1
00:00:28,706 --> 00:00:44,406
<font color="#ffff80"><b>Fixed & Synced by bozxphd.Enjoy The Flick</b></font>

2
00:00:46,707 --> 00:00:48,264
<i>Matthew!</i>

3
00:00:49,242 --> 00:00:52,212
<i>Hey!</i>

4
00:00:52,213 --> 00:00:53,903
Where are you?

5
00:00:57,418 --> 00:00:59,709
Matthew! Hello!

6
00:01:01,222 --> 00:01:02,789
Stupid, dumb shithead!

7
00:01:02,790 --> 00:01:04,156
♪ Lot of snags ♪

8
00:01:04,157 --> 00:01:06,159
♪ Lot of holes lot of cracks ♪

9
00:01:06,160 --> 00:01:09,297
♪ Lot of crags ♪

10
00:01:09,298 --> 00:01:11,132
God!

11
00:01:11,133 --> 00:01:13,668
Matthew, are you gonna fuck me, or what?

12
00:01:13,669 --> 00:01:15,770
On it like a bonnet. On it like
a bonnet. On it like a bonnet.

13
00:01:15,771 --> 00:01:19,638
- Alright, fight club, what the hell is going on here?
- I'm a guest!

14
00:01:19,639 --> 00:01:22,376
Unless someone signed you into
the building. You are not a guest.

15
00:01:22,377 --> 00:01:25,412
- <i>Alright? Please.</i>
- Aw, man! I miss my friend.

16
00:01:25,413 --> 00:01:27,148
- Don't take that tack with me.
- My friend lives here...

17
00:01:27,149 --> 00:01:28,180
Please don't put me in this position.

18
00:01:28,181 --> 00:01:29,383
Why are you doing this?

19
00:01:29,384 --> 00:01:31,352
<i>I'm gonna have to call
the campus police.</i>

20
00:01:31,353 --> 00:01:33,385
Well... uh, now, Jordan,
uh, she's my guest.

21
00:01:33,387 --> 00:01:34,722
- Uh, my...
- She's your guest, Harper?

22
00:01:34,723 --> 00:01:36,257
Yeah, yeah, uh, yeah.

23
00:01:36,258 --> 00:01:37,656
She's, uh... Hi, Stephanie... hi, uh...

24
00:01:37,657 --> 00:01:40,560
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Stephanie. Thank you. Mm-hmm.

25
00:01:40,561 --> 00:01:43,364
Stephanie... Sanders.

26
00:01:43,365 --> 00:01:44,831
Stephanie Sanders. Right here.

27
00:01:44,832 --> 00:01:46,832
- Take care of her, okay?
- Oh, yeah. No, I got this.

28
00:01:46,833 --> 00:01:48,736
This is all taken care of. You
don't have to worry about that.

29
00:01:48,737 --> 00:01:50,237
- Thank you.
- Okay.

30
00:01:50,238 --> 00:01:51,772
- Thanks, man. Sorry.
- Thank you.

31
00:01:51,773 --> 00:01:55,276
- Oh, rock and roll.
- What?

32
00:01:55,277 --> 00:01:57,612
- I said, rock and roll.
- Oh.

33
00:01:57,613 --> 00:01:59,546
Alright, this is uh... This is us.

34
00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:03,272
"Us." You're funny.

35
00:02:08,321 --> 00:02:09,457
Nice porn.

36
00:02:09,458 --> 00:02:11,313
Ha ha. Yeah. Ha...

37
00:02:12,527 --> 00:02:13,983
Nice panties.

38
00:02:15,495 --> 00:02:17,298
- Who are you?
- I'm Jake.

39
00:02:17,299 --> 00:02:18,933
Lainey.

40
00:02:18,934 --> 00:02:20,734
It's a nickname they give
to people named Elaine.

41
00:02:20,735 --> 00:02:21,903
<i>Elaine's great name.</i>

42
00:02:21,904 --> 00:02:24,804
- It's like, Elaine! Elaine...
- Hey!

43
00:02:24,805 --> 00:02:29,409
If you ever even mention The Graduate
again, I will slit your throat.

44
00:02:29,410 --> 00:02:33,136
Okay, Lainey. Glad we got that cleared up.

45
00:02:34,415 --> 00:02:36,917
Welcome to my Thursday night. Huh?

46
00:02:36,918 --> 00:02:39,387
You, uh... You wanna watch porn?

47
00:02:39,388 --> 00:02:40,877
Smoke drugs?

48
00:02:41,422 --> 00:02:44,292
Ugh! This sucks!

49
00:02:44,293 --> 00:02:46,861
- Mm.
- You know what I was gonna do tonight?

50
00:02:46,862 --> 00:02:49,429
Judging from your outfit,
I'd say scale a mountain?

51
00:02:49,430 --> 00:02:51,298
- Lose my virginity.
- <i>Hold on a second...</i>

52
00:02:51,299 --> 00:02:53,466
You were gonna lose your
virginity to Matthew Sobvechik

53
00:02:53,467 --> 00:02:55,570
in 11B at Wein Dormitory?

54
00:02:55,571 --> 00:02:58,271
He's the TA in my pre-med bio class.

55
00:02:58,272 --> 00:03:00,975
I'm deliberately failing to
get work sessions with him.

56
00:03:00,976 --> 00:03:04,376
We fool around after he teaches
me things I already know.

57
00:03:04,378 --> 00:03:06,947
Jesus! How Matthew Sobvechik managed to bag

58
00:03:06,948 --> 00:03:09,281
such a delightfully unhinged hottie

59
00:03:09,282 --> 00:03:11,953
by being the most boring, fucking guy

60
00:03:11,954 --> 00:03:15,356
on this entire floor is beyond me.

61
00:03:15,357 --> 00:03:17,959
- Well, I'm in love with him.
- <i>Come on.</i>

62
00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:19,726
There's no way you love Matthew Sobvechik

63
00:03:19,727 --> 00:03:21,928
the Pontiac Aztec of people.

64
00:03:21,929 --> 00:03:24,398
Lainey, you having sex
with Matthew Sobvechik

65
00:03:24,399 --> 00:03:26,565
is basically the same thing

66
00:03:26,566 --> 00:03:29,469
as me telling an Aborigine
in the Australian outback

67
00:03:29,470 --> 00:03:30,837
<i>that he's about to
listen to the Beatles</i>

68
00:03:30,838 --> 00:03:33,374
<i>for the first time, and then
I play him Blues Traveler.</i>

69
00:03:33,375 --> 00:03:35,643
That's a cruel joke, for I
will have just tricked him

70
00:03:35,644 --> 00:03:37,944
into thinking Blues Traveler

71
00:03:37,945 --> 00:03:40,846
is the greatest band of all time, okay?

72
00:03:40,847 --> 00:03:44,483
Now, if you were to sleep
with Matthew Sobvechik

73
00:03:44,484 --> 00:03:47,454
you would be addicted to mediocrity
for the rest of your life.

74
00:03:47,455 --> 00:03:49,656
<i>And that barely
covered vagina of yours</i>

75
00:03:49,657 --> 00:03:51,524
<i>deserves better than that.</i>

76
00:03:51,525 --> 00:03:55,796
It doesn't deserve John Popper,
it deserves John Lennon. Okay?

77
00:03:55,797 --> 00:03:57,497
You understand me?

78
00:03:57,498 --> 00:04:01,290
I'm talkin' about, like, the
"White Album", not "Hook."

79
00:04:03,305 --> 00:04:04,839
Tell me what sex is like.

80
00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:07,541
Oh, my God! You've got a one track mind.

81
00:04:07,542 --> 00:04:09,744
Fuck you. Enlighten me.

82
00:04:09,745 --> 00:04:11,379
You want me to tell you
what sex is like, huh?

83
00:04:11,380 --> 00:04:14,204
- Mm-hmm. Tell me.
- Okay.

84
00:04:14,949 --> 00:04:17,050
Better be ready.

85
00:04:17,051 --> 00:04:19,586
- You ready?
- Yes.

86
00:04:19,587 --> 00:04:21,521
Sex is like, uh...

87
00:04:21,522 --> 00:04:24,725
It's like kissing with your entire body.

88
00:04:24,726 --> 00:04:27,294
Very sensual experience.

89
00:04:27,295 --> 00:04:30,564
It's like shooting heroin
in a... in a controlled yet

90
00:04:30,565 --> 00:04:33,400
moist environment, you know?

91
00:04:33,401 --> 00:04:35,369
You know what it's like ...it's
like... it's like Times Square at night.

92
00:04:35,370 --> 00:04:39,429
I mean... just the right tinge of danger.

93
00:04:40,509 --> 00:04:41,965
Sorry.

94
00:04:46,415 --> 00:04:48,104
Oh, my God.

95
00:04:48,483 --> 00:04:49,774
What?

96
00:04:51,353 --> 00:04:52,886
Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

97
00:04:52,887 --> 00:04:56,590
Yeah. So I haven't technically...

98
00:04:56,591 --> 00:04:59,527
actually really done it yet.

99
00:04:59,528 --> 00:05:01,028
Why're you laughing at me? That's not...

100
00:05:01,029 --> 00:05:02,797
But you're so old.

101
00:05:02,798 --> 00:05:05,799
Fuck you. I didn't call you an old virgin.

102
00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:09,003
I'm not... I'm shocked.
I'm shocked. You're so cute.

103
00:05:09,004 --> 00:05:10,937
Why're you giving me shit?

104
00:05:10,938 --> 00:05:13,773
Y-you can't get the most boring dude

105
00:05:13,774 --> 00:05:16,509
in the dorm to sleep with you.

106
00:05:16,510 --> 00:05:18,745
You know... that... I
mean, that's ridiculous.

107
00:05:18,746 --> 00:05:20,436
You're the one that's should be...

108
00:05:23,985 --> 00:05:26,020
No, I'm... I'm sorry.

109
00:05:26,021 --> 00:05:27,854
I... I'm... I'm...

110
00:05:27,855 --> 00:05:29,422
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset.

111
00:05:29,423 --> 00:05:30,657
I thought... I was just joking around.

112
00:05:30,658 --> 00:05:33,148
You know, I thought we were
joking around. So I was joking.

113
00:05:36,464 --> 00:05:38,732
This was all, just very romantic

114
00:05:38,733 --> 00:05:41,124
and then you just fucked it up.

115
00:05:44,038 --> 00:05:45,528
It was?

116
00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:07,061
What is this?

117
00:06:07,062 --> 00:06:08,763
Get it off.

118
00:06:08,764 --> 00:06:10,220
Jesus.

119
00:06:15,103 --> 00:06:17,927
I'm so, so sweaty. All this on...

120
00:06:21,843 --> 00:06:23,131
You're incredible.

121
00:06:24,678 --> 00:06:27,269
You're gonna drive some guy crazy some day.

122
00:06:28,884 --> 00:06:30,550
♪ ...smile upon you ♪♪

123
00:06:30,551 --> 00:06:32,085
- Okay. Alright.
- Mm-hmm.

124
00:06:32,086 --> 00:06:33,475
- Here we go?
- Mm-hmm.

125
00:06:46,566 --> 00:06:49,202
♪ That girl's stuck in your head ♪

126
00:06:49,203 --> 00:06:52,071
♪ Let down your...
and make them stare ♪

127
00:06:52,072 --> 00:06:53,106
♪ You know it's not too late... ♪

128
00:06:53,107 --> 00:06:55,876
Hey! Hey, Hannah!

129
00:06:55,877 --> 00:06:58,612
Hannah!

130
00:06:58,613 --> 00:07:00,181
♪ 'Cause it's a thrill to give you ♪

131
00:07:00,182 --> 00:07:01,448
♪ What you want ♪

132
00:07:01,449 --> 00:07:03,216
♪ It's everything you dreamed of ♪

133
00:07:03,217 --> 00:07:04,518
♪ What you want ♪

134
00:07:04,519 --> 00:07:06,619
♪ I can remiss... ♪

135
00:07:06,620 --> 00:07:07,787
♪ What you want ♪

136
00:07:07,788 --> 00:07:11,025
♪ If you just don't blow it ♪

137
00:07:11,026 --> 00:07:14,226
♪ Everything's going down ♪

138
00:07:14,227 --> 00:07:18,833
♪ Everything's blowing but
you just can't stop it ♪♪

139
00:07:18,834 --> 00:07:21,167
- Hannah!
- Leave me alone!

140
00:07:21,168 --> 00:07:24,170
- Oh, come on. Look, I could do this all the way to Brooklyn...
- Fuck you.

141
00:07:24,171 --> 00:07:26,840
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Easy. Easy.

142
00:07:26,841 --> 00:07:29,008
Hey, did you see me take out
that cab? Sydney Bristow style?

143
00:07:29,009 --> 00:07:31,510
Thank God you stopped,
okay? Please. Please...

144
00:07:31,511 --> 00:07:33,746
- You're disgusting.
- I'm... okay. Maybe you're right.

145
00:07:33,747 --> 00:07:35,615
- You might be right.
- How could you fuck her, Jake?

146
00:07:35,616 --> 00:07:38,818
I look, sorry, I... Ow! Ooh! That got me!

147
00:07:38,819 --> 00:07:40,688
How could you even kiss
me after you fucked her?

148
00:07:40,689 --> 00:07:42,154
What are we doing in
the middle of the street?

149
00:07:42,155 --> 00:07:43,990
Ugh! Because I hope we fucking die!

150
00:07:43,992 --> 00:07:47,061
Will you get... whoa!
Fuckin' please, come on!

151
00:07:47,062 --> 00:07:50,564
Let's get off the street, okay?
Okay, look, look, look, look, look.

152
00:07:50,565 --> 00:07:55,235
Hey. Hey, hey, hey, I appreciate
your anger, I really do, okay.

153
00:07:55,236 --> 00:07:57,972
And Lord knows, I could use the exercise

154
00:07:57,973 --> 00:08:01,040
but I do believe there are exactly
3 points we should discuss, okay?

155
00:08:01,041 --> 00:08:04,277
First off, in our initial
conversations about exclusivity

156
00:08:04,278 --> 00:08:08,081
I distinctly recall you saying
something about "staying casual," yeah?

157
00:08:08,082 --> 00:08:09,649
- I only said that...
- Most likely because you thought

158
00:08:09,651 --> 00:08:11,084
that was what I wanted to hear, yes?

159
00:08:11,085 --> 00:08:14,121
- Yes.
- Okay. Well, me taking you at your word

160
00:08:14,122 --> 00:08:16,923
doesn't make me an asshole, it
does however make you a liar.

161
00:08:16,924 --> 00:08:18,657
Ugh! You're such a piece of shit...

162
00:08:18,658 --> 00:08:21,560
Hey. Second... second point. Okay?

163
00:08:21,561 --> 00:08:24,064
If you really, actually wanted monogamy

164
00:08:24,065 --> 00:08:27,535
why have casual sex
with me for three months?

165
00:08:27,536 --> 00:08:30,804
You know, I mean, If you wanna grow
flowers, you don't plant 'em in a closet.

166
00:08:30,805 --> 00:08:35,975
So either you're stupid or deep down
inside you don't want monogamy either.

167
00:08:35,976 --> 00:08:38,078
You fucked my best friend.

168
00:08:38,079 --> 00:08:40,613
Which brings me to my
third and final point.

169
00:08:40,614 --> 00:08:43,750
Your chief complaint is
not that I screwed someone

170
00:08:43,751 --> 00:08:45,718
it is <i>who</i> I screwed.

171
00:08:45,719 --> 00:08:47,621
That's what it's about, right?

172
00:08:47,622 --> 00:08:50,623
So much like your, uh,
the counter-intuitive plan

173
00:08:50,624 --> 00:08:52,660
to secure an exclusive relationship

174
00:08:52,661 --> 00:08:54,828
with a guy that you
don't actually wanna date.

175
00:08:54,829 --> 00:08:57,130
<i>Moi.</i> Your issue with me and Sarah...

176
00:08:57,131 --> 00:08:58,366
- Do not say her name.
- Was a lot...

177
00:08:58,367 --> 00:09:02,803
Your issue with us is purely
driven by a societal insecurity.

178
00:09:02,804 --> 00:09:06,740
Not to mention, a culturally
infused female competition.

179
00:09:06,741 --> 00:09:09,043
Oh! My heart goes out to you ladies.

180
00:09:09,044 --> 00:09:11,977
Baby, you're a bad liar.

181
00:09:11,978 --> 00:09:14,346
You're not stupid.

182
00:09:14,347 --> 00:09:18,017
And she can't hold a candle to you.

183
00:09:18,018 --> 00:09:19,819
Can we please go home?

184
00:09:19,820 --> 00:09:22,088
Please?

185
00:09:22,089 --> 00:09:24,024
You know, get out of these wet clothes.

186
00:09:24,025 --> 00:09:26,449
And dry each other off using friction.

187
00:09:29,763 --> 00:09:30,896
Yeah?

188
00:09:30,897 --> 00:09:33,732
- Yeah.
- Good.

189
00:09:33,734 --> 00:09:34,790
Whoa!

190
00:09:39,340 --> 00:09:42,141
- You got a girlfriend, Charles?
- No.

191
00:09:42,142 --> 00:09:45,044
Playing the field, hmm?

192
00:09:45,045 --> 00:09:47,714
Be careful.

193
00:09:47,715 --> 00:09:49,505
- You know?
- Why?

194
00:09:51,651 --> 00:09:53,708
I don't know if I have time to answer that.

195
00:09:59,127 --> 00:10:02,630
Wow. Bathroom fucking stinks.

196
00:10:02,631 --> 00:10:05,932
Um, what were we talking
about? So I said to Jack.

197
00:10:05,933 --> 00:10:09,302
I said, "Jack, Lainey and
I, we're looking to buy."

198
00:10:09,303 --> 00:10:11,905
Maybe have a kid."

199
00:10:11,906 --> 00:10:14,007
I hope it's okay that
I said that, by the way.

200
00:10:14,008 --> 00:10:16,043
I mean, you haven't changed
your mind or anything, have you?

201
00:10:16,044 --> 00:10:18,211
Because I know you don't
wanna get married, but you know

202
00:10:18,212 --> 00:10:20,713
I do think it's important we make
some sort of commitment to each other

203
00:10:20,714 --> 00:10:24,683
and I think buying a
place, maybe Kensington

204
00:10:24,684 --> 00:10:26,686
maybe Prospect Heights.

205
00:10:26,688 --> 00:10:29,054
What's up, little nugget, what
are you doing with the notebook?

206
00:10:29,056 --> 00:10:31,724
Sam. I have to read you something.

207
00:10:31,725 --> 00:10:34,261
You've been writing again?

208
00:10:34,262 --> 00:10:36,796
- Sweetie, that's great!
- No...

209
00:10:36,797 --> 00:10:38,130
- I was never writing.
- Honey, yes!

210
00:10:38,131 --> 00:10:40,400
- It was one short story...
- Yes! That is great!

211
00:10:40,401 --> 00:10:42,301
No, listen. Listen...

212
00:10:42,302 --> 00:10:44,038
I wanna tell you something, look at me.

213
00:10:44,039 --> 00:10:47,207
Look at me, okay? I know you love teaching.

214
00:10:47,208 --> 00:10:50,176
But that's not a real thing. I
mean, this is great. This is...

215
00:10:50,177 --> 00:10:52,245
Can you please just not interrupt
me while I read this, please.

216
00:10:52,246 --> 00:10:54,346
- Just listen to it. Let me get through all of it.
- I won't.

217
00:10:54,347 --> 00:10:56,149
I don't think I interrupt you, but go on.

218
00:10:56,150 --> 00:10:57,984
- Don't.
- I don't.

219
00:10:57,986 --> 00:11:00,420
- Please don't interrupt.
- I would love to hear it.

220
00:11:00,421 --> 00:11:02,578
- Okay, mister.
- Wow me.

221
00:11:04,191 --> 00:11:05,780
- Sam.
- Lainey.

222
00:11:09,196 --> 00:11:14,434
"My therapist suggested that
I attend a 12 step program"

223
00:11:14,435 --> 00:11:16,937
for recovery from a love addiction

224
00:11:16,938 --> 00:11:18,338
"and romantic obsession..."

225
00:11:18,339 --> 00:11:20,741
I'm sorry... beep, beep,
squeak, um, hello...

226
00:11:20,742 --> 00:11:22,808
Did you say "Love addiction?"

227
00:11:22,809 --> 00:11:25,212
- "And romantic obsession..."
- Sweetie. Sweetie.

228
00:11:25,213 --> 00:11:28,214
- You might as well face it, you're addicted to love.
- "Obsession..."

229
00:11:28,215 --> 00:11:30,384
- Huey Lewis.
- No, it's Robert Palmer.

230
00:11:30,385 --> 00:11:32,018
"That I've had for the last 10 years.

231
00:11:32,020 --> 00:11:35,121
"As a result I have been
able to stay faithful to you

232
00:11:35,122 --> 00:11:37,189
- "for the past 6 months..."
- Okay, let me just stop you because...

233
00:11:37,190 --> 00:11:41,261
- I feel like...
- Sam, I'm trying to tell you something.

234
00:11:41,262 --> 00:11:43,163
- I know. I would love to hear what you're telling me.
- Sam.

235
00:11:43,164 --> 00:11:46,033
- Can you listen to what I'm saying to you...
- I'm trying to.

236
00:11:46,034 --> 00:11:48,367
Yeah. I'm listening.

237
00:11:48,368 --> 00:11:51,038
"I wanna move forward in our
relationship in an honest way."

238
00:11:51,039 --> 00:11:56,343
Oh, I know it. Bein' Honest ...honest,
critical appraisal is the foundation...

239
00:11:56,344 --> 00:11:58,433
Sam, I cheated on you.

240
00:12:13,126 --> 00:12:14,951
You cheated on me?

241
00:12:19,767 --> 00:12:22,857
Baby, how many times?

242
00:12:25,906 --> 00:12:27,230
16.

243
00:12:33,281 --> 00:12:34,915
I don't even know 16 guys.

244
00:12:34,916 --> 00:12:36,916
- 16 guys...
- No, the same guy.

245
00:12:36,917 --> 00:12:38,841
16 times.

246
00:12:41,255 --> 00:12:42,322
- Who?
- It doesn't matter...

247
00:12:42,323 --> 00:12:44,024
- Tell me who.
- It doesn't...

248
00:12:44,025 --> 00:12:46,025
- My brother?
- No.

249
00:12:46,026 --> 00:12:47,461
- Was it my brother?
- No.

250
00:12:47,462 --> 00:12:48,395
- Was it my brother?
- Stop.

251
00:12:48,396 --> 00:12:50,163
You know I'm not attracted to your brother.

252
00:12:50,164 --> 00:12:51,564
Who's so fuckin' hot?

253
00:12:51,565 --> 00:12:54,266
Who is better than my brother?

254
00:12:54,267 --> 00:12:56,068
- I'm not gonna tell you...
- I deserve to know.

255
00:12:56,069 --> 00:12:57,069
- No, I'm...
- I deserve to know.

256
00:12:57,070 --> 00:13:00,273
I've been getting his
second fucking servings.

257
00:13:00,274 --> 00:13:04,077
I've been tasting his sweat.
Who's juices have I tasted?

258
00:13:04,078 --> 00:13:06,947
If I've been drinking his
juices, I wanna know who it is.

259
00:13:06,948 --> 00:13:09,348
I'm not gonna involve him in
this and make things worse.

260
00:13:09,349 --> 00:13:14,854
Oh, oh. You involved my brother
when you fucked him 16 times!

261
00:13:14,855 --> 00:13:18,525
Who can tell what that
fuckin', swarthy man...

262
00:13:18,526 --> 00:13:20,993
What? Get out of here! Get out of here!

263
00:13:20,994 --> 00:13:23,295
Please! Why did you
have to do this in public

264
00:13:23,296 --> 00:13:25,030
were you trying to humiliate me?

