1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000 IN MEMORIA DI ME IN 2 00:00:17,460 --> 00:00:21,089 I need to have an ideal, a reason to live for. 3 00:00:22,740 --> 00:00:24,970 I don't want to keep chasing after 4 00:00:25,340 --> 00:00:27,648 the same freedom that everyone wants. 5 00:00:29,459 --> 00:00:31,017 It's false. 6 00:00:32,659 --> 00:00:34,536 It's false freedom. 7 00:00:36,379 --> 00:00:38,688 What kind of life have you led up to now? 8 00:00:39,259 --> 00:00:42,331 I have lived without depriving myself of anything. 9 00:00:43,179 --> 00:00:44,578 I have loved. 10 00:00:48,018 --> 00:00:50,816 And yet it seemed I wasn't getting anywhere, 11 00:00:51,178 --> 00:00:53,214 that I had nothing more to give. 12 00:00:56,058 --> 00:00:58,174 And my heart suffered. 13 00:01:00,138 --> 00:01:02,857 But I buried it inside me without asking questions. 14 00:01:07,017 --> 00:01:09,736 Anyway, for everyone else, I was a winner. 15 00:01:14,577 --> 00:01:17,375 I started losing sleep because I was afraid 16 00:01:19,377 --> 00:01:22,255 to look around and find nothing there. 17 00:01:27,336 --> 00:01:30,169 I don't know why I started going to Mass 18 00:01:30,376 --> 00:01:32,412 and reading the Gospel. 19 00:01:37,816 --> 00:01:40,011 It's hard to explain, but... 20 00:01:40,616 --> 00:01:43,288 a new way of being 21 00:01:44,575 --> 00:01:46,406 occurred to me. 22 00:01:47,975 --> 00:01:49,931 What do you want to become? 23 00:01:53,415 --> 00:01:54,928 A person. 24 00:02:14,174 --> 00:02:19,247 IN MEMORY OF MYSELF 25 00:03:05,731 --> 00:03:07,164 Come in. 26 00:03:19,890 --> 00:03:21,482 Please be seated. 27 00:03:30,610 --> 00:03:33,601 Congratulations, you have passed a brief, but difficult test 28 00:03:33,809 --> 00:03:36,118 of isolation over the last few days. 29 00:03:36,729 --> 00:03:39,766 Tomorrow, you will encounter your personal silence... 30 00:03:42,049 --> 00:03:44,358 Silence which sharpens discernment, 31 00:03:44,569 --> 00:03:46,958 which will judge a vocation. 32 00:03:47,289 --> 00:03:48,927 If there is one. 33 00:03:50,289 --> 00:03:53,644 As you know, this is a period dedicated to spiritual training. 34 00:03:53,848 --> 00:03:57,318 It is a question of turning perspectives around, 35 00:03:57,648 --> 00:04:02,324 of changing the way you have looked at the world up to now. 36 00:04:04,448 --> 00:04:06,359 To obtain this new perspective, 37 00:04:06,568 --> 00:04:09,401 we must envelop ourselves in silence and prayer. 38 00:04:10,207 --> 00:04:13,165 We are not accustomed to listening to the silence 39 00:04:14,767 --> 00:04:17,235 which speaks deep within us. 40 00:04:17,687 --> 00:04:20,326 Where God dwells. 41 00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:26,805 The rules of the house serve this purpose. 42 00:04:27,007 --> 00:04:28,837 You will learn this. 43 00:04:30,886 --> 00:04:33,480 Some of them will perhaps surprise you. 44 00:04:34,326 --> 00:04:37,045 They will challenge your way of thinking. 45 00:04:38,806 --> 00:04:41,639 Your brothers will be looking out for you 46 00:04:41,846 --> 00:04:44,644 as you should look out for them. 47 00:04:46,046 --> 00:04:50,835 Indicating the shortcomings of a brother to the Father Superior 48 00:04:51,045 --> 00:04:53,195 is an act of charity. 49 00:04:53,725 --> 00:04:58,003 It is like self-denunciation, like confessing your own sins, 50 00:04:58,685 --> 00:05:00,880 the dark side of yourself 51 00:05:01,445 --> 00:05:04,118 which needs to be brought to the light. 52 00:05:04,725 --> 00:05:06,954 Finally, do not forget that 53 00:05:07,164 --> 00:05:09,314 while you are here to test the Order, 54 00:05:09,524 --> 00:05:12,163 the Order will be testing you. 55 00:05:15,364 --> 00:05:17,036 After you. 56 00:05:42,882 --> 00:05:46,192 I would like to introduce our new brother, Andrea. 