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>> COME ON, MAN.
HURRY UP.
>> IF YOU IN SUCH A HURRY,
YOU COULD HELP.
DON'T TELL ME,
YOU SCARED OF THAT THING.
>> YOU HEARD THE STORIES,
YOU KNOW THE LEGENDS.
>> MAN, THAT'S ALL THEY IS--
STORIES.
>> AREN'T WE DIGGIN'
BASED ON STORIES?
>> YEAH, BUT STORIES OF GOLD
AND FAMILY HEIRLOOMS IS MUCH
MORE BELIEVABLE OVER MONSTERS
AND LIVING SCARECROWS.
MAN, GET OFF ME.
MAN, LEAVE OFF THAT THING.
COME AND HELP ME.
WHAT WAS THAT, OL' JEFFERS?
YOU GONNA FINALLY HELP?
YOU, SIR,
ARE STARTIN' TO ANNOY--
>> JESUS CHRIST, WHAT A DUMP.
AND IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE.
>> YOU KNOW, IT'S BEEN TOO LONG.
I'VE MISSED THIS PLACE.
GOOD BURGERS.
>> UGH.
>> HEY, IT HAS CHARACTER.
I LIKE IT.
>> YOU WOULD.
>> YOU'RE TOO SPOILED
BY CITY LIFE, JAN.
>> IT'S JANELLE.
>> JAN, JANELLE, WHATEVER.
>> YOU WANTED TO
BRING HER ALONG.
>> SO, YOUR FRIEND,
OR COUSIN, WORKS HERE?
>> YEAH.
>> AND THIS GUY, RALPH,
HE KNOWS WHERE WE'RE GOING?
YOU'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE, RIGHT?
>> YES.
>> SHIT, ARE YOU WRITING
A BOOK ON THIS TRIP?
>> HEY, MAYBE.
WHAT, ARE YOU AFRAID THE WORLD'S
GONNA FIND OUT ABOUT YOU?
>> WHAT?
NO.
YOU'RE SO FUCKING ANNOYING.
>> RUNS IN THE FAMILY.
LET'S GO.
>> MY MOM AND HER MOM
THOUGHT IT'D BE A GOOD IDEA
TO BRING HER.
LIKE SHE MIGHT
LOOSEN UP OR SOMETHING.
>> I DUNNO.
IT'S A PRETTY LONG STICK
UP HER ASS.
>> EXCUSE ME, YOUNG 'UNS?
YOU KIDS,
YOU AIN'T FROM AROUND HERE!
>> WHAT GAVE IT AWAY?
>> GOIN' UP IN THE HILLS?
CAMPIN' ARE YA?
>> YES, SIR.
IT'S BEEN A WHILE, BUT, UM--
I THINK WE'RE GONNA
HAVE A GOOD TIME.
>> BOOZE AND ROCK N' ROLL,
I EXPECT!
>> IT'S JUST GONNA BE
SOME HARMLESS FUN, MISTER.
>> HARMLESS?
HA!
OKAY, YOU KIDS GO HAVE SOME FUN.
WHY, I REMEMBER SOME
ADVENTURES UP THERE.
HAD MYSELF SOME LADIES UP THERE,
IF'N YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
TO BE YOUNG AGAIN!
HA HA!
>> AH...
THAT'S A CRAZY OLD COOT.
>> SURE IS.
>> RALPH!
>> HEY MAN, COOL!
YOU'RE HERE.
>> HEY, IT'S BEEN A WHILE.
>> SURE HAS, MAN.
WOW, FAR OUT.
>> YEAH, HEY, UH-- YOU REMEMBER,
UH, JANELLE AND CLAIRE?
>> YEAH, YEAH.
>> AND THIS IS
MY COUSIN JOSEPHINE
I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT.
>> UH...
HI, I'M RALPH.
>> JUST JO IS FINE.
>> OH, UH...
HI, JO.
LET ME SHOW YOU THE PLACE.
>> OKAY.
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> NOT THIS TIME.
>> THAT'S UNFAIR!
>> SHE'S MY COUSIN.
>> AND I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND.
>> RALPHIE, COULD YOU
GET ME A BEER, PLEASE?
>> SURE.
>> OH MY GOSH.
>> IT'S ON THE HOUSE.
>> LIKE HELL IT IS, BOY!
THAT'LL COME OUT OF YOUR CHECK.
>> IT'S ON ME.
>> AH, DON'T WORRY.
IT'S ON THE HOUSE.
YOU GUYS WANT ONE?
>> YEAH.
>> YOU GUYS OFF TO A WILD
WEEKEND UP IN THE HILLS?
>> YEAH, I WAS, UH--
THINKIN' ABOUT NORTH LAKE.
>> AND WHO DID I JUST
BUY FREE BEERS FOR?
>> JOSEPHINE.
EVERYBODY CALLS ME JO.
>> CHARMED.
SHE'S GOT MANNERS, TOO.
>> I GOTTA GO FINISH
PUTTIN' AWAY THE ORDER.
>> HEY, I REMEMBER THIS
TROUBLEMAKER FROM YEARS AGO.
>> YES, SIR.
HEY, IT'S BEEN A WHILE.
I'VE MISSED THIS PLACE.
>> WE HAVEN'T GONE ANYWHERE.
EVERY TIME YOU COME UP,
WE'RE HERE.
>> YEAH?
>> I SUSPECT YOU FOLKS
ARE HEADED OFF TO SAND LAKE
TO DO SOME CAMPIN'.
>> NO, ACTUALLY THEY WANNA
GO OVER TO THE OLD ORCHARDS,
BY HARPER LAKE.
>> YOU DON'T GET YOUR SHIT DONE,
BOY, YOU'RE NOT GOIN' ANYWHERE.
>> AW, SIR, YOU WOULDN'T TAKE
OUR GUIDE AWAY, WOULD YOU?
>> CALL ME DOC, DARLIN'.
AND NO, I WOULDN'T.
BUT...
HARPER LAKE, HUH?
>> IS IT NOT A GOOD SPOT,
DOC, SIR?
>> IF YOU'RE GOIN',
YOU OUGHTA KNOW.
>> KNOW WHAT?
>> THEM ORCHARDS AND LAKE,
THAT WHOLE PATCH IS HAUNTED.
>> OH, COME ON, YOU GUYS.
HE'S JUST TRYING TO SCARE US.
>> NO, NO, NO.
LISTEN HERE...
THERE'S AN EVIL
IN THOSE REGIONS.
WAKES UP EVERY 30 YEARS OR SO.
>> AND LET ME GUESS,
IT'S BEEN 30 YEARS?
>> OR... 15.
>> FIVE, 15, 30...
DOES IT MATTER?
THIS IS THE YEAR
IT WAKES UP, RIGHT?
>> WELL, NO.
>> SO, WHAT'S THE POINT
OF WARNING US?
>> I CAN'T HELP SPINNIN' TALES
TO PRETTY YOUNG GALS LIKE YOU.
>> OH, THAT MAKES IT
SO MUCH BETTER.
>> IT'S A COOL STORY...
IF YOU WANNA HEAR IT.
REALLY GOOD.
REAL GOOD.
CREEPY.
>> FINE, I'LL BITE.
TELL US THE STORY.
>> IF YOU INSIST.
>> I'D INSIST
YOU LET RALPH LEAVE.
>> WHAT'S THE STORY ABOUT?
>> AN EVIL SCARECROW.
>> ARE YOU SERIOUS?
>> AW, NO.
ARE YOU, UH, TELLIN' THEM
ABOUT THAT OLD THING AGAIN?
I, UH...
I DON'T KNOW.
THAT, UH--
THAT DOESN'T SEEM WISE.
>> IT'S JUST A STORY, RIGHT?
IT'S A GHOST STORY?
>> WELL, YEAH, I GUESS.
THEY'VE ALWAYS SAID
THIS AREA'S BEEN CURSED.
WEIRD ACCIDENTS,
STRANGE THINGS HAPPENING.
>> RALPH, YOU DON'T BELIEVE
IT'S A SCARECROW, DO YOU?
>> 'COURSE HE DOESN'T.
HE'S YOUNG AND DUMB,
JUST LIKE ALL OF YOU ARE.
IF YOU CAN'T SEE IT,
OR TOUCH IT, OR SMELL IT,
YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN IT.
WELL, LET ME TELL YOU
ABOUT THE BEGINNING
OF THE CURSE-- OR THE EVIL,
IN THIS REGION.
IT ALL STARTED JUST
BEFORE THE TURN
OF THE LAST CENTURY.
THEY SAY IT WAS A GROUP OF
WITCHES AND WARLOCKS
THAT STARTED IT ALL.
OR THEY SAY IT WAS A GROUP
OF ESCAPED MENTAL PATIENTS
FROM THE OLD ASYLUM
THE NEXT COUNTY OVER.
>> OKAY, SO WAIT A MINUTE.
WHICH IS IT?
'CAUSE THAT'S, LIKE, TWO
COMPLETELY DIFFERENT STORIES.
