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Your interests are sort of narrow and limited,
and I'm not using the word "acute" correctly.
I don't think that's the right word to describe you.
But your interests are really sort of...
specific and specialized and to just a few things like...
fashion and reality television and your phone.
And that's okay.
And me, I'm a little more obtuse, you know?
My interests are a little bit more broad.
I like, um, everything else that's going on around me.
I like, you know, being an adult
and culture and arts and reading in general.
You know, general reading.
And what is see is,
I see you, uh, going this way
and taking your gorgeous five-year-old daughter with you,
and you guys are gonna go that way.
I'm here. I've always been here.
But now I'm heading this way.
So we are heading in these two directions separately.
And, um...
That's, uh...
That's kind of like a weird cinnamon Pop-Tart, that flavor.
I think it's a good thing that we're separate now.
I think that we've had a fantastic time,
and now is the time to let bygones be bygones
and just sort of call it a day.
I'm pregnant.
♪♪
♪ There's a pain ♪
♪ In my heart
♪ And it's deep ♪
♪ Down inside
♪ It's there ♪
♪ There to stay
♪ Till you come back to me
♪ There's a pain ♪
♪ In my heart
♪ And it's tearing me apart ♪
♪♪
♪ Didn't wanna have to do it ♪
♪ Didn't wanna have to break your heart ♪
♪ Didn't wanna have to do it ♪
♪ I kept her hoping from the very start ♪
♪ But you
♪ Kept on a-trying
♪ And I knew
♪ That you'd end up crying ♪
♪ And I knew I didn't wanna have to do it ♪
♪ At all
♪♪
Turn to Psalm 23, please.
"The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures.
He leadeth me beside still waters.
He restoreth my soul.
He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness."
♪ Could Jesus have a garden for a flowers gain ♪
♪ Where you and I can gather those ♪
- Hey, Kim. - Hi, dear.
- Hi. - It's so good to see you.
Hey.
- You been good? - Yeah.
You feel good.
How did you know Judy?
I'm her daughter.
I won't be in town. I got... plans.
- Fuck - Do you want help with that?
I'm locked out of my own phone.
I just eat when I'm nervous.
You know, funerals make me nervous.
Did that hurt?
You got a little schmutz on you.
Where have you been?
School.
Right.
What do you have to do, see about a boy?
What's his name, Alan?
I never know what you're talking about.
Was his name not Alan? Was it Alison?
It's hard to tell from the haircut
if it was a boy or a girl.
Are you stalking me on Facebook?
You have some schmutz on you.
Sorry that I never ran into you at the hospital.
Yeah, I never went to the hospital.
She was there almost a whole year.
Poor thing.
My lord, Master Youngblood, the rebel planet is closing in.
Look at that. That man's a half-a-horse, isn't he?
- Uh-huh. - Mm-hm.
Prepare the armies, Petar.
But, sir, we'll surely be stricken down
by the insurmountable might of their armies.
You may be immortal, sir,
but our armies, they'll be snuffed out
like the flames of Ridgewind.
Last blood moon, I swore on my father,
son of Balthazar...
That's a bad show.
And by the power of this sword,
- it shall be so. - Yes, my lord.
They say I had the best hair in daytime television.
The couch is buzzing.
- Hmm? - The couch is buzzing.
Oh.
Hmm.
Hey, Dad.
Hey, sweetie. How are you?
- I'm good. How are you? - I'm good.
Look at your hair. Turn your head to the side.
Oh, my God, it's really short.
- I cut it. - You did cut it.
You cut it all off. It looks really good.
Thank you. How've you been? What's new?
What is that behind you? Is that a parrot?
A cockatoo. I didn't pick it out.
How, uh, how are they?
They're good, they're good.
She starts preschool in a few months.
Which one?
Good one.
All right, so am I picking you up at the airport,
or you staying with your mother again?
Oh, I totally forgot.
I can't come this week.
- I'm sorry. - Sorry.
You're breaking up.
You sounded like you said you're not coming.
I can't this week,
but I promise I'm gonna come later this year.
I'm going down to Big Sur this week with some friends,
and it's kind of important.
We already booked it and everything.
Oh, God, Big Sur.
Big Sur is fantastic.
Yeah. It's gonna be great. I wish you were there.
Well, you know,
actually, I'm gonna be up at Creature Con
in San Francisco this weekend.
I could just take the car. I could drive up.
Oh!
I could stay with you for a few days.
Yeah, yeah, that could work. I mean, I think--
I don't know if we have any extra rooms or anything.
I'm easy. I'm totally easy. All I need is a bed.
Okay.
So you're gonna come.
I'm gonna come. I'm coming.
Okay, great.
Fuck.
Fuck!
So fucking fuck. I don't know what to do about it.
They say it's gonna take a week to get some part.
No, a week.
I'll get there. I just--
Nic.
God.
So you don't want me to come?
It's not that.
I just wanna reconnect with Nic and tell her in person.
You can totally do all of that with me there.
Yeah, maybe, but she's always a bit standoffish
whenever I bring around the girl
that ended my marriage to her mother.
