Ward, I'm very worried about Beaver Mom's favorite vase
He always says, "Don't play balls at home."
Sit on it, Fonzie.
Hey!
What about me, Mallory?
What about my feelings?
Hey, I know everything will be fine Dyno-mites!
During the 70s, millions of people curled up in front of their TVs
to see foaming antics from The Glimmer Gang.
Little Dickie Roberts forms the center of the show,
and his crooked smile
and casually thrown out capture the phrase
becoming the mode of a nation longing for escape.
This is the story.
Peggy Roberts has only one goal in life -
to appear in showbiz
And when she's pregnant,
he feels like it just slows it down.
Peggy has never said it for sure who is his father,
but the most persistent rumor
conclude that it is David Soul,
talented and cute actors from Starsky and Hutch.
Don't give up on us, baby...
And on July 2, 1967,
Dickie Roberts comes to the world
Peggy starts auditing for acting parts almost every day.
Here's Peggy Roberts in a 1989 interview.
When I arrived at the audition,
I used to dress her for parts, whatever it was.
I mean, if they want cowboys,
they have cowboys
Even if they want a girl, I will give them one.
Do you know that he did it before? auditioned
for Pippi Longstocking?
And he got that part.
I feel really stupid walk to the office
holding the child's hand
That's rude to me.
Then, in 1972, when it was NBC
create an event called Gang Glimmer,
Dickie was thrown right away.
The show becomes instant success
and immediately the picture of Dickie is on the magazine,
Iunch boxes and board games.
And the trademark typical expression is everywhere
This is Nucking Futs!
But after six years of success, ranks start slipping.
And as fast as Dickie the phenomenon explodes,
it's over.
Mrs. Dickie, Immediately after, leave her
and moved from the area.
He found himself.
This is the former Eight Enough Dick Van Patten star.
5 stars from 5 services for child actors,
and when you throw a terrible one The stage mother is like Peggy Roberts,
Poor little Dickie has no chance
No one wants to hire a problem actor,
and the image appears Dickie's weird behavior--
including compulsive gloves wearing
Her name is legally changed for "Son of David Soul."
Then, bored to explain it who is David Soul,
he tried "Son of Hutch."
Then, he changed it again to the element diagram symbol
for fluorine, titanium and zinc.
Today, Dickie Roberts
definitely it's a showbiz comeback He works as a valet parking car.
But like everyone knows,
in Hollywood, sometimes yours dreams can come true... again.
Here's the story from Dickie Roberts,
E! The true Hollywood story...
Hi, everyone, welcome back for celebrity boxing
with our special Edition "Earthquake on the Lake".
Tonight to be an extraordinary battle.
Our main program will begin
and will be impact of titans.
Former Webster star Emmanuel Lewis goes toe-to-toe
with former star Glimmer Gang Dickie Roberts
Comes to the ring in the white bar,
from The Glimmer Gang,
Dickie...
Roberts!
And now, the opponent,
wearing a black suitcase,
standing four feet, three inches,
weighs 92 pounds,
Emmanuel... Lewis!
This is Lewis time.
Time Lewis, baby
This is Lewis, do you understand me?
Right now.
Tonight, Lewis time. Time Lewis
Uh-oh, look.
Lewis, Lewis, Lewis...
When is this person in the joint?
- You suck. -Hah?
-What did he just say? -Do you hear that?
Get down there
Ow! Let's be friends!
Yes!
Where did you go?
I like your show From the mat, sir.
-I throw a towel. -No, no, no.
Winner, K. Celebrity. Champion...
Winner!
I don't believe this
Uh... what am I doing here?
Come on, Cyndi, It's just a flat tire.
We will fix it.
Then we will return home to Hollywood
I like your hat
Shut up.
First, you get your ass kicking
by some people who's half your size...
I-I think he's in juice.
No, I think you are just a cat.
Look, we're bankrupt, okay?
Maybe now might be the right time
to try to sell the stupid autobiography
You write all the time.
I-I can't publish this now,
because it ended with me being a loser
I have to wait to publish it until I get back above, which I will soon, I swear.
I will have it a big comeback There's something you have to face, baby
Okay, nothing will happen to become any comeback.
Yes, there will be.
Yes, there will be, I know that.
Very sad
There must be!
Dickie!
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Take it! Wow, no!
Maybe we can drive it out of here.
What is insurance?
What, being a fool?
No, they squeeze from it
with that Actions from clause ldiot.
Ooh, this is the car.
Alright, now you enter
and then their kiosk so I can also enter.
Yes, I know the drill, champ.
Hey.
Where did you go, man?
It's up to you, my dear.
Hey wait!
Cyndi, open it!
Cyndi, come on!
What are you doing?
Come on, I'll be a star again.
Dickie
Leif, wow, how are you?
How are you?
Nice to see you.
God. You are Leif Garrett.
I have had a crush like that to you.
Can I have your signature?
Sure.
Do you want my signature too? Dickie Roberts
No, I'm fine.
What if I put it with a $ 5 bill?
Make it $ 20?
Thank you.
They are sweet.
So, Dickie, how are you? What is wrong?
Just returned from a very successful TV assignment.
Which is there as a bad press, right?
Except that.
So, Leif, what's the matter have you been to?
I got an note that I enjoyed.
Rock and roll, man.
Taking an acting audition about three months ago.
Now that's a great person.
I've been going to the movies auditions all the time,
Like every day
Hey, you will read for Mr. Blake's Backyard?
I am sure
I am... where...
Anything else is that?
New film Rob Reiner
This is the talk of the city.
Yes, Rob Reiner.
God, what is the dog? have a puppy yet?
Ooh, I have to send him a note.
You know what, I have to call him.
I left my sweater in his guest room
This is called Mr. Blake's Backyard?
Remember how Frank Sinatra was in his comeback
playing Maggio From Here to Eternity,
and then won an Oscar?
Or like Travolta in Pulp Fiction?
This is a lifelong role, human .
Large. Leif, I have to go.
Nice to meet you, man.
Hey, are we still at for poker Thursday?
Sidney, where are you
I have left three messages.
Listen, there is this new film, This is the film Rob Reiner.
You have to get me on...
-Dickie. -Go to go
Will you park the car or what?
They pile up.
Yes, sir, Mr. Rollins.
Listen, Dickie is the only one The reason I'm hiring you
do I usually watch your shows,
and your life is rather sad
Thank you for being a fan.
Do you know what?
You will never get anything except You bend the rules a little.
Woo hoo.
Uh, this is Wernick Agency.
This is his assistant... Shaquikwa speaks
Sidney, where have you been
I've been calling all morning.
Oh sorry.
Hey, do you know that dove I feed?
They attacked me, - six bastards.
I have to be sewn.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Oh come on, what's this guy doing
Hey, move the stack.
Light doesn't increase there's something greener, jarhead.
Hey, screw you, man.
Why don't you step? From that bit,
a wussy bitty car and talking to my face, huh?
Hey, screw you
I'll kick you steroid-love ass, you idiot.
Jujube
I'll trap you, man.
Kissing you later, stinks.
I will find you Three, G, Q...
Hey, Dickie, aren't you worried? About that guy
Track you and hit bullshit from you No, I'm in someone else's car, plus a colored window.
Hey, listen, this part of the film
sounds like the key to everything, man.
You have to get me to see Rob Reiner.
And as your agent, let me ask this -
Do you have an idea?
Because, I mean, it's fair the way out of our league Now, you want to get on Elimidate,
That's a different story.
I think if I speak for some movie stars,
they can help me
Yes, you, where are you going to meet movie stars?
Oh, man, that's the easy part.
So, I woke up in a car outside Lincoln, Nebraska
Okay, that's the way it is 5:00 a.m.
Hey, Tom Arnold, what's wrong?
Hey, hey, this is Tom "A" here okay?
And keep quiet; it's just fine.
She's very addicted to sex addicts
Ooh.
And I realized that I had reached the lowest point.
I hit it down.
I see you on TV all the time.
You're great Listen, what's wrong?
