1
00:00:27,459 --> 00:00:31,594
You know, relationships can be
a lot like a loaf of bread.
2
00:00:31,596 --> 00:00:34,296
At the beginning, they're hot and fresh,
3
00:00:34,298 --> 00:00:36,364
and you can always get a rise.
4
00:00:36,366 --> 00:00:38,766
But with time, if you don't
knead 'em carefully,
5
00:00:38,768 --> 00:00:40,433
they grow old and stale.
6
00:00:40,435 --> 00:00:43,436
Now, I know that life
ain't no easy-bake oven.
7
00:00:43,438 --> 00:00:45,738
But with the kids and my husband's job,
8
00:00:45,740 --> 00:00:48,640
it's almost as if we've
forgotten to add the yeast.
9
00:00:48,642 --> 00:00:50,642
So I'm hoping this trip to Reno
10
00:00:50,644 --> 00:00:53,044
with our best friends, candy and Roy,
11
00:00:53,046 --> 00:00:55,279
will be just what the doctor ordered.
12
00:00:55,281 --> 00:00:57,114
"F"...
13
00:00:57,116 --> 00:00:59,182
"L"...
14
00:00:59,184 --> 00:01:02,418
"O"...
15
00:01:02,420 --> 00:01:04,453
Can't you see it, Darlene?
16
00:01:04,455 --> 00:01:07,587
No. It's kinda hard
to make out.
17
00:01:10,524 --> 00:01:12,524
I think I'm just nervous, doc,
18
00:01:12,526 --> 00:01:15,760
'cause Lonnie Earl and I have
got to go on vacation tomorrow,
19
00:01:15,762 --> 00:01:18,562
and I'm just not real good
about leavin' home.
20
00:01:22,534 --> 00:01:25,601
Tracy regal, call the operator.
21
00:01:28,405 --> 00:01:30,471
Okay...
22
00:01:30,473 --> 00:01:32,472
All right, baby.
Move that sign.
23
00:01:32,474 --> 00:01:34,574
I'm tryin' to sell some cars here.
24
00:01:34,576 --> 00:01:36,576
Hey, Lonnie Earl dodd here.
Guess what, folks.
25
00:01:36,578 --> 00:01:39,245
It's time for our annual
presidents' day blowout sale,
26
00:01:39,247 --> 00:01:41,513
and I gotta tell you,
I'm feelin' rather patriotic.
27
00:01:41,515 --> 00:01:43,715
And I guarantee we won't be
undersold by anybody,
28
00:01:43,717 --> 00:01:46,350
and if you can't trust ol' Lonnie Earl dodd,
29
00:01:46,352 --> 00:01:48,418
then you can't trust anybody.
30
00:01:52,424 --> 00:01:54,323
All right now, Darlene, just go ahead
31
00:01:54,325 --> 00:01:57,092
and use one or two of those
drops if you feel the need,
32
00:01:57,094 --> 00:01:59,693
especially out there on that old
I-40 around the mojave desert.
33
00:02:01,329 --> 00:02:03,462
You just, go on and
have yourself a vacation.
34
00:02:03,464 --> 00:02:04,629
Thanks, doc.
35
00:02:04,631 --> 00:02:05,830
Roy?
36
00:02:05,832 --> 00:02:07,665
Hey, Roy!
37
00:02:10,336 --> 00:02:11,868
I got to call candy
38
00:02:11,870 --> 00:02:14,403
and see if she's bringing any nice clothes.
39
00:02:14,405 --> 00:02:16,005
She home?
Yeah, yeah.
40
00:02:16,006 --> 00:02:17,606
But, you know, I can't find
that husband of yours nowhere.
41
00:02:17,608 --> 00:02:19,074
I've called all over the place...
42
00:02:19,075 --> 00:02:20,541
the dealership, everywhere...
and I can't rouse him.
43
00:02:20,544 --> 00:02:23,677
Well, you know Lonnie Earl.
He's probably up to no good.
44
00:02:23,679 --> 00:02:28,214
And if you can't trust me,
who can you trust?
45
00:02:29,417 --> 00:02:32,418
And remember... if you can't
trust me, Lonnie Earl...
46
00:02:40,192 --> 00:02:42,125
Is there a problem?
47
00:02:42,127 --> 00:02:43,426
You're damn right there is!
48
00:02:43,428 --> 00:02:46,128
How come you got to take a shower after?
49
00:02:46,130 --> 00:02:49,330
You feel dirty?
50
00:02:49,332 --> 00:02:51,131
'Cause I sure as hell feel dirty.
51
00:02:51,133 --> 00:02:53,800
My God, Lonnie Earl.
We're filthy.
52
00:02:53,802 --> 00:02:56,669
I'm not.
I'm zestfully clean.
53
00:02:58,205 --> 00:02:59,370
Shit!
54
00:02:59,372 --> 00:03:01,389
How could you do that to me?!
55
00:03:01,390 --> 00:03:03,407
One minute you're cryin'
on my shoulder about Darlene,
56
00:03:03,409 --> 00:03:05,509
the next minute you're
bangin' me from behind!
57
00:03:05,511 --> 00:03:07,577
Well, you told me not to look at you.
58
00:03:09,430 --> 00:03:11,280
I got to send a sample over to the lab.
59
00:03:11,282 --> 00:03:12,547
Turn your head and cough.
60
00:03:14,549 --> 00:03:16,549
Don't waste your time
worryin' about it, though.
61
00:03:16,552 --> 00:03:19,452
Y'all just go on and enjoy your vacation.
62
00:03:19,454 --> 00:03:21,587
Well, you know, I guess you're right,
63
00:03:21,589 --> 00:03:24,423
'cause I know worryin' about it
ain't gonna change nothin',
64
00:03:24,425 --> 00:03:26,191
is it?
That's right.
65
00:03:26,193 --> 00:03:29,727
So...
What y'all got lined up?
66
00:03:29,729 --> 00:03:31,929
Lonnie Earl's got a bet with ol' bill Moore
67
00:03:31,931 --> 00:03:34,731
that he can eat this giant ol'
72-ounce steak in amarillo.
68
00:03:34,733 --> 00:03:36,449
Horseshit.
69
00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:38,166
Then we're gonna pop up to the grand canyon,
70
00:03:38,169 --> 00:03:39,635
'cause Darlene's always wanted to see that.
71
00:03:39,637 --> 00:03:41,936
And, you know what a partier candy is.
72
00:03:41,938 --> 00:03:43,537
She's just lookin' for the night life
73
00:03:43,539 --> 00:03:45,405
and the shows and the gamblin' and all that.
74
00:03:45,407 --> 00:03:46,906
But the big thing is,
75
00:03:46,908 --> 00:03:49,742
we got tickets to the monster truck jam.
76
00:03:49,744 --> 00:03:52,411
Yeah, yeah.
That sounds like a big time.
77
00:03:52,413 --> 00:03:55,947
You know, Roy, I could,
send the test results
78
00:03:55,949 --> 00:03:58,182
over to candy's folks,
79
00:03:58,184 --> 00:03:59,483
let them know when they come in.
80
00:03:59,485 --> 00:04:01,151
No. No, sir.
81
00:04:01,152 --> 00:04:02,818
I don't want...
Them worryin' or nothin',
82
00:04:02,821 --> 00:04:04,654
so I'd like to be the first to know.
83
00:04:04,656 --> 00:04:06,187
Well, all right, then.
84
00:04:06,189 --> 00:04:08,255
I'll just wait to hear from you.
85
00:04:08,257 --> 00:04:09,723
And don't you worry.
86
00:04:09,725 --> 00:04:13,626
I'll bet you that everything's
gonna be just fine.
87
00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:15,461
Beautiful emerald...
88
00:04:19,333 --> 00:04:21,633
Do you have to go outside, miss thing?
89
00:04:24,337 --> 00:04:25,803
Come on, sweetie.
90
00:04:25,805 --> 00:04:27,271
Come on.
91
00:04:27,273 --> 00:04:29,806
It's a bird. It's a plane.
No, it's superman!
92
00:04:29,808 --> 00:04:33,508
Lane Aaron dodd, get your ass
down from there right now!
93
00:04:33,510 --> 00:04:35,443
But I'm superman!
94
00:04:35,445 --> 00:04:38,379
Your butt's gonna be super red,
if you don't do as I say.
95
00:04:45,987 --> 00:04:47,319
Hey, good-lookin'!
96
00:04:47,321 --> 00:04:49,487
Jesus h. Christ, Roy.
Dear.
97
00:04:49,489 --> 00:04:51,489
Don't do that!
I'm sorry, darlin'.
98
00:04:51,491 --> 00:04:54,358
God, you almost made me piss on the rug!
I'm sorry.
99
00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:56,360
Why are you so jumpy?
I just...
100
00:04:56,362 --> 00:04:59,395
What the hell are you doin' here
in the middle of the day?
101
00:04:59,397 --> 00:05:01,163
Shouldn't you be at work?
102
00:05:01,164 --> 00:05:02,930
Well, your daddy asked me
to run some errands for him,
103
00:05:02,933 --> 00:05:06,467
so I thought I'd just kinda stop
by and see if you was ovulatin'.
104
00:05:07,803 --> 00:05:10,336
Well, I don't know if I am or not.
105
00:05:10,338 --> 00:05:13,839
Well, you're dressed like
you should be ovulatin'.
106
00:05:13,841 --> 00:05:15,273
What?
107
00:05:15,275 --> 00:05:16,991
Roy, no. Not right now.
Come on.
108
00:05:16,992 --> 00:05:18,708
That towel will come off... you
should go to work, you know?
109
00:05:18,711 --> 00:05:20,811
Daddy will miss you, and then
there'd be a lot of shit,
110
00:05:20,813 --> 00:05:22,829
and he'll get pissed off, and...
111
00:05:22,830 --> 00:05:24,847
darlin', it ain't possible
for him not to get pissed off.
112
00:05:24,849 --> 00:05:26,515
He ain't gonna have no problem with it
113
00:05:26,517 --> 00:05:28,316
if he thinks we're making a grandbaby.
114
00:05:28,318 --> 00:05:30,785
Roy... real quick? Just a little quickie.
115
00:05:30,787 --> 00:05:32,353
I can't do this right now, God damn it.
116
00:05:32,355 --> 00:05:33,621
Very fast?
I have...
117
00:05:33,622 --> 00:05:34,888
sweetheart...
I have a ton of shit to do.
118
00:05:34,890 --> 00:05:37,423
I got to pack.
We got to leave tomorrow, baby!
119
00:05:37,425 --> 00:05:38,424
Reno!
120
00:05:38,426 --> 00:05:40,392
All... all right.
121
00:05:40,394 --> 00:05:42,394
Candy, wh...
122
00:05:43,463 --> 00:05:46,897
what the hell happened
to our wedding picture?
123
00:05:46,899 --> 00:05:48,564
Cat.
124
00:05:48,566 --> 00:05:50,432
Too much catnip, you know?
125
00:05:50,434 --> 00:05:52,534
Murphy?
Yes. Baby...
126
00:05:52,536 --> 00:05:54,502
He must've mule-kicked
the dang...
127
00:05:54,504 --> 00:05:55,803
I have to tell you somethin'.
128
00:05:55,805 --> 00:05:57,037
Come over here.
129
00:05:57,039 --> 00:05:58,405
What?
You ready?
130
00:05:58,407 --> 00:06:00,373
What?
Okay.
131
00:06:00,375 --> 00:06:04,276
So I've been thinkin', and...
132
00:06:04,278 --> 00:06:07,012
You know what I really want to
do when we get to Reno?
133
00:06:08,682 --> 00:06:13,851
I want to renew our wedding vows.
134
00:06:13,853 --> 00:06:19,388
W-why?
What... What for?
135
00:06:19,390 --> 00:06:22,023
Because it's romantic, Roy.
136
00:06:22,025 --> 00:06:27,561
A lot of people get married
where gambling is legal.
137
00:06:27,563 --> 00:06:30,864
Well, one kinda does go
with the other, don't it?
138
00:06:32,383 --> 00:06:33,899
Yes, baby.
And you know what?
139
00:06:33,902 --> 00:06:35,835
It'd be so great
140
00:06:35,836 --> 00:06:37,769
'cause it would be like
a brand-new start for us.
141
00:06:37,772 --> 00:06:41,539
Like... like if either one of us
ever did anything in the past
142
00:06:41,541 --> 00:06:44,508
that... that we'd like
to change,
143
00:06:44,510 --> 00:06:46,543
it would just be erased.
144
00:06:46,545 --> 00:06:51,079
Like, it won't count no more, okay?
145
00:06:51,081 --> 00:06:53,081
Well... Have... have...
146
00:06:53,083 --> 00:06:56,017
have I done somethin' wrong
I don't know about?
147
00:06:56,019 --> 00:06:58,452
I mean, if I d...
I-if I did, I'm sorry.
148
00:06:58,454 --> 00:07:01,087
Honey, no.
No.
149
00:07:01,089 --> 00:07:03,355
Well... Well, what?
150
00:07:03,357 --> 00:07:05,823
No, honey.
151
00:07:05,825 --> 00:07:08,892
It's just something that I
really, really want to do.
152
00:07:10,595 --> 00:07:11,994
Picture it...
153
00:07:11,996 --> 00:07:15,664
Reno...
With all them bright lights...
154
00:07:15,666 --> 00:07:17,666
And all the action.
155
00:07:17,668 --> 00:07:19,834
Baby, it would be so perfect.
156
00:07:19,836 --> 00:07:22,803
Please. Please, please,
please, please, please.
157
00:07:22,805 --> 00:07:24,104
Well, hell, you know,
158
00:07:24,106 --> 00:07:25,605
if it means that much to you, I'm game.
159
00:07:25,607 --> 00:07:26,607
Let's do it.
160
00:07:28,142 --> 00:07:29,675
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
161
00:07:29,677 --> 00:07:31,409
Tell me.
I hate surprises.
162
00:07:31,411 --> 00:07:33,110
Well, just...
just see for yourself.
163
00:07:34,813 --> 00:07:39,382
No. You didn't.
164
00:07:40,551 --> 00:07:42,851
You sure did.
165
00:07:45,789 --> 00:07:48,456
You did.
You horn dog, you.
166
00:07:48,458 --> 00:07:50,124
See there?
Ain't she a beaut?
167
00:07:50,126 --> 00:07:52,459
Dealer exclusive.
Anniversary special.
168
00:07:52,461 --> 00:07:55,495
Boy, this son of a bitch
has got everything on it
169
00:07:55,497 --> 00:07:56,795
except electric dick massage.
170
00:07:56,797 --> 00:07:58,463
I can't believe you, Lonnie.
171
00:07:58,465 --> 00:08:00,465
We really gonna take this son
of a bitch across country?
172
00:08:00,467 --> 00:08:02,433
Well, hell, yeah, we're gonna
take it across the country.
173
00:08:02,435 --> 00:08:03,634
It's got to cost a fortune!
174
00:08:03,636 --> 00:08:04,968
Well, nothing's too good for my friends.
175
00:08:04,970 --> 00:08:06,803
We're gonna be ridin'
and stylin' and profilin'.
176
00:08:06,805 --> 00:08:09,138
It smells loud.
177
00:08:09,140 --> 00:08:11,673
That's probably that corinthian
leather, is what that is.
178
00:08:11,675 --> 00:08:13,374
I would imagine.
179
00:08:13,376 --> 00:08:14,709
That's real leather?
180
00:08:14,710 --> 00:08:16,043
Well, hell, yeah, it's real leather.
181
00:08:16,045 --> 00:08:17,444
Dang me.
182
00:08:17,446 --> 00:08:18,812
You know what besides that?
183
00:08:18,814 --> 00:08:20,647
I had Jerome unhook the odometer.
184
00:08:20,649 --> 00:08:23,048
Sell the son of a bitch like
brand-new when we get back.
185
00:08:23,050 --> 00:08:24,817
See what I'm sayin'?
186
00:08:24,819 --> 00:08:25,818
You're my hero.
187
00:08:25,820 --> 00:08:27,519
Hey, what do you think, Ronnie?
188
00:08:27,521 --> 00:08:28,637
These wheels are sweet.
189
00:08:28,638 --> 00:08:29,754
Yeah, they are, ain't they?
190
00:08:31,090 --> 00:08:32,089
W-w-
191
00:08:32,091 --> 00:08:34,157
You crazy?
192
00:08:34,159 --> 00:08:36,326
Hey, you guys!
193
00:08:36,327 --> 00:08:38,494
Hey, Lonnie Earl,
where the hell have you been?
194
00:08:38,496 --> 00:08:40,529
I haven't seen you in days.
195
00:08:40,531 --> 00:08:42,764
Yeah, well, you know,
they keep me hoppin'. Yeah.
196
00:08:45,935 --> 00:08:49,568
Lonnie Earl, I got to stop
by work on the way out of town.
197
00:08:49,570 --> 00:08:51,069
What are you talkin' about?