>> I THOUGHT YOU
WERE THE NICE ONE.
>> I'M SORRY.
>> AW, THAT'S OKAY.
BUT IF YOU MUST KNOW,
IT WAS BOTH.
LEGEND HAS IT,
THERE WAS A FAMILY OF WITCHES
AND WIZARDS THAT FOUNDED
THIS HERE AREA AND TOWN.
THEY KEPT TO THEMSELVES, MOSTLY,
NOT HARMIN' NO ONE.
ALTHOUGH, THERE WERE RUMORS,
AND PEOPLE WERE AFRAID OF THEM,
OF COURSE.
>> OF COURSE.
>> SHH!
>> SORRY.
>> SHH!!
>> ANYWAY, LIKE I WAS SAYIN'...
AFTER TIME, FOLKS GOT TO
AVOIDING THEM FOR THE MOST PART.
YOU SEE, THERE WAS A COUSIN,
AND HE WEREN'T QUITE
RIGHT IN THE HEAD.
HE WOULD PRACTICE HIS
INCANTATIONS OPENLY, SO PEOPLE
COULD SEE, SCARIN' PEOPLE.
ONE DAY, THOUGH, HE KIDNAPS
HIMSELF ONE OF THE TOWNSFOLK'S
KIDS, AND HE DOES SOMETHING
TERRIBLE, AND TORTURES
THE POOR KID, AND SACRIFICES HIM
IN A DARK RITUAL.
>> NO, NO!
>> WELL, THE TOWNSFOLKS
GET ALL STIRRED UP,
AND THEY GO TO THE FAMILY'S
HOUSE AND STORM IT.
THEY GRAB THE COUSIN
AND TWO OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS,
AND HAD A QUICK TRIAL.
THEY FOUND THEM
ALL GUILTY, AS THE COUSIN
LAUGHED AND SPAT.
WELL, THE TOWNSFOLK
HAD THEM ALL COMMITTED
TO THE ASYLUM, WHERE, THROUGH
TREATMENT, THEY WENT MAD.
NOW, THE HEADS OF THE FAMILY
GOT PLENTY ANGRY,
AND THEY WENT TO THE ASYLUM
AND KILLED EVERYONE THERE.
PATIENTS, DOCTORS, ANYONE
AND EVERYONE TO FREE THEIR KIN.
THEY ESCAPED, AND MADE IT BACK
TO THEIR HOMESTEAD.
WHEN THE TOWNSFOLKS FOUND OUT,
THEY BROKE INTO THE HOUSE
AND DRUG THEM ALL OUT,
AND HANGED THEM.
THEN, THEY BURNED
THE HOUSE AND PROPERTY DOWN,
AND SALTED THE EARTH
TO MAKE SURE NOTHING
HAPPENED THERE.
THE FAMILY TOOK A LONG TIME TO
DIE, THOUGH, WHILE SPOUTING OFF
CURSES AND SPELLS.
WHEN THEY FINALLY DIED,
THE TOWNSFOLK DIDN'T WANT
TO BURN THE BODIES.
SO THEY TOOK THEM DEEP
INTO THE WOODS,
SECRET-LIKE, 'CAUSE NOT
ALL THE FAMILY WAS CAUGHT.
THE TOWNSFOLK BELIEVED
THAT THE FREE ONES COULD
RESURRECT THE DEAD ONES,
OR SOME SUCH NONSENSE.
SO A FEW OF THE BRAVE
TOWNSMEN BURIED THE BODIES
IN A SMALL CEMETERY THAT
THEY HAD CREATED, HIDDEN AWAY
SO NO ONE COULD FIND THEM.
>> THIS IS ALL FASCINATING,
BUT WHAT DOES IT HAVE TO DO
WITH THE SCARECROW?
>> PATIENCE, LAD.
CHILL OUT.
NOW, WHERE WAS I?
OH YES, THE SCARECROW.
YOU SEE, THE TOWNSFOLK DIDN'T
THINK TO WARD OFF THE CEMETERY,
OR GET A WISE WOMAN
OR WICCAN TO BLESS IT,
SO THE DARK POWER SEEPED OUT.
IT HAD FOUND, NOT TOO FAR AWAY--
THERE WAS A CORNFIELD,
LONG OVERGROWN, COMPLETE WITH
AN ABANDONED SCARECROW.
WELL, THOSE POWERS SEEPED INTO
THAT THING, AND GAVE IT
A HORRIBLE LIFE.
SOME SAY IT AVENGES UPON
THE DESCENDANTS OF THE TOWNSFOLK
WHO HUNG THE FAMILY.
SOME SAY IT SEARCHES FOR
THE REMAINING FAMILY MEMBER.
BUT IT LIVES AND EXISTS
FOR PURELY EVIL PURPOSES.
>> SO DID THE ESCAPED FAMILY
MEMBER EVER COME BACK?
DID ANYTHING EVER HAPPEN?
>> NO, NOTHING EVER
REALLY HAPPENED.
THEY SAY HE CHANGED HIS NAME,
MOVED OUT OF TOWN.
BEEN HIDDEN EVER SINCE.
>> HE?
>> OR SHE.
>> SO, THAT REALLY HAPPENED?
>> WELL, KIND OF, SORTA.
>> WELL, WHY DIDN'T SOMEONE JUST
GO DIG UP THE CEMETERY
AND WARD IT, OR BIND IT
LIKE YOU SAID?
>> NO ONE KNOWS WHERE IT IS.
>> YOU SAID IT ONLY COMES OUT
EVERY 30 YEARS?
>> 15.
>> EVERY 15 YEARS?
>> OOO, SCARY!
>> WELL, THE GRAVEYARD'S
SUPPOSED TO BE AROUND
THE HARPER LAKE AREA.
SO THERE YOU GO.
>> HASN'T ANYONE EVER
GONE LOOKING FOR IT?
>> WOULD YOU?
ANYONE THAT HAS IS--
>> THEY'VE ALL DISAPPEARED,
RIGHT?
>> WELL, SOME HAVE.
SOME GET LOST AND NEVER FIND
THEIR WAY BACK, AND SOME
DON'T FIND ANYTHING AT ALL.
>> DON'T WORRY.
I'VE LIVED HERE MY WHOLE LIFE.
NOTHING HAS HAPPENED.
I MEAN, I'VE HEARD THE STORIES,
BUT THAT'S ALL THEY ARE,
STORIES TO SCARE KIDS.
YOU DON'T GO TO SLEEP,
THE SCARECROW'LL GET YA.
STUFF LIKE THAT.
>> EAT YOUR VEGGIES
OR THE SCARECROW'LL GET YA!
>> AW, DON'T WORRY
YOUR PRETTY LITTLE HEAD.
YOU GOT RALPH TO
TAKE CARE OF YA.
IT'S JUST A STORY,
IN EXCHANGE FOR FREE DRINKS.
I DON'T GET TO SPEND MUCH TIME
WITH PRETTY GIRLS LIKE YOU.
>> YOU OLD CHARMER.
>> MM-HMM.
>> WE SHOULD GET GOING.
>> WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,
LET'S GET A PICTURE WITH DOC.
>> SHIT.
YOU ARE WRITING A BOOK.
>> I JUST LIKE PICTURES.
EXCUSE ME, WILL YOU
TAKE THIS SHOT FOR US?
>> UH, SURE.
>> THANK YOU.
>> OOH.
>> OVER HERE.
I THINK I FOUND IT.
>> YUP, THIS IS IT.
HARPER LAKE.
>> OKAY, SO I THINK THE TENT
SHOULD GO HERE, AND FIRE HERE.
>> I'VE GOT A BETTER IDEA.
LAST ONE IN'S A SQUARE!
>> NOT... NOT YOU?
>> NO.
THEY'RE GONNA BE DRINKING AND
SMOKING, AND THE TENT WON'T BE
PUT UP, AND THE FIRE
WON'T BE BUILT.
>> I'LL HELP.
>> NO, IT'S FINE.
GO HAVE FUN.
>> I CAN'T SWIM.
>> OKAY, COME ON.
>> YOU'RE NOT STILL WORRIED
ABOUT DOC'S STORIES, ARE YA?
>> UM, NO.
I MEAN, THEY'RE JUST STORIES,
RIGHT?
I'M JUST WORRIED
ABOUT THOSE TWO,
AND MY IDIOT COUSIN JANELLE.
>> I WOULDN'T WORRY,
THEY'RE WITH GEORGE.
>> THAT'S WHAT
I'M WORRIED ABOUT.
>> YOU KNOW,
YOU'RE A LOT MORE FUN
THAN SHE SAID YOU'D BE.
>> WHO?
>> JANELLE.
SHE SAID YOU CAN BE KIND OF A...
A PRUDE.
>> WHAT?
>> OH, YOU SHOULD HAVE
SEEN YOUR FACES.
OH MY GOD.
>> THAT'S NOT FUNNY.
>> YEAH, IT IS.
>> CHECK OUT WHAT WE FOUND.
