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Is she not answering?
No.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
- Here you go. - Thanks.
You're welcome.
Emma.
Emma, Emma.
Come on.
You haven't packed anything.
Come on.
- Okay. - All right.
Where's your suitcase?
Here.
Whoa.
Oh. Ruth.
Okeydokey.
Sweetheart.
Goddamn it!
Ruth!
Oh, God.
Shit.
Yeah. Hey, Dad.
Oh, man. All right, all right.
I'll be there. Yeah, nothing.
Shit.
Nicky?
What do you mean she's gone?
From our local Doppler radar blizzard warning still in effect...
Come on!
- Fuck you! - That's not nice.
...bringing snowfalls highest
in Lake, Cook, and DuPage county.
Expect up to 11 inches there...
Emma, put that out. Come on, he's here.
Yo, dickheads.
Come on.
Hi.
Got your $10 coffee.
- Hi. Thank you. - Hi. Yeah, yeah.
Come on, hon. Come on.
- Need help? - No.
- No Eddie, huh? - No, he had to work. Where's dad?
He's looking for her. He's looking everywhere, every single place
she's ever been in her life.
- Did you check the hospitals? - Yeah.
Yeah, we checked the hospitals, St. Giles, Rotary Club,
we even went by the nursing home in case she thought
she was still working there.
- Did you call the police? - Of course we called the police.
- Do they have Dad's number? - Yeah.
Yeah, they've Dad's number,
they've got my number, your number, your number.
And they've got Marion-Down-The-Hall's number. The condo.
He's going out of his mind, Bitty. He's white as a ghost.
When he called me, I thought he was having another heart attack.
I knew this was gonna happen.
Yeah. I've been tellin' him for years, "You gotta figure out
what you wanna do with Mom when the time comes because we all know it's coming.
We all know how this thing works."
- It's hard on him. - Yeah.
Well, you know what's gonna be hard for him?
When she turns up next week
in a goddamn block of ice.
It's over. She is not staying in that condo anymore.
She's going to a place, and he's gonna have to let her.
And if I hear one goddamn peep about frickin' Florida,
so help me God.
What happened to quitting?
Life, Bitty. Life happened to quitting.
You can't smoke in here, I'm chemically sensitive.
- You're who? - Chemically sensitive.
What kind of California bullshit is that?
That's your ringer?
For Dad it is.
Hey, Pop.
Dad.
I told you not to call her.
Bitty, it's Christmas. You oughta be home with your husband.
- Is she all right? - She's swell, she's fine.
- Hiya, sweets. - Hi, Gramps, you okay?
Yes, thank you.
Oh. Nicholas.
Damn it, I knew that you'd start smoking again with that bar.
Dad, are you all right? Have they checked your blood pressure?
- I'm fine. - What'd the doctor say?
- He hasn't been in yet. - Then how do you know she's fine?
Because she's fine. Go take a look at her, down that hall.
What?
Mom.
Is that my baby?
- Yeah. - Oh!
I'm so happy to see you.
- You too. - You all right, Mom?
Oh, that's my baby, too.
Yeah.
Oh!
- Honey! - Hi, Grandma.
- Listen, do you need some money? - No.
Let me get you some money.
- See she's fine. - Where's my purse?
- You don't need your purse, Ruth. - Yes, I do, you turkey.
- Sit down. - Where the heck was she?
- Aurora. - Aurora?
She got on the commuter.
Rode the damn thing back and forth
until the conductor finally screwed his eyeballs in.
- Did she really? - Where did she get on at?
- Berwyn. - Hmm.
She walked to Berwyn in a snowstorm?
She's fine, Nicholas.
She doesn't look fine to me.
- She's fine, Mom. - She's fine, Ruth.
Excuse you,
I was in geriatrics for 30 years,
thank you very much.
Where's your diamond?
Oh, um, I forgot to put it on.
What do you mean, you forgot?
- She doesn't wear it. - Yes, I do.
- I take it off for work. - How come?
Because I have my hands in raw poultry all day. Ow, Mom.
- That hurts. - Did you guys go to mass last night?
No, I... We were gonna go today.
- We were? - Yeah.
You were?
Mm-hmm. Yes.
- Come in. - Are we ready for a pelvic exam?
Pelvic exam?
That's my baby.
Hmm?
Now they are safer in memory care,
they also typically improve.
Some of them feel more at home among their peers than with their own family.
As strange as that sounds.
Look, the reason I did a pelvic exam is because
during wandering episodes, women are often assaulted.
Sexually.
I didn't see evidence of that today
but I'd be very concerned about her getting out again.
Dad.
- Hey, Dad. - What?
I'm on the street.
So go then. Ruth. Come on, honey.
No, I'll take her with me.
Come on.
I'll go.
- Bye. - Am I going with you?
Yeah.
Goddamn hospitals.
Goddamn teenage doctors.
What happened to the Camry?
I'm 75 years old, Bitty. Fuck the Camry.
Let's go.
It's a convertible.
What about putting the top up?
I gotta fix that.
This is a rocket, watch out.
Like that?
Hey.
I got your lo mein.
- Oh, yeah? - Where's your mother?
She's in the back with Emma.
All right.
Hey, come here.
- Come here. Come here. - What?
What? What's the matter?
- She hit on me. - Who?
Not Emma.
- Mom? - Yeah.
Yeah she put her hand on my knee, and she was...
looking at me like she wanted to... She hit on me.
What'd you do?
I just kept calling her Mom.
I said thanks, Mom. It's nice to see you, too, Mom.
