1
00:00:18,435 --> 00:00:21,146
Okay, let's see what we have.

2
00:00:21,230 --> 00:00:22,439
Yeah.

3
00:00:22,522 --> 00:00:25,192
Well, that is
one completely normal knee.

4
00:00:26,610 --> 00:00:28,111
Just stay off of it
for a couple of days...

5
00:00:28,195 --> 00:00:31,323
- Okay.
- ...and you'll be back to your old self.

6
00:00:31,406 --> 00:00:33,158
-So, nothing serious?
-Nothing serious.

7
00:00:33,241 --> 00:00:34,702
Yeah.

8
00:00:34,785 --> 00:00:37,496
It's just a little strain and, uh-- Yeah.

9
00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:40,749
When you go out there,
you wanna give it your all,

10
00:00:40,832 --> 00:00:43,126
but you know,
you can go too far and then--

11
00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:45,087
You just never know
if it's-- if it's your day.

12
00:00:45,170 --> 00:00:49,299
Uh, at the game, I could feel that I
cranked it coming off the mini tramp,

13
00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:51,593
-and I knew-- I thought--
-I was at the game.

14
00:00:52,385 --> 00:00:53,428
And I--

15
00:00:53,511 --> 00:00:55,180
-You were at the game?
-I was. I was.

16
00:00:55,264 --> 00:00:56,723
You're a Herons fan?

17
00:00:56,807 --> 00:00:58,391
-Herons all the way.
-Wow! All right.

18
00:00:58,475 --> 00:00:59,977
-Great work, by the way.
-Thank you.

19
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:01,937
Both of you. Really enjoy it.

20
00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:04,147
-What are you doing?
-You just had a piece of fuzz in your--

21
00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:06,274
Okay, but you can tell me
with your mouth and not your hands.

22
00:01:06,358 --> 00:01:08,443
- Okay. Well, you can also relax.
- Okay.

23
00:01:08,527 --> 00:01:09,570
Just a little bit.

24
00:01:09,653 --> 00:01:11,321
- For heaven's sakes.
- All right. Do you--

25
00:01:11,404 --> 00:01:13,323
do you prescribe antidepressants?

26
00:01:17,786 --> 00:01:19,913
<i>Mascotting is not unlike a marriage</i>

27
00:01:19,997 --> 00:01:21,957
<i>- in that it's about cooperation...</i>
<i>- Mm-hmm.</i>

28
00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:24,585
<i>- ...it's about listening.</i>
<i>- Yeah.</i>

29
00:01:24,668 --> 00:01:28,005
Even if people are screaming
at you, you're not allowed to talk.

30
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:30,633
-And that's a good lesson for a marriage.
-Yeah.

31
00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:32,885
Fun story. Initially, we were going to be,

32
00:01:32,968 --> 00:01:35,721
uh, Kevin the Killer Whale
and Tammy Turtle,

33
00:01:35,804 --> 00:01:36,847
but then we discovered

34
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,683
that the killer whale is the natural enemy
of the turtle.

35
00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:40,809
-Yeah.
-And they'll...

36
00:01:40,893 --> 00:01:43,311
You know, they'll just pop 'em open
like a pistachio.

37
00:01:43,395 --> 00:01:44,688
Oh, it's like a special treat
for them, yeah.

38
00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:46,815
Yeah, and they'll toy with them
for a half hour,

39
00:01:46,899 --> 00:01:48,734
-and then just break their necks.
-Yeah.

40
00:01:48,817 --> 00:01:50,402
So, we had to switch it up.

41
00:01:50,485 --> 00:01:52,571
Sometimes not even to eat 'em.
Just-- just for fun.

42
00:01:52,655 --> 00:01:53,906
-It's a sadistic thing.
-Yeah.

43
00:01:53,989 --> 00:01:56,324
It's one of the few instances
of sadism in the animal world.

44
00:01:56,408 --> 00:01:58,410
So, we thought,
"Well, that's not gonna work for--"

45
00:01:58,493 --> 00:02:00,370
-"That doesn't fit."
-"It's not for the families."

46
00:02:00,453 --> 00:02:03,290
And we don't just work together
on the field.

47
00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:06,335
We are off the field over
at Rhea Perlman Middle School,

48
00:02:06,418 --> 00:02:07,795
where we are both teachers.

49
00:02:07,878 --> 00:02:11,131
Yeah, and they say that
those who can't do, teach,

50
00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:13,466
and those who can't teach, teach gym,

51
00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:15,510
and those who can't teach gym,
teach driver's ed.

52
00:02:15,593 --> 00:02:18,722
But, uh, joke's on them
because I teach gym and driver's ed.

53
00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:20,598
- I teach English.
- Yeah.

54
00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:22,476
Maybe just up a little bit higher.

55
00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:23,477
There you go.

56
00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:26,772
Up, up, up, up, up and stop.

57
00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:28,315
<i>I have been running on fumes.</i>

58
00:02:28,398 --> 00:02:30,608
I've been running around
like a chicken with my head cut off,

59
00:02:30,693 --> 00:02:33,111
and I think I've had maybe, oh...

60
00:02:33,195 --> 00:02:35,113
ten hours' sleep this entire week.

61
00:02:35,197 --> 00:02:36,489
But it's all gonna be worth it

62
00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:39,367
the second the first mascot
walks through these doors.

63
00:02:39,451 --> 00:02:42,954
We give away three Fluffy Awards
or, as we like to call them, "Fluffies."

64
00:02:43,789 --> 00:02:47,000
Bronze Fluffy,
Silver Fluffy and Gold Fluffy.

65
00:02:47,084 --> 00:02:50,712
And believe me, every mascot knows
just how important those awards can be,

66
00:02:51,463 --> 00:02:55,008
because if one of the winners were
to sign a major league contract,

67
00:02:55,092 --> 00:02:57,177
and it is possible that could happen,

68
00:02:57,260 --> 00:03:00,472
they could quite possibly
end up making a six-figure salary

69
00:03:00,555 --> 00:03:01,724
by this time next year.

70
00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:05,435
Mascots are coming
from every place you can imagine.

71
00:03:05,518 --> 00:03:09,397
Ohio, Indiana, Kentucky...

72
00:03:09,481 --> 00:03:10,482
Colorado...

73
00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:15,320
Oregon, Texas, New Mexico,

74
00:03:15,404 --> 00:03:17,406
Georgia, Florida...

75
00:03:18,281 --> 00:03:20,408
and then some other states, too.

76
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:24,204
Wyoming, Utah...

77
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:26,581
and several, several countries.

78
00:03:26,664 --> 00:03:29,251
This year is especially important

79
00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:33,797
because the Gluten Free Channel is sending
two executives to watch our show

80
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:36,591
and determine whether or not they want
to have it on television.

81
00:03:36,674 --> 00:03:39,762
And if that happens, well...
it's like a whole new level.

82
00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:46,393
Hello, uh, I'm Owen Golly Jr.

83
00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:49,104
Um, I'm a third-generation
mascot and butcher.

84
00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:53,233
-Uh, this is my wife, Sarah Golly.
-Hello.

85
00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:54,860
She's not a junior.

86
00:03:54,943 --> 00:03:58,906
Uh, if they're gonna put it
at the bottom of the screen,

87
00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:01,699
-it reads, like, "Owen Golly, Jr."
-Yeah.

88
00:04:01,784 --> 00:04:03,786
And it's not. It's "Jolly."

89
00:04:03,869 --> 00:04:08,039
Uh, granddad-- my granddad came up
with a little family phrase,

90
00:04:08,123 --> 00:04:11,919
which is, "Golly, gosh, no!
We're not posh, no.

91
00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:14,046
We're jolly, as in gay."

92
00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:17,925
But it meant...
"Gay" meant something different...

93
00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:20,010
-It was different in olden times.
-...in my granddad's day, uh,

94
00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:23,764
which I discovered
on my first day at school,

95
00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:25,140
when I corrected a teacher.

96
00:04:25,849 --> 00:04:28,435
My classmates loved that one.

97
00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:30,896
So, that was my nickname for a bit.

98
00:04:30,979 --> 00:04:34,274
Golly the Gay, Golly Gosh Gay,
Gay Man Golly.

99
00:04:34,357 --> 00:04:37,194
-Um... Kids can be cruel.
-Kids can be cruel.

100
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,571
What with that,
and me only having one bollock,

101
00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:42,074
it's amazing
I made it through school at all.

102
00:04:42,157 --> 00:04:44,742
Luckily, I could do this.

103
00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:53,084
<i>Yeah, so I'm a mascot,</i>
<i>for Willingham Rovers,</i>

104
00:04:53,168 --> 00:04:55,879
<i>a non-league team in South Croydon.</i>

105
00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:59,841
Dad-- Dad was Sid before me,
and his dad was Sid before him.

106
00:04:59,925 --> 00:05:02,010
-So, it's a bit of a family tradition.
-It's a family tradition.

107
00:05:02,094 --> 00:05:04,429
It's a bit of a legacy.
It's not what I dreamed of doing.

108
00:05:04,512 --> 00:05:06,764
Well, yeah, but your dad wouldn't
let you get away with not doing it.

109
00:05:06,849 --> 00:05:08,391
No. God, no.
He was insistent.

110
00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:11,478
Once his knees started going,
he was insistent that I took over.

111
00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:13,605
But I enjoy it. It's fine.
It's all a bit of banter.

112
00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:16,149
There's the standard,
"He runs, he kicks, he's got 100 pricks.

113
00:05:16,233 --> 00:05:17,775
Sid the Hedgehog,
Sid the Hedgehog."

114
00:05:17,860 --> 00:05:18,902
There's, um...

115
00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:32,958
Which is not factually correct,
'cause my mom didn't cut my bollock off.

116
00:05:33,041 --> 00:05:34,918
I lost it in a skateboarding accident.

117
00:05:38,213 --> 00:05:39,339
<i>I'm Cindi Babineaux.</i>

118
00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:43,135
I'm Alvin the Armadillo, or Armadilla,
depending on where you're from.

119
00:05:43,218 --> 00:05:44,469
You can say both.

120
00:05:44,553 --> 00:05:48,890
I studied music and dance therapy here
at the college,

121
00:05:48,974 --> 00:05:51,476
and I was a cheerleader
in high school, so, um...

122
00:05:51,559 --> 00:05:53,686
But studying dance was really, uh...

123
00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:56,064
was really fun.

124
00:05:56,148 --> 00:06:00,110
I love all kinds of dancing.
I can hip-hop. I can pop.

125
00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:07,825
See, this is Alvin right here.
I love him.

126
00:06:07,909 --> 00:06:11,329
I love, um-- I love putting on the mask,

127
00:06:11,413 --> 00:06:12,789
<i>and, um...</i>

128
00:06:13,999 --> 00:06:15,500
<i>just being inside of him.</i>

129
00:06:15,583 --> 00:06:17,502
<i>It's like I can be...</i>

130
00:06:17,586 --> 00:06:22,424
<i>I can move any way I want,</i>
<i>and, um-- I love it.</i>

131
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:28,930
<i>It took me seven and a half years</i>
<i>to graduate, but I did.</i>

132
00:06:29,014 --> 00:06:34,186
And I lived and breathed
my mascot life, like, 25/8.

133
00:06:34,269 --> 00:06:37,605
<i>I loved it.</i>
<i>I've been doing it for a long time.</i>

134
00:06:39,274 --> 00:06:43,278
I went to the Fluffies five years ago,
and I got honorable mention.

135
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:46,615
And that means I'm--

136
00:06:46,698 --> 00:06:51,911
That's like first place, really,
but it's a weird first place, and, uh...

137
00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:54,831
So, I'm gonna go back again, and...

138
00:06:59,044 --> 00:07:02,630
It could be my last time, you know?
This could be my last hurrah.

139
00:07:02,714 --> 00:07:03,798
Um...

140
00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:07,135
My swan song.

141
00:07:14,726 --> 00:07:17,687
<i>My name is Tommy,</i>
<i>also known as the Fist.</i>

142
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:21,566
I am the official mascot
of the Blue Lake Mallards.

143
00:07:21,650 --> 00:07:25,195
<i>Lot of people say I'm the bad boy</i>
<i>of sports mascotry.</i>

144
00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:26,989
And to be fair, I am currently serving

145
00:07:27,072 --> 00:07:29,907
six temporary suspensions
from different stadiums

146
00:07:29,992 --> 00:07:32,910
for some physical incidents
that took place between myself

147
00:07:32,995 --> 00:07:35,372
and some opposing players
and team mascots.

148
00:07:37,082 --> 00:07:42,587
I'm also currently serving a lifetime ban
from the Calgary Cavaliers

149
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:44,339
for a...

150
00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:46,758
sexual incident

151
00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:49,427
that took place between myself
and their team owner's wife.

152
00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:53,473
Hey! What is--

153
00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:54,641
What?

154
00:07:54,724 --> 00:07:57,727
-Hey! Hey, stop!
-Get off! What are you--

155
00:07:57,810 --> 00:07:59,812
-Hey, stop humping my wife!
-Get off me! Jesus!

156
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:04,817
I'm originally from Ireland.

157
00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:06,319
My parents founded a...

158
00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:10,490
religious commune,
I suppose you'd call it.

159
00:08:11,408 --> 00:08:16,288
A spiritual community
called Highway to Heaven,

160
00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:17,414
<i>based on the spiritual teachings</i>

161
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:20,542
<i>of Michael Landon</i>
<i>in the 1980s' TV program.</i>

162
00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:23,044
It was around that time
that I got into sports mascotry.

163
00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:28,258
I started as Kenny the Kangaroo
for a local high school football team.

164
00:08:29,384 --> 00:08:32,679
And the part of the act
that people really responded to

165
00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:35,348
was the fighting
that Kenny would get into at the end.

166
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:36,474
And so, eventually,

167
00:08:36,558 --> 00:08:39,352
I just cut out the middleman
and went straight to the fist...

168
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:45,692
which I think works well, artistically.

169
00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:48,945
<i>My name is Phil Mayhew.</i>

170
00:08:49,821 --> 00:08:52,615
<i>In my pretend life,</i>
<i>I am a real estate appraiser.</i>

171
00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:56,619
But in my real life,
I am Jack the Plumber...

172
00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:59,081
official mascot
for the Beaumont College football team.

173
00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:01,958
It is truly a dream come true for me.

174
00:09:07,672 --> 00:09:09,716
Looking good, boys.
Looking good!

175
00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:12,969
Kirby, what's up, bro?

176
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:14,387
Hey.

177
00:09:16,431 --> 00:09:18,975
Boys are looking good. Clemence!

178
00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:21,603
Clemence!

179
00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:30,278
What have we got,
the Cougars on Saturday?

180
00:09:31,154 --> 00:09:33,323
That is a tough group of boys.
We beat 'em last time,

181
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:37,119
but, uh... you always gotta
keep your wits about you, don't ya?

182
00:09:37,202 --> 00:09:38,328
Mm-hmm.

183
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:40,872
-All right, guys. See you Saturday.
-Hey, come on, man.

184
00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:45,210
Who was that guy?

185
00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:49,881
<i>I think the mascot is as important</i>
<i>as any member of the team.</i>

186
00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:53,218
'Cause when things are going good,
it's easy, but when they're bad,

187
00:09:53,301 --> 00:09:57,514
that's when I come out of the tunnel
with a T-shirt cannon or a beach ball.

188
00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,432
And I'm doing a pratfall,

189
00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:01,184
or I'm, like, pretending
to grab the ref's butt

190
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:03,060
and turning around and acting all coy.

191
00:10:03,145 --> 00:10:04,604
And that's when
the crowd is starting to laugh

192
00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:06,231
and they're starting to get enthusiastic.

193
00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:09,984
For me, it is that sound.
The sound of that crowd.

194
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:14,572
You can't really hear it inside the head,
but you can hear that there is a sound.

195
00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:18,660
And for me, the sound of that sound...

196
00:10:19,661 --> 00:10:21,288
that is the greatest sound in the world.

197
00:10:23,081 --> 00:10:24,999
Well, this is my playground.

198
00:10:25,082 --> 00:10:26,168
Isn't this something?

199
00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:29,587
This right here is where
all the mascots are gonna be performing.

200
00:10:29,671 --> 00:10:32,549
We're gonna have a judges' table
set up right over that way.

201
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,259
And then, of course,
the audience is over here.

202
00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:35,385
A thousand seats,

203
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:38,054
and I wouldn't be the least bit surprised
if we sell out this year.

204
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:39,139
Wow!

205
00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:40,932
Uh, how high is this ceiling?

206
00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:43,059
What do you think?
Just guesstimate?

207
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:45,061
Don't know. I'm not in that business.

208
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:46,271
Maybe 200 feet?

209
00:10:46,354 --> 00:10:48,398
I'm in the business
of "it needs to be higher," though.

210
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:50,108
Hello, there. I'm Upton French.

211
00:10:50,192 --> 00:10:52,694
I'm the program manager
of the Gluten Free Channel,

212
00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:57,615
which is on your basic-tier cable package

213
00:10:57,699 --> 00:10:59,909
that runs in over two cities nationwide.

214
00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:01,494
Um...

215
00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:05,915
The channel's owned by Panorama Datacom,
and I've done a bunch of shows for them,

216
00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:09,336
starting with the sailing networks,
SN1 and 2.

217
00:11:09,419 --> 00:11:11,671
SN1 went under, as it were.

218
00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:14,591
You may remember,
it was a live television event.

219
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:17,885
We did <i>Santa's Rocking Holiday Regatta,</i>

220
00:11:17,969 --> 00:11:20,513
and the boat carrying Santa Claus turtled,

221
00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:22,056
and Santa just went right down.

222
00:11:22,139 --> 00:11:23,850
He was gone,

223
00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:29,355
and we never really lived down the name
the Channel That Killed Santa Claus.

224
00:11:30,315 --> 00:11:32,692
But I licked my wounds.
I just kept going.

225
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,570
FRC was next,
the Fence and Railing Channel.

226
00:11:35,653 --> 00:11:37,905
We did have
a very good-looking pole driver on there,

227
00:11:37,989 --> 00:11:42,619
a very messy personal life
and a terrible driving record,

228
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:45,913
and then those things
generally play well with women.

229
00:11:45,997 --> 00:11:48,625
- We love the bad boys.
- Yeah, do you?

230
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:51,294
- We love the bad boys.
- Isn't she funny?

231
00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:55,214
Anyway, on from there,
we went to the Varicose Vein Channel,

232
00:11:55,298 --> 00:11:58,259
which I had a big, uh--
a big success with.

