1 00:00:31,033 --> 00:00:35,697 Barkeep, what's the drunkest I can get for, um, 2 00:00:35,738 --> 00:00:37,205 two bucks? 3 00:00:37,239 --> 00:00:38,604 For two bucks I can let you drink 4 00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:40,801 everything that spilled on my overpour mat tonight... 5 00:00:40,843 --> 00:00:42,310 Splatmat Special. 6 00:00:42,344 --> 00:00:44,812 That sounds terrible. 7 00:00:44,847 --> 00:00:47,111 Bring it. 8 00:01:01,230 --> 00:01:03,698 - Third-wheeling it, huh? - Huh? 9 00:01:06,368 --> 00:01:08,996 Oh, yeah. They're just friends from work. 10 00:01:09,037 --> 00:01:11,437 You want some advice? 11 00:01:11,473 --> 00:01:13,236 Watch your back around those two. 12 00:01:13,275 --> 00:01:17,109 - Watch my back? - Couples are not to be trusted. 13 00:01:18,614 --> 00:01:20,548 We just work together. 14 00:01:20,582 --> 00:01:22,607 Yeah, it all seems innocent, 15 00:01:22,651 --> 00:01:24,915 till one day you're sitting in a bar, 16 00:01:24,953 --> 00:01:28,354 telling a stranger about how your life got ruined. 17 00:01:28,390 --> 00:01:31,086 - You don't have to tell... - It all started four months ago. 18 00:01:46,875 --> 00:01:48,740 Karen Elizabeth Beale, 19 00:01:48,777 --> 00:01:52,338 will you do me the great honor of marrying me? 20 00:02:01,423 --> 00:02:03,084 (retches) 21 00:02:05,794 --> 00:02:08,319 Look what you've done to Alfonse! 22 00:02:18,740 --> 00:02:21,402 Hey, you know, it could have been worse. 23 00:02:21,443 --> 00:02:22,432 How? 24 00:02:22,478 --> 00:02:24,673 Technically she never said no. 25 00:02:25,747 --> 00:02:27,408 Maybe it was too soon. 26 00:02:27,449 --> 00:02:30,543 Too soon? We've been dating for three months. 27 00:02:30,586 --> 00:02:32,053 Almost. 28 00:02:32,087 --> 00:02:34,988 I think anything under a solid decade is impetuous, 29 00:02:35,023 --> 00:02:37,355 if not downright irresponsible. 30 00:02:37,392 --> 00:02:40,122 I'm sorry about this, man. This is such bad timing. 31 00:02:40,162 --> 00:02:42,426 I wish I could be here for you right now, but... 32 00:02:42,464 --> 00:02:44,955 No, I know. Look, it's fine. 33 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:46,331 I know how long you've wanted this job, so... 34 00:02:46,368 --> 00:02:51,863 Yeah well, if you ever find yourself in central Germany, 35 00:02:51,907 --> 00:02:53,465 you know, schtop by! 36 00:02:53,509 --> 00:02:55,170 Yeah, for sure. 37 00:02:56,979 --> 00:02:58,469 (horn honks) 38 00:02:58,514 --> 00:03:00,846 Hey, do you mind? 39 00:03:00,883 --> 00:03:02,646 We're having a modern male moment here! 40 00:03:02,684 --> 00:03:05,847 Take your time, Mr. Sensitive. It's not my flight we're gonna miss. 41 00:03:05,888 --> 00:03:08,823 Oh shit. Um, okay, I gotta bolt. 42 00:03:08,857 --> 00:03:10,620 You sure you're gonna be okay? 43 00:03:10,659 --> 00:03:11,887 Yeah, I'll be fine. 44 00:03:11,927 --> 00:03:15,055 Oh, listen. Don't go falling for the first girl that comes along, okay? 45 00:03:15,097 --> 00:03:18,498 I know how you get. All that hopeless romantic shit 46 00:03:18,534 --> 00:03:20,092 will get you in nothing but trouble. 47 00:03:20,135 --> 00:03:22,501 Trust me. Any shred of romance that was left in me 48 00:03:22,538 --> 00:03:24,062 was ground to a bloody pulp yesterday. 49 00:03:24,106 --> 00:03:25,733 Oh, good. 50 00:03:25,774 --> 00:03:27,833 I mean, not good. I mean... 51 00:03:27,876 --> 00:03:29,571 fuck, you know what I mean. 52 00:03:29,611 --> 00:03:32,512 Well, auf wiedersehen. 53 00:03:32,548 --> 00:03:34,209 Eat some schnitzel for me or something. 54 00:03:34,249 --> 00:03:35,807 Aye. Be well. 55 00:03:36,985 --> 00:03:38,418 And stay out of trouble. 56 00:03:44,059 --> 00:03:45,549 (groans) 57 00:03:48,196 --> 00:03:50,130 (western movie on TV) 58 00:03:52,935 --> 00:03:56,427 (coughs) 59 00:03:56,471 --> 00:03:57,665 Echo? 60 00:04:00,142 --> 00:04:02,133 # La la la la # 61 00:04:03,712 --> 00:04:05,441 - # La la la la # - (banging on ceiling) 62 00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:08,449 Knock it off, fuckhead! 63 00:04:08,483 --> 00:04:10,383 (softly) #La la la la # 64 00:04:13,989 --> 00:04:15,547 Asshole. 65 00:04:15,591 --> 00:04:17,252 She won't let you out for one beer? 66 00:04:17,292 --> 00:04:19,317 Come on. What's that all about? 67 00:04:20,662 --> 00:04:22,459 No, I'm not calling your wife a bitch. 68 00:04:22,497 --> 00:04:23,794 No no no... 69 00:04:23,832 --> 00:04:25,231 Hello? 70 00:04:25,267 --> 00:04:27,861 Come on, man. How long have we been friends? 71 00:04:27,903 --> 00:04:30,838 Okay. How long have we been acquaintances? 72 00:04:30,872 --> 00:04:34,774 Scott Teller. I bought your futon a few years ago. 73 00:04:34,810 --> 00:04:37,176 # Last night I picked up the phone # 74 00:04:37,212 --> 00:04:39,703 # Late call said you were alone # 75 00:04:39,748 --> 00:04:41,648 # Crying to me about # 76 00:04:41,683 --> 00:04:44,516 # All of the things that we said # 77 00:04:44,553 --> 00:04:46,987 # Apologized for your ways # 78 00:04:47,022 --> 00:04:49,320 # Said that you hadn't slept in days # 79 00:04:49,358 --> 00:04:50,848 # Said that you need me... # 80 00:04:50,892 --> 00:04:53,190 Hey. I'm Nina. 81 00:04:53,228 --> 00:04:56,322 Hi. Hi, Nina. I'm Scott. 82 00:04:56,365 --> 00:04:58,993 I know this is incredibly forward, but 83 00:04:59,034 --> 00:05:01,969 I think you're really cute and I was just wondering 84 00:05:02,004 --> 00:05:03,369 if you'd maybe like to go out. 85 00:05:03,405 --> 00:05:04,838 I'd love you. 86 00:05:06,541 --> 00:05:08,008 I mean, I'd love to 87 00:05:08,043 --> 00:05:09,874 go out sometime. (chuckles) 88 00:05:09,911 --> 00:05:12,880 Not to say that I couldn't love you at some point. 89 00:05:12,914 --> 00:05:16,315 It's just, you know, life is a very funny thing. 90 00:05:16,351 --> 00:05:17,943 You never know what's going to happen next. 91 00:05:20,489 --> 00:05:21,513 Nina? 92 00:05:21,556 --> 00:05:24,354 # So I came back, opened my mind # 93 00:05:24,393 --> 00:05:26,793 # Decided to give you the time # 94 00:05:26,828 --> 00:05:28,591 # To make it up to me # 95 00:05:28,630 --> 00:05:31,155 # And not turn away... # 96 00:05:34,670 --> 00:05:36,297 I gotta get a roommate. 97 00:05:37,639 --> 00:05:40,107 You know, the best way for me to introduce myself 98 00:05:40,142 --> 00:05:41,939 would be to do a monologue. 99 00:05:41,977 --> 00:05:42,966 Okay. 100 00:05:45,914 --> 00:05:48,178 As she leads me to her bed, 101 00:05:48,216 --> 00:05:51,014 I see for the first time 102 00:05:51,053 --> 00:05:55,490 piles and piles of pink panties. 103 00:05:55,524 --> 00:05:56,889 Heh. 104 00:05:56,925 --> 00:05:58,893 Harold just has difficulty communicating with others. 105 00:05:58,927 --> 00:06:00,724 - Mmm. - Don't you, Harold? 106 00:06:00,762 --> 00:06:01,854 Mmm... 107 00:06:11,273 --> 00:06:15,676 My vagina is unto the world's 108 00:06:15,711 --> 00:06:17,338 vagina! 109 00:06:17,379 --> 00:06:19,040 I live just around the corner, 110 00:06:19,081 --> 00:06:21,345 so I can visit all the time. 111 00:06:26,421 --> 00:06:27,945 Thank you. 112 00:06:30,559 --> 00:06:32,424 Ryan Beckett. 113 00:06:32,461 --> 00:06:35,191 Mary Kincaid. Hi. 114 00:06:35,230 --> 00:06:38,063 Hi. Scott Teller. Nice to meet you. 115 00:06:38,100 --> 00:06:41,831 So, this place is awesome. 116 00:06:41,870 --> 00:06:44,498 I was looking for a change last year, so I moved downtown. 117 00:06:44,539 --> 00:06:47,667 I'm a senior product reviewer for "Open Collar Worker." 118 00:06:47,709 --> 00:06:51,042 It's a magazine for work-at-home professionals. 119 00:06:51,079 --> 00:06:52,876 How do you like working from home? 120 00:06:52,914 --> 00:06:54,882 I won't lie to you. 121 00:06:54,916 --> 00:06:56,110 It gets Ionely sometimes. 122 00:06:57,586 --> 00:07:00,248 Which one of you is interested in the apartment? 123 00:07:00,288 --> 00:07:03,587 - Actually... - Both of us. 124 00:07:03,625 --> 00:07:07,459 To be honest, I'm not really sure about living with a couple. 125 00:07:07,496 --> 00:07:11,330 No offense, but it seems like it could get kind of awkward. 126 00:07:13,702 --> 00:07:15,727 Is everything okay? 127 00:07:15,771 --> 00:07:18,968 Yeah. We've just been having a hard time 128 00:07:19,007 --> 00:07:21,441 trying to find a place. 129 00:07:21,476 --> 00:07:26,607 Yeah, and we're really into the whole downtown loft thing, so... 130 00:07:26,648 --> 00:07:28,411 Yeah. 131 00:07:33,755 --> 00:07:36,656 - Are you okay? - Hmm? 132 00:07:36,691 --> 00:07:38,454 No, it's just your beard... 133 00:07:38,493 --> 00:07:40,222 Yeah, that. 134 00:07:40,262 --> 00:07:44,130 It itches like a bastard. I don't know why I keep it. 135 00:07:44,166 --> 00:07:46,828 Someone on the street yesterday called me "Vermont Guy." 136 00:07:48,570 --> 00:07:50,197 I keep meaning to shave it off, 137 00:07:50,238 --> 00:07:52,570 but I guess I really haven't had a reason to, 138 00:07:52,607 --> 00:07:55,007 not since Karen... 139 00:07:56,812 --> 00:08:00,441 but I don't want to bore you with that story. 140 00:08:00,482 --> 00:08:04,851 Uh, no. We're not in any rush, Scott. Try us. 141 00:08:04,886 --> 00:08:06,854 You can tell us, Scott. 142 00:08:08,156 --> 00:08:09,817 Okay. 143 00:08:09,858 --> 00:08:11,758 (music playing) 144 00:08:14,062 --> 00:08:15,359 # We sit around # 145 00:08:15,397 --> 00:08:19,925 # Looking for flaws in the diamonds # 146 00:08:19,968 --> 00:08:25,600 # We sit around spilling our ice cubes on the lawn # 147 00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:28,632 # We sit around fighting our way # 148 00:08:28,677 --> 00:08:32,238 # Through the darkness # 149 00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:35,113 # And we waste our time # 150 00:08:35,150 --> 00:08:39,314 # When we could be righting every wrong # 151 00:08:41,289 --> 00:08:45,157 # And we trace heartbreak where we # 152 00:08:45,193 --> 00:08:48,219 # Can see heartbreak don't belong... # 153 00:08:48,263 --> 00:08:52,597 - Drum roll, please. Here he comes. - (vocalizes drum roll) 154 00:08:52,634 --> 00:08:54,295 - Yay! - Hey! 155 00:08:54,336 --> 00:08:56,031 Much much better. 156 00:08:56,071 --> 00:08:59,768 Yeah, considerably less "creepy shut-in" with this look. 157 00:08:59,808 --> 00:09:02,140 That's exactly what I was going for. Thanks. 158 00:09:02,177 --> 00:09:05,237 Well, this was really fun meeting like this. 159 00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:06,804 - We should get going. - We should. 160 00:09:06,848 --> 00:09:10,978 Hey, listen. Here is our card. 161 00:09:11,019 --> 00:09:14,455 Yeah, call us sometime if you want to do something, 162 00:09:14,489 --> 00:09:17,014 or just talk. 163 00:09:17,058 --> 00:09:18,491 Good luck with the roomie search. 164 00:09:18,526 --> 00:09:22,360 Whoever you find is lucky to live with a guy like you. 165 00:09:27,435 --> 00:09:29,767 Hey, guys, let's do it. 166 00:09:29,804 --> 00:09:30,964 Why don't you move in? 167 00:09:33,141 --> 00:09:34,608 Scott, are you sure? 168 00:09:34,643 --> 00:09:36,543 You guys are the nicest people I've met, 169 00:09:36,578 --> 00:09:39,172 and let's face it... you're the nicest people I'm gonna meet. 170 00:09:39,214 --> 00:09:41,774 This place is totally big enough for the three of us. 171 00:09:41,816 --> 00:09:44,979 Scott, you are not gonna regret this! 172 00:09:45,020 --> 00:09:47,318 We will totally keep to ourselves. It will be like 173 00:09:47,355 --> 00:09:48,982 - having just one roommate. - Yeah. 174 00:09:49,024 --> 00:09:50,321 When can you guys move in? 175 00:09:50,358 --> 00:09:52,155 - This weekend? - Yeah? 176 00:09:52,193 --> 00:09:53,683 - This weekend! - Great! 177 00:09:53,728 --> 00:09:54,717 I'll see you then. 178 00:09:54,763 --> 00:09:56,526 - All right! - Awesome! 179 00:09:56,564 --> 00:09:59,260 Okay. See ya! 180 00:09:59,301 --> 00:10:00,700 See you soon. 181 00:10:15,717 --> 00:10:19,050 I can't believe how well our colors work together. We're both autumns. 182 00:10:19,087 --> 00:10:20,179 Is that fate or what? 183 00:10:20,221 --> 00:10:23,156 Uh, yeah. Looks great. 184 00:10:23,191 --> 00:10:26,388 Give him a break, Mary. He's only got one X chromosome, 185 00:10:26,428 --> 00:10:29,522 which is why he is much more interested in this bad boy! 186 00:10:29,564 --> 00:10:31,555 Holy crap! 187 00:10:33,282 --> 00:10:36,308 Well, I am just so glad to see 188 00:10:36,352 --> 00:10:38,650 that you two stayed together. 189 00:10:38,687 --> 00:10:41,918 Yeah, it really looked like you guys 190 00:10:41,957 --> 00:10:44,517 were on the ropes there for a little while, so... 191 00:10:46,662 --> 00:10:50,655 Well, fortunately Nerissa has a high bullshit threshold. 192 00:10:50,699 --> 00:10:51,688 Aww. 193 00:10:51,734 --> 00:10:54,134 Come on, you two scallywags, join us. 194 00:10:54,169 --> 00:10:55,363 What? 195 00:10:55,404 --> 00:10:56,962 I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 196 00:10:57,006 --> 00:10:58,940 I know I always do this. I know I suck. I'm so sorry, 197 00:10:58,974 --> 00:11:00,874 but it really isn't my fault. I was driving here from work 198 00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:03,140 and I was on the PCH and the traffic suddenly stopped 199 00:11:03,178 --> 00:11:06,978 and there was a turned-over beekeeper's truck from some almond farm up north 200 00:11:07,016 --> 00:11:08,449 and there was a cop who was supposed to be 201 00:11:08,484 --> 00:11:09,542 directing traffic around the truck 202 00:11:09,585 --> 00:11:11,576 and he's swatting at all the bees. 203 00:11:11,620 --> 00:11:14,817 Everybody gets confused, and there's like six more accidents 204 00:11:14,857 --> 00:11:16,415 so there was honey all over the cars. 205 00:11:16,458 --> 00:11:19,154 Ted, it was not my fault this time, I swear to God. It was not my fault. 206 00:11:19,194 --> 00:11:21,492 Okay, calm down. We have a couple of minutes. 