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1
00:01:35,780 --> 00:01:38,315
Hey, Dee.
Did you find them?
2
00:01:39,951 --> 00:01:40,952
Yeah.
3
00:01:41,919 --> 00:01:42,920
Yeah, I got them right here.
4
00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:49,727
You coming to the show tonight?
5
00:01:50,962 --> 00:01:52,663
I don't know.
6
00:01:53,630 --> 00:01:54,697
Probably not.
7
00:01:54,699 --> 00:01:55,865
You love the comedy nights.
8
00:01:58,102 --> 00:02:00,002
- It's supposed to snow.
- They said maybe tomorrow.
9
00:02:00,004 --> 00:02:02,071
- Yeah, I know.
- So you should come.
10
00:02:02,073 --> 00:02:03,538
I know.
11
00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:04,776
Oh, hey, I gotcha something.
12
00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:10,614
- Thanks.
- I was at a bookstore in Duluth a couple weeks ago.
13
00:02:11,581 --> 00:02:15,552
- Do you have that one?
- No, and I have a few.
14
00:02:16,687 --> 00:02:18,788
- Thanks, Ruthie.
- No problem.
15
00:02:18,790 --> 00:02:19,857
It was like 50 cents.
16
00:02:23,027 --> 00:02:24,061
Oh, oh.
17
00:02:25,263 --> 00:02:28,496
- Hey.
- Hey. Have you left work yet?
18
00:02:28,498 --> 00:02:30,733
No, uh, about another
half hour or so.
19
00:02:30,735 --> 00:02:32,367
Oh, good,
glad I caught you.
20
00:02:32,369 --> 00:02:33,501
Uh, you think you could stop
21
00:02:33,503 --> 00:02:34,538
by Tom's on the way home?
22
00:02:35,706 --> 00:02:36,872
I checked this morning
and you're way past
23
00:02:36,874 --> 00:02:37,875
due on the oil.
24
00:02:38,776 --> 00:02:39,844
Yeah, I could do that.
25
00:02:40,945 --> 00:02:42,510
Oh, good.
Uh, better today than tomorrow.
26
00:02:42,512 --> 00:02:43,781
It's supposed to snow, you know.
27
00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:45,948
Yeah, I know, I know.
28
00:02:45,950 --> 00:02:48,019
So, uh, does this mean I
still have to pick up the girls?
29
00:02:48,719 --> 00:02:50,054
Yeah, yeah,
if you don't mind.
30
00:02:51,621 --> 00:02:52,824
No, I don't mind.
31
00:02:53,423 --> 00:02:54,990
Okay,
I'll see you at home.
32
00:02:54,992 --> 00:02:55,893
Love you.
33
00:02:56,861 --> 00:02:57,829
Love you.
34
00:03:00,798 --> 00:03:01,699
Hey.
35
00:03:02,465 --> 00:03:03,668
Should I get a tattoo?
36
00:03:04,467 --> 00:03:05,435
I want to get a tattoo.
37
00:03:05,870 --> 00:03:07,672
- What's stopping you?
- My mom.
38
00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:09,339
Your mom?
39
00:03:10,574 --> 00:03:13,108
Ruthie, you're 23-years-old.
40
00:03:13,110 --> 00:03:14,576
Twenty two.
41
00:03:14,578 --> 00:03:16,078
Her house, her rules.
42
00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:17,645
Then get it somewhere
where she can't see it.
43
00:03:17,647 --> 00:03:19,114
Like where,
like between my toes?
44
00:03:19,116 --> 00:03:20,716
No, like in your vagina.
45
00:03:20,718 --> 00:03:22,019
And I don't mean like around it,
46
00:03:23,054 --> 00:03:25,656
I mean like... inside it.
47
00:03:26,123 --> 00:03:28,123
- Like get in there.
- Like...
48
00:03:28,125 --> 00:03:29,624
...that sounds really painful.
49
00:03:29,626 --> 00:03:31,026
No, it's not painful
at all up there.
50
00:03:31,028 --> 00:03:32,862
Have you gotten a tattoo
inside your vagina?
51
00:03:32,864 --> 00:03:35,630
Yes, I have. I've got
like the constellations.
52
00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:37,599
You know, it's sort of like
an observatory up there.
53
00:03:37,601 --> 00:03:39,902
Like the Milky Way, Big Dipper.
54
00:03:39,904 --> 00:03:42,204
Wait, so what,
what should mine be then?
55
00:03:42,206 --> 00:03:44,073
You should get like
a groundhog up there.
56
00:03:44,075 --> 00:03:45,542
- I like that.
- Yeah.
57
00:03:45,977 --> 00:03:47,776
That way, you know, you'll know,
58
00:03:47,778 --> 00:03:48,944
- it's spring.
- It's spring.
59
00:03:48,946 --> 00:03:50,447
Fuck this!
60
00:03:50,915 --> 00:03:53,084
Cold as fuck.
61
00:03:58,189 --> 00:04:00,523
Hi. Sorry.
62
00:04:01,625 --> 00:04:02,559
Cold outside.
63
00:04:03,794 --> 00:04:07,031
- Checking in?
- Yeah. Uh, Tim Fletcher for two nights.
64
00:04:07,631 --> 00:04:08,833
Oh, you're the comedian.
65
00:04:09,934 --> 00:04:11,836
- Yeah.
- Very edgy.
66
00:04:16,140 --> 00:04:19,810
- You think so?
- Yeah, you got a real Steve Gutenberg thing going on.
67
00:04:20,711 --> 00:04:21,611
Wow, you're old.
68
00:04:24,682 --> 00:04:28,483
Okay. You're going to be in
room 109. That's on the first floor.
69
00:04:28,485 --> 00:04:31,689
- Oh, you guys have the ones on the first floor.
- Yes, sir!
70
00:04:32,489 --> 00:04:33,822
Can we help you
with anything else?
71
00:04:33,824 --> 00:04:35,590
Um, actually,
if there's a liquor store
72
00:04:35,592 --> 00:04:37,793
that would be helpful,
and maybe fast food.
73
00:04:37,795 --> 00:04:40,029
But not like those
local kitschy kind,
74
00:04:40,031 --> 00:04:42,064
like from Food Network.
75
00:04:42,066 --> 00:04:44,934
Maybe some chains with
poison to fuel my body.
76
00:04:44,936 --> 00:04:45,935
Okay.
77
00:04:45,937 --> 00:04:47,202
Well, there's the, um,
78
00:04:47,204 --> 00:04:49,171
Chocolate Mousse
on Third Avenue.
79
00:04:49,173 --> 00:04:51,641
Their Big Moose Combo
will change your life.
80
00:04:52,076 --> 00:04:53,709
Or if you're in the mood
for some breakfast,
81
00:04:53,711 --> 00:04:55,277
the Angler's Hungry Man,
that'll do you right.
82
00:04:55,279 --> 00:04:57,512
And then
if you want liquor you can go
83
00:04:57,514 --> 00:04:59,148
to Bootlegger's, that's on
Second Avenue which is...
84
00:04:59,150 --> 00:05:00,215
Do you have GPS?
85
00:05:00,217 --> 00:05:02,117
No, I'm a caveman.
86
00:05:02,119 --> 00:05:04,253
I was recently unfrozen, so.
87
00:05:04,255 --> 00:05:07,022
Oh, wow, then
you're older than I am.
88
00:05:07,024 --> 00:05:08,092
Do you know Pauly Shore?
89
00:05:08,726 --> 00:05:09,658
He wishes.
90
00:05:09,660 --> 00:05:10,828
These should work.
91
00:05:13,831 --> 00:05:14,799
Thank you.
92
00:05:15,166 --> 00:05:16,566
Have a nice day.
93
00:05:17,001 --> 00:05:18,035
Don't tell me what to do.
94
00:05:20,004 --> 00:05:22,805
You know, they say once
you visit International Falls,
95
00:05:22,807 --> 00:05:23,939
it's hard to leave.
96
00:05:23,941 --> 00:05:25,107
Well, they said the same thing
97
00:05:25,109 --> 00:05:27,309
about Siberia under Stalin, so.
98
00:05:27,311 --> 00:05:28,713
We'll see.
99
00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:31,182
He seems like a dick.
100
00:05:32,582 --> 00:05:34,950
Yeah, most of them are.
101
00:05:34,952 --> 00:05:35,920
Have you heard of him?
102
00:05:36,654 --> 00:05:37,688
No.
103
00:05:38,723 --> 00:05:40,122
We don't get the kind of
people you've heard of.
104
00:06:14,959 --> 00:06:16,859
I can't do it.
Hold on, hold on one second.
105
00:06:16,861 --> 00:06:17,862
I'm, I'm...
106
00:06:19,063 --> 00:06:21,966
But I'm hungry and I don't want
to eat chicken nuggets.
107
00:06:25,169 --> 00:06:27,102
Hey, it's me.
108
00:06:27,104 --> 00:06:28,939
I am checking in.
109
00:06:29,740 --> 00:06:30,741
Give me a call.
110
00:06:32,043 --> 00:06:34,143
Okay, okay, okay.
111
00:06:52,763 --> 00:06:53,964
Oh, cold out there, isn't it?
112
00:06:55,166 --> 00:06:56,298
- Hello.
- Some people don't like to go out in the cold.
113
00:06:56,300 --> 00:06:57,933
I don't mind it, I can...
114
00:06:57,935 --> 00:07:00,204
Sometimes I just sit out
there and drink a pop.
115
00:07:00,838 --> 00:07:04,641
- I see.
- We stay, ah, open, ah, during the week really late.
116
00:07:05,276 --> 00:07:07,311
So if you need to
come back here, you know.
117
00:07:08,112 --> 00:07:12,014
You smoke? We got some, um,
cigarette stuffs up here, uh,
118
00:07:12,016 --> 00:07:13,851
if you do. I, I stopped...
119
00:07:14,718 --> 00:07:17,052
smoking. They say
it can give you cancer.
120
00:07:17,054 --> 00:07:18,055
I don't want that again.
121
00:07:20,157 --> 00:07:22,860
I think I'm just going
to go with, um, the vodka.
122
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,595
- Oh, okay.
- Uh, any special kind?
123
00:07:26,163 --> 00:07:27,830
I think vodka's vodka.
124
00:07:27,832 --> 00:07:29,698
Well, it's not,
but I'll give you
125
00:07:29,700 --> 00:07:30,935
one of my favorites, okay?
126
00:07:32,303 --> 00:07:34,937
Ah. Ah.
127
00:07:34,939 --> 00:07:36,405
Hmm, love this stuff.
128
00:07:36,407 --> 00:07:37,739
Anything else?
129
00:07:37,741 --> 00:07:40,008
Maybe, uh, a really good scotch.
130
00:07:40,010 --> 00:07:42,111
Oh, yes, there is, sir.
131
00:07:44,115 --> 00:07:47,850
Not cheap, but this is
the good stuff right here.
132
00:07:47,852 --> 00:07:49,954
- Only the best.
- Yeah. Anything else?
133
00:07:52,189 --> 00:07:54,058
You know what?
Can I have this guy too?
134
00:07:54,425 --> 00:07:56,358
Aw.
135
00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:59,196
Somebody has a soft spot,
huh?
136
00:07:59,830 --> 00:08:02,798
So, uh, you, uh,
from around here?
137
00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:04,135
No, just passing through.
138
00:08:04,702 --> 00:08:06,804
Yeah, what, uh,
business are you in?
139
00:08:07,338 --> 00:08:08,405
I'm in plastics.
140
00:08:10,407 --> 00:08:11,740
I'm joking.
141
00:08:11,742 --> 00:08:13,110
- Oh.
- I'm a comedian.
142
00:08:13,711 --> 00:08:15,410
Oh.
143
00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:17,946
I'm doing a couple shows, uh,
tonight and tomorrow night.
144
00:08:17,948 --> 00:08:19,316
- Oh, at the hotel.
- Yeah.
145
00:08:19,884 --> 00:08:21,316
You know, my husband and I,
146
00:08:21,318 --> 00:08:24,019
we have been meaning
to go to one of those.
147
00:08:24,021 --> 00:08:25,890
I wouldn't bother.
I'm not very good.
148
00:08:29,393 --> 00:08:31,162
No, I, I, I'm really
not very good.
149
00:08:33,364 --> 00:08:36,100
Okay, okay. All right, uh.
150
00:08:37,368 --> 00:08:39,103
So, uh, well.
151
00:08:40,237 --> 00:08:41,305
I wish you a lot of luck.
152
00:08:43,140 --> 00:08:44,473
You know what they say.
153
00:08:44,475 --> 00:08:46,041
Once you visit
International Falls...
154
00:08:46,043 --> 00:08:47,409
You don't want to leave.
155
00:08:47,411 --> 00:08:49,811
Yes! You,
156
00:08:49,813 --> 00:08:50,946
you know.
157
00:08:50,948 --> 00:08:52,449
Well, just you watch me.
158
00:08:59,156 --> 00:09:01,423
Hey!
159
00:09:01,425 --> 00:09:02,925
- Dad!
- Daddy!
160
00:09:02,927 --> 00:09:04,459
Hey, there's my girls.
161
00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:05,894
Hey.
162
00:09:05,896 --> 00:09:07,329
- Hey, there, beautiful.
- Hey.
163
00:09:07,331 --> 00:09:08,330
How was school today?
164
00:09:08,332 --> 00:09:10,132
- Good.
- Boring.
165
00:09:10,134 --> 00:09:11,802
Okay, get in there,
finish your food.
166
00:09:13,204 --> 00:09:15,504
Hey, thanks a lot for
taking care of the car today.
167
00:09:15,506 --> 00:09:18,106
Boy, I didn't know when I was
going to get around to that.
168
00:09:18,108 --> 00:09:20,175
- Yeah.
- Yeah, oh, boy, look at this.
169
00:09:20,177 --> 00:09:21,378
This is yummy, huh?
170
00:09:24,815 --> 00:09:28,317
That's why sometimes
you need a push to take the plunge.
171
00:09:28,319 --> 00:09:31,053
Well, it sounds
like you didn't give him a chance.
172
00:09:31,055 --> 00:09:32,856
This is so not my type.
173
00:09:34,058 --> 00:09:35,159
Got to give it to you.
174
00:09:35,859 --> 00:09:37,161
I know exactly what you mean.
175
00:09:40,798 --> 00:09:42,099
- Oh!
- Fuck you.
176
00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:46,068
A one, a two, a one,
two, three, four!
177
00:09:46,070 --> 00:09:50,973
♪ I want to stay inside and go
Sledding down my stairs ♪
178
00:09:50,975 --> 00:09:52,176
Guitar solo!
179
00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:58,146
Mama!
180
00:09:58,148 --> 00:09:59,481
Mama, get in here,
I need some help.
181
00:09:59,483 --> 00:10:01,018
We need some backup singers.
182
00:10:01,852 --> 00:10:02,753
Mommy, you okay?
183
00:10:03,354 --> 00:10:06,288
Yeah, yeah. Um,
184
00:10:06,290 --> 00:10:08,156
uh, would you mind
if I went back and, and watched
185
00:10:08,158 --> 00:10:09,258
the comedy show tonight?
186
00:10:09,260 --> 00:10:10,859
I could use a laugh.
187
00:10:10,861 --> 00:10:11,762
Oh.
188
00:10:12,296 --> 00:10:13,197
Yeah, sure.
189
00:10:15,466 --> 00:10:18,302
Where were you when I was
getting the oil changed?
190
00:10:19,403 --> 00:10:20,304
Work.
191
00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:22,773
I was at work.