265
00:13:25,032 --> 00:13:27,534
Look it! Look it! He's
looking! I'm embarrassed.

266
00:13:27,535 --> 00:13:30,102
- You won!
- I was sacred that you would freak out.

267
00:13:30,103 --> 00:13:31,938
Yeah! Oh, well you thought right.

268
00:13:31,939 --> 00:13:34,596
Get ready for a Classic Sam freak out!

269
00:13:37,477 --> 00:13:39,512
Sam, wait. I'm sorry.

270
00:13:39,513 --> 00:13:43,183
Please, please, don't leave... I'm sorry.

271
00:13:43,184 --> 00:13:46,520
I wanna make this work.
I'm trying to get better.

272
00:13:46,521 --> 00:13:48,454
You can't get better.

273
00:13:48,455 --> 00:13:52,014
Lainey, you're not an addict, okay?

274
00:13:55,629 --> 00:13:57,719
You're just a whore.

275
00:13:59,498 --> 00:14:01,523
You're a whore!

276
00:14:04,939 --> 00:14:06,896
You're a fuckin' whore!

277
00:14:58,425 --> 00:15:00,192
Before I started this program

278
00:15:00,193 --> 00:15:03,329
I thought "love" was a feeling.

279
00:15:03,330 --> 00:15:06,197
But that's bullshit, it's not a feeling

280
00:15:06,198 --> 00:15:08,793
<i>it's a decision,
like everything else.</i>

281
00:15:08,794 --> 00:15:12,639
<i>And I see now that when I was in
my addiction I made the decision</i>

282
00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:17,309
<i>over and over again to choose
sex over my self-worth.</i>

283
00:15:17,310 --> 00:15:19,112
<i>And it doesn't mean that
I don't like sex now</i>

284
00:15:19,113 --> 00:15:22,481
it doesn't mean that I'm
not a sexual person. Gail.

285
00:15:22,482 --> 00:15:24,517
I don't need to go trolling online looking

286
00:15:24,518 --> 00:15:26,185
<i>for women to go down on.</i>

287
00:15:26,186 --> 00:15:28,053
<i>I don't need to fuck
8 guys on one night.</i>

288
00:15:28,055 --> 00:15:30,689
<i>I don't deny what I've
done. I embrace my past.</i>

289
00:15:30,690 --> 00:15:32,693
<i>Yes, I did once call one of my
neighbors in the middle of the day</i>

290
00:15:32,694 --> 00:15:35,027
<i>when he was at work and said,
"Grab some condoms and meet me</i>

291
00:15:35,028 --> 00:15:38,596
<i>at that delicious soft
pretzel place." Who cares?</i>

292
00:15:38,597 --> 00:15:43,035
I did let someone put a protein
bar up my ass once. Big deal.

293
00:15:43,036 --> 00:15:45,472
<i>I did hack into my
supermarket's Instagram account</i>

294
00:15:45,473 --> 00:15:49,041
<i>and posted a picture of my asshole
and said, there was a sale on asshole.</i>

295
00:15:49,042 --> 00:15:51,666
<i>And then said, "Come and lick
my asshole if you're bald."</i>

296
00:16:02,089 --> 00:16:04,078
Of all the gin joints.

297
00:16:05,392 --> 00:16:07,148
No way.

298
00:16:08,295 --> 00:16:10,120
- <i>Jake.</i>
- Yes.

299
00:16:14,035 --> 00:16:17,069
Oh, my God. Were y-you
just in that meeting?

300
00:16:17,070 --> 00:16:18,771
Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure was. Uh-huh.

301
00:16:18,772 --> 00:16:21,964
Yeah. Had to get out of there,
though. It was making me super horny.

302
00:16:23,777 --> 00:16:27,680
Wow. It's been... What? 12 years?

303
00:16:27,681 --> 00:16:30,083
I think it might actually be longer. Yeah.

304
00:16:30,084 --> 00:16:32,140
- Wow.
- Yeah. You look good.

305
00:16:33,285 --> 00:16:35,521
- So do you.
- Thank you.

306
00:16:35,522 --> 00:16:39,059
Wow! The "Old virgin."

307
00:16:39,060 --> 00:16:41,395
Don't you mean the one that got away?

308
00:16:41,396 --> 00:16:43,462
- Stop.
- <i>Oh, last thing I remember, we had that...</i>

309
00:16:43,463 --> 00:16:46,632
awesome night together
and you just sort of...

310
00:16:46,633 --> 00:16:49,567
- Disappeared.
- <i>Oh, plus you were all hung up on that guy</i>

311
00:16:49,568 --> 00:16:51,070
that lived next door to me, the boring guy.

312
00:16:51,071 --> 00:16:53,040
The, uh, Marcus, or, uh...

313
00:16:53,041 --> 00:16:54,341
- Matthew.
- <i>That's right.</i>

314
00:16:54,342 --> 00:16:55,608
I heard he's a lady doctor now.

315
00:16:55,609 --> 00:16:57,376
- Oh?
- <i>Yeah.</i>

316
00:16:57,377 --> 00:16:58,612
<i>You ever see him around?</i>

317
00:16:58,613 --> 00:17:00,713
I assume like... doctor things?

318
00:17:00,714 --> 00:17:02,581
- Aren't you a doctor now?
- Oh, I didn't do that.

319
00:17:02,582 --> 00:17:04,251
I didn't end up going to med school.

320
00:17:04,252 --> 00:17:05,618
- Oh.
- I teach...

321
00:17:05,619 --> 00:17:07,187
- Cool.
- Now, yeah, kids.

322
00:17:07,188 --> 00:17:08,554
- Great.
- Kindergarten.

323
00:17:08,555 --> 00:17:10,157
Alright.

324
00:17:10,158 --> 00:17:11,824
You? What do you... what do you...

325
00:17:11,825 --> 00:17:14,325
A buddy and I created this
CDN and we're selling it

326
00:17:14,326 --> 00:17:16,162
to a digital media provider...
And you're bored already?

327
00:17:16,163 --> 00:17:17,264
- No.
- You just asked me.

328
00:17:17,265 --> 00:17:19,800
I know. I'm sorry. I have to...

329
00:17:19,801 --> 00:17:22,535
<i>Respond to that booty
text I assume, right?</i>

330
00:17:22,536 --> 00:17:24,602
Oh, come on, Lainey.

331
00:17:24,603 --> 00:17:26,305
I was watchin' you in there.

332
00:17:26,306 --> 00:17:29,810
I saw ya. Checkin' your
phone every 5 minutes.

333
00:17:29,811 --> 00:17:32,646
<i>All that tension in your shoulders.
Legs crossed, playin' with your hair...</i>

334
00:17:32,647 --> 00:17:34,648
- Why are you here?
- <i>Hmm.</i>

335
00:17:34,649 --> 00:17:36,782
- To pick up women?
- No, no, Heaven's no.

336
00:17:36,783 --> 00:17:39,717
No, not women, no. Just you evidently.

337
00:17:41,588 --> 00:17:43,422
I'll see you around.

338
00:17:43,423 --> 00:17:45,691
Hopefully not here.

339
00:17:45,692 --> 00:17:47,182
Yeah.

340
00:17:47,862 --> 00:17:49,684
Hey, I'm on Facebook!

341
00:17:50,832 --> 00:17:53,556
What... a weird thing to say out loud.

342
00:18:09,784 --> 00:18:13,419
- You know, I have one last question... actually...
- Oh, come on. Come on.

343
00:18:13,420 --> 00:18:18,491
It's like... um, when I sign
this, what happens to everything

344
00:18:18,492 --> 00:18:21,495
that Xander and I worked on,
like, all the content we created?

345
00:18:21,496 --> 00:18:26,197
We dissolve all past and current product.
And you'll work exclusively for us.

346
00:18:26,198 --> 00:18:29,736
Yeah. Right. Time to settle down.

347
00:18:29,737 --> 00:18:33,640
- That's true. That's true. But what if we have...
- No. No.

348
00:18:33,641 --> 00:18:37,343
I will straight up murder you if
you do not sign this immediately.

349
00:18:37,344 --> 00:18:39,179
Xander, I'm lookin' out for us.

350
00:18:39,180 --> 00:18:40,913
You're lookin' out for us?
No, I'm lookin' out for us.

351
00:18:40,914 --> 00:18:42,782
- You're being a dick...
- <i>Here's the thing, guys.</i>

352
00:18:42,783 --> 00:18:45,885
I don't negotiate, but my lawyers do.

353
00:18:45,886 --> 00:18:48,755
So if you wanna reopen the terms
of the contract, that's fine

354
00:18:48,756 --> 00:18:51,291
I'm just gonna go grab some lunch.

355
00:18:51,292 --> 00:18:56,630
No, alright. Alright. Alright. Alright.
Okay. You know... y... you just...

356
00:18:56,631 --> 00:18:58,465
<i>You don't have to go for lunch yet.</i>

357
00:18:58,466 --> 00:19:00,255
Okay.

358
00:19:04,438 --> 00:19:06,739
Congrats, boys. You
have officially sold out.

359
00:19:06,740 --> 00:19:09,440
Fuck yes!

360
00:19:09,442 --> 00:19:12,545
Oh, my God!

361
00:19:12,546 --> 00:19:14,581
- I really thought you were gonna fuck this up.
- Me too.

362
00:19:14,582 --> 00:19:18,919
- I really did. He fucks everything in life up.
- Yeah, yeah, I do.

363
00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:20,754
I have two beautiful children

364
00:19:20,755 --> 00:19:23,354
both are gonna have
ridiculously terrible teeth.

365
00:19:23,355 --> 00:19:26,593
So you're getting braces,
you're getting braces

366
00:19:26,594 --> 00:19:28,349
you're getting braces!

367
00:19:29,528 --> 00:19:32,253
Hey. You going to lunch? Can I come with?

368
00:19:34,266 --> 00:19:37,304
Dinner maybe? How about brunch
with my folks, you'll love them.

369
00:19:37,305 --> 00:19:38,271
- You're smart, handsome...
- Thank you.

370
00:19:38,272 --> 00:19:40,873
And now have stocks vesting until 2018.

371
00:19:40,874 --> 00:19:42,409
You can go get any woman you want.

372
00:19:42,410 --> 00:19:44,275
Really? Well, I still choose you.

373
00:19:44,276 --> 00:19:46,212
Why? Because I happened
to be in your eye-line?

374
00:19:46,213 --> 00:19:47,613
Possibly because you're uninterested.

375
00:19:47,614 --> 00:19:49,716
Most likely because you're
stunning and successful.

376
00:19:49,717 --> 00:19:51,382
- I'm divorced.
- His loss.

377
00:19:51,383 --> 00:19:52,986
- I have a kid.
- I love kids.

378
00:19:52,987 --> 00:19:54,121
Kids love me. I basically am a kid.

379
00:19:54,122 --> 00:19:57,224
- And I don't sleep with my employees.
- I quit.

380
00:19:57,225 --> 00:19:58,756
Goodbye, Jacob.

381
00:19:58,758 --> 00:20:00,715
- Congrats.
- Thanks.

382
00:20:01,629 --> 00:20:03,729
- Huh.
- What?

383
00:20:03,730 --> 00:20:05,599
Paula's somethin' else, huh?

384
00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:07,266
Yeah, she really is.

385
00:20:07,267 --> 00:20:09,301
She was vibin' me pretty
hard in that meeting.

386
00:20:09,302 --> 00:20:11,871
- Well, you're a married man.
- Yeah, I know. I made sure to tell her.

387
00:20:11,872 --> 00:20:13,974
- 'Cause I was, like, I didn't wanna embarrass her...
- Yeah, yeah.

388
00:20:13,975 --> 00:20:15,674
- That's good. Let her down easy.
- Yeah.

389
00:20:15,675 --> 00:20:18,978
<i>Good afternoon, Dr.
Sobvechik's office.</i>

390
00:20:18,979 --> 00:20:22,615
<i>I'm sorry the doctor's not available
right now. May I take a message?</i>

391
00:20:22,616 --> 00:20:25,950
Elaine. Elaine Dalton?

392
00:20:25,951 --> 00:20:31,358
Yes, um... sorry. It's Lainey.
Only my father calls me Elaine.

393
00:20:31,359 --> 00:20:34,383
Mm-hmm. Dr. Sobvechik will see you now.

394
00:20:43,270 --> 00:20:46,439
You didn't have to make an appointment.

395
00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:49,797
This used to be our move. Me
pretending to be a patient.

396
00:20:53,014 --> 00:20:54,979
You look great.

397
00:20:54,980 --> 00:20:57,816
It's been a while.

398
00:20:57,817 --> 00:21:00,075
I get worried when you disappear.

399
00:21:01,521 --> 00:21:03,789
Me too.

400
00:21:03,790 --> 00:21:06,814
It's really good to see you.
W... what do you wanna talk about?

401
00:21:08,461 --> 00:21:10,384
- I can't see you anymore.
- I agree.

402
00:21:12,699 --> 00:21:14,823
Yeah. I think...

403
00:21:16,403 --> 00:21:19,773
- We need to be over.
- I asked Emma to marry me.

404
00:21:19,774 --> 00:21:21,474
I mean, she kept bringing it up.

405
00:21:21,475 --> 00:21:23,374
Thought it was the right thing to do.

406
00:21:23,375 --> 00:21:25,299
<i>Dr. Sobvechik's office...</i>

407
00:21:27,047 --> 00:21:29,082
Oh, you and Emma got back together?

408
00:21:29,083 --> 00:21:32,074
Yes, uh... uh did I not tell you that?

409
00:21:40,361 --> 00:21:45,064
- How is Sam?
- He is... fine.

410
00:21:45,065 --> 00:21:46,522
Good.

411
00:21:50,371 --> 00:21:53,896
Glad we ended it face to
face. You were right to come.

412
00:22:02,917 --> 00:22:04,417
Will you do me a favor?

413
00:22:04,418 --> 00:22:07,911
Will you erase your number from my phone?

414
00:22:09,956 --> 00:22:12,147
I won't be able to do it.

415
00:23:07,614 --> 00:23:09,648
Is this what you want, Elaine?

416
00:23:09,649 --> 00:23:11,182
Yes.

417
00:23:11,183 --> 00:23:13,574
I want it all the time.
It's all I think about.

418
00:23:58,998 --> 00:24:01,256
<i>Good afternoon, Dr.
Sobvechik's office.</i>

419
00:24:02,701 --> 00:24:05,193
<i>I'm sorry the doctor is
unavailable right now.</i>

420
00:24:07,140 --> 00:24:09,608
<i>- He's getting married.
- Who would marry him?</i>

421
00:24:09,609 --> 00:24:12,511
<i>Like, can she consent?
Is she in a coma?</i>

422
00:24:12,512 --> 00:24:15,781
I mean, who is this person?
Where do you find her?

423
00:24:15,782 --> 00:24:17,917
Some sort of, like, website

424
00:24:17,918 --> 00:24:20,820
for people who want to have
a horrible, painful life...

425
00:24:20,821 --> 00:24:24,523
I think I need to stop having
sex all together for a while.

426
00:24:24,524 --> 00:24:26,792
No, alright. The problem isn't sex.

427
00:24:26,793 --> 00:24:28,092
The problem is Captain Amazing

428
00:24:28,094 --> 00:24:29,661
has monopolized your vag for like a decade

429
00:24:29,662 --> 00:24:30,830
and now you're a pod person.

430
00:24:30,831 --> 00:24:33,099
But maybe if I'm not having any sex...

431
00:24:33,100 --> 00:24:35,101
And become a sexually anorexic? No.

432
00:24:35,102 --> 00:24:36,969
What? Is that a real thing?

433
00:24:36,970 --> 00:24:38,138
Yeah, of course it's a real thing.

434
00:24:38,139 --> 00:24:40,873
Sexual anorexian. It's like
depriving yourself of sex

435
00:24:40,874 --> 00:24:45,543
because of low self-esteem,
or abuse or other gnarly shit.

436
00:24:45,544 --> 00:24:47,246
That's great. That's another dysfunction
I have to worry about developing.

437
00:24:47,247 --> 00:24:49,849
It's like enough with this shit.

438
00:24:49,850 --> 00:24:51,718
Sobvechik! It's like enough!

439
00:24:51,719 --> 00:24:53,918
I mean, you can do so much better.

440
00:24:53,919 --> 00:24:56,021
I don't care if it's a woman
or if it's somebody else

441
00:24:56,022 --> 00:24:59,557
just anything but the schmuck.

442
00:24:59,558 --> 00:25:02,128
I feel like people are looking at us.

443
00:25:02,129 --> 00:25:03,129
The guy I lost my virginity to

444
00:25:03,130 --> 00:25:05,030
was at my sex addicts meeting.

445
00:25:05,032 --> 00:25:06,865
What do you think that means?

446
00:25:06,866 --> 00:25:08,267
It's a sign.

447
00:25:08,268 --> 00:25:12,804
You should fuck that guy. A lot.

448
00:25:12,805 --> 00:25:16,642
<i>I don't think everyone should just be
running around fucking willy-nilly, okay?</i>

449
00:25:16,643 --> 00:25:21,202
In your specific case I do think
you should fuck that sex addict.

450
00:25:24,817 --> 00:25:27,052
♪ One look in the mirror ♪

451
00:25:27,054 --> 00:25:30,412
♪ And I know the party is over ♪♪

452
00:25:32,625 --> 00:25:34,183
You have lipstick on your teeth.

453
00:25:35,930 --> 00:25:38,564
- Thank you.
- This is my wife! This is Blainey.

454
00:25:38,565 --> 00:25:40,865
- Lainey. Lainey... with an L.
- Oh.

455
00:25:40,866 --> 00:25:43,457
What's wrong with you?

456
00:25:43,967 --> 00:25:45,970
- Never make it end.
- This is, uh, Lainey! Lainey, Naomi.

457
00:25:45,971 --> 00:25:48,908
- Oh, may God.
- This is my wife.

458
00:25:48,909 --> 00:25:51,811
Shots. I'm getting everybody shot. Shots for
all round. We're going to keep it going.

459
00:25:51,812 --> 00:25:54,046
Top shelf, bro, because
we're rich as shit now.

460
00:25:54,047 --> 00:25:56,849
- Okay, stop screaming that.
- Rich as shit!

461
00:25:56,850 --> 00:26:00,018
I'm telling you, someone's gonna
murder us if you keep screaming...

462
00:26:00,019 --> 00:26:05,024
I don't care. We're in a cool
bar. I just bought a Tesla!

463
00:26:05,025 --> 00:26:07,927
That's not true. We are borrowing
a Tesla to see if we like it.

464
00:26:07,928 --> 00:26:10,862
- Yeah.
- Listen, are you guys, um...

465
00:26:10,863 --> 00:26:13,165
- Are you guys sleeping with each other?
- No.

466
00:26:13,166 --> 00:26:15,868
- Oh, good. Oh, my God, good.
- What're you guys talking about?

467
00:26:15,869 --> 00:26:17,937
I'm telling her not to
have sex with you! Sorry.

468
00:26:17,938 --> 00:26:21,596
Oh, yeah, well you're too late! 'Cause
we lost our virginity to each other!

469
00:26:23,611 --> 00:26:25,143
- Are you serious?
- You didn't know.

470
00:26:25,144 --> 00:26:28,380
- Yeah, I told him earlier.
- We all knew. You didn't know!

471
00:26:28,382 --> 00:26:30,616
- That's a beautiful story.
- Yeah.

472
00:26:30,617 --> 00:26:32,250
- So romantic.
- Right!

473
00:26:32,251 --> 00:26:33,885
Here we go. Bring it in.

474
00:26:33,886 --> 00:26:36,089
- To virginity!
- To virginity!

475
00:26:36,090 --> 00:26:37,813
Get lost.

476
00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:42,660
- Here we go.
- I gotta go. I just gonna go outside for a...

477
00:26:42,661 --> 00:26:45,930
That was good. Naomi still
has her anal virginity.

478
00:26:45,931 --> 00:26:48,634
That's not true. A lot of guys
have been up there, just not you.

479
00:26:48,635 --> 00:26:50,169
Oh, wait, wait. Girl, girl, girl...

480
00:26:50,170 --> 00:26:52,104
- Lainey, her name's Lainey.
- Lainey. Lainey, I'm sorry.

481
00:26:52,105 --> 00:26:54,273
Quick question before
you walk out the door...

482
00:26:54,274 --> 00:26:59,245
Are you the reason that my friend Jake here
is like, the biggest slut in the world?

483
00:26:59,246 --> 00:27:01,213
- What are you doing?
- I'm saying, like

484
00:27:01,214 --> 00:27:03,416
he puts his dick in like,
every sticky hole he finds.

485
00:27:03,417 --> 00:27:05,217
- That's not true.
- It gross.

486
00:27:05,218 --> 00:27:06,352
- Xander.
- But like I'm jels.

487
00:27:06,353 --> 00:27:08,687
Come on.

488
00:27:08,688 --> 00:27:10,355
- No, I'm just kidding.
- I don't know. I don't know.

489
00:27:10,356 --> 00:27:12,056
I'm just kidding. I know it's
not you. I know it's not you.

490
00:27:12,057 --> 00:27:14,360
- I know it's because his dad molested him.
- What?

491
00:27:14,361 --> 00:27:16,728
- What?
- Now everybody knows!

492
00:27:16,729 --> 00:27:18,031
He was a boy scout leader.

493
00:27:18,032 --> 00:27:20,900
- Yeah.
- Bro, you're welcome. You're welcome.

494
00:27:20,901 --> 00:27:23,135
- How am I welcome?
- I just set that up for you.

495
00:27:23,136 --> 00:27:25,271
- Wait a minute, where is she going?
- Yeah, don't let her get away.

496
00:27:25,272 --> 00:27:28,006
Dude, you gotta chase after her.

497
00:27:28,007 --> 00:27:31,075
- She's your lobster, man.
- I know. Okay, alright.

498
00:27:31,077 --> 00:27:33,211
She seems...

499
00:27:33,212 --> 00:27:34,313
- Awesome.
- Amazing.

500
00:27:34,314 --> 00:27:37,149
Hey, Lainey!

501
00:27:37,150 --> 00:27:40,084
- What are you doin'? Where are you going?
- Sorry, sorry, yeah.

502
00:27:40,086 --> 00:27:42,921
I just... I wanna thank you
for tonight. It was great.

503
00:27:42,922 --> 00:27:45,890
Just go... go in and have
fun with your friends.

504
00:27:45,891 --> 00:27:48,760
I just... I Facebooked
you because I thought...

505
00:27:48,761 --> 00:27:50,763
I should start dating again, I'm
trying to get over this guy...

506
00:27:50,764 --> 00:27:52,488
Was this supposed to be a date?

507
00:27:54,101 --> 00:27:56,168
Oh shit, it was...

508
00:27:56,169 --> 00:27:59,304
Oh hell. I'm an idiot,
I'm sorry, I'm a dick.

509
00:27:59,305 --> 00:28:01,907
I'm sorry, I didn't... I didn't know. I...

510
00:28:01,908 --> 00:28:03,175
Well, hey... hey, how
about we go on a date?

511
00:28:03,176 --> 00:28:05,044
This is a date now. We'll go out.

512
00:28:05,045 --> 00:28:07,112
- So now it's...
- Yeah, it's a date. Let's go on a date.

513
00:28:07,113 --> 00:28:09,915
This is good. I'll go inside,
I'm gonna get my jacket

514
00:28:09,916 --> 00:28:13,986
then I'll come out and
we'll, uh... date it up.

515
00:28:13,987 --> 00:28:17,957
<i>Matthew Sobvechik? That guy had all
the charm of a broken Etch a sketch.</i>

516
00:28:17,958 --> 00:28:21,494
It feels so freeing to tell someone
about it. Who actually knows him.

