Good morning, Father.
Hey, Ben, how are you, man?
Oh, God.
Daddy has to get ready to work.
Can't you stay home?
No. I have a real big day at work today.
Kim.
Where is my cellphone?
This is with my crayon.
This is not supposed to be with crayons.
There you go, honey.
Okay, has anyone seen my pager?
This is it.
right by grape juice . I want to know how that happened.
Are my note cards that I have worked all night?
I didn't sleep all night and now they're all sticky.
- Sorry, baby - Yeah...
- Sorry - Yeah...
- Bye-bye - Yeah, I will later...
- Don't forget about orientation today - What is it?
Chapman Academy? The preschoolers?
OK. Right Is there a way we can reschedule it?
Maybe we shouldn't.
Maybe we should take care of business and become responsible parents.
Don't worry.
- Don't be late - I won't be late...
Promise?
I won't be late.
later.
- Does he promise - He sure doesn't?
What happened?
Your worst nightmare.
What?
Mr. Broccoli did not appear.
He got a call back on a commercial potato chip.
- This snack kills us - Yeah, I know.
Marvin!
Yes?
A man who smells of letters?
We need people to wear broccoli clothes, is not a normal person.
Marvin, my man!
My friend, Marvin. What is happening today ? Look, I need help.
We have focus groups and broccoli people left.
I wonder if you will put clothes on and close for us?
No
I can't do broccoli because that's just not me. Sorry.
Can I be a carrot, though?
Yes, you can carrot.
- Let him try your carrot at - No.
- You are going to broccoli - I don't want to be a bush...
This is not a bush, it's stalk . A strong stem of broccoli.
- I'm pretty strong - You can make the job...
Let's switch these demands and get broccoli.
Believe this. Let's go.
B-R-O-C-C-O-L-me!
I'm broccoli and don't know why!
C-A-R-R-O and T!
Healthy carrots for you and me!
You want to do a dance Go Broccoli, is this your birthday?
- Go Carrots, go Carrots, go - No, I don't want to!
Hello, kids!
Zowie! Do we have a special gift for you today!
"Hey! We have a new cereal!
" You're the first child... "
Help!
It's super yummy.
... with all kinds of things that are good for you.
And you know what we call that?
Let's hurry so we won't be late for orientation.
What is the orientation about?
It's preschool, they will play with blocks, right?
Amazing.
Language skills are an important component here at Chapman.
They are part of our core curriculum.
You have to be Charles.
- Call me Charlie. Nice to meet you - How do you do it?
- This is my wife, Kim - Hi...
Kimberly. I am Miss girl blasted, headmaster.
And this is Ben.
How do you do, Benjamin?
- Come on, little man - Nice to meet you...
Can we start?
- Look at their clothes. I like that - They are funny...
We find uniforms strengthen understanding structure.
Good structure.
Our philosophy is that child is like a climbing vine.
With structures to stick to, and gardeners the right to tend to them...
they will grow to the sky.
- Sorry . - So, Mrs. Hinton...
Are you back to work?
Lawyer, I'm sure your file is.
Actually, I haven't practiced it yet.
We were only Ben when I finished law school.
Still a little nervous about leaving him.
All mothers. But you don't need to worry.
our little seeds are in very good hands.
- Turn the phone fucking off - It's off...
And attack!
Now mark your book, number five.
Cat is for the mouse as a frog is for...
Are they doing SAT preparation?
It's never too early to start.
- Nest - Right... Nest.
- I think you turned on your phone from -. This is not my phone, it's my two directions.
This is bad.
Please.
OK. Thank you, dear.
I am very sorry I have an emergency at work... I have to go.
- I understand - I'm sorry...
Hey, little man.
Daddy has to go, but I'll see you later, okay?
Do you want to do a rocket ship?
Let's do a rocket ship.
Sorry about all the noise.
Here you go. Go to Mommy.
I will see later. Thank you for your time.
Sorry He tried a new product at work...
No need to apologize . Diligence always sets a good example.
Jenny. Just in time.
Here is a copy of our curriculum...
and a list of your financial obligations.
This is the price per year?
Per month.