Hey, Orville and Wilbur call.
They want to buy your collar.
They will take off from Kitty Hawk at sunset.
What does that mean?
They found an airplane,
and your collar is very big
That's funny.
Yes.
Or is that?
I can bench-press 350 pounds.
That's great. That's a lot.
Hey, man, I see you everywhere.
You kick ass.
True Lies are great.
I rent it all the time.
Can you come in? with Rob Reiner
Excuse me. Sir?
Can we help you
Are you here because you are an alcoholic
Whoa. Not. Not.
Don't let it float around the city
The last thing I need is someone who thinks
I'm drunk, loser addict.
Not that it's bad. I mean, that's cool.
You need to an alcoholic here
Alright.
Ah, there must be another AA meeting around here.
Bingo. I will bring Brendan Fraser to block
Wow! Sorry I was late, gang, but I was wasted.
Drink shots like crazy.
I chuckle, _ cock and bullshit
Do you know what I mean?
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor
Right? Who is with me
This person knows what I'm saying.
Can we help you
Oh, God, I hope we can
My name is Dickie Roberts,
and I am alkie whiskey-puking.
Now, that's all is very interesting,
but this is the Lamaze class.
Oh. Well. Nice to meet you.
I tell this story for everyone I see
That's definitely the stupidest thing I've ever witnessed.
Maybe so.
But listen, what are you doing? in the Lamaze class anyway?
Is your wife pregnant?
Yes. My wife is pregnant.
This is it now. Have you met?
-Uh... no -Actually, we have.
Three years ago, you hit me, and I shot you,
and then you stole my number from a friend.
You know that we've been married more than three years right?
And then you are drunk-twisting me,
Like, 30 times, tries to connect
some kind of booty call
Yes, right. What is wrong?
After all, I have to pee.
Nice to meet you.
Yes. It's nice to meet you again
Anyway, Brendan, I'm a big fan and...
And you think that you can score
if I get your audition for Mr. Blake's Backyard?
God. Of course.
Yes, I can call for you. What is Rob Reiner?
God! I like Brendan Frazier.
Fraser.
This is Fraser.
Why do people say...?
So, my good friend -
maybe you've heard of him-
Jorge from the forest - Brendan Frazier.
Oh, you hear me I don't stutter.
Brendan Frazier is will make a call--
connects me with Rob Reiner
Did Mr. Frazier call you?
I will believe when I see it.
Alright, I collected ten dollars.
Actually, one dollar and the original braces worn by Marcia
in "Brace Yourself" episode--
easily worth nine dollars on eBay
Dirty. I'm in
Alright, I'm in.
All right, Speaking of big stars,
who saw People Magazine gave "Sexiest Man Alive" to?
George Clooney. Don't get it
George Clooney? That doesn't make sense.
Who chose that?
Do you know what, though?
George Clooney is a great star.
He is very big, and rightly so.
I like the boat movie.
You know who I am not Brad Pitt.
Yes, what's with Brad Pitt?
Brad Pitt changes his hair every day Does a girl really become a guy with good hair,
beautiful face and built like a truck?
-Yes. -Actually, yes.
You know, one day,
someone thinks I'm Brad Pitt from the side.
Yes, I know, like, 20 people who consider you a woman Beware.
I collected two dollars with this original replica from the curse
Tiki idol from episode Brady
"Hawaii Bonded."
Easily worth two dollars on eBay.
And do you know who I didn't get? Vin Diesel.
Oh yeah!
Who is Vin Diesel?
Is he handsome?
Is he Chinese? I don't know
That's terrible, man.
After all, he will kick your ass.
Come on, Dickie.
How jealous can you get, really?
This is getting worse.
Vin Diesel is actually a cool guy -Yes. -Yes.
I just want to be a star again is very bad
What's the matter you miss the most, Dickie?
Do you know what? This is not a limo.
Oh, I miss limo.
Not the girls, money, the parties...
Girls, money, parties...
No, wait Seriously, do you have a limousine?
Do you know what? That's not a missed item.
That's something else. This is... something I miss it very bad it hurts.
I just miss love, you know? I miss...
My mother loves me when I was a star,
and people love me when I become a star
And when someone loves you, It gives you a center.
It makes you feel comfortable inside.
That's what stars do for me
But do you know what?
Everything will happen.
I cross my fingers.
I wish for this Rob Reiner thing.
Anyway... back to work.
Two pairs, Williams.
Read and cry.
Uh-eh-eh!
What are you, nucking futs?
God! He did it!
Sidney, this is big.
I say, I can feel it.
Thank you for allowing me to use your car You go, son. Go away. You stick to that energy.
Oh, I will. I went to nail this bastard
Okay, now, remember:
You believe, you will receive.
You doubt, you will leave without.
Oh, this is my song I have to go.
This is night
My body is weak I'm on the run, there's no time to sleep
Word for your mother
I will go up
Drive like a wind
Become a star again
Change words, not vibrations
Whoo-hoo! This part is mine!
Explosion.
Hold the door!
Good.
Hold
I understand it.
Ooh!
Oh.
Hello?
Of course.
Listen, sorry about that
It's just that I can't Too late to see Rob.
Yikes! I mean, not yikes.
I mean, what is a lump?
Hey, is this it?
Mr. Blake's Backyard? Can I ask?
Everyone in the city really wants to read it,
but this script is in complete and total lockdown.
However...
I'll sneak you a copy Because I know you from that TV show.
-Ooh, will you? -Sure.
Even though you have to wait
until hell freezes, bastard
Yes?
Yes.
Mr. Reiner will meet you now.
Good.
Dickie Roberts!
This is a dirty bet!
Say it.
This is a dirty bet!
Funny.
Now say in Spanish.
Ah, I'm joking.
So Nicholson said for Tom Cruise -
You know, in that case... that Jack's voice is about it--
"That Demi Moore is a great actress.
" We have to return the title of the film
Some Good People and One Fucking, Hot Chick with big Boobs. "
Didn't I see you
car parked in Morton's restaurant?
Me?
Yes, you did
I was researching role for a film,
and the film called Valet Parker. But you know what?
If I get your film, I'll turn away it goes down Who cares?
So this part...
I mean, you're actually the height that I imagined.
You have the right to build, right hair,
proper basic display
Know this:
I will do anything from drastic cosmetic surgery to change my appearance to help display
But - and this is very big but -
This is a big acting part.
I mean, the whole movie depends on this performance.
And, Dickie, I don't think You can handle it.
I mean, because, well...
because you are not real people
Not real?
I don't mean to insult you.
It's just that, you know, when an actor examines a part,
It takes weeks, sometimes months,
to enter into a character
For you to research this section,
You have to find out how it feels to be normal
Because basically, is this person
He's just a simple and normal man.
I can do that. That is easy.
But you don't even know what's normal
You really missed it on the basic basis from adults -
which is still small.
Who cares about all that?
Listen, I'm fine.
Throw me a little something - something from this childhood I miss, I will make it happen, man.
Take a look.
A-Alright. Uh...
Say you... You are six
Eh, let me see the look on your face on Christmas morning When you crawl down the stairs
and you see the red bicycle under the tree.
You may never even have that experience Gotcha, six, bicycles, trees, stairs.
Fake stairs
Damn it! Bicycle!
You are six
Holy bullshit Bike!
You are six
No, goo-goo is handsome.
Too far back.
Dickie, you're a mess I mean, I don't know what you have to do to straighten
You might have to revive your whole childhood
Wait.
I actually didn't casting this part
for a few more months,
but restrictions on are a kind of miracle,
Yes.
I just don't think is right for you But you only say...
What did you say?
If I revive my childhood.
I can do that.
Dickie, Will you hire a family?
That's why I sell my book - I need money.
We are happy with that.
This is an amazing thing.
What life you have lived.
The only thing I asked for is that you minimize sexy, sensational
because it can hurt my career with people like Rob Reiner.
Here, uh, page 47, It says you have a whistle stuck your ass Yes, something like that.
I think we should... cut it off.