>> WHERE'D YOU FIND THAT?
>> UH, I FOUND IT ON A SCARECROW
IN THE FIELD BACK THERE.
>> BY THE CEMETERY?
>> YEAH, WHY?
>> YOU HEARD THE STORIES.
>> WHA-- WHAT DID YOU
DO THAT FOR?
>> SHE'S WORRIED ABOUT WHAT THAT
OLD MAN SAID, ABOUT SCARECROW
OF THE LAKE, OR SOME DUMB SHIT.
YOU ARE SO NAIVE.
THOSE STORIES WERE JUST MADE UP
TO KEEP US FROM
HAVING A GOOD TIME.
>> WELL?
>> DON'T WORRY, DEAR.
IN ALL THE MONSTER STORIES,
IT'S ALWAYS THE VIRGIN
THAT GETS TO BE THE HERO.
YOU CAN SAVE US ALL.
>> FUCK YOU.
>> JUST LET HER GO.
SHE CAN COOL OFF.
>> BESIDES, I BROUGHT THIS.
HEYYYY.
>> NOW WE HAVE A CHANCE TO CHAT.
>> I'M GOIN' AFTER HER.
>> UGH, IT'S NOT LIKE
YOU'RE GONNA GET ANY!
AT LEAST FROM HER, ANYWAY.
>> COOL IT, BITCH.
I SAID HE'S OFF LIMITS.
>> YEAH, BUT...
>> MAYBE WE CAN HAVE SOME FUN
WITH CLAIRE LATER?
>> THAT SOUNDS PEACHY.
I'D RATHER HAVE SOME FUN
RIGHT NOW.
>> COME ON.
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> I SAID LATER.
MAYBE.
>> THERE YOU GO.
BYE.
>> HE'S OFF LIMITS...
SHE'S MY COUSIN...
I SAID, LATER...
MAYBE...
YOU LEAVE ME ALL ALONE OUT HERE?
FUCKIN' BITCH!
FUCKIN' HOPE THE FUCKIN'
SCARECROW GETS YOU.
FUCKIN' BITCH.
>> SMOOTH.
I'M SO GONNA GET LOST.
WITHOUT A FRICKIN' FLASHLIGHT,
WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?
>> ONE-PUMP CHUMP.
HOW FUCKING ANNOYING.
I CHANGED MY MIND, CLAIRE,
YOU CAN HAVE...
>> HEY, COME BACK, COME BACK,
I NEED TO TRY AGAIN.
GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE!
GIVE--
>> JO!
JOSEPHINE, RUN!
>> OH, SHIT!
IT'S JUST A SCARECROW.
WHAT THE FUCK?
>> AND...
AS RALPH DROPPED HIS LIGHTER,
THE CREATURE DEVOURED HIM...
SWALLOWED HIS SOUL...
DAMNING HIM FOR ALL ETERNITY.
>> WAIT, WAIT, SO WAS THERE
MORE THAN ONE SCARECROW?
OR HOW DID IT GET FROM
CAMP TO RALPH SO FAST?
>> WHO'S TELLIN' THE STORY HERE?
>> JESUS, TRAV,
IT'S JUST A STORY.
AM I RIGHT, BEC?
>> HMM?
>> GOD, STOP FLIRTING
WITH EVERY MALE YOU SEE.
>> I WASN'T FLIRTING WITH YOU.
>> OOH, BURN!
>> COME ON, YOU TWO, LOCK IT UP.
I WANNA HEAR THE REST OF THIS.
>> NO, COME ON, TRAVIS,
I'VE HEARD ENOUGH.
>> AW, YOU SCARED?
>> HOLD UP.
IT'S JUST AN URBAN LEGEND,
RIGHT?
>> WELL, THERE IS TRUTH TO ALL
URBAN LEGENDS, ISN'T THERE?
>> SO WHAT HAPPENED?
>> COME ON, IT KILLED THEM ALL,
RIGHT?
>> BECAUSE THEY SKINNY DIPPED
AND HAD SEX?
>> AND GOT DRUNK, AND HIGH.
>> AND LET'S NOT FORGET,
SOMEBODY DEFILED THE SCARECROW.
>> AND IT GOT THEM ALL.
>> EXCEPT...
THE VIRGIN.
>> EXCEPT THE VIRGIN.
>> WELL, I GUESS I DON'T HAVE TO
TELL THE REST OF THE STORY,
SINCE YOU ALL HAVE IT
FIGURED OUT.
>> WAIT, SO...
WAS ALL THIS UP AT THE LAKE,
BY THE HILLS?
>> AYE, T'WAS, T'WAS.
LET ALL WARY TRAVELERS BEWARE,
SPOIL NOT NATURE.
>> HEY, WE ARE
ONLY GOING CAMPING.
>> YEAH, YOU'RE KINDA
HARSHING OUR BUZZES.
>> YOU CITY FOLK
ARE ALL THE SAME,
TRAIPSIN' THROUGH NATURE
AND GOIN' WHERE
YOU AREN'T WANTED.
YOU NEED TO LEARN TO RESPECT
WHAT ISN'T YOURS.
STRANGE AND DARK THINGS
LURK IN THE NIGHT...
AND IN THOSE WOODS.
YOU'D BEST BE CAREFUL.
DAMN IT, DOC!
STOP MAKIN' A MESS!
>> SORRY, JO.
I GOT ALL CAUGHT UP
IN YOUR STORY.
>> THIS ISN'T FUNNY, GUYS.
>> OH, SHE'S JUST
TRYING TO SCARE US.
WE WOULD HAVE HEARD ABOUT THIS.
I MEAN, WHY WASN'T IT
ON THE NEWS?
>> WAIT A MINUTE,
HOLD THE GODDAMN PHONE.
DOC, DID YOU SAY?
AS IN, DOC FROM THE STORY?
AND THEN, JO?
JO IS SHORT FOR JOSEPHINE?
>> WAIT, SO YOUR COUSIN WAS
KILLED BY THE SCARECROW?
>> AND RALPH?
POOR RALPH?
>> CLEARLY, DOC AND JOSEPHINE
WERE MEMBERS OF THE COVEN
THAT WAS TERRORIZING THE TOWN.
AT LEAST, JOSEPHINE WAS.
WHAT THE FUCK?
PAY ATTENTION TO THE STORY.
>> HOW ABOUT THIS,
CAN WE GET ONE MORE
ROUND OF SHOTS?
I'LL PICK UP THE TAB, AND THEN
WE'LL GET OUT OF YOUR HAIR.
>> WOULD YOU STOP THAT?
>> WHAT?
YOU'RE NOT MY MOM,
QUIT TELLIN' ME WHAT TO DO.
>> THERE YOU GO, ON THE HOUSE.
>> WHY THANK YOU, LADY.
>> I'M REALLY NOT SURE
I WANT ONE.
>> FINE, YOU CAN DRIVE.
SALUTE!
>> NOSTROVIA.
>> HERE'S TO A WEEKEND,
AND HONOR.
>> HA, YOU WISH!
>> OH, BEC.
>> I'LL TELL YOU SOMETIME.
>> DON'T YOU MEAN SHOW HER?
EW...
>> HEY, WHATEVER.
LET'S JUST TAKE THESE SHOTS.
I GOTTA RUN TO
THE LITTLE BOY'S ROOM.
>> YOU SAID IT, NOT US.
>> WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS THIS WAY?
>> WHAT WAY?
YOU'RE JUST WAVING AT ME.
>> YUP.
>> WHY DID YOU DO THAT
TO YOUR HAIR?
>> YOU'RE ALWAYS
ACTING LIKE MY MOM, GOD.
>> SHOT?
>> YEAH.
>> HOLY SHIT.
>> OH, FUCK.
>> YO, HOLY SHIT.
IS THIS DOC RIGHT HERE?
>> WHAT THE FUCK, DOC?
YOU WERE OLD BACK THEN, TOO?
>> HEY, DON'T BE RUDE.
I'VE STAYED YOUNG
ALL THESE YEARS.
>> MAN, I HOPE TO LOOK
HALF AS GOOD AS YOU, MAN,
WHEN I'M WHATEVER AGE YOU ARE.
AND THEY SAY BLACK DON'T CRACK,
FUCK.
>> OH MY GOD,
JOSEPHINE, IS THAT YOU?
YOU WERE SO PRETTY.
YOU'RE STILL SO PRETTY!
>> YOU'RE TOO KIND.
>> IS THAT RALPH AND GEORGE?
THEY'RE CUTE.
>> ALL RIGHT,
THAT'S ENOUGH REMINISCING.
YOU GUYS GO ON, HAVE FUN.
BE SAFE.
>> DOC.
>> THANK YOU.
THANK YOU FOR BEING SO NICE.
>> COOL BAR.
I HATE CAMPING.
I'M SURE WE'LL BE BACK.
AT LEAST KEL AND I.
>> LOOKIN' FORWARD TO IT.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT
I'M THINKIN', WYATT?
