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[narrator] Life when I was young was so simple and innocent.
[distant laughter]
My friendships were filled with adventure.
We thought we could do anything and become anyone we wanted.
Adolescence marked a sudden realization
that our relationships are far more complicated
than we ever imagined.
Nothing quite prepares us for the struggle
for identity and intimacy in today's world.
["Five Hours" Feat. DyCy by Deorro playing]
-[man] I'm from Texas. -I'm from San Antonio.
[woman] We're all from the Midwest area.
-[woman 2] I'm from France. -[woman 3] I'm from Scotland.
[man 3] I'm from New Jersey. I go to Michigan State.
[man 4] I go to Duke University.
-[woman 3] North Carolina. -[woman 4] I'm from New York.
-[woman 3] Where are we going? -Spring break!
[screaming]
Hey!
[Sean Hannity] Every year, hundreds of thousands
of college students head out to a sunny destination
for spring break.
I'm studying sociology and psychology.
I want to be in nursing.
I want to be a teacher.
I'm in aerospace engineering.
I may be your doctor someday.
[woman] These people that are here,
-they'll be the future leaders of America. -[woman] Yes.
♪ We found some time ♪
There's a lot of naked people and a lot of alcohol, and it's fucking great.
There's a lot of hooking up, wet t-shirt contests.
People come to Panama City to basically get fucked up and fuck bitches, that's it.
We're trying to get laid.
You can honestly do whatever you want.
[all] Show your tits! Show your tits!
[cheering]
We live in a Kim Kardashian sex tape world, right?
There is no line anymore.
[college student] She just became famous off of a sex tape.
That's what our generation's built on.
[woman] To be accepted and to be well liked,
you need to be nude, you need to cross the line.
We just want to get down like Beyonce.
[woman] Hell yes.
Assume the position, girls.
[woman] Whether it's social media with the Instagram,
with the Facebook, and whether it's music videos, movies,
TV shows, that's really what shapes our lives.
Sex sells. Like, that's just how the market is nowadays.
[girl] Exactly!
Softcore porn really is everywhere. 50 Shades of Grey is softcore porn.
[man] I watch porn, she watches porn,
he watches porn because that's what it's about.
[man] We're in this grand experiment where images of explicit sexuality are now
not just at the margins of the culture, but they're at the heart of the culture.
The whole culture's kind of been pornified,
if that's a word.
[Loden] What we've seen on television and everything else,
sex is nothing anymore. Sex doesn't mean anything.
Sex is just a pleasure.
[humming along with music]
[indistinct chatter]
[Shay] To be honest, this is our first spring break
here in America. We just come down for a good time.
We're not--we're not come here to shag no one.
Uh... there's no reason for these beads on our necks,
-but we just come down for a good time... -Ah, but, this is just jewelery for me.
-Have a few drinks and enjoy ourselves. -This is jewelery, ain't it?
[Benny] What's the first quality you notice in a girl?
First quality?
[Benny] Yeah, what's the first thing you notice about a girl?
It's face for me.
It's silly to say, but obviously it's all about looks
to begin with, to begin with. But I'll stop there, yeah.
[indistinct yelling]
[Benny] Are a lot of people having sex right now?
-Is that what's going on? -[Shay] In spring break?
How much-- Have you had sex yet?
Not at spring break, not at spring break.
No, I've had--I've had sex multiple--
Yeah, you had sex next to me last night.
-[chuckles] Yeah. -So, yeah, he has. He has.
-[yelling in the background] -So, anyway. So, it happens.
Oh, it happens all the time.
Of course it does. That's why we come here, isn't it?
-[Benny] What does sex mean to you? -[Shay] What does it mean to me?
[yelling in the background]
[Shay] Uh, depends on the situation, but--
It's just-- It's just a commodity really, isn't it?
Today--today sex is all about fucking getting it in.
-No, it's not. It's not about that. -Yeah, it's a number. Sex is a number.
Sex is not a number. That's terrible to say, but--
You knob, you're the prime example of it. Yeah, sex is a number for you.
For me, depends who you're shagging, that's the thing.
[Benny] Is it? Is it about--is it about the number?
It's not about a number. It's not. It can't be.
[man] Be honest. Be honest.
Yeah, all right. Go on. It's about the number.
Dirty bastard. [chuckles]
What's your number?
Don't know.
Why did you lie?
♪ We like to drink with Shayman ♪
♪ 'Cause Shayman is our mate ♪
♪ And when we drink with Shayman He finishes in ♪
[all] Seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.
[all cheering]
[all sing] ♪ Raise your fucking hands up! Raise your fucking hands up! ♪
-♪ Ta, ra, ra, ra ♪ -♪ Hey! ♪
[all] ♪ Raise your fucking hands up! Raise your fucking hands up! ♪
-♪ Ta, ra, ra, ra ♪ -♪ Hey! ♪
[knock on door]
[door opens]
-[man laughs] -All right, fellas.
[man] Spring, uh...
-Spring break. -All right, come on, come in, come in.
Come in to our humble abode.
-Come in, fellas. Come on, ladies. -Here we are.
-Is that your getup tonight?
That's what I'm wearing tonight.
-Hey, don't matter what we wear. -[man whoops]
We're all... color coordinated tonight.
[man] So, it looks like you've been keeping your room
in pretty decent condition.
[indistinct chatter]
[man 2] You should have seen the state of that bed last night,
blood stains, yes.
[man] Blood stains? Why, what happened?
-Did someone-- -[man] Ask him.
-Playing kind of hard again last night. -[man] Someone was shagging hard.
-Ask... Ask him. -[man] Someone was shagging a virgin.
-Ask big dick over here. -[man] What happened?
-I cut me foot. I cut me foot. -[men laugh]
-[man] It's not the only thing he cut. -[indistinct taunts]
[man] Was she a virgin?
Yes, don't know. I'm gonna assume so.
-[Adam] She's not anymore. -[man] She must have been.
[Shay] Not anymore, yeah.
[Shay] I'll get her on speaker-phone.
[Shep] Six--don't know what, six, six, one, five.
We're gonna talk about last night.
Get that boom in here.
[Shay] By the way, I've not-- I've not spoken to her since last night, so.
-She's very interesting. -[man] Since she bled on us.
-[Jessica] Hello? -[Shay] Hey, is that Jessica?
[Jessica] Yeah.
[Shay] Hey Jessica, it's Shay.
Did you have--did you have a good time last night?
Sorry, dear.
[Jessica] Yeah, yeah.
We liked hanging out with you guys. You're really nice.
That's great to hear. Did you want to do it again tonight?
Um, well, we'll have to play it by ear.
What? I'm devastated right now.
-He's in love, dear. He's in love. -[Shay shushing]
-[man] Mate, don't ruin it. -[Jessica] I just don't want to have sex.
-What? -[Jessica laughing]
I think you're an absolutely gorgeous girl,
and I'd love to do it again.
-[Jessica] Wait, what? -She's not. She's not.
[Shay] I think you're a gorgeous girl,
and I'd absolutely love to do it again with you, dear.
[Jessica] Make out and--
OK, well, I'm sure we can totally work that out.
Oh, fantastic, right. Well, I'll meet you at Sharky's then?
[Jessica] OK, bye.
[man] So, we're on our way to go meet this girl from last night.
Oh, shit. Yeah. Forgot about that. That was a great show.
-Are we? -[man] What do you think about that?
I think she's gorgeous. I love-- Can't wait to meet her.
He's lying.
[man] Is there something special about being with a virgin?
That's a very good question. I think it's a challenge.
Challenge accepted.
That is--that is... That is the ultimate challenge.
Because you take a virgin, that's the ultimate challenge.
I'm not going to lie. It took me a while to shag her last night.
But he done it.
Fucking everyone likes the chase, don't they?
Everyone likes a bit of a fucking challenge to have,
and--and--and a virgin offers that.
And I'm not complaining at all, but, it was decent.
It was decent.
[man] Did the girls sleep in the room too?
[Shep chuckles] No.
[Shay] It depends--It depends how ruined they got the night before.
