# Mas que nada #
# We came to make it hotter #
# We beat the party starters #
# Bubblin' up just like lava #
# Like lava, heat it like a sauna #
# Penetrate into your body armor #
# Rhythmically we massage ya #
# With hip-hop mixed up with samba #
# With samba So yes, yes, y'all #
# Yes, y'all, y'all #
# You know we never stop, we never rest, y'all #
# Rest, y'all, y'all #
# We can keep it funky fresh, y'all #
# Fresh, y'all, y'all #
# And we won't stop until we get ya #
# Till we get y'all sayin' #
# Yo, Peter Piper picked peppers #
# But Tab rocked ryhmes #
- # On one two, three, four, several times # - Oh, Miss. Miss.
We have a lot of vegetarians...
so I wanna make sure every tray has a vegetarian item...
and a non-vegetarian item. Got it?
And they can't touch. Okay?
And if you run out of either, go back and refill.
Don't just circulate with one. Got it?
And if you get the feeling one is running out faster...
than the other, then just load the trays...
according to that ratio.
You got it?
Okay, what else?
- Hey! - Um... Ooh!
It's your wedding day. Relax.
Hey.
I find a little stress goes a long way.
If I worry now, then I can relax during the ceremony.
You're not gonna relax during the ceremony.
You're right.
You should, though.
It's gonna be perfect.
It's really coming together, isn't it?
You know, I think we should probab...
What in the heck?
Well, hello, little lady.
What can I do for you?
What the hell is this?
Why, it's the angel...
just like your ordered.
No, but she doesn't have wings.
Yeah. So?
So angels have wings.
This is just a lady.
No. No, no, no. It's... It's an angel.
See, beautiful, all-knowing smile...
eyes that have seen a thousand eternities... angel.
Chloe, do angels have wings?
Sometimes?
Always!
That's the difference between a person and an angel: Wings.
Why do angels have to have wings?
So they can fly.
No, but angels are magical.
They don't need wings to fly.
What, does God have wings?
Okay, I'm not gonna stand here and debate theology with you.
So just take it back and bring me one with wings.
All right, no. Whoa, whoa, whoa, little miss.
This is a ice sculpture.
I sculpted it out of ice, then it melts...
and I don't have a lot of them just lyin' around.
So sculpt some wings and stick them on. I don't care.
This isn't what I ordered, and I'm not accepting it.
- Yeah. But l... - Tut-tut-tut, take it back.
I made an angel.
Oh, yoo-hoo.
Oh, not done with you.
Not so fast.
Um, did you get the appetizers down?
Do I need to go through it again?
No.
Are you nodding to signal yes, or is your neck broken?
Oh, yes, appetizers. Yes.
Dinner.
I want this on a schedule.
So I want you to get the salads down...
even if the people aren't... My gardenias!
Your what?
- Stop! You're gonna run over... - Doesn't seem to be a reason...
- my gardenias! - Why we didn't do that.
You idiot! Stop your truck!
I'm just doing what I'm supposed to be doing. L...
- Stop the truck! - Huh?
Stop!
- What are you talkin' about? - Stop the truck!
- Stop! - Oh!
Huh?
Who the hell are you?
Kate, I know this must be...
That idiot with the truck!
I'm gonna kill him.
I'm gonna sue him, and then I'm gonna kill him!
What time is it?
That's not really important right now.
Don't tell me what's important.
I'm getting married today.
No, you're not.
How long have I been unconscious?
- What kind of hospital is this? - Will you please stop...
interrupting and just listen.
Look, my insurance pays your salary...
so if I want some information, just do me the courtesy...
Will you shut up? You're dead!
Is that some kind of sick joke?
Look around you. There are no walls.
Hello? Where do you think you are?
Okay, you were crushed to death.
I'm sorry. I lost my cool.
I don't usually do that.
I'm dead?
I'm sorry.
Now, we don't have much time.
- Is this heaven? - Not exactly.
- Hell? - No. Just listen, please.
There are some important things for you to know.
Well, who are you?
I'm an angel.
Who put you up to this?
Put me up to what?
For the last damn time, angels have wings.
Wings!
Oh, my God, you're disappearing.
That's not good. I'm sorry.
You were saying something about important information?
Wait! Don't go!
Hello?
Hello?!
Crap!
It's coming in clearer now.
Definitely, coming in clearer.
A boat.
He left the money on your boat.
We didn't have a boat.
No boat?
Hold on.
I'm getting something.
- You're sure you didn't have a boat? - No boat.
Maybe he had a boat that you didn't know about.
He was afraid of the water.
A boot?
Probably not?
Let me see if something else comes in.
Do you hear that, too?
Yeah, I do.
Is it from beyond? Is that a message?
No. I think it's my smoke alarm.
Can you excuse me a second, Mary?
Oh, God! Oh, no!
Oh, no!
What, what, what?
- What is it? - Uh, no, everything's fine.
No, no, no. It's under control.
- It's just a little, uh... - What is that?
Just a little smoky, that's all.
- Oh, God. Move. - It's the thing in that silver pan that burned.
The osso bucco.
I-I-I don't know. Does the name matter?
It's on fire.
God, Dan, you're like the worst cook ever.
- Sorry. Sorry. - Get the crab
What are you... Can you...
I'm just... It's smoking.
Can you... Well, how's the crab dip going?
Crab dip is going great. Oh, no, no.
The crab dip is going spectacularly well.
That's the thing in the little red bowl, right?
- Yes. Can you just chop something, please? - Chopping, chopping.
Oh, God, Dan.
You know, as much as I love you hovering around...
and watching me while I work, how's the reading going?
- Oh, the reading. The reading. - Okay.
I'm back.
Listen, I gotta run.
Oh, really?
Sorry about that, Mary.
- I just... - Oh, no. You did good.
- Really? - Absolutely.
Maybe we have a boat I forgot about.
- Yeah. I mean, you know... - Yeah.
And remember, no...
- driving on Mondays. - Driving on Mondays.
Right? Be careful.
Bye.
Okay, Dan.
Why aren't you chopping?
Hmm? Oh, small cut.
- What? - It's fine. It's tiny. It's all good.
- Really? - Yeah. And most of the blood...
went into the tomato sauce, so who's gonna know?
Dan, look, I'm sorry for leaving you alone.
It's so unfair.
You have my complete, undivided attention now, okay?
Stir the bearnaise sauce before it separates, all right?
You got it. Oh, bearnaise...
No, actually, I know what that one is.
- Good. - Yeah, we're good. We're good.
Damn it.
- Hi. - Hi.
I'm Chloe. I'm a friend of Beth's.
She gave me your address and told me to stop by.
- Yeah. Hi. - Hi. How are you?
Beth. God, how is she?
Ah, you know, still with the drummer.
You are kidding me. That guy is a mess.
I thought they totally broke up.
Which time? I think, it's been like five times already.
Do you know that girl Colleen, who he used to date?
- Do you know Colleen? - Yeah.
- Have we met before? - You look really familiar.
That's so weird, 'cause when you opened the door...
- I was like, "I think I know that girl." - Yeah.
That's so funny.
Oh, man.
Uh... sorry.
This is my brother, Henry.
Hi.
He needs your help.
I don't know about that.
You promised.
Well, come on in.
Wow. God, Beth.
Haven't heard her name...
long time.
Um, how can I help you?
I don't know if you can.
Henry's fiancee passed away about a year ago...
on their wedding day.
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
Thank you.
I hope you don't mind me asking, but how, um...
How did it happen?
She was crushed by an angel...
and as sad as I am, I do appreciate the irony.
And, well, he's just...
He's not moving on.
I don't think that's so unusual.
You've changed.
You don't smile.
You don't leave your apartment.
I like my apartment.
Nobody hassles me if I don't smile there.
He's not letting go, and I was just thinking...
that maybe if he communicated with his fiancee, Kate...
that, um, maybe she would, you know...
convince him that it's okay for him to move on in his life.
Is that what you want?
That's what she wants.
And once she gets an idea in her head...
it's best to just...
I'm here, so, you know.
Okay. All right.
Well, let's give it a shot.
Um, how do you get into all of this?
Oh, what? You mean, like being a psychic?
Yeah.
Why? You think it's crap?
No. I keep an open mind.