>> WELL, I'M A' GUESSIN' IT
AIN'T THE GEOPOLITICAL UPHEAVAL
OUR COUNTRY'S BEEN GOIN'
THROUGH, NOR THE IMPLICATIONS
OF THE RELIGIONS OF THE WORLD
CONSPIRIN' TO BRING ABOUT
THE END TIMES, NOR ANY
OF THE SO-CALLED
CONSPIRACIES FACING
OUR CORRUPT BANKING SYSTEM,
OR THE RAMPANT CAPITALISM
FOR THE LAST THREE DECADES.
>> I MEAN, THAT IS ON MY MIND,
BUT NO.
>> UH, DWINDLIN' POPULATION OF
THE WORLD'S BEES, AND WHAT
THAT MEANS WHEN THE CROPS
AREN'T FERTILIZED?
UH, SUPER CORPORATIONS PUSHING
THE GMOs ON THE WORLD,
WHEN IN FACT, IT'S THOSE
SAME CORPORATIONS AND GMOs
ENGINEERING SAID
DISTRACTION OF BEES?
>> I MEAN, I DO KIND OF HAVE MY
OWN THEORY ON THAT, BUT PERHAPS
WE COULD COVER THAT
ANOTHER TIME?
>> PERHAPS...
SPACE EXPLORATION,
AND THE DECLINE
OF THE SPACE PROGRAM?
>> NOPE.
>> TAYLOR SWIFT'S NEW SINGLE?
>> NO!
> WELL, JUDGING BY THE GLEAM
IN YOUR EYE, THE STORY
OLD JOSEPHINE WAS
TELLIN' THEM KIDS,
THE FACT THE ONE WAS SCARED,
ONE WAS RUDE,
AND ONE WAS FLIRTIN' WITH YA,
I'D SAY YOU WANNA GO OUT
AND SCARE THE EVER-LIVIN'
BEJEEZUS OUT OF THOSE KIDS WITH
SOME OLD SCARECROW OUTFITS, EVEN
THOUGH THAT WOULD NOT BE P.C.
>> IT'S AMAZIN', MAN.
HOW DID YOU DO THAT WYATT?
YOU KNOW ME SO WELL.
THAT'S PRECISELY WHAT
I WAS THINKIN', MAN.
>> WELL WHY COULDN'T YOU
JUST SAY THAT?
I'M IN LIKE FLYNN.
>> WAIT, WYATT, WHO'S FLYNN?
>> IT'S JUST AN
EXPRESSION, VIRG.
>> OH, OKAY.
>> WHAT DO YOU TWO MISCREANTS
THINK YOU'RE UP TO?!
>> OH, NOTHIN' JOSEPHINE!
>> YOU'RE LEAVIN' EARLY
ON FRIDAY NIGHT?
SOMETHIN' SMELLS FISHY.
>> UH, WELL, YOU DID MAKE US
A FISH FRY EARLIER, MA'AM.
>> YOU DID DO THAT.
>> DON'T GET SMART
WITH ME, FOOL.
YOU TWO ARE FIXIN' TO GO UP AND
DO SOMETHING TO THOSE CITY KIDS.
>> OH, COME ON NOW,
WE WOULDN'T DREAM OF IT.
THAT'S JUST CRUEL, JOSEPHINE.
>> YOU GO TRAIPSIN' THROUGH
THOSE WOODS, YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'LL STIR UP.
>> OH, COME NOW.
THOSE WAS JUST STORIES YOU WAS
TELLIN' THEM KIDS, RIGHT?
YOU KNOW, FAIRY TALES TO AMUSE
THE FANTASTICALLY BORED,
UNCARING YOUTHS OF
THE TECHNO AGE?
>> METAPHORS.
METAPHORS AGAINST THE DANGERS
OF PREMARITAL SEX, DRUG USE,
RECKLESS DRINKIN',
AND WILD ABANDON OF YOUTH.
>> WELL, SINCE YOU TWO
KNOW BETTER, DON'T SAY
I DIDN'T WARN YA.
ANOTHER BEER, DOC?
>> YOU KNOW, IT JO-JO.
>> WYATT, HOW DO YOU THINK
SHE KNEW, MAN?
>> THEY SAY SHE'S A WITCH,
A WOMAN OF THE WOODS.
>> A WITCH?
COME ON, YOU DON'T BELIEVE
THAT B.S., NOW WHAT--
>> SHH.
I DUNNO.
I KNOW THAT THERE'S STRANGE
THINGS THAT HAPPEN IN THIS WORLD
THAT ARE BEYOND THE REASONIN'
AND RECKONIN' OF US MORTALS.
BUT IF SHE IS, OR HAPPENS TO BE
A DABBLER IN THE ARTS, I DO NOT
WISH TO COME AFOUL OF HER.
>> SO WHAT I'M HEARIN' IS,
YOU DON'T WANNA
SCARE THESE KIDS, NOW?
>> OH, HELL NO.
WHAT ELSE WE GOT TO DO?
>> LET'S GO.
>> OH, BOYS...
I AM NOT A WITCH.
AND DON'T COME CRAWLIN' BACK
HERE WHEN YOUR PLAN BACKFIRES!
>> BYE-BYE!
>> PRETTY SURE ONE OF THESE
GOTTA BE THE NORTH STAR, RIGHT?
>> HEY!
>> THINKIN' I GOT IT
THIS TIME, MAN.
>> THANK YOU FOR YET ANOTHER
CONSISTENTLY TERRIBLE IDEA.
>> MAYBE JUST PRETEND
YOU'RE WORKIN' ON YOUR
SCARY SCARECROW WALK.
SORRY.
>> HEY, THESE OUTFITS
ARE REALLY STUPID.
>> YOU GOT A BETTER IDEA, MAN?
COME ON!
>> WELL, NO, BUT WHY DIDN'T
WE WAIT UNTIL WE FOUND 'EM
TO PUT ALL THIS CRAP ON?
>> I MEAN, THEY'RE STAYING OUT
BY THE OLD LAKE.
GONNA BE THAT WAY
OR THAT WAY, RIGHT?
WHA-- OH CRAP, YOU HEAR THAT?
>> YOUR IMAGINATION
IS RUNNIN' AWAY WITH YOU.
>> BUT, EH--
>> JOSEPHINE'S STORIES
ARE MESSIN' WITH YOUR HEAD.
>> OH, LET'S--
LET'S TRY THIS WAY, HUH?
>> IT'S ABOUT THAT TIME.
>> MM-HMM.
>> YOU, UH, HEADED HOME
TO THE MISTER?
GONNA HAVE SOME
FRIDAY NIGHT ACTIVITIES?
WELL?
>> DON'T YOU WORRY
ABOUT IT, DEAR.
>> DON'T WORRY ABOUT--
ABOUT WHAT?
ARE YOU STAYIN' AROUND HERE?
BECAUSE--
WELL, I-- I GOT THIS.
I AM A-OK.
THE SHERIFF APPOINTED ME
HIS RIGHT-HAND MAN.
THE RIGHT HAND OF THE LAW.
>> MM-HMM, YOU KIDS THESE DAYS.
>> KIDS?
I THINK I'M OLDER THAN YOU ARE.
HOW OLD ARE YOU?
>> VERY WELL.
I SUPPOSE THERE'S NOTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT, SINCE YOU HAVE
THAT LAW ENFORCEMENT DEGREE.
>> CRIMINAL JUSTICE.
WELL, YOU SHOULD BE JUST FINE,
THEN, COMIN' FROM THE BIG CITY,
SHOULDN'T YA?
>> EVERYONE LOVES ME.
THEY ALL KNOW ME.
I'VE BEEN HERE NEARLY A YEAR.
>> MM-HMM, I SEE.
YOU KNOW, THERE'S SOME THINGS IN
THIS COUNTRY THAT YOU CITY FOLKS
JUST DON'T KNOW ABOUT.
YOU BETTER WATCH YOURSELF.
>> LIKE WHAT?
LIKE WITCHES?
MONSTERS?
>> DON'T BURN THE PLACE DOWN,
MORGAN.
HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND.
>> YES, MA'AM.
>> AND DON'T MESS WITH MY DESK.
>> HEY, WYATT?
>> HUH?
>> WYATT, DID YOU EVER HEAR ANY
OF THOSE STORIES OL' JOSEPHINE
WAS TELLIN' BEFORE, MAN?
>> ABOUT THE SCARECROW?
>> THOSE ARE THE ONES.
>> VIRG, IF YOU KNEW THE STORIES
I'VE HEARD ABOUT MOST THINGS,
YOU'D NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE.
>> WHOA-WHOA-WHOA,
SO IT IS TRUE?
>> I DIDN'T SAY THAT.
>> SO IT'S NOT TRUE?
>> DIDN'T SAY THAT EITHER.
>> WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU SAYIN', MAN?
>> I'M SAYIN', DAMN IT, VIRG,
YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE,
DO YOU?
YOU DUN GOT US LOST!
>> AIN'T YOU THE OLDER ONE?
AIN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO KNOW
THE WHOLE WOODS LIKE
THE BACK OF YOUR HAND, WYATT?