198
00:08:51,071 --> 00:08:52,737
Roy got in a little bit of trouble
199
00:08:52,739 --> 00:08:53,738
with daddy again.
200
00:08:53,740 --> 00:08:55,223
He just wants to see him.
201
00:08:55,224 --> 00:08:56,707
It ain't got nothin' to do
with your daddy, baby.
202
00:08:56,709 --> 00:08:57,874
Yeah, well...
203
00:08:57,876 --> 00:08:59,709
Hey... You serious?
204
00:08:59,711 --> 00:09:01,911
It ain't gonna take but a minute, man.
205
00:09:01,913 --> 00:09:03,245
You see this?
206
00:09:03,247 --> 00:09:05,914
It's a triptik.
It's called a triptik.
207
00:09:05,916 --> 00:09:08,283
Now, I took the trouble to call AAA
208
00:09:08,285 --> 00:09:10,618
and have them figure out
everything for us...
209
00:09:10,620 --> 00:09:13,053
the whole schedule... so we're
gonna stick to it, okay?
210
00:09:13,055 --> 00:09:15,788
Everybody needs to read that
loud and clear, you understand?
211
00:09:15,790 --> 00:09:17,589
Honey, don't get so uptight.
212
00:09:17,591 --> 00:09:19,057
I'm not uptight!
213
00:09:30,201 --> 00:09:31,800
Mr. kirkendall?
214
00:09:34,237 --> 00:09:36,570
Mr. bush is as mad
as a riled-up bull
215
00:09:36,572 --> 00:09:38,104
about that beefy nibby thing.
216
00:09:38,106 --> 00:09:40,205
I didn't mean to put on the wrong labels.
217
00:09:40,207 --> 00:09:42,540
And I just feel plumb awful about it, sir.
218
00:09:42,542 --> 00:09:44,092
I need this job.
219
00:09:44,093 --> 00:09:45,643
What if he fires me, Mr. kirkendall? June...
220
00:09:45,645 --> 00:09:46,644
June, you listen to me.
You ain't gonna get fired.
221
00:09:46,646 --> 00:09:48,245
I promise you, okay?
222
00:09:48,247 --> 00:09:50,914
Everybody makes mistakes.
I mean, hell, look at me.
223
00:09:50,916 --> 00:09:52,749
Just ask my mama, okay?
224
00:09:56,588 --> 00:09:59,121
Good to see ya, sweetie pie!
225
00:10:01,225 --> 00:10:03,792
Lonnie Earl, that car's
runnin' great. Thanks.
226
00:10:03,794 --> 00:10:04,958
Good deal, Fred.
227
00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:06,760
Darlene...
228
00:10:06,761 --> 00:10:08,561
You're lookin' beautiful, as always.
229
00:10:08,563 --> 00:10:10,229
Thank you, Fred.
230
00:10:12,566 --> 00:10:14,566
Roy...
231
00:10:14,568 --> 00:10:17,235
You bumble-dick gourd head.
232
00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:23,307
Well, how about you, Fred?
Nice morning, ain't it?
233
00:10:23,309 --> 00:10:25,575
Damn it, boy, don't take that tone with me.
234
00:10:25,577 --> 00:10:27,643
I will slap the taste out of your mouth.
235
00:10:27,645 --> 00:10:32,179
Do you even have any
inkling why you're here?
236
00:10:32,181 --> 00:10:33,580
Well...
237
00:10:35,216 --> 00:10:37,950
no.
238
00:10:37,951 --> 00:10:40,685
I have got 200 cases of ocean delight
239
00:10:40,688 --> 00:10:42,854
that are labeled
"beef and cheese nibbies."
240
00:10:42,856 --> 00:10:45,189
Now, you tell me how the hell
somethin' like that happens.
241
00:10:45,191 --> 00:10:47,691
No.
242
00:10:47,693 --> 00:10:49,759
I am sorry. I...
243
00:10:49,761 --> 00:10:52,028
It is my fault.
244
00:10:52,029 --> 00:10:54,296
I-I got the cans mixed up,
and then candy paged me,
245
00:10:54,298 --> 00:10:55,997
and I had to...
246
00:10:55,999 --> 00:10:57,163
Well...
247
00:10:58,366 --> 00:11:00,899
I... I forgot.
248
00:11:00,901 --> 00:11:03,268
Yeah, but then why did you
go ahead and ship 'em?
249
00:11:03,270 --> 00:11:06,271
I mean, we're talkin' about
cat lovers here, boy.
250
00:11:06,273 --> 00:11:08,640
When the cat lover opens
the beef and cheese nibbies,
251
00:11:08,642 --> 00:11:10,742
he expects to find
the beef and cheese nibbies,
252
00:11:10,744 --> 00:11:13,244
not a fuckin' ocean delight!
253
00:11:13,246 --> 00:11:14,712
Understood?
254
00:11:14,714 --> 00:11:15,779
Yes, sir.
255
00:11:17,749 --> 00:11:20,916
And just where in the hell
were you yesterday afternoon
256
00:11:20,918 --> 00:11:22,750
when all this was happenin'?
257
00:11:22,752 --> 00:11:25,052
He was at the house.
258
00:11:25,054 --> 00:11:27,287
I needed him for something.
259
00:11:27,289 --> 00:11:30,890
Well, okay.
260
00:11:30,892 --> 00:11:32,725
Why? What...
261
00:11:32,727 --> 00:11:34,960
Wasn't nothin' wrong, was there?
262
00:11:36,263 --> 00:11:38,263
No.
You see...
263
00:11:38,265 --> 00:11:40,031
No, sir.
264
00:11:40,032 --> 00:11:41,798
See, she's just checkin'
for when she's ovulatin'
265
00:11:41,801 --> 00:11:43,734
because we know how much you
want that grandbaby,
266
00:11:43,736 --> 00:11:46,036
so, when she pages, I come.
267
00:11:48,272 --> 00:11:51,239
I mean... I go.
268
00:11:51,241 --> 00:11:54,642
Well, you know what I mean.
269
00:11:56,812 --> 00:12:00,280
I don't even want to think
about that. Just...
270
00:12:00,282 --> 00:12:03,133
Just get the hell out of here.
271
00:12:03,134 --> 00:12:05,985
Well, I'm glad we're finally on the road.
272
00:12:07,655 --> 00:12:09,154
Here's to a big ol' time.
273
00:12:09,156 --> 00:12:10,321
Look out, Reno.
274
00:12:10,323 --> 00:12:12,990
We're gonna put some hair on the wall.
275
00:12:24,701 --> 00:12:26,300
Well, shit on a stick.
276
00:12:29,038 --> 00:12:30,670
Good.
It's just Russell and Boyd.
277
00:12:30,672 --> 00:12:32,738
We're gonna be out of here in a heartbeat.
278
00:12:32,740 --> 00:12:33,905
All right, sir...
279
00:12:36,008 --> 00:12:38,108
Well, hey, Lonnie Earl!
I didn't know that was you.
280
00:12:38,111 --> 00:12:39,275
How is everybody?
281
00:12:39,277 --> 00:12:41,877
How about you, Russell...
Boyd?
282
00:12:41,879 --> 00:12:42,978
Hi, candy.
283
00:12:42,980 --> 00:12:44,663
Ee, man.
284
00:12:44,664 --> 00:12:46,347
This is one fine vehicle you got here.
285
00:12:46,350 --> 00:12:48,817
Has that got that dick massage on it, too?
286
00:12:48,819 --> 00:12:50,418
No.
Don't you start with me.
287
00:12:50,420 --> 00:12:52,386
Listen, we're in kind of a hurry.
288
00:12:52,388 --> 00:12:54,221
We're goin' out of town on vacation.
289
00:12:54,223 --> 00:12:55,789
No kidding?
Whereabouts you goin'?
290
00:12:55,791 --> 00:12:57,323
Reno, Nevada...
291
00:12:57,325 --> 00:12:59,758
No shit? Y'all goin' to that
monster truck jam out there?
292
00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:01,392
You got it, hoss.
Check this son of a bitch out.
293
00:13:01,394 --> 00:13:02,960
Lucky sons of bitches...
294
00:13:02,962 --> 00:13:04,927
goin' to the biggest
little city in the world.
295
00:13:04,929 --> 00:13:06,328
Yeah. Well, see there?
296
00:13:06,329 --> 00:13:07,728
Of course, that is if we get there in time.
297
00:13:07,731 --> 00:13:08,863
I'd love to sit here
and talk to you all day long.
298
00:13:08,865 --> 00:13:09,964
You know that.
299
00:13:09,966 --> 00:13:12,232
You know that, don't you, Boyd?
300
00:13:12,234 --> 00:13:13,366
But, see, we got to get on the road,
301
00:13:13,368 --> 00:13:15,335
so why don't you just let us go?
302
00:13:15,336 --> 00:13:17,303
Now, Lonnie Earl, you know you
ran that stop sign back there.
303
00:13:17,305 --> 00:13:18,837
Well, hell, I've been runnin'
that son of a bitch
304
00:13:18,839 --> 00:13:20,071
since I been drivin', Russell.
305
00:13:20,073 --> 00:13:21,305
You know that.
Everybody runs that damn sign.
306
00:13:21,307 --> 00:13:23,206
I know I do.
307
00:13:23,208 --> 00:13:24,907
See?
Damn it, Boyd.
308
00:13:25,876 --> 00:13:29,244
Look, Lonnie Earl,
I understand that and all,
309
00:13:29,246 --> 00:13:32,279
but... You just shouldn't do it
right in front of us.
310
00:13:32,281 --> 00:13:35,015
Just look at you... you're sittin'
there, you're drinkin' that beer
311
00:13:35,017 --> 00:13:36,850
like we was
at the drive-in movies
312
00:13:36,852 --> 00:13:39,018
and I wasn't wearin' this here badge.
313
00:13:39,020 --> 00:13:41,286
Russell, this is my first beer of the day.
I swear to God.
314
00:13:41,288 --> 00:13:42,987
I'll vouch for him.
See?
315
00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:44,488
Me too, Boyd.
Me three.
316
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:47,023
Come on, Russell.
Everybody makes mistakes.
317
00:13:47,025 --> 00:13:49,325
Come on, Russell.
Shit.
318
00:13:49,327 --> 00:13:51,960
Hey, you know how fond
of beer you are, don't you?
319
00:13:51,962 --> 00:13:53,194
Hey, now.
320
00:13:53,196 --> 00:13:54,461
Right?
Isn't he, Boyd?
321
00:13:54,463 --> 00:13:56,929
He hates it.
Swear to God.
322
00:13:58,265 --> 00:14:00,798
What are you laughin' at?
323
00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:02,833
I'll tell you what.
324
00:14:02,834 --> 00:14:04,867
Why don't I just hop up on top of
this truck and unstrap a couple cases
325
00:14:04,870 --> 00:14:06,269
and give it to y'all,
and let's call it even?
326
00:14:06,271 --> 00:14:07,737
I mean, you know, as friends.
327
00:14:07,739 --> 00:14:09,905
I wouldn't call that even.
I'd call that a bribe.
328
00:14:15,078 --> 00:14:16,777
Buckle up!
329
00:15:00,146 --> 00:15:02,513
Now, if anybody's got to piss,
let's do it now,
330
00:15:02,515 --> 00:15:04,181
'cause we don't stop again for a while.
331
00:15:04,183 --> 00:15:06,149
Hey, you want me to get
these bottles and toss 'em?
332
00:15:06,151 --> 00:15:10,086
Well, hell, no. We can get deposit
on them later on. Just pump the gas.
333
00:15:10,088 --> 00:15:12,188
Yes, sir.
334
00:15:12,190 --> 00:15:15,256
Lonnie Earl, can I get some wine coolers?
335
00:15:15,258 --> 00:15:17,291
Well, why can't you drink beer
like everybody else?
336
00:15:17,293 --> 00:15:19,126
I told you...
it's full up in there.
337
00:15:19,128 --> 00:15:21,261
We ain't got room
for a bunch of wine coolers.
338
00:15:21,263 --> 00:15:23,863
Well, I wouldn't mind havin'
one of them wine coolers.
339
00:15:27,534 --> 00:15:31,335
Buy some damn wine coolers, then.
340
00:15:31,337 --> 00:15:33,337
Coolers!
341
00:15:33,339 --> 00:15:36,340
I don't know why you like to
drink them things. Sissy shit.
342
00:15:36,342 --> 00:15:38,275
Hell, yeah, girls.
There you go.
343
00:15:38,277 --> 00:15:40,376
You too, Roy.
Just pile it the hell on there.
344
00:15:40,378 --> 00:15:42,978
I got plenty of money.
I'm Mr. deep pockets.
345
00:15:42,980 --> 00:15:46,260
Does anybody else here want me to buy 'em
anything while we're here at the counter?
346
00:15:47,517 --> 00:15:50,351
Look!
347
00:15:50,352 --> 00:15:53,186
Bob barker is datin' another
one of them barker beauties.
348
00:15:53,189 --> 00:15:56,056
That old man can't keep it in his pants.
349
00:15:56,058 --> 00:15:58,925
He ought to take his own advice
and get it neutered.
350
00:15:58,927 --> 00:16:01,027
I say more power to him.
351
00:16:01,029 --> 00:16:02,495
You would.
352
00:16:02,497 --> 00:16:05,363
Well, at least he's gettin' him some.
353
00:16:05,365 --> 00:16:07,898
Darlene!
Hey, hey, hey, Darlene!
354
00:16:07,900 --> 00:16:09,232
It's an Oklahoma shot glass.
355
00:16:09,234 --> 00:16:12,268
They got one. You got one of these?
No, we don't.
356
00:16:12,270 --> 00:16:16,038
You better get it, 'cause I doubt you're gonna
find one of these suckers anywhere else.
357
00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:17,873
We don't need another damn shot glass.
358
00:16:17,875 --> 00:16:19,441
All they do is collect dust anyhow.
359
00:16:19,443 --> 00:16:21,843
Just put that son of a bitch
back and let's go.
360
00:16:21,845 --> 00:16:24,412
We're gonna have to make up some
time before lunch, all right?
361
00:16:28,418 --> 00:16:32,018
Hon, would you like me to
help you bag up some of this?
362
00:16:39,060 --> 00:16:41,493
Since Lonnie Earl planned the trip,
363
00:16:41,495 --> 00:16:43,294
he decided to stop in amarillo
364
00:16:43,296 --> 00:16:45,462
so could eat
this 72-ounce steak.
365
00:16:45,464 --> 00:16:48,097
Of course, his $50 bet with bill Moore.
366
00:16:48,099 --> 00:16:50,365
Was the real reason we were stopping there.
367
00:16:50,367 --> 00:16:52,633
I swear that husband of mine
would do anything
368
00:16:52,635 --> 00:16:54,001
to save a buck.
369
00:16:59,072 --> 00:17:01,138
Isn't that pretty?
370
00:17:01,140 --> 00:17:02,506
No.
371
00:17:02,508 --> 00:17:04,508
Wait, Lonnie Earl.
Let me get your picture.
372
00:17:04,510 --> 00:17:06,042
My lord.
373
00:17:06,044 --> 00:17:07,627
One more.
374
00:17:07,628 --> 00:17:09,211
Okay. You ready?
Get closer to the meat.
375
00:17:09,213 --> 00:17:10,696
That is... that...
376
00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:12,180
I'm sorry. That is
the ass end of a rhino.
377
00:17:12,182 --> 00:17:14,482
This is no bigger than a papa burger at a&w.
378
00:17:14,484 --> 00:17:16,183
Easily handleable.
379
00:17:17,452 --> 00:17:19,351
That hunk of meat's bigger than our cat.
380
00:17:19,353 --> 00:17:21,385
You're gonna be sick is what's gonna happen.
381
00:17:21,387 --> 00:17:23,353
No. I got a plan.
See, you just take your time.
382
00:17:23,355 --> 00:17:25,421
Breeze through it. Eat all
this other shit afterward.
383
00:17:25,423 --> 00:17:27,389
You know, push it through.
See what I'm sayin'?
384
00:17:27,391 --> 00:17:29,257
Go with the flow.
That kind of deal.
385
00:17:29,259 --> 00:17:30,959
You're gonna be sick.
Shut up, Darlene.
386
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:32,660
Look at all this meat I get,
and I get paid to eat it.
387
00:17:32,662 --> 00:17:34,962
You kiddin' me?
388
00:17:34,963 --> 00:17:37,263
You're gonna be ridin' that porcelain pony.
Yeah, we'll see.
389
00:17:37,266 --> 00:17:38,782
Are you gonna go?
390
00:17:38,783 --> 00:17:40,299
First bite. I'm ready. There you go.
391
00:17:40,302 --> 00:17:42,435
Okay.
392
00:17:42,437 --> 00:17:46,272
Ladies and gentlemen, could I
have your attention, please?
