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[rock music builds]
*
* Don't ask me no favors, sweetie *
* Don't ask me for a damn thing *
*
* Don't ask me no favors, baby *
* Don't ask me for a damn thing *
*
* Every time that I need you
*
* But you don't know my name
[can pops open]
*
* Did I look that gunshot winner, baby *
* Seen you kissing on that man *
*
* But I look that gunshot winner baby *
[can clatters]
* Seen you kissing on that man *
[static, bluegrass music plays]
*
- Hey, Barnes?
[laughter, chattering]
[sighs]
Hey, Barnes, you need to put a leash
on those young'uns of yours, all of them.
Hey, Barnes, you find anything yet?
Can you hear me all right?
- You got a problem.
Well, you got termites.
- Termites? You sure about that?
- I'm positive. - Well, how bad is it?
- Well, let me put it like this.
If the termites weren't holding your house up, it'd fall down.
I'm gonna have to give you a special treatment
down here and inside.
- What you gonna do about that?
- Oh, this what Henry did?
- Yup.
- Well, ain't nothing I can do about either one right now.
I'm running late, but I'll get to 'em.
- All right, then, we'll see if you do.
- All right.
[gentle guitar music]
*
- Twins, what in the world are you doing, huh?
You do know it's a school day, don't you?
- Ah, shoot. - Excuse me?
- I said shoot. - No, I heard what you said,
and that ain't what you said, and I should wash your mouth
out with grandpa's castor oil. That's what I ought to do.
- Mama, we thought it was Saturday.
- No, honey, that's tomorrow.
Come here.
Hey, now, I might be wrong, but I swear we used
to have books back when I was in school.
- I didn't have any homework.
Oh, by the way, I'm going to Amy's house tonight.
- Are you asking me, or are you telling me?
- I ain't waiting on them.
- [sighs] All right, get your little rear ends inside
and get dressed before you miss the bus, all right?
Hey, what's the matter, Timmy? - I don't feel good.
- Well, you just felt fine to be playing,
didn't you? Now, go on.
- These pants are still wet. - Get in the house!
[alarm ringing]
- Henry, get your butt up.
You're gonna be late for school.
Come on, boy. - I ain't going today, sorry.
- Suit yourself. It's your future.
- Oh, you're going to school. Get--
- Ellie?
- Hey.
What's up? - Look.
Your dog has scattered trash all over my yard again.
I ain't picking it up.
- What makes you so sure it was my dog?
Shadrack, hey! Cut that out.
All right, well, what makes you so sure it was my trash?
Oh, we don't even eat there, so.
- You know, it might not hurt to get his nuts cut, either.
Keep that mutt away from my Maxine.
- Not my dog's fault, Mr. Melvie.
Maxine, she's a little hottie. [chuckles]
- Well, something's got to be done about it.
- And something will be.
- All right, now.
- See you later.
- All right. - [chuckles]
- What was that all about?
- What was what all about? - You know what.
- That ain't nothing. - Yeah, I'll bet it wasn't.
- You're jealous, aren't you? - No, I ain't.
I just don't like the neighbors seeing you in your nightgown.
- It's just Gordon. - Especially Gordon.
He might get the wrong idea.
- He might get something. - You ain't funny.
- Hey, you coming home for lunch today?
- Why?
- I don't know. I'm just--I'm just asking.
- Well, you fixing something?
- Well, no. I mean, I ain't fixing nothing special.
- Well, then why would I come home?
That don't make no sense.
[baby babbles]
- Well, hello! - Hey.
- Look who's here.
I made him sleep on the couch last night.
He's not happy about it. - Good for you.
- I know. Yay, Caroline. We're gonna have fun.
- You might need to change her diaper.
I smell cock-a-poodie.
- Ooh, you got a little poo-poo, Caroline?
Ooh, that ain't no little poo-poo.
Get on. Get those toys, girl.
Okay. - Oh, thank you so much.
You don't mind? - No, are you kidding.
Don't you worry about a thing. - All right.
[country rock music]
- * Yeah
[engine starts]
*
* Where you go you made the light *
* You put the stars in the night *
* Came without them, back inside *
[music, engine shuts off]
- Hey, where you two going? You miss the bus again?
- Yeah.
- Are you going to school?
- Yeah, for once.
Hey, how about you guys hop in?
- You wore the same thing yesterday.
- Yes, you're all clean now. You're all clean.
- Ma, that sucks.
- Hey, what are you doing home so early?
- I couldn't find a parking spot.
- Well, you are absolutely useless, boy.
- So? - Here, make yourself useful.
Come on.
- I don't want that.
- Help me out. Say, "Help me out."
Oh, please.
Say, "Thank you, Henry."
- * Some days rock and some don't *
*
[music, engine shuts off]
- Howdy, Barnes. - Hey, hey.
- Elmer, show Mr. Barnes what we found back there.
- There's more bugs than usual.
- I seen your commercial. - Yeah? Which one?
- The one where you're getting drug behind that 4x4.
Man, that was a hoot, I tell you what.
- How much I owe you, Bo? - 10.
I like the one where you're jumping off the--
off the roof, too, like a superhero.
- How much for the mirror? - That includes the mirror.
That's right, $10.
Hey, you come back now, you hear?
Man, I should have give him that darn mirror.
What's the verdict back there?
- Eh, nothing new. I know what the problem is.
- I should have give him the haircut too.
Okay, well, what you gonna show me?
- Need to cover that hole up right there.
- We'll take care of it. Thanks, sir.
- All right. Have a good 'un, Elmer.
[engine starts]
[country music plays on radio]
*
[tires screech, vehicles crash]
- You have any idea how hard it is
to get parts for that car, Barnes?
[soft guitar music]
*
[water trickling]
[bubbles popping]
- [screaming]
[Spanish guitar music]
*
[grunting]
[dial rotates]
[line trilling]
Yeah, it's Randy Barnes.
Some sicko just broke into my brother's house.
No, I done chased him off. There's no apparent danger.
You gonna want to send somebody up here anyway.
Well, yeah, he did appear to be on dope or something,
not that I would know, but--
[sirens whooping]
- Man, I'm glad to see you guys.
- Hold it right there, mister. - Hey, this is my house.
- Yeah, I bet it is.
- [groans]
Sir, you're making a mistake.
- No. - A big mistake.
- You're the one that made the mistake.
- Ow! - Yeah, that's what you get
for threatening an officer of the law.
Mick, you want to take this fat boy out of here?
- [grunting] Sir, you seem like you're fairly intelligent.
- What in the w--what is going on?
Gordon?
- Hey! - You all right?
- Wha--hello?
- You'll have to ask that guy right there.
He's in charge.
I don't know if we supposed to tell or not.
- Apparently this turkey was caught breaking and entering
into that house over... there.
- You boys are quick. - Randy!
- Hey, Ellie. Good thing you wasn't here.
Don't worry, I took care of your little intruder problem.
- No--[stammers] Randy, this is--
no, this is our house right here.
Randy, get in the house. You're half-naked.
Yeah, you better get your ass in that house.
- Don't talk to me like that! - Get some clothes on!
- I didn't get married for a reason!
- He seems a bit unstable.
Is--is he threat to anyone? - He's crazy.
I don't-- - What is going on?
- Well, good to see you too.
[laughs] - Hey, Curt.
- Hey, Billy. - Everything all right?
- Yeah. How's work? - Busy.
- Yeah, I can tell.
- She can smell bug spray. So what exactly is going on?
- Guess what? Guess what, guess what, guess what?
Guess what? Guess what? - What? What?
- I'm staying for a couple days.
- You almost gave me a headache.
- Well, long time, no see.
[door opens, closes]
Nah, for real, Ellie, you don't mind?
Mi casa, su casa? Dah!
You believe it, all this fuss over me?
- Hey, Randy, Mick over here needs to talk to you
about some official police business.
- Oh, lordy. - [clicks tongue] Thanks, bud.
[motor grinding]
- So, uh, what are your plans for Sunday?
- That is the last time I ever buy anything the Roper's made.
Piece of junk.
I'm sorry, what'd you say? Sunday?
Um, well, I ain't doing anything.
That'd be all right.
Sure as heck ain't cutting grass.
[chuckles]
- I thought that was y'all's house, so I let myself in.
