Oh!
Oh my God, oh my God.
Hello. No one is available to take your call.
Please leave a message after the tone.
Sammy boy.
Big day today. It's going to be great.
Will you call me after your meeting? I need you to talk me down.
You're going to wear the blue shirt, right?
Ugh, this happens to me every time I host a party.
There's this moment beforehand where I prepare myself to learn
that I'm not nearly as well-liked as I thought I was.
Tuck tuck. Don't forget to tuck.
Ugh, this is weird, Sam.
You've got to admit, I'm having a weird party.
Okay, why am I still talking? You're probably gone by now.
Oh look, you're calling me.
- Hello? - This is bad.
- What? What happened? - I overslept.
Sam, the meeting's not till 10:00. You'll be fine.
Oh, I fear success. Why do I fear success?
What are you talking about?
I went out last night trying to fuck up my life and it worked.
Wait, before we get to you, can you come early tonight?
I'm convinced no one's going to show.
You're wrong, but I'll get there early.
- When? - First thing.
Oh, I fucked this up bad.
- I'm so fucked. - Sam, breathe for me.
- Take deep breaths. - Whew.
Good. Now listen to me.
It's going to go amazing. Because you know why?
- Why? - Because it has to.
You're the voice of our generation.
- That's a lot of pressure. - Sorry.
Okay, I'll see you tonight.
¶ Do I believe in this ¶
¶ Or is this the only way to get around in my life? ¶
¶ Do I deserve this? ¶
¶ No, you deserve much better ¶
¶ In your life ¶
¶ Thinking of you, thinking of you ¶
¶ So what can I do when I'm thinking of you? ¶
¶ Do I believe in this ¶
¶ Or is this the only way to get around in my life? ¶
¶ Do I deserve this? ¶
¶ No no, you deserve much better in your life ¶
¶ In your life ¶
¶ Thinking of you, thinking of you ¶
¶ So what can I do when I'm thinking of you? ¶
¶ Thinking of you? ¶
Stop.
I said stop.
Stopping 14th Street. Next stop 23rd.
Stand clear of the closing doors.
It's okay. We'll just, um...
it'll be okay.
Uh, hey.
This... this kid got separated from his mom on the train.
- So? - So? I gotta... what do I do?
Well, take him to the police station... 21st and Third.
Thanks. Come on. Let's go. Let's go.
Hey, what are you doing? They're going to help you.
I gotta leave you here, dude. I don't know what else to do with you.
Fuck! Don't swear.
Do you know your address?
Come on, dude, help me out. I am so late.
What's your name? My name's Sam.
Look, I... I know it's not good to talk to strangers,
but I'm clearly a good citizen or something.
I'm trying to help you.
Subway's two blocks that way.
Good luck.
Smith-Crowley.
Hi. I am ridiculously late
for my meeting with Paul Gertmanian.
- Your name? - Sam Wexler.
Just take a seat.
Smith-Crowley.
Hey, um, when I go in there,
would you mind keeping an eye on him?
What's his name?
Ask him. He likes to chat.
Susan speaks very highly of you.
She told me, "The one thing about Sam is he's always on time
for an important meeting".
Well...
No, this is... this is tightly paced. It's funny.
Engaging characters that sound like real people.
It's...
But... how to put this?
Your protagonist Alan...
- Alex. - Right.
I don't know if you want people to love this guy or hate this guy.
He's kind of ambitious. He's kind of mature.
He's kind of just kind of. Novels are tricky, Sam.
Susan says your short stories are wonderful.
But it seems to us that you haven't
entirely adapted to the longer form.
The novel requires a different kind of commitment than the short story.
Excuse me for one second.
Hey hey! Where are you going?
Ah. Question: who is he?
He's just, uh...
just a kid.
Thanks for coming in.
- t: Bye, Rasheen. - Bye.
- Where are we going? - Toy store.
- Yes! - Kidding.
We're getting you back home and out of my hair.
You're not my responsibility.
Dude, come on.
Not cool, dude. Not cool.
Hey, can we stop running? I'm almost 30.
So look, you're obviously having some family issues.
But whatever. It's childhood. It ends.
Don't look at me like that. You fucked... you screwed up
a very important meeting for me back there.
I think I've been more than accommodating.
Now come on. We gotta get you home.
Your mom's probably worried sick about you.
She's not my mom.
That woman on the train... that wasn't your mom?
Were those your brothers and sisters?
So... where's your mom?
Were you... what's going on? Were you living with that woman?
Like in foster care?
Come on.
- I'm thirsty. - Yeah, I know.
I'm taking you to the place with the best water in the city.
Stay here.
Come here. Come on.
Good. Look cute.
Cuter. Come on.
There, that's it.
Hey! Sorry, that was loud.
Didn't mean to scr...
- are you guys open? - No, not yet.
Can, uh, he get a glass of water?
Yeah sure.
- So who's this? - He's my little brother.
Not my actual brother.
I'm his big brother like...
like Big Brother, Big Sister kind of thing, you know?
- That's great. Good for you. - Yeah yeah.
Good deeds. Good deeds.
It's nice to know there are still good men in the world.
- They're hard to find. - That's what Flannery said, right?
- So, uh, what's your name? - Mississippi.
- That's your real name? - It's what everyone calls me.
I'm assuming it's also where you're from?
Yes, sir.
Wow, what are the odds of that, right?
So great. You're... you're here a lot?
Sadly, yes.
Okay, that's enough. Say thank you for the water.
- Thank you for the water. - Oh, look at that.
You're welcome.
Great, so we're going to... we gotta...
But... come on. It was great meeting you.
I'll come back here and, you know,
drink your alcohol at some point.
- That'd be nice. - Great.
- I'm Sam. - Hi, Sam.
- You hungry? - Yeah.
All right.
Let's get a little snack.
Then we'll get you back home.
¶ Hobos and tacos and broken down Hondas... ¶
- Why can't I stay here? - You can't stay here.
- Why not? - Because you can't.
- Why can't I? - Because I said so.
- I wanna stay here. - You've made that very clear.
