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1
00:00:11,694 --> 00:00:15,056
Let me try and clarify
some of this for you.

2
00:00:15,156 --> 00:00:17,142
Best Company Supermarkets

3
00:00:17,242 --> 00:00:19,894
are not interested
in selling wholesome foods.

4
00:00:19,994 --> 00:00:23,231
They are not worried
about the nation's health.

5
00:00:23,331 --> 00:00:25,874
What is concerning them
is that the nation

6
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:28,820
appears to be getting
worried about its health.

7
00:00:28,920 --> 00:00:31,698
And that is what's worrying Best Co,

8
00:00:31,798 --> 00:00:35,577
because Best Co wants to go on
selling them what it always has,

9
00:00:35,677 --> 00:00:40,957
ie, white breads,
baked beans, canned foods

10
00:00:41,057 --> 00:00:44,461
and that suppurating,
fat-squirting little heart attack

11
00:00:44,561 --> 00:00:48,214
traditionally known
as the British sausage.

12
00:00:48,314 --> 00:00:51,968
So, how can we help them with that?

13
00:00:52,068 --> 00:00:55,680
Clearly, we are looking for a label.

14
00:00:55,780 --> 00:00:58,433
We need a label brimming with health.

15
00:00:58,533 --> 00:01:01,978
And everything from a nosh pot
to a white sliced

16
00:01:02,078 --> 00:01:04,731
will wear one with pride.

17
00:01:04,831 --> 00:01:08,068
And although I'm aware of the difficulties
of coming to terms with this,

18
00:01:08,168 --> 00:01:11,529
it must be appreciated
from the beginning

19
00:01:11,629 --> 00:01:15,116
that even the nosh pot
must be low in something.

20
00:01:15,216 --> 00:01:18,453
And if it isn't, it must be
high in something else.

21
00:01:18,553 --> 00:01:24,266
And that is its health-giving
ingredient we will sell.

22
00:01:25,310 --> 00:01:27,378
Which brings me to my final question.

23
00:01:27,478 --> 00:01:29,923
Who are we trying to sell this to?

24
00:01:30,023 --> 00:01:32,258
Answer, we are trying to sell this

25
00:01:32,358 --> 00:01:35,178
to the archetypal, average housewife,

26
00:01:35,278 --> 00:01:37,738
she who fills her basket.

27
00:01:38,364 --> 00:01:42,310
What you have here
is a 22-year-old pretty girl.

28
00:01:42,410 --> 00:01:44,854
What you need is a taut slob,

29
00:01:44,954 --> 00:01:48,441
something on foot deodorisers
in a brassière.

30
00:01:48,541 --> 00:01:51,277
I... I'm not quite sure we can
go along with that, Mr Bagley.

31
00:01:51,377 --> 00:01:53,029
If you look at the market research...

32
00:01:53,129 --> 00:01:55,490
I don't need to look
at the market research.

33
00:01:55,590 --> 00:01:58,493
I've lived with 13 and a half
million housewives for 15 years.

34
00:01:58,593 --> 00:02:01,913
I know everything about them.
She's 37 years old.

35
00:02:02,013 --> 00:02:05,416
She has 2.3 children,
1.6 of which will be girls.

36
00:02:05,516 --> 00:02:08,837
She uses 16 feet six inches
of toilet tissue a week

37
00:02:08,937 --> 00:02:11,381
and fucks no more
than 4.2 times a month.

38
00:02:11,481 --> 00:02:14,717
She has seven radiators
and is worried about her weight,

39
00:02:14,817 --> 00:02:16,761
which is why we have her on a diet.

40
00:02:16,861 --> 00:02:18,263
And because we have her on a diet,

41
00:02:18,363 --> 00:02:21,683
we also encourage her
to reward herself with little treats,

42
00:02:21,783 --> 00:02:23,184
and she deserves them.

43
00:02:23,284 --> 00:02:25,937
Because anyone existing
on 1,200 calories

44
00:02:26,037 --> 00:02:29,149
of artificial, synthetic,
orange-flavoured waffle a day

45
00:02:29,249 --> 00:02:31,901
deserves a little treat.

46
00:02:32,001 --> 00:02:34,404
"We know it's naughty,
but you do deserve it.

47
00:02:34,504 --> 00:02:36,739
"Go on, darling, swallow a bun."

48
00:02:36,839 --> 00:02:38,032
And she does.

49
00:02:38,132 --> 00:02:40,952
And the instant she does,
the guilt cuts in.

50
00:02:41,052 --> 00:02:43,788
So here we are again with our diet.

51
00:02:43,888 --> 00:02:46,457
It's a vicious,
but quite wonderful circle,

52
00:02:46,557 --> 00:02:49,335
and it adheres to only one rule.

53
00:02:49,435 --> 00:02:51,671
"Whatever it is, sell it."

54
00:02:51,771 --> 00:02:55,524
If you want to stay in advertising,
by God, you'd better learn that.

55
00:02:57,986 --> 00:03:02,473
Bagley. Look, it's not in my nature to be
a pain in the arse with such consistency.

56
00:03:02,573 --> 00:03:04,767
It's being forced on me.
I just had them on the phone.

57
00:03:04,867 --> 00:03:07,228
They are phoning me back.
I've got to give them something.

58
00:03:07,328 --> 00:03:09,647
- Tell them it'll be wonderful. Hi, Harry.
- All right?

59
00:03:09,747 --> 00:03:11,149
I did. They're over the moon.

60
00:03:11,249 --> 00:03:14,861
Apart from 15 calls a day wondering where
the fuck it is, they couldn't be happier.

61
00:03:14,961 --> 00:03:18,031
They're getting impatient. We promised
them the animatic over a week ago.

62
00:03:18,131 --> 00:03:20,658
I'll be frank with you, Bagley.
I'm running out of bullshit.

63
00:03:20,758 --> 00:03:23,703
- Try massaging your temples.
- I've got to give them a date.

64
00:03:23,803 --> 00:03:26,748
Either a date or you give me some idea
of what you're coming up with.

65
00:03:26,848 --> 00:03:30,001
I'm coming up with a brilliant advertisement
for a very dull pimple cream.

66
00:03:30,101 --> 00:03:33,379
Then why can't I take a look?
Why can't I see something?

67
00:03:33,479 --> 00:03:35,298
You know, just a storyboard
or some roughs,

68
00:03:35,398 --> 00:03:38,301
anything so as I can give them
an idea of the direction you're going in.

69
00:03:38,401 --> 00:03:40,011
No. I don't show work in progress.

70
00:03:40,111 --> 00:03:42,222
- Any calls?
- Mr Bristol called again, twice.

71
00:03:42,322 --> 00:03:44,891
- I hope you told him I was out.
- Yes, Mr Bagley. You were out.

72
00:03:44,991 --> 00:03:48,978
- Good. If he calls again, I'm still out.
- Bagley, you have got to give me a date.

73
00:03:49,078 --> 00:03:51,898
All right, try Monday on him.
And don't get so panicky.

74
00:03:51,998 --> 00:03:56,418
Nobody ever remembers a late delivery,
Richard. They only remember a bad one.

75
00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:03,284
Boil busters. The boil busters.

76
00:04:03,384 --> 00:04:06,454
Your face can be a battleground.

77
00:04:06,554 --> 00:04:09,249
You need something tough.

78
00:04:09,349 --> 00:04:11,350
Jesus.

79
00:04:22,612 --> 00:04:25,098
What do they want
another pimple cream for?

80
00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:26,724
The market's saturated.

81
00:04:26,824 --> 00:04:29,659
There's a lot of boils
out there, Bagley.

82
00:04:34,707 --> 00:04:38,194
"Nobody cares as much
about your skin as you do,

83
00:04:38,294 --> 00:04:40,571
"but we do try.

84
00:04:40,671 --> 00:04:43,199
"And because we care,

85
00:04:43,299 --> 00:04:46,160
"we went to an expert -

86
00:04:46,260 --> 00:04:48,538
"Mother Nature -

87
00:04:48,638 --> 00:04:52,000
"and we discovered that sometimes,
the most effective way

88
00:04:52,100 --> 00:04:55,044
"of dealing with those
troublesome little breakouts

89
00:04:55,144 --> 00:04:59,898
"is Mother Nature's own
richest source of Vitamin A.

90
00:05:01,567 --> 00:05:06,389
"So we took essential oils

91
00:05:06,489 --> 00:05:10,992
"of carrot, marigold seed...

92
00:05:13,329 --> 00:05:18,276
"roots and other natural ingredients,

93
00:05:18,376 --> 00:05:21,446
"and we packed this shit
into every tube.

94
00:05:21,546 --> 00:05:24,407
"We called it HP Megaventure.

95
00:05:24,507 --> 00:05:26,492
"And if it doesn't work
on your blackheads,

96
00:05:26,592 --> 00:05:28,494
"you can spread the fucker on toast!"

97
00:05:30,721 --> 00:05:32,290
Sorry to disturb you, Mr Bagley,

98
00:05:32,390 --> 00:05:34,083
but Mr Bristol's on the line again.

99
00:05:34,183 --> 00:05:37,045
- Tell him I'm out again.
- He says he knows you're not.

100
00:05:37,145 --> 00:05:41,257
He says he knows you're avoiding him
and he says he insists on a time to see you.

101
00:05:41,357 --> 00:05:43,760
Oh, for Christ's sake, give me a break.

102
00:05:43,860 --> 00:05:46,721
All right, tell him this afternoon.
Four o'clock this afternoon.

103
00:05:46,821 --> 00:05:50,031
- And get my wife on the phone.
- Yes, Mr Bagley.

104
00:05:58,791 --> 00:06:02,945
"Hi. My name's Barbara Simmons,

105
00:06:03,045 --> 00:06:05,323
"and I'm a biochemist.

106
00:06:05,423 --> 00:06:08,034
"But at night, I'm a woman,

107
00:06:08,134 --> 00:06:11,788
"and I want my skin to be at its best.

108
00:06:11,888 --> 00:06:16,542
"So I recommend a new product.

109
00:06:16,642 --> 00:06:19,045
"It's called...

110
00:06:19,145 --> 00:06:21,005
"whatever the fuck it's called,

111
00:06:21,105 --> 00:06:24,384
"and I use whatever the fuck it is

112
00:06:24,484 --> 00:06:27,360
"because I know it works.

113
00:06:28,613 --> 00:06:30,681
"And I should know,

114
00:06:30,781 --> 00:06:34,770
"because I make it."

115
00:06:34,870 --> 00:06:37,245
Mrs Bagley on line one.

116
00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:40,233
What do you want!

117
00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:42,375
Yes, I'm sorry, darling. I know I did.

118
00:06:44,253 --> 00:06:46,614
Listen, I don't think
I'm gonna make it back tonight.

119
00:06:46,714 --> 00:06:48,908
I'm gonna blitz it.

120
00:06:49,008 --> 00:06:52,412
Oh, no, fine, fine. It's going fine.

121
00:06:52,512 --> 00:06:55,013
It's just, the deadline's
getting serious.

122
00:06:55,806 --> 00:06:57,834
Really?

123
00:06:57,934 --> 00:07:01,228
Well, we could meet for lunch,
celebrate my breakthrough.

124
00:07:02,688 --> 00:07:05,398
OK, one o'clock.

125
00:07:06,108 --> 00:07:09,444
- You're chain-smoking, darling.
- I know I am. I know I am.

126
00:07:10,446 --> 00:07:14,058
I'd like another vodka martini,
dry as a bone, twist, no olive.

127
00:07:14,158 --> 00:07:16,493
Spritzer, please.

128
00:07:17,286 --> 00:07:19,564
I tell you, Julia, I'm out of my mind.

129
00:07:19,664 --> 00:07:21,649
I'm getting nowhere. Zero.

130
00:07:21,749 --> 00:07:25,403
Stop getting so wound up
about it. It'll come.

131
00:07:25,503 --> 00:07:29,256
And please put that cigarette out.
That's three in ten minutes.

132
00:07:30,091 --> 00:07:34,579
Darling, why don't you forget it a minute?
Take the afternoon off.

133
00:07:34,679 --> 00:07:37,498
- I can't. I've got to see Bristol.
- You're not gonna be much use.

134
00:07:37,598 --> 00:07:39,208
Oh, that's where you're wrong, Julia.

135
00:07:39,308 --> 00:07:42,712
That's what's so insane about all this.
Anything else, I'm fine.

136
00:07:42,812 --> 00:07:45,214
Any other part of the human body,
I'll sell it something.

137
00:07:45,314 --> 00:07:47,175
Give me a bald head,
and I'll sell it shampoo.

138
00:07:47,275 --> 00:07:50,720
- I cannot get a handle on the boils.
- Pass me the butter, please, darling.

139
00:07:50,820 --> 00:07:52,722
The moment I think of a boil,

140
00:07:52,822 --> 00:07:55,975
my mind slips into
a sort of dreadful, oily neutral.

141
00:07:56,075 --> 00:07:58,227
I just sit there, hour after hour,

142
00:07:58,327 --> 00:08:00,980
chewing the ends off pencils,
smoking myself daft.

143
00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:03,816
- What exactly is this stuff?
- It's a standard.

144
00:08:03,916 --> 00:08:06,986
16 to 26-year-old acne attacker.
It's a hexafluoride.

145
00:08:07,086 --> 00:08:09,906
- Does it work?
- No idea. It's probably junk.

146
00:08:10,006 --> 00:08:11,782
Well, that's probably the problem.

147
00:08:11,882 --> 00:08:15,369
If you knew it actually got rid of boils,
you'd have no problem selling it.

148
00:08:15,469 --> 00:08:17,705
Nobody in advertising
wants to get rid of boils, Julia.

149
00:08:17,805 --> 00:08:19,582
They're good little money spinners.

150
00:08:19,682 --> 00:08:23,169
All we want to do is offer hope of getting
rid of them. And that's where I'm blocked!

151
00:08:23,269 --> 00:08:25,129
- Where's our drinks?
- They're coming, sir.

152
00:08:25,229 --> 00:08:28,299
Well, I really do think you should
cancel Bristol and come home with me.

153
00:08:28,399 --> 00:08:32,762
I can't. I've been cancelling him all week.
Why can't we cancel this dinner?

154
00:08:32,862 --> 00:08:34,388
I'm not in the mood for that mob.

155
00:08:34,488 --> 00:08:37,517
If I had known we were having dinner,
I'd never have suggested lunch.

156
00:08:37,617 --> 00:08:39,936
We can have both. People do, darling.

157
00:08:40,036 --> 00:08:43,814
- I suppose Wheelstock will be there.
- Don't take it out on Penny.

158
00:08:43,914 --> 00:08:45,274
Christ, what am I going to do?

159
00:08:45,374 --> 00:08:48,110
Dennis, for goodness' sake,
stop getting so paranoid.

160
00:08:48,210 --> 00:08:52,281
Everything will be all right. You've had
these sort of problems many times before.

161
00:08:52,381 --> 00:08:54,283
- Not like this, I haven't.
- Oh, yes you have.

162
00:08:54,383 --> 00:08:56,285
You had a terrible time with piles.

163
00:08:56,385 --> 00:08:58,913
I did not have
a terrible time with piles.

164
00:08:59,013 --> 00:09:01,207
I may have had a problem
getting ahold of them,

165
00:09:01,307 --> 00:09:04,126
- but selling them was a piece of cake.
- You're raising your voice.

166
00:09:04,226 --> 00:09:06,712
Compared to this,
piles were a birthday present.

167
00:09:06,812 --> 00:09:10,550
- So was dandruff. So was breath.
- You're still raising your voice.

168
00:09:10,650 --> 00:09:14,053
The whole lot taken together,
including the fucking lawnmowers,

169
00:09:14,153 --> 00:09:17,781
is as nothing compared
to the pimples, acne and boils!

170
00:09:21,786 --> 00:09:23,729
I don't want to go back in there.

171
00:09:23,829 --> 00:09:26,190
Don't worry about it.
Don't think about boils.

172
00:09:26,290 --> 00:09:29,402
If a boil pops up, force yourself
to think of something else.

173
00:09:29,502 --> 00:09:32,196
- OK.
- And don't go near your office.

174
00:09:32,296 --> 00:09:34,506
Just see Bristol and come home.

175
00:09:40,096 --> 00:09:43,973
- Are you sure you can't wait for me?
- Sorry, I can't, darling.

176
00:10:18,718 --> 00:10:21,662
Get Bristol on the line and
tell him I'm coming in to see him now.

177
00:10:22,462 --> 00:10:25,273
Yeah. Have him call me later.

178
00:10:25,975 --> 00:10:29,045
Sorry to keep you waiting, Bagley.
I didn't expect you till four o'clock.

179
00:10:29,145 --> 00:10:31,297
- Here, take a look at this.
- What is it?

180
00:10:31,397 --> 00:10:34,675
It's a photostat of an arse
from a copying machine.

181
00:10:34,775 --> 00:10:37,777
- Don't recognise it, do you?
- Not offhand, no.

182
00:10:38,362 --> 00:10:41,349
You gave the juniors
a bit of a tongue-lashing yesterday.

183
00:10:41,449 --> 00:10:43,434
- Really?
- Said you went over the top.

184
00:10:43,534 --> 00:10:46,562
I haven't got time
to give lessons in advertising.

185
00:10:46,662 --> 00:10:48,606
They asked my opinion, and I gave it.

