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However you wanna express yourself, gay or lesbian,
or transgender, or gender queer,
you are beautiful.
♪ Heaven help me keep falling ♪
♪ It's not easy Finding your place ♪
This could be our opportunity to take control of our lives.
♪ But if it's not love It'll just break ♪
♪ It'll surround you ♪
You can't stop fighting for the ones you love.
♪ You can be strong Standing in place ♪
♪ Knowing you'll break through... ♪
Please understand, I'm not fighting about bathrooms.
I'm fighting about her life.
Well I ask you, can you see me now?
♪ But if it's love It will find you ♪
♪ Give you more to hold onto ♪
♪ It will carry the weight ♪
I like the idea that the world is changing
and I get to be whoever I want.
When it comes to war, I fight.
When it comes to love, I don't choose sides.
(CHEERING)
This is just basic equality. That's all it is.
(crowd cheering)
♪ ♪
(camera clicks)
(cat meows)
(men chanting)
♪ ♪
(radio static crackling)
Woman 1: There's no way to get an accurate count of
LGBT suicides in the Mormon community,
but we do know that youth suicide rates in Utah,
where a majority of the populous is Mormon,
have skyrocketed over the past decade.
Man 1: I grew up gay, and Mormon, and in Utah.
In my morning prayers, I would ask that God
would do something drastic, like
cause me to die in a car accident
or for me to get cancer or something awful like that.
Woman 2: When the God that you believe in,
and the family that raised you and loves you,
when they reject you,
you don't have a lot left to live for.
Man 2: You see the church between kind of a rock and a hard place
when it comes to gay issues.
Man 3: We've taken this topic on a number of occasions.
It's not going away. Where do we stand on this?
Man 4: We regard same-sex marriage
as a significant, serious kind of sin.
Man 5: Simply being attracted
to someone of the same gender is not a sin.
It is when we act on
the inclination or the attraction.
Man 6: The church finally said there's nothing wrong with being gay.
Woman 3: Yay!
Man 6: As long as you don't do gay stuff!
So, if you're a gay Mormon,
and you're in a relationship with a man, you're fine,
as long as you don't hug him or kiss him
or hold hands with him or have sex with him
or marry him or live with him or be in a relationship with him.
DJ: And today, I'm talking with Las Vegas resident Dan Reynolds,
who is the lead singer of Imagine Dragons.
Reynolds is on a mission
quite apart from his musical career.
He's putting together a documentary examining
policies in the Mormon Church regarding the LGBTQ community.
Dan Reynolds, it's great to have you back.
("Believer" playing)
(crowd cheering)
♪ First things first ♪
♪ I'ma say all the words inside my head ♪
♪ I'm fired up and tired of the way that things have been ♪
♪ Oh, oh ♪
Dan: There are far too many Mormons
in Utah that are taking their lives.
And so, this is,
this is an issue that needs to be discussed now.
Uh, the families need to be having this,
this discussion in their homes now.
♪ I'm the master of my sea ♪
♪ Oh, oh ♪
♪ Yeah, the master of my sea ♪
♪ Oh, oh ♪
DJ: You grew up Mormon.
You don't have to be a member of the church.
A lot of people will say, you know what,
if you don't don't agree, just get out.
I don't feel a need to denounce Mormonism.
I do feel a need, as a Mormon,
to speak out against things that I think are hurting people.
♪ Pain ♪
♪ You made me a, you made me a believer ♪
♪ Believer ♪
♪ Pain ♪
DJ: Dan, do you feel like, in some ways,
you, yourself, might be leading people astray?
Dan: People have reached out and said, hey,
you know, you've lost your way,
and God believes that being gay is a sin,
and you, you know, you're dragging down, you know...
you are spreading a message of, uh, against God's will.
♪ My life, my love, my drive, it came from ♪
♪ Pain ♪
♪ You made me a, you made me a believer ♪
♪ Believer ♪
DJ: Like a lot of rich people, you could just ignore all this,
go on with the rest of your life.
Why are you doing this? Why are you putting yourself out there?
The community I was raised with is Mormonism,
and I was always taught
that if you want to make a difference in the world,
you start with your community.
That's a question I had as well, Dan. I mean,
do you actually think you're gonna change the church?
♪ My life, my love, my drive ♪
(sighs)
♪ Pain ♪
♪ You made me a, you made me a believer ♪
♪ Believer ♪
(crowd cheering)
(cheering fades)
(distant horns honking)
♪ Young gun with a quick fuse ♪
♪ I was uptight wanna let loose ♪
♪ I was dreaming of bigger things and ♪
♪ Wanna leave my old life behind ♪
♪ Not a yes-sir, not a follower ♪
♪ Fit the box, fit the mold ♪
♪ Have a seat in the foyer ♪
♪ Take a number ♪
♪ I was light-- ♪ (keyboard clicks)
(scrubbing audio)
♪ I was lightning before the thunder ♪
Dan: This song, I think, is probably gonna be our next single.
It's been... a little bit
of the bane of my existence for the last couple months,
'cause I just haven't felt like it was
totally right yet.
(scrubbing audio)
I woke up at, like, 3:00 AM this morning,
with like a counter-melody idea in my head for this end part.
(clears throat)
(vocalizing melody)
This song is... it's called "Thunder,"
but it's like, you know,
this, you know, this time in my life was
lightning before the thunder.
It was like, you know, when I was young,
feeling a little misplaced, feeling never quite...
like I settled in a pocket.
♪ ♪
Go and get Dan.
(baby fussing)
Dan: I am the seventh son of nine kids.
BOY: Hey, Danny.
Dan: I was raised Mormon, Latter-day Saint,
as Mormons say LDS.
It was really all I knew growing up,
'cause when you grow up, you just,
you think everybody's Mormon,
or at least most of the world's Mormon.
So, in the Mormon Church,
you're supposed to go on a mission
when you turn 19 years old.
A mission is two years away from your family.
You knock doors all day. (knocking)
We're missionaries from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
Woman: Okay, we have our own religion. Thank you.
Okay, that's okay.
When you start as a missionary,
you get into one
like out of every hundred doors you knock.
What carries you on is
your complete, resolute belief in what you're doing.
You are resilient about it,
and so you knock those hundred doors.
If there's anything I can leave with y'all tonight,
it would just be that my testimony of this gospel
is that I know it's real,
and it does bring true happiness.
When I came home from my mission,
and I allowed my brain to really think about life
and what I wanted out of it, and who I wanted to be...
Everybody, you know,
in the Mormon community who knew my family was, like,
the smart Reynolds, the doctors,
the lawyers, the good kids.
You want your daughter to date a Reynolds boy, you know?
They're good kids.
You know, my brothers all went to BYU. They all married,
you know, great Mormon girls, had great Mormon families,
and I didn't want to be the one to break that cycle.
And so it just, you know, it seemed like,
"the easy route," like, you follow the line.
Aja: Okay, can you give that to Daddy?
Daddy?
Yep? Get her dressed.
Okeydokey.
Dad, both of the babies look like little aliens.
(laughter)
When their eyes are open, they look like little aliens.
Yeah? They do look like little aliens.
Aja: That's kinda what they are.
Hi, my little alien.
(music playing on radio)
Can I kiss her, Dad? (fluid spurts)
Both: Oh!
(Aja laughs)
Aja: It's not on you.
I know, but we just cleaned...
Well, it's okay. Just leave it for a sec. I'll deal with it.
Let me just look and see. Oh!
Yeah, honey, just don't...
Honey, it's, like, massive.
I know. I'll deal with it.
Dan: My family, so,
I have a four-year-old daughter, Arrow,
she was born right when our first album came out.
Let's just say, I am the boss.
(laughing)
And now I have two more little girls, twins, fraternal.
Dan: She is so cute, honey.
Aja: I know.
(giggling) It's killing me.
My wife, who is the greatest human being ever...
Stop picking on her. I'm not. I'm just trying to get--
You're like, "She has a furry head and boogers in her eyes."
Well, no, I just want to get the boogers out of her eyes
'cause that would drive me crazy, too.
Aja: When I met him,
he was just a part of this, kind of,
I don't want to say closed community, but it was like
there wasn't really a lot of outside...
It's like a very Mormon community, you know?
And, um, I was definitely... an alien to that.
(strums guitar)
We had this, like, connection,
but there were conversations early on that were, like, you know, we can't date.
If I was Mormon, we could entertain the idea, but we can't.
(singing) ♪ Don't be afraid of me I'm just a sweet... ♪
We did try to be friends a lot.
We kept being, like, okay, look, we're just...
I can't have you, like, out of my life.
So, we had to, we have to try to figure out
how to be friends, but then it would just...
we would hang out, or see each other or whatever,
and it was just, like, too much energy
between us to, and it couldn't go anywhere... She couldn't handle it.
She couldn't handle the energy. There was just,
so much, just, mojo in the air. (laughs) (laughing)
Aja: I would always be like, I can't do this.
I can't talk to you anymore.
If we can't be together, I cannot see you,
like, I can't talk to you.
'Cause I was so in love with him,
and, um, it just hurt.
(strumming)
Dan had sent a song that he had written,
and he had only written part of the song.