You can't stay here.
- Please? - No.
- I really wanna stay here. - Ahh.
- We'll have fun. - I can't hear you.
- Please? - I can't hear you.
¶ Palm trees, exposed knees, I punched Mickey Rourke ¶
¶ But I miss New York. ¶
Fuck! Don't swear.
Let's go.
Look at the time.
Oh, early meaning late.
- I am so sorry. - I forgive you. Get in here.
Wait, this is Rasheen.
Oh. Okay.
- Hi, Rasheen. I'm Annie. - Hi.
You'll explain later?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Oh, how was the meeting?
Okay, we'll talk. Go get drunk.
None for the kid.
- Hey, Sam. - Hey, what's up?
- Hey. - Hi.
- Can I have a cookie? - Dude, it's a party.
You can have, like, 10 cookies.
Go crazy.
- Hey. - Hi.
- What the fuck? - Come on. Child.
Rasheen, this is my cousin Mary Catherine.
We're not really cousins. Parents... best friends.
Look, he's riveted. What's going on?
I'm just... you know, I'm looking after him for a while.
And you thought, "I know what kids love...
alopecia awareness parties".
Kind of. How are you?
- Horrible. - Nice. Where's Charlie?
He's in LA. He's back tomorrow.
- I like that Charlie. - So do I. I'm a mess without him.
This is fishy. Why do you have a small child with you, Sam?
We're going to mingle. It was great to see you.
I'm calling you tomorrow.
Okay, I promise this won't take long.
It's actually just an excuse to get drunk
with the people that I love.
So as a little extra dash of fun, whenever anyone says...
oh I don't know"... follicle," we could all drink.
Follicle!
Okay, now the first thing
most people notice about me is that I am hot.
- Whoo! - Yes! That is correct.
I am superhot.
I am also, in addition to being superdrunk, hairless.
And unlike some of the hot gay men here, I do not wax.
I have a very awesome autoimmune disorder
that we're all going to learn about right now.
The word "alopecia" comes from the Greek...
Uh, could everyone please turn off their cell phones?
- I'm really sorry. - What?
- I am so so so sorry. - What? That is so rude.
I need a drink. Follicle.
Crowd: Whoo!
- Hey. - Oh my God, baby,
I wish you were here with me right now.
I got Dave's jeep and I'm driving on the PCH
and the sun is about to set.
It is fucking unbelievable!
- How's Dave doing? - Dave is amazing!
You know I haven't encountered a single mosquito since I've been here?
It's like a no-mosquito zone.
They're outlawed or something.
Charlie, come home right now. I miss you.
Huh? Oh, baby, you're breaking up.
Charlie? Charlie?
No, one more fun fact.
- Wait, is everyone having fun? - Yeah! Whoo!
- How much things cost. - Every time.
- Hey, thanks. - Bye. Thanks for coming.
- Great party. - Mwah!
I never noticed you didn't have hair.
- Really? I never mentioned it? - No.
- Love you. - Love you too.
¶ Remind me again just what you were saying ¶
¶ When you walked in the room when the music was playing ¶
¶ When I was lost too ¶
¶ But in my own thoughts and I could not find you ¶
¶ Tell me your story, I'm listening this time ¶
- ¶ I can get us some glasses... ¶ - Thanks.
¶ And a bottle of wine ¶
¶ We can sit on the carpet ¶
¶ Sit on the table or sit on the moon ¶
¶ You can reach for my hand, you can say what you like ¶
¶ Or just what you can't stand ¶
¶ Be a boy or a little old man... ¶
¶ Be what you want, even nothing... ¶
Say cheese.
Ah.
Don't worry. I'll destroy that.
Here, let me try this.
There.
Did you have a rough night?
I got a question.
Um... why aren't we better friends?
Um, I wasn't aware we were friends.
Oh, I... I think we would get along really well.
Well...
my best friend's name is Sam, Sam.
I mean, seriously, how many Sams
can a girl have in her life?
Well, you can call me Sam 2.
Sounds like a sequel.
"In a world of Sams,
Sam 2 is so much better".
Oh, that was cheesy. May I?
Help me out with something here, Sam ¶ 2.
- You work in legal, right? - Yes, I do. Yes.
- Seventh floor. - Mm-hmm.
Why are you always lurking around down here?
Oh, come on, everybody knows the party's on five.
Philanthropic giving! Whoohoo!
- Oh God. - Oh.
Can you...
Oh, that's good. That was a good one.
One...
Got it.
Oh my God.
Sorry. Here, sit.
Listen, they're going to deal with you,
get you back home or wherever.
If they ask any questions,
um, just tell them you've been walking around or something.
You know, don't... don't mention my name.
I don't want to get in any trouble.
It was nice meeting you.
So Dave thinks he's going to get this thing off the ground.
- That's great. - Yeah.
He was the happiest I've seen him in a long time.
LA seems to agree with him.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
He says he doesn't miss New York at all.
I knew he'd bail.
He was always way too much of a wimp to stay here forever.
- Do you want to know what I want? - Hmm?
- An omelet. - Oh, wait. I'm just curious.
Why do you hate Los Angeles so much?
Because it's the epicenter of all that is awful.
- Wait. - Feed me.
Dave told me this awesome thing about LA. No, listen.
He says the whole town is like this blank canvas,
and whatever you bring to it... that's what it is.
It's just this random collection of neighborhoods where it's always sunny
and it basically reflects wherever you're at back at you.
So if you're happy, LA is great.
If you're not, LA sucks.
But it has nothing to do with Los Angeles
because... get this...
there's no such thing.
And?
And that's it.
If you don't feed me soon, I'm going to eat your face.
Let's go.
Okay, what's going on?
Dave said what?
He wants to partner with me, 50/50.
But...
we'd have to be out there.
When?
End of the month.
And you want to do it?
What I'm missing, I think, is a great subject.
Like... like the novel, that which is new, you know?
Where's my... what do I draw upon?
- I don't know. - Exactly.
I mean my great shame as a writer
is that I'm just this suburban kid with good parents.
