1 00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:39,650 Not 2 00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:40,920 Not 3 00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:52,960 Not 4 00:00:53,160 --> 00:00:54,844 Now we're Glamthrax 5 00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:56,491 And we take no shit 6 00:00:56,760 --> 00:00:58,842 And we don't care for writing hits 7 00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:01,128 The sound you hear is what we like 8 00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:03,801 And I'll steal your puppets like I stole your... 9 00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:05,684 Socks. 10 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:07,400 Yo, man, what's the matter with you? 11 00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:08,896 Sorry, I'll get it next time, I promise. 12 00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:10,888 Colleen beats the beats, the beats you beat 13 00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:13,208 The only thing harder is the smell of my feet 14 00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:16,086 So listen up 'cause you might get dissed 15 00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:18,124 go drain the lizard or take a... 16 00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:19,440 Chair. 17 00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:21,807 Damn, c'mon, girl, watch the beat. 18 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:23,360 I'm on your case I'm in your face 19 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:25,045 Get you and your father back in place 20 00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:26,725 Step up sucker understand 21 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:28,520 - Don't you know that... - I'm the man. 22 00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:29,681 - I'm the man - I'm bad 23 00:01:29,960 --> 00:01:31,360 I'm so bad I should be in detention. 24 00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:32,567 I'm the man! 25 00:01:32,840 --> 00:01:33,840 All right. 26 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:35,809 We've got real def rhythms 27 00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:37,246 And fresh new jams 28 00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:38,248 You say we got egos 29 00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:39,601 But we're just hams 30 00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:40,920 Roof shit, top shelf 31 00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:42,120 And we like to skate 32 00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:43,930 But we're never on time, we're always... 33 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:45,406 - Sleeping. - Late. 34 00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:46,680 Damn it. 35 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:48,016 The important thing is that you tried. 36 00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:49,485 Yeah. 37 00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:51,450 I'm on your case I'm in your face 38 00:01:51,760 --> 00:01:53,136 Put you and your father back in place 39 00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:54,491 Step up sucker, understand 40 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:55,323 - Don't you know that... - I'm the man. 41 00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:56,640 I'm the man, I'm bad. 42 00:01:56,880 --> 00:01:58,056 I'm so bad I should be in detention. 43 00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:00,481 - I'm the man! - All right 44 00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:01,841 So 45 00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:03,849 As this rap is winding down 46 00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:06,407 It's plain to see we wear the crown 47 00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:08,762 You know Glamthrax is number one 48 00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:10,769 But we don't care, we just wanna have... 49 00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:12,530 A festival. 50 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,360 Fun, Colleen, girls just wanna have fun. 51 00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:15,526 Hey, that's a song 52 00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:17,404 Colleen 53 00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:19,284 Mailed the mail, the mail she mailed 54 00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:20,920 We are the queens so all shall hail 55 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:23,083 We're like a diamond is forever 56 00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:25,442 And we'll remain the hardest 57 00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:30,760 Ever 58 00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:37,647 I'm so bad it's a crime. 59 00:02:37,920 --> 00:02:38,920 Not. 60 00:02:39,640 --> 00:02:40,971 Not, not, not, not-not 61 00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:16,200 Woo! 62 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:18,000 Yeah. 63 00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:28,009 Look at his cute little nipples. 64 00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:30,681 Oh, my god, Ichabod, cover up. 65 00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:38,962 You know, I don't have to come and beat the skins 66 00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:40,280 for you two Beliebers. 67 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:41,520 - Shut up. - Yeah. 68 00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:42,925 You know we love you, Icha-wad. 69 00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:44,960 Remember when he ripped off his shirt before 70 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:46,604 and we saw his yummy Icha-bod? 71 00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:50,527 I nearly wrote a whole blog about it, girl, hasthtag Ichagod. 72 00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:52,968 - You did? - I did not. 73 00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:55,049 Not, not, not-not 74 00:03:58,280 --> 00:03:59,280 No. 75 00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:03,121 - Shit. - No, what's that noise? 76 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:06,961 Oh, no, do you two uncompromising rebel riot girls 77 00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:08,969 actually have to go back to work? 78 00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:11,481 - Shut up, Icha-bodily functions. - Yeah. 79 00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:14,127 Excuse me, Condescending Riot Girls. 80 00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:18,240 Uh, we'll take two packs of smokes, gimme a bag of milk, 81 00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:20,656 and why don't you throw in the best most exciting years 82 00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:22,648 of your life stuck behind a counter, eh? 83 00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:23,920 You're a dick, Ichabod. 84 00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:25,040 Oh, that's mean. 85 00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:27,043 I call you Dickabod. 86 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:31,245 I can't believe it took you this long to think of Dickabod! 87 00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:56,882 Sorry aboot that. Sorry aboot that. 88 00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:58,970 Sorry aboot that. 89 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,809 Sorry aboot that. 90 00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:06,121 Sorry aboot that. 91 00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:08,368 Now, that was a lot longer than 10 minutes. 92 00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:11,769 My best friend was having lady problems in the bathroom, okay? 93 00:05:12,080 --> 00:05:13,080 May I shop? 94 00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:14,240 Sure. 95 00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:18,801 Sir Pedophile-in-Denial. 96 00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:20,684 So I'll see you guys Friday, eh? 97 00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:25,601 I said, eh? 98 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:31,690 Wunderbar 99 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:41,810 Hi. 100 00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:45,124 Um, True Norths, this week's issue of Them, 101 00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:46,845 and his Pucky Charms. 102 00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:49,844 And, um... Condoms. 103 00:05:54,840 --> 00:05:57,366 Oh, my god, this is about you two. 104 00:05:57,640 --> 00:05:59,927 Yes, ma'am, and we hate it. 105 00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:02,043 It says here that you saved a man's life. 106 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,240 But it's, like, dumb because the guy was a walrus 107 00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:06,601 - and not a manatee. - There's a big difference. 108 00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:08,769 Yeah, a walrus has tusks and manatees don't. 109 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:11,771 Did you know they called the manatee a sea cow? 110 00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:15,681 Moo, I'm utterly underwater, eh? Moo, moo, eh? 111 00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:19,640 That's her underwater cow, it's hysterical. 112 00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:21,962 That is funny. C'mon, Wayne. 113 00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:33,362 Moo, moo, moo. I'm a loser, eh? 114 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:38,363 Okay, that kid rules. 115 00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:40,563 More of that, less of everything else ever. 116 00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:55,960 Hunter Calloway's here, Hunter Calloway's here! 117 00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:58,805 Oh, my god, could you stop being so basic? 118 00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:01,811 Oh, I gotta Gram the shit outta this. 119 00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:10,648 The little Colleen Coalition. 120 00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:12,416 The only sassy, sexy... 121 00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:15,967 sophomores in Honors history rockin' the smocks. 122 00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:18,960 Where's the Pepto Bismol? 123 00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:27,367 Ew, it's over there. 124 00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:29,921 Sorry aboot that, he's such a sitcom. 125 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:31,560 Yeah, well, we close in 20 minutes, 126 00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:33,280 so if he pukes, you're cleaning it up. 127 00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:36,689 Let me ask you somethin', you ladies like workin' the Zed? 128 00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:38,610 - Not at all. - Customers make it suck. 129 00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:41,850 Yeah, you know what wouldn't suck? 130 00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:45,124 Colleen and Colleen with me in between. 131 00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:48,410 The very definition of suck. 132 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:51,206 Are the Colleen's, perchance, working tomorrow? 133 00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:53,562 Not on a Friday night, no way. 134 00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:54,887 We're off, why? 135 00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:58,010 I would like to invite you both to my party. 136 00:07:58,280 --> 00:07:59,280 A senior party? 137 00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:00,566 A neenior nardy? 138 00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:04,089 Now with two very cool sophomores. 139 00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:08,370 May I have the honor of your number, mademoiselle? 140 00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:25,920 Who's there? 141 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:30,928 Come out, come out, wherever you are. 142 00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:37,927 - Wunderbar. 143 00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:43,046 Oh, oh. 144 00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:46,490 Get out of my bum! 145 00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:50,080 A grade 12 party with boys? 146 00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:52,282 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 147 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:55,570 I'm not aboot to let you go to a grade 12 party with boys, Colleen. 148 00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:04,210 It's just a grade 12 party, it's not the Nazi Party. 149 00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:08,844 Senior boys only invite sophomore girls to parties for one thing. 150 00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:11,256 Well, me and Colleen don't do that. 151 00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:14,363 And even if we did, we have our periods this week. 152 00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:16,176 No, you don't, little liar. 153 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:19,204 We're always in-sync and I don't get mine for two more weeks. 154 00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:22,006 Holy shit, you still get your period Ms. McKenzie? 155 00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:25,689 Please, you have to let me go to this party. 