- Ben started pre-school today - Where on.
As long as it's at the Chapman Academy.
Marine Corps day care . Max goes there.
Really? What do you think about that place?
There are not many choices You have blasted women and happy fembots or their Idiot Idiot von and School for Accidental Children.
The number just came for Chocolate Chocolate Balls.
Through the roof!
That's a surprise. Did you hear that Children like chocolate?
Ice cream too.
I forgot I was talking to granola-head from the natural food division.
What is the bad character you have been burdened with?
This is not the bad character This way is Veggie-Os, future cereal...
Right, Veggie-blow I think they killed it...
Jerry!
Numbers on Chocolate Chocolate Balls are through the roof!
What does that mean, "kill that"?
Why did you listen to Bruce No one was killed? He's a clown.
If something goes down, we will know.
We killed it.
Come on, Jim. We have one bad test This is a very difficult one to crack...
Any fool can sell Chocolate Chocolate Balls...
and cotton candy flavored cereals for children.
Cotton candy. It's not bad.
Guys, look. Sorry, but dog.
Children just don't want to eat vegetables for breakfast. Who knows?
I said that six months ago when you put us on this project.
Do you do it?
This is not just Veggie-Os.
We turn off the overall health division.
That's like 300 people.
This is not the business we want to enter
Where are we being moved?
dog, how was your first day at school?
OK.
Just okay?
I don't know who is there.
Give some time. You will make some friends.
How was your day, baby?
I lost J-O-B.
You lost your J-O-B?
I have F-l-R-E-D.
Me and 300 other people.
They can't do that!
- Can't get Jim's Field to do something - He's the one who pulled the trigger?
He won't do anything.
When I knew it was him, I told him to take flight...
Charlie!
H-l-J-K-L-M-N-O-P.
Don't worry about this.
I am on request, and I will have a new job in a week.
What if we use an emergency fund?
We can't get it We already use it on car payments...
Not possible around it.
We have to pull Ben out of Chapman This is too much money...
What will we do for child care?
- Will you stay home with him - No, I will not stay at home with him.
We just have to find something that is more affordable, that's all.
- This is the correct address - You have to be able to joke around...
- We can at least check it out. Ben won't be here.
Looks can be deceiving. I will go see.
Visible can cheat We are in the trailer parking lot?
I am looking for preschool.
Yes, that is.
Welcome to...
Sorry.
Welcome to the Touch of Eden Preschool.
- can I help - No thanks.
- Is this the correct address, here - I think so?
We look after the children right here.
Please. After you, ma'am.
OK.
- Where did you get this address - You chose this place?
We must report this to someone.
That's what I'm talking about.
I know there must be at least one decent place.
This looks fine.
This is the police.
We have you surrounded.
Alright, Charlie. Submit key.
I don't know where the button is.
Never try it.
- Why didn't you drive the minivan - Number We talked about this last night ?.
You live at home with Ben . I drive a Mercedes.
You have traveled around town in mute minivans all day.
Is it top to bottom?
What do you know, Kim?
Be careful. Don't just park anywhere.
Be careful entering and leaving the car . Don't get door slamming.
here.
Make sure you put good gas there . If you put in cheap items...
the machine will start tapping, and I don't want that.
You don't leave milk in the car with the glass window closed.
Always a seat belt in the car seat.
Don't park in the sun or the chair will overheat.
And juice except if it's in the sippy cup.
Bye, honey.
Can you give a call, tell us what time you will be back?
Because we will be here waiting, is just us both.
Bye, Mom.
Not too fast!
later.
When did you come back?
He'll be back around dinner, Mom.
Is it dinner soon?
No, but don't worry . We will have a lot of fun.
But we need Mommy to have fun.
Have you tried just rested me on the driveway?
- Why do you want to break your father down - Sorry?
That's better. You go bankrupt I go down smooth.
- My eyes are pooled - I'm sorry...
- You make my eyes well until - Okay, let's....
- Look at my eyes - I see twitching eyes.
We will have fun!
Do you know how to change diapers?
Yes, but I think Max's toilet is trained.
Believe me, so do I
Don't do it to me! Are you...