- Why wasn't you in school today?
- Headache. - You always have a headache.
- That wasn't Louise? - Yup.
- Now, I am not sure,
but I think she's got some diarrhea.
- Oh, is that right? - Oh.
- You got the shits, little lady?
- Here, sweetie. Caroline?
Here you go, baby. Here you go, baby.
- It's okay. - You take those home with you.
- It's okay. - Yeah.
- Hey, Sunday, now, hot dogs,
swimming, you've got to come and bring the kids, you know?
Ann won't be happy if you're not there.
- Oh, that sounds great, and I will talk Billy into it.
Hey, we are not letting Randy stay, and that is final.
- Look, it's just Randy.
- I know, and I like Randy, but you know how he is,
and we have got so much going on,
and it is just too hectic.
- I know. I know, believe me, all right?
But he's my dang brother.
He's family.
We got enough room. He can stay on the couch.
- If he stays on the couch, then so do you.
- So what do you think I should get mom for her birthday?
- Well, I already got her something from you.
- Yeah, but I get her socks every year.
- Yeah, you could make her something.
- I just ain't never made anything before.
[dishes clattering]
- Look, if you want to give her something for her birthday,
something she's really gonna love and enjoy,
you make her something,
and I just might have an idea what it is.
- Hey, man, do you remember me?
- Yeah, you're the guy who farted all the time.
- Now, how do you remember that when you were only this tall?
That's all you remember about me?
- So, uh, how long you in town for?
I mean, you know, what brings you back up this way?
Last time I heard, you was down in,
uh--oh, you was working
for a graphics company or something.
- Yeah, I was, man.
Yeah, I figure I'd make more working for myself.
Course, I was wrong, but business ain't that bad.
That's why I'm up here. I'm doing the water tower.
- That's good. [boys chattering]
Boys, now, I told y'all, get on in there
and kiss your mama,
all right, n--bo--excuse me for a second.
Boys, I ain't playing.
- Bulldog!
- So you're, uh, painting the water tower?
- Yeah, man. I got to show you my harness.
It's pretty badass. I'm gonna show it to you.
Hey, pull my finger.
- No, going to bed. - You sure?
- Positive. - Your loss, dude.
[farts] Oh, misfire.
[louder fart] Ooh.
There she is. That's right.
- Henry going to bed? - Yeah, man.
- Oh, God.
Don't want-- - Pretty good, right?
- Phew. Man. I forgot about that.
Scoot on over.
- For what?
- Well, I figure I'll sleep out here with you.
- Are you kidding?
- [laughing] No, man.
- Oh, man. - Scoot on over.
I want you to catch me up on what's been going on, man.
I ain't talked to you or seen you in eight years.
- Things just went from comfortable
to totally uncomfortable.
- You love it.
- You still grind your teeth in your sleep?
- Oh, yeah.
- Ma, can we have this for breakfast?
- Oh, no, not until you finish what is left of this one,
so don't even think about opening this box
until that is all gone, all right?
Hey! Which one of you got into this box?
And where is the prize?
Timmy? Jimmy?
I've got some clean towels for you.
- Howdy. - Oh, hey.
I thought you were in the shower.
- There's no sense in trying to hide it now.
I was using the water as a camouflage.
- Oh, just make sure you flush.
- You got it.
- All righty. [sighs]
- What's this?
- This...
- What is this stuff?
- This is your present to your mama.
- Well, I don't think she's gonna like it too much.
It looks like doo-doo.
- It's modeling clay, boy.
You said you wanted to make her something, right?
- Yeah, but I was thinking
more of a drawing or something like that.
- No, no, it's gonna be much more special.
We just need to go on and get started on it.
- I never done anything like this before.
- That's all right.
I'll give you a little crash course, ceramics 101.
That way you can be fiddling with it while I'm at work.
- Mm, is it supposed to smell like that?
- [laughs] Yeah.
- So what we making?
- Oh, no, we nothing. It's gonna be you.
You the one gonna be making it.
I'm just gonna get you started on it.
All right?
- You might want to get that commode fixed.
I couldn't get that sucker to flush.
- Oh, God. Don't tell me that.
- Ah, don't worry. I closed the door too.
- You don't like shredded wheat?
- Not if it's stale.
- Morning, everybody. [sniffs]
What's that smell?
- Well, you might want to call a plumber.
- Hey, dad. - Hey, baby.
- Where's my kiss? - I see you all the time.
- [blows raspberry] - Well, you'd see him
all the time too if he didn't work so much.
- Yeah. Somebody's got to work
so somebody else can go to the store.
- Let's get you some breakfast.
Sit on down. I'll get you a bowl.
- Here, you can have my seat, honey. I'm done.
- Here you go. - Where's the dang milk?
- You're gonna have to eat it dry.
I ain't got to the Bi-Lo yet.
- Mr. Barnes? - Present.
- I'm sorry I'm late.
I just need to go over a few things with you
before you get started.
First off, if you-- - What's this?
- If you would let me finish, I will tell you.
In the folder you'll find a couple of things.
The first should look somewhat familiar to you, a contract,
which you need to go ahead and sign and return to me.
- What is this?
- My, aren't we talkative this morning.
Um, this is what you are to paint,
and that is where you are to paint it.
Now, go ahead and sign the contract.
Do you have any questions?
- What time's lunch? - That's up to you, Mr. Barnes.
You work your own hours. I'm not your babysitter.
- I pretty much think I can handle it.
- Hopefully your somewhat lack of enthusiasm
will not be reflected in your work,
but just in case, that's my work number,
and, um, don't call me unless it's an emergency,
and I do mean emergency.
I'll let you get to work so I can get to mine.
- You wouldn't have give me the card
if you didn't want me to call. I'm calling.
- All aboard.
Ooh, hey.
Hey! Louise! Hey, you be back here by 3:00.
I need you to watch the twins, okay?
- I will! - Okay.
- Quit it. - You quit it.
- Why don't you both quit it? - He started it.
- Did not. - Did too.
- Yeah, and I'm gonna end it if you don't shut up.
Thank you.
[slaps] Now, buckle up, you hear me?
Right now.
[gentle guitar music]
*
[train whistle blares]
- Hey, Mama, is it all right if Louise stays the night?
- Well, if her parents don't mind.
- They don't care, do they?
- No, they don't care about nothing.
- Well, I guess it's all right then.
- Come on.
- What are we fixing to do, say?
- We are at the grocery store to get food.
- But I ain't hungry. - Me neither.
- Whoa, doggie. Whew.
Hey, Gordon.
- Ellie.
- Hey, wasn't it funny, all that fuss?
- Just hilarious.
- You're not avoiding me, are you?
- No. - Oh, yeah?
- Just I'm trying to check out,
and I don't want to be holding up the line.
- Well, anyway,
I just want you to know that I feel bad about it,
so if there's anything I can do?
'Cause I do. I feel bad
'cause I know it really ain't all that funny, but--[laughs]
- Look, Ellie, if you really want to help me out,
you should start by getting that trash
that's scattered all over my yard every which-a-way,
and in my garden too.
- Sir, you're holding up the line.
- Whoa, miss, I don't know if you know this,
but this is the express lane, ten items or less.
- Okay, well, you should have told me that
before I put all my groceries out, okay?
I mean, here, can't these cans count as one? Please?
[snapping] Hey, twins, twins, twins!
Get your hands out of--hurry, please, all right?
Sorry, sorry, sorry!
Hey, you're tickling me. You got to stop.
You're gonna make me get in a wreck.
Stop. All right, I love you. Sit down.
You're being good boys. Now, sit down. You tickle.
Oh, whoo-hoo, you are home
just in time to help me take in the groceries.
- Hey, mom, can I spend the night at Amy's house tonight?
- Well, if you watch the twins a couple of hours
and if her mama says it's okay, then it is fine by me.
- Yay, thanks, Mom. - Hey, take another bag.
Help a mama out.
- Crybaby Auto, if we ain't got it,
you shouldn't be driving it, so don't be crying,
and turn those tears into gears!
Crybaby Auto, just look for the Crybaby sign,
downtown Guppie at 555-4621, under the water tower.
Come on down for a super deal,
Crybaby!
- Tell me something, Hank. - Henry.