393
00:17:46,274 --> 00:17:49,440
This is Mr. Lonnie Earl dodd
from millsberg,
394
00:17:49,442 --> 00:17:53,277
and he's gonna try to eat
this 72-ounce steak dinner.
395
00:17:53,279 --> 00:17:55,246
Go, Lonnie Earl.
396
00:17:55,247 --> 00:17:57,214
He has one hour to eat 72 ounces of meat,
397
00:17:57,216 --> 00:18:00,450
salad, shrimp cocktail,
baked potato, and bread.
398
00:18:00,452 --> 00:18:03,152
If you'd like to look at this steak,
399
00:18:03,154 --> 00:18:04,453
come over and take a look,
400
00:18:04,455 --> 00:18:06,388
but don't ask too many questions.
401
00:18:06,390 --> 00:18:08,556
He only has an hour to do this in.
402
00:18:08,558 --> 00:18:11,592
Let's give Lonnie Earl a little
round of encouragement.
403
00:18:59,737 --> 00:19:04,205
Okay...
He's got 45 seconds.
404
00:19:04,207 --> 00:19:07,174
Everybody give him a hand.
He's gonna make it.
405
00:19:14,214 --> 00:19:16,314
Lonnie Earl dodd!
406
00:19:16,316 --> 00:19:20,318
"Big texan steak ranch 72-ounce
steak club achievement award."
407
00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:21,819
To Lonnie Earl dodd.
408
00:19:21,821 --> 00:19:23,120
I saw.
409
00:19:23,122 --> 00:19:25,255
That's free and you get 50 bucks?
410
00:19:26,424 --> 00:19:28,323
So good.
Can I take a bite of yours?
411
00:19:28,325 --> 00:19:29,589
If I can have your cherry.
412
00:19:29,591 --> 00:19:31,290
Sure you can, honey.
There you go.
413
00:19:31,292 --> 00:19:33,325
I can't eat this whole dang thing.
414
00:19:33,327 --> 00:19:34,592
Of course you can, Roy.
415
00:19:34,594 --> 00:19:35,859
Well, I'll help you.
416
00:19:35,861 --> 00:19:37,460
I knew you would, baby.
417
00:19:37,462 --> 00:19:39,395
It's not like Lonnie Earl will help you.
418
00:19:41,399 --> 00:19:42,731
Lonnie Earl...
419
00:19:42,733 --> 00:19:45,100
Lonnie Earl... Look at this.
420
00:19:45,102 --> 00:19:46,701
I would like to present you with a gift.
421
00:19:46,703 --> 00:19:48,369
Come on!
Come on, Lonnie Earl!
422
00:19:48,371 --> 00:19:50,404
I just want to see you puke.
423
00:19:50,406 --> 00:19:52,806
He's fakin'!
424
00:19:52,808 --> 00:19:55,108
It's not funny, Lonnie Earl.
425
00:19:55,110 --> 00:19:56,475
What is it, honey?
426
00:19:56,477 --> 00:19:58,510
You want another one?
427
00:19:58,512 --> 00:20:00,311
My God.
I think he's gonna be sick.
428
00:20:00,313 --> 00:20:01,445
Get that bucket.
What's wrong?
429
00:20:01,447 --> 00:20:03,447
Honey...
430
00:20:03,449 --> 00:20:04,714
Hold on!
431
00:20:04,716 --> 00:20:07,183
Lonnie Earl, put your arms up!
Put your arms up!
432
00:20:07,185 --> 00:20:08,717
Get your hands off of him, homo!
433
00:20:08,719 --> 00:20:10,385
Don't fuss, candy.
He's gonna be fine.
434
00:20:10,387 --> 00:20:12,153
You want to throw up, Lonnie Earl?
435
00:20:12,155 --> 00:20:13,387
Lonnie Earl, can you breathe?
436
00:20:13,389 --> 00:20:15,822
My God.
I think he's dyin'!
437
00:20:15,824 --> 00:20:17,356
Lonnie Earl, don't die!
438
00:20:17,358 --> 00:20:19,358
He just needs another beer.
439
00:20:21,294 --> 00:20:22,860
Hey, julio.
What's up?
440
00:20:22,862 --> 00:20:25,229
Well, I brought something
over for you and your father.
441
00:20:25,231 --> 00:20:27,364
You know, I really want us to be
good friends and good neighbors.
442
00:20:27,366 --> 00:20:29,232
Hey, man, what is it?
Let me take a look.
443
00:20:29,234 --> 00:20:30,800
Well, that's some good food, man.
444
00:20:30,801 --> 00:20:32,367
Well, I fix it myself, you know.
445
00:20:32,370 --> 00:20:34,090
Well, I ain't eatin' none of that mafungus.
446
00:20:35,839 --> 00:20:38,139
Mr. dodd, but you've
got to take it easy.
447
00:20:38,140 --> 00:20:40,440
And y'all make sure that he
drinks plenty of fluids.
448
00:20:42,545 --> 00:20:44,711
Spare ribs and mustard Greens.
449
00:20:44,713 --> 00:20:48,346
So, have a great rest of your trip,
450
00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:49,680
and take good care of yourself.
451
00:20:49,682 --> 00:20:51,381
And don't forget this.
452
00:20:51,383 --> 00:20:53,383
No, that's...
Hey, thanks.
453
00:20:53,385 --> 00:20:54,350
Yeah.
Take care of yourself.
454
00:20:54,352 --> 00:20:55,351
I will.
455
00:20:55,353 --> 00:20:57,386
Hi, hon.
You all better?
456
00:20:57,388 --> 00:20:59,654
Well, like y'all would give a shit.
457
00:20:59,656 --> 00:21:02,590
Okay. Well, he just wanted
me to check in with you,
458
00:21:02,592 --> 00:21:05,826
'cause, you know, doc,
he don't trust nobody else,
459
00:21:05,828 --> 00:21:08,762
especially some snot-nosed
little Texas doctor
460
00:21:08,764 --> 00:21:10,764
who ain't too long off the tit.
461
00:21:12,299 --> 00:21:14,265
But, listen, while I got you...
462
00:21:14,267 --> 00:21:17,835
I... what about
them tests I had done?
463
00:21:17,837 --> 00:21:21,205
Okay.
464
00:21:21,207 --> 00:21:23,340
Okay, I will bet one for you.
465
00:21:25,344 --> 00:21:27,744
The doc says that,
466
00:21:27,746 --> 00:21:30,646
that, if you're still feelin' puny tomorrow,
467
00:21:30,648 --> 00:21:32,848
you're supposed to mix
a bunch of meat tenderizer
468
00:21:32,850 --> 00:21:36,384
in some water and drink it,
and you'll be fine.
469
00:21:36,386 --> 00:21:38,351
Yeah, I'm sure I'll be fine.
470
00:21:38,353 --> 00:21:41,721
Plus I'm $50 richer, right?
471
00:21:41,723 --> 00:21:46,425
And a hospital bill later.
472
00:21:46,427 --> 00:21:49,728
Listen. If... if, bill Moore
gives me shit about this bet,
473
00:21:49,730 --> 00:21:51,463
you're my witness, right?
474
00:21:51,465 --> 00:21:53,331
Damn straight.
475
00:21:53,333 --> 00:21:55,433
Okay.
476
00:21:55,435 --> 00:21:58,202
I know the boy.
477
00:21:58,204 --> 00:22:00,504
What was that you were talkin'
to doc tuley about...
478
00:22:00,506 --> 00:22:02,405
about some tests or somethin'?
479
00:22:02,407 --> 00:22:04,406
Nothin'.
480
00:22:04,408 --> 00:22:06,141
Just, you know, insurance crap
481
00:22:06,142 --> 00:22:07,875
where they make you pee
in a bottle all the time,
482
00:22:07,878 --> 00:22:10,411
you know, every time you turn around.
483
00:22:10,413 --> 00:22:12,613
But are you goin' swimmin' or not?
484
00:22:14,316 --> 00:22:15,448
I don't think so.
485
00:22:15,450 --> 00:22:17,516
I'll just sink like a cat in a bag.
486
00:22:17,518 --> 00:22:19,417
You know what I think I'm gonna do?
487
00:22:19,419 --> 00:22:21,519
Go over the souvenir shop
and tease that rattlesnake.
488
00:22:21,521 --> 00:22:23,320
That's a good idea.
489
00:22:23,322 --> 00:22:26,289
Besides that, you know, Darlene's
gonna be back in a little bit.
490
00:22:26,291 --> 00:22:28,991
She's gonna chicken out. She won't
ever sneak in no hotel pool.
491
00:22:28,993 --> 00:22:31,993
Well, sometimes when people
are away from home,
492
00:22:31,995 --> 00:22:35,296
they do things they might not normally do.
493
00:22:38,934 --> 00:22:41,467
Yeah, I wish.
494
00:22:42,937 --> 00:22:44,903
All clear.
495
00:22:44,905 --> 00:22:47,572
I can't believe I'm doin' this.
496
00:22:47,574 --> 00:22:49,273
This is classy!
497
00:22:49,275 --> 00:22:51,375
Somethin' we're not used to.
498
00:22:51,377 --> 00:22:52,909
God help us.
499
00:22:59,382 --> 00:23:01,482
It's cold.
500
00:23:02,751 --> 00:23:05,918
Get in, dar.
501
00:23:12,359 --> 00:23:13,825
Get away from me!
502
00:23:14,994 --> 00:23:17,761
What do you weigh, about 98 pounds wet?
503
00:23:17,763 --> 00:23:20,763
Shut up, dar.
You got a great body.
504
00:23:20,765 --> 00:23:23,332
You just cover it up all the time.
505
00:23:23,334 --> 00:23:26,034
Whatever.
506
00:23:26,036 --> 00:23:28,469
Are you happy, dar?
507
00:23:28,471 --> 00:23:31,638
I guess.
Why wouldn't I be?
508
00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:35,975
I don't know.
I mean...
509
00:23:35,977 --> 00:23:39,845
Things just don't seem right
between you two lately.
510
00:23:39,847 --> 00:23:41,646
I mean, I always believed
511
00:23:41,648 --> 00:23:44,281
you two were meant for each other, you know?
512
00:23:44,283 --> 00:23:47,316
Like...
like Burt and loni.
513
00:23:47,318 --> 00:23:50,786
Well, not like them, because
they ain't married no more.
514
00:23:50,788 --> 00:23:55,056
But... but like...
like Elvis and Priscilla.
515
00:23:56,926 --> 00:23:59,059
Well, you know what I mean.
516
00:23:59,061 --> 00:24:00,994
Is there something you know that I don't?
517
00:24:00,996 --> 00:24:02,662
No! No, no, no.
518
00:24:02,664 --> 00:24:05,564
No, dar. No.
I don't know anything.
519
00:24:07,467 --> 00:24:10,901
I just care about you guys
so much, you know?
520
00:24:10,903 --> 00:24:13,802
And especially you, dar,
because you're my best friend.
521
00:24:13,804 --> 00:24:15,436
Honey...
522
00:24:15,438 --> 00:24:19,940
And can't a friend try to help a friend?
523
00:24:19,942 --> 00:24:23,643
Yeah, but, honey, don't cry.
524
00:24:23,645 --> 00:24:25,478
Yeah, silly.
525
00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:28,881
Damn wine coolers got me all emotional.
526
00:24:35,489 --> 00:24:38,455
Dang.
That hurt like hell.
527
00:24:39,791 --> 00:24:41,524
Candy?
528
00:24:41,526 --> 00:24:44,793
Do you love Roy?
529
00:24:44,795 --> 00:24:46,628
Well...
530
00:24:48,465 --> 00:24:50,765
I... I don't think
I ever got the chance
531
00:24:50,767 --> 00:24:54,101
to fall in love with Roy.
532
00:24:54,103 --> 00:24:57,170
I guess it was more like
nature took its own course.
533
00:24:58,973 --> 00:25:01,707
Next thing I knew...
534
00:25:01,709 --> 00:25:04,875
Roy was workin' for daddy
and we was married.
535
00:25:04,877 --> 00:25:08,577
Like there wasn't any middle...
just then and now.
536
00:25:10,180 --> 00:25:11,712
Shit.
537
00:25:11,714 --> 00:25:13,580
What's wrong, mark spitz?
538
00:25:13,582 --> 00:25:15,081
You seem a little out of shape.
539
00:25:17,501 --> 00:25:19,918
Them 12-ounce curls are...
Kinda takin' their toll.
540
00:25:24,491 --> 00:25:27,892
I gotta go pee.
I'm gonna go back to the hotel.
541
00:25:27,894 --> 00:25:30,193
I gotta go pee.
Darlin'...
542
00:25:30,195 --> 00:25:32,195
Darlin'... I'm goin' back to the hotel.
543
00:25:32,197 --> 00:25:34,864
Darlin', just pee in the pool.
I do it all the time.
544
00:25:34,866 --> 00:25:38,100
Gross, Roy.
You coming, dar?
545
00:25:38,102 --> 00:25:39,935
I think I'll swim a little.
546
00:25:39,937 --> 00:25:42,771
This was a pretty good idea after all.
547
00:25:42,773 --> 00:25:44,939
See you guys up there.
548
00:25:44,941 --> 00:25:46,106
See ya.
549
00:26:00,186 --> 00:26:02,753
Feels good.
550
00:26:02,755 --> 00:26:07,757
What you doin', Roy?
551
00:26:07,759 --> 00:26:11,894
I've got you a little somethin'.
552
00:26:16,966 --> 00:26:19,499
Roy, you didn't have to.
553
00:26:19,501 --> 00:26:24,035
I know, but a lady like you
should have anything she wants.
554
00:26:27,273 --> 00:26:28,873
Gettin' to new Mexico, I was so excited.
555
00:26:30,643 --> 00:26:33,143
The grand canyon was just a day away.
556
00:26:33,145 --> 00:26:35,211
Hey, you know, what I'm lookin' forward to
557
00:26:35,213 --> 00:26:36,979
is that robosaurus smashin' them cars.
558
00:26:36,981 --> 00:26:38,547
That is gonna be somethin'.
559
00:26:38,549 --> 00:26:42,217
Robo what?
What on earth is that?
560
00:26:42,219 --> 00:26:45,186
That's a 10-story machine
that squashes things...
561
00:26:45,188 --> 00:26:47,187
basically a car dealer's nightmare.
562
00:26:47,189 --> 00:26:48,555
What a thrill.
563
00:26:50,525 --> 00:26:52,859
Armadillo.
564
00:26:52,860 --> 00:26:55,194
You'd think them son of bitches would learn
to stay out of the road, wouldn't you?
565
00:26:55,196 --> 00:26:56,528
Don't you know it.
566
00:26:56,530 --> 00:26:58,997
You ever see one alive?
567
00:26:58,999 --> 00:27:01,099
Well, I'll be damned.
97.1 degrees.
568
00:27:01,101 --> 00:27:03,267
I think I'm ovulatin'.
569
00:27:03,269 --> 00:27:05,569
97.1 is what that library book
said to look for.
570
00:27:06,572 --> 00:27:09,072
Well, maybe it's just the heat.
571
00:27:09,074 --> 00:27:10,773
97.1, Lonnie Earl.
572
00:27:10,775 --> 00:27:13,207
That's below normal temperature.
573
00:27:13,209 --> 00:27:15,075
Well, she's probably sittin'
too close to the window.
574
00:27:15,077 --> 00:27:16,209
My window's up,
575
00:27:16,211 --> 00:27:18,611
and according to this thermometer,
576
00:27:18,613 --> 00:27:21,847
farmer Roy needs to plant
his seed right now.
577
00:27:21,849 --> 00:27:23,916
Come on, baby.
Pull over.
578
00:27:23,917 --> 00:27:25,984
Candy, I... no, we ain't
stoppin' at no motel.
579
00:27:25,986 --> 00:27:29,087
Not right now. We just got back on
schedule, and I ain't gettin' off.
580
00:27:29,089 --> 00:27:31,222
Hey, who said anything about a motel?
581
00:27:36,195 --> 00:27:38,327
Course, you do realize that
my schedule's gone to hell.
582
00:27:38,329 --> 00:27:42,097
Freezin'-ass cold out here, and... and
we're waitin' on the damn carnival...
583
00:27:42,099 --> 00:27:45,600
well, honey, you're the one wanted
to go on vacation in January.
584
00:27:45,602 --> 00:27:47,234
You know what I told you about July prices.
585
00:27:47,236 --> 00:27:50,237
I can't pay that kind of money.
586
00:27:53,008 --> 00:27:55,008
Baby!
587
00:27:56,678 --> 00:27:58,711
It's like we're travelin'
588
00:27:58,713 --> 00:28:02,081
with a damn high-school biology
experiment or somethin'.
589
00:28:03,183 --> 00:28:05,183
What the hell is he doin' to her?
590
00:28:05,185 --> 00:28:06,851
Something pretty good, I'd say.
591
00:28:06,853 --> 00:28:08,319
Well, it's pissin' me off.