And I was like, oh, well,
I'll just write a verse and send it back.
♪ Try one, try two, and then you're messing it up ♪
♪ If you ever wanna have it, then you're giving it up... ♪
Aja: It was, like, written to me, you know?
And so, I would, like, write a response... (laughing)
in the song, and it was like
the stuff we couldn't say in real life.
Both: ♪ 'Cause I'm so in love with you ♪
But it was, like, still very much, like,
you have to be Mormon if we're gonna date.
♪ Well, I'm tired ♪
♪ You're tired of acting crazy ♪
♪ Don't make big plans if you're bein' lazy ♪
♪ Don't make big plans ♪
♪ If you won't follow through ♪
♪ You big baby ♪
♪ Let's speak nothing but the truth ♪
Aja: I was like, I'm not gonna forget about this person.
He felt like he was my soul mate,
and so, I decided to start going
and just learning more about the church.
That's when I started to say, okay, well, if I can, like,
really, just, follow my own heart inside of it,
I don't see why I can't, like,
progress in this direction.
So, I did kind of just do that,
and I felt fine about it...
♪ My heart ♪
...except for the gay rights.
Newsman: The Mormon Church supported Proposition 8,
a proposal restricting the definition of marriage
as being a union solely between a man and a woman.
Newswoman: Mormons became the most powerful force
in California's fight against gay marriage,
because the church called upon its members to donate
as much money and time as they could to the cause.
And so, we ask you to give your best
to this most significant effort,
support in every way possible
the sacred institution of marriage
as we know it to be.
Dan: When Prop 8 was going down, in my heart, I was like,
I don't feel good about this, but whatever.
It doesn't affect me.
Which I think is the mentality of,
probably, a lot of Christians and people.
It doesn't affect me.
Hey, it'll figure itself out in the eternities with God.
It was right when I was meeting Aja.
Her two best friends who were lesbians, and they were,
you know all very ac-- like, very...
Very active. I mean, I was with them. Yeah.
I was like, marching alongside them.
Yeah, and so, it was like, And then...
she was like, well,
they told me that Mormons believe this,
and that they're really, like,
funding these things with Prop 8.
Is that true? And I'm like, well, it is true,
but I... it's, like, no part of me.
Well, she's like, well, why are you Mormon then? I'm like, it's complicated.
♪ ♪
Aja: When I started to look into it,
and take the lessons and convert,
I really had to ignore that whole thing.
I had to just ignore it because I was...
It was infuria-- infuriating.
Dan: We got married in my parents' backyard,
and her two best friends didn't come to our marriage
because she was, basically, marrying into Mormonism, in their eyes,
which was, in the heat of Prop 8,
was the reason they couldn't get married.
His wife's lesbian roommates
not wanting to go to their wedding,
I think he saw something and said, "Oh, there's something wrong here.
There's something that can be better here.
There's something I can fix. I can do something.
And I don't think he knew what or how,
but I know he wanted to.
Dan: So, I, I, I still feel guilt,
you know, with that, that I, I, uh...
I just was, like, a silent person, you know?
Granted, my voice was pretty meaningless at the time.
(laughs)
Not to say a voice is meaningless,
but I didn't have any reach, you know?
My band was a big puddle of nothing.
Robert: Growing up, Dan was in different bands,
and he'd always been making music,
but there is no guarantee
you can make something marketable and earn a living at this.
♪ ♪
And I remember one time,
sitting down with my mom and dad,
and they said, so Dan wants to do this rock thing,
be in a rock band.
So, just tell us,
what's his chance of success?
Regardless of the fact that I knew he was driven,
and he had a good voice,
and I thought he wrote amazing melodies,
I said zero.
(crowd cheering)
♪ I'm waking up to ash and dust ♪
Dan: Imagine Dragons just,
like, boo!
♪ I'm breathing in the chemicals ♪
Announcer: Imagine Dragons!
Ah! (cheering)
Dan: Suddenly, it was, like,
everybody just screaming at you,
you know, great things and terrible things,
and it was all just a new thing to me.
What's been, like, the biggest crowd response
that you just felt overwhelmed?
I've been overwhelmed, honestly, every night.
Dan: I don't know that I can think of many more opposite worlds
than that of a Mormon missionary
and that of a rock star.
It was completely shocking to me to be kind of thrust into the world.
Like, I had to relearn
everything about everything I had known.
♪ I'm radioactive, radioactive ♪
(sighing) Oh, Lord.
"Love your music.
"I heard you have depression. I also have depression,
"but listening to your music really takes me away from it.
(sighs)
"Right now, I feel worthless.
"Life is just really hard. I have no self-esteem,
"but your music makes it much easier. I'm thankful for your music.
I'm also very thankful that you are Mormon."
And if I type in Mormon,
there's, like, you know, hundreds of emails.
"I'm in middle school, and I'm Mormon,
"but I'm very different.
"I'm not pretty. I'm not popular,
"but I don't care.
"I have anxiety and depression.
"I've had them since I was young.
"I was also told this was Dan Reynolds,
and I thought it would be cool to tell him about myself."
Suddenly, I started to really realize the weight of something
that I think I already knew, which was that
there's not a lot of famous Mormons.
♪ ♪
"I want to tell you something personal,
"to show you how important you are for me,
"and how much you help me.
"I'm struggling a lot with self-acceptance and anxiety.
"This is because of many reasons.
"There's one big thing that annoys me the most...
"my sexuality.
"I hate myself for a lot of this.
(sighs)
"I don't even want to know where I would be without your music.
"I have no idea if you support
"same-sex marriage, since you are a Mormon.
"If you don't, it's okay, and I respect you,
"but if you do support it, thank you a lot,
and it means the world to me."
Tom, who sent me this email.
Says all these sweet things,
and at the bottom, you know, hey,
you know, if you do, I respect you,
but I know that, how he, I know
that he is hurt,
and is looking for someone from this band that he likes
to tell him, no, Tom, I'm not judging you, you know.
And I never even wrote him back,
'cause I haven't read that email till right now
'cause there's so many emails, but...
(inhales)
(sobbing quietly)
This is, this is something that I've...
really had on my mind for years,
and it's come to a head, I think, lately...
(sobs)
...because I'm, because I associate
and my, my, my family's Mormon.
It's my culture.
I know that there are so many people like this.
Mormons who, I know, look up to me as a person, you know,
standing as a face for the Mormon Church.
Um...
Yeah, I've been so conflicted,
'cause I don't know whether to, you know,
let down all these people who are Mormon, and, and looking to me,
or... to be part of--
to stand back, and then be...
If I'm passive, if I'm just standing--
If I just stand back and say, I don't want to talk about
Mormonism or something in the press and stuff,
then I've, I have felt this-- which I have done,
um, then I feel this burden like...
I feel guilt. I feel like...
I am standing then for bigotry.
(tape deck clicking)
(acoustic guitar plays)
Tyler: I went on a mission at 19.
I think it just felt like a safe
choice to go and give me more space to figure out myself, so,
I got called to Nebraska, and I was kinda hoping
I was gonna go to, like, Tokyo or something. (laughing)
(music continues)
Dan: Tyler and I both served in Omaha, Nebraska.
He had finished his two years right as I was coming out.
Like, we barely linked like that,
but it was enough that, like,
the shadow of Tyler was still there.
My first companion had a CD that said, like, "Tyler Glenn" on it,
and he told me that it was this missionary,
and was writing songs in his spare time.
♪ Jesus got my back ♪
Tyler: Yeah, on my mission,
I had, really, a great experience.
It really shaped this, sort of,
headphone-wearing, like, kind of, pseudo-Goth kid
uh, into like, a... someone that could talk to people.
Yeah, and I got home, and,
and, uh,
then I... decided to be gay for a little bit.
(laughs)
And that started the conflict.
♪ Hey baby, won't you look my way? ♪
♪ I can be your new addiction ♪
I got home from my mission,
and Tyler has started a band called Neon Trees.
♪ It started with a whisper ♪
Dan: His band blew up, and then my band blew up.
I would see him at festivals. I'd be like, hey,
guy that's Mormon in that band,
hey, I'm guy over here that's Mormon in this band.
I followed him. I saw the things that he was saying
because he was, like, a Mormon in the press.
Tyler: Being gay and closeted,
I became a master compartmentalizer.
I was able to, sort of, compartmentalize
a version of Mormonism that fit.
So, come 29,
and we've put out two successful records,
and we toured the world six times.
I'm living my dream, you know, so, like, I should be happy.
And I'm not content at all, and I'm thinking,
I can't keep thinking this is a cool secret
that I can live with the rest of my life.
It was like, I just, I have to come out.
♪ ♪
I came out to my producer.
I was just like, Tim,
do you want to know what these songs are about?
And, like...
just saying it to him, and having,
sort of the reaction,
from a... from, like, a straight man, like, I always feared...
would probably ridicule me because that was my experience.
Um...
He, like, said, I'm so happy for you,
and it was the first time that I ever, um,
attributed, like, positivity, ever, to being gay.
I was expecting my life to turn to shit,
or to feel
sinful or shame, and I didn't at all.
And it was, I was met with such,
um...
you know, just inclusion.
