0000 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:10,000 YoubetCash.net Agen Judi Online Aman & Terpercaya 000 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:15,000 Bonus Cashback Bola 6% Bonus Rollingan 0,80% 00 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:20,000 Welcome Bonus Rp 25.000 Extra Bonus Tambahan Withdraw Rp 2.000.000 0 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:25,000 CashBack Mix Parlay 100% Bonus Ajak teman 45,2% 1 00:00:17,333 --> 00:00:19,333 [eerie piano music playing] 2 00:00:23,291 --> 00:00:24,750 [footsteps echoing] 3 00:00:27,041 --> 00:00:28,833 [man] I don't know who I am. 4 00:00:32,625 --> 00:00:35,083 Not just a story of who I am, but who I really am. 5 00:00:35,208 --> 00:00:36,041 [inhales] 6 00:00:37,375 --> 00:00:38,416 [exhales] 7 00:00:38,833 --> 00:00:41,125 The real... me. 8 00:00:45,250 --> 00:00:46,208 [chair dragging] 9 00:00:46,541 --> 00:00:48,541 [breathes deeply] 10 00:00:49,083 --> 00:00:50,750 I've been silent for 20 years. 11 00:00:52,958 --> 00:00:54,333 Twenty years! 12 00:00:55,583 --> 00:00:56,541 Of hiding. 13 00:00:57,125 --> 00:00:59,333 I should have stood by him, I should have helped him. 14 00:00:59,416 --> 00:01:01,791 We should have done everything together, as twins. 15 00:01:01,875 --> 00:01:03,541 We're identical twins. Bonded. 16 00:01:04,291 --> 00:01:06,791 And this thing was so strong that it broke us off. 17 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:08,250 It broke us apart. 18 00:01:08,541 --> 00:01:09,875 [breathes deeply] 19 00:01:10,458 --> 00:01:13,375 [man 2] The secrets I need answers to are in Marcus's head. 20 00:01:14,791 --> 00:01:16,333 But they're deep in his head. 21 00:01:17,833 --> 00:01:19,833 So it would almost seem 22 00:01:19,916 --> 00:01:20,958 reckless 23 00:01:21,750 --> 00:01:25,291 in terms of whatever we're gonna find when we open the box. 24 00:01:26,166 --> 00:01:28,500 It's Pandora's box. You either open it or you don't. 25 00:01:30,416 --> 00:01:31,583 But... [exhales] 26 00:01:32,416 --> 00:01:35,083 will it help me? It's a chance. 27 00:01:36,750 --> 00:01:38,500 It's a chance I'm prepared to take. 28 00:01:38,583 --> 00:01:40,583 [engines revving] 29 00:01:44,833 --> 00:01:46,125 -[glass shatters] -[tire squealing] 30 00:01:46,208 --> 00:01:49,541 [loud bang, motorcycle screeches] 31 00:01:57,083 --> 00:01:59,166 [music fades out] 32 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:05,500 [hospital machine high pitched ringing] 33 00:02:07,833 --> 00:02:10,000 [heart rate whooshing] 34 00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:13,791 [man 2] I-- I woke up. 35 00:02:16,166 --> 00:02:18,041 I remember opening my eyes 36 00:02:18,375 --> 00:02:20,041 and looking around the room, 37 00:02:21,041 --> 00:02:23,916 trying to take in where I am. 38 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:26,000 [slurping] 39 00:02:32,791 --> 00:02:36,666 I then turned my attention to my twin brother, 40 00:02:37,625 --> 00:02:39,333 who I instantly recognized. 41 00:02:39,500 --> 00:02:41,750 [Marcus's muffled voice] Alex, it's me! 42 00:02:41,875 --> 00:02:44,250 [Alex] He was sitting on the bed next to me... 43 00:02:44,375 --> 00:02:45,583 [Marcus] It's okay. 44 00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:47,500 [Alex] ...and I just said, 45 00:02:47,583 --> 00:02:48,708 "Hello, Marcus." 46 00:02:50,125 --> 00:02:54,458 I guess the major thing about being a twin is that you're never alone. 47 00:02:55,791 --> 00:02:58,083 And it's a massive thing to have. 48 00:02:59,333 --> 00:03:01,333 So whatever happens to you in your life, 49 00:03:01,833 --> 00:03:04,375 you've always got your other half there. 50 00:03:06,666 --> 00:03:07,750 [Alex] Even though 51 00:03:07,833 --> 00:03:10,541 I wasn't sure of what was going on around me, 52 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:14,583 I knew 100% that he was my brother and I could trust him. 53 00:03:18,375 --> 00:03:21,458 I then turned my attention to a lady 54 00:03:22,541 --> 00:03:24,625 much closer to the bed than everybody else... 55 00:03:26,958 --> 00:03:29,875 and she was getting quite hysterical 56 00:03:30,583 --> 00:03:32,708 at the fact that I had woken up. 57 00:03:32,791 --> 00:03:35,541 "Hello, hello, Ali, you're awake. You're awake. How are you? 58 00:03:35,625 --> 00:03:36,833 It's me, it's me." 59 00:03:37,875 --> 00:03:40,416 And I'm thinking, "I don't know how I am. 60 00:03:40,666 --> 00:03:42,250 And I don't know who you are." 61 00:03:42,333 --> 00:03:44,291 "You remember me. You remember me. Don't you remember me? 62 00:03:44,375 --> 00:03:46,041 You must remember me, you must remember me!" 63 00:03:46,125 --> 00:03:48,583 -And kept repeating and repeating this. -[high pitched ringing] 64 00:03:49,500 --> 00:03:51,708 I said to Marcus, "Who is she?" 65 00:03:53,333 --> 00:03:54,333 And he just said... 66 00:03:55,416 --> 00:03:56,458 "She is our mother." 67 00:04:00,541 --> 00:04:01,500 And Marcus said to me, 68 00:04:01,583 --> 00:04:04,125 "Do you really not know that that is our mother?" 69 00:04:05,500 --> 00:04:06,583 And I said, "No." 70 00:04:08,541 --> 00:04:11,541 And then he said to me, "Well, do you know who you are? 71 00:04:13,416 --> 00:04:14,541 And what's your name?" 72 00:04:18,041 --> 00:04:21,083 And it started to dawn on me that I really didn't know anything. 73 00:04:22,458 --> 00:04:24,000 -[blades whirring] -I didn't know where I was. 74 00:04:25,083 --> 00:04:26,000 Where do I live. 75 00:04:27,208 --> 00:04:28,916 I didn't know what happened to me. 76 00:04:30,125 --> 00:04:31,708 I didn't even know my own name. 77 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:33,875 [heart rate beep speeding up] 78 00:04:34,041 --> 00:04:35,500 Everything had gone. 79 00:04:35,916 --> 00:04:37,416 [high pitched ringing] 80 00:04:38,541 --> 00:04:40,166 [ringing fades out] 81 00:04:42,333 --> 00:04:44,333 [eerie music playing] 82 00:04:46,291 --> 00:04:49,000 [Marcus] Imagine a black empty space. 83 00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:53,708 You've lost everything in your life... 84 00:04:55,125 --> 00:04:57,458 and you start from a blank canvas. 85 00:04:59,958 --> 00:05:01,625 Imagine how scary that would be. 86 00:05:06,916 --> 00:05:11,666 The doctor explained that he had been wearing a helmet that had come off 87 00:05:12,041 --> 00:05:14,125 and, therefore, when he hit the ground, 88 00:05:14,583 --> 00:05:16,875 he hit the ground with his head and not with his helmet. 89 00:05:18,416 --> 00:05:20,791 And that had induced him to go into a coma. 90 00:05:21,833 --> 00:05:23,541 And they weren't sure 91 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:26,666 what kind of brain damage that would leave him with. 92 00:05:27,458 --> 00:05:29,458 [car engine running] 93 00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:36,125 [Alex] My mother came to pick me up. 94 00:05:37,708 --> 00:05:41,125 She said, probably three or four times before we even got in the car, 95 00:05:41,208 --> 00:05:46,208 "You do remember who I am, don't you?" And I'm like, "No, I don't." 96 00:05:46,958 --> 00:05:48,958 [soft piano music playing] 97 00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:52,875 I said, "Where are we going?" She said, "We're going home. 98 00:05:52,958 --> 00:05:54,916 I'm taking you home, back to our home." 99 00:05:58,458 --> 00:06:01,541 So I'm sitting in a car with a total stranger, 100 00:06:01,666 --> 00:06:04,208 driving somewhere. I've no idea where I'm going. 101 00:06:04,291 --> 00:06:05,291 [inhales] 102 00:06:05,375 --> 00:06:09,000 I'm being told, "This is your house. This is where you live." 103 00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:12,500 [tires moving over gravel] 104 00:06:16,916 --> 00:06:20,666 It's got a gravel drive. It's quite a large gravel drive. 105 00:06:22,333 --> 00:06:23,875 It's quite a big house, 106 00:06:24,541 --> 00:06:27,166 which looked quite daunting to me. 107 00:06:30,833 --> 00:06:33,833 [Marcus] He was in a haze. He didn't know where he was. 108 00:06:33,958 --> 00:06:35,708 He didn't know anything. 109 00:06:37,666 --> 00:06:40,541 Even though he was 18, 110 00:06:41,333 --> 00:06:44,250 he had the mental age of a... [inhales] nine-year-old. 111 00:06:45,791 --> 00:06:49,791 I remember walking through the kitchen and explaining, "This is the kitchen," 112 00:06:49,875 --> 00:06:52,666 and then the bathroom and then taking him into the... 113 00:06:53,250 --> 00:06:54,333 into his bedroom. 114 00:06:56,125 --> 00:06:58,625 "This is your bed on the left, and my bed's on the right." 115 00:07:04,791 --> 00:07:06,125 [Alex] I'm just being told 116 00:07:06,875 --> 00:07:08,208 that "This is your house. 117 00:07:09,208 --> 00:07:10,208 This is your mother." 118 00:07:11,791 --> 00:07:12,958 I don't know that. 119 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:22,291 My head was just blank. 120 00:07:28,125 --> 00:07:29,625 I mean, for everybody else, 121 00:07:29,708 --> 00:07:32,291 they're going to remember being on holidays, 122 00:07:32,416 --> 00:07:35,000 they're going to remember falling off their bike for the first time, 123 00:07:35,083 --> 00:07:37,166 their first kiss, the first time they were in love. 124 00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:41,583 Those are the things that really make up who you are. 125 00:07:42,666 --> 00:07:44,833 And you actually need those memories. 126 00:07:47,375 --> 00:07:50,458 I'm coming at this with nothing. 127 00:07:51,583 --> 00:07:54,250 -[loud bang] -[silverware rattling] 128 00:07:58,000 --> 00:07:59,291 [dog moans] 129 00:08:01,125 --> 00:08:02,458 [Alex] It was quite apparent... 130 00:08:02,541 --> 00:08:03,375 [chewing] 131 00:08:03,458 --> 00:08:07,333 ...that my parents didn't know how to deal with me. 132 00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:08,916 [exhales] 133 00:08:11,958 --> 00:08:14,250 My father, I didn't-- He was so distant. 134 00:08:15,416 --> 00:08:17,041 He didn't hug me or anything like that. 135 00:08:17,125 --> 00:08:20,416 He just shook my hand and said he was my father. 136 00:08:22,583 --> 00:08:23,750 He never came to the hospital. 137 00:08:25,208 --> 00:08:26,041 No. 138 00:08:26,916 --> 00:08:28,208 He never-- He never came. 139 00:08:34,333 --> 00:08:37,541 My mother didn't want to believe 140 00:08:37,958 --> 00:08:39,208 I had lost my memory. 141 00:08:40,125 --> 00:08:43,458 It was... just, for her, unthinkable. 142 00:08:44,666 --> 00:08:48,291 For a son not to know who their mother was. 143 00:08:50,541 --> 00:08:51,958 And she didn't want to believe it. 144 00:08:53,583 --> 00:08:54,625 [Marcus] Can you imagine, 145 00:08:55,333 --> 00:08:59,208 your son wakes up and he's no idea who you are. 146 00:08:59,375 --> 00:09:00,375 [deep breath] 147 00:09:00,833 --> 00:09:03,833 Any mother would be deeply distressed. 