517
00:28:21,495 --> 00:28:24,764
Okay, you're gonna have to explain
this to me. I mean, is he packing? Huh?

518
00:28:24,765 --> 00:28:26,931
Is that what's going on?
Does it tip in hundreds?

519
00:28:26,932 --> 00:28:28,801
Read you the Polar Express before bedtime?

520
00:28:28,802 --> 00:28:30,768
You know, it's pretty average actually.

521
00:28:30,770 --> 00:28:34,106
Ah, Goddammit! Even his junk is boring.

522
00:28:34,107 --> 00:28:37,110
God damn boring dick!

523
00:28:37,111 --> 00:28:40,012
That's so weird, and
you're a catch! It's true.

524
00:28:40,013 --> 00:28:43,015
You know, I'm serious. You've
got a strong vocabulary.

525
00:28:43,016 --> 00:28:46,307
You look dynamite in a tank
top. It's just... what gives?

526
00:28:46,754 --> 00:28:47,842
I guess...

527
00:28:50,957 --> 00:28:54,959
I guess, I just thought
eventually he'd choose me.

528
00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:57,830
- Mm-hmm.
- And so I always chose him.

529
00:28:57,831 --> 00:29:00,999
If he texted I'd think of
an excuse. I'd lie, I'd...

530
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:04,003
- That's psychotic.
- Mm. Thanks.

531
00:29:04,004 --> 00:29:05,970
Well, I mean it's not your fault.

532
00:29:05,971 --> 00:29:07,907
You know, little girls are told

533
00:29:07,908 --> 00:29:10,176
that someday they're gonna find the one.

534
00:29:10,177 --> 00:29:11,811
What they don't tell
you guys is that the one

535
00:29:11,812 --> 00:29:13,079
might be a complete fucking dickhead

536
00:29:13,080 --> 00:29:15,948
with a boring heroin penis that
turns you all into a sex addict

537
00:29:15,949 --> 00:29:17,016
that's what they leave
out in the Disney movies...

538
00:29:17,017 --> 00:29:18,217
I'm not sex addict.

539
00:29:18,218 --> 00:29:19,317
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Me neither.

540
00:29:19,318 --> 00:29:20,419
I went to a few meetings

541
00:29:20,420 --> 00:29:21,986
because my therapist suggested

542
00:29:21,987 --> 00:29:24,055
that I go, that it... that it might help.

543
00:29:24,056 --> 00:29:26,524
- But it didn't, so I stopped.
- Okay.

544
00:29:26,525 --> 00:29:28,259
What's your excuse?

545
00:29:28,260 --> 00:29:29,829
- Me?
- Yeah.

546
00:29:29,830 --> 00:29:30,862
My girlfriend said if I didn't go

547
00:29:30,863 --> 00:29:31,930
she'd break up with me.

548
00:29:31,931 --> 00:29:33,099
So I went to a meeting.

549
00:29:33,100 --> 00:29:35,793
She broke up with me anyway. I'm cured.

550
00:29:35,794 --> 00:29:38,317
- Well why did she want you to go?
- I don't know.

551
00:29:42,542 --> 00:29:46,512
She... some have suggested

552
00:29:46,513 --> 00:29:50,048
that I have a little bit of
a problem staying faithful

553
00:29:50,049 --> 00:29:53,352
for long periods of
time... Or possibly at all.

554
00:29:53,353 --> 00:29:56,455
Oh. And it all comes out.

555
00:29:56,456 --> 00:30:01,193
Look, once I come to the
realization that I'm with...

556
00:30:01,194 --> 00:30:02,527
the wrong girl...

557
00:30:02,528 --> 00:30:04,563
- Mm-hmm.
- I don't know how to end it.

558
00:30:04,564 --> 00:30:08,399
- So you sabotage it by sleeping with other people?
- Mm. Exactly.

559
00:30:08,401 --> 00:30:11,469
Yeah. Obviously they get upset

560
00:30:11,470 --> 00:30:14,606
but then comes the whole rigmarole
of, like, "You're afraid to commit"

561
00:30:14,607 --> 00:30:17,476
and it's like "No, I just
don't wanna commit to you."

562
00:30:17,477 --> 00:30:20,044
But I can't say that, because
that's, like, mean on top of mean.

563
00:30:20,045 --> 00:30:22,014
You know, so it's "No, no,
no. It's not you, it's me."

564
00:30:22,015 --> 00:30:25,284
I don't like you."

565
00:30:25,285 --> 00:30:27,186
- You know, like that.
- Yeah, that's harsh.

566
00:30:27,187 --> 00:30:28,888
- That's harsh, right You can't say that.
- That's pretty harsh.

567
00:30:28,889 --> 00:30:31,524
So instead I'd rather
just say something like...

568
00:30:31,525 --> 00:30:32,891
"I fucked your sister."

569
00:30:32,892 --> 00:30:35,460
- Much better.
- Well, it's honest.

570
00:30:35,461 --> 00:30:38,063
You have to fuck the sister
in order for it to work.

571
00:30:38,065 --> 00:30:40,064
- It's like I'd rather...
- Be the bad guy than tell the truth.

572
00:30:40,065 --> 00:30:43,357
- See. You get it.
- Oh, yeah. But I'm psychotic.

573
00:30:45,305 --> 00:30:47,473
But like an approachable psychotic.

574
00:30:47,474 --> 00:30:50,074
- That's the thing I don't think I mentioned earlier.
- You like it?

575
00:30:50,076 --> 00:30:52,378
Yeah, it's like... it's
like Ted Bundy, you know.

576
00:30:52,379 --> 00:30:54,979
You can't get him into a
van by just being a jerk.

577
00:30:54,980 --> 00:30:56,181
You've got to have a certain...

578
00:30:56,182 --> 00:30:58,350
way about you.

579
00:30:58,351 --> 00:31:00,919
- Appetite?
- That would be... that would be something.

580
00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:03,189
- Yes, yes, yes.
- I'm hungry again.

581
00:31:03,190 --> 00:31:05,056
Already?

582
00:31:05,057 --> 00:31:07,959
Well, you know, that's Dim Sum for you.

583
00:31:07,960 --> 00:31:09,128
- I have snacks... I have snacks at home.
- Yeah.

584
00:31:09,129 --> 00:31:11,596
I have, uh, this is
actually... This is my train.

585
00:31:11,597 --> 00:31:12,965
- What here? Oh, yeah, yeah.
- So...

586
00:31:12,966 --> 00:31:14,300
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Alright.

587
00:31:14,301 --> 00:31:16,267
So, I'll probably gonna hit the road.

588
00:31:16,268 --> 00:31:18,670
- Yeah.
- Jake, thank you.

589
00:31:18,671 --> 00:31:20,973
- Yeah.
- Oh.

590
00:31:20,974 --> 00:31:23,575
Hey, this was a... We did
it. That was a good date.

591
00:31:23,576 --> 00:31:26,312
- We did the date.
- You know, I think it was the first...

592
00:31:26,313 --> 00:31:27,979
I think it might have been the
first date I've ever been on

593
00:31:27,980 --> 00:31:29,114
so I don't really have
much to compare it to

594
00:31:29,115 --> 00:31:30,381
but, you know, it seemed solid.

595
00:31:30,382 --> 00:31:31,417
- Good.
- Yeah.

596
00:31:31,418 --> 00:31:33,651
- Okay.
- Yeah.

597
00:31:33,652 --> 00:31:35,220
Shit.

598
00:31:35,221 --> 00:31:37,523
What?

599
00:31:37,524 --> 00:31:40,081
I, uh, I want to fuck you.

600
00:31:40,526 --> 00:31:41,659
- What?
- I know.

601
00:31:41,660 --> 00:31:43,362
- No!
- What do you mean no?

602
00:31:43,363 --> 00:31:46,297
What? What? What did I do?

603
00:31:46,298 --> 00:31:47,932
- Stop wanting to.
- I mean, are you kidding me?

604
00:31:47,933 --> 00:31:49,468
It's kinda hard. I mean, look at you.

605
00:31:49,469 --> 00:31:51,704
I mean, you're so pretty
and you're vulnerable

606
00:31:51,705 --> 00:31:53,538
and it's just like you might as
well be wearing a sign that says.

607
00:31:53,539 --> 00:31:54,672
"Solve my problems with your penis, Jake."

608
00:31:54,673 --> 00:31:57,275
Jake, we just spent the
entire evening talking about

609
00:31:57,276 --> 00:31:59,644
how we screw up every sexual
relationship we've ever have.

610
00:31:59,645 --> 00:32:03,716
I know, I... I right. I mean, and yet
here I am like wanting... just now.

611
00:32:03,717 --> 00:32:06,352
So, maybe... we gotta just be friends.

612
00:32:06,353 --> 00:32:10,588
Yes, that is the mature,
responsible thing to do, uh...

613
00:32:10,589 --> 00:32:12,991
for each other and
ourselves, yes I agree.

614
00:32:12,992 --> 00:32:14,592
Okay, but then we've got
to come up with a system.

615
00:32:14,593 --> 00:32:16,161
- If we're gonna be friends, you know...
- Okay.

616
00:32:16,162 --> 00:32:17,996
- And I want to be good friends...
- It's fair.

617
00:32:17,997 --> 00:32:22,066
So, maybe we come up with a safe word

618
00:32:22,068 --> 00:32:24,335
for if we're having sexual tension
and then we'll stop whatever...

619
00:32:24,336 --> 00:32:25,404
So, if you're doing something
sexy or I'm doing something sexy.

620
00:32:25,405 --> 00:32:27,672
- Or feeling attracted.
- Okay, but it's mutual?

621
00:32:27,673 --> 00:32:29,007
- So it is mutual?
- The word.

622
00:32:29,008 --> 00:32:30,375
You're saying it's mutual?

623
00:32:30,376 --> 00:32:32,343
- It could be mutual.
- That's a yes.

624
00:32:32,344 --> 00:32:34,279
- I may or may not need to use the word.
- That's a yes.

625
00:32:34,280 --> 00:32:35,414
- We'll have to see in the future...
- Hmm. Okay, alright.

626
00:32:35,415 --> 00:32:37,550
Well, let's... well, alright.
Say, uh, say it for me.

627
00:32:37,551 --> 00:32:38,685
- Uh, yeah. Anything.
- Let's go, come up with one. What you got.

628
00:32:38,686 --> 00:32:40,986
I'll do anything. What do
you... You pick it, and yes.

629
00:32:40,987 --> 00:32:42,487
- It's Avocado.
- No. Can't do that.

630
00:32:42,488 --> 00:32:45,224
- No. It's an immediate veto?
- No, no, no.

631
00:32:45,225 --> 00:32:47,025
Well, I mean, it's too
sexual. It's too sexual. Uh...

632
00:32:47,026 --> 00:32:49,327
- "Avocado" is too sexual?
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

633
00:32:49,328 --> 00:32:51,996
I mean... I mean you've got to see the
way I eat an avocado and you'll be like...

634
00:32:51,997 --> 00:32:53,666
That's like... You know, do that to me.

635
00:32:53,667 --> 00:32:57,236
- It's like Guam.
- Guam? Like the country Guam? No!

636
00:32:57,237 --> 00:32:59,337
No, I knew a girl whose
father was from Guam

637
00:32:59,338 --> 00:33:01,439
and she literally had one
of the best natural bodies

638
00:33:01,440 --> 00:33:02,341
I've ever seen in my life.

639
00:33:02,342 --> 00:33:03,640
Noodle salad.

640
00:33:03,641 --> 00:33:05,176
"Noodle salad?" that's a sex thing.

641
00:33:05,177 --> 00:33:06,276
- That's a... that's...
- What?

642
00:33:06,277 --> 00:33:08,080
That's a bunch of guys putting

643
00:33:08,081 --> 00:33:09,280
flaccid dicks into someone's mouth.

644
00:33:09,281 --> 00:33:10,516
That's... that's called a noddle salad.

645
00:33:10,517 --> 00:33:12,584
That is not a thing.

646
00:33:12,585 --> 00:33:15,688
I mean it absolutely is a
thing. I know it's a thing.

647
00:33:15,689 --> 00:33:19,458
- Go to noodlesalad.org...
- Now, I feel like you're just trying to find problems.

648
00:33:19,459 --> 00:33:21,494
I would make the argument
that you are just suggesting

649
00:33:21,495 --> 00:33:24,229
only things that can only
be perceived as sexual.

650
00:33:24,230 --> 00:33:26,631
- So, okay, so it needs to be more violent.
- Mm-hmm, something extra.

651
00:33:26,632 --> 00:33:27,733
- Yeah, I mean...
- Dick in a mousetrap!

652
00:33:27,734 --> 00:33:29,134
Yikes! What is that?

653
00:33:29,135 --> 00:33:30,401
- Oh!
- That's awful!

654
00:33:30,403 --> 00:33:31,337
- You don't like it.
- No!

655
00:33:31,338 --> 00:33:32,604
- That's the one.
- What? Are you kid...

656
00:33:32,605 --> 00:33:34,473
We'll shorten it to mousetrap.

657
00:33:34,474 --> 00:33:36,641
- Thank you. Goodbye. Goodbye.
- Mousetrap? Alright.

658
00:33:36,642 --> 00:33:37,810
- Uh-oh.
- Goodbye.

659
00:33:37,811 --> 00:33:39,310
I'm going. I'm going for it.

660
00:33:39,311 --> 00:33:41,246
- Yeah. Live on the edge.
- Goodnight.

661
00:33:41,247 --> 00:33:44,105
Careful. Bye.

662
00:33:44,617 --> 00:33:46,819
- Bye.
- Bye.

663
00:33:46,820 --> 00:33:48,585
♪ And your face will surely show it ♪

664
00:33:48,586 --> 00:33:51,222
♪ If you're happy and you
know it clap your hands ♪♪

665
00:33:51,223 --> 00:33:52,824
Yeah!

666
00:33:52,825 --> 00:33:54,592
Good singing. Good. Alright, free play.

667
00:33:54,593 --> 00:33:56,461
Everybody play.

668
00:33:56,462 --> 00:33:57,662
Hey, hey, hey, hey.

669
00:33:57,663 --> 00:33:59,265
Hey, Lyle, no, no, no, no.

670
00:33:59,266 --> 00:34:01,432
No. Alexander had the ball first.

671
00:34:01,434 --> 00:34:04,235
Here we go. Why did you take it from him?

672
00:34:04,236 --> 00:34:07,840
Hey, no. We've gotta use
your words. We don't do that.

673
00:34:07,841 --> 00:34:10,743
<i>One of my students
reminds me of you.</i>

674
00:34:10,744 --> 00:34:12,901
<i>He's devastatingly handsome?</i>

675
00:34:14,280 --> 00:34:15,848
<i>He reminds me of us.</i>

676
00:34:15,849 --> 00:34:18,384
<i>He has no one to play
with and gets angry.</i>

677
00:34:18,385 --> 00:34:20,152
<i>So, nobody wants to play with him</i>

678
00:34:20,153 --> 00:34:22,243
<i>'cause he's angry all the time.</i>

679
00:34:23,254 --> 00:34:24,522
<i>No dates, huh?</i>

680
00:34:24,523 --> 00:34:27,292
<i>Haven't met anyone. I've been busy.</i>

681
00:34:27,293 --> 00:34:29,795
<i>Studying for the
MCATs, you know. You?</i>

682
00:34:29,796 --> 00:34:32,086
<i>Nothing. Nada.</i>

683
00:34:33,632 --> 00:34:35,567
<i>Have you texted Voldemort?</i>

684
00:34:35,568 --> 00:34:37,703
<i>Trying to distract myself.</i>

685
00:34:37,704 --> 00:34:41,574
<i>Sometimes I dress up in
lingerie just to feel something.</i>

686
00:34:41,575 --> 00:34:44,310
<i>Oof, mousetrap.</i>

687
00:34:44,311 --> 00:34:47,879
<i>You should text me what
you want to text him.</i>

688
00:34:47,880 --> 00:34:50,149
<i>"I miss your cock in my mouth.</i>

689
00:34:50,150 --> 00:34:52,749
<i>"I miss the way you
feel on top of me.</i>

690
00:34:52,750 --> 00:34:55,653
<i>I miss making you cum."</i>

691
00:34:55,654 --> 00:34:58,690
<i>Whoa, since when are you a
porn star with killer grammar?</i>

692
00:34:58,691 --> 00:35:00,657
<i>That's how I text with him.</i>

693
00:35:00,658 --> 00:35:02,795
<i>Okay, well you're
sending porn star vibes</i>

694
00:35:02,796 --> 00:35:04,596
<i>instead of Lainey vibes.</i>

695
00:35:04,597 --> 00:35:06,332
<i>You're one to talk.</i>

696
00:35:06,333 --> 00:35:07,433
<i>You're a completely
different guy with me</i>

697
00:35:07,434 --> 00:35:08,666
<i>than with other ladies.</i>

698
00:35:08,667 --> 00:35:10,169
<i>That's not true.</i>

699
00:35:10,170 --> 00:35:11,236
<i>If you want someone to fall for you</i>

700
00:35:11,237 --> 00:35:12,303
<i>you gotta be you.</i>

701
00:35:12,304 --> 00:35:14,140
<i>Yeah, I don't think I like me enough</i>

702
00:35:14,141 --> 00:35:16,174
<i>to introduce him to other people.</i>

703
00:35:16,175 --> 00:35:17,266
<i>Night.</i>

704
00:35:24,450 --> 00:35:26,275
That was fun.

705
00:35:29,255 --> 00:35:31,311
- <i>Goodnight.</i>
- Goodnight.

706
00:36:00,352 --> 00:36:03,689
♪ Treat me like a fool ♪

707
00:36:03,690 --> 00:36:07,493
♪ Treat me mean and cruel ♪

708
00:36:07,494 --> 00:36:10,384
♪ But love me ♪

709
00:36:13,566 --> 00:36:16,768
♪ Wring my faithful heart ♪

710
00:36:16,769 --> 00:36:20,271
♪ Tear it all apart ♪

711
00:36:20,272 --> 00:36:24,098
♪ But love me ♪

712
00:36:26,645 --> 00:36:27,712
♪ I would beg ♪

713
00:36:27,713 --> 00:36:32,618
♪ And steal ♪

714
00:36:32,619 --> 00:36:38,346
♪ Just to feel ♪

715
00:36:39,525 --> 00:36:44,685
♪ Your heart ♪

716
00:36:45,898 --> 00:36:48,566
♪ Beatin' close to mine ♪

717
00:36:51,371 --> 00:36:55,773
♪ Well if you ever go ♪

718
00:36:55,775 --> 00:36:57,675
♪ Darling I'll be ♪

719
00:36:57,676 --> 00:37:01,412
♪ Oh so lonely ♪♪

720
00:37:01,414 --> 00:37:03,982
He looked so normal.

721
00:37:03,983 --> 00:37:06,018
Like he hadn't even noticed that
we stopped sleeping together.

722
00:37:06,019 --> 00:37:07,620
No, no. He noticed.

723
00:37:07,621 --> 00:37:09,686
He's just not thinking about
it the same way, you know.

724
00:37:09,687 --> 00:37:11,421
Right. Right, great.

725
00:37:11,422 --> 00:37:13,891
I'm a guilty slut and he gets to be a...

726
00:37:13,892 --> 00:37:16,795
you know, heartless
alpha male who fucking jogs!

727
00:37:16,796 --> 00:37:18,263
No! That's not it at all.

728
00:37:18,264 --> 00:37:20,498
To Sobvechik, you're like...

729
00:37:20,499 --> 00:37:22,599
you're like the hardest drug
at the coolest party, you know.

730
00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:24,270
Like in a second he has to make a decision.

731
00:37:24,271 --> 00:37:26,803
Do I go home now, or
cancel everything tomorrow?

732
00:37:26,805 --> 00:37:29,439
<i>You know, no pre-meditation
means no post-meditation.</i>

733
00:37:29,440 --> 00:37:31,377
It's not like months
from now he's thinking.

734
00:37:31,378 --> 00:37:33,977
"Oh gosh, I... I wonder
how crack is doing?"

735
00:37:33,978 --> 00:37:36,582
Or... or "I hope cocaine isn't mad at me."

736
00:37:36,583 --> 00:37:37,981
You know, no dude thinks like that.

737
00:37:37,982 --> 00:37:39,349
Except Aaron Sorkin.

738
00:37:39,350 --> 00:37:40,953
Are you saying I'm crack cocaine?

739
00:37:40,954 --> 00:37:42,720
Yeah. Don't sell yourself short.

740
00:37:42,721 --> 00:37:43,821
We wouldn't have "The
West Wing" without you.

741
00:37:43,822 --> 00:37:46,624
Ohh! What is wrong with me?

742
00:37:46,625 --> 00:37:48,294
<i>Nothing's wrong with
you. Are you kidding me?</i>

743
00:37:48,295 --> 00:37:51,429
You're great. I mean, your
funny, you're sexy, you're...

744
00:37:51,430 --> 00:37:53,931
cool, like... Oh!

745
00:37:53,932 --> 00:37:56,067
What? You run out of compliments.

746
00:37:56,068 --> 00:37:58,468
Yeah. No. Uh, do you
remember that girl Renee?

747
00:37:58,470 --> 00:38:00,038
Had a spectacular time with you last night.

748
00:38:00,039 --> 00:38:03,074
I'm at lunch. Just tried calling you.

749
00:38:03,075 --> 00:38:05,543
Have you ever thought
about taking a road trip?

750
00:38:05,544 --> 00:38:07,612
At least respond so I
know you're alive and okay.

751
00:38:07,613 --> 00:38:09,415
GIF of a panda dancing!

752
00:38:09,416 --> 00:38:10,515
Seriously, are you okay?

753
00:38:10,516 --> 00:38:11,817
I was on the subway, did you text me?

754
00:38:11,818 --> 00:38:13,886
Fuck me then ignore me. Nice one, Jake!

755
00:38:13,887 --> 00:38:16,553
Photo of a dog dressed as a Nazi.

756
00:38:16,554 --> 00:38:18,723
I have chlamydia. Okay, I was joking!

757
00:38:18,724 --> 00:38:20,359
I do have HPV though

758
00:38:20,360 --> 00:38:22,392
and I hope it's the one
that gives you dick cancer.

759
00:38:22,393 --> 00:38:25,464
Emoji of a heart. XXX Renee.

760
00:38:25,465 --> 00:38:27,366
Well, that's sort of normal.

761
00:38:27,367 --> 00:38:28,900
You actively stalked someone today

762
00:38:28,901 --> 00:38:31,337
your perception of normal might
be a little skewed, my dear.

763
00:38:31,338 --> 00:38:33,105
- <i>Okay, you slept with her.</i>
- Mm-hmm.

764
00:38:33,106 --> 00:38:35,473
- Rocked her face.
- Mm-hmm.

765
00:38:35,474 --> 00:38:36,975
- Yes, with my body.
- You didn't call her.

766
00:38:36,976 --> 00:38:38,911
I lost my phone in a cab.

767
00:38:38,912 --> 00:38:42,381
- <i>And you unleashed her Khaleesi.</i>
- Yeah. Wait.

768
00:38:42,382 --> 00:38:43,515
You mean like "Game of Thrones" Khaleesi?

769
00:38:43,516 --> 00:38:48,486
Yes. Either A, we make
multiple babies with you.

770
00:38:48,487 --> 00:38:51,489
Or B, we cut your dick off.

771
00:38:51,490 --> 00:38:55,094
Jesus. I... I've got my fingers
crossed out here for an option C.

772
00:38:55,095 --> 00:38:58,129
C, you appease her.

773
00:38:58,130 --> 00:39:00,399
And how do you appease your Khaleesi?

774
00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:03,024
<i>I spend about a
month's rent on this.</i>

775
00:39:06,139 --> 00:39:08,540
- What do you think?
- Yeah.