192
00:10:29,580 --> 00:10:30,846
I'm going to go get ready.
193
00:10:32,616 --> 00:10:34,051
Oh, my God.
194
00:10:34,418 --> 00:10:36,053
Oh, my God, oh.
195
00:10:51,902 --> 00:10:52,803
Okay.
196
00:10:55,105 --> 00:10:56,307
No, hey, hey.
197
00:10:58,242 --> 00:10:59,176
Yeah, that Siberia,
198
00:10:59,643 --> 00:11:01,378
Siberia joke was not funny.
199
00:11:07,084 --> 00:11:09,351
Aw, look at all those
enthusiastic faces out there.
200
00:11:09,353 --> 00:11:10,952
- Everybody got your drinks?
- Fuck it.
201
00:11:10,954 --> 00:11:12,387
- Great.
- Fuck it.
202
00:11:12,389 --> 00:11:13,955
All right, it's time to welcome
203
00:11:13,957 --> 00:11:15,924
our headliner to the stage.
204
00:11:15,926 --> 00:11:18,894
This guy's been doing
standup for a long time.
205
00:11:18,896 --> 00:11:22,364
You've seen him on HBO,
Comedy Central, and many more.
206
00:11:22,366 --> 00:11:26,201
Please, make a lot of noise
for Mr. Tim Fletcher.
207
00:11:28,372 --> 00:11:30,040
- Thanks, man.
- Go kill it.
208
00:11:30,941 --> 00:11:35,312
What's up! Oh, oh, stop it,
stop it. It's too much.
209
00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:37,614
It's too much,
I mean it, I mean it.
210
00:11:38,248 --> 00:11:41,550
Uh, keep it going.
Keep it going for your opener, uh, Taylor.
211
00:11:43,921 --> 00:11:45,954
Oh, it's Trevor, Trevor.
212
00:11:45,956 --> 00:11:48,090
Sorry, these kids
with their names.
213
00:11:48,092 --> 00:11:50,058
It's like they all have
different names now.
214
00:11:50,060 --> 00:11:51,694
Uh, yeah, I'm looking
around the room,
215
00:11:51,696 --> 00:11:53,495
I see some familiar faces.
216
00:11:53,497 --> 00:11:54,465
Hello and welcome.
217
00:11:55,700 --> 00:12:00,703
Um, it's very nice to be here
in International Falls. Um.
218
00:12:00,705 --> 00:12:06,274
I love to get away from the rat
race of Duluth, you know?
219
00:12:06,276 --> 00:12:08,076
Duluth is the future.
220
00:12:08,078 --> 00:12:11,213
I mean, they just got landlines.
221
00:12:11,215 --> 00:12:14,151
So, good for Duluth,
good for Duluth. Um.
222
00:12:15,018 --> 00:12:16,451
Who here is married?
223
00:12:16,453 --> 00:12:18,188
I'm married.
Go ahead, get them up.
224
00:12:18,555 --> 00:12:20,188
Get them up, no shame there.
225
00:12:20,190 --> 00:12:21,490
Yeah, this guy's married?
226
00:12:21,492 --> 00:12:22,725
Okay, I find
that hard to believe.
227
00:12:22,727 --> 00:12:25,093
You look like a murderer. Um.
228
00:12:25,095 --> 00:12:27,931
But, uh, I like being married,
I really do. Um.
229
00:12:28,499 --> 00:12:30,432
But being married
changes things.
230
00:12:30,434 --> 00:12:33,937
It, uh, for me it changed,
uh, guys' night.
231
00:12:34,304 --> 00:12:39,274
I liked hearing about their
sexual conquests, you know?
232
00:12:39,276 --> 00:12:42,179
I was like Cookie Monster.
I was just like.
233
00:12:43,748 --> 00:12:45,916
Tell me more, you know,
I want all that shit.
234
00:12:46,450 --> 00:12:49,985
Now, invariably,
someone does this to me.
235
00:12:49,987 --> 00:12:56,291
Someone, someone says, "You know, Tim,
I was, uh, I was having sex last night.
236
00:12:56,293 --> 00:12:59,628
I was having a lot of
strange sex last night,
237
00:12:59,630 --> 00:13:01,363
and it was great, it was great.
238
00:13:01,365 --> 00:13:04,332
She was a model,
probably never see her again.
239
00:13:04,334 --> 00:13:07,705
Totally hot, totally great body.
240
00:13:09,072 --> 00:13:10,340
But Tim, you're so lucky.
241
00:13:11,542 --> 00:13:12,609
You're so lucky."
242
00:13:13,277 --> 00:13:15,612
And I'm like, "What?
243
00:13:16,714 --> 00:13:18,248
I mean, how, how am I lucky?"
244
00:13:19,349 --> 00:13:22,617
"Because you're married
and that's beautiful."
245
00:13:22,619 --> 00:13:25,755
And I'm like, "Dude,
don't do this.
246
00:13:25,757 --> 00:13:27,289
Not on guys' night.
247
00:13:27,291 --> 00:13:29,491
Don't you ruin
guys' night for me.
248
00:13:29,493 --> 00:13:31,694
Now's not the time
to be telling me
249
00:13:31,696 --> 00:13:34,797
how much you admire
my commitment to my wife.
250
00:13:34,799 --> 00:13:38,734
Tomorrow when you find out
that it burns when you pee.
251
00:13:38,736 --> 00:13:42,304
Yeah, then you can tell me
how swell my marriage is,
252
00:13:42,306 --> 00:13:44,174
but not tonight, not tonight."
253
00:13:48,312 --> 00:13:49,213
Hey.
254
00:13:50,214 --> 00:13:51,114
Hello.
255
00:13:52,149 --> 00:13:53,317
You were funny tonight.
256
00:13:54,318 --> 00:13:56,086
Oh, thank you.
257
00:13:58,322 --> 00:13:59,623
Mm-hmm.
258
00:14:07,732 --> 00:14:08,700
Keep going.
259
00:14:14,706 --> 00:14:17,140
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop,
stop, stop, stop, stop.
260
00:14:29,286 --> 00:14:30,320
Thank you so much.
261
00:14:31,255 --> 00:14:33,056
Yeah. Yeah.
262
00:14:34,859 --> 00:14:36,460
Yeah.
263
00:14:36,861 --> 00:14:38,360
Can I get you a towel?
264
00:14:38,362 --> 00:14:40,295
Uh, no, no, I can
just use the sheet.
265
00:14:40,297 --> 00:14:41,231
It's okay.
266
00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:45,703
Well, thank you,
that was really nice.
267
00:14:46,570 --> 00:14:47,504
It was really great.
268
00:14:52,142 --> 00:14:53,608
What?
269
00:14:53,610 --> 00:14:54,511
The, uh.
270
00:14:55,512 --> 00:14:58,448
- It was great.
- Oh, uh, yeah, well, you know.
271
00:14:59,449 --> 00:15:00,450
It's not rocket science.
272
00:15:01,618 --> 00:15:03,151
- It is if you think about it.
- Yeah, I try not to think
273
00:15:03,153 --> 00:15:04,553
about that, so.
274
00:15:04,555 --> 00:15:06,323
Yeah, I guess it is
a little bit gross.
275
00:15:07,357 --> 00:15:08,325
Uh...
276
00:15:08,893 --> 00:15:10,127
yeah.
277
00:15:14,264 --> 00:15:15,332
Uh, do you want a drink?
278
00:15:18,903 --> 00:15:20,803
- Do you want a drink?
- Uh, no.
279
00:15:20,805 --> 00:15:21,839
No, sorry.
280
00:15:22,539 --> 00:15:23,675
Uh, I have to go.
281
00:15:25,509 --> 00:15:26,410
Oh.
282
00:15:27,144 --> 00:15:29,210
Uh, okay.
283
00:15:29,212 --> 00:15:31,114
Um, do you think
you're okay to drive?
284
00:15:31,615 --> 00:15:34,184
Uh, yeah, yes, uh.
285
00:15:35,252 --> 00:15:36,253
Yeah, I'm not drunk.
286
00:15:36,854 --> 00:15:38,587
You seemed kind of drunk before.
287
00:15:38,589 --> 00:15:40,591
Yes, I know. I was pretending.
288
00:15:43,795 --> 00:15:45,697
It's so.
289
00:15:47,497 --> 00:15:49,399
Why did I do that?
Why did I act drunk?
290
00:15:50,500 --> 00:15:51,501
Because it works?
291
00:15:57,341 --> 00:15:58,241
Okay.
292
00:16:24,501 --> 00:16:25,968
Please
leave your message.
293
00:16:25,970 --> 00:16:27,537
Hey, it's me.
294
00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:29,674
I was just hoping
to talk to him.
295
00:16:30,407 --> 00:16:32,142
Uh, can you guys give me
a call, please?
296
00:17:02,472 --> 00:17:03,706
Hey, babe.
How was the show?
297
00:17:03,708 --> 00:17:04,907
Hey, uh, Ruthie got sick
298
00:17:04,909 --> 00:17:07,477
and, uh, needs me
to cover for her.
299
00:17:08,245 --> 00:17:10,245
- All night?
- Uh, yeah, afraid so.
300
00:17:10,247 --> 00:17:11,415
Oh, that stinks.
301
00:17:12,582 --> 00:17:13,548
You need me to bring you
a change of clothes?
302
00:17:13,550 --> 00:17:15,483
Uh, no, it's okay,
I got stuff at the hotel.
303
00:17:15,485 --> 00:17:17,387
Have a good night. Love you!
304
00:17:33,905 --> 00:17:35,372
I do want that drink.
305
00:17:36,573 --> 00:17:37,909
- Okay.
- And that is all.
306
00:17:38,542 --> 00:17:39,742
Okay.
307
00:17:39,744 --> 00:17:40,878
I'm not going to fuck you.
308
00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:44,947
- Cool.
- And no more hand stuff either.
309
00:17:44,949 --> 00:17:46,347
That was horrible.
310
00:17:46,349 --> 00:17:47,852
I agree, that was horrible.
311
00:17:50,054 --> 00:17:51,486
Do you still want me to come in?
312
00:17:51,488 --> 00:17:52,690
More than ever.
313
00:17:55,827 --> 00:17:56,928
Okay.
314
00:18:02,900 --> 00:18:06,301
I have, uh, vodka or vodka.
315
00:18:06,303 --> 00:18:07,404
Or some scotch.
316
00:18:08,371 --> 00:18:10,240
Uh, vodka, please.
317
00:18:10,675 --> 00:18:11,508
Okay.
318
00:18:13,343 --> 00:18:16,679
So, um, I take it
you're from around here.
319
00:18:16,681 --> 00:18:20,283
Uh, yeah,
but I, I wasn't raised here.
320
00:18:20,785 --> 00:18:21,652
Oh, okay.
321
00:18:22,653 --> 00:18:23,821
And, um...
322
00:18:26,389 --> 00:18:28,525
what, what is your name?
323
00:18:32,997 --> 00:18:34,395
Are you serious?
324
00:18:34,397 --> 00:18:35,931
I don't think we said our names.
325
00:18:35,933 --> 00:18:37,902
We totally said our names.
326
00:18:41,005 --> 00:18:42,006
- What was it?
- We to...
327
00:18:43,507 --> 00:18:44,639
Dee.
328
00:18:44,641 --> 00:18:45,908
- Dee.
- Yeah.
329
00:18:45,910 --> 00:18:46,944
Short for?
330
00:18:47,544 --> 00:18:49,577
Nothing,
just unimaginative parents.
331
00:18:49,579 --> 00:18:51,682
Oh. Well, I'm Tim.
332
00:18:52,582 --> 00:18:53,816
Short for Timothy.
333
00:18:53,818 --> 00:18:54,984
- Yes.
- Yes.
334
00:18:54,986 --> 00:18:57,487
I had very imaginative parents.
335
00:18:57,889 --> 00:19:00,522
Well, why aren't you drinking?
336
00:19:00,524 --> 00:19:02,524
Ah, just not much of a drinker.
337
00:19:02,526 --> 00:19:03,928
Yeah, clearly.
338
00:19:04,662 --> 00:19:05,562
Oh.
339
00:19:06,798 --> 00:19:09,767
I like to be prepared to drink,
340
00:19:10,567 --> 00:19:12,502
just in case a party breaks out.
341
00:19:13,905 --> 00:19:15,472
So, was that a lie in your act?
342
00:19:16,406 --> 00:19:18,674
I like to drink.
In fact, I love to drink
343
00:19:18,676 --> 00:19:20,778
'cause I'm good at drinking.
344
00:19:21,145 --> 00:19:25,783
But drinking for me is not
a sophisticated activity.
345
00:19:26,416 --> 00:19:28,385
You know those people
that have, like, a sip.
346
00:19:35,592 --> 00:19:39,496
Oh, oh, oh.
347
00:19:39,931 --> 00:19:44,133
And they use words
like oaky or bouquet.
348
00:19:44,135 --> 00:19:47,404
Those people,
they make me want to...
349
00:19:48,773 --> 00:19:50,806
Well, they make me want to drink.
350
00:19:50,808 --> 00:19:53,510
They make me want to drink.
In fact, I have to drink
351
00:19:53,911 --> 00:19:55,512
if I hang out with those people.
352
00:19:55,980 --> 00:19:58,646
Okay, so, when a comedian says,
353
00:19:58,648 --> 00:20:00,749
"I went to the DMV yesterday."
354
00:20:00,751 --> 00:20:03,085
Yeah, that's, that's bullshit.
355
00:20:03,087 --> 00:20:05,154
I mean, he may have gone
to the DMV at some point,
356
00:20:05,156 --> 00:20:07,457
but definitely wasn't yesterday.
357
00:20:07,859 --> 00:20:09,459
Then why say yesterday?
358
00:20:09,827 --> 00:20:11,160
I don't know, I guess
it's funnier than saying,
359
00:20:11,162 --> 00:20:13,028
"I went to the DMV last year."
360
00:20:13,030 --> 00:20:14,830
Yeah, well, I think
it would be more funny.
361
00:20:14,832 --> 00:20:16,765
Then you're making fun
of the structure of the joke,
362
00:20:16,767 --> 00:20:19,434
in which case
you'd be an alt comic,
363
00:20:19,436 --> 00:20:21,636
but what happened
in the DMV has nothing
364
00:20:21,638 --> 00:20:22,671
to do with the punchline.
365
00:20:22,673 --> 00:20:23,774
So then why tell the joke?
366
00:20:24,775 --> 00:20:25,910
That's a good question.
367
00:20:26,576 --> 00:20:27,477
So.
368
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:32,917
So was everything
in your act a lie?
369
00:20:33,516 --> 00:20:34,417
No.
370
00:20:36,087 --> 00:20:37,552
So you're married.
371
00:20:37,554 --> 00:20:38,888
Yeah, technically.
372
00:20:38,890 --> 00:20:39,991
I'm separated.
373
00:20:41,125 --> 00:20:44,128
Divorce papers
being drafted as we speak.
374
00:20:45,162 --> 00:20:46,063
I'm sorry.
375
00:20:47,464 --> 00:20:48,132
Yeah.
376
00:20:48,866 --> 00:20:50,134
And you're married.
377
00:20:50,935 --> 00:20:51,836
Yes.
378
00:20:53,804 --> 00:20:54,939
Two daughters.
379
00:21:01,478 --> 00:21:03,679
- Well, that's out of the way.
- Yeah, yeah.
380
00:21:03,681 --> 00:21:05,047
Yeah. Thought that
would be awkward.
381
00:21:05,049 --> 00:21:07,082
No, no.
382
00:21:07,084 --> 00:21:08,618
No, it's not awkward. That's...