It was, you know, three years after Prop 8,
so I was met with a lot of LDS people saying,
we need this conversation to broaden.
As a church,
nobody should be more loving and compassionate.
No family who has anybody
who has the same-gender issue should, uh,
exclude them from the family circle.
Dan: Tyler did an interview with Rolling Stone that was like,
I'm gonna be gay and Mormon,
and I'm gonna make it work.
And I feel like a lot of the Mormon community was like,
Woo-hoo! Look at this!
He's gay and he's Mormon. He's gonna make it work.
What does that mean? Maybe he's celibate?
I don't know, but hey, he's gonna make it work.
He's happy. You know?
I started dating a guy openly, and...
I took him to Temple Square.
For me, it was like, when you and I have a kid,
we're raising him Mormon, and this means a lot to me.
And about a month after that,
um, it was November 5th,
and a po-- the policy was leaked.
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
has come under intense scrutiny following their new official
orders against homosexuality, baptism and children.
The new policy change states that same-sex couples
will also now be considered apostates,
saying it will no longer bless or baptize children
of same-sex couples until the child turns 18.
Once a child turns 18,
he or she will have to disavow same-sex marriage,
then they can be blessed and baptized by the church.
Tyler: There was a variant in the church.
It suddenly felt dark, and I'd never felt dark at church.
I'd always felt like, this is the safe place,
and I need to cling to this.
Um, I'm watching my brother baptize his son,
and he, and I don't ever get to do that
because I'm gay and he's straight, and, um...
I just had taken, you know... (clears throat)
the guy I was seeing to the temple and I was doing all of these...
these things to sort of remain, and I...
It just hit me that I have to leave.
And I remember... (clears throat)
telling my mom on the way to dinner after the baptism.
(strumming)
I'm like, Mom, I, I...
I believe, and I, um...
and I know the Book of Mormon is true.
I know the church is true, but I have to leave
because, like, they've clearly drawn a line,
and it feels like the last, you know, gut punch.
♪ Faith ♪
♪ Please have a little in me ♪
♪ Hate ♪
♪ I know you hate it when I stray ♪
♪ But I tried everything ♪
♪ I drank the wine and stained the sheets ♪
♪ I'm clumsy when I speak ♪
I just realized, I need to make an album
about all these feelings.
♪ You never call me anymore ♪
Dan: Tyler put out a record
that was very controversial within the Mormon community.
♪ God, where the hell are you hiding? ♪
♪ My hands are in the air and I'm excited ♪
Dan: It was very visceral, and, like, very angry.
He was, like, ripping up the Book of Mormon,
and he was painting on, like, the apostles' faces.
A lot of Mormons saw that and were, like,
offended and angry at Tyler.
And then I think a lot of Mormons saw it and were hurt for Tyler.
It definitely weighed, like, very heavily on my heart.
♪ I've been on the run ♪
♪ So I'm not coming Sunday ♪
♪ It's all right ♪
♪ I'll probably talk to you ♪
♪ At midnight ♪
Cool.
(phone ringing)
Tyler: Hey, dude.
Dan: Hey, how you doing man?
Tyler: Good, man.
Dan: Man, I don't even know where to start. Um...
Really, I, I feel like I should've made this call,
like, two years ago.
You know, I've watched you over the last...
you know, couple years,
and I've watched you just go through this,
and I've been like,
a really...
shitty bystander, honestly.
And so I guess, first, Tyler: Mm.
I just want to, like, apologize because I feel like,
you know, I feel like,
you know, I don't know who else
you could relate to-- how many other people
you could relate to in this industry that are, like,
Mormon, and have to feel conflicted about
all these things, and I don't know--
Dude, thanks. That really means a lot. Thank you.
Wow, that's really cool.
Seriously. Seriously.
But the question I wanted to ask you is, what now?
Like, what can I do...
I know. ...to what can, like...
You know, I had, like, this little idea in my head,
and tell me if it's stupid.
What if me and you got together, and we put on, like,
a big event in Salt Lake City?
Me, you, some people who can come together, and be, like...
inclusive of everybody, and tell them all, like,
this needs to change.
You know, I know we can't force the church to change it,
but maybe we can, like, by raising more awareness,
and making more Mormons,
in their heart, feel like this isn't right,
maybe that's the begin... You know what I mean?
Maybe that's what's gonna start
the change. That's what it takes, man.
Dude, I'm down. Like, absolutely.
Let's do it.
(wind blowing)
Dan: I'm so amped right now.
I'm like, we're gonna do this amazing thing!
This is for Mormons, this is for non-Mormons.
This is for the LGBT non-Mormons,
LGBT Mormons. Like, this is for the world to come to.
So, you know what I thought about?
First thing that came to my mind? What?
Food. What are we gonna do for food?
If we can get food trucks, awesome.
That's what I think. I'm thinking food,
and really what I should be thinking is
how do we not offend 50 percent of the people who come?
You're just trying to enlighten people.
You're not trying to offend anyone.
See what you just said right there? Enlighten people.
You think that's offensive? That says to people,
you're in the dark, let me enlighten you.
No, no, no, no, no. Educate.
You're stupid, let me educate you.
No. That's not true.
I think people don't know statistics.
They don't know the reality of what's happening.
You can't come in and say, "You're wrong."
No. You have to come in and say,
"Let's talk, and believe in
the goodness of people." You have to change people's minds
as a friend and an ally.
You don't have to change people's minds.
They have to change their minds.
We have to, like, in my opinion, it's like...
Did you put boloney in this?
There's ham in there.
It's really weird tasting. Is it?
We don't usually put ham in sandwiches, right?
This is the first time. No, but it's, like, what was in there.
The Mormon-- This is where I was raised, Mormonism.
So, this is my community, these are my people.
That's the last thing that I want to do
is to say, "I'm right, you're wrong."
"Look, come and let me tell you why."
It needs to be, everybody come to the table
and let's see what's happening.
This is-- these are the people who are in it.
You know. Yeah.
Their message is 10 times more powerful than me getting up,
Hey, I'm the singer of Imagine Dragons. You know that song?
♪ Radioactive! Radioactive! ♪
Now let me tell you everything that I know about this subject
because I really don't know that much,
and everybody's gonna be like...
I'm all heart. I'm... The education is yet to come.
(laughing)
So...
Oh gosh. Well, hey,
we are kind of all heart.
(ringing)
John: Hello?
John, how you doing?
Good, how are you, Dan? Hey.
It's an honor to, uh...
to, to talk and to meet.
Right back at you. Yeah. Virtually.
Can you hear and see me okay?
Yeah, I, I hear and I see you good.
Um, you're a little choppy here and there, but not bad.
I'll close a bunch of windows and just make sure.
Yeah, are you playing World of Warcraft while you're talking to me?
(laughing) No, I'm not. (laughing)
My name is John Dehlin,
and I'm a sixth-generation Mormon,
raised, uh, as a devout orthodox-believing Mormon.
Mormonism was everything to me
'cause my parents had been divorced,
and I felt like the church took care of me and nurtured me
when my family was falling apart.
In 2009, I started a PhD
in clinical and counseling psychology.
I was just noticing all these LGBT Mormons that were depressed and suicidal,
and, um...
the church was encouraging mixed orientation marriages,
where you're gay, but you marry a straight person.
Ricardo: My name is Ricardo.
I am a Mormon.
I'm a father of six children,
and I am attracted to men.
The attractions aren't gonna go away.
They're gonna be there my whole life,
but I don't feel that I'm losing anything in my life.
To me, that's being authentic,
is it's finding that core happiness within you.
And for me, it's important that that core happiness
is aligned with my beliefs in the gospel.
John: They were encouraging celibacy.
Jessyca: I feel now, being around people
that know that I'm gay,
I'm able to be myself.
And I'm not having to
make up excuses of why I'm not dating
or I'm not married or I'm not falling in love.
What's been so great about this experience
is that I've been able to understand
what really makes me happy,
and that is pleasing God.
So, we decided to study, uh,
what decisions led to healthy outcomes for LGBT people,
and what decisions led to unhealthy outcomes.
♪ ♪
I just wanted to understand a couple things.
Can you change being gay or lesbian if you try?
What happens if you just try to be celibate?
What happens if you just try and marry a woman?
Mixed orientation marriages were a disaster.
Celibacy was the worst possible option
that they could have chosen.
Uh...
Hundreds and hundreds of the people
mentioned suicide in their narratives,
of wanting to kill themselves because of the struggle.
Feeling like God didn't love 'em,
that God wouldn't heal them,
and so they must have been beyond God's love and power.
John: The suicide rates, uh, in Utah are alarming.
We've seen the suicide rates
of youth between the ages of 15 and 19
double in the past two to three years,
and triple over the past eight or nine years since 2008.
Nowhere else in the entire United States are we seeing
youth suicide rates double and triple
over that same time period.
And so, what's the cause?
What happened in 2007, 2008?
It was when the predominant religion
within the state of Utah declares war on LGBT people.
Today, I'd like to explain
how I became an LGBT ally as a Mormon.
I gave a TED Talk in, uh, 2013.
I want to begin by making a point.
That you can literally save the lives
of your LGBT brothers and sisters,
sons and daughters, through love.