148 00:09:05,500 --> 00:09:07,708 It really hurt her a lot. 149 00:09:10,875 --> 00:09:15,916 [Alex] So I'm totally on my own, in that house with no support 150 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:17,333 apart from my brother. 151 00:09:18,875 --> 00:09:21,541 He gets it. He understands. 152 00:09:21,625 --> 00:09:23,458 I don't have to explain anything to him. 153 00:09:23,875 --> 00:09:27,458 He doesn't make it difficult for me. He gives me everything I need. 154 00:09:28,041 --> 00:09:31,208 If he hadn't known who I was, and he hadn't known his twin, 155 00:09:31,666 --> 00:09:35,250 then he would have been all alone in the world for the rest of his life. 156 00:09:36,458 --> 00:09:38,375 But he wasn't alone in the world. He had me. 157 00:09:38,625 --> 00:09:40,875 -[lively piano music playing] -[door hinge squeaks] 158 00:09:42,333 --> 00:09:43,791 [Alex] There was so much to learn. 159 00:09:43,875 --> 00:09:47,625 So very quickly he gave me the basic information, 160 00:09:47,708 --> 00:09:52,666 the everyday, "This is kitchen. This is TV. This is a table." 161 00:09:53,583 --> 00:09:56,041 [Marcus] I had to show him where all his clothes are, 162 00:09:56,125 --> 00:10:00,250 how to put his shoes on, tie his shoelaces up, make toast. 163 00:10:00,708 --> 00:10:02,500 He just kept giving me stuff. 164 00:10:03,833 --> 00:10:05,875 And I just went along with everything. 165 00:10:05,958 --> 00:10:07,375 [water running from faucet] 166 00:10:08,125 --> 00:10:09,791 When he said he didn't know something, 167 00:10:10,333 --> 00:10:11,875 I just told him what it was. 168 00:10:13,125 --> 00:10:15,541 Then starting to get into more difficult things 169 00:10:15,625 --> 00:10:17,375 like, "Wow, what is that thing?" 170 00:10:19,875 --> 00:10:22,083 The first few minutes was a bit strange, 171 00:10:22,958 --> 00:10:25,041 and then I realized I could actually do that. 172 00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:27,166 That I could ride a bike. 173 00:10:27,583 --> 00:10:30,875 That was something that he was actually quite good at, I seem to remember. 174 00:10:31,541 --> 00:10:33,708 But he didn't know where he was going, of course. 175 00:10:33,791 --> 00:10:36,583 So we would go out of the house and then everything was a blank. 176 00:10:36,666 --> 00:10:38,083 -[grunts] -[clatter and bang] 177 00:10:38,166 --> 00:10:40,416 [laughs] 178 00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:52,416 [Alex] The world seemed very scary. 179 00:10:55,083 --> 00:10:56,458 But with him... 180 00:10:57,000 --> 00:10:59,750 everything was a little bit easier. 181 00:10:59,833 --> 00:11:01,583 [music from TV] 182 00:11:01,666 --> 00:11:04,041 [cartoon from TV] Ladies and gentlemen! 183 00:11:04,166 --> 00:11:06,250 [Alex] TV was an eye-opener for me. 184 00:11:07,583 --> 00:11:10,208 All the shows were new, even down to Tom and Jerry. 185 00:11:10,291 --> 00:11:13,500 [Tom and Jerry theme playing on TV] 186 00:11:14,291 --> 00:11:17,250 In one way, I'm trying to learn as much information as possible. 187 00:11:17,666 --> 00:11:22,041 And in the second way, I'm trying to work my family out 188 00:11:22,375 --> 00:11:24,291 and the dynamics that are going on. 189 00:11:26,125 --> 00:11:30,291 And there'd be like a perfect Sunday lunch with everybody sitting around the table 190 00:11:30,458 --> 00:11:33,000 for Oxo Cube, and it looked nice. 191 00:11:33,625 --> 00:11:35,375 And I just imagined 192 00:11:35,458 --> 00:11:38,416 that must just be how all families are 'cause I saw it on the telly. 193 00:11:38,958 --> 00:11:40,458 [laughs] 194 00:11:41,916 --> 00:11:43,916 [uplifting instrumental music playing] 195 00:11:45,875 --> 00:11:49,208 I soon realized that Mommy was at the center of my new world. 196 00:11:51,125 --> 00:11:53,166 She was quite a tall woman. 197 00:11:53,250 --> 00:11:54,500 She was over six foot, 198 00:11:54,583 --> 00:11:57,541 and she had quite large hands and very large feet. 199 00:11:58,125 --> 00:11:59,375 Overly large feet. 200 00:12:00,791 --> 00:12:02,041 She was great fun. 201 00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:04,750 She'd just sort of dance around the kitchen. 202 00:12:04,833 --> 00:12:07,083 She would come in a room and say, "And here we all are. 203 00:12:07,166 --> 00:12:09,500 I'm here, everybody, I'm here." 204 00:12:10,125 --> 00:12:12,375 She'd be, [impersonates Mom] "Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha." 205 00:12:12,458 --> 00:12:13,625 She'd be laughing like that. 206 00:12:14,541 --> 00:12:16,583 Louder than loud, really. 207 00:12:16,916 --> 00:12:18,041 [dog moans] 208 00:12:18,750 --> 00:12:21,041 [Alex] Mom inherited a bunch of Chihuahuas. 209 00:12:22,291 --> 00:12:23,916 And she used to dress them up. 210 00:12:24,583 --> 00:12:27,000 They'd have their own clothes, little hats, 211 00:12:27,291 --> 00:12:30,208 little coats, and, um... that was her world. 212 00:12:31,166 --> 00:12:33,625 Before the accident, we both hated these dogs. 213 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:35,916 -We used to call them rats on legs. -[dog moaning] 214 00:12:36,166 --> 00:12:39,333 But Alex, when he came home, he rather liked the Chihuahuas. 215 00:12:39,416 --> 00:12:40,458 I quite liked them, 216 00:12:40,541 --> 00:12:43,041 'cause I thought they were quite sweet, I'd never seen one before, 217 00:12:43,250 --> 00:12:45,875 whereas nobody else had any interest in the dogs at all. 218 00:12:45,958 --> 00:12:46,958 [laughs] 219 00:12:47,041 --> 00:12:49,250 I still can't stand them. Horrible little things. 220 00:12:49,333 --> 00:12:50,791 [laughs] 221 00:12:50,875 --> 00:12:52,458 [music fades out] 222 00:12:55,458 --> 00:13:00,500 So I've grown up incredibly quickly in the space of a month, 223 00:13:01,250 --> 00:13:04,916 from probably a six-year-old to sort of a... to a early teenager, 224 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,958 sort of 14, 15 already, in such speed 225 00:13:08,541 --> 00:13:11,000 that now I need to move to another level. 226 00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:17,291 And that's when I start asking Marcus more personal questions. 227 00:13:18,208 --> 00:13:20,041 Who, who am I really? 228 00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:21,333 [clicks] 229 00:13:23,875 --> 00:13:26,916 So I started to ask Marcus about our childhood. 230 00:13:27,833 --> 00:13:31,291 He would say, you know, "What family holidays did we go on?" 231 00:13:31,375 --> 00:13:32,333 [clicks] 232 00:13:32,416 --> 00:13:34,541 And I'd say, "Oh, you know, we would go to France 233 00:13:34,625 --> 00:13:36,083 -on a beach holiday." -[clicks] 234 00:13:36,291 --> 00:13:38,666 "Oh, right, was that nice?" "Oh, yeah, it was great, you know. 235 00:13:38,750 --> 00:13:40,750 We used to go to the beach, we'd have an ice cream. 236 00:13:40,916 --> 00:13:43,416 You always liked to have a chocolate flake in your ice cream." 237 00:13:44,166 --> 00:13:45,541 "Oh, right, that's nice." 238 00:13:45,625 --> 00:13:46,458 [clicks] 239 00:13:46,541 --> 00:13:48,541 [soft piano music playing] 240 00:13:49,500 --> 00:13:53,083 [Alex] Marcus showed me a photograph of the two of us on holiday, 241 00:13:53,416 --> 00:13:55,541 and it looked nice. And we were, you know, 242 00:13:56,083 --> 00:13:59,125 typical boys building sand castles on a beach. 243 00:13:59,708 --> 00:14:03,083 So I just presumed that's what we did every year. 244 00:14:05,083 --> 00:14:06,583 He showed me photographs. 245 00:14:08,791 --> 00:14:10,541 And I joined the dots. 246 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:14,125 [waves crashing on the beach] 247 00:14:17,916 --> 00:14:19,333 [Alex] He would give me a photo... 248 00:14:20,708 --> 00:14:23,375 and I would construct a memory around that 249 00:14:24,208 --> 00:14:26,916 of two happy boys on a beach. 250 00:14:29,458 --> 00:14:31,041 [Marcus] What I was doing was actually 251 00:14:32,333 --> 00:14:35,500 reimplanting his memory and giving him... [inhales] 252 00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:36,666 his childhood back 253 00:14:36,791 --> 00:14:41,416 and answering questions from the very beginning of when he was a baby 254 00:14:41,500 --> 00:14:42,791 up to 18. 255 00:14:43,875 --> 00:14:47,166 [Alex] When you've got no memory, and you get little bits of information, 256 00:14:47,791 --> 00:14:50,750 then just some information about a single holiday 257 00:14:50,875 --> 00:14:54,375 meant an enormous amount to me 'cause that's all I had. 258 00:14:55,833 --> 00:14:58,208 So these tiny little fragments 259 00:14:58,291 --> 00:15:00,500 became the building blocks for my new sense of self. 260 00:15:02,125 --> 00:15:05,166 -And life seemed good. -[kids talking and shouting] 261 00:15:05,333 --> 00:15:08,958 The life that Marcus showed me that I had and painted for me 262 00:15:09,041 --> 00:15:13,500 was that we were a fairly privileged family in the home counties 263 00:15:14,291 --> 00:15:16,041 with perfectly normal parents. 264 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:20,000 You know, dinner parties around the house and everything looked good. 265 00:15:23,416 --> 00:15:25,083 He painted an idyllic picture. 266 00:15:26,958 --> 00:15:28,958 [kids shrieking] 267 00:15:31,458 --> 00:15:33,458 [music fades out] 268 00:15:34,833 --> 00:15:36,833 [clock ticking] 269 00:15:39,166 --> 00:15:42,916 [Marcus] Learning the rules of the house was more complicated. 270 00:15:45,083 --> 00:15:47,416 We weren't allowed to go upstairs. 271 00:15:47,750 --> 00:15:49,333 We didn't eat with our parents. 272 00:15:49,416 --> 00:15:51,583 We weren't allowed a front door key. 273 00:15:51,666 --> 00:15:53,458 And, from the age of... 274 00:15:54,708 --> 00:15:57,500 [huffs] I think... 14, 275 00:15:58,333 --> 00:16:01,000 we lived out in the shed in the garden. 276 00:16:01,125 --> 00:16:02,000 [inhales] 277 00:16:02,416 --> 00:16:04,875 In a funny sort of way we quite liked living in the shed 278 00:16:05,125 --> 00:16:07,166 because it was our domain. 279 00:16:08,375 --> 00:16:10,333 Yeah, it was-- it was, um... 280 00:16:11,416 --> 00:16:13,541 it was a confusing house for me. 281 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:15,833 [clock striking the hour] 282 00:16:22,333 --> 00:16:24,333 There was just ornaments everywhere. 283 00:16:25,083 --> 00:16:27,625 Every cupboard was full, every outhouse was full, 284 00:16:27,708 --> 00:16:30,041 every loft was full, every garage was full. 285 00:16:31,166 --> 00:16:33,875 And there were sections of the house that you weren't allowed to be in, 286 00:16:34,041 --> 00:16:36,208 and you didn't enter without permission. 287 00:16:37,250 --> 00:16:38,583 Especially my father's side. 288 00:16:38,666 --> 00:16:40,250 [ominous instrumental music playing] 289 00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:42,916 You wouldn't enter his study unless you were summoned. 