1
00:01:37,998 --> 00:01:39,897
Santa?

2
00:01:40,734 --> 00:01:44,738
Holy crap, Boyd. What the hell
you doing back there, buddy?

3
00:01:44,838 --> 00:01:46,306
Waiting on Santa Claus?

4
00:01:46,406 --> 00:01:48,742
Aren't you getting a little
old for Santa Claus?

5
00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:50,077
I'm five.

6
00:01:50,177 --> 00:01:52,846
It's all a sham, Boyd.
The whole Goddamn deal.

7
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:55,415
I'm the only Santa
you're ever gonna know.

8
00:01:55,515 --> 00:01:58,285
If you know the truth,
it's easy to get through it all.

9
00:01:58,385 --> 00:02:01,355
In fact, let's see
what he brought you.

10
00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:04,558
<i>Meet my father, Mitch Mitchler.</i>

11
00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:07,394
All we need is a couple
of Chinese workers.

12
00:02:07,494 --> 00:02:09,961
<i>He was a little bit complicated.</i>

13
00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:23,477
<i>Maybe I was destined to become
an overcompensator as a dad,</i>

14
00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:27,081
<i>Christmas being the most
obvious manifestation of that.</i>

15
00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:29,847
Alright, here we go.
Okay, lean in, everyone.

16
00:02:30,583 --> 00:02:33,625
<i>I'm also a realist. I can't
control everything...</i>

17
00:02:33,726 --> 00:02:36,657
<i>- the weather, for instance.</i>
- Look Dad, it's snowing!

18
00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:40,594
- Well, Bug, that's actually fake snow.
- Because of global warming.

19
00:02:40,694 --> 00:02:45,465
<i>The warmest winter on record in the
Midwest assured a non-white Christmas.</i>

20
00:02:45,565 --> 00:02:49,302
<i>The bigger issue by far,
was the Santa conundrum.</i>

21
00:02:49,402 --> 00:02:52,339
<i>Vera was very much on
the fence, Santa-wise.</i>

22
00:02:52,439 --> 00:02:54,575
<i>But Douglas still believed.</i>

23
00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:56,476
Dad, why are there two Santas?

24
00:02:56,576 --> 00:02:57,878
<i>But for how much longer?</i>

25
00:02:57,978 --> 00:03:00,655
That guy's not Santa, Bug.
He probably smells like pee

26
00:03:00,756 --> 00:03:02,616
and burnt hair because
he's a welfare person.

27
00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:05,316
- Vera!
- Santa's not real anyway.

28
00:03:06,052 --> 00:03:08,188
Santa's not real, Dad?

29
00:03:08,288 --> 00:03:12,325
Of course Santa's real.
No one's not real.

30
00:03:12,425 --> 00:03:15,827
Everyone's real, including Santa.

31
00:03:18,464 --> 00:03:20,767
Vera, a word please.

32
00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:23,603
Whatever you think you know,
Vera, you don't.

33
00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:25,872
Most kids in my class don't
believe in Santa anymore.

34
00:03:25,972 --> 00:03:28,475
But Madison and me...
I mean Madison and I,

35
00:03:28,575 --> 00:03:31,378
we kinda still did,
except that Madison's sister,

36
00:03:31,478 --> 00:03:33,582
the one who did the BJ to this kid...

37
00:03:35,082 --> 00:03:37,984
Vera, you don't actually
know what the B...

38
00:03:38,084 --> 00:03:42,006
- what that expression means, do you?
- It stands for butt jam,

39
00:03:42,107 --> 00:03:44,558
and I think it has to do with jamming
stuff up your butt for money,

40
00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:48,195
but anyway, Madison's sister,
she showed us this website, nosanta.org.

41
00:03:48,295 --> 00:03:50,564
Well, Madison's sister is a
deceitful little strumpet.

42
00:03:50,664 --> 00:03:55,135
What Dad means is that it's okay for you
to decide about Santa, but Douglas...

43
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,471
He absolutely believes.

44
00:03:57,571 --> 00:04:00,607
And we won't want to do anything
to spoil Christmas for him, right?

45
00:04:00,707 --> 00:04:04,978
Oh, right, I won't spoil
it for Bug, Dad. Sorry.

46
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:07,078
Thank you.

47
00:04:11,116 --> 00:04:14,187
You are a very kind and
generous young man.

48
00:04:14,487 --> 00:04:20,160
And you are going to have a very
merry and special Christmas.

49
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:22,760
Oh ho ho ho!

50
00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:32,170
Hey, you wanna...

51
00:04:34,407 --> 00:04:38,712
I wasn't gonna ask if you wanna
smoke meth or kill a drifter.

52
00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:43,950
I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.
I just... I'm exhausted.

53
00:04:44,050 --> 00:04:46,586
I'm with you. I just
thought I should ask.

54
00:04:46,686 --> 00:04:48,722
One day we're gonna have to, right?

55
00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:52,723
Or, we could just enjoy the
slow descent into celibacy.

56
00:04:57,563 --> 00:05:00,500
How many years do
you think Bug has left

57
00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:05,004
where he walks into the living
room Christmas morning,

58
00:05:05,304 --> 00:05:07,207
he sees the tree,

59
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:10,776
and presents, his stomach just drops,

60
00:05:10,876 --> 00:05:14,378
because holy crap, Santa came?

61
00:05:16,448 --> 00:05:21,652
Can you imagine still having
that kind of belief in magic?

62
00:05:22,054 --> 00:05:25,125
Yeah, it's really cool.

63
00:05:25,725 --> 00:05:29,596
Do you think you're overcompensating

64
00:05:29,696 --> 00:05:33,700
- on the Christmas thing, just a tad?
- Overcompens... on the Christmas thing?

65
00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:36,603
No! I don't think that at all.
He's six years old.

66
00:05:36,703 --> 00:05:40,007
- Okay, this is your brother, again.
- Pass.

67
00:05:40,107 --> 00:05:42,209
You can't keep pretending
your family doesn't exist.

68
00:05:42,309 --> 00:05:44,144
I'm pretty sure I can.

69
00:05:44,244 --> 00:05:48,145
Come on babe, take the call,
before it wakes the kids up.

70
00:05:50,349 --> 00:05:51,485
Hi, Nelson.

71
00:05:51,585 --> 00:05:54,154
- Whoa, that is spooky.
- How'd you know it was me?

72
00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:56,389
<i>We have caller ID,
so your number comes up.</i>

73
00:05:56,489 --> 00:05:58,792
Just right there on the phone?

74
00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:00,794
Boy, that is something.
I gotta look into that.

75
00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:03,696
- You know, that's a miracle of science.
<i>- Yeah, you bet.</i>

76
00:06:03,996 --> 00:06:06,064
Hold on one sec, Boyd.

77
00:06:08,367 --> 00:06:12,005
Sorry to call you so late by the way.
Is it night time where you are, too?

78
00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:14,307
No, it's 10 here too,
because Chicago and Wisconsin-

79
00:06:14,407 --> 00:06:17,644
What is in the same time zone!

80
00:06:17,744 --> 00:06:19,946
Yeah, we're in the same time zone.

81
00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:23,283
I don't know if you caught that,
I said it like Jeopardy.

82
00:06:23,483 --> 00:06:25,085
<i>So what do you need?</i>

83
00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:27,554
Oh, oh, right. So anyway,
I'm calling to tell you:

84
00:06:27,654 --> 00:06:30,056
I scored myself a kid, a little boy.

85
00:06:30,157 --> 00:06:32,259
- I'm a dad.
- Really?

86
00:06:32,359 --> 00:06:34,694
- He seems to have procreated.
- Eeww.

87
00:06:34,794 --> 00:06:37,230
I was calling to say,

88
00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:41,401
- I want you to be the godfather.
- Really? We would be honoured.

89
00:06:41,501 --> 00:06:44,816
That is just the best, Boyd.
Jeez, that is so...

90
00:06:44,917 --> 00:06:47,974
I know it's short notice but
the baptism's on the 24th.

91
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:50,277
<i>Oh, absolutely. We wouldn't
miss it for the world.</i>

92
00:06:50,377 --> 00:06:52,846
- Sweet.
- January or February?

93
00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:56,182
No Boyd, December. December 24th.
Oh, you can't wait for it.

94
00:06:56,282 --> 00:06:58,784
December? What?

95
00:06:58,884 --> 00:07:02,355
Nelson, you can't have a
baptism on Christmas Eve.

96
00:07:02,455 --> 00:07:04,224
It doesn't...

97
00:07:04,324 --> 00:07:06,726
Wait that would mean

98
00:07:06,826 --> 00:07:10,764
that I'd have to spend
Christmas with Dad.

99
00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:13,133
I'll smoke in my Goddamn
house if I want to.

100
00:07:13,233 --> 00:07:16,336
It's my house. Name's right
there on the mortgage.

101
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:19,739
Right there on the mailbox.
His name on the mortgage, Donna?

102
00:07:19,839 --> 00:07:23,677
His name on the friggin' mailbox?
No sir, it is not, didn't think so.

103
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:27,213
Ipso facto ergo,
not his Goddamn house.

104
00:07:27,313 --> 00:07:30,350
Jeezo! Man you exhaust me, Mitch.

105
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:34,688
You know it is a dream come true for me
to have my family home on Christmas.

106
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:36,957
There's no way they were
gonna get a motel room now

107
00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:39,225
at this late date,
and with Boyd's asthma...

108
00:07:39,325 --> 00:07:42,929
Asthma? Any other restrictions
Captain Wheezy wants to put on me?

109
00:07:43,529 --> 00:07:45,997
Well, there is one more thing.

110
00:07:46,666 --> 00:07:49,536
I was planning on doing venison
for Christmas Eve supper,

111
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:52,772
but apparently, Boyd's
family doesn't eat red meat

112
00:07:52,872 --> 00:07:55,140
- and I was...
- Christ's sake!

113
00:08:12,424 --> 00:08:14,227
Is that all of Douglas' stuff?

114
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:17,263
- Si. What about Vera's?
- I hid it in the car this morning.

115
00:08:17,363 --> 00:08:20,266
- Oh, you're aces!
- Tu tambien!

116
00:08:20,366 --> 00:08:23,209
- So, you ready to see your dad?
- Yeah, can't wait.

117
00:08:23,310 --> 00:08:25,739
- I'm actually looking forward to it.
- Really?

118
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:28,842
No, I'd rather be sodomized
by an angry clown!

119
00:08:28,942 --> 00:08:31,978
I just want the kids to
have a good Christmas.

120
00:08:32,078 --> 00:08:33,079
Me, too.

121
00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:36,149
- Dad?
- Hey, hi, what are you doing?

122
00:08:36,249 --> 00:08:37,317
Hi, Dougie doodle.

123
00:08:37,417 --> 00:08:39,252
Who's gonna feed Dale
while we're gone?

124
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:41,287
- Oh, that would be...
- Farhad.

125
00:08:41,387 --> 00:08:43,390
- Who's Farhad?
- Mom's ESL student.

126
00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:46,793
- What's ESL?
- Remember, English as a second language?

127
00:08:46,893 --> 00:08:49,326
- Why don't you tell him, Dad?
- I'll race you upstairs.

128
00:08:58,571 --> 00:09:03,076
<i>Jingle bells, jingle bells,
jingle all the way.</i>

129
00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:07,614
<i>Oh, what fun it is to ride
in a one-horse open sleigh.</i>

130
00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:10,217
<i>Dashing through the snow.</i>

131
00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:12,819
<i>In a one-horse open sleigh.</i>

132
00:09:12,919 --> 00:09:15,121
<i>O'er the fields we go.</i>

133
00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:17,457
<i>Laughing all the way.</i>

134
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:19,759
<i>Bells on Bobtail ring.</i>

135
00:09:19,859 --> 00:09:22,126
<i>Making spirits bright.</i>

136
00:09:24,964 --> 00:09:28,134
- Son of a bitch.
- Mom, Dad said "bitch."

137
00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:31,071
Bitch isn't a bad word, Bug.
Neither is bastard or ass.

138
00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:32,503
Hey, you guys, come on.

139
00:09:38,978 --> 00:09:43,050
Hey, we're twins!
Ha ha ha, merry Christmas!

140
00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:46,184
Licence and proof of
insurance, please.

141
00:09:47,386 --> 00:09:48,822
Awesome.

142
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:53,093
So, I did clock you doing
67 in a 45, Mr. Mitchler.

143
00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:57,013
Yeah, the bum deal about that is,
it's a 450-dollar infraction,

144
00:09:57,114 --> 00:10:02,068
but there is some good news. You can pay
online now, in the state of Wisconsin.

145
00:10:02,168 --> 00:10:04,404
Yeah, it's a real sweet website,
takes Discover,

146
00:10:04,504 --> 00:10:09,309
so you get the cash back which,
you know, helps out.