383
00:21:09,854 --> 00:21:11,153
that's why
I'm having so much fun.
384
00:21:11,155 --> 00:21:13,556
- Yeah, right?
- Yes.
385
00:21:16,526 --> 00:21:17,695
Do you have any drugs?
386
00:21:19,864 --> 00:21:20,765
Um.
387
00:21:22,066 --> 00:21:23,265
I have Xanax.
388
00:21:23,267 --> 00:21:24,601
Oh, do you have anxiety issues?
389
00:21:25,036 --> 00:21:26,704
I mean, not diagnosed.
390
00:21:28,272 --> 00:21:30,906
These are actually my wife's. I steal
them from her when I pick up my son,
391
00:21:30,908 --> 00:21:33,175
little by little.
Put them in my men's
392
00:21:33,177 --> 00:21:35,578
multivitamin with
testosterone booster.
393
00:21:36,013 --> 00:21:37,214
- Sneaky.
- Yeah.
394
00:21:37,949 --> 00:21:39,850
- Can I have half of one?
- Tell you what.
395
00:21:40,751 --> 00:21:44,753
I'll give you a whole one
and you can portion it out
396
00:21:44,755 --> 00:21:46,223
however you see fit.
397
00:21:46,924 --> 00:21:47,825
Thank you.
398
00:21:52,296 --> 00:21:53,798
My husband's cheating on me.
399
00:21:55,666 --> 00:21:56,566
Oh.
400
00:21:58,102 --> 00:21:59,902
Well, then he sounds
like a real asshole.
401
00:21:59,904 --> 00:22:01,939
Yeah,
I'm one to talk.
402
00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:04,807
Does he know that you know?
403
00:22:04,809 --> 00:22:07,610
Nope, it's just been
business as usual.
404
00:22:08,913 --> 00:22:10,079
For how long?
405
00:22:10,081 --> 00:22:11,814
- Almost a year.
- Really?
406
00:22:11,816 --> 00:22:13,682
Yeah, I've been watching it
continue to happen
407
00:22:13,684 --> 00:22:14,885
like a television show.
408
00:22:17,421 --> 00:22:18,856
I thought I was good
at nurturing misery.
409
00:22:19,790 --> 00:22:20,825
How'd you find out?
410
00:22:22,827 --> 00:22:26,128
He left an email open on the
family computer and I've been...
411
00:22:26,130 --> 00:22:28,897
- Okay.
- ...checking his account daily.
412
00:22:28,899 --> 00:22:31,166
No offense, but your husband
doesn't sound too bright.
413
00:22:31,168 --> 00:22:32,502
None taken.
414
00:22:36,606 --> 00:22:38,107
Um, I actually
have to take this.
415
00:22:38,109 --> 00:22:40,177
- Oh.
- That's okay, you stay right here.
416
00:22:41,112 --> 00:22:42,146
Okay.
417
00:22:43,147 --> 00:22:45,116
Hey, what the fuck?
I've been trying to get...
418
00:22:46,183 --> 00:22:47,818
Well, how about
a text message then?
419
00:22:49,220 --> 00:22:50,221
Well, for fuck's sake.
420
00:22:51,689 --> 00:22:52,757
I'm checking in.
421
00:22:54,992 --> 00:22:56,794
I don't know, um.
422
00:22:57,728 --> 00:22:59,096
I can overnight the checks.
423
00:23:00,197 --> 00:23:01,766
I said I'll overnight them.
424
00:23:02,733 --> 00:23:04,001
Is he asleep already?
425
00:23:07,038 --> 00:23:09,707
Oh, fuck. That was today?
426
00:23:10,941 --> 00:23:12,043
I missed it?
427
00:23:13,878 --> 00:23:17,014
No, I will, yeah, I got him
a little, like, stuffed moose.
428
00:23:18,115 --> 00:23:21,018
A moose from
Minnesota.
429
00:23:21,819 --> 00:23:22,753
No.
430
00:23:23,721 --> 00:23:25,555
No, don't wake him.
431
00:23:27,024 --> 00:23:28,259
What's he sleeping in?
432
00:23:29,693 --> 00:23:30,895
No, which pajamas.
433
00:23:33,097 --> 00:23:35,632
Aw, he loves those.
434
00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:37,802
Can you just tell him
that I called?
435
00:23:39,370 --> 00:23:40,603
All right, bye.
436
00:23:49,046 --> 00:23:50,014
So, which ones?
437
00:23:51,115 --> 00:23:52,316
What?
438
00:23:53,751 --> 00:23:54,652
Which pajamas?
439
00:23:56,220 --> 00:23:59,123
Oh, um, the dinosaurs.
440
00:24:01,859 --> 00:24:03,294
Because you're crazy
about dinosaurs.
441
00:24:14,405 --> 00:24:15,706
Will you do me a favor?
442
00:24:16,407 --> 00:24:17,708
Maybe.
443
00:24:18,175 --> 00:24:19,877
Can you stomp on my cellphone?
444
00:24:20,444 --> 00:24:21,644
What?
445
00:24:22,645 --> 00:24:24,346
Well, you're wearing
those sweet fucking boots
446
00:24:24,348 --> 00:24:26,215
and I don't really feel like
putting my shoes back on,
447
00:24:26,217 --> 00:24:28,819
and it would mean a lot to me
if you would stomp
448
00:24:29,753 --> 00:24:33,388
the fucking shit out of
this goddamn cellphone.
449
00:24:33,390 --> 00:24:34,925
Not happy with your plan?
450
00:24:36,260 --> 00:24:37,361
Something like that.
451
00:24:39,396 --> 00:24:41,832
- Oh, you're serious?
- Oh, I'm serious.
452
00:24:42,233 --> 00:24:43,334
I'll do it.
453
00:24:44,668 --> 00:24:46,902
- I want you to.
- I think you just want to see if I'll do it,
454
00:24:46,904 --> 00:24:50,674
but I'm, I'm telling you
I will, I will do it.
455
00:24:51,108 --> 00:24:52,774
Then quit talking
about it and fuck...
456
00:25:04,288 --> 00:25:06,288
I can't believe
you just fucking did that.
457
00:25:06,290 --> 00:25:07,723
Well.
458
00:25:07,725 --> 00:25:09,260
- That's my phone!
- I call bluffs!
459
00:25:10,728 --> 00:25:11,862
You're lucky I wasn't bluffing.
460
00:25:15,499 --> 00:25:16,700
Do you need to get that?
461
00:25:17,434 --> 00:25:18,669
Yeah.
462
00:25:19,470 --> 00:25:21,003
Should I...
463
00:25:21,005 --> 00:25:22,740
- Yeah, you probably should go.
- Oh.
464
00:25:23,207 --> 00:25:26,875
No, no, actually, just sit
right there, please.
465
00:25:26,877 --> 00:25:28,846
And for God sakes, pour
yourself a drink, would you?
466
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:30,781
Okay, yeah.
467
00:25:31,448 --> 00:25:32,349
Hey.
468
00:25:33,484 --> 00:25:35,119
Uh, no.
469
00:25:36,020 --> 00:25:37,454
Well, why'd you
call the front desk?
470
00:25:39,323 --> 00:25:42,324
No, well, she came back
because she was feeling better
471
00:25:42,326 --> 00:25:44,061
and she just came back
to finish her shift, so.
472
00:25:46,197 --> 00:25:48,766
No, I'm, I'm on my way home now.
473
00:25:49,900 --> 00:25:51,068
Yeah, okay.
474
00:25:52,203 --> 00:25:53,237
Okay, bye.
475
00:26:14,959 --> 00:26:17,328
Yeah, um, hey, ah.
476
00:26:18,329 --> 00:26:22,197
That was, um, that was,
that was a lie.
477
00:26:22,199 --> 00:26:27,438
I'm actually still here
and, um, I'm, I'm with a man
478
00:26:28,272 --> 00:26:31,540
and he's hilarious
and he's going to help me
479
00:26:31,542 --> 00:26:36,280
figure out a way to kill your
girlfriend, you fucking prick!
480
00:26:58,602 --> 00:27:00,871
Well, this bullshit
just got real.
481
00:27:04,241 --> 00:27:06,010
I tell you what
I like about Minnesota.
482
00:27:06,377 --> 00:27:10,078
I like all the layers of
clothing that you guys wear.
483
00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:14,485
I really do. Because, because you
know what I miss in this country?
484
00:27:15,586 --> 00:27:18,022
I miss shame.
485
00:27:18,455 --> 00:27:21,089
Just 'cause
they make it in your size
486
00:27:21,091 --> 00:27:23,560
does not mean that
you should wear it.
487
00:27:24,561 --> 00:27:30,868
Right? You know, I mean, if you got,
if you got cleavage on your back,
488
00:27:31,568 --> 00:27:32,936
you cover it up.
489
00:27:34,071 --> 00:27:40,210
If you got a nice butt on
your front, you cover it up.
490
00:27:40,611 --> 00:27:43,580
No, sir!
I don't want to look at that.
491
00:27:45,282 --> 00:27:47,184
So, why don't you
like alt comics?
492
00:27:47,584 --> 00:27:50,118
I never said I don't like
alt comics.
493
00:27:50,120 --> 00:27:51,953
- Oh, so you like them.
- No, I hate them.
494
00:27:51,955 --> 00:27:54,323
- Why?
- Why?
495
00:27:54,325 --> 00:27:56,925
- Yeah.
- Because they're younger than me
496
00:27:56,927 --> 00:27:59,561
- and they're cooler than me.
- That's not why. Tell me.
497
00:27:59,563 --> 00:28:01,930
Because the joke of
everyone and their jokes
498
00:28:01,932 --> 00:28:04,466
- is that they're telling a bad joke, right?
- Yeah.
499
00:28:04,468 --> 00:28:07,102
So, we're just laughing
at this dumb thing
500
00:28:07,104 --> 00:28:09,006
that we're experiencing
instead of like...
501
00:28:09,373 --> 00:28:10,372
Experiencing it?
502
00:28:10,374 --> 00:28:11,408
- Right.
- Ah.
503
00:28:12,576 --> 00:28:16,311
I mean, if we just keep making
fun of making fun of shit,
504
00:28:16,313 --> 00:28:18,582
instead of actually
making fun of shit,
505
00:28:19,216 --> 00:28:21,550
- what are we doing?
- I think we're observing things
506
00:28:21,552 --> 00:28:23,552
that are like,
right in front of our face,
507
00:28:23,554 --> 00:28:26,924
instead of just
what's actually happening.
508
00:28:27,424 --> 00:28:29,157
Uh, I don't know.
509
00:28:29,159 --> 00:28:31,326
You lost me.
Where's your waffle maker?
510
00:28:31,328 --> 00:28:33,597
Um, over there,
and the batter's underneath.
511
00:28:35,667 --> 00:28:39,203
Hey, do you know what,
um, CFNM is?
512
00:28:39,570 --> 00:28:42,437
CFNM? Uh.
Oh, is that like a porn thing?
513
00:28:42,439 --> 00:28:45,140
Yeah. But do you know
what it actually means?
514
00:28:45,142 --> 00:28:47,010
No, I've always been
too scared to click on it.
515
00:28:47,544 --> 00:28:50,414
What's the worst possible
thing it could mean?
516
00:28:52,116 --> 00:28:55,119
Crying Faces Noisy Masturbators.
517
00:28:55,519 --> 00:28:57,988
Okay. Um.
518
00:28:58,656 --> 00:29:01,158
Cunnilingus For Nicki Minaj.
519
00:29:02,126 --> 00:29:03,992
Creepy Filthy Nasty Maids.
520
00:29:03,994 --> 00:29:05,661
Crispy Fried Nut Manglers.
521
00:29:05,663 --> 00:29:07,195
Oh.
522
00:29:07,197 --> 00:29:09,665
Cowboys Forcing Nipple Milk in.
523
00:29:09,667 --> 00:29:12,735
Cunts Fart Menstruating Nuns.
524
00:29:12,737 --> 00:29:15,472
Ooh, you win.
525
00:29:16,974 --> 00:29:18,741
My husband's into it big time.
526
00:29:18,743 --> 00:29:20,375
- Really?
- Yep.
527
00:29:20,377 --> 00:29:22,077
But like, what does it
actually stand for?
528
00:29:22,079 --> 00:29:24,381
Clothed Female Naked Male.
529
00:29:25,015 --> 00:29:27,983
- Clothed Female Naked Male?
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.
530
00:29:27,985 --> 00:29:31,486
So just like, a naked dude
and a dressed chick?
531
00:29:31,488 --> 00:29:34,356
It's like a naked dude and
like several dressed chicks.
532
00:29:34,358 --> 00:29:37,426
But, you know, like, one of
them is going down on him while
533
00:29:37,428 --> 00:29:39,261
the other one's maybe
going to give him a handy.
534
00:29:39,263 --> 00:29:42,431
It's basically just, like,
a real slutty bachelorette party
535
00:29:42,433 --> 00:29:44,232
that's gone off the rails.
536
00:29:44,234 --> 00:29:46,501
All right, well, I don't want
to yuck anyone's yum,
537
00:29:46,503 --> 00:29:48,671
but that's his thing?
538
00:29:48,673 --> 00:29:49,973
Well, not with me.
539
00:29:50,340 --> 00:29:52,441
It's, it's just what
I consistently
540
00:29:52,443 --> 00:29:54,109
see in his search browser.
541
00:29:54,111 --> 00:29:56,180
- Oh, you got to clear that shit.
- I know, right?
542
00:29:57,181 --> 00:29:58,215
Excuse me, sir.
543
00:29:59,249 --> 00:30:01,483
Oh, hey, Ruthie. He's with me.
You remember Tim.
544
00:30:01,485 --> 00:30:03,520
Oh, yeah. Hi there.
545
00:30:05,122 --> 00:30:07,222
Don't say that.
She would be great.
546
00:30:07,224 --> 00:30:09,224
I'm not saying that
she wouldn't be great,
547
00:30:09,226 --> 00:30:11,560
I'm saying that she wouldn't
even want to do it.
548
00:30:11,562 --> 00:30:13,195
- Okay, so, why do you do it?
- Because,
549
00:30:13,197 --> 00:30:15,132
I can't do anything else.
I'm not capable.
550
00:30:15,632 --> 00:30:17,599
- Bullshit.
- What do you mean, bullshit?
551
00:30:17,601 --> 00:30:19,301
- Do you have a day job?
- No.
552
00:30:19,303 --> 00:30:21,737
You don't have to be mad at her,
553
00:30:21,739 --> 00:30:24,306
- it's a legitimate question.
- Okay, look.
554
00:30:24,308 --> 00:30:27,242
There's a lot of guys
like me that make a living,
555
00:30:27,244 --> 00:30:28,811
and just 'cause
you don't know our names...
556
00:30:28,813 --> 00:30:31,379
Well, how'd you get
on HBO or Comedy Central?
557
00:30:31,381 --> 00:30:33,281
- What?
- No, they said it in your intro.
558
00:30:33,283 --> 00:30:34,585
Yeah, that's a lie.
559
00:30:35,219 --> 00:30:37,252
- Really?
- You can do that?
560
00:30:37,254 --> 00:30:39,256
Lie? Yeah, you can lie.
561
00:30:39,691 --> 00:30:42,390
But I haven't had
a day job in six years
562
00:30:42,392 --> 00:30:44,794
and I make all my money
from being on the road.
563
00:30:44,796 --> 00:30:46,628
Oh, okay, well,
that's super cool.