He throws something at me, and it smells.
I really need your help!
- Are you a trained toilet - Yes.
Do you have to go smell?
Yes.
Then, continue. Go smell, then.
Do you have nausea in your stomach that your failure is worthless?
We are worthless failures.
Hey, guys.
- Hey, Peggy. How are you - Good?
What happened, Nicky?
He can be a little difficult to understand sometimes.
dear, go play. Have a good time, have fun.
Stay away from cat feces.
- "Hija"? What did he say - God, I don't know yet.
Doctors say it's just a phase, but...
This makes him absent from Chapman.
Jerks.
Put the mouse down!
Give it to me!
What are you...
Charlie, I think it's great, you guys are full time father.
We're real giants between humans.
you. You must be proud Most men don't know who their children are...
Joe hasn't found anything yet?
No, and he drives me crazy.
I have to go back to work, but what about Nicky?
Dead mouse.
There is no good alternative for Chapman.
If someone opens proper care Program here, they will commit murder.
Nicky, what do I say about cat litter?
What?
A child care center? You and me?
This market is fully serviced . Blasted women have a monopoly on this edge.
All we have to do is enter...
establish yourself as an alternative value, and we will clean up!
- You think I'll be good at child care - Of course.
Sorry? Are these your children?
No
- Remember when you broke my yoyo - I didn't break you yoyo.
- Yes, you did - I didn't break you yo-yo...
You are a bankrupt yoyo.
You killed me. You really killed me.
I'm home!
- You say let's do this together -. No, daddy!
What happened here?
A day care center. In our house?
Yes, Phil's apartment is only a two-bedroom place.
This is crazy on 10 different levels.
What do you both know about _ running day care?
This is not rocket science.
We applied for licenses. - Daddy - What do you want? Rocket ship?
- That's what you want, right - Milk.
Do you want milk? Forgive me. He wants milk.
Rocket man needs milk when he flies This is for strong bones, if you crash...
We understand each other . What do you think about this?
We talk about other people's children Do you understand that responsibility?
I will be careful with them like me with Ben.
Don't rub your head in things . Watch where you walk.
What about when you get a real job Just leave your parents hanging?
We will cross the bridge when we get there.
This will not be permanent.
We will not be rich from this, but it might keep us from bankruptcy.
- I don't know, Charlie - Come on, Kim...
I can't just sit here I have to try to do something...
Come on. I want this.
I guess you better start handing out the flyers.
Alright.
- This makes much more sense... - Me too.
Okay, do you want me to give a hug?
Here is a big hug. Hug group.
Excuse me. When you get a chance...
Here you go, Daddy Day Care.
Hey, little karate guy Daddy Day Care, karate girl...
Hello! Daddy Day Care.
Hello, how are you?
Here you go. If you get a chance...
If you get a chance, we see that. thanks.
If it's not too much trouble, when you get a chance...
"Warm, nurturing, experienced parents...
" extraordinary child care at affordable prices. "
The" experienced "section is what I have to take issue with.
I give three days.
You two people walk Daycare?
Do you register people at the lemonade kiosk on the front page?
Good luck with that. Come on, Paul.
Wait. Don't believe in equality between sexes?
Can't all men do women?
No, we can't. This is not natural.
eeky A little bit.
Are you guys?
What did you think Daddy Day Care meant?
I think maybe one person. Not just people.
I just think it's a smart name.
- Is this a place of care - They are all people?
What are they?
Excuse me. Listen . We are two loving, caring parents.
We run a day care center.
You're some sickos!
What about offering free trials?
sickos!
- Oh, honey - Come on!
Hi, Peggy! Hi, Nicky. How are you?
Nicky is very excited for a big day.
- How old are you? Oh, yes, five - I understand...
Wait. Did you leave Nicky here with these people?
Are you having problems with those people ? Are you from the Dark Ages?
Are you not for gender equality and all that jazz?
Peggy, come on. Of course we are.
So can women not do what men do and what men do women do?
These people can do work.
- You will guarantee a second - Yeah, I'll guarantee for them?
- I'll try it - You do it.