[Shep] Yeah, it depends. If they're a trooper, once you bang them,
they'll put their clothes back on and then they'll do one.
But sometimes they might fall asleep
and they'll do one about 7 o'clock in the morning.
[man] And what happens when you-- Do you--Do you take them out to breakfast?
I like it when they stay.
We can go for long walks on the beach and all sorts.
Why Shayman is being so good in front of the camera?
[man] Is he telling the truth?
Did he take her out to breakfast this morning?
She left. I was happy that she left. She left straightaway.
[Shep] Straightaway. She's a trooper.
[man] What about tonight? Are you going to shag?
-[Shep] I hope so. -He's going to do his best, but--
Yeah, I'm going to put my best effort in.
[man] You need to get to know her first though, right?
No.
What do you mean get to know her? Yeah, I'll get to-- get to know her name,
where she's from, that's about it.
[man] And then it's--
Yeah, then it's down to business.
[Shay] That's your game?
["International love" by Chris Brown, playing]
[cheering]
[upbeat music continues]
So, anyway. This is my roommate, Benny.
He just wanted to ask you a couple of questions.
Come on now.
[Benny] We're following him around.
So, we're just trying to capture basically his journey on spring break.
So, you're trying to have sex with all the girls?
No, no, it's--
[Benny] He just--
I would get in a lot of trouble if my school knew about this.
Your school?
Yeah, I go to a private Christian school.
Look, honestly it's completely up to you. You don't have to say a thing.
[Jessica] I would get in a lot of trouble.
I respect your decision. Whatever you do. Whatever you say.
[Jessica] Yeah, I would get in a lot of trouble.
[Shay] That's fine, that's fine.
OK. I'm going to go back.
That's fine.
[indistinct chatter]
We're gonna have a party back at our place. Room 124.
-Room 124-- -[woman] 124?
[Shay] And you girls are all more than welcome to come.
You are more than welcome.
Let's do it! Come on, girls. You're coming with us.
[girl] OK.
[indistinct chatter]
[music continues]
[man] It's a totally different world nowadays
that it's easy to have sex with girls.
They're down, just like guys are down. You know what I mean?
That's what people do now. You meet a girl, you hang out with her,
you flirt with her, you maybe, you know, make out with her when you first meet her,
and then you can tell right away if she's down or not.
And then your ultimate goal is to take her back
and, you know, have sex with her.
As a guy, that's your goal every time, you know?
We meet on the beach, we get drunk,
we go back to the hotel, we have casual sex,
and then we go about our lives like we never met.
That is so unrespectful.
It's unrespectful, whatever, but that's the way it works.
Yeah.
[Loden] Back in the past, it would usually be, you know,
"Let me take you on a date, let me get to know you
a little bit before we take it any further."
Versus now, now it's like you get a girl's number
and the majority of the guys here are just thinking about sex.
Want to know how easy sex is to get in America?
If you want to follow me, I will show you. Well, let me show you.
[man] ...take it away. Oh, yeah.
Fighting's easy in America too.
[crowd clamoring]
But we ain't going to stress that, come on.
-Like, why the fuck are you so cute? -I don't know. Do you even remember me?
Yeah, you slapped our asses earlier.
Well, can I get two kisses on my cheeks from both of you?
-Yeah. -Oh, my God.
[woman] I really think you should have--
And it's like that. Society's horrible.
He should have won that hot body contest.
Should have won the hot body contest. It's all about self-image, publicity.
It's all about beauty and how you look.
Yeah, for real. And you look--
It's a horrible thing, but I don't mind because I'm a guy.
I love, you know, I like orgasming.
So, these beautiful ladies right here, like, Jesus Christ,
can you do a sexy pose for me? Like, God dammit. Just like that.
Nothing, nothing, no morals behind it, nothing behind it.
It's that simple, that simple.
Like, can I get two kisses on the lips for me? Like...
I'll kiss him.
Want another example? Let me show you some other shit. Come on.
I want some culture.
Can I get a kiss? Where you been all my life?
[woman] Are we in a picture?
Ow! Oh my, Lord Jesus Christ.
You is fine with them damn dreads.
Damn, I'm fine, little baby girl. Come pose for a sexy picture for my dawg.
Hey, what's happening?
Hey.
Just like that, hey. It means nothing anymore.
-[woman] Come on. -It means nothing, it's horrible.
-[woman 1] Do you want more? -[woman 2] Come on.
Put that ass on him, girl.
[woman 1] Look at him go.
[woman 2] Hit it.
Sex today, sex don't mean anything. You can have one night stands, you know,
wake up in the morning, and you can be like,
"All right, I'll move on with my day."
[woman] I mean, I know guys that come down here
and try to have sex with as many people as they can.
Like, competing with their friends,
and they'll see who can get the biggest number.
One night stands all night long, all night long.
Every day, every day.
[Benny] How many girls?
Three or four a night.
[Benny] Any... Any chance for a longer-term relationship
with any of them?
-Not at all. Not at all. -[Benny] Any chance for finding love?
No, no.
DTF, down to fuck. Like...
-[Benny] That's what it's about, huh? -It's all about fucking.
It's not a love thing, it's not a... a need, nothing.
Like, it doesn't matter.
Like, sex is sex, you know. I would never talk to her again.
But maybe you could be pen pals?
No.
No, [chuckles] like I'm not going to write letters and stuff.
I mean, who cares? Like.
Pftt, no. No love. That just eww.
[Benny] The girl with the pink bottoms, that's your girlfriend?
Yeah, I got the teal bottoms.
We're here to have a good time. They don't care, we don't care.
[Benny] Does she mind if you hook up?
-No. I don't know. -[Benny] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What does love mean to you guys?
Oh, I love her.
Yeah, me too.
I love her, but I love tits. I'm going to chuck beads.
[Benny] Yeah, yeah.
But what does love mean?
-Love? -[Benny] Yeah.
Love is not real. Love is not real.
It's like this fictitious thing that society invents
-so you can have sex with someone. -I see this. I see this.
Am I right? I'm right.
[indistinct chatter]
Oh, it's that easy.
Oh.
[woman] Our generation has given up on love, absolutely, I agree.
It's easier to find a fuck buddy than a boyfriend.
Exactly. Oh my, God.
It's true.
[Loden] I would love to have sex with her.
Like, she beautiful, and that's what it's all about.
Like, if you're--if you're attracted to somebody,
it's nothing to have sex these days, right?
Yeah, I feel like you should just have sex. It's nothing.
[Loden] Can I just get a hug? Can I grab that ass one time?
Like, where have you been?
Come on, it's spring break, it's spring break.
-[woman] OK, go ahead. -[man] I'm ready.
-[Loden] God damn. -[woman] Oh my, God. Oh my, God.
-[man] Easy. -We shall move on from here.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, camera's on you.
Hey!
[man mumbles]
Pass the champagne.
Champagne on her shoes.
One of my really good girlfriends that I knew for a long time,
she has this problem where she just like,
she hooks up with anybody, and she admits it,
-and she was-- -[Loden] That's what we call a slut.
[Dakota] She was talking to me-- yeah, she's--
[Loden] She's a ho.
Yeah, she was talking to me, like, the other day,
and she was like, "Me and my girlfriend were talking,
and we both happened to hook up with the same guy,
-and he texted us in the morning." -[Loden] Eskimo sisters.
No, "He texted us in the morning and was like,
"'Hey, I had a good time, like it was nice to see you.'
And we sat down and talked about what a great guy he was,
because he texted us in the morning."
And I was like, "What?"
And then, like, she was like, "I realized how awful
that was later because, like,
every other guy we've been hooking up with,
or like that I've been hooking up with hadn't texted us,
had completely ignored us.
Like, they acted weird when we came around."
And I was like, "That's wrong."
And people will completely dismiss any emotions
that go with sex,
because it's not supposed to matter anymore.
It's not supposed to be a big thing. And I think that's the big difference
between the '60s sexual revolution
and now is that in the '60s, it still had to do with emotion.
Like, even though it was free sex, it still was about,
"Oh, I love this person, I care about this person,
I want to, like, spend time with this person."