776
00:39:08,541 --> 00:39:10,942
I mean, you should
definitely wear stuff over it.

777
00:39:10,943 --> 00:39:13,834
Nice neg. Mousetrap.

778
00:39:19,485 --> 00:39:23,054
♪ Dashing through the snow ♪

779
00:39:23,055 --> 00:39:27,593
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪♪

780
00:39:27,594 --> 00:39:30,727
<i>Hey, you've reached
Lainey. Leave a message.</i>

781
00:39:30,728 --> 00:39:32,830
<i>Hey dude, it's me. I haven't
heard from you in a while.</i>

782
00:39:32,831 --> 00:39:34,699
<i>So I'm gonna guess you
either finally fucked Jake</i>

783
00:39:34,700 --> 00:39:36,868
<i>or you got into med school</i>

784
00:39:36,869 --> 00:39:38,770
<i>either way, mazel tov.</i>

785
00:39:38,771 --> 00:39:40,605
<i>Happy Hanukkah. Wherever
the fuck you're into.</i>

786
00:39:40,606 --> 00:39:42,074
<i>Okay, call me back.
Seriously Call me back.</i>

787
00:39:42,075 --> 00:39:43,609
<i>Just pick a TV and
we'll get out of here.</i>

788
00:39:43,610 --> 00:39:45,877
- So tell me what happened.
- Oh, right.

789
00:39:45,878 --> 00:39:48,080
Okay, yeah, so, uh, I've been
seeing this girl Thea, alright?

790
00:39:48,081 --> 00:39:49,147
Uh, she's Black.

791
00:39:49,148 --> 00:39:51,449
- And...
- <i>Wait stop.</i>

792
00:39:51,450 --> 00:39:54,441
Does this story end with you
doing something super racist?

793
00:39:54,820 --> 00:39:56,187
Oh, my God. No!

794
00:39:56,188 --> 00:39:59,857
Why are you telling me she's Black?

795
00:39:59,858 --> 00:40:03,251
I don't know. I... I'm just trying to
give you a mental picture that's all.

796
00:40:03,896 --> 00:40:07,533
Okay. Racist. Keep going.

797
00:40:07,534 --> 00:40:09,634
<i>Okay. Well, we go see a
movie. During the day.</i>

798
00:40:09,635 --> 00:40:12,069
<i>And she's super smart and
cool and also gorgeous</i>

799
00:40:12,070 --> 00:40:15,440
but I do what we talked
about. I do not sleep with her.

800
00:40:15,441 --> 00:40:17,842
You're so strong. I'm so proud.

801
00:40:17,843 --> 00:40:20,446
Hey. Not all of us can remain
celibate for a year, alright?

802
00:40:20,447 --> 00:40:22,647
I'm just waiting for the right guy.

803
00:40:22,648 --> 00:40:25,650
The white guy? Whose racist now?

804
00:40:25,651 --> 00:40:27,986
- The right guy.
- Oh, the right guy.

805
00:40:27,987 --> 00:40:30,189
Oh, the one you waited for
10 years. That right guy?

806
00:40:30,190 --> 00:40:32,024
You know, he's married now, that one?

807
00:40:32,025 --> 00:40:33,057
What're we doing in this aisle?

808
00:40:33,058 --> 00:40:35,627
Can I finish my story please?

809
00:40:35,628 --> 00:40:38,730
I wait 4 days and then I
call her and we go out again.

810
00:40:38,731 --> 00:40:40,933
<i>- Mm-hmm.
- Alright. No, sex.</i>

811
00:40:40,934 --> 00:40:42,667
<i>I mean, we hook up
but I don't, like,</i>

812
00:40:42,668 --> 00:40:43,700
<i>finger her or anything.</i>

813
00:40:43,701 --> 00:40:44,736
<i>Awesome.</i>

814
00:40:44,737 --> 00:40:45,802
<i>So I call her last night</i>

815
00:40:45,804 --> 00:40:47,070
<i>and I'm like.</i>

816
00:40:47,071 --> 00:40:48,072
"Hey, do you wanna go see

817
00:40:48,074 --> 00:40:48,906
the new Wes Anderson movie?"

818
00:40:48,907 --> 00:40:50,576
Ugh!

819
00:40:50,577 --> 00:40:52,544
What? Well, and then she's like...

820
00:40:52,545 --> 00:40:54,679
Jake, what are you doing?

821
00:40:54,680 --> 00:40:57,615
And I'm like, "Oh, of course
Wes Anderson is a such a stupid"

822
00:40:57,616 --> 00:40:59,650
"white guy thing to suggest," you know.

823
00:40:59,651 --> 00:41:02,120
- Okay, racist. And also dumb. Yes.
- Mm-hmm.

824
00:41:02,121 --> 00:41:03,654
You two need any help?

825
00:41:03,655 --> 00:41:05,190
Uh, no, no, we're good.

826
00:41:05,191 --> 00:41:06,990
She just takes a while to make a decision.

827
00:41:06,991 --> 00:41:08,794
- I do.
- Yeah, you got it. Yeah.

828
00:41:08,795 --> 00:41:10,894
So I'm like "Well do you
wanna go see something else?"

829
00:41:10,895 --> 00:41:11,929
And then she says...

830
00:41:11,930 --> 00:41:14,165
Why haven't we had sex yet?

831
00:41:14,166 --> 00:41:15,201
<i>Do you just want to be friends?</i>

832
00:41:15,202 --> 00:41:18,236
<i>'Cause honestly I
have enough friends.</i>

833
00:41:18,237 --> 00:41:20,293
Where are you right now?

834
00:41:23,208 --> 00:41:25,432
Oh, my God!

835
00:41:31,283 --> 00:41:32,850
Oh!

836
00:41:32,851 --> 00:41:34,552
That was awesome.

837
00:41:34,553 --> 00:41:36,009
Oh, my God.

838
00:41:36,754 --> 00:41:38,745
Oh, golly...

839
00:41:39,825 --> 00:41:42,861
Oh, sorry if I was too
noisy, but that was like...

840
00:41:42,862 --> 00:41:44,561
I don't know what got into me.

841
00:41:44,562 --> 00:41:45,653
Hey.

842
00:41:46,231 --> 00:41:48,288
Did you, uh...

843
00:41:48,933 --> 00:41:50,602
- No.
- Oh.

844
00:41:50,603 --> 00:41:52,538
But don't take it personally.

845
00:41:52,539 --> 00:41:54,762
I don't orgasm during sex that much.

846
00:41:55,775 --> 00:41:59,076
So? Lots of women don't cum during sex.

847
00:41:59,077 --> 00:42:02,281
So? No, no, no. That has
never happened to me before.

848
00:42:02,282 --> 00:42:03,649
<i>What positions did you do?</i>

849
00:42:03,650 --> 00:42:05,316
Um. No. We did everything.

850
00:42:05,317 --> 00:42:06,050
But, what's your favorite position?

851
00:42:06,051 --> 00:42:08,553
I don't know. The regular one?

852
00:42:08,554 --> 00:42:11,723
The regular. Come on.

853
00:42:11,724 --> 00:42:14,158
- From behind.
- Exactly. Because you hate your dad.

854
00:42:14,159 --> 00:42:15,893
Oh, my God.

855
00:42:15,894 --> 00:42:17,129
<i>Mousetrap!</i>

856
00:42:17,130 --> 00:42:18,695
- All set.
- Hmm.

857
00:42:18,696 --> 00:42:20,965
And can I just say, we think you two

858
00:42:20,966 --> 00:42:23,968
are the coolest married couple ever.

859
00:42:23,969 --> 00:42:25,770
- That's... We don't get that enough.
- So sweet.

860
00:42:25,771 --> 00:42:26,704
- Thank you.
- That's really sweet.

861
00:42:26,705 --> 00:42:27,940
- Yeah. Happy holidays.
- Let's go, hon.

862
00:42:27,941 --> 00:42:29,308
Happy holidays. Yes.

863
00:42:29,309 --> 00:42:31,176
I will just meet you
out by, uh, our minivan.

864
00:42:31,177 --> 00:42:32,709
- I'll meet you out front.
- Okay, great.

865
00:42:32,710 --> 00:42:34,013
- I'll have to move the car seat.
- Mm-hmm.

866
00:42:34,014 --> 00:42:35,979
- And then there will be plenty of room.
- A whole thing.

867
00:42:35,980 --> 00:42:37,915
Bye.

868
00:42:37,916 --> 00:42:40,218
Car seat? We already have a kid?

869
00:42:40,219 --> 00:42:42,619
You know, it's just
like... When do you orgasm?

870
00:42:42,620 --> 00:42:43,656
You know what, when does it happen to you?

871
00:42:43,657 --> 00:42:46,624
- When I'm with Matthew.
- Yeah, yeah, okay.

872
00:42:46,625 --> 00:42:47,715
That's it.

873
00:42:48,927 --> 00:42:50,894
That's it?

874
00:42:50,895 --> 00:42:52,663
Okay, well, that just explained everything.

875
00:42:52,664 --> 00:42:56,835
That... that's... I mean you
haven't had an orgasm in a year.

876
00:42:56,836 --> 00:43:00,104
<i>Come on, that's bullshit.
Not even when you masturbate?</i>

877
00:43:00,106 --> 00:43:02,239
<i>Lainey, you've got to be kidding me!</i>

878
00:43:02,240 --> 00:43:04,308
What you don't mastur... Why not?

879
00:43:04,309 --> 00:43:07,212
What... I don't kno...
I mean, I've tried to!

880
00:43:07,213 --> 00:43:10,616
I try. I just, I don't know, I... I...

881
00:43:10,617 --> 00:43:12,282
- I get bored.
- Bored?

882
00:43:12,283 --> 00:43:15,019
- But I feel good when I'm with Matthew.
- How's that boring?

883
00:43:15,020 --> 00:43:17,188
I don't... I don't know. I don't
know how to recreate that myself.

884
00:43:17,189 --> 00:43:19,625
Okay. Well, fuck the TV.

885
00:43:19,626 --> 00:43:21,024
I'm gonna teach you how
to finger yourself today.

886
00:43:21,025 --> 00:43:23,060
Right now, okay?

887
00:43:23,061 --> 00:43:26,131
- What?
- It's... it's go time, sister.

888
00:43:26,132 --> 00:43:28,899
- Alright. Let's go. Alright.
- Okay.

889
00:43:28,900 --> 00:43:30,067
- No, no. This is a good thing.
- Oh, boy.

890
00:43:30,068 --> 00:43:31,335
It's about time. Get it out.

891
00:43:31,336 --> 00:43:32,669
- Okay.
- I'm excited.

892
00:43:32,670 --> 00:43:34,739
For the purposes of today's tutorial

893
00:43:34,740 --> 00:43:36,741
your vagina will be played by this

894
00:43:36,742 --> 00:43:38,843
former bottle of green tea.

895
00:43:38,844 --> 00:43:40,344
- Looks just like it.
- Okay. Good to know.

896
00:43:40,345 --> 00:43:41,311
So, here's what we do.

897
00:43:41,312 --> 00:43:43,680
First thing, you take, uh, take this guy...

898
00:43:43,681 --> 00:43:45,716
this, uh, index finger
and you're gonna just, uh

899
00:43:45,717 --> 00:43:47,684
slide in there... like that, okay?

900
00:43:47,685 --> 00:43:48,654
And you're gonna curve it up a little bit

901
00:43:48,655 --> 00:43:50,922
and I want you to tap the roof like that.

902
00:43:50,923 --> 00:43:53,323
You see that? That's your G
Spot alright, you got that?

903
00:43:53,324 --> 00:43:54,859
- Yeah. I'll check it out.
- Okay, good.

904
00:43:54,860 --> 00:43:56,661
Alright, now, next move,
alright, you're gonna take

905
00:43:56,662 --> 00:43:58,663
the middle finger here, alright?
And you know, the bad boy, right?

906
00:43:58,664 --> 00:44:00,265
You're gonna have to pop that in as well

907
00:44:00,266 --> 00:44:01,832
and you're gonna have
that one tapping the roof

908
00:44:01,833 --> 00:44:04,201
and then this one, the
middle finger is going to be

909
00:44:04,202 --> 00:44:07,672
you know, sort of circling, uh,
this, uh, just like fleshy gap area.

910
00:44:07,673 --> 00:44:09,706
- My cervix? Jesus.
- Yeah, sure.

911
00:44:09,707 --> 00:44:12,009
Okay, y-you know what it's
called. Wonderful. Good for you.

912
00:44:12,010 --> 00:44:13,878
Okay, yes, so you're gonna
go after the cervix here.

913
00:44:13,879 --> 00:44:16,214
So you're gonna mind the
gap, right, tap the roof.

914
00:44:16,215 --> 00:44:19,451
- "Mind the gap. Tap the roof."
- You got it.

915
00:44:19,452 --> 00:44:21,953
Alright, now, at this point you wanna start
thinking about something, uh, arousing.

916
00:44:21,954 --> 00:44:23,788
You know, like, uh, maybe
you wanna think about

917
00:44:23,789 --> 00:44:25,690
the guy you lost your virginity to perhaps.

918
00:44:25,691 --> 00:44:27,426
- Gross.
- Okay, and then you're gonna start to get wet.

919
00:44:27,427 --> 00:44:28,460
You're gonna start to get wet

920
00:44:28,461 --> 00:44:30,861
and then you're gonna
start to feel some, uh...

921
00:44:30,862 --> 00:44:32,896
contractions in your vagina, alright?

922
00:44:32,897 --> 00:44:35,232
At that point you're gonna
wanna squeeze your vagina harder

923
00:44:35,233 --> 00:44:37,435
than it wants to go, okay.

924
00:44:37,436 --> 00:44:39,471
- And that's called...
- Kegeling.

925
00:44:39,472 --> 00:44:41,806
Well, it's pronounced
"Kee-gul-ing," but it doesn't matter.

926
00:44:41,807 --> 00:44:42,940
Uh, I got into med school!

927
00:44:42,941 --> 00:44:45,276
I think I know how it's pronounced.

928
00:44:45,277 --> 00:44:47,145
What? You did? You didn't tell me that.

929
00:44:47,146 --> 00:44:49,246
Oh yeah. I got in, uh, Michigan.

930
00:44:49,247 --> 00:44:52,984
- Wow! Lane, that's great.
- I know.

931
00:44:52,985 --> 00:44:55,120
Alright.

932
00:44:55,121 --> 00:44:57,921
Well, uh, are you... I mean, are
you gonna go? What are you thinking?

933
00:44:57,922 --> 00:45:00,058
Well, I... I mean, I have until
the end of the summer to decide.

934
00:45:00,059 --> 00:45:01,225
- So, I just...
- Mm-hmm.

935
00:45:01,226 --> 00:45:03,428
- Keep going!
- Oh, right. Yeah, um...

936
00:45:03,429 --> 00:45:05,429
Okay, yeah, da, da, da. Okay, let's see.

937
00:45:05,430 --> 00:45:07,866
So, uh, do you know what a dirty DJ is?

938
00:45:07,867 --> 00:45:09,399
- No.
- You don't? Okay, great.

939
00:45:09,400 --> 00:45:11,769
Okay, so the biggest
misconception that guys

940
00:45:11,771 --> 00:45:14,071
have about the clitoris,
uh, if they can find it

941
00:45:14,072 --> 00:45:16,039
- is that they're too nice to it. Okay?
- Mm-hmm.

942
00:45:16,040 --> 00:45:17,076
Like... that's the problem.

943
00:45:17,077 --> 00:45:19,810
I mean, you know, the
trick is to be a little

944
00:45:19,811 --> 00:45:20,945
rude to the clitoris, okay?

945
00:45:20,946 --> 00:45:22,080
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

946
00:45:22,081 --> 00:45:24,815
Just go to town on this
little motherfucker right here.

947
00:45:24,816 --> 00:45:25,917
You just... like you
just... Tweet, tweet, tweet.

948
00:45:25,918 --> 00:45:27,118
You know, so that's the dirty DJ.

949
00:45:27,119 --> 00:45:28,419
You know, like you're scratching
a record. You know, this...

950
00:45:28,421 --> 00:45:30,844
Tweet tweet tweet.

951
00:45:31,523 --> 00:45:33,024
Let... let... let the drummer...

952
00:45:33,025 --> 00:45:35,893
Let... let... let the
drummer get wicked, right?

953
00:45:35,894 --> 00:45:37,261
And you just really wanna
work that little bugger.

954
00:45:37,262 --> 00:45:39,464
You know, remember like
the old IBM ThinkPads?

955
00:45:39,465 --> 00:45:41,199
- Mm-hmm.
- And that little nub. Right?

956
00:45:41,200 --> 00:45:43,100
Okay, so you just really
go after it like that.

957
00:45:43,101 --> 00:45:44,368
- Just like this. Yeah.
- Yeah.

958
00:45:44,369 --> 00:45:47,338
Right, so, uh, you have that
that's... that's phase three.

959
00:45:47,339 --> 00:45:49,841
- Mm-hmm.
- So, again, you know... Yeah, perfect.

960
00:45:49,842 --> 00:45:52,042
- Natural. Okay? Yeah, so tap the roof.
- I know.

961
00:45:52,043 --> 00:45:54,379
Mind the gap. Oh, see.
Okay, yeah. Work all three.

962
00:45:54,380 --> 00:45:56,413
- He's there.
- Look at that. It's like you're doing...

963
00:45:56,414 --> 00:45:58,015
- Right there.
- Oh boy, oh boy.

964
00:45:58,016 --> 00:46:01,118
It's like, I feel like
Anne Sullivan teaching

965
00:46:01,119 --> 00:46:03,154
Helen Keller about water and
everything else is amazing.

966
00:46:03,155 --> 00:46:04,321
- What a breakthrough!
- Mm-hmm.

967
00:46:04,322 --> 00:46:05,356
- Yeah, that's it.
- Like that?

968
00:46:05,357 --> 00:46:06,857
Yeah, you know, just take a night

969
00:46:06,858 --> 00:46:09,928
crack open a bottle of rose and...

970
00:46:09,929 --> 00:46:12,496
just have multiple orgasms.

971
00:46:12,497 --> 00:46:15,590
If you want, you know... You know...

972
00:46:19,137 --> 00:46:21,506
Uh, primatologists actually
believed that... that

973
00:46:21,507 --> 00:46:26,111
women evolved this way so that, uh...

974
00:46:26,112 --> 00:46:29,435
they could mate with as many
men in one session as possible.

975
00:46:30,483 --> 00:46:32,417
- Fucking awesome. You know that's...
- Yeah.

976
00:46:32,418 --> 00:46:36,154
- That's neat.
- Multiple orgasms for multiple partners, you know.

977
00:46:36,155 --> 00:46:38,256
Sure, yeah.

978
00:46:38,257 --> 00:46:41,124
Gang bangs, and such.

979
00:46:41,126 --> 00:46:42,616
Yeah.

980
00:46:44,963 --> 00:46:47,065
- I'm gonna go home.
- Yeah. Me too.

981
00:46:47,066 --> 00:46:48,899
- No, no. You live here.
- Yes I do!

982
00:46:48,900 --> 00:46:49,934
- Okay.
- Bye!

983
00:46:49,935 --> 00:46:51,002
- Bye now.
- Thank you.

984
00:46:51,003 --> 00:46:52,493
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

985
00:46:55,273 --> 00:46:57,107
<i>I think... I think
it's a little bit weird</i>

986
00:46:57,108 --> 00:46:58,309
<i>that a straight dude had
to tell you all that.</i>

987
00:46:58,310 --> 00:47:00,511
I think it's sort of great.

988
00:47:00,512 --> 00:47:02,881
I mean, he's... he's actually
dating. He's not cheating.

989
00:47:02,882 --> 00:47:05,449
And I... and I hardly think
about Matthew. Like ever.

990
00:47:05,450 --> 00:47:07,352
Yeah, 'cause you're in a
relationship with each other.

991
00:47:07,353 --> 00:47:09,220
No, we're not.

992
00:47:09,221 --> 00:47:10,855
Oh, you're not out there!

993
00:47:10,856 --> 00:47:13,257
I mean, this Jake guy
is taking up emotional

994
00:47:13,258 --> 00:47:16,227
real estate that could be
occupied by a real option, okay?

995
00:47:16,228 --> 00:47:17,562
You leased the space out to Matthew.

996
00:47:17,563 --> 00:47:19,297
Rent free I might add.

997
00:47:19,298 --> 00:47:21,565
And now, you... you just
replaced him with another

998
00:47:21,566 --> 00:47:25,136
unavailable avoidant
breeder you don't fuck.

999
00:47:25,137 --> 00:47:28,172
- Like where's the fucking...
- Hey babe. Sorry, I'm late.

1000
00:47:28,173 --> 00:47:29,540
Look at this little baby face.

1001
00:47:29,541 --> 00:47:31,509
It's beautiful. Oh, my God.

1002
00:47:31,510 --> 00:47:33,244
Very sick in the head though.

1003
00:47:33,245 --> 00:47:35,112
Very sick in the head.

1004
00:47:35,113 --> 00:47:37,915
- How's your fake boyfriend?
- Oh, my God!

1005
00:47:37,916 --> 00:47:40,885
- We're just friends!
- Men and women can't be friends.

1006
00:47:40,886 --> 00:47:42,253
It's like life 101. Stop lying to yourself.

1007
00:47:42,254 --> 00:47:45,323
Come one! That's bullshit.
It's the 21st century.

1008
00:47:45,324 --> 00:47:47,591
We know that's not true.
You and I are friends.

1009
00:47:47,592 --> 00:47:50,161
But sex doesn't get in
the way of our friendship.

1010
00:47:50,162 --> 00:47:52,429
I'm not attracted to you.
And I have zero penises.

1011
00:47:52,430 --> 00:47:55,365
- I am.
- Hi, George.

1012
00:47:55,366 --> 00:47:57,435
- Hi, it's me. Your girlfriend.
- What? Oh!

1013
00:47:57,436 --> 00:47:59,170
I like bad girls with daddy issues.

1014
00:47:59,171 --> 00:48:00,971
She's 22, she'll fuck anyone.

1015
00:48:00,972 --> 00:48:02,907
- Wait. I'm sorry, no.
- You know.

1016
00:48:02,908 --> 00:48:05,999
Serious, she's probably fucked
everyone in here but I don't even care.

1017
00:48:09,381 --> 00:48:11,116
You got a minute?

1018
00:48:11,117 --> 00:48:13,906
Not really. I'm kind of
in the middle of something.

1019
00:48:14,652 --> 00:48:17,021
- I was thinking.
- Oh, yeah?

1020
00:48:17,022 --> 00:48:19,946
Do you wanna come to Henry's
birthday party this weekend?

1021
00:48:20,658 --> 00:48:22,594
- Really?
- <i>Yep.</i>

1022
00:48:22,595 --> 00:48:24,495
Xander, in the 8 years
I've known you as a father

1023
00:48:24,496 --> 00:48:27,598
you have never once invited me to
any function involving your children.

1024
00:48:27,599 --> 00:48:30,133
- Hear me out. I was thinking.
- <i>Mm-hmm.</i>

1025
00:48:30,135 --> 00:48:32,202
Maybe you and Lainey...

1026
00:48:32,203 --> 00:48:35,239
Ah, I knew it! No. See,
Lainey and I are not dating.

1027
00:48:35,240 --> 00:48:37,641
I know that. I'm not
saying you have to date her.

1028
00:48:37,642 --> 00:48:39,209
I'm not saying you have
to come as a couple.

1029
00:48:39,210 --> 00:48:42,212
I'm just saying arrive
at the party together.

1030
00:48:42,213 --> 00:48:44,549
Come as friends or whatever this
fucked up thing you guys have...