I'm really glad you birthed me, Mom.
- You're laughing. Don't laugh, you asshole. - I'm sorry.
No, I'm fucking traumatized.
- Your face. - My face?
It's not funny.
Hey.
You want to go for a drive with Uncle Nicky and me?
No. Uncle Nicky is a dick.
No he is not. Don't say that.
Did you fill out your new dorm application?
Yeah.
You did?
Yes.
All right. Well...
are you sure you're gonna be okay here by yourself?
Okay.
- Well, I have my cell. - Oh, really, you do?
Great, I'll call you. We'll have a chat.
Don't...
Don't let those guys catch you with all of this.
Let's go, dickie-doodle.
- So Jimmy Laciak, remember him? - Yup.
He sits on the board of what's considered
to be the best memory care place in Chicago.
They got a waiting list a mile long,
but he says he can get Mom in there February one.
And then a little two bedroom on the same campus for dad by the 15th.
They can't be together?
Memory care's lock down, dementia only.
It's a bunch of loons. He'd be tearing his hair out in there anyway.
But his spot in assisted living's like 50 yards away.
He can go visit her whenever he wants.
What if he doesn't want assisted living?
Well, Daddy doesn't always get what Daddy wants.
It's not daycare, Bit. They don't wipe his ass. It's nice.
You know, they do his laundry, give him a meal plan,
and if he gets a chest pain, all he gotta do is press a button.
What about a live-in person?
Insurance doesn't cover it.
It doesn't cover memory care either.
Well, it covers some of it
and then he sells the condo.
He's not gonna sell the condo.
What's he gonna do take it with him?
Oh.
Oh, my God! Is that you? Are you Nick?
Oh, no. That's the other owner. His name's Nick, too.
Well...
Of course it's me, you dingleberry.
Well, how am I supposed to know, you never told me.
Yeah.
Wow.
- Yeah. - Oh, my God. It's gorgeous.
Yeah. See? It's not some shitty dive.
Who said it was a shitty dive?
- Well, has he been here? - Of course he hasn't been here.
Did you invite him?
I shouldn't have to invite him.
Somebody's living here.
You're one sharp cookie, Bit.
Who?
The other owner.
You're living here?
- Yeah. - What about Rachel?
Shh!
What do you mean, "shh"?
What do you wanna drink?
Come on, loosen up. It's the holidays.
Norbert's Manhattan.
- That's it. - That's it.
Good choice.
This is going to be the best Manhattan you ever have in your life.
You'll shit your pants.
This is... I just love that you used Dad's farm up here.
Yeah, if you look very closely,
you'll notice that it's freezing fucking cold.
- Emma, she's a real peach these days. - Yeah.
I think she hates me.
- For what? - I don't know. She doesn't talk to me.
Maybe she's pregnant.
Oh, God. No, please. God.
You never know.
That's unimaginable.
- All right. - Thank you.
Mm-hmm.
Shit.
What?
In my pants.
That was quick.
Yeah, that thing's won an award.
- Mmm. - An award.
What happened with Rachel?
Oh, who knows.
All of a sudden, she's bursting into tears over a hamburger 'cause I haven't proposed.
She's been waiting for you to wanna marry her, dummy.
Nobody wants to ask to be proposed to.
You gotta be intuitive.
- You know, it's like Eddie, right? - Mm-hmm.
I'm constantly telling him that chefs hate kitchen gadgets,
but what does he put under the tree every year?
I think, that's cause you open it and go,
"Wow! A coconut roaster!
Oh, my God. Thank you. I love it so much!"
- What am I supposed to say? - "No thanks, where's the receipt?"
- I can't say that. - Why not?
Because, I don't...
you know, I don't wanna make him feel bad in front of the girls.
- It's just annoying. - That's just what the world needs,
two more women who don't tell you what's really going on.
Two more Rachels.
She told you what's going on.
Go over there and bring her flowers.
She's trying to get full custody of her kid now, so...
So?
What? I'm gonna be a parent?
- Why not? Yeah. - Why not?
Bitty, you got any idea what I got goin' on here?
I got my life savings dumped into this place, and I barely make payroll.
I got the fire department, the health department
double, triple fining me for shit I didn't even know I wasn't supposed to do.
My barback is stealing my tips,
and then...
I get to pick up Mom and Pop's prescriptions,
pick up their dry cleaning. Take them to church.
Here.
I filled out all the paperwork.
All he's gotta do is sign it.
- The Reminisce Neighborhood? - Yeah.
They're all called shit like that.
Here, put this in your purse.
You got your big girl pants on?
- What? - Just don't get how you get.
- What do you mean, how I get? Don't get how you get. - How do I get?
You can't even tell him you're not a Catholic anymore.
What's he gonna do, perform an exorcism?
That's because I'm tired of the third degree.
Yeah, you know what you do when Dad gives you the third degree?
Yeah. See, that's how you get.
All right.
So disgusting.
Hi, Dad.
- You smell like an ashtray, Nicholas. - Yeah,
it took you four heart attacks to quit.
Yeah, Rachel probably wants to throttle you.
- They broke up. - Ah.
- Just being honest. - Mmm.
I don't blame her.
Been on and off since high school,
shit or get off the pot.
Oh, gee, Dad, that's romantic.
- You know what your problem is? - Dad.
You're waiting for some feeling.
There's no bells and whistles.
You pick somebody you can stand, and you make a commitment.
- Dad. - Have her meet us at church tomorrow.
Marion-Down-The-Hall's coming over with a corned beef.
- Dad. - What?
We need to talk about Mom.
