1
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:19,512
Question: How does a girl who falls...
No, actually, she jumps...
2
00:01:19,679 --> 00:01:23,945
... eyes open, down a rabbit hole,
plummeting into chaos...
3
00:01:24,117 --> 00:01:27,018
... come out the other end
unchanged?
4
00:01:27,187 --> 00:01:28,984
The answer?
5
00:01:29,155 --> 00:01:31,214
She doesn't.
6
00:01:31,791 --> 00:01:37,252
See, I know,
because that girl is me.
7
00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:53,168
But to truly understand
the predicament I was in...
8
00:01:53,346 --> 00:01:56,645
... i.e., stuck in the middle of chaos...
9
00:01:56,816 --> 00:01:59,751
... you'd have to go back
to that first day at my new job.
10
00:01:59,919 --> 00:02:03,650
Actually, to be fair,
you should go back a little further...
11
00:02:03,823 --> 00:02:07,520
... starting with Mom.
Don't worry. I'm not blaming her...
12
00:02:07,694 --> 00:02:08,956
... entirely.
13
00:02:10,330 --> 00:02:15,199
She believed that all problems could
be solved by listening to Carly Simon.
14
00:02:15,368 --> 00:02:17,233
Greatest Hits.
15
00:02:17,403 --> 00:02:20,236
Side two. Hurry.
16
00:02:26,613 --> 00:02:30,447
Something about her voice,
or her lyrics, or her music...
17
00:02:30,617 --> 00:02:33,085
... helped Mom clear the chaos...
18
00:02:33,253 --> 00:02:36,416
... especially after a fight with Dad.
19
00:02:37,056 --> 00:02:40,583
Or when he left us for good.
20
00:02:41,628 --> 00:02:43,653
People said Mom was better off.
21
00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:46,765
They said she was lucky.
But she believed...
22
00:02:49,202 --> 00:02:52,467
Luck is when preparation
meets opportunity.
23
00:02:52,872 --> 00:02:55,033
You gotta prepare
for the life you want.
24
00:02:55,308 --> 00:02:59,005
And though I knew I wanted
a career in broadcast journalism...
25
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:01,477
... it took a little Carly
and a lot of time...
26
00:03:01,648 --> 00:03:04,082
... to find the person
I most wanted to work with.
27
00:03:04,250 --> 00:03:06,741
- She is smart and she is learning.
- Diane Sawyer.
28
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:10,617
- Chic, smart, intelligent...
- And she married well.
29
00:03:10,790 --> 00:03:12,883
Good point.
30
00:03:13,226 --> 00:03:16,127
- She's a little beige.
- No, no, she's taupe.
31
00:03:16,296 --> 00:03:20,130
Taupe is never beige.
Taupe's classic. Confident.
32
00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:23,269
- It says, "I'm elegant."
- "And I don't need color to prove it."
33
00:03:23,436 --> 00:03:27,099
There you go.
I wanna work with her one day.
34
00:03:27,273 --> 00:03:29,741
- You should work with her.
- I will work with her.
35
00:03:29,909 --> 00:03:32,377
With my career decided,
I left for college...
36
00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:36,471
... hopeful I would meet someone
I could be certain of.
37
00:03:36,649 --> 00:03:37,911
- Phillip.
- Bruce.
38
00:03:38,084 --> 00:03:39,346
- Jeremy.
- Noah.
39
00:03:39,519 --> 00:03:40,781
- Trotsky.
- Frank.
40
00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:43,354
- Bean.
- Bean? As in, "How have you...?"
41
00:03:43,523 --> 00:03:44,785
Bean. Yeah.
42
00:03:44,958 --> 00:03:47,324
- I really, really like him, Mom.
- You do?
43
00:03:47,493 --> 00:03:50,360
Yeah, I do. I think I do. Maybe.
44
00:03:50,530 --> 00:03:54,899
Don't over-commit yourself
unless you are absolutely certain.
45
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:58,003
You've gotta prepare
for the life you want.
46
00:03:58,171 --> 00:04:00,196
Again, I turned to Carly.
47
00:04:15,722 --> 00:04:20,159
And while my roommates weren't
as understanding as I'd hoped...
48
00:04:20,326 --> 00:04:22,726
- Come back to bed.
...it did bring certainty.
49
00:04:22,895 --> 00:04:24,192
I'm sorry, Bean.
50
00:04:24,364 --> 00:04:26,889
We have only but one road
to travel in this life.
51
00:04:27,066 --> 00:04:29,159
And I just don't think
we're on the same one.
52
00:04:29,335 --> 00:04:32,668
So to get more involved,
or for me to over-commit myself...
53
00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:34,670
...would just lead to chaos.
54
00:04:34,841 --> 00:04:38,242
- How do you know?
- I'm certain.
55
00:04:41,881 --> 00:04:43,644
I mean, what if you're wrong?
56
00:04:43,816 --> 00:04:45,784
What if we're supposed to
be together?
57
00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:49,080
What if you just made
the biggest mistake of your life?
58
00:04:49,922 --> 00:04:51,491
Stacy, honey! Smile!
59
00:04:51,491 --> 00:04:53,152
Stacy, honey! Smile!
60
00:04:53,359 --> 00:04:57,352
There are moments in life where
you hope your decisions weren't rash.
61
00:04:58,064 --> 00:04:59,827
Bean! Bean!
62
00:05:00,099 --> 00:05:02,932
And moments where you just know.
63
00:05:03,102 --> 00:05:04,433
- Stacy.
- Derek.
64
00:05:04,604 --> 00:05:06,538
- Nice to meet you.
- Yeah, ditto.
65
00:05:06,706 --> 00:05:11,439
I had met my life-mate.
I was certain.
66
00:05:12,045 --> 00:05:15,014
Yeah! Yes!
67
00:05:16,616 --> 00:05:19,210
- That's good. Yes?
- The bar's closed.
68
00:05:21,788 --> 00:05:23,119
What are you doing?
69
00:05:23,289 --> 00:05:26,781
That first year of our relationship
was amazing.
70
00:05:26,959 --> 00:05:29,621
We were in sync, inseparable...
71
00:05:29,796 --> 00:05:31,787
... and in love.
72
00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:36,533
And though I technically
still lived with Mom...
73
00:05:36,703 --> 00:05:40,639
... I was spending practically
all my time at Derek's.
74
00:05:41,307 --> 00:05:44,868
My life was going
according to plan. Sort of.
75
00:05:45,044 --> 00:05:47,137
- Derek!
- Bob! Bob!
76
00:05:47,313 --> 00:05:51,113
Professionally speaking, I was
the go-to girl in a dead-end job.
77
00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:54,014
I mean, you can only work
your way up for so long, right?
78
00:05:55,755 --> 00:05:57,780
It was time to move on.
79
00:05:57,957 --> 00:06:00,619
And while Diane Sawyer
was still out of reach...
80
00:06:00,793 --> 00:06:03,694
... television personality
Kippie Kann wasn't.
81
00:06:05,298 --> 00:06:10,201
The grande dame of daytime talk
needed an associate producer. Me.
82
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:12,531
It was a match made in Trenton.
83
00:06:12,705 --> 00:06:16,732
- Which brings us up to speed.
- Ira Nachlis. Follow.
84
00:06:17,577 --> 00:06:20,944
The beginning of the end.
Day one.
85
00:06:22,982 --> 00:06:26,816
Tight on space,
but your desk is right next to...
86
00:06:26,986 --> 00:06:29,750
- Barb.
- Campbell-hyphen-Dunn.
87
00:06:29,922 --> 00:06:32,550
Meet our new associate producer,
Stacy Hoyt.
88
00:06:32,725 --> 00:06:34,249
- Holt.
- Whatever.
89
00:06:34,427 --> 00:06:37,294
Put your stuff down.
I'll take you to the taping.
90
00:06:37,463 --> 00:06:39,727
We got pictures of strippers
he's been with.
91
00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:40,991
Cheating bastard.
92
00:06:41,167 --> 00:06:43,328
They call it "fluffing."
Prepping the guests.
93
00:06:43,503 --> 00:06:45,971
We got proof. Go on, now.
Be strong. And violent.
94
00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:49,336
By the time they're on,
they're ready to go nine rounds.
95
00:06:49,509 --> 00:06:51,500
So there's two shows today,
9 and 3.
96
00:06:51,677 --> 00:06:53,577
Nine is "Cheating Bastards."
My idea.
97
00:06:53,746 --> 00:06:55,509
- I owe you one, Bea.
- Oh, no problem.
98
00:06:55,681 --> 00:06:58,775
That's a great idea.
Why aren't you producing?
99
00:06:58,951 --> 00:07:01,476
I am. Carl just takes credit.
100
00:07:01,654 --> 00:07:03,747
Deep breath.
101
00:07:04,190 --> 00:07:05,555
And showtime.
102
00:07:07,226 --> 00:07:09,456
Pathway, people!
103
00:07:09,629 --> 00:07:11,790
I'm on my way! I'm on my way!
104
00:07:12,231 --> 00:07:14,893
Anybody have tickets
for Thomas Oglestein?
105
00:07:15,067 --> 00:07:17,968
I haven't proofed these yet.
They look okay to you?
106
00:07:18,137 --> 00:07:20,731
Did you use the words "dope,"
"dog" and "stripper"?
107
00:07:20,907 --> 00:07:22,841
- They're fine.
- They're fine.
108
00:07:23,009 --> 00:07:26,376
Is it just me? I think the horse in
Montana is missing his feedbag.
109
00:07:27,413 --> 00:07:30,382
I just got word we're about ready
to start. But before we do...
110
00:07:30,550 --> 00:07:34,281
...I want you to get to know each other.
Turn to the person behind you...
111
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:37,548
...and shake hands.
That would be great.
112
00:07:37,723 --> 00:07:40,556
You guys are not that bright.
We are really gonna start...
113
00:07:40,726 --> 00:07:43,456
- I lost my scream.
- What?
114
00:07:43,629 --> 00:07:46,291
- Got doorbell, buzzer, beating heart...
- No scream, no show!
115
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:48,491
- Barb!
- No scream, no show!
116
00:07:49,669 --> 00:07:51,227
Go, Barb.
117
00:07:54,674 --> 00:07:56,266
Run title!
118
00:07:56,442 --> 00:07:58,672
Stand by, DP.
119
00:07:59,178 --> 00:08:02,306
- Nice, Barb.
- And cue applause.
120
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,848
- Standing by.
- Stand by, Kippie.
121
00:08:05,017 --> 00:08:09,044
Go gray.
And cue Kippie.
122
00:08:14,193 --> 00:08:16,127
There she is!
123
00:08:21,467 --> 00:08:24,459
Hey, nice to see you.
124
00:08:27,773 --> 00:08:29,263
Hello.
125
00:08:29,709 --> 00:08:33,008
She's getting ahead of you.
Stand by, camera three.
126
00:08:33,446 --> 00:08:35,971
- Camera three.
- Carl, what are you looking at?
127
00:08:41,087 --> 00:08:43,214
Welcome to Kippie Kann Do!
128
00:08:43,389 --> 00:08:46,085
Today we're putting the dogs
to the ultimate test.
129
00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:48,989
- Is your man a cheating bastard?
- No!
130
00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:53,255
Then he'll have to pass the
Kippie Kann Lie Detector to prove it.
131
00:08:53,432 --> 00:08:55,923
- Phil, camera two.
- Camera two ready.
132
00:08:56,102 --> 00:08:58,696
- Cue doorbell.
- Full scream.
133
00:08:58,871 --> 00:09:00,270
Better get that.
134
00:09:00,439 --> 00:09:02,498
Yeah! Bring it on, sucker!
135
00:09:03,576 --> 00:09:04,975
What up? What?
136
00:09:05,144 --> 00:09:07,112
- Cue apes.
- Apes?
137
00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,180
Security.
138
00:09:11,117 --> 00:09:12,744
Yeah, represent!
139
00:09:17,023 --> 00:09:19,014
What? What? What?
140
00:09:19,325 --> 00:09:22,419
Rapper Boy Taye,
why do you think you're here?
141
00:09:22,595 --> 00:09:25,792
I'm here because my woman's getting
a hot hoochie-mama makeover.
142
00:09:25,965 --> 00:09:27,227
- Camera four.
- I'd do her.
143
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,426
There is some kind of critter
under the table.
144
00:09:30,603 --> 00:09:32,503
It's either a rat...
145
00:09:32,672 --> 00:09:35,937
My sister saw you humping
on a dirty-girl stripper.
146
00:09:36,108 --> 00:09:38,303
Dirty-girl stripper?
147
00:09:38,477 --> 00:09:40,502
You crazy!
I never been with no stripper.
148
00:09:40,947 --> 00:09:43,177
That ain't your grandma.
149
00:09:43,349 --> 00:09:45,112
- That ain't me.
- Liar!
150
00:09:45,284 --> 00:09:48,344
- You're stupider than you look.
- No, you didn't!
151
00:09:48,521 --> 00:09:50,148
What are you, crazy?
152
00:09:50,323 --> 00:09:53,224
- You're a dirty dog!
- Now let's not rush to judgment.
153
00:09:53,392 --> 00:09:55,656
- Are you willing to prove it, Taye?
- Yeah.
154
00:09:55,828 --> 00:09:59,958
- What do you say, audience?
- Prove it! Prove it! Prove it!
155
00:10:07,239 --> 00:10:09,332
I got nothing. Lori, what's up?
156
00:10:09,842 --> 00:10:12,640
- Another guest?
- Do we have the right running order?
157
00:10:12,812 --> 00:10:15,246
- Should we have someone?
- Who's up?
158
00:10:15,414 --> 00:10:17,348
- I'm sorry.
- I don't have this.
159
00:10:20,152 --> 00:10:22,484
Hello? Anyone there?
160
00:10:22,655 --> 00:10:24,179
Oh, Jesus! Kippie's gonna...
161
00:10:24,890 --> 00:10:27,586
- There she blows.
- Kippie can't keep covering, Carl!
162
00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:29,751
- Good girl.
- Is anybody in the booth...
163
00:10:29,929 --> 00:10:33,558
...or is it just me down here by myself?
I'm all alone down here!
164
00:10:33,733 --> 00:10:36,065
What are you guys doing?
You're crazy!
165
00:10:36,235 --> 00:10:39,068
- Carl!
- What was the problem, Phil?
166
00:10:39,672 --> 00:10:42,937
Oh, shoot, there it is!
It's a big one!
167
00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:49,038
Okay, people, lots to do.
We got two shows today.
168
00:10:49,215 --> 00:10:51,740
First I wanna say hello
to our new associate producer...
169
00:10:51,917 --> 00:10:54,943
...our little doorbell-ringer herself,
Stacy Holt.
170
00:10:55,121 --> 00:10:58,215
- What's up, girl?
- Just kidding, Stace. Just a little fun.
171
00:10:58,391 --> 00:11:01,189
Welcome to our little thing.
172
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:03,157
Katie, you wanna show them the...?
173
00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:05,456
Take a look at our new look.
174
00:11:10,703 --> 00:11:14,605
- "Kippie Kann keeps competitors..."
- He's bringing back the hard K's.
175
00:11:14,774 --> 00:11:18,904
- Keep going, Katie. Keep it going.
- It was her thing, like a trademark.
176
00:11:19,078 --> 00:11:21,478
- "Creatively while
keeping keen"...
177
00:11:21,647 --> 00:11:24,741
- But that was a million years ago.
- Nostalgia, folks.
178
00:11:24,917 --> 00:11:27,943
Hearkens back to a simpler time.
They eat it up.
179
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:32,022
Like when Captain Kangaroo was king
and Casey Kasem was in kindergarten.
180
00:11:32,191 --> 00:11:34,785
- He's nuts.
- Who invented reality?
181
00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:37,292
- We did.
- So keep those hard K's coming.
182
00:11:37,596 --> 00:11:40,565
- Kipp, you should be in makeup, kiddo.
- Cut the K's, Carl.
183
00:11:40,733 --> 00:11:44,328
- It's cute. It's Kippie.
- It's crap! Capisce?
184
00:11:44,503 --> 00:11:46,698
Here's the thing:
185
00:11:46,872 --> 00:11:49,773
That orchid on the desk?
Well, I just got it.
186
00:11:49,942 --> 00:11:53,275
Which can only mean
it's a new picture.
187
00:11:53,446 --> 00:11:55,175
Let me see that.
188
00:11:55,347 --> 00:11:58,373
She's right. This cruelty
cannot continue. Katie.
189
00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:01,645
- Carl.
- Lf somebody has a problem with me...
190
00:12:01,821 --> 00:12:06,952
...just tell me straight up. Otherwise...
- You get canned. With a "C."
191
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:10,059
Kippie, to makeup.
192
00:12:10,496 --> 00:12:12,396
- Good girl.
- I told you.
193
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:16,023
I'll do my best to catch
the culprit, Kippie.
194
00:12:16,836 --> 00:12:18,667
Thank you...
195
00:12:20,005 --> 00:12:21,836
Ira.
196
00:12:22,208 --> 00:12:24,108
Nachlis.
197
00:12:24,276 --> 00:12:26,642
Nice to meet you.
198
00:12:29,081 --> 00:12:31,777
I've worked here for three years.
199
00:12:31,951 --> 00:12:34,545
Okay, people,
need you focused right here!
200
00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:36,517
It's all about sweeps.
201
00:12:36,689 --> 00:12:39,385
Give me drama, pathos,
life unfolding.
202
00:12:39,558 --> 00:12:42,493
Make me cry. Ira.
203
00:12:42,661 --> 00:12:45,255
Regurgitate something fresh.
204
00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:47,729
- "Midget Holiday Hell."
- Stinks.
205
00:12:47,900 --> 00:12:50,698
- Come on. Give it to Daddy.
- "Parents Who Party."
206
00:12:50,870 --> 00:12:53,100
- Who do they party with?
- Rejecting the midgets?
207
00:12:53,272 --> 00:12:54,261
- Midgets.
- What?
208
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,169
Mixed parents.
Happy mixed parents.
209
00:12:56,342 --> 00:12:58,037
- One normal size...
- One midget?
210
00:12:58,978 --> 00:13:01,674
- Sexy. I like it.
- Those midgets are mine!
211
00:13:01,847 --> 00:13:04,816
You can't corner the midget market!
Yours party during holidays.
212
00:13:04,984 --> 00:13:07,043
- Mine party as a family.
- Are they happy?
213
00:13:07,219 --> 00:13:09,744
- It'd make you cry.
- Kippie is great with sentiment.
214
00:13:09,922 --> 00:13:12,755
- Give me that thing!
- Don't! Don't touch me!
215
00:13:12,925 --> 00:13:15,985
- He has no happy midgets!
- Gentlemen, please!
216
00:13:16,162 --> 00:13:18,892
We combine the segments.
We share the credit and the midgets.
217
00:13:19,064 --> 00:13:21,498
We work together here, people.
We are a team.
218
00:13:21,667 --> 00:13:24,101
- "Grandma's a Hooker."
- You got a grandma?
219
00:13:24,270 --> 00:13:26,238
- Several.
- Run the prep.