- Hank,
you gonna be a bug man like your old man?
- Not if something better comes along.
- Yeah, it most likely will unless you get married.
You got a while before you got
to start making them decisions, though.
You're--how old are you? - 16.
- 16?
Dang, boy, 16?
Why ain't we out driving around,
scoping chicks and cruising the strip, man?
Why are we sitting here?
Shoot. Man, when I was your age,
I guaran-damn-tee I was the cockiest son of a gun
this side of Guppie, and mean too, boy.
I was mean, mean, mean.
- What'd you do?
- There was only one thing for me to do.
The only thing better than dope at that time
to me was wrestling.
Of course, if you don't know the story, man,
my plans shifted elsewhere.
- You gave up? - No, man.
wrestling was it for me, or so I thought.
There was nothing that could tear me away
from the adrenaline, nothing except for two things,
Crazy Cobb Robbins and the Clutch,
your old Crybaby Clutch, man,
and this was big-time too, man.
See, I wrestled a bit in high school,
but this was pro, you know?
Feather boas, glitter, the whole deal, big-time.
So there we are, me and Crybaby,
going at it, nothing held back,
and at the last moment I made a mistake.
A fatal error that changed my life forever.
I took my eye off the prize, and he came in for the kill.
- So what happened? - Well, I'm fixing
to tell you, man. So--
All right, so there I was,
trapped in this Crybaby Clutch, okay?
And then he throw--hey, hey, grab that table!
Hey, you're just in time.
I'm gonna show him
how to get out of Crybaby Clutch, all right?
You be Crazy Cobb, and I'll be me.
Lay on the floor. - This is gonna be good.
- Lay on the floor.
I'm gonna make you a man. There you go. Put your legs up.
All right, lock me in like that.
Put my leg--grab me like that.
- Okay. - You ready?
- No, I'm--I don't think so.
- Okay, put your elbow into it though.
- Okay. - There you go.
- Like that? - Put this leg up here.
- All right. - You almost--there you go.
- Go easy on him, Henry. - You got to be quick, man,
'cause the Crybaby don't mess around.
- Okay. - You ready?
- I don't know. - Three, two--
- All right. - Ah, ah, boo!
[laughs] See? Yeah!
What do you think about that? What you think about that?
- Yeah! - You should cut your nails.
- Aw, come on, don't be a wee-wee.
Here, let me lay down,
and then I'm gonna put you in it, all right?
All right, lay down here. Put your leg back.
I want you to do it like I showed you,
and I want you to get out of it, okay?
- All right. - Just like I showed you.
That's all you got to do. How's that? How's that feel?
- A little painful. - Oh, it's supposed to be.
How's that? You ready?
- No. - Why?
- I can't. - Oh, "I can't"
never could do nothing.
Come on, man. Put some elbow into it.
You ready? Let's do this.
Let's do this, man.
- Okay. I ca--I give-- - What? You give?
- I give. - You sure?
- Mm-hmm, I'm positive. - Say, "Mother, may I?"
- Mother, may I? - Louder.
- Mother, may I! - Does that hurt?
- Yeah! - How about that?
Does that hurt? - [crying] It hurts.
- What's the matter, man?
- It hurts. - Oh, come on.
Are you gonna cry?
Don't cry. How old are you? I bet if I put-
- 16. - Jimmy and Timmy in this,
they wouldn't cry.
What about that? Ooh, how's that?
There you go. I put a little strain on it.
Huh? You ever been that close to your butt?
What do you think?
- I give--I give-- - Oh!
- Ha-ha! - Ah.
You give.
- You gave me a headache. - Oh, that's supposed
to give you a headache, man. Mine lasted for four months.
You get used to it if you become a wrestler.
- Yeah, well, I was thinking
more, like, a school bus driver.
- Hmm.
- All right, Jimmy,
can you take two giant steps forward?
- Mother, may I? - Yes, you may.
All right, Timmy, can you take five baby steps forward?
- Mother, may I? - Yes, you may.
- What is it, son?
- It sucks. I--I hate it.
Look at it. - I am. I am.
All right, here's what we're gonna do.
I mean, look, it ain't bad.
It--it's just missing a little something, that's all.
- Dad, stop it. Look, I know it sucks.
You know what? You should do it yourself
'cause--'cause I quit.
- Hey, Henry, don't talk like that.
- I just hate the blooming thing.
- I don't want to hear that. - I can't do it.
- "I can't" never did nothing, boy.
- All right, Jimmy,
can you just do two frog jumps forward?
[gasps] You didn't say, "Mother, may I."
Go all the way back.
- Well, now, Henry, nobody showed me
how to make a coffee mug, all right?
I just sort of figured it out, all right?
Or maybe I read it somewhere. I don't know.
I just saw it in my head, and I just did it.
You can do it.
I know you can, but you just got to get over that...
You got that fear you got of messing up
'cause you ain't never done nothing before, all right?
Now, how many times you think Columbus discovered America
before he actually discovered it, huh?
I'ma tell you, goose eggs, zero.
It was new to him, all right?
Just like this is new to you, but you can do this.
You got that old Barnes blood in you, all right?
And I know you can do it. Now, I'm gonna show you.
I'm gonna help you if you get real stuck,
but I want you to promise me--look at me.
I want you to promise me that you gonna give it
a honest-to-goodness try, all right?
Honest to goodness.
Now, you do that, you know,
I think you're gonna even surprise yourself, all right?
- One, two, three, get off my father's apple tree!
- Safe! - Aww.
Oh, hey, daddy. - Hey, boys, how you doing?
Come here. What you doing, boy?
Come here. Ah!
[laughs]
Daddy's done playing. Go on.
- I'm spending the night with Amy tonight.
- Oh, good. I'll be glad to get rid of you.
- Daddy.
- All right, go on and get your baths, now.
Boys, I ain't playing. Go on in right now, pronto.
All right, fine. You don't want to go to the fair, then, huh?
All right, why don't you go ahead
and invite Amy too, all right?
That way you can run on off, do your own thing,
and, you know, you ain't got to hang out
with a bunch of old people, all right?
- I'm gonna go get ready for there.
- You tell her I'll drop the two of ya's off after.
- Well, bid on it.
- I ain't bidding on it.
- Bid on it, man. Don't be a little punk.
Come on. I always wanted one of them.
- What are y'all doing? - eBay.
Man, you can--you look whatever you want, like...
Just--you got to just type it in here.
Like, movies, cars, and anything you want.
- Put, uh, "spring break chicks" in there.
No, "spring break--spring break ladies."
- You can do that yourself, but hey, uh,
just don't double-click. It freezes up.
[soft rock music]
*
- Hi. You must be Louisa's father.
- That'd be me. [chuckles]
Billy Barnes. - Pat.
Well, the girls aren't quite ready yet.
You know girls.
- Yeah.
- Try not to blink so you won't smear it.
This'll turn all of the boys' heads.
- It feels weird. - It's supposed to.
That's what being a lady's all about.
- Hey, boys. - This one don't work.
- Hey. - Pull up on the handle.
- Well, why ain't their dragon going up in the air?
- It don't work. - Pull up on the handle, Jimmy!
- You got to pull down on the handle
so it'll go up in the air.
- It don't work.
- Well, I was thinking we could go on the carousel.
- Merry-go-round?
- Could be romantic.
- Yeah, I don't like going round in circles.
Pull down on the handle, Jimmy.
- Giddy-up, boys.
- Come on, give it a shot.
[children screaming]
[country music]
*
- I ain't. - Ah.
- Oh--[laughs] - You're weird.
- Ooh!
Oh, I'm sorry. Excuse me. - Are you kidding me?
[ring clatters]
[exclaims]
Man. - Well, honey...
no, you ain't--you ain't doing it right.
- Well, peaches, I am aiming right at the thing.
- But you can't aim at the center.
You got to aim to the side of it.
- Well, all right, little miss smarty pants, let's see you
just give it a shot. - All right.
- Rack them up there for her. - I like a good challenge.
Hold that. Hold this, and move over.
Boys, you want to see Mama win a prize?
Okay, now, they must be glued down.
I'll take it another time. - Well take it. Go on.
- Shh.
- Oh! - You didn't even hit them.
- [laughs] Shut up.
- All right, give me this last ball.