They will have the right time.
- Okay - Right, children?
You're a real savior.
You messed this up, I will kill you empty-handed.
- Here, now, go to Phil - No, I don't want to go...
- Come on. Release - I don't want to go!
He has a bit of separation anxiety.
- Dylan - I don't want to go!
- I just stopped breastfeeding - I panicked too...
- Lf You can take a foot -. I don't want to leave.
- Alright - Here we go...
- Here we go - Come on, Dylan...
- All right, honey. I don't want to leave.
Come on. Let go of Mom!
Thank you. Oh, man.
- There is no lactose, no beans, no shellfish - Nothing high in fructose...
- Or sucrose or dextrose - or maltodextrose...
- No one with a red dye number six - Or number four...
Or the number of two yellow dyes.
Do you say "maltodextrose" to me again ? So funny.
Maltodextrose.
- Or the number of two yellow dyes - Two, right...
His name is Crispin.
my man, Crispin!
How are you, big guy?
What was the pick up at that time?
At 5:00.
I have laser treatment. Make it 6:00.
Sorry about clothes. He won't take it off.
How long has he been wearing it?
A few weeks.
Who will you call if there is a problem?
911, ma'am.
It's like a good girl.
Come on. I will let you hold my key.
What about saving lives do you want to live savers?
What about money? One dollar?
A dollar.
You are a smart person. That is yours . Everything is correct.
Welcome to Daddy Day Care.
We are your team facilitator . My name is Charlie and Phil.
Who has seen the previous mission statement?
Next. Everyone takes one Take the mission statement...
Here we go. One for everyone. Slow down.
Alright. Okay.
Who wants to be the first to read the first sentence...
Okay, how about you?
I don't read.
I am looking for someone who can read.
By raising your hand, how many of you have been able to read?
Raise your hand if you don't know how to read.
This is what we will do.
I will read the hard mission statement...
and what I want you to do just follow along when I read it.
Doesn't that sound exciting fun Here we go?
"As members and facilitators from the Daddy Day Care team...
" we will collectively strive to provide... "
Sean, don't eat the mission statement Get what comes out of your mouth...
"... collectively will try to..."
Don't rip mission statements, Small Flash This is an important document...
Back here!
What he really said was...
Stop running!
here.
Do you want to ship rockets?
- One more - Rocket ship?
Everybody'll get a rocket ship Slow down, everyone ..
- You said it would be easy - You know what I'm thinking now.
This is a big mistake.
I have never stopped anything in life, but I'm not sure if I can accept this.
- I will be back soon - where do you go?
- Help me do a rocket. Believe me.
Four children's absences. No explanation.
Maybe it's just a coincidence.
In this size group, three absent children are coincidental.
Four is a statistical anomaly.
Hello, Santa Luma!
Everyone! This is the Big Phil with a guitar!
Why don't you enjoy the Big Phil while I rest my spine?
Max, bring your father a chair.
They really want that rocket ship.
When I was little at age five
my mom said
I will be the biggest human being alive
I'm a man
I'm an adult man
I'm a fat person Hey, let's go to the kitchen.
Put lime in coconut and drink them all up Put lime in coconut, drink them all up Put lime in coconut You drink them all up I said, "Doctor, is there nothing I can take?"
I said, "Doctor, to relieve this stomachache?"
I said, "Doctor..."
Like a rhinestone cowboy Ride out on the horse
in twinkling rodeo
Hava Nagila, Hava Nagila
Hava nagila
I definitely got out the song.
lunch.
I don't know if we have to feed them this.
Why not? Look at them. They like it.
Yeah, but I'm a little worried.
What about?
911.
He tore his head!
Crispin stole my doll. I need help.
Come on!
Do you know how old the piano is ? Take care of your feet from the piano.
Get your shoes from the sofa Get them from the sofa.
Crispin. Please!
Give me...
meat is not the only thing fresh around here.
Don't play with it. Give me this.
Just leave it, okay?
Alright.
You go down those curtains.
Stop climbing the curtain. You stop it.
You came here!
Give me a vase!
Lower the vase!
Tomorrow, we give them all organic.