You know, I was fed, clothed,
carpooled... hardly Dickensian.
- You know what I'm saying? - Totally.
I mean you... with your situation...
That's a gold mine.
You got, like, tons of material
all at the ripe old age of whatever.
How old are you anyway?
I don't know.
You don't know how old you are?
When's your birthday?
What are you so afraid of?
I'm afraid my brain is going to melt.
I'm afraid we will never walk anywhere ever again.
I'm afraid we won't care about things anymore
except opening weekend grosses
and Pilates classes.
Yeah, but you know they'd be, like, the best Pilates classes.
There's no art there.
- That's ridiculous. - They have no culture.
New York has everything...
the best restaurants, best theater, museums...
Right, and how many museums do you go to in an average week?
- I'm just curious. - That is not the point.
- Yes, that is the point. - Not the point.
I mean, what good is paying out the nose to live here
if we never take advantage of it?
We might as well live somewhere else and just visit every once in a while
and actually do things.
You know, hit the Met, take in a Broadway show,
Carnegie Deli.
"Wow, that's a really big sandwich.
- I don't know if I can eat all that". - I love New York.
You're miserable more than not.
Yes, but that is not New York's fault.
New York is...
What?
Home.
You're asking me to leave home.
You know this is my job, don't you?
I have to sit here and write things.
It's... it's not easy with you staring at me.
Sorry I don't have a television.
What's your thing? What do you like?
You like art, huh? You like to draw?
Really?
Here, draw yourself a television.
¶ So I have under two minutes to sing you this song ¶
¶ It's quite the challenge actually because I've loved you so long ¶
¶ And I know I'm always writing so you think I'm good with words ¶
¶ But I can hardly express how I feel ¶
¶ 'Cause words aren't why love is real ¶
¶ And I don't know why I love you, I just do ¶
¶ There was a message in a bottle at the bottom of the sea ¶
¶ Somebody mistook rock for paper accidenta-dentally ¶
¶ So their letter never made it to the lover they adore ¶
¶ I had to fish it from the ocean floor ¶
¶ And I know you won't believe me, but I swear to God it's true ¶
¶ The letter said "I love you, but I don't know why I do" ¶
¶ That's exactly when it hit me, that's exactly how I feel ¶
¶ 'Cause though my love is real... ¶
Amazing, right?
Are you sure you don't like these
just because they're a lot of pictures of you?
No.
But I do look incredibly handsome
in this one.
Look at me.
I'm like a dashing Russian aristocrat.
Oh.
What do you think was going on?
I don't know. Something bad.
He says he won't go back.
Well, he's supercute. I say we keep him.
I'm kidding. We can't keep him.
- Sam, don't keep him. - I'm not keeping him.
Calm down.
Sorry about the ball. It's all I got.
Hello?
Okay.
No, it's not like I didn't see this one coming.
So that's the last of them, huh?
No, I'm, uh... I'm fine. Thanks.
Did you know that my three most financially successful years...
in New York City were when I was dealing pot?
You don't need Dave or some crappy town...
to do something great.
- I believe in you. - Why?
'Cause you're my man.
You're my big, funny, floppy-haired man.
We don't need to know everything in advance, okay?
You'll figure out your thing and we'll have money eventually.
That's how it works.
No, not here.
Not always.
I just want to feel like the crap I put myself through is...
I don't know.
No no, yeah, I did. I called him yesterday.
I'm just tired.
- Oh. - Sorry.
So I'm... I'm generally not a happy hour kind of guy,
- but I thought you might like... - Oh, uh, yeah sorry. I can't.
- It's a school night. - Oh, yeah.
- Bye. - Okay, bye.
Oh. Two ships, two ships.
- Hey, Beth. - Hey.
- What? - What do you mean?
Why did you want to see me so bad?
I just... does there have to be a reason?
I don't know.
I still...
Whatever. It's just been a while.
Have a drink with me. Please?
- She hated me. - Not true.
- She hated me. - She didn't hate you.
She just thought you needed a haircut.
Yeah well, I couldn't have been nicer to that woman.
I... I brought her flowers. I even tucked my shirt in.
Wow, shocking that that didn't win her over.
- Nothing would have. - I'm her daughter.
She didn't want me to get hurt.
But I guess in fairness, you know, she was wrong about you.
Oh no, wait. She was totally right.
- Come on. - Mothers are always right.
I fuckin' hate that.
I can handle your mother hating me.
I can't stand the thought that you hate me.
- Hey. - Hey.
- You're back. - A man of my word.
- Mississippi. - Sam.
- M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I? - Very good.
- How's your little brother? - Who?
- The kid? - Oh, good.
Yeah yeah yeah yeah. He's good.
Well, it's great that you do that.
You know, you're... you're really good at your job.
- Am I? - Yeah, I've been...
I've been watching you do your thing.
- You're good. - Wow.
I must be a really good actress
because I fucking hate my job.
- You're an actress? - No.
What do you do when you're not here?
- I sing. - Sing? Songs?
- Yeah, songs. Cabaret. - Ah.
- What do you do? - I write.
- Words? - Yeah, words.
So you sing. Are you... you any good?
Well, you come listen and then tell me.
No, I... I could never come hear you sing.
- Why not? - Because I like you.
That makes no sense.
You happy to see me?
I don't know yet.
This is bad.
I have to work in the morning.
- Some people work. - Hey, I work.
Playing bass in a shitty band
and considering applying to grad school is not a job.
You think the band is shitty?
Well, you were front row at every show.
I was your girlfriend.
That, like, contractually obligated me to be a groupie.
Yeah, but you always...
you just looked like you were enjoying yourself, that's all.
I was.
I did.
All right, let's do this. Tell me things.
When, Mississippi, did you leave Mississippi
and come to New York City?
- When I was 17. - Oh great.
So you've been here, what, two years?
- Aw, nice. - Ooh wait, where's your accent?
Oh, it's here...
when I need it.
Drink this.
Yes, ma'am. Cheers.
Mm!
What the fuck, man?
Why won't you come hear me sing?
- You really want to know? - Yeah.