>> WELL VIRG, CONSIDERING THIS
WAS YOUR IDEA, I WAS OPERATING
UNDER THE ASSUMPTION THAT YOU
WAS THE LEADER OF THIS HERE
EXPEDITION, AND DESPITE
THE NUMEROUS OCCASIONS
WHEN YOUR PLANS BACKFIRED
UPON US, I WAS GIVIN' YOU
A CHANCE TO SHOW OFF
YOUR LEADERSHIP ABILITY
AND WOODCRAFT LORE.
IT SEEMS I MAY HAVE ERRED.
>> SHH-SHH-SHH!
>> YOU DON'T HEAR SHIT.
>> HOLY CRAP!
HOLY CRAP!
OH GOD!
WYATT?
WYATT, IS THAT YOU, MAN?
THIS IS NO TIME TO BE MESSIN'
AROUND WITH ME, WYATT.
YOU OUT THERE?
OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD.
DAMN IT, WYATT!
WHAT ARE YOU DOIN', MAN?
TRYIN' TO SCARE THE PISS
OUT OF ME, MAN?
WALKIN' AROUND IN THESE WOODS.
CAN WE JUST GET THE KIDS?
GOD--
OH.
OH YOU'RE GETTIN' INTO
CHARACTER, I SEE, OKAY.
SAVE IT FOR THEM, MAN.
HEY!
COME ON!
>> IT'S YOUR TURN.
DO JAMES EARL JONES.
>> ALL RIGHT.
SIMBA, YOU DELIBERATELY
DISOBEYED ME.
EVERYTHING THE LIGHT
TOUCHES IS OUR KINGDOM--
>> THIS ISN'T FUN ANYMORE.
>> STOP BEING SUCH A BABY.
>> I DUNNO, BEC.
THOSE GUYS AT THE BAR
CREEPED ME OUT, TOO.
>> CAN YOU HELP ME OUT HERE?
>> I MEAN, IT'S A LITTLE CREEPY,
BUT IT'S FUN, THOUGH.
>> IT'S NOT FUN ANYMORE.
>> COME ON, MAN, LIKE,
AN EVIL SCARECROW?
LIKE, I'D BE MORE CREEPED OUT
ABOUT FUTURE PEDOPHILES
OF AMERICA...
AT THE BAR.
>> RIGHT?
THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYIN'.
IF MISS HUMPS-LOT OVER HERE
DIDN'T FLIRT WITH THEM THE WHOLE
TIME, GETTIN' 'EM ALL RILED UP.
>> WHATEVER.
>> YOU WERE REALLY FLIRTY.
>> WHORISH.
>> WHO THE FUCK IS OUT THERE?!
I'LL KICK YOUR ASS!
>> SIT YOUR ASS DOWN!
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE DOING?
>> I MEAN, YOU DON'T WANT 'EM
TO KNOW WHERE WE ARE.
>> YEAH, LIKE THEY CAN'T SEE
THAT IN THE FUCKIN' DARK.
>> FUCK OFF.
>> CAN WE PLEASE GO HOME?
>> ALL RIGHT, COME ON,
COME ON, CALM DOWN.
MAYBE REBECCA WAS RIGHT.
MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST STEP AWAY
FROM THE FIRE
AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
>> OH YEAH.
I GOT THIS.
>> OH MY GOD.
ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASSES
HAVE DONE WONDERS FOR YOU.
>> WHO BETTER TO PROTECT US?
>> NO, HE STAYS WITH ME!
>> YEAH, LET'S GO
GET US A SCARECROW.
OR A REDNECK.
WHATEVER.
>> NO.
>> OH, LET'S GO GET US A
SCARECROW, OR A REDNECK,
WHATEVER-- NO!
I JUST WANNA FUCKIN' SIT HERE
AND DRINK MY GODDAMN BEER.
>> LET'S GO!
>> NOPE, NOPE.
>> LET'S GO!
>> DAGNABBIT, VIRG!
WHAT HAVE YOU GOTTEN US INTO?
I HATE YOU.
OH, SHIT.
IT'S THEM KIDS.
WHAT DO I DO NOW?
>> DO YOU SEE-- DO YOU--
>> WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?
>> OKAY, SHH!
>> DID YOU SEE?
>> OKAY.
>> FUCK!
>> YEAH.
>> WELL, SHIT.
AIN'T THIS GRAND.
ANYBODY HERE?
>> LOOKIN' FOR US, CREEP?
>> DO YOU THINK THIS
IS FUCKING FUNNY,
TRYING TO SCARE US LIKE THAT?
WE'LL SHOW YOU.
>> VIRG...
>> WE DID IT.
>> YEAH!
WE KILLED IT!
>> HEY, HEY, HEY!
GET BACK HERE!
>> SEE, TOLD YOU, MAN.
REBECCA CAN TAKE CARE
OF HERSELF.
>> YEAH, I GUESS SO,
BUT I REALLY THOUGHT
THERE WERE TWO OF 'EM.
>> I SHALL PROTECT YOU.
>> MY HERO.
>> STRANGE THINGS, JO.
I DON'T LIKE IT.
>> THINK IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT?
>> WHO'S TO SAY?
IT'S BEEN QUIET FOR YEARS.
>> YEAH, WELL, CAN'T BE HELPED.
BEST TO PREPARE, JUST IN CASE.
>> ALL RIGHT,
WE'LL TRY THAT AGAIN.
YOU WANT YOU TO GO HIGH,
AND I'LL GO LOW?
OR YOU WANNA GO LOW?
>> OH...
I'LL-- I'LL TAKE THE HIGH ROAD.
>> GOOD CHOICE.
GLORY GLORY
>> WAIT.
MINE EYES HAVE SEEN THE COMING
OF THE GLORY OF THE LORD
>> I GUESS WE DON'T
KNOW THE LYRICS, FATHER.
>> WE DON'T KNOW THE LYRICS.
AND SAINTS GO MARCHING IN
GLORY GLORY HALLELUJAH
HIS TRUTH IS MARCHING ON
>> OH, THAT'S A WONDERFUL SONG.
>> WELL DONE, WELL DONE.
>> WONDERFUL SONG.
>> I LOVE YOUR VOICE, FATHER.
IT'S LIKE A CHORUS OF ANGELS.
>> YEAH, I REALLY FELT
THE SPIRIT ON THAT ONE.
>> MAN, I STILL CAN'T SEE
NOTHIN' OUTTA THESE MASKS, MAN.
DAMN IT, WYATT,
WE FOUND MORE ASPHALT, MAN.
UNLESS THESE KIDS ARE CAMPIN'
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET,
I DON'T THINK WE GOING
THE RIGHT WAY!
OH CRAP, THERE'S
A CAR COMIN', MAN!
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
GLORY GLORY HALLELUJAH
THEY CAN'T SEE US
LIKE THIS, MAN!
HALLELUJAH
>> DEAR GOD,
WHAT IS THAT UP THERE?
>> OH MY...
>> YOU SEE THAT?
>> IT'S HORRIBLE.
>> COME ON, MAN!
>> OH GOD, IT'S TERRIBLE!
>> GO, GO, GO, GO!!!
JESUS CHRIST, WHAT THE HELL?!
OH MY GOD, JESUS CHRIST!
>> LET'S GET THE FUCK
OUT OF HERE!
>> HELLO, GOOD EVENING,
SHERIFF'S STATION.
DEPUTY SHERIFF MORGAN SPEAKING.
WHOA!
WHOA, EASY.
FATHER...
FATHER ROTHSTEIN.
SETTLE DOWN, WHAT--
A WHAT?
UH, REALLY?
YOU DON'T SAY?
AND IT'S A SCARECROW?
OKAY.
OKAY, UH--
SURE, A SCARECROW.
UH, YEAH.
YOU KNOW, FATHER, ISN'T IT--
ISN'T IT A SIN FOR
A MAN OF THE CLOTH TO
PARTICIPATE IN PRANKS ON PEOPLE?
REALLY?
OKAY.
OKAY, SURE.
WELL, DID THE SHERIFF
PUT YOU UP TO THIS?
I BET HE DID.
YEAH, WELL HE'S NOT
GONNA GET ME OVER AGAIN.
OKAY, WHERE?
OKAY, I'M HEADED THERE
RIGHT NOW.
RIGHT, RIGHT.
MAN OH MAN.
>> BETTY, I SUSPECT
THAT DOG HAS TO GO OUT.
>> SOMETHIN' OUT THERE
GOT HIM ALL RILED UP.
>> ALRIGHTY THEN.
>> GO ON, NOW!
COME ON, GIT!
GIT!
HA!
>> LITTLE FELLA
SEEMS ALL RILED UP OUT THERE.
I'D BEST GO CHECK.
WE DON'T NEED ANOTHER
SKUNK INCIDENT.
>> OR WORSE.
IT'S WORSE.
>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S
GOTTEN INTO YOU, WYATT,
BUT THAT SURE WAS FUNNY, MAN.