564
00:30:46,630 --> 00:30:50,398
No, it's not. I mean, yeah,
maybe it's cool to someone
565
00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:51,801
who's interested in comedy
566
00:30:51,803 --> 00:30:54,603
who lives in International
Falls, Minnesota,
567
00:30:54,605 --> 00:30:56,273
but not really.
568
00:30:57,140 --> 00:30:59,207
Well, you don't got to be
a dick about it.
569
00:30:59,209 --> 00:31:00,542
I'm not trying to be a dick.
570
00:31:00,544 --> 00:31:03,512
Okay, do you want
the comedy boot camp?
571
00:31:03,514 --> 00:31:06,849
Here we go. I don't know shit
about getting in movies
572
00:31:06,851 --> 00:31:10,285
or getting on a sitcom or
getting my own Netflix special.
573
00:31:10,287 --> 00:31:12,621
But if you want
to get to my level,
574
00:31:12,623 --> 00:31:15,190
you just get nice and mediocre.
575
00:31:15,192 --> 00:31:17,559
Just go to a fuck
load of open mics,
576
00:31:17,561 --> 00:31:20,763
and then one day
some guy will come along,
577
00:31:20,765 --> 00:31:23,666
who has no real taste
or talent, but will see
578
00:31:23,668 --> 00:31:26,301
that he can make a little
bit of money off of you.
579
00:31:26,303 --> 00:31:29,337
But by that point, you'll be
so fucking hungry for any kind
580
00:31:29,339 --> 00:31:31,408
of approval, that you'll do
anything that he says.
581
00:31:32,442 --> 00:31:34,444
There. You're a comedian.
582
00:31:37,347 --> 00:31:40,148
Oh, shoot,
there's the phone.
583
00:31:40,150 --> 00:31:41,318
Excuse me.
584
00:31:47,457 --> 00:31:48,492
So, um.
585
00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:52,260
- How are you feeling?
- Well,
586
00:31:52,262 --> 00:31:55,765
I don't know if it's this
or that little blue pill
587
00:31:55,767 --> 00:32:01,138
or the combo, but I'm starting
to feel pretty sleepy.
588
00:32:01,773 --> 00:32:03,338
Me too.
589
00:32:03,340 --> 00:32:05,240
I'm not
going to fuck you.
590
00:32:05,242 --> 00:32:06,742
- I know.
- Mm-hmm.
591
00:32:06,744 --> 00:32:08,577
But you're not going
to drive home either.
592
00:32:08,579 --> 00:32:09,479
You're right.
593
00:32:10,180 --> 00:32:10,882
I know I'm right.
594
00:32:14,752 --> 00:32:16,721
So what do these tattoos mean?
595
00:32:19,590 --> 00:32:21,491
- I don't know.
- Yes, you do.
596
00:32:23,761 --> 00:32:25,128
I don't want to tell you.
597
00:32:26,898 --> 00:32:28,465
That's obnoxious.
598
00:32:29,333 --> 00:32:30,565
You're obnoxious.
599
00:32:30,567 --> 00:32:33,470
Well, tough shit.
600
00:32:35,305 --> 00:32:36,239
Hey.
601
00:32:37,775 --> 00:32:42,145
If I have to mail something,
can you mail stuff here?
602
00:32:44,916 --> 00:32:50,655
Are you asking if we can send
and receive U.S. mail here?
603
00:32:51,288 --> 00:32:53,789
- Yes, I am.
- In this, in this town?
604
00:32:53,791 --> 00:32:55,359
- That's what I'm asking.
- Mm-hmm.
605
00:32:57,829 --> 00:32:59,196
Yeah, we can do that.
606
00:32:59,897 --> 00:33:01,699
- Okay?
- Thank you.
607
00:33:04,568 --> 00:33:05,469
Hey.
608
00:33:08,572 --> 00:33:09,674
Don't rape me, okay?
609
00:33:10,875 --> 00:33:12,609
Don't rape me.
610
00:33:15,212 --> 00:33:15,913
I'm serious.
611
00:33:18,515 --> 00:33:21,485
I know, I just think it's so sad
that you have to say that.
612
00:33:23,988 --> 00:33:24,889
Go to sleep.
613
00:33:37,634 --> 00:33:40,468
Literally, the reason
I got into this line of work
614
00:33:40,470 --> 00:33:42,672
was to sleep late,
and now you've fucked that up.
615
00:33:42,674 --> 00:33:45,407
Well, I just thought it was
important to show you the fancy
616
00:33:45,409 --> 00:33:47,845
building that
you can mail stuff from.
617
00:33:48,813 --> 00:33:49,714
Ooh.
618
00:33:50,815 --> 00:33:52,182
Oh, this is nice.
619
00:33:53,283 --> 00:33:55,685
- Well, good morning, Dee.
- Good morning, Walt.
620
00:33:55,687 --> 00:33:59,354
- What can I do for you?
- Um, well, this is Tim, he's from out of town
621
00:33:59,356 --> 00:34:00,756
and he needs to mail a package,
622
00:34:00,758 --> 00:34:02,892
so I want to put it
on the hotel's tab,
623
00:34:02,894 --> 00:34:05,995
uh, seeing as how he's kind of,
kind of a VIP.
624
00:34:05,997 --> 00:34:09,297
Is that right? What a treat!
625
00:34:09,299 --> 00:34:11,936
Yeah, hmm, here's my very
important paycheck.
626
00:34:12,770 --> 00:34:14,369
Do you still want
to be a comedian?
627
00:34:14,371 --> 00:34:16,504
Hmm. More than ever.
628
00:34:16,506 --> 00:34:19,407
Okay. Could you mail that
to that address, please?
629
00:34:19,409 --> 00:34:22,379
- You got it.
- Oh, and uh, yeah, this too.
630
00:34:23,647 --> 00:34:25,515
And who's this little guy for.
631
00:34:26,349 --> 00:34:28,820
- Uh, it's for my son.
- Oh, that's great.
632
00:34:29,687 --> 00:34:30,955
What's your son's name?
633
00:34:35,727 --> 00:34:36,792
Okay, you don't
have to tell me...
634
00:34:36,794 --> 00:34:38,228
Sean, his name is Sean.
635
00:34:38,863 --> 00:34:39,897
How old is he?
636
00:34:40,932 --> 00:34:44,234
- He's eight.
- Oh, now, that's a fun age.
637
00:34:45,435 --> 00:34:49,471
It is a fun age. He actually has
just, kind of, really gotten into
638
00:34:49,473 --> 00:34:53,310
exploring down here, so just
constantly just cranking.
639
00:34:53,778 --> 00:34:56,246
Well, uh, we're all set, uh.
640
00:34:56,748 --> 00:34:59,849
They'll pick this up around
noon and, uh, off she goes.
641
00:34:59,851 --> 00:35:01,316
Thanks so much.
642
00:35:01,318 --> 00:35:02,417
Have a blessed day.
643
00:35:02,419 --> 00:35:03,553
Yes.
644
00:35:06,456 --> 00:35:07,892
No, it's still cold.
645
00:35:08,760 --> 00:35:09,959
Come on!
646
00:35:09,961 --> 00:35:11,727
- Yeah.
- All right, where to?
647
00:35:11,729 --> 00:35:14,395
- Uh, let's go on a walk.
- No, fuck you, it's too cold.
648
00:35:14,397 --> 00:35:16,699
Well, you know,
you're wearing a summer coat
649
00:35:16,701 --> 00:35:19,534
in the middle of the ice
box of the nation.
650
00:35:19,536 --> 00:35:20,905
This is my winter coat.
651
00:35:21,538 --> 00:35:22,772
You know what?
652
00:35:22,774 --> 00:35:23,808
- Hang on.
- No.
653
00:35:24,374 --> 00:35:25,475
No, don't leave me.
654
00:35:25,877 --> 00:35:26,911
No.
655
00:35:29,046 --> 00:35:30,347
Ah, my nipples.
656
00:35:32,717 --> 00:35:34,016
Okay, here, put this on.
657
00:35:34,018 --> 00:35:35,285
Oh, thank God,
I thought you died.
658
00:35:35,720 --> 00:35:37,086
They just gave that to you?
659
00:35:37,088 --> 00:35:38,954
No, there's basically
a cardboard box
660
00:35:38,956 --> 00:35:40,890
full of coats and stuff
in every building
661
00:35:40,892 --> 00:35:42,658
in International Falls.
662
00:35:42,660 --> 00:35:44,729
So this just belonged to,
like, a dead guy or, like, a
663
00:35:45,129 --> 00:35:48,032
- missing teenager or something?
- I don't know, could be.
664
00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:50,966
- Okay.
- Better?
665
00:35:50,968 --> 00:35:54,602
- Getting there, getting there.
- Okay, let's go.
666
00:35:54,604 --> 00:35:56,839
- But I'm worried about that missing teenager.
- Yeah.
667
00:35:56,841 --> 00:35:59,041
So, International Falls.
668
00:35:59,043 --> 00:36:00,608
Where's the falls?
669
00:36:00,610 --> 00:36:02,079
Oh, we don't have any falls.
670
00:36:03,047 --> 00:36:06,583
Yeah, this is like a beautiful
little Christmas village.
671
00:36:07,018 --> 00:36:08,686
- You think?
- No.
672
00:36:10,453 --> 00:36:12,087
What is that, a paper mill?
673
00:36:12,089 --> 00:36:14,723
Yeah. I mean, it stinks.
674
00:36:14,725 --> 00:36:18,595
It smells like one,
like, one giant fart city.
675
00:36:19,897 --> 00:36:22,432
Did they ever think about
changing the name to Fart City?
676
00:36:23,801 --> 00:36:26,469
You know what? I'm going to bring
that up at our next council meeting.
677
00:36:27,404 --> 00:36:28,572
You should.
678
00:36:29,707 --> 00:36:31,108
Oh, there it is,
there's the wind right there.
679
00:36:32,810 --> 00:36:34,009
Oh, that's nice.
680
00:36:34,011 --> 00:36:35,044
Oh, my dick fell off.
681
00:36:37,414 --> 00:36:38,646
Hi, how are you.
682
00:36:38,648 --> 00:36:41,183
Okay, go!
Go, you're doing great!
683
00:36:45,056 --> 00:36:46,991
No!
684
00:36:50,995 --> 00:36:52,928
Oh, did it pull
it off your head?
685
00:36:52,930 --> 00:36:55,097
Yeah, they should cut these
trees down. This is bullshit.
686
00:36:55,099 --> 00:36:57,835
Or you could duck. When was
the last time you washed your hair?
687
00:36:58,468 --> 00:37:01,471
So, that's Canada across
the river there.
688
00:37:02,639 --> 00:37:04,809
Gosh, that's beautiful.
689
00:37:11,514 --> 00:37:12,783
See?
690
00:37:13,784 --> 00:37:15,920
Oh, my God.
691
00:37:23,094 --> 00:37:25,830
Can we please go somewhere warm?
692
00:37:26,463 --> 00:37:27,832
- Yeah.
- Please.
693
00:37:29,066 --> 00:37:30,567
Yeah, I got an idea.
694
00:37:43,180 --> 00:37:44,514
Okay.
695
00:37:45,649 --> 00:37:47,752
Uh, take off your seatbelt
and roll down the windows.
696
00:37:48,252 --> 00:37:49,854
- Why?
- It's rules of the road.
697
00:37:51,656 --> 00:37:53,456
It's easier to get out
in case we go under.
698
00:37:54,557 --> 00:37:55,660
- Are you serious?
- Yeah.
699
00:37:56,127 --> 00:37:57,995
Shit.
700
00:38:00,197 --> 00:38:01,629
You're a good
swimmer, yeah?
701
00:38:01,631 --> 00:38:03,098
No, I'm not
a good swimmer.
702
00:38:03,100 --> 00:38:04,501
Are you serious?
703
00:38:05,036 --> 00:38:06,869
So, you know,
if we go down
704
00:38:06,871 --> 00:38:08,771
there's no way I can,
I can help you.
705
00:38:08,773 --> 00:38:10,272
- Please help me.
- Because you're...
706
00:38:10,274 --> 00:38:12,043
Please help me.
707
00:38:14,946 --> 00:38:16,577
This is really scary.
708
00:38:16,579 --> 00:38:17,882
It is beautiful.
709
00:38:18,615 --> 00:38:20,115
Are you taking me
out here to kill me?
710
00:38:20,117 --> 00:38:21,052
Yes.
711
00:38:22,086 --> 00:38:22,987
I knew it.
712
00:38:27,291 --> 00:38:28,991
Why are we stopping?
713
00:38:28,993 --> 00:38:29,994
You'll see.
714
00:38:37,134 --> 00:38:38,069
Where are you going?
715
00:38:40,637 --> 00:38:41,538
Don't leave me!
716
00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:20,144
Yeah, this is warm.
717
00:39:20,745 --> 00:39:22,113
It's toasty out here.
718
00:39:23,814 --> 00:39:26,348
Well, you know what they say. If you don't
like the weather, give it five minutes.
719
00:39:26,350 --> 00:39:28,717
- Oh, is that what they say?
- Yeah, yep.
720
00:39:28,719 --> 00:39:29,987
That's hilarious.
721
00:39:38,929 --> 00:39:40,698
So, do you know
her name or anything?
722
00:39:41,165 --> 00:39:42,099
The other woman.
723
00:39:44,001 --> 00:39:45,102
Yeah, I met her
a couple of times.
724
00:39:46,237 --> 00:39:49,606
She works with my husband,
her name is Cynthia I think.
725
00:39:50,775 --> 00:39:51,641
Cynthia?
726
00:39:52,076 --> 00:39:52,977
Yeah.
727
00:39:53,944 --> 00:39:55,880
That's a stupid fucking name.
728
00:39:56,747 --> 00:39:58,015
It is, right?
729
00:39:58,883 --> 00:40:00,918
Have you ever met,
like, a cool Cynthia?
730
00:40:01,819 --> 00:40:02,953
No, nobody has.
731
00:40:03,954 --> 00:40:05,287
Well.
732
00:40:05,289 --> 00:40:06,991
So, what do you think?
733
00:40:07,992 --> 00:40:09,960
- How you gonna do it?
- Do what?
734
00:40:12,096 --> 00:40:13,596
You want to kill her, right?
735
00:40:14,198 --> 00:40:15,132
No!
736
00:40:17,101 --> 00:40:18,002
Yeah.
737
00:40:21,172 --> 00:40:25,910
Maybe like a... like
a wood chipper situation.
738
00:40:30,381 --> 00:40:32,615
You never saw Fargo?
739
00:40:34,318 --> 00:40:36,187
- How about a gun?
- Nope.
740
00:40:37,955 --> 00:40:39,788
Do you know anyone
that has a gun?
741
00:40:39,790 --> 00:40:41,624
- Oh, yeah.
- Okay, great, so you can get one.
742
00:40:42,326 --> 00:40:45,096
- Yeah.
- All right, here's what you're going to do.
743
00:40:45,763 --> 00:40:48,397
You get a gun, you shoot her,
744
00:40:48,399 --> 00:40:52,036
not in the head or the face,
in the gut.
745
00:40:53,137 --> 00:40:57,007
Hurts real bad and takes
a long time to bleed out.
746
00:42:00,137 --> 00:42:01,438
You were right
about the weather.
747
00:42:05,042 --> 00:42:07,075
So, where are you from
if you're not from here?
748
00:42:07,077 --> 00:42:08,078
I was raised here.
749
00:42:10,781 --> 00:42:12,249
- You said you weren't.
- I lied.
750
00:42:13,817 --> 00:42:15,219
Well, why would you
lie about that?
751
00:42:16,921 --> 00:42:18,253
Because at the time
you said you'd been
752
00:42:18,255 --> 00:42:20,090
on HBO and Comedy Central.