207 00:11:21,530 --> 00:11:23,054 Calm down. 208 00:11:23,098 --> 00:11:27,228 Tat's the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. That's awesome. 209 00:11:27,269 --> 00:11:28,463 I'm gonna use that one the next time I'm late. 210 00:11:28,504 --> 00:11:30,267 Are you accusing me of lying? 211 00:11:30,306 --> 00:11:34,208 No. That's what's perfect about it. You couldn't make that up. 212 00:11:34,243 --> 00:11:37,940 You'd be surprised. I am the master of excuses. 213 00:11:37,980 --> 00:11:39,709 All right, what's your best one? 214 00:11:39,748 --> 00:11:41,409 My best one? Dude, it would dazzle you 215 00:11:41,450 --> 00:11:42,747 and I don't think you could handle it. 216 00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:44,309 I've got an idea. 217 00:11:44,353 --> 00:11:47,186 How about we have a date, 218 00:11:47,222 --> 00:11:50,350 Saturday night, 8:00, here? 219 00:11:50,392 --> 00:11:51,586 You come at 9:30 and dazzle me. 220 00:11:52,628 --> 00:11:55,290 - This guy's got game. - Yeah. 221 00:11:55,331 --> 00:11:57,629 Uh, do we know this guy? 222 00:11:57,666 --> 00:12:00,931 Leslie, these are my friends from UCLA, Ryan and Mary. 223 00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:02,403 - Friends? Really? - Stop it, please. 224 00:12:02,438 --> 00:12:05,373 Hi. And this is our roommate Scott. 225 00:12:05,407 --> 00:12:08,376 He is a good man. 226 00:12:08,410 --> 00:12:11,402 Vouchers. I like vouchers, 227 00:12:11,447 --> 00:12:16,214 but I gotta say no, because I'm not into the one-on-one thing with a stranger. 228 00:12:16,251 --> 00:12:19,084 Okay. Well, we'll all go, all six of us. 229 00:12:19,121 --> 00:12:21,919 - Right? Saturday. - We're busy. 230 00:12:21,957 --> 00:12:23,720 - Honey. - No, we are. 231 00:12:23,759 --> 00:12:25,226 We have that thing with Phil and Barbara Griffin. 232 00:12:25,260 --> 00:12:26,693 We could go. 233 00:12:26,729 --> 00:12:27,753 - Yeah. - Huh? 234 00:12:27,796 --> 00:12:29,161 Yeah, sure. 235 00:12:29,198 --> 00:12:32,292 Chaperones. Are we on? 236 00:12:33,469 --> 00:12:36,961 Uh, nnnnn... okay. 237 00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:38,803 Why not? 238 00:12:41,076 --> 00:12:43,169 But we're late because of the bees, 239 00:12:43,212 --> 00:12:44,577 - so... - Ted: Bye. 240 00:12:44,613 --> 00:12:47,639 Good. No chance for me to say anything stupid. 241 00:12:47,683 --> 00:12:49,173 I'll see you on Saturday... 242 00:12:49,218 --> 00:12:51,709 - Oh, Leslie Green. - Leslie. 243 00:12:51,754 --> 00:12:54,484 - Scott Teller. - Scott Teller. 244 00:12:54,523 --> 00:12:57,515 - See you Saturday. - See you Saturday. 245 00:12:58,894 --> 00:13:00,987 - Bye. - Bye. 246 00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:02,497 See ya Saturday. 247 00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:09,064 Scotty Scott Scotterton over here! Scotterino! 248 00:13:09,104 --> 00:13:11,572 Way to get back in the saddle, partner! 249 00:13:11,607 --> 00:13:13,199 - I'll say. Giddyup, huh? - Huh? 250 00:13:13,242 --> 00:13:14,573 Did you see that? 251 00:13:14,610 --> 00:13:16,635 Who's got two thumbs and is impressed? 252 00:13:16,679 --> 00:13:18,840 - (whispers) This guy. - (whispers) Yeah. 253 00:13:29,091 --> 00:13:30,217 (utensils clanking) 254 00:13:30,259 --> 00:13:32,750 (Ryan snickering) 255 00:13:32,795 --> 00:13:34,888 - You've been a bad girl. - That'll work. 256 00:13:34,930 --> 00:13:36,056 - That'll work. - Yeah. 257 00:13:36,098 --> 00:13:38,123 Oh! Aha! 258 00:13:38,167 --> 00:13:40,032 - The whisk. - (squeals) 259 00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:41,866 - (giggling) - (squealing) 260 00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:42,893 (whip snaps) 261 00:13:42,938 --> 00:13:45,498 You gonna take me downtown, Officer? 262 00:13:45,541 --> 00:13:49,409 - I'm taking you all the way down! - Mary: Yeah! 263 00:13:50,813 --> 00:13:53,247 Ryan: There was a farmer who tapped that ass... 264 00:13:53,282 --> 00:13:55,580 Mary: ...and Ryan was his name... oh!! 265 00:13:55,718 --> 00:13:58,414 (rock song on jukebox) 266 00:14:15,437 --> 00:14:17,428 (singing along) 267 00:14:22,144 --> 00:14:25,341 Both: #I'm gonna take you take you home. # 268 00:14:25,380 --> 00:14:26,506 - Unh! - Nice! 269 00:14:26,548 --> 00:14:28,277 - Harmonies. What? - Unh! 270 00:14:28,317 --> 00:14:30,478 - Scott. Scotty! - Huh? 271 00:14:30,519 --> 00:14:32,953 - Nervous, buddy? - Flutterbies? 272 00:14:32,988 --> 00:14:34,182 - Mmm? - Mmm? 273 00:14:34,223 --> 00:14:36,748 Um, yeah, a little bit, I guess. 274 00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:40,023 - I'd be nervous. - I'd be going apeshit. 275 00:14:40,062 --> 00:14:42,257 I'm talking fucking apeshit! 276 00:14:42,297 --> 00:14:44,595 Ryan: Yeah. 277 00:14:49,772 --> 00:14:51,831 - Hi. - Hey. 278 00:14:51,874 --> 00:14:53,307 - Hey. - Hi. 279 00:14:53,342 --> 00:14:57,836 Hey! How are you? 280 00:14:57,880 --> 00:15:00,041 - Flaming Gorilla Nipple? - Uh, no, that's okay. 281 00:15:00,082 --> 00:15:02,141 I see you guys started without me. 282 00:15:02,184 --> 00:15:05,381 Well, it was 5:00 somewhere, right? 283 00:15:07,322 --> 00:15:09,051 I don't even drink anymore. 284 00:15:09,091 --> 00:15:10,183 Of course I don't drink any less, either. 285 00:15:10,225 --> 00:15:11,214 Hiyo! What are you drinking? 286 00:15:11,260 --> 00:15:12,727 Probably just a glass of red wine. 287 00:15:12,761 --> 00:15:14,422 - Mmm. - Ooh. 288 00:15:14,463 --> 00:15:18,627 Scotty Dog is not much of a wine drinker. 289 00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:22,694 - The tannins give him headaches. - He's more of a beer guy. 290 00:15:22,738 --> 00:15:25,206 Thanks, guys. I can speak for myself. 291 00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:27,037 Of course you can! 292 00:15:27,075 --> 00:15:29,305 If there's anything Scott can do, 293 00:15:29,344 --> 00:15:31,539 it's talk... a lot. 294 00:15:31,580 --> 00:15:34,845 Like, yap yap yap yap. He is a regular little chatterbox. 295 00:15:34,883 --> 00:15:37,147 Like a chihuahua. Show her! 296 00:15:38,387 --> 00:15:40,082 Yeah, come on, say something, hotshot. 297 00:15:42,357 --> 00:15:43,756 Mary: Oh! 298 00:15:45,961 --> 00:15:47,292 Mary: Watch this! 299 00:15:47,329 --> 00:15:48,318 This will be good. 300 00:15:50,098 --> 00:15:51,565 Here it comes. 301 00:15:54,036 --> 00:15:55,060 Really? 302 00:15:56,238 --> 00:15:57,262 How have you been? 303 00:15:57,306 --> 00:15:59,206 (both exclaim) 304 00:15:59,241 --> 00:16:01,675 - Brilliant! - The man should be a writer. 305 00:16:01,710 --> 00:16:03,200 Hemingway over here, right? 306 00:16:03,245 --> 00:16:04,735 Guys, really, I... 307 00:16:04,780 --> 00:16:06,441 - So how have you been, Les? - Mmm. 308 00:16:06,481 --> 00:16:09,382 Oh. Uh, I've been good. 309 00:16:09,418 --> 00:16:12,148 Can't say I love being called Les. 310 00:16:12,187 --> 00:16:15,315 - Oh! Hmm! - I know what you're saying there. 311 00:16:15,357 --> 00:16:19,123 I can't stand it when people call me Mare. 312 00:16:19,161 --> 00:16:21,061 - Yes. - It's like, what am I? 313 00:16:21,096 --> 00:16:22,495 - Right. - Am I a horse? 314 00:16:22,531 --> 00:16:24,829 - No. - Am I some kind of horse, 315 00:16:24,867 --> 00:16:27,358 - like a pony? - Or like some kind of 316 00:16:27,402 --> 00:16:29,836 mare or something, you know? 317 00:16:29,872 --> 00:16:33,103 Guys, I don't think this whole double-date thing is working out. 318 00:16:33,141 --> 00:16:34,301 We're gonna get going. 319 00:16:34,343 --> 00:16:36,140 - What? - Why? 320 00:16:36,178 --> 00:16:38,112 You guys are shitfaced. 321 00:16:38,146 --> 00:16:41,206 How dare you? 322 00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:43,810 That is silly. (mouths) 323 00:16:43,852 --> 00:16:46,582 I am sober as a fucking judge! 324 00:16:46,622 --> 00:16:49,352 I think it's fine. They're just a little drunk. 325 00:16:49,391 --> 00:16:50,653 We've all been there. 326 00:16:50,692 --> 00:16:53,252 - Oh, thank you. - Thank you. 327 00:16:53,295 --> 00:16:55,126 - Oh! - (Leslie screams) 328 00:16:55,163 --> 00:16:57,222 Oh, God! You know what we gotta do? 329 00:16:57,266 --> 00:16:58,790 - Say it. - Mexican food. 330 00:16:58,834 --> 00:17:00,802 - Unh! - That does sound good! 331 00:17:00,836 --> 00:17:03,396 We have to go get Mexican food. 332 00:17:03,438 --> 00:17:04,427 It's so good. 333 00:17:04,473 --> 00:17:06,441 - I don't know, guys... - We should do it. 334 00:17:06,475 --> 00:17:08,466 - Shall we vamanos? - Both: Yes! 335 00:17:08,510 --> 00:17:10,341 - Mary: Si, senorita. - Vamanos. 336 00:17:10,379 --> 00:17:12,973 I know the best spot. We could take a taxi. 337 00:17:13,015 --> 00:17:14,004 - Yes. - And that way 338 00:17:14,049 --> 00:17:15,038 we'll get fucking hammered. 339 00:17:15,083 --> 00:17:16,311 - So fu... - king... 340 00:17:16,351 --> 00:17:19,149 hammered! Oh! 341 00:17:19,187 --> 00:17:20,620 - (Ryan snickers) - Leslie: I love the sound of this. 342 00:17:20,656 --> 00:17:23,181 - (Mary squeals) - Ryan: Oh, boy. 343 00:17:23,225 --> 00:17:24,817 Somebody get this guy a fucking drink. 344 00:17:24,860 --> 00:17:28,694 - Mary: You should sleep with him. - Sleep with him. 345 00:17:28,730 --> 00:17:29,856 - He's awesome. - Mary: Yeah! 346 00:17:29,898 --> 00:17:31,126 They crack me up. 347 00:17:31,166 --> 00:17:32,758 Mary: Everybody in the bar have sex tonight. 348 00:17:32,801 --> 00:17:34,792 Leslie: Ryan, what do you do? 349 00:17:34,836 --> 00:17:37,771 Mary and I are in contract law. 350 00:17:37,806 --> 00:17:40,240 - We're both paralegals. - Leslie: Hmm. 351 00:17:40,275 --> 00:17:42,470 But we'll probably be going back to law school soon. 352 00:17:42,511 --> 00:17:44,172 Leslie: Oh? What school do you want to go to? 353 00:17:44,212 --> 00:17:46,680 Wait a minute. Diddling? 354 00:17:46,715 --> 00:17:48,012 Yeah, diddling. 355 00:17:48,050 --> 00:17:50,484 - You know, with... - I know what it means. 356 00:17:50,519 --> 00:17:53,977 - I can't believe you just sat there. - I didn't! 357 00:17:54,022 --> 00:17:58,288 Well, Stanford's the dream, but it's pretty expensive. 358 00:17:59,661 --> 00:18:01,993 (whispers) I know. Fuck yeah. 359 00:18:02,998 --> 00:18:04,431 - (squeals) - You okay, Mary? 360 00:18:04,466 --> 00:18:06,457 Oh, yeah. Yeah. 361 00:18:06,501 --> 00:18:08,366 - Stop it. - Stop what? 362 00:18:09,604 --> 00:18:12,164 - Driver, turn left here. It's quicker. - (moans) 363 00:18:12,207 --> 00:18:13,231 And you didn't say anything? 364 00:18:13,275 --> 00:18:15,038 What was I supposed to do, 365 00:18:15,077 --> 00:18:18,342 let Leslie know that a fingerbanging was happening a foot and a half behind her? 366 00:18:18,380 --> 00:18:21,042 That's not first-date material, bro. I mean, come on. 367 00:18:21,083 --> 00:18:24,519 I'm sorry. Please continue. 368 00:18:24,553 --> 00:18:26,043 So have you guys ever thought about 369 00:18:26,088 --> 00:18:28,420 one of you going to school while the other one works? 370 00:18:28,457 --> 00:18:29,719 Uh-huh. 371 00:18:29,758 --> 00:18:32,022 What, you mean like one of us go and the other one stay? 372 00:18:32,060 --> 00:18:33,220 - Mary: Mmm. - Yeah, you know, take turns. 373 00:18:33,261 --> 00:18:37,664 Mary: Yes! Yes! Definitely! 374 00:18:37,699 --> 00:18:39,894 Well, it sounds like Mary likes the idea. 375 00:18:39,935 --> 00:18:41,163 Mary: Mm-hmm. (gasps) 376 00:18:57,386 --> 00:18:58,375 Oh! Wow! 377 00:19:00,555 --> 00:19:03,388 (laughs) They're really drunk, aren't they? 378 00:19:03,425 --> 00:19:05,950 Yeah. 379 00:19:05,994 --> 00:19:08,485 Uh, she's a little, uh... 380 00:19:08,530 --> 00:19:11,328 tired, so I think we're just gonna 381 00:19:11,366 --> 00:19:14,164 go home and hit the sackaroo. 382 00:19:14,202 --> 00:19:15,601 You guys are cool to get home, right? 383 00:19:15,637 --> 00:19:16,797 Safely? Safely? Safely? 384 00:19:16,838 --> 00:19:19,033 Yeah, we can do that. 385 00:19:19,074 --> 00:19:22,134 - Okay. I will check you later, bro. - (squeals) 386 00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:28,113 Mary: Let's go home. 387 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:36,448 - Hasta lasagna! - Bye now! (squeals) 388 00:19:36,491 --> 00:19:38,721 That was weird. 389 00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:41,160 You have no idea. 390 00:19:41,263 --> 00:19:43,731 So, the three of you spend a lot of time together? 391 00:19:43,799 --> 00:19:45,790 Um, yeah. 392 00:19:45,834 --> 00:19:47,859 I mean, we have. 393 00:19:47,903 --> 00:19:49,370 Maybe that's a little strange. 394 00:19:49,404 --> 00:19:52,373 Mmm. I get it. I've been the third wheel with Ted and Nerissa 395 00:19:52,407 --> 00:19:53,840 way more times than I want to admit. 396 00:19:53,875 --> 00:19:57,606 Well, tonight notwithstanding, Ryan and Mary are good people. 397 00:19:57,646 --> 00:20:02,310 Very perky, maybe a little too perfect, 398 00:20:02,350 --> 00:20:05,478 if you know what I mean. 399 00:20:05,520 --> 00:20:08,045 Well, the way Ted explains it, they might as well be the Antichrist. 400 00:20:08,090 --> 00:20:10,456 - What? - Oh, don't take Ted seriously. 401 00:20:10,492 --> 00:20:12,858 He is a cynic with a flair for the dramatic. 402 00:20:12,894 --> 00:20:16,091 Nerissa says they're good people, and that's good enough for me. 403 00:20:16,131 --> 00:20:18,793 Well, next time we go out, it's just the two of us. 404 00:20:18,834 --> 00:20:21,928 Oh, so there's gonna be a next time, huh? 405 00:20:21,970 --> 00:20:25,030 Yeah. You can't let tonight be the end of it. 406 00:20:25,073 --> 00:20:28,372 I mean, this has just been ridiculous. 407 00:20:30,312 --> 00:20:32,109 What are you doing tomorrow? 408 00:20:32,147 --> 00:20:33,978 Something with you, I hope. 409 00:20:34,015 --> 00:20:37,473 Wow, you really play hard to get, don't you? 410 00:20:38,987 --> 00:20:41,956 Okay, well, in that case, 411 00:20:41,990 --> 00:20:44,618 you should come by at 6:00. 412 00:20:44,659 --> 00:20:47,059 I'm there. 