Yes, but this is the whole chapter.
-This is fantastic. -And also,
I also turned on the light bulb there.
-A light bulb? -Open, in part.
It sticks out a little and when I bend,
it looks like my ass has a good idea
Dickie, everything sounds weird.
You know I want a big comeback and here it is.
Please help me with this, Sidney. Come on.
Of course, progress is our standard for something like this is $ 30,000.
Did you say $ 30,000?
Blessed be God!
Christ on the crutch!
We will accept it!
You have 67 messages.
First message
I see your ad about hiring a family
Are you a male actor need a family?
Uh, yeah, but, you know what,
all of this will not work,
but thank you.
Come back here!
Dancing with the devil
Leave me alone!
You have cizash, we got a family
Sad Eye Sadie...
... Mad Dog, is it, Giant?
Uh, I'll think about it.
Large.
Hey, yo, Dickie.
Do you bite nuts? Yo.
Bastard
I really don't have it a family, per se.
Is it hot here?
I just went to take off my robe
Oh!
God.
This one tempts me.
Come on, Popeye.
Hello.
Hi.
- Can I help you? -Yes. I got a message
that you have a family
who is willing to put me for a month?
Uh, sorry, There must be some mistakes.
No, uh, 741 Mockingbird.
Is this Finney's residence?
Yes it is,
but I don't know what you are talking about
-Ha, George. -Hey, Andy.
Dickie Roberts
"This is a joke!"
This.
George Finney - big fan.
I just like your show.
God.
I think you look familiar.
But, George, are you...?
Oh, Grace, I have to explain.
Dickie and I talk is on the phone
about mutual benefits
business ventures Why don't we, eh,
enter into; I will explain everything
Okay, that sounds good.
-Hei. -This is a casa.
-Whoo! -Children?
Children?
Hey, kids, come here for a moment.
I want you to meet someone George, can I talk to you? for a while?
Wait a minute, Grace.
Dickie, this is Sam and Sally.
Sam is the boy,
So, that must make it Sally.
Okay, why aren't you guys? make small talk,
and Grace and l will enter another room
and hammer some details.
Hi.
How are you?
We're fine.
How are you?
You don't think it should have been done by me first ?!
George, you invited foreigners to live in our house Only about one month or more.
-Good... -Viewing,
You just finished night school right?
Learning Interior design.
It costs money.
Money that we don't have.
That's one reason I took those classes--
so I can contribute income.
When?
George...
What I'm saying is that we can
really use this extra money now
Pay for some TV ads down in the parking lot
Take some pressure from me
I am asking you for help.
Help me with this
I think that would be a good thing.
I need a bed.
Should it be a baby bed?
Here is $ 20.
I like that idea.
Let's bring it back Touch, okay?
Seriously, what about the water bed?
A water bed?
Yes, I understand is a little lower back noise My neck is crackling.
I think I'll move tomorrow, bright and early
That sounds good, huh?
Operation Re-do Childhood will begin.
I don't want him in our room.
Children, we really want this with Mr. Roberts to work out,
So, let's try and be as soon as possible.
OK?
I like that; I like where you are going.
That's the right attitude.
Alright.
Dickie, I say, I've called the Reiner office
again and again.
They won't put me through.
I have to leave five to six to seven or eight messages.
Well, then, go nine, ten or eleven.
Come on, in the end From all this, Sidney,
You have to get I auditioned it
Dickie, I'm sure you want You have a better agent.
No, you are my agent, man.
Come on, we're a team.
Hey, by the way, I read the script,
Blake's Backyard Last night.
Oh yeah?
I can't make a head or tail.
There are lots of adult items, blah blah blah
I don't know what is happening.
Maybe I really need to learn something Well, Hutch is your father.
You have more talent in your veins from half the actors in this city
You will be great Sidney, David Soul is not my father Oh, son, I'm sorry.
Is that Starsky?
No. Not.
I don't really remember my real father
The only memories I have
is playing That's the Candy Land board game.
I'm around five or six years old.
We laugh.
I'm very happy But then he left,
and that's just me and my mom for a while,
and then he left, so...
I'm sorry, kid.
Sidney, the point is, You are always there for me.
You have become a good person You're a good agent; I appreciate it
Okay, listen, You go do your project,
and I promise you, I will do whatever is needed
to get the audition
with Rob Reiner, okay?
I have never doubted you for a moment.
We're a team.
We will get this.
Go get them!
And other things, Foreign danger,
all of these video games - they are mine.
And, uh, Sally's item-- is his
So, it's not sensitive.
Hey, can you knock it on?
with the Dangers of Foreigners moniker?
I'm not crazy about that.
Well, I think it's a bed of water It's a little silly.
Do you like it, cuckoo on the head?
Yes, and I don't think You have to turn on the hose.
You will get an Action Wiggle Water away.
Ooh, Wiggle Air - what is that?
Toys - water shaking?
Do you not know what toy is?
Uh-eh.
Oh, man, this is sad.
You really lost, is not it, Stranger Danger?
Alright, I can teach you
how to install Preparation H in your eyes
to get rid of the bag, huh?
I'll help you, you help me.
I only say
a Water Wiggle will defeat the crap from you Yes, this is not a toy and more bruising machines.
I like that, that's interesting, say more
What toys should I know?
Uh, Gobots, Hot Wheels, Robodon.
Transformer
Slip 'n Slide.
Strategy
Rat traps.
-Trolls. -Faster.
-He-man. -Copy.
-Dumarina. -Click Clacks.
-Pac-Man. -instructions.
-Wheel-o. -Donkey Kong.
-Ulat. -Duncan Yo-Yo.
-Razor Scooters. -Return to Wolfenstein.
Uh-huh Okay, that's enough.
Don't make me call Guinness book
But what about the best game of all?
Come on, guys.
Candy country?
-No. -Don't know that
No? I got you.
What's on your face. Candy Land.
That's the most fun I'm like a child.
I remember taking the card with ice cream on it.
I am like...
We have a winner! What
Yes, whatever.
But still, that's the Water Wiggle
it should be think about it
Great, Chicken Little.
Oh.
God.
What's wrong? You like that ?!
Yes! What happened, bitch? Hah?
Damn, that's the Air Wiggle thing like Stephen King's movie.
Is this supposed to be a toy?
Anyway, okay, so, this is the Water Wiggle.
Other toys You want to show me
geez.
Look at all this shit.
What is shizzit
This is a secret way to swear.
Once again, learn from me, I will learn from you These are all our toys from when we were kids.
Yes.
It seems like just yesterday.
Wow, we are sure that it has a lot of shizzit The chicken crows the morning crow
And horse ringing
-for motorists. -Boring.
Let me guess-- cows say "moo"
and the duck says "shaman."
You need to update this.
How about "Sprinklers say..."
Yes. And a motorbike runs...
And jet ski - similar to to the motor, not the same.
Look, it came out a little
Because you have water in carbohydrates Hmm?
Sally looks at me like, "You're an idiot."
Well, queued up, sister, because my ex-girlfriend said,
"You're a loser,"
and the casting director said, "You were washed,"
and my mother said, "You're embarrassing,"
and people on the street say, "You suck,"
and I said, "No, you suck," and he said, "You suck, man,"
and I go, "No, you suck,"
and he leaves, "You know you suck," and I go...
Chicken crows. Rooster.
What else do you have?
Can you pass the potatoes, please?
Popeye, no
Leave.
Oh, hey, Mom, where's my field hockey shirt?
I can't find it.
Hmm. I wash and fold it and place it in your drawer.
No wonder you can't find it.
Hey, Stranger Danger, I have to ask,
what's wrong with gloves?
This kind of makes me panic.
Uh, sanitation reasons. Shhh.
Anyway, you guys,
I don't want to stop you - continue.
By the way, by the way.
I like all this normal crap.
"Trash?"
Goods. Normal goods
Hey, where is George?
I want your actions to be small.
He almost never ate dinner.
Sally, call Jane.
He wants you to call him back.
Who is this Jason guy? does he have a crush on?
