I know, I'm not what you expected.
Honestly, I'm not what I expected, either.
Or, what my mother expected.
You could say I'm unexpected all around.
I install shower doors, glass ones.
On the side, I paint pets.
Not paint the pets, I do portraits of pets.
You're thinking, wait a minute,
shower doors, probably means he gets a lot of
lonely housewives comin' on to him.
Me being average-looking, but with a friendly manner,
and an optimistic outlook on life, and I could say, yes!
It happens sometimes.
Or at least once, with a good lookin' lady, that is.
Happened another time, but I'd rather not think about that.
Anyway, I was finishing the installation, when she walked in.
Contrary to popular belief...
Beg your pardon?
...kittens love taking showers.
Contrary to popular belief.
Yeah?
Do you mind if i try out the shower?
And make sure it doesn't have a leak?
Oh, the shower's not gonna leak.
Well, my work is guaranteed.
- Oh. - Oh.
Yes. Oh.
I hate awkward silences.
I know what you mean.
You, are a very difficult man to read, Eugene.
- Am I? - Because "oh" can mean several things,
it could be an encouraging, "ohhh."
Or it could be, "oh, I play for the opposite team."
- Is that what you think? - I hope not.
Oh, what about your husband?
I... I don't wanna talk about him.
Well, he's not gonna walk in now while you're taking a shower?
No, no, lately he comes home late, if he comes home at all.
It's a heavy workload at work, he says.
She was a little redundant, I noticed that right away,
but I don't mind that in a woman.
You know?
I know, times are tough.
Do you wanna keep talking about him,
or, do you wanna, watch me take a shower?
As you can probably imagine, I had 200 percent
of zero interest in talking about her husband,
I just wanted to make sure it wasn't some kind of
kinky rouse, where he was gonna come bustin' in
with a baseball bat, and I end up gagging in some cellar!
I'd rather watch you take a shower.
Great!
I've never showered in front of someone else.
Well, I could turn around.
You're a real gentleman, aren't you?
Well...
I was raised by a single mom,
so she made sure i respected women.
It's, it's not easy for you guys with us callin' the shots,
or thinking we do, anyway, and you know,
all we do is mess things up.
All you guys want is a little attention,
somebody that holds your hand during dinner,
and listens, and you know,
says thank you, and tells you your hair looks nice.
I knew the holding hands bit was overkill,
least I didn't offer to give her a massage.
The damage was done.
She was drop-dead gorgeous, all that oxygen,
pumping in and out of her lungs.
I didn't ask for this, you know?
The first weekend we got together,
he took me on a trip to cabo, and I found out later
he had conned his way into getting an upgrade
using someone else's name, which, at the time,
I thought was reckless, and cute, and...
Maybe it was the heat, or the ceviche that went to my head,
but somehow I had 19 orgasms.
From eating ceviche?
With him, in the room.
And I just thought, holy moly, you know?
- This is the one! - I guess.
'Cause he knows how to make me feel,
how to listen to my body!
Yeah, I think there are a lotta guys
who can listen to your body!
You're sweet.
Oh, no, I mean, your body, really,
you know, speaks loud and clear.
Do you, do you think I'm vulgar?
No, no, I don't, no, not at all,
I think, I think you're articulate,
physically, is what I'm saying.
You think I'm fat!
My mother has gotten so fat!
No, no, you're not at all fat.
Let's talk about what you were talking about before, about--
no, I don't wanna talk about him.
Me either, no, words just get in the way of emotions.
- Yeah. - Yes, yeah.
But somehow I feel like I can really talk to you.
And so she talked. - Don't ask me why, I'm just--
and talked. I knew I was in trouble when I noticed
my right leg was asleep, and I started wondering
how late I was gonna be for my next appointment.
It was clear this woman was in no emotional state
to to throw herself at me.
Plus, the 19 orgasms given to her by her husband
were loomin' over me like a monster!
And that Russian tramp had hypnotized him,
and he had blown all of the missing cash on her!
- How many days? - Excuse me?
How many days were you in cabo?
- Two... why? - No reason.
Ohh, listen to me!
Saying I don't wanna talk about him, and then going on,
and on, and on about him, you must think I am such a mess!
- No... - Yes, you do!
- No, I don't. - 'Cause what I want...
Check that, no, no, no,
what I need, I need for you to ravage me,
can you do that for me?
Even if I look like I'm not enjoying myself,
can you just, can you have your way with me,
like some sort of savage?
It's okay, it's okay.
It's okay.
I love him so much!
Yeah, we shouldn't do this.
He's a great guy, you would get along,
you would like each other!
I'm sure we would love each other.
I am the worst person in the world!
I have no right to drag you into this, I'm so sorry!
So anyway, that happens once in awhile,
but for the most part, shower door installation
is not consonant with seduction.
Which makes the tale I'm about to tell you all the more peculiar.
Oh!
I didn't know you had company.
- Who? - I don't know, I'm sevilla.
Oh. Eugene Portland, at your service.
Is that your dog?
Uh, no, that's a painting i was commissioned by a lady and...
Can I help you?
This is not room 43.
No, it's room 34.
I have a condition.
- What kind of condition? - A dyslexic condition.
I'm sorry to bother you, I'm late for an appointment.
It's no bother at all, come back anytime!
Before I can tell you about sevilla's story,
I gotta tell you about Felix.
He's the real protagonist of this tale,
even if he's not gonna make it through the night.
Main thing you gotta know, he was a great detective.
He didn't think he was a hot potato, he just was.
But then he fell for the wrong kind of dame.
Who doesn't?
And he borrowed, no, scratch that,
stole some money, in order to get away with her,
to live happily ever after.
He planned the whole thing perfectly.
Outwitted his opponents, misdirected like a magician,
switched the bag, lost the tail, and waited for her.