413 00:20:47,095 --> 00:20:49,563 Cool. 414 00:20:49,598 --> 00:20:50,997 What? 415 00:20:51,032 --> 00:20:54,058 Nothing. I just... 416 00:20:54,102 --> 00:20:56,935 I just realized I probably should have waited 417 00:20:56,972 --> 00:20:59,600 till the end of the date to ask you on a second date, 418 00:20:59,641 --> 00:21:02,439 'cause now there's no buildup, 419 00:21:02,477 --> 00:21:04,604 there's no tension, there's no mystery. 420 00:21:06,948 --> 00:21:08,848 How great is that? 421 00:21:20,896 --> 00:21:21,885 Wow! 422 00:21:24,966 --> 00:21:26,831 - Hey! - Scott! 423 00:21:26,868 --> 00:21:30,395 Hi. We are so so 424 00:21:30,438 --> 00:21:33,407 so sorry about last night. 425 00:21:33,441 --> 00:21:36,069 Yeah, we were way over the line. 426 00:21:36,111 --> 00:21:38,102 I don't know what happens to me when I drink. 427 00:21:38,146 --> 00:21:41,547 - I just get so H-O-R-N-Y. - Yeah, 428 00:21:41,583 --> 00:21:46,247 and I am a total man-whore after four cocktails. 429 00:21:46,288 --> 00:21:48,518 We practice hot monogamy. 430 00:21:48,557 --> 00:21:50,548 I'm what you'd call a monogamist slut. 431 00:21:50,592 --> 00:21:54,585 One of the pillars of our relationship. It keeps it spicy. 432 00:21:54,629 --> 00:21:55,618 - Mmm. - Huh? 433 00:21:55,664 --> 00:21:56,961 And it doesn't hurt that I rarely 434 00:21:56,998 --> 00:21:59,592 - if ever wear panties for him. - No it does not. 435 00:21:59,634 --> 00:22:02,228 You must think that we are total pervs. 436 00:22:02,270 --> 00:22:04,761 The whole thing must seem so tawdry. 437 00:22:04,806 --> 00:22:07,036 Ooh! Tawdry. Fantastic word. 438 00:22:07,075 --> 00:22:08,508 - It's awesome, right? - That is an awesome word. 439 00:22:08,543 --> 00:22:12,343 Guys, let's just try to establish and respect some boundaries, all right? 440 00:22:12,380 --> 00:22:14,905 - Can do, Mr. Magoo. - Absolutely. 441 00:22:14,950 --> 00:22:18,044 And to make it up to you, we made brunch. 442 00:22:18,086 --> 00:22:19,485 I can see that. 443 00:22:19,521 --> 00:22:21,079 I could see that from space. 444 00:22:21,122 --> 00:22:24,023 - Diggith inneth. - Bon appétit. 445 00:22:25,026 --> 00:22:28,018 - Mary: We need more eggs. - Ryan: Eggsellent idea. 446 00:22:28,063 --> 00:22:31,555 - Mary: My thoughts eggsactly. - Guys, really, 447 00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:32,999 none of this was necessary. I... 448 00:22:36,838 --> 00:22:39,033 Um... 449 00:22:39,074 --> 00:22:43,135 you know, the less we talk or think or remember about last night the better. 450 00:22:43,178 --> 00:22:45,738 We just feel terrible 451 00:22:45,780 --> 00:22:48,214 that we ruined it for you with Lisa. 452 00:22:48,250 --> 00:22:51,481 Leslie. And, um, you didn't ruin anything. 453 00:22:51,519 --> 00:22:53,009 We're going out tonight. 454 00:22:55,957 --> 00:22:56,946 Wow, 455 00:22:56,992 --> 00:23:00,052 two dates in two days. 456 00:23:00,095 --> 00:23:01,255 Jesus H. Christ, Scott, 457 00:23:01,296 --> 00:23:03,264 I thought we weren't gonna rush into anything this time. 458 00:23:03,298 --> 00:23:07,257 I'm not rushing into anything. It's more of a do-over date anyway. 459 00:23:07,302 --> 00:23:10,999 Whatever. It's like you want to get your heart broken again. 460 00:23:11,039 --> 00:23:15,135 Scott, uh, what about the guy code? 461 00:23:15,176 --> 00:23:18,942 You don't even call the girl the next day, let alone go out with her. 462 00:23:18,980 --> 00:23:20,174 You're never gonna get rid of her now. 463 00:23:20,215 --> 00:23:22,445 I'm not really a guy-code guy, Ryan. 464 00:23:22,484 --> 00:23:24,452 I like to play it by ear. 465 00:23:24,486 --> 00:23:26,386 Yeah. That's been real successful so far. 466 00:23:26,421 --> 00:23:28,616 - Mary! - Dude, she's kidding. 467 00:23:28,657 --> 00:23:31,990 She's kidding. I mean, she is and she isn't. 468 00:23:32,027 --> 00:23:34,018 I am and I amn't. 469 00:23:34,062 --> 00:23:36,553 Look, thank you for breakfast, but I'd like to drop the subject now. 470 00:23:36,598 --> 00:23:37,826 - It's dropped. - Like a bad habit. 471 00:23:37,866 --> 00:23:40,198 - Like a hot potato. - Like an atom bomb. 472 00:23:40,235 --> 00:23:41,964 - Like a prom dress. - Like a... 473 00:23:42,003 --> 00:23:43,129 (slams glass) 474 00:23:44,806 --> 00:23:47,934 Well, it looks like somebody got up 475 00:23:47,976 --> 00:23:50,103 on the wrong side of the bed this morning. 476 00:23:50,145 --> 00:23:51,373 Your eggs are getting cold, Scott. 477 00:23:59,020 --> 00:24:01,955 Man on TV: Other lightweight vacuums are light on power. 478 00:24:01,990 --> 00:24:07,053 That's why Dyson engineered the Dyson Slim... 479 00:24:07,095 --> 00:24:08,562 See you all later. 480 00:24:08,596 --> 00:24:10,587 Wait! 481 00:24:10,632 --> 00:24:12,759 - We have to come with you. - Why? 482 00:24:12,801 --> 00:24:15,998 To apologize to Leslie. 483 00:24:16,037 --> 00:24:18,028 That won't be necessary. 484 00:24:18,073 --> 00:24:20,974 I know, but it would just make us both feel so much better. 485 00:24:21,009 --> 00:24:23,876 Yeah. We got off on the wrong foot. 486 00:24:23,912 --> 00:24:25,709 Such the wrong foot. 487 00:24:26,881 --> 00:24:28,849 Okay. 488 00:24:28,883 --> 00:24:32,375 But you leave after the apology, and absolutely no drinks. 489 00:24:32,420 --> 00:24:34,980 Don't worry, we'll be good. I'm even wearing panties today. 490 00:24:35,023 --> 00:24:36,513 - (squeals) - Scott: Ow. 491 00:24:37,726 --> 00:24:40,695 It just keeps coming. 492 00:24:40,729 --> 00:24:43,721 Look, I really want to spend some time with her. 493 00:24:43,765 --> 00:24:45,164 Alone. 494 00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:47,794 - Right. Say, Ryan? - Hmm? 495 00:24:47,836 --> 00:24:49,633 What's the name of the Canadian rock trio 496 00:24:49,671 --> 00:24:50,933 that recorded the song "Tom Sawyer"? 497 00:24:50,972 --> 00:24:53,634 Why, Mary, that would be Rush. 498 00:24:53,675 --> 00:24:55,905 Which is exactly what Scott is doing with Leslie. 499 00:24:57,412 --> 00:25:00,540 Okay, you guys clearly planned that, and that's just odd. 500 00:25:02,517 --> 00:25:03,506 Come on. 501 00:25:16,398 --> 00:25:17,763 She stood you up, man. 502 00:25:17,799 --> 00:25:21,064 - Left you hanging. - High and dry. 503 00:25:21,102 --> 00:25:23,093 I feel awful. 504 00:25:23,138 --> 00:25:25,402 This is obviously our fault. 505 00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:27,101 Oh, man, this sucks. 506 00:25:27,142 --> 00:25:29,167 So what do you say we go get a drink or 12, nurse the wounds? 507 00:25:29,210 --> 00:25:31,075 - All you can do, really. Right? - Yes. 508 00:25:31,112 --> 00:25:32,204 Shall we? 509 00:25:33,982 --> 00:25:34,971 Hi! 510 00:25:35,016 --> 00:25:36,415 Are you here to see someone? 511 00:25:36,451 --> 00:25:37,850 Uh, yes. Leslie. 512 00:25:37,886 --> 00:25:39,478 Leslie Galinsky? 513 00:25:39,521 --> 00:25:40,852 No, Leslie Green. 514 00:25:40,889 --> 00:25:43,983 Oh, Leslie G. You must be Scott. 515 00:25:44,025 --> 00:25:45,083 Come on in. 516 00:25:45,126 --> 00:25:46,423 Thanks. 517 00:25:47,962 --> 00:25:49,827 Oh, I'm sorry. Invited guests only. 518 00:25:49,864 --> 00:25:51,456 We're with Scotty. 519 00:25:51,499 --> 00:25:54,195 I'm just a woodland nymph with five lines, so... 520 00:26:03,244 --> 00:26:05,007 - Bye. - Thank you. 521 00:26:14,088 --> 00:26:15,282 Oh, hey, you made it. 522 00:26:15,323 --> 00:26:17,314 Hey, yeah, I did. 523 00:26:17,358 --> 00:26:18,552 Sorry to drag you by work like this 524 00:26:18,593 --> 00:26:19,992 but we've been so pressed for time 525 00:26:20,028 --> 00:26:21,586 I've had very little social life lately. 526 00:26:21,629 --> 00:26:25,531 - This is work? - Oh, yes. I do costumes. 527 00:26:25,567 --> 00:26:28,468 I am the seamstress to the semi-stars. 528 00:26:28,503 --> 00:26:29,697 Cool. 529 00:26:29,737 --> 00:26:33,002 But I thought maybe you'd want to see the dress rehearsal, so 530 00:26:33,041 --> 00:26:34,770 I put together some snacks. 531 00:26:36,211 --> 00:26:38,736 And I brought some wine... and beer, 532 00:26:38,780 --> 00:26:40,475 because I know you are a beer man. 533 00:26:42,317 --> 00:26:44,512 Is that cool? 534 00:26:44,552 --> 00:26:46,349 Yeah. That'll do. 535 00:26:46,387 --> 00:26:48,218 Okay, well, let's get a seat. 536 00:27:14,382 --> 00:27:15,940 Woman: Leslie! 537 00:27:17,418 --> 00:27:19,579 Leslie! 538 00:27:19,621 --> 00:27:22,385 We're sorry! We're so sorry. 539 00:27:22,423 --> 00:27:25,187 - It's all on us. - Our bad, not Scott. 540 00:27:25,226 --> 00:27:26,625 - Oh my God. - Ryan: Leslie Green! 541 00:27:26,661 --> 00:27:28,629 - Mary: Not Galinksky! - Ryan: No, you're cool, Galinsky! 542 00:27:28,663 --> 00:27:31,188 Scott didn't do anything! 543 00:27:31,232 --> 00:27:34,133 So if you were planning on hooking up or making out... 544 00:27:34,168 --> 00:27:35,760 Mary: Or going all the way or whatever... 545 00:27:35,803 --> 00:27:38,237 - Ryan: Full speed ahead! - (all groaning) 546 00:27:38,273 --> 00:27:40,366 Thumbs up if you can hear us. 547 00:27:40,408 --> 00:27:41,773 Mary: Groovy? 548 00:27:41,809 --> 00:27:43,367 Ryan: Dude playing Puck, 549 00:27:43,411 --> 00:27:45,242 - you are awesome! - Great! 550 00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:47,805 - Scotty, we'll see you at home. - They gave the thumbs up, right? 551 00:27:47,849 --> 00:27:49,373 - Yeah. - Okay. 552 00:27:54,856 --> 00:27:56,949 Fantastic. 553 00:27:56,991 --> 00:27:58,515 (groans) 554 00:28:25,019 --> 00:28:26,987 Again, I'm sorry about Ryan and Mary. 555 00:28:27,021 --> 00:28:29,251 Just forget about it. I don't want to get worked up over it, 556 00:28:29,290 --> 00:28:34,159 let some gut-wrenching, potentially job-threatening embarrassment 557 00:28:34,195 --> 00:28:35,560 ruin a good date. 558 00:28:35,597 --> 00:28:37,121 Good date? Come on, 559 00:28:37,165 --> 00:28:39,395 this is undoubtedly the best date that I've ever been on. 560 00:28:39,434 --> 00:28:42,232 Yeah, I kind of impressed myself tonight. 561 00:28:42,270 --> 00:28:45,501 Yeah. I mean, the bar has been set ridiculously high. 562 00:28:45,540 --> 00:28:48,100 I'm clearly gonna have to involve air travel on our next date 563 00:28:48,142 --> 00:28:49,131 if I even hope to top this. 564 00:28:49,177 --> 00:28:52,704 Well I don't know about air travel, but... 565 00:28:55,183 --> 00:28:56,650 how do you feel about a wedding? 566 00:28:57,785 --> 00:28:59,343 Ours? 567 00:28:59,387 --> 00:29:01,355 No. 568 00:29:01,389 --> 00:29:03,220 Ted and Nerissa are getting married in two weeks 569 00:29:03,257 --> 00:29:04,383 and I'm the maid of honor. 570 00:29:04,425 --> 00:29:08,521 And I don't have a date. 571 00:29:08,563 --> 00:29:11,999 And I kind of don't think I'm gonna meet anyone 572 00:29:12,033 --> 00:29:13,933 I'm gonna want to go with more than you before then, 573 00:29:13,968 --> 00:29:18,871 so come with me. 574 00:29:18,906 --> 00:29:22,933 Yeah, absolutely. Weddings are a total turn-on for chicks. 575 00:29:22,977 --> 00:29:25,104 You don't stand a chance after that. 576 00:29:25,146 --> 00:29:27,580 (laughs) I like this. 577 00:29:27,615 --> 00:29:31,642 - What? - That I can tell you that I like you 578 00:29:31,686 --> 00:29:35,281 and not have to worry that I'm gonna regret it later. 579 00:29:35,323 --> 00:29:37,052 No, you definitely won't. 580 00:29:37,091 --> 00:29:40,254 I feel like I don't have to play games with you. 581 00:29:40,294 --> 00:29:43,229 I don't have to couch anything. 582 00:29:43,264 --> 00:29:45,494 I don't even know what couch means as a verb. 583 00:29:45,533 --> 00:29:48,400 So, no, 584 00:29:48,436 --> 00:29:50,199 you definitely don't have to do that. 585 00:29:56,744 --> 00:29:59,713 - (horn honks) - Woman: Leslie, time to go! 586 00:29:59,747 --> 00:30:02,910 Oh, that's my ride. 587 00:30:02,950 --> 00:30:05,043 I can take you home. 588 00:30:05,086 --> 00:30:08,021 That's all right. As great as this date has been, 589 00:30:08,056 --> 00:30:09,921 I don't want to rush anything. 590 00:30:11,225 --> 00:30:12,522 Me neither. 591 00:30:18,099 --> 00:30:19,088 I'll call you. 592 00:30:19,133 --> 00:30:21,863 - Okay. - Good night. 593 00:30:39,220 --> 00:30:41,984 Ryan: Please, just shut up! 594 00:30:42,023 --> 00:30:43,422 (china breaks) 595 00:30:48,763 --> 00:30:50,321 (china tinkles) 596 00:30:51,365 --> 00:30:54,766 Hey! There's the man! 597 00:30:56,370 --> 00:30:57,632 Mary, is everything okay? 598 00:30:57,672 --> 00:31:00,038 Everything's fine. Was it a good night? 599 00:31:00,074 --> 00:31:02,440 It was great, after you guys stopped shouting at us. 600 00:31:02,477 --> 00:31:04,638 Mary: Oh, you did hear. Good. 601 00:31:04,679 --> 00:31:06,738 Yeah, they heard in Cucamonga. 602 00:31:06,781 --> 00:31:07,907 What's with this plate? 603 00:31:07,949 --> 00:31:11,316 Oh. Little accident on my part. 604 00:31:11,352 --> 00:31:13,320 It's a long story. 605 00:31:13,354 --> 00:31:16,152 I will replace that. Nothing major. 606 00:31:16,190 --> 00:31:18,215 Nothing major. 607 00:31:19,327 --> 00:31:21,295 Were you guys fighting? 608 00:31:21,329 --> 00:31:25,265 Hah! I told you, we don't fight. 609 00:31:25,299 --> 00:31:27,062 It's not our thing, buddy. 610 00:31:28,469 --> 00:31:31,063 I think they're clean, lamb chop. 611 00:31:31,105 --> 00:31:33,596 I'll decide that, honeybunches. 612 00:31:33,641 --> 00:31:36,940 Ryan, who were you just yelling at to shut up? 613 00:31:36,978 --> 00:31:40,709 What? No one. What? 614 00:31:40,748 --> 00:31:44,411 So, Scotty, was it a good night? 615 00:31:44,452 --> 00:31:46,750 - Did you tap that ass yet? - Mary! 616 00:31:46,788 --> 00:31:50,724 Aw, come on. Did you give her the old hot beef injection? 617 00:31:50,758 --> 00:31:52,885 - Mary, what the hell? - Did you make like Sam the Butcher 618 00:31:52,927 --> 00:31:55,395 - and bring Alice the meat? - Jesus, Mary. 619 00:31:55,429 --> 00:31:59,126 Ryan: Mmm. This sex talk have me heap big in the mood. 620 00:31:59,167 --> 00:32:02,500 Mary: Oh, I love it when you talk caveman. 