1 00:00:21,108 --> 00:00:25,634 Hi. My name is Joy. 2 00:00:25,677 --> 00:00:27,331 My parents named me 3 00:00:27,375 --> 00:00:29,681 after the feeling they had when I was born. 4 00:00:32,119 --> 00:00:33,511 That faded fast. 5 00:00:38,908 --> 00:00:41,041 Peace out, bitches. 6 00:00:41,084 --> 00:00:42,825 I'm good, how are you? 7 00:00:42,868 --> 00:00:44,522 I'm good, how are you? 8 00:00:44,566 --> 00:00:46,089 I love your bangs today. 9 00:00:46,133 --> 00:00:47,917 I have a boyfriend too. 10 00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:50,572 Is that a new baby? I love your baby. 11 00:00:50,615 --> 00:00:53,575 And then he said, "I love you." 12 00:00:53,618 --> 00:00:55,707 When I say, "I love you," 13 00:00:55,751 --> 00:00:58,232 what I really mean is, 14 00:00:58,275 --> 00:01:00,712 "Do you love me?" 15 00:01:02,714 --> 00:01:04,673 These are gonna look so hot in my coffin. 16 00:01:09,417 --> 00:01:12,376 I actually wasn't always this miserable. 17 00:01:12,420 --> 00:01:15,118 One time, in seventh-grade band, 18 00:01:15,162 --> 00:01:18,513 I challenged Bobby Hendricks on the drums for first chair. 19 00:01:18,556 --> 00:01:22,125 I fucking won. 20 00:01:22,169 --> 00:01:24,258 That was the moment I peaked. 21 00:01:26,999 --> 00:01:29,915 Mmm. 22 00:01:35,617 --> 00:01:38,533 You know that huge, gaping hole in your soul? 23 00:01:38,576 --> 00:01:41,144 Lots of people find ways to fill it up... 24 00:01:41,188 --> 00:01:44,713 Drugs, booze, porn, food, gambling, shopping. 25 00:01:46,018 --> 00:01:47,933 I've had my own ways. 26 00:01:47,977 --> 00:01:49,283 This is Rob. 27 00:01:49,326 --> 00:01:50,501 This is Greg. 28 00:01:50,545 --> 00:01:52,329 This is Enrique. 29 00:01:53,591 --> 00:01:55,376 But it's never enough. 30 00:01:58,030 --> 00:01:59,728 I always need more. 31 00:01:59,771 --> 00:02:00,729 You're the one. 32 00:02:00,772 --> 00:02:01,773 You're the one. 33 00:02:01,817 --> 00:02:03,210 You're the one! 34 00:02:06,604 --> 00:02:08,389 Ooh... Oh, boy. 35 00:02:16,919 --> 00:02:19,182 I'm a piece of shit. 36 00:02:22,838 --> 00:02:24,709 I can't do anything right. 37 00:02:31,194 --> 00:02:34,197 I couldn't even get killing myself right. 38 00:02:34,241 --> 00:02:35,894 This monkey is an orphan, 39 00:02:35,938 --> 00:02:39,942 separated from his mother since the day of his birth. 40 00:02:45,991 --> 00:02:47,906 A soft cheesecloth pad 41 00:02:47,950 --> 00:02:49,952 is his only companion 42 00:02:49,995 --> 00:02:52,041 and his only comfort. 43 00:02:58,917 --> 00:03:01,181 Once a day, the pad is removed for cleaning. 44 00:03:07,099 --> 00:03:09,406 He may die for want of love. 45 00:03:30,949 --> 00:03:33,169 Hello, we are unable 46 00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:35,258 to answer the phone right now. 47 00:03:35,302 --> 00:03:37,478 Please leave a message, and we'll call you back. 48 00:03:37,521 --> 00:03:39,871 Hi, Mom. 49 00:03:39,915 --> 00:03:42,657 It's me, Joy. 50 00:03:42,700 --> 00:03:44,746 I'm just calling to see 51 00:03:44,789 --> 00:03:49,925 if you wanted to do something for Mother's Day. 52 00:03:49,968 --> 00:03:54,146 Doesn't have to be a big deal. We could go on a walk or... 53 00:03:54,190 --> 00:03:56,410 - Hello, who's this? - Mom? 54 00:03:56,453 --> 00:03:57,846 It's Joy. 55 00:03:57,889 --> 00:03:59,761 Tell Dad I said hi. 56 00:04:04,592 --> 00:04:07,899 Do you need money again? We can't give you any money. 57 00:04:07,943 --> 00:04:11,120 No, I don't need any money. 58 00:04:11,163 --> 00:04:14,166 I was just wondering if you wanted to do something 59 00:04:14,210 --> 00:04:16,081 for Mother's Day on Sunday. 60 00:04:16,125 --> 00:04:19,128 Oh, Mother's Day. 61 00:04:21,696 --> 00:04:23,741 Your dad wants to go to Sonoma Raceway this Sunday. 62 00:04:24,699 --> 00:04:26,004 Oh. 63 00:04:26,048 --> 00:04:27,528 It's the Sprint Cup Series now. 64 00:04:27,571 --> 00:04:29,051 You know he has to see it. 65 00:04:29,094 --> 00:04:30,879 Do you have to go with him? 66 00:04:32,533 --> 00:04:34,752 Mom? 67 00:04:34,796 --> 00:04:37,320 Are you eating? 68 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:42,717 - Hello? - ...to make a call, 69 00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:44,284 please hang up and try again. 70 00:04:52,944 --> 00:04:54,946 Pierogies, please. 71 00:05:21,364 --> 00:05:22,931 More pierogies! 72 00:05:32,201 --> 00:05:34,159 - Action! - Today is brought to you by... 73 00:05:34,203 --> 00:05:35,770 Wait, what do I-- today's show-- 74 00:05:35,813 --> 00:05:37,946 Today's show is brought to you by hugs, got it? 75 00:05:37,989 --> 00:05:40,383 Okay, got it. All right, action. 76 00:05:40,427 --> 00:05:43,038 I hug my family. I hug my dog. 77 00:05:43,081 --> 00:05:44,344 I hug my best friend. 78 00:05:44,387 --> 00:05:45,649 I hug a log. 79 00:05:48,783 --> 00:05:50,175 -Cut! -Sorry. 80 00:05:50,219 --> 00:05:51,655 Can we make sure her earwig is in? 81 00:05:51,699 --> 00:05:53,744 Okay, guys, let's just hold real quick. 82 00:05:53,788 --> 00:05:57,052 Okay, we're going again. Take 12 for Joy. Action. 83 00:06:25,863 --> 00:06:28,475 - Yeah, love yourself! - Cut. 84 00:06:28,518 --> 00:06:30,302 All right. Beautiful, beautiful. 85 00:06:30,346 --> 00:06:32,479 Ben? 86 00:06:32,522 --> 00:06:34,219 No, it's great. You're just so right 87 00:06:34,263 --> 00:06:35,438 -for this character. -Thanks, man. 88 00:06:35,482 --> 00:06:36,439 Get out of that hot suit, huh? 89 00:06:36,483 --> 00:06:38,223 Everyone eventually nailed it. 90 00:06:38,267 --> 00:06:40,008 - You were great. - Dang it. 91 00:06:40,051 --> 00:06:43,011 Thank you very much. 92 00:06:55,937 --> 00:06:57,460 Hey, man, what are you doing this weekend? 93 00:06:57,504 --> 00:06:59,462 No solid plans, man. What's up? 94 00:06:59,506 --> 00:07:02,117 I'm shooting a music video up in the hills. 95 00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:03,553 Sick ass mansion, infinity pool. 96 00:07:03,597 --> 00:07:05,120 We need a black dude for the hot tub scene. 97 00:07:05,163 --> 00:07:06,730 -Oh, snap, for real? -Yeah, are you down 98 00:07:06,774 --> 00:07:08,079 to take your shirt off, hang with some models? 99 00:07:08,123 --> 00:07:09,820 -Hell, yeah, man. -All right, man. 100 00:07:09,864 --> 00:07:11,561 It doesn't pay anything, but, uh, 101 00:07:11,605 --> 00:07:13,258 they got an awesome EP. It sounds so good. 102 00:07:13,302 --> 00:07:14,782 -No, thank you so much. -Hey, you killed it today. 103 00:07:14,825 --> 00:07:16,566 Oh, thank you. Blessings, blessings. 104 00:07:16,610 --> 00:07:17,915 Great work, great work. 105 00:07:17,959 --> 00:07:19,482 I can twerk. 106 00:07:19,526 --> 00:07:20,788 I took a pole dancing class once. 107 00:07:20,831 --> 00:07:22,006 I could be in the music video. 108 00:07:22,050 --> 00:07:23,660 Monkey, come on. 109 00:07:23,704 --> 00:07:26,010 I mean, you're too cute to be a booty girl. 110 00:07:26,054 --> 00:07:27,664 Hey, no, don't get mad. 111 00:07:27,708 --> 00:07:29,231 Look, I got you something, all right? 