Sorry.
I thought you were someone else.
Hm... I read this book once...
...that book is outta print,
time passed too fast before you saw her,
then it stopped short, short on a dime.
Excuse me?
- Not you buddy. - What's that supposed to mean?
I'm not lookin' at you, I'm lookin' at her.
Well, that's what it looks like.
Then we're in agreement.
Yeah, well I don't like you lookin' at her.
Why do I care what you like?
'Cause it's my girlfriend,
and I don't like you lookin' at her.
She's a singer, everyone's lookin' at her.
Not the way you're lookin' at her.
No, you're thinking dirty thoughts about her.
Actually, I wasn't.
- Vince, stop it! - Baby, I'm handling this.
Just leave him alone!
You said this wasn't gonna happen again tonight.
I warned you not to serve him. Leave the man alone!
I'm sorry, mister.
You probably like the way he's lookin' at you, you sick twist.
Oh, drop dead!
Will ya just let me talk to you?
If you don't finish your set tonight,
you're gonna have to play an extra 15 minutes tomorrow.
You need to leave, now, please.
I miss you so much baby, please, just let me talk to you.
I have no interest whatsoever in talking to you, or in hearing you talk, ever!
- Look, I'm crazy about you. - You are crazy, period, let go!
Where would you be without me, baby, where?
You're about to find out again!
- Sorry about that. - I'll live.
Miss click, you signed the contract specifying two full sets.
What part of I'm in the middle of something here, do you not understand?
Management doesn't take these things lightly.
Oh, I shudder, I quake! And I quit!
Oh, come on, baby! Come, come back!
Oh, you all right there, friend?
You should probably get home and sleep it off, huh?
Please, mister, don't tell anyone about this!
I only shut my eyes for five minutes,
but I meant no harm, honestly,
and if the management finds out that I fell asleep
in a clients room again, that's it, I'm out on the street!
I've been working double shifts, plus school,
so I haven't been getting much sleep,
last time they said I was a thief
because the woman in the room dropped her earring
down the drain, and the time before that
they implied that I was soliciting sexual favors,
which the management frowns upon,
not the soliciting so much
as the not cutting them in on the profits,
so I yelled at them and told them
who the hell do they think I am?
Just because I fell asleep on them man's bed
doesn't' mean i slept with the man!
I don't think you're a thief.
- Really? - Really.
Well, that's very perceptive of you, because I'm not.
I swear on the virgin of Guadalupe,
you probably don't know who that is,
but she means the world to me.
However, I did manage to notice
you had a superhero costume in your suitcase, so I hung it,
so it wouldn't wrinkle.
That's tilt-a-whirl's outfit, isn't it?
She's my favorite.
Not that I have time to waste to go to the pictures,
but my little sister's obsessed,
so she relays all the stories to me.
Where did you get it?
A friend of mine works in one of the studios.
It's an exact replica of the one in the pictures.
Holy Toledo, that is really neat!
In any case, I best get back to work so I don't lose my job!
Would you like to keep it?
Oh, I need it, I have to pay for my sister's school,
and I'm the only one she has.
No, I mean the costume.
What do you mean?
The person I got it for doesn't need it anymore.
- Would you like it? - Really?
- What's your angle? - What angle?
Are you a costume salesman? Because I don't have any money.
- You're in luck, I'm not. - Then what's your angle?
In my life so far, nobody ever gave me something
when they weren't expecting something back.
Not that they gave me very much, mind you,
but I give a lot back, you could say that's my problem,
I give too much with too little, but that sounds dirty.
I mean emotionally.
If I tell you something,
you promise not to take it the wrong way?
- I talk too much? - Bingo.
Only around smart people. It's a complex.
Well, rest assured I'm not smart.
You're just saying that.
Who you gonna believe?
Maybe not smart, but a shade less dumb than the others.
I'm sevilla, like the Spanish city.
Felix, like, Felix.
So, you sure I can keep it?
Keep it, don't keep it, suit yourself.
I'll come back after I finish my rounds
and model it for you.
That was quick.
- Hi. - Hi.
Mind if I come in? I hate drinkin' alone.
Come in.
I wanted to thank you for earlier.
I didn't do anything.
You got the show stopped, that's more than most.
Hey, that was a good show.
If you like wakes.
Where's your friend?
Oh, friendship's got nothing to do with it.
Very tiresome fellow, if you don't mind my saying.
I don't mind.
Funny, meeting somebody nice on a night like this.
I wouldn't go that far.
I once stole a crutch from a cripple.
- Somebody modest then. - Realistic, maybe.
I'm sick of realism.
Hope I haven't disappointed you.
I don't disappoint that easily, years of practice.
Don't go changing your habits on my account.
- Tell me. - What?
The primary reason you're here?
At the show, this room, tonight.
You first.
Just passing through, three night engagement,
didn't you read the sign?
Up 'til then?
You know the drill, i had dreams.
What kind of dreams?
The kind that have been tried, and found wanting.
Such as?
Trade on my natural charm, and talent,
and become a big singer,
then maybe graduate to pictures,
and who knows, when I get old and dapper,
I'll open a restaurant.
- A little bistro or a bar. - On the beach.
Sure, I like the beach.
Who doesn't?
My ex-husband.
Didn't like the beach?
Didn't like getting sand in his shoes.
And still you married him.
Had to get out of Monroe city, Indiana somehow.
- He had car? - He had a truck.
- Are you a cop? - Why?
- You ask questions like a cop. - How's that?
Like you're not really interested in the answer,
but the way I answer.
- I'm a cop. - No kidding.
You on a stakeout?
I was gonna hop a train.
- Changed your mind? - Missed my train.
- When's the next one? - 7 am.
- My bus leaves at six. - Where to?
Away.
So you missed your train, checked into the closest hotel,
not realizing you might meet the woman of your dreams.