233
00:11:58,343 --> 00:12:00,553
Pulled in some very big numbers
on a special I ran

234
00:12:00,637 --> 00:12:02,347
called <i>Do the Backs of My Legs</i>
<i>Look Like Waffles?</i>

235
00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:06,351
That brings me up to the day
that I met this one here.

236
00:12:07,685 --> 00:12:09,854
Well, I'm Jessica Mundt,

237
00:12:09,937 --> 00:12:12,940
and I'm a junior executive
at the Gluten Free Channel.

238
00:12:13,024 --> 00:12:16,736
And I am under this man's wing.

239
00:12:16,819 --> 00:12:18,029
He's showing me the ropes.

240
00:12:18,112 --> 00:12:21,032
I've never been out and about
like this before.

241
00:12:21,115 --> 00:12:22,241
In the field.

242
00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:24,827
So, I'm really
enjoying it quite a bit.

243
00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:28,373
Uh, this guy picked me up.
I was working at the Elevator Channel.

244
00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:32,752
Before that, I was a PA
on the hit show <i>Does That Smell Normal?</i>

245
00:12:44,722 --> 00:12:47,767
-Does this smell normal?
-I can't tell.

246
00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:50,270
Really,
everybody involved in that production

247
00:12:50,353 --> 00:12:53,648
caught my eye because
they pulled these incredible numbers out

248
00:12:53,731 --> 00:12:55,608
of this very difficult show.

249
00:12:55,692 --> 00:12:57,068
And particularly Jessica here.

250
00:12:57,151 --> 00:12:59,320
-"Lightning in a bottle" we called it.
-Yeah. There you go.

251
00:13:03,157 --> 00:13:05,076
Oh, that's it! Oh, that's it!

252
00:13:05,159 --> 00:13:07,454
Zook, let's go, man.
We gotta get going.

253
00:13:07,537 --> 00:13:09,539
Go away!

254
00:13:10,873 --> 00:13:12,291
We gotta hit the road, man.

255
00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:13,960
We gotta do 2,000 miles in three days.

256
00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:15,294
No, thank you!

257
00:13:15,378 --> 00:13:17,254
Okay, I'll drive the first shift. Sure.

258
00:13:17,339 --> 00:13:19,507
<i>I've been a bouncer</i>
<i>here at Bushwackers</i>

259
00:13:19,591 --> 00:13:21,258
<i>for about a little over two years.</i>

260
00:13:21,343 --> 00:13:24,554
Um, I actually met Zook first time...
Gosh.

261
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:27,807
It would've been in my hometown.
It would've been in Medicine Hat, Alberta.

262
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:30,435
And I was bouncing in a place
called the Cabbage Patch.

263
00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:32,729
And that was kind of a crazy meeting

264
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:36,983
because he actually got into the club
dressed as the Fist,

265
00:13:37,066 --> 00:13:40,778
<i>and my manager was like, "Shut it down."</i>
<i>I was like, "What? This is too good."</i>

266
00:13:40,862 --> 00:13:44,115
So, they suspended him for a little while,
and he just came back, you know.

267
00:13:44,198 --> 00:13:48,786
He came to me and he said,
"I need a straight man for my act,"

268
00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:51,873
and I was like, "Right on, dude.
I'm straight and I party."

269
00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:55,377
And he goes, "Well, not like that.
You would be in my act as a straight man."

270
00:13:55,460 --> 00:13:57,378
He explained it to me
and I figured it out,

271
00:13:57,462 --> 00:13:59,797
and it's been unbelievable since.

272
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:09,516
-Ah, got what you wanted?
-I got what I wanted.

273
00:14:09,599 --> 00:14:10,808
- What did you want?
- Cod and chips.

274
00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:12,435
-Did you get it? Good.
-I got cod and chips.

275
00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:13,561
-Hmm. Nice!
-Look at that.

276
00:14:13,645 --> 00:14:16,481
Willingham Rovers has been
sort of part of my whole life.

277
00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:20,485
I pretty much grew up at Peacedale Park.

278
00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:23,112
I was probably this high,
you know...

279
00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:25,823
...just a nipper when I first went
to the ground.

280
00:14:25,907 --> 00:14:29,660
I used to stand at the Flange Road end
behind the goal,

281
00:14:29,744 --> 00:14:32,789
and, uh...
it grew from there, really.

282
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:37,210
And then, when I was 16,
on my 16th birthday, I got this.

283
00:14:37,293 --> 00:14:39,295
The uh...
you know, the club tattoo.

284
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:42,507
There's a factory here,
and then there's two spoons.

285
00:14:42,590 --> 00:14:47,428
And in 1905, the club was formed
by the workers at the pudding factory.

286
00:14:47,512 --> 00:14:50,139
<i>And they decided</i>
<i>they wanted to have a mascot.</i>

287
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:53,393
So they had-- I think they
had trials that next week,

288
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:55,520
and my father, um...

289
00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:59,607
Owen Golly Sr. Sr.,
got chosen to be Sid the Hedgehog,

290
00:14:59,691 --> 00:15:03,945
and that began
what is really a family dynasty now.

291
00:15:04,028 --> 00:15:05,905
All right, guys,
we've got to go, go, go, go, go.

292
00:15:05,988 --> 00:15:07,073
- You got my bag?
- We're running late.

293
00:15:07,156 --> 00:15:08,658
-I got it.
-Don't worry. He's got everything.

294
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:10,702
All right, Monty,
we need to step on it, buddy.

295
00:15:10,785 --> 00:15:12,620
Hon, it's fine.

296
00:15:12,703 --> 00:15:15,832
- Okay, we are late.
- We're really not that late.

297
00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:19,210
Okay, yeah, but I always get chosen
for a TSA pat-down,

298
00:15:19,293 --> 00:15:21,879
-so we need to--
-Well, you're very tall. It's obnoxious.

299
00:15:22,797 --> 00:15:25,258
You fit the lone-shooter profile,
I think.

300
00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:27,009
-Okay. You know what?
-Will you be careful with these?

301
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:29,178
What did Dr. Ezefee say
about hate speech?

302
00:15:35,477 --> 00:15:36,728
Uh...

303
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:40,147
Oh.

304
00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:43,317
-It hasn't always been easy.
-Yeah.

305
00:15:44,402 --> 00:15:46,404
You know, like any couple,
we have our ups and downs.

306
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:48,948
Which is normal.

307
00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:51,117
Right.

308
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:54,370
And, uh, I think what...

309
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:58,374
sort of the watchword is
with us is "commitment."

310
00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:01,085
We're committed.

311
00:16:02,211 --> 00:16:04,296
Well, he slept with someone.

312
00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:07,383
So... probably mention that.

313
00:16:09,761 --> 00:16:12,179
-Cindi Babineaux.
-Yeah, Cindi Babineaux.

314
00:16:12,263 --> 00:16:15,517
Five years ago at a mascot competition.

315
00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:21,105
Can I help who's next?

316
00:16:21,188 --> 00:16:23,357
-Remember that?
-And I would take the...

317
00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:26,402
- Ladies? Ladies? Can I help you?
- Hey.

318
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:27,737
-Yes.
-Yeah.

319
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:30,031
Identification, please.
Hi, there.

320
00:16:30,114 --> 00:16:33,367
When we were in high school,
I got a note.

321
00:16:33,450 --> 00:16:35,495
Laci passed me a note in class.

322
00:16:35,578 --> 00:16:37,204
-Yeah.
-In history class.

323
00:16:37,288 --> 00:16:40,791
And it said, "I'm your sister."

324
00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:45,171
And I was like,
"Yeah, I'm your sister. I love you."

325
00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:47,340
We go to the same church,
so I thought it was--

326
00:16:47,423 --> 00:16:48,925
-it was sister talk.
-Like sisters in Christ.

327
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,092
Yeah.

328
00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:54,222
And she wrote me another note
and passed it.

329
00:16:54,305 --> 00:16:55,682
It was one of them football notes.

330
00:16:56,724 --> 00:17:02,230
And, um... it said,
"No, you're really my sister.

331
00:17:03,439 --> 00:17:05,608
-We have the same daddy."
-We do.

332
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,027
Our chemicals are the same.

333
00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:10,029
-Half of 'em.
-Half of 'em.

334
00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:12,615
So, apparently,

335
00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:16,828
and I found out when I was 16 that
my mother, who lives in Electric Mills,

336
00:17:16,911 --> 00:17:19,496
had an affair with her daddy,
who runs a filling station.

337
00:17:19,581 --> 00:17:21,708
And then, we have the same birthday.

338
00:17:21,791 --> 00:17:23,584
-Yeah.
-So that was the weird thing

339
00:17:23,668 --> 00:17:26,128
-which made it even more personal.
-You know, when it rains...

340
00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:27,254
-It pours.
-Right.

341
00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:29,465
- Yeah.
- It does. Well...

342
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:31,258
Because, later on that year...

343
00:17:32,301 --> 00:17:33,344
Yeah.

344
00:17:33,427 --> 00:17:35,512
-You had your accident.
-I had an accident.

345
00:17:35,597 --> 00:17:39,516
Um, I had a little dream in my heart of...

346
00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,354
going to college
on a cheerleading scholarship.

347
00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:45,189
Oh, baby.

348
00:17:45,273 --> 00:17:47,733
And I fell.

349
00:17:48,526 --> 00:17:52,572
And she was so good. She was--
You were so good.

350
00:17:52,655 --> 00:17:56,242
And I sprained my ankle,
and I had to hobble.

351
00:17:56,325 --> 00:17:58,703
And then, you couldn't do the pageants.
So, that was--

352
00:17:58,786 --> 00:18:00,872
Right. It kind of just wiped me out.

353
00:18:00,955 --> 00:18:03,124
It wiped me out of pep rallies
and homecoming

354
00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:06,043
and cheerleading,
and scholarship, and, um...

355
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:10,590
It took away a lot of purpose from me.

356
00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:13,885
-But then you had your kids.
-Yes.

357
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:17,096
Yes, thank you for reminding me.

358
00:18:17,179 --> 00:18:19,515
I have Ruby and Jamaica.

359
00:18:20,432 --> 00:18:21,601
And, um...

360
00:18:22,727 --> 00:18:27,064
They're 24 and 22 now,
so they're big. They're big girls.

361
00:18:27,148 --> 00:18:30,067
And Ruby has a little one. Ruby Jr.

362
00:18:30,151 --> 00:18:32,987
- She's a grandma.
- So she's a-- I am.

363
00:18:33,070 --> 00:18:34,614
She's a granny!

364
00:18:36,699 --> 00:18:38,743
<i>I'm excited to get down</i>
<i>to Anaheim because</i>

365
00:18:38,826 --> 00:18:40,286
<i>I'm gonna be around like-minded people.</i>

366
00:18:40,369 --> 00:18:41,996
'Cause, for the most part,

367
00:18:42,079 --> 00:18:46,458
all of us are going down there
because we have a passion for this craft.

368
00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:48,878
Um...

369
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:52,339
There's also another reason
that I am excited about going down there,

370
00:18:52,423 --> 00:18:58,387
and... full disclosure, I reconnected
with an old classmate on Facebook.

371
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:01,641
Robin Wexler, the hottest girl
at Higbee High School.

372
00:19:02,934 --> 00:19:06,478
But yeah, she wound up marrying
Steve Nunan, captain of the soccer team,

373
00:19:06,562 --> 00:19:08,230
for which I was the mascot.

374
00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:11,108
And now she is divorced,

375
00:19:11,192 --> 00:19:13,110
and her grown son has moved out
of the house,

376
00:19:13,194 --> 00:19:14,904
and she's living
in Orange County, California.

377
00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:19,241
So... spoiler alert, we really hit it off
on Facebook Messenger.

378
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:22,161
And I have volunteered to perform

379
00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:25,622
at a charity event that she's organizing
for a group of disadvantaged children.

380
00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:28,625
So, I'm excited to get down there.

381
00:19:36,467 --> 00:19:38,803
-Hello, there.
-Oh, hello. Welcome, sir.

382
00:19:38,886 --> 00:19:44,141
Blumquist, AJ. They should have
the John Wayne suite ready.

383
00:19:45,392 --> 00:19:47,603
Okay, we actually have you
for the Slim Pickens suite.

384
00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:51,023
I don't think so.
I think I'm in the John Wayne suite.

385
00:19:51,107 --> 00:19:53,150
I made a reservation.
I got a confirmation number right here.

386
00:19:53,234 --> 00:19:54,610
-Okay. Yeah, let me take a look at that.
-Sure.

387
00:19:57,154 --> 00:20:00,032
No, sir, you're actually
in the Slim Pickens suite.

388
00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:02,034
-Huh. Gabby.
-Let me go ahead and get your card.

389
00:20:02,118 --> 00:20:04,412
-How you doing?
-Hey, you-- AJ.

390
00:20:04,495 --> 00:20:07,539
You think that name would be
on the tip of my tongue. I'm sorry.

391
00:20:07,623 --> 00:20:10,334
After all this time. Uh...

392
00:20:10,417 --> 00:20:12,920
I'm Gabby Monkhouse.
I'm in the John Wayne suite.

393
00:20:13,004 --> 00:20:14,046
Oh, all right.

394
00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:15,214
-One minute, Miss Monkhouse.
-All right.

395
00:20:15,297 --> 00:20:16,883
Let me just...

396
00:20:16,966 --> 00:20:19,343
I don't think it's overstating anything

397
00:20:19,427 --> 00:20:25,224
to say that I was the first female
to bring notoriety to our field

398
00:20:25,307 --> 00:20:26,558
as Minnie the Moose,

399
00:20:26,642 --> 00:20:30,146
the Vernon Community College
baseball team's mascot.

400
00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:33,232
I once held the splits

401
00:20:33,315 --> 00:20:37,069
<i>for the entire length</i>
<i>of an extra inning baseball game</i>

402
00:20:37,153 --> 00:20:38,780
<i>in spite of excruciating pain...</i>

403
00:20:39,530 --> 00:20:44,702
and a severe severing
of my adductor longus muscle

404
00:20:44,785 --> 00:20:47,288
that eventually required four hours
of surgery

405
00:20:47,371 --> 00:20:51,458
and added two and a half inches
to my left leg, forcing me to retire.

406
00:20:51,542 --> 00:20:53,002
And I...

407
00:20:54,461 --> 00:20:58,424
I wrote a tale...
documenting that journey.

408
00:20:58,507 --> 00:21:05,014
<i>A-Moosing Grace. A Mascot's Journey to God</i>
<i>...and Success in Real Estate.</i>

409
00:21:11,145 --> 00:21:15,441
Well, my name is AJ Blumquist,
and I'm a former mascot, Danny the Donkey.

410
00:21:15,524 --> 00:21:18,110
And I'm a judge this year
for the Fluffies.

411
00:21:18,194 --> 00:21:23,866
For the two people that don't know,
Danny the Donkey, my mascot, alter ego,

412
00:21:23,950 --> 00:21:26,911
was the first one to have
an anatomically correct costume.

413
00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:30,915
<i>That lasted all of one game.</i>
<i>Caused a lot of controversy.</i>

414
00:21:30,998 --> 00:21:34,626
But I have a lot of fans in Mexico,
south of the border,

415
00:21:34,710 --> 00:21:37,254
Tasmania, Finland.

416
00:21:37,338 --> 00:21:39,131
And I've had a lot of personal growth.

417
00:21:39,215 --> 00:21:44,095
I see my role in the controversy
that was involved in that.

418
00:21:44,178 --> 00:21:47,974
Not just the costume that I designed
and went out one day onto the field with,

419
00:21:48,057 --> 00:21:51,310
but, you know, the muscle cars
and the large cigars.

420
00:21:51,811 --> 00:21:54,563
You know, I was overcompensating.
Classic overcompensation.

421
00:21:54,646 --> 00:21:57,566
But with support groups,
I've made a lot of progress.

422
00:21:57,650 --> 00:22:00,027
And, you know, I-I--

423
00:22:00,111 --> 00:22:02,321
I stay away from medical terms
like micropenis.

424
00:22:02,404 --> 00:22:04,156
I'm phallically challenged...

425
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:07,576
and you know,
some of the great groups that I rely on

426
00:22:07,660 --> 00:22:10,621
are Tom Thumb and Tiny Tim
and Pinky Promise,

427
00:22:10,704 --> 00:22:12,498
that have helped me accept
who I am as a man.

428
00:22:13,582 --> 00:22:18,087
And right now,
cochlear sex is really trending very hot.

429
00:22:18,170 --> 00:22:19,546
You wanna just put in, "hashtag..."

430
00:22:19,630 --> 00:22:22,591
In any of your social media,
"Hashtag, in your ear,"

431
00:22:22,674 --> 00:22:24,301
and you'll see what's going on.

432
00:22:24,385 --> 00:22:26,512
You have to be very careful
how you spell that, though.

433
00:22:26,595 --> 00:22:29,390
So, make sure you spell it or say it,
"In your ear."

434
00:22:29,473 --> 00:22:32,726
Otherwise, you know, people think
you're talking about something else.

435
00:22:34,603 --> 00:22:35,646
Have a good night.

436
00:22:35,729 --> 00:22:37,731
<i>We're two days away</i>
<i>from the competition,</i>

437
00:22:37,814 --> 00:22:39,316
<i>and I hope you're proud of yourselves</i>

438
00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:41,027
because, literally,

439
00:22:41,110 --> 00:22:44,280
hundreds of mascots wanted
to compete in this year's competition.

440
00:22:44,363 --> 00:22:48,492
And the judges and I went through all
the applications and the audition tapes,

441
00:22:48,575 --> 00:22:50,494
and we even had to hire translators

442
00:22:50,577 --> 00:22:53,039
because there are some
kind of weird languages out there.

443
00:22:53,122 --> 00:22:54,748
And believe me, it wasn't cheap.

444
00:22:54,831 --> 00:22:58,627
And we finally narrowed it down
to 20 finalists.

445
00:22:58,710 --> 00:23:00,171
That's you people.

446
00:23:00,254 --> 00:23:02,798
Give yourselves a round of applause.

447
00:23:05,842 --> 00:23:08,720
I can see some of you out there
sizing up the competition,

448
00:23:08,804 --> 00:23:11,348
looking at 'em and thinking,
"That's my arch enemy."

449
00:23:11,432 --> 00:23:13,267
Well, not tonight.

450
00:23:13,350 --> 00:23:15,686
Tonight, we are all friends.

451
00:23:15,769 --> 00:23:16,979
In fact, could you all just take a moment

452
00:23:17,063 --> 00:23:20,149
and say hello and meet-and-greet somebody
maybe you've never met before?

453
00:23:20,232 --> 00:23:23,027
It's what we always do at church.
Isn't that fun?

454
00:23:23,110 --> 00:23:25,321
Great.
God bless each and every one of you.

