1 00:03:05,252 --> 00:03:06,852 Hey, guys. 2 00:03:06,854 --> 00:03:10,689 Welcome to another edition of J-J-J-J, J-TECH! 3 00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:14,359 J-TECH. 4 00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:18,864 A vlog specializing in reviewing new consumer technologies. 5 00:03:28,142 --> 00:03:29,975 Self-help is a big business right now. 6 00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:33,845 Uh, ones that help you with self confidence, anxiety, insomnia. 7 00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:35,781 A little, uh, drug addiction-- 8 00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:41,587 And there's apps out there for people who think they've been abducted by aliens. 9 00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:44,623 And there's tracking devices in their brain. It's called the Alien Brain Scan app. 10 00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:46,458 You should check it out. It's totally weird. 11 00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:50,662 However, I did find one app that kinda stood out to me. 12 00:03:50,664 --> 00:03:53,599 Unlike the other apps, which are designed to solve a specific problem, 13 00:03:53,601 --> 00:03:56,401 this claims that it can help with an-- an-- with anything. 14 00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:59,471 You just input your goal, and it sends you a series of custom-tailored missions... 15 00:03:59,473 --> 00:04:01,206 to help you accomplish it. 16 00:04:01,208 --> 00:04:02,608 And what's really interesting about it... 17 00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:04,610 is an interactive feature-- interactive feature-- 18 00:04:04,612 --> 00:04:06,778 that allows you to keep track of your progress... 19 00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:08,247 by filming yourself with your camera... 20 00:04:08,249 --> 00:04:09,948 in order to help you accomplish the mission. 21 00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:12,084 The app is called i-Lived... 22 00:04:12,086 --> 00:04:14,620 and I know it sounds a little weird, but it's pretty cool, 23 00:04:14,622 --> 00:04:16,421 and it's really fun and easy to use. 24 00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:18,857 So, here is the app, which is bright and positive... 25 00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:21,660 and has a guy jumping into action with the tag line, 26 00:04:21,662 --> 00:04:24,129 "You Haven't Lived Until i-Lived." 27 00:04:24,131 --> 00:04:25,998 Whoa. 28 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:30,168 Thank God I found this thing, 'cause I'm ready to finally start living. 29 00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:32,704 Once you've downloaded the app and signed the user agreement, 30 00:04:32,706 --> 00:04:34,873 you are then prompted to answer a series of questions about yourself, 31 00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:37,009 much like you'd find on any dating app or Web site. 32 00:04:37,011 --> 00:04:39,278 Anyway, whether you decide to answer the questions or not, 33 00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:40,979 you are then asked to input your goal. 34 00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:44,216 And what's the most important thing for a guy to have on the beach in LA? 35 00:04:44,218 --> 00:04:45,984 That's right, a six-pack. 36 00:04:45,986 --> 00:04:50,856 So I entered my goal. "I want a ripped six-pack to share with the ladies." 37 00:04:50,858 --> 00:04:54,092 And I received my first mission via text message-- 38 00:04:54,094 --> 00:04:55,994 that read, "Welcome aboard. 39 00:04:55,996 --> 00:05:00,999 You have started your journey to acquiring a six-pack to share with the ladies." 40 00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:04,536 Oh, yeah. It is on. 41 00:05:04,538 --> 00:05:06,738 So, I set up the camera on my phone, 42 00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:09,474 and began filming myself performing each exercise. 43 00:05:10,109 --> 00:05:12,244 That's me doing sit-ups, 44 00:05:12,246 --> 00:05:13,845 jogging, 45 00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:15,180 eating right. 46 00:05:15,182 --> 00:05:19,284 Not only do I look like a bird, now I have to eat like one, too. 47 00:05:19,286 --> 00:05:21,687 Me want protein. 48 00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:25,691 And now the moment of truth. 49 00:05:25,693 --> 00:05:28,694 I took a picture of myself before the program, 50 00:05:28,696 --> 00:05:31,129 just to do a little "before and after" comparison. 51 00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:34,132 And here's my stomach right now. 52 00:05:34,134 --> 00:05:35,334 Ugh! 53 00:05:35,336 --> 00:05:37,102 Nothing. 54 00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:40,205 Aw. Not even a three-pack. 55 00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:41,873 This is a one-pack. 56 00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:45,477 In fact, all that broccoli just made me feel a little bit bloated, 57 00:05:45,479 --> 00:05:47,846 and gave me some gas. 58 00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:50,482 So, it was fun because you get to film yourself... 59 00:05:50,484 --> 00:05:53,552 and share your pathetic dreams and subsequent struggles with the world. 60 00:05:53,554 --> 00:05:55,320 But it's really not that effective... 61 00:05:55,322 --> 00:05:57,022 in actually helping improve oneself. 62 00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:58,924 That's why I'm gonna give the app i-Lived... 63 00:05:58,926 --> 00:06:00,826 two out of five stars. 64 00:06:00,828 --> 00:06:03,128 It's not really worth it. 65 00:06:03,130 --> 00:06:04,730 Shit. 66 00:06:06,232 --> 00:06:08,133 What the hell? I hope I saved all that. 67 00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:11,169 Oh, shit. 68 00:06:50,009 --> 00:06:52,244 Oh, that's today. 69 00:06:52,246 --> 00:06:53,879 Damn it. 70 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:18,170 I see you haven't moved yet. 71 00:07:18,172 --> 00:07:20,872 Any chance of you two kids getting back together? 72 00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:22,774 I don't think so. 73 00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:24,776 You should give her a call. 74 00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:27,546 Yeah. Uh, no. She left me. Remember? 75 00:07:27,548 --> 00:07:31,983 Well, maybe if you had a real job with some security, instead of these start-ups-- 76 00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:33,852 Dad. Really? 77 00:07:33,854 --> 00:07:37,456 We sacrificed a lot to send you to Stanford. 78 00:07:37,458 --> 00:07:39,424 And what are you doing with it? 79 00:07:39,426 --> 00:07:41,526 There are no real good jobs. 80 00:07:41,528 --> 00:07:46,765 So, you spend all your time online playing with gadgets and-and video games. 81 00:07:46,767 --> 00:07:48,934 You know I'm trying to start my own tech company. 82 00:07:48,936 --> 00:07:50,802 The Internet's a great place to build a following. 83 00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:52,604 And I'm reviewing apps because they're popular right now, 84 00:07:52,606 --> 00:07:54,372 and I can make tons of money on YouTube. 85 00:07:54,374 --> 00:07:57,442 - Whatever. - Well, all I'm saying is that you are wasting your talent. 86 00:07:57,444 --> 00:07:59,578 Okay, I got it. 87 00:08:01,013 --> 00:08:04,983 Okay, but don't forget to pray for your mother. 88 00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:06,551 Talk to you later. 89 00:08:06,553 --> 00:08:10,322 You dare assault me? 90 00:08:10,324 --> 00:08:13,558 You, who have done far worse than I! 91 00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:24,669 Fuck. 92 00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:27,072 Hey. I'll be right out. 93 00:08:27,074 --> 00:08:31,042 No, no, no. Hold up. Check this out. 94 00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:34,579 It's Mrs. Lee, your landlord. 95 00:08:34,581 --> 00:08:36,715 Remember me? 96 00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:39,651 I know your ugly ass is in there. 97 00:08:39,653 --> 00:08:42,053 You're not sneaky. 