112 00:07:29,274 --> 00:07:32,103 Hold on. 113 00:07:32,147 --> 00:07:35,716 This is my promise to you that you're mine. 114 00:07:35,759 --> 00:07:38,283 You're the one. 115 00:07:38,327 --> 00:07:40,068 Thank you. I love it. 116 00:07:41,722 --> 00:07:43,027 Hey, are we still gonna see your mom 117 00:07:43,071 --> 00:07:44,899 this weekend for Mother's Day? 118 00:07:44,942 --> 00:07:46,553 -I got a new dress. -Shit. 119 00:07:46,596 --> 00:07:49,120 That's the same day as the shoot. 120 00:07:49,164 --> 00:07:51,514 I just can't pass up this opportunity, you know? 121 00:07:51,558 --> 00:07:54,778 Not at this crucial time in my career. 122 00:07:54,822 --> 00:07:57,128 Why don't you go see your mom, you know? 123 00:07:59,217 --> 00:08:02,743 I love you. 124 00:08:02,786 --> 00:08:06,137 I love you! 125 00:08:06,181 --> 00:08:08,531 I love you! 126 00:08:11,621 --> 00:08:13,971 "Why don't you go see your mom for Mother's Day?" 127 00:08:22,893 --> 00:08:25,330 Pierogies, please. 128 00:08:42,478 --> 00:08:43,871 Babe. 129 00:08:43,914 --> 00:08:45,568 Babe. 130 00:08:45,612 --> 00:08:47,962 Hey, babe, which one of these headshots 131 00:08:48,005 --> 00:08:49,964 do you think looks more "CSI"? 132 00:08:50,007 --> 00:08:51,531 That one... 133 00:08:51,574 --> 00:08:53,141 Or that one? 134 00:08:53,184 --> 00:08:56,927 That one... Or that one? 135 00:08:56,971 --> 00:08:59,408 -That one? -Ah. 136 00:08:59,451 --> 00:09:00,931 Hi, monkey. 137 00:09:03,238 --> 00:09:07,285 I'm gonna make us some pancakes. 138 00:09:07,329 --> 00:09:10,114 Pineapples and pancakes. 139 00:09:10,158 --> 00:09:11,594 Up, up, up. 140 00:09:11,638 --> 00:09:13,814 Nobody ever got famous sleeping in. 141 00:09:32,615 --> 00:09:35,226 You got pierogies. 142 00:09:36,663 --> 00:09:38,403 I didn't want to. 143 00:09:40,101 --> 00:09:41,581 Jesus Christ. 144 00:09:44,714 --> 00:09:46,673 What the fuck is wrong with you? 145 00:09:46,716 --> 00:09:48,022 I don't know. 146 00:09:48,065 --> 00:09:50,372 I felt abandoned. 147 00:09:50,415 --> 00:09:52,766 I promise I won't do it again. 148 00:09:52,809 --> 00:09:54,637 Joy... God. 149 00:09:54,681 --> 00:09:56,204 I got scared that you don't really... 150 00:09:56,247 --> 00:09:59,599 No, that's not gonna work anymore, Joy. 151 00:09:59,642 --> 00:10:00,991 You're the one, Ben. 152 00:10:01,035 --> 00:10:02,036 I want you to be the one so bad. 153 00:10:02,079 --> 00:10:03,603 Yeah? 154 00:10:03,646 --> 00:10:06,170 Yeah? Did you fuck him? 155 00:10:10,261 --> 00:10:11,611 We're done. 156 00:10:11,654 --> 00:10:14,309 Ben. Please. 157 00:10:15,832 --> 00:10:16,616 Get help. 158 00:10:22,143 --> 00:10:27,104 - Bonnie, sex and love addict. - Hi, Bonnie. 159 00:10:27,148 --> 00:10:30,630 Rick, sex, love, and fantasy addict. 160 00:10:30,673 --> 00:10:32,675 Hi, Rick. 161 00:10:32,719 --> 00:10:35,809 I'm Maddie, sex and love addict. 162 00:10:35,852 --> 00:10:38,463 Hi, Maddie. 163 00:10:38,507 --> 00:10:40,814 Well, I, uh... 164 00:10:40,857 --> 00:10:44,861 This room is very special to me 165 00:10:44,905 --> 00:10:47,995 because exactly eight years ago today, 166 00:10:48,038 --> 00:10:52,913 I came crawling... Uh, for the second or third time 167 00:10:52,956 --> 00:10:57,657 on my hands and knees for help, right here. 168 00:10:57,700 --> 00:10:59,920 My childhood was fairly textbook. 169 00:10:59,963 --> 00:11:03,445 Never knew my dad, and my mom was either 170 00:11:03,488 --> 00:11:04,881 working or drinking, 171 00:11:04,925 --> 00:11:09,712 sometimes drinking and working, 172 00:11:09,756 --> 00:11:12,149 and my brother and I were starved 173 00:11:12,193 --> 00:11:16,501 for her attention and love, and she never gave it. 174 00:11:17,981 --> 00:11:22,116 And sometimes we were just plain starving. 175 00:11:22,159 --> 00:11:23,726 I'd dig through the change jar 176 00:11:23,770 --> 00:11:26,120 and go down to the store to buy licorice. 177 00:11:26,163 --> 00:11:28,122 That was the only way I could get my brother to eat. 178 00:11:30,994 --> 00:11:35,390 Never really learned what a healthy relationship could be, 179 00:11:35,433 --> 00:11:38,480 and I just sort of started cycling 180 00:11:38,523 --> 00:11:41,178 through one bad relationship after another. 181 00:11:41,222 --> 00:11:44,399 Alcoholics, addicts. 182 00:11:44,442 --> 00:11:47,358 I kept thinking I could fix them, change them, 183 00:11:47,402 --> 00:11:49,752 make it all better. 184 00:11:50,753 --> 00:11:53,538 And then, uh... 185 00:11:53,582 --> 00:11:55,758 I married one of them, 186 00:11:55,802 --> 00:11:59,327 and that brought me pretty resolutely 187 00:11:59,370 --> 00:12:01,982 to my very lowest low. 188 00:12:02,025 --> 00:12:05,899 His needs, his happiness always came first. 189 00:12:05,942 --> 00:12:08,640 It was exhausting. 190 00:12:08,684 --> 00:12:13,645 And the more I gave, the emptier I became. 191 00:12:13,689 --> 00:12:18,346 Then I found this room and you people, 192 00:12:18,389 --> 00:12:22,002 so I thank you so much for letting me share. 193 00:12:24,221 --> 00:12:27,703 Yeah. 194 00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:31,751 - Joy, sex and love addict. - Hi, Joy. 195 00:12:31,794 --> 00:12:35,798 Uh, this isn't my first time here. 196 00:12:35,842 --> 00:12:38,192 I tried a few of these meetings, 197 00:12:38,235 --> 00:12:42,544 like, a couple years ago? 198 00:12:42,587 --> 00:12:45,155 I didn't think I needed it. 199 00:12:45,199 --> 00:12:48,202 I thought you guys were weird. 200 00:12:48,245 --> 00:12:50,987 No offense. 201 00:12:51,031 --> 00:12:57,602 Anyway, I'm back because I guess I need help. 202 00:13:00,083 --> 00:13:02,216 Proud of you for that. 203 00:13:02,259 --> 00:13:04,000 Can't complain about that, right? 204 00:13:04,044 --> 00:13:06,002 Well, thank you, thank you for everything. 205 00:13:06,046 --> 00:13:07,177 Bye-bye. 206 00:13:07,699 --> 00:13:08,831 Hi. 207 00:13:08,875 --> 00:13:11,399 Hi. I liked what you said. 208 00:13:11,442 --> 00:13:12,487 Oh, which part? 209 00:13:12,530 --> 00:13:14,663 Uh, the part about getting better, 210 00:13:14,706 --> 00:13:16,447 about beating the addiction. 211 00:13:16,491 --> 00:13:20,277 I'm still an addict, I just learned to make better choices. 212 00:13:22,627 --> 00:13:25,021 -That's a cute ring. -Thanks. 213 00:13:25,065 --> 00:13:26,806 I had one like that. 214 00:13:26,849 --> 00:13:29,243 We get what we think we deserve. 215 00:13:30,418 --> 00:13:33,247 Hang in there. 216 00:13:33,290 --> 00:13:35,640 - Wait, will you be my sponsor? - No. 217 00:13:35,684 --> 00:13:37,468 -No? -I would if I could, 218 00:13:37,512 --> 00:13:39,122 but I can't. 219 00:13:39,166 --> 00:13:41,124 Oh. 220 00:13:41,168 --> 00:13:42,647 Just keep asking. There's a lot of people 221 00:13:42,691 --> 00:13:44,736 in there who want to help. 222 00:13:47,435 --> 00:13:50,481 Give me your phone. 