753
00:42:23,994 --> 00:42:27,131
Yeah, no, no, I mean,
I was raised here. I, uh...
754
00:42:28,799 --> 00:42:30,933
I grew up here,
I met my husband here,
755
00:42:30,935 --> 00:42:31,969
we went to college together.
756
00:42:32,937 --> 00:42:34,903
- Then we decided we'd stay...
- I'm so sorry,
757
00:42:34,905 --> 00:42:37,005
this is a very boring story.
758
00:42:38,342 --> 00:42:40,344
You got to spice it up
for the listener.
759
00:42:41,111 --> 00:42:45,547
Okay, I listened to your set
last night go on and on and on...
760
00:42:45,549 --> 00:42:47,249
On stage, that's
just my material.
761
00:42:47,251 --> 00:42:49,119
It's mostly lies, I told you.
762
00:42:50,254 --> 00:42:51,488
Well, then tell me something.
763
00:42:52,523 --> 00:42:53,989
What?
764
00:42:53,991 --> 00:42:55,492
Tell me something real.
765
00:42:57,962 --> 00:42:59,163
Something real.
766
00:43:07,538 --> 00:43:09,106
This is going to be my last set.
767
00:43:10,074 --> 00:43:11,275
What do you mean?
768
00:43:14,044 --> 00:43:15,179
I'm sort of retiring.
769
00:43:16,513 --> 00:43:18,247
- From standup?
- Yeah.
770
00:43:18,249 --> 00:43:19,516
- Why?
- I hate it.
771
00:43:20,351 --> 00:43:21,817
I hate it, I do.
772
00:43:21,819 --> 00:43:23,387
I'm not good at it
and I hate it.
773
00:43:24,888 --> 00:43:27,055
I mean, you must've loved it at some part.
When did it, when did it start?
774
00:43:27,057 --> 00:43:28,892
- How did you start?
- I don't know. I guess...
775
00:43:30,194 --> 00:43:31,927
the answer I give
in all of the interviews
776
00:43:31,929 --> 00:43:33,462
that I do,
I don't do interviews,
777
00:43:33,464 --> 00:43:37,566
is, um, that I grew up
listening to comedy albums
778
00:43:37,568 --> 00:43:40,902
of people like,
George Carlin and Lenny Bruce
779
00:43:40,904 --> 00:43:43,071
and Richard Pryor.
780
00:43:43,073 --> 00:43:44,373
- Is that the truth?
- No.
781
00:43:44,375 --> 00:43:46,975
Okay, well,
then why do you do it?
782
00:43:46,977 --> 00:43:48,345
What makes you do it?
783
00:43:49,446 --> 00:43:53,081
I'm vain, I'm selfish,
I'm afraid, I guess.
784
00:43:53,083 --> 00:43:54,184
Afraid of what?
785
00:43:55,085 --> 00:43:57,087
Everyone, everything.
786
00:43:58,122 --> 00:44:01,890
I guess it's, a, like
a preemptive strike, you know?
787
00:44:01,892 --> 00:44:04,593
I'm going to make fun of me
before you make fun of me,
788
00:44:04,595 --> 00:44:07,164
- 'cause I know it's coming.
- Are you afraid of me?
789
00:44:09,500 --> 00:44:10,632
Yeah.
790
00:44:10,634 --> 00:44:11,535
Terrified.
791
00:44:12,269 --> 00:44:13,170
Why?
792
00:44:18,475 --> 00:44:19,810
Because you're authentic.
793
00:44:21,345 --> 00:44:22,246
Oh.
794
00:44:28,485 --> 00:44:30,452
You know what
they say it takes to get,
795
00:44:30,454 --> 00:44:32,990
like, really good at comedy?
796
00:44:33,424 --> 00:44:35,557
You know, like finding your
voice, do you know what that is?
797
00:44:35,559 --> 00:44:36,493
Yeah.
798
00:44:41,298 --> 00:44:43,000
I don't think I ever found mine.
799
00:44:45,202 --> 00:44:46,570
I'm kind of done looking for it.
800
00:45:05,155 --> 00:45:06,223
I'm not going to fuck you.
801
00:45:08,158 --> 00:45:09,293
We'll see about that.
802
00:45:32,383 --> 00:45:34,015
Shit.
803
00:45:34,017 --> 00:45:35,586
What, who is it?
804
00:45:36,721 --> 00:45:37,988
Gary.
805
00:45:39,289 --> 00:45:41,392
- Oh, shit!
- Nah, it's fine.
806
00:45:41,992 --> 00:45:43,293
- Fine?
- It's fine.
807
00:45:44,294 --> 00:45:46,296
He's basically a robot.
808
00:46:10,354 --> 00:46:11,321
Who's that?
809
00:46:13,257 --> 00:46:15,192
Uh, that's the, the comic
from last night.
810
00:46:15,693 --> 00:46:17,327
He's performing again tonight.
811
00:46:18,495 --> 00:46:22,063
He's... he's kind
of a big deal so they wanted me
812
00:46:22,065 --> 00:46:24,332
to show him around today.
813
00:46:24,334 --> 00:46:26,637
Okay. He on TV?
814
00:46:28,105 --> 00:46:30,207
- Tons.
- Wow.
815
00:46:41,084 --> 00:46:45,255
So... what you said to me
last night on the phone.
816
00:46:45,657 --> 00:46:47,659
I was angry, Gary, I...
817
00:46:49,159 --> 00:46:50,227
I'm sorry, Dee.
818
00:46:52,262 --> 00:46:55,197
I'm so sorry, Dee.
And, and I'm so stupid.
819
00:46:55,199 --> 00:46:58,368
Holy hell, I don't even know
what the hell I was thinking.
820
00:46:58,736 --> 00:47:01,269
It just happened, you know?
821
00:47:01,271 --> 00:47:02,206
And...
822
00:47:03,675 --> 00:47:06,009
I miss you. I miss you so much.
823
00:47:06,811 --> 00:47:08,111
I miss you so much.
824
00:47:10,113 --> 00:47:13,415
- The girls are scared.
- Don't you dare bring those girls into this, Gary.
825
00:47:13,417 --> 00:47:16,284
I'm not, I'm not. I... they...
I didn't tell them nothing, they just...
826
00:47:16,286 --> 00:47:18,253
they know that
you didn't come home last night.
827
00:47:18,255 --> 00:47:23,126
And, and, uh, they know
you haven't been home today.
828
00:47:25,529 --> 00:47:27,097
Will you just tell me
what to do?
829
00:47:27,531 --> 00:47:29,299
I'm so sorry, I didn't...
830
00:47:30,434 --> 00:47:33,337
I'm so sorry, Dee.
I'm so sorry, Dee.
831
00:47:37,508 --> 00:47:39,076
Just go home, Gary.
832
00:47:40,544 --> 00:47:41,645
Just go home.
833
00:48:28,793 --> 00:48:29,827
Fuck.
834
00:48:31,829 --> 00:48:36,066
So, you're saying tonight's
your... your last show ever.
835
00:48:38,435 --> 00:48:40,203
Yeah, that's pretty much
what I'm saying.
836
00:48:40,705 --> 00:48:42,506
Well, I got to see that, right?
837
00:48:46,310 --> 00:48:48,577
I mean, if you're a glutton
for punishment, yeah.
838
00:49:05,797 --> 00:49:08,430
Here's something
that's hot off the presses,
839
00:49:08,432 --> 00:49:10,465
if you pretend like it's 1996.
840
00:49:10,467 --> 00:49:12,870
You know, they just started
putting, uh, porn out on DVD.
841
00:49:14,204 --> 00:49:15,105
Pretty cool.
842
00:49:15,639 --> 00:49:17,572
I'm not sure we need, uh,
843
00:49:17,574 --> 00:49:19,709
the bonus features
though, you know?
844
00:49:19,711 --> 00:49:20,611
Do we need that?
845
00:49:21,913 --> 00:49:25,182
You know, do we need that? Do we
need the director's commentary?
846
00:49:25,549 --> 00:49:26,718
"We're losing the light.
847
00:49:27,852 --> 00:49:30,251
And, uh, and then Cinnamon,
Cinnamon comes up to me
848
00:49:30,253 --> 00:49:35,693
and Cinnamon said, "Um, I just
found out that I have HIV,"
849
00:49:36,560 --> 00:49:40,462
and I was like, "well,
Cinnamon, you're an actress.
850
00:49:40,464 --> 00:49:42,800
Just use it." And I think,
851
00:49:43,567 --> 00:49:46,434
I think you can see
the HIV in her performance.
852
00:49:46,436 --> 00:49:49,206
And, uh, Blaze.
853
00:49:49,640 --> 00:49:51,506
Blaze has been
fucking all day, man,
854
00:49:51,508 --> 00:49:53,475
and he couldn't,
he couldn't cum anymore.
855
00:49:53,477 --> 00:49:55,343
I remember smoke
was coming out of his dick,
856
00:49:55,345 --> 00:49:56,513
it was just smoke."
857
00:49:58,382 --> 00:49:59,547
Ah, come on.
858
00:49:59,549 --> 00:50:00,783
We're having fun, right?
859
00:50:00,785 --> 00:50:02,283
Are you guys not having fun?
860
00:50:02,285 --> 00:50:03,719
"Oh, no.
861
00:50:03,721 --> 00:50:06,256
Oh, no, we don't like this.
862
00:50:06,791 --> 00:50:09,559
I'll tell you what we like,
we like ice fishing.
863
00:50:10,394 --> 00:50:11,696
That's what we think is fun."
864
00:50:13,898 --> 00:50:14,799
How much longer?
865
00:50:16,233 --> 00:50:16,934
Oh, my God.
866
00:50:18,268 --> 00:50:19,169
Oh, my God.
867
00:50:19,971 --> 00:50:21,103
All right, here we go,
here we go.
868
00:50:21,105 --> 00:50:24,408
Let's have fun. Here's
an impression of me and my dick.
869
00:50:27,477 --> 00:50:28,778
Pretty cool, right?
870
00:50:28,780 --> 00:50:30,514
Fuck it.
Now how much time do we have?
871
00:50:31,683 --> 00:50:33,550
Come on. Nobody's with me?
872
00:50:34,786 --> 00:50:36,520
Um, you know what?
873
00:50:37,989 --> 00:50:41,423
I don't really care,
to be honest.
874
00:50:41,425 --> 00:50:44,760
♪ I don't care about you
You rednecks ♪
875
00:50:44,762 --> 00:50:46,628
All right,
here we go, here we go.
876
00:50:46,630 --> 00:50:49,366
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry,
sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
877
00:50:50,001 --> 00:50:52,034
Not really, fuck you. Um.
878
00:50:52,036 --> 00:50:52,970
You suck, man!
879
00:50:55,472 --> 00:50:56,373
Yeah.
880
00:50:58,475 --> 00:51:01,911
Yeah, I do suck, bro.
881
00:51:01,913 --> 00:51:04,546
But I know I suck
and I've been trying to
882
00:51:04,548 --> 00:51:07,652
tell people that
for years, okay?
883
00:51:08,285 --> 00:51:09,386
But I'm owning it.
884
00:51:09,854 --> 00:51:11,721
Tonight I'm owning it.
885
00:51:11,723 --> 00:51:13,223
How much I suck.
886
00:51:14,025 --> 00:51:17,459
And you should own
how much you suck, dude.
887
00:51:17,461 --> 00:51:18,863
You should also
go fuck yourself.
888
00:51:20,064 --> 00:51:22,867
So let's meet back
here in ten years.
889
00:51:23,433 --> 00:51:26,836
You guys will all still be here,
I guarantee you that.
890
00:51:26,838 --> 00:51:30,007
I guarantee you,
you will still be here,
891
00:51:30,574 --> 00:51:32,744
but I will be long gone.
892
00:51:33,343 --> 00:51:34,511
I will be long gone.
893
00:51:35,079 --> 00:51:39,081
Oh, look, it is the lady
from the liquor store
894
00:51:39,083 --> 00:51:40,783
as I'm sure you all know.
895
00:51:40,785 --> 00:51:45,489
Hello, and what did
I tell you when I met you?
896
00:51:45,923 --> 00:51:48,425
I said I'm not very good at this
897
00:51:48,860 --> 00:51:52,029
and you should
not come... didn't I?
898
00:51:53,363 --> 00:51:55,499
So, this is on you.
899
00:51:56,566 --> 00:51:59,436
And frankly, you're not
so great at your job either.
900
00:52:00,437 --> 00:52:02,572
Little chatty.
Little chatty is all I'm saying.
901
00:52:03,406 --> 00:52:07,509
Let's land this thing...
which is what they said on the Hindenburg.
902
00:52:07,511 --> 00:52:10,380
Um, I'll go out on this.
This is my closer.
903
00:52:13,851 --> 00:52:15,352
This is my closer.
904
00:52:17,521 --> 00:52:18,689
I'm on the road a lot.
905
00:52:19,924 --> 00:52:22,392
I am on the road a lot, um,
but I don't cheat on my wife.
906
00:52:23,493 --> 00:52:28,465
Um, and my wife suggested
that we have phone sex,
907
00:52:28,866 --> 00:52:31,000
but I quickly
realized that it was
908
00:52:31,002 --> 00:52:34,404
the saddest thing in the world
909
00:52:34,839 --> 00:52:36,772
to have phone sex with my wife,
910
00:52:36,774 --> 00:52:38,941
because it's really
more about my wife
911
00:52:38,943 --> 00:52:41,813
just controlling
what I masturbate to.
912
00:52:42,612 --> 00:52:44,747
And it goes a little
something like this.
913
00:52:44,749 --> 00:52:46,083
My wife says...
914
00:52:47,885 --> 00:52:49,086
"Okay, go."
915
00:52:50,721 --> 00:52:51,889
And so...
916
00:52:53,390 --> 00:52:54,491
I start masturbating.
917
00:52:56,994 --> 00:52:58,095
And I cum.
918
00:52:59,496 --> 00:53:03,067
And my wife goes...
"Are you finished?"
919
00:53:05,036 --> 00:53:06,469
And I say, "Yes."
920
00:53:08,638 --> 00:53:12,810
And, uh, and my wife goes,
"Goodnight, sicko."
921
00:53:16,147 --> 00:53:17,414
I go, "Goodnight...
922
00:53:18,582 --> 00:53:20,051
I love you."
923
00:53:23,788 --> 00:53:24,889
So, that's my time.
924
00:53:25,957 --> 00:53:27,357
Uh, I'm Tim Fletcher.
925
00:53:27,859 --> 00:53:28,826
And...
926
00:53:30,895 --> 00:53:32,495
sorry about that.
927
00:53:36,533 --> 00:53:39,402
Okay, uh, all right, um.
928
00:53:39,871 --> 00:53:42,204
Everybody give
another round of applause
929
00:53:42,206 --> 00:53:44,507
for our headliner, Tim Fletcher.
930
00:53:44,976 --> 00:53:48,878
Thank you. We will definitely
remember that. I, I want to...
931
00:53:48,880 --> 00:53:50,946
Let's go to my retirement party.
932
00:53:50,948 --> 00:53:54,051
...we do have comedy here,
uh, on the weekends.
933
00:53:58,723 --> 00:54:00,457
Did you know that was
going to happen?
934
00:54:00,858 --> 00:54:01,792
No.
935
00:54:13,070 --> 00:54:14,171
Vodka?
936
00:54:14,939 --> 00:54:16,007
Uh, sure.
937
00:54:20,644 --> 00:54:21,746
Do you want a pill?