220
00:13:26,405 --> 00:13:28,703
- "Penitentiary Porn."
- "Little Black Books."
221
00:13:28,874 --> 00:13:33,004
- Do not follow.
- Electronic little black books.
222
00:13:33,179 --> 00:13:35,670
- As in?
- As in Palms...
223
00:13:35,848 --> 00:13:40,046
...BlackBerries, desk organizers.
Electronic footprints...
224
00:13:40,219 --> 00:13:42,551
...of where your man has been
and with whom.
225
00:13:43,255 --> 00:13:46,850
Under the right circumstances,
they could be a girl's best friend.
226
00:13:47,026 --> 00:13:50,223
Especially a scorned girlfriend,
wife, mistress...
227
00:13:50,396 --> 00:13:52,489
- I think it's a fantastic idea.
- Thank you!
228
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:56,362
- Since our audience is 90% female...
- Sexy! Run the prep.
229
00:13:56,535 --> 00:13:57,797
Let's go! Come on.
230
00:13:57,970 --> 00:14:00,495
- "Pregnant Strippers"!
- "Black Midgets with Books"!
231
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:03,733
- "Unnatural Animal Love."
- "Literacy in Inner-City Schools."
232
00:14:05,477 --> 00:14:07,445
Shit! Take it back. Take it back.
233
00:14:07,613 --> 00:14:09,103
She was just kidding.
234
00:14:09,281 --> 00:14:11,545
And I tried to pretend I was.
235
00:14:12,985 --> 00:14:15,579
First the doorbell,
then the staff meeting?
236
00:14:15,754 --> 00:14:17,779
I am absolutely mortified.
237
00:14:17,957 --> 00:14:19,720
Don't worry, no one will remember.
238
00:14:19,892 --> 00:14:22,986
- You can ring my bell
- Hey, stop it!
239
00:14:23,162 --> 00:14:25,130
- Ring my bell
- She's really upset.
240
00:14:25,297 --> 00:14:26,958
Oh, please. I'm the only victim here.
241
00:14:27,132 --> 00:14:29,396
Why should I be forced
to share credit with...?
242
00:14:31,303 --> 00:14:33,362
- Not fair.
- Your midget idea was tired.
243
00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:36,804
- His twist made it different.
- Thanks, I feel so much better.
244
00:14:36,976 --> 00:14:39,945
If you make sweeps even
with shared credit, that's a huge deal.
245
00:14:40,112 --> 00:14:43,081
I happen to know that the people
from Harpo, Oprah's group...
246
00:14:43,249 --> 00:14:44,807
...TiVo every one of our shows.
247
00:14:44,984 --> 00:14:47,885
For what it's worth, I really like
your "Little Black Book" idea.
248
00:14:48,053 --> 00:14:50,544
- Really?
- Yeah. So don't cry in my soup.
249
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:54,716
- So how does it all work exactly?
- You put your best shows in sweeps.
250
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:58,455
The most outrageous, the most
provocative attention-grabbers.
251
00:14:58,631 --> 00:15:01,225
- Then they promo it.
- It's about getting eyeballs...
252
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:03,925
...to get numbers, to get revenue,
to get renewed.
253
00:15:04,103 --> 00:15:07,163
We're beginning sweeps now,
so things are in the can.
254
00:15:07,339 --> 00:15:10,137
- So, what was pitched today?
- June sluts.
255
00:15:10,309 --> 00:15:12,869
Slots. Of which we average
nine a month.
256
00:15:13,045 --> 00:15:16,344
"We" being the drones. The APs.
When an AP gets a slut... Slot.
257
00:15:16,515 --> 00:15:19,348
It's like a credit. You need
so many credits to advance.
258
00:15:19,518 --> 00:15:21,748
- And you have the most?
- Catching on.
259
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:25,880
He's next. The only way to jump ahead
of him is if you land the live show.
260
00:15:26,058 --> 00:15:27,320
- Please.
- This month?
261
00:15:27,493 --> 00:15:30,223
- A week from Friday.
- APs never get the live show.
262
00:15:30,396 --> 00:15:31,863
- Karen Meskil.
- Urban legend.
263
00:15:32,031 --> 00:15:34,329
Anyway, if you do,
you're instantly promoted.
264
00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:36,559
- Wow.
- Hi, Barbara.
265
00:15:37,036 --> 00:15:39,971
Hey, Kippie. Great show.
266
00:15:40,139 --> 00:15:42,869
Let's not go there.
You must be Stacy.
267
00:15:43,042 --> 00:15:46,705
Wow. I am so unbelievably
sorry about what happened.
268
00:15:46,879 --> 00:15:51,339
Please. Let he who is without sin
cast the first stone.
269
00:15:52,584 --> 00:15:53,846
Hello again.
270
00:15:55,087 --> 00:15:56,349
Ira.
271
00:15:58,424 --> 00:16:01,188
- Nachlis.
- Yes, you are.
272
00:16:01,493 --> 00:16:05,156
So sorry to hear about you and Neil.
I thought he was a keeper.
273
00:16:05,397 --> 00:16:06,887
Kippie?
274
00:16:07,066 --> 00:16:09,591
- Sorry. Excuse me.
- Bye.
275
00:16:10,736 --> 00:16:12,727
- Who's Neil?
- My boyfriend.
276
00:16:12,905 --> 00:16:15,169
Ex, actually.
277
00:16:18,010 --> 00:16:21,002
"Hi, Barbara. How's Neil?
You must be Stacy."
278
00:16:21,180 --> 00:16:24,411
What's missing here?
Oh, me!
279
00:16:24,583 --> 00:16:28,952
You're right. I should get as many
shows on the air as possible. Be seen.
280
00:16:29,121 --> 00:16:31,681
Noticed by somebody. Anybody.
281
00:16:31,857 --> 00:16:35,293
Okay, so, what I'm about to do should
not be interpreted as groveling...
282
00:16:35,461 --> 00:16:39,090
...hypocrisy, or desperation.
It's merely a loss of personal integrity.
283
00:16:39,264 --> 00:16:42,165
Excuse me. Larry, wait up!
284
00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:45,064
- He's funny.
- Yeah. Talented too.
285
00:16:45,237 --> 00:16:46,864
Okay, I'll do the midgets.
286
00:16:47,039 --> 00:16:50,202
- Too bad he'll never make it here.
- Why not?
287
00:16:50,376 --> 00:16:53,504
He cares too much what
everyone thinks. Especially Kippie.
288
00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:58,116
- And that's bad because...?
- They're shopping for a newer model.
289
00:16:58,283 --> 00:17:01,844
- But she's the boss.
- It's been in the works a long time.
290
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,785
Who do you think leaked
the pictures to the tabloids?
291
00:17:04,957 --> 00:17:08,393
Her ratings are down, and she's got
five years left on her contract.
292
00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:09,959
You do the math.
293
00:17:10,129 --> 00:17:12,097
- So is it always like this?
- I don't know.
294
00:17:12,264 --> 00:17:15,392
I haven't been here
long enough to say.
295
00:17:15,567 --> 00:17:17,558
- No, I thought you were...
- A lifer?
296
00:17:17,736 --> 00:17:20,796
No. A year and a half ago
I was on Wall Street.
297
00:17:20,973 --> 00:17:22,907
And before that I drove a bus.
298
00:17:23,308 --> 00:17:25,105
It's all pretty much the same.
299
00:17:25,277 --> 00:17:28,075
People will tell you who they are
if you just listen.
300
00:17:28,247 --> 00:17:31,978
You can figure them out.
Sometimes you can help.
301
00:17:33,118 --> 00:17:35,143
- Let's help Kippie.
- I should warn you.
302
00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:38,483
I'm uncomfortable
with touching and sentiment.
303
00:17:38,991 --> 00:17:40,959
- Sorry.
- Thank you.
304
00:17:42,428 --> 00:17:44,020
It's all about the bottom line.
305
00:17:44,196 --> 00:17:46,187
- In every business.
- Does she know?
306
00:17:46,365 --> 00:17:48,629
She used to be prime-time
out of New York.
307
00:17:48,801 --> 00:17:50,428
Now she's syndicated in Jersey.
308
00:17:50,602 --> 00:17:54,595
It's one thing to start here, but you
don't climb your way to Trenton.
309
00:17:54,773 --> 00:17:56,934
Nothing we can do,
short of winning sweeps.
310
00:17:57,109 --> 00:17:59,009
- Well, then let's win sweeps.
- Oh, okay.
311
00:17:59,378 --> 00:18:02,108
- We could try.
- Win one for the Kipper?
312
00:18:02,281 --> 00:18:04,215
- Please.
- This is too earnest for me.
313
00:18:04,383 --> 00:18:06,544
You've been teetering,
and you just crossed over.
314
00:18:06,718 --> 00:18:09,846
- Don't you like her?
- I do, actually.
315
00:18:10,022 --> 00:18:13,185
A lot. But that's irrelevant.
316
00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:18,454
That may be so, but does it reveal
who your true friends are?
317
00:18:18,630 --> 00:18:20,598
Are they keeping secrets?
318
00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:23,234
Well, it's not a secret anymore
for someone...
319
00:18:23,402 --> 00:18:26,838
... and we'll tell you why
after these words.
320
00:18:27,005 --> 00:18:28,267
Hey!
321
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:31,204
Man, you should have seen
what came out of this animal.
322
00:18:31,376 --> 00:18:33,344
I miss all the good stuff.
323
00:18:33,512 --> 00:18:36,208
- Think you're pretty cute, don't you?
- Well, I'm no Bob.
324
00:18:36,615 --> 00:18:38,549
You better apologize.
325
00:18:38,717 --> 00:18:41,208
I think you just insulted Bob.
326
00:18:41,386 --> 00:18:44,514
- You insinuated ugliness.
- I did not. I did not.
327
00:18:44,690 --> 00:18:48,353
- Apologize.
- Okay, okay! I'm sorry, Bob. I'm sorry.
328
00:18:48,527 --> 00:18:51,860
- Wait. Where are you going?
- I gotta finish packing. Two minutes.
329
00:18:52,030 --> 00:18:55,761
Did I tell you about Nieuwendyk's
cousin? MVP out of Detroit?
330
00:18:55,934 --> 00:18:58,869
Guess who he's seeing
Friday morning. His request.
331
00:18:59,037 --> 00:19:00,595
Yeah, you told me. It's amazing.
332
00:19:00,772 --> 00:19:03,263
Honey, this fast-forward thing
isn't working.
333
00:19:03,442 --> 00:19:05,433
- Oh, my God!
- What?
334
00:19:05,611 --> 00:19:07,875
- Oh, it's the gas.
- Oh, God!
335
00:19:08,046 --> 00:19:10,571
- Bob, get down. Come here, boy.
- Open a window. Honey...
336
00:19:12,384 --> 00:19:14,875
Yeah, plus Robbie Moore,
out of Buffalo?
337
00:19:15,053 --> 00:19:17,920
These guys are, like,
the top two recruits in the country.
338
00:19:18,090 --> 00:19:19,887
And if I can nail them both...
339
00:19:20,058 --> 00:19:24,154
No ifs. You will. I know it.
340
00:19:24,329 --> 00:19:27,059
- Oh, what is the matter with that Bob?
- Burrito.
341
00:19:27,232 --> 00:19:28,893
- Want me to take him out?
- Later.
342
00:19:29,067 --> 00:19:30,432
- I can do it right now.
- No.
343
00:19:30,602 --> 00:19:32,194
Positive?
344
00:19:32,704 --> 00:19:35,468
Jesus wept! Bob!
345
00:19:35,641 --> 00:19:37,370
No more hot sauce, all right?
346
00:19:37,543 --> 00:19:41,536
- Why are you feeding him hot sauce?
- I don't know.
347
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:45,415
- What are you watching?
- Oh, Kippie.
348
00:19:45,584 --> 00:19:48,018
- I'm studying the format.
- Tell us how bulimia...
349
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:51,623
...affected your relationships, Lulu.
- I lost them all.
350
00:19:51,790 --> 00:19:53,849
My agent.
My friends. My boyfriends.
351
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:55,789
- Lulu?
- Fritz.
352
00:19:55,961 --> 00:19:58,486
- The supermodel.
- I was so ashamed.
353
00:19:58,664 --> 00:19:59,926
I knew it.
354
00:20:01,333 --> 00:20:02,664
I knew she barfed.
355
00:20:03,902 --> 00:20:07,565
- Oh, that documentary.
- No, I mean I heard her.
356
00:20:09,174 --> 00:20:11,904
You heard Lulu Fritz barfing?
357
00:20:12,778 --> 00:20:14,712
Yeah, couple times. Nasty.
358
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:17,781
You think I'm gonna need
a sweater in Detroit? In May?
359
00:20:20,152 --> 00:20:21,449
What?
360
00:20:22,454 --> 00:20:25,184
You don't feel compelled
to explain further?
361
00:20:26,291 --> 00:20:28,759
We dated. A little.
I told you that, didn't I?
362
00:20:28,927 --> 00:20:31,157
Let me think. No.
363
00:20:31,330 --> 00:20:34,458
Thought I did. Are you gonna be
cool staying here by yourself?
364
00:20:34,633 --> 00:20:36,362
- You'll walk Bob?
- Sure.
365
00:20:36,535 --> 00:20:38,594
Don't let him walk you.
Who's the boss?
366
00:20:38,770 --> 00:20:40,328
- Me.
- Tell him that.
367
00:20:40,505 --> 00:20:43,269
- I'm the boss, Bob.
- You hear that, Bob?
368
00:20:45,177 --> 00:20:47,839
- You never mentioned her.
- Who?
369
00:20:48,013 --> 00:20:49,139
Lulu.
370
00:20:50,415 --> 00:20:53,350
Because we don't sit around
talking about past relationships.
371
00:20:53,518 --> 00:20:55,383
She was a relationship.
372
00:20:55,921 --> 00:20:57,582
- Come on, Stace.
- Yeah, we do.
373
00:20:57,756 --> 00:21:00,953
You told me about that med student
you dated right before me.
374
00:21:01,126 --> 00:21:05,028
And then the girl before that.
What's her name? Joyce.
375
00:21:05,197 --> 00:21:09,463
- I guess you just forgot to mention...
- This is why I hate talking about this.
376
00:21:09,735 --> 00:21:13,193
It's just, you end up
fighting over old ghosts.
377
00:21:13,372 --> 00:21:15,636
It's history. It's over.
The past is past.
378
00:21:15,807 --> 00:21:18,901
That's before the past was
a supermodel that barfed quietly.
379
00:21:19,077 --> 00:21:21,409
You know, I don't pry
into your old boyfriends.
380
00:21:21,580 --> 00:21:24,344
Here's a little tip:
I never dated Brad Pitt.
381
00:21:24,516 --> 00:21:26,950
All right. Shut it off, okay?
382
00:21:29,688 --> 00:21:32,816
Look, I've had
really bad experiences...
383
00:21:32,991 --> 00:21:36,324
...talking about past relationships,
no matter how casual.
384
00:21:36,495 --> 00:21:40,397
If you have to know,
we had problems in bed.
385
00:21:40,599 --> 00:21:42,499
Hallelujah
386
00:21:42,668 --> 00:21:45,535
- Okay?
- Okay.
387
00:21:45,704 --> 00:21:48,195
- Bob hates it when we fight.
- We're not fighting.
388
00:21:48,373 --> 00:21:51,206
- Tell him.
- We are not fighting, Bob.
389
00:21:52,311 --> 00:21:53,608
So no more Lulu Fritz?
390
00:21:53,779 --> 00:21:57,840
I will never mention the name
"Lulu Fritz" again.
391
00:22:00,218 --> 00:22:00,352
- Lulu Fritz.
- No.
392
00:22:00,352 --> 00:22:02,115
- Lulu Fritz.
- No.
393
00:22:02,287 --> 00:22:05,620
- And he never told you?
- The past is past.
394
00:22:05,791 --> 00:22:08,919
- "Unnatural Animal Love" in five.
- Tell me you're not quoting him.
395
00:22:09,094 --> 00:22:11,824
We made an agreement
not to discuss old relationships.
396
00:22:11,997 --> 00:22:13,555
- Renegotiate.
- No.
397
00:22:13,732 --> 00:22:17,133
Those who do not learn from his
history are condemned to repeat it.
398
00:22:17,302 --> 00:22:20,294
Doesn't matter who he dated.
What matters is why he stopped.
399
00:22:20,472 --> 00:22:22,463
- What's he do?
- He works for the Devils.
400
00:22:22,641 --> 00:22:25,838
- Who doesn't? Kidding.
- Think about it hypothetically.
401
00:22:26,011 --> 00:22:28,605
Say Derek's like Neil.
Hypothetically.
402
00:22:28,780 --> 00:22:32,216
How do you find out before you're
too far gone? He won't say:
403
00:22:32,384 --> 00:22:34,750
"I was screwing my way
through the phone book."
404
00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:36,444
- "And I only got to K."
- He'll say:
405
00:22:36,621 --> 00:22:38,020
- "The past is past."
- Right.
406
00:22:38,190 --> 00:22:40,556
- Your man's hiding something.
- What about his family?
407
00:22:40,726 --> 00:22:44,184
- Good point. They'll always give dirt.
- No, that's not what I mean.
408
00:22:44,363 --> 00:22:49,494
What are they like? You can tell a lot
by studying where he came from.
409
00:22:50,135 --> 00:22:51,432
I haven't met them.
410
00:22:53,071 --> 00:22:54,561
He doesn't bring girls home.
411
00:22:55,340 --> 00:22:57,570
- He just doesn't.
- Can I ask...
412
00:22:57,743 --> 00:23:00,871
...you ever think of appealing
this decision? Meeting the folks?
413
00:23:01,046 --> 00:23:03,310
I don't wanna make him
feel uncomfortable.
414
00:23:03,482 --> 00:23:05,450
Yeah. Let's not do that.
That'd be bad.
415
00:23:05,617 --> 00:23:07,847
- Stop it!
- What century are you in?
416
00:23:08,019 --> 00:23:10,817
You have a right...
Nay, an obligation to find out more.
417
00:23:10,989 --> 00:23:14,152
He's away for, what, two weeks?
Take that time, I beg you.
418
00:23:14,326 --> 00:23:17,159
Learn a few things. Anything.
Information's power.
419
00:23:18,397 --> 00:23:20,490
- Feels dishonest.
- That's because it is.
420
00:23:20,665 --> 00:23:23,998
You wanna keep your man,
you find out why they didn't.
421
00:23:24,169 --> 00:23:25,761
- I thought you stopped.
- I have.
422
00:23:25,937 --> 00:23:27,962
Look, I agree.
There's better ways to do it.
423
00:23:28,140 --> 00:23:30,768
- It'd be great if you could ask him...
- Or the folks.
424
00:23:30,942 --> 00:23:34,469
Since no one argues with the lord
and master, you gotta get creative.
425
00:23:34,646 --> 00:23:38,412
All men should come with letters of
recommendation, or warning labels.
426
00:23:38,583 --> 00:23:40,448
Or little black books.
Does he have one?
427
00:23:40,619 --> 00:23:42,917
- A Palm. Why?