223 00:13:50,525 --> 00:13:54,050 You can call me if you can't find anybody, huh? 224 00:13:54,094 --> 00:13:55,878 And maybe I can introduce you 225 00:13:55,922 --> 00:13:58,011 to someone who might be a good fit. 226 00:13:58,054 --> 00:14:00,317 Okay. Thanks. 227 00:14:56,112 --> 00:14:57,809 -I did it. -Did what? 228 00:14:57,853 --> 00:14:58,985 I got help. 229 00:14:59,028 --> 00:15:00,943 Oh, Joy just stop, all right? 230 00:15:00,987 --> 00:15:02,945 I'm an addict, Ben. I'm sick. 231 00:15:02,989 --> 00:15:04,947 Yeah, that's a pretty convenient excuse. 232 00:15:04,991 --> 00:15:06,122 I... I like cereal. 233 00:15:06,166 --> 00:15:07,994 Does that make me a fucking cereal addict? 234 00:15:08,037 --> 00:15:09,473 Ben. 235 00:15:09,517 --> 00:15:12,346 You have two days to get your stuff and move out. 236 00:15:26,882 --> 00:15:31,321 God, you're so fucking hot. I want to marry you. 237 00:15:32,888 --> 00:15:36,761 I like you so much. 238 00:15:36,805 --> 00:15:39,721 Mmm. 239 00:15:41,027 --> 00:15:42,506 You want a beer? 240 00:15:43,986 --> 00:15:46,858 Uh, no thanks. 241 00:16:43,263 --> 00:16:46,875 All right, so how much do we owe you? 242 00:16:46,918 --> 00:16:52,228 Because I know we didn't really discuss all the, uh... Holes. 243 00:16:52,272 --> 00:16:53,838 It's usually a little extra. 244 00:16:53,882 --> 00:16:56,885 Here, I'll give you a little extra. 245 00:16:56,928 --> 00:17:00,236 All right, hey, thanks for a great night. 246 00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:02,195 I mean, Chad... 247 00:17:02,238 --> 00:17:03,718 The guy was in beast mode, right? 248 00:17:03,761 --> 00:17:05,589 He's gonna remember this forever. 249 00:17:05,633 --> 00:17:07,243 Who's Chad? 250 00:17:07,287 --> 00:17:09,245 Jeez... The groom. 251 00:17:17,645 --> 00:17:19,864 Hi, Joy. It's Sam. 252 00:17:19,908 --> 00:17:21,910 You missed your call time. Logan's been thinking 253 00:17:21,953 --> 00:17:24,260 about this a lot. He's got to let you go, okay? 254 00:17:24,304 --> 00:17:26,915 We'll put your last paycheck in the mail. 255 00:17:34,096 --> 00:17:38,100 Hey, you've reached Ben. Please leave... 256 00:17:38,144 --> 00:17:40,102 Hey, you've reached Ben. Please leave a... 257 00:17:41,930 --> 00:17:44,324 Hello, we are unable to answer the phone. 258 00:17:59,643 --> 00:18:02,516 -Hi. -Hey, it's Joy... 259 00:18:02,559 --> 00:18:04,822 From the meeting. 260 00:18:04,866 --> 00:18:07,825 I'm... 261 00:18:07,869 --> 00:18:09,523 Will you pick me up? 262 00:18:16,007 --> 00:18:19,010 Hey. 263 00:18:19,054 --> 00:18:20,795 How are you? 264 00:18:20,838 --> 00:18:26,235 I lost my boyfriend. I lost my apartment. 265 00:18:26,279 --> 00:18:28,585 I lost my job. 266 00:18:28,629 --> 00:18:31,284 Oh, and I just banged a bunch of random dudes 267 00:18:31,327 --> 00:18:34,374 at the same time, and I don't remember. 268 00:18:36,202 --> 00:18:39,161 I don't know what to do anymore. 269 00:18:41,772 --> 00:18:45,211 I think I need help. 270 00:18:45,254 --> 00:18:47,169 You have any friends you can stay with? 271 00:18:47,213 --> 00:18:48,866 They're his friends. 272 00:18:48,910 --> 00:18:50,129 Family? 273 00:18:50,172 --> 00:18:51,739 No fucking way. My family wants 274 00:18:51,782 --> 00:18:53,349 nothing to do with me. 275 00:18:55,090 --> 00:18:57,353 I don't have anybody. 276 00:19:00,095 --> 00:19:02,141 Why won't you sponsor me? 277 00:19:04,708 --> 00:19:07,146 It's a huge commitment. 278 00:19:07,189 --> 00:19:09,060 Please. 279 00:19:09,104 --> 00:19:11,933 You have to save yourself. I can't do this for you. 280 00:19:12,803 --> 00:19:15,154 I know. 281 00:19:15,197 --> 00:19:18,940 It's gonna suck, and it's gonna feel impossible. 282 00:19:18,983 --> 00:19:20,942 You're gonna want to give up, 283 00:19:20,985 --> 00:19:22,204 but you can't. 284 00:19:22,248 --> 00:19:24,250 You have to listen to me. 285 00:19:24,293 --> 00:19:28,341 Anything you say, I will do. I promise. 286 00:19:30,081 --> 00:19:32,171 There's a guest house at my grandma's, 287 00:19:32,214 --> 00:19:34,912 and you can stay there for a little bit until you sober up, 288 00:19:34,956 --> 00:19:36,566 get your feet on the ground. 289 00:19:37,785 --> 00:19:39,700 Thank you. 290 00:19:40,788 --> 00:19:42,355 Thank you. 291 00:19:42,398 --> 00:19:47,447 There are gonna be very strict rules at Nana's house. 292 00:19:47,490 --> 00:19:50,232 Rule number one: I need you to go 30 days 293 00:19:50,276 --> 00:19:52,016 without contacting Ben, 294 00:19:52,060 --> 00:19:55,281 and that includes all forms of social media. 295 00:19:55,324 --> 00:19:57,283 -Rule number two... -Sorry. 296 00:19:57,326 --> 00:20:00,764 You should not be alone with other possible partners. 297 00:20:00,808 --> 00:20:03,680 No sex. No sexting. 298 00:20:03,724 --> 00:20:06,292 No flirting. No intrigue. 299 00:20:06,335 --> 00:20:10,818 No weird Internet stuff. 300 00:20:10,861 --> 00:20:14,213 Rule number three: no masturbating. 301 00:20:25,572 --> 00:20:29,402 Rule number four: keep going to meetings. 302 00:20:29,445 --> 00:20:31,012 They're your lifeline, 303 00:20:31,055 --> 00:20:33,841 and they will keep you on track. 304 00:20:33,884 --> 00:20:36,104 All right, this time is about you. 305 00:20:36,147 --> 00:20:38,498 Just you. 306 00:20:38,541 --> 00:20:40,500 -Thanks, Maddie. -All right. 307 00:20:43,111 --> 00:20:45,287 Yeah, all right. 308 00:20:45,331 --> 00:20:46,854 Uh, the key is under the mat. 309 00:20:46,897 --> 00:20:50,510 Nana's caretaker knows you're here, 310 00:20:50,553 --> 00:20:52,033 but please don't disturb him. 311 00:20:52,076 --> 00:20:54,296 If you need me, call me. 312 00:20:54,340 --> 00:20:56,646 But only if you really need me. 313 00:20:56,690 --> 00:20:57,821 Okay. 314 00:21:43,606 --> 00:21:48,089 Just 30 of these. NBD. 315 00:21:48,132 --> 00:21:50,918 No big D. 316 00:22:14,985 --> 00:22:16,160 Me time. 317 00:22:16,204 --> 00:22:18,293 Hey, babe, I'm walking home. 318 00:22:18,337 --> 00:22:20,251 You know, I'm thinking of picking up 319 00:22:20,295 --> 00:22:22,384 a goddamn pineapple, huh? Pineapple Fridays. 320 00:22:22,428 --> 00:22:24,647 We should totally start that. That's gonna be our thing. 321 00:22:24,691 --> 00:22:26,780 Um, let me know if you want anything else, all right? 322 00:22:26,823 --> 00:22:30,174 I love you. Bye. 323 00:22:30,218 --> 00:22:32,394 Hey, babe, I'm walking home. You know, I'm thinking 324 00:22:32,438 --> 00:22:34,570 of picking up a goddamn pineapple. 325 00:22:34,614 --> 00:22:35,876 Let me know if you want anything else, all right? 326 00:22:35,919 --> 00:22:37,660 I love you. Bye. 327 00:22:37,704 --> 00:22:39,880 Hey, babe, I'm walking home. 328 00:22:50,456 --> 00:22:51,587 You know, I'm thinking of picking up 329 00:22:51,631 --> 00:22:53,589 a goddamn pineapple, huh? 330 00:23:03,120 --> 00:23:04,557 Pineapple Fridays. We should totally start that. 331 00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:06,428 That's gonna be our thing. 332 00:23:19,049 --> 00:23:20,268 I love you. Bye. 333 00:24:23,418 --> 00:24:25,855 Please be Ben, please be Ben, please be Ben. 334 00:24:30,338 --> 00:24:34,516 I can't do it. I just feel so crazy. 