OH, JESUS.
>> WHERE'S MY PISTOL?
THERE'S SOMETHIN' OUT THERE.
>> COME ON, MAN.
COME ON.
WYATT, YOU GOT A MEAN
OL' STREAK IN YOU, MAN.
OKAY, I KINDA FIGURED
YOU'D SAY THAT.
NOW CAN WE STOP FOOLIN' AROUND
AND GO FIND THOSE KIDS?
COME ON, MAN.
>> HOW ABOUT OREOS?
>> I LIKE THEM.
>> HOW ABOUT BEING ONE?
>> WHAT?
>> OL' JOSEPHINE WAS RIGHT,
NO GOOD CAN COME OF THIS.
>> SCARECROW!
>> WE'RE GONNA GET YA!
>> OH, CHRIST ALL FRIDAY!
>> COME OUT AND PLAY!
>> SHERIFF, SHERIFF!
YOU GOTTA GIVE ME A HAND
ON SOMETHIN'.
HEY, UH, NICE TO SEE YOU DEPUTY.
>> HOW YA DOIN', BILL?
>> HOW ARE YA?
>> GOOD, GOOD.
HOW'S IT GOIN'?
>> I WAS WONDERIN' IF, POSSIBLY,
UH, YOU COULD GET THE SHERIFF
TO COME OUT OF THE BACK?
I'M HAVIN' A SITUATION
WITH MY DOG.
>> YEAH, WHAT'S THE SITUATION
WITH THE DOG?
>> WELL, I'M SURE YOU CAN HANDLE
REGULAR DOG SITUATIONS,
BUT BELIEVE ME,
THIS IS A--
UNUSUAL DOG SITUATION,
AND, UH--
>> REALLY?
>> WE'D JUST AS SOON HAVE
THE SHERIFF'S EXPERTISE
AND YEARS OF EXPERIENCE
ON THE CASE.
>> RIGHT.
UH, HE'S NOT REACHABLE
RIGHT NOW.
I COULD HELP YOU OUT
IF YOU NEED IT.
>> YES, THAT WOULD BE WONDERFUL.
BUT IF WE COULD PERHAPS
HAVE THE SHERIFF, UH,
CONSULTED BY PHONE?
>> WELL, I CAN LEAVE HIM
A MESSAGE, TELL HIM
TO GET AHOLD OF YA.
>> WELL, IS HE ON VACATION
MUCH LONGER, DEPUTY?
>> UH, A FEW MORE DAYS.
>> I GUESS I'LL WAIT AT HOME
FOR MY ANSWER, AND YOU COULD
HAVE HIM, UH, CALL ME
AT YOUR FIRST CONVENIENCE?
>> OKAY.
>> OKAY, THANK YOU, DEPUTY.
>> THANK YOU.
>> HAVE A GOOD DAY.
>> YOU TOO.
>> GOOD NIGHT.
>> AND SLEEP TIGHT.
AND MAKE SURE YOU SLEEP.
>> TIMMY!
TIMMY!
>> WHAT?
I WAS SLEEPIN'.
MOM'LL GET MAD.
>> TIMMY, I'M SCARED.
>> OF WHAT?
GO TO SEEP.
>> THE SCARECROW.
>> THERE'S NO SUCH THING.
>> OH YEAH?
LOOK.
>> WYATT!
WHAT IN THE SAM HILL
ARE YOU DOIN' NOW, MAN?
I SWEAR, WHAT HAS
GOTTEN INTO YOU, DUDE?
>> IT'S A SCARECROW,
IT'S A SCARECROW AT THE WINDOW!
>> GET YOUR GUN, DAD,
AND BLAST IT!
>> WE GOT TO GIT, WYATT!
COME ON, MAN!
WYATT, DO YOU KNOW
WHAT GIT MEANS?
COME ON!
>> YOU SEE ANYTHING?
>> NO.
I'M GONNA GO CHECK.
YOU LOCK THE DOOR AND HOLE UP
WITH THE KIDS, OKAY?
>> OKAY.
CAREFUL, YOU DAMN FOOL.
>> JUST IN CASE.
>> YOU KNOW THAT WON'T
DO NO GOOD.
EXCEPT MAKE IT MAD.
>> WELL, JO, I'M JUST HOPIN'
IT'S NOTHIN' BUT YOUR NERVES.
YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE
TOLD THAT STORY.
JUST SAYIN'.
>> EVERY TIME I GET TO SCHOOL,
I TELL HIM HE HAS TO GO
TO THE BATHROOM
AND LICK THE TOILET.
I EVEN TOLD HIM, "MY DAD'S
THE SHERIFF, YOU HAVE TO
DO WHAT I SAY."
THERE'S REALLY NO OPTION.
>> I TELL YOU WHAT!
>> OH, I DON'T WANNA KNOW THAT!
>> YEAH, I PANCAKED HIM.
IT WAS-- IT WAS TERRIBLE, MAN.
>> THAT'S GROSS.
>> OH YEAH, WE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT
TO DO WITH HIM, SO WE KINDA JUST
THREW HIM OUT IN THE BACK,
AND WE JUST-- YOU KNOW,
JUST ANOTHER GOPHER IN THE YARD.
>> I-- I FULLY SUPPORT
WHAT YOU TOLD US.
>> EVAN!
EVAN!
OKAY, YOUR MOM WAS TALKIN'
TO MY MOM ABOUT HOW
SHE WAS TALKING TO YOUR UNCLE--
IT'S KINDA LIKE, MY GRANDPA,
HE WAS TALKIN' TO
THE CONVENIENCE STORE GUY,
WHICH I THINK WAS TALKIN'--
>> WELL GET ON WITH IT, NOW!
>> THIS SCARECROW POPS
OUTTA NOWHERE, AND SCARES
YOUR BROTHER AND SISTER.
>> MY BROTHER AND SISTER?
>> WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
>> WE'RE GONNA GET
THAT SUMBITCH!
>> YEAH!
LET'S GET 'UM!
>> YEAH!!!
>> COME ON!
>> JUST GOTTA CATCH MY BREATH.
I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR
THE EXERTION TODAY.
WHAT THE HELL IS GOIN' ON HERE?
VIRG, WHEN I GET
MY HANDS ON YOU...
>> WAIT, DID YOU
BRING IT THIS TIME?
>> YEAH.
>> NOT LIKE LAST TIME?
>> YEAH.
>> WELL, WHERE IS IT?
>> SHIT, IT'S IN THE CAR.
>> YOU'D BEST GO GET IT, THEN.
AND MORE WINE, TOO.
HURRY, BEFORE I CHANGE MY MIND.
YOU'RE MINE NOW, YOU BIG DUMMY.
>> THAT WAS SOME
FUNNY SHIT, WYATT!
>> WHAT THE HELL?
I'LL GET YOU,
YOU SON OF A BITCH!
>> COME ON, JOE.
I WANT TO GO HOME.
>> DAMN IT.
>> I WANT TO GO HOME NOW!
>> IF I FIND THAT GUY...
> OH MAN, YOU'RE PISSIN' OFF
EVERYBODY TONIGHT.
LET'S SKEDADDLE, MAN.
>> COME ON, KELLY, KEEP UP.
>> I'M GETTIN' KINDA BORED.
AND TIRED.
>> DO YOU WANNA GO BACK?
DON'T YOU WANNA CATCH THIS GUY?
THERE'S A HOUSE RIGHT THERE.
WE'LL GO AND SEE
IF THEY SAW ANYTHING.
>> WHAT IF IT'S NOT A GUY?
>> DO YOU MEAN,
"WHAT IF IT'S NOT A GUY?"
AS IN, IT'S AN ACTUAL SCARECROW?
WE'LL STILL BEAT ITS ASS.
>> HEY!
WHO GOES THERE?
WHO ARE YOU?
I HAVE A GUN AND I WILL USE IT.
>> YEAH?
WELL I HAVE THIS STICK,
AND I'LL KICK YOUR ASS!
>> DUDE, WAIT.
HI, I'M-I'M KELLY,
AND THIS IS REBECCA.
WE-- WE'RE JUST CAMPIN'
WITH SOME FRIENDS, AND--
WHAT WE ASSUME WAS A DUDE
DRESSED AS A SCARECROW
CAME TO TERRORIZE US.
WE BEAT HIM UP, AND NOW
WE'RE JUST CHASIN' HIM.
MY FRIEND WILL KICK YOUR ASS
IF YOU TRY TO HURT US.
>> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
FAIR ENOUGH.
I-- I TOO AM CHASING A MAN
DRESSED AS A SCARECROW.
HE SCARED THE BEJEEZUS
OUT OF MY LITTLE ONES.
WE DON'T NEED THIS KIND
OF CRAP AROUND HERE.
>> WHAT THE HELL?
>> I'LL GET YOU,
YOU SON OF A BITCH!
>> WE GOTTA GO HELP.
>> WELL, HOLD ON NOW.
WE SHOULD STICK TOGETHER.