57 00:05:46,602 --> 00:05:48,194 Come. 58 00:05:48,402 --> 00:05:50,836 This is the community which is hosting you: 59 00:05:51,042 --> 00:05:53,033 The retired Fathers, 60 00:05:53,322 --> 00:05:56,200 the Father Superiors and your new companions. 61 00:05:57,482 --> 00:05:59,393 With time, you will meet them all. 62 00:05:59,642 --> 00:06:02,030 - Please be seated. - Thank you. 63 00:06:05,481 --> 00:06:09,599 We thank you, Father, for the food that you have granted us. 64 00:06:09,801 --> 00:06:13,157 In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. 65 00:07:14,478 --> 00:07:16,707 And these are our quarters. 66 00:07:19,717 --> 00:07:21,309 Follow me. 67 00:07:40,836 --> 00:07:42,667 You live here. 68 00:07:46,956 --> 00:07:49,026 Have you met Fausto? 69 00:08:00,875 --> 00:08:04,106 It's basic, but you'll find everything you need. 70 00:08:04,875 --> 00:08:07,833 The Father Master asked me to help you with our daily schedule 71 00:08:08,035 --> 00:08:09,753 at the start. 72 00:08:09,955 --> 00:08:12,309 Anyway, it's the same everyday, 73 00:08:12,554 --> 00:08:14,385 barring exceptions. 74 00:08:15,954 --> 00:08:18,627 - Welcome. - Thank you. 75 00:10:54,786 --> 00:10:55,980 I am sorry. 76 00:10:56,786 --> 00:10:59,424 Hold this. You can fill up the bucket in the lavatory. 77 00:10:59,745 --> 00:11:02,703 You can start with this part of the corridor. 78 00:11:02,905 --> 00:11:05,214 Then remember to put it back in here. 79 00:11:05,705 --> 00:11:08,742 When the bell rings, we start the meditations the Father Master gave us. 80 00:11:08,945 --> 00:11:10,298 Yes, yes, thank you. 81 00:11:10,505 --> 00:11:14,214 - He already gave them to me. - Good. See you later. 82 00:11:25,784 --> 00:11:27,661 Leave it. 83 00:13:13,858 --> 00:13:14,927 Come in. 84 00:14:09,775 --> 00:14:13,404 "If anyone wants to be my follower, let him renounce himself, 85 00:14:13,615 --> 00:14:16,413 take up his cross and follow me." 86 00:14:18,175 --> 00:14:21,884 Man's secret yet constant thought is to save himself 87 00:14:22,255 --> 00:14:26,406 to ensure a material existence which he is destined to lose. 88 00:14:28,054 --> 00:14:32,491 This desperate, useless quest makes him self-centred. 89 00:14:33,294 --> 00:14:35,888 Causes him to destroy himself and others. 90 00:14:37,334 --> 00:14:40,804 True life, however, is loving Him who loved us first. 91 00:14:41,973 --> 00:14:44,362 This is true life which will never die. 92 00:14:57,893 --> 00:14:59,451 It's your turn, Fausto. 93 00:15:19,771 --> 00:15:22,888 Mark 8, 31-35. 94 00:15:24,011 --> 00:15:26,161 In reference to 95 00:15:27,211 --> 00:15:28,849 De Rienzo's 34. 96 00:15:30,011 --> 00:15:33,720 "If anyone wants to be my follower, 97 00:15:33,931 --> 00:15:36,399 let him renounce himself, take up his cross and follow me." 98 00:15:37,650 --> 00:15:38,878 Well... 99 00:15:39,890 --> 00:15:41,687 This passage... 100 00:15:43,050 --> 00:15:47,009 explains what it means to become a disciple of Jesus. 101 00:15:51,370 --> 00:15:53,361 The key phrase is as follows: 102 00:15:54,970 --> 00:15:57,642 "Anyone who wants to save his life, will lose it, 103 00:15:58,409 --> 00:16:02,118 but anyone who loses his life for my sake and for the Gospel, 104 00:16:02,449 --> 00:16:04,440 will save it". 105 00:16:07,969 --> 00:16:09,641 Well, 106 00:16:11,609 --> 00:16:13,440 the point is... 107 00:16:18,768 --> 00:16:20,998 what is meant by life? 108 00:16:25,528 --> 00:16:26,847 The... 109 00:16:28,248 --> 00:16:30,204 term in the Greek text, 110 00:16:30,408 --> 00:16:31,966 psyche, 111 00:16:32,528 --> 00:16:35,325 corresponds to the Hebrew term 112 00:16:36,287 --> 00:16:38,323 nephesh... 113 00:16:41,487 --> 00:16:43,478 Let me start again. 