I mean, there are plenty of things people can't explain.
You can be honest.
Not crap, just unproven...
after hundreds of years and thousands of studies.
But you're keeping an open mind.
Isn't it obvious?
Well, what do you do for a living?
- I'm a vet. - So a man of science?
I suppose I am.
Do you believe in heaven?
Jury's out.
Wow.
See, that's just... That's depressing to me.
I mean, what a sad and hopeless world it would be...
if that was the case.
I really believe that the people we love never really leave us.
You know, they're... They're always watchin' over us.
And then, sometimes, if we're lucky...
we get to talk to them.
So have you had a lot of luck with this?
Sometimes yes, sometimes no.
I know that's not very scientific...
but when it works...
it really does make people happy.
You wanna give it a go?
Okay. Give me your hands.
Does this cost extra?
Do you always use humor to cope with uncomfortable situations?
That reminds of this time two rabbis walked into a bar.
All right. Come on, give me your hands.
Now, just think about the person you're trying to contact.
I am getting something, um, but it's...
But it's a man.
He's in a, like, a blue suit or, um, like a uniform.
My father wore blue suits.
He was a lawyer.
Are you trying to contact him?
No. He's still alive.
- Retired. - Oh.
At least, I think he's still alive.
I haven't spoken with him since last night.
Maybe something happened this morning.
All right. Look, I get it.
You don't believe in this stuff, and you probably think...
I'm some loon who's just wasting your time.
But you know what? You're here, so why not?
All I'm asking for is five minutes for you to humor me.
You're right. I'm sorry.
Okay.
Just relax. Give it a go.
Okay. Just think about Kate.
Picture her in your mind: The way she made you feel...
the way she looked.
Think about Kate.
- Oh, God. - That didn't sound good.
My assistant. Probably just shish-kebabbed his tongue.
Oh, God!
Whoa! Oh!
Holy shit!
Um, you know, I-I should get going.
- Really? - Yeah.
- I wanna check on my dad. - Oh.
What do I owe you?
Oh, nothing. Nothing.
Oh, no. But l... I mean...
No, no, no. I-I didn't...
I didn't get anything, so...
Yeah, but you tried.
If someone's pet dies on the operating table...
you don't charge them, right? I mean...
No. No, that... That would make me a dick.
Right. It's a good thing you don't.
Right. Yes, okay.
If I ever need any catering, I'll know where to come.
I work cheap, so...
I can see you why you have two jobs.
- Yeah. - Nice meeting you, Ashley.
Oh. Nice to meet you.
Say, "Pretty. Pretty bird."
Come on, say it.
You know, I gave you a key in case of emergencies.
I think you and I just have...
a different definition of "emergency."
So, how'd it go with Ashley?
Oh, that. Much to my surprise, it was futile.
You didn't try.
I totally tried.
I chanted, you know, I played with an eagle feather...
listened to some Tori Amos.
And nothing?
I mean, she's really nice, but, I mean...
the whole thing was kind of a joke.
Well, does she want you to come back?
Chloe, enough, all right?
Right. You know what?
I'm never gonna help you again.
Is that a promise?
Well, unless it's an emergency.
Hey, you never told me how it went on Friday.
Oh, what, with the stockbroker?
What is it about telling a guy that you're a psychic...
that makes him think that you'll sleep with him...
on the first date?
Well, maybe they think that, because you're a psychic...
you already know that's all they're after...
so they might as well just go for it.
That is so your gay prejudice towards straight men talking.
No, no, it's all men.
Gay, straight, we're a real goal-oriented gender...
when it comes to sex.
Dan, I think they're a little more complicated than that.
No, we're not.
How's my ass look in this?
I don't know. Can you get a little closer?
I still have some peripheral vision left.
# Hey now now, we're goin' down down #
# And we ride the bus there #
# Pay the bus fare #
# Or we find a new reason #
# A new way of livin' #
# And we shout it out, and try to... #
Good God, what the hell is that?
Oh, Dr. Mills, you know this is Beatrice.
Lona, there are other ways you can show your love...
for Beatrice besides giving her food.
Take her for a walk, throw her a Frisbee.
She's gained a little weight, I know.
I've driven cars smaller than her.
She looks like a tick.
The prettiest tick you've ever seen.
Well, let me grab a couple of Sherpas.
They can help me hoist her on the table.
Hey, guys, Beatrice is here.
Aw! I call head.
No, I'm not taking the ass two times in a row.
- Shoot you for it. - And you...
quit messin' with whatever you're messing with.
I'm not messing with anything.
I make such a cute doctor.
I should've stayed in college.
These aren't toys.
Oh, hey, just curious...
do animal tranquilizers work on people?
How'd you get those out of my cabinet?
Here we go.
Is that it, or can I go back to, uh...
Go ahead.
Oh, hello, the reason why I came here.
Um, I've got somebody I want you to meet.
- Now hoist. - Oh, God.
Her name is Janet.
- Okay. - Janet.
I can already tell I won't like her.
She sounds like somebody with a dream catcher.
So, what, are you never gonna date again?
I'll date when the right person comes along.
Okay, well, what if I told you...
she's an eighteen-year-old, hot masseuse...
with huge natural breasts, who loves to gourmet cook...
watch sports, perform oral sex...
and when she's not doing any of that, she saves whales.
I guess we could have lunch.
Okay.
What if she doesn't do any of those things?
Goodbye, Chloe.
Tell me when you wanna start dating again, okay?
Two years, five years, what?
I had the person I was gonna spend my life with...
and I lost her.
So you're just gonna spend the rest of your life alone?
No, I've got you. I've got my work.
I'm sure you're gonna get married...
and have kids or adopt a slew of Nigerian children...
and I'm gonna get to be Uncle Henry.
Um...
- Man down! - There's a man down.
All right, I've got to get...
Why would you even want these?
They're just cool.
They're so big.
I can't move my legs.
Oh!
I'm so sorry to bother you.
I was wondering if you would maybe try again with Henry.
I mean, he really liked you...
and if he's ever gonna believe...
that anyone is talking to Kate, then I think it's gonna be you.
Yeah, I mean, I think that's a great idea.
I just... I don't know if he'll go for it.
I don't think he would come to you...
but if you would go to him...
and you could prove that you heard from Kate...
But I didn't.
- You could fake it. - Oh, no, no, no.
I can't do that...
'cause I'm not like a, you know, scam artist.
This is Kate's diary. I, um...
I went into Henry's apartment when he wasn't there...
you know, looking for letters or anything...
that would have information...
that only the two of them would know, and, I mean...
Henry doesn't even know this exists.
Right. I just... I really...
Look, I know that you've heard the story before...
but would you really think about it?
Do you really think that Henry's better off sitting alone...
in his apartment for the rest of his life?
Do you really think that Kate's ghost...
doesn't want him to date again?
I'm just asking you to tell one little lie...
to salvage someone's life.
Is that so impossible?
Hey. Ashley, right?
- Yeah. - Henry.
Henry. Hi.
- How are you? - Yeah, good, good.
You shop here?
Yeah, they, uh... They have really great tomatoes here...
so I just... Oh, I see. Okay.
Uh, tomatoes are vegetables that you buy fresh...
and then you cook them in food.
I've heard about these, yeah.
I always wondered what was on this side of the store.
- So colorful. - Yeah.
How's business?
Oh, you know, sucks.
- So it's looking up. - Look up, right.
Well, you know, I'll let you go...
but, uh, if you're ever in the area...
you should stop by, and I'll cook you a...
I'll cook you a real meal.
All right. Well, maybe I'll do that.
- Okay. - Nice seeing you.
Nice seeing you.
It was raining.
It was raining when you met her...
the woman you were trying to contact.
It was nighttime, and it was raining.
You tried to steal her cab?
Yeah.
And you two... You two got into a fight...
but you rode with her all the way home...
even though you lived in totally opposite directions.
That's exactly what happened.
And she stiffed me.
I wound up paying eighty bucks for that cab ride.
Do you wanna go somewhere else, so we can talk?
Yeah, it's...
Yeah.
So I noticed you didn't have any animals in your apartment.
Oh, well, my building doesn't allow pets...
but I always grew up with cats.
Oh.
When I get a new a place, I think I might...
Wait. Why'd you go, "Oh"?