Come on, move out of the way. Move out of the way.
- Sir, I'm sorry. We don't get out much.
You can tell? - All right, here we go.
- Oh! - Praise God, you did it.
- Yes! - I am so proud of you!
- About time.
- Whoa, no, whoa, what is that? - That's your prize.
- Well, I want one of them big 'uns.
- You have to win more than once to get one of those.
- You just won once, honey. It's all right.
He's cute. I like him.
- No. - [laughs]
- Well, Ellie...
- [laughs]
- Here you go.
- Thank you, sweetie.
- All right, let's go, boys.
- Let's go, guys.
- Mommy, I got to pee. - You got to pee?
Okay, the bathroom's--well, he's got to pee.
- Oh, you got to pee? - Yeah.
- All right, I'll meet you at the funnel cakes.
- Okay, see you. - All right.
- I want to go to the boys' bathroom.
- Listen, you will go pee where I tell you
and when I tell you, young man, okay?
All right, all right, you can go,
but I will be right here, all right?
Hurry.
Freeze. You're under arrest.
- You make it a point to annoy me,
or somebody pay you to follow me around?
- Oh, relax. I'm just messing with you.
Oh, you smell good.
- It's a new cologne I got at Roper's.
- Yeah, it smells good on you.
- It smells different on everybody.
- I might have to get Billy some of that cologne.
- Well, it smells different on everybody.
- [chuckles]
- What's that you got there?
- Just a little something that Billy won for me.
Ain't he sweet-looking?
- Yeah, he's cute, all right.
- Listen,
[chuckles] I know you don't think I mean it...
but I really am sorry about all that stuff.
- How can I forget when you keep reminding me?
- I didn't say it wasn't funny. I just said I was sorry, okay?
- Well, maybe one day we can all sit around
and drink some wine and talk about it.
- Oh, I'd love that. Let's do it.
Hey.
- I see you got yourself
a new man there. - Yeah.
- Billy better watch himself.
- Yeah, I better get back to my husband.
You ready? Let's go.
- We'll see y'all. - See you.
- Hey, can I drive? - No, man.
First you watch. Then you drive.
- Please?
- [slurring words] Before you get in the ring,
you got to know exactly
who's in that other corner, all right?
And if somebody tells you you can't do something,
most likely they're gonna be right,
and when life pins your legs back behind your head,
sticks your own ass in your face,
you got to hit the gas, man.
Otherwise you're gonna get bulldogged.
That make sense?
- No.
- Get in the truck.
- Come here, boy. [grunts] - [laughing]
- You have a good time, honey? - Yeah.
- Hey, what happened to my cotton candy?
- You sure you don't want to go to daddy's?
We're gonna have chicken.
- Yeah, I really ain't all that hungry.
Can you just--can you drop me off at the house?
- All right.
- Whoa!
- Oh.
Sorry about that. - Hey, Gordon.
- Yeah, it's funny how we keep running into each other.
- Yeah, and if you run into me again,
you ain't gonna be able to afford
to pay for your insurance.
- [laughs]
That's--that's funny. That's good.
- You think you might want to spray anytime soon,
or should I call somebody else?
- Oh, no, I'll get to it tomorrow, all right?
- We'll see if you do. Mr. Barnes, Ellie.
- What? - Now, why are you
on a first-name basis and we ain't?
- We're buddies.
- Well, he's about 2 bucks short of a dollar,
I'm gonna tell you what. - Oh, be nice.
- Dang! Bulldogged again.
- You don't need age to have a good time.
I'll be 17 in two months.
You want a beer? [car horn honks]
- I'm coming! Jeez.
She wants me and her to go over to Roger's house.
- I mean, I don't know who Roger is,
but I'm pretty sure I don't want to make him mad.
- Roger's a jerk, but I need a ride.
[car horn honks]
Maybe I'll see you around sometime
in the store or something.
- Yeah, definitely.
- Hey!
- [laughs]
- You know how mean that was, what you just did to me?
And how embarrassing it was?
[can pops open]
- Yeah, I wouldn't worry too much about it.
You ain't got nothing to be ashamed of.
I know you didn't get that from your daddy.
[gentle guitar music]
- Sure you don't want to go, now?
- No, I just--I don't feel like doing much of nothing.
I had a good time though.
Hurry back.
- I'll be back in about an hour or two.
- All right. - Without the boys.
- [laughs]
both: Bye, Mama. - Bye, boys.
Y'all have a good time. Okay.
- Oh, hey, hey. - Oh.
- Don't forget your prize, now.
[car receding]
- Shoot.
Henry? Randy?
[smooth music plays]
[doorbell rings]
- * Keep on, keep on loving on me *
* Keep on loving on me, keep on loving on me *
* Keep on loving on me
- I'm locked out. - Come on in.
- [chuckles]
[gasps] Maxie, you come here.
[gasps] Who's a pretty girl?
Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness.
- [slurring words] I'm a little drunk.
I didn't think I was that drunk.
You ain't drunk, are you?
- No.
- Well, I got three different kinds of wines,
a white, a red, and mixed. All of them are cheapos,
but I don't think you'd notice if I hadn't just told you.
I got scotch too, if you're into that.
- Red. - All right.
- Wow.
- That was a long time ago. - Yeah, it must have been.
- Well, it wasn't that long ago.
- Oh.
- I stay in shape pretty good, don't you think?
- Yes, you have great athletic build.
- Boxing's good for your body.
Respiratory, reflexes, strengths.
It's as good as milk for your bones, I'll bet you.
- Mm, yeah, unless you break one.
- Well, you wear protective gear and all.
Me and the boys, we go down to the gym
two, three times a month just for kicks.
- You know, I would love to get into something like that.
I need something.
- It ain't that hard.
I think you'd enjoy it.
- Yeah, I do too.
- Well, I mean, Ellie, if you're really interested,
I'd be glad to show you some of my moves.
- Yeah? Yeah, that'd be nice. I'd really love that, Gordon.
I--I would love to learn your technique.
- Well, good. - [laughs]
Oh.
- Drink up then. - All right.
- Hi, guys. - Hi.
- Hey. - What do you got?
- Um, my piggy bank. - Oh, yeah?
- Yeah. - Want to open it up,
buy me something to eat? - Mm-kay.
- Like a hot dog, maybe? - I'll get some too.
- Then I'll get two hot dogs. - I'm kinda hungry.
- Well, how about some cashews?
- Cashews, I'll take that.
- Mm-hmm.
- I don't know about all this, Gordon.
- Oh, come on. You can do it.
- Whoo! Okay.
- There you go.
Hit it.
- [panting]
- All right, now, getting better.
That's a good form.
Doing good. Now step into it.
There you go.
Go for them ribs. Give it a kill shot.
There you go.
There you go, hit that jaw now.
- Oh, this feels-- this feels good.
- There you go.
- [grunting]
- Yeah.
- I want a piece of you, Gordon.
- [chuckles] Oh, you'll get your chance.
[can pops open]
- Bulldog! - Shh--
- Did you ever know granddaddy well?
- No. He wasn't around a whole lot.
- No.
No, he wasn't.
Wasn't around a whole lot with me.
He couldn't say, "I love you,"
couldn't hug you, never kissed me.
I noticed you hug and kiss your kids.
- Yeah, when I'm around them.
- You don't ever slap them?
- I--I've been known to pop them, now.
[both laugh]
You'd teared my hide up right nice a couple of times.
- I didn't hit with no bat or anything like that.
- Did your daddy do that?
- No, he didn't have to.
I sassed him one time.
I mean, I really sassed.
And he hit me, and I went through a door,
took it right off the hinges, landed in the closet.
Clothes all came down on top of me.
And nobody came to find out if I was all right,
and I was laying in there with the clothes on top of me,
and I was wondering if they thought maybe I was dead
or something, you know?
Finally I dug my way out.
I said, "Weren't you wondering whether I was all right?"
And he said, "No, I didn't hit you that hard."
[both laugh]
I took the door off the hinges.
Ah, well.
Yeah, he was something, your granddaddy.
What about your wife?
- You ever just feel like something's missing?
Like it's something that's gone or...
You and mama ever have that?
- Yeah. Everybody does, son.
No matter what you read or what you see in the movies,
nobody's got a perfect marriage.