Woman of my dreams stood me up.
Penny drops, bad girl.
You don't know the half of it.
How'd you meet the woman of your dreams?
Why you wanna know?
Fundamentally curious person.
Undercover bust.
Thought that just happened in pictures, cops falling for robbers.
She wasn't a robber, just an accessory.
Guy like you needs a woman who can
be more than just an accessory.
A guy like me, what's that supposed to mean?
First tell me about her.
Leave it, ladies. You can stay.
You're Swedish Mary, aren't you?
Excuse me?
Make this easy on yourself,
we've got hours of tape conversations
where he talks about you.
Our record has nicknamed you hm, high maintenance.
I'm not the person you think.
You're not Swedish Mary?
No.
- I'm Italian. - Italian?
Si, from Milano.
What's your name?
Rosa.
I should write this down. Rosa what?
- Rosa magnoni. - And you're Italian?
Yes, why?
Because your accent ain't so hot.
Ain't so hot, i non capisci.
- Sounds funny. - Funny?
- Funny. - I think your accent sounds funny.
- I don't have an accent. - Everybody has an accent.
- What it is, your name? - That's not important.
How long have you known Otto?
In one way it's like we always known each other.
- And in another way? - Six months.
Want a cigarette?
- You his mistress? - Just a friend.
The kind of friend that likes to do errands for him, am I right, Mary?
What do you mean?
Drop things off, pick things up?
Like his dry cleaning? I do not like your insinuation.
- I don't like your accent. - This is your problem.
I thought you said your name was Rosa.
I know what I said.
You didn't flinch when i just called you Mary.
I know what you are trying to do, it won't work.
- Did Otto give you gifts? - I do not remember.
- Jewelry, diamonds? - I want a lawyer.
Then get one, the state is full of 'em.
No, I mean I want a lawyer now, here, to answer your questions.
You're not charged with anything, we're just having a chat.
Oh, you think you're so tough with your big gun, don't you?
I do.
Why are you smiling?
The only good thing about this moment
is I'm sure that as long as I live,
I'll never feel this lonely again.
Am I free to go now?
Took me by surprise.
I loved that she dropped the accent to say it.
Whole thing just, clicked.
And I decided then that I liked Swedish Mary.
Now Patience is an overrated virtue, but I waited,
and then I pounced.
Took me only one year.
- Have we met before? - I think I'd remember.
Otto had kept all the loot in tact.
Except for one, harmless little diamond.
Mmmm.
I guess he couldn't resist.
Who could blame him?
Sometimes I hate my job, you know?
What job?
Mary...
We've been tailing Otto and his crew for three years.
I've gotta close this case.
What are you talking about?
Sorry.
I thought you liked her.
More than liked her.
Love? You don't say.
It wasn't love yet, something nearly identical.
But still, you busted her.
No, I gave her an out.
You had her turn against Otto.
Well, they call it between a rock and hard place for a reason.
- I don't like snitches. - It's an ugly word.
An ugly job.
You sound like you're talking from experience.
- Your husband downstairs? - Who, Vance?
He's not my husband.
Oh, I thought you said you were married.
I got married at 16 to a traveling salesman.
What kind of salesman?
A nice boring one who talked a lot.
What did he sell?
What's the difference, the point is,
a young wife gets left alone at home
all day in the big city, she's bound to get restless.
And that's how I met Vance.
Before he was a victim of the Santa Ana race track,
he was a jazz guitarist, a good one, too.
He offered you private lessons?
- Told him I was married. - What'd he say?
He said many great guitar players are married.
Vance's gambling took its toll pretty damn fast.
Next thing I knew, I was a... What did you call it?
An accessory.
She all right?
What kind of question is that?
The kind that keeps you out of jail.
Two.
She'll kept her mouth shut, just leave her out of it.
I got a different idea.
Yeah? Since when do you have ideas?
I think we should use her as the decoy.
I mean there's so sense in cutting in another
piece of ass if we've got her around.
Who gave you permission to talk about her ass?
- What would I have to do? - Stay outta this!
Don't talk to me like that.
I'll talk to you however i wanna talk to you.
In front of your friends, you mean?
Why'd you put up with it?
I don't know.
Guess I can think of a couple reasons.
But when his partners got pinched after the job,
I lost all respect for the creep.
- Bad day. - Bad day?
- It was a roll of the dice. - Why not you?
'Cause I had my lucky charm! You!
I saw you at that payphone, Vance.
- You got it all wrong, baby. - Do I?
All right now, look, if you wanna split,
you wanna say we're history, that's fine,
but don't go runnin' your mouth
about stuff you know nothing about.
That can make my life pretty messy.
Your life is a mess, you can't pin that on me.
- Yeah, well I'm warning you. - You're threatening me!
- You call it what you like. - I don't like being threatened.
You're a coward, and a cheat.
Well, I love you.
You don't love anybody.
Baby, I wanna make you a star, all right?
I have the money now, i can take you all the way.
- Get outta my sight. - Or what?
Or I'll throw this vase at your head.
- Then I'll duck! - Not quick enough!
Anyway, he ended up in the hospital with 30 stitches.
How'd you manage such perfect aim?
Captain of my high school softball team, all star.
I can almost see it now. Then what?
I skipped town, traveled the country a couple times,
the pursuit of happiness and all that.
I pursued it everywhere with other guys,
even with a nice lady tennis player once.
Didn't take. Kept singing.
Some crackpot idea.
Turns out, I'm not the world's greatest singer.
Sounded good to me.
So you mind if i ask you a question?
Is it about the nice lady tennis player?
It caught my attention, i won't lie.
She was the wife of a club owner,
couldn't believe a modern girl such as myself had never played.
Played what?
Tennis, detective.
She offered to teach me.
