1 00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:18,323 The road of life is always under construction. 2 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:22,660 The journey is hard, 3 00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:26,048 but once you reach the top, the view is amazing. 4 00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:31,610 And that view is even more beautiful when you have someone to share it with. 5 00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:35,681 Mr. Blart. 6 00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:38,202 For 6 days. 7 00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:41,620 My beautiful wife of almost a week let me know by letter 8 00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:44,820 that she had what I like to call "some regrets." 9 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:47,260 Her doctor called it "uncontrollable vomiting." 10 00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:48,380 Honey. 11 00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:50,562 Her lawyer, "Dissolution of marriage." 12 00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:54,820 That's okay. I needed a little time to myself. 13 00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:56,100 Like the song says, 14 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:59,170 "I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me." 15 00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:02,340 I spent the next 2 years losing myself 16 00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:06,047 in the sweet escape of keeping the West Orange Pavilion Mall safe. 17 00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:10,940 At least I still had the one thing that never seemed to let me down. 18 00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:12,180 Security. 19 00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:13,805 Are you lost, son? 20 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:17,248 Anyway, come with me. 21 00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:25,322 - Thank you. - You're very welcome. 22 00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:28,500 Andy, now give the fake cop a hug. 23 00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:30,540 We're actually... We're certified, ma'am. 24 00:02:30,640 --> 00:02:33,300 We take a test and everything. It's pretty vigorous. 25 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:34,860 All right, hug him, Andy. 26 00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:37,140 Well, it was nice to see you, little man. 27 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:38,980 You know what, ma'am, he doesn't want to give me a hug. 28 00:02:39,080 --> 00:02:40,660 - And it's okay. - No, he wants a hug. 29 00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:43,047 - I don't think he does. Hey. - Okay, Andy, hug him. 30 00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:44,980 - Honey. - Want to come in? 31 00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:46,980 - Sweetie. You're embarrassing Mommy. - He doesn't want... 32 00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:48,660 - No, he's not embarrassing me. He's fine. - Hug him. 33 00:02:48,760 --> 00:02:50,125 He doesn't have to hug me. 34 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:54,604 I saw white. I saw white. 35 00:02:56,360 --> 00:02:58,220 I'll get him again, ma'am. I'll find him. 36 00:02:58,320 --> 00:03:00,800 And on the home front, I always had Mom. 37 00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:03,928 There's my paper. 38 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:09,487 That is, until she got drilled by a milk truck. 39 00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:11,768 Didn't know they even had those anymore. 40 00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:16,729 I guess I was the last one to get the memo. 41 00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:19,525 Paul Blart had officially peaked. 42 00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:25,364 Or had I? 43 00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:28,260 "Congratulations, Officer Blart. You have been selected to join..." 44 00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:31,011 "Congratulations. You have been accepted to UCLA." 45 00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:34,967 Maya! Come down here! I got some great news! 46 00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:36,965 Me, too! 47 00:03:38,560 --> 00:03:42,500 Honey, we've been invited to the Security Officers Trade Association Expo 48 00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:46,525 and award ceremony in Las Vegas, Nevada! 49 00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:48,060 Vegas? Wow. 50 00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:49,540 Yeah, I think I'm finally being recognized 51 00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:51,940 for, you know, getting the mall out of that jam. 52 00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:54,930 Dad, you saved the mall. They should honor you. 53 00:03:55,720 --> 00:03:58,140 - I'm so proud of you. - Thank you. 54 00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:00,780 You know, times have been tough, 55 00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:02,260 but no matter what happens, 56 00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:06,649 as long as I have you by my side, I'm gonna be okay. 57 00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:09,580 But enough about me. What's your great news? 58 00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:13,127 Yeah, I just remembered that 59 00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:16,449 we have leftover baked ziti. 60 00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:21,683 What a day! 61 00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:55,646 Yeah. 62 00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:57,727 All right. 63 00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:05,420 - Can I help you with your bags, sir? - No. That's how they get you. 64 00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:08,364 - I'll be fine on my own, thank you. - No problem, sir. 65 00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:12,084 Lift with the legs. With the legs. 66 00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:21,246 We're moving. Here we go. 67 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:26,140 Nice little break in the day. 68 00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:28,686 We're going again. We're going again. 69 00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:31,980 Legs. 70 00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:33,980 - Paul Blart? - Yes, sir. 71 00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:37,323 I thought that was you. Donna Ericone, Mall of America. 72 00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:39,920 Man, we still talk about your Black Friday save. 73 00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:41,420 Thank you. 74 00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:42,940 I don't know if you heard. 75 00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:45,500 There's gonna be a surprise keynote speaker tonight. 76 00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:47,820 Word on the street, it's gonna be the officer 77 00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:50,287 who's gone above and beyond the call of duty. 78 00:05:51,280 --> 00:05:52,281 What? 79 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:55,820 I got to be honest, I had a feeling, but do you really think that, I mean... 80 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:56,887 - Who else? - Yeah. 81 00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:58,580 Unless RoboCop walks into the room. 82 00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:00,580 Yeah, I would definitely stand down for RoboCop. 83 00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:02,140 - He's not real. - No, I know he's not real, 84 00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:03,820 but I would stand down for him. 85 00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:04,967 He ain't real. 86 00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:07,700 Just don't tell anybody I told you. 87 00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:10,060 - Told me what? - About the key... 88 00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:12,527 You got me. You done gone and got me. 89 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:15,051 That was in the throat. 90 00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:17,540 That was in the throat. 91 00:06:17,640 --> 00:06:19,369 - See you tonight. - Yeah, okay. 92 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,740 Roger that, Officer Ericone. That was straight to the throat. 93 00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:24,540 That didn't even glance off the chest. It went right up. 94 00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:27,849 - May I help the next guest? - We're next. Here we go. Yes. 95 00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:31,180 - Yello-ha! - Good afternoon. 96 00:06:31,280 --> 00:06:34,060 - Welcome to the Wynn Resort. - Checking in. 97 00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:37,528 Absolutely, Mr. Blart. 98 00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:39,900 Mr. Blart. 99 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,660 You're probably thrown by the travel wear. 100 00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:44,900 - Actually, it's "officer." - Okay, sorry about that. 101 00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:46,980 Yes, Officer Blart. 102 00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:49,740 I see we have you in a partial mountain view, 103 00:06:49,840 --> 00:06:53,890 and you requested a bottomless bowl of Peanut M&M's. 104 00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:56,289 Yeah, it's strictly medicinal. 105 00:06:56,880 --> 00:07:00,930 Unfortunately, I am cursed with hypoglycemia. 106 00:07:01,280 --> 00:07:03,886 Sugar level drops, so do I. 107 00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:11,940 I'm sorry. Your room isn't ready yet. 108 00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:15,965 But you can leave your luggage here, and I will have it delivered to your room. 109 00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:17,060 Dad, I'm starving. 110 00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:20,260 - Can we just go get some lunch? - Hold the mayo. 111 00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:21,660 Hold on a second here. 112 00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:24,060 You probably didn't know this, Heath, 113 00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:25,940 but if you check the Grand Ballroom 114 00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:28,540 and see which group is booked there this evening, 115 00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:30,881 I think your tune may change a wee bit. 116 00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:36,860 - Mini Kiss. The cover band. - Yeah, I'm not with them. 117 00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:39,327 Is there a manager I could speak with? 118 00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:43,124 You know, she's not available right now, so... 119 00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:45,660 You're taking my legs out from under me here. 120 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:48,445 - Is the Terrace Cafe open for lunch? - Yes, it is. 121 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:50,000 I'm out. 122 00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:51,860 Bring it in, Heath. 123 00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:54,042 Little tighter, bring it in. Yes. 124 00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:57,004 Just a little bit closer range. I can't let this out. 125 00:07:57,120 --> 00:08:02,180 But it seems to be that I'm going to be delivering the keynote speech tonight 126 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:04,900 at the security officers' convention. 127 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:07,526 You know, I think they canceled that. 128 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:10,180 They didn't. 129 00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:13,443 But it was downsized to Conference Room C. 130 00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:15,127 Nope, F. 131 00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:19,180 - Okay, here's a map of the property. - Okay. 132 00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:20,770 There you are. 133 00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:24,420 - Thank you. - No, that's yours to keep. 134 00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:28,140 Don't need it. It's already been scanned. Locked and loaded. 135 00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:29,500 Thank you. Time for some lunch. 