114 00:16:44,207 --> 00:16:46,323 The Greek term psyche, life, 115 00:16:46,527 --> 00:16:50,406 corresponds to the Hebrew term nephesh, breath of life. 116 00:16:51,726 --> 00:16:53,557 Therefore, 117 00:16:54,446 --> 00:16:56,164 life is... 118 00:16:59,206 --> 00:17:00,924 breath. 119 00:17:08,006 --> 00:17:09,724 But also... 120 00:17:15,765 --> 00:17:19,997 Personality, responsibility. 121 00:17:46,404 --> 00:17:48,121 I'm sorry. 122 00:19:08,519 --> 00:19:10,032 Well, 123 00:19:12,599 --> 00:19:14,635 at the end of the day, 124 00:19:15,559 --> 00:19:17,277 as usual, 125 00:19:20,918 --> 00:19:23,990 we have come before the Lord to go over it with Him. 126 00:19:29,998 --> 00:19:33,229 Let's attempt to go over the events which marked the day, 127 00:19:36,238 --> 00:19:38,274 the encounters we've had. 128 00:19:41,037 --> 00:19:44,552 We think back with gratitude on the gifts we've received. 129 00:19:47,117 --> 00:19:50,393 We think back also on the moments when we forgot the Lord, 130 00:19:52,077 --> 00:19:56,070 when we were concentrating only on ourselves. 131 00:21:34,111 --> 00:21:35,510 Fausto... 132 00:23:54,784 --> 00:23:57,981 "It is great not to be subject to a passion for things, 133 00:23:59,663 --> 00:24:03,292 but it is far greater to remain impassive before their image." 134 00:24:05,543 --> 00:24:09,741 Maximus the Confessor is telling us all that inflicts pain are images, 135 00:24:09,943 --> 00:24:11,501 and therefore unreal. 136 00:24:11,703 --> 00:24:15,093 When for example we go through states of anxiety and then it finally passes, 137 00:24:15,303 --> 00:24:18,453 we say that it was nothing, nothing caused our anxiety. 138 00:24:19,262 --> 00:24:22,220 It was only the appearance, not the reality of things. 139 00:24:22,422 --> 00:24:24,652 Therefore I tell you that even if you are suffering, 140 00:24:24,862 --> 00:24:26,773 learn not to let it show. 141 00:24:28,062 --> 00:24:31,816 Train yourselves to remain impassive, to conceal your torments. 142 00:24:33,222 --> 00:24:37,453 You will see that it will become an internal habit. 143 00:24:39,181 --> 00:24:42,730 One day, in the desert of Egypt, a young man went to a monk 144 00:24:42,941 --> 00:24:45,330 to ask if he could become his disciple. 145 00:24:45,541 --> 00:24:49,420 The monk said that his first task would be to go up to some statues 146 00:24:49,621 --> 00:24:51,498 and insult them. 147 00:24:51,701 --> 00:24:54,374 And then go back to them to ask their forgiveness. 148 00:24:55,060 --> 00:24:58,416 The young man went but when he came back to the monk he said: 149 00:24:58,620 --> 00:25:02,374 "I have done what you told me, but the statues remained impassive". 150 00:25:03,060 --> 00:25:06,973 And the monk answered: "Come back when you're like those statues". 151 00:25:08,180 --> 00:25:11,331 Our aim is to become indifferent to everything. 152 00:25:14,059 --> 00:25:17,813 We must not desire wealth over poverty, 153 00:25:18,059 --> 00:25:20,129 health over illness, 154 00:25:20,739 --> 00:25:22,695 success rather than scorn, 155 00:25:22,899 --> 00:25:25,811 or a long life rather than a short one. 156 00:25:26,499 --> 00:25:28,410 Those of us here, 157 00:25:28,619 --> 00:25:32,497 strive only for what fulfils the aim for which we were created. 158 00:25:33,098 --> 00:25:35,089 To resemble God. 159 00:29:42,405 --> 00:29:45,522 We thank you, Lord, for the food... 160 00:29:45,725 --> 00:29:47,283 Lord... 161 00:29:49,805 --> 00:29:53,433 recognizing our own sins is greater than bringing a dead man to life. 162 00:29:55,644 --> 00:29:57,555 He who weeps for an hour for himself 163 00:29:59,124 --> 00:30:01,797 is greater than he who instructs the whole world. 