98 00:08:43,022 --> 00:08:45,524 You're not gonna screw me, you douche bag. 99 00:08:46,927 --> 00:08:49,895 I can't believe she hasn't evicted you yet. 100 00:08:49,897 --> 00:08:52,330 I know. Thanks for changing your mind at the last minute, dick. 101 00:08:52,332 --> 00:08:55,233 I told you from the beginning I wasn't sure if I could move in. 102 00:08:55,235 --> 00:08:57,602 You can't afford that place, dude. You don't have a job. 103 00:08:57,604 --> 00:08:59,137 Duh, I know. 104 00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:01,139 Can you stop texting and watch the fucking road? 105 00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:03,441 Look, man, do you know how much time it takes... 106 00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:05,210 to maintain three dating sites at once? 107 00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:07,646 I know. I should have never introduced you to those. 108 00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:09,447 Hey, speaking of which, I owe you big time. 109 00:09:09,449 --> 00:09:11,683 You know how many bitches I've banged using this method? 110 00:09:11,685 --> 00:09:14,019 The weird thing is I kinda believe you. 111 00:09:14,021 --> 00:09:16,888 And then I look at your face, and I'm like, there's no fucking way. 112 00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,123 Oh, there's a way. 113 00:09:18,125 --> 00:09:20,025 I'm taking care of your ass tonight, man. 114 00:09:20,027 --> 00:09:22,494 I got a couple of, uh, European chicks lined up. 115 00:09:22,496 --> 00:09:23,762 You know what that means, don't you? 116 00:09:23,764 --> 00:09:25,430 - What? - Anal. 117 00:09:25,432 --> 00:09:26,898 You're sick. 118 00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,266 Watch the road, watch the road! 119 00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:29,868 I got it. Chill out, dude. 120 00:09:29,870 --> 00:09:31,503 Anyway, I don't need your help, 121 00:09:31,505 --> 00:09:34,706 'cause I've actually been bangin' bitches on my own on the side. 122 00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:36,007 Oh, is that right? Yeah, man. 123 00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:37,676 You been bangin' bitches, huh? Yeah, dude. 124 00:09:37,678 --> 00:09:40,011 I've been, like, fucking hard, dude. 125 00:09:40,013 --> 00:09:41,880 Hard fuckin' 'em? Dude, with my dick. 126 00:09:41,882 --> 00:09:43,782 Wow. You've been fucking girls with your dick? 127 00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:45,383 Dude. Yep. That's fucking great, man. 128 00:09:45,385 --> 00:09:47,552 Gettin' it in, dude. Puttin' it in 'em. 129 00:09:47,554 --> 00:09:49,054 Puttin' it. 130 00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:51,723 Can you name me one of these girls that you put your dick in? 131 00:09:51,725 --> 00:09:53,892 - Jill's been gettin' it. - Jill? 132 00:09:53,894 --> 00:09:56,027 Dude, she's-- That's a great made-up name. 133 00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:57,596 No, she's been gettin' the dick, dude. 134 00:09:57,598 --> 00:09:59,764 You're doing your bobblehead thing. It's like a woodpecker. 135 00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:02,033 That's how I know you're lyin'. All right, I-- 136 00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:03,969 I just don't want to get in another relationship, okay? 137 00:10:03,971 --> 00:10:05,971 I'm not talking about relationships, dude. 138 00:10:05,973 --> 00:10:08,707 I'm talking about getting that scent back on you. 139 00:10:08,709 --> 00:10:11,476 - What scent? - The scent... of vagina. 140 00:10:11,478 --> 00:10:13,144 Ugh. You're so creepy, dude. 141 00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:15,447 It's the scent that lets ladies know you don't need 'em. 142 00:10:15,449 --> 00:10:18,717 Because you get laid all the time, man. Bitches love that scent. 143 00:10:18,719 --> 00:10:20,385 So, what we're gonna do is we're gonna refocus. 144 00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:22,587 We're gonna hook you up with a couple of hotties tonight, man. 145 00:10:22,589 --> 00:10:25,557 'Cause I swear to God, you could do a lot better than that. 146 00:10:25,559 --> 00:10:27,626 My ex was super cute. No, she wasn't, man. 147 00:10:27,628 --> 00:10:29,394 She had a big nose, and-- Fuck you, dude. 148 00:10:31,031 --> 00:10:33,698 That was debatable. Marie Helen. 149 00:10:33,700 --> 00:10:36,234 Bonjour, mon petit poussin. 150 00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:38,970 That means "little chicken." It's French. 151 00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:42,474 Yes, this is Bobby Yen. I'll be there in a minute, baby. 152 00:10:42,476 --> 00:10:44,976 Okay. Okay, bye. 153 00:10:46,012 --> 00:10:47,879 Why are you talking with a French accent? 154 00:10:47,881 --> 00:10:51,049 Dude... I'm Filipino. 155 00:10:51,917 --> 00:10:53,785 Oh. Where did you go? 156 00:10:53,787 --> 00:10:56,087 I had to go to the bathroom. I was takin' a piss. 157 00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:57,789 You were gone for a while. 158 00:10:57,791 --> 00:11:00,091 - Yeah, I take long, long pisses. - Oh. That's-- 159 00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:01,826 You look great, by the way. I love this. 160 00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:03,461 Oh, thanks. It's a necklace. 161 00:11:03,463 --> 00:11:04,462 Yeah, it's a great necklace. 162 00:11:04,464 --> 00:11:05,830 Thank you. 163 00:11:07,266 --> 00:11:10,135 - Anyways, where's your friend at? - Oh, she got sick. 164 00:11:17,543 --> 00:11:19,411 Hey, Josh. 165 00:11:19,413 --> 00:11:23,014 The friend, she got sick. She's not showin' up. I'm sorry. 166 00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:26,951 Yeah. I'm-I'm cool. Don't worry about it. 167 00:11:26,953 --> 00:11:28,920 We can get the fuck out of here if you want. 168 00:11:28,922 --> 00:11:31,523 - No, it's cool. You just owe me. - We're cool? 169 00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:35,193 Better, uh, watch out. Looks like some guy's moving in on your turf. 170 00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,895 All right. 171 00:12:24,510 --> 00:12:26,044 Yo. What the hell is that? 172 00:12:27,213 --> 00:12:29,614 Oh. Uh, nothing. 173 00:12:29,616 --> 00:12:31,082 You just buy a girl a drink, dude? 174 00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:33,718 No. I drink these all the time. 175 00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:35,453 Yeah, you did. Which one? 176 00:12:38,791 --> 00:12:41,159 Ooh. She's hot. 177 00:12:41,161 --> 00:12:43,128 Hey. Now's your chance. Go get it. 178 00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:45,830 No way. Did you see the way she just dissed that Abercrombie guy? 179 00:12:45,832 --> 00:12:47,098 I don't have a chance, man. 180 00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:49,400 All those good-looking guys are gay. 181 00:12:49,402 --> 00:12:52,203 Now go over there and do your thing, man. Be yourself. 182 00:12:54,474 --> 00:12:57,208 Like a-- like a cool version of yourself. You know? 183 00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:59,511 The sky's the limit, you're the man, all that shit. 184 00:12:59,513 --> 00:13:01,312 Go get it. Have fun. 185 00:13:11,056 --> 00:13:14,392 I bet you're a Kamikaze girl. 186 00:13:15,761 --> 00:13:17,729 Are you asking me if I have a death wish? 187 00:13:17,731 --> 00:13:19,764 No. What-- 188 00:13:19,766 --> 00:13:23,568 What? Like, the drink-- Like-- Kamikazes? 189 00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:25,003 No. Sorry. 190 00:13:25,738 --> 00:13:28,273 Okay, sorry I asked. 191 00:13:30,943 --> 00:13:32,610 What? That's it? 192 00:13:32,612 --> 00:13:34,078 I'm sorry? 193 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:36,147 You said that already. 194 00:13:37,616 --> 00:13:41,886 Right. Okay, uh, it's just a drink that I thought you might enjoy. 195 00:13:41,888 --> 00:13:43,655 That's-- That's it. 196 00:13:43,657 --> 00:13:45,824 You could just ask a girl. 197 00:13:45,826 --> 00:13:48,092 Yeah, I could do that. 198 00:13:48,094 --> 00:13:50,061 Or are you too macho? 199 00:13:50,063 --> 00:13:52,564 You're the kinda guy who thinks he knows what a woman wants. 200 00:13:53,966 --> 00:13:57,302 - Do you like to take charge of a woman? - No! It-- 201 00:13:57,304 --> 00:13:59,971 Wait a second, is this a trick question? 202 00:13:59,973 --> 00:14:01,973 Tricky question. 