"Oh, you had cats. That's nice."
No, that was more like, "Ah, you had cats. Figures."
I'm a vet. I love cats.
Right. And the women who have them?
They're insane, across the board.
You know, they wear, like, sweatshirts...
- with their cat on them. - Oh.
You know, "Hang in there."
Hey, look, let me ask you, when...
In the market, were you, like...
Were you hearing someone?
Um, yeah, I mean, I think... I think so.
I think it was Kate.
Seems a little hard to believe.
I know, but do you wanna try again?
What do you got to lose?
All right.
Let me just get your hand, like... Okay.
This restaurant reminds her of something.
New York. It was snowing.
We went... We went there for Christmas.
You refused to admit that you didn't speak French...
so you ordered the pancreas?
And then, later, after you threw up all...
Hello. No, yeah.
No, no, no, I'm just eating right now.
You're not interrupting anything.
Are you serious?
Just so you know, that wasn't me.
- That was J.W. I swear. - Wow.
What else? Are you getting anything else?
- Okay, listen, we'll come over tonight... - Yeah, I'm just, I gotta...
I gotta get back into it.
- Okay? - And we can meet afterwards.
Great.
Look, bro, when I see four girls in matching bowling shirts...
that's how I roll, man.
It's totally true.
Sorry, I'm, like, totally thrown...
No, it was great.
- With the cell phone guy, um... - I don't know where to begin.
- We should just try another time. - We started out with a donkey.
Yeah, I have to get going anyway.
What are the odds there was...
- two chicks named Darla? - Oh. When'd you give her your card?
That's all right. You got your tricks, I've got mine.
- Wow. - Seriously?
Yeah, but you don't really have to be tricky...
if you wanna pay for lunch, because I won't fight ya.
Yup. Cat person.
I thought it was the one without her.
Thank you.
I was actually really nervous at first...
but then it was so easy.
I almost wanted it to be harder...
so I wouldn't feel bad about the situation.
- What? - Ashley.
- No. - Look in my eyes.
- No. - It's time for a reality check.
I don't want a reality check.
You don't want one, because you know you need one.
Tell me you are done with this.
I'm done...
right after this next meeting.
Why are you doing all this?
I'm... I'm helping someone.
Is he cute?
I don't see what that has to do with anything.
Stay with me here.
You, ahem... You hate doing this.
Yeah, it goes against everything I believe.
All right, but instead of just doing it
and getting it over with, you're stretching it out.
Well, he's very skeptical.
I can't just blurt it out, or else he'd never believe me.
Today, you had lunch. Tomorrow, who knows, dinner?
Maybe you'll go to a movie...
channel his fiancee there.
- So off base. - What does he do?
- Veterinarian. - A doctor.
If you weren't gay, I'd think you're jealous.
If you weren't blushing...
I'd think you were telling the truth.
So you like David Foster Wallace, huh?
I couldn't get past page 20.
I keep it there because it makes me look smart.
Oh. Huh.
Oh, God, is he, like, a friend of yours or something?
You got me a gift?
Well, you won't charge me, and I'm taking up your time...
so, you know, I had to do something.
David Foster Wallace!
I love him.
I saw the book last time, so I figured you were a fan.
I am. I am.
I can't wait to not read this.
Yeah, they're short stories...
so you could read the first paragraph...
of each one and then just quit.
That's... That's great.
No, this is, um... This was really sweet of you.
Thank you.
Should we get started?
- Yeah. - Okay.
Oh, before we start, I've been doing a little research.
Okay.
Some of the things you've said are pretty unbelievable...
and I think I know how you're doing it.
Really?
Normally, in these readings...
the person that's getting read gives out unconscious signals.
Like you could suggest something...
and then I'll shake my head no or nod...
and I don't even realize it, but you pick up on it...
and then you get closer and closer...
until you actually get something.
All right, well, that makes sense.
How do you... How do you wanna deal with that?
Well, I'm gonna concentrate really hard...
on not giving you anything.
I mean, keep my body very still...
not change my voice. Nothin'.
Okay. Sounds good.
Uh, let's start.
Okay.
You're gonna talk like that the whole time?
Yes.
You know what?
I'm still picking up a slight bit of emotion from you...
so what I think we should do...
is turn our chairs back to back so I can't see you at all.
- Okay. - Okay?
- Better? - Yes.
You know what?
To be safe, I think we should be in separate rooms.
Oh, but then I'm gonna have to shout.
Yeah, all right. Now you're just messing with me, right?
Yes.
That's pretty stupid, huh?
Yes.
You wanna go get something to eat?
Yes.
So, you bring all your psychics here?
Well, you really should know the answer to that.
But this is a cool place that you picked...
I'll give you that.
Kate showed it to me.
You know, I'm getting the feeling...
like she wants you to be happy again...
like when you used to come here.
I'm getting that feeling, too.
You are so screwed.
- What? - I didn't say anything.
Oh. Right.
Traitors.
Lying, cheating, red-headed hussy.
I'll wring her neck.
Throw her in front of a car, throw her down some stairs.
# She had blonde hair, blue eyes, too #
# And she had a little itty-bitty #
# Hootchie-cootchie-coo #
You. You bastard.
Whoa. Hey, evening, Miss.
You can hear me?
Unfortunately.
Are you psychic?
No, dead.
Good. What happened?
Drunk driving accident.
Oh, so backing over me with your truck wasn't enough...
to get you to stop drinking and driving?
I'm not proud.
What are you doing here?
Same as you.
Takin' care of unfinished business.
Are you sure that's why you're here?
That's what the lady told me.
- The lady in the white room? - 'Course.
Why, what'd she tell you?
None of your business.
Did she give you any hints?
How... How specific was she?
Ah, you didn't talk to her, did you?
What'd you do, piss her off?
Unfinished business.
Well, that's it.
I got to protect Henry.
Yeah.
Wh... Hey, hey!
You're welcome.
Hey. Can I help you?
Hi. Um, I'm sorry.
I called, and no one answered.
Um, my friend gave me your number in yoga class.
Well, I'm just having a really bad day.
My... My friend died, and we had a fight.
Oh, okay, okay. Sure, sure, sure, come in.
Come in. It's fine.
Thank you.
Okay. Come right this way.
I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name.
Oh, it's Kay... eleen.
- Kayleen? - Mm-hmm.
Great. Um, why don't you come this way.
Uh, just have a seat.
Do you want a drink or anything?
No, I'm fine.
Okay, great.
Make yourself comfortable.
Okay.
So, you talk to dead people?
Well, I can't promise results...
but, yes, I have had some success.
Comes in nice and clear, huh?
No mistaking it?
Sometimes, yeah.
Great. Can't wait.
All right, so the first thing I'm gonna have you do...
is give me your hands.
Uh, you... Uh, we probably shouldn't...
because I'm, uh, coming down with a cold.
Okay. Um, great.
Okay, this is what we'll do then.
Um, why don't you concentrate on your friend, okay?
And let's try to see if she can come through to us.
- You're the psychic. - Great.
Yeah, wow, I'm getting something.
Ashley Clark, you have made a mockery of the gifts...
you've been given.
Uh, Kayleen?
You speak falsely for the dead.
We have been sent here to give you a warning.
Stop now or suffer a terrible fate.
Is this some sort of joke?
This is no joke.
We see and hear everything.
We saw you drop the tray of meatballs last night...
and still serve them.
We saw what you did in the shower last night...
and it's nothing to be ashamed of...
but we still saw.
And we see what you're trying to do...
to Henry Mills.
L... I'm just...
You, of all people...
should know the consequences of defaming the dead.
Leave Henry Mills alone...
or you will never find peace again.
You will lose your possessions, your friends...
and eventually your life.
This is the only time we will visit you.
Oh, I must've dozed off.
Did you contact my friend?
Ashley, are you okay?
Please go.
Well, you look like you've seen a ghost.
Can you go now, please?
Just go.
You'll never guess who I ran into.
- Who? - Ashley.
Ashley...
I know so many Ashleys.
The psychic.
Oh, that Ashley.
- What did she say? - Well, it was really weird.
I mean, she got these images, really specific stuff.
Really? Wow.
Will she get a message from Kate?
- Like what? - Huh?
- What? - What?
Anyway, we're, you know, gonna try it again.