156 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,765 It's only the most important night of my entire life. 157 00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:32,044 No way. Just the thought of going to a grade 12 party 158 00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:34,846 has you lying to me about your menstrual cycle. 159 00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:37,930 And you know a woman's menstrual cycle is sacred, Colleen. 160 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:40,806 I'm talking aboot the period blood of women. 161 00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:43,776 Please, just let me go, Mom. 162 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,882 I promise won't sellout on my gender ever again. 163 00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:49,642 On one condition, you bring something stabby. 164 00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:52,127 They get cute, they get cut. 165 00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:53,686 Holy shit. 166 00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,928 I call her The Mohel, she's my date knife. 167 00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:57,605 Thanks. 168 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:03,410 So we start with Pretentious Frog. 169 00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:07,530 Pretentious Frog, "I only eat grass-fed flies." 170 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:15,930 The Dissatisfied Customer. 171 00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:18,646 Dissatisfied Customer. 172 00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:23,121 "I don't like the product you've given me." 173 00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:26,171 Atlas Shrugged, Atlas Shrugged. 174 00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:28,600 We've got Atlas and then we shrug. 175 00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:31,411 Do Lasers from the Wrists, Lasers from the Wrists. 176 00:10:31,680 --> 00:10:33,603 Yoga Fett, Yoga Fett. 177 00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:35,656 Awkward Conversationalist, we put our foot in a mouth. 178 00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:36,727 Foot in the mouth. 179 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:39,480 Upward Dog, our favorite canine. 180 00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:42,248 Downward Dog. 181 00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:44,602 Here we go Three-Legged Dog. 182 00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:47,400 That's sad, Three-Legged Dog, look at that dog. 183 00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:49,045 But you know what's sadder? 184 00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:51,322 Two-Legged Dog, and he's in his little pushcart, 185 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:55,127 his little makeshift wheelbarrow and he's pushing himself along. 186 00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:58,290 We push right into Lotus Position. 187 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:02,809 And we feel positive energy all around us. 188 00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:05,208 And let's hold onto that positive energy in the room. 189 00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:09,520 But, you know, I did read on the message boards 190 00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:11,136 at CanadianCorpses.com that they've been finding 191 00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:13,288 body parts all over Winnipeg for the last few months. 192 00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:17,883 Body parts? 193 00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:21,249 Oh, yeah, arms, legs, heads, scalps, torsos, 194 00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:24,410 feet, hands, nipples, dinkies. 195 00:11:24,680 --> 00:11:26,682 Dinkies? 196 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:30,243 I said, "Take my dinky first, but leave me my nipples." 197 00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:32,360 It's basically a vestigial dinky at this point. 198 00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:35,166 But you take my nipples, and that's my identity. 199 00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:38,125 There's some real negativity in the world, girls. But remember, 200 00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:42,246 negative space can still be a design asset, as long as you live the Yoga Way. 201 00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:44,688 And you breathe the Yoga Way. 202 00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:47,122 And. yes, you even have to shit the Yoga Way. 203 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,616 Seriously. sit in Lotus Position next time you're on the toilet, 204 00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:53,122 everything just falls out of you. Like you're dumping a book bag. 205 00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:55,044 A book bag full of poo. 206 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:06,770 Go. 207 00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:11,924 Okay. let me see. 208 00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:15,283 That one's cute. that one's cute, don't post that one though. 209 00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:16,891 Okay. yeah, you look basic. 210 00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:21,006 Oh. what in the ham and eggs is this all about? 211 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:24,204 It looks like a Vancouver Hockey Riot in here. 212 00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:25,567 What'd you do. rob a mall? 213 00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:32,605 - Hi. Dad. - Hi, Mr. Collette. 214 00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:34,216 What are you doin' with all these clothes? 215 00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:36,607 - We're screening outfits. - Oh. yeah? 216 00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:38,976 Whatever gets the most likes. we wear to the party tomorrow night. 217 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:40,161 A grade 12 party. 218 00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:42,727 No! 219 00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:45,088 A grade 12 party already eh? 220 00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:50,241 Oh. where did my little girl go? 221 00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:53,444 Aw. stop. You two are gonna make me cry. 222 00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:55,768 - I'm back. - Hey. hey! 223 00:12:56,040 --> 00:12:58,725 That's gonna make me cry. 224 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:00,764 - Hey. Hey. - Hey. Hey. 225 00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:08,640 - A little tongue - I bit ya. eh? 226 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:11,600 I got a bite! 227 00:13:17,480 --> 00:13:20,120 Oh. my god. It looks like a Vancouver Hockey Riot in here. 228 00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:21,360 I know. I know. 229 00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:22,960 What is this. What are you two doing? 230 00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:25,360 They're picking out their outfits for a party tomorrow. 231 00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:26,600 A grade 12 party. 232 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:28,888 Oh. 233 00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:31,282 - Big time. big time. - Oh. with seniors now. 234 00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:32,049 I know. 235 00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:35,529 She's only supposed to go to sophomore mixers. I thought. 236 00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:38,730 Yeah. right. C'mon. Tabs, we all know you can't think. 237 00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:40,000 Mm-hmm. 238 00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:41,361 Okay. okay. 239 00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:43,336 When I went to count out the register tonight. 240 00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:44,964 The back room was a mess. Yeah? 241 00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:46,241 Colleen. 242 00:13:46,560 --> 00:13:47,736 Okay. they can't be practicing in the back 243 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:48,841 of the store anymore. Bob. 244 00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:52,522 Last year. they blew out the power with their amps. 245 00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:54,136 Yeah. it's bad enough the two of them are always 246 00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:56,200 with their faces in their phones behind the counter. 247 00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:58,049 Such pretty faces too. Pretty faces. 248 00:13:58,360 --> 00:14:00,522 Lock up the store and go play their so-called music 249 00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:03,770 in the backroom with that pederast loser. 250 00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:06,367 - He's not a loser. - God knows what else. eh? 251 00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:08,722 That's disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. 252 00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:10,451 And. like. who are we? You? 253 00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:12,688 Skeezing on losers is your superpower. 254 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:14,889 This isn't skeezing. okay? 255 00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:17,367 I fell in love with your father. 256 00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:19,768 After he made you manager. 257 00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:22,247 And as manager. You know what I've noticed? 258 00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:23,931 Where'd all the beaver stuffies go? 259 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:25,929 Not the beavers! 260 00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:27,281 Oh yeah. 261 00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:29,807 - No. that's a big seller. - Yeah. yeah. 262 00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:32,242 They didn't sell 'em. I checked the receipts. 263 00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:34,289 She checked She checked the receipts. 264 00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:36,682 Where'd all my beavers go? 265 00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:39,406 Frankly. Tabitha. I don't give a damn about your beavers. 266 00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:43,890 Goddamned yoga hosers. 267 00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:45,690 Where's little Miss Wo-Manager going? 268 00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:47,416 We're just gonna go in our room and we're gonna 269 00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:49,363 I'm gonna we're just gonna go watch a movie. 270 00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:52,564 - Okay? - Oh can you just do me a favor? 271 00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:58,085 Can you just leave the door open. though? 272 00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:00,081 Love you. Dad. 273 00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:04,320 Close the door. Bob. 274 00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:11,207 All the way. Bob. 275 00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:12,123 She told me not to. 276 00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:15,444 God. she's the daughter. Bob, not the parent. 277 00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:17,768 You're in charge. not her. 278 00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:19,610 What do you want me to do. eh'? 279 00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:22,565 That's my little girl. That's my little girl. 280 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:24,644 I'm your little girl. Bob. 281 00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:30,446 Bob. do you wanna ride the Ferris Wheel. Bob? 282 00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:31,776 Don't talk about the Ferris Wheel. don't talk about 283 00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:33,484 Wanna go for a ride on the Ferris Wheel? 284 00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:34,760 I don't wanna Oh! 285 00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:36,604 You wanna jump in the bouncy house? 286 00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:38,440 You'll let me jump in the bouncy house? 287 00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:40,130 Twice. 288 00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:53,971 - Oh. my god. - What. you finished already? 289 00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:57,526 Oh. come on. 290 00:15:57,880 --> 00:15:59,405 I'm sorry. sorry. 291 00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:02,530 What is she playing? 292 00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:09,969 Babe I'm leavin' I must be on my way 293 00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:13,443 - The time is drawing near. 294 00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:15,643 I used to sing this to her when she was a baby. 295 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,409 - My train is going 296 00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:22,241 - I see it in your eyes. 297 00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:26,081 The love. the need, your tears. 298 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,408 She she just remembers it. 299 00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:34,284 But I'll be lonely without you 300 00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:37,365 And I'll need your love to see me through. 301 00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:40,650 She's just growing up so fast. You know? 302 00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:44,561 So please believe me my heart is in your hands. 