290 00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:45,000 [clock ticking] 291 00:16:45,833 --> 00:16:49,375 He was quite a scary guy, and he had a hell of a temper on him. 292 00:16:49,916 --> 00:16:54,000 He would shout very loudly, and bang! He would just thump the table 293 00:16:54,083 --> 00:16:56,916 on the dining room... I remember particularly on the dining room table. 294 00:16:57,000 --> 00:17:00,416 There was a really long, huge dining room table, you know, 295 00:17:00,500 --> 00:17:03,000 in the center of the house, and he would whack that. 296 00:17:06,250 --> 00:17:08,000 And then he would just dismiss you. 297 00:17:11,041 --> 00:17:12,750 Marcus just instructed me, 298 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:15,666 "Don't get involved. Just let him do his thing. 299 00:17:16,541 --> 00:17:20,166 And be polite. Always be polite and call him sir." 300 00:17:22,250 --> 00:17:25,250 [Marcus] I do remember him kept asking me why did we have to do that. 301 00:17:25,916 --> 00:17:27,333 And I just said, "Because that's... 302 00:17:27,416 --> 00:17:29,666 [inhales] That's what you do in a family." 303 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,000 [lively music playing] 304 00:17:33,416 --> 00:17:36,000 [Alex] My brother, at some point, informed me that our parents 305 00:17:36,083 --> 00:17:38,625 came from an aristocratic background. 306 00:17:38,708 --> 00:17:40,166 -[indistinct chatter] -[loud chewing] 307 00:17:40,250 --> 00:17:42,250 -[cork popping] -[cheering] 308 00:17:43,666 --> 00:17:47,041 It was perfectly normal for our house to be filled with 309 00:17:47,125 --> 00:17:49,708 -sirs, duchesses, lords, ladies. -[woman cheers and laughs] 310 00:17:50,791 --> 00:17:53,791 And that's how we lived. 311 00:17:53,875 --> 00:17:55,875 [crowd cheering and laughing] 312 00:17:56,041 --> 00:17:58,041 I never thought, "This is odd," 313 00:17:58,875 --> 00:18:00,916 'cause everything was normal for me. 314 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:04,416 [party crowd singing] ♪ La, la, la, la, la, la ♪ 315 00:18:04,958 --> 00:18:08,750 It was perfectly normal to have parents like we did. 316 00:18:09,083 --> 00:18:12,083 It was perfectly normal to live in a shed. 317 00:18:12,458 --> 00:18:15,000 So I was never questioning anything. 318 00:18:15,083 --> 00:18:17,291 Because what is normal, really? 319 00:18:18,208 --> 00:18:21,708 Normal is what you know. And normal is what your family is. 320 00:18:21,791 --> 00:18:24,000 [people singing and whooping] 321 00:18:28,458 --> 00:18:30,458 [tires moving over gravel] 322 00:18:47,916 --> 00:18:49,041 [Alex] I had my story. 323 00:18:50,708 --> 00:18:52,541 I grabbed that from my brother. 324 00:18:54,791 --> 00:18:56,208 And I took it as my own, 325 00:18:56,500 --> 00:18:58,500 and I took that out into the world with me. 326 00:18:58,583 --> 00:19:00,375 -[indistinct chatter] -["Relax" by Duran Duran playing] 327 00:19:01,625 --> 00:19:03,166 -[woman yells] Party! Yeah! -[cheering] 328 00:19:03,375 --> 00:19:06,833 [Alex] After a few months, Marcus decided it was time to meet all my friends. 329 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:08,291 [indistinct greetings] 330 00:19:08,375 --> 00:19:10,208 So we go to the pub. 331 00:19:11,958 --> 00:19:14,958 That was another huge step. 332 00:19:15,375 --> 00:19:17,458 ♪ Relax, don't do it ♪ 333 00:19:17,666 --> 00:19:20,125 ♪ When you wanna go to it Relax... ♪ 334 00:19:20,333 --> 00:19:21,625 When you're a teenager, 335 00:19:22,208 --> 00:19:24,083 you don't want to be different to everybody else. 336 00:19:24,458 --> 00:19:26,750 You don't want to stick out, you just want to be the same. 337 00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:30,875 But everybody knows you and you don't know them. [inhales] 338 00:19:31,166 --> 00:19:34,916 And that is quite... quite daunting really. 339 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:36,125 [crowd laughing] 340 00:19:37,875 --> 00:19:38,875 I got overwhelmed. 341 00:19:45,333 --> 00:19:47,333 [music fades out] 342 00:19:50,333 --> 00:19:52,833 People say, "Oh, yeah, it can't be that bad to lose your memory." 343 00:19:54,083 --> 00:19:54,958 But it is. 344 00:19:55,875 --> 00:19:57,958 I have nothing to latch onto. 345 00:19:58,666 --> 00:20:03,708 I've got no... no anchors to give me any peace of mind 346 00:20:04,875 --> 00:20:06,583 apart from Marcus. 347 00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:12,666 So, me and Marcus together built up a system 348 00:20:12,791 --> 00:20:15,000 where I could meet people 349 00:20:15,083 --> 00:20:17,875 without them ever realizing that I didn't have a clue who they were. 350 00:20:18,125 --> 00:20:20,125 [fun instrumental music playing] 351 00:20:20,625 --> 00:20:22,625 [Marcus] We would go to a friend's house for dinner. 352 00:20:23,375 --> 00:20:27,000 We would stand outside the door and he'd say, "Right, okay, remind me." 353 00:20:27,083 --> 00:20:29,416 [stuttering] Give me the names again. What do they look like? 354 00:20:29,500 --> 00:20:33,416 Just give me the quick little outline, so a tiny little synopsis of each person. 355 00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:37,041 This is Dave, this is John, this is Chris. And then they'd open the door, 356 00:20:37,125 --> 00:20:39,291 "Oh, hi. Really nice to see you." 357 00:20:39,375 --> 00:20:40,916 And people never knew. 358 00:20:41,500 --> 00:20:44,500 [Marcus] And everybody would think, "Ah, Alex is fine, look. 359 00:20:44,958 --> 00:20:47,250 He knows everybody here. He knows what's going on." 360 00:20:47,333 --> 00:20:48,583 But none of that was true. 361 00:20:49,250 --> 00:20:51,666 I'd just given him a ten-minute lesson outside. 362 00:20:52,041 --> 00:20:54,291 But then he said, "Oh, yes, and you have a girlfriend." 363 00:20:54,708 --> 00:20:56,583 I thought, "Oh, I've got a girlfriend, have I?" 364 00:20:57,333 --> 00:21:01,208 She, um... she was very nice. And she didn't really notice 365 00:21:01,458 --> 00:21:05,791 that I had no idea [laughing] who she was. 366 00:21:07,333 --> 00:21:08,750 Our sort of standing joke 367 00:21:08,833 --> 00:21:11,916 is that I lost my virginity to the same woman twice. 368 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:14,000 [laughs] 369 00:21:16,291 --> 00:21:19,125 [Marcus] He became absolutely fascinated by photographs, 370 00:21:20,166 --> 00:21:25,208 because he became totally paranoid that he would lose his new memory. 371 00:21:26,458 --> 00:21:29,041 I just took pictures of people having fun. 372 00:21:29,291 --> 00:21:31,250 I took pictures of the parties we went to, 373 00:21:31,333 --> 00:21:33,291 the people we met, the places we went. 374 00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:36,416 I wanted to capture every single moment 375 00:21:37,166 --> 00:21:41,291 of every month, of every year for the rest of my life. 376 00:21:41,375 --> 00:21:42,208 [music fades out] 377 00:21:46,958 --> 00:21:49,916 [Alex] All of us, we take photos of happy times 378 00:21:50,708 --> 00:21:53,125 excluding everything else. 379 00:21:55,375 --> 00:21:56,500 We all do that. 380 00:21:57,458 --> 00:22:02,291 We take photos of weddings. You never take photos at funerals. 381 00:22:02,375 --> 00:22:03,291 [inhales] 382 00:22:14,625 --> 00:22:16,166 [clock ticking] 383 00:22:16,250 --> 00:22:17,708 [Marcus] Dad was dying, 384 00:22:18,666 --> 00:22:20,750 and he had cancer. 385 00:22:21,416 --> 00:22:22,250 Um... 386 00:22:22,541 --> 00:22:23,375 pancreas. 387 00:22:24,750 --> 00:22:27,208 And I remember he called us into his study, 388 00:22:27,708 --> 00:22:31,000 and he started to apologize for his behavior and the things that he'd done. 389 00:22:33,208 --> 00:22:36,166 [Alex] He said would we forgive him before he died? 390 00:22:37,250 --> 00:22:38,583 So I said, "Yes." 391 00:22:39,208 --> 00:22:40,708 Alex would have said anything. 392 00:22:41,166 --> 00:22:45,125 I mean he was just such a nice boy, and he had such a nice way about him. 393 00:22:46,541 --> 00:22:49,208 [Alex] And then Marcus stood there and said, 394 00:22:49,666 --> 00:22:51,833 "No, I will not forgive you." 395 00:22:53,166 --> 00:22:55,291 And turned around and walked out of the room. 396 00:22:56,791 --> 00:22:59,416 I remember walking out of the room with him 397 00:22:59,750 --> 00:23:02,250 and I-- I said, [stutters] "Why did you do that? 398 00:23:02,333 --> 00:23:05,708 Why would you say no to a dying man, his last wish? 399 00:23:06,083 --> 00:23:08,250 He's about to go. Give him the forgiveness." 400 00:23:08,416 --> 00:23:10,625 He said, "No, I won't. What for?" 401 00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:12,458 I said, "Because he asked us. 402 00:23:12,833 --> 00:23:16,000 He asked us to forgive him. Why could you not do that?" 403 00:23:16,416 --> 00:23:19,166 He said, "No". He said, "It's complicated. I don't want to." 404 00:23:20,750 --> 00:23:22,750 [heavy rain pattering] 405 00:23:29,916 --> 00:23:32,125 [Alex] And then, a few days later, he was gone. 406 00:23:36,875 --> 00:23:38,083 Once Dad had died, 407 00:23:38,750 --> 00:23:41,291 I thought things in the house would change, 408 00:23:41,625 --> 00:23:43,958 because he was the bully, he made the rules up. 409 00:23:45,166 --> 00:23:47,625 So, when I got into my twenties, 410 00:23:48,625 --> 00:23:52,166 I thought we can have access to our house, we could have keys to our house, 411 00:23:52,250 --> 00:23:55,791 we can go in and eat food whenever we want. Turn up whenever we want. 412 00:23:55,916 --> 00:23:58,583 All those rules have gone out of the window. He's gone now. 413 00:23:58,666 --> 00:24:00,666 [melancholic music playing] 414 00:24:01,250 --> 00:24:05,125 It was very quickly apparent that the rules hadn't changed. 415 00:24:05,916 --> 00:24:07,666 They became even more stringent. 416 00:24:12,541 --> 00:24:15,500 Mom still didn't want us to have a key. 417 00:24:19,458 --> 00:24:23,333 But I asked Marcus about it, and he just told me not to worry. 418 00:24:25,291 --> 00:24:26,208 So I didn't. 419 00:24:39,458 --> 00:24:41,000 And I jump five years later, 420 00:24:43,083 --> 00:24:46,375 and there she was, lying at the bottom of the stairs, unconscious. 421 00:24:48,416 --> 00:24:50,416 [Marcus] She's got a brain tumor in her head 422 00:24:51,416 --> 00:24:53,291 that was fatal. 423 00:24:58,333 --> 00:25:00,791 [Alex] I found the whole thing very upsetting. 424 00:25:03,541 --> 00:25:05,291 I did grow to love my mother. 425 00:25:07,375 --> 00:25:11,291 And, you know, and become very close to her. 426 00:25:17,208 --> 00:25:19,125 She said that she would miss us, 427 00:25:19,708 --> 00:25:23,125 and, um... and that she loved us. 428 00:25:23,250 --> 00:25:24,166 [inhales] 429 00:25:24,958 --> 00:25:28,708 And it was at that moment... she slipped away. 430 00:25:31,166 --> 00:25:32,791 I just cried 431 00:25:34,166 --> 00:25:35,750 for quite some time. 432 00:25:38,375 --> 00:25:39,458 But Marcus didn't. 433 00:25:41,875 --> 00:25:43,333 No emotion at all. 434 00:25:45,250 --> 00:25:46,083 [Marcus] I felt... 435 00:25:47,958 --> 00:25:48,833 nothing. 