Well, I gave the TED Talk in, like, October or November, 2013,
and by January or February of 2014,
my bishop had called me in,
and, uh, told me he was starting
an investigation into my membership.
And in February of 2015,
I was excommunicated from the church.
Hmm. There's no doubt in my mind
that my public support of LGBT people
was a major factor in my excommunication.
Excommunication is about the worst thing
that a Mormon could ever experience.
It basically means, from a religious perspective,
that you're cut off from your family for all of eternity.
That your family's gonna go
to this really nice place in heaven,
and you're gonna be alone, uh, in a dark, sad place,
and that's what excommunication means.
It means you can't participate in church.
It's basically condemning you to the Mormon equivalent of hell.
And it was-- But more than that,
it's cutting you off from your tribe.
It's cutting you off from your people,
from your friends, from your family.
Uh, I have family members that won't speak to me.
Um, and it's... devastating.
(sighs) Oh, man. Uh...
My family is all Mormon, and they're very active.
I have a... I have a real fear of losing all that.
Maybe you've heard the quote, um,
"The only thing required for evil to persist
is for good men to do nothing."
You've probably heard that, right? I have. Yeah.
I've always loved the church.
I still do. I still consider myself Mormon.
Um... and so-- But I felt the same way you did.
I didn't want to leave it. I didn't want to be excommunicated.
I do think the number of overt bigots out there,
as a percentage, is really small,
but the number of, of Mormons, frankly,
who just have decided to remain silent
is extremely large.
And so, I've been watching you guys.
And in my heart, I'm just like, things are gonna change
when these guys are willing to speak up.
(jet engine roaring)
♪ Here's to my future ♪
♪ Here's to my yesterday ♪
♪ Here's to change, oh ♪
♪ Here's to my yesterday ♪
♪ No tomorrow without a yesterday ♪
♪ Here's to my future ♪
Stephenie: This house was built 125 years ago
by a polygamist named William D. Alexander.
Yeah, you actually, you have the view of the temple--
So, check out that. Wow, yeah.
Stephenie: Little did he know that someday his rainbow window
would perfectly encase that Moroni.
The Captain Moroni on the top of the Mormon Temple. Stephenie: Yeah.
(indistinct chatter)
Dan: So, the kids can kind of, just,
come in here after school's out.
Just come hang out, find a place of just refuge and kind of...
Yeah. The whole idea is
they just walk in like it's their own home.
Um, I did have an area authority ask me,
when these kids come here,
and you're going to make them more gay,
and their families aren't...
And I was like, no, no, no, no. (laughs)
We are just here to love and support them,
and give them a safe place to be.
♪ Here's to my yesterday ♪
So, maybe tell me about how you got involved here.
My mom is... working here? Is that what it is?
I am volunteering here. Yeah. Volunteering.
When you came out,
how was that received with your friends, with the church?
Um, it was only this Sunday
that I came out to the church. (laughs) Dan: Okay.
♪ ♪
Hi, my name is Savannah,
and I want to share my testimony with you.
I believe I'm a child with heavenly parents. I don't...
I went up during testimony meeting,
and I bore my testimony on how
everyone is made the certain way that they are,
and how I was made to be gay.
I believe I was made the way I am...
I felt nervous, actually,
'cause I didn't know what people would react.
They did not mess up when they gave me freckles
or when they made me to be gay.
God loves me just this way
because I believe that he loves all his creations.
I hope to get married and have a family.
I know these dreams and wishes are good and right.
I know I can have all of these things
as a, as a lesbian and be happy...
I didn't get to finish all the way through my testimony.
I think it was, like, a paragraph later after
I said the word "lesbian,"
they cut me off.
I want to love myself
and not feel ashamed for being me.
I ask you to--
Heather: It was a member of the stake presidency that was there.
Dan: He leaned over to a counselor...
Heather: Leaned over and have him
turn off the mic and asked her to go sit.
It was a little depressing and sad when it happened,
but I feel more happy now that it has happened,
'cause now I got to share my feelings.
♪ ♪
You know, if my answer of what resonates here
doesn't line up with what the prophet, etcetera, says,
you know, it's like, hard for my family to see that.
All I can do is accept them and love them where they're at,
and, like, hope that they can offer...
(sighs) um,
the same thing back to me.
♪ ♪
Boy: Something that happened recently with my brother who was on his mission.
He was, like, one of the first people that I came out to.
Um... about the time, I told him, and when I came out, he was like,
"No, it's just the devil," and he slapped me really hard.
Woman: So when you told him,
he said, "It's the devil," and he slapped you? Yeah.
Because you were, like, following the devil?
Yes. In the callings? Wow.
All of you, in my opinion,
even being here right now,
um...
are far braver than I could've ever understood
'cause I'm just, like, dealing with, like,
oh, religion and these things, you know, but...
but you guys are, are so brave.
Thank you. Thank you for letting me sit in
and be part of what could be so uncomfortable,
and I can be the most awkward person ever. (laughter)
And you guys have made me feel totally comfortable here, too.
And, um, so, thank you.
I love you all, and love is love,
and, uh, yeah. Thanks.
All: Thanks, Dan!
(laughing)
♪ ♪
(engine roaring)
Woman: And here are our crisis counselors here
are ready to take phone calls.
Our research here at The Trevor Project has found that
if an LGBT young person has one supportive adult,
the risk of suicide is lessened by 30 percent.
Wow. It's incredible.
The Mormons are way over here
and the LGBTQ community is way over here.
So it's like, to me, I was like,
well, what's a safe way we can bring everybody together,
but also a place to be a little more educated?
And for some Mormons,
guarantee this will be the first time they'll sit down
and listen to someone who is LGBTQ talk for more than, like, five minutes.
I have these Mormon moms come in from their temple shift,
and they're very defensive,
until they fall in love with a gay person.
They could fall in love with Tyler for just five minutes. Yep.
Then, it's game over.
♪ ♪
So, Dragons, Trees...
Dragons, Trees, interspersed with speakers.
I mean, that alone is gonna be like...
Rad. ...20,000 people.
Have you thought about where?
I think Pioneer Park.
Dan: Isn't it right next to the temple,
someone was telling me or something?
Tyler: Um, it's like three blocks from it.
Three blocks from the temple? Ah. Mm-hmm.
Tyler: Yeah, so they hold huge events here.
And do they have, like, food trucks or anything like that?
Yeah, so there's, like, event vendors...
What do you think the name of the festival should be?
It needs to be something that the Mormons are like,
oh, this sounds rad and I want to come to it,
but it should sound progressive and cool, and not boring.
LoveLoud. LoveLoud.
LoveLoud Festival. Or LoveLouder.
LoveLoud Festival.
That's kinda cool. It is.
LoveLoud Festival.
"Are you going to LoveLoud?" That's kinda cool.
No, I'm going to LoveLouder.
No, I'm going to LoveLouder. (laughing)
Both: ♪ As I have loved you ♪
♪ Love one another ♪
♪ This new commandment ♪
♪ Love one another ♪
♪ By this shall man know ♪
♪ Ye are my disciples ♪
♪ If ye have loved ♪
♪ One to another ♪
It's actually pretty. Yeah, it is.
It's a really, it's a... it's a Mormon...
When you're a young Mormon,
you're in a group called Primary,
and it's, like, all the young kids, like,
get together, and they all have
this rambunctious class where they learn about God.
And you learn, like, these songs together.
Primary songs, yeah. Primary songs.
Like children's hymns, basically. Yeah.
And one of them, first ones you learn is "Love One Another."
Which is a really rad... It's actually beautiful.
Yeah. It's a beautiful song,
and the whole point of it is about
just love one another, and so...
It's interesting that that gets lost in...
you know, when it's really just such a simple idea...
Totally. ...that we're taught super young in the church.
(choir singing)
John: A lot of Mormons are really
good-hearted, loving, kind, charitable people,
who want what's right, and they want to be kind
and loving and tolerant, but they have leaders
that are telling them what to think and how to behave.
If children have a happy family experience,
they will not want to be homosexuals,
which I am sure is an acquired addiction,
just as drugs, alcohol, and pornography are.
Adultery, fornication, committing homosexual acts,
and other deviations approaching these in gravity,
are not acceptable alternate lifestyles.
They are serious sins.
We regard same-sex marriage as a particularly grievous or, uh,
significant, serious kind of sin that requires church discipline.
John: Mormon leaders claim to talk to God,
so when the church make statements in the '80s and '90s and 2000s
that to be gay is evil, that to be in a same-sex,
uh, marriage or committed relationship is evil,
they're not just saying that as their own opinion.
They're basically saying that God speaks
to the leader of our church and takes that position.
As the church has seen in the past,
when the church takes a position,
and then the rest of the nation changes,
so in the late 1800s, the church was a polygamous church,
and the rest of the nation wasn't cool with that,
uh, the church was almost destroyed,
and so, the church had to change.
Fast-forward to the 1960s, the whole United States
is starting to support African-Americans and civil rights.
And the LDS church is opposing, um, the civil rights movement
and that almost destroyed the church.
And so in 1978, the church changes again.