More private lessons, like the guitar player.
I can see how you'd make that leap.
You don't get all your facts,
you just hear bits of someone's life story,
you maybe take me for a person
who gets lots of offers for private lessons.
I never met anyone with said proclivity before.
I never met a detective who said proclivity before.
So what happened?
You had a few private lessons, and then what?
Decided you didn't like the game?
Call me old-fashioned.
But it wasn't just that.
The lady tennis player was complicated.
Well, the lady tennis player was all right,
- the problem was-- - let me guess, her husband.
- What makes you say this? - My job description.
- What is? - Intuition.
Ten bucks says he liked watching the lessons.
No, that wasn't the problem.
He was a club owner who once a month performed in his own club.
He had a famous act called--
the concubines of the cunning kalibanos.
I woke up alone in a room.
No idea how long I'd been there.
But shortly after, the three concubines came in and began to undress me.
I tried to fight back, but they were expert ticklers.
Ticklers?
I know how it sounds, but they were vicious,
I was powerless.
Ticklers?
They undressed me,
and then he waltzed in, still in costume.
They held me down, and caressed me.
I have never been caressed like that before.
And then...
And then?
I fell into a deep sleep.
The next morning I woke up in my hotel room,
still naked, no sign of my clothes anywhere.
I found out later I had slept for two whole days.
Or, at least I couldn't account for two whole days.
Like time just vanished into the ether.
Who is it?
Maureen came to see me.
Who's Maureen?
- The lady tennis player. - Not Maureen Chapman?
Associative press female tennis player of the year?
- Three years straight. - Her husband was murdered!
I read about that, it was a big deal, Philadelphia, right?
Didn't realize you follow tennis, might not have told you this part.
Do you know what actually happened?
All I know is, she came to tell me.
- Hector is dead. - Who is Hector?
The cunning kalibanos, my husband.
He might have been killed.
- When? How? - I don't know.
It's a tragedy.
You should probably leave town.
All right. If you think that's for the best.
You can wear this.
Maureen?
I'm sorry.
She paid my bill and gave me a train ticket.
I never did find out what happened to her husband.
They had to drag the lake to find it,
boating accident the report said.
What do you think?
- About what? - Was it an accident?
Time slows down before an accident, you know?
My last 10 years were pretty slow.
Coming back here was the accident.
- What's in the briefcase? - Money.
- I don't believe you. - I can't help what you believe.
A lot of money?
Enough to make your dreams come true.
Why would you tell me just like that?
I'm not worried about you.
I don't know if i should be offended or not,
whose money is it?
- Who says it's not mine? - Intuition.
- It's a long story. - It's a long night.
I'll tell you what, what do you say,
we get a refill downstairs?
I'm not too popular down there, remember?
Let's see if we can't do something about that.
What about the money?
Don't worry, no one's gonna take it
without making sure i know all about it.
We're closed.
- Official business. - What'd she do?
- That's the official part. - Oh, real smart guy.
I don't care who you are, i don't have to keep the place open for you.
Fix us a couple of sandwiches, will you?
What do I look like to you?
Like a barman who knows how to fix a sandwich.
Come on, I know it's been a quiet night,
let me make it work your while.
Fix yourself one, and a beer.
Hope you like grilled cheese.
My favorite.
My partner Jim, and I, were put on Mary detail.
Funny choice of words in retrospect.
What took you so long?
I had to stop for gas, what's the news here?
She watched some TV, now she's taking a bath.
- Okay. - I had a thought.
End of days, news at 11.
- Hypothetically. - Yeah.
- You meet a young lady. - Yeah?
- She's adventurous. - You mean, like, Betty?
Keep Betty outta this.
Well, I keep hearing her talkin' through you, Jim.
Different sort of adventures.
I thought you liked all that camping and mountain climbing,
and everything you're doing.
- What? - Nothing.
She's singing.
Is that in Spanish?
What I'm driving at is this,
all men agree on one thing, and that is,
that man needs variety.
No, no, I agree with that.
This is a deeply flawed argument.
This the way Betty taught you the story?
See?
Glass half-full mentality right there.
The way I see it, if you could get action every day,
that's the win!
You, uh, I don't know why any woman in her right mind
would let you anywhere near her holiest of holy's, but let's say
you get lucky, somebody's willing.
You protect that.
A guy comes along and says, you like beer,
but you gotta have beer every day of your life?
Well, why not? I love football, that means i gotta watch it every day?
Sure!
Aren't I gonna get tired of watching football
and drinking beer, day after day all my life?
Maybe. But I am willing to do the work to find out that truth.
And if it turns out that that's the case,
I trust myself to find other interests.
Jim, you know this, this feeling that you're feeling right now?
Contentment in the sacred bond of marriage?
This restless fever of romantic delusion.
You know it's not gonna last, don't you?
You know what you are?
Yeah, I'm a cynical old bastard,
I'm a curmudgeonly nay-sayer with a "can't-do" attitude,
I see this as a compliment.
Oh, must be hard work being you.
But mark my words, you'll meet a charming young woman--
that's the hardest thing to find in American life, though.
You'll jump on that train, gladly, you'll go off to--
good old Jim.
Always trying to drag me down to his level of misery.
What he couldn't possibly foresee
is that this charming young woman he was conjuring for me,
was presently right next door.
Hello?
Hi, Otto.
Taking a bath.
'Course I'm alone.
Well, I might catch a cold if I don't put something on.
But I'll be ready for you, don't you worry.
You just come on over, I'll see you when you get here.
Bye.
Whoa, you look weird.
If you had a lick of sense, you'd grab your stuff now and book it out of here.
I don't have a lick of sense.
This experience could make a decent chapter in the autobiography.
Chapter 12, I was born of modest means,
so I've always had a fascination with wealth.
God, that's a lame excuse for liking money.