Because I once dated this girl in college
who desperately wanted to be an actress.
I mean it was all she talked about.
And I finally went to see her in this play.
Bad?
So unburdened with talent it was amazing.
- I mean I had to break up with her. - Because she was a bad actress?
No, I didn't care if she was good or not.
It was... she so believed she was good and it made me feel like,
wow, this girl doesn't know herself at all.
And I think you're terrific. I do.
Therefore, I could never come hear you sing
because it'll change everything if I learn you can't.
- What if I'm amazing? - What if you aren't?
- What if you suck as a writer? - I don't.
Whoa, you are bad news.
Sammy, I'm calling you because you're my sponsor
and I'm about to fall off the wagon.
It happens, right? Don't be mad.
Okay, I'm going to take your not picking up to mean
that the universe wants me to fuck up badly right now.
I'll call you tomorrow and confess.
Fuck!
What's wrong?
- I got bad news today. - What?
I'm a fuckin' failure.
Aw.
Fuck, I was impressive once.
I'm telling you,
parent-teacher conferences back in the day...
I was unstoppable.
- Little Sammy Wexler. - I'll bet you were.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
It's okay to not say anything, right?
I always want to... I always want to talk.
I don't always have to be talking.
You gotta stop me because I'm just gonna keep...
I'm just gonna keep going. I don't know how those things...
Shh.
This way. Come.
Wait wait, shh!
Listen, there might be a small black child
sleeping on my couch, so we have to be quiet.
Might?
There's definitely a small black child
sleeping on my couch, so we have to be quiet.
Okay.
Shh shh!
- Look look, it's my bedroom. - Oh.
- How nice is it in here? - Amazing.
- Hey. - Hey. What?
- I'm not going to sleep with you. - Sure you are.
- No, I can't. - Come on, that's defeatist.
You can do anything you set your mind to.
Ow!
- Shh! - Ah.
- The children. - Oh.
- Does he stay with you a lot? - Well, occasionally.
You know, rough home life.
Sam, I'm serious. I'm not going to sleep with you.
Does this have something to do with Jesus?
- Is that what this is? - No.
- I made a New Year's resolution. - To what?
To not be such a whore.
How's that been going for you?
Well...
- Come on. - No no no no, I barely know you.
All I know is you've got all these sort of idiotic theories, okay?
I'm not going to spend the night with you.
Okay, fine. I don't...
I don't think you should spend the night with me either.
You don't?
I think you should spend the next three nights with me.
- What? - I'm serious!
Stay with me. Three days.
I've got an extra set of keys. You come and go as you please.
I knew that last shot was a bad idea.
What? Come on. This will be awesome.
Look, I totally agree... one-night stands are the worst.
So you want to have a three-night stand?
Yeah.
What is this, like your line or something?
No.
You've said that to other girls before!
I've never even thought this before, but it's totally genius, isn't it?
No, it's like the worst idea ever.
Hey hey hey, you stay here for three days.
Who knows what could happen?
We sleep together once... let's be honest,
the odds are I'm never gonna call you.
You just said that out loud.
Come on. Come on!
- No way. - Move in with me for three days.
My mother warned me about guys like you.
Seriously. It'll be an adventure, huh?
We'll cook.
We'll make obscene amounts of love.
We'll play with the adorable kid on the couch
out there in the living room.
Is this for real?
- Yeah. - We just met.
- Isn't it going to be awkward? - Yeah.
This is... you're not going to want me here for three days.
Yes, I will. I do. I wouldn't be asking you if I didn't.
Yeah, now you do because you're drunk.
Are you going to be drunk for three days?
- Possibly. - You're crazy.
You're going to move in with me for three days.
What are you doing? What are you doing?
Making it official.
Paperwork. Terms.
Hey.
I don't get to weigh in on the terms?
Okay, fine. What are your terms?
If I'm going to stay here with you for three days
I need you to be nice.
Okay.
But I'm going to need you to be naked.
Sam...
I've been feeling a little fragile these days.
I need you to be nice.
Okay.
Sign it.
¶ By the time you get the postcard ¶
¶ I'll say I didn't mean the things I said ¶
¶ The time you wanna touch me ¶
¶ I'll say I didn't really read the books I said I read ¶
¶ Go ahead, ring the doorbell, I'll answer the door ¶
¶ But what do you wanna talk... ¶
¶ To me... ¶
¶ 40 hours ago I was feelin' one way ¶
¶ Now I'm feeling another ¶
¶ Is there supposed to be one thing to latch onto? ¶
¶ I'm feelin' echo and blue silhouettes upon my shoe ¶
¶ Of the person I once really knew... ¶
Hey.
We should do this again sometime.
- You think? - Yeah, like a lot.
Yeah, 'cause that always works out great.
Come on.
Ira, why would I torture myself?
- Come here. - I have to go.
You can be 45 seconds late for work.
You're worried you're going to get hurt, right?
But aren't we past all that? We're great together.
We should just...
It's a bad idea.
Look...
I'm kind of seeing someone
which I... I think makes this safe
because we can't get too into it, which was the problem last time.
But we're not exclusive,
so you and I can still, you know, whatever.
Ann.
Always making me the bad guy.
5206?
5208.
- Damn it. - What?
I thought I had another set of keys.
- Are you working tonight? - I'm singing.
- Oh great. Where? - I go on at 10:00.
What time are you done?
Okay, great.
So, um, I gotta get some keys made and I'll call you after.
- Bye. - Bye.
Hey.
- Did that girl leave? - Yeah.
- Did she say anything? - Nope.
You like French toast?
- Yeah. - Yeah?
All right, let's make some. Come on.
We'll get all Kramer v. Kramer.
Hey.
You okay?
Yeah, totally.
Can I, uh... can I... can I do anything for you?
Nope.
- Weren't you wearing that yesterday? - Please go away.
Sure, yeah.
Ugh! He's a fucking 29-year-old 12-year-old.
That's what he is. That's all I meet.
If there's a 29-year-old 12-year-old within 100' of me,
I will find that motherfucker and I will sleep with him.
