1 00:00:43,177 --> 00:00:44,676 What was that? 2 00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:13,272 Me and my brother, 3 00:01:13,274 --> 00:01:15,240 we'd just got out of the shower, 4 00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:17,810 and he was about two years younger than me. 5 00:01:17,812 --> 00:01:19,645 And while my mom was taking care of him 6 00:01:19,647 --> 00:01:22,247 'cause he's tiny, 7 00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:25,009 - I was in the living room, drying off, watching TV. 8 00:01:25,035 --> 00:01:26,210 - Five, four, three... 9 00:01:40,133 --> 00:01:41,867 In a Miami, Florida, courtroom today, 10 00:01:41,869 --> 00:01:44,636 former Panamanian dictator, Manuel noriega... 11 00:01:44,638 --> 00:01:46,772 - hey, Chris. - Whoever the newscaster was 12 00:01:46,774 --> 00:01:48,874 starts kind of getting my attention... 13 00:01:48,876 --> 00:01:51,777 - Chris. - Saying like, "hey, Chris. Hey, Chris." 14 00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:54,213 Hey, Chris. 15 00:01:54,215 --> 00:01:56,682 - And It's saying, "don't worry." - Don't worry. 16 00:01:56,684 --> 00:01:58,817 Everything's gonna be okay. 17 00:01:58,819 --> 00:02:01,687 And one day, We'll be back. 18 00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:09,561 It terrified me. 19 00:02:09,563 --> 00:02:12,364 I remember screaming to get my mom, 20 00:02:12,366 --> 00:02:14,500 bringing her to the TV, 21 00:02:14,502 --> 00:02:17,569 who now was back to doing normal news casting, 22 00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:19,638 because that's, you know, what it was. 23 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:22,641 And her basically explaining to me, like, 24 00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:24,843 "tv's don't talk to you. That's ridiculous." 25 00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:26,812 I'm disenchanted, because now I thought 26 00:02:26,814 --> 00:02:28,914 something really cool happened, 27 00:02:28,916 --> 00:02:30,816 and that's not a thing I remember, 28 00:02:30,818 --> 00:02:33,752 I know it was there. 29 00:02:33,754 --> 00:02:35,787 And, you know, I was wide awake. 30 00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:37,590 I had literally just gotten out of the shower, 31 00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:40,726 and it was this very overwhelming experience for me 32 00:02:40,728 --> 00:02:43,662 because now, as a five-year-old, 33 00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:46,932 I didn't know where I belonged. 34 00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:17,596 Okay. Set. 35 00:03:20,333 --> 00:03:23,635 So how did this start, Jeff? 36 00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:28,774 Um, probably about 10 years ago. 37 00:03:28,776 --> 00:03:31,376 My girlfriend at the time and I were talking about 38 00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:34,513 different paranormal stories, and she started telling me 39 00:03:34,515 --> 00:03:36,748 about how sometimes she'd wake up 40 00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:38,383 in the middle of the night, 41 00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:40,419 just, like, unable to move or breathe. 42 00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:43,388 She said it felt like there's, like, 43 00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:46,525 an evil presence in the room with her, 44 00:03:46,527 --> 00:03:49,528 and they would just, like... kind of, like, torment her. 45 00:03:49,530 --> 00:03:50,929 And she would eventually wake up, 46 00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:53,699 and it'd be like it was just a dream. 47 00:03:53,701 --> 00:03:55,434 After she told me that, 48 00:03:55,436 --> 00:03:56,969 I didn't really know what to make of it. 49 00:03:56,971 --> 00:03:59,738 I was like, "okay, I got involved with some crazy girl." 50 00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:02,774 And I just kind of changed the subject, 51 00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:04,543 started talking about something else. 52 00:04:04,545 --> 00:04:09,348 Then about a week later, I laid down to go to sleep. 53 00:04:09,350 --> 00:04:12,351 And just as I started to drift off, 54 00:04:12,353 --> 00:04:14,720 I felt my body just become extremely heavy. 55 00:04:14,722 --> 00:04:17,489 It was like I fell asleep, 56 00:04:17,491 --> 00:04:20,559 but then woke up at the same instant. 57 00:04:20,561 --> 00:04:23,562 And my whole body started tingling. 58 00:04:23,564 --> 00:04:25,464 It just felt like really weighted down, 59 00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:27,466 like something was pulling me. 60 00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:29,668 And I heard this, like, sound. 61 00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:31,503 It wasn't outside of my head, 62 00:04:31,505 --> 00:04:32,971 but it was just inside of my head. 63 00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:34,973 It just sounded like a washing machine 64 00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:37,376 that kind of out of balance or something, 65 00:04:37,378 --> 00:04:41,813 just banging against the wall, and just really terrified me. 66 00:04:43,884 --> 00:04:47,352 I kind of started, like, freaking out, 67 00:04:47,354 --> 00:04:49,688 and, like, started seeing things. 68 00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:51,723 And it was really bizarre. 69 00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:53,558 Well, what did you see? 70 00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:55,694 Um, it was kind of like... 71 00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:58,363 it was kind of like... 72 00:04:58,365 --> 00:04:59,731 All these different colors, 73 00:04:59,733 --> 00:05:02,734 like a laser light show or something, 74 00:05:02,736 --> 00:05:05,871 like, I was like flying through, like, a time warp. 75 00:05:05,873 --> 00:05:08,540 It just had all these colors just, like, shooting at me 76 00:05:08,542 --> 00:05:10,642 in a light show. 77 00:05:22,488 --> 00:05:25,824 And I found that I had zero control over my body. 78 00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:27,659 Like, no matter how hard I tried, 79 00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:30,762 I couldn't move my arms, my legs, nothing. 80 00:05:30,764 --> 00:05:34,733 And so I really started to kind of have a panic attack 81 00:05:34,735 --> 00:05:36,401 because I didn't know what was going on. 82 00:05:36,403 --> 00:05:37,903 I thought I was dead. 83 00:05:37,905 --> 00:05:40,639 I thought it was like a stroke or something. 84 00:05:40,641 --> 00:05:42,441 Nothing worked. I couldn't move. 85 00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:44,876 I had no control over anything. 86 00:05:44,878 --> 00:05:48,380 Finally I decided, well, 87 00:05:48,382 --> 00:05:51,416 I'm just gonna try to build up all the strength 88 00:05:51,418 --> 00:05:52,951 that I have in me just to get myself 89 00:05:52,953 --> 00:05:54,953 to roll over onto my girlfriend 90 00:05:54,955 --> 00:05:57,622 hoping that it wakes her up. 91 00:05:57,624 --> 00:06:00,726 So it was just like this last-ditch effort 92 00:06:00,728 --> 00:06:02,394 of everything I had, 93 00:06:02,396 --> 00:06:04,396 I just, like, wrenched my body. 94 00:06:04,398 --> 00:06:08,800 As soon as I flipped over on top of her, I woke up. 95 00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:12,137 And I was still laying in my original position 96 00:06:12,139 --> 00:06:14,539 like none of it had happened. 97 00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:16,508 I was just completely shocked. 98 00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:18,810 I had no idea what was going on. 99 00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:20,946 I just did not know what to make of it. 100 00:06:20,948 --> 00:06:23,682 After that, it was like, constantly, 101 00:06:23,684 --> 00:06:25,450 night after night after night, 102 00:06:25,452 --> 00:06:28,653 for a couple weeks, maybe even a month or so. 103 00:06:28,655 --> 00:06:31,390 And... 104 00:06:31,392 --> 00:06:33,658 I just did not know how to process it at the time. 105 00:06:33,660 --> 00:06:37,162 And so, finally, I told my girlfriend about it. 106 00:06:37,164 --> 00:06:38,764 I was like, "okay, this is what's happening to me." 107 00:06:38,766 --> 00:06:40,632 "I think I need to go to the doctor." 108 00:06:40,634 --> 00:06:42,901 I think I'm having strokes, like mini-strokes, 109 00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:45,804 or seizures maybe even," and she's like, 110 00:06:45,806 --> 00:06:48,774 "no, that's exactly what happens to me. 111 00:06:48,776 --> 00:06:51,176 That's what I was trying to tell you about." 112 00:06:59,485 --> 00:07:01,987 I was about 29 years old. 113 00:07:01,989 --> 00:07:03,822 Mm-hmm. 114 00:07:03,824 --> 00:07:06,491 And here in this room, 115 00:07:06,493 --> 00:07:08,727 as I would lay down to sleep, 116 00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:12,964 I'd start feeling tingling in my feet, 117 00:07:12,966 --> 00:07:17,169 and then I would feel it rise up my legs... 118 00:07:17,171 --> 00:07:18,937 Up my torso, on my hands, 119 00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:21,640 and I'd also hear buzzing. 120 00:07:21,642 --> 00:07:23,942 You know, like bees buzzing. 121 00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:25,744 That's when these episodes would start. 122 00:07:25,746 --> 00:07:27,446 I would feel tingling and I would get... 123 00:07:27,448 --> 00:07:29,548 I'd feel the energy. 124 00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:32,717 I felt that my mind was awake, but my body was stiff. 125 00:07:32,719 --> 00:07:34,886 I'd try to move my head from side to side. 126 00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:36,855 I just... I couldn't move. 127 00:08:04,584 --> 00:08:06,184 And in that moment, 128 00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:08,186 I would hear tapping on the window. 129 00:08:08,188 --> 00:08:11,690 They would tap here. I would hear tapping. 130 00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:13,725 And I'm thinking, "well, maybe It's just a squirrel" 131 00:08:13,727 --> 00:08:17,729 or a raccoon," but it was like a pattern. 132 00:08:17,731 --> 00:08:18,771 It was definitely a knock. 133 00:08:20,767 --> 00:08:23,802 And I would open my eyes, and I'd look toward the window, 134 00:08:23,804 --> 00:08:25,904 and then it would stop. 135 00:08:25,906 --> 00:08:27,973 But after a while, 136 00:08:27,975 --> 00:08:30,775 I started feeling an actual presence. 137 00:08:39,018 --> 00:08:41,086 And I would feel this presence right next to me 138 00:08:41,088 --> 00:08:43,088 trying to take my soul out. 139 00:08:43,090 --> 00:08:46,691 It would torture me at night, and I would try and fight it, 140 00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:48,927 but I felt I was... my body felt paralyzed. 141 00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:52,831 It was just so strong that I would just let go, 142 00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:55,700 and then I'd feel myself floating in the air. 143 00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:59,037 And I could try and see myself, but I would just see a blur. 144 00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:06,611 And it happened for many years, and... 145 00:09:06,613 --> 00:09:08,947 when I was pregnant with my daughter, 146 00:09:08,949 --> 00:09:12,017 and I felt the baby as well, trying to come out. 147 00:09:12,019 --> 00:09:15,086 But I was trying to fight it, and I was saying, "no, no." 148 00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:17,956 So I would pull back. It's like If I would pull back. 149 00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:20,592 And it would pull, you know, the other way. 150 00:09:28,734 --> 00:09:31,870 When I was in my mid to late 20s, 151 00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:34,806 I had a really awful breakup. 152 00:09:34,808 --> 00:09:37,309 I was miserable because I was so brokenhearted. 153 00:09:37,311 --> 00:09:39,344 And I started my first teaching job around the same time, 154 00:09:39,346 --> 00:09:41,346 so I was super stressed-out from that. 155 00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:58,063 I would just see this, like, dark figure by the bookshelves, 156 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,767 and I could not move, and it was fucking terrifying. 157 00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:04,369 I didn't know what was happening. 158 00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:06,037 I did think that somebody had broken 159 00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:08,139 into my apartment at first, because at that point, 160 00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:10,609 my roommate and I lived... I had a roommate then... 161 00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:12,010 we lived on fourth street, 162 00:10:12,012 --> 00:10:13,645 and we were on the top floor of the building. 163 00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:16,081 And our building was really easy to get into. 164 00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:18,783 Like, the door in from the balcony to our apartment 165 00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:21,820 didn't really lock, so I think I was like, 166 00:10:21,822 --> 00:10:23,855 "Oh, fuck, somebody actually broke in." 167 00:10:23,857 --> 00:10:26,791 To be lying there and know, I want to move, 168 00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:28,793 and I'm trying to move, and I cannot... 169 00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:30,729 absolutely terrifying. 170 00:10:33,366 --> 00:10:37,369 I've always had a problem with states of consciousness. 171 00:10:37,371 --> 00:10:39,004 Slipping in and out 172 00:10:39,006 --> 00:10:40,672 of different states of consciousness. 173 00:10:40,674 --> 00:10:43,808 And I do remember... 174 00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:46,277 When I was very, very young... 175 00:10:46,279 --> 00:10:49,347 two, three, I was still in a crib. 176 00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:53,251 And there was a plug-in night light, 177 00:10:53,253 --> 00:10:57,989 and it was that orange cast color. 