Goddamn teaching hospital.
That little girl should never have been left anywhere near your mother.
- What little girl? - The teenager pretending to be a doctor.
Your mother is doing fine.
So, wandering off in the middle of the night's doing fine?
Well, I gave her too much scotch, which I never do,
but it was Christmas Eve so I said, "What the hell."
So, what, she walked off 'cause she was drunk?
She can't drink hardly at all with the medication she's taking.
No, Dad, she walked off because that's what happens with stage six.
Those stages are horseshit, everybody's brain is different...
- Goddammit. - ...and everybody knows it.
- Everybody except the doctor? - She was not a doctor.
Okay, all right. So, we'll get a second opinion.
I got an appointment next week with her geriatrician down in Florida.
Oh, my God. Dad, you cannot go to Florida!
- You're gonna wake Mom. - We are too going to Florida.
I already put down a deposit.
Dad, listen.
There's this place that Nicky found,
and it looks like it could be a really...
I am not putting your mother in a nursing home.
She spent 30 years working in nursing homes.
They're horrible, and I'm not doing it to her.
Dad, It's not a nursing home, all right?
- It's Reminisce Neighborhood. - What?
Reminisce Neighborhood.
Yeah, it's great. They got Mass twice a week,
a restaurant, art classes, a Jacuzzi.
Jacuzzi?
Your mother can't swim. What do you want? To drown her?
You cannot drown in a Jacuzzi.
She's terrified of water Nicholas.
Yeah, she used to be terrified of Berwyn,
now she's walking around down there in her nightie.
Yeah.
Now there's a two bedroom right next door,
50 yards away in assisted living for you, okay.
Are you out of your mind?
Bitty feels the same way, right.
How the hell do you know what Bitty feels, how do you know?
Dad, I...
I think this is a solution worth considering.
Well, I've been thinking about this for eight years
and the answer is no.
Thank you for your suggestion. Merry Christmas. I'm going to bed.
- I tried. - She wandered off in the middle of a fucking snowstorm.
Doesn't snow in Florida.
And mind your language.
Strong, real strong.
I'm not going to force him.
You know why she wound up in Aurora?
'Cause that liner used to run to Amboy.
Her dad worked that train.
She was trying to go home.
She thinks she's still a little girl,
and she thinks her parents are worried sick about her.
And all she wants to do is get home to her poor mother.
She can't figure out why she's stuck here,
all alone, with some strange, old dude.
What the hell do you think power of attorney is for?
Goodnight.
I thought you went to bed.
I did. I got back up.
Nice tree.
Your mother likes the pictures.
She did something with the ornaments, so I got creative.
Come on, I'll let you win a game.
You're not too tired?
For my daughter who never visits?
Emma said she got kicked out of her dorm.
- What's that all about? - Yeah.
Yeah. She got caught drinking, so stupid.
But you know what her problem is?
She's negative. She doesn't get any exercise.
Oh. Her problem is she's not a student.
College is a waste of time, waste of money if you're not a student.
She's gotta get a degree.
No, she doesn't have to get a degree.
She'll figure it out. Look at you, you figured it out.
Why can't you sleep?
I can sleep.
I'm sorry. I ought to be here more often.
You're here plenty.
You got family, you got girls,
you got a husband, you got a job.
You live halfway across the country for Chrissake.
We're fine.
Marion-Down-The-Hall's helpful.
She takes mom on poker night and whatnot.
The two of them, a couple of peas in a pod.
Both battier than hell.
You take great care of her.
But it's gotta be hard on you.
Oh, Honey.
Your mother was always a pain in the ass.
Gettin' her Irish up, stompin' around,
all red in the face over God knows what.
There's no bells and whistles, Bit.
Love is commitment.
Better or worse,
sickness and health,
death do you part. That is the promise.
She's gonna get worse, Dad.
She's gonna forget everything.
She's my girl, Bit.
You can't take my girl away from me.
Shut the lights when you're done.
♪ Joy to the world The Lord has come ♪
♪ Let Earth receive her King ♪
♪ Let every heart Prepare Him room ♪
♪ And Heaven and nature sing ♪
What's that? Is it raining in here.
♪ And Heaven and nature sing ♪
♪ And Heaven ♪
What?
- Take care of yourself. - Thank you.
- Thanks, Father. - Yeah, you're welcome.
- Marion. - Beautiful homily, Father.
Bitty Everhardt?
It's Gerry.
Hoffsteader.
- Dommie's little brother, yeah. - Oh, yeah.
- Hey, I'm sorry about your mom. - Oh, thanks.
Get your sister.
You look great.
Uh, construction.
Yeah, I took over for Dad.
Bitty!
Hey, Nick.
Hey Ger.
- We gotta go. - Bye.
Grandma drank the Holy Water.
Well...
Well, at least she's hydrated.
God will forgive me.
- I'll see ya. - See ya, Ger.
- Who was that? - Nice to see you.
Gerry Hoff-sniffer.
- Don't call him that. - He used to beat off
sniffing his sister's Barbie dolls.
- Says who? - Says Dommie.
- Where's my purse? - I have it, Gram.
He used to be so tubby in junior high.
- So were you. - Yeah. Old Big Butt Bitty.
- Nicky. - Does somebody have my purse?
I have it, Gram.
Well, I'm gonna get my purse.
So I said, "Margie,
Margie, honey he's a toddler.
Of course he likes pancakes."
- What do you got, Dad? - Who doesn't like pancakes?
- I got the obituaries. - Bridget, you're so skinny.
- Why you reading obituaries? - I'm not in them.