455
00:23:25,404 --> 00:23:27,698
Hey, let's have a party!

456
00:23:31,702 --> 00:23:33,162
- Hey, how's it going?
- Good evening.

457
00:23:33,245 --> 00:23:35,706
Tommy Zucarello, plus one.

458
00:23:35,789 --> 00:23:38,625
Uh, yeah. Tommy's in there,
but there's no plus one.

459
00:23:38,709 --> 00:23:40,461
There should be. Um...

460
00:23:41,753 --> 00:23:44,340
What about the Fist?
Is there the Fist plus one?

461
00:23:44,423 --> 00:23:47,176
-Uh, the Fist?
-Yeah.

462
00:23:47,259 --> 00:23:48,510
No plus one.

463
00:24:05,611 --> 00:24:06,862
No? Really?

464
00:24:06,945 --> 00:24:08,322
Sorry, yeah.
It's not on the list.

465
00:24:08,405 --> 00:24:11,242
Oh, you know what? He probably
did a nickname thing, "Dibs." D-I-B-S.

466
00:24:11,325 --> 00:24:12,701
-Okay. I'll check.
-Yeah, I'm sure it's there.

467
00:24:12,785 --> 00:24:13,827
-I'm sure it's there.
-Mm-hmm.

468
00:24:13,910 --> 00:24:15,162
Is that a margarita machine?

469
00:24:17,539 --> 00:24:20,209
That vanilla wrap is such a must-have.
I love it.

470
00:24:20,292 --> 00:24:22,753
-It's a vanilla wrap?
-It's called a vanilla wrap.

471
00:24:22,836 --> 00:24:24,171
-Oh, I've never heard that term.
-Mm-hmm.

472
00:24:24,255 --> 00:24:25,672
-All right, strawberry as requested.
-Oh, thank you.

473
00:24:32,929 --> 00:24:35,307
-I'm Mindy.
-Hi, Mindy. I'm Cindi.

474
00:24:35,391 --> 00:24:36,684
-Mike Murray.
-Hi, I'm Laci.

475
00:24:36,767 --> 00:24:37,851
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Good to see you. Hi.

476
00:24:37,935 --> 00:24:39,812
-You're a Babineaux?
-Yes.

477
00:24:39,895 --> 00:24:40,980
Okay.

478
00:24:41,981 --> 00:24:44,483
-Are you feeling okay?
-Yeah. Yeah, I feel great--

479
00:24:44,566 --> 00:24:46,277
Mike has IBS, so it's tough.

480
00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:47,403
Ouch!

481
00:24:47,486 --> 00:24:50,197
You know, you're having a great time,
and then...

482
00:24:52,033 --> 00:24:54,618
Well, I've had three yeast infections
since my divorce.

483
00:24:56,412 --> 00:24:58,580
I just wanna stick a hairbrush down there
and get it out.

484
00:25:00,499 --> 00:25:01,917
<i>This is our vendors' area.</i>

485
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:05,546
<i>We have 24 booths in all.</i>
<i>Three more than last year.</i>

486
00:25:05,629 --> 00:25:08,215
<i>And this is, by far,</i>
<i>the best turnout we have ever had.</i>

487
00:25:08,299 --> 00:25:09,466
<i>I don't know if you can smell it,</i>

488
00:25:09,550 --> 00:25:12,094
but the popcorn
is really, really going on strong,

489
00:25:12,178 --> 00:25:14,138
which means people
are staying and buying things.

490
00:25:14,221 --> 00:25:15,556
That's 'cause you're
probably smelling mine.

491
00:25:15,639 --> 00:25:18,684
-It's right here.
-Oh. You're right.

492
00:25:18,767 --> 00:25:20,352
But I also think
it's from other people, too.

493
00:25:20,436 --> 00:25:21,478
It might just be hers.

494
00:25:21,562 --> 00:25:22,646
-I think it's this.
-It could be.

495
00:25:22,729 --> 00:25:24,565
- Hi. What's your name?
- Hi. Tommy.

496
00:25:24,648 --> 00:25:27,526
-Tommy, this has been a delight.
-Oh, well, thank you so much.

497
00:25:27,609 --> 00:25:28,777
-You bet, darling.
-Take care.

498
00:25:28,860 --> 00:25:30,362
God bless, sweetheart.

499
00:25:32,156 --> 00:25:33,198
AJ.

500
00:25:33,282 --> 00:25:36,535
You know, I could nudge some
of my people towards you.

501
00:25:36,618 --> 00:25:38,079
They might enjoy meeting you...

502
00:25:38,162 --> 00:25:39,538
even if they don't know who you are.

503
00:25:39,621 --> 00:25:41,081
-No, no. I'm fine. I got a whole--
-You good?

504
00:25:41,165 --> 00:25:42,458
There's a busload of people coming.

505
00:25:42,541 --> 00:25:44,376
-Is that right?
-They must be a little bit late.

506
00:25:44,460 --> 00:25:45,669
-I better call 'em.
-Yeah.

507
00:25:45,752 --> 00:25:48,297
-Hi! What's your name?
-Hi. Lindsay.

508
00:25:55,679 --> 00:25:58,223
Have you ever spent
any time inside a mascot outfit?

509
00:25:58,307 --> 00:25:59,516
No, I never have.

510
00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:02,018
It's like, you know, walking around
with a porta-potty.

511
00:26:02,102 --> 00:26:03,604
Porta-potties, I've been in. Many of them.

512
00:26:03,687 --> 00:26:05,314
Then you know what that smells like.

513
00:26:05,397 --> 00:26:06,398
Ooh.

514
00:26:06,482 --> 00:26:09,818
-Let me share with you what I do.
-Oh, wow, please. Okay, I'm all ears.

515
00:26:09,901 --> 00:26:11,695
I'm an aromatic engineer.

516
00:26:11,778 --> 00:26:13,322
-Kind of an inventor.
-Right.

517
00:26:13,405 --> 00:26:15,199
-So, I'm gonna show you...
-Yeah, please.

518
00:26:15,282 --> 00:26:19,786
I've come up with what I like to call
the scented cup.

519
00:26:21,455 --> 00:26:23,290
I've got bruschetta.

520
00:26:23,374 --> 00:26:25,000
-Bruschetta? Are you serious?
-Oh, yeah.

521
00:26:25,083 --> 00:26:27,128
And then we have anchovy.

522
00:26:27,211 --> 00:26:30,631
People from the northwest
are going crazy for this, this anchovy.

523
00:26:30,714 --> 00:26:31,840
Oh, very interesting ones.

524
00:26:31,924 --> 00:26:33,342
-Yeah, no--
-Anchovy and bruschetta.

525
00:26:33,425 --> 00:26:34,926
You know, "Where's dinner?"
"Down here."

526
00:26:35,010 --> 00:26:37,096
I can't tell you how excited I am
to be here.

527
00:26:37,179 --> 00:26:40,641
You know,
I first fell in love with mascotting

528
00:26:40,724 --> 00:26:43,144
when my second wife,
Lordes, and I,

529
00:26:43,227 --> 00:26:47,272
we took our kids,
Muffy, Ponce, Sugito and um...

530
00:26:47,356 --> 00:26:48,774
Oh, boy, what's her name?

531
00:26:48,857 --> 00:26:50,066
She's always running around,

532
00:26:50,151 --> 00:26:53,529
hiding under coffee tables
and behind sofas.

533
00:26:53,612 --> 00:26:55,239
Never comes out in the day-- Maria.

534
00:26:55,322 --> 00:26:56,615
Took 'em to a ball game.

535
00:26:56,698 --> 00:26:59,618
And so, I found,
as the game progressed, that--

536
00:26:59,701 --> 00:27:02,538
Well, they were watching the mascots
more than they were watching the game.

537
00:27:02,621 --> 00:27:04,039
And I popped a lot of money
for those tickets,

538
00:27:04,123 --> 00:27:06,834
so, you know, that got me interested
in mascotting.

539
00:27:06,917 --> 00:27:09,211
And I go home,
and I start researching a little bit,

540
00:27:09,295 --> 00:27:10,337
and it's fascinating

541
00:27:10,420 --> 00:27:14,383
because so many people think
mascotting's been around for 200 years.

542
00:27:15,133 --> 00:27:16,385
Wrong. So wrong.

543
00:27:16,468 --> 00:27:18,929
I mean, you can go back to like 1500 BC.

544
00:27:19,012 --> 00:27:21,973
<i>The Egyptians, you know, they only paint</i>
<i>with everybody looking to the left.</i>

545
00:27:22,057 --> 00:27:25,436
You ever noticed that?
Life is one big left turn to these people.

546
00:27:25,519 --> 00:27:29,190
If I lived then, I'd be on the right,
be something different, be fun, go nuts.

547
00:27:29,273 --> 00:27:30,857
But I didn't live then, sadly enough.

548
00:27:48,292 --> 00:27:49,585
Mr. Gammons, sir.

549
00:27:49,668 --> 00:27:51,753
-Sorry I'm late.
-Oh, hi, Phil.

550
00:27:51,837 --> 00:27:53,589
Yeah, I had a bit of a mesh tear
inside the helmet.

551
00:27:53,672 --> 00:27:55,757
I had to find some electrical tape,
but we're all good.

552
00:27:55,841 --> 00:27:57,718
Dogs are funny, aren't they?

553
00:27:58,677 --> 00:27:59,678
You like dogs?

554
00:27:59,761 --> 00:28:00,887
I like 'em, yeah.

555
00:28:00,971 --> 00:28:03,307
-Hey, you put on some weight?
-Well...

556
00:28:03,390 --> 00:28:04,891
I like the outfit.

557
00:28:04,975 --> 00:28:07,102
I've weighed 161 pounds
since 11th grade.

558
00:28:07,186 --> 00:28:09,897
What have you got planned here?
I've been thinking about this act.

559
00:28:09,980 --> 00:28:13,191
Um, well, you know, there's gonna be...
The toilet is up here.

560
00:28:13,275 --> 00:28:14,485
-Center stage, in the back there.
-All right.

561
00:28:14,568 --> 00:28:17,738
I'm gonna enter from over here.
Got my bag of-- bag of tricks.

562
00:28:17,821 --> 00:28:19,406
-Yeah.
-So, music starts.

563
00:28:19,490 --> 00:28:20,907
I give it a beat or two.

564
00:28:20,991 --> 00:28:24,077
Jack the Plumber enters,
and he's kind of big and looking around,

565
00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:25,579
you know, "What's this? What's..."

566
00:28:25,662 --> 00:28:27,789
I'm gonna drop my stuff,
my gear, there.

567
00:28:27,873 --> 00:28:29,958
And that's when I clock the audience,

568
00:28:30,041 --> 00:28:33,545
and then it's like,
"Come on, let's go. Let's go."

569
00:28:33,629 --> 00:28:35,213
All the way across the front there.

570
00:28:35,297 --> 00:28:39,551
Then I give 'em a little,
"I can't hear you. I can't hear you."

571
00:28:39,635 --> 00:28:42,596
All right, let me stop you right there.
Why can't you hear them?

572
00:28:45,140 --> 00:28:47,976
-I can't hear them...
-So, I like all this up to a point.

573
00:28:48,059 --> 00:28:50,354
-Okay.
-But nevertheless, as a plumber,

574
00:28:50,437 --> 00:28:52,731
you're gonna be very concerned
about your job.

575
00:28:52,814 --> 00:28:54,275
-I'm sorry to interrupt you there--
-No,

576
00:28:54,358 --> 00:28:55,567
that's when I'm gonna take
a bit of a break

577
00:28:55,651 --> 00:28:56,652
'cause I'm gonna dance.

578
00:28:56,735 --> 00:28:58,654
That's why I've been working
really hard on the...

579
00:28:59,655 --> 00:29:01,072
And if you throw a little twist in,

580
00:29:01,156 --> 00:29:03,534
the white-haired crowd
is gonna go mad, right?

581
00:29:03,617 --> 00:29:05,494
Yeah. It's fun. It's generational.

582
00:29:05,577 --> 00:29:10,123
But I'd like another button on there.
Something that's a little more satisfying.

583
00:29:10,207 --> 00:29:12,542
And I think we can do it.
We'll put our heads together.

584
00:29:12,626 --> 00:29:15,170
And plus, there's gonna be
some plumbers in the audience.

585
00:29:15,254 --> 00:29:16,338
They're gonna be your toughest critics.

586
00:29:16,422 --> 00:29:18,632
And they're gonna say,
"Hey, a plumber wouldn't do that."

587
00:29:18,715 --> 00:29:20,717
So, you'll fool 'em
and show 'em the right moves.

588
00:29:32,979 --> 00:29:34,105
Punt.

589
00:29:46,785 --> 00:29:48,287
The ladder comes down from--

590
00:29:48,370 --> 00:29:49,663
Whoa! Hold on, hold on.
What are you doing?

591
00:29:49,746 --> 00:29:52,333
I'm gonna do the ladder routine
that I've been working on.

592
00:29:52,416 --> 00:29:53,667
Come on now. We talked about this.

593
00:29:53,750 --> 00:29:56,169
I know we talked about it.
We've talked about it a lot.

594
00:29:56,252 --> 00:29:58,213
But I really think now is the moment

595
00:29:58,297 --> 00:30:00,466
for me to finish
with the big ladder routine.

596
00:30:00,549 --> 00:30:01,758
Now, because there's a ladder here--

597
00:30:01,842 --> 00:30:04,260
No, Dad, there wasn't just a ladder there.
I bought that ladder.

598
00:30:04,345 --> 00:30:06,430
- You bought it? When?
- Yeah, I bought it yesterday.

599
00:30:06,513 --> 00:30:09,265
I've been working on this routine
for months, Dad, and it's good.

600
00:30:09,349 --> 00:30:11,476
-You didn't tell me about it.
-I have told you.

601
00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:13,687
I've told you time and time again
about the ladder routine,

602
00:30:13,770 --> 00:30:14,980
and you keep knocking it down.

603
00:30:15,063 --> 00:30:18,525
I've seen the Americans' acts.
They're bigger. They've got big finishes.

604
00:30:18,608 --> 00:30:20,777
They've got fireworks
and pyros and dancing girls.

605
00:30:20,861 --> 00:30:23,322
-So we have to become American now?
-No, we're not coming--

606
00:30:23,405 --> 00:30:25,032
We've got a beautiful routine.
It's lovely.

607
00:30:25,115 --> 00:30:28,410
What we've got
is a British act that has tradition.

608
00:30:28,494 --> 00:30:30,120
-I know.
-Tradition is good!

609
00:30:30,203 --> 00:30:31,372
Our tradition is great.

610
00:30:31,455 --> 00:30:34,500
Do you wanna piss on tradition?
Do you? Go to Her Majesty.

611
00:30:34,583 --> 00:30:38,211
"Ma'am, why don't you go out next time
without your crown and scepter,

612
00:30:38,294 --> 00:30:39,338
and wear a fez?"

613
00:30:39,421 --> 00:30:42,007
Oh, yeah. "And carry a selfie stick.

614
00:30:42,090 --> 00:30:44,801
And while you're at it,
have Philip bring along a ladder."

615
00:30:45,511 --> 00:30:46,845
That's not what he's saying,
though, is it?

616
00:30:46,928 --> 00:30:48,096
You're not listening to him.

617
00:30:48,179 --> 00:30:50,056
-It is what he's saying.
-No, he's not.

618
00:30:50,140 --> 00:30:51,391
He's just-- If you listen...

619
00:30:51,475 --> 00:30:53,059
Oh, now, I'm not a good listener?

620
00:30:53,143 --> 00:30:54,185
No, you're not a brilliant listener.

621
00:30:54,269 --> 00:30:55,979
You don't tell him
how good he is often enough.

622
00:30:56,062 --> 00:30:57,898
I'm always telling him how good he is!

623
00:30:57,981 --> 00:30:59,900
Are you? Do you? I mean...

624
00:30:59,983 --> 00:31:01,026
-Yes!
-When?

625
00:31:01,109 --> 00:31:02,736
Well, maybe not in words.

626
00:31:02,819 --> 00:31:04,530
But I love him!

627
00:31:04,613 --> 00:31:05,947
I love him like a son.

628
00:31:06,740 --> 00:31:07,949
He is your son.

629
00:31:08,033 --> 00:31:09,618
Well, I know, but that's why I love him.

630
00:31:09,701 --> 00:31:12,579
Well, you don't tell him.
And words are useful, aren't they?

631
00:31:12,663 --> 00:31:14,330
Well done.
You should be a therapist, you should be.

632
00:31:14,415 --> 00:31:15,457
Okay, right.

633
00:31:15,540 --> 00:31:19,419
Well, all I'm saying is, sometimes,
you need to listen to other people.

634
00:31:19,503 --> 00:31:20,837
All right, well, I'm listening to you now.

635
00:31:20,921 --> 00:31:24,257
You take a few minutes,
play around with the ladder,

636
00:31:24,340 --> 00:31:27,553
do what you wanna do,
then take it back and get your money back.

637
00:31:27,636 --> 00:31:28,679
And I hope you've got the receipt,

638
00:31:28,762 --> 00:31:30,847
'cause then you can get the tax back
at the airport.

639
00:31:30,931 --> 00:31:33,934
So, have fun. I'm gonna have a cup of tea.
I'll see you in a while.

640
00:31:34,643 --> 00:31:37,312
And I'll find a Jaffa Cake
and all if I can.

641
00:31:37,396 --> 00:31:39,022
Behind the kettle, Dad.

642
00:31:39,105 --> 00:31:40,148
<i>Buddy.</i>

643
00:31:40,231 --> 00:31:42,150
-Oh, hey, Langston.
-Oh, we have got a problem.

644
00:31:42,233 --> 00:31:43,860
-We got a big problem.
-Why? What? Why? What is it?

645
00:31:43,944 --> 00:31:45,821
Benny the Banana Slug
failed his drug test.

646
00:31:45,904 --> 00:31:48,490
-What? Why?
-Yeah, he's on ecstasy.

647
00:31:48,574 --> 00:31:51,367
Apparently because he needs it
to do a pogo stick routine.

648
00:31:51,452 --> 00:31:53,912
I don't know, but I found him
licking his lips and saying,

649
00:31:53,995 --> 00:31:56,498
"Life is good. Life is good."
He just wouldn't shut up about it.

650
00:31:56,582 --> 00:31:58,374
Well, you know what?

651
00:31:58,459 --> 00:32:00,293
The Gluten Free Channel
can't find out about this.

652
00:32:00,376 --> 00:32:02,087
-No, I know they can't find out about it.
-That'd be awful.

653
00:32:02,170 --> 00:32:03,964
-That's the whole problem.
-What is it? What's happening?