178 00:10:57,991 --> 00:11:01,760 And it was all dark except for that orange cast, 179 00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:04,029 and the room turned red, 180 00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:06,264 and I felt like something was coming after me, 181 00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:08,700 and I cuddled down and covered myself. 182 00:11:25,151 --> 00:11:28,186 It was my earliest memory of the scariness 183 00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:31,322 that happened to me and continued to happen. 184 00:11:31,324 --> 00:11:36,194 Laying down to go to sleep, I would feel utterly exhausted, 185 00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:38,229 almost as If I had just been drugged. 186 00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:40,999 I mean, you know, having been in the hospital, 187 00:11:41,001 --> 00:11:42,967 I understand what that's like. 188 00:11:42,969 --> 00:11:46,137 It's just like I had been injected. 189 00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:49,941 And my eyes sealed shut. My mouth sealed shut. 190 00:11:49,943 --> 00:11:52,377 And It's as If everything was shutting down, 191 00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:56,114 except for my awareness, my consciousness. 192 00:11:56,116 --> 00:11:59,784 And then I could feel a vibration. 193 00:11:59,786 --> 00:12:01,886 Sometimes it was so intense, 194 00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:04,956 it felt like being electrocuted, 195 00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:08,993 but it was definitely an electrical vibration. 196 00:12:08,995 --> 00:12:12,797 I began hearing voices and screams 197 00:12:12,799 --> 00:12:14,733 - and crying... 198 00:12:14,735 --> 00:12:18,937 And all of this really emotional drama, 199 00:12:18,939 --> 00:12:22,841 yelling to crying, but all negative emotion, 200 00:12:22,843 --> 00:12:25,744 all of these different voices. 201 00:12:25,746 --> 00:12:28,146 And then that is when the shadow man 202 00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:30,949 would come toward me. 203 00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:34,753 Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid! Stupid! 204 00:12:37,089 --> 00:12:41,326 And he looked just like a three-dimensional shadow, 205 00:12:41,328 --> 00:12:45,263 outlined, just perfect. 206 00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:48,933 And he would walk... Disjointed. 207 00:12:52,872 --> 00:12:56,808 And he brought the vibration with him. 208 00:12:56,810 --> 00:13:00,378 It's as If it was emanating from him. 209 00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:04,816 And he would come towards me, and I would just feel that. 210 00:13:04,818 --> 00:13:06,818 Hear... hear... 211 00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:10,021 I would hear all the sounds of hell... 212 00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:12,524 I don't know any other way to put it... 213 00:13:12,526 --> 00:13:16,561 and feel his awful vibration. 214 00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:20,131 And I would have a fight/flight response, 215 00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:22,233 and I would completely, you know, freak out, 216 00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:24,502 and try to scream or get away. 217 00:13:28,841 --> 00:13:32,377 And many times, the intensity just continued. 218 00:13:32,379 --> 00:13:35,146 I was very scared, and I was upstairs, 219 00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:37,182 and I didn't feel like anybody was gonna get to me 220 00:13:37,184 --> 00:13:39,017 If I screamed. 221 00:13:39,019 --> 00:13:41,052 It's very dark. 222 00:13:41,054 --> 00:13:43,922 And it scared me forever. 223 00:13:43,924 --> 00:13:47,292 I mean, it really scared me to the end of my wits. 224 00:13:47,294 --> 00:13:50,128 And If anything was gonna drive me insane, 225 00:13:50,130 --> 00:13:51,996 it was gonna be that. 226 00:13:59,038 --> 00:14:02,941 What happens is when you're falling asleep, 227 00:14:02,943 --> 00:14:04,909 You'll get an electrical shock through your body 228 00:14:04,911 --> 00:14:08,213 just as you're falling asleep, and that's the usual indication 229 00:14:08,215 --> 00:14:10,248 that you're gonna have a visit that night. 230 00:14:10,250 --> 00:14:14,252 Then You'll fall asleep, 231 00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:17,555 and then You'll wake up, and you're totally paralyzed, 232 00:14:17,557 --> 00:14:19,123 you can't move. 233 00:14:19,125 --> 00:14:23,194 Um, and... There's static in the room. 234 00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:27,599 And you're being visited. They'll circle your bed, 235 00:14:27,601 --> 00:14:30,134 and now and again, They'll try and touch you. 236 00:14:30,136 --> 00:14:34,606 The first one is a generic shadow person, 237 00:14:34,608 --> 00:14:37,909 which is just basically an outline of me and you 238 00:14:37,911 --> 00:14:41,079 on a sunny day, on the pavement, 239 00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:44,315 on the sidewalk in a 3-d form. 240 00:14:47,386 --> 00:14:50,622 And the second... 241 00:14:50,624 --> 00:14:53,992 the second entity, which is the hat man, 242 00:14:53,994 --> 00:14:56,361 seems to have a direct link to them. 243 00:14:56,363 --> 00:15:00,265 He's... he's a very authoritarian figure. 244 00:15:00,267 --> 00:15:02,300 He's very menacing. 245 00:15:02,302 --> 00:15:05,370 He's very... 246 00:15:05,372 --> 00:15:08,206 he's in charge of them. 247 00:15:08,208 --> 00:15:10,008 His minions, so to speak. 248 00:15:10,010 --> 00:15:12,644 And, um... 249 00:15:12,646 --> 00:15:15,179 They're a team. It's hell. 250 00:15:15,181 --> 00:15:19,217 He's awful, awful, awful. 251 00:15:19,219 --> 00:15:21,953 It all starts with that electrical shock. 252 00:15:39,171 --> 00:15:41,172 I have my two separate lives. 253 00:15:41,174 --> 00:15:43,341 I have my life like we're here talking about it, 254 00:15:43,343 --> 00:15:45,410 and It's cool and I go to work. 255 00:15:45,412 --> 00:15:47,245 Then when I go to bed, 256 00:15:47,247 --> 00:15:50,114 I have this whole other life that I have to deal with. 257 00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:52,116 When it first started, it was pretty intermittent. 258 00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:53,484 It wasn't every day. 259 00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:58,389 Don't know the age. Around this time. 260 00:15:58,391 --> 00:16:00,725 My brother didn't live with us anymore, 261 00:16:00,727 --> 00:16:03,194 and I had my room all to myself. 262 00:16:03,196 --> 00:16:06,998 It's kind of funny 'cause I can remember 263 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:10,134 my bed had collapsed, 264 00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:13,271 onto a box of beanie babies that my mom collected. 265 00:16:13,273 --> 00:16:14,739 My mom was a big collector. 266 00:16:14,741 --> 00:16:18,009 And so my bed kind of pivots, right? 267 00:16:18,011 --> 00:16:19,978 On top of this thing there's a frame, 268 00:16:19,980 --> 00:16:21,679 the bed pivoting. 269 00:16:21,681 --> 00:16:24,449 And I remember the bed was pivoted, 270 00:16:24,451 --> 00:16:26,718 on this particular night, 271 00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:29,020 with my feet closer to the ground 272 00:16:29,022 --> 00:16:31,756 and my head higher up, like a seesaw. 273 00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:35,193 And I remember the paralysis starts, 274 00:16:35,195 --> 00:16:38,763 and I can see the door frame. 275 00:16:38,765 --> 00:16:42,433 Like I can see... I'm looking directly at... 276 00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:44,168 you know, I'm looking at a wall, 277 00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:46,170 and the door is right here. 278 00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:50,108 So, here's a bed, there's me, then straight forward, 279 00:16:50,110 --> 00:16:51,709 there's the door that exits, right? 280 00:16:51,711 --> 00:16:54,112 And there's the light from the hallway. 281 00:16:54,114 --> 00:16:57,315 And I remember seeing, you know, 282 00:16:57,317 --> 00:16:59,317 your traditional darkness, your, you know, 283 00:16:59,319 --> 00:17:02,420 everything kind of exists in shadows. 284 00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:06,357 I mean, it all looks like It's moving. 285 00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,459 All the darkness looks alive. 286 00:17:45,497 --> 00:17:49,700 But I remember seeing... 287 00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:53,471 People, beings, whatever, just coming in. 288 00:17:53,473 --> 00:17:56,074 They just... they look... 289 00:17:56,076 --> 00:17:57,542 they look like a... 290 00:17:57,544 --> 00:18:00,178 If a person were to walk in front of a light, 291 00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:02,180 and their shadow were to follow them, 292 00:18:02,182 --> 00:18:05,149 they looked like an almost... 293 00:18:05,151 --> 00:18:07,485 more shadow-like version of a shadow. 294 00:18:07,487 --> 00:18:09,654 Like... and kind of... 295 00:18:11,790 --> 00:18:15,126 Just... Didn't do anything. 296 00:18:15,128 --> 00:18:19,197 Like, I remember now, um, 297 00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:22,500 that they would... they just... shadows moving in, 298 00:18:22,502 --> 00:18:25,570 like, they would kind of intersect the light. 299 00:18:25,572 --> 00:18:29,107 I actually... I remember this kind of well now, 300 00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:31,843 because I was on this weird tilt, 301 00:18:31,845 --> 00:18:33,811 so it wasn't just me looking up, 302 00:18:33,813 --> 00:18:35,546 or, like, being able to kind of see around. 303 00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:37,682 This was me looking straight at the door. 304 00:18:37,684 --> 00:18:42,153 And just seeing these things. 305 00:18:42,155 --> 00:18:45,890 I remember in the paralysis, I thought that they were real. 306 00:18:45,892 --> 00:18:47,792 I always think they're real. 307 00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:49,694 Even to this day, I think these things are real 308 00:18:49,696 --> 00:18:53,164 in some sense, um... 309 00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:55,833 But when I woke up, they weren't there. 310 00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:58,803 It was definitely the first time 311 00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:03,207 that I saw something that made think 312 00:19:03,209 --> 00:19:07,445 that this was more than just a sleep disorder. 313 00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:20,324 I do remember it happening 314 00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:24,395 as far back as when I was a little girl. 315 00:19:24,397 --> 00:19:27,198 As far back as maybe five or six years old. 316 00:19:31,770 --> 00:19:34,305 And then the same thing happened 317 00:19:34,307 --> 00:19:36,207 when I was about 15. 318 00:19:40,445 --> 00:19:42,880 During that time, I was a rebellious teenager, 319 00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:47,351 so I was really out of control and feeling, like, 320 00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:49,220 unloved and stuff. 321 00:19:49,222 --> 00:19:52,490 I don't know how I got that way, 322 00:19:52,492 --> 00:19:55,426 but it was kind of like a brokenness inside, 323 00:19:55,428 --> 00:19:58,496 like, I was just broken, spiritually broken. 324 00:19:58,498 --> 00:20:00,898 And that time, 325 00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:03,768 I was in a two-story home in torrance, 326 00:20:03,770 --> 00:20:05,336 the city of torrance. 327 00:20:08,907 --> 00:20:10,841 It was in the middle of the night, 328 00:20:10,843 --> 00:20:12,610 but I was wide awake. 329 00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:14,512 I was literally wide awake. My eyes were open. 330 00:20:14,514 --> 00:20:16,914 But I could now feel this presence, 331 00:20:16,916 --> 00:20:19,217 this evil presence behind me. 332 00:20:22,788 --> 00:20:26,357 Lying on my side, like on my left side... 333 00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:28,292 I'm a side sleeper... 334 00:20:28,294 --> 00:20:31,229 and then the door is behind me. 335 00:20:31,231 --> 00:20:36,367 And... and then I could feel the presence 336 00:20:36,369 --> 00:20:38,936 just right behind me. 337 00:20:38,938 --> 00:20:41,405 And I remember just trying to... 338 00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:43,841 wanting to move and turn around, 339 00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:46,310 but I could not lift a finger. 340 00:20:46,312 --> 00:20:49,347 Again, it was... I was just frozen... 341 00:20:49,349 --> 00:20:51,816 Utterly in terror. 342 00:20:51,818 --> 00:20:53,584 And it was the... 343 00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:56,454 If I could describe what death would feel like... 344 00:20:58,323 --> 00:21:00,024 and It's a kind of horror 345 00:21:00,026 --> 00:21:02,960 that is worse than like in the movies. 346 00:21:02,962 --> 00:21:07,298 Um, It's an icy-cold, kind of dark 347 00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:10,334 evil something's in the room, 348 00:21:10,336 --> 00:21:11,836 and It's watching me. 349 00:21:11,838 --> 00:21:13,604 That's the scary part. 350 00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:16,507 That you feel a sense that It's watching you. 351 00:21:16,509 --> 00:21:17,875 And It's... and It's... 352 00:21:17,877 --> 00:21:20,878 and It's making you feel afraid. 353 00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:23,414 And it wants you to feel afraid. 354 00:21:33,558 --> 00:21:36,460 I was a year and a half old, probably. 355 00:21:36,462 --> 00:21:42,433 And I was born and raised in rural Vermont 356 00:21:42,435 --> 00:21:45,603 in an old farmhouse about 100, 100-plus years old, 357 00:21:45,605 --> 00:21:47,872 and I was in the middle of the woods. 358 00:21:47,874 --> 00:21:51,509 Um, so it was very dark and very quiet, 359 00:21:51,511 --> 00:21:53,711 just pitch silence, 360 00:21:53,713 --> 00:21:55,880 which, you know, itself kind of has a sound. 