( sighing )
( moans ) Mmm.
( kisses )
- Your hair smells good. - Thank you.
- Is it that pear stuff you got? - Mm-hmm.
- I like it. - You like that?
- Yeah. - Yeah?
- I do. Hi. - Hi.
- Mmm... - What?
- I'm so tired. - I'm tired too, shit.
I was hoping you were going to say that.
I was like-- I was like, are we doing this?
Because I don't know if I'm really into it.
Man...
- I love you. - You're awesome.
This is so great.
- Tomorrow though, yeah? - Yeah, got it on the calendar.
- Great. - It's actually better.
We can save the charge. Make it count.
- Save it up.you don't want to waste it. - Save it up.
- Man: Good night, sweetie. - Good night, baby.
- Man: I love you. - I love you too.
( doorbell rings )
( tapping on door )
( ringing continues )
( tapping continues )
( ringing continues )
Man: Ben Coleman, you're under arrest
for the 1997 sodomization of...
- ( shouts, laughs ) - Shhh!
( laughs )
Shush, quiet quiet, Anna's in there.
Fuck, that's right! You've got a wife!
- You're still married. - What the fuck are you doing, man?
What the fuck!
What the fuck are you doing here, man?
What the fuck is this, dude?
- It's my gravitas, motherfucker. - Your "gravitas"?
- What's that? - This?
- Yeah! - I'm pregnant, man.
Well, look at that shit.
- What are you doing here? - Oh, hey!
- Hey, sweetie. - What's going on?
Andrew-- Andrew from the wedding.
- I met you at the wedding. - Oh, wow! Hi!
- Hi! Nice to see you. - Yeah.
What's going on? I'm so sorry for waking you up.
I got you a--
a duck...
- in Mexico. - That is a gorgeous duck.
Thank you very much.
- You know, it's one of these. - Oh, yeah.yeah, sure.
What a perfect spot.
- You guys, this is amazing. - Thanks.
No, this is fucking incredible.
- You got the car, you got the wife... - Mm-hmm.
- You got the coffee table books. - Yeah.
Wow.
Good to see you, man.
- I fucking love you, man. - I love you too.
I love you so much. And I will love you.
I don't love you yet, but just--
- we'll spend a little time together... - ( laughs ) okay.
And I will love you like I love him.
- ( slaps Ben's face ) - Ow.
All right, all right, all right, all right.
Let's get you settled in. I'm assuming, you know...
- Oh yeah yeah! No, you should. - Wanted a place to...
- If that's okay with you. - Of course, of course. Yeah yeah.
Right on, I would love to, yeah.
Of course you're gonna sleep with us.
- I'm sure you have a tent somewhere. - We'll hook you up.
( theme music playing )
( softly ) What the hell was that?
- I'm sorry. - He is amazing!
Yeah, I--
I just want to say for the record I had no idea he was coming.
He just does this.
- Yeah. no, I mean, I... - I'm sorry.
I kind of assumed you would've told me if you had a friend
who was going to show up at 2:00 in the morning.
I'm sorry.
Oh my God!
He's not normally this hyper. He'll settle down.
He just gets really excited. He's like a puppy.
He's like--
Andrew: Are you guys naked in there?
- Hey, man, getting your bed ready. - ( knocks on door )
- ( Anna sighs ) - Come on in.
- I love the hot water shower! - Ben: Feels good, right?
- How's it feel to be clean? - Amazing.
That shower was like the best thing that ever happened to me.
Oh good, I'm glad.
All right.
- This room is great. - Yeah.
- I want to go... - ( clattering )
- Mountain climbing. - Ben: don't worry about that.
( chuckles ) I'm going to--
I think I'm going to go to bed.
- All right, I'll be right up. - Okay.
- Good night. - Good night.
- I love you, sweetie. - Thank you so much.
- See you in the morning. - Love you.
Andrew: I love you now!
- She seems really awesome. - She's awesome.
Yeah, she seems great.
She is.
I was just saying, it's crazy...
that I started out the day in Mexico City and...
- you were in Mexico City today? - This morning.
- This morning? - Yeah.
What the fuck are you doing here, man?
What's going on?
You know I started out--
I've been living in San Cristobal de Las Casas
- down in Chiapas and-- - Whabababa?where?
It's a-- it's a state in Mexico.
The southernmost state in Mexico, but, um, I--
- I've been there. - Really?
No.
But, you know, I started out--
I started an art project with the locals there.
- Mm-hmm. - And, you know, we've still got,
well, I've got to get some funding.
I figured I'd come here and meet
with some grant folks and some gallery folks.
But, you know, honestly,
a big part of it was just--
I was in the airport in Mexico City going, like,
"Okay, where, you know,
where do I want to go?"
And, um-- and then--
and then I thought about you.
I felt like it was time, it was, you know,
kinda well past time for us to--
it's been a while.
- Yeah, just-- get back-- - It's definitely been a while.
- Get back on a page because-- - Yeah.
I mean, dude, we got different lives,
but, like, I respect the fuck out of you
and you're like my brother.
I respect what you're doing too, man. I mean, I really do.
I-- I-- I don't exactly know what it is that you're doing.
I get postcards every now and then with little snippets,
like something about--
like some princess and a hat and a smooch.
Dude, that's the hat...
- The hat I showed up in. That's the hat. - That's the hat?
That's the hat. ( laughs )
In Morocco,
bought for me by a princess.
- Yeah, she bought me a hat. - What a wild life you live, my friend.
Yeah.
Here's the thing is--
you always have the option of doing what I'm doing.
And I don't know that I so much have
the option of doing what you're doing.
Oh, it's easy. Go, you know, you just go to the grocery store,
you find someone with long hair that's a girl,
- start kissing her... - ( laughing )
One thing leads to another, you know?
Then you buy her a ring, you get married, you buy a house and, you know,
soon enough you're converting your upstairs office
into-- into a potential baby room.
- Are you fucking serious? - Not yet, but we're on the path.
We've officially removed the goalie
and now we're just doing free kicks.
- It's more fun that way. - It is more fun that way.
Dude, that's amazing.
That's kind of like the biggest thing you'll ever do!
It's kind of big.
It's the biggest thing anybody will ever do.
Yeah. It's big. It hasn't happened yet, but, you know, we're hoping.
Look, I should get to bed. I got to--
I got to go do the job thing tomorrow.
But, yeah, why don't we just plan on--
I mean, if you don't have plans or anything,
you know, maybe tomorrow night we can just catch up proper.
- Totally. - All right.
This is weird seeing you.
Good weird. All right, man.
( sighs, grunts )
Voy a tener suenos de ti.
Oooba dooba dabba doobey.
- ( keyboard keys clicking ) - ( phone rings )
- Anna: Hi, baby. - Ben: Hey, sweetie.
- How are you? - I'm good. How are you?
Oh, I'm just really excited to get out of here.
Yes, me too. So I got a call from Andrew,
and he-- this is classic Andrew--
he met someone at a coffee shop
and now he is hanging out at her house and--
( laughs )
- Wow. - Yes!
And she's got roommates and they're artists.
And he wants me to come over there and meet them.
So I feel like I should go
- just to kind of go. - Oh, you-- no, yeah yeah.