203 00:14:05,311 --> 00:14:08,346 - Right. Okay. - Um... 204 00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:11,082 May I offer you ladies a beverage this evening? 205 00:14:15,221 --> 00:14:19,490 You're cute. I don't know. What do you think? 206 00:14:19,492 --> 00:14:21,492 - Come on. - Mm-mmm, no. 207 00:14:21,494 --> 00:14:23,161 All right. 208 00:14:24,330 --> 00:14:26,164 Pull up a chair. 209 00:14:26,166 --> 00:14:28,233 She has terrible taste in men. 210 00:14:42,514 --> 00:14:45,116 I just want to say-- Shh. 211 00:14:59,598 --> 00:15:02,066 Good night, Josh. 212 00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:06,404 Good night. 213 00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:58,323 You are getting sleepy, 214 00:15:58,325 --> 00:16:02,827 very sleepy. 215 00:16:02,829 --> 00:16:05,930 All other noise has been drowned out. 216 00:16:05,932 --> 00:16:09,267 My stress is completely gone. 217 00:16:10,302 --> 00:16:13,538 I'm about to fall asleep. 218 00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:19,143 White Noise is the name of the app, and it comes with a video option. 219 00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:21,746 That's why I'm gonna give it three out of five stars. 220 00:16:26,051 --> 00:16:28,386 And now, I'd like to thank all of you... 221 00:16:28,388 --> 00:16:30,388 who've been liking me on all the social networks, 222 00:16:30,390 --> 00:16:32,156 and for all of you new subscribers. 223 00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:35,693 We're almost 300 strong. That is awesome! 224 00:16:37,096 --> 00:16:40,531 Dad, are you proud of me yet? 225 00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:42,967 I'm doin' everything I can out here in Hollywood. 226 00:16:42,969 --> 00:16:45,003 I'm tryin' as hard as I can. 227 00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:46,504 All right. That's enough, Michael Caine. 228 00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:49,040 And this brings me back to the app... 229 00:16:49,042 --> 00:16:51,509 that I reviewed just several days ago. 230 00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:53,745 i-Lived. 231 00:16:53,747 --> 00:16:56,748 And I may have been just a little bit too harsh... 232 00:16:56,750 --> 00:16:59,417 in my first evaluation because... 233 00:16:59,419 --> 00:17:02,653 it's a lot more clever than I initially thought, see? 234 00:17:02,655 --> 00:17:05,823 It used the GPS on my phone to actually track the bar that I was in... 235 00:17:05,825 --> 00:17:08,726 to connect me with the one cute girl that I had my eye on. 236 00:17:08,728 --> 00:17:11,095 Not that the app had anything to do... 237 00:17:11,097 --> 00:17:13,231 with actually knowing who that person was, 238 00:17:13,233 --> 00:17:16,000 but it still gave me the courage to step to that person. 239 00:17:16,002 --> 00:17:17,869 Ja. Exactly. 240 00:17:17,871 --> 00:17:22,040 So, here is a picture of my cheating ex-girlfriend. 241 00:17:23,243 --> 00:17:26,077 And here is a picture of the girl... 242 00:17:26,079 --> 00:17:30,415 that the app miraculously got me talking to. 243 00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:33,885 It's like one is a Victoria's Secret model, 244 00:17:33,887 --> 00:17:35,953 and the other one's a bitch. 245 00:17:35,955 --> 00:17:38,256 So, that's why I feel like this app... 246 00:17:38,258 --> 00:17:40,525 deserves a little bit more in-depth analysis, 247 00:17:40,527 --> 00:17:43,361 or what I like to call a J-TECH double take. 248 00:17:43,363 --> 00:17:46,197 D-D-Double take. Double take. 249 00:17:46,199 --> 00:17:48,399 The first thing I did was click on the user reviews... 250 00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:50,334 to see what others are saying about the app, 251 00:17:50,336 --> 00:17:52,103 and it linked back to the Web site, 252 00:17:52,105 --> 00:17:53,771 where I found a bunch of actual testimonials. 253 00:17:53,773 --> 00:17:56,674 This app has totally changed my life. 254 00:17:56,676 --> 00:18:01,112 When I started using it, about, um, six months ago, 255 00:18:01,114 --> 00:18:02,647 I was afraid of everything. 256 00:18:02,649 --> 00:18:05,616 I was afraid of heights, I was afraid of traveling, 257 00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:09,120 and I just walked over the Golden Gate Bridge. 258 00:18:09,122 --> 00:18:11,022 Um, I've lived here my whole life, 259 00:18:11,024 --> 00:18:15,560 and I'm terrified of heights, and I did it. 260 00:18:15,562 --> 00:18:19,430 It changed me. I mean, it totally changed my life. 261 00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:22,800 All right. Then there's this guy. 262 00:18:22,802 --> 00:18:24,469 Whoo! 263 00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:27,738 I'd always wanted to be a pilot, so I got on i-Lived. 264 00:18:27,740 --> 00:18:31,008 And now here I am, landing a B-17! 265 00:18:31,010 --> 00:18:33,544 And it's all because of i-Lived. 266 00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:45,857 i-Lived. 267 00:18:45,859 --> 00:18:48,292 Weird. There's a lot of wackos using this thing, 268 00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:51,863 just like every other app, but this actually seems to be working for a lot of people. 269 00:18:51,865 --> 00:18:54,832 So, I'm finally ready to start taking this thing seriously, 270 00:18:54,834 --> 00:18:56,734 and enter a new goal. 271 00:18:57,236 --> 00:18:59,804 Make Greta... 272 00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:03,541 my new girlfriend. 273 00:19:03,543 --> 00:19:06,511 'Cause makin' out with a chick in a bar is one thing, 274 00:19:06,513 --> 00:19:10,848 but cl-cl-closing the deal is a whole nother animal. 275 00:19:13,253 --> 00:19:16,921 It could be a big job for i-Lived. 276 00:19:16,923 --> 00:19:18,322 Incoming message. 277 00:19:18,957 --> 00:19:21,225 "Girls like nice guys." 278 00:19:21,227 --> 00:19:24,095 "Do something nice for six people." 279 00:19:24,097 --> 00:19:25,496 All right. 280 00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:28,199 Let the experiment begin. 281 00:19:28,201 --> 00:19:30,568 I'm signing off. But until then, I'm Josh. 282 00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:33,838 This has been J-TECH. P-p-p-peace out. 283 00:19:41,313 --> 00:19:44,482 You been here all day. You gotta shake the spot. Time for you to go. 284 00:19:48,554 --> 00:19:50,321 Thank you very much. Thank you. 285 00:19:50,323 --> 00:19:52,223 Yeah, please. Thank you for your help. 286 00:19:52,225 --> 00:19:54,659 - Can I help you across the street real quick? - Uh, no. 287 00:19:54,661 --> 00:19:56,494 Are you sure? Yeah. I'm sure. 288 00:19:56,496 --> 00:19:58,729 Hey, hey. I'm helping your dog. 289 00:19:58,731 --> 00:20:01,232 Put this dog down. Jesus. Sorry. 290 00:20:01,234 --> 00:20:03,201 Who are you? I just wanted to help. 291 00:20:03,203 --> 00:20:05,069 All right, that definitely didn't work. 292 00:20:07,307 --> 00:20:09,574 Who wants some candy? 293 00:20:10,442 --> 00:20:12,977 Here's a lollipop for the big boy. 294 00:21:08,333 --> 00:21:09,900 What the fuck? 295 00:21:13,805 --> 00:21:16,073 Bitch. 296 00:21:16,075 --> 00:21:18,476 Goddamn it. 297 00:21:36,194 --> 00:21:37,862 Hello? 298 00:22:24,743 --> 00:22:29,480 So, we've just put the celery, onions and carrots in here to sauté. 299 00:22:29,482 --> 00:22:31,048 We're gonna bring it back, and-- 300 00:22:31,050 --> 00:22:35,252 This should be called the Cougar Cooking Class, 'cause, you know-- 301 00:22:40,793 --> 00:22:44,428 Now, remember, this is a very, very male dance. 302 00:22:44,430 --> 00:22:47,131 You have to be very strong. Now take me 'round. 303 00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:50,334 Very good. 304 00:22:50,336 --> 00:22:52,737 "One hour to madness and joy! 305 00:22:52,739 --> 00:22:54,739 O furious! O confine me not! 306 00:22:54,741 --> 00:22:57,141 What is this that frees me so in storms? 307 00:22:57,143 --> 00:22:59,844 What do my shouts amid lightnings and raging winds mean? 308 00:22:59,846 --> 00:23:01,445 - O savage! - O--" 309 00:23:01,447 --> 00:23:03,381 Hey, man. We're trying to have some coffee here. 310 00:23:03,383 --> 00:23:05,449 That's Walt Whiteman, you jerk. 311 00:23:05,451 --> 00:23:07,385 First of all, it's Whitman. 312 00:23:07,387 --> 00:23:10,955 What man? Not "what man?" Whitman. 313 00:23:10,957 --> 00:23:12,490 It's Walt Whitman. 