361 00:21:55,882 --> 00:21:58,816 Um, and... 362 00:21:58,818 --> 00:22:00,618 so here I am, I'm a baby. 363 00:22:00,620 --> 00:22:03,454 I wake up and I can't move. 364 00:22:03,456 --> 00:22:05,723 I'm in my crib. 365 00:22:05,725 --> 00:22:09,460 And so I'm surrounded by the bars 366 00:22:09,462 --> 00:22:11,462 of the crib on all sides. 367 00:22:11,464 --> 00:22:15,366 And above me, at the end of the crib, 368 00:22:15,368 --> 00:22:17,034 before the window, 369 00:22:17,036 --> 00:22:20,638 are two anthropomorphic... 370 00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:23,474 Kind of, beings, I guess. 371 00:22:23,476 --> 00:22:27,812 Uh, best word to describe them. 372 00:22:27,814 --> 00:22:29,780 I still remember them vividly 373 00:22:29,782 --> 00:22:32,450 because It's actually my first memory. 374 00:22:32,452 --> 00:22:34,051 So in a way, 375 00:22:34,053 --> 00:22:37,021 It's kind of my awakening into the world. 376 00:22:38,790 --> 00:22:40,524 Dark. 377 00:22:40,526 --> 00:22:42,526 They always just look so cartoony. 378 00:22:42,528 --> 00:22:47,498 I've tried to draw them before, and it just looks so goofy. 379 00:22:50,737 --> 00:22:55,539 It just doesn't have, uh, the same malevolent impact. 380 00:22:55,541 --> 00:22:59,076 And their skin, um, 381 00:22:59,078 --> 00:23:02,079 was like television static. 382 00:23:02,081 --> 00:23:04,815 Um, you know, it had, you know... 383 00:23:04,817 --> 00:23:07,151 like an old TV, when the signal's... 384 00:23:07,153 --> 00:23:09,620 when you're not getting a good signal. 385 00:23:09,622 --> 00:23:11,522 It had that same kind of texture, 386 00:23:11,524 --> 00:23:13,457 that kind of... 387 00:23:21,066 --> 00:23:24,535 they were tall, kind of thin, 388 00:23:24,537 --> 00:23:28,672 these kind of thin limbs and these long fingers. 389 00:23:28,674 --> 00:23:31,075 And they had these very simple faces, 390 00:23:31,077 --> 00:23:34,111 almost cartoonish faces of, you know, 391 00:23:34,113 --> 00:23:38,616 these two inky eyes and this big inky smile 392 00:23:38,618 --> 00:23:40,718 on their face that's kind of... 393 00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:44,655 It's tickling, tickling, tickling fingers, 394 00:23:44,657 --> 00:23:47,024 these, like, long, slender... 395 00:23:47,026 --> 00:23:49,894 they were laughing. 396 00:23:49,896 --> 00:23:52,963 And here's my little feet, you know. 397 00:23:55,667 --> 00:23:59,637 They were tickling me. And, you know, I was paralyzed. 398 00:23:59,639 --> 00:24:01,906 I couldn't move, and I couldn't stop them. 399 00:24:01,908 --> 00:24:03,641 And they were laughing about it. 400 00:24:03,643 --> 00:24:05,676 There was kind of like laughter. Like, ah-ha-ha. 401 00:24:05,678 --> 00:24:07,144 They were, like, there, you know? 402 00:24:07,146 --> 00:24:09,013 And bars, 403 00:24:09,015 --> 00:24:11,782 these two anthropomorphic things, the windows. 404 00:24:19,958 --> 00:24:22,626 You know, according to my parents... 405 00:24:22,628 --> 00:24:26,063 but I kept on repeating the words "zines." 406 00:24:26,065 --> 00:24:29,900 Like, z-I-n-e-s, over and over again 407 00:24:29,902 --> 00:24:31,836 in like kind of a panic. 408 00:24:31,838 --> 00:24:33,904 Kind of like, "zines, zines, zines," 409 00:24:33,906 --> 00:24:35,539 you know, like, hanging on to them. 410 00:24:35,541 --> 00:24:39,710 And so maybe as a child, you know, 411 00:24:39,712 --> 00:24:41,812 seeing these kind of anthropomorphic 412 00:24:41,814 --> 00:24:46,750 sort of not human but human... uh... 413 00:24:52,123 --> 00:24:54,825 So I wouldn't sleep in my crib again. 414 00:24:54,827 --> 00:24:57,928 My parents tried to put me in my crib, 415 00:24:57,930 --> 00:24:59,129 and I just wouldn't do it. 416 00:24:59,131 --> 00:25:00,731 I would just scream and scream 417 00:25:00,733 --> 00:25:03,033 and scream and scream and scream. 418 00:25:03,035 --> 00:25:05,069 I made this as a Halloween costume 419 00:25:05,071 --> 00:25:07,872 some years ago. 420 00:25:07,874 --> 00:25:11,075 Now you're staring into my childhood right now. 421 00:25:11,077 --> 00:25:13,978 I don't know. Is it scary? 422 00:25:29,594 --> 00:25:32,563 Did you seek any medical help? 423 00:25:32,565 --> 00:25:35,733 No, because I didn't think I was going crazy. 424 00:25:35,735 --> 00:25:39,770 I knew what I was experiencing was real. 425 00:25:39,772 --> 00:25:41,639 I didn't want someone else to come and tell me, 426 00:25:41,641 --> 00:25:42,940 "well, no, that's not real." 427 00:25:42,942 --> 00:25:45,576 Did you seek any kind of help? 428 00:25:45,578 --> 00:25:47,678 Did you try to do anything to keep it from happening? 429 00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:51,148 Did I get an exorcist? No, I did a Google search. 430 00:25:51,150 --> 00:25:54,051 I got on the Internet very early 431 00:25:54,053 --> 00:25:57,655 compared to most people, in about '94 maybe. 432 00:25:57,657 --> 00:26:00,591 I'm totally guessing. '94, '95. 433 00:26:00,593 --> 00:26:02,593 And one of the very first things I looked up, 434 00:26:02,595 --> 00:26:04,695 was "the shadowman" and "nightmare." 435 00:26:04,697 --> 00:26:07,031 And from there, in the search engines, 436 00:26:07,033 --> 00:26:09,733 it wasn't very far down the page... sleep paralysis. 437 00:26:09,735 --> 00:26:12,069 I was like, wait, sleep frozen, sleep paralysis. 438 00:26:12,071 --> 00:26:14,338 And I called my mom up right away. 439 00:26:14,340 --> 00:26:16,807 I said, "Oh, my gosh, mom, It's sleep paralysis." 440 00:26:16,809 --> 00:26:19,944 That's what they call it. It's a thing." 441 00:26:19,946 --> 00:26:22,046 She was very excited, too, 442 00:26:22,048 --> 00:26:24,148 and she wanted to understand more about it because she felt 443 00:26:24,150 --> 00:26:27,117 that maybe something medical could be done 444 00:26:27,119 --> 00:26:28,886 so that we no longer had it. 445 00:26:28,888 --> 00:26:30,888 Because when the scientists figure it out, 446 00:26:30,890 --> 00:26:33,123 they figure out a medicine to go with it, right? 447 00:26:33,125 --> 00:26:37,027 So we felt that we would actually have answers 448 00:26:37,029 --> 00:26:39,897 and medication or something to make it better. 449 00:26:39,899 --> 00:26:42,900 I called a doctor and made an appointment 450 00:26:42,902 --> 00:26:45,769 and came in, and explained to them what was going on, 451 00:26:45,771 --> 00:26:49,373 and my doctor said... she was kind of concerned 452 00:26:49,375 --> 00:26:52,076 that maybe I was having seizures while I was sleeping. 453 00:26:52,078 --> 00:26:56,780 So she set me up for a cat scan, an eeg and all that. 454 00:26:56,782 --> 00:26:58,616 So I went in for those, 455 00:26:58,618 --> 00:27:02,920 and my results for the cat scan were normal, 456 00:27:02,922 --> 00:27:07,625 but the eeg came back with... said I had abnormal results. 457 00:27:07,627 --> 00:27:08,926 That's all she said. 458 00:27:08,928 --> 00:27:11,795 "You have some abnormal readings." 459 00:27:11,797 --> 00:27:14,698 "You have sleep paralysis. It's just caused by stress." 460 00:27:14,700 --> 00:27:16,667 So If you just make some lifestyle changes, 461 00:27:16,669 --> 00:27:18,135 "it'll go away." 462 00:27:18,137 --> 00:27:23,340 Well, you get a cut-and-paste answer from doctors, 463 00:27:23,342 --> 00:27:27,077 "you're stressed. Change your lifestyle," 464 00:27:27,079 --> 00:27:29,380 without asking what your lifestyle is. 465 00:27:29,382 --> 00:27:31,348 There's no answer. 466 00:27:31,350 --> 00:27:35,386 It's just a dismissal of... basically, they don't know. 467 00:27:35,388 --> 00:27:36,987 And If they don't know, 468 00:27:36,989 --> 00:27:39,056 then they don't... they don't care. 469 00:27:39,058 --> 00:27:42,359 Every time I would talk to a psychiatrist, I'd be like, 470 00:27:42,361 --> 00:27:44,728 "I'm having this sleep problem. This is what happens. 471 00:27:44,730 --> 00:27:47,398 This what it feels like." They'd be like, "okay, okay. 472 00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:50,367 Tell me about, like, you know, how are you doing at home?" 473 00:27:50,369 --> 00:27:52,102 And I would always try to be like, "no, no, no", 474 00:27:52,104 --> 00:27:56,173 let's talk about this hideous sleep problem I have." 475 00:27:56,175 --> 00:27:59,376 She seemed really interested. She sort of leans in. 476 00:27:59,378 --> 00:28:01,011 And she's like, "It's not sleep apnea." 477 00:28:01,013 --> 00:28:02,780 And I was like, "I know that." 478 00:28:02,782 --> 00:28:05,416 And she just said, "that's really messed up." 479 00:28:24,335 --> 00:28:26,870 I remember, like, the following night 480 00:28:26,872 --> 00:28:29,940 after it would happen, I'd lay in bed being so scared 481 00:28:29,942 --> 00:28:31,909 that it was gonna happen again. 482 00:28:31,911 --> 00:28:34,845 And then, most assuredly, it would happen again 483 00:28:34,847 --> 00:28:37,414 'cause I was thinking about it and obsessing about it. 484 00:28:37,416 --> 00:28:40,484 Like, when I'd go through these dry spells, 485 00:28:40,486 --> 00:28:42,152 basically, where I wasn't having it, 486 00:28:42,154 --> 00:28:44,088 If I started telling somebody about it, 487 00:28:44,090 --> 00:28:46,457 then it was, like, almost 100% guaranteed 488 00:28:46,459 --> 00:28:48,392 that I was gonna have it that night. 489 00:28:51,429 --> 00:28:53,163 This is in our college apartment. 490 00:28:53,165 --> 00:28:56,333 Okay. - So, I was here. 491 00:29:06,444 --> 00:29:10,347 I had my bed right here... 492 00:29:10,349 --> 00:29:13,484 And then my roommate was right here. 493 00:29:18,056 --> 00:29:19,490 And the blobs... 494 00:29:19,492 --> 00:29:22,059 I saw these black blobs... 495 00:29:23,995 --> 00:29:26,864 I could see them. 496 00:29:26,866 --> 00:29:30,434 Blobs of black, coming onto my bed. 497 00:29:45,817 --> 00:29:49,987 And I could see my roommate, just in the corner over there, 498 00:29:49,989 --> 00:29:52,356 and I was trying to scream her name 499 00:29:52,358 --> 00:29:54,825 so that she could help me. 500 00:29:54,827 --> 00:29:58,462 And she's sleeping away, and I'm straining to talk. 501 00:29:58,464 --> 00:30:00,397 And nothing can come out. 502 00:30:17,215 --> 00:30:21,952 I'm a diver, and I've experienced... 503 00:30:21,954 --> 00:30:24,855 well, been close to death quite a few times. 504 00:30:24,857 --> 00:30:27,424 I'm a deep diver, but nothing's as terrifying, 505 00:30:27,426 --> 00:30:28,859 as what happens, 506 00:30:28,861 --> 00:30:30,861 and I have it once or twice a week. 507 00:30:30,863 --> 00:30:33,163 When I was about 10 is when it started to happen, 508 00:30:33,165 --> 00:30:35,999 every single solitary day of my life. 509 00:30:36,001 --> 00:30:38,569 Nobody ever really took me entirely seriously, you know, 510 00:30:38,571 --> 00:30:42,105 even though I was a petrified little boy, 511 00:30:42,107 --> 00:30:45,309 you know, terrified to be alone, hated my bedroom, 512 00:30:45,311 --> 00:30:49,847 hated the room below my bedroom, and had sleep paralysis 513 00:30:49,849 --> 00:30:52,015 probably every night. 514 00:30:52,017 --> 00:30:54,218 You know, had voices talking to me 515 00:30:54,220 --> 00:30:57,087 in the sleep paralysis, very abusive experiences. 516 00:30:57,089 --> 00:30:58,989 Hey, forrest. 517 00:30:58,991 --> 00:31:01,959 - Hey, forrest. - Hey, forrest. 518 00:31:01,961 --> 00:31:06,897 You just won the giant insect of the month club. 519 00:31:06,899 --> 00:31:09,600 Insect of the month club. 520 00:31:09,602 --> 00:31:14,972 We're sending your first prize up to your bedroom right now. 521 00:31:19,010 --> 00:31:21,912 You know, and again, it goes back to the fact that, 522 00:31:21,914 --> 00:31:24,047 you know, because it wasn't like a real experience... 523 00:31:24,049 --> 00:31:26,049 If somebody had come into my bedroom, 524 00:31:26,051 --> 00:31:29,019 and some creepy guy was whispering to me every night, 525 00:31:29,021 --> 00:31:30,320 you know, my parents would definitely 526 00:31:30,322 --> 00:31:32,089 have done something about it, 527 00:31:32,091 --> 00:31:34,925 but the farthest they went was kind of being like, 528 00:31:34,927 --> 00:31:37,928 "well, maybe we should take him to a psychologist? No." 529 00:31:40,665 --> 00:31:43,166 I was trying to fall asleep. 530 00:31:43,168 --> 00:31:47,638 I felt this overwhelming pressure come over me. 531 00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:50,607 And my breathing just stopped. 532 00:31:58,650 --> 00:32:01,919 My body was trying to kind of tell me, 533 00:32:01,921 --> 00:32:03,921 "I'm gonna kill myself now. 534 00:32:03,923 --> 00:32:06,957 And you have the option to stop that." 535 00:32:11,229 --> 00:32:13,964 If I want to continue to breathe, 536 00:32:13,966 --> 00:32:17,634 I have to actively override whatever else is going on. 537 00:32:19,270 --> 00:32:21,338 I have two options... 538 00:32:21,340 --> 00:32:23,407 either try to break free of the paralysis 539 00:32:23,409 --> 00:32:26,109 or I breathe. 540 00:32:27,679 --> 00:32:30,147 You know, that was kind of the beginning, 541 00:32:30,149 --> 00:32:34,952 and that was the beginning of me being afraid of, 542 00:32:34,954 --> 00:32:38,021 not going to sleep, but, you know, 543 00:32:38,023 --> 00:32:41,124 I would just pressure myself, to wait till exhaustion 544 00:32:41,126 --> 00:32:42,960 to fall asleep, for the most part, 545 00:32:42,962 --> 00:32:47,030 'cause after that, it just never stopped, 546 00:32:47,032 --> 00:32:49,333 um... kind of ever. 547 00:32:49,335 --> 00:32:54,137 I'll get it just about anywhere. 548 00:32:54,139 --> 00:32:56,139 Some places will be much worse. 549 00:32:58,376 --> 00:33:01,578 And the voice is different by place. 550 00:33:07,719 --> 00:33:12,055 Um... I had an apartment in Boston. 551 00:33:12,057 --> 00:33:14,057 I lived in Jamaica plain in Boston for a while 552 00:33:14,059 --> 00:33:15,759 above a pizza place, 553 00:33:15,761 --> 00:33:18,028 and I would always hear this middle-aged woman 554 00:33:18,030 --> 00:33:19,763 singing in a baby's voice there, 555 00:33:23,135 --> 00:33:25,602 this gradually faded away 556 00:33:25,604 --> 00:33:27,337 until I pretty much almost forgot 557 00:33:27,339 --> 00:33:30,040 I had ever experienced it. 558 00:33:30,042 --> 00:33:33,610 And I... thought I was good, finally over. 559 00:33:33,612 --> 00:33:35,212 It was just a phase I was going through, 560 00:33:35,214 --> 00:33:37,280 and now It's done. 561 00:33:37,282 --> 00:33:41,051 One afternoon, I was up doing housework, 562 00:33:41,053 --> 00:33:43,086 and was kind of tired, 563 00:33:43,088 --> 00:33:45,288 and I figured I'll lay down and take a nap, 564 00:33:45,290 --> 00:33:47,657 because I'm gonna go out with some friends later on tonight. 