621 00:32:02,537 --> 00:32:04,402 Ryan: That was, uh, Indian, dear. 622 00:32:04,438 --> 00:32:07,032 Mary: No, don't be silly. Indian is like, 623 00:32:07,074 --> 00:32:09,372 "Oh, curry in a hurry, Mr. Curry Man." 624 00:32:09,410 --> 00:32:11,503 Native American Indian. 625 00:32:11,546 --> 00:32:12,808 - Oh. - Oh. 626 00:32:12,847 --> 00:32:15,213 - Mary: Geronimo. - Mmm. 627 00:32:16,651 --> 00:32:18,414 - Come here. - Ooh! 628 00:32:18,452 --> 00:32:20,716 - Good night. - Good night. 629 00:32:20,755 --> 00:32:22,655 Mary: Take me to your wigwam, Chief. 630 00:32:22,690 --> 00:32:27,423 I'm gonna trade you $27 worth of trinkets for that ass. 631 00:32:27,461 --> 00:32:29,793 - Hi-ya hi-ya... - (Mary squeals) 632 00:32:29,831 --> 00:32:33,130 - (thumping) - Mary: Put me on the bearskin rug! 633 00:32:33,167 --> 00:32:34,327 Ryan: Here's some wampum. 634 00:32:42,476 --> 00:32:44,706 (phone rings) 635 00:32:44,745 --> 00:32:46,804 Mary: I got it! 636 00:32:52,453 --> 00:32:56,253 Mary: Hey, Scotty Dog, phone! 637 00:33:01,062 --> 00:33:03,690 - Hello? - Hi, Scotty Dog! 638 00:33:03,731 --> 00:33:07,599 Hey, Leslie. Have you been talking to Mary for the last 20 minutes? 639 00:33:07,635 --> 00:33:09,000 Is that a problem? 640 00:33:09,036 --> 00:33:12,267 No, it's just... they were acting really weird last night. 641 00:33:12,306 --> 00:33:15,434 In fact I'm beginning to think they're just weird in general. 642 00:33:15,476 --> 00:33:17,171 What were you guys talking about? 643 00:33:17,211 --> 00:33:19,406 Oh, you know, girl stuff. 644 00:33:19,447 --> 00:33:21,381 (door slams) 645 00:33:21,415 --> 00:33:24,714 So, what are you doing Friday? Do you want to hang out? 646 00:33:24,752 --> 00:33:26,811 Yeah, I'd love to. 647 00:33:26,854 --> 00:33:28,719 I hear you like the batting cages. 648 00:33:28,756 --> 00:33:32,283 (clinking, crashing) 649 00:33:32,326 --> 00:33:35,386 - Where did you hear that? - I have my sources. 650 00:33:35,429 --> 00:33:37,397 - (slamming, banging) - So, Friday at 7:00? 651 00:33:37,431 --> 00:33:41,925 And by the way, I have now asked you out twice. 652 00:33:41,969 --> 00:33:44,028 - (crashing) I know, and I'm way behind. 653 00:33:44,071 --> 00:33:46,596 I have to log at least twice as many as you 654 00:33:46,641 --> 00:33:48,700 if I'm going to feel even remotely like a man. 655 00:33:48,743 --> 00:33:52,338 Well, get to work, lazybones. I'll see you Friday, okay? 656 00:33:52,380 --> 00:33:54,314 - Okay. - Bye. 657 00:33:54,348 --> 00:33:55,713 Bye. 658 00:33:55,750 --> 00:33:59,151 (loud crashing) 659 00:34:02,290 --> 00:34:04,087 Jesus, you guys hungry or something? 660 00:34:04,125 --> 00:34:06,457 Oh, I don't know, Scott. Maybe we're just being weird. 661 00:34:06,494 --> 00:34:08,359 Yeah, weird that you would say that, 662 00:34:08,396 --> 00:34:10,762 because I've been feeling weird lately. 663 00:34:10,798 --> 00:34:12,231 That is so weird! 664 00:34:12,266 --> 00:34:13,255 - That's weird. - Weird. 665 00:34:13,301 --> 00:34:15,667 Guys, is something going on? 666 00:34:15,703 --> 00:34:17,500 Is this, like, a thing? 667 00:34:17,538 --> 00:34:20,735 She heard you tell Lisa that you think we're weird. 668 00:34:20,775 --> 00:34:22,709 - Leslie. - Leslie! Fuck! 669 00:34:22,743 --> 00:34:24,267 Why do I have such trouble with that name? 670 00:34:24,312 --> 00:34:26,280 I do too. It's like, Lisa, Leslie... 671 00:34:26,314 --> 00:34:27,474 But you had no right to hear that. 672 00:34:27,515 --> 00:34:30,973 I was just in the process of hanging up the phone 673 00:34:31,018 --> 00:34:32,349 and making sure you'd picked up the call, 674 00:34:32,386 --> 00:34:36,049 and that it was connecting, and... 675 00:34:36,090 --> 00:34:39,753 Scott, come on. 676 00:34:39,794 --> 00:34:40,954 Do you think we're weird? 677 00:34:40,995 --> 00:34:42,257 (laughs) 678 00:34:42,296 --> 00:34:44,856 Yeah. Yes. 679 00:34:44,899 --> 00:34:48,357 If you want to know the truth, yes, I think you guys are a little weird. 680 00:34:48,402 --> 00:34:49,835 Us? 681 00:34:49,870 --> 00:34:51,428 I'm sure. 682 00:34:51,472 --> 00:34:54,134 Scott, I was a Gerber baby. 683 00:34:54,175 --> 00:34:57,838 And I am from Marblehead, Massachusetts... 684 00:34:57,878 --> 00:34:59,345 - Idyllic! - Born and raised. 685 00:34:59,380 --> 00:35:02,747 - Yeah. - Scott, what is so weird about us? 686 00:35:02,783 --> 00:35:05,513 Well, okay, for starters, the whole no-fighting thing. 687 00:35:05,553 --> 00:35:06,986 That's... it's just odd. 688 00:35:07,021 --> 00:35:09,956 We're not into the conflict thing, Scott. 689 00:35:09,991 --> 00:35:13,757 I'm just curious. Do you want us to break up or something? 690 00:35:13,794 --> 00:35:15,853 - Right? - No, I don't want you to break up. 691 00:35:15,896 --> 00:35:18,524 But it's just that normal couples fight, 692 00:35:20,634 --> 00:35:22,829 and it's very healthy for the relationship. 693 00:35:22,870 --> 00:35:24,497 Now I'm just confused. 694 00:35:24,538 --> 00:35:27,371 I mean, I don't even know how to do that. 695 00:35:27,408 --> 00:35:31,504 Okay. Just... here, come here. 696 00:35:31,545 --> 00:35:34,241 Okay. Mary, you sit here. 697 00:35:34,281 --> 00:35:38,741 Ryan, you sit here. 698 00:35:38,786 --> 00:35:42,119 No no, guys, get... trust me here. 699 00:35:42,156 --> 00:35:43,783 Sit apart. 700 00:35:43,824 --> 00:35:45,189 There. 701 00:35:48,362 --> 00:35:52,560 Now, clearly there was something 702 00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:53,965 going on last night, 703 00:35:54,001 --> 00:35:55,730 so let's draw from there. 704 00:35:55,770 --> 00:35:56,759 All right? 705 00:35:56,804 --> 00:36:00,035 Now, tell him what you think. 706 00:36:00,074 --> 00:36:03,407 Okay. 707 00:36:03,444 --> 00:36:05,469 Ryan, 708 00:36:06,547 --> 00:36:09,141 - you were being a dummy. - Ryan: Okay, uh, 709 00:36:09,183 --> 00:36:12,949 I appreciate that you're speaking from a place of anger right now. 710 00:36:12,987 --> 00:36:15,455 - Thank you. - No! Okay, look. 711 00:36:15,489 --> 00:36:17,889 Tell her what you were really thinking last night. 712 00:36:19,427 --> 00:36:21,486 Okay. Uh, I... 713 00:36:21,529 --> 00:36:26,330 Mary, I wish that you would shut your trap, uh, 714 00:36:26,367 --> 00:36:29,894 about the toilet seat. 715 00:36:29,937 --> 00:36:31,996 - Yes, very good. - Blabbermouth. 716 00:36:32,039 --> 00:36:34,473 Nice. Okay now, Mary, your rebuttal. 717 00:36:34,508 --> 00:36:36,942 Um, 718 00:36:36,977 --> 00:36:39,104 Freak. 719 00:36:40,314 --> 00:36:42,407 Twat. 720 00:36:42,450 --> 00:36:43,917 - Ass hat. - Bitch. 721 00:36:43,951 --> 00:36:45,509 Shitheel. 722 00:36:45,553 --> 00:36:46,952 Strumpet. 723 00:36:46,987 --> 00:36:48,477 Jerkoff. 724 00:36:48,522 --> 00:36:49,989 Ryan: Queef waffle. 725 00:36:50,024 --> 00:36:51,651 Mary: Nagfucker. 726 00:36:51,692 --> 00:36:52,989 Tampon wrapper. 727 00:36:53,027 --> 00:36:54,392 Mama's boy. 728 00:36:54,428 --> 00:36:56,658 Bloody fucking cun... 729 00:36:56,697 --> 00:36:59,461 Ow! Oh! 730 00:37:02,436 --> 00:37:06,167 You know, in the UK that word's not really that big of a deal. 731 00:37:06,207 --> 00:37:07,572 I know. 732 00:37:07,608 --> 00:37:11,009 But this is an important lesson on escalation. 733 00:37:12,546 --> 00:37:17,313 You can't go from a slap fight to a C-bomb. 734 00:37:17,351 --> 00:37:20,980 And look. You had a fight and you're not breaking up. 735 00:37:21,021 --> 00:37:23,251 - No. - No, no. 736 00:37:23,290 --> 00:37:25,918 Scott, you're right. 737 00:37:25,960 --> 00:37:29,054 We have a lot of issues that we've repressed 738 00:37:29,096 --> 00:37:32,554 and you're right, we need to work on that. 739 00:37:32,600 --> 00:37:34,830 Yeah. Thank you, Scott. 740 00:37:34,869 --> 00:37:37,861 I think it's clear that we both learned a lot tonight. 741 00:37:40,074 --> 00:37:42,065 I can't tell you how much you mean to us, buddy. 742 00:37:42,109 --> 00:37:45,545 Wow. Well, that's really nice. 743 00:37:45,579 --> 00:37:47,740 I'm just so glad we found you. 744 00:37:49,416 --> 00:37:51,077 Aw, come here. 745 00:37:54,622 --> 00:37:57,022 Oh. 746 00:37:57,191 --> 00:37:59,625 # Let's go, let's go, it's on # 747 00:37:59,693 --> 00:38:02,924 # Let's go, let's go along # 748 00:38:02,963 --> 00:38:04,225 # Let's go, let's go... # 749 00:38:04,265 --> 00:38:06,893 - What's up, roomie? - Whoa! 750 00:38:12,273 --> 00:38:14,002 - Hey. - You okay there, buddy? 751 00:38:14,041 --> 00:38:16,305 Do you want to move on to free weights, blasts those delts? 752 00:38:16,343 --> 00:38:17,810 - Pump your lats? - Pound your glutes? 753 00:38:19,813 --> 00:38:21,007 What do you say? 754 00:38:21,048 --> 00:38:24,017 Uh, no thanks. I'm done. 755 00:38:24,051 --> 00:38:26,042 - What a coincidence. - We're done too. 756 00:38:26,086 --> 00:38:27,849 - Ryan: Yeah. - (Scott laughs) 757 00:38:27,888 --> 00:38:29,549 But you guys just got here. 758 00:38:29,590 --> 00:38:31,615 Hey, we work hard, not long. 759 00:38:31,659 --> 00:38:33,593 - That's how we roll. - God damn right it is. 760 00:38:33,627 --> 00:38:35,219 Where are you headed? 761 00:38:35,262 --> 00:38:36,786 Mind if we come with? 762 00:38:36,830 --> 00:38:38,798 No, it won't be necessary. 763 00:38:38,832 --> 00:38:42,359 My head's kind of hurting, so I'm gonna go get some aspirin or something. 764 00:38:42,403 --> 00:38:43,495 Golly. 765 00:38:43,537 --> 00:38:46,199 Didn't think it was a crime to want to spend some time with a friend. 766 00:38:46,240 --> 00:38:49,038 Yeah, I mean if you want to be alone, be alone. 767 00:38:49,076 --> 00:38:50,737 - We're history. - Past tense. 768 00:38:50,778 --> 00:38:52,370 - Ghosts. - Hasta lasagna. 769 00:38:52,413 --> 00:38:54,574 - Peace out... - Scott: Okay, later. 770 00:38:54,615 --> 00:38:56,583 Okay. 771 00:38:56,617 --> 00:38:59,450 Well, what time will you be home? 772 00:38:59,486 --> 00:39:02,478 # Let's go, let's go, it's on # 773 00:39:02,523 --> 00:39:05,720 # Let's go, let's go along # 774 00:39:05,759 --> 00:39:09,217 # Let's go, let's go, we'll get it on # 775 00:39:09,263 --> 00:39:12,232 # Let's go, I'm going off # 776 00:39:12,266 --> 00:39:15,463 # Let's go, let's go right now # 777 00:39:15,502 --> 00:39:18,767 # Let's go, we're going out # 778 00:39:18,806 --> 00:39:22,037 # You'll never know until you go # 779 00:39:22,076 --> 00:39:25,239 # Just what it's all about... # 780 00:39:25,279 --> 00:39:27,679 Damn, you're good. Our kids would be Hall-of-Famers. 781 00:39:27,715 --> 00:39:30,775 We had three dates. You've got us having kids? 782 00:39:31,785 --> 00:39:34,583 - Just an expression. - You never know. 783 00:39:39,226 --> 00:39:41,694 - You moving? - I have to. 784 00:39:41,729 --> 00:39:44,163 My apartment building is going condo. 785 00:39:44,198 --> 00:39:46,166 How long do you have before you have to move? 786 00:39:46,200 --> 00:39:48,031 Mmm, like 40 days. 787 00:39:50,938 --> 00:39:52,735 Leslie... 788 00:39:52,773 --> 00:39:55,799 I know this sounds crazy and we haven't known each other that long, 789 00:39:55,843 --> 00:39:58,778 but... move in with me. 790 00:39:58,812 --> 00:40:00,473 What? 791 00:40:00,514 --> 00:40:02,243 I'm serious. 792 00:40:02,283 --> 00:40:04,979 You can have your own room and... 793 00:40:05,019 --> 00:40:07,317 you know, it'll be like we're roommates. 794 00:40:07,354 --> 00:40:10,983 Oh my God. (stammers) 795 00:40:11,025 --> 00:40:13,585 I mean, what about Ryan and Mary? 796 00:40:14,695 --> 00:40:17,926 To be honest, it's not really working out. 797 00:40:17,965 --> 00:40:21,628 I'll give them plenty of notice and it'll be fine. 798 00:40:21,669 --> 00:40:23,933 L-I don't know. I mean, I... I guess 799 00:40:23,971 --> 00:40:26,872 I just need to think about it. This is so out of the blue, Scott. 800 00:40:26,907 --> 00:40:29,876 I'm gonna need, like, some time to... 801 00:40:29,910 --> 00:40:31,935 - I... - Yeah. 802 00:40:31,979 --> 00:40:34,914 I... I think... 803 00:40:34,948 --> 00:40:36,939 we should go back to your place right now. 804 00:40:36,984 --> 00:40:38,315 Okay. 805 00:40:38,352 --> 00:40:40,980 'Cause I don't want to wait another minute. 806 00:40:41,021 --> 00:40:42,955 - Okay? - Mm-hmm. 807 00:40:46,427 --> 00:40:48,418 Happy birthday to me. 808 00:40:49,430 --> 00:40:51,125 It's just right here. 809 00:40:52,132 --> 00:40:54,066 - Okay, now... - (giggling) 810 00:40:54,101 --> 00:40:56,001 Let me check to make sure Ryan and Mary aren't here. 811 00:40:56,036 --> 00:40:58,129 Okay, well, hurry up. Hurry up. Hurry up. 812 00:40:58,172 --> 00:41:01,107 (both giggling) 813 00:41:02,109 --> 00:41:04,907 Oh, hey! Where are you going? 814 00:41:04,945 --> 00:41:06,936 I was going to get us something to drink. 815 00:41:06,980 --> 00:41:08,641 Oh. 816 00:41:08,682 --> 00:41:12,243 Well, there is no time for that. 817 00:41:12,286 --> 00:41:14,151 Where is your bedroom? 818 00:41:15,889 --> 00:41:18,187 I like where this is heading. 819 00:41:22,262 --> 00:41:25,459 Slow down. What are you doing? Slow down. 820 00:41:25,499 --> 00:41:27,262 Hold on... watch out. 821 00:41:28,902 --> 00:41:30,870 Why are you going outside? 822 00:41:34,508 --> 00:41:37,636 All: Surprise! 823 00:41:37,678 --> 00:41:40,306 # For he's a jolly good fellow # 824 00:41:40,347 --> 00:41:42,713 # For he's a jolly good fellow # 825 00:41:42,750 --> 00:41:47,278 # For he's a jolly good fellow # 826 00:41:47,321 --> 00:41:49,915 # Which nobody can deny... # 827 00:41:49,957 --> 00:41:52,551 - Stop! Okay, that's fine. Stop. - # Which nobody can deny... # 828 00:41:52,593 --> 00:41:55,084 - Yeah, stop. - (singing dies down) 829 00:41:55,129 --> 00:41:57,962 - Who planned this? - That would be us. 830 00:41:57,998 --> 00:42:01,092 - Chicka chicka boo-ya! - Hey! 831 00:42:01,135 --> 00:42:03,126 Mary: Happy b-day. 832 00:42:03,170 --> 00:42:05,968 Did you take that picture while I was sleeping? 833 00:42:06,006 --> 00:42:08,736 You just looked so peaceful. 