1031
00:48:44,550 --> 00:48:46,984
- We're... we're best friends.
- <i>No, we're best friends!</i>

1032
00:48:46,985 --> 00:48:49,286
- That's not true.
- <i>What?</i>

1033
00:48:49,287 --> 00:48:51,689
Look, she's my best friend and I would say

1034
00:48:51,690 --> 00:48:53,691
by circumstance and certainly duration

1035
00:48:53,692 --> 00:48:55,393
you would be my next best friend.

1036
00:48:55,394 --> 00:48:57,995
Okay, you know what, I'll even allow that.

1037
00:48:57,996 --> 00:49:02,000
- You're my last single friend, I can't have you...
- So what?

1038
00:49:02,001 --> 00:49:03,100
- Hey.
- What are you talking about?

1039
00:49:03,101 --> 00:49:05,536
- Yes.
- We have a meeting with group sales in 20.

1040
00:49:05,537 --> 00:49:06,370
- Are you two prepared.
- Huh?

1041
00:49:06,371 --> 00:49:07,604
Not at all.

1042
00:49:07,605 --> 00:49:09,974
Should I reschedule the meeting

1043
00:49:09,975 --> 00:49:11,643
when you are ready? 5 or 6 months from now?

1044
00:49:11,644 --> 00:49:13,545
I would make it a cool 7.

1045
00:49:13,546 --> 00:49:15,279
Yeah, 7 at least.

1046
00:49:15,280 --> 00:49:18,049
Shit, I'm not available
then. Oh, well, I tried.

1047
00:49:18,050 --> 00:49:19,484
See you in 20?

1048
00:49:19,485 --> 00:49:21,084
You got it, boss.

1049
00:49:21,085 --> 00:49:24,354
- Oh, yeah. Mousetrap.
- What the fuck is that?

1050
00:49:24,355 --> 00:49:27,424
- That was repartee.
- That's... that's exactly why I can't have you at the party.

1051
00:49:27,425 --> 00:49:29,294
Because you have repartee with everybody.

1052
00:49:29,295 --> 00:49:31,129
You love repartee.

1053
00:49:31,130 --> 00:49:33,330
All you want to do is flit around the party

1054
00:49:33,331 --> 00:49:35,264
flirt with the moms.

1055
00:49:35,265 --> 00:49:38,001
<i>And then they all get mad, and
then they turn on each other.</i>

1056
00:49:38,002 --> 00:49:41,071
Then they yell at Naomi,
then Naomi yells at me.

1057
00:49:41,072 --> 00:49:43,374
Then they won't let their
kids play with my kids.

1058
00:49:43,375 --> 00:49:46,276
Then I have to play with my kids
because my kids have no friends.

1059
00:49:46,277 --> 00:49:49,246
I'm raising friendless
children because of you.

1060
00:49:49,247 --> 00:49:50,381
- Do you understand?
- <i>I...</i>

1061
00:49:50,382 --> 00:49:54,017
It is a cascading shit
storm that is your creation.

1062
00:49:54,018 --> 00:49:57,589
A tremendous amount of Malcolm
Gladwellian logic jumps.

1063
00:49:57,590 --> 00:50:01,625
We'll you've spent 10,000
hours fucking my life up.

1064
00:50:01,626 --> 00:50:04,129
- <i>So bring Lainey to the party.</i>
- Okay. Fine.

1065
00:50:04,130 --> 00:50:07,197
I will, uh, you know, on
behalf of your children and...

1066
00:50:07,198 --> 00:50:09,167
and Naomi, I will, uh...

1067
00:50:09,168 --> 00:50:10,335
I'll talk to Lainey and see what we can do.

1068
00:50:10,336 --> 00:50:14,137
Listen, I'm not saying you
and Lainey need to date.

1069
00:50:14,139 --> 00:50:16,540
I'm just saying, for the first time

1070
00:50:16,541 --> 00:50:18,664
I'm a little bit optimistic...

1071
00:50:19,412 --> 00:50:22,169
you might not become that creepy guy.

1072
00:50:22,580 --> 00:50:24,048
But he's got a point.

1073
00:50:24,049 --> 00:50:26,149
I'm gonna be the creepy old dude!

1074
00:50:26,151 --> 00:50:28,353
Like, that's sucks and then what happens

1075
00:50:28,354 --> 00:50:30,522
when my dick doesn't get
as hard as it used to, okay.

1076
00:50:30,523 --> 00:50:32,789
'Cause that's gonna happen. It's
gonna happen, it's inevitable.

1077
00:50:32,791 --> 00:50:34,525
And... and young chicks
don't put up with that shit

1078
00:50:34,526 --> 00:50:36,194
they have no time for that.

1079
00:50:36,195 --> 00:50:38,295
And older women are gonna be

1080
00:50:38,296 --> 00:50:40,597
no way near into my nonsense. Okay?

1081
00:50:40,598 --> 00:50:42,567
Just not into it at all.

1082
00:50:42,568 --> 00:50:44,201
It's... it's at that point, what do I do?

1083
00:50:44,202 --> 00:50:46,404
I just buy the fedora
and move to Miami, right?

1084
00:50:46,405 --> 00:50:48,138
Make a golf cart in my
own motor transportation.

1085
00:50:48,139 --> 00:50:49,540
I've never seen you like this.
I... I... you're spinning.

1086
00:50:49,541 --> 00:50:51,643
- I can't believe it. I mean...
- You're spinning, and honestly.

1087
00:50:51,644 --> 00:50:52,743
Get... get lucky and... and happy about...

1088
00:50:52,744 --> 00:50:53,610
Honestly you sound like a woman.

1089
00:50:53,611 --> 00:50:54,578
You know, bachelor, bachelor parties

1090
00:50:54,579 --> 00:50:57,147
for people third marriages. Like, that's...

1091
00:50:57,148 --> 00:50:59,205
What... what is that? That's crazy.

1092
00:51:00,151 --> 00:51:02,286
- It's him.
- Him who?

1093
00:51:03,521 --> 00:51:05,156
He never calls. He always texts.

1094
00:51:05,157 --> 00:51:06,622
Okay, no! Don't... don't answer that.

1095
00:51:06,623 --> 00:51:07,591
- Jake! Jake!
- Don't answer it. No.

1096
00:51:07,592 --> 00:51:09,093
- Give me the phone!
- No. Absolutely...

1097
00:51:09,095 --> 00:51:09,962
Lainey, what are you doing?

1098
00:51:09,963 --> 00:51:12,196
Hey, you don't do this anymore, okay?

1099
00:51:12,197 --> 00:51:13,463
Remember? We're okay.

1100
00:51:13,465 --> 00:51:14,433
I'm sorry, yeah.

1101
00:51:14,434 --> 00:51:15,365
You got to breathe. Lainey, please breathe.

1102
00:51:15,366 --> 00:51:17,733
- Is there a problem?
- What? Uh, yeah.

1103
00:51:17,734 --> 00:51:19,504
My wife, she's prone to panic attacks.

1104
00:51:19,505 --> 00:51:22,239
It's this guy she's sleeping
with. Uh, it's alright.

1105
00:51:22,240 --> 00:51:25,176
Okay, it's... Hey dude get
the fuck out of here, I got it.

1106
00:51:25,177 --> 00:51:26,478
- Oh, easy. Alright, alright.
- Okay? Thank you.

1107
00:51:26,479 --> 00:51:30,315
I appreciate you concern,
Superman! Fly away.

1108
00:51:30,316 --> 00:51:33,118
Baby, just breath, okay? Will you? Okay?

1109
00:51:33,119 --> 00:51:34,886
Okay? Here. Come on, sit down.

1110
00:51:34,887 --> 00:51:36,420
You're gonna be okay. It's alright.

1111
00:51:36,421 --> 00:51:39,122
You just got to breathe. Please. Okay?

1112
00:51:39,124 --> 00:51:40,891
Okay?

1113
00:51:40,892 --> 00:51:43,261
Yeah. There you go.

1114
00:51:43,262 --> 00:51:45,529
Lainey, this is just fear, alright?

1115
00:51:45,530 --> 00:51:48,921
A really, really large dose of fear.

1116
00:51:51,137 --> 00:51:52,669
That's all that's going on.

1117
00:51:52,670 --> 00:51:54,671
A little adrenaline, in a bad way.

1118
00:51:54,672 --> 00:51:56,697
Does that make sense?

1119
00:51:58,408 --> 00:52:00,377
Also...

1120
00:52:00,378 --> 00:52:02,346
mousetrap.

1121
00:52:02,347 --> 00:52:05,148
Complete and total mousetrap right now.

1122
00:52:05,150 --> 00:52:08,386
- Oh, my God.
- Stop. You're so fucked up.

1123
00:52:08,387 --> 00:52:10,254
I'm fucked up? What are you talking about?

1124
00:52:10,255 --> 00:52:12,524
You... you went Kathy Bates in "Misery"

1125
00:52:12,525 --> 00:52:13,590
in the middle of Central Park.

1126
00:52:13,591 --> 00:52:16,493
You know... come on.
Maybe we're both fucked up.

1127
00:52:16,494 --> 00:52:18,663
At least give me that. Come
on. You wanna get out of here?

1128
00:52:18,664 --> 00:52:21,165
Yeah, Central Park sucks.

1129
00:52:21,166 --> 00:52:23,835
No, it's... I mean, it's just
a goddamn bird toilet anyway.

1130
00:52:23,836 --> 00:52:25,636
You know, it's... ugh!

1131
00:52:25,637 --> 00:52:28,929
Almost done. Just one more.

1132
00:52:34,280 --> 00:52:36,381
<i>This is the greatest
movie ever made.</i>

1133
00:52:36,382 --> 00:52:37,681
Yeah, of course you love it.

1134
00:52:37,682 --> 00:52:39,683
- Look at her.
- <i>God I love you.</i>

1135
00:52:39,684 --> 00:52:41,286
That's you, baby.

1136
00:52:41,287 --> 00:52:44,111
I love you! I'm gonna
murder you while I love you.

1137
00:52:45,423 --> 00:52:47,192
That's the second time you said that. Hmm.

1138
00:52:47,193 --> 00:52:48,348
Said what?

1139
00:52:49,295 --> 00:52:50,894
You called me baby just now.

1140
00:52:50,895 --> 00:52:53,864
And you said it the other day too.

1141
00:52:53,865 --> 00:52:55,465
- I'm sorry.
- It's okay.

1142
00:52:55,467 --> 00:52:56,868
No, I mean, it was a total accident.

1143
00:52:56,869 --> 00:52:57,901
- I don't...
- That's okay.

1144
00:52:57,902 --> 00:53:00,360
- I don't know why I would...
- Oh.

1145
00:53:01,307 --> 00:53:03,363
- Yeah.
- Oh.

1146
00:53:14,353 --> 00:53:16,410
Do you want talk about it?

1147
00:53:19,325 --> 00:53:20,747
Talk about what?

1148
00:53:22,260 --> 00:53:25,317
We're not a couple bur we act like one.

1149
00:53:31,436 --> 00:53:32,669
Yeah.

1150
00:53:32,670 --> 00:53:35,295
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um...

1151
00:53:36,874 --> 00:53:38,375
I mean, I guess I've been...

1152
00:53:38,376 --> 00:53:39,877
putting this
conversation off for a while.

1153
00:53:39,878 --> 00:53:41,745
- We don't have to...
- No. No. No. It's good.

1154
00:53:41,746 --> 00:53:44,004
It's good. We should. Um...

1155
00:53:46,552 --> 00:53:49,042
Um, okay, well...

1156
00:53:50,856 --> 00:53:53,457
You take this risk...

1157
00:53:53,458 --> 00:53:55,425
when you start sleeping with people.

1158
00:53:55,426 --> 00:53:57,327
You know, you, uh...

1159
00:53:57,328 --> 00:53:59,796
you risk losing them, right?

1160
00:53:59,798 --> 00:54:02,466
For me, I... you know, I've...
never slept with someone

1161
00:54:02,467 --> 00:54:04,457
I wasn't willing to lose.

1162
00:54:06,603 --> 00:54:09,029
Except one time.

1163
00:54:10,008 --> 00:54:11,832
And, um...

1164
00:54:13,512 --> 00:54:18,049
And it... kills me that you're
probably gonna go to Michigan.

1165
00:54:18,050 --> 00:54:19,983
And it kills me that
I can't ask you to stay

1166
00:54:19,984 --> 00:54:22,687
because I have no right
to, you know, and...

1167
00:54:22,688 --> 00:54:24,388
Oh.

1168
00:54:24,389 --> 00:54:26,857
So I just want to ...spend as much time

1169
00:54:26,858 --> 00:54:29,951
with my best friend as I possibly can.

1170
00:54:30,895 --> 00:54:33,453
Before I lose her again.

1171
00:54:36,869 --> 00:54:38,803
I'm sorry. I'm being
selfish. I know it's like...

1172
00:54:38,804 --> 00:54:41,329
No. You're telling the truth.

1173
00:54:43,007 --> 00:54:45,642
Yeah.

1174
00:54:45,643 --> 00:54:49,047
♪ All in your arm it is ♪

1175
00:54:49,048 --> 00:54:52,014
♪ All in your arms ♪

1176
00:54:52,015 --> 00:54:55,353
♪ You look so tired living ♪

1177
00:54:55,354 --> 00:54:58,623
So what now?

1178
00:54:58,624 --> 00:55:02,426
♪ Like a kite ♪

1179
00:55:02,427 --> 00:55:04,428
♪ Kite ♪

1180
00:55:04,429 --> 00:55:06,064
♪ Kite ♪

1181
00:55:06,065 --> 00:55:09,257
♪ Kite ♪♪

1182
00:55:17,709 --> 00:55:19,776
- Hey, I got an idea.
- Hmm.

1183
00:55:19,778 --> 00:55:22,369
Will you...

1184
00:55:25,351 --> 00:55:28,952
take Molly with me and
go to a kid's birthday party?

1185
00:55:28,953 --> 00:55:32,457
I literally thought you'd never ask.

1186
00:55:32,458 --> 00:55:33,524
You thought I'd never get to this?

1187
00:55:33,525 --> 00:55:35,791
I thought you'd never get to this.

1188
00:55:35,792 --> 00:55:37,462
Where have you been all my life?

1189
00:55:37,463 --> 00:55:38,951
I...

1190
00:55:39,864 --> 00:55:42,132
Right over your shoulder.

1191
00:55:42,133 --> 00:55:43,667
Waiting.

1192
00:55:43,668 --> 00:55:46,136
For the right moment.

1193
00:55:46,137 --> 00:55:47,404
Is that a yes or a no?

1194
00:55:50,541 --> 00:55:53,678
- Happy birthday!
- Happy birthday!

1195
00:55:53,679 --> 00:55:56,147
Look who it is. Look at
this little human here.

1196
00:55:56,148 --> 00:55:57,848
- Hello. Happy birthday.
- Hi. Happy birthday!

1197
00:55:57,849 --> 00:55:59,583
- It's you're birthday!
- It's you're birthday!

1198
00:55:59,584 --> 00:56:01,386
Actually, it's, uh, it's Henry's.

1199
00:56:01,387 --> 00:56:03,687
- He's seven. She's not seven.
- Oh.

1200
00:56:03,688 --> 00:56:05,056
But, you know, I'm so
happy you guys are here.

1201
00:56:05,057 --> 00:56:08,593
Oh, my God. Are you guys high?

1202
00:56:08,594 --> 00:56:10,894
- We're actually rolling.
- Ecstasy?

1203
00:56:10,895 --> 00:56:12,995
You know, that's how
actually Henry was conceived.

1204
00:56:12,996 --> 00:56:14,498
- No kidding.
- Yeah.

1205
00:56:14,499 --> 00:56:16,033
- Well that explains a lot.
- Full circle.

1206
00:56:16,034 --> 00:56:18,001
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Don't have a baby, guys.

1207
00:56:18,002 --> 00:56:20,670
No offense, but seriously, just...

1208
00:56:20,671 --> 00:56:22,138
- Yeah.
- Be safe. You know what I mean.

1209
00:56:22,139 --> 00:56:25,008
- But I'm so happy you guys are here. Okay.
- It's so good to see you.

1210
00:56:25,009 --> 00:56:27,044
Oh, transformers guy didn't show up...

1211
00:56:27,045 --> 00:56:29,679
- Are you kidding?
- No, no, no. Oh, my God.

1212
00:56:29,680 --> 00:56:31,315
- Just kidding. No. Okay.
- It feels soft and smooth.

1213
00:56:31,316 --> 00:56:34,185
No, and so there's a little bit of a
meltdown. It's a little bit of a crisis.

1214
00:56:34,186 --> 00:56:35,986
- Hey, here you go.
- Oh, is this for Henry?

1215
00:56:35,987 --> 00:56:37,621
- Yeah.
- Oh, great.

1216
00:56:37,622 --> 00:56:39,690
He loves New York ladies flip flops.

1217
00:56:39,691 --> 00:56:41,426
Oh, no, no, no. Those are mine.
Those are for me. Those are me.

1218
00:56:41,427 --> 00:56:42,127
Sorry, that shouldn't be in there.

1219
00:56:42,128 --> 00:56:42,960
It's just a shitload of candy.

1220
00:56:42,961 --> 00:56:45,562
Great. Okay. Um, that'll be nice.

1221
00:56:45,563 --> 00:56:47,998
- Are those hot pads also for Henry?
- Yes.

1222
00:56:47,999 --> 00:56:50,133
- Okay.
- Can I just hold them now?

1223
00:56:50,135 --> 00:56:51,767
Sure. Okay, come in.

1224
00:56:51,768 --> 00:56:55,137
<i>Okay, hopefully she
goes down for her nap.</i>

1225
00:56:55,138 --> 00:56:58,109
- Okay. Oh, my God.
- Oh, man, it's broken.

1226
00:56:58,110 --> 00:57:00,178
- Oh, wow. This is...
- That kid has a hose.

1227
00:57:00,179 --> 00:57:02,013
- Oh!
- That kid has a hose.

1228
00:57:02,014 --> 00:57:03,213
You guys made it, huh?

1229
00:57:03,214 --> 00:57:06,884
Welcome to the hell scape that
is my son's birthday party.

1230
00:57:06,885 --> 00:57:08,553
It's birth control.

1231
00:57:08,554 --> 00:57:10,821
Okay, when I say "Hello," you say "Hi."

1232
00:57:10,822 --> 00:57:12,222
- Hello!
- Hi!

1233
00:57:12,223 --> 00:57:13,857
- Hello!
- Hi!

1234
00:57:13,858 --> 00:57:16,460
I'm Miss Dalton! So, you say "Hi."

1235
00:57:16,461 --> 00:57:19,061
- Hi, Miss Dalton!
- Hi, Miss Dalton!

1236
00:57:19,062 --> 00:57:20,565
Great! Okay, who wants to learn a dance!

1237
00:57:20,566 --> 00:57:21,998
- Me!
- Yes!

1238
00:57:21,999 --> 00:57:23,700
Okay, everybody go out to the grass.

1239
00:57:23,701 --> 00:57:27,571
I will meet you there.
I will be right there.

1240
00:57:27,572 --> 00:57:30,741
Naomi, put on track 7 on my workout mix.

1241
00:57:30,742 --> 00:57:32,743
Wait. Hey, Lainey. You...
you don't have to do this.

1242
00:57:32,744 --> 00:57:34,610
It's not your responsibility.

1243
00:57:34,611 --> 00:57:37,848
Okay, relax. I do this for a living.

1244
00:57:37,849 --> 00:57:40,116
Also, 2 minutes ago, I accepted

1245
00:57:40,117 --> 00:57:42,486
my body for the first time.

1246
00:57:42,487 --> 00:57:44,720
- That a girl!
- <i>Okay.</i>

1247
00:57:44,721 --> 00:57:47,823
- She dances for a living?
- No, deals with kids.

1248
00:57:47,825 --> 00:57:49,992
She told me to relax, and the word lasted

1249
00:57:49,993 --> 00:57:52,017
for like 4 seconds.

1250
00:57:52,831 --> 00:57:54,264
Okay, okay. Great.

1251
00:57:54,265 --> 00:57:55,933
Alright. Are you guys
ready to learn a dance?

1252
00:57:55,934 --> 00:57:57,567
- Yeah!
- Yes!

1253
00:57:57,568 --> 00:57:58,902
Okay. This is good.

1254
00:57:58,903 --> 00:58:01,905
Because everyone likes
a person that can dance.

1255
00:58:01,906 --> 00:58:04,674
And this dance you can do anywhere.

1256
00:58:04,675 --> 00:58:06,543
All you need is your...

1257
00:58:06,544 --> 00:58:08,712
<i>- Body!
- Yes.</i>

1258
00:58:08,713 --> 00:58:10,614
And... and just a little...

1259
00:58:10,615 --> 00:58:12,648
- Music!
- Yes! Yes!

1260
00:58:12,649 --> 00:58:14,150
Okay, are you guys
ready to learn the moves?

1261
00:58:14,151 --> 00:58:15,017
- Ready to learn some moves?
- Yes!

1262
00:58:15,018 --> 00:58:16,786
Yes! Okay.

1263
00:58:16,787 --> 00:58:18,522
Let's do this!

1264
00:58:23,128 --> 00:58:26,062
♪ I know when to go out ♪

1265
00:58:26,063 --> 00:58:28,732
♪ I know when to stay in ♪

1266
00:58:28,733 --> 00:58:30,666
On my count.

1267
00:58:30,667 --> 00:58:31,801
Here we go!

1268
00:58:31,802 --> 00:58:34,204
5, 6, 7, 8.

1269
00:58:34,205 --> 00:58:36,873
♪ I catch the paper boy ♪

1270
00:58:36,874 --> 00:58:39,243
♪ But things don't really change ♪

1271
00:58:39,244 --> 00:58:42,078
♪ I'm standing in the wind ♪

1272
00:58:42,079 --> 00:58:45,037
♪ But I never wave bye bye ♪

1273
00:58:47,753 --> 00:58:50,787
♪ But I try I try ♪

1274
00:58:50,789 --> 00:58:54,323
- Ugh, I miss drugs.
- Why don't we do drugs?

1275
00:58:54,324 --> 00:58:56,059
Because he have to control these lives

1276
00:58:56,060 --> 00:58:58,763
that we gave birth to.

1277
00:58:58,764 --> 00:59:00,297
First of all, I gave birth to them.

1278
00:59:00,298 --> 00:59:02,232
- Alright, whatever.
- We gave birth to?

1279
00:59:02,233 --> 00:59:03,599
♪ It's just the power to charm ♪

1280
00:59:03,600 --> 00:59:06,136
♪ I'm lyin' in the rain ♪

1281
00:59:06,137 --> 00:59:09,194
♪ But I never wave bye bye ♪

1282
00:59:11,708 --> 00:59:14,911
♪ But I try ♪

1283
00:59:14,912 --> 00:59:17,504
♪ I try ♪♪

1284
00:59:19,350 --> 00:59:22,018
- I have not felt that free.
- Seriously.

1285
00:59:22,019 --> 00:59:24,955
- Maybe my whole life.
- What?

1286
00:59:27,659 --> 00:59:29,025
- I want that...
- Here we go. Hold it.

1287
00:59:29,026 --> 00:59:30,328
Oh. What are you doing?

1288
00:59:30,329 --> 00:59:33,763
Okay, okay, he's gonna put a stop to it.

1289
00:59:33,764 --> 00:59:35,132
Hey, alright, hey, uh...

1290
00:59:35,133 --> 00:59:36,365
Now, we're gonna have
the time to freestyle.

1291
00:59:36,366 --> 00:59:38,234
- Who knows who to freestyle?
- Me!

1292
00:59:38,235 --> 00:59:39,903
Alright... alright, grab your folks.

1293
00:59:39,904 --> 00:59:41,071
Who's the choreographer?

1294
00:59:41,072 --> 00:59:42,738
Oh, that's Jake's friend Lainey.

1295
00:59:42,739 --> 00:59:45,308
Jake's friend Lainey, who
he really wants to fuck.