565 00:33:47,659 --> 00:33:51,161 So I went, laid down, 566 00:33:51,163 --> 00:33:55,399 and set the alarm on my phone, checked, saw the time, 567 00:33:55,401 --> 00:33:58,068 and just kind of threw it on the nightstand next to me, 568 00:33:58,070 --> 00:34:00,203 and just laid down. 569 00:34:00,205 --> 00:34:04,641 And... As I started to fall asleep, 570 00:34:04,643 --> 00:34:08,645 I felt, like, this tingling sensation come over me, 571 00:34:08,647 --> 00:34:11,248 and since I had been dealing with it so long, 572 00:34:11,250 --> 00:34:12,816 it was kind of like a familiar feeling, 573 00:34:12,818 --> 00:34:14,618 it was like the warning sign, 574 00:34:14,620 --> 00:34:17,320 "okay, sleep paralysis is about to happen." 575 00:34:17,322 --> 00:34:20,357 Like, my body would tingle, start to feel heavy. 576 00:34:20,359 --> 00:34:23,393 I'd see, like, all these pixilated colors, 577 00:34:23,395 --> 00:34:26,797 and so I set myself up to wake myself up, 578 00:34:26,799 --> 00:34:29,099 kind of shake it off. 579 00:34:29,101 --> 00:34:33,270 So then... it felt like it went away. 580 00:34:33,272 --> 00:34:36,206 So I just, like, picked up my phone, 581 00:34:36,208 --> 00:34:39,810 looked at the time, okay, laid back down 582 00:34:39,812 --> 00:34:42,179 and started going to sleep. 583 00:34:42,181 --> 00:34:45,682 And just as I fell asleep, my phone rang. 584 00:34:45,684 --> 00:34:48,652 - And so I laid there for a second. 585 00:34:48,654 --> 00:34:51,788 I was like, "do I answer it, don't I answer it?" 586 00:34:51,790 --> 00:34:53,356 Just fell asleep, 587 00:34:53,358 --> 00:34:55,092 and now somebody's waking me up. 588 00:34:55,094 --> 00:34:56,393 So finally, I gave in and I answered it. 589 00:34:56,395 --> 00:34:59,162 I grabbed my phone. "Hello?" 590 00:34:59,164 --> 00:35:01,131 When I did that, 591 00:35:01,133 --> 00:35:04,701 the person on the other end of the line said, "hello," 592 00:35:04,703 --> 00:35:06,403 they said something else I couldn't really make out 593 00:35:06,405 --> 00:35:08,805 'cause it was all staticky and cutting out. 594 00:35:08,807 --> 00:35:11,575 So I said, "I can't understand you. 595 00:35:11,577 --> 00:35:13,410 You're breaking up. There's a bad connection." 596 00:35:13,412 --> 00:35:18,248 I said, "hello," again, and I was like, 597 00:35:18,250 --> 00:35:22,319 "you're breaking up. I can't, like, hear you." 598 00:35:22,321 --> 00:35:24,788 And so, finally I... 599 00:35:24,790 --> 00:35:27,324 trying to make out what they were saying and whatnot. 600 00:35:27,326 --> 00:35:30,827 And I decided I'm up. I'm gonna go get a cigarette. 601 00:35:30,829 --> 00:35:33,196 So, I got up, 602 00:35:33,198 --> 00:35:35,599 just talking to him, like, "hello, hello?" 603 00:35:35,601 --> 00:35:38,702 And then finally I'd walked out into the living room, 604 00:35:38,704 --> 00:35:41,338 and just as I got out in the living room, 605 00:35:41,340 --> 00:35:44,674 it became... the connection cleared up 606 00:35:44,676 --> 00:35:48,879 and the person on the other end was this very pleasant man. 607 00:35:48,881 --> 00:35:50,680 He was like, "hello." 608 00:35:50,682 --> 00:35:53,183 I was wondering If you could do me a favor." 609 00:35:53,185 --> 00:35:54,885 What kind of favor? 610 00:35:59,757 --> 00:36:02,159 Let me in. 611 00:36:02,161 --> 00:36:04,261 I freaked out. 612 00:36:04,263 --> 00:36:07,397 I was, like, there's a demon on the other end of my phone. 613 00:36:07,399 --> 00:36:08,932 I wanted nothing to do with this. 614 00:36:08,934 --> 00:36:11,368 So I threw my phone across the room 615 00:36:11,370 --> 00:36:13,637 and it broke into pieces, 616 00:36:13,639 --> 00:36:17,407 then everything around me just went into complete chaos. 617 00:36:17,409 --> 00:36:20,644 Then just like... almost like an earthquake hit. 618 00:36:20,646 --> 00:36:23,647 Like, everything was shaking and dark. 619 00:36:23,649 --> 00:36:25,782 My whole body started vibrating. 620 00:36:25,784 --> 00:36:27,651 It felt like something was trying 621 00:36:27,653 --> 00:36:30,787 to rip me out of myself, kind of like pull my soul out. 622 00:36:34,392 --> 00:36:36,893 You know, just trying to process this, 623 00:36:36,895 --> 00:36:38,795 like, what's going on, you know, 624 00:36:38,797 --> 00:36:40,830 just absolutely terrified. 625 00:36:40,832 --> 00:36:43,733 And so the only thing I could think to do 626 00:36:43,735 --> 00:36:45,535 was I just started praying. 627 00:36:45,537 --> 00:36:47,871 I was, like, "God, If you're there, help me." 628 00:36:47,873 --> 00:36:49,973 I don't know what's happening. 629 00:36:49,975 --> 00:36:51,942 Just, please, somebody help me." 630 00:36:51,944 --> 00:36:54,678 And as soon as I said that, 631 00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:57,280 I felt like somebody just grabbed me from behind, 632 00:36:57,282 --> 00:37:00,383 just, like, yanked me back, like, down the hall, 633 00:37:00,385 --> 00:37:02,819 and just, like, slammed me back into my body. 634 00:37:02,821 --> 00:37:04,721 And, like, I hit my body, 635 00:37:04,723 --> 00:37:07,791 and I, like, sat up instantly and, like, looked around, 636 00:37:07,793 --> 00:37:10,694 and was like, "did that just happen? 637 00:37:10,696 --> 00:37:12,729 Was that real?" 638 00:37:12,731 --> 00:37:15,265 And so the first thing I did was grab my phone, you know. 639 00:37:15,267 --> 00:37:17,767 I'm like looking through, "okay, who did I just talk to?" 640 00:37:17,769 --> 00:37:20,704 And, like, no... there was no missed calls 641 00:37:20,706 --> 00:37:23,740 or no answered calls or nothing, and I looked at the time, 642 00:37:23,742 --> 00:37:25,909 and it had only been, like, two minutes 643 00:37:25,911 --> 00:37:28,912 since I initially laid down to go to sleep. 644 00:37:28,914 --> 00:37:31,881 Um, I did tell my mom, 645 00:37:31,883 --> 00:37:34,351 and she just kind of told me I'm nuts. 646 00:37:34,353 --> 00:37:36,720 She's like, "it was a bad dream. It happens all the time." 647 00:37:36,722 --> 00:37:39,789 "No, mom. It wasn't a dream." 648 00:38:03,415 --> 00:38:07,717 I was in seventh or eighth grade, 649 00:38:07,719 --> 00:38:11,054 about '87 or '88. 650 00:38:11,056 --> 00:38:14,758 And I saw "a nightmare on elm street" 651 00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:18,662 with my mother, thank goodness, on cable. 652 00:38:18,664 --> 00:38:20,664 "And she was like, " Oh, my gosh! 653 00:38:20,666 --> 00:38:23,300 This is like our dreams," and I was like, "yeah, I know." 654 00:38:23,302 --> 00:38:25,869 So we definitely agreed on that. 655 00:38:25,871 --> 00:38:29,372 And I kept watching it because I wanted to find some clues, 656 00:38:29,374 --> 00:38:31,841 some answer to what was going on. 657 00:38:31,843 --> 00:38:34,077 And of course, they mention a little bit of myth 658 00:38:34,079 --> 00:38:37,714 in the movie but not enough to really research. 659 00:38:37,716 --> 00:38:41,384 Did you ever read about the balinese way of dreaming? 660 00:38:41,386 --> 00:38:43,987 No. 661 00:38:43,989 --> 00:38:46,890 They got this whole system they call dream skills. 662 00:38:46,892 --> 00:38:49,059 They get all their art and literature from dreams, 663 00:38:49,061 --> 00:38:50,860 just wake up and write it down. 664 00:38:50,862 --> 00:38:52,729 Dream skills. 665 00:38:52,731 --> 00:38:56,666 What If they made a monster in their dreams, then what? 666 00:39:03,774 --> 00:39:07,577 When I was... you know, we had hbo when I was little, 667 00:39:07,579 --> 00:39:10,480 and my dad was very liberal with letting us 668 00:39:10,482 --> 00:39:12,749 watch whatever we wanted to watch on hbo. 669 00:39:12,751 --> 00:39:18,388 Once he was watching a movie, and I just kind of wandered in. 670 00:39:18,390 --> 00:39:20,457 I didn't really know what the movie was. 671 00:39:20,459 --> 00:39:23,360 And then this, uh... 672 00:39:23,362 --> 00:39:26,129 Creature emerges from behind a dresser. 673 00:39:26,131 --> 00:39:28,398 And It's like... It's an alien. 674 00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:30,600 And It's like the... it was the movie "communion," 675 00:39:30,602 --> 00:39:33,470 with... what's his face? 676 00:39:33,472 --> 00:39:35,372 The guy who was in the dancing video. 677 00:39:35,374 --> 00:39:37,741 I don't know. Christopher walken. 678 00:39:37,743 --> 00:39:40,844 Yeah, exactly. Christopher walken. 679 00:39:40,846 --> 00:39:45,482 And when I saw that face... 680 00:39:45,484 --> 00:39:47,817 My mind immediately drew a parallel 681 00:39:47,819 --> 00:39:50,453 to the things I had experienced as a child, 682 00:39:50,455 --> 00:39:51,888 and I was petrified. 683 00:39:51,890 --> 00:39:54,157 I remember just being petrified. 684 00:39:54,159 --> 00:39:56,526 And... and then, you know... 685 00:39:56,528 --> 00:39:59,095 but I stayed watching as this, like, little kid. 686 00:40:03,768 --> 00:40:06,169 And, you know, these images I remember 687 00:40:06,171 --> 00:40:08,671 as incredibly shocking images to me, as a child. 688 00:40:08,673 --> 00:40:10,140 Because it was the first time 689 00:40:10,142 --> 00:40:12,642 that the kind of things that I had seen 690 00:40:12,644 --> 00:40:15,612 aligned with something that... 691 00:40:15,614 --> 00:40:19,149 that was known about or was explored. 692 00:40:19,151 --> 00:40:20,917 A bunch of people came over, and they're like, 693 00:40:20,919 --> 00:40:22,752 "let's watch this 'insidious' movie." 694 00:40:22,754 --> 00:40:24,654 And I was like, "yeah, sure, why not? 695 00:40:24,656 --> 00:40:28,491 "I don't care," and, like... about 20 minutes into the movie, 696 00:40:28,493 --> 00:40:31,494 I'm like, "this is about sleep paralysis, I'm pretty sure." 697 00:40:31,496 --> 00:40:33,530 I was like, "all right, that's kind of cool." 698 00:40:33,532 --> 00:40:36,433 Somebody made a horror movie about it." 699 00:40:36,435 --> 00:40:38,935 When, you know, the dude's, like, in the chair, 700 00:40:38,937 --> 00:40:43,206 he just goes into this world, and he's searching for the kid. 701 00:40:43,208 --> 00:40:45,208 They're pulling from so many different parts 702 00:40:45,210 --> 00:40:47,544 of sleep paralysis lore. 703 00:40:47,546 --> 00:40:49,512 The shadow man. 704 00:40:52,950 --> 00:40:56,653 I kept leaving my body. 705 00:40:56,655 --> 00:40:59,722 The night hag. The old hag. 706 00:40:59,724 --> 00:41:03,593 I sat there and, like, just kind of getting annoyed. 707 00:41:03,595 --> 00:41:05,662 I mean, I don't even know why. 708 00:41:05,664 --> 00:41:07,230 It wasn't like, "this movie sucks!" 709 00:41:07,232 --> 00:41:09,699 I mean, it was... it was okay. 710 00:41:09,701 --> 00:41:11,601 And then, all of a sudden, 711 00:41:11,603 --> 00:41:13,736 they do, like, the head shaking thing, 712 00:41:13,738 --> 00:41:16,506 like this, like, weird... 713 00:41:16,508 --> 00:41:19,108 it was in "Jacob's ladder," and it freaked me out. 714 00:41:19,110 --> 00:41:21,110 I was like, "that's exactly how it feels." 715 00:41:21,112 --> 00:41:25,114 And that was the first time I ever... 716 00:41:25,116 --> 00:41:29,719 I saw somebody represent what it feels like... 717 00:41:29,721 --> 00:41:32,255 or I guess, not what it feels like... 718 00:41:32,257 --> 00:41:34,591 what it feels like it looks like to be in it, 719 00:41:34,593 --> 00:41:36,693 like when I'm coming out, like, sometimes 720 00:41:36,695 --> 00:41:38,495 my jaw will, like, 721 00:41:38,497 --> 00:41:40,597 just fucking go back and forth real quick, 722 00:41:40,599 --> 00:41:43,600 or, like, my head will shoot from side to side. 723 00:41:43,602 --> 00:41:45,802 And It's what I imagine it looks like. 724 00:41:45,804 --> 00:41:49,606 Even my girlfriend, she was like, 725 00:41:49,608 --> 00:41:52,675 you know, "those weird head movements," 726 00:41:52,677 --> 00:41:55,845 like, that's kind of what It's like for me to watch, 727 00:41:55,847 --> 00:41:59,282 "you know, except not magically blurry." 728 00:41:59,284 --> 00:42:01,551 That's the sleep paralysis. Hey, It's got to be. 729 00:42:01,553 --> 00:42:04,687 Yeah, I had my own sleep paralysis episode, 730 00:42:04,689 --> 00:42:07,257 and, well, in that one, it was sort of like a classic 731 00:42:07,259 --> 00:42:08,925 three-dimensional, black shadow man, 732 00:42:08,927 --> 00:42:11,127 who came up in the woods behind my house, 733 00:42:11,129 --> 00:42:13,897 leaned over my bed. 734 00:42:13,899 --> 00:42:17,233 And I think maybe a year or two later, 735 00:42:17,235 --> 00:42:19,536 I saw "natural born killers." 736 00:42:19,538 --> 00:42:23,139 And there's a scene, and it goes by just in a flash, 737 00:42:23,141 --> 00:42:27,210 where that guy is, like, in the opening credits, 738 00:42:27,212 --> 00:42:31,848 coming through, like, this strange red tunnel, 739 00:42:31,850 --> 00:42:33,917 cloudy vortex thing. 740 00:42:33,919 --> 00:42:37,587 I think It's over the credit of "producer arnon milchan." 741 00:42:37,589 --> 00:42:39,956 But it went by in a flash, 742 00:42:39,958 --> 00:42:42,325 and it must have been kind of complicated 743 00:42:42,327 --> 00:42:44,193 to call into existence. 744 00:42:44,195 --> 00:42:46,229 So I was like, "why was that there?" 745 00:42:46,231 --> 00:42:48,798 And I still didn't know what sleep paralysis was. 746 00:42:48,800 --> 00:42:51,334 I didn't know that anyone else had had it. 747 00:42:51,336 --> 00:42:54,671 So I saw that and almost kind of took it as a message, 748 00:42:54,673 --> 00:42:57,674 like, "the people who made this film" 749 00:42:57,676 --> 00:42:59,909 had the same experience that I did." 750 00:42:59,911 --> 00:43:04,347 And It's kind of like a signal to me 751 00:43:04,349 --> 00:43:07,684 in some... some strange, scary way. 752 00:43:07,686 --> 00:43:08,818 No, It's true. 753 00:43:08,820 --> 00:43:10,353 It was kind of the same as a child. 754 00:43:10,355 --> 00:43:11,688 It was very validating. 755 00:43:20,831 --> 00:43:23,700 I never thought it was my mind playing tricks on me. 756 00:43:23,702 --> 00:43:26,936 I just knew something bad was always happening to me. 757 00:43:26,938 --> 00:43:30,673 And I didn't... I didn't know what to do about it. 758 00:43:30,675 --> 00:43:32,709 I've prayed my whole life. I still pray. 759 00:43:32,711 --> 00:43:34,978 I'm a very spiritual person. 760 00:43:34,980 --> 00:43:37,714 However, praying never made it go away, 761 00:43:37,716 --> 00:43:40,650 even when I was within the attack. 