Oh, only boys, but Heather Bolan
really stole him away from him
Why?
Because he can.
She's the most beautiful girl in school,
and whatever he wants, he gets.
Heather Bolan has an older brother.
He's really a jerk.
He really picked Sam.
It seems like everyone in school doesn't
I have a call. Shhh. Two seconds
Go for Dickie.
Hey, Dickie.
Hey, Sidney.
I just returned from Rob Reiner's office.
Guess who's there?
Sean Penn.
No, not Sean Penn!
Not Sean Penn! Cursing!
Oh, Dickie, Don't worry about that
I attacked a friendship with security people Rob.
I really feel that we are moving forward Yes! And this is learning-up- on-being-a-child thing
will be big
Take me there,
I will nail that part like Jesus Carpenter.
Okay, See you later, friend.
Heh-heh! What
Oh sorry.
I'm a little excited.
I'll go drain the main vein, how about that?
I mean, I urinate now.
This is very crazy.
The thing to shake the water is a joke
He destroyed this toy
Like him is really out of control Mom, you have to listen to me.
We don't want him around anymore.
Can't you make it go away?
I like it for,
but your father made this is related to him
Wait, I understand.
Let's pretend to stay in our tree house behind
good for the project.
Yes. But, Sam, the tree house is quite old and ugly
So is he.
We want him out of our house, no?
No?
Hey.
What do you know, Dickie?
We came up with a good idea.
Maybe you should stay out again at the tree house
Sam, that's a good idea.
A true child will do that, no?
Yes. Yes, that might be fun.
Alright.
I wonder if he did it up there Who cares, just Stranger The danger is coming out of our house.
But still.
Yes.
This actually looks pretty cool.
Is that a disco ball?
Seducing!
Look, maybe it should be like that ip peek at our heads Alright, let me talk.
Eh, can I help you?
Am I too hard? in my tree house
Um...
Well, we just want to know
if we can come.
"Can we come?"
All right, you can come
for a little, see what's missing
Now, you really remain this place, right?
Oh, yes, I do.
Put a little lipstick on this pig
But I'm confused, Because you like it now,
and I think that tree home is an obstacle
If I take a poll, people will say it's sucked.
But maybe I'm wrong.
Maybe I'm stupid, Maybe I'm stupid.
It's a bit cold now.
Oh, now it's cool.
Did you hear that?
This is rather cool now.
Let's go.
Wait.
Don't leave. You can stay.
What do you want to do?
And become a hook hook
depends there on the car door.
Ooh, that's intense.
Okay, now it's my turn.
Alright.
This is the story of the magician from Cloverfield Central School.
Once upon a time, There were wizards at school.
He is a very, very bad witch.
Ha ha.
All boys like it,
because they don't know How bad the witch is.
Sally, does this wizard have a name?
Um... Not really.
Only magicians
Right, and Sally, What is this witch like?
Okay, he's dressed really well,
Because his father has a lot of money The captain is really hot, Zootopia's boss is super tight.
I don't think this is a witch.
I think it's Heather Bolan.
What? That's crazy.
Okay, this is Heather Bolan.
Oh, do you know what, Sally?
I don't like it and I haven't even met him.
Whoever bothers you can't be good
Now, it's my turn.
My story is called " Sitcom Day Has Been Canceled."
Heaven, he's a storm that night.
Suddenly, the telephone rings.
The little boy's mother took it "Hello?"
The bad producer at the other end says,
"Ranking has hit six years low."
This is becoming more frightening.
"The network is panicking."
Yes. This is where the place heats up.
They don't do it has a substitute show
No no!
Dickie!
I know, What will they do?
What? What is wrong?
There is something...
Okay, I will stop. What?
No.
Don't, don't.
Stay away.
No, go down.
He had a bad dream.
He has spoken in his sleep like that for the last hour.
Dickie?
He started... Down.
-Don't leave me -Pickie, wake up
No, it's mine.
I can't...
Mother?
What?
Do something.
No, no more.
Dickie, wake up. Dickie, wake up.
Wake up.
You have a bad dream.
Oh, there's this big spider and them... they tried to eat me
and they make their feet jam in my ears
and in my brain, and them...
Mother.
... my head and...
Come on, ma'am, just sing it.
And there are so many...
Good. Dickie,
This is what I did for my children when they experience nightmares
Hush little baby, don't say a word
Mama will buy you a mockingbird
And if it's a mockingbird bird don't sing
Mom will buy you a diamond ring
If it's a diamond ring turns brass...
Good.
Let's go to sleep. No problem.
Well, that might be the most beautiful thing
something has been done for me You feel bad, and your mother
actually trying to make you feel bad.
Wow.
By the way, your mother is really hot
-What? -Ew!
What, am I wrong?
And what is the backyard like?
Did he manage to get the G-string
or they're a big ancestor with a grid
I bet sweet thong.
-Ugh! -Dirty!
Yuck.
Come on, Sam, pretend he's not your mom Are they real I think they are real.
I met them a few days ago
and it's like "boing," and I'm like "boing."
Dickie, he's our mother She's also my mother, and I deal with it somehow.
Anyway.
Good night, shy person.
The dream of a prudes dream.
Use it
Have a good G-rated dream. _ Be careful.
Get some sleep, Dickie.
Okay, Stranger Danger, This is Slip 'n Slide.
If you master this,
This is the first step to become a real child -Great. -Pickie,
There must be water on it.
Oh, that's...
it will leave a mark.
That's... sting.
Good to go.
- Yeah, alright. -He did it.
It was very fun.
I have something better.
Only water is paralyzed.
This requires a little Wesson-ality.
Dickie, are you sure about this?
Soothing.
We start.
Oh, shit!
Ow...!
broken up.
The toy is lnsane inside the membrane
Insane, no brain.
I was quite hit There, but I learned a few things.
Let's stay soft in the future.
So, what do you drink, become a child?
Uh, soda, like-like root beer.
Well, not a child who is wussy.
A good child, okay?
You have me in the beer section, but you lost me at the root.
Now, don't jump for liquor malt,
but there is something in the middle.
What about real beer?
Wow, miss. Easy.
Whoa.
Okay, real beer. How many?
Six pack?
So, are you crazy?
Six pack?
Are you a total alkie?
geez.
What about four?
One for you, one for you,
and two for me Because I'm the kind of hoarse child.
Okay, so it's a six pack.
You just said four.
Oh, wussy took the minutes of the meeting.
Okay, four of them.
I will buy. I will fly.
We shouldn't to drink it
What?
We have to think about drinking beer
One day, in the future.
This is like, uh, you know, "When I get older,
I will be allowed to drink beer."
This is too fast I know kids are on TV shows
offended when they were 16 years old.
"Whiffed up"?
Whiny, coke, toot, line, explosion, rail,
nose candy, demon dandruff,
flour, arrogant sifek,
sugar booger
Come on, Sam, the rest of the class is on page 52.
Dickie, when you're talking For me, everything I think about is
Brick walls, waterfalls
Dickie thinks he's got everything, but he's not
And I did it, so it's booming with that attitude
Peace, punch, Cap'n Crunch
I have something you can't touch
Bang, bang, choo-choo train
Wind me up, I do my thing There are no Reese pieces, 7 UP
Mess with me, I will mess you up.
Interesting.
Whatever.
Anyway.
By the way, sniffing bad luck, is not good.
Don't do it
Let me tell you something.
About this place the item?
When I'm your age, I do whatever I want,
whenever I want
All right, look, maybe that why are you messing up now
Oh! How dare you.
Anyway, check this.
Listen, I go ahead
and make you your precious root beer
Ooh, I like it.
A, B, C, D, E, F, G.
"I am a Man."
I want to bang on your mother I said I want...
Oh...
By the way, thank you, you guys.
For what?
Be nice to me Knocking on the strange thing.
Well, Dickie, you are actually a really cool guy.
I mean, is very deep within you.
I mean, very deep.
So deep that some people stop seeing.
Deeper than the well
Deeper than the ocean.