303 00:16:44,840 --> 00:16:49,926 Cause' I'll be missing you. 304 00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:58,286 You know it's you Babe. 305 00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:03,282 Whenever I get weary and I've had enough. 306 00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:06,245 Feel like giving up. 307 00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:11,242 - - You know it's you Babe. 308 00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:16,811 Giving me the courage and the strength I need. 309 00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:19,242 Please believe 310 00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:21,562 That it's true. 311 00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:30,085 Babe I love you. 312 00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:39,086 Goddamned yoga hosers. 313 00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:53,801 You know it's you Babe. 314 00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:59,450 Whenever I get weary and I've had enough. 315 00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:01,563 Feel like giving up. 316 00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:06,402 You know it's you Babe. 317 00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:12,403 Giving me the courage and the strength I need. 318 00:18:12,680 --> 00:18:16,321 Please believe that it's true. 319 00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:22,690 Babe I love you. 320 00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:30,607 Babe I love you. 321 00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:36,210 Oooh... Babe. 322 00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:52,282 Ladies. Up Dog. 323 00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:55,609 One. two. three. 324 00:18:57,160 --> 00:18:58,605 What a farce. 325 00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:00,600 I can't believe they actually have the balls 326 00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:03,121 - to try to call this Yoga. - I know. 327 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:08,925 How are ya. girls? 328 00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:11,009 Ms. Wicklund. You photo bombed us. 329 00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:13,123 Way hip. Ms. Wick. 330 00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:15,164 What makes you two think that you can sit out 331 00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:16,726 of my yoga class this morning? 332 00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:26,289 This isn't yoga. This is like a parody of yoga. 333 00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:29,968 And our yoga instructor gave us this note to give to you. Ms. Wicklund. 334 00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:35,640 We have permission to sit oot anytime you do yoga 335 00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:37,882 here in Phys Ed because he doesn't want his teachings 336 00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:40,771 derailed by what he calls. "The abortion of Phys Ed Yoga." 337 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:44,527 Well far be it me to argue with a strip-mall swami. 338 00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:46,370 Uh. technically he's a yogi. Right? 339 00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:50,122 Technically. There's a school honor policy 340 00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:51,640 aboot camera phones in PE. 341 00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:53,086 There is? 342 00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:56,250 Do any of you ladies want to be photographed by these 343 00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:58,522 two while you're all sweatin' like hogs? 344 00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:00,171 - No. - I didn't think so. 345 00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:02,442 Is she talking aboot us'? 346 00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:05,730 No. she's talking aboot the other two Colleens behind us. 347 00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:08,240 I'm talkin' aboot you're entire generation. 348 00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:11,967 Generation Why Me? I call it. 349 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:14,811 You live on your phones. 350 00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:18,562 You have no idea how to function like normal people in the real world. 351 00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:20,763 Ms. Wicklund. This isn't the real world. 352 00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:22,445 This is Canada. 353 00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:24,324 Oh. is that right. eh'? 354 00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:26,400 Well. how about you save your Can-bashin' sass 355 00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:28,961 for your tweets. And your Facebookins'. 356 00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:32,210 And try clickin' like on this. Girls. 357 00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:35,768 No phones for the rest of the day! 358 00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:37,409 What? 359 00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:40,644 You can get 'em back at 2:45. After the last bell. 360 00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:43,526 Ms. Wicklund. Our phones are who we are. 361 00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:45,976 If you take away my phone like I'm some sort of pygmy in Monaco. 362 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:48,606 - Who am I supposed to be? - I feel like I'm going to pass oot. 363 00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:50,803 And now Colleen M.'s having hot flashes. 364 00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:53,367 You're on a new phone plan now. girls. 365 00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:56,564 Unlimited minutes. unlimited looks to the world around you. 366 00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:58,842 And no roaming charges. 367 00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:02,084 So go roam. Withoot your phones! 368 00:21:02,360 --> 00:21:04,283 Here I go. 369 00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:08,167 Are you happy. Ms. Wicklund? You killed Colleen. 370 00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:19,490 - The gym floor was really hard. - I know. it's okay. 371 00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:23,450 Greetings. Cess-bearing scholars. 372 00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:25,888 Are you ready to go deep inside the annals of history? 373 00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:35,843 We're still talking aboot World War ll. 374 00:21:36,120 --> 00:21:38,691 Fascists. Genocide. 375 00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:41,566 The worst thing that has ever happened to human kind. 376 00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:45,176 Why do we even gotta learn about this old stuff anyway. Ms. Maurice? 377 00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:48,249 I mean. it happened. like. A million miles away, 378 00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:49,520 like a million years ago. 379 00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:51,130 Mon dieu? 380 00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:53,846 You all think history is so boring. 381 00:21:54,120 --> 00:21:57,602 Well. what if I told you. During World War ll. 382 00:21:57,920 --> 00:22:00,844 There were Nazis right here. In Winnipeg? 383 00:22:01,120 --> 00:22:04,090 All of them making preparation for the day Hitler 384 00:22:04,360 --> 00:22:07,330 finally came to conquer Canada and the United States. 385 00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:09,881 There were Nazis here in Canada. Ms. Maurice? 386 00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:13,607 Let's see. what can I tell you about Canadian Nazis? 387 00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:18,246 Well. many years back in the 1930's there was 388 00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:20,921 a great depression in the True North. 389 00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:22,605 Canadians were hungry. 390 00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:25,281 Some turned their hunger into anger. And they looked for 391 00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:28,689 someone else to blame for the country's financial woes. 392 00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:34,086 And as a result. in Toronto. The first Swastika Club opens. 393 00:22:34,360 --> 00:22:37,489 A pub full of drunks. Offering up anti-Semitic rabble 394 00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:40,280 aboot deporting Canadian Jews to the Hudson Bay. 395 00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:43,245 Wait. they wanted to send them shopping? 396 00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:46,569 Not to the Hudson Bay department store. Ms. Collette. 397 00:22:46,840 --> 00:22:49,241 I'm talkin' aboot the actual Hudson Bay. 398 00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:51,000 Like. Put them all oot in the water'? 399 00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:52,884 That's just so wrong. 400 00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:55,561 The Canadian Union of Fascists was founded right here. 401 00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:58,969 In Winnipeg by a Manitoban. 402 00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:01,931 And over in Quebec. you had the big kahuna of crazy himself. 403 00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:06,450 The nuttiest of all nut bars. Adrien Arcand. 404 00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:08,927 The self-proclaimed Canadian fuhrer. 405 00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:12,005 So. this Arcand guy was. Like. Canadian Hitler? 406 00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:14,965 Is that as bad as. Like. Canadian Idol? 407 00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:17,891 - Nothing's as bad as Canadian Idol. - Right? 408 00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:21,528 Let me take you back to a time in Canadian History 409 00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:24,844 this nation has tried so very hard to forget. 410 00:23:25,360 --> 00:23:27,124 In this trying time... 411 00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:29,536 Adrien Arcand was an anti-Semitic journalist 412 00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:33,121 in Montreal who spearheaded a series of fascist political 413 00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:36,125 movements in Quebec before the start of World War ll. 414 00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:39,880 Why are you hungry? 415 00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:42,128 Why are you unemployed? 416 00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:47,765 Is it. as our ally in Germany. Adolf Hitler. tells us, 417 00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:51,448 the fault of the Canadian Jew? Yes. it is! 418 00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:58,769 Now Henry Hamilton Beamish suggests that to save 419 00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:02,801 Canada from ethnic ruin. We must send all Canadian Jews 420 00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:04,809 to Madagascar. 421 00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:11,326 Instead. we at the Parti National have a better plan. 422 00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:20,971 First. we will round up all Canadian Jews 423 00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:24,124 and ship them off to the Hudson Bay. 424 00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:28,411 Then we will fire cannons at their boats 425 00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:30,648 and sink them! 426 00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:34,170 Why are you not applauding? 427 00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:36,283 Naturally. These atrocious ideas 428 00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:37,560 were met with derisions 429 00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:39,256 from the good and mighty people of Quebec. 430 00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:41,965 This plan is the shit! 431 00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:45,640 But not everyone in attendance that day was from Quebec. 432 00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:48,201 Wunderbar! Wunderbar! 433 00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:52,176 Andronicus Arcane was a brilliant scientist 434 00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:55,682 from Berlin who was teaching at the University of Lachute in Quebec 435 00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:59,203 when he first heard the clarion call of the Nazi Party. 436 00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:03,002 So. Adrien Arcand took Andronicus Arcane under his wing. 437 00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:05,807 And soon there were more. 438 00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:09,683 These jackbooted thugs would torment immigrants 439 00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:12,440 and minorities throughout Montreal. 440 00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:17,726 They called themselves the National Unity Party of Canada. 441 00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:21,047 Which was a very polite way of saying 442 00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:24,324 Canadian Nazis. 443 00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:36,048 So what ever happened to these guys. Ms. Maurice? 444 00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:37,731 They ever get caught? 445 00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:42,642 In 1940 the Service de Quebec arrested Adrien Arcand. 