- Hey, hey, whoa! Baby! - What?
My doula said it's totally safe for the baby.
Plus, it's not even real smoking.
Okay, well, this isn't a real gun,
but you can't do this at a cop.
It's bad.
Why can't you just like call her or send her a text?
Why do you have to be so dramatical?
She's my daughter. I'm not gonna send her
some pacifier and confetti
or pregnant panda emoji or some such shit.
So you're seriously okay
with missing Kelsey Tumble's 23rd birthday party
in the treasure room at Club Deviant?
Yeah, I am.
Fine.
Then drive up there all alone
with no one to comfort you
when it all blows up in your face.
Yeah. Honey, uh...
Thanks.
You wanna give me a ride to the train station?
You like that?
Stop. Don't move, don't move.
Focus.
Tremendous focus.
Ahh!
Ohh.
♪♪
Hey there!
- Kim? - Yeah.
- Walter. - Great.
You need a hand?
No, I got it.
Awesome.
Hey there.
Hi. Thanks.
Hey, can I move this?
Yeah, I got that for us. I didn't know what you liked,
so I got some bagels and croissants, cake pops,
some waters in there.
- Cool, thanks. - There's a tuna salad,
but maybe you don't want to open that in the car.
Oh, I got that for me.
I mean, you can have it if you want,
but just so you know, I got that for me.
So what do you want to know about me?
I think Nic told me everything I need to know. I'm good.
Yeah? What'd she say?
I'm gonna plug in 'cause I have a headache.
Okay.
You do you.
♪♪
♪ It's too late ♪
♪ For tears
♪ Honey, it's too late ♪
♪ Too late to cry
♪ Oh, but it's too late ♪
♪ Oh, for begging me, baby
- Yo, where we going? - You like Chinese food?
Yeah, sure, but can't we just keep going?
No. This is Nic's favorite restaurant.
You're gonna love it.
- World class noodles. - Tremendous.
Like there's noodles, and then there's world-class noodles,
then there's where I'm about to take you, above and beyond.
Beyond.
So you met Nic in school, huh?
Yeah, I went to Berkeley for a minute.
- She sort of saved me. - Thank you so much.
I met Nic in psych class.
So what'd you major in?
I didn't finish.
Oh, okay, well, no judgment.
I'm not your parent.
I assume they were cool with it.
There is no they, just him.
And no.
Okay, I think I know what that means.
Not on good terms with your mom, huh?
Yeah, hard to be on good terms with someone who's dead.
Okay, do you have a problem with me?
Can just cut the fucking bullshit, man?
You don't get to come and pick me up
and act like you're saving the fucking day.
You don't get a free pass.
Takes a special kind of douchebag
to cheat on his wife with a woman half his age.
Whoa, whoa, hold on.
You think you're on good terms with Nic? You're not.
One decent year doesn't make up for a lifetime of fuckups.
Don't pretend you know my daughter better than I do
just cause you sat next to her
in an entry level psych class for one semester,
before it was too hard.
Hi, Walter.
Mr. Campbell, Water Campbell.
We would never bother you during lunch,
but could we get a photo? We are huge Youngbloodfans.
- Absolutely. - Oh, really?
- Absolutely, guys. - That's so awesome.
- Sorry to interrupt. - Let's do this.
Ready to go. One, two, three.
Youngbloods!
- All right, you guys, good job. - I can send this to you.
Is it weird having fans?
It's a little weird, especially when I'm having an argument
with someone in a restaurant
when someone comes up for a picture.
Yeah, it'll be pretty funny when they look at the picture
and see a crying girl in the background,
giving you the finger.
- You did that? - Maybe.
I'm sorry I made you cry.
Yeah, you did.
You know, for someone so small, you wear a huge layer of bitch.
You mind if I smoke in here?
So is that true what you said? Nic's still mad at me?
Yeah, she's still pretty pissed.
About the divorce?
About the divorce.
About you cheating on your wife and the divorce.
I see her like three times a year.
I apologize every time.
And it's been like two years.
She's always said it was okay.
She's just saying that.
She's just saying that?
So she's saying it's okay, but it's not okay.
Yep.
Well, when is it gonna be okay?
It's not.
So basically I'm fucked.
Yeah.
Yeah, basically you're fucked.
That's a good talk.
♪♪
- This is an interesting choice. - Yeah, I like it.
Really? Doesn't seem very you.
Well, it's comfortable.
- Hey, you. - Hello.
- Welcome back. - It's nice to be back.
Checking in?
Yeah, it's under Arthur Fonzarelli.
- Fonzarelli? - Shh. Pseudonym.
Okay, all set.
Breakfast is at 7:30.
- I need a second room. - Oh.
Well, unfortunately because of the bike race,
the whole house is booked up for the week,
so unless you want to stay with me,
a second room is not an option.
One room's fine.
Are you sure?
Yeah, just don't be creepy.
Here are your keys.
Mr. Fonzarelli, you know where to go.
Thank you.
♪♪
♪ There is a house
So how did you end up in San Diego?
My mom.
They had the service down there yesterday.
- Oh, shit. - Yeah.
Are you all right?