164 00:30:03,884 --> 00:30:06,444 He who recognizes his own weaknesses 165 00:30:07,524 --> 00:30:09,958 is greater than he who sees an angel. 166 00:30:12,163 --> 00:30:14,472 He who follows Christ in secret 167 00:30:16,163 --> 00:30:18,882 is greater than he who enjoys much fame in church. 168 00:30:24,803 --> 00:30:27,363 Nobody can recognize his own sins 169 00:30:28,043 --> 00:30:30,840 without at the same time knowing God. 170 00:30:32,602 --> 00:30:34,513 Not before, nor after. 171 00:30:36,442 --> 00:30:38,512 At the very same instant. 172 00:30:39,242 --> 00:30:41,915 The same identical intuition of grace. 173 00:30:51,201 --> 00:30:52,839 We thank you, Lord, 174 00:30:53,561 --> 00:30:56,997 for the food that you granted us again today 175 00:30:57,201 --> 00:31:00,398 and that we ate in your presence. 176 00:31:01,641 --> 00:31:04,633 In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. 177 00:31:04,841 --> 00:31:06,353 Amen. 178 00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:27,118 Soul of Christ, sanctify me, Body of Christ, save me. 179 00:31:27,879 --> 00:31:32,270 Blood of Christ, inebriate me, water from the Rib of Christ, cleanse me. 180 00:31:32,719 --> 00:31:35,313 Passion of Christ, comfort me. 181 00:31:36,319 --> 00:31:39,868 Good Lord, hear me hide me in your wounds. 182 00:31:40,719 --> 00:31:43,153 Do not let me stray from You. 183 00:31:43,358 --> 00:31:47,317 Defend me from my evil enemy and call me on my hour of death. 184 00:31:48,918 --> 00:31:53,628 Let me come to You to praise You and all the Saints forever and ever. 185 00:31:55,358 --> 00:31:59,954 Soul of Christ, sanctify me, Body of Christ, save me. 186 00:32:00,398 --> 00:32:02,831 Blood of Christ... 187 00:32:06,877 --> 00:32:10,552 Defend me from my evil enemy and call me on my hour of death. 188 00:32:11,197 --> 00:32:15,509 Let me come to You to praise You and all the Saints forever and ever. 189 00:37:01,061 --> 00:37:03,973 As you must have realized, one of your brothers has left us. 190 00:37:06,101 --> 00:37:09,298 Serious family matters forced him to return home. 191 00:37:11,101 --> 00:37:13,899 In the hope of his return one day, 192 00:37:14,101 --> 00:37:18,013 let us pray to the Lord to accompany him in his trials. 193 00:37:21,060 --> 00:37:23,494 We offer thanks to you, Lord Jesus. 194 00:37:23,780 --> 00:37:27,534 Watch over us that we remain united in your name. 195 00:37:28,700 --> 00:37:31,089 May you be blessed now and forevermore. 196 00:37:31,380 --> 00:37:34,213 In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen. 197 00:37:43,739 --> 00:37:46,572 - The doctor's here. - Thank you. 198 00:37:54,899 --> 00:37:56,331 Father... 199 00:37:57,298 --> 00:37:59,129 I'm sorry to bother you. 200 00:37:59,338 --> 00:38:01,010 What is it? 201 00:38:02,338 --> 00:38:04,090 It's about Panella. 202 00:38:04,778 --> 00:38:07,611 I saw him leave the house last night. 203 00:38:08,698 --> 00:38:12,373 - I heard noises and... - His family came to pick him up. 204 00:38:16,097 --> 00:38:18,247 Why are you lying, Father? 205 00:38:21,297 --> 00:38:22,935 Because it's right. 206 00:38:23,617 --> 00:38:27,496 And so it should be referred to the novices to avoid problems. 207 00:38:30,177 --> 00:38:33,566 It is also right that Fausto left if he didn't wish to stay here. 208 00:38:35,136 --> 00:38:38,014 In any event, these things do not concern us. 209 00:38:40,816 --> 00:38:43,330 His parents came to pick him up. 210 00:38:45,656 --> 00:38:48,045 Do you require any further explanation? 211 00:39:48,372 --> 00:39:51,523 A community based on Christ does not judge. 212 00:39:56,372 --> 00:40:00,206 But living alongside others and listening to what they have to tell us 213 00:40:00,732 --> 00:40:05,043 is a great opportunity for us to discover our own behaviour. 