He has heard our prayers, and by revelation has confirmed
that the long promised day
has come, when every faithful, worthy man
in the church may receive the holy priesthood.
John: So, just like the church eventually got rid of polygamy,
the church eventually accepted blacks into full fellowship.
Accordingly, all worthy male members of the church
may be ordained to the chur-- to the priesthood
without regard for race or color.
Dan: The church changed, and said, okay,
now is the time, God has spoken,
now you can have the priesthood.
The thing is you're not going to change God's will,
is basically what my mom said.
My mom said to me, when I told her
I was doing this, she was like, well,
just because you're a rock star dude,
you can't change God's will.
While we are to value
the rights and feelings of all of God's children,
we cannot change his doctrine. It is not ours to change.
False prophets and false teachers are those who
attempt to change the God-given,
and scripturally based doctrines
that protect the sanctity of marriage.
Dan: Just because you go and pound
on the brethren's door, and you're, like,
Thomas S. Monson, come on, change this, man.
Come on, change it!
He's not gonna change it for you, 'cause God's--
He's only doing what God tells him to do,
and God's not gonna change it for you.
But if all the members of a church are talking about something,
then the prophet's gonna pray about it more, right?
I think that maybe I'm one part of this puzzle that's, like,
you know, coming together, and hopefully the apostles
and the prophet go pray about it,
and God comes down and tells them what's up.
So, um, you know, there's a glimmer of hope,
and in the long-term, I think there's a lot of hope.
The question is, um,
how long will it take to get there,
and how many people will be hurt along the way?
♪ ♪
Alyson: So we have three kids,
and, um, Stockton is the youngest of the three.
And, really, our story kind of begins
with him at age 12,
us finding a letter
with him saying that he thought he was gay.
Dan: At earlier times in his life,
had either of you said, well, maybe he's gay?
Or do you think he's gay? Does he seem...?
No, we, um... yeah.
Our, uh, our gaydar was pretty weak.
(laughter)
Man: How did you think that they would react?
Um...
I thought they'd react kind of badly
'cause, I mean, they're Mormon.
Not all Mormons react kindly to that.
Um... I don't know.
I didn't really think they were gonna kick me out of the house.
I didn't think they were gonna be, "Oh yeah, you're gay. Cool."
I'll just kind of... hide it.
Man: Yeah.
You know, when we said, well, let's just kinda ride this out,
that wasn't his MO. His MO was,
Yeah, I think I'm gonna announce it at school tomorrow-type thing.
So... Yeah.
He had his own bullhorn. Yeah. He...
Alyson: You know, he was pretty proud and out.
Troy: I remember, um, I gave him...
this, a pink, neon pink T-shirt
that said, "Queer New World."
And he was so excited by this neon pink shirt
because it was gonna scandalize everyone in his school.
George: You know, he just thought,
Well, this is me. What's the problem?
And, unfortunately,
not everybody was ready for that.
When I was kind of internally realizing that I was gay,
I got handed a pamphlet
"For the Strength of Youth,"
and it said, homosexuality is a serious sin,
and I got very angry about that and...
um, it kind of just spiraled downward from there.
(playing "Falling Slowly")
Dan: So, did you feel that, even when he cut ties,
he probably still felt the sting... Yeah. Alyson: He was angry. Oh yeah.
He was angry.
And he just didn't feel safe... Dan: Yeah.
...in a place that he should've felt the safest.
♪ Words fall through me ♪
♪ And always fool me ♪
Troy: The rest of society around him
from church, to school, to government,
kept sending a message to Stockton that he was less than.
Alyson: You know, often kids would say to him,
I can associate with you,
but if my parents find out, then I can't.
It was always, you know, this constant,
"I like you, but..." or "I love you, but..."
♪ Take this sinking boat ♪
♪ And point it home ♪
♪ We've still got time ♪
I could sense, you know, his frustrations,
and his anger, and his fears.
He would say to me often, he'd say...
"What's so wrong with me that I just can't have friends?"
(sniffles)
♪ ♪
(song ends)
♪ ♪
Alyson: I really didn't see it coming.
We were in Saint George, and just, um...
got a call...
that he...
was gone.
(sniffles)
And...
Why didn't he call me?
Because I would have done anything.
(sniffles)
That's what breaks my heart is that he felt
that much despair, and that he...
Well, that he was alone. ...felt that alone.
George: He like all of us--
we're looking for the community.
Dan: Right. Your tribe.
And so, he was looking for his community and his tribe,
and, so he--
Yeah, it was, it was hard.
'Cause the community that should've been so loving
and accepting of him and appreciative of his--
of who he is just...
I mean, I think a lot of these kids
really did love him and accept him,
but they were at war with their dynamic.
They're being taught at church what they're gonna be taught at home.
Both: Right. Yeah.
We need more voices.
It's just, we need more voices.
And he deserves it.
♪ ♪
(distant crowd cheering)
♪ ♪
(loud cheering)
Dan: My heart is full tonight...
(crowd cheering louder)
...for so many reasons...
Dan: I think amidst all of this, a lot of people would wonder
why I even associate with Mormonism,
if, you know, it's causing this much harm.
Why not just walk away and be done?
We've lost our loved ones. We've lost them to suicide.
Dan: I'm not gonna just walk away, and let the house on fire burn.
I'd rather do all that I can with this lucky spot
that I've been put in to hopefully put out a fire.
♪ It's time to begin ♪
♪ Isn't it? ♪
Audience: ♪ I get a little bit bigger ♪
♪ But then I'll admit ♪
♪ I'm just the same as I was ♪
♪ Now don't you understand ♪
♪ That I'm never changing who I am ♪
(audience cheering)
I have these tools of, like, you know, hey,
if I wanna put on a festival, we're gonna put on a festival,
and at least some people are gonna come out
because Imagine Dragons is playing.
We can get this press, and we can get this interview
because of Imagine Dragons.
Woman (on phone): Dan, welcome to the show. How are you doing today?
I'm doing great. Um...
(fussing) I don't know if you can hear my baby
screaming in the background. (laughs)
We're doing this documentary. I'm also putting on a festival,
in Utah, August 26th, called LoveLoud.
There's gonna be parents who are gonna get up and speak who've,
who've lost their child to suicide.
Dan: LoveLoud was this ginormous beast, suddenly.
I was like okay, I'm gonna hire an assistant.
I don't think he had any idea what he was signing up for.
Uh, music festivals usually take at least a year.
And we're trying to pull this off in a few months.
We're gonna, hopefully, create enough rumblings
that it's gets a ton of press coverage
and that people start to understand
that telling your child that it's sinful to be gay
can be so destructive.
Are you worried about fans being, maybe, turned off by activism?
You know. "Come on, Dan. Just play your music." Sure.
I have to pay attention to my heart
and speak the things that are in my heart.
I felt that by not speaking out,
I was doing a big disservice to my community.
My goal is to change this in the church,
and not to say that I can change the church,
but at least to bring together a ton of people who are Mormon
who have said, you know, we've had enough with this.
♪ And I'm never changing who I am ♪
♪ ♪
(cheering, whistling)
(cheering fades)
Tyler: I first met Dan in 2006,
when I was a shy, closeted singer
in a local band in Provo, Utah, called Neon Trees.
(applause, cheers)
Dan, it's unbelievably exciting to see you use your platform
to spread the love you have in your heart.
That is the heroic move.
We have a special message for you from one of our fans.
Hi Dan. My name's Miranda.
I am 16, and I am bisexual,
but before anything else, I wanna say congratulations!
What you're doing makes a difference.
What you're doing means so much to people like me,
and I cannot thank you enough for it.
(applause)
Tyler: The Trevor Project is proud to honor
my dear friend, Dan Reynolds,
with the Trevor Hero Award.
Please join me in a round of applause.
(applause, cheers)
(laughs)
(chatting indistinctly)
Good luck. All right. All right.
Dan: Uh...
I loved a lot of my mission. I did a ton of service work.
I lost myself. I became nothing.
You're the geeky, stupid-looking dude,
with the name badge and it's...
and you get Slurpees thrown at you, and it's,
it's humbling. It's humbling, and it was, it was good for me.
But I want to-- I'm sure you're wondering, where is he going with all this?
And this is, this is where I'm going with it.
For those two years,
when people asked me what the doctrine was,
and they said, "Hey, I am gay, or I feel, you know,
"like I'd feel like, I like girls,
and what do I do about this?"
I taught that it was a sin
because that's what I had been raised to teach.
I never felt it in my heart since I was young.
I hold regret about that to this day.
I wish I could knock all those doors.
I wish I could re-knock them, and tell them that I was wrong.
I can't do that.
All I can do is come forward to you today and tell you,
I sincerely am sorry. I, really, in my heart...
(applauding, cheering)
Thank you for this. This is such a great honor.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
And I know... I know it's been said, but love is love.
Love is love. Thank you so much.
(cheering)
Dan: We're less than two months out from the LoveLoud Festival,
which is super intimidating and scary for a million reasons
because it feels like we're still just getting stuff together.
Man: And just say, "Take one." Take one.
I'm here to make a very special announcement.
On August 26th, in the Provo area,
we're gonna be putting on a concert called LoveLoud...