- She may be hopeless.
428
00:23:43,088 --> 00:23:46,421
- She's not hopeless.
- Okay, then open it up. Explore.
429
00:23:46,591 --> 00:23:48,991
Speaking of which,
what was Lulu's last name?
430
00:23:49,161 --> 00:23:50,423
Fritz. Why?
431
00:23:52,030 --> 00:23:56,399
- What's that?
- Vintage. Working Girl, 1988.
432
00:23:56,568 --> 00:23:58,695
- Good movie?
- It's a great movie.
433
00:23:58,870 --> 00:24:00,997
You've never seen it?
434
00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:05,132
Staten Island girl trying to
make her way in the big city...
435
00:24:05,310 --> 00:24:07,710
...on her own terms.
- Melanie Griffith, huh?
436
00:24:07,879 --> 00:24:10,746
- Yeah.
- Has she never heard of call waiting?
437
00:24:12,350 --> 00:24:14,978
And Mike Nichols. He's famous.
438
00:24:15,153 --> 00:24:17,087
He's a genius.
439
00:24:17,322 --> 00:24:20,485
Plus, he's married to Diane Sawyer.
440
00:24:20,659 --> 00:24:23,253
- Who you wanna be.
- Ringing!
441
00:24:23,428 --> 00:24:25,020
Ladies.
442
00:24:27,232 --> 00:24:30,565
I don't wanna be her, Barb.
I wanna work with her.
443
00:24:30,735 --> 00:24:33,067
I will work with her.
I believe I will.
444
00:24:33,238 --> 00:24:35,832
- I believe you will too.
- Hello, Lulu Fritz?
445
00:24:36,007 --> 00:24:39,534
Ira Nachlis. Senior associate
producerlproducer, Kippie Kann Do.
446
00:24:39,711 --> 00:24:42,646
Listen, "I Model,
Then I Barf Quietly"...
447
00:24:42,814 --> 00:24:46,045
...is one of our highest-rated shows.
- What are you doing?
448
00:24:46,218 --> 00:24:50,882
I am trying to give a young innocent
her 15 minutes of fame. Now...
449
00:24:51,823 --> 00:24:53,882
I'm sorry. Lulu...
450
00:24:54,059 --> 00:24:56,892
...we're thinking of having
a special next month.
451
00:24:57,062 --> 00:25:00,657
We'd like you to come in
tomorrow for an interview.
452
00:25:00,832 --> 00:25:05,360
Excellent. We'll do lunch
and throw up... Catch up.
453
00:25:05,937 --> 00:25:09,134
I would love to expose myself
to your viewers.
454
00:25:09,307 --> 00:25:11,241
Okay. Not going there.
455
00:25:11,409 --> 00:25:14,901
So how did the documentary
affect your personal life, Lulu?
456
00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:19,779
Well, it forced Stephen,
my ex, to face his truth.
457
00:25:19,951 --> 00:25:22,146
He barfed too.
458
00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:25,653
Fascinating. And before Stephen?
459
00:25:25,824 --> 00:25:29,157
I didn't date much. I was shy.
460
00:25:29,327 --> 00:25:30,794
And ugly.
461
00:25:30,962 --> 00:25:34,693
Why do supermodels say how ugly
they were when they were young?
462
00:25:34,866 --> 00:25:37,300
Is it because they want us
to know they suffered?
463
00:25:37,469 --> 00:25:39,664
Do they think that it makes them
more deserving?
464
00:25:39,838 --> 00:25:42,864
That we'll forgive them their bounty?
Note to supermodels:
465
00:25:43,041 --> 00:25:44,736
None of us believe you.
466
00:25:44,910 --> 00:25:48,073
- No one invited me to the prom.
- Makes you stronger.
467
00:25:48,246 --> 00:25:50,976
So the only relationship
you ever had ever was Stephen?
468
00:25:51,149 --> 00:25:54,016
No. I mean, I dated a few people.
469
00:25:54,185 --> 00:25:57,279
- Names, please.
- Fabrizio. Renato.
470
00:25:57,455 --> 00:25:58,945
Carmine. Jahni.
471
00:25:59,124 --> 00:26:02,355
- Derek.
- She said his name.
472
00:26:02,594 --> 00:26:04,289
Derek.
473
00:26:04,462 --> 00:26:07,329
His name came out of that mouth.
474
00:26:07,499 --> 00:26:09,797
Derek.
475
00:26:09,968 --> 00:26:11,458
Derek.
476
00:26:11,636 --> 00:26:14,867
Her "Derek" was my Derek.
477
00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:17,270
- But mostly I was lonely.
- How sad.
478
00:26:17,442 --> 00:26:20,434
- Tell me about one of the early guys.
- Oh, say, Derek.
479
00:26:20,612 --> 00:26:23,172
- Derek?
- It was just a casual kind of thing.
480
00:26:23,348 --> 00:26:26,442
- Stace, let her tell the story.
- I am. She is. Go ahead.
481
00:26:26,618 --> 00:26:28,984
I was so young.
I can hardly remember.
482
00:26:29,154 --> 00:26:31,554
- Happens to all of us.
- It was all superficial.
483
00:26:31,723 --> 00:26:34,624
- What isn't these days?
- Completely about sex.
484
00:26:34,793 --> 00:26:36,784
- Completely about... What?
- Sex.
485
00:26:36,962 --> 00:26:38,793
- Sex.
- Sex.
486
00:26:38,964 --> 00:26:41,364
- But you had problems in bed?
- You don't know that.
487
00:26:41,533 --> 00:26:43,660
Guessing! Someone needs to chill.
488
00:26:43,835 --> 00:26:46,167
Actually, the bedroom...
489
00:26:46,338 --> 00:26:49,637
...was the only place
we really connected.
490
00:26:50,041 --> 00:26:52,532
Two, sometimes
three times a day.
491
00:26:52,711 --> 00:26:55,509
Funny how your memory
just snapped back like that.
492
00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:59,480
Anyways, Derek and I didn't
talk much. I just used him for...
493
00:26:59,651 --> 00:27:02,211
- We know.
- Pretty amazing.
494
00:27:02,387 --> 00:27:05,481
Experimental. Wild.
495
00:27:05,657 --> 00:27:08,888
- Sounds great. Why'd you split?
- Oh, same old, same old.
496
00:27:09,060 --> 00:27:11,824
Schedules. Travel. Temptation.
497
00:27:12,497 --> 00:27:16,058
- He cheated.
- No! I did. All the time.
498
00:27:16,234 --> 00:27:19,294
But he stuck around
like a lovesick puppy.
499
00:27:19,471 --> 00:27:22,372
Finally, I asked him to go back
to his old girlfriend.
500
00:27:22,540 --> 00:27:26,135
She called all the time,
begging him, pleading.
501
00:27:26,311 --> 00:27:28,745
- She was desperate.
- Joyce?
502
00:27:29,948 --> 00:27:33,076
- How'd you know her name?
- You mentioned it. She mentioned it.
503
00:27:33,251 --> 00:27:35,048
- You did.
- I did?
504
00:27:35,220 --> 00:27:36,585
Yeah.
505
00:27:37,188 --> 00:27:39,486
Well, Joyce.
506
00:27:39,658 --> 00:27:41,922
He only went back to her out of pity.
507
00:27:43,561 --> 00:27:45,859
I wonder what he's doing now.
508
00:27:46,831 --> 00:27:48,033
Hey, Derek. This is Lulu!
509
00:27:48,033 --> 00:27:49,432
Hey, Derek. This is Lulu!
510
00:27:49,601 --> 00:27:53,628
Just thought I'd give you a call
and let you know I was in town.
511
00:27:53,805 --> 00:27:57,571
Cow. Quietly barfing cow.
512
00:27:58,610 --> 00:28:02,910
And suddenly, my certain world
didn't seem so certain after all.
513
00:28:03,081 --> 00:28:06,380
Hi, Bob. Are you hungry?
I'm not hungry.
514
00:28:08,086 --> 00:28:11,749
Lulu dangled before me
like bait on a wire.
515
00:28:12,757 --> 00:28:14,884
I swallowed it whole...
516
00:28:15,493 --> 00:28:17,984
... and then wanted more.
517
00:28:20,832 --> 00:28:23,995
It was time for the past
to meet the present.
518
00:28:25,070 --> 00:28:27,436
Bob, look. A box.
519
00:28:30,775 --> 00:28:33,437
I just need to clean up some stuff.
520
00:28:33,611 --> 00:28:35,169
He told me to.
521
00:28:42,420 --> 00:28:45,355
Just checking things out, you know?
522
00:28:45,690 --> 00:28:47,920
Oh, look. Pictures.
523
00:28:50,595 --> 00:28:54,497
So this is hysterical Joyce.
524
00:28:54,666 --> 00:28:57,032
You don't look so desperate.
525
00:28:57,202 --> 00:28:59,932
You look athletic.
526
00:29:00,939 --> 00:29:04,102
And pretty. Where was this taken?
527
00:29:04,275 --> 00:29:07,369
New York City Marathon. Okay.
528
00:29:07,545 --> 00:29:11,641
Where you crossed the finish line.
529
00:29:11,816 --> 00:29:14,216
And you were crying.
530
00:29:14,552 --> 00:29:18,044
And so was Derek
while he hugs you.
531
00:29:18,223 --> 00:29:21,124
There's so many neat pictures, Bob.
532
00:29:21,292 --> 00:29:23,522
Rachel Keyes.
533
00:29:23,695 --> 00:29:27,791
You are a podiatrist, I think?
534
00:29:27,966 --> 00:29:30,526
What's with that little
minx-like smile?
535
00:29:31,836 --> 00:29:33,633
What?
536
00:29:34,739 --> 00:29:37,105
Can you just not look at me
like that, please?
537
00:29:37,275 --> 00:29:39,800
It's making me very uncomfortable.
538
00:29:40,345 --> 00:29:43,246
There. See? I'm done. Okay?
539
00:29:43,414 --> 00:29:46,076
And don't judge me. Okay, Bob?
540
00:29:49,053 --> 00:29:51,021
Hey, Stacy, it's me. You there?
541
00:29:52,590 --> 00:29:55,753
Okay, I guess you're out with Bob.
Listen, I left my Palm at home.
542
00:29:55,927 --> 00:29:59,419
I need you to go through it and
get me some numbers. Take care.
543
00:29:59,597 --> 00:30:01,394
Palm?
544
00:30:02,734 --> 00:30:06,727
Did you hear that, Bob?
Derek left his Palm at home.
545
00:30:08,173 --> 00:30:10,539
Guess we'll have to look for it.
546
00:30:12,410 --> 00:30:15,607
If I were a Palm, where would I be?
547
00:30:15,780 --> 00:30:18,772
If we were Palms,
where would we be, Bob?
548
00:30:20,118 --> 00:30:21,983
Where is it?
549
00:30:22,420 --> 00:30:24,081
Where could it be right now?
550
00:30:24,689 --> 00:30:26,384
He asked for it.
551
00:30:26,558 --> 00:30:28,890
Where could it be?
552
00:30:34,165 --> 00:30:39,068
Luck is when preparation
meets opportunity.
553
00:30:39,237 --> 00:30:40,704
Okay, Bob?
554
00:30:42,941 --> 00:30:46,843
Life's about certainty.
It's about being in control.
555
00:30:48,613 --> 00:30:51,912
Password, password, password.
What would his password be?
556
00:30:53,852 --> 00:30:55,820
Thank you.
557
00:30:57,789 --> 00:30:59,586
What?
558
00:31:00,525 --> 00:31:02,459
Go to your bed.
559
00:31:03,962 --> 00:31:07,261
Go to your bed, Bob!
560
00:31:11,970 --> 00:31:14,131
Seconds before opening
the metallic case...
561
00:31:14,305 --> 00:31:16,967
... I envisioned all the evil
flowing into the world.
562
00:31:17,141 --> 00:31:19,803
I was Pandora.
563
00:31:20,044 --> 00:31:22,239
And then I got over it.
564
00:31:31,022 --> 00:31:33,650
Look at that. Joyce works
at the Kaleidoscope Kitchen.
565
00:31:33,825 --> 00:31:35,850
Brand-new place.
Know what that means?
566
00:31:36,027 --> 00:31:39,463
It's a new entry. That place has only
been open two, three months.
567
00:31:39,631 --> 00:31:42,122
How would he know that
unless they still talk?
568
00:31:42,300 --> 00:31:44,165
- That's ridiculous.
- Ladies.
569
00:31:44,602 --> 00:31:47,730
Hey!
We could give her a little jingle.
570
00:31:47,906 --> 00:31:50,932
- "Hello, Joyce...
- Where's Leo? Where's Leo?
571
00:31:51,109 --> 00:31:54,636
...Moore? We're doing research
on an upcoming episode...
572
00:31:54,812 --> 00:31:57,007
...'Best Chefs in the Tri-State Area.'
573
00:31:57,282 --> 00:32:00,376
No guarantees, of course,
but I was wondering if we could...
574
00:32:00,551 --> 00:32:02,519
...spend a little time...
575
00:32:02,687 --> 00:32:05,383
...getting to know each other better."
- Not doing it.
576
00:32:08,226 --> 00:32:11,787
Now, how about that doctor he dated?
What was her name?
577
00:32:11,963 --> 00:32:14,158
- Barb.
- You have to admit it's educational.
578
00:32:14,332 --> 00:32:17,233
Look what you learned with Lulu.
He didn't cheat.
579
00:32:17,402 --> 00:32:20,132
- I never thought he did.
- He said they had problems in bed...
580
00:32:20,305 --> 00:32:22,967
...and it turns out the problem
was getting out.
581
00:32:23,141 --> 00:32:26,702
Little lie. Harmless.
Unless it's a pattern.
582
00:32:26,878 --> 00:32:29,676
- It's not a pattern.
- How do you know?
583
00:32:30,281 --> 00:32:34,411
Say, hypothetically,
you get a dog.
584
00:32:34,585 --> 00:32:36,348
- A what?
- A dog, hypothetically.
585
00:32:36,521 --> 00:32:39,786
And you find out his grandfather
and father chased cars.
586
00:32:39,958 --> 00:32:41,823
- Whose father?
- The dog's. In fact...
587
00:32:41,993 --> 00:32:44,427
...all the males in his line,
car-chasers.
588
00:32:44,595 --> 00:32:46,893
Chances are he'll chase cars.
589
00:32:47,065 --> 00:32:50,694
Helpful information you can only get
by doing research.
590
00:32:50,868 --> 00:32:53,336
You need to find out,
is your man a car-chaser?
591
00:32:53,504 --> 00:32:56,200
- No.
- Are you sure?
592
00:32:56,374 --> 00:33:00,333
People are creatures of habit.
Last one. Their behavior is patterned.
593
00:33:01,245 --> 00:33:06,080
After Neil slept with half of Newark,
I found out he'd been doing it for years.
594
00:33:06,250 --> 00:33:09,651
So keep yourself dumb and believe
what he tells you, or... Up to you.
595
00:33:09,821 --> 00:33:12,813
- God, I hate this.
- I know.
596
00:33:12,991 --> 00:33:14,891
- I hate doubt.
- You'll get over it.
597
00:33:15,059 --> 00:33:17,084
Now, what was the name
of that chiropractor?
598
00:33:17,261 --> 00:33:20,094
Podiatrist. Dr. Rachel Keyes.
599
00:33:20,264 --> 00:33:21,731
Barb?
600
00:33:21,899 --> 00:33:23,332
Yeah?
601
00:33:23,501 --> 00:33:27,437
Look, make an appointment. That's all.
See how you feel once you meet her.
602
00:33:27,605 --> 00:33:31,701
If you don't do the whole Kippie spiel,
at least your feet will be happy.
603
00:33:32,010 --> 00:33:34,069
You wanna work
with Diane Sawyer?
604
00:33:34,245 --> 00:33:36,304
You gotta learn how to do research.
605
00:33:37,048 --> 00:33:38,572
In the field.
606
00:33:38,750 --> 00:33:41,617
Health and Wellness Women's Clinic.
Hold, please.
607
00:33:41,853 --> 00:33:44,287
Look under the hood
before you purchase the car.
608
00:33:44,455 --> 00:33:47,390
Thank you for holding.
Health and Wellness Women's Clinic.
609
00:33:47,558 --> 00:33:50,823
Yes, I'd like to make an appointment
with Dr. Keyes, please.
610
00:33:50,995 --> 00:33:52,929
- She's booked through the month.
- Okay.
611
00:33:53,097 --> 00:33:54,530
- No cancellations?
- Oh, wait.
612
00:33:54,699 --> 00:33:57,224
We have one for Thursday morning.
8:45.
613
00:33:57,402 --> 00:33:59,700
- I'll take it.
- Name?
614
00:33:59,937 --> 00:34:01,495
Barb Campbell-hyphen-Dunn.
615
00:34:01,672 --> 00:34:03,902
And what is this regarding, please?
616
00:34:04,275 --> 00:34:08,541
- Warts. Plantar warts. Hurt like hell.
- See you Thursday.
617
00:34:10,982 --> 00:34:13,507
Hey, don't let the chickens out!
618
00:34:14,852 --> 00:34:19,152
I was strangely calm waiting to meet
the woman Derek dated before me.
619
00:34:19,323 --> 00:34:22,520
So calm, in fact,
I never questioned the gown...
620
00:34:22,860 --> 00:34:24,418
... or the need for easy access.
621
00:34:25,763 --> 00:34:28,425
- So when was your last period?
- My what?
622
00:34:28,599 --> 00:34:30,999
- Your menses.
- I don't understand.
623
00:34:32,937 --> 00:34:35,997
Okay, each month you might notice
a change in your body...
624
00:34:36,174 --> 00:34:37,732
I understand what you mean.
625
00:34:37,909 --> 00:34:40,002
I just don't know why
you'd want to know...
626
00:34:40,178 --> 00:34:41,736
- Barbara Campbell?
- Hyphen-Dunn.
627
00:34:41,913 --> 00:34:43,141
- Yes.
- I'm Dr. Keyes.
628
00:34:43,314 --> 00:34:45,111
- Hi.
- Hi.
629
00:34:45,283 --> 00:34:48,775
So, what brings you in here today?
630
00:34:48,953 --> 00:34:50,614
- Warts.
- Warts.
631
00:34:51,489 --> 00:34:53,650
- Really painful.
- All the time?
632
00:34:53,825 --> 00:34:55,816
Well, mostly
when you step on them.
633
00:34:55,993 --> 00:34:58,257
Heels, you know. Ouch.
634
00:34:58,429 --> 00:35:01,660
I have a bit of a shoe fetish.
Stilettos.
635
00:35:01,833 --> 00:35:04,267
I'm trying to stay away from them.
It's my bad.
636
00:35:04,435 --> 00:35:07,734
Well, maybe you can be more specific
as to where the warts are.
637
00:35:07,905 --> 00:35:10,601
- You wanna use this mirror?
- No, that's not necessary.
638
00:35:10,775 --> 00:35:15,508
I'm very flexible.
They're sort of deep down.
639
00:35:15,680 --> 00:35:17,580
Just look way deep down inside.