It's my one gift.
And they never call. They just text... all of them!
"Hey, what's going on? I haven't seen you in a while.
You wanna come over and fuck?" "Well, fuck you!"
I'm so sick of optimism.
It's fucking exhausting.
Listen.
Why do you give a shit what people like Ira think of you?
Ira...
You should give a shit what people like me think of you.
And I think you're one of the greats. I always have.
Everyone who loves you thinks that, okay?
- Okay? - I love you, Sam.
Are you listening to me? I love you too.
- Now get out there and... - Oh. And get 'em.
...philanthropic give.
That was an uplifting lunch hour.
We're dealing with the kid thing tonight.
- This is getting ridiculous. - Okay.
Hey, Ann.
You don't have to keep it together all the time.
Yeah, the world will love a bald girl who can't stop crying.
Bye.
You know, I'm not crazy about that shirt.
- Why? - I'm your boyfriend.
That makes me down. I don't want to be down.
- It's not about you. - Who else are you dating?
It's just nothing. Who cares?
Yeah well, what about the one that says "I love nerds"?
- I do love nerds. - Well, it makes me feel weird.
Well, Chuck, if you find the "My man's a hot stud" t-shirt,
Christmas is right around the corner.
I just don't know what you're trying to announce, that's all.
That's perfect.
Are you going to throw a jacket down over that or what?
Grumpy.
Okay, this... awesome.
And you know the Clash?
Dude, you don't know the Clash?
I have so much to teach you.
Hi, Sam. It's Mississippi.
Remember me? The girl from last night?
Um... just wanted to remind you I go on at 10:00 tonight.
I... I promise not to suck.
No pressure.
I never heard from you about the keys, so...
I don't know. I'll see you later, I guess.
Okay, bye.
¶ What are you so afraid of? ¶
¶ Why are you feeling scared? ¶
¶ What's the worst that's gonna happen? ¶
¶ Standing in the moonlight ¶
¶ I can tell you feel doomed though nothing is wrong ¶
¶ No, nothing ¶
¶ You say maybe a crane will fall from the sky ¶
¶ Maybe a dove will dive ¶
¶ And die before your eye ¶
¶ It's too early to say ¶
¶ It's too early to say good night ¶
¶ Good night ¶
¶ It's too early to read ¶
¶ It's too early to read by the firelight ¶
¶ What are you so afraid of? ¶
¶ Why are you feeling scared? ¶
¶ What's the worst that's gonna happen? ¶
¶ Standing in the meadow with sunlight in your eye ¶
¶ And a sense of so much sorrow ¶
¶ You say maybe a plane will fall from the sky ¶
¶ Maybe a lover will lie ¶
¶ And die before your eye ¶
¶ It's too early to say ¶
¶ It's too early to say good night ¶
¶ Good night ¶
¶ It's too early to read ¶
¶ It's too early to read by the firelight ¶
¶ It's too early to say ¶
¶ It's too early to say good night ¶
¶ Good night ¶
¶ It's too early to read ¶
¶ It's too early to read by the firelight. ¶
Hi.
I'm here.
I can see that.
I don't know why exactly.
You didn't want to get sued.
Right?
Oh.
- Hi. - Hi.
So I just had a little talk with Rasheen.
I asked about you being his big brother.
He had no idea what I was talking about.
Okay. Okay, wait.
He said you met on the subway. What the fuck is going on?
Hold... hold... hold... hold on. Hold on.
- Just wait. - Who is he? Why is he here?
He got separated from his... he had nowhere else to go.
- How old is he? - I don't know.
- He doesn't know either. - And...
oh my God, do you like little boys?
What? No! He's... he's in foster care, okay?
He's been in seven foster homes in his life.
I... I think something was going on. He says he won't go back.
- Why didn't you go to the police? - I did!
Look, I... I realize I'm in some trouble here,
but I don't know what else to do.
I'm just... I'm letting him stay here until I can figure something out.
- How long has he been here? - Three, four days.
You find a child on the subway and you think you can just...
just keep him here without letting anyone know where he is?
- That's... - And you left him here
while you were out the other night.
No, he was fine. I... I put on some Leonard Cohen.
He just knocked him right out.
I have the worst taste in men.
Sorry.
Hold on. I have some, uh...
It's okay, honey.
Hey, um, can you...
I'm not good with blood.
Congratulations, Sam.
You've just become the most unattractive man in the world.
Hey. Hey hey hey.
- You're really leaving? - Yeah.
- Why? - I'm not a babysitter.
- He's totally mellow. You... - I was talking about you.
You have to let someone know where he is.
- I will. - Today.
- He's... - He's a child.
I can't get involved with this right now, Sam.
I'm trying to get my life together, not fuck it up more.
Look, I'm sorry that I lied to you.
I'm a good person.
- I'm trying to do the right thing here. - You're going to take care of him?
- For now, until I can... - You're a mess.
What, you don't need a project?
I'm a mess too.
Trust me.
So let's...
let's clean each other up.
Bye, Sam.
Sam.
Come home soon.
Sorry.
- Hey. - Are you crazy?
- Why is he still with you? - I'm helping him.
Well, I talked to my friend Jill, who's a social worker,
and according to New York state law, you've kidnapped him.
Are you okay? Do you miss your family?
Is he feeding you?
- What are you eating? - Don't answer that.
Look, I get that this is killer material for a novel.
Sensitive white guy learns life lessons by taking in small black...
- You actually think that I'm... - Are you writing about him, Sam?
This is a big deal.
You can't just keep him. He's not a goldfish.
You need to let someone know where he is.
Look at these.
I'm anxious to see what will happen
if I give him more than two pens and a highlighter.
Come on.
Please fix this. Your mom would be so upset.
And then she's going to call my mom and my mom's going to call me,
and I don't have the energy.
It's okay. I'm on it, I promise.
Okay.
- I think you're good. - Great.
- Hey, Rasheen, say thank you. - Thank you.
Thank you.
Come on, let's go.
- Hey, Sam. - Yep?
- You've spent time in Los Angeles. - Yeah.