214 00:40:05,651 --> 00:40:08,768 How we appear to others and what we communicate to them. 215 00:40:11,091 --> 00:40:14,970 The comments of others serve to question our own image, 216 00:40:15,451 --> 00:40:17,646 the image we have created of ourselves. 217 00:40:18,451 --> 00:40:21,488 Only humiliation can teach us the essence of humility. 218 00:40:24,050 --> 00:40:25,961 Listen, Andrea, 219 00:40:27,210 --> 00:40:29,599 to what your brothers have to say to you. 220 00:40:35,490 --> 00:40:37,799 You seem too sure of yourself. 221 00:40:41,730 --> 00:40:44,801 You are too curious, too indiscreet. 222 00:40:47,409 --> 00:40:49,240 You seem presumptuous. 223 00:40:52,409 --> 00:40:54,923 It seems like you are running away from something. 224 00:40:57,529 --> 00:41:00,407 It feels like you are judging me. 225 00:41:02,448 --> 00:41:05,440 You seem cold, indifferent. 226 00:41:08,608 --> 00:41:12,044 I'm afraid of you, you seem arrogant. 227 00:41:15,608 --> 00:41:17,758 You seem vain. 228 00:43:05,002 --> 00:43:07,641 It's the new schedule for the homilies. 229 00:43:08,042 --> 00:43:10,033 It's tomorrow. You're the first. 230 00:43:11,281 --> 00:43:13,397 You'll have to write it tonight. 231 00:44:25,677 --> 00:44:28,749 We have taken refuge here, in the shade of this island, 232 00:44:28,957 --> 00:44:30,549 the dwelling of God, 233 00:44:30,757 --> 00:44:33,715 that takes us in and absolves us from every human fear. 234 00:44:34,477 --> 00:44:36,627 What have we given up? 235 00:44:37,597 --> 00:44:40,236 Only that which we didn't want anyway. 236 00:44:40,437 --> 00:44:44,270 Love so commonplace that it was destined to die of habit. 237 00:44:45,396 --> 00:44:48,547 We have discovered that our revolution lies in rules. 238 00:44:48,756 --> 00:44:51,350 Daily routines, rituals 239 00:44:51,996 --> 00:44:54,829 and liturgies which prevent us from straying into error. 240 00:44:55,196 --> 00:44:59,235 But this is still no guarantee that we will become better men. 241 00:44:59,756 --> 00:45:01,792 We quote the Scriptures, 242 00:45:02,236 --> 00:45:04,066 meditate on the Gospel, 243 00:45:04,515 --> 00:45:08,713 but no one knows better than we do how difficult it is to live by them. 244 00:45:10,795 --> 00:45:13,150 Should we blame ourselves for this? 245 00:45:18,395 --> 00:45:22,307 Is there another path for us, other than teaching the Gospel? 246 00:45:24,354 --> 00:45:25,628 No. 247 00:45:25,834 --> 00:45:29,429 We know that we must be the guides for humanity, 248 00:45:29,874 --> 00:45:33,184 that when hearing the Gospel, desires ethics. 249 00:45:35,194 --> 00:45:38,823 That when sensing love, prefers severity. 250 00:45:39,953 --> 00:45:43,343 That when hoping for forgiveness, hurries to condemn. 251 00:45:45,593 --> 00:45:48,107 And when it should fall silent and weep, 252 00:45:49,153 --> 00:45:51,826 asks God to account for what it, 253 00:45:53,393 --> 00:45:55,748 and it alone, should have done. 254 00:46:11,192 --> 00:46:12,671 You are judging. 255 00:46:18,631 --> 00:46:20,781 There is no love in what you say. 256 00:46:24,191 --> 00:46:26,864 I don't pretend to make people fall in love. 257 00:46:29,711 --> 00:46:33,021 I am here to learn the contents of the faith. 258 00:46:36,990 --> 00:46:39,663 But love is the contents of the faith. 259 00:46:44,950 --> 00:46:47,987 I think people must fall in love with Christ 260 00:46:48,350 --> 00:46:50,545 even if they have never read a word 261 00:46:50,750 --> 00:46:53,946 of the tons of literature that has been written about Him. 262 00:46:57,469 --> 00:47:01,382 How can you be scientific about Christ? 263 00:47:02,869 --> 00:47:06,225 We are called upon to explain the reasons for our faith. 264 00:47:13,428 --> 00:47:15,305 The Gospel exists. 