762 00:43:40,652 --> 00:43:45,722 I would pray within the attack, and still, no help. 763 00:43:45,724 --> 00:43:48,625 I started exercising, started eating better, 764 00:43:48,627 --> 00:43:50,994 cut back on caffeine and doing all that kind of stuff, 765 00:43:50,996 --> 00:43:54,831 and just no matter what I did, though, it was... 766 00:43:54,833 --> 00:43:57,000 it had absolutely no effect on the sleep paralysis, 767 00:43:57,002 --> 00:44:00,236 and it just kept happening night after night after night. 768 00:44:00,238 --> 00:44:03,006 I finally decided to go to one of these ladies 769 00:44:03,008 --> 00:44:05,942 that read cards, and she Says, 770 00:44:05,944 --> 00:44:07,877 "I can't look into your house." 771 00:44:07,879 --> 00:44:09,379 I'm trying to look into your house, 772 00:44:09,381 --> 00:44:15,385 "but I see this black shadow over it." 773 00:44:15,387 --> 00:44:17,220 I thought I was abducted by aliens 774 00:44:17,222 --> 00:44:20,223 for a long time, years, years and years and years. 775 00:44:20,225 --> 00:44:22,692 Before I went to bed every night, 776 00:44:22,694 --> 00:44:25,061 I would lay in my bed and close my eyes 777 00:44:25,063 --> 00:44:27,864 and just pray, "not tonight, not tonight, 778 00:44:27,866 --> 00:44:30,266 not tonight, not tonight, not tonight, not tonight." 779 00:44:30,268 --> 00:44:32,669 And I would just repeat it over and over and over in my head, 780 00:44:32,671 --> 00:44:34,904 as If I had some kind of psychic bond 781 00:44:34,906 --> 00:44:37,940 with my alien abductors 782 00:44:37,942 --> 00:44:41,744 and that I could communicate with them telepathically, 783 00:44:41,746 --> 00:44:45,048 and just plead with them, to make tonight not the night 784 00:44:45,050 --> 00:44:47,684 that they would come back and do that to me. 785 00:44:50,120 --> 00:44:52,155 Over the years, I would find 786 00:44:52,157 --> 00:44:55,091 different mechanisms to avoid sleep paralysis. 787 00:44:55,093 --> 00:44:59,762 I noticed that it wouldn't happen every night 788 00:44:59,764 --> 00:45:01,264 If certain requirements were met, 789 00:45:01,266 --> 00:45:03,166 like, If I would... 790 00:45:03,168 --> 00:45:05,802 like, there would be, like, a TV in my room. 791 00:45:05,804 --> 00:45:08,271 And If I left it on, for some reason 792 00:45:08,273 --> 00:45:11,207 it was easier for me not to get hit by the paralysis. 793 00:45:11,209 --> 00:45:14,077 And, you know, younger me thought it was 794 00:45:14,079 --> 00:45:15,912 maybe that little high-pitched noise, 795 00:45:15,914 --> 00:45:17,780 tv's make when you leave them on, 796 00:45:17,782 --> 00:45:19,782 so I would leave it on overnight on mute 797 00:45:19,784 --> 00:45:21,484 for that little high-pitched noise. 798 00:45:21,486 --> 00:45:24,754 Eventually, that stopped working after about a year. 799 00:45:24,756 --> 00:45:26,789 So I decided, like, "you know what?" 800 00:45:26,791 --> 00:45:29,492 If one TV worked, what about two?" 801 00:45:29,494 --> 00:45:34,497 And I used to collect junk, so tv's, like, were plentiful. 802 00:45:34,499 --> 00:45:37,400 And two worked for a little while. 803 00:45:37,402 --> 00:45:41,070 And I just escalated with that for a while, 804 00:45:41,072 --> 00:45:45,842 'cause I'm pretty smart, apparently. 805 00:45:45,844 --> 00:45:49,378 No, it made me look like a crazy person until one day, 806 00:45:49,380 --> 00:45:52,749 I realized that even If this was a problem, 807 00:45:52,751 --> 00:45:55,518 this was not a functional way of, like, dealing with it. 808 00:45:55,520 --> 00:45:59,055 So I just removed all the tv's at that point from my room, 809 00:45:59,057 --> 00:46:02,425 and, you know, all it did was leave me 810 00:46:02,427 --> 00:46:06,095 with a much stronger and more elaborate sleep paralysis. 811 00:46:06,097 --> 00:46:08,498 And that's kind of the thing that I've realized 812 00:46:08,500 --> 00:46:11,300 is If you have it every day 813 00:46:11,302 --> 00:46:13,770 and you have multiple episodes a day, 814 00:46:13,772 --> 00:46:16,539 it will kind of learn how to adapt to you. 815 00:46:16,541 --> 00:46:21,277 Like, If you try to, like, avoid it, it will find you, 816 00:46:21,279 --> 00:46:23,846 and it will make it happen somehow. 817 00:46:43,100 --> 00:46:46,836 And another time, 818 00:46:46,838 --> 00:46:49,972 I actually felt it go on the bed. 819 00:46:49,974 --> 00:46:51,808 You know, it was as If It's climbing up. 820 00:46:51,810 --> 00:46:54,877 I was laying there, and it came here. 821 00:46:54,879 --> 00:46:56,412 I just closed my eyes. 822 00:47:13,530 --> 00:47:15,898 And it was on top of me, 823 00:47:15,900 --> 00:47:17,533 and it was... 824 00:47:17,535 --> 00:47:19,602 It's like I was having sex with this thing. 825 00:47:31,615 --> 00:47:34,483 And I said, "Oh, my God, this can't be real." 826 00:47:34,485 --> 00:47:36,552 This can't be real." 827 00:47:36,554 --> 00:47:39,088 This demonic thing, and I don't know, 828 00:47:39,090 --> 00:47:40,623 why am I feeling this? 829 00:47:40,625 --> 00:47:43,426 What else is gonna happen next? But it happened. 830 00:47:43,428 --> 00:47:45,094 Did you see anything? 831 00:47:45,096 --> 00:47:47,930 I didn't see anything. It was just the feeling. 832 00:47:47,932 --> 00:47:49,632 And then it was gone again. 833 00:47:55,539 --> 00:47:58,941 A lot of firsts all happened in one night. 834 00:47:58,943 --> 00:48:00,610 When the pain started happening, 835 00:48:00,612 --> 00:48:02,178 the hallucinations got more vivid, 836 00:48:02,180 --> 00:48:05,882 and I started to be able to be interacted with. 837 00:48:10,654 --> 00:48:14,290 And I go directly into this very, you know, lucid dream. 838 00:48:14,292 --> 00:48:18,361 I remember the architecture of this world, 839 00:48:18,363 --> 00:48:22,164 of this dream, it was just very angular, 840 00:48:22,166 --> 00:48:23,606 and I'm just kind of walking on it. 841 00:48:26,670 --> 00:48:29,105 There were, like, stairs that went down to places 842 00:48:29,107 --> 00:48:31,308 that they should have thought out a little bit better. 843 00:48:40,918 --> 00:48:42,385 As I was walking around, 844 00:48:42,387 --> 00:48:45,321 I remember a kid that I was friends with 845 00:48:45,323 --> 00:48:47,356 growing up in elementary school, 846 00:48:47,358 --> 00:48:49,058 my only friend from elementary school 847 00:48:49,060 --> 00:48:51,294 comes up to me, and his name was Danny. 848 00:48:51,296 --> 00:48:56,198 And behind him is this gigantic dude 849 00:48:56,200 --> 00:49:00,336 with really crazy orange hair. 850 00:49:00,338 --> 00:49:04,407 And Danny Says, "this is him. Can I go now?" 851 00:49:04,409 --> 00:49:06,108 And he just leaves the guy with me. 852 00:49:10,380 --> 00:49:13,683 And he repeats, "you know who I am." 853 00:49:13,685 --> 00:49:17,320 I start thinking of like, I don't know you, I don't. 854 00:49:17,322 --> 00:49:19,622 I start listing places. "Do I know you from school? 855 00:49:19,624 --> 00:49:23,159 "Do I know you from McDonald's?" 856 00:49:23,161 --> 00:49:25,061 'Cause I used to work at McDonald's. 857 00:49:25,063 --> 00:49:27,163 "Do I remember you from the comic book depot?" 858 00:49:27,165 --> 00:49:29,231 Which was my comic book store. 859 00:49:29,233 --> 00:49:31,667 And he just keeps on going, 860 00:49:31,669 --> 00:49:36,339 "no. But you know who I am." One last time. 861 00:49:36,341 --> 00:49:39,041 And then the entire world just disappears, 862 00:49:39,043 --> 00:49:42,111 and I'm in the strongest sleep-paralysis episode 863 00:49:42,113 --> 00:49:43,245 I've ever had in my life. 864 00:49:43,247 --> 00:49:45,982 Like, I cannot move. 865 00:49:45,984 --> 00:49:48,150 Like, I can't even try to force myself out of it. 866 00:49:48,152 --> 00:49:50,286 Like, that little wiggle room I get sometimes 867 00:49:50,288 --> 00:49:52,288 just wasn't there. 868 00:49:52,290 --> 00:49:55,458 And it felt like I was completely constrained, 869 00:49:55,460 --> 00:49:57,393 you know, fully, 870 00:49:57,395 --> 00:49:59,662 to the point where I'm just trying to breathe, 871 00:49:59,664 --> 00:50:02,231 because I don't know what else to do. 872 00:50:02,233 --> 00:50:04,433 Immediately after that dream drops, 873 00:50:04,435 --> 00:50:07,203 and everything's gone, he kind of fizzles away. 874 00:50:12,142 --> 00:50:14,710 And this was the first experience with pain. 875 00:50:14,712 --> 00:50:16,212 If I had to describe it, 876 00:50:16,214 --> 00:50:18,481 picture like a claw-machine game. 877 00:50:18,483 --> 00:50:22,051 You know, three... three little things. 878 00:50:22,053 --> 00:50:24,020 And that's when the pain starts coming. 879 00:50:34,131 --> 00:50:36,766 The worst one is when It's around, like, 880 00:50:36,768 --> 00:50:38,234 you know, my fucking dick. 881 00:50:50,814 --> 00:50:53,816 And I still felt the pain after I woke up. 882 00:50:56,453 --> 00:50:59,121 I did not go back to sleep that night, 883 00:50:59,123 --> 00:51:00,823 I remember, and I think I just played 884 00:51:00,825 --> 00:51:02,358 video games until the morning 885 00:51:02,360 --> 00:51:04,293 and kind of questioned my existence. 886 00:51:04,295 --> 00:51:06,362 Like, I just remember being like, 887 00:51:06,364 --> 00:51:09,298 "and this is different now, and now it hurts, 888 00:51:09,300 --> 00:51:12,134 and now there's a dude talking to me." 889 00:51:12,136 --> 00:51:14,403 And, like, I... 890 00:51:14,405 --> 00:51:17,239 that was kind of when I started to feel a little crazy. 891 00:51:17,241 --> 00:51:20,476 Like, I started to feel like something was definitely wrong. 892 00:51:20,478 --> 00:51:22,344 Was it me? Maybe. 893 00:51:22,346 --> 00:51:24,480 Was it something supernatural? Maybe. 894 00:51:24,482 --> 00:51:26,682 I immediately stopped being an atheist. 895 00:51:30,754 --> 00:51:35,257 And sometimes they're very, um... articulate, 896 00:51:35,259 --> 00:51:37,460 like that one was when I was a little boy, 897 00:51:37,462 --> 00:51:39,395 and They'll be like, "Oh, I can talk to you, 898 00:51:39,397 --> 00:51:42,231 and I know your name," and this and that. 899 00:51:42,233 --> 00:51:46,102 And sometimes, they're just, like, gobbledygooking, 900 00:51:46,104 --> 00:51:47,870 just, "blah, blah, blah," 901 00:51:47,872 --> 00:51:50,272 like they don't have the capability to speak anymore. 902 00:51:50,274 --> 00:51:53,409 When I was older and I went back to the house 903 00:51:53,411 --> 00:51:55,111 and was staying there... 904 00:51:55,113 --> 00:51:56,645 I mean, I hated going back to that house. 905 00:51:56,647 --> 00:51:58,681 You know, I had other bad experiences there, 906 00:51:58,683 --> 00:52:02,151 and so I hated going back there. I hated sleeping there. 907 00:52:02,153 --> 00:52:03,886 I would usually... If I go back there and visit, 908 00:52:03,888 --> 00:52:06,155 I leave the TV on 909 00:52:06,157 --> 00:52:08,624 because It's just such an overwhelming force. 910 00:52:08,626 --> 00:52:11,160 So I fell asleep, and I had this nightmare. 911 00:52:12,195 --> 00:52:13,562 And then I woke up, 912 00:52:13,564 --> 00:52:15,564 and then I woke up in a sleep paralysis. 913 00:52:15,566 --> 00:52:17,566 And I was like, "Oh, hmm," you know? 914 00:52:17,568 --> 00:52:19,535 But I was so put off by the dream 915 00:52:19,537 --> 00:52:21,403 that I wasn't immediately shocked by the state 916 00:52:21,405 --> 00:52:24,306 of sleep paralysis, which normally is what it does. 917 00:52:24,308 --> 00:52:26,242 And I can kind of see it out of the corner of my eyes, 918 00:52:26,244 --> 00:52:27,576 that there was this man 919 00:52:27,578 --> 00:52:29,278 standing down at the end of my bed, 920 00:52:29,280 --> 00:52:31,514 kind of like this schlumpy old man. 921 00:52:35,185 --> 00:52:37,486 That's too young for some reason. 922 00:52:37,488 --> 00:52:39,355 Maybe It's his posture. 923 00:52:39,357 --> 00:52:43,359 And I'm like, "huh," like, "that's weird." 924 00:52:43,361 --> 00:52:47,429 So I'm lying there, and there's this man 925 00:52:47,431 --> 00:52:51,300 down at the end of the bed, and he Says to me, 926 00:52:51,302 --> 00:52:53,936 "he Says, " forrest... 927 00:52:53,938 --> 00:52:57,473 You just came all over your mother's sheets." 928 00:52:57,475 --> 00:53:01,577 You just masturbated all over your mother's bed sheets. 929 00:53:01,579 --> 00:53:05,681 You're disgusting! A pervert. 930 00:53:05,683 --> 00:53:09,285 And I had not masturbated that night, I will say. 931 00:53:09,287 --> 00:53:12,354 But his voice was immediately familiar. 932 00:53:12,356 --> 00:53:14,957 As the voice that talked to me as a child. 933 00:53:14,959 --> 00:53:17,359 The same voice. It was like... 934 00:53:17,361 --> 00:53:20,229 it was like as If, you know, 935 00:53:20,231 --> 00:53:22,398 you get a phone call from a relative 936 00:53:22,400 --> 00:53:24,300 or somebody you haven't talked to in a while, 937 00:53:24,302 --> 00:53:27,269 run into an old friend and hear their voice first, 938 00:53:27,271 --> 00:53:28,971 and you recognize the voice. 939 00:53:28,973 --> 00:53:30,906 You haven't heard it for a long time. 940 00:53:30,908 --> 00:53:32,575 But you know it. It's that person. 941 00:53:32,577 --> 00:53:33,977 And I had that experience, I'm like, 942 00:53:33,978 --> 00:53:36,679 "Oh, It's that voice. That man." 943 00:53:36,681 --> 00:53:39,949 I've seen him two or three more times 944 00:53:39,951 --> 00:53:42,351 in that physical incarnation. 945 00:53:42,353 --> 00:53:47,489 But I've also had, like, times where I've seen people, 946 00:53:47,491 --> 00:53:49,425 that have approached me the same way 947 00:53:49,427 --> 00:53:52,528 and I've felt like, "yes, that's him." 948 00:53:52,530 --> 00:53:54,930 Like, I... it was a different body, 949 00:53:54,932 --> 00:53:58,601 but it was that same entity that was talking to me. 950 00:54:00,670 --> 00:54:02,504 We had a friend staying over. 951 00:54:02,506 --> 00:54:04,273 We had people over that night, 952 00:54:04,275 --> 00:54:06,242 and we had a one-bedroom tiny apartment. 953 00:54:06,244 --> 00:54:09,645 So we're all kind of crammed into my bed. 954 00:54:09,647 --> 00:54:12,982 And I remember I had... 955 00:54:14,985 --> 00:54:16,952 Um, gone to sleep. 956 00:54:16,954 --> 00:54:19,688 You know, the two girls, they were asleep. 957 00:54:19,690 --> 00:54:22,291 You know, they were out like a light. 958 00:54:22,293 --> 00:54:24,693 Almost immediately, the paralysis hits. 959 00:54:24,695 --> 00:54:27,563 Normal paralysis. Completely normal. 960 00:54:27,565 --> 00:54:30,966 You know, situation, like, stereotypical dark room, 961 00:54:30,968 --> 00:54:34,536 but in this, there's a really tall entity, 962 00:54:34,538 --> 00:54:38,307 like, you know, If the room's eight feet tall, 963 00:54:38,309 --> 00:54:39,908 he is an eight-foot-tall dude with a hunch. 