938
00:54:22,246 --> 00:54:24,115
No. No, thanks, not tonight.
939
00:54:47,570 --> 00:54:48,471
You know...
940
00:54:50,007 --> 00:54:51,608
when it really works...
941
00:54:52,944 --> 00:54:54,946
and you're actually killing...
942
00:54:56,914 --> 00:54:59,482
it's not me versus them,
943
00:55:00,851 --> 00:55:04,755
a performer, an audience,
it's just us.
944
00:55:06,623 --> 00:55:07,858
A conversation.
945
00:55:09,260 --> 00:55:12,830
And your stupid books
will say that there's
946
00:55:13,264 --> 00:55:14,966
a structure to a joke...
947
00:55:16,701 --> 00:55:17,902
but there's not.
948
00:55:19,870 --> 00:55:23,238
I mean, there is,
but we all already know it
949
00:55:23,240 --> 00:55:26,777
because we're human beings
and we do it every day.
950
00:55:29,947 --> 00:55:33,951
Like, if I say, "Man, the
weather's so hot, it's like..."
951
00:55:34,318 --> 00:55:36,887
I'm walking around
inside somebody's mouth.
952
00:55:40,157 --> 00:55:41,624
Exactly.
953
00:55:42,693 --> 00:55:44,226
Because that's what
a conversation is, right?
954
00:55:44,228 --> 00:55:47,997
It's just looking
for some sort of reaction.
955
00:55:47,999 --> 00:55:50,567
It could be a laugh,
it could be a cry.
956
00:55:53,137 --> 00:55:55,906
But just some sort of response.
957
00:55:58,009 --> 00:55:59,710
Then everything else
is just the setup.
958
00:56:06,817 --> 00:56:09,086
Do you still
want to be a comedian?
959
00:56:09,720 --> 00:56:12,688
- More than ever.
- I promise I'm not trying to talk you out of it.
960
00:56:12,690 --> 00:56:14,825
Jesus, I'd hate
to see if you did.
961
00:56:15,793 --> 00:56:16,694
Okay.
962
00:56:18,295 --> 00:56:21,198
Then you got to start
writing like, everything down.
963
00:56:21,799 --> 00:56:23,766
To get jokes, I mean.
964
00:56:23,768 --> 00:56:25,200
But you have to start
paying attention
965
00:56:25,202 --> 00:56:27,238
to the things that piss you off.
966
00:56:27,872 --> 00:56:31,206
People that are assholes,
oblivious dickheads,
967
00:56:31,208 --> 00:56:34,176
or the most fucked up
darkest thoughts
968
00:56:34,178 --> 00:56:36,211
that only come out
of your brain.
969
00:56:36,213 --> 00:56:39,715
Whatever gets some sort of
emotional reaction out of you.
970
00:56:39,717 --> 00:56:41,919
Figure out what
makes it funny later.
971
00:56:42,887 --> 00:56:43,919
Write it down.
972
00:56:43,921 --> 00:56:44,955
Do you do that?
973
00:57:01,005 --> 00:57:02,905
These are jokes?
974
00:57:02,907 --> 00:57:04,008
No.
975
00:57:04,408 --> 00:57:06,710
Oh, like a, like a diary?
976
00:57:07,211 --> 00:57:08,643
No.
977
00:57:08,645 --> 00:57:09,778
Journal.
978
00:57:09,780 --> 00:57:11,782
No. It's like a...
979
00:57:12,850 --> 00:57:15,753
man's log book of his thoughts.
980
00:57:19,323 --> 00:57:21,659
You're really sad, aren't you?
981
00:57:27,398 --> 00:57:31,634
Yeah, I guess I'm... pretty sad.
982
00:57:32,736 --> 00:57:34,805
I'm just tired of
pretending like I'm not.
983
00:57:42,680 --> 00:57:43,681
Wait.
984
00:57:44,882 --> 00:57:46,281
Are you sure you
want to do this?
985
00:57:46,283 --> 00:57:47,318
Yeah.
986
00:57:48,018 --> 00:57:49,820
Are you sure you
want to do this?
987
00:57:51,889 --> 00:57:54,992
But to be clear,
you're using me, right?
988
00:57:57,161 --> 00:57:58,628
Yeah.
989
00:57:59,296 --> 00:58:01,332
And you're using me, right?
990
00:58:02,967 --> 00:58:04,368
Big time.
991
00:58:31,362 --> 00:58:37,799
"I denied myself
nothing my eyes desired."
992
00:58:39,170 --> 00:58:41,937
- I like the sound of that.
- Hmm. Yeah.
993
00:58:41,939 --> 00:58:45,809
"I refused my heart
no pleasure."
994
00:58:46,877 --> 00:58:48,045
I like the sound of that.
995
00:58:50,114 --> 00:58:55,286
"Yet, when I surveyed
all that my hands had done
996
00:58:55,920 --> 00:58:58,189
and what I had
toiled to achieve...
997
00:59:00,157 --> 00:59:02,126
everything was meaningless.
998
00:59:03,227 --> 00:59:06,130
A chasing after the wind.
999
00:59:07,298 --> 00:59:10,901
Nothing was gained
under the sun."
1000
00:59:15,206 --> 00:59:17,441
Man, that last part was depressing.
1001
00:59:19,009 --> 00:59:20,811
But the beginning was nice.
1002
00:59:21,979 --> 00:59:23,347
I like Ecclesiastes.
1003
00:59:24,415 --> 00:59:26,817
- You knew that was Ecclesiastes?
- Yeah.
1004
00:59:28,485 --> 00:59:29,920
Do you believe in God?
1005
00:59:32,022 --> 00:59:35,059
I mean, I suppose as much as
any Lutheran does.
1006
00:59:37,194 --> 00:59:38,362
So you go to church.
1007
00:59:39,363 --> 00:59:41,232
Yep, Gary's on a council.
1008
00:59:43,167 --> 00:59:45,936
What, what do Lutherans believe?
1009
00:59:50,140 --> 00:59:53,744
Well, basically you don't need the
pope to go to heaven.
1010
00:59:55,145 --> 00:59:56,413
So you believe in heaven.
1011
01:00:00,150 --> 01:00:01,950
I, I don't know.
I mean, come on.
1012
01:00:01,952 --> 01:00:03,485
- I'm not making fun.
- It's just.
1013
01:00:03,487 --> 01:00:06,790
No, it... My mom died
last year, that's all.
1014
01:00:07,925 --> 01:00:08,826
I'm sorry.
1015
01:00:09,326 --> 01:00:10,227
Yeah.
1016
01:00:11,362 --> 01:00:12,930
I was with her in the end.
1017
01:00:15,099 --> 01:00:16,233
I watched her go.
1018
01:00:17,034 --> 01:00:19,403
I was holding her hand and...
1019
01:00:22,506 --> 01:00:24,541
and her eyes were
closed, but I knew.
1020
01:00:26,343 --> 01:00:27,511
Her last breath...
1021
01:00:33,417 --> 01:00:34,818
was so beautiful.
1022
01:00:37,321 --> 01:00:39,154
I was struck with the idea
for the first time
1023
01:00:39,156 --> 01:00:43,093
in my life that...
that maybe this was it.
1024
01:00:44,028 --> 01:00:45,829
That this was it and...
1025
01:00:47,464 --> 01:00:48,565
I wasn't sad.
1026
01:00:51,535 --> 01:00:52,936
I was grateful.
1027
01:00:55,272 --> 01:00:57,308
And I remember thinking
that this was enough.
1028
01:01:01,278 --> 01:01:03,480
And to expect anything more
would be greedy.
1029
01:01:10,387 --> 01:01:11,288
Wow.
1030
01:01:11,922 --> 01:01:13,021
- Sorry.
- No.
1031
01:01:13,023 --> 01:01:14,358
- I just...
- Don't be.
1032
01:01:16,327 --> 01:01:18,126
I mean, I know you
have to get up early, so...
1033
01:01:18,128 --> 01:01:19,263
No, I'm fine.
1034
01:01:19,963 --> 01:01:21,330
No, I don't want
this to be weird.
1035
01:01:21,332 --> 01:01:22,497
- You're not making it weird.
- Okay.
1036
01:01:25,569 --> 01:01:27,402
Can you just, can you grab that?
1037
01:01:27,404 --> 01:01:28,472
Uh, yeah.
1038
01:01:33,510 --> 01:01:36,347
Retired comedian Tim Fletcher,
how may I direct your call?
1039
01:01:36,914 --> 01:01:39,915
Hi, this is Ruthie
down at the front desk.
1040
01:01:39,917 --> 01:01:42,084
Um, I'm just calling to see if,
1041
01:01:42,086 --> 01:01:43,653
- by any chance...
- Okay, for crying out loud.
1042
01:01:43,655 --> 01:01:45,420
Ruthie, you don't have to act
1043
01:01:45,422 --> 01:01:46,957
like I don't know
what's going on.
1044
01:01:47,958 --> 01:01:49,493
Um, I'm looking for Dee.
1045
01:01:50,561 --> 01:01:52,096
Hey, you might
want to take this.
1046
01:01:54,565 --> 01:01:56,467
- Hey, Dee.
- Hey, Ruthie.
1047
01:01:57,067 --> 01:01:58,068
Uh, Ruthie.
1048
01:01:58,635 --> 01:01:59,536
Please.
1049
01:02:01,205 --> 01:02:03,071
Dee? Uh, it's Gary.
1050
01:02:03,073 --> 01:02:04,341
G... I'm still working.
1051
01:02:04,709 --> 01:02:07,209
- Oh, come on, Dee.
- Gary, listen to me.
1052
01:02:07,211 --> 01:02:09,346
I don't want
to see you right now.
1053
01:02:10,080 --> 01:02:11,315
You know, the girls are here.
1054
01:02:11,949 --> 01:02:14,015
- What?
- Yeah, they want to see you.
1055
01:02:14,017 --> 01:02:16,184
So you brought them here?
1056
01:02:16,186 --> 01:02:18,186
Well, yeah, you know,
I don't know what's going on, you know?
1057
01:02:18,188 --> 01:02:19,890
You know what the fuck
you're doing.
1058
01:02:20,257 --> 01:02:22,725
I'm not the one doing
the asking, it's your daughters.
1059
01:02:22,727 --> 01:02:24,895
Well, maybe I don't want
to see them either!
1060
01:02:33,671 --> 01:02:34,571
Dee?
1061
01:02:46,350 --> 01:02:47,384
Dee?
1062
01:03:00,297 --> 01:03:03,934
- Dee?
- Uh... hello.
1063
01:03:04,468 --> 01:03:07,202
- Who's this?
- Gary, it's Tim.
1064
01:03:07,204 --> 01:03:08,472
Yeah, you're the VIP, huh?
1065
01:03:09,106 --> 01:03:10,407
I looked you up online.
1066
01:03:11,241 --> 01:03:12,276
You're a nobody, pal.
1067
01:03:13,310 --> 01:03:14,242
I don't know what kind
of BS that you're shoving
1068
01:03:14,244 --> 01:03:16,478
in my wife,
but you better knock it off.
1069
01:03:16,480 --> 01:03:19,682
Gary, Dee's upset right now.
1070
01:03:19,684 --> 01:03:21,385
She's super pissed, man.
1071
01:03:21,753 --> 01:03:25,620
And she's going to need some
time and some space from you.
1072
01:03:25,622 --> 01:03:27,991
Now I'm leaving, bright
and early in the morning,
1073
01:03:28,459 --> 01:03:31,727
so you're not going to have to
worry about my lame ass anymore.
1074
01:03:31,729 --> 01:03:33,528
She's not answering
her cellphone.
1075
01:03:33,530 --> 01:03:35,096
Dee doesn't own a cell anymore.
1076
01:03:35,098 --> 01:03:37,100
We smashed that shit up
18 hours ago.
1077
01:03:38,368 --> 01:03:39,570
Have you and her...
1078
01:03:40,738 --> 01:03:42,604
- Did you...
- What is this, junior high?
1079
01:03:42,606 --> 01:03:44,408
We're way past that, man.
1080
01:03:44,809 --> 01:03:46,744
We did all kinds of things.
1081
01:03:47,644 --> 01:03:50,748
You probably want to know
if we made out up at the lake?
1082
01:03:51,415 --> 01:03:53,550
Well, the answer is, yeah, Gary.
1083
01:03:54,251 --> 01:03:55,586
And it was really awesome.
1084
01:03:56,220 --> 01:03:57,454
But what did you do, Gary?
1085
01:03:58,690 --> 01:03:59,958
What, did you go fall in love
with your little sidepiece?
1086
01:04:01,124 --> 01:04:05,160
Because I thought you were just
into like CFNM on the internet.
1087
01:04:05,162 --> 01:04:08,196
- Now, you listen to me.
- No, you listen, Gary,
1088
01:04:08,198 --> 01:04:09,464
'cause here's
a little bit of advice.
1089
01:04:09,466 --> 01:04:12,234
Clear that browser history, bro,
1090
01:04:12,236 --> 01:04:14,169
okay? And close out
of your email.
1091
01:04:14,171 --> 01:04:15,671
But I, I didn't...
1092
01:04:15,673 --> 01:04:18,141
I know, man. I know where
you're going with this.
1093
01:04:18,542 --> 01:04:20,577
But you can't have it
both ways, Gary.
1094
01:04:21,211 --> 01:04:24,112
Either you're having
an affair with Cynthia
1095
01:04:24,114 --> 01:04:26,550
and you're covering
your ass, or you're not.
1096
01:04:27,217 --> 01:04:28,585
It didn't just happen.
1097
01:04:29,988 --> 01:04:32,657
- How'd you know her name?
- How do you think I know her name, dipshit?
1098
01:04:33,290 --> 01:04:37,194
Gary, I'm a lot
like you, man.
1099
01:04:38,562 --> 01:04:42,132
Hey, me and you are like
a lot of other dudes.
1100
01:04:43,634 --> 01:04:45,335
Have you ever seen
City Slickers?
1101
01:04:46,503 --> 01:04:47,638
It's kind of like that.
1102
01:04:48,539 --> 01:04:50,806
I mean, it's different because
they're on a cattle drive,
1103
01:04:50,808 --> 01:04:53,644
but... guys like me and you...
1104
01:04:55,245 --> 01:04:57,247
we hurt people
that we claim to love.
1105
01:04:57,849 --> 01:05:00,117
Then we do it
over and over again.
1106
01:05:00,652 --> 01:05:02,586
But one thing I would
never do to my wife
1107
01:05:03,220 --> 01:05:05,355
is use our child to hide behind.
1108
01:05:07,591 --> 01:05:09,359
Is Dee standing right there?
1109
01:05:10,494 --> 01:05:11,696
Go home, Gary.
1110
01:05:12,563 --> 01:05:14,364
She'll be there
when she gets there.
1111
01:05:19,837 --> 01:05:21,138
Okay, thank you, Ruthie.
1112
01:05:23,708 --> 01:05:26,842
Okay, girls, we're just
going to go home, okay?
1113
01:05:26,844 --> 01:05:30,080
And we'll check in later.
She's busy working right now.
1114
01:05:38,555 --> 01:05:40,725
So is that why
you're getting a divorce?
1115
01:05:43,761 --> 01:05:46,161
Happened a few years ago. Um.
1116
01:05:46,163 --> 01:05:47,596
A club in Topeka.
1117
01:05:47,598 --> 01:05:48,498
This...
1118
01:05:49,867 --> 01:05:52,334
waitress who wouldn't
give me the time of day
1119
01:05:52,336 --> 01:05:55,572
until I came off stage,
and suddenly I was attractive.