265 00:47:16,788 --> 00:47:20,497 He who explains it must give the instruments to understand it. 266 00:47:22,428 --> 00:47:25,386 You are the Gospel when you are a priest. 267 00:47:28,788 --> 00:47:32,416 It is through you that the people expect to see Christ. 268 00:47:34,827 --> 00:47:39,378 If there weren't a single copy of the Gospel in the world, 269 00:47:41,387 --> 00:47:44,265 if I was told that God doesn't exist, 270 00:47:44,747 --> 00:47:48,262 that Jesus Christ was only a lie... 271 00:47:50,186 --> 00:47:52,097 But if through someone else, 272 00:47:52,346 --> 00:47:55,622 I truly experienced Him myself, 273 00:47:56,426 --> 00:47:58,257 be certain... 274 00:47:59,266 --> 00:48:02,463 Be certain I'd prefer to stay with Christ 275 00:48:02,666 --> 00:48:05,499 than with all the other truths of this world. 276 00:53:56,887 --> 00:53:58,525 Please be seated. 277 00:54:11,086 --> 00:54:13,554 The Father Master informs me 278 00:54:13,766 --> 00:54:16,838 that you show great ability in your studies. 279 00:54:18,806 --> 00:54:22,320 In particular, he praised your writing skills. 280 00:54:23,525 --> 00:54:26,517 As you know, our job here 281 00:54:26,725 --> 00:54:30,798 is to enhance your individual capacities. 282 00:54:31,565 --> 00:54:34,875 The work of the Lord is accomplished through our gifts, 283 00:54:37,245 --> 00:54:39,599 the gifts He bestowed on us. 284 00:54:45,564 --> 00:54:47,236 Who are you? 285 00:54:49,564 --> 00:54:51,759 Why have you come here? 286 00:54:53,164 --> 00:54:56,997 Write about the process you are following, 287 00:54:58,083 --> 00:55:00,074 the reasons for it. 288 00:55:00,523 --> 00:55:03,356 Try to explain it. 289 00:55:09,163 --> 00:55:12,394 Personally, I would be happy to read something of the sort. 290 00:55:27,322 --> 00:55:29,392 I know it's hard at first. 291 00:55:30,842 --> 00:55:33,993 But try and keep at it, as you have done so far. 292 00:55:34,921 --> 00:55:38,436 We are certain that you can do very well in the future. 293 00:55:44,361 --> 00:55:46,431 I am counting on you, Andrea. 294 00:59:56,067 --> 00:59:58,103 Why are you following me? 295 01:00:39,385 --> 01:00:42,775 To be everything in life, I risked becoming nothing at all. 296 01:00:44,945 --> 01:00:48,062 I'd managed to give up every responsibility. 297 01:00:50,824 --> 01:00:53,099 It was all the same, I said. 298 01:00:54,824 --> 01:00:56,735 We're just ants. 299 01:00:57,264 --> 01:00:58,777 Ghosts. 300 01:01:01,544 --> 01:01:03,580 Then one evening, 301 01:01:04,024 --> 01:01:06,015 I went out into the street 302 01:01:06,944 --> 01:01:10,652 and made up my mind not to avoid traffic anymore. 303 01:01:14,463 --> 01:01:17,660 All I had to do to die was to stand still. 304 01:01:24,023 --> 01:01:26,696 I'm not pretending I was enlightened. 305 01:01:29,102 --> 01:01:31,491 It only lasted a second. 306 01:01:34,222 --> 01:01:36,372 And everything was so present. 307 01:01:42,942 --> 01:01:45,217 In the depths of it, 308 01:01:46,061 --> 01:01:48,416 I didn't feel alone anymore. 309 01:01:54,941 --> 01:01:56,932 I realized that evil 310 01:01:58,821 --> 01:02:00,971 was what I myself was doing, 311 01:02:03,021 --> 01:02:05,250 and that I needed forgiveness. 312 01:02:08,700 --> 01:02:10,770 Perhaps for the first time 313 01:02:11,540 --> 01:02:13,849 in my life, I felt... 314 01:02:15,620 --> 01:02:17,690 I felt loved. 315 01:02:20,060 --> 01:02:22,528 And so I... 316 01:02:24,179 --> 01:02:26,374 And so I came here, 317 01:02:27,939 --> 01:02:30,169 in order not to lose myself. 318 01:02:35,619 --> 01:02:37,849 But the silence 319 01:02:38,179 --> 01:02:40,249 of this church 320 01:02:41,418 --> 01:02:43,249 is empty. 