436 00:25:50,625 --> 00:25:54,708 I didn't feel any guilt for feeling nothing, 437 00:25:54,791 --> 00:25:58,083 I didn't feel sad. I didn't feel... 438 00:25:59,583 --> 00:26:02,000 relieved. I just felt nothing. 439 00:26:08,083 --> 00:26:10,125 [Alex] I know my brother inside out. 440 00:26:10,708 --> 00:26:13,458 We are twins. We know everything about each other, 441 00:26:14,166 --> 00:26:18,416 yet he has handled this situation in a completely different way to me. 442 00:26:19,541 --> 00:26:21,791 And it bothered me a lot. 443 00:26:27,833 --> 00:26:32,500 After the funeral, we went back to Duke's Cottage 444 00:26:33,125 --> 00:26:36,250 and walked back into our house with our key. 445 00:26:37,166 --> 00:26:42,583 And we started clearing up this vast house and its outbuildings, 446 00:26:43,166 --> 00:26:45,708 -which were full of stuff. -[door opens] 447 00:26:45,791 --> 00:26:47,791 [eerie music playing] 448 00:26:48,625 --> 00:26:52,500 We started with the downstairs, throwing things away, 449 00:26:53,541 --> 00:26:57,708 and every now and again you would find a jam jar 450 00:26:57,791 --> 00:26:59,833 full of 50-pound notes. 451 00:27:00,791 --> 00:27:03,166 And then some tied into the back of a curtain. 452 00:27:06,833 --> 00:27:09,750 And I'm starting to think, “That's a bit strange.” 453 00:27:12,208 --> 00:27:14,500 And we're going into bathrooms. 454 00:27:15,750 --> 00:27:19,333 One bathroom in particular there was this huge wardrobe 455 00:27:20,375 --> 00:27:21,666 full of sex toys. 456 00:27:25,500 --> 00:27:28,333 Marcus and I looked in it. I was really, really shocked. 457 00:27:29,666 --> 00:27:32,791 But he didn't really show much emotion, 458 00:27:33,208 --> 00:27:34,875 just kept reassuring me, 459 00:27:34,958 --> 00:27:37,833 "Never mind about that, put it to one side. Let's get on." 460 00:27:38,416 --> 00:27:39,625 [door opens] 461 00:27:41,833 --> 00:27:43,416 And when we got into the attic, 462 00:27:44,041 --> 00:27:46,875 there was our childhood. 463 00:27:50,250 --> 00:27:55,250 All our school books, all our baby clothes. 464 00:27:56,666 --> 00:27:59,708 And then boxes and boxes of presents 465 00:28:00,333 --> 00:28:03,666 that have been given to us for every Christmas and every birthday 466 00:28:04,083 --> 00:28:08,375 from our godfathers, aunts, uncles. 467 00:28:09,750 --> 00:28:14,583 We spent every birthday and Christmas with no presents from anybody. 468 00:28:16,250 --> 00:28:18,583 She kept every single one. 469 00:28:22,250 --> 00:28:25,166 It made my mother much more complicated. 470 00:28:27,708 --> 00:28:31,458 Who was this lady? What do I not know about her? 471 00:28:36,375 --> 00:28:39,291 And we started clearing Mommy's room. 472 00:28:45,416 --> 00:28:46,875 [sliding door opening] 473 00:28:48,125 --> 00:28:50,416 We were in the back of a cupboard, 474 00:28:50,875 --> 00:28:54,666 and you get through all these tons and tons of coats and clothes, 475 00:28:55,166 --> 00:29:00,041 and at the back you find a secret door to a cupboard within a cupboard. 476 00:29:00,583 --> 00:29:04,208 Of course, it's locked. So we have to find a key. 477 00:29:05,708 --> 00:29:07,708 [clattering] 478 00:29:19,541 --> 00:29:24,000 And inside there is a photograph 479 00:29:24,958 --> 00:29:26,500 of me and Marcus, 480 00:29:28,125 --> 00:29:31,583 aged around ten, and we're naked 481 00:29:32,750 --> 00:29:34,125 with our heads cut off. 482 00:29:37,791 --> 00:29:42,333 [tearfully] It was too weird. It was just too, too strange. 483 00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:44,916 What the hell was she doing 484 00:29:45,625 --> 00:29:49,916 with a naked picture of me and Marcus with our heads cut off? 485 00:29:56,083 --> 00:29:57,500 I just didn't know what to do. 486 00:29:58,416 --> 00:29:59,250 I... 487 00:30:00,208 --> 00:30:02,916 -didn't know what to do. [sighs] -[music fades out] 488 00:30:04,750 --> 00:30:06,291 [fire crackling] 489 00:30:24,208 --> 00:30:25,666 [breathes deeply] 490 00:30:27,041 --> 00:30:27,875 No. 491 00:30:29,458 --> 00:30:30,291 [sniffles] 492 00:30:30,833 --> 00:30:31,791 [sobbing] Fucking mad. 493 00:30:33,083 --> 00:30:34,333 I'm too fucking mad. 494 00:30:36,916 --> 00:30:37,750 [gulps] 495 00:30:37,833 --> 00:30:39,125 [sighs] Jesus. 496 00:30:40,041 --> 00:30:40,875 [scoffs] 497 00:30:51,333 --> 00:30:53,750 [gulps] Can I have a cup of tea? 498 00:31:03,750 --> 00:31:05,750 [melancholic music playing] 499 00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:10,291 [tires moving over gravel] 500 00:31:21,541 --> 00:31:25,666 [Marcus] I, from day one, started to create 501 00:31:25,916 --> 00:31:28,750 a different life for Alex than we actually had. 502 00:31:35,708 --> 00:31:39,875 I painted a picture of a normal family. We lived in a nice house. 503 00:31:40,166 --> 00:31:42,583 Our parents were nice, decent people. 504 00:31:44,958 --> 00:31:46,375 But none of that was true. 505 00:31:48,250 --> 00:31:51,500 It was a fantasy that I was creating for him. 506 00:31:51,875 --> 00:31:54,375 And the longer it went on, the bigger the fantasy. 507 00:31:54,791 --> 00:31:56,791 [motorcycle screeching] 508 00:31:58,583 --> 00:32:00,583 [music fades out] 509 00:32:07,958 --> 00:32:10,208 When Alex came back from the hospital, 510 00:32:11,166 --> 00:32:13,375 he didn't know who his mother was. 511 00:32:13,833 --> 00:32:16,666 He didn't know his house. He didn't know his bedroom. 512 00:32:16,750 --> 00:32:19,250 Didn't know his girlfriend. He didn't know he was in England. 513 00:32:19,333 --> 00:32:22,000 He didn't know... anything. 514 00:32:24,291 --> 00:32:27,208 But he knew... [loud muffled click] me. 515 00:32:28,416 --> 00:32:29,666 He knew who I was. 516 00:32:33,166 --> 00:32:35,750 If you've only got one fact in your mind, 517 00:32:36,416 --> 00:32:39,708 one thing that you know 100%, one thing that is yours, 518 00:32:40,083 --> 00:32:42,541 of your own, not something that anybody's given you, 519 00:32:43,250 --> 00:32:45,541 you then build everything around that fact. 520 00:32:48,041 --> 00:32:51,416 He had to trust me because he didn't have anybody else to trust. 521 00:32:52,291 --> 00:32:53,666 Without me, he had nothing. 522 00:32:56,708 --> 00:33:00,333 So I started off, when he got home, with the basics. 523 00:33:00,416 --> 00:33:04,333 Who are your parents, where's your room, where's your stuff. 524 00:33:05,375 --> 00:33:09,458 And we did it on that basis. It was just one fact after the next fact. 525 00:33:12,250 --> 00:33:17,083 And it wasn't until I'd been doing it for about six months that I realized 526 00:33:17,458 --> 00:33:21,541 that I had some control over what he knew and what he didn't know. 527 00:33:21,916 --> 00:33:24,875 Because everything that I told him he accepted and he believed. 528 00:33:26,625 --> 00:33:28,708 So, for instance, he would ask 529 00:33:29,208 --> 00:33:31,083 what family holidays we'd go on. 530 00:33:34,583 --> 00:33:37,583 The truth was we didn't go on family holidays. 531 00:33:38,291 --> 00:33:41,708 And if we went on a holiday, we'd go with other people's families. 532 00:33:42,458 --> 00:33:46,458 We'd never go with our parents. But I didn't want to give him that, 533 00:33:46,541 --> 00:33:51,083 because that was depressing and sad and not very normal. 534 00:33:51,583 --> 00:33:52,750 So instead of saying, 535 00:33:52,833 --> 00:33:55,875 "Oh, we didn't go on family holidays because our parents were shit." 536 00:33:56,208 --> 00:33:58,791 I said, "Yeah, we'd go on family holidays all the time." 537 00:33:58,875 --> 00:34:01,583 Here's a picture of one of the family holidays in France. 538 00:34:02,041 --> 00:34:05,000 My Dad spoke French. It seemed like a natural fit. 539 00:34:05,583 --> 00:34:07,000 "Ah, right, that's nice." 540 00:34:07,291 --> 00:34:10,041 And I did manage to find a picture of us on the beach. 541 00:34:11,041 --> 00:34:12,625 And that seemed to satisfy him. 542 00:34:13,833 --> 00:34:17,916 He didn't say, "Did we go with Mom?" "Did we go with Dad?" 543 00:34:18,666 --> 00:34:19,916 "Did we all go as a family?” 544 00:34:22,083 --> 00:34:23,791 He didn't ask any of those questions, 545 00:34:25,125 --> 00:34:26,666 and I didn't give him the detail. 546 00:34:29,916 --> 00:34:31,291 I'd give him a photo. 547 00:34:32,791 --> 00:34:34,583 His imagination did the rest. 548 00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:43,375 I gave him a photo album of happy memories, 549 00:34:44,500 --> 00:34:45,625 happy times. 550 00:34:47,291 --> 00:34:48,333 With none of the shit. 551 00:34:55,500 --> 00:34:59,041 I tried to not make anything up. I just left stuff out. 552 00:35:01,208 --> 00:35:03,000 If he'd started challenging me on everything, 553 00:35:03,916 --> 00:35:05,500 the whole thing would've broken down, 554 00:35:05,583 --> 00:35:08,416 and he would've worked out very early on what was really going on here. 555 00:35:12,791 --> 00:35:14,916 But you've got to remember, he'd lost all memory. 556 00:35:16,250 --> 00:35:20,041 So I wasn't being challenged at any point about anything. 557 00:35:20,458 --> 00:35:23,500 So If I said he went on a family holiday, we went on a family holiday. 558 00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:25,875 Period. He didn't ask again. 559 00:35:28,166 --> 00:35:31,041 And I did that all the way up until he was 32 years old. 560 00:35:36,333 --> 00:35:37,458 [music fades out] 561 00:35:38,250 --> 00:35:42,666 He had total blind faith in everything that I told him. 562 00:35:48,708 --> 00:35:51,166 [Alex] That's the key to this whole thing... 563 00:35:52,708 --> 00:35:53,916 is the word trust. 564 00:35:55,458 --> 00:35:58,791 I had no reason not to trust him or question him. 565 00:36:00,250 --> 00:36:02,166 So that's how-- how this-- 566 00:36:02,250 --> 00:36:05,375 A lot of people think, just cannot believe that this is even possible. 567 00:36:05,458 --> 00:36:07,666 But if you have blinding trust, it is possible. 568 00:36:07,750 --> 00:36:08,708 [inhales] 569 00:36:10,541 --> 00:36:11,375 [gulps] 570 00:36:12,416 --> 00:36:14,041 I had no reason to doubt him, did I? 571 00:36:15,791 --> 00:36:16,625 [exhales] 572 00:36:16,708 --> 00:36:17,541 [clink] 573 00:36:20,833 --> 00:36:22,583 [Marcus] To start with, it was quite simple 574 00:36:22,666 --> 00:36:24,125 because I had all the answers. 575 00:36:24,791 --> 00:36:28,916 But, as time goes by, the questions get more complicated, 576 00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:30,833 the questions get more directed, 577 00:36:31,000 --> 00:36:33,166 and then you have to start remembering 578 00:36:33,250 --> 00:36:35,750 what he haven't told him, remembering what you have told him. 579 00:36:36,458 --> 00:36:39,625 So then it became a conscious choice to actually... 