834 00:42:08,776 --> 00:42:13,440 We figured since you don't have any friends that throw in a rockin' party, 835 00:42:13,480 --> 00:42:15,311 it'd be a great way for you to make some new ones. 836 00:42:15,349 --> 00:42:17,442 - Right? - All: Yeah! 837 00:42:17,484 --> 00:42:20,453 No no, that's very funny, but I have lots of friends, 838 00:42:20,487 --> 00:42:23,456 - just not in L.A. Right now, okay? - (all grumbling) 839 00:42:23,490 --> 00:42:25,890 Were you a part of this? 840 00:42:25,926 --> 00:42:29,384 This is what Mary and I were talking about on the phone. 841 00:42:29,430 --> 00:42:32,297 You know, right before you called us weird. 842 00:42:32,332 --> 00:42:35,130 - Mmm, yeah, thanks again for that. - Yeah. 843 00:42:35,169 --> 00:42:37,467 How did you even know it was my birthday? 844 00:42:37,504 --> 00:42:41,235 Well, you left your driver's license on the counter a couple days ago... 845 00:42:41,275 --> 00:42:43,038 And so you just... you just picked it up? 846 00:42:43,076 --> 00:42:45,567 Dude, she wanted to know your middle name. What... 847 00:42:45,612 --> 00:42:46,943 - It's Paul. - Paul. 848 00:42:46,980 --> 00:42:48,504 Everyone, it's Paul. 849 00:42:48,549 --> 00:42:51,279 All: Paul! 850 00:42:51,318 --> 00:42:54,310 Do you two have any awareness of what personal space and privacy are? 851 00:42:54,354 --> 00:42:57,721 Is the idea of keeping your pesky noses out of my business 852 00:42:57,758 --> 00:43:00,556 so impossible for you to fathom? 853 00:43:00,594 --> 00:43:02,585 Good night, everybody. Thank you for coming 854 00:43:02,629 --> 00:43:05,598 - but there's no party! - (all groaning) 855 00:43:07,301 --> 00:43:08,700 Good night. 856 00:43:09,703 --> 00:43:10,931 Scott! 857 00:43:10,971 --> 00:43:12,836 Scott? 858 00:43:12,873 --> 00:43:14,898 Scott! 859 00:43:14,942 --> 00:43:17,069 How could you do that to Ryan and Mary? 860 00:43:17,110 --> 00:43:19,772 They went to all this trouble to throw a party for you and... 861 00:43:19,813 --> 00:43:22,008 granted, I guess the people they invited 862 00:43:22,049 --> 00:43:24,984 aren't the coolest people on the planet, but they seem really nice. 863 00:43:25,018 --> 00:43:27,543 Can't you just be thankful that you have such good friends? 864 00:43:27,588 --> 00:43:29,647 Leslie, you don't understand, okay? 865 00:43:29,690 --> 00:43:32,352 There's something very very wrong about Ryan and Mary. 866 00:43:32,392 --> 00:43:33,984 What? What did they do? 867 00:43:34,027 --> 00:43:35,995 Well, they... 868 00:43:36,029 --> 00:43:37,792 and... 869 00:43:39,099 --> 00:43:42,865 It's hard to explain, okay? But... they're freaks, all right? 870 00:43:42,903 --> 00:43:47,704 Wow. Okay, well remind me never to throw you a surprise party. 871 00:43:47,741 --> 00:43:50,266 Leslie, wait, sorry. Please... 872 00:43:50,310 --> 00:43:52,403 I'm sorry. Could you just wait? 873 00:43:57,618 --> 00:43:59,609 (feedback over microphone) 874 00:44:01,121 --> 00:44:03,248 Everyone? 875 00:44:03,290 --> 00:44:05,485 (feedback) 876 00:44:05,526 --> 00:44:08,984 I... I am... I'm sorry about all this. 877 00:44:09,029 --> 00:44:10,929 Um, I hope you stay. Please stay. 878 00:44:10,964 --> 00:44:14,559 It'd mean a lot to me. Um, I'll be honest: 879 00:44:14,601 --> 00:44:17,126 I, uh, I... 880 00:44:17,170 --> 00:44:19,638 I don't have any friends right now in L.A. 881 00:44:19,673 --> 00:44:23,666 So I didn't tell the few people that I do know about my birthday 882 00:44:23,710 --> 00:44:27,544 because I was afraid that I would look like a complete loser... 883 00:44:27,581 --> 00:44:29,515 um... 884 00:44:29,550 --> 00:44:31,916 if I didn't have anybody to celebrate with. 885 00:44:33,186 --> 00:44:35,552 I, um, I'm glad you're all here 886 00:44:35,589 --> 00:44:38,114 and I hope you'll stay 887 00:44:38,158 --> 00:44:40,149 and forgive me for lashing out at you. 888 00:44:43,564 --> 00:44:45,725 And let's have some fun. 889 00:44:45,766 --> 00:44:48,667 DJ, drop it like it's hot. 890 00:44:49,803 --> 00:44:51,464 (record screeches, heavy metal song begins) 891 00:44:51,505 --> 00:44:54,906 # Die now, die # 892 00:44:54,942 --> 00:44:58,309 - # Die now, die # - (all singing along) 893 00:44:58,345 --> 00:45:01,872 # Die now, die! # 894 00:45:01,915 --> 00:45:05,783 # Die now, die... # 895 00:45:13,694 --> 00:45:16,094 - I'm sorry. - It's okay. 896 00:45:16,129 --> 00:45:17,721 You're not gonna leave, are you? 897 00:45:17,764 --> 00:45:21,996 I'll bet the DJ can play some Norwegian black metal, 898 00:45:22,035 --> 00:45:24,094 maybe some Limp Bizkit. 899 00:45:24,137 --> 00:45:26,799 Uh, Limp Bizkit is a deal breaker. 900 00:45:26,840 --> 00:45:28,637 # I can't wait # 901 00:45:37,551 --> 00:45:39,849 (pop song playing) 902 00:45:51,665 --> 00:45:53,758 (giggles) 903 00:45:59,539 --> 00:46:02,372 # My love # 904 00:46:02,409 --> 00:46:05,537 # Tell me what it's all about # 905 00:46:07,714 --> 00:46:09,511 (Ryan whirring) 906 00:46:09,549 --> 00:46:12,017 Sporty Spice. 907 00:46:12,052 --> 00:46:14,520 - Oh! - Look at that... cute. 908 00:46:16,256 --> 00:46:19,248 Holy shit, he really does live with them. I thought you were kidding. 909 00:46:19,292 --> 00:46:20,850 Honey, you promised, remember? 910 00:46:20,894 --> 00:46:23,328 - I need to talk to you. - Hi, I'm... 911 00:46:23,363 --> 00:46:25,092 Hi. 912 00:46:27,601 --> 00:46:29,091 Woman: Aww! 913 00:46:29,136 --> 00:46:31,570 - Thank you, thank you. - Mwah! 914 00:46:31,605 --> 00:46:36,042 Hey, Ted, you have history with Ryan and Mary. 915 00:46:36,076 --> 00:46:38,601 Can I talk to you about them? 916 00:46:38,645 --> 00:46:41,808 You're going to want something much stronger than beer. 917 00:46:44,718 --> 00:46:47,118 Okay, I'm not even going to tell you what I had to promise Ted 918 00:46:47,154 --> 00:46:48,451 to get him here. 919 00:46:48,488 --> 00:46:51,218 You know, it's not that I mind doing it, but... 920 00:46:51,258 --> 00:46:53,522 I'm not gonna tell you. 921 00:46:53,560 --> 00:46:55,357 The joys of a long-term relationship. 922 00:46:55,395 --> 00:46:56,953 Girl, you have no idea. 923 00:46:56,997 --> 00:46:58,692 No, I don't. 924 00:46:58,732 --> 00:47:00,791 Oh, speaking of which, what's going on with that one? 925 00:47:00,834 --> 00:47:05,635 Yeah, that's the thing. Um, Scott asked me to move in with him. 926 00:47:05,672 --> 00:47:08,140 Jeez, he doesn't waste any time. 927 00:47:09,509 --> 00:47:11,272 Wait a minute... what did you say? 928 00:47:11,311 --> 00:47:14,405 Well, I'm kinda leaning toward yes. 929 00:47:15,482 --> 00:47:17,814 Not again. Are you serious? 930 00:47:17,851 --> 00:47:20,513 - It's different this time. - How? How is it different? 931 00:47:20,554 --> 00:47:23,580 Because I'm going to wait to commit to a decision... 932 00:47:23,623 --> 00:47:24,749 Good... wait. 933 00:47:24,791 --> 00:47:28,124 - Until after we go to your wedding together. 934 00:47:29,196 --> 00:47:32,063 A week? You're going to wait one week? That's the difference? 935 00:47:32,099 --> 00:47:35,091 A week is long... 936 00:47:35,135 --> 00:47:36,295 - ish. 937 00:47:36,336 --> 00:47:38,827 Oh my God. Have you even... 938 00:47:38,872 --> 00:47:41,067 - No. I know. - So you're going to live here and... 939 00:47:41,108 --> 00:47:43,804 - No, it's his birthday tonight. - Okay. 940 00:47:43,844 --> 00:47:46,870 And so I'm thinking, you know, if he plays his cards right, 941 00:47:46,913 --> 00:47:49,882 - like... - Oh my God. 942 00:47:49,916 --> 00:47:52,407 - Oh my God! - (Leslie giggling) 943 00:47:52,452 --> 00:47:55,285 Okay, well, then we're going to need this. 944 00:47:55,322 --> 00:47:56,311 - Yeah. - Yeah. 945 00:47:56,356 --> 00:47:58,324 - Let's open that. - Let's open it 946 00:47:58,358 --> 00:48:00,622 'cause we're both gonna be busy. 947 00:48:11,671 --> 00:48:14,003 Damn near killed her! 948 00:48:14,040 --> 00:48:16,065 - We need to talk. - You get the olives? 949 00:48:16,109 --> 00:48:18,669 How can you think about olives at a time like this? 950 00:48:18,712 --> 00:48:21,545 Well, what am I supposed to put in my martini, love? A pork chop? 951 00:48:21,581 --> 00:48:24,243 Just shut up and come with me to the bathroom! 952 00:48:24,284 --> 00:48:25,945 - (record screeches to halt) - Okay. 953 00:48:25,986 --> 00:48:28,318 Have a cocktail. 954 00:48:28,355 --> 00:48:31,085 See? They even go to the friggin' can together. 955 00:48:31,124 --> 00:48:33,422 Let me ask you one thing: Have you ever once seen them apart? 956 00:48:33,460 --> 00:48:35,826 No, I guess not. Not really. 957 00:48:35,862 --> 00:48:38,990 No, of course not, because they, my friend, are a couple monster. 958 00:48:39,032 --> 00:48:41,466 - A couple monster? - They go to lunch together; 959 00:48:41,501 --> 00:48:43,366 they go to the gym together; they go to bars together; 960 00:48:43,403 --> 00:48:47,066 they commute together. I heard they share a cubicle at work... 961 00:48:47,107 --> 00:48:50,975 not an office; a cubicle. That's not right. 962 00:48:51,978 --> 00:48:53,673 And the sick part about it is, 963 00:48:53,713 --> 00:48:55,442 because they spend all of their time together, 964 00:48:55,482 --> 00:48:57,882 they have absolutely nothing left to talk about... 965 00:48:57,918 --> 00:49:01,149 nothing to keep them from going lighthouse crazy. 966 00:49:01,188 --> 00:49:03,816 - That's why they latch. - Latch? 967 00:49:03,857 --> 00:49:07,054 Back when I knew them, they spent all of their time with this girl, 968 00:49:07,093 --> 00:49:09,687 um, Amy. Amy was like the buffer between them. 969 00:49:09,729 --> 00:49:10,923 She was their third wheel. 970 00:49:10,964 --> 00:49:13,091 She was the one they could talk about their day with. 971 00:49:13,133 --> 00:49:14,760 She was the one that they could deflect 972 00:49:14,801 --> 00:49:17,031 all their weird fuck tension onto instead of each other. 973 00:49:17,070 --> 00:49:18,799 - So what happened to Amy? - Don't know. 974 00:49:18,839 --> 00:49:21,239 She got wise, got out. Maybe they cooked and ate her. Who knows? 975 00:49:21,274 --> 00:49:25,040 But the important thing is, dude, you are the new Amy. 976 00:49:26,079 --> 00:49:28,206 And from what you've told me 977 00:49:28,248 --> 00:49:30,239 about them trying to screw up your dates with Leslie... 978 00:49:30,283 --> 00:49:33,377 I didn't say that they were trying. They just... they nearly did. 979 00:49:33,420 --> 00:49:34,785 Think about it: 980 00:49:34,821 --> 00:49:37,016 If you end up with Leslie, they are out of the picture. 981 00:49:37,057 --> 00:49:39,685 They are clearly not going to let that happen. 982 00:49:39,726 --> 00:49:41,250 And let me tell you one more thing: 983 00:49:41,294 --> 00:49:42,989 If I wanted to make you look like a loser 984 00:49:43,029 --> 00:49:44,758 in front of a potential girlfriend, 985 00:49:44,798 --> 00:49:48,325 this is pretty much exactly the party I would throw for you. 986 00:49:52,305 --> 00:49:54,773 Happy birthday, Amy. 987 00:49:57,944 --> 00:50:00,276 (man shouting in Japanese) 988 00:50:04,684 --> 00:50:06,379 Scott: And that's when I realized they were trying 989 00:50:06,419 --> 00:50:08,819 to sabotage my relationship with Leslie. 990 00:50:08,855 --> 00:50:10,345 I don't know, man. 991 00:50:10,390 --> 00:50:12,950 Sounds like they were just maybe trying to keep you from rushing it, 992 00:50:12,993 --> 00:50:14,654 like they said they would do. 993 00:50:14,694 --> 00:50:17,891 You're listening to Ted? Leslie told you he was a cynic. 994 00:50:17,931 --> 00:50:20,331 Plus you planned to kick 'em out. 995 00:50:20,367 --> 00:50:22,062 That's a pretty douchey move. 996 00:50:22,102 --> 00:50:24,730 Hey, whose side are you guys on anyway? 997 00:50:24,771 --> 00:50:26,238 Right now? 998 00:50:26,273 --> 00:50:29,242 Don't answer that until you hear the rest. 999 00:50:29,276 --> 00:50:33,042 Well, thanks again for helping with the table. 1000 00:50:33,079 --> 00:50:35,274 Have fun, you two. Drive safe. 1001 00:50:35,315 --> 00:50:37,374 Yeah, get home carefully now. 1002 00:50:44,291 --> 00:50:46,725 (soft music playing) 1003 00:50:46,760 --> 00:50:51,026 Well, that was some party. 1004 00:50:51,064 --> 00:50:52,429 Mmm. 1005 00:50:53,900 --> 00:50:55,299 (door opens) 1006 00:50:55,335 --> 00:50:58,133 Well, gosh, that was fun, huh? 1007 00:50:58,171 --> 00:50:59,695 Wasn't that fun? 1008 00:50:59,739 --> 00:51:03,106 Tables are inside; guests have all left. It's all good. 1009 00:51:03,143 --> 00:51:06,169 Say, Leslie, do you need a ride somewhere, honey? 1010 00:51:06,212 --> 00:51:08,510 It doesn't matter how far it is. We'd be happy to take you. 1011 00:51:08,548 --> 00:51:10,743 Oh, I think I'm gonna stay for a little bit. 1012 00:51:10,784 --> 00:51:12,775 Wonderful! 1013 00:51:12,819 --> 00:51:16,585 You know, we need to make sure that we do this all the time, 1014 00:51:16,623 --> 00:51:18,955 the four of us just hosting these little shindigs. 1015 00:51:18,992 --> 00:51:20,516 - Mm-hmm. - The four of us? 1016 00:51:20,560 --> 00:51:23,620 Mary: Oh, we heard the big news and we could not be happier. 1017 00:51:23,663 --> 00:51:26,996 I mean, this place is plenty big enough for four. 1018 00:51:27,033 --> 00:51:29,058 - When you moving in, Lisa? - Leslie. 1019 00:51:29,102 --> 00:51:31,468 - God damn it. - It's okay, honey. 1020 00:51:31,504 --> 00:51:33,802 Hold on, guys. There's some stuff we need to discuss first. 1021 00:51:33,840 --> 00:51:36,308 - What stuff? - Yeah, what kind of stuff? 1022 00:51:36,343 --> 00:51:39,039 Mary: I mean, I'm assuming she'll live in your room, 1023 00:51:39,079 --> 00:51:42,105 go in a fourth on rent and utilities, buy TP when it's her turn. 1024 00:51:42,148 --> 00:51:44,844 And besides that, what is there really to discuss? 1025 00:51:44,884 --> 00:51:47,284 Look, this is not how I wanted this to come up. 1026 00:51:47,320 --> 00:51:48,309 Mmm, why not? 1027 00:51:48,355 --> 00:51:50,220 How did you want it to come up, Scottsdale? 1028 00:51:50,256 --> 00:51:52,281 Were you gonna shoot us an email? 