- Do you like it? - It's okay.
Would you ever want to live there?
No. Okay.
Come on.
Go.
People shouldn't be able to give him so much shit.
The man's made some of the best movies of all time.
He just makes too many of them.
One every year? Why not one every other year?
Take some time off to recharge,
spend a little quality time with the wife-slash-daughter.
Get out there,
live a little, you know?
- Marry me. - What?
- Let's get married. - What?
Marry me, baby.
- Be my wife. - What?
I'm serious. Let's do it.
I'm sorry. You're asking me to marry you?
Yes.
So?
- You want to marry me? - Totally.
Marriage.
- I'm not buying it. - What?
- There's something off about this. - Wait, what are you talking about?
Did you... did this just occur to you, like, 60 seconds ago?
- "Let's get married"? - No.
I've been giving it a lot of thought
and I think we should do it.
Uh-huh. You got a, you know, ring?
Well, I will.
I mean you will... get one.
I didn't know you'd be a stickler for protocol.
Come on, Mary Catherine,
we're not those people.
Just say yes.
If we're not those people, why even get married?
We make fun of married people.
And didn't I tell you, like, first thing
I didn't think I should ever get married?
- That I come from a long line... - You come from a long line...
- Of divorced people. - That's right.
I'm not genetically wired for it and you said you felt the same.
So why this? Why now?
Love.
Huh.
Wow.
You really want out, don't you?
So I'm trying to let go of the whole idea of... I don't know...
that we have to pay for our joy with sorrow or tragedy,
that there has to be some sort of karmic balance.
But it sure feels that way. You know what I mean?
Mm, absolutely.
You're really smart.
I do this thing...
I can't believe I'm telling you this.
Oh, come on, come on, come on.
Anytime you want an embarrassing story about me,
just let me know. I have tons... tons.
Okay, um...
about a year ago, I was in this cab
and the cab driver, this Indian guy, started telling me...
he started telling me all sorts of stuff.
He... he was just looking at me in the rearview mirror
and he said, "Bliss... bliss is your birthright".
And I was like, "Uh, 45th and Madison?"
And he said, "You have great potential in this lifetime.
The key to your life is gratitude. You do not give enough thanks".
And I said, "Well, how do I do that?"
And he said, "Simple. Say thank you".
And I said, "Well, when?"
And he said, "All the time. Right now".
And he said after I say "thank you," I should say "more please".
- Wait. "Thank you. More please"? - Yeah.
That with gratitude the universe is eternally abundant.
So I've been giving gratitude a shot.
Thank you. More please.
- How crazy am I sounding here? - Oh, no no no no no.
No, not at all. Not at all.
Have... have you noticed a difference?
- No. - No?
I mean yes, but whatever.
Anyway, what got you into photography?
Oh, I wouldn't... I wouldn't call it photography.
What would you call it?
- Well, taking pictures, I guess. - Okay.
Well, why do you take pictures?
Um, I don't know.
When I... when I see something I like looking at, I...
I get to keep looking at it.
You shouldn't be flattered that I came back.
- Why? - It's a bad sign.
The men I fall for are horrible and cruel.
And if I'm here, you must be one of them.
I like having you here.
Well, that's nice.
For the record I still don't trust you.
- You should trust me. - Why should I?
Because someone has to.
There was... there was one time
when I was in the... in the second grade
and we all got these pictures of Santa Claus
that, you know, were left empty and blank
and we were supposed to, you know, color them in.
And so I colored Santa's clothes the way I wanted
and my teacher, Mrs. Porter, she was just...
ugh, she was just this miserable miserable woman.
She grabbed my paper off my desk
and she held it up to the class and she said,
"Samuel here colored Santa's pants blue.
And we all know that Santa's pants are red".
And she ripped up the paper,
gave me a new one and made me start over.
- Mrs. Porter! - I know.
So I ran home screaming and crying.
I told my parents what happened.
And my dad... my dad came to school with me in the morning.
He barged into the teachers' lounge
and he started screaming at Mrs. Porter,
"Who says Santa's pants have to be red?!"
- Yes! Go, Dad! - Right? That was awesome.
- That was awesome. - Wow.
And that was like a... from that point on,
that was like a battle cry in my house, you know.
"Who says Santa's pants have to be red?"
- Yeah, who says? - I know. I know. I know.
So that was awesome. But that's my pop.
What about your dad? How's... what's he like?
- Uh, he's great. - He's great?
- Yeah, he's the best. - Mm.
- This is me. - Ooh.
- Wow. - Yeah.
- This was nice. - Mm.
- Thank you. - No, thank you.
More please?
Right.
I'll see you at work.
- See ya. - See ya.
Dude.
This is really good.
- Sam? - Yeah?
You're my best friend.
Thanks, man.
You're mine too.
So how can I help you?
Well, I have some questions about foster care.
Okay. Uh...
Well, I might be interested in taking someone in
or on or whatever.
- Okay. Are you married? - No.
- Job? - Yeah. Well, freelance.
But I should tell you I don't really know how any of this works,
but I'm interested in taking someone in who's been in foster care.
He's been staying with me and I think the situation he was in wasn't great.
Wait, you have this child with you now?
Yeah.
A child who was in foster care in the state of New York?
Yeah, but he...
And he's living with you, yet you're not his legal guardian?
Why is that?
And where is this child right now while you're sitting here talking to me?
No no no no. No.
I'm sorry.
I'm a writer and I just...
you know, I... I had some questions about the whole deal.
Mr. Wexler, is this your current address?
I'm sorry, there's been... it's fine. Thank you for your time.
Mr. Wexler?
He looks like he should be making balloon animals
at birthday parties.
Why do I have to be with balloon animal guy?
You don't have to do anything. You just... he sounds great, that's all.
I want you to be happy.
And his name's Sam. Come on, that's a strong name.
And this coming from the guy who likes his girls
with belly button rings and the lower back tattoos...
- That is outrageous! - spending half their lives...
- doing spinning classes. - What?
And I'm sure Alabama is a homely fat girl with a kickin' personality.