But it's become a thing where it's not about love anymore,
it's not about, like, relationships.
It's become a thing where sex has to do with feeling good.
[Loden] Takes away all the special meaning of sex, right?
It took away the special meaning of like, "Oh, I fell in love with this person,
like I'm going to have sex with them. This is something really special."
[Loden] Let me rephrase that.
Not took away the meaning of sex, they took away the meaning of making love.
They think love doesn't exist.
It doesn't exist anymore.
-No. Not anymore -Not anymore.
[Dakota] Not at all.
[Donna Freitas] The predominant story about sex
in college is, you know, we're casual about it.
So, the ideal attitude in a hookup is whatever.
That's how you're successful at it, because if you're whatever about it,
you can walk away and be like,
"I don't care if I ever see that person again.
I don't care about the experience either."
So, the message people are receiving is ambivalence
is the best attitude to have about sex.
[Caroline Heldman] Young people in our culture
learn what it means to be a man, what it means to be a woman,
how they're supposed to relate to each other,
how they're supposed to have sex from popular culture,
whether it's social media, film, television,
pornography, their peers.
And you see this theme of non-intimate sex, you know,
throughout every type of popular culture that's out there,
which is a different type of sex than the sex we used to see.
I don't care what you like or what your name is.
And the good news is you don't have to care about me either,
and we can still tear each other apart.
-What do you think? -[tisks] You know what?
I'm going to say yes. I think, yeah. Let's do this.
[Robert] Traditionally, it has been men
who have driven that kind of culture,
men who have wanted to be able to score without complication.
But in a hookup culture, the big difference is...
it's not just the expectations that men have...
of being sexually promiscuous,
but it's women actively participating in it
and essentially accepting those as kind of the rules
of the sexual game.
I think sex is more important right at the beginning,
to find out what's happening, because you don't know what's happening.
So, you like to have the sex right away...
-Yeah. -...and then find out, like,
you know, who are you,
Yeah...
how did you get in here?
[Donna] In a culture of casual sex,
my job is to essentially shut down emotionally
and shut down as a person in order to be sexually intimate with you.
I'm going to pretend like you're not really a person,
you're just there for my pleasure.
Whether or not students are able to actually
live this out is one thing,
but this is the message that they're getting.
That this is sort of the ideal for the casual encounter at college.
And so students are working hard not to care,
they're working hard to have meaningless sexual encounters.
Love isn't part of the college experience anymore.
[Benny] So, of all the girls that you guys have hooked up
with this week, how many of them do you think
you'll stay in touch with?
I don't think we'll see anybody again that we met this week.
-We-We're not. We're not-- -[man] We're not.
You're not--you're not going to meet up with anyone.
-Thing is, he don't love them. -[Benny] Shep.
-What's that? -[Benny] How many?
Honestly, I reckon--I reckon we might keep in touch with boys
who stayed at this site.
Oh yeah, the guys--
[Benny] No, no, no, of the girls you hooked up with?
Oh, the girls, no.
Hang on, we need a few girls. Girls!
-He's lost without them. -[Shay] Excuse me, girls.
[woman] Hello.
[Shay] How's it going?
[Anna] Where are you from?
[Shay] I'm from Australia.
Australia? I'm from Ohio.
[Shay] Ohio? What was your name again?
[Anna] I'm Anna.
[Shay] Anna, you're gorgeous by the way.
-[Anna] Thank you. -[Benny] So, what do you want to do?
What are you guys going to do down here this week?
I mean, just party, drink. I mean, meet as many people as possible.
-That's my only-- -I'm used?
It's my only week break for probably another year.
[Benny] Are you going to have sex?
[woman] Nope.
I mean, no.
-No? -I don't know.
See you in a bit, sunshine. I'm just kidding,
I'm just-- I'm just making--
I'm just playing with you, darling.
It's a little dangerous.
Oh, it's dangerous? Dangerous? Why is it dangerous?
-I don't know anyone here. -Come and kiss on my cheek.
-Oh, I like that. I like that. -[Anna] Thank you.
-Do you want a drink? Would you like one? -Absolutely.
-What are you drinking? -Nothing. I don't have a drink.
All right, come on, then. We'll get you sorted out with a drink.
[man sighs]
[indistinct conversation]
["I could be the one" by Avicii vs Nicky Romero playing]
[indistinct chatter]
[man] We best get out, hey.
[indistinct chatter]
[Shep] I know, literally, like, just walked in there,
he's giving her the, "You're cute, can I have a kiss?"
And then as you boys have just seen.
Just like that?
-[Will] With Shay it is. -Yeah.
When you got a dick his size, of course it is.
Shouldn't they get to know each other first?
[man] No.
You're only gonna give one kiss. What's the harm with one kiss?
[Will] If it was just gonna be one kiss.
Hey, give us 5 minutes.
[man chuckles]
[laughing]
-Oh, that's coming from the horse's mouth. -Oh, mate.
Fuck you. Oh, look at that.
He's even turned the fucking thing off.
[all chuckle]
[Ben] Lights are off, door's locked.
Oh, fuck.
-So, yeah. -Mate, are the lights off?
-[Shep] Yeah. -[Ben] Lights are off.
And that's... And that's the bottom "light".
And that's your spring break, fellas.
Well, I've gone and left my phone in there.
[Benny] So, it's basically, "Hi, how are you doing?
Want to have sex?"
-Na, we're... nah, we're not-- -[man] We're not that smooth.
We're not that direct,
we're not that forward. We like to have a little bit of a chat,
and just complement the girl, tell her how good looking she is,
and she'll just fall for it. Especially with the accent as well.
Well, you saw her. He went, "You're--You're cute, can I have a kiss?"
And then the kisses obviously turn into...
and then that's then turned into the lights being turned off,
door shut, door locked.
-[Benny] How many minutes? -What?
[Benny] How many minutes?
What, [chuckles] from meeting her? Eight, what was it?
Like 15?
-[Ben] Fifteen, twenty minutes. -[man laughs]
[Shep] And the best thing is part of, like,
today's culture and society, it's going to happen.
You just got to accept it, embrace it, and hopefully one day we'll grow up
and be like granddad Brown over there.
[rap music plays]
[Anna] Oh, hi.
[indistinct chatter]
Awkward.
[man] I'm all right...
See you later, sweetheart.
We're going to go to our hotel. Sorry, bye.
[Shay] She come. She saw. Shay conquered.
[all laughing]
[man] Something happened in there. Something happened in there.
[Will] How was that-- How was that drink going in there, mate?
[Shay] Ah, we had a lovely drink together.
-[Shep] Yeah, right. -[indistinct chatter]
-Got a nice little-- -[Shay whooping]
[man] Nice little cuddle in there.
-[Shay] Yeah, she's a lovely girl. -[man] Nice to have a cuddle in there.
[Shay] Lovely girl, actually.
-[Ben] Nice to have a cuddle in that. -[Shay] I got to know her really well.
[all laugh]
[Shay] See you, darling. See you tomorrow night.
Smell my fingers.
[laughing]
[taunting]
[Shep] That literally took you 20 minutes...
From there, in there, lights off, posh.
Happy days.
[Shep] When's the next one coming in?
Ladies? Come on up.
[Shay] Nah, can't be doing that, can't be doing that.
Or can we?
[Will] Of course, he can.
[Shay] Guys, she's really a lovely girl,
-really good looking... -What's she called?
...really nice rack of tits.
-[Shep] What's her name? -Jenny.
-[man] That's a fucking lie. -Or Amy.
[Shay] What was your name again?
[Anna] I'm Anna.
[Shay] Anna, you're gorgeous by the way.
[Anna] Thank you.
[Shay] Ah, let's go Jenny, go Jenny, go Jenny.
[Benny] So, what were the qualities that attracted you to her?
-To begin with-- -[Adam] She was easy.
She put out.
-Great thing on a girl. -I love a girl that puts out.
Yeah, she's a very good looking--
I said that to her. I said, "look, you're gorgeous,
-down to earth... -[man laughs]
...really easy to get along with."
He said... He said all the things she wanted to hear.