136 00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:30,601 - Sir? - Yeah? 137 00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:33,286 Your daughter and the restaurant are that way. 138 00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:38,340 Yeah, you had that upside down when I scanned it. That's why... It's on you. 139 00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:40,500 - Was I lying about the conch fritters? - You were not. 140 00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:42,660 They're amazing, with just the right amount of zip. 141 00:08:42,760 --> 00:08:45,900 - Yeah, you got to love the zip. - I do. I mean, I was born to zip. 142 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:48,220 I put my hand upon my hip When I zip 143 00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:49,731 - You zip - We zip 144 00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:52,883 I can't believe you know that song. 145 00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:56,285 Hey, sir. You actually forgot your valet ticket. 146 00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:58,290 - Thank you. - It's free. 147 00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:01,121 Yeah. 148 00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:02,651 I'm gonna go. 149 00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:06,450 You were born to zip? 150 00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:08,484 Since when do you use the word "zip"? 151 00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:10,807 - I always use the word "zip." - I don't like it. 152 00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:14,331 Hipster talk. Everybody's zipping. 153 00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:16,900 You need to slow it down, young lady. 154 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,970 Look, Dad, you're gonna have to get used to the fact that I'm a big girl now. 155 00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:22,540 Okay, first of all, we're all big. We're Blarts. 156 00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:24,620 Wide hips, thick ankles and a low center of gravity. 157 00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:26,420 That's how the good Lord made us. 158 00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:29,171 That's why we're no good at running hurdles, and we never will be. 159 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:31,500 What is that? 160 00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:34,300 This? It's my vibrating fork. 161 00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:36,500 It forces me to eat slower. 162 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:38,100 You think I eat fast at home? 163 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:41,170 On vacation, I'm like a cheetah chasing a faster cheetah. 164 00:09:42,680 --> 00:09:45,001 Okay, see? Look at that right there. 165 00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:50,050 It's just fuel. It's just fuel. 166 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:51,620 Here you go. 167 00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:53,380 - Mr. Blart. - Shanghai! 168 00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:55,164 Sorry. Sorry to startle you, sir. 169 00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:58,540 - That's okay. You just hit the trip wire is all. - Okay. 170 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:01,180 Well, I'm Divina Martinez, the hotel's general manager, 171 00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:02,740 and I wanted to apologize 172 00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:05,460 about the confusion regarding the convention. 173 00:10:05,560 --> 00:10:07,562 And good news, I upgraded your room. 174 00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:09,180 It has a view of the Strip. 175 00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:13,569 It's ready right now, and I wanted to give you the keys personally. 176 00:10:15,680 --> 00:10:16,780 Sorry about that. 177 00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:18,769 Although, I must say, you have very soft hands. 178 00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:22,091 Air bag! 179 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:23,481 Excuse me? 180 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:26,851 I sense what you're doing, Divina. 181 00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:28,800 What am I doing? 182 00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:31,887 Truthfully, being a bit transparent. 183 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,928 I'm sorry, I don't follow. 184 00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:37,860 Look, I understand it's the 21 st century, 185 00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:39,883 and a woman can go after hers just like a man. 186 00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:43,921 - Dad, I'm pretty sure she wasn't... - Tadpole, this is grown-up stuff. Okay? 187 00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:46,820 Look, I know it takes two to tango, 188 00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:49,207 but my dancing shoes are currently out for repair. 189 00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:53,460 - Sir, I'm sorry if I... - Apology not needed. 190 00:10:53,560 --> 00:10:57,260 Just know I'm working my way through a maze of personal fire, 191 00:10:57,360 --> 00:11:00,020 and until the flames of chaos subside, 192 00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:02,805 I'm just not ready for public consumption. 193 00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:05,540 I understand, sir. 194 00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:07,165 Have a great stay. 195 00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:12,810 It's not just me, right? I mean, she was relentless. 196 00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:16,130 Relentless. 197 00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:22,450 What troubles you, my pet? 198 00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:26,289 I just had the strangest exchange with that guy over there. 199 00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:30,406 Yeah. 200 00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:32,769 He accused me of hitting on him. 201 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:35,771 Funny. 202 00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:39,123 They say overweight people use humor to achieve affection. 203 00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:42,801 You know what, that makes sense. 204 00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:46,660 Excuse me, Ms. Martinez? 205 00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:49,366 - Our VIP guest has arrived. - Thank you. 206 00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:51,361 Okay. 207 00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:57,003 Welcome back to Wynn Las Vegas, Mr. Sofel. 208 00:11:57,480 --> 00:12:00,131 We have the accommodations you requested all ready for you. 209 00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:03,780 If you need anything at all, please, don't hesitate to call either myself 210 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:06,042 or our head of security, Mr. Furtillo. 211 00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:08,420 You guys took me for a lot of money on my last visit. 212 00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:10,921 Well, I hope you're able to turn that around this time. 213 00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:14,085 I plan to. 214 00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:17,340 I got to say, I don't know how this is an upgrade. 215 00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:20,740 I'll tell you what, Maya, you take the bed. I will take the rollaway. 216 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:23,740 Dad, this is your convention. You can't sleep on the rollaway. 217 00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:26,571 I certainly can, okay? I once fell asleep raking leaves. 218 00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:28,380 We'll figure it out later. I got to get going. 219 00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:30,900 Whoa, whoa, whoa! Okay. 220 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,321 Thanks for telling me Victoria's secret. 221 00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:34,740 What do you think you're wearing, young lady? 222 00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:36,330 A bathing suit? 223 00:12:36,560 --> 00:12:38,060 Maybe for an elf. 224 00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:40,820 Decorum. De-cor-um. 225 00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:44,580 - I was just going to hang out by the pool. - Yeah, well, not in that, you're not. 226 00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:46,091 Fine. 227 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:47,660 - Then I'm going exploring. - Hold up. 228 00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:49,180 - You got your extra phone battery? - Yes. 229 00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:50,260 - Flashlight? - Always. 230 00:12:50,360 --> 00:12:51,380 - Hot pepper spray? - Check. 231 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:53,060 - Pocketknife keychain window smasher? - I do. 232 00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:56,100 - Baby road flares? - Yes, I've got it all! 233 00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:58,940 One more second here. There. 234 00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:01,420 I've set it to monitor, so I can hear everything that's going on. 235 00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:03,900 No way. I already feel like a SWAT unit. 236 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:06,731 Maya! Security is a mission. 237 00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:09,520 Not an intermission. 238 00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:16,806 Well, let's see if I bankrolled the right NSA agent. 239 00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:32,722 - How's that? - So far, so good. 240 00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:44,970 Excuse me, guys, but we have a complaint about the noise. 241 00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:51,160 That's why we have you. 242 00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:53,570 Gotta say, Henk, nice uniform. 243 00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:56,820 Right? Look at that. Smiley. 244 00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:58,922 You don't want to know what it took to get the real deal. 245 00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:00,400 No, I don't. 246 00:14:01,560 --> 00:14:02,540 Okay. 247 00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:04,460 They've moved several of the pieces in the last few days. 248 00:14:04,560 --> 00:14:06,722 Here's the new locations of all 13. 249 00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:12,100 Perfect. All right, I want to be in and out in less than 9 hours, people. 250 00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:13,281 Sync up. 251 00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:16,007 Sync. 252 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:20,441 Let's go! 253 00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:24,807 Yes, shooter, yes! Yeah! 254 00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:29,860 - What's all the hoopla, friend? - This guy's crushing. 255 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:31,620 I'm literally running out of room for my chips. 256 00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:33,700 He's on the greatest run I've ever seen! 257 00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:36,180 Sir, you're gonna have to place a bet if you want to stand at the table. 258 00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:38,540 I don't know how to play craps, but I'll tell you what, 259 00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:40,460 Lady Luck's certainly been in my corner as of late. 260 00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:43,020 So I am in, okay? What do I do? 261 00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:45,964 It's easy. Give me $60. We'll place the 6. 262 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,610 - $60. - 60 bucks. 263 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:51,564 Wow, this is exciting. I got to be honest, very exciting. 264 00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:53,810 Sir, can I get you a drink? 265 00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:55,820 You know what, how much for a root beer? 266 00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:58,890 'Cause I'm currently very invested in Mr. Wynn's casino. 267 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:02,460 - Well, actually, it's complimentary. - Complimentary. 