314 00:23:12,492 --> 00:23:14,925 Whatever, dude. No culture in LA. 315 00:23:30,275 --> 00:23:32,143 All right. We're done. 316 00:23:50,530 --> 00:23:54,465 That's crazy. I lived the exact same thing. 317 00:23:54,467 --> 00:23:56,634 Yeah, well, no more blind faith for me... 318 00:23:56,636 --> 00:23:59,103 when it come to matters of the heart. 319 00:23:59,105 --> 00:24:00,471 Well-- 320 00:24:00,473 --> 00:24:02,907 I'm not gonna let some crazy narcissist ruin it... 321 00:24:02,909 --> 00:24:05,910 for all the good girls out there. 322 00:24:05,912 --> 00:24:08,913 Oh, so you're like a philanthropist? No, no, no. 323 00:24:08,915 --> 00:24:12,917 Uh, more like a humanitarian and a poet. 324 00:24:12,919 --> 00:24:16,454 Oh, really? A poet. 325 00:24:16,456 --> 00:24:19,557 "One hour to madness and joy! 326 00:24:19,559 --> 00:24:22,092 O furious! O confine me not! 327 00:24:22,094 --> 00:24:24,929 What is this that frees me so in storms? 328 00:24:24,931 --> 00:24:28,933 What do my shouts amid lightnings and raging winds mean? 329 00:24:28,935 --> 00:24:33,204 O to drink the mystic deliria deeper than any other man! 330 00:24:33,206 --> 00:24:36,273 O savage and tender achings." 331 00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:45,216 and you to be yielded to me, in defiance of the world!" 332 00:24:50,156 --> 00:24:53,424 "O to return to Paradise. 333 00:24:53,426 --> 00:24:55,759 O bashful and feminine, 334 00:24:55,761 --> 00:24:58,896 O to draw you to me, 335 00:24:58,898 --> 00:25:01,932 to plant on you for the first time, 336 00:25:01,934 --> 00:25:05,169 the lips of a determined man." 337 00:25:06,439 --> 00:25:08,873 "O to be absolved from previous ties and conventions. 338 00:25:08,875 --> 00:25:11,642 I from mine, and you from yours! 339 00:25:11,644 --> 00:25:14,712 O madness amorous! O trembling!" 340 00:25:14,714 --> 00:25:17,281 "To drive free! To love free! 341 00:25:17,283 --> 00:25:20,718 To dash reckless and dangerous! 342 00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:24,555 To court destruction with taunts, 343 00:25:24,557 --> 00:25:27,525 with invitations. 344 00:25:27,527 --> 00:25:33,097 To ascend, to leap to the heavens of the love indicated to me. 345 00:25:33,099 --> 00:25:36,333 To rise thither with my inebriate soul! 346 00:25:36,335 --> 00:25:39,203 To be lost, if it must be so! 347 00:25:39,205 --> 00:25:44,441 To feed the remainder of life with one hour of fullness and freedom. 348 00:25:44,443 --> 00:25:49,313 With one brief hour of madness and joy." 349 00:25:52,551 --> 00:25:54,451 One hour? 350 00:25:54,453 --> 00:25:56,186 Two? 351 00:26:10,870 --> 00:26:13,003 Is that a dolphin? 352 00:26:20,111 --> 00:26:22,746 Again. Now. 353 00:26:25,350 --> 00:26:28,185 - Just hang on. - Okay. 354 00:26:54,913 --> 00:26:56,447 There's also a check list... 355 00:26:56,449 --> 00:27:01,018 to keep track of all those hot, steamy, sexy positions, 356 00:27:01,020 --> 00:27:04,788 as well as a rating system for your performance. 357 00:27:04,790 --> 00:27:07,391 Imperative for any man... 358 00:27:07,393 --> 00:27:08,892 except me. 359 00:27:08,894 --> 00:27:11,562 'Cause I am a jaguar in the sheets. 360 00:27:13,899 --> 00:27:16,634 That's why I give "Kama Sutra-- Love Journey," 361 00:27:16,636 --> 00:27:18,769 four out of five stars. 362 00:27:18,771 --> 00:27:21,271 And to the makers of this app-- 363 00:27:21,273 --> 00:27:24,074 You had me at "sex position." 364 00:27:24,076 --> 00:27:27,044 And for those of you who have commented on my Facebook status... 365 00:27:27,046 --> 00:27:30,981 from going to "single" to "in-in-in a relationship," sorry, ladies. 366 00:27:30,983 --> 00:27:33,684 I'm not available. I'm off the market now. 367 00:27:33,686 --> 00:27:36,153 You're probably noticing that the app i-Lived, 368 00:27:36,155 --> 00:27:38,489 the experiment that I've been doing, is going pretty well. 369 00:27:40,192 --> 00:27:42,960 And, by the increasing number of users who have downloaded the app, 370 00:27:42,962 --> 00:27:46,130 it looks like it's going pretty well for you guys too. 371 00:27:46,132 --> 00:27:47,998 There have been some updates to the Web site, 372 00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:49,566 most notably the private setting, 373 00:27:49,568 --> 00:27:51,669 just in case you're too embarrassed to show the world... 374 00:27:51,671 --> 00:27:53,671 what you're willing to do to better yourself. 375 00:27:53,673 --> 00:27:55,205 It's a shame from this reviewer's standpoint, 376 00:27:55,207 --> 00:27:56,907 because it provided hours of great comedy. 377 00:27:56,909 --> 00:27:59,576 Now, I'm gonna put the app to the test with this next goal. 378 00:27:59,578 --> 00:28:02,446 Get one... 379 00:28:02,448 --> 00:28:05,482 million viewers. 380 00:28:05,484 --> 00:28:07,217 No. 381 00:28:07,219 --> 00:28:12,389 Eight million viewers! 382 00:28:12,391 --> 00:28:15,125 Viewers! 383 00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:13,717 Might I say that this is a person dressed for success. 384 00:29:13,719 --> 00:29:15,352 It's almost a perfect fit. 385 00:29:15,354 --> 00:29:17,821 Just a little bit on the inseam and the sleeves, 386 00:29:17,823 --> 00:29:21,558 and the world is yours to take, looking like that. 387 00:29:21,560 --> 00:29:24,027 How much is it? This one's $2300. 388 00:29:24,029 --> 00:29:27,197 And you're looking at about $2700 with alterations. 389 00:29:27,199 --> 00:29:29,399 Okay. Yeah. 390 00:29:29,401 --> 00:29:32,736 Do you, uh, have something in a different fabric? Maybe a bit darker? 391 00:29:32,738 --> 00:29:34,972 I think I might. Yeah, let me take a look. 392 00:29:37,408 --> 00:29:39,309 What do you think? 393 00:29:39,311 --> 00:29:41,078 Hot. 394 00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:44,314 You think? Yeah, babe. 395 00:29:44,316 --> 00:29:48,352 If you want to dress for success, that's the way to do it. 396 00:29:48,354 --> 00:29:51,688 Do you mind getting the car while I pay for this? I gotta get back to work. 397 00:29:51,690 --> 00:29:53,690 You're getting it? 398 00:29:53,692 --> 00:29:56,193 You said hot, right? 399 00:29:58,830 --> 00:30:01,865 Like, "I want that guy" hot. 400 00:30:01,867 --> 00:30:04,368 Seriously. Get the car. 401 00:30:22,120 --> 00:30:23,754 Oy! Sorry. 402 00:30:23,756 --> 00:30:25,222 Oy, where are you going? 403 00:30:25,224 --> 00:30:26,523 Hey! 404 00:30:26,525 --> 00:30:29,493 Hang on, mate! Hey! 405 00:30:31,029 --> 00:30:32,863 - Are you all right? - Yeah. I'm fine. 406 00:30:32,865 --> 00:30:34,064 Let's go. 407 00:30:34,066 --> 00:30:35,265 Hey! Come back here! 408 00:30:35,267 --> 00:30:37,334 Come on. Go, go, go! 409 00:30:40,472 --> 00:30:45,108 Behold your ruin and witness my escape, 410 00:30:45,110 --> 00:30:48,545 into the Kingdom of Purgatory, 411 00:30:48,547 --> 00:30:51,181 and Paradise! 412 00:30:56,254 --> 00:30:57,654 Yes! 413 00:30:57,656 --> 00:31:01,258 Dude, I've been tryin' to beat that level for God knows how long. 414 00:31:01,260 --> 00:31:04,094 You got chicks coming over, man? 415 00:31:04,096 --> 00:31:06,096 It's probably just my landlord. 416 00:31:06,098 --> 00:31:09,433 - You still haven't paid the rent? - Fuck that bitch. 417 00:31:10,903 --> 00:31:12,970 Oh, we got a badass over here. 418 00:31:12,972 --> 00:31:14,605 I'm gonna get it, man. 419 00:31:16,941 --> 00:31:19,142 A real tough guy, huh? 420 00:31:20,946 --> 00:31:22,980 Hey, listen here, little lady-- 421 00:31:40,365 --> 00:31:42,132 Fuckin' weirdo. 422 00:31:42,134 --> 00:31:45,369 It's not even raining. 423 00:31:45,371 --> 00:31:48,138 Hey, man, you got some weird-ass-- 424 00:31:48,140 --> 00:31:51,708 Sure. Monday for coffee sounds great. 425 00:31:51,710 --> 00:31:55,312 All right, cool. See you then. 426 00:31:55,314 --> 00:31:59,416 Some guy out of the UK is in town and wants to give me a job at this major tech site. 427 00:31:59,418 --> 00:32:01,418 He said they're gonna pay me a salary. 428 00:32:01,420 --> 00:32:04,688 Nice. Now maybe you can quit hiding in your own house. 429 00:32:07,191 --> 00:32:09,826 "Always be firm and stand your ground." 430 00:32:09,828 --> 00:32:12,129 That's the spirit. 