I have no self-esteem.
My father was a misunderstood poet,
my mother was a masochist.
Does everybody think all this nonsense to themselves?
Is everybody as bad a narrator inside their head as me?
Can't be, I mean, some people must have
wonderfully perceptive epiphanies
that trickle down like rain water
and make them feel all cozy inside.
Why can't I think of stuff like that?
Why is my brain so boring? Why is anything?
But I can change, right?
I mean, I have to at some point,
grow up, take charge,
make something good out of all this misery,
subvert the codes!
Oh, god,
it's a dead giveaway written all over your face.
I do not trust words.
Language is a disease of the throat.
What am I thinking now?
Am I thinking of not thinking?
It's like concentrating on your breathing,
it can drive you crazy,
c-r-a-z-y.
Bad choice of words, that's all.
Don't play the word game.
I'm not doing this, this is not me.
I'm not impulsive, I'm pragmatic.
The meandering, the waiting,
the not doing anything or getting anywhere.
Gives me kind of relief,
like I'm finally dropping the charade.
There's a second life underneath the real life,
like a subway underneath a city.
Whoa, my imagination is working overtime.
I don't care what people do behind closed doors, or open doors.
I don't care!
Yeah!
This is what I'm talking about,
this is what a youthful, non-conformist was born to do,
I own this world, and I feel all tingly inside.
A surge of excitement pulsing through my entire being,
like the man said,
I'm a street-walking cheetah with a heart full of napalm.
The world's forgotten girl.
- What was that? - Sounded like she fell.
Where is this scumbag?
I'm going in.
What the hell are you talking about?
Otto's due here any second.
I've got a bad feeling about this.
Don't you dare go in that room.
Have you ever saved anybody's life before?
It's not pretty.
And there's the sticking your fingers down their throat,
when that fails, pumping of the stomach,
peculiar, kind of an animal gurgling noise they make,
I mean no matter how fetching they are in person,
there's this infant-like smell when you're, you know,
pushing their face down the sink hole, running them a bath,
and their knees keep going, and they're falling all over the place.
- You know what I mean? - I do now.
But all of it goes away
the second you realize they're all right.
Hi.
This isn't real.
I must wake up now.
No, you're awake.
Get some clothes on her, and get rid of the deadbeat.
By this point, things get a little screwy.
That was just a warm-up. This one's gonna hurt.
Who are you trying to convince?
Yourself, or your little playmate?
He had a point. It hurt.
Funny what near death experiences do to people.
I don't think Mary and I ever discussed being together,
we just suddenly were.
This wasn't as easy as it sounds.
And compromises were made on all sides.
Otto hadn't killed me because a cop is still a cop,
and I was yanked from the case.
Hell, I pretty much destroyed the case.
So I was put on extended leave.
Jim came around once in awhile,
but otherwise Mary became my nurse.
And my cook.
And my obsession.
But lest it all sound bleak, and dreary,
rest assured we found ways of entertaining each other.
Not that we had that much in common.
- I like jazz. - I like comic books.
I like... westerns.
I like rip-roaring tales of singing pirates.
What do you make of that?
Personally, singing pirates never did it for me.
No, I mean the fact that we had nothing in common.
I don't think people look for a copy of themselves in other people.
I think they look for someone they're compatible with.
- At least, they should. - Never thought of it that way.
- Is that what you do? - What are you drinking?
My whole life, I've never thought of anyone but myself.
I think you're just saying that.
You strike me as an unselfish person.
Trust me, I wouldn't know
what an unselfish act looks like.
No, I suppose the one thing me and Mary did have,
despite everything else, was compatibility.
- Tell me a secret. - Ladies first.
I'm a terrible driver.
No, honestly, i can't believe I haven't run somebody over already.
Something personal.
I secretly wish i were a superhero.
I thought we were being serious.
I think about it all the time.
My life is so unexciting, i just hate the everyday world.
I wish I had a secret identity
and went around beating up bullies.
- That's what you do. - Not exactly.
We both have victim complexes,
we're just different sides of the same coin.
Where do you get this stuff?
You ask because it makes sense, or because it's weird?
No, I ask, because you're a girl,
girls don't need to be this smart.
You ever wonder what superheros are like in the sack?
- No. - Never?
- No. - You never wonder what it might be like
to be with a woman if you're superman?
Superman's an alien.
He may not altogether be interested in the ladies anyway.
He is so into the ladies!
I mean, the poor guy can barely speak to Lois
without getting all flustered.
Aww, walking around with all that power between his legs.
This conversation is a bit weird.
You've never thought about tilt-a-whirl?
Who's tilt-a-whirl?
How old are you, grandpa?
Tilt-a-whirl!
She wears the black mask and carries around
the ray-gun that her scientist father
bequeathed to her on his deathbed?
Say bequeathed again.
And she spins like this,
and she can drive a hole through concrete?
I mean, she's my favorite.
What took you so long, Mary?
Don't get excited.
Who did this to you?
He didn't mean it, i provoked him.
Otto! What are you even doing talking to him?
- It's not like I have a choice. - Why not?
- Don't make me spell it out. - Try me.
- He still owns me, Felix. - Nobody owns you.
Oh, that's a pretty postcard,
where do you think I go after work when I come home late?
Why are you doing this?
I don't enjoy it, but it's part of the deal.
We're not children, let's not pretend.
What does this mean?
I'm sorry, but you've known all along.
If I knew, then why did I let you?
Because you're like me.
And there's a sickness inside of you,
that needs to hurt,
or to be hurt.
Because we're the same.
That moment my life changed,
or should I say, my death sentence was signed.
You like the love story so far?
Sure kid, real kick in the head.
What happened next?
Next?
Next, I put a six-week plan into motion
that came to fruition only a couple hours ago.