580 00:36:40,833 --> 00:36:41,666 lie. 581 00:36:41,750 --> 00:36:43,750 [suspenseful music playing] 582 00:36:44,291 --> 00:36:47,875 So he would ask, "Is our mother a good mother?" 583 00:36:47,958 --> 00:36:48,875 [inhales] 584 00:36:49,583 --> 00:36:54,166 And I'd say, "Yeah, our mother's cool." And that would be the end of the question. 585 00:36:55,750 --> 00:36:58,458 You would say to me, "Well, that's not an acceptable answer. 586 00:36:58,583 --> 00:37:00,875 What am I supposed to do with, 'Our mother's cool.' 587 00:37:00,958 --> 00:37:04,000 I want more. What was she like? How did she look after us? 588 00:37:04,083 --> 00:37:07,791 Does she love us? [inhales] You know, has she been a good mother?" 589 00:37:08,125 --> 00:37:10,250 But he wasn't asking any questions like that. 590 00:37:10,333 --> 00:37:14,375 He just wanted to know, "Is my mother cool?" "Yes, she is." 591 00:37:14,750 --> 00:37:17,208 Great. Pop that in the memory bank. Move on. 592 00:37:25,375 --> 00:37:29,375 [Alex] It's amazing I never noticed that the stories didn't line up. 593 00:37:33,375 --> 00:37:37,083 I cannot believe I never stopped to say to him, 594 00:37:37,333 --> 00:37:38,958 "That doesn't all fit together." 595 00:37:39,958 --> 00:37:44,333 Right in my entire twenties I never questioned it. 596 00:37:55,666 --> 00:37:57,041 [soughing wind] 597 00:37:57,125 --> 00:37:59,041 [Marcus] Once I'd stepped into that realm, 598 00:38:00,375 --> 00:38:02,083 of not telling him the truth... 599 00:38:04,041 --> 00:38:05,333 I couldn't get out of it. 600 00:38:07,375 --> 00:38:09,166 And it then just snowballed 601 00:38:09,625 --> 00:38:12,416 to a point I had to stick with what I'd told him. 602 00:38:12,500 --> 00:38:14,125 [music fades out] 603 00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:18,000 Because otherwise I had to admit to him that I'd made 604 00:38:18,625 --> 00:38:21,166 a life up that didn't exist. 605 00:38:21,250 --> 00:38:23,250 [rain pattering] 606 00:38:32,083 --> 00:38:35,125 Lying to my brother has a toll on you. 607 00:38:38,375 --> 00:38:42,208 And it alters the way that you feel about yourself. 608 00:38:44,541 --> 00:38:49,541 I was lying to my best friend, my partner, my other half, 609 00:38:49,750 --> 00:38:54,500 every single day. And the guilt in doing that is so big. 610 00:38:55,708 --> 00:38:57,833 But telling him the truth was 611 00:38:57,916 --> 00:39:00,708 a thousand times worse than telling him a lie. 612 00:39:02,208 --> 00:39:05,083 So I was damned if I did, and I was damned if I didn't. 613 00:39:06,958 --> 00:39:08,958 [tires moving over gravel] 614 00:39:10,083 --> 00:39:11,833 So I had to choose between the two. 615 00:39:15,166 --> 00:39:17,583 And so I chose, in the end, 616 00:39:18,375 --> 00:39:22,000 to never tell him the truth of what happened in his childhood. 617 00:39:38,041 --> 00:39:39,458 [Marcus] We all like to think that 618 00:39:39,916 --> 00:39:42,500 we'd know who a pedophile is when they walk in a room, 619 00:39:43,541 --> 00:39:45,458 because they've got a big label on them. 620 00:39:46,375 --> 00:39:49,083 But in reality, it's just not like that. 621 00:39:53,583 --> 00:39:56,416 My mother sexually abused us 622 00:39:57,041 --> 00:39:59,125 up to the age of about 12 or 14. 623 00:40:01,708 --> 00:40:03,958 [tearfully] And why would you want to give that? 624 00:40:04,041 --> 00:40:06,875 I mean, what's that? I mean that's something... 625 00:40:07,375 --> 00:40:09,041 [normal voice] if I just told you today 626 00:40:09,291 --> 00:40:11,875 that that happened in your childhood, you knew nothing about it, 627 00:40:12,125 --> 00:40:13,625 it would fuck the rest of your life up. 628 00:40:15,708 --> 00:40:17,458 Why would you feel that it's necessary 629 00:40:17,833 --> 00:40:20,958 to give an emotionally disturbed 18-year-old 630 00:40:21,541 --> 00:40:23,625 information that he can't handle 631 00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:26,500 and is not necessary for him to know? 632 00:40:28,500 --> 00:40:30,708 And if it was the other round, I would expect him... 633 00:40:31,791 --> 00:40:33,541 I'd expect him to do the same. 634 00:40:34,333 --> 00:40:37,583 I would want him to do the same. I'd be angry if he hadn't done it. 635 00:40:38,916 --> 00:40:41,083 And I do feel very passionately about that. 636 00:40:41,541 --> 00:40:42,458 [inhales deeply] 637 00:40:42,541 --> 00:40:44,666 There are people that say, "The truth is the truth, 638 00:40:44,750 --> 00:40:47,500 and you should've told him. And he would have to go to therapy, 639 00:40:47,583 --> 00:40:50,416 and he'd have to deal with all of those things for the rest of his life. 640 00:40:50,666 --> 00:40:53,791 And it wasn't up to you to play God. And it wasn't up to you 641 00:40:54,375 --> 00:40:56,541 to-- to take away those things." 642 00:40:56,625 --> 00:40:59,125 [tearfully] But for me, [sniffles] the way I feel, 643 00:41:00,250 --> 00:41:03,083 I have it... and it's a shit feeling. 644 00:41:06,041 --> 00:41:07,708 [normal voice] He doesn't have that feeling. 645 00:41:07,791 --> 00:41:10,083 He doesn't know what it feels like to feel like that. 646 00:41:10,166 --> 00:41:12,333 I gave him a present of not knowing any of that. 647 00:41:14,166 --> 00:41:16,750 And so, for me, that has to be a gift. 648 00:41:16,916 --> 00:41:19,708 It has to be something precious 649 00:41:19,791 --> 00:41:23,041 that any human being would give to another one that they love. 650 00:41:23,166 --> 00:41:25,875 [tearfully] Anybody would do that. [sighs, gulps] 651 00:41:45,333 --> 00:41:47,333 [melancholic music playing] 652 00:41:49,375 --> 00:41:53,583 I had been living this life for Alex 653 00:41:54,583 --> 00:41:55,875 for so many years, 654 00:41:57,541 --> 00:41:59,583 doing all of the things that I was meant to do 655 00:41:59,666 --> 00:42:02,333 that fitted the narrative that I'd been giving him. 656 00:42:05,083 --> 00:42:09,166 It would be her birthday, and we'd arrive at the house, and we'd all hug and kiss. 657 00:42:10,625 --> 00:42:12,666 I mean, I just don't know what she was thinking. 658 00:42:13,958 --> 00:42:16,125 "Look, I've fucked these boys' lives up, 659 00:42:16,208 --> 00:42:18,000 and here they are singing Happy Birthday to me." 660 00:42:24,083 --> 00:42:26,833 We'd make a cake, and we'd all make a fuss, and we'd sing, 661 00:42:26,916 --> 00:42:29,500 and we'd do all of the things that you were meant to do in a family. 662 00:42:30,500 --> 00:42:32,791 Alex was doing what it said in the story books. 663 00:42:33,375 --> 00:42:35,791 He was doing what it said in the movies. 664 00:42:37,666 --> 00:42:41,333 "Go and give your Mom a kiss. Go and give this lady a kiss." 665 00:42:43,791 --> 00:42:45,500 And I watched from the sidelines. 666 00:42:51,416 --> 00:42:55,000 The pain and anguish that was going on inside me was explosive! 667 00:42:56,291 --> 00:43:00,083 And the power of just wanting it to go away 668 00:43:00,541 --> 00:43:03,583 is so intense and so strong 669 00:43:04,791 --> 00:43:09,500 that I began to believe the reality that I was creating. 670 00:43:10,666 --> 00:43:14,541 I needed to feel that actually it had never happened to me. 671 00:43:18,041 --> 00:43:21,458 Alex lost his memory by accident. 672 00:43:23,791 --> 00:43:26,041 And I lost my memory voluntarily. 673 00:43:30,833 --> 00:43:33,666 And it was great. And I was free. 674 00:43:34,916 --> 00:43:37,500 And I could be rid of all the things that she'd done to me. 675 00:43:38,333 --> 00:43:41,250 [tearfully] And all this hurt that she caused me. 676 00:43:41,833 --> 00:43:43,458 [sniffles] And all the shame. 677 00:43:46,250 --> 00:43:47,333 You feel ashamed. 678 00:43:48,416 --> 00:43:49,583 You feel dirty. 679 00:43:50,583 --> 00:43:51,666 You feel used. 680 00:43:55,541 --> 00:43:56,708 And all that was gone. 681 00:44:04,666 --> 00:44:07,166 I then suddenly had a nice childhood. 682 00:44:09,125 --> 00:44:10,916 I then suddenly had nice parents. 683 00:44:12,791 --> 00:44:14,333 I then wasn't abused. 684 00:44:15,958 --> 00:44:18,250 All of these things never happened to me either. 685 00:44:19,541 --> 00:44:23,083 So I was helping him not to have that childhood, 686 00:44:23,500 --> 00:44:25,625 and I was helping myself at the same time. 687 00:44:28,458 --> 00:44:30,458 And it was magical. 688 00:44:33,625 --> 00:44:36,041 If I close my eyes and really concentrated, 689 00:44:36,541 --> 00:44:38,041 of course it would all come back. 690 00:44:38,625 --> 00:44:40,666 But on the surface, on a daily level, 691 00:44:41,625 --> 00:44:43,375 I lived in the same circle as him. 692 00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:47,625 So it was a circle of convenience for me, 693 00:44:48,625 --> 00:44:50,125 and it was a necessary... 694 00:44:52,541 --> 00:44:54,458 evil lie... 695 00:44:56,916 --> 00:44:58,458 whatever you wanna call it for him. 696 00:45:03,875 --> 00:45:04,708 [sniffs] 697 00:45:05,791 --> 00:45:06,625 [gulps] 698 00:45:11,625 --> 00:45:13,125 Once my mother had died, 699 00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:16,208 once we had got her in the ground and she was gone, 700 00:45:17,083 --> 00:45:20,500 then it was as if the whole saga was finished. 701 00:45:21,000 --> 00:45:23,000 [fire crackling] 702 00:45:28,000 --> 00:45:32,541 When Alex found the photo, he was experiencing confusion. 703 00:45:34,291 --> 00:45:38,250 When I found the photo, I was experiencing 704 00:45:39,125 --> 00:45:41,333 the horror of what had happened to me. 705 00:45:43,541 --> 00:45:44,875 It can't be anything else. 706 00:45:45,208 --> 00:45:47,208 It can't be an accident. 707 00:45:47,291 --> 00:45:49,958 She couldn't have slipped with the scissors and chopped the heads off. 708 00:45:50,750 --> 00:45:53,500 It was something macabre and disturbing 709 00:45:54,500 --> 00:45:58,458 that needed to be put back in a jar instantly, 710 00:45:59,541 --> 00:46:02,333 or risk falling into the abyss. 711 00:46:04,916 --> 00:46:08,000 [Alex] That photo changed it for me. 712 00:46:09,833 --> 00:46:13,125 I just walked straight into the kitchen. 713 00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:17,708 Marcus is standing there, and I said to him, 714 00:46:18,333 --> 00:46:21,791 "Were we sexually abused or not?" 715 00:46:22,875 --> 00:46:24,958 And he turned around, and he went white. 716 00:46:25,791 --> 00:46:28,958 He didn't know what to do. He turned around, he had a cup of tea in his hand, 717 00:46:29,416 --> 00:46:31,708 and it dropped out of his hand onto the floor. 718 00:46:32,291 --> 00:46:38,166 In that split second, the whole circle evaporated instantly. 719 00:46:39,208 --> 00:46:42,625 And I'll never forget it, because I knew the game was up. 720 00:46:42,750 --> 00:46:45,875 -[melancholic violin music playing] -And he just looked at me, 721 00:46:46,875 --> 00:46:48,083 he was silent. 