431 00:32:12,131 --> 00:32:14,631 That's a good one. I may use that one, Josh. 432 00:32:46,631 --> 00:32:48,565 Dude... 433 00:32:48,567 --> 00:32:50,901 there's a line. 434 00:32:50,903 --> 00:32:52,569 Yeah? And? 435 00:32:52,571 --> 00:32:53,737 You just cut it. 436 00:32:54,906 --> 00:32:56,707 What are you gonna do about it? 437 00:32:58,977 --> 00:33:01,645 It's cool, man. Yeah, I thought so. 438 00:33:16,462 --> 00:33:19,296 - Are you Joshua? - Yes. 439 00:33:19,298 --> 00:33:20,697 Sit, sit. 440 00:33:21,532 --> 00:33:23,333 Just "Josh" is fine. 441 00:33:24,969 --> 00:33:27,838 Josh from J-TECH. 442 00:33:27,840 --> 00:33:31,708 I'm Roberto Luis and I love your little show, mate. Gotta tell you. 443 00:33:31,710 --> 00:33:33,977 Love how you mix your personality with the reviews. 444 00:33:33,979 --> 00:33:35,579 It's fresh. It's personal. 445 00:33:35,581 --> 00:33:38,281 And most of all, it really inspires trust in your audience. 446 00:33:38,283 --> 00:33:39,783 - Coffee? - I'm good. I've got-- 447 00:33:39,785 --> 00:33:41,985 And let's face it, we're all trying to sell something. 448 00:33:41,987 --> 00:33:46,256 Advertising, technology, entertainment, right? 449 00:33:46,258 --> 00:33:49,359 - Are you the only writer? - Yep. Just me. 450 00:33:49,827 --> 00:33:51,461 Incredible. 451 00:33:51,463 --> 00:33:55,932 Well, I may have an interesting proposition for you, mate. 452 00:33:55,934 --> 00:33:57,834 How would you like to have your own show... 453 00:33:57,836 --> 00:34:00,670 on a site that has over eight million viewers worldwide? 454 00:34:05,810 --> 00:34:08,178 Did you say eight million? 455 00:34:17,623 --> 00:34:19,456 Oh, fuck. 456 00:34:32,638 --> 00:34:34,638 What the hell is this? Aaah! 457 00:34:34,640 --> 00:34:37,974 Whoo! Look at that hot bitch! 458 00:34:37,976 --> 00:34:41,478 i-lived! i-lived! i-lived! i-lived! i-lived! 459 00:34:41,480 --> 00:34:44,047 You are slaves. I'm a slave. 460 00:34:44,049 --> 00:34:45,982 We're all slaves! 461 00:34:45,984 --> 00:34:50,520 Not to God or the government, but to the aliens who live among us! 462 00:34:50,522 --> 00:34:54,691 Beware! The technological alien invasion is coming! 463 00:35:00,131 --> 00:35:02,299 Who the hell are these people? 464 00:35:04,902 --> 00:35:07,838 Wait a second, I know this dude. 465 00:35:13,177 --> 00:35:15,278 Jeremy Otto. 466 00:35:16,080 --> 00:35:18,148 Weird. 467 00:35:22,553 --> 00:35:24,054 He was using the app. 468 00:35:24,056 --> 00:35:26,890 Dude... there's a line. 469 00:35:27,592 --> 00:35:28,859 Yeah? And? 470 00:35:29,861 --> 00:35:31,361 You just cut it. 471 00:35:31,363 --> 00:35:33,163 What are you gonna do about it? 472 00:35:33,165 --> 00:35:34,865 It's cool, man. 473 00:35:34,867 --> 00:35:36,600 Yeah, I thought so. 474 00:36:15,439 --> 00:36:17,474 Can I get a beer and a kamikaze? 475 00:36:17,476 --> 00:36:20,010 One more time? A beer and a kamikaze! 476 00:36:20,012 --> 00:36:21,478 Yeah. Sure. 477 00:36:23,447 --> 00:36:25,048 Hello? 478 00:36:31,656 --> 00:36:33,056 Hey. 479 00:36:33,058 --> 00:36:34,324 What's your favorite animal? 480 00:36:34,326 --> 00:36:36,059 I don't know. 481 00:36:36,061 --> 00:36:38,428 Excuse me. Ugh. 482 00:36:38,430 --> 00:36:40,297 I guess it's, like, pugs or something. 483 00:36:40,299 --> 00:36:42,465 They're cute, they got scrunchy faces. 484 00:36:42,467 --> 00:36:44,834 You're staring. It's weird. Can I get a drink? 485 00:36:45,736 --> 00:36:47,637 Here you go. 486 00:36:47,639 --> 00:36:49,206 Uh, Greta's tab? 487 00:36:49,208 --> 00:36:51,708 Uh, yeah. All right. 488 00:36:51,710 --> 00:36:54,878 Hi. Nice to meet you. 489 00:38:25,036 --> 00:38:26,770 Dad? 490 00:38:28,372 --> 00:38:30,373 What are you doing? 491 00:38:31,976 --> 00:38:33,810 Where's Mom? 492 00:38:49,660 --> 00:38:51,061 Mom? 493 00:38:55,032 --> 00:38:56,833 I'm home. 494 00:39:02,873 --> 00:39:04,674 What's the matter? 495 00:39:09,613 --> 00:39:11,014 Mom? 496 00:39:19,123 --> 00:39:21,758 Oh, shit! Sorry. 497 00:39:21,760 --> 00:39:24,060 - Let's go in here. 498 00:39:25,363 --> 00:39:26,963 What happened? 499 00:39:28,232 --> 00:39:29,933 What do you mean? 500 00:39:30,534 --> 00:39:32,435 We rushed out of there. 501 00:39:35,740 --> 00:39:40,377 I, uh, just wanted to be alone with you. 502 00:39:43,914 --> 00:39:47,250 Okay, good. Me too. 503 00:39:55,493 --> 00:39:57,427 This is, yes. 504 00:39:58,462 --> 00:40:00,163 That's great. 505 00:40:01,932 --> 00:40:04,234 Okay. 506 00:40:04,236 --> 00:40:06,102 Of course I have a lawyer. 507 00:40:07,605 --> 00:40:10,407 Sure. I'll do that. 508 00:40:11,809 --> 00:40:13,410 Okay, great. 509 00:40:14,311 --> 00:40:16,045 Talk to you later. 510 00:40:19,617 --> 00:40:21,818 I guess I have to find a lawyer. 511 00:40:22,286 --> 00:40:24,521 You got the job. 512 00:40:24,523 --> 00:40:26,289 I think I got the job. 513 00:40:26,291 --> 00:40:27,891 You think? 514 00:40:32,263 --> 00:40:34,164 I got the job. 515 00:41:20,811 --> 00:41:24,948 Hey, what's up? It's so late. 516 00:41:24,950 --> 00:41:27,517 I had to try, just in case you were awake. 517 00:41:27,519 --> 00:41:29,586 What's going on? Are you guys okay? 518 00:41:29,588 --> 00:41:31,588 Praise the Lord. 519 00:41:31,590 --> 00:41:33,823 The doctors can't explain it. 520 00:41:33,825 --> 00:41:37,727 They said they think she's in total remission. 521 00:41:37,729 --> 00:41:39,963 It's a miracle. 522 00:41:39,965 --> 00:41:43,399 A complete reversal in three weeks. 523 00:41:43,401 --> 00:41:45,969 What? How is that possible? 524 00:41:45,971 --> 00:41:49,038 I don't know. 525 00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:51,040 Last week she was in such pain... 526 00:41:51,042 --> 00:41:53,009 that she wanted to take her own life. 527 00:41:54,912 --> 00:41:58,748 I told her it would keep her out of heaven if she did. 528 00:41:58,750 --> 00:42:01,384 She wanted to kill herself? 529 00:42:01,386 --> 00:42:03,086 Why didn't you call me? 530 00:42:03,088 --> 00:42:07,056 I-- I wanted to help her do it. 531 00:42:09,960 --> 00:42:13,530 I'm so ashamed to say it, but-- 532 00:42:13,532 --> 00:42:15,865 I love her so much. 533 00:42:17,735 --> 00:42:19,702 I know you love her, Dad. 534 00:42:19,704 --> 00:42:23,940 Now she's gonna be okay. Gonna be all right. 535 00:42:24,508 --> 00:42:26,709 I tried, Son. 536 00:42:26,711 --> 00:42:29,212 The Lord is rewarding us. 537 00:42:29,214 --> 00:42:31,748 I can't believe it. 538 00:42:31,750 --> 00:42:36,319 Now, you should go back to sleep. 539 00:42:36,321 --> 00:42:40,790 - I love you, Son. - Dad, who-- who's at the house with you? 540 00:42:40,792 --> 00:42:42,859 Just me and your mom. 541 00:42:42,861 --> 00:42:46,162 It's 4:00 in the morning. 542 00:42:46,164 --> 00:42:50,300 Dad, I can see someone sitting at the sofa chair. 543 00:42:52,369 --> 00:42:54,504 What are you talkin' about? 544 00:43:39,183 --> 00:43:40,817 Damn it. 545 00:43:48,392 --> 00:43:50,693 Greta? 546 00:43:50,695 --> 00:43:54,330 I didn't upload the video. 547 00:43:54,332 --> 00:43:55,965 What? 548 00:43:56,567 --> 00:44:00,069 The video for the app. 549 00:44:00,071 --> 00:44:03,740 I usually have to upload the video, and then things happen. 550 00:44:03,742 --> 00:44:07,243 I got the job, and I didn't upload the last video. 551 00:44:09,313 --> 00:44:12,515 You got the job because... 552 00:44:12,517 --> 00:44:14,984 you are talented. 553 00:44:14,986 --> 00:44:17,286 And because you know your stuff. 554 00:44:19,723 --> 00:44:22,759 Not because of some stupid app. 555 00:44:25,195 --> 00:44:27,096 Come back to bed. 556 00:44:39,910 --> 00:44:42,145 Are you done with it yet? 557 00:44:53,223 --> 00:44:56,726 Yeah, I am. 558 00:45:05,135 --> 00:45:06,969 What's great about this app... 559 00:45:06,971 --> 00:45:08,938 is you can access all your cameras... 560 00:45:08,940 --> 00:45:11,007 right from your phone, anywhere in the world. 561 00:45:11,009 --> 00:45:13,209 So, let's say you're goin' out of town, 562 00:45:13,211 --> 00:45:15,745 and you're leaving your kids behind 'cause you don't wanna take 'em. 563 00:45:15,747 --> 00:45:18,414 Or maybe you got that wife that's creepin' around, she's cheatin'. 564 00:45:18,416 --> 00:45:19,782 You can check on her too. 565 00:45:19,784 --> 00:45:22,552 Or maybe you got somebody that might be breakin' into your house. 566 00:45:22,554 --> 00:45:24,921 You can check on your house from anywhere in the world. 567 00:45:24,923 --> 00:45:26,389 That's what's pretty cool about this. 568 00:45:26,391 --> 00:45:28,658 There's also a la-la-la-la- loop feature, 569 00:45:28,660 --> 00:45:31,861 which allows you to flip from camera to camera without even doing anything. 570 00:45:31,863 --> 00:45:34,931 And that's why I give this app four out of five stars. 571 00:45:34,933 --> 00:45:37,033 Which brings me to my next announcement! 