186
00:10:48,706 --> 00:10:51,609
In my opinion,
they'd completely missed the brief.

187
00:10:51,709 --> 00:10:54,153
I think you're probably right.
Not now, Sheila.

188
00:10:54,253 --> 00:10:58,032
As a matter of fact, I think you
helped them out. About 15 minutes.

189
00:10:58,132 --> 00:11:01,634
Anyway. That's not actually
what I wanted to talk about.

190
00:11:02,344 --> 00:11:05,581
How are we getting on
with the pimple cream?

191
00:11:05,681 --> 00:11:07,333
Five minutes.

192
00:11:07,433 --> 00:11:10,044
Is it special? 555-0472.

193
00:11:10,144 --> 00:11:12,588
- Sensational.
- Can you give me a verbal peek?

194
00:11:12,688 --> 00:11:15,257
- You know me, John. I'd rather not.
- That's what I thought.

195
00:11:15,357 --> 00:11:18,260
No, Los Angeles 555-0472.

196
00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:21,013
I'm very pleased to hear it,
because I'll tell you frankly,

197
00:11:21,113 --> 00:11:24,058
they were on the phone this morning,
threatening to pull the account.

198
00:11:24,158 --> 00:11:26,185
Anyone but you and they would.

199
00:11:26,285 --> 00:11:30,314
It's finished. Just a fine-tune.
I'll be through over the weekend.

200
00:11:30,414 --> 00:11:32,149
Can we diarise on that?

201
00:11:32,249 --> 00:11:35,653
- Of course.
- Wonderful. Wonderful.

202
00:11:35,753 --> 00:11:38,114
Yes. Put him through.

203
00:11:38,214 --> 00:11:41,283
Mmm? Mm-hm.

204
00:11:41,383 --> 00:11:43,676
Really? Why so fast?

205
00:11:45,179 --> 00:11:47,180
Really?

206
00:11:47,723 --> 00:11:52,211
What happened to Seymour,
Hickwash, Bone, Riddle and Gore?

207
00:11:52,311 --> 00:11:54,395
Really?

208
00:11:55,523 --> 00:11:58,300
What about OCDS?

209
00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:01,220
Wh... Is it a kipper?

210
00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:04,974
Oh, that's interesting.
What a complete range of dinners.

211
00:12:05,074 --> 00:12:07,768
Frozen kippers...
Just hang on a second, Bagley.

212
00:12:07,868 --> 00:12:10,062
No. He's here now. I'll ask him.

213
00:12:10,162 --> 00:12:13,607
No, no, he's finished.
He'll be through Monday, for sure.

214
00:12:13,707 --> 00:12:15,943
Hang on a sec, Eddie.

215
00:12:16,043 --> 00:12:19,655
Can you handle a Monday pitch?
It's a quickie. You'd have to go in dry.

216
00:12:19,755 --> 00:12:22,090
- What's the product?
- It's a boil-in-a-bag.

217
00:12:24,218 --> 00:12:26,370
- You all right. Bagley?
- Yes, I'm fine.

218
00:12:26,470 --> 00:12:30,098
Tell him OK. I'll be in
first thing Monday morning.

219
00:12:33,269 --> 00:12:35,671
You must stop worrying.

220
00:12:35,771 --> 00:12:40,009
If a boil pops up, force yourself
to think of something else.

221
00:12:40,109 --> 00:12:41,552
You're absolutely right.

222
00:12:41,652 --> 00:12:44,096
I'm absolutely not
gonna think about boils,

223
00:12:44,196 --> 00:12:48,851
large boils, blind boils or fat girls' boils,
till ten o'clock tomorrow morning.

224
00:12:48,951 --> 00:12:54,747
What about large, blind,
fat girls with boils?

225
00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:09,455
I see the police have made
another lightning raid.

226
00:13:09,555 --> 00:13:11,582
- Paddington drug orgy.
- Huh.

227
00:13:11,682 --> 00:13:14,168
I suppose young girls was involved?

228
00:13:14,268 --> 00:13:17,129
"One discovered naked in the kitchen,

229
00:13:17,229 --> 00:13:19,298
"breasts smeared with peanut butter.

230
00:13:19,398 --> 00:13:24,512
"The police took away a bag containing
15 grams of cannabis resin.

231
00:13:24,612 --> 00:13:28,349
"It may also contain
a quantity of heroin."

232
00:13:28,449 --> 00:13:30,810
Or a pork pie.

233
00:13:30,910 --> 00:13:32,478
I beg your pardon?

234
00:13:32,578 --> 00:13:36,539
I said, the bag may also
have contained a pork pie.

235
00:13:37,541 --> 00:13:39,902
I hardly see a pork pie's
got anything to do with it.

236
00:13:40,002 --> 00:13:43,447
All right, then,
what about a large turnip?

237
00:13:43,547 --> 00:13:45,866
It may also have contained a big turnip.

238
00:13:45,966 --> 00:13:48,577
- The bag was full of drugs.
- Nonsense.

239
00:13:48,677 --> 00:13:50,871
The bag was full of drugs! It says so!

240
00:13:50,971 --> 00:13:53,082
The bag could have been
full of anything.

241
00:13:53,182 --> 00:13:55,709
Pork pies, turnips, oven parts.

242
00:13:55,809 --> 00:13:58,087
- It's the oldest trick in the book.
- What book?

243
00:13:58,187 --> 00:14:00,965
The distortion of truth
by association book.

244
00:14:01,065 --> 00:14:02,758
The word is "may".

245
00:14:02,858 --> 00:14:06,762
You all believe heroin was in the bag
because cannabis resin was in the bag.

246
00:14:06,862 --> 00:14:08,931
The bag may have contained heroin,

247
00:14:09,031 --> 00:14:11,308
but the chances are 100 to one
certain that it didn't.

248
00:14:11,408 --> 00:14:13,477
Lot more likely than what you say.

249
00:14:13,577 --> 00:14:16,021
About as likely
as the tits spread with peanut butter.

250
00:14:16,121 --> 00:14:18,607
- Do you mind?
- The tits were spread with peanut butter!

251
00:14:18,707 --> 00:14:20,150
- Nonsense.
- It says so!

252
00:14:20,250 --> 00:14:22,987
Who's the man you are to think
you know more about it than the press?

253
00:14:23,087 --> 00:14:26,949
I'm an expert on tits.
Tits and peanut butter.

254
00:14:27,049 --> 00:14:29,118
I'm also an expert drug pusher.

255
00:14:29,218 --> 00:14:32,538
- I've been pushing drugs for 20 years.
- Look here, I've had enough of this!

256
00:14:32,638 --> 00:14:35,583
And I can tell you,
a pusher protects his pitch.

257
00:14:35,683 --> 00:14:38,627
We wanna sell 'em cigarettes
and don't like competition, see?

258
00:14:38,727 --> 00:14:41,547
So we associate
a relatively innocuous drug

259
00:14:41,647 --> 00:14:43,507
with one that is extremely dangerous.

260
00:14:43,607 --> 00:14:46,844
And the rags go along with it because
they adore the dough from the ads.

261
00:14:46,944 --> 00:14:49,221
I've had enough of this.
I'm getting off at Thatchet.

262
00:14:49,321 --> 00:14:52,099
Getting off at Thatchet won't help you.
Getting off anywhere won't.

263
00:14:52,199 --> 00:14:54,935
I've had an octopus squatting
on my brain for a fortnight,

264
00:14:55,035 --> 00:14:57,438
and I suddenly see that
I am the only one that can help you.

265
00:14:57,538 --> 00:14:59,523
It would be pointless
to go into the reasons why,

266
00:14:59,623 --> 00:15:02,067
but I've been worried sick
about boils for a fortnight.

267
00:15:02,167 --> 00:15:05,821
Large boils, small boils, fast eruptors.
They're incurable, all of them.

268
00:15:05,921 --> 00:15:07,615
I know that, and so does everybody else.

269
00:15:07,715 --> 00:15:10,117
Until they get one.
Then the rules suddenly change.

270
00:15:10,217 --> 00:15:13,078
With a boil on the nose,
there's a sudden overnight surge in faith.

271
00:15:13,178 --> 00:15:14,997
They wanna believe something will work.

272
00:15:15,097 --> 00:15:18,125
He knows that, which is why
he gets a good look in with the dying.

273
00:15:18,225 --> 00:15:20,002
Sell some hope, you see?

274
00:15:20,102 --> 00:15:22,212
But these boys would be full-time
into real estate

275
00:15:22,312 --> 00:15:24,397
if anyone came up
with a genuine cure for death!

276
00:15:24,523 --> 00:15:26,467
Good God, this is a madman!

277
00:15:26,567 --> 00:15:29,136
What do you know about God,
you wire-haired Mick?

278
00:15:29,236 --> 00:15:31,972
Here, have 'em. I've given up.

279
00:15:40,456 --> 00:15:43,901
- What on earth are you doing?
- I'm reading a newspaper.

280
00:15:44,001 --> 00:15:45,861
We're in the middle of a dinner party.

281
00:15:45,961 --> 00:15:50,157
I'm sorry. I can't bear
that great, pompous herbivore in there.

282
00:15:50,257 --> 00:15:52,868
I'm sick of hearing
about her soya proteins.

283
00:15:52,968 --> 00:15:55,496
You might at least
make a bit of an effort.

284
00:15:55,596 --> 00:15:59,583
At least sit at the table.
Bring the cream.

285
00:15:59,683 --> 00:16:02,810
- Both breasts and the leg removed?
- When all's said and done,

286
00:16:02,936 --> 00:16:05,422
it's perfectly obvious
most girls love being on the pill.

287
00:16:05,522 --> 00:16:06,757
What utter balls, Jonathan.

288
00:16:06,857 --> 00:16:09,426
Do you think women like
filling their bodies with chemicals?

289
00:16:09,526 --> 00:16:13,138
- We're talking about eels, darling.
- Yes, it is most extraordinary.

290
00:16:13,238 --> 00:16:15,557
Apparently, by the year 2000,

291
00:16:15,657 --> 00:16:19,311
the level of oestrogen in the sea
will be as much as two parts per million.

292
00:16:19,411 --> 00:16:21,146
So many women taking the pill, you see.

293
00:16:21,246 --> 00:16:23,691
The problem is,
it's starting to mess up the fish.

294
00:16:23,791 --> 00:16:26,235
- They're breeding in the sea.
- I thought fish did.

295
00:16:26,335 --> 00:16:29,154
Not eels, darling. Eels breed in rivers.

296
00:16:29,254 --> 00:16:31,714
I think men should bleed.

297
00:16:35,844 --> 00:16:38,247
What a disgusting thing to say!

298
00:16:38,347 --> 00:16:40,082
You find bleeding disgusting, do you?

299
00:16:40,182 --> 00:16:42,543
Not particularly.
Just the way you said it.

300
00:16:42,643 --> 00:16:45,504
That horrible sneer
and mouth full of nuts.

301
00:16:45,604 --> 00:16:47,798
Darling, Penny is our guest.

302
00:16:47,898 --> 00:16:52,136
Women, I might inform you,
take that primitive device called the pill

303
00:16:52,236 --> 00:16:53,887
because it's all they've got.

304
00:16:53,987 --> 00:16:56,223
They don't like it.
I personally abhor it.

305
00:16:56,323 --> 00:16:58,684
But, unfortunately, it's all we've got.

306
00:16:58,784 --> 00:17:01,979
- In what context?
- In the context of bed.

307
00:17:02,079 --> 00:17:03,996
I'm surprised you need to bother.

308
00:17:09,795 --> 00:17:12,031
Cointreau, anyone?

309
00:17:12,131 --> 00:17:16,952
Darling, I know you're having
a very difficult time at the moment,

310
00:17:17,052 --> 00:17:20,456
and I know you've had rather a lot
to drink and didn't mean what you said.

311
00:17:20,556 --> 00:17:24,084
But Penny is our guest
and I'd like you to apologise.

312
00:17:24,184 --> 00:17:28,422
He doesn't need to apologise. Those kinds
of sexist attitudes are beyond apology.

313
00:17:28,522 --> 00:17:30,106
What do you mean by that?

314
00:17:31,525 --> 00:17:33,927
Do you really think I don't understand?

315
00:17:34,027 --> 00:17:38,974
You dislike me because I'm not one
of those starved little tarts you exploit.

316
00:17:39,074 --> 00:17:41,143
I don't rush out
and buy your latest makeup.

317
00:17:41,243 --> 00:17:44,730
I have a mind of my own.
And I have a body of my own

318
00:17:44,830 --> 00:17:49,318
that doesn't fit into the preconceived
patterns men like you dictate.

319
00:17:49,418 --> 00:17:52,071
- You mean you're fat.
- Yes, I'm fat!

320
00:17:52,171 --> 00:17:54,323
And you're perfectly at liberty
to hate me for it.

321
00:17:54,423 --> 00:17:56,992
You're quite wrong.
I don't dislike you because of that.

322
00:17:57,092 --> 00:18:00,996
I wouldn't care if you were so huge
we had to put up scaffolding to feed you.

323
00:18:01,096 --> 00:18:03,540
Oh, for God's sake,
let's not have a row.

324
00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:07,044
- Why not? Why shouldn't we have a row?
- Because nobody wants one!

325
00:18:07,144 --> 00:18:09,963
- You're being completely irrational.
- Irrational?

326
00:18:10,063 --> 00:18:14,301
We're all prepared to sit here
discussing mung beans and soya protein,

327
00:18:14,401 --> 00:18:16,678
but if anybody touches on
anything real, it's irrational?

328
00:18:16,778 --> 00:18:20,390
Right, then, you're being rude.
Unutterably rude and a bore!

329
00:18:20,490 --> 00:18:23,102
- Bagley, come and have a drink.
- I've had a drink, thank you.

330
00:18:23,202 --> 00:18:24,869
Now I'm going to have another.

331
00:18:27,873 --> 00:18:30,067
- Do you wear Y-fronts?
- Don't tell him.

332
00:18:30,167 --> 00:18:31,735
I think you're contemptible.

333
00:18:31,835 --> 00:18:35,155
And I think you are a vegan
who eats meat in secret.

334
00:18:35,255 --> 00:18:38,534
- See? She's a meat-eating vegan.
- I do not eat meat!

335
00:18:38,634 --> 00:18:40,828
But you'll eat fish
till the cows come home.

336
00:18:40,928 --> 00:18:43,580
- Don't argue with him.
- Fish is allowed!

337
00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:46,542
Including eels? Eels full of oestrogen?

338
00:18:46,642 --> 00:18:49,852
If it's buggering the eels,
think what it's doing to you.

339
00:18:50,979 --> 00:18:54,424
- Get back to your fig bottling!
- You're going out of control.

340
00:18:54,524 --> 00:18:57,344
Oh, no, I'm not.
I'm just beginning to see the light.

341
00:18:57,444 --> 00:19:00,889
- You're talking nonsense.
- It's all so clear.

342
00:19:00,989 --> 00:19:04,393
I've been living a nightmare,
obsessed with other people's acne,

343
00:19:04,493 --> 00:19:07,271
wracking my brains
to be original about boils.

344
00:19:07,371 --> 00:19:09,439
I've been going berserk!

345
00:19:09,539 --> 00:19:12,276
But then I suddenly thought
of a pork pie.

346
00:19:12,376 --> 00:19:17,072
- Get his Valium.
- I tell you, it was like a fucking brainwave!

347
00:19:17,172 --> 00:19:20,617
I have discovered that brains
are being laundered daily.

348
00:19:20,717 --> 00:19:25,304
I have found that out,
but it shall be no more!

349
00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:55,569
Jesus Christ!
What do you think you're doing?

350
00:19:55,669 --> 00:19:58,780
I'm completing a process
of natural selection.

351
00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:03,493
I'm going through everything in the house
and isolating items of genuine worth.

352
00:20:03,593 --> 00:20:07,581
All other products, especially
those contaminated with advertising,

353
00:20:07,681 --> 00:20:10,667
I am disposing of.

354
00:20:10,767 --> 00:20:12,377
Have you gone out of your mind?

355
00:20:12,477 --> 00:20:16,272
I know it's going to be difficult, but I'll
explain properly and you will understand.

356
00:20:17,107 --> 00:20:20,719
Dennis, listen to me.
You're under tremendous stress.

357
00:20:20,819 --> 00:20:24,431
You were drunk last night, and probably
don't realise it, but you were out of control.

358
00:20:24,531 --> 00:20:28,977
Maybe I was, but now I've had time to work
things out, get everything in perspective.

359
00:20:29,077 --> 00:20:32,981
Darling, can't you see what you're doing
this morning is equally out of control?

360
00:20:33,081 --> 00:20:36,944
Oh, no, you're quite wrong, Julia.
There's nothing out of control about me now.

361
00:20:37,044 --> 00:20:40,671
I know exactly what I'm doing now.

362
00:20:42,591 --> 00:20:44,701
God in heaven!

363
00:20:44,801 --> 00:20:47,246
The sweet stench of revenge!

364
00:20:47,346 --> 00:20:49,581
Please stop that. I think you're ill.

365
00:20:49,681 --> 00:20:51,875
I'm gonna do those bastard
television sets in here.

366
00:20:51,975 --> 00:20:54,461
- Like you're doing the vacuum cleaner?
- That's right.

367
00:20:54,561 --> 00:20:56,255
Except I'm gonna do them better.