722 00:46:50,416 --> 00:46:56,500 He nodded. He just nodded a yes to me. He didn't say anything, he just nodded. 723 00:46:57,416 --> 00:46:59,541 And then he turned around, put his back to me, 724 00:47:00,583 --> 00:47:01,958 and walked into the garden. 725 00:47:14,125 --> 00:47:18,041 I say, "Did Mommy abuse us or not?" He said, "Yes, she did." 726 00:47:19,833 --> 00:47:21,500 He just put his arm around me, 727 00:47:22,166 --> 00:47:23,916 and he said, 728 00:47:24,791 --> 00:47:26,458 "Yeah, it's true." 729 00:47:29,291 --> 00:47:32,000 And we cried, both of us. 730 00:47:33,958 --> 00:47:35,666 [exasperated sigh] 731 00:47:38,083 --> 00:47:39,625 [cries] 732 00:47:42,166 --> 00:47:44,166 [exasperated sigh] 733 00:47:49,041 --> 00:47:52,541 I just cried and cried. [sighs] [tearfully] For days. 734 00:47:54,458 --> 00:47:55,791 For days and days. 735 00:47:57,000 --> 00:47:59,875 And... I just didn't know what to do. 736 00:48:00,875 --> 00:48:01,708 I... 737 00:48:02,583 --> 00:48:03,916 didn't know what to do. 738 00:48:04,500 --> 00:48:05,416 [sighs] 739 00:48:12,000 --> 00:48:15,000 I just kept saying, "No, it can't be Mommy. You've got it wrong." 740 00:48:16,625 --> 00:48:18,375 Our mother couldn't be a pedophile. 741 00:48:19,750 --> 00:48:21,208 She's not that kind of woman. 742 00:48:23,458 --> 00:48:27,791 She had her eccentricities to her, but she wasn't that. 743 00:48:34,166 --> 00:48:38,041 [Marcus] To my knowledge, my father never abused us. 744 00:48:39,750 --> 00:48:42,875 And, as much as I hated him because he was so horrible, 745 00:48:43,583 --> 00:48:46,500 I don't believe he ever knew that my mother was abusing us. 746 00:48:47,416 --> 00:48:48,750 I would like to think he did, 747 00:48:48,833 --> 00:48:51,708 and he should have done something about it, but he didn't. 748 00:48:54,458 --> 00:48:56,958 She had that amazing ability to... 749 00:48:57,750 --> 00:48:59,916 almost hypnotize 750 00:49:00,208 --> 00:49:03,416 people around her and get them to do what she wanted to do. 751 00:49:05,083 --> 00:49:07,041 Everybody thought she was amazing and lovely, 752 00:49:07,500 --> 00:49:08,791 when underneath she wasn't. 753 00:49:09,666 --> 00:49:13,375 Underneath she was a very complicated and... 754 00:49:15,291 --> 00:49:16,416 cruel person. 755 00:49:20,541 --> 00:49:23,083 [Alex] As hard as it was to accept what Mommy had done, 756 00:49:24,333 --> 00:49:27,458 it was much harder to accept what Marcus had done. 757 00:49:31,833 --> 00:49:35,708 That my own twin had actually lied to me. 758 00:49:39,291 --> 00:49:42,125 -The one person that I absolutely... -[Marcus sighs] 759 00:49:42,541 --> 00:49:44,208 ...trusted 100% 760 00:49:44,833 --> 00:49:45,958 has now betrayed me. 761 00:49:48,291 --> 00:49:49,541 I was angry with him. 762 00:49:50,250 --> 00:49:52,250 Really angry with him for the first time ever. 763 00:49:53,541 --> 00:49:57,333 I was angry with him that we knew everything about each other, 764 00:49:57,541 --> 00:50:00,208 and we had no secrets. We'd do everything together, 765 00:50:00,833 --> 00:50:06,125 yet, behind all of that, he still had a secret. 766 00:50:07,625 --> 00:50:11,541 How could we have secrets? We don't have secrets. We're twins. 767 00:50:11,833 --> 00:50:14,125 We're identical twins. We're joined. 768 00:50:14,375 --> 00:50:16,583 Secrets is not something that exists 769 00:50:17,333 --> 00:50:19,583 and has no place in our relationship. 770 00:50:21,125 --> 00:50:22,958 And yet, here it is. 771 00:50:23,250 --> 00:50:24,916 [Marcus] I was almost free of it. 772 00:50:25,041 --> 00:50:29,291 I genuinely got rid of it out of myself, out of my head. 773 00:50:30,000 --> 00:50:32,375 And Alex had just fucking taken it 774 00:50:32,458 --> 00:50:34,875 from this place that I'd worked so hard to put it 775 00:50:35,083 --> 00:50:39,500 and just dumped it on the table. In one second, just like that. 776 00:50:41,083 --> 00:50:43,250 I challenged him on it, 777 00:50:43,791 --> 00:50:47,250 and he just quite simply said that he wasn't prepared to talk about it. 778 00:50:48,166 --> 00:50:51,750 He said there was sexual abuse, and that was it. 779 00:50:51,875 --> 00:50:53,208 That was all he gave me. 780 00:50:55,333 --> 00:50:57,500 He would come and ask me, I'd say nothing. 781 00:50:57,583 --> 00:51:00,833 He'd come and ask me, I'd say nothing. 782 00:51:01,208 --> 00:51:03,208 I'd gone into shutdown. 783 00:51:03,583 --> 00:51:05,875 You know what, I've given you the one piece of information, 784 00:51:05,958 --> 00:51:08,750 I said yes. That's all you need to know. 785 00:51:11,291 --> 00:51:14,666 And we never spoke about any of it. 786 00:51:16,916 --> 00:51:18,125 [Marcus] I couldn't cope. 787 00:51:18,833 --> 00:51:21,250 I simply could not cope 788 00:51:21,833 --> 00:51:25,458 with the pain, with the-- with the kind of anguish of-- [inhales] 789 00:51:25,916 --> 00:51:28,000 I didn't have the tools to deal with it. 790 00:51:29,250 --> 00:51:31,958 I just wanted to run away and hide in a hole. 791 00:51:33,125 --> 00:51:34,250 And that's what I did. 792 00:51:41,500 --> 00:51:43,500 [thunder rumbling] 793 00:51:46,125 --> 00:51:47,416 [heavy rain pattering] 794 00:51:54,958 --> 00:51:56,208 [Alex] I was on my own. 795 00:51:57,583 --> 00:52:01,291 Possibly on my own for the first time in my entire life. 796 00:52:02,375 --> 00:52:04,375 [melancholic music playing] 797 00:52:04,583 --> 00:52:06,208 I had lost my twin. 798 00:52:07,208 --> 00:52:11,583 My one link to my whole existence. 799 00:52:17,916 --> 00:52:20,500 I was left with no details of what my mom had done. 800 00:52:20,791 --> 00:52:24,000 I was left with no details about which part of my life was real 801 00:52:24,083 --> 00:52:25,291 and which parts weren't. 802 00:52:26,416 --> 00:52:27,250 Nothing. 803 00:52:28,875 --> 00:52:30,875 [tires moving over gravel] 804 00:52:41,208 --> 00:52:42,958 What made this so hard 805 00:52:43,291 --> 00:52:46,708 was that I'd built my life around what Marcus had given me. 806 00:52:49,125 --> 00:52:53,166 So it wasn't that I'd just lost Marcus, I had also just lost myself. 807 00:52:56,166 --> 00:53:00,625 I've re-built my life from the age of 18 with nothing. 808 00:53:01,791 --> 00:53:06,041 I'm now 32, and I'm back to where I was before, ground zero. 809 00:53:06,125 --> 00:53:07,250 I'm back to nothing. 810 00:53:07,916 --> 00:53:10,833 I'm starting again, for the second time. 811 00:53:11,916 --> 00:53:17,291 If that's possible. And I've got to restructure my entire life again! 812 00:53:18,500 --> 00:53:20,500 [rummaging] 813 00:53:27,791 --> 00:53:29,166 So I started 814 00:53:29,750 --> 00:53:33,375 trying to find out who my mother was, 815 00:53:35,125 --> 00:53:36,833 what sort of person she was. 816 00:53:38,875 --> 00:53:40,750 What was this secret life like? 817 00:53:41,125 --> 00:53:43,125 [melancholic piano music playing] 818 00:53:47,708 --> 00:53:51,708 And that was almost an obsession. 819 00:53:56,041 --> 00:53:58,750 I started piecing things together. 820 00:54:00,625 --> 00:54:05,333 I started finding newspaper clips of my mother when she was a debutante. 821 00:54:05,416 --> 00:54:09,291 And I started finding, you know, any pieces of information. 822 00:54:14,958 --> 00:54:17,375 Mixed in with the letters that you would expect to see, 823 00:54:18,375 --> 00:54:21,375 I found lots of passionate love letters. 824 00:54:22,750 --> 00:54:26,125 Letters from people in the army, colonels, 825 00:54:26,208 --> 00:54:28,208 quite prominent people. 826 00:54:30,375 --> 00:54:33,000 Every single one of them absolutely adored her. 827 00:54:35,916 --> 00:54:39,541 I started to realize that her whole 828 00:54:39,791 --> 00:54:42,500 life revolved around sex. 829 00:54:44,625 --> 00:54:47,791 She had some sort of spell over them. 830 00:54:55,916 --> 00:54:57,291 I did love my mother. 831 00:54:59,500 --> 00:55:01,583 And she was part of my life. 832 00:55:04,000 --> 00:55:07,625 And it was very, very difficult 833 00:55:08,083 --> 00:55:11,500 to marry up the two moms. 834 00:55:13,375 --> 00:55:15,833 The one I knew and the one I found out about. 835 00:55:17,250 --> 00:55:19,041 It's just... 836 00:55:20,166 --> 00:55:21,750 bigger than I thought it was. 837 00:55:31,250 --> 00:55:33,458 It sent me into an unbelievable spin. 838 00:55:33,541 --> 00:55:35,375 -[cork popping] -[people cheering] 839 00:55:37,208 --> 00:55:38,666 What is real and what isn't real? 840 00:55:39,875 --> 00:55:41,625 What if the whole damn lot... 841 00:55:41,708 --> 00:55:43,125 [loud muffled boom] 842 00:55:43,375 --> 00:55:44,833 ...is a made up story? 843 00:55:49,125 --> 00:55:52,625 -Nothing makes sense. -[high pitched ringing] 844 00:55:53,583 --> 00:55:56,541 [motorcycle squeals, loud bang] 845 00:55:57,333 --> 00:55:58,875 What else don't I know? 846 00:55:59,291 --> 00:56:01,291 [silence] 847 00:56:13,750 --> 00:56:15,875 I got so down and so depressed 848 00:56:17,666 --> 00:56:19,458 and so confused... 849 00:56:20,291 --> 00:56:21,666 about who I was. 850 00:56:24,750 --> 00:56:27,291 I even had suicidal thoughts. 851 00:56:27,625 --> 00:56:31,041 I-- I couldn't, I just couldn't cope with day-to-day life. 852 00:56:36,666 --> 00:56:37,958 And it was very... 853 00:56:40,250 --> 00:56:41,250 difficult... 854 00:56:42,708 --> 00:56:43,666 to deal with. 855 00:56:49,125 --> 00:56:53,083 One of the big things that saves me was meeting my wife. 856 00:56:54,666 --> 00:56:58,000 I met someone who was prepared not only to take me on, 857 00:56:58,291 --> 00:57:02,125 but was prepared to take on this extraordinary history 858 00:57:03,500 --> 00:57:06,958 and help me through my quest for the truth. 859 00:57:08,250 --> 00:57:09,833 [melancholic music playing] 860 00:57:09,958 --> 00:57:12,375 So we got married, and we've had two children. 861 00:57:13,708 --> 00:57:16,333 And Marcus also got married, and he's got two children. 862 00:57:16,416 --> 00:57:17,333 [inhales] 863 00:57:17,416 --> 00:57:19,083 And we both got on with our lives. 864 00:57:24,166 --> 00:57:27,166 [Marcus] I was determined to not let this affect my life. 865 00:57:27,500 --> 00:57:30,791 So I managed to put it away into Pandora's box, shut the lid, 866 00:57:31,250 --> 00:57:33,666 and get on with a very happy life. 867 00:57:34,416 --> 00:57:35,541 I've had lots of fun. 868 00:57:35,625 --> 00:57:38,333 I've had amazing relationships. I've got an amazing wife. 869 00:57:38,416 --> 00:57:41,000 I've done all these incredible things in my life 870 00:57:41,208 --> 00:57:44,000 without having to deal with any of that stuff. 871 00:57:44,083 --> 00:57:45,375 I just locked it away. 872 00:57:52,500 --> 00:57:56,041 [Alex] I think what makes this story even more strange 873 00:57:56,458 --> 00:58:00,083 is the fact that we do everything together. 