That's great. That's... I really...
I feel like she can help you, Henry.
Come on, Ashley!
Ashley, come on!
She's not home?
Uh, why?
Are you here to meet her?
No, we had, um, an appointment.
Wait a second. Are you Henry...
the-the veterinarian?
She mentioned me?
No, it's just a really lucky guess.
I'm good like that.
I'm Dan, the catering partner.
- Right. Hi, Dan. - Hi.
Yeah, we were supposed to meet an hour and a half ago...
at this restaurant, but she's not answering her phone.
I know. I've been calling her all day.
Do you mind if I try?
Knocking?
Please. No, please. Help yourself.
Maybe later you can come jab an elevator button...
a hundred times after I've already pushed it.
Ashley!
Ashley, it's Henry. Are you there?
Henry, I'm sick!
I tried to call.
I might be sick for a really long time.
Okay, do you need anything?
No. I'll call you if I ever feel better.
Ashley?
Ashley!
Got more than you did.
Hey, it's Ashley, psychic-slash-caterer...
leave an awesome message.
Good morning. It's Henry.
Just thought I'd check in since you didn't...
- # This little light of mine # - sound so good last night, see if you're all right.
- So, um, you all right? - # I'm gonna let it shine #
Morning again.
It's, uh, Henry again.
That's some cold. I hope you didn't get it...
when we went out the other night.
Anyway, I was gonna...
you know, come by and drop off some soup or something...
so, um, maybe I'll see you.
# Shine, let it shine #
# Even if it burns your eyes #
# This light of mine is mine #
- # And I'm gonna let it shine # - It's Henry.
The sandwich was gone, so, you know, that's a good sign.
Buying a sandwich for someone...
you've never had a sandwich with...
is a lot harder than you think.
I mean, just the bread.
I started off with whole wheat...
but then I worried that, you know, I'm saying...
you're kind of a crunchy person...
who only eats whole wheat.
I almost went with pumpernickel, but then I'd look like...
the kind of guy who wants to impose...
my weird bread fetish on everyone and...
You know, now, I'm one of those idiots who just prattles on...
in, uh, answering machines...
and also uses a word like "prattles."
So the only thing I can think of is that, uh, you really just...
you don't wanna talk to me anymore.
Um, if that's right, well, um...
I don't know, I guess just...
kinda keep doin' what you're doin'.
- # Shine, let it shine # - So, take care of yourself...
- # Even if it burns your eyes # - Ashley.
# This light of mine is mine #
# And I'm gonna let it shine #
There you are.
Why have you been avoiding my brother?
Uh, I can explain.
Um...
I guess I can't explain.
Okay, if you didn't wanna do this...
you should've just said so...
but to lead him on and let him think...
that you can help him and then just disappear?
I mean, he's worse off, if that's possible.
I just couldn't do it anymore, all right?
I'm sorry.
Please tell him I'm sorry.
Did you run out of things to say?
- No, it's not that. It's not that. - Because I have...
- It's not... - more information.
I have letters and some pictures and...
- Is that her? - Yeah, that's Kate.
Oh, God!
Wait, what do... What does that mean?
Do... Do you want the letters?
All right, show's over.
Come out. I know who you are...
Kate.
- Boo. - God.
God, it's really you. This is unbelievable.
- Are you really like a... - Ghost?
It's the only way I can explain it.
That is awesome.
Here, catch.
Nice throw.
Crap.
Hey, what was that the other day, man?
I was just trying to help out the situation.
Help?
You were helping yourself to Henry.
Okay, so, like, I'm like...
I'm like slightly attracted to him.
Well, he's not right for you.
Yes, he is.
He is considerate, and he is sweet, and, you know...
pulls the chair out for me when I sit.
Big deal.
It is a big deal, and you know it, okay?
He's been wonderful to me from the second he met me...
even though he probably thought I was a little crazy.
Well, you do talk to dead people.
That's a little crazy.
Oh, I'm crazy?
You're the one who's spying on me in the frickin' shower.
You're right. I'm sorry about that.
You know what, girl to girl, you're gettin' a little hippy.
You might wanna cut back on the pasta.
All right, what do you want?
I'm serious. Why are you here?
Look, we got off on the wrong foot...
and that's partly my fault...
with the threats from beyond and all.
- Yeah. - But here's the thing.
I was sent back to earth to protect Henry.
Really? How do you know that?
Because when you die, you go to this white room...
and there's a woman who may or may not be an angel...
and she says that, you know, just, you know...
stuff, and I just know.
So, like, I have to like stay away from Henry now?
Oh, that would be so great. Thank you.
Wait a second. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
But you're dead.
I still don't want you to see him.
Yeah, I know, but for argument's sake...
I mean, if I wanted to see him...
there's not a whole hell of a lot you could do about it.
Really?
Then why have you been hiding in your bedroom for a week?
Well, I'm done hiding.
Let's not let this get ugly.
I think it already has.
You have no idea.
Ashley?
Hi, Henry.
Oh, sorry.
"Dr. Mills."
Oh, hey, you're alive.
Yeah, thanks to you.
You're a real lifesaver.
Know... You know, the food that you left me...
was the only thing that kept me going.
Oh, you got that. Good.
I left a couple of messages, but...
I know. I'm so sorry. I, um...
I just... I felt so ill that I couldn't talk to anyone.
But the minute I felt better...
I wanted to come down here and thank you in person.
I hope you're not mad at me.
No, not at all. L...
I'm sorry that I called and bothered you.
I mean, you said that you'd call when you felt better...
and here you are.
Do you wanna go out tonight?
Yeah. All right. I'd love to.
Okay, great.
Oh, great. Oh, great.
I'll let you get back to saving animals' lives...
and everything.
Okay.
And what seems to be the trouble with Margaret?
Ltchy ass.
Excellent.
Oh!
Oh, God!
Ashley, hello.
What was that crash? I heard a crash.
- Ashley, hello. - Shit.
What is going on? Is there someone there?
Is someone at your place?
- Hello. - You know what...
- Hello! - I'm callin' the police.
I'm giving you ten seconds to pick up.
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.
Dan. Sorry.
The phone scared me, so I killed it.
What's going on? Where have you been?
- Why haven't you talked to me? - It's a long story.
I've got time.
L... I can't talk right now.
Why don't you come over tomorrow...
we'll work on the Spencer party. I got to go.
Where are you off to?
The gym. Okay? I got to go. Bye.
- Oh, wait, Dan! - Yeah?
Would you say I'm hippy?
# Goddess on the mountain top #
# Burning like a silver flame #
# The summit of beauty and love #
# And Venus was her name #
# Whoa #
There's a gas leak in the building.
Everyone get out now.
This is an emergency.
It'll be fine if we just don't freak out!
It's all right! It's okay!
We'll be right if we just stay cool!
Just stay cool, guys! Just don't light a match!
What... Everyone out!
Oh, no.
- Miss? - The...
It was just the P.A.
Was there an announcement on the P. A?
What P. A?
Stairmaster's open, you know, for your... Mm-hmm.
Miss.
Yeah. I was just...
Well, look at me, hmm?
Naked in there, okay.
Just kidding. Sorry about that, you guys.
I'm crazy.
So, do you have any idea where you wanna eat?
Um, no.
I mean, if you have a place... some place in mind or...
No, it's your treat, so, you know...
I'm gonna let you choose.
Oh, well, in that case, I just... I know just the place, actually.
No, I was... I was kidding.
Do you wanna get some seafood?
Oh, no, no, big talker...
you're now gonna eat a hot dog out of a cart.
- Hey. - Sor... Oh, sorry.
Uh, one Italian sausage.
- Thank you. - No, make it two.
If you're sure you wouldn't rather have seafood.
No, we're... No, we're fine with the two.
Two Italian sausage. Thank you.
Are you going to treat me to a funnel cake, too?
Only if you're a good boy.
Watch out for that.
Stop it, please. It's really not funny.
No, you're right. That's horrible.
Stop, 'cause if you wanna play, I'll play that game.
You wanna play that game?
Oh, my God! Oh!
Ohh!
Oh.
Let me just...
You got a little somethin', uh...
I can't believe you're not embarrassed...
to be seen with me right now.
Oh, God, no, no, I totally am.
- Oh. - Yeah.