640
00:35:17,748 --> 00:35:20,842
You can't really see them
unless you look inside.
641
00:35:21,018 --> 00:35:24,681
Well, maybe not that way.
Why don't you just relax, Barbara.
642
00:35:24,856 --> 00:35:27,484
- Okay.
- That's a good girl. There you go.
643
00:35:27,825 --> 00:35:30,658
Just going to put your feet
in these stirrups.
644
00:35:33,397 --> 00:35:35,228
Stirrups?
645
00:35:40,438 --> 00:35:44,033
Gynecologist? Not a podiatrist?
Ten-to- 1 those aren't for the opera.
646
00:35:44,208 --> 00:35:47,871
- And we'll have a little look-see.
- Look-see? Where?
647
00:35:49,947 --> 00:35:52,415
Oops.
Someone left their panties on.
648
00:35:52,583 --> 00:35:53,914
- Oops.
- Just...
649
00:35:54,952 --> 00:35:57,477
There you go. Good girl.
650
00:36:01,926 --> 00:36:03,325
Good.
651
00:36:05,363 --> 00:36:06,955
- Comfy?
- Well, let's see.
652
00:36:07,131 --> 00:36:11,158
I'm spread-eagle for my boyfriend's ex,
who's about to go searching for warts.
653
00:36:11,335 --> 00:36:13,303
Super. Thanks.
654
00:36:13,471 --> 00:36:15,405
Barbara,
you know what they say, right?
655
00:36:15,573 --> 00:36:18,906
You can never be too rich, too thin,
or too far down on the table.
656
00:36:19,076 --> 00:36:22,409
So let's scooch you.
There we go. Perfect.
657
00:36:23,614 --> 00:36:28,517
- I'm going to insert the speculum now.
- Oh, good. Narration.
658
00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:31,545
You may feel a bit of pressure.
659
00:36:34,825 --> 00:36:37,851
Would you take a look at that cervix,
Nurse Kisilevsky?
660
00:36:38,796 --> 00:36:42,061
Textbook. I'm not the first person
who's told you that, I'm sure.
661
00:36:42,233 --> 00:36:43,791
Can't hear it enough.
662
00:36:44,035 --> 00:36:47,402
It was all too horrible.
I had to avert my eyes.
663
00:36:47,572 --> 00:36:50,507
Which made me focus
on a sight more horrific.
664
00:36:50,675 --> 00:36:54,475
Midst what seemed like an unusual
amount of Dr. Keyes' beauty shots...
665
00:36:54,645 --> 00:36:59,582
... stood a picture that jumped out.
Big. Dr. Rachel Keyes and Bob?
666
00:36:59,750 --> 00:37:03,208
Stinky Bob! Why would she have a
picture with him unless he was hers?
667
00:37:03,387 --> 00:37:07,448
Worse, theirs.
I needed to take control. Fast!
668
00:37:07,625 --> 00:37:10,594
Dr. Keyes,
I work with the Kippie Kann show.
669
00:37:10,761 --> 00:37:15,255
You would never be interested
in being on television would you?
670
00:37:16,534 --> 00:37:17,796
Call me Rachel.
671
00:37:17,969 --> 00:37:21,962
I started the vitamin company about a
year and a half ago. It's just taken off.
672
00:37:22,139 --> 00:37:26,200
- Oh? And look. Your picture's on it.
- I fought them on that.
673
00:37:26,377 --> 00:37:29,073
Sure you did. So tell me, Rachel.
674
00:37:29,247 --> 00:37:31,772
What did you have to sacrifice
to get here?
675
00:37:31,949 --> 00:37:34,349
Relationships? Family? Pets?
676
00:37:34,685 --> 00:37:37,677
I never wanted to settle
in order to settle down.
677
00:37:37,855 --> 00:37:40,551
- You know what I'm talking about.
- Oh, yeah. Back to pets.
678
00:37:40,725 --> 00:37:43,751
I noticed a picture of a dog
in the examination room.
679
00:37:43,928 --> 00:37:47,091
- So happy-looking.
- Bob.
680
00:37:47,265 --> 00:37:49,733
He's my ex's dog, but I raised him.
681
00:37:49,900 --> 00:37:52,391
- He was such a cuddler.
- Your ex?
682
00:37:52,570 --> 00:37:55,562
The dog. I could've lobbied
to keep him when we split.
683
00:37:55,740 --> 00:37:58,504
But med school by day,
the book by night.
684
00:37:58,676 --> 00:38:02,271
- You wrote a book?
- Here we go. Second printing.
685
00:38:02,446 --> 00:38:06,075
Take one. I'll just bill you for it.
It's a play on words.
686
00:38:06,250 --> 00:38:08,343
"Keyes to Your Vagina."
687
00:38:08,552 --> 00:38:12,716
Clever. Oh, and there's
that picture again.
688
00:38:12,890 --> 00:38:17,259
- So anyways, Bob, is it?
- Yeah, he's with Derek. My ex.
689
00:38:17,428 --> 00:38:19,521
But I have visitation rights.
690
00:38:20,464 --> 00:38:22,022
- Oh, really?
- Sure.
691
00:38:22,199 --> 00:38:25,862
The photograph in the exam room
was taken a few weeks ago at a picnic.
692
00:38:26,037 --> 00:38:27,868
A picnic? A few weeks ago?
693
00:38:28,039 --> 00:38:31,031
He went on a picnic
with this self-obsessed prodigy?
694
00:38:31,208 --> 00:38:33,904
- My head was spinning.
- Anyway, Barb. Good news.
695
00:38:34,078 --> 00:38:36,103
Your warts have cleared up.
696
00:38:36,414 --> 00:38:36,881
That's good to know.
697
00:38:36,881 --> 00:38:37,779
That's good to know.
698
00:38:40,017 --> 00:38:44,249
Welcome back to
"Grandma's a Hooker, So Handle lt."
699
00:38:44,422 --> 00:38:46,356
Tell me, Grandma,
as a working girl...
700
00:38:46,524 --> 00:38:48,583
- Stand by, mystery guest.
- Standing by.
701
00:38:48,759 --> 00:38:50,886
I pull down about five grand
a weekend.
702
00:38:52,897 --> 00:38:54,125
Ten if I bring a friend.
703
00:38:55,399 --> 00:38:57,299
What do you say, Kippie?
704
00:38:57,535 --> 00:38:58,866
What? Me?
705
00:38:59,170 --> 00:39:03,630
- Talent is in place and ready to go.
- Hey. How'd it go?
706
00:39:03,974 --> 00:39:07,432
- I went to third base with his ex.
- What?
707
00:39:07,611 --> 00:39:11,103
But my warts have cleared up.
She was a gynecologist!
708
00:39:11,282 --> 00:39:12,715
- Doorbell.
- Gyne...
709
00:39:12,883 --> 00:39:16,375
- Mommy, no!
- Oh, shut up!
710
00:39:16,554 --> 00:39:18,385
Ira. Can you...?
711
00:39:20,358 --> 00:39:22,588
A gynecologist? Yikes.
712
00:39:22,760 --> 00:39:25,661
"Yikes" does not even begin
to describe what I experienced.
713
00:39:25,830 --> 00:39:28,492
- Here's your chance. Don't screw up.
- Turkey sausage.
714
00:39:29,467 --> 00:39:33,767
She's an absolute freak of nature.
She's got to be, like, what, 26, 27?
715
00:39:33,938 --> 00:39:36,429
She's publishing books.
She's practicing medicine.
716
00:39:36,607 --> 00:39:39,576
And there's like a zillion pictures
of her in her office.
717
00:39:39,744 --> 00:39:41,769
- Just her. Alone.
- Yeah.
718
00:39:41,946 --> 00:39:45,473
And let's not forget the little vitamin
company that's just taken off.
719
00:39:45,649 --> 00:39:47,879
- Look at the positive side.
- Which is?
720
00:39:48,052 --> 00:39:52,546
He's attracted to extraordinary women.
Beautiful. Talented.
721
00:39:52,723 --> 00:39:54,714
Which is why he's with you now.
722
00:39:54,892 --> 00:39:58,123
The only salient information
you need to know is, did he cheat?
723
00:39:58,763 --> 00:40:02,529
What? No.
She was more in love with herself.
724
00:40:02,700 --> 00:40:05,669
- This is good news.
- Yeah.
725
00:40:06,370 --> 00:40:07,735
Yeah.
726
00:40:08,172 --> 00:40:11,505
It's just that he saw her
a few weeks ago.
727
00:40:11,776 --> 00:40:14,142
They picnicked, which is totally fine.
728
00:40:14,512 --> 00:40:17,538
He's completely free
to picnic with whomever.
729
00:40:18,549 --> 00:40:21,848
- But why wouldn't he mention it?
- Maybe...
730
00:40:23,888 --> 00:40:26,015
- He forgot?
- Maybe.
731
00:40:26,190 --> 00:40:27,953
- Yeah. Okay.
- Who put those damn K's...
732
00:40:28,125 --> 00:40:29,319
... all over the cue cards?
733
00:40:29,760 --> 00:40:32,957
Bob, slow down.
You're rocking the Palm.
734
00:40:34,465 --> 00:40:36,558
- You are so busted.
- What?
735
00:40:36,734 --> 00:40:41,228
You're out with a guy. Two-foot-six.
Loves the lips. Farts a lot.
736
00:40:41,405 --> 00:40:44,374
- You giving him a nice walk?
- Oh, well, actually...
737
00:40:44,542 --> 00:40:47,238
...he's giving me one.
- Honey, don't let him do that.
738
00:40:47,411 --> 00:40:49,743
Oh! Course not! No!
739
00:40:51,549 --> 00:40:55,417
- I feel like we haven't spoken all week.
- I feel like we haven't spoken ever.
740
00:40:55,586 --> 00:40:57,178
Bob, slow down.
741
00:40:57,688 --> 00:40:59,883
I've been kind of busy here,
you know?
742
00:41:00,057 --> 00:41:02,548
Bob. Bob. Bob! Bob!
743
00:41:03,027 --> 00:41:05,723
No! We don't live here, Bob!
744
00:41:06,263 --> 00:41:07,924
Come on! No!
745
00:41:10,468 --> 00:41:11,901
Keyes.
746
00:41:13,704 --> 00:41:18,698
Keyes?
As in "Keyes to Your Vagina," Bob?
747
00:41:18,876 --> 00:41:21,470
- Traitor.
- Stace? What's going on?
748
00:41:21,645 --> 00:41:26,742
- Who you talking to?
- Honey, you're not gonna believe this.
749
00:41:27,218 --> 00:41:28,879
You wanna hear something funny?
750
00:41:29,053 --> 00:41:31,578
Bob just dragged me up the steps
of a brownstone...
751
00:41:31,755 --> 00:41:34,155
...a few blocks away from you.
- Who's the boss?
752
00:41:34,325 --> 00:41:36,122
On Malverne.
753
00:41:36,293 --> 00:41:38,386
You think he has a friend
in the neighborhood?
754
00:41:38,562 --> 00:41:40,553
Dark-haired genius, about 5'4"?
755
00:41:40,731 --> 00:41:42,756
Stace, he's a dog. Okay?
756
00:41:42,933 --> 00:41:44,764
If you let him,
he'll walk all over you.
757
00:41:44,935 --> 00:41:47,563
Wonder where he learned it.
Oh! Honey, I'm sorry.
758
00:41:47,738 --> 00:41:50,138
I've gotta go.
Okay, call you from a hard line.
759
00:41:50,307 --> 00:41:53,105
- Excuse me!
- Sorry.
760
00:41:54,745 --> 00:41:56,940
- Hello?
- Who is it?
761
00:41:57,114 --> 00:41:58,604
- Hello?
- Who's there?
762
00:41:59,450 --> 00:42:01,418
Hello? Bob?
763
00:42:02,987 --> 00:42:05,854
- Bob?
- Oh, come on, man.
764
00:42:06,023 --> 00:42:09,288
- You recognize his bark?
- Stay! Sit.
765
00:42:09,460 --> 00:42:11,951
- And he did.
- I'm coming down.
766
00:42:13,230 --> 00:42:14,720
Bob, come on.
767
00:42:16,333 --> 00:42:18,062
Come on. Down here. Down here.
768
00:42:18,369 --> 00:42:20,098
I need you to be very, very quiet.
769
00:42:20,905 --> 00:42:22,133
Bob?
770
00:42:24,775 --> 00:42:29,872
As I squatted, holding the snout of
a dog in love with another woman...
771
00:42:30,047 --> 00:42:33,448
... I sadly realized I had reached
an all-time low.
772
00:42:33,617 --> 00:42:37,815
Bob! Oh, come here, sweetheart!
You little pie!
773
00:42:37,988 --> 00:42:39,683
What are you doing out there?
774
00:42:39,857 --> 00:42:43,020
Where's your daddy? Let's go call
Daddy. Come on, little pumpkin head.
775
00:42:50,834 --> 00:42:53,268
I ran out on my mani. Where is he?
776
00:42:53,437 --> 00:42:54,995
In there. With her.
777
00:42:56,273 --> 00:42:57,968
Number two.
778
00:43:02,279 --> 00:43:04,372
- Yes?
- Hi, it's Stacy Holt.
779
00:43:04,548 --> 00:43:07,176
- Don't use my name!
- Holtenfrau. The dog-walker.
780
00:43:07,351 --> 00:43:08,682
- I'm here for Steve.
- Bob!
781
00:43:08,852 --> 00:43:11,116
- Bob!
- Come on up. Number two.
782
00:43:22,766 --> 00:43:24,893
Did she have pictures of herself
in there?
783
00:43:25,069 --> 00:43:28,197
- She was very nice.
- Thanks. That makes me feel better.
784
00:43:28,372 --> 00:43:30,067
- It's vibrating.
- Really?
785
00:43:32,276 --> 00:43:33,800
What are you doing?
786
00:43:33,978 --> 00:43:37,004
- Give me a few minutes.
- Oh, stop that.
787
00:43:37,181 --> 00:43:38,944
This little guy could make me
very happy.
788
00:43:39,116 --> 00:43:40,777
Now you're officially scaring me.
789
00:43:40,951 --> 00:43:45,012
- Lf it turns into a pizza, I'm getting one.
- Take that thing out of your pants.
790
00:43:48,525 --> 00:43:51,858
Oh, wow. So Joyce has freckles, huh?
791
00:43:52,529 --> 00:43:54,190
- All over.
- What?
792
00:43:54,365 --> 00:43:56,230
And she's not self-conscious.
793
00:43:56,400 --> 00:44:00,097
So many women hide their bodies
these days, but not her.
794
00:44:03,607 --> 00:44:05,199
- How did you get that?
- You know...
795
00:44:05,376 --> 00:44:08,038
...that little camera thing
came on against my...
796
00:44:08,212 --> 00:44:10,407
And she... You know, there she is.
Jackpot.
797
00:44:10,581 --> 00:44:12,776
- Look at that arrow. Should I press it?
- No.
798
00:44:12,950 --> 00:44:14,645
- Why not?
- Okay. Yes.
799
00:44:17,087 --> 00:44:19,555
- Oh, my God.
- There's so many.
800
00:44:21,458 --> 00:44:25,053
I'm not doing this. I can't. It's like
going through someone's drawers.
801
00:44:25,229 --> 00:44:30,064
Hey, Stace? Would you wear a thong
in front of your boyfriend's parents?
802
00:44:30,534 --> 00:44:33,901
- Repeatedly?
- My boyfriend's parents?
803
00:44:37,041 --> 00:44:39,475
"Mom, Dad, Joyce. Hawaii, '99"?
804
00:44:39,643 --> 00:44:41,440
He doesn't bring girls home, huh?
805
00:44:42,179 --> 00:44:45,512
Oh, look. Christmas, '98.
They went to Aspen.
806
00:44:46,116 --> 00:44:47,447
I can't believe this.
807
00:44:47,618 --> 00:44:51,179
He could have a sister named Joyce,
who he French kisses.
808
00:44:51,355 --> 00:44:52,754
And licks.
809
00:44:53,857 --> 00:44:55,848
Dare you to press the next arrow.
810
00:44:56,860 --> 00:44:58,555
- Shit.
- How bad?
811
00:44:58,729 --> 00:45:00,128
- Shit!
- Pornographic?
812
00:45:00,297 --> 00:45:01,628
It's out of power.
813
00:45:01,799 --> 00:45:04,529
- Where are we going?
- Gonna put this baby in a cradle.
814
00:45:04,702 --> 00:45:06,363
- Come on.
- Okay.
815
00:45:06,603 --> 00:45:08,127
Hurry up, Bob!
816
00:45:16,747 --> 00:45:18,476
I'll be right back.
817
00:45:23,220 --> 00:45:25,120
All systems go!
818
00:45:25,923 --> 00:45:27,151
Okay!
819
00:45:37,868 --> 00:45:39,165
I know.
820
00:45:40,070 --> 00:45:41,435
Because you can.
821
00:45:48,178 --> 00:45:51,545
Would I like to sync? Kinky.
822
00:45:55,986 --> 00:45:57,920
Entertainment. Absolument.
823
00:46:01,024 --> 00:46:03,322
Here's the thing... No.
824
00:46:05,095 --> 00:46:07,962
- No. You'll thank me.
- I know.
825
00:46:10,067 --> 00:46:11,364
Jesus.
826
00:46:11,668 --> 00:46:16,765
Wow. Presenting Joyce Moore
and her cheesy music.
827
00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:19,668
Make it stop. Barbara...
828
00:46:20,043 --> 00:46:22,307
- Trying. Trying.
- Please make it stop.
829
00:46:24,782 --> 00:46:26,716
Oh, great. Now it's frozen.
830
00:46:26,884 --> 00:46:29,250
- Hey, if you can do better...
- Later.
831
00:46:29,620 --> 00:46:31,918
Listen. Here's the thing.
832
00:46:32,156 --> 00:46:34,181
If you're happy
with what you know...
833
00:46:34,358 --> 00:46:37,191
...do you deserve explanation
about what you don't?
834
00:46:38,061 --> 00:46:41,519
I mean, hypothetically, you are
in this great relationship with Neil.
835
00:46:41,698 --> 00:46:44,929
- That's his name, right?
- It wasn't a good relationship with Neil.
836
00:46:45,102 --> 00:46:49,232
Hypothetically.
You get married. You have kids.
837
00:46:49,406 --> 00:46:53,240
You're totally and completely fulfilled.
Then Neil dies.
838
00:46:53,410 --> 00:46:57,210
- Where's that dial tone coming from?
- I don't know. Does he die tragically?
839
00:46:57,381 --> 00:47:00,908
Okay. Then you find out he cheated.
That he had this whole other life.
840
00:47:01,084 --> 00:47:03,780
Now, does that detract
from what you two had together?
841
00:47:03,954 --> 00:47:05,581
- Does it make it all a lie?
- Yes.
842
00:47:05,956 --> 00:47:09,790
- Why?
- Because omissions are betrayals.
843
00:47:10,928 --> 00:47:14,955
- Omissions are...
- Betrayals. They are betrayals.
844
00:47:16,633 --> 00:47:18,533
- Is that your cell?