446 00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:45,844 And under the War Measures Act. Arcand was locked up 447 00:25:46,120 --> 00:25:48,361 as a security threat to our home and native land. 448 00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:52,326 He died in 1967 still believing Hitler would rise again. 449 00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:53,960 But what aboot the man from Berlin? 450 00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:56,367 Oh. Yeah. What aboot him? 451 00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:58,961 Andronicus Arcane? 452 00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:03,606 He was never found. 453 00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:06,082 Poof! He just disappeared. 454 00:26:06,360 --> 00:26:09,569 Poof? 455 00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:13,930 Perfect timing class dismissed. 456 00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:27,125 How basic. 457 00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:30,887 Straight from the Eh-to-Zed it's the Mountie McBeaver Doll. 458 00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:33,376 Oh. Where did all my beaver stuffies go? 459 00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:34,656 Well. frankly Tabitha. 460 00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:37,365 I don't give a damn about your beavers. 461 00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:38,846 Are you doing me'? 462 00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:43,484 - That's hysterical. - I know. 463 00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:45,250 C'mon. Isn't anybody on duty? 464 00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:47,443 Who's dropping a doodie in my office? Oh! 465 00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:57,089 What a nice surprise. It's Lulu and Lemon. 466 00:26:57,360 --> 00:26:59,283 Good afternoon Principle Invincible. 467 00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:01,967 Good afternoon. Colleen squared. 468 00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:03,480 We're here for our phones. 469 00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:05,336 We haven't had them since PE. 470 00:27:05,360 --> 00:27:07,010 Ms. Wicklund unjustly confiscated them. 471 00:27:07,320 --> 00:27:08,606 And Colleen here fainted. 472 00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:10,609 - I passed oot. - Oh! 473 00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:12,696 We're not pressing charges or anything. 474 00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:13,323 We're not going crazy. 475 00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:15,364 We just want our phones back now. please. 476 00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:17,244 Oh. Of course girls. 477 00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:21,127 And I am so. so sorry that that happened to you. 478 00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:24,006 The sad tale of heart-wrenching woe. 479 00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:25,884 I mean. it could win an Oscar. 480 00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:28,606 Really. you could write it up, sell it, and win an Oscar. 481 00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:30,649 Seriously. you could call it. 482 00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:33,247 Um. Twelve Years a Private School Student. 483 00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:35,370 You see what I did there? 484 00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:38,365 I compared your privileged lives to slaves. 485 00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:39,926 And that's weird. 486 00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:41,645 'Cause I'm black. 487 00:27:43,280 --> 00:27:44,280 That's not funny. 488 00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:46,727 Sorry. Principle Invincible. 489 00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:50,285 Here. 490 00:27:50,560 --> 00:27:52,080 And keep your faces out of your phones. 491 00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:54,647 I don't care if they do have a cool gummy rubber cover 492 00:27:54,920 --> 00:27:55,920 that you can personalize. 493 00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:57,400 - We have the same case! - I know. 494 00:27:57,560 --> 00:27:59,722 Very trendy. my friendy. 495 00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:02,008 Oh. Ladies. I am an educator. 496 00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:04,296 It is my job to shape the minds of the young and the stupid. 497 00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:09,611 So I need to be able to think. Like the young and the stupid. 498 00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:12,571 Which means I'm not gonna let my students be cooler than me. 499 00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:16,282 I do my research. I read this rag. weekly. 500 00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:18,767 Oh my god. We read that every week. 501 00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:20,040 Oh. I know. 502 00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:23,005 The "Famous People Are Just Like You" page is the best. 503 00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:24,536 You know. when they, like, show the celebrities 504 00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:25,856 doing normal things. Like. just like us. 505 00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:27,320 That is the best part of Them Weekly. 506 00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:29,921 One time they showed Harry Styles buying bacon. 507 00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:38,721 - It was so hot. - So hot. 508 00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:40,684 Okay. all right. I need to run this school. 509 00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:44,009 Be good Colleens. And be nice, all right'? 510 00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:46,123 There's enough haters in the world already. 511 00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:50,007 Yes. Principle Invincible. 512 00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:57,089 Oh my god. my phone's dead, my phone's dead! 513 00:28:57,360 --> 00:28:59,328 Oh my god! My phone's dead! 514 00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:02,450 Children should not play with dead things. 515 00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:08,641 Bonjour. 516 00:29:08,920 --> 00:29:10,206 My name is Guy Lapointe. 517 00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:20,402 Righty-oh. So the good news is 518 00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:24,327 your school library does indeed have a copy of my book. 519 00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:32,600 Guy Lapointe and the Quite Queer Case of the Manitoba Manatee. 520 00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:37,404 The bad news is. regrettably. Some naughty student 521 00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:42,806 has decided to deface it by changing the word "Guy" 522 00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:46,562 and adding in "A" so that it says "Gay". 523 00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:50,601 And also. 524 00:29:51,040 --> 00:29:54,965 They added a set of testicles right under my nose. 525 00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:57,760 You see that? You see that? 526 00:29:58,040 --> 00:30:00,850 With that kind of. You know, awful poking hair, 527 00:30:01,160 --> 00:30:04,767 I don't know why. Sticking out of them. 528 00:30:05,080 --> 00:30:06,491 You can put it down now. 529 00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:08,603 Oh. Okay. 530 00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:14,171 Haters have got to hate. Like the douches have to douche. 531 00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:17,046 That's the life. Right there in a nutshell. 532 00:30:17,320 --> 00:30:21,120 I'm not referring to that nutshell either. 533 00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:24,127 I don't know if you guys remember this. 534 00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:27,085 But you know we did meet once before. Do you? 535 00:30:27,360 --> 00:30:28,930 - Oh. We remember you. - You do? 536 00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:31,202 Yeah. you came to Eh-2-Zed with that American girl 537 00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:32,520 and that podcaster. 538 00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:34,336 Yeah. You're the legendary man hunter from Quebec. 539 00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:36,169 Yes. I am that man. 540 00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:38,209 The man who saved the Winnipeg Walrus. 541 00:30:38,520 --> 00:30:42,241 Wow. you know something? That's a very good title. 542 00:30:42,520 --> 00:30:46,764 Guy Lapointe and the Winnipeg Walrus. 543 00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:50,607 Goddammit. I should've chose that title. 544 00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:53,804 But. you know, still, we did okay without it. I mean... 545 00:30:54,120 --> 00:30:56,441 One critic even described my book as. like. 546 00:30:56,720 --> 00:31:02,284 You know. like a uh, John Grisham-ist thriller 547 00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:04,562 who was set in the Canada. 548 00:31:04,880 --> 00:31:07,360 That review I showed to my mother. 549 00:31:07,680 --> 00:31:09,170 - Aw. - Mm. 550 00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:13,240 And you know, that was. like, the good one, and the rest of them were 551 00:31:13,560 --> 00:31:15,130 not so kind. you see. 552 00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:18,842 I read one from the Toronto Paper that said. 553 00:31:19,120 --> 00:31:23,967 "This is what happens when you publish poop." 554 00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:29,121 People can be goddamn mean. You know? 555 00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:32,283 Sorry. That was very rude. 556 00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:33,560 Sorry aboot that. 557 00:31:33,800 --> 00:31:36,007 Right. on to my questions then. 558 00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:40,126 Do either of you recognize 559 00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:43,688 this very proud and quite hairy Canadian? 560 00:31:43,960 --> 00:31:46,691 That was that giant fart that called us yoga hosers. 561 00:31:46,960 --> 00:31:49,361 - Oh. Toilet Paper Man. - Yeah. 562 00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:51,330 Why Toilet Paper Man? 563 00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:52,800 Cause he bought toilet paper. 564 00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:54,325 - He bought toilet paper. - Duh. 565 00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:58,201 And for this reason alone you call this man the Toilet Paper Man? 566 00:31:58,520 --> 00:32:00,045 - Well. yeah. - Yeah. 567 00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:02,169 I don't mean to be a critic. Maybe I do. 568 00:32:02,480 --> 00:32:03,925 Maybe you need to be hurt. 569 00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:06,971 I'm telling you now. that is one of the stupidest names 570 00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:09,487 I ever heard in my life. Very unimaginative. 571 00:32:09,760 --> 00:32:11,649 - That's pretty rude. - Yeah. 572 00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:14,400 This man's name is the Francois Jois. 573 00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:19,641 He's from Gatineau. Quebec. And he was a fugitive 574 00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:22,804 from the law. and he was hiding out right here. 575 00:32:23,080 --> 00:32:24,411 Hiding from what? 576 00:32:24,720 --> 00:32:27,326 He was hiding from the investigating prowess of 577 00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:30,883 the Service de Quebec. Which is kind of a joke. 578 00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:33,891 Because. like, they couldn't find their own butt holes 579 00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:37,721 even with. like, a butt hole application on their telephone 580 00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:40,731 to find their butt hole. 581 00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:42,286 Okay. 582 00:32:42,640 --> 00:32:44,688 I probably shouldn't say butt hole 583 00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:46,849 to two 14-year-old girls. I'm so sorry. 584 00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:48,650 We're 15 and a half. 585 00:32:48,920 --> 00:32:50,729 Well. whatever. 586 00:32:52,080 --> 00:32:58,531 You sold a roll of Eh-2-Zed discount brand bathroom tissue 587 00:32:58,800 --> 00:33:01,929 to the Toilet Paper Man at what time? 588 00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:03,201 Right aboot closing. 589 00:33:03,480 --> 00:33:05,960 Yeah. he was all mad because we had the store closed 590 00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:09,050 for. like, five minutes 'cause we were going to the bathroom. 591 00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:11,800 You went to the bathroom together? 592 00:33:12,080 --> 00:33:13,080 Well. yeah. 593 00:33:13,320 --> 00:33:16,881 I had to poop and I don't like to go alone there. The toilet's weird. 594 00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:19,481 So while she's pooping. 595 00:33:20,680 --> 00:33:22,808 You're sitting there with her? 596 00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:25,526 Yeah. we're best friends. Yeah. 597 00:33:25,800 --> 00:33:26,800 Why would we not'? 598 00:33:27,040 --> 00:33:29,202 That's quite disgusting. 599 00:33:30,840 --> 00:33:34,162 Best of luck on your academic journey. 600 00:33:34,440 --> 00:33:36,602 Um. I don't know what you plan to do in life. 601 00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:39,167 But I can promise you that you won't need algebra. 602 00:33:40,040 --> 00:33:41,451 I knew it. 603 00:33:41,720 --> 00:33:43,484 Good day. 604 00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:46,406 Well. wait. What'd Toilet Paper Man do? 605 00:33:47,040 --> 00:33:49,566 Oh. 606 00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:58,048 So. Toilet Paper Man was killed. 