874 00:58:01,250 --> 00:58:03,583 For the last 20 years, we've worked together, 875 00:58:03,875 --> 00:58:06,833 we run our companies together, we do everything together. 876 00:58:11,500 --> 00:58:13,666 We even wrote a book about our experience. 877 00:58:16,375 --> 00:58:18,416 But Marcus just wouldn't open up. 878 00:58:21,458 --> 00:58:24,166 He wouldn't go where I needed him to go. 879 00:58:29,125 --> 00:58:30,625 I had questions, 880 00:58:32,000 --> 00:58:33,458 and I needed answers. 881 00:58:34,625 --> 00:58:37,541 And he wasn't prepared to give them to me. 882 00:58:38,625 --> 00:58:40,875 And still hasn't to this day. 883 00:58:43,041 --> 00:58:43,958 [music fades out] 884 00:58:46,666 --> 00:58:49,250 [Marcus] I've been silent about the real details 885 00:58:49,333 --> 00:58:50,958 of what happened for 20 years. 886 00:58:52,500 --> 00:58:54,708 And I look back on it now, it's appalling what I did. 887 00:58:55,625 --> 00:58:57,458 I should have gone and given him a hug. 888 00:58:57,625 --> 00:59:00,541 We should've sat down and talked about it, "How we're gonna get through it? 889 00:59:00,625 --> 00:59:03,916 Let's go for some therapy. Let's do this together." 890 00:59:04,291 --> 00:59:05,500 And I did the opposite. 891 00:59:08,083 --> 00:59:10,083 [melancholic music playing] 892 00:59:10,791 --> 00:59:13,333 I left him to hang out and dry, all on his own. 893 00:59:15,541 --> 00:59:19,333 [scoffs] I mean, I just can't believe that I was capable of doing that... 894 00:59:19,958 --> 00:59:20,833 to him. 895 00:59:21,625 --> 00:59:24,041 And it's shameful, what I did. 896 00:59:26,333 --> 00:59:29,875 And one day he'll forgive me for that, but... 897 00:59:31,791 --> 00:59:33,666 [breathes deeply] 898 00:59:35,125 --> 00:59:36,166 It's too much. 899 00:59:38,041 --> 00:59:39,000 Too much. 900 00:59:39,666 --> 00:59:41,666 [breathing deeply] 901 00:59:45,916 --> 00:59:48,000 [music fades out] 902 00:59:58,375 --> 00:59:59,708 [eerie music playing] 903 01:00:00,000 --> 01:00:02,000 [breathes deeply] 904 01:00:10,333 --> 01:00:12,416 [Alex] I still don't know who I am. 905 01:00:15,125 --> 01:00:17,125 [breathes deeply] 906 01:00:18,125 --> 01:00:20,208 What I need my brother to do now is talk... 907 01:00:22,666 --> 01:00:26,833 so I can work out what is real and what isn't real. 908 01:00:31,583 --> 01:00:34,166 I need him to give me the last piece of the jigsaw puzzle. 909 01:00:37,375 --> 01:00:38,666 What really happened 910 01:00:40,875 --> 01:00:42,000 back in that house 911 01:00:44,166 --> 01:00:45,375 all those years ago. 912 01:00:58,041 --> 01:00:58,875 [gulps] 913 01:01:10,375 --> 01:01:11,291 [gulps] 914 01:01:15,666 --> 01:01:16,625 Bit close to you. 915 01:01:16,791 --> 01:01:17,875 [Alex chuckles] 916 01:01:20,666 --> 01:01:22,958 -There you go. -Yeah. Just a tad. 917 01:01:26,250 --> 01:01:31,041 It does seem amazing that we've done so much together. 918 01:01:31,416 --> 01:01:34,041 We've gone through so many different things, 919 01:01:35,208 --> 01:01:37,958 but without ever actually sitting down 920 01:01:39,166 --> 01:01:42,125 and saying, "What was all that about then?" 921 01:01:44,000 --> 01:01:45,750 I've always felt I never needed to. 922 01:01:45,916 --> 01:01:49,000 I've always felt that you trusted me enough... 923 01:01:51,166 --> 01:01:54,291 and respected me enough to not have to know all the details. 924 01:01:56,833 --> 01:02:00,666 Yeah. I did accept each thing as you said it along the way, 925 01:02:01,375 --> 01:02:04,083 but sort of the more I learn, as we've gone through the story, 926 01:02:05,166 --> 01:02:08,500 the more extraordinary it was 927 01:02:09,000 --> 01:02:11,416 how I didn't question anything you said. 928 01:02:14,000 --> 01:02:15,541 And the... 929 01:02:16,625 --> 01:02:17,916 cost to me, 930 01:02:18,291 --> 01:02:19,958 personally, was enormous. 931 01:02:21,833 --> 01:02:25,791 It was a much harder journey for me to go through 932 01:02:26,041 --> 01:02:30,000 than you ever imagined or actually stopped to even work out. 933 01:02:33,166 --> 01:02:35,500 And for me, your secrecy 934 01:02:36,333 --> 01:02:40,166 is something that I just have found very difficult 935 01:02:40,666 --> 01:02:43,916 because we know everything together. 936 01:02:44,250 --> 01:02:47,250 We're identical twins, we understand things together, we're linked together. 937 01:02:48,333 --> 01:02:50,458 Yet we have this 938 01:02:51,041 --> 01:02:52,000 unbelievable 939 01:02:52,625 --> 01:02:54,625 separation of silence 940 01:02:55,208 --> 01:02:57,291 that I'm desperately trying to ask questions, 941 01:02:57,375 --> 01:02:59,333 and you're desperately trying not to answer them. 942 01:03:01,875 --> 01:03:03,458 And for me, I feel... 943 01:03:05,791 --> 01:03:08,708 that once I've got it, I can stop my journey. 944 01:03:10,166 --> 01:03:12,541 Do you see what I mean? I need to stop my journey. 945 01:03:12,833 --> 01:03:14,500 I need to stop searching. 946 01:03:15,000 --> 01:03:16,958 And you can finally be rid of it 947 01:03:17,125 --> 01:03:20,166 at the same time, so we've both got something to gain from this. 948 01:03:20,708 --> 01:03:23,083 -Just as much as each other. -I know we have. 949 01:03:23,708 --> 01:03:24,666 You know. 950 01:03:24,750 --> 01:03:27,000 And you've got to understand that once you came to me 951 01:03:27,458 --> 01:03:29,500 on that day that I'll never forget and you asked 952 01:03:29,916 --> 01:03:31,291 whether our mother abused us, 953 01:03:31,958 --> 01:03:34,166 and I simply said, "Yes" but nothing else... 954 01:03:36,666 --> 01:03:38,333 I thought that was perfectly adequate 955 01:03:38,416 --> 01:03:40,208 and you could get on with your life with that. 956 01:03:41,916 --> 01:03:44,416 But it wasn't. It wasn't for me. 957 01:03:45,458 --> 01:03:46,541 That one moment... 958 01:03:47,708 --> 01:03:49,000 cost me dearly. 959 01:03:49,958 --> 01:03:51,708 Well, it cost me pretty hard, Alex, 960 01:03:52,958 --> 01:03:57,833 because by giving that to you, I then had to give it all back to myself, 961 01:03:58,208 --> 01:04:00,833 which I'd spent fucking years getting rid of. 962 01:04:01,416 --> 01:04:03,625 Burying and burying and burying it. 963 01:04:05,250 --> 01:04:06,833 Silence, silence, silence. 964 01:04:07,000 --> 01:04:09,583 Yeah, but it allowed me to have a free life, 965 01:04:10,166 --> 01:04:11,625 as you were having a free life. 966 01:04:12,250 --> 01:04:13,625 Free of child abuse. 967 01:04:15,208 --> 01:04:17,833 When I took it away from you, I took it away from me. 968 01:04:18,666 --> 01:04:19,875 Do you not understand that? 969 01:04:24,000 --> 01:04:25,541 I'd been silent for me. 970 01:04:28,708 --> 01:04:29,583 For me. 971 01:04:32,041 --> 01:04:34,416 [tearfully] If I gave it to you, I had to give it to me. 972 01:04:35,041 --> 01:04:38,750 And I have not been ready to break the silence. 973 01:04:39,666 --> 01:04:41,125 A silence is a lie. 974 01:04:41,208 --> 01:04:43,583 I have been lying to myself 975 01:04:44,208 --> 01:04:47,541 for 20 years that I was abused. 976 01:04:49,125 --> 01:04:50,958 That is my defense mechanism. 977 01:04:51,041 --> 01:04:54,250 It is a lie. Being silent is a lie. 978 01:04:55,125 --> 01:04:57,458 And telling you what you wanted to know 979 01:04:58,458 --> 01:04:59,958 is breaking the silence. 980 01:05:01,208 --> 01:05:03,541 -Any of the information? -Anything, Alex, 981 01:05:03,625 --> 01:05:06,583 anything more than, "Yes, my mother abused us." 982 01:05:06,666 --> 01:05:09,416 I gave you the informa-- You asked me a question, I told you the answer. 983 01:05:09,500 --> 01:05:11,416 Everything else is off the table. 984 01:05:12,500 --> 01:05:14,333 I couldn't cope with it anymore. 985 01:05:17,958 --> 01:05:19,791 [tearfully] Don't you understand, Ali? 986 01:05:20,291 --> 01:05:22,250 [tearfully] No, I didn't. I didn't understand. 987 01:05:22,708 --> 01:05:25,666 -That's why. That's why, Ali. -I didn't understand it. 988 01:05:28,041 --> 01:05:29,250 I couldn't do that. 989 01:05:30,291 --> 01:05:31,791 I was too much of a coward. 990 01:05:32,125 --> 01:05:34,750 Totally and utterly too much of a coward 991 01:05:35,666 --> 01:05:37,208 to give you anything, 992 01:05:38,250 --> 01:05:39,083 anything. 993 01:05:39,916 --> 01:05:42,625 [normal voice] So I've spent 20 years searching for it. 994 01:05:43,500 --> 01:05:44,875 Driving myself mad. 995 01:05:46,166 --> 01:05:50,333 Spending hours talking to people, finding things, scraps of information. 996 01:05:51,125 --> 01:05:54,625 -It ran, it totally ran my life. -But why couldn't you let it go? 997 01:05:54,791 --> 01:05:56,833 -Why couldn't you accept it? -I c-- I couldn't. 998 01:05:57,333 --> 01:05:59,083 I just could not let it go. 999 01:05:59,666 --> 01:06:01,583 Do you understand why I couldn't give it to you? 1000 01:06:01,666 --> 01:06:04,208 Yeah, I do. I do understand that. 1001 01:06:05,208 --> 01:06:07,250 So I was silently doing all my stuff, 1002 01:06:07,875 --> 01:06:11,708 trying to find it, and you were silently trying not to give me anything. 1003 01:06:11,791 --> 01:06:14,708 -I had no choice, Ali. -And so it went on and on and on. 1004 01:06:14,916 --> 01:06:16,250 I had no choice. 1005 01:06:19,041 --> 01:06:21,125 We're 54 years old. 1006 01:06:23,250 --> 01:06:26,166 Fifty-four years old, for fuck's sake. 1007 01:06:26,791 --> 01:06:28,458 Having this conversation now. 1008 01:06:29,166 --> 01:06:31,083 We should have had it when we were 20. 1009 01:06:32,041 --> 01:06:34,250 What a fucking waste of 30 years. 1010 01:06:35,833 --> 01:06:36,708 Honestly. 1011 01:06:39,541 --> 01:06:40,541 But we're here now. 1012 01:06:42,708 --> 01:06:43,541 Yeah, we are. 1013 01:06:54,916 --> 01:06:57,375 [inhales, exhales softly] 1014 01:07:10,750 --> 01:07:11,583 [sighs] 1015 01:07:12,166 --> 01:07:13,000 I-- 1016 01:07:14,958 --> 01:07:17,750 I don't think I've got the strength to tell you to your face 1017 01:07:17,916 --> 01:07:19,250 what really happened. 1018 01:07:20,125 --> 01:07:23,375 But I have had a conversation about it on camera 1019 01:07:24,125 --> 01:07:26,458 and maybe you should have a look at that. 1020 01:07:27,791 --> 01:07:29,916 And that will give you everything that you need to know. 1021 01:07:33,000 --> 01:07:34,666 And you're happy for me to see that? 1022 01:07:36,541 --> 01:07:39,166 I'm not saying I'm happy. I'm feeling that 1023 01:07:39,333 --> 01:07:41,000 -I have a necessity. -A necessity. 1024 01:07:42,541 --> 01:07:45,666 It's a necessity, Alex. We've come to the end of the lie. 1025 01:07:46,958 --> 01:07:47,875 You look at it. 1026 01:07:48,625 --> 01:07:51,125 [tearfully] But I just can't do it to your face, Ali. 1027 01:07:51,208 --> 01:07:53,083 I'm gonna go away and let you watch it. 1028 01:07:54,750 --> 01:07:55,750 And then we're done. 1029 01:07:56,958 --> 01:07:58,500 -Okay. -Are you ready to do that? 1030 01:08:00,375 --> 01:08:01,208 Yes. 1031 01:08:07,666 --> 01:08:09,958 Well, you're making me very scared now, but... 1032 01:08:11,291 --> 01:08:13,750 I don't really understand why you need to see it. 1033 01:08:14,208 --> 01:08:15,541 I still don't get it. 1034 01:08:16,625 --> 01:08:19,125 So we can be fully connected again, Markie. 