- Yeah.
- I mean, everybody has a rocky road, you know?
- I feel like I'm failing. - No, no, no,
you're not failing at anything.
Nothing.
If you were failing at anything, I'd tell you.
Don't beat yourself up. That's my job.
- [laughs]
- I love you, son.
I'm real proud of you.
- Appreciate that, daddy.
- I hope you do 'cause you ain't gonna hear it
again for a long time.
[both laugh]
- Come on, Ellie. You can do it.
- Ow! Gordon, it's my first time, all right?
- You ain't concentrating. Come on.
- Ow! That hurts like hell.
- You hit like a girl.
- One, two, three.
One, two, three. One, two--
Ow!
- Uh-oh. - Son of a--
- You lost that one,
and that one too.
- Oh, crap.
Hey, how about going in there and grabbing us a beer apiece?
I hid them in there behind the watermelon.
And a popsicle.
- I don't think we have none. - Not a popsicle,
one of them juice thingamajigs from the icebox, a red one.
Oh, shit.
[women giggling]
Damn. Damn it.
- [sighs]
- Hey, so I made it for Mom.
- Oh. [whistles]
[can clatters]
That's a beaut.
- Yeah, I know.
I'm thinking about putting her name right across the top.
That way it's hers and no one else's, yeah.
- Plus you made it. I mean, shit.
Nobody ever made me no coffee cup.
That's all right.
[humming]
[can pops open]
Whoa. - Yeah.
- Ell, what happened to you?
You get hit by a truck? [laughs]
- [weakly] Yeah, something like that.
- Oh, man. Well, come here.
I'll take care of you.
Ol' Randy's been there plenty of times.
Move your hair back there for me.
This ain't nothing, actually.
- Ow, ow, ow, dang. - It's gonna sting a little.
You got to buck up a little bit.
- Oh, it's cold. It's cold. - Yeah, it's ice.
[both laugh]
If you just hold that on there, it'll go down.
- I got it. I got it.
I got--I got it.
- You can take it.
- [laughs] Mm. Thank you.
Thank you, Randy. That's good.
Mm.
That's good. [whispers] That's good.
Oh, shoot.
- Well, that was stupid. - Dang. Randy.
- That was bad, wasn't it? - Yeah.
- I need a beer. You want one?
- No, no. No, thanks.
- Thank you. - No--for--
For what?
That didn't happen.
- [yawns] I am wore slap out.
Here's some chicken. - Yeah, I'll bet.
- Oh, that was a good time though.
It was nice just sitting around talking and laughing.
That was fun. Y'all do anything different?
- Almost. - Yeah?
Good, I didn't miss nothing.
Where's the beer at?
Where you going? - Mm.
- Where she going?
- Henry? - Hey, uh, just a second.
- I just want to see you. I ain't seen you all day.
- Uh, yeah, um, just a minute, okay?
- I'm not gonna be waiting out here all night for you.
- Hey. - What you doing in here
that you--that you can't come and open the door?
[gasps] Henry.
[women giggling]
- Oh, no, that--that--
- Oh, my.
- No, this is not what you--no, no, no, no.
Mom, I can explain! Oh.
[sighs]
Randy.
- Two sets of antlers for hands.
- [laughing]
- Hey, you need to talk to our son.
- He's your son more than he is mine.
You're the one that had him.
- Billy, seriously, I think--
Randy, could you excuse us for a minute?
- What'd he do?
- Well, I don't even know exactly how to say it,
but I think he was, you know--
- You know, what? - You know.
- Oh.
- And I think you need to talk to him.
- Hmm.
Okay, I'll do it tomorrow.
- No, I want you to talk to him tonight,
or you're sleeping on the couch, buddy.
- I'm probably gonna sleep on the couch anyway.
- I mean for good!
- Okay.
- Ugh.
- It's okay, baby.
- It's not what she thinks.
I was just trying to hide this dang sculpture.
That's all.
- I believe you.
I'm supposed to be in here talking to you anyway.
As soon as she simmers down, I'll set her straight.
How's it coming?
- A little here, a little there.
I'm telling you playing with this thing
day in and day out.
I'm just starting to get tired of it.
- Well, son, you just got to keep at it.
Rome wasn't built in a day.
I mean, the most important thing is you just can't
let her catch you fooling with it, all right?
Make sure the door's locked, you know?
Make sure she ain't around before you whip it out
next time, all right?
I mean, you sure she didn't see it?
- Yeah, I had the door shut,
and then she came in when I had it out,
but I just--
I covered it pretty good with a towel,
so there's no way she saw it.
- She probably would have told me if she'd seen it.
- It's not even hard enough yet.
- Look, don't worry, all right? It's gonna firm up, all right?
What'd I tell you? Rome what?
- Wasn't built in a day. - That's right.
Now, you do it like I showed you.
It's gonna last a long time, all right?
- I ain't never done anything like this before, that's all.
- I know. Relax. All right. Just relax.
There ain't no need to get your tail all in a wad over this.
All right? You just got to be more careful, all right?
You know what I mean?
- What if it leaks? - [laughing]
Son, it ain't gonna leak.
- But-- - All right, just put
a protective coat or two on it, all right?
It'll be fine, all right?
You're doing good, son.
What are you doing? - Nothing.
- You know, I don't think
you're gonna have to worry about Henry.
- No? - No, he's all right.
- Hmm. - How about you?
You ready for bed?
- Yeah, yeah, I'm beat. - Yeah?
- I guess you are too. You had such an exciting day.
- What is that? - Oh, like you care!
Couch. Good night.
- Peaches, I--
- Hey, how you doing?
I see you ain't working.
- No, dad, I ain't.
Hey, boys. [grunts]
Did y'all have a good time? both: Yeah.
- Good.
Now, get on in the house. We're gonna go to the lake.
- Come on in, find you a chestnut.
- What do you like about fishing, Grandpa?
- Fishing's a lot like life, son.
Put your bait out.
Hope it looks tasty, get a lure.
You put it out there, kind of tantalizing fish,
kind of sexy bait, you know?
And wiggle it a little bit,
and the fish comes along... [clicks tongue]
And takes a bite out of it, and you have a little tussle,
and then you get him fight him up here to the dock,
and then...
On the other hand,
you might not catch anything at all,
in which case we'll just go to a bar.
- Oh.
Why are we still fishing?
- [laughs] Well, I don't know.
Why the hell don't we just go to a bar?
- As long as you don't tell my mom.
- Mm-mm. - Yeah.
- Everything's between you and me, right?
- Yeah. Could you imagine Grandma?
- No, I don't want to.
- Oh, hey.
[reel winding]
[sighs]
- Did I fool you?
- No. - [laughs]
- Shark! [muffled screams]
Did I fool you?
- Ah! [chuckling]
- Careful there, Ell. I almost see some titty.
- Oh.
Randy, why don't you just go play football, huh?
- Hey, you know what?
I think I might go get down and dirty.
You know, like I am when I see old Crazy Cobb again?
You can get you some of that.
- Yeah. Oh! - Boom!
You boys mind if I play?
- Yeah, you're on my team. - Hey, Curt!
Curt, come on, man. Four on four, let's go.
[indistinct chatter]
- Is it ketchup or "catch-up?"
I don't know which is more proper.
- Only give him a half a cup.
- Why?
- 'Cause of your heart condition.
- 'Cause of what heart condition?
- You don't need all that caffeine.
- I don't have a heart condition.
Crying out loud, woman.
- Well, just drink your caffeine and die.
See if I care.
- I know you won't care. Other people will.
You'd be surprised how many people like me in spite of you.
[laughter]
- Hey, did either of you two catch anything?
- No, catch a cold, but that was about it.
I'll tell you, I'll take anything I can get
'cause I ain't gonna be around here too much longer.
- Yeah, about five more minutes, old man,
if you don't shut up.
- So Ellie, you and Billy going to the festival?
- Oh, honey, that sounds like fun.
What do you think? - Not to me it don't.
- Just a party pooper. He never wants to go anywhere.
- Well, I'm here right now, ain't I?
- The festival's a special occasion, all right?
- This right here's what I call a special occasion.
- Okay, then what's the festival?
- Just a bunch of old women sitting around
selling arts and crafts, that's what it is.