I was hoping we could all have dinner together.
I just want to get to know him a little bit.
Yeah.
I was hoping we could have dinner--
you want to do dinner?
I could make us some pork chops
or something like that and get a couple bottles of wine.
and we could just, you know, hang out...
You're so sweet.
I just love that the guy busts into your house at 1:30 in the morning
and then you make him your famous pork chops.
( laughing )
You're awesome. I love it.
- So I will go wrangle him. - Yeah?
And we'll be home as soon as we can get there.
Great great. I'll have dinner ready.
- I love you, sweetie. - I love you too, babe.
- Okay. Bye. - Okay. Bye.
( rock music playing )
- Hey.I'm-- - Are you Ben?
- Yes, I'm Ben. Hi hi hi. - I've heard so much about you.
- Oh! Thank you! Thank you! - Welcome, come on in.
- I didn't get your name. - Andrew, he's here.
- I'm Monica. - Monica, okay.
- Jessie, John, Ben. - Hi, guys.
- Wow, this place is really cool. - Oh my God...
- Hi, buddy! - Hello, sir.
- What is this mess? - Come, give me some love!
- Don't touch me, don't touch me! - Come here, come here.
Oh, man.
- Yummy! - What is this thing?
This is my famous Genoese fettuccine--
Genoese. ( chuckles )
( laughs )
Shit, Anna was going to make her pork chops for us tonight,
like, she makes these famous pork chops, to kind of welcome you.
- Monica: Who's Anna? - She's my wife.
- Monica: She should bring them. - That's a great idea!
- She should bring them. - Yeah?
- Tell her to bring them. - We have this incredible...
- standing Friday night feast, music-- - Okay.
Dionysian.
And I think she might like to try my fettuccine.
Yeah.well, I'll call her and see.
- Right on. Check in with the-- - Let's get you a corkscrew.
- Come on into the kitchen. - All right.
( Monica giggles )
How's it going? Hi.
Lily, Ben; Ben, Lily.
- Ben. - Hi, Ben.I'm Lily. Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you too. How's it going?
- You got some tomatoes there? - Making a salad.
Andrew: Do you have a rolling pin?
Is this your domicile?
I end up here a lot 'cause my girlfriend lives here,
but I actually live down the street.
- Got it. - Yeah.
- And your girlfriend is? - Let's try some water.
That's your girlfriend-- Monica?
Monica.
( screams )
( grunts )
- Right on. - They're hitting it off, huh?
Yeah. I didn't want to say anything at first
because I didn't want it to be weird, but--
she, you know-- she likes her boy time.
- who am I to deprive her? - All right, hey.
You know, it's all good, you know, in the hood.
- Yeah, they're hitting it off. - Yeah.
- It's cool. - So,
how do you spend your days?
- I'm a transportation planner. - Hey, sweetie.
- Come here, look at you. - Hi!
- Nice pants. - Woman: Hey, guys.
- How are you? - Long time no see.
( giggles )
I'm going to make a quick phone call,
and I'll be right back.
I'll be-- I'll be back.
( phone rings )
- Hey, baby. - Hey, sweetie. How's it going?
Good good. What time are you guys going to get here?
Um, well, I'm here at the house.
So there's a little hiccup. Andrew, it seems like--
he's wrapped up in potential dinner plans here,
although I'm not sure it's all about the dinner. There's this girl.
Right.
There's another girl that she's interested in.
it's fucking-- I don't even know.
Wha-- oh?
But I'm pretty sure he's going to stay,
which totally sucks 'cause I know you were, like,
- making an extra effort. - Well, whatever.
I mean, that's-- that's fine. Okay.
The other option is, of course, you could come here.
They've invited you. They definitely want to meet you.
Um, it's a little weird.
The place is called Dionysus.
And they're not kidding.
- ( snickers ) - You're welcome to come...
- and "Dionyse" here. - Wow.
No, I think I'll stay and hang out with my pork chops.
Okay. All right. I'm going to, um,
put in a little face time and then I'm going to come home.
And you and I are going to share pork.
That's great.
And then there was, you know, obviously--
our plan for the evening, which we should do, don't you think?
Okay, yeah, that sounds nice.
And...
sorry, I'm just trying to figure out
if this is a girl or a boy on the wall here.
( laughs )
Anyway, I'm going to be home in an hour.
Okay okay.
Hopefully nothing terrible will have happened to me.
All right. Well, you and I are going to have a great dinner.
- Yes, I'm looking forward to it. - And Andrew can suck it.
- I love you. - I love you too, babe.
- Okay. Bye. I'm sorry. - All right, bye.
( sniffs, snaps fingers )
Fuck.
( sighs )
( slow music playing )
Andrew: See, dude, we have to talk about something.
( snickering )
Fuck off.
- Do you even know what it is? - Fuck off.
- It counts your steps. - It's a pedometer.
- What's so funny? - It counts your steps.
I mean, that's so, that's so...
- ( Monica laughs ) - Body parts touching and moving in ways
where you can't necessarily tell what's what or who's whose,
or how many there are.
( all laughing )
Monica: They're really gorgeous. They're really really...
- just aesthetically beautiful. - Lily: Yeah, that's the point.
You know, there's this sort spirituality of that I really like.
Lily: Melding the connection,
the two bodies
becoming one indiscernible, emotional--
I'm just covering myself with peanut butter and letting tangent,
- My dog, lick if off. - ( all laugh )
Man: I love you.
Lily: Whatever floats your boat.
Woman: You do your sensitive spiritual thing.
Ben: What the fuck are you guys talking about?
Do you know about Humpfest? You know,
- the amateur porn festival? - Oh, yeah. Yeah.
No, I have no idea what you're talking about.
Andrew: Okay, dude, "The Stranger,"
the newspaper, has this amateur porn festival
where everybody makes and-- and--
I think, you know, the type of people who are making them
are making very creatively-based
- "porn" films, - Got it. Got it.
Alternative.
Porn films-- and everybody screens them.
And then at the end of it, you know,
they burn the tapes and that's it.
So it's like this awesome art project.
- Cool. - Woman: we're all doing one.
- I'm doing one.totally. - Really? You're doing one?
- Monica: You're doing one? - Fuck, yeah!
- Man: What are you doing? - Monica: Wait a minute.
- Man: What are you going to do? - Something amazing.
( all laugh )
I will make-- I will make the raddest,
most awesome, most beautiful,
- most profound, most poetic-- - Ben: I got it, actually.
What's that?
All right. This blows people away, okay?
Uh-huh.
It's you in a room.
And you're having sex with a girl with blonde hair
with huge fake tits.
- It will fucking blow everybody away-- - ( Monica laughs )
An unprecedented art porn film.
You have never seen me boning before.
I haven't seen you boning before, no.
- But this sounds-- - It is a work of art.
( all laughing )
What are you talking about?
You ain't making a porno. ( laughs )
I'm making an art film. I'm making an erotic--
You're gonna make an art film?
- An erotic art film. - ( snorts, laughing )
- Fuck you. - What? I just don't see--
Dude, don't hate. Don't hate 'cause you can't play.
Don't hate 'cause you can't play 'cause you're all fucking locked up
- ball-and-chain domestic style. - What the fuck are you talking about?