268 00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:04,420 I love it! Root beers around the horn! 269 00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:06,682 What do you... Just one is fine. Just one. 270 00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:07,980 Sir, come on. This table's really hot. 271 00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:09,860 - Give me 20 bucks for the hard 6. - Okay, $20. 272 00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:11,140 - Give me $20 for the hard 8. - $20. 273 00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:12,900 - Give me $25 for the horn high yo. - $25. 274 00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:14,820 - Give me $20 on the field. - That's all I have. 275 00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:16,580 - The field is out there. - No more bets. 276 00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:19,300 All right! I've never felt more alive! 277 00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:20,980 Shooter, come on! Number... 278 00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:22,206 Seven out. Craps. 279 00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:24,340 - Loser! - Fat guy ruined it. 280 00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:26,249 - You lost everything. - You suck! 281 00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:29,580 Get your bets down, C and E's, horn bets, high-lows. 282 00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:32,220 - Get this game going. - Your root beer, sir. 283 00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:33,481 Thank you. 284 00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:48,046 Yeah, I would love that. 285 00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:50,920 That's a very good choice. Nice. Gold. 286 00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:56,580 Yeah, exactly. It was him. You guys... 287 00:15:56,680 --> 00:15:57,681 Let's go. 288 00:15:59,840 --> 00:16:01,300 How long have you worked here? 289 00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:03,721 Not too long. Is that your dad? 290 00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:12,247 I wish I could say no right now. I'll be right back. 291 00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:16,580 - Dad? - Hey! 292 00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:18,620 See you later, Tom and Rita. You guys are awesome. Take care. 293 00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:20,300 I'll see you at the reception. I'm not gonna go. 294 00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:21,700 I'm not gonna go. I'm not gonna go. 295 00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:24,340 - Dad, are you spying on me? - Spying? 296 00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:28,240 - No. No, no, no. I... - Dad, you're embarrassing me! 297 00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:32,500 I'm sorry you feel that way. I'll leave you alone. 298 00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:33,761 Please. 299 00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:38,660 Blart! 300 00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:40,340 Saul Gundermutt, 301 00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:43,260 head of the Security Officers Trade Association. 302 00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:46,700 - I catch you at a bad time? - No. No, no. It's a pleasure, sir. 303 00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:48,086 Pleasure's mine. 304 00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:52,604 And I just want you to know that I got you sitting at my table tonight. 305 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:55,740 I got to say, sir, I am just so excited. 306 00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:57,763 I'm gonna be honest, I did hear rumblings. 307 00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:00,780 - Rumblings? - About the keynote. 308 00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:03,420 Yeah. Well, with good reason. 309 00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:04,726 Nick Panero's giving it. 310 00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:07,020 Great guy, great guy. 311 00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:09,940 Yeah, Nick Panero. Those were the rumblings. 312 00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:11,980 That is just terrific. 313 00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:14,020 It really is. That's... I'm so happy. 314 00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:15,700 You know, maybe I could meet him sometime. 315 00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:17,900 - Pick his brain... - Here's your chance. 316 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:21,380 Blart, Officer Nick Panero and Officer Gino Chizetti. 317 00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:24,404 - Hey, Officer Panero. - Hold the applesauce, hotshot. 318 00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:27,380 I heard of you. Rumor has it you thought you were giving the keynote tonight. 319 00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,340 - He thought he was giving it. - You thought you were giving it? 320 00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:31,060 - No. You know what, I never said... - Man, you gotta stop 321 00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:32,940 bringing up that Black Friday thing, Blart. 322 00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:35,060 - It was, like, 6 years ago. - You got to let it go. 323 00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:37,049 I never brought up Black Friday. 324 00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:47,380 I heard you're pretty good on one of those things. 325 00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:49,244 I've been known to dabble. 326 00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:54,688 I... I really shouldn't. 327 00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:57,420 Actually, sir, you can't. 328 00:17:57,520 --> 00:18:00,140 I'll need a valid driver's license if you want to take it for a test drive. 329 00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:03,540 Yeah, I'm all-access, if you'll peep the laminate, okay? 330 00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:06,325 Let me just nudge her out of whisper mode. 331 00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:13,340 Okay, well, I see you know your way around a pl 33. 332 00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:16,011 I do, I do, but this gal's a bit tired. 333 00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:19,500 I got a modified i2 Commuter myself. 334 00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:21,100 Still gonna need a valid license, though. 335 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:22,611 - Yeah? - Yeah. 336 00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:26,201 How's that? Is that valid enough for you? 337 00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:36,020 That was pretty valid, huh? 338 00:18:36,120 --> 00:18:38,100 - Yeah. - Please be careful, sir. 339 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:39,660 It's about weight distribution. 340 00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:42,445 Make sure both your hands are firmly on the grips. 341 00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:45,762 I guess you wouldn't want me doing this! 342 00:18:49,360 --> 00:18:50,725 - Yeah! - Please don't. 343 00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:54,767 Missed. 344 00:18:55,440 --> 00:18:56,460 Blart! 345 00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:58,085 - You see that? - That's not good. 346 00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:02,888 Still got the laminate. 347 00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:13,420 Dad, are you okay? You should really get checked out. 348 00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:15,980 Pumpkin, my body's fine. 349 00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:18,082 It's my ego that took a hit. 350 00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:20,980 It turns out I'm not giving the keynote tonight. 351 00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:23,380 Well, you know what? 352 00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:26,700 You should call a cop, because you got robbed. 353 00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:29,300 Well, thanks, kitten. Technically, I don't need a cop. 354 00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:30,860 - It's a figure of speech, Daddy. - No, no, I know. 355 00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:33,660 I'm just saying, you know, just that cops think they're all that, 356 00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:35,649 and I don't like it. 357 00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:39,441 I do not like it. 358 00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:44,100 Boy. We got a meet-and-greet in 15. 359 00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:47,380 I was wrong! The body does hurt. 360 00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:49,767 Lactic acid! 361 00:19:51,120 --> 00:19:53,420 Honey, you're not even dressed. Come on. 362 00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:57,260 As exciting as that sounds, I think I'm just gonna take a bath and a nap. 363 00:19:57,360 --> 00:19:58,486 I'm kind of tired. 364 00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:03,603 Okay, yeah. I mean, no, you should... 365 00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:05,780 You should get some rest. 366 00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:09,441 Well, I'll come back and get you for dinner at Bartolotta, 367 00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:11,369 'cause we got reservations at 6:00. 368 00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:14,165 - It's supposed to be the real deal. - Gotcha. 369 00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:21,761 Hey, Dad? 370 00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:24,768 I'm really sorry about the speech. 371 00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:27,325 I'll see you later. 372 00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:40,060 I got this one guy against the wall. He's really sweating. He knows it's over. 373 00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:42,100 Then out of the corner of my eye I see this other guy, 374 00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:45,300 and then I turn to him and I say, "Hand over the yogurt." 375 00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:46,940 It was over that fast. 376 00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:48,804 - Lights out. - Lights out. 377 00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:51,285 Hey, how much you pay for that belt? 378 00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:54,740 I don't know. It was a gift from my daughter. 379 00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:57,764 You got a guy? 'Cause I got a guy. 380 00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:00,540 No, I don't have a belt guy. 381 00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:03,530 - That's crazy. What, you don't got a belt guy? - No, I don't have a belt guy. 382 00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:05,530 Khan Mubi. Nice to meet. 383 00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:08,780 Khan Mubi. Nice to meet. 384 00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:10,700 Nice to meet you. 385 00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:13,420 It's been a heck of a day, and that embrace certainly helped. 386 00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:16,922 So thank you. First one warmed me up, this one brought it home. 387 00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:20,180 I think you kissed the shoulder. All right, thank you. 388 00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:21,520 My pleasure. 389 00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:24,610 - Okay. - It's time to go. 390 00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:27,087 It is. And I think the doors are open, so... 391 00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:36,540 What's the latest, friend? 392 00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:38,020 The Big Sticky Mess. 393 00:21:38,120 --> 00:21:40,282 A grenade launcher that shoots glue foam. 394 00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:48,300 Marbles. You can't run with these under your feet. 395 00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:49,765 You can't even stand. 396 00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:54,887 The Vitru Sonic Taser renders your assailant 397 00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:57,765 incapacitated for 5 seconds at a time. 398 00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:05,260 - Hey, Paul. - Hey, Saul. What you got there? 399 00:22:05,360 --> 00:22:07,567 It's getting revealed tomorrow at the luncheon. 400 00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:10,060 It's a prototype. I'm not supposed to show anybody, 401 00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:14,563 but since you're into gyro-performance vehicles, take a gander. 