321 01:02:52,138 --> 01:02:54,413 They need truth 322 01:02:54,618 --> 01:02:56,848 to be dead. 323 01:03:01,137 --> 01:03:03,128 They need truth to be... 324 01:03:03,337 --> 01:03:04,850 dead. 325 01:03:09,457 --> 01:03:11,254 Why are you here? 326 01:03:12,697 --> 01:03:14,767 I'm here for myself. 327 01:03:20,456 --> 01:03:22,651 Because the world won't change, 328 01:03:22,856 --> 01:03:24,926 if I don't change first. 329 01:03:26,216 --> 01:03:28,446 We aren't changing the world. 330 01:03:29,536 --> 01:03:31,652 We're only copying it. 331 01:03:35,656 --> 01:03:37,964 And why are you still here? 332 01:03:45,335 --> 01:03:47,451 Because I'm afraid. 333 01:03:50,375 --> 01:03:52,445 Who's in the infirmary? 334 01:05:51,368 --> 01:05:52,084 Come in. 335 01:05:56,728 --> 01:05:58,878 I hope I'm not disturbing you. 336 01:06:00,008 --> 01:06:03,284 Last night I overheard something that I think I should tell you. 337 01:07:05,324 --> 01:07:08,600 What were you and Zanna talking about last night? 338 01:07:18,444 --> 01:07:20,479 Well? Answer me ! 339 01:07:34,723 --> 01:07:36,714 He has some doubts. 340 01:07:37,003 --> 01:07:39,152 He is asking himself questions. 341 01:07:39,922 --> 01:07:43,278 What do you mean, asking himself questions? 342 01:07:50,042 --> 01:07:51,475 Well? 343 01:08:01,001 --> 01:08:05,438 Explain to your brothers what sort of questions he has. 344 01:08:11,761 --> 01:08:13,956 He feels he is dying in here. 345 01:08:27,840 --> 01:08:31,037 Here we prepare you to become men of God. 346 01:08:32,600 --> 01:08:35,113 To be ready to serve Him 347 01:08:35,319 --> 01:08:37,310 whenever needed. 348 01:08:45,239 --> 01:08:47,992 You should be ready to cross continents, 349 01:08:48,199 --> 01:08:51,236 overcome diffidence and opposition, 350 01:08:52,719 --> 01:08:54,470 face wars 351 01:08:55,638 --> 01:08:57,674 and even martyrdom. 352 01:09:02,718 --> 01:09:05,186 And you must always be prepared 353 01:09:05,798 --> 01:09:09,029 to carry out the orders of your Superiors. 354 01:09:15,717 --> 01:09:19,392 If you are incapable of accepting this servitude, 355 01:09:21,317 --> 01:09:25,788 you are free to return to the world. 356 01:09:37,476 --> 01:09:39,512 The doors remain open 357 01:09:40,556 --> 01:09:44,913 for those who wish to leave. 358 01:09:49,955 --> 01:09:54,824 The novitiate is when the novice tests the Order, 359 01:09:55,035 --> 01:09:57,947 and the Order tests the novice. 360 01:10:06,155 --> 01:10:08,270 Do not forget this. 361 01:10:10,674 --> 01:10:13,268 Not all of you will see it through. 362 01:11:50,669 --> 01:11:55,379 "If your brother does something wrong, go and have it out with him alone, 363 01:11:55,589 --> 01:12:01,538 If he listens to you, you have won him back." Matthew 18:25. 364 01:28:09,536 --> 01:28:11,925 I have decided to leave. I wanted to tell you. 365 01:28:20,456 --> 01:28:23,527 If I stayed, I'd only be doing myself harm. 366 01:28:26,695 --> 01:28:28,526 I can't do it. 367 01:28:30,615 --> 01:28:33,527 Why should I? To keep a promise I made to men? 368 01:28:35,255 --> 01:28:37,132 It would be madness. 369 01:28:39,695 --> 01:28:41,174 To God? 370 01:28:43,654 --> 01:28:45,451 But God is everywhere. 371 01:28:46,974 --> 01:28:48,532 He is in me. 372 01:28:50,614 --> 01:28:52,844 I'm taking him with me. 373 01:29:04,013 --> 01:29:05,844 What will you do? 374 01:29:08,653 --> 01:29:09,642 I don't know. 375 01:29:12,573 --> 01:29:15,610 I'm going to go in the opposite direction to this place, 376 01:29:17,413 --> 01:29:19,642 opposite to everyone in here. 377 01:30:35,288 --> 01:30:37,199 Who am I? 378 01:30:41,728 --> 01:30:44,526 Tell me who I am. 379 01:30:55,447 --> 01:30:57,642 Tell me why I'm here. 380 01:31:09,727 --> 01:31:11,603 Who am I? 381 01:31:24,806 --> 01:31:26,125 I pretend... 