147
00:10:09,409 --> 00:10:11,444
Alright, kids,
hope Santa treats you good!

148
00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:12,946
Take care! Merry Christmas!

149
00:10:13,046 --> 00:10:16,049
- Merry Christmas.
- You bet.

150
00:10:22,187 --> 00:10:26,392
- Oh, where the heck can they be?
- Oh, don't get your knickers in a knot.

151
00:10:26,492 --> 00:10:29,129
- You having a good time, Dad?
- Oh yeah, I'm delirious.

152
00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:30,931
I want some milk.

153
00:10:31,031 --> 00:10:33,533
You have to wait 'til supper
like the rest of us, Cale.

154
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:37,070
- Where is the sex offender?
- He's not a sex offender!

155
00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:40,073
What should I call
him then, Willy Wanker?

156
00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:42,075
With the help of our
marriage counsellor,

157
00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:45,044
me and Dave have worked
through his transgressions.

158
00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:49,580
So my husband, Dad,
is outside smoking a heater.

159
00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:03,430
Dad, Rance is being a gomer!

160
00:11:03,530 --> 00:11:07,433
Hey you guys, cut it out! Where the
hell did you get that thing from?

161
00:11:07,533 --> 00:11:08,502
I took it.

162
00:11:08,602 --> 00:11:11,502
Well, put it the hell back
from where you took it from!

163
00:11:16,441 --> 00:11:17,911
Thank you.

164
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:22,715
Aw, crud, I can't find my camera.
Mitch, go look for it, will you?

165
00:11:22,815 --> 00:11:24,695
For cripe's sake,
we're not National Geographic.

166
00:11:24,717 --> 00:11:26,119
They're not some bunch of bonobos.

167
00:11:26,219 --> 00:11:28,855
Mitch, they have never
been here for Christmas.

168
00:11:28,955 --> 00:11:32,158
Well, whose fault is that? Not mine. Boyd's
the one who thinks he's too good for us.

169
00:11:32,258 --> 00:11:34,861
Having my family here
means everything to me.

170
00:11:34,961 --> 00:11:40,297
So quit being such an a-hole,
and go look for my G-D camera!

171
00:11:42,100 --> 00:11:44,004
They're here!

172
00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:46,905
Shut up, tramp stamp!

173
00:11:48,641 --> 00:11:51,478
Mitch, hurry up, Boyd's here.

174
00:11:51,678 --> 00:11:54,647
- Boyd!
- Hey! Oh, honey!

175
00:11:54,747 --> 00:11:57,784
- Mom!
- I love you.

176
00:11:57,884 --> 00:12:02,155
I love you. It's great to be home.
You are looking fine as wine.

177
00:12:02,255 --> 00:12:04,958
Can you believe it, Boyd,
all of us together at Christmas!

178
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:07,026
I know, it's great.
Well, where's the Nel?

179
00:12:07,126 --> 00:12:09,295
Nelson and the baby are
meeting us at church.

180
00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:11,414
- Gotcha.
- Isn't this perfect, Boyd?

181
00:12:11,515 --> 00:12:13,398
This is perfect.

182
00:12:19,238 --> 00:12:21,641
Stop! Don't hurt me!

183
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:23,507
Don't... don't...

184
00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:31,519
- Dad, you okay?
- I'm fine.

185
00:12:31,619 --> 00:12:35,086
You're welcome, anytime.
You're family.

186
00:12:40,625 --> 00:12:42,863
You okay?

187
00:12:43,863 --> 00:12:45,164
Puba!

188
00:12:45,264 --> 00:12:47,367
Dougie Doodle!
How are you, little bugger?

189
00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:52,272
Everybody get together for a quick photo,
and then we gotta get ready for church.

190
00:12:52,872 --> 00:12:57,474
<i>That glorious song of old.</i>

191
00:12:58,009 --> 00:13:04,014
<i>From angels bending near the earth.</i>

192
00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:09,219
<i>To touch their harps of gold</i>

193
00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:17,294
<i>goodwill to men from
heavens all gracious king.</i>

194
00:13:17,396 --> 00:13:21,668
<i>I really don't know the words to say.</i>

195
00:13:21,768 --> 00:13:26,771
<i>So now I don't have to sing.</i>

196
00:13:29,841 --> 00:13:34,947
Well, of course most of you
remember my wife, Cindy,

197
00:13:35,047 --> 00:13:37,850
and might have known
that when I was in basic,

198
00:13:37,950 --> 00:13:41,421
over by Fort Digs, she ran
off with this Mexican guy,

199
00:13:41,521 --> 00:13:44,324
who played a little minor
league ball for the Wombats.

200
00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:47,527
Pretty halfway decent shortstop.

201
00:13:47,627 --> 00:13:50,697
Anyhow, he got her pregnant,
this Mexican guy did,

202
00:13:50,797 --> 00:13:54,033
so Cindy comes by the
house one day, and goes,

203
00:13:54,133 --> 00:13:58,071
"Hey Nelson, would you mind looking
after the baby for a while?"

204
00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:01,140
And I said, "Yeah,
yeah sure, no sweat."

205
00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:05,144
And anyhow, that was six months ago
and I still got this kid of hers, so.

206
00:14:05,244 --> 00:14:10,016
He don't have a name that I know of,
so I've just been calling him Baby.

207
00:14:10,116 --> 00:14:13,019
But you know, he is
a real, real good boy.

208
00:14:13,119 --> 00:14:16,489
And that's why I want
to name him Boyd,

209
00:14:16,589 --> 00:14:21,260
after my own big brother, who is
just a heck of a good guy himself.

210
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:24,097
So, I am presenting Boyd Jr.

211
00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:29,699
As a candidate for holy baptism.

212
00:14:32,138 --> 00:14:35,272
Except I figure I'm
gonna call him BJ.

213
00:14:37,843 --> 00:14:40,079
Welcome to the family, BJ.

214
00:14:40,179 --> 00:14:44,617
Dear God, I look around this
table, and I see a family.

215
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:48,821
I know we're not perfect, Lord God,
even though some people think they are.

216
00:14:48,921 --> 00:14:53,693
We've all got foibles,
peccadilloes if you will.

217
00:14:53,793 --> 00:14:56,829
I'm not gonna name names, Dave;
It's not the time or the place.

218
00:14:56,929 --> 00:14:59,332
Anyhow I just want to say,
thank you, Lord Jesus,

219
00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:02,235
Lamb of God, for bringing
us together here.

220
00:15:02,335 --> 00:15:05,258
And now each one of us is gonna say
something they're thankful for.

221
00:15:05,359 --> 00:15:08,274
- Donna, do it.
- Oh,

222
00:15:08,374 --> 00:15:12,576
I'm thankful little BJ's
christening went okay.

223
00:15:13,378 --> 00:15:16,616
But mostly I'm thankful
we're all here together.

224
00:15:16,716 --> 00:15:18,351
That's a dream for me.

225
00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:20,987
- Skol.
- Skol!

226
00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:23,022
It's a prayer Donna,
not a toast, come on.

227
00:15:23,122 --> 00:15:26,759
- Shauna, you're up.
- Oh. I'm grateful

228
00:15:26,859 --> 00:15:31,030
that through the grace
of our Lord Jesus Christ,

229
00:15:31,130 --> 00:15:35,601
I'm able to forgive all of you for
all the pain you've caused me,

230
00:15:35,701 --> 00:15:39,038
and, thanks to me and
Dave's marriage counsellor,

231
00:15:39,138 --> 00:15:41,774
we are back on the marriage train,

232
00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:45,645
and we are gonna ride it all
the way into the station.

233
00:15:45,745 --> 00:15:47,411
Right?

234
00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:52,528
Well, I got one. I thank God that he
gave me the ability to give 110 percent,

235
00:15:52,629 --> 00:15:54,854
and take first for the WISEA
under-fourteen regionals.

236
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:59,125
WISEA stands for Wisconsin
Competitive Eating Association.

237
00:15:59,225 --> 00:16:03,930
Rancer ate 27 Johnsonville
brats in five minutes.

238
00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:06,964
- That's a lot of brats.
- Way to go, Rance.

239
00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:11,404
That is... that is really neat.

240
00:16:11,504 --> 00:16:13,824
Let's give it the devil, Rancer.
Come on, pound these back.

241
00:16:13,873 --> 00:16:15,208
Go, Rancer!

242
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:17,009
Go, go, go, Rancer!

243
00:16:17,109 --> 00:16:21,178
Get it. Go-o-o, Rancer.
Go, go, go, Rancer.

244
00:16:27,855 --> 00:16:30,455
Time!

245
00:16:31,156 --> 00:16:33,893
That's what I'm talking about!
Come on!

246
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:36,462
Wow, that is really, really neat.

247
00:16:36,562 --> 00:16:38,397
How many hot dogs can
you eat, Dougie doodle?

248
00:16:38,497 --> 00:16:42,235
- We're not allowed to eat hot dogs.
- We're a macrobiotic household.

249
00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:44,303
For crying out loud,
Boyd, what's this crap?

250
00:16:44,403 --> 00:16:46,105
You're gonna turn your kids
into a couple of beatniks.

251
00:16:46,205 --> 00:16:48,942
- Our kids are fine!
- I know they're fine. I'm just saying,

252
00:16:49,042 --> 00:16:51,177
you don't want your boy to
turn into a Sally, do ya?

253
00:16:51,277 --> 00:16:54,714
- Don't tell me how to raise my kids.
- Don't tell me what to do in my house!

254
00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:57,617
Is your name on the mailbox?!
I didn't think so!

255
00:16:57,717 --> 00:16:59,452
Oh really, the mailbox
line again, Dad?

256
00:16:59,552 --> 00:17:02,288
Great, you sparked Nelson's PTSD.

257
00:17:02,388 --> 00:17:05,658
Post-traumatic stress disorder.

258
00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:09,228
When things get tense,
Nelly gets a little squirrely.

259
00:17:09,328 --> 00:17:13,298
He has to go into
a dark, quiet space.

260
00:17:13,898 --> 00:17:15,801
It's from the war.

261
00:17:15,901 --> 00:17:17,503
What war, Mom?

262
00:17:17,603 --> 00:17:20,839
He fell out of the back of a Humvee
during basic training and was discharged.

263
00:17:20,939 --> 00:17:23,040
A head injury!

264
00:17:23,875 --> 00:17:26,677
He got a head injury
serving his country!

265
00:17:31,316 --> 00:17:33,817
Okay.

266
00:17:38,256 --> 00:17:40,893
What...

267
00:17:40,993 --> 00:17:44,895
Why are there shotgun
pellets in my chicken?

268
00:17:46,264 --> 00:17:47,564
Dad.

269
00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:51,101
Because it's squirrel.

270
00:17:59,711 --> 00:18:01,780
Honey, no, we're not leaving.

271
00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:05,682
He fed me a rodent
for Christmas dinner.

272
00:18:06,418 --> 00:18:10,356
Well, you're the only one who
ate squirrel. Ours was really chicken.

273
00:18:10,456 --> 00:18:12,642
You did say that you could handle
anything as long as the kids

274
00:18:12,743 --> 00:18:17,027
were having a good Christmas, and the
kids are having a great Christmas.

275
00:18:18,897 --> 00:18:22,868
Think you can just flex
those emotional muscles,

276
00:18:22,968 --> 00:18:26,503
just a little bit,
and think of Douglas?

277
00:18:30,408 --> 00:18:32,910
I want some more dessert!

278
00:18:42,954 --> 00:18:45,157
And that's how you make
50 dollars an hour.

279
00:18:45,257 --> 00:18:46,993
- Puba?
- Yeah, Dougie?

280
00:18:47,093 --> 00:18:49,228
I want us to leave Santa a snack,

281
00:18:49,328 --> 00:18:51,764
but Rance ate all the cookies
in like, 10 seconds,

282
00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:53,766
and then he drank a
whole gallon of milk.

283
00:18:53,866 --> 00:18:55,301
Whoa.

284
00:18:55,401 --> 00:19:00,303
So, I was wondering if you had anything
else that I could give to Santa?

285
00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:03,610
Of course I do, Bug.

286
00:19:03,710 --> 00:19:07,844
I know something that Santa loves
a lot more than milk and cookies.

287
00:19:11,583 --> 00:19:15,388
Dear Santa, Puba said you would
enjoy this bourbon and asparagus.

288
00:19:15,489 --> 00:19:20,026
I hope you like it a lot. Love,
your very good friend, Douglas Mitchler.

289
00:19:20,126 --> 00:19:23,729
<i>Shake that ass, bitch,
and let me see what you got.</i>

290
00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:27,366
<i>Shake that ass, bitch,
and let me see what you got.</i>

291
00:19:27,466 --> 00:19:29,568
<i>Shake that ass, bitch,
and let me see what you got.</i>

292
00:19:29,668 --> 00:19:32,505
Whoa, that's pretty neat, Pam.