[Shay] Exactly, that's what she wanted to hear,
and I gave it to her.
-[man laughs] -Oh, fuck, that sounded horrible.
But I'm not going to lie. I did give it to her.
[man chuckles]
[Benny] Is there a chance for a relationship?
[Shay] To be honest, she's a very good looking girl,
and she's very easygoing.
If she wanted to shag again tonight, yeah, for sure, yeah.
But at this stage, I've no idea where she lives,
no idea where she's from, so.
[Benny] Tell you what, do you reckon you can--
To be honest, probably not. To be honest, most likely not,
but, uh, that's the way things happen, that's the way things go on spring break.
Girls.
Girls, girls, come on down. Come on down, how's it going?
[woman] Good.
-[Shay] How are you doing? -[man] She's a nice looking girl.
[Shay] You look dressed up tonight.
[woman] Thank you.
-[man] Girls, where are you going? -[Shep] Girls, where are you going?
[man] Girls, come here.
[Shay] She smelled good earlier, but--
[Shep] Not now.
[Shay] Oh, hey ladies.
[Shep] Where you off to tonight?
[man] Where you going tonight, girls?
[woman] I'm not really sure.
[Shay] Looking very well-dressed up. I like it, I like it.
-Thank you. -Not enough girls dress up around here.
[woman] Yeah, we tried.
[inaudible speaking]
[Donna] Casual sex in theory is supposed to be this very exciting,
you know, one time experience, full of desire and pleasure.
And you know, in theory, it's like this very exciting,
almost like movie-like encounter.
However, those almost are non-existent when you talk to college students.
It's really hard to find someone who can describe
something like that.
There are all these messages out there for young men,
young women to act a certain way around sex,
around each other, around relationships
or not having relationships, around hooking up.
And so I think we need to look at what students
are learning about what it means to be a man
and what it means to be a liberated young woman
with regard to sexuality.
[Jackson Katz] There are so many ways in which we,
as a culture, are teaching our sons and men
what it means to be a man. There's the media culture, of course,
whether it's Hollywood, film, or pornography, or videogames, television.
They have the sports culture, where there's lots of lessons
about manhood that boys from the earliest ages are absorbing.
And it's saying that being a man means being powerful,
being in control, being in control of yourself,
in control of situations. It means getting the respect of others.
I mean, it's so deeply embedded, this--this idea of manhood as powerful.
And that's profoundly influential in shaping
men's sexual self-understanding.
♪ Hope you understand that, bitch ♪
♪ Bitch, I'm the man ♪
♪ Ho, I'm the man ♪
♪ You know I'm the man ♪
♪ Bitch, I'm the man ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Ho, I'm the man ♪
♪ You know I'm the man ♪
♪ Bitch, I'm the man ♪
-♪ Yeah ♪ -♪ Ho, I'm the man ♪
-♪ Yeah ♪ -♪ You know I'm the man ♪
♪ Know I'm the man, know I'm the man ♪
[Sut Jhally] Masculinity in this culture is about
a notion of--of male strength. And then women play into that.
Women [chuckles] are one of the--
one of the ways in which you can express that power.
Women are one of the ways in which--
on--on whose bodies you express that power.
And so, real men, you know, sleep with a lot of women.
If you're a real man, you're a player, you're a guy.
You know, I mean, it's the ideal.
Don't rush into cinco, start with Dos.
Please welcome Instagram's most loved and hated man, Dan Bilzerian.
[audience cheers]
One of the reasons I started
the Instagram stuff was just so I could get laid without,
like, actually, like, having conversations.
[audience laughs]
[host] You've banged as many as four women in one night, right?
-[Dan] Yeah. -[host] Wow.
Wish you could teach me to be a man.
[Robert] In pop culture, sex is seen as something
that young men do to validate their--thier own masculinity.
It's a vehicle for young men towards self-esteem.
We just want to know something, OK?
Are you going to be fucking that later, or you going to be a little wimp, huh?
How do you know I haven't already?
Ah, shit, boy.
Get out of here. I think it's past your bedtime.
Run along.
I always say that masculinity is really a performance.
It's a performance that boys, uh, do for other boys.
And so, what ends up happening is that girls become part
of how boys prove their masculinity to each other.
It's all about a chance for them to prove, hey, I got the hottest girlfriend
or I have this--this many girlfriends.
And so she's not necessarily a girl
with a name and identity, but she's an opportunity
for me to prove my masculinity to my friends.
[Benny] What does it mean to you to be a man?
What's it mean to be a man?
[Benny] Define masculinity.
[man] Well, uh, as a man, I can...
I'm different from girls because, just like I said,
girls may, uh, choose yes, no, all right?
I'd--I'd fuck any girl here.
That's--that's just me, and I feel that's just a man.
That's--that's what we were put on this earth to do.
Yeah.
-[Benny] That's it? -That's it.
And... And work out, big muscles, get these girls.
Like, those boobs, holy shit.
[Benny] Are you going to go pick up on her?
Oh, I've been talking to her. Her name's Jenna or some-- Yeah, Jenna.
-[woman] Ellen. -[man] What?
Ellen!
-[Dan] Ellen? -Ellen.
We can go back to my room.
[Ellen screams, chuckles] I'm not going back to your room.
You both can come.
[Ellen] There's no way. I'm not drunk enough.
[Dan] Yeah, you are.
No, I'm not. I'm not.
Sorry, Dan.
[Ellen]He can't pick us up. He couldn't pick us up.
My pick up line didn't work.
See, I got denied again. But it's on to the next girl.
Today, guys rate you on how many girls you get
if you really think about it.
Like, some guys look up to you just because of that.
I feel like-- I feel like a lot of it's like,
you know, being like in a pack, you know?
Like, if you're the dude that's having sex with the most girls,
you're the cooler dude and stuff like that, you know, like...
[all cheering]
Sex, it's kind of like bragging rights to my boys, you know?
Who doesn't like to say I hooked up with a girl?
Whoo!
Well, this man's on, like, count number four already, I think.
I ain't going to lie.
I fucked like 25 of them hoes without a condom.
That's what I thought.
That's when you know you with the shit.
Like I said, I had sex in a port-a-potty.
[man] I had sex-- I had sex on the beach.
My man.
[man] For me and him, we're always going for the BBD
the Bigger Better Deal.
-[man 1] Bigger Better Deal. -[man 2] The Bigger Better Deal.
I mean, you look at pornos, they have all these categories.
It's like, big tits, big asses, I mean like--
Asian.
So, you're always just like, "What am I feeling right now?"
Because, like, you can look at like 20 different girls
at one time, just like here's a girl. OK, she's hot.
I'm going to X out this one. I'm going to find a different girl.
Like, you go black, Asian, fucking Chinese,
and like just keep on mixing it up.
And that's what is moving you away from relationship
is just the BBD factor, the bigger better deal.
It's al-- There's always someone that can be better.
Always a girl that can be hotter, always a girl that can have a bigger butt,
always a girl that can have bigger tits, always a girl that could have better tits
than the one that you're with right now. You're not looking for a girl that's cool,
you're looking for a girl that's sexy as fuck
so that you can bring her out,
and so when people look, like, "Damn, that dude's killing it
because that girl's sexy as fuck."
You're looking for the neck-breakers, dude.
The girl-- The girls that guys are turning their necks for.
-Give us a minute. -[man] OK.
[speaking indistinctly]
[woman] It's getting fancy here.
[Caroline] It makes complete sense to me that men
would engage in hookup culture,
because they get the proverbial bro fist bump, right?
Uh, they get attention, uh, for sleeping with women.
In fact, the more you sleep with, the cooler,
tougher, more manly you are assumed to be.
But at the end of the day, I think there are a lot of men
who don't want to do that, but they feel a lot of social pressure
to do that from other men in order to get their validation
for being a real man.
As boys, to become men, you're taught that you're supposed
to always want to have sex,
you're supposed to always want to be on the prowl.
You're never supposed to turn sex down.
If you're a boy, and a girl wants to have sex with you
and you say, "I don't want to have sex,"
that's extremely deflating to your manhood.