If I run into anybody that I know...
I'm gonna pretend you're a German tourist.
I don't wanna be associated with you.
Do you know any German?
Uh... Ich machen dachen zeit yachen...
tick wagen fahr Fig Newton...
in BMW en zag.
It's kinda like a Swedish German.
- Yeah. - Nice.
- It's not. Yeah. - It's good.
Yes, no, I think the bathrooms are over there...
German lady, who's from also Sweden...
that I don't even know.
Hey, I feel kind of weird bringing this up...
but have you thought about Kate lately?
Um, yeah, not really.
I mean, you know how I feel about all that...
but you said some pretty amazing things.
Can I ask you a question?
Sure.
Um, there's no right or wrong answer to this...
so you can just be honest, but, um, are we...
Are we out to talk about Kate...
or-or are we, you know, just out?
Because, either way is totally fine with me.
I just... If it's both...
then it probably gets, like, a little complicated for me.
Yeah, I was kind of wondering the same thing, actually.
I mean, are we out because I'm your client...
or are we out?
Oh, great, I'm your client.
That sucks.
I had a good time.
Me, too.
I'll call you tomorrow.
Okay, you don't have to.
No, I want to.
Okay. Okay, me, too.
Okay.
Bye.
Forgetting something?
Was I somehow unclear about what I wanted you to do?
Oh, were you expecting Henry?
I was hoping. He's quite a kisser.
You're really gonna throw that in my face?
Isn't that tactic a little beneath you?
You're one to talk!
I had to show a room full of guys my naked breasts...
because of you!
That's a nice gesture, but unnecessary, dear.
Oh, I was... Um...
Good night.
Bingo, come on.
That dog just sniffed you.
God, I think the animals can see you.
That is so cool.
That's great.
Wonder how I can use that against you?
Hey, I showed it to you.
Yeah, that was dumb.
I don't understand.
If you weren't sick, then what was the problem?
I can't get into it...
because you're gonna think I'm crazy.
No, no, no. I'll hide it.
I promise, I'll look at you really sincerely and say...
"I understand."
- Okay. Fine. - Good.
You remember Henry, right?
Yeah, yeah. The guy with the wife...
that was the crushed by the angel.
Right. I saw her.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Uh, now, when you say, uh, you saw her...
you mean you saw...
- Her ghost, yes. - Mm.
Yeah, she's been hassling me.
I understand.
No, Dan, this is not a joke.
Look, I've heard voices before and stuff like that...
but I've actually seen her.
Do you see her right now?
No, I only see her when she wants me to see her...
I think. I don't know.
You know what? Never mind. I'm kidding.
I seriously was kidding. I totally made that up.
Let's cook. I bought salmon.
You... You really believe this, don't you?
It's really happening.
And it's only you. No one else can see or hear her?
Yeah. I don't know why I'm the only one who can see her.
Maybe because I'm after the guy she was supposed to marry.
Maybe that's sufficient motivation for her...
to come back from the dead. I don't know.
I note that during your little rant...
defending your sanity, you admit you're after him.
Well, yeah, I mean, we're like...
We're like... We're sort of dating or whatever.
Ashley.
No, I don't want a reality check.
This is what happens when you lie...
about talking to a man's dead fiancee.
I've seen it a thousand times.
No, because I'm not lying, okay?
I can actually talk to her. That's different.
Okay, I was lying before...
because I actually couldn't talk to her.
And also, admittedly...
I lied to you about being interested in him.
So I am sorry about that.
Yeah, listen, while you work that out...
maybe this can bubble into your subconscious.
Run away!
I mean, you have dated guys with every problem there is...
but this one, apparently, has a ghost?
Yeah, but it's not his fault his fiancee's haunting me.
- Mm. - Look, it's impossible to find a great guy...
and I'm not gonna let a little thing...
like a ghost stop me, okay?
I'm not gonna let her win.
You mean her ghost?
- Right. - I understand.
I'm going to the market. Bone the fish.
Are you all right? Why are you screaming?
No, I wasn't.
I was... I was singing.
Thanks.
Father Marks?
Ashley.
That's me.
I haven't seen you in, what's it been, ten years?
I've been to a few Christmas services.
Well, next Christmas, why don't you come up and say hello?
Absolutely. I will put that in my calendar.
December the 25th.
Got it.
Well, you didn't come here...
so I could make you squirm about your attendance.
Now that you mention it.
Um... Father, um, I've... I've...
I've had an encounter...
encounters with a ghost.
Well, you musn't be completely surprised...
that this is happening to you.
I mean, if you dabble with the occult...
you're bound to get these kind of incidents.
- I know. - Well, all right.
You're not here to get a lecture from me.
So why did you come here?
I want you to get rid of her.
Do you see the ghost now?
No.
And this room is where you've seen her the most?
Definitely. This is definitely the room...
where I see her most.
So, uh, is there a script for this sort of thing?
For exorcism? Oh sure, sure.
No, when you're casting out spirits...
the Church doesn't really like us to wing it.
Right. Of course.
- Shall we? - Yes.
Yes.
"I address thee, spirit, in the name of the Father...
"and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.
"Come out and leave this servant of God."
You don't really believe this is gonna work.
I see her. She's right there.
"It is time for your soul to pass on.
"Hear the command of God himself...
"who did walk upon the sea...
"and extend his right hand to Peter."
You really don't believe in all this hocus-pocus, do you?
"In the name of God, the Almighty Father...
- "that thou depart..." - Oh, that's not good.
It's working. It's working.
Uh, okay, Ashley, listen.
I've been reconsidering, and I think we can come...
- to some sort of understanding. - "Let the Holy Spirit...
"dwell therein."
Okay, uh, s-s-some of the...
some of the things I did, a little out of hand...
and I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize.
You know, the whole naked in the gym thing, not cool.
I get it now.
- What's happening? - "Therefore, restless spirit...
Oh, make it stop!
"Acknowledge that your time has ended."
Please, I don't wanna go. I don't wanna go!
She's gone.
Yeah.
You did it.
- You sure? - Yeah.
I'm... I'm... I'm sure.
She was right there...
and then she vanished.
Well, bugger me.
Good.
- Good. - Very good.
So, you're, uh, finished with your psychic work?
Oh, yeah. I mean, it's over.
And we'll see you in church on a regular basis?
We didn't agree to that before we started.
Oh, I'll bring her back.
It's a deal. It's a deal. I promise.
Okay. No more of these games.
- I know. I'm sorry. - Take care of yourself...
- Ashley Clark. - Bye-bye.
He sounded so serious.
No! No!
Did you like that disappearing thing?
I just made that up.
I didn't even know I could do that before now.
Okay, time to get to work.
Tonight, instead of sleeping, I thought I'd tell you...
all the stories of all the pets I've ever owned.
- Oh, people love pet stories. - Just... Just...
So, I'm gonna start with the first pet I ever had.
It was a turtle named Ernie, and I must've been eight.
She actually had kittens.
She had baby kittens, and then we named them all.
And we used to call him Boots, because he was all white...
and he had these little black...
- Boots? - Exactly.
At least that's what we called him until "he" had kittens.
Then we named him Mrs. Piggy.
And there were six kittens. What were their names?
Was that you?
The doorbell?
Yeah, that was me. Don't answer that.
I remember the kittens' names!
It was Willy, Betty, Whiskers...
Fang, Teddy, and Nugget!
And then there was Buffy, who was my last dog.
But after he died, that was it.
God, I think that's all my pets.
You should get some sleep.
Mmm... thank you.
Good morning.
- The time is 7 A.M. - You have a busy day in front of you...
- Good morning, everyone. - So I thought you might like to hear...
all my favorite colors and numbers.
- Blue, seven, seventeen... - Good morning, everyone! Well...
Lime green, forest green, yellow, one, blue.
Oh, crap, did I already say blue?
You know what? I'm gonna start over.
- Blue. - Ow!
Oh, God!
Gettin' tired? Unable to function?
I'm fine.
You know, you really should think...
about what you're getting into here.
I don't need sleep.
I can hound you every second of every day.
You're never gonna know...
if something you hear is real or not.
I can keep you from sleeping and eating...
- and drinking... - Enough!
Enough, okay? Congratulations, you win.
I love spending time with Henry, but it's not worth it.