Yeah, I'm great.
In a way, it was kind of a relief.
At least we don't have to fight anymore.
I can make all my own decisions, just like a big girl.
If you don't mind my asking, how did she pass?
Oh, you know, the usual-- cancer, boob cancer.
Boob cancer.
Boob cancer took my mother.
Cheers.
She was pretty much dead to me before.
The whole cancer death thing kind of makes it official,
doesn't it?
Was there a fight or...
Yeah, there were a lot of fights.
Most of them were just bullshit.
I don't know. I could always just tell she didn't really...
didn't really like me, you know?
Is there anything about her you really liked?
Yeah. She was funny.
She could always make me laugh.
When's the last time you talked to her?
A year ago.
I was gonna go visit her when she got sick.
I didn't. I just couldn't. I couldn't.
I try to live without regrets.
I guess I'm shit out of luck on this one.
Well, talking about regrets, that's the title of my book.
That's funny.
No, no, I have a book called Regrets.
There's a picture of me on the front
with my head on my Claymore sword from Youngblood.
Oh.
I never thought that this science fiction series
was gonna take off.
Never thought the pilot was gonna make it.
And now, as it is,
I can't walk down the street without somebody doing this.
What the hell is that?
That is the call of Faigon's breath,
a mythical dragon.
Oh, my God. That is so embarrassing.
Actually, that's so embarrassing.
♪ Never do what I have done ♪
But embarrassing has paid for my house,
and it's paid for my ex's house,
and it's paid for my daughter's education,
so...
sometimes regrets are our blessings.
I like that.
Can I get you another drink?
Will you do a shot with me?
Count to three.
All right, that was fun, huh?
By the way, there is a gray Hyundai Elantra
in a fire zone.
Oh, oh, God.
Next up we have Walter,
aka Mr. Fonzarelli,
who's gonna be singing Unchained Melody.
- I'm sorry. - I signed you up.
- You gotta go up. - I'm not going up.
You have to go up. It's gonna be amazing.
- I'm not going up. - Please do it.
It'll be your penance
for being such a horrible human being.
Well, when you put it that way, then I'm just going up then.
- Cheers, cheers, cheers! - Jesus.
- One, two, count of three, go. - Go ahead.
- Okay. - Okay.
Whoo!
Greetings, Solvang!
This goes out to anyone who's ever had a dream.
♪ Oh
♪ My love
♪ My darling
♪ I've hungered for your touch ♪
♪ A long
♪ Lonely time
♪ And time
♪ Goes by
♪ So slowly
♪ And time can do so much
♪ Are you
♪ Still mine
♪ I need your love
♪ Godspeed your love
♪ To
♪ Me
♪ To me
That's what you get, fuckers!
Yeah! Whoo!
Pretty good, huh?
Thank you.
- Wow. - See? I told you.
Yes, that was amazing.
♪♪
♪ What you gonna do
♪ When you say to a man
♪ He has lost control
♪ Take a look at him now
♪ He has lost his soul
♪ It's plain enough as I can be ♪
♪ Ooh
♪ I should tell him so
♪ The weight of the world is on his shoulder ♪
♪ What you gonna do
♪ Ooh
Nice butt.
Oh, boy.
♪♪
Is this the turnoff here?
No, it's a little further, I think.
- You think? - Yeah.
Please, stay quiet.
Hey.
Hey, babe. Haven't heard from you.
You're not gonna believe this.
Oh, yeah, what's up?
Okay, so I was coming out of yoga,
and Carrie and I were talking about
a reliable maid service, whatever,
and I felt a kick right in my abdomen.
- That's great. - I know!
Everyone's saying that it's probably too early,
but I know for sure it was the baby.
Yeah, that's great.
You're kind of breaking up.
Reception up here is really spotty.
I'll call you later.
Okay, love you.
Okay, bye.
You're having a baby?
Technically, she's having a baby.
Yeah, but you fucked it into her.
Very colorful way of putting it, Kim. Thank you.
Does Nic know?
No. That's why I'm coming up here.
I'd appreciate it if you keep it on the lowdown.
Yeah, well, let's just keep everything on the lowdown.
♪♪
Kim's here.
Hey, Dad.
Hey, sweetie.
- Oh, it's good to see you. - You too.
- How was the drive? - It was good, it was good.
Kim is quality company.
- Hey. - Hi, babe.
- Missed you. - Missed you too.
- How was the drive? - Drive was good.
Oh, you look so cute.
I don't want to be too dramatic, but, uh...
I didn't really know how to tell you over the phone.
I just kind of went with it.
No, it's, it's good. Whatever, um...
I think it's great, you know, as long as you're happy, right?
Love is love. It's...
This is wonderful, I think.
Thanks.
I don't have anything I can say that isn't gonna come out weird,
to let you know that I'm down with this.
Maybe just-- Really. Just double thumbs up.
Thanks. That means a lot.
You're taking this really well.
Yeah, yeah, well, it's okay.
This is-- It's okay.
A lot of things in nature are gay, right?
Did you know that bees are gay?
No. I don't think bees are gay, actually.
No, I thought they are. They're not?