335 00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:36,692 I don't know how to be anything but crazy. 336 00:24:36,736 --> 00:24:39,303 I used to be crazy too. 337 00:24:39,347 --> 00:24:40,609 I don't believe you. 338 00:24:40,653 --> 00:24:42,872 Well, after my first six months in the program, 339 00:24:42,916 --> 00:24:45,048 I went right back to my boyfriend. 340 00:24:45,092 --> 00:24:46,441 That's not crazy. 341 00:24:46,485 --> 00:24:49,488 And we kept getting together and breaking up. 342 00:24:49,531 --> 00:24:50,750 That's not crazy. 343 00:24:50,793 --> 00:24:52,795 And then I started working two jobs 344 00:24:52,839 --> 00:24:55,537 so I could buy him a car, 345 00:24:55,581 --> 00:24:57,234 which he totaled. 346 00:24:57,278 --> 00:24:58,888 DUI. 347 00:24:58,932 --> 00:25:03,806 And then we got married while he was in prison... 348 00:25:03,850 --> 00:25:06,766 And while I was fucking my therapist... 349 00:25:06,809 --> 00:25:08,289 And his son. 350 00:25:08,332 --> 00:25:09,682 Okay, that counts. 351 00:25:12,685 --> 00:25:14,077 So, what are your hobbies? 352 00:25:14,121 --> 00:25:15,992 Besides crippling anxiety? 353 00:25:16,036 --> 00:25:18,517 I mean, what do you like to do? 354 00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:21,998 A big part of recovery is finding something to live for. 355 00:25:22,042 --> 00:25:27,177 You ought to try things. Read, learn... Play. 356 00:25:27,221 --> 00:25:28,962 Get curious. 357 00:27:37,830 --> 00:27:40,093 Excuse me. 358 00:27:41,747 --> 00:27:44,663 Excuse me. Excuse me! 359 00:27:44,706 --> 00:27:47,927 Hi. You can't play those. 360 00:27:47,970 --> 00:27:49,493 I'm sorry, who are you? 361 00:27:49,537 --> 00:27:50,886 I live here. You can't play those. 362 00:27:50,930 --> 00:27:52,845 Oh, Maddie didn't tell me you live here. 363 00:27:52,888 --> 00:27:54,281 Maddie's my sister. 364 00:27:54,324 --> 00:27:56,675 Oh, hi. I'm Joy. Nice to meet you. 365 00:27:56,718 --> 00:27:58,024 Okay, great. 366 00:27:58,067 --> 00:28:00,548 Now, please get out of my garage. 367 00:28:02,724 --> 00:28:05,248 I need you to leave now. 368 00:28:08,948 --> 00:28:11,124 My name is Jim. 369 00:29:19,409 --> 00:29:21,281 Fucking shit. Fuck. 370 00:30:00,407 --> 00:30:01,408 Hi. 371 00:30:15,248 --> 00:30:17,076 Right hand on the high hat. 372 00:30:17,119 --> 00:30:19,818 One, two, three, four. 373 00:30:29,523 --> 00:30:32,265 Don't squeeze them with a death grip. 374 00:30:32,308 --> 00:30:34,136 Hold them like baby birds. 375 00:30:34,180 --> 00:30:35,790 Let them breathe. 376 00:30:36,878 --> 00:30:38,445 Good. 377 00:30:38,488 --> 00:30:41,404 Okay, now same beat, please, and no showboating. 378 00:31:20,966 --> 00:31:22,228 What are you doing? 379 00:31:23,142 --> 00:31:24,926 I said no showboating. 380 00:31:24,970 --> 00:31:27,015 -I was backing you up. -No, no. 381 00:31:27,059 --> 00:31:28,364 You know what? You got to go. 382 00:31:29,931 --> 00:31:30,714 Go. 383 00:31:41,900 --> 00:31:46,382 I think every woman I date is the woman of my dreams. 384 00:31:46,426 --> 00:31:48,732 If a woman is even nice to me, 385 00:31:48,776 --> 00:31:51,822 I've already pictured her in a wedding dress, 386 00:31:51,866 --> 00:31:54,564 and when she does make herself available, 387 00:31:54,608 --> 00:31:57,002 I just want to go find someone else. 388 00:31:57,045 --> 00:31:59,134 Another fantasy. 389 00:31:59,178 --> 00:32:02,181 Thanks for everyone's shares. 390 00:32:02,224 --> 00:32:05,358 I really related to all of them, 391 00:32:06,011 --> 00:32:07,708 so thank you. 392 00:32:08,752 --> 00:32:09,623 Um... 393 00:32:12,408 --> 00:32:14,410 My dad was obsessed with women. 394 00:32:18,066 --> 00:32:22,418 Our garage was... Covered in centerfolds. 395 00:32:23,332 --> 00:32:25,421 Naked women everywhere. 396 00:32:26,857 --> 00:32:30,426 And he watched a lot of porn. 397 00:32:30,470 --> 00:32:35,475 Whenever I was home alone, I'd sneak into the garage, 398 00:32:35,518 --> 00:32:37,564 and I watched it. 399 00:32:39,261 --> 00:32:41,046 I think I was, like, five or six 400 00:32:41,089 --> 00:32:42,438 when I started doing it. 401 00:32:45,398 --> 00:32:47,617 I remember, the first time I watched it, I was like, 402 00:32:47,661 --> 00:32:50,794 "I don't know what the hell this is!" 403 00:32:50,838 --> 00:32:54,450 But... My body felt crazy. 404 00:32:54,494 --> 00:32:56,975 I wanted to watch it all the time. 405 00:33:00,804 --> 00:33:04,460 I looked at all those women... 406 00:33:06,071 --> 00:33:07,202 And I thought... 407 00:33:08,856 --> 00:33:11,206 "That's what I want to be. 408 00:33:11,250 --> 00:33:12,903 That's who my dad loves." 409 00:33:16,124 --> 00:33:17,604 I don't know, whatever. 410 00:33:18,953 --> 00:33:19,998 Thanks for letting me share. 411 00:33:24,219 --> 00:33:25,612 Hey, you didn't tell me 412 00:33:25,655 --> 00:33:27,396 your brother lives with your grandma. 413 00:33:27,440 --> 00:33:28,658 He didn't bother you, did he? 414 00:33:29,442 --> 00:33:31,357 No. 415 00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:34,360 Well, he's got real problems, mental health issues, 416 00:33:34,403 --> 00:33:37,711 and he's basically a recluse. 417 00:33:37,754 --> 00:33:39,800 I'm surprised he even came out of the house. 418 00:33:39,843 --> 00:33:42,237 I saw him checking the mail, 419 00:33:42,281 --> 00:33:45,197 and I introduced myself to be polite. 420 00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:46,241 No biggie at all. 421 00:33:46,285 --> 00:33:48,156 Good. 422 00:33:48,200 --> 00:33:50,376 Just leave him alone, and he'll leave you alone, okay? 423 00:36:23,268 --> 00:36:25,008 That was tight. 424 00:36:25,052 --> 00:36:26,053 So good. 425 00:36:26,096 --> 00:36:27,272 Holy shit, that was tight. 426 00:36:27,315 --> 00:36:28,838 We got to record that next time. 427 00:36:28,882 --> 00:36:30,753 Yeah. 428 00:36:30,797 --> 00:36:32,799 My recording setup is pretty lo-fi, you know, but it sounds good. 429 00:36:32,842 --> 00:36:34,496 I can add some reverb, dip the treble. 430 00:36:34,540 --> 00:36:36,759 Yeah, yeah, verb the trebs. 431 00:36:39,849 --> 00:36:41,373 What's your grandma like? 432 00:36:41,416 --> 00:36:43,418 Nana? She's cool. 433 00:36:45,159 --> 00:36:47,988 She basically raised me and Maddie. 434 00:36:48,031 --> 00:36:49,859 She takes care of me. I take care of her. 435 00:36:49,903 --> 00:36:52,297 It's a symbiotic relationship. 436 00:36:52,340 --> 00:36:54,386 She likes watching musicals 437 00:36:54,429 --> 00:36:56,823 and enjoys the works of Shakespeare. 438 00:36:59,042 --> 00:36:59,782 What else do you want to know? 439 00:37:03,830 --> 00:37:05,788 I'm hungry. You want to eat? 440 00:37:08,269 --> 00:37:11,229 Keep the change, my man. 441 00:37:11,272 --> 00:37:13,274 Come on, let's eat at the table inside. 442 00:37:13,318 --> 00:37:15,102 Oh... 443 00:37:15,145 --> 00:37:18,279 I probably shouldn't go in your house. 