Lance: So with LoveLoud, we knew it was important to be in Utah.
And I don't want to say that people were intentionally
trying to curb this event.
We can give them a sponsorship, like a...
Lance: But when we started realizing
it was a lot of people being afraid to touch this issue.
Dan: I thought we were gonna have a massive park.
We're gonna show that the whole state of Utah
actually believes in this.
The reality hitting me is that not all of Utah wants this.
I had tons of people who were like,
you shouldn't talk about how we have, like,
any issues with suicide.
Let's not talk about that.
I'm a little nervous to even click on the comments section, to be honest with you here.
"I know many LGBTQ-XYZ people,
"and while I treat them like any other person I know,
I don't agree with their choices to live that lifestyle."
Aja: People might laugh because they might say, like,
why is this straight white guy the poster child for this now?
I don't know. People love to hate, you know?
So, we'll see what happens.
Dan: "Ditch Your Imagine Dragons Music because Dan Reynolds Embraced the Poz."
P-O-Z.
So I had no idea what that was, so I googled it.
"Gay slang, willing to have sex with someone who is HIV positive
by someone who is not."
You start to feel,
upset that it's, like, so blatantly obvious.
Like, look how obvious this is!
Like, of course we have to love and accept everybody.
Come on, guys!
Robert: It's a terrible challenge to go into this intersection
of LGBT individuals and communities of faith,
which requires sensitivity on both sides,
and a lot of nuance,
and that is not an easy spot to be
when you're someone like Dan.
Dan: You know, I just did an interview with Billboard,
and my family saw it, and that's been a little difficult.
Feeling like the family thinks that I'm doing something wrong,
or I'm, like, making them look like bigots or something.
That's, that's been, probably, the hardest thing for me.
Robert: The risk is that in going to this vulnerable intersection,
of not just, I wanna help LGBT individuals
have more peace and love and acceptance in their lives,
but I'm gonna have an event in Provo, Utah,
and I'm going to talk about Mormon doctrine.
Will you express it in a way that sounds like
kicking somebody when they're down or throwing a stone?
Or will it come across as someone that's
putting his arms around his fellow brothers and sisters,
and saying, hey, let's do better.
It makes the family nervous.
But I love Dan and know he wants to do good.
I know he's trying to be good, and I know he means well.
♪ ♪
(Dan humming)
(humming continues)
(keyboard clicks)
(vocalizing melody)
(indistinct singing)
♪ If I were you ♪
♪ I'd run away ♪
♪ Closing your eyes and count to 10 ♪
♪ Bird in the sky ♪
♪ Peace in your mind ♪
Dan: There was a week in particular
where everything with LoveLoud was basically falling apart.
Why is it so much more difficult than I thought it would be?
Like, you just say, "Hey, let's all meet in this park, this day and do something."
Dan: As of yesterday, our whole team
that we have together was kinda feeling like,
we needed to cancel the event.
(man over speaker)
Dan: Utah was just making it too impossible to put it on.
♪ If I was me ♪
♪ Weight on my back ♪
♪ Feeling the sun upon my eyes ♪
♪ Where would I turn? ♪
♪ What would I burn? ♪
♪ I am a pawn within your hand ♪
♪ So many voices ♪
(man over speaker)
♪ Carving my blood into the stone ♪
♪ What do I do? ♪
♪ Where do I turn? ♪
♪ Even my screams cease to be heard ♪
Woman 1: Bye, everybody. Bye.
Man 1: Thanks, everyone. Bye. Okay.
Man 2: All right. Woman 2: Thank you.
(phone beeps)
♪ To be alone ♪
♪ So many choices ♪
I was on a, a phone call
with, um, one of my fund-raisers,
just going over a bunch of details,
and my phone, uh, my phone kept ringing.
I looked down, and it was my mom.
I was like, ah, Mom. (chuckles)
Then she called again, and then she called a third time.
And at that point, I realized, I need to talk to my mom.
And, uh...
So I just said, hey, I need to end this call.
I need to call my mom.
And I called my mom, and, um...
she was hysterical.
♪ ♪
She told me my brother, Landon,
had just hung himself...
(sniffles)
(sighs) ...in Provo.
(sniffles)
(sighs)
♪ In praise of you ♪
♪ Our faith is strong ♪
♪ We'll raise our colors high in the blue ♪
♪ And cheer our Cougars of BYU ♪
♪ Oh, rah, rah, rah-rah-rah ♪
Lance: So Landon was attending BYU, the...
LDS church's university.
He also had a, uh, really cool girlfriend,
and he'd kinda blossomed down there.
And then he and his girlfriend, they had sex,
which is against the honor code.
Landon was honest with the university
and explained what had happened, and told them.
And they said...
(scoffs)
...you're kicked out for five years, and...
you can't associate with any of your professors.
You're done.
It started to put him into a downward spiral of depression
and emotional wound after emotional wound, it was... it was hard for him.
Even though in the eyes of his,
his God, he was clean.
In the culture there, he wasn't.
He was just a sinner.
And, uh, that's how a lot of people looked at him.
As less than.
He just felt worthless.
(sighs)
So it was really hard, because...
(sighs)
...night after night, day after day,
I'm spending all my time trying to bring this...
trying to bring this festival to life,
to save lives and to help people not feel alone.
(sighs)
♪ ♪
Lance: It breaks my heart knowing that Landon got to a point
where he believed that the only way his soul
could go on was for it to leave his body.
(sniffles)
And the harsh reality is that,
I mean, here in Utah, the leading cause of death
for teenagers is suicide.
♪ ♪
I think we all can agree that we need to find a solution to this.
And it's gonna take every single one of us in this room
to make a difference.
I believe, and I know, that...
Mormons are good people.
That...
we have sincere hearts.
That we're no, no less...
broken than any other society.
Um...
But the way that our culture is failing right now
is in a very unique way,
and in a deadly way.
♪ ♪
The shaming that happens in this culture needs to end.
I believe in a higher power,
and I believe in goodness and love,
and I know we can do this.
This isn't some insurmountable task.
It's feasible because I believe in us.
♪ ♪
I had to respond to him, and I said,
Lance, I'm so sorry that your brother just committed suicide.
You don't have to do this anymore.
You know? You don't have to be on these calls. Please.
Like, go take off time with your family.
Like, you could, like, I'll do LoveLoud.
And he... he just refuses.
He texted me and he says,
"I'm gonna be with my family for a few days,
"but will still be working on everything and want you to know
"we will make it happen.
"No one deserves to feel the way my mother does right now,
"and I'm going to work my hardest to ensure
"that this suicide epidemic ends, man.
"This is so wrong and has to stop.
"I know you're stressing about this festival,
"but I assure you, we're going to pull this off.
"There are too many things going right.
"LoveLoud is going to happen
and it's going to change the world."
Dan: He just said, we're going to do this, Dan.
We can do this.
I have an idea. Let's do it grassroots.
We don't need to get a bunch of money.
We don't need to dumb it down
or clean it up or make it more vanilla to get sponsors.
You know, you told me on the phone that
if we didn't get the money,
we'd go stand in a park on... (chuckles)
...on a soapbox, and just scream to the world
that things needed to change in Utah.
We want it to be a safe space for everybody to come out and be able to...
feel the love and acceptance together for LGBTQ youth,
and we want them to hear it with resounding cries from all across Utah.
Dan: We went from the event not happening,
to me begging people to take it on.
We have the chance to do something
that's really powerful and great,
but, um,
it has been, doing it in Utah has been difficult.
Finally, we got somebody who said okay, we can do it,
if we do it in this ballpark,
and we're gonna have to set it up the morning of,
so we need a small stage you can roll in.
Newsman: A mutual love of music is a great way to foster love,
understanding and acceptance. That's how our next guest
wants to support the LGBTQ community...
Dan: It's basically come together in such a crazy, last minute way,
that every single person told me that I was stupid doing it.
♪ ♪
(lively chattering)
Yeah, I guess I've never thought about
how big the church is versus the band,
how influential the church is versus the band.
I guess if I really stand back and look at it, it's like,
the band reaches millions, millions,
and we put out a video and it's like 500 million views.
All: Good morning, America!
(cheering)
Dan: We have a show in November,
in Salt Lake City that's sold out,
and it sold out super fast,
and it's 20,000 people plus.
We figured, oh, when we do this LoveLoud,
it's just gonna sell out.
And so, when we put up the tickets, it's just nowhere
near selling as fast as an Imagine Dragons show sells.
I mean, that tells you everything you need to know.
In order for Mormons to feel safe to come to this,
the truth is Mormons will feel safe about something
when the prophet says to feel safe about something.
Lance: We know that there are conversations going on
in the, the hierarchy of the church.
I don't know fully what they look like.
I hope that the church is able to make a statement,
and to let people know
that these conversations are okay to have.
If the prophet said,
"Hey, LoveLoud is cool,"
then that would be incredible, and that would shift,
that would be, like, everything I could ever hope for.
For me, that is a bridge
that has never been, like,
that is not a bridge that, that has been created.
It would be the most amazing,
huge step of progress if the church says,
hey, there's this LGBTQ event, and yeah, even the guy who's
behind it doesn't believe that it's a sin to be gay,
and, well, here's a stamp of approval.