1296
00:59:45,309 --> 00:59:48,045
- Yeah, really wants to get deep, deep up in there.
- Like bad.

1297
00:59:48,046 --> 00:59:49,779
- Like gross.
- Mm-hmm.

1298
00:59:49,780 --> 00:59:52,338
- So she's single?
- Oh, 100 percent.

1299
01:00:12,804 --> 01:00:14,861
This was an awful idea.

1300
01:00:15,840 --> 01:00:17,241
Oh, wow, that's weird.

1301
01:00:17,242 --> 01:00:19,743
I can hear my mom's
voice when I'm underwater.

1302
01:00:19,744 --> 01:00:21,410
Oh, that's... It is good stuff.

1303
01:00:21,411 --> 01:00:23,146
<i>Excuse me.</i>

1304
01:00:23,148 --> 01:00:24,982
I'm Chris. This is Paul.

1305
01:00:24,983 --> 01:00:26,782
Lainey. Jake.

1306
01:00:26,783 --> 01:00:30,286
Ah, hi, you two. Are you guys married?

1307
01:00:30,287 --> 01:00:33,757
This is my son, and he really liked
dancing with you. Didn't you, buddy?

1308
01:00:33,758 --> 01:00:36,027
Dude, are you really using
your kid to hit on my friend?

1309
01:00:36,028 --> 01:00:38,094
Shut up. Ignore him. He's on drugs.

1310
01:00:38,095 --> 01:00:40,297
Paul, nice to meet you.

1311
01:00:40,298 --> 01:00:42,899
We're headin' out. But here's my info.

1312
01:00:42,900 --> 01:00:45,002
In case you feel like you might need it.

1313
01:00:45,003 --> 01:00:46,837
Come on, buddy. You can drive.

1314
01:00:46,838 --> 01:00:49,272
Oh, boy, "In case you might need it?"

1315
01:00:49,273 --> 01:00:51,974
Why would you need his info?

1316
01:00:51,975 --> 01:00:54,343
You're jealous.

1317
01:00:54,344 --> 01:00:56,112
I'm going to assume it's
because you're coming down

1318
01:00:56,113 --> 01:00:57,713
off a powerful drug.

1319
01:00:57,714 --> 01:00:59,149
First part, false. Second part, true.

1320
01:00:59,150 --> 01:01:00,750
"Chris Smith."

1321
01:01:00,751 --> 01:01:02,053
Hold on. What?

1322
01:01:02,054 --> 01:01:04,689
His name's Chris Smith?

1323
01:01:04,690 --> 01:01:06,323
It is?

1324
01:01:06,324 --> 01:01:09,160
As in Chris Smith tree?

1325
01:01:09,161 --> 01:01:10,428
As in Chris Smith carol?

1326
01:01:10,429 --> 01:01:13,262
- No.
- Holy smokes!

1327
01:01:13,263 --> 01:01:15,199
I always thought he'd
be heavier with a beard.

1328
01:01:15,200 --> 01:01:17,333
- Leave him alone.
- I love it. It's great.

1329
01:01:17,334 --> 01:01:18,868
Okay, I'm gonna try it again, alright?

1330
01:01:18,869 --> 01:01:20,369
Just see if any of the water goes down.

1331
01:01:20,370 --> 01:01:22,794
I'm gonna see how much
I can drink. Here we go.

1332
01:01:27,878 --> 01:01:30,448
I love those "Rush
Hour" movies. Oh, my God.

1333
01:01:30,449 --> 01:01:32,749
Anything that African American guy says

1334
01:01:32,750 --> 01:01:34,317
anything at all and I'm laughing, you know.

1335
01:01:34,318 --> 01:01:37,087
Hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

1336
01:01:37,088 --> 01:01:40,389
- Shit, that was dumb.
- No, Chris. It's fine.

1337
01:01:40,390 --> 01:01:42,392
They're great. They're such good movies.

1338
01:01:42,393 --> 01:01:44,462
I was married for 8 years.

1339
01:01:44,463 --> 01:01:48,755
And I just... I haven't
done this in a while.

1340
01:01:49,367 --> 01:01:51,658
Me neither.

1341
01:01:52,804 --> 01:01:54,137
Are you okay?

1342
01:01:54,139 --> 01:01:56,806
Yeah. Yeah.

1343
01:02:05,117 --> 01:02:06,605
Yeah.

1344
01:02:07,284 --> 01:02:09,942
Be rude to it.

1345
01:02:14,159 --> 01:02:15,648
Yeah.

1346
01:02:24,168 --> 01:02:26,792
That was ridiculous.

1347
01:02:28,907 --> 01:02:32,109
The Dirty DJ was our thing, okay?

1348
01:02:32,110 --> 01:02:33,277
- Jake.
- That was our thing.

1349
01:02:33,278 --> 01:02:35,111
Okay, let me be super clear here.

1350
01:02:35,112 --> 01:02:36,547
Mm-hmm. Please.

1351
01:02:36,548 --> 01:02:39,482
We don't have things that are sexual.

1352
01:02:39,483 --> 01:02:44,053
We don't sleep with each
other, so we don't have things.

1353
01:02:44,054 --> 01:02:46,790
Okay, but you know what I mean, alright?

1354
01:02:46,791 --> 01:02:49,258
I taught you that as a gift to you.

1355
01:02:49,259 --> 01:02:52,562
That was not a Chris Smith gift, okay?

1356
01:02:52,563 --> 01:02:54,531
So. I don't get mad when you bring
other chicks to our restaurant.

1357
01:02:54,532 --> 01:02:56,500
- Our restaurant?
- Yes.

1358
01:02:56,501 --> 01:02:59,102
Oh, thank you. Yeah. Our restaurant?

1359
01:02:59,103 --> 01:03:01,003
I didn't know we put a
down payment on this place.

1360
01:03:01,004 --> 01:03:02,372
Come on.

1361
01:03:02,373 --> 01:03:04,040
You know, I love it that you get ownership

1362
01:03:04,041 --> 01:03:06,210
over a randomly selected dumpling spot

1363
01:03:06,211 --> 01:03:09,845
but me, I can't share with you
the slightest disappointment

1364
01:03:09,847 --> 01:03:11,481
over you co-opting an
original idea of mine.

1365
01:03:11,483 --> 01:03:12,515
- Co... Okay.
- Yeah.

1366
01:03:12,516 --> 01:03:13,550
First of all, you are not

1367
01:03:13,551 --> 01:03:15,552
the Mark Zuckerberg of vaginas.

1368
01:03:15,553 --> 01:03:16,620
I don't know who that is.

1369
01:03:16,621 --> 01:03:20,591
And secondly, do not
gaslight me with SAT words

1370
01:03:20,592 --> 01:03:22,559
and sliding scale morality.

1371
01:03:22,560 --> 01:03:24,361
- I'm not one of your dates.
- That is very true.

1372
01:03:24,362 --> 01:03:25,596
No. You are not one of my dates.

1373
01:03:25,597 --> 01:03:26,596
- And I'm glad. Thank you.
- Some water.

1374
01:03:26,597 --> 01:03:27,832
- No, the lady doesn't need it.
- Excuse me.

1375
01:03:27,833 --> 01:03:29,566
- She doesn't deserve that.
- I would like that, please.

1376
01:03:29,567 --> 01:03:30,600
I actually would like the water.

1377
01:03:30,601 --> 01:03:32,870
Sir, I-I can't stress enough

1378
01:03:32,871 --> 01:03:34,103
if we give her water I
don't know what happens.

1379
01:03:34,104 --> 01:03:35,037
You need to give me this water.

1380
01:03:35,038 --> 01:03:37,540
See she's addicted. This is an addict.

1381
01:03:37,541 --> 01:03:39,575
This is... I've seen it
a hundred times with her.

1382
01:03:39,576 --> 01:03:41,410
You gotta trust me.

1383
01:03:41,411 --> 01:03:43,112
You have lost your mind.

1384
01:03:43,113 --> 01:03:46,015
Well, you have lost your water.

1385
01:03:46,016 --> 01:03:49,074
So... I guess we're tied.

1386
01:03:50,487 --> 01:03:52,890
I wanna be able to talk
you about this kinda thing.

1387
01:03:52,891 --> 01:03:55,192
I sense that. That's obvious.
I just don't know why.

1388
01:03:55,193 --> 01:03:57,361
You talk to me about chicks
you screw all the time.

1389
01:03:57,362 --> 01:03:59,618
That's different.

1390
01:04:00,964 --> 01:04:03,033
- Why?
- 'Cause I'm going inside them.

1391
01:04:03,034 --> 01:04:04,368
This you're talking
about someone inside you

1392
01:04:04,369 --> 01:04:05,902
that's just... ugh!

1393
01:04:05,903 --> 01:04:06,993
- Duh.
- Grody.

1394
01:04:09,474 --> 01:04:13,175
This is the Bieder contract that
has to go to legal for comments.

1395
01:04:13,177 --> 01:04:15,545
Knock knock. Hey, you got a minute?

1396
01:04:15,546 --> 01:04:19,149
Um... Ah, I mean... real minute?

1397
01:04:19,150 --> 01:04:20,349
A New York minute. I don't
know... yeah, a real minute.

1398
01:04:20,350 --> 01:04:22,018
60 seconds. Sure.

1399
01:04:22,019 --> 01:04:23,520
Okay.

1400
01:04:23,521 --> 01:04:25,454
Um, what was the other thing?

1401
01:04:25,455 --> 01:04:26,957
Oh, yeah, buzz me for the 3 o'clock.

1402
01:04:26,958 --> 01:04:28,058
<i>And that's it. Okay.</i>

1403
01:04:28,059 --> 01:04:30,083
Yeah, don't fuck that up.

1404
01:04:30,561 --> 01:04:32,529
You got to let them have it.

1405
01:04:32,530 --> 01:04:34,964
Hey, will you, uh, sign this for me please?

1406
01:04:34,965 --> 01:04:36,265
Well, I have to know what it is first.

1407
01:04:36,266 --> 01:04:38,935
Oh, it's a nullification of my contract.

1408
01:04:38,936 --> 01:04:43,472
It says I resign and forfeit any
vesting stock options to Xander.

1409
01:04:43,473 --> 01:04:46,410
And why would you do that?

1410
01:04:46,411 --> 01:04:49,078
Oh, right, no. Because I
want to go on a date with you.

1411
01:04:49,079 --> 01:04:52,648
Silly. Uh, if you can just
sign the back here. 3 places.

1412
01:04:52,649 --> 01:04:54,117
You can use my pen if you'd like.

1413
01:04:54,119 --> 01:04:57,254
And as you can see I've
executed my half, so...

1414
01:04:57,255 --> 01:05:00,023
You stand to make over $5
million in the next 2 years.

1415
01:05:00,024 --> 01:05:03,492
No shit? Wow! That's great.

1416
01:05:03,494 --> 01:05:05,494
Uh, but I mean I never really factor

1417
01:05:05,496 --> 01:05:07,598
money in my decision making, so...

1418
01:05:07,599 --> 01:05:09,032
it doesn't change what I'm doing.

1419
01:05:09,033 --> 01:05:10,234
I appreciate the hardball

1420
01:05:10,235 --> 01:05:13,569
but obviously I can't take a
request like this seriously.

1421
01:05:13,570 --> 01:05:14,671
But the seriousness of my request

1422
01:05:14,672 --> 01:05:17,207
is reflected in the hardball.

1423
01:05:17,208 --> 01:05:20,098
So I don't... I don't know what to do here.

1424
01:05:24,081 --> 01:05:25,314
Okay. I'll go on one date with you

1425
01:05:25,315 --> 01:05:27,250
if you answer a question truthfully.

1426
01:05:27,251 --> 01:05:29,085
Get the spanks. I love it. Yeah.

1427
01:05:29,086 --> 01:05:32,689
I answer all questions
truthfully, but fire away.

1428
01:05:32,690 --> 01:05:36,959
What on earth makes you think
that I'm worth $5 million?

1429
01:05:36,960 --> 01:05:39,652
What makes you think you're not?

1430
01:05:44,635 --> 01:05:46,236
Get outta here. Get back to work.

1431
01:05:46,237 --> 01:05:47,471
- I'm on break.
- So take this...

1432
01:05:47,472 --> 01:05:49,506
- I'm on break.
- And get out of my office.

1433
01:05:49,507 --> 01:05:51,096
Okay.

1434
01:05:52,010 --> 01:05:54,066
Alright. To be continued.

1435
01:05:55,280 --> 01:05:56,768
TTFN.

1436
01:05:57,514 --> 01:06:00,283
<i>Um, you know, I mean...</i>

1437
01:06:00,284 --> 01:06:02,051
Ta-ta for now.

1438
01:06:02,052 --> 01:06:05,022
My ex has my son this weekend.

1439
01:06:05,023 --> 01:06:07,491
And I know a place with cheap tequila.

1440
01:06:07,492 --> 01:06:09,692
We should go there. That sounds great.

1441
01:06:09,693 --> 01:06:12,129
Can you keep your mouth shut?

1442
01:06:12,130 --> 01:06:14,363
Yeah. I mean, not once we get there.

1443
01:06:14,364 --> 01:06:16,099
Tequila makes me so chatty.

1444
01:06:16,100 --> 01:06:18,067
In a good way I think.

1445
01:06:18,068 --> 01:06:20,536
- You mean out here.
- <i>Just... Yes, mouth shut, please.</i>

1446
01:06:20,537 --> 01:06:23,129
- Not gonna say a peep.
- Get outta here!

1447
01:06:25,043 --> 01:06:27,642
Back to work, you.

1448
01:06:27,643 --> 01:06:29,134
<i>Yes!</i>

1449
01:06:31,782 --> 01:06:34,017
<i>There you are.</i>

1450
01:06:34,018 --> 01:06:35,786
Hey, thanks for comin', Lainey.

1451
01:06:35,787 --> 01:06:38,653
Partners always have to
do these bullshit events.

1452
01:06:38,654 --> 01:06:40,122
I hope your heels are comfortable

1453
01:06:40,123 --> 01:06:41,023
'cause you're gonna be standing

1454
01:06:41,024 --> 01:06:43,460
and talking to boring people all night.

1455
01:06:43,461 --> 01:06:45,462
Chris, I'm having a great time.

1456
01:06:45,463 --> 01:06:47,330
Thank you for inviting me.

1457
01:06:47,331 --> 01:06:49,888
And these shoes are still uncomfortable.

1458
01:06:51,536 --> 01:06:53,024
<i>Elaine?</i>

1459
01:06:53,438 --> 01:06:55,071
Hi, Matthew.

1460
01:06:55,072 --> 01:06:57,506
- Good to see you.
- This is Chris.

1461
01:06:57,508 --> 01:06:59,508
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you, Matthew.

1462
01:06:59,510 --> 01:07:02,111
Matthew and I were at
Columbia around the same time.

1463
01:07:02,112 --> 01:07:05,148
Oh. Your name is Elaine?

1464
01:07:05,150 --> 01:07:07,718
- Lainey is a nickname.
- I didn't know that.

1465
01:07:07,719 --> 01:07:11,120
Oh, Elaine, you've never
met my wife, have you?

1466
01:07:11,121 --> 01:07:13,257
- I haven't.
- Let me introduce you. Emma?

1467
01:07:13,258 --> 01:07:16,292
- Come here.
- Excuse me.

1468
01:07:16,293 --> 01:07:17,728
This is Elaine.

1469
01:07:17,729 --> 01:07:19,462
So nice to meet you, Emma.

1470
01:07:19,463 --> 01:07:20,663
- This is Chris.
- Hi.

1471
01:07:20,664 --> 01:07:22,598
- Hi.
- When are you due?

1472
01:07:22,599 --> 01:07:25,201
- October.
- Congratulations.

1473
01:07:25,202 --> 01:07:27,603
- Your first?
- Yes. It's a boy.

1474
01:07:27,604 --> 01:07:30,306
We're so excited.

1475
01:07:30,307 --> 01:07:31,574
Matthew will be delivering him.

1476
01:07:31,575 --> 01:07:33,643
- Oh.
- Oh.

1477
01:07:33,644 --> 01:07:35,678
- OB-GYN?
- Yes. You?

1478
01:07:35,679 --> 01:07:37,480
Uh, partner over at Garrison and Shingle.

1479
01:07:37,481 --> 01:07:39,415
- A man of the law.
- Yeah.

1480
01:07:39,416 --> 01:07:41,150
I've worked with you
guys when I was a mediator

1481
01:07:41,151 --> 01:07:42,518
on Thorpe V. Bronwin.

1482
01:07:42,519 --> 01:07:45,121
- Sure.
- Elaine, what is it that you do?

1483
01:07:45,122 --> 01:07:46,456
- I teach kindergarten.
- That's right.

1484
01:07:46,458 --> 01:07:48,356
I think I knew that.

1485
01:07:48,357 --> 01:07:50,818
Would you excuse me? I'm just
gonna run to the ladies' room.

1486
01:07:57,401 --> 01:07:58,435
<i>Okay, can I cut to the chase?</i>

1487
01:07:58,436 --> 01:07:59,468
<i>I would love that.</i>

1488
01:07:59,469 --> 01:08:00,836
I love cutting to chases. Do it.

1489
01:08:00,838 --> 01:08:02,873
Okay, so you're a womanizer.

1490
01:08:02,874 --> 01:08:04,474
Hey!

1491
01:08:04,476 --> 01:08:05,343
How did you know that?

1492
01:08:05,344 --> 01:08:07,210
- Everybody knows that.
- Everybody?

1493
01:08:07,211 --> 01:08:09,178
Your interns call you a Jump Back Jake.

1494
01:08:09,179 --> 01:08:10,279
- I have a nickname?
- A nickname.

1495
01:08:10,280 --> 01:08:11,515
- That's how bad it is.
- Wow!

1496
01:08:11,516 --> 01:08:13,350
It's not bad. I...

1497
01:08:13,351 --> 01:08:14,317
Or that's how good it is!

1498
01:08:14,318 --> 01:08:16,252
Right? Well, see, that's what I'm saying.

1499
01:08:16,253 --> 01:08:17,453
I... I mean, I assumed
they would speak about me

1500
01:08:17,454 --> 01:08:18,653
but I thought I was gonna be more along

1501
01:08:18,654 --> 01:08:19,690
the lines of something like...

1502
01:08:19,691 --> 01:08:21,558
- Stellar Yelp reviews?
- Yeah.

1503
01:08:21,559 --> 01:08:22,525
Stellar Yelp reviews.

1504
01:08:22,526 --> 01:08:25,796
- So can I ask?
- Yeah, how do I stop you?

1505
01:08:25,797 --> 01:08:29,565
- Mmm.
- Were you a fat teenager?

1506
01:08:29,566 --> 01:08:32,903
Did you... No, seriously, did you
not get along with your mother?

1507
01:08:32,904 --> 01:08:35,304
Do you just... do you not like women?

1508
01:08:35,305 --> 01:08:37,640
Do you feel suffocated
by them as soon as you...

1509
01:08:37,641 --> 01:08:39,742
Yeah, I mean, no, it's
none of those things.

1510
01:08:39,743 --> 01:08:41,577
God, those are all bad.

1511
01:08:41,578 --> 01:08:43,835
No, I think it was...

1512
01:08:45,617 --> 01:08:49,585
I think it was because I was
like a... like a late bloomer.

1513
01:08:49,586 --> 01:08:50,720
- Really?
- Yeah.

1514
01:08:50,721 --> 01:08:53,857
- Me too.
- Mmm. Mm-hmm.

1515
01:08:53,858 --> 01:08:55,626
That's amazing. No shit.

1516
01:08:55,627 --> 01:08:57,493
I mean, it's different for women.

1517
01:08:57,494 --> 01:08:59,618
I waited until my wedding night.

1518
01:09:01,331 --> 01:09:03,266
Did you grow up in America?

1519
01:09:03,267 --> 01:09:06,701
Holy shit! I don't think I've ever...

1520
01:09:06,702 --> 01:09:08,437
No, I've never met anybody

1521
01:09:08,438 --> 01:09:10,407
that actually waited
until their wedding day.

1522
01:09:10,408 --> 01:09:12,643
That's like Bobby Fischer kind of scarcity.

1523
01:09:12,644 --> 01:09:15,244
Okay, well I grew up
very, very religiously.

1524
01:09:15,245 --> 01:09:18,180
- What is your excuse?
- Hmm.

1525
01:09:18,182 --> 01:09:20,951
Yeah, my excuse, well, I think it's a...

1526
01:09:20,952 --> 01:09:25,353
I... I thought it was something
that should be special.

1527
01:09:25,354 --> 01:09:27,890
I think I literally sprouted...

1528
01:09:27,891 --> 01:09:30,294
a vagina when I said that.

1529
01:09:30,295 --> 01:09:31,327
Check, please.

1530
01:09:31,328 --> 01:09:32,496
There's a Georgia O'Keeffe

1531
01:09:32,497 --> 01:09:34,398
painting in my pants as we speak.

1532
01:09:34,399 --> 01:09:37,233
- There are worse things.
- That's true.

1533
01:09:37,234 --> 01:09:38,801
Pollock. Ooh.

1534
01:09:41,837 --> 01:09:43,940
Yeah, but that was that...
that's why I... I, yeah.

1535
01:09:43,941 --> 01:09:45,374
I mean, I had a bunch of
friends that had done it

1536
01:09:45,375 --> 01:09:47,476
and it just... I don't know.

1537
01:09:47,477 --> 01:09:50,313
At some point I realized
it wasn't gonna be special

1538
01:09:50,314 --> 01:09:51,914
and so I just wanted to get it over with

1539
01:09:51,915 --> 01:09:55,140
and it's never been special ever since.

1540
01:09:55,919 --> 01:09:58,555
- So who was the girl?
- Hmm.

1541
01:09:58,556 --> 01:09:59,590
Do you remember?

1542
01:10:01,792 --> 01:10:03,527
- You need to get that?
- Nope.

1543
01:10:03,528 --> 01:10:05,595
- Please.
- No, no, no. It's just a friend.

1544
01:10:05,596 --> 01:10:07,230
Well, you can still get the phone.

1545
01:10:07,231 --> 01:10:08,166
- I don't wanna get the phone.
- Okay.

1546
01:10:08,167 --> 01:10:10,122
It's just a friend. It's no big deal.

1547
01:10:11,868 --> 01:10:14,926
<i>Your call has been forwarded
to an automatic voice...</i>

1548
01:10:30,020 --> 01:10:32,755
Are you one of Matthew's patients?

1549
01:10:32,756 --> 01:10:35,259
No. I went to Columbia.

1550
01:10:35,260 --> 01:10:38,394
I'm surprised Matthew hasn't mentioned you.

1551
01:10:38,395 --> 01:10:41,120
Well, I haven't seen him in a long time.

1552
01:10:42,667 --> 01:10:46,303
It shouldn't bother me but I
don't like meeting his patients.

1553
01:10:46,304 --> 01:10:49,428
It's so weird meeting someone
when your husband has seen her...

1554
01:10:49,873 --> 01:10:51,973
You know...

1555
01:10:51,974 --> 01:10:55,233
Of course. Yeah, I'd feel the same way.

1556
01:10:59,917 --> 01:11:02,885
Lainey, everything okay?

1557
01:11:02,886 --> 01:11:04,620
Oh, I gotta go. Chris,
I'm so sorry I'm leaving.

1558
01:11:04,621 --> 01:11:06,290
I'm... I'm sick.

1559
01:11:06,291 --> 01:11:07,590
Oh, no. Well, let me...
let me drive you home.

1560
01:11:07,591 --> 01:11:10,661
- No. Please...
- Is everything alright?

1561
01:11:10,662 --> 01:11:11,994
I'm just not feeling well.

1562
01:11:11,995 --> 01:11:15,032
Oh. We should take our driver.