- Don't fucking hate on me. - What?!
That doesn't mean I can't make porn!
- Okay, what kind of porn? - I can go make porn if I want to.
Yeah? What kind of porn would you make?
- What kind of porn would I make? - Yeah.
Let's see. Well, first of all, how are we going to get a camera?
We need-- if you're going to be in it,
we're going to need a macro lens.
- And-- - ( Monica, Ben laugh )
- How are we going to do that? - Monica: Ouch.
- That's complicated. Wait a minute. - Poor thing.
Bring it, bring it.
Woman: You know, I think you guys maybe--
- sticks and stones. - Ben: Um,
seriously, I feel like, you know, you go to google
you do a search for any kind of porn-- it's been done.
If you're going to do this, you have to do something unique.
Otherwise it's like, what the fuck? Who cares?
- Right? - Andrew: Totally.
I should just fuck you.
Nah, we do that all the time.
I'm so sick of that. Everybody's sick of watching that, you know?
Lily: It's not like there isn't gay porn.
It's not like there aren't lots of movies with guys.
Monica: But they're not gay.
There's a lot of dude-on-dude porn.
But there's not a lot of dude-on-dude
- who are... not gay. - Could you even--
Andrew: Totally.
If you could do it, that would be amazing.
I don't know if you could actually do it.
Ben: As in-- as in like, I'll fucking--
I'll pop a fucking pill and I'll be...
( all laughing )
I mean-- okay, this is what we're doing.
Lily: You guys are onto something.
This is what we're doing.
- What are we doing? - Ben: You and me,
- two straight dudes... - Andrew: Mm-hmm.
Straight balling.
- Monica: Beyond gay. - ( Lily laughs )
- Andrew: Beyond gay. - It's beyond gay.
Lily: I know you're like this is all a joke,
but if you will film
realizing this incredible way to express your love
- for your longtime friend, I-- - Ben: It's tender.
- Tender is the butt. - Monica: You know what it is?
I will bow down and give you the trophy.
That would be an incredible piece of art.
It would be beautiful. It would be a beautiful beautiful thing.
It's kind of fucking amazing, dude. I mean, you do this,
you close out the festival. We come home with the trophy.
Dude, I fuck-- I love you...
Monica: It's definitely beyond straight.
...but in a million years,
when you wake up and you're a little bit sober,
you would never do that.
Even in your craziest days you would never do that shit.
Okay, I'm going to book a hotel room for us
- right now. - Uh-huh.
And we're going to fucking get some sweet-ass equipment,
and we're going to shoot a fucking sweet-ass porn film.
- I'm going to book it right now. - Awesome.
What are you doing Sunday night?
Boning the shit out of you.
I'm-- no.
Nope, wrong. Getting the shit boned out of you by me.
- No, boning the shit out of you. - I'm calling 411 right now.
- We'll fucking draw straws. - I'm calling 411 right now.
- Let me hear it. - You want to hear it?
All right here it comes.
I'll hang up if you want me to. I'll let you off the hook.
- Do you want me to hang up? - Don't try to get off the hook,
'cause you're trying to get off the hook.
Hello?
Operator: I'm sorry, what city and state, please?
Seattle, Washington.
- Thank you. What listing? - I'd like the phone number
- for the Boning Motel, please. - ( Andrew snickers )
- Boni? Is that B-O-N-I? - B-O-N-I-N.
One moment.
I'll hang up. I'll hang up right now.
- Andrew: Fuck! - Ben: All right. Get the camera.
Get the camera. What am I supposed to do here? What's the angle?
Monica: First you pull down your pants.
What's the angle on this?
Did you stick it in yet? 'Cause I don't feel anything.
Lily: Do you want me to get a diagram out?
Oh, you'll know.
You won't have to ask.
( snoring )
Whoa.
Good morning.
Pleasant surprise. Hello.
I really don't want to talk to you right now.
- ( moans ) - You want to have sex with me,
- you don't want to talk to me? - I spent a lot of time last night
being mad at you and I just don't want to talk to you right now.
I'm not comfortable with-- I'm not-- what the fuck is this?
I'm not really-- what are we doing here?
Forget it.
Whoa, I'm sorry.
I just think that's a little weird.
What happened last night?!
I spent so much time really trying not to be mad at you,
trying to just understand, but, you know, you didn't give me much to work with.
So can you please explain to me what happened?
Can we just go back a second, real quick?
You just came in here and mounted me like a horse.
And you wouldn't even let me kiss you.
You remember that I'm ovulating right now?
And that we have this tiny little window
that actually pretty much ended last night?
And I was just kind of hoping we might be able to finish it today but--
all right. I'm sorry, all right? I'm sorry. You're right.
- I screwed up, okay? - I just want to know what happened.
I just need you to make me understand.
Andrew was there. He's just like a wild card
and I was trying to just look after him.
And then he was pouring shit.
I got a little drunk and I just needed to sober up before I came home.
And it took you until 3:00 a.m.
To sober up to come home?
I just-- I'm not buying it, Ben.
I mean, you know, Andrew's a big boy.
He's been out fucking herding goats
or whatever he does, and you have to look after him?
- ( sighs ) - I don't get it!
All right, all right, all right.
It was kind of fun.
Oh.
I mean, look, I'm not going to hang out with them every weekend.
These people aren't going to be my best friends.
But it was fun for a night to experience some different people
and some different conversation.
And I enjoyed it, okay?
I just feel like, on the eve of us
making a family and having kids,
we shouldn't be subscribing so much to that lifestyle
that we close ourselves off completely from other experiences.
If anything, I think we should do more of those kinds of things,
- you know what I'm saying? As parents. - Where's the "we" in this?
You left me with some fucking pork chops last night.
I invited you. I mean, I invited you.
You invited me in the most half-ass, like--
- that was before-- - "I don't know if you'll like it here.
It's really boring and weird and uncomfortable,
but you should totally come down. - What do you think I'm going to do?
I know, but that was before it got kind of fun. So I'm sorry, all right?
I don't know, man. I mean, I got to say, just for a second,
I know it was my fault and I screwed up.
But I'm a pretty great husband and I'm always on time
and I'm always stuff. And I screwed up, like, one night.
I feel like I deserve just like--
can I just get a "get out of jail free" card?
Like I just--
can I just get a pass on this one?
I just don't even know what to do with that.
- Yeah, get out of jail free! - And it was not fair.
I mean, that's fine. I'm going to go take a shower.
- We can talk about this. - It's fine.
You're right, it's cool. I shouldn't be mad.
- ( steps departing ) - ( door slams )
I'm sorry. That was my fault.
I'm grumpy and I'm tired and--
can you come back to bed, please?
( shower running )
- Yo. - Hey.
Hey.
- Oh, coffee? - El cafe.
Good deal.
( blowing nose ) Oh fuck.
It's fucking right there.
- Um, can I get that spoon? - mm-hmm.
Thanks.
Is this salt or sugar?
That's salt. You don't want that.
I mean, you might want that.
No, that's not what I want. Do you have sugar?
Yeah, it's up there in that cabinet up there.
Do you happen to have anise seed?
- Have what? - Anise?
No, I don't have anise. What-- anise?
Anise. It's like a--
it's like a herb.