YOU KNOW, FOR SAFETY IN NUMBERS
AND EVERYTHING.
>> WHAT, ARE YOU SCARED TOO?
IT'S JUST A GUY IN A COSTUME,
RIGHT?
>> OH LORD, I HOPE SO.
>> THIS WHOLE SCARECROW THING
IS JUST LEGEND, RIGHT?
>> WELL, I DUNNO, IT'S--
YEAH, IT'S--
IT'S PROBABLY JUST A--
A MAN IN A MASK OR SOMETHIN'.
>> WHY DIDN'T HE
ANSWER MY QUESTION?
>> COME ON, LET'S GO!
>> COME ON.
>> SHERIFF'S OFFICE.
WHAT?
A SCARECROW?
I'VE HEARD THIS.
IS THIS-- IS THIS A JOKE?
HOLD, PLEASE.
SHERIFF'S OFFICE.
YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME.
OKAY, OKAY.
HOLD, PLEASE.
SHERIFF'S OFFICE.
SERIOUSLY?!
OKAY, HOLD, PLEASE.
SHERIFF'S OFFICE.
WHERE?
WITH WHO?
YOUR GIRLFRIEND, DOING WHAT?
WITH A SCARECROW?
OKAY, HOLD, PLEASE.
SHERIFF'S OFFICE.
HA, HA, HA, HA, FUNNY!
FUNNY, I GET-- OKAY.
BYE.
>> I DUNNO WHAT THE HELL
THOSE GUYS ARE UP TO.
>> I HOPE WE NEVER
SEE THEM AGAIN.
OH MY GOD, JOE!
THERE HE IS!
>> WHAT THE HELL?
>> AHH!
>> HEY, 'SCUSE ME, PARTNER.
>> YOU SON OF A BITCH!
I'M GONNA WHOOP YOUR ASS!
>> WHOA-WHOA-WHOA-WHOA!
> JOE, GET BACK HERE!
JOE!
I'M SCARED!
>> VIRG, OL' BOY,
I GET THE DISTINCT IMPRESSION
YOU WERE BEHIND THIS SOMEHOWS.
>> GET THAT SUMBITCH!
>> AW, HELL.
>> YEAH, THERE HE IS!
>> ALL RIGHT, WYATT,
WHAT YOU THINK, MAN?
SHOULD WE GO THAT WAY,
OR THAT WAY?
LET ME GUESS...
"MMRGH!"
YEP, ALL RIGHT.
COME ON.
>> WATCH IT, YOU ASSHOLE!
>> HOLY CRAP, THAT WAS CLOSE!
YOU OKAY, BUDDY?
OW, OKAY!
OKAY MAN, BAD IDEA.
GAME OVER, RIGHT?
LET'S-- LET'S JUST
GO BACK TO JOSEPHINE'S.
MAYBE WE CAN GET LAST CALL,
RIGHT?
KINDA FIGURED YOU'D
SAY THAT, OL' BOY.
COME ON, MAN.
>> SHERIFF, THERE'S A MOB
CONGREGATING-- OH, SHIT.
>> OH, HEY BURT.
HOW YOU DOIN'?
>> I'M DOIN' VERY WELL.
HOW ARE YOU TODAY?
>> I'M-- I'M GREAT.
HOW CAN I HELP YA?
>> IS THE SHERIFF AROUND?
>> I'M ACTING SHERIFF TONIGHT.
>> WELL, THAT'S MIGHTY CUTE
OF YOU, BUT WE'RE GONNA NEED
THE SHERIFF ON THIS ONE.
THERE'S A MOB GATHERING JUST
OUTSIDE OF THIS BUILDING.
IT'S, LIKE, A LARGE
GROUP OF PEOPLE.
>> OKAY, WELL, THE SHERIFF
ISN'T HERE RIGHT NOW.
I CAN HELP.
>> WELL, I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY
HOW TO EXPLAIN IT, BUT THERE IS
A-- THERE IS A, UH--
>> LET ME GUESS, A SCARECROW.
>> WELL, YES.
IT'S EITHER THAT, OR AN
AMBULATORY SACK OF HAY
MADE BY A WIZARD.
NOW WOULD YOU GO
GET YOUR BELT ON?
YOU'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO DO.
>> ALL RIGHT,
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
>> ALL RIGHT.
GO CALL YOUR MOM,
TELL HER YOU MIGHT BE LATE.
AH, YESSS!
ALL RIGHT.
>> HOW YOU DOIN' TODAY?
SHERIFF.
I'M THE DEPUTY SHERIFF.
SHERIFF DEPUTY MORGAN...
SPEAKING.
IS THERE A PROBLEM?
NO THAT'S NOT...
IS THERE A PROBLEM?
TOO AGGRESSIVE.
IS THERE A WAY
WE CAN RESOLVE THIS?
THERE'S TWO WAYS THAT
WE COULD FIGURE THIS OUT.
UH, A FRIENDLY MEETING,
SOMEWHERE WITH FOOD,
OR, UH--
YOU GO TO JAIL.
>> WHOLE DAMN TOWN'S
IN AN UPROAR.
VIRGIL, THIS IS
A DUMB ASS SHITTIN' IDEA.
YOU'RE STUPID EVEN
FOR INBRED STANDARDS.
DAMN, UGH!
SCREW IT,
I'M GONNA GET ME A BEER.
>> NOW WE GOT TO ALL CALM DOWN,
AND NOT BE STUPID.
OR MORE STUPID.
>> HE'S A DAMN MENACE, SHERIFF!
>> I UNDERSTAND, I UNDERSTAND.
DOES ANYBODY HAVE ANY IDEA
WHO COULD BE BEHIND THIS?
>> I THINK IT WAS A COUPLE
OF GUYS WE SAW DOWN
AT THE TAVERN EARLIER.
>> SHERIFF, WHAT ARE
YOU DOIN' HERE?
I GOT THIS UNDER CONTROL.
>> YEAH, I KNOW YOU DO.
THAT SUMBITCH SCARED MY KIDS.
>> SHERIFF?
YOU MIGHTA LED WITH THAT ONE.
>> YEAH, I'M SORRY.
IT'S-- YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN
WORRIED ABOUT MY FAMILY, IS ALL.
>> IT'S ALL RIGHT.
LET'S JUST FIND THIS GUY--
GUY, SCARECROW, WHATEVER IT IS.
>> SAW HIM BY
THE OLD TANNER FARM.
LET'S GET HIM!
>> NOW, HOLD ON!
AH, DAMN.
I BETTER GO WITH THEM.
>> WELL, HOLD UP.
I'LL GO WITH THEM.
YOU TAKE THESE LADIES OVER TO
THE TAVERN, AND SEE IF
JOSEPHINE KNOWS ANYTHING.
>> WHAT?
IT'S MORE FUN THAN CAMPING.
>> I DON'T THINK OUR IDEAS
OF FUN REALLY MATCH UP.
>> WOO, HOLY COW, MAN!
SURE IS ITCH AND STUFFY IN HERE.
UGH, TAKE THIS THING OFF.
OOH.
THANKS FOR THE BEERS, JO.
>> YOU WERE LUCKY YOU DIDN'T
DO ANYTHING FOOLISH.
MORE FOOLISH.
>> OKAY, OKAY,
IT WAS A BAD IDEA.
BUT NOW WE'RE JUST GONNA SIT
HERE AND DRINK OUR BEERS,
RIGHT, BUDDY?
WHAT THE HELL, MAN?
GAME OVER, DUDE!
FACADE THROUGH, YOU CAN
GET OUT OF CHARACTER NOW.
WYATT, COME ON.
LET ME HELP YOU WITH THAT.
>> UH, VIRG, UM--
>> OH, HEY, VIRGIL.
ARE YOU ENJOYING YOUR LIBATION?
WHILE I'VE BEEN OUT--
WHO'S THAT?
>> WYATT?
MAN, BUT IF YOU'RE YOU,
THEN WHO THE HELL IS--
SHIT.
HI.
HOLY CRAP!
>> GET UP, GET UP!
>> WHAT THE HELL
WAS THAT, WYATT?
>> IT'S A DAMN REAL SCARECROW!
>> YOU SAID HE WASN'T REAL, MAN!
>> OH, YOU WANNA GO TELL IT
IT AIN'T REAL?
>> WYATT, WHAT ABOUT DOC
AND JOSEPHINE, MAN?
>> DID THAT GET HIM?
>> NOPE.
>> MAKE HIM MAD?
>> YUP.
WHATEVER YOU'RE GONNA DO,
YOU'D BETTER DO IT QUICK!
>> I CAN'T BEAT IT,
NOT ANYMORE, ANYWAY.
BUT I CAN CAST IT OUT.
>> I DON'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS,
JUST GET RID OF IT!
>> BACK!
BACK, FOUL BEAST!
BACK TO THE HELL
FROM WHENCE THOU CAME!
NOW GIT!
>> GET OVER HERE!
COME ON!
>> I'M SCARED, WYATT!
>> DISCRETION, VIRG,
IS THE BETTER PART OF VALOR.