Deeper than the Marianas Trench.
Deeper than volcanoes.
Deeper than a...
All right, I understand - is deep.
Now, bro.
Sleepy time
Little dude sleeps
Insane inside the membrane
Insane, no brain.
What time did you enter Last night?
Will you rise from behind?
I came out with a salesman all night They like to drink.
Morning.
Mother, Father, bro, sis.
Good morning.
Morning, Dickie.
Hey, Pebbles, where is Bamm-Bamm?
Oh! Interesting.
Got a little champagne lunch for my new family
How about that? Mimosa for me posse?
Champagne for my true friends,
and I really got sick for my fake friends.
Dickie, I want you to stop by dealers today
Oh, father-child thing?
What should I say, Sam?
Give that to me?
I don't know He never asked me to go to work with him Alright, mark you down because there is no help
Sally, is it up to you? Yes?
Yes, a "yay" will cover it.
Yay!
So go there around, what, 12: 00-ish?
Alright. Heh-heh.
Hey, and you - push me on the stroller I want to feel it for that
What?
Ah-dah.
Daddy!
Mother hesitates.
He doesn't understand -
I fight people like that from Mr. Sean Penn here
Grace, let's try and make this work
Yes, let's try making it work.
Thank you, Father. What
Whoo, whoopie!
This feels a little weird.
Dude, I'm the one on the stroller Do you call me "dude"?
I mean, "Mommy!"
It's hard to get my head around that word
You know, my real mother
I want to call him with his first name
And you, like, are too beautiful to become a mother
I mean, you are obviously a mother, so...
I'm wrong, but maybe it's not as beautiful as I think it is.
Wow, let me filter
through it to find praise nuggets
Get rid of, sifty.
You realize, don't you, that this whole idea
no doubt
the most ridiculous effort ever tried
Oh, Grace?
Hi-hi, Mrs. Gertrude.
You know, your tree drops leaves
on our property again
Oh, I'm very sorry It's just me...
This is a nuisance,
and we tried to be a good neighbor,
but you really made it difficult
Oh, who do we have here?
Are you a little big for a stroller?
Are you a little big for the sidewalk?
I mean, O Lord, hide the rattan furniture.
What This donkey means business.
People, this is not practice.
China, I'm sorry about vibration,
But this woman needs her letter.
What, cats have your tongue,
or do you eat it for breakfast too?
And you keep your dirty dog Popeye out of our yard too,
You're a terrible neighbor Ca-coon, ca-coon, ca-coon.
Dickie, that's right Alright, and rightly so straight with you
Come on, Grace,
You must learn to stand up for yourself But to be honest,
I like to stand up for you at that time.
Now, that's...
I will say, By the way, that's good.
I'm not used to it.
Hey! You are that person from a TV show
The actor actor who washed it.
Can I get a picture?
Do you know what?
You say it like that, You can do it.
Look at this.
Smile.
Zoom. Good.
Ah. That's it, Captain.
Memories forever.
Hey, make a double.
Amazing.
No, look, I'm sorry, okay?
Listen, I'm new to this.
I need your help.
Alright, I'll tell you this much--
You will have to disguise yourself somehow.
Wait, wait, wait, what do you mean?
Like, your hair dye.
Anything, so people don't recognize you
and makes you forget You try to be a child.
That's a good idea.
Oh, not only is she sexy, is she a smart mother!
Why is that compliment? almost made me vomit
What am I saying
That's good.
So, this is the Indian sitting on the side of the road.
He sells clay pots.
Now tourists see them above
He said, "Hey,
" You sell this pot for five dollars
You get the exact same pot there for ten dollars. "
And India says,
" Some people like shopping five dollars;
Other people like shopping ten dollars. "
Ah, I got a better joke.
Two gay monkeys went to Istanbul...
Dickie, this is no joke,
This is life philosophy: money.
Oh...
Make money - not money what's your little comeback thing is all about
Actually, no, this...
I'll be honest with you, Dickie.
I have been married for 14 years for the same woman,
and we got several children.
They look like good kids.
I don't know, I don't spend much time with them I'm not too much from a child.
Man, I'm playing treadmill, Dickie.
I looked around,
I see other people are having fun.
Just when I'm thinking I can't stand it anymore,
You fell into my lap.
You're my answer, Dickie.
You are the thing it will make me happy
I'm not a fool, if that's the case What are you leaning about.
Like, I don't. I did it. I'm not anymore.
What I'm saying is,
You get what you want out of my family...
I don't get anything from you.
Star map here.
Map to star house.
God bless you, sir.
Thank you.
Hey, Rob Reiner isn't on this map
God bless you, sir.
Ah...
Um, hey.
Oh, what time is it now?
3:20. Oh, I have to go meet kids
Look at little Sammy, the sissy
Come on, you guys, leave him alone
Ah!
His little brother must stand up for him How little Sam is.
Why can't it be? Leave me alone?
What have I done to you?
Sammy, the sissy, acts all lewd.
Sammy the sissy, acting all prissy
Sammy the sissy, acting all lewd.
Guys, he's thinking his own business.
Sammy, si...
-Why isn't it? -Sam, Sally, what's wrong?
Dickie, what are you
Holy nonsense on toast!
Look at this weirdo!
Her character with Sam Finney, yes, Sammy?
Let's leave here.
Leave him alone, you goose bumps!
What do you contact us, you little bitch Whoa, whoa, whoa, you're just wrong word
for the wrong little girl, Cap'n.
How much weight, 20?
What weight, 2,000?
Do you want to choose it? Why not choose me?
You bastards want to go toe-to-toe with me?
I'll go Water Wiggle on your ass Huh?
"Huh? What?
I don't understand words. I'm so stupid."
Is it red hair, or is someone lightly farting from your mouth?
-Hey! -Hey?
Don't you mean oink?
Piggy is small, it's not like that run into the marketplace Oink, oink.
That's crazy.
Now the crowd lights you up, and it sucks.
Tell you what. Listening.
Red, like o 'goo, weird nature,
why don't you go home, urinate your pants,
crying your eyes,
hit each other fat, small butts,
wake up, have Eggo,
run back here, and we will do everything again?
Because I like to exercise
on you vomit stained, small punching bag
A-choo!
Now hit it.
-Yes! -Yes!
-Stay! -Sam Finney's
much cooler than you will ever
It's a joke.
Oh yeah!
Mother, you should see Dickie back there
That's awesome!
He really nailed these kids.
That is a verbal punch, a carpet bomb
Actually, Dickie,
I can't believe what you did to your hair What? Oh...
Worth it Everyone looks at me.
It's weird.
Dickie, how nice how you tore those people.
I wasn't impressed Dickie insulted
a group of your friends
Alright is not really a friend Yes, you should see these people
I mean, I hope they never come back
They are losers.
It's just that, Mom, relax.
Relax?
Wrong attitude with a mother, friend
You must stay clear,
-and, you know, respect. -Oh!
Listen, you guys, before pizza,
I have to be swung this interview
It only takes a few minutes.
They just want to meet voice from the telephone
Do you have an interview? What for?
Interior design work.
They see my picture, and they like them.
Mother, that's great
-Wow. -Mm-hmm.
That's some cool satire.
What did you just say?
Shizzit
This is Dickie said.
Dickie, after my interview,
You and I will have a serious conversation Mother, I... Dickie will be fine.
Yes, it might be some rough side,
but we will file them for him.
Ah, look, Mommy? Everything will work.
Oh Boy.
I don't know this part of the city at all
My first interview, and I will blow it
because I couldn't find the house.
Turn it over, turn it on!
Oh, no, do you believe this?
God, I'm really going to be too late Do you know what? Dickie to save him.
I have an idea.
Let me see that address
9-1-1, what is your emergency?
God, there's a fire
at McHenry's house, 368 North Hobart Street!
Fast!
Follow the fire truck.
Come on, Mommy.
Amazing.
Do you think the alarm is wrong is funny?
Do you think it's okay to phone on fire ?!
