1 00: 00: 12,160 -> 00: 00: 16,440 This is the story of four orphans being met by fate.
They don't know yet...
but there is something bigger in store for them-
an epic.
Introduce our first orphan Lucy.
He was raised by a good and old curator of the museum.
- But unfortunately... - Ohh!
he was killed.
Ow.
Oh, don't die.
Please don't die. Only you have me.
You stepped on my hand!
Oh, sorry.
This is the code.
But what is that?
Oh, God! Oh, God! Code! Come on! Give me another clue!
I didn't read the book tape.
Habeas corpus. E pluribus unum.
God. Um, code, please.
Your body is in the form of letter. What is the letter "D"
Come on! please!
Um, it's "A"!
This is "V"! "V"! Eh, "I"! "I"!
Um, "N"!
Uh-Um-
Um, "I" -
Oh! "C"! "C"! "I-C"!
"I"! "I." Da Da Da Da Vinci!
Right!
Oh, God. Oh.
Oh.
"So Lame (fall out) is Tom's hair."
Wait. "Lame."
"Lame" is
"Lame" is a seven letter word.
This code is seven! Right!
Oh, thank you Right.
Then there's our next orphan, Edward.
He lives in a Mexican monastery with all the other children.
I don't eat it.
Be thankful, Eduardo.
Today I made something very delicious.
Nacho!
Nacho...
Doritos cheese tastes delicious!
Ah-choo!
I feel sick!
I will become the lucha libre wrestler.
You think you are better than another orphan?
- Yes. - Chanchito!
Come on. teach him about humility.
You're kidding me.
Do you want to know what it feels like beans to go up to your nose?
Hold his arm then turn it!
Chanchito, throw him from the table.
Sweet!
And go, cabron!
Our next orphan, Susan...
is on his way to Namibia to meet his new adoptive parents.
- Can I make you a cocktail? - Just plain water.
OK. What do you want to drink?
juice only.
I'm sick of snakes in this damn plane!
- Why are you shouting? - Damn, bitch, I like to shout '!
I'm damn Jackson Samuel! '
Bitch?
- Designers understand this. - Honey, you look great.
I'm very sexy.
Yes!
And finally...
our last orphan, Peter.
He lives in a place where he is not wanted by the mutant community.
You could even say he's an outcast.
Hi, Mystique. Hi, L.C.
Right, um, so, too, I wonder...
Do you want to attend homecoming dance with me?
Maybe.
Good hair, Rogue.
You talk to my boyfriend...
thumb of a bean?
Fuck.
- Hajar. Hajar. Hajar. - Hajar! Hajar!
What will you do?
He let go of his strength!
He will widen the wings of angels!
It's like a chick's wings!
Stop that. Stop it .
You all know Peter is too soft to defend himself.
Aah!
And for the four orphans...
life will never be the same.
Gross.
Welcome.
You must be Susan.
And you... are Peter.
And you are Edward.
And You-
You're Lucy.
I've been waiting for you.
So, come on!
Ooh!
I like your legendary candy.
A chocolate river!
Mmm!
This is delicious!
This is very delicious!
Yes!
Chocolate!
That's, uh-
- That's actually the sewer line. Yeah. - This is Delic-
Children, do you want to know...
what makes all my candy taste so special?
Uh-huh.
This is a special, secret ingredient.
This is the actual human body part.
This will be a small piece of from each of you...
the inside of Yum Enak sweets is extraordinary.
I want to get out of here.
Let us out, ugly!
No, no. I cant do that.
- Yes, you can. - Yes, you can.
You are mine now.
Aah!
Stop! Let me go!
Ouch!
Aah!
What are you doing?
- Willy says that he wants the button to be polished. - Dumb-ass.
We have to get out of here.
- We have to get out of here. - I'm just saying that.
You just said that.
Where are we going? I don't have a home to go home.
I think this gold ticket is my luck.
The curator is the only one I have.
I have never had anyone. I grew myself.
And that's why you look like a difficult person?
Yeah.
And you're a bit bitchy.
- Why us? - Because we are four children who will not feel lost.
We will be trapped here until we die.