1563
01:11:15,033 --> 01:11:17,732
Emma and I are gonna stick
around for another hour or so.

1564
01:11:17,733 --> 01:11:20,835
But he can drop you off and
be back in 20 minutes. Easy.

1565
01:11:20,836 --> 01:11:22,470
You don't know where I live.

1566
01:11:22,471 --> 01:11:24,573
That's so nice. Are you sure?

1567
01:11:24,574 --> 01:11:26,076
Yeah. She'll never get
a cab out at this hour.

1568
01:11:26,077 --> 01:11:27,877
It's no trouble.

1569
01:11:27,878 --> 01:11:29,078
Look, I'm really supposed to mingle a bit

1570
01:11:29,079 --> 01:11:30,013
but if you want me to come...

1571
01:11:30,014 --> 01:11:31,982
No, it's fine. I'll call you tomorrow.

1572
01:11:31,983 --> 01:11:32,949
Okay.

1573
01:11:32,950 --> 01:11:35,483
Oh yeah, yeah. You're sick. Feel better.

1574
01:11:35,484 --> 01:11:38,009
Bye, Chris. Thank you so much for tonight.

1575
01:11:38,989 --> 01:11:41,347
It's no trouble. Thank you.

1576
01:11:43,660 --> 01:11:45,429
So it's the black town car.
It's across the street...

1577
01:11:45,430 --> 01:11:47,096
I know what your car looks
like. I don't need it.

1578
01:11:47,097 --> 01:11:48,898
I like your date. He seems nice.

1579
01:11:48,899 --> 01:11:51,934
- Fuck you, Matt.
- Why haven't you returned any of my calls?

1580
01:11:51,935 --> 01:11:53,470
- I blocked your number.
- Why?

1581
01:11:53,471 --> 01:11:55,504
Because I'm not an asshole.

1582
01:11:55,506 --> 01:11:57,096
Okay.

1583
01:12:07,951 --> 01:12:09,353
Uh-huh. No, no.

1584
01:12:09,354 --> 01:12:11,488
What? What?

1585
01:12:11,489 --> 01:12:13,045
You're so greedy.

1586
01:12:15,791 --> 01:12:17,928
- Uh-huh.
- What? What do you want me to do?

1587
01:12:17,929 --> 01:12:20,486
I want you to do nothing.

1588
01:12:22,667 --> 01:12:24,634
I want you to do exactly

1589
01:12:24,635 --> 01:12:27,426
what you don't normally do.

1590
01:12:28,038 --> 01:12:30,428
- Okay?
- Okay.

1591
01:12:35,812 --> 01:12:38,903
♪ You got a reason ♪

1592
01:12:40,051 --> 01:12:42,152
♪ Reason to leave ♪

1593
01:12:42,153 --> 01:12:44,688
♪ I lost it back then ♪

1594
01:12:44,689 --> 01:12:46,722
♪ But I am losing ♪

1595
01:12:46,723 --> 01:12:48,524
Alright.

1596
01:12:48,525 --> 01:12:50,883
Fuck. Oh...

1597
01:12:57,135 --> 01:12:59,468
♪ Come on come on come on ♪

1598
01:12:59,469 --> 01:13:01,527
♪ Come on come on come on ♪

1599
01:13:05,007 --> 01:13:07,166
♪ Come on ♪

1600
01:13:08,712 --> 01:13:11,112
♪ I never told you ♪

1601
01:13:11,113 --> 01:13:17,119
♪ You're my one and only woman ♪

1602
01:13:17,120 --> 01:13:20,656
♪ So you act like a child ♪

1603
01:13:20,657 --> 01:13:25,194
♪ I really don't mind the way you cry ♪

1604
01:13:25,195 --> 01:13:27,163
♪ Come on come on come on ♪

1605
01:13:27,164 --> 01:13:29,800
♪ To the deepest part ♪

1606
01:13:29,801 --> 01:13:31,934
♪ But you ain't that ♪

1607
01:13:31,935 --> 01:13:34,769
♪ In my... ♪

1608
01:13:34,770 --> 01:13:37,974
♪ Come on come on come on... ♪

1609
01:13:37,975 --> 01:13:39,843
- Can you come?
- But you haven't...

1610
01:13:39,844 --> 01:13:42,533
Come inside me. I want you to come now.

1611
01:13:43,580 --> 01:13:45,403
- Come!
- Okay.

1612
01:13:46,917 --> 01:13:49,518
Oh, oh, fuck!

1613
01:13:49,520 --> 01:13:51,988
Oh, Lainey. Oh, oh!

1614
01:13:51,989 --> 01:13:55,514
Oh, oh, Lainey. Oh, fuck.

1615
01:14:07,538 --> 01:14:10,396
Oh! Oh, shit.

1616
01:14:18,682 --> 01:14:21,273
Who's Lainey?

1617
01:14:24,889 --> 01:14:28,647
Um... it's a long story.

1618
01:14:33,130 --> 01:14:35,621
You wanna tell me about it?

1619
01:14:39,936 --> 01:14:41,460
Yes.

1620
01:14:44,074 --> 01:14:45,741
<i>It's right here on the right side.</i>

1621
01:14:45,742 --> 01:14:47,099
<i>Thank you.</i>

1622
01:15:03,627 --> 01:15:05,719
I just tried calling you.

1623
01:15:06,697 --> 01:15:09,054
- My phone died.
- Hmm.

1624
01:15:10,300 --> 01:15:12,725
So how was your day?

1625
01:15:14,005 --> 01:15:15,626
Swell.

1626
01:15:17,807 --> 01:15:20,099
Want to come up?

1627
01:16:43,094 --> 01:16:45,126
- It's over.
- Hmm.

1628
01:16:45,127 --> 01:16:47,997
He didn't choose me.

1629
01:16:47,998 --> 01:16:51,322
You never told him to
make a choice, you know.

1630
01:16:56,106 --> 01:16:58,563
How was Paula?

1631
01:16:59,010 --> 01:17:00,733
Hmm.

1632
01:17:03,046 --> 01:17:05,304
I was a mess.

1633
01:17:07,385 --> 01:17:09,875
She nice to you?

1634
01:17:11,955 --> 01:17:13,612
Yes.

1635
01:17:15,324 --> 01:17:17,816
- Good.
- Hmm.

1636
01:17:35,077 --> 01:17:37,335
What's up?

1637
01:17:38,447 --> 01:17:41,606
Are we in love with each other?

1638
01:17:54,297 --> 01:17:56,721
What are we gonna do about it?

1639
01:18:05,443 --> 01:18:07,933
What do you wanna do?

1640
01:18:10,948 --> 01:18:12,471
Nothing.

1641
01:18:16,252 --> 01:18:18,876
There's nothing to do.

1642
01:18:25,195 --> 01:18:27,951
I love you for free, Lainey.

1643
01:18:31,300 --> 01:18:34,203
I love you for free, Jake.

1644
01:19:27,090 --> 01:19:30,926
I guess I can't talk you
into a road trip to Ann Arbor?

1645
01:19:30,927 --> 01:19:33,328
Tempting. Tempting, but no.

1646
01:19:33,329 --> 01:19:35,297
Paula and I are taking
Oliver upstate tomorrow.

1647
01:19:35,298 --> 01:19:37,065
Hmm.

1648
01:19:37,066 --> 01:19:38,968
Do you want me to grab
the rest of the boxes?

1649
01:19:38,969 --> 01:19:41,003
No, Kara and George are
shipping it to me on Monday.

1650
01:19:41,004 --> 01:19:43,839
- Cool. Alright.
- I'm good. I'm good.

1651
01:19:43,841 --> 01:19:46,074
- You got it all figured out.
- Yeah.

1652
01:19:46,075 --> 01:19:48,844
Alright, well...

1653
01:19:48,846 --> 01:19:50,313
last chance to ditch med school

1654
01:19:50,314 --> 01:19:51,413
and run away with me, huh?

1655
01:19:51,414 --> 01:19:53,183
Come on, what do you say? Let's go.

1656
01:19:53,184 --> 01:19:56,051
You just sneak in here,
I'll drive. Bounce around.

1657
01:19:56,052 --> 01:19:58,853
You know, unfortunately
I don't sleep with men

1658
01:19:58,854 --> 01:20:00,556
in relationships anymore.

1659
01:20:00,557 --> 01:20:02,491
- This new crazy thing.
- Gotcha.

1660
01:20:02,493 --> 01:20:04,227
No, that's okay. That's okay.

1661
01:20:04,228 --> 01:20:05,327
I stopped cheating anyway.

1662
01:20:05,328 --> 01:20:08,786
So, bad timing. What happened to us?

1663
01:20:10,066 --> 01:20:12,100
We're getting a chance to start over.

1664
01:20:12,101 --> 01:20:13,569
That's true.

1665
01:20:13,570 --> 01:20:15,604
- Just in time...
- Oh, yeah.

1666
01:20:15,605 --> 01:20:16,605
- If you ask me.
- Oh, yeah.

1667
01:20:16,606 --> 01:20:19,665
Yeah, before things got
really bad, and weird.

1668
01:20:23,980 --> 01:20:27,950
Alright, well, goodbye forever.

1669
01:20:27,951 --> 01:20:30,776
Goodbye forever. Again.

1670
01:20:32,189 --> 01:20:35,447
Up top. There you go. Yup.

1671
01:20:41,398 --> 01:20:43,756
Thank you, Jake.

1672
01:20:44,901 --> 01:20:46,658
For what?

1673
01:20:48,605 --> 01:20:51,897
For teaching me how to love someone.

1674
01:20:55,112 --> 01:20:57,001
Anytime.

1675
01:21:00,917 --> 01:21:02,919
I'll get this for you,
you've got to close this.

1676
01:21:02,920 --> 01:21:04,009
Yep.

1677
01:21:06,590 --> 01:21:09,925
It would be kinda cool though if
you could just hang onto the back.

1678
01:21:09,926 --> 01:21:12,528
Eddie Murphy at the beginning of
"Beverly Hills Cop," remember that?

1679
01:21:12,529 --> 01:21:14,529
Cigarette truck. Never mind.

1680
01:21:14,530 --> 01:21:16,498
Uh, alright, drive safe.

1681
01:21:16,499 --> 01:21:18,134
- Yeah?
- Hmm.

1682
01:21:18,135 --> 01:21:20,091
- Go.
- Bye.

1683
01:21:22,172 --> 01:21:24,629
Go be a hot shot.

1684
01:21:28,212 --> 01:21:31,514
♪ I feel ready for a ride ♪

1685
01:21:31,515 --> 01:21:36,041
♪ For the... ♪

1686
01:21:37,488 --> 01:21:38,988
<i>Hi, babe, it's me.</i>

1687
01:21:38,989 --> 01:21:41,924
<i>Um, I hope the goodbye went well.</i>

1688
01:21:41,925 --> 01:21:43,392
<i>Oliver and I are on our way.</i>

1689
01:21:43,393 --> 01:21:45,649
<i>Okay, see you soon.</i>

1690
01:21:47,197 --> 01:21:48,396
<i>Nice job, Oliver.</i>

1691
01:21:48,397 --> 01:21:50,966
You're a whirling dervish
out there. A whirling dervish!

1692
01:21:50,967 --> 01:21:52,635
- You got this, Henry.
- There you go, Henry.

1693
01:21:52,636 --> 01:21:54,237
<i>Right through. How's
that feel, blue?</i>

1694
01:21:54,238 --> 01:21:57,239
<i>- How's that feel, blue?
- There you go.</i>

1695
01:21:57,240 --> 01:21:59,108
<i>Yeah, little legs,
but they move fast.</i>

1696
01:21:59,109 --> 01:22:01,010
Get it. Get it. Reverse it.

1697
01:22:01,011 --> 01:22:02,444
Reverse it. Yeah!

1698
01:22:02,445 --> 01:22:05,147
- Yes! Nice pass, man.
- Get off me!

1699
01:22:05,148 --> 01:22:08,149
Okay, I know. I'm just a passionate fan.

1700
01:22:08,150 --> 01:22:10,152
I'm sorry, go play soccer, what
are you doing talkin' to me?

1701
01:22:10,154 --> 01:22:11,220
- What are you doing?
- What?

1702
01:22:11,221 --> 01:22:12,622
You're embarrassing the kid.

1703
01:22:12,623 --> 01:22:14,256
The kid's having a great
game, you're embarrassing...

1704
01:22:14,257 --> 01:22:16,959
Come on, Henry! Come on, Henry!

1705
01:22:16,960 --> 01:22:18,693
- And that's better?
- How's that feel, blue?

1706
01:22:18,694 --> 01:22:21,363
How's that feel, blue?

1707
01:22:21,364 --> 01:22:22,964
My love is conditional.

1708
01:22:29,339 --> 01:22:32,608
When we were kids, we had
orange slices after a game.

1709
01:22:32,609 --> 01:22:36,445
Thank you. That's like
$400 worth of frozen yogurt.

1710
01:22:36,446 --> 01:22:39,282
- Holy toppings!
- She just said it's every topping.

1711
01:22:39,283 --> 01:22:41,416
Every flavor.

1712
01:22:41,417 --> 01:22:42,985
Hey, what's up dude?

1713
01:22:42,986 --> 01:22:45,654
Is it okay if I go over
Henry's to go swimming?

1714
01:22:45,655 --> 01:22:46,589
It's cool with me, is it cool with you?

1715
01:22:46,590 --> 01:22:47,723
At my house?

1716
01:22:47,724 --> 01:22:48,757
You're gonna go swimming at my house?

1717
01:22:48,758 --> 01:22:51,093
- Yes, I am.
- Hmm.

1718
01:22:51,094 --> 01:22:53,196
- Let me think about it.
- What do you say?

1719
01:22:53,197 --> 01:22:55,130
Alright. I'll allow it.

1720
01:22:55,131 --> 01:22:57,500
You sure you don't want to come
to brunch? With me and your mom?

1721
01:22:57,501 --> 01:23:00,303
We're gonna have some eggs
benedict and some frittatas.

1722
01:23:00,304 --> 01:23:02,270
Yeah, 'cause that's... 'cause
that's what kids wanna do.

1723
01:23:02,271 --> 01:23:03,305
They don't want to go swimming.

1724
01:23:03,306 --> 01:23:04,773
They want to go to brunch.

1725
01:23:04,774 --> 01:23:06,274
Thanks, Jake.

1726
01:23:06,275 --> 01:23:08,165
There you go.

1727
01:23:09,279 --> 01:23:11,346
<i>You have really changed, my friend.</i>

1728
01:23:11,347 --> 01:23:14,082
- <i>Yes.</i>
- I have to say, I don't mind it.

1729
01:23:14,083 --> 01:23:15,083
I don't know what that whole thing

1730
01:23:15,084 --> 01:23:17,353
was with Lainey but it
really turned you around

1731
01:23:17,354 --> 01:23:19,678
in the right direction.

1732
01:23:20,122 --> 01:23:21,756
How's she doin'?

1733
01:23:21,757 --> 01:23:24,359
- Lainey?
- Yeah.

1734
01:23:24,360 --> 01:23:27,152
I don't know. We haven't talked in a while.

1735
01:23:29,298 --> 01:23:33,603
Look at her, passing
out toppings like, uh...

1736
01:23:33,604 --> 01:23:35,337
She's just like a dealer.

1737
01:23:35,338 --> 01:23:37,039
- What?
- <i>You're mad?</i>

1738
01:23:37,040 --> 01:23:38,373
- No, but are you...
- <i>You're happy.</i>

1739
01:23:38,374 --> 01:23:39,774
- <i>You're both?</i>
- You're crazy.

1740
01:23:39,775 --> 01:23:40,644
Are you mappy? You're mappy?

1741
01:23:40,645 --> 01:23:42,411
I'm just gonna say you're mappy.

1742
01:23:42,412 --> 01:23:43,546
- I can't...
- Have you thought this through?

1743
01:23:43,547 --> 01:23:44,480
- I know it's a birthday gift.
- I can't go to France.

1744
01:23:44,481 --> 01:23:45,414
- <i>Okay.</i>
- I can't take off work.

1745
01:23:45,415 --> 01:23:47,716
'Cause I'm pretty sure there's gonna be

1746
01:23:47,717 --> 01:23:50,752
a very nice suite in a 5 star
hotel just waiting for ya.

1747
01:23:50,753 --> 01:23:53,221
<i>But you're right. It's a bad
idea. Maybe you shouldn't go.</i>

1748
01:23:53,222 --> 01:23:55,424
But I've got to find someone
now with your exact name

1749
01:23:55,425 --> 01:23:58,094
that can go to Europe and use that room.

1750
01:23:58,095 --> 01:24:00,729
- Anybody here named Paula?
- Shh.

1751
01:24:00,730 --> 01:24:02,665
- You're crazy.
- Settle down, people.

1752
01:24:02,666 --> 01:24:03,799
- No, not at all.
- Are you kidding?

1753
01:24:03,800 --> 01:24:05,535
I think this is a great idea.

1754
01:24:05,536 --> 01:24:07,502
When did you get this good?

1755
01:24:07,503 --> 01:24:10,161
I spent a long time being bad.

1756
01:24:12,242 --> 01:24:14,676
I just... I mean. I just... just...

1757
01:24:17,247 --> 01:24:18,648
What?

1758
01:24:18,649 --> 01:24:22,041
Uh, I'm sorry, I just...

1759
01:24:23,153 --> 01:24:25,254
<i>I know this guy from somewhere.</i>

1760
01:24:25,255 --> 01:24:27,722
- With the glasses.
- <i>I can't put my finger on it.</i>

1761
01:24:27,723 --> 01:24:29,980
- From work?
- No.

1762
01:24:32,261 --> 01:24:35,264
- Your neighbor?
- No, I...

1763
01:24:35,265 --> 01:24:37,098
I feel like he had longer hair.

1764
01:24:37,099 --> 01:24:39,501
Maybe he's an actor?

1765
01:24:39,502 --> 01:24:42,026
Maybe I knew him at Colum...

1766
01:24:42,806 --> 01:24:44,296
Columbia.

1767
01:24:48,444 --> 01:24:50,179
You know what? I'm...
I'm... You mind if I run

1768
01:24:50,180 --> 01:24:51,346
over there just to see if it's him?

1769
01:24:51,347 --> 01:24:53,181
- Okay, baby.
- <i>Alright.</i>

1770
01:24:53,182 --> 01:24:55,240
Be right back.

1771
01:24:58,287 --> 01:25:00,312
Well, we can talk about it.

1772
01:25:01,190 --> 01:25:02,680
Sobvechik?

1773
01:25:03,594 --> 01:25:05,083
Yeah.

1774
01:25:06,730 --> 01:25:09,088
- Oh, you're pregnant.
- <i>Oh, my God.</i>

1775
01:25:19,909 --> 01:25:22,267
You boring, fuckin', asshole!

1776
01:25:24,213 --> 01:25:25,870
Sorry, sorry.

1777
01:25:27,917 --> 01:25:31,220
Hey! Hey! Jake!

1778
01:25:31,221 --> 01:25:33,456
Somebody do something.

1779
01:25:33,457 --> 01:25:35,947
- Jake, Jake!
- That's for my girl, you shit!

1780
01:25:36,425 --> 01:25:38,183
Fuck you!

1781
01:25:38,794 --> 01:25:41,287
Come on. Get up! Come on.

1782
01:25:42,899 --> 01:25:45,268
You fucking boring piece of shit!

1783
01:25:45,269 --> 01:25:47,325
<i>Fucking tourist.</i>

1784
01:25:48,838 --> 01:25:50,305
I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.

1785
01:25:57,813 --> 01:26:00,215
- Matthew, my water broke...
- Honey!

1786
01:26:00,216 --> 01:26:01,650
<i>Honey!</i>

1787
01:26:01,651 --> 01:26:03,952
- We need a doctor.
- I'm a doctor! I'm her doctor!

1788
01:26:03,953 --> 01:26:05,755
Hold on, hold on, hold on.

1789
01:26:05,756 --> 01:26:09,324
I am her husband. That is
my wife and that is my baby.

1790
01:26:09,325 --> 01:26:11,726
And this motherfucker I don't even know...

1791
01:26:11,727 --> 01:26:13,751
- Let's go!
- <i>What are you doing?</i>

1792
01:26:13,931 --> 01:26:15,463
<i>Fucking maniac.</i>

1793
01:26:15,464 --> 01:26:17,365
That's my husband! Oh, my God!

1794
01:26:17,366 --> 01:26:19,602
- <i>Oh, my God!</i>
- No! No!

1795
01:26:19,603 --> 01:26:23,737
♪ Well if you ever go ♪

1796
01:26:23,738 --> 01:26:27,443
♪ Darlin' I'll be... ♪

1797
01:26:27,444 --> 01:26:28,611
No!

1798
01:26:28,612 --> 01:26:30,211
No!

1799
01:26:30,213 --> 01:26:31,514
No!

1800
01:26:31,515 --> 01:26:33,648
<i>Matthew! Hey! Hey!</i>

1801
01:26:33,649 --> 01:26:35,218
He didn't do anything.

1802
01:26:35,219 --> 01:26:36,419
We were just having brunch

1803
01:26:36,420 --> 01:26:40,956
and then this fucker comes
out of nowhere and decks him!

1804
01:26:40,957 --> 01:26:43,826
The Henley wearing bullshit motherfucker!

1805
01:26:43,827 --> 01:26:46,528
<i>Oh, my God, this isn't
happening. I need a tissue.</i>

1806
01:26:46,529 --> 01:26:48,318
<i>Oh, my God.</i>

1807
01:26:56,640 --> 01:26:58,129
Hey.

1808
01:27:04,347 --> 01:27:06,282
They're gonna book you for assault.

1809
01:27:06,283 --> 01:27:08,973
What? Why? What did I...

1810
01:27:10,587 --> 01:27:12,911
Sorry, bad joke.

1811
01:27:14,291 --> 01:27:15,790
So you're gonna need
someone to bail you out.

1812
01:27:15,791 --> 01:27:18,384
Oh, come on. Paula...

1813
01:27:20,463 --> 01:27:22,353
- I don't need a hardball...
- My girl?

1814
01:27:22,797 --> 01:27:24,322
What?

1815
01:27:25,434 --> 01:27:28,536
- What are you...
- My girl. Who's your girl?

1816
01:27:28,538 --> 01:27:29,704
Well, I can explain that. That just like...

1817
01:27:29,705 --> 01:27:31,674
Who's your girl, Jake?

1818
01:27:31,675 --> 01:27:32,841
I was...

1819
01:27:32,842 --> 01:27:34,477
That guy's a fucking asshole

1820
01:27:34,478 --> 01:27:36,443
who was really shitty
to a good friend of mine.

1821
01:27:36,444 --> 01:27:38,480
- Okay?
- You can't even say it.

1822
01:27:38,481 --> 01:27:41,005
You can't even look at
me and just say her name.

1823
01:27:43,753 --> 01:27:45,321
- I don't even...
- Give me the courtesy.

1824
01:27:45,322 --> 01:27:46,522
What are you talking...

1825
01:27:46,523 --> 01:27:49,692
I haven't even spoken
to her since she left.

1826
01:27:49,693 --> 01:27:52,528
I'm... I didn't do anything wrong here.

1827
01:27:52,529 --> 01:27:54,430
- Okay?
- You've been playing house.

1828
01:27:54,431 --> 01:27:55,898
- Oh, Shit!
- I let my son...

1829
01:27:55,899 --> 01:27:57,732
- What are you talkin' about?
- Fall in love with you.

1830
01:27:57,733 --> 01:27:59,634
- Oh come on, that is not true.
- You've been lying this whole time.

1831
01:27:59,635 --> 01:28:01,671
I'm not... I have not lied! I have...

1832
01:28:01,672 --> 01:28:06,006
I have not... I am... I would
not lie to you. To him, okay?