607 00:33:59,200 --> 00:34:00,725 Oh my god. 608 00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:03,844 He was cut into. Like. a hundred pieces. 609 00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:05,770 Ew. no way. 610 00:34:06,040 --> 00:34:08,327 Well anyway. you two girls with the same name, 611 00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:10,329 I thank you so much for your time. 612 00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:11,965 And I give you the Au Revoir 613 00:34:12,280 --> 00:34:14,487 that I should have given you before. 614 00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:16,489 I thank you. 615 00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:18,444 Okay. 616 00:34:21,400 --> 00:34:25,200 Ew. Why did your dad text me. like, 37 times? 617 00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:27,608 Oh my god. He's making us work tonight. 618 00:34:29,040 --> 00:34:30,336 You're going to Niagara Falls? 619 00:34:30,360 --> 00:34:32,931 Yup. Cruising like a couple of Californians. How bout that? 620 00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:34,611 - Right now? - Yeah. 621 00:34:34,880 --> 00:34:36,086 You can't leave. 622 00:34:36,360 --> 00:34:38,328 It's Niagara Falls. Colleen. 623 00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:40,847 We're settin' sail on the Maid of the Mist. 624 00:34:41,120 --> 00:34:42,120 When did this happen? 625 00:34:42,240 --> 00:34:43,520 Oh. Tabitha surprised me with it 626 00:34:43,560 --> 00:34:44,976 as an early birthday present this morning. 627 00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:46,081 Tabitha. 628 00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:47,520 Okay. you listen to me. 629 00:34:47,640 --> 00:34:49,376 I left you 10 messages and a bushel of texts. 630 00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:50,696 I'm sorry. but you gotta work at the store tonight. 631 00:34:50,720 --> 00:34:51,881 We can't. actually. 632 00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:53,896 Yes. you can. Colleen M., 'cause I cleared it with your mom 633 00:34:53,920 --> 00:34:55,616 and you're going to be staying with the McKenzies until Sunday morning. 634 00:34:55,640 --> 00:34:58,610 Mr. Collette. we got invited to a grade 12 party tonight. 635 00:34:58,880 --> 00:34:59,880 Do you not remember? 636 00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:02,521 All I remember is Tabitha telling me somethin' about 637 00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:06,725 flying to Niagara Falls. and after that it is a blur of bliss. 638 00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:11,647 So happy. Bob. 639 00:35:11,960 --> 00:35:13,800 I'll get that for ya. I love the leopard print. 640 00:35:13,840 --> 00:35:14,284 I love the leopard print. 641 00:35:14,560 --> 00:35:16,176 Okay girls. you're gonna be working from six pm 642 00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:17,400 until closing and don't forget 643 00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:19,284 to set the alarm before you lock up. okay? 644 00:35:19,600 --> 00:35:20,976 You did this on purpose. Didn't you? 645 00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:23,844 You could have taken him any day. but you picked today. 646 00:35:24,120 --> 00:35:25,376 Just so we couldn't go to the party. 647 00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:28,370 I have no idea what you're talking aboot. Colleen. 648 00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:31,686 Goddamned yoga hosers. 649 00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:34,361 I love you so much. Cauliflower. I love you so much. 650 00:35:34,640 --> 00:35:37,803 Listen. no boys. no boys. No bull, no boys, no boys. 651 00:35:38,120 --> 00:35:39,256 - Okay. I gotta go. - Dad. Dad! 652 00:35:39,280 --> 00:35:43,922 - Dad. Dad! You can't leave. 653 00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:45,929 - Come on. please. - Dad. we have... 654 00:35:49,200 --> 00:35:51,328 No! 655 00:35:55,440 --> 00:35:56,441 Oh. my god! 656 00:35:56,760 --> 00:35:59,240 No. no. no. no, no. 657 00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:01,562 Oh. you are killing me, do you understand me'? 658 00:36:01,840 --> 00:36:04,286 Killing me! 659 00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:06,284 Bark all you want. Lawyer pants USA. 660 00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:08,523 I am not ceasing or desisting. 661 00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:10,131 Oh. ls that so? 662 00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:13,125 Well. I think you're being rather obtuse and super fruity. 663 00:36:13,440 --> 00:36:16,489 So let's just say Namaste. And leave it at that. eh? 664 00:36:16,760 --> 00:36:18,649 Namaste. 665 00:36:18,920 --> 00:36:21,491 You piece of beaver shit. 666 00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:23,967 Beaver shit? 667 00:36:29,720 --> 00:36:31,449 Sorry. girls. 668 00:36:31,720 --> 00:36:34,200 I am so sorry you girls had to hear that parasite 669 00:36:34,480 --> 00:36:36,881 stealing my energies. With his legal entitlement. 670 00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:39,162 Why does that lawyer from Warner Brothers even 671 00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:40,456 keep calling you Yogi Bayer'? 672 00:36:40,480 --> 00:36:41,561 Oh. who knows? 673 00:36:41,840 --> 00:36:44,650 He says there's some cartoon character that I'm violating. 674 00:36:44,920 --> 00:36:46,763 I mean. how can you violate a cartoon? 675 00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:48,724 How do you own a cartoon. right'? 676 00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:49,569 Yeah. 677 00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:53,208 It's like a thing that doesn't exist. It's like owning a leprechaun. 678 00:36:53,520 --> 00:36:54,885 Rude. 679 00:36:55,160 --> 00:36:57,686 So rude. Okay. let's get back into it. 680 00:36:57,960 --> 00:36:58,960 Enough Sasketoonin'. 681 00:36:59,120 --> 00:37:02,124 Let's get back into our Warrior One. 682 00:37:04,360 --> 00:37:09,571 Up to Perfection. Colleen C.. Hold that pose Colleen M.. 683 00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:11,325 Hold it. 684 00:37:11,600 --> 00:37:14,888 Warrior Two. 685 00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:19,211 Come and get me now. You serenity stealers. 686 00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:22,324 All you need to handle any situation in life. 687 00:37:22,640 --> 00:37:24,847 Are the Warrior One and Warrior Two positions. girls. 688 00:37:25,120 --> 00:37:26,246 Okay? 689 00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:29,564 Master those and you will master anyone who gives you shit. 690 00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:32,571 Now let's go Lotus for our closing meditation. 691 00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:35,650 Yoga teaches us to take what the universe gives. 692 00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:37,729 And what? 693 00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:39,365 - Embrace it? - Nope. 694 00:37:39,640 --> 00:37:42,086 Fight against it. You fight against it. 695 00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:46,490 Yoga demands that we grab the universe by the throat 696 00:37:46,760 --> 00:37:49,206 and we just choke it until it bends to our will. 697 00:37:49,480 --> 00:37:52,245 We inflict yoga on our enemies until they join us in peace. 698 00:37:52,520 --> 00:37:55,205 Always be peaceful change girls. 699 00:37:55,480 --> 00:37:58,245 But if you have to. you destroy everything that threatens 700 00:37:58,520 --> 00:38:01,000 anyone or anything that you love by hook or by crook. 701 00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:03,931 That's the yoga way. 702 00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:06,168 Wow. 703 00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:08,602 Please join me in a final prayer. 704 00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:12,248 Yoga Fett. Yoga Fett. 705 00:38:12,560 --> 00:38:15,245 Yoga Fett. Yoga Fett. Yoga Fett. 706 00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:19,804 Yoga Fett. Yoga Fett. 707 00:38:20,080 --> 00:38:24,449 And sorry not sorry. Confetti feel. 708 00:38:26,040 --> 00:38:27,565 Caller. go ahead. 709 00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:31,003 Oh. hey Bob, big fan and a first time caller... 710 00:38:31,280 --> 00:38:35,171 Hey. pack of True North Menthol. 711 00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:39,440 Those are lights. 712 00:38:39,600 --> 00:38:42,524 Sorry aboot that. 713 00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:49,040 You know girls. That's just not very Canadian. 714 00:38:51,880 --> 00:38:53,962 C'mon Robin. Let's get out of here. 715 00:38:54,240 --> 00:38:59,007 When is one's virginity technically lost'? 716 00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:02,330 Like when what is the process 717 00:39:02,600 --> 00:39:04,250 when you're going through the sex process 718 00:39:04,520 --> 00:39:06,921 of losing virginity. That process? 719 00:39:07,240 --> 00:39:10,244 How can one come out at the end and then say like... 720 00:39:16,040 --> 00:39:18,042 - Hunter's calling. - So answer. 721 00:39:21,600 --> 00:39:22,886 Hello? 722 00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:25,083 Colleen McKenzie! 723 00:39:25,360 --> 00:39:26,850 Hunter. 724 00:39:27,120 --> 00:39:28,121 Where you at? 725 00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:32,121 You're missing a killer grade 12 party over here. 726 00:39:32,440 --> 00:39:35,125 Please don't hate us. but we got called into work tonight. 727 00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:36,440 That sucks. 728 00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:37,686 Yeah. it really sucks. 729 00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:40,361 Because there's like. Nobody here tonight either. 730 00:39:40,640 --> 00:39:43,007 Holy shit. 731 00:39:43,320 --> 00:39:44,606 What? 732 00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:50,171 We could have a party right here. 733 00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:56,367 Hunter. Hello. This is Colleen C. 734 00:39:56,640 --> 00:39:58,656 We unfortunately cannot make it to your party tonight 735 00:39:58,680 --> 00:40:00,648 but we want to invite you to another party... 736 00:40:00,960 --> 00:40:01,961 At Eh-2-Zed. 737 00:40:04,480 --> 00:40:06,960 Hold on. this shit's loud, let me go in the bedroom 738 00:40:07,240 --> 00:40:08,810 so I can hear. 739 00:40:09,080 --> 00:40:11,970 Ah ha. sweet. Sweet dude. 740 00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:16,482 You want me to bring the party to you guys? 741 00:40:16,760 --> 00:40:19,923 Won't your dad flip if we're drinkin' beers in the 'Zed? 742 00:40:20,200 --> 00:40:21,645 Oh. don't you worry aboot that. 743 00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:24,446 My dad's long gone in Niagara Falls with the store manager. 744 00:40:24,720 --> 00:40:27,963 And bring beers. We don't have any booze here. 745 00:40:28,280 --> 00:40:30,362 Did you say boobs? 746 00:40:30,640 --> 00:40:32,324 Booze-uh. Booze-uh. 747 00:40:32,600 --> 00:40:35,251 What time should we head to the Zed? 748 00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:37,249 Nine o'clock? 749 00:40:37,520 --> 00:40:39,409 Perfect. We'll be there. 750 00:40:39,720 --> 00:40:41,449 And I can't wait... 751 00:40:41,720 --> 00:40:43,085 to see you. Colleen M. 752 00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:46,284 Show you what I'm really all aboot. 753 00:40:48,120 --> 00:40:52,125 What the hell was that? 754 00:40:53,080 --> 00:40:54,525 Here we go. 755 00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:57,007 Going to the Zed again is so stupid. 756 00:40:59,960 --> 00:41:01,769 Sorry. 757 00:41:02,040 --> 00:41:05,442 Now. follow me on this. Gordon. 758 00:41:05,720 --> 00:41:09,645 These girls just gift-wrapped themselves for us. 759 00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:12,810 We were gonna have to dig shallow graves 760 00:41:13,120 --> 00:41:16,044 after we cut 'em up. Now we're goin' to their store. 761 00:41:16,320 --> 00:41:19,767 We kill 'em in the store. Shit, we can take our time, 762 00:41:20,080 --> 00:41:22,321 do it right. 763 00:41:22,600 --> 00:41:25,444 We can leave their bodies right between the Pucky Charms 764 00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:27,091 and the Chug-a-lugs. 765 00:41:27,360 --> 00:41:29,886 And all we gotta do is take the money from the register. 766 00:41:30,160 --> 00:41:31,764 Break some shit on the way oot... 767 00:41:32,040 --> 00:41:34,441 And make it look like a failed robbery gone bad. eh? 768 00:41:34,760 --> 00:41:39,243 These stupid sophomore bitches want to have a party at the Zed? 769 00:41:39,560 --> 00:41:42,245 We'll give 'em a party at the Zed. 770 00:41:42,560 --> 00:41:45,131 Their farewell party. yo. 771 00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:53,736 Where should I kiss Hunter tonight? 772 00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:55,171 Ew. lips only. 773 00:41:55,440 --> 00:41:57,283 I mean. in the store? 774 00:41:57,560 --> 00:42:00,643 Keep it tasteful. McKenzie. Don't whore him on the first date. 775 00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:02,610 Casual. not contrived. 776 00:42:02,920 --> 00:42:03,920 You give the best advice. 777 00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:06,008 You're my best friend in the whole world. 778 00:42:06,280 --> 00:42:07,770 Aw. you're mine. 779 00:42:10,400 --> 00:42:11,481 Hear that? 780 00:42:11,800 --> 00:42:14,121 That's our destiny knocking at the backdoor. 781 00:42:23,680 --> 00:42:24,680 Hi. 782 00:42:24,880 --> 00:42:29,124 Ladies. we are here to cordially accept your invitation 783 00:42:29,440 --> 00:42:30,601 to party hardy. 