- Mississippi. - Whatever. Red states.
Sammy,
you said you were going to deal with the kid thing yesterday.
Everyone's getting worried.
I know. I'm...
I will. It's...
- Hi. - Oh, hey.
Um, Mississippi, Annie. Annie, the famous Mississippi.
- And I'm not famous? - Shut up.
- It's so nice to meet you. - You too.
So, uh, you're from Mississippi?
Yep.
What's that like? Don't answer that.
I'm just talking and this is me leaving.
- Okay. Bye. - Bye.
- Oh, hey. - Hi.
- I didn't see you sit down. - Yeah, hi.
Do you remember what you said to me...
- the first night we kissed? - No.
I was wearing this little black cocktail dress.
It was way too fancy for the bar we were at,
but I thought I could pull it off.
You know, like, "Oh, this little number?
Just threw this on. No big deal".
You came and met us.
I was all excited to see you.
And you sat down next to me at the table.
- You really don't remember this? - No.
You looked at the dress and you said,
"Where are you going, prom?"
I'm sorry.
No, it was perfect
because finally here he was...
the guy who wouldn't let me get away with anything.
I always thought of that as the moment you came into focus.
Like, oh, there you were.
And now...
it's like you're out of focus all of a sudden,
ever since you got back... just fainter and fainter to me.
And I'm...
just sad to see you go, that's all.
I don't know if I'm going to go.
Yes, you do.
Make sure you get there kind of early.
I'm going to try and reserve you a table,
but it gets kind of crowded and I don't want you to have to stand.
- So get there kind of early. - We're gonna get there kind of early.
Okay. Are you sure you know where you're going?
Uh, the city's on a grid, so yeah, we'll figure it out.
I'm so excited. I'm kind of excited.
- I'm totally excited. - We are too.
- Okay. Bye. - All right, bye.
See you tonight. Break a leg thing.
- Ah. - Ah.
What do we say if she's terrible?
Tell her she looked pretty.
That's a great idea, my friend.
We're going to do that.
- Sam Wexler? - Yeah?
What... what's, um... what's going on?
You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.
- What's going on? - You have the right to an attorney.
All right, what's going to happen... what's going to happen to the kid?
If you refuse that right, the court will provide one for you.
Okay okay. Rasheen, it's going to be fine.
He didn't do anything bad.
Hey.
I want you to read lots of books, okay?
I don't want you to ever stop drawing.
Just... just keep doing it, okay?
- Promise me. - I promise.
And I'll come to one of your art shows in 20 years
and I won't be able to afford anything, but you'll, like...
you'll, like, sketch something on a napkin for me
and that'll be my retirement fund, okay?
- Okay. - Okay.
Sam? Sam.
¶ One and one is through, you know ¶
¶ The lily grew ¶
- ¶ Between the snow... ¶ - Well...
¶ I thought you knew the lily grew ¶
¶ I thought you knew, I thought you know ¶
¶ Under cover we read plays ¶
¶ Molière, those were the days ¶
¶ Robespierre, the Reign of Terror ¶
¶ No underwear, no wonder we're afraid ¶
¶ My love, what gives? ¶
I don't want to make you...
stay here with me if you want out.
I want you to be happy, even if I'm miserable.
I am not going to be the person who ruins your life...
and shackles you to a city or a woman you don't want.
Oh God. Oh God, this feels so awful,
like some sort of grand manipulation...
when it should be a happy thing maybe.
But I'm totally freaked out and I don't know who else to tell...
- and you're my best friend... - Okay okay. Shh shh.
- in the whole world and... - Hey hey. Shh.
Will you breathe?
Please please.
Good.
That's good. Sit down.
Now tell me what is going on.
I can't.
I'm afraid of what will happen when it hits the air.
You can say anything to me.
You threw a vase at my head three years ago
- and I stuck around, didn't I? - You ducked.
Fuck yeah, I ducked. I have great reflexes.
That's what I'm saying. I can take it.
Whisper it to me.
I will live wherever you want.
- I'll move to LA. - I'll stay in New York.
- We can move to Los Angeles. - We can move to Iceland.
Fuck it. Let's move to Poland.
Beirut! I don't care.
Did you get my message?
I got 12 of them. Were there more?
Look, I... I don't know what else to say.
I don't care that you weren't there, Sam.
Well, what... what do you want from me?
I want you to go away!
You're making me sad, okay? And I want you to leave.
You know how long we knew each other?
A week.
One week.
I mean we were playing house and it was fun, but...
I'm sorry about Rasheen,
but what did you expect was going to happen?
I realized the problem.
You write short stories...
and I think you like living short stories.
But I'm kind of ready for the novel, you know?
All right.
Okay, what are we feeling, red or white?
- Sam? - Hmm?
We need to talk.
You mean the talk where you tell me how great I am,
but you can't get involved and it's not me, it's you,
and you're damaged and you wish you could and...
I refuse to have that talk.
Now would you like red or would you like white?
Sam...
look, I... I'm not... I'm not good for you.
What?
Are you happy?
No, I'm not happy.
I could make you happy.
Seriously, let me love you.
I am totally up to the task.
Actually, I've already started.
- I can't... I can't do this. - No no no no.
Don't... come on, don't walk out on this before it even started.
Please.
Look at me.
I get it, okay?
I get it.
I'm not the guy you had in mind.
But what if you don't know what's best for you?
- And you do? - I believe I do.
Where did you come from, Sam ¶ 2?
Westchester.
Do you want to know why I hang out on the fifth floor?
The first time I saw you...
God, I thought, "Wow!
Her... the girl with the funny headwrap.
I want to be near that girl".
Trust me, I don't normally talk this way,
but I am gone over you.
- Stop, okay? Shut the fuck up. - Why? Why?
Just stop, please. Just stop. Don't say that.
You can hear this.
- Close your eyes. - What?
I just want you to listen to me.
Humor me, please?
It's not easy to be adored.
You in particular... you have a tougher time with it than most.
I get that. But I want you to give it a try.
Think of it as an experiment.