Now, that's the name
being aggressive towards your career , you know
You want something, You have to work at it.
That's one day.
You know what, it doesn't matter how much you want something,
You don't trample others to get,
and of course don't violate the law
You are okay but a disturbing influence,
since you arrived here
Now, I study, and that's the point,
but don't kick me out
I have nowhere else to go. I have nowhere else to go!
Why does that sound familiar?
This is from a Officer and a man.
That's what Richard Gere said.
See? I'm a good actor.
That's it! Outside!
I want you to come out now too!
I don't care what the settings are You have my husband.
I will not tolerate this again!
No, come on.
-Dickie, no...! -Please!
-No! Oh! -Listen to...
Oh no!
Dickie! Ah!
-Go! Go away! Go now! I mean it! -Hei, ow!
You don't understand, I know I'm messed up.
I'm really lost.
Look at me, I'm very big failure as a human.
I wear gloves 24 hours a day.
Why? Because I'm afraid to touch something physically
or anyone
I don't want people to look into my eyes Because they will realize there is nothing there I am a total mess.
Grace, what do you think you can take
a bit of your dysfunctional family fighting inside?
We don't need to see your dirty laundry Mrs. Gertrude, please, okay?
Just blow your ass!
This is between me and my family Good!
-Mom, that's awesome! -Mom, that's awesome!
Wait a minute.
Why do you say that?
Is that because I said to stand alone?
This. See, Grace?
I-I'm not totally useless.
Dickie, everything is just crazy I mean, you can't just observe the family
and learn how to be.
You know, it's not like that monkey-see, monkey-do.
This is more than that.
You don't understand I'm desperate.
If I become a star again, everyone will come back
Dickie, it's not supposed to be to work like that
I know, but I hope for something different?
Grace, please
I need this part.
I really need it,
that I don't know if I can continue without it
Hi mom?
Maybe we can give Dickie only one last chance?
Yes, ma'am
He can do better.
I mean, if we help.
What did Popeye get in his mouth?
Gosh, this is a dead rabbit.
God.
This is Gertrudes pet rabbit.
Popeye killed their pet rabbit.
Popeye's evil dog
What will we do?
God. Oh, my God.
Popeye must have got it
to the back cage and kill him.
God, they've been angry with us Now we are in all kinds of from problems
Wait a minute.
We can fix it.
Rub-a-dub-dub, rabbit in the bathtub
do you think we have to shampoo it?
Do you have "Gee, Your Dead _ Terrific Rabbit Smells"?
Oh.
No, but I have V05.
We will enter several leave-in conditioners and protein package.
This will look good as new
except for the dead part.
Stop it.
I think we should start to dry it immediately.
Then I go to get the brush Fast.
All right, say what.
I will return it to the cage everything is clean and when Gertrud people go home,
they open the cage
and they think it's dead natural causes.
This is a perfect plan.
You guys, Gertrudes-- I think they will go home.
Alright, let's go Okay, okay, dry it.
here here.
We start.
Dry, dry, dry.
Okay, it's back at home.
We really got away.
Hey, what's in the cage?
This is Peter! Oh no!
Devil rabbits
Devil rabbit, demon rabbit!
Mr. and Mrs. Gertrude, what's wrong?
Our pet rabbit died two days ago.
We buried it there.
And now he's back in the cage!
Oh, Satan taunts us!
Oh, demon rabbit!
That's a sign from hell!
It means moving from that house.
Move!
Rabbit spirit.
Devil rabbits Devil rabbits
Seducing! Exit!
They left They moved.
Devil rabbits
That was fun.
So, can I stay?
So the three bullies don't miss anymore?
I know that, they're stupid.
Hey, what are you calling this hairstyle again?
Tiger-Do.
Looks cool, right, Sam?
Yes man.
Bitchin's cool style, man.
I like it.
What is this, hedgehog? Oh oh.
So what do you want to do today, Dickie?
First, teach me how to ride a bicycle
Yes!
I am pedaling. I think I understand.
Let him go.
Leave. Go away. Go away. Go away.
Go for it
I did it.
Dickie, are you okay
Ow!
Who put the truck there?
Are you okay?
Oh wow.
Oh. I see birds and bells and beautiful girls.
Sam, front and center in double.
We just moved to this house
Oh, well, we have a new neighbor.
What do you think about that, Sam?
Sam, do you want to say hello to a new neighbor?
Hello.
Hi.
He greeted you, didn't he?
Listen, these people are teaching me
how to ride a bicycle You want to go with
- Sure. - Alright, let's go
Yes!
Whoa!
Ow.
Oh-oh.
Whoa.
Have you experienced anything bad? Wipe-out You don't even feel it?
That's not one of them.
This is it, guys.
Thank you, Mrs. Finney.
Thank you very much.
Are you okay?
I chew it out there.
You are fine.
So you really will help me
Yes of course I will help you.
If someone doesn't enter immediately, You can commit suicide.
Listen, Dickie, you already
has happened This is all wrong.
You know, there are no poems or reasons for your plan.
You are like a chicken running around with its head cut off.
me.
A chicken with a head chopped off off, that's a good analogy.
Stop it.
Good,
but if you want my help,
You play according to my rules and my rules.
OK? So first, gloves.
They leave
Wait a minute.
Dickie, so that this works,
we have to almost reboot you, like a human computer.
Not gloves, anything except gloves
Alright
Alright alright.
But I just want you to know
that this is like me asking you to take your top
Is that crazy right?
Dickie
Right.
Oh, air... Ow.
I don't like it.
Happy?
Yes. See?
Grace?
There are men on the stucco stage there
What is this part? from your interior design?
No, George, it's broken from the water bed accident.
What is Dickie What do you do to your hair?
Oh. I dip it.
It doesn't come out so good.
Listen, that's the idea, okay?
People recognize it
and he is being disturbed from the project.
He will do the commercial for me, Grace
George, he paid you a lot of money to be here, isn't that enough?
I have a lot of plans for him.
She's human, okay?
He is not just a product for you to use
Alright.
Wow, I feel like you have really underestimates me here
I go out.
Oh Boy.
What?
That, like, the best thing has anyone ever told me
What is it?
That I'm not a product.
Wow.
Then, when the Hallmark card enters, you will be easy to please.
Listen, I'm... I'm sorry George is angry with you.
Is that because of me?
No, but that's good.
You start thinking like a real child
Children always think it's theirs Mistakes when parents separate.
Is that what will happen? happen to you and George?
I don't know You know, I know everything I can think of
to stay with for children
I'm a mother first, but...
George makes me feel very guilty for even wanting a career,
You know, like that makes me less than a mother
Now, I got news for you.
They don't even write TV as good as you Now now, we are even.
Because that's the best praise I've heard
You know, maybe we should do it your hair dye back
Yes.
Well, since you left to be here for a while,
I think I have to read this text
See what it is you really want it
Please do it.
Maybe you can make it some sense No, no, no, no, no.
I don't know what to do.
There are no gloves
No need for them.
Dickie, you promised To help me
with my squad trial.
Oh, I will.
Peper's squad place take your name on it.
Have I ever said that I am a backup dancer for Vanilla Ace?
Not possible.
Oh, yes, I owe him.
Explosion.
We are on time.
- are you sure -Yep, yes.
Alright. Let's begin.
Do you get the words below?
I think so, huh.
I think of you too.
I pulled this last night.
This is your dance step.
Okay, girl, come on, let's go.
It's time to start.
Our first contestant is Heather Bolan
Hey, canary, I got a message for you
And that's how it happened.
Oh
I, l
me
I want to be bad with you, baby Me, me...
I, l
I want to be bad with you, baby Are you
Understand what I need from you Let me be the girl to show you, you
My body is weak I'm on the run
There is no time to sleep
I have to go up
Drive like a wind
Free again
And I have a long way
That way is so far
To get to the border from Mexico
So I will go up
Like the wind
Drive like a wind
Will rise like the wind.
Oh, that's great!
Yes!
That's perfect.
Sally, I'm very proud of you.
Yours!
