1
00:00:57,023 --> 00:01:00,015
She's a real beauty, huh?
Yep, a real beaut.
2
00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:03,290
This car is for you. Now, let me guess.
3
00:01:03,530 --> 00:01:05,464
The man of the house
needs a second car
4
00:01:05,532 --> 00:01:07,693
so the little lady
can go to the garden club
5
00:01:07,767 --> 00:01:10,531
while he plays gin rummy
with the boys, huh?
6
00:01:10,970 --> 00:01:13,598
Actually, we need a car
so we can go rock climbing.
7
00:01:13,673 --> 00:01:16,369
Rock climbing?
Why would anybody go climb a rock?
8
00:01:16,443 --> 00:01:17,535
Man, things are changing.
9
00:01:17,610 --> 00:01:20,807
I remember when men were men
and women were gals
10
00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:22,871
and we'd call coloreds, coloreds.
11
00:01:22,949 --> 00:01:24,780
You know, actually,
I think we're gonna get going.
12
00:01:24,851 --> 00:01:28,412
Hey, come on, sweetie, don't be a bitch.
Let's talk some numbers here.
13
00:01:28,488 --> 00:01:30,285
Hey, hey, hey,
don't talk to my wife like that.
14
00:01:30,356 --> 00:01:35,350
Hey, boy, I fought in the big war.
I mean, nobody tells me what to do.
15
00:01:35,428 --> 00:01:36,918
You understand? Hold this.
16
00:01:38,531 --> 00:01:42,399
- Oh, my God.
- Audie Murphy, motherfucker.
17
00:01:44,437 --> 00:01:46,667
Somebody get Dick Lewiston off the lot.
18
00:01:46,739 --> 00:01:49,537
What's it matter anyways, Mr. Selleck?
No one's selling anything.
19
00:01:49,609 --> 00:01:53,875
- It's a damn killing field out there.
- Mr. Selleck, I think I made a sale.
20
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:57,439
- Terrific. Good job, Teddy.
- And he wants to pay in cash,
21
00:01:57,517 --> 00:02:00,281
non-sequential unmarked bills
neatly packed in this canvas bag.
22
00:02:00,353 --> 00:02:02,014
Well, that's a bank bag, Teddy.
23
00:02:04,491 --> 00:02:08,518
My eyes. My eyes. My LASIK.
24
00:02:08,595 --> 00:02:10,893
- Shit. Somebody call the cops.
- It burns!
25
00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:14,559
- Teddy, go flush your eyes out.
- I feel like a Smurf just jizzed in my face.
26
00:02:14,634 --> 00:02:16,261
We got to do something.
27
00:02:16,336 --> 00:02:20,534
I've had this lot 27 years,
and it's dying right before my eyes.
28
00:02:20,607 --> 00:02:23,235
We either do something drastic,
or we pull the plug.
29
00:02:23,309 --> 00:02:26,745
I'm thinking about calling a hotshot,
a weekend warrior.
30
00:02:27,380 --> 00:02:30,042
I was thinking about
calling a mercenary.
31
00:02:30,116 --> 00:02:31,208
What?
32
00:02:32,685 --> 00:02:35,984
- A mercenary?
- Hell, Zooha, I got no choice.
33
00:02:36,923 --> 00:02:40,324
The bank's crawling up my ass
for back payments.
34
00:02:40,393 --> 00:02:42,554
If we don't turn this thing around
by August,
35
00:02:42,629 --> 00:02:46,360
- this place is gonna be a TCBY.
- But a mercenary?
36
00:02:46,432 --> 00:02:48,024
All they do is sell cars and move on.
37
00:02:48,101 --> 00:02:50,661
There's no connection
to the community, Ben.
38
00:02:50,803 --> 00:02:53,567
Don't do this.
It hasn't gotten that bad, has it?
39
00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:57,337
Please, God,
forgive me for what I'm about to do.
40
00:03:07,687 --> 00:03:11,350
- By the way, great sale.
- Hear, hear.
41
00:03:11,424 --> 00:03:12,891
Very good.
42
00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:15,824
Thank you, darling.
43
00:03:15,895 --> 00:03:18,921
I don't know why, but I can't enjoy
breakfast anywhere but a strip club.
44
00:03:18,998 --> 00:03:21,364
My mom used to
always cook bacon naked.
45
00:03:21,434 --> 00:03:23,959
She would cook bacon all day long.
46
00:03:26,272 --> 00:03:29,537
Don "The Goods" Ready. Yes. Yeah.
47
00:03:31,678 --> 00:03:34,511
You want some cars sold.
We'll be there.
48
00:03:34,581 --> 00:03:38,915
Fourth of July weekend, three-day sale.
We got a dealership in the ICU.
49
00:03:38,985 --> 00:03:41,886
Two hundred and eleven cars
getting suntans on the lot.
50
00:03:41,955 --> 00:03:44,981
Guess what, fellas?
We're going to Temecula.
51
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:46,753
Fuck, Don.
52
00:03:46,826 --> 00:03:48,885
Honey, we just finished the last job
three hours ago.
53
00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:50,293
I still smell like customer.
54
00:03:50,363 --> 00:03:52,297
Don, I don't mean to complain,
55
00:03:52,365 --> 00:03:55,493
but it's been a year and a half
since I've been home.
56
00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:58,401
And I'm 90% sure
I left my front door open.
57
00:03:58,471 --> 00:04:00,769
I don't know, Don.
I think we sit this one out.
58
00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:02,967
You've been pushing us pretty hard
since 'Querque.
59
00:04:03,042 --> 00:04:05,533
Forget about 'Querque, all right?
60
00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:07,573
What do we do? We sell cars.
61
00:04:07,647 --> 00:04:10,514
What does a tiger do?
Hunts and kills prey.
62
00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:12,312
What else are we gonna do in this life?
63
00:04:12,385 --> 00:04:16,856
I need every swinging dick in that field.
Babs, come on. Let's do it.
64
00:04:25,632 --> 00:04:28,965
All right. We are headed
to Temecula, California.
65
00:04:29,035 --> 00:04:30,764
Population 98,000.
66
00:04:30,837 --> 00:04:34,864
It's a family business.
Owner, one Benjamin K. Selleck.
67
00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:37,637
Married 30 years to wife, Tammy.
68
00:04:37,710 --> 00:04:40,611
One daughter, lvy, age 29,
looks good in beat-up jeans.
69
00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:42,204
Yes, she does.
70
00:04:42,815 --> 00:04:47,275
One son named Peter, age 10,
loves robot dinosaurs and pizza night.
71
00:04:47,353 --> 00:04:49,981
Looks like 10-year-old Peter
got a five o'clock shadow.
72
00:04:50,056 --> 00:04:52,115
Yeah, it must be the fax ink.
73
00:04:52,191 --> 00:04:55,888
God bless the Hacienda Court,
but their fax service...
74
00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:58,522
- What are you doing, honey?
- Enjoying myself.
75
00:05:00,733 --> 00:05:02,997
Sir, there's no smoking on airplanes.
76
00:05:03,069 --> 00:05:06,869
I know. It's ridiculous, isn't it?
Don't worry about it, I'll be quick.
77
00:05:06,939 --> 00:05:10,102
Sir, if you light that,
I'll have to report you to the FAA.
78
00:05:11,778 --> 00:05:15,179
Stacey, do you know when the first
commercial flight went smokeless?
79
00:05:15,248 --> 00:05:17,375
- No.
- 1973.
80
00:05:17,450 --> 00:05:19,441
And did you know that in 1969,
81
00:05:19,519 --> 00:05:21,544
when smoking was allowed
on all flights,
82
00:05:21,621 --> 00:05:25,182
- we put a man on the moon?
- I had no idea.
83
00:05:25,858 --> 00:05:27,086
Look.
84
00:05:29,362 --> 00:05:30,989
You know what that is?
85
00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:34,932
That's a remnant of a better time,
but they welded it shut.
86
00:05:36,202 --> 00:05:37,635
And it starts with ashtrays,
87
00:05:37,704 --> 00:05:42,164
and it ends with all of our precious
freedoms being stripped away.
88
00:05:43,876 --> 00:05:46,140
I remember back in the day
when you got on a plane
89
00:05:46,212 --> 00:05:48,612
and you knew
you were in for a good time.
90
00:05:48,681 --> 00:05:50,808
- A little smoking, a little drinking.
- Yeah.
91
00:05:50,883 --> 00:05:52,714
And the stewardesses.
92
00:05:52,785 --> 00:05:58,621
Stacey, you come from a proud tradition
of blazing hot stewardesses.
93
00:06:00,126 --> 00:06:02,594
And now you can't do one damn thing
94
00:06:02,662 --> 00:06:06,723
without someone reporting you to
the Department of Homeland Security.
95
00:06:06,799 --> 00:06:07,891
- Am I right?
- That's right.
96
00:06:07,967 --> 00:06:10,401
- You listen to Don.
- I had to take my pants off
97
00:06:10,470 --> 00:06:12,700
and nibble my Old Spice
down to three ounces
98
00:06:12,772 --> 00:06:14,262
just to get on the plane, Stacey.
99
00:06:14,340 --> 00:06:16,001
They made me throw out
my mouthwash.
100
00:06:16,075 --> 00:06:17,599
I had to give up my bath jellies.
101
00:06:17,677 --> 00:06:19,406
They made me breastfeed
some old man.
102
00:06:19,479 --> 00:06:22,937
That's what I'm talking about.
But we don't have to take it, Stacey.
103
00:06:23,015 --> 00:06:25,108
Like Henry David Thoreau
and Rosa Parks
104
00:06:25,184 --> 00:06:27,379
and David Lee Roth
when he left Van Halen,
105
00:06:27,453 --> 00:06:30,251
we can say, "Enough. Enough injustice."
106
00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:33,383
And when you and I are old and gray,
we can look back on this
107
00:06:33,459 --> 00:06:36,690
and remember when we were
30,000 feet above God's green earth,
108
00:06:36,763 --> 00:06:41,427
and we smoked one,
we smoked one for America.
109
00:06:42,368 --> 00:06:43,460
Yeah.
110
00:06:48,975 --> 00:06:51,068
You motherfucker.
111
00:06:51,944 --> 00:06:53,434
Nice work. Nice work.
112
00:06:54,747 --> 00:06:56,214
Who are you?
113
00:06:56,949 --> 00:07:00,407
I'm Don Ready, and I got the goods.
114
00:07:05,558 --> 00:07:07,549
This is some killer kush.
115
00:07:11,798 --> 00:07:16,701
Nun pops her head out and says,
"Shit. Guess I got to gargle."
116
00:07:18,504 --> 00:07:23,441
Poor Don. It's like everything he does
is to make him forget about 'Querque.
117
00:07:23,509 --> 00:07:27,070
Takes a lot of pain to sell cars
the way that man does.
118
00:07:50,002 --> 00:07:53,062
- You're here from Selleck Motors?
- No, but my dad is.
119
00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:56,199
You're supposed to put the name of the
party you're picking up, not your own.
120
00:07:56,275 --> 00:07:57,765
I love the drawing, though.
121
00:07:57,844 --> 00:07:59,505
Yeah, I'm a really good drawer.
122
00:07:59,579 --> 00:08:01,547
I like to draw stomach muscles
the most.
123
00:08:01,614 --> 00:08:05,243
I can also draw Darth Vader's helmet.
I can also draw him.
124
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:09,311
I can draw a saber,
a lightsaber or a regular sword.
125
00:08:09,388 --> 00:08:10,787
It doesn't even matter.
126
00:08:10,857 --> 00:08:13,917
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Are you drunk?
127
00:08:14,594 --> 00:08:18,030
Are you retarded?
Because we're here to help you.
128
00:08:18,397 --> 00:08:22,834
Don't move. Dad, Amber Alert! Adult!
129
00:08:23,469 --> 00:08:27,098
Stranger danger! Stranger danger! Dad!
130
00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:29,664
Here, relax, Peter, okay? Take a swig.
131
00:08:29,742 --> 00:08:33,041
It looks like it wasn't the fax ink.
He's some sort of man-child.
132
00:08:33,112 --> 00:08:35,012
It's a pituitary problem, ma'am.
133
00:08:35,081 --> 00:08:38,209
He's 10,
in the developing body of an adult.
134
00:08:38,784 --> 00:08:42,777
I'm sorry, buddy. I am totally sorry.
Put it up here. High five.
135
00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:45,517
Good effort there. You must be Ben.
I'm Don Ready.
136
00:08:45,591 --> 00:08:47,786
- That's me.
- And this must be lvy.
137
00:08:47,994 --> 00:08:52,226
Wow! Can I ask you a quick question?
How much does a polar bear weigh?
138
00:08:53,232 --> 00:08:54,893
- No idea.
- Enough to break the ice.
139
00:08:54,967 --> 00:08:56,935
- Don Ready. How are you?
- Wow.
140
00:08:57,003 --> 00:08:59,233
- Went old-school with you.
- Impressive.
141
00:08:59,305 --> 00:09:02,638
I'm Babs.
And, yes, the rug matches the drapes.
142
00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:04,801
And this beautiful man is Jibby.
143
00:09:05,711 --> 00:09:07,110
- Hi.
- What's up?
144
00:09:07,179 --> 00:09:10,512
And who is this guy?
Well, you are a strapping young man.
145
00:09:10,583 --> 00:09:14,644
- Brent Gage, sir.
- Brent Gage, now that is a strong name.
146
00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:18,622
I don't know why, but right off the bat,
I like you a lot.
147
00:09:19,825 --> 00:09:21,486
What's going on?
148
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,586
Peter, let's help the crew
with their luggage.
149
00:09:23,663 --> 00:09:28,430
Awesome. Hold this, Dad. Transformer.
150
00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:31,730
Cute, isn't he?
151
00:09:32,271 --> 00:09:33,295
I'd fuck him.
152
00:09:33,372 --> 00:09:36,705
Hey, what is wrong with you, lady?
He is a child.
153
00:09:36,776 --> 00:09:37,970
We're only gonna be here
for three days,
154
00:09:38,044 --> 00:09:39,136
so try not to fall in love with me.
155
00:09:39,211 --> 00:09:41,179
I'm sorry, has a girl ever bought that?
156
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:42,612
I'm just, you know, buckshot approach.
157
00:09:42,682 --> 00:09:44,582
I'm just gonna keep firing
till I hit something.
158
00:09:44,650 --> 00:09:46,277
That's delightful.
159
00:09:47,353 --> 00:09:51,050
So, there was a kid up the street,
Chris Bamberger,
160
00:09:51,123 --> 00:09:54,490
had one of those brand-new,
tricked out Krazy Kruisers.
161
00:09:55,394 --> 00:09:57,658
Side brakes,
streamers off the handle grips.
162
00:09:57,730 --> 00:09:59,459
In other words, fully loaded.
163
00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:00,521
What am I driving?
164
00:10:01,834 --> 00:10:03,859
A fucking Hoppity Hip.
165
00:10:03,936 --> 00:10:06,871
Basically a balloon with a handle on it.
166
00:10:07,173 --> 00:10:09,198
It might as well have had
a bumper sticker on the back that said,
167
00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:10,970
"My parents don't work."
168
00:10:11,043 --> 00:10:14,877
So I walk up to him, hop up to him.
I introduce myself,
169
00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:17,472
and I say, "You seem like a cool guy."
170
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,346
"Why don't you have a Hoppity Hip?"
171
00:10:19,719 --> 00:10:22,711
You know? I tell him it's faster,
it's cooler.
172
00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:26,849
It's got the finger-molded hand grip,
double-enforced bouncing axis.
173
00:10:26,926 --> 00:10:30,726
I work this kid like a pro.
Walked him through the brochures.
174
00:10:30,796 --> 00:10:32,821
Offered him a bubble gum cigarette.
175
00:10:32,898 --> 00:10:35,696
Even threw in some night crawlers
to sweeten the deal.
176
00:10:36,335 --> 00:10:38,565
Bottom line is,
this kid was actually happy
177
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:41,129
to bounce around on the balloon,
178
00:10:41,207 --> 00:10:44,973
while I rode away on his brand-new,
tricked-out chopper.
179
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:49,209
I like to think that was my first sale.
180
00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:08,926
Right over there is Selleck Motors.
I thought you might want to take a look.
181
00:11:12,571 --> 00:11:16,029
Jesus, Ben,
looks like a refugee camp for dirty men.
182
00:11:16,909 --> 00:11:19,776
Looks like the bus station
in Total Recall.
183
00:11:22,415 --> 00:11:24,076
We're gonna fix your place up, Ben.
184
00:11:24,150 --> 00:11:26,050
We're gonna get you
a Creatable Inflatable,
185
00:11:26,118 --> 00:11:28,814
goddamn American flag,
balloons, all that shit.
186
00:11:28,888 --> 00:11:31,220
Plus, we need a radio and TV blitz,
187
00:11:31,290 --> 00:11:33,918
and we're gonna need to round up
a celebrity to make a lot appearance.