- Mine whistles.
845
00:47:18,702 --> 00:47:22,263
Hey, there. It's Joyce Moore.
Do the deed after the beep.
846
00:47:23,574 --> 00:47:26,099
What? The computer called Joyce?
847
00:47:26,743 --> 00:47:30,008
- What did you do?
- Nothing! I was standing over here.
848
00:47:30,714 --> 00:47:34,241
Hey, you got Derek's machine. You
know what to do and when to do it.
849
00:47:34,985 --> 00:47:38,546
Derek, you there? It's Joyce.
My caller ID said you just phoned.
850
00:47:38,722 --> 00:47:42,317
Why did you hang up? I've been
waiting for you to call since last week.
851
00:47:42,492 --> 00:47:44,790
- What?
- Okay. Give me a holler.
852
00:47:44,962 --> 00:47:50,923
If I'm not home, try my cell. By the way,
everyone loved your joke. Bye.
853
00:47:51,101 --> 00:47:52,568
His joke?
854
00:47:52,970 --> 00:47:54,597
What joke?
855
00:47:55,405 --> 00:47:58,465
Derek doesn't joke.
Nobody thinks he's funny.
856
00:47:58,642 --> 00:48:00,610
He's not funny.
What does this mean?
857
00:48:00,777 --> 00:48:02,972
I think it means she's not history.
858
00:48:04,648 --> 00:48:06,081
Is it always like this here?
859
00:48:06,250 --> 00:48:09,686
Hey, you got Derek's machine. You
know what to do and when to do it.
860
00:48:10,454 --> 00:48:14,083
It's Derek. He's checking the
messages. He's going to hear Joyce.
861
00:48:14,258 --> 00:48:19,821
- Erase it! Smash it! Do something!
- How? What am I going to do?
862
00:48:19,997 --> 00:48:23,262
Kill it.
Okay. Okay!
863
00:48:26,236 --> 00:48:27,828
Derek...
864
00:48:30,540 --> 00:48:32,132
- Good! There!
- Yeah!
865
00:48:38,282 --> 00:48:39,510
What?
866
00:48:40,183 --> 00:48:44,449
I've just smashed an answering
machine with a hockey stick.
867
00:48:44,621 --> 00:48:46,054
Damn proud of you!
868
00:48:46,223 --> 00:48:49,454
There were numbers on that machine
that he needed, and I...
869
00:48:49,726 --> 00:48:53,184
I've just smashed it.
I smashed the hell out of it.
870
00:48:54,131 --> 00:48:55,792
God's punishing me.
871
00:48:56,333 --> 00:48:59,131
I hear you, God. You can stop now.
872
00:49:02,706 --> 00:49:04,298
What has happened to me?
873
00:49:05,242 --> 00:49:09,144
- You've discovered truth.
- I've discovered a whole other reality.
874
00:49:09,313 --> 00:49:13,306
They all talk. Dr. Keyes and Derek.
Joyce and Derek?
875
00:49:13,483 --> 00:49:17,613
Maybe they all talk to each other.
Maybe it's just me they don't talk to.
876
00:49:17,788 --> 00:49:20,313
Bottom line is, he's withheld.
877
00:49:20,490 --> 00:49:22,924
- I'm gonna find out what's going on.
- Good!
878
00:49:23,093 --> 00:49:25,584
- Why she was waiting for his call.
- Good question.
879
00:49:25,762 --> 00:49:28,697
- Lf he still sees her, why don't I know?
- Better question.
880
00:49:28,865 --> 00:49:32,392
And if he has nothing to hide,
why hide these old relationships?
881
00:49:32,569 --> 00:49:36,471
- Want me to write these down for you?
- So I guess I need to know...
882
00:49:37,207 --> 00:49:39,107
...what I don't know.
883
00:49:40,310 --> 00:49:41,937
I just need to.
884
00:49:44,948 --> 00:49:47,280
Hi. Joyce Moore?
885
00:49:48,018 --> 00:49:50,077
I'm sorry to call so late.
886
00:49:50,253 --> 00:49:54,087
This is Barb Campbell-hyphen-Dunn
from the Kippie Kann show.
887
00:49:54,257 --> 00:49:57,784
We're doing a segment on chefs
and we'd love to talk to you.
888
00:49:57,961 --> 00:50:00,020
No, I'm not kidding.
889
00:50:00,197 --> 00:50:03,462
Okay. So I'll call tomorrow,
and we'll set something up.
890
00:50:03,633 --> 00:50:06,830
I'd love to talk to you. Bye-bye.
891
00:50:53,083 --> 00:50:53,617
- I'll have a double espresso latte...
- Sorry. No.
892
00:50:53,617 --> 00:50:55,744
- I'll have a double espresso latte...
- Sorry. No.
893
00:50:55,919 --> 00:50:57,944
- What?
- I live in a basement apartment...
894
00:50:58,121 --> 00:51:01,955
...on Malverne. You were hiding in my
doorway last night, smothering a dog.
895
00:51:02,359 --> 00:51:05,556
I was not smothering him.
It's a little game we play.
896
00:51:05,729 --> 00:51:07,526
Double espresso, please.
897
00:51:07,697 --> 00:51:09,358
You already scare people.
898
00:51:09,866 --> 00:51:13,597
- More caffeine will make you a freak.
- Are you trying to upset me?
899
00:51:13,937 --> 00:51:15,598
If I do,
you gonna hold my snout?
900
00:51:15,772 --> 00:51:18,263
I'll get the latte and
you get a chai iced tea.
901
00:51:18,942 --> 00:51:20,933
- We'll switch after.
- Thanks.
902
00:51:21,111 --> 00:51:22,840
I heard that.
903
00:51:23,046 --> 00:51:25,514
Joyce. Hi.
904
00:51:25,849 --> 00:51:29,080
Hi. You're Barb.
How did you know it was me?
905
00:51:29,252 --> 00:51:30,879
Lucky guess.
906
00:51:32,222 --> 00:51:33,553
I'll be watching.
907
00:51:35,659 --> 00:51:38,355
You're a jokester. Yeah.
908
00:51:38,528 --> 00:51:41,895
We have this little thing.
909
00:51:42,732 --> 00:51:47,192
So I've heard amazing things
about you, about the Kaleidoscope.
910
00:51:47,370 --> 00:51:50,669
- From?
- People! Who've been there.
911
00:51:50,841 --> 00:51:53,469
Who know your work.
You have a fan base.
912
00:51:53,643 --> 00:51:57,101
- I'm only on two nights a week.
- Quality, not quantity.
913
00:51:57,280 --> 00:51:59,805
Yes. So tell me about the show.
914
00:51:59,983 --> 00:52:03,043
I haven't watched much, but doesn't
Kippie Kann do more of the...
915
00:52:03,220 --> 00:52:06,986
..."My Wife Slept With My Sister"...?
- "And My Dad."
916
00:52:09,226 --> 00:52:11,387
No, we're trying to revamp
the show right now.
917
00:52:11,695 --> 00:52:14,357
So I pitched this idea,
which is this cook-off.
918
00:52:14,531 --> 00:52:17,967
This is its research stage, where
I pretend that I'm Diane Sawyer...
919
00:52:18,135 --> 00:52:20,569
...asking brilliant questions
while looking chic.
920
00:52:20,871 --> 00:52:23,704
That's funny. You know,
she was in the restaurant last week.
921
00:52:23,874 --> 00:52:25,466
Do you want your latte?
922
00:52:26,109 --> 00:52:28,942
- No. Who was?
- Diane Sawyer.
923
00:52:29,112 --> 00:52:31,171
She was here? In Jersey?
924
00:52:31,348 --> 00:52:33,976
Yeah. The night manager
knows her field producer...
925
00:52:34,151 --> 00:52:37,609
...so they all came in
for this big dinner. She's really nice.
926
00:52:38,121 --> 00:52:40,180
She is?
927
00:52:41,258 --> 00:52:43,556
I've wanted to meet her
my whole entire life.
928
00:52:43,727 --> 00:52:46,787
Then you will.
I believe in destiny, don't you?
929
00:52:47,063 --> 00:52:48,394
I do.
930
00:52:49,900 --> 00:52:52,630
Excuse me.
Coming. Coming. Coming.
931
00:52:53,436 --> 00:52:55,563
- Hey.
- Kipp!
932
00:52:55,739 --> 00:52:58,936
- I'm just in the middle of an interview.
- Okay, yeah, I'm sorry.
933
00:52:59,276 --> 00:53:01,301
Listen, real quick then.
934
00:53:01,478 --> 00:53:03,912
My machine at home is screwed up.
I need numbers.
935
00:53:04,080 --> 00:53:05,672
- Do you know where my Palm is?
- Yep.
936
00:53:05,849 --> 00:53:07,749
That's great. Okay, I need to get...
937
00:53:07,918 --> 00:53:09,715
Could you look up Rafalsky...
938
00:53:13,256 --> 00:53:14,883
- Stace?
- Yeah, yeah.
939
00:53:15,058 --> 00:53:19,051
Can I borrow a pen and a piece of...?
Thank you.
940
00:53:19,963 --> 00:53:21,897
- Thanks.
- Rafalsky.
941
00:53:22,432 --> 00:53:24,900
- Rafalsky.
- And Langenbrunner.
942
00:53:25,068 --> 00:53:28,504
And Langenbrunner.
943
00:53:29,539 --> 00:53:31,234
- Is that it?
- That's it.
944
00:53:31,408 --> 00:53:33,842
- I love you.
- I love you!
945
00:53:34,844 --> 00:53:36,971
- You too, Kipp.
- Oh, hey, listen.
946
00:53:37,147 --> 00:53:39,274
Before I forget,
the password is "Bob."
947
00:53:39,449 --> 00:53:41,747
- Gotcha.
- All right. Bye.
948
00:53:41,918 --> 00:53:44,512
- Okay, then.
- Can I ask you something...
949
00:53:44,688 --> 00:53:48,021
...totally none of my business?
Were you just talking to Kippie Kann...
950
00:53:48,191 --> 00:53:50,819
...about Jamie Langenbrunner
and Brian Rafalsky?
951
00:53:50,994 --> 00:53:52,928
- You know them?
- I wish.
952
00:53:53,096 --> 00:53:55,496
I am the biggest hockey nut
this side of Newark.
953
00:53:57,334 --> 00:53:59,461
We're trying to book
them on the show.
954
00:53:59,636 --> 00:54:02,833
We're doing a whole recruiting
segment. I'm their hockey gal.
955
00:54:03,006 --> 00:54:07,067
You should meet my ex. He's a scout
for the Devils. Give me your Palm.
956
00:54:07,244 --> 00:54:09,303
- It's frozen.
- I can fix it.
957
00:54:09,479 --> 00:54:12,039
No, that's so sweet, but thank you.
958
00:54:12,282 --> 00:54:15,513
Okay, well, why don't you
just hold down the power button.
959
00:54:15,685 --> 00:54:17,084
Go ahead.
960
00:54:17,621 --> 00:54:19,088
Power button?
961
00:54:20,257 --> 00:54:21,986
And you should hear a...
962
00:54:23,827 --> 00:54:26,591
- And, fingers crossed...
- Fingers crossed.
963
00:54:26,763 --> 00:54:28,731
...it will reset.
964
00:54:29,199 --> 00:54:30,564
Okay.
965
00:54:32,869 --> 00:54:34,700
I cannot believe it.
966
00:54:37,774 --> 00:54:39,742
- I can explain.
- You have I Spy.
967
00:54:39,909 --> 00:54:42,571
That's a brand-new program.
Do you mind?
968
00:54:42,746 --> 00:54:46,307
- Having I Spy? No, I don't mind.
- Do you mind beaming it to me?
969
00:54:46,483 --> 00:54:51,250
Here, I can... You want me to
show you there? Just take this.
970
00:54:52,455 --> 00:54:53,683
And...
971
00:54:55,091 --> 00:54:57,082
...voilą!
- Voilą what?
972
00:54:57,260 --> 00:55:00,286
- Voilą, now I've got it.
- But it's his... Mine.
973
00:55:00,463 --> 00:55:03,955
- I want it back. Please?
- No. We both have it.
974
00:55:04,134 --> 00:55:05,999
You have one, and I have its twin.
975
00:55:08,805 --> 00:55:12,536
- You've never done it before.
- Virgin. Damn proud of it.
976
00:55:14,411 --> 00:55:15,673
You're funny.
977
00:55:15,912 --> 00:55:19,404
So I work next Wednesday.
Why don't you come by for dinner?
978
00:55:19,582 --> 00:55:22,551
I will wow you
with my chicken paillard.
979
00:55:23,586 --> 00:55:27,989
How could I refuse?
She had an ease, an openness...
980
00:55:28,158 --> 00:55:31,355
... and the answers.
She had the answers.
981
00:55:31,528 --> 00:55:31,661
Party!
982
00:55:31,661 --> 00:55:32,787
Party!
983
00:55:38,535 --> 00:55:41,060
Kippie! Watch it, here! Watch it!
984
00:55:43,239 --> 00:55:46,640
- Cut it! Phil, cut it!
- Cut it. Reset.
985
00:55:46,810 --> 00:55:48,903
Oh, God, she's coming up.
She's coming up.
986
00:55:49,079 --> 00:55:50,774
- Count to 10.
- Katie!
987
00:55:50,947 --> 00:55:53,438
- Take it easy.
- Okay!
988
00:55:54,951 --> 00:55:56,578
She's coming!
989
00:55:56,920 --> 00:55:59,354
- Seven, eight, nine...
- Carl!
990
00:55:59,522 --> 00:56:02,150
What? You were fantastic.
991
00:56:02,392 --> 00:56:06,226
- That was very emotional. Phil?
- Yeah. I teared up.
992
00:56:06,396 --> 00:56:09,331
Trust me. No one does midgets
like Kippie. Like you.
993
00:56:09,499 --> 00:56:12,332
But everyone does them!
Don't you get it?
994
00:56:12,502 --> 00:56:16,097
- I want something fresh, original...
- It was his idea.
995
00:56:16,272 --> 00:56:19,105
- Ira?
- Now she remembers my name.
996
00:56:19,275 --> 00:56:20,970
Get the midgets out of here.
997
00:56:21,144 --> 00:56:22,907
Here comes the numbers speech.
998
00:56:23,079 --> 00:56:25,673
Can you be midget-wrangler today?
999
00:56:25,849 --> 00:56:29,012
My numbers go up,
your numbers go up.
1000
00:56:30,620 --> 00:56:33,589
My success is your success.
1001
00:56:33,823 --> 00:56:35,518
Jerry Maguire.
1002
00:56:36,126 --> 00:56:38,321
Help Kippie help you!
1003
00:56:38,762 --> 00:56:42,493
That was very moving. I think
we should all take a moment to...
1004
00:56:42,665 --> 00:56:45,896
- Places! Miserable midgets.
- Moment's up!
1005
00:56:46,069 --> 00:56:49,937
- Places! Stand by, intro.
- We're back in one.
1006
00:56:50,106 --> 00:56:52,506
- We are just about ready.
- Phil, we're reset.
1007
00:56:52,842 --> 00:56:54,503
Okay, stand by, Kippie.
1008
00:56:54,677 --> 00:56:57,646
"Kippie's Kute Kouplings Kontinues."
1009
00:57:01,451 --> 00:57:04,011
Bob, I want you to move in
really tight.
1010
00:57:04,621 --> 00:57:07,522
Tighter, tighter, tighter,
till I tell you to stop.
1011
00:57:07,857 --> 00:57:09,882
Yeah. Right there.
1012
00:57:10,059 --> 00:57:15,361
We have a collection of cute couples
to clear things up. I can't believe this.
1013
00:57:18,234 --> 00:57:19,758
What are you so worried about?
1014
00:57:19,936 --> 00:57:21,836
Do you think my idea is good?
1015
00:57:22,005 --> 00:57:24,439
- I mean, enough?
- For the live show? Absolutely.
1016
00:57:24,607 --> 00:57:26,905
I'm convinced
they're going to give it to you.
1017
00:57:28,077 --> 00:57:32,036
- Why? What do you know?
- Not much. It's just, after staff...
1018
00:57:32,215 --> 00:57:33,682
- When?
- Monday.
1019
00:57:33,850 --> 00:57:36,341
- Today's the big day!
- I know!
1020
00:57:36,586 --> 00:57:38,679
- Go on.
- I overheard them.
1021
00:57:38,855 --> 00:57:40,186
Pardon me? Who, who?
1022
00:57:40,356 --> 00:57:43,792
- Barb, Carl, Kippie.
- Kippie? Kippie? Kippie's there?
1023
00:57:43,960 --> 00:57:45,928
- Yes.
- Continue.
1024
00:57:46,095 --> 00:57:50,054
Well, they thought your
"Little Black Book" idea was great.
1025
00:57:50,600 --> 00:57:54,661
They're right.
I mean, it's my time.
1026
00:57:55,738 --> 00:57:58,536
I put in the work.
I'm next up for promotion.
1027
00:57:58,708 --> 00:58:01,370
- It only makes sense.
- It only makes sense.
1028
00:58:02,679 --> 00:58:06,581
Little black books. Little black books.
Little black books.
1029
00:58:06,749 --> 00:58:10,048
This season's live show will be...
1030
00:58:12,355 --> 00:58:15,552
..."Plastic Surgery Nightmares."
Congratulations, Barb.
1031
00:58:15,725 --> 00:58:17,693
Our newest producer.
1032
00:58:17,927 --> 00:58:20,760
- Way to go, girl!
- Good one.
1033
00:58:22,332 --> 00:58:24,857
Now, people. People, people!
1034
00:58:25,034 --> 00:58:28,470
Since we are live, I'm expecting
everybody to pitch in, right?
1035
00:58:28,638 --> 00:58:29,900
Right. Now that's a wrap.
1036
00:58:30,807 --> 00:58:32,399
Too bad, Ira.
1037
00:58:42,185 --> 00:58:45,279
Sorry, Ira. Maybe next sweeps?
1038
00:58:45,822 --> 00:58:47,585
Sweet.
1039
00:58:48,057 --> 00:58:50,184
Naive, but sweet.
1040
00:58:52,395 --> 00:58:53,623
You wanna go to dinner?
1041
00:58:53,796 --> 00:58:56,822
Can't. I'm on the committee
for the Kippie Kann Kan Drive...
1042
00:58:57,000 --> 00:59:00,595
...Kippie Kares for Kids Koalition.
Catch you later.
1043
00:59:04,440 --> 00:59:07,739
- Is he okay?
- He's trying to be.
1044
00:59:08,478 --> 00:59:10,810
How about you? Urban legend.
1045
00:59:11,648 --> 00:59:14,583
- You said APs never get the live show.
- What do I know?
1046
00:59:14,751 --> 00:59:17,413
Come with me.
I've got a surprise for you.
1047
00:59:18,187 --> 00:59:20,155
Carl, here she is.
1048
00:59:22,659 --> 00:59:26,459
Stacy, Kippie liked your idea too.
1049
00:59:28,264 --> 00:59:31,631
For the tri-state cook-off!
So if you could ask...