368
00:20:56,355 --> 00:21:00,008
I'm gonna turn them on and do them in the
middle of an advertisement for themselves.

369
00:21:00,108 --> 00:21:02,678
- I'm going to drown them.
- You call that rational, do you?

370
00:21:02,778 --> 00:21:04,721
Certainly. Everything I do is rational.

371
00:21:04,821 --> 00:21:06,932
Why have you put chickens
down the lavatory?

372
00:21:07,032 --> 00:21:09,393
To thaw them before dismemberment.

373
00:21:09,493 --> 00:21:12,271
You're ill, darling.
I want you to get out of the bath.

374
00:21:12,371 --> 00:21:14,898
They feed 'em on fish,
they taste like fish,

375
00:21:14,998 --> 00:21:18,193
so I shall dismember them and return them
via the sewers to the sea.

376
00:21:18,293 --> 00:21:21,029
Get out of the bloody bath!

377
00:21:23,048 --> 00:21:25,826
I know this must be all
sort of upsetting for you, darling,

378
00:21:25,926 --> 00:21:28,328
but honestly, I assure you
of its necessity.

379
00:21:28,428 --> 00:21:31,873
- It has to be done or we'll never be free.
- From what?

380
00:21:31,973 --> 00:21:35,961
What sort of freedom can you get from
hacking a vacuum cleaner to pieces?

381
00:21:36,061 --> 00:21:41,550
Look at you! You've got a polythene bag
on your head. You look stark raving mad.

382
00:21:41,650 --> 00:21:44,261
You need help. You need rest.

383
00:21:44,361 --> 00:21:46,805
This cursed pimple cream
has got on top of you.

384
00:21:46,905 --> 00:21:49,182
Which is why I intend to escape.

385
00:21:49,282 --> 00:21:52,311
You're not escaping it.
You're encouraging it.

386
00:21:52,411 --> 00:21:54,813
- You're suffering them yourself.
- What do you mean?

387
00:21:54,913 --> 00:21:57,316
You're so run down,
you've got a boil yourself.

388
00:21:57,416 --> 00:21:58,900
- Me?
- Yes.

389
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:01,486
A horrid looking boil,
spouting from your neck.

390
00:22:01,586 --> 00:22:04,156
You never had a boil
before in your life.

391
00:22:04,256 --> 00:22:07,909
You're totally worn out,
both physically and emotionally.

392
00:22:08,009 --> 00:22:10,287
My God, you're right!

393
00:22:10,387 --> 00:22:13,013
I've got a boil.

394
00:22:14,141 --> 00:22:17,768
Sullivan Bristol. One moment.

395
00:22:18,728 --> 00:22:20,797
I'm gonna collect
something from my office.

396
00:22:20,897 --> 00:22:23,759
While I'm there, get hold of Bristol
and tell him I'm coming to see him.

397
00:22:23,859 --> 00:22:27,421
- Mr Bristol's out. Sullivan Bristol.
- I want a call the moment he turns up.

398
00:22:27,521 --> 00:22:30,698
And get me a couple of dispatch boys.
I need some equipment moved.

399
00:22:47,674 --> 00:22:49,717
Ow!

400
00:22:54,806 --> 00:22:57,016
I've come to give you a present.

401
00:22:59,311 --> 00:23:01,838
How nice.

402
00:23:01,938 --> 00:23:04,424
To me, this represents
everything that is wrong

403
00:23:04,524 --> 00:23:06,843
and everything that is vile
with this profession.

404
00:23:06,943 --> 00:23:10,347
- Really?
- It is the reason I'm resigning.

405
00:23:10,447 --> 00:23:14,351
- What's suddenly upset you about it?
- The hypocrisy it represents.

406
00:23:14,451 --> 00:23:17,104
- It was never used.
- Not its. Mine.

407
00:23:17,204 --> 00:23:21,817
I believed in it, and I sat back like some
gagged little idiot while they buggered it.

408
00:23:21,917 --> 00:23:24,653
- I should have resigned then.
- I see.

409
00:23:24,753 --> 00:23:28,031
I don't approve of its rejection.
I can no longer tolerate it.

410
00:23:28,131 --> 00:23:31,743
I don't approve of Her Majesty's
Government's cynical little bit of twaddle

411
00:23:31,843 --> 00:23:34,121
that smoking can seriously
damage your health

412
00:23:34,221 --> 00:23:35,872
as any kind of acceptable alternative.

413
00:23:35,972 --> 00:23:38,625
I wouldn't have thought
anyone was arguing about that.

414
00:23:38,725 --> 00:23:42,629
Precisely. Nobody's arguing about it,
especially the government.

415
00:23:42,729 --> 00:23:45,882
The only fucker this ever frightened
was the Chancellor of the Exchequer.

416
00:23:45,982 --> 00:23:49,177
But I'm going to argue about it.
I'm going to shout about it!

417
00:23:49,277 --> 00:23:52,389
- I wouldn't do that, old chap.
- Can damage your health?

418
00:23:52,489 --> 00:23:56,560
What's "can" got to do with it?
Can, could, might, possibly, maybe.

419
00:23:56,660 --> 00:23:58,562
"Does" is the word we want to hear.

420
00:23:58,662 --> 00:24:01,231
The bastards are killing 100,000 a year.

421
00:24:01,331 --> 00:24:03,692
Warning by Her Majesty's Government.

422
00:24:03,792 --> 00:24:07,529
"This product contains
highly toxic carcinogenic poisons.

423
00:24:07,629 --> 00:24:10,866
"Avoid all contact. Do not inhale.

424
00:24:10,966 --> 00:24:14,453
"Should inhalation occur,
seek immediate advice from a physician."

425
00:24:14,553 --> 00:24:19,416
I saw Harry yesterday. He said you were
having problems with the pimple cream.

426
00:24:19,516 --> 00:24:21,376
Did he? Well, he's wrong.

427
00:24:21,476 --> 00:24:24,254
Because I have eradicated
the pimple cream from my life.

428
00:24:24,354 --> 00:24:27,048
He also said you lost your temper
with some photographs.

429
00:24:27,148 --> 00:24:28,925
That's right. Closeups of hives.

430
00:24:29,025 --> 00:24:32,721
Don't you think the way you reacted
could be considered a little irrational?

431
00:24:32,821 --> 00:24:35,307
Don't start the old irrational
bollocks with me, Bristol!

432
00:24:35,407 --> 00:24:39,352
I'm up to here with it. I know everything
there is to know about rationality,

433
00:24:39,452 --> 00:24:41,897
and I know everything
there is to know about advertising.

434
00:24:41,997 --> 00:24:44,983
- Hold them, Sheila.
- So don't tell me I'm being irrational.

435
00:24:45,083 --> 00:24:49,336
Because I'm the man who's taken
the stench out of everything but shit.

436
00:24:52,507 --> 00:24:55,869
OK, old chap, why don't
you take some time off?

437
00:24:55,969 --> 00:24:58,371
What the fuck do you think
I'm resigning for?

438
00:24:58,471 --> 00:25:01,875
I'm taking forever off.
I'm going to cleanse my life.

439
00:25:01,975 --> 00:25:04,586
I'm going to rid my mind
and body of poisons,

440
00:25:04,686 --> 00:25:08,673
and when I've done it, I intend to make it
my life's work to encourage others to do it.

441
00:25:08,773 --> 00:25:11,968
- And how will you do that?
- By telling them, you bald fool.

442
00:25:12,068 --> 00:25:14,095
Walking up and down
with a sandwich board?

443
00:25:14,195 --> 00:25:16,806
- If necessary.
- Advertising, dear boy.

444
00:25:16,906 --> 00:25:19,518
How dare you! How...

445
00:25:19,618 --> 00:25:21,603
Aagh!

446
00:25:21,703 --> 00:25:24,397
- What's the matter, Bagley?
- I've got a boil.

447
00:25:24,497 --> 00:25:28,068
A big boil. I believe it's justice.

448
00:25:28,168 --> 00:25:31,503
The poison quitting my miserable system.

449
00:25:33,006 --> 00:25:36,409
15 years ago, I was out there
on the floor where you are now,

450
00:25:36,509 --> 00:25:38,495
and I was very like you, Bagley.

451
00:25:38,595 --> 00:25:40,121
I was the best.

452
00:25:40,221 --> 00:25:44,292
But I got myself into some
trouble with a gas-fired heating system.

453
00:25:44,392 --> 00:25:47,837
I tell you, I was desperate.
I made myself ill with worry.

454
00:25:47,937 --> 00:25:51,925
I finally ended up at a specialist
who told me I'd given myself an ulcer.

455
00:25:52,025 --> 00:25:54,427
But it was a lot more than that to me.

456
00:25:54,527 --> 00:25:59,140
As far as I was concerned,
I'd given myself a detonator.

457
00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:04,354
I became obsessed with fears
of spontaneous combustion.

458
00:26:04,454 --> 00:26:09,484
This gas-fired business had penetrated
so deeply into my subconscious,

459
00:26:09,584 --> 00:26:14,489
I thought I was seconds away
from bursting into flames.

460
00:26:14,589 --> 00:26:18,493
I started drinking water,
sometimes as much as 25 pints a day.

461
00:26:18,593 --> 00:26:20,870
I slept with a bucketful by the bed.

462
00:26:20,970 --> 00:26:23,999
I even bought a fire extinguisher.

463
00:26:24,099 --> 00:26:28,169
I'm surprised you needed to bother.
You must have pissed like a fire engine.

464
00:26:28,269 --> 00:26:30,171
Anyway, what's all this
got to do with me?

465
00:26:30,271 --> 00:26:32,757
What I'm telling you
is that I tried to quit too,

466
00:26:32,857 --> 00:26:36,136
but the man who sat here
refused to accept my resignation.

467
00:26:36,236 --> 00:26:38,054
- Hard luck.
- Was it?

468
00:26:38,154 --> 00:26:40,390
I took a month off and went abroad,

469
00:26:40,490 --> 00:26:43,935
rested and got myself a tan
and then I came back.

470
00:26:44,035 --> 00:26:47,689
And by Christ, Bagley,
did I sell some radiators.

471
00:26:47,789 --> 00:26:50,108
- Really?
- Never been better.

472
00:26:50,208 --> 00:26:53,570
And I'll tell you something else.
I didn't burst into flames, either.

473
00:26:53,670 --> 00:26:55,905
Well, let's hope it's not too late.

474
00:26:56,005 --> 00:26:58,366
Cos if you went up,
it would save me a job.

475
00:26:58,466 --> 00:27:01,286
Cos I tell you, Bristol, any night now,

476
00:27:01,386 --> 00:27:04,972
I'm likely to turn up here
and burn this dump to the ground.

477
00:27:08,685 --> 00:27:12,547
I can't believe
how the thing could grow so quickly.

478
00:27:12,647 --> 00:27:17,317
This morning it was a pea.
Now it's like a fucking tomato.

479
00:27:19,112 --> 00:27:21,447
I can't bear it any longer, Julia.

480
00:27:22,490 --> 00:27:25,242
The bastard's on fire!

481
00:27:27,203 --> 00:27:29,022
Bathe it in warm water again.

482
00:27:29,122 --> 00:27:31,983
I have bathed it in warm water again.

483
00:27:32,083 --> 00:27:34,861
I've washed it, dried it, poked it,

484
00:27:34,961 --> 00:27:37,322
agitated it, insulted it.

485
00:27:37,422 --> 00:27:41,910
Nothing. All it does is throb
and get bigger.

486
00:27:42,010 --> 00:27:44,329
It's like a thing in a medical magazine.

487
00:27:44,429 --> 00:27:46,873
- Hasn't the mustard helped?
- Of course not.

488
00:27:46,973 --> 00:27:49,584
- Maybe you should try the English.
- This is the English.

489
00:27:49,684 --> 00:27:53,587
No, it's not, darling.
It's Dijon with fine herbs.

490
00:27:53,687 --> 00:27:55,715
Why don't you take some aspirin?

491
00:27:55,815 --> 00:27:58,942
Never! I'm gonna knife the swine!

492
00:28:00,570 --> 00:28:04,516
Calm down! It's just a big boil.

493
00:28:04,616 --> 00:28:08,228
First thing in the morning, I'll run you
into town and we'll have it looked at.

494
00:28:08,328 --> 00:28:10,370
Now come to bed.

495
00:28:11,581 --> 00:28:13,624
Julia...

496
00:28:15,418 --> 00:28:17,404
it's just grown a hair.

497
00:28:17,504 --> 00:28:22,299
Oh, it's two o'clock in the morning!
Will you please come to bed?

498
00:28:24,344 --> 00:28:26,287
Not now.

499
00:28:26,387 --> 00:28:29,431
I gotta get down there and do some work.

500
00:28:59,420 --> 00:29:02,240
Come on, race!

501
00:29:07,887 --> 00:29:09,831
Come on. He needs some help.

502
00:29:09,931 --> 00:29:12,000
What are we gonna tell him?

503
00:29:12,100 --> 00:29:15,962
All we gotta do is tell him to throw
a rock through their window.

504
00:29:16,062 --> 00:29:18,840
Then knock on the door
and sell them all a burglar alarm.

505
00:29:18,940 --> 00:29:21,843
- Right.
- Oh, this is a good idea.

506
00:29:21,943 --> 00:29:24,387
- Mwah!
- Oh, you missed me!

507
00:29:24,487 --> 00:29:26,264
I'm going again.

508
00:29:26,364 --> 00:29:28,850
- Oh! Ready? Mwah!
- Mm... Mwah!

509
00:29:28,950 --> 00:29:32,270
Oh, I think you're wonderful.

510
00:29:32,370 --> 00:29:35,148
Shall I follow you?

511
00:29:35,248 --> 00:29:38,359
Yeah. Come on, let's hit
this cathode ray tube.

512
00:29:38,459 --> 00:29:41,654
OK. Ready? Here I go! Whee!

513
00:29:41,754 --> 00:29:43,797
And whee!

514
00:30:56,746 --> 00:30:58,940
Hiya, handsome.

515
00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:08,734
You can go home, Mrs Wallace.

516
00:32:11,237 --> 00:32:14,698
Dr Gatty, please. Julia Bagley.

517
00:32:15,992 --> 00:32:18,493
Well, can you page him?
I need him at once!

518
00:32:26,777 --> 00:32:30,073
Good. Yes, wonderful.
Thank you. Thank you.

519
00:32:30,173 --> 00:32:33,550
The boil! The boil!

520
00:32:33,676 --> 00:32:36,329
It's alive! It lives!

521
00:32:36,429 --> 00:32:39,791
- What do you mean?
- It's grown a head!

522
00:32:39,891 --> 00:32:43,419
I looked at it in the bathroom mirror,
and it spoke to me!

523
00:32:43,519 --> 00:32:46,881
Aah! Have a look at it!

524
00:32:46,981 --> 00:32:49,842
- I have, darling.
- What's it doing?

525
00:32:49,942 --> 00:32:51,719
Nothing. It's just a big boil.

526
00:32:51,819 --> 00:32:56,265
Boils don't have ears!
Boils don't have mouths that smile!

527
00:32:56,365 --> 00:32:59,602
No, darling. Neither does yours.

528
00:33:02,538 --> 00:33:08,168
I promise you, it's all part of this silly,
silly stress you're going through.

529
00:33:09,712 --> 00:33:12,115
Come along.
We'll go and look at it together.

530
00:33:12,215 --> 00:33:14,367
I don't think I dare.

531
00:33:14,467 --> 00:33:17,120
Shall I tell you what happened?

532
00:33:17,220 --> 00:33:21,499
You were dreaming. You dreamt
you woke up and went to the bathroom.

533
00:33:21,599 --> 00:33:23,501
You may have even slept walked there.

534
00:33:23,601 --> 00:33:26,921
You saw your own face in the mirror,
and it frightened you.

535
00:33:27,021 --> 00:33:28,965
Things like that are always happening

536
00:33:29,065 --> 00:33:31,108
when people are under
dreadful mental stress.

537
00:33:31,275 --> 00:33:34,558
- Do you think so?
- I'm certain of it.

538
00:33:35,458 --> 00:33:39,684
That'll be Dr Gatty.
Come upstairs and put something on.

539
00:33:50,169 --> 00:33:53,072
- What's the problem, Julia?
- Dennis thinks he's got a talking boil.

540
00:33:53,172 --> 00:33:55,199
- What?
- I can't go into it now, but he's manic.

541
00:33:55,299 --> 00:33:56,617
- Where is he?
- Upstairs.

542
00:33:56,717 --> 00:33:58,844
How is this manifesting?

543
00:34:10,106 --> 00:34:13,134
Dennis, darling! Dennis!

544
00:34:13,234 --> 00:34:15,318
Dennis, come back! Stop!

545
00:34:21,159 --> 00:34:24,020
Ah! Come on, boy.

546
00:34:24,120 --> 00:34:26,371
Come on, Dennis. I'm not gonna hurt you.

547
00:34:28,124 --> 00:34:31,652
Stay back, Gatty!
You blast it on the radio!

548
00:34:31,752 --> 00:34:34,739
- All right. Here you are. Now, now, boy.
- Aah! Aah!

549
00:34:34,839 --> 00:34:36,965
- Now, now, now. Come on.
- Aah! Aah!

550
00:34:40,970 --> 00:34:43,164
There, there, there.

551
00:34:43,264 --> 00:34:45,958
There. All done. All done.