Oh, good morning, everyone.
Ooh, I'm having a hard night.
The first time I tried
sleep without my gloves in ten years.
Insane inside the membrane.
Hey, Dickie, okay.
I saw Barbie outside and I started talking to her,
but I am all tied to my tongue and I don't make sense.
I know.
It sounds like you said, "I like meat bread."
Oh, so you can understand that part
All right, I think it will happen needs a little work, friend
There's nothing to fight meat buns though
Okay, why not? tots run to school?
I'll take a cup of java
See you later, Dickie.
See you later
Ooh, morning.
Morning.
Never need this item again.
No. There is no coffee.
Children don't drink coffee.
What? That's crazy.
Juice.
No, coffee in the morning.
Shhh. Dickie, I have to talk to you about this manuscript
I know why you want to do it this film is so much
I read it last night. This is amazing.
Very?
Can you explain it to me?
All right, Mr. Blake
find heaven is in his own yard.
Oh wait.
That's... I didn't take part in it Like heaven, like real heaven?
Yes, he is this billionaire,
and he bought a piece of this mysterious land and he wants to build the biggest house all the time on it.
To be admired by the whole world
Right at Well, that sounds like me.
They should have given me that part This is the problem The bigger he built it this giant house,
a smaller paradise becomes in his backyard.
Hmm.
But he still has a big house right?
Have you ever seen MTV Cribs?
Tommy Lee has a sex room.
And how can all rapper have videos
from Scarface go all the time?
Yeah, okay, meanwhile,
There is this woman, Esmerelda, is Mr. Blake's housekeeper,
and he fell crazy fell in love with him, right?
And then he died.
Wait. Is he dead?
I think this is a fun movie.
Oh, this.
Esmerelda goes to heaven... you see,
So by finding true love,
Heaven is always there,
it's just that he can't see it -
So he cries this big house,
and he lives in his own yard in a small hut...
and that's all is near Esmerelda.
You see, Dickie?
Do you see what the story means?
Not me. Not.
I don't understand all that.
-Now, come on. -Not!
There is no coffee Here, a nice bowl of cereal instead.
Cereals?
I have been drinking coffee since I was three years old.
I need pick-me-up.
Very bad.
Good, the cereal.
Geez, there are prizes in it
There are prizes...
Hey, you guys!
-Hey, Dickie. -Hey, Dickie.
What have we planned next?
Oh, your mother has a lot of items planned -Yes. -Like what?
Like what?
You're crazy.
Whoa.
So, this person really kidnapped me
when I was riding that day,
and he's really weird With, like, this nice haircut,
so I was actually tricked thinking that he was fine,
do you know?
So I finally escaped,
and I returned to Dickie's apartment,
and Dickie has left, and I am like,
"I already have to see my Dickie."
Um, right.
Uh, l...
I do this here, Cyndi, and...
I just don't know if it's a good idea if you're around,
just because I was trying to focus on the plan.
Um, I think that we, uh, up your rent a little, there is really no reason why
Oh, Dickie, thank you.
Thank you.
Oh dear.
What... George?
Dear, I've saved a sexual experience
for life for you,
But first, let's take things off a little,
Iight some candles,
drinking champagne
-Good. -Well.
Do it.
Oh, me, yes.
Get out of here, jerk dog.
-Hmm-mm-mm! -Hmm-mm-mm!
Taittinger, best bubbly.
Do you like the painting?
Huh?
Ooh, this baby is injured.
You're fine, you're fine.
There is no blood Applause.
-Good. -Yuck.
So... relax, I tell about this family
Oh... I have fun.
They are great.
Well, George, he's father.
He's a little... off, But Sam - he's a great kid.
He... he's funny.
and it took all her confidence
and I helped with that, but...
uh, you might not want to to hear all this
and a few days ago I told him...
Yes? Wow, that is very interesting,
um, but Grace - he's really a viewer...
in its own way... I think.
Grace... Wow, l...
Mother? I never thought He was like that.
That's funny.
Yes, right, like you don't realize it?
Come on, and you I thought I didn't realize it
that George is hot?
You haven't changed, Dickie.
You only think you have.
So what will we do? This sex or not,
because I rather want to finish it
Maybe you shouldn't, you know?
Maybe not tonight's great idea
Wait, y-you reject me?
Amazing.
This yokel really gets to you
Okay, alright, if we don't do it,
at least you will at least put out the damn candle
Oh, not this one. It smells good
This is vanilla sandalwood.
You will like it.
Ooh!
Oh! Oh!
-Oh, oh! -Oh, my God.
I'm burning, you idiot!
I'm sorry.
Hey, friend.
Up-bu-bup, excuse me.
I think I said doesn't bother our customers.
Hey, friend, I'm not dangerous.
I just want to talk to Robbie for, like, ten seconds.
Jerry, Asto, get rid of this person
Beat it, friend.
Let's go.
Oh, here it is! This is Rob!
Hey, how are you? Nice to meet you.
Always fun Love your car
Oh, yes, we have, uh, global warming...
I understand.
Hey, Rob, it's me, Sidney Wernick.
Robbed?
Oh, he's gone.
Robbie! Robber!
This is me, Sidney Wernick.
I'm an agent of Dickie Roberts.
Give me five seconds.
Yep, he's a cutie.
I'll give you that
A beautiful girl will never like me
Come on, have you seen Ric Ocasek from The Cars?
That person is rude.
You are far ahead.
Listen, everything you have to do show him
what's cool, your cute dude
But... I'm not good at talking like you
Well, that's debatable.
Let's talk to your mother about that.
Maybe he has some ideas.
No no. We can't talk for mom about this
This is an item a father must help me,
You know, humans are for humans.
I have an idea.
Come here.
Ooh...
Every day through my window, I watched him as he passed
Got a girl like him Is it really a dream come true
Of all fellas in the world
She's mine
But that is only my imagination Escape with me...
Ho-ho, whoa, Sam!
Whoa-whoa!
Ow.
Uh, Barbie...
Uh, Barbie, I... I wish You want to go to the cinema with me
Yes, Sam, I will go to the movies with you.
Ooh...
Idiot!
Yes, hey, wait, wait, here it is
Dickie, this is Sidney - it sounds like something's wrong
What?
Hey, Sidney, what's wrong?
Dickie, turn on the news.
The famous director Rob Reiner is a victim from an incident of anger on the road today in Hollywood
Eyewitnesses say that Mr. Reiner Stop at a red light
When I was angry interesting Mr. Reiner
get out of the Honda lnsight
and start beating him for more than one minute.
Mr. Reiner rushes to the nearest hospital,
His words are just confused,
"I don't know what I did to make him so angry."
God, I can't believe it.
Dickie, I brought an audition.
Did you get me that audition? How?
Well, this is a long story, but tomorrow at 3:00.
Tomorrow at 3:00? I-I-I... I will never be ready.
Now, you must be ready,
because the audition was in the hospital,
and then Rob goes down for operation What is the operation?
All right, short story,
Rob needs a kidney, and I give him one of mine.
We exchanged...
a kidney for an audition.
You'd better get the job!
Holy crap This is tomorrow
I'm not ready yet.
Wait.
I have an idea.
Okay, here it is.
You will be ready, Dickie
This is a big one.
This is Christmas morning.
You wake up happily.
You think you hear wildebeest on the roof, okay
Alright, I'll do it down in a second.
Mom, this is a good idea to help Dickie.
Do you think he can pretend it's Christmas though
not for a while? -So, he can,
and if going down the stairs and see the first red bicycle
help him with his acting somehow, then...
Huh?
She's really special, isn't she?
Who will think?
Yes, I mean how is it possible is the danger of strangers
it turns out to be really cool
Hey, where is Cyndi?
I think he must have helped him with this Bitch.
I came.
Wow, bicycle.
You guys...
that... it's great from you to do this for me
Thank you for being very cool for putting this together, but...
But what?
but... I think it's true You will never be able to go home again.
I mean, I miss on the real thing,
and I don't... I don't think I'll get it back.