- No. - Goddamn!
Those close-minded bees, right?
I thought they were more progressive.
Do you want me to help you with your bags?
Sure, that'd be great. Thank you.
Okay.
- Let me help you, honey. - I got it.
Boy, it's really beautiful here!
Oh, hey.
Oh, hi. I'm Tamara. Nice to meet you.
I'm Walter. I'm Nic's dad.
Yeah, I know.
Hey. Paula.
Oh.
Nice.
You okay?
Yeah, I'm okay. It is what it is.
I just wish I would've been there for you at the funeral.
No, don't. You couldn't have been there anyway.
I told you my family would've freaked out.
I know, but I just want you to know that I'm here for you.
- I know. - I love you.
I love you too.
- I gotta help. - No.
- Come on. - No!
I'm Moon.
I'm--
Is that your name? Moon?
Yes. Moon.
I made you a dream catcher.
Oh.
Thank you. That's very, um... That was very sweet of you.
Thank you, Moon.
I'm gonna go talk to the next person now.
- Okay. - Okay.
- Oh, hey. - Hi.
- You're Nic's dad. - Yeah.
So nice to finally meet you.
- Yeah, I'm Walter. - I'm Brian.
- Brian? - Yes.
That's my dad's name.
- What? - Yeah.
You're dad, does he spell it with a Y?
No, no, with an I.
Oh, my God. That's how I spell it.
- That's so weird. - That's the weirdest thing.
Wow. Small world.
This is where you're gonna be staying.
It's technically Moon River's room,
but she's been exclusively in that teepee.
Wow. This is great.
Yeah.
So listen, Nic.
I-I really am cool
with... everything.
Cool, well, I appreciate it.
I didn't know how you were gonna react, actually.
I... Mom took a couple days to adjust.
You told your mom? When'd you do that?
Recently, like within the last year or so.
Um, I just never really knew how to tell you, you know?
You just tell me, you know.
I mean, I'm cool. I'm around.
Well, yeah.
I mean, now, yeah.
I just-- You can... You can tell me anything.
- Okay. - No judgment.
Thanks.
Nic! Ready for the hike?
Yeah, I forgot. We're actually...
We're gonna go on a hike, if you want to join.
- We're going to the falls. - Oh, really? Fun.
- It's incredible. - I'll get my running shoes.
I mean, if you're up for it.
I don't know if you're exhausted from the drive.
It's kind of strenuous.
Nic, I'm from Los Angeles.
We're a hiking people.
Okay.
Hiking is what we do.
- Okay. - Okay.
Cool.
- You can settle in. - All right.
Hey, babe, you want to come on the hike,
or you're still not feeling so good?
Yeah, I think I'm just gonna sit this one out, babe.
Are you sure? A little fresh air might help.
- The waterfall's unreal. - I bet.
It's just a long drive. I'm tired.
Okay, no worries.
Paula and Moon are staying back if you want to get dinner going.
Yeah, of course. That sounds good.
Okay. We'll be back in an hour or two. I love you.
- Come on, you ready to hike? - Am I ready?
Try to keep up.
It's so nice out.
I love this trail. I know.
I came here like five years ago,
and it's really overgrown actually.
It's really pretty, especially in the summer.
♪♪
I think we're really close.
It's just up here.
- You okay back there, Dad? - Okay!
Actually, I think I need to stop.
- Here, have some water. - I'm actually gonna die.
Thank you.
Hey, I don't wanna make this weird,
but I can't believe I'm on a hike with Master Youngblood.
I can't believe you watch that show.
Are you kidding me?
"If you need me, there I shall be."
Faigon!
What in the hell is that?
Call of Faigon's breath.
That show like was my childhood.
I bet Nic knows every line.
I actually never really cared for sci-fi.
I like documentaries.
Well, it was fantasy.
I liked Youngblood.
♪♪
- Wow. - Hi, guys.
Welcome back.
This is amazing.
How was it?
Oh, my God, what is that smell?
Dinner.
It's like a serious thick mold or something.
- Thanks. - What does that mean?
No, I mean, it's like a fungus. Nobody else smells that?
- Moon, help me out. - Hmm?
Dad, how about you go get cleaned up for dinner?
Yeah, good idea.
- Okay. - Okay.
Hey, Kim, I think I left something in your bag.
- Can you help me look for it? - After dinner.
Okay.
It's like tomato paste.
That's what that is.
Hmm?
- You didn't get any? - No.
- Did you try this? - Okay.
- It's so good. - Mmm!
Dragon bean?
So were the weapons on set real?
Yeah, yeah. I mean, they were dull.
They dull the blades so nobody can get cut,
except I was stabbed in the head once.
I was stabbed in the head.
- You nailed the okra. - Oh, thank you.
Twisted his ankle 'cause he got one of his hooves caught.
He's a total trooper.
I love Petar.
- Oh, this is amazing. - Yeah, it's all right.
Pass the pepper, babe.
Dad, can you pass Kim the pepper?
A friend to the end.
Thanks.
He was so cute.
I never wanted to marry a horse but him.
How was your journey with Kim, Walter?
Was it fulfilling?