592
00:28:08,321 --> 00:28:10,988
Okay, that's it. I'm... I'm
gonna put a stop to this shit.
593
00:28:10,990 --> 00:28:13,991
I don't care. Good lord. You're
makin' a bigger scene than they are.
594
00:28:15,995 --> 00:28:18,295
All right.
595
00:28:18,297 --> 00:28:20,864
That'll be plenty.
W-what?
596
00:28:20,866 --> 00:28:22,632
Come on. We're leavin'.
597
00:28:24,268 --> 00:28:26,134
Mission accomplished, sir.
598
00:28:26,136 --> 00:28:28,236
There goes
the new-car smell.
599
00:28:28,238 --> 00:28:30,971
You look kinda uptight, Lonnie Earl.
600
00:28:30,973 --> 00:28:32,305
You want me to drive?
601
00:28:32,307 --> 00:28:34,206
Hell, no, I don't want you to drive.
602
00:28:34,208 --> 00:28:36,058
I'm the driver.
603
00:28:36,059 --> 00:28:37,909
Just get us a couple
of beers. I'll be fine.
604
00:28:37,911 --> 00:28:40,211
Hey, hon?
605
00:28:40,213 --> 00:28:43,214
Can you grab us a couple beers without
spillin' any of them tadpoles?
606
00:28:43,216 --> 00:28:45,382
I sure can, sugar kitten.
607
00:28:47,919 --> 00:28:49,318
Thank you.
608
00:28:55,123 --> 00:28:59,125
I'm glad we stopped here.
609
00:28:59,127 --> 00:29:00,392
You know what?
610
00:29:00,394 --> 00:29:02,227
They got a sign over that toilet
611
00:29:02,229 --> 00:29:04,963
says they got the cleanest
bathrooms along all of I-40.
612
00:29:04,965 --> 00:29:08,232
If we stay in Kingman tonight,
we'll be back on my schedule.
613
00:29:08,234 --> 00:29:10,234
But we were gonna stop at
the grand canyon tonight
614
00:29:10,236 --> 00:29:12,236
and get up and look at it tomorrow.
615
00:29:12,238 --> 00:29:14,738
But we can't do that now because,
see, our travelin' sex show here
616
00:29:14,740 --> 00:29:16,372
has put us behind schedule.
617
00:29:16,374 --> 00:29:18,240
Then why did we stop here?
618
00:29:18,242 --> 00:29:20,174
Because we had to eat, honey,
619
00:29:20,176 --> 00:29:22,109
and this fits in, okay?
620
00:29:22,111 --> 00:29:25,278
Besides that, the grand canyon's
just a big ol' hole in the ground.
621
00:29:25,280 --> 00:29:28,681
You can look out the window and
see a big hole in the ground.
622
00:29:28,683 --> 00:29:30,182
That ain't the same.
623
00:29:30,184 --> 00:29:33,084
I think it'd be nice to see it.
624
00:29:33,086 --> 00:29:35,686
You know, I wouldn't mind ridin' one
of them jackasses down in that sucker.
625
00:29:35,688 --> 00:29:37,320
That'd... Be...
626
00:29:37,322 --> 00:29:39,655
Damn it, that's the one thing
627
00:29:39,657 --> 00:29:41,289
I wanted to do on this trip.
628
00:29:41,291 --> 00:29:44,292
I told you I wanted to see it
since second grade
629
00:29:44,294 --> 00:29:46,126
when Mrs. beechner told us
about it.
630
00:29:46,128 --> 00:29:48,761
She said everyone thought
God rested on the seventh day,
631
00:29:48,763 --> 00:29:50,696
but really he was workin' on his hobby,
632
00:29:50,698 --> 00:29:52,197
carvin' the grand canyon.
633
00:29:52,199 --> 00:29:53,164
Well, that's sweet,
634
00:29:53,166 --> 00:29:54,865
but, if you remember,
635
00:29:54,867 --> 00:29:57,701
Mrs. beechner also kept
her shit in a shoebox.
636
00:29:57,703 --> 00:30:00,103
Remember that?
637
00:30:00,105 --> 00:30:02,972
So I don't know if that's the greatest
authority in the world, you know?
638
00:30:02,974 --> 00:30:04,372
Let's go.
639
00:30:23,389 --> 00:30:26,823
Good God. That girl's gonna
wake the dead in there.
640
00:30:29,327 --> 00:30:31,828
If this shit's gonna happen every time
she reaches a certain temperature,
641
00:30:31,830 --> 00:30:33,396
I'm gonna get madder than a wet hen.
642
00:30:33,398 --> 00:30:36,298
Why does it bother you so much?
It's for a good cause.
643
00:30:36,300 --> 00:30:38,732
It's just that they take so damn long.
644
00:30:38,734 --> 00:30:40,834
And they don't even think about us.
645
00:30:40,836 --> 00:30:42,869
The least he could do is
tiger-fuck her.
646
00:30:42,871 --> 00:30:45,204
You know I don't like that talk.
647
00:30:45,206 --> 00:30:48,473
Just get up behind her and bite her on
the neck, in and out, and it's done.
648
00:30:48,475 --> 00:30:51,342
Shit.
How romantic.
649
00:30:51,344 --> 00:30:54,745
What would you know about romance?
650
00:31:01,052 --> 00:31:04,185
I'm sorry, honey.
I-I'm just...
651
00:31:04,187 --> 00:31:07,488
Well, look, face it...
when's the last time we did it?
652
00:31:07,490 --> 00:31:10,757
That's not romance.
653
00:31:12,727 --> 00:31:14,359
If that's all you care about,
654
00:31:14,361 --> 00:31:18,262
then just go ahead and
do it with someone else.
655
00:31:23,302 --> 00:31:26,169
Is this about the grand canyon?
656
00:31:26,171 --> 00:31:29,304
No, it's not.
Good grief.
657
00:31:29,306 --> 00:31:32,307
Well, then what's it about?
658
00:31:32,309 --> 00:31:34,008
Why don't you talk to me?
659
00:31:34,010 --> 00:31:36,910
I'm your husband.
You can talk to me.
660
00:31:42,150 --> 00:31:47,252
Honey, listen, this is hard on me, too.
661
00:31:47,254 --> 00:31:49,954
Honey, for the last couple of years,
662
00:31:49,956 --> 00:31:52,256
every time I try something with you,
663
00:31:52,258 --> 00:31:56,225
you got some damn excuse.
664
00:31:56,227 --> 00:31:59,895
You don't know how it feels.
665
00:31:59,897 --> 00:32:03,431
And besides that, I'm about to explode.
666
00:32:03,433 --> 00:32:06,066
I am.
667
00:32:09,805 --> 00:32:12,839
Tell the truth...
is it me?
668
00:32:16,911 --> 00:32:20,811
No. It's me.
669
00:32:24,283 --> 00:32:27,284
Well, what are we gonna do about that?
670
00:32:27,286 --> 00:32:29,119
Well, I said...
671
00:32:29,121 --> 00:32:31,554
maybe we could see that woman
in little rock.
672
00:32:31,556 --> 00:32:33,956
I ain't goin' to no
shrink-bitch Dr. Ruth woman
673
00:32:33,958 --> 00:32:35,991
that's gonna make us sit there
674
00:32:35,992 --> 00:32:38,025
and charge me an arm and a leg
and a nut to say the shit
675
00:32:38,028 --> 00:32:40,161
that we can say to each other
right here and now.
676
00:32:40,163 --> 00:32:43,164
But she might not let you say
somethin' like you just said.
677
00:32:43,166 --> 00:32:46,166
What did I say?
678
00:32:46,168 --> 00:32:48,034
Well, if you can't hear yourself,
679
00:32:48,036 --> 00:32:50,936
then how are you gonna hear me?
680
00:33:02,582 --> 00:33:05,215
This dang bed sags in the middle.
681
00:33:05,217 --> 00:33:07,817
We're all gonna be windin'
up layin' in a puddle.
682
00:33:07,819 --> 00:33:11,252
It sure as hell ain't no
serta perfect sleeper.
683
00:33:11,254 --> 00:33:15,222
Would y'all quit bitchin'?
The bed's fine.
684
00:33:15,224 --> 00:33:17,190
Good night, John boy.
685
00:33:17,192 --> 00:33:18,357
Kiss my ass.
686
00:33:21,194 --> 00:33:22,359
My God.
687
00:33:22,361 --> 00:33:24,361
That's awful!
688
00:33:24,363 --> 00:33:29,231
Roy!
That's disgusting!
689
00:33:31,068 --> 00:33:32,901
Smell it and weep!
690
00:34:06,128 --> 00:34:08,695
"Turnin'"?
Or is it "yearnin'"?
691
00:34:10,465 --> 00:34:12,364
Teachers.
692
00:34:13,533 --> 00:34:16,367
Yeah!
693
00:34:17,703 --> 00:34:19,402
Keep on lovin'!
694
00:34:21,406 --> 00:34:22,371
Yeah.
All right.
695
00:34:22,373 --> 00:34:24,239
Now, that's songwriting.
696
00:34:25,542 --> 00:34:26,707
Keep on believin'.
697
00:34:33,046 --> 00:34:34,512
Keep on sleepin'.
698
00:34:40,185 --> 00:34:42,418
It won't be?
It won't be too long.
699
00:35:29,456 --> 00:35:30,721
My God.
700
00:35:33,125 --> 00:35:35,592
Tony Orlando's here!
701
00:35:37,095 --> 00:35:39,562
Tony Orlando's here!
We gotta go to see him!
702
00:35:39,564 --> 00:35:42,431
Do you reckon he split up with dawn?
703
00:35:42,433 --> 00:35:44,466
Well, hon, we'll have to see if we got time.
704
00:35:44,468 --> 00:35:45,632
I mean, you know...
705
00:35:45,634 --> 00:35:47,133
We gotta make time.
706
00:35:47,135 --> 00:35:48,267
I said we'd see.
707
00:35:48,269 --> 00:35:53,304
I never stayed overnight
in a city this big before.
708
00:35:54,707 --> 00:35:57,374
I'd sure hate to get lost here.
709
00:35:57,376 --> 00:35:59,743
Now, don't get all nerved up, honey.
710
00:35:59,745 --> 00:36:02,278
We're gonna have a good time.
711
00:36:02,280 --> 00:36:04,747
It's just like back home.
There's just a lot more of it.
712
00:36:24,600 --> 00:36:27,300
I'll be dogged.
713
00:36:27,302 --> 00:36:28,601
This is the shamrock suite.
714
00:36:28,603 --> 00:36:29,768
See that?
715
00:36:31,605 --> 00:36:33,338
Honey!
716
00:36:33,340 --> 00:36:36,306
I knew this would be the perfect
place to get remarried!
717
00:36:36,308 --> 00:36:37,674
Roy, I knew it, baby!
718
00:36:37,676 --> 00:36:40,209
I'll carry you over the threshold, baby.
719
00:36:41,812 --> 00:36:44,646
Both bedrooms have
their own private entrance.
720
00:36:44,648 --> 00:36:47,849
Look at that tub!
That's like a swimmin' pool!
721
00:36:47,851 --> 00:36:49,750
My God!
722
00:36:49,752 --> 00:36:51,818
Roy, it's like we're here, baby!
723
00:36:51,820 --> 00:36:53,352
We're actually here!
724
00:36:53,354 --> 00:36:57,356
This is romantic.
Look at that.
725
00:36:57,358 --> 00:37:00,292
This door leads to the adjoining bedroom.
726
00:37:00,294 --> 00:37:03,360
My God!
We're neighbors!
727
00:37:03,362 --> 00:37:06,363
Candy, you gotta see this view.
728
00:37:06,365 --> 00:37:07,831
Wow!
729
00:37:07,833 --> 00:37:10,099
We have the same over there!
730
00:37:10,101 --> 00:37:11,100
Okay!
731
00:37:11,102 --> 00:37:12,234
Take a picture of me.
732
00:37:12,236 --> 00:37:14,002
Lay like a supermodel, okay?
733
00:37:14,003 --> 00:37:15,769
I don't look like Cindy Crawford.
734
00:37:15,772 --> 00:37:17,304
I could take some pictures.
735
00:37:17,306 --> 00:37:18,722
That's okay.
736
00:37:18,723 --> 00:37:20,139
Give me some pouty lips.
Hey, y'all.
737
00:37:20,142 --> 00:37:21,608
Y'all, check it out.
Check it out.
738
00:37:21,610 --> 00:37:23,276
Hugh Hefner, international playboy.
739
00:37:24,779 --> 00:37:26,279
Show me your ta-tas
in cloth of Terry.
740
00:37:26,281 --> 00:37:28,280
Hey, do we get to keep these things?
741
00:37:28,282 --> 00:37:30,248
I've been known to look the other way.
742
00:37:30,250 --> 00:37:31,582
All right!
743
00:37:33,118 --> 00:37:35,251
Lonnie Earl...
Thank you, man.
744
00:37:35,253 --> 00:37:37,119
My God!
It's Shania twain!
745
00:37:37,121 --> 00:37:38,253
How cool is that?
746
00:37:38,255 --> 00:37:40,255
She's so goddamn hot!
747
00:37:46,730 --> 00:37:48,663
Goddamn champagne.
748
00:37:56,337 --> 00:37:58,437
Hey, y'all. They got
24-hour room service.
749
00:37:58,439 --> 00:38:00,839
You mean you can get anything
you want anytime you want?
750
00:38:00,841 --> 00:38:03,441
Yes, sir.
Anytime you want. Just dial 49.
751
00:38:03,443 --> 00:38:04,909
Darlene, who am I?
752
00:38:07,179 --> 00:38:10,313
I guess you, won't need any pabst.
753
00:38:10,315 --> 00:38:13,282
No. That'll last me
about an hour and a half.
754
00:38:18,155 --> 00:38:20,454
Here's your curtain remote and your key.
755
00:38:20,456 --> 00:38:21,855
All righty.
Thank you.
756
00:38:21,857 --> 00:38:23,673
All right.
757
00:38:23,674 --> 00:38:25,490
If there's nothing else, I'll be going.
758
00:38:25,493 --> 00:38:29,328
Of course, the, chocolates are free.
759
00:38:29,330 --> 00:38:30,896
Ching, ching.
760
00:38:30,898 --> 00:38:33,132
I'm gonna go, then.
Okay.
761
00:38:33,133 --> 00:38:35,367
Listen, while I got you here, I
just want to ask you one question.
762
00:38:35,369 --> 00:38:38,636
I understand that the hookers in
Nevada are free. Is that right?
763
00:38:38,638 --> 00:38:40,204
Legal.
764
00:38:40,206 --> 00:38:42,272
Not free?
No.
765
00:38:42,274 --> 00:38:44,407
Okay.
All right.
766
00:38:44,409 --> 00:38:46,841
Like I said, I'm on my way out.
767
00:38:46,843 --> 00:38:49,610
Got the luggage, right?
Unpacked it.
768
00:38:49,612 --> 00:38:51,578
Got the explanation of the menu.
769
00:38:51,580 --> 00:38:54,447
That's it. Okay.
I'm gonna go.
770
00:38:54,449 --> 00:38:56,315
I'll be at the bell captain's station
771
00:38:56,317 --> 00:38:57,816
if you need anything else.
772
00:38:57,818 --> 00:39:01,419
Okay. I get ya.
You want your dollar.
773
00:39:01,421 --> 00:39:02,420
Here.
774
00:39:02,422 --> 00:39:03,721
Here you go.
775
00:39:03,723 --> 00:39:05,656
Wow. Okay.
776
00:39:06,825 --> 00:39:08,424
Straight to the casino.
777
00:39:08,426 --> 00:39:10,358
Shake it, Darlene!
Unless you wanted change.
778
00:39:19,367 --> 00:39:21,700
If I get to go to Tony Orlando,
779
00:39:21,702 --> 00:39:23,535
should I wear my hair up or down?
780
00:39:23,537 --> 00:39:26,437
Let me see.
781
00:39:27,740 --> 00:39:29,372
You know what?
What?
782
00:39:29,374 --> 00:39:31,374
You know, what I think would be great
783
00:39:31,376 --> 00:39:34,543
is if you put it
like this. Yeah.
784
00:39:34,545 --> 00:39:36,377
Get over here, you son of a bitch.
785
00:39:36,379 --> 00:39:37,544
Jesus h. Christ.
786
00:39:38,847 --> 00:39:41,514
What is it with you
and Tony Orlando, anyway?
787
00:39:41,516 --> 00:39:44,383
He's always been like my guardian angel.
788
00:39:45,869 --> 00:39:47,352
You see, when I was in fifth grade,
789
00:39:47,354 --> 00:39:48,986
I caught Jeff Martin cheatin' on me,
790
00:39:48,988 --> 00:39:50,721
and my mama knew I was depressed,
791
00:39:50,723 --> 00:39:53,523
so she let me spend the night
at deanna Stewart's house
792
00:39:53,525 --> 00:39:55,625
to watch the Jerry Lewis telethon.