402 00:22:23,360 --> 00:22:25,761 Things will never be the same. 403 00:22:42,120 --> 00:22:43,340 No! 404 00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:46,091 Are you kidding me? Great. 405 00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:49,607 - Are you okay? - Thank you so much. 406 00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:00,180 - Okay, here we go. - Thanks. 407 00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:01,964 - See you. - Have a good day. 408 00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:05,020 Hey, check it out, guys. 409 00:23:05,120 --> 00:23:07,260 When you want them to pay the price, you reach for The Finisher. 410 00:23:07,360 --> 00:23:11,160 The most effective non-lethal beanbag firearm on the market today. 411 00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:13,448 Why don't you give it a spin? 412 00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:15,562 - Me? - Yeah. It's easy. 413 00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:17,241 Okay. 414 00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:27,050 Laser focus. 415 00:23:28,680 --> 00:23:31,331 Exhale, pull the trigger. Predator. 416 00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:36,700 The adjustments are off on the sight. I can tell, it's a little off here. 417 00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:38,404 That's the problem. 418 00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:40,700 - Paul Blart, Mall Cop. - Yes, sir? 419 00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:43,500 Eduardo Furtillo, head of security of Wynn Las Vegas. 420 00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:45,940 Pleasure to meet a fellow brother-in-arms. 421 00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:48,260 You know, a fun fact for you, you might not notice, 422 00:23:48,360 --> 00:23:51,820 but Mr. Furtillo here, being the head of security, 423 00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:53,220 is in a black coat while... 424 00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:55,260 - I'm sorry, son, I didn't get your name. - Jenkins. 425 00:23:55,360 --> 00:23:57,140 ...Jenkins is in a purple coat. 426 00:23:57,240 --> 00:24:01,740 See, there's a hierarchy of coat colors based on their security responsibilities. 427 00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:05,180 Black, gray, pine, and then, last, purple. 428 00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:06,770 Sorry, no offense. 429 00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:10,202 You're wearing a polyester shirt with Spanx underneath. 430 00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:12,126 Yes. Good catch. 431 00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:17,220 - I see you admiring the non-lethals. - Yeah. 432 00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:20,449 I guess they don't trust you with the real stuff? 433 00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:22,540 No, they do, but we choose not to. 434 00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:24,881 I mean, what are you really guarding anyway? 435 00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:28,060 Cell phone covers and Cinnabon? 436 00:24:28,160 --> 00:24:30,162 There's also three ATMs and a Dave & Buster's 437 00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:33,250 that just is off the hook after 9:00. It just gets crazy. 438 00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:36,380 By the way, as a professional courtesy, 439 00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:40,700 I'm happy to keep my eyes peeled for any irregularities while I'm here, so... 440 00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:42,723 Hey. Closer. 441 00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:45,201 Closer. 442 00:24:48,040 --> 00:24:50,725 Since I was named head of security 5 years ago, 443 00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:53,540 we have not had so much as a towel go missing. 444 00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:56,246 Your mother must be very proud of your accomplishments. 445 00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:03,371 That got real. 446 00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:10,420 Wow, that was impressive. 447 00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:13,020 Was it me, or did he smell like tobacco and vanilla? 448 00:25:13,120 --> 00:25:15,180 'Cause I got a... I don't know if it's cologne... 449 00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:16,441 Let's just get some yogurt. 450 00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:28,340 Maya? 451 00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:30,420 Honey, I've been thinking about the menu, 452 00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:34,127 and I don't care, I'm going double parm. So... 453 00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:38,049 Sunshine, you still in the tub? 454 00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:40,525 Honey? 455 00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:51,131 Get me security! 456 00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:54,923 That's so cool, you got into UCLA. You must be stoked! 457 00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:58,420 Not really. I haven't been able to tell my dad. 458 00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:00,620 Why not? That's huge! Don't you think he'll be excited? 459 00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:02,220 I don't think he can handle it. 460 00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:04,820 My parents were thrilled when I got my GED. 461 00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:07,540 That is so cool your parents support you like that. 462 00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:09,529 Yup. Third time was the charm. 463 00:26:11,160 --> 00:26:13,925 I'm not kidding. Was closer to four, actually. 464 00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:19,860 No. I got to go. I was supposed to meet my dad for dinner. 465 00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:22,580 - Okay, cool. Maybe I'll see you later. - Yeah. I hope so. 466 00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:23,681 Yeah, okay. 467 00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:30,780 My daughter's missing. She's not answering her phone. 468 00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:35,620 Mr. Blart, I want you to know that we will get to the bottom of this, 469 00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:37,165 despite our differences. 470 00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:40,300 Differences? 471 00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:43,220 We need to establish motive. Do you have a lot of money? 472 00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:44,780 - Define "a lot." I mean, there's... - Any. 473 00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:47,611 No. Actually, I don't have a lot, no. 474 00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:49,140 All right, are you an important man? 475 00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:50,810 Well, you know, that depends who you ask. 476 00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:52,206 I got to be honest. 477 00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:56,020 Could this be some domestic situation? 478 00:26:56,120 --> 00:26:57,700 - Your wife got angry? - I'm not married. 479 00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:00,340 - Your girlfriend found out you... - No girlfriend, I don't have a girlfriend. 480 00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:02,100 - Does anybody love you? - Yes. My daughter, 481 00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:03,300 and she's been kidnapped. 482 00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:04,481 You know, since she's an adult, 483 00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:06,580 normally we're not gonna file a missing persons report 484 00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:08,140 till she's gone for at least 24 hours. 485 00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:09,460 Well, let me tell you something. 486 00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:12,291 I've been in the security game for over 16 years, 487 00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:14,860 and I've seen things that you would not comprehend. 488 00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:18,521 Understand this. We are pulling the trigger, boys. 489 00:27:18,760 --> 00:27:22,082 Now, I need you to establish a perimeter and lock down the premises. 490 00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:25,806 - You going to answer that? - We're losing precious time! 491 00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:29,885 This is Officer Blart. I need to keep this line... 492 00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:33,610 Yep. No, no. Okay. I see. 493 00:27:35,120 --> 00:27:36,900 Yes. No, no, I can't... I can't... 494 00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:38,860 I can't talk about it right now. 495 00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:40,940 Okay, okay, okay. Now, we're gonna talk... 496 00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:42,660 We're gonna talk about it later. We're gonna talk about... 497 00:27:42,760 --> 00:27:44,683 I gotta get going. I'm going. 498 00:27:56,440 --> 00:27:58,940 Yeah, that was my daughter. She's calling from the restaurant. 499 00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:00,900 She just... She just called. 500 00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:02,729 She's good. 501 00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:10,884 My agents are highly trained professionals 502 00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:13,340 that do not have time to let you play out 503 00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:17,780 your little fantasies about being a real cop, Mr. Blart. 504 00:28:17,880 --> 00:28:20,406 Totally understand. I get it. Yeah, you're right. 505 00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:24,768 It is Officer Blart. 506 00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:46,201 Hey, Dad. I ordered your favorite. 507 00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:49,740 Really? Well, you know what? I've lost my appetite. 508 00:28:49,840 --> 00:28:52,889 What has gotten into you? You lied to me. 509 00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:54,500 You said you were taking a nap. 510 00:28:54,600 --> 00:28:57,620 - Well, I was going to, but... - You never called me once. 511 00:28:57,720 --> 00:29:00,860 You leave the bath filled, which could have caused water damage, 512 00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:03,420 candles lit, which could have burnt down Las Vegas, Nevada. 513 00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:06,300 I'm sorry. It's just that Lane invited me to go out to the pool... 514 00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:09,020 Lane? Lane? That's what this betrayal's about? 515 00:29:09,120 --> 00:29:11,580 Chicken Chow Lane? 516 00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:13,700 Dad, people are looking. 517 00:29:13,800 --> 00:29:14,780 What happened to her, Maya? 518 00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:17,580 What happened to the pristine girl who could never tell a lie? 519 00:29:17,680 --> 00:29:19,540 What happened to my little George Washington? 520 00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:21,420 - George Washington? - He could never tell a lie. 521 00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:22,885 He was full truth in a powdered wig. 522 00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:24,980 - I think you're overreacting. - Really? 523 00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:26,730 And when were you gonna tell me about that? 524 00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:30,340 - Where did you find this? - Please, Maya, 525 00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:32,060 I'm a highly trained security specialist. 526 00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:34,128 You can't expect to keep secrets from me. 527 00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:37,323 I didn't think I'd get in. 528 00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:40,220 I didn't even know you applied there. 529 00:29:40,320 --> 00:29:42,860 What happened to Central Jersey Applied Technical Junior College? 530 00:29:42,960 --> 00:29:45,420 We're talking about UCLA here. 531 00:29:45,520 --> 00:29:47,300 Yeah, I thought we were talking about CJATJC. 532 00:29:47,400 --> 00:29:48,460 Dad, you don't understand. 533 00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:50,620 I have a chance to go to California. 534 00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:54,611 Maya, California, it's too far away. 535 00:29:57,320 --> 00:29:58,900 Well, think about it this way. 536 00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:01,940 You could come visit me in the wintertime when it's really cold in Jersey. 