1029 00:51:52,325 --> 00:51:56,056 Or maybe you were gonna blog it on... your blog? 1030 00:51:57,063 --> 00:51:58,792 Can we just talk about this another time? 1031 00:51:58,832 --> 00:52:00,823 Scotty Dog, you seem a little tense. 1032 00:52:00,867 --> 00:52:02,300 Are you sure you're okay? 1033 00:52:02,335 --> 00:52:05,827 Darling, I think maybe we should discuss this under the light of a new day. 1034 00:52:05,872 --> 00:52:07,965 You know, honey, you're right. 1035 00:52:08,008 --> 00:52:09,669 - Yeah? - Yeah. 1036 00:52:09,709 --> 00:52:12,405 - Let's go. - Good night, roommates. 1037 00:52:18,218 --> 00:52:20,379 (silent) 1038 00:52:25,091 --> 00:52:26,683 I'm so sorry that happened. 1039 00:52:26,726 --> 00:52:28,990 No, I'm sorry. I said something to Nerissa 1040 00:52:29,029 --> 00:52:30,724 and she must have said something to Mary 1041 00:52:30,764 --> 00:52:32,698 without realizing it was... 1042 00:52:32,732 --> 00:52:35,633 whatever it was. 1043 00:52:35,668 --> 00:52:37,693 I'll talk to them tomorrow morning. 1044 00:52:40,006 --> 00:52:42,804 Mary: Oh, that's it, Farmer Jack. 1045 00:52:42,842 --> 00:52:45,333 Oh, shit. Just wait. 1046 00:52:45,378 --> 00:52:47,073 - Oh! - Ryan: We'll miss the fall! 1047 00:52:47,113 --> 00:52:48,444 (both moan) 1048 00:52:48,481 --> 00:52:49,470 - Mmm! - Ahh! 1049 00:52:49,516 --> 00:52:52,383 - Ryan? Hey hey, Ryan! - Ahhh! 1050 00:52:52,419 --> 00:52:55,047 Mary, listen to me. Okay, tonight, 1051 00:52:55,088 --> 00:52:58,023 I beg you, while Leslie's here, could you please not... 1052 00:52:58,058 --> 00:53:00,083 - Please... - Please don't. 1053 00:53:00,126 --> 00:53:02,924 - Sounds like... how many syllables? - Is it bigger than a breadbox? 1054 00:53:02,962 --> 00:53:04,691 Please don't have sex while Leslie is here. 1055 00:53:04,731 --> 00:53:06,426 - What? - Why not? 1056 00:53:06,466 --> 00:53:09,993 Because the sound... the noise that you two make, 1057 00:53:10,036 --> 00:53:11,628 it's... it's insane, 1058 00:53:11,671 --> 00:53:14,469 both in the volume and the graphicness. 1059 00:53:14,507 --> 00:53:16,236 Scott, 1060 00:53:16,276 --> 00:53:19,837 have you been listening to us have sex? 1061 00:53:20,847 --> 00:53:23,111 Shh! No, I haven't been listening. I can just hear it. 1062 00:53:23,149 --> 00:53:25,777 How many times, Scott? 1063 00:53:25,819 --> 00:53:27,684 Every. 1064 00:53:27,720 --> 00:53:30,780 All right? I turn my music up, but I can still hear it. 1065 00:53:30,824 --> 00:53:32,758 This is creepy. If we had known 1066 00:53:32,792 --> 00:53:36,228 that you were eavesdropping on our sex... 1067 00:53:36,262 --> 00:53:39,425 I know what you're trying to do. You're trying to break me and Lisa up... 1068 00:53:39,466 --> 00:53:40,831 - Leslie! - Hard name. 1069 00:53:40,867 --> 00:53:42,095 - It is. - It is, yeah. 1070 00:53:42,135 --> 00:53:45,104 We are not trying to break you up, Scotty. 1071 00:53:45,138 --> 00:53:47,971 We are just trying to slow you down. 1072 00:53:48,007 --> 00:53:49,474 Like we said we would, pal. 1073 00:53:49,509 --> 00:53:51,568 No rushing, remember? Huh? 1074 00:53:51,611 --> 00:53:54,079 - That deal is off. - God damn it, Scott! 1075 00:53:54,114 --> 00:53:56,105 No one wants to see it work out between you and Leslie 1076 00:53:56,149 --> 00:53:59,414 more than Ryan and I, but you are screwing everything up. 1077 00:53:59,452 --> 00:54:00,749 What... what am I screwing up? 1078 00:54:00,787 --> 00:54:03,312 You asked her to move in with you after two dates. 1079 00:54:03,356 --> 00:54:04,983 - Two! - Come on, man. 1080 00:54:05,024 --> 00:54:07,151 Couldn't scare her away any faster if you told her you were 1081 00:54:07,193 --> 00:54:10,924 a Nazi sympathizer who's into fondling puppy balls! 1082 00:54:10,964 --> 00:54:14,161 - Or a chronic masturbator. - You know, with a Scott fetish. 1083 00:54:14,200 --> 00:54:15,997 - Mary: Into she-males! - Furries! 1084 00:54:16,035 --> 00:54:17,832 - Bukaki. - Tentacle porn. 1085 00:54:17,871 --> 00:54:19,771 Ahhh! 1086 00:54:23,710 --> 00:54:25,541 Ooh! 1087 00:54:25,578 --> 00:54:28,046 (strained) It was for your own good. 1088 00:54:28,081 --> 00:54:30,572 This is for my own good. 1089 00:54:30,617 --> 00:54:32,380 Ahhh! 1090 00:54:34,554 --> 00:54:37,648 - I got you. Just get... - Eat less cake, bitch! 1091 00:54:38,758 --> 00:54:40,919 How dare you, sir? 1092 00:54:43,396 --> 00:54:45,660 - Oh, I got you. - Scott: No no! 1093 00:54:45,698 --> 00:54:47,393 Don't let him go! 1094 00:54:47,433 --> 00:54:49,492 Ahh! I got him! 1095 00:54:50,503 --> 00:54:53,336 - Scott! - Ahh! Bad! 1096 00:54:53,373 --> 00:54:55,739 - Oh, shit. - Ha ha! 1097 00:54:55,775 --> 00:54:59,176 Oh, God, this was fun. 1098 00:54:59,212 --> 00:55:01,680 Ryan: Oh, it is never a dull moment here. 1099 00:55:01,714 --> 00:55:03,375 - Let me tell you. - I'll admit 1100 00:55:03,416 --> 00:55:05,407 that this probably looks kinda bad... 1101 00:55:05,451 --> 00:55:07,351 Yeah, but you know, just playing. 1102 00:55:07,387 --> 00:55:08,911 - Tomfoolery. - Shenanigans. 1103 00:55:08,955 --> 00:55:11,116 - Rough-housing. - Little, uh... 1104 00:55:11,157 --> 00:55:13,819 no big biggie. You know, you want some cake? 1105 00:55:13,860 --> 00:55:16,090 No, thanks. 1106 00:55:17,330 --> 00:55:18,854 I'm gonna go. 1107 00:55:18,898 --> 00:55:20,866 It was great to see you, Leslie. 1108 00:55:20,900 --> 00:55:23,460 - See you soon, roomie. - Can I drive you home? 1109 00:55:23,503 --> 00:55:24,731 That's okay. 1110 00:55:24,771 --> 00:55:27,638 I know this looks insane, but it's like they said, you know? 1111 00:55:27,674 --> 00:55:31,337 - Just playing around. - Mmm! Ahhh! 1112 00:55:31,377 --> 00:55:33,208 - Mary: You're delicious. - No, you're delicious. 1113 00:55:33,246 --> 00:55:35,407 We're still on for the wedding next week, right? 1114 00:55:35,448 --> 00:55:38,542 - Ryan: You're like a cupcake! - I don't know. 1115 00:55:38,585 --> 00:55:42,544 Listen, Leslie, this is not me. Okay? None of this is. 1116 00:55:42,589 --> 00:55:45,922 Just please give me one more chance without anybody else around, 1117 00:55:45,959 --> 00:55:47,688 - just me. - We're still on for the wedding. 1118 00:55:47,727 --> 00:55:49,285 I'll see you at the wedding. 1119 00:55:49,329 --> 00:55:51,820 - (door slams) - You want to hang out before? 1120 00:55:51,864 --> 00:55:55,163 Let's just stick with the wedding. I mean, you've got this thing 1121 00:55:55,201 --> 00:55:57,465 going on with your roommates that you need to work out. 1122 00:55:57,503 --> 00:55:59,562 I know, I will. Promise. 1123 00:55:59,606 --> 00:56:01,437 - Okay. - Okay. 1124 00:56:01,474 --> 00:56:02,839 Bye. 1125 00:56:04,043 --> 00:56:06,136 - (bed squeaking) - Mary: Come on! Yeah! 1126 00:56:06,179 --> 00:56:08,079 (both grunting, screaming) 1127 00:56:08,114 --> 00:56:10,810 - Harder! - Get there, get there, get there! 1128 00:56:10,850 --> 00:56:12,784 - Oh! Hi! - Hey! 1129 00:56:12,819 --> 00:56:15,617 Great party, isn't it? Huh? Ha ha! 1130 00:56:15,655 --> 00:56:17,179 You two are sick. 1131 00:56:17,223 --> 00:56:19,885 I want you out of this apartment. I want you out of my life! 1132 00:56:19,926 --> 00:56:21,553 - Really? - Mary: We love you! 1133 00:56:22,228 --> 00:56:23,752 (computer beeps) 1134 00:56:28,001 --> 00:56:30,367 Scott: I didn't see them at all that last week. 1135 00:56:30,403 --> 00:56:33,429 I assumed they'd just gone away for good. 1136 00:56:33,473 --> 00:56:35,964 Well, did they? 1137 00:56:36,009 --> 00:56:38,341 - Does herpes? - (chuckles) 1138 00:56:39,479 --> 00:56:41,811 - No. - (bells dinging) 1139 00:56:56,129 --> 00:57:00,065 (organ playing "The Wedding March") 1140 00:57:15,048 --> 00:57:18,040 - What the fuck are you doing here? - (all gasp) 1141 00:57:19,218 --> 00:57:21,152 Man: Who invited that guy? 1142 00:57:21,187 --> 00:57:23,052 Man #2: Who says "fuck" in church? 1143 00:57:26,759 --> 00:57:29,159 Ted: It's fine. Try not to worry about it. 1144 00:57:29,195 --> 00:57:30,856 Okay. 1145 00:57:30,897 --> 00:57:32,057 - Yeah, go. - I'm... 1146 00:57:32,098 --> 00:57:34,089 - Okay. Sorry. - It's fine. 1147 00:57:34,133 --> 00:57:35,191 It's fine, right? 1148 00:57:35,234 --> 00:57:39,261 Well, that was a beautiful service. Ha ha. 1149 00:57:39,305 --> 00:57:42,240 Aside from your little outburst, yeah, it was lovely. 1150 00:57:42,275 --> 00:57:43,742 Yeah, I'm sorry about that. 1151 00:57:43,776 --> 00:57:47,371 I just couldn't believe they had the gall to show up here. 1152 00:57:47,413 --> 00:57:49,779 - Who? - Ryan and Mary. 1153 00:57:50,783 --> 00:57:54,014 I did the guest list with Nerissa. Ryan and Mary weren't invited. 1154 00:57:54,053 --> 00:57:57,022 Yeah, like that would stop them. Where the hell did they go anyway? 1155 00:57:57,056 --> 00:57:58,717 - Who? - Ryan and Mary. 1156 00:57:58,758 --> 00:58:01,420 Okay, I have to do photographs. 1157 00:58:01,461 --> 00:58:05,488 Just stay here and try to be... 1158 00:58:05,531 --> 00:58:07,590 sane-ish. 1159 00:58:18,144 --> 00:58:19,839 (dialing, beeping) 1160 00:58:19,879 --> 00:58:23,838 (pop song plays over phone) 1161 00:58:23,883 --> 00:58:26,511 # I can't wait... # 1162 00:58:28,020 --> 00:58:31,512 Aha! What are you two doing here? 1163 00:58:31,557 --> 00:58:34,321 Making out. What does it look like we're doing? 1164 00:58:34,360 --> 00:58:36,225 Weddings make me so horny. 1165 00:58:36,262 --> 00:58:39,026 Of course! Everything makes you horny. Toaster ovens make you horny. 1166 00:58:39,065 --> 00:58:40,293 You were not invited. 1167 00:58:40,333 --> 00:58:44,497 That is never gonna stop us from helping out our good buddy. 1168 00:58:44,537 --> 00:58:47,563 Friendship does not wait for an invitation, mister. 1169 00:58:47,607 --> 00:58:50,303 And besides, we have a contract. 1170 00:58:52,779 --> 00:58:55,612 (Scott grunting) 1171 00:58:55,648 --> 00:58:58,116 This contract... 1172 00:58:59,452 --> 00:59:02,444 is null and void, same as our friendship. 1173 00:59:02,488 --> 00:59:04,752 - Unappreciative asshole! - Yeah. 1174 00:59:28,481 --> 00:59:30,949 Scott, what are you doing? 1175 00:59:32,051 --> 00:59:35,509 Leslie, I didn't bring this gift but it has my name on it. 1176 00:59:35,555 --> 00:59:39,218 Why would that be? 1177 00:59:39,258 --> 00:59:41,192 You see, Ryan and Mary 1178 00:59:41,227 --> 00:59:43,457 placed this gift with my name on it 1179 00:59:43,496 --> 00:59:45,293 to set me up to make me look bad. 1180 00:59:45,331 --> 00:59:47,128 How does the gift make you look bad? 1181 00:59:47,166 --> 00:59:49,396 See, it's not a gift. 1182 00:59:49,435 --> 00:59:52,404 It's a trap. It's probably a box of tainted pork 1183 00:59:52,438 --> 00:59:55,532 or dogshit or angry bees. 1184 00:59:55,575 --> 00:59:58,066 - I have to get rid of it. - Are you completely insane? 1185 00:59:58,110 --> 00:59:59,873 - No, I... - Young man, 1186 00:59:59,912 --> 01:00:02,312 any reason you're absconding with the gift I brought? 1187 01:00:02,348 --> 01:00:05,146 I... I'm sorry, but this isn't your gift. 1188 01:00:05,184 --> 01:00:06,617 I assure you, it is. 1189 01:00:06,652 --> 01:00:10,713 - Scott? - Now look, you bizarre human being... 1190 01:00:10,756 --> 01:00:13,122 - Okay, Scott, you're making a scene. - This package contains 1191 01:00:13,159 --> 01:00:16,253 - a ridiculously expensive... - Just give him the gift. 1192 01:00:16,295 --> 01:00:19,059 - Give him the gift. Give him the gift! - It's Leslie Green's date. 1193 01:00:19,098 --> 01:00:21,066 - I remember placing it on that table... - Why's he picking on Dr. Cooper? 1194 01:00:21,100 --> 01:00:22,863 - An hour ago! If you don't believe me, 1195 01:00:22,902 --> 01:00:25,336 make a complete ass of yourself and open it! 1196 01:00:25,371 --> 01:00:27,703 Oh, we're way beyond the complete-ass situation. 1197 01:00:27,740 --> 01:00:29,503 (both struggling) 1198 01:00:29,542 --> 01:00:32,511 - Leslie! - Oh! 1199 01:00:32,545 --> 01:00:35,810 (all screaming) 1200 01:00:35,848 --> 01:00:37,372 Oh my God. 1201 01:00:37,416 --> 01:00:39,384 What the fuck? 1202 01:00:39,418 --> 01:00:41,852 - Ohhh! - (giggling) 1203 01:00:41,888 --> 01:00:44,379 Leslie, come on. Look, this isn't me, okay? 1204 01:00:44,423 --> 01:00:47,153 - The... I'm not usually like this. - What are you usually like? 1205 01:00:47,193 --> 01:00:49,718 Normal, I swear. 1206 01:00:49,762 --> 01:00:52,162 This is Ryan and Mary, okay? 1207 01:00:52,198 --> 01:00:55,133 - They're trying to keep us apart. - Why would they want to do that? 1208 01:00:55,167 --> 01:00:57,465 Because they need me. 1209 01:00:57,503 --> 01:00:59,368 They need a third wheel to keep sane. 1210 01:00:59,405 --> 01:01:01,168 That's why they keep trying to scare you off, 1211 01:01:01,207 --> 01:01:03,038 so they can have me all to themselves. 1212 01:01:03,075 --> 01:01:06,101 And how did you come up with this incredible theory? 1213 01:01:06,145 --> 01:01:08,511 Actually, Ted said it. 1214 01:01:08,548 --> 01:01:11,449 You're going to take anything Ted says seriously? 1215 01:01:11,484 --> 01:01:14,214 But it makes sense. They say they're trying to keep me 1216 01:01:14,253 --> 01:01:16,118 from rushing into anything with you, but... 1217 01:01:16,155 --> 01:01:18,350 But we were rushing. 1218 01:01:18,391 --> 01:01:21,417 I mean, the fact that we were even considering moving in together 1219 01:01:21,460 --> 01:01:23,860 after a couple of nice dates... that's rushing. 1220 01:01:23,896 --> 01:01:26,160 I mean, I was willing to consider it 1221 01:01:26,198 --> 01:01:28,325 - because I... - "Was"? 1222 01:01:28,367 --> 01:01:31,200 Why are you speaking in the past tense like that? 1223 01:01:31,237 --> 01:01:33,535 Because I don't know you, Scott. 1224 01:01:33,573 --> 01:01:35,564 I don't know you at all. 1225 01:01:35,608 --> 01:01:38,441 - But it's Ryan and Mary... - Scott. 1226 01:01:41,314 --> 01:01:42,474 (sighs) 1227 01:02:00,099 --> 01:02:02,124 (sniffing) 1228 01:02:03,569 --> 01:02:05,662 Leslie won't return my phone calls. 