793
00:39:55,627 --> 00:39:59,428
Anyway, they were up to
about $8 million in donations
794
00:39:59,430 --> 00:40:03,364
when out walked this dark,
handsome man with a mustache
795
00:40:03,366 --> 00:40:07,401
and a smile that could
light up all of branson.
796
00:40:07,403 --> 00:40:10,370
And I... I just knew
he was somethin' special.
797
00:40:11,773 --> 00:40:13,405
Shit!
798
00:40:13,407 --> 00:40:16,341
I had something like that
for Chuck woolery one time.
799
00:40:16,343 --> 00:40:20,511
Anyway, when he sang...
800
00:40:25,684 --> 00:40:29,518
it was like he was singin' it right to me,
801
00:40:29,520 --> 00:40:33,822
like he knew... I needed
to hear it right then.
802
00:40:35,392 --> 00:40:38,426
And he's had a special place
in my heart ever since.
803
00:40:38,428 --> 00:40:41,629
That's so sweet.
804
00:40:44,833 --> 00:40:46,366
Okay, I've had enough.
805
00:40:46,368 --> 00:40:47,834
You know what I think we need?
806
00:40:47,836 --> 00:40:50,336
What?
Some serious pink lips.
807
00:40:52,340 --> 00:40:54,099
I'm gonna go and get my pink lipstick, okay?
808
00:40:55,675 --> 00:40:57,775
You okay?
809
00:40:59,812 --> 00:41:03,713
Y-yeah, I think I'm fine.
810
00:41:03,715 --> 00:41:05,981
I-I just... I got up
too quick, maybe.
811
00:41:05,983 --> 00:41:07,882
Well, I'll get it.
812
00:41:11,287 --> 00:41:12,919
You sure you're feelin' okay, hon?
813
00:41:12,921 --> 00:41:15,721
'Cause you are lookin' a little peakin'.
814
00:41:15,723 --> 00:41:17,322
I'm gonna be fine.
815
00:41:17,324 --> 00:41:19,556
I'm just gonna sit in here for a little bit.
816
00:41:20,725 --> 00:41:22,424
Can I do somethin'?
817
00:41:22,426 --> 00:41:24,325
No. I probably just drank
too much.
818
00:41:24,327 --> 00:41:26,727
You go on down.
I'll meet up with you later.
819
00:41:26,729 --> 00:41:28,361
Well...
820
00:41:28,363 --> 00:41:30,429
Hey, let's shit or get off the pot, guys.
821
00:41:30,431 --> 00:41:31,830
I thought we was goin' downstairs.
822
00:41:31,832 --> 00:41:33,364
What's the deal here?
823
00:41:33,366 --> 00:41:35,499
Y'all go on.
We'll catch up with you later.
824
00:41:35,501 --> 00:41:38,168
You know what we ought to do, baby?
825
00:41:38,169 --> 00:41:40,836
After while, you and me take one of
them bubble baths. What do you say?
826
00:41:40,839 --> 00:41:42,839
Well, you know better than that.
827
00:41:42,841 --> 00:41:45,674
I don't take bubble baths.
828
00:41:45,676 --> 00:41:49,377
Of course you don't.
I forgot.
829
00:41:49,379 --> 00:41:52,713
Well, you know, that tub is
big enough for all of us.
830
00:41:52,715 --> 00:41:55,199
Great, Roy.
831
00:41:55,200 --> 00:41:57,684
Just jump on the bandwagon,
you dumb-ass.
832
00:41:57,686 --> 00:42:02,088
Yeah, I am dumb.
833
00:42:02,090 --> 00:42:06,325
You guys definitely make me
clear of that on a daily basis.
834
00:42:06,327 --> 00:42:08,094
Dumb, dumb-ass, dumb shit,
835
00:42:08,096 --> 00:42:10,762
dipshit, shithead, shit hole,
shit-for-brains...
836
00:42:10,764 --> 00:42:12,530
Dildo.
Dildo.
837
00:42:12,532 --> 00:42:15,533
You know, would it be possible to have a...
838
00:42:15,535 --> 00:42:17,635
A "let's not pick on Roy" day?
839
00:42:21,740 --> 00:42:24,440
Let's go downstairs.
840
00:42:24,442 --> 00:42:27,943
Okay.
I'm... I'm sorry.
841
00:42:37,486 --> 00:42:39,219
Darlene?
842
00:42:39,221 --> 00:42:42,055
What do you mean,
you don't take bubble baths?
843
00:42:42,057 --> 00:42:43,723
Gives my pooter an infection
844
00:42:43,725 --> 00:42:46,025
that stings worse than a swarm of bees.
845
00:42:50,230 --> 00:42:52,230
Honey, I wasn't born yesterday.
I know something's wrong.
846
00:42:52,233 --> 00:42:54,132
And you can talk to me.
You know that.
847
00:42:54,134 --> 00:42:55,733
Now, don't start that again.
848
00:42:55,735 --> 00:42:58,202
Darlene, I'm your best friend.
I know.
849
00:42:58,204 --> 00:43:01,072
Just drop it.
850
00:43:01,073 --> 00:43:03,940
I know you mean well, hon,
but just... Stop.
851
00:43:08,946 --> 00:43:10,946
Okay.
852
00:43:24,525 --> 00:43:26,157
I don't know about this.
853
00:43:26,159 --> 00:43:29,559
These things look a little bit
too much like a sinus infection.
854
00:43:31,162 --> 00:43:34,163
I... I tell you what.
855
00:43:34,165 --> 00:43:38,500
They say they are
one hell of an aphrodiliac.
856
00:43:40,937 --> 00:43:43,604
Aphrodisiac.
857
00:43:43,606 --> 00:43:47,140
Y...
Dear.
858
00:43:47,142 --> 00:43:49,976
Thank you, ma'am.
859
00:43:49,978 --> 00:43:52,844
Actually, they're, mother nature's Viagra.
860
00:43:55,515 --> 00:43:57,848
Roy, don't be such a damn idgit, okay?
861
00:43:57,850 --> 00:43:59,149
You made us look stupid.
862
00:43:59,151 --> 00:44:01,217
Everybody knows what that word is.
863
00:44:08,158 --> 00:44:09,624
Ain't bad.
864
00:44:09,626 --> 00:44:12,126
Hey, bud, can we get a couple of pabsts?
865
00:44:13,295 --> 00:44:14,994
Slippery.
866
00:44:17,531 --> 00:44:19,229
And bring him a shot, too, would you?
867
00:44:19,231 --> 00:44:20,730
Some kind of whiskey.
868
00:44:20,732 --> 00:44:22,164
Well, you need you a shot.
869
00:44:22,166 --> 00:44:24,833
I had 140 beers.
870
00:44:24,835 --> 00:44:29,870
But... I do have too much
blood in my alcohol content.
871
00:44:29,872 --> 00:44:31,171
See there?
872
00:44:31,173 --> 00:44:33,540
Just tryin' to help you cut the...
873
00:44:33,542 --> 00:44:35,174
whatever those things are.
874
00:44:38,179 --> 00:44:40,913
God knows I don't need any of 'em.
875
00:44:43,284 --> 00:44:44,982
You mean you and dar?
876
00:44:47,118 --> 00:44:49,251
I think it's just a phase
you guys are going through.
877
00:44:49,254 --> 00:44:51,754
It's more than a phase.
It's way past a phase.
878
00:44:51,756 --> 00:44:54,022
It's a lot more serious
than you might think.
879
00:44:54,024 --> 00:44:56,824
You know, you're always gonna be together.
880
00:44:56,826 --> 00:44:58,592
Y-you've always
worked it out.
881
00:44:58,594 --> 00:45:01,195
You will now.
882
00:45:01,196 --> 00:45:03,797
Well, I've given that a lot of thought
lately, to tell you the truth.
883
00:45:03,799 --> 00:45:06,266
I mean, not that that's
what I want, you know?
884
00:45:06,268 --> 00:45:09,102
But she just don't get it.
I don't know.
885
00:45:09,104 --> 00:45:11,870
A man's got needs, you know?
886
00:45:11,872 --> 00:45:13,171
Well, everybody's got needs.
887
00:45:13,173 --> 00:45:15,039
Well, you know, don't be goin' out
888
00:45:15,041 --> 00:45:17,274
thinkin' about gettin' no nooky on the side.
889
00:45:18,610 --> 00:45:20,743
Well, who said I was thinkin' about that?
890
00:45:20,745 --> 00:45:22,244
Darlene's a great lady, you know?
891
00:45:22,246 --> 00:45:24,045
You don't need to be doin' that.
892
00:45:24,047 --> 00:45:26,714
I wouldn't ever do that.
893
00:45:26,716 --> 00:45:28,215
I just got a tingle.
894
00:45:28,217 --> 00:45:30,917
I'm gonna go get me
some more of these suckers.
895
00:45:30,919 --> 00:45:34,287
I'm havin' a hard time keepin' up
with candy, you know what I'm sayin'?
896
00:45:34,289 --> 00:45:35,288
I'll be back.
897
00:45:36,957 --> 00:45:39,157
Look! It's one
of them theme weddings!
898
00:45:39,159 --> 00:45:41,259
Ain't that sweet, Darlene?
899
00:45:42,262 --> 00:45:44,262
That's it!
900
00:45:44,264 --> 00:45:47,031
That's what Roy and I need.
901
00:45:47,033 --> 00:45:48,032
What?
902
00:45:48,034 --> 00:45:49,767
A theme wedding.
903
00:45:49,769 --> 00:45:51,235
I'd be Dorothy.
904
00:45:51,237 --> 00:45:54,238
And... and... and...
and he could be that tin guy.
905
00:45:54,240 --> 00:45:56,106
And... and...
906
00:45:56,108 --> 00:45:59,943
and we could have...
Midgets for bridesmaids.
907
00:45:59,945 --> 00:46:02,611
Well, why would you dress up
like that for a wedding?
908
00:46:02,613 --> 00:46:05,313
'Cause it's romantic.
909
00:46:12,321 --> 00:46:14,154
Well, let's see.
910
00:46:25,700 --> 00:46:27,298
Come down here, didn't I?
911
00:46:28,901 --> 00:46:30,901
I said I come down here, didn't I?
912
00:46:30,903 --> 00:46:33,937
Yes, you did.
Yeah.
913
00:46:33,939 --> 00:46:37,140
Now... You might have to
twist my arm,
914
00:46:37,142 --> 00:46:40,877
but... I'll go up
to your room with you.
915
00:46:42,881 --> 00:46:44,847
I don't think you could handle me.
916
00:46:44,849 --> 00:46:46,849
Honey, I could handle it.
917
00:46:46,851 --> 00:46:48,283
There's no doubt about it.
918
00:46:48,285 --> 00:46:49,984
Well...
919
00:46:49,986 --> 00:46:52,285
I don't think you could afford it.
920
00:46:52,287 --> 00:46:53,986
What the hell does that mean?
921
00:46:53,988 --> 00:46:58,023
It means I see your type come
through here all the time...
922
00:46:58,025 --> 00:47:00,158
all blow and no dough.
923
00:47:00,160 --> 00:47:01,893
Is that a fact?
924
00:47:03,963 --> 00:47:05,862
Let me show you somethin', honey.
925
00:47:08,333 --> 00:47:09,298
See that?
926
00:47:09,300 --> 00:47:11,300
You know what that is, baby?
927
00:47:11,302 --> 00:47:14,002
A shoe.
928
00:47:14,004 --> 00:47:16,304
Well, hell yeah, it is.
929
00:47:16,306 --> 00:47:19,005
It's also two months' rent.
930
00:47:21,175 --> 00:47:22,240
Well...
931
00:47:26,346 --> 00:47:29,347
You see there?
932
00:47:33,219 --> 00:47:36,220
Rent must be very cheap.
933
00:47:42,927 --> 00:47:46,227
Now, that was a really shitty
thing to say to somebody.
934
00:47:52,967 --> 00:47:54,433
Okay, everybody, we're back.
935
00:47:56,970 --> 00:47:58,803
She can kiss my ass.
936
00:48:00,339 --> 00:48:04,707
Come over here and just
take over the damn country.
937
00:48:04,709 --> 00:48:05,874
Why not?
938
00:48:07,210 --> 00:48:09,043
Well, fuck her.
939
00:48:09,045 --> 00:48:11,044
She was a lesbian anyway.
I could tell.
940
00:48:11,046 --> 00:48:13,046
She ain't no lesbian.
She's too pretty.
941
00:48:13,048 --> 00:48:14,981
Son, there's all kinds of lesbians...
942
00:48:14,983 --> 00:48:17,750
pretty ones and ugly ones...
there's all kinds, you know?
943
00:48:17,752 --> 00:48:19,885
She had lesbian energy.
That's all I know.
944
00:48:19,887 --> 00:48:22,254
Well, I'm a lesbian in a man's body.
945
00:48:22,256 --> 00:48:25,757
I'll tell you what got it all started was
that damn Gloria steinem, you know it?
946
00:48:25,759 --> 00:48:27,959
When she started
that women's-lib crap?
947
00:48:27,961 --> 00:48:32,296
It was her and Helen reddy and that tennis
player that beat Bobby riggs that time.
948
00:48:32,298 --> 00:48:34,298
Let's don't forget Helen gurley brown.
949
00:48:34,300 --> 00:48:36,783
You know what they do, don't you?
950
00:48:36,784 --> 00:48:39,268
They sit around the house all day
readin' them girlie magazines
951
00:48:39,270 --> 00:48:42,838
like "woman's day" and
"redbook" and all that mess.
952
00:48:42,840 --> 00:48:44,206
And TV.
Hell, yeah.
953
00:48:44,208 --> 00:48:47,209
Start cryin' with Oprah all damn afternoon.
954
00:48:47,211 --> 00:48:51,246
Then by the time you get home from work,
shit, they'd rather fight than fuck.
955
00:48:54,217 --> 00:48:57,084
Well, I guess, you know,
I'm a pretty lucky man,
956
00:48:57,086 --> 00:49:00,187
because candy has always had
a very healthy appetite
957
00:49:00,189 --> 00:49:01,754
for old Gunther here.
958
00:49:01,756 --> 00:49:03,222
You know, I kinda...
959
00:49:03,224 --> 00:49:06,158
I wonder sometimes
she ain't borderline nympho.
960
00:49:06,160 --> 00:49:08,193
But she ain't always
961
00:49:08,194 --> 00:49:10,227
as... Wild and stuff
as she's been lately.
962
00:49:10,230 --> 00:49:13,264
I mean, she don't always scream
and holler like that, does she?
963
00:49:13,266 --> 00:49:14,632
She sure does.
964
00:49:14,633 --> 00:49:15,999
No, she don't.
Yes, she does.
965
00:49:16,002 --> 00:49:19,169
No, she don't.
I mean... You're kiddin' me.
966
00:49:19,171 --> 00:49:21,037
No, she don't, does she?
967
00:49:21,039 --> 00:49:24,540
You know, sometimes it can be
downright embarrassin'.
968
00:49:24,542 --> 00:49:28,242
And other times it can make you feel
like you're studly do-right, you know?
969
00:49:28,244 --> 00:49:30,911
You're the man.
Know what I'm sayin'?
970
00:49:32,080 --> 00:49:33,879
I got to pee.
I'll be back.
971
00:49:39,219 --> 00:49:41,319
Shit.
972
00:49:41,321 --> 00:49:44,789
"Psychic card reading...
973
00:49:44,791 --> 00:49:46,257
Madam zora."
974
00:49:46,259 --> 00:49:48,993
Come on. Let's go see
what the future says!
975
00:49:48,995 --> 00:49:50,160
No!
Come on!
976
00:49:50,162 --> 00:49:51,927
It's kind of scary.
I don't like it.
977
00:49:51,929 --> 00:49:53,862
Come on!
978
00:49:53,864 --> 00:49:56,331
This is very telling.
979
00:49:56,333 --> 00:50:00,301
See, the queen depicts a strong
slant to your feminine side.
980
00:50:02,305 --> 00:50:04,171
Feminine side.
981
00:50:04,173 --> 00:50:07,073
Could you be expecting?
982
00:50:10,178 --> 00:50:13,345
I-I'm gonna
take all of these.
983
00:50:13,347 --> 00:50:15,814
I'm not takin' any chances tonight.
984
00:50:18,016 --> 00:50:20,217
Hell, you know what? Give me
three of them butterfingers.
985
00:50:20,219 --> 00:50:23,520
So, are you excited?
986
00:50:23,522 --> 00:50:24,921
About what?
987
00:50:24,923 --> 00:50:26,289
The pregnancy test.
988
00:50:26,291 --> 00:50:28,842
I don't know.
989
00:50:28,843 --> 00:50:31,394
I... I just don't understand
why she thinks she is now.
990
00:50:31,396 --> 00:50:35,097
She ain't even missed her...
Thing or nothin'.