444 00:37:18,323 --> 00:37:20,629 I promised myself I'd only go as far as this garage. 445 00:37:39,300 --> 00:37:42,042 You really like orange juice. 446 00:37:42,085 --> 00:37:43,696 I love orange juice. 447 00:37:51,791 --> 00:37:54,097 So you're in 12-step with my sister? 448 00:37:54,141 --> 00:37:55,316 Mm-hmm. 449 00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:56,752 Is she your sponsor? 450 00:37:57,275 --> 00:37:58,450 Yeah. 451 00:37:59,451 --> 00:38:01,061 Do you like her? 452 00:38:01,104 --> 00:38:02,018 Yeah. 453 00:38:03,890 --> 00:38:05,457 -Do you? -What? 454 00:38:05,500 --> 00:38:06,632 Do you like her? 455 00:38:06,675 --> 00:38:07,720 Yes. 456 00:38:12,638 --> 00:38:14,292 You're not hungry? 457 00:38:14,335 --> 00:38:18,600 It's been really hard to eat... And sleep, 458 00:38:18,644 --> 00:38:21,516 and, like, be a human being. 459 00:38:21,560 --> 00:38:23,213 Everything's a fucking trigger. 460 00:38:24,780 --> 00:38:26,347 What does that mean? 461 00:38:26,391 --> 00:38:28,393 Trigger? 462 00:38:28,436 --> 00:38:34,355 Uh, something that intensely makes you feel a feeling 463 00:38:34,399 --> 00:38:37,489 that you really don't want to feel. 464 00:38:37,532 --> 00:38:41,057 It makes you react compulsively. 465 00:38:41,101 --> 00:38:43,146 Oh, I have a lot of triggers then. 466 00:38:43,190 --> 00:38:44,496 Exactly. 467 00:38:44,539 --> 00:38:46,149 The whole fucking world is a trigger. 468 00:38:46,193 --> 00:38:48,369 I know. I'm triggered by everything. 469 00:38:48,413 --> 00:38:49,675 I'm triggered by pancakes. 470 00:38:49,718 --> 00:38:51,198 Pancakes? 471 00:38:51,241 --> 00:38:52,939 My boyfriend... 472 00:38:52,982 --> 00:38:56,159 Ex-boyfriend made good pancakes. 473 00:38:56,203 --> 00:38:58,771 I'm triggered by family, sad songs... 474 00:39:00,381 --> 00:39:01,208 Pierogies. 475 00:39:02,252 --> 00:39:03,819 I could see that. 476 00:39:07,997 --> 00:39:10,739 What is happening right now? What are you doing? 477 00:39:13,220 --> 00:39:16,745 Nana taught us to do that when we were little. 478 00:39:16,789 --> 00:39:18,530 She said, "Cookies don't create my fortune. 479 00:39:18,573 --> 00:39:21,010 "I create my fortune." 480 00:39:21,054 --> 00:39:22,577 And she taught us that there are many 481 00:39:22,621 --> 00:39:24,362 much better tasting cookies in the world, 482 00:39:24,405 --> 00:39:26,668 and we shouldn't waste our dessert on a shit cookie. 483 00:39:28,278 --> 00:39:29,410 Nana's amazing. 484 00:39:29,454 --> 00:39:31,978 I know. She's cool. 485 00:39:32,021 --> 00:39:32,805 You're cool. 486 00:39:49,996 --> 00:39:51,693 I'm glad Maddie's sponsoring again. 487 00:39:51,737 --> 00:39:52,868 I didn't think she would. 488 00:39:53,391 --> 00:39:55,218 Why? 489 00:39:55,262 --> 00:39:56,829 Well, she used to sponsor this girl Kelly. 490 00:39:56,872 --> 00:39:58,396 She stayed here too. 491 00:39:58,439 --> 00:40:00,528 Oh, really? What happened? 492 00:40:00,572 --> 00:40:01,877 She killed herself. 493 00:40:05,925 --> 00:40:07,927 She was a really nice person too. 494 00:40:10,451 --> 00:40:12,671 Nana's about to wake up from her nap. 495 00:40:12,714 --> 00:40:14,934 Her naps are always two hours long. 496 00:40:14,977 --> 00:40:16,805 Not a minute less, not a minute more. 497 00:40:16,849 --> 00:40:18,154 How'd she do it? 498 00:40:18,894 --> 00:40:20,243 What? 499 00:40:20,287 --> 00:40:21,984 How'd she kill herself? 500 00:40:22,028 --> 00:40:24,726 Oh, she just took a bunch of pills 501 00:40:24,770 --> 00:40:26,467 and passed out in the bathtub. 502 00:40:26,511 --> 00:40:28,034 Pretty standard stuff. 503 00:40:32,038 --> 00:40:33,909 Hi, Kelly. 504 00:40:34,519 --> 00:40:36,956 It's me, Joy. 505 00:40:39,524 --> 00:40:43,919 I don't want to be weird. I just wanted to say hi... 506 00:40:48,271 --> 00:40:51,753 And I'm sorry, and... 507 00:40:54,147 --> 00:40:55,888 I get you. 508 00:40:58,543 --> 00:41:01,110 I'm gonna try harder for the both of us, okay? 509 00:41:57,602 --> 00:41:59,517 How did it sound? 510 00:41:59,560 --> 00:42:00,387 I think we got it. 511 00:42:01,301 --> 00:42:03,042 I can do it faster. 512 00:42:05,392 --> 00:42:06,698 Do you want me to? 513 00:42:11,572 --> 00:42:13,182 Hey, can I ask you something? 514 00:42:14,923 --> 00:42:17,099 Why did Kelly kill herself? 515 00:42:17,143 --> 00:42:18,927 How can I answer that? 516 00:42:18,971 --> 00:42:22,540 I mean... Did you have any sense of what was wrong? 517 00:42:22,583 --> 00:42:24,019 No. 518 00:42:24,063 --> 00:42:25,847 Did she give you any warning signs? 519 00:42:25,891 --> 00:42:29,590 Maybe she knew she was terminally ill. 520 00:42:29,634 --> 00:42:32,550 Maybe she was bored. Maybe she got dumped 521 00:42:32,593 --> 00:42:33,812 and was sad like you. 522 00:42:41,428 --> 00:42:44,736 Well... Nana's still sleeping. 523 00:42:48,000 --> 00:42:50,089 What are you doing right now? 524 00:42:51,394 --> 00:42:53,179 I hope so. 525 00:42:53,222 --> 00:42:55,398 Bobby certainly has taken charge of those boys. 526 00:42:55,442 --> 00:42:57,009 "I'm just a helpless woman 527 00:42:57,052 --> 00:42:59,620 "with no self-worth because society says I'm nothing 528 00:42:59,664 --> 00:43:01,404 "unless a man saves me. 529 00:43:01,448 --> 00:43:03,102 "Save me, save me! 530 00:43:03,145 --> 00:43:05,974 "Your breath smells like farts, but save me." 531 00:43:06,018 --> 00:43:08,586 "These mouth farts are just for you, my dear. 532 00:43:08,629 --> 00:43:10,326 "My mother never ever loved me, 533 00:43:10,370 --> 00:43:12,241 "but you look just like her so I'll take it." 534 00:43:15,854 --> 00:43:17,595 -Trigger. -What? 535 00:43:17,638 --> 00:43:18,465 Trigger. 536 00:43:22,121 --> 00:43:23,339 Trigger. 537 00:43:24,689 --> 00:43:26,255 Trigger. 538 00:43:36,657 --> 00:43:38,224 You like this show? 539 00:43:38,267 --> 00:43:40,008 Love yourself. 540 00:43:40,052 --> 00:43:42,010 -Happy-Happy loves you. -I'm sorry. 541 00:43:42,054 --> 00:43:43,098 You didn't say trigger. 542 00:43:44,230 --> 00:43:45,231 That was Ben. 543 00:43:46,362 --> 00:43:47,625 Who's Ben? 544 00:43:47,668 --> 00:43:49,801 My boyfriend. My ex-boyfriend. 545 00:43:51,237 --> 00:43:52,455 The hedgehog? 546 00:43:52,499 --> 00:43:53,413 Yeah. 547 00:43:54,806 --> 00:43:57,591 Your ex-boyfriend is a fuzzy hedgehog? 548 00:43:59,158 --> 00:44:00,594 You got dumped by a hedgehog? 549 00:44:07,122 --> 00:44:10,517 Joy, come on. It's okay. 550 00:44:10,560 --> 00:44:12,084 No, it isn't. 551 00:44:12,127 --> 00:44:14,303 He's clearly a loser. You could do better than that. 552 00:44:22,660 --> 00:44:24,662 It's okay. It's okay. 553 00:44:26,881 --> 00:44:30,058 Come on, stop being a baby and just get over it. 554 00:44:30,102 --> 00:44:32,844 I can't just get over it. 555 00:44:32,887 --> 00:44:36,064 I wouldn't need to be here if I could just get over it. 556 00:44:36,108 --> 00:44:38,066 Yeah, you can. 557 00:44:38,110 --> 00:44:39,720 Maybe if you weren't so self-centered, 558 00:44:39,764 --> 00:44:42,288 you'd realize the world has much bigger problems. 