784 00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:31,880 We? 785 00:42:32,160 --> 00:42:33,491 Party. yeah! 786 00:42:33,760 --> 00:42:34,760 What's he doing here? 787 00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:38,129 And where's everybody else? 788 00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:41,923 Hmm. where's everybody else? 789 00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:44,567 Well. when I made the other seniors 790 00:42:44,880 --> 00:42:46,928 the same very generous offer you made me 791 00:42:47,200 --> 00:42:48,565 to move the party here. 792 00:42:48,880 --> 00:42:51,281 Yeah. they all laughed at you. 793 00:42:51,560 --> 00:42:53,688 Tonya Simmons said. and I quote. 794 00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:55,883 "A party at the scummy Eh-2-Zed 795 00:42:56,160 --> 00:42:58,208 with those two little girls from honors history? 796 00:42:58,520 --> 00:43:00,045 No way. eh?" 797 00:43:00,320 --> 00:43:02,320 "I'd rather kiss Gordon Greenleaf." 798 00:43:02,520 --> 00:43:03,806 I'd rather kiss... 799 00:43:04,080 --> 00:43:05,080 She didn't say that. man. 800 00:43:05,360 --> 00:43:07,203 She was thinkin' it. 801 00:43:07,520 --> 00:43:10,490 Anyways. I've never been much of a follower. 802 00:43:10,760 --> 00:43:13,366 So I left all those losers behind 803 00:43:13,640 --> 00:43:15,608 and came here to hang with you two. 804 00:43:17,320 --> 00:43:19,049 You left your own party? 805 00:43:19,320 --> 00:43:21,163 Parties are basic. This is better. 806 00:43:21,440 --> 00:43:23,807 This is what they call in the states. a kickback. 807 00:43:24,120 --> 00:43:25,120 States. Eh? 808 00:43:25,240 --> 00:43:27,607 And. I brought Gordon so Colleen C. would have 809 00:43:27,920 --> 00:43:31,447 someone to talk to while little Miss Colleen M. gives me 810 00:43:31,760 --> 00:43:33,683 a private tour. 811 00:43:40,400 --> 00:43:42,209 Looks like it's just us. eh? 812 00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:46,491 Maybe we should form the Just Us League? 813 00:43:46,760 --> 00:43:48,205 A little kickback hookup. 814 00:43:48,520 --> 00:43:51,285 Yeah... heh. 815 00:43:53,040 --> 00:43:57,284 So this is the Eh-2-Zed backroom. again. 816 00:44:03,760 --> 00:44:05,330 Epic. 817 00:44:05,600 --> 00:44:07,489 Colleen and I call it the Highway to Hell. 818 00:44:07,760 --> 00:44:09,444 'Cause Eh-2-Zed's right through that door. 819 00:44:09,720 --> 00:44:12,087 And Eh-2-Zed's pretty much our hell. 820 00:44:12,360 --> 00:44:14,283 Highway to Hell? 821 00:44:14,560 --> 00:44:16,289 Mm-Hmm. 822 00:44:17,040 --> 00:44:18,804 Wow. 823 00:44:19,240 --> 00:44:23,006 Devil talk always gives me goosebumps. 824 00:44:23,280 --> 00:44:23,803 Oh? 825 00:44:24,080 --> 00:44:25,366 See 826 00:44:26,440 --> 00:44:28,169 See 827 00:44:28,480 --> 00:44:30,005 Yeah. 828 00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:34,361 You believe in Satan? 829 00:44:34,640 --> 00:44:37,484 I used to believe in Santa. Does that count? 830 00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:47,082 So basic. 831 00:44:47,360 --> 00:44:48,566 Mmmmm. 832 00:44:50,040 --> 00:44:53,283 Me and Gordon are way into Satan. 833 00:44:53,560 --> 00:44:54,560 Ooh. 834 00:44:54,600 --> 00:44:58,047 Kind of like how you and Colleen are way into yoga. 835 00:44:58,320 --> 00:44:59,970 Or your band'? 836 00:45:00,240 --> 00:45:00,968 Yeah. 837 00:45:01,240 --> 00:45:05,165 Now. the good news is that we're Canadian Satanists. 838 00:45:05,480 --> 00:45:08,609 So we don't go in for any of that touchy stuff. 839 00:45:08,880 --> 00:45:11,611 Your virtue stays intact. 840 00:45:11,880 --> 00:45:13,803 It's gotta. You know why? 841 00:45:14,080 --> 00:45:15,127 Why? 842 00:45:15,440 --> 00:45:18,762 You see. Satan seeks his souls pure. 843 00:45:19,040 --> 00:45:22,283 And there are no virgins in grade 12. 844 00:45:22,560 --> 00:45:24,608 - Mm-hmm. - All the virgins are in grade 10. 845 00:45:24,880 --> 00:45:27,850 Well. I've just been waiting for the right person. 846 00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:29,764 In the right place. 847 00:45:30,080 --> 00:45:33,721 You are so adorable. McKenzie. You think I want your body? 848 00:45:34,040 --> 00:45:36,930 I don't want your body. 849 00:45:37,200 --> 00:45:41,683 I just want your untouched. Virgin soul. 850 00:45:41,960 --> 00:45:43,007 Okay. 851 00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:46,966 But. well, the shit sandwich of it all, 852 00:45:49,520 --> 00:45:53,161 I kinda gotta cut you open to get to it. 853 00:45:54,560 --> 00:45:55,686 Oh. 854 00:45:55,960 --> 00:45:58,247 You know. I'll be right back. Just one sec. 855 00:45:58,520 --> 00:45:59,520 Colleen! 856 00:46:01,200 --> 00:46:03,646 I thank you for your sacrifice. Colleen M. 857 00:46:03,920 --> 00:46:06,651 Every pure soul I give to Satan brings me one step closer 858 00:46:06,920 --> 00:46:11,767 to meeting the beast and that's gonna be so metal. 859 00:46:15,720 --> 00:46:16,720 What the hell's that? 860 00:46:16,960 --> 00:46:19,247 That's my mom's date knife pointed at your balls. 861 00:46:20,960 --> 00:46:21,960 Okay. 862 00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:24,241 Is that enough metal for you. Or do you want more? 863 00:46:24,560 --> 00:46:27,325 Oh. no. no. no, no. Can we talk aboot this? 864 00:46:27,640 --> 00:46:28,289 Talk to The Mohel. 865 00:46:28,600 --> 00:46:29,681 Okay. okay. 866 00:46:29,960 --> 00:46:31,928 Put the knife down. pretty boy. 867 00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:37,445 Okay. knife's down. 868 00:46:40,880 --> 00:46:42,520 I guess I got a little carried away there. 869 00:46:43,800 --> 00:46:44,800 Sorry aboot that. 870 00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:47,810 And I was gonna let you get to second base. 871 00:46:52,960 --> 00:46:54,962 There's something inside of me. 872 00:46:56,880 --> 00:47:00,771 - Are you okay? - Help me. 873 00:47:12,600 --> 00:47:13,965 Oh my god! 874 00:47:14,240 --> 00:47:16,208 Wunderbar! 875 00:47:17,760 --> 00:47:19,444 Colleen? 876 00:47:20,240 --> 00:47:22,447 Colleen? 877 00:47:22,720 --> 00:47:24,802 Here we go. 878 00:47:25,120 --> 00:47:26,724 Colleen? 879 00:47:27,800 --> 00:47:29,643 Colleen? 880 00:47:30,760 --> 00:47:31,807 McKenzie? 881 00:47:38,800 --> 00:47:40,962 Gordon. please. Stop begging. okay? 882 00:47:41,240 --> 00:47:42,526 You are not getting any. 883 00:47:42,840 --> 00:47:44,046 My ass. 884 00:47:44,320 --> 00:47:46,640 Gordon. I swear to God. If you puke. you're cleaning it up. 885 00:47:48,400 --> 00:47:49,890 Somethin' just crawled up in my ass! 886 00:47:51,880 --> 00:47:53,848 Is this what happens when you smoke weed? 887 00:47:58,960 --> 00:48:00,769 Oh no! 888 00:48:08,480 --> 00:48:10,482 Oh my god. 889 00:48:15,200 --> 00:48:17,009 Uh. Colleen? 890 00:48:18,080 --> 00:48:21,050 Wunderbar! 891 00:48:31,400 --> 00:48:32,083 Hey. 892 00:48:32,360 --> 00:48:34,488 What the hell was that? 893 00:48:35,280 --> 00:48:38,045 Nein. Nein. Nein. nein. 894 00:48:39,080 --> 00:48:40,080 Nein. 895 00:48:40,320 --> 00:48:43,164 - Sh... Sheisse! - Oh hell no! 896 00:48:46,600 --> 00:48:49,649 - Shut up. - Nein! - Shut up! 897 00:48:52,480 --> 00:48:55,723 Nein. Nein. Nein! 898 00:48:56,040 --> 00:48:59,408 Nein. Nein. Nein. nein, nein! 899 00:49:00,720 --> 00:49:02,165 Auf Wiedersehen. 900 00:49:09,120 --> 00:49:11,088 Did you know Hunter Calloway was religious? 901 00:49:14,880 --> 00:49:18,009 Oh you piece of shit! 902 00:49:20,640 --> 00:49:22,722 Shut up! 903 00:49:23,000 --> 00:49:25,048 - Pull. - Ew. no. 904 00:49:25,360 --> 00:49:27,761 - Pull! - Okay. okay, okay, okay. 905 00:49:30,000 --> 00:49:32,765 Nein stretchy. Nein stretchy! 906 00:49:36,120 --> 00:49:38,361 Uhh.. Ah. 907 00:49:39,160 --> 00:49:43,529 Ahh... Ahhh. 908 00:49:44,640 --> 00:49:47,291 Mein Kampf. 909 00:49:58,160 --> 00:49:59,446 Security lights. 910 00:50:01,760 --> 00:50:02,966 911. eh? 911 00:50:03,240 --> 00:50:05,200 Hello? We're being attacked by little sausage men. 912 00:50:05,280 --> 00:50:06,376 With concentrated sauerkraut for blood. 913 00:50:06,400 --> 00:50:08,323 That look like Adolf Hitler. Go. 914 00:50:08,600 --> 00:50:10,045 Oh. Hitler. eh? 915 00:50:10,360 --> 00:50:11,964 Well. he sure is a nasty camper. 916 00:50:12,280 --> 00:50:15,443 Worse than Dr. Doom and Darth Vader combined. 917 00:50:15,720 --> 00:50:17,210 Yeah. boy. 918 00:50:17,480 --> 00:50:18,481 Shut up. old man. 919 00:50:18,760 --> 00:50:20,216 Send a bunch of cops to the Eh-2-Zed on Portage and Wayne 920 00:50:20,240 --> 00:50:21,696 - and bring some body bags. - Little ones. 921 00:50:21,720 --> 00:50:22,926 Hurry! 922 00:50:23,200 --> 00:50:25,726 Hello? Hello? 923 00:50:26,040 --> 00:50:27,883 Goddamned yoga hosers. 924 00:50:31,200 --> 00:50:34,170 Wunderbar. 925 00:50:36,160 --> 00:50:37,446 Man. 926 00:50:39,280 --> 00:50:40,884 We've got wieners. 927 00:50:41,240 --> 00:50:43,971 Check over there. 928 00:50:44,600 --> 00:50:49,242 Wunderbar! 929 00:50:49,760 --> 00:50:50,807 Seriously? 930 00:50:52,800 --> 00:50:54,165 Sausage party. 931 00:50:54,440 --> 00:50:55,560 I don't wanna die in Canada! 932 00:50:55,800 --> 00:50:57,131 We're not gonna die in Canada. 933 00:50:57,400 --> 00:51:00,609 - There's no other way oot! - There's always another way. 934 00:51:00,880 --> 00:51:01,563 The Yoga Way. 935 00:51:01,840 --> 00:51:03,330 - The Yoga Way? - The Yoga Way. 936 00:51:04,640 --> 00:51:07,120 Okay. Warrior One. 937 00:51:07,400 --> 00:51:08,840 - Hold it. McKenzie. Hold it. - Okay. 938 00:51:08,880 --> 00:51:11,201 Warrior Two. back to back. 939 00:51:11,720 --> 00:51:13,085 Das frauleins! 940 00:51:13,880 --> 00:51:16,167 Now. on Warrior Three. We yoga the shit out of these 941 00:51:16,440 --> 00:51:18,169 - bratwurst bitches. Okay? - Okay. 942 00:51:18,440 --> 00:51:19,440 Warrior three. 943 00:51:26,480 --> 00:51:30,007 I'm not even supposed to be here today! 944 00:51:32,080 --> 00:51:33,080 Schnell! 945 00:51:33,280 --> 00:51:33,883 Nein! Nein! Nein! 946 00:51:34,200 --> 00:51:35,645 Sheisse! 947 00:51:36,520 --> 00:51:39,763 - Take off! - Nein. Wunderbar! 948 00:51:42,560 --> 00:51:43,560 Thank you. 949 00:51:46,840 --> 00:51:48,444 Yo. 950 00:51:48,720 --> 00:51:50,210 Slapshot. 951 00:51:54,320 --> 00:51:56,243 I've got aboot 10 left. 952 00:51:57,120 --> 00:51:58,884 I've got aboot the same. 953 00:51:59,160 --> 00:52:02,164 Then let's drop that puck. Go! 954 00:52:37,480 --> 00:52:40,643 Nein! Nein! Nein! 955 00:52:42,880 --> 00:52:45,247 Wow. 956 00:52:47,200 --> 00:52:49,362 Freeze. Hands up. Hands up. 957 00:52:49,640 --> 00:52:51,961 Don't you move. You goddamn yoga hosers! 958 00:52:52,280 --> 00:52:54,169 RCMP. freeze. 959 00:52:54,480 --> 00:52:55,766 This is so basic. 960 00:52:56,040 --> 00:52:57,883 This is beyond basic. 961 00:53:06,160 --> 00:53:07,605 - So basic. - Shh. 962 00:53:12,600 --> 00:53:13,601 Stop it. I'm itchy. 963 00:53:13,920 --> 00:53:15,046 Stop it. 964 00:53:18,640 --> 00:53:22,008 All right. C'mon. c'mon, c'mon. 965 00:53:23,360 --> 00:53:25,840 All right. You got aboot ten minutes before the RCMP come back. 966 00:53:26,120 --> 00:53:28,521 I'll try to stall 'em as long as I can. 967 00:53:28,800 --> 00:53:30,882 You know. thank you very much for doing this. 968 00:53:31,160 --> 00:53:33,128 I cannot know how to repay you for this. 969 00:53:33,440 --> 00:53:37,206 No. No. Thank you. Look. this book, is my bible. 970 00:53:37,480 --> 00:53:41,326 And you're like a goddamn Canadian Batman. Eh? 971 00:53:41,600 --> 00:53:44,251 Oh. That is so touching. I cannot believe. 972 00:53:44,520 --> 00:53:45,520 I'll stall for a second. 973 00:53:54,000 --> 00:54:01,726 Um. I thought that maybe you might need a stiff drink. 974 00:54:02,280 --> 00:54:04,806 You saw my mom? Where is she? 975 00:54:05,080 --> 00:54:09,642 Well. she's out there and she's trying to post bail. You know. 976 00:54:10,120 --> 00:54:13,886 Your father. who's name I think is Bob Collette. 977 00:54:14,160 --> 00:54:17,687 They are having a heck of a time getting in touch with that man. 978 00:54:17,960 --> 00:54:19,610 He's in Niagara Falls. 979 00:54:19,880 --> 00:54:22,929 The RCMP will not let your mommy 980 00:54:23,240 --> 00:54:28,326 bail you out of here because the RCMP don't ever let. 981 00:54:28,600 --> 00:54:30,967 Eh. serial killers out on bail. 982 00:54:31,240 --> 00:54:34,323 And they're saying that you are both 983 00:54:34,600 --> 00:54:37,888 the serial killers because you killeded those... 984 00:54:38,160 --> 00:54:40,527 Those eh. two boys, you know. 985 00:54:40,840 --> 00:54:43,127 You killed the absolute shit out of them. 986 00:54:43,400 --> 00:54:44,890 But we didn't kill the boys. 987 00:54:45,160 --> 00:54:46,321 We didn't kill anybody. 988 00:54:46,640 --> 00:54:47,641 They were gonna kill us. 989 00:54:47,920 --> 00:54:49,524 - They were devil worshipers. - Yeah. 990 00:54:49,800 --> 00:54:54,647 I don't really know much about the devil. but there we go. 991 00:54:56,360 --> 00:54:58,806 Somebody sure put their poop-holes through hell. You know? 992 00:54:59,080 --> 00:55:02,323 We didn't do this. 993 00:55:02,600 --> 00:55:04,443 Who did then? 994 00:55:04,720 --> 00:55:06,290 It was the Bratzis. 995 00:55:06,560 --> 00:55:08,324 Bratzis? 996 00:55:08,600 --> 00:55:11,490 I want to know what this Bratzi is. What is a Bratzi? 997 00:55:11,760 --> 00:55:14,176 It's like a foot-tall Canadian Nazi and it's made of Bratwurst. 998 00:55:14,200 --> 00:55:15,656 They have concentrated sauerkraut for blood. 999 00:55:15,680 --> 00:55:18,081 And they dress like Mountie Beaver stuffies. 1000 00:55:18,360 --> 00:55:21,091 Are you guys tripping on the pot? 1001 00:55:21,600 --> 00:55:26,561 I mean do you even hear how crazy that sounds? 1002 00:55:27,160 --> 00:55:32,291 Yes. So I go down to the old Eh-2-Zed 1003 00:55:33,080 --> 00:55:35,560 and I will look around myself. You know? 1004 00:55:35,840 --> 00:55:41,961 Guy Lapointe style. and you want to know what I believe now? 1005 00:55:42,280 --> 00:55:44,282 What? 1006 00:55:44,560 --> 00:55:49,327 I believe that I believe you. 1007 00:55:49,600 --> 00:55:50,806 You saw them? 1008 00:55:51,120 --> 00:55:53,282 Yeah. I saw only this. You know. 1009 00:55:53,560 --> 00:55:58,361 It was buried in a wad of cheese at the back of the microwave. 1010 00:55:58,640 --> 00:56:00,927 I found this. 1011 00:56:04,680 --> 00:56:06,250 What's this? 1012 00:56:06,520 --> 00:56:11,686 This is a land purchase agreement signed in 1939 1013 00:56:11,960 --> 00:56:14,531 by the self-proclaimed Canadian Fuhrer. 1014 00:56:14,800 --> 00:56:19,761 Adrien Arcand. 1015 00:56:20,040 --> 00:56:24,125 For 100 acres in the Winnipegs. 