Shut up, Edward. You scared him.
Don't say what to do! You are not my father!
- Two to blink. - Oww! Aah!
Leave Peter alone. He is not wrong.
I can take care of myself.
Like it or not, we are all in this matter.
It's clear that we don't like each other, but if we want to survive...
we must remain united.
Aah!
- Ouch. - Is the fight over?
I don't know.
- Hey! - Shhh! Someone came.
Who wants to chew my round gum?
That's Willy. Hiding!
Where are you guys?
I will find you.
Wow.
Ooh! Oh.
Ooh.
This is sticky. I am stuck.
This is sticky.
You can do it!
My tongue!
I'm ba-a-a-ad-.
Where am I?
The world of Gnarnia.
Oh!
The letter "G," as in "gnomes."
Or "Gnarly."
- For legal purposes. - Mm-hmm.
- I'm Mr. Tumnus. - Oh, my name is Lucy.
Creature What are you?
I'm a Faun. Half a human, half a goat.
- Oh, so you mean- - Yeah. Father associates goats.
This is my parents.
Oh!
- You inherited the beard. - Thank you.
- And you? - Oh. Not.
My parents are human.
Eew. Gro-o-o-ss!
Aah-No Yes.
So, you are Eve's daughter, huh?
Uh-huh.
I'm sorry. Let me show you around here.
Oh. Oh! Oh!
I-I-
Welcome to my Faun box.
Come on. Let's go.
Let's see what's in the fridge.
Ooh! There must always be Cristal.
Because when Diddy was at home. Yo, Diddy!
Say "What's wrong?" with honey.
See my Plasma.
Greet my little friend!
Want to play with me? Okay. Let's play.
Scarface is shit
I'm Tony Fauntana!
You want to play with me, You play with the best!
You are not a good player except You have a flat screen everywhere.
on the toilet, when I want..........
Greet my little friend!
Want to play me? Okay, let's play!
This is my favorite part.
Wow!
Under the couch when I'm looking for change.
Boo-yah! Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ching!
Above his head for a moment, you know...
The evil white prostitutes who control Gnarnia...
has ordered anyone who found a human to change it in.
I brought you back to my nest to betray you...
but I can't do it.
You are a true friend.
He has broken down This peaceful country has become an eternal winter.
According to the two terms, we now have...
bugging, no gay marriage...
it hasn't been awkward yet from the storm relief effort.
And And White Whore doesn't care about black people.
that is resistance of small movements.
They learned that he developed weapons of mass destruction...
that can kill us all.
Wait, a W.M.D. real, or, like, fake Saddam?
No, the real one.
That sounds bad.
Go now, before he finds you.
- But- - There's no time to argue.
Leave...!
This message will break by itself in one second.
What are you waiting for?
Get out, get out, wherever you are.
- Lucy? - Who wants to play with Willy?
Lucy, move on. I need a place to hide.
Lucy. You-
Who lives here? Liberace?
Aah!
This is a very large closet.
What is an LF MI.
Kneel in front of the queen!
You're the son of Adam.
What? No, I'm Edward.
I'm sorry, Your Honor. Aku-
- I followed Lucy into the wardrobe and - - Lucy?
- How many people in your family? - Not
Lucy, Peter and Susan are not my family.
We are all just a group of orphans.
Prediction!
Please.
Let me help you ride.
Wow.
- Oh, you have to be warm. - Yes.
Wow.
Wow. A 40?
- Ah. - Drinks.
Fresh dog urine. Please.
Yeah!
I like this place.
And this can all be your new home.
With my help, you can become a King.
Wh-What? King?
He can't be king- Oww!
And you will be my queen?
I never had a boyfriend before.
Oh!
Ah!
How is it?
Oh, but first I have to meet the others.
Why? You won't make Peter become king too, right?
Oh! Not.
But every king needs people to protect him.
But, Your Majesty-
Look, my white castle.
White Castle?
I feel like I've been there before.
Bring me your friend, and I will make you King.
Yes!
Lucy?
Edward!
You enter the wardrobe too.
- Lucy! - Lucy!
- Edward! - Edward?