1120
01:05:55,940 --> 01:05:59,176
She came up to me at the bar
and said, "You're so funny."
1121
01:05:59,811 --> 01:06:02,477
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah.
1122
01:06:02,479 --> 01:06:03,815
Just like you.
1123
01:06:04,749 --> 01:06:05,683
So...
1124
01:06:08,318 --> 01:06:13,388
we started talking
and... we kept in touch.
1125
01:06:13,390 --> 01:06:14,792
I saw quite a bit of her.
1126
01:06:16,193 --> 01:06:17,361
So how'd you get caught?
1127
01:06:18,896 --> 01:06:19,831
It doesn't matter.
1128
01:06:25,602 --> 01:06:27,270
And your wife stayed with you?
1129
01:06:31,475 --> 01:06:32,643
She forgave you?
1130
01:06:34,511 --> 01:06:35,680
She said she did.
1131
01:06:36,246 --> 01:06:37,247
Do you believe her?
1132
01:06:38,382 --> 01:06:39,282
Do you?
1133
01:06:41,953 --> 01:06:43,688
Guess how many men
I've fucked, Tim.
1134
01:06:45,790 --> 01:06:47,422
- I don't really want to...
- Two.
1135
01:06:47,424 --> 01:06:50,193
- See, that's why I didn't...
- Him and you.
1136
01:06:51,561 --> 01:06:54,631
I was 20-fucking-years-old
when I married that man.
1137
01:06:55,632 --> 01:06:57,669
I was the cautious one.
1138
01:07:00,604 --> 01:07:02,907
I was the unsure one.
1139
01:07:04,274 --> 01:07:07,977
We're young... there's no
need to rush anything.
1140
01:07:07,979 --> 01:07:09,681
And he proposed to me anyway.
1141
01:07:11,581 --> 01:07:14,819
He proposed to me at a division
three college basketball game.
1142
01:07:16,319 --> 01:07:17,452
On the jumbotron?
1143
01:07:17,454 --> 01:07:20,257
No! There's no jumbotron, Tim.
1144
01:07:21,558 --> 01:07:24,628
Have you ever heard of
Augsburg College in Minneapolis?
1145
01:07:24,996 --> 01:07:27,262
- No.
- No, no one has, Tim.
1146
01:07:27,264 --> 01:07:31,533
No one's heard of the
Augsburg Auggies in Minneapolis,
1147
01:07:31,535 --> 01:07:33,903
and they don't have
a fucking jumbotron
1148
01:07:33,905 --> 01:07:36,239
at their fucking
basketball games.
1149
01:07:38,642 --> 01:07:41,309
This is one of those things
you should be writing down.
1150
01:08:05,535 --> 01:08:07,237
So what are your plans tomorrow?
1151
01:08:10,507 --> 01:08:11,943
I haven't really
thought about it.
1152
01:08:13,610 --> 01:08:15,545
What time do
the cleaning ladies come?
1153
01:08:16,981 --> 01:08:18,515
Like 10:30 or so.
1154
01:08:20,450 --> 01:08:22,754
I'll probably get a wake up
call like 9:45.
1155
01:08:24,722 --> 01:08:27,792
Try to make it to the breakfast buffet before they close.
1156
01:08:29,894 --> 01:08:31,294
To have a waffle?
1157
01:08:33,630 --> 01:08:34,631
Yeah.
1158
01:08:37,567 --> 01:08:38,669
And then get on the road.
1159
01:08:40,037 --> 01:08:40,938
To see Sean.
1160
01:08:42,840 --> 01:08:43,741
Your son?
1161
01:08:59,857 --> 01:09:04,061
That one means father
and that one means son.
1162
01:09:08,900 --> 01:09:10,868
Japanese.
1163
01:09:11,535 --> 01:09:12,435
Why?
1164
01:09:13,104 --> 01:09:14,839
Because I'm so fucking original.
1165
01:09:21,946 --> 01:09:22,947
What are your plans?
1166
01:09:26,818 --> 01:09:28,385
I have no idea.
1167
01:09:33,825 --> 01:09:35,660
How cool is that?
1168
01:10:16,100 --> 01:10:18,868
Um, maybe you should
take that vodka.
1169
01:10:18,870 --> 01:10:20,705
I think you're going
to need it more than me.
1170
01:10:39,857 --> 01:10:41,659
You should probably
have this too.
1171
01:10:43,127 --> 01:10:44,494
I can't take that.
1172
01:10:45,096 --> 01:10:46,527
I told you, I'm retired.
1173
01:10:46,529 --> 01:10:48,496
I know, but those
are your jokes.
1174
01:10:48,498 --> 01:10:49,700
But not if I give them to you.
1175
01:10:50,167 --> 01:10:54,837
Plus, you won't even
really use them, you know?
1176
01:10:54,839 --> 01:10:58,175
The stuff that you come up with
is going to be your own.
1177
01:10:58,876 --> 01:11:03,446
Way better than 900 jokes
about boners and buttholes.
1178
01:11:04,715 --> 01:11:06,483
Just take it.
1179
01:11:09,754 --> 01:11:14,759
And if I can just give you
one little thing of advice.
1180
01:11:16,661 --> 01:11:20,197
Now, this is coming
from Tim Fletcher,
1181
01:11:20,965 --> 01:11:23,699
currently headlining at a hotel
1182
01:11:23,701 --> 01:11:26,567
in International Falls,
Minnesota, so.
1183
01:11:26,569 --> 01:11:27,537
Grain of salt.
1184
01:11:28,940 --> 01:11:34,544
If you go through with this...
just tell the truth...
1185
01:11:36,013 --> 01:11:37,748
no matter how ugly it is.
1186
01:11:38,749 --> 01:11:39,817
Be yourself.
1187
01:11:40,851 --> 01:11:42,084
Because you're authentic
and you're fucking funny.
1188
01:11:46,757 --> 01:11:49,226
Maybe I could get one more.
1189
01:11:57,567 --> 01:12:00,237
I was going to say handjob.
1190
01:12:01,138 --> 01:12:02,173
I know.
1191
01:12:09,981 --> 01:12:11,115
Bye, Tim.
1192
01:12:21,058 --> 01:12:22,159
Bye, Dee.
1193
01:12:30,600 --> 01:12:32,535
Hey, um, it's me.
1194
01:12:33,838 --> 01:12:37,574
I know it's late but I was
hoping I could talk to him.
1195
01:12:40,044 --> 01:12:43,513
Can you just please
tell him that I love him.
1196
01:12:44,915 --> 01:12:47,651
And, uh, tell him
I'm sorry, okay?
1197
01:12:51,655 --> 01:12:53,090
I hope he likes the moose.
1198
01:12:55,659 --> 01:12:56,559
Okay.
1199
01:13:56,153 --> 01:13:57,221
I'm sorry.
1200
01:14:02,660 --> 01:14:03,661
Do you think I'm funny?
1201
01:14:05,663 --> 01:14:06,730
Yeah.
1202
01:14:08,332 --> 01:14:09,800
Yeah, I think you're funny.
1203
01:14:11,068 --> 01:14:15,072
And you're beautiful and, and...
1204
01:14:16,707 --> 01:14:19,376
y... you're funny, uh.
1205
01:14:21,879 --> 01:14:22,980
I'm not leaving you.
1206
01:14:25,816 --> 01:14:27,985
That's not how this is
going to be described.
1207
01:14:28,452 --> 01:14:29,954
We're ending our marriage
1208
01:14:30,321 --> 01:14:32,389
because we both know
that it's over.
1209
01:14:34,091 --> 01:14:36,091
We can sell the house
or you can live in it,
1210
01:14:36,093 --> 01:14:38,662
but I'm not going
to live here anymore.
1211
01:14:40,764 --> 01:14:43,000
We'll share custody
of the girls.
1212
01:14:44,101 --> 01:14:45,703
We can tell them together.
1213
01:14:46,937 --> 01:14:50,439
We'll talk to their teachers
and their counselors
1214
01:14:50,441 --> 01:14:51,976
or whatever, at school.
1215
01:14:54,211 --> 01:14:56,213
I'm not using your infidelity...
1216
01:14:59,283 --> 01:15:01,185
as leverage for anything,
1217
01:15:02,119 --> 01:15:05,156
except your silence
in this moment.
1218
01:15:11,328 --> 01:15:12,396
Fuck you, Gary.
1219
01:15:14,331 --> 01:15:16,033
I wasn't happy either.
1220
01:15:16,734 --> 01:15:19,904
We could've at least
talked about it.
1221
01:15:20,871 --> 01:15:25,442
I'm sorry I pretended
to be happier than I was.
1222
01:15:27,278 --> 01:15:32,383
To think that
you thought I was that stupid.
1223
01:15:33,384 --> 01:15:34,752
You know...
1224
01:15:36,754 --> 01:15:39,188
I mean, God.
1225
01:15:39,190 --> 01:15:40,224
It's so...
1226
01:15:54,171 --> 01:15:55,873
God, okay.
1227
01:15:59,043 --> 01:16:00,409
Okay.
1228
01:16:00,411 --> 01:16:01,843
I don't have to actually ask you
1229
01:16:01,845 --> 01:16:03,347
to sleep on the couch, right?
1230
01:17:36,507 --> 01:17:38,373
So, did he say anything that
1231
01:17:38,375 --> 01:17:39,910
might've made you
think that he...
1232
01:17:42,346 --> 01:17:44,012
- No, no.
- Perfect.
1233
01:17:44,014 --> 01:17:45,881
No, I mean, I knew that
it was his last show
1234
01:17:45,883 --> 01:17:48,350
- as a comedian.
- Perfect.
1235
01:17:48,352 --> 01:17:50,385
And I knew he had the pills,
but he said
1236
01:17:50,387 --> 01:17:53,190
- that they were his ex-wife's, so, uh...
- Perfect.
1237
01:17:54,458 --> 01:17:55,592
I mean, you just...
1238
01:17:57,561 --> 01:17:58,994
I just didn't think.
1239
01:17:58,996 --> 01:18:00,197
Well, how could you?
1240
01:18:00,564 --> 01:18:02,230
It's a crazy thing.
1241
01:18:02,232 --> 01:18:05,467
When someone closes up
their own fishing hole
1242
01:18:05,469 --> 01:18:07,037
before the, uh, spring thaw.
1243
01:18:07,905 --> 01:18:11,608
- You know, it's, it's sad.
- Yeah. Yeah.
1244
01:18:12,343 --> 01:18:13,911
- Did he leave a note?
- No.
1245
01:18:15,680 --> 01:18:17,680
Uh, maybe you should have this.
1246
01:18:17,682 --> 01:18:19,116
It, uh, it belonged to him.
1247
01:18:19,616 --> 01:18:21,983
- What is it?
- Uh, it's his joke book.
1248
01:18:21,985 --> 01:18:24,553
Has, like, jokes
and ideas and thoughts.
1249
01:18:24,555 --> 01:18:25,422
Oh.
1250
01:18:26,190 --> 01:18:27,558
So, like a diary?
1251
01:18:28,192 --> 01:18:29,259
Uh, a journal.
1252
01:18:30,327 --> 01:18:32,662
Perfect. Have you, have you
looked at any of it?
1253
01:18:32,664 --> 01:18:34,598
Uh, yeah, pretty much all of it.
1254
01:18:35,232 --> 01:18:36,431
Anything I need to see?
1255
01:18:36,433 --> 01:18:37,468
Probably not.
1256
01:18:38,402 --> 01:18:40,571
Well, if he gave it
to you then...
1257
01:18:44,108 --> 01:18:45,876
Sorry you had to go
through all this and all.
1258
01:18:46,243 --> 01:18:48,212
I need anything else,
I'll give you a call at home.
1259
01:18:49,346 --> 01:18:52,015
Uh, you know, actually,
I'm, I'm staying here.
1260
01:18:52,483 --> 01:18:53,450
Oh.
1261
01:18:54,318 --> 01:18:55,183
Yeah, no, it's just
for a few days.
1262
01:18:55,185 --> 01:18:57,588
You know, until
I can find a place.
1263
01:18:58,489 --> 01:18:59,390
Okay.
1264
01:19:00,023 --> 01:19:01,291
Say hi to Gary for me.
1265
01:19:13,637 --> 01:19:15,205
You fucking asshole.
1266
01:19:25,315 --> 01:19:26,383
Hey, uh.
1267
01:19:27,985 --> 01:19:29,451
What about his personal things?
1268
01:19:29,453 --> 01:19:32,154
Oh, well, they'll be
right up for those.
1269
01:19:32,156 --> 01:19:34,022
We should be all done
within a couple of hours
1270
01:19:34,024 --> 01:19:36,258
and then housekeeping
can come on in.
1271
01:19:36,260 --> 01:19:37,626
There wasn't a big
mess or anything,
1272
01:19:37,628 --> 01:19:39,327
just a little
throw up on the sheets.
1273
01:19:39,329 --> 01:19:41,329
But you might want
to tell them to give it
1274
01:19:41,331 --> 01:19:43,200
an extra pass, you know.
1275
01:20:30,180 --> 01:20:31,448
You fucking asshole.
1276
01:20:41,058 --> 01:20:42,092
Come along, dear.
1277
01:20:43,293 --> 01:20:45,193
Oh, welcome
to International Falls.
1278
01:20:45,195 --> 01:20:46,729
- Checking in?
- Hi.
1279
01:20:46,731 --> 01:20:48,430
Yes, please. One room.
1280
01:20:48,432 --> 01:20:49,734
- Ah, sure.
- Two beds.
1281
01:20:54,471 --> 01:20:55,773
Fucking asshole.
1282
01:21:12,356 --> 01:21:14,191
Go on,
there you go, keep going.
1283
01:21:15,760 --> 01:21:17,261
Okay, fingers and toes?
1284
01:21:18,763 --> 01:21:19,664
All right.
1285
01:21:21,465 --> 01:21:23,632
♪ On a stick that
Makes me sick ♪
1286
01:21:23,634 --> 01:21:27,235
♪ That makes my tummy
Go two, four, six ♪
1287
01:21:27,237 --> 01:21:30,205
♪ Not because it's dirty
Not because it's clean ♪
1288
01:21:30,207 --> 01:21:33,110
♪ Just because you kissed
A boy behind a magazine ♪
1289
01:21:33,644 --> 01:21:35,445
Hey!
1290
01:21:49,894 --> 01:21:52,193
Just saw a couple
riding a tandem bike
1291
01:21:52,195 --> 01:21:54,664
together unironically.
1292
01:21:54,666 --> 01:21:58,166
I will never be
that happy in my life.
1293
01:22:00,437 --> 01:22:02,072
That I don't try and be now.
1294
01:22:04,408 --> 01:22:05,810
If you're ready.
1295
01:22:07,812 --> 01:22:09,313
Yeah, okay.
1296
01:22:19,623 --> 01:22:21,558
Well, welcome
back to single life.
1297
01:22:43,480 --> 01:22:44,648
Did you take your break?
1298
01:22:45,683 --> 01:22:46,916
Nope.
1299
01:22:50,454 --> 01:22:53,725
Motherfuck,
it's so goddamn cold!
1300
01:22:55,392 --> 01:22:56,792
I mean, I've been
to Chicago a few times,
1301
01:22:56,794 --> 01:22:58,595
but this is fucking cold!
1302
01:22:59,296 --> 01:23:00,430
Pardon my French.
1303
01:23:00,832 --> 01:23:03,166
No, I know, I know, it is.
1304
01:23:03,533 --> 01:23:05,668
Bernie Bryce,
comedian for tonight.
1305
01:23:05,670 --> 01:23:07,304
Yeah, I, I figured.