The details are tedious, take my word for it,
but the basic premise is simplicity itself.
I received inside information that Otto's crew
was to rob the Falco steel factory payroll.
They'd stash the money in a safe location,
and return to claim it next morning when the coast was clear.
All I had to do was wait, and walk out rich.
That was the plan, anyway.
But plans do what plans always do, they go wrong.
While I was busy improvising,
my inside man's only task for the evening was to keep Otto
drooling over her at the vixenville.
You know there's a moment in the current review
where she goes backstage to change,
four other dancers come, out one at a time,
before she rejoins, 15 minute window while she changes.
Just enough time for her to slip out the back,
jump in the cab, and join me in the station.
And?
She didn't show.
What, what happened?
Either she changed her mind, or she's dead.
Which makes no difference to the outcome.
You're drunk.
Oh, my god, it took enough time to happen.
What if she's in danger?
You dames are all the same,
you're always looking out for the sisterhood.
Have you not been paying attention?
I've played my cards.
And maybe I had a lousy hand, you know?
They looked good enough at the time, either way,
that's it for me, she's gone.
One bad game over.
Okay.
You're thinking, he's drunk,
I'm gonna take his money.
Don't do it. Don't do it.
I'm not...
I'm not saying that, just cause of your
bountiful breasts, I mean,
I mean, I mean beautiful...
- No, I mean--
keep it down please, people are trying to talk out here.
Who do you think you are?
Shhh, wait, let's not, lets not, lets--
it's the police!
Open up!
Sorry about that.
Open up, it's the police.
You!
You?
Take that off!
You don't deserve to wear that costume.
- Please, mister... - Give me that back.
...keep your voice down, okay?
- You'll get me fired! - What's the rumpus?
- Look who it is! - What are you doing?
I know everybody here!
Is she the one you were talking about?
This creep your new main squeeze now?
He said he had a lot of aggression to take out on someone,
and he has not let up on taking it out.
Who are you calling a creep, you little snitch?
I want your number, mate.
Yeah, why don't you watch your language, sport?
- Vance. - It wouldn't hurt you,
my friend, to show a little bit of politeness.
Maybe it's time for you to crawl back to your room and dry out.
You stupid animal.
You really are... an animal.
Congratulations you just assaulted a policeman.
Ah, he's bluffin'.
Why didn't you tell me?
You better go.
Why are you trying to get me outta the room so fast?
Because I don't want him to wake up and arrest you.
Oh, suddenly you care about me?
Vance! Let's go!
Go back to the room, put your face in the pillow,
lower your superhero pants and wait for me.
But, hurry, I can't afford to lose this job.
What's this guy to you?
Nothing. A friend.
You're all nervous. Practically in a sweat.
- What are you doing? - I don't know.
Something's keeping you here.
Vance. Don't!
Vance!
Holy Moses.
Babe, do you have any idea how much money is here?
Vance!
Okay, okay, uh, okay, let me figure this out.
All right, uh,
all right, I'm gonna say it this one time,
I'm gonna take this money,
and I'm gonna live like a king of kings,
everything else is water under the bridge, a brand new start!
I'll make all your dreams come true.
A do-over, you and me. You comin'?
Crazy as a couple of waltzin' mice.
So long, sweetheart.
Follow that car.
Vance!
I'm sorry he hit you.
I know when you wake up you're gonna wanna have a word with him.
I'd like to have a word too, with him, myself.
Who is it?
Housekeeping!
Go away.
- I do not need my room cleaned! - It's me!
Sevilla!
Did you, are you, what are you doing here?
- Can I come in? - No, no, no.
Oh, oh, oh, are you in the middle of something?
No, why'd you say you were the housekeeper?
- I am the housekeeper. - Dressed like that?
- Oh, it's not my uniform. - You're the housekeeper.
It's not like I'm a third class citizen,
you know, it's only a job!
No, no, no, i didn't mean it like that,
I just, I just, housekeeping is,
is a noble occupation. What do you want?
- Are you a doctor? - No!
I'm a salesman! I install shower doors.
I was really hoping you were a doctor.
- What's wrong? - I think he's dead!
- But I'm not sure. - Who's dead?
- The fellow I was gonna go see. - How'd he die?
Oh, I didn't say he was dead, i said he might be!
But I'm not sure, but I hope not.
Well, you should call an ambulance!
Oh, no, no!
I can't afford to get fired, and if they were to find out
that I was doing anything unusual...
Like what?
Nothing.
Can you come up with me?
Sevilla, i wouldn't be any good,
I don't know what to do... Situation, so--
please, please, please?
No, I don't know anything about that.
- Let me put my pants on. - Oh, okay!
Were you in the bathroom?
Just took 'em off, you know.
You're very quiet.
Yeah.
It's nice.
Not dead. Dead drunk.
Why'd ya hit 'em?
Oh, not me. An animal named Vance.
A real brute of a man, subhuman, one of those people
who just takes what he wants and never apologizes.
No manners.
I wish I was more like that. Reckless.
We could all use to be a little bit more like that, I guess.
Some days we do, some days we don't.
You have a very soothing demeanor, Eugene.
- You remembered my name! - Of course I remembered.
Well, don't be too sure, because people forget it in a second.
Not me, it's my favorite name.
My mother used to read me that book, Eugene onegin, when I was a child.
- Have you read that? - No.
Oh, it's a wonderful story,
about a selfish Russian man, and this wonderful woman
who loves to read books, and she falls in love with him.
She declares her love for him,
and he rejects her, and then he ends up
shooting this innocent young poet.
- That sounds very sad. - Oh, it is.
It's about the death of innocence.
I'll never forget this horrifying passage
where tatyana has a nightmare, being chased through this frozen landscape
by a terrifying bear, and then she hides in a hut
and is confronted by demons, and goblins.