188
00:11:33,993 --> 00:11:35,517
I know just who to call.
189
00:11:35,594 --> 00:11:40,463
Now, let's hit the Hacienda Courts,
or as I like to call it, home.
190
00:11:58,818 --> 00:12:03,152
I mean, I paid for it.
It'd be disrespectful not to masturbate.
191
00:12:05,491 --> 00:12:09,655
All right, let's keep this anonymous.
Don't look at me. Don't look at me.
192
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,162
Don't even... Don't you look at me.
193
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:17,863
Yeah. Dawson's Creek.
James Van Der Beek, my nigger.
194
00:12:21,941 --> 00:12:25,138
Okay, Peter,
it's time to go sit in your big chair.
195
00:12:27,179 --> 00:12:29,739
Now, everybody dig in. Don't be shy.
196
00:12:29,815 --> 00:12:30,907
I'm sorry, Mrs. Selleck.
197
00:12:30,983 --> 00:12:34,749
I'm one of those rare birds that prefers
takeout over a home-cooked meal.
198
00:12:35,888 --> 00:12:39,415
Well, I got to tell you, Don,
that is flat-out weird and rude.
199
00:12:39,492 --> 00:12:41,483
But you do what you need to do.
200
00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:46,259
You know, Mr. Don Ready,
our lvy here actually left graduate school
201
00:12:46,332 --> 00:12:49,062
to come back and help us out
with little Peter.
202
00:12:49,135 --> 00:12:50,898
- Wow.
- That's the kind of girl she is.
203
00:12:51,403 --> 00:12:53,428
You can take the girl
out of Temecula, but...
204
00:12:53,506 --> 00:12:54,564
Hey, Brent.
205
00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:55,664
...you can't take Temecula
out of the girl.
206
00:12:55,741 --> 00:12:57,208
You see my wife over there?
207
00:12:58,277 --> 00:12:59,505
Yeah.
208
00:13:00,513 --> 00:13:02,447
It is a dead marriage.
209
00:13:03,482 --> 00:13:06,349
But, you know, you learn to live with it.
210
00:13:06,418 --> 00:13:11,947
You drive around, out at night,
windows down, music up.
211
00:13:13,225 --> 00:13:15,489
Some people call it cruising.
212
00:13:16,095 --> 00:13:19,223
Me, I call it looking for a friend.
213
00:13:19,932 --> 00:13:22,457
- Are you my friend, Brent?
- No.
214
00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:25,333
So tomorrow morning, our troops
will rendezvous with your troops
215
00:13:25,404 --> 00:13:28,703
at 0700, and then
I'll hit the floor for my intro speech,
216
00:13:28,774 --> 00:13:32,210
like a mountain lion
pouncing on an unsuspecting jogger.
217
00:13:32,278 --> 00:13:34,838
Make sure your underwear
is tight tomorrow,
218
00:13:34,914 --> 00:13:36,176
because you will have a boner.
219
00:13:39,251 --> 00:13:40,548
Amen.
220
00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:43,452
I like the sound of that. Right, Brent?
221
00:13:43,522 --> 00:13:46,355
By Tuesday, my friend,
you are back in the black.
222
00:13:46,425 --> 00:13:47,983
Well, hear, hear.
223
00:13:48,060 --> 00:13:49,994
Okay, Mr. Ready,
224
00:13:50,062 --> 00:13:53,793
this business has been in our family
for 40 years, so no sleazy stuff, okay?
225
00:13:53,866 --> 00:13:54,855
Don't worry about it, darling.
226
00:13:54,934 --> 00:13:57,368
We're not gonna break the rules.
We're just gonna bend them a little bit.
227
00:13:57,436 --> 00:14:00,405
Okay, okay. I just... I know your type.
228
00:14:00,472 --> 00:14:03,464
You know, it's all the thrill of the hunt.
I get it.
229
00:14:03,542 --> 00:14:06,602
I mean, you crave it. You corner it.
230
00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:09,045
But, Mr. Ready,
let me ask you a question.
231
00:14:09,114 --> 00:14:10,911
Do you know what to do
when you catch it?
232
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:18,790
- Are we talking about pussy?
- Oh, my stars. You didn't.
233
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:21,053
- That's what she was saying.
- Oh, my goodness!
234
00:14:21,126 --> 00:14:23,424
I'm sorry, I apologize.
I'm a Christian man,
235
00:14:23,495 --> 00:14:26,020
or whatever religion dominates
the region that I'm selling in,
236
00:14:26,098 --> 00:14:27,224
but you have to admit, it did sound like
237
00:14:27,299 --> 00:14:29,699
she was talking about
the big vajayjay, right?
238
00:14:29,768 --> 00:14:30,757
- Didn't it?
- Amen.
239
00:14:30,836 --> 00:14:32,599
I guess it kind of did. Yeah.
240
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:36,234
Hey, come on, man.
241
00:14:36,308 --> 00:14:39,539
Jibby was a pro bowler
for two years on the tour.
242
00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:40,909
Got a lot of great stories.
243
00:14:40,980 --> 00:14:44,381
Well, what can I say?
It was the go-go '80s,
244
00:14:44,450 --> 00:14:49,854
the height of professional bowling,
girls, limos, wristbands.
245
00:14:49,922 --> 00:14:52,823
Ivy, I think you got the wrong impression
of me earlier.
246
00:14:53,459 --> 00:14:55,927
I'm a really sensitive person, all right?
247
00:14:55,995 --> 00:14:58,964
For instance, I'm not a texter.
I'd rather hear your voice, you know.
248
00:14:59,031 --> 00:15:02,762
- Hey, everybody, I'm lvy's fiancé.
- Look who's here.
249
00:15:02,835 --> 00:15:05,497
Paxton, such a weird thing to say
when you enter a room.
250
00:15:05,571 --> 00:15:08,233
Well, I'm just letting everybody
know the deal.
251
00:15:08,307 --> 00:15:12,004
Well, I am Paxton Harding
of Harding lmports.
252
00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:17,037
And you must be the guys who are
going to save Ben Selleck Motors.
253
00:15:17,116 --> 00:15:20,677
- Yeah. That's the idea.
- I didn't catch your name, friend.
254
00:15:21,420 --> 00:15:24,514
That's because
I didn't give it to you, friend.
255
00:15:24,857 --> 00:15:28,588
Well, a couple of friends ought to know
each other's names, right?
256
00:15:28,661 --> 00:15:31,289
- My name's Don Ready.
- All right.
257
00:15:31,363 --> 00:15:34,855
I guess I won that little exchange.
You fell for it.
258
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:37,630
In fact, let me be the first
to tell you guys, good luck.
259
00:15:37,703 --> 00:15:40,536
Everyone at Harding lmports
and every dealership in this town
260
00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:41,664
is rooting for you guys.
261
00:15:41,740 --> 00:15:45,198
You got a Harding guarantee on that.
I swear to God.
262
00:15:46,245 --> 00:15:47,735
I'm off to rehearsal.
263
00:15:47,813 --> 00:15:50,475
All right? I want to give my two ladies
a kiss on the cheek.
264
00:15:51,483 --> 00:15:53,178
You are so sweet.
265
00:15:53,585 --> 00:15:57,385
You know, Paxton here is in one
of those popular bands in Temecula,
266
00:15:57,456 --> 00:15:58,548
Balls Out.
267
00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:00,353
- No, Big Ups.
- Big Ups. Sorry.
268
00:16:00,426 --> 00:16:01,950
Either way.
269
00:16:03,729 --> 00:16:06,664
Big Ups is the name of the band.
It's me and Ricky and Jason, and we...
270
00:16:06,732 --> 00:16:09,166
You know, we sing about life
and love and passion,
271
00:16:09,234 --> 00:16:13,432
and I'm not gonna lie to you,
we have some pretty sick dance moves.
272
00:16:13,505 --> 00:16:14,995
Are you in a boy band?
273
00:16:15,074 --> 00:16:18,441
No, I'm in a man band.
We're all over 30, we call it a man band.
274
00:16:18,510 --> 00:16:20,034
You're men in a boy band.
275
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:23,338
We opened for O-Town,
right here in Temecula, okay?
276
00:16:23,415 --> 00:16:25,110
- Google it.
- No.
277
00:16:25,184 --> 00:16:26,947
- Google it.
- No.
278
00:16:27,019 --> 00:16:28,987
Why wouldn't you google it?
I just told you to google it.
279
00:16:29,054 --> 00:16:30,954
- Google "Big Ups."
- You know, I googled it.
280
00:16:31,023 --> 00:16:33,014
It said you fucking blow.
281
00:16:34,026 --> 00:16:36,256
That was O-Town's website.
282
00:16:36,328 --> 00:16:38,922
You know what? I'm rising above this.
283
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:43,230
While you guys are yukking it up,
I'm gonna go rehearse with Big Ups.
284
00:16:43,902 --> 00:16:45,699
Ricky and Jason are in the car. Let's go.
285
00:16:45,771 --> 00:16:47,830
- All right, bye-bye.
- See you all tomorrow.
286
00:16:47,906 --> 00:16:49,430
Man, that dude is garbage.
287
00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:51,703
What a jerk.
288
00:16:51,777 --> 00:16:53,711
Who wants a big hunk of this meat?
289
00:16:58,484 --> 00:17:00,645
Hey, guys.
290
00:17:00,719 --> 00:17:02,778
A couple guys came in here earlier
looking for Vanessa,
291
00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:06,086
and I got a little bit of bad news for you,
Vanessa is dead.
292
00:17:06,158 --> 00:17:07,318
Here's Radio Moscow.
293
00:17:07,393 --> 00:17:10,590
It's funny, I haven't been in Temecula in,
what, 23 years.
294
00:17:10,662 --> 00:17:12,095
Last time I was here,
295
00:17:12,164 --> 00:17:15,327
I spent two straight days
in a Hacienda Courts
296
00:17:15,401 --> 00:17:18,029
with the third runner-up
to Miss Temecula.
297
00:17:18,103 --> 00:17:19,400
Never saw her again.
298
00:17:19,471 --> 00:17:21,564
Hey, what do you make
of this Selleck guy?
299
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:23,130
I got to be honest with you,
300
00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:25,733
have you noticed him saying
overtly sexual things to me?
301
00:17:25,811 --> 00:17:28,109
- Touching me?
- I haven't.
302
00:17:30,182 --> 00:17:31,376
That is disgusting.
303
00:17:31,450 --> 00:17:33,748
But don't get me wrong,
I have an erection.
304
00:17:33,819 --> 00:17:35,480
Babs?
305
00:17:35,554 --> 00:17:40,457
Can I tell you a deep, dark secret
I ain't never told anyone before?
306
00:17:40,526 --> 00:17:43,757
Baby, I really would rather you not.
I'm tired.
307
00:17:43,829 --> 00:17:45,558
I'm 42 years old,
308
00:17:47,032 --> 00:17:50,991
and I ain't never, ever
made love to a woman.
309
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:53,595
- You're a virgin?
- Hell, no.
310
00:17:53,672 --> 00:17:56,436
No, I've been with hundreds of women,
maybe thousands.
311
00:17:56,508 --> 00:17:59,875
I just ain't never really ever made love
to a woman.
312
00:18:00,446 --> 00:18:03,415
You know, I've done three ways,
four ways,
313
00:18:03,482 --> 00:18:06,747
ménage à trois, ménage cinq, six.
314
00:18:06,819 --> 00:18:11,654
I've 69ed, 89ed, 114ed.
315
00:18:11,723 --> 00:18:15,716
Golden, diamond and platinum showers.
I like that.
316
00:18:16,361 --> 00:18:18,522
I mean, I've ripped shit up.
317
00:18:19,731 --> 00:18:21,255
Done all that.
318
00:18:23,235 --> 00:18:26,432
But I ain't never, ever made love
to a woman.
319
00:18:26,505 --> 00:18:28,132
You will, Jibby.
320
00:18:28,807 --> 00:18:31,935
As long as we're being honest,
321
00:18:32,010 --> 00:18:34,740
I've something I want to share with you.
322
00:18:34,813 --> 00:18:37,611
I think I want to make love
to a 10-year-old boy.
323
00:18:37,683 --> 00:18:38,877
What?
324
00:18:39,218 --> 00:18:40,879
But he's in the body
of a 30-year-old man,
325
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,614
so who's to blame?
326
00:18:42,688 --> 00:18:44,622
- You the adult.
- Right.
327
00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:47,488
You'd be the one to blame.
328
00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:51,454
Hey, Babs. Hey, Jibby.
329
00:18:51,530 --> 00:18:53,964
Hey, Don,
there are three hot dancers over there.
330
00:18:54,032 --> 00:18:55,590
I think they might be good for the sale.
331
00:18:55,667 --> 00:18:58,135
Yeah, sign them up. Good energy,
make the customers happy.
332
00:18:58,203 --> 00:19:01,138
Hey, guys,
get those food orders in quickly,
333
00:19:01,206 --> 00:19:04,664
'cause in 25 minutes the kitchen
is rented out for a porno shoot.
334
00:19:04,743 --> 00:19:08,679
- Are you disgusted? I am.
- Book the DJ.
335
00:19:09,915 --> 00:19:12,383
You sure, Don?
I just thought after 'Querque...
336
00:19:12,451 --> 00:19:15,181
Hey. 'Querque was 'Querque.
This is this.
337
00:19:15,254 --> 00:19:18,189
It's time for all of us to move on,
all right?
338
00:19:18,257 --> 00:19:20,191
And it starts with booking that DJ.
339
00:19:27,499 --> 00:19:30,332
Where is he? I even wore my tight
underwear for the boner speech.
340
00:19:30,402 --> 00:19:32,632
Just relax, honey. He's getting ready.
341
00:19:32,704 --> 00:19:35,468
As for the underwear,
I think it was just an expression.
342
00:19:35,541 --> 00:19:36,565
Look, I may be old-fashioned,
343
00:19:36,642 --> 00:19:38,041
but the man says,
"Wear your boner pants,"
344
00:19:38,110 --> 00:19:39,600
I wear my boner pants.
345
00:19:41,313 --> 00:19:45,147
You can do this. You are a winner.
Don Ready has the heart of a champion.
346
00:19:45,217 --> 00:19:48,880
I'm a fucking stallion. I should be owned
by a goddamn Middle Eastern sheikh.
347
00:19:48,954 --> 00:19:52,481
There's almost no doubt
you invented the phrase, "It's all good."
348
00:19:52,558 --> 00:19:56,221
In the schoolyard, a Don Ready
is a euphemism for a hard-on.
349
00:19:56,295 --> 00:19:59,059
All right, fellas,
everybody gather around.
350
00:20:00,299 --> 00:20:03,132
Now, you all know the deal.
Over the next few days,
351
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:06,365
Don Ready and his team
will be overseeing sales.
352
00:20:06,438 --> 00:20:09,271
Basically, they will be your boss
for the weekend.
353
00:20:09,341 --> 00:20:13,243
Now, I trust them. And if you trust them,
together we will sell cars.
354
00:20:14,146 --> 00:20:16,410
You were the first person to wear
a Von Dutch trucker hat.
355
00:20:16,481 --> 00:20:19,678
- I really regret that.
- As well you should.
356
00:20:20,152 --> 00:20:22,382
Look at my husband.
Looks like he's got a Don Ready.
357
00:20:22,454 --> 00:20:24,217
Give me a minute.
358
00:20:31,096 --> 00:20:34,588
I'm Babs Merrick.
I'm gonna tell you people a little story.
359
00:20:34,666 --> 00:20:38,932
A story about a girl who grew up
in the worst part of the South Bronx.
360
00:20:39,004 --> 00:20:42,906
Well, one day, this little girl fell in love
with a boxer named Winston.
361
00:20:44,042 --> 00:20:47,034
But their love was too good to last,
362
00:20:47,846 --> 00:20:50,474
and one day,
the Vice Lords came a-calling,
363
00:20:50,549 --> 00:20:54,542
saying, "Winston,
it's time to take a dive."
364
00:20:55,354 --> 00:20:58,187
Coroner found two bullets in his heart.
365
00:20:58,290 --> 00:21:01,282
One of them
was meant for this little girl.
366
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:05,922
It's a hard world, mama
You got to push on through
367
00:21:05,998 --> 00:21:07,556
'Cause life in the ghetto
368
00:21:07,633 --> 00:21:11,467
Well, everyone told this little girl
to shut her mouth and go away.
369
00:21:11,536 --> 00:21:13,436
But she didn't do that.
370
00:21:13,872 --> 00:21:16,864
She made sure every single one
of those pieces of human trash
371
00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:18,034
looked her straight in the eye
372
00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:21,443
before she pulled the trigger
on that platinum.357 Magnum.
373
00:21:21,847 --> 00:21:23,007
Jose!
374
00:21:24,149 --> 00:21:25,343
Ramon!
375
00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:29,485
It ain't easy
376
00:21:29,554 --> 00:21:32,022
I got to tell you people, on TV,
377
00:21:33,058 --> 00:21:36,789
they don't show the dead man
when the poop leaves the butt.