Sure.
It was uneventful, but...
it was beautiful scenery.
Um, you know,
I'd like to take this opportunity
to thank you guys for having this meal outside.
It really de-fumigated the whole situation.
And thank you Paula for not giving me a mushroom.
You're welcome, Walter.
And a special shout-out to Tamara for the hot sauce.
You're a lifesaver, girlfriend.
Thank you, all. Thank you for having me.
Lovely, lovely.
AÀ votre santé.
Also, um...
I would like to know...
I have a few questions, if it's okay to ask.
And they're probably stupid, I'm sure.
- Okay. - But...
I'm gonna give you three.
No judgment. Fire away.
- Okay. - You're generous.
What is the dynamic with y'alls? What's going on here?
I know there's some pretty interesting vibes flying around.
And I understand you and you,
and I kind of feel you and you and you and you.
What is it though? What's going on with you guys?
I'll bite. We're together. We're gay.
Hey, I'm not gay.
Oh, well, you turned her.
Um...
I, for one, think labels are harmful.
I love what I love.
Okay. I don't know what that means.
I'm bisexual, and I've been known to dabble.
- She's a dabbler. - Dabble away, girlfriend.
Big-time dabbler.
Yabble dabble do.
I don't know what that means either.
Um, what-- How many more questions do I have?
Two? Okay.
So who is the guy in the relationship?
Who's the man?
We're both girls.
There is no guy, Dad.
It's kind of old-school thinking.
It's a little sexist, actually.
What happened to no judgment?
I'm just saying who's the instigator.
I just want to know who,
who holds the door open for the other naturally?
- Who offers to pay the bill? - We both do.
I think you held the door open this morning,
I held the door open this afternoon,
and then we just trade.
- It's easy to open a door. - But there's a schedule.
There's no tendency?
There are no doors.
All right, well, that takes care of that.
Last question then.
How old were you when you knew?
When did you know?
Well, when did you first know that you liked the ladies?
Kindergarten. First grade, maybe.
Oh, so you were born straight?
You're environmentally turned straight, what, age 6?
Okay, you salty bitches.
That is it. I'm sorry.
I'm out. No more questions. I'm done. I'm sorry.
Okay, now that that's over with...
Ooh, the lady speaks.
I just want to thank everyone for coming out.
This place is really special,
and I care about you all so much.
That's why we invited you.
And I think you all know the plan,
except for you, Dad.
Kim and I have been together for eighteen months,
eleven days, seven hours,
and 28, 29, 30 seconds.
Wow.
And...
she's my whole heart and my whole soul.
And I'm so happy
to finally take the next step with you tomorrow
and at long last make you my wife.
Save it for the wedding!
Hey, can I get in your bag? I really need it.
I can't. Not now.
Now. You and me in the teepee now.
Okay.
Thanks again for the great food.
- What the fuck was that? - Just keep your voice down.
It was bad enough I showed up and had it dumped on my head
that I fucked my daughter's girlfriend.
- Shut up. - But I'm like, "Fine."
That's okay. I can keep a secret
because hopefully your relationship won't last.
But it turns out you're not temporary at all, are you?
Till death do you part?
That's cute. The guy who divorced his wife
is telling me that marriage is forever.
That is ice fucking cold.
You sat next to me for eight hours,
and you didn't say a word.
How did you think this was gonna go?
I was gonna sit here and watch all this unfold quietly?
I was counting on it because, let's face it, you and I,
we're gonna be seeing a lot of each other.
Oh, we gonna be one big happy fucking family?
We gonna go to Hawaii and snorkel?
Your daughter is the only good thing
that I have going for me.
And I will be damned if you fuck it up
because of some fucking accident.
Accident? An accident?
An accident is when you spill wine on the carpet.
Letting your fiancée's dad fuck you against an armoire
can't be soaked up with paper towels.
Your pregnant girlfriend called you
from her fucking baby preparation yoga class today,
so you just stay in your glass mansion,
and you stop throwing rocks.
♪♪
Cheers!
You're getting married!
Oh, ladies!
Yeah, you were.
You pretend to be.
- Come on! - Okay, be nice.
Have some, take some.
- No, no, no, I'm good. - Come on, Dad.
- Guys, you wanna open presents? - Yes! Presents!
Isn't it bad luck to open presents before the wedding?
I don't know, Dad. What way did you do it again?
Ohh!
Proceed.
Whoo!
Sexy over there.
"From Paula and Tamara."
Oh, my gosh!
- A space heater. - You're welcome.
Our apartment is fully equipped with heating,
but this will come in handy.
Get in there! Whoo!
Come on!
Hey, Moon River's up next.
I'm so excited.
Oh, my gosh. A blanket.
Thank you, Moon.
Our apartment does have heating.
So sweet.
♪♪
Nic, Kim,
I purchased a well in both of your names.
It will be installed in a remote village in Ghana,
and it will give fresh drinking water to thousands of people
because of your love.
You're the sweetest. I love it.
That's incredible.
I also got you thermal jammies.
No way!
You guys always look so cold.
I didn't know we looked that cold.
- You guys are the best. - My goodness.