1016 00:56:24,440 --> 00:56:29,207 On this now sits a little store that could be 1017 00:56:29,480 --> 00:56:33,530 very near and dear to your hearts. I think so. 1018 00:56:33,800 --> 00:56:36,041 - Lulu Lemon? - He's talking about the Zed. 1019 00:56:36,320 --> 00:56:37,401 Oh. 1020 00:56:37,680 --> 00:56:40,923 Canadian Nazis were the original land owners 1021 00:56:41,200 --> 00:56:45,444 of that piece of land where that store is now. 1022 00:56:45,760 --> 00:56:51,881 And it is my theory that these horrific monsters never left. 1023 00:56:53,480 --> 00:56:58,850 That's why I need both of you to help me solve this 1024 00:56:59,120 --> 00:57:04,001 quite queer case of the untold tale 1025 00:57:04,320 --> 00:57:09,121 buried beneath the Canadian convenience store. 1026 00:57:09,400 --> 00:57:11,767 Which is probably what I should call the book. I think. 1027 00:57:12,080 --> 00:57:15,402 Okay. so. When do we get out of here? 1028 00:57:15,680 --> 00:57:18,126 We don't get out of here. I do. 1029 00:57:18,400 --> 00:57:21,051 You don't. Because you're in the jail. 1030 00:57:22,800 --> 00:57:24,848 " Right? 1031 00:57:25,120 --> 00:57:27,160 I'm gonna speak to this fool in French for a second. 1032 00:57:28,040 --> 00:57:30,520 Excuse me. 1033 00:57:30,840 --> 00:57:33,127 I can get you inside the Eh-2-Zed. 1034 00:57:33,400 --> 00:57:36,643 As you said. I can get myself inside the Eh-2-Zed 1035 00:57:36,920 --> 00:57:41,244 quite easily. little kitty cat woman smarty pantsies. 1036 00:57:41,560 --> 00:57:44,564 But you need me to show you the secret passageway. 1037 00:57:46,000 --> 00:57:50,608 She's saying that I need her for the secret passageway. 1038 00:57:50,880 --> 00:57:53,326 What secret passageway? 1039 00:57:53,600 --> 00:57:55,523 The Colleen who doesn't speak the French 1040 00:57:55,800 --> 00:57:58,610 has never heard of the passageway. 1041 00:57:58,920 --> 00:58:00,896 My Dad showed only me the secret passageway. 1042 00:58:00,920 --> 00:58:02,331 And I'll take you there. 1043 00:58:02,600 --> 00:58:04,489 But you have to get us out of here. 1044 00:58:04,800 --> 00:58:06,643 Understand? 1045 00:58:06,960 --> 00:58:09,201 Shit... 1046 00:58:11,640 --> 00:58:13,961 That means shit. 1047 00:58:39,680 --> 00:58:42,286 Aw it's Hunter's chalk line. 1048 00:58:42,920 --> 00:58:44,490 Ew. 1049 00:58:45,120 --> 00:58:46,929 Maybe we should Instagram it. 1050 00:58:47,200 --> 00:58:48,281 Ooh. right? 1051 00:58:48,560 --> 00:58:50,927 Uh. Mr. Lapointe? Can we have our phones back now? 1052 00:58:55,840 --> 00:58:58,764 You want your phones? 1053 00:58:59,040 --> 00:59:01,611 No. I didn't steal your phones. 1054 00:59:01,880 --> 00:59:03,370 You didn't get our phones? 1055 00:59:03,640 --> 00:59:07,486 Do you mean that when I was illegally breaking you out of the jail 1056 00:59:07,760 --> 00:59:10,206 that I forgot to steal your precious telephones. 1057 00:59:10,480 --> 00:59:11,811 Is that what you're trying to say? 1058 00:59:12,080 --> 00:59:14,845 Well. I'm sorry I'm so selfish. 1059 00:59:15,160 --> 00:59:16,207 Right? 1060 00:59:16,480 --> 00:59:18,084 How can I ever make it up to you? 1061 00:59:18,360 --> 00:59:21,443 Well. you can start by letting us change out of these prison rags. 1062 00:59:21,720 --> 00:59:23,722 Yeah. they make us look fat. 1063 00:59:24,040 --> 00:59:26,361 You listen to me. You Lady Gagas. 1064 00:59:26,640 --> 00:59:29,371 You know that this is not a photograph shoot 1065 00:59:29,640 --> 00:59:31,404 for the Canadian Vogue. 1066 00:59:31,720 --> 00:59:34,530 And I did not bring for you wardrobe styles 1067 00:59:34,840 --> 00:59:36,976 with all that frilly business. So what would you like to do? 1068 00:59:37,000 --> 00:59:39,571 Well. We have our Yoga clothes and backup smocks 1069 00:59:39,840 --> 00:59:41,920 in the bathroom. can we at least go change into that? 1070 00:59:41,960 --> 00:59:43,280 Yeah. and I'll take that over this 1071 00:59:43,400 --> 00:59:46,483 Orange is the New Black bullshit any day. 1072 00:59:46,760 --> 00:59:48,489 You have one Manitoban minute. 1073 00:59:48,760 --> 00:59:51,684 And then you will show me the secret passage way. 1074 00:59:51,960 --> 00:59:53,883 So you must hurry up. 1075 00:59:54,200 --> 00:59:57,090 Hey. oh whoa. No poopie stuff. 1076 00:59:57,360 --> 01:00:00,807 Ew. 1077 01:00:01,120 --> 01:00:03,851 Okay. Colleen. seriously, why didn't you tell me about 1078 01:00:04,160 --> 01:00:06,128 this secret passageway? That's so cool. 1079 01:00:06,400 --> 01:00:08,607 Seriously. there is no secret passageway. 1080 01:00:08,920 --> 01:00:10,680 I'm pretty sure there is a secret passageway. 1081 01:00:10,760 --> 01:00:11,760 You said there was. 1082 01:00:11,880 --> 01:00:15,771 I'm pretty sure I only said that to get us oot of jail. Colleen. God. 1083 01:00:16,040 --> 01:00:18,216 If we don't prove the Bratzis exist. We're going away for murder. 1084 01:00:18,240 --> 01:00:20,160 But what do we do aboot Guy Lapointe? 1085 01:00:20,240 --> 01:00:21,856 I don't know. Colleen. I guess it's time 1086 01:00:21,880 --> 01:00:24,121 to tell him there is no secret passageway. 1087 01:00:44,000 --> 01:00:46,241 - Oh! 1088 01:00:50,080 --> 01:00:53,801 Das boo! 1089 01:02:16,520 --> 01:02:19,046 Oh. you're awake. 1090 01:02:19,320 --> 01:02:20,320 Wunderbar. Wunderbar. 1091 01:02:20,480 --> 01:02:26,328 Wunderbar. Wunderbar. 1092 01:02:26,640 --> 01:02:28,688 Bratzis. no? 1093 01:02:28,960 --> 01:02:30,041 Bratzis. 1094 01:02:30,320 --> 01:02:31,810 I would like to welcome you. 1095 01:02:32,160 --> 01:02:35,004 To my Canadian Subterranean Stronghold 1096 01:02:35,440 --> 01:02:39,047 Located 37 feet below the surface of Winnipeg. 1097 01:02:39,400 --> 01:02:43,291 Und I am Andronicus Arcane. 1098 01:02:43,560 --> 01:02:46,131 That's that guy Ms. Maurice told us aboot in Honors History. 1099 01:02:46,400 --> 01:02:47,447 The man from Berlin? 1100 01:02:47,720 --> 01:02:50,485 Poof. He disappeared. 1101 01:02:50,760 --> 01:02:51,760 Poop? 1102 01:02:51,920 --> 01:02:53,843 Yah. frauleins. I am from Berlin. 1103 01:02:54,120 --> 01:02:56,168 This is why I have an accent that sounds 1104 01:02:56,440 --> 01:02:59,330 both scary und creepy. 1105 01:02:59,600 --> 01:03:03,002 So in an effort to make our future communications 1106 01:03:03,280 --> 01:03:05,886 less spooky and more friendly. 1107 01:03:06,160 --> 01:03:08,606 I will now be speaking only in the voice 1108 01:03:08,880 --> 01:03:12,248 of American movie star. Al Pacino. 1109 01:03:15,320 --> 01:03:19,325 I bet all you need are the dulcet tones 1110 01:03:19,600 --> 01:03:23,207 of one of Hollywood's greatest living actors. 1111 01:03:23,480 --> 01:03:25,403 Hoowah. 1112 01:03:25,680 --> 01:03:28,650 Do you know what. that's not a half-bad Al Pacino there. 1113 01:03:28,920 --> 01:03:30,445 Thank you. 1114 01:03:30,720 --> 01:03:33,166 - Who? - Al Pacino. 1115 01:03:33,440 --> 01:03:37,001 Al Pacino. he was an American president? 1116 01:03:37,280 --> 01:03:38,486 - Oh. - Geez. 1117 01:03:38,800 --> 01:03:42,168 You see. the Third Reich imprisoned me here 1118 01:03:42,440 --> 01:03:45,967 inside this Canadian Subterranean Stronghold. 1119 01:03:46,240 --> 01:03:51,167 To build a clone army that would conquer Canada 1120 01:03:51,480 --> 01:03:55,041 and the United States of America. 1121 01:03:55,360 --> 01:03:56,600 Hoowah. 1122 01:03:56,880 --> 01:04:00,407 I used my own DNA and made the clone bodies from 1123 01:04:00,680 --> 01:04:05,766 the finest bratwurst and sauerkraut direct from Deutschland. 1124 01:04:06,040 --> 01:04:09,283 So in 1945. I initiated 1125 01:04:09,560 --> 01:04:12,643 the 100 year-long incubation process. 1126 01:04:12,960 --> 01:04:17,568 And I put myself on ice. In a cryogenic chamber, 1127 01:04:17,880 --> 01:04:20,929 timed to wake up when my little wiener babies 1128 01:04:21,200 --> 01:04:24,329 were full-grown clones. 1129 01:04:27,720 --> 01:04:29,688 But 70 years later... 1130 01:04:29,960 --> 01:04:32,088 We've got real def. rhythms 1131 01:04:32,360 --> 01:04:32,963 And fresh new jams 1132 01:04:33,240 --> 01:04:34,287 You say we got egos... 1133 01:04:34,600 --> 01:04:36,762 The little Colleens would change everything 1134 01:04:37,040 --> 01:04:40,169 simply by singin' a song. 1135 01:04:43,080 --> 01:04:44,730 Goddamn it. Ichabod. 1136 01:04:45,000 --> 01:04:46,525 How much did you plug into that socket? 1137 01:04:46,800 --> 01:04:48,720 You told me to plug everything into that soocket. 1138 01:04:48,960 --> 01:04:51,042 We're 14 years old. Ichabod. 1139 01:04:51,320 --> 01:04:54,210 Yeah. what are we supposed to know about physics. Ichabod? 1140 01:04:54,480 --> 01:04:57,643 You guys wouldn't talk to me this way if I was covered in tattoos. 1141 01:04:57,960 --> 01:05:00,691 The power outage in the Eh-2-Zed that night. 1142 01:05:01,000 --> 01:05:04,322 Shorted out my ancient Canadian Subterranean Generator. 1143 01:05:07,760 --> 01:05:12,607 So I woke up prematurely from my cryogenic slumber. 1144 01:05:14,520 --> 01:05:18,570 But the incubation process had also been interrupted... 1145 01:05:19,360 --> 01:05:20,646 Papa. 1146 01:05:20,920 --> 01:05:24,686 Forever stunting the growth of my wiener babies. 1147 01:05:25,720 --> 01:05:29,520 My life's work was a failure. 1148 01:05:30,160 --> 01:05:31,969 Hoowah. 1149 01:05:32,280 --> 01:05:35,045 That's so sad. 1150 01:05:35,320 --> 01:05:37,496 Yeah. maybe it would be less sad coming from 1151 01:05:37,520 --> 01:05:40,490 American tough guy. Sylvester Stallone. 1152 01:05:42,200 --> 01:05:43,736 So. you know. 1153 01:05:43,760 --> 01:05:46,764 Even though making clones was my life's work. 1154 01:05:47,040 --> 01:05:49,850 It wasn't my passion. you know? 1155 01:05:50,120 --> 01:05:51,645 This guy sounds like Groot. 1156 01:05:51,920 --> 01:05:54,890 No. he was being Sylvester Stallone. 1157 01:05:55,480 --> 01:05:56,925 Who? 1158 01:05:57,200 --> 01:06:00,647 So. anyway, before I got into science 1159 01:06:00,920 --> 01:06:03,207 and before the war. 1160 01:06:03,520 --> 01:06:06,046 And then before I met Adrien Arcand. I was like. 1161 01:06:06,360 --> 01:06:07,566 "Yo. Adrien." 1162 01:06:07,840 --> 01:06:11,447 Adrian was the wife in the movie of the Rocky Rambo. 1163 01:06:11,720 --> 01:06:13,688 He's very good. 1164 01:06:13,960 --> 01:06:17,123 And before the Nazi No-good-nicks took over my life. 1165 01:06:17,400 --> 01:06:20,051 I was an artist. you know? 1166 01:06:20,320 --> 01:06:22,482 And my art was sculpting. You know. 1167 01:06:22,760 --> 01:06:24,330 I'd chip away at the marble 1168 01:06:24,600 --> 01:06:26,364 until it was beautiful to me. You know? 1169 01:06:26,640 --> 01:06:28,290 I loved being an artist. 1170 01:06:28,560 --> 01:06:30,767 Except for one thing. 1171 01:06:31,040 --> 01:06:33,202 I'm talkin' about the goddamned critics. you know? 1172 01:06:33,480 --> 01:06:37,121 They told me I had no talent. They told me I stink on ice. 1173 01:06:37,400 --> 01:06:41,246 They're so negative and hurtful. They cut me. man. 1174 01:06:41,560 --> 01:06:43,856 They drove me away from doing the thing I really love to do. 1175 01:06:43,880 --> 01:06:46,406 Ya know. being who I am. 1176 01:06:46,680 --> 01:06:50,366 That's when I found Adrien Arcand and Canadian Nazis 1177 01:06:50,640 --> 01:06:54,008 and. you know, Hitler. 1178 01:06:54,320 --> 01:06:55,765 Oh. 1179 01:06:56,080 --> 01:06:57,081 Right? 1180 01:06:57,360 --> 01:06:59,966 You know that this man is not a puppy on the internet? 1181 01:07:00,240 --> 01:07:03,164 Maybe my Stallone is too aggressive 1182 01:07:03,440 --> 01:07:06,250 I will switch to a Hollywood impression that is less threatening. 1183 01:07:07,960 --> 01:07:10,096 So. I didn't want to be 1184 01:07:10,120 --> 01:07:11,360 a Nazi for the rest of my life. 1185 01:07:12,880 --> 01:07:16,202 The exit tunnel of my Canadian Subterranean Stronghold 1186 01:07:16,480 --> 01:07:18,767 got me to the backroom of the Eh-2-Zed. 1187 01:07:19,040 --> 01:07:23,090 And one night. after closing. I took my first steps 1188 01:07:23,400 --> 01:07:25,084 into a brave new world. 1189 01:07:27,880 --> 01:07:30,008 So. every night after the store closed, 1190 01:07:30,320 --> 01:07:32,721 I would make myself at home in the Eh-2-Zed backroom. 1191 01:07:33,000 --> 01:07:35,048 Where I learned to speak English and do voices. 1192 01:07:35,360 --> 01:07:38,682 By watching every single thing on Netflix. 1193 01:07:39,000 --> 01:07:40,843 I'll be... 1194 01:07:41,160 --> 01:07:42,160 I'll be back. 1195 01:07:42,400 --> 01:07:45,404 And I discovered that this modern world worships popular. 1196 01:07:45,680 --> 01:07:47,011 Arts and entertainment. 1197 01:07:47,280 --> 01:07:49,203 I'll be back. I'll... 1198 01:07:49,480 --> 01:07:51,256 So, for the past six months. 1199 01:07:51,280 --> 01:07:53,089 I've been sculpting again. Don't ya know? 1200 01:07:53,360 --> 01:07:57,445 Sculpting up a storm with the help of my wicked little wiener babies. 1201 01:07:57,760 --> 01:08:00,331 Wunderbar! 1202 01:08:00,640 --> 01:08:04,281 May I present the debut of my first new work in decades. 1203 01:08:04,600 --> 01:08:07,922 It's a sculpture celebrating my beloved 1204 01:08:08,200 --> 01:08:10,771 adopted home of Canada. 1205 01:08:11,040 --> 01:08:15,170 I call it. the Goalie Golem. 1206 01:08:25,280 --> 01:08:27,521 So. what does everybody think? 1207 01:08:29,400 --> 01:08:33,086 Well. I will tell you 1208 01:08:33,360 --> 01:08:37,206 that this giant Canada man is very bold. 1209 01:08:37,480 --> 01:08:39,130 And it's a real statement. You know? 1210 01:08:39,400 --> 01:08:40,083 Mm-hmm. 1211 01:08:40,360 --> 01:08:44,365 It captures perfectly that kind of essence 1212 01:08:44,680 --> 01:08:47,081 of the True North. you know. 1213 01:08:47,400 --> 01:08:50,131 Oh. thank you. 1214 01:08:50,440 --> 01:08:52,841 But it also captures the actual people that you killed 1215 01:08:53,120 --> 01:08:55,885 in the sculpture as well. Regrettably. 1216 01:08:56,200 --> 01:08:57,247 Hmm. 1217 01:08:57,520 --> 01:09:01,411 So I'm thinking that we should all be very afraid right now. 1218 01:09:02,280 --> 01:09:04,442 But. Mr. Lapointe, you and the Colleens 1219 01:09:04,720 --> 01:09:06,563 were never in any jeopardy. 1220 01:09:06,840 --> 01:09:09,161 You see. I brought the Colleens here to help me. 1221 01:09:09,440 --> 01:09:12,603 I have a need for their very specialized skills. 1222 01:09:12,920 --> 01:09:14,729 Um. I don't mean to be mean. 1223 01:09:15,000 --> 01:09:16,923 But I don't know who this is either. 1224 01:09:17,200 --> 01:09:18,440 Rats. 1225 01:09:18,760 --> 01:09:21,286 Do you want to try doing someone we might recognize? 1226 01:09:21,600 --> 01:09:23,045 Hmm. 1227 01:09:23,320 --> 01:09:25,926 Uh. do you know the actor who played the Batman? 1228 01:09:26,200 --> 01:09:27,770 I can do him too. 1229 01:09:29,720 --> 01:09:33,406 You see girls. Each night as I slaved away 1230 01:09:33,680 --> 01:09:37,685 over my masterpiece. One dream fueled me. 1231 01:09:37,960 --> 01:09:39,962 Uh. that does not sound like Batman. 