You say your mother read this to you when you were a child?
A lot!
It was the only book we had in the house.
It was left there by a Russian pianist when he came visiting.
- Pianist. - Yes.
It was an opera, by... What's his name?
Pyotr ilyich tchaikovsky.
- Do you like opera? - Just the hits.
I don't know very much about it.
But I think the voices are soothing.
I like your demeanor.
I had an uncle named pyotr.
- You did? - Not really.
Of course, I was immediately staggered by her beauty.
A blind man could tell you that.
But as I watched her, what I was thinkin' was this.
What if you were reading a book,
a fine book, maybe even a great book,
and what if you already knew how this book was gonna end,
would you still root for the protagonists
to fall in love, even if they don't end up together?
Would you still love the people you love now
if you knew eventually they were gonna leave you?
- What's wrong? - Excuse me.
Brass balls showing your mug around here.
Yeah, well, I'm not here to see you.
Don't get too excited.
Well, that's what I'm here to see him about.
Hey, hey! What are you doin'?
You're not invisible, you know?
I'm such a fool.
What seems to be the problem?
Well, I... I, locked the keys in my car,
and my husband's gonna kill me.
Won't be too impressed if you smash the window.
I don't know how to pick the lock,
you wouldn't happen to know how to do that?
- You sure this is your car? - It's my, my husbands.
What are you doing down here at this hour?
- That's, um... private. - Sorry, I didn't mean to pry.
- Can I be honest? - Please don't.
Honest women, they, uh, they frighten me.
- I like that. - You do?
Hey, Paul, get back here.
I can down to help a friend,
if my husband finds out, he'll be upset.
Nothing unbecoming, you understand, but he has a temper.
A little skittish, aren't you?
It's past my bedtime.
You gonna help me?
Thank you!
I can take it from here.
Well, aren't you gonna look for your key?
Oh, of course.
You know, I'm sure, I'm sure you have to go back to work,
and I don't want to keep you, so.
You need me to start it for you?
I can maybe hot wire it.
I'm not really following you.
I know this isn't your car, but I like you.
- That's nice. - So let me offer you a riddle.
Mr. Freddy says you can go.
- We're square? - He says you can go.
He counted the money, he knows we're square,
I even threw in a little extra for his extraordinary Patience.
He said, "tell him he can go."
You answer this riddle correctly,
I start your engine, and let you be.
You don't answer it correctly, i still start your engine,
but you gotta let me check your oil.
'Cause you look just about due.
Is this already the riddle?
All right. Have a nice life.
The riddle is this:
I was a prophetess who became leprous,
white as snow for a short time.
Who am I?
Is this a riddle?
From the Bible. You do go to church, don't you?
Never, kneeling bags my nylons.
Vance.
Freddy wants to see you.
The correct answer is Mary.
Now scoot on over, toots.
Hey! Hey!
Where you going?
I was just havin' a bit of fun with you, darlin'!
Eugene, what is wrong?
Uh, just clearing up in here!
Uh...
I think it's decent now.
Why would you clear up the room for me?
Everybody does that when the housekeeper comes.
Make yourself comfortable.
Who's Rosemary?
Absolutely nobody.
That was a poem, wasn't it.
Nonsense! I was practicing my typing.
- You should go. - What is wrong?
It's been a long night, and...
I gotta get to sleep.
I'm not going anywhere.
- Well, you can't stay here. - Why not?
You're worried about getting fired, for one.
That's a suicide note, isn't it?
Let me see it.
It's beautiful.
But why?
It's a hard thing to summarize.
Try.
You're young, you have your whole life ahead of you.
- I'm sick. - So?
I don't wanna be a burden to anybody.
- Do you have family? - No.
- A wife? - I had... at one time.
Rosemary?
Yeah.
- Did she pass away? - No, she left me.
She was very young.
Would she ever read your poetry?
- My what? - Your poetry.
Did she know that you were a poet?
I'm not a poet.
Will you read it to me?
No, come on.
No, sevilla. It's...
"Darkling, I listen
for many a time I have been in love with easeful death
called him soft names, in many amused rhyme
to take into the air, my quiet breath
now, more than ever it seems rich to die
to cease upon the midnight with no pain
all thou art pouring forth
thy soul abroad
in such ecstasy"
that's the most beautiful poem I ever heard.
I didn't write it.
- No? - No.
A guy named keats wrote it.
It's from "ode to a nightingale."
Why the nightingale?
- Well, my wife is a singer. - Rosemary?
She goes by the name, Hanna click, now.
The singer from downstairs?
- Yeah. - That's your wife?
Mmm-hmm.
The first time i laid eyes on her, she was 16-years-old,
I mean, not a breath of spring air, but spring itself!
This, this picture is not a good representation of her,
I am no good with people, i paint pets,
I am really good at dogs.
She had on a summer dress,
and she was eating an ice cream cone.
Ah, I kid you not!
The luckiest ice cream cone in the world!
The very next day i asked her to marry me.
- Does she know? - What?
That you're still in love with her.
- I'm not. - Uh-huh.
I just came here to say goodbye in person.
And did you?
No. I got cold feet.
I... I was leaving her the poem,
and, I was about to go through with it
when you knocked on the door.
I would have been the first one to find you.
Well, maybe I did it, and you were just an angel,
sent to get me through to the other side.
Do I look like an angel?
I've never seen a housekeeper look like this before.
I mean, a superhero outfit.
Yeah, I could take it off.
I beg your pardon?
I mean, I could take it off, you know,
and put on my... Maid's uniform if you'd like.
Oh.
What, what did you think I meant?
- Oh! - Hmmm.
Well, I'm not against that either.
You're not?
But I need a bath, and I need some sleep,
and I need you to promise me
that you're gonna make it though the night.
And we can discuss arrangements in the morning.