378
00:21:37,429 --> 00:21:39,624
Make no mistake, gentlemen,
379
00:21:40,532 --> 00:21:45,526
when you die, poop leaves your butt.
380
00:21:46,738 --> 00:21:49,832
Man. That is a dark story.
381
00:21:50,342 --> 00:21:53,641
I know. I made it up.
Have a great sale, everybody.
382
00:21:53,712 --> 00:21:54,974
- What?
- Great sale.
383
00:21:55,047 --> 00:21:56,036
It ain't easy
384
00:21:56,114 --> 00:21:58,514
- She made it up?
- It ain't easy.
385
00:21:58,917 --> 00:22:00,407
I'm Brent Gage.
386
00:22:00,485 --> 00:22:04,581
They call me The Magician.
I am a wizard with numbers.
387
00:22:04,656 --> 00:22:09,958
I have never, never lost a sale
to bad credit.
388
00:22:10,028 --> 00:22:12,462
Quick story. A couple years ago,
MC Hammer, remember him?
389
00:22:12,531 --> 00:22:15,193
He was in bankruptcy,
living on the street,
390
00:22:15,267 --> 00:22:17,861
sleeping in the left leg
of his Hammer pants.
391
00:22:17,936 --> 00:22:19,631
The next day,
392
00:22:19,705 --> 00:22:23,004
I financed that man a car,
no questions asked.
393
00:22:24,142 --> 00:22:27,077
Hammer lived in that car
for the next year and a half.
394
00:22:27,145 --> 00:22:29,045
So you guys are just taking over?
395
00:22:29,114 --> 00:22:32,572
With your cool nicknames
and your confidence?
396
00:22:32,651 --> 00:22:34,016
I mean, how are we supposed to feel?
397
00:22:34,086 --> 00:22:36,452
Yeah, what about our sales?
Our commissions?
398
00:22:36,521 --> 00:22:37,749
It's all good.
399
00:22:39,191 --> 00:22:41,250
I'm Don "The Goods" Ready.
400
00:22:41,493 --> 00:22:43,984
Everyone here told you their story.
Here's mine.
401
00:22:44,062 --> 00:22:47,896
I have hair on my balls and I sell cars.
The end.
402
00:22:49,034 --> 00:22:53,403
All right. Today, tomorrow, Monday.
403
00:22:53,472 --> 00:22:58,171
It's July 4th weekend, everybody,
and we're going to war, all right?
404
00:22:58,577 --> 00:23:00,772
When you guys are deep in the shit,
405
00:23:00,846 --> 00:23:04,407
I want you to think about the real heroes
of this Independence Day.
406
00:23:04,483 --> 00:23:09,113
The Revolutionary War soldier
who had his gangrene foot sawed off,
407
00:23:09,187 --> 00:23:12,020
with nothing to numb the pain
except a shot of whiskey
408
00:23:12,090 --> 00:23:15,753
and that guy with the weird headband
playing the flute.
409
00:23:15,927 --> 00:23:19,624
What about Private Jones, huh?
Seventeen-year-old soldier.
410
00:23:20,499 --> 00:23:25,232
Got his guts shot out
in a 'Nam rice paddy. All right?
411
00:23:25,303 --> 00:23:26,895
Dick here knows what I'm talking about.
412
00:23:26,972 --> 00:23:30,237
He's talking about freedom,
you fucking queers!
413
00:23:32,644 --> 00:23:35,636
Don't even get me started
on Pearl Harbor.
414
00:23:35,714 --> 00:23:38,945
Our Navy boys out there
enjoying the bright Hawaiian sun,
415
00:23:39,017 --> 00:23:43,852
when all of a sudden, here comes
the Japs flying in low and fast.
416
00:23:43,922 --> 00:23:48,382
This dealership is our battlefield.
Don't give up the fight.
417
00:23:48,460 --> 00:23:52,521
We are the Americans,
and they are the enemy. Never again.
418
00:23:53,265 --> 00:23:54,755
Never again.
419
00:23:55,300 --> 00:23:57,165
Never again!
420
00:23:57,235 --> 00:24:02,036
- Never again! Never again! Never again!
- Never again! Never again! Never again!
421
00:24:02,107 --> 00:24:03,768
Let's get him!
422
00:24:05,777 --> 00:24:07,540
Eat my shit!
423
00:24:09,648 --> 00:24:13,277
- Dad, don't you think you should step in?
- No, he can take it. He's squirrelly.
424
00:24:14,186 --> 00:24:15,881
Stop! All right, stop!
425
00:24:15,954 --> 00:24:18,422
Everyone, calm down!
Put him down, Jibby.
426
00:24:19,524 --> 00:24:23,824
Okay, we have all just participated
in a hate crime.
427
00:24:23,895 --> 00:24:26,796
Was it a hate crime
or a freedom crime?
428
00:24:27,466 --> 00:24:29,491
All right, everyone, just calm down.
Bottom line,
429
00:24:29,568 --> 00:24:31,661
we have all just committed
a federal offense.
430
00:24:31,736 --> 00:24:35,331
Which means that G-men
are gonna be crawling all over this lot.
431
00:24:35,974 --> 00:24:38,169
Let's get our story straight.
432
00:24:39,177 --> 00:24:42,374
Dang came at us with a samurai sword,
433
00:24:42,447 --> 00:24:45,245
fire extinguisher,
and Chinese throwing stars.
434
00:24:45,317 --> 00:24:47,683
- Yeah.
- That seems plausible.
435
00:24:47,752 --> 00:24:49,379
No, I did not. No, I did not. I...
436
00:24:49,454 --> 00:24:52,252
We got to get a sword
and get his prints on it.
437
00:24:52,324 --> 00:24:54,258
There was no weaponry of any kind!
438
00:24:54,326 --> 00:24:57,887
Okay, Dang, how about this?
You get first dibs on customer ups.
439
00:24:57,963 --> 00:25:02,457
In return, you agree to forget all about
being the victim of a hate crime.
440
00:25:04,503 --> 00:25:05,527
Okay.
441
00:25:05,604 --> 00:25:10,303
- That's it, Dang. That's the guy we love.
- Thank you, Mr. Selleck. I'm really sorry.
442
00:25:10,375 --> 00:25:12,673
I'm not even Japanese. I'm Korean.
443
00:25:12,744 --> 00:25:14,939
Korean? Why didn't you say so?
444
00:25:15,013 --> 00:25:18,779
On that note, let's man those
battle stations, everybody, all right?
445
00:25:18,850 --> 00:25:19,942
Never again.
446
00:25:20,018 --> 00:25:22,654
We got one hour.
Let's get this place in shape.
447
00:25:34,833 --> 00:25:38,599
Really simple, boys. If you take this six,
you flip it, that's the price.
448
00:25:38,670 --> 00:25:40,467
You know what you can do with this?
449
00:25:40,539 --> 00:25:43,667
You can take this
and turn it into that if you want.
450
00:25:43,742 --> 00:25:48,372
You've taken $3,000 off this car.
It's back down to your original price.
451
00:25:48,446 --> 00:25:53,145
- Zooha, to sell you must...
- Confine, confuse, conflict.
452
00:25:53,218 --> 00:25:56,483
Nice! Teddy Dang, to close, you must...
453
00:25:56,555 --> 00:25:59,319
Lie, loan, leave.
454
00:25:59,391 --> 00:26:02,155
Nice. Mr. Dick Lewiston?
455
00:26:03,028 --> 00:26:06,259
Go fuck yourself,
you bald-headed son of a bitch.
456
00:26:06,331 --> 00:26:10,062
- I've seen more hair on bacon.
- Good enough.
457
00:26:10,802 --> 00:26:12,531
Wow, you must be the girls
from the strip club.
458
00:26:12,604 --> 00:26:14,435
- Yes. Heather.
- Hey, Heather. How are you?
459
00:26:14,506 --> 00:26:17,031
Your job is to greet people,
get them in the buying mood, okay?
460
00:26:17,108 --> 00:26:18,132
- I have an idea.
- Sure.
461
00:26:18,209 --> 00:26:20,973
Since it's July 4th, I thought it'd be good
to talk to the customers
462
00:26:21,046 --> 00:26:24,209
about how this government
has been cutting benefits for veterans.
463
00:26:24,282 --> 00:26:28,241
Let me guess, you are dancing to pay
for your Masters in Political Science.
464
00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:30,379
- Yes. How did you know?
- I don't know.
465
00:26:30,455 --> 00:26:31,786
Stripper stories,
they usually come in three,
466
00:26:31,856 --> 00:26:33,756
college student, single mom, cokehead.
467
00:26:34,192 --> 00:26:35,386
What's your son's name?
468
00:26:36,328 --> 00:26:37,420
I'm kidding.
I don't even know what I'm saying.
469
00:26:37,495 --> 00:26:39,759
I'm bananas.
You guys are doing an amazing job.
470
00:26:40,599 --> 00:26:42,726
Sapphire, wipe your nose. God.
471
00:26:42,801 --> 00:26:46,202
All right, we gonna be selling
some cars today.
472
00:26:47,339 --> 00:26:50,274
And tomorrow,
you know who we got coming in? I do.
473
00:26:50,342 --> 00:26:55,644
American Idol's very own
Bo Bice's brother is coming down.
474
00:26:55,714 --> 00:26:58,649
Yes. Eric Bice will be right here,
rocking the stage.
475
00:26:58,717 --> 00:27:01,447
Hey, DJ. This place is about to pop.
476
00:27:01,519 --> 00:27:03,544
Why don't you throw on
some Charlie Daniels?
477
00:27:03,622 --> 00:27:04,646
Good call.
478
00:27:12,497 --> 00:27:14,988
Nobody tells DJ Request what to play.
479
00:27:15,066 --> 00:27:17,557
Let them tell you what to play,
they lose respect for you.
480
00:27:17,636 --> 00:27:20,867
They lose respect for you,
you lose control.
481
00:27:20,939 --> 00:27:22,429
Not today.
482
00:27:24,809 --> 00:27:26,140
All right.
483
00:27:26,478 --> 00:27:29,311
- You want to thumb wrestle?
- Yeah, I'm awesome.
484
00:27:30,615 --> 00:27:33,175
- You won.
- I totally beat you.
485
00:27:33,451 --> 00:27:35,817
- What are you gonna do to me now?
- What?
486
00:27:36,588 --> 00:27:40,581
- You better spank me or something.
- Babs! He's 10.
487
00:27:41,726 --> 00:27:42,750
Ten and a half.
488
00:27:42,827 --> 00:27:44,522
Do you hear that, Ready?
Ten and a half.
489
00:27:47,699 --> 00:27:49,496
Brent. Those are my kids.
490
00:27:50,068 --> 00:27:53,094
Yeah. And probably a good reason
you're not selling.
491
00:27:53,171 --> 00:27:54,195
What are you talking about?
492
00:27:54,272 --> 00:27:57,105
Zooha, let's face it.
You've got husky kids.
493
00:27:57,375 --> 00:27:58,637
I know it, you know it,
494
00:27:58,710 --> 00:28:01,235
and every Chuck E. Cheese
in a 50-mile radius knows it.
495
00:28:01,312 --> 00:28:04,338
You know who doesn't need to know it?
The customer.
496
00:28:04,416 --> 00:28:05,610
I don't understand.
497
00:28:05,684 --> 00:28:08,244
Look, you put up a picture of skinny kids.
498
00:28:08,319 --> 00:28:11,186
Customer thinks, "Oh, my lord,
this guy needs the commission.
499
00:28:11,256 --> 00:28:13,724
"He's got to feed those hungry mouths."
500
00:28:13,792 --> 00:28:15,657
Okay. I get it. I get it.
501
00:28:15,727 --> 00:28:17,194
Should I take down the picture
of my wife?
502
00:28:17,262 --> 00:28:19,230
No, that's your closer.
503
00:28:19,297 --> 00:28:24,257
Fat kids, customer hates you.
Fat wife, customer pities you.
504
00:28:24,669 --> 00:28:28,571
Shit, Zooha. That's the best fat wife
I've seen in four or five years.
505
00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:30,005
Can I have a copy of it?
506
00:28:32,377 --> 00:28:34,368
Nice balloons.
507
00:28:34,446 --> 00:28:36,744
Wow, that line must have
knocked them dead in the frat house.
508
00:28:36,815 --> 00:28:38,749
Come on,
I'm just trying to have some fun.
509
00:28:38,817 --> 00:28:40,512
So, you pumped for the big day?
510
00:28:40,585 --> 00:28:41,677
Yeah, it should be great.
511
00:28:41,753 --> 00:28:44,551
They say you sell some cars.
Let's see you sell some cars.
512
00:28:44,622 --> 00:28:47,614
No, no, I'm not talking about the sale.
I'm talking about your wedding.
513
00:28:47,692 --> 00:28:51,184
Excited to spend the next 60 years
of your life with...
514
00:28:53,198 --> 00:28:54,358
- Paxton?
- Paxton.
515
00:28:54,432 --> 00:28:57,993
BMW boy band Paxton.
Seems like a super guy.
516
00:28:58,069 --> 00:28:59,730
Now, now.
517
00:29:01,206 --> 00:29:02,195
All right, what about you?
518
00:29:02,273 --> 00:29:05,606
You have any relationships
that last longer than a lap dance?
519
00:29:05,677 --> 00:29:07,474
Have you seen what these girls
do these days?
520
00:29:07,545 --> 00:29:10,537
I mean, we are living in the golden age
of lap dances.
521
00:29:11,382 --> 00:29:13,907
- Wow, that has got to be tiring.
- No.
522
00:29:13,985 --> 00:29:15,145
You don't want a home life?
523
00:29:15,220 --> 00:29:17,347
You don't want to live for somebody
other than yourself?
524
00:29:18,289 --> 00:29:21,315
No time.
I'm on the road 51.5 weeks a year,
525
00:29:21,392 --> 00:29:25,954
and I like myself a lot. I'm having a blast.
526
00:29:28,166 --> 00:29:30,691
You know what? I don't believe you.
527
00:29:46,484 --> 00:29:51,285
Look at them.
They're like crazy boat people. I love it.
528
00:29:56,761 --> 00:30:00,060
Give away free hot dogs
and put up an inflatable gorilla,
529
00:30:00,131 --> 00:30:01,689
shit's gonna go down.
530
00:30:01,766 --> 00:30:06,601
I feel exactly like I did before I landed
on lwo Jima, I swear to God.
531
00:30:07,405 --> 00:30:08,736
There's no difference at all.
532
00:30:12,277 --> 00:30:15,576
Attaboy, Teddy.
Pain is weakness leaving the body.
533
00:30:18,583 --> 00:30:22,144
Sell these bastard cars! Sell the metal.
534
00:30:23,087 --> 00:30:25,783
Sell the metal. Sell the metal.
535
00:30:25,857 --> 00:30:28,690
Sell the metal. Sell the metal.
536
00:30:36,267 --> 00:30:39,930
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
537
00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:52,779
Welcome to Selleck Motors.
Let's get you in a car.
538
00:30:53,952 --> 00:30:54,976
- Hi.
- Hi.
539
00:30:55,053 --> 00:30:57,317
- Hi. Welcome to Selleck Motors.
- Yes, sir.
540
00:30:57,388 --> 00:30:58,980
Welcome to Selleck Motors.
541
00:31:07,966 --> 00:31:09,524
Thanks so much.
542
00:31:16,808 --> 00:31:19,299
What's wrong with her?
What's her name?
543
00:31:19,377 --> 00:31:20,435
Stephanie.
544
00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:23,742
Hey, little Stephanie.
545
00:31:27,218 --> 00:31:29,652
You're amazing.
What did you say to her?
546
00:31:29,721 --> 00:31:30,779
Shut the fuck up.
547
00:31:30,855 --> 00:31:33,119
Why don't we get you into
one of these minivans?
548
00:31:34,058 --> 00:31:35,286
Zooha!
549
00:31:43,167 --> 00:31:44,794
- You feel it?
- Yeah.
550
00:31:45,803 --> 00:31:47,532
I call it the divine rush.
551
00:31:48,439 --> 00:31:51,897
Money for cars. Salesmen
putting themselves on the line.
552
00:31:51,976 --> 00:31:54,001
Capitalism, it's my high.
553
00:31:54,579 --> 00:31:57,912
I haven't seen the lot like this
since I brought in the Bandit Car.
554
00:31:57,982 --> 00:32:00,143
You know, rumor is that
that car is one of the cars
555
00:32:00,218 --> 00:32:02,015
that was in Smokey and the Bandit.
556
00:32:02,086 --> 00:32:04,316
That weekend this place was hopping.
557
00:32:04,389 --> 00:32:06,254
I was thinking we should get that
out of here, you know.
558
00:32:06,324 --> 00:32:07,348
It's bad for business.
559
00:32:07,425 --> 00:32:12,158
No, that car is a collector's car. That's
worth $200,000, won't take a cent less.