1035 01:08:20,625 --> 01:08:23,125 -I guess so. -I need the lie to stop. 1036 01:08:25,708 --> 01:08:27,416 And I need my life to be real. 1037 01:08:30,000 --> 01:08:33,083 My life is not real. My life is the one you gave me, Markie. 1038 01:08:33,291 --> 01:08:35,083 My life is what you wanted it to be. 1039 01:08:36,041 --> 01:08:37,875 My life has been dictated by you. 1040 01:08:38,958 --> 01:08:41,166 I need something. I need to own this. 1041 01:08:43,250 --> 01:08:45,541 -Okay. All right. -Okay? 1042 01:08:47,291 --> 01:08:48,416 [sighs] 1043 01:08:56,375 --> 01:08:57,791 [gulps] 1044 01:09:25,791 --> 01:09:27,125 [exhales] 1045 01:09:28,625 --> 01:09:29,583 [click] 1046 01:09:47,708 --> 01:09:48,541 [sighs] 1047 01:09:49,333 --> 01:09:51,333 [breathes deeply] 1048 01:10:03,208 --> 01:10:04,875 I've never told a living soul... 1049 01:10:06,166 --> 01:10:07,458 about what happened. 1050 01:10:10,791 --> 01:10:12,541 I barely told myself what happened. 1051 01:10:14,333 --> 01:10:16,625 So you're asking me to give you something 1052 01:10:18,375 --> 01:10:20,583 that I've never given to anybody in my life. 1053 01:10:24,958 --> 01:10:27,166 [breathes deeply] 1054 01:10:32,333 --> 01:10:33,166 [sniffs] 1055 01:10:33,458 --> 01:10:34,291 [gulps] 1056 01:10:49,750 --> 01:10:50,583 Okay. 1057 01:10:50,875 --> 01:10:51,958 [clink] 1058 01:10:52,041 --> 01:10:55,250 [breathes deeply] Just as a "fuck you" to her. Let's do it. 1059 01:11:02,250 --> 01:11:06,375 My mother would take us into her room... 1060 01:11:07,541 --> 01:11:09,250 she would take us into her bed. 1061 01:11:11,541 --> 01:11:13,375 She would make us touch each other. 1062 01:11:13,458 --> 01:11:16,208 She would make us play with each other. 1063 01:11:17,375 --> 01:11:21,750 She would touch us. She would masturbate us. 1064 01:11:23,500 --> 01:11:27,583 She would do things that no mother should ever do to their child. 1065 01:11:30,000 --> 01:11:31,291 And then she moved on. 1066 01:11:31,916 --> 01:11:34,958 Not only did she want to do those things for her own gratification, 1067 01:11:35,916 --> 01:11:38,041 she then passed us around to her friends. 1068 01:11:39,333 --> 01:11:42,291 So she would drive us to friends' houses, 1069 01:11:42,958 --> 01:11:46,708 have dinner and a glass of wine, and then leave us there. 1070 01:11:48,708 --> 01:11:50,875 Never together, always on our own. 1071 01:11:52,000 --> 01:11:55,916 And then some strange man that I'd never met and I never knew 1072 01:11:56,416 --> 01:11:59,958 would take me into his bed and touch me 1073 01:12:00,875 --> 01:12:04,041 and rape me and violate me. 1074 01:12:05,916 --> 01:12:07,500 For his gratification. 1075 01:12:09,000 --> 01:12:11,916 And then, in the morning, my mother would come and pick me up 1076 01:12:12,458 --> 01:12:13,500 and drive me home. 1077 01:12:14,875 --> 01:12:17,291 Never speaking, never talking. 1078 01:12:17,791 --> 01:12:21,916 What did I do in the car? I was silent and I was quiet. 1079 01:12:23,875 --> 01:12:26,375 Always silent, always quiet. 1080 01:12:27,333 --> 01:12:29,708 And then it would happen again and again. 1081 01:12:31,375 --> 01:12:33,083 And then she would take Alex away. 1082 01:12:33,958 --> 01:12:35,416 I would be lying in my bed... 1083 01:12:35,500 --> 01:12:37,875 -[sobbing] -...in my room. 1084 01:12:38,625 --> 01:12:40,625 Alex wouldn't be there, he's my twin. 1085 01:12:41,125 --> 01:12:42,958 He would be staying with a friend. 1086 01:12:44,208 --> 01:12:47,166 And this was something that was a normality in our life. 1087 01:12:47,375 --> 01:12:49,041 This was something we grew up with. 1088 01:12:49,875 --> 01:12:51,208 And we accept it. 1089 01:12:52,500 --> 01:12:53,708 Children accept it. 1090 01:12:54,208 --> 01:12:57,791 Children will accept anything because they love their parents. 1091 01:12:58,583 --> 01:13:03,916 And they think that what their parents is doing is part of growing up. 1092 01:13:06,000 --> 01:13:07,416 We don't have the capacity 1093 01:13:08,500 --> 01:13:09,708 to feel that we... 1094 01:13:10,541 --> 01:13:11,875 [tearfully] know it's wrong. 1095 01:13:12,375 --> 01:13:13,208 And... 1096 01:13:14,625 --> 01:13:15,458 [gulps] 1097 01:13:16,000 --> 01:13:18,416 [normal voice] even now, all these years later, 1098 01:13:19,458 --> 01:13:20,791 I think to myself, 1099 01:13:21,666 --> 01:13:23,041 "Fuck you, Mother. 1100 01:13:23,166 --> 01:13:27,833 How fucking dare you think that you can do that to me?" 1101 01:13:30,041 --> 01:13:33,791 But she's gone. She's died. She's got away with it. 1102 01:13:35,125 --> 01:13:36,666 And I can't say that to her. 1103 01:13:38,000 --> 01:13:39,375 And I regret that. 1104 01:13:40,125 --> 01:13:41,583 I bitterly regret that. 1105 01:13:44,125 --> 01:13:44,958 [gulps] 1106 01:13:45,500 --> 01:13:48,125 But now... I'm speaking out. 1107 01:13:49,125 --> 01:13:50,333 Now I'm telling you. 1108 01:13:50,958 --> 01:13:53,625 I've never met you all. I don't know who you are. 1109 01:13:54,208 --> 01:13:58,333 [tearfully] But you know who my mother is. And you know what she's done is wrong. 1110 01:14:01,000 --> 01:14:03,625 [exasperated sigh] And that's very powerful. 1111 01:14:04,458 --> 01:14:05,416 And I need that. 1112 01:14:07,541 --> 01:14:08,625 We all need that. 1113 01:14:12,000 --> 01:14:12,833 [exhales] 1114 01:14:13,416 --> 01:14:14,250 [sniffles] 1115 01:14:30,958 --> 01:14:31,875 [sighs] 1116 01:14:47,833 --> 01:14:49,833 [breathes deeply] 1117 01:14:54,750 --> 01:14:58,291 [leaves rustling] 1118 01:15:11,083 --> 01:15:13,083 [car engine starts] 1119 01:15:16,875 --> 01:15:18,875 [tires moving over gravel] 1120 01:15:28,875 --> 01:15:30,791 [car engine fading away] 1121 01:15:35,041 --> 01:15:37,041 [silence] 1122 01:15:44,666 --> 01:15:46,041 [chair dragging] 1123 01:15:46,125 --> 01:15:47,125 [Marcus exhales] 1124 01:16:00,833 --> 01:16:01,875 I knew some of that. 1125 01:16:02,833 --> 01:16:05,375 I guessed some of that. I thought about some of that. 1126 01:16:07,125 --> 01:16:08,791 I just didn't know the magnitude of it. 1127 01:16:12,750 --> 01:16:14,250 I didn't know it was as big as that. 1128 01:16:14,333 --> 01:16:16,333 [eerie music playing] 1129 01:16:23,500 --> 01:16:24,333 [exhales] 1130 01:16:30,000 --> 01:16:32,000 [rain pattering] 1131 01:16:41,041 --> 01:16:44,250 [Alex] How d-- how did we get out of that house in one piece? 1132 01:16:48,333 --> 01:16:49,833 Do you want to hear about all that? 1133 01:16:50,958 --> 01:16:53,166 We're here now. We're never gonna do this again. 1134 01:16:55,083 --> 01:16:56,416 [grunts] 1135 01:16:57,833 --> 01:16:59,875 So, the last time that I was... 1136 01:17:01,541 --> 01:17:04,125 passed about, for want of a better word... 1137 01:17:06,083 --> 01:17:08,750 I was driven to London by Mommy. 1138 01:17:11,333 --> 01:17:14,500 She had dinner with this guy, an artist. 1139 01:17:16,125 --> 01:17:17,916 Supposedly quite a famous artist. 1140 01:17:18,583 --> 01:17:19,625 We had dinner. 1141 01:17:20,000 --> 01:17:21,000 She left. 1142 01:17:22,916 --> 01:17:24,458 And I stayed in the house. 1143 01:17:25,750 --> 01:17:30,208 And then he came into my-- into this room, which was surrounded by paintings 1144 01:17:30,583 --> 01:17:31,875 and it had a four-poster bed, 1145 01:17:31,958 --> 01:17:34,291 and he got into into the bed with me and started touching me. 1146 01:17:37,083 --> 01:17:39,916 [clicks tongue] And I was 14 years old. 1147 01:17:41,541 --> 01:17:45,250 And once he got down to my genitals... 1148 01:17:46,791 --> 01:17:49,000 I sat up in bed and I said, "No. 1149 01:17:50,833 --> 01:17:53,125 I don't want this. I don't like this." 1150 01:17:53,833 --> 01:17:55,000 And I pushed him away, 1151 01:17:55,541 --> 01:17:58,791 and he got very aggressive. And I managed to get out of his house. 1152 01:18:01,125 --> 01:18:03,708 -And I got home. -How did you get home? 1153 01:18:05,625 --> 01:18:06,875 How's that even possible? 1154 01:18:07,666 --> 01:18:10,541 I walked down to the tube. 1155 01:18:12,083 --> 01:18:15,708 I jumped on a tube with no money, but you could do in those days. 1156 01:18:16,291 --> 01:18:18,041 I got onto the train with no money. 1157 01:18:19,583 --> 01:18:20,708 And I walked home. 1158 01:18:29,833 --> 01:18:32,458 And I came in, I knocked on the window, and you let me in. 1159 01:18:33,666 --> 01:18:36,708 I got into my bed and I went to sleep. 1160 01:18:40,250 --> 01:18:43,250 -And the next day we carried on-- -What the hell did Mommy say to that then? 1161 01:18:43,333 --> 01:18:45,458 How-- She didn't even know you were in the house? 1162 01:18:46,458 --> 01:18:49,375 Nothing. I came up in the morning. We had breakfast. 1163 01:18:49,833 --> 01:18:51,875 She looked very surprised that I was there. 1164 01:18:53,625 --> 01:18:56,833 And I looked at her. And she looked at me. 1165 01:18:58,458 --> 01:18:59,875 And it never happened again. 1166 01:19:01,875 --> 01:19:04,625 -And that was the end of it, Ali. -Without saying anything? 1167 01:19:04,833 --> 01:19:06,583 [tearfully] Without saying anything. 1168 01:19:08,541 --> 01:19:09,625 [mutters] Fuck. 1169 01:19:13,291 --> 01:19:15,166 And she never did it to you again. 1170 01:19:16,000 --> 01:19:19,083 You never left. You never were out of the house again. 1171 01:19:20,083 --> 01:19:21,291 And it was finished. 1172 01:19:22,958 --> 01:19:23,791 [gulps] 1173 01:19:24,833 --> 01:19:26,083 That's how it stopped. 1174 01:19:27,375 --> 01:19:28,208 [sighs] 1175 01:19:47,333 --> 01:19:49,333 [breathes deeply] 1176 01:19:51,291 --> 01:19:52,625 Now you've got everything. 1177 01:19:54,208 --> 01:19:55,583 You've got everything, Ali. 1178 01:19:58,250 --> 01:19:59,333 That's what I needed. 1179 01:20:01,083 --> 01:20:02,166 That's what I needed. 1180 01:20:03,625 --> 01:20:04,458 Yeah. 1181 01:20:05,000 --> 01:20:07,000 No more lies! No more lies. 1182 01:20:07,958 --> 01:20:10,208 No more silence. No more secrets. 1183 01:20:14,666 --> 01:20:17,958 And I have you back... with me. 1184 01:20:22,625 --> 01:20:23,458 [exhales] 1185 01:20:25,416 --> 01:20:27,416 [both crying] 1186 01:20:35,625 --> 01:20:36,541 [groans] 1187 01:20:37,916 --> 01:20:38,791 [sobs] 1188 01:20:45,416 --> 01:20:47,416 [birds chirping] 1189 01:21:04,541 --> 01:21:07,541 [Alex] There is no way for me to repay him for what he's done. 1190 01:21:12,750 --> 01:21:14,750 And there is no words I can say to him. 1191 01:21:18,875 --> 01:21:19,791 But he knows. 1192 01:21:21,041 --> 01:21:22,041 And that's enough. 1193 01:21:29,625 --> 01:21:30,583 It's over. 1194 01:21:32,083 --> 01:21:33,041 Finally. 1195 01:21:36,833 --> 01:21:37,833 And we move on. 1196 01:21:54,041 --> 01:21:56,041 [soft piano music playing]