Don't worry, it will be fine.
How can you say that? Look at this.
What's up...
You are good.
What do you expect You leave your children professionally?
Sorry to leave you hanging.
Because we were laid off, Sheila made me make dinner.
Really? How did that happen?
This is no nap.
- Can I take this home snack cake - Please ?.
How are you, little man?
That's how you do it?
Excuse me seconds.
Give it to me. It's too hard.
Let's go, it's too hard.
I'm serious. Let's go.
It's late. Where is your mom?
Shut up, Butthead.
Shut up... You stopped it . Do you know?
Your mama and daddy don't want you to talk like that.
When your mother comes, I will tell her that you...
Let's go. Motor running.
- Get out of here. Hey, I want you to do it. Stop, Crispin!
- Don't make a face -. What?
Don't make a line. Soothes the face.
Calm your face. Soothes the face.
Yes, calm your face . Show there is a line, you know.
Are you the initial drop-off?
No, we don't have anything...
I will see tomorrow.
See you tomorrow, Crispin.
You will be like your father.
Look at him . Hanging off from him, his skin. Hang.
- Hey, little man - Hey, Dad...
What are you planning?
Just trying to read the story.
Listen, man...
I know I am really busy today caring for other children.
I know it might not be easy for you to share your toys...
and watch Dad do a rocket plane with everyone, but...
Now that we live, we can do whatever you want to do.
- Can we read this story - We are sure we can read this story?
Alright.
"Once there was an elephant herd. " Young elephants, old elephants, elephants tall and short, fat and thin.
"Everything is different, but all are happy, and almost all are the same color.
" And they all make the sound of elephants. " They all say...
Let me hear you make that sound.
Do it again? No, I can't do it anymore, because Dad might have an aneurysm.
Hey, sorry I'm late.
I didn't clean this up. Hey, take it there. Go sit down.
Maybe I haven't had coffee yet, but it looks like these kids are breeding.
- Yes, we have two new children. Oh come on!
We have our game We need the planned structure and activities...
No, we need Ritalin and a leashes, that's what we need.
What we need is this.
Everyone, let's do this.
Everyone, come here.
Okay, let's try playing another. Let's try this.
Let's try it. This is what we will do.
A new game called Baby Flash.
I want you to hang back and do laterally.
I want you to go in the middle for a button.
I want you to be my blocker.
What if we run in a circle?
We can do that. It plays better . Everyone walks in a circle.
Yes? Alright, let's walk in a circle . Come on, walk in a circle.
Tony, you will see the ball much better if you take your mask active.
I'm not Tony, I'm Flash.
Why don't you play, little man?
Come on, this is soccer. You love soccer.
Help!
Help! Stuck!
I live in California.
- Where do you live - I'm in Hong Kong ?.
Where is Hong Kong?
- Can you hear me now - I can't hear you?
Can you hear me now?
What is that?
I think you like soccer . You say you don't like...
I'll be right back, little man. I have to go...
You have a little problem there with Max.
- It has happened - What happened? What is that?
Lt! It happened He didn't go away for a week... That's all.
Oh, no. That... What happened?
It happened. I know face. See.
- You have to go and face it - I can't...
- What do you mean, you can't - I can't?
- Come on, you have to do it - I can't...
- Yes, you can - I can't...
- Yes, you can - Alright, I will.
Good. Come on
I can't.
Listen. I see you have a problem about this...
so I'll take care of it now, okay?
- In the future, you have to finish it - I have to finish it...
That's your child. God willing, when you get older, he will do this for you.
So you want to know he owes it to you.
- He owes me - He owes you ..
- Don't be sweet with things - I'm not assuming you're doing it...
- So how do you want to do this - I can do it myself.
- You are sure - Yes?
Okay, well, you go and do it with your bad self. You go and do it now.
Alright. You need something, I'm right here.
Hey, big guy, how's that going in there?
I missed.
What does that mean?
I missed.
Oh, hell, no.
- Come on -! No.
Come on. Put this down You don't play with this...
And you tear my wife's interest.
Give me this. You shouldn't To play with something else...
- What happened here - This is out of control.