293
00:19:32,605 --> 00:19:34,640
I know, I've got over 75 hits so far.

294
00:19:34,740 --> 00:19:37,343
Your average is zero stars
'cause you suck, turdbait.

295
00:19:37,443 --> 00:19:39,876
Shut up, jackwipe!

296
00:19:41,981 --> 00:19:46,083
Hey, that's not very Christmassy
behaviour. Gather up.

297
00:19:47,786 --> 00:19:51,757
So, we have a tradition in our family

298
00:19:52,257 --> 00:19:55,294
where we read <i>The Night
Before Christmas</i>

299
00:19:55,394 --> 00:19:58,929
the night before Christmas. Get it?

300
00:19:59,565 --> 00:20:01,467
This is mentally challenged.

301
00:20:01,567 --> 00:20:05,371
Do you think this is a joke, Rance?
This isn't a joke. This is Christmas.

302
00:20:05,471 --> 00:20:10,042
We're not two, Uncle Boyd! I mean,
all this Santa crap is for babies!

303
00:20:10,142 --> 00:20:12,011
Every dumb-ass knows
there's no such thing!

304
00:20:12,111 --> 00:20:17,814
Shut up! Shut your mouth! Shut your
big, eating mouth! Right now, shut it!

305
00:20:20,785 --> 00:20:25,858
- Santa will find me here, right Dad?
- Of course he will, Bug.

306
00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:31,230
In fact, Santa just texted me to say
that he made you an amazing present!

307
00:20:31,330 --> 00:20:34,698
But you're gonna have to
wait until morning to see it.

308
00:20:37,802 --> 00:20:39,405
Okay.

309
00:20:39,505 --> 00:20:43,576
Look at this pile of crap. This country's
so damn excessive it makes me wanna puke.

310
00:20:43,676 --> 00:20:46,643
Oh put a sock in it, Mitchler.

311
00:20:47,378 --> 00:20:48,514
Well, they're all down.

312
00:20:48,614 --> 00:20:51,582
- Oh that's super, honey.
- Good job.

313
00:20:52,984 --> 00:20:57,921
- Where's Douglas' stuff?
- Oh gosh, buried in there somewhere.

314
00:21:04,162 --> 00:21:07,433
- Everything's out of the car?
- I got the last of it out of there.

315
00:21:07,533 --> 00:21:10,168
Well, none of it's here.

316
00:21:10,368 --> 00:21:16,538
None of Douglas' presents are here.

317
00:21:21,179 --> 00:21:24,150
No, that's impossible. You put
them in the car this morning.

318
00:21:24,250 --> 00:21:27,153
- I didn't, you did.
- No, you gave me the thumbs up!

319
00:21:27,253 --> 00:21:31,123
- Meaning you do it, and you nodded!
- Wait, what are you two saying?

320
00:21:31,223 --> 00:21:33,959
- Boyd...
- Not Boyd, Luann!

321
00:21:34,059 --> 00:21:37,062
Boyd and I left all of
Douglas' stuff in Chicago.

322
00:21:37,162 --> 00:21:39,636
- Oh, jeez.
- It's gonna be fine!

323
00:21:39,737 --> 00:21:42,569
We'll think of something! Right?

324
00:21:42,669 --> 00:21:47,072
Oh I have an idea.
What's it called, Toys "R"...

325
00:21:47,172 --> 00:21:48,641
Us.

326
00:21:48,741 --> 00:21:52,111
Babe, the mall closes at six, all right?
Just sit there and look pretty.

327
00:21:52,211 --> 00:21:55,681
Okay, listen, Randy Sickle over there
in Commercial, they're open 24 hours,

328
00:21:55,782 --> 00:21:58,017
we'll go over there, pick him up maybe
one of those singing bass plaques

329
00:21:58,117 --> 00:22:00,346
and a mesh hat.
Hey, come on, he's seven.

330
00:22:00,447 --> 00:22:03,990
Throw in a pack of grape hike shoes
boom, it's done. What do you say?

331
00:22:04,090 --> 00:22:06,992
The kid's never gonna know
the difference. "Christmas, hey!"

332
00:22:07,092 --> 00:22:11,697
That's exactly what you would do!
Nice parenting, really nice!

333
00:22:11,797 --> 00:22:15,524
Last time I checked, it ain't exactly great
parenting ruining your kid's Christmas,

334
00:22:15,625 --> 00:22:17,971
- Prime Time!
- I should knock you on your ass.

335
00:22:18,071 --> 00:22:22,439
Oh really? Bring it Sally!
I'd love to see you try! Come on!

336
00:22:26,211 --> 00:22:28,013
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

337
00:22:29,413 --> 00:22:31,684
Now if we're gonna do this,
we're gonna need some ground rules.

338
00:22:31,784 --> 00:22:34,320
I'm going. I'm driving back.
It's not even 11.

339
00:22:34,420 --> 00:22:36,422
That gives me eight hours
until he's up. I'm going.

340
00:22:36,522 --> 00:22:39,292
- Boyd, don't go!
- You can't do it, it's too far!

341
00:22:39,392 --> 00:22:42,993
He's not going anywhere,
Donna, he's all show and no go.

342
00:22:46,698 --> 00:22:49,268
Boyd. Boyd, stop.

343
00:22:49,368 --> 00:22:52,238
You've had four hours of sleep.
You're gonna kill yourself!

344
00:22:52,338 --> 00:22:57,610
Any day now, Douglas is gonna wake up and
realize the world is a mean, nasty place

345
00:22:57,710 --> 00:23:00,526
where your hopes and dreams
eventually get smashed to bits.

346
00:23:00,627 --> 00:23:04,216
- Until then, he needs this.
- I'm sorry, who needs this?

347
00:23:04,316 --> 00:23:08,754
If I can just make him believe
for one more Christmas.

348
00:23:08,854 --> 00:23:11,390
Having Christmas is
not about stuff, Boyd.

349
00:23:11,490 --> 00:23:14,927
Look, just wait. Okay, go tomorrow,
when you've had some sleep.

350
00:23:15,027 --> 00:23:19,598
We'll say that we delayed Christmas
a day. We'll make it fun.

351
00:23:19,698 --> 00:23:22,902
I understand.
Mitch ruined Christmas for you,

352
00:23:23,002 --> 00:23:27,494
but you have proven a million
times over, you're not him.

353
00:23:27,595 --> 00:23:32,008
You're such a great dad.
This is just crazy!

354
00:23:32,310 --> 00:23:36,215
Hey, hey. Look, you're running
away from your father again!

355
00:23:36,315 --> 00:23:38,317
You can't keep doing this!

356
00:23:38,517 --> 00:23:41,053
Boyd, wait, I'm coming with you!
Let me just put up some coffee!

357
00:23:41,153 --> 00:23:43,422
It's about an eight-hour round trip,

358
00:23:43,522 --> 00:23:46,725
which gets me back here
at what, sevenish,

359
00:23:46,825 --> 00:23:50,196
so just make sure the kids
stay downstairs until 7:30.

360
00:23:50,296 --> 00:23:53,964
- This is doable, but I gotta go now.
- Be careful, honey!

361
00:24:03,708 --> 00:24:05,742
Merry Christmas.

362
00:24:32,170 --> 00:24:34,606
I made this ornament
when I was a kid once,

363
00:24:34,706 --> 00:24:36,843
out of a pine cone.

364
00:24:36,943 --> 00:24:40,279
It had the googly eyes on it
and the white cotton deals,

365
00:24:40,379 --> 00:24:42,982
- you know what I'm talking about?
- Shut the hell up, you degenerate.

366
00:24:43,082 --> 00:24:45,451
- Pervert.
- He's not a pervert!

367
00:24:45,551 --> 00:24:49,155
A guy who exposes himself to a busload
of old folks on their way to Oneida bingo,

368
00:24:49,255 --> 00:24:52,825
what the hell should I call him if not
pervert? Friggin' pillar of the community?

369
00:24:52,925 --> 00:24:55,086
I have explained this situation
to you a hundred times.

370
00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:57,530
- In Dave's defence, he was drunk!
- Very!

371
00:24:57,630 --> 00:25:00,967
And in his second defence, someone
double-dog dared him to do it, so that...

372
00:25:01,067 --> 00:25:04,386
Okay. Who wants to
look at some slides?

373
00:25:04,487 --> 00:25:07,971
Or, I know, how about
a game of cribbage?

374
00:25:08,841 --> 00:25:10,607
Oh, I've got that.

375
00:25:12,510 --> 00:25:15,081
- Hello?
- Is it him? Is he okay? What happened?

376
00:25:15,181 --> 00:25:18,848
He's fine, but... Aw crud.

377
00:25:21,486 --> 00:25:23,087
Dammit.

378
00:25:38,202 --> 00:25:43,576
Looky here. BMW. Short for
Bavarian Money Waster.

379
00:25:43,676 --> 00:25:45,878
Looks like the sheisse
hit the fan here.

380
00:25:45,978 --> 00:25:47,311
- I'm gonna hitchhike.
- Really?

381
00:25:47,411 --> 00:25:50,015
Christmas Eve, no one's gonna
pick you up. Come on, let's go.

382
00:25:50,115 --> 00:25:53,685
I'm not giving up. You go ahead
and go home. I don't need you.

383
00:25:53,785 --> 00:25:55,821
Yeah, but Douglas does.

384
00:25:56,921 --> 00:25:59,658
So come on. Get in the truck, Gladys.

385
00:25:59,758 --> 00:26:02,360
We got Christmas to save.

386
00:26:18,311 --> 00:26:22,481
<i>Silent night.</i>

387
00:26:23,181 --> 00:26:27,614
<i>Holy night.</i>

388
00:26:28,521 --> 00:26:33,592
<i>All is calm.</i>

389
00:26:33,692 --> 00:26:39,064
<i>All is bright.</i>

390
00:26:39,164 --> 00:26:44,369
<i>Round yon virgin.</i>

391
00:26:44,469 --> 00:26:49,644
<i>Mother and child.</i>

392
00:26:49,986 --> 00:26:53,905
<i>Holy infant.</i>

393
00:26:54,006 --> 00:26:59,930
<i>So tender and mild.</i>

394
00:27:00,386 --> 00:27:06,889
<i>Sleep in heavenly peace.</i>

395
00:27:09,026 --> 00:27:11,530
- It don't add up, boy.
- You got a guy tootin' around

396
00:27:11,630 --> 00:27:13,399
the whole Goddamn
planet in one night.

397
00:27:13,499 --> 00:27:17,502
That sleigh'd have to be going 25,
30,000 miles per hour, minimum.

398
00:27:17,602 --> 00:27:19,371
Now, if we had that
type of technology, shit,

399
00:27:19,471 --> 00:27:22,394
we'd be blowing the tits
off the friggin' Viet Kong.

400
00:27:22,494 --> 00:27:27,980
It's all a sham. Eastern bunny, Sham.
Valentine's Day, Sham.

401
00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:30,949
Tooth fairy? What the heck's
up with that son of a B?

402
00:27:31,049 --> 00:27:32,217
You know what he is, right?

403
00:27:32,317 --> 00:27:34,019
- Sham.
- Damn right.

404
00:27:34,119 --> 00:27:36,355
What kind of creep goes
sneaking into a kid's room

405
00:27:36,455 --> 00:27:38,057
and putting chump
change under a pillow?

406
00:27:38,157 --> 00:27:40,993
What the hell's he need all
those teeth for? Pervert.

407
00:27:41,093 --> 00:27:44,496
The whole world is
full of lies, Boyd.

408
00:27:44,596 --> 00:27:48,868
The only road to happiness is realizing
there's no road to happiness.

409
00:27:48,968 --> 00:27:52,068
Alright, I'm going to bed.
You finish it up on your own.

410
00:27:54,172 --> 00:27:58,806
Oh yeah, eat me! Prick.

411
00:28:02,413 --> 00:28:04,982
First off...

412
00:28:06,218 --> 00:28:09,721
And second, I have asthma,
Dad, asthma.

413
00:28:09,821 --> 00:28:15,294
And it is not all in my head, as you have
so astutely hypothesized in the past.

414
00:28:15,394 --> 00:28:19,198
It is an actual medical condition
that could actually kill me.

415
00:28:19,298 --> 00:28:23,802
So please, put out the damn cigar.

416
00:28:23,902 --> 00:28:28,638
What the hell's that all about?
You on the friggin' rag? Come on.

417
00:28:41,485 --> 00:28:46,057
Come on, lighten up, Boyd.
We got all night ahead of us.

418
00:28:46,157 --> 00:28:49,126
Let's have a little fun here.

419
00:28:56,834 --> 00:29:00,072
- I bet they're having a ball.
- Yeah, yippee!