964 00:54:39,910 --> 00:54:42,645 Like, he is not fitting in this room. 965 00:54:42,647 --> 00:54:46,048 And they were red eyes. This is what I remember. 966 00:54:46,050 --> 00:54:48,884 And very mothman type shit, actually. 967 00:54:48,886 --> 00:54:50,552 And it starts talking to me. 968 00:54:50,554 --> 00:54:52,655 He repeats, "you know who I am." 969 00:54:52,657 --> 00:54:54,456 You know who I am. 970 00:54:54,458 --> 00:54:56,725 You don't know who I am. 971 00:54:56,727 --> 00:54:59,962 Right now, but I know you. 972 00:54:59,964 --> 00:55:02,698 And you know me. 973 00:55:05,303 --> 00:55:08,537 You... Are going to die. 974 00:55:17,882 --> 00:55:20,382 I just had this horrible experience, 975 00:55:20,384 --> 00:55:22,451 you know, and, you know, I believed it. 976 00:55:22,453 --> 00:55:24,054 I believed that this thing was telling me 977 00:55:24,055 --> 00:55:25,587 it was gonna kill me. 978 00:55:25,589 --> 00:55:27,489 I'm going to die. 979 00:55:27,491 --> 00:55:29,658 And I'm sitting here feeling bad for her 980 00:55:29,660 --> 00:55:32,394 that she's freaking out, and I'm trying to calm her down. 981 00:55:32,396 --> 00:55:34,430 I figure out she has this... I figured she had a sleep terror 982 00:55:34,432 --> 00:55:36,932 or something like that, and she's telling me 983 00:55:36,934 --> 00:55:39,435 that on her chest, she saw something on her chest, 984 00:55:39,437 --> 00:55:42,371 a cat with red eyes, and it was looking at me 985 00:55:42,373 --> 00:55:45,708 and talking in a language that she couldn't understand. 986 00:55:45,710 --> 00:55:50,045 Like, it was on top of her but threatening me. 987 00:55:58,388 --> 00:56:01,056 And the second she said it had red eyes, 988 00:56:01,058 --> 00:56:03,625 I just, liked, freaked out. 989 00:56:03,627 --> 00:56:06,128 Like, I was just... I, like... 990 00:56:06,130 --> 00:56:08,497 I remember this was during a time of my life 991 00:56:08,499 --> 00:56:10,966 where I was like, "maybe I am crazy. It's fine." 992 00:56:10,968 --> 00:56:12,735 And then this happened. 993 00:56:12,737 --> 00:56:14,970 And then it immediately affirmed I thought I was gonna be dead. 994 00:56:14,972 --> 00:56:17,072 Like, I was like, "Oh, I'm going to die." 995 00:56:17,074 --> 00:56:22,010 And, like, shit like that immediately makes me 996 00:56:22,012 --> 00:56:24,680 want to be like, "fuck, like, regular life." 997 00:56:24,682 --> 00:56:26,115 Like... sorry about the language. 998 00:56:26,117 --> 00:56:27,950 When things like that happen, 999 00:56:27,952 --> 00:56:30,586 It's very hard for me to be like, 1000 00:56:30,588 --> 00:56:32,654 "yeah, I'm just gonna go get a normal job 1001 00:56:32,656 --> 00:56:34,390 and, like, live my life." 1002 00:56:34,392 --> 00:56:36,112 Like, I'm like, "I want to figure this out." 1003 00:56:47,704 --> 00:56:50,439 Any idea why it happens to you 1004 00:56:50,441 --> 00:56:52,474 more than other people? 1005 00:56:52,476 --> 00:56:54,109 I have no idea. 1006 00:56:54,111 --> 00:56:58,480 I mean, I guess, you know, It's all presumption, 1007 00:56:58,482 --> 00:57:00,449 but, you know, you could assume 1008 00:57:00,451 --> 00:57:01,650 that maybe it had something to do 1009 00:57:01,652 --> 00:57:04,119 with being such a young child, 1010 00:57:04,121 --> 00:57:07,489 you know, and having such a profound experience. 1011 00:57:07,491 --> 00:57:10,426 You know, It's kind of like when you see something 1012 00:57:10,428 --> 00:57:12,161 for the first time, you know what it is. 1013 00:57:12,163 --> 00:57:14,630 You know, you go to sea world and see a killer whale, 1014 00:57:14,632 --> 00:57:16,598 and you've never seen it before, 1015 00:57:16,600 --> 00:57:19,001 and now you know what a killer whale is. 1016 00:57:19,003 --> 00:57:23,605 I read the very few websites out there about it, 1017 00:57:23,607 --> 00:57:26,909 and I didn't really learn anything new, 1018 00:57:26,911 --> 00:57:29,745 except for, there is a chemical, 1019 00:57:29,747 --> 00:57:32,080 Melatonin, that goes into your system, 1020 00:57:32,082 --> 00:57:33,715 and is released upon sleep 1021 00:57:33,717 --> 00:57:35,851 that's supposed to paralyze you. 1022 00:57:35,853 --> 00:57:39,087 And I was like, "okay, maybe this could be medical." 1023 00:57:39,089 --> 00:57:42,891 But again, there was never an explanation 1024 00:57:42,893 --> 00:57:44,827 for the shadow man 1025 00:57:44,829 --> 00:57:47,696 except for hypnagogic hallucinations, 1026 00:57:47,698 --> 00:57:49,064 which is a nice word 1027 00:57:49,066 --> 00:57:50,933 that the doctors like to throw around, 1028 00:57:50,935 --> 00:57:53,001 but it really means you just imagined it. 1029 00:57:53,003 --> 00:57:55,938 My guess is we conceptualize things in our unconscious, 1030 00:57:55,940 --> 00:57:58,974 based on, like, snippets of information 1031 00:57:58,976 --> 00:58:00,976 that we picked up along the road somehow. 1032 00:58:00,978 --> 00:58:03,512 If I came from an Evangelical community 1033 00:58:03,514 --> 00:58:05,047 where they really believed in evil demons, 1034 00:58:05,049 --> 00:58:07,950 maybe my immediate association from my unconscious 1035 00:58:07,952 --> 00:58:09,751 as I'm rising out of sleep, would've been like, 1036 00:58:09,753 --> 00:58:11,653 "Oh, shit, It's the devil!" 1037 00:58:11,655 --> 00:58:13,555 Yeah, that's interesting. 1038 00:58:13,557 --> 00:58:16,058 Although, I wonder If you look at your own reaction 1039 00:58:16,060 --> 00:58:18,560 to your experiences as similar in a way. 1040 00:58:18,562 --> 00:58:20,929 Yeah, you're absolutely right. Like, that's true. 1041 00:58:20,931 --> 00:58:23,632 Of course. Like, also my unconscious is like, 1042 00:58:23,634 --> 00:58:25,667 "what is the scientific explanation for this? 1043 00:58:25,669 --> 00:58:28,537 There must be a reason that has to do with logic." 1044 00:58:28,539 --> 00:58:30,739 So, yeah, of course I leapt for that, too. 1045 00:58:30,741 --> 00:58:32,941 I can see it just as easily there's the commonality 1046 00:58:32,943 --> 00:58:35,944 of human experience, like, how our brains and our hearts 1047 00:58:35,946 --> 00:58:38,680 and our personalities function, like, we're all people. 1048 00:58:38,682 --> 00:58:40,015 Why wouldn't we see similar things? 1049 00:58:40,017 --> 00:58:42,084 Like, we're not different species. 1050 00:58:42,086 --> 00:58:44,887 Why wouldn't we have similar go-to archetypes in our brain? 1051 00:58:44,889 --> 00:58:46,588 So jungian. 1052 00:58:46,590 --> 00:58:49,958 But it can't entirely be born from you. 1053 00:58:49,960 --> 00:58:52,761 You know, that's to say that everybody has in them 1054 00:58:52,763 --> 00:58:55,831 the capability of bringing out these horrible things 1055 00:58:55,833 --> 00:58:57,833 before they've even witnessed anything horrible. 1056 00:59:00,970 --> 00:59:03,038 It's one of my theories, 1057 00:59:03,040 --> 00:59:06,575 that we're actually running our brain, 1058 00:59:06,577 --> 00:59:08,977 we're kind of overclocking it, you know, more than we would 1059 00:59:08,979 --> 00:59:11,780 when we're just sleeping or just awake. 1060 00:59:11,782 --> 00:59:15,284 And that kind of heightened sense of perception, 1061 00:59:15,286 --> 00:59:20,322 while we as humans... Can't really... 1062 00:59:20,324 --> 00:59:22,090 we can't interpret it. 1063 00:59:22,092 --> 00:59:25,127 Like, we're still not, you know, interpreting it right, 1064 00:59:25,129 --> 00:59:27,062 but now we're seeing the raw data. 1065 00:59:27,064 --> 00:59:29,831 We're seeing, you know, "Oh, that could be a demon." 1066 00:59:29,833 --> 00:59:31,800 I don't know how to visualize a demon, 1067 00:59:31,802 --> 00:59:35,771 because that's not a thing that my brain can interpret. 1068 00:59:35,773 --> 00:59:38,040 And, I mean, I actually kind of believe 1069 00:59:38,042 --> 00:59:40,075 that probably a lot of people who do believe 1070 00:59:40,077 --> 00:59:43,045 that they have been abducted, were actually victims 1071 00:59:43,047 --> 00:59:45,714 of sleep paralysis of varying degrees. 1072 00:59:49,619 --> 00:59:51,987 And of course, reading more about sleep paralysis, 1073 00:59:51,989 --> 00:59:54,756 and realizing the prevalence of this experience, 1074 00:59:54,758 --> 00:59:58,927 you know, exists in every single culture in the world. 1075 01:00:01,966 --> 01:00:04,032 There are these common archetypes that keep popping up, 1076 01:00:04,034 --> 01:00:05,934 and all over the world. 1077 01:00:05,936 --> 01:00:07,769 Like, It's not just in America 1078 01:00:07,771 --> 01:00:09,738 people get these red-eyed demons. 1079 01:00:09,740 --> 01:00:12,074 And It's not... you know, they're everywhere. 1080 01:00:12,076 --> 01:00:14,142 You know, the shadow man... 1081 01:00:16,713 --> 01:00:17,946 The cats on the chest. 1082 01:00:22,619 --> 01:00:24,386 A giant cat that would come into somebody's house 1083 01:00:24,388 --> 01:00:26,088 while they were sleeping, hold them down... 1084 01:00:26,090 --> 01:00:28,657 It's like clawed... like teeth and claws. 1085 01:00:28,659 --> 01:00:30,826 Sometimes metal or like metal-ish. 1086 01:00:30,828 --> 01:00:32,661 Yeah, there are the ones in Turkey. 1087 01:00:32,663 --> 01:00:34,162 There's the ancient morse... 1088 01:00:34,164 --> 01:00:36,865 the ancient norse one, like, the mare. 1089 01:00:36,867 --> 01:00:40,736 And there are just so many. The haint, like "the haunt." 1090 01:00:42,939 --> 01:00:44,906 The hmong immigrants. 1091 01:00:44,908 --> 01:00:48,644 Subsequently, a lot of them died, 1092 01:00:48,646 --> 01:00:50,345 you know, from sleep paralysis. 1093 01:00:50,347 --> 01:00:52,314 Right, right, and I know Wes craven 1094 01:00:52,316 --> 01:00:54,082 read an article about them, 1095 01:00:54,084 --> 01:00:56,151 and that helped inspire "a nightmare on elm street" 1096 01:00:56,153 --> 01:00:58,253 and Freddy Krueger, which, you know, then went on 1097 01:00:58,255 --> 01:01:00,122 to create a weird feedback loop, 1098 01:01:00,124 --> 01:01:02,257 inspiring other people's nightmares 1099 01:01:02,259 --> 01:01:05,927 and sleep paralysis experiences. 1100 01:01:05,929 --> 01:01:11,133 So I had a dream about Freddy Krueger, 1101 01:01:11,135 --> 01:01:13,135 and he obviously wanted to kill me, 1102 01:01:13,137 --> 01:01:14,836 wanted to harm me, 1103 01:01:14,838 --> 01:01:16,238 wanted to scare the crap out of me, 1104 01:01:16,240 --> 01:01:20,108 and I believe that that fear... 1105 01:01:20,110 --> 01:01:22,244 Creates a substance, 1106 01:01:22,246 --> 01:01:26,882 and I got this black ink scared out of me, 1107 01:01:26,884 --> 01:01:29,084 like an ink fish. 1108 01:01:29,086 --> 01:01:32,220 And I believe that's what it eats. 1109 01:01:32,222 --> 01:01:35,891 The physicist michio kaku said that 1110 01:01:35,893 --> 01:01:38,226 maybe that we don't live in just one dimension, 1111 01:01:38,228 --> 01:01:40,896 that we live in multiple dimensions. 1112 01:01:40,898 --> 01:01:43,799 And If you imagine a block of flats 1113 01:01:43,801 --> 01:01:47,069 that as an infinite extension of yourself, 1114 01:01:47,071 --> 01:01:49,805 so it keeps adding to itself all the time 1115 01:01:49,807 --> 01:01:52,040 and never stops, and in every room 1116 01:01:52,042 --> 01:01:54,943 of this block of flats, 1117 01:01:54,945 --> 01:01:57,979 is an entire universe like ours. 1118 01:01:57,981 --> 01:01:59,915 Now, in every other room, 1119 01:01:59,917 --> 01:02:03,285 there must be another universe. 1120 01:02:03,287 --> 01:02:07,022 So, If that's true, 1121 01:02:07,024 --> 01:02:09,291 maybe some other us 1122 01:02:09,293 --> 01:02:12,227 have found our way into the hallway, 1123 01:02:12,229 --> 01:02:14,162 and are knocking on our door. 1124 01:02:30,046 --> 01:02:32,247 Ready, two. 1125 01:02:40,757 --> 01:02:44,760 Right after my mom died, I was very depressed. 1126 01:02:44,762 --> 01:02:46,528 And so I'd be crying. 1127 01:02:46,530 --> 01:02:49,064 You know, there was this one day I remember 1128 01:02:49,066 --> 01:02:53,201 that I had a breakdown, and I was crying a lot, a lot. 1129 01:02:53,203 --> 01:02:55,804 And then the next day, since I work night shift, 1130 01:02:55,806 --> 01:02:58,039 I came home, slept... you know, to sleep. 1131 01:02:58,041 --> 01:03:01,176 And then for some reason that day, 1132 01:03:01,178 --> 01:03:03,178 I wanted to sleep on my side. 1133 01:03:03,180 --> 01:03:07,282 So I slept on my side facing the door of the bedroom. 1134 01:03:07,284 --> 01:03:12,554 And all of a sudden, I felt my body getting numb. 1135 01:03:12,556 --> 01:03:14,856 I felt it getting paralyzed. 1136 01:03:14,858 --> 01:03:17,526 And I said, "Oh, my God. I'm getting this again." 1137 01:03:17,528 --> 01:03:20,228 But then it felt different. 1138 01:03:20,230 --> 01:03:22,097 I heard somebody walking. 1139 01:03:50,326 --> 01:03:53,195 This presence came around. 1140 01:03:53,197 --> 01:03:56,264 And it came behind me. I was like this. 1141 01:03:56,266 --> 01:03:59,201 It came behind me, and it hugged me. 1142 01:03:59,203 --> 01:04:02,137 And I heard the mattress depress also. 1143 01:04:02,139 --> 01:04:05,373 I heard that depress, like someone went in the bed. 1144 01:04:05,375 --> 01:04:08,543 And I felt it was my mother, and I heard her voice, 1145 01:04:08,545 --> 01:04:11,246 and she Says, "honey, I'm here. I'm here." 1146 01:04:11,248 --> 01:04:16,017 And it felt so different from that past presence, 1147 01:04:16,019 --> 01:04:18,153 because, you know, this was my mother. 1148 01:04:18,155 --> 01:04:19,988 It didn't feel evil. 1149 01:04:19,990 --> 01:04:22,090 It felt warm, and I was happy. 1150 01:04:22,092 --> 01:04:24,326 And I would talk to her. 1151 01:04:24,328 --> 01:04:26,228 It's like... through my mind I said, 1152 01:04:26,230 --> 01:04:28,330 "Oh, mommy, It's you. Oh, my God." 1153 01:04:28,332 --> 01:04:33,101 And she's hugging me tight saying, "I'm here, I'm here." 1154 01:04:33,103 --> 01:04:34,936 And that was just a matter of seconds, 1155 01:04:34,938 --> 01:04:36,905 all of a sudden, she was gone. 1156 01:04:36,907 --> 01:04:38,573 So I really... you know, 1157 01:04:38,575 --> 01:04:42,611 I think It's my mom that comes to visit us. 1158 01:04:42,613 --> 01:04:45,313 Does that still happen? 1159 01:04:45,315 --> 01:04:48,984 It happened, like, two or three times. 1160 01:04:48,986 --> 01:04:51,586 Because even though I feel It's her, 1161 01:04:51,588 --> 01:04:55,090 there's a part of me that sometimes Says, 1162 01:04:55,092 --> 01:04:56,925 "what If It's this thing?" 