654
00:32:04,047 --> 00:32:07,050
Nothing. It's just-- I think a furry
snuck in, and he's scritching.

655
00:32:07,133 --> 00:32:08,677
-What's a furry?
-It's not a big deal.

656
00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:10,136
-What's a furry?
-A furry is simply

657
00:32:10,220 --> 00:32:13,348
just someone who likes to dress up
like an animal with human characteristics.

658
00:32:13,432 --> 00:32:15,058
It's a form of roleplay. It's huge.

659
00:32:15,141 --> 00:32:16,184
-Yeah, that's great.
-Yeah.

660
00:32:16,267 --> 00:32:18,103
But then, the scritching thing you said,
what is that?

661
00:32:18,186 --> 00:32:20,439
Scritching is simply
light scratching or grooming.

662
00:32:20,522 --> 00:32:22,899
It's a form of affection.
Furries love to do it.

663
00:32:22,983 --> 00:32:23,984
-I do that.
-It's fun for them.

664
00:32:24,067 --> 00:32:25,444
-Yeah. Sure.
-Exactly. We all do it.

665
00:32:25,527 --> 00:32:26,653
There was a bit of a thing in your voice.

666
00:32:26,736 --> 00:32:29,072
I'm good at hearing things in voices,
and you had a thing with the scritching.

667
00:32:29,156 --> 00:32:31,992
-What is it? Tell me.
-It has absolutely nothing to do with sex.

668
00:32:32,075 --> 00:32:33,118
-Nothing.
-Nothing?

669
00:32:33,201 --> 00:32:36,663
Only-- Well, 37% of them
apparently enjoy sex very much,

670
00:32:36,747 --> 00:32:37,789
but that's not the point.

671
00:32:37,873 --> 00:32:41,710
I was in the other room,
and one of them kind of bumped into me.

672
00:32:41,793 --> 00:32:44,546
I thought the guy was going for my wallet,
so I turned around real quick.

673
00:32:44,630 --> 00:32:45,797
Uh...

674
00:32:45,881 --> 00:32:47,423
It seemed different. The--

675
00:32:47,508 --> 00:32:48,675
Did he yip or did he yiff?

676
00:32:49,259 --> 00:32:51,428
He said, "Skip," and I said,
"No, my name's Buddy."

677
00:32:51,512 --> 00:32:54,055
Okay, he yipped.
If he yipped, that means "hello."

678
00:32:54,139 --> 00:32:57,100
If he yiffs... If that happens,
well, then you got a problem.

679
00:32:57,183 --> 00:32:58,477
Yeah, you know what?
Might have been a yiff.

680
00:32:58,560 --> 00:33:00,562
Might have been "yiff."
And I said he was going for the wallet.

681
00:33:00,645 --> 00:33:03,273
More like he was going for loose change,
if you know what I'm saying. All right?

682
00:33:03,356 --> 00:33:04,941
Well, if it happens again, just go...

683
00:33:05,025 --> 00:33:06,442
I'm gonna say,
"Pal, you're gonna get this."

684
00:33:06,527 --> 00:33:08,779
We have bigger fish to fry.
We have a drug problem.

685
00:33:08,862 --> 00:33:09,905
And we got a sex problem

686
00:33:09,988 --> 00:33:12,532
if you got people yipping and yiffing
and skipping and all that stuff.

687
00:33:20,456 --> 00:33:21,457
Hello!

688
00:33:22,751 --> 00:33:23,919
-Corky!
-Hi, Cindi.

689
00:33:24,002 --> 00:33:25,170
-How are you?
-Oh, it's so good to see you.

690
00:33:25,253 --> 00:33:28,173
-Come here, you look so beautiful. Oh!
-Oh, so do you. Oh!

691
00:33:28,256 --> 00:33:29,883
It is so good to see you.

692
00:33:29,966 --> 00:33:31,134
And you too.

693
00:33:31,217 --> 00:33:32,260
Oh, I've missed you.

694
00:33:32,343 --> 00:33:34,220
I missed you, too. Mmm.

695
00:33:34,304 --> 00:33:36,598
-How was your flight?
-It was a little bumpy, you know.

696
00:33:36,682 --> 00:33:40,519
It was one of those small commuter planes,
and I kind of...

697
00:33:40,602 --> 00:33:42,353
little bit on my blouse.

698
00:33:42,437 --> 00:33:45,356
I had to wash it away
with a little moist towelette,

699
00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:46,608
which was fun.

700
00:33:46,692 --> 00:33:49,277
Well, you look great.
I don't see anything on your shirt.

701
00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:51,572
-Thank you.
-I need you.

702
00:33:52,155 --> 00:33:53,031
I need you.

703
00:33:53,114 --> 00:33:55,951
You have this fairy dust that just--
It just helps me.

704
00:33:56,034 --> 00:33:59,329
You are my favorite student ever
in the whole world.

705
00:33:59,412 --> 00:34:00,622
You're my favorite teacher.

706
00:34:00,706 --> 00:34:01,957
-You know that.
-Thank you.

707
00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:03,166
-Thank you for coming.
-Thank you.

708
00:34:03,249 --> 00:34:04,710
Knock, knock, knock. Hello.

709
00:34:04,793 --> 00:34:06,502
-Hello.
-Hi! I'm Laci.

710
00:34:06,587 --> 00:34:07,671
-What's your name?
-Laci.

711
00:34:07,754 --> 00:34:10,549
Laci. Oh, you are beautiful.

712
00:34:10,632 --> 00:34:11,925
Oh, thank you.

713
00:34:12,008 --> 00:34:13,509
-May I?
-Okay.

714
00:34:13,593 --> 00:34:15,011
Mm-hmm.

715
00:34:15,095 --> 00:34:16,179
Oh!

716
00:34:16,262 --> 00:34:19,015
Yes. Boner!

717
00:34:19,099 --> 00:34:21,351
-Really?
-Definitely, yes.

718
00:34:21,434 --> 00:34:23,562
- Let me check.
- Oh.

719
00:34:24,938 --> 00:34:26,648
We're gonna talk for a little bit, okay?

720
00:34:26,732 --> 00:34:30,068
About some of the prep,
that I call it, for the show.

721
00:34:30,151 --> 00:34:33,404
And I know that you have
the... whole physical thing going.

722
00:34:33,488 --> 00:34:36,491
-I do.
-I wanna get inside that noodle.

723
00:34:36,575 --> 00:34:42,288
Her inner soul, heart, mind,
all the nerves, that whole world.

724
00:34:42,372 --> 00:34:45,166
-But we'll talk about it together, okay?
-Yeah.

725
00:34:45,250 --> 00:34:47,335
We'll probably see you
later then, I guess.

726
00:34:47,419 --> 00:34:49,921
-Okay. All right. Bye.
-Mm-hmm. Yeah.

727
00:34:50,005 --> 00:34:51,047
-Bye.
-Okay.

728
00:34:51,131 --> 00:34:53,091
<i>Nature is the great teacher,</i>

729
00:34:53,174 --> 00:34:57,178
and this exercise that I'm gonna teach you

730
00:34:57,262 --> 00:35:00,515
is nature personified, okay?

731
00:35:01,224 --> 00:35:04,019
I call this the crabby walk, okay?

732
00:35:04,102 --> 00:35:06,521
So, you say, "Crabby walk,"
and crabby walk...

733
00:35:06,605 --> 00:35:08,440
-Oh, okay.
-is...

734
00:35:08,523 --> 00:35:10,108
And I'm not saying crabs walk like that,

735
00:35:10,191 --> 00:35:13,111
'cause, obviously,
they don't have legs or big pants.

736
00:35:13,194 --> 00:35:16,781
But crabby walk gets you
in a frame of mind of--

737
00:35:16,865 --> 00:35:19,868
Yeah. That's crabby walk.
And you have to say it at the same time.

738
00:35:19,951 --> 00:35:21,452
Okay. Crabby walk.

739
00:35:21,536 --> 00:35:23,872
Right... but look up.
Don't be afraid of looking up.

740
00:35:23,955 --> 00:35:25,415
<i>There's something about</i>
<i>being in nature.</i>

741
00:35:25,498 --> 00:35:31,797
There's something about being in the wild
that always connected me to the world.

742
00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:37,052
Hanging from a cliff, you know,
from a technical climb,

743
00:35:37,135 --> 00:35:40,764
or-- or having crampons on,
which I like to do anyway.

744
00:35:40,847 --> 00:35:44,017
But having crampons
on a glacier with an ice ax

745
00:35:44,100 --> 00:35:48,021
and making my way, you know,
into a crevasse. You know, rappelling.

746
00:35:48,104 --> 00:35:51,441
I love rappelling
because I love holding rope.

747
00:35:51,524 --> 00:35:54,569
Again, in any situation.

748
00:35:54,653 --> 00:35:57,364
But especially on the side of a mountain,
where you feel--

749
00:35:57,447 --> 00:36:02,077
It's like nature saying, with a big hand,
slapping you across the face and saying,

750
00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:05,872
"Listen. I'm here and so are you,

751
00:36:05,956 --> 00:36:09,876
but in one second,
you're not here and I'm still here."

752
00:36:09,960 --> 00:36:13,546
Which is pretty much
the best acting advice you could have.

753
00:36:14,422 --> 00:36:15,590
-Keep your head low...
-Yeah, yeah.

754
00:36:15,674 --> 00:36:17,383
-...so that Tammy's eyes are looking up.
-I know.

755
00:36:17,467 --> 00:36:18,760
-Okay.
-I know how it works. Go ahead.

756
00:36:18,844 --> 00:36:20,095
Okay. All right.

757
00:36:21,096 --> 00:36:22,681
Oh, sorry. That was my fault.

758
00:36:22,764 --> 00:36:24,057
-Okay.
-It was a little high, though.

759
00:36:24,140 --> 00:36:25,641
Right, but I think, at this point,

760
00:36:25,726 --> 00:36:27,518
what's less important
is whether or not you hit it,

761
00:36:27,602 --> 00:36:28,603
more just where your eyes end up

762
00:36:28,687 --> 00:36:29,688
because that's what
people'd be looking at.

763
00:36:29,771 --> 00:36:30,772
Well, I'm not wearing a head,

764
00:36:30,856 --> 00:36:32,148
so how can you tell where
my eyes are gonna end up?

765
00:36:32,232 --> 00:36:33,274
-Because--
-That was perfect, by the way.

766
00:36:33,358 --> 00:36:36,027
Because it correlates
with where your head is.

767
00:36:36,111 --> 00:36:38,822
I thought we were practicing this--
this part.

768
00:36:38,905 --> 00:36:40,156
You're being impossible.

769
00:36:40,240 --> 00:36:42,617
- Would you throw the ball?
- Yeah, I'll throw it.

770
00:36:42,701 --> 00:36:43,744
But we're not on a team anymore?

771
00:36:43,827 --> 00:36:45,245
-We're just two individuals?
-Throw the ball. What?

772
00:36:45,328 --> 00:36:47,122
Okay, well, that was too--

773
00:36:47,205 --> 00:36:49,165
-That came so close to my head!
-Okay.

774
00:36:49,249 --> 00:36:50,291
You piece of garbage!

775
00:36:50,375 --> 00:36:51,417
-Don't touch me!
-Why do you do that?

776
00:36:51,501 --> 00:36:52,543
-You know what?
-Why do you do that?

777
00:36:52,627 --> 00:36:54,838
You're at the wrong event!
You don't belong at the Fluffies!

778
00:36:54,921 --> 00:36:56,923
-At the angry music club?
-You belong at the Succubus Olympics!

779
00:36:57,006 --> 00:36:58,883
-Hi.
-That's what you should--

780
00:36:58,967 --> 00:37:00,635
Hi!

781
00:37:00,719 --> 00:37:02,553
- Oh, my God! Hi!
- You guys are here.

782
00:37:02,637 --> 00:37:03,930
You snuck up on us.

783
00:37:04,014 --> 00:37:05,056
Mr. Lumpkin.

784
00:37:05,140 --> 00:37:06,599
-Oh, you look beautiful!
-Thank you.

785
00:37:06,683 --> 00:37:08,893
-I'm sorry for my-- I don't know what I--
-That's all right.

786
00:37:08,977 --> 00:37:10,020
-We're just rehearsing.
-That's all right.

787
00:37:10,103 --> 00:37:11,146
-You look-- Hello!
-Look at you.

788
00:37:11,229 --> 00:37:13,564
-Hi, how are you? How are you?
-Hello.

789
00:37:13,648 --> 00:37:14,775
Look at you.
You look like a sunrise.

790
00:37:14,858 --> 00:37:16,109
- It's great to see you.
- I'm okay.

791
00:37:16,192 --> 00:37:17,235
<i>I'm a lucky guy.</i>

792
00:37:17,318 --> 00:37:19,362
Yeah, I'm just...

793
00:37:19,445 --> 00:37:22,448
Well, I was gonna say
I don't know how it happened,

794
00:37:22,532 --> 00:37:26,202
but I know exactly how it happened,
and, uh...

795
00:37:26,286 --> 00:37:27,495
I was online one day.

796
00:37:27,579 --> 00:37:30,749
I was kind of browsing
around escort services,

797
00:37:31,374 --> 00:37:35,420
and this face stared at me.

798
00:37:35,503 --> 00:37:36,755
And I just--

799
00:37:36,838 --> 00:37:40,967
I mean, I remember,
I was like, "Oh, my God."

800
00:37:41,050 --> 00:37:43,094
And it wasn't the beauty alone.

801
00:37:43,762 --> 00:37:45,680
It was this sweet, sweet--

802
00:37:45,764 --> 00:37:48,475
Oh, my God.
Honey, did I ever tell ya?

803
00:37:49,059 --> 00:37:50,268
I'm crazy about you.

804
00:37:50,351 --> 00:37:51,895
Wow.

805
00:37:51,978 --> 00:37:53,729
That's really sweet.

806
00:37:53,813 --> 00:37:56,441
I like a guy that just thinks
everything I do is great.

807
00:37:57,025 --> 00:37:59,527
And not only that,
but I mean, he was like,

808
00:37:59,610 --> 00:38:01,905
"If you don't wanna do anything tonight,
you don't have to."

809
00:38:01,988 --> 00:38:03,198
He was not--

810
00:38:03,990 --> 00:38:08,077
he was not making me do a bunch
of weird stuff all in one night.

811
00:38:08,161 --> 00:38:09,579
I spread it out.

812
00:38:09,662 --> 00:38:11,747
But it felt respectful.

813
00:38:11,831 --> 00:38:15,335
And I like how that felt, and he, uh--

814
00:38:15,418 --> 00:38:18,755
And you liked
when I bought you the baseball team.

815
00:38:18,838 --> 00:38:22,383
The day that I got her that baseball team,
the look on her face,

816
00:38:22,467 --> 00:38:25,386
she's like a nine-year-old girl
at Christmas.

817
00:38:25,470 --> 00:38:27,973
It was so sweet, and it just...

818
00:38:28,849 --> 00:38:31,476
He put the team in my name,
and that meant a lot, too.

819
00:38:31,559 --> 00:38:34,562
Yeah, my lawyer almost killed me,
but I did it.

820
00:38:35,730 --> 00:38:38,441
Well, I'm awfully glad I have this woman
in my life,

821
00:38:38,524 --> 00:38:41,069
and I hope she's here to stay. And...

822
00:38:41,152 --> 00:38:43,696
I haven't left him,
and I think it's because...

823
00:38:44,697 --> 00:38:48,743
he continues to show me a good time.
He tells me whatever I do is cool.

824
00:38:49,744 --> 00:38:53,623
I mean, I'll make
some macramé shit bag, you know?

825
00:38:54,875 --> 00:38:58,336
And he'll just go, "That's a masterpiece,"
or something. You know what I mean?

826
00:38:58,419 --> 00:39:00,421
Just don't make me carry it. Please.

827
00:39:00,505 --> 00:39:03,049
And then he wants to sniff it.
He wants to sniff all my bags.

828
00:39:03,133 --> 00:39:04,217
I do.

829
00:39:04,300 --> 00:39:05,301
That's weird, but...

830
00:39:06,261 --> 00:39:09,639
You know what? I'll take that
over some guy defecating on my head.

831
00:39:13,309 --> 00:39:14,602
Hey, leave that cookie jar alone.

832
00:39:14,685 --> 00:39:16,146
You deserve a good spankin'.

833
00:39:16,229 --> 00:39:17,522
- What? Hi.
- Hey.

834
00:39:17,605 --> 00:39:18,857
What are you going after there, sarge?

835
00:39:18,940 --> 00:39:20,608
-Just tryin' to get some almonds up there.
-Here, use me.

836
00:39:20,691 --> 00:39:22,277
-No. I'm okay. Thank you.
-All right.

837
00:39:22,360 --> 00:39:23,945
Thank you, though. I got this.

838
00:39:25,613 --> 00:39:27,782
I'm gonna take you with me
when I climb Mount Everest.

839
00:39:27,866 --> 00:39:28,950
That'll be a fun trip.

840
00:39:29,034 --> 00:39:30,618
Might be the first little guy
to be up there.

841
00:39:30,702 --> 00:39:32,912
Have a seat.
Let me give you a hand here, buddy.

842
00:39:32,996 --> 00:39:34,289
I can climb it. It's fine.

843
00:39:34,372 --> 00:39:36,291
- All right.
- It's okay. I'm okay.

844
00:39:36,374 --> 00:39:37,500
Yeah, I wanna help you
someway, man.

845
00:39:37,583 --> 00:39:41,254
It's okay. You can help me
just by sittin' down. That's fine.

846
00:39:42,547 --> 00:39:45,508
I can't take my eyes off of you.
You're a funny little guy.

847
00:39:45,591 --> 00:39:46,634
Thanks.

848
00:39:46,717 --> 00:39:48,594
You'd make a good mascot.

849
00:39:48,678 --> 00:39:50,889
-Actually, I am. I'm a mascot.
-Oh!

850
00:39:50,972 --> 00:39:52,056
My name is Ron. I'm the Worm.

851
00:39:52,140 --> 00:39:53,183
Oh, you're the Worm!

852
00:39:53,266 --> 00:39:54,434
-I've heard talk about you.
-Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

853
00:39:54,517 --> 00:39:56,060
I think I saw you.

854
00:39:56,144 --> 00:39:58,187
Oh, good.
Hope you liked what you saw.

855
00:39:58,271 --> 00:39:59,898
-Yeah! I sure did.
-Yeah?

856
00:39:59,981 --> 00:40:01,357
Is that how you got to this size?

857
00:40:01,441 --> 00:40:02,483
Huh?

858
00:40:02,567 --> 00:40:05,778
I mean, did they make you this size
just to fit in the Worm costume?