Don't panic. They are like animals They can smell fear...
I don't know what to do I have run out of ideas...
I will tell you what...
Secretly, children. Follow me.
Six absences.
single file.
I have to go make a phone call.
Let's get ready...
rumbling!
Let me tell you something, I never like carrots.
And today when I stand here and see you before me...
have the courage to think that you can defeat me...
let me say something, brother, I'll kick your butt carrot!
Let me tell you something, Mr. Broccoli.
When this carrot is done with you, You will be nothing but a kumquat!
I will destroy everything in this world the broccoli.
Carrot is the lowest form of vegetables!
How about me?
Nobody likes broccoli.
Really? Well, Ben likes broccoli, doesn't he?
No
You changed yourself growing against me Now you will die?
Okay, come on. I feel that.
Come on.
Did you stop it?
That's all.
- What's that about - I'm sorry?
- You drive me crazy - You little maniac !!
You are damaging my wife's table.
Someone is at the door.
My back.
Is this the Hinton residence?
I'm Dan Kubitz, Child Services.
I'm here to do a compliance check.
Nobody said anything about any checks.
We only do it if we receive a complaint.
Complaints ? Someone complained...
Come on in. You can check us out. We don't need to hide...
You caught us in crazy time We played with children...
Someone complained about us?
So, where is the nap area?
- Napping area - Right ?.
We don't have a nap area.
We just let them fall asleep wherever they drop.
"Sleep where they drop." Well, I think that should be just about doing it.
What's the point?
Well, you must be correct lack on this form.
And also...
You need to fill out the document for compliance with this certification.
Who wants this, carrots or broccoli?
Carrots.
There are many new things here.
So we can stay open, right?
As long as you finish doing it at 9:00 am Tomorrow morning.
9:00
Good luck with this I like what you do...
I don't like being closed down.
We hate you for being that person.
I will. Don't want it.
OK. Safety gate at the bottom of the stairs...
top of stairs, bedroom, bathroom.
I've gotten crazy gate safety.
How many children do we have?
I've lost track, they are running so fast.
You can start this batch here.
- It's late. Let's call it night - We can't call it night...
We have lots of children coming in five hours.
I'm serious. We know nothing about running a day care center.
We don't know anything We are not even good parents.
I'm a good parent.
- What does it mean - What?
That thing. What is that?
Do you know that your rocket ship is doing ? Ben isn't even like that.
That just happened to be Ben's favorite thing.
He let you do it because you like it. It's the time you pay attention - You don't change your child's diaper - I don't like diapers...
You have to teach your child how to go to the toilet and aim...
so we don't have to redecorate the place when he leaves.
You are right.
Let me tell you something.
my child is 4 years old, and for the first time today...
I see him playing with other children, only being a normal child.
It feels great to know that I have something to do with it.
We do that!
If we can do that, we can definitely get this place up to code by dawn.
Let's go crazy safety gate.
Don't worry, he'll be fine.
It's okay.
- What I get is $ 5 - I can break it...
Listen, I left the document on the kitchen table. This is not there.
Please tell me you have it.
I don't have it.
- Hey, guys - Marvin, what are you doing here?
The door is unlocked . I got your final salary here.
Thank you.
So what happened here?
Don't ask.
Can you understand it?
Yes, he speaks Klingon.
That's Klingon I think the kid is an idiot...
God, how many "Star Trek" is that a child's watch?
- Too much - People from Child Services are here...
- Sorry - No, listen. Why aren't you helping me?
Why don't you bring children behind and play with them?
They need their attention for a while, while I talk to this person.
Whatever you do, don't let this be a great champion approach the lawn mower. thanks.
- Mr. Kubitz. Hi -. I think I'm still early, but...
- I only got the document - Great...
- You dropped something -. Yes.
- Children want to help - That's sweet...
So, this is all for you.
What I need is your signature on the back of his head.
And on this child's elbow.
- Do you have a pen - I have a pen?
- This is my lucky pen - Thank you...
- And where is there... the initial elbow.
- Fill the back of his head - On his neck?
- Large. That should only be about doing it - here we go...