Like that, to me, I'm like...
amazing! It'd be amazing.
So yeah, I've just, I've been waiting on, uh,
pins and needles to see if they're gonna,
uh, come through with a proposal,
and, and I hope it's sooner rather than later.
♪ ♪
Aja: Do you know what Daddy is doing?
Arrow: What?
So, Daddy's putting on a festival
because he wants people to understand
that...
um, that...
Do you know what being gay is?
Do you remember how we talked about how, like,
boys can love boys, and girls can love girls,
or they can love,
girls can love boys or boys can love girls?
Uh-huh, and-- And sometimes, what?
And sometimes girls wanna be a boy,
and sometimes boys wanna be girls,
and girls wanna be boys.
And then what can happen? Remember, I told you sometimes
people can be mean to that person.
Yeah. Yeah.
And so we have to be, protect that person, huh?
Yeah.
So, the festival's called LoveLoud...
because it means, "love everybody,
no matter what."
(crickets chirping)
Aja: I saw something on your phone, so you better read it.
Okay. It's 10:30 PM.
Uh, 10:30 PM, we were just about to go to bed,
and it's August... 14th. Sunday. Yeah.
Yeah. So, we're like a week out.
Is that right? Yeah. No, I don't know.
Arrow starts school tomorrow.
I don't know what... We have 10 days. Like 10 days.
10 days. Anyway. Okay.
We have the church's statement.
Quote,
"We applaud the Love--" It's long. Geez. (gasps)
Quote, "We applaud the LoveLoud Festival
for LGBTQ youths..."
First of all, I've never heard the church say, "LGBTQ."
It's always, they say, "same-sex attraction."
I've never... This is, that's...
I've never, ever heard them say that.
Awesome. (sighs)
"We applaud the LoveLoud Festival's...
"Festival for LGBTQ youth's aim
"to bring people together to address teen safety,
"and to express respect and love for all of God's children.
"We join our voice with all
"who come together to foster a community of inclusion
"in which no one is mistreated because of who...
they are or what they believe."
(gasps) (sighs)
"Who they are."
(laughs) I know, that's big.
"We share common beliefs. Among them,
"the pricelessness of our youth,
"and the value of families.
"We earnestly hope this festival and others,
"other related efforts can build respectful communication,
"better understanding and civility
as we all learn from each other."
That's really great, babe. It's a step.
(chuckling)
That's pretty awesome.
Man: Check, check, one, two.
Pole mic one.
(instruments tuning)
Wireless one, one, two. Wireless one...
(sighs) (pumping)
(laughing)
This is the reality of life.
Dan and I both have nerves, and we're, like, nervous,
but I just think that there's some sort of a deeper feeling of just, like...
I feel like this is the kind of stuff that life is really, the purpose of it all.
So, there's, like, a real gratification
in actually pulling something like this off,
even though it hasn't been pulled off yet,
but-- (clears throat)
I feel like it's just...
(toilet flushing)
(sighs) Just one of those, it's, opens your heart, you know?
It feels amazing. (door opens)
(sighs)
Oh my gosh, seriously? (laughs)
Let's not put that in there.
Hey, babe. We gotta go, sweetie. We're so late.
Honey, we are fine!
We have 20 minutes, and I'm pumping.
The sooner we get there, the sooner we can--
the better chance we get of getting everybody in a room...
to have, like, a...
What do you want me to do? ...pow-wow with all the speakers and stuff.
Honey, what do you want me to do about this pumping?
Nothing. You're fine. I'm just...
being anxious. Sorry.
(sighs) I could help you pack while you're pumping.
Well, I, I like to pack.
I'm a control freak, remember?
Well, it's just literally
a matter of me zipping up your zipper over here.
Well, okay. Just start putting things away.
Yeah, I'll be honest. I don't know where you want these two things...
Oh please. Can you just ...let me do it?
(both laugh) Oh my gosh.
(sighs)
It's gonna be amazing.
'Kay? 'Kay.
I just have to go on stage and just...
Talk about-- (laughs) ...to all these people who are
completely opposites of each other to get along.
♪ ♪
All right, babe. You okay?
No.
We're gonna do it.
Okay. Let's do it.
(chattering)
Aja: All right, it's a good time to look and see if there's protesters.
You're making me so nervous today, hon.
I don't know why. What?
I don't know why. Why?
I don't know why.
I'm not supposed to be here to make you nervous.
I think I'm just making myself nervous,
and I just wanna blame it on you 'cause you're my wife.
(indistinct chatter)
Dan: The people in line, I'm just so curious to hear what people...
Aja: Are talking about.
Yeah. And what the line looks like,
and, like, who, who's coming to this.
Man: It seems like there's a lot
more people than just the LGBTQ,
and I'm really happy to see that.
I think what Dan Reynolds has done here
is, is really, uh, important for helping people to see,
and, and normalize the concept of, of us being
in the same world as them.
♪ ♪
I wish they could've been here, you know, 10 years ago.
I think it would've saved a lot of heartache for a lot of people.
Um,
yeah, I think it could've saved some lives.
Woman: Seeing how many people are out here supporting the cause is,
it's like a hope for humanity kinda thing. Yeah.
♪ ♪
(indistinct announcement)
(cheering)
Hey.
Yes! This is incredible!
This is the night that, uh,
I've been looking forward to for so long.
This is the most important stage I've ever been on.
(cheering)
Some people walked in tonight
feeling a little out of their comfort zones.
Feeling like, are people gonna judge me?
But guess what?
You came still.
I applaud you for that.
This speaks to the courage, to the love of the people of Utah
that I have known for years.
And to see this, for our LGBTQ youth,
I know speaks volumes to them,
so please give a round of applause, first and foremost, to yourself.
(cheering)
I gotta say that that means so much
to me and to the people who have put this together.
We've worked tirelessly and hard to be able to make
this a place for everybody. I hope that you know that.
There's no judgment cast on anybody.
There is a place for everybody here at this table.
We can all agree on one thing, and that's in love,
absolute, pure, complete love.
(cheering)
I wanna introduce you to the person who has me here today.
My everything. I am nothing without this individual.
She has shaped my life, opened my mind and my heart. Oh geez.
And she's also the greatest artist in the whole world.
I'm not biased. That's just the way it is.
It's my wife, Aja Volkman.
Come on out.
(cheering)
(cheering continues)
I can't talk, so I'm just gonna play. (laughs)
♪ Breathe in deep ♪
♪ This life ain't gonna be ♪
♪ Ea-ea-easy ♪
♪ Nobody said it'd be ♪
♪ So very ♪
♪ Hard ♪
(cheering)
♪ Don't lose faith ♪
Man: I was a seven-year-old, eight-year-old Mormon boy.
I was so afraid that I might be gay because if I was,
it would mean that I would lose my parents, my family,
the faith community that I love so much,
and if that seven-year-old boy
could have flashed forward and seen tonight,
with 20,000 Mormons here celebrating us,
I would have had more hope for the future.
And I hope that that the seven and eight-year-old queer kids out there
will feel hope for their future, as well.
♪ I need some more time ♪
♪ A couple last tears ♪
♪ Few more days ♪
♪ Before I disappear ♪
Aja: Thank you.
(crowd cheers wildly)
Thanks for coming.
(cheering continues)
Announcer: Give a LoveLoud Fest welcome to Savannah and her mother Heather!
(cheering)
Hi!
I was invited here to share my truth.
Thanks to you for giving me the space to speak today.
I believe I was made the way I am,
all parts of me, by my heavenly parents.
They did not mess up when they gave me brown eyes
or when I was born bald.
They did not mess up when they gave me freckles
or when I was made to be gay.
I want to love myself and not feel shame.
(cheering)
And I know my heavenly parents love and accept me.
Thank you.
(cheering)
(indistinct announcement)
Man: It's quite a privilege to be able to share your voice.
15 years ago, I was a student at BYU,
and I was coming out, and I was suicidal.
And I'm here, and I just got this hug from this little girl who stood up.
She's 13, and she just told everybody that God loves her
because He made her. I mean,
it took me until I was almost 30 to have that in my brain to say,
I don't have to be better or try to be better.
God made me exactly who I am. I'm the best I can be.
I'm exactly, exactly what He said.
I made you.
So, it's just been the most amazing thing.
I feel like I'm in a dream right now.
♪ ♪
John: It feels like Mormon Woodstock.
That's how it feels.
It feels like, uh, it feels like a historic moment, really.
It feels like, uh, we've, we've fought so hard for so long,
and finally, uh, we're able to do something significant.
We've reached critical mass.
A scripture I cherish says,
of God, that He inviteth all to come unto Him
and partake of His goodness.
And all are alike unto Him.
May this be a new beginning for all of us that
this community may hereafter be known
as a place of love for all.
(cheering)
♪ ♪
Woman: The church did, um, endorse this, right? Yeah, that was great.
But now, for me, I want them to put their money where their mouth is.
If they're gonna say, we love all of our LGBT people,
then let's get rid of that policy,
and let's bring them into full fellowship.
I mean, for me, personally, nothing less will do.