1232 01:09:40,280 --> 01:09:42,203 Yeah. Batman sounds like... 1233 01:09:42,480 --> 01:09:45,006 Where's the trigger? Uhh. 1234 01:09:45,280 --> 01:09:46,850 Where's the trigger? 1235 01:09:47,160 --> 01:09:51,324 Uh. where's the trigger? 1236 01:09:51,600 --> 01:09:53,409 Uh... 1237 01:09:53,680 --> 01:09:57,480 No you don't understand. He's doing the original. 1238 01:09:57,800 --> 01:10:00,724 The real Batman from the televisions. Adam West's Batman. 1239 01:10:01,000 --> 01:10:02,161 - Wasn't it'? - Yes. 1240 01:10:02,440 --> 01:10:03,851 It's supposed to sound like... 1241 01:10:04,120 --> 01:10:06,376 Uh. where's the trigger. Joker? 1242 01:10:06,400 --> 01:10:08,926 Uh uh. Where's the trigger? 1243 01:10:09,200 --> 01:10:11,320 Do you know he never once said that line to the Joker. 1244 01:10:11,360 --> 01:10:12,360 So just stop it. 1245 01:10:12,480 --> 01:10:14,801 The only thing I've dreamed of for the past six months 1246 01:10:15,080 --> 01:10:19,608 is looking at a photograph of me standing proudly 1247 01:10:19,880 --> 01:10:24,204 next to my sculpture on the "Famous People are Just Like You" 1248 01:10:24,480 --> 01:10:27,484 page of Them Weekly magazine. 1249 01:10:27,760 --> 01:10:29,762 Oh my god. he reads it too! 1250 01:10:30,080 --> 01:10:31,525 Isn't that page. like, the best? 1251 01:10:31,800 --> 01:10:35,441 One time. they showed Harry Styles buying bacon. 1252 01:10:40,840 --> 01:10:44,083 - It was so hot. - It was so hot. 1253 01:10:44,360 --> 01:10:49,446 And this is my Harry Styles buying bacon moment. 1254 01:10:59,800 --> 01:11:01,200 Now you are pleased to photograph me 1255 01:11:01,440 --> 01:11:04,091 for Them Weekly magazine. 1256 01:11:04,600 --> 01:11:06,045 You're kidding! 1257 01:11:06,560 --> 01:11:09,370 You're never going to believe this. Mr. Old Man. but 1258 01:11:09,640 --> 01:11:12,689 we don't have our phones. 1259 01:11:13,000 --> 01:11:17,767 What? Nein. nein. nein. nein, nein. 1260 01:11:18,040 --> 01:11:20,361 So much nein it's almost 10. 1261 01:11:20,640 --> 01:11:23,450 How can this be? You always have with the phones. 1262 01:11:23,760 --> 01:11:25,364 The cops took our phones. 1263 01:11:26,800 --> 01:11:29,326 Surely you must have a phone. Herr Guy. 1264 01:11:29,640 --> 01:11:31,483 My phone has no camera. 1265 01:11:31,760 --> 01:11:33,285 What the fudge? 1266 01:11:33,800 --> 01:11:36,610 So. nobody has a camera. 1267 01:11:36,880 --> 01:11:41,249 I guess we have to go directly to phase two of my master plan. 1268 01:11:45,520 --> 01:11:47,921 Fly my pretties, Fly! C'mon. 1269 01:11:48,240 --> 01:11:49,240 Wunderbar! 1270 01:11:49,320 --> 01:11:52,688 That's right. yes. Wiener babies, let's go! 1271 01:11:53,000 --> 01:11:54,331 C'mon. c'mon. 1272 01:11:54,600 --> 01:11:58,002 Let's all go to the lobby. Let's all go to the lobby 1273 01:11:58,320 --> 01:11:59,970 Whoa. 1274 01:12:03,360 --> 01:12:07,763 And okay for you. Mr. Straggler. Now you inside there. 1275 01:12:09,520 --> 01:12:15,880 Now. my wiener babies. Bring mein art to life. 1276 01:12:16,160 --> 01:12:19,607 Rise. rise! 1277 01:12:22,120 --> 01:12:23,120 Rise! 1278 01:12:25,560 --> 01:12:27,528 Yeah that's what I'm talkin' about. baby! 1279 01:12:29,640 --> 01:12:31,244 - Wow. - Wow. 1280 01:12:31,920 --> 01:12:33,160 That's the same thing that 1281 01:12:33,440 --> 01:12:36,011 Them Weekly magazine is gonna feel 1282 01:12:36,280 --> 01:12:37,725 when they see this baby. 1283 01:12:39,560 --> 01:12:42,370 For tonight he is going to start his bloody rampage 1284 01:12:42,640 --> 01:12:44,290 across the True North. 1285 01:12:44,560 --> 01:12:49,248 Killing every art critic in Canada. 1286 01:12:49,680 --> 01:12:51,011 What? 1287 01:12:52,000 --> 01:12:53,604 Go my Goalie Golem. 1288 01:12:53,880 --> 01:12:58,602 Go kill the critics and all the haters that gotta hate. 1289 01:12:58,880 --> 01:13:01,281 Oh. I hate those haters. 1290 01:13:01,560 --> 01:13:04,325 - You can't let him do this. - You've gotta stop him. 1291 01:13:04,600 --> 01:13:07,410 Let me just hang on a minute. Let's... 1292 01:13:07,680 --> 01:13:10,923 He's not talking about killing real people. 1293 01:13:11,240 --> 01:13:13,846 He's just talking about killing critics. 1294 01:13:14,160 --> 01:13:15,446 Mr. Lapointe! 1295 01:13:15,720 --> 01:13:17,927 Let it go! Use the ladder! 1296 01:13:18,200 --> 01:13:19,964 Go my Goalie Golem! 1297 01:13:22,800 --> 01:13:23,800 - We can do this. - Yeah. 1298 01:13:24,040 --> 01:13:25,040 We don't need his help. 1299 01:13:25,160 --> 01:13:26,736 We do tons of stupid stuff without adults. 1300 01:13:26,760 --> 01:13:28,205 - All the time. - All the time. 1301 01:13:28,480 --> 01:13:30,403 It's just a bunch of Bratzis in a giant suit. 1302 01:13:30,720 --> 01:13:32,768 And we beat a bunch of Bratzis before. Mm-hmm. Yeah. 1303 01:13:33,040 --> 01:13:35,520 Okay but what are we gonna do aboot Guy Lapointeless over here? 1304 01:13:36,120 --> 01:13:37,645 This epic fail? 1305 01:13:38,120 --> 01:13:40,805 Unhand me. Unhand! 1306 01:13:41,440 --> 01:13:44,171 Okay all we have to do is do every yoga pose 1307 01:13:44,560 --> 01:13:45,800 Yogi Bayer ever taught us. 1308 01:13:46,080 --> 01:13:47,127 That's your plan? 1309 01:13:47,440 --> 01:13:50,842 What in the heck did your yogurt instructor teach you? 1310 01:13:51,160 --> 01:13:53,083 He taught us to destroy everything that threatens 1311 01:13:53,360 --> 01:13:55,601 anything and anyone you love. By hook or by crook. 1312 01:13:55,880 --> 01:13:59,202 And that's the Yoga Way. Frenchie. Let's go. 1313 01:13:59,960 --> 01:14:03,362 Wunderbar. wunderbar, wunderbar! 1314 01:14:03,640 --> 01:14:04,368 Hey Bratzi Party. 1315 01:14:04,640 --> 01:14:06,529 We wanna have a Weenie Roast. 1316 01:14:06,840 --> 01:14:12,051 Wunderbar! 1317 01:14:12,320 --> 01:14:16,006 Nein. Das frauleins! 1318 01:14:17,280 --> 01:14:25,280 Wunderbar. Wunderbar. Wunderbar... 1319 01:14:25,840 --> 01:14:28,366 Nein. nein, nein, nein, nein, nein. 1320 01:14:28,640 --> 01:14:31,928 You're objective is not the Colleens. it's the critics. 1321 01:14:32,240 --> 01:14:35,210 - Nein wunderbar? - Nein wunderbar. 1322 01:14:35,480 --> 01:14:37,960 This is all bad. This is all wrong. 1323 01:14:38,240 --> 01:14:39,844 I give you two thumbs down. 1324 01:14:40,160 --> 01:14:42,288 Das frauleins. 1325 01:14:42,560 --> 01:14:46,326 As your maker. I command you to crush all the critics 1326 01:14:46,600 --> 01:14:48,329 and the negative peoples 1327 01:14:48,600 --> 01:14:50,443 and the haters who gotta hate. hate, hate. 1328 01:14:50,760 --> 01:14:52,171 Mein Heiny. 1329 01:14:52,440 --> 01:14:54,249 - What you waiting for? - Haha.. 1330 01:14:54,560 --> 01:14:57,848 I command you to kill a negative critic right now! 1331 01:14:58,120 --> 01:14:59,929 Okey dokey. Papa. 1332 01:15:00,200 --> 01:15:01,531 Oh. Sheisse. 1333 01:15:07,960 --> 01:15:10,645 They just killed their dad. 1334 01:15:10,920 --> 01:15:18,920 Wunderbar. wunderbar, wunderbar... 1335 01:15:20,280 --> 01:15:23,363 All right. I'd say we got his attention. 1336 01:15:23,640 --> 01:15:24,641 Boss stage. biotch. 1337 01:15:24,960 --> 01:15:27,406 Wunderbar! 1338 01:15:27,680 --> 01:15:28,761 Warrior one! 1339 01:15:29,040 --> 01:15:31,088 Now. warrior two, back to back. 1340 01:15:31,360 --> 01:15:33,249 Okay. now warrior three... 1341 01:15:33,520 --> 01:15:36,410 We crush King Koopa and save Princess Peach. 1342 01:15:36,720 --> 01:15:41,282 Yeah okay. Warrior three! 1343 01:15:49,320 --> 01:15:51,243 - Shit! 1344 01:15:52,040 --> 01:15:53,485 Atlas Shrugged! 1345 01:15:53,760 --> 01:15:54,807 - Atlas Shrugged! 1346 01:15:56,840 --> 01:15:58,330 Dissatisfied customer! 1347 01:16:01,760 --> 01:16:03,967 "I don't like the product you've given me!" 1348 01:16:05,800 --> 01:16:07,211 So. this is yoga. 1349 01:16:09,240 --> 01:16:10,321 Warrior Two! 1350 01:16:10,600 --> 01:16:11,840 - Yoga Fett? - Yoga Fett. 1351 01:16:12,120 --> 01:16:16,603 Yoga Fett. Yoga Fett. Yoga Fett. Yoga Fett. 1352 01:16:20,800 --> 01:16:22,006 Basic. right? 1353 01:16:22,280 --> 01:16:23,691 So basic. 1354 01:16:24,000 --> 01:16:25,047 Ah Schwein! 1355 01:16:30,080 --> 01:16:31,080 - You okay? - I'm okay. 1356 01:16:31,360 --> 01:16:33,840 - Are you okay? - It's been a long night. 1357 01:16:34,120 --> 01:16:35,645 Hey! 1358 01:16:35,920 --> 01:16:38,969 You big bear riding a bulldozer! 1359 01:16:39,280 --> 01:16:43,842 Wunderbar. Wunderbar. 1360 01:16:44,160 --> 01:16:47,209 Why don't you pick on somebody your own size huh? 1361 01:16:47,480 --> 01:16:51,565 Wunderbar! 1362 01:16:52,320 --> 01:16:53,320 Don't come to me. 1363 01:16:53,480 --> 01:16:58,771 Wunderbar. Wunderbar. Wunderbar. 1364 01:17:00,040 --> 01:17:02,168 Auf Wiedersehen! 1365 01:17:05,800 --> 01:17:07,040 Three-legged Dog! 1366 01:17:07,520 --> 01:17:08,601 What the... 1367 01:17:10,400 --> 01:17:11,845 Two-Legged Dog. In a Push Cart. 1368 01:17:19,000 --> 01:17:22,721 Mein spine! 1369 01:17:23,040 --> 01:17:24,536 Of all the times not to have our phones. 1370 01:17:24,560 --> 01:17:25,721 Right? 1371 01:17:36,440 --> 01:17:38,841 I am so sorry ladies. But I seem 1372 01:17:39,120 --> 01:17:41,088 to have dropped my book onto your wiener. 1373 01:17:55,560 --> 01:17:57,403 No, no, no, no, no! 1374 01:17:57,680 --> 01:17:59,576 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But this is getting ridiculous. 1375 01:17:59,600 --> 01:18:01,887 Now you're telling me that you own Boo Boo Bayers too? 1376 01:18:03,280 --> 01:18:04,850 How can Warner Brothers own something 1377 01:18:05,160 --> 01:18:06,810 that I just made up last week? 1378 01:18:07,120 --> 01:18:08,121 No. I did! 1379 01:18:08,400 --> 01:18:10,164 Yes. out of my own brain. 1380 01:18:10,440 --> 01:18:12,124 Smarter than what average bear? 1381 01:18:12,400 --> 01:18:13,400 No. No. No. I... 1382 01:18:13,560 --> 01:18:16,609 Sorry. sorry, may I speak? Is it my turn to speak? 1383 01:18:16,920 --> 01:18:18,336 I think you need to find some inner peace. 1384 01:18:18,360 --> 01:18:19,360 Mr. Yelling Lawyer Man. 1385 01:18:19,440 --> 01:18:21,363 So why don't you shove your head up your anus 1386 01:18:21,680 --> 01:18:24,047 and look for it? Namaste. 1387 01:18:24,320 --> 01:18:26,607 Piece of shit. 1388 01:18:29,000 --> 01:18:30,729 Young ladies. Young ladies. 1389 01:18:31,000 --> 01:18:34,527 Might I just tell you I am a huge. huge, huge fan. 1390 01:18:34,800 --> 01:18:36,484 Out! Get out! Take off! 1391 01:18:36,760 --> 01:18:37,841 - I'm a fan! - Shoo! 1392 01:18:38,120 --> 01:18:38,803 No. No. No. you go! 1393 01:18:39,080 --> 01:18:40,536 - What am I. a dog? - Shoo, get going! 1394 01:18:40,560 --> 01:18:42,080 - No. go, go! - But I want to see them! 1395 01:18:42,240 --> 01:18:44,440 You're smudging my glass with your perverted energy. go! 1396 01:18:44,560 --> 01:18:46,449 Sorry aboot that. girls. 1397 01:18:46,720 --> 01:18:49,160 I'm very incredibly satisfied by those dissatisfied customers. 1398 01:18:49,400 --> 01:18:50,686 No. We don't want it. right? 1399 01:18:51,000 --> 01:18:53,606 And release. 1400 01:18:53,920 --> 01:18:55,200 Sorry about that guy. Yogi Bayer. 1401 01:18:55,320 --> 01:18:57,440 No. No. No. do not be sorry. That is not the yoga way. 1402 01:18:57,640 --> 01:19:01,042 In yoga. you're right and they're wrong. 1403 01:19:01,320 --> 01:19:03,687 Savasana. ladies. Savasana. 1404 01:19:09,320 --> 01:19:13,006 You know. I am so proud of you girls. 1405 01:19:13,280 --> 01:19:14,884 You really legitimized this place 1406 01:19:15,160 --> 01:19:17,200 and brought honor to the sacred strip mall yoga dojo 1407 01:19:17,360 --> 01:19:20,603 and a 60 percent increase in walking traffic to boot! 1408 01:19:20,880 --> 01:19:22,848 My two best pupils. 1409 01:19:23,160 --> 01:19:25,925 Both faced the ultimate evil. the yoga way. 1410 01:19:26,240 --> 01:19:28,925 And you kicked it's little Nazi assner. 1411 01:19:30,240 --> 01:19:31,969 You girls are my kind of superheroes. 1412 01:19:32,240 --> 01:19:32,809 And when I grow up. 1413 01:19:33,120 --> 01:19:35,487 I want to be as colossal as the Colleens. 1414 01:19:35,760 --> 01:19:36,760 - Thanks. Yogi. - Thanks. 1415 01:19:37,000 --> 01:19:38,764 Stop it. you're going to make me cry. 1416 01:19:39,040 --> 01:19:40,804 Phones? 1417 01:19:41,080 --> 01:19:43,811 - You're on speaker phone. Dad. - Hi. Mr. Collette! 1418 01:19:44,080 --> 01:19:45,605 You've got work tonight! 1419 01:19:47,120 --> 01:19:48,326 Ooh. Lucky you. 1420 01:19:51,480 --> 01:19:53,084 You ready? 1421 01:19:53,400 --> 01:19:54,925 Already have a sign. 1422 01:19:55,200 --> 01:19:57,521 - Oh my god. Colleen! - What? 1423 01:19:57,800 --> 01:19:59,484 Add another heart! 1424 01:19:59,760 --> 01:20:02,411 Jesus. 1425 01:20:02,680 --> 01:20:03,806 - Better? - Better. 1426 01:20:04,080 --> 01:20:05,206 - Ready? - Ready. 1427 01:21:16,720 --> 01:21:18,882 En Francois! 1428 01:26:00,400 --> 01:26:02,323 Welcome to Smodcast. I'm Kevin Smith. 1429 01:26:02,640 --> 01:26:03,323 Scott Mosier. 1430 01:26:03,640 --> 01:26:05,688 Hey. Scott. So. from Edmonton. 1431 01:26:05,960 --> 01:26:06,960 Good ol' YEG. 1432 01:26:07,040 --> 01:26:08,176 A team of police officers were opening 1433 01:26:08,200 --> 01:26:13,764 Open up. Yoga hoser! 1434 01:26:14,040 --> 01:26:16,771 Yoga hoser. Genius. 1435 01:26:17,040 --> 01:26:18,849 Do you guys want some twig tea? 1436 01:26:22,600 --> 01:26:24,250 You look like you could use some. 1437 01:26:24,520 --> 01:26:26,602 You look like a poutine eater. 1438 01:26:29,000 --> 01:26:30,490 I enjoy a good poutine now and then? 1439 01:26:30,760 --> 01:26:32,536 - Yeah. who doesn't? - Hey. hey, hey. 1440 01:26:32,560 --> 01:26:34,280 Don't engage with this guy. Damn yoga hoser. 1441 01:26:40,200 --> 01:26:42,202 Don't go down the road with him. 1442 01:26:44,120 --> 01:26:46,248 We got a database of yoga hosers. 1443 01:26:49,280 --> 01:26:51,521 You're the termites of Canada. 1444 01:26:51,800 --> 01:26:52,800 God damn you hosers. 1445 01:26:52,960 --> 01:26:56,646 Gnawing away at the foundation of this great country. 1446 01:27:00,480 --> 01:27:08,480 With your smoky incense and your patchouli. 1447 01:27:09,040 --> 01:27:12,203 It smells like a Chinese brothel in here! 1448 01:27:16,840 --> 01:27:22,882 It's really hard out here for a yoga hoser. man. 1449 01:27:23,160 --> 01:27:26,050 I want to start a podcast. 1450 01:27:31,680 --> 01:27:32,696 That's Smodcast for this week. 1451 01:27:32,720 --> 01:27:34,320 - I'm Kevin Smith. - Scott Mosier. 1452 01:27:34,440 --> 01:27:35,680 Have a week!