420
00:29:00,172 --> 00:29:02,808
It does make me feel better
that Mitch went with him.

421
00:29:02,908 --> 00:29:05,611
Them two hate each
other's guts, I thought.

422
00:29:05,711 --> 00:29:11,016
Okay, cut it out, you guys,
we're a family. And it's Christmas, jeez.

423
00:29:11,116 --> 00:29:16,088
You know, Mom, I, don't want to make you
feel bad with what I'm about to say,

424
00:29:16,188 --> 00:29:20,125
being that it's Christmas and
all but, a lot of this is your fault.

425
00:29:20,225 --> 00:29:24,262
Dave and I's marriage counsellor says
that a lot of my self-esteem problems

426
00:29:24,362 --> 00:29:28,500
come from the fact that you never
confronted Dad about his drinking.

427
00:29:29,300 --> 00:29:33,705
So it's why I seek approval from
people who treat me like wet dog crap.

428
00:29:34,205 --> 00:29:39,711
Who needs anything? We've got
leftovers, we've got hot dish. Beer?

429
00:29:39,811 --> 00:29:43,413
Reeb me! That's beer
spelled backwards, honey.

430
00:29:50,788 --> 00:29:52,622
Vera.

431
00:29:53,791 --> 00:29:55,127
Yeah, Bug?

432
00:29:55,227 --> 00:29:59,295
Was Rance about to say that
there's no such thing as Santa?

433
00:30:00,864 --> 00:30:03,735
Rance is a certified moron, Douglas.

434
00:30:03,835 --> 00:30:07,706
So whatever he was about to say
would have been certified moronic.

435
00:30:07,806 --> 00:30:09,775
Of course there's a Santa.

436
00:30:09,875 --> 00:30:12,311
- Promise?
- I promise.

437
00:30:12,411 --> 00:30:15,614
When you see your presents
under the tree in the morning,

438
00:30:15,714 --> 00:30:18,883
you'll believe again, you will.

439
00:30:19,683 --> 00:30:22,285
Now lie down.

440
00:30:25,089 --> 00:30:27,090
Okay.

441
00:30:44,475 --> 00:30:47,912
Wow, 53 degrees.
So much for a white Christmas.

442
00:30:48,012 --> 00:30:51,083
Who needs one? Yesterday I was golfing. You
would have caught me in my shirtsleeves.

443
00:30:51,183 --> 00:30:53,485
Kicked Bill Gorsky's ass,
the fat pollack.

444
00:30:53,585 --> 00:30:56,455
I said "if this is global
warming, I'll take it."

445
00:30:56,555 --> 00:30:59,191
- Pollack. Nice, Dad.
- Technically he's a bohunk.

446
00:30:59,291 --> 00:31:01,524
I got more if you need 'em.

447
00:31:03,994 --> 00:31:07,697
- Hi, where's the...
- Just past the cheese.

448
00:31:16,976 --> 00:31:22,111
I can guess your nationality
without even seeing you. European.

449
00:31:22,913 --> 00:31:25,650
You get it? You're a-peein'.

450
00:31:25,750 --> 00:31:29,752
- Ha, yeah, got it.
- Ho ho ho.

451
00:31:30,421 --> 00:31:33,055
Hey, you got any bourbon? Just a...

452
00:31:34,324 --> 00:31:38,394
- I wish I did, sorry.
- That's okay, that's okay.

453
00:31:39,864 --> 00:31:45,368
So, you having yourself
a merry little Christmas?

454
00:31:46,871 --> 00:31:48,340
I wouldn't say that exactly.

455
00:31:48,440 --> 00:31:50,464
Well, nobody said it was
easy now, did they?

456
00:31:50,477 --> 00:31:52,511
I mean, take my
journey here tonight.

457
00:31:52,611 --> 00:31:55,647
I mean, logic-wise, that whole deal
doesn't really add up, does it?

458
00:31:55,747 --> 00:32:02,284
I mean my sleigh'd have to be doing what,
25, 30,000 miles an hour? Minimum?

459
00:32:06,357 --> 00:32:09,027
But I always make it.
Somehow I always do, you know.

460
00:32:09,127 --> 00:32:11,548
I mean, it's not always easy,
like I say, but miracles never are.

461
00:32:11,649 --> 00:32:13,196
They're tricky little
things, miracles.

462
00:32:13,209 --> 00:32:14,766
Sometimes they look at
you right in the face.

463
00:32:14,866 --> 00:32:17,359
They're right in front of you,
staring at you in the mirror,

464
00:32:17,460 --> 00:32:20,703
and you didn't even
see them. It's crazy.

465
00:32:23,374 --> 00:32:26,912
- Have a merry Christmas, Santa.
- I always do, buddy.

466
00:32:28,012 --> 00:32:30,512
I always do.

467
00:32:32,516 --> 00:32:34,986
- Have fun in there.
- I'll name it after you.

468
00:32:35,086 --> 00:32:36,521
Hi, can I get a couple of coffees?

469
00:32:36,621 --> 00:32:39,558
That's your old man?
Virgil Mitch. Ole Mitch?

470
00:32:39,658 --> 00:32:42,127
- Yeah, I'm Boyd.
- You're Boyd!

471
00:32:42,227 --> 00:32:47,399
Yeah, you're the smart one.
You got a full ride at the UW.

472
00:32:47,499 --> 00:32:51,070
And now you're a stockbroker,
is it? Down in Chi-town?

473
00:32:51,170 --> 00:32:53,773
- I manage a hedge fund.
- Oh yeah, that's right.

474
00:32:53,873 --> 00:32:57,409
But your dad tells me you
make a truckload of money.

475
00:32:57,509 --> 00:32:59,711
I don't know about that.
I work too much.

476
00:32:59,811 --> 00:33:04,049
Well, anyhow, nice to have
a face with the name.

477
00:33:04,149 --> 00:33:06,985
Your pop, that crazy old son of a...

478
00:33:07,085 --> 00:33:09,621
he's in here pretty near once a week,

479
00:33:09,721 --> 00:33:12,822
and I get an earful
about your family.

480
00:33:12,958 --> 00:33:18,096
No! Mitch talks a blue streak
about how good you're doing.

481
00:33:18,196 --> 00:33:23,368
Must be nice for y'all to have
Christmas together, ain't it?

482
00:33:24,468 --> 00:33:26,368
It is.

483
00:33:27,171 --> 00:33:29,908
- What do I owe you?
- No, come on.

484
00:33:30,008 --> 00:33:32,511
Merry Christmas now, Boyd.

485
00:33:33,211 --> 00:33:35,011
Merry Christmas.

486
00:33:44,111 --> 00:33:46,111
- Merry Christmas!
- Merry Christmas!

487
00:33:54,764 --> 00:33:57,434
You know how to drive
a manual, tranny?

488
00:33:58,334 --> 00:34:01,840
You don't remember the day you
taught me how to drive a stick?

489
00:34:01,940 --> 00:34:03,308
Should I?

490
00:34:03,408 --> 00:34:07,545
October 26, 1983, you may recall,
was my 12th birthday.

491
00:34:07,645 --> 00:34:12,217
You may also recall that you were too
hammered to drive home from my party,

492
00:34:12,317 --> 00:34:15,184
so I drove home.

493
00:34:15,685 --> 00:34:17,088
Is that right?

494
00:34:17,188 --> 00:34:20,058
Well, I must have been doing something
right, 'cause you still remember how.

495
00:34:20,158 --> 00:34:22,594
Yes, it is one of life's
greatest indignities

496
00:34:22,694 --> 00:34:26,228
that you never won the
Father of the Year award.

497
00:34:28,233 --> 00:34:31,002
- Hey, careful!
- Can't you take a joke, Sally?

498
00:34:31,102 --> 00:34:33,222
- Now you're pissing me off.
- Oh, am I pissing you...

499
00:34:33,238 --> 00:34:37,507
Maybe you need to piss on the radiator.
Whoa, what was that?

500
00:34:41,378 --> 00:34:43,045
Tit.

501
00:34:45,549 --> 00:34:48,019
- Want me to go peek in on BJ?
- No, I'll do it, Shauna.

502
00:34:48,119 --> 00:34:49,554
Wait a second, where's Nelson?

503
00:34:49,654 --> 00:34:53,124
Last time I saw him he was going ape-crap
because Mitch and Boyd were scrapping.

504
00:34:53,224 --> 00:34:56,993
- Well, that was two hours ago.
- Oh, shoot, Nelson!

505
00:34:57,695 --> 00:34:59,095
Nelson!

506
00:34:59,999 --> 00:35:01,600
Nelson.

507
00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:05,201
Nelson, baby, come on.

508
00:35:05,836 --> 00:35:08,070
Nelson.

509
00:35:10,107 --> 00:35:12,142
Nelson.

510
00:35:13,711 --> 00:35:15,512
Where are you?

511
00:35:17,448 --> 00:35:19,851
He's not where he usually goes.

512
00:35:20,451 --> 00:35:25,390
Whenever he gets panicked he just
falls asleep in the craziest places.

513
00:35:25,490 --> 00:35:28,526
I found him all balled up in the
middle of the road a coup...

514
00:35:30,526 --> 00:35:32,561
Oh my God.

515
00:35:33,196 --> 00:35:36,134
Nelson! Where are you, baby? Wake up!

516
00:35:36,334 --> 00:35:38,437
- Nelson!
- Nelson!

517
00:35:38,537 --> 00:35:40,872
Nelson! Where are you,
Nelson? Wake up!

518
00:35:40,972 --> 00:35:42,540
Donna, be careful!

519
00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:45,078
Nelson! Nelson!

520
00:35:46,578 --> 00:35:48,947
Oh... oh, dear Lord Jesus.

521
00:35:49,047 --> 00:35:51,549
<i>Jingle all the way.</i>

522
00:35:51,649 --> 00:35:53,952
- No, you can't sing low.
- I know, high.

523
00:35:54,052 --> 00:35:55,453
<i>Way.</i>

524
00:35:55,553 --> 00:35:57,920
Oh no, stop, stop, stop!

525
00:35:59,256 --> 00:36:01,326
<i>Oh what fun it is to ride.</i>

526
00:36:01,426 --> 00:36:06,595
- Dude, you just hit something.
<i>- ...open sleigh.</i>

527
00:36:10,067 --> 00:36:11,804
Good night.

528
00:36:12,204 --> 00:36:14,704
Put your hands down
and let's do this.

529
00:36:16,907 --> 00:36:18,376
Ahem, I love you ve...
I love you very much.

530
00:36:18,476 --> 00:36:19,744
- Let's go, come on.
- See?

531
00:36:19,844 --> 00:36:24,416
- Mom, has Santa come yet?
- No honey, not yet, it's still early.

532
00:36:24,516 --> 00:36:26,949
Santa's got a long
night ahead of him.

533
00:36:27,651 --> 00:36:30,822
- Can Dad tuck me in?
- Who? Dad?

534
00:36:31,322 --> 00:36:35,257
No, because, Dad and Puba...

535
00:36:36,860 --> 00:36:39,161
are getting massages.

536
00:36:40,564 --> 00:36:45,401
- Oh, okay. Good night, Mom.
- Okay, good night.

537
00:36:55,646 --> 00:36:57,546
So who else isn't tired?

538
00:37:00,918 --> 00:37:05,256
Oh, I forgot to ask you. Did Santa
Claus accost you in the bathroom?

539
00:37:05,356 --> 00:37:06,291
Excuse me?

540
00:37:06,391 --> 00:37:09,394
You know, the grubby old guy in the
Santa suit in the truck stop bathroom.

541
00:37:09,494 --> 00:37:12,295
I didn't see anybody in the bathroom.

542
00:37:17,034 --> 00:37:19,437
Santa's coming home soon.

543
00:37:20,737 --> 00:37:23,271
Gonna bring you lots of gifts.

544
00:37:30,647 --> 00:37:33,818
Oh, son of a bitch! Oh!

545
00:37:33,918 --> 00:37:36,821
I forgot to tell you, the speedometer's
off by about 10 miles an hour.

546
00:37:36,921 --> 00:37:38,921
Oh it's good to know that.

547
00:37:47,831 --> 00:37:49,868
Well, I'll be!

548
00:37:49,968 --> 00:37:53,671
Merry Christmas, Mr. Mitchler! Again.

549
00:37:54,171 --> 00:37:55,940
What brings you gents out so late?

550
00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:58,509
Well, numbnuts here forgot
his kid's presents in Chi-town.

551
00:37:58,709 --> 00:38:03,983
Numbnuts, that's funny. Haven't
heard that one in quite some time!

552
00:38:04,230 --> 00:38:06,498
My foster mom, she...

553
00:38:06,851 --> 00:38:09,721
Oh, I see you guys are in
the portable john business?

554
00:38:09,821 --> 00:38:13,324
Indeed we are, sir. Mitch Mitchler, North
Central Wisconsin king of the crappers.