991
00:50:35,099 --> 00:50:38,233
Well, I'm gonna let you in
on a little female secret.
992
00:50:38,235 --> 00:50:41,302
Sometimes you just know, even
before you miss your thing.
993
00:50:41,304 --> 00:50:45,238
You know, I'm not buyin' all
that, screamin' and moanin'
994
00:50:45,240 --> 00:50:48,007
and shit you've been doin',
just so you know.
995
00:50:48,009 --> 00:50:50,142
What the hell are you talkin' about?
996
00:50:50,144 --> 00:50:53,211
Don't bullshit me, candy. You
know what I'm talkin' about.
997
00:50:53,213 --> 00:50:55,246
You're still mad about our little fling.
998
00:50:55,248 --> 00:50:58,115
You're doin' all that shit
for my benefit. I get it.
999
00:50:58,117 --> 00:51:00,117
Doin' what?
1000
00:51:00,119 --> 00:51:04,020
Screamin' like a stuck hog with
your husband when y'all do it.
1001
00:51:04,022 --> 00:51:08,324
But it ain't workin'.
It's a bad acting job.
1002
00:51:08,326 --> 00:51:12,093
Who's actin'?
1003
00:51:12,095 --> 00:51:16,597
Well... All I know is
1004
00:51:16,599 --> 00:51:20,233
that you don't make all that
racket when you and me do it.
1005
00:51:20,235 --> 00:51:24,303
Well, you figure that out, Sherlock.
1006
00:51:35,380 --> 00:51:37,647
So?
1007
00:51:37,648 --> 00:51:39,915
Well, I peed in a cup,
on a stick, on my hand.
1008
00:51:39,917 --> 00:51:42,650
I got lines and crosses and...
1009
00:51:45,321 --> 00:51:48,054
They all say the same thing.
1010
00:51:49,924 --> 00:51:51,924
Yes.
1011
00:51:51,926 --> 00:51:52,925
Yeah?
1012
00:51:52,927 --> 00:51:55,594
Candy.
1013
00:51:55,596 --> 00:51:57,128
No. Baby...
1014
00:51:57,130 --> 00:51:59,296
D-did you hear?
We... Yeah?
1015
00:52:01,065 --> 00:52:03,432
Can you hold that?
1016
00:52:03,434 --> 00:52:05,300
You mean we're gonna have a baby?!
1017
00:52:05,302 --> 00:52:07,135
Baby doll!
1018
00:52:07,137 --> 00:52:09,604
I love you!
1019
00:52:11,274 --> 00:52:12,674
You happy?
1020
00:52:12,676 --> 00:52:14,208
Yeah. You?
1021
00:52:14,210 --> 00:52:17,044
You sure?
1022
00:52:17,046 --> 00:52:18,345
I love you.
1023
00:52:18,347 --> 00:52:20,513
I love you, baby.
I love you.
1024
00:52:20,515 --> 00:52:22,381
I love you so much.
1025
00:52:41,097 --> 00:52:42,262
Beer.
1026
00:52:42,264 --> 00:52:43,329
Beer.
1027
00:52:48,034 --> 00:52:49,500
Beer.
Light beer.
1028
00:52:53,371 --> 00:52:56,305
My God! I won!
1029
00:53:05,381 --> 00:53:08,382
Again! I got 21!
1030
00:53:25,832 --> 00:53:28,332
My God! It's alive!
1031
00:53:28,334 --> 00:53:30,834
Where'd it go?
It's gone.
1032
00:53:30,836 --> 00:53:34,070
Where'd it go?
Why is it flat?
1033
00:53:34,072 --> 00:53:35,704
You think I can hear him?
1034
00:53:35,706 --> 00:53:37,238
I think maybe you could.
1035
00:53:38,708 --> 00:53:40,741
Little sucker kicks like a mule.
1036
00:53:43,811 --> 00:53:46,545
Hey, honey?
1037
00:53:47,648 --> 00:53:50,715
Could you come sit by me for a minute?
1038
00:53:50,717 --> 00:53:53,484
Sure.
1039
00:53:59,390 --> 00:54:01,823
All right.
Here's the deal.
1040
00:54:01,825 --> 00:54:06,127
I... I did
pretty good tonight.
1041
00:54:06,129 --> 00:54:07,395
You know, gamblin'?
1042
00:54:07,396 --> 00:54:08,661
Won a little extra money,
that kind of thing.
1043
00:54:08,663 --> 00:54:09,862
That's nice?
1044
00:54:11,465 --> 00:54:14,466
And, well, I'd...
1045
00:54:14,468 --> 00:54:17,802
I-I got this deal that,
maybe it's not...
1046
00:54:17,804 --> 00:54:19,737
I don't know if it's down your alley or not.
1047
00:54:19,739 --> 00:54:23,440
It's just, a little somethin' I got and...
1048
00:54:23,442 --> 00:54:26,609
anyhow, well, there.
1049
00:54:26,611 --> 00:54:28,310
That's for you and everything.
1050
00:54:30,681 --> 00:54:33,381
I hope you like it.
I don't know.
1051
00:54:33,383 --> 00:54:36,216
I'm not real good at pickin' shit out.
You know that.
1052
00:54:36,218 --> 00:54:38,718
Just, you know, girl kind of thing.
1053
00:54:43,690 --> 00:54:46,123
You like it?
1054
00:54:46,125 --> 00:54:48,658
Lonnie Earl...
1055
00:54:48,660 --> 00:54:51,560
A bracelet.
1056
00:54:51,562 --> 00:54:53,762
It's beautiful.
1057
00:54:56,266 --> 00:55:00,333
It's not as beautiful as you are.
1058
00:55:42,775 --> 00:55:45,809
Close the door.
1059
00:55:45,811 --> 00:55:47,844
Yeah.
1060
00:55:49,781 --> 00:55:52,781
I'll be right back.
Don't move.
1061
00:56:00,856 --> 00:56:03,690
Well, look at you two lovebirds.
1062
00:56:03,692 --> 00:56:05,491
Did y'all hear that earthquake last night?
1063
00:56:05,493 --> 00:56:06,859
Stop.
1064
00:56:09,864 --> 00:56:12,531
You want some coffee, hon?
1065
00:56:12,533 --> 00:56:14,799
You sure there's no way they could be wrong?
1066
00:56:14,801 --> 00:56:17,834
Hey, son, you better get in here.
Your eggs are gonna get crusty.
1067
00:56:17,836 --> 00:56:20,203
How's it...
how's it possible?
1068
00:56:20,205 --> 00:56:22,672
I can't find any midgets.
1069
00:56:22,674 --> 00:56:26,709
Well, you might try under
"I" for "little people."
1070
00:56:26,711 --> 00:56:29,578
Yeah, okay.
1071
00:56:29,580 --> 00:56:31,246
Honey, hurry up.
1072
00:56:31,248 --> 00:56:32,814
I gotta see if we can book that chapel.
1073
00:56:32,816 --> 00:56:36,317
Okay. Bye.
1074
00:56:36,319 --> 00:56:38,519
I swear to God,
1075
00:56:38,520 --> 00:56:40,720
if I don't get any midgets,
I'm gonna be so upset.
1076
00:56:40,723 --> 00:56:42,922
I can't have this wedding without midgets.
1077
00:56:42,924 --> 00:56:45,791
You'll have a beautiful
weddin' no matter what.
1078
00:56:49,563 --> 00:56:51,696
What's wrong, honey?
1079
00:56:51,697 --> 00:56:53,830
Well, that was... I was just
talkin' to doc tuley,
1080
00:56:53,833 --> 00:56:58,502
and, he just told me that...
1081
00:56:58,504 --> 00:57:00,737
He said I can't have babies.
1082
00:57:04,308 --> 00:57:06,775
That's funny.
That's cute, baby.
1083
00:57:06,777 --> 00:57:08,342
What do you mean, we can't have babies?
1084
00:57:08,344 --> 00:57:11,745
No, not "we."
Me.
1085
00:57:11,747 --> 00:57:14,481
See, I-I didn't tell you 'cause
I-I didn't want you worryin',
1086
00:57:14,483 --> 00:57:16,683
but I had some fertility tests done
1087
00:57:16,685 --> 00:57:18,418
'cause, you know, we been tryin'
1088
00:57:18,420 --> 00:57:21,754
and, you know, weren't
gettin' nowhere and...
1089
00:57:21,756 --> 00:57:25,791
Well, anyway, the tests
came back from little rock,
1090
00:57:25,793 --> 00:57:28,794
and my tadpoles ain't swimmin'.
1091
00:57:28,796 --> 00:57:31,096
Roy, it's just a mistake.
1092
00:57:31,097 --> 00:57:33,397
They made a mistake because,
in case you forgot,
1093
00:57:33,400 --> 00:57:35,499
I'm definitely pollinated.
1094
00:57:35,501 --> 00:57:37,501
No, they said
it's a for-sure thing.
1095
00:57:37,503 --> 00:57:39,035
Honey, it can't be a for-sure thing.
Damn it.
1096
00:57:39,037 --> 00:57:42,505
They... they sent the samples
off to a dang laboratory.
1097
00:57:42,507 --> 00:57:44,340
They ain't gonna be wrong in a laboratory.
1098
00:57:44,342 --> 00:57:45,774
Well, they gotta be wrong
because I can't be pregnant
1099
00:57:45,776 --> 00:57:46,841
unless...
1100
00:57:53,783 --> 00:57:54,848
what was that?
1101
00:57:54,850 --> 00:57:57,550
What was what?
1102
00:57:57,552 --> 00:57:59,384
That look.
What look?
1103
00:57:59,386 --> 00:58:03,787
The look you two just gave each other.
1104
00:58:04,823 --> 00:58:07,523
That... that was... that was no look.
1105
00:58:07,525 --> 00:58:08,824
W...
1106
00:58:14,865 --> 00:58:17,765
Darlene, I-I'm so sorry.
1107
00:58:17,767 --> 00:58:19,700
What do you mean, you're sorry?
1108
00:58:19,702 --> 00:58:21,001
I'm so sorry, Darlene.
1109
00:58:21,002 --> 00:58:22,301
What are you sorry about?
1110
00:58:22,304 --> 00:58:23,303
You ain't got nothin' to be sorry about.
1111
00:58:23,305 --> 00:58:24,804
I mean, for God's sake,
1112
00:58:24,806 --> 00:58:26,437
you looked at me, and I looked at you.
1113
00:58:26,439 --> 00:58:27,971
Shit. People can look at one
another, can't they?
1114
00:58:27,973 --> 00:58:29,906
Not that like, they can't.
1115
00:58:31,542 --> 00:58:36,777
God. Please...
Please forgive me.
1116
00:58:38,313 --> 00:58:39,779
Forgive you for what?
1117
00:58:39,781 --> 00:58:41,781
What do you mean, forgive you?
1118
00:58:41,783 --> 00:58:43,582
This is ridiculous.
1119
00:58:43,584 --> 00:58:45,650
Will y'all hold on?
I... b...
1120
00:58:45,652 --> 00:58:46,984
am I missin' somethin' here?
1121
00:58:46,986 --> 00:58:49,753
For cryin' out loud, Roy, don't you see?
1122
00:58:49,755 --> 00:58:53,388
This isn't Reno.
This is "Melrose place."
1123
00:58:54,724 --> 00:58:56,790
My husband has been doin' your wife.
1124
00:58:56,792 --> 00:58:58,725
No.
1125
00:58:58,727 --> 00:59:00,059
Yes.
1126
00:59:00,061 --> 00:59:01,660
Ain't that the shits?
1127
00:59:01,662 --> 00:59:02,994
I think y'all are jumpin' the gun.
1128
00:59:02,996 --> 00:59:05,429
Shut up!
1129
00:59:05,431 --> 00:59:07,731
Just shut up, Lonnie Earl!
God damn it!
1130
00:59:07,733 --> 00:59:09,766
Quit acting like such an ass!
1131
00:59:09,768 --> 00:59:11,501
You blew it!
1132
00:59:11,503 --> 00:59:12,602
Well, hell, you're the one
that got pregnant.
1133
00:59:12,604 --> 00:59:13,869
She's the one
got pregnant. Shit.
1134
00:59:13,871 --> 00:59:17,571
You insensitive son of a bitch!
1135
00:59:23,444 --> 00:59:26,645
Darlene, I know. I'm so sorry.
1136
00:59:26,647 --> 00:59:29,514
He's an asshole!
1137
00:59:29,516 --> 00:59:31,082
He's an asshole?!
1138
00:59:31,084 --> 00:59:35,819
Hey, Roy, listen, I'm sorry, man.
1139
00:59:35,821 --> 00:59:38,521
You're my best friend.
1140
00:59:39,957 --> 00:59:42,023
Listen, w...
you gotta believe me.
1141
00:59:42,025 --> 00:59:43,523
This didn't have a fuckin'
thing to do with you.
1142
00:59:43,525 --> 00:59:45,691
She's my wife!
1143
00:59:45,693 --> 00:59:46,858
Tramp!
1144
00:59:46,860 --> 00:59:49,594
Bastard!
1145
00:59:49,596 --> 00:59:52,763
Darlene, please wait.
1146
00:59:56,601 --> 00:59:58,468
Darlene...
Darlene, please wait.
1147
00:59:58,470 --> 00:59:59,535
Shut up.
1148
00:59:59,537 --> 01:00:01,069
Come on.
We have to talk about this.
1149
01:00:01,071 --> 01:00:03,471
You're my best friend.
1150
01:00:03,473 --> 01:00:04,638
Best friends?
1151
01:00:04,640 --> 01:00:07,139
Best friends don't do that to best friends.
1152
01:00:10,443 --> 01:00:11,742
Enjoying your stay, sir?
1153
01:00:11,744 --> 01:00:13,043
Shut up.
1154
01:00:13,045 --> 01:00:15,578
Okay, then.
1155
01:00:18,916 --> 01:00:22,050
I've known you since the third grade.
1156
01:00:22,052 --> 01:00:25,686
Just how long have you two
been visitin' sin city?
1157
01:00:26,955 --> 01:00:28,888
Twice.
Just two times.
1158
01:00:28,890 --> 01:00:30,756
I swear to God,
that's it. That's...
1159
01:00:30,758 --> 01:00:32,824
what are you doin'?
Why are you...
1160
01:00:32,826 --> 01:00:33,824
We need...
we need to talk.
1161
01:00:33,826 --> 01:00:35,476
Not now, Roy!
1162
01:00:35,477 --> 01:00:37,127
Can't you see I'm tryin'
to console Darlene?!
1163
01:00:37,129 --> 01:00:39,028
I don't want your consolin'!
1164
01:00:39,030 --> 01:00:40,629
That's your husband!
1165
01:00:40,631 --> 01:00:42,030
He's the one who needs your consolin'!
1166
01:00:42,032 --> 01:00:43,798
I'm fine.
1167
01:00:43,800 --> 01:00:45,666
Th-that's okay.
You can go first.
1168
01:00:45,668 --> 01:00:46,733
Damn it, Roy!
1169
01:00:46,735 --> 01:00:48,769
Show some backbone, will ya?!
1170
01:00:48,771 --> 01:00:49,870
Wh... why are you mad
at me?!
1171
01:00:49,872 --> 01:00:51,221
Why are you yellin' at him?
1172
01:00:51,222 --> 01:00:52,571
He's just tryin' to be nice.
1173
01:00:52,574 --> 01:00:53,773
Shut up, whore!
1174
01:00:53,775 --> 01:00:55,007
All right, Roy.
1175
01:00:55,009 --> 01:00:56,008
Darlene.
1176
01:00:56,010 --> 01:00:57,009
Come on, hit me.
1177
01:00:57,011 --> 01:00:58,110
What?
Hit me.
1178
01:00:58,112 --> 01:00:59,827
I got it comin' to me.
No.
1179
01:00:59,828 --> 01:01:01,544
It'll make you feel better.
It'll make me feel better.
1180
01:01:01,547 --> 01:01:03,513
I know you're gonna hit me back.
I promise I won't hit you back.
1181
01:01:03,515 --> 01:01:04,580
Okay, come on!
1182
01:01:04,582 --> 01:01:05,747
My God!
Lonnie Earl!
1183
01:01:05,749 --> 01:01:06,781
Get off!
1184
01:01:06,783 --> 01:01:08,182
Get off me!
1185
01:01:08,184 --> 01:01:10,083
Get off him, you bastard!
1186
01:01:10,085 --> 01:01:11,584
You hit him!
1187
01:01:11,586 --> 01:01:13,719
You hit me and then sleep with my wife!
1188
01:01:13,721 --> 01:01:15,287
And you hit me!
1189
01:01:15,288 --> 01:01:16,854
It was just a reflex action.
That's all it was.
1190
01:01:16,857 --> 01:01:18,890
Folks, you really gotta keep it down in...
1191
01:01:18,892 --> 01:01:21,759
get the fuck out!!
1192
01:01:21,761 --> 01:01:22,893
Hold on.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, listen.