537 00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:05,123 Of course I can, if I want some smog on my earthquake flakes! 538 00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:10,140 You know what? I've decided. I'm going. 539 00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:12,540 Wait, wait. You just decided? 540 00:30:12,640 --> 00:30:15,020 Well, you know what? Decision overruled. 541 00:30:15,120 --> 00:30:16,770 Judge Blart now in session! 542 00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:26,809 I know you've lost a lot lately, and you're scared, 543 00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:32,769 but what you're doing right now is so wrong. 544 00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:38,249 I'm going to UCLA. 545 00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:40,889 Maya, Maya, you get back... 546 00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:42,801 Maya. 547 00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:53,380 Paul? I catch you at a bad time? 548 00:30:53,480 --> 00:30:55,050 I want you to meet the wife. 549 00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:58,020 - Okay. - Nice to meet you. 550 00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:00,020 - Nice to meet you, yeah. - Are you here with your wife? 551 00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:01,500 - Daughter. - Yeah. 552 00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:05,810 It's our last trip together before she goes off to college. 553 00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:07,980 Crusher. 554 00:31:08,080 --> 00:31:10,606 - Gosh, ours just went last year. - Yeah. 555 00:31:10,720 --> 00:31:13,963 It was just as depressing as Idaho. 556 00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:16,140 Yeah, the silence was unbearable. 557 00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:18,129 I mean, the house was like a cold tomb of loneliness. 558 00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:20,860 Anyway... 559 00:31:20,960 --> 00:31:22,803 - I would get so sad. - Honey. 560 00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:25,529 When you would leave for work, 561 00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:29,620 I would just fire up the Sarah McLachlan, walk into her closet 562 00:31:29,720 --> 00:31:32,087 and smell the sweaters that she left behind. 563 00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:34,180 Yeah, I smell them. I smell the sweaters. 564 00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:37,363 Well, at least I have this little angel to get me through. 565 00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:39,420 I mean, can you imagine 566 00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:41,220 - trying to get through it alone? - No, I couldn't do it. 567 00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:43,163 - Could not do it. - I could never do that alone. 568 00:31:44,080 --> 00:31:46,082 - I love you. - Love you, too. 569 00:31:49,440 --> 00:31:51,300 Can't wait to meet your wife. 570 00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:52,860 - Yeah, that'd be terrific. - Yeah. 571 00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:55,327 - Vegas, baby! - Let's hit the tables! 572 00:31:55,960 --> 00:31:59,009 Have her call me if you want to get her nails done or whatever. 573 00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:05,206 All right. 574 00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:25,641 Problem? 575 00:32:26,120 --> 00:32:29,886 They've already upgraded the lock on Mr. van Gogh to the dual control. 576 00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:32,940 You said the upgrades weren't scheduled till tomorrow. 577 00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:35,361 Because that is what the security e-mail said. 578 00:32:36,040 --> 00:32:37,340 Now, I do have a guy on the inside 579 00:32:37,440 --> 00:32:39,820 who was supposed to alert me if the schedule changed. 580 00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:41,285 Obviously, he didn't. 581 00:32:41,680 --> 00:32:42,780 Options. 582 00:32:42,880 --> 00:32:45,060 We disable both controls at the exact same moment 583 00:32:45,160 --> 00:32:46,660 with a thermal lance. Now, it can be done, 584 00:32:46,760 --> 00:32:48,444 but that's gonna push us back. 585 00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:53,460 Okay. Let's switch out all the other pieces before the rest get upgraded. 586 00:32:53,560 --> 00:32:55,140 Then we can focus on the van Gogh. 587 00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:57,925 It's number one on our buyer's list, and I am not leaving without it. 588 00:33:00,560 --> 00:33:01,925 Everybody listen up. 589 00:33:02,720 --> 00:33:03,780 We're going now. 590 00:33:03,880 --> 00:33:05,460 Now, we're leaving the van Gogh for last, 591 00:33:05,560 --> 00:33:08,100 so Nadia will coordinate the new order. 592 00:33:08,200 --> 00:33:11,460 They say Las Vegas has the best security in the world. 593 00:33:11,560 --> 00:33:13,449 Well, we're about to find out. 594 00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:16,763 Bring me your guy on the inside. 595 00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:20,860 - What'd I do? - You don't get it. 596 00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:22,180 - You just do not get it. - Get what? 597 00:33:22,280 --> 00:33:23,780 I said you had nice hair and nice teeth. 598 00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:26,740 - Officer needs assistance. - Don't you get it? 599 00:33:26,840 --> 00:33:30,460 You smell like peat moss and curry, and I think I'm gonna throw up. 600 00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:32,340 You don't want to go out with me? 601 00:33:32,440 --> 00:33:37,220 Whoa. Seems to me like two nice people are trying to board the peace train, 602 00:33:37,320 --> 00:33:39,004 but she seems to have derailed. 603 00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:44,300 Look, this hairy, drunk rent-a-cop confused "go away" for "hit on me." 604 00:33:44,400 --> 00:33:46,100 - Hey... - Ma'am, Officer Panero here, 605 00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:48,620 who, in my professional opinion, doesn't seem drunk, 606 00:33:48,720 --> 00:33:51,380 has at least 3 years' training in distress recognition. 607 00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:54,780 I'm sure he sensed that an attractive lady sitting by herself 608 00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:57,360 most likely seemed a bit lonely. 609 00:33:58,440 --> 00:34:02,020 So before you retreat behind that wall we all put up, 610 00:34:02,120 --> 00:34:06,489 just know that Officer Panero was here for you. 611 00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:09,325 Maybe I overreacted. 612 00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:11,727 And he's giving the keynote tonight. 613 00:34:16,240 --> 00:34:18,402 - Pleasure to be here. - He's blotto. 614 00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:20,820 Sort of like someone's mother last Columbus Day. 615 00:34:20,920 --> 00:34:23,287 Will you let it go? It was a half box of wine. 616 00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:26,445 She's very patriotic. 617 00:34:27,680 --> 00:34:29,580 Well, there's no way Panero can go on. 618 00:34:29,680 --> 00:34:33,780 We need a leader right now that can step up, take the reins and inspire us. 619 00:34:33,880 --> 00:34:34,900 I understand. 620 00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:38,561 I tried contacting Officer Ferguson from TSA, but he must have his phone off. 621 00:34:38,680 --> 00:34:39,806 I mean, my hands are tied. 622 00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:52,841 Paul? 623 00:34:55,360 --> 00:34:57,806 Can you step up to the plate and save us? 624 00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:02,601 I'm gonna need my dress whites. 625 00:35:12,520 --> 00:35:13,681 Come on. 626 00:35:23,720 --> 00:35:27,042 - Your uniform, as requested, Officer Blart. - Thank you very much. 627 00:35:27,720 --> 00:35:29,131 Here you go. 628 00:35:30,120 --> 00:35:33,940 I am the general manager of this resort, so I don't take tips. 629 00:35:34,040 --> 00:35:36,202 And I don't normally deliver dry cleaning either, 630 00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:38,129 but I just... I wanted to clarify 631 00:35:38,240 --> 00:35:40,780 that I was not making advances towards you earlier, 632 00:35:40,880 --> 00:35:42,962 nor would I, ever. 633 00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:48,081 Look, I understand you have no control over this. 634 00:35:48,560 --> 00:35:51,460 Integrity is a bewitching gumbo, 635 00:35:51,560 --> 00:35:54,820 but I'm preparing now, internally, to give the keynote. 636 00:35:54,920 --> 00:35:56,570 So if you don't mind, okay? 637 00:35:57,560 --> 00:35:59,642 Look, this is crazy. 638 00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:02,380 I'm actually dating someone. 639 00:36:02,480 --> 00:36:06,140 Please, ma'am, I practically invented the fake boyfriend thing. 640 00:36:06,240 --> 00:36:07,380 What? 641 00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:11,041 Listen, you have no bearing on my life whatsoever. 642 00:36:12,280 --> 00:36:15,363 Your lip is sweating. It's sweating. 643 00:36:46,440 --> 00:36:50,140 There is an audience out there of security professionals 644 00:36:50,240 --> 00:36:54,325 that paid good money to hear you speak. 645 00:36:54,440 --> 00:36:55,860 They want to hear you. 646 00:36:55,960 --> 00:36:59,940 That's not true. They didn't pay anything, but they do deserve your best. 647 00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:01,700 They deserve it. They deserve it. 648 00:37:01,800 --> 00:37:03,380 Yeah, come on, man. 649 00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:05,642 Just loosen up, baby, loosen up. 650 00:37:06,480 --> 00:37:09,100 Coming at you! I'm gonna be coming. 651 00:37:09,200 --> 00:37:11,020 Bring it to them, bring it to them. 652 00:37:11,120 --> 00:37:14,220 I'm getting tight. I'm getting tight. 653 00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:15,970 I can't breathe, man. 654 00:37:26,320 --> 00:37:27,620 That's orange chicken. 655 00:37:27,720 --> 00:37:29,820 What am I gonna say? What am I gonna say? 656 00:37:29,920 --> 00:37:32,900 I got to get air. I got to get air, I got to get air. 657 00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:34,580 I got to get some air. 658 00:37:34,680 --> 00:37:36,284 I got to get air, I got to get air. 659 00:37:47,520 --> 00:37:48,931 This is nice. 660 00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:51,968 And pulse back in range. 661 00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:54,046 Okay. 662 00:37:59,680 --> 00:38:01,125 Thank you. 663 00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:11,251 Get out of here. 664 00:38:15,040 --> 00:38:16,201 All right. 665 00:38:19,120 --> 00:38:21,282 Hey! Nope, nope, move along. 666 00:38:21,760 --> 00:38:23,649 Get away. Move along. 667 00:38:30,240 --> 00:38:32,925 Get away from me. Hefeweizen! 668 00:38:42,680 --> 00:38:44,045 Get out of here! 669 00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:49,365 Get out of here. 670 00:38:57,640 --> 00:38:58,880 Get out! 671 00:39:09,600 --> 00:39:10,761 My God! 672 00:39:16,760 --> 00:39:18,603 Is there someone you can call? 673 00:39:24,280 --> 00:39:26,328 Can you help me? Can you call backup? 674 00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:35,809 I hurt my neck, I hurt my neck. 675 00:39:36,720 --> 00:39:37,801 Okay. 676 00:39:43,960 --> 00:39:45,405 Hey, thanks for all your help. 677 00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:52,820 There you are. 678 00:39:52,920 --> 00:39:55,207 - We're about to announce you. - Okay. 679 00:39:55,880 --> 00:39:56,927 Come on, Maya. 680 00:40:01,720 --> 00:40:03,180 Thanks. 681 00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:05,100 Cool party. Whose suite is this? 682 00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:07,060 The housekeepers are all good friends of mine. 683 00:40:07,160 --> 00:40:10,084 They let me know when the high rollers check out early, so... 684 00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:14,484 - You okay? - Yeah. Everything's great. 685 00:40:15,320 --> 00:40:16,900 I'll be right back. I got something for you. 686 00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:18,650 I think you're gonna like it. 687 00:40:32,320 --> 00:40:33,420 Yeah! 688 00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:34,740 Very kind, very kind. 689 00:40:34,840 --> 00:40:38,540 Ladies and gentlemen, I know you're here to see Nick Panero 690 00:40:38,640 --> 00:40:40,580 deliver the keynote speech. 691 00:40:40,680 --> 00:40:45,180 However, due to circumstances beyond our control, 692 00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:48,170 we've had to bring in a different speaker tonight. 693 00:40:49,080 --> 00:40:51,082 Yeah, I know, I'm disappointed, too. 694 00:40:51,920 --> 00:40:56,180 So, instead, how about a nice, warm Expo welcome 695 00:40:56,280 --> 00:40:58,726 for Officer Paul Blart. 696 00:41:08,200 --> 00:41:10,441 Thank you, Officer Gundermutt. 