1050
00:59:31,801 --> 00:59:33,098
- What's her name?
- Joyce.
1051
00:59:33,269 --> 00:59:35,567
- Lf we could have it at the...
- Kaleidoscope Kitchen.
1052
00:59:35,738 --> 00:59:37,933
Oh, love the K's.
And Kippie loves cook-offs...
1053
00:59:38,107 --> 00:59:41,042
...so you get those pre-interviews in.
Barb, you co-pilot.
1054
00:59:41,210 --> 00:59:42,677
- Katie.
- Carl.
1055
00:59:44,080 --> 00:59:47,481
- Was he saying...? Are you saying...?
- Congratulations.
1056
00:59:48,451 --> 00:59:50,442
My first show!
1057
00:59:50,620 --> 00:59:52,952
I mean, it's not a done deal
or anything, but...
1058
00:59:53,122 --> 00:59:55,886
At least I'll have something
legitimate to offer Joyce.
1059
00:59:56,059 --> 00:59:59,654
This is perfect. It's perfect!
Thank you.
1060
01:00:01,798 --> 01:00:04,665
- I'm sorry.
- That's okay. It's fine. I'm smiling.
1061
01:00:07,403 --> 01:00:10,964
Now Joyce could bake her cake,
and the audience could eat it too.
1062
01:00:11,307 --> 01:00:14,276
Get that out to table four.
Make sure they still have wine.
1063
01:00:15,578 --> 01:00:20,606
Which somehow made me feel a little
less like the lying scumbag that I was.
1064
01:00:20,783 --> 01:00:22,978
And voilą!
1065
01:00:25,188 --> 01:00:27,713
- And this is for dessert.
- What?
1066
01:00:28,391 --> 01:00:30,120
What did you do?
1067
01:00:33,162 --> 01:00:34,493
Joyce.
1068
01:00:35,064 --> 01:00:38,431
- Open it!
- "To Barb, I can't wait...
1069
01:00:38,601 --> 01:00:41,263
Love, Diane."
I can't believe you!
1070
01:00:41,437 --> 01:00:44,406
The night manager got it for you.
It's just a little thing.
1071
01:00:44,574 --> 01:00:45,939
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
1072
01:00:46,109 --> 01:00:48,577
- Table 24 left this for you.
- Thank you, Gordon.
1073
01:00:48,745 --> 01:00:52,306
- It's Pat Burns.
- Head coach for the New Jersey Devils.
1074
01:00:52,482 --> 01:00:55,042
Right, I forgot.
You're the hockey gal.
1075
01:00:55,918 --> 01:00:58,079
Oh, my God.
1076
01:00:59,188 --> 01:01:02,817
Tickets for the playoffs?
You're beloved.
1077
01:01:03,026 --> 01:01:06,086
Come with me. They're for
tomorrow night. I mean, if you can.
1078
01:01:06,262 --> 01:01:09,322
These are tickets for the Stanley Cup.
You're a crazy girl.
1079
01:01:10,566 --> 01:01:14,093
Well, I don't know anyone else
who likes hockey.
1080
01:01:14,270 --> 01:01:16,932
Except my little brother,
and I'd rather go with you.
1081
01:01:18,241 --> 01:01:21,904
- And Derek will be there.
- I'm... Who?
1082
01:01:22,311 --> 01:01:23,608
My ex.
1083
01:01:23,780 --> 01:01:26,078
I told you about him.
He works for the Devils.
1084
01:01:26,249 --> 01:01:29,412
We'll meet him after the game
for a drink. It's a ritual.
1085
01:01:29,585 --> 01:01:31,382
Oh, really?
1086
01:01:33,756 --> 01:01:35,485
The beautiful people have arrived.
1087
01:01:35,658 --> 01:01:38,786
They come every
Wednesday night to be seen.
1088
01:01:41,397 --> 01:01:44,764
I better call the manager and make
sure the camera crew is cleared.
1089
01:01:44,934 --> 01:01:47,368
So we're on? Great.
Call me. You have my number?
1090
01:01:47,537 --> 01:01:49,027
- Yep.
- Okay, good.
1091
01:01:49,205 --> 01:01:51,799
Those are Manolos, you clumsy...
1092
01:01:52,442 --> 01:01:53,670
Joyce.
1093
01:01:53,843 --> 01:01:56,403
If I were you,
I wouldn't finish that statement.
1094
01:01:58,147 --> 01:01:59,978
Stacy?
1095
01:02:00,750 --> 01:02:02,513
Lulu!
1096
01:02:02,952 --> 01:02:06,149
Get a shot of us.
She produces the Kippie Kann show.
1097
01:02:06,322 --> 01:02:09,291
- Why is she calling you Stacy, Barb?
- That's her name.
1098
01:02:09,459 --> 01:02:12,257
No, actually, my name is Barb.
1099
01:02:12,562 --> 01:02:15,292
The other woman
you met's name is Stacy.
1100
01:02:15,465 --> 01:02:16,762
- No?
- Yes.
1101
01:02:16,933 --> 01:02:18,730
- She was Barb.
- No.
1102
01:02:19,368 --> 01:02:20,926
No... What?
1103
01:02:21,104 --> 01:02:25,040
- Enjoy your meal.
- Join us, Stacy-Barb?
1104
01:02:27,677 --> 01:02:29,542
Okay, Phillip.
Bring your camera.
1105
01:02:29,712 --> 01:02:31,976
How do you know her?
1106
01:02:33,416 --> 01:02:37,182
- We did a show last year on bulimia.
- Oh, why am I not surprised?
1107
01:02:37,353 --> 01:02:39,787
She does make you
wanna throw up. Or at least me.
1108
01:02:39,956 --> 01:02:42,823
- Sorry, I don't really like her, I guess.
- "I guess"?
1109
01:02:43,960 --> 01:02:49,227
She used to hang out with my brother,
and I sort of took her under my wing...
1110
01:02:49,398 --> 01:02:52,390
...until she took Derek
from under mine.
1111
01:02:52,568 --> 01:02:56,334
- He cheated on you with her?
- No, we had split up.
1112
01:02:56,506 --> 01:02:59,441
But one day we're talking
about getting married...
1113
01:02:59,609 --> 01:03:02,601
...and the next day
we're dating other people.
1114
01:03:02,779 --> 01:03:04,303
Taking space.
1115
01:03:04,480 --> 01:03:06,744
God, I hate that expression,
don't you?
1116
01:03:06,916 --> 01:03:08,349
Hate it. So then?
1117
01:03:08,518 --> 01:03:12,215
So then he starts talking to Lulu,
who totally knows the score.
1118
01:03:12,388 --> 01:03:15,721
And then she advises me
to see other people.
1119
01:03:15,892 --> 01:03:18,759
- Hideous.
- And she meant nothing to him.
1120
01:03:18,928 --> 01:03:22,091
She was a fling. I mean,
he wanted us to get back together.
1121
01:03:22,265 --> 01:03:26,201
But, in a way,
we're just closer being friends.
1122
01:03:26,369 --> 01:03:28,394
You are? Good. You are.
1123
01:03:28,571 --> 01:03:32,667
We are, and if not,
there's always the boomerangs.
1124
01:03:33,109 --> 01:03:35,270
- The boomerangs.
- Yeah. You know the kind.
1125
01:03:35,444 --> 01:03:38,038
You throw them out there
into the world...
1126
01:03:38,214 --> 01:03:40,682
- And they always come back to you.
- Yeah, that's right.
1127
01:03:40,850 --> 01:03:45,719
He bought us each one, and we
promised never to throw them away.
1128
01:03:45,888 --> 01:03:51,827
So no matter what happened,
if we needed to, or wanted to...
1129
01:03:52,161 --> 01:03:56,188
...then we could still end up...
- Together.
1130
01:03:59,435 --> 01:04:02,131
Anyway, whatever.
1131
01:04:02,638 --> 01:04:04,799
Why were we talking about this?
1132
01:04:05,308 --> 01:04:08,175
You know, he probably
wouldn't even remember the story...
1133
01:04:08,344 --> 01:04:11,973
...never mind the boomerangs, and
then there's me, the romantic sap...
1134
01:04:12,148 --> 01:04:16,551
...who still has hers
framed in the bedroom.
1135
01:04:19,222 --> 01:04:20,450
How stupid is that?
1136
01:04:22,191 --> 01:04:23,783
Not stupid.
1137
01:04:23,960 --> 01:04:25,825
It's just a waste of energy.
1138
01:04:25,995 --> 01:04:29,089
There's so many other
interesting guys out there for you.
1139
01:04:29,265 --> 01:04:32,723
Joyce, you're gonna meet
the right person. Watch.
1140
01:04:32,902 --> 01:04:35,427
Or I could end up with Derek.
1141
01:04:37,073 --> 01:04:38,870
Wouldn't that be funny?
1142
01:04:39,575 --> 01:04:42,544
Right now I'm not rushing
into anything or anyone.
1143
01:04:42,712 --> 01:04:46,011
Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice...
1144
01:04:46,182 --> 01:04:48,309
- Shame on me.
- Exactly.
1145
01:04:48,484 --> 01:04:51,920
Something about the way she
believed she might get him back...
1146
01:04:52,255 --> 01:04:54,052
... made me believe it too.
1147
01:05:44,941 --> 01:05:46,499
Thanks, pal.
1148
01:06:24,046 --> 01:06:25,274
Hey!
1149
01:06:26,082 --> 01:06:27,310
I'm home!
1150
01:06:27,483 --> 01:06:29,212
Hey, Bob. How you doing?
1151
01:06:29,385 --> 01:06:32,252
Come here, buddy. Come here.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
1152
01:06:32,421 --> 01:06:35,447
- Hey.
- Hey. I heard you from downstairs.
1153
01:06:35,624 --> 01:06:37,455
- You did?
- Yeah.
1154
01:06:37,626 --> 01:06:38,957
Yikes. Was I that loud?
1155
01:06:39,128 --> 01:06:42,325
No, you sounded great.
Kind of sad, though. Everything okay?
1156
01:06:42,498 --> 01:06:46,594
Yeah. You know,
work issues, but I'm fine.
1157
01:06:47,503 --> 01:06:50,472
- You're home early.
- You say that like that's a bad thing.
1158
01:06:50,639 --> 01:06:52,334
No! No, no, no.
1159
01:06:52,875 --> 01:06:54,866
I just didn't expect you, that's all.
1160
01:07:01,784 --> 01:07:04,014
What happened to the other guy?
1161
01:07:04,186 --> 01:07:05,517
A mouse.
1162
01:07:06,956 --> 01:07:08,719
- A mouse did this?
- Yeah.
1163
01:07:11,260 --> 01:07:16,698
There was a mouse, and,
you know, Bob freaked...
1164
01:07:16,999 --> 01:07:19,058
...and forget about it.
- A mouse scared Bob?
1165
01:07:19,235 --> 01:07:21,567
Went crazy. You wouldn't believe it.
1166
01:07:21,737 --> 01:07:24,604
He chased him onto
the answering machine...
1167
01:07:24,940 --> 01:07:29,377
...where the mouse just, like,
taunted and taunted Bob.
1168
01:07:29,545 --> 01:07:32,742
So I ran and I got your stick,
your hockey stick...
1169
01:07:32,915 --> 01:07:34,405
...and I just smashed it.
1170
01:07:34,917 --> 01:07:36,544
- You smashed a mouse?
- Yeah.
1171
01:07:37,920 --> 01:07:40,411
No, like I would smash a mouse.
1172
01:07:40,923 --> 01:07:43,414
He got away, but I scared him good.
1173
01:07:43,592 --> 01:07:45,321
I don't think
he'll be coming back.
1174
01:07:45,494 --> 01:07:49,294
- He carry my box down too?
- That's very funny.
1175
01:07:49,999 --> 01:07:51,796
No, I did.
1176
01:07:52,301 --> 01:07:54,235
I was looking for another phone.
1177
01:07:54,437 --> 01:07:58,134
Which you found, in a closed
box marked "personal stuff."
1178
01:07:58,641 --> 01:08:02,577
No offense, Derek, but you're
not exactly Mr. Organized.
1179
01:08:02,945 --> 01:08:04,674
- You're a mess.
- All right, all right.
1180
01:08:04,847 --> 01:08:07,441
Don't go criticizing homie.
Homie just got home.
1181
01:08:07,616 --> 01:08:10,084
- Yo, I was defending your dog, yo.
- Thank you.
1182
01:08:10,719 --> 01:08:12,482
Who gets very sad when you're away.
1183
01:08:13,255 --> 01:08:14,586
Very needy.
1184
01:08:14,757 --> 01:08:16,622
- Oh, yeah?
- He missed you.
1185
01:08:16,926 --> 01:08:20,020
- He the only one?
- No, Joyce missed you too.
1186
01:08:24,633 --> 01:08:26,692
So you wanna know
why I'm home early?
1187
01:08:26,869 --> 01:08:28,996
I'm seeing Robbie Moore's
parents tomorrow.
1188
01:08:29,638 --> 01:08:32,072
- That means you're close.
- Bringing the contract.
1189
01:08:32,441 --> 01:08:35,171
- Wait, wait. Tomorrow's the playoffs.
- Yeah.
1190
01:08:35,444 --> 01:08:36,775
- You're not gonna go?
- No.
1191
01:08:37,146 --> 01:08:40,115
If I don't close this kid tomorrow,
Terry's gonna sign him.
1192
01:08:40,282 --> 01:08:42,307
I can't miss the opportunity.
1193
01:08:42,618 --> 01:08:45,314
You know what?
I'm doing this for both of us.
1194
01:08:47,356 --> 01:08:49,051
I'm sorry, Bob. All of us.
1195
01:08:50,726 --> 01:08:53,194
I felt like a lying sack of fertilizer.
1196
01:08:53,829 --> 01:08:56,662
Knowing what I knew
and not knowing what I didn't...
1197
01:08:56,832 --> 01:09:00,359
... and knowing more than anything
that I had to know more.
1198
01:09:01,637 --> 01:09:01,871
She called all the time,
begging him, pleading, pathetic.
1199
01:09:01,871 --> 01:09:05,807
She called all the time,
begging him, pleading, pathetic.
1200
01:09:06,041 --> 01:09:10,478
He played me the messages
on the machine. They were hysterical.
1201
01:09:10,646 --> 01:09:12,546
She was desperate.
1202
01:09:12,815 --> 01:09:14,715
One angry chef, coming up.
1203
01:09:14,884 --> 01:09:16,215
I can't show her that.
1204
01:09:17,353 --> 01:09:20,049
I'd be purposely hurting a friend.
1205
01:09:20,222 --> 01:09:23,623
Knowledge is a terrible
and a marvelous thing.
1206
01:09:23,792 --> 01:09:26,226
It just depends on your perspective.
1207
01:09:26,395 --> 01:09:27,657
Think of it this way.
1208
01:09:27,997 --> 01:09:30,693
If she knew who you really were,
she'd hate you.
1209
01:09:30,900 --> 01:09:32,162
Can you blame her?
1210
01:09:33,702 --> 01:09:35,431
And, Stace?
1211
01:09:36,705 --> 01:09:38,036
She's not your friend.
1212
01:09:49,618 --> 01:09:51,882
Have fun at the game.
1213
01:10:06,035 --> 01:10:10,028
Hi, I'm sorry I'm late. I was in
the middle of a crisis with Derek.
1214
01:10:10,206 --> 01:10:11,468
I'm helping him with something.
1215
01:10:11,674 --> 01:10:14,734
Doesn't he have someone
else to help, like a girlfriend?
1216
01:10:14,910 --> 01:10:17,140
Probably a bunch. But...
1217
01:10:19,081 --> 01:10:23,882
We agreed not to discuss anyone
we date, unless one of us was serious.
1218
01:10:24,386 --> 01:10:26,513
Then we have to,
but he's not, and I'm not.
1219
01:10:26,689 --> 01:10:32,184
So why torture each other? You know,
it's just too painful for both of us.
1220
01:10:32,728 --> 01:10:34,059
Sorry, that's my cell.
1221
01:10:35,598 --> 01:10:38,965
Hello? Hey, I was just
talking about you.
1222
01:10:39,168 --> 01:10:40,157
Derek.
1223
01:10:41,904 --> 01:10:43,235
So, what happened?
1224
01:10:43,405 --> 01:10:45,737
You might think it odd
that I didn't strangle her...
1225
01:10:45,908 --> 01:10:48,206
... as I watched her flirt
and coo with my man.
1226
01:10:48,777 --> 01:10:50,768
But I didn't.
1227
01:10:51,614 --> 01:10:55,072
I was strangely drawn
to their banter.
1228
01:10:55,251 --> 01:10:57,185
Curious about this part of his life...
1229
01:10:57,353 --> 01:11:00,481
... that I had been completely
dumb to just a few days earlier.
1230
01:11:00,789 --> 01:11:02,416
They had a past.
1231
01:11:03,659 --> 01:11:06,594
- They had a present separate from me.
- They scored. Listen.
1232
01:11:07,096 --> 01:11:08,427
Can you hear?
1233
01:11:08,597 --> 01:11:13,660
She didn't know he had a girlfriend,
but she didn't want to.
1234
01:11:14,737 --> 01:11:16,932
Suddenly, I knew what I had to do.
1235
01:11:18,173 --> 01:11:19,008
Finally I asked him to go back
to his old girlfriend.
1236
01:11:19,008 --> 01:11:21,306
Finally I asked him to go back
to his old girlfriend.
1237
01:11:21,810 --> 01:11:24,370
She called all the time,
begging him, pleading.
1238
01:11:25,447 --> 01:11:28,143
- She was desperate.
- Joyce?
1239
01:11:28,784 --> 01:11:31,412
- How'd you know her name?
- You mentioned it.
1240
01:11:31,587 --> 01:11:32,986
- You did.
- She did.
1241
01:11:33,155 --> 01:11:34,383
I did?
1242
01:11:35,691 --> 01:11:38,285
Well, yes. Joyce.
1243
01:11:38,460 --> 01:11:42,021
He only went back to her out of pity.
1244
01:11:45,034 --> 01:11:46,399
Barb was right.
1245
01:11:46,568 --> 01:11:49,435
As soon as Joyce realized that
he'd lied to her about Lulu...
1246
01:11:49,605 --> 01:11:51,971
... she'd never forgive him.
1247
01:11:52,141 --> 01:11:55,042
Which was, after all,
what I'd wanted.
1248
01:11:55,878 --> 01:11:58,142
So why did I feel so bad?
1249
01:12:06,255 --> 01:12:10,385
- I shouldn't have shown you that.
- No, I appreciate it, really.
1250
01:12:10,559 --> 01:12:12,527
It's just so bad, you know.
1251
01:12:12,695 --> 01:12:15,721
I probably did call him a few times
when he was with her.
1252
01:12:15,898 --> 01:12:20,597
But I was upset. I wouldn't characterize
it as being hysterical or pathetic.
1253
01:12:21,136 --> 01:12:23,331
But for her to know...
1254
01:12:23,505 --> 01:12:25,769
...that I called means that he told her.