555
00:38:13,424 --> 00:38:16,594
For 25 years, Mitchler's Handi-crappers
have been supplying luxury johns

556
00:38:16,694 --> 00:38:20,932
for all your business needs. I always
say, if you gotta go, go in style!

557
00:38:21,032 --> 00:38:25,836
I like that a lot. Riddle me this,
do you guys do family reunions?

558
00:38:25,936 --> 00:38:27,005
My cousin actu...

559
00:38:27,105 --> 00:38:30,074
We're actually in a really
big hurry, Trooper Zblocki, so.

560
00:38:30,174 --> 00:38:33,842
I could tell, Mr. Mitchler.
Caught old numbnuts here doing 91.

561
00:38:34,413 --> 00:38:37,582
I'll be back with
your citation, STAT.

562
00:38:38,882 --> 00:38:40,216
Numbnuts.

563
00:38:42,187 --> 00:38:44,487
Funny little elf.

564
00:38:45,587 --> 00:38:47,587
It's a good one.

565
00:38:49,493 --> 00:38:53,764
Well, Mr. Mitchler,
I caught you doing 91, yikes!

566
00:38:54,364 --> 00:38:57,265
It's like, "Arriba,
arriba, andele, andele!"

567
00:38:57,568 --> 00:38:59,368
Bart Simpson.

568
00:39:01,706 --> 00:39:04,776
But, it's Christmas,
so you know what?

569
00:39:05,276 --> 00:39:09,511
- I got candy canes for you three guys.
- Three?

570
00:39:16,420 --> 00:39:17,989
Nelson?

571
00:39:18,089 --> 00:39:21,889
Jeez, I must've fell asleep in here.

572
00:39:23,893 --> 00:39:25,694
Who's that guy?

573
00:39:27,464 --> 00:39:31,069
A child is the most important
thing a mother has, Nelson.

574
00:39:31,169 --> 00:39:33,906
Jeez, I'm sorry I had
you worried, Mom.

575
00:39:34,006 --> 00:39:36,875
If anything had happened to you...

576
00:39:37,175 --> 00:39:38,210
Aw, jeez.

577
00:39:38,310 --> 00:39:42,013
Mom, could you put little BJ on
the phone? I want to tell him I'm okay.

578
00:39:42,113 --> 00:39:47,085
He's sleeping in his crib, hon.
Plus he's not even a year.

579
00:39:47,185 --> 00:39:50,855
Well, maybe just go in there
and tell him I love him?

580
00:39:51,455 --> 00:39:55,760
And, could you sing him that
pretty little song he likes?

581
00:39:55,860 --> 00:39:59,697
<i>Hot tortillas, crisp tostadas.</i>

582
00:39:59,797 --> 00:40:02,834
<i>Best in Me-hi-co.</i>

583
00:40:02,934 --> 00:40:07,138
<i>Enchiladas, empanadas.</i>

584
00:40:07,238 --> 00:40:10,974
<i>How I love them so.</i>

585
00:40:14,211 --> 00:40:17,048
It is a miracle that
you got pulled over,

586
00:40:17,148 --> 00:40:19,851
because I could have froze
to death in there, or worse.

587
00:40:19,951 --> 00:40:21,719
Not cold enough to freeze to death.

588
00:40:21,819 --> 00:40:23,688
Okay, real quick,
what could possibly be worse

589
00:40:23,788 --> 00:40:25,857
than freezing to death in a
portable toilet, Nelson?

590
00:40:25,957 --> 00:40:30,194
HIV, AIDS, Lou Gehrig disease,
cancer, spina bifida...

591
00:40:30,294 --> 00:40:32,563
Okay, all good ones.

592
00:40:32,663 --> 00:40:36,134
I could think of one worse. A guy getting
his gonads lobbed off by his wife

593
00:40:36,234 --> 00:40:39,235
because he forgot his
kid's Christmas presents.

594
00:40:51,881 --> 00:40:52,817
Get 'im!

595
00:40:52,917 --> 00:40:56,087
I'm not supposed to play video games, but
you're really awesome at them, Rance.

596
00:40:56,187 --> 00:40:57,255
Yeah, I know.

597
00:40:57,355 --> 00:40:59,557
We should totally put your
picture on Craigslist, Vera.

598
00:40:59,657 --> 00:41:02,858
Your judgment is really
questionable, Pam.

599
00:41:11,134 --> 00:41:14,272
- You gonna stay up with us, Dave?
- Oh no, I... I get hungry at night

600
00:41:14,372 --> 00:41:17,579
so I like to make myself a meal so I
have something to eat between sleep

601
00:41:17,680 --> 00:41:20,813
- and breakfast. I call it breep.
- Okay.

602
00:41:20,913 --> 00:41:24,448
It's an anagram I came up with,
much like brunch or NASA.

603
00:41:24,549 --> 00:41:28,483
It's a way for me to
remember what I like.

604
00:41:29,253 --> 00:41:31,590
Hon, let's go hit the sack.

605
00:41:32,290 --> 00:41:34,859
- Good night.
- Night.

606
00:41:36,094 --> 00:41:37,862
Oh, Daver.

607
00:41:39,364 --> 00:41:41,764
You are too good for me.

608
00:41:53,443 --> 00:41:56,280
You know, maybe I will try one of
those beer-tomato-juice thingies.

609
00:41:56,380 --> 00:42:00,382
Well now you're talking.
One red beer coming right up.

610
00:42:04,654 --> 00:42:07,723
Holy cripes, it's a castle.

611
00:42:08,625 --> 00:42:11,293
You really are doing alright, Boyd.

612
00:42:18,469 --> 00:42:21,493
- You've never seen this house before?
- No, your mom has.

613
00:42:21,594 --> 00:42:25,243
Last time I was here, you had
that apartment by the lake.

614
00:42:25,343 --> 00:42:27,643
It's going on seven years.

615
00:42:29,012 --> 00:42:32,050
What's this you got on the
walls here? Is that brick?

616
00:42:32,150 --> 00:42:34,650
Yeah, it's... it's a brick house.

617
00:42:37,787 --> 00:42:41,290
- Boy, that is something.
- Yeah.

618
00:42:52,202 --> 00:42:54,973
Son of a bitch!

619
00:42:55,173 --> 00:42:57,940
I left my damn keys in my damn car!

620
00:43:05,149 --> 00:43:08,950
Hey Hamburglar, will this help?

621
00:43:16,060 --> 00:43:18,530
The presents are in
the mudroom, so...

622
00:43:18,830 --> 00:43:23,001
Hey Boyd, I gotta take a squirt.
You guys have a bathroom, or...

623
00:43:23,401 --> 00:43:25,336
Yeah, it's upstairs.

624
00:43:25,736 --> 00:43:28,471
- Make yourself at home, Dad.
- Yeah.

625
00:43:59,503 --> 00:44:01,073
Dad?

626
00:44:02,273 --> 00:44:03,973
Nelson?

627
00:44:27,430 --> 00:44:29,167
What's going on?

628
00:44:29,467 --> 00:44:31,900
What are you doing in my house?

629
00:44:32,202 --> 00:44:34,538
I am Farhad.

630
00:44:35,338 --> 00:44:37,142
Who are these people?

631
00:44:37,242 --> 00:44:40,378
Ms. Mitchler is say,

632
00:44:41,078 --> 00:44:45,681
my family to sit in the house,

633
00:44:46,383 --> 00:44:48,753
to feed dog...

634
00:44:48,853 --> 00:44:51,453
there, the dog.

635
00:44:51,955 --> 00:44:54,392
To sit in the house.

636
00:44:54,492 --> 00:44:59,361
House-sitting is different
than sitting in my house!

637
00:45:01,496 --> 00:45:04,664
It's Boyd. Hi, is everything okay?

638
00:45:04,765 --> 00:45:07,938
<i>Fine, okay. Farhad is here.</i>

639
00:45:08,038 --> 00:45:11,075
Yeah, I gave him the key so he
could feed Dale. You knew that.

640
00:45:11,175 --> 00:45:16,414
No, but his whole family is here.
It's like Goldilocks and the 30 Iranians.

641
00:45:17,214 --> 00:45:19,150
Boyd, they're from Afghanistan.

642
00:45:19,250 --> 00:45:22,553
I don't care where they're from,
I care why they're here, in my house!

643
00:45:22,653 --> 00:45:25,323
Maybe there was confusion over
the translation of house-sit.

644
00:45:25,423 --> 00:45:27,191
<i>You know, they're an amazing family.</i>

645
00:45:27,291 --> 00:45:29,494
They've only been in the
country two months,

646
00:45:29,594 --> 00:45:32,563
so, whatever, let them
have a nice Christmas.

647
00:45:32,663 --> 00:45:34,198
<i>You're not saving the world!</i>

648
00:45:34,298 --> 00:45:36,301
What do you think, you're...
you think you're Bono?

649
00:45:36,401 --> 00:45:38,236
I have a law degree! I'm a teacher!

650
00:45:38,336 --> 00:45:40,538
You're supposed to be
teaching refugees English,

651
00:45:40,638 --> 00:45:44,208
and based upon my conversation with this
guy, it's not exactly working out, is it?

652
00:45:44,308 --> 00:45:46,177
If anyone's to blame, it's you!

653
00:45:46,277 --> 00:45:49,414
- You for being an ass sponge!
- I'm the ass sponge?

654
00:45:49,514 --> 00:45:53,284
- Yes, you are the ass sponge, ass sponge.
- I'm not having this conversation.

655
00:45:53,384 --> 00:45:56,087
- I am not having this conversation.
- Fine.

656
00:45:56,187 --> 00:45:59,490
Oh my God! He acts like the sweetest,

657
00:45:59,590 --> 00:46:02,893
nothing-bothers-me guy,
but the slightest little pressure

658
00:46:02,993 --> 00:46:06,828
- turns him into a total...
- Ass sponge?

659
00:46:07,698 --> 00:46:09,600
He sounds just like his father.

660
00:46:09,700 --> 00:46:13,971
You know, in case those guys don't
make it back in time somehow,

661
00:46:14,071 --> 00:46:16,641
maybe we oughta have
something else for Douglas.

662
00:46:16,741 --> 00:46:17,675
Like what?

663
00:46:17,775 --> 00:46:22,982
Maybe we oughta go up to the attic and
wrap some old toys and that, just in case.

664
00:46:23,082 --> 00:46:25,384
Yeah, okay fine.

665
00:46:26,284 --> 00:46:32,189
Donna, do you have something else
that maybe doesn't taste like... this?

666
00:46:32,289 --> 00:46:33,658
Vodka?

667
00:46:33,758 --> 00:46:36,394
Hey Doug-lass, you wanna
do something really cool?

668
00:46:36,494 --> 00:46:37,995
Yes!

669
00:46:38,095 --> 00:46:39,430
Sweet.

670
00:46:39,530 --> 00:46:43,300
You know, I wasn't a competitive
eater 'til I was like, nine.

671
00:46:43,400 --> 00:46:47,305
If I would have started at seven, who knows
how much more friggin' awesome I'd be?

672
00:46:47,405 --> 00:46:50,074
Let's see how fast you can
take these bad boys down.

673
00:46:50,174 --> 00:46:53,409
- A whole jar of pickles?
- Do it.

674
00:46:56,646 --> 00:46:59,550
Please don't, Douglas, it's stupid.
You'll be sick for Santa!

675
00:46:59,650 --> 00:47:04,052
You want to be cool or retarded?
Man or mouse, Douglas?

676
00:47:07,157 --> 00:47:08,924
Yes! Oh my God! Look at him go!

677
00:47:13,196 --> 00:47:15,733
Chug, chug, chug,
chug, chug, chug, chug!

678
00:47:15,833 --> 00:47:19,804
Douglas, stop! These pickles were
canned during the Nixon Administration!

679
00:47:19,904 --> 00:47:21,640
You're gonna die!

680
00:47:22,740 --> 00:47:25,240
I can't feel my legs.

681
00:47:38,588 --> 00:47:40,722
What the hell?

682
00:47:55,538 --> 00:47:57,806
He erased me.

683
00:47:58,442 --> 00:48:00,943
Ain't that a kick in the pants?

684
00:48:04,414 --> 00:48:07,751
Presents. Gifts. Ho ho ho?

685
00:48:07,951 --> 00:48:11,822
Gift? Gift, yes, yes.

686
00:48:12,222 --> 00:48:14,124
Thank you.

687
00:48:14,224 --> 00:48:18,029
No, Farhad. Those are Douglas' gifts!

688
00:48:18,129 --> 00:48:20,531
My son! Douglas.

689
00:48:20,631 --> 00:48:25,300
No Farhad son! No! My son's gifts!

690
00:48:25,869 --> 00:48:27,505
Girls, those are my power tools!