- It's like a licorice seed. - The seed-- no, I don't.
Well, it would be up there if it was here.
I didn't see it. I'm sorry for poking around, but--
No, that's fine, That's fine.
Does that work?
Give me that.
Do you just suck on it or do you swallow it?
- It's got to go under your tongue. - Under my tongue?
You kind of just let it dissolve.
Dissolve?
You're supposed to mix it with anise. It works better.
It's something about the alkaline.
Mm-hmm.
I learned this in Machu Picchu.
- Mm-hmm. - Is it working?
No.
What are you up to today?
I want to get some exercise.
And I want to throw up.
- You want to throw up? - I want to throw up.
I got this nasty shit in my stomach and I want to throw up.
It'll make me feel better. So I'm going to go out and throw up.
Sounds like a well-spent day.
What are you up to?
Um, well...
you know, I wanted to go and see some art
and maybe get laid.
But throwing up sounds like a good alternative.
Mm-hmm.
- ( Andrew grunts ) - Ben: Yeah yeah yeah!
( grunting )
- Nice! - Yeah!
Good shot.
- Four to one. - Fuck, yeah.
- That's good. - Do you have four?
I've got four, yeah.
Ben: Get some shit going.
- Fuck, oh! - ( both grunt )
Shit, man. Dude, watch the dogshit.
- Watch out, here. - So that's a foul.
- ( Andrew laughs ) - Just so you know.
- On me or on you? - That's a foul on you, yeah.
- What did I do? - Um, I was planted...
'cause you did kind of kick me in the balls a little bit.
That was after you threw me onto the grass.
I got a little ringing in my balls right now.
That was after you threw me on the grass. So it's my ball.
Oi!
All right, six to one. My ball.
Dude, I think you've had the ball enough.
Daddy wants the ball? Okay, daddy wants the ball.
- Go ahead. - Daddy had the ball.
Daddy had the ball plenty.
Yep, missed that one.
Now let's do this. Six-one.
Ref!
Yeah, seven-one.
- Let's just keep playing. - Why don't you give me the ball?
- Seven-one. - Why don't you give me the ball?
( both grunting )
- ( both laughing ) - Andrew: Get off.
Fuck!
Get off!
Okay, dude, fucking give me the ball!
- Ben: Aw, fuck! - Oh, Jesus!
Get off! Fuck!
( car horn honks )
( honks )
( softly ) Fuck.
Hey.
That fucking hurt.
That's my bad. Sorry about that.
- You okay? - Yeah, I'm fine.
- You sure? - Yeah.
I fucking hate basketball.
Well, my body hurts like shit,
but my hangover's gone.
It works, doesn't it?
Now all you need is somebody to rub your face in dogshit
and that takes care of it.
( both laugh )
- I'm sorry if that was, uh-- - No no.
I'm--
I'm sure that was just...
post-last night residual weirdness.
Weirdy weird.
( grunts ) Yeah.
I was waiting for somebody to talk about that.
( laughs )
Dude, I'm sorry about that.it's--
- It's fine. - No, it's just a fucking weird scene
- to bring you in on. - You know,
it was a weird night and, you know, it happened, and...
you know, nothing you need to apologize about.
- It's just-- - I mean, come on.
I fucking roll into town and all of a sudden, you know,
you're drunk and talking about fucking dudes
and your wife is waiting at home with a cold dinner
- ( laughs ) That she cooked for us. - Yeah, I know, but, I mean,
you know, she's-- she's fine and I made that decision.
It's wasn't like you dragged me into it and forced me to stay there.
I could've come home. And I wanted to stay
and I had a good time and, you know,
I don't want you to apologize for that.
I get it and, look, we've known each other a long fucking time.
And like I said last night, you know,
We've got really fucking different lives now.
It's true.
And I get that in the paradigm
in which you live,
these weird conversations are not things
that are really appropriate and that, you know,
that I don't-- I don't think any less of you for it.
That-- you know, that--
first of all, let's just, like, take the--
take this down just a second.
You're not as kerouac as you think you are,
even though you've got the headband on.
And I'm not as white picket fence as you think I am, okay?
Like, the black and whites in which you're thinking this
- is a little bit extreme, okay? - Look, I'm saying it--
it's an awesome idea for an art project, but I understand.
I think it's an awesome idea too.
Yeah, but I understand that it's not something
that you can really do in your station.
That's kind of what I have a problem with.
I feel like you're trying to...
I don't know, man. Like, what--
Dude, I'm just--
I'm not going to force you to have sex with me.
That is over, okay? You don't need to, like--
you're not forcing me. I mean, if anything,
I'm calling it out and going, like,
look-- fucking look-- last night was last night.
Yes. Yes.
We were drunk. It fucking happened.
And I'm not holding you to it,
- I guess is what I'm saying. - I know.
But what I'm saying is you don't need to come here and let me off of the hook
based on some preconception of who you think I am, okay?
- It's not-- - You just worry about yourself
and I'll worry about myself, okay?
If that is something that I wanted to do,
then I would do it. And it's not--
I'm not limited because I'm married, you know?
Anna and I have a strong relationship.
You don't really understand what a marriage is 'cause you are single.
And I appreciate that you think you have an idea, but you don't.
We have the type of relationship where if we want to do things,
we will do them. Does that make sense?
I'm just-- I'm trying--
You're trying to make my decision for me.
I'm not trying to make your decision for you.
I'm just trying to be your friend and let you know that it's cool.
That, like, I get it that we're in different spots.
- I know you're saying all this shit-- - Andrew, you need to--
You need to shut up for a second.
Okay.
You're making yourself sound very close-minded and like a fool.
- All right. - Stop trying to let me off the hook.
Because you know what it sounds like?
It sounds like you're trying to put this off on me
as to why we're not doing it because you can't handle it.
Straight up,
- straight up, straight up. - Straight up.
You would have sex with me on film for this project
- tomorrow night? - I could absolutely do this.
You could or you would?
I would do it.
- You would? - Yeah.
'Cause I would.
- Really? - Totally.
But I don't think we should do this 'cause neither one of us wants to back down.
This shouldn't be about us challenging each other.
This should be about us. If we want to make a piece of art,
we should make a piece of art together.
I think the idea is fucking weird, but I think it's great.
It's weird but it's amazing and it pushes boundaries.
And that's what good pieces of art should do.
Do you at least have to talk to your wife?
Yeah, I do. And I'll have a conversation with her about it.
You think she's going to be cool with it?
Absolutely she's going--
I can't predict what she's going to say, but I'm going to have a discussion with her.
I will say "okay, this is an art project that I am thinking about doing."
And we'll discuss it and if she's not cool with it,
then, you know, I won't do it.
But, the thing is, I think she will be
because she understands me and that's what a marriage is: People who are there
to support each other and grow and do things.
Great.
And we have that kind of relationship.
Okay?
- You don't believe me. - No, dude--
- I think you're freaking out about this! - No no no.
- No, listen-- - You don't have to do this.
If you go talk to Anna and you come back to me
and you say it's on, it is fucking on.
Just erase what you just said
'cause I will handle the situation with Anna, okay?
- So you're telling me right now it's on. - It's on.
- Straight up, it's on? - I'm not kidding you.