552
00:34:56,277 --> 00:34:59,764
How do you think he'd react to
a suggestion of psychoanalysis, Julia?

553
00:34:59,864 --> 00:35:01,974
Well, he'll agree. He'll have to.

554
00:35:02,074 --> 00:35:05,603
Not necessarily. He's almost
certainly convinced of his sanity.

555
00:35:05,703 --> 00:35:10,066
In which case, it might well be difficult
to persuade him a psychiatrist could help.

556
00:35:10,166 --> 00:35:13,611
The only thing he'd consent to
at the moment is me lancing the boil.

557
00:35:13,711 --> 00:35:15,905
Why don't you?
Do it now while he's asleep?

558
00:35:16,005 --> 00:35:18,407
I'm not an expert
in these things, Julia.

559
00:35:18,507 --> 00:35:21,035
I don't think that's a good idea.

560
00:35:21,135 --> 00:35:25,639
Removing it in his condition might
set up some kind of permanent block.

561
00:35:27,099 --> 00:35:30,878
You've got to remember, as far as
he's concerned, I wouldn't be lancing it.

562
00:35:30,978 --> 00:35:34,731
I'd be decapitating it,
and that could be dangerous.

563
00:35:35,524 --> 00:35:37,343
We don't know who this person is.

564
00:35:37,443 --> 00:35:39,971
It might be a relative. His mother.

565
00:35:40,071 --> 00:35:42,598
- I think it's a male.
- Father, then.

566
00:35:42,698 --> 00:35:45,268
I'm sure that before any attempt
is made to get rid of it,

567
00:35:45,368 --> 00:35:47,061
you've got to find out who it is.

568
00:35:47,161 --> 00:35:49,021
Once we've done that,
we've got a good chance

569
00:35:49,121 --> 00:35:50,982
of converting it back to a normal boil.

570
00:35:51,082 --> 00:35:52,525
Then I'll lance it.

571
00:35:52,625 --> 00:35:56,279
For the moment, it's just a matter
of getting him to see a good psychoanalyst.

572
00:35:56,379 --> 00:35:58,865
- Do you know someone?
- I know a very good man in town.

573
00:35:58,965 --> 00:36:02,535
- It might take two or three days.
- He'll have to consent.

574
00:36:02,635 --> 00:36:05,454
- If he doesn't, we'll have to make him.
- I fear so.

575
00:36:05,554 --> 00:36:08,332
- What do you mean?
- Could involve certification.

576
00:36:08,432 --> 00:36:11,711
But he's just exhausted.
He's not really mad, is he?

577
00:36:11,811 --> 00:36:15,381
Running naked around a garden
insisting a boil has spoken to you

578
00:36:15,481 --> 00:36:17,592
is more than just exhaustion, Julia.

579
00:36:17,692 --> 00:36:20,970
Look. This is what I suggest. Tomorrow,
I'll call you with an appointment.

580
00:36:21,070 --> 00:36:23,363
You have to do your best
to get him there.

581
00:36:24,615 --> 00:36:27,643
For the moment, make sure he keeps
taking the tablets every two hours.

582
00:36:27,743 --> 00:36:29,854
He'll stay under control.

583
00:36:29,954 --> 00:36:32,982
When he wakes up, try and be normal.
Cook him dinner.

584
00:36:33,082 --> 00:36:34,859
You'll probably have
to go along with him.

585
00:36:34,959 --> 00:36:37,320
It'll be difficult. You'll have to try.

586
00:36:37,420 --> 00:36:39,947
And you'd better keep a record
of what the boil says.

587
00:36:40,047 --> 00:36:42,200
At least, what he says it says.

588
00:36:42,300 --> 00:36:44,509
Could be important.

589
00:36:49,223 --> 00:36:51,725
Don't worry. We'll sort it out.

590
00:37:10,661 --> 00:37:13,439
- What are those?
- Just pills.

591
00:37:13,539 --> 00:37:15,749
Two now, two before bed.

592
00:37:19,503 --> 00:37:21,739
Do you think I'm going mad, Julia?

593
00:37:21,839 --> 00:37:23,908
Goodness gracious, no!

594
00:37:24,008 --> 00:37:27,620
Dr Gatty says you're simply
paying the price of your creativity.

595
00:37:27,720 --> 00:37:30,998
He says you have such an active imagination,
it's taking advantage of you.

596
00:37:31,098 --> 00:37:35,461
- What did he say about the boil?
- He said it's perfectly normal.

597
00:37:35,561 --> 00:37:37,255
He said it's an absolutely normal boil,

598
00:37:37,355 --> 00:37:39,814
and as soon as you've
had a proper rest, it'll go away.

599
00:37:39,940 --> 00:37:42,808
- Are you sure?
- Absolutely.

600
00:37:42,908 --> 00:37:45,221
Trust me. Take my word for it.

601
00:37:45,321 --> 00:37:47,682
Mmm. Smells good.

602
00:37:47,782 --> 00:37:51,644
- Smells thumb-sucking good.
- Thank you, darling.

603
00:37:51,744 --> 00:37:55,898
- I didn't say anything.
- Oh, I see.

604
00:37:55,998 --> 00:38:00,126
Now we're going to have a nice dinner,
and everything will be normal.

605
00:38:01,087 --> 00:38:04,532
And if it speaks again,
we'll ignore it, won't we?

606
00:38:05,032 --> 00:38:07,175
Promise?

607
00:38:10,262 --> 00:38:13,765
- What are you doing?
- Merely whistling.

608
00:38:15,059 --> 00:38:17,628
- You're staring.
- Not at all.

609
00:38:17,728 --> 00:38:21,256
I was just getting ready
to clear my throat, that's all.

610
00:38:26,404 --> 00:38:30,182
It's extraordinary how much steam
comes off hot peas, isn't it?

611
00:38:30,282 --> 00:38:32,617
Yes, darling.

612
00:38:34,161 --> 00:38:35,938
Go to France.

613
00:38:36,038 --> 00:38:38,482
Yes, fancy France?
Paris in the springtime?

614
00:38:38,582 --> 00:38:40,750
That'd be lovely.

615
00:38:41,794 --> 00:38:44,655
That's a very attractive oven glove.

616
00:38:44,755 --> 00:38:47,325
Are you ashamed of your false teeth?

617
00:38:47,425 --> 00:38:51,495
- I don't have false teeth.
- I know you don't, darling. I know you don't.

618
00:38:51,595 --> 00:38:55,291
What I meant was, if you did have false
teeth, would you be ashamed of them?

619
00:38:55,391 --> 00:38:59,185
- It was a hypothetical question.
- Probably not.

620
00:39:00,980 --> 00:39:03,231
Boeuf bourguignon.

621
00:39:04,692 --> 00:39:06,719
Breath. For many, the unmentionable.

622
00:39:08,362 --> 00:39:12,099
- I beg your pardon, darling?
- Just happened to be thinking about it.

623
00:39:12,199 --> 00:39:15,285
Breath and false teeth and things.

624
00:39:17,288 --> 00:39:20,024
You know, there's no real reason
why we should wait.

625
00:39:20,124 --> 00:39:22,026
- For what?
- Paris.

626
00:39:22,126 --> 00:39:24,111
We could leave in a week or so.

627
00:39:24,211 --> 00:39:28,032
- We could even leave tomorrow.
- You dropped your napkin, darling.

628
00:39:28,132 --> 00:39:31,718
I'll buy a couple of polo necks,
and we could hop on a plane.

629
00:39:33,262 --> 00:39:36,999
Put an end to the misery of dentures.
You could smile again with confidence.

630
00:39:37,099 --> 00:39:39,142
Just ask Barbara Simmons.

631
00:39:42,104 --> 00:39:43,605
Why did you say that?

632
00:39:44,857 --> 00:39:47,567
Who is Barbara Simmons?

633
00:39:48,611 --> 00:39:50,137
I don't know.

634
00:39:50,237 --> 00:39:53,557
- Then why talk about her?
- I don't know.

635
00:39:53,657 --> 00:39:57,395
- You're not really trying, you know.
- Trying what?

636
00:39:57,495 --> 00:40:00,815
Trying not to talk
about breath and false teeth

637
00:40:00,915 --> 00:40:03,567
and people with names
like Barbara Simmons.

638
00:40:03,667 --> 00:40:06,987
I am, Julia.
It's got nothing to do with me.

639
00:40:07,087 --> 00:40:09,615
It's the you-know-what.

640
00:40:09,715 --> 00:40:12,535
Well, it's ever so slightly
getting on my nerves.

641
00:40:12,635 --> 00:40:16,163
- I thought we weren't going to listen to it.
- I can't help but listen to it.

642
00:40:16,263 --> 00:40:18,624
And I can't stop
the you-know-what saying it.

643
00:40:18,724 --> 00:40:20,668
Stop saying "the you-know-what".

644
00:40:20,768 --> 00:40:23,170
All right, then. The boil.

645
00:40:23,270 --> 00:40:25,980
Darling, it is not the boil.

646
00:40:27,066 --> 00:40:28,801
Don't you think I haven't noticed?

647
00:40:28,901 --> 00:40:31,137
Every time you say something,
you turn away

648
00:40:31,237 --> 00:40:34,557
or hunch your shoulder or get under
the table so I can't see your lips moving.

649
00:40:34,657 --> 00:40:37,643
That's not the case, Julia.
I'm not turning away to speak.

650
00:40:37,743 --> 00:40:40,438
What it's doing is waiting
till I turn away before it speaks.

651
00:40:40,538 --> 00:40:43,816
That's nonsense!
It was you that suggested France.

652
00:40:43,916 --> 00:40:46,193
I did not, I merely confirmed
what the boil said.

653
00:40:46,293 --> 00:40:50,156
- Then stop siding with it!
- Don't be ridiculous! I'm not siding with it!

654
00:40:50,256 --> 00:40:54,452
I'm going crazy trying to incorporate it
into my conversation so I won't upset you.

655
00:40:54,552 --> 00:40:56,454
But I never know
what it's going to say next.

656
00:40:56,554 --> 00:40:59,290
What you'll say next.
It's you saying it.

657
00:40:59,390 --> 00:41:02,209
It's the boil, Julia!
Believe me, it's the boil!

658
00:41:02,309 --> 00:41:07,381
- I can't stand it any more.
- How do you think I feel about it?

659
00:41:07,481 --> 00:41:11,093
I'm on the coast of panic.
I'm staring over the edge!

660
00:41:11,193 --> 00:41:13,804
Just tell me how a boil

661
00:41:13,904 --> 00:41:17,016
can come up with a name
like Barbara Simmons?

662
00:41:17,116 --> 00:41:19,768
Say no more, Julia. Don't say more.

663
00:41:19,868 --> 00:41:22,730
Why should a boil suddenly
suggest going to France?

664
00:41:22,830 --> 00:41:25,065
- I don't know.
- Why not Portugal?

665
00:41:25,165 --> 00:41:27,067
I don't know. I don't know!

666
00:41:27,167 --> 00:41:29,778
Perhaps the fucker wants
to go up the Eiffel Tower!

667
00:41:29,878 --> 00:41:32,448
Maybe the bastard
wants to see the sights!

668
00:41:32,548 --> 00:41:35,493
Sit down! I'm going to call Gatty.

669
00:41:35,593 --> 00:41:37,953
- What for?
- To see if he's got you in!

670
00:41:38,053 --> 00:41:39,762
In where?

671
00:41:40,639 --> 00:41:43,959
- Stay back! You need help!
- I refuse to have that quack in here.

672
00:41:44,059 --> 00:41:46,003
I refuse to be rendered unconscious.

673
00:41:46,103 --> 00:41:48,896
You have got to see a psychiatrist.

674
00:41:53,193 --> 00:41:55,679
Are you there, Julia?

675
00:41:55,779 --> 00:41:58,265
Are you there?

676
00:41:58,365 --> 00:42:00,518
I have to be very quiet.

677
00:42:00,618 --> 00:42:02,660
He's a very light sleeper.

678
00:42:03,912 --> 00:42:06,106
I wish I could come out
and talk to you, darling.

679
00:42:06,206 --> 00:42:09,417
But it's impossible. You've seen.

680
00:42:11,170 --> 00:42:13,113
I have to tell you, Julia,

681
00:42:13,213 --> 00:42:16,200
I'm getting increasingly
concerned for my future.

682
00:42:16,300 --> 00:42:18,661
I don't know how this will end.

683
00:42:18,761 --> 00:42:20,329
For all I know, in a fortnight's time,

684
00:42:20,429 --> 00:42:22,706
I'll be waking up with a bald head
and a bit of a grin.

685
00:42:22,806 --> 00:42:26,752
"How do you feel, Mr Bagley?"
"Much better, thank you, doctor."

686
00:42:26,852 --> 00:42:30,422
But the one thing I'm not, darling,
is insane.

687
00:42:30,522 --> 00:42:33,274
I'm 100 percent normal.

688
00:42:34,485 --> 00:42:37,471
When I came in here,
it was my intention to make a film.

689
00:42:37,571 --> 00:42:40,599
I wanted to tell the world
about advertising.

690
00:42:40,699 --> 00:42:42,893
It's not finished, of course.

691
00:42:42,993 --> 00:42:47,231
It's difficult to concentrate
with a shanker yacking on your neck.

692
00:42:47,331 --> 00:42:50,109
Incidentally,
in case it's bothering you,

693
00:42:50,209 --> 00:42:52,570
the reason I'm wearing
this wine carton on my head

694
00:42:52,670 --> 00:42:55,155
is so I can talk without disturbing it.

695
00:42:55,255 --> 00:42:57,757
It can't hear, you see?

696
00:42:58,842 --> 00:43:03,038
The world is in danger, Julia.
The greed is out of control.

697
00:43:03,138 --> 00:43:04,665
Greed is abolishing the future.

698
00:43:04,765 --> 00:43:06,875
It's turning truth
inside out and upside down.

699
00:43:06,975 --> 00:43:09,378
And this is its poisonous mouthpiece.

700
00:43:09,478 --> 00:43:11,297
Bollocks!

701
00:43:11,397 --> 00:43:15,024
Oh, Christ! I think I've woken him up.
I'll have to be quick.

702
00:43:17,194 --> 00:43:20,014
What I have to explain
is the mechanics of a holocaust.

703
00:43:20,114 --> 00:43:21,640
Oh, dear, oh, dear.

704
00:43:21,740 --> 00:43:25,811
I'm not talking about atom bombs,
darling. I'm talking about hamburgers.

705
00:43:25,911 --> 00:43:29,607
I had a nasty feeling I was going
to have to wake up to this.

706
00:43:29,707 --> 00:43:33,277
If I was you, I'd turn this off, Julia.
It's only gonna upset you.

707
00:43:33,377 --> 00:43:37,072
You see what a nightmare I'm in.
You see why I can't talk to you.

708
00:43:37,172 --> 00:43:39,424
Who are you talking to, then?

709
00:43:40,426 --> 00:43:44,288
God, it converses. I'm talking to it.

710
00:43:44,388 --> 00:43:47,625
- I need a cigarette.
- Be silent, you Moloch!

711
00:43:47,725 --> 00:43:51,211
- Moloch?
- Yes, that's you, you Moloch, you bogey!

712
00:43:51,311 --> 00:43:56,175
If you insist we have to listen
to this bullshit, I need a cigarette.

713
00:43:56,875 --> 00:43:59,428
All right, I'll get you one.
But on one condition.

714
00:43:59,528 --> 00:44:01,722
That you'll keep quiet
while you're smoking it.

715
00:44:01,822 --> 00:44:03,015
- Deal.
- Swear!

716
00:44:03,115 --> 00:44:06,185
I might be a shanker,
but my word is my bond.

717
00:44:06,285 --> 00:44:09,704
Don't turn off, darling.
60 seconds and I'll be back.

718
00:44:48,869 --> 00:44:51,355
Oh, Mrs Wallace!
I didn't know you were here.

719
00:44:51,455 --> 00:44:55,275
- I thought everyone was out.
- My husband's outside in the van.

720
00:44:55,375 --> 00:44:59,154
- Is he? How is he?
- He's waiting to collect me.

721
00:44:59,254 --> 00:45:02,215
Is he? Julia out shopping?

722
00:45:04,051 --> 00:45:07,845
Look, I wasn't actually going through
your handbag. I need a cigarette.

723
00:45:08,847 --> 00:45:11,015
Here, you can have them all.

724
00:45:12,351 --> 00:45:14,977
I only want one. I don't smoke.

725
00:45:16,939 --> 00:45:18,147
Got a light?

726
00:45:24,655 --> 00:45:27,782
Vile. I'm glad I've given up.

727
00:45:29,117 --> 00:45:31,729
Morning, darling. Lovely day.

728
00:45:31,829 --> 00:45:34,789
Is it? Traffic's appalling.

729
00:45:37,501 --> 00:45:40,696
You wouldn't make me
a cup of tea, would you, Sylvia?

730
00:45:40,796 --> 00:45:42,839
- Tea, Dennis?
- No, thank you.

731
00:45:44,758 --> 00:45:47,327
Don't pretend you haven't noticed
my cardboard box, Julia,

732
00:45:47,427 --> 00:45:48,620
because I know you have.

733
00:45:48,720 --> 00:45:51,915
And I know Mrs, Wallace,
God bless her, has noticed it too.