560
00:32:12,230 --> 00:32:17,065
But in this Auto Lister, they have
the same exact car for $1,000 less.
561
00:32:17,468 --> 00:32:20,232
Wow. What a great deal.
562
00:32:20,305 --> 00:32:22,102
- Excuse me, can I see that?
- Sure.
563
00:32:23,107 --> 00:32:24,631
My, my.
564
00:32:24,709 --> 00:32:26,973
If you can get this car for 1,000 less,
565
00:32:27,045 --> 00:32:28,637
you should definitely buy.
566
00:32:28,713 --> 00:32:30,180
In fact, let me call.
567
00:32:31,349 --> 00:32:32,748
Thank you.
568
00:32:33,818 --> 00:32:35,911
- Here you go.
- Thanks.
569
00:32:37,021 --> 00:32:38,079
Hello?
570
00:32:38,156 --> 00:32:41,091
Hi, I'm calling about the car
you have advertised.
571
00:32:41,159 --> 00:32:43,024
Can we get a drink?
572
00:32:43,695 --> 00:32:46,493
- No, I don't want to go for a drink.
- Yeah, I can put you in my truck.
573
00:32:46,564 --> 00:32:49,158
We can drive around.
You can see how it handles.
574
00:32:49,233 --> 00:32:51,565
- Maybe go to the reservoir.
- Excuse me? I...
575
00:32:51,636 --> 00:32:54,298
- Put the lotion in the basket.
- Who...
576
00:32:54,372 --> 00:32:57,603
- Put the lotion in the fucking basket.
- Oh, my God.
577
00:32:57,675 --> 00:32:59,905
See, I try to tell women all the time.
578
00:32:59,978 --> 00:33:03,004
Auto Lister's like MySpace
for serial killers.
579
00:33:03,081 --> 00:33:06,710
I don't want to see another one of these
on this lot.
580
00:33:08,820 --> 00:33:11,948
I think I'll just take this car
right over here.
581
00:33:13,558 --> 00:33:16,857
Okay, here's the deal, Gary.
I know the stereotype.
582
00:33:17,662 --> 00:33:20,631
I'm a woman, got a luscious body,
provocative clothes.
583
00:33:20,698 --> 00:33:22,290
I'm gonna use sex to sell cars.
584
00:33:22,367 --> 00:33:24,801
You know what's gonna sell this car?
Price, nothing else.
585
00:33:24,869 --> 00:33:26,632
I mean, I like men.
586
00:33:27,005 --> 00:33:28,666
I like men a lot.
587
00:33:29,907 --> 00:33:33,468
I can't believe I'm doing this.
Do you know what I love?
588
00:33:34,545 --> 00:33:36,172
I love women.
589
00:33:37,015 --> 00:33:38,414
Yeah?
590
00:33:39,617 --> 00:33:44,054
I mean, I'm talking me, an Asian chick,
and a schoolteacher in a shower.
591
00:33:44,122 --> 00:33:46,818
- Yeah.
- Get all soapy together and so wet.
592
00:33:46,891 --> 00:33:50,691
And you know what?
Maybe like a construction lady comes in,
593
00:33:50,762 --> 00:33:52,696
like, you know,
like I can't even tell if she's hot or not.
594
00:33:52,764 --> 00:33:54,322
- Okay.
- But then she says,
595
00:33:54,399 --> 00:33:56,196
"Looks like I could do some work here."
596
00:33:56,267 --> 00:33:58,963
- And she takes off her hat.
- It falls down. Sure.
597
00:33:59,037 --> 00:34:01,562
And then you guys come over
and all three of you undress her.
598
00:34:01,639 --> 00:34:02,901
- Yeah. Hey, hey, guess what?
- Yeah.
599
00:34:02,974 --> 00:34:04,202
- What? No.
- I'm next door.
600
00:34:04,275 --> 00:34:05,503
Yeah, 'cause I'm the superintendent,
601
00:34:05,576 --> 00:34:08,409
and I'm working on like paperwork,
like doing people's checks, I'm like...
602
00:34:08,479 --> 00:34:09,639
Yeah.
603
00:34:10,014 --> 00:34:11,038
- "What is that noise?"
- Like, "That's weird.
604
00:34:11,115 --> 00:34:12,275
"There's not supposed to be anybody
next door."
605
00:34:12,350 --> 00:34:15,046
"Hey, who's in there?"
And I just hear, "Oh, oh."
606
00:34:15,119 --> 00:34:17,644
I listen by the door for a while,
then I open it up, I'm like, "Hello?"
607
00:34:17,722 --> 00:34:21,351
- I still can't see the steam.
- Like, "I'm so scared. Who is it?
608
00:34:21,426 --> 00:34:22,450
"Who is that man?"
609
00:34:22,527 --> 00:34:23,585
"Hey, you're not supposed
to be in here."
610
00:34:23,661 --> 00:34:25,424
- Can I give you something to say?
- Yeah.
611
00:34:25,496 --> 00:34:26,520
Say this, say, say,
612
00:34:26,597 --> 00:34:29,395
"Hey, I knew something was missing
in this apartment,
613
00:34:29,467 --> 00:34:30,934
"a big cock."
614
00:34:31,002 --> 00:34:34,301
"I knew something was missing
in this apartment, a big cock."
615
00:34:34,372 --> 00:34:36,101
And we're fucking, and then
someone else goes, "Oh, yeah..."
616
00:34:36,174 --> 00:34:38,768
- Fuck. I just thought of something, man.
- What?
617
00:34:38,843 --> 00:34:40,777
How the fuck are you gonna get there?
618
00:34:40,845 --> 00:34:42,506
I'm right next door, remember?
I'm just gonna walk over.
619
00:34:42,580 --> 00:34:45,481
No, man, this is miles and miles away,
man. You got to get there soon!
620
00:34:45,550 --> 00:34:46,710
I'm, like, managing
a bunch of properties?
621
00:34:46,784 --> 00:34:48,012
Yes!
622
00:34:48,086 --> 00:34:50,281
How are you... It's across town.
How are you gonna get there?
623
00:34:50,354 --> 00:34:52,049
I don't know. I don't have a car.
I gotta get a bus...
624
00:34:52,123 --> 00:34:54,318
No, man,
you got to fucking take this car.
625
00:34:54,392 --> 00:34:57,657
Yes. I am gonna buy this car.
It's a good car, right?
626
00:34:57,728 --> 00:34:59,525
- No.
- I don't give a shit. I'll fucking push...
627
00:34:59,597 --> 00:35:00,791
Go see the dudes in the back!
628
00:35:00,865 --> 00:35:03,060
- Run, man! Run!
- I'm gonna go buy this car.
629
00:35:03,568 --> 00:35:06,162
In your country,
they would cut your hands off
630
00:35:06,237 --> 00:35:08,228
because you're stealing from us.
631
00:35:08,306 --> 00:35:10,706
You guys have got an amazing deal,
I can't believe it.
632
00:35:10,775 --> 00:35:13,505
Mom! Mom!
633
00:35:30,361 --> 00:35:32,829
- How we doing?
- Kicking ass.
634
00:35:32,897 --> 00:35:35,525
I was worried earlier,
but we're gonna have a great day.
635
00:35:35,600 --> 00:35:38,660
- Check out that Blake kid. He's on fire.
- Yeah, I noticed.
636
00:35:38,736 --> 00:35:40,067
Wasn't that your move?
637
00:35:40,138 --> 00:35:43,972
Well, mine ended
with the two-gun salute to heaven,
638
00:35:44,041 --> 00:35:45,702
but it's damn close.
639
00:35:46,777 --> 00:35:49,109
You remember when I told you
that I partied with that beauty queen
640
00:35:49,180 --> 00:35:51,444
23 years ago in Temecula?
641
00:35:51,516 --> 00:35:53,882
I didn't put a hat on my jimmy.
642
00:35:54,886 --> 00:35:58,344
Jesus, Don. You don't think
Blake's your son, do you?
643
00:36:04,128 --> 00:36:05,652
I'll tell you what,
why don't you guys go to finance
644
00:36:05,730 --> 00:36:08,255
- and I'll meet you there, all right?
- Okay.
645
00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:11,525
That's impressive, Blake.
You're a natural.
646
00:36:11,602 --> 00:36:13,399
Spend a lot of time
growing up around dealerships?
647
00:36:13,471 --> 00:36:16,634
No, but my mom always said
that I had it in my blood.
648
00:36:16,707 --> 00:36:18,072
I remember this one time as a kid,
649
00:36:18,142 --> 00:36:20,235
I traded my crappy Huffy bike to this kid
down the block
650
00:36:20,311 --> 00:36:22,108
for his brand-new shiny Schwinn.
651
00:36:22,180 --> 00:36:24,205
- No shit.
- No shit, Don.
652
00:36:24,482 --> 00:36:28,145
Hey, was your old man around a lot
when you were growing up?
653
00:36:28,219 --> 00:36:30,881
No. He took off before I was born.
654
00:36:31,756 --> 00:36:32,984
I'm gonna go back to the sale, Don.
655
00:36:33,057 --> 00:36:36,151
- Blake, how old are you?
- Twenty-two.
656
00:36:38,496 --> 00:36:40,157
Hey, kid. Don.
657
00:36:40,698 --> 00:36:42,723
Remember that guy
that wanted the Explorer?
658
00:36:42,800 --> 00:36:44,324
Here's what I got him to do.
659
00:36:44,402 --> 00:36:47,064
Buy his own house from himself for $1,
660
00:36:47,138 --> 00:36:48,935
which means nothing, but to the bank...
661
00:37:00,184 --> 00:37:01,617
Don.
662
00:37:01,686 --> 00:37:03,847
- Hey.
- What's going on?
663
00:37:03,921 --> 00:37:05,616
Good job.
664
00:37:07,525 --> 00:37:09,288
What'd I do, Don?
665
00:37:11,596 --> 00:37:13,831
Fuck you, I don't need your validation.
666
00:37:19,403 --> 00:37:22,964
Look at that number.
Seventy-one cars sold.
667
00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:25,770
I am looking at some
real salesmen out here. Good work.
668
00:37:25,843 --> 00:37:28,835
Yeah, we've actually sold 34%
of the inventory.
669
00:37:28,913 --> 00:37:30,505
Wow! I'm proud of you.
670
00:37:30,581 --> 00:37:34,415
And, by the way, congrats,
whoever pulled off a Nigerian buyback,
671
00:37:34,518 --> 00:37:35,678
haven't seen that in years.
672
00:37:35,753 --> 00:37:39,985
- That was me. You can suck it.
- What's a Nigerian buyback?
673
00:37:40,057 --> 00:37:43,959
Guy takes a customer's trade-in,
then 20 minutes later,
674
00:37:44,028 --> 00:37:47,896
sells it right back to said customer
at a mark-up.
675
00:37:48,566 --> 00:37:50,659
And we're looking at
an even better day tomorrow.
676
00:37:50,735 --> 00:37:54,068
Bo Bice's brother coming in here
to sing some tunes.
677
00:37:54,138 --> 00:37:55,571
Shut up. Eric Bice?
678
00:37:55,640 --> 00:37:59,041
The very same.
So, I think we do a little celebrating.
679
00:37:59,110 --> 00:38:02,705
And after a hot first day,
there's only one way to do it. 'Okie.
680
00:38:03,281 --> 00:38:04,748
- What?
- What's 'okie?
681
00:38:04,815 --> 00:38:05,839
Tell them about it, Dick.
682
00:38:05,916 --> 00:38:09,181
He's talking about karaoke,
you fucking queers.
683
00:38:09,253 --> 00:38:11,312
God damn,
Dick knows what I'm talking about.
684
00:38:11,389 --> 00:38:14,916
- Let's go. Let's get into it.
- Nice job, everybody.
685
00:38:16,894 --> 00:38:19,192
I've been watching you out there, girl.
686
00:38:19,263 --> 00:38:22,562
Your moves are probably responsible
for 10 sales.
687
00:38:22,933 --> 00:38:26,494
Well, any individual who pursues
his or her own self interest
688
00:38:26,570 --> 00:38:30,028
actually promotes
the interest of society as a whole.
689
00:38:30,608 --> 00:38:33,941
It's all trade, baby.
That's what makes the world go 'round.
690
00:38:34,779 --> 00:38:38,738
That's funny. I always thought
love made the world go 'round.
691
00:38:40,017 --> 00:38:41,245
See you.
692
00:38:47,158 --> 00:38:48,318
Love.
693
00:38:49,260 --> 00:38:51,023
Boy, you should be proud.
694
00:38:51,095 --> 00:38:54,553
You took a rag-tag bunch of losers and
turned them into first-rate salesmen.
695
00:38:54,632 --> 00:38:56,532
That's what I do, Ben.
696
00:39:03,874 --> 00:39:06,741
- Hello, Ben.
- Hello, Stu.
697
00:39:07,278 --> 00:39:10,145
Looks like you guys had a heck of a day.
698
00:39:10,214 --> 00:39:14,207
Hey, Paxton, Lance Bass called.
He said he... Fucking forget it.
699
00:39:14,285 --> 00:39:16,048
Yeah, like he would have your number.
700
00:39:16,120 --> 00:39:18,680
Hey, Lance Bass never opened
for O-Town.
701
00:39:18,756 --> 00:39:21,020
My boy did. You can google it.
702
00:39:21,092 --> 00:39:24,892
Yeah, I told them that already, Dad.
They refused to google it.
703
00:39:24,962 --> 00:39:27,522
Well, let me cut to the chase
for you here, Ben.
704
00:39:27,598 --> 00:39:30,999
My boy Paxton's band, Big Ups,
they're really starting to click,
705
00:39:31,068 --> 00:39:33,662
and we're running out of rehearsal
space over at Harding lmports.
706
00:39:33,738 --> 00:39:35,137
So Paxton had a good idea.
707
00:39:35,206 --> 00:39:37,697
He said why not make an offer
on your lot,
708
00:39:37,775 --> 00:39:40,175
nice price, before the bank gets it?
709
00:39:40,244 --> 00:39:42,542
That way,
Paxton's out front selling Beemers,
710
00:39:42,613 --> 00:39:45,411
then he runs around the back,
makes gold records. What do you think?
711
00:39:45,483 --> 00:39:47,815
I don't know, Stu.
We had a pretty good day here.
712
00:39:47,885 --> 00:39:50,877
We had an outstanding day.
Don't be all humble, Ben. Come on.
713
00:39:50,955 --> 00:39:52,445
All right, hold it, Don.
714
00:39:52,523 --> 00:39:54,286
Give us a couple minutes alone,
will you?
715
00:39:54,358 --> 00:39:56,553
- You got it, Ben.
- You too, Paxton.
716
00:39:58,429 --> 00:39:59,623
Hey, you know, even if Ben doesn't sell,
717
00:39:59,697 --> 00:40:02,723
we're gonna get this place for pennies
on the dollar when he goes B-rupt.
718
00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:06,327
Really? You're gonna screw over
your future father-in-law?
719
00:40:06,404 --> 00:40:08,770
It's called business, Don. Okay?
720
00:40:08,839 --> 00:40:12,707
And besides, I would do anything
to take Big Ups worldwide.
721
00:40:13,077 --> 00:40:15,375
So, lvy isn't enough for you?
722
00:40:18,749 --> 00:40:23,209
You have a crush on my fiancée.
That is rich!
723
00:40:23,287 --> 00:40:25,255
Here's the deal, old-timer. Get over it.
724
00:40:25,322 --> 00:40:28,257
Here is why
I'm not threatened by that at all.
725
00:40:28,325 --> 00:40:30,657
- A, I have a beautiful car.
- Yeah.
726
00:40:30,728 --> 00:40:34,027
- B, I have a $44 haircut.
- Right.
727
00:40:34,098 --> 00:40:38,057
Yeah, and C, I have slick threads. Yeah.
728
00:40:38,135 --> 00:40:40,467
- Men's Wearhouse. I like the way I look.
- Right.
729
00:40:40,538 --> 00:40:43,234
I'm Temecula's newest hard-on, dog.
730
00:40:43,307 --> 00:40:45,741
A, it looks like you just snapped into
a Slim Jim.
731
00:40:45,810 --> 00:40:47,072
B, your suit looks like it was...
732
00:40:47,144 --> 00:40:50,409
- I'm glad we could work all this out, Ben.
- Work what out?
733
00:40:50,481 --> 00:40:53,939
Well, Don, it's time I start thinking
about my future grandkids.
734
00:40:54,018 --> 00:40:55,576
I sold the lot to Stu.
735
00:40:55,653 --> 00:40:58,554
He made me a real good offer.
Thank you for your support,
736
00:40:58,622 --> 00:41:01,489
and you'll be paid
for the whole four days.
737
00:41:01,559 --> 00:41:03,720
But we're pulling the plug.
738
00:41:04,695 --> 00:41:06,026
Can we get all of their stuff
out of here, pronto?
739
00:41:06,096 --> 00:41:07,120
We want to rehearse here tonight.