And there ain't no tag football, now, is there, Randy?
- I hear that.
- Hey, Ann, how did the two of you exactly meet?
- Well, I got a speeding ticket,
so I went to court, and, well,
Curt's a deputy for the sheriff's department.
Anyway, I went down to the county court
to get it taken off my record, and--
- I guess I don't believe in love at first sight,
but when I saw her again--
- Yeah, you knew she was the one, blah, blah, blah.
Okay, now, speaking of parking tickets, I got one
down by the barber shop. - Shut up, Billy.
[laughter]
- How about you, Billy? You like your job?
- Hmm? Yeah, I love it.
Especially this time of year, you know?
It's still warm, lots of business.
- A lot more bugs. - That's true.
Well, good on the old back pocket, you know what I mean?
- So Ellie, if you want to help out,
I'm doing the raffle, if you want to help out with that.
- I'd love it. - Yeah, it's really easy.
Before that, if you're interested,
I--I'm in charge of judging the vegetables.
- Oh, Ann, Ann, you don't want her nowhere near vegetables.
- Why not?
- Now, when was the last time you looked at our garden?
- We don't have a garden. - My case in point right there.
Only thing she can grow is weeds.
Now, I don't know if I'd have her on the raffle either
'cause don't that involve handling money?
- Stop.
[laughter]
- Now you know I'm just kidding.
- I see. - I know you do.
Lord, woman.
I tell you, this woman's got more eyes than Mississippi.
- [laughing] - You want to go swimming, dad?
- This what we have to look forward to?
- That's right. It ain't Ozzie and Harriet.
- [laughs] Uh-huh.
Yeah. [chuckles] Yeah. Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Oh.
Oh. Yeah. Right.
Oh, hey, look, I got to go. Yeah, buh-bye.
- No, don't get up.
- Well, come on in, my friend.
What can I let you see?
We just got in some new hatchbacks,
if that's the kind of thing that you like.
- Actually, I'm looking for Crazy Cobb.
- Well, isn't everybody?
- We're old buddies.
- Um, well, he's actually,
uh, not here right now.
Well, I mean, you know, he does come in
every now and then, periodically,
but if you want something--
- No, I just wanted to see if he remembered me
'cause about nine years ago I wrestled him,
and I wanted to see if he
remembered me 'cause I want-- - Oh, you're a wrestler.
- Yeah, yeah. You know me. - Yeah, you did say Crazy Cobb.
That went right by me. [laughs]
You know, I don't think
Mr. Robbins wrestles anymore.
Um, well, as a matter of fact, it's probably been, let me see,
well, it was three years ago that--
- History don't really interest me, bud,
unless it's sports history, so if you see him,
will you let him know I'm looking for him?
- Oh, yeah, I sure will.
Um, I hardly ever see him, but--but if I do, um,
who can I tell him is looking for him?
- Randy
"The Cannon." I'll check you later.
- Oh, isn't that a hoot? [laughs]
That was a quite a few years ago.
[country rock music]
[motor grinding]
*
- Come on.
[spray can hissing]
- The place is kind of messy. I had company the other night.
- Well, I'll say you did.
- I ain't had time to clean up yet.
- Oh, is that you, Mr. Melvie? - Yup.
- You look pretty tough right there.
- I suppose I was.
[country music playing on speakers]
Everything all right?
Mr. Barnes?
- Yeah.
Yeah, never better.
- Hey, go easy on the bedroom.
That stuff gives me a headache.
* Don't go running off, you might want to hang around *
* It's a whole different town when the sun goes down *
*
* Country girl, you're gonna find a good time *
* Like you never had before
* Moonshine, bonfire, riverside *
[song continues indistinctly]
[pump squeaking]
[spray can hissing]
[rock music builds]
*
[spray can hissing]
- Bye. You're welcome. - Hey, sweet pea.
- See you later.
- You ready for the party?
- Yeah. I'm really excited.
- Bye, sugar.
Hey, I'll pick you up later.
Oh, are you having trouble?
- Just trying to get the stupid grass mowed,
but the mower ain't--you don't have a mower, do you?
- My ex took it when he split, so.
- You need something?
- Maybe.
- Check out this '68 Fairlane, only 160,000 miles.
Oh, my little schoolmarm.
She only drove it to Clemson games.
- I don't like sweet potatoes a whole lot,
but, boy, Ellie sure does. [doorbell rings]
- Well, good. It's her birthday, not yours.
- You find it? - Nah.
- Gordon, what are you doing here?
- I was invited.
- By who? - Me.
I went over there and invited him.
- I brought some beers. - I'll take one.
- Me too. - All right.
- Kitchen's back that way.
- Here you go, partner. - Thank you.
- Louise, you're grounded.
[doorbell rings]
Pat. - [giggles]
- What are you doing here? - Hey. How's it going?
[grunts] Whoo! - Hi, Henry dude.
- Lordy, who all is here?
I didn't want nobody here.
- Oh, come on, Ellie. It's your birthday.
You gonna celebrate whether you like it or not.
[laughing] - All right.
- Hey, Mama.
- Hey. - Happy birthday.
- Oh, thank you, baby. - Yeah.
- My sweet boy. Come on in.
- No, I'm just gonna stay out here a bit longer.
- How are you holding up? - Oh, I'm fine, mama.
Hey, how'd you get here?
- That old brother of yours drove me.
- Oh, drove you crazy, I'm guessing.
- He drives way too fast.
He was lying and saying he wasn't,
but I seen the thing, almost 50.
- Wow. [chuckles]
Hey, twins, guess who is here?
Uncle Donnie Chewtabaccer.
Go get him. Jump all over him.
- Go on, would you? Get you some more, now.
So you can taste the flavoring.
- Oh.
[muffled speech] I still don't like it,
but, well,
it kind of burns the back of your throat.
- Well, it's supposed to. Don't forget to spit.
- Hey, guys. - Hey, fellas.
- What are you guys doing out here?
- What you say? - Got you!
[squealing] Guess who!
- [choking]
[marching band plays on TV]
[can pops open]
- Well, don't everyone start talking at once.
[laughter]
- That's some real good chicken, Gene.
- Uh-huh. - Yeah.
- Yeah, it sure is, daddy. - Yeah.
- Thank you. - Stop.
- No, you. - Stop.
- No. - Ow.
- Now, boys, keep it down in there.
- Give me.
- No. - Give me.
- They're mine. - Give me. Dad?
- All right, that's it. - He's trying to steal my food.
- Get your butt up. [slaps]
Now, boy, look at me. Look at me.
Stop fighting, all right? I'm gonna separate you.
- Honey, I think you embarrassed them.
- Good, let them be embarrassed.
They need to be eating and not fighting.
Ain't that right, daddy?
- Here's a toast.
The happiest hours of my life spent in the arms
of another man's wife, my mother.
[laughter]
[football game plays on TV]
- What's the deal with you two? - What?
- Why y'all keep looking at each other? Huh?
Is there something I need to know about?
You want to share it with the rest of us?
- It's my fault, Billy-- - Well, I ain't talking to you.
I am addressing my wife right here, thank you very much.
- I was just trying to help. - Look, I don't need your help!
- What in the world has gotten into you?
- Something ain't right here, and I don't like it.
- I think you're overreacting. - I ain't blind, Ellie.
- Well, I ain't blind either,
and I will stop looking at him when you tell miss fancy hair
over there to stop looking at you.
- Fancy hair? I do not have to sit here and listen to this.
Now-- - Pat, huh-uh.
Now, I want to know what's really going on here.
- I just want y'all to know for the record
I ain't done nothing. - The hell you ain't.
Ever since you been here things ain't been the same.
- Can I be excused? both: No!
- Sure could use another cup of coffee.
- Can we please just deal with this later?
- Sure. Sure, why the hell not?
You don't want anybody to see how happily married we are,
that's great. That's all.
- Awesome. I will get you another cup of coffee, Grandpa.
- You all right, buddy? - Do I look all right?
Does Ellie look like she's all right?
- Look, there's something I'm thinking
that you ought to know.
Maybe not. I don't know.
Forget I said anything.
- No, no, no, you done-- - No, just forget it.
- No, you done started now.
What do you know I don't?
- It's nothing much. It's about Ellie.