859
00:40:05,861 --> 00:40:08,864
No, they made me this size
when I was born.

860
00:40:08,948 --> 00:40:10,533
I was born-- I was born like this.

861
00:40:10,616 --> 00:40:12,285
Oh, so, you're a legitimate little person?

862
00:40:12,368 --> 00:40:14,037
Yeah, I'm not a fake little person.

863
00:40:14,120 --> 00:40:17,123
Oh, I see. I thought maybe they
shrunk you down or somethin'.

864
00:40:17,207 --> 00:40:20,376
-No, it's not like they--
-'Cause it's a very competitive contest.

865
00:40:20,460 --> 00:40:23,588
Yeah, I don't think
that technology exists yet.

866
00:40:23,671 --> 00:40:28,217
How do you drive a car? Does some--
Do you sit on someone's lap or what?

867
00:40:28,301 --> 00:40:29,594
No, I just--

868
00:40:29,677 --> 00:40:31,762
I bet it's a real tiny, little car, is it?

869
00:40:31,846 --> 00:40:34,682
Tell me everything.
This fascinates the hell out of me.

870
00:40:34,765 --> 00:40:36,267
I have a pretty standard car.

871
00:40:36,351 --> 00:40:39,645
You have another little person down there
operatin' the pedals for you?

872
00:40:39,729 --> 00:40:44,692
No, I basically just have
a metal rod that goes on top of a pedal,

873
00:40:44,776 --> 00:40:45,902
and there's another pedal on top of that.

874
00:40:45,985 --> 00:40:49,280
You just attach it with some bolts
and a wrench, and then you have a--

875
00:40:49,364 --> 00:40:51,282
It's a pedal extender. And that's it.

876
00:40:51,366 --> 00:40:53,785
You lost me somewhere in there,
but I guess it's all kind of--

877
00:40:53,868 --> 00:40:56,287
I don't know if you know
who Jack the Plumber is.

878
00:40:56,371 --> 00:40:58,581
-Yeah, the mascot. Yep.
-Well, I manage him.

879
00:40:58,664 --> 00:41:00,959
-Oh, great.
-He's got a wonderful act.

880
00:41:01,042 --> 00:41:02,210
He's missin' somethin'.

881
00:41:02,293 --> 00:41:05,922
He's missin' a little button
at the end of his act,

882
00:41:06,005 --> 00:41:07,966
and I got somethin' percolating
in my brain.

883
00:41:08,049 --> 00:41:09,925
-Okay.
-But I need another person.

884
00:41:10,010 --> 00:41:13,054
-All right.
-It's got to be a person of your, uh...

885
00:41:13,972 --> 00:41:15,056
-Persuasion.
-Right.

886
00:41:15,140 --> 00:41:17,558
Okay, so you want me to recruit
a little person for you?

887
00:41:17,642 --> 00:41:20,019
Another little person,
shorter than you even.

888
00:41:20,103 --> 00:41:21,146
-Smaller the better.
-Shorter than me?

889
00:41:21,229 --> 00:41:22,355
'Cause we all know each other?

890
00:41:22,438 --> 00:41:25,274
Is that a fact? Well, all I want is one.

891
00:41:25,358 --> 00:41:28,486
I'll go down into the tunnel,
where we all live

892
00:41:28,569 --> 00:41:32,032
and, uh... blow into the magical horn

893
00:41:32,115 --> 00:41:33,700
-that lets--
-You're funnin' me, but okay.

894
00:41:33,783 --> 00:41:35,118
-You got a good sense of humor.
-I'll ask 'em.

895
00:41:35,201 --> 00:41:36,369
Ask me for five bucks.

896
00:41:36,452 --> 00:41:37,328
Uh--

897
00:41:37,996 --> 00:41:40,956
-I would like $5, please.
-I'm a little short this week.

898
00:41:41,041 --> 00:41:42,125
Get it?

899
00:41:44,710 --> 00:41:46,212
-Hi.
-Hi.

900
00:41:48,881 --> 00:41:51,634
-Waitin'.
-Yeah. How you doin'?

901
00:41:51,717 --> 00:41:53,136
I've been better.

902
00:41:53,719 --> 00:41:55,180
-Long day?
-Yeah.

903
00:41:55,263 --> 00:41:56,597
Yeah. Me too.

904
00:41:57,307 --> 00:42:01,352
My wife and I are doing this
never-go-to-bed-angry thing, you know.

905
00:42:01,436 --> 00:42:04,272
So, I'm just exhausted.

906
00:42:04,355 --> 00:42:07,483
-You know, we haven't been sleeping.
-I'm sorry.

907
00:42:09,819 --> 00:42:11,529
-It's hard, huh?
-Yeah, it's really hard.

908
00:42:11,612 --> 00:42:13,281
-Yeah.
-Yeah.

909
00:42:13,364 --> 00:42:16,200
-You have a nice-- a beautiful laugh.
-Thank you.

910
00:42:16,284 --> 00:42:18,661
-I don't wanna be too forward, but you...
-No. No.

911
00:42:18,744 --> 00:42:20,246
-Thank you.
-Yeah.

912
00:42:20,330 --> 00:42:21,789
I don't hate your eyes.

913
00:42:23,124 --> 00:42:24,542
-Really?
-I don't.

914
00:42:24,625 --> 00:42:25,710
That's nice.

915
00:42:25,793 --> 00:42:28,546
They're like if two clouds had babies.

916
00:42:30,631 --> 00:42:32,800
My wife says
that I look like I have cataracts.

917
00:42:32,883 --> 00:42:33,926
Oh!

918
00:42:34,009 --> 00:42:35,010
And she says it so much

919
00:42:35,095 --> 00:42:37,388
that I actually went to an ophthalmologist
and got it checked out,

920
00:42:37,472 --> 00:42:39,432
and he said,
"No, those are just your eyes."

921
00:42:39,515 --> 00:42:41,601
-Okay.
-I like your whistle.

922
00:42:43,061 --> 00:42:44,729
-Thank you.
-That's cool.

923
00:42:45,855 --> 00:42:47,148
I like to put my lips on it.

924
00:42:49,150 --> 00:42:51,319
It's like a friend in my mouth.

925
00:43:04,624 --> 00:43:06,292
Uh...

926
00:43:06,376 --> 00:43:08,086
Oh, you wanna try my gum?

927
00:43:08,169 --> 00:43:10,380
-What?
-You wanna try my gum?

928
00:43:32,026 --> 00:43:34,195
-Robin Wexler.
-Phil.

929
00:43:34,279 --> 00:43:35,571
Holy cow.

930
00:43:35,655 --> 00:43:37,157
-Hey.
-Look at you.

931
00:43:37,240 --> 00:43:39,158
-Oh.
-Oh, God!

932
00:43:39,242 --> 00:43:41,202
-It's so good to see you.
-Wow!

933
00:43:41,286 --> 00:43:42,745
-God.
-Nice to see you, too.

934
00:43:42,828 --> 00:43:44,622
-How long has it been?
-I don't know, it's--

935
00:43:44,705 --> 00:43:45,706
Twenty-three and a half years.

936
00:43:45,790 --> 00:43:46,999
So, you went to Higbee?

937
00:43:47,083 --> 00:43:49,418
Yeah, of course.
Remember? I was the mascot.

938
00:43:49,502 --> 00:43:51,337
You know, I just never knew
who was in there.

939
00:43:51,421 --> 00:43:53,631
I remember the mascot.
I didn't know that was you.

940
00:43:53,714 --> 00:43:55,841
-Yeah, that was me. That was me.
-Wow!

941
00:43:55,925 --> 00:43:58,511
-God, it's so good to see you.
-Well, thanks for doing this.

942
00:43:58,594 --> 00:43:59,970
Oh, are you kidding me?
It's my pleasure.

943
00:44:00,054 --> 00:44:03,391
It's like it's a reason to perform
and also to reconnect with an old friend.

944
00:44:03,474 --> 00:44:04,809
-Great.
-God, we had so much fun, didn't we?

945
00:44:05,560 --> 00:44:06,602
I guess.

946
00:44:06,686 --> 00:44:07,978
Do you remember
Mr. Drum's technology class,

947
00:44:08,062 --> 00:44:09,272
when you and I were partnered up to build

948
00:44:09,355 --> 00:44:10,648
that bridge out of popsicle sticks?

949
00:44:10,731 --> 00:44:13,609
And you were like, "I wish we could have
eaten these popsicles beforehand."

950
00:44:13,693 --> 00:44:14,944
We were crackin' up.

951
00:44:15,027 --> 00:44:16,111
I don't remember that.

952
00:44:16,196 --> 00:44:17,697
Oh, man. It was good times.

953
00:44:17,780 --> 00:44:19,115
I feel like I wanna give you another hug.

954
00:44:19,199 --> 00:44:20,783
Oh, that's okay.
Why don't I give you a tour?

955
00:44:20,866 --> 00:44:21,867
Sure. Sure, sure.

956
00:44:21,951 --> 00:44:25,037
After Connor went to college,
I had all this free time, I thought,

957
00:44:25,120 --> 00:44:29,459
"I wanna work with disadvantaged children
that are really pretty disadvantaged."

958
00:44:29,542 --> 00:44:32,211
-Yeah, you wanna give back.
-I wanna give back. That's exactly right.

959
00:44:32,295 --> 00:44:34,714
-I completely-- I'm with you.
-You know. But I mean, I get crazy.

960
00:44:34,797 --> 00:44:37,883
Sometimes, I'll go to a movie
in the middle of the afternoon.

961
00:44:37,967 --> 00:44:40,178
But I really wanna
spend my time giving back.

962
00:44:40,261 --> 00:44:42,012
- You know, I just--
- I celebrate that.

963
00:44:42,096 --> 00:44:46,350
I think mascotting is-- To me,
it's all about giving back, you know.

964
00:44:47,268 --> 00:44:49,562
Robin, I don't know
if you're busy tomorrow,

965
00:44:49,645 --> 00:44:52,899
but I do have a ticket
for the mascot competition in Anaheim,

966
00:44:52,982 --> 00:44:56,736
and I was wondering
if maybe you'd like to be my guest.

967
00:44:56,819 --> 00:44:58,195
That's great.
Do you care if I bring David?

968
00:44:59,530 --> 00:45:00,865
I thought your son's name was Connor.

969
00:45:00,948 --> 00:45:02,450
It is. David's my fiancé.

970
00:45:02,533 --> 00:45:04,244
We should get in. Let's go.

971
00:45:09,039 --> 00:45:11,208
Oh, the kids are so excited.

972
00:45:13,043 --> 00:45:15,880
- It says "center for the blind."
- Right. Right.

973
00:45:16,756 --> 00:45:19,759
-Are all these kids blind?
-Oh, yeah, they're all blind. All of them.

974
00:45:19,842 --> 00:45:23,178
I'm worried that my act
is gonna get kind of lost on them.

975
00:45:23,846 --> 00:45:26,724
Oh, no, these kids,
they just wanna have a good time.

976
00:45:26,807 --> 00:45:28,934
-And they're all blind?
-Yeah, they're all blind.

977
00:45:29,018 --> 00:45:30,144
But the teachers can see.

978
00:45:30,227 --> 00:45:32,772
Uh, no. Most of the teachers are blind.

979
00:45:32,855 --> 00:45:35,316
Actually, we have one teacher
who's not completely blind.

980
00:45:35,400 --> 00:45:36,442
He's legally blind.

981
00:45:37,026 --> 00:45:38,945
-And where's he?
-He's home sick today.

982
00:45:39,612 --> 00:45:42,282
Okay. Right, okay. All right.

983
00:45:42,365 --> 00:45:44,284
Hey, you're gonna do great.

984
00:45:46,243 --> 00:45:47,328
Have fun.

985
00:46:04,136 --> 00:46:07,264
- Hi. Wow!
- Hey. Wow!

986
00:46:07,348 --> 00:46:09,058
-You look happy and relaxed.
-Thank you.

987
00:46:09,141 --> 00:46:10,351
You look good.
What do you wanna do?

988
00:46:10,435 --> 00:46:11,644
I definitely wanna do
this jousting thing.

989
00:46:11,727 --> 00:46:12,770
Mmm.

990
00:46:12,853 --> 00:46:15,773
And they have a ladies fishin' night.
We can all go out on a boat.

991
00:46:15,856 --> 00:46:18,568
Oh, no way. That is gonna be good.
This is Cindi.

992
00:46:18,651 --> 00:46:21,028
-That's only $11 to go out on a boat.
-Yeah.

993
00:46:21,111 --> 00:46:22,863
-Oh, two for one.
-Uh-huh.

994
00:46:22,947 --> 00:46:25,616
Two of us can go for the same price
as one ticket.

995
00:46:25,700 --> 00:46:26,701
I gotta go.

996
00:46:28,744 --> 00:46:29,912
Hey, you okay?

997
00:46:29,995 --> 00:46:31,706
I don't know!

998
00:46:43,175 --> 00:46:44,301
What'd I do?

999
00:46:44,885 --> 00:46:47,888
Miss Babineaux, a formal complaint
has been lodged against you.

1000
00:46:47,972 --> 00:46:49,557
It has come to our attention

1001
00:46:49,640 --> 00:46:52,893
that your college basketball team
is nicknamed the Leaping Squaws,

1002
00:46:52,977 --> 00:46:56,689
which means that your character
is in violation of rule 11B,

1003
00:46:56,772 --> 00:47:02,820
which states, "Mascots cannot represent
or be associated with anything offensive

1004
00:47:02,903 --> 00:47:07,617
based on race, creed,
gender or sexual orientation."

1005
00:47:07,700 --> 00:47:09,076
Well, um-- I--

1006
00:47:10,036 --> 00:47:11,162
I'm an armadillo,

1007
00:47:11,871 --> 00:47:15,625
and the team isn't called
the Leaping Squaws anymore.

1008
00:47:15,708 --> 00:47:18,544
That was, like,
100 years ago or somethin'.

1009
00:47:18,627 --> 00:47:21,255
Unfortunately,
it is still on the Internet.

1010
00:47:21,338 --> 00:47:24,299
Yeah, but I've read on the Internet
that man's living on the moon,

1011
00:47:24,384 --> 00:47:25,760
and that's not true, so...

1012
00:47:25,843 --> 00:47:27,762
And you can't trust Wikipedia, either.

1013
00:47:27,845 --> 00:47:30,139
Yeah, not everything on Wikipedia is true.

1014
00:47:30,222 --> 00:47:31,306
Who made this complaint?

1015
00:47:31,391 --> 00:47:33,476
I'm sorry, but rule 22C

1016
00:47:33,559 --> 00:47:37,688
states that the president cannot disclose
the identity of the formal complainant.

1017
00:47:45,738 --> 00:47:49,199
-I don't know what to say. Um--
-Please don't cry.

1018
00:47:49,283 --> 00:47:52,953
I'm an armadillo.
We're not the Leaping Squaws anymore.

1019
00:47:54,955 --> 00:47:56,582
I understand that.

1020
00:47:56,666 --> 00:48:01,045
But since you are representing something
that might be considered offensive,

1021
00:48:01,128 --> 00:48:03,423
this could be grounds
for disqualification.

1022
00:48:03,506 --> 00:48:04,924
I'm Choctaw.

1023
00:48:05,716 --> 00:48:06,759
I'll tell you what,

1024
00:48:06,842 --> 00:48:09,595
why don't you step outside,
and the jury can deliberate.

1025
00:48:12,014 --> 00:48:14,433
Sweetheart. Oh!

1026
00:48:14,975 --> 00:48:16,143
I just feel horrible.

1027
00:48:16,226 --> 00:48:17,562
-Well, yeah.
-Me, too.

1028
00:48:17,645 --> 00:48:20,523
I've never thought of "squaw"
as being an offensive term.

1029
00:48:20,606 --> 00:48:21,649
Never. Me too.

1030
00:48:21,732 --> 00:48:24,652
And frankly, I'm more offended
by the word "leaping."

1031
00:48:24,735 --> 00:48:27,697
-Why?
-Well, it's blatantly homophobic.

1032
00:48:27,780 --> 00:48:29,198
What?

1033
00:48:29,281 --> 00:48:32,284
I'm just not offended by the word "squaw."
It means a little Indian girl.

1034
00:48:32,368 --> 00:48:33,911
I think "squaw" is sweet.

1035
00:48:33,994 --> 00:48:35,663
You gotta quit saying that word.

1036
00:48:35,746 --> 00:48:38,999
It's the s-word.
It's a bad term.

1037
00:48:39,083 --> 00:48:40,793
Talk to your Native American friends.

1038
00:48:40,876 --> 00:48:43,671
It's the same as the c-word,
or the n-word or something.

1039
00:48:43,754 --> 00:48:46,632
You're comparing the term "squaw"
with the c-word?

1040
00:48:46,716 --> 00:48:48,092
-That's what it means.
-What?

1041
00:48:48,175 --> 00:48:49,719
-What?
-That's what it means.

1042
00:48:49,802 --> 00:48:52,680
You know, what we need to do is check
with the Indian guy in the gift shop

1043
00:48:52,763 --> 00:48:55,641
and ask him if he finds
the term "squaw" offensive.

1044
00:48:55,725 --> 00:48:58,185
But he's East Indian.
He's not Native American.

1045
00:48:58,268 --> 00:48:59,812
Well, what is the difference?

1046
00:48:59,895 --> 00:49:03,232
Well, one is in Asia.
One is in the American continent.

1047
00:49:03,315 --> 00:49:05,025
I always thought he was Pakistani.

1048
00:49:05,109 --> 00:49:06,443
I just called him Eddy.

1049
00:49:06,527 --> 00:49:07,695
-Eddy? Is his name Eddy?
-Yeah.

1050
00:49:07,778 --> 00:49:09,864
Oh, God. I've been calling him Kent.

1051
00:49:09,947 --> 00:49:12,241
Oh, my. Well, it doesn't matter to him.

1052
00:49:12,324 --> 00:49:14,451
It doesn't matter to Eddy.
Call him whatever you want.

1053
00:49:14,535 --> 00:49:18,664
I'd like to make a motion that we
reject the claim against this young lady.

1054
00:49:18,748 --> 00:49:19,999
I would second that.

1055
00:49:20,082 --> 00:49:23,127
All in favor of the motion,
say "aye" and lift your hands up.

1056
00:49:23,210 --> 00:49:24,754
Aye.

1057
00:49:26,130 --> 00:49:27,673
- Hey, babe.
- Oh, my God.

1058
00:49:27,756 --> 00:49:30,384
I know. I know. I'm not disqualified.

1059
00:49:30,467 --> 00:49:32,177
- You're not?
- I'm not.