734
00:45:52,015 --> 00:45:54,918
But there's a perfectly
reasonable explanation,

735
00:45:55,018 --> 00:45:57,921
which I'm afraid I don't
have time to go into now.

736
00:45:58,021 --> 00:46:01,341
Matter of fact, I'm very busy now.
I better get back in there.

737
00:46:01,441 --> 00:46:05,137
- Thanks for the cigarette, Mrs Wallace.
- I thought you'd given up.

738
00:46:05,237 --> 00:46:09,323
I have. I'm not smoking it.
I'm just holding it.

739
00:46:10,325 --> 00:46:12,519
- I'll be out later.
- Don't be too long.

740
00:46:12,619 --> 00:46:15,037
We're leaving in less than an hour.

741
00:46:26,842 --> 00:46:29,244
Who's gonna tell me about it, then?

742
00:46:29,344 --> 00:46:31,455
You or the boil?

743
00:46:31,555 --> 00:46:34,583
No, no. I think we should start again.

744
00:46:34,683 --> 00:46:38,128
There's no side to any of this.
There is me. There is a boil.

745
00:46:38,228 --> 00:46:41,548
The boil happens to be able to speak, but
that doesn't qualify it to give an opinion.

746
00:46:41,648 --> 00:46:44,468
It was me that decided
to come here, not it.

747
00:46:44,568 --> 00:46:48,055
You don't think the inclusion
of the boil could perhaps help us?

748
00:46:48,155 --> 00:46:50,057
No. I'm not interested in its opinions.

749
00:46:50,157 --> 00:46:52,601
Even if it says something
that might be of relevance?

750
00:46:52,701 --> 00:46:55,062
I'm not interested in it,
no matter what it says.

751
00:46:55,162 --> 00:46:57,898
In my opinion,
it should be lanced instantly.

752
00:46:57,998 --> 00:47:01,068
It was the only reason
I agreed to come off the garage roof.

753
00:47:01,168 --> 00:47:03,544
If it wants to join in,
it can pay its own bill.

754
00:47:06,673 --> 00:47:08,674
Come and lie down.

755
00:47:10,218 --> 00:47:12,094
Please.

756
00:47:26,360 --> 00:47:28,903
Tell me about advertising.

757
00:47:32,950 --> 00:47:37,729
Now, you resigned from an important
firm with a very highly paid job.

758
00:47:37,829 --> 00:47:40,539
I'd like to know your reasons.

759
00:47:41,583 --> 00:47:44,528
Well, at least try
and give me an example

760
00:47:44,628 --> 00:47:47,155
of even one of those reasons.

761
00:47:47,255 --> 00:47:50,659
All right. Reason one.

762
00:47:50,759 --> 00:47:53,036
Advertising conspires with Big Brother.

763
00:47:53,136 --> 00:47:56,206
And you're afraid of Big Brother?

764
00:47:56,306 --> 00:47:59,459
Someone or something
coming into your life

765
00:47:59,559 --> 00:48:01,003
and telling you what to do?

766
00:48:01,103 --> 00:48:05,757
No. I'm not afraid of him. I'm one
of the few who really understands him.

767
00:48:05,857 --> 00:48:07,009
Oh?

768
00:48:07,109 --> 00:48:09,052
The man who conceived of Big Brother

769
00:48:09,152 --> 00:48:11,013
never knew what was coming
down the line.

770
00:48:11,113 --> 00:48:14,016
Thought his filthy creation
was gonna be watching us.

771
00:48:14,116 --> 00:48:17,936
But it is us who watch it.
There's one in every living room.

772
00:48:18,036 --> 00:48:22,649
The monstrous injustice of it is,
we stare at it of our own free will.

773
00:48:22,749 --> 00:48:25,986
So we could say, principally,
that it's television that you blame?

774
00:48:26,086 --> 00:48:29,740
We can say entirely it is the crooks
who've infiltrated it that I blame.

775
00:48:29,840 --> 00:48:33,076
They've moved in on the greatest
means of communication since the wheel.

776
00:48:33,176 --> 00:48:35,954
And now they've done it,
their greed is insatiable.

777
00:48:36,054 --> 00:48:38,790
They're cutting down jungles
to breed hamburgers,

778
00:48:38,890 --> 00:48:41,251
turning the whole world into a car park.

779
00:48:41,351 --> 00:48:45,130
They'd sell off the sea to satisfy
the needs of their great god Greed.

780
00:48:45,230 --> 00:48:47,883
They won't be satisfied,
not till we're all squatting

781
00:48:47,983 --> 00:48:50,302
in one of its fucking hatchbacks
on a motorway.

782
00:48:50,402 --> 00:48:52,429
There isn't going to be
anywhere left to go

783
00:48:52,529 --> 00:48:56,224
except in slow revolutions towards
the crest of the next slag heap.

784
00:48:56,324 --> 00:48:58,518
Do you have trouble
in getting an erection?

785
00:48:58,618 --> 00:49:01,396
- What?
- Can you get an erection?

786
00:49:01,496 --> 00:49:03,732
- Yes!
- Masturbating much?

787
00:49:03,832 --> 00:49:06,985
Constantly! I've got
a talking boil on my neck!

788
00:49:07,085 --> 00:49:09,738
What would you do?

789
00:49:09,838 --> 00:49:11,922
What does this mean to you?

790
00:49:13,300 --> 00:49:16,536
"Are you ashamed of your false teeth?

791
00:49:16,636 --> 00:49:19,373
"Put an end to the miseries of dentures.

792
00:49:19,473 --> 00:49:21,583
"You could smile again with confidence.

793
00:49:21,683 --> 00:49:23,627
"Just ask Barbara Simmons."

794
00:49:23,727 --> 00:49:28,340
The boil said it a few nights ago.
Sounds like a particularly crude voiceover.

795
00:49:28,440 --> 00:49:31,301
- Voiceover?
- The voice that sells.

796
00:49:31,401 --> 00:49:33,887
If you're selling perfume,
it sounds like a lover.

797
00:49:33,987 --> 00:49:36,807
If you're selling something
inedible you want people to eat,

798
00:49:36,907 --> 00:49:39,351
it'll sound as stupid
as they'll have to be to buy it.

799
00:49:39,451 --> 00:49:42,980
In this case, it would sound
like a dentist, someone in the know.

800
00:49:43,080 --> 00:49:46,775
I see. So one could say that it's,
erm, the voice of authority?

801
00:49:46,875 --> 00:49:49,569
Like, erm...
Well, like a parent's voice, almost?

802
00:49:49,669 --> 00:49:51,113
If you like.

803
00:49:51,213 --> 00:49:53,407
Has the boil spoken this morning?

804
00:49:53,507 --> 00:49:57,661
Yes, I had a row with it, and it got
very heated when I refused to shave.

805
00:49:57,761 --> 00:50:01,081
- Tell me about your parents.
- Not part of the plot.

806
00:50:01,181 --> 00:50:03,125
As far as I know,
they were completely normal.

807
00:50:03,225 --> 00:50:06,962
- I come from a completely normal family.
- Tell him about your grandfather.

808
00:50:07,062 --> 00:50:09,256
That was the boil. Ignore it.

809
00:50:09,356 --> 00:50:11,440
I don't think we should do that.

810
00:50:13,610 --> 00:50:16,888
It's the first time it's spoken in front
of me, and it might be important.

811
00:50:16,988 --> 00:50:21,226
It has nothing important to say. It is
destructive, self-satisfied and abusive.

812
00:50:21,326 --> 00:50:23,395
- You cun...
- You see? Don't listen.

813
00:50:23,495 --> 00:50:26,565
Come on. Fair's fair.
You've had your say. Now I'll have mine.

814
00:50:26,665 --> 00:50:28,483
Don't listen to it! Don't listen to it!

815
00:50:28,583 --> 00:50:31,319
Why don't you tell me
about your grandfather?

816
00:50:31,419 --> 00:50:34,531
If you tell me, the boil might be quiet.

817
00:50:34,631 --> 00:50:38,952
My grandfather was caught molesting
a wallaby in a private zoo in 1919.

818
00:50:39,052 --> 00:50:42,039
- A wallaby?
- May have been a kangaroo. I'm not sure.

819
00:50:42,139 --> 00:50:46,001
- You mean sexually?
- Suppose so. He had his hand in its pouch.

820
00:50:46,101 --> 00:50:48,128
- Fucked it, didn't he?
- He did not fuck it!

821
00:50:48,228 --> 00:50:50,255
Just... just lie back.

822
00:50:52,899 --> 00:50:56,970
- What happened to him?
- He pleaded insanity and got three months.

823
00:50:57,070 --> 00:51:00,891
Does the authoritarian attitude
they took with him upset you?

824
00:51:00,991 --> 00:51:04,061
- No. He died before I was born.
- Do you sympathise with him?

825
00:51:04,161 --> 00:51:06,229
If I had been stuck in a trench
for three years,

826
00:51:06,329 --> 00:51:09,524
- I might do something stupid myself.
- Like showing affection for an animal?

827
00:51:09,624 --> 00:51:11,026
- He'd fuck one.
- Shut up!

828
00:51:11,126 --> 00:51:13,570
Ask Barbara Simmons.
He'd fuck her as well.

829
00:51:13,670 --> 00:51:17,949
Oh, my God. How could the boil have
possibly known about my grandfather?

830
00:51:18,049 --> 00:51:21,036
That means it can read my mind.

831
00:51:21,136 --> 00:51:23,971
No, Mr Bagley, it does not.

832
00:51:26,308 --> 00:51:30,837
We'll speak about that in a moment,
when we've had a look at this boil.

833
00:51:30,937 --> 00:51:35,092
What you mean is you want
me to have a look at it. No.

834
00:51:35,192 --> 00:51:37,969
What would you say if I said
that you don't want to look at it

835
00:51:38,069 --> 00:51:40,514
because you're frightened
of what you might see?

836
00:51:40,614 --> 00:51:43,266
I'd say you'd be absolutely right.

837
00:51:43,366 --> 00:51:46,394
Isn't that trying to pretend
it doesn't exist?

838
00:51:46,494 --> 00:51:50,247
Isn't that exactly what you're accusing
everyone else of doing?

839
00:51:53,627 --> 00:51:56,446
Now, we must reduce
this guilt in two ways.

840
00:51:56,546 --> 00:51:59,783
First, it must be physically
reduced with surgery.

841
00:51:59,883 --> 00:52:03,411
And secondly, we must reduce
your punishing conscience

842
00:52:03,511 --> 00:52:06,289
by refusing to allow it to hide.

843
00:52:06,389 --> 00:52:09,501
Once we get it out into the open,
it'll be easier to fight.

844
00:52:09,601 --> 00:52:12,796
And I'm certain that
by the time your neck's healed,

845
00:52:12,896 --> 00:52:16,049
you'll be smiling at this problem
and be back at work.

846
00:52:16,149 --> 00:52:19,386
Never. No matter what you reduce,
I will never go back to advertising.

847
00:52:19,486 --> 00:52:25,616
Perhaps. But now, let's have a look
at this bully on your neck.

848
00:52:43,385 --> 00:52:45,469
Just look at it in the mirror...

849
00:52:47,722 --> 00:52:49,807
and tell me what you see.

850
00:52:54,271 --> 00:52:56,522
Oh, God in heaven!

851
00:52:57,774 --> 00:52:59,900
It's grown a moustache!

852
00:53:00,652 --> 00:53:02,179
Oh, my God!

853
00:53:02,279 --> 00:53:05,432
- Oh, my God.
- Yes.

854
00:53:06,913 --> 00:53:10,861
- Yes?
- The bastard looks just like me!

855
00:53:12,706 --> 00:53:14,774
What you must understand

856
00:53:14,874 --> 00:53:18,445
is that it's not the boil
that can read you.

857
00:53:18,545 --> 00:53:22,824
It is you, Mr Bagley,
that can read the boil.

858
00:53:22,924 --> 00:53:25,118
You can read it because it is you.

859
00:53:25,218 --> 00:53:27,162
At least, a part of you.

860
00:53:27,262 --> 00:53:28,830
The boil knows what you're thinking

861
00:53:28,930 --> 00:53:32,667
because you've projected
some of you into it.

862
00:53:32,767 --> 00:53:36,213
You've given it the side
that you find intolerable,

863
00:53:36,313 --> 00:53:40,383
the bullying, aggressive,
dictatorial side.

864
00:53:40,483 --> 00:53:44,846
The side that sells toothpaste and soap.

865
00:53:44,946 --> 00:53:49,309
You've decided that selling these things
is a bad thing for you to do,

866
00:53:49,409 --> 00:53:52,938
and you are unable to accept
the guilt for what you feel you've done.

867
00:53:53,038 --> 00:53:56,582
Therefore, you've transmitted
these qualities into the boil.

868
00:53:57,375 --> 00:54:01,154
Perhaps, by doing this,
you hope to escape your guilt.

869
00:54:01,254 --> 00:54:06,451
But you've created a symbol
of foul-mouthed authority instead.

870
00:54:06,551 --> 00:54:09,329
Your very own Big Brother.

871
00:54:14,851 --> 00:54:17,754
- Welcome back. My name's Debra.
- My head.

872
00:54:17,854 --> 00:54:20,356
Come on. Let's sit you up straight.

873
00:54:21,358 --> 00:54:23,927
Up we go. There we are.

874
00:54:24,027 --> 00:54:26,403
- Have they done it?
- In the morning.

875
00:54:27,280 --> 00:54:28,682
- You hungry?
- No.

876
00:54:28,782 --> 00:54:32,227
I'll bring you something anyway.
There's beef burgers or fish fingers.

877
00:54:32,327 --> 00:54:35,355
I can hardly move my arms.
I can hardly move anything.

878
00:54:35,455 --> 00:54:38,624
Barbiturate.
They gave you a whopping dose.

879
00:54:43,380 --> 00:54:45,991
You should have had the fish fingers.

880
00:54:46,091 --> 00:54:49,035
Mouthwatering fillets
of young cod, matey,

881
00:54:49,135 --> 00:54:51,913
in a crisp, golden batter, my mate.

882
00:54:52,013 --> 00:54:55,292
Shut up. You never talk in front
of people, so don't talk in front of me.

883
00:54:55,392 --> 00:54:58,420
Suit yourself. Suit yourself.
Suit yourself.

884
00:54:58,520 --> 00:55:03,300
Just thought you might be interested in
a little light rabbit to while the time away.

885
00:55:03,400 --> 00:55:05,969
Fuck me. What I wouldn't do
for a cigarette.

886
00:55:06,069 --> 00:55:09,306
- Who are you? What do you want?
- I am your better half.

887
00:55:09,406 --> 00:55:11,808
- You're not!
- Mais oui, je suis.

888
00:55:11,908 --> 00:55:15,687
A very expensive psychiatrist
told you I was.

889
00:55:15,787 --> 00:55:18,523
He did not!
You're just a dirty carbuncle.

890
00:55:18,623 --> 00:55:20,442
There's no reason to raise your voice.

891
00:55:20,542 --> 00:55:24,446
There's no reason why we shouldn't pass
these last few hours together amicably.

892
00:55:24,546 --> 00:55:26,781
- Be quiet.
- That wouldn't be fair.

893
00:55:26,881 --> 00:55:29,701
I listened to you
and all that Big Brother muck.

894
00:55:29,801 --> 00:55:32,120
Don't mind telling you,
I was bored stiff.

895
00:55:32,220 --> 00:55:34,539
I had absolutely nothing
to do under there.

896
00:55:34,639 --> 00:55:36,708
Except tend me moustache, of course.

897
00:55:36,808 --> 00:55:39,961
'Ere, you know why I grew it?
Big Granddad.

898
00:55:40,061 --> 00:55:42,255
How did you find out
about my grandfather?

899
00:55:42,355 --> 00:55:46,092
Walls have ears, Dennis.
I overheard Julia telling Gatty.

900
00:55:46,192 --> 00:55:47,886
Nice pair of tits, Julia.

901
00:55:47,986 --> 00:55:50,013
I believe you was unconscious
at the time.

902
00:55:50,113 --> 00:55:53,308
You bastard! I only have one wish,

903
00:55:53,408 --> 00:55:56,186
and that is that I could be awake
to see you lanced.

904
00:55:56,286 --> 00:55:58,355
I'd like to see the knife going in.

905
00:55:58,455 --> 00:56:00,357
I'd like to see you suffer.

906
00:56:00,457 --> 00:56:03,360
- A typically communist statement.
- I'm not a communist!

907
00:56:03,460 --> 00:56:05,779
Yes, you are. You want
to take everyone's car away.

908
00:56:05,879 --> 00:56:07,906
I do not want to take
anything from anyone.

909
00:56:08,006 --> 00:56:10,408
I want to give them
the choice of something better.

910
00:56:10,508 --> 00:56:12,285
- Oh, yes? What?
- Trains.

911
00:56:12,385 --> 00:56:15,997
Trains? Trains are no good.
They're old-fashioned.

912
00:56:16,097 --> 00:56:19,751
- I hate trains. They're rotten.
- Only because they don't consume.

913
00:56:19,851 --> 00:56:23,213
Only because they're already there
and don't eat up more and more and more.

914
00:56:23,313 --> 00:56:25,757
That's why you hate them.
That's why government hates them.

915
00:56:25,857 --> 00:56:27,884
That's why they're
old-fashioned and rotten.

916
00:56:27,984 --> 00:56:31,679
- You commies don't half talk a lot of shit.
- Shut up! I'm not a communist!