Good. Then my work here is done.
But if you ever try to see him again...
- You'll be back. - You can count on it.
Go.
Hey, wait, Kate.
Look, is there, um...
Is there anything you wanna tell him?
What do you mean?
Well, Henry came to me...
because he wanted to talk to you...
and I definitely think I can deliver on that.
So is there anything you wanna say to him?
Kate contacted me from beyond...
not like before, but clearer.
Clearer than anything that I have ever experienced.
What did she say?
Hi, Henry.
She says, "Hi, Henry."
I know. Um, you know what?
Ask me questions.
Just, uh, ask me as many questions as you'd like...
and just keep asking me until you're convinced.
What was her favorite food?
The three berry cake at Sweet Lady Jane's.
She says ask a tough one.
Um, what was her first pet's name?
Ernie the turtle. She told me that earlier today.
Her favorite Hawaiian island?
She's only been to Maui, and she got stung by a jellyfish.
You really, uh...
What else?
She always hated this chair.
Her second toes are slightly longer than her first.
She always meant to take guitar lessons.
Well, l... Why did she come here?
I mean, what does she wanna tell me?
She says that she can tell that you're torn...
between being faithful to her memory...
and the feelings that you have for me.
The hell I did!
Ow! Oh! Ah!
- What happened? - Seed in the eye! It's okay!
Tell him the truth!
She says she just wants you to be happy, Henry...
and she can tell that you're happier with me.
You are screwing with the wrong woman.
That's it. I mean, she wants you to move on.
Oh, she's gone.
No, I'm not!
I'm right here!
I'm gonna be with you every second of every day...
for the rest of your life!
Tell her thank you.
Thank you, Kate, wherever you are.
Are you okay?
You look at it, Doctor.
Oh!
It really hurts.
Good. I hope it blinds you.
What would I do without you?
You are so dead.
I, Andy Chris, take you, Natalia Yeroshik...
as my best friend for life.
I pledge to honor, encourage...
- and support you... - Oh, you know the Lerner party?
You're gonna have to do that alone.
Where, uh... Where are you gonna be?
Uh, I gotta... I gotta...
I gotta go away. I'm... Some... I've got a thing.
With... With who?
Shh.
With Henry? With Henry.
This is my solemn vow.
From this moment, I, Natalia Yeroshik...
take you, Andy Chris...
- What, Dan? - Nothing. Nothing.
This is my solemn vow.
By the power vested in me...
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
Congratulations.
Yeah.
Three...
four...
five...
- six. - Ashley.
Shh!
Okay, where was I? I was on...
- Three. - Thank you.
For what?
Three, four, five...
six, seven, eight.
I have to say something.
Now, you know I never get involved in your love life.
- Bullshit. - Fine.
As someone who's always involved in your love life...
I think you should listen to me.
You're making a huge mistake.
No, I'm not. Help me with the cart.
Okay, it's... It's not because his fiancee's ghost...
is trying to drive you away, and-and it's not because...
he's a client who you lie to...
but you talk about picking guys with problems?
He just got out of a relationship...
where his bride was killed on their wedding day...
and you'll be the first girl he dates.
That's a pretty serious rebound.
You really think this is gonna end up well, huh?
Nice try. You're still handling the Lerner party alone.
Ladies and gentlemen, Cherries Jubilee.
Excuse me for a second.
I could feel the heat all the way back here.
- Are you okay? - You know, if I were dead...
I wouldn't be following around one person, okay?
I'd be finding out the meaning of life.
I would be talking to wise, notable dead people.
Oh, like who?
Um, like Eleanor Roosevelt.
What would you ask her?
Like, all kinds of things.
Like what?
Um...
All right, forget Eleanor Roosevelt.
You're the only dead person I wanna talk to right now.
Oh, I think you burned off a little bit of your eyebrow.
What? Where?
Right... Right there.
It's not gonna be even.
You know what? I don't care.
And you know what else?
I'm going away with Henry this weekend...
whether you like it or not, and I don't care what you do.
I don't care if you set me on fire or yell and scream...
and talk about your dog or watch me while I piss!
I don't care! So if you're trying to make me look insane...
it's not working!
So...
who's ready for cake?
Oy.
# I'll stop the world and melt with you #
# You've seen the difference #
# And it's getting better all the time #
- # There's nothing you and I # - Ha! No! - Yeah.
- # Won't do # - Oh, my God.
- Pretty smooth. - It is beautiful.
It's so weird how much this place...
reminds me of my own apartment.
You know what we should do?
I saw some people riding one of those...
like, two-person bikes.
We should totally rent one of those.
Yeah, absolutely.
Okay, cool.
Now?
Yeah, why not?
We just got here.
Don't you want to unpack, check out the room?
Oh, my God.
Did you think that you could just bring me...
up here and never leave the room?
Just put a "do not disturb" sign on the door...
and lock ourselves in for the weekend?
Um... yes?
Awesome.
I'll go freshen up.
Henry?
Yes?
You know I'm still in the room, right?
Yeah.
- Okay. - Okay.
That was gross.
Are you all right?
I'm fine!
Okay.
I should've known it was you.
You know, I never thought farts were funny...
when I was alive, but the look on your face.
You get out of here.
You're not having sex with my husband.
He is not your husband.
And even if you did make it down that aisle...
there's still that "till death do us part" clause.
You're a ghost!
Did you say something?
Yeah. The...
There's potpourri!
Don't do it!
Oh, I'm doin' it.
Oh, my God.
It looks even better on the floor.
Best day ever.
Wow, this is gonna be awkward.
Oh, my God!
- You okay? - Yeah, yeah.
I just, you know, it's just, "Oh, my God."
I'm surprised he didn't spring for the suite.
- Hey! - Are you sure you're okay?
- How's it going down there? - Why? Yeah.
- Yeah. - Yoo-hoo!
It's just you're closing your eyes very energetically.
I think you're freakin' him out.
Oh, you like to kiss with your eyes open? That's cool.
I mean, that's kind of kinky, but all right, all right.
- I'm cool with that. - Being on the bottom...
not your most flattering angle.
I was talking to another ghost the other day...
and you'll never guess who it was.
Remember that guy you used to date in high school...
who got killed in a motorcycle accident?
Ted?
- What? - What?
You said Ted.
No, I didn't.
I just... I, um... 'cause I bumped my arm.
I'm okay now.
Anyway, this is a little embarrassing...
but he said you were a bad kisser.
Actually, he said you were the worst kisser ever.
"Painful and overly wet," was his exact quote.
He made a noise like this.
- Talk dirty to me. - What?
Talk dirty to me. I love it. It turns me on.
Henry doesn't like that.
Do it loud.
Um... Oh, you're a dirty girl, aren't you?
She's a dirty little liar is what she is.
Louder.
You're a dirty little thing.
You're a dirty girl...
- # I believe the children # - aren't you?
- # Are our future # - You're a dirty girl.
- Good, good. Louder though, louder. - # Teach them well #
- Like... Like you're trying to drown out some annoying noise - # And let them lead the way #
- # Show them all # - Like this?!
- # The beauty # - Yeah!
- # They possess inside # - You're a dirty little girl, aren't you?
- Louder, please! - Aren't you a dirty little thing?!
You like the dirty stuff!
Aren't you a dirty... That's just stupid.
I'm just yelling at you.
- Music! - Is that annoying?
It's a little loud.
What?!
The music. You like it this loud?
Oh, yeah, I love it.
Love this. Salsa.
Salsa makes me horny!
No, no, no, no!
Come on, just anything.
I like your hair!
Oh, God, I love it!
- It's looks really good! - Louder!
Really?!
Sorry, sorry.
- Oh, hey. - Hi.
- How you doin'? - I'm good.
So, what's up?
You know that woman you sent me to...
the, uh, psychic?
Believe me, you don't have to whisper that...
in this neighborhood.
I mean, it's not like I sent you to a...
Republican.
Well, She's, um... She's great.
I mean, really, I feel a thousand times better.
Did she get a message from Kate?
Yeah, and I think that Kate really wants me to move on.
In fact, I'm dating her.
Who?
Ashley.
Wait, so she told you that Kate said...
that she wants you to start dating again...
and then she went out with you?
Well, it didn't happen exactly like that, but...