Yeah. Because you can say, I love you, all you want,
but until you act on that
in a way that feels inclusive and complete,
then it's, it's a no-go.
Tyler: I totally get where people are coming from where they say,
like, it's a big step. It's historic that they're approving
of anything, uh, LGBT related, but I don't know.
I'm a little salty because there's still a policy intact,
and it doesn't take away from everyone that,
the pain that I went through.
Like,
that policy caused me to completely go through a faith crisis.
I've, you know, had suicidality this last year.
Like, I don't know where I fit in all the time,
and that's because of them.
It's a tiny step with the church.
It's a huge step for this area.
I'm the mother of a 17-year-old gay son
that we lost to suicide a year ago.
We work hard to spread the message of unconditional love
for all of God's children, so heartbreaking stories...
like mine won't happen again.
(cheering)
George: I'm absolutely just blown away.
This is a great message to parents to say, you know what?
It is okay to love your gay kids.
And I think the thing is kinda hitting me the most is, uh...
♪ ♪
I know Stockton is really proud.
He's really proud.
Yeah.
He would be dancing. (laughing) He's up there just glowing.
(laughing)
Probably... dancing with no clothes on.
(both laugh)
That's the truth!
I was gonna say it, but he did.
George: He's lovin' this.
(music grows louder)
♪ Oh, oh ♪
♪ I want some more ♪
♪ Oh, oh ♪
♪ What are you waitin' for? ♪
♪ Say goodbye to my heart ♪
♪ Tonight ♪
(cheering)
You have to know how much it means
to me personally, in my heart,
to play at this event
with my band, Neon Trees,
on this stage in front of this crowd.
(cheering)
Being an openly gay man performing
with my band up here should speak volumes.
I am happy. I'm proud. I'm open.
I have friends and family that love me,
and you will, too.
(cheering)
Thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart.
♪ It started with a ♪
♪ Whisper ♪
♪ And that was when I ♪
♪ Kissed her ♪
I mean, it was a her, at the time.
(scattered laughter)
And then I found out...
♪ Everybody talks ♪
♪ It started with a whisper ♪
♪ And that was when I kissed her ♪
♪ And then she made my lips hurt ♪
♪ I can hear the chitchat ♪
♪ Take me to your love shack ♪
♪ Mamas always gotta backtrack ♪
♪ When everybody talks back ♪
♪ Everybody talks, everybody talks ♪
Crowd: ♪ Everybody talks, everybody talks ♪
♪ Back ♪
Ooh!
(cheering)
Tyler: LoveLoud, good night!
♪ ♪
Announcer: Are you guys ready for Imagine Dragons?
(cheering swells)
("Believer" playing)
♪ First things first ♪
♪ I'ma say all the words inside my head ♪
♪ I'm fired up and tired of the way that things have been ♪
♪ Oh, oh ♪
♪ Yeah, the way that things have been ♪
♪ Oh, oh ♪
♪ Second thing second ♪
♪ Don't you tell me what you think that I should be ♪
♪ I'm the one at the sails, I'm the master of my sea ♪
♪ Oh, oh ♪
♪ Yeah, the master of my sea ♪
♪ Oh, oh ♪
♪ But they never did, ever lived, ebbing and flowing, inhibited, limited ♪
♪ Till it broke up and it rained down ♪
♪ It rained down, like ♪
♪ Pain ♪
♪ You made me a, you made me a believer ♪
♪ Believer ♪
♪ You break me down, you built me up, believer ♪
♪ ♪
(muffled cheers under music)
(music and cheering continues)
(muffled cheering continues)
♪ ♪
(rock music blares)
(loud cheering)
(music fades)
♪ ♪
Dan: LoveLoud was everything we could've hoped for and more.
It showed,
it's not just me, as a Mormon,
who is antsy for change.
The whole Mormon community came out in droves to say,
this is a place, uh, within the church that is broken.
How can we fix it?
♪ ♪
Leading up to LoveLoud, uh, the church
obviously, reached out to me,
and we have been having, kind of, an open dialogue.
Coming out of LoveLoud,
everybody was feeling
positive momentum.
I had been extremely excited for General Conference.
And general conference happens twice a year.
It's where the apostles, and the prophets speak,
uh, like on live television to the world,
and to all the Mormons. And I think a lot of Mormons,
myself, were waiting to hear an apostle say,
now let's start to do something to change this.
Members of
the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
are blessed with unique doctrine
and different ways of viewing the world.
We've witnessed a rapid and increasing public acceptance
of cohabitation without marriage
and same-sex marriage.
Dan: Elder Oaks talked about the Family Proclamation,
which is basically an old piece that was put together
from the church that was released about
marriage is between a man and a woman,
and these are the things that make up a good, healthy family.
The Family Proclamation begins by declaring that
marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God,
and that the family is central to the Creator's plan
for the eternal destiny of his children.
It also affirms that gender is an essential characteristic of
individual, premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.
Dan: The church basically just
doubled down on everything they've been pounding into
my head, and Mormons' heads for years, which is
to be gay, and act upon it, is a sin.
Marriage is between man and a woman.
Popular culture, popular people will try to tell you otherwise.
Dallin: Every generation has its tests,
and its chance to stand and prove itself.
I believe our attitude toward,
and use of the Family Proclamation,
is one of those tests for this generation.
I pray for all Latter-day Saints to stand firm in that test.
In light of LoveLoud,
that, for me, was a dark day
(laughs) to say the least.
It's a dark week, a dark month.
(strumming)
Dan: With that being said,
if there's one thing my Mormon values have taught me
since I was young...
♪ First things first ♪
♪ I'ma say all the words inside my head ♪
♪ I'm fired up and tired of the way that things have been ♪
♪ Oh... ♪
it's that no matter what the world says
about who you are, what you believe,
still do it, 100 percent.
(continues playing)
That spirit was the spirit that carried me through my mission.
I felt like I was bearing my truth,
regardless of what anybody thought about me.
That's all because of Mormonism and my parents,
and so they have all prepped me for this moment now.
♪ Pain, you made me a, you made me a believer ♪
♪ Believer ♪
♪ Pain, you break me down, you build me up, believer ♪
♪ Believer ♪
Dan: A determined Mormon is a scary thing.
I will tell you that.
Because they don't stop.
I knocked 100 doors to get into one door.
I knocked thousands of doors on my mission.
If there's one thing I can guarantee,
it's that I will continue to knock this door
until somebody answers.
♪ My life, my love, my drive, it came from ♪
♪ Pain ♪
♪ You made me a, you made me a believer ♪
♪ Believer ♪
(strums)
♪ ♪
♪ Wake up every morning ♪
♪ With a new resolve ♪
♪ Two hands and one heart ♪
♪ Let the world revolve ♪
Because of LoveLoud, my dad felt like he had
the permission to love and accept me for who I am,
and LoveLoud gave us a bonding,
and that I am really grateful for.
It gave me the guts to talk about my son's sexuality
in ways that I had never been able to before.
I've had four people come out to me since LoveLoud.
They said that LoveLoud gave them the courage to live their truth.
LoveLoud gave me the opportunity to tell my story,
and declare that I am worth it in front of thousands of people.
LoveLoud gave my family the chance to stand
shoulder to shoulder with our transgender son.
And not only him, but with neighbors and extended family,
who never would have ever shown up for an LGBT event.
LoveLoud gave me hope,
and inspiration that things can change.
That I, myself, can be a force for good in my own community.
Looking at this crowd of thousands of people,
I realize these are people I don't have to be scared of.
There's a lot of support
in my community that I didn't realize was there,
and it was honestly one of the best days of my life.
When I was 13, 14,
I felt completely isolated and silenced,
and it hasn't even been that long,
and I just feel so hopeful
about the future, and that
things will just keep getting better, and...
I hope it does.
♪ I keep skipping stones ♪
♪ Hoping for a change ♪
♪ But, things just stay the same ♪
♪ I keep walking roads ♪
♪ Looking for the home ♪
♪ That I can call my own ♪
♪ Skipping stones ♪
♪ I'm ♪
♪ Skipping stones ♪
♪ I'm ♪
♪ Skipping stones ♪
♪ I'm ♪
♪ Skipping stones ♪
♪ I'm ♪
♪ Skipping stones ♪
♪ I'm ♪
♪ Skipping stones ♪
♪ I'm ♪
♪ Skipping stones ♪
Dan: Love is not a product of reasonings and statistics.
It just comes,
and none knows whence.
It cannot explain itself.
Love is a madness.
If thwarted, it develops fast.
When you fish for love,
bait with your heart. Not your brain.
♪ ♪
♪ I keep skipping stones ♪
♪ Hoping for a change ♪
♪ But, things just stay the same ♪
♪ I keep walking roads ♪
♪ Looking for a home ♪
♪ That I can call my own ♪
♪ Skipping stones ♪
♪ I'm ♪
♪ Skipping stones ♪
♪ I'm ♪
♪ Skipping stones ♪
♪ I'm ♪
♪ Skipping stones ♪
♪ I'm ♪
♪ Skipping stones ♪
♪ I'm ♪
♪ Skipping stones ♪
♪ I'm ♪
♪ Skipping stones ♪
(music ends)