- She's having an affair, ain't she?
- No, I wouldn't call it an affair, exactly.
- Randy, you tell me right now.
How long it been going on? Out with it, straight.
- Nothing's going on, man. Things happened.
- Nothing just happened, Randy.
- Look, it was a kiss, okay?
It was a small, innocent-like kiss,
nothing more, nothing less than that.
That was it. I promise.
That's it. Let it go, man.
- It was a kiss?
[thudding]
You know there ain't no such thing as a innocent kiss.
Why didn't you tell me about this sooner, Randy?
- Well, I was going to, man.
I didn't figure you needed to know.
What's done is done. It's over.
Peace be with you, water under the bridge.
- Oh, hell, no. It's just getting started.
- Oh, shit. - Hey, Gordon.
- Hey, Billy. What's up--
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no. - [grunts]
- Come on, man.
- That was a cheap shot if I ever seen one.
- That is for my wife!
- Is that what this is about?
- Look at him, acting all nonchalant, Randy,
like he don't know what's going on.
Where you been? No, never mind. I know where you been.
- I'm sorry I hit on your wife. - She is mine.
You leave her alone!
- It ain't all my fault, now.
Well, I admit I was pretty drunk,
but you should be proud. She can really go the distance.
- Ooh, you got-- - Boom! Stay down, punk!
- Whoa, whoa, you got to relax, man.
Come on. Take it easy.
- Who is this from? - That's from Billy.
- Kind of big, ain't it?
I'll call you tomorrow.
- [sniffles]
- Maybe you just need to go in there
and talk to her or something.
- I don't know.
I mean, what am I gonna say to her?
I mean, she's gonna tell me it's my fault,
that I'm working too hard.
Shit, I don't know. Maybe I am working too much.
- Yeah, maybe you are. Maybe you ain't.
But you got to do something.
- Like what?
- I don't know, man.
I'm not married for a reason. I don't--
Maybe y'all need to go on a vacation
together or something. - [scoffs]
Oh, man, you don't know how much I'd love that.
I would if I could, but my wallet is stretched
as far as it's gonna go right now.
- What if I helped you out?
I did a sign for a guy down in Gaffney.
He owes me big-time.
What do you think?
- Well, but I got so much work right now, man.
What about my job?
- [mockingly] "Oh, I got so much work.
What about my job?"
Marriage is like having a job, brother.
It's like having anything, man.
If you want it to work out,
sometimes you need to just put a little--
[clicking tongue]
you got to put a little of that in there, you know?
I mean, your job ain't nothing but a damn job.
It's gonna be here when you get back.
Your job ain't gonna go nowhere.
Don't worry about your job, man.
Worry about your woman.
- That's actually halfway decent advice, Randy.
- I appreciate it.
That one's free. Next one's gonna cost you.
[soft guitar music]
*
- Happy birthday.
What's going on with us, Ellie?
What do you want out of me?
No.
What do you need out of me?
- I just--I want things to be like they used to be.
[crying]
I don't even know who I am anymore.
- All right.
Well, how about we just take a little break?
- [sobbing]
- Oh, no! No, baby, no. Baby, no, no, baby, huh-uh.
I meant, like, a vacation, sweetie.
I meant, like, a vacation, like, get away, honey.
- Oh, I thought-- - No.
- I thought--I thought you meant--
both: Can we go?
- All right, boys. - Hey.
- So what you think?
- Well, I ain't thinking nothing.
- I mean about the place.
- Oh, no, yeah, it's nice.
Oh. [both laugh]
Go and get them. - [laughs]
Oh, whoa, brother.
[lighter flickers] - Come on. Come on.
Come on.
- How do I look?
- You look nice.
Hold on just a second.
All right.
Come on. Come on!
All right.
All right. Oh!
- Oh, ba--baby?
- I'm good. I'm okay.
- Okay.
- Help me, Han, help me!
It's pulling me under.
- I'm coming, Luke.
I'll kill it for you, Luke.
- You can't kill it with a stick.
- It ain't a stick. It's a life saver.
- Han Solo don't have no lightsaber.
- Well, I do. - You got to play right, Timmy.
- Why can't I ever be Luke, say?
- I'm always Luke. Help me, Han!
- Take my hand.
- Yah! - [laughs]
Oh.
Oh, hell, this is weird.
- What's weird about it? - [sighs] I don't know.
Don't you feel funny?
- I don't know.
- It smells--it smells like bug spray.
- Now, I took a shower.
You know, sometimes it just don't come off. You know that.
- This ain't gonna work. It's just awkward.
- Dadgummit, now.
- Sorry, Billy. [sighs]
Billy?
- What?
- We kissed.
- I know. Randy told me.
- I didn't know you knew.
- Yeah, I beat the daylights out of him.
- Oh, no, he's your brother, and he didn't mean it.
It was more my fault than it was his.
- Well, I was talking about Gordon.
What are you talking about?
- Billy, I d--
I didn't kiss Gordon.
- Okay, I'm confused.
- Oh, God.
I kissed Randy.
[gentle guitar music]
*
[inaudible]
- Why are we leaving, say?
- Shh. - Can we go back, Mama?
We was having fun.
- No, all right? Just be quiet.
- But it was fun though. - It was real fun.
- Boys!
I got a game we can play.
It's called the quiet game, see how long we can be quiet.
- But that's no fun.
- I already won. - No, you didn't.
We ain't started yet. - Yeah, we did.
Didn't we start?
- We did not, stupid. - Twins!
The game is starting right now.
- Quit it! - I won.
- You did not. You cheated.
- But you talked. - You cheated.
Get away from my side of the car.
- Get off of him!
- I mean, I know...
I know that I ain't the most attractive man
whoever graced your presence,
but I had no intention of ever cheating.
I ain't never once,
not ever once looked at another woman the way I look at you.
- I know you haven't.
[softly] I know.
- You kissed him, Ellie.
- [crying, sniffling]
- Why?
What'd I do to deserve that? Tell me.
- I don't know. - Tell me.
- It was just--it was stupid. I'm sorry.
- What am I supposed to do?
- Just--just spend time with me.
- I do spend time with you.
I'd be spending more time with you
if I was sleeping in the bed!
- You'd be sleeping in the bed more and less on the couch
if you'd just pay me a little more attention.
- I got to work.
You think I like pulling sixes and sevens all the time?
I don't.
- It's not like there's a big old bug epidemic
going on, okay?
It's just always--there's always gonna be
spiders and ants and bees and hornets and wasps
and those old black things with the green shells, okay?
But there's not always gonna be me.
- You know dang well the reason that I ain't here
all the dang time is 'cause I'm out there
working to support this family.
- Yeah, yeah, I know.
It's just that sometimes I need support too, me.
- I'm trying, but you don't give me credit,
don't give me credit.
I've been faithful to you for 15 years.
- 15?
- Well, 16, 16,
but I mean, look, that ain't the point.
The point--doggone it!
You made me forget what I was gonna say!
- You know what? What do you need from me?
- I don't know!
No, you know, I take it back. I do know. I do know.
I want you to acknowledge the little things I do,
the little things I do that I don't like to do
to keep this family together
and just a little understanding on your part.
That's what I want.
- I'm sorry.
[truck approaching]
[truck door opens]
[truck door shuts]
- [babbles] - Randy, can I talk to you?
- Sure, brother. What's up?
- Ain't no point in beating round the bush, Randy.
I know what you done.
- What--what do you mean?
- About Ellie, I know all about it.
- Billy, I can explain that.
I had a bunch of beer that night and--
- I don't care about that. That ain't even the point.
I don't care about the kiss.
Shit, of course I care about the kiss.
Of course I care. I can't lie about that.
- I don't blame you for being mad at me.
- I ain't mad, Randy.
I'm hurt.
Ain't I got a right to be hurt?
Life is falling apart around me,
my wife, my business, and you, you're my dang brother.
You know how that makes me feel?
- No, I don't, but--
- You should have just told me, Randy.
- Billy, nothing happened, I swear it.
- Oh, I want to believe you.
- No, man, she was feeling low,
and before I knew it, we kissed.
That was it, nothing more and nothing less.
- Remember when I was 16
and you was 14
and I had that big old crush on Thelma Nixon?
You remember that? - No.