Oh, yeah, I guess that is...
how it happened exactly, but...
Well, you got to stop.
Why?
She's a psychic.
Since when do you have a problem with psychics?
L... You do.
You do. You hate them.
Look, Henry, I think it's great...
that you're dating again, but, I mean, you can't date her.
God, I thought you'd be happy about this.
I guess, I-I should be.
I'm just... You're right.
I'm just surprised, I mean...
But I'm... I'm... I'm coming around now.
I mean, look how happy I am now.
Chloe.
I've been meaning to call you, actually.
What's been stopping you, huh?
Pretending to talk to my brother's dead fiancee...
so you could date him?
Come on in.
No, I'm okay.
I just... I want Kate's diary back.
Okay. Um... yeah.
I'm not gonna tell him that I gave this to you...
because, somehow, he does seem better.
I know it looks bad.
How could you do this?
I mean, uh, "I can't fake it. I'm not some scam artist."
I mean, you totally took advantage of him.
You asked me to do this.
Use fake psychic vision to date him?
Let me think. No, I'd remember that.
Chloe, I really, really care about him.
Worst part is that I did this.
I mean, I gave this to you.
I handed you everything that you needed.
You gave what to her?
No, what... It's okay. Don't...
What's this?
This is Kate's diary.
Yeah.
Why would you give this to her?
How'd you even get it?
The story about the pancreas is in here...
- Um... - and how we met.
Henry. Henry!
Henry!
You were right.
It all fell apart, you know, 'cause I'm a horrible person.
No, no, you're not a horrible person.
Yes, I am. I am.
I'm a liar, and I'm a horrible person.
And you know what? I never even deserved him.
- Okay, you... You kn... - I didn't!
No, you know what? He's an idiot to let you go.
- No! - All right? No.
No matter what you did, he's an idiot to let you go...
okay?
Anyone would be lucky to have you.
You're just saying that.
Anyone.
What the hell was that?
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
You're my friend.
You're gay.
You're my gay friend.
Ah, screw it.
I'm not gay.
What?
I'm not gay!
I've never been gay.
I don't have sex with men, and they don't have sex with me.
Wow.
So when you just kissed me just then, you were like...
I'm in love with you.
What?!
I've been in love with you since I met you.
Every time you turn your back to me, I sniff your hair.
I went into business with you, so I could be near you.
I hate cooking!
I wanna throw up every time I cut a fish.
God, you have got to be the worst psychic...
in the history of time.
How could you not know any of this?
Why didn't you just, like, tell me?
Okay, remember when we met,
and-and-and we started, you know...
going out to lunch and dinner...
and talking on the phone all day and all night.
I thought we were dating.
And... And then...
And then, after a week, we went to a movie.
I was just about to kiss you, and you turned to me...
and you said, "I love having a gay friend to talk to.
"I could never be this comfortable...
"with a straight man."
What was... What was I supposed to do?
You waited a week to make your move!
Of course, I thought you were gay.
I was taking it slow.
Five years, one kiss? That's not slow.
That's family.
I'm sorry. I missed my window.
I was... I was waiting for it to come back around again.
God, Dan, you've, like...
betrayed me.
- Betrayed you? - Yeah.
Ashley, I love you.
You think it was easy for me listening to you...
talk about other guys, huh?
Watching mind-numbingly boring romantic movies...
and pretending to cry?
Going shopping with you and giving you advice on clothes?
Do you know how much of the last five years...
I have spent learning about clothes?
This shirt cost me $175, and I hate it!
I hate it!
I love that shirt.
You know, before this whole stupid thing...
I probably spent $100 a year on clothes.
Now? Now, I spend that much every three weeks...
on this haircut, which I also hate!
God.
We took bubble baths together.
Yeah.
Now can you see how hard it was for me?
I just wanted to cry on my gay friend.
Yup.
I'll let myself out.
Okay.
All right, I'm ready.
You don't have a cat.
I rescued a stray, so you'd talk to me.
Come in.
So, have you thought about a name for him yet?
No. After we're done here...
I'm taking him back to the pound.
I'm kidding.
It's a joke, so you start laughing now...
breaks the tension, and then we start talking again.
Pet's a big responsibility.
Did you ever think about maybe just running...
into me on the street?
Listen, I didn't know that Ashley was gonna use...
the information I gave her to start dating you.
I mean, I really thought that she was just...
gonna tell you that Kate wanted you to move on.
We... Do you really have to do that?
Yeah, he needs his shots.
Yeah. I think he's already had them.
He's my neighbor's cat.
Your neighbor let you borrow her cat to bring to the vet?
You stole a cat?
I'm gonna bring him back.
He was on a fire escape. It's like a walk.
Would you quit doin' stupid stuff...
because you think you know you're right?
Whoa. You should hear yourself.
You sound like Mom and Dad.
And your friends and your bosses...
and your teachers and strangers that you meet on the street.
They all tell you this because it's true.
I'm sorry you feel that way.
See if you can get the cat home without killing it.
I think I can handle it.
He's fine.
Hi.
I read this.
Henry, I really wanna talk to you about all this.
- It's just... - How did you know...
about the cake or Hawaii or the chair?
None of that's in here...
and no one else knows about that.
All right, um, your sister gave me the diary...
and she asked me to pretend...
that Kate had talked to me, which is not her fault...
because I shouldn't have done it in the first place, okay?
But I did, because I thought, I don't know...
I thought maybe you needed it, you know, to help you move on.
But I must have crossed over some sort of line...
or something, because then, suddenly, she appeared.
- Kate. - Yeah.
And sh... And she tried to scare me away from you.
But I just... I really wanted to be with you...
so I didn't let it stop me.
You pretended that she wanted us to be together...
because you thought that that would make me...
fall in love with you.
Yeah, I guess I did.
I, um...
I hoped that you would love me for other reasons, too.
- Is she here now? - No, I haven't...
I haven't actually seen her, um, since you broke up with me.
Guess it was her job to get rid of me...
and, well, she did that.
So, she just sort of disappears?
I don't know.
Thank you.
"There's a soul and seal on thine arm.
- "For love is strong as death; - # Go ahead as you waste #
- "Jealousy as cruel as the grave." - # Your days with thinkin' #
- # When you fall, everyone stands # - Come on, Beatrice.
# Another day, and you've had your fill of sinkin' #
# With the life held in your... #
# When all you gotta keep is strong #
# Move along, move along #
# Like I know you do #
# When everything is wrong #
- # We move along # - Come on.
- Okay. Good night, Bill. - # When all you gotta keep #
- Oh, you're a vet. - # Is strong #
- # Move along, move along # - You know, I've always wondered which is smarter...
- cats or dogs. - # Like I know you do #
Come in for some coffee?
# When all you gotta #
- # Keep is strong # - Why... I really have to get up early...
- # Move along, move along # - but if you insist...
- # Like I know you do # - maybe just one cup.
Cats are really good with tools...
- # When all you gotta keep is strong # - but dogs are better spellers.
- # Move along, move along # - That's a... a joke.
- # Like I know you do # - Dogs, actually.
- That's a funny trick. - # When all you gotta keep #
- Is there something wrong with cats? - # Is strong #
- No, cats are great. - # Move along, move along #
- Their owners are nuts. - # Like I know you do #
- # When all you gotta keep # - How many cats do you have?
- # Is strong # - Four.
- I'll call you, okay? - # Move along, move along #
- Peace. - # Like I know you do #
Do you wanna go to the restaurant?
- I mean, I can take you back now. - # And even when your hope #
# Is gone, move along, move along #
- # Just to make it through # - Okay.
# When all you gotta keep is strong #
# Move along, move along #
# Like I know you do #
# Go on, go on, go on, go on #
# Right back what is wrong #
# We move along #
# Go on, go on, go on, go on #
# Right back what is wrong #
- Ashley. - # We move along #
- # Go on, go on, go on, go on # - Hi.
- Okay, Hi. Hello. - Hello.
- Long time. - Yeah, could've gone longer.
Yeah, listen, I've...
I've been thinking about what I did, and...
Can we stop walking?
I'm trying to... trying to be sincere...
and the panting is really killing my delivery.
Sorry.
- I screwed up. - Yeah, you did.
Yeah, I did. Definitely screwed up.
But look at it this way.
I pretended I was gay for five years.