>> WELL, WELL, WELL,
LOOK WHO WE GOT HERE.
WHAT DO YOU TWO ASSHOLES THINK
YOU'RE DOING, SCARING PEOPLE
LIKE THAT?
>> YOU OUGHT TO BE
ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES.
>> NOW, NOW, NOW,
THIS AIN'T WHAT IT SEEMS.
>> MMM, LOOKS EXACTLY
LIKE IT SEEMS.
>> WELL, BE THAT AS IT MAY, AND
MY VERBOSE NATURE TO ARGUE
AGAINST WHAT IT MAY OR MAY NOT
LOOK LIKE, I MUST INSIST THAT--
>> WYATT!
HE'S COMIN' MAN!
>> SCARECROW.
>> WHAT THE HELL IS THAT, BECCA?
>> I DUNNO, KELLY.
>> SCARECROW.
>> I CAN SEE THAT.
>> NO, THE SCARECROW.
THE ONE FROM THE STORY.
IT HAS RETURNED.
LOOKS LIKE HE'S AFTER
YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS.
YOU MUST HAVE DONE SOMETHING
TO MAKE HIM MAD.
>> FUCK THIS SHIT.
IT'S JUST ANOTHER IDIOT
IN A MASK.
LET'S GET HIM.
>> I GOT THIS.
>> GET HIM, SHERIFF.
>> NOW LISTEN, AS ACTING DEPUTY
SHERIFF, I'M GONNA GIVE YOU
TWO CHOICES HERE: THE EASY WAY,
OR THE HARD WAY.
>> LET'S GET HIM!
>> ALL RIGHT, YOU FREAK, I'M
GONNA BEAT THE STRAW OUTTA YOU!
>> WELL, SHE CERTAINLY IS
A SPIRITED ONE, HUH, WYATT?
>> THAT SHE IS, VIRG.
THAT SHE IS.
>> YOU KNOW, I CAN'T HELP BUT
THINK IT'S OUR DUTY AS FELLOW
HUMAN BEINGS TO MAYBE STEP IN
THERE AND THROW SOME SUPPORT.
>> NOT 'CAUSE THEY'RE LADIES?
WE COULD USE OUR MANLY SWAGGER
TO SAVE THE DAY?
>> NO, WYATT.
THAT WOULD JUST BE SEXIST.
BUT I DO THINK IT'S
THE PROPER THING TO DO.
HOW ABOUT YOU?
>> AGREED.
>> OKAY.
>> THIS AIN'T GOIN'
SO WELL, MAN.
>> I'M OPEN TO SUGGESTIONS.
>> YOU CAN'T BEAT IT!
NONE OF YOU CAN!
JUST RUN!
RUN!
>> I'M SICK OF THIS SHIT.
>> WELL, I'LL BE.
>> TOLD YOU WE'D BE BACK.
>> INDEED YOU DID.
I WILL, OF COURSE, HAVE TO
PROPERLY DISPOSE OF ALL THIS.
>> FOR GOOD THIS TIME, I HOPE.
>> YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ABLE
TO HAVE DONE THIS.
>> WHY NOT?
>> WELL...
>> ONLY A CERTAIN TYPE OF PURITY
CAN BANISH THE EVIL.
>> WHAT-- WHAT ARE THEY TALKIN'
ABOUT, WYATT?
>> WELL, IF I'M READIN' THIS
RIGHT, AND I LIKE TO THINK THAT
I AM, UH, WHAT JOSEPHINE IS
SAYING IS THAT THIS LADY AIN'T
NEVER, UH-- SHE AIN'T
NEVER BEEN WITH ANYONE.
>> UH, WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
BEEN WITH ANYONE?
>> NO, NO, SHE AIN'T, UH--
KNOWN ANYONE.
>> UH...
>> UH, VIRG,
IN THE BIBLICAL SENSE.
>> BEC!
>> SHUT UP, KELLY.
YOU HELPED.
>> NOW LADIES, THIS IS NOTHING
TO BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT.
>> WELL, MAYBE A LITTLE BIT.
>> YOU DID SAVE THE DAY.
>> MAY I PROPOSE SOMETHIN'?
UH, AFTER THE DAY WE HAVE ALL
HAD, AND THE EVENTS THAT
WE WOULD LIKELY LOVE TO FORGET,
I RECOMMEND THAT WE REPAIR INTO
THE LOVELY ESTABLISHMENT IN
FRONT OF US, WHERE WE PARTAKE IN
SOME CAROUSES AND SPIRITS
OF THE BARREL-AGED TYPE.
>> UH, WYATT, I THINK WE DONE
HAD ENOUGH SPIRITS
FOR ONE DAY, MAN.
>> HE MEANS SHOTS AND BEERS.
>> OH.
>> WHY NOT?
COME ON.
>> THAT'S CELEBRATIN'.
>> HOW YOU FEEL?
>> COLD.
THERE'S A LOT OF...
DARK CHOCOLATE THINGS THAT COULD
WARM YOU UP RIGHT NOW.
>> LIKE FUDGE?
>> YUP.
OR COFFEE.
OR HOT COCOA.
OR-- THERE'S OTHER SHIT.
>> I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU.
>> YEAH?
LIKE WHAT?
>> IT'S REALLY COOL.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
IT'S REALLY, REALLY COLD!
I BROUGHT IT ALL THE WAY
FROM HOME.
>> I'M LOOKIN' FORWARD TO IT.
>> YOU KNOW, MY GRANDMA REALLY
HAS A SECRET S'MORE RECIPE.
>> YEAH, WHAT'S SHE HAVE?
CHOCOLATE?
>> NO, IT'S A SPECIAL SAUCE.
>> YEAH?
>> LIKE, A SPECIAL SPICE.
>> WHO THE FUCK PUTS SPICE
IN A S'MORE?
>> EVERYONE NEEDS A LITTLE SPICE
IN THEIR LIFE.
HILDEGARD WANTS TO PLAY.
>> NOTICE I'M WEARING GLASSES,
AND I'M FAIRLY ATTRACTIVE.
I DIDN'T DIE IN THIS MOVIE,
SO I'M DEFINITELY ABOUT
TO FUCKIN' SCORE.
AS I WAS GOIN' OVER
THE DARK AND SCARY MOUNTAINS
I SAW AN APPARITION
HIS SOULS A' HE WAS COUNTIN'
AT FIRST I WAS FRIGHTENED
AND THEN I STARTED WONDERIN'
I WATCHED AND WITNESSED
AS THE SCARECROW
HE CAME LUMBERIN'
MRRGH RUM DUM A DO DIM A DUM
WATCH FOR THE SCARECROW
THERE'S WHISKEY AT THE BAR
HE STOOD UP AND HE ROARED
I WEPT AND THEN I FLED
FOR NEVER HAD I FELT
THE TERROR OF SUCH A MONSTER
I RAN DOWN TO THE PUB
BUT NO ONE WOULD BELIEVE ME
THE DEVIL WAS IN THAT SCARECROW
AND HE FOUND ME EASY
MRRGH RUM DUM A DO DIM A DUM
WATCH FOR THE SCARECROW
THERE'S WHISKEY AT THE BAR
BEING DRUNK AND WEARY
I FLED INTO THE NIGHT
I TOOK THE WHISKEY WITH ME
AND I NEVER KNEW THE DANGER
A FEW SIPS MAYBE TEN
AND AFTER ME THE SCARECROW
I SLIPPED AND DROPPED MY BOTTLE
AND THAT MONSTER HE PURSUED ME
MRRGH RUM DUM A DO DIM A DUM
WATCH FOR THE SCARECROW
THERE'S WHISKEY AT THE BAR
NOW RUNNIN' FOR MY LIFE
HIS ROARS A WAYS BEHIND ME
I FOUND ANOTHER PUB
AND I HID AMONGST THE BARRELS
I DRANK MYSELF QUITE HEAVY
BLOCKIN' OUT THE ROARS
BUT NE'ER WILL I FORGET
THE DANGERS OF THAT SCARECROW
MRRGH RUM DUM A DO DIM A DUM
WATCH FOR THE SCARECROW
THERE'S WHISKEY AT THE BAR
>> BEHAVE, OR I'LL MAIL
YOUR PARTS ACROSS THE GLOBE.
>> DID YOU GET
ALL THE PARTS, JO?
>> YEAH, I GOT ALL THE PARTS.
WE DON'T NEED A MILLION OF
THOSE THINGS RUNNIN' AROUND.
>> SURE AM GLAD THE GIRLS WERE
ABLE TO STOP IT THIS TIME.
>> YEAH, BECAUSE IT WAS WEAK.
WHY DO YOU SUPPOSE THAT IS?
>> THIS PLACE ISN'T STRONG
ENOUGH TO CONTAIN THE EVIL.
RESTLESS.
>> WE WON'T BE ABLE
TO STOP IT NEXT TIME.
>> WELL, WE'LL JUST HAVE TO
DO THE BEST WE CAN.
>> OKAY.