691
00:48:27,605 --> 00:48:30,440
That's Boyd's power drill
and that is very...

692
00:48:30,540 --> 00:48:32,308
Jesus!

693
00:48:34,010 --> 00:48:35,379
Hey, Boyd. These your roommates?

694
00:48:35,479 --> 00:48:38,147
Hey Boyd, you got a nail
sticking out of your hand there.

695
00:48:45,755 --> 00:48:48,058
Oh, we've been learning Nari,
which is kind of like Farsi,

696
00:48:48,158 --> 00:48:51,762
over at basic because my reserve unit was
going to be going over by Afghanistan...

697
00:48:51,862 --> 00:48:53,264
Oh!

698
00:48:53,364 --> 00:48:57,034
And I fell off of that Humvee, and I
got just a touch of brain damage.

699
00:48:57,134 --> 00:49:00,137
But the part that remembers
Nari is just fine.

700
00:49:00,237 --> 00:49:04,775
So, can you tell him that
his family can stay?

701
00:49:04,875 --> 00:49:09,644
- I just need Douglas' gifts.
- Well, I can sure as shoot try.

702
00:49:10,147 --> 00:49:12,148
Let's see...

703
00:49:17,922 --> 00:49:20,889
Please, no, no. No, no, no, please!

704
00:49:21,759 --> 00:49:26,564
Hey, hey. Hey, hey, it's okay.
You can keep everything.

705
00:49:26,664 --> 00:49:28,932
The only thing I want

706
00:49:29,432 --> 00:49:31,132
is that.

707
00:49:53,556 --> 00:49:56,594
Hey, it's, 3:45, so we
have less than four hours

708
00:49:56,694 --> 00:50:01,529
if we're gonna get back before the
kids get up. So I need you to motivate.

709
00:50:02,465 --> 00:50:05,666
You don't need me, you never did.

710
00:50:17,313 --> 00:50:19,950
It's all gonna be okay, Bug.

711
00:50:20,050 --> 00:50:22,286
Boing!

712
00:50:22,386 --> 00:50:24,322
It's okay, Bug.

713
00:50:25,222 --> 00:50:26,957
Boing, hello Rance!

714
00:50:27,057 --> 00:50:29,560
They told me there'd
always be people like you.

715
00:50:29,660 --> 00:50:33,197
I don't know, I've never seen
anybody this way from pickles!

716
00:50:33,297 --> 00:50:37,468
Rotten food can cause hallucination,
Rance. Everybody knows that, you dummy.

717
00:50:37,568 --> 00:50:40,535
It's gonna be okay,
Bug, just lie down.

718
00:50:47,209 --> 00:50:49,110
Cheese.

719
00:50:50,546 --> 00:50:53,247
How about this for Douglas?

720
00:50:55,352 --> 00:50:59,523
Bridge, like the card game? For kids?

721
00:50:59,623 --> 00:51:01,559
I don't know, it seems
like a horrible idea.

722
00:51:01,659 --> 00:51:04,962
Boyd loved bridge for juniors,
it was his favourite game!

723
00:51:05,062 --> 00:51:09,531
He did? Okay, bag it
and tag it, I guess.

724
00:51:11,234 --> 00:51:15,940
That was Mitch's drink of choice.
Vodka and cranberry juice.

725
00:51:16,540 --> 00:51:20,678
- It must have been so hard.
- I don't know.

726
00:51:20,778 --> 00:51:25,649
I left a couple times when it got
too hard. Took the kids to my folks,

727
00:51:25,749 --> 00:51:31,388
then when his bender was
finished, he'd call bellyaching,

728
00:51:31,788 --> 00:51:34,993
"Come back, come back.
I'll change, I'll change,"

729
00:51:35,093 --> 00:51:37,592
blah, blah, you know.

730
00:51:39,329 --> 00:51:41,799
He was always...

731
00:51:42,199 --> 00:51:44,768
a very attentive lover, though.

732
00:51:44,868 --> 00:51:47,171
If you know what I mean?

733
00:51:47,271 --> 00:51:49,904
I do. Yes, wow.

734
00:51:50,940 --> 00:51:53,811
Boyd and I haven't had
sex for six months.

735
00:51:53,911 --> 00:51:56,246
Oh, wow.

736
00:51:56,346 --> 00:51:57,748
That is bad for you.

737
00:51:57,848 --> 00:52:00,751
It's so bad. It's just, you know,

738
00:52:00,851 --> 00:52:03,253
he works all the time,
and... or we're tired,

739
00:52:03,353 --> 00:52:05,356
or the kids are around
and you know, it just...

740
00:52:05,456 --> 00:52:08,545
But then he has this whole thing about
how everything has to be so perfect,

741
00:52:08,646 --> 00:52:10,694
and it can't be. It's not.
It's not perfect.

742
00:52:10,794 --> 00:52:15,800
- Do you want me to talk to him for you?
- No, that's okay, thank you.

743
00:52:15,900 --> 00:52:18,900
That would feel a
little inappropriate.

744
00:52:19,937 --> 00:52:21,607
Yep.

745
00:52:23,107 --> 00:52:24,607
What?

746
00:52:40,289 --> 00:52:42,660
Two days later, Papa passed away.

747
00:52:42,760 --> 00:52:45,629
And I became a man that day.

748
00:52:45,729 --> 00:52:48,363
So I told Mama I'm gonna quit school

749
00:52:59,909 --> 00:53:02,305
I packed my grandmother's trunk,

750
00:53:02,406 --> 00:53:06,150
- and in it I put an apple.
- Nice.

751
00:53:06,250 --> 00:53:11,286
God, we used to play that when we'd drive
to Nana's cottage up north, you remember?

752
00:53:12,489 --> 00:53:18,862
Okay, I packed my grandmother's trunk
and in it I put an apple and a bagpipe.

753
00:53:18,962 --> 00:53:21,463
Nice one. Okay Dad, you're up.

754
00:53:23,166 --> 00:53:24,868
Dad, it's your turn.

755
00:53:25,668 --> 00:53:28,072
Come on Dad, it's been a crap day.

756
00:53:28,172 --> 00:53:31,606
Everything that possibly
could go wrong already has.

757
00:53:34,143 --> 00:53:36,644
What, you on the rag, Sally?

758
00:53:37,514 --> 00:53:40,194
I packed my grandma's trunk,

759
00:53:40,295 --> 00:53:44,755
and in it I put an apple, bagpipe,

760
00:53:44,955 --> 00:53:50,024
and a kid who's so ashamed of his old
man, he cut him out of a family photo.

761
00:53:51,928 --> 00:53:55,232
Okay, so you're spelling kid
with a C then. Fair enough.

762
00:53:55,532 --> 00:53:57,832
I don't know what to say, Dad.

763
00:53:59,068 --> 00:54:02,373
Fine, as long as we're being
honest with each other,

764
00:54:02,473 --> 00:54:06,277
yes, I was embarrassed
of you in that photograph.

765
00:54:06,377 --> 00:54:09,246
You were wearing that filthy
Handi-crapper T-shirt

766
00:54:09,346 --> 00:54:13,281
for a family portrait.
I mean come on!

767
00:54:14,216 --> 00:54:16,883
What, you're suddenly sensitive?

768
00:54:18,355 --> 00:54:21,291
Besides, it's not like you
were ever proud of me.

769
00:54:21,391 --> 00:54:25,362
I always supported you, whatever
it was you wanted to do, always!

770
00:54:25,462 --> 00:54:27,696
Are you high?

771
00:54:29,600 --> 00:54:31,366
What is that?

772
00:54:33,304 --> 00:54:37,739
Oh my gosh! Hoho!

773
00:54:43,180 --> 00:54:44,682
Is that...

774
00:54:44,882 --> 00:54:49,086
- Bea Arthur? It sure is.
- Why?

775
00:54:49,186 --> 00:54:52,623
Boyd went through a phase where
he really got into Bea Arthur.

776
00:54:52,723 --> 00:54:55,225
Like is... like sexually? Or...

777
00:54:55,325 --> 00:54:57,961
No! It started with <i>Golden Girls.</i>

778
00:54:58,061 --> 00:55:03,433
Wait, he liked bridge and <i>Golden Girls?</i>
What did you raise, a 75-year-old woman?

779
00:55:03,533 --> 00:55:05,536
Look, there's a whole series.

780
00:55:05,636 --> 00:55:09,173
You know how what's-his-futz
just painted blue stuff?

781
00:55:09,273 --> 00:55:12,409
Well, Boyd only painted Bea Arthur.

782
00:55:12,509 --> 00:55:14,645
This is so silly.

783
00:55:14,745 --> 00:55:16,947
My Boyd who played
football and basketball,

784
00:55:17,047 --> 00:55:20,651
who's a type-A hedge
fund manager? No, no!

785
00:55:20,751 --> 00:55:23,554
He was real arty-farty
when he was a little shaver.

786
00:55:23,654 --> 00:55:25,723
Well Mitch must have loved that.

787
00:55:25,823 --> 00:55:29,693
Mitch, he used to tease Boyd all
the time. I felt terrible about it.

788
00:55:29,793 --> 00:55:34,665
He drilled legs into the frame of this
one. He turned it into a card table.

789
00:55:34,765 --> 00:55:37,801
He used to play euchre on
it with his drinking buddies.

790
00:55:37,901 --> 00:55:42,640
Look, there's the rings from the
glasses on the canvas, there.

791
00:55:42,740 --> 00:55:45,342
And I think Bill Gorsky
puked on it here.

792
00:55:45,442 --> 00:55:48,846
That is so mean. Isn't that so mean?

793
00:55:48,946 --> 00:55:53,751
Lookit, that is so mean! He was just
a little artist, creating his art,

794
00:55:53,851 --> 00:55:57,988
and that's... I mean, it just makes
me very sad, isn't that so sad?

795
00:55:58,088 --> 00:56:01,058
Boyd never really painted
much after that.

796
00:56:01,158 --> 00:56:04,428
Mitch is a bastard! And I have been
trying to get those guys to reconcile,

797
00:56:04,528 --> 00:56:08,009
but do you understand how much Boyd
hates his job? He hates it so much,

798
00:56:08,110 --> 00:56:13,538
and all he wanted to do was be a sweet
little Bea Arthur painter! Or something.

799
00:56:13,638 --> 00:56:16,640
I just feel like I could puke.

800
00:56:16,940 --> 00:56:22,979
It blows my mind. You have the
capacity to feel sorry for yourself!

801
00:56:23,079 --> 00:56:25,355
- Oh, what a jackass.
- If I loused up so bad,

802
00:56:25,456 --> 00:56:29,519
how come you have such a nice life?
Nice house, nice wife, nice job.

803
00:56:29,619 --> 00:56:33,290
I hate my job! And I haven't had
sex with my wife in six months!

804
00:56:33,390 --> 00:56:35,259
Can you blame that on me?
Jiminy crickets!

805
00:56:35,359 --> 00:56:36,894
Jeez, come on, guys!

806
00:56:36,994 --> 00:56:41,298
I'm sorry I didn't snuggle or cuddle
you enough! I'm sorry I'm not perfect!

807
00:56:41,398 --> 00:56:45,168
Perfect? My entire
approach to parenting

808
00:56:45,268 --> 00:56:49,306
is based on what I call
the WWMD principle.

809
00:56:49,406 --> 00:56:52,042
What Would Mitch Do?
I ask myself that question,

810
00:56:52,142 --> 00:56:54,678
and then I do the exact opposite.

811
00:56:54,778 --> 00:56:57,580
Come on Boyd, you know I
get jittery 'cause of the war!

812
00:56:57,780 --> 00:57:02,948
- You didn't go to war!
- He's still a hero! He's still a hero!

813
00:57:04,587 --> 00:57:09,090
Son of a bitch! No, no, no, no, no!

814
00:57:10,660 --> 00:57:13,764
No, Boyd, slow down!
What are you doing?

815
00:57:13,864 --> 00:57:15,944
Not sure if you can see me
back here, Mr. Mitchler...

816
00:57:17,868 --> 00:57:19,834
See that? See it!

817
00:57:20,504 --> 00:57:22,205
Come on, Boyd,
you're gonna get us killed!

818
00:57:22,305 --> 00:57:23,640
Pull over, Boyd!

819
00:57:23,740 --> 00:57:28,278
My whole life I've never been your
kind of man, a man's man, a real man.

820
00:57:28,378 --> 00:57:32,280
Well, let's see who the
real man is now! Hold on!

821
00:57:43,059 --> 00:57:46,260
Shut up, Sally.
You sound like a little bitch.

822
00:57:57,273 --> 00:58:02,545
Yeah, suck on that, Zblocki!
Suck on that! Eat it, bitch!

823
00:58:02,645 --> 00:58:04,014
Yes, yes!