To the extent that you haven't slept with a lot of women,
and yet the culture says,
"A real man sleeps with a lot of women," that puts a lot of anxiety in terms
of what your relationships with women should be.
It puts a lot of anxiety into, "Well, I've got to sleep
with someone really quickly,
I've got to have sex quickly so I can be a real man."
And I think that has its own level of anxiety that is built into it,
that masculinity isn't just
this one dimensional thing where, you know,
men go around acting tough.
Men are full of these insecurities,
men are full of these anxieties about not measuring up.
Uh, let me tell you something, [stammers] a boy said to me once
that I think really captures this.
He--he said that in school, there was pressure on him to date.
This is the first year of high school. And he was resisting that.
He said there were even girls who were telling him
he was cute and they would like to go out with him,
and he didn't want to do that. And I said, "Why?"
And he said, "I just want to be a kid as long as I can.
I mean, I just want some space
where I don't have to always be on sexually."
But the culture was demanding it of him. His peers were demanding of it.
The media he was consuming was demanding of it.
I think that a whole lot of kids who,
if they could verbalize it, would say something like that,
"I just want to be a kid for as long as I can."
I've got 16 close friends, and I was laughed at for...
[stammers] Probably about four of us who were virgins after 16.
And it was constant, "Oh, you're still a virgin?
Why are you still a virgin? Let's go out. We'll get you a girl,
we'll get you nailed," all this.
And I was kind of a bit taken aback from it
because I don't think I was-- I don't think I was quite ready.
I don't think I was quite ready to lose my virginity when I did.
And I did, and it wasn't--
It wasn't magical, it wasn't, like, special.
It wasn't... and it was with someone who wasn't a virgin as well.
[Benny] But you felt a tremendous amount of pressure?
No. [scoffs] Serious pressure.
But then once it was done, it was almost like a pressure was lifted,
but I was like, "Well, what was the--what was the point?
-Like..." -[Benny] Were you not together with her?
No, my first time, I had... it was a one night stand, and it was...
the whole night was peer pressured into it happening.
And I was just-- It happened through...
like I said, it was a mixture of, like, alcohol,
it was a mixture of like a forceful kind of attitude.
It was all right.
Looking back now and thinking I'm 23-years-old now,
and I was probably--
I was turning 19 when I lost my virginity.
-Shut up. -Wow.
-[Benny] Really? -Yeah.
[laughs]
See, the thing is, though, like how old were you?
[Shep] What?
Honestly, how old were you?
Not lying because I know a lot of liars back home--
Can we cut this bit?
No? All right, sweet.
-Honestly? -[Adam] Yeah.
Fifteen.
But then you know what you said about peer pressure?
Like, my group of mates back home, there was like seven of us.
We had a bet the last one to lose it would have something ridiculous.
And it was literally coming down to, like, the last two of us.
And it was like, "Fuck, I have to do it."
-So, then you step up to the plate... -[woman] Isn't that fun?
...and luckily I done it--
I done it with a girl that I had, like, a lot of respect for.
Like, been that close with her for, like, so many years, like seven years.
And it was like I'm glad that I lost it to her
rather than anyone else.
If I lost it with someone else--
[Benny] Did you-- Did you feel peer pressured into it?
Yeah, of course you do.
Especially if you got a bet with all your mates,
who's the last one to lose it, you don't want to be the last one there.
[Adam] But then do you--
Do you think your virginity should be a bet?
[Shep] No, but it's--
[Adam] I don't think it should be a bet, but it was.
And you don't-- like, you don't want to be the last one of your mates
to be the virgin, do you?
I mean, is it a bigger deal amongst guys though?
Because I feel like with girls it's like, "Oh, you've lost your virginity," like--
If you were, like, the last one to have sex
out of your group of mates, you're almost like bullied,
you're laughed at. You're almost like, "Ha ha! You're still a virgin."
It is a bit harsh.
[Shep] And like I said, I don't know anyone
back home that hasn't-- yeah.
Even, like, your closest friends will make fun of you for being a virgin?
Yeah, yeah, without a doubt.
They wouldn't even, like, have respect for that?
Nope.
[Donna] Often, you know, men talk about how
they have to have this careless attitude about sex for other guys.
And so, part of proving what it means to be a man today,
especially a young man at college, is showing that you don't care
and showing that you're invulnerable
and that you don't feel things for other people
in the context of sexual intimacy.
Whereas young women always get the message
about the desirable young woman, what she looks like,
how she dresses, how she acts, what she knows with regard to sex.
So, both young men and young women are sometimes literally acting out
according to these stereotypes or these expectations we have in culture.
[Kimmy] I come from Orange County, California, so Southern California.
[Farrah] I'm from Calabasas, California,
which is also Southern California, near LA.
I've never been on spring break. I've never been on spring break.
Yeah, yeah.
But I want to do, like, the whole rave shit,
table surfing shit, you know what I mean?
[Kimmy] So, coming on spring break, we have a fuck-it list,
and it's all the things that we plan on doing before we leave.
-And one of them-- -It's a very short list.
-It's not like a... -Very short. It's growing as we're here.
Yeah, it's not like-- We didn't come here with it.
-It's our first time on spring break. -It's more of like, what's going on?
It's experiences, culture-- OK, that sounds cool.
Or like, "Oh, I bet this could happen. Let's try and make it happen."
It's like a bucket list type of thing.
[Kimmy] But a fuck-it list.
-[Farrah] Yeah, yeah. -[Kimmy] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you're more than welcome to come with us tonight
-and go party and find out... -[Farrah laughs]
how the city is versus how the resort is.
Yeah, yeah. You have to experience that one.
Fuck, yeah!
[upbeat music playing]
[knock on door]
-[man] Hi. -Hi.
Come in. We're just finishing up getting ready.
Excuse my voice. [chuckles]
[Farrah] We're just going to start.
[woman] So, can you ladies kind of talk about
what tonight is going to look like?
That's a great question. So I think we're--
A hot mess.
Hopefully.
[hesitates] I mean, she's hoping tonight's going to be a hot mess.
I'm hoping--I'm hoping that we get back safely. [chuckles]
When I say hot mess, I mean, not per se, us,
what we see, what we experience is. I mean, so far it has been.
We're not working towards any particular goal,
but if something... if anything really fun or crazy arises,
I'm not going to say no to it, so.
[woman] So, what is your definition of fun?
Definition of fun?
[Farrah] Letting loose, but not, just not...
[stammers] Being able to be carefree
and not have to worry about being taken advantage of.
So, dancing on my own terms, not someone trying to come up to me
and dance and trying to initiate something.
Um...
Yeah, drinking without--
God, I've been so scared of getting drugged.
-[Farrah] Yeah. -[Kimmy] Is that a legitimate fear?
[Farrah] That's a fear for me too.
That's a legitimate fear, I feel, definitely.
So, having fun is pretty much not having to worry.
-I'm like holding my glass like this. -Yeah.
I'm like dancing like, "Oh, yeah, Try to get through my fingers, asshole."
Yeah, I don't even know where we're going,
so I think we're just going to go and figure that out,
and just kind of follow a crowd.
[upbeat music playing]
Keep moving. Hey.
[Kimmy] OK, OK.
[Farrah] All right.
Whoo!
[indistinct conversations]
[man] More girls in bikinis. I love it.
Hola.
[Farah] So, we were involved in a bikini dancing contest.
And he started, like, spraying us with, like--like oil.
[Kimmy] I was like...
I just walked out of the bathroom, I mean, he's like spraying me.
[Farrah] No warning, no warning.
She's talking and he just, like, starts spraying her without--
And like... and I was like, "Oh."
Yeah, and all of us were just like, "What's happening?"
And he's just like, "Rub it in, rub it in."
Is that funny? I'm gonna do it back to you later.
[Kimmy] Yeah, let's do it to you.
Watch your back. I'll see you later.
[Kimmy laughs]
[Kimmy] It seemed way more staged now. At that point, it was more effort,
it wasn't just like, "Here's some spring break girls
doing a dance."
Like, we're putting effort into making you look a certain way.
OK.