1255
01:12:25,941 --> 01:12:29,934
Even if she didn't hear it,
she knew, and that's just so bad.
1256
01:12:33,315 --> 01:12:34,942
Joyce, I'm sorry.
1257
01:12:37,920 --> 01:12:39,217
I'm so sorry.
1258
01:12:41,156 --> 01:12:43,852
- He's in there.
- Where?
1259
01:12:45,060 --> 01:12:49,394
Right there, with the orange
sweater and the stupid haircut.
1260
01:12:51,400 --> 01:12:53,960
It is stupid.
1261
01:12:55,771 --> 01:12:56,931
Yeah.
1262
01:12:57,106 --> 01:12:59,074
We stood there...
1263
01:12:59,241 --> 01:13:02,904
... both of us sadly in love
with the same man.
1264
01:13:03,212 --> 01:13:06,409
Both of us feeling let down by him.
1265
01:13:06,815 --> 01:13:08,043
Where are you going?
1266
01:13:08,217 --> 01:13:13,154
I'm going home. I'll see you tomorrow
for the pre-interview. Good night, Barb.
1267
01:13:13,355 --> 01:13:14,822
Wait, Joyce?
1268
01:13:15,057 --> 01:13:18,220
Wait. Please. Wait.
1269
01:13:19,995 --> 01:13:23,453
- That tape, the Lulu...
- You know what, it's not about the tape.
1270
01:13:23,832 --> 01:13:25,356
It's just...
1271
01:13:25,534 --> 01:13:30,301
...talking to you and seeing Lulu. All
that stuff brought up bad memories.
1272
01:13:30,472 --> 01:13:32,463
And who am I trying to kid,
you know?
1273
01:13:32,641 --> 01:13:35,235
A clean break is easier.
You can reset it...
1274
01:13:35,411 --> 01:13:37,311
...and it heals, and you move on.
1275
01:13:37,479 --> 01:13:40,471
But if you leave things messy
or things don't get put right...
1276
01:13:40,649 --> 01:13:41,946
...then it just hurts.
1277
01:13:42,518 --> 01:13:44,645
Forever.
1278
01:13:52,928 --> 01:13:56,125
It's really time for me
to move away from him.
1279
01:13:56,632 --> 01:13:58,259
From all this.
1280
01:14:01,270 --> 01:14:03,238
I don't even know who he is anymore.
1281
01:14:15,083 --> 01:14:18,211
I should have felt happier
at that moment.
1282
01:14:18,387 --> 01:14:19,718
I had won.
1283
01:14:20,622 --> 01:14:23,489
But the cost was high
and the victory hollow.
1284
01:14:23,959 --> 01:14:26,655
I had taken a good friend
from someone I loved.
1285
01:14:27,429 --> 01:14:29,590
And nothing about that felt right.
1286
01:14:41,810 --> 01:14:45,439
I needed a reality check.
I needed Mom.
1287
01:14:45,614 --> 01:14:50,278
But she was out.
So I settled for Carly.
1288
01:15:03,799 --> 01:15:06,063
The line between
right and wrong had blurred.
1289
01:15:06,869 --> 01:15:10,202
In my search for truth,
I had become the lie.
1290
01:15:11,807 --> 01:15:15,675
Perhaps some secrets
should remain secret.
1291
01:15:25,954 --> 01:15:29,788
Okay, you guys are not that bright.
Can I have an amen?
1292
01:15:36,164 --> 01:15:37,688
Is everything okay?
1293
01:15:45,173 --> 01:15:46,800
It's great. Yeah.
1294
01:15:50,245 --> 01:15:53,942
- That makes one of us.
- What's the matter?
1295
01:15:54,550 --> 01:15:58,008
I'm not feeling so,
you know, good.
1296
01:15:59,855 --> 01:16:04,019
You can't go home.
I mean, I need you.
1297
01:16:04,693 --> 01:16:07,491
Today's my show.
I'm a nervous wreck. We're live.
1298
01:16:07,663 --> 01:16:11,190
Oh, my God. I totally forgot.
Of course I'll be here.
1299
01:16:12,434 --> 01:16:14,561
Wouldn't miss it for the world.
1300
01:16:14,736 --> 01:16:17,671
You are so beautiful,
like a real producer.
1301
01:16:17,839 --> 01:16:20,103
Hello. Headset.
1302
01:16:21,743 --> 01:16:24,439
And there was something
I needed to tell you. What was it?
1303
01:16:26,014 --> 01:16:28,608
- Oh, right. We're live.
- There she is.
1304
01:16:29,851 --> 01:16:31,716
- Yikes.
- Showtime.
1305
01:16:37,626 --> 01:16:39,059
Great to see you.
1306
01:16:42,197 --> 01:16:44,392
- Welcome to Kippie Kann Live.
- Watch this ladder.
1307
01:16:44,566 --> 01:16:45,863
I need a running order.
1308
01:16:48,236 --> 01:16:49,601
- Who's on first?
- You.
1309
01:16:49,771 --> 01:16:50,999
- What?
- It's for you.
1310
01:16:51,173 --> 01:16:53,073
- What is?
- Everything.
1311
01:16:54,576 --> 01:16:56,601
Let's see who's at Kippie's door.
1312
01:16:56,979 --> 01:16:58,310
Just go with it.
1313
01:16:59,414 --> 01:17:02,178
Stacy, oh, come on out.
1314
01:17:16,431 --> 01:17:19,264
That's right, Stacy.
Make yourself comfortable.
1315
01:17:20,602 --> 01:17:22,763
You look a little confused.
1316
01:17:24,406 --> 01:17:28,934
- Know the name of today's show?
- "Plastic Surgery Nightmares"?
1317
01:17:31,179 --> 01:17:34,808
No. Actually it's called
"Little Black Book."
1318
01:17:35,350 --> 01:17:37,841
Let's fill our audience in
on some recent history.
1319
01:17:38,020 --> 01:17:41,183
Stacy's a new member of our staff
who's been using resources here...
1320
01:17:41,356 --> 01:17:43,324
...to do her own personal research...
1321
01:17:43,492 --> 01:17:45,483
...on her boyfriend, Derek.
1322
01:17:46,862 --> 01:17:49,456
And three of his ex-girlfriends.
1323
01:17:50,465 --> 01:17:52,490
- Oh, no.
- Oh, no.
1324
01:17:52,968 --> 01:17:54,458
Oh, yes.
1325
01:17:54,670 --> 01:17:57,696
She went through his little
black electronic book...
1326
01:17:57,873 --> 01:18:00,501
...found his ex-girlfriends...
- I don't believe this.
1327
01:18:00,676 --> 01:18:04,442
...and interviewed them under the
guise of being a guest on our show.
1328
01:18:04,613 --> 01:18:06,638
- That's my idea.
- Wow, man, too bad.
1329
01:18:06,815 --> 01:18:09,784
- Barb's upstairs, if you wanna kill her.
- And they will be.
1330
01:18:09,951 --> 01:18:12,283
But not for the reasons they thought.
1331
01:18:12,454 --> 01:18:16,447
Take, for example,
supermodel Lulu Fritz.
1332
01:18:23,865 --> 01:18:26,163
Welcome to Kippie Kann Live.
1333
01:18:26,334 --> 01:18:29,826
You used us. You took my idea,
and you set her up.
1334
01:18:31,239 --> 01:18:33,400
- How can you just stand there?
- Camera two.
1335
01:18:33,742 --> 01:18:35,642
- You stole my idea.
- It's poetry.
1336
01:18:35,811 --> 01:18:37,972
- You stole it.
- I'll share credit. Ira...
1337
01:18:38,513 --> 01:18:42,313
...there's a bigger thing happening.
Just watch. God, are you watching?
1338
01:18:42,884 --> 01:18:46,843
It was all superficial.
Completely about sex.
1339
01:18:47,723 --> 01:18:51,352
I'd have to say no.
That's not from my documentary.
1340
01:18:51,526 --> 01:18:53,858
That's right, Lulu. It's all a ruse.
1341
01:18:54,396 --> 01:18:55,658
A flower?
1342
01:18:56,598 --> 01:19:00,830
- A ruse, a joke. This woman...
- How can you do this?
1343
01:19:01,002 --> 01:19:04,995
...Stacy Holt, a member of our staff,
got you here under false pretenses.
1344
01:19:05,574 --> 01:19:10,102
- Her name's Barbara.
- No, the woman producing is Barbara.
1345
01:19:10,378 --> 01:19:14,872
The woman beside you is the current
girlfriend of the man you once dated.
1346
01:19:15,183 --> 01:19:17,242
- Stephen?
- Derek.
1347
01:19:17,619 --> 01:19:17,786
Camera five. Doorbell.
1348
01:19:17,786 --> 01:19:19,617
Camera five. Doorbell.
1349
01:19:22,257 --> 01:19:25,624
Another woman scorned,
and she doesn't even know it yet.
1350
01:19:25,894 --> 01:19:27,725
Come in, Dr. Keyes.
1351
01:19:29,264 --> 01:19:32,392
Welcome to Kippie Kann Live.
1352
01:19:32,567 --> 01:19:35,297
Drama, pathos, life unfolding.
1353
01:19:36,138 --> 01:19:39,107
- It's good.
- It's Greek. Go to three, Phil.
1354
01:19:39,274 --> 01:19:42,072
- Camera three, go.
- Dr. Keyes, you're a gynecologist.
1355
01:19:42,744 --> 01:19:44,644
This woman posed as a patient...
1356
01:19:44,813 --> 01:19:49,512
...to obtain personal information on her
boyfriend, whom you once dated.
1357
01:19:49,684 --> 01:19:50,981
But I examined her.
1358
01:19:52,287 --> 01:19:55,745
- Well, that was all a setup.
- Even the warts?
1359
01:19:55,924 --> 01:19:59,985
No, it was a joke.
There were none, ever.
1360
01:20:02,397 --> 01:20:07,061
Ah, the apex. Joyce. She thinks she's
doing a pre-interview for a cook-off.
1361
01:20:07,269 --> 01:20:09,066
That's what you told her, right, Stace?
1362
01:20:09,938 --> 01:20:11,269
Come in, Joyce.
1363
01:20:13,642 --> 01:20:16,076
Welcome to Kippie Kann Live.
1364
01:20:16,311 --> 01:20:19,007
Here comes the tough part.
You can do it.
1365
01:20:19,447 --> 01:20:20,709
Welcome.
1366
01:20:22,284 --> 01:20:25,617
What's with the audience
and all these...?
1367
01:20:26,321 --> 01:20:28,846
- Lulu.
- Oh, that's right.
1368
01:20:29,024 --> 01:20:31,458
You two go way back.
But what about you two?
1369
01:20:31,927 --> 01:20:34,953
- Barb?
- No, actually, that's Stacy.
1370
01:20:35,297 --> 01:20:37,765
- Derek's current girlfriend.
- What?
1371
01:20:40,135 --> 01:20:41,363
No cook-off today.
1372
01:20:45,674 --> 01:20:50,134
You lied to me?
After everything I told you, you lied.
1373
01:20:51,613 --> 01:20:53,638
- Just like she did.
- Are you referring to me?
1374
01:20:53,815 --> 01:20:55,976
- Shut up.
- What did you say?
1375
01:20:56,151 --> 01:21:00,019
Ladies, please.
Let's fill the audience in, shall we?
1376
01:21:00,455 --> 01:21:04,118
We sent our own Kippie Kann crew
to the Kaleidoscope Kitchen...
1377
01:21:04,626 --> 01:21:06,856
...posing as a crew for 48 Hours.
1378
01:21:07,128 --> 01:21:10,825
- Then that was all a rose, too?
- Ruse, yeah. Roll it.
1379
01:21:12,734 --> 01:21:16,670
- Why is she calling you Stacy, Barb?
- Because that's her name.
1380
01:21:16,872 --> 01:21:19,204
No, actually, my name is Barb.
1381
01:21:19,541 --> 01:21:22,305
The other woman you
met's name was Stacy.
1382
01:21:22,477 --> 01:21:24,206
- No, she was Barb.
- No.
1383
01:21:24,880 --> 01:21:27,212
- What?
- Stimulating as ever.
1384
01:21:27,415 --> 01:21:30,976
I'd say it's nice to see you,
but then I'd be lying.
1385
01:21:32,020 --> 01:21:33,885
Enjoy your meal.
1386
01:21:34,322 --> 01:21:36,688
I got sick that night,
and not on purpose.
1387
01:21:36,858 --> 01:21:42,319
Stay put for more surprises
when "Little Black Book" continues.
1388
01:21:43,832 --> 01:21:47,097
Ladies, stay in your seat, okay.
We're still live.
1389
01:21:48,670 --> 01:21:51,503
- I'm sorry...
- Don't... Don't say another word.
1390
01:21:51,940 --> 01:21:55,376
You wanted me to hate him?
Mission accomplished. I do.
1391
01:21:56,378 --> 01:22:01,475
But, as bad as he is,
he is still too good for you.
1392
01:22:02,384 --> 01:22:05,581
- Lf you could have a seat...
- This is completely unacceptable.
1393
01:22:05,754 --> 01:22:08,188
I'll sue this entire show
for defamation of character.
1394
01:22:08,356 --> 01:22:11,052
This is America, and you
are welcome to sue anyone.
1395
01:22:11,293 --> 01:22:13,420
But that release
you signed is ironclad.
1396
01:22:13,595 --> 01:22:16,462
I was told we'd be discussing
sexually transmitted diseases.
1397
01:22:17,365 --> 01:22:21,802
Sexually transmitted diseases.
That's an idea.
1398
01:22:22,237 --> 01:22:24,467
- Ninety seconds to air.
- Ninety seconds.
1399
01:22:24,639 --> 01:22:27,608
- I love it live.
- You stoop to conquer.
1400
01:22:27,776 --> 01:22:30,745
Yeah. I stoop. We all do.
1401
01:22:30,946 --> 01:22:32,413
I mean, look at where we work.
1402
01:22:32,580 --> 01:22:35,242
We march thousands of Stacys
through here every year.
1403
01:22:35,750 --> 01:22:38,480
We uncover their secrets.
We spare no feelings.
1404
01:22:38,954 --> 01:22:42,617
But suddenly you get a conscience
because you know one personally.
1405
01:22:42,791 --> 01:22:44,725
- You're unethical.
- You're a hypocrite.
1406
01:22:44,993 --> 01:22:49,089
- I'm a hypocrite?
- This show is based on hypocrisy.
1407
01:22:49,264 --> 01:22:51,630
You wanna call me unethical? Okay.
1408
01:22:51,800 --> 01:22:55,600
But don't judge me and then worship
Kippie for doing the same thing.
1409
01:22:55,804 --> 01:22:58,068
We're all swimming
in the same cesspool.
1410
01:22:58,239 --> 01:23:01,333
We work in reality TV, Ira.
This is reality.
1411
01:23:01,509 --> 01:23:03,272
Forty-five seconds to air, Phil.
1412
01:23:06,781 --> 01:23:08,874
- Ira.
- Underneath your seats...
1413
01:23:09,050 --> 01:23:09,184
...there's a Kippie Kann Live hat
for each one of you. Kippie's a giver.
1414
01:23:09,184 --> 01:23:13,086
...there's a Kippie Kann Live hat
for each one of you. Kippie's a giver.
1415
01:23:13,254 --> 01:23:16,121
- I gotta get to the control room.
- Carl, you wanna handle this?
1416
01:23:16,291 --> 01:23:18,851
- Got it covered here. Thanks.
- You're all in on this?
1417
01:23:19,094 --> 01:23:22,325
- Everyone knew?
- There is no conspiracy here.
1418
01:23:22,497 --> 01:23:24,590
Just a good idea for sweeps.
1419
01:23:24,766 --> 01:23:27,758
- You can fight it. Seems pointless.
- Lame. Really stupid.
1420
01:23:27,936 --> 01:23:30,496
Or you could become a part
of something bigger.
1421
01:23:30,672 --> 01:23:33,766
Something completely different.
Now, of course I cannot...
1422
01:23:33,942 --> 01:23:36,172
But trust me, gonna be big.
1423
01:23:36,344 --> 01:23:40,337
- Huge, it's giant.
- I'm talking about a real show here.
1424
01:23:40,515 --> 01:23:44,007
Changing formats. Breaking
the fourth wall, and the fifth.
1425
01:23:44,285 --> 01:23:46,719
Kamikaze television
without restriction...
1426
01:23:46,888 --> 01:23:48,879
...without hesitation, without Kippie.
1427
01:23:50,025 --> 01:23:53,552
It's a pretty exciting time
to be on the ground floor.
1428
01:23:54,029 --> 01:23:57,658
Thanks, Carl. But being that low
doesn't interest me.
1429
01:23:58,833 --> 01:24:02,997
Don't fool yourself. What you did was
lower than anything I've ever done.
1430
01:24:03,838 --> 01:24:06,898
By the way, if you leave now,
I will sue you for fraud.
1431
01:24:08,009 --> 01:24:09,374
Oh, come on.
1432
01:24:10,045 --> 01:24:13,242
It's your 15 minutes. It's not so bad.
1433
01:24:13,415 --> 01:24:15,576
- It's my life.
- It'll be over soon.
1434
01:24:17,218 --> 01:24:18,515
I meant the show.
1435
01:24:19,387 --> 01:24:22,686
Five, four, three, two...
1436
01:24:25,193 --> 01:24:28,162
Welcome back to Kippie Kann Live.
1437
01:24:28,530 --> 01:24:30,191
And "Little Black Book."
1438
01:24:30,532 --> 01:24:33,899
I think it's time to bring out the man
of the hour. What do you say?
1439
01:24:35,904 --> 01:24:37,496
Are you ready for Derek?
1440
01:24:38,106 --> 01:24:40,336
Derek! Derek!
1441
01:24:40,508 --> 01:24:42,738
Roll scream, roll doorbell.
1442
01:24:45,046 --> 01:24:48,209
Derek, come on out.
1443
01:24:49,784 --> 01:24:51,046
What the...?
1444
01:24:52,854 --> 01:24:57,018
Derek thought he was coming to
a surprise promotion party for Stacy.
1445
01:24:57,659 --> 01:24:58,990
You're in for it now!
1446
01:24:59,427 --> 01:25:02,021
Lulu? Rach... Joyce.
1447
01:25:03,098 --> 01:25:05,362
What the hell's going on?
What are you doing here?
1448
01:25:05,533 --> 01:25:10,163
- You can do it.
- You wanna tell him, Stace, or shall I?
1449
01:25:10,338 --> 01:25:11,965
Yes.
1450
01:25:15,910 --> 01:25:18,572
I wanna tell him. I'll do it.
1451
01:25:20,148 --> 01:25:21,376
God.
1452
01:25:22,617 --> 01:25:23,845
What's going on?
1453
01:25:26,087 --> 01:25:28,214
- Tell him!
- They're all here because of me.
1454
01:25:29,424 --> 01:25:31,415
They're all here because of me.
1455
01:25:32,794 --> 01:25:36,093
See, after I heard
about you and Lulu...
1456
01:25:37,732 --> 01:25:39,563
...I interviewed her.
- You did what?