1060
00:49:32,261 --> 00:49:33,387
-Babineaux.
-Babineaux.

1061
00:49:33,470 --> 00:49:36,599
-Whoo!
-Yeah, sister. Yeah. So I'm relieved.

1062
00:49:36,682 --> 00:49:39,268
-That was an ordeal. It was nuts.
-Yeah.

1063
00:49:39,852 --> 00:49:41,395
-I'm starvin'.
-All right.

1064
00:49:41,478 --> 00:49:42,688
-I'm really hungry.
-Okay.

1065
00:49:42,771 --> 00:49:45,900
-What do you want?
-I could go with, like, wings

1066
00:49:45,983 --> 00:49:47,526
or biscuits or like--

1067
00:49:47,610 --> 00:49:50,321
I kind of would love to try sushi.

1068
00:49:50,404 --> 00:49:52,322
Mmm... I don't know about that.

1069
00:49:52,406 --> 00:49:54,158
-They have fried stuff.
-Okay.

1070
00:49:54,241 --> 00:49:55,701
-Yeah. I think it'll be fun.
-Ooh!

1071
00:49:55,784 --> 00:49:57,077
-That's exciting.
-Let's go. Did you pay?

1072
00:49:57,161 --> 00:49:58,788
I did. We're good.

1073
00:50:00,122 --> 00:50:01,666
-Mmm, delicious.
-Okay.

1074
00:50:01,749 --> 00:50:05,377
<i>Its 9:00 a.m.</i>
<i>and 71 degrees in beautiful Anaheim,</i>

1075
00:50:05,460 --> 00:50:08,005
<i>and people are already lining up</i>

1076
00:50:08,088 --> 00:50:11,466
<i>for the World Mascot Association</i>
<i>Championships.</i>

1077
00:50:11,551 --> 00:50:16,180
<i>Word on the street has it</i>
<i>that there are some unbelievable acts.</i>

1078
00:50:16,263 --> 00:50:19,099
<i>There are some seats still available.</i>

1079
00:50:19,183 --> 00:50:24,104
<i>So, why don't you grab a friend,</i>
<i>head on down there and check it out?</i>

1080
00:50:24,188 --> 00:50:25,565
What was it all for, huh?

1081
00:50:26,524 --> 00:50:29,527
Dehydration, heat exhaustion,
the hours in the head, what was it for?

1082
00:50:30,194 --> 00:50:31,361
It was for today.

1083
00:50:32,404 --> 00:50:34,865
Failure is not an option.

1084
00:50:35,866 --> 00:50:41,538
Today is the day that you go out there
and you show the world who Phil Mayhew is.

1085
00:50:43,540 --> 00:50:44,625
Do it.

1086
00:50:48,253 --> 00:50:49,922
- Let me get that.
- Thank you.

1087
00:50:51,340 --> 00:50:52,549
Big ladder.

1088
00:50:55,052 --> 00:50:56,053
Thanks.

1089
00:51:05,730 --> 00:51:06,939
I know you.

1090
00:51:07,523 --> 00:51:09,275
-I don't think so.
-Yeah.

1091
00:51:09,358 --> 00:51:12,695
You're-- We had the Mexican
the other day. It was spicy.

1092
00:51:12,778 --> 00:51:13,612
Mascots?

1093
00:51:15,698 --> 00:51:16,991
The Fist.

1094
00:51:17,074 --> 00:51:20,286
-What's the ladder for?
-Oh, this? The ladder, yeah.

1095
00:51:20,369 --> 00:51:21,829
It's for a new bit.

1096
00:51:21,912 --> 00:51:23,622
You know, for Anaheim, the big show.

1097
00:51:23,706 --> 00:51:25,875
-Oh?
-I really want to smash it.

1098
00:51:25,958 --> 00:51:30,504
And I'd had a bit involving the ladder,
but my dad's not too keen.

1099
00:51:30,587 --> 00:51:32,798
-Your dad?
-My dad was Sid before me.

1100
00:51:32,882 --> 00:51:35,134
-Oh?
-And his dad was Sid before him.

1101
00:51:35,217 --> 00:51:38,387
So sort of it's a family tradition.
We've all done it.

1102
00:51:38,470 --> 00:51:41,473
-They're not Sid anymore.
-No. No, I'm Sid now. Yeah.

1103
00:51:41,556 --> 00:51:43,433
So, what does it matter what they think?

1104
00:51:44,018 --> 00:51:45,227
Well, it shouldn't.

1105
00:51:46,562 --> 00:51:49,356
And I love Dad, and I love his routine,

1106
00:51:49,439 --> 00:51:51,233
but it's just not...

1107
00:51:51,316 --> 00:51:53,152
I really think it can be much better.

1108
00:51:54,612 --> 00:51:56,405
Sarah loves it. Sarah loves the whole--

1109
00:51:56,488 --> 00:51:59,074
-Your mom?
-No. No, not-- No, my wife.

1110
00:52:00,492 --> 00:52:02,036
Underneath that, there's a ring.

1111
00:52:02,119 --> 00:52:04,204
She's really supportive of--
She's my rock.

1112
00:52:04,288 --> 00:52:06,081
I don't know what I'd do without her.

1113
00:52:06,165 --> 00:52:08,542
She's my best friend.

1114
00:52:09,584 --> 00:52:11,003
Can I give you some advice, Hedgehog?

1115
00:52:11,086 --> 00:52:12,546
Yeah, of course.

1116
00:52:12,629 --> 00:52:15,883
There once was a boy who wanted a father,

1117
00:52:15,966 --> 00:52:18,678
but instead, he was promised an empire.

1118
00:52:19,428 --> 00:52:21,596
So when he didn't get love
from his father,

1119
00:52:21,681 --> 00:52:23,640
he went looking for that empire.

1120
00:52:26,852 --> 00:52:29,188
Not my words.
The words of Michael Landon.

1121
00:52:29,271 --> 00:52:31,565
Season 1, Episode 8
of <i>Highway to Heaven.</i>

1122
00:52:31,649 --> 00:52:33,901
<i>Highway to Heaven. </i>Wow, yeah.

1123
00:52:33,984 --> 00:52:35,569
Think about it.

1124
00:52:35,652 --> 00:52:37,196
Was he an angel?

1125
00:52:39,364 --> 00:52:42,159
-Keep climbing, Hedgehog.
-Thanks, Tommy.

1126
00:52:42,242 --> 00:52:44,578
Oh, good luck, mate.

1127
00:52:44,661 --> 00:52:45,788
Thank you.

1128
00:53:02,763 --> 00:53:05,599
-Hey, Cindi?
-It's open.

1129
00:53:10,729 --> 00:53:12,606
Oh, my God.
What happened?

1130
00:53:13,440 --> 00:53:14,734
The sushi...

1131
00:53:15,943 --> 00:53:17,361
it had bugs in it.

1132
00:53:17,444 --> 00:53:18,988
I'm so sorry.

1133
00:53:20,655 --> 00:53:22,282
People aren't supposed to eat live fish.

1134
00:53:23,367 --> 00:53:26,453
I know.

1135
00:53:31,959 --> 00:53:33,961
Pull over.

1136
00:53:34,044 --> 00:53:37,047
Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, shit.

1137
00:53:37,131 --> 00:53:39,717
- Pull over, now.
- Is that for me? Oh, bugger.

1138
00:53:39,800 --> 00:53:42,094
What do I do? What do I do?
What? Pull over.

1139
00:53:42,177 --> 00:53:44,764
You're driving
on the wrong side of the street.

1140
00:53:44,847 --> 00:53:46,098
Pull over immediately.

1141
00:53:47,391 --> 00:53:48,600
Laci...

1142
00:53:50,936 --> 00:53:52,897
I'm not gonna be able...

1143
00:53:54,606 --> 00:53:57,151
-to go on stage.
-What?

1144
00:53:58,402 --> 00:54:00,029
I'm too sick.

1145
00:54:00,112 --> 00:54:02,114
No, you gotta do it.

1146
00:54:02,197 --> 00:54:04,241
You're Alvin.
You gotta get up there and do it.

1147
00:54:04,324 --> 00:54:05,785
Listen to me.

1148
00:54:06,827 --> 00:54:09,246
I put you down...

1149
00:54:09,329 --> 00:54:10,539
as my alternate.

1150
00:54:12,750 --> 00:54:15,669
You're gonna go out there and perform.

1151
00:54:16,587 --> 00:54:17,629
I can't do that.

1152
00:54:17,712 --> 00:54:19,173
You know it.

1153
00:54:19,256 --> 00:54:21,926
I don't know it like you do.
You are Alvin.

1154
00:54:22,009 --> 00:54:24,511
-It doesn't matter.
-But you've been doing it your whole life.

1155
00:54:24,594 --> 00:54:26,972
I can't go up there and do something
you've been doing your whole life.

1156
00:54:27,056 --> 00:54:29,474
Alvin is Alvin.

1157
00:54:29,558 --> 00:54:33,145
You'll put on the mask,
and you'll be great.

1158
00:54:43,864 --> 00:54:46,992
<i>Ladies and gentlemen,</i>
<i>please take your seats.</i>

1159
00:54:48,702 --> 00:54:53,332
<i>Welcome to the 8th World Mascot</i>
<i>Association Championships.</i>

1160
00:54:55,375 --> 00:54:58,838
<i>Please welcome our celebrity judges.</i>

1161
00:54:58,921 --> 00:55:02,007
Well, thank you. Hi!
Good to see you all.

1162
00:55:02,091 --> 00:55:04,759
-When did you last see him?
-This morning at the hotel.

1163
00:55:04,844 --> 00:55:07,346
After his Coco Pops, he said
he was gonna go and take that ladder back

1164
00:55:07,429 --> 00:55:08,597
and meet me here.

1165
00:55:08,680 --> 00:55:09,974
Well, why didn't he do it yesterday?

1166
00:55:10,057 --> 00:55:12,517
He wouldn't have had to do it at all
if you hadn't told him to do it.

1167
00:55:12,601 --> 00:55:15,395
-Biggest day of his life.
-Biggest day of your life, more like.

1168
00:55:15,479 --> 00:55:17,772
He's never late for anything.
It doesn't make sense.

1169
00:55:17,857 --> 00:55:19,274
<i>Ladies and gentlemen,</i>

1170
00:55:19,358 --> 00:55:21,443
<i>our first contestants,</i>

1171
00:55:21,527 --> 00:55:24,571
<i>from the Chanderaihi Cricket Club</i>
<i>in India,</i>

1172
00:55:24,654 --> 00:55:27,032
<i>Pointy and Grindy.</i>

1173
00:55:30,202 --> 00:55:32,371
She's a pencil.

1174
00:55:59,147 --> 00:56:00,315
He'll get out, so...

1175
00:56:00,691 --> 00:56:01,525
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

1176
00:56:01,608 --> 00:56:03,068
- What?
- What are you doing?

1177
00:56:03,152 --> 00:56:04,319
-Getting out the car.
-Stop right there.

1178
00:56:05,320 --> 00:56:07,072
I thought I was meant to get out
and come and--

1179
00:56:07,156 --> 00:56:08,991
-No. No, put your paw down.
-Okay.

1180
00:56:09,074 --> 00:56:11,243
I need to see your driver's license
and proof of registration.

1181
00:56:11,326 --> 00:56:13,871
Yeah, of course. I've got it.
It's in-- It's--

1182
00:56:13,954 --> 00:56:16,873
You need to be honest with me right now.
Have you been drinking?

1183
00:56:16,957 --> 00:56:18,125
-Yeah.
-What?

1184
00:56:18,709 --> 00:56:20,085
-Yeah.
-Have you been drinking today?

1185
00:56:20,169 --> 00:56:21,711
Yes. No. Yes.

1186
00:56:21,795 --> 00:56:24,006
-I'm gonna ask you one more time.
-Okay.

1187
00:56:24,089 --> 00:56:25,507
Have you drank any alcohol today?

1188
00:56:25,590 --> 00:56:27,968
No. No. God, no.

1189
00:56:28,052 --> 00:56:29,594
-Never drink and drive.
-Alcohol. Sir...

1190
00:56:29,678 --> 00:56:30,845
-have you been drinking alcohol?
-No,

1191
00:56:30,930 --> 00:56:32,889
I'm trying to get pregnant,
so I'm not drinking.

1192
00:56:32,973 --> 00:56:34,016
My wife's-- I'm not.

1193
00:56:40,689 --> 00:56:41,731
Hey, Mr. Gammons, sir.

1194
00:56:41,815 --> 00:56:43,817
Hey, Phil. How are you feeling? Nervous?

1195
00:56:43,900 --> 00:56:44,901
Excited.

1196
00:56:44,985 --> 00:56:46,736
You got every reason in the world
to be nervous.

1197
00:56:46,820 --> 00:56:49,239
It all comes down to
the next few minutes.

1198
00:56:49,323 --> 00:56:50,615
You ever see anything like this?

1199
00:56:50,699 --> 00:56:52,993
A pencil
and a pencil sharpener.

1200
00:56:53,077 --> 00:56:56,496
That's one of the last joys in life,
sharpening a pencil.

1201
00:56:56,580 --> 00:56:58,623
It's hard to do that wrong.

1202
00:56:58,707 --> 00:56:59,749
<i>Jack the Plumber to the stage.</i>

1203
00:56:59,833 --> 00:57:00,834
That's me.

1204
00:57:00,918 --> 00:57:02,711
Remember, in this country,
you could be anything you want to be.

1205
00:57:02,794 --> 00:57:04,171
Now, go get 'em.

1206
00:57:06,715 --> 00:57:08,968
I want you to look
at the tip of my pen. All right?

1207
00:57:09,051 --> 00:57:10,427
With your eyes only, follow it.

1208
00:57:10,510 --> 00:57:11,971
-Okay.
-I'm gonna start again.

1209
00:57:12,054 --> 00:57:13,888
-You moved your head. You moved your head.
-No, I didn't.

1210
00:57:13,973 --> 00:57:16,391
If I told you you moved your head,
you moved your head. Correct?

1211
00:57:16,475 --> 00:57:18,018
-Yeah. I didn't think I did. Sorry.
-Tip of the pen.

1212
00:57:18,102 --> 00:57:19,144
-Yeah.
-With your eyes only.

1213
00:57:19,228 --> 00:57:20,395
Here we go. Other side.

1214
00:57:20,479 --> 00:57:22,231
-I'm gonna start again.
-Let's do it.

1215
00:57:22,314 --> 00:57:24,608
-To the left. Eyes only.
-Yeah, eyes only.

1216
00:57:24,691 --> 00:57:26,610
-Okay. We're gonna move on.
-Are we done?

1217
00:57:26,693 --> 00:57:28,445
- Yeah.
- No. That seemed rude.

1218
00:57:28,528 --> 00:57:30,280
-I'll let you know when we're done.
-No, no. I know.

1219
00:57:30,364 --> 00:57:32,491
-All right, Mr. Golly? Feet on the line.
-It's "jolly."

1220
00:57:32,574 --> 00:57:34,618
'Cause I've got to get to the WMAs.

1221
00:57:34,701 --> 00:57:38,663
<i>Let's give a big hand</i>
<i>to Pointy and Grindy.</i>

1222
00:57:43,543 --> 00:57:45,045
Get out of the way.

1223
00:57:45,837 --> 00:57:47,965
Why did you tell him not
to bring his phone?

1224
00:57:48,048 --> 00:57:49,883
It costs a fortune
to phone foreign, don't it?

1225
00:57:50,800 --> 00:57:52,970
-Owen!
-Owen!

1226
00:57:53,053 --> 00:57:56,056
<i>Ladies and gentlemen,</i>
<i>please welcome,</i>

1227
00:57:56,140 --> 00:58:00,352
<i>from Beaumont College</i>
<i>in Modesto, California,</i>

1228
00:58:00,435 --> 00:58:01,936
<i>Jack the Plumber.</i>

1229
00:58:16,910 --> 00:58:19,413
Oh, hello. You're too young
to be drinking that.

1230
00:58:19,496 --> 00:58:23,041
Oh, thank you. Thank you.

1231
00:58:23,125 --> 00:58:25,210
-Dutch courage, is it?
-Huh?

1232
00:58:25,294 --> 00:58:27,129
Courage. You're drinking for courage.

1233
00:58:27,212 --> 00:58:29,339
I'm drinking for courage.
I'm in it to win it.

1234
00:58:29,423 --> 00:58:31,341
-Oh, good for you.
-Thank you. I'm gonna win this thing.

1235
00:58:31,425 --> 00:58:32,842
What's the act like, then?

1236
00:58:32,926 --> 00:58:35,554
What, you lie down
and a truck goes over you or something?

1237
00:58:35,637 --> 00:58:39,725
Um, sort of. It's really--
It's a modern dance piece.

1238
00:58:39,808 --> 00:58:43,103
-Oh.
-It's about women and fertility.

1239
00:58:43,187 --> 00:58:45,647
My favorite kind of dance is modern.

1240
00:58:45,730 --> 00:58:49,443
Okay, well, I hope you have
two eyes on the show tonight.

1241
00:58:49,526 --> 00:58:50,777
I will.

1242
00:58:52,446 --> 00:58:53,572
What did you say your name was?

1243
00:58:53,655 --> 00:58:55,365
Laci, with an "I."

1244
00:58:55,449 --> 00:58:56,491
Oh, that's beautiful.

1245
00:58:56,575 --> 00:58:59,619
-I put a heart over it.
-'Course you do.

1246
00:59:02,914 --> 00:59:03,957
I'm Tommy.

1247
00:59:05,542 --> 00:59:08,212
-Hi. I have metal on my hands, silver.
-We'll just...

1248
00:59:09,171 --> 00:59:11,340
-Oh, okay.
-That's all right.

1249
00:59:12,257 --> 00:59:14,676
-Maybe I'll see you afterwards.
-Okay.

1250
00:59:14,759 --> 00:59:16,386
I'll be the tall one looking at you.

1251
01:00:07,771 --> 01:00:08,605
Oh, my God.

1252
01:01:31,396 --> 01:01:33,106
<i>That was Jack the Plumber</i>

1253
01:01:33,190 --> 01:01:37,277
<i>from Beaumont College</i>
<i>in Modesto, California.</i>

1254
01:01:40,655 --> 01:01:43,116
<i>Heshe and the Worm</i>
<i>to the stage, please.</i>

1255
01:01:44,033 --> 01:01:45,034
Go get 'em, Tiny.

1256
01:01:46,411 --> 01:01:49,331
<i>From the Tussolon Tigers</i>
<i>Canoe Team in Israel,</i>

1257
01:01:49,414 --> 01:01:51,165
<i>Heshe and the Worm.</i>

1258
01:01:58,131 --> 01:01:59,466
-Whoo!
-Hey, two things.