Well, maybe you don't get it something back
Maybe you have something you never had
Dickie...
... you have been very good with my family.
You are very nice to me.
You are very different from people who are angry and weird who landed on our doorstep a month ago.
You are a joy to have around...
so... as a gift
for everything you have done to help us
This is not the part of your experiment I got this gift for you.
Country of Candy.
Do you remember?
That's what mothers do.
You grew up, Dickie Roberts.
That's very unfair!
I am very sorry You are here, Mr. Reiner.
Thank you, but why are you sorry Not that you have something to do with that person.
Alright.
Good.
We-we don't have much time here.
I think I'm ready
Seducing! I got that part!
Yes. Seducing.
I understand, honey Come here, doggy.
I get...
Congratulations.
Is it hot here?
-Oh. -Oh.
I got it.
You guys, I understand.
Where is everyone
You guys, are you kidding me?
I got it. This works.
You are there.
I got that part!
Oh!
It's beautiful.
Something's wrong.
Oh, George and Cyndi?
George and Cyndi?
They run together?
So we go for a film in Hawaii
I will be there, like, six months
I sacrificed so much to get this
Sidney releases her kidney.
I will send you some money.
No, no, Dickie.
Please, don't worry about us.
You are not responsible for us.
I am not
Sometimes I feel like me. I mean...
George isn't fair suddenly lost his head, do you know?
Something like this is happening happens sooner or later
Dickie, it's not your fault This is his fault.
Did he take the remaining from your money
Yes.
Yes, but I don't care, do you know?
It's never about money.
It's about something more than that.
And now you have that, right?
Yes.
I have everything I always want
And I have to thank you.
Dickie
Go find your happiness.
Wherever you bring
Dickie, Dickie...
It will only take one minute of your time
What does it feel like to live a Hollywood dream
Dickie, here.
We want to interview boy comeback
for the Hollywood scene
Sally, come on.
Dickie,
Jann Carl, from Entertainment Tonight.
Listen, we want to do an exclusive interview.
This is an amazing story.
You have climbed your way back.
People, it looks like
we will leave here on time today
We anticipate a smooth trip to the Hawaiian islands,
and we appreciate you flying with us here
on Christmas Eve Ho, Ho, Ho.
Sit relaxed, relax and enjoy your trip I see,
Do you want coffee, tea... or me?
Oh, Brittany, you are evil.
Mr. Roberts can't join mil-high club.
We are still on the ground.
Thank you, lady.
I just went to study my line Oh yes, we hear films and directors.
You're a big star So tell us - what's the film?
-We are big fans. -big
Great Very great fans.
- Pain. -We love your work
I mean, but it's normal.
Absolutely normal.
This is about this man, Mr. Blake.
And in the film, he wants to build the biggest house
worldwide, because he thinks
it will make him happy, but not.
No?
Big houses make me horny.
Me too.
Well, he uses to think the same way,
But then he fell in love.
Is he a flight attendant?
Can he live in that big house?
Because I met this producer...
No no Listen, listen.
He found love, and he realized that love is everything.
Not the biggest house In the world,
not being a billionaire.
He knows what he wants Not what he needs,
and what he needs is in his own yard.
It's there in his own yard.
I have no money for real prizes this year, okay
So, Sam, if what I get from you is is not what you really want,
or you are disappointed, we can return it
And Sally, the same thing happened for you, okay?
Whoa.
Look at all of this.
Where did all this come from?
Dickie!
Dickie, you are here
What are you doing here?
I don't believe it.
-Hei. -Merry Christmas.
Dickie, what about your film
Well, sometimes Hollywood is if you say no,
it only makes them want you more So you live, Dickie?
If your mother is fine with that, I want the room and the board
for some time.
Oh.
Good!
So Dickie Roberts' dreams do come true,
but in a way that he never can be imagined.
He created a sitcom based on exploitation,
and, with Leif Garrett starring in as the Dickie character,
The show quickly goes up to the top ten,
won four Emmys.
Here's Dickie and his agent, Sidney Wernick.
I may have to urinate every 45 minutes,
but at least I can urinate in the golden toilet
Dickie doesn't forget his friend,
and they enjoy a weekly place in the popular sitcom.
With Grace in charge from the set design,
Sam wrote a joke,
and Sally became the youngest choreographer on TV,
Dickie keeps showing real family affairs
Brick wall, waterfall, Think Danny
He has everything, but he doesn't.
And we do it.
So booming with that attitude.
Reese Pieces, 7 UP.
Mess with us, we screw you up.
And cut it. Very good.
They drive me crazy.
As for George and Cyndi,
their ill-fated romance is not quite successful.
Will you make yourself useful and ask me to drink?
How about some champagne?
Whatever.
Impact of bottle leads for cases of walking amnesia,
and George last seen hitching to the desert
to find himself.
Cyndi, soon after, begged Dickie to find work.
He gave him a guest section on the show,
in the episode titled "Cyndi Gets Poison Oak."
His success caused the spin-off for Cyndi to be called,
Bitch Who Doesn't Know He sucks.
As for Dickie Roberts, millions of Americans set in.
to sitcom wedding event
that reflects Dickie's real life marriage
for the love of his life, Grace.
The old saying,
"There is no business like a show business,"
but as an extraordinary saga "from Dickie Roberts,
= Former Child Star," shows us, A better saying is,
"There is no love like true love."
Here's the story Dickie Roberts:
E! The true Hollywood story...
The former child star is a person too
They are just like you, and you and you
How can it be occasionally
Don't respect their dignity?
Because when they succeed through life
Long after the spotlight faded
There are many things some of you do it
That makes them want to be sedated
We love being child stars
on your television
But please stop giving us bullshit Or we will have a direct collision Thank you for allowing me in your living room
To entertain you before going to sleep
But if one more person call me Marcia
I'll break the damn head He is very grateful, as he said But please don't call him Marcia Or he will go bankrupt Your head is freaking
Yes, I prefer to be called Marcia then Screech.
So I sat alone at Arby's
I got a question which made me see red
Hey, Eddie?
Where is Herman Munster?
Well, friend, for ten years, he's dead
They ask, "Hey, Lucy, where is J.R.?"
Come on, you have to be realistic.
One more "Hey, Joanie, where is Chachi,"
and I will go ballistic Our Costars are not called us fast
So please don't ask
Or we take the call and push it
Right above your stupid ass No, we don't ride in luxury limos Private jets, they are not for us
So you might see us driving Neons
Or take a Greyhound bus
Yes, we live just like all of you
So don't contact us losers Or we will hit you with so many rights
You will beg to leave
And beggars cannot become voters I am on Beat Teen with Michael Jackson
Now he's bigger, I guess
Yes, yes
Even though he might be that is a multi-billionaire At least I still have a nose At least we're not crazy We don't sleep with chimpanzees We don't whiten our skin
Or dangle the baby from the balcony
We love being a child star on your television
But naughty and we will break your head Wow, Wally, is that something they say?
Child star on your television
Most of us have nothing to lose So we will put your ass on the news 5:00
We don't know karate, but we know crazy
We will beat you so badly, your future will run away
Child star on your television
Don't ever say, "Isn't that so...?"
Or I'll put your head on via a vintage TV
Child star on your television
Eight rehab is not enough
But I'm done and see the most deadly thing
Child star on your television
You want a signature but I say this
Don't ask a brother When he is urinating
Child star on your television
You can dance like me, You can dance like Mickey
I will hurt you really badly, You can take it from Kenickie
Now of course we have joked
This is all fun We are glad you still love us, after our event passed
But just follow it our simple rules
Or we will beat you like a rented mule.
We love being a child star on your television
Child star
All right, Thank you for coming.
Come on skedoodle.
All right, is seriously late
People behind, just beat it.
We know you left your popcorn.
It's okay. Someone will get it.
And stop pretending like You are reading the credit.
They are so small,
and we encourage them very quickly.
We don't even know who these people are
These are some contracts.
Who is that?
Is that one of you, or is it me
Have a little bite in it.