- Tomorrow night? - Yeah, tomorrow night.
If you're going to back out, do it now, because I'm serious.
Yeah. Well,
I'll be there.
Okay. Me too.
( slow jazz playing )
- Hello-oo! - Hi.
Welcome home.
Wow, that's, um--
- This is really nice. - I'm sorry.
It was my fault. Last night was stupid of me.
- I'm sorry. I love you. - I'm sorry too.
- Thank you. - You're welcome. I'm really--
this is-- this is nice.
I just want to be us, okay?
- Yeah. - I love you.
Thanks. I'm going to put my bag down
- and come-- wow! - Okay. Come sit
and I will rub your feet and serve you...
( laughs )
...and do all those things.
Ben: So there's something kind of important I wanted to talk to you about.
It's kind of an elephant in the room,
or if you will, a duck in the room.
( laughing )
And I just want to say thank you for allowing that to sit on our mantel.
Oh, but it can go away, right? As soon as he leaves--
God bless his soul.
Yeah, as soon as he leaves, it can go away.
It can just go down and live in the storage room?
The fact that you are allowing that to stay up while he's here
is a testament to how amazing a woman you are.
It's just classic Andrew. I mean, it's weird.
( laughs )
- This was really good by the way. - Oh, thank you.
- I'm glad you dug it. - Yeah, I really appreciate it.
You're welcome.
Um, but, yeah, back to the Andrew thing,
I mean, he's just--
he's just lost, you know?
Um, and even last night, you know,
I just was watching him at that party
and he's just, like, trying to get something going in his life, you know?
The good news is actually
he met some people there last night,
you know, kind of just his kind of peeps. And they, um,
they're all involved in this sort of art festival.
And they've invited Andrew to be a part of it...
Wow.
...and sort of add his own piece to the festival.
That's great.
So he's totally psyched. And he's, like,
"Oh, man, I need your help!" So I was like,
- "sure, of course I'll help." - Oh, that's so cool.
Not that I know art.
No, that'll be great though. That's so great.
Is it a festival that they put on themselves?
It's this cool thing, actually, that "the stranger" does.
It's like this film festival that they put on every year.
I hadn't heard of it. And they make these kind of artsy
- films about-- - It's not Humpfest?
- What's that? - It's not Humpfest, is it?
Um, I'm not exactly sure.
- That might... - The-- the porn festival?
"The stranger" does a porn festival every year.
I didn't know necessarily what it was because I hadn't heard of it
but their take on it was it's an art festival
that is about reclaiming pornography back to an art place
instead of like a disgusting place that we all know it as--
- was my understanding of the project. - Is--
is somebody having sex in his film?
Yes, as far as I understand.
( snickers ) And what are you doing with the--
I just told them I would help, you know? So I'm just going to like--
you know, lackey stuff is what I'm assuming, you know?
I don't know what the...
job roles or titles are or would be,
but I'm assuming I would, like, um...
maybe I can like make them breakfast or something, you know?
Like feed the crew 'cause I know it's like a low-budget kind of thing.
Or I could bring coffee in or, um,
you know, if they needed like copies or something,
I could just run to Kinko's and make some copies,
or, I mean, I don't know. I think I just--
I'm not an artist and, you know, that's not my thing.
And so I just want to lend my support 'cause he's super excited
and they're going to do it tomorrow night.
And I figured, "you know what? I should lend a hand on that."
So, you know, I thought that was pretty cool.
Um...
I don't know,
you know, I thought it was...
you know, we don't have to-- we can talk about this later.
Let's just enjoy our dinner, okay?
I love you.
( jazz music playing )
( door creaking )
Ho!
- ( Monica laughs ) - I just touched some rubber cocks.
- Did she scare you? - Dude, who the fuck are those for?
Don't be scared. They don't bite.
- Hey-yy... - ( girls laughing )
How about we go au naturel for a while?
Au naturel? I already have a lover with a cock.
Lily: This is what
- I want to do tonight. - It's true. And I don't want...
- right right, but-- - ...one cock to disappear
because there's a new cock in town. Like, it's just--
that's not the way it's going to happen.
( both laugh )
I'm sorry.
Andrew: Look, let's try, maybe for tonight,
using my machinery. See how it goes
and if all parties aren't satisfied...
- ( Lily scoffs ) - Then we can bring--
- Lily: Oh. - That's just not how it goes.
- It's just not how it goes, honey. - You know--
- Monica: It's not, I'm sorry. - Uh-huh.
All right. No.yeah.
- Aww. - No no no, it's cool.
- You really don't have to be threatened. - Yeah.
No no, it's-- no, it's cool.
It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. I'm just--
Yeah.
- I'm really disappointed. - Yeah, me too.
- Monica: It doesn't-- - No, I'm sorry.
- I'm such a fucking square. - Oh.
I'm sure that I will see you some other time,
some other place.
And, um,
au revoir.
( whispers ) Boys.
- ( laughs ) - Fucking boys.
( both laughing )
( distant barking )
( faucet running )
Hey.
- Hey. - I didn't mean to startle you.
- shit, I'm sorry. - That's really sweet of you to clean up.
- Oh, no no, it's nothing. - ( turns faucet off )
I was just going to get a glass of water.
I still have a couple yet to wash though.
Just leave them. I'll do them in the morning. It's no big deal.
I can-- I can finish.
You guys had a nice dinner?
Yeah yeah! Ben cooked.
- It was really-- it was great. - Oh, that's very sweet.
The leftovers on the plates as I was scraping them off smelled very good.
There's more in the fridge. Have you eaten?
No no no.
I wasn't fishing. I just-- you know,
it was a dumb compliment. Sorry.
( chuckles ) Are you, um,
how was your night?
It was-- it was strange.
It was all right. It was all right.
- I should go to bed. - Oh, really?
Um, do you, um--
do you wanna--
do you want to have a drink with me? ( laughs )
I just-- I feel like I haven't had a chance
to get to know you at all and I'd-- I'd love to.
- Yeah, sure. Totally. - Yeah?
Okay, cool. I just-- I got some, um--
we got some scotch when we moved in
and I guess it's really good. Um...
- ( both laugh ) - And-- and,
like, I was going to perform spoken-word poetry.
( both laughing )
I had to write a paper.
Well, listen. Listen listen.
So he literally pulled out for a non-paid internship.
- Wow! - And he backs out.
He backs out on the entire trip which we had been planning forever,
which we've got nicknames for-- like, we were calling each other Sal and Dean.
It's like, you know? And I did--
I did the trip, but, um, uh...
I couldn't actually manage to turn anything in.
So I never graduated. And that is why I'm not a college graduate.
( laughs ) That's so sad!
And I still to this day blame your husband.
As well you should.
What a dick! ( snickers )
Totally.
( both laughing )
- Dude, you're cool. - Oh, I'm so glad you like me!
- You are far cooler than you look. - Oh...
no, I didn't-- no, I didn't mean that.
- I just meant that-- - no, I get it.
What I meant was-- what I meant-- what I meant--
was that I am a dick
close-minded motherfucker is what I meant.
- No, it's-- - Because--
I'm sure I look like, you know, Betty Crocker
with my white picket fence outside.
No no no, but seriously.