1833
01:28:06,007 --> 01:28:08,344
I wasn't trying to hurt you.

1834
01:28:08,345 --> 01:28:10,779
- Wow, you really, you really...
- Really what?

1835
01:28:10,780 --> 01:28:11,947
2 different people, my friend.

1836
01:28:11,948 --> 01:28:14,916
Oh, come on. I am not, okay?

1837
01:28:14,917 --> 01:28:16,618
But you're gonna figure it out.

1838
01:28:16,619 --> 01:28:19,109
Figure what... What are you doing?

1839
01:28:19,890 --> 01:28:21,981
Y-y-you're
just gonna go?

1840
01:28:23,627 --> 01:28:24,894
Okay.

1841
01:28:24,895 --> 01:28:25,928
Great.

1842
01:28:25,929 --> 01:28:27,519
Great, okay.

1843
01:28:28,497 --> 01:28:30,455
Great!

1844
01:28:32,636 --> 01:28:34,569
Wonderful.

1845
01:28:34,570 --> 01:28:35,738
Fuckin'...

1846
01:28:40,444 --> 01:28:42,509
Who wants more wine?

1847
01:28:42,510 --> 01:28:43,746
- I'll take some.
- Great.

1848
01:28:46,047 --> 01:28:47,349
<i>Hello?</i>

1849
01:28:47,350 --> 01:28:49,117
Hey, baby.

1850
01:28:49,118 --> 01:28:51,019
- <i>Jake?</i>
- Yeah.

1851
01:28:51,020 --> 01:28:53,555
Yeah, yeah. How you doin'?

1852
01:28:53,556 --> 01:28:58,661
Um, I-I'm fine. Where
are you calling me from?

1853
01:28:58,662 --> 01:29:00,129
Hey, did you know they
don't have a separate jail

1854
01:29:00,130 --> 01:29:02,564
for cool people who fucked up?

1855
01:29:02,565 --> 01:29:03,998
<i>Just one big old jail for everyone.</i>

1856
01:29:03,999 --> 01:29:07,125
Jake. What happened?

1857
01:29:08,739 --> 01:29:12,597
Well, I ran into our old
college buddy, Matthew Sobvechik.

1858
01:29:14,677 --> 01:29:17,545
Oh, baby, what did you do?

1859
01:29:17,547 --> 01:29:20,515
Well, I, um...

1860
01:29:20,516 --> 01:29:24,719
I, uh, sorta beat the shit out of him.

1861
01:29:24,720 --> 01:29:27,389
- <i>Fucked up his life a little bit.</i>
- What it was.

1862
01:29:27,390 --> 01:29:29,179
Why did you do that?

1863
01:29:30,594 --> 01:29:32,183
I, um...

1864
01:29:33,130 --> 01:29:35,421
Well I just, um...

1865
01:29:37,167 --> 01:29:39,425
I just really miss you.

1866
01:29:40,770 --> 01:29:43,627
<i>Yeah, I think about
you like, all the time.</i>

1867
01:29:44,840 --> 01:29:46,840
<i>You know what, the word
think is... is wrong</i>

1868
01:29:46,841 --> 01:29:48,643
because I don't actively do anything.

1869
01:29:48,644 --> 01:29:51,169
You're just... here.

1870
01:29:56,484 --> 01:29:58,853
<i>But I didn't... I didn't
think I'd remember you.</i>

1871
01:29:58,854 --> 01:30:00,922
<i>You know I thought that I
would forget about all of it.</i>

1872
01:30:00,923 --> 01:30:04,993
<i>And I, uh, didn't. You
know, I just, uh...</i>

1873
01:30:04,994 --> 01:30:06,895
<i>I know we're no good at this shit.</i>

1874
01:30:06,896 --> 01:30:08,763
<i>And that's why we agreed
to stop seeing each other.</i>

1875
01:30:08,764 --> 01:30:10,555
<i>So we wouldn't fuck it up but...</i>

1876
01:30:11,901 --> 01:30:14,501
But I want you to come back.

1877
01:30:14,502 --> 01:30:18,129
I need you to... Because, uh...

1878
01:30:21,011 --> 01:30:26,270
Because I'd rather fail with
you than win with anyone else.

1879
01:30:33,088 --> 01:30:34,545
<i>Hello?</i>

1880
01:30:37,127 --> 01:30:40,662
- <i>Lainey, are you still there?</i>
- Just keep talking.

1881
01:30:40,663 --> 01:30:42,964
I love hearing your voice.

1882
01:30:42,965 --> 01:30:45,033
- <i>I love hearing you say my name.</i>
- Oh, you do?

1883
01:30:45,034 --> 01:30:46,202
- <i>Jake.</i>
- Lainey!

1884
01:30:46,203 --> 01:30:48,103
- <i>Jake.</i>
- Lainey!

1885
01:30:48,104 --> 01:30:49,138
- Jake.
- <i>I love you so much.</i>

1886
01:30:49,139 --> 01:30:50,705
- I love you.
- <i>Lainey, Lainey, Lainey.</i>

1887
01:30:50,706 --> 01:30:53,108
- I love you!
- I love you so much!

1888
01:30:53,109 --> 01:30:55,076
- Hey, I love you.
- <i>I love you, Jake!</i>

1889
01:30:55,077 --> 01:30:56,612
- Give me the phone.
- Lainey, Lainey! No, no.

1890
01:30:56,613 --> 01:30:58,912
What are you doing? Fucking take it.

1891
01:30:58,914 --> 01:31:01,050
Okay, honey, you're on speaker
phone in a police station.

1892
01:31:01,051 --> 01:31:04,619
- Be very careful what you say.
- Hello, police.

1893
01:31:04,620 --> 01:31:08,056
I love you. I love you. Don't...
don't hurt anymore people.

1894
01:31:08,057 --> 01:31:12,760
Easy. Easy. Watch it! Back off! Back off!

1895
01:31:12,761 --> 01:31:17,732
Elaine! Elaine! Elaine!

1896
01:31:17,733 --> 01:31:22,460
<i>- I love you! I love you!
- Jake, I love you.</i>

1897
01:31:30,011 --> 01:31:31,602
Yes?

1898
01:31:32,148 --> 01:31:34,282
Yes.

1899
01:31:34,283 --> 01:31:37,174
<i>I will communicate the message.</i>

1900
01:31:38,889 --> 01:31:41,022
<i>Mr. Sobvechik will
not be joining us.</i>

1901
01:31:41,023 --> 01:31:42,756
<i>We will have to postpone.</i>

1902
01:31:42,757 --> 01:31:45,125
Come on. This is the third time.

1903
01:31:45,126 --> 01:31:46,996
<i>My client has a newborn he
has to spend time with...</i>

1904
01:31:46,997 --> 01:31:49,898
<i>We have made a generous
offer to settle this lawsuit.</i>

1905
01:31:49,899 --> 01:31:53,068
<i>Your client is clearly
dragging this thing out...</i>

1906
01:31:53,069 --> 01:31:55,126
<i>We'll be in touch to reschedule.</i>

1907
01:32:05,748 --> 01:32:09,018
I forgot that Pinkerton
was an alias of yours.

1908
01:32:09,019 --> 01:32:11,377
You never caught that reference.

1909
01:32:13,289 --> 01:32:15,246
Madame Butterfly.

1910
01:32:16,324 --> 01:32:18,058
Just because I don't applaud your intellect

1911
01:32:18,059 --> 01:32:20,684
doesn't mean I don't notice it.

1912
01:32:28,771 --> 01:32:30,005
Mathew...

1913
01:32:30,006 --> 01:32:32,206
I need you to swear

1914
01:32:32,207 --> 01:32:34,108
that you didn't plan this.

1915
01:32:34,109 --> 01:32:36,312
I didn't plan this.

1916
01:32:36,313 --> 01:32:37,711
Jake's offering you a lot of money

1917
01:32:37,712 --> 01:32:39,881
to settle this emotional distress lawsuit

1918
01:32:39,882 --> 01:32:41,915
so just take it.

1919
01:32:41,917 --> 01:32:44,219
Or what? Are you... are you threatening me?

1920
01:32:44,220 --> 01:32:45,921
I don't need to threaten you.

1921
01:32:45,922 --> 01:32:49,757
Let me guess. I drop it, or
you tell Emma we slept together.

1922
01:32:49,758 --> 01:32:52,582
- I'd tell her what I know.
- Which is what?

1923
01:32:54,729 --> 01:32:58,156
I know that you stop
breathing when you kiss.

1924
01:33:00,136 --> 01:33:03,171
That when you lean in to
whisper, you put your lips

1925
01:33:03,172 --> 01:33:05,830
right up against the back of my earlobe.

1926
01:33:07,009 --> 01:33:08,876
That you kiss the back of my neck before

1927
01:33:08,877 --> 01:33:11,635
you slip my coat over my shoulders.

1928
01:33:14,184 --> 01:33:17,207
I remember every
compliment you ever gave me.

1929
01:33:18,287 --> 01:33:21,312
Everything you ever did to me in bed.

1930
01:33:22,891 --> 01:33:24,158
And the day you made me yours.

1931
01:33:24,159 --> 01:33:26,362
The day you said...

1932
01:33:26,363 --> 01:33:30,064
"Elaine, I wish I could have known you"

1933
01:33:30,065 --> 01:33:32,701
"when you were a little girl,
so that I could've been..."

1934
01:33:32,702 --> 01:33:34,826
"Could've been your true love."

1935
01:33:36,239 --> 01:33:38,696
I remember too, you know.

1936
01:33:40,141 --> 01:33:42,734
Would any of it sound familiar to Emma?

1937
01:33:44,346 --> 01:33:46,648
Some, yeah.

1938
01:33:46,649 --> 01:33:47,550
I don't think she needs to know

1939
01:33:47,551 --> 01:33:49,184
the things she holds close to her heart

1940
01:33:49,185 --> 01:33:52,143
were rehearsed on someone else.

1941
01:33:54,990 --> 01:33:56,848
<i>Goodbye, Mathew.</i>

1942
01:33:57,894 --> 01:34:00,251
♪ Oh oh oh ♪

1943
01:34:01,765 --> 01:34:04,822
♪ Oh oh oh ♪

1944
01:34:06,434 --> 01:34:07,769
So is he gonna drop the charges?

1945
01:34:07,770 --> 01:34:08,902
Am I allowed to leave the state?

1946
01:34:08,904 --> 01:34:11,840
- He will. You may.
- Good.

1947
01:34:11,841 --> 01:34:13,073
Because I booked us a flight back

1948
01:34:13,074 --> 01:34:14,376
to Michigan at 10:00 a.m. tomorrow morning.

1949
01:34:14,377 --> 01:34:16,710
Great. I have a final at 3:00.

1950
01:34:16,711 --> 01:34:19,380
Excellent. I'll help you
study. I'll make flashcards.

1951
01:34:19,381 --> 01:34:21,282
- So no honeymoon?
- Oh, no, no.

1952
01:34:21,283 --> 01:34:22,817
There's gonna be a honeymoon.

1953
01:34:22,818 --> 01:34:23,786
I got us the penthouse suite

1954
01:34:23,787 --> 01:34:25,085
down at the plaza right down the road here.

1955
01:34:25,086 --> 01:34:26,454
- Nice.
- Mm-hmm.

1956
01:34:26,455 --> 01:34:27,755
But first I've gotta take you downtown

1957
01:34:27,756 --> 01:34:29,692
and make an honest woman out of you.

1958
01:34:29,693 --> 01:34:32,126
- Rings?
- Shit.

1959
01:34:32,127 --> 01:34:34,718
Kidding. Xander's got them.

1960
01:34:36,265 --> 01:34:38,198
I can't believe we lost our virginity

1961
01:34:38,199 --> 01:34:41,001
to each other and saved
ourselves for marriage.

1962
01:34:41,002 --> 01:34:42,836
- Yeah.
- That's pretty great.

1963
01:34:42,837 --> 01:34:43,906
I'm proud of us. Nicely done.

1964
01:34:43,907 --> 01:34:45,139
I mean...

1965
01:34:45,140 --> 01:34:46,140
It's not like we haven't done it.

1966
01:34:46,141 --> 01:34:47,474
- Of course.
- I know what it looks like.

1967
01:34:47,475 --> 01:34:49,077
Yeah, yeah. It's been a while.

1968
01:34:49,078 --> 01:34:51,012
But I know what your
situation is down there.

1969
01:34:51,013 --> 01:34:53,938
Oh, really? Yeah, how's my situation?

1970
01:34:54,917 --> 01:34:57,941
Are you kidding? It's perfect.

1971
01:35:00,221 --> 01:35:04,448
Oh, well, I'm pretty
much a dream come true.

1972
01:35:07,931 --> 01:35:09,687
- Mousetrap.
- Mousetrap.

1973
01:35:11,834 --> 01:35:13,469
- Do we really have to...
- No, we don't.

1974
01:35:13,470 --> 01:35:14,937
Say that.

1975
01:35:14,938 --> 01:35:17,462
Well, from safe word to code word, I guess.

1976
01:35:18,773 --> 01:35:20,341
- We should probably...
- Let's go fuck first.

1977
01:35:20,342 --> 01:35:21,943
- Then we'll meet them down there.
- We gotta do it now, yeah.

1978
01:35:21,944 --> 01:35:23,311
- Yeah, let's be quick.
- Yeah, yeah, of course.

1979
01:35:23,312 --> 01:35:25,045
Call Xander, tell him we're gonna be late.

1980
01:35:25,046 --> 01:35:26,181
Absolutely. How long shall
I tell him we're going to be?

1981
01:35:26,182 --> 01:35:29,784
- A couple of hours.
- Really? Luck guy, aren't I?

1982
01:35:29,785 --> 01:35:31,152
Yeah, and then we'll still go get married.

1983
01:35:31,153 --> 01:35:32,354
Absolutely. Yeah.

1984
01:35:32,355 --> 01:35:33,787
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I forgot something.

1985
01:35:33,788 --> 01:35:35,357
What?

1986
01:35:35,358 --> 01:35:38,960
♪ We are sleeping... ♪♪

1987
01:35:38,961 --> 01:35:40,318
That.

1988
01:35:41,131 --> 01:35:42,753
- Yeah.
- Better right?

1989
01:35:44,100 --> 01:35:46,934
- So we just got 20 blocks.
- Why didn't we take the bus?

1990
01:35:46,935 --> 01:35:49,903
Oh, that's a good point.
Should we get on the bus?

1991
01:35:49,905 --> 01:35:53,141
- I wonder if we find the route...
- Oh, you're such a romantic.

1992
01:35:53,142 --> 01:35:55,442
No, I actually left my sweatshirt, I think.

1993
01:35:55,443 --> 01:35:57,344
- I love you.
- I love you too.

1994
01:35:57,345 --> 01:36:01,149
♪ We can stay together ♪

1995
01:36:01,150 --> 01:36:05,487
♪ I'll keep you safe forever ♪

1996
01:36:05,488 --> 01:36:09,013
♪ I know that sounds heavy ♪

1997
01:36:09,792 --> 01:36:13,483
♪ Fuck it and whatever ♪♪

1998
01:36:13,962 --> 01:36:16,688
♪ Oh oh oh ♪

1999
01:36:18,033 --> 01:36:20,590
♪ Oh oh oh ♪

2000
01:36:21,270 --> 01:36:23,505
Uh, Yeah, w-we'll be here.

2001
01:36:23,506 --> 01:36:27,432
Okay. Have fun? I don't know, okay, Bye.

2002
01:36:28,877 --> 01:36:31,979
Um, they're gonna be
here in like, 90 minutes.

2003
01:36:31,980 --> 01:36:33,481
When have you ever had sex for 90 minutes?

2004
01:36:33,482 --> 01:36:35,550
- With you?
- With anybody.

2005
01:36:35,551 --> 01:36:37,986
- Oh, many times.
- You have not had sex for 90 minutes.

2006
01:36:37,987 --> 01:36:40,288
I have had like, actual intercourse...

2007
01:36:40,289 --> 01:36:42,357
I bet they're counting
like, foreplay and stuff.

2008
01:36:42,358 --> 01:36:44,992
No, but maybe they are.

2009
01:36:44,993 --> 01:36:48,296
Frankly, I'd be shocked
if they made it at all.

2010
01:36:48,297 --> 01:36:50,198
I bet this sex thing is a ruse.

2011
01:36:50,199 --> 01:36:52,000
- For what?
- They're having trouble.

2012
01:36:52,001 --> 01:36:54,035
Of cold feet, second thoughts.

2013
01:36:54,036 --> 01:36:54,937
Second thoughts?

2014
01:36:54,938 --> 01:36:56,904
They literally just got back together.

2015
01:36:56,905 --> 01:36:59,974
I know. But now they
have this whole sex thing.

2016
01:36:59,975 --> 01:37:02,344
- I don't know.
- First of all...

2017
01:37:02,345 --> 01:37:04,411
we had sex, at the last minute

2018
01:37:04,412 --> 01:37:05,848
right before we got married.

2019
01:37:05,849 --> 01:37:08,216
- I don't think that's true.
- Really?

2020
01:37:08,217 --> 01:37:11,019
You don't remember someone sneaking
into my room right before...

2021
01:37:11,020 --> 01:37:13,855
Who? Who? I'll murder him.

2022
01:37:13,856 --> 01:37:16,023
Text us if you're gonna do this.

2023
01:37:16,024 --> 01:37:18,425
And we'll be there. I've got
the rings, the whole deal.

2024
01:37:18,426 --> 01:37:21,363
- So just, uh...
- We're gonna have sex for 9 minutes.

2025
01:37:21,364 --> 01:37:22,964
We're gonna have sex...

2026
01:37:22,965 --> 01:37:24,432
Yes, we're gonna have sex for 9 minutes.

2027
01:37:24,433 --> 01:37:28,237
Now, I... Now, I'm super happy with 4 to 6.

2028
01:37:28,238 --> 01:37:31,038
4 to 6 minutes or 46 inches?

2029
01:37:31,039 --> 01:37:33,975
- Both.
- I can get to like, 6 and a quarter.

2030
01:37:33,976 --> 01:37:35,611
- I'll show you, right now!
- Prove it.

2031
01:37:35,612 --> 01:37:37,445
- Alright.
- It is so cold.

2032
01:37:37,446 --> 01:37:38,947
- I can't get hard right now.
- Do show me.

2033
01:37:38,948 --> 01:37:40,948
- I can't get hard right now.
- Alright.

2034
01:37:40,949 --> 01:37:42,516
- Ooh, I wanna though.
- Here.

2035
01:37:42,517 --> 01:37:44,019
If they're gonna be 90 minutes...

2036
01:37:44,020 --> 01:37:46,421
- Will this help?
- Yeah. Ooh, that's do it then.

2037
01:37:46,422 --> 01:37:48,112
It's doin' somethin'.

2038
01:37:48,991 --> 01:37:50,991
Ooh, there's a kid lookin' at me.

2039
01:37:50,992 --> 01:37:53,127
The kid's locked eyes with me.

2040
01:37:53,128 --> 01:37:55,063
- Hey.
- We made it work.

2041
01:37:55,064 --> 01:37:58,366
12 years. Who would've thought?

2042
01:37:58,367 --> 01:38:01,068
I bet... I bet my brother 7 and I'd be out.

2043
01:38:01,069 --> 01:38:03,470
- I had to give him $5000.
- What?

2044
01:38:03,471 --> 01:38:05,072
Yeah, 5 years ago.

2045
01:38:05,073 --> 01:38:07,442
I gave him $5000, remember you were so mad?

2046
01:38:07,443 --> 01:38:08,609
- Yeah!
- Yeah.

2047
01:38:08,610 --> 01:38:10,010
- I paid him that...
- You said...

2048
01:38:10,011 --> 01:38:11,979
Because I... I lasted longer.

2049
01:38:11,980 --> 01:38:13,737
You said you got into a car accident.

2050
01:38:14,617 --> 01:38:17,218
It's weird to look at you for this long.

2051
01:38:17,220 --> 01:38:20,188
- What do you mean?
- I never look at you.

2052
01:38:20,189 --> 01:38:22,813
You gotta get a good gander.

2053
01:38:25,627 --> 01:38:27,394
What are you doin'? Don't dance.

2054
01:38:27,395 --> 01:38:30,965
Don't dance, please. Ugh!

2055
01:38:30,966 --> 01:38:32,634
I don't like it. What
are you... what are you...

2056
01:38:32,635 --> 01:38:35,103
Don't grind up on me.

2057
01:38:35,104 --> 01:38:36,537
- What?
- There's not even music.

2058
01:38:36,538 --> 01:38:39,474
Really? There's music in my body.

2059
01:38:39,475 --> 01:38:41,376
Now, something's gonna
happen. Let's get outta here.

2060
01:38:41,377 --> 01:38:44,479
Let's go back to the hotel.
I wanna do stuff to your body.

2061
01:38:44,480 --> 01:38:47,114
Upstairs, downstairs. Right?

2062
01:38:47,115 --> 01:38:49,072
- Yeah.
- Alright!

2063
01:38:51,287 --> 01:38:53,444
- I love you, honey.
- I love you.

2064
01:38:53,688 --> 01:38:55,489
Let's go!

2065
01:38:59,428 --> 01:39:02,429
♪ Lately I feel like ♪

2066
01:39:02,430 --> 01:39:06,156
♪ A blown out birthday candle ♪

2067
01:39:08,604 --> 01:39:10,604
♪ One look in the mirror ♪

2068
01:39:10,605 --> 01:39:14,597
♪ And I know the party's over ♪

2069
01:39:17,046 --> 01:39:21,116
♪ And yeah I want a big house ♪

2070
01:39:21,117 --> 01:39:23,050
♪ With a swimming pool ♪

2071
01:39:23,051 --> 01:39:24,908
♪ Oh oh oh ♪

2072
01:39:25,587 --> 01:39:29,657
♪ Fuck it baby I got you ♪

2073
01:39:29,658 --> 01:39:33,028
♪ Fuck it baby I got you ♪

2074
01:39:33,029 --> 01:39:36,764
♪ I'm so lost in my head ♪

2075
01:39:36,765 --> 01:39:40,335
♪ It's way too real out there ♪

2076
01:39:40,336 --> 01:39:44,538
♪ I'm lost in a daydream I don't care ♪

2077
01:39:44,539 --> 01:39:49,098
♪ I'm oblivious yeah ♪

2078
01:39:53,216 --> 01:39:59,243
♪ Spaced out in the days
I couldn't hear you ♪

2079
01:40:02,390 --> 01:40:07,216
♪ The music drowns
you out I didn't care ♪

2080
01:40:10,565 --> 01:40:14,768
♪ I know you want a quiet house ♪

2081
01:40:14,769 --> 01:40:17,227
♪ With a lemon tree ♪

2082
01:40:19,074 --> 01:40:23,478
♪ I'm sorry baby you're stuck with me ♪

2083
01:40:23,479 --> 01:40:26,715
♪ I'm sorry baby you're stuck with me ♪

2084
01:40:26,716 --> 01:40:30,618
♪ I'm so lost in my head ♪

2085
01:40:30,619 --> 01:40:34,221
♪ It's way too real out there ♪

2086
01:40:34,222 --> 01:40:38,425
♪ I'm lost in a daydream I don't care ♪

2087
01:40:38,426 --> 01:40:42,219
♪ I'm oblivious yeah ♪

2088
01:40:42,697 --> 01:40:46,635
♪ I'm oblivious oh ♪

2089
01:40:46,636 --> 01:40:50,671
♪ I'm oblivious yeah ♪

2090
01:40:50,672 --> 01:40:53,407
♪ I'm oblivious ♪

2091
01:40:53,408 --> 01:40:56,299
♪ Oh oh oh ♪♪

2092
01:40:56,323 --> 01:41:12,323
<font color="#ffff80"><b>Hope it helped -> bozxphd</b></font>