382 01:31:28,886 --> 01:31:30,796 I pretend... 383 01:31:31,245 --> 01:31:32,917 I'm pretending... 384 01:31:37,285 --> 01:31:39,241 I'm pretending ! 385 01:31:39,965 --> 01:31:42,001 I'm not able to love. 386 01:32:26,682 --> 01:32:29,150 I'm not able to love. 387 01:33:06,520 --> 01:33:08,431 It's not me you're looking for. 388 01:33:13,520 --> 01:33:15,317 It's not me. 389 01:33:21,319 --> 01:33:23,196 Do you understand? It's not me. 390 01:33:29,399 --> 01:33:30,957 I'm worthless. 391 01:33:49,758 --> 01:33:52,226 I don't believe in anything. 392 01:34:50,795 --> 01:34:52,513 I'm coming with you. 393 01:34:53,395 --> 01:34:55,703 We're leaving tonight. 394 01:35:09,714 --> 01:35:11,193 Father. 395 01:35:11,714 --> 01:35:13,192 Andrea... 396 01:35:16,233 --> 01:35:17,985 I'm sorry. 397 01:35:19,553 --> 01:35:22,829 Accepting who we are is the first charity. 398 01:35:26,753 --> 01:35:28,584 I'm sorry, Father. 399 01:35:30,992 --> 01:35:32,584 Andrea, 400 01:35:34,352 --> 01:35:37,025 make up your mind that today is not the end, 401 01:35:37,232 --> 01:35:39,871 but a new beginning. 402 01:37:49,225 --> 01:37:51,181 Why did you come to me? 403 01:37:54,665 --> 01:37:57,418 To tell me that you want to be free? 404 01:37:58,985 --> 01:38:01,544 You have always been free here. 405 01:38:02,904 --> 01:38:05,134 You look at me with pride. 406 01:38:06,784 --> 01:38:09,059 You should know that I, too, 407 01:38:09,544 --> 01:38:12,775 spent some time chasing after the freedom you say you love. 408 01:38:16,864 --> 01:38:20,378 Your freedom is a desperate freedom, 409 01:38:21,903 --> 01:38:24,781 shouting against the emptiness in the heavens. 410 01:38:30,343 --> 01:38:33,062 But Christ did not descend from the Cross. 411 01:38:36,183 --> 01:38:40,653 He wasn't forcing man to believe, to be a slave to an almighty god. 412 01:38:48,702 --> 01:38:52,297 He let Himself be killed, to give man the freedom 413 01:38:52,902 --> 01:38:55,052 to believe or not. 414 01:38:57,581 --> 01:38:59,492 To love Him. 415 01:39:00,701 --> 01:39:02,657 Or reject Him. 416 01:39:10,541 --> 01:39:13,658 What He was asking was unconstrained faith, 417 01:39:13,860 --> 01:39:15,771 unconstrained love. 418 01:39:19,820 --> 01:39:22,698 But Christ had too much faith in humanity. 419 01:39:27,580 --> 01:39:30,253 Humanity doesn't want to be free, 420 01:39:30,820 --> 01:39:32,696 but to be slaves. 421 01:39:39,339 --> 01:39:41,330 And so we, 422 01:39:42,339 --> 01:39:44,330 we above all others, 423 01:39:44,939 --> 01:39:47,134 have chosen His freedom. 424 01:39:48,019 --> 01:39:49,691 We, 425 01:39:52,458 --> 01:39:56,417 and we alone, have the right to teach 426 01:39:56,618 --> 01:40:00,770 that it is not the freedom of choice your heart desires that counts. 427 01:40:06,218 --> 01:40:08,732 Not the love you desire, 428 01:40:12,217 --> 01:40:14,128 but the mystery. 429 01:40:20,497 --> 01:40:24,410 The terrifying mystery... of a weak God. 430 01:44:52,442 --> 01:44:57,232 I was created to carry out a plan for which no one else was created. 431 01:44:58,562 --> 01:45:01,030 I occupy a place in the eyes of God, 432 01:45:01,242 --> 01:45:03,039 in God's world, 433 01:45:03,242 --> 01:45:05,597 that no one else occupies. 434 01:45:07,521 --> 01:45:09,557 It doesn't matter if I am rich, 435 01:45:10,401 --> 01:45:14,155 poor, admired or scorned by other men. 436 01:45:15,521 --> 01:45:17,910 God knows me and calls me by name. 437 01:45:20,281 --> 01:45:24,035 He has entrusted me with a task entrusted to no one else. 438 01:45:24,721 --> 01:45:26,711 I have a mission 439 01:45:26,920 --> 01:45:30,037 and in some way I am necessary in His plan. 440 01:45:30,920 --> 01:45:33,309 God did not make me in vain. 441 01:45:53,279 --> 01:45:55,554 IN MEMORY OF MYSELF