572 00:45:37,035 --> 00:45:38,768 Yours truly, J-TECH, 573 00:45:38,770 --> 00:45:43,072 is about to make a huge deal with the enormous tech site, 574 00:45:43,074 --> 00:45:44,073 Ah. 575 00:45:44,075 --> 00:45:46,342 I'm gonna be hostin' their app review show. 576 00:45:46,344 --> 00:45:49,479 Because I'm gonna be actually getting paid money. 577 00:45:49,481 --> 00:45:52,315 Dolla, dolla bill. 578 00:45:52,317 --> 00:45:53,916 Now, hold up. 579 00:45:53,918 --> 00:45:55,952 Hold up. Hold up. 580 00:45:55,954 --> 00:46:00,556 I know some of you purists out there are, like, "Josh, you sellin' out, okay? 581 00:46:00,558 --> 00:46:03,359 Because you not gonna be little J-TECH anymore. 582 00:46:03,361 --> 00:46:06,229 You gonna be big J-TECH!" And I get it, okay? 583 00:46:06,231 --> 00:46:08,364 I'm not sellin' out, because you guys... 584 00:46:08,366 --> 00:46:11,834 are gonna be part of a much larger network of dorks around the world. 585 00:46:11,836 --> 00:46:13,636 Around the world. 586 00:46:13,638 --> 00:46:17,874 Oh, and for those of you who have been following the i-Lived app experiment, 587 00:46:17,876 --> 00:46:19,976 check this out motherfuckers! 588 00:46:19,978 --> 00:46:21,811 Six-pack, bitches! 589 00:46:21,813 --> 00:46:25,081 I'm Josh from J-TECH. Peace out, bitches. 590 00:46:29,319 --> 00:46:31,921 I do a lot of push-ups. You know, in my spare time. 591 00:46:31,923 --> 00:46:33,956 It's all I do. 592 00:46:33,958 --> 00:46:35,158 Hey. What's up, man? 593 00:46:35,160 --> 00:46:36,826 This is a great party, huh? Yeah. 594 00:46:36,828 --> 00:46:37,927 Hey, this is Alex. 595 00:46:37,929 --> 00:46:39,328 Hey. Nice to meet you. 596 00:46:39,330 --> 00:46:40,963 Hey, have you seen Greta anywhere? 597 00:46:40,965 --> 00:46:43,666 Greta? I don't remember what she looks like. 598 00:46:43,668 --> 00:46:46,335 - Whoa. - Excuse me. 599 00:46:49,506 --> 00:46:51,107 Excuse me. 600 00:46:55,779 --> 00:46:57,547 Stop. 601 00:47:20,871 --> 00:47:23,206 You wanna get outta here? Absolutely. 602 00:47:26,978 --> 00:47:29,212 Can you give me a second? 603 00:47:29,214 --> 00:47:30,980 Two minutes. 604 00:47:33,217 --> 00:47:35,251 Josh... 605 00:47:35,253 --> 00:47:36,619 come on. 606 00:47:36,621 --> 00:47:40,323 You're a great guy, and I have a lot of fun with you, but... 607 00:47:41,191 --> 00:47:43,459 I made myself pretty clear. 608 00:47:44,595 --> 00:47:46,429 No strings attached, remember? 609 00:47:47,631 --> 00:47:50,166 No. I don't remember. 610 00:47:50,168 --> 00:47:53,502 What did you think this was gonna be, really? 611 00:47:54,304 --> 00:47:57,306 Nothing. Whatever. 612 00:47:57,308 --> 00:47:59,976 You're hurt. 613 00:48:00,744 --> 00:48:02,511 We're all good. 614 00:49:42,846 --> 00:49:45,648 Yes. Joshua Fosse. 615 00:49:45,650 --> 00:49:48,784 He was supposed to call and talk to me about the terms of my-- 616 00:49:48,786 --> 00:49:50,353 Well, can I talk to him? 617 00:50:04,368 --> 00:50:06,802 Can I help you? 618 00:50:06,804 --> 00:50:09,705 Yeah. Uh, hi. Mr. Luis, please. 619 00:50:09,707 --> 00:50:13,442 He's unavailable. I told you that on the phone. 620 00:50:13,444 --> 00:50:15,544 No, you said he didn't know me. 621 00:50:15,546 --> 00:50:17,613 I've been calling for, like, three days. How do you-- 622 00:50:22,152 --> 00:50:25,688 - Is that his office there? - Please. I don't want to have to call security. 623 00:50:25,690 --> 00:50:28,057 Who is that? 624 00:50:28,059 --> 00:50:30,893 - Sir-- - Who is he meeting with in there? 625 00:50:30,895 --> 00:50:33,396 Mr. Luis! 626 00:50:33,398 --> 00:50:34,930 Mr. Luis! 627 00:50:34,932 --> 00:50:37,233 Mr. Luis! 628 00:50:39,269 --> 00:50:41,504 - Roberto! - Come on, man, just chill out... 629 00:50:41,506 --> 00:50:44,373 or I have to call the cops. Why don't you chill out? 630 00:50:44,375 --> 00:50:47,143 Why don't you all just chill out? 631 00:51:38,696 --> 00:51:40,296 Yes! 632 00:51:45,937 --> 00:51:47,570 Fuck! 633 00:52:51,334 --> 00:52:53,769 911. What is your emergency? 634 00:52:53,771 --> 00:52:56,238 Yeah, somebody broke into my garage. What is your address? 635 00:52:56,240 --> 00:52:59,108 233 North Norton Avenue. 636 00:52:59,110 --> 00:53:00,509 Hello? 637 00:53:01,678 --> 00:53:02,811 Hello? 638 00:53:02,813 --> 00:53:04,780 Fuck. 639 00:54:23,293 --> 00:54:25,261 Joshua. 640 00:54:35,038 --> 00:54:36,572 You all right? 641 00:54:36,574 --> 00:54:39,408 You've been out for a while. Can you sit up? 642 00:54:39,410 --> 00:54:41,944 I'm Detective McQuee. Here's my card. 643 00:54:41,946 --> 00:54:45,347 If the guy comes back, just give me a call. All right. 644 00:54:51,822 --> 00:54:53,155 Dad. 645 00:54:53,157 --> 00:54:56,225 What's going on? I'm at the hospital. 646 00:54:56,227 --> 00:54:58,060 Where's Mom? 647 00:54:58,062 --> 00:55:00,963 She's in the ICU. 648 00:55:00,965 --> 00:55:04,867 I thought you said she was getting better. We need to pray, Son. 649 00:55:04,869 --> 00:55:08,337 You said she getting better! She was. 650 00:55:08,339 --> 00:55:12,541 I don't know what happened, but she took a turn for the worse. 651 00:55:12,543 --> 00:55:15,678 How bad? She's in a coma. 652 00:55:16,680 --> 00:55:17,780 Fuck. 653 00:55:17,782 --> 00:55:20,983 Pray with me, Son. Will you stop with that? 654 00:55:20,985 --> 00:55:23,452 You're always praying for her. What has that ever gotten you? 655 00:55:23,454 --> 00:55:25,521 I'm scared. 656 00:55:25,523 --> 00:55:27,823 I know the feeling. 657 00:55:27,825 --> 00:55:31,694 Please. Pray with me, Son. 658 00:55:31,696 --> 00:55:33,962 I'm gonna hang up now, okay? 659 00:56:20,143 --> 00:56:22,978 "Devil I." 660 00:57:10,360 --> 00:57:11,627 Oh. 661 00:57:38,087 --> 00:57:39,087 Hey! 662 00:58:26,870 --> 00:58:30,305 I mean, that is the craziest shit that I've ever heard. 663 00:58:30,307 --> 00:58:33,942 I think you might want to lay off the computers for a while. 664 00:58:33,944 --> 00:58:36,612 I saw this guy following me. 665 00:58:36,614 --> 00:58:38,680 He was in my house. 666 00:58:38,682 --> 00:58:40,549 The same guy in my parent's house. 667 00:58:40,551 --> 00:58:44,486 A guy in a black trench coat teleported from your parents' house in Michigan... 668 00:58:44,488 --> 00:58:45,954 to your house through Skype? 669 00:58:45,956 --> 00:58:49,157 Teleporting? I'm fucking serious, dude. 670 00:58:49,159 --> 00:58:51,927 I mean, I don't know, man. Did you read the user agreement? 671 00:58:54,197 --> 00:58:56,031 What did I sign? 672 00:58:56,033 --> 00:58:57,799 I was just messing with you, man. 673 00:58:57,801 --> 00:59:00,168 No, it makes sense. No, it doesn't. 674 00:59:00,170 --> 00:59:03,138 You didn't sign your soul away on your iPhone, all right? 675 00:59:03,140 --> 00:59:08,043 I'm gonna break it down for you. Here we go-- Greta? She's out of your league. 676 00:59:08,045 --> 00:59:10,979 She's smart. She's older. She has money. 677 00:59:10,981 --> 00:59:12,714 She's fuckin' hot. 678 00:59:12,716 --> 00:59:14,950 I'm mean, she's probably, uh, just geeking it. 679 00:59:14,952 --> 00:59:16,952 And this UK web site thing, right? 680 00:59:16,954 --> 00:59:22,057 It's a start-up, so it's worth a billion dollars today and then tomorrow they're bankrupt. 681 00:59:22,059 --> 00:59:23,692 And your mom? Dude. 682 00:59:23,694 --> 00:59:26,662 I'm sorry to say this, but she's been terminal for almost a year now. 683 00:59:26,664 --> 00:59:30,832 I mean, you told be back then she'd be lucky to make it past three months. 684 00:59:30,834 --> 00:59:33,702 So, I don't know what this thing's doing to your head, 685 00:59:33,704 --> 00:59:36,638 but it's not responsible for what's happened in your life-- You are. 686 00:59:36,640 --> 00:59:39,341 This thing is real. 687 00:59:39,343 --> 00:59:42,578 Sometimes, I'm bangin', like, a really hot model. 688 00:59:42,580 --> 00:59:44,980 And it feels real. 689 00:59:44,982 --> 00:59:47,015 But then I'm, like, "Oh, shit." 690 00:59:47,017 --> 00:59:48,784 "I'm masturbating!" 691 00:59:48,786 --> 00:59:51,520 On the Internet, that's what you're doin'. 692 00:59:51,522 --> 00:59:53,322 You're masturbating, man. 693 00:59:53,324 --> 00:59:55,490 I don't need you for this. I'll do it on my own. 694 00:59:55,492 --> 00:59:57,092 No, you won't. Hey, hey, look. 695 00:59:57,094 --> 00:59:59,227 You're about to commit a very serious felony right now, all right? 696 00:59:59,229 --> 01:00:02,731 This isn't like, uh, stealing suits or giving kids candy. 697 01:00:02,733 --> 01:00:05,434 I think-- I think I have a better idea. 698 01:00:05,436 --> 01:00:07,169 There's a way we can do this cleanly. 