This is a hiding place.
We have to go now. We are in great danger.
Oh, no, no. We must stay here. Why is it in a hurry, Lucy?
I mean, they just arrived.
Hey, look! I spelled my name!
- Mm-mmm. - Please!
We have to go. Mr. Tumnus told me.
Mr. Tumnus? Who is he?
I like Sudoku!
He is a human goat...
and he warns of great danger!
- Oh, Lucy. - Well!
If you think I'm lying, I'll go for help with him!
Hmph.
It will be more difficult than I thought.
Hey, look! Nicole Richie!
Mm-mmm.
Mr. Tumnus?
Damn. I know what happened.
- What creature is that? - This is a talking beaver!
- Damn it! - Get out of here!
No! Damn-
Something in my crotch says You're not used to talking beavers.
My name is Harry Beaver.
Mr. Tumnus is my life partner.
Mmm. Sweet man.
Mr. Tumnus was arrested by White Whore.
She's sexy- I mean, never heard of her name.
The evil ruler. He was arrested Mr. Tumnus for getting humans.
Is there something we can do to help?
Eh, yes. You have to go to Aslo.
He waits for you in the Ancient Table.
- Who is Aslo? - Who is Aslo?
He is the true king of Gnarnia.
- It won't be long. - Hello? Forecast?
The four of you will join Aslo to lead the resistance to destroy the White Whore.
- Us? - Yes. You are all heroes.
Especially you, Peter.
My child, I've sent you to earth for a reason.
You are the savior of all humanity.
You are truly invincible.
Oh, God! You shot my eyes fucker! It really hurts!
Why did you do that? That is not necessary! Son of a bitch!
- But I can't. "But, I can not." What is wrong with him?
Well, maybe not Superman, but all heroes are the same.
This is your destiny.
Do you think was all brought together by chance?
Look at the instructions. They are all around you.
Oh, that's good.
We are all in the painting.
But what does that mean?
Right.
This is "cryptix."
The curator taught me how to solve this.
Upsy daisy.
Be careful.
Now, what is that?
This is our birth certificate.
We all have the same last name and the same parent.
- I didn't get it. - All of you are interconnected!
Brothers.
You are my family, for Christ's sake!
- Sorry. - Is this real?
None of us have ever had a real family before.
None of us have had a real family before.
It's true. You are quadruplets.
- But our parents - - Killed by White Bitches.
Then he separates the four of you so that the Prediction will never happen.
Where is Edward?
Hey, honey, I'm home.
Hey, friend. Do you miss me?
Ohh!
- Why? - Because I'm not your friend!
Which are the others?
I think we have something special.
I even have a tattoo with your name on it.
It's more like Tattoo 50 Cent, idiot.
Damn it! They made it wrong.
I won't ask again. Where is your whole family?
I told you, they are not my family.
Tell them where they are.
Will not.
Yeah, they went to Mr. Tumnus's house.
Yes! Yes! You just entered punk'd! Yes!
He did it! He did it!
Tell the camera. Come on, say it there.
- Just say it! - I just entered punk'd.
Schwow! Yeah!
We just punk'd Edward! Schwow! Schwow! Yeah!
That's amazing! Yeah! Yes!
That's the truth, honey!
Truck drivers That's amazing!
I did it. You like it. You want. I am Punk'd '!
- That's really funny! Oh, my goodness! Too funny! - You are so annoying!
No, that's really funny!
Schwow! Schwow! Schwow! Schwow! Schwow!
Candy-ass truck driver hat!
Schwow. Schwow.
Silas!
Children are with Mr. Tumnus.
I want you to find them and kill them.
Persona non grata. Magna cum laude.
Straws oh-flood-gay! Ooh!
Gay floods.
Ooh.
No, no!
- here. go to jail. - Ouch! Man!
- Edward! - Edward! - Edward!
- Mr. Tumnus!
I miss the smell, Harry Beaver.
Eew.
Oh, yes.
The White Whores do this to you? Shit!
And now he caught Edward.
- We have to save you - Control yourself, Lucy!
- Kudus- - Too dangerous.