697 00:41:14,000 --> 00:41:15,180 Is it warm in here, 698 00:41:15,280 --> 00:41:18,568 or am I ordering my next uniform from Rochester Big and Humid? 699 00:41:26,560 --> 00:41:29,940 I am honored to be here, 700 00:41:30,040 --> 00:41:32,168 in the presence of the greats from the past. 701 00:41:33,560 --> 00:41:38,407 Just looking at these faces reminds me of the questions so many people ask. 702 00:41:39,320 --> 00:41:40,685 Why do we do it? 703 00:41:41,760 --> 00:41:44,500 Why walk a beat knowing that on a typical day 704 00:41:44,600 --> 00:41:47,683 you'll get zero pats on the back? 705 00:41:50,680 --> 00:41:51,980 But you know what you will get? 706 00:41:52,080 --> 00:41:53,923 A whole lot of ridicule. 707 00:41:55,760 --> 00:41:57,340 What are you doing here? 708 00:41:57,440 --> 00:41:59,283 I thought Mini Kiss was playing. 709 00:42:00,320 --> 00:42:01,540 What are you doing here? 710 00:42:01,640 --> 00:42:04,140 I get it. We're easy targets. 711 00:42:04,240 --> 00:42:08,660 People call us heavy, skinny, lumpy. 712 00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:10,683 They point out our bad skin. 713 00:42:23,080 --> 00:42:25,401 What is it that we all have in common? 714 00:42:25,880 --> 00:42:27,620 In the words of Joseph Conrad, 715 00:42:27,720 --> 00:42:31,167 who wrote some really long books about sailing and stuff, 716 00:42:32,680 --> 00:42:35,160 "We live as we dream. 717 00:42:37,880 --> 00:42:39,530 "Alone." 718 00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:51,500 Turns out I am giving the keynote after all, 719 00:42:51,600 --> 00:42:54,206 so it'd mean a lot if you could be there, peanut. 720 00:43:05,720 --> 00:43:07,060 You were supposed to tell me 721 00:43:07,160 --> 00:43:08,500 - if the schedule got moved. - Let's calm down. 722 00:43:08,600 --> 00:43:10,170 And no one told me anything. 723 00:43:12,400 --> 00:43:14,050 I'm sorry. Bye. 724 00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:18,251 Get her. 725 00:43:21,400 --> 00:43:24,100 And yet, when people ask me, "Why do you do it?" 726 00:43:24,200 --> 00:43:25,611 I have to laugh. 727 00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:30,929 'Cause they think I have a choice. 728 00:43:31,240 --> 00:43:32,500 I don't. 729 00:43:32,600 --> 00:43:34,540 I, like you, didn't choose security. 730 00:43:34,640 --> 00:43:37,849 Security chose me! 731 00:43:50,160 --> 00:43:54,420 Every morning, I pull my pants on one leg at a time, 732 00:43:54,520 --> 00:43:56,140 and I slip on my soft-soled shoes, 733 00:43:56,240 --> 00:43:58,083 and I hear the same calling you do. 734 00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:05,041 "Help someone today." 735 00:44:07,160 --> 00:44:08,207 Come on, Dad. 736 00:44:12,800 --> 00:44:14,420 "Help someone today." 737 00:44:14,520 --> 00:44:16,124 Sounds easy, doesn't it? 738 00:44:16,960 --> 00:44:20,407 But if being a security officer was easy, anybody could do it. 739 00:44:20,880 --> 00:44:22,086 Anyone can do it. 740 00:44:22,560 --> 00:44:24,244 Takes a certain breed. 741 00:44:25,640 --> 00:44:29,247 Someone who has Spidey-senses when things are going wrong. 742 00:44:32,080 --> 00:44:35,100 Sure, you can meet all kinds of people in this line of work. 743 00:44:35,200 --> 00:44:36,964 Your shoplifters, your pickpockets, 744 00:44:37,400 --> 00:44:39,164 your freeloaders 745 00:44:39,280 --> 00:44:42,602 stealing a nap in a Brookstone massage chair. 746 00:44:42,920 --> 00:44:44,820 - They're the worst. - Don't get me started. 747 00:44:44,920 --> 00:44:48,500 And there's the old lady who can't find her car in Parking Level F 748 00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:51,490 'cause she doesn't have a car. 749 00:44:53,720 --> 00:44:55,449 And there is no Parking Level F. 750 00:44:57,960 --> 00:44:59,803 It only goes up to D. 751 00:45:03,040 --> 00:45:05,520 And all of a sudden you're asking yourself, 752 00:45:05,640 --> 00:45:08,291 "Why do I do it?" 753 00:45:15,440 --> 00:45:20,367 Till the little boy, tears in his eyes, is tugging on your sleeve. 754 00:45:22,280 --> 00:45:24,487 He says to you, 755 00:45:25,360 --> 00:45:27,522 "Mister, mister, mister. 756 00:45:29,440 --> 00:45:31,169 "Can't find my mommy." 757 00:45:39,160 --> 00:45:40,900 That's why you do it. 758 00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:42,161 - Yeah. - Yeah. 759 00:45:42,840 --> 00:45:44,540 I will close with this. 760 00:45:44,640 --> 00:45:48,660 If you believe the purpose of life is to only serve yourself, 761 00:45:48,760 --> 00:45:50,900 then you have no purpose. 762 00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:53,401 Help someone today! 763 00:45:59,840 --> 00:46:01,500 - Jackpot! - You nailed it! You nailed it! 764 00:46:01,600 --> 00:46:03,260 Way to go, Blart! 765 00:46:03,360 --> 00:46:05,169 You go, Paul Blart! 766 00:46:16,840 --> 00:46:18,620 Maya, look, I know you're mad at me. 767 00:46:18,720 --> 00:46:20,768 - Dad! - But hear me out. 768 00:46:20,880 --> 00:46:23,100 - Look, I feel just terrible. - I need your help! 769 00:46:23,200 --> 00:46:25,340 Yeah, and I need your help. This is what I'm trying to say. 770 00:46:25,440 --> 00:46:28,180 Dad! I saw something in the Presidential Suite 771 00:46:28,280 --> 00:46:29,820 I guess I wasn't supposed to see. 772 00:46:29,920 --> 00:46:31,780 - And now they're after me. - Who? 773 00:46:31,880 --> 00:46:32,860 I don't know. 774 00:46:32,960 --> 00:46:36,407 Angel, please don't worry. I know exactly what you're dealing with. 775 00:46:36,560 --> 00:46:38,369 It was just somebody trying to intimidate you. 776 00:46:38,480 --> 00:46:40,084 Trust me, they're all bark and no bite. 777 00:46:41,480 --> 00:46:42,527 They're coming for me! 778 00:46:43,200 --> 00:46:44,900 Misread it. Okay, sweetheart. 779 00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:46,650 Stay on the phone with me. I'm on my way! 780 00:46:49,680 --> 00:46:51,170 Maya, use your pepper spray! 781 00:46:52,760 --> 00:46:54,649 Maya, Maya, what's happening? 782 00:46:55,280 --> 00:46:56,520 Maya? 783 00:46:57,640 --> 00:46:59,802 - Maya! - Thank you. 784 00:46:59,920 --> 00:47:01,980 - Who is this? - This is Officer Paul Blart 785 00:47:02,080 --> 00:47:04,140 from the West Orange Pavilion Mall. Who am I speaking with? 786 00:47:04,240 --> 00:47:05,401 Don't you worry about that. 787 00:47:05,680 --> 00:47:07,603 Well, that's not fair. I already told you my name. 788 00:47:07,720 --> 00:47:10,564 - Now, where's my daughter? - Your daughter. 789 00:47:10,680 --> 00:47:13,490 Wow, you don't know when to shut your mouth, do you? 790 00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:15,540 Listen, I don't think you have a clue to who you're messing with. 791 00:47:15,640 --> 00:47:18,660 Actually, I don't need a clue. You just told me. 792 00:47:18,760 --> 00:47:21,420 And if you decide to go to the real cops, 793 00:47:21,520 --> 00:47:24,205 attempt to track this cell phone or make any attempt to come after me, 794 00:47:24,320 --> 00:47:26,100 boy, I am so crazy, 795 00:47:26,200 --> 00:47:28,851 I'll put you and your daughter in a world of pain. 796 00:47:29,240 --> 00:47:32,500 Yeah? Well, here's a few things you don't know about me. 797 00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:35,300 First off, pain is my copilot, so no problem there. 798 00:47:35,400 --> 00:47:36,606 And second off... 799 00:47:41,200 --> 00:47:43,123 Hello. Hello? 800 00:47:46,880 --> 00:47:49,121 Hello? Hello? 801 00:47:50,960 --> 00:47:53,281 Strange. Okay, let's go. 802 00:47:53,800 --> 00:47:54,881 Get rid of this. 803 00:47:55,400 --> 00:47:57,300 Hey, yo, have you guys seen Maya? 804 00:47:57,400 --> 00:48:00,300 - Who's Maya? - I introduced you to her. 805 00:48:00,400 --> 00:48:02,380 She was the girl I was talking to right over there. 806 00:48:02,480 --> 00:48:05,245 Dude, he's hammered. She was on the phone and went that way. 807 00:48:05,360 --> 00:48:06,600 - That way? - Yeah. 808 00:48:07,440 --> 00:48:08,521 Enjoy. 809 00:48:13,320 --> 00:48:14,446 Maya? 810 00:48:16,840 --> 00:48:18,285 Maya? 811 00:48:21,000 --> 00:48:22,525 Maya? 812 00:48:23,160 --> 00:48:24,810 Looking for someone? 813 00:48:30,520 --> 00:48:32,220 Okay, clear this place out. 814 00:48:32,320 --> 00:48:34,340 This location's been compromised. 815 00:48:34,440 --> 00:48:36,488 Bring those two to the villa. 816 00:48:42,360 --> 00:48:43,805 Sugar. 817 00:48:44,640 --> 00:48:45,641 Sugar. 818 00:48:49,040 --> 00:48:51,580 Daddy, look at the beautiful flowers. Can I draw on them? 819 00:48:51,680 --> 00:48:54,286 Not now, honey. Daddy's on the phone. Go with Mommy. 820 00:48:55,600 --> 00:49:00,766 Must get sugar. 821 00:49:01,280 --> 00:49:02,770 Come on, sugar. 822 00:50:05,160 --> 00:50:06,500 - Please, sir, please. - Just let us out. 823 00:50:06,600 --> 00:50:08,580 We're not gonna cause any trouble. We're not gonna say anything. 824 00:50:08,680 --> 00:50:10,842 - Please, sir. Please. - Sir, please let us out! 825 00:50:13,360 --> 00:50:16,180 - What the heck is going on? - I think they're stealing art from the hotel. 826 00:50:16,280 --> 00:50:18,601 - From the what? - From the hotel. 827 00:50:19,520 --> 00:50:21,841 - What is that? - I got this for you. 828 00:50:24,080 --> 00:50:26,560 Here. It's either this or sunblock. 829 00:50:38,480 --> 00:50:39,527 Maya. 830 00:50:45,640 --> 00:50:49,201 Have sweet mercy! Oh, my! 831 00:50:52,520 --> 00:50:53,860 I am so sorry, ma'am. 832 00:50:53,960 --> 00:50:56,440 Nope, my fault. I startled you. 833 00:50:57,000 --> 00:51:00,380 - I just feel terrible. - No. I deserved it. 834 00:51:00,480 --> 00:51:03,540 Can I help you up or get you some medical attention? 835 00:51:03,640 --> 00:51:04,700 Not necessary. 836 00:51:04,800 --> 00:51:08,486 This just shifts the focus away from my arthritis. 837 00:51:14,160 --> 00:51:15,844 - You're sure? - I'm fine. 838 00:51:17,240 --> 00:51:21,086 - Are you gonna want turndown service? - No, thank you! 839 00:51:22,960 --> 00:51:24,580 Officer, how can I help you? 840 00:51:24,680 --> 00:51:26,540 I need to know who's staying in your Presidential Suite. 841 00:51:26,640 --> 00:51:28,740 Okay, first of all, you need to slow things down a bit. 842 00:51:28,840 --> 00:51:31,180 And, secondly, that's actually against resort policy. So... 843 00:51:31,280 --> 00:51:32,281 I got this, Heath. 844 00:51:32,400 --> 00:51:34,402 Sir, I can help you down here. 845 00:51:36,760 --> 00:51:39,001 Well, I guess I've been overruled. 846 00:51:42,960 --> 00:51:43,940 Now, what can I do for you? 847 00:51:44,040 --> 00:51:47,460 I need information on who's staying in your Presidential Suite. It's urgent. 848 00:51:47,560 --> 00:51:50,060 - What's going on? - I can't divulge that at this moment. 849 00:51:50,160 --> 00:51:52,049 It's top secret stuff, okay? Just... 850 00:51:52,800 --> 00:51:54,380 Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Blart, 851 00:51:54,480 --> 00:51:56,820 but, unfortunately, I won't be able to give you that information, 852 00:51:56,920 --> 00:51:58,365 because it is against protocol. 853 00:51:59,440 --> 00:52:02,220 See? I told you I feel no admiration for you, 854 00:52:02,320 --> 00:52:05,529 so sorry, there are no special favors. 855 00:52:07,200 --> 00:52:09,100 You're breathing in double time. 856 00:52:09,200 --> 00:52:10,486 Just tell me who's staying there. 857 00:52:12,360 --> 00:52:14,203 I can't say no to you. 858 00:52:16,400 --> 00:52:19,260 He's a high roller who books his rooms through his company. 859 00:52:19,360 --> 00:52:20,980 Norbertine Shipping out of Hamburg, Germany. 860 00:52:21,080 --> 00:52:22,180 Shipping. Thank you. 861 00:52:22,280 --> 00:52:23,611 You're so... 862 00:52:27,240 --> 00:52:28,924 Come on. No. 863 00:53:18,000 --> 00:53:20,128 I think I can short this and get us out of here. 864 00:53:20,800 --> 00:53:23,820 Or maybe we should just do what they say. 865 00:53:23,920 --> 00:53:27,083 We've seen what they look like, Lane. They're not gonna let us go. 866 00:53:39,960 --> 00:53:41,644 - Can I help you? - Hey. 867 00:53:45,200 --> 00:53:46,531 Muhrtelle. 868 00:53:46,840 --> 00:53:49,420 It's pronounced like "turtle" or "girdle." 869 00:53:49,520 --> 00:53:52,180 No, Muhrtelle. I got it right away. I'm pretty good. 870 00:53:52,280 --> 00:53:55,409 - Why are you back here? - No, I'm from shipping, so... 871 00:53:56,640 --> 00:53:58,100 - I'm from shipping. - Yeah, I know. 872 00:53:58,200 --> 00:54:01,380 I'm from corporate, so... 873 00:54:01,480 --> 00:54:04,140 If you could give me a moment, I'd like to place a telephone call. 874 00:54:04,240 --> 00:54:06,340 No, no, no, no. No need, really. 875 00:54:06,440 --> 00:54:08,740 Okay, actually, I'm... 876 00:54:08,840 --> 00:54:11,740 I'm from Internal Affairs Shipping. Yeah. 877 00:54:11,840 --> 00:54:15,580 Corporate sent me here to check up on you and your coworkers. 878 00:54:15,680 --> 00:54:18,420 Random selection. No need to get too nervous. 879 00:54:18,520 --> 00:54:21,780 - Is it okay I eat my lunch? - Sure, yeah. You might as well. 880 00:54:21,880 --> 00:54:23,620 I'm just gonna fire some questions at you, though, 881 00:54:23,720 --> 00:54:26,260 vis-a-vis this particular shipment here. 882 00:54:26,360 --> 00:54:27,540 Now, where exactly did... 883 00:54:27,640 --> 00:54:30,580 Wow, that is the brownest banana I've ever seen. 884 00:54:30,680 --> 00:54:32,967 That's borderline black. I wouldn't eat that if I were you. That's... 885 00:54:33,440 --> 00:54:35,300 You're eating it. He's eating it. 886 00:54:35,400 --> 00:54:37,323 I'm gonna throw up a little bit, I think. 