559 00:44:42,331 --> 00:44:44,725 So just let go and move on already. 560 00:44:44,769 --> 00:44:46,074 I'm sure he has. 561 00:44:47,859 --> 00:44:49,512 You're an asshole. 562 00:44:54,692 --> 00:44:58,565 I am strong. 563 00:44:58,608 --> 00:45:00,567 I am smart. 564 00:45:01,524 --> 00:45:03,744 I am beautiful. 565 00:45:03,788 --> 00:45:07,661 I am enough for this moment. 566 00:45:07,705 --> 00:45:11,839 "I am Happy-Happy, and I'm a fucking douchebag." 567 00:45:11,883 --> 00:45:14,712 I am a good person. 568 00:45:17,976 --> 00:45:19,673 I am a pizza. 569 00:45:30,597 --> 00:45:31,903 Joy? 570 00:45:35,950 --> 00:45:37,604 You know, I can see you. 571 00:45:38,997 --> 00:45:40,781 Joy, do you want a popsicle that's made 572 00:45:40,825 --> 00:45:42,217 of American flag colors? 573 00:45:42,870 --> 00:45:43,915 I can't. 574 00:45:44,654 --> 00:45:45,525 Oh. 575 00:45:45,568 --> 00:45:46,308 I'm busy. 576 00:45:48,180 --> 00:45:49,311 Yeah, okay. 577 00:45:55,100 --> 00:45:55,927 Thanks! 578 00:47:14,266 --> 00:47:15,963 Okay, let's get you out, Nana. 579 00:48:19,592 --> 00:48:22,769 Today is August 19, 1998. 580 00:48:23,639 --> 00:48:26,686 It's 1:33 a.m. 581 00:48:47,272 --> 00:48:48,969 I'm so sorry. 582 00:48:49,013 --> 00:48:50,536 What are you doing? 583 00:48:52,494 --> 00:48:54,583 -No one's heard these. -Don't! 584 00:48:54,627 --> 00:48:55,715 -They're gonna be buried with me. -Don't do that! 585 00:49:07,335 --> 00:49:08,597 So what do you think? 586 00:49:10,077 --> 00:49:10,991 About what? 587 00:49:12,036 --> 00:49:13,298 The song. 588 00:49:15,039 --> 00:49:16,605 I thought it was beautiful. 589 00:49:19,347 --> 00:49:20,653 Do you want to see something? 590 00:50:37,251 --> 00:50:39,123 -Hey. -Hey. 591 00:50:39,166 --> 00:50:41,386 It's so cool you're keeping up with the painting. 592 00:50:41,429 --> 00:50:44,128 Oh, yeah, just messing around. 593 00:50:44,171 --> 00:50:46,043 I was just dropping off my nana's meds, 594 00:50:46,086 --> 00:50:49,437 so I thought I'd check in and see you're doing. 595 00:50:49,481 --> 00:50:50,395 How you doing? 596 00:50:50,438 --> 00:50:51,439 I'm good. 597 00:50:51,483 --> 00:50:53,006 No contact with Ben, right? 598 00:50:53,050 --> 00:50:54,312 None. 599 00:50:54,355 --> 00:50:56,401 No acting out at all? 600 00:50:56,444 --> 00:50:57,619 Nope. Totally clean. 601 00:51:01,493 --> 00:51:03,103 I guess I'll go see my nana. 602 00:51:03,147 --> 00:51:04,844 And Jim. 603 00:51:04,887 --> 00:51:07,238 Jim and I are taking a break from each other right now. 604 00:51:07,281 --> 00:51:09,457 My sponsor suggested it. 605 00:51:10,284 --> 00:51:11,981 I am proud of you. 606 00:51:12,025 --> 00:51:14,201 Thanks. 607 00:51:18,510 --> 00:51:21,861 "Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, 608 00:51:21,904 --> 00:51:25,995 "And summer's lease hath all too short a date. 609 00:51:26,039 --> 00:51:29,260 "Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines." 610 00:51:29,303 --> 00:51:30,609 I need to talk to Nana. 611 00:51:43,100 --> 00:51:44,753 Hi, Nana. 612 00:51:46,973 --> 00:51:49,715 Hey. 613 00:51:49,758 --> 00:51:51,543 Hi. It's Maddie. 614 00:51:52,152 --> 00:51:53,980 Hi. 615 00:52:01,944 --> 00:52:04,033 We could also just be J and J, 616 00:52:04,077 --> 00:52:06,906 and "All The Way" could be the name of our first album. 617 00:52:06,949 --> 00:52:09,561 Oh... I don't know. 618 00:52:09,604 --> 00:52:13,521 I haven't really thought about us as an actual band. 619 00:52:13,565 --> 00:52:16,220 Kind of pursuing my solo thing, you know? 620 00:52:16,263 --> 00:52:18,787 Thanks, though. You're a really good artist. 621 00:52:23,227 --> 00:52:27,318 Let's start with "Here's to the Trigger," yeah? 622 00:52:27,361 --> 00:52:31,365 All right. One, two, one, two... 623 00:52:31,409 --> 00:52:33,193 All right, what's wrong? 624 00:52:34,934 --> 00:52:36,196 Come on, Joy, what? 625 00:54:47,588 --> 00:54:49,851 So why do we need to know about this? 626 00:54:50,983 --> 00:54:52,811 Mom, I told you. 627 00:54:52,854 --> 00:54:55,248 I just want you to know who I am. 628 00:54:55,292 --> 00:54:57,294 I want you in my life. 629 00:54:57,337 --> 00:55:00,688 I've been working really hard on being really honest 630 00:55:00,732 --> 00:55:02,821 and looking at my patterns 631 00:55:02,864 --> 00:55:06,520 and talking to people about it. 632 00:55:06,564 --> 00:55:08,130 I'm not the only one. There are other people 633 00:55:08,174 --> 00:55:10,568 out there just like me with the same addictions. 634 00:55:10,611 --> 00:55:12,004 We all just want love 635 00:55:12,047 --> 00:55:15,312 and intimacy and connection, but... 636 00:55:15,355 --> 00:55:18,315 We don't know how to get it without hurting ourselves. 637 00:55:19,620 --> 00:55:22,362 No one showed us how. 638 00:55:22,406 --> 00:55:24,495 It's okay. 639 00:55:24,538 --> 00:55:26,888 I'll make you spaghetti. Your favorite. 640 00:55:31,545 --> 00:55:33,547 Your Uncle Louie was an addict. 641 00:55:35,854 --> 00:55:38,117 Couldn't stop buying hats. 642 00:56:25,164 --> 00:56:28,167 I enjoy reading books, writing, 643 00:56:28,210 --> 00:56:29,995 and playing the piano. 644 00:56:30,038 --> 00:56:32,780 But most of all, I love dancing. 645 00:56:37,872 --> 00:56:39,396 It was so crazy. 646 00:56:39,439 --> 00:56:43,487 I could really see my parents, you know what I mean? 647 00:56:45,445 --> 00:56:48,274 They'll never be what I want them to be. 648 00:56:48,317 --> 00:56:51,408 I can stop expecting them to be somebody else. 649 00:56:51,451 --> 00:56:53,322 They're human beings 650 00:56:53,366 --> 00:56:55,673 who have no idea what they're doing, just like me. 651 00:56:58,197 --> 00:57:00,025 One, two... 652 00:57:00,068 --> 00:57:01,592 I feel really stupid right now, 653 00:57:01,635 --> 00:57:03,463 like you're not getting it. 654 00:57:03,507 --> 00:57:05,465 I get it, Joy. I just want to play. 655 00:57:05,509 --> 00:57:08,381 Do you get it? I don't think you get it. 656 00:57:08,425 --> 00:57:09,556 I get it. 657 00:57:09,600 --> 00:57:11,471 -Do you though? -I get it. 658 00:57:11,515 --> 00:57:13,430 Do you even realize how long you've been talking? 659 00:57:13,473 --> 00:57:15,432 Oh. Okay. 660 00:57:15,475 --> 00:57:17,303 Let's play now. 661 00:57:20,219 --> 00:57:23,440 Are you acting out? Is this acting out? 662 00:57:27,835 --> 00:57:28,923 Stop. 663 00:57:29,968 --> 00:57:32,840 I get it, Joy! I get it! 664 00:57:33,972 --> 00:57:36,583 My dad was drunk and left us. 665 00:57:36,627 --> 00:57:39,064 My mom was miserable and left us. 666 00:57:39,107 --> 00:57:41,980 My sister won't talk to me. I miss her. 667 00:57:44,112 --> 00:57:46,071 I'm wearing my underwear inside out 668 00:57:46,114 --> 00:57:48,029 because I don't care enough about myself to do laundry, 669 00:57:48,073 --> 00:57:50,292 so, yeah... I get it. 670 00:57:52,686 --> 00:57:54,514 This morning, I woke up thinking 671 00:57:54,558 --> 00:57:56,777 I was holding someone's hand... 672 00:57:57,865 --> 00:57:59,737 But it was just my other hand. 673 00:58:03,218 --> 00:58:05,482 Sometimes I sleep with a phone book on top of me 674 00:58:05,525 --> 00:58:06,961 because it feels like love. 675 00:58:09,398 --> 00:58:11,096 I can't eat Gummy Bears 676 00:58:11,139 --> 00:58:12,880 because I think they have feelings. 