917
00:56:31,779 --> 00:56:33,932
I refuse to argue with a carbuncle.

918
00:56:34,032 --> 00:56:35,642
- You are a communist.
- Fuck off!

919
00:56:35,742 --> 00:56:38,395
That's very rude of you, Mr Bagley.

920
00:56:38,495 --> 00:56:40,522
Nobody's forcing you to have supper.

921
00:56:40,622 --> 00:56:43,608
I'm sorry. That wasn't directed at you.

922
00:56:43,708 --> 00:56:46,403
- Lovely.
- Thought you'd change your mind.

923
00:56:46,503 --> 00:56:48,238
That wasn't me. That was the boil.

924
00:56:48,338 --> 00:56:50,365
I've heard all
about your boil, Mr Bagley.

925
00:56:50,465 --> 00:56:53,827
- Now, you tuck in and enjoy it.
- It's no good.

926
00:56:53,927 --> 00:56:56,871
Even if I wanted to, I couldn't eat.
I can't move my arm.

927
00:56:56,971 --> 00:56:59,139
Looks like you're doing fine to me.

928
00:57:00,183 --> 00:57:03,044
Oh, my God! Nurse!

929
00:57:03,144 --> 00:57:04,629
It's the boil shaking it!

930
00:57:04,729 --> 00:57:08,216
- It's the boil! Aah! Aah!
- Mmm.

931
00:57:08,316 --> 00:57:10,635
Aah! Ah!

932
00:57:10,735 --> 00:57:12,095
Oh, my God!

933
00:57:14,622 --> 00:57:17,324
Oh, my God! Aah!

934
00:57:20,203 --> 00:57:23,440
Oh, Jesus! Oh! Oh, my God!

935
00:57:25,625 --> 00:57:29,279
He's got my hand! He's got my arm!

936
00:57:45,311 --> 00:57:49,215
You think I'd let a little pipsqueak
like you undermine society,

937
00:57:49,315 --> 00:57:51,551
ruin everything we've got?

938
00:57:51,651 --> 00:57:55,279
Piss like you needs dealing with!
You're the enemy within!

939
00:57:56,072 --> 00:57:58,475
Nurse! Nurse! Nurse! Nurse!

940
00:57:58,575 --> 00:58:00,768
Do you think I could have a pillow?

941
00:58:00,868 --> 00:58:02,921
Yes, of course.

942
00:58:03,621 --> 00:58:07,275
Thank you, Debbie.
May I call you Debbie?

943
00:58:07,375 --> 00:58:09,235
You're talking to the wrong head!

944
00:58:09,335 --> 00:58:11,863
Sorry, dear. I get these nasty spasms.

945
00:58:11,963 --> 00:58:14,782
Help! Help! Help! Help!

946
00:58:14,882 --> 00:58:17,426
Shut up! I've had enough of you!

947
00:58:23,600 --> 00:58:25,585
Mmph!

948
00:58:43,870 --> 00:58:47,815
Help! Help! Help! Help! Help!

949
00:58:47,915 --> 00:58:50,193
- Help! Help!
- Put some pressure on his arm.

950
00:58:50,293 --> 00:58:53,071
No! No! It's the boil! Aah!

951
00:58:53,171 --> 00:58:56,407
Don't you worry, old man.
You have a little sleep.

952
00:58:56,507 --> 00:58:58,243
It'll all be over in the morning.

953
00:58:58,343 --> 00:59:01,204
- Mm!
- Help! Help!

954
00:59:01,304 --> 00:59:03,456
No!

955
00:59:03,556 --> 00:59:06,683
No, don't! Don't lance the wrong...

956
00:59:07,727 --> 00:59:09,895
head...

957
00:59:42,470 --> 00:59:46,181
John. Bagley. I want to see you.

958
00:59:47,308 --> 00:59:50,253
No, no. Just a couple of fuses blew.
Stitches coming out in a week.

959
00:59:50,353 --> 00:59:54,090
Listen, we've got to talk
about this pimple cream.

960
00:59:54,190 --> 00:59:57,093
Yeah, yeah, I know he has.
Forget the problems.

961
00:59:57,193 --> 00:59:59,345
I'll take care of the problems.

962
00:59:59,445 --> 01:00:02,223
They're gonna love waiting for it.

963
01:00:02,323 --> 01:00:04,225
It's a massacre.

964
01:00:04,325 --> 01:00:08,229
But I've gotta warn you,
at first it might sound ridiculous.

965
01:00:08,329 --> 01:00:13,318
It's radical and not without its risks,
but I'm certain I can pull it off.

966
01:00:13,418 --> 01:00:16,863
And what it is, is Lawrence of Arabia

967
01:00:16,963 --> 01:00:19,464
and a little town called Aqaba.

968
01:00:20,425 --> 01:00:22,619
The last thing they expected
was for Lawrence

969
01:00:22,719 --> 01:00:25,413
to come roaring across the desert
and attack them from behind.

970
01:00:25,513 --> 01:00:28,666
It seemed impossible.
And because it was impossible,

971
01:00:28,766 --> 01:00:32,086
all their defences faced the wrong way.

972
01:00:32,186 --> 01:00:34,922
And that's how I want
to sell this pimple cream.

973
01:00:35,022 --> 01:00:38,259
I want to come in from behind,
where they least expect me,

974
01:00:38,359 --> 01:00:40,318
just like Lawrence of Arabia.

975
01:00:43,906 --> 01:00:49,729
Now. As I see it, we've gotta
forget this for at least three months.

976
01:00:49,829 --> 01:00:52,065
I estimate that
as the very minimum we need

977
01:00:52,165 --> 01:00:54,525
to create the ravenous market I'm after.

978
01:00:54,625 --> 01:00:58,946
- And how are you gonna do that?
- By glamorising boils.

979
01:00:59,046 --> 01:01:01,824
- Glamorise them?
- That's right.

980
01:01:01,924 --> 01:01:03,368
I want to make them fashionable.

981
01:01:03,468 --> 01:01:06,788
I want to encourage every kid
to take a pride in his breakouts.

982
01:01:06,888 --> 01:01:10,083
I want to sell them the idea
that boils are beautiful.

983
01:01:10,183 --> 01:01:13,252
If I can do that, I can treble
the market at a minimum.

984
01:01:13,352 --> 01:01:14,462
That's absurd.

985
01:01:14,562 --> 01:01:16,631
To sell atom bombs,
you've got to sell fear.

986
01:01:16,731 --> 01:01:19,884
If you want to sell this pimple cream,
you've got to encourage pimples.

987
01:01:19,984 --> 01:01:21,219
How?

988
01:01:26,491 --> 01:01:28,935
<i>People try and put us down</i>

989
01:01:29,035 --> 01:01:31,688
<i>Talkin' about my generation</i>

990
01:01:31,788 --> 01:01:33,940
<i>Just because we get around</i>

991
01:01:34,040 --> 01:01:36,734
<i>Talkin' about my generation</i>

992
01:01:36,834 --> 01:01:39,445
<i>Things they do look awful cold</i>

993
01:01:39,545 --> 01:01:41,948
<i>Talkin' about my generation</i>

994
01:01:42,048 --> 01:01:44,591
<i>I hope I die before I get old</i>

995
01:01:44,717 --> 01:01:46,285
<i>Talkin' about my generation</i>

996
01:01:46,385 --> 01:01:48,788
<i>This is my generation</i>

997
01:01:48,888 --> 01:01:52,750
<i>This is my generation, baby</i>

998
01:01:52,850 --> 01:01:55,378
<i>Why don't you all just fade away?</i>

999
01:01:55,478 --> 01:01:57,672
<i>Talkin' about my generation</i>

1000
01:01:57,772 --> 01:02:00,383
<i>Don't try to dig what we all say</i>

1001
01:02:00,483 --> 01:02:02,343
<i>Talkin' about my generation</i>

1002
01:02:02,443 --> 01:02:05,555
<i>I'm not trying to cause
a big sensation</i>

1003
01:02:05,655 --> 01:02:07,640
<i>Talkin' about my generation</i>

1004
01:02:07,740 --> 01:02:11,018
<i>I'm just talkin' about my generation</i>

1005
01:02:11,118 --> 01:02:14,897
<i>Talkin' about my generation
This is my generation</i>

1006
01:02:14,997 --> 01:02:17,692
<i>This is my generation
Talkin' about my generation</i>

1007
01:02:17,792 --> 01:02:19,986
<i>This is my generation</i>

1008
01:02:20,086 --> 01:02:22,280
<i>This is my generation, baby?
Talkin' about my...</i>

1009
01:02:22,380 --> 01:02:25,032
Cut! Cut! One more, boys. Get it right.

1010
01:02:25,132 --> 01:02:27,535
- Open the doors.
- Gotta go, Bagley.

1011
01:02:27,635 --> 01:02:29,662
- Richard, are you free Saturday?
- Yeah.

1012
01:02:29,762 --> 01:02:33,583
Julia's putting a party together.
It's our anniversary.

1013
01:02:33,683 --> 01:02:35,767
If you like, we'd love you along.

1014
01:03:01,961 --> 01:03:04,071
Oh! What are you doing?

1015
01:03:04,171 --> 01:03:07,007
Wake up, man! We're in mortal peril!

1016
01:03:08,384 --> 01:03:09,911
- How'd it go?
- Terrific.

1017
01:03:10,011 --> 01:03:13,623
- She's gonna be terrific.
- The stitches.

1018
01:03:13,723 --> 01:03:16,433
Terrific. Didn't feel a thing.

1019
01:03:24,108 --> 01:03:26,177
Coming up to bed, darling?

1020
01:03:26,277 --> 01:03:28,554
Mm, in a minute. Just watching this.

1021
01:03:28,654 --> 01:03:31,390
- It's fascinating.
- What is it?

1022
01:03:31,490 --> 01:03:33,643
A thriller.

1023
01:03:33,743 --> 01:03:36,453
Don't be too long,
because I'm practically dead.

1024
01:03:49,091 --> 01:03:51,994
I didn't know you'd invited Penny.

1025
01:03:52,094 --> 01:03:56,415
Of course I invited Penny. You'd better
be nice to her, cos she's my friend.

1026
01:03:56,515 --> 01:04:00,127
Poor Penny. I'm surprised she'd come.

1027
01:04:00,227 --> 01:04:03,464
I suppose she does it
out of some sort of social duty,

1028
01:04:03,564 --> 01:04:06,551
like organising Dutch caps
for the Hindus.

1029
01:04:06,651 --> 01:04:08,636
It's nearly eight. Hurry up.

1030
01:04:08,736 --> 01:04:12,614
There's just this little piece
of neck here I need to kiss.

1031
01:04:14,575 --> 01:04:16,435
You're looking very summery, Penny.

1032
01:04:16,535 --> 01:04:19,355
Thank you.
It's a Meilleur, made in India.

1033
01:04:19,455 --> 01:04:21,915
Happy anniversary, darling.

1034
01:04:30,967 --> 01:04:32,869
Are you having an affair, Julia?

1035
01:04:32,969 --> 01:04:34,954
- No.
- Then what's up?

1036
01:04:35,054 --> 01:04:37,707
Oh, I don't know.
I'm just so wound up about Dennis,

1037
01:04:37,807 --> 01:04:40,167
terrified his thing
will start talking again.

1038
01:04:40,267 --> 01:04:43,880
- Well, it hasn't, has it?
- Not exactly.

1039
01:04:43,980 --> 01:04:46,924
But I had this terrible, terrible dream,
Penny, a nightmare,

1040
01:04:47,024 --> 01:04:50,261
- and I can't get it out of my head.
- Mrs Bagley, the musicians are here.

1041
01:04:50,361 --> 01:04:53,389
Tell them to come in, Sylvia,
do whatever they like.

1042
01:04:53,489 --> 01:04:56,908
We can't talk here.
Come and have a drink.

1043
01:04:59,578 --> 01:05:03,248
It said Dennis wasn't my husband.
It said it was.

1044
01:05:04,917 --> 01:05:08,420
And it said it with
this horrible sort of mouth.

1045
01:05:09,338 --> 01:05:12,450
It said Dennis is an incarnation
of evil with a briefcase.

1046
01:05:12,550 --> 01:05:15,077
It kept going on about a briefcase.

1047
01:05:15,177 --> 01:05:19,206
Then it said, "Zero, zero, zero,"
again and again and again.

1048
01:05:19,306 --> 01:05:23,544
- And what's "Zero, zero, zero"?
- It's horrendous. I don't know.

1049
01:05:23,644 --> 01:05:26,646
- And that's it?
- No.

1050
01:05:27,565 --> 01:05:31,302
Then it told me to get an electric
carving knife and cut his head off.

1051
01:05:31,402 --> 01:05:34,597
It's not funny, Penny. It's the most
terrifying experience of my life.

1052
01:05:34,697 --> 01:05:37,183
- So real, it could have been real.
- Have you told Dennis?

1053
01:05:37,283 --> 01:05:40,645
Of course not. The last thing
I want to do is excite him.

1054
01:05:40,745 --> 01:05:43,189
I tell you, Penny, I'm still
waiting to scream about it.

1055
01:05:43,289 --> 01:05:44,732
- Come along.
- Along where?

1056
01:05:44,832 --> 01:05:47,026
- We're gonna look in the case.
- Don't be so silly.

1057
01:05:47,126 --> 01:05:49,445
Dennis doesn't even have a briefcase.
He loathes them.

1058
01:05:49,545 --> 01:05:51,864
- Uses an old doctor's bag.
- Then, with all due respect,

1059
01:05:51,964 --> 01:05:54,659
I hardly see that I should be
the one accused of being silly.

1060
01:05:54,759 --> 01:05:56,661
It's you that's had the silly dream.

1061
01:05:56,761 --> 01:06:00,623
And, under the circumstances,
I'm surprised you get to sleep at all.

1062
01:06:00,723 --> 01:06:03,058
I personally would be up
all night with a revolver.

1063
01:06:03,809 --> 01:06:06,545
It's not just the dream, Penny.

1064
01:06:06,645 --> 01:06:08,631
Ever since Dennis came out of hospital,

1065
01:06:08,731 --> 01:06:11,634
he's been peculiar, sexually.

1066
01:06:11,734 --> 01:06:15,638
He's obsessed
with blackheads and fucking.

1067
01:06:15,738 --> 01:06:18,891
- And not in that order.
- But you've always adored fucking.

1068
01:06:18,991 --> 01:06:22,478
Not when I'm cleaning my teeth, I don't!
Not when I'm doing anything, I don't.

1069
01:06:22,578 --> 01:06:25,523
The truth is, Penny,
I can't bear him touching me.

1070
01:06:25,623 --> 01:06:28,609
I don't know why, but I can't.
I'm running out of headaches.

1071
01:06:28,709 --> 01:06:31,779
He's absolutely sex mad.

1072
01:06:31,879 --> 01:06:34,615
Yesterday evening, he said
he wished I had nipples on my arse.

1073
01:06:34,715 --> 01:06:36,200
Don't!

1074
01:06:36,300 --> 01:06:38,494
That's just the least of it.

1075
01:06:38,594 --> 01:06:42,289
Lord, they're arriving.
I'll tell you about this later.

1076
01:06:42,389 --> 01:06:46,309
You breathe a word of this to anyone,
Penny, and I'll absolutely kill you.

1077
01:06:47,269 --> 01:06:48,587
- Hello.
- Ah!

1078
01:06:48,687 --> 01:06:51,757
- Hello, darling.
- Mm! Dying for a pee. This is Monica.

1079
01:06:51,857 --> 01:06:55,011
- Hello, Monica. Come and have a drink.
- Thank you.

1080
01:06:55,111 --> 01:06:57,487
- Penny Wheelstock.
- Hello.

1081
01:07:00,574 --> 01:07:03,561
- This is the most lovely room.
- Thank you.

1082
01:07:03,661 --> 01:07:05,813
And, uh, how long have you been married?

1083
01:07:05,913 --> 01:07:08,274
- Seven years.
- Congratulations.

1084
01:07:08,374 --> 01:07:09,567
- Snap.
- Sorry?

1085
01:07:09,667 --> 01:07:12,028
- You're wearing Le De. Givenchy.
- Oh!

1086
01:07:12,128 --> 01:07:14,447
It's my totally favourite scent,
and they've stopped making it.

1087
01:07:14,547 --> 01:07:16,032
Have they? I bought it in Marbella.

1088
01:07:16,132 --> 01:07:19,035
Did you? Well, you're lucky.
It's extinct.

1089
01:07:19,135 --> 01:07:21,287
Richard, darling,
can I get something over with?

1090
01:07:21,387 --> 01:07:23,122
- Then we can all forget about it.
- Sure.

1091
01:07:23,222 --> 01:07:27,543
I didn't really want to have this party.
I thought we might be rushing it a bit.

1092
01:07:27,643 --> 01:07:31,255
Dennis's psychiatrist thinks it's a good
idea to get him back into the swim.

1093
01:07:31,355 --> 01:07:32,673
But he's all right, isn't he?

1094
01:07:32,773 --> 01:07:35,468
- I've never seen him on such good form.
- Absolutely. He's fine.

1095
01:07:35,568 --> 01:07:39,288
But he just had his stitches out,
so naturally, we're a bit apprehensive.