Well, it's obviously, it's last-minute,
but that doesn't mean I don't have something up my sleeve.
I would like to treat the two of you
and myself...
to a trip to Hawaii.
- Oh, my God. - What?
Dad, that's incredible.
I mean, you don't have to, but...
Yeah, Dad, you-- Wow, you don't have to.
No, just name a time, and I'll book it.
Next week?
We were gonna staycation here, but we have the time off.
I mean, maybe.
Consider it done.
That's amazing! Thank you.
Yes, thank you.
Cheers!
To Hawaii!
Whoo!
To Hawaii.
I hear the snorkeling is amazing.
Oh. Okay, now time for Youngblood.
- Yay! - Youngblood!
♪♪
This is like my favorite episode ever.
♪♪
Master Youngblood, you saved us.
If you need me,
there I shall be.
Faigon!
Was that your real hair back then?
Yes, it was.
Under the wig.
- Homemade wig. - Hey, I'm gonna go take a bath.
Okay.
The dragon's real.
The dragon is completely real.
Hey, you're missing it.
You'll never defeat me, Youngblood.
Not now, not ever!
Faigon!
No! No!
Thank you, my friend.
You were in really good shape.
I was in good shape.
What happened?
Give.
Your okra.
I hope you learned a valuable lesson today, Petar.
Honesty cannot thrive when you harbor a lie.
Honesty is a virtue of warriors
and Youngblood moon pies,
the snacks of heroes.
Mmm. That's...
♪♪
- That was so good. - Bravo.
It was so good.
That was blatant product placement.
It was. Is this weird?
I think that's the first time I ever noticed it.
Do you still get paid from the show?
Yeah. Actually, I'm going to Creature Con
in San Francisco right after this.
It's kind of crazy.
Is that like a festival?
It's like a hangout.
People pay to meet me and give them autographs
and sign their foam swords.
Cool, Dad.
Hearing it said out loud, it really is pretty lame.
I guess we got our own VIP Creature Con.
Don't have to pay.
Yes.
It's about time we hit the hay. Big day tomorrow.
Yes.
Good night, everybody. Thank you so much.
This was really sweet. Thank you.
- Good night. - Thank you. Night.
Love you.
- Tomorrow. - Tomorrow. Good night.
Good night, good night.
- Night, Dad. - Good night, sweetheart.
Get set for Hawaii.
You had goodness in mind.
I just want you to know I am so proud of you.
Thanks, Dad.
I'm actually really glad that you decided to come.
It's actually a lot cooler having you here
than I thought it would be.
Well, I should give you trips to Hawaii more often.
No, seriously, it's, um...
I know I've given you a lot of flack over the years
for your life choices,
but I just see that you've turned a corner.
I've really noticed.
- See you in the morning. - Good night.
♪♪
- Hey. - Hey.
Sorry. Did I wake you?
No, no, I was up.
It's like the night before Christmas or something.
Yeah, big day tomorrow.
Small ceremony, but big day.
Yeah.
So what's up?
Well...
I kinda had an idea.
May I?
Yeah, of course.
Oh, this is cold.
How long have you been in here for?
A while.
Do you want to heat things up a little bit?
Sorry. It's just...
just weird timing.
You know, with my mom.
I knew we should've postponed this.
You need to grieve. It's important.
Don't tell me how to feel.
People been telling me how to feel my whole life.
I don't need that from you.
I'm just trying to help, okay?
Yeah, I know, I know.
I'm pruning.
♪♪
So...
it's sort of a weird hypothetical question for you.
If you had a secret,
and you knew that it would ruin somebody's life,
would you keep it a secret, or would you come clean?
Well, why would you want to ruin someone's life?
That's really timid.
Well, maybe you're not doing it right.
I have a black belt in smoking pot.
Then you probably tried this before.
Wow.
That was really junior high school of you.
Thank you.
Uh, um...
uh...
as amazing and convenient
and perky as this is,
I don't think I can do this.
What's wrong? Do you have dick issues?
No. No, I don't have dick issues.
My dick works.
I just...
I shouldn't do this.
I-I can't, and I won't.
Okay, calm down. It was just for fun.
I know, as fun as it would be
to have sex with a hot girl named Brian,
I gotta take a pass.
If I did this,
I'd pretty much be the worst person I ever met.
Well...
I hope tomorrow isn't awkward.
I think tomorrow is going to be extremely awkward.
Good night.
Hey.
I gotta tell you something.
It's about your dad.
Oh, I'm in here.
Oh, oh, that's okay.
I was done, Tamara.
It's a little weird, Moon.
I had a feeling you were gonna say something.
Do we have any of that Paulo Santo left
to do like a chakra cleansing ritual before the ceremony?
Yeah, we should. We had a lot of that stuff.
Uh, hey.
Morning!
Morning.
You look like shit.
Oh, thank you, Paula.
Thanks for that.
Has anyone seen Nic?
Brides aren't supposed to see each other before the ceremony.
It's bad luck.
Would you like a hot dog?
They're very good. I know you probably--
They're gluten-free. The buns are gluten-free.