1306
01:23:08,773 --> 01:23:11,141
Were you
guys here last week?
1307
01:23:12,576 --> 01:23:15,178
- Mm-hmm.
- Did you see the comic, Tim Fletcher?
1308
01:23:16,948 --> 01:23:19,449
- Yes.
- That fucking asshole.
1309
01:23:20,484 --> 01:23:22,754
He was a friend of mine.
Well, I considered him a friend.
1310
01:23:23,320 --> 01:23:24,954
I don't know what
he considered me, but.
1311
01:23:24,956 --> 01:23:27,923
You know what? I don't give
a fuck. We were friends.
1312
01:23:27,925 --> 01:23:30,627
We went on the road a few times,
stuff like that, you know?
1313
01:23:31,328 --> 01:23:33,863
I'm sorry, it must be hard.
1314
01:23:33,865 --> 01:23:34,899
Yeah.
1315
01:23:36,333 --> 01:23:37,632
It is.
1316
01:23:37,634 --> 01:23:38,535
Every time.
1317
01:23:42,439 --> 01:23:44,876
Hey, are you the one
who wants to be a comic?
1318
01:23:45,910 --> 01:23:48,643
- Um.
- Yeah, she is.
1319
01:23:48,645 --> 01:23:50,478
You know, uh,
Tim sent me an email,
1320
01:23:50,480 --> 01:23:51,716
he knew I was coming this week.
1321
01:23:52,917 --> 01:23:54,752
Said you were really funny
and I should give you some time.
1322
01:23:55,485 --> 01:23:56,819
- Time?
- Yeah.
1323
01:23:56,821 --> 01:23:58,353
Stage time.
1324
01:23:58,355 --> 01:23:59,256
You want it?
1325
01:23:59,957 --> 01:24:02,590
Uh... sure.
1326
01:24:02,592 --> 01:24:05,593
Well, right on. All right,
look. Five would be great,
1327
01:24:05,595 --> 01:24:07,797
ten will be even better,
but I'll take what I can get
1328
01:24:07,799 --> 01:24:09,801
and I'll give you
a 100 bucks out of what I make.
1329
01:24:11,334 --> 01:24:14,602
Okay, yeah, sure,
yes, sure, of course!
1330
01:24:14,604 --> 01:24:18,007
All right. All right,
you know the kid who's, uh, hosting?
1331
01:24:18,009 --> 01:24:20,408
- Yes.
- All right, well, can you fill him in?
1332
01:24:20,410 --> 01:24:22,011
- Sure thing.
- All right.
1333
01:24:22,013 --> 01:24:24,980
Yeah. Um, okay, so, uh,
here's your room. It's, uh,
1334
01:24:24,982 --> 01:24:26,548
it's room 219.
1335
01:24:26,550 --> 01:24:28,485
- And that's on the second floor?
- Right.
1336
01:24:31,555 --> 01:24:33,588
Hey, are there Canadians here?
1337
01:24:33,590 --> 01:24:35,290
'Cause I, I hate Canadians.
1338
01:24:35,292 --> 01:24:37,459
Uh, uh, yes,
there will be some.
1339
01:24:37,461 --> 01:24:39,797
Ah, Goddamn Canadians,
they suck at heckling.
1340
01:24:40,430 --> 01:24:42,064
Yeah, it's just
constructive criticism.
1341
01:24:44,836 --> 01:24:46,401
You're going
to be funny tonight.
1342
01:24:54,746 --> 01:24:57,512
Well, up first, uh,
tonight we have a hometown gal
1343
01:24:57,514 --> 01:24:59,347
making her standup comedy debut.
1344
01:24:59,349 --> 01:25:01,449
Uh, she insisted that
I say that so as
1345
01:25:01,451 --> 01:25:04,454
to lower the bar but, uh,
she won't need any help, she's great.
1346
01:25:04,889 --> 01:25:09,658
Please give a lot of love
to Miss Dee Williamson.
1347
01:25:09,660 --> 01:25:12,562
Go Dee!
1348
01:25:16,868 --> 01:25:20,370
Hi. Hi, everybody.
Oh, wait, one second.
1349
01:25:21,839 --> 01:25:22,940
Let's get this.
1350
01:25:23,908 --> 01:25:24,909
Uh...
1351
01:25:26,077 --> 01:25:27,644
I'm just going to record this.
1352
01:25:28,679 --> 01:25:30,880
This is going to be worth
a lot of money someday.
1353
01:25:30,882 --> 01:25:32,447
So, okay.
1354
01:25:32,449 --> 01:25:34,284
All right, well, okay.
1355
01:25:35,418 --> 01:25:36,286
All right.
1356
01:25:36,988 --> 01:25:39,857
All right, well, um, uh...
1357
01:25:40,590 --> 01:25:45,627
Hi, everybody. Thanks so much,
whoops, for coming out tonight, um.
1358
01:25:45,629 --> 01:25:51,969
As, what's his name said, this
is my first time doing this.
1359
01:25:52,937 --> 01:25:58,540
Um, you might know me from,
well, uh... anywhere,
1360
01:25:58,542 --> 01:26:03,645
uh, because there are
like five buildings in, uh, the town,
1361
01:26:03,647 --> 01:26:05,480
so we all know each other.
1362
01:26:05,482 --> 01:26:07,149
Which could hurt me,
you know, or help me
1363
01:26:07,151 --> 01:26:09,551
depending on if you're
friends with my ex-husband.
1364
01:26:09,553 --> 01:26:12,154
So I'm just going to take a little test, you know,
1365
01:26:12,156 --> 01:26:15,623
just take the temperature of
the room and see how it is.
1366
01:26:15,625 --> 01:26:17,061
You know,
see what I'm dealing with.
1367
01:26:17,895 --> 01:26:22,430
So, um, so, so,
my husband's penis is so small
1368
01:26:22,432 --> 01:26:23,966
that I got divorced this week.
1369
01:26:27,404 --> 01:26:29,537
Yeah, okay. Okay.
1370
01:26:29,539 --> 01:26:32,007
That's a good sign,
that's a good sign.
1371
01:26:32,009 --> 01:26:35,177
Um, I, I don't want to be too
mean because I recognize some of,
1372
01:26:35,179 --> 01:26:38,681
uh, I see like an old, uh,
high school hockey player
1373
01:26:38,683 --> 01:26:41,183
friend of his from, from way
back in the audience, right?
1374
01:26:41,185 --> 01:26:43,719
So you, so you already
know about his tiny dick.
1375
01:26:45,756 --> 01:26:47,656
Okay, so. Um.
1376
01:26:47,658 --> 01:26:50,693
Okay, so, my ex-husband
loves pornography. Loves it.
1377
01:26:50,695 --> 01:26:51,994
Loves it,
can't get enough of it.
1378
01:26:51,996 --> 01:26:53,865
The kind of porn that he's into
1379
01:26:54,631 --> 01:26:57,634
is, uh, it's called CFNM.
1380
01:26:59,036 --> 01:27:01,103
Clean Fingers Never
Masturbate, right?
1381
01:27:01,105 --> 01:27:02,707
I mean, right,
that's what that means.
1382
01:27:03,207 --> 01:27:05,506
Right, right? No, no.
1383
01:27:05,508 --> 01:27:10,380
It actually means
Clothed Female Naked Male.
1384
01:27:11,949 --> 01:27:14,216
I mean, it, it doesn't really matter to me.
I mean, we all know
1385
01:27:14,218 --> 01:27:16,085
he's watching it for
the big dicks, right?
1386
01:27:18,990 --> 01:27:21,625
Okay, so, uh.
1387
01:27:29,033 --> 01:27:31,168
No, um, actually.
1388
01:27:31,969 --> 01:27:35,706
Actually, I left my ex-husband,
uh, because he cheated on me.
1389
01:27:36,941 --> 01:27:39,643
Cheated on me.
Yeah, I know, I caught him.
1390
01:27:41,578 --> 01:27:42,780
CFNM.
1391
01:27:43,580 --> 01:27:45,814
Corn-Fed Narcissistic
Motherfucker.
1392
01:27:45,816 --> 01:27:47,151
That's what that means.
1393
01:27:47,952 --> 01:27:50,655
That's right.
So, um, so get this.
1394
01:27:51,689 --> 01:27:52,721
So get this.
1395
01:27:52,723 --> 01:27:53,991
I'm pumping my gas...
1396
01:27:55,192 --> 01:27:56,626
all on my own,
1397
01:27:57,862 --> 01:28:00,064
because now I'm divorced and
I'm free and I'm independent.
1398
01:28:00,865 --> 01:28:02,965
Guess who pulls up
right next to me,
1399
01:28:02,967 --> 01:28:04,135
while I'm at the gas station?
1400
01:28:05,202 --> 01:28:08,806
Guess who,
just take a wild stab.
1401
01:28:09,506 --> 01:28:13,144
I mean, I knew I was going
to see her eventually, right?
1402
01:28:14,211 --> 01:28:17,179
But only in this stupid
charming fucking little town
1403
01:28:17,181 --> 01:28:19,547
would it happen that fast.
1404
01:28:19,549 --> 01:28:21,684
I mean, so, yeah,
1405
01:28:21,686 --> 01:28:23,719
there she was
right in front of me.
1406
01:28:23,721 --> 01:28:25,156
So I did the mature thing...
1407
01:28:27,191 --> 01:28:29,894
and I follow her in.
1408
01:28:30,795 --> 01:28:31,963
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
1409
01:28:33,030 --> 01:28:34,763
I follow her in,
and when I get in there,
1410
01:28:34,765 --> 01:28:36,832
you know, she's not
in there and I'm thinking,
1411
01:28:36,834 --> 01:28:39,234
"Where did, where did
this girl go? Did she, uh,
1412
01:28:39,236 --> 01:28:41,138
did she just vanish
right back to hell?
1413
01:28:41,806 --> 01:28:43,205
Or she's in the bathroom
throwing up
1414
01:28:43,207 --> 01:28:45,606
to make more room
for my husband's semen."
1415
01:28:47,278 --> 01:28:49,878
There's like a bunch of
canes over here, like, by, uh,
1416
01:28:49,880 --> 01:28:51,747
you know, like
the kind of shit you see
1417
01:28:51,749 --> 01:28:55,684
in like, Cracker Barrel and
stuff. And so, I pick up a cane.
1418
01:28:55,686 --> 01:28:58,619
No fucking clue what
I'm going to say or do,
1419
01:28:58,621 --> 01:29:02,291
when yes, she opens the door.
1420
01:29:02,293 --> 01:29:05,763
And like, I mean,
I'm razor-focused on this bitch,
1421
01:29:06,130 --> 01:29:10,866
and she looks a bit startled,
if not a bit scared, right?
1422
01:29:10,868 --> 01:29:12,069
At what I'm going to do.
1423
01:29:12,970 --> 01:29:14,737
And I lay it on her with this.
1424
01:29:19,844 --> 01:29:20,878
Is this yours?
1425
01:29:22,213 --> 01:29:23,147
No.
1426
01:29:23,981 --> 01:29:25,648
Oh, oh, okay.
1427
01:29:26,017 --> 01:29:27,018
Okay.
1428
01:29:28,252 --> 01:29:29,854
But then
all of a sudden this...
1429
01:29:31,722 --> 01:29:37,728
this wall of shit smell
comes all over my body,
1430
01:29:38,329 --> 01:29:43,065
up into my nostrils...
and into my lungs,
1431
01:29:43,067 --> 01:29:46,170
and I'm thinking, "Oh, my God."
1432
01:29:46,871 --> 01:29:48,603
And I look at her and I say:
1433
01:29:48,605 --> 01:29:50,839
Wait. You poop
1434
01:29:50,841 --> 01:29:52,808
in gas station bathrooms?
1435
01:29:57,248 --> 01:29:59,081
You're disgusting!
1436
01:30:03,354 --> 01:30:04,255
All right.
1437
01:30:06,157 --> 01:30:07,790
And then I beat her
to death with the cane.
1438
01:30:16,233 --> 01:30:17,134
I did.
1439
01:30:18,269 --> 01:30:21,571
I did, you guys. That cane is
nowhere to be found now.
1440
01:30:22,039 --> 01:30:25,076
I don't know where it is, but if it
ever comes back to me, it ain't mine.
1441
01:30:25,810 --> 01:30:26,909
No, uh.
1442
01:30:37,421 --> 01:30:39,154
- No.
- Stay away!
1443
01:30:39,156 --> 01:30:40,658
Get away!
1444
01:30:50,134 --> 01:30:53,669
So, yes, I'm a freshly divorced
mother of two,
1445
01:30:53,671 --> 01:30:57,039
with an alarmingly low amount
of menstrual cycles left,
1446
01:30:57,041 --> 01:31:00,375
embarking on a comedy
career in standup.
1447
01:31:00,377 --> 01:31:03,946
That's right. That's right, fellas,
1448
01:31:03,948 --> 01:31:06,215
the line starts right here.
1449
01:31:06,217 --> 01:31:07,382
It's right here.
1450
01:31:07,384 --> 01:31:08,319
CFNM?
1451
01:31:08,886 --> 01:31:11,453
Clitoris Finds New Meaning.
1452
01:31:13,290 --> 01:31:15,124
But I should really
warn you guys.
1453
01:31:15,126 --> 01:31:17,126
I mean, seriously,
I really need to warn you guys
1454
01:31:17,128 --> 01:31:21,098
that the, the, uh,
the last man I fucked
1455
01:31:21,732 --> 01:31:23,367
committed suicide right after.
1456
01:31:26,170 --> 01:31:28,837
Now, if that's not a mindfuck,
I don't know what is.
1457
01:31:28,839 --> 01:31:32,007
I mean, I get it. I, I get it,
you don't want a second date.
1458
01:31:36,413 --> 01:31:39,181
I was a little depressed,
after that,
1459
01:31:39,183 --> 01:31:42,753
you know, in fairness,
I was, you know? You know?
1460
01:31:43,154 --> 01:31:45,454
I mean, driving a man
to his death just from
1461
01:31:45,456 --> 01:31:47,990
the sheer disappointment
of fucking me?
1462
01:31:50,861 --> 01:31:54,396
It's harsh, it's harsh.
I mean, my God.
1463
01:31:54,398 --> 01:31:57,933
But then I changed my mind,
'cause I thought
1464
01:31:57,935 --> 01:32:00,903
maybe after we, you know,
we, we put on our clothes
1465
01:32:00,905 --> 01:32:04,375
and said our goodbyes,
that he had a thought,
1466
01:32:05,109 --> 01:32:06,777
you know,
and that he realized...
1467
01:32:08,012 --> 01:32:09,945
it's never going to get
any better than that.
1468
01:32:09,947 --> 01:32:12,781
Right?
1469
01:32:12,783 --> 01:32:15,951
I mean, I made a bucket list
1470
01:32:15,953 --> 01:32:17,920
and a fuck it list in one night.
1471
01:32:17,922 --> 01:32:20,758
I, I am the pinnacle.
1472
01:32:21,325 --> 01:32:24,195
I am Everest.
1473
01:32:25,196 --> 01:32:27,031
The Aurora Borealis.
1474
01:32:27,798 --> 01:32:28,966
The Grand Canyon.
1475
01:32:29,967 --> 01:32:32,234
Seriously, I've had two children.
1476
01:32:32,236 --> 01:32:38,073
I mean, once you've had me...
there's no reason to go on.
1477
01:32:40,544 --> 01:32:42,146
But please, folks...
1478
01:32:43,847 --> 01:32:44,882
please.
1479
01:32:49,954 --> 01:32:50,988
Try.