1096
01:07:39,388 --> 01:07:42,475
So if anything happens,
which I'm certain it won't,

1097
01:07:42,575 --> 01:07:44,643
the idea is we all
sort of go along with him.

1098
01:07:44,743 --> 01:07:47,563
- We humour him, discreetly.
- Not exactly, Penny.

1099
01:07:47,663 --> 01:07:50,566
We just behave normally.
I don't want him excited.

1100
01:07:50,666 --> 01:07:53,861
- I certainly don't want any arguments.
- What's the matter with him?

1101
01:07:53,961 --> 01:07:57,005
He was overworked and nearly had
a breakdown, but he's much better now.

1102
01:08:00,426 --> 01:08:02,453
You're alive.

1103
01:08:02,553 --> 01:08:04,637
Can you speak?

1104
01:08:05,556 --> 01:08:08,167
You don't look at all well, you know.

1105
01:08:08,267 --> 01:08:11,504
Not being a medical man,
I wouldn't take my word for it,

1106
01:08:11,604 --> 01:08:14,022
but I'd say you had the mark.

1107
01:08:14,940 --> 01:08:16,550
You look like a doomed bollock.

1108
01:08:16,650 --> 01:08:20,513
- I want to speak to my wife.
- Oh, you can talk, can you?

1109
01:08:20,613 --> 01:08:25,476
Let me speak to Julia,
and I swear I'll never speak again.

1110
01:08:25,576 --> 01:08:27,186
Speak to her of what, boil?

1111
01:08:27,286 --> 01:08:30,856
I want her to see my film. Please?

1112
01:08:30,956 --> 01:08:34,068
Oh, so that's what's
worrying you, is it?

1113
01:08:34,168 --> 01:08:36,612
Well, let me put your mind at rest.

1114
01:08:36,712 --> 01:08:40,116
Firstly, on a purely ideological basis,

1115
01:08:40,216 --> 01:08:42,660
it's out of the question.

1116
01:08:42,760 --> 01:08:45,955
And second, I burnt it.

1117
01:08:46,055 --> 01:08:49,125
- Oh, no!
- Oh, yes.

1118
01:08:49,225 --> 01:08:52,378
And prepare yourself for another
little fluctuation of blood pressure,

1119
01:08:52,478 --> 01:08:54,463
cos it's not the only thing I've burnt.

1120
01:08:54,563 --> 01:08:58,592
- I've also burnt Julia's diaphragm.
- Oh, no!

1121
01:08:58,692 --> 01:09:01,262
Oh, yes! It's time Julia had a baby.

1122
01:09:01,362 --> 01:09:03,973
- Ogre!
- Hopefully a baby boy-bol.

1123
01:09:04,073 --> 01:09:06,267
You are a criminal ogre.

1124
01:09:06,367 --> 01:09:09,145
It's all quite normal, boil.

1125
01:09:09,245 --> 01:09:14,207
Now, I intend to commence
vigorous intercourse at about one am.

1126
01:09:15,209 --> 01:09:18,571
I don't want to go too far
into the details of what this might mean,

1127
01:09:18,671 --> 01:09:21,031
but if I was you,
I'd have an early night.

1128
01:09:21,131 --> 01:09:23,325
Cut your throat, monster.

1129
01:09:23,425 --> 01:09:27,204
In the name of humanity,
cut your filthy throat.

1130
01:09:27,304 --> 01:09:29,498
Don't start getting emotional.

1131
01:09:29,598 --> 01:09:32,042
I'll do everything I can to harm you!

1132
01:09:32,142 --> 01:09:35,379
You can't harm me,
you miserable little bit of garbage.

1133
01:09:35,479 --> 01:09:37,548
You'll be dead in a couple of days,

1134
01:09:37,648 --> 01:09:40,217
so why don't you try and do it
with some dignity?

1135
01:09:40,317 --> 01:09:43,053
Dignity? You're corruption.

1136
01:09:43,153 --> 01:09:46,140
Julia! Julia!

1137
01:09:46,240 --> 01:09:49,435
50 per cent of politics
is about creating a problem.

1138
01:09:49,535 --> 01:09:51,729
The other 50 percent
is about offering to solve it.

1139
01:09:51,829 --> 01:09:53,606
All you've got to do
is bugger something up,

1140
01:09:53,706 --> 01:09:56,025
then hasten to your nearest
TV station with a solution.

1141
01:09:56,125 --> 01:09:59,153
Doesn't matter what it is.
The environment, hospitals, crime...

1142
01:09:59,253 --> 01:10:03,840
Create a crime wave and up will pop some
perfectly plausible head-selling police.

1143
01:10:03,966 --> 01:10:07,119
- The rock through the window technique.
- That's exactly what it is.

1144
01:10:07,219 --> 01:10:09,538
It might work on everyone else.
It doesn't work on me.

1145
01:10:09,638 --> 01:10:13,500
If you breathe air, it works on you.
Large one, no ice, please, Richard.

1146
01:10:13,600 --> 01:10:17,546
If you're aware of it, how can you bear
to work in an industry that perpetuates it?

1147
01:10:17,646 --> 01:10:21,342
It's probably a defect from birth.
Come and rescue me. I'm being attacked.

1148
01:10:21,442 --> 01:10:23,552
- Who's attacking you?
- Penelope here.

1149
01:10:23,652 --> 01:10:26,222
She's telling me off because
I think your husband's a genius.

1150
01:10:26,322 --> 01:10:30,267
It's outrageous that Dennis should be
allowed to manipulate children's minds.

1151
01:10:30,367 --> 01:10:33,729
There is the dear boy. Come along.
I want to ask you both a question.

1152
01:10:33,829 --> 01:10:36,106
Is that him?

1153
01:10:36,206 --> 01:10:39,167
- He's very good-looking.
- If you like that sort of thing.

1154
01:10:40,169 --> 01:10:44,240
- Julia seems terribly tense.
- Surprised? It's him.

1155
01:10:44,340 --> 01:10:47,576
He had an operation.
Went weird in the bed department.

1156
01:10:47,676 --> 01:10:50,913
- What do you mean?
- Sex. Hello, Basil.

1157
01:10:51,013 --> 01:10:52,915
- Hello, Penny. Lovely party.
- Super.

1158
01:10:53,015 --> 01:10:55,918
- Apparently, he's insatiable.
- Really?

1159
01:10:56,018 --> 01:10:59,046
Dick, dick, dick, dick, dick.

1160
01:10:59,146 --> 01:11:03,509
Shouldn't really be telling you this.
It was said in the strictest of confidence.

1161
01:11:03,609 --> 01:11:05,552
And that's exactly how I'm telling you.

1162
01:11:05,652 --> 01:11:08,597
She said he's got a permanent horn.

1163
01:11:08,697 --> 01:11:11,100
- Really?
- She said she's desperate.

1164
01:11:11,200 --> 01:11:13,227
The other night, she woke up
and caught him

1165
01:11:13,327 --> 01:11:15,521
down the bed
with a huge black rubber torch.

1166
01:11:15,621 --> 01:11:17,690
- Torch?
- Flashlight.

1167
01:11:17,790 --> 01:11:20,025
- Doing what?
- Scrutinising.

1168
01:11:20,125 --> 01:11:24,363
He was under the covers.
Said he'd lost something. Contact lens.

1169
01:11:24,463 --> 01:11:25,906
Said he didn't want to wake her up.

1170
01:11:26,006 --> 01:11:28,909
And unlucky for her that he did,
cos she got another hour's worth.

1171
01:11:29,009 --> 01:11:32,663
I'm not going to make a speech.
I'd just like to thank you all for coming

1172
01:11:32,763 --> 01:11:35,541
and for making our anniversary
so special.

1173
01:11:35,641 --> 01:11:39,211
And most of all, I'd like
to thank Julia for organising it all

1174
01:11:39,311 --> 01:11:42,271
and for being such a special wife.

1175
01:11:48,195 --> 01:11:51,015
How about a toast to Bagley and Julia?

1176
01:11:51,115 --> 01:11:53,767
- Bagley and Julia.
- Bagley and Julia.

1177
01:11:53,867 --> 01:11:57,313
I'd also like to propose
a small snifter to our new star.

1178
01:11:57,413 --> 01:11:59,982
- I thought she was coming.
- She is, she's been held up.

1179
01:12:00,082 --> 01:12:02,234
- To Phyllis Blokey.
- Phyllis.

1180
01:12:02,334 --> 01:12:04,028
- Phyllis.
- Blokey.

1181
01:12:04,128 --> 01:12:07,797
- She's the singer with the boils.
- To boils, acne and blackheads.

1182
01:12:09,007 --> 01:12:10,993
What's this cream
going to be called, anyway?

1183
01:12:11,093 --> 01:12:14,621
Don't know yet. Right now we're stuck
with "Filthy Harry's Final Solution".

1184
01:12:14,721 --> 01:12:17,833
- Who's Filthy Harry?
- You know, Harry Wax. Creative.

1185
01:12:17,933 --> 01:12:22,129
- The only man here in a hired suit.
- He's as close as a Doberman's balls.

1186
01:12:23,029 --> 01:12:24,882
Don't want to say
anything bad about him.

1187
01:12:24,982 --> 01:12:27,676
- Then don't.
- This is excellent.

1188
01:12:27,776 --> 01:12:30,846
Yes, I was about to say,
I notice Penny's gone carnivorous.

1189
01:12:30,946 --> 01:12:34,350
- She lacked protein.
- And minerals.

1190
01:12:34,450 --> 01:12:37,186
I wasn't getting all I needed
out of normal green stuff.

1191
01:12:37,286 --> 01:12:40,621
I don't think anyone would ever
encourage me to grow boils.

1192
01:12:43,417 --> 01:12:45,861
You're not the market
I'm after, darling.

1193
01:12:45,961 --> 01:12:48,113
But if you were, I would.

1194
01:12:48,213 --> 01:12:51,533
I could sell you anything
from a boil to a hydrogen bomb.

1195
01:12:51,633 --> 01:12:55,537
- I don't think so. I'm anti-nuke.
- Hear, hear.

1196
01:12:55,637 --> 01:12:57,623
How's the new book coming along, Penny?

1197
01:12:57,723 --> 01:13:00,501
Shall I tell you why people
buy hydrogen bombs?

1198
01:13:00,601 --> 01:13:04,046
Because they're not like
the bombs people used to use in wars.

1199
01:13:04,146 --> 01:13:06,757
We put an added ingredient
into bombs these days.

1200
01:13:06,857 --> 01:13:08,717
It's called peace.

1201
01:13:08,817 --> 01:13:11,595
Our warheads are stuffed
to the brim with it.

1202
01:13:11,695 --> 01:13:13,931
We're years ahead
of the competition, of course.

1203
01:13:14,031 --> 01:13:17,935
- The Russians don't put peace in theirs.
- Very good, Bagley.

1204
01:13:18,035 --> 01:13:21,438
Can anyone think of a discreet
way of changing the subject?

1205
01:13:21,538 --> 01:13:23,982
I'm sorry, Julia. I'm afraid
Dennis is absolutely right.

1206
01:13:24,082 --> 01:13:27,444
There's a splendid example of what
he's talking about outside our building.

1207
01:13:27,544 --> 01:13:29,655
- Ever looked at it?
- Can't say as I have.

1208
01:13:29,755 --> 01:13:33,617
Well, there's an obelisk there
to the glory of the Royal Marines,

1209
01:13:33,717 --> 01:13:39,206
and it's a plaque depicting a Marine
shoving his bayonet into a Chinaman's guts.

1210
01:13:39,306 --> 01:13:43,335
He's so shocked, his pigtail's
sticking up like an exclamation mark.

1211
01:13:43,435 --> 01:13:47,339
And underneath it says,
"Shanghai Campaign, 1898."

1212
01:13:47,439 --> 01:13:51,552
Imagine seeing that in Peking.
A plaque of a Chinaman

1213
01:13:51,652 --> 01:13:54,805
pumping his bayonet into
an Englishman halfway up Regent Street,

1214
01:13:54,905 --> 01:13:57,307
a bowler hat, levitating in shock,

1215
01:13:57,407 --> 01:14:01,520
and underneath,
"West London Campaign, 1898."

1216
01:14:01,620 --> 01:14:05,873
Why don't you shut your trap,
you cynical old anus?

1217
01:14:09,503 --> 01:14:11,879
A joke. Just a joke.

1218
01:14:15,842 --> 01:14:19,955
Don't think the bandages might be
a bit on the tight side, Bagley?

1219
01:14:20,055 --> 01:14:22,499
No. Perfect, thank you.

1220
01:14:22,599 --> 01:14:25,127
Julia! Julia!

1221
01:14:25,227 --> 01:14:27,379
Are you all right, darling?

1222
01:14:27,479 --> 01:14:29,465
Marvellous.

1223
01:14:29,565 --> 01:14:32,483
Would you excuse me for a moment?

1224
01:14:38,949 --> 01:14:41,951
I tell you, he's absolutely barking.

1225
01:14:43,620 --> 01:14:46,064
Criminal. You filthy criminal!

1226
01:14:46,164 --> 01:14:49,610
Shut up, you little moron!
I'd like to wring your bastard neck!

1227
01:14:49,710 --> 01:14:54,031
Do it, then. Do it.
Put me out of my misery.

1228
01:14:54,131 --> 01:14:57,618
Oh, no, not yet,
you unwholesome pustule.

1229
01:14:57,718 --> 01:14:59,995
I want you to live just a bit longer.

1230
01:15:00,095 --> 01:15:03,499
I want you around tonight
when the shagging begins.

1231
01:15:05,392 --> 01:15:07,836
Tasty bit of glue, is it?

1232
01:15:07,936 --> 01:15:10,021
Here, have another suck.

1233
01:15:11,356 --> 01:15:13,316
Let's hear you squawk now.

1234
01:15:17,362 --> 01:15:22,559
<i>So I chaffed them and I gaily laughed</i>

1235
01:15:22,659 --> 01:15:30,207
<i>To think they would doubt my love</i>

1236
01:15:30,959 --> 01:15:36,114
<i>Yet today, my love has gone away</i>

1237
01:15:36,214 --> 01:15:44,205
<i>I am without my love</i>

1238
01:15:47,475 --> 01:15:50,087
Come on, Julia. Come and dance.

1239
01:15:50,187 --> 01:15:52,238
Not now, darling.

1240
01:15:52,338 --> 01:15:54,508
Come on. I insist.

1241
01:15:54,608 --> 01:15:57,427
Go on. It's his anniversary.

1242
01:16:08,538 --> 01:16:16,671
<i>Smoke gets in your eyes</i>

1243
01:16:37,901 --> 01:16:41,263
- Have you got a cold?
- Not my drug.

1244
01:16:42,763 --> 01:16:45,408
I know that smell. Givenchy.

1245
01:16:47,077 --> 01:16:50,746
Oh! You don't have to hold me
quite so tightly, Dennis.

1246
01:16:51,665 --> 01:16:54,484
Sorry. Afraid the clinch
is the only dance I know.

1247
01:16:54,584 --> 01:16:55,986
Heh.

1248
01:16:56,086 --> 01:16:58,739
Oh, Julia. Julia, darling.

1249
01:16:58,839 --> 01:17:01,450
No. Monica.

1250
01:17:01,550 --> 01:17:03,785
I know.

1251
01:17:03,885 --> 01:17:08,457
Julia. Please don't scream or pull away.

1252
01:17:08,557 --> 01:17:11,043
We might never get this chance again.

1253
01:17:11,143 --> 01:17:15,589
It's difficult for me to talk,
because my sinuses are full of glue.

1254
01:17:15,689 --> 01:17:17,758
You're not wearing a bra.

1255
01:17:17,858 --> 01:17:19,885
Not really.

1256
01:17:25,073 --> 01:17:28,018
I love you. I love you desperately.

1257
01:17:28,118 --> 01:17:31,313
This isn't a dream. It's reality.

1258
01:17:31,413 --> 01:17:33,982
Don't speak. Just listen. I'm desperate.

1259
01:17:34,082 --> 01:17:36,485
You're going to need a condom,
and quick!

1260
01:17:36,585 --> 01:17:38,695
The fucking's going to start
in about an hour,

1261
01:17:38,795 --> 01:17:42,115
and believe me, you're going
to have a monster on top of you.

1262
01:17:42,215 --> 01:17:43,909
Aah!

1263
01:17:44,009 --> 01:17:45,827
Stay away from me! Keep away!

1264
01:17:45,927 --> 01:17:49,581
Has the bastard been whispering to you?
Bastard! Bastard!

1265
01:17:49,681 --> 01:17:51,140
- It's all right.
- Bastard!

1266
01:17:52,642 --> 01:17:54,544
Oh!

1267
01:17:54,644 --> 01:17:58,230
Everything's under control.
Please stay and enjoy the party.

1268
01:17:59,733 --> 01:18:01,343
- Sorry.
- Monica?

1269
01:18:01,443 --> 01:18:04,596
I'm sorry, Julia, but I think
your husband's completely bananas!

1270
01:18:04,696 --> 01:18:08,433
Going along with someone is not the same
as listening to a tirade of obscenity!

1271
01:18:08,533 --> 01:18:10,910
- What did he say?
- I can't tell you.

1272
01:18:12,204 --> 01:18:14,189
- I'm sorry, Julia.
- Bye, darling.

1273
01:18:14,289 --> 01:18:15,899
- Lovely party.
- Thank you.