887 00:54:38,680 --> 00:54:40,250 I think that's poison. 888 00:54:41,920 --> 00:54:43,206 That's sickening. 889 00:54:47,760 --> 00:54:49,728 Where did this ship from? 890 00:54:50,320 --> 00:54:52,300 I don't know. Some man brought a bunch of these down 891 00:54:52,400 --> 00:54:54,209 from the Presidential Suite. 892 00:54:54,880 --> 00:54:56,928 You mind opening it for me? 893 00:54:59,640 --> 00:55:00,971 Internal Affairs, so I just... 894 00:55:06,720 --> 00:55:08,370 Do you have any identification? 895 00:55:08,760 --> 00:55:09,940 Don't you worry about that, Turtle. 896 00:55:10,040 --> 00:55:12,361 - I'll ask the questions here. - Wait. 897 00:55:12,520 --> 00:55:14,204 I want to ask a question. 898 00:55:17,000 --> 00:55:18,500 What do you think you're doing with that crate? 899 00:55:18,600 --> 00:55:20,682 I was just simply just checking that... 900 00:55:28,400 --> 00:55:30,721 - Someone's messing with the shipment! - Radio. 901 00:55:31,840 --> 00:55:33,888 Unacceptable. Kill him. 902 00:55:39,120 --> 00:55:40,580 A mall. 903 00:55:40,680 --> 00:55:42,842 Home-court advantage. 904 00:55:51,280 --> 00:55:52,566 Bingo. 905 00:56:36,640 --> 00:56:37,641 Pain! 906 00:56:52,880 --> 00:56:55,121 This is it. I'm going down. 907 00:57:02,560 --> 00:57:03,740 Took care of some cop. 908 00:57:03,840 --> 00:57:06,081 - For good? - Don't worry about it. He's gone. 909 00:57:06,520 --> 00:57:09,091 He sleeps with the fishes. Literally. 910 00:57:09,480 --> 00:57:10,527 Excellent. 911 00:57:16,640 --> 00:57:19,849 Not today, death! Not today! 912 00:57:26,280 --> 00:57:27,486 Sir. 913 00:57:28,960 --> 00:57:31,300 We ask that guests dry off before entering the casino. 914 00:57:31,400 --> 00:57:33,500 Absolutely. I should have thought of that. 915 00:57:33,600 --> 00:57:35,260 Why don't you come with me, sir. I'll get you a dry towel. 916 00:57:35,360 --> 00:57:36,725 That would be great. 917 00:57:38,240 --> 00:57:42,643 On second thought, I think I'd rather air-dry. 918 00:57:43,320 --> 00:57:45,926 Because you're not who you say you are... 919 00:57:47,640 --> 00:57:49,051 Ramos. 920 00:57:49,640 --> 00:57:50,721 Excuse me? 921 00:57:51,080 --> 00:57:53,380 The buttons on your uniform are rivet brass, 922 00:57:53,480 --> 00:57:55,460 made by Cintas uniform supply, 923 00:57:55,560 --> 00:57:58,340 which stopped using that particular type of metal, 924 00:57:58,440 --> 00:58:01,489 due to humanitarian reasons, 18 years ago. 925 00:58:02,480 --> 00:58:04,500 Since there's no way you're a day over 30, 926 00:58:04,600 --> 00:58:06,807 and the Security Association restricts the hiring 927 00:58:06,920 --> 00:58:08,340 of anybody under the age of 18, 928 00:58:08,440 --> 00:58:12,240 there is no way you are a security guard here. 929 00:58:13,800 --> 00:58:14,926 You're right. 930 00:58:15,960 --> 00:58:17,200 Headbutt! 931 00:58:18,520 --> 00:58:20,648 That's a very good defense. One more! 932 00:58:21,000 --> 00:58:23,241 I'm definitely done. Not this time! 933 00:58:24,160 --> 00:58:26,686 - That was the last one. You have my word. - All right. 934 00:58:29,320 --> 00:58:30,765 Hey, what's going on? 935 00:58:33,480 --> 00:58:36,780 - Hey. Sorry. Guy's drunk. - Well, why'd you let him run off? 936 00:58:36,880 --> 00:58:39,281 - I'll make sure I get him back to his room. - You do that. 937 00:58:45,520 --> 00:58:47,249 Security's been breached. 938 00:58:48,440 --> 00:58:49,980 Of course. 939 00:58:50,080 --> 00:58:52,020 Eduardo's in on it. 940 00:58:52,120 --> 00:58:54,140 Fool me once, shame on me. 941 00:58:54,240 --> 00:58:57,084 Fool me twice, shame on me. 942 00:58:57,880 --> 00:59:00,167 No, that's me twice. That doesn't work. 943 00:59:00,840 --> 00:59:01,887 Hey! 944 00:59:29,960 --> 00:59:31,450 Gosh. Come on. 945 00:59:45,920 --> 00:59:47,001 Hey! 946 01:00:18,680 --> 01:00:20,330 That's Paul Blart. 947 01:00:23,120 --> 01:00:26,340 - I'd love to see you up there. - I would if I had a good hamstring. 948 01:00:26,440 --> 01:00:27,851 - I don't got a good hamstring. - It's all right. 949 01:00:37,160 --> 01:00:39,049 Who is this guy? What's going on? 950 01:00:56,960 --> 01:00:58,849 Sorry. Big man on a rope! 951 01:01:00,000 --> 01:01:01,047 Sorry. 952 01:01:01,400 --> 01:01:03,980 This whole thing's like a pool inside, like an indoor pool. 953 01:01:04,080 --> 01:01:05,100 - It's unbelievable. - Unbelievable. 954 01:01:05,200 --> 01:01:08,170 Take a dip! Yeah! 955 01:01:09,920 --> 01:01:12,730 Yeah! Sorry. Tuck and roll. 956 01:01:15,920 --> 01:01:17,126 This ain't real. 957 01:01:20,080 --> 01:01:21,445 Thank you, Paul! 958 01:01:26,080 --> 01:01:27,127 What a guy! 959 01:02:02,640 --> 01:02:05,120 Come on, man. I know you're in here. 960 01:02:29,680 --> 01:02:30,841 Okay. 961 01:02:48,480 --> 01:02:51,260 It looks like we've come to a fork in the road. 962 01:02:51,360 --> 01:02:52,361 What? 963 01:02:58,440 --> 01:02:59,601 A little too much club. 964 01:03:04,240 --> 01:03:05,446 Okay. 965 01:03:12,320 --> 01:03:13,685 There you go. 966 01:03:15,560 --> 01:03:16,561 Yeah. 967 01:03:29,640 --> 01:03:32,620 - Ramos, it's Henk. Where are you? - Le Reve theater. 968 01:03:32,720 --> 01:03:34,245 Some cop may be onto us. 969 01:03:34,480 --> 01:03:37,140 Wait. Big guy? Mustache? Snug pants? 970 01:03:37,240 --> 01:03:39,380 - Yeah, that's the one. - I thought he was dead. 971 01:03:39,480 --> 01:03:41,620 - This guy's like a cockroach. - Where are you? 972 01:03:41,720 --> 01:03:43,020 We're about to move the Botero. 973 01:03:43,120 --> 01:03:44,140 Roger that. 974 01:03:44,240 --> 01:03:46,820 Henk, Ramos, Botero. 975 01:03:46,920 --> 01:03:48,160 Who are these guys? 976 01:03:51,120 --> 01:03:54,488 Come on, Paul, think for Maya. Think! 977 01:03:54,600 --> 01:03:56,409 All this for stupid art. 978 01:03:57,320 --> 01:03:58,845 Who is Art? 979 01:03:59,320 --> 01:04:00,924 Come on, think. 980 01:04:06,080 --> 01:04:10,130 Windershins! It's about the art! 981 01:04:10,240 --> 01:04:12,402 They're stealing art from the hotel! 982 01:04:14,200 --> 01:04:16,300 Ramos, this is Henk. 983 01:04:16,400 --> 01:04:17,640 Did you get the new locations yet? 984 01:04:17,920 --> 01:04:19,285 Henk, you didn't tell me where you are. 985 01:04:19,680 --> 01:04:21,460 We're in the casino. Stop calling me. 986 01:04:21,560 --> 01:04:25,201 - Vincent wants you, out. - Let the games begin. 987 01:04:42,680 --> 01:04:43,806 Found our friend. 988 01:04:51,240 --> 01:04:53,260 Didn't see it. Didn't see it. 989 01:04:53,360 --> 01:04:54,850 That's clean glass. Okay. 990 01:04:59,400 --> 01:05:01,801 - So? - I'm gonna need about 20 minutes, Vincent. 991 01:05:02,240 --> 01:05:03,765 Move as fast as you can. 992 01:05:22,800 --> 01:05:24,290 No, no, no! 993 01:05:27,280 --> 01:05:29,460 Vincent. Vincent, this is Henk. 994 01:05:29,560 --> 01:05:32,166 - Where are you? - Waiting for the van Gogh. Where are you? 995 01:05:32,280 --> 01:05:33,740 I'm on my way. 996 01:05:33,840 --> 01:05:35,205 I'm coming for you, Maya. 997 01:05:42,040 --> 01:05:43,849 Could you press one, please? 998 01:05:47,880 --> 01:05:49,882 - Good crowd tonight? - Yeah. 999 01:05:52,080 --> 01:05:54,287 - Did you guys play Beth? - No. 1000 01:05:56,560 --> 01:05:59,723 - Great hair. - Thanks. It's not mine. 1001 01:06:04,320 --> 01:06:07,210 - Told you we should play Beth. - Not now, Frank! 1002 01:06:13,040 --> 01:06:14,166 This hotel is solid. 1003 01:06:14,600 --> 01:06:17,251 This gift is adorable, but... 1004 01:06:20,560 --> 01:06:22,300 The globe lights up with copper wiring. 1005 01:06:22,400 --> 01:06:25,244 My father insists that I keep an extra phone battery on me. 1006 01:06:28,040 --> 01:06:29,246 Stand back. 1007 01:06:32,000 --> 01:06:33,411 That should do it. 1008 01:06:34,600 --> 01:06:35,886 Come on. 1009 01:06:42,280 --> 01:06:44,540 The helicopter is fueled and ready 1010 01:06:44,640 --> 01:06:47,540 Perfect. What are you doing? 1011 01:06:47,640 --> 01:06:49,449 From the hotel gift basket. 1012 01:06:49,920 --> 01:06:52,940 - What is that in your hand? - Oatmeal cookie. 1013 01:06:53,040 --> 01:06:55,168 I'm deathly allergic. What are you trying to do to me? 1014 01:06:55,280 --> 01:06:56,805 - Sorry. - Get rid of it. 1015 01:06:58,600 --> 01:07:00,125 - Double back. - Doubling. 1016 01:07:03,600 --> 01:07:05,489 We can't get out through there. 1017 01:07:06,280 --> 01:07:09,740 - Pocketknife keychain. Just in case. - In case what? 1018 01:07:09,840 --> 01:07:12,220 I get kidnapped by bad guys and held hostage. 1019 01:07:12,320 --> 01:07:14,607 - It's happened before. - What? 1020 01:07:22,080 --> 01:07:24,128 Room 3402. Charge it, please. 1021 01:07:51,360 --> 01:07:54,489 - Hey! Can you help us? - Absolutely. 1022 01:08:04,720 --> 01:08:07,451 5 more minutes, Vincent, and then we are done. 1023 01:08:07,560 --> 01:08:09,260 Secure the painting and let's get out of here. 1024 01:08:09,360 --> 01:08:11,488 We've got less than 3 hours to meet our buyer. 1025 01:08:11,880 --> 01:08:13,006 Roger that. 1026 01:08:13,160 --> 01:08:17,060 All right, Vincent, since you took something precious from me, 1027 01:08:17,160 --> 01:08:19,891 I'm taking something precious from you. 1028 01:08:42,000 --> 01:08:44,367 It's a bad day to be bad people. 1029 01:08:54,720 --> 01:08:56,688 Paul, mi amor! 1030 01:09:12,400 --> 01:09:13,731 No! 1031 01:09:32,080 --> 01:09:34,180 - Van Gogh is traveling. - Excellent. 1032 01:09:34,280 --> 01:09:36,851 I want the truck waiting in Juarez in one hour. 1033 01:09:56,560 --> 01:09:57,607 Yeah! 1034 01:10:04,760 --> 01:10:06,285 Enjoy the ride. 1035 01:10:37,000 --> 01:10:38,206 See you. 1036 01:10:44,160 --> 01:10:45,700 Where's that phone? 1037 01:10:45,800 --> 01:10:46,961 Come on. 1038 01:10:59,640 --> 01:11:02,211 - Please tell me Blart is dead. - Yeah, if by dead, you mean 1039 01:11:02,320 --> 01:11:03,900 taking out your crew one by one, 1040 01:11:04,000 --> 01:11:06,844 and being in possession of one of your prize paintings. 1041 01:11:07,320 --> 01:11:09,580 - Which one? - I'm gonna say... 1042 01:11:09,680 --> 01:11:12,780 - I don't know, sunflowers? - That's a van Gogh, you idiot. 1043 01:11:12,880 --> 01:11:16,885 Yeah, you know what? Well, it's van gone if you don't ramp down the hurtful words. 1044 01:11:17,600 --> 01:11:19,580 - What do you want? - I want to make a deal. 1045 01:11:19,680 --> 01:11:21,648 A swap. A trade. 1046 01:11:25,280 --> 01:11:27,203 Suggesting we make an exchange. 1047 01:11:27,600 --> 01:11:29,420 - You see, I have the painting... - I got it. 1048 01:11:29,520 --> 01:11:31,807 Meet me at the Grand Hall, alone. 1049 01:11:32,840 --> 01:11:35,081 Time to even the playing field. 1050 01:11:38,600 --> 01:11:40,125 Come on, man. 1051 01:11:40,840 --> 01:11:42,205 I'm sorry. 1052 01:11:49,320 --> 01:11:50,460 You know what? 1053 01:11:50,560 --> 01:11:52,100 I made my decision. 1054 01:11:52,200 --> 01:11:55,170 If we live, I'm not going to UCLA. 1055 01:11:57,080 --> 01:11:58,889 - Are you sure? - Yes! 1056 01:11:59,000 --> 01:12:00,286 I can't abandon him. 1057 01:12:00,720 --> 01:12:02,620 He's never been alone. 1058 01:12:02,720 --> 01:12:05,260 We've always lived with my grandma. 1059 01:12:05,360 --> 01:12:07,249 Until a milk truck took her to a better place. 1060 01:12:08,520 --> 01:12:10,568 And then there was those 6 days of marriage. 1061 01:12:11,080 --> 01:12:12,740 I mean, he still sleeps with a night light. 1062 01:12:12,840 --> 01:12:13,887 Really? 1063 01:12:14,200 --> 01:12:15,740 - Is that bad? - No. 1064 01:12:15,840 --> 01:12:17,660 No, a lot of people are like that. 1065 01:12:17,760 --> 01:12:19,500 Yeah, a lot of 6-year-olds. 1066 01:12:19,600 --> 01:12:20,780 You, come with me. 1067 01:12:20,880 --> 01:12:22,180 Have Robinson take him to the helipad. 1068 01:12:22,280 --> 01:12:23,420 - Let's go. - Maya. 1069 01:12:23,520 --> 01:12:24,601 Let's go! 1070 01:12:29,840 --> 01:12:31,683 - That's far enough. - Maya, you okay? 1071 01:12:33,200 --> 01:12:34,220 I'm okay. 1072 01:12:34,320 --> 01:12:35,420 Well done, Blart. 1073 01:12:35,520 --> 01:12:37,488 You thinned my manpower significantly. 1074 01:12:37,920 --> 01:12:38,921 Must be getting pretty... 1075 01:12:39,280 --> 01:12:41,203 Lonely out there. 1076 01:12:41,480 --> 01:12:42,481 You scared? 1077 01:12:43,240 --> 01:12:44,260 Not following you. 1078 01:12:44,360 --> 01:12:46,522 Your fear of being alone. 1079 01:12:48,240 --> 01:12:51,260 - First your wife dumps you at the altar. - Wrong. 1080 01:12:51,360 --> 01:12:53,124 - She was with me 6 days. - Great. 1081 01:12:53,240 --> 01:12:54,940 So she got to sample the merchandise 1082 01:12:55,040 --> 01:12:56,530 and was glad she kept her receipt. 1083 01:12:56,920 --> 01:12:58,081 And then your mom 1084 01:12:59,120 --> 01:13:00,281 kisses a bus. 1085 01:13:00,520 --> 01:13:02,568 It was a milk truck, but I'll give you that one. 1086 01:13:02,880 --> 01:13:05,780 And now your daughter can't wait to get away from you. 1087 01:13:05,880 --> 01:13:07,041 That's not true, Dad. 1088 01:13:07,680 --> 01:13:11,446 Well, she's following her destiny, and I support it fully. 1089 01:13:12,080 --> 01:13:13,491 Flag on the play, sloppy. 1090 01:13:13,960 --> 01:13:16,122 She says you can't be alone 1091 01:13:16,640 --> 01:13:18,700 and that you're doing everything in your pathetic power 1092 01:13:18,800 --> 01:13:20,245 to keep her under your thumb. 1093 01:13:21,400 --> 01:13:24,290 - I didn't say that exactly, Dad. - It's okay, sweetheart. 