824
00:58:04,114 --> 00:58:05,482
<i>Yeah, go ahead.</i>

825
00:58:06,582 --> 00:58:10,487
Yeah. I'm out at...

826
00:58:11,587 --> 00:58:13,190
Mr. Mitchler, he...

827
00:58:13,290 --> 00:58:15,957
<i>everything okay?</i>

828
00:58:16,959 --> 00:58:18,796
Eff this.

829
00:58:19,296 --> 00:58:21,365
Just wanted to wish you
a merry Christmas, Don!

830
00:58:21,465 --> 00:58:24,434
I'm calling her a night.
Gonna head home to the fam.

831
00:58:24,534 --> 00:58:26,634
<i>Roger that.</i>

832
00:58:32,741 --> 00:58:35,543
Oh God, that felt good!

833
00:58:36,378 --> 00:58:41,083
You're not this guy, Boyd. You're not some
idiot who'd run away from a cop like that.

834
00:58:41,183 --> 00:58:43,521
Hell, that's the kind of
asshole stunt that I'd pull.

835
00:58:43,621 --> 00:58:46,120
You got the asshole part right.

836
00:58:49,091 --> 00:58:52,628
I suppose maybe you're
right about that.

837
00:59:00,369 --> 00:59:02,670
This has been a weird night.

838
00:59:04,573 --> 00:59:06,474
I'm sorry.

839
00:59:07,543 --> 00:59:10,814
I'm sorry to both of you.

840
00:59:10,914 --> 00:59:15,650
Mainly you, Boyd. I'm sorry.

841
00:59:16,852 --> 00:59:19,600
Suppose I might have said it sooner
if I hadn't been so hammered

842
00:59:19,701 --> 00:59:25,526
for most of the last 30 years but
you know? There it is, I said it.

843
00:59:29,733 --> 00:59:32,069
You're a good man

844
00:59:32,169 --> 00:59:34,205
and,

845
00:59:35,505 --> 00:59:38,539
I'm so sorry.

846
00:59:46,883 --> 00:59:49,052
I'm sorry, oh!

847
00:59:49,952 --> 00:59:53,221
- What the hell was that?!
- Did we hit somebody?

848
00:59:54,124 --> 00:59:56,226
I'm telling you, Boyd,
that was a person!

849
00:59:56,326 --> 01:00:00,597
Nelson, it wasn't a person.
It can't have been a person.

850
01:00:00,697 --> 01:00:03,133
What would a person be doing
in the middle of the road...

851
01:00:03,233 --> 01:00:05,569
- Maybe it was a deer.
- Yeah, it was a deer!

852
01:00:05,669 --> 01:00:09,070
- It wasn't a deer.
- Yes, of course it was a d...

853
01:00:11,106 --> 01:00:13,674
Oh, no.

854
01:00:29,692 --> 01:00:31,928
Oh, God, oh, my God, oh, my God!

855
01:00:32,028 --> 01:00:34,498
What are we gonna do?
What are we gonna do?

856
01:00:34,598 --> 01:00:38,434
- Okay, Boyd, just calm down.
- Calm?! Calm?

857
01:00:38,535 --> 01:00:42,239
I just killed a man!
This is not the time to be calm!

858
01:00:42,339 --> 01:00:44,107
We just gotta...
we just gotta call the cops.

859
01:00:44,207 --> 01:00:46,042
No, we're not gonna call the cops!
I just outran the cops!

860
01:00:46,142 --> 01:00:49,229
- The last thing we need are the cops!
- Boyd's right, no cops.

861
01:00:49,330 --> 01:00:51,381
- My life is over!
- No it isn't!

862
01:00:51,481 --> 01:00:53,317
I'm gonna go to prison.
I'm going to prison.

863
01:00:53,417 --> 01:00:56,586
Boyd, just glass-half-full
it for a sec here, okay?

864
01:00:56,686 --> 01:01:00,490
- Prison these days is not half bad.
- I'll take the heat!

865
01:01:00,590 --> 01:01:02,559
I mean, come on now,
it's the least I can do,

866
01:01:02,659 --> 01:01:05,629
you know, being shitfaced and emotionally
abusive most of your childhood.

867
01:01:05,729 --> 01:01:09,099
No, Dad, no. No, no, no, no, no, no!

868
01:01:09,199 --> 01:01:11,702
Boyd, Boyd, Boyd!

869
01:01:13,002 --> 01:01:15,605
- There's other ways out of this.
- How?

870
01:01:15,705 --> 01:01:17,574
This guy...

871
01:01:17,674 --> 01:01:21,309
We're not exactly talking doctor,
lawyer, Indian chief here, right?

872
01:01:22,511 --> 01:01:26,850
He's off the grid.
So if he, disappeared.

873
01:01:26,950 --> 01:01:30,020
I got this friend, Mike Marcort.

874
01:01:30,120 --> 01:01:33,289
You know, we play cribbage,
and he owes me and...

875
01:01:33,389 --> 01:01:37,661
he's got a warehouse down
by Campbell Sport full of HCl.

876
01:01:37,761 --> 01:01:41,765
- HC what, Dad?
- Hydrochloric acid. And so?

877
01:01:41,865 --> 01:01:45,001
Well, you know, I'm saying... not that
he doesn't have value in God's eyes;

878
01:01:45,101 --> 01:01:48,438
I'm just saying that we soak this guy
in a vat of HCl for a couple of hours?

879
01:01:48,538 --> 01:01:50,345
This son of a bitch
will just fizzle away.

880
01:01:50,358 --> 01:01:52,175
Wait a minute.

881
01:01:52,275 --> 01:01:54,709
We're not really thinking about this?

882
01:01:55,477 --> 01:01:59,447
He's right, Dad. Nelson's right.

883
01:02:02,451 --> 01:02:05,055
We don't have time to
go to Campbell Sport.

884
01:02:05,155 --> 01:02:07,655
You're right, it's too far.
What was I thinking?

885
01:02:08,891 --> 01:02:10,927
Dad, do you have a shovel?

886
01:02:11,027 --> 01:02:13,129
Does Flipper pee in
the sea? I got that!

887
01:02:13,229 --> 01:02:16,266
- No, no, guys...
- Well, do you have a better idea?

888
01:02:16,366 --> 01:02:17,806
Do you? Because I'd love to hear it.

889
01:02:17,868 --> 01:02:20,761
No, but have you ever dug a foxhole
before, Boyd? Because I have

890
01:02:20,862 --> 01:02:25,740
- and it takes a super long time!
- Oh, he's right! Nelson's right.

891
01:02:28,777 --> 01:02:31,648
We could... we can burn him.

892
01:02:31,748 --> 01:02:33,984
You know, like a fire.

893
01:02:34,084 --> 01:02:37,253
Burning could work, burning's good!

894
01:02:37,653 --> 01:02:40,757
That's good, Nel...
What's going on, Dad?

895
01:02:40,857 --> 01:02:44,692
If we're gonna burn him, it's a hell
of a lot easier if you parcel him out.

896
01:03:00,075 --> 01:03:02,576
You got any bourbon?

897
01:03:06,415 --> 01:03:08,852
Hey, Doug!

898
01:03:08,952 --> 01:03:12,153
- Dougie doodle.
- Who said that?

899
01:03:15,457 --> 01:03:17,327
- Bingo.
- You can talk?

900
01:03:17,427 --> 01:03:19,296
You're seeing my lips move, ain't ya?

901
01:03:19,396 --> 01:03:21,865
Well then, that would constitute
talking, wouldn't it?

902
01:03:21,965 --> 01:03:24,772
- Is this a dream?
- "Is this a dream?"

903
01:03:24,873 --> 01:03:28,538
Maybe, maybe it's a dream,
or maybe I'm your subconscious,

904
01:03:28,638 --> 01:03:33,143
secretly trying to unearth truth for you
in the form of a waking hallucination.

905
01:03:33,243 --> 01:03:36,452
Listen Doug, let me get to the
gristle of why I woke you up here.

906
01:03:36,553 --> 01:03:41,451
It breaks my heart to tell you this,
but Santa ain't gonna find you,

907
01:03:41,551 --> 01:03:44,254
not here, not anywhere.

908
01:03:44,354 --> 01:03:47,956
- Why not?
- Because he doesn't exist.

909
01:03:49,525 --> 01:03:52,629
Yeah, don't take it so hard, buddy.

910
01:03:52,729 --> 01:03:56,200
As you get older, you'll learn there are
much worse things you could be told

911
01:03:56,300 --> 01:04:00,170
than some fat guy in a
red suit doesn't exist.

912
01:04:00,270 --> 01:04:03,006
Alright then, sleep tight, kid.

913
01:04:03,106 --> 01:04:06,874
And oh Merry Christmas.

914
01:04:10,813 --> 01:04:12,914
Radiator's shot.

915
01:04:16,785 --> 01:04:19,189
- Who ya calling there, Boyd?
- Luann.

916
01:04:19,289 --> 01:04:21,024
Let her know we're not gonna make it.

917
01:04:21,124 --> 01:04:24,594
Not gonna make it?
Hold on a sec, Boyd.

918
01:04:25,294 --> 01:04:28,197
Hey look, I know that we
have been through a lot,

919
01:04:28,297 --> 01:04:33,470
well, me getting stuck in the john and you
getting pegged with a nail gun by some kid,

920
01:04:33,570 --> 01:04:36,272
and running from that cop,
and trying to figure out different ways

921
01:04:36,372 --> 01:04:40,919
to dismember a transient,
but it's Christmas,

922
01:04:41,020 --> 01:04:45,348
and if we quit now, it's like the baby
Jesus died up on that cross for nothing.

923
01:04:45,448 --> 01:04:47,484
I think that's Easter, actually.

924
01:04:47,584 --> 01:04:52,081
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right,
you're right. My point is, you know,

925
01:04:52,182 --> 01:04:54,795
I suppose I don't know much
about being a father yet,

926
01:04:54,896 --> 01:04:58,528
since BJ's only been around a couple
of months and he's technically

927
01:04:58,628 --> 01:05:03,863
some Mexican's, on top of that but, you
know, what I seen you do today, Boyd...

928
01:05:03,964 --> 01:05:07,103
go to the ends of the earth
for your son like that...

929
01:05:07,203 --> 01:05:10,373
jeez, that's what being
a father's all about.

930
01:05:10,473 --> 01:05:16,744
And I just don't think you should
quit now. There's still time.

931
01:05:31,059 --> 01:05:35,596
Hey, I'm really sorry we
almost killed you back there.

932
01:05:36,866 --> 01:05:40,236
I don't suppose you have
a vehicle we could borrow?

933
01:05:40,336 --> 01:05:45,439
'Cause we're about 10 miles from where
we're supposed to be here, and...

934
01:05:47,242 --> 01:05:49,779
I don't know how else
to put this, except...

935
01:05:49,879 --> 01:05:53,113
we're hoping for a friggin'
Christmas miracle.

936
01:06:00,923 --> 01:06:03,727
<i>Fall on your knees.</i>

937
01:06:03,827 --> 01:06:06,996
<i>Oh, hear the radiant voices calling.</i>

938
01:06:07,096 --> 01:06:10,431
<i>Oh God, oh God Boom, boom, boom.</i>

939
01:06:13,436 --> 01:06:16,172
Oh, shoot! Luann, are you okay?

940
01:06:16,272 --> 01:06:18,772
I'm okay, I'm okay.

941
01:06:27,115 --> 01:06:28,416
Yeah!

942
01:06:29,685 --> 01:06:33,888
Come on you guys, wake up!
Let's go up and see if Santa came.

943
01:06:55,043 --> 01:06:57,845
They're breathing. Come on!

944
01:07:11,994 --> 01:07:14,094
Come on, whoa, whoa!

945
01:07:14,964 --> 01:07:19,000
See, I told you Santa's real!
Now we can find our stuff.

946
01:07:23,605 --> 01:07:25,208
Pull up there, there!

947
01:07:25,308 --> 01:07:27,808
What do you think you got, Bug?

948
01:07:29,011 --> 01:07:31,512
I don't think I got anything.

949
01:07:36,852 --> 01:07:41,288
- We can't thank you enough.
- Merry Christmas, it's been a flight!

950
01:07:51,366 --> 01:07:53,779
- Where you goin', they're up?
- Yeah. He's up.

951
01:07:53,880 --> 01:07:55,298
- All the kids have their presents.
- So what,

952
01:07:55,399 --> 01:07:59,340
- go on in there and give him the thing!
- He'll know there's no Santa, Dad!

953
01:08:10,052 --> 01:08:13,456
Maybe Santa took your presents
to the wrong house, or...

954
01:08:13,556 --> 01:08:16,626
No. There is no Santa.

955
01:08:16,726 --> 01:08:20,060
Look. Puba said he loved bourbon.

956
01:08:37,378 --> 01:08:39,279
Merry Christmas.