1274
01:18:15,999 --> 01:18:18,276
- Richard, your case.
- Oh, no, it's not mine.

1275
01:18:18,376 --> 01:18:20,628
It belongs to Bagley.
He left it at the studio.

1276
01:18:35,018 --> 01:18:37,228
Boil?

1277
01:18:44,736 --> 01:18:46,179
Boil!

1278
01:19:27,112 --> 01:19:28,696
Boil.

1279
01:19:34,536 --> 01:19:35,911
Boil!

1280
01:19:44,921 --> 01:19:47,381
Can you hear me, boil?

1281
01:19:55,432 --> 01:19:59,852
Where has he hidden the briefcase?

1282
01:21:38,076 --> 01:21:40,478
The world is in danger, Julia.

1283
01:21:40,578 --> 01:21:42,898
The greed is out of control.

1284
01:21:42,998 --> 01:21:45,108
Greed is abolishing the future.

1285
01:21:45,208 --> 01:21:47,819
It's turning truth
inside out and upside down.

1286
01:21:47,919 --> 01:21:50,906
And this is its poisonous mouthpiece.

1287
01:21:51,006 --> 01:21:54,200
Oh, Christ, I think I've woken him up.
I'll have to be quick.

1288
01:21:54,300 --> 01:21:57,746
What I have to explain
is the mechanics of a holocaust.

1289
01:21:57,846 --> 01:22:00,749
And I'm not talking
about atom bombs, darling.

1290
01:22:00,849 --> 01:22:02,459
I'm talking about hamburgers.

1291
01:22:04,227 --> 01:22:08,173
I had a nasty feeling
I was going to have to wake up to this.

1292
01:22:08,273 --> 01:22:10,091
If I was you, Julia, I'd turn this off.

1293
01:22:10,191 --> 01:22:13,094
- It's only going to upset you.
- You see what a nightmare I'm in.

1294
01:22:13,194 --> 01:22:15,513
You see why I can't talk to you.

1295
01:22:15,613 --> 01:22:18,391
- Who are you talking to, then?
- God, it converses!

1296
01:22:18,491 --> 01:22:21,519
- I'm talking to it.
- I need a cigarette.

1297
01:22:21,619 --> 01:22:24,397
- Be silent, you Moloch.
- Moloch?

1298
01:22:24,497 --> 01:22:26,900
Yes, yes, you, you Moloch, you bogey!

1299
01:22:27,000 --> 01:22:30,028
If you insist we have to listen
to this bullshit, I need a cigarette.

1300
01:22:30,128 --> 01:22:32,739
All right, I'll get you one,
but on one condition.

1301
01:22:32,839 --> 01:22:35,867
That you keep quiet
while you're smoking it.

1302
01:22:35,967 --> 01:22:39,428
Don't turn off, darling.
60 seconds, and I'll be back.

1303
01:22:54,110 --> 01:22:56,471
Penny said you had a bad dream.

1304
01:22:56,571 --> 01:22:59,849
Did she? Well, she shouldn't have.

1305
01:22:59,949 --> 01:23:01,977
She said the boil had spoken to you.

1306
01:23:02,077 --> 01:23:04,896
It didn't. Believe me, it didn't.

1307
01:23:04,996 --> 01:23:08,191
- It told me where you'd hidden the case.
- It didn't.

1308
01:23:08,291 --> 01:23:11,194
I told you where I'd put the briefcase.

1309
01:23:11,294 --> 01:23:12,779
I didn't dare wake up and ask

1310
01:23:12,879 --> 01:23:16,658
why you decided to vacuum clean me
in the middle of the night.

1311
01:23:16,758 --> 01:23:18,576
I told you where I'd put the case

1312
01:23:18,676 --> 01:23:22,414
because I'm all too aware of the tension
you've been trying to conceal.

1313
01:23:22,514 --> 01:23:25,000
And, painful though it is for me,

1314
01:23:25,100 --> 01:23:28,294
I thought by letting you
discover the film for yourself,

1315
01:23:28,394 --> 01:23:31,589
it would have some sort
of therapeutic effect.

1316
01:23:31,689 --> 01:23:35,593
There'd be no more secrets,
nothing left to hide.

1317
01:23:35,693 --> 01:23:38,570
I realise, of course, that was foolish.

1318
01:23:40,323 --> 01:23:44,185
If the boil didn't speak to me,
how did I know the combination?

1319
01:23:44,285 --> 01:23:46,787
Because it's written up in the kitchen.

1320
01:23:48,456 --> 01:23:50,483
It's been on the bulletin board
for weeks.

1321
01:23:50,583 --> 01:23:53,028
You must have seen it 200 times.

1322
01:23:53,128 --> 01:23:55,572
I never noticed noticing it.

1323
01:23:55,672 --> 01:24:00,259
It's on a red and white receipt.
I'll go and get it, if you like.

1324
01:24:06,224 --> 01:24:08,334
I realise I've been very selfish.

1325
01:24:08,434 --> 01:24:10,712
So busy thinking
of the stress I was under,

1326
01:24:10,812 --> 01:24:14,299
I'd completely forgotten
what a terrible time it's been for you.

1327
01:24:14,399 --> 01:24:16,885
I really don't want you
to watch this, darling.

1328
01:24:16,985 --> 01:24:21,222
I intended to burn it.
It's only going to upset you.

1329
01:24:21,322 --> 01:24:23,600
I'm already upset.

1330
01:24:23,700 --> 01:24:25,435
Please be quiet.

1331
01:24:25,535 --> 01:24:28,396
Are you there? I pray you're there.

1332
01:24:28,496 --> 01:24:32,817
I've just seen you in the kitchen.
I know you think I'm crazy,

1333
01:24:32,917 --> 01:24:34,444
but in a minute, I'll show you my film

1334
01:24:34,544 --> 01:24:37,447
and you can judge
my madness for yourself.

1335
01:24:37,547 --> 01:24:39,949
Everything's assembled from my old ads.

1336
01:24:40,049 --> 01:24:45,080
All I've done is re-edit them,
re-voice them and put in the truth.

1337
01:24:45,180 --> 01:24:47,082
No truth ever gets out of here.

1338
01:24:47,182 --> 01:24:49,334
They've got this bastard by the balls.

1339
01:24:49,434 --> 01:24:53,296
Greed has installed its lackeys
into the highest offices in this land,

1340
01:24:53,396 --> 01:24:56,716
and they're conducting
a crime wave of unprecedented ferocity.

1341
01:24:56,816 --> 01:24:58,510
Anywhere you want
to look, they're at it.

1342
01:24:58,610 --> 01:25:01,179
Oil companies sold
as champions of the environment.

1343
01:25:01,279 --> 01:25:04,057
Wild animals prancing
through the woodlands.

1344
01:25:04,157 --> 01:25:07,977
Meanwhile, the filth from their cars
is wiping out half the forests of Europe.

1345
01:25:08,077 --> 01:25:10,855
- I can't listen to any more of this.
- You swore you'd be quiet!

1346
01:25:10,955 --> 01:25:13,233
Yeah, but I'd forgotten
what a nightmare you are.

1347
01:25:13,333 --> 01:25:15,318
I want to be heard. I want to be heard!

1348
01:25:15,418 --> 01:25:18,170
- I want a drink.
- Then get it yourself.

1349
01:25:19,005 --> 01:25:20,990
Jesus, I've forgotten
what I was going to say.

1350
01:25:21,090 --> 01:25:23,326
I believe you were about to explain

1351
01:25:23,426 --> 01:25:27,038
why hamburgers are going
to be the cause of World War III.

1352
01:25:27,138 --> 01:25:29,624
That's right, you cynical bastard.

1353
01:25:29,724 --> 01:25:32,377
- We're all ears.
- How can you argue with the television?

1354
01:25:32,477 --> 01:25:36,631
Because this poor, sick creature
with a box on his head was me.

1355
01:25:36,731 --> 01:25:38,758
I know exactly what I'm going to say.

1356
01:25:38,858 --> 01:25:43,096
Destruction of the rainforests
by, amongst other things, hamburgers,

1357
01:25:43,196 --> 01:25:47,559
is going to lead to a world commodity crisis,
and the commodity will be oxygen.

1358
01:25:47,659 --> 01:25:51,396
- What mad bollocks.
- It is not mad bollocks.

1359
01:25:51,496 --> 01:25:53,481
They're turning rainforests
into deserts.

1360
01:25:53,581 --> 01:25:58,278
Within 25 years, the Brazilians
will be fixing oxygen prices

1361
01:25:58,378 --> 01:26:01,531
in exactly the same way
as the Arabs fix the price for oil.

1362
01:26:01,631 --> 01:26:04,659
- No more!
- You want the air, you pay for it.

1363
01:26:04,759 --> 01:26:06,578
- No more!
- Leave it on, Dennis!

1364
01:26:06,678 --> 01:26:08,997
I want to watch the film!

1365
01:26:09,097 --> 01:26:11,499
I don't know how you can say that.

1366
01:26:11,599 --> 01:26:14,919
You know what this does to me,
reliving this nightmare?

1367
01:26:15,019 --> 01:26:18,840
Look at him. He's got a cigarette stuck
in his bandages. The man's mad.

1368
01:26:18,940 --> 01:26:21,426
Why do you keep
calling him him? It's you!

1369
01:26:21,526 --> 01:26:25,180
All right, me. It was me. But I was ill.

1370
01:26:25,280 --> 01:26:29,559
You were the one that said so.
You can't have it both ways, darling.

1371
01:26:29,659 --> 01:26:32,645
You said I needed help, and I got help,
and now I'm better,

1372
01:26:32,745 --> 01:26:36,107
which is why I can't bear
to watch this dreadful insanity.

1373
01:26:36,207 --> 01:26:40,195
Insanity?
You still want to sell 'em boils!

1374
01:26:40,295 --> 01:26:43,531
Nothing crazy about that.
It's a free market.

1375
01:26:43,631 --> 01:26:45,909
People will either buy
or they won't buy.

1376
01:26:46,009 --> 01:26:50,496
Nobody's forcing them.
Everyone knows what they're getting.

1377
01:26:50,596 --> 01:26:53,041
- Perhaps they don't.
- Of course they do.

1378
01:26:53,141 --> 01:26:55,376
People might be a bit greedy
from time to time,

1379
01:26:55,476 --> 01:26:58,171
but we're not blind,
we've got our eyes open.

1380
01:26:58,271 --> 01:27:00,256
- We have a choice.
- Perhaps.

1381
01:27:00,356 --> 01:27:03,927
Stop saying perhaps!
What's perhaps got to do with it?

1382
01:27:04,027 --> 01:27:06,137
Perhaps they don't.

1383
01:27:06,237 --> 01:27:08,681
Perhaps if they'd hanged Jesus Christ,

1384
01:27:08,781 --> 01:27:11,976
we'd all be kneeling
in front of a fucking gibbet!

1385
01:27:12,076 --> 01:27:14,103
That isn't the real world.

1386
01:27:14,203 --> 01:27:16,522
In the real world, I have a choice.

1387
01:27:16,622 --> 01:27:18,900
Do I want it, or don't I?

1388
01:27:19,000 --> 01:27:22,461
And in this case,
I most certainly do not.

1389
01:27:40,396 --> 01:27:43,675
"I thought leaving you
was going to be so difficult.

1390
01:27:43,775 --> 01:27:47,845
"But the impossible becomes easy
when you have no choice.

1391
01:27:47,945 --> 01:27:51,683
"I want something better now
that can't be bought.

1392
01:27:51,783 --> 01:27:55,353
"I want a better world
than yours is, Dennis.

1393
01:27:55,453 --> 01:27:56,980
"I'm not gonna try and explain it,

1394
01:27:57,080 --> 01:28:00,082
"because I know you couldn't
possibly understand.

1395
01:28:01,751 --> 01:28:04,529
"Goodbye. Julia."

1396
01:28:04,629 --> 01:28:07,047
God, how can you be so naive?

1397
01:28:08,508 --> 01:28:11,286
Everything you've ever
looked at was yours.

1398
01:28:11,386 --> 01:28:13,204
What more could you possibly want?

1399
01:28:13,304 --> 01:28:16,541
- The truth.
- Shut up, you dozy scab!

1400
01:28:16,641 --> 01:28:19,168
I thought you were dead.

1401
01:28:19,268 --> 01:28:21,921
Not for nothing, cos she's free.

1402
01:28:22,021 --> 01:28:25,383
You lose. You lose.

1403
01:28:25,483 --> 01:28:27,025
Oh, no I don't.

1404
01:28:28,152 --> 01:28:31,431
You're talking
to Dennis Dimbleby Bagley.

1405
01:28:31,531 --> 01:28:34,100
And let me tell you something, boil.

1406
01:28:34,200 --> 01:28:37,270
She's got nowhere to go.

1407
01:28:37,370 --> 01:28:39,897
We're living in a shop.

1408
01:28:39,997 --> 01:28:43,943
The world is one magnificent
fucking shop,

1409
01:28:44,043 --> 01:28:48,573
and if it hasn't got a price tag,
it isn't worth having.

1410
01:28:48,673 --> 01:28:51,743
There is no greater freedom
than freedom of choice,

1411
01:28:51,843 --> 01:28:54,287
and that's the difference
between you and me, boil.

1412
01:28:54,387 --> 01:28:58,207
I was brought up to believe in that,
and so should you, but you don't.

1413
01:28:58,307 --> 01:29:01,961
You don't want freedom, do you?
You don't even want roads.

1414
01:29:02,061 --> 01:29:05,798
God, I never want to go on
another train as long as I live.

1415
01:29:05,898 --> 01:29:08,551
Roads represent
a fundamental right of man

1416
01:29:08,651 --> 01:29:11,554
to have access
to the good things in life.

1417
01:29:11,654 --> 01:29:15,892
Without roads, established family favourites
would become elitist delicacies.

1418
01:29:15,992 --> 01:29:18,644
A pot of soup would be for the few.

1419
01:29:18,744 --> 01:29:23,399
There'd be no more tea bags,
no instant potatoes, no long-life cream.

1420
01:29:23,499 --> 01:29:26,778
There'd be no aerosols.
Detergents would vanish.

1421
01:29:26,878 --> 01:29:31,282
So would tinned spaghetti
and baked beans with six frankfurters.

1422
01:29:31,382 --> 01:29:35,036
The right to smoke one's
chosen brand would be denied.

1423
01:29:35,136 --> 01:29:38,873
Chewing gum would probably disappear.
So would pork pies.

1424
01:29:38,973 --> 01:29:42,710
Foot deodorisers would climax
without hope of replacement.

1425
01:29:42,810 --> 01:29:46,672
When the hydrolysed protein and
monosodium glutamate reserves ran out,

1426
01:29:46,772 --> 01:29:49,300
food would rot in its packets.

1427
01:29:49,400 --> 01:29:51,969
Jesus Christ,
there wouldn't be any more packets.

1428
01:29:52,069 --> 01:29:54,972
Packaging would vanish
from the face of the earth.

1429
01:29:55,072 --> 01:29:57,350
But worst of all,
there'd be no more cars.

1430
01:29:57,450 --> 01:30:00,353
And more than anything,
people love their cars.

1431
01:30:00,453 --> 01:30:03,731
They have a right to them.
If they have to sweat all day

1432
01:30:03,831 --> 01:30:07,527
in some stinking factory making
disposable lighters or Christmas trees,

1433
01:30:07,627 --> 01:30:09,737
by Christ, they're entitled to them.

1434
01:30:09,837 --> 01:30:12,532
They're entitled to
any innovation technology brings,

1435
01:30:12,632 --> 01:30:15,243
whether it's ten per cent more of it
or 15 per cent off of it!

1436
01:30:15,343 --> 01:30:16,744
They're entitled to it.

1437
01:30:16,844 --> 01:30:20,206
They're entitled to one
of four important new ingredients.

1438
01:30:20,306 --> 01:30:23,751
Why should anyone have to clean their
teeth without important new ingredients?

1439
01:30:23,851 --> 01:30:27,380
Why the hell shouldn't they
have their CZT?

1440
01:30:27,480 --> 01:30:31,259
How dare some snotty Marxist carbuncle
presume to deny them it?

1441
01:30:31,359 --> 01:30:33,719
They love their CZT!

1442
01:30:33,819 --> 01:30:36,764
They want it! They need it!
They positively adore it!

1443
01:30:36,864 --> 01:30:40,226
By Christ, while I've got air
in my body, they're going to get it!

1444
01:30:40,326 --> 01:30:45,440
They're gonna get it bigger
and brighter and better!

1445
01:30:45,540 --> 01:30:49,277
I'll put CZT in their
margarine if necessary,

1446
01:30:49,377 --> 01:30:51,821
shove vitamins in their toilet rolls.

1447
01:30:51,921 --> 01:30:54,073
If happiness means the whole world

1448
01:30:54,173 --> 01:30:56,951
standing on a double layer
of foot deodorisers,

1449
01:30:57,051 --> 01:31:00,580
I, Bagley, will see that they get them!

1450
01:31:00,680 --> 01:31:04,333
I'll give them anything
and everything they want!

1451
01:31:04,433 --> 01:31:06,752
By God, I will!

1452
01:31:06,852 --> 01:31:09,172
I shall not cease

1453
01:31:09,272 --> 01:31:12,884
till Jerusalem is builded here

1454
01:31:12,984 --> 01:31:17,612
on England's green and pleasant land!