1259
01:01:59,549 --> 01:02:04,262
First, FYI, I found out it's free sausage
night tonight at the waffle place.

1260
01:02:04,346 --> 01:02:05,430
All you can eat.

1261
01:02:05,514 --> 01:02:09,684
Secondly, and more important,
how do you feel it went out there?

1262
01:02:09,768 --> 01:02:12,687
To be honest,
I was a little nervous about the poo,

1263
01:02:12,771 --> 01:02:15,398
but you know,
they ate it up, so to speak.

1264
01:02:16,149 --> 01:02:19,068
Couple of beats after the solo,
I missed a couple of steps, you know--

1265
01:02:19,152 --> 01:02:21,488
I didn't watch the whole thing,
but you did a great job.

1266
01:02:21,571 --> 01:02:22,781
-Okay.
-Hey, look at this.

1267
01:02:22,864 --> 01:02:25,074
That's Tiny. Did you meet him? The Worm?

1268
01:02:25,158 --> 01:02:26,701
No, I was distracted.

1269
01:02:26,785 --> 01:02:28,912
You know, they can criticize our country,

1270
01:02:28,995 --> 01:02:31,873
but if a rabbi can get together
with a worm

1271
01:02:31,956 --> 01:02:35,460
and entertain our citizens,
we got a pretty solid future.

1272
01:02:35,544 --> 01:02:37,421
Well, my head's still kinda
in the head right now,

1273
01:02:37,504 --> 01:02:39,464
so I'm gonna walk it off.

1274
01:02:39,548 --> 01:02:41,966
-Great job.
-Thank you.

1275
01:02:42,050 --> 01:02:43,552
I wonder if that's a real rabbi.

1276
01:02:45,804 --> 01:02:47,931
<i>That was Heshe and the Worm</i>

1277
01:02:48,515 --> 01:02:51,268
<i>from the Tussolon Tigers in Israel.</i>

1278
01:02:54,438 --> 01:02:55,772
Are you centered?

1279
01:02:55,855 --> 01:02:56,982
-I feel good. I feel great.
-Okay.

1280
01:02:57,065 --> 01:02:59,192
It looks, from your breathing,
like you might not be centered.

1281
01:02:59,276 --> 01:03:00,735
I'm doing the best I can with--

1282
01:03:02,362 --> 01:03:03,530
-What are you doing?
-What?

1283
01:03:03,613 --> 01:03:04,614
<i>Tammy and Ollie</i>
<i>to the stage.</i>

1284
01:03:04,698 --> 01:03:06,283
-What are you doing?
-What do you mean what am I doing?

1285
01:03:06,366 --> 01:03:08,076
-Will you stop being stupid right now?
-Okay.

1286
01:03:08,159 --> 01:03:09,953
-Did you see what your face did?
-Okay. I hear you.

1287
01:03:10,036 --> 01:03:13,748
-Do you know what your face did?
-I hear your criticism, and I validate it.

1288
01:03:13,832 --> 01:03:15,959
<i>Our next contestants,</i>

1289
01:03:16,042 --> 01:03:19,296
<i>from the South Fork Herons in Kansas,</i>

1290
01:03:19,379 --> 01:03:20,589
<i>Tammy and Ollie.</i>

1291
01:03:39,983 --> 01:03:41,275
Hey, partner.
What's the problem?

1292
01:03:41,359 --> 01:03:45,697
Oh, the greedy little bugger.
Do you have any coins?

1293
01:03:45,780 --> 01:03:46,990
Coins?

1294
01:03:47,073 --> 01:03:48,492
For the paper machine.

1295
01:03:48,575 --> 01:03:50,577
Whatever you're smoking,
you got any more of that?

1296
01:03:50,660 --> 01:03:52,662
I've got loads of it
in the motor home if you want.

1297
01:03:52,746 --> 01:03:54,247
Lead the way, my honor.

1298
01:04:11,681 --> 01:04:13,224
Oh!

1299
01:04:21,149 --> 01:04:23,652
You almost hit me with the ball,
you dumb dumbhead.

1300
01:04:23,735 --> 01:04:26,196
Okay. Round two, coming up.

1301
01:04:26,279 --> 01:04:27,364
Whoa!

1302
01:04:27,447 --> 01:04:29,282
- Too hard.
- What are you doing?

1303
01:04:29,366 --> 01:04:31,743
What do you mean what am I doing?
Is this what's happening right now?

1304
01:04:31,826 --> 01:04:34,954
Now, you're upset. I need you
to get out of my face right now.

1305
01:04:35,038 --> 01:04:36,748
- Idiot.
- Oh, I'm an idiot?

1306
01:04:36,831 --> 01:04:38,500
You're a criminal moron.

1307
01:04:45,924 --> 01:04:47,801
- You wanna drag us to hell?
- Idiot!

1308
01:04:47,884 --> 01:04:49,636
I'll go to hell with ya.

1309
01:04:49,719 --> 01:04:52,514
Oh, my shell!
Oh, my shell!

1310
01:04:54,516 --> 01:04:56,225
What are you doing?
You're ruining this!

1311
01:04:56,309 --> 01:04:57,477
You are really...

1312
01:04:57,561 --> 01:04:59,145
What's going on?

1313
01:05:06,694 --> 01:05:08,571
Whoa.

1314
01:05:08,655 --> 01:05:12,241
- What are you doing?
- It's a huge part of my life!

1315
01:05:12,909 --> 01:05:14,536
I don't know what went wrong.

1316
01:05:17,330 --> 01:05:18,164
Whoa.

1317
01:05:22,376 --> 01:05:24,754
What? What?

1318
01:05:24,838 --> 01:05:26,631
-What are you doing?
-We're okay.

1319
01:05:26,715 --> 01:05:28,091
-No, we're not okay!
-We're okay.

1320
01:05:28,174 --> 01:05:30,176
-You ruined it. You ruined it.
-We're okay.

1321
01:05:30,259 --> 01:05:31,845
This place is massive.

1322
01:05:31,928 --> 01:05:33,680
He ain't in the building.
We've already been here!

1323
01:05:33,763 --> 01:05:34,931
This is the last place we look.

1324
01:05:35,014 --> 01:05:36,641
If he ain't here,
we're gonna have to call the police.

1325
01:05:36,725 --> 01:05:37,767
Call the morgue.

1326
01:05:37,851 --> 01:05:39,185
-Oh, my God.
-Hey!

1327
01:05:39,268 --> 01:05:40,562
-Well, where have you been?
-I'm here.

1328
01:05:40,645 --> 01:05:41,980
-Sorry, sorry.
-We've been going mental.

1329
01:05:42,063 --> 01:05:44,065
-I got pulled over by the Old Bill.
-You what?

1330
01:05:44,148 --> 01:05:46,109
And then
my policeman Tourette's kicked in.

1331
01:05:46,192 --> 01:05:47,861
-You're joking.
-I said stuff that I shouldn't have said.

1332
01:05:47,944 --> 01:05:49,237
-Oh, my God.
-You could have got shot!

1333
01:05:49,320 --> 01:05:50,363
-No, he did have--
-What's this doing here?

1334
01:05:50,447 --> 01:05:51,698
Stop worrying
about the poor little ladder, Dad.

1335
01:05:51,781 --> 01:05:53,950
-Shut up about the fucking ladder.
-Right. Okay.

1336
01:05:54,033 --> 01:05:55,785
-I love you.
-Oh, God.

1337
01:05:55,869 --> 01:05:57,537
I love you.
You're an old pillock, but I love you.

1338
01:05:57,621 --> 01:05:58,788
-Right, go.
-Smash it, babe.

1339
01:05:58,872 --> 01:06:00,499
Sit down, shut up.
Enjoy the show.

1340
01:06:00,582 --> 01:06:02,208
- Give 'em hell.
- Touchdown.

1341
01:06:22,353 --> 01:06:23,396
That's a match.

1342
01:06:23,480 --> 01:06:24,648
-Yeah, a match.
-Oh, yeah.

1343
01:07:01,184 --> 01:07:02,226
Okay.

1344
01:07:14,531 --> 01:07:15,907
I made it.

1345
01:07:16,658 --> 01:07:18,117
Oh, sweetie.

1346
01:07:18,201 --> 01:07:19,536
-I made it.
-Oh, my God, you did.

1347
01:07:19,619 --> 01:07:21,412
-Oh!
-I know.

1348
01:07:21,495 --> 01:07:22,747
Oh, my God.

1349
01:07:22,830 --> 01:07:24,332
I know.

1350
01:07:24,415 --> 01:07:26,084
Oh, you still throwing up?

1351
01:07:26,167 --> 01:07:27,669
Throwing up and diarrhea.

1352
01:07:27,752 --> 01:07:28,962
-Oh, out both ends?
-Yes.

1353
01:07:29,045 --> 01:07:31,590
It's like a war going on,
but right now, it's stopped.

1354
01:07:31,673 --> 01:07:33,550
I'm sorry, babe.

1355
01:07:33,633 --> 01:07:34,509
Well...

1356
01:07:36,177 --> 01:07:37,846
you're gonna be great.

1357
01:07:38,888 --> 01:07:39,889
Thank you.

1358
01:07:40,682 --> 01:07:42,600
I'm sorry you can't do it. I really am.

1359
01:07:42,684 --> 01:07:44,060
It's okay.

1360
01:07:45,519 --> 01:07:47,856
I can't wait to see you do it.

1361
01:07:49,065 --> 01:07:51,192
But you're the best at it.

1362
01:07:52,151 --> 01:07:55,279
Okay, Alvin, do my sister good.

1363
01:07:55,363 --> 01:07:56,781
I'll be watching from the wings.

1364
01:07:57,448 --> 01:07:58,449
All right.

1365
01:08:02,036 --> 01:08:03,204
I love that you came.

1366
01:08:05,039 --> 01:08:06,332
Bathroom's on the left.

1367
01:08:07,250 --> 01:08:09,252
<i>Ladies and gentlemen,</i>

1368
01:08:09,335 --> 01:08:13,381
<i>from Amelia Earhart College for Women</i>
<i>in Mississippi,</i>

1369
01:08:14,298 --> 01:08:16,968
<i>Alvin the Armadillo.</i>

1370
01:09:10,563 --> 01:09:13,149
<i>The mind bounces</i>
<i>and maybe won't stop.</i>

1371
01:09:46,015 --> 01:09:47,558
<i>My shell.</i>

1372
01:09:47,641 --> 01:09:49,143
<i>My shell.</i>

1373
01:10:04,158 --> 01:10:05,702
<i>What is language?</i>

1374
01:10:06,535 --> 01:10:07,536
<i>Trapped.</i>

1375
01:10:08,121 --> 01:10:09,580
This smells like good stuff.

1376
01:10:10,289 --> 01:10:11,499
Does the job, Greg.

1377
01:10:14,043 --> 01:10:18,840
Um, here in the United States, we have,
in the state of South Carolina,

1378
01:10:18,923 --> 01:10:20,884
a place called Mount Rushmore,

1379
01:10:21,550 --> 01:10:24,470
I don't know if you've heard of it,
where they have a facade

1380
01:10:24,553 --> 01:10:27,724
of four of our Founding Fathers
on this mountain.

1381
01:10:27,807 --> 01:10:29,433
-Oh, yeah.
-Yeah, you've heard of it.

1382
01:10:29,517 --> 01:10:31,144
George Washington...

1383
01:10:31,227 --> 01:10:32,603
uh...

1384
01:10:34,939 --> 01:10:37,525
Well, hell, everyone knows
the Founding Fathers.

1385
01:10:37,608 --> 01:10:38,609
Oh.

1386
01:10:40,611 --> 01:10:41,654
Dicknuts.

1387
01:10:41,738 --> 01:10:44,115
What are you doing, Zook?
Let's go, man. We gotta get you suited up.

1388
01:10:44,198 --> 01:10:45,784
-Is that today?
-Yeah.

1389
01:10:45,867 --> 01:10:47,994
-I'll be over in a minute.
-Hurry up.

1390
01:10:50,079 --> 01:10:52,248
<i>Hello. This is Cindi.</i>

1391
01:10:54,375 --> 01:10:55,501
<i>- Hello?</i>

1392
01:10:56,502 --> 01:10:59,088
<i>Hello, Cindi. Who is this?</i>

1393
01:11:00,048 --> 01:11:01,883
<i>Why are you calling?</i>

1394
01:11:03,134 --> 01:11:06,345
<i>Why are you... you?</i>

1395
01:11:09,390 --> 01:11:11,017
<i>Who is this?</i>

1396
01:11:11,851 --> 01:11:13,727
<i>You've got the wrong number.</i>

1397
01:11:17,690 --> 01:11:19,525
<i>Was I ever here?</i>

1398
01:11:22,278 --> 01:11:24,280
<i>What happened?</i>

1399
01:11:24,363 --> 01:11:26,199
<i>We're sorry,</i>
<i>the number you have dialed</i>

1400
01:11:26,282 --> 01:11:27,951
<i>is not in service at this time.</i>

1401
01:11:34,707 --> 01:11:35,917
Oh.

1402
01:11:37,460 --> 01:11:38,461
Hmm.

1403
01:11:38,544 --> 01:11:41,714
<i>That was Alvin the Armadillo.</i>

1404
01:11:49,680 --> 01:11:52,809
You were amazing.
You were so good.

1405
01:11:52,892 --> 01:11:54,811
Thank you. Thank you.

1406
01:11:54,894 --> 01:11:56,062
We did it.

1407
01:12:00,316 --> 01:12:01,901
-We did it.
-Yeah.

1408
01:12:02,819 --> 01:12:05,738
<i>Sid the Hedgehog</i>
<i>to the stage, please.</i>

1409
01:12:05,822 --> 01:12:07,740
<i>Sid the Hedgehog to the stage.</i>

1410
01:12:12,453 --> 01:12:14,247
<i>Our next contestant,</i>

1411
01:12:14,330 --> 01:12:17,083
<i>from the Willingham Rovers</i>
<i>in London, England,</i>

1412
01:12:17,166 --> 01:12:19,752
<i>Sid the Hedgehog.</i>

1413
01:12:19,836 --> 01:12:21,838
Whoo!

1414
01:12:34,808 --> 01:12:36,352
It's a squirrel.

1415
01:12:37,353 --> 01:12:38,646
Hedgehog.

1416
01:13:30,448 --> 01:13:32,533
Oh!

1417
01:13:40,959 --> 01:13:42,835
It's a good routine.

1418
01:14:21,040 --> 01:14:22,625
Oh, gosh!

1419
01:15:20,599 --> 01:15:24,062
<i>Sid the Hedgehog,</i>
<i>from London, England.</i>

1420
01:15:24,145 --> 01:15:25,188
Very nice.

1421
01:15:25,271 --> 01:15:26,480
-Lovely.
-Wow!

1422
01:15:29,317 --> 01:15:31,069
He did it!

1423
01:15:31,777 --> 01:15:33,862
Let's go and see him!
Let's go and see him!

1424
01:15:44,457 --> 01:15:47,793
<i>The Fist to the stage,</i>
<i>please. The Fist to the stage.</i>

1425
01:15:47,877 --> 01:15:49,295
All right? Good luck, mate.

1426
01:15:49,378 --> 01:15:53,716
<i>Ladies and gentlemen,</i>
<i>from the Blue Lake Mallards in Canada,</i>

1427
01:15:53,799 --> 01:15:54,884
<i>the Fist.</i>

1428
01:17:13,337 --> 01:17:14,422
Babe.

1429
01:17:15,631 --> 01:17:17,175
-Hey.
-Oh, my God.

1430
01:17:17,258 --> 01:17:18,301
Oh, my God.

1431
01:17:18,384 --> 01:17:19,802
Was it all right? Was it good?

1432
01:17:19,885 --> 01:17:21,179
Emotions.

1433
01:17:21,262 --> 01:17:22,971
-Yeah, tell me about it.
-Laughing.

1434
01:17:23,055 --> 01:17:25,057
-Ladders, up, down...
-What?

1435
01:17:25,141 --> 01:17:26,225
...without breaking my spine.

1436
01:17:26,309 --> 01:17:27,643
-Hello.
-Hello.

1437
01:17:29,562 --> 01:17:30,771
It was immense.

1438
01:17:30,854 --> 01:17:32,315
Oh, thanks, Dad.

1439
01:17:32,398 --> 01:17:35,025
All those years in the shop,
I used to say to you,

1440
01:17:35,108 --> 01:17:37,486
-"Every carcass is different."
-You did.

1441
01:17:37,570 --> 01:17:39,238
Never listened to my own advice, did I?

1442
01:17:39,322 --> 01:17:41,073
-No.
-I'll tell you what,

1443
01:17:41,157 --> 01:17:43,242
I was a better Sid
than my dad ever was,

1444
01:17:43,326 --> 01:17:47,455
but... you, you're a better Sid
than I could have ever been.

1445
01:17:48,038 --> 01:17:49,832
-Oh, shut up, Dad.
-No. No, I mean it.

1446
01:17:49,915 --> 01:17:51,875
- Record that.
- Don't be silly.

1447
01:17:51,959 --> 01:17:53,461
-That's family progress, eh?
-Wow.

1448
01:17:53,544 --> 01:17:55,421
-That was progress.
-All right.

1449
01:18:22,114 --> 01:18:24,658
Fist! Fist! Fist!

1450
01:18:30,539 --> 01:18:32,040
-Wow.
-Great.

1451
01:18:36,295 --> 01:18:38,005
Fist! Fist!

1452
01:18:38,088 --> 01:18:39,256
Great.

1453
01:18:40,799 --> 01:18:44,094
So, I hate to put you on the spot,
but which mascot was your favorite?

1454
01:18:44,177 --> 01:18:47,097
Favorite? Well, they're all
about as good as each other, I think.

1455
01:18:47,180 --> 01:18:48,599
I thought the pencil was pretty great.

1456
01:18:48,682 --> 01:18:50,226
He was great, wasn't he?

1457
01:18:50,309 --> 01:18:53,354
<i>Please take 15 minutes</i>
<i>to stretch your legs</i>

1458
01:18:53,437 --> 01:18:55,564
<i>while the judges deliberate.</i>

1459
01:18:56,232 --> 01:18:59,235
And I can't tell you how much I appreciate
you coming all the way from New York.

1460
01:18:59,318 --> 01:19:00,319
New York?

1461
01:19:00,403 --> 01:19:02,112
Well, yeah.
Your network's in New York, right?

1462
01:19:02,195 --> 01:19:04,490
No, we're at the Burbank office.

1463
01:19:04,573 --> 01:19:05,741
Oh.