740
00:41:07,198 --> 00:41:09,029
Hold on. Hold on a second.
741
00:41:09,099 --> 00:41:11,693
What about family? What about history?
742
00:41:13,337 --> 00:41:15,168
What if we save this lot?
743
00:41:15,239 --> 00:41:18,834
What if I could guarantee you
that I could sell every car off this lot?
744
00:41:18,909 --> 00:41:20,968
Ben, that's foolish.
You don't even know this guy.
745
00:41:21,045 --> 00:41:24,412
Look at him.
He's a gun for hire, a tramp.
746
00:41:24,482 --> 00:41:27,508
Don, we're talking about over 140 cars.
747
00:41:27,585 --> 00:41:29,951
Sure, it'd help the lot,
but that's impossible.
748
00:41:30,054 --> 00:41:32,750
All right.
Look, either I sell every car on this lot,
749
00:41:32,823 --> 00:41:35,724
or I leave Temecula
and get out of the game for good.
750
00:41:35,793 --> 00:41:39,092
- Doesn't move me at all.
- And you get Brent Gage for the night.
751
00:41:39,163 --> 00:41:42,655
Sorry, Stu, but the deal's off,
at least till I see how this thing pans out.
752
00:41:42,733 --> 00:41:44,200
Okay.
753
00:41:44,268 --> 00:41:46,429
You know,
since you're almost family, Ben,
754
00:41:46,504 --> 00:41:47,630
here's what I'm gonna do.
755
00:41:47,705 --> 00:41:52,836
I'm gonna save you a job on my lot,
after the bank forecloses on yours.
756
00:41:53,177 --> 00:41:55,839
Damn it. Why are they standing
in the way of my dreams, Daddy?
757
00:41:55,913 --> 00:41:57,210
Look it, here's the deal.
758
00:41:57,281 --> 00:42:00,250
Call your TV guy. Tell him we got to cut
some new spots right away.
759
00:42:00,317 --> 00:42:02,979
I have a script for you, never fails.
760
00:42:03,787 --> 00:42:07,154
More than words
761
00:42:07,224 --> 00:42:13,493
Is all you have to do to make it real
762
00:42:13,797 --> 00:42:15,321
Wait, now, so,
763
00:42:16,200 --> 00:42:19,658
he offered to pay us off
and we could leave town flush.
764
00:42:19,737 --> 00:42:21,364
And you said no.
765
00:42:22,172 --> 00:42:23,298
Yep.
766
00:42:23,674 --> 00:42:25,335
- Motherfucker.
- Hey, chill, chill!
767
00:42:25,409 --> 00:42:27,570
Come on, man, calm down. It's Don.
768
00:42:27,645 --> 00:42:29,340
He wouldn't do it
if he didn't have a good reason.
769
00:42:29,413 --> 00:42:31,608
And then I told Ben
that if we don't sell all the cars
770
00:42:31,682 --> 00:42:33,650
that he could have Brent for the night.
771
00:42:33,717 --> 00:42:35,412
- Motherfucker...
- All right. All right.
772
00:42:35,486 --> 00:42:37,920
- Jibby, handle him.
- Calm down. Calm down now.
773
00:42:37,988 --> 00:42:40,513
All right, here's the scenario, all right?
774
00:42:40,591 --> 00:42:42,991
Tomorrow, I'm gonna sell
an assload of cars.
775
00:42:43,060 --> 00:42:46,587
And I suggest
you gentlemen do likewise.
776
00:42:50,267 --> 00:42:51,666
What the hell we gonna do?
777
00:42:51,735 --> 00:42:56,229
Why don't we chill a little bit, Jibs?
Just chill. Okay, it's cool.
778
00:42:56,307 --> 00:42:58,468
Don said we got
TV spots tomorrow, right?
779
00:42:58,542 --> 00:43:01,841
Bice is hitting town.
We're gonna pull this off.
780
00:43:05,816 --> 00:43:08,114
I'm gonna hit you with a little Seger.
781
00:43:08,185 --> 00:43:10,585
Superbad, eyes up here, let's focus.
782
00:43:11,855 --> 00:43:13,447
This one goes out to Blake.
783
00:43:13,524 --> 00:43:17,483
It's about a boy, the son of a man,
a mother's child.
784
00:43:17,561 --> 00:43:20,155
Let's get him a tissue,
'cause it's about to get raw.
785
00:43:20,230 --> 00:43:21,959
What the fuck is wrong with that guy?
786
00:43:22,032 --> 00:43:25,661
On a long and Ionesome highway
787
00:43:25,736 --> 00:43:27,533
East of Omaha
788
00:43:27,605 --> 00:43:30,597
Okay, I got to ask you a question.
Does Don know what he's doing?
789
00:43:30,674 --> 00:43:35,202
I've seen that man say a lot of crap
just to sell cars and move out of town.
790
00:43:35,279 --> 00:43:38,646
But this time, he really means it.
791
00:43:38,716 --> 00:43:40,308
Truth be told,
792
00:43:41,652 --> 00:43:43,984
he ain't been the same since 'Querque.
793
00:43:44,054 --> 00:43:46,545
- 'Querque?
- The Duke City.
794
00:43:46,624 --> 00:43:48,888
A-Town. Captain Kirk.
795
00:43:50,561 --> 00:43:51,960
Albuquerque.
796
00:43:53,163 --> 00:43:55,563
- Who calls it Captain Kirk?
- I don't know.
797
00:43:56,867 --> 00:43:58,562
We lost a good man down there.
798
00:43:58,636 --> 00:44:00,365
- He quit?
- Died.
799
00:44:01,071 --> 00:44:03,301
- From a car sale?
- Hell, yes.
800
00:44:03,374 --> 00:44:07,208
The rest of us come to terms.
Don's still fighting it.
801
00:44:08,979 --> 00:44:10,003
Wow.
802
00:44:10,080 --> 00:44:13,709
Only Jeff Robins wasn't looking,
so I pegged him in the head.
803
00:44:16,120 --> 00:44:19,248
- What is it?
- It's really a fun juice.
804
00:44:19,323 --> 00:44:22,224
- Okay.
- Okay. Just don't tell your dad.
805
00:44:22,292 --> 00:44:24,283
You know what else is really fun?
806
00:44:25,963 --> 00:44:28,090
Going to a motel and wrestling.
807
00:44:28,165 --> 00:44:31,657
I love wrestling.
I can get you into a figure four leg-lock.
808
00:44:31,735 --> 00:44:35,034
Like this.
You know, your legs'll be all tied up.
809
00:44:35,105 --> 00:44:36,299
Sold.
810
00:44:36,373 --> 00:44:38,341
- You'd be screaming.
- That sounds fantastic.
811
00:44:38,442 --> 00:44:39,568
Okay.
812
00:44:40,344 --> 00:44:42,437
- Are you good at keeping secrets?
- Absolutely.
813
00:44:42,513 --> 00:44:44,811
'Cause I've got a present for you.
814
00:44:44,882 --> 00:44:46,474
Secret present outside,
by the dumpster.
815
00:44:46,550 --> 00:44:48,575
Is it a baseball mitt?
816
00:44:48,652 --> 00:44:52,315
Fits you like a baseball mitt,
like a glove, I hope.
817
00:44:52,389 --> 00:44:53,856
Is it new or is it old?
818
00:44:54,391 --> 00:44:55,722
It will be new for you.
819
00:44:55,793 --> 00:44:57,784
All right, that means
I'm gonna have to break it in.
820
00:44:57,861 --> 00:44:58,885
- Yep.
- I'm gonna have to break it in.
821
00:44:58,962 --> 00:45:02,056
I'm gonna have to...
I'll put a ball in there, and I'll tie it off.
822
00:45:02,132 --> 00:45:03,121
Right.
823
00:45:03,200 --> 00:45:06,533
And then I'll put lotions and oil on it,
and I'll sleep with it under my pillow.
824
00:45:07,371 --> 00:45:10,169
Yeah. That was Turn the Page
by Bob Seger.
825
00:45:10,240 --> 00:45:12,174
I'm Don Ready. Good night.
826
00:45:15,446 --> 00:45:18,074
So listen, let's meet outside
by the dumpster...
827
00:45:18,148 --> 00:45:22,414
- Hey, it's 11:30, closing time.
- Oh, man.
828
00:45:22,486 --> 00:45:24,010
- I got to go home.
- No. No.
829
00:45:24,088 --> 00:45:26,556
No, I got to go home,
put my pajamas on, and I got to shave.
830
00:45:26,623 --> 00:45:28,648
I know, but, Peter, before we do this,
we'll just...
831
00:45:28,726 --> 00:45:31,251
- We can wrestle later.
- No. In fact, I'm gonna...
832
00:45:31,328 --> 00:45:33,023
Waitress, can we get
another whiskey sour?
833
00:45:33,097 --> 00:45:35,031
- Just for the road, and a...
- We're closed.
834
00:45:35,099 --> 00:45:38,432
...paper cup, please. God damn it!
Just one more drink.
835
00:45:38,502 --> 00:45:40,697
I'll cut off your tits with a knife, you bitch!
836
00:45:40,771 --> 00:45:44,172
Babs, listen, I like the energy.
Let's play through.
837
00:45:44,241 --> 00:45:49,179
Party back at the Hacienda Courts.
Everyone's welcome. No guys.
838
00:45:49,346 --> 00:45:52,645
If you want to go far
Put yourself in a kicking car
839
00:45:55,052 --> 00:45:58,317
At Selleck Motors
840
00:45:59,223 --> 00:46:01,817
I started Selleck Motors
almost 40 years ago,
841
00:46:01,892 --> 00:46:05,692
and I've had a good run
here at my dealership, and in life.
842
00:46:06,430 --> 00:46:11,265
But now I'm dying, Temecula.
I got cancer of the nads.
843
00:46:11,835 --> 00:46:16,238
But before I die, I want to see
one last big Fourth of July blowout.
844
00:46:16,807 --> 00:46:20,243
So, my family and I are asking you
to come on down to Selleck Motors
845
00:46:20,310 --> 00:46:23,677
and buy one final car from us
before I'm dead.
846
00:46:27,050 --> 00:46:32,283
Looks like the chemo is kicking in,
so you better hurry.
847
00:46:35,192 --> 00:46:38,855
- Jesus, Ben, why didn't you tell me?
- Daddy.
848
00:46:40,597 --> 00:46:42,588
It's just a commercial, Peter.
849
00:46:42,666 --> 00:46:45,897
And, Brent, my privates are fine,
I swear to God.
850
00:46:45,969 --> 00:46:47,766
Good for you, Ben.
851
00:46:49,473 --> 00:46:52,271
It's gonna work, Ben.
It's gonna work like gangbusters.
852
00:46:52,342 --> 00:46:53,331
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
853
00:46:58,382 --> 00:47:02,182
Okay, if you don't like the car,
then go buy a truck, cheapskates!
854
00:47:02,252 --> 00:47:06,916
Every day, it's a gay safari.
Give me the balloon back. Piece of shit.
855
00:47:06,990 --> 00:47:08,582
- Thank you. We appreciate this.
- I'm so sorry.
856
00:47:08,659 --> 00:47:10,854
If there's anything I can do...
857
00:47:10,928 --> 00:47:13,795
It's such a tragedy. Tammy's so brave.
858
00:47:13,864 --> 00:47:16,492
Hey, Don. I'm not sure this is working.
859
00:47:16,567 --> 00:47:20,697
I mean, people clearly care about me
and all, but we're not selling cars.
860
00:47:20,771 --> 00:47:21,863
Stay positive, Ben.
861
00:47:21,939 --> 00:47:24,499
We're gonna hit this hard until 3:00.
When Bice gets here,
862
00:47:24,575 --> 00:47:26,475
he's gonna take it over the top.
863
00:47:27,978 --> 00:47:29,605
Hey.
864
00:47:29,813 --> 00:47:31,405
Can you bring the mood up?
865
00:47:31,481 --> 00:47:35,679
You know, play something good?
Like Y.M.C.A. by the Village People.
866
00:47:35,752 --> 00:47:37,515
You read my mind.
867
00:47:42,426 --> 00:47:47,159
Just out of curiosity,
what time do you get down from there?
868
00:47:47,231 --> 00:47:51,725
Every day they will test you.
Every day they will push you to the brink.
869
00:47:51,802 --> 00:47:55,636
You must fight them, DJ. Fight them.
870
00:47:58,408 --> 00:47:59,670
I'm gonna do something that I don't do.
871
00:47:59,743 --> 00:48:01,335
I'm gonna throw in some free floor mats,
all right?
872
00:48:01,678 --> 00:48:03,669
Now hold on. Hold...
873
00:48:04,414 --> 00:48:05,881
- Jesus.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
874
00:48:05,949 --> 00:48:07,280
Don! What's going on?
875
00:48:07,351 --> 00:48:09,285
You know what?
If you would've told me 10 years ago
876
00:48:09,353 --> 00:48:11,913
that I were to hit the wall
in a three-day sale in Temecula...
877
00:48:11,989 --> 00:48:15,015
- You're hitting the wall now?
- Well, yeah.
878
00:48:15,092 --> 00:48:18,255
Let me ask you something.
What do you think this means?
879
00:48:18,328 --> 00:48:20,660
- I had this dream. I was just saying...
- Yo! Hey!
880
00:48:20,731 --> 00:48:22,961
...you know, "Listen, Don, you're a..."
- Ivy, let's go.
881
00:48:23,033 --> 00:48:26,366
We got lunch with my mom in,
like, two seconds.
882
00:48:26,436 --> 00:48:28,233
- Be right there.
- We got to hurry.
883
00:48:28,305 --> 00:48:31,297
She'll be drunk in about 15, so giddy-up.
884
00:48:31,975 --> 00:48:35,069
- Don, what happened in Albuquerque?
- Nothing. Nothing happened.
885
00:48:35,145 --> 00:48:36,874
You kidding? It was...
886
00:48:36,947 --> 00:48:42,715
Listen, go have a great lunch with...
With your fiancé.
887
00:48:43,453 --> 00:48:45,318
Time to hit the road.
888
00:48:46,023 --> 00:48:48,890
Hey, Don Ready,
looks like you had a rough day.
889
00:48:48,959 --> 00:48:52,053
It's okay,
sometimes it happens in the auto trade.
890
00:48:52,129 --> 00:48:53,790
If you suck.
891
00:48:57,601 --> 00:48:58,898
Hold on.
892
00:48:59,303 --> 00:49:02,067
You got to admit, dude,
that was a good exit line.
893
00:49:02,139 --> 00:49:04,073
- Right? I got a better one.
- Yeah.
894
00:49:04,141 --> 00:49:08,407
Hey, Don Ready, I'll see you in
l-Don't-Know-How-To-Sell-Cars-Ville.
895
00:49:09,413 --> 00:49:11,244
Yeah, that one, granted, not as good,
896
00:49:11,315 --> 00:49:14,842
but that's 'cause
I won't be in that town. Fucker.
897
00:49:15,786 --> 00:49:19,449
Damn it. Psych. Psych.
I just psyched you out.
898
00:49:19,523 --> 00:49:21,923
I'm going that way, so fuck you.
899
00:49:22,659 --> 00:49:23,887
All right, people.
900
00:49:23,961 --> 00:49:28,728
We got Eric Bice, brother of Bo Bice,
coming up in the next five minutes.
901
00:49:28,799 --> 00:49:30,596
You might want to sit
in one of our cars...
902
00:49:30,667 --> 00:49:34,262
Hell of a turnout for Bice.
This day's starting to look up, huh?
903
00:49:34,338 --> 00:49:37,569
We need it.
We're getting killed out there today.
904
00:49:38,208 --> 00:49:40,768
- Don, we got problems, big problems.
- What's up?
905
00:49:40,844 --> 00:49:42,869
- Bice isn't showing.
- What?
906
00:49:42,946 --> 00:49:45,813
His booking agent said
he's got adult chickenpox.
907
00:49:45,882 --> 00:49:47,474
But he gave me some other options.
908
00:49:47,551 --> 00:49:50,418
The mascot for the San Jose Sharks
hockey team.
909
00:49:50,487 --> 00:49:52,751
He'll show,
but he can't wear the Shark suit.
910
00:49:52,823 --> 00:49:54,791
What's this I'm hearing about Bice?
911
00:49:54,858 --> 00:49:57,588
He motherfucked us.
He motherfucked us like a pro.
912
00:49:58,095 --> 00:49:59,619
- I'm going on.
- What?
913
00:49:59,696 --> 00:50:01,425
- I'm going on.
- No, wait, Don, be careful.
914
00:50:01,498 --> 00:50:03,898
I'm getting a real sketchy vibe
from this crowd.
915
00:50:03,967 --> 00:50:05,662
Ivy, don't you see? This is everything.
916
00:50:05,736 --> 00:50:09,001
I get to sing, which sells more cars,
which helps your family.
917
00:50:09,072 --> 00:50:12,439
Plus, my son gets to see the old man
come through in the clutch.