Come on, cheer up. Well, yeah.
I guess that's something.
Thinner, honey. Here, just a little thinner.
Fine, you do it.
Come on. What's going on?
Come on.
I hungry.
This the age where it starts.
It's all about control.
Oh, beautiful. Thank you, Emma.
Bless us, O Lord, for these thy gifts which we are about to receive
from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, amen.
Amen.
So, Emma, you got a boyfriend?
She's got several actually.
Cool it, Nicky.
Just as easy to love a rich one
as a poor one, Squeaks.
No bells and whistles.
You know my Frankie died 17 years ago
and I never remarried,
although I had plenty of chances, and you know why?
Hand to God, 'cause Frankie never left.
Every single night he's right there next to me.
- Yeah. That's right. - Hand to God.
He's out there, and when he finds you, you watch out,
he's never gonna let you go.
So I said to Margie, "That kid's gonna be
big as house if you don't watch it."
But you know Margie. Oh, no. Mmm. Not a peep.
You know, I'm going to have a baby.
Kid's gonna wind up with diabetes.
Mmm. Mmm. Delicious.
So tender.
- What? What? - Nothing.
- What's matter with you two? - That's great news, Mom.
Yeah. Right?
Did you know this, Dad?
- I heard. - Did you know?
We saved all your old baby clothes.
Great. Number three.
Here.
There you go.
- Here. - Why did I get on that train?
I live here.
Oh, God. I don't know what's the matter with me.
Oh, yes. Yes I do.
Should I be in a home, do you think?
What do you think?
I don't know. I don't know.
Night, Mama.
Goodnight.
How's everything going there?
Terrible. Dad won't even consider it.
Well, I don't blame him. Nobody wants to be alone for the rest of their life.
Hello?
- Hello? - I'm sorry, I'm here.
So, hey. What's going on with Emma?
Nothing, you know. She's fine.
Well, you know she didn't register for next semester.
- What? - Her advisor called me this morning
saying she wasn't coming back.
All right, you're gonna love this next move.
- I think I'm going to raise you one candy. - Gross, get a fork.
One, two, three.
- Huh. Not bad. - Not bad. Yeah.
Oh, your grandma and I used to take a lot of road trips.
She loves road trips. This time we're going straight down to Florida,
then we're going across the country,
be up by you in time for Mary's wedding.
What?
- What are you, Thelma and Louise? - Shh. You're going to wake mom.
She does great in Florida, Nicholas, every year she's better.
- No, she isn't. - Yes.
- No. - How do you know?
Because that's not how it works.
How it works is she gets worse.
No matter where you take her, every year she gets worse.
- Okay? - Who?
- Who, honey? - Nobody, Mom.
- Nobody, sweetheart.
Why don't you go back to bed?
No. I don't wanna go to bed.
- I want to stay here. - I'll take you, Grandma. Come on.
- Come. - No, hold on.
- Why? - Come, come.
- Who's that? - Nick.
- Nicky. - Oh, what is that?
Do you know who that is?
Of course she does.
You know who I am, sweetheart.
He's my boyfriend.
- See? - What do you mean see?
You're her boyfriend? Is that what you are?
- Well, he's not, not her boyfriend. - No, he isn't!
- Well, he kinda is. - No.
- Who? - He is not. Emma, for Chrissake.
Yes, he is, Nicky!
- She knows who I am. - Who are you talking about?
You, sweetheart.
- Dad. - He's your husband, Grandma.
- Don't tell her, damn it. - She knows I'm her husband.
I know I'm his husband.
- You're my husband! - No, you don't, Mom.
- I do. - Yes, she does.
- Now you're telling her. - No, I'm not.
Yes, you are!
You just told her
that she didn't know I was her husband.
Because she doesn't!
She just told you she did!
Because Emma told her!
Answer the phone somebody.
- I'm getting it. - Thanks, honey. Answer that.
- I mean, she's... - Hello?
she's flipping people off in church, Dad.
- She's drinking the holy water. - So?
What do you mean so? You're the one... Oh, Goddamn it.
- You're a kid for Chrissake. - Hey, come on.
- Calm down. - This damn thing doesn't work.
You said you'd fix it a hundred times, you turkey.
It's not working.
- Grandma. - What?
It's a stapler.
It's a staple.
A stapler.
What the hell am I doing with this?
Oh, God.
Yeah, yuk it up.
It really is pretty hilarious, life's just one big riot.
Just ship me out. Put me on a canoe and ship me out to the ice float.
Shit.
- Hey. - What?
Hey, come back. Come here.
No.
You know what? Let me ask you something.
What'd you fly all the way out here for? Why?
Because Mom was missing.
No, because I asked you to.
Isn't that right? I asked you to.
I never do that, okay. But I need some help.
- I'm working on it, Nicky. - There's no time to work on it.
Jimmy Laciak is holding these spots. That's a big ass deal,
and he was supposed to have the paperwork two days ago.
- Okay. - You just rip the Band-Aid off
and say, "Guess what, we're coming in with moving boxes."
Okay.
Emma.
What?
Come for a run with me.
You'll feel great afterward, I'm telling you...
I'm casting my vote for you.
Well, there's my baby!
No, sit down.
You've got dye all over you.
Drink your protein drink, sweetheart.
Meet my boyfriend, Mr. Bossy.
- Do you need anything, honey? - No thanks. I'm fine, Mom.
She doesn't need anything. Drink your protein drink.
My protein... Ugh.
Oh, come on. It's just like a chocolate malt.