1229 01:02:05,705 --> 01:02:09,004 I haven't been back to the apartment. 1230 01:02:09,041 --> 01:02:12,499 They're probably up there waiting to strike again. 1231 01:02:12,545 --> 01:02:15,946 - Jackals! - Well, they did kind of have a point. 1232 01:02:15,982 --> 01:02:18,610 - What point? - About the rushing it with Lisa. 1233 01:02:18,651 --> 01:02:21,620 - Leslie! - Ooh, sorry. 1234 01:02:21,654 --> 01:02:24,350 Maybe they really thought they were doing the right thing. 1235 01:02:24,390 --> 01:02:26,950 I mean, sure, they're a little strange, but you know, 1236 01:02:26,993 --> 01:02:29,018 their hearts were in the right place. 1237 01:02:29,061 --> 01:02:31,359 Have you heard a word that I have said? 1238 01:02:31,397 --> 01:02:33,592 Have you? 1239 01:02:35,101 --> 01:02:37,001 "Have you"! 1240 01:02:39,839 --> 01:02:41,807 (grumbles) 1241 01:02:52,518 --> 01:02:54,816 (clattering) 1242 01:02:54,854 --> 01:02:56,617 Oh! 1243 01:02:56,656 --> 01:02:59,124 (clattering continues) 1244 01:03:00,860 --> 01:03:03,328 Oh, golly, did we wake you? 1245 01:03:03,362 --> 01:03:06,195 Yeah, what lousy friends we must be. 1246 01:03:06,232 --> 01:03:09,258 Of course, you know all about being a lousy friend, huh, Scott? 1247 01:03:09,301 --> 01:03:10,791 Me? 1248 01:03:10,836 --> 01:03:13,566 After everything we've been through... the good times 1249 01:03:13,606 --> 01:03:16,040 We helped you rebound, man. 1250 01:03:16,075 --> 01:03:19,875 We were just trying to help you like we promised you we would 1251 01:03:19,912 --> 01:03:22,278 and you treated us 1252 01:03:22,314 --> 01:03:26,045 like... like we are a couple of raging lunatics or something. 1253 01:03:28,788 --> 01:03:30,312 I'm sorry. 1254 01:03:33,159 --> 01:03:35,389 Just put your keys on the counter. 1255 01:03:42,435 --> 01:03:43,925 Both of them. 1256 01:03:43,969 --> 01:03:46,665 We only had the one. 1257 01:03:46,706 --> 01:03:48,435 Of course. 1258 01:03:48,474 --> 01:03:52,171 Why would you need two? You probably share a toothbrush. 1259 01:03:54,647 --> 01:03:57,912 You'll be happy to know we'll be packed out by tonight. 1260 01:03:57,950 --> 01:04:00,680 - Super. - You'll never hear from us again. 1261 01:04:10,396 --> 01:04:13,422 "We will not..." 1262 01:04:13,466 --> 01:04:15,457 I want you to sign this contract. 1263 01:04:15,501 --> 01:04:17,492 You said that I will not hear from you again. 1264 01:04:17,536 --> 01:04:19,902 I want to make it official. 1265 01:04:25,544 --> 01:04:27,603 There, prick. 1266 01:04:27,646 --> 01:04:29,614 Thanks, bitch. 1267 01:04:33,185 --> 01:04:35,676 - Choke on it, ass. - Shhh! 1268 01:04:35,721 --> 01:04:38,622 - We have a contract. - (gasps) 1269 01:04:39,692 --> 01:04:41,421 Ryan? 1270 01:04:41,460 --> 01:04:44,020 It is a tragedy that we can't talk to Scott 1271 01:04:44,063 --> 01:04:46,998 'cause we can't tell him where Leslie's going. 1272 01:04:47,032 --> 01:04:49,398 That is a shame. I heard that she's leaving L.A. 1273 01:04:49,435 --> 01:04:52,233 - I heard the same thing. - What? 1274 01:04:52,271 --> 01:04:53,932 Oh! 1275 01:04:55,207 --> 01:04:57,903 No no, there's something that you two know and you're not telling me. 1276 01:05:00,446 --> 01:05:02,243 Fine! 1277 01:05:04,884 --> 01:05:06,351 Now tell me. 1278 01:05:07,419 --> 01:05:10,286 We overheard Leslie talking to some friends at the wedding 1279 01:05:10,322 --> 01:05:12,517 - after you left. - You stayed after I left? 1280 01:05:12,558 --> 01:05:15,026 - Duh. - Open bar, dude. 1281 01:05:15,060 --> 01:05:16,322 Come on. 1282 01:05:16,362 --> 01:05:19,092 She said she needed to get out of L.A. 1283 01:05:19,131 --> 01:05:20,826 And she decided... 1284 01:05:23,202 --> 01:05:25,295 to go work with her sister. 1285 01:05:25,337 --> 01:05:27,737 - Where? - If we tell you, 1286 01:05:27,773 --> 01:05:30,071 you have to promise to forgive us, huh? 1287 01:05:30,109 --> 01:05:32,304 Fine, I forgive you. You're forgiven. 1288 01:05:32,344 --> 01:05:35,074 - Now tell me. - Not so fast. 1289 01:05:42,688 --> 01:05:44,246 I got it. By signing here, 1290 01:05:44,323 --> 01:05:48,487 you acknowledge that we have acted entirely in your best interest. 1291 01:05:48,527 --> 01:05:50,757 Fine. Fine. I'm willing to buy that for now. 1292 01:05:50,796 --> 01:05:54,459 And that we really do care about you as a friend. 1293 01:05:54,500 --> 01:05:55,933 Okay, yes. Whatever. 1294 01:05:55,968 --> 01:06:00,064 And if you go after Leslie, we get to come with you. 1295 01:06:00,105 --> 01:06:02,005 No no no! No way. Nah! 1296 01:06:02,041 --> 01:06:05,807 Dude, your piece-of-shit car will never make it. You need us. 1297 01:06:05,845 --> 01:06:09,645 And company. No one likes to travel alone. 1298 01:06:09,682 --> 01:06:11,980 - Huh? - I can rent a car. 1299 01:06:12,017 --> 01:06:16,147 And trust me, traveling alone really beats the alternative. 1300 01:06:16,188 --> 01:06:17,985 Hmm. 1301 01:06:18,023 --> 01:06:20,651 Suit yourself. 1302 01:06:20,693 --> 01:06:23,161 It just would have been such a great opportunity 1303 01:06:23,195 --> 01:06:25,425 for Ryan and me to explain to Leslie 1304 01:06:25,464 --> 01:06:28,627 that we caused all of this and not you, 1305 01:06:28,667 --> 01:06:30,965 but, hey, we don't... 1306 01:06:31,003 --> 01:06:32,766 Seriously? 1307 01:06:32,805 --> 01:06:35,433 - Yeah. - We want out of this friendship. 1308 01:06:35,474 --> 01:06:38,375 That means no loose ends; no unfinished business. 1309 01:06:38,410 --> 01:06:41,379 - We seek closure, nothing more. - Nothing more. 1310 01:06:41,413 --> 01:06:43,040 Huh? 1311 01:06:43,082 --> 01:06:45,277 Okay, we'll go together. 1312 01:06:45,317 --> 01:06:47,615 Just whatever... whatever it takes. 1313 01:06:47,653 --> 01:06:49,644 Just tell me where she is. 1314 01:06:49,688 --> 01:06:53,749 Okay, I'm gonna need you to sign here and initial here and here and here. 1315 01:06:53,792 --> 01:06:55,817 That one too. 1316 01:06:55,861 --> 01:06:57,055 - Good eye. - Thank you. 1317 01:06:57,096 --> 01:06:59,428 You guys are sick. 1318 01:06:59,465 --> 01:07:02,161 Okay. Now... 1319 01:07:02,201 --> 01:07:04,066 tell me where she is. 1320 01:07:04,103 --> 01:07:07,368 She went to work for her sister's theater in Oregon. 1321 01:07:07,406 --> 01:07:09,237 Okay, where in Oregon? 1322 01:07:09,275 --> 01:07:11,539 You're gonna find out when we get there. 1323 01:07:11,577 --> 01:07:13,875 - Wiki-wiki road trip! - Yeah! 1324 01:07:13,913 --> 01:07:15,380 Both: Blau! 1325 01:07:16,582 --> 01:07:18,607 Mary and Ryan: #The love we have # 1326 01:07:18,651 --> 01:07:22,849 # Will never fade away # 1327 01:07:24,056 --> 01:07:27,924 # If ever two hearts were meant to be # 1328 01:07:27,960 --> 01:07:29,860 # Forever in love # 1329 01:07:29,895 --> 01:07:32,261 # It's you and me # 1330 01:07:32,298 --> 01:07:34,232 # Every Ionely heart # 1331 01:07:34,266 --> 01:07:36,564 # Every Ionely moment # 1332 01:07:36,602 --> 01:07:38,900 # Feels like eternity # 1333 01:07:38,938 --> 01:07:40,667 # Ah oooh # 1334 01:07:40,706 --> 01:07:41,866 - # The life we... # - Oh oh oh. 1335 01:07:41,907 --> 01:07:44,671 - You're tailgating. - I'm not, sweetheart. 1336 01:07:44,710 --> 01:07:46,541 Please back up, dear. 1337 01:07:46,578 --> 01:07:48,876 Damn it, woman, I know what I'm doing, shrew. 1338 01:07:48,914 --> 01:07:50,814 - Assrod. - Harpie. 1339 01:07:50,849 --> 01:07:53,113 - Nancy boy. - Slut. 1340 01:07:53,152 --> 01:07:54,312 - Fartknocker. - Whore! 1341 01:07:54,353 --> 01:07:55,581 Fuckstick! 1342 01:07:55,621 --> 01:07:58,089 I fucking love this fighting shit. 1343 01:07:58,123 --> 01:08:00,182 - I do too. It's amazing! - Ahh! 1344 01:08:00,225 --> 01:08:03,023 Scott, what's the plan with Leslie? 1345 01:08:03,062 --> 01:08:05,963 I don't really have a plan; I'm just gonna play it by ear. 1346 01:08:05,998 --> 01:08:08,523 Mary: Scotty, you gotta have a game plan. 1347 01:08:08,567 --> 01:08:11,730 We made a plan a long time ago; we've stuck to it. 1348 01:08:11,770 --> 01:08:13,965 How do you think we've been together all these years, huh? 1349 01:08:14,006 --> 01:08:15,997 Just because you've done something for a long time 1350 01:08:16,041 --> 01:08:17,440 doesn't mean you're doing it well. 1351 01:08:17,476 --> 01:08:20,274 Yeah, look at the Clippers. Hi-yo! Ha ha! 1352 01:08:20,312 --> 01:08:22,837 - Burn, right? - Watch it, laughing boy. 1353 01:08:22,881 --> 01:08:24,872 I was talking about the Clippers. I wasn't talking about us. Jesus Christ. 1354 01:08:24,917 --> 01:08:28,318 Ryan, pull off here. Let's stay for the night. 1355 01:08:28,354 --> 01:08:30,049 Dude, we're, like, not even halfway there. 1356 01:08:30,089 --> 01:08:32,785 If we stop now, it's gonna take us two days to get there. 1357 01:08:32,825 --> 01:08:34,486 I know. 1358 01:08:34,526 --> 01:08:36,221 I've got a plan. 1359 01:08:36,261 --> 01:08:38,593 Ho ho, you've got a plan now. Okay. 1360 01:08:38,630 --> 01:08:40,257 - All right, Mr. Plan. - Okay. 1361 01:08:42,167 --> 01:08:44,795 (knocking) 1362 01:08:44,837 --> 01:08:47,533 - Ryan: Room service. - Land shark! 1363 01:08:47,573 --> 01:08:49,666 (strumming) 1364 01:09:01,620 --> 01:09:04,316 Ow! We were thinking 1365 01:09:04,356 --> 01:09:06,085 since we're on vacation, 1366 01:09:06,125 --> 01:09:08,719 maybe we should get a little drinky-poo! 1367 01:09:08,761 --> 01:09:11,594 I'll go, but only with Ryan. 1368 01:09:11,630 --> 01:09:13,393 - What? - Huh? 1369 01:09:13,432 --> 01:09:15,923 I want to go out for a beer, but just us guys. 1370 01:09:15,968 --> 01:09:18,903 Well, do I smell funny or something? 1371 01:09:18,937 --> 01:09:22,202 Tonight I'll go out with Ryan; tomorrow I'll go out with Mary... 1372 01:09:23,442 --> 01:09:24,602 alone. 1373 01:09:24,643 --> 01:09:26,110 Why? 1374 01:09:26,145 --> 01:09:28,545 Because couples do things separately. 1375 01:09:28,580 --> 01:09:31,174 Well, did you ever think 1376 01:09:31,216 --> 01:09:34,117 that maybe we just enjoy each other's company more than most couples? 1377 01:09:34,153 --> 01:09:36,986 Most couples spend a good percentage of any relationship 1378 01:09:37,022 --> 01:09:39,047 sick of each other's face. 1379 01:09:39,091 --> 01:09:40,922 That's just part of being in love. 1380 01:09:40,959 --> 01:09:42,688 Ha! Ha, hmm. 1381 01:09:42,728 --> 01:09:46,687 That is not a part that I'm interested in... 1382 01:09:46,732 --> 01:09:49,633 but I do want that drink. 1383 01:09:49,668 --> 01:09:51,659 - (door opens) - You... 1384 01:09:51,703 --> 01:09:54,638 - (door closes) - (banjo strumming) 1385 01:09:57,309 --> 01:09:59,539 Well, what do I do? 1386 01:09:59,578 --> 01:10:02,741 # I got a stripper pole in my bedroom # 1387 01:10:02,781 --> 01:10:05,477 # And I like the way you drop it low # 1388 01:10:05,517 --> 01:10:08,077 # What you tryin' to do, shorty? # 1389 01:10:08,120 --> 01:10:11,783 # Oh, I can tell that you're down for whatever # 1390 01:10:11,824 --> 01:10:14,054 # If you think that you can handle me # 1391 01:10:14,093 --> 01:10:15,185 # I'm trying... # 1392 01:10:15,227 --> 01:10:17,286 I never really took you for a stripper type. 1393 01:10:17,329 --> 01:10:20,059 Oh, no, I've never been to a strip club before. 1394 01:10:23,602 --> 01:10:26,799 Oh, 11. 1395 01:10:26,839 --> 01:10:28,431 11 what? 1396 01:10:28,474 --> 01:10:32,240 11 breasts I've seen. 1397 01:10:32,277 --> 01:10:33,904 You've only seen 11 breasts? 1398 01:10:33,946 --> 01:10:37,279 I mean, you know, in real life. I've seen more on, you know, TV 1399 01:10:37,316 --> 01:10:40,149 and magazines. Internet... ho! 1400 01:10:40,185 --> 01:10:42,653 Oh... 13. 1401 01:10:42,688 --> 01:10:45,851 - Two. - Why is this an odd number? 1402 01:10:45,891 --> 01:10:48,291 I saw one of my grandma's when I was a kid. 1403 01:10:48,327 --> 01:10:49,794 I wish I hadn't asked. 1404 01:10:49,828 --> 01:10:52,922 Nana; Mary, naturally; 1405 01:10:52,965 --> 01:10:55,832 uh, Wendy Harper; Tracy Price; 1406 01:10:55,868 --> 01:10:58,860 Theresa What's-her-name; and, uh... 1407 01:10:58,904 --> 01:11:01,304 and these strippers, yeah. 1408 01:11:01,340 --> 01:11:03,365 14! Even number! Boom. 1409 01:11:03,408 --> 01:11:05,933 And these other girls were, what? Exes? 1410 01:11:05,978 --> 01:11:08,139 No. No, Mary's the only girl I've ever dated. 1411 01:11:08,180 --> 01:11:10,273 Uh, they were girls Mary and I had three-ways with. 1412 01:11:10,315 --> 01:11:12,909 - You've had three three-ways? - Seven. 1413 01:11:12,951 --> 01:11:16,216 Seven? The other four were with... 1414 01:11:16,255 --> 01:11:18,280 I should have known. 1415 01:11:18,323 --> 01:11:20,052 Oh, thank God you're here! 1416 01:11:20,092 --> 01:11:23,357 Oh, I see you're already out looking for a better offer, you motherfucker! 1417 01:11:23,395 --> 01:11:25,920 - Mary, come on. - Son of a bitch! Asshole! 1418 01:11:25,964 --> 01:11:27,989 Look, Ryan's not scamming. 1419 01:11:28,033 --> 01:11:30,831 And trust me, this is not the kind of place one goes to for a better offer. 1420 01:11:30,869 --> 01:11:32,734 (grunts) 1421 01:11:32,771 --> 01:11:34,898 I turn my back for one second 1422 01:11:34,940 --> 01:11:37,602 and you are out philandering with strippers? 1423 01:11:37,643 --> 01:11:40,874 - I am not a prude, Ryan. - Yeah, no shit. 1424 01:11:40,913 --> 01:11:43,643 Excuse me, Scott, but this... 1425 01:11:43,682 --> 01:11:46,674 this is beyond the pale, okay? 1426 01:11:46,718 --> 01:11:49,016 Simply beyond the pale! 1427 01:11:49,054 --> 01:11:51,386 Mary, look, okay? I don't know how you got here, 1428 01:11:51,423 --> 01:11:54,517 but you have to leave. You have to show Ryan that you trust him. 1429 01:11:54,560 --> 01:11:56,585 Well, how can I trust him 1430 01:11:56,628 --> 01:11:58,721 - when he's sporting a chubby? - Okay. 1431 01:11:58,764 --> 01:12:00,561 Mary, come on! 1432 01:12:00,599 --> 01:12:02,191 Come on what? 1433 01:12:02,234 --> 01:12:04,998 You want me to act like it's no big deal that my man's at half-mast? 1434 01:12:05,037 --> 01:12:07,597 - It is a big deal. - We're just having some guy time. 1435 01:12:07,639 --> 01:12:10,005 All right? He'll keep it in his pants. 