1094 01:13:24,680 --> 01:13:27,340 See, Vincent, I'm fiercely independent, 1095 01:13:27,440 --> 01:13:29,647 yet I'm not a big fan of being alone. 1096 01:13:30,200 --> 01:13:31,486 I'm a contradiction. 1097 01:13:33,640 --> 01:13:35,051 I told you I was crazy. 1098 01:13:37,440 --> 01:13:40,808 And I told you that I'm crazy. 1099 01:13:42,280 --> 01:13:43,780 You can't out-crazy me. 1100 01:13:43,880 --> 01:13:46,380 My crazy will take your crazy, shove it in a metal tube, 1101 01:13:46,480 --> 01:13:48,420 fill it with rats, then blowtorch it 1102 01:13:48,520 --> 01:13:51,683 until the rats have no way to escape except eating their way through your crazy. 1103 01:13:52,840 --> 01:13:55,260 Wow. You are oblivious to the avalanche of insanity 1104 01:13:55,360 --> 01:13:56,460 I am about to unload. 1105 01:13:56,560 --> 01:13:57,900 You don't know what I will do to you! 1106 01:13:58,000 --> 01:13:59,500 You don't know what I'll do to you! 1107 01:13:59,600 --> 01:14:02,922 I will spin around until I throw up on you and your friends. 1108 01:14:03,040 --> 01:14:04,420 I simply don't care! 1109 01:14:04,520 --> 01:14:07,540 I'll stick your face in maple syrup and make you sing gospel! 1110 01:14:07,640 --> 01:14:09,100 How does that blow your hair back, Blart? 1111 01:14:09,200 --> 01:14:12,220 I will crawl inside you and lay eggs like a baby spider! 1112 01:14:12,320 --> 01:14:13,340 I welcome it! 1113 01:14:13,440 --> 01:14:15,060 I've got two different colored eyes! 1114 01:14:15,160 --> 01:14:16,380 Shows you how I live my life! 1115 01:14:16,480 --> 01:14:18,900 I will bring a folk guitar to a pumpkin fight, 1116 01:14:19,000 --> 01:14:21,207 because that's the way I was brought up! 1117 01:14:22,920 --> 01:14:24,460 Okay, you lost me on that last one. 1118 01:14:24,560 --> 01:14:26,660 Because that's how crazy I am! 1119 01:14:26,760 --> 01:14:27,980 Now, give me back my daughter! 1120 01:14:28,080 --> 01:14:29,525 Give me my painting! 1121 01:14:38,240 --> 01:14:39,890 Pick it up. Pick it up before he ruins it. 1122 01:14:41,520 --> 01:14:42,726 Get back! 1123 01:14:48,320 --> 01:14:51,460 Did you honestly think that I was gonna be thwarted 1124 01:14:51,560 --> 01:14:55,770 by some sweaty, sluggish non-entity like yourself? 1125 01:14:56,160 --> 01:14:57,730 "Non-entity." 1126 01:14:57,920 --> 01:14:59,300 See, I knew you couldn't be trusted, 1127 01:14:59,400 --> 01:15:01,880 so I took out an insurance policy. 1128 01:15:02,680 --> 01:15:06,366 Allow me to introduce you to a few of my associates. 1129 01:15:06,720 --> 01:15:08,060 Gino Chizetti, 1130 01:15:08,160 --> 01:15:10,845 Staten Island Industrial Complex. 1131 01:15:11,160 --> 01:15:12,980 Saul Gundermutt, 1132 01:15:13,080 --> 01:15:15,686 Philadelphia Farmers' Market. 1133 01:15:15,960 --> 01:15:17,580 Khan Mubi, 1134 01:15:17,680 --> 01:15:19,523 King's Landing Walmart. 1135 01:15:20,160 --> 01:15:22,003 And last but not least, 1136 01:15:22,120 --> 01:15:25,727 Donna Ericone, Mall of freaking America. 1137 01:15:33,480 --> 01:15:35,130 You got to... You got to fan out, guys. 1138 01:15:35,560 --> 01:15:36,641 He can't see you. 1139 01:15:36,760 --> 01:15:38,364 Fan it out, fan it out. 1140 01:15:39,760 --> 01:15:41,460 You have your own superhero. 1141 01:15:41,560 --> 01:15:42,686 What's with the cape? 1142 01:15:44,760 --> 01:15:46,020 Why are you wearing a cape, Khan? 1143 01:15:46,120 --> 01:15:47,770 I came straight from a haircut. 1144 01:15:51,520 --> 01:15:53,170 Vincent, you just don't get it, do you? 1145 01:15:54,120 --> 01:15:56,540 Fool me once, shame on you. 1146 01:15:56,640 --> 01:15:59,020 Fool me twice, shame on me. 1147 01:15:59,120 --> 01:16:00,380 Are you sure about that? 1148 01:16:00,480 --> 01:16:03,165 You see, I have a little insurance policy of my own. 1149 01:16:12,680 --> 01:16:15,047 See, I thought I took all of you out, what... 1150 01:16:16,600 --> 01:16:19,171 Non-lethal. I get it now. 1151 01:16:21,280 --> 01:16:22,566 Shame on you. 1152 01:16:38,880 --> 01:16:42,420 We are trained to detect, deter, observe, and report. 1153 01:16:42,520 --> 01:16:46,740 But one day, 6 years ago, a man did more than that. 1154 01:16:46,840 --> 01:16:50,003 And I am that man! 1155 01:16:50,840 --> 01:16:53,684 We are that man! 1156 01:16:54,280 --> 01:16:55,850 And so I say to you, sir... 1157 01:16:57,040 --> 01:16:58,485 Foot Locker! 1158 01:17:02,480 --> 01:17:04,209 Give me the gun. Finish them. Go! 1159 01:17:04,520 --> 01:17:05,620 There's a lip on that carpet. 1160 01:17:05,720 --> 01:17:08,690 Someone's gonna have to call that in, get that changed, okay? 1161 01:17:09,080 --> 01:17:11,048 Foot Locker! 1162 01:17:48,240 --> 01:17:49,401 Dad! 1163 01:17:57,360 --> 01:17:58,930 I'm going to the helipad! 1164 01:18:36,600 --> 01:18:38,921 Saul! Help me! Help me! 1165 01:18:42,160 --> 01:18:43,321 Get back here. 1166 01:19:36,880 --> 01:19:38,530 What? What? 1167 01:19:54,880 --> 01:19:57,360 - Oh, no. - You couldn't stay out of the way, could you? 1168 01:19:57,480 --> 01:19:59,562 Eduardo, I knew you were part of this. 1169 01:19:59,840 --> 01:20:02,047 How is it a man like you could win the heart 1170 01:20:02,440 --> 01:20:03,805 of a woman like Divina? 1171 01:20:04,160 --> 01:20:06,260 What are you talking about? My daughter's been kidnapped! 1172 01:20:06,360 --> 01:20:07,407 - Come on, man! - Look! 1173 01:20:12,800 --> 01:20:13,926 We'll never get to them on time. 1174 01:20:15,480 --> 01:20:18,245 Hey, Blart. I heard you need a little backup. 1175 01:20:18,400 --> 01:20:21,722 Fun fact for you, there's no helipad up here. 1176 01:20:21,920 --> 01:20:23,684 But there is over there. 1177 01:20:34,080 --> 01:20:35,206 Got it. 1178 01:20:36,760 --> 01:20:38,091 We don't have much time. 1179 01:20:38,600 --> 01:20:40,602 - Thanks, Nick. - No hard feelings. 1180 01:20:52,360 --> 01:20:54,260 Hold on, Paul! 1181 01:20:54,360 --> 01:20:56,203 Oh, boy. 1182 01:21:02,120 --> 01:21:04,122 Do not look down! 1183 01:21:05,600 --> 01:21:07,011 Don't look up, either! 1184 01:21:10,200 --> 01:21:11,611 Knot jump! 1185 01:21:13,920 --> 01:21:15,160 Coming in hot! 1186 01:21:24,040 --> 01:21:25,485 Dad. Come on. 1187 01:21:28,160 --> 01:21:29,161 Hey! 1188 01:21:32,800 --> 01:21:35,565 You finish loading. I'll finish this. 1189 01:22:09,880 --> 01:22:11,166 Up you go, missy. 1190 01:22:13,840 --> 01:22:16,207 All right, guys. Who took my show hair? 1191 01:22:16,880 --> 01:22:18,689 I think Maya's just seen her future. 1192 01:22:21,320 --> 01:22:22,765 Nice punch. 1193 01:22:23,280 --> 01:22:24,566 Now, don't move. 1194 01:22:27,880 --> 01:22:29,450 You don't move. 1195 01:22:34,920 --> 01:22:37,764 Looks like we got ourselves a sticky situation. 1196 01:22:43,840 --> 01:22:46,180 That doesn't sound like something that can be fixed here. 1197 01:22:46,280 --> 01:22:47,850 - You done? - I am. 1198 01:22:48,080 --> 01:22:49,081 Great. So am I. 1199 01:23:07,080 --> 01:23:08,809 Oatmeal! 1200 01:23:20,400 --> 01:23:22,767 Always bet on Blart. 1201 01:23:25,440 --> 01:23:26,726 Dad! 1202 01:23:29,600 --> 01:23:32,922 So Paul Blart hadn't officially peaked after all. 1203 01:23:33,960 --> 01:23:36,460 Eduardo and I got past our differences. 1204 01:23:36,560 --> 01:23:39,500 I told him that if he ever wanted to go where the real action was, 1205 01:23:39,600 --> 01:23:42,683 there would always be a job for him at the West Orange Pavilion Mall. 1206 01:23:42,960 --> 01:23:44,121 Officer Blart. 1207 01:23:45,720 --> 01:23:47,609 He turned me down immediately. 1208 01:23:48,320 --> 01:23:50,140 But I did get to meet the man himself... 1209 01:23:50,240 --> 01:23:51,180 Mr. Wynn. 1210 01:23:51,280 --> 01:23:54,329 ...who was appreciative that I saved his art collection. 1211 01:23:55,120 --> 01:23:56,531 Very appreciative. 1212 01:23:57,200 --> 01:23:58,611 Holy crawfish! 1213 01:23:59,840 --> 01:24:03,340 With all things going my way, I figured it was time to make a decision 1214 01:24:03,440 --> 01:24:05,700 that would change my life forever. 1215 01:24:05,800 --> 01:24:06,881 Paul? 1216 01:24:07,560 --> 01:24:08,721 You... 1217 01:24:09,080 --> 01:24:10,540 - Look at me now. - Yeah, okay. 1218 01:24:10,640 --> 01:24:12,722 You are a fearless man, 1219 01:24:13,480 --> 01:24:15,801 a loving father, a strange, 1220 01:24:16,200 --> 01:24:17,700 misshapen superhero. 1221 01:24:17,800 --> 01:24:20,180 - Thank you. - And my heart is yours. 1222 01:24:20,280 --> 01:24:21,691 Okay, Divina, listen very intently. 1223 01:24:22,680 --> 01:24:25,445 Some people think that holding on is what makes one strong. 1224 01:24:25,960 --> 01:24:27,564 But in reality, 1225 01:24:28,440 --> 01:24:31,011 our only power is in letting go. 1226 01:24:31,600 --> 01:24:33,045 But I love... 1227 01:24:33,640 --> 01:24:35,210 That's just it. 1228 01:24:35,640 --> 01:24:39,180 See, it's easy to fall in love, but hard to find someone to catch you. 1229 01:24:39,280 --> 01:24:40,486 Besides, 1230 01:24:41,040 --> 01:24:42,121 you don't love me. 1231 01:24:42,840 --> 01:24:45,140 - But I... - What you love is the mystery. 1232 01:24:45,240 --> 01:24:46,740 That's all I am to you. 1233 01:24:46,840 --> 01:24:48,660 You know, I'm a lone cowboy. 1234 01:24:48,760 --> 01:24:50,180 A renegade. 1235 01:24:50,280 --> 01:24:51,850 A Rocky Mountain steed. 1236 01:24:53,440 --> 01:24:56,649 But truth be told, Divina, I'm none of those things. 1237 01:24:57,760 --> 01:24:59,410 I'm a simple man. 1238 01:25:00,000 --> 01:25:02,765 Now, the qualities you seek, they're in him. 1239 01:25:03,800 --> 01:25:06,610 That man, sitting right over there. That man, 1240 01:25:07,160 --> 01:25:09,561 just longing to catch... He's crying right now, isn't he? 1241 01:25:09,840 --> 01:25:11,251 Yep, he's crying. 1242 01:25:11,520 --> 01:25:13,045 That's a full-on cry. 1243 01:25:14,520 --> 01:25:16,580 But he's the real deal, Divina. 1244 01:25:16,680 --> 01:25:19,260 He swung in on a rope like a knight in shining armor, 1245 01:25:19,360 --> 01:25:22,045 and he rescued my daughter and me, and he loves you. 1246 01:25:22,600 --> 01:25:24,125 Now, go to him. 1247 01:25:24,960 --> 01:25:26,041 Go. 1248 01:25:28,880 --> 01:25:30,370 You're right. 1249 01:25:30,800 --> 01:25:32,882 But don't kid yourself, Paul Blart. 1250 01:25:33,240 --> 01:25:35,561 You are a Rocky Mountain steed. 1251 01:25:45,840 --> 01:25:47,251 That actually felt really good. 1252 01:25:49,400 --> 01:25:51,402 I might have made a colossal mistake. 1253 01:25:51,840 --> 01:25:52,887 Colossal. 1254 01:25:53,000 --> 01:25:54,540 Ladies and gentlemen, 1255 01:25:54,640 --> 01:25:58,929 to commemorate his long career of undying loyalty, 1256 01:25:59,240 --> 01:26:01,686 honor, and acts of heroism, 1257 01:26:02,240 --> 01:26:04,766 above and beyond the call of duty, 1258 01:26:05,040 --> 01:26:06,020 twice, 1259 01:26:06,120 --> 01:26:11,540 the Security Officers Trade Association is proud to bestow on Officer Paul Blart 1260 01:26:11,640 --> 01:26:12,940 its highest 1261 01:26:13,040 --> 01:26:15,220 and, really, only award, 1262 01:26:15,320 --> 01:26:17,402 the Safety Medal of Honor. 1263 01:26:19,240 --> 01:26:20,890 The road of life is hard. 1264 01:26:21,400 --> 01:26:25,121 But once you reach the top, the view is amazing. 1265 01:26:42,960 --> 01:26:45,725 Look, I've given it a lot of thought. 1266 01:26:46,760 --> 01:26:47,860 And I'm gonna be really happy 1267 01:26:47,960 --> 01:26:50,281 at Central Jersey Applied Technical Junior College. 1268 01:26:50,760 --> 01:26:52,020 - Really? - Yeah. 1269 01:26:52,120 --> 01:26:54,020 So they don't have a football team 1270 01:26:54,120 --> 01:26:55,460 or a campus. 1271 01:26:55,560 --> 01:26:56,740 I mean, who cares? 1272 01:26:56,840 --> 01:26:59,650 The last couple of days really reracked my priorities. 1273 01:26:59,800 --> 01:27:02,300 Well, if you want to stay home with me and keep me company, 1274 01:27:02,400 --> 01:27:05,847 maybe for a year or two until I get settled, then I have to say, 1275 01:27:06,320 --> 01:27:07,560 I think you're crazy. 1276 01:27:08,920 --> 01:27:10,684 You're going to UCLA. 1277 01:27:12,480 --> 01:27:14,130 And, besides... 1278 01:27:17,640 --> 01:27:18,926 Holy crawfish! 1279 01:27:19,240 --> 01:27:21,208 That's exactly what I said. I said that. 1280 01:27:27,000 --> 01:27:29,162 Now, go. Have fun. 1281 01:27:31,880 --> 01:27:33,166 Not too much fun. 1282 01:27:38,800 --> 01:27:40,131 All right. 1283 01:27:40,480 --> 01:27:44,565 But as for this renegade, some of us are meant to ride alone. 1284 01:27:47,640 --> 01:27:49,051 All by my... 1285 01:27:51,080 --> 01:27:53,526 What do we have here? 1286 01:28:15,840 --> 01:28:17,205 - Hey! - Sorry. 1287 01:28:31,800 --> 01:28:33,140 You know what you just did? 1288 01:28:33,240 --> 01:28:34,780 You jaywalked in a business district, sir. 1289 01:28:34,880 --> 01:28:36,928 Actually, it's "officer." 1290 01:28:39,560 --> 01:28:40,940 I apologize. 1291 01:28:41,040 --> 01:28:44,362 I should've recognized the steely-eyed gaze of a fellow brother-in-arms. 1292 01:28:48,360 --> 01:28:50,100 You're still giving me a ticket? 1293 01:28:50,200 --> 01:28:51,281 Nope. 1294 01:28:52,160 --> 01:28:53,685 I'm gonna give you my phone number. 1295 01:28:54,880 --> 01:28:57,042 In case you want to grab a drink sometime. 1296 01:28:58,520 --> 01:28:59,567 I don't drink. 1297 01:28:59,960 --> 01:29:01,485 But I do ride! 1298 01:29:09,720 --> 01:29:11,961 - Are you okay? - Nope. 1299 01:29:13,320 --> 01:29:15,368 But I've never been better.