So basically you're going to dance for 10 seconds. [chuckles]
After those 10 seconds, the people are going to decide
who the winner is. All right. So, dance.
Of course you can show a little bit more if you want.
Please don't take your bottoms off.
-If you want, you can take your top off. -[woman] Oh!
[man] You don't have to if you don't want, but if you do,
of course then people are going to make way more noise for you.
-[woman] The boys? -[man] The boys. All right, let's go.
[Kimmy] In the beginning, it was kind of excitement,
then it turned to anxious, uh, kind of stressed.
Didn't know what was going to happen. It was just so many people,
-it was very intimidating at that point. -[crowd cheers]
[man] So, we're going to start things out with a bikini contest.
We got one, two, three, four, five, seven, eight girls
that are going to dance for all of you.
[crowd cheers]
All right, so we're going to go with the first girl.
Where's contestant number one?
All right, so, senorita, your name and where you're from?
My name is Kimmy and I'm from California.
[crowd cheering]
[upbeat music plays]
[man] Girl, come on. Come on.
Shake that ass. Shake that ass. And shake it, shake it, shake it, girl.
Three, two, one.
Thank you.
OK, all right, I just need them to see exactly what I saw.
So, turn around and do like this.
[crowd cheers]
All right, that's good. [chuckles]
Everybody give it up for contestant number one.
Come on!
[cheering]
[Kimmy] I felt pretty nervous at first. But once the music started going on,
I mean, if I hear a good beat, I can dance to it.
Uh. I-- On one hand, I felt empowered, but then once it was over,
he was like, "OK, wait, wait. No, come back.
Like, turn around and, like, squat down and so they can see what I see."
And I was like, "OK," so I did it. But at that time, it was...
it wasn't my choice to do that,
he was suggesting that and putting that on me,
and that didn't feel natural at all and that didn't feel empowering to me.
[indistinct chatter]
[man] Who thinks contestant number one should be in the final?
[cheering]
Contestant number six?
[cheering]
Senoritas, thank you so much. You can come back here.
[man] Number six!
Lights off!
[Kimmy] The bikini contest was such a testament to our lives.
We're standing and being compared all the time,
and being shamed because our comparison is not--
we're not the same.
And it starts even when we're young, when these guys are... you know,
they're going through puberty and they have their hormones,
and they see these girls on magazine covers
who I hadn't even noticed.
And then I'm like, "Oh, my God, she's so hot."
I'm like, "Why is she hot?" Like, "I think she's pretty."
Like what is-- Like why?
"Like, look at her tits and look at her abs,
like oh my, God, she's perfect. I want a girl like that."
And then you're like, "Well, OK." [chuckles] I'm like, "All right."
And then it just gets worse as you get older,
and it's constantly a comparison.
And the comparison that we're always getting is one look.
And I think that's why we're so susceptible to it.
That one thing influenced me even now, because I'm constantly thinking back
to that one time where I'm like, "Oh my God, she's sexy.
How do I get that?"
[Gail Dines] Let's take a young girl
and think about what does it mean that, you know,
you're on the cusp of puberty,
you're trying to figure out what it means to be female.
And you're looking around the culture and what's coming at you is Beyonce,
Lady Gaga, Miley Cyrus.
And in comes Cosmopolitan with its help
of "Ten Easy Ways to Make Him Remember You."
Today, the culture is saying if you behave a certain way,
act a certain way, dress a certain way, then you are an empowered young woman.
This, my love, has been the year of the booty,
and you are miss booty.
Oh, thank you.
[Jennifer Lopez] You know, you can be sexy, and beautiful,
and it is very empowering, I feel like, for women.
♪ Oh my gosh, look at her butt ♪
[woman] I personally, it doesn't bother me
that she gets up there and twerks in a thong.
You know, if you can do, hey.
[Sut] Any part of popular culture in one sense
tells the same story around female sexuality,
which is female sexuality is the key component
of what it means to be a female.
You know, an individual image only makes sense
in terms of what else surrounds it. If one image by itself, you know,
was surrounded, then, by other images that showed women
in a wider variety of roles,
there would be nothing wrong with that one image.
But when that one image is surrounded by another image
that looks exactly the same, looks exactly the same,
and that is only about one aspect of what
women's identities could be, that's when I think these images
will then start to take a real hold,
because it normalizes the idea that to be a regular girl
means to act in this way.
♪ 'Cause I just Want to look good for you ♪
♪ Good for you, oh, oh ♪
♪ I just want to look good for you ♪
♪ Good for you, oh, oh ♪
♪ Let me show you ♪
♪ How proud I am to be yours ♪
♪ Leave this dress a mess on the floor ♪
♪ And still look good for you Good for you, oh, oh ♪
[Kim Biddle] When you've accepted the belief
for yourself as a--as a young girl that my value equates my sex appeal,
then you begin to act on that belief,
and you begin to then need to compete and vie
for attention from guys and be more noticed
and more valued than your other girlfriends
that are also beautiful and have sex appeal.
So, you will do crazy things to gain that attention,
to gain that favor, to be sexy enough because you've equated your value
and your self-identity with that.
[MC] We're throwing a party today like no other.
We got a bikini contest going up.
All these hot ladies are going to be shaking it for you guys.
The other day, I went on there, like I danced on stage and stuff.
And like, it was just really fun. It just... it makes you feel, like, free.
It's like an attention experience.
It's like for a moment you're, like, on the spotlight.
[woman] I'm up here. Everyone's looking at me right now.
Like, I feel good. They're happy.
Like, it's just a good feeling of empowerment.
[MC] All right, twerk it for the crowd. Guys, I want to hear you out there.
Let's keep this energy going, come on.
I saw all these girls dancing up there. I was like, "I need to get up there."
[woman] When I got on stage, alls I heard was cheers from 500 students.
I felt like I was famous, I'm not going to lie.
By the time I was dancing in there, so many boys,
so many boys are out for me.
And I felt like I'm the life of the party right now.
[women chuckle]
Your confidence went down from here,
which in proportion was already high enough,
where it went to up here.
[man] Ladies and gentlemen,
the winner of the Club La Vela day stage twerking contest,
make some noise for Crystal from SIU.
[cheering]
[Caroline] I think that women believe that being a sex object
is empowering because it makes them feel as though they are wanted and desired.
But the idea that our bodies are our value means
that we are forever dependent upon men to validate us,
we're dependent upon an outside source
to say that we are important, to say that we are valuable.
So, I think women engage in hookup culture because it fits right into this.
What's the ultimate way to get validation? It's to be wanted sexually.
If someone values you and wants to have sex with you,
then for that brief moment in time, we feel validated,
uh, we feel like we matter, we feel like we have worth.
[Gail] We all hunger for visibility. This is the human condition.
We want to be valued, we want to be visible.
Yet, in this culture, we say to young women,
in order to be visible, in order to be noticed,
in order to be desired,
you have to A, look a certain way, and B, behave a certain way.
And if you don't, then you are basically rendered invisible.
[Sut] Everyone wants to matter.
The will to matter is a kind of, you know, primal urge,
that we need to matter to other people, we need--we need to be in society.
And if the culture says to girls
this is the only way in which you can matter,
it's not surprising, then, they take on those roles,
because if they don't, then actually you don't matter.
If you don't, you become invisible.
If you don't, you actually can't have that human connection
that everyone needs.
And so, you know, that pressure just drives women to take on these roles,
even though that may not be what they really want to do.
[EDM music playing]
[singing indistinctly]
[Kimmy] It all started, I think, the whole sexualization
thing started when I was in, like, eighth grade I believe?
And that's when guys started asking me for nude pictures like from school.
And I was--I was so confused as to why they would ask me for that.
And a lot of the time when I wouldn't, they would just lose interest.
And, you know, when you're at such a vulnerable age,
you're like, "Oh, my goodness, like, no one's going to like me,
and it's just going to be awkward,
and I'm going to be known as that girl who didn't do it."
So, there were definitely a couple instances
in which I did send them.
And like, I did get the attention that I wanted
until it came to the point where it wasn't just pictures anymore.
It was like, "OK, well, you're sending me pictures.