957
01:09:02,270 --> 01:09:04,104
Good luck.

958
01:09:06,042 --> 01:09:08,041
No Douglas, don't!

959
01:09:21,855 --> 01:09:24,794
- You must be Douglas.
- Are you Santa?

960
01:09:24,894 --> 01:09:27,296
Oh, yes indeed. Yes, I am.

961
01:09:27,396 --> 01:09:30,900
Why'd you drink all that bourbon,
Santa? Won't it make you drunk?

962
01:09:31,000 --> 01:09:35,404
Well, Douglas,
bourbon gives Santa the energy

963
01:09:35,504 --> 01:09:39,039
that he needs to keep
his appointed rounds.

964
01:09:39,308 --> 01:09:42,011
And asparagus. Puba told me that.

965
01:09:42,211 --> 01:09:47,316
Yep, asparagus, too. Smart fella.

966
01:09:47,416 --> 01:09:51,718
Oh my goodness, I almost
forgot your present.

967
01:09:53,188 --> 01:09:57,560
- Merry Christmas, Douglas.
- Thank you, Santa.

968
01:09:57,660 --> 01:09:59,593
I believe.

969
01:10:00,428 --> 01:10:03,063
And I hope you always do.

970
01:10:03,999 --> 01:10:07,503
Santa, don't you want your asparagus?

971
01:10:07,603 --> 01:10:12,706
That's okay, Douglas, you keep it.
Asparagus makes my urine smell funny.

972
01:10:13,241 --> 01:10:15,243
Merry Christmas.

973
01:10:22,050 --> 01:10:24,351
I think it was a big success.

974
01:10:26,988 --> 01:10:30,757
On second thought this may
have not been such a hot idea.

975
01:10:33,428 --> 01:10:36,900
No matter how this pans out,
you tried your best.

976
01:10:37,200 --> 01:10:40,667
Bottom line, you're one
hell of a good dad, Boyd.

977
01:10:42,604 --> 01:10:44,705
Thanks, Dad.

978
01:10:52,915 --> 01:10:55,315
Merry Christmas, Bug.

979
01:10:55,918 --> 01:10:58,719
Dad, why did your
massage take so long?

980
01:11:00,688 --> 01:11:02,322
Let me help you.

981
01:11:04,960 --> 01:11:07,063
Nice wrap job there. What is it?

982
01:11:07,163 --> 01:11:09,466
- What is it?
- I built it, the whole thing.

983
01:11:09,566 --> 01:11:11,701
I even sanded the runners myself.

984
01:11:11,801 --> 01:11:16,270
It's really something.
Really something.

985
01:11:17,839 --> 01:11:20,276
It's pretty cool?

986
01:11:20,376 --> 01:11:24,347
Neat, but no snow.
Let's see what else there is.

987
01:11:24,847 --> 01:11:30,384
Hey Bug! Look, I found this outside
for you. Santa must have dropped it.

988
01:11:40,195 --> 01:11:44,801
Bridge for children! I've always
wanted to learn how to play bridge!

989
01:11:44,901 --> 01:11:48,835
Woo-hoo, alright!
Neato, look at what I got!

990
01:11:53,008 --> 01:11:56,312
- I'm sorry.
- I'm drunk.

991
01:11:56,812 --> 01:11:58,915
I remain sorry.

992
01:11:59,315 --> 01:12:01,815
But I accept your apology.

993
01:12:04,887 --> 01:12:07,958
Oh for cripe's sake, Boyd, get a Goddamn
room if you're gonna be doing that.

994
01:12:08,058 --> 01:12:10,293
Dave's the designated
pervert in this family.

995
01:12:10,393 --> 01:12:12,893
He's not a pervert!

996
01:12:31,780 --> 01:12:34,982
- Hey, hey!
- Rancer!

997
01:12:37,786 --> 01:12:41,458
- You think I would have known better.
- Oh, I suppose.

998
01:12:41,558 --> 01:12:43,326
But if we always learned
from our mistakes,

999
01:12:43,426 --> 01:12:46,526
nobody'd ever spend
Christmas with their family.

1000
01:12:47,263 --> 01:12:50,618
What the hell good is getting a sled
in this day and age of global warming?

1001
01:12:50,719 --> 01:12:54,571
- You should have got the kid a boat.
- Shut up, Dad.

1002
01:12:55,171 --> 01:12:59,138
Dad, can we go inside and
play some bridge now?

1003
01:13:22,630 --> 01:13:25,601
Look Dad, it's snowing!

1004
01:13:25,701 --> 01:13:29,637
- You're right, Bug.
- It's probably ash.

1005
01:13:48,957 --> 01:13:51,827
<i>More, more, more, more.</i>

1006
01:13:51,927 --> 01:13:54,430
<i>Can't you hear it?</i>

1007
01:13:54,530 --> 01:13:57,033
<i>More, more, more, more.</i>

1008
01:13:57,133 --> 01:13:59,769
<i>Love comes through.</i>

1009
01:13:59,869 --> 01:14:02,204
<i>Give me happiness.</i>

1010
01:14:02,304 --> 01:14:04,840
<i>You're like the sun.</i>

1011
01:14:04,940 --> 01:14:10,243
<i>You're my holiday, my favourite one.</i>

1012
01:14:12,914 --> 01:14:15,885
<i>More than I wished for.</i>

1013
01:14:15,985 --> 01:14:18,487
<i>Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum.</i>

1014
01:14:18,587 --> 01:14:20,923
<i>Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum.</i>

1015
01:14:21,023 --> 01:14:23,592
<i>Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum.</i>

1016
01:14:23,692 --> 01:14:26,529
<i>More than I wished for.</i>

1017
01:14:26,629 --> 01:14:28,965
<i>Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum.</i>

1018
01:14:29,065 --> 01:14:31,734
<i>Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum.</i>

1019
01:14:31,834 --> 01:14:34,403
<i>Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum.</i>

1020
01:14:34,503 --> 01:14:37,338
<i>Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum.</i>

1021
01:14:40,009 --> 01:14:42,345
<i>Ring, ring Ring, ring.</i>

1022
01:14:42,445 --> 01:14:45,214
<i>I hear the birds.</i>

1023
01:14:45,314 --> 01:14:47,616
<i>Sing, sing Sing, sing.</i>

1024
01:14:47,716 --> 01:14:50,219
<i>Sweet Noel.</i>

1025
01:14:50,319 --> 01:14:55,224
<i>Peace for everyone,
be all good cheer.</i>

1026
01:14:55,324 --> 01:15:01,227
<i>A merry, wonderful time of year.</i>

1027
01:15:03,865 --> 01:15:06,535
<i>More than I wished for.</i>

1028
01:15:06,635 --> 01:15:09,305
<i>Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum.</i>

1029
01:15:09,405 --> 01:15:11,774
<i>Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum.</i>

1030
01:15:11,874 --> 01:15:14,510
<i>Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum.</i>

1031
01:15:14,610 --> 01:15:17,013
<i>More than I wished for.</i>

1032
01:15:17,113 --> 01:15:19,782
<i>Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum.</i>

1033
01:15:19,882 --> 01:15:22,518
<i>Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum.</i>

1034
01:15:22,618 --> 01:15:24,987
<i>Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum.</i>

1035
01:15:25,087 --> 01:15:28,422
<i>Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum.</i>

1036
01:15:31,127 --> 01:15:36,265
<i>You're my angel and the sun
You are my mistletoe.</i>

1037
01:15:36,365 --> 01:15:41,771
<i>You're my star that's shining bright
You are my Silent Night.</i>

1038
01:15:41,871 --> 01:15:46,976
<i>You're the sweetest little thing
You are out of a dream.</i>

1039
01:15:47,076 --> 01:15:49,612
<i>You're my sugar and my spice.</i>

1040
01:15:49,712 --> 01:15:52,481
<i>You're the naughty to my nice.</i>

1041
01:15:52,581 --> 01:15:57,086
<i>You are the one
You're more than I wish for.</i>

1042
01:15:57,186 --> 01:15:59,755
<i>Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum.</i>

1043
01:15:59,955 --> 01:16:02,491
<i>Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum.</i>

1044
01:16:02,591 --> 01:16:05,227
<i>Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum.</i>

1045
01:16:05,327 --> 01:16:07,830
<i>More than I wished for.</i>

1046
01:16:07,930 --> 01:16:10,533
<i>Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum.</i>

1047
01:16:10,633 --> 01:16:13,035
<i>Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum.</i>

1048
01:16:13,135 --> 01:16:15,671
<i>Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum.</i>

1049
01:16:15,771 --> 01:16:18,974
<i>More than I wished for.</i>

1050
01:16:19,074 --> 01:16:22,576
<i>Bu-doo-bum, boom boom.</i>

1051
01:16:29,017 --> 01:16:33,322
<i>Joy to the world, the Lord has come.</i>

1052
01:16:33,422 --> 01:16:37,760
<i>And he's drivin' a
big green bass boat.</i>

1053
01:16:37,860 --> 01:16:41,897
<i>Circling around your castle's moat.</i>

1054
01:16:41,997 --> 01:16:47,500
<i>He's the new favourite
late night talk-show host.</i>

1055
01:16:49,037 --> 01:16:55,675
<i>That's why we try to love.</i>

1056
01:16:58,479 --> 01:17:02,751
<i>Now that you're here,
come gather round.</i>

1057
01:17:02,851 --> 01:17:06,956
<i>Check out these
treasures that I found.</i>

1058
01:17:07,056 --> 01:17:10,860
<i>One makes a flash,
the other makes a sound.</i>

1059
01:17:10,960 --> 01:17:15,729
<i>But none will catch you
from crashing down.</i>

1060
01:17:18,000 --> 01:17:22,271
<i>That's why we try.</i>

1061
01:17:22,371 --> 01:17:25,672
<i>To love.</i>

1062
01:17:55,937 --> 01:18:00,075
<i>Life just kicks you, 1-2-3.</i>

1063
01:18:00,175 --> 01:18:04,146
<i>Keeps us guessing him or me.</i>

1064
01:18:04,246 --> 01:18:08,081
<i>There's always more to see,
always more want.</i>

1065
01:18:12,021 --> 01:18:18,627
<i>That's why we try to love.</i>

1066
01:18:18,727 --> 01:18:24,534
<i>That's why we try to love.</i>

1067
01:18:55,229 --> 01:18:57,366
<i>The weather outside is frightful.</i>

1068
01:18:57,466 --> 01:19:00,669
<i>And the fire is so inviting.</i>

1069
01:19:06,442 --> 01:19:08,911
<i>The sound of sleigh bells ringing.</i>

1070
01:19:09,011 --> 01:19:12,812
<i>Is all the more delightful.</i>

1071
01:19:17,987 --> 01:19:24,523
<i>The sight of snow falling
lightly on her cheek.</i>

1072
01:19:29,865 --> 01:19:36,368
<i>The things around this
little town aren't so bleak.</i>

1073
01:19:41,043 --> 01:19:45,578
<i>And the lights are up on the door.</i>

1074
01:19:46,715 --> 01:19:50,950
<i>They say it's Christmas time.</i>

1075
01:19:52,420 --> 01:19:57,023
<i>And I felt this once before.</i>

1076
01:19:58,226 --> 01:20:03,762
<i>And I can't get it out of my mind.</i>

1077
01:20:10,306 --> 01:20:16,209
<i>We can go out walking till
the snow starts to gleam.</i>

1078
01:20:19,147 --> 01:20:25,053
<i>Do you remember the stories
I told you? Or was it all a dream?</i>

1079
01:20:30,391 --> 01:20:36,262
<i>I still can't believe that
you are with me once again.</i>

1080
01:20:36,497 --> 01:20:36,997
<i>My dear.</i>

1081
01:20:51,012 --> 01:20:54,216
<i>Deck the halls with boughs of holly.</i>

1082
01:20:54,316 --> 01:20:57,786
<i>Fa la la, la la la, la la la.</i>

1083
01:20:57,886 --> 01:21:00,523
<i>Tis the season to be jolly.</i>

1084
01:21:00,623 --> 01:21:03,625
<i>Fa la la, la la la, la la la.</i>

1085
01:21:03,725 --> 01:21:06,295
<i>Don we now our gay apparel.</i>

1086
01:21:06,395 --> 01:21:08,897
<i>Fa la la, la la la, la la la.</i>

1087
01:21:08,997 --> 01:21:12,134
<i>Troll the ancient Yuletide carol.</i>

1088
01:21:12,234 --> 01:21:15,037
<i>Fa la la la la.</i>

1089
01:21:15,137 --> 01:21:18,006
<i>La la la...</i>

1090
01:21:18,106 --> 01:21:21,274
<i>La... La!</i>

1091
01:21:21,943 --> 01:21:25,481
<i>Ah...</i>

1092
01:21:28,550 --> 01:21:32,685
That's what you gotta commit to a song.
That's why we don't get first place.