Oh, yeah. You wouldn't know a chocolate malt if it bit you in the hiney.
Because I was a fountain girl.
I was a good fountain girl.
In...
- Amboy. - Amboy, yeah.
My...
My father, consequently, works on the trains,
- and he's a... - Engineer.
An engineer, that's right,
and he was an engineer and he would get off the train
and he would bring me chocolate malts.
Yeah.
Oh, boy. Because I was sick. Yeah, I had...
You had Polio.
Polio. Yeah, I had Polio.
And then that's all I did all day was drink those chocolate malts,
and consequently I...
- Got fat. - Fat!
- Dad. - What?
She wasn't fat.
She was very fat.
Yeah, I was very, very fat.
And then I was a housewife,
- You were not. - No, you were a career woman, Ruth.
You were two-time Administrator of the Year.
Holy shit.
I knew that.
How do you two know each other?
She's our daughter, for Chrissake, Ruth.
I'm gonna get my purse.
Don't touch anything.
I'm not gonna touch anything.
I'm getting my purse.
We're going to Edna's for dinner tonight.
You feel like doing me a favor?
Here give me your hand.
- It's your turn. - Wait.
In here?
Rub that in your hair.
Yeah. There you go.
Don't get soap in your eyes, Mom.
Close your eyes.
You're so nice to do this for me.
You did it for me.
- Yeah. I did, didn't I? - Yeah.
Oh, God.
Nicky hated the bath. He would kick and scream.
Ah! Then I said, "Oh, to hell with it."
I just let him be dirty.
But you were a good girl.
I should've been a better mother.
You are a great mom.
Do I need to wash my hair?
No, you already did, you're done.
Wash your who-who.
Who-who.
Well, you got a cute little tushie.
Where's... give me that.
Do you have a boyfriend?
I have a husband.
Are you happy?
I'm lonely.
Do I need to wash my hair?
No, here. Mom, rinse your who-who.
- My who-who. - Yeah.
Oh, I don't wanna upset her.
- Who? - Whoever's shoes those are.
Those are your shoes, Mom. Here.
They are not. I...
Those are the ugliest things I've seen in my life.
Come on, Mom. Put your shoes on. Marion is waiting for you.
Marion. I'm going with you?
Yeah. Hey, doll.
Good. Hi.
Get the folder. Get the folder.
Just let me get dressed.
Did you go into my computer and log into my school account?
Somebody did.
Somebody went in and signed me up
for a bunch of random classes. That wasn't you?
No.
Liar.
How does it feel?
You lied to me about filling out your dorm application.
Because I didn't want you on me. Okay?
I didn't feel like dealing with your crazy hovering.
Were you ever going to do it?
Huh?
- Yes. - When?
When I decided whether or not I was going back.
- Okay? - Where's the...
Doesn't anybody know how to knock?
- Do you mind? - Hey, I'm not looking. Where's the folder?
- Nick. Why would you do that? - Come on.
- Would you get out here, Bitty. Damn it. - Just give me a minute!
God.
I am a grown up, okay?
God, you make me feel like there's something wrong with me.
- There's nothing wrong with you. - Yeah, I know.
I would have given anything to go to college, Emma.
I know.
You have no perspective.
You have no idea how lucky you are.
Do you think I'm trying to hate school?
You think I don't want to get out of bed in the morning?
That I like lying there feeling like a piece of shit for blowing it,
for wasting Dad's money?
Laying there thinking about how much you wanted to go
until I wanna throw myself out the window because I can't take it,
you think that's fun for me?
Honey. Why didn't you tell me?
'Cause you would just try to get me to go
on one of your stupid runs.
Like you're not a fucking mess.
I am not a mess.
This is ridiculous, Dad. Come on, This is silly. I know it's hard,
but I'm begging you, okay? This is the best memory care in Chicago!
Let me tell you something,
those pictures on the tree in there,
tell her how she takes her coffee,
how many ice cubes she likes in her scotch.
That's memory care.
I was there for every memory she made in last 60 years,
and if I wasn't there, I heard about it at least 37 times,
so I am the best memory care in Chicago!
I bathe her, I feed her,
I give her her pills, I wipe her ass
and I do it a hell of a lot better than some aide,
who does not give one goddamn hoot
about over who she spent 60 years becoming!
Put some clothes on, we're late.
And get rid of that thing.
I don't want your mother to see it. Goddamn it!
You couldn't have waited one minute, Nick?
Couldn't wait? Couldn't wait? What! What the fuck am I even doing?
Ah, Jesus.
What's the matter with you, huh?
- It's sad! - It's sad, Nicky, God!
Hey, hey, hey.
Calm down.
Just what are you, dead inside?
Almost.
I don't want to go to Edna's. I hate Edna.
All she ever does is talk about her stupid hip replacement.
Well then don't go.
Wanna stay with me?
- No. - Come on.
I'll just tell Dad you got menopause.
Hi. Is this Hoffsteader Construction?
Oh, yeah. Is this Gerry? Hi, it's Bitty.
Yeah. Hi. Hi, yeah, listen...
You guys don't happen to do locks, do you?
Shit.
I was thinking about a lock with the key,
but with the key on the inside, you know?
Yeah, yeah, all right. So, you know, you lock the door,
- hide the key from her. - Yeah, exactly.
Got it. It's smart. Uh...
Okay, yeah. Do you want this, back door, too?
- Yes, that would be great. - Okay.
If you have time, I don't want...
I got, for you, all the time in the world.
Uh, I mean, it's not gonna take all day.
- Okay. - It'll be like, about half hour.
- Okay. - Each.