699 01:00:07,171 --> 01:00:09,571 What do you know about kidnapping someone? 700 01:00:09,573 --> 01:00:12,207 Dude... I'm Filipino. 701 01:00:26,089 --> 01:00:29,458 Hey! Help me! Help me! Help me! 702 01:00:54,417 --> 01:00:56,385 Rejected? 703 01:00:56,387 --> 01:00:58,286 How's that possible? 704 01:00:59,789 --> 01:01:02,724 Hey! How are you? Oh, I'm so thirsty. 705 01:01:02,726 --> 01:01:05,193 Are you sure you don't want anything? It's totally on me. 706 01:01:05,195 --> 01:01:07,596 They have, like, the best chai latte. 707 01:01:07,598 --> 01:01:10,465 Um-- Mmm! Have you talked to Bobby Yen? 708 01:01:10,467 --> 01:01:14,503 I tried calling him to let him know we're done, but he's not answering. 709 01:01:14,505 --> 01:01:17,806 Anyway, I've never played a kidnapping victim before. 710 01:01:17,808 --> 01:01:20,008 Do you think I could get a copy of that for my reel? 711 01:01:20,010 --> 01:01:22,811 Or, you know, I could get it of YouTube as well. 712 01:01:22,813 --> 01:01:25,380 Are you all right? 713 01:01:25,382 --> 01:01:28,183 Josh? You can't fool it. 714 01:01:28,185 --> 01:01:31,787 Oh! Hey. Where are you guys? 715 01:01:31,789 --> 01:01:33,889 What's the matter? 716 01:01:34,791 --> 01:01:36,925 Oh, my God. 717 01:01:36,927 --> 01:01:39,494 Oh, my God! Where-- Where are you? 718 01:01:39,496 --> 01:01:41,296 Okay, okay. 719 01:01:41,298 --> 01:01:45,233 Bobby's been in an accident. I mean, he-- he's at the hospital, Josh. 720 01:01:51,574 --> 01:01:54,743 How many fucking pages is this thing? 721 01:02:24,207 --> 01:02:27,342 Josh. 722 01:02:46,462 --> 01:02:48,964 Josh. 723 01:02:49,599 --> 01:02:50,932 Mom? 724 01:03:06,082 --> 01:03:08,617 You... 725 01:03:08,619 --> 01:03:11,486 did this. 726 01:03:12,722 --> 01:03:16,158 Why? 727 01:04:16,385 --> 01:04:20,822 Hey, guys! It's Josh, from J-TECH. 728 01:04:20,824 --> 01:04:24,125 Got a great bunch of reviews for you to share-- 729 01:04:24,127 --> 01:04:26,127 me to share with you today. 730 01:04:26,129 --> 01:04:30,799 Uh, see a lot of you have unsubscribed from my vlog. 731 01:04:30,801 --> 01:04:33,168 I, uh-- I understand. It's okay. 732 01:04:33,170 --> 01:04:36,338 You're probably waiting for that new link to my new show that I promised you. 733 01:04:36,340 --> 01:04:40,242 Well... I decided to go in another direction. 734 01:04:40,244 --> 01:04:42,544 I didn't want to be a corporate sellout... 735 01:04:42,546 --> 01:04:46,214 and be selling somebody else's product, if you know what I mean. 736 01:04:46,216 --> 01:04:50,452 Anyway, the first app that we're gonna review today-- let me-- let me get my list real quick. 737 01:04:55,258 --> 01:04:56,625 Here we go. 738 01:04:57,960 --> 01:05:00,762 Here's the list, okay? 739 01:05:00,764 --> 01:05:06,134 The first app I'm gonna review is all about-- 740 01:05:08,304 --> 01:05:10,372 The first app that I-- 741 01:05:21,285 --> 01:05:22,550 Damn it! 742 01:05:22,552 --> 01:05:24,386 What now? 743 01:05:28,358 --> 01:05:30,959 - What? 744 01:05:33,630 --> 01:05:36,264 What? Hello, Josh. 745 01:05:36,266 --> 01:05:38,333 I'm sorry to disturb you. 746 01:05:38,335 --> 01:05:41,536 I was just wondering if you were able to pay your rent. 747 01:05:41,538 --> 01:05:44,773 Really? Is that why you gave me an eviction notice? 748 01:05:44,775 --> 01:05:49,644 I'm sorry about that, but it has been three months. 749 01:05:49,646 --> 01:05:53,381 I just need a little bit more time. 750 01:05:53,383 --> 01:05:56,918 I'll get it to you soon. I just got a new job working online. 751 01:05:56,920 --> 01:05:59,888 Online? Josh. 752 01:05:59,890 --> 01:06:05,560 I have a lot of people who are ready to pay some real money for this house. 753 01:06:06,662 --> 01:06:08,730 It's always about the money, isn't it? 754 01:06:08,732 --> 01:06:11,132 Oh, I know things have been hard on you... 755 01:06:11,134 --> 01:06:13,468 since you broke up with your girlfriend. 756 01:06:13,470 --> 01:06:17,706 She was such a nice girl. It's too bad. 757 01:06:17,708 --> 01:06:19,641 Josh! 758 01:06:19,643 --> 01:06:23,211 I didn't know you graduated from Stanford. 759 01:06:23,213 --> 01:06:26,748 Oh, your parents must be so proud of you. 760 01:06:26,750 --> 01:06:29,084 Wow. 761 01:06:29,086 --> 01:06:33,088 Even though things haven't exactly panned out for you. 762 01:06:33,090 --> 01:06:37,192 By the way, how is your mother? 763 01:06:37,194 --> 01:06:39,561 Is she still dying? 764 01:06:39,563 --> 01:06:42,330 - What are you-- Josh! 765 01:08:31,941 --> 01:08:33,908 Josh? Shit! 766 01:08:33,910 --> 01:08:35,844 You scared the hell out of me. 767 01:08:35,846 --> 01:08:40,748 You too. What's going on? What's that sound? 768 01:08:40,750 --> 01:08:44,919 Um... I got a dog. 769 01:08:44,921 --> 01:08:47,021 You got a dog? 770 01:08:47,023 --> 01:08:49,190 Yes, I got a dog. 771 01:08:49,192 --> 01:08:51,726 I always wanted to get a dog. You never let me. 772 01:08:53,028 --> 01:08:54,529 Yeah? 773 01:08:56,832 --> 01:08:59,234 Well, I didn't feel like livin' with two bitches. 774 01:08:59,236 --> 01:09:01,269 You don't have to be mean about it. 775 01:09:01,271 --> 01:09:05,039 What do you mean "mean," do you mean like bring other guys in our bed? 776 01:09:05,041 --> 01:09:07,775 Guy. Not guys. Huge difference for me. 777 01:09:07,777 --> 01:09:12,213 And besides, I always told you I was on the fence about us. 778 01:09:12,215 --> 01:09:13,748 Well, you're outside the fence now. 779 01:09:13,750 --> 01:09:16,050 So you can just go. How'd you even get in here? 780 01:09:16,052 --> 01:09:19,120 I still have a key. I told you I was coming to get my last box. 781 01:09:19,122 --> 01:09:22,323 All right, there it is. Take it. 782 01:09:25,961 --> 01:09:27,162 Josh? 783 01:09:27,164 --> 01:09:29,030 What? I'm very busy right now. 784 01:09:29,032 --> 01:09:33,168 I just wanted to apologize for the way I treated you. Good. 785 01:09:33,170 --> 01:09:34,736 Hope you feel better about yourself now. 786 01:09:34,738 --> 01:09:37,906 I should have never left the way I did. I'm glad you did. 787 01:09:38,974 --> 01:09:40,642 Don't miss me? 788 01:09:40,644 --> 01:09:43,278 Even a little bit? This is nuts! 789 01:09:43,280 --> 01:09:45,380 Why are you so angry? 790 01:09:45,382 --> 01:09:48,716 Because you cheated, lied, stole and dumped me like a piece of shit... 791 01:09:48,718 --> 01:09:50,718 when there was nothing left to take. 792 01:09:50,720 --> 01:09:54,489 Now take your box and get the fuck out! 793 01:09:57,359 --> 01:09:58,993 What happened to you, Josh? 794 01:09:58,995 --> 01:10:03,898 Why? 'Cause I'm not getting used and pushed around by you anymore? 795 01:10:03,900 --> 01:10:05,733 Good. 796 01:10:05,735 --> 01:10:07,802 I love you. 797 01:10:26,056 --> 01:10:30,692 Why can't she just get it through her head to move on-- 798 01:10:32,494 --> 01:10:33,695 Greta. 799 01:10:35,264 --> 01:10:36,898 Jesus. What happened? 800 01:10:36,900 --> 01:10:38,566 I'm so sorry. 801 01:10:38,568 --> 01:10:41,236 I feel horrible about the way I treated you. 802 01:10:42,238 --> 01:10:44,372 When it rains, it pours. 803 01:10:44,374 --> 01:10:46,140 I know it's stupid to cry like this. 804 01:10:46,142 --> 01:10:48,309 No. I didn't mean it like that. 805 01:10:49,545 --> 01:10:52,513 I just didn't expect things to go so far between us. 806 01:10:52,515 --> 01:10:54,015 What? 807 01:10:54,017 --> 01:10:57,418 I think I really fell for you 'cause I got scared too, and then-- 808 01:10:57,420 --> 01:11:00,288 I'm just gonna go. Wait. 809 01:11:00,290 --> 01:11:02,890 And I know it doesn't mean anything anymore, but... 810 01:11:04,960 --> 01:11:06,494 I didn't sleep with him. 811 01:11:06,496 --> 01:11:09,464 Josh... 812 01:11:09,466 --> 01:11:11,799 any girl would be lucky to be with you. 813 01:11:27,616 --> 01:11:29,050 Yeah. 814 01:11:29,052 --> 01:11:31,319 I've been expecting your call. 815 01:11:31,321 --> 01:11:33,388 So, thank you guys so much for watching! 816 01:11:33,390 --> 01:11:38,826 This has been J-TECH. Signing off for Tekker TV. Peace out. 817 01:11:38,828 --> 01:11:41,296 Did I tell you or did I tell you? 818 01:11:41,298 --> 01:11:43,498 I mean, look at that face. 819 01:11:43,500 --> 01:11:45,900 Is that not the face of technology? 820 01:11:47,269 --> 01:11:48,836 Of the future? 821 01:11:48,838 --> 01:11:52,340 You can trust this face. I know I do. 822 01:11:52,342 --> 01:11:53,775 It's great. 