If he catches you, You're just looking for death.
Um, it's me.
"The Resistance has found...
" That the White Whore has completed weapons of mass destruction...
and will launch it in 24 hours. "
Let's get out of here soon!
Aslo is the only one that can help us now.
let's take us to him.
What did you do?
I forgot.
Before you meet Aslo, You have to practice.
Then you can defeat the White Bitch...
and save your brother.
I'll meet you at Aslo's house. May Force be with you.
Someone came. The bitch is looking for you. you have to leave now.
There you will practice.
Go!
Mr. Tumnus?
I will stay behind and fight him.
Don't mind anything, Go now too.
- Yap. - Yi-yi-yi-yi-yi!
Run away!
Stop!
If you want them, You must step over the corpse first.
I'm begging you! Please!
He needs our help!
- Please! - No, Susan, Lucy.
He... wants us to leave.
He sacrificed himself for us.
Peter, if you can hear me...
come back now!
I've underestimated it.
I'm in pain
What should we do?
Uh, we can't go back. We must-
- We must do our best for Edward and for Gnarnia. - Screw Gnarnia!
He tested us.
This is not a test! I can see my brain!
Et tu, Brute?
Welcome! My name is Harry Potter!
You look old but still a student here?
Nonsense. I'm only 14 years old.
Look at my two best friends, Ron and Hermione.
Right. Wrong robe.
Let the montage training begin!
Cue music inspiration.
Blame the robe.
- Get nice and square hips. - Okay, uh-
- All right. I will arrange it for you. - Okay.
- are you ready? - Yeah, I'm ready.
Ipso facto "patrolo!"
Oh! Yeah!
Face your fear!
Don't curl up in the face of danger!
Use everything to defeat your enemy! Come on, Peter!
Stop being like Nancy, son!
Schoolgirl! Pussy! Chicken!
Congratulations, Peter. Your training is now complete.
- You are now ready to meet Aslo. - Yes!
This crystal will finally end the resistance.
I will start a series of earthquakes...
who will tear down all Gnarnia...
and grow a new continent...
where I and my followers will live.
Yo, Bitch, that's pretty much the plot of Superman Returns.
Pretty much, yes.
This is I.M. from Silas.
"The... keeds...
" Has...
ESCA-puh-duh. "
" ESCAP-puh-duh. "
" Keeds have ESCA-puh-duh. "
Children have run away!
Duh!
I have to catch and kill children before they destroy everything.
See what else Edward knows.
Let me out!
Oh, I have to leave here.
I will never see my family again.
I'll save you and get out of here, friend.
Captain Morgan! I love your rum!
No! Captain Jack Swallows.
It's up to you.
Jack Swallows?
It's kind of gay, man.
Mmm.
I believe in you son, and I will reunite you with your family.
I have a ship waiting for us.
Shh.
How can we get out of here?
Ah!
Humans are down! Humans come down!
You should just pretend!
Fast! He needs your help!
Come on, hurry up! We don't have much time!
Mmm!
Wow! A real pirate ship!
Peter, Lucy and Susan won't believe this.
Hey, this is awesome. Is it like a pirate?
Yo-ho, Ed, let me drop it for you.
Word for Kraken!
When it's winding, man.
So, where is your family, eh?
They're on their way to Ancient Tables to meet Aslo...
they plan resistance.
Interesting.
God, you're easy.
Thank you, love. Oh, me.
Wait. So all of this is a trick just to get information from me?
Sorry, friend. This isn't even an authentic pirate ship. Savvy?
- Oh, damn it! - Nice to do business with you, love.
Bugger!
I will make you regret it...
You-You-
You... bitch.
I always hate you, Captain Jack Swallows.
Do you think I'm like 'wearing this funny-lookin' hat? I will bake your beans!
So...
Your family is meeting Aslo.
Call the troops.
If that is the war they want...
So war is what they will get.
Let's start everything loudly, agree?
- But you will kill millions. - Billion.
Come on. Just say what you want to say.
- My family will stop you! - False!
Ooh!
Oh, damn it. Oh, damn it.
Oh! Ooh!
Damn this Superman plot!