- Um... - So, yeah.
Hey, do you want a... There's a sandwich...
There's corned beef from Marion-Down-The-Hall.
There's a lot of leftovers,
and I don't know, coffee or something.
- Yes. - Okay. Great. I'll just... I'll get it.
He's a fantastic guy. He really...
He really is.
It's just, you know. He's a checklist guy.
College, check. Corporate law, check.
Wife, kids, check, check, check.
Which is fine, you know, but I'm not.
And so, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be telling you all this stuff,
I just don't...
I don't... What is... What's...
Here.
I mean, I was 20 when we got married.
- Good God. - Yeah.
Oh, my... That's Emma's age.
- Yeah. - And she can barely tie her shoes.
And Mary.
Mary at 20, she thought she was a lesbian.
Now she's out in Sacramento with her fiancé.
Hey, you want...
- Want a cigarette? - Absolutely.
Oh, God. I haven't had a cigarette in like 20 years.
- These are my daughter's. - Thank you.
- I don't really drink either. - Don't jack 'em.
You really don't smoke.
Oh. I'm sorry.
Mm-hmm.
That's a trick.
- Mmm. Here. Yeah. - Thank you.
You know, everyone thinks being alone is so bad.
So... lonely. Mmm.
You know what's lonely?
Lying awake in the middle of the night thinking, "This is it.
This is the rest of my life, this is as good as it gets."
And then looking over at the man you've been married to
for the last 20 years and thinking, he must be awake, too.
Right?
He must be feeling the same way I am.
But looking over at him to see him sleeping like a baby?
That. That is lonely.
Yeah.
I get it.
- I'm divorced, too. - Oh. Um...
- I'm sorry. Listen I'm... - God you smell good.
You always fucking smell so good.
What? Oh.
- Wait, I'm sorry. - Hey, Ger!
What? Oh!
Whoops.
- 'Sup, Nick. - Hey.
What happened with Edna?
- She died. - What?
Yeah. She died this morning.
Nah, I'm just screwing with you. She's in the hospital.
Did you change the locks? Everybody's standing at the front door.
You should let them in.
Oh, shit.
Yup.
Shit. I'm just gonna get the door.
Hi. I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you, I had music on.
- The heck's going on in here? - Sorry, Dad.
- Smoking in here? - No.
- Are you my baby? - Smoking in my house?
- You are too smoking in my house. - No, I'm not, Dad.
- I am so happy to see you. - Oh, you, too.
What the heck are you wearing?
- Who? - Oh, I...
Is that your mother's good blouse?
- I got hot. - Whose mother?
I only had that sweater. You know? Hi, honey.
I just got it dry cleaned.
Who's that? Who is that?
- Who? - Who's who?
This.
That's Gerry Hoffsteader. Remember, Dad? From Mass.
Nice to see you again, Mr. Everhardt.
Dad, it's Gerry. Hoffsteader. He's a construction guy.
He did... Did you see the Hoffsteader Construction truck outside?
He's a construction guy. We haven't seen each other since, I don't know, like...
- Was it junior high? Right? - Yeah, junior high.
Yeah. Well except for Mass where you saw him. Where we all...
- What is so funny? - You're wearing Mom's blouse.
- We were just hanging out... - That's sexy.
...after he put the locks in.
Hey, you know Dad just got that dry cleaned.
...which is why I called him, was to put in locks
like they have at the Reminisce community.
No, it's a neighborhood.
So when you put that in, you know,
you lock it and you put the key,
you hide the key and that way she can't get out.
And then you guys can stay.
- What? - For now.
Well, as long as you don't go to Florida.
I know, you're the husband!
- Good, good. - No.
That's not...
Look everybody, look who I found.
- That's not the husband, Ruth. - Jesus.
That's not going to fix it.
Is he staying for dinner?
- Emma... - That's fine.
Yeah, I need to get going.
Hey, Gerry, thank you for your service.
Thanks for the service, Gerry.
Nice going.
I feel a lot safer now.
- Who was smoking in the house? - Emma!
Was it you?
No, Dad. I just came home with you.
- Emma. - Somebody was smoking in the house.
- Who was it? The guy? - Emma.
Or Princess Charming over there?
What do I owe you?
So you're not divorced.
No.
Five hundred, please.
Includes materials.
- It's Gerry with a G. - Yeah.
Thank you.
- Chemically sensitive, huh? - Shut up.
- Let me in, I'm freezing. - That's a nice bra, is that Ma's, too?
- Let me in. - No.
They can stay?
Hey! They can stay?
Yeah. For now.
When did you come up with that?
For now. God.
What?
Hey! Who the hell do you think you are, huh?
Queen Bitty, ladies and gentlemen,
she comes to town, spends three days, three fucking days,
throws in a lock, problem solved, what a genius!
Oh, boy! Why didn't I think of that?
Who do you think you are?
I'm not off the plane ten minutes
and you're telling me what I have to do
before I had a chance to evaluate the situation.
Who am I? Who am I?
I'm the one who's here. Okay?
- I'm the one who gets the call... - God, get out of my face.
...in the middle of the night. I'm the one with the geriatrician on speed dial
The fact that you got power of attorney
is the biggest, stinkiest pile of favoritist bullshit I ever heard.
Damn it.
Hey.
You don't even know the code, that's funny.
- Fuck. - Hey, why don't we get Gerry back here?
He can change the locks, and then I'll take Emma to the mall
and you two can go at it.
- You know why I got power of attorney? - Why?
Because you're an asshole, that's why. You are an asshole.
Uh-uh.