918
00:50:13,977 --> 00:50:15,137
What son?
919
00:50:15,212 --> 00:50:18,079
Eric Bice! Eric Bice!
920
00:50:18,982 --> 00:50:20,313
Hey, everyone!
921
00:50:21,218 --> 00:50:23,914
I'm Don Ready. I'm a car salesman.
922
00:50:23,987 --> 00:50:25,318
This is gonna go well.
923
00:50:25,389 --> 00:50:27,789
Yeah. Now, unfortunately,
924
00:50:27,858 --> 00:50:33,490
Eric Bice has adult chickenpox,
but I'm gonna be filling in for him.
925
00:50:33,563 --> 00:50:34,962
Drop it!
926
00:50:38,201 --> 00:50:43,468
Just take those old records off the shelf
I'll sit and listen to them by myself
927
00:50:43,540 --> 00:50:46,407
He's no Bice! He's no Bice!
928
00:50:46,476 --> 00:50:49,877
Yeah, I should've said something.
Don's a bad singer.
929
00:50:49,946 --> 00:50:51,311
I want that old time rock and roll
930
00:50:51,381 --> 00:50:53,611
Fuck you!
931
00:50:53,683 --> 00:50:57,517
Aren't you people tired
of being screwed over?
932
00:50:57,587 --> 00:51:00,283
Then let's fucking riot!
933
00:51:00,991 --> 00:51:02,652
Hold up a minute!
934
00:51:02,959 --> 00:51:04,017
Get him!
935
00:51:04,094 --> 00:51:05,322
Stop it!
936
00:51:05,395 --> 00:51:07,329
Hey... Hello! Hey, guys!
937
00:51:07,397 --> 00:51:09,831
Mr. Selleck, we got to get you
out of here. Come on.
938
00:51:09,900 --> 00:51:12,425
We got to hide, Brent.
We'll be safe in my room.
939
00:51:13,403 --> 00:51:14,961
Hold up a minute!
940
00:51:15,772 --> 00:51:18,366
Hold on! I got a big show!
941
00:51:20,777 --> 00:51:23,371
This does not look good for you,
Uncle Sam.
942
00:51:27,284 --> 00:51:29,047
And concussion.
943
00:51:34,391 --> 00:51:37,519
Don't mess with him!
That kid's got retard strength!
944
00:51:37,594 --> 00:51:38,891
Dork!
945
00:51:38,962 --> 00:51:40,190
See.
946
00:51:45,869 --> 00:51:48,269
Who the fuck brought alligators?
947
00:51:49,673 --> 00:51:54,042
I never thought I'd say this,
but thank God the police are here.
948
00:51:54,111 --> 00:51:55,806
Welcome, police.
949
00:51:56,947 --> 00:51:59,507
Come on,
let's lock up some white people.
950
00:52:00,484 --> 00:52:02,349
Y'all are all retarded.
951
00:52:02,719 --> 00:52:03,879
Hello?
952
00:52:06,890 --> 00:52:09,188
This day is completely shot.
953
00:52:09,993 --> 00:52:12,018
Can you believe these animals?
954
00:52:12,095 --> 00:52:14,529
What the hell's happening
to this country?
955
00:52:15,332 --> 00:52:18,961
What are you talking about, Dick?
You started it.
956
00:52:19,035 --> 00:52:23,597
You remember? Cops gave you a ticket
for inciting a riot. You old goat.
957
00:52:24,040 --> 00:52:27,567
This is horrible. Let's face it. It's over.
958
00:52:28,478 --> 00:52:30,378
It's not over. Over?
959
00:52:31,014 --> 00:52:35,974
When is the last time that there were
that many cameras on this lot?
960
00:52:36,052 --> 00:52:38,987
We got five hours left in this day, okay?
961
00:52:39,055 --> 00:52:41,319
Now, I intend to sell some cars,
all right?
962
00:52:41,391 --> 00:52:43,416
Now, get in here. Let's go over
some talking points. Come on.
963
00:52:47,497 --> 00:52:50,227
Baby, if you are true
964
00:52:51,134 --> 00:52:53,102
I'll keep doing it
965
00:52:54,337 --> 00:52:56,771
Doing it, right there, to you
966
00:52:57,207 --> 00:52:58,572
Doing it
967
00:52:59,576 --> 00:53:01,009
Doing it
968
00:53:01,778 --> 00:53:03,405
Doing it
969
00:53:03,480 --> 00:53:06,381
Doing it to you
970
00:53:06,449 --> 00:53:09,543
Julio, pick up line nine. Julio, line nine.
971
00:53:10,654 --> 00:53:13,054
You know, look, guys,
the big problem here?
972
00:53:13,123 --> 00:53:14,590
We need a bigger rehearsal space.
973
00:53:14,658 --> 00:53:16,626
Not a problem. Here's why.
974
00:53:16,693 --> 00:53:19,787
Huge riot down at Selleck Motors.
The place is going down in flames.
975
00:53:19,863 --> 00:53:22,627
We're taking it over.
It is the new Big Ups rehearsal space.
976
00:53:22,699 --> 00:53:24,291
- Are you serious?
- Yeah.
977
00:53:24,367 --> 00:53:25,891
We're gonna...
We're gonna take it over.
978
00:53:25,969 --> 00:53:26,993
Pardon me, boys.
979
00:53:29,072 --> 00:53:31,472
Some bad news from Selleck Motors.
Look at this.
980
00:53:31,541 --> 00:53:33,702
Listen, people get excited
over used cars,
981
00:53:33,777 --> 00:53:36,245
and, occasionally,
they'll punch and burn things.
982
00:53:36,313 --> 00:53:37,837
Now, some call that a riot.
983
00:53:37,914 --> 00:53:41,441
Me? I call it excitement
over the low, low prices
984
00:53:41,518 --> 00:53:44,009
down here at Ben Selleck Motors.
985
00:53:44,087 --> 00:53:46,521
The police are the real heroes.
986
00:53:46,590 --> 00:53:48,182
And because of that, we're offering
987
00:53:48,258 --> 00:53:51,056
20% off and 0% financing
988
00:53:51,127 --> 00:53:54,961
to any police officer that comes down,
anyone with a police hat,
989
00:53:55,031 --> 00:53:57,363
anyone that says the word "police."
990
00:53:57,434 --> 00:54:02,371
This Don Ready is like the rash
between my balls and thigh.
991
00:54:02,439 --> 00:54:07,001
And if you find an alligator in your car,
$500 off!
992
00:54:07,077 --> 00:54:09,944
Congratulations, Officer.
993
00:54:10,013 --> 00:54:12,641
You see that, Ben?
Just like that, we're back in business.
994
00:54:22,592 --> 00:54:24,583
Motherfucker, I ring the bell.
995
00:54:24,894 --> 00:54:26,521
The reason that the Japanese outsell us
996
00:54:26,596 --> 00:54:28,894
is because they make
more fuel-efficient vehicles
997
00:54:28,965 --> 00:54:32,924
while Detroit insists on
pushing gas-guzzling SUVs.
998
00:54:33,003 --> 00:54:35,836
God damn, girl, you turning me on.
999
00:54:37,007 --> 00:54:40,534
Would it be improper of me
to ask you out for a drink tonight?
1000
00:54:40,610 --> 00:54:44,410
I don't know, Jibby.
I've been hurt before.
1001
00:54:44,481 --> 00:54:48,611
Well, my problem is
I ain't never allowed myself to be hurt.
1002
00:54:48,685 --> 00:54:50,550
I'm trying to be more vulnerable.
1003
00:54:50,887 --> 00:54:53,048
Well, you're an honest man, Jibby,
1004
00:54:53,123 --> 00:54:56,786
and honesty is the first step
to being vulnerable.
1005
00:54:57,460 --> 00:54:59,621
You can pick me up at 9:00.
1006
00:55:09,005 --> 00:55:11,166
- Hey, Don.
- Hey, Jibs.
1007
00:55:11,241 --> 00:55:12,936
What's with the shit-eating grin?
1008
00:55:13,009 --> 00:55:15,341
For the first time in my life,
1009
00:55:15,412 --> 00:55:19,075
I have a chance
to make love to a woman.
1010
00:55:21,718 --> 00:55:22,946
Love.
1011
00:55:29,092 --> 00:55:30,889
I'm glad we found the right car for you.
1012
00:55:36,166 --> 00:55:37,861
Hey, Blake, you ready?
1013
00:55:38,468 --> 00:55:39,799
For what?
1014
00:55:40,136 --> 00:55:41,194
A little catch.
1015
00:55:41,838 --> 00:55:44,238
You know, I'm starting to think
that maybe lvy was right,
1016
00:55:44,341 --> 00:55:45,831
maybe it's time for old Don Ready
1017
00:55:45,909 --> 00:55:49,709
to settle down and plant some roots
in this crazy old world.
1018
00:55:50,513 --> 00:55:51,537
Great.
1019
00:55:51,614 --> 00:55:56,051
I mean, I've been on the move for
so long that I've never taken time to stop
1020
00:55:56,119 --> 00:55:59,316
and to hug the people
that are important in my life.
1021
00:55:59,389 --> 00:56:03,052
And, Blake, don't ever think that
you're not important. All right?
1022
00:56:03,960 --> 00:56:05,222
Great.
1023
00:56:06,329 --> 00:56:08,058
You ever think about your daddy?
1024
00:56:09,199 --> 00:56:10,257
No.
1025
00:56:10,333 --> 00:56:11,459
I mean, who wants to think about
1026
00:56:11,534 --> 00:56:15,095
some piece of shit that gets
a woman pregnant and then takes off?
1027
00:56:15,171 --> 00:56:18,868
You know, I'm not bitter.
I did fine without him.
1028
00:56:20,543 --> 00:56:23,876
He's probably out there with no family,
nothing real to hold onto.
1029
00:56:23,947 --> 00:56:27,644
Can you imagine how meaningless
life must be for a prick like that?
1030
00:56:27,717 --> 00:56:29,014
What a douche.
1031
00:56:39,095 --> 00:56:40,357
- Hey.
- Hey.
1032
00:56:40,430 --> 00:56:45,299
I cannot believe this riot actually helped.
You are insane.
1033
00:56:46,202 --> 00:56:47,965
You know,
I'm gonna be sorry to see you go.
1034
00:56:48,037 --> 00:56:51,200
Well, lvy,
goodbyes are an occupational hazard.
1035
00:56:53,343 --> 00:56:54,571
Okay, wow.
1036
00:56:55,378 --> 00:56:57,369
I don't know what's going on with you.
1037
00:56:57,447 --> 00:56:58,675
You are hot, you are cold.
1038
00:56:58,748 --> 00:57:01,512
One minute you're happy,
then you're snapping at me.
1039
00:57:01,584 --> 00:57:02,778
I mean...
1040
00:57:03,753 --> 00:57:05,277
What happened in Albuquerque?
1041
00:57:05,355 --> 00:57:07,414
You don't want to know what happened
in 'Querque.
1042
00:57:07,490 --> 00:57:09,617
Actually, I do.
1043
00:57:09,692 --> 00:57:13,389
Come on, what? You can trust me.
Just let your guard down.
1044
00:57:17,634 --> 00:57:19,932
McDermott was my best friend
1045
00:57:20,003 --> 00:57:23,439
and the greatest car-sale DJ
anyone's ever seen.
1046
00:57:23,907 --> 00:57:26,933
Damn it, it shouldn't have
gone down like that!
1047
00:57:27,010 --> 00:57:29,774
I was all wrapped up with this woman.
It wasn't gonna work.
1048
00:57:29,846 --> 00:57:32,474
I knew that. Blah, blah, blah.
I was trying to impress her.
1049
00:57:32,549 --> 00:57:34,744
We had already sold a bunch of cars
that weekend,
1050
00:57:34,818 --> 00:57:36,376
but I wanted to take it over the top.
1051
00:57:36,453 --> 00:57:40,253
So, I thought, hey,
let's put a few bucks into it, you know?
1052
00:57:40,323 --> 00:57:45,920
Get a good crowd in there. We'd airdrop
McDermott in, dressed as Abe Lincoln.
1053
00:57:45,995 --> 00:57:47,656
He would float in and say...
1054
00:57:47,730 --> 00:57:49,960
I freed the slaves, now I'm gonna free
1055
00:57:50,033 --> 00:57:52,729
those cars from the slavery
of high prices!
1056
00:57:52,802 --> 00:57:54,793
We had a bunch of great lines
for him to say.
1057
00:57:54,871 --> 00:57:56,634
Hey, just like John Wilkes Booth,
1058
00:57:56,706 --> 00:58:00,301
our prices are gonna sneak up
behind you and blow your brains out!
1059
00:58:00,376 --> 00:58:03,243
When I asked him, he didn't even blink.
He just did it.
1060
00:58:03,313 --> 00:58:06,180
Thanks, buddy.
This is the thrill of a lifetime!
1061
00:58:06,249 --> 00:58:08,809
Drop zone! Drop zone!
1062
00:58:08,885 --> 00:58:11,376
Me, I was on the ground
with Mrs. Talero.
1063
00:58:12,188 --> 00:58:14,884
We planned to meet
in the back of a Taurus.
1064
00:58:14,958 --> 00:58:17,756
That is so good. My husband never
does that to me anymore. Oh, yes.
1065
00:58:17,827 --> 00:58:20,660
She had me pack a bag
of sexual accoutrements.
1066
00:58:20,730 --> 00:58:24,564
Basic shit, you know,
rubbers, lube, dildos.
1067
00:58:24,634 --> 00:58:27,797
Weirder stuff.
Executioners' masks, French ticklers.
1068
00:58:27,871 --> 00:58:28,860
Yeah! Take me away!
1069
00:58:28,938 --> 00:58:31,930
The only problem was
I took the wrong bag.
1070
00:58:35,612 --> 00:58:39,708
Fuck! Don gave me the wrong bag!
1071
00:58:39,782 --> 00:58:41,044
I can only imagine
what was going through
1072
00:58:41,117 --> 00:58:44,609
McDermott's head
as he fell to his death.
1073
00:58:44,687 --> 00:58:46,746
Got to try to get away from this dildo!
1074
00:58:46,823 --> 00:58:48,347
The regrets he must've had.
1075
00:58:48,424 --> 00:58:50,324
Most people who are in this situation,
1076
00:58:50,393 --> 00:58:55,126
their life flashes before their eyes
and they go through a list of regrets!
1077
00:58:55,198 --> 00:59:00,363
For the next 45 seconds, I want to go
through the list of things I've done right!
1078
00:59:00,436 --> 00:59:05,567
Number one, full-length back tattoo
of the Hawaiian Punch guy!
1079
00:59:05,642 --> 00:59:08,577
10% real fruit juice, motherfuckers!
1080
00:59:08,645 --> 00:59:11,614
He had a huge heart,
but, my God, was he stupid.
1081
00:59:11,681 --> 00:59:16,584
Number three, had my wisdom teeth
put back into my skull!
1082
00:59:19,656 --> 00:59:22,147
Christ, the dildo's back!
1083
00:59:23,593 --> 00:59:28,496
I'm gonna get into an aerodynamic tuck
and use the dildo to cushion my fall!
1084
00:59:31,401 --> 00:59:33,130
I killed my best friend.
1085
00:59:33,202 --> 00:59:37,639
I wish I could say
I didn't think it would end this way!
1086
00:59:37,707 --> 00:59:40,835
But I got to tell you,
I always knew it would!
1087
00:59:40,910 --> 00:59:45,540
Falling to my death, dressed as
Abe Lincoln, holding a big, purple dildo!
1088
00:59:45,615 --> 00:59:47,879
This is how I drew it up.
1089
00:59:50,753 --> 00:59:53,620
Next thing I know, it's raining dildos.
1090
00:59:56,859 --> 01:00:01,319
Had I just been focused on the sale,
it wouldn't have gone down like that.
1091
01:00:01,397 --> 01:00:04,423
Now it's all happening again,
with you and Blake.
1092
01:00:04,500 --> 01:00:06,661
I'm losing who I am and my focus.
1093
01:00:06,736 --> 01:00:09,705
You think that riot was an accident?
No, no, no.
1094
01:00:09,772 --> 01:00:13,640
It happened because I lost my focus.
That was damn good Seger.
1095
01:00:14,877 --> 01:00:18,677
And now I'm falling for you. Yeah, no,
not again. I'm not gonna do that.
1096
01:00:18,748 --> 01:00:20,010
Wait, Don, come on, don't go.
1097
01:00:20,083 --> 01:00:23,018
I'm gonna go sell some cars,
Mrs. Harding.
1098
01:00:25,888 --> 01:00:26,877
"Z."
1099
01:00:28,024 --> 01:00:29,013
Seven.
1100
01:00:29,993 --> 01:00:32,223
- Hey, guys.
- Brent.
1101
01:00:32,862 --> 01:00:34,887
I have to say something.
1102
01:00:34,964 --> 01:00:37,626
I think Don might think I'm his son.