You're all so busy suntanning and doing your selfie-taking.
Walter, how the hell are you buddy?
Jack. Not too good, buddy.
Listen, can I run something by you?
Yeah, sure.
I'll just get into it.
I just found out my daughter is gay,
which really isn't a problem, except that I found out
directly after I had sex with her girlfriend-slash-fiancée.
I'm in Big Sur, and they're about to get married
in front of a teepee in about two hours.
Holy shit.
So I'm just thinking about just coming out with it
and, you know,
just coming out with it before the wedding.
Is that a good idea?
Should I... Is that the right thing to do?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You had sex with your daughter's girlfriend?
Yeah.
And you're feeling bad about that.
Um, I don't follow.
There isn't a day that goes by
that I don't think about lining up my daughter's friends
one by one by one and fucking 'em.
Every time with my wife, that's what I'm thinking about.
I can't stop it. I don't want to.
Right now they're outside...
having a pool party.
And when I walk over, and I wave,
and I say, "How's it going, girls?"
they look at me like I don't even have a dick.
You didn't fly too close to the sun, Walter.
You flew through it. Don't you see?
You touched the hand of God, and you're feeling guilty?
Yes.
I feel guilty.
You shut your fucking mouth,
and you get down on your knees
and you thank whatever god you want to.
You can pick one because they've all smiled on you.
But whatever you do, don't you spit in their faces.
Yeah, it happened,
and maybe you'd take it back if you could,
but don't make your daughter miserable
just because you had the time of your life.
- Hey, Karen's dad! - Yes, Tina?
How do you turn on the Jacuzzi?
It's the last button all the way to the left.
- The little blue one. - Jack?
Okay, thank you.
Hello?
I gotta go.
Okay, you be good.
And whatever you do, take a lot of pictures.
Peace out.
You are so pretty, it's like actually disgusting.
- Is that true? - I can't look at your face.
Stop.
If it was me being this in love like you and Nic are,
I couldn't do a small wedding.
I'd have to do like a big wedding.
Hey, sweetie.
Hey.
You okay?
Kim told me.
I was just coming over here to tell you.
I get it. I get why you would wait to tell me.
I've been wracking my brain,
trying to figure out the best way to tell you.
It's just...
I was drunk.
It was just sex. There was no emotion.
I know how babies are made, okay?
It's like you're starting another family or something.
It's like ours wasn't good enough for you, and...
it's like your building another one on top of it.
Honey, you've got it wrong.
Lucy...
is not family to me like you are.
You know, I didn't want to have any family here
because of all the shit with you guys.
I thought it would be bad vibes all around.
But now that I'm here,
and it's the day that I'm getting married...
I really wish Mom was here too.
I feel like I fucked this whole thing up.
You didn't mess anything up.
If anything, I did.
No. Actually, everyone really likes you.
You passed the Kim test.
Hmm.
You really love her, huh?
Yeah.
I do.
Well, then there's no hurry.
You don't have to get married today.
Six-person wedding, it's pretty easy to reschedule.
Dad, it's not fair to give me cold feet.
Sweetie.
I know it's last-minute, but, um...
Moon's gonna play Autoharp for the wedding,
and I'd really love it if you would sing with her.
Oh, uh...
You have to. It's my wedding.
What do you want me to sing?
Hey, it's Lucy. I don't call. Just text me.
Hey.
Listen, could you call me back? It's pretty important.
Okay? So, uh...
So call me back. All right, bye.
Put a little bit of oomph in your hair.
Hey, blushing bride to be.
Girls, can I have just minute with Kim?
Sure, Walter.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
Okay, I think I figured it out.
You are not in a place that this can work out.
And you are not in a place to tell me
what kind of place that I am in.
You know I'm in position to tell you.
I am the most qualified guy in the world
when it comes to fucking up relationships.
That I'd say is true.
You need to tell her the truth, and you need to tell her now.
Let her choose.
If she chooses to stay with you, great.
If she doesn't, I'm sorry.
But every minute that goes by that you don't tell her,
you're hurting her.
I know you don't think you have the ability
to hurt someone with something you're not doing,
but believe me, it's easier than you think.
I can't.
It's too late. I...
- Then go. - Go?
Where am I supposed to go?
Anywhere. Just go.
Please. Leave her.
She deserves to be happy.
Please, Kim, just go.
Please.
Hey, we gotta braid the bride's hair for the wedding,
so you gotta go.
Bye, Walter.
- You nervous? - Yeah.
Don't be nervous. You look so pretty.
Okay, so I'm just gonna pull some of this back into a braid.
♪♪
Welcome, friends...
and family.
We are gathered here today
to join these two beautiful souls
in a union of love.
And now we will take a moment of silence
to commune with our friends in nature,
to ask them for their blessing
on this union.
Nic, Kim,
I understand that you have each prepared vows.
Please share them now.
♪♪
Kim...
I've learned so much from you.
Your honesty and integrity
have taught me to be true to myself and to others.
I promise to always defend your right to be uniquely you.
Courageous,
honest,
and full of light.
I promise to carry my dreams,
and to encourage you to carry yours
as we build new dreams together.