677 00:58:23,282 --> 00:58:24,152 You're my friend. 678 00:58:30,245 --> 00:58:32,030 Are you asking me or are you telling me? 679 00:58:34,728 --> 00:58:36,948 You're my friend, Jim. 680 00:58:37,949 --> 00:58:39,037 I'm just saying. 681 00:58:42,954 --> 00:58:43,998 Yeah. 682 00:58:46,697 --> 00:58:48,263 You're my friend. 683 00:58:51,353 --> 00:58:52,093 Weirdo. 684 00:58:56,794 --> 00:58:58,578 You ready to play now? 685 00:58:59,710 --> 00:59:00,754 Yeah. 686 00:59:07,587 --> 00:59:09,067 I wrote a song. 687 01:01:04,573 --> 01:01:06,880 What the fuck is this? 688 01:01:06,924 --> 01:01:10,014 Maddie, we're just friends. 689 01:01:10,057 --> 01:01:13,539 I'm so stupid. 690 01:01:13,582 --> 01:01:16,063 I came by to congratulate you on all your progress. 691 01:01:18,718 --> 01:01:20,372 What the hell are you doing? 692 01:01:20,415 --> 01:01:22,461 Oh, so it's okay to talk to me now? 693 01:01:22,504 --> 01:01:24,637 Did you make sure your sponsor's cool with it 694 01:01:24,681 --> 01:01:27,901 or are you breaking one of the rules right now? 695 01:01:27,945 --> 01:01:29,773 You told me you were committed to taking care of Nana. 696 01:01:29,816 --> 01:01:31,557 Here we go. 697 01:01:31,600 --> 01:01:33,515 If you can't handle it, you need to tell me. 698 01:01:33,559 --> 01:01:34,952 She's napping, Maddie. She's fine. 699 01:01:34,995 --> 01:01:36,605 If you can't do it, Jim, 700 01:01:36,649 --> 01:01:38,042 we're gonna have to put her in a home. 701 01:01:38,085 --> 01:01:39,913 This is her fucking home! 702 01:01:39,957 --> 01:01:41,523 Oh, you are so selfish. 703 01:01:41,567 --> 01:01:44,048 This is about what Nana needs, not you. 704 01:01:44,091 --> 01:01:45,789 You have no fucking idea what she needs! 705 01:01:45,832 --> 01:01:47,660 You're so wrapped up in your own personal tragedy 706 01:01:47,704 --> 01:01:49,096 and your 12-step cult, 707 01:01:49,140 --> 01:01:50,532 you don't see anything outside of that anymore. 708 01:01:50,576 --> 01:01:51,925 You've checked out of this family 709 01:01:51,969 --> 01:01:52,970 a long fucking time ago. 710 01:01:53,013 --> 01:01:55,581 Joy, tell me the truth. 711 01:01:55,624 --> 01:01:57,061 Are you two sleeping together? 712 01:01:57,104 --> 01:01:58,671 You think you know everything, but you don't. 713 01:01:58,715 --> 01:02:00,542 Nana is doing great, and so am I. 714 01:02:00,586 --> 01:02:03,197 Not everyone needs saving. We're happy here. 715 01:02:03,241 --> 01:02:04,982 Oh, of course you are. You have a new girlfriend. 716 01:02:05,025 --> 01:02:07,071 She's not my girlfriend, you asshole. 717 01:02:07,114 --> 01:02:08,246 I don't even think she's cute. 718 01:02:11,553 --> 01:02:13,512 You're self destructing. You know that. 719 01:02:13,555 --> 01:02:16,558 There are rules to follow, and if you don't, 720 01:02:16,602 --> 01:02:19,083 you will end up right back where you started, 721 01:02:19,126 --> 01:02:21,999 and it will feel so much worse. 722 01:02:23,130 --> 01:02:25,219 I'm not like Kelly, okay? 723 01:02:25,263 --> 01:02:26,568 You don't have to worry. 724 01:02:40,844 --> 01:02:42,280 Hey, don't mind Maddie. She's crazy. 725 01:03:39,250 --> 01:03:41,818 -Thanks. -Mm-hmm, yeah. 726 01:03:41,861 --> 01:03:43,210 -Have a nice day. -Hey. 727 01:03:44,995 --> 01:03:46,866 Hey. 728 01:03:46,910 --> 01:03:47,954 How are you? 729 01:03:47,998 --> 01:03:50,609 Good. How are you? 730 01:03:51,218 --> 01:03:52,393 Good. 731 01:03:52,437 --> 01:03:54,526 -Good... Good. -That's good. 732 01:03:57,050 --> 01:03:58,704 I've, uh... 733 01:03:58,747 --> 01:04:00,662 Been thinking about you a lot recently. 734 01:04:00,706 --> 01:04:04,057 Yeah, I've been thinking about you too. 735 01:04:05,885 --> 01:04:07,626 Um... 736 01:04:07,669 --> 01:04:08,888 What are you doing right now? 737 01:04:08,932 --> 01:04:09,802 Are... Are you busy? 738 01:04:09,846 --> 01:04:12,674 Uh, no. 739 01:04:12,718 --> 01:04:15,677 Um, I'm just shopping for balloons 740 01:04:15,721 --> 01:04:18,419 because I'm supposed to love myself 741 01:04:18,463 --> 01:04:20,857 and do things like that now. 742 01:04:20,900 --> 01:04:21,988 -Um... -Okay. 743 01:04:22,032 --> 01:04:23,120 How about you? 744 01:04:23,163 --> 01:04:25,470 I am getting some glow sticks 745 01:04:25,513 --> 01:04:27,864 for Logan's warehouse rave. 746 01:04:27,907 --> 01:04:28,821 Nice. 747 01:04:28,865 --> 01:04:29,909 Yeah. 748 01:04:29,953 --> 01:04:31,650 Yeah. 749 01:04:31,693 --> 01:04:32,520 Yeah. 750 01:04:32,564 --> 01:04:33,695 Yeah. 751 01:04:40,833 --> 01:04:44,706 Oh, God. 752 01:04:52,932 --> 01:04:54,673 So what else is new? 753 01:04:54,716 --> 01:04:56,414 Um... 754 01:04:57,371 --> 01:04:59,199 I'm in a band. 755 01:04:59,243 --> 01:05:00,766 Yeah? 756 01:05:00,809 --> 01:05:02,028 Oh, cool. 757 01:05:02,072 --> 01:05:03,769 Yeah, I'm, uh, you know, 758 01:05:03,812 --> 01:05:06,119 glad we've both been doing our own thing, you know? 759 01:05:06,163 --> 01:05:09,079 I've got some stuff going on too, so I definitely, you know, 760 01:05:09,122 --> 01:05:11,472 I think we should keep that going. 761 01:05:11,516 --> 01:05:13,300 It's cute you're in a band though. 762 01:05:13,344 --> 01:05:14,954 Uh, you're not singing? 763 01:05:14,998 --> 01:05:17,174 'Cause we've seen you at karaoke, 'cause... 764 01:05:17,217 --> 01:05:18,915 No, I'm just saying, you know, 765 01:05:18,958 --> 01:05:20,351 you always try to... Monkey... 766 01:05:23,136 --> 01:05:25,573 Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! 767 01:05:30,752 --> 01:05:31,492 Your balloons! You... 768 01:06:04,656 --> 01:06:05,526 Hey. 769 01:06:05,570 --> 01:06:06,397 Hey. 770 01:06:08,312 --> 01:06:09,443 I made this for you. 771 01:06:15,667 --> 01:06:16,973 See you. 772 01:06:21,238 --> 01:06:23,022 Who was that? 773 01:06:24,067 --> 01:06:25,416 I have no idea. 774 01:06:27,809 --> 01:06:29,376 What happened to 30 days? 775 01:06:30,856 --> 01:06:33,032 I ran into Ben at the party store. 776 01:06:34,860 --> 01:06:37,036 I told him I was in a band. 777 01:06:37,080 --> 01:06:39,125 And then you fucked some random dude? 778 01:06:39,169 --> 01:06:40,648 Yeah, I know. 779 01:06:40,692 --> 01:06:41,823 I'm the worst person in the world. 780 01:06:41,867 --> 01:06:43,912 No. 781 01:06:43,956 --> 01:06:45,392 But you're acting really stupid. 782 01:06:45,436 --> 01:06:47,655 I get it. I'm stupid, okay? 783 01:06:49,875 --> 01:06:51,181 Why would you even care? 784 01:06:51,224 --> 01:06:52,878 I thought we were friends. 