1103
01:00:37,700 --> 01:00:42,364
Now, I've met my dad. He lives in
Louisiana. I just wasn't raised by him.
1104
01:00:42,438 --> 01:00:45,271
Don's going through
a lot of big changes in his life,
1105
01:00:45,341 --> 01:00:48,799
and right now you might be
the rock he's holding onto.
1106
01:00:50,680 --> 01:00:52,614
Are you saying
I should pretend to be his son?
1107
01:00:52,682 --> 01:00:53,979
Because, Brent, that's fucked up.
1108
01:00:54,050 --> 01:00:56,610
Is it? Or is it fucked down?
1109
01:00:57,453 --> 01:01:01,184
Look, Don Ready would make
a damn good father to you,
1110
01:01:01,257 --> 01:01:04,454
and right now, I don't see a lot of guys
lining up for the job.
1111
01:01:04,527 --> 01:01:07,257
Think about that. And while you're at it,
1112
01:01:07,330 --> 01:01:10,163
you think about why your dad left you.
1113
01:01:11,868 --> 01:01:15,429
Come in here and blame Don.
That's pathetic.
1114
01:01:20,109 --> 01:01:23,943
It's about 20 minutes on the down side
of 9:00 here at Selleck Motors.
1115
01:01:24,013 --> 01:01:28,416
I hope you're curled up with
your best girl, making music together
1116
01:01:28,484 --> 01:01:30,577
in between the sheets.
1117
01:01:32,755 --> 01:01:37,715
Look at this. You know, everyone's gone,
so you can shut it down. Thank you.
1118
01:01:37,794 --> 01:01:40,160
Looks like that's gonna do it for me.
1119
01:01:40,229 --> 01:01:44,529
Good night, sweet Temecula.
May all your loves be tender...
1120
01:01:44,600 --> 01:01:48,001
- Seriously! Shut it the fuck down!
- Thank you.
1121
01:01:51,474 --> 01:01:56,502
See, I don't do what I'm told.
I'm what's called contrarian, all right?
1122
01:01:56,579 --> 01:01:58,945
I hate...
1123
01:01:59,015 --> 01:02:01,950
You gonna turn the lights off on me?
Like that's gonna scare me?
1124
01:02:02,018 --> 01:02:04,043
I don't give a fuck!
1125
01:02:04,120 --> 01:02:05,883
I'm homeless, motherfuckers!
1126
01:02:33,216 --> 01:02:35,150
Wow! Hey...
1127
01:02:36,652 --> 01:02:37,880
Come on in.
1128
01:02:37,987 --> 01:02:40,581
Shouldn't you be at home
with Bell Biv DeVoe
1129
01:02:40,656 --> 01:02:42,089
writing personalized vows or some shit?
1130
01:02:42,158 --> 01:02:45,127
Don, I'm here.
Don't make me change my mind.
1131
01:02:48,765 --> 01:02:52,098
Yo, we're Temecula's
number-one pop sensation.
1132
01:02:52,168 --> 01:02:53,328
- Big Ups!
- Big Ups!
1133
01:02:53,402 --> 01:02:54,664
And we're gonna be kicking it live,
1134
01:02:54,737 --> 01:02:57,467
right here at Harding Imports tomorrow,
so come on down!
1135
01:02:57,540 --> 01:03:00,100
- Congrats again on that. Yeah.
- Thanks.
1136
01:03:00,176 --> 01:03:02,508
- You want to turn it off?
- He needs to see this.
1137
01:03:02,578 --> 01:03:07,072
With lease-to-own options
and a full-service garage
1138
01:03:16,826 --> 01:03:18,760
We're gonna make love.
1139
01:03:19,629 --> 01:03:20,994
Love.
1140
01:03:21,564 --> 01:03:22,963
Love.
1141
01:03:23,866 --> 01:03:25,197
Love.
1142
01:03:27,370 --> 01:03:29,998
- Head & Shoulders?
- How'd you know?
1143
01:03:30,072 --> 01:03:32,006
My uncle uses it.
1144
01:03:36,078 --> 01:03:38,774
We're actually making love.
1145
01:03:38,848 --> 01:03:41,180
I'm making love.
1146
01:03:42,084 --> 01:03:44,052
We're making love.
1147
01:03:44,120 --> 01:03:47,521
You know what nobody ever told me
about making love?
1148
01:03:47,590 --> 01:03:50,525
- What?
- How boring it is.
1149
01:03:50,593 --> 01:03:51,924
Yeah.
1150
01:03:53,496 --> 01:03:57,330
You can do anything you want.
My safe word is "blueberry pancakes."
1151
01:03:57,400 --> 01:03:58,526
Okay.
1152
01:04:07,977 --> 01:04:10,104
Let's have sex
in every corner of this room.
1153
01:04:10,179 --> 01:04:11,476
Okay.
1154
01:04:15,918 --> 01:04:17,909
I fucked up.
I should've got a bigger room.
1155
01:04:17,987 --> 01:04:21,115
- That's okay.
- I have points and I didn't use them.
1156
01:04:40,343 --> 01:04:42,538
Continental breakfast in bed.
1157
01:04:42,612 --> 01:04:44,773
- Hacienda Courts style.
- Wow.
1158
01:04:44,847 --> 01:04:46,678
You know why
this is the best breakfast?
1159
01:04:46,749 --> 01:04:48,842
- Why?
- Bear claws, crullers,
1160
01:04:48,918 --> 01:04:51,751
prison-size orange juice.
1161
01:04:52,455 --> 01:04:56,152
You know, I actually feel bad for Paxton.
1162
01:04:56,826 --> 01:04:59,920
I didn't mean to come in
and split you guys up,
1163
01:04:59,996 --> 01:05:02,624
but engagements are made
to be broken.
1164
01:05:04,166 --> 01:05:06,327
Don, I'm not leaving Paxton.
1165
01:05:07,670 --> 01:05:09,331
What?
1166
01:05:09,405 --> 01:05:11,066
You don't love him.
1167
01:05:11,841 --> 01:05:14,503
Well, now, that's not necessarily true.
1168
01:05:14,577 --> 01:05:17,671
And, you know, I'm almost 30 years old.
1169
01:05:17,747 --> 01:05:20,682
I mean, what am I supposed to do,
you know?
1170
01:05:20,750 --> 01:05:22,684
I want things,
1171
01:05:22,752 --> 01:05:26,313
and I want a family,
and Paxton wants those things, too.
1172
01:05:30,660 --> 01:05:34,118
I mean, look, nobody dreams of buying
an '88 Lynx station wagon,
1173
01:05:34,196 --> 01:05:36,096
but we sold one yesterday, right?
1174
01:05:36,165 --> 01:05:37,632
And the people who bought it, bought it
1175
01:05:37,700 --> 01:05:41,101
because buying a 2007 Land Rover
wasn't an option for them.
1176
01:05:41,170 --> 01:05:42,899
So, what are my options, Don?
1177
01:05:42,972 --> 01:05:45,736
What about us? What about giving us
a chance? I mean...
1178
01:05:45,808 --> 01:05:48,140
Where, in the Hacienda Courts
in Boise?
1179
01:05:48,210 --> 01:05:49,939
Or how about
the Hacienda Courts in Wichita?
1180
01:05:50,012 --> 01:05:51,138
'Cause if things go really well,
1181
01:05:51,213 --> 01:05:53,943
we could raise our kids
in the Hacienda Courts in Muskogee.
1182
01:05:54,016 --> 01:05:56,416
What did you even come here for?
1183
01:05:57,853 --> 01:06:01,152
Because I wanted one last fling.
1184
01:06:01,223 --> 01:06:04,989
And I know
you're not gonna stick around.
1185
01:06:05,061 --> 01:06:09,896
So, you're just gonna have sex with me
and then leave?
1186
01:06:11,500 --> 01:06:13,365
This hurts!
1187
01:06:13,436 --> 01:06:15,836
Guess this is what
women mean when they say,
1188
01:06:15,905 --> 01:06:18,499
"So you're just gonna have sex
with me and leave? This hurts."
1189
01:06:20,443 --> 01:06:22,001
I'm sorry.
1190
01:06:22,078 --> 01:06:25,946
Something that I want is being taken
away from me, and I don't like it!
1191
01:06:26,015 --> 01:06:30,008
I don't like it!
This is exactly how I felt after 'Querque!
1192
01:06:30,086 --> 01:06:31,644
Screw everybody!
1193
01:06:31,721 --> 01:06:36,055
The only thing that I trust
in this world is cars!
1194
01:06:52,441 --> 01:06:54,306
Come on, Don!
1195
01:06:54,377 --> 01:06:55,776
Come on!
1196
01:06:55,845 --> 01:06:57,540
- What's going on?
- Don!
1197
01:06:57,613 --> 01:06:59,774
Don's never been late
for the last day of a sale.
1198
01:07:01,617 --> 01:07:05,485
Don's gone,
and you did not see me here.
1199
01:07:06,055 --> 01:07:07,454
Okay.
1200
01:07:07,523 --> 01:07:09,047
Well, did he go to the lot?
1201
01:07:09,125 --> 01:07:12,458
I don't know.
He kind of just freaked out and left.
1202
01:07:15,064 --> 01:07:17,123
'Querque all over again.
1203
01:07:17,199 --> 01:07:18,962
Fucking 'Querque.
1204
01:07:27,109 --> 01:07:28,736
He's gone.
1205
01:07:28,811 --> 01:07:32,508
Looked everywhere, called the cops.
No one knows where he is.
1206
01:07:33,816 --> 01:07:37,616
I'm sorry, fellas,
I apologize from all of us.
1207
01:07:37,686 --> 01:07:39,654
No. Hold on.
1208
01:07:39,722 --> 01:07:41,246
You guys did your best.
1209
01:07:41,323 --> 01:07:43,985
I mean, it was an uphill battle
from the beginning, right?
1210
01:07:44,060 --> 01:07:46,995
But, hey! We still sold some cars, right?
1211
01:07:47,063 --> 01:07:49,327
We still sold some cars!
1212
01:07:50,800 --> 01:07:52,961
Might as well dust off the old résumé.
1213
01:07:54,503 --> 01:07:56,528
Hey, wait just a minute.
1214
01:07:57,440 --> 01:08:00,500
I practically built this dealership myself,
1215
01:08:00,576 --> 01:08:03,101
and I remember a day when
we wouldn't hang our heads
1216
01:08:03,179 --> 01:08:05,306
or talk about closing the lot.
1217
01:08:05,848 --> 01:08:10,046
A customer would walk in here
and this place would pop!
1218
01:08:10,119 --> 01:08:11,211
There you go, Ben.
1219
01:08:11,287 --> 01:08:14,415
And having Don "The Goods" Ready
here for three days
1220
01:08:14,490 --> 01:08:18,551
made me remember why I became
a car salesman in the first place.
1221
01:08:21,764 --> 01:08:23,698
Mr. Selleck's right.
1222
01:08:23,766 --> 01:08:27,463
We can do this.
Don has taught us all something.
1223
01:08:27,536 --> 01:08:31,097
He knew more about us
than we knew about ourselves.
1224
01:08:31,173 --> 01:08:32,299
Yeah.
1225
01:08:32,374 --> 01:08:37,437
You know, I never much cared for Jews,
queers or fucking Eskimos,
1226
01:08:37,513 --> 01:08:39,743
but that's just the way I was brought up.
1227
01:08:41,016 --> 01:08:42,142
Is that it?
1228
01:08:42,218 --> 01:08:45,153
Yeah. That's it.
I just wanted to put that out there.
1229
01:08:45,221 --> 01:08:48,247
I thought we were opening up here!
1230
01:08:48,324 --> 01:08:51,122
Guys. We can sell these cars.
1231
01:08:51,193 --> 01:08:54,424
- There you go!
- Ready has carried us this far.
1232
01:08:54,497 --> 01:08:57,466
Well, I say we start
carrying our own weight.
1233
01:08:57,533 --> 01:09:01,333
So let's get out there and sell the metal!
Who's with me?
1234
01:09:01,403 --> 01:09:02,734
- We are!
- We are!
1235
01:09:02,805 --> 01:09:05,103
- I'm with you! Listen to him!
- We are! We are!
1236
01:09:05,174 --> 01:09:09,812
- We are! We are! We are!
- We are! We are! We are!
1237
01:09:10,146 --> 01:09:12,546
- We are! We are! We are!
- We are! We are! We are!
1238
01:09:15,017 --> 01:09:16,006
You don't even know this guy.
1239
01:09:16,085 --> 01:09:19,384
Look at him.
He's a gun for hire, a tramp.
1240
01:09:19,455 --> 01:09:24,051
He's probably out there with no family,
nothing real to hold onto.
1241
01:09:24,126 --> 01:09:26,720
And I know
you're not gonna stick around.
1242
01:09:26,795 --> 01:09:29,662
James Van Der Beek, my nigger.
1243
01:09:33,469 --> 01:09:36,563
Well, if it isn't
Don goddamn fucking Ready.
1244
01:09:36,639 --> 01:09:39,574
Holy fuck. McDermott?
1245
01:09:40,609 --> 01:09:43,635
He has returned
1246
01:09:43,712 --> 01:09:46,738
He is McDermott
1247
01:09:46,815 --> 01:09:48,305
Oh, my God!
1248
01:09:48,384 --> 01:09:51,512
I been waiting a long time
to set the record straight with you, man.
1249
01:09:51,587 --> 01:09:55,455
He's setting
the record straight, motherfucker
1250
01:09:55,958 --> 01:10:00,224
I trusted you, Don. I trusted that what
we were doing was bigger than all of us.
1251
01:10:00,296 --> 01:10:03,732
But it turns out, all you wanted to do
was get your ball sack played with
1252
01:10:03,799 --> 01:10:05,733
by some woman with bad credit.
1253
01:10:05,801 --> 01:10:08,770
It's an age-old tale
1254
01:10:08,837 --> 01:10:12,329
His trust was betrayed by tang
1255
01:10:12,408 --> 01:10:13,636
Balls and wiener.
1256
01:10:13,709 --> 01:10:16,143
They let angels out of heaven
to cuss at people?
1257
01:10:16,212 --> 01:10:18,840
Yeah, of course.
That's what's going down, dipshit.
1258
01:10:18,914 --> 01:10:22,475
Fuck you, Don Ready, fuck your family
1259
01:10:23,519 --> 01:10:26,215
I don't get it, McDermott.
Man, you used to be so easygoing and...
1260
01:10:26,288 --> 01:10:29,849
Yeah, I was. I was easy breezy.
And then, guess what?
1261
01:10:29,925 --> 01:10:34,191
I fell out of a plane and hit the ground,
and I didn't bounce.
1262
01:10:34,263 --> 01:10:37,664
But you know what did bounce?
My butthole through my face.
1263
01:10:37,733 --> 01:10:41,191
Geronimo, splat
1264
01:10:41,270 --> 01:10:45,138
Displaced anus
1265
01:10:46,475 --> 01:10:48,170
I'm so sorry, McDermott.
1266
01:10:48,611 --> 01:10:52,069
I need your help, man. I feel so empty.
1267
01:10:52,147 --> 01:10:57,175
Don't you get it, Don? This is where
all the cars we sell end up.
1268
01:10:57,253 --> 01:11:00,222
It's not about the cars.
It's about the team
1269
01:11:00,289 --> 01:11:03,349
and finding people you love. That's it.
1270
01:11:03,425 --> 01:11:05,985
- What do I do?
- You know what to do.
1271
01:11:06,061 --> 01:11:10,430
Get off the road, man.
I mean, after 35, it just looks pathetic.
1272
01:11:10,499 --> 01:11:15,300
While we're on the subject
You're too old for a Facebook page
1273
01:11:16,472 --> 01:11:17,769
I'm sorry, McDermott.
1274
01:11:17,840 --> 01:11:23,176
It's okay, man. I'll see you in 28 years.
That's when you're gonna die.
1275
01:11:23,245 --> 01:11:26,305
August 19, 2036
1276
01:11:26,915 --> 01:11:28,280
How am I gonna die?
1277
01:11:28,350 --> 01:11:31,114
Choking on a sausage patty
at a strip club.
1278
01:11:31,186 --> 01:11:34,246
Is there any way they could sing it?
'Cause it sounds sad.
1279
01:11:34,323 --> 01:11:38,817
No, it's not very lyrical, and it is sad.
So, no.
1280
01:11:38,894 --> 01:11:39,952
- A little bit? A little...
- No.
1281
01:11:40,029 --> 01:11:43,897
We talked about it in the heaven
spaceship that brought us here.
1282
01:11:43,966 --> 01:11:46,400
- We got to jump. Change your ways.
- No, no.
1283
01:11:46,468 --> 01:11:47,958
See you, Don.
1284
01:11:51,774 --> 01:11:54,436
Oh, my God, lvy and the team,
they need me.
1285
01:11:54,510 --> 01:11:56,774
They need me right now. Need me.