Please accept this ring as a symbol of our eternal bond.
I accept.
Nic.
Over the past 18 months,
I have had my fair share of pain,
and the only constant has been you.
You are the kindest,
most generous,
most understanding soul I have ever met.
You taught me that no matter what has happened in the past,
that love conquers all.
Love is love.
I vow from this day forward to be yours.
Completely and fully,
your friend,
your partner,
your lover,
your wife.
Please accept this ring as our eternal bond.
I do.
And now...
the bride's father, Walter,
will perform a song in honor of this union.
Uh, I'm sorry. Excuse me.
♪♪
♪ Oh
♪ My love
I'm sorry. I can't do this.
Particularly can't with the Autoharp.
But thank you, Moon.
Um, I have something to say.
Um...
This is so... beautiful.
It's really beautiful, and you look amazing, Nic.
And the decor really makes the teepee.
I didn't know how you guys were gonna pull off a wedding
in front of a teepee, but you did it, so way to go.
Um...
It's been an interesting few days,
and you've all been very accommodating to me.
And...
and what I'm about to say,
I wish someone else had said for me.
And even more, I wish had never happened at all,
but it did.
It was an accident.
I didn't mean for it to happen. I'm sorry.
Brian, that's not what I'm talking about.
What is she talking about?
We just did a little kissing last night,
but that wasn't what I was gonna say.
On the drive up here to Big Sur--
Don't.
This is before I knew that you were--
This was before I knew. This was before...
you and Kim were dating or fiancéed.
Please don't.
We got drunk and had sex.
I'm so sorry.
Get the fuck out of here.
Sweetie.
You get the fuck out of here!
Get the fuck out of here!
Stop it! Get the fuck out of here!
Fuck you!
Go! Just fucking go!
Go!
Honey...
Get the fuck out of here!
- Get the fuck out of here! - I'll go.
I'll go. I'll go.
I'll go.
Baby...
Stop it!
Fuck.
Honey?
I just want you to know the Hawaii offer still stands.
Get the fuck out!
You fucking prick! Out!
♪♪
Hey, you've reached Nic. I'm out of town
until the 28th with very poor service.
I'll try to get back to you as soon as I can. Thanks.
Uh, hey, um...
I, uh, I made a mistake.
I made a really terrible mistake, and...
you asked me for a simple favor, and I couldn't even deliver
without ruining your life.
You're all I've got,
and it seems like I just keep hurting you.
I have this really bad habit of destroying
all the most meaningful relationships in my life.
I think that you were doing better before I came back.
So I promise I won't bother you anymore.
I love you totally,
and that is exactly why I'll stay away, okay?
So you take care.
Okay?
- Please know that I love you-- - The mailbox is full
and cannot accept any messages at this time.
Goodbye.
- Walter! - Hey, Hank.
Didn't you day play on Youngblood?
I played an aggressive black alien.
Oh, that's right. That was a fun episode.
You know, you're lucky.
How's that?
You had a role that you could hang your hat on.
You made an impact on people. You'll be remembered.
I'll be remembered for playing a space Viking.
It's not about the role. It's how you play it.
You did your thing, and you left it at that.
People responded to it.
Some of us never even get in the door.
Look around you.
This is all for you.
♪♪
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.
What happened?
Your dad got a B and B with one bed.
We went to the restaurant.
He had a couple drinks.
When we got back, he just started...
- taking advantage of me. - What?
He just started taking his clothes off and kissing me,
and I just didn't--
You seriously aren't gonna own this? What the fuck!
He didn't know who you were! You knew exactly who he was!
What the fuck were you thinking?
I don't know!
Fuck! I don't know who I am or what I'm fucking doing!
I don't know! I just don't--
Stop!
I can't keep doing this to you.
I won't.
I started it.
I kissed your dad.
Everybody get excited for Mr. Youngblood himself,
Mr. Walter Campbell!
♪♪
♪ Beautiful flower
♪ On the island of Hawaii
♪♪
♪ Beautiful flowers
♪ From the island of Maui
♪♪
♪ Beautiful flower
♪ From the island of Kauai
♪♪
♪ Beautiful flowers
♪ From the isles of paradise
♪♪
♪ What you gonna do
♪ When you say to a man
♪ He has lost control
♪ Take a look at him now
♪ He has lost his soul
♪ As brave enough as I could be ♪
♪ I should tell him so
♪ The weight of the world is on his shoulders ♪
♪ What you gonna do
♪ With all those lonely nights
♪ Lying by yourself
♪ Won't you put up the fight ♪
♪ Be with someone else
♪ As cruel enough as it sounds
♪ Why do you keep him around
♪ The weight of the world is on his shoulders ♪
♪ You see, I tried so hard to sleep at night ♪
♪ Without you being there
♪ I so want you to hold me tight ♪
♪ Baby, keep me from fear
♪ I should have never, ever did you wrong ♪
♪ Now I'm feeling so alone ♪
♪ The weight of the world is on my shoulders ♪
♪ He has lost his soul
♪ As brave enough as I could be ♪
♪ I should tell him so
♪ The weight of the world is on his shoulder ♪
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