1464
01:19:05,824 --> 01:19:07,951
Yeah, we're in the Burbank office.

1465
01:19:08,035 --> 01:19:10,120
We just came down the 5,
took 30 minutes.

1466
01:19:10,913 --> 01:19:13,541
I didn't know that. Would you
excuse me just for a second?

1467
01:19:13,624 --> 01:19:14,833
- Yeah.
- Hey!

1468
01:19:14,917 --> 01:19:16,460
Get back here.

1469
01:19:16,544 --> 01:19:18,962
I got you this time.
You get back here right now.

1470
01:19:19,046 --> 01:19:21,215
Get back here. Stop that rabbit!

1471
01:19:22,591 --> 01:19:27,054
<i>Why not take this opportunity</i>
<i>to visit our snack bar in the lobby?</i>

1472
01:19:27,137 --> 01:19:31,309
<i>We have a great selection</i>
<i>of candy and soft drinks.</i>

1473
01:19:32,225 --> 01:19:35,228
I want him out of the building.
I want him on the street.

1474
01:19:35,313 --> 01:19:37,815
I hope you rot in hell.

1475
01:19:42,194 --> 01:19:46,949
<i>Ladies and gentlemen,</i>
<i>this year's winners will now be announced.</i>

1476
01:19:52,330 --> 01:19:55,916
<i>Please welcome back our celebrity judges.</i>

1477
01:19:58,961 --> 01:20:00,087
Well, the time is here.

1478
01:20:01,171 --> 01:20:03,090
It's what we've all been waiting for.

1479
01:20:03,173 --> 01:20:04,925
Can you feel the excitement in the air?

1480
01:20:05,718 --> 01:20:07,428
Yes!

1481
01:20:07,511 --> 01:20:10,848
And next year, fingers crossed,
if we're really, really lucky,

1482
01:20:10,931 --> 01:20:13,851
we just might be televised.

1483
01:20:13,934 --> 01:20:15,603
Oh, my.

1484
01:20:16,520 --> 01:20:18,397
And of course,
none of this would be possible

1485
01:20:18,481 --> 01:20:22,192
without our main sponsor,
Mr. Buddy Campbell.

1486
01:20:23,110 --> 01:20:25,738
Thank you. Thanks very much.

1487
01:20:25,821 --> 01:20:27,531
Campbell Tile and Carpet.
You say it, we lay it.

1488
01:20:28,824 --> 01:20:32,244
You know, as judges we had
some very difficult decisions to make.

1489
01:20:32,328 --> 01:20:33,954
And no winner was unanimous.

1490
01:20:34,038 --> 01:20:36,248
Each one of us had
to serve as a tiebreaker.

1491
01:20:36,332 --> 01:20:39,460
So, I think that goes to show
the high level of competition,

1492
01:20:39,543 --> 01:20:42,463
and so, certainly,
congratulations to all the finalists.

1493
01:20:42,546 --> 01:20:47,176
And it is now my honor
to introduce to you, Gabby Monkhouse.

1494
01:20:47,259 --> 01:20:48,552
Whoo!

1495
01:20:48,635 --> 01:20:51,805
Thank you, Buddy.
Thank you so much.

1496
01:20:52,640 --> 01:20:57,936
And now, the World Mascot Association
Bronze Fluffy goes to...

1497
01:20:59,271 --> 01:21:03,609
Jack the Plumber, Beaumont College,
Modesto, California.

1498
01:21:03,692 --> 01:21:05,903
Plumber time!

1499
01:21:11,492 --> 01:21:13,285
Congratulations, Jack.
Well deserved.

1500
01:21:13,369 --> 01:21:14,370
Hi, there.

1501
01:21:15,162 --> 01:21:17,081
Thank you, Gabby.
Thank you so much.

1502
01:21:17,164 --> 01:21:19,833
The second place,
or silver category of Fluffy,

1503
01:21:19,917 --> 01:21:22,836
from the World Mascot Association
goes to...

1504
01:21:22,920 --> 01:21:28,008
Heshe the Rabbi and Willy the Worm,
Tussolon Tigers Canoe Team, Israel.

1505
01:21:28,091 --> 01:21:29,301
Shalom.

1506
01:21:32,345 --> 01:21:34,014
Congratulations, Heshe.

1507
01:21:34,098 --> 01:21:35,307
And now we'll go on,

1508
01:21:35,391 --> 01:21:38,394
to keep things moving,
to the first place, or gold, category--

1509
01:21:38,477 --> 01:21:40,104
No, I announce the gold category.

1510
01:21:40,187 --> 01:21:42,022
-You gave out the bronze.
-I gave out the bronze.

1511
01:21:42,105 --> 01:21:43,649
You gave out the silver.
Then I do the gold.

1512
01:21:43,732 --> 01:21:44,733
I'm getting a hand signal.

1513
01:21:44,817 --> 01:21:47,903
-I think they want me to continue.
-No, I am the senior judge, so...

1514
01:21:47,986 --> 01:21:49,530
-Just give it to her.
-I am the senior judge.

1515
01:21:49,613 --> 01:21:51,364
I will then surrender the mic to the lady.

1516
01:21:51,448 --> 01:21:55,119
Thank you. I wrote a book,
and I got more applause than you did.

1517
01:21:55,202 --> 01:21:56,954
-Oh, please.
-All right.

1518
01:21:57,037 --> 01:22:00,082
Well, it is my honor,
ladies and gentlemen,

1519
01:22:00,165 --> 01:22:03,836
to present the World Mascot Association's
highest honor.

1520
01:22:03,919 --> 01:22:07,548
The Gold Fluffy goes to...

1521
01:22:09,675 --> 01:22:11,301
Oh, I could read it
if you don't have it prepared.

1522
01:22:11,385 --> 01:22:12,719
No, I can do that.

1523
01:22:13,345 --> 01:22:17,850
Sid the Hedgehog,
Willingham Rovers, South Croydon.

1524
01:22:17,933 --> 01:22:19,810
Merry old England.

1525
01:22:26,233 --> 01:22:28,694
Congratulations, Sid. Congratulations.

1526
01:22:29,361 --> 01:22:33,782
Congratulations to Sid the Hedgehog
and all of our contestants!

1527
01:22:33,866 --> 01:22:36,619
Thank you all so much
for coming today.

1528
01:22:36,702 --> 01:22:40,122
We really appreciate it.
We'll see you here next year.

1529
01:22:47,921 --> 01:22:50,257
There have been some big,
big changes.

1530
01:22:50,340 --> 01:22:52,676
-Good, good changes.
-Good changes.

1531
01:22:52,760 --> 01:22:53,969
Um...

1532
01:22:54,052 --> 01:22:57,305
The mascot competition
was a tipping point for us.

1533
01:22:57,389 --> 01:22:58,431
-Yeah.
-You know.

1534
01:22:58,516 --> 01:23:03,186
I mean, it was just a fiasco.
Emotionally, professionally, personally.

1535
01:23:03,270 --> 01:23:06,231
So, you know, we just took
a long, hard look at our lives

1536
01:23:06,314 --> 01:23:07,983
and said, "It ain't working."

1537
01:23:08,066 --> 01:23:09,192
Yeah.

1538
01:23:10,360 --> 01:23:12,988
And what do we need to do?
We need to change it.

1539
01:23:13,071 --> 01:23:14,406
Mm-hmm.

1540
01:23:14,490 --> 01:23:16,408
And we have.

1541
01:23:16,492 --> 01:23:18,994
And I feel born anew.

1542
01:23:19,077 --> 01:23:20,829
-That's nice.
-Well, I do.

1543
01:23:20,913 --> 01:23:23,248
And, you know, it's springtime.

1544
01:23:23,331 --> 01:23:24,708
Oh.

1545
01:23:24,792 --> 01:23:25,834
Okay.

1546
01:23:31,924 --> 01:23:34,885
-Sorry about that.
-Sorry. I guess we can't help ourselves.

1547
01:23:34,968 --> 01:23:36,386
We're those people now.

1548
01:23:37,888 --> 01:23:41,141
The kind you're like,
"Could they really be that in love?"

1549
01:23:41,225 --> 01:23:44,186
And that really-- I mean,
that used to, literally, never happen.

1550
01:23:44,269 --> 01:23:46,688
No. I couldn't resist.

1551
01:23:46,772 --> 01:23:51,193
Part of what's helped,
and probably the biggest change,

1552
01:23:51,276 --> 01:23:53,696
is that we are no longer mascotting.

1553
01:23:53,779 --> 01:23:56,365
-The team was sold, and we were let go.
-Yeah.

1554
01:23:56,448 --> 01:23:58,909
And we get to spend
way more time together.

1555
01:23:58,992 --> 01:24:00,035
Yeah.

1556
01:24:00,118 --> 01:24:01,745
Uh, we hired Courtney.

1557
01:24:01,829 --> 01:24:04,372
- Yeah, you hired her.
- Yeah, I did. She's our nanny.

1558
01:24:04,456 --> 01:24:05,583
Yeah.

1559
01:24:13,131 --> 01:24:15,050
-You've got something on your nose.
-Oops.

1560
01:24:15,133 --> 01:24:16,260
-Sorry about that.
-What was that?

1561
01:24:16,343 --> 01:24:17,553
You got something on your nose, I think.

1562
01:24:17,636 --> 01:24:18,887
-Where? Here?
-Yeah.

1563
01:24:18,971 --> 01:24:20,180
You got it. Yeah.

1564
01:24:21,181 --> 01:24:22,307
You're good.

1565
01:24:22,891 --> 01:24:25,435
-You're welcome.
-Oh, sorry.

1566
01:24:25,519 --> 01:24:28,230
It's hard to thank people
when they hurt your face.

1567
01:24:28,313 --> 01:24:31,984
Oh! He's a little baby.
He's a little baby.

1568
01:24:32,067 --> 01:24:35,571
I'm a baby with an abusive mommy.

1569
01:24:35,654 --> 01:24:37,280
-Bad baby.
-Yeah.

1570
01:24:37,364 --> 01:24:39,116
She has Munchausen syndrome.

1571
01:24:39,199 --> 01:24:42,202
Help. Help!

1572
01:24:43,536 --> 01:24:45,956
But, you know, and that's
the kind of chemistry that we have now.

1573
01:24:46,039 --> 01:24:47,625
-Yeah, it's fun.
-And it's fun.

1574
01:24:52,379 --> 01:24:54,172
Hello, Miss B.

1575
01:24:54,256 --> 01:24:55,423
How are you?

1576
01:24:55,507 --> 01:24:57,217
<i>After the competition,</i>

1577
01:24:57,301 --> 01:25:01,888
we both decided to volunteer
at the retirement home for mascots.

1578
01:25:02,806 --> 01:25:04,850
-And I find it very rewarding, you know.
-Yeah.

1579
01:25:04,933 --> 01:25:09,646
I can use my dance,
and I can help heal people, really.

1580
01:25:09,730 --> 01:25:12,524
And I can move,
and they can watch me move,

1581
01:25:12,608 --> 01:25:15,736
and I see that they're movin'
through me and what I do.

1582
01:25:15,819 --> 01:25:18,071
I find it so peaceful, and I just--

1583
01:25:18,155 --> 01:25:20,699
I love old people, so...
I always have.

1584
01:25:20,782 --> 01:25:25,537
I love talking to them,
and I love being just quiet with them.

1585
01:25:25,621 --> 01:25:27,789
So I'm lovin' it.

1586
01:25:27,873 --> 01:25:29,792
And I feel so fulfilled, too,

1587
01:25:29,875 --> 01:25:34,004
because she's working on the insides
and I'm working on people's outsides.

1588
01:25:34,713 --> 01:25:37,883
I brought my nail art here,
to the seniors.

1589
01:25:37,966 --> 01:25:40,468
And, um... you know,
couple times a week,

1590
01:25:40,552 --> 01:25:45,641
I show up with my bottles of paint,
and my nail files and my brushes and...

1591
01:25:45,724 --> 01:25:49,895
You know, these seniors have,
like, gnarled up fingers like this.

1592
01:25:49,978 --> 01:25:51,271
Almost like a T. rex.

1593
01:25:52,355 --> 01:25:56,401
And they put their hands in my hands

1594
01:25:56,485 --> 01:25:58,487
and they open 'em up.

1595
01:25:58,987 --> 01:26:02,616
It's been an emotional day
'cause we lost someone today.

1596
01:26:02,699 --> 01:26:03,742
Steve Redington.

1597
01:26:03,826 --> 01:26:07,370
He was Randy the Elephant.
He was a great, great man.

1598
01:26:16,171 --> 01:26:18,048
<i>You know,</i>
<i>Randy will always be alive.</i>

1599
01:26:18,882 --> 01:26:21,844
'Cause, you know,
mascots, they don't die.

1600
01:26:21,927 --> 01:26:23,053
That's right. They don't.

1601
01:26:23,136 --> 01:26:24,680
They don't. They just, uh...

1602
01:26:25,555 --> 01:26:26,849
They just hang in a closet.

1603
01:26:26,932 --> 01:26:30,268
Yeah, 'cause they're-- It's an outfit.

1604
01:26:30,352 --> 01:26:32,062
It is. It's an outfit.

1605
01:26:33,063 --> 01:26:35,607
So much has changed
since the competition.

1606
01:26:35,691 --> 01:26:37,693
The biggest news being...

1607
01:26:38,318 --> 01:26:39,695
Ta-da!

1608
01:26:40,696 --> 01:26:43,198
-We done a little baby, didn't we?
-Yeah.

1609
01:26:43,281 --> 01:26:44,867
We done a girl baby.

1610
01:26:44,950 --> 01:26:46,618
The best sort of baby.

1611
01:26:46,702 --> 01:26:48,453
Like you, yes.

1612
01:26:48,536 --> 01:26:49,579
It's Daddy.

1613
01:26:49,662 --> 01:26:51,498
Well, what else has happened?
Oh, um...

1614
01:26:51,581 --> 01:26:52,708
I sold the butcher's...

1615
01:26:53,416 --> 01:26:58,505
and Sarah and I now run
a lovely little vegetarian café in Purley.

1616
01:26:58,588 --> 01:26:59,672
-Posh.
-Ooh!

1617
01:26:59,757 --> 01:27:01,967
Excuse me. Purley.

1618
01:27:02,050 --> 01:27:03,301
Very posh, isn't it?

1619
01:27:03,385 --> 01:27:04,970
-Is Purley posh?
-We're posh.

1620
01:27:05,053 --> 01:27:07,514
I still eat meat...
obviously.

1621
01:27:07,597 --> 01:27:09,682
I'm not mental. I love meat.

1622
01:27:09,767 --> 01:27:13,020
But it's easier to prepare
vegetables than meat.

1623
01:27:13,103 --> 01:27:14,521
What else?

1624
01:27:14,604 --> 01:27:18,525
Sadly, I've had to hand the mantle
of Sid back to Dad.

1625
01:27:18,608 --> 01:27:20,235
He's always loved it more than I did.

1626
01:27:20,318 --> 01:27:22,695
And plus, I get out on top.

1627
01:27:23,613 --> 01:27:26,283
Quit while you're ahead.
Champion. Undefeated.

1628
01:27:26,366 --> 01:27:29,787
Best mascot in the world,
ever... that year.

1629
01:27:31,830 --> 01:27:34,958
It's been exciting, you know,
just to be celebrated...

1630
01:27:35,041 --> 01:27:38,795
and to be appreciated
for excellence in my field--

1631
01:27:38,879 --> 01:27:40,047
That's one piece of it,

1632
01:27:40,130 --> 01:27:43,675
and then the other piece is that it has
kicked open some doors for me.

1633
01:27:44,551 --> 01:27:46,553
I got a really great job

1634
01:27:46,636 --> 01:27:51,683
playing Jack the Plumber at trade shows
for a company that makes high-end rivets,

1635
01:27:51,767 --> 01:27:54,812
and it's enabled me to quit my job
as a real estate appraiser.

1636
01:27:56,646 --> 01:27:59,482
I make a third of the money,
but I'm 50% happier, so...

1637
01:27:59,566 --> 01:28:00,901
You do the math.

1638
01:28:01,944 --> 01:28:04,988
The gold would have been nice,
but... next year.

1639
01:28:05,072 --> 01:28:07,074
I think a lot of people say,

1640
01:28:07,157 --> 01:28:10,994
"The glass is half empty,"
and "The glass is half full,"

1641
01:28:11,077 --> 01:28:14,331
and for me, the glass is not half empty,
and the glass is not half full.

1642
01:28:14,414 --> 01:28:16,416
To me, the glass is full.

1643
01:28:17,876 --> 01:28:19,169
It's always full.

1644
01:28:20,670 --> 01:28:26,426
Sadly, my career in sports mascotry
was cut short due to an injury I sustained

1645
01:28:27,344 --> 01:28:28,846
when a pro wrestler came home

1646
01:28:28,929 --> 01:28:32,933
to find me involved in a very lewd act
with his wife and his sister.

1647
01:28:33,016 --> 01:28:36,937
But when I woke up in the emergency room,
I thought to myself,

1648
01:28:37,020 --> 01:28:40,773
"Tommy, is this it? Is this your life?
Are you at rock bottom?"

1649
01:28:41,691 --> 01:28:44,945
And that was when the nurse told me
that I also had syphilis.

1650
01:28:45,028 --> 01:28:47,155
Now, I didn't even know
that you could still get syphilis,

1651
01:28:47,239 --> 01:28:48,656
but you can.

1652
01:28:48,740 --> 01:28:51,576
And while I'm at it,
if you're a young lady

1653
01:28:51,659 --> 01:28:54,621
between the age of 48 and 68
in Manitoba, Canada,

1654
01:28:54,704 --> 01:28:56,539
you probably have it, too,

1655
01:28:56,623 --> 01:28:59,960
and I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for your syphilis.

1656
01:29:00,710 --> 01:29:02,587
But as I lay there in the hospital bed,

1657
01:29:02,670 --> 01:29:06,424
nursing my shattered ribs
and my pulsating groin,

1658
01:29:06,508 --> 01:29:10,220
I looked up at the television,
and <i>Highway to Heaven</i> was on...

1659
01:29:11,388 --> 01:29:14,807
and Michael Landon stared back at me
through the screen as if to say,

1660
01:29:14,892 --> 01:29:17,769
"Tommy, become a bloody monk."

1661
01:29:18,728 --> 01:29:20,063
So I did...

1662
01:29:21,064 --> 01:29:22,315
and it's going well.

1663
01:29:23,233 --> 01:29:26,069
Strictly speaking,
I took a vow of silence.

1664
01:29:26,152 --> 01:29:28,113
But you know, fuck it.