And, you know, that's what Ben was saying and I just--
like I'm just now realizing that he was right
which is-- he was like, "dude, don't judge me.
Just because I have pleats and a pedometer.
And a wife doesn't mean that, like, you know."
The pedometer is pretty sexy, I've got to say.
You like that shit?
We got a plan for the pedometer for tomorrow.
- Really? - We've got a whole thing, yeah.
What's your-- oh right!
Oh my God, I can't believe I haven't grilled you about this yet!
( laughs ) Tell me!
Tell me all about this. I cannot wait to hear about it.
So-- so he talked to you about that whole thing.
Yeah.
( laughing )
- This is weird. - ( both laugh )
Well, I mean, you're going to have to get used to talking about it.
I guess so. I mean, it's weird, but, like, you're awesome.
And you're making it less weird, which is great.
Well, I just-- I guess I just feel like,
in the long run, what's the big deal, right?
- I mean... - Totally.
Totally. I just don't know...
I mean, I just have to say, like,
that's astoundingly open-minded of you
- in a really good way. - Jesus, I guess I just--
I just didn't really realize what kind of a square
- you thought I was before. - ( both laughing )
No, it's just that-- you know, I mean,
there are people who I know who are like
in kind of secretly polyamorous relationships,
but it's only the people, like, who are really fucking honest
which is what Ben said that you guys were to each other,
who actually make it function. But, you know, it's--
I mean, not that it's polyamorous.
It's like one fucking night. It's not like--
it's not like it has to have...
What are you talking about?
...implications for your whole relationship
- or anything. - I have no idea what
- you're talking about. - Me and Ben having sex on film is like,
you know, is kind of crazy.
Hang on. Wait wait wait.
( faltering )
So...
so the movie tomorrow is--
is-- is you and Ben having sex?
Right. ( laughs )
- Oh, well, no. Not-- not-- - Yeah.
- Wait wait wait wait.what-- - Ben.
- Ben!Ben! - No no no, he-- wait wait wait.
- Wait, it's not-- - No no, it's okay.
- It's fine. It's fine.Ben! - No no no no, it's not.
What happened? What happened, what happened?
What's going on? What happened?
- I-- - Did you do something?
Shut the fuck up, both of you, right now.
- Okay okay okay. - What the fuck is going on in here?
You said you were going to tell her and she said she knew
and then I just talked about it and I guess she didn't know.
You told her?
( softly ) "You told her?" ( snickers )
Dude, you said you were going to tell her at dinner.
- I was going to tell her. - We were talking and I got--
I planned on telling you at dinner and I got-- fuck!
- Okay. - Anna: are you--
this is not the way I wanted this to come out.
I wanted to tell you at dinner. I planned on telling you.
It just-- the conversation didn't go well.
I could see you were freaking out about the word porn
- and the porn angle. - "Freaking out"-- I was freaking out.
I'll show-- I-I--
I cannot even believe I'm standing in my kitchen
talking to you about...
- Ben: okay. - ...making a porn film with him!
- Okay. - Tomorrow? I mean,
I just, I-- ( breathing heavily )
Ah-hh!
- Just-- what the fuck!? - Ben: Okay. All right.
Okay. Okay okay okay.
Let's just calm down for a second. Let's just--
I just-- can you-- can you tell me why?
( stammers )
Why is this even happening?
Just-- just calm down.
( softly ) Can we go in the bedroom
and have a conversation, please?
I'm right here. Let's have a conversation.
Okay.
I need you to tell me why you're doing this.
I don't know why I'm doing this.
I know it's important to me
and I don't see the reason why we have to get all worked up about it.
I'm going to go to bed.
( door slams )
I should, um--
I should go talk to her.
I'm so sorry.
Dude, it's not your fault. It's not your fault.
Not even. Nope.
I'm-- I'm gonna--
should I go somewhere else?
I just don't know if it will help or hurt if I'm here.
- You're fine. You're fine. - Okay.
- Yeah, you're fine. - All right.
I think I basically just need to sit with her
and I need to...
just talk it out. She's pretty good about, um...
I'm beginning to feel like a total fucking fraud.
I guess that the way I like to think of myself
and the way I actually am are...
um...
maybe more different
- than I'd like them to be, you know? - Mm-hmm.
I think I was 17 when somebody asked me, you know,
what do I want to do when I grow up.
And I said I wanted to be an artist.
And I don't think...
no, actually I know I've never completed
a single fucking project in my entire life.
Can I tell you something I've never told anyone before?
Yeah.
When I first moved to Seattle, when I was 18,
I was really lonely.
I would just rent movies all the time
because I didn't have any friends.
And there was this guy--
a video-store clerk there
who recommended a Frank Lloyd Wright documentary to me
and I normally don't take recommendations,
but I was like "sure." Something about him made me just say "sure."
I watched it and it was kind of dry, you know,
and kind of boring
and I brought it back to the store the next day.
And he looked at me
and I told him that I thought it was great.
I don't know why I did that because I'm not really a people pleaser,
but there was something about him.
And then I quickly discovered that it was the first disc
- in a 10-disc series. - ( Andrew laughs )
( laughs ) So he handed me disc two which I went home and watched
and liked even less. And I was determined to go back
and tell him the truth this time.
And when I got there
and I looked at him,
I said,
"disc two was even better than the first one."
And it continued on in this cycle.
I would see him every day and rent discs all the way through disc 10.
And when I was done, I was really sad
that we weren't going to have that to talk about in the store anymore.
So I went home
and I couldn't stop thinking about him
and those, like,
dorky-hemmed jean shorts
and his pale, kind of overly hairy legs
and then just the blue eyes just popping out.
And I started imagining kissing him
and it wasn't actually that weird.
And then I started thinking about his balls...
( laughs )
And like how hairy they would be
and I got so freaked out
and I never went to Island Video ever again.
I just feel like you should know that because, you know,
I know I'm pretty sure my motives are pure,
but I mean I had a moment with that guy,
like I felt something.
You know?
Yeah.
Um...
I don't think I've ever had one of those moments.
It's pretty weird.
But again it's almost like, um...
I'm around all these very open-minded people,
these artists and these travelers all the time.
And I almost get embarrassed, like,
that, you know, I haven't been with a guy
or that my mind is not open in that way.
I wasn't with this guy. I just, you know...
- No, I'm not-- - just making--
- I'm not saying that you were. - I'm just making sure you know that.
No, I'm just saying for me that, um...
( whispers ) Yeah.
Dude, you're not gay.
I don't think I'm gay. I just thought--
No. I mean, you're pretty solidly not gay.
I think-- yeah. I think the same thing about you too.
I just-- I just--
I wish I was more gay. I feel like--
tomorrow would be more fun.
( both laughing )
Oh, tomorrow.
( instrumental music playing )
( steps approaching )
( sighs )
How you doing?
It was a long night.
Yeah.
( sighs ) Okay, um...
I don't really understand...
why I want to do this.
I just know
that I feel pretty deeply compelled.
Um...
and the only way I can think to explain it is like
I have, you know, different sides to me,
different sides to my personality, you know?
And when we met, one of those sides in particular really connected with you.
And it was exciting. And I was excited to build a life with you
and to get married and buy a house and have children.