1193
01:01:22,895 --> 01:01:26,562
I got a great idea, okay?
1194
01:01:26,564 --> 01:01:28,864
I know how to fix everything.
1195
01:01:28,866 --> 01:01:30,832
Darlene and Roy gotta sleep together.
1196
01:01:30,834 --> 01:01:32,867
It'll make it even.
It's like a dealer trade-in.
1197
01:01:32,869 --> 01:01:34,635
You are such a sick fuck!
What?
1198
01:01:34,637 --> 01:01:36,269
Have you finally lost your mind?!
1199
01:01:36,271 --> 01:01:41,807
If I wanted a make-up fuck,
it would be with Tony Orlando!
1200
01:01:41,809 --> 01:01:43,542
Jesus, help me.
1201
01:01:43,544 --> 01:01:47,245
I feel so raw, like I haven't got any skin!
1202
01:01:47,247 --> 01:01:50,214
This is wrong.
It's just wrong.
1203
01:01:50,216 --> 01:01:51,614
I know. It's wrong.
1204
01:01:51,616 --> 01:01:53,816
And if I could just wiggle my nose
1205
01:01:53,818 --> 01:01:55,684
like Samantha on "bewitched"
1206
01:01:55,686 --> 01:01:57,585
and make this all go away, Darlene, I would.
1207
01:01:57,587 --> 01:01:58,852
I swear to God.
1208
01:01:58,854 --> 01:02:00,019
You'd probably call up aunt Clara,
1209
01:02:00,021 --> 01:02:01,754
and Lonnie Earl would fuck her, too.
1210
01:02:01,756 --> 01:02:03,088
Hey, hey,
1211
01:02:03,090 --> 01:02:04,689
Hey, hey, hey, honey, listen.
1212
01:02:04,691 --> 01:02:06,223
Listen. C-calm down.
1213
01:02:06,225 --> 01:02:07,557
Don't tell me to calm down!
Calm... calm down!
1214
01:02:07,559 --> 01:02:09,109
Calm down.
Calm down. Calm down.
1215
01:02:09,110 --> 01:02:10,660
Let... let me go with you,
and we'll... we'll talk.
1216
01:02:10,662 --> 01:02:12,795
I don't wanna be around you.
1217
01:02:12,797 --> 01:02:14,596
I don't wanna be around any of you.
1218
01:02:14,598 --> 01:02:15,997
No, Darlene.
1219
01:02:15,999 --> 01:02:16,997
You're gonna need your eyedrops.
1220
01:02:16,999 --> 01:02:18,999
My eyes are just fine.
1221
01:02:19,001 --> 01:02:21,101
They're just fine.
I don't need 'em.
1222
01:02:21,103 --> 01:02:23,002
Everything's crystal clear.
1223
01:02:23,004 --> 01:02:24,837
Please don't go.
Darlene, wait a minute.
1224
01:02:33,947 --> 01:02:35,146
Hello.
1225
01:02:35,148 --> 01:02:37,915
This is definitely the shits.
1226
01:02:37,917 --> 01:02:39,750
I'm sorry, Roy.
1227
01:02:39,752 --> 01:02:41,851
You know what?
1228
01:02:41,853 --> 01:02:45,921
Sorry just ain't cuttin' it
right now, Lonnie Earl.
1229
01:02:46,924 --> 01:02:48,890
Sugar kitten?
1230
01:02:48,892 --> 01:02:51,859
I'm in hell.
I hope everybody's happy.
1231
01:02:55,230 --> 01:02:57,129
Friends?
1232
01:02:59,633 --> 01:03:01,866
Shit! Fuck!
1233
01:03:05,938 --> 01:03:08,938
Car number 5394, please.
1234
01:03:08,940 --> 01:03:11,206
Yes.
You have a good day, too.
1235
01:03:11,208 --> 01:03:12,607
Darlene, wait!
1236
01:03:12,609 --> 01:03:15,009
You don't wanna leave like this.
1237
01:03:15,011 --> 01:03:16,710
Don't tell me what I want.
1238
01:03:16,712 --> 01:03:20,013
I'm sick and tired of people
tellin' me what I want to do!
1239
01:03:20,015 --> 01:03:21,848
God, I fucked up.
1240
01:03:21,850 --> 01:03:22,915
I'm so sorry, hon.
1241
01:03:22,917 --> 01:03:24,783
We have to talk about this.
1242
01:03:24,785 --> 01:03:27,085
We're too close to throw away what we got.
1243
01:03:27,087 --> 01:03:29,087
What we got?!
1244
01:03:29,089 --> 01:03:32,757
We got a fuckin' mess is what we got!
1245
01:03:32,759 --> 01:03:34,924
And I had nothin' to do with it!
1246
01:03:36,060 --> 01:03:37,292
Yes, you did.
1247
01:03:37,294 --> 01:03:39,344
Excuse me?
1248
01:03:39,345 --> 01:03:41,395
You did have somethin'
to do with it, Darlene.
1249
01:03:41,398 --> 01:03:44,332
Hell, Lonnie Earl was
cryin' for your attention,
1250
01:03:44,334 --> 01:03:46,934
and you refused to see it.
1251
01:03:46,936 --> 01:03:48,835
So he came to me to talk about it,
1252
01:03:48,837 --> 01:03:50,903
and I was just tryin' to be
your friend, so I listened.
1253
01:03:50,905 --> 01:03:52,070
And before you knew it,
1254
01:03:52,072 --> 01:03:54,172
he was spinnin' you like a helicopter.
1255
01:03:54,174 --> 01:03:55,306
You bitch.
1256
01:03:55,308 --> 01:03:57,408
And you call yourself my friend.
1257
01:03:57,410 --> 01:04:00,710
You're damn right I do.
1258
01:04:00,712 --> 01:04:01,744
In case you forgot,
1259
01:04:01,746 --> 01:04:03,846
I tried to talk to you about it, too,
1260
01:04:03,848 --> 01:04:06,315
and you kept tryin' to
convince me and yourself
1261
01:04:06,317 --> 01:04:07,616
that everything was great,
1262
01:04:07,617 --> 01:04:08,916
that life was just one big bowl of cherries!
1263
01:04:08,919 --> 01:04:11,085
Go away!
1264
01:04:11,087 --> 01:04:13,253
You know what?
You're a fuckin' mole.
1265
01:04:13,255 --> 01:04:16,222
And I'm not talkin' about that
thing on Cindy Crawford's lips.
1266
01:04:16,224 --> 01:04:19,391
I'm talkin' about them rodents that
bury themselves in the ground.
1267
01:04:19,393 --> 01:04:22,394
They got eyes, but since they
don't use 'em, they can't see.
1268
01:04:22,396 --> 01:04:24,062
Come on, elevator.
1269
01:04:24,064 --> 01:04:25,829
Just go ahead.
1270
01:04:25,831 --> 01:04:27,897
Just run away, Darlene, like you always do.
1271
01:04:27,899 --> 01:04:29,765
Just so you don't have to face anything.
1272
01:04:29,767 --> 01:04:31,032
Shut up.
1273
01:04:31,034 --> 01:04:33,701
You've got the world by its balls,
1274
01:04:33,703 --> 01:04:35,102
and you don't even know it!
1275
01:04:35,104 --> 01:04:38,905
And you know why?
1276
01:04:38,907 --> 01:04:43,409
Because you're always throwing
some goddamn Darlene pity party.
1277
01:04:43,411 --> 01:04:45,744
Mopin' around in those stupid overalls,
1278
01:04:45,746 --> 01:04:49,214
feelin' sorry for yourself,
hidin' behind your kids!
1279
01:04:49,216 --> 01:04:51,748
God, you've got this prison
built into your head,
1280
01:04:51,750 --> 01:04:53,116
and you just love living there!
1281
01:04:53,118 --> 01:04:54,784
Stop now!
1282
01:04:54,786 --> 01:04:55,751
No!
1283
01:04:55,753 --> 01:04:59,755
Wake... Up, Darlene.
1284
01:04:59,757 --> 01:05:02,324
You've got a nice house,
your bills are paid,
1285
01:05:02,326 --> 01:05:04,192
you've got healthy kids,
1286
01:05:04,194 --> 01:05:07,295
you've got friends who care
about you if you only let them.
1287
01:05:07,297 --> 01:05:09,030
And, damn it, you've got a husband
1288
01:05:09,032 --> 01:05:11,365
who thinks you're worth fightin' for!
1289
01:05:11,367 --> 01:05:13,867
He so desperately wants to find
1290
01:05:13,869 --> 01:05:15,834
the woman he fell in love with.
1291
01:05:15,836 --> 01:05:19,337
God damn it, you could really enjoy life.
1292
01:05:19,339 --> 01:05:24,375
If you open your eyes,
you'd see that I'm right.
1293
01:05:24,377 --> 01:05:27,778
All I'd see are your legs up
over my husband's shoulders.
1294
01:05:29,314 --> 01:05:32,748
Don't go there.
1295
01:05:32,750 --> 01:05:33,915
Ladies...
1296
01:05:33,917 --> 01:05:35,016
The only thing I'm still wonderin'
1297
01:05:35,018 --> 01:05:36,751
is how a spoiled brat like you
1298
01:05:36,753 --> 01:05:39,253
fucked Lonnie Earl without
your daddy's permission.
1299
01:05:39,255 --> 01:05:40,754
Ooohhhhhh!
1300
01:05:40,756 --> 01:05:42,154
Bitch!
1301
01:05:45,025 --> 01:05:46,257
Roy, let's talk.
1302
01:05:46,259 --> 01:05:47,391
Shut up.
1303
01:05:47,393 --> 01:05:49,292
They're gonna kill each other.
1304
01:05:50,795 --> 01:05:52,227
Hey, just...
just... just a sec.
1305
01:05:52,229 --> 01:05:53,995
Stairs.
I just need to tell you...
1306
01:05:53,997 --> 01:05:55,329
H-how sorry I am
about all of this.
1307
01:05:55,331 --> 01:05:57,397
Later.
Roy...
1308
01:06:02,303 --> 01:06:05,370
Let go of me!
1309
01:06:05,372 --> 01:06:07,337
Darlene!
1310
01:06:07,339 --> 01:06:08,438
Let me go!
1311
01:06:10,442 --> 01:06:13,042
Get off of me, you bitch!
1312
01:06:13,044 --> 01:06:14,843
Why won't you just let me...
1313
01:06:17,847 --> 01:06:19,407
I hope that hurts you like you hurt me.
1314
01:06:21,917 --> 01:06:24,817
Arrrgghh!
Darlene!
1315
01:06:26,487 --> 01:06:28,787
Y'all stop it.
1316
01:06:28,789 --> 01:06:30,789
No! No!
1317
01:06:30,791 --> 01:06:32,756
No! Let go of me!
1318
01:06:32,758 --> 01:06:34,141
Get off her!
1319
01:06:34,142 --> 01:06:35,525
Don't tell me I'm goin' home!
1320
01:06:35,527 --> 01:06:37,210
Lonnie Earl, let go of me!
1321
01:06:37,211 --> 01:06:38,894
What are you doin'?
Will you calm down?
1322
01:06:38,897 --> 01:06:40,463
Don't tell me to calm down!
1323
01:06:40,465 --> 01:06:43,299
Roy! Let go!
Put me down!
1324
01:06:44,902 --> 01:06:46,868
I'm with child, you idiot!
1325
01:06:46,870 --> 01:06:48,903
Get... let go of that.
What are you...
1326
01:06:48,905 --> 01:06:50,204
give me my wallet!
1327
01:06:50,206 --> 01:06:51,939
Give me my...
1328
01:06:54,843 --> 01:06:56,209
Is this what you want?!
1329
01:06:56,211 --> 01:06:57,243
No, no, honey, please.
1330
01:06:57,245 --> 01:06:58,393
This is what I want!
1331
01:06:58,394 --> 01:06:59,543
Please, please, please.
Give me that.
1332
01:06:59,546 --> 01:07:00,811
Bastard!
1333
01:07:13,490 --> 01:07:16,224
She's on her deal, you know?
1334
01:07:37,910 --> 01:07:39,576
Aren't you going to have the oysters?
1335
01:07:39,578 --> 01:07:42,912
They are afro-diliacs,
you know?
1336
01:07:49,186 --> 01:07:52,351
So, can I buy you a real drink?
1337
01:07:54,888 --> 01:07:57,321
Yeah. Yeah. Why not?
1338
01:09:22,994 --> 01:09:25,627
Are you ready, boots?
1339
01:09:25,629 --> 01:09:28,630
Start walking.
1340
01:09:41,608 --> 01:09:43,374
All right, lay it on me...
1341
01:09:49,114 --> 01:09:51,380
now you're talkin'.
Keep those hands together now.
1342
01:10:03,658 --> 01:10:05,591
Keep it comin', Reno.
Come on now.
1343
01:10:12,665 --> 01:10:14,297
Wait a second.
1344
01:10:14,299 --> 01:10:16,799
Don't tell me that beautiful
lady's sittin' alone.
1345
01:10:20,804 --> 01:10:22,670
Welcome.
1346
01:10:42,755 --> 01:10:44,454
All right.
I can't take it anymore.
1347
01:10:44,456 --> 01:10:46,022
I can't be alone.
1348
01:10:46,023 --> 01:10:47,589
I'm gonna throw myself out the damn window.
1349
01:10:47,592 --> 01:10:50,091
I gotta talk to somebody.
You don't understand, candy.
1350
01:10:50,093 --> 01:10:52,660
See, ever since I was a little
kid, I didn't like to be alone.
1351
01:10:52,662 --> 01:10:55,095
And I can't be alone right
now, and you gotta talk to me.
1352
01:10:55,097 --> 01:10:56,696
Let's... let me sit here
just for a minute.
1353
01:10:56,698 --> 01:10:57,730
Just talk to you or somethin'.
1354
01:10:57,732 --> 01:11:00,082
I promise, I swear to God,
1355
01:11:00,083 --> 01:11:02,433
I won't try to get that
monkey. I swear to God.
1356
01:11:03,603 --> 01:11:06,837
He's cheatin' on me.
1357
01:11:06,839 --> 01:11:10,407
Roy is cheatin' on me.
1358
01:11:10,409 --> 01:11:12,075
What are you talkin' about?
1359
01:11:12,077 --> 01:11:13,709
Can you believe it?
1360
01:11:13,711 --> 01:11:17,678
That asshole.
1361
01:11:17,680 --> 01:11:22,716
I saw him dancin' with some
puerto rican skank at the bar.
1362
01:11:22,718 --> 01:11:26,786
I know he is.
1363
01:11:26,788 --> 01:11:29,855
Did she have a hairy lower back?
1364
01:11:32,726 --> 01:11:33,758
Yeah.
1365
01:11:33,760 --> 01:11:36,460
Long, black hair?
1366
01:11:38,396 --> 01:11:40,329
A little piece of deerskin
coverin' her titties?
1367
01:11:40,332 --> 01:11:42,831
Yeah.
1368
01:11:42,833 --> 01:11:44,599
That ain't no big deal.
1369
01:11:44,601 --> 01:11:47,802
That's just this hooker that's
workin' the bar down there.
1370
01:11:47,804 --> 01:11:49,836
A hooker?
1371
01:12:04,150 --> 01:12:06,782
I guess I said the wrong thing, didn't I?
1372
01:12:09,720 --> 01:12:12,654
He doesn't love me anymore.
1373
01:12:12,656 --> 01:12:14,689
No, that's not true.
1374
01:12:14,691 --> 01:12:16,290
Honey, he loves you.
1375
01:12:16,292 --> 01:12:17,457
No, he doesn't.
1376
01:12:17,459 --> 01:12:21,694
My Roy is bangin' a puerto rican hooker.
1377
01:12:22,763 --> 01:12:24,546
I doubt it.
1378
01:12:24,547 --> 01:12:26,330
I think she's a lesbian anyway, hon.
1379
01:12:26,333 --> 01:12:30,134
She's not a lesbian.
I saw her with him.
1380
01:12:30,136 --> 01:12:31,368
Now...
1381
01:12:31,370 --> 01:12:34,236
You want to know why?
1382
01:12:36,706 --> 01:12:39,173
'Cause we're shitty people, Lonnie Earl.
1383
01:12:39,176 --> 01:12:40,675
Baby, we're not shitty people.
1384
01:12:40,677 --> 01:12:41,876
We're... we're not.
1385
01:12:41,878 --> 01:12:43,828
We are.
1386
01:12:43,829 --> 01:12:45,779
We're not either, baby.
We're not shitty people.
1387
01:12:45,781 --> 01:12:48,748
We're not.
We're shitty people.
1388
01:12:48,750 --> 01:12:50,149
Hon, you know,
1389
01:12:50,151 --> 01:12:51,750
I was kind of here
to talk about my problems.
1390
01:12:51,752 --> 01:12:52,917
Jesus h.