- [scoffs]
Yeah, well, I do.
I do.
You were my younger, tougher jock brother,
and you took her from me.
I couldn't even hold my head up
'cause my younger brother stole my girl.
- I'm sorry about that. I don't remember.
- You remember Pamela Ryerson?
- Yeah, I do remember her. - What about Mary Jenkins?
You remember her? You took her from me too.
- Yeah, I sure did.
- Yeah, well, you ain't getting Ellie.
I mean that. She's mine.
- I know she's yours, Billy. I don't want her.
I just want Crazy Cobb Robbins.
- You ever touch my wife again,
I'm gonna lay a whupping on you bigger than Crazy Cobb
or anybody else in this whole world ever would.
You understand that?
- Yes, sir.
[door opens, shuts]
- I'm a mite tired.
Is it all right if I sit a spell?
[laughter]
You all know me. I invented this place,
a friendly place, a family place.
I've been around since Guppie was born.
[laughter]
- Why's he shaking like that?
- What's wrong with him? - Well, he's just nervous.
I mean, there's a lot of people.
- I guess it won't be much longer,
and I'll be dead, and y'all will be shed of me.
Yeah.
[mic feedback]
- Do you want to catch that part,
"But I ain't dead yet?" - Oh.
But I ain't dead yet.
[laughter, applause]
- Hey.
Oh, those are awesome. That's perfect.
- Randy, what makes you think he'll actually wrestle you?
- Oh, trust me, he will.
Now, here, you give these to each and every person
you see, all right? You give them out.
- Okay. - Don't even charge them.
- All right. - Okay.
- All right. Y'all be good.
- What's the meaning of this nonsense?
- Crazy Cobb. Speak of the devil.
I've lived my entire life in your shadow.
Now it's time for a rematch, you and me.
Are you man enough, hmm?
I know you was hoping this day would never come,
and now it has, and I'm ready.
Unless you want to show all these people
what a coward you really are.
- I ain't gonna wrestle no two-bit loser like yourself.
But this homemade ring, it is a nice touch.
- Come on, man, wrestle me. You owe me at least that.
Please? Come on, please?
- What'd you say your name was? - Randy.
You know.
Randy.
Randy Barnes? You know. The Cannon?
- [laughs] Give me a break, man.
- I'll be right here when you're ready.
- Where's he going? - Oh, he'll be back.
He's got to attend to a few things first.
[soft bluegrass music plays]
*
[inaudible chatter]
- Balloons, yeah. There's some balloons.
You like balloons?
Yeah.
- What do you want, darling? A new car? I'll get you one.
- Oh, Grandpa gonna get you a new car.
- Yeah. Wow. - Yeah.
- All right, I want you boys to do me a favor, okay?
I want you to stand right here, and I want you to hand
one of these to each of the people that walks by.
I want you to tell them that your Uncle Randy's
a good Christian man. He's doing this for charity.
Okay? One per person.
- * Well, get in the truck, boy, get in the truck *
* Don't you get out if we get stuck *
* Come winter, spring, or summer *
* Come on, you just wait right there till you get me *
- We have t-shirts. You want more t-shirts?
You want a t-shirt? - Thank you, honey.
- Let's go.
- Hey, uh, why did they call you the Cannon again?
- Why do you think?
- Well, I don't know.
- 'Cause I used to fire off a lot of shots.
[ring floor thudding, echoing]
- So Billy ain't coming?
- I think he's working.
Yeah, he doesn't--he doesn't never come to these things.
- Well... - That's all right.
- Ladies and gentlemen of Guppie,
welcome to the main event!
On the count of three--we're gonna count down from three,
and we're gonna unveil the famous Guppie Water Tower!
Are you ready?
[cheers and applause]
I can't hear you!
[cheering]
All right, here we go!
all: Three, two, one!
There she is!
Yeah, let's keep it going.
[cheers and applause]
- Barnes!
- I was wondering how long it was gonna take.
- Must be the stupidest son of a bitch in Guppie
and probably the whole damn world,
but you got guts.
You got a whole lot of guts.
Too bad they gonna be spilling all over this ring
when I'm through with you.
- [laughs] Hold on one second.
- All right, all right, all right, folks!
It looks like we got a wrestling match
that you don't want to miss!
In the red we got Crazy Cobb Robbins!
[crowd booing]
Oh, yeah, that's right, folks.
But this guy, the one,
the only Randy "The Cannon" Barnes!
Yeah!
- That's right! That's right!
Whoa! He's got moves!
Ooh!
- Who am I kidding, Hank? Wrestling's a speed sport.
It's all about dogging and doing flips, man.
I can't pop around like I used to could ten years ago,
man, back when I was in it.
Wrestling is a man's sport about getting in there
and getting nasty, and that's what I like, you know?
- Don't worry about that 'cause it's gonna get nasty.
- Oh, shit, that sucker's built.
[cowbell rings]
[cheers and applause]
- All right! Let's go!
All right! Hey, hey, hey. Let's get this going.
Come on! Come on! Yeah!
Oh, get firm with him. You got to get firm with him.
He's no sissy.
Let's go. Yeah. Yeah, lean back.
Okay, okay.
Go on in. Yeah!
Oh, oh! Get out of that! Get out of that!
Oh, no, no, no! Get out of that!
Randy, you got to get out of there!
- [grunts]
[cheers and applause]
Randy! Come on, pull the hand!
- [farts] - Yeah, yeah!
[cheers and applause]
- Whoo! Whoo!
[Spanish guitar music]
*
- [grunting]
all: Randy! Randy! Randy! Randy!
Randy! Randy!
- Come on! all: Randy!
[crowd continues chanting]
[soft guitar music]
- [laughs] Ellie, look. - I am.
- Look. - I'm looking.
*
- Ellie Barnes.
When I said till death do us part, I meant it,
every last word of it,
and I've been working so much lately,
that I forgot about you.
You're my wife.
More than that, you're my best friend.
- That right there, that's the Billy I love.
That's the Billy I married. That's why I married you.
- Oh, no, no, no,
you married me 'cause I knocked you up.
[both laugh]
- Would you shut up and give me a kiss?
- I thought you'd never ask.
I probably smell like bug spray.
- I don't care.
That's just about my favorite smell in the world.
[sniffs] - [laughs]
- He's that sorry-looking guy right there.
- Mm-hmm.
- Pretty sorry-looking girl too.
- [chuckles]
- Randy! I don't believe it!
You won! - I did.
- Yeah! - Of course I did, yeah.
- You won the raffle. - Oh.
- [groaning]
I hate this couch.
Mm.
- It's about time you got up.
I thought you was gonna sleep all day.
- It's hard to get up off that dang couch.
- I didn't have no problem with it.
- Thanks for letting me have the bed.
I slept good. - Yeah, no problem.
- That's good, 'cause I'm staying till Donnie
gets home from the beach. - Be nice.
You are gonna be late for work.
So give me a kiss.
[soft guitar music]
- Mm.
Hey, Blythe, you gonna be here for lunch?
- Why?
- No reason.
I'll be back for that.
*
[engine starts]
[Blue Mountain's "Blue Canoe"]
*
- * Well I was ridin' 'round the county *
* Drinkin' from a jar
* Big blue canoe up on top of my car *
* Hop in, darlin', don't be a stranger *
* Sit back in relax, you ain't in no danger *
*
* Hattiesburg spells trouble to me *
* I'd rather stay out here than run to the tree *
* There's a wind on the lake, the stars in the sky *
* What else do you need to make you feel high *
* I wanna ride with you
*
* In my blue canoe
*
* Baby, let's go riding in
* Skipping and sliding
* In my blue canoe
*
* Oh, honey, you bring the ice chest *
* And I'll get the bait
* Meet me at the lake and don't be late *
* All this hanging 'round is dragging me down *
* I gotta get behind the wheel and get the hell out of town *
* Too many people, too many cars *
* Too many nights, and too many bars *
* My noggin's getting soggy, spirit's a-saggin' *
* Time to take a ride in my blue water wagon *
* I want to ride with you
*
* In my blue canoe
* Baby, let's go riding in
* Slipping and sliding
* In my blue canoe
*
* In my blue canoe
* Whoo
* In my blue canoe
[soft guitar music]
*