And that side swelled
and grew so big that it became an ogre
and crushed all the other sides to me.
And...
I think that's fine in general.
Actually, you know what?
It's probably not fine, because I'm here right now
wanting to do this and--
then you should do it.
Really?
Yeah.
Are you serious?
You know-- ( scoffs )
You talk about how you've got all these other sides to your personality
as though I'm a cardboard cutout that, you know,
stands in the kitchen and makes dinner.
There's just as much to my world
that doesn't involve you as there is to yours.
There are just as many parts of me that aren't necessarily fed by this.
Okay okay, that's fair.
Like what?
( chuckles ) God.uh--
( sighs )
When I went back to visit molly...
um, about a year and a half ago...
we went to a party
that some of her friends were having in this crazy loft thing.
And, um,
I had a lot to drink...
and I made out with somebody in the bathroom.
( gasps )
And it was great. ( snickers )
And, um...
I--
I was so happy to come home
after that.
I just knew what I was coming home to, you know?
And I knew what I wanted.
But you said it was great.
It was.it was.
- It was great. - Wow.
Wow.
Um... ( sighs )
Okay.
All right.
( stammers )
It's like pistons firing in my body are just prepared
to give you one of my classic guilt trips.
And...
um...
( sighs )
I guess I can't really say shit.
( both snicker )
I thought you were just saying that
when you said there were other sides to you. I didn't realize...
- wow. - Look,
I'm not going to pretend to get
what this is that you're after
with this whole thing with Andrew.
I don't know that I'll ever be able to understand.
I really want to guilt you right now.
Shut up and just listen to me for a minute, would you?
I really--
- I just-- - ( softly ) fuck.
And I know that it's not the same thing,
but I feel like you have to see this through
because I don't want to live with you
with that buried in you.
I just-- I need you to get this out of you
or decide that it--
you know, that it's bigger.
But I think that it's better that you figure that out now
before we have a baby.
( softly ) Wow.
( instrumental music playing )
( elevator dings )
( sighs )
( sniffs )
( grunts, sighs )
( gargles )
( continuous tapping on door )
Who's there? Who is it?
- ( tapping continues ) - Howdy, partner.
Come on in.
I got us a honeymoon suite. Check it out.
Hey.
- Hey, yo. - Nothing but the best.
Come on in. Put your bag down.
It's, uh...
- very beige. - Yeah.
It's got all the basics,
got all the elements.
Dude, I got the camera here. Check it out.
All right.
It's not exactly what we envisioned, but...
just if you think about it another way,
- like straight-- just home-- - ( laughs )
It's like straight home movie. Think about it though.
Yeah, it's like--
what this is about is about two dudes--
it's like $5 Czechoslovakian porn.
It's like we don't know how to make porn.
We make it with this, you know what I'm saying?
- Okay. - So that's part of the slant though,
which is like--
I'm guessing you didn't get me a star filter.
I didn't get you a star filter, but apparently
there's actually effects inside of here.
Okay.
Or we can put it in iMovie
- and just do shit with it too. - Awesome.
I don't know. I'm thinking about this project
and I'm thinking about what makes this really really interesting, you know?
And it was always the fact that it was two dudes--
- two straight dudes boning. - Mm-hmm.
- Okay? - ( snickers )
So how the fuck are they going to know that we're straight unless we tell them?
Unless we, like, you know--
do like a testimonial kind of thing?
- yeah. - That's what I'm talking about.
I mean, I do think in all fairness that,
you know,
if they look at me, they'll kind of know that I'm straight.
Can I get you-- yep.
- Here? Cool. - Perfect. You're perfect.
All right, we are recording.
- Yo. - Yo.
- I'm Ben. - I'm Andrew.
And we're about to make this movie here--
Our film.
Yeah, in a couple of minutes.
But we just want to tell you a little about ourselves.
We're old friends from college,
but we've kind of gone down different roads in life.
Ben has become Mr. Motorcycle - adventuring man.
I got married and have a really nice house and a wife and stuff.
Um, he came to visit me two days ago
and we were out at a party and we heard about Humpfest.
And, um, kind of as a joke,
we thought it-- like, how cool would it be
if two straight guys had sex on camera?
The funny thing was we were drunk when we first came up with the idea
and then it evolved into this weirdly straight-guy macho thing
where we're like, "No, I'm more man, I'll fuck you."
No, I'll fuck you.
- No, I'll fuck you. - I'll fuck you. And then it kind of
transcended into something more
and we're still trying to figure out what it is.
But we're here and, um--
I guess you'll see what you see.
We don't even know what you're going to see because we haven't done it yet, so.
Cool, I liked it. I'm cool with it if you are.
Fine.
So... ( snapping fingers )
At some point we may want to watch it back, but.
Yeah. I'm good for now.
So... sweet!
Cool.
- You know what? - ( snickers )
It's--
the fucking weirdness is starting again.
Totally.
We need to not sit around and talk about this
and we need to just fucking--
I think we just need to start basically.
And I'm going to count to five
and we're going to kiss and we're just going to fucking do it.
Basically, I think if we just get going, it's like--
okay.let me just-- I'm going to piss.
Okay.
All right.
Mmm...
hurry up!
( toilet flushes )
- Andrew: All right. You ready? - You ready? Yep.
- You ready? Ready? - I'm ready. Five--
Both: Four, three, two, one.
( sniffs, smacks )
It wasn't that bad.
( laughs )
- Yeah, no, it-it-- - I mean--
it's weird. I've never kissed stubble before.
- Wasn't that bad. - It wasn't terrible.
It wasn't terrible. No, it wasn't terrible.
- Yeah, that was awful. - Dude, that was awful.
Okay, this is going to be hard.
Yeah, that puts a little wrench in the works, doesn't it?
We might have to impose the "pretty woman" rule.
- No kissing. - No kissing.
No kissing. Okay, that's fine.
Actually, the intimacy of kissing might be what makes it harder.
- We might just need to fucking-- - ( exhales )
( blowing softly )
Um...
fuck it!
Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it,
fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it.
- All right. Fuck it. - cool.
- Fuck it. - Do it.
- Fuck it. - Go...
still got it, baby, right here! ( smacks stomach )
There's a six-pack under there.
- Deep deep under there. - socks.
- Socks! - Socks!
- Right. - socks!
( exhales )
Um...
- Yeah? - ( exhales )
All right.
- Do it! - Fuck!
Do it!
All right, all right.
Dude, we've got almost the same boxers on.
- Love it. - ( groans )
Okay.
- Good step. Good step. - ( slaps belly )
Can I just make an observation for a second? Like--
you're-- it's weird because you're an attractive person.
I can see that. I could see a girl looking at you
- and be like, "got a good-looking guy." - Uh-huh?
Good build and stuff like that. It just, um...
you think maybe we took our clothes off too fast?
Just in terms of kind of like...
- I just feel like-- - No, I think that's true.
- Ben: Okay. - Yeah.
Okay.
I think it's important for us to keep a hard line on each other tonight,
like it can be a lot of mental trickery and I think one of the problems
- we're having is we're like... up here. - In there.
As soon as we get up here, it's like "whew!"
Yeah yeah yeah. It's one of those things that you just can't fucking think about.
We need to let bodies, like, take over.
Dude, I think we kind of pussed out.