Don't be a tease."
And I'm just like, "OK?"
Um, so, I mean, I had sex on my own terms and I did all the things on my own terms,
but at the same time, it was so uncomfortable for me
because it's just all these added pressures.
[Farrah] Yeah, that's so true and real in my life as well.
And I think growing up, on top of being pressured to do things,
it's so about pleasing others. And it's what--what they think about me,
especially when you're that young and you're being told what's normal.
And like I said, I was a little girl looking at magazines and some movies,
and you look at women, and that's what you start to be,
you start to look like that.
And I feel like every girl just has insecurities
because none of us look like that.
So, either way, you're going to find something wrong with you,
and it sucks that we have to deal with that day to day.
[indistinct conversations]
[man] All right, so, senorita, your name and where you're from.
My name is Farrah, and I'm from California.
[man] She's Farrah, also from California. And here we go, come on.
[music plays]
Oh yeah.
Oh.
Come on, girl, shake that ass. Let's go.
Bring it, twerk it, come on!
Now, I have a question. Do you want to see her take her top off?
[Farrah] No, no, no.
[man] So, everybody say, "Show your tits."
Come on, say it.
[all] Show your tits.
[man] Everybody say it.
[all] Show your tits.
[man] All right, that's it. Here we go. Come on.
One, two, three.
OK, we'll do it at the same time, come on.
All right, DJ.
[crowd] Boo!
[man] Hey, guys, come on, come on, be nice.
All right, so let's go on with contestant number four.
[Farrah] For me, they were cheering to take off my top.
And in no shape or form would I ever think to do that.
But in that situation, it was-- It was very tempting.
Or I don't know how to explain it, you know?
Everyone's all-- The whole... The whole crowd is screaming for it,
and if--if you're on the border of it, you're for sure going to do it.
Like, I just knew I wasn't going to, and I was even tempted to.
So, I think when they have an entire...
an entire arena basically screaming for you
to do one thing, it is very hard to say no.
And I did, and I got booed for it, but whatever.
I mean, I'm sure if they went on for five minutes,
I'd probably end up doing it, because you just want to satisfy them
and just get them to shut up.
[all] Take it off! Take it off!
Take it off! Take it off!
Take it off!
[man] Come on, they're asking for it.
You wanted to win, right? They already made a lot of noise for you,
so let's do it one more time, come on. One, two, three, go.
Come on, go, go, go, go.
[cheering]
All right, everybody give it up for contestant number five.
[Sut] On the one hand, you know, you have women who are being told
that sexuality is everything,
and it's about female bodies satisfying male bodies.
And on the other hand, you have boys being told
that masculinity is about being tough, it's about being in control,
it's about sleeping with lots of girls.
When that is all within the context of hookup culture,
where sex is separated from relationships and feelings,
then with alcohol thrown in, you know, the results are going to be disastrous.
[crowd cheering]
[man] Hey, girl. Come here.
[girl screaming indistinctly]
Here's what's going to happen. I'm going to give you two beads.
To motorboat your titties. Two beads, OK?
You ready? You ready?
[woman] I don't want to do it. I'm not gonna do it.
Why not?
-Listen... -I'll be gentle.
[man] Lift those tits and let him motorboat you.
I'll be gentle. I'll be gentle.
-[man groaning] -Where's she going?
-Listen... -[woman] I'm sorry.
Come on, guys.
[Caroline] Inherent in hookup culture is the idea
that men are supposed to be the drivers, in the driver's seat,
and they are entitled to women's bodies
and women don't have as much say as men in determining
whether or not sex happens.
And for a lot of men, you know, they get the idea
that all they have to do is push, push, push.
And some of them, you know, are very planful about it.
[indistinct chatter]
[Robert] If you think about the real messages
we send to boys about what it means to be a man,
often they're bound up in that sense of power and aggression.
And given the centrality of sexuality to our lives,
not surprisingly those messages play out in sex.
[laughs]
You got to show your fucking tits!
-I want the fucking-- -[cheering]
[Robert] So, if men are socialized
to be sexually aggressive, then it's not a very big leap
from a consensual sexual activity to sexual coercion of varying degrees,
where men are often encouraged to pressure women
into being sexually available, even when that girl might not want to.
They have a look to their face.
They have that look, a certain look to them
that you just know they want to be motorboated.
Some of them... some of them don't look like they want to,
but usually the more intoxicated they are,
the more likely they are to let you motorboat them.
It's an art. You have to look and you scope them out.
It's almost like motherfucking fishing.
[all] Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug,
chug, chug, chug.
[cheering]
Tits out for the boys! Tits out for the boys!
[cheering]
[speaking indistinctly]
Show your tits! Show your tits!
[woman] No! No!
[crowd] Show your tits! Show your tits!
Hell no.
Show your tits! Show your tits!
[woman] There was guys walking past me like,
"Show your tits, show your tits."
And like girls are, like, pressured into it.
Like, girls that wouldn't usually do it are over there,
like, showing their boobs and stuff.
[all] One more time! One more time!
One more time! One more time!
Girls like to show it off. Like, they act innocent inside,
but they really do like to show it off.
All girls are freaks, I think, to be honest.
They just-- It just takes--
You have to get it out of them, you know what I mean?
Oh, lots-- All girls are sluts. Girls are nothing but panty droppers.
You give them a couple percosets, a Vicodin,
and a beer, and the panties drop. It's nice.
[man] He's got it down to a science.
[all] Tits out for the boys! Tits out for the boys!
[woman] No. [screams]
You're a slut. That's what you are. You're a slut.
I said she's a slut. She is.
They're all sluts.
You know, some men pushing through a woman's no,
right, like she says no and he keeps going,
and she says, "No, I don't really want to," he keeps going.
And you know, that man, he just sees himself as a player.
That's how it works. You know, that's what the scripts show me.
That's what you're supposed to do with women.
And then women who, again, who have been socialized
into performing for men, who now have had a couple drinks,
guys are pressuring them, "Come on, do it. Let's do it."
And then guys, when they do that, then the men immediately think
that these women are now, uh, fair game. And some men feel license to touch women
and grab women and act on these women sexually.
Yeah!
You got beads. You got beads. You gotta show it. You gotta show it.
No.
-No? -No, no!
That's so inappropriate. No.
Inappropriate? Can I get a high five?
[Robert] We're talking about a sexually coercive landscape
in which men are socialized into taking sex from women.
Women are socialized into capitulating to that
as a part of a normal "social scene."
And the terrain on which sex then goes forward
is extremely difficult and extremely dangerous,
especially for young women.
This is a culture in which sexual intrusion has become normalized.
[woman] This guy just came up to me and like,
"Hey, what's your name?" and started touching my butt.
And I grabbed him, and I was like, "You know, like, no, that's not OK."
[woman] Out here, there's a lot of grabbing, whistling,
just grabbing your face, trying to make out with you.
Yeah, guys out here, they think they can do anything.
[cheering]
I honestly walked by a guy and he ripped my top down.
-I was like, "No." -No way.
This one guy, I don't know who he was,
came up to me and starts, like, trying to, like, touch me.
I'm like, "Eww! Like get off me." And then he walks away and he's like,
"Yeah, fine, fuck you, you bitch."
I'm like, "You're the one that came up to me
and were, like, sexually harassing me."
[man] Do guys ask permission when they grope you
-and stuff like that? -No, they don't. They're disgusting.
She punched someone in the face.
I punched someone in the face my first day here.
I hit a guy the other day. I went and I elbowed him.
They just literally come up behind you and grab your butt.
[indistinct chatter]
Some random guy literally sucked my tit out of nowhere.
I just went-- I just went with it. There was nothing much I could do.
Yeah, there was definitely nothing she could do.
There was nothing you could do to solve that.
[woman]They'll come up to you.
They'll grab you in every way, shape, or form.
They think that they're entitled to you and to your body.
[shouting]
[man] Motorboat those titties!
[woman] Put me down!
Help me, help me!
[man] Do you feel safe here?
No!
-No! -No! [chuckles]
Not really.
That's so sad. Do you want us to say yes?