1457
01:25:39,734 --> 01:25:43,295
You know, look under the hood first,
she's Lulu Fritz.
1458
01:25:43,905 --> 01:25:45,236
Thank you.
1459
01:25:47,342 --> 01:25:50,573
- We got around to the sex question...
- Wait a minute. You're not serious.
1460
01:25:50,745 --> 01:25:53,737
She said that you guys did it,
like, two, three times a day.
1461
01:25:55,350 --> 01:25:58,012
It's funny. I mean,
why would she lie like that?
1462
01:25:58,987 --> 01:26:01,785
- What are you doing?
- Purging. You can go next.
1463
01:26:02,423 --> 01:26:06,052
Then I went to Rachel. I wanted
to go straight to Joyce, but I couldn't.
1464
01:26:06,227 --> 01:26:09,025
Not right away, so I made up
this story about warts...
1465
01:26:09,597 --> 01:26:12,293
...and went to Rachel,
who I thought was a podiatrist...
1466
01:26:12,467 --> 01:26:14,628
...but it turns out, joke's on me.
1467
01:26:15,637 --> 01:26:18,629
You can shut the cameras off,
because it's never gonna air.
1468
01:26:18,940 --> 01:26:21,670
We're live in 70 markets.
1469
01:26:23,378 --> 01:26:24,212
Hi, Mom.
1470
01:26:24,212 --> 01:26:25,110
Hi, Mom.
1471
01:26:25,713 --> 01:26:27,704
Then Barb and I
browsed through your Palm.
1472
01:26:27,882 --> 01:26:30,476
- Barb who?
- Barbara Campbell-hyphen-Dunn.
1473
01:26:31,653 --> 01:26:33,644
Who sold me out for this show.
1474
01:26:34,522 --> 01:26:36,490
Just like Carl's selling Kippie out.
1475
01:26:37,025 --> 01:26:39,016
At least, isn't that what you told me?
1476
01:26:39,194 --> 01:26:43,130
Yes, yes, that's it. Turn the tables
on us all. That's real. It's honest.
1477
01:26:43,298 --> 01:26:44,993
Phillip, get Carl.
1478
01:26:46,401 --> 01:26:47,891
Jay, give me a shot to Carl.
1479
01:26:48,169 --> 01:26:51,229
- What are you doing?
- Regurgitating.
1480
01:26:51,406 --> 01:26:53,271
Something sexy just for you, Carl.
1481
01:26:53,441 --> 01:26:56,137
- Who's Carl?
- Stage left, crooked toupee.
1482
01:26:56,744 --> 01:26:59,736
- Philip, on four.
- Camera four, go.
1483
01:27:01,349 --> 01:27:03,681
Get that camera off of me. Phil?
1484
01:27:05,019 --> 01:27:08,045
- Can't do this to him.
- You hold that shot. Split the screen.
1485
01:27:09,991 --> 01:27:12,357
Did you know that Carl
comes in really close...
1486
01:27:12,527 --> 01:27:16,156
...so that America can see that tape
you wear on your face right there?
1487
01:27:16,364 --> 01:27:18,389
Then he edits it out
of the copy he gives you.
1488
01:27:18,566 --> 01:27:20,557
- Back to Carl now.
- And those tabloid leaks.
1489
01:27:20,902 --> 01:27:22,893
Nice, really nice.
1490
01:27:23,204 --> 01:27:24,535
You're burying Carl.
1491
01:27:26,174 --> 01:27:30,167
I'm burying him, her, you, me.
1492
01:27:30,712 --> 01:27:32,077
We're all going down.
1493
01:27:33,448 --> 01:27:35,040
Go to commercial.
1494
01:27:35,350 --> 01:27:39,878
No commercial. I'm still
running things. Stay with me, Phil.
1495
01:27:41,456 --> 01:27:43,219
Not you. You'll get promoted.
1496
01:27:44,726 --> 01:27:48,025
I'm out of here. I can't top this.
1497
01:27:48,263 --> 01:27:51,630
Anyway, Barb and I were playing
with your Palm, and we stumbled...
1498
01:27:51,799 --> 01:27:54,131
...across a lovely montage
of Joyce...
1499
01:27:54,736 --> 01:27:57,637
...and your folks on holiday.
1500
01:27:58,406 --> 01:28:01,569
Which is really odd, because
you never bring girls home.
1501
01:28:01,743 --> 01:28:03,734
- I don't.
- You brought her.
1502
01:28:05,280 --> 01:28:06,508
She's different.
1503
01:28:09,450 --> 01:28:10,747
Why?
1504
01:28:12,987 --> 01:28:15,251
- Yeah, why?
- Tell us!
1505
01:28:16,958 --> 01:28:18,755
You know what? I'm not doing this.
1506
01:28:19,994 --> 01:28:22,292
- Why?
- You wanna get out of my way?
1507
01:28:22,463 --> 01:28:24,397
Is she better for you?
1508
01:28:32,006 --> 01:28:33,337
I guess so.
1509
01:28:35,276 --> 01:28:38,302
Maybe I always knew it.
1510
01:28:38,913 --> 01:28:41,473
Maybe that's why I had to meet her...
1511
01:28:41,816 --> 01:28:44,785
...and when I did, I understood,
because I liked her too.
1512
01:28:45,219 --> 01:28:48,279
I liked you so much.
I want you to know that.
1513
01:28:48,456 --> 01:28:51,118
Not in a weird kind of way,
but in a way that I thought...
1514
01:28:51,292 --> 01:28:54,284
...maybe in some alternate
universe we could be friends.
1515
01:28:54,495 --> 01:28:57,760
Yesterday, you told me you were
schmoozing up some new recruit...
1516
01:28:57,932 --> 01:28:59,559
...and you're schmoozing Joyce?
1517
01:28:59,834 --> 01:29:02,564
No, Joyce's brother.
1518
01:29:02,737 --> 01:29:05,035
Robbie Moore,
the recruit, is Joyce's brother.
1519
01:29:05,606 --> 01:29:08,131
Joyce hooked us up
because she's trying to help me out.
1520
01:29:08,443 --> 01:29:11,139
Then why wouldn't you have
told me that straight up?
1521
01:29:11,312 --> 01:29:13,803
- I mean, why lie?
- I never lied to you!
1522
01:29:17,018 --> 01:29:19,509
- "Omission is betrayal."
- Yes.
1523
01:29:19,821 --> 01:29:22,381
Oh, okay. Now you're gonna
tell me about betrayal?
1524
01:29:22,557 --> 01:29:24,149
What the hell do you call this?
1525
01:29:24,792 --> 01:29:27,022
I would never do this to you, ever.
1526
01:29:27,195 --> 01:29:28,560
No?
1527
01:29:30,698 --> 01:29:32,791
Then answer me this.
1528
01:29:35,002 --> 01:29:38,096
If we shared our lives together...
1529
01:29:39,207 --> 01:29:41,732
...why didn't we share our lives?
1530
01:29:43,044 --> 01:29:45,740
You shouldn't have
to tell me everything, Derek.
1531
01:29:45,913 --> 01:29:48,541
But why wouldn't you want to?
1532
01:29:49,417 --> 01:29:52,580
Unless there's somebody else
you're waiting for.
1533
01:29:52,754 --> 01:29:56,383
Someone who isn't afraid to say,
"The past isn't past, Derek."
1534
01:29:56,691 --> 01:29:58,682
Or, "I really wanna meet your folks."
1535
01:29:58,860 --> 01:30:03,058
Or, "I really, really hate hockey."
1536
01:30:04,332 --> 01:30:07,699
- You do?
- Oh, to the bottom of the ninth.
1537
01:30:09,837 --> 01:30:12,829
- That's baseball.
- You see that?
1538
01:30:13,641 --> 01:30:18,340
I was just too afraid to be honest
with you, with myself, because...
1539
01:30:23,351 --> 01:30:25,251
If I was really honest...
1540
01:30:26,521 --> 01:30:28,887
...gut-wrenching honest...
1541
01:30:30,558 --> 01:30:33,425
...then I'd have to admit...
1542
01:30:35,797 --> 01:30:40,791
...that we weren't right
the way you guys are.
1543
01:30:41,369 --> 01:30:42,802
Were we?
1544
01:30:55,950 --> 01:30:57,281
There's your show, Kippie.
1545
01:30:58,619 --> 01:31:00,780
"My Boyfriend Belongs With His Ex...
1546
01:31:01,622 --> 01:31:04,090
...and I Just Figured It Out."
1547
01:31:08,429 --> 01:31:10,556
Sue me, Carl.
1548
01:31:13,601 --> 01:31:15,967
Listen.
1549
01:31:16,137 --> 01:31:18,765
I'm fully aware that you
may never speak to me again.
1550
01:31:19,106 --> 01:31:21,006
And I understand. I do.
1551
01:31:21,442 --> 01:31:24,468
But before you leave, I want you
to know that this whole idea...
1552
01:31:24,645 --> 01:31:26,943
...wasn't planned out.
It wasn't premeditated.
1553
01:31:27,849 --> 01:31:31,751
It presented itself,
and then I guided it into this...
1554
01:31:32,787 --> 01:31:36,416
...event. Now, granted,
it was dramatic. It was extreme...
1555
01:31:37,625 --> 01:31:41,721
...but you dove head-on
into the muck and came out...
1556
01:31:41,896 --> 01:31:44,490
...with this masterpiece.
1557
01:31:45,466 --> 01:31:48,697
And I hope one day
you can understand...
1558
01:31:50,471 --> 01:31:53,269
...that you got
what you wanted, Stace:
1559
01:31:53,841 --> 01:31:55,069
Your life back.
1560
01:31:57,778 --> 01:32:01,111
I should tear your
eyes out right now.
1561
01:32:02,583 --> 01:32:07,247
But how will you ever be able
to look at yourself in the morning?
1562
01:32:16,831 --> 01:32:18,799
Looks like we have an audience.
1563
01:32:22,670 --> 01:32:26,071
Stay put. Kippie Kann Live and
"Little Black Book"...
1564
01:32:26,240 --> 01:32:29,175
...will be back
after these words.
1565
01:32:42,189 --> 01:32:43,588
Move it, will you?
1566
01:32:43,791 --> 01:32:48,285
The question: How does a girl
who jumps into a rabbit hole...
1567
01:32:48,462 --> 01:32:51,898
... plummeting into chaos,
come out unchanged?
1568
01:32:52,066 --> 01:32:53,658
The answer:
1569
01:32:54,268 --> 01:32:55,496
She doesn't.
1570
01:33:13,354 --> 01:33:17,085
No, it can't be closed now.
1571
01:33:21,495 --> 01:33:23,395
Stacy?
1572
01:33:24,031 --> 01:33:26,192
Stacy Holt. It's Bean.
1573
01:33:26,901 --> 01:33:30,735
- King. Bean King from college.
- Bean.
1574
01:33:30,905 --> 01:33:32,896
Bean, what are you doing here?
1575
01:33:33,374 --> 01:33:35,535
Inventory. We just finished.
1576
01:33:36,377 --> 01:33:39,346
Bean There's yours?
The coffee place?
1577
01:33:40,147 --> 01:33:42,809
I come here all the time.
Of course it's yours.
1578
01:33:42,984 --> 01:33:47,717
Wow, this all makes sense
in some cosmic way.
1579
01:33:49,523 --> 01:33:51,889
I get it. I get it.
1580
01:33:53,828 --> 01:33:57,457
This must sound crazy to you.
1581
01:33:58,265 --> 01:33:59,926
It's just...
1582
01:34:01,869 --> 01:34:05,737
I have spent a lifetime
preparing for a lifetime.
1583
01:34:05,906 --> 01:34:09,433
And I was beginning to think
it all went wrong somehow.
1584
01:34:10,711 --> 01:34:14,738
But maybe you're the reason, Bean.
1585
01:34:14,915 --> 01:34:17,213
- For?
- Everything.
1586
01:34:17,385 --> 01:34:21,412
Maybe you're the plan
I was supposed to hang on to.
1587
01:34:22,289 --> 01:34:23,847
Bean?
1588
01:34:24,025 --> 01:34:26,516
The 8:00 was sold out.
Should I try the 10:20?
1589
01:34:27,561 --> 01:34:29,961
Yeah, sure, honey. I'll be right there.
1590
01:34:32,299 --> 01:34:35,735
That's my wife, Colleen.
1591
01:34:35,903 --> 01:34:38,337
You should come meet her.
1592
01:34:38,506 --> 01:34:42,272
Love to, but I just gotta
go jump in the river now.
1593
01:34:43,077 --> 01:34:44,908
Hey, come on, now.
1594
01:34:47,882 --> 01:34:53,650
Every plan I had for my life
went so unbelievably wrong.
1595
01:34:55,089 --> 01:34:58,547
John Lennon said, "Life happens
when you're busy making other plans."
1596
01:34:58,726 --> 01:35:01,217
- Then he got shot.
- Right.
1597
01:35:01,395 --> 01:35:04,159
You just gotta live.
Stop planning your moves.
1598
01:35:04,331 --> 01:35:06,629
Let them happen.
I mean, you might be surprised.
1599
01:35:09,336 --> 01:35:11,327
Do you believe in
happy endings, Bean?
1600
01:35:14,308 --> 01:35:16,606
Yeah, I think so.
1601
01:35:17,478 --> 01:35:18,706
How about you?
1602
01:35:19,680 --> 01:35:21,079
I do.
1603
01:35:22,116 --> 01:35:23,777
Isn't that funny?
1604
01:35:24,185 --> 01:35:27,245
I still do with all my heart.
1605
01:35:28,122 --> 01:35:31,023
Even when the girl
doesn't get the guy in the end.
1606
01:35:31,192 --> 01:35:35,754
Or, in my case, both guys.
1607
01:35:38,466 --> 01:35:42,766
- That's amazing. Congratulations.
- Thanks.
1608
01:35:45,106 --> 01:35:47,438
You go find your
happy ending, Stacy Holt.
1609
01:35:50,511 --> 01:35:54,106
And thanks
for the continuing patronage.
1610
01:36:08,829 --> 01:36:11,957
By fall, I was ready to try again.
1611
01:36:12,133 --> 01:36:14,658
A little bruised. A little humbled.
1612
01:36:14,835 --> 01:36:16,826
And, hopefully, a little smarter.
1613
01:36:19,406 --> 01:36:21,374
I believe we write our own stories.
1614
01:36:21,842 --> 01:36:25,403
And each time we think
we know the end...
1615
01:36:25,646 --> 01:36:27,637
... we don't.
1616
01:36:27,815 --> 01:36:30,340
Perhaps luck exists
somewhere between...
1617
01:36:30,518 --> 01:36:33,385
... the world of planning,
the world of chance...
1618
01:36:33,554 --> 01:36:35,988
... and in the peace that comes
from knowing...
1619
01:36:36,157 --> 01:36:39,524
... that you just can't know it all.
1620
01:36:40,161 --> 01:36:42,356
You know, life's funny that way.
1621
01:36:42,730 --> 01:36:46,393
Once you let go of the wheel,
you might end up...
1622
01:36:47,501 --> 01:36:49,196
... right where you belong.
1623
01:36:52,239 --> 01:36:55,504
Wow, that is such an amazing story.
1624
01:36:55,943 --> 01:37:00,243
I mean, you went through
all of that, and here you are.
1625
01:37:01,215 --> 01:37:03,183
I can do this job, Jane.
1626
01:37:03,918 --> 01:37:06,113
I've been preparing my whole life.
1627
01:37:07,588 --> 01:37:08,919
It's too bad Diane's gone.
1628
01:37:10,391 --> 01:37:11,983
She is?
1629
01:37:12,159 --> 01:37:14,593
On assignment.
She'll be back next week.
1630
01:37:16,730 --> 01:37:19,528
But before she left...
1631
01:37:19,700 --> 01:37:22,635
...she told me, "If you find
someone great for this job...
1632
01:37:22,803 --> 01:37:24,566
...I mean, perfect...
1633
01:37:25,372 --> 01:37:27,033
...don't let them go."
1634
01:37:28,876 --> 01:37:30,366
Welcome aboard, Stacy.
1635
01:37:30,811 --> 01:37:32,938
You mean...
1636
01:37:33,113 --> 01:37:35,581
...I got the job?
- You got the job.
1637
01:37:37,318 --> 01:37:39,081
Congratulations.
1638
01:37:39,486 --> 01:37:41,681
Stay here.
I'll go check Diane's calendar.
1639
01:37:41,856 --> 01:37:43,346
Thank you.
1640
01:38:02,943 --> 01:38:06,743
- Hello, Mama? I got the job.
- You got the job?
1641
01:38:07,114 --> 01:38:10,675
- You got the job! She got the job!
- I got the job! I got the job!
1642
01:38:11,151 --> 01:38:14,917
- She got the job!
- It's amazing, amazing, amazing.
1643
01:38:15,089 --> 01:38:18,490
- I knew it.
- What could be better than this?
1644
01:38:18,659 --> 01:38:20,627
Mama, what could be better?
1645
01:38:21,629 --> 01:38:22,994
Are you Jane?
1646
01:38:24,498 --> 01:38:27,126
I'm Carly Simon.
I'm here for the pre-tape.
1647
01:38:30,304 --> 01:38:33,205
Jane, Jane, Jane.
1648
01:38:33,374 --> 01:38:36,537
- Are you okay? Are you okay?
- Hello? Stacy?
1649
01:38:37,044 --> 01:38:38,944
Honey? Honey, are you there?
1650
01:38:39,613 --> 01:38:43,606
Hello? Hi, I've just come into the
studio, and I think your friend fainted.
1651
01:38:43,784 --> 01:38:45,945
She fainted?
Oh, my God. Who is this?
1652
01:38:46,153 --> 01:38:51,022
My name is Carly Simon.
I'm just here to meet with Jane.
1653
01:38:51,225 --> 01:38:55,719
Oh, I think she's coming around
again, so I'll give her the phone.
1654
01:38:57,331 --> 01:38:59,390
Hello? Mama?
1655
01:39:01,235 --> 01:39:04,033
Gone. Are you really Carly Simon?
1656
01:39:04,405 --> 01:39:07,135
- Yeah, I just...
- I can't believe this.
1657
01:39:07,508 --> 01:39:09,533
- You just really made my life.
- Are you Jane?
1658
01:39:09,710 --> 01:39:11,837
- My name is Stacy Holt.
- Stacy.
1659
01:39:12,012 --> 01:39:15,175
I just got a job here.
Please don't tell Diane that I fainted.
1660
01:39:15,349 --> 01:39:17,214
- You really are Carly Simon.
- You're okay?
1661
01:39:17,384 --> 01:39:20,478
This is the most...
Yes, thank you. I'm so mortified.
1662
01:39:20,654 --> 01:39:22,485
I hug people when I'm embarrassed.
1663
01:39:22,723 --> 01:39:26,056
So do I. I do exactly the same thing.
1664
01:39:26,226 --> 01:39:28,854
I think this is just about
the greatest day of my life.
1665
01:39:29,029 --> 01:39:31,520
So thank you. Thank you so much.
1666
01:39:31,899 --> 01:39:33,992
I love you.