My name is Borat.
This is my country from Gnarnia. Good!
He is my sister.
He is number four whore Faun in all Gnarnia.
Good!
Aslo?
Mmm!
Where do I go, doll face? I only took my Cialis.
Screw you, Aslo!
Ah, thank you very much.
Are you Aslo Singa?
Li-man- half a lion, half a human.
- So you mean you- - My father Siegfried boinked a lion.
But, you know, what happened in Vegas remained in Vegas.
Let me guess. Family forecast.
Uh-huh. We have come from far away.
Whatever. You are one less.
- Yes, our brother Edward. - Yes, our brother Edward.
He betrayed you, went to the White Whore.
- Well, that's not his fault. - Yada Yada Yada.
- But the forecast is - - "But Divination, Prediction."
Good. I'll help you get Edward back.
- Oh! - Mmm!
But there is something All you have to do for me.
What are you doing here, Mel?
You know.
Gluk, gluk. Vroom, Vroom.
Whoo!
Listen, sugar breast. F.Y.I.
I like to sleep at the buff.
Wow.
Yeah.
- That's spectacular. - My butt hurts.
Uh-oh!
Dutch Oven!
Ooh!
This is Aslo!
In nominees Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti.
Huh?
Come on, kids.
Peter? Lucy! Susan!
Oh, you guys, I've been so annoying. You will never forgive me?
We are sorry.
- We are a family now. - We are a family now.
I'm glad to hear that.
- I love you. - Let's not linger.
- Now get out of here! - Go, leave, leave.
Goodbye, Aslo.
What? What is wrong?
He didn't succeed.
Oh, damn it! A beaver speaks!
Wait!
Oh, it's hard here for beavers.
You're a forgetful bitch! I've met you.
I know. Yeah.
Aslo never returns. The White Bitch killed him.
And worse.
Everything is over.
White prostitutes will definitely rule forever.
But we have you. You will lead us.
You are the future Gnarnia king and queen.
It will be an honor to fight for you, gentlemen.
We will fight for you.
And so are we.
We will stand behind you, Peter.
That's not a threat we mutants can live for so long.
We trust you.
Tomorrow, we fight.
So tonight, we have a party!
Hello, Gnarnia! Are you ready for rock and roll?
Small bang! Chug! Chug! Chug! A little bang! Chug! Chug! Chug!
Small bang! Chug! Chug! Chug! A little bang! Chug! Chug!
Yeah!
You wake up, Sis.
Uh-uh. I want to stay clear.
Come on. Loosen it once. You want-
You want, you know, to be able to bend, like this.
Like that. And then-
Why? What is the worst thing that can happen?
- It's possible. - Everything is correct.
- Whoo-hoo! - A little bang! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
Small bang! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
Small bang! Chug! Chug! Chug!
Hi.
So, you will be the king of Gnarnia?
- That's what they say. - Mmm.
I think it's so hot.
Why don't we leave here.
Small bang! Chug! Chug! A little bang! Chug! Chug!
That little bang!
Whoo! Yeah!
I'm fine.
Are you OK?
- Hmm? - I am fine.
Oh!
Oh.
- You know, I have special powers. - Uh-huh.
I'm a form change.
I can change my shape to something.
What do you like?
Uh-
Big horn with silver dollar nipples?
All right.
And the results of the ghetto booty.
Like-Like a lot of garbage in the trunk, say.
Curly. Mmm.
Badonkadonk.
- And mono-eyebrows! - Come again?
Mono-eyebrows! Mono-eyebrows! King wants mono eyebrows!
Okay, okay.
And big, Grandma's arm is soft.
Oh!
Bingo wings, like fat, blue Britney Spears.
Oh, that's what I'm talking about.
Here!
Where is everyone?
I don't know. Maybe it has something to do with with Susan vomiting everyone that night.
We seem to be outnumbered.
No.
I'm not running anymore.
Ouch!
Oh!
We may not have a number on our side or he has a weapon...
but we have something that is far more effective.
Cheerful breasts?
The strength of our family.
I'll follow you anywhere, brother.
Oh, I-
Revenge is... mine!