785 01:06:52,921 --> 01:06:55,228 We're not friends, you idiot. I love you. 786 01:06:55,272 --> 01:06:56,360 No, you don't. 787 01:06:56,403 --> 01:06:58,057 Yeah, I do. 788 01:06:58,101 --> 01:07:00,581 No, you need to grow up. You're a fucking lunatic baby. 789 01:07:00,625 --> 01:07:02,366 Oh, really? Takes one to know one. 790 01:07:02,409 --> 01:07:03,802 That's what babies say. 791 01:07:03,845 --> 01:07:05,369 You need to need to fucking grow up. 792 01:07:05,412 --> 01:07:06,935 Look at yourself. Look at me. 793 01:07:06,979 --> 01:07:09,242 We ruin people's lives. That's who we are! 794 01:07:11,244 --> 01:07:13,812 Let's get out of each other's lives and save ourselves. 795 01:07:15,292 --> 01:07:16,945 I'm eating this cake. 796 01:07:52,198 --> 01:07:54,244 Hi, you've reached Maddie. Leave a message. 797 01:07:54,287 --> 01:07:56,637 I'll get back to you as soon as I can. 798 01:07:56,681 --> 01:07:58,509 Hey, Maddie, it's Joy. 799 01:07:59,988 --> 01:08:02,252 I relapsed. 800 01:08:02,295 --> 01:08:03,992 Not with Jim... 801 01:08:04,036 --> 01:08:06,952 With Ben and some other people. 802 01:08:08,258 --> 01:08:10,477 You were right. 803 01:08:10,521 --> 01:08:12,000 It's worse than before. 804 01:08:14,568 --> 01:08:17,876 I'm so sorry for everything. 805 01:08:17,919 --> 01:08:19,573 You've been nothing but kind to me. 806 01:08:22,185 --> 01:08:24,143 When I said I'm not like Kelly, I just meant... 807 01:08:26,624 --> 01:08:28,104 I'm not going anywhere, okay? 808 01:08:28,147 --> 01:08:29,453 I promise. 809 01:08:34,545 --> 01:08:36,895 Thank you for everything you've done for me. 810 01:09:04,488 --> 01:09:06,925 Sorry. Sorry. 811 01:09:06,968 --> 01:09:08,144 Sorry. 812 01:09:10,581 --> 01:09:11,582 Sorry. 813 01:09:16,717 --> 01:09:17,675 Not sorry. 814 01:10:07,028 --> 01:10:08,073 Jim? 815 01:10:20,041 --> 01:10:21,869 Jim? 816 01:10:24,132 --> 01:10:25,133 Jim? 817 01:10:28,267 --> 01:10:29,268 Oh, hi. 818 01:10:30,791 --> 01:10:32,140 Do you know where Jim is? 819 01:10:37,798 --> 01:10:39,626 What are you watching? 820 01:11:21,886 --> 01:11:23,191 I gotta go. 821 01:11:24,889 --> 01:11:26,760 It was nice meeting you. 822 01:11:43,734 --> 01:11:45,213 What was that? 823 01:12:49,016 --> 01:12:49,800 Jim? 824 01:13:07,513 --> 01:13:10,342 Oh, let me help. 825 01:13:10,386 --> 01:13:11,822 Thanks. 826 01:13:11,865 --> 01:13:14,433 All righty. 827 01:13:22,310 --> 01:13:23,834 I know you're not like Kelly. 828 01:13:27,185 --> 01:13:28,578 What was she like? 829 01:13:28,621 --> 01:13:31,972 Oh, she was... Complicated. 830 01:13:33,496 --> 01:13:35,802 And awesome, 831 01:13:35,846 --> 01:13:39,066 and she had a great big heart, just like you, 832 01:13:41,199 --> 01:13:42,635 But she didn't have the strength you have. 833 01:13:45,508 --> 01:13:48,293 She was not gonna make it through the darkest moments, 834 01:13:50,469 --> 01:13:51,601 but I know you will, 835 01:13:55,866 --> 01:13:57,694 I think about her all the time. 836 01:13:58,695 --> 01:14:00,087 It keeps me going. 837 01:14:00,914 --> 01:14:02,176 Yeah, me too. 838 01:14:04,875 --> 01:14:06,659 She was lucky to have you. 839 01:14:07,530 --> 01:14:09,053 Thanks. 840 01:15:02,410 --> 01:15:04,717 Pretty crazy how we can go through a bunch of stuff 841 01:15:04,761 --> 01:15:06,153 and not die. 842 01:15:09,809 --> 01:15:13,247 Time doesn't exist, 843 01:15:13,291 --> 01:15:17,251 and five-year-old you is cheering you on. 844 01:15:21,604 --> 01:15:23,388 So, is there anybody here today 845 01:15:23,431 --> 01:15:26,304 who has one-month of sobriety? 846 01:15:28,741 --> 01:15:29,742 Congratulations. 847 01:15:31,222 --> 01:15:32,702 Three months? 848 01:15:40,318 --> 01:15:42,015 Six months? 849 01:15:44,409 --> 01:15:46,019 Nine months? 850 01:15:48,195 --> 01:15:49,545 One year? 851 01:15:59,816 --> 01:16:02,166 Hey. 852 01:16:04,168 --> 01:16:05,430 I did it. 853 01:16:05,473 --> 01:16:06,953 You did it. 854 01:16:06,997 --> 01:16:08,651 Now, the next time I see you 855 01:16:08,694 --> 01:16:10,304 we're gonna have to start talking about a dating plan. 856 01:16:10,348 --> 01:16:11,958 That sounds terrible. 857 01:16:12,002 --> 01:16:14,352 Oh, it is. And then it's not. 858 01:16:16,397 --> 01:16:19,009 Listen, I want to thank you for something. 859 01:16:19,749 --> 01:16:22,229 Thank me? 860 01:16:22,273 --> 01:16:26,843 Jim and I, we love each other so much. 861 01:16:26,886 --> 01:16:29,585 We've always been the only other stable person 862 01:16:29,628 --> 01:16:31,151 in each other's lives. 863 01:16:31,195 --> 01:16:33,937 I almost really fucked that up... 864 01:16:33,980 --> 01:16:37,593 And we're so good now, I... 865 01:16:37,636 --> 01:16:39,725 I just wanted to thank you 866 01:16:39,769 --> 01:16:41,597 for helping me find my brother again. 867 01:16:42,989 --> 01:16:45,644 I love you, Maddie. 868 01:16:45,688 --> 01:16:46,732 I love you too, Joy. 869 01:16:48,691 --> 01:16:50,823 - Please. - Come on. 870 01:17:01,442 --> 01:17:03,183 Ah! 871 01:17:41,352 --> 01:17:43,049 "Here's to the Trigger" sounded so tight 872 01:17:43,093 --> 01:17:45,008 with the synth you added. 873 01:17:45,051 --> 01:17:46,270 So tight. 874 01:17:47,706 --> 01:17:49,316 Did you like the hand claps? 875 01:17:49,360 --> 01:17:51,101 Loved the hand claps. 876 01:17:51,144 --> 01:17:53,494 Were the sirens at the end too much? 877 01:17:53,538 --> 01:17:55,714 I would normally roll my eyes at sirens, 878 01:17:55,758 --> 01:17:57,324 but you layered them in there so gracefully, 879 01:17:57,368 --> 01:17:59,283 I hardly knew what the sound was. 880 01:18:01,894 --> 01:18:03,330 You're really talented. 881 01:18:04,810 --> 01:18:05,898 Thank you. 882 01:18:08,771 --> 01:18:10,033 How are you? 883 01:18:10,076 --> 01:18:12,122 I'm good. Mm-hmm. 884 01:18:12,775 --> 01:18:13,993 How are you? 885 01:18:14,646 --> 01:18:16,082 I'm good. 886 01:18:18,606 --> 01:18:20,347 How are you really? 887 01:18:22,349 --> 01:18:24,177 "How are you really?" 888 01:18:25,570 --> 01:18:28,094 Good. I said I'm good. 889 01:18:31,445 --> 01:18:33,883 I mean, you know, I missed you. 890 01:18:33,926 --> 01:18:35,972 My music got so much better playing with you, 891 01:18:36,015 --> 01:18:38,931 and it was fun. 892 01:18:39,932 --> 01:18:41,586 I missed you too. 893 01:18:44,632 --> 01:18:46,896 I play acoustic sets 894 01:18:46,939 --> 01:18:50,116 at the Pig and Whistle now every Sunday. 895 01:18:50,160 --> 01:18:53,424 Nobody pays attention, but I don't care. 896 01:18:53,467 --> 01:18:55,121 And Maddie and her boyfriend eat dinner 897 01:18:55,165 --> 01:18:56,601 with me and Nana once a week. 898 01:18:58,472 --> 01:18:59,560 Pretty cool. 899 01:19:02,041 --> 01:19:03,521 Oh, I started making waffles 900 01:19:03,564 --> 01:19:05,915 with the waffle iron that I purchased. 901 01:19:05,958 --> 01:19:07,394 That's fucking awesome. 902 01:19:07,438 --> 01:19:08,700 It really is. 903 01:19:10,049 --> 01:19:11,703 I think we're gonna be okay. 904 01:19:13,400 --> 01:19:15,272 We are okay. Both of us. 905 01:19:41,385 --> 01:19:42,473 God. 906 01:19:47,130 --> 01:19:48,261 Ah. 907 01:19:53,658 --> 01:19:54,615 You wanna play? 908 01:19:56,400 --> 01:19:58,054 Yeah.