1163 01:04:56,927 --> 01:05:00,896 Because sometimes when I have felt her, 1164 01:05:00,898 --> 01:05:03,198 all of a sudden, then it kind of switches, 1165 01:05:03,200 --> 01:05:06,601 and then I do feel, like, If there's another presence. 1166 01:05:06,603 --> 01:05:09,204 And then I don't know If It's this thing again 1167 01:05:09,206 --> 01:05:11,907 that used to haunt me back then 1168 01:05:11,909 --> 01:05:14,943 or If it is still her even though it does feel different. 1169 01:05:14,945 --> 01:05:16,611 I can tell the difference in both of them, 1170 01:05:16,613 --> 01:05:18,947 and I have said, "who are you?" 1171 01:05:18,949 --> 01:05:20,615 But of course, I don't get an answer. 1172 01:05:20,617 --> 01:05:22,617 And then it just lasts for a few seconds, 1173 01:05:22,619 --> 01:05:24,552 and It's gone. 1174 01:05:33,629 --> 01:05:36,231 The one that stands out above all others, 1175 01:05:36,233 --> 01:05:37,966 it happened one night 1176 01:05:37,968 --> 01:05:40,035 when me and my girlfriend went to bed, 1177 01:05:40,037 --> 01:05:43,672 and it was around 10:00, and I wasn't really tired. 1178 01:05:43,674 --> 01:05:46,975 So I played on my phone for a bit, 1179 01:05:46,977 --> 01:05:48,677 a game on the phone, 1180 01:05:48,679 --> 01:05:51,112 and I must have fallen asleep. 1181 01:05:58,120 --> 01:06:01,523 When I woke up, I stood at the side of my bed, 1182 01:06:01,525 --> 01:06:04,426 in a very oppressive atmosphere. 1183 01:06:04,428 --> 01:06:06,394 I can't describe the atmosphere to you, 1184 01:06:06,396 --> 01:06:08,330 unless you were there. 1185 01:06:08,332 --> 01:06:10,465 I mean, I've never experienced it before 1186 01:06:10,467 --> 01:06:13,001 and I've never experienced it again like that. 1187 01:06:13,003 --> 01:06:17,539 It's a kind of a very staticky... 1188 01:06:17,541 --> 01:06:20,375 Uh, just presence of evil. 1189 01:06:20,377 --> 01:06:23,011 And as I turned to my left, 1190 01:06:23,013 --> 01:06:28,083 I see my girlfriend in bed, and I see me in bed. 1191 01:06:28,085 --> 01:06:31,486 And now I'm confused, but I also see my eyes open, 1192 01:06:31,488 --> 01:06:35,023 and then I heard myself labored breathing, 1193 01:06:35,025 --> 01:06:37,459 which is what I do when I have a sleep paralysis attack. 1194 01:06:37,461 --> 01:06:42,263 I'm shocked, scared, and... 1195 01:06:42,265 --> 01:06:45,300 I don't know... I don't know what's going on. 1196 01:06:45,302 --> 01:06:47,335 I'm confused more than anything. 1197 01:06:47,337 --> 01:06:49,137 I can't... I can't think straight. 1198 01:06:49,139 --> 01:06:50,638 I don't know what's going on. 1199 01:06:50,640 --> 01:06:54,576 And almost instantly, as I'm thinking that, 1200 01:06:54,578 --> 01:06:58,146 I can see three beings over in this corner of the room. 1201 01:07:04,153 --> 01:07:06,221 There's no looking me up and down 1202 01:07:06,223 --> 01:07:09,157 and seeing who I am and what I'm doing there. 1203 01:07:09,159 --> 01:07:12,260 They... the two generic shadow people, 1204 01:07:12,262 --> 01:07:14,095 they advance on me straightaway. 1205 01:07:17,299 --> 01:07:20,101 A grapple ensued between me and them. 1206 01:07:26,308 --> 01:07:29,344 I'd like to say it was a noble fight, 1207 01:07:29,346 --> 01:07:32,414 that I had to really put my foot down and win, 1208 01:07:32,416 --> 01:07:34,182 but it wasn't. 1209 01:07:34,184 --> 01:07:37,419 They just retreated straightaway 1210 01:07:37,421 --> 01:07:40,488 when I put resistance up behind the hat man. 1211 01:07:40,490 --> 01:07:42,590 And the hat man shielded them. 1212 01:07:42,592 --> 01:07:46,161 And I had no intention of going forward 1213 01:07:46,163 --> 01:07:47,595 to investigate any more. 1214 01:07:47,597 --> 01:07:50,498 All I know is that I have to get back in bed, 1215 01:07:50,500 --> 01:07:54,402 that some sort of... some voice in my head saying 1216 01:07:54,404 --> 01:07:57,105 and my own voice saying, "get back in bed." 1217 01:07:57,107 --> 01:08:01,109 And as I turned, I can see a long silver thread, 1218 01:08:01,111 --> 01:08:05,480 for want of a better word, that's going towards my body. 1219 01:08:05,482 --> 01:08:09,784 And I decide that now I have gotta get back into bed. 1220 01:08:09,786 --> 01:08:13,154 And just as I decide that, I shoot up in bed. 1221 01:08:13,156 --> 01:08:16,391 There's no in between, 1222 01:08:16,393 --> 01:08:18,259 going back in my body or whatever. 1223 01:08:18,261 --> 01:08:19,861 It's just I'm there. 1224 01:08:19,863 --> 01:08:22,530 I sit straight up, and I go downstairs 1225 01:08:22,532 --> 01:08:24,299 into the kitchen, get a drink, 1226 01:08:24,301 --> 01:08:27,335 and I'm instantly hit by the fear and guilt, 1227 01:08:27,337 --> 01:08:29,537 that I've left her on her own upstairs. 1228 01:08:29,539 --> 01:08:31,272 Because they're still in that room. 1229 01:08:31,274 --> 01:08:32,807 I know they're still in that room. 1230 01:08:32,809 --> 01:08:36,244 And as I go back upstairs, I sit in bed, 1231 01:08:36,246 --> 01:08:37,846 and I stay up all night. 1232 01:08:37,848 --> 01:08:40,215 And It's like I'm on watch. 1233 01:09:06,876 --> 01:09:09,177 They just wanted me really bad. 1234 01:09:11,847 --> 01:09:14,549 I remember I was just sort of laying in my bed, 1235 01:09:14,551 --> 01:09:18,286 and then there's now the loud noise, 1236 01:09:18,288 --> 01:09:20,588 and, Oh, I hate the sound of the noise. 1237 01:09:20,590 --> 01:09:23,525 It's, like, almost like spirits or demons, 1238 01:09:23,527 --> 01:09:25,460 like, kind of like screaming at you. 1239 01:09:25,462 --> 01:09:28,196 - - So then you hear, like... 1240 01:09:28,198 --> 01:09:30,832 It's almost like a buzzing that starts, 1241 01:09:30,834 --> 01:09:33,935 and then I can sense a presence, 1242 01:09:33,937 --> 01:09:36,471 right... like, standing over me. 1243 01:09:36,473 --> 01:09:39,374 Just standing right here next to me 1244 01:09:39,376 --> 01:09:41,543 on my bed standing over me. 1245 01:09:43,846 --> 01:09:45,213 Then you hear, like, this sound. 1246 01:09:45,215 --> 01:09:46,614 It's like... it feels like 1247 01:09:46,616 --> 01:09:49,484 somebody's screaming right in your ear, 1248 01:09:49,486 --> 01:09:52,287 like they're right here, and they're screaming. 1249 01:10:06,502 --> 01:10:08,603 And I can sense the color red, 1250 01:10:08,605 --> 01:10:12,307 as If they were wearing something red 1251 01:10:12,309 --> 01:10:16,911 or like a dark red robe or something red. 1252 01:10:16,913 --> 01:10:20,949 And I tried to look at the face, but I couldn't. 1253 01:10:20,951 --> 01:10:23,918 Like, every inch, every centimeter 1254 01:10:23,920 --> 01:10:26,955 feels like over a ton. 1255 01:10:26,957 --> 01:10:30,425 And so I'm trying to move, and I wanna see it, 1256 01:10:30,427 --> 01:10:32,393 and I'm looking, like straining to look up, 1257 01:10:32,395 --> 01:10:34,262 straining to look up. 1258 01:10:34,264 --> 01:10:36,631 I could... I could barely move my head. 1259 01:10:36,633 --> 01:10:40,568 It was almost going like this, like... 1260 01:10:40,570 --> 01:10:45,373 and then, like, I think I said something. 1261 01:10:45,375 --> 01:10:47,008 I just said, "I remember this guy." 1262 01:10:47,010 --> 01:10:48,543 His name is Jesus, 1263 01:10:48,545 --> 01:10:50,478 and I'm gonna use his name right now. 1264 01:10:50,480 --> 01:10:52,380 And I'm gonna say, 'in Jesus' name, 1265 01:10:52,382 --> 01:10:56,451 "you know, get out, " or... I said something to that effect. 1266 01:10:56,453 --> 01:10:58,353 Jesus... 1267 01:11:02,691 --> 01:11:04,425 Jesus... 1268 01:11:06,695 --> 01:11:09,697 In Jesus' name... 1269 01:11:09,699 --> 01:11:14,869 In Jesus' name... Get out. 1270 01:11:18,607 --> 01:11:22,410 And I suddenly sensed that the demons, 1271 01:11:22,412 --> 01:11:24,712 or the thing that was happening to me, 1272 01:11:24,714 --> 01:11:29,317 that evil presence just left. Gone. 1273 01:11:29,319 --> 01:11:31,452 And it was amazing. 1274 01:11:31,454 --> 01:11:34,822 It was like a feeling of victory, yeah. 1275 01:11:34,824 --> 01:11:36,958 And they never came back? 1276 01:11:36,960 --> 01:11:40,361 They never came back. I wasn't even a Christian then. 1277 01:11:40,363 --> 01:11:42,730 I actually abhorred religion. 1278 01:11:42,732 --> 01:11:44,565 I didn't want... 1279 01:11:44,567 --> 01:11:46,601 some lady a long time ago told me 1280 01:11:46,603 --> 01:11:49,337 I should marry a Christian man, and I just laughed in her face. 1281 01:11:49,339 --> 01:11:52,940 Anyways, I learned very late in my life 1282 01:11:52,942 --> 01:11:54,842 that the name of Jesus has power, 1283 01:11:54,844 --> 01:11:58,546 and that's how I became a Christian. 1284 01:11:58,548 --> 01:12:02,717 So do you not... 1285 01:12:02,719 --> 01:12:06,354 do you believe in the Wikipedia definition 1286 01:12:06,356 --> 01:12:08,656 of sleep paralysis? 1287 01:12:08,658 --> 01:12:09,924 No. 1288 01:12:09,926 --> 01:12:13,928 Um, that would be sort of like the... 1289 01:12:13,930 --> 01:12:17,799 I guess, the... the worldly term, 1290 01:12:17,801 --> 01:12:19,901 like, what people would deem as something 1291 01:12:19,903 --> 01:12:23,404 that's a physiological response, 1292 01:12:23,406 --> 01:12:25,540 that It's like a natural thing that happens with the body. 1293 01:12:25,542 --> 01:12:28,910 But I don't think that's true. 1294 01:12:28,912 --> 01:12:32,347 I do think that It's something to do 1295 01:12:32,349 --> 01:12:34,916 with the spiritual realm. 1296 01:12:34,918 --> 01:12:39,787 And It's closely tied with possibly demonic activity. 1297 01:12:39,789 --> 01:12:41,689 At 33 years old, 1298 01:12:41,691 --> 01:12:43,758 I don't think It's gonna get any better for me. 1299 01:12:43,760 --> 01:12:45,493 I've experienced it most of my life, 1300 01:12:45,495 --> 01:12:46,594 If not all my life. 1301 01:12:46,596 --> 01:12:48,429 I know what It's like. 1302 01:12:48,431 --> 01:12:51,766 I don't believe that this is just a rare occurrence. 1303 01:12:51,768 --> 01:12:55,470 I think It's... I think none of us are special 1304 01:12:55,472 --> 01:12:57,705 that have this happen to them. 1305 01:12:57,707 --> 01:13:01,843 There's no reason why we should have this happen to us, so... 1306 01:13:01,845 --> 01:13:05,446 but I'd like to know how many other people 1307 01:13:05,448 --> 01:13:08,850 out there experience this. 1308 01:13:08,852 --> 01:13:10,685 I know there are quite a few, 1309 01:13:10,687 --> 01:13:13,454 but I think there's a lot more. 1310 01:13:21,830 --> 01:13:25,166 Hey, everybody, It's Connie here, 1311 01:13:25,168 --> 01:13:28,169 A.K.A. Phoenixrising11. 1312 01:13:28,171 --> 01:13:30,471 Thank you for joining me. 1313 01:13:30,473 --> 01:13:33,107 I first wanna start out by saying that, 1314 01:13:33,109 --> 01:13:36,611 I'm about to tell you a very personal story, 1315 01:13:36,613 --> 01:13:39,680 and If you get weirded out easily 1316 01:13:39,682 --> 01:13:41,783 or you're not that open-minded... 1317 01:13:41,785 --> 01:13:44,652 So you made a pretty powerful YouTube video 1318 01:13:44,654 --> 01:13:46,421 about your experience. 1319 01:13:46,423 --> 01:13:48,423 Do you watch a lot of other people's 1320 01:13:48,425 --> 01:13:50,758 sleep paralysis videos? 1321 01:13:50,760 --> 01:13:55,563 I don't really like to listen... 1322 01:13:55,565 --> 01:13:57,532 I haven't seen a lot of other people's 1323 01:13:57,534 --> 01:13:59,667 sleep paralysis videos. 1324 01:13:59,669 --> 01:14:02,703 Although people do send me their stuff, 1325 01:14:02,705 --> 01:14:04,505 I just am not in a place 1326 01:14:04,507 --> 01:14:08,810 to want to listen to that kind of stuff anymore. 1327 01:14:08,812 --> 01:14:09,944 I don't know why. 1328 01:14:09,946 --> 01:14:11,813 I feel like It's just... 1329 01:14:11,815 --> 01:14:16,684 It's kind of like that's the past, 1330 01:14:16,686 --> 01:14:18,786 and I'm not in that space anymore. 1331 01:14:18,788 --> 01:14:21,756 You know, I found faith, and I met my husband, 1332 01:14:21,758 --> 01:14:25,693 and I never thought I'd get married, and... 1333 01:14:25,695 --> 01:14:28,629 So you're actually trying not to think too much 1334 01:14:28,631 --> 01:14:30,031 about sleep paralysis anymore. 1335 01:14:30,033 --> 01:14:34,535 Yeah, yeah, I mean, why? For what, you know? 1336 01:14:57,025 --> 01:14:59,794 Um... 1337 01:14:59,796 --> 01:15:01,963 I was, uh... 1338 01:15:01,965 --> 01:15:03,931 Dating a girl who was pretty crazy. 1339 01:15:03,933 --> 01:15:06,567 She was kind of really into being very nature-y. 1340 01:15:06,569 --> 01:15:08,002 Not like a hippie, but kind of like 1341 01:15:08,004 --> 01:15:12,673 a crazy wood spirit nymph was kind of her vibe. 1342 01:15:12,675 --> 01:15:15,943 A lot of her clothes were, like, stitched together. 1343 01:15:15,945 --> 01:15:17,845 She was crazy. 1344 01:15:17,847 --> 01:15:21,282 She would do things like, say, start walking out 1345 01:15:21,284 --> 01:15:23,084 in the middle of an incredibly busy street, 1346 01:15:23,086 --> 01:15:24,819 and I would try and stop her, and she'd be like, 1347 01:15:24,821 --> 01:15:26,754 "no, no, the spirits are guiding me," 1348 01:15:26,756 --> 01:15:28,990 with her eyes closed. 1349 01:15:28,992 --> 01:15:31,893 I can't believe she survived. 1350 01:15:31,895 --> 01:15:35,563 So she was definitely on the cusp of something. 1351 01:15:35,565 --> 01:15:37,031 So was I. 1352 01:15:37,033 --> 01:15:39,000 We were both really living in the fringes 1353 01:15:39,002 --> 01:15:42,036 of sanity at that time. 1354 01:15:42,038 --> 01:15:45,973 And we went up to a cabin 1355 01:15:45,975 --> 01:15:50,778 that my dad has in the bay of fundy in Canada. 1356 01:15:50,780 --> 01:15:54,048 And we were walking out in the woods. 1357 01:15:54,050 --> 01:15:56,984 And it was getting dark. It was kind of dusk. 1358 01:15:56,986 --> 01:15:59,987 So she said, "let's build a stone circle", 1359 01:15:59,989 --> 01:16:01,856 because we'd just gone to a pebble beach. 1360 01:16:01,858 --> 01:16:04,959 So we took our pebbles and laid them all down. 1361 01:16:04,961 --> 01:16:07,662 And then we decided to be receptive, 1362 01:16:07,664 --> 01:16:09,030 If you know what that means. 1363 01:16:14,903 --> 01:16:16,704 And so she, like, closed her eyes 1364 01:16:16,706 --> 01:16:18,739 and she was, like, standing like this, 1365 01:16:18,741 --> 01:16:21,742 and I was just kind of standing there like this. 1366 01:16:21,744 --> 01:16:24,451 - And suddenly she goes, "Oh, something's coming." 1367 01:16:24,477 --> 01:16:26,013 - She's coming! She's coming! 1368 01:16:26,015 --> 01:16:27,882 And she had her eyes closed, 1369 01:16:27,884 --> 01:16:30,985 and so she was not... could not see anything, 1370 01:16:30,987 --> 01:16:32,653 and I was looking, and it was like 1371 01:16:32,655 --> 01:16:35,022 she was listening and I was looking. 