You got power of attorney 'cause you're a chicken shit.
He knew you'd never use it.
You been letting him tell you what to do your whole life.
- I have not. - Oh, yeah?
Let me ask you something. Why did you marry Eddie?
Because I didn't know who I was. Okay?
And Mom had her big career, and I was the housekeeper.
- Oh, my goodness. - Who do you think
got food on the table, huh? Who ironed your...
- Fenwick shirts? - Who put a gun to your head?
Somebody had to do it. Somebody had to fucking do it Nick, and I was the girl.
No, Bitty, you're not a victim, all right? You're not a martyr.
Nobody forced you to obey, okay? You got to grow up
and don't be so terrified. Stop being a liar.
- I am not a liar. - You've been lying for so long
that you don't even know the difference between the truth,
and what you want everybody to think is the truth.
Our parents live here.
She doesn't know the code.
You ought to visit them once in a while.
- Who are you, the guilt monger? - Nicky.
I know you. You're the one who smokes so close to my rosebushes.
Go sit on your rosebushes.
Nicky. I'm so sorry.
For what? What are you sorry for?
- Shut up. - Shame on him.
- I'm so sorry. - It was rude.
I can't believe this. So rude.
At least I don't bulldoze people.
I'm not some bully telling everyone what to do,
saying, "You, you, you, let me tell you what's wrong with you
so you never see what's wrong with me!"
At least I don't blame Mom and Dad for all my bullshit.
Excuse me? Didn't you just blame them for your entire shitty 20-year marriage?
At least I had the guts to try,
to try to love somebody, to let somebody love me.
At least I have something.
Oh, I got plenty, honey, believe me.
- Yeah. - Mm-hmm.
You got a bar.
Get in the house.
I can hear you all the way down the hall.
Why don't you tell me the truth?
Why did you give Bit the power of attorney?
Because you're a hothead like your mother.
No, no, no. No, it's because you're selfish.
You know why they get better in memory care?
Because they don't have people in their face all the time
saying, "Don't forget me, please don't forget me,
you're losing your mind."
The one blessing of this disease
is that they don't remember that they don't remember.
Until you go and tell them.
You think you're a doctor or something?
- What the hell do you know? - Oh, my God.
You're a goddamn bartender...
- I'm a bar... - ...who almost graduated from college.
- Almost. - I'm a bar owner, Dad.
- You tend the bar? - I own the bar. I own it.
- You tend it or not? - Yeah. Yeah.
- I tend it! I tend the bar that I own. - You're a bartender.
Okay? I know it's a real bummer,
I hear you loud and clear, Pop,
it's a real shit deal you have to admit that
to your fucking poker players.
- Watch your language. - Watch my language?
- Yes. - All right.
You know what?
She hit on me the other night.
Yeah, Mom.
She hit on me. I had to sit there and explain to her that I was her son.
You should have seen the look on her face.
I'm done. They're all yours, Bit. Godspeed.
There's a man in my bed.
It's Dad.
I sleep with our dad?
Yeah.
Oh.
Stay in bed, honey.
You're a turkey.
Mmm. You're a turkey.
Hi, um, your father just called me.
He said you're coming home tonight? Give me a call.
Is that my baby?
I don't want it.
It's coffee.
I don't want it!
- Of course you want it. Have it. - I am a grown-up!
If I don't want the coffee, I don't want the coffee!
All right.
What did you tell him?
Who?
- Nobody, sweetheart. - It's okay, Mom.
Go watch Popeye, honey.
I told him I bought you plane tickets and to pick you up at the airport.
That's what I told him.
Floozin' around with some construction bozo.
I don't even know who you are!
He put locks in, and you're welcome by the way.
What am I, some kind of horse's ass?
Eddie is as much a son to me as your brother is.
You know, I think you like Eddie more than you like me,
or my brother for that matter.
For Chrissake, Bitty, what kind of thing is that to say?
Get dressed. We're leaving in an hour.
All my life you've been telling me there's no bells and whistles.
There's no bells and whistles.
There isn't.
How can you say that?
You have more bells and whistles than anybody.
I mean, she's losing her mind and you still can't live without her.
Didn't you want that for me?
Of course I wanted that for you,
that's all I want for you.
Why do you think I'm sending you home?
Dad.
Bit.
Love is commitment, you work at it.
Go home to your husband and ask yourself why you married him in the first place.
I married him because you told me I couldn't do better.
You couldn't! Eddie is a home run!
Your wedding was the best day of my life,
walking you down the aisle to a man who I thought might deserve you.
You know what your problem is?
California!
That's what. Everybody out there,
flowin' in the wind, reinventing. What the heck is that?
You are who you are. I am a father, a husband, a Catholic.
I know it because I am it. I never had to think about it.
But there is no reason to be unhappy with a perfectly good marriage.
I don't have what you have.
Yes, you do.
Don't you think we had rough periods?
You ought to go talk to a priest!
I'm not a Catholic anymore.
Well, there's your problem right there.
How do you know?
How do you always know what my problem is?
Do I do that to you? Did I march in here and say,
"She's going in a home, if you don't like it, go talk to a priest?"
I listened to you, Dad. I asked you what you wanted
and I fought like hell to get it for you because you matter to me.
What you want matters to me. Why don't I matter to you?
Mom was a feminist, for Chrissake.
Why didn't anyone ever ask me what I wanted?
Honey. We did ask you what you wanted.
You said you couldn't wait to be a mother.
Is Grandma in here?
- No. - Oh, shit.
What?
Oh, Goddamn it!
Damn it!