823 01:11:56,145 --> 01:11:57,512 Beautiful face. 824 01:12:51,334 --> 01:12:52,867 Help! Shut up! 825 01:12:52,869 --> 01:12:55,870 Just get away from me! 826 01:12:55,872 --> 01:12:58,506 Help! Help! Help! 827 01:12:58,508 --> 01:13:00,274 Shut up! 828 01:13:25,067 --> 01:13:27,368 Is Mom better? 829 01:13:27,370 --> 01:13:29,637 How did you know? 830 01:13:31,140 --> 01:13:32,974 I just had a feeling. 831 01:13:32,976 --> 01:13:35,476 Someone here wants to talk to you. 832 01:13:40,783 --> 01:13:42,817 Hi, baby. 833 01:13:44,253 --> 01:13:46,320 It's okay. Mom's okay. 834 01:13:46,322 --> 01:13:49,557 The doctors say they think I'm gonna be just fine. 835 01:13:51,527 --> 01:13:53,528 It's the darndest thing, isn't it? 836 01:13:53,530 --> 01:13:56,731 I love you, Mom. 837 01:13:56,733 --> 01:13:59,467 I love you too, sweetheart. 838 01:13:59,469 --> 01:14:03,504 I'm gonna visit really soon. I'm sorry I haven't been there for you. 839 01:14:03,506 --> 01:14:06,974 Don't you worry about me. You just take care of yourself. 840 01:14:06,976 --> 01:14:10,511 I know I'm in your prayers. 841 01:14:11,146 --> 01:14:13,514 I love you. 842 01:14:17,152 --> 01:14:19,086 I'll be right back. 843 01:14:24,693 --> 01:14:26,961 Thank the Lord. 844 01:14:31,935 --> 01:14:34,368 I won't lie to you. She's in a lot of pain. 845 01:14:34,370 --> 01:14:39,207 But they say that she's gonna live. 846 01:14:39,209 --> 01:14:43,744 I tell you, we have a guardian angel looking over this family, Josh. 847 01:14:43,746 --> 01:14:46,881 How else can you explain it. 848 01:14:46,883 --> 01:14:49,917 Thank the Lord. Blessed be thy name. 849 01:14:51,820 --> 01:14:55,957 Dad, Mom is standing behind you. 850 01:14:55,959 --> 01:14:57,925 What are you talking about? 851 01:16:24,780 --> 01:16:27,682 I have to do it again. 852 01:17:05,521 --> 01:17:09,190 Josh? It's Greta. 853 01:17:14,863 --> 01:17:17,665 I know you're in there. 854 01:17:32,014 --> 01:17:33,881 I missed you. 855 01:17:39,421 --> 01:17:41,989 I have a surprise for you. 856 01:20:05,233 --> 01:20:07,368 Is Mom better? 857 01:20:07,370 --> 01:20:09,436 How did you know? 858 01:20:10,472 --> 01:20:12,273 I just have a feeling. 859 01:20:12,275 --> 01:20:15,442 Someone here wants to talk to you. 860 01:20:17,913 --> 01:20:19,880 Hi, baby. 861 01:20:20,749 --> 01:20:23,150 Oh, it's okay, honey. 862 01:20:23,152 --> 01:20:25,920 The doctors say they think I'm gonna be just fine. 863 01:20:25,922 --> 01:20:29,290 It's the darnedest thing, isn't it? 864 01:20:29,292 --> 01:20:30,958 I love you, Mom. 865 01:20:30,960 --> 01:20:33,627 I love you too, sweetheart. 866 01:20:33,629 --> 01:20:36,897 I'm gonna visit really soon. I'm sorry I haven't been there. 867 01:20:36,899 --> 01:20:40,000 No, don't you worry about me. 868 01:20:40,002 --> 01:20:42,469 You take care of yourself, okay? 869 01:20:42,471 --> 01:20:45,472 I love you. 870 01:20:47,843 --> 01:20:49,343 I'll be right back. 871 01:20:55,383 --> 01:20:57,518 Thank the Lord! 872 01:20:57,520 --> 01:21:00,821 Dad, listen to me. 873 01:21:00,823 --> 01:21:02,890 They say she's gonna live. 874 01:21:02,892 --> 01:21:06,393 We have a guardian angel looking after this family, Son. 875 01:21:06,395 --> 01:21:09,063 How else can you explain it. 876 01:21:09,065 --> 01:21:12,600 Thank the Lord. Oh, blessed be thy name. 877 01:21:12,602 --> 01:21:14,768 She's standing right behind you! 878 01:21:14,770 --> 01:21:17,137 She's gonna stab you with a knife! 879 01:21:18,240 --> 01:21:20,074 Dad, she's gonna stab you! Watch out! 880 01:21:23,144 --> 01:21:25,112 What are you talking about? 881 01:21:25,981 --> 01:21:28,249 I feel so much better. 882 01:21:30,051 --> 01:21:34,889 You look really tired. I think you need to get some rest. 883 01:21:43,900 --> 01:21:46,433 Josh. 884 01:21:46,435 --> 01:21:47,668 It's Greta. 885 01:21:47,670 --> 01:21:49,303 Go away! 886 01:21:49,305 --> 01:21:52,439 Leave me alone! 887 01:21:52,441 --> 01:21:54,608 I know you're in there. 888 01:22:21,636 --> 01:22:24,171 Detective McQuee. 889 01:22:24,173 --> 01:22:26,407 Hello? 890 01:22:26,409 --> 01:22:28,375 Hello? 891 01:22:28,377 --> 01:22:30,144 Who's there? 892 01:22:30,146 --> 01:22:32,746 Can you hear me? 893 01:22:32,748 --> 01:22:35,883 Look, if you've got an emergency, you gotta call 911, all right? 894 01:22:35,885 --> 01:22:37,418 Hello? 895 01:22:38,787 --> 01:22:40,187 Hello? 896 01:25:48,610 --> 01:25:53,113 "'Tis a common proof that lowliness is young ambition's ladder, 897 01:25:53,115 --> 01:25:56,049 where to the climber upward turns his face. 898 01:25:56,051 --> 01:26:01,655 But when reaches the upmost round unto the ladder, he turns his back, 899 01:26:01,657 --> 01:26:06,493 looks to the sky, scorning the base degrees by which he did ascend." 900 01:26:08,263 --> 01:26:09,730 Hello, Joshua. 901 01:26:09,732 --> 01:26:12,966 What is this? Who are you? What do you want from me? 902 01:26:12,968 --> 01:26:17,137 If memory serves me right, it was you who came looking for me. 903 01:26:17,139 --> 01:26:20,407 You needed help with a young lady-- Greta. 904 01:26:20,409 --> 01:26:23,210 Holy shit. The app. 905 01:26:23,212 --> 01:26:25,812 i-Lived. Are you the developer? 906 01:26:25,814 --> 01:26:28,782 In a sense. Are you unsatisfied with the product? 907 01:26:29,884 --> 01:26:31,685 How does it work? 908 01:26:31,687 --> 01:26:35,756 Like all apps. A series of equations, fractions, numbers. 909 01:26:35,758 --> 01:26:39,626 An algorithm designed to solve a specific problem, fulfill a need. 910 01:26:39,628 --> 01:26:42,429 That's the definition of technology. 911 01:26:44,098 --> 01:26:47,234 From fire to the wheel to the Internet-- 912 01:26:47,236 --> 01:26:50,270 technology's made the world a better place for you, has it not? 913 01:26:50,272 --> 01:26:53,373 This is different. It's like it knows me. 914 01:26:53,375 --> 01:26:58,245 It knows you, Josh, because you've uploaded everything about yourself. 915 01:26:58,247 --> 01:27:00,814 Likes, dislikes, fears, 916 01:27:00,816 --> 01:27:03,550 hopes, photos, videos, 917 01:27:03,552 --> 01:27:05,819 intimate thoughts and desires. 918 01:27:05,821 --> 01:27:07,788 I want it to stop. 919 01:27:07,790 --> 01:27:10,324 Stop? Why would you want it to stop? 920 01:27:10,326 --> 01:27:13,827 Hasn't it given you everything you've asked for, everything you've wanted? 921 01:27:15,997 --> 01:27:17,564 It's hurting people. 922 01:27:17,566 --> 01:27:22,302 People hurt people, Josh. This-- This is helping people. 923 01:27:23,204 --> 01:27:25,939 By killing someone? Everybody dies. 924 01:27:25,941 --> 01:27:30,611 It's a means to an end. We're just... helping them along. 925 01:27:30,613 --> 01:27:33,480 It wants too much. Everything is changing. 926 01:27:33,482 --> 01:27:35,549 Everything's always changing. 927 01:27:35,551 --> 01:27:37,951 It's the serpent shedding its skin. 928 01:27:37,953 --> 01:27:40,387 It's Eve giving Adam the apple. 929 01:27:40,389 --> 01:27:42,623 It's been with you since the beginning of time. 930 01:27:42,625 --> 01:27:44,591 Apple? 931 01:27:44,593 --> 01:27:47,794 That's right. You think you can take it on? 932 01:27:47,796 --> 01:27:52,065 It's too late. We're in business together, and the numbers are climbing. 933 01:27:52,067 --> 01:27:54,334 I never asked for this. 934 01:27:54,336 --> 01:27:56,436 This is exactly what you asked for. 935 01:27:56,438 --> 01:28:00,540 - I want out. - I wish I could help. 936 01:28:00,542 --> 01:28:04,011 You signed a contract. You made a deal. 937 01:28:05,280 --> 01:28:06,847 I never read it. 938 01:28:08,016 --> 01:28:09,783 They never do. 939 01:28:10,852 --> 01:28:13,453 I want out. 940 01:28:13,455 --> 01:28:19,059 Josh, let me remind you of all of that amazing footage of you and Miss Lee in the garage. 941 01:28:20,161 --> 01:28:23,363 Torture, kidnapping, electricity. 942 01:28:23,365 --> 01:28:25,899 Oh, that-- that was good. 943 01:28:25,901 --> 01:28:28,035 I own you. 944 01:28:28,037 --> 01:28:34,374 i-Lived is 300 million strong because of your glowing endorsement. 945 01:28:34,376 --> 01:28:37,311 You work for me now. 946 01:28:37,313 --> 01:28:43,083 Josh, you're so close. 947 01:28:43,085 --> 01:28:46,286 Be the man you're destined to be. 948 01:28:46,288 --> 01:28:48,055 Take it, 949 01:28:49,424 --> 01:28:53,527 or... your life ends now. 950 01:29:17,452 --> 01:29:19,953 I'm not sorry for this. 951 01:29:24,692 --> 01:29:28,528 I have no feelings for you. 952 01:29:32,233 --> 01:29:34,534 I have no remorse. 953 01:29:46,714 --> 01:29:48,815 No guilt. 954 01:29:56,057 --> 01:29:58,959 No! No!