[sing-song voice] Hey, we want some pussy! Hey, we want some pussy!
[man] Fuck her!
[all] Fuck! Fuck!
[clamoring]
Vagina!
[man] Tell me about that. What happened?
So her coochie was wide open.
so shit-- just pull the fucking coochie off.
-And everybody just went at it. -[man] Everybody.
Everybody just went at it and fucking had a blast.
I know I did. Blasty blast.
Started grabbing her like that.
Grabbing everything.
Grabbing and fondling her fucking fun box.
[all] Pussy! Pussy! Hey, Pussy!
[man] Pussy!
[man] Why... why do guys feel entitled to women's bodies?
Because it's--it's not even the spring break mentality.
It happens everywhere. I can tell you--
[Loden] Bars.
I can tell you everywhere.
Especially we have a club back in town called Coliseum.
Every time I go into this club, I can count 100% some guy's
going to try and take my clothes off, 100%.
Guys feel like-- And it's not even-- Media makes them think that it's OK
because women are sexual objects.
They're not like people.
[Loden] MTV, man. It plays a big role in that.
I watched the MTV Spring Break when I was a kid growing up.
And you watch that, like I watched that a child growing up,
like MTV Spring Break.
And you watch that and you're like, "Spring break,
you can do anything you want to."
[woman] Everybody ready? Yep, OK.
Um...
Well, guys, today we're here to talk about
probably one of the most disgusting, repulsive,
sickening things that I've seen this year on Panama City Beach,
and I've seen a lot of them.
Today, we bring a case forward
and--and publically of a gang rape
type sexual battery that occurred,
uh, during the middle of March on the sandy white beaches
directly behind the Spinnaker Club.
Bay County Sheriff's officials are continuing
to investigate a video that has surfaced.
An apparent spring break gang rape recorded on a cell phone.
There is a screenshot of the alleged assault,
it has been blurred.
[woman] The video shows hundreds of beachgoers
continuing to party while less than 10 feet away
police say at least three men were gang raping
an apparently unconscious 19-year-old woman.
[Megyn] They say that her legs are being held down,
the police tell us.
They say you can hear people saying, "That's nasty,"
and, "She isn't going to know,".
The visual of everyone there not doing anything about it
just shows how permissible it is in our society.
A crowded beach, broad daylight,
and this apparently happening and no one doing a darn thing.
How is that possible?
How do we explain something like this?
[Sean] How could this happen, a gang rape in broad daylight
on the beach with people all around this unconscious girl?
It's beyond my comprehension,
especially if it was behind one of the super clubs.
This is not the first video we've recovered,
it's not the second video, it's not the third video.
There's a number of videos we recovered with things similar to this.
And I can only imagine how many we haven't recovered.
This is about something endemic in our culture,
both in the spring break culture and on our college campuses,
where we have institutionalized binge alcohol
and hooking up culture.
And at spring break, this is acted out.
look, as the sheriff said, more than he understood,
more than he imagined, it's becoming normative,
so these kids don't even understand
they're engaging in criminal behavior when people are
in a condition to not even be able to defend themselves.
[Frank] Our culture, and our society and our young people have got to the point
to where obviously this is acceptable somewhere.
And we can wear t-shirts and say save our beach all we want to,
but that is not going to restore this girl
who was viciously violated by these individuals
last month on our beaches.
[Don] What are they thinking? Like, what are these guys thinking?
And the answer is very simple, they think it's OK.
They think that this is what they're supposed to do,
this is the party.
This is what you do.
You have respectable businesses, hotels and restaurants
and otherwise respectable businesses, who are saying do that.
Let's have this night. Let's do these kind of shots.
All right, it's a whole culture that's saying do this.
And so they're just acting out all those things
that they've seen in one way or another through various forms of media growing up.
They were socialized in our neighborhoods, they were socialized in our high schools
and our communities. And we can sit there and watch that
and see this horrific scene, "What were they thinking?"
They were thinking it was OK.
[Caroline] During spring break, sexual violence is absolutely the norm.
the strange thing about all of this
is this happens every year, and this happens
with hundreds of thousands of people in hundreds of cities.
The fact that we normalize that
and let that happen in a public setting I think
is a clear indicator that we live in a rape culture
where we condone this sort of behavior.
So, when we ask ourselves why is it that young people
are engaging in these things, we have to look at ourselves
as well, because this is the culture that we've created.
[Sut] What does it mean to be masculine?
What does it mean to be feminine?
What is the full range of what it means to be human?
In popular culture, men and women are encouraged
to be in the world in very, very narrow ways.
We need to create a world that's not this narrow box,
but there's this whole range of ways
in which girls can be girls and boys can be boys.
[Robert] When you get men away from the banter
and the bravado of trying to impress other men,
you get a very different story.
You get a story of complexity, of self-doubt.
Because I think at some level, we all know as men
that this conception of masculinity is undermining
our own ability to be full human beings.
If you really want to be a person in the deepest sense
that we mean that, you've got to let go of what we've learned as men,
which is to use women for our own sexual pleasure.
[Don] You haven't challenged men and boys to be better.
You haven't seen men challenge each other to be loving
and caring and sensitive and passive and submissive
and empathetic and vulnerable.
We don't allow other men to be those things,
but that's the truth for us as men.
We need to be more honest about who we are as emotional,
vulnerable human beings.
[Tony] I remember asking a nine-year-old boy
if he didn't have to live with these norms that
he has to negotiate, if he didn't have to live with that,
you know, what would the impact be for him.
And he said to me, "I would be free."
And I said, "Wow, he's not liberated."
So, these same notions of manhood that are
holding women hostage are holding men hostage.
It's important for men to see that it's in
our own self-interest to embrace the dignity of women.
By embracing the dignity of women,
I'm allowing myself to be full, myself to be whole.
When I embrace the dignity of women,
I'm no longer being held hostage to these rigid norms
that define manhood.
So, when I'm promoting freedom for women, I'm promoting freedom for me.
[Caroline] The system is completely and profoundly broken for women.
And so it's good for young women to fight
to get away from the messages that make us feel
that we need to be sex objects and that that's our worth.
And to carve out spaces with like-minded individuals
where they can explore these ideas of empowerment,
what it really means to be empowered,
what it really means to--to have self-worth and confidence
and how you can build that.
[Dakota] I want to put this out there for all young women.
Do not believe the media, because it's bullshit.
They need you to be thin, pretty, tall, gorgeous.
But we're so much more than that. Like, you can be sweet, you can be fun,
you can be happy. You can become a powerful woman in society
if you want to.
[Kimmy] It was necessary to grow up, step back,
and realize that I was influenced by other people.
And that all the decisions that I thought I was making myself
were decisions made in the hopes of pleasing someone else
or being like someone else.
It's kind of sad,
especially because right now my sister's 13.
[sobbing]
And I'm just hearing all of us go through this.
I don't want her to be pressured. I want her-- I want her to do it herself,
and I want her to feel strong, and I want her to make her own choices.
I want her to know she's beautiful.
I don't want her to base her worth on other people.
It's hard growing up and just seeing the cycle continue.
It's my baby sister.
[Kim] I think in the heart of a woman,
we want to be seen as truly beautiful,
someone to be treasured and lifted up.
And we're hoping, constantly hoping that someone
will not exploit, not degrade,
but treasure who we are, who we really are.
And that's at the heart of all of us.
We all need to be known, to have human connection,
to be seen and to still be loved in that place.
If we're keeping parts hidden or just displaying one thing
or compartmentalizing our life,
it's preventing us from being
liberated in who we are in our fullness.
There needs to be a resurgence in our culture
that values humanity, that values a man,
that values a woman for their entirety of mind, body, and soul.
That process starts with me, and it starts with you.
[narrator] Life as a child was full of possibility
and freedom.
As an adult, I realize how conditioned I've become,
how scripted my life feels.
In the struggle of growing up, we seem to lose
our unique way of being in the world.
[giggling]
Our sense of wonder and imagination is often drowned by cultural expectations
and the pressure to conform.
Maybe it's time for us to reclaim who we are,
to see each other with empathy,
and to strive to truly be free.