Maybe she's upstairs. I'll go check.
Ruth!
Mom!
I got her.
She's at Marion's.
Dad!
Dad. Are you okay?
Is it your heart? Dad?
Come on. Come on.
Okay.
I'll stay.
I'll stay and help.
So, I'll come back at the end of the month to help you get moved.
Thank you, Bitty. You bet. We'll be fine.
Am I going with you?
You're coming out here to give me a hug.
Ah.
Where should we...
Here. What's wrong?
I'm going to see you in a couple weeks.
I won't be here.
Yeah? Where are you going?
I expect my mother will want me back by then.
Yeah? Don't you think?
Hop in, Ruth, it's cold.
Here, here's your seatbelt.
My shoes don't match my purse.
Love you, Bit.
Love you, Dad.
Bye, Mom.
So, how was it?
Fine.
Hmm.
And your dad's all set? He's got all the paperwork signed?
Yeah.
Mom moves in the first.
Good.
Nick's got to be happy,
being right for the first time in his life.
Poor guy.
Did you, um...
You register for classes?
Mm-hmm.
Good. Good.
- What are you doing? - Just let me.
I'm sorry.
I just look at you and all I see is my baby.
I know.
You don't have to go back if you don't want.
I can't stay here, Mom.
I know.
Do a Manhattan?
Yeah.
Damn good Manhattan, Nicholas.
Is it, is it Christmas?
You got drunk at Christmas.
- I did not. - Yes you did. Grab those presents...
- and come on over. - Oh!
- Here. - Yes.
There you go.
And now we, we'll have Christmas. I'll go first?
Yeah.
- Uh, what could this be? - Who gave that to you?
You did, you turkey.
- Yeah, all right. - I...
- There it is. - I'll help.
- I'll help, too. - There we go.
I...
There we are, you're good at that.
- Look what it is! - Oh!
- Macadamias. - You like those.
- My favorite kind, too. - Yeah.
Thank you, honey. Thank you.
Okay, all right, you're next.
- Here. - It's from you.
Yes, it is.
There you go.
Okay, open it up.
Go ahead.
Oh!
Oh.
And I want you to look inside because
there's something here.
You know who that is?
Oh, yes. It's you and me.
It's you and me. So...
in the new place, when you forget,
just look at it.
All right?
I'm so sorry, Bertie.
Oh, sweet baby, don't... don't worry about it.
Don't worry a bit. Don't. I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Hey.
Who is Gerry Hoffsteader?
Who?
You didn't write him a check for 500 bucks?
Oh, yes. He's a construction guy.
He did, um... he put locks in my parents' place.
What, he change every lock in the whole building?
I know. He was... It was expensive. I'm sorry.
I got you a little something.
Thank you.
Oh. Um...
I think you got this for me before.
No, no, I... they said that one's different.
Open it.
Thank you.
I thought if I upgraded the diamond,
you would stop leaving it with the pennies in the car.
Shit.
Hello?
Yeah.
Nicky?
Oh.
This looks like a wake. Is this... Is this a wake?
Yeah, that's what... that's what I thought it was.
And I think that maybe... Excuse me.
Hey. How we doing?
Should we take her home?
- Do you want to go? - No. I...
I cannot figure out, for the life of me, whose... whose wake is it.
I can't.
"Norbert."
How could I have forgotten that?
Oh.
Pretty. What's the matter?
My dad grew up on a farm in a small town called Amboy.
He met Ruth O'Shea at an ice cream social
and had a thing for her ever since.
Even though she wouldn't give him the time of day.
After high school, he went off to Korea
and when he took leave and came home,
his mom told him that poor Ruthie O'Shea had gotten polio
and hadn't been out of bed for six months.
So, he marched over there and picked her up
right out of bed. And carried her in his arms.
- To the movies. - To the movies.
To the movies.
He never let her go.
He couldn't live without her.
This was the perfect time.
Any later...
I'd have forgotten him.
Any earlier, I'd have missed him too much.
Right now is perfect.
I'll hardly ever know the difference.
You hate the car.
All right. That's horseshit. I don't hate the car.
I mean, how the hell would you even get it to California?
I'm going to drive it.
With Mom.
What?
It's my turn.
I found a great place near me.
It's hard, Bit. It's really, really hard, you know?
It's harder than having your hands in raw poultry all day.
I know. That's why it's my turn.
Well, I hope you have AAA.
I was a fountain girl all my life.
My father would bring me chocolate malts.
Yum.
I had polio.
Yeah.
And consequently, I got...
- Fat? - Fat! Yeah!
Who lives here?
You.
Look at that.
Who's missing? Somebody's missing. Somebody's missing.
Look at this.
That's my boyfriend.
He's at home. He's waiting. He's waiting for me.
He's always hanging around. That turkey.
You got a boyfriend?
No.
Well, he's out there.
You watch out.
Once he's found you, he's never gonna let you go.
- Oh, yeah. - You follow that sign.
They were pretty. Do you see how they light up?
- Yeah. - Different looking.
Where are we? Where are we going? Where's my purse?
I have your purse.
I have it.
- Love you. - Love you.
Oh, is that my baby?
Hi, Ms. Ruth.
Do you have a boyfriend?
Mine, mine, mine...
Oh, look at that little one.
- Hi, baby. - Waiting for the bus. It's coming.
- Almost home. - Yeah. You look great.
You too.
She's so nice. I used to go to school with her.
You know what?
I think if your boyfriend comes in
when my boyfriend comes in,
we could have fun. We could have a party. What do you think?
Hello.
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