1286
01:11:56,845 --> 01:11:58,506
Thank you, McDermott!
1287
01:12:09,892 --> 01:12:12,759
Get them out of the back lot
and into the front!
1288
01:12:12,828 --> 01:12:14,420
Let's go, let's go!
1289
01:12:16,365 --> 01:12:18,856
I think you guys are gonna
really like this car. It's a good fit.
1290
01:12:18,934 --> 01:12:21,300
Good news.
My finance guy says it's gonna work.
1291
01:12:21,370 --> 01:12:22,701
Are you serious?
1292
01:12:22,771 --> 01:12:23,931
Zooha!
1293
01:12:34,650 --> 01:12:36,845
It's all Don. You understand?
1294
01:12:37,920 --> 01:12:39,080
All of it.
1295
01:13:01,343 --> 01:13:02,833
Retard!
1296
01:13:04,813 --> 01:13:06,148
I love you.
1297
01:13:07,916 --> 01:13:10,908
I've got some things
I need to make right on the ground!
1298
01:13:10,986 --> 01:13:13,181
I'm doing this for my friend McDermott!
1299
01:13:13,255 --> 01:13:15,883
He died, and I'm jumping for him!
1300
01:13:15,958 --> 01:13:18,483
Makes all the sense in the world!
1301
01:13:18,560 --> 01:13:22,291
One, two, three! Jump!
1302
01:13:24,733 --> 01:13:26,826
You got yourself a good deal there.
1303
01:13:26,902 --> 01:13:29,393
Pop the clutch! Pop the clutch!
1304
01:13:31,039 --> 01:13:35,271
We did it.
We sold every last car on the lot.
1305
01:13:35,344 --> 01:13:38,336
Man, I wish Don was here to see this.
1306
01:13:42,684 --> 01:13:45,482
Hey, look, everyone! It's Superman!
1307
01:13:45,554 --> 01:13:48,022
I want to come down
right at Selleck Motors, all right?
1308
01:13:48,090 --> 01:13:49,523
- Got it.
- All right.
1309
01:13:51,326 --> 01:13:53,021
Where are the cars?
1310
01:13:53,095 --> 01:13:54,960
Wait a minute! Is that Don?
1311
01:13:55,030 --> 01:13:57,123
Look out! Run! Run!
1312
01:13:57,199 --> 01:13:59,963
Watch your head, team! Coming in hot.
1313
01:14:05,207 --> 01:14:07,198
Hey, Jibby, where are all the cars?
1314
01:14:07,276 --> 01:14:10,609
Don, we did it.
We sold every single one of them.
1315
01:14:10,679 --> 01:14:13,580
You're shitting me. That's fantastic!
1316
01:14:13,649 --> 01:14:15,378
- They all stepped up.
- Unbelievable.
1317
01:14:15,451 --> 01:14:17,578
I'm proud of you guys, all of you!
1318
01:14:17,653 --> 01:14:19,814
We couldn't have done it without you,
Mr. Ready.
1319
01:14:19,888 --> 01:14:22,152
You taught us all to stand on our own.
1320
01:14:22,224 --> 01:14:25,387
Your time here has been rich
and filled with wisdom.
1321
01:14:25,461 --> 01:14:27,156
I don't know what to say.
1322
01:14:27,229 --> 01:14:29,993
Why not start with the truth, Don?
1323
01:14:30,065 --> 01:14:34,399
Well, the truth is, you sons of bitches
saved Selleck Motors!
1324
01:14:36,538 --> 01:14:38,938
Fuck you, Don Ready!
1325
01:14:39,007 --> 01:14:43,000
You didn't sell all the cars. You lose.
You're losers.
1326
01:14:43,078 --> 01:14:46,912
What are you talking about? All the cars
are gone. Lot stays with the Sellecks.
1327
01:14:46,982 --> 01:14:50,509
Come on, Stu, a deal's a deal.
We sold all the cars on the lot.
1328
01:14:50,586 --> 01:14:54,852
Nobody sold the Bandit Car.
Rules are rules. The lot's mine.
1329
01:14:54,923 --> 01:14:56,015
The Bandit Car?
1330
01:14:56,091 --> 01:14:58,719
Don said every car on the lot.
1331
01:14:58,794 --> 01:15:01,763
Bandit Car's a car and it's on the lot.
1332
01:15:01,830 --> 01:15:04,355
Hold on a second. That thing is a prop.
1333
01:15:04,433 --> 01:15:07,630
Don, that is not a prop.
That is a $200,000 automobile.
1334
01:15:07,703 --> 01:15:09,000
This is good.
1335
01:15:09,071 --> 01:15:13,804
Is this the great Don Ready complaining
about how hard it is to sell a car?
1336
01:15:13,876 --> 01:15:15,639
Did you hear that, everybody?
Did you hear that?
1337
01:15:15,711 --> 01:15:19,340
Maybe he's not so great.
Maybe he sucks!
1338
01:15:20,983 --> 01:15:22,678
So, I guess you lose!
1339
01:15:22,918 --> 01:15:26,911
Ben, you lose the lot.
Don, you have to skip town.
1340
01:15:29,091 --> 01:15:30,854
Right, everybody?
1341
01:15:39,268 --> 01:15:43,796
You know, Paxton, I been doing
a lot of thinking these past few days.
1342
01:15:46,975 --> 01:15:48,704
About what, asshole?
1343
01:15:49,411 --> 01:15:50,605
Dreams.
1344
01:15:51,613 --> 01:15:53,774
About how we either, you know...
1345
01:15:53,849 --> 01:15:56,317
We either cherish them
or let them die on the vine.
1346
01:15:56,385 --> 01:15:57,750
What'd you want to be
when you were a kid?
1347
01:15:57,819 --> 01:16:00,583
Me, I wanted to be a ref in the WNBA.
1348
01:16:00,656 --> 01:16:02,954
You know, 'cause I like women
and I like basketball.
1349
01:16:03,025 --> 01:16:04,083
Can you get off my back?
1350
01:16:04,159 --> 01:16:06,127
- You want to do this one on your own?
- Yeah, thanks, man.
1351
01:16:06,194 --> 01:16:09,129
I get that. Okay, you guys do your thing.
1352
01:16:09,197 --> 01:16:11,222
What'd you dream about, Paxton?
1353
01:16:11,300 --> 01:16:14,861
Music. Music's been my passion
ever since I fell in love with the classics.
1354
01:16:14,937 --> 01:16:17,667
Now, when you say classics,
what do you mean?
1355
01:16:17,739 --> 01:16:21,869
Well, it's a pretty short list.
You got your 'N Sync.
1356
01:16:21,944 --> 01:16:24,970
You got your 98 Degrees,
your Boyz II Men.
1357
01:16:25,047 --> 01:16:26,378
And then pretty much
the Backstreet Boys
1358
01:16:26,448 --> 01:16:28,916
came along
and revolutionized music as a whole.
1359
01:16:28,984 --> 01:16:30,781
Hello!
1360
01:16:30,852 --> 01:16:32,376
What about O-Town?
1361
01:16:32,454 --> 01:16:34,012
That was the best night of my life.
1362
01:16:34,089 --> 01:16:38,583
See, I haven't had the best night
of my life yet. Someday though, huh?
1363
01:16:38,660 --> 01:16:41,595
All personal crap aside,
I hear Big Ups is pretty damn good.
1364
01:16:41,663 --> 01:16:44,188
- Come on, who said that?
- People talk.
1365
01:16:44,266 --> 01:16:47,861
- Is he doing what I think he's doing?
- No way.
1366
01:16:47,936 --> 01:16:52,373
If he moves that car,
I'll eat my own pussy.
1367
01:16:52,441 --> 01:16:53,931
Attagirl.
1368
01:16:54,009 --> 01:16:56,204
Thirty-two years in the business
and I've never seen this,
1369
01:16:56,278 --> 01:16:58,405
a dealer-to-dealer lot sale.
1370
01:16:58,480 --> 01:16:59,970
This is suicide.
1371
01:17:00,048 --> 01:17:02,516
Come on, Don, stay focused.
1372
01:17:02,584 --> 01:17:03,608
Let me ask you something, man.
1373
01:17:03,685 --> 01:17:05,983
You ever think about just dropping
everything and going for it?
1374
01:17:06,054 --> 01:17:08,352
I'm not talking about setting up
some studio in the back of a car lot.
1375
01:17:08,423 --> 01:17:12,792
I'm talking about you, Ricky and Jason
living the life, man,
1376
01:17:12,861 --> 01:17:16,490
and putting yourselves
on the line on a daily basis.
1377
01:17:16,565 --> 01:17:18,192
Wait. What are you doing?
1378
01:17:18,266 --> 01:17:19,995
Picture this, Paxton.
1379
01:17:20,569 --> 01:17:24,505
Big Ups touring
the Florida Panhandle, right?
1380
01:17:24,573 --> 01:17:26,837
Gainesville, sold out.
1381
01:17:27,509 --> 01:17:30,103
Pensacola, sold out. Right?
1382
01:17:30,512 --> 01:17:32,878
And now it's Panama Beach.
1383
01:17:33,181 --> 01:17:34,648
Lights go down,
1384
01:17:34,716 --> 01:17:37,276
and all you can hear is 7,500 girls
1385
01:17:37,352 --> 01:17:40,321
screaming at the top
of their lungs, right?
1386
01:17:40,389 --> 01:17:43,358
And the bass, it starts pumping.
1387
01:17:43,425 --> 01:17:46,258
Pump, pump, pump, pump.
1388
01:17:46,328 --> 01:17:49,729
The girls start jumping.
Jump, jump, jump.
1389
01:17:49,798 --> 01:17:54,497
Ricky and Jason, they hit the stage.
Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance.
1390
01:17:54,569 --> 01:17:56,332
What happens next, Paxton?
1391
01:17:56,405 --> 01:17:57,770
I don't know. What?
1392
01:17:57,839 --> 01:18:01,297
- An engine roars to life.
- What?
1393
01:18:01,376 --> 01:18:04,277
I mean, just fucking roars!
1394
01:18:06,381 --> 01:18:08,246
Who rises from beneath the stage?
1395
01:18:08,316 --> 01:18:09,681
- Who?
- Jesus.
1396
01:18:09,751 --> 01:18:11,810
The guy with the best hair
in the business.
1397
01:18:11,887 --> 01:18:14,321
- Paxton Harding!
- Yeah.
1398
01:18:14,489 --> 01:18:16,753
- In the goddamn Bandit Car...
- What?
1399
01:18:16,825 --> 01:18:18,918
...T- top, golden eagle on the hood.
1400
01:18:18,994 --> 01:18:23,226
And the word is,
it's one of only five used in the movie.
1401
01:18:23,298 --> 01:18:26,790
And the girls, they love it.
And you want to know why?
1402
01:18:26,868 --> 01:18:28,233
Yeah. 'Cause we're good.
1403
01:18:28,303 --> 01:18:29,736
You're goddamn right, you're good.
1404
01:18:29,805 --> 01:18:34,572
You, my friend,
are a full-blown rock star in that car.
1405
01:18:34,643 --> 01:18:36,907
Holy shit. He might have him.
1406
01:18:37,612 --> 01:18:40,308
I feel like I'm watching
a wonder of nature,
1407
01:18:40,382 --> 01:18:44,876
like a blue whale giving birth
or a pig going down on a hyena.
1408
01:18:45,454 --> 01:18:47,217
You know, Paxton,
1409
01:18:47,756 --> 01:18:50,122
a man much wiser than myself
once said that
1410
01:18:50,192 --> 01:18:53,787
most men lead lives
of quiet desperation.
1411
01:18:53,862 --> 01:18:57,958
Now, do not silence Big Ups
before the girls,
1412
01:18:58,033 --> 01:18:59,398
nay,
1413
01:18:59,468 --> 01:19:03,370
the world, has heard the first verse.
1414
01:19:03,638 --> 01:19:05,799
Pump, pump.
1415
01:19:06,274 --> 01:19:07,969
Pump, pump.
1416
01:19:08,410 --> 01:19:10,139
Pump, pump.
1417
01:19:10,412 --> 01:19:11,845
How much for the Trans Am?
1418
01:19:11,913 --> 01:19:15,212
200 grand. I'll give it to you for 80.
No payments till January.
1419
01:19:15,283 --> 01:19:16,511
I'll take it!
1420
01:19:16,585 --> 01:19:18,052
He did it!
1421
01:19:28,597 --> 01:19:31,031
Who just got 80 grand
for that prop, huh?
1422
01:19:31,466 --> 01:19:33,263
- Big Ups!
- Big Ups!
1423
01:19:33,335 --> 01:19:35,394
This is the new band car!
1424
01:19:36,671 --> 01:19:37,831
Yeah!
1425
01:19:37,906 --> 01:19:39,999
Get it down!
1426
01:19:40,075 --> 01:19:44,478
Hey, Brent, we would've had a wonderful
weekend up at that cabin, huh?
1427
01:19:45,514 --> 01:19:48,415
You know what?
I'm gonna fucking knock you out.
1428
01:19:48,984 --> 01:19:50,975
You already have.
1429
01:19:51,052 --> 01:19:53,953
Basically, I have to carpe diem here, lvy.
1430
01:19:56,558 --> 01:19:58,355
See you!
1431
01:19:59,327 --> 01:20:01,921
Well, it's official. I am single.
1432
01:20:02,030 --> 01:20:04,328
I'm sorry, lvy. I was just selling a car.
1433
01:20:04,399 --> 01:20:06,299
Are you? Are you really sorry, Don?
1434
01:20:06,368 --> 01:20:08,632
Okay, you got me, I'm not sorry.
You know what?
1435
01:20:08,703 --> 01:20:10,796
Paxton and the Bandit Car
were just parked on the spot
1436
01:20:10,872 --> 01:20:13,397
where I intend to plant some roots.
1437
01:20:15,410 --> 01:20:17,105
- You hear that, team?
- What?
1438
01:20:17,212 --> 01:20:18,236
What, honey?
1439
01:20:18,313 --> 01:20:22,181
Cutting up the Hacienda Court card.
Yep. I'm settling in Temecula.
1440
01:20:22,250 --> 01:20:23,717
- Don!
- Yep.
1441
01:20:23,785 --> 01:20:26,345
I've been doing a lot of thinking
about friends and family,
1442
01:20:26,421 --> 01:20:28,013
and I decided that I can't care for them
1443
01:20:28,089 --> 01:20:31,115
as much on the road,
so I'm settling here.
1444
01:20:31,193 --> 01:20:33,923
- Speaking of family, where's Blake?
- Right here, Don.
1445
01:20:33,995 --> 01:20:35,587
Come here, Son.
1446
01:20:35,664 --> 01:20:39,361
Now, your father, he can't do anything
about the past, but I'll tell you
1447
01:20:39,434 --> 01:20:42,631
I can guarantee you I will always be
there for you in the future, all right?
1448
01:20:42,704 --> 01:20:44,968
Don, I'm like a foot taller than you.
1449
01:20:45,674 --> 01:20:47,335
Hug your father.
1450
01:20:47,909 --> 01:20:50,241
Come here, Son. There we go.
1451
01:20:50,312 --> 01:20:52,872
Thanks, Dad. Daddy.
1452
01:20:52,948 --> 01:20:57,112
I love it. As far as the beautiful
lvy Selleck is concerned, she's it for me.
1453
01:20:58,954 --> 01:21:01,855
- She's the one.
- That was just a one-night stand, buddy.
1454
01:21:01,923 --> 01:21:04,187
No, no, you're my woman.
That's my son. Don't overthink it.
1455
01:21:04,292 --> 01:21:06,385
Now, if someone went
and made a beer run,
1456
01:21:06,461 --> 01:21:09,897
I think we'd have everything we need
for a goddamn kickass party.
1457
01:21:09,965 --> 01:21:12,593
DJ! Play We Are Family
by Sister Sledge!
1458
01:21:12,667 --> 01:21:13,656
Drop it!
1459
01:21:13,735 --> 01:21:17,466
Finally! Somebody hit the nail on
the head. That's what I'm talking about.
1460
01:21:17,539 --> 01:21:19,473
That is a perfect song.
1461
01:21:22,143 --> 01:21:23,633
What the fuck?
1462
01:21:23,712 --> 01:21:29,014
I warned you over and over again
not to tell me how to do my job.
1463
01:21:29,084 --> 01:21:32,451
You brought this on yourself.
Are you happy?
1464
01:21:32,520 --> 01:21:34,988
Just play a good song!
1465
01:21:35,056 --> 01:21:36,546
You got it, friend!
1466
01:21:45,367 --> 01:21:48,700
Hey, McDermott, we did it.
A happy ending!
1467
01:21:48,770 --> 01:21:52,103
Yeah, if you call selling cars
in Temecula a happy ending.
1468
01:21:52,173 --> 01:21:57,736
Temecula is not
even motherfucking Fresno
1469
01:21:59,481 --> 01:22:02,848
Well, I'm gonna make the most of it.
Ivy Selleck, come here.