Has any other man ever done anything like that for you, huh?
I mean, I could see a guy pretending...
for two, three...
- three, three years tops... - Okay.
- But five, come on, that's... - Okay.
All right, listen, Ashley, you know me.
You know me better than anyone else does.
And I know you.
Even though I did a stupid, stupid...
Really stupid.
Beyond crazy, stupid thing by lying to you...
we have been best friends for five years.
Yes, that is true.
Look, I don't...
I don't know any more fancy way to say this.
I'm a good guy. I love you.
And l... I just...
I just really wish you'd give me a chance, so...
Do I attract screwed-up guys, or what?
Hiya.
- You. - Yeah.
Well, he doesn't look so good, does he?
No, he doesn't.
Finish your mission?
Yeah. You?
No, or I wouldn't still be here.
- Really? - Mm.
So you do move on once you finish...
- what you're supposed to do? - Oh, shoot.
Did you listen to anything she said?
- No. - So I guess you're not done yet.
Guess not.
Look, what do you think you're supposed to do?
I don't know.
Well, what do you want more than anything else right now?
For Henry to be happy.
Okay.
What do you think would make Henry happy?
I don't know.
Think you do.
Damn it! Anything but that.
Wait, where are you going?
I'm done.
So your job was to...
Get you to do the right thing, yeah.
Well, why didn't you just tell me that in the first place?
Would you have believed me? Mmm.
See ya, up there.
Yeah? Well, if I see you, I know I'm not in heaven.
That's the spirit.
The yellow dress?
Are you planning on wearing that, or taking it to Goodwill?
I haven't talked to him in months.
Wow. No, "Hello, Kate.
"How's the afterlife treatin' you?"
You know, I think I lost weight.
I never looked this good when I was alive.
What do you want, Kate?
Um... all right, this isn't easy for me, so...
You at a loss for words?
That's a first.
Have you talked to Henry, you know, since...
Since you broke us up?
No, I haven't.
As a matter of fact, I'm, uh, dating someone else.
No, you're not. You can't be.
Yes, I can, and we're goin' to Vegas.
Well, stop! What about Henry?
What about him? You know what?
I am not interested in whatever sick game...
you're playing, Kate.
No, listen to me. I'm being very serious.
I want you two together.
No sale.
I can't believe I'm begging you to date my husband.
Okay, don't you still love him?
Even if you weren't screwing with me right now...
which it's so clear that you are...
the answer would be no.
I moved on.
I mean, it killed me to do it, but I did it.
So just, um...
Can you leave me alone now? Please?
Get up!
Henry!
Why can't you hear me?
Get up!
Everything okay over there?
Who cares about the bird?
Call Ashley!
Ashley. Call Ashley.
Ashley.
Did you just say...
- Ashley. - Who taught you that?
Call Ashley. Call Ashley.
You want me to call Ashley?
What do you... I'm talking to my bird.
Get up. Get up.
Kate?
Is that you?
Are you talking to me through my bird?
Yes.
Why do you want me to...
Call Ashley.
I got a machine.
- Airport. - What?
Airport.
Take the bird.
Oh, yeah.
# Think of all the luck you got #
- Taxi! Taxi! - # You know that it's not for naught #
Oh, hey, nice. Thanks.
Welcome.
- # It's not like that anymore # - Where to?
Airport. Airport.
What? You heard the bird. The airport.
Why are we going to the airport? Where is she goin'?
Las Vegas.
And you want me to stop her? I thought you hated her.
What gave you that idea?
How do you even... How do you know this?
What a day, right?
Got your bird with you, huh?
It's actually my, uh, fiancee.
- # What is this downside # - Ah.
- I think. - # That you speak of? #
# What is this feeling #
# You're so #
# Sure of? #
# What is this downside #
Ashley!
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Back of the line, sir.
I just need to talk to that woman for a second.
The only way you get through here is with a ticket.
Could you maybe get her then?
It's an emergency.
Oh, it's an emergency?
Well, by all means, come on in, man.
You know, people who have emergencies...
don't even have to go through the metal detectors.
All right, there's really no need for sarcasm.
Back of the line.
Hi. I need the cheapest ticket you have.
Where do you wanna go, sir?
It doesn't matter.
Well, that's not at all suspicious.
Hurry up, lard ass.
Excuse me?
Uh... no, that's, uh...
That's... That's my bird.
He says that to everybody.
Move those fat fingers, Helen.
All right, you know what? That's enough.
Sorry.
One ticket to Miami, $1,350.
- That's the cheapest ticket... - Don't be cheap. Buy it!
- All right, you know, that's fine. That's fine. - Buy it!
You know, I never really thought about it...
but, uh, a psychic in Vegas?
We could really clean up, you know?
Yeah. Too bad I don't do that anymore.
All right.
Over there.
What?
What's the matter?
You don't wanna know.
Ashley.
What are you doing here?
I don't know. The bird told me to come here.
Did you do this?
Who are you talking to?
Oh, let me... Let me guess, uh, the ghost?
Why are you here?
Why is your arm around her? You're gay.
No, I'm not... I'm not gay. No, no.
No, I've never been gay.
Methinks he doth protest too much.
Do you really want this?
Henry does.
Where is she?
She's right next to you.
You want Ashley and me to be together?
I do.
I'm sorry I put you through all of this.
She says she does, and she's sorry...
for being such a royal bitch.
I mean, I'm... I'm paraphrasing.
Thank you, Kate.
You're welcome, Henry.
When we get to heaven, all bets are off.
She says you're welcome.
So, Kate wants us to be together.
I want us to be together.
What do you want?
Well, I wouldn't wanna piss her off again.
# And love #
# Such a silly game we play #
# Oh, like a summer's day in May #
# What is love? What is love? #
- Hello? - # I just want you to be loved #
# Oh-oh-oh #
You know what? That probably wasn't gonna work out anyway.
- I'm Bill, by the... - I'm not gay!
- Okay. - Okay.
- All right. - Very good.
Me, neither. Not gay at all.
Um, maybe, though, when we get to Vegas...
we can grab some dinner...
and talk about how, you know, not gay we are.
# Ah, ah, ah #
# Love #
# Who could tell me I am wrong? #
# I just think that I am strong #
# What is love? What is love? #
# I just want you to be loved #
# Oh-oh oh-oh #
# Oh-oh #
I am so glad I met you. You're hilarious.
I was just going for ironically amusing.
Are you sure you haven't been drinking already?
Oh, wait till after the ceremony.
If you like me now...
you are gonna love me when I'm drunk.
Wow. That was, um...
- really quick. - Well, I'm not gay.
I'm not gay.
I just need... I just wanna get that...
out there right now, so there's no misunderstanding later.
I'm not... So that's why we, uh... Okay.
There she is.
Oh, God, hold on, Dad.
One second. One second.
Hi.
Look, I know this was supposed to be you...
so thank you.
Just make him happy, okay?
Or else, you know.
Wait, can you come back and haunt me for that, or...
I... I don't know.
I kind of missed the orientation speech.
Don't worry.
Kate, I will make him happy.
I love Gardenias.
Sorry.
We are gathered here in the presence of God...
to witness the exchanging of vows that will bind...
- # I can see clearly now # - this couple together...
- # The rain is gone # - in the covenant and relationship of marriage.
When the ceremony has ended, they will leave this place...
- # I can see all obstacles # - as husband and wife...
- # In my way # - for the very first time.
# Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind #
# It's gonna be a bright #
# Bright, sunshiny day #
# Yeah #
# Look all around #
# There's nothin' but blue skies #
# Look straight ahead #
# There's nothin' but blue skies #
# I can see clearly now #
# The rain is gone #
# I can see all obstacles in my way #
# Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind #
- # It's gonna be a bright # - Hello, Kate.
- # Bright # - # Bright #
Not you again! Come on!
Relax! I'm just here to congratulate you.
Really?
I did the right thing?
You certainly did.
Now just give me back the orb of true light...
that you collected from your loved ones...
and you can move on.
I'm sorry, the orb of which what?
Oh, dear.
Are you screwing with me?
Are you allowed to screw with me?
Hey, hey, no!
You are not disappearing on another conversation!
You better hope I don't end up in this room again!
I'm gonna kick your ass!
Get back here!
THE END