1391
01:12:52,919 --> 01:12:54,652
We're shitty people.
1392
01:12:54,654 --> 01:12:56,420
Why the hell did I come back?
1393
01:12:56,422 --> 01:12:58,754
Why don't you two just get
a room of your own?
1394
01:12:58,756 --> 01:13:00,489
Or would you rather me just
hang out here in the hall
1395
01:13:00,491 --> 01:13:01,623
and wait till you're done?
1396
01:13:01,625 --> 01:13:03,558
Why don't you come in, Roy?
1397
01:13:03,560 --> 01:13:05,726
We was just talkin' about you.
Wasn't we, candy?
1398
01:13:05,728 --> 01:13:06,893
Yeah.
1399
01:13:06,895 --> 01:13:08,327
Well...
1400
01:13:11,231 --> 01:13:13,698
Did you do her?
1401
01:13:13,700 --> 01:13:17,168
Do what?
1402
01:13:17,170 --> 01:13:23,273
Did you and your hot tamale puerto
rican dancin' partner do it?
1403
01:13:23,275 --> 01:13:25,607
For your information,
1404
01:13:25,609 --> 01:13:27,675
she prefers to be called
a lady of the night.
1405
01:13:27,677 --> 01:13:30,544
I don't care what she prefers to be called!
1406
01:13:30,546 --> 01:13:33,213
God damn it!
Queen of sheba!
1407
01:13:33,215 --> 01:13:35,315
I don't fuckin' care!
Did you do her?!
1408
01:13:35,317 --> 01:13:36,582
Now, you wait a minute.
1409
01:13:36,584 --> 01:13:37,716
How dare you get your panties in a wad
1410
01:13:37,718 --> 01:13:39,607
when it's the two of you
1411
01:13:39,608 --> 01:13:41,497
that started this mess in the first place!
1412
01:13:41,498 --> 01:13:43,387
I believe I'm just gonna go back
over here to the room for a while.
1413
01:13:43,390 --> 01:13:46,691
I thought you said you
couldn't stand bein' alone.
1414
01:13:46,693 --> 01:13:48,659
Well...
1415
01:13:48,661 --> 01:13:50,726
This ain't none of my
business, really, you know?
1416
01:13:50,728 --> 01:13:52,177
The hell it ain't.
1417
01:13:52,178 --> 01:13:53,627
It became your business
when she pissed on that stick
1418
01:13:53,630 --> 01:13:55,796
and turned the damn thing blue.
1419
01:13:55,798 --> 01:13:57,964
Okay. I'll stay.
1420
01:13:57,966 --> 01:13:59,349
I'll sit over here in the chair,
1421
01:13:59,350 --> 01:14:00,733
and y'all can just yell
at me any time you want to.
1422
01:14:00,735 --> 01:14:02,668
Abuse me.
1423
01:14:05,606 --> 01:14:07,439
Roy...
1424
01:14:09,609 --> 01:14:12,743
You have every reason to be mad at me.
1425
01:14:15,162 --> 01:14:17,579
But did you have to go and find
1426
01:14:17,582 --> 01:14:21,483
some puerto rican skank to get back at me?
1427
01:14:21,485 --> 01:14:23,585
Lord knows what kind of
diseases she might have,
1428
01:14:23,587 --> 01:14:25,587
and now I'm gonna have 'em!
1429
01:14:25,589 --> 01:14:27,322
Ho, sweetheart.
Get back at you?
1430
01:14:27,324 --> 01:14:28,656
I wasn't tryin' to get back at you.
1431
01:14:28,658 --> 01:14:30,391
I wasn't even thinkin' of you.
1432
01:14:31,694 --> 01:14:35,629
And do you have any idea how good that felt?
1433
01:14:35,631 --> 01:14:36,997
How much does a girl like that run you, Roy?
1434
01:14:36,999 --> 01:14:41,700
God damn it, Lonnie Earl!
It's none of your business!
1435
01:14:41,702 --> 01:14:42,767
Well, I tried to leave.
1436
01:14:44,804 --> 01:14:46,570
I'll tell you...
1437
01:14:46,572 --> 01:14:48,805
She didn't cost me a damn dime.
1438
01:14:48,807 --> 01:14:50,773
And you know why?
1439
01:14:50,775 --> 01:14:53,809
'Cause she really liked me for me.
1440
01:14:53,811 --> 01:14:57,712
She... she thought I was
a real good guy, you know?
1441
01:14:57,714 --> 01:15:00,648
And that I did not deserve
a wife and a best friend
1442
01:15:00,650 --> 01:15:02,583
to do me the way you two did.
1443
01:15:02,585 --> 01:15:04,585
She thought that I deserved
1444
01:15:04,587 --> 01:15:06,652
a hell of a lot more respect,
1445
01:15:06,654 --> 01:15:09,554
and, by God, she was right.
1446
01:15:09,556 --> 01:15:10,922
'Cause I've had it up to here.
1447
01:15:10,924 --> 01:15:13,891
I'm sick and tired of bein' treated
1448
01:15:13,893 --> 01:15:16,260
like everybody's little punchin' bag.
1449
01:15:16,262 --> 01:15:18,028
I know you know what I'm talkin' about.
1450
01:15:18,030 --> 01:15:20,997
And I ain't gonna stand here
and take it no more.
1451
01:15:20,999 --> 01:15:22,665
As of right now,
1452
01:15:22,667 --> 01:15:25,534
Roy kirkendall is demandin'
your utmost respect,
1453
01:15:25,536 --> 01:15:27,119
and he's gonna get it
1454
01:15:27,120 --> 01:15:28,703
or there's gonna be hell
to pay, I promise you.
1455
01:15:28,705 --> 01:15:30,738
I'm gonna kick some ass and take some names.
1456
01:15:31,740 --> 01:15:33,773
I respect you, Roy.
1457
01:15:35,777 --> 01:15:38,477
Darlene, I've been worried sick
about you, honey.
1458
01:15:38,479 --> 01:15:39,511
Holy...
1459
01:15:39,513 --> 01:15:40,512
Don't come near me.
1460
01:15:40,514 --> 01:15:41,513
God.
1461
01:15:41,515 --> 01:15:44,516
You'll spoil my aura.
Your what?
1462
01:15:44,518 --> 01:15:47,619
Well, can't you see it?
It's all around me.
1463
01:15:47,621 --> 01:15:49,621
It's a big ol' cloud
of self-esteem.
1464
01:15:49,623 --> 01:15:52,290
And Tony Orlando gave it to me.
1465
01:15:53,293 --> 01:15:55,426
Darlene, you...
1466
01:15:55,428 --> 01:15:57,427
you look...
1467
01:15:57,429 --> 01:15:59,962
you look good enough to put
in a j.C. Penney window.
1468
01:15:59,964 --> 01:16:02,064
Well, thank you, bubba.
1469
01:16:10,940 --> 01:16:13,707
You met Tony Orlando?
1470
01:16:15,544 --> 01:16:21,647
No... But he sang
right to me.
1471
01:16:24,851 --> 01:16:28,953
You really did look pretty tonight, Darlene.
1472
01:16:34,760 --> 01:16:38,995
I actually felt pretty tonight, candy.
1473
01:17:03,083 --> 01:17:05,716
Rise and shine.
1474
01:17:05,718 --> 01:17:08,351
2:15.
Breakfast time.
1475
01:17:08,353 --> 01:17:09,885
Up, up, up, gentlemen.
1476
01:17:16,092 --> 01:17:18,592
Rise and shine.
Feet on the floor.
1477
01:17:18,594 --> 01:17:19,593
Good morning, men.
1478
01:17:19,595 --> 01:17:21,661
Wakey, wakey, hand off snakey.
1479
01:17:21,663 --> 01:17:24,430
I'm here on orders from Darlene dodd.
1480
01:17:24,432 --> 01:17:26,565
Breakfast is being served.
1481
01:17:26,567 --> 01:17:28,433
Please join me, won't you?
1482
01:17:28,435 --> 01:17:29,700
Miss candy...
1483
01:17:29,702 --> 01:17:31,368
It's breakfast time.
1484
01:17:31,370 --> 01:17:32,736
Won't you join us, please?
1485
01:17:35,806 --> 01:17:38,773
Roy, you're gonna have the eggs Benedict.
1486
01:17:38,775 --> 01:17:40,607
And eggs florentine...
1487
01:17:40,609 --> 01:17:42,909
no coffee for the lady who is with child.
1488
01:17:42,911 --> 01:17:46,646
And this one is for... let's
see, how did she put it?
1489
01:17:46,648 --> 01:17:51,684
The whore dog who sells cars in millsberg.
1490
01:17:51,686 --> 01:17:54,153
Don't shoot the messenger.
Okay.
1491
01:17:54,155 --> 01:17:57,556
The bill's been
taken care of by you, Mr. dodd.
1492
01:17:57,558 --> 01:18:00,492
I hope you've had a pleasant stay with us,
1493
01:18:00,494 --> 01:18:03,628
and I wish that I could say
I hope you'll return soon,
1494
01:18:03,630 --> 01:18:05,795
but... I'd be lying.
1495
01:18:05,797 --> 01:18:07,897
Okay. Goodbye.
1496
01:18:07,899 --> 01:18:08,998
H-hang on a minute.
1497
01:18:09,000 --> 01:18:10,599
No, no, please.
1498
01:18:10,601 --> 01:18:12,734
Don't give me your dollar.
1499
01:18:12,736 --> 01:18:16,738
I've been most pleasantly
taken care of by Darlene.
1500
01:18:16,740 --> 01:18:17,905
She's quite a woman.
1501
01:18:17,907 --> 01:18:21,875
All right.
Whore dog, all, good day.
1502
01:18:23,979 --> 01:18:25,945
I don't like that motherfucker.
1503
01:18:25,947 --> 01:18:27,913
I wasn't gonna tip
the son of a bitch anyway.
1504
01:18:29,583 --> 01:18:31,915
This says "meet me at
the monster truck jam."
1505
01:18:34,852 --> 01:18:36,852
The question I have to ask now...
1506
01:18:36,854 --> 01:18:40,555
is anybody ready to see
some monster truck racing?
1507
01:18:42,759 --> 01:18:45,526
Okay! Let's do it!
1508
01:19:09,212 --> 01:19:10,311
Hey, baby.
1509
01:19:10,313 --> 01:19:11,313
Hey.
1510
01:19:13,849 --> 01:19:15,148
Just in time for the big event.
1511
01:19:23,089 --> 01:19:24,788
Wow.
1512
01:19:29,728 --> 01:19:31,711
Look at that.
1513
01:19:31,712 --> 01:19:33,695
Boy, we got exciting
monster truck action tonight!
1514
01:19:33,698 --> 01:19:35,864
Honey, I know I've been an asshole.
1515
01:19:35,866 --> 01:19:37,999
I swear to God, I'm gonna do better.
1516
01:19:38,000 --> 01:19:40,133
It'd just tear me to pieces
if somethin' happened to us.
1517
01:19:40,136 --> 01:19:43,837
I'd rather get run over by one of them
damn trucks out there than lose you.
1518
01:19:45,807 --> 01:19:47,873
Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome to Reno,
1519
01:19:47,875 --> 01:19:50,573
a truck-chomping,
Godzilla-of-a-beast machine...
1520
01:19:54,812 --> 01:19:59,681
Give it up, Reno, for robosaurus!
1521
01:20:18,829 --> 01:20:21,596
So, what do you think, people?
1522
01:20:21,598 --> 01:20:23,731
We sacrificed a new car!
1523
01:20:25,334 --> 01:20:27,701
Yeah!
1524
01:20:32,773 --> 01:20:35,006
No.
1525
01:20:37,777 --> 01:20:39,876
Go, baby!
1526
01:20:49,019 --> 01:20:52,754
Lonnie Earl, so much for that
corinthian leather?
1527
01:21:07,368 --> 01:21:08,767
Go!
1528
01:21:08,769 --> 01:21:09,801
Whoooo!
1529
01:21:17,843 --> 01:21:18,908
He's gonna eat it.
1530
01:21:36,958 --> 01:21:39,258
No.
1531
01:21:39,260 --> 01:21:41,760
Lonnie Earl, how are we gonna get home?
1532
01:21:44,664 --> 01:21:48,032
Now, tonight's fully loaded,
dealer-exclusive offering
1533
01:21:48,034 --> 01:21:52,403
was generously donated
by a Mr. Lonnie Earl dodd
1534
01:21:52,405 --> 01:21:55,005
of Lonnie Earl dodd Chevrolet!
1535
01:22:06,715 --> 01:22:08,981
If you can't trust Lonnie Earl,
1536
01:22:08,983 --> 01:22:10,849
who can you trust?
1537
01:22:10,851 --> 01:22:13,852
Let's give it up for Lonnie Earl!
1538
01:22:25,330 --> 01:22:28,731
I saw these two couples on
the "Jerry springer" show
1539
01:22:28,733 --> 01:22:31,433
that screwed up a hell of
a lot worse than we did.
1540
01:22:31,435 --> 01:22:34,302
And I figured if they can make
up by the end of the show,
1541
01:22:34,304 --> 01:22:36,737
in time, maybe we could, too.
1542
01:22:36,739 --> 01:22:39,039
You need any help with that, Roy?
1543
01:22:39,041 --> 01:22:42,442
But I guess life isn't always that simple.
1544
01:22:42,444 --> 01:22:47,180
So we all decided we'd better leave
what had happened back in Reno.
1545
01:22:47,182 --> 01:22:50,348
While the baby issue's still
stuck in everyone's craw...
1546
01:22:50,350 --> 01:22:53,117
Roy said that if he had to drop
2 grand at a sperm bank
1547
01:22:53,119 --> 01:22:55,018
to buy some stranger's seed,
1548
01:22:55,020 --> 01:22:58,254
he thought it seemed better
to get it from his best friend.
1549
01:22:58,256 --> 01:23:02,891
We all just wished Lonnie Earl
had made the deposit in a cup.
1550
01:23:10,901 --> 01:23:14,268
But you realize time heals all wounds,
1551
01:23:14,270 --> 01:23:17,271
and real friends endure tough times.
1552
01:23:17,273 --> 01:23:21,108
And that's what we are...
real friends.
1553
01:23:21,110 --> 01:23:22,875
Roy...
1554
01:23:26,280 --> 01:23:31,282
I wanted to tell you somethin'.
1555
01:23:32,351 --> 01:23:35,251
I love you.
1556
01:23:36,854 --> 01:23:38,119
I know.
1557
01:23:38,121 --> 01:23:39,153
No.
1558
01:23:39,155 --> 01:23:41,888
I mean, I really love you.
1559
01:25:04,356 --> 01:25:07,590
And good news...
candy had a 9-pound baby boy.
1560
01:25:07,592 --> 01:25:10,225
The spittin' image of Roy.
1561
01:25:10,227 --> 01:25:13,161
Candy insisted they name him Gunther.
1562
01:25:13,163 --> 01:25:16,564
And after two more babies,
there was no debatin' it...
1563
01:25:16,566 --> 01:25:19,266
Roy's tadpoles were most
definitely swimmin'.
1564
01:25:19,268 --> 01:25:22,134
As for us, Lonnie Earl finally agreed
1565
01:25:22,136 --> 01:25:24,536
to see that marriage counselor
in little rock.
1566
01:25:24,538 --> 01:25:26,838
And since then, things have been lookin' up.
1567
01:25:26,840 --> 01:25:30,141
I've been takin' a more active
role in the family business.
1568
01:25:30,143 --> 01:25:32,910
And you'd be surprised what
it's done for my self-esteem,
1569
01:25:32,912 --> 01:25:34,578
not to mention our sales.
1570
01:25:34,580 --> 01:25:36,880
I guarantee you, we won't be
undersold by anybody.
1571
01:25:36,882 --> 01:25:38,615
And if you can't trust ol' Lonnie Earl...
1572
01:25:38,617 --> 01:25:40,350
Then you can trust Darlene.
1573
01:25:40,352 --> 01:25:42,636
Hi, I'm Darlene dodd
1574
01:25:42,637 --> 01:25:44,921
invitin' you to come on down
to Lonnie Earl dodd Chevrolet,
1575
01:25:44,923 --> 01:25:46,555
where you'll find the best deals ever.
1576
01:25:46,557 --> 01:25:49,456
So swing by Lonnie Earl dodd dodge and Chevy
1577
01:25:49,458 --> 01:25:51,624
and say hello to Ronnie the rooster here
1578
01:25:51,626 --> 01:25:53,525
or try your luck with Trudy.
1579
01:25:53,527 --> 01:25:55,393
Right now, we've got a really great deal
1580
01:25:55,395 --> 01:25:56,594
on a used maroon suburban,
1581
01:25:56,596 --> 01:25:58,513
so come on over.
1582
01:25:58,514 --> 01:26:00,431
And just remember,
if you can't trust Lonnie Earl,
1583
01:26:00,433 --> 01:26:03,033
you can trust Darlene.