Jack Swallows!
Payback is a bitch, White Bitch!
You owe me your soul, Jack Swallows, and it's time to pay!
Oh! He blinds me, friend!
Oh, bugger!
What are tools.
Show them mercilessly.
Feel it, Kumar! Huh!
No!
Oh, yes.
Yes, that's right. Humble themselves.
Just like my parents did before I killed them.
Wow. Let's slow things down to see more clearly.
Ah.
Oh! Oh dear .
Oh, that- -That thing is dis-
Oh.
Ooh!
Let's get 'em!
Oh, I will enjoy this.
This is crystal!
- We will all die! - We will all die!
Give me a remote control.
Yes!
No, stop. We will not bow to that level.
I hate people 'damn kids.
New Gnarnia will be democracy...
complete with legal process.
He must be given a fair trial, judged by a judge from his friends.
Sorry, Bitch.
Right.
Oh, the screw too.
give way to beavers. Can your butt get away from my face.
Hot, beavers have come.
Introduce the Gnarnia kings and queens!
Peter the Heroic.
Fair Susan.
Loyal Edward.
And Lucy is a mute fucking.
All hail!
And so it's that Peter, Susan, and Lucy Edward...
restore Gnarnia peace.
They are no longer orphans. They are now family.
They ruled Gnarnia for years to come.
That's how it was, until they found the closet once more.
Let's cross flow.
There we go.
Oops! A little blood.
That-
- This is a closet. - It's been so long.
It's been so long.
Rules of Chuck Norris.
We are young again!
Jagshemash!
You succeed! You make a movie that has a happy ending.
No!
Oh, my-
- Let us out, ugly! - Can not .
I-
No Captain Jack Swallows!
- Damn it! - Cut.
No! Captain Jack Swallows!
Sorry.
Wait. Can I ask you something ?
Is I-
Do I have to suck strongly, or...-
- Yeah. - I mean-Okay.
let's go.
Oh! Hey!
Mmm. Mmm!
Now, guess what.
- What? - Guess what .
First-
Mi, mi, mi, mi, mil, mi, mi, mi, mi, mi!
When I make you to ', stop' cry and eat it!
Your mother ate it! He likes it. Alright .
- where did I hit it? I hit him on the head. - Cut!
Damn.
We will stand behind you, Peter.
That's not a threat for us We are mutants - Damn. Sorry. Nonsense.
He must get a fair trial...
judged by a jury from his friends.
We will build a courthouse...
with velvet curtains and parking lot.
I'm very sexy.
Oh, my goodness. I crossed the yellow line. I really don't see it.
Li-man- half a lion, half a human.
So you mean you-
My mother went to a party on Siegfried and Roy.
He is drunk, and then is his turn on the barrel.
This is a brutal game.
Justice is the highest government...
even for elves and fauns...
albino and irish.
- I see lines! - Not! Man!
We will revolutionize the health system.
There will be no more teen pregnancy...
without my consent...
and without their consent.
I shouldn't have sex with Shrek!
Like it or not, we are all
- Are you OK? - No But, come on.
- Like it or not, we are all in this matter. - Like it or not
- Oh, I can't even do it now. - Let's do it.
Shrek damn it! He says he doesn't work.
Because, sweet breasts, we are four children who will not feel lost.
We will be stuck here until we are dizzied i Rizz-i.
Don't t-Zelle what should be a zoo!
The White Bitch is no more.
Now, we will become kings.
Last night, I had sex with a unicorn. Nice!
Hey, look. This is Lindsay Lohan.
I don't have enough left for Roseanne.
- Oh. So I have to - should I fall? - Cut.
- This should hit right, right? - Yes.
- Ooh! - Cut!
Oh. But I need something about someone else first.
But first-Sorry. Give me your hand.
Oh, no!
But the king needs to boss the subject they ship. What's the line?
Yes.
Bring me your friends, then I will make you king throne. Shit. What throne?
I'm big. I got a big ball.
See Epic Films...
or drunk Mel Gibson will hurt me.
No!
fuck you.
So now you all see my box.
So get out soon Oh!