I promise I will be very wonderful at adoring you, Annie.
It's an area where I think I've got a great deal of talent.
You're worth the adoration, Annie.
You're worth it.
And the fact that you don't believe it
has nothing to do with whether it's true or not.
It is true for me
and that is all that matters.
¶ I was sleeping in the lilies ¶
¶ Or was I up all night? ¶
¶ These days it's hard to tell what's half-asleep from fully alive... ¶
Wexler!
¶ We were loving like a landslide ¶
¶ Or were we in a fight? ¶
This writer that I know once told me this great thing.
He said every five years he realizes
what an asshole he was five years ago.
Every five years, like clockwork, he goes,
"Man, I was such an asshole five years ago".
So if we accept this, that means everything
we think and feel and say now
in five years will just be embarrassing.
- This conversation? - The worst.
We're going to hate this conversation.
- I hate it now. - We're going to hate it in four years.
Did you play sports when you were a kid?
Yeah.
You remember "Walk it off"?
No matter what happened, right?
I mean your eyeball could be, like, hanging out of its socket.
Coach would run over, scoop you up.
"Eh, you're all right, kid. Just walk it off".
Yeah.
And I'm sure a few of those times I was legitimately hurt.
But just having this concept... walk it off...
as a way to, I don't know, heal myself... it worked.
I just walked that shit off.
I've been feeling lately I'm maybe more resilient
than I had thought.
But who knows?
Maybe I'll feel differently in five years.
Who knows?
Hello. No one is available to take your call.
Please leave a message after the tone.
All right, I'm guessing you're there,
but you're sad and you can't be bothered.
But I have a tale to tell, Samuel, and you need to hear it.
So listen up.
The scene: Dinner with # 2.
Trying to cut him loose. No such luck.
So get this.
You know how people say beauty's on the inside?
Well, that's total bullshit.
Beauty is on the outside, and I love me some beauty.
I mean who doesn't?
But here's the crazy thing, Sammy boy.
I'm listening to Sam ¶ 2.
Listening because he made me close my eyes... so hot.
And he's making a total case for me and him to be an item.
And as he's talking, it's like the molecules on his face
must have rearranged themselves,
because I open my eyes and suddenly
I am in front of the most beautiful, gorgeous man...
like, a total hottie.
And who knew? Sammy 2. That rhymes.
And you were right, by the way. It is a strong name.
So here's what I have to say to you before the damn beep cuts me off.
Sadness be gone.
Let's be people who deserve to be loved, who are worthy.
Because we are worthy. We really are.
You've been telling me that for years and now I get to spit it back at you.
You're a good man, Sam Wexler.
Go get yourself loved.
That's all I got.
¶ Hey, Jo Jo ¶
¶ Yeah, I know your name... ¶
Jill. Hey, it's Sam Wexler.
I think Mary Catherine told you I'd be calling.
¶ Thought I saw you jump the Utah train... ¶
They moved him to a different home.
¶ Could be as well... ¶
- Thank you. - ¶ I cannot tell ¶
¶ Oh no, I cannot tell. ¶
Okay, this... this last song...
it's a happy song about a happy song.
It's kind of what I need to hear right now.
Thanks, y'all.
¶ Sing me a happy song ¶
¶ About robins in spring ¶
¶ Sing me a happy song ¶
¶ With a happy ending ¶
¶ Some cheerful roundelay ¶
¶ About catching the ring ¶
¶ Sing happy ¶
¶ Sing me a sonnet all about rolling in gold ¶
¶ Some peppy melody about rainbows blending ¶
¶ Nothing with phrases saying you're out in the cold ¶
¶ Sing happy ¶
¶ Tell me tomorrow's gonna be peaches and cream ¶
¶ Assure me clouds are lined with a silver lining ¶
¶ Say how you realize an impossible dream ¶
¶ Sing me a happy song ¶
¶ No need reminding me that it all fell apart ¶
¶ I need no lyric singing of stormy weather ¶
¶ There's quite enough around me that's breaking my heart ¶
¶ Sing ¶
¶ Sing a hallelujah ¶
¶ And get up and shout ¶
¶ Tell me the sun is shining around the corner ¶
¶ Whoever's interested in helping me out ¶
¶ Please keep it happy ¶
¶ I'm only in the market for long, loud laughter ¶
¶ I'll let you serenade me till dawn comes along ¶
¶ Just make it a happy ¶
¶ Keep it a happy song. ¶
Bravo! Whoo!
Yeah!
¶ I can't remember what is wrong ¶
¶ Well, I've been happy now for way too long ¶
¶ And oh ¶
¶ We got a lot more to go ¶
¶ I put a trash can by the road ¶
¶ And filled it up just to lighten my load ¶
¶ But oh ¶
¶ I got nowhere to go ¶
¶ Someone's alone, fell asleep on the phone ¶
¶ Waiting like a dog for a bone ¶
¶ And how could it be that a fish in the sea ¶
¶ Can feel like it's completely alone? ¶
¶ The world may never know ¶
¶ Oh ¶
¶ I know it hurt you, 'cause you cried ¶
¶ I know it killed you, but nobody died ¶
¶ And oh ¶
¶ The city ain't nothing but show ¶
¶ I found a needle in the hay ¶
¶ I found the sunshine at the end of the day ¶
¶ And oh ¶
¶ I found a pearl in the snow ¶
¶ Someone's alone, fell asleep on the phone ¶
¶ Waiting like a dog for a bone ¶
¶ Oh, and how could it be that a fish in the sea ¶
¶ Can feel like it's completely alone? ¶
¶ The world may never know ¶
¶ The world may never know. ¶
¶ It is a dream that I will wake from ¶
¶ There Trudy writes this song ¶
¶ There's no need for an escape, you've never been here all along ¶
¶ You were in the Caribbean ¶
¶ I'm in New York now thinkin' ¶
¶ You say you want me, but you never came to get me ¶
¶ Oh, you never got me ¶
¶ And I hope you don't haunt these dreams ever again ¶
¶ And the long walk to never ¶
¶ Surely takes forever and ever. ¶