1436 01:12:10,042 --> 01:12:11,805 (high-pitched) Uh-huh. 1437 01:12:11,843 --> 01:12:14,334 - I promise. - And if it's any consolation, 1438 01:12:14,379 --> 01:12:18,008 as you can see, I am completely flaccid now. 1439 01:12:18,050 --> 01:12:20,917 We all are, Ryan. We all are. 1440 01:12:29,528 --> 01:12:32,554 Don't wait up for us, Ryan. 1441 01:12:32,598 --> 01:12:35,692 I was... I couldn't find the... 1442 01:12:35,734 --> 01:12:37,929 I was just trying to... 1443 01:12:39,771 --> 01:12:43,434 If you guys see my gym-membership card, 1444 01:12:43,475 --> 01:12:45,875 just... 1445 01:12:45,911 --> 01:12:47,640 give that to me. 1446 01:12:47,679 --> 01:12:49,544 Okay. 1447 01:12:49,581 --> 01:12:51,276 I'm gonna go. 1448 01:12:52,718 --> 01:12:55,653 Okay, have fun. 1449 01:12:55,687 --> 01:12:59,521 # Let's fall in love # 1450 01:13:00,692 --> 01:13:03,217 # Let's fall in love # 1451 01:13:04,696 --> 01:13:07,631 # Everything I see around # 1452 01:13:07,666 --> 01:13:09,566 # Reminds me of... # 1453 01:13:09,601 --> 01:13:11,796 My God, this place is like an advertisement 1454 01:13:11,837 --> 01:13:13,395 for choosing a partner at a young age. 1455 01:13:13,438 --> 01:13:15,167 I am getting hepatitis just being in here. 1456 01:13:15,207 --> 01:13:17,300 That's the spirit. 1457 01:13:17,342 --> 01:13:21,676 Look, I want you to have a conversation with one of these fine gentlemen. 1458 01:13:21,713 --> 01:13:24,079 - Why? - Because 1459 01:13:24,116 --> 01:13:26,676 I want to see how you talk to a man that isn't Ryan. 1460 01:13:26,718 --> 01:13:29,778 Scott, this is silly. Can we just go home? I can't... 1461 01:13:29,821 --> 01:13:32,483 Hey, there, pretty lady. 1462 01:13:32,524 --> 01:13:34,253 Can I buy you a drink? 1463 01:13:34,293 --> 01:13:36,158 Scott? 1464 01:13:38,997 --> 01:13:40,658 (silent) 1465 01:13:41,667 --> 01:13:44,261 Could you just give us a moment, please? 1466 01:13:44,303 --> 01:13:45,292 Sure. 1467 01:13:45,337 --> 01:13:48,500 You have to get rid of him! He is trying to get in my pants. 1468 01:13:48,540 --> 01:13:50,167 So? He's not going to. 1469 01:13:50,208 --> 01:13:51,971 It's not like you're tempted to sleep with him or anything. 1470 01:13:52,010 --> 01:13:54,205 I'm tempted to fuck his brains out. 1471 01:13:54,246 --> 01:13:55,679 (moans) 1472 01:13:55,714 --> 01:13:57,375 I'd fuck him; I'd fuck that guy; 1473 01:13:57,416 --> 01:13:59,145 I'd fuck the guy air-guitaring back there. 1474 01:13:59,184 --> 01:14:01,084 I'd fuck everybody I could see right now 1475 01:14:01,119 --> 01:14:03,952 because I just want the chance to be with somebody else! 1476 01:14:03,989 --> 01:14:06,219 This is the reason I cannot be trusted without Ryan around me 1477 01:14:06,258 --> 01:14:07,816 at all times. 1478 01:14:07,859 --> 01:14:11,386 Just once I want to be with another guy without Ryan in the room. 1479 01:14:11,430 --> 01:14:14,365 Can you understand that? I am so sick of fucking the same person 1480 01:14:14,399 --> 01:14:16,867 over and over and over and over again. 1481 01:14:16,902 --> 01:14:18,460 (glass rattles) 1482 01:14:18,503 --> 01:14:20,528 Wow. 1483 01:14:20,572 --> 01:14:22,540 That was frank. 1484 01:14:24,142 --> 01:14:26,576 She's gonna take a rain check on the whole talking thing. 1485 01:14:26,611 --> 01:14:28,408 Thanks, though. 1486 01:14:32,484 --> 01:14:34,543 Watch it. I... 1487 01:14:38,523 --> 01:14:41,185 - I'm gonna need another. - Yeah. 1488 01:14:41,226 --> 01:14:43,217 Excuse me? 1489 01:14:43,261 --> 01:14:45,661 Scott: All I'm saying is that... 1490 01:14:45,697 --> 01:14:47,665 both of you clearly have some issues 1491 01:14:47,699 --> 01:14:49,326 that you're not addressing with each other. 1492 01:14:49,368 --> 01:14:52,064 But what happens if we address them and then we break up? 1493 01:14:52,104 --> 01:14:55,369 Look, relationships take work... real work. 1494 01:14:56,908 --> 01:14:59,206 You can't just pretend that everything's okay 1495 01:14:59,244 --> 01:15:01,235 so you don't have to deal with the hard stuff. 1496 01:15:01,279 --> 01:15:03,747 You have to be brutally honest with each other. 1497 01:15:03,782 --> 01:15:05,409 Doesn't that hurt? 1498 01:15:05,450 --> 01:15:07,179 It can. 1499 01:15:07,219 --> 01:15:09,847 Love hurts, but it's worth it. 1500 01:15:09,888 --> 01:15:12,254 And that's why I'm chasing after a girl 1501 01:15:12,290 --> 01:15:14,622 who probably won't even take me back. 1502 01:15:14,659 --> 01:15:18,060 Because if there's even the slightest chance that she will, 1503 01:15:18,096 --> 01:15:19,859 I have to risk it. 1504 01:15:19,898 --> 01:15:21,923 We can't play it safe all the time. 1505 01:15:21,967 --> 01:15:25,164 That's what it is with Ryan and me, isn't it? 1506 01:15:25,203 --> 01:15:27,865 We play it too safe. We're so afraid of this thing failing, 1507 01:15:27,906 --> 01:15:29,430 that we don't deal with it. 1508 01:15:29,474 --> 01:15:32,932 - Anuptaphobia. - Fear of being alone. 1509 01:15:32,978 --> 01:15:35,344 Why'd you do this? 1510 01:15:36,515 --> 01:15:39,848 - Do what? - Try to help us, 1511 01:15:39,885 --> 01:15:41,716 our relationship. 1512 01:15:41,753 --> 01:15:44,654 Well, at first it was because I figured 1513 01:15:44,689 --> 01:15:47,089 the only way I was going to get you two lunatics out of my life 1514 01:15:47,125 --> 01:15:49,559 was if you got your shit together, but... 1515 01:15:49,594 --> 01:15:52,757 actually I like you guys a lot, 1516 01:15:52,798 --> 01:15:55,096 and I want you to be happy. 1517 01:15:56,101 --> 01:15:58,433 You're a good friend, Scott. 1518 01:16:01,139 --> 01:16:04,734 - Um, about the ménage thing... - Mm-hmm? 1519 01:16:04,776 --> 01:16:07,176 I don't know if you two ever talked about, 1520 01:16:07,212 --> 01:16:09,112 you know, me in that way... 1521 01:16:09,147 --> 01:16:12,514 Oh, no! Never. 1522 01:16:12,551 --> 01:16:15,042 Okay, good, because that would have been 1523 01:16:15,086 --> 01:16:17,452 - a little weird. - Yeah. 1524 01:16:19,825 --> 01:16:22,316 Any particular reason why not? 1525 01:16:38,443 --> 01:16:41,412 Well, this is it. 1526 01:16:41,446 --> 01:16:43,380 This is where Leslie is. 1527 01:16:43,415 --> 01:16:45,349 Are you ready? 1528 01:16:45,383 --> 01:16:48,511 - Not in the least. - Well, good luck. 1529 01:17:06,438 --> 01:17:07,996 Okay, dude, 1530 01:17:08,039 --> 01:17:10,405 no more skateboarding with your costume on. 1531 01:17:10,442 --> 01:17:13,275 If I have to fix your butt again, I'm gonna kick it. 1532 01:17:13,311 --> 01:17:14,608 Capisce? 1533 01:17:16,882 --> 01:17:19,146 Okay, now get out of here. Go. 1534 01:17:26,124 --> 01:17:28,024 Hi. 1535 01:17:29,728 --> 01:17:31,389 Hi. 1536 01:17:31,429 --> 01:17:33,021 What are you doing here? 1537 01:17:33,064 --> 01:17:35,294 I wanted to clear some things up. 1538 01:17:35,333 --> 01:17:36,732 Can we talk? 1539 01:17:36,768 --> 01:17:39,134 Uh, okay. 1540 01:17:39,170 --> 01:17:40,501 Okay. 1541 01:17:40,539 --> 01:17:43,201 But just not here. Just... 1542 01:17:49,748 --> 01:17:51,807 I've never been stalked before, 1543 01:17:51,850 --> 01:17:54,410 so if you can give me, like, an idea of how long this might take, 1544 01:17:54,452 --> 01:17:56,113 'cause I only have 40 minutes for lunch. 1545 01:17:56,154 --> 01:17:59,248 I'm not stalking you. At least not in the creepy way. 1546 01:17:59,291 --> 01:18:01,521 There you are! Hi! 1547 01:18:01,560 --> 01:18:04,461 There's nothing creepy about this at all. 1548 01:18:04,496 --> 01:18:06,361 - Hi. - Hi, Leslie. 1549 01:18:06,398 --> 01:18:09,299 Um, Mary and I just... 1550 01:18:09,334 --> 01:18:11,564 wanted to make it clear 1551 01:18:11,603 --> 01:18:14,902 that we did do everything Scott said we did. 1552 01:18:14,940 --> 01:18:18,432 We thought we could control everything for him; 1553 01:18:18,476 --> 01:18:20,706 take away the risk of getting hurt. 1554 01:18:20,745 --> 01:18:23,111 Thank you guys. I've got it from here. 1555 01:18:23,148 --> 01:18:26,811 Just like we've been trying to do in our own relationship for years. 1556 01:18:26,851 --> 01:18:28,842 - But you can't do that. - Nah. 1557 01:18:28,887 --> 01:18:30,684 Nobody can. 1558 01:18:30,722 --> 01:18:33,520 A wise man once said to me, 1559 01:18:33,558 --> 01:18:37,460 "Love is all about taking chances, even if it hurts." 1560 01:18:37,495 --> 01:18:39,827 - So... - Ryan: Which is why 1561 01:18:39,864 --> 01:18:43,231 Mary and I... (sighs) Have decided... 1562 01:18:43,268 --> 01:18:44,997 To split up. 1563 01:18:45,036 --> 01:18:47,163 - Just for a while. - It's just a trial thing 1564 01:18:47,205 --> 01:18:49,833 to see if we're really meant to be together. 1565 01:18:49,874 --> 01:18:52,809 So if we can take a chance... 1566 01:18:52,844 --> 01:18:54,937 Maybe you guys can too. 1567 01:18:54,980 --> 01:18:57,972 It was really great meeting you, Leslie, 1568 01:18:58,016 --> 01:19:00,780 and we are sorry about all of this. 1569 01:19:00,819 --> 01:19:05,153 But I have a hunch you two are going to be just fine. 1570 01:19:06,658 --> 01:19:08,455 Hasta lasagna. 1571 01:19:12,497 --> 01:19:16,160 So you're not a total psycho, 1572 01:19:16,201 --> 01:19:18,032 but your friends are? 1573 01:19:18,069 --> 01:19:19,969 Yeah, something like that. 1574 01:19:20,972 --> 01:19:21,961 (sighs) 1575 01:19:23,608 --> 01:19:25,303 Can I buy you lunch? 1576 01:19:26,611 --> 01:19:29,409 I am pretty hungry... 1577 01:19:29,447 --> 01:19:31,438 and broke. 1578 01:19:32,651 --> 01:19:34,949 So yeah, okay. 1579 01:19:34,986 --> 01:19:38,353 But this does not mean that I am moving in with you. 1580 01:19:38,390 --> 01:19:40,881 - Right. - And sex, is like, way down the road 1581 01:19:40,925 --> 01:19:42,483 and we're not even kissing anytime soon, 1582 01:19:42,527 --> 01:19:44,688 and we have to completely start over from, like, the very very very 1583 01:19:44,729 --> 01:19:47,562 very very very beginning, and there's no guarantees. 1584 01:19:47,599 --> 01:19:50,727 That's exactly what I wanted to hear. 1585 01:19:50,769 --> 01:19:52,168 Okay. 1586 01:19:52,203 --> 01:19:54,137 Okay. 1587 01:19:54,172 --> 01:19:57,232 - I'm glad we talked. - Yeah, me too. 1588 01:20:07,752 --> 01:20:08,844 Hey! 1589 01:20:08,887 --> 01:20:10,752 (giggling) 1590 01:20:12,857 --> 01:20:14,848 (both laughing) 1591 01:20:14,893 --> 01:20:17,862 And the Oscar goes to... 1592 01:20:17,896 --> 01:20:20,126 Oh, you were fantastic. 1593 01:20:20,165 --> 01:20:22,326 No, you were fantastic 1594 01:20:22,367 --> 01:20:24,528 and they totally bought it. 1595 01:20:24,569 --> 01:20:28,699 Well, love is all about taking chances, 1596 01:20:28,740 --> 01:20:30,765 even if it hurts. 1597 01:20:30,809 --> 01:20:33,676 Give me a fucking break! 1598 01:20:33,712 --> 01:20:36,408 "Oh, we're gonna break up. We're just gonna give it a trial break-up. 1599 01:20:36,448 --> 01:20:37,779 A little trial break-up thing..." 1600 01:20:37,816 --> 01:20:40,376 "Just to see if we really are meant to be together, you know." 1601 01:20:40,418 --> 01:20:42,352 (both laughing) 1602 01:20:42,387 --> 01:20:44,753 Oh my God. Ha ha ha! 1603 01:20:44,789 --> 01:20:46,814 - Oh. - He'll be back. 1604 01:20:46,925 --> 01:20:48,586 (rock song begins) 1605 01:20:53,865 --> 01:20:57,028 # Well, I live in Los Angeles # 1606 01:20:57,068 --> 01:21:01,471 # She said, "You drive in this horrible traffic?" # 1607 01:21:01,506 --> 01:21:05,408 # Man, you can't hear above the racket # 1608 01:21:05,443 --> 01:21:07,741 # From downtown # 1609 01:21:09,314 --> 01:21:11,544 # From downtown # 1610 01:21:13,518 --> 01:21:16,419 - # From downtown # - # Down down down # 1611 01:21:17,589 --> 01:21:20,922 # Couple nights sleepless later # 1612 01:21:20,959 --> 01:21:24,895 # She says "See the fire burn in the city tonight # 1613 01:21:24,929 --> 01:21:28,592 # Under lines of factory lights" # 1614 01:21:30,335 --> 01:21:32,496 # From downtown # 1615 01:21:34,372 --> 01:21:36,636 # From downtown # 1616 01:21:38,543 --> 01:21:41,979 - # From downtown # - # Down down down # 1617 01:21:42,013 --> 01:21:45,005 # I got too much of the city # 1618 01:21:45,049 --> 01:21:48,815 # Of my Los Angeles # 1619 01:21:54,492 --> 01:21:57,655 # Well, I live in Los Angeles # 1620 01:21:57,695 --> 01:22:01,028 # Yeah, well, I live in Los Angeles # 1621 01:22:01,065 --> 01:22:05,434 # You know that I live in Los Angeles # 1622 01:22:05,470 --> 01:22:08,906 # Well, I live in Los Angeles # 1623 01:22:10,141 --> 01:22:13,235 # Well, I live in Los Angeles # 1624 01:22:13,278 --> 01:22:16,076 # Yeah, well, I live in Los Angeles # 1625 01:22:16,114 --> 01:22:17,445 # Downtown # 1626 01:22:17,482 --> 01:22:19,950 # You know that I live in Los Angeles # 1627 01:22:19,984 --> 01:22:21,315 # Downtown # 1628 01:22:21,352 --> 01:22:24,287 # Well, I live in Los Angeles # 1629 01:22:32,530 --> 01:22:35,624 - # From downtown # - # Los Angeles # 1630 01:22:35,667 --> 01:22:36,827 # Downtown # 1631 01:22:36,868 --> 01:22:39,063 - # From downtown # - # I live in Los Angeles # 1632 01:22:39,103 --> 01:22:40,536 # Downtown # 1633 01:22:40,572 --> 01:22:43,564 - # From downtown # - # I live in Los Angeles # 1634 01:22:44,609 --> 01:22:47,544 # Well, I live in Los Angeles # 1635 01:22:48,646 --> 01:22:50,409 # From downtown # 1636 01:22:52,250 --> 01:22:54,218 # From downtown # 1637 01:22:56,354 --> 01:22:58,083 # From downtown # 1638 01:23:00,058 --> 01:23:02,618 # I've got too much of the city # 1639 01:23:02,660 --> 01:23:07,654 - # Of my Los Angeles # - # Downtown # 1640 01:23:10,201 --> 01:23:13,364 # Yeah, I live in Los Angeles # 1641 01:23:13,404 --> 01:23:16,862 # Yeah, well, I live in Los Angeles # 1642 01:23:17,976 --> 01:23:21,468 # You know that I live in Los Angeles # 1643 01:23:21,512 --> 01:23:24,504 # Yeah, well, I live in Los Angeles # 1644 01:23:24,549 --> 01:23:27,677 # Les. # 1645 01:23:32,357 --> 01:23:35,258 (instrumental song begins)