I mean, I think that if we're going to do this,
if we're going to fucking do it,
then we've got to get comfortable.
- Ben: Right. We establish a rapport. - We just have to go.
I think you were right. We jumped in quick, but I think part of that's just
it's going to be fucking uncomfortable
and we've got to, like, we've got to get through the discomfort.
You're right, we backed away. You're right.
So we need to just fucking plunge forward
and take the next step.
Can I suggest something a little weird?
- Yeah, absolutely. - I mean-- ( laughing )
- Yeah. - Um,
can we try hugging without shirts for a second?
Yeah.
- Okay. - Yep...
- okay. - That's not terrible.
No.
It's almost like
we saw each other at a swimming pool
- and hadn't seen each other for a while. - Mm-hmm.
And so,
I mean, we're basically like--
- these could be swimsuits, you know? - Mm-hmm.
Just sharing a particularly extended hug
at the local swimming pool.
Yeah.and we're like, "hey, dude, good to see you.
- What's up, man?" - "How are you?
- Nice to see you."yeah. - "Yeah, you look good..."
- that's great. - Yeah.
Yeah.
You know something we have yet to discuss is,
- um-- - I know what you're going to say.
The-- yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, dude, I have no clue.
I have no fucking idea.
I mean, the backup option if nothing is happening
is like one of us is in the bathroom, like,
kind of just getting it up
and then they just kind of run in and, like,
go while it's going. Which sucks because it's like--
we can try that. I'm sure that if I went in the bathroom,
I could kind of get myself revved up.
But I'm not sure when I actually had to come,
you know, perform,
whether, you know,
whether I'd be able to do the job or not.
Yeah.
When you start thinking about that,
it's just like if we're going to do this
- it should be good, you know? - Mm-hmm.
And it should be like a piece of art.
And I mean-- so, yeah, I guess I'm being-- I don't know.
- it should be-- - I mean, I don't even know, like,
art is such a-- you know,
- art is such a fucking, like, "thing." - Yeah.
I just think-- I think if we're going to do it,
it has to be like a fucking experience and not just like--
not just like we're doing it to get through it.
Close my eyes and--
- Yeah. - It's got to be something that we do
- because, you know-- fuck! - Yeah.
Like--
like we didn't think we could do it and we fucking did it.
And I don't know how to actually get there and that's the tricky thing.
You know, it's the difference between this
- and fucking bungee jumping, dude... - Mm-hmm.
...is that bungee jumping, you just walk to the edge and fucking jump.
And then the whole thing takes care of you.
And you don't have to have a fucking hard-on to bungee jump.
Yeah. ( slapping thighs )
This is hard.
- So here's where I'm at... - Okay.
..I don't want to be a pussy.
I don't want to chicken out on this, all right?
But I can't help thinking...
what exactly...
about two straight dudes having sex on camera
is a great piece of art?
And not to overanalyze it or anything,
'cause art is a feeling thing
and it's not a thinking thing,
but, like, I'm just starting to kind of look at it
and I'm like...
you know what I'm saying?
( snickers )
And we should be really careful here
because we don't want to let each other off the hook.
No, but what's interesting about it is
I think--
you know, and again,
I'm not-- I'm not saying
let's run away from it. Let's shitcan the idea.
Yeah.
But-- but...
the fact that we picked this as this hurdle...
Mm-hmm.
Was almost arbitrary. It was almost like it kind of came up--
in this drunken moment and we went with it.
It could've been anything.
It seriously could have been fucking anything.
It could've been fucking anything.
- It could've been bungee jumping. - Yeah! Right.
It would have to be a little more momentous than that, but--
like hiking across Bhutan or something like that.
It's weird. And when you say something like "hiking across Bhutan,"
I don't even know what that is, but I know that
- in the experience of doing that... - Mm-hmm.
We would probably enrich our lives actually a lot more
than just trying
to fucking tag ass in a hotel room...
( Andrew laughs )
...and force it. You know what I'm saying?
We would get exercise. We would have good conversations.
We'd get to know each other. We'd meet weird people.
We'd eat new foods,
- be in a different surrounding. - Dude, we're fucking...
we're pussing out. Are we pussing out?
We're doing this because...
it scares us more than anything else.
I'd be pretty amped to go to Bhutan
and not particularly scared.
That is a really good point.
There is nothing in this world...
that I want to do less
than what we're talking about doing.
( snickers )
I mean, that's something. That's something.
So I guess the question is
is--
is that a reason to go through with it?
- ( sighs ) Something just hit me. - Mm-hmm?
I think...
we might be morons.
That this whole fucking idea...
is built from the planet moron,
- like-- - but with the best of intentions.
Great intentions, dude. Great intentions,
- but, like, clearly-- - ( laughs )
Clearly, there are other places to put this kind of energy.
I mean, here's the thing. For me, it's, um,
you know, I just want to fucking finish something.
Yes.
And this was the thing that I was, like, you know,
"I'm finally going to do it. Like, I'm finally going to fucking see something through
- and finish it" and-- - You chose the wrong thing.
( both laugh )
And I could've chosen something much more awesome.
Dude, I mean-- Um...
( chuckles )
Man.
- Can I just say something here? - Mm-hmm.
And if you don't agree, that's fine,
but I just want to throw it out there and test the waters.
I think we should put on our clothes.
( sighs )
( snickers )
( both laughing )
( groans )
Ben: You want to--
you want to get some room service?
Yeah. Hey there, I'd like to order room service, please?
Um, two steak sandwiches. Do you have milkshakes?
I would like one strawberry milkshake
- and-- - Chocolate-strawberry mix.
And a chocolate- strawberry mix.
- ( Andrew laughs ) - Still got it.
- Oh.
Yeah.
Man...
I think I'm in deep shit with Anna. ( laughs )
- I think I'm in really deep, man. - Why?
I fucking dug my own grave, man.
Jesus, what I just put her through.
Poor thing. I feel so terrible.
Yeah.
I am so lucky that she puts up with me.
She loves you.
Yeah.I hate to say it, dude,
but I think I need to go fucking--
( laughs ) I might need to go start my reparations
immediately.
As much as I want a steak sandwich and a milkshake,
I think I actually might have to go...
um, I might have to go see her.
- Totally. - You know what I'm saying?
Fuck yeah.
But, dude, fucking live it up here
and munch my shit
and drink my milkshake
and charge whatever the fuck you want to the room
- and put 'em up. - Mm.
Give it up, man.
I love you, bud.
I love you too, man.
All right, I'll see you tomorrow, okay?
Pick you up, we'll go do something stupid.
Not this stupid. Something stupid,
something fun, all right?
( sighs )
( beeps )
( rewinding )
- Ben: That's not terrible. - No.
It's almost like
we saw each other at a swimming pool
and hadn't seen each other for a while, you know?
- Andrew: Mm-hmm. - And so,
I mean, we're basically like--
these could be swimsuits, you know?
( laughing )
- "Nice to see you." Yeah. - "You look good."
( recording continues )
( laughing )
( slow music playing )
- ( bong bubbling ) - ( phone line rings )
Operator: Sir, I'm sorry. Seattle, Washington,
for the Boni Motel, spelled B-O-N-I, I have no listing.