1372 01:16:35,024 --> 01:16:38,326 And I looked into the forest, and, um... 1373 01:16:40,963 --> 01:16:44,098 Out came this blue form. 1374 01:16:44,100 --> 01:16:47,602 It started approaching, this very, very blue thing. 1375 01:16:47,604 --> 01:16:50,104 Like, it had the same quality as the black things 1376 01:16:50,106 --> 01:16:52,907 that we talked about, but blue, peaceful, 1377 01:16:52,909 --> 01:16:54,842 just really, like, nice. 1378 01:16:54,844 --> 01:16:57,111 And she's like, "Oh, she's blue." 1379 01:16:57,113 --> 01:16:58,779 She said, "she's blue." 1380 01:16:58,781 --> 01:17:01,115 Eyes closed, you know, like this. 1381 01:17:01,117 --> 01:17:02,817 And it came and approached, 1382 01:17:02,819 --> 01:17:04,819 and then it just kind of stood still, 1383 01:17:04,821 --> 01:17:07,021 and it was maybe, like, six feet over there. 1384 01:17:07,023 --> 01:17:09,624 I'm getting goosebumps just thinking about this. 1385 01:17:09,626 --> 01:17:12,393 And here's my girlfriend, and she's just laughing a lot, 1386 01:17:12,395 --> 01:17:14,662 like, "Oh, she's saying the funniest things." 1387 01:17:14,664 --> 01:17:16,697 Like, just crazy. It was really crazy and weird. 1388 01:17:25,374 --> 01:17:27,642 "And she goes, " Oh, 1389 01:17:27,644 --> 01:17:30,911 she Says not to be worried about the demons behind you." 1390 01:17:30,913 --> 01:17:33,080 And I was like, "what?" 1391 01:17:33,082 --> 01:17:35,383 And I turned around. 1392 01:17:38,787 --> 01:17:40,021 And I saw them. 1393 01:17:47,129 --> 01:17:49,797 That same face. The face that people see 1394 01:17:49,799 --> 01:17:51,732 when they're abducted by aliens. 1395 01:17:51,734 --> 01:17:54,368 The face that I saw as a small child. 1396 01:17:58,373 --> 01:18:00,374 And then in that moment, 1397 01:18:00,376 --> 01:18:05,680 I suddenly had this, like, kind of realization. 1398 01:18:09,885 --> 01:18:11,352 'Cause it wasn't, like, linguistic. 1399 01:18:11,354 --> 01:18:13,120 I didn't hear anybody talking to me, 1400 01:18:13,122 --> 01:18:15,389 but I felt a thought in my head, 1401 01:18:15,391 --> 01:18:18,025 something external, and it was all about how, um... 1402 01:18:20,729 --> 01:18:22,763 Fear empowers bad things. 1403 01:18:25,767 --> 01:18:28,803 To have fear when you're in a bad environment 1404 01:18:28,805 --> 01:18:30,771 or a bad place or around a bad thing 1405 01:18:30,773 --> 01:18:33,474 only gives that thing more strength. 1406 01:18:39,347 --> 01:18:41,916 What that kind of made me begin to realize 1407 01:18:41,918 --> 01:18:44,051 is that, you know, here I'm hearing these voices, 1408 01:18:44,053 --> 01:18:46,420 and they're disembodied, confused, 1409 01:18:46,422 --> 01:18:49,390 schizophrenic ghosts, you know, 1410 01:18:49,392 --> 01:18:51,492 yeah, those are people. 1411 01:18:51,494 --> 01:18:53,094 Maybe they're dead. Maybe they're alive. 1412 01:18:53,096 --> 01:18:55,062 I don't know. 1413 01:18:55,064 --> 01:18:56,897 But then the other things, 1414 01:18:56,899 --> 01:19:00,501 the black, cloudy thing, these gray things, 1415 01:19:00,503 --> 01:19:05,873 um, those are something more primal, 1416 01:19:05,875 --> 01:19:09,777 something more just environmental. 1417 01:19:09,779 --> 01:19:11,779 And when I came to that realization, I'm like, 1418 01:19:11,781 --> 01:19:13,781 well, does it have to be any one thing? 1419 01:19:13,783 --> 01:19:18,786 And shortly thereafter, the blue spirit, 1420 01:19:18,788 --> 01:19:22,323 uh, dissipated into the woods. 1421 01:19:22,325 --> 01:19:26,093 And then we went back to, you know, the cabin, 1422 01:19:26,095 --> 01:19:28,796 and that was that. 1423 01:19:28,798 --> 01:19:30,865 You're talking about something that happens 1424 01:19:30,867 --> 01:19:33,000 at the absolute edges of dreaming. 1425 01:19:33,002 --> 01:19:34,368 Like, you can't explain dreams. 1426 01:19:34,370 --> 01:19:36,537 You can't explain them logically. 1427 01:19:36,539 --> 01:19:38,005 They're all little bits and pieces 1428 01:19:38,007 --> 01:19:39,340 that come up from your unconsciousness, 1429 01:19:39,342 --> 01:19:41,242 and from things you've experienced, 1430 01:19:41,244 --> 01:19:44,145 and who knows how the sleeping mind puts things together? 1431 01:19:44,147 --> 01:19:45,780 And now you're talking about an experience 1432 01:19:45,782 --> 01:19:47,081 that happens in that in-between stage. 1433 01:19:47,083 --> 01:19:48,816 It's so liminal. 1434 01:19:48,818 --> 01:19:52,853 You can't put logic onto liminal situations. 1435 01:19:52,855 --> 01:19:55,356 I need you to also understand 1436 01:19:55,358 --> 01:19:57,925 that I was in an abusive household. 1437 01:19:57,927 --> 01:20:01,195 I believe because I was beaten so much during the day, 1438 01:20:01,197 --> 01:20:04,865 that at night, my soul had to heal 1439 01:20:04,867 --> 01:20:06,867 to keep me here. 1440 01:20:06,869 --> 01:20:09,270 That's why I had to get through the fourth dimension, 1441 01:20:09,272 --> 01:20:13,007 and that's why I had to go somewhere else to be healed, 1442 01:20:13,009 --> 01:20:16,377 so that I could come back and deal with my life. 1443 01:20:16,379 --> 01:20:18,946 I knew absolutely nothing about sleep paralysis 1444 01:20:18,948 --> 01:20:21,348 until I was told about it. 1445 01:20:21,350 --> 01:20:26,987 And then I, almost instantly, began experiencing it. 1446 01:20:26,989 --> 01:20:31,025 I don't believe, like, the medical explanation to it, 1447 01:20:31,027 --> 01:20:34,161 the physiological stuff, just a sleep disorder. 1448 01:20:34,163 --> 01:20:36,197 There's got to be way more to it. 1449 01:20:36,199 --> 01:20:40,034 I told my one friend about it when I was just talking, 1450 01:20:40,036 --> 01:20:42,303 I was like, "have you ever heard of sleep paralysis?" 1451 01:20:42,305 --> 01:20:45,406 She's like, "no," and so I shared my experience. 1452 01:20:45,408 --> 01:20:48,142 And then the next day, she's texting me. 1453 01:20:48,144 --> 01:20:51,278 She's like, "I hate you. I hate you." 1454 01:20:51,280 --> 01:20:54,982 Whatever you were telling me about happening to you, 1455 01:20:54,984 --> 01:20:56,884 now It's starting to happen to me." 1456 01:21:05,327 --> 01:21:09,964 Kind of like an std, "sleep-transmitted disease." 1457 01:21:14,202 --> 01:21:16,470 There was an experience during this time 1458 01:21:16,472 --> 01:21:18,038 that I actually did think I died. 1459 01:21:18,040 --> 01:21:19,506 Whole dream's going fine. 1460 01:21:19,508 --> 01:21:22,076 I don't really know what we're doing. 1461 01:21:22,078 --> 01:21:24,445 It's one of those three-, four-day-feeling type dreams. 1462 01:21:24,447 --> 01:21:28,115 I'm just kind of existing in it, sort of enjoying it. 1463 01:21:28,117 --> 01:21:31,085 And all of a sudden, like, somebody knocks at the door. 1464 01:21:33,222 --> 01:21:36,423 It's, like, two homeless dudes. And they're trying to get in, 1465 01:21:36,425 --> 01:21:39,293 and I'm trying to tell them, "listen, we're at capacity. 1466 01:21:39,295 --> 01:21:41,996 We're at capacity for homeless people in my weird dream town." 1467 01:21:46,968 --> 01:21:50,271 There's a guy on roller blades in the background, very '90s. 1468 01:21:50,273 --> 01:21:53,040 And I wasn't thinking, but he, like, turns, 1469 01:21:53,042 --> 01:21:55,142 and he starts roller-blading towards me. 1470 01:21:55,144 --> 01:21:58,913 And I'm like, "that's awesome. He's gonna come into play here." 1471 01:21:58,915 --> 01:22:01,181 This is cool. 1472 01:22:01,183 --> 01:22:03,623 I'm probably gonna wake up soon 'cause It's all evaporating." 1473 01:22:08,056 --> 01:22:11,926 And as he gets really close, he just pulls out a gun. 1474 01:22:11,928 --> 01:22:13,961 And then I'm in the paralysis. 1475 01:22:13,963 --> 01:22:16,130 But It's not a paralysis I've ever felt before. 1476 01:22:16,132 --> 01:22:19,133 It's just nothing. I don't see anything. 1477 01:22:19,135 --> 01:22:22,937 I don't feel anything. I'm just nothing. 1478 01:22:22,939 --> 01:22:25,039 So I guess maybe this is an afterlife. 1479 01:22:25,041 --> 01:22:26,340 And I was like, "nah, probably not. 1480 01:22:26,342 --> 01:22:28,142 Maybe I'm in a coma." 1481 01:22:28,144 --> 01:22:30,244 And I'm starting to think sleep paralysis 1482 01:22:30,246 --> 01:22:31,578 probably finally fucked me. 1483 01:22:31,580 --> 01:22:33,280 Like, I'm probably done. 1484 01:22:33,282 --> 01:22:35,349 And I've probably stopped breathing, 1485 01:22:35,351 --> 01:22:37,117 and this is what happens when it happens, 1486 01:22:37,119 --> 01:22:39,353 like, I'm just nothingness. 1487 01:22:39,355 --> 01:22:42,189 And, like, five, ten minutes go by, 1488 01:22:42,191 --> 01:22:45,092 and I'm just like... get a little nervous, 1489 01:22:45,094 --> 01:22:46,493 but, like, at the same time, 1490 01:22:46,495 --> 01:22:49,029 I'm just kind of weirdly serene. 1491 01:22:49,031 --> 01:22:50,965 Like, "this sucks." 1492 01:22:50,967 --> 01:22:54,234 And... I remember thinking, 1493 01:22:54,236 --> 01:22:55,736 like, I'm gonna try to pull out of it. 1494 01:22:55,738 --> 01:22:57,504 Like, the same motion I would do 1495 01:22:57,506 --> 01:22:59,740 to pull out of sleep paralysis, 1496 01:22:59,742 --> 01:23:01,508 I'm gonna just try to emulate that. 1497 01:23:01,510 --> 01:23:04,178 And I try over and over and over again, 1498 01:23:04,180 --> 01:23:07,081 I mean, hundreds of times. 1499 01:23:07,083 --> 01:23:09,350 You know, just... but I'm getting somewhere, 1500 01:23:09,352 --> 01:23:14,254 and I remember I come up for, like, half a second. 1501 01:23:14,256 --> 01:23:16,123 And I can see my room. 1502 01:23:16,125 --> 01:23:17,992 It's like I can open my eyes a little bit, 1503 01:23:17,994 --> 01:23:20,160 but nothing's... there's nothing there anymore. 1504 01:23:20,162 --> 01:23:22,196 And It's almost like I'm just in bed 1505 01:23:22,198 --> 01:23:23,697 and the room is like... 1506 01:23:23,699 --> 01:23:25,766 all the details of the room are gone. 1507 01:23:25,768 --> 01:23:29,203 There's... I can see my now ex-girlfriend's dresser, 1508 01:23:29,205 --> 01:23:32,373 her little vanity, and there's nothing on it. 1509 01:23:32,375 --> 01:23:35,142 And I remember I called out her name, 1510 01:23:35,144 --> 01:23:36,677 and nobody came, 1511 01:23:36,679 --> 01:23:38,445 and then I was back in the paralysis. 1512 01:23:38,447 --> 01:23:40,414 And then it was another five, 1513 01:23:40,416 --> 01:23:44,385 ten minutes of pulling out, and then eventually I woke up. 1514 01:23:44,387 --> 01:23:48,055 And... She wasn't there. 1515 01:23:48,057 --> 01:23:52,426 Nobody was around, but... it just... 1516 01:23:52,428 --> 01:23:54,361 it was... it was the worst. 1517 01:23:54,363 --> 01:23:57,197 I just felt like I died. 1518 01:23:57,199 --> 01:23:59,767 You know, it became this kind for turning point for me 1519 01:23:59,769 --> 01:24:04,438 in, you know, just... 1520 01:24:04,440 --> 01:24:07,374 how I saw all this. 1521 01:24:07,376 --> 01:24:10,244 And I definitely didn't want that to happen ever again. 1522 01:24:10,246 --> 01:24:13,180 So how did that change your... 1523 01:24:13,182 --> 01:24:15,215 the way you saw all this? 1524 01:24:15,217 --> 01:24:18,719 It just... it... whereas before, 1525 01:24:18,721 --> 01:24:21,422 I felt like I was maybe, you know, 1526 01:24:21,424 --> 01:24:24,124 learning and exploring and it was, like, kind of fun, 1527 01:24:24,126 --> 01:24:26,326 it stopped being fun. 1528 01:24:26,328 --> 01:24:28,429 Like, It's not like I get to... 1529 01:24:28,431 --> 01:24:31,098 you know, people talk about astral projection 1530 01:24:31,100 --> 01:24:34,101 and all these, like, awesome-sounding things, 1531 01:24:34,103 --> 01:24:36,470 like how they get to fly around, 1532 01:24:36,472 --> 01:24:41,442 and, you know, I don't know, do cool things. 1533 01:24:41,444 --> 01:24:44,445 And I don't get that. I don't get, you know, those. 1534 01:24:44,447 --> 01:24:46,346 I just get these weird experiences 1535 01:24:46,348 --> 01:24:49,283 where I feel like, for a second, 1536 01:24:49,285 --> 01:24:52,419 I can see something that most people can't. 1537 01:24:52,421 --> 01:24:57,558 Like, there's what we see in the world... 1538 01:24:57,560 --> 01:25:00,694 And right behind it, you know, almost like... 1539 01:25:00,696 --> 01:25:03,497 It's like everything's cellophane-wrapped or something. 1540 01:25:03,499 --> 01:25:06,633 And for half a second, that... that wrapper's gone, 1541 01:25:06,635 --> 01:25:10,571 and I can see or perceive something 1542 01:25:10,573 --> 01:25:14,875 a little bit more real... or whatever real is... 1543 01:25:14,877 --> 01:25:16,443 and then It's gone. 1544 01:25:16,445 --> 01:25:18,679 But I can see it for that half a second. 1545 01:25:18,681 --> 01:25:21,315 And so no matter what fear or pain comes along with it, 1546 01:25:21,317 --> 01:25:23,684 I always get this experience, where, even If It's in my head, 1547 01:25:23,686 --> 01:25:25,519 It's made something interesting. 1548 01:25:25,521 --> 01:25:27,321 It's something that I can pull from 1549 01:25:27,323 --> 01:25:31,525 that makes my life almost kind of worth it, 1550 01:25:31,527 --> 01:25:33,327 which is, you know... for a long time, 1551 01:25:33,329 --> 01:25:36,597 is something I don't feel like I've ever had. 1552 01:25:36,599 --> 01:25:41,235 And It's gonna probably just keep getting worse, 1553 01:25:41,237 --> 01:25:43,403 and I truly believe that one day... 1554 01:25:43,405 --> 01:25:46,573 it will be the reason why, like, one day I don't wake up. 1555 01:25:46,575 --> 01:25:50,444 And one day I'm just... you know, I don't breathe, 1556 01:25:50,446 --> 01:25:52,579 I can't control the breathing, and It's done. 1557 01:25:56,484 --> 01:25:59,219 And I feel terrible for whoever I'm dating 1558 01:25:59,221 --> 01:26:01,488 or married to when that happens, 1559 01:26:01,490 --> 01:26:04,424 um, but I'm kind of ready for that now. 1560 01:26:04,426 --> 01:26:06,793 Chris. Hey, Chris. 1561 01:26:06,795 --> 01:26:08,495 You know, I'm ready for that to be, 1562 01:26:08,497 --> 01:26:11,565 you know, just kind of what happens to me. 1563 01:26:11,567 --> 01:26:16,236 But I would like to figure out a lot more about this 1564 01:26:16,238 --> 01:26:18,906 before that happens, and It's also made me feel 1565 01:26:18,908 --> 01:26:21,208 very comfortable with the idea. 1566 01:26:21,210 --> 01:26:23,477 Like, If something's happening, 1567 01:26:23,479 --> 01:26:27,648 that's more than... I'm just crazy. 1568 01:26:27,650 --> 01:26:29,583 Then something's happening.