And you're not worried about somebody comin' in
and seeing you here and firing you?
Oh, god, I am so tired of trying not to get fired!
Do you have savings?
Oh, yeah, i own my own company.
Good.
'Cause I'm putting my sister through college.
- Help? - Ooh.
Ohh.
How do you feel?
Terrible. Must've gone to bed sober.
How'd you find me?
Loan shark by the name of Freddy manouche
was paid a friendly visit by a degenerate gambler a little while ago,
kid owed him 15 g's.
Paid it in full.
A story that warms the heart.
Freddy has it on good authority
this kid hasn't got a pot to piss in.
Shouldn't go around lending money to people like that.
Freddy called me. I interviewed this goofball.
He sent me here, he said you gave it to him.
He's not someone who can keep his mouth shut.
No. He likes to talk, and I can't imagine
I'm the only one Freddy called.
Or, the first, which means, you're running out of time.
Ever the optimist, Jim.
But I've already run out of time.
- Why'd you do it? - You know why.
See now, right there you lose me, I have no idea why.
- You tell me it was for love-- - check.
I'd say I don't buy it.
- You tell me it's for money-- - double check.
I'd say not my partner, i know him too well,
he knows this could never work.
He knows it better than anyone.
You're just mad 'cause you didn't see it coming.
I didn't see it coming because
it's completely out of character.
That's why it could have worked.
Where's the money?
- I don't know. - Where is it?
I don't know.
- It doesn't matter. - Humor me.
Pretend it does, where's the money?
I... don't... know.
Well, you keep saying that,
I might have to start believing you.
Do you know where Mary is?
Precinct.
What for?
There was a new show tonight at the vixenville.
Her favorite sociopath was there, watching his favorite girl.
But there was something off about her performance tonight.
Something undetectable to most, but very apparent to Otto.
The girl seemed nervous, aloof.
Sure enough, five minutes into her routine,
she twists an ankle and has to leave the stage.
Well, Otto, sick with worry,
he rushes back to the dressing room
and somehow they get into a fight,
and she stabs him in the right eye
with the heel of her shoe.
She what?
You know, how they say it's all fun and games
until somebody pokes an eye out, well, that's just what happened.
And on the way to the hospital,
Otto gets news that a few of his associates
had been gunned down, and some money happens to be missing.
Normally, there's only one person
whose expertise I trust in putting all these
desperate elements into a cohesive hole.
Normally, I enjoy hearing you piece these strands together.
I'm not enjoying myself tonight, Felix.
- Let her go, Jim, I did this. - She poked the man's eye out.
He's got another one.
Somehow, when I woke up this morning,
I never imagined my day would turn out like this.
Welcome to the club.
I can't protect you from Otto.
And I don't deserve it.
- Who is it? - Hanna.
- I made a new friend. - Don't try anything stupid.
You're talking to the wrong guy.
This belongs to you.
My partner, Jim Logan. Hanna click.
Vance got confused, thought it was his.
So I gather.
I couldn't let my mistakes ruin your chances.
I call this an extremely unselfish act, but...
...i don't think anyone'll believe me.
Just this once, fate is a liar.
Maybe you can still find her, and get away.
Wouldn't you always wonder? What if?
A few rotten nights, but that'll pass.
It was nice talkin' to ya, Felix.
Got a bus to catch.
Rosemary Lynn!
- Eugene? - Yep!
Little older, the forehead's a little farther back,
but it's still me.
No, you look great!
What are you doing here?
I came to see you, i saw your name on the marquee
and I said, I'm gonna catch the show!
And you were great, you really were great!
- You saw me sing? - Night before last.
It was a great show!
- Have you been good? - Yeah. You?
- Yes. - You married?
- Just to you, still.
- I brought you a present. - What are you talking about?
This is part of my life that you probably don't know,
but you do remember that I like to paint.
Sure.
- Little Lulu! - Yeah.
- How did you...? This is... - Well, you see, I...
I didn't get your nose right, noses are tough!
But I'm used to painting pets, so...
The nose is good, Eugene.
- You like it? - Yes!
Good, I, I...
How's your health?
I'm glad you asked, I feel good.
- Strong. - You look it.
I'm sorry. I know it seems stupid to say after all this time.
Well, it's nice, people need forgiveness.
And approval, and you have both.
You're not still sore with me?
No. No, uh...
You were always outta my league, Rosemary Lynn.
I simply didn't know it.
I'm just happy for the time we had together.
- You trying to make me cry? - Definitely not.
Now go on.
Take care.
You, too.
All right.
So...
...am I all out of favors with you?
Depends.
What'll it take to get Mary released?
Phone call.
Make it.
It's me.
Let the girl go.
Yeah.
Now what?
Now I'm gonna find out what Otto's waiting for.
Something I left out.
On the way to the hospital, when the call comes in
about Otto's men being dead, and the money gone,
well, this so upsets Otto that his heart just stops.
You mean stops dead?
All the way dead.
- Is this a lesson? - Don't be corny.
If you want the money, you just take it.
What money?
The money was never here.
Trail went cold, is that the play?
You tell me.
You came here.
I wouldn't tell you where the money was hidden.
I refused to be dragged to the gallows.
- And then what? - Then I pulled a gun on you,
and that just about beat all after all we've been through.
What about the kid?
The kid won't talk to anybody anymore.
What about the precinct, can't kill all of them.
That was Betty on the phone.
Tell me he didn't touch Mary.
No, he didn't touch Mary.
You drag Betty into this?
I keep tellin' ya, the sacred bond of marriage
is the strongest thing there is between two people.
Doesn't make any sense.
It's completely out of character.
At the end of the day,
people only see what they're prepared to see,
that much I know.
Most people live their lives
thinking they're the protagonist of their story
when they're simply a supporting player, in somebody else's--
oh, my god.