- You are ready to roll - Let's go in and start...
Well, you know, everything looks fine here...
but say here that you now have 11 children.
That's right.
So I assume that you have been hired by a third service provider.
Why do you just assume that?
Well, section 768 of the Child Welfare Code specifically states...
that the ratio of children to care providers cannot exceed 5: 1.
- The 768.04 - 768.04...
The thingy ratio . We decided that this morning.
- Good - Yes...
We recruit people. We employ Marvin.
- Marvin is hired! He is with children - He is a very good child care worker...
I want to see, if it's okay with you.
- You want to go there - It will be good for me to see for myself ?.
Let's go and we see Marvin.
Now, put your hand up. Now, show everything.
He really seems like he knows what he is doing.
Of course.
- I have to say that - Yeah, we interviewed many people...
Yes, it is, very long tiring singling-out process.
And now, I'm chicken.
I'm a bird. Look, I'm a bird.
You can never be too careful when it comes to children.
And here at Daddy Day Care we will only work with the best, so we are Marvin.
Sorry.
- What do you do for children - What?
- Are they on drugs - Well, there is one child, maybe.
How do you make them behave like this?
- I have to know how to handle them. How do you know that?
I read the book "Baby Dr. Spock and Child Care".
This is not about "Star Trek".
- Finish - Yeah...
You know, when I'm behind...
I see, under the roof terrace...
what looks like a honeycomb.
- The big one - Don't worry... All are treated.
- I don't want people to get hurt -. There is no heartache. Gone.
- You really have changed this around - Thank you very much...
- I'm impressed. I really - Thank you...
For our own curiosity...
chance you can tell us where the complaint came from?
I will be very happy, but I have a relationship with the country.
- Only for our own curiosity - That is Miss woman blasted...
- I'm sure he will see us - We need to talk to you...
- Sorry. They just broke right in. - That's what, Jenny.
Ladies and gentlemen, please sit down.
Now, what can I do for you?
We want to thank you for helping to accelerate our accreditation process.
Thanks, someone tip you from the service the child came to see us.
I heard that you opened a kind of deposit program...
and I am concerned.
That's good from you You don't need to worry about us...
Not you I'm worried about These are your kids looking after...
- Wait a minute. We are parents. That's a start - any breast can be done by parents...
If you want to mess with your own child, is your right.
But when it comes to other people's children, there is a higher standard for answering.
Mr Kubitz seems to think that we meet the standard. Show him thing.
That piece of paper isn't impressed.
We get it laminated.
You two are some fly-by-night operations want to make money fast.
You're just afraid of competition . Let's go.
Competition? Don't flatter yourself.
Daddy Day Care will never be in the same league as this institution.
Laminated!
It's not as satisfying as I thought.
I think we can take it. What we need is some garlic and a piece of wood.
Do you know what he said was true?
Children need more than watching Tomorrow we will take it to make a notch...
We must start stimulating their minds.
- But I'm not father -. You don't have to be a father.
You're a humanoid type . That fits the philosophy of the place.
I don't know, guys. I mean, I think I like hanging out with kids.
This is kind of cool.
But I don't think child care is necessarily...
a way that I feel professional I'm heading in the direction.
- That's what I said - Sorry...
Yes, let's go in!
- How are you - Hey, guys.
I'm sorry I forgot to write a check this week...
Since the divorce, my head has just been like...
- Are you a new father - I'm your father?
I'm not your father.
Well, I'm your baby's father. I am not...
I'm not a baby father . I will be...
You're Marvin.
Well, nice to meet you, Marvin. I am Kelli.
Dylan's mother.
- I have to go. thanks.
- All right. Bye, guys - Have a good one...
- Thank you - Bye...
I'm in. Do you have a dental plan?
Alright.
Your first task is to show us how you handle children as you do.
Teach us.
If this is a business, and they are customers...
how do you know what they want?
- I gather focus groups -. Okay, let's do it.
We want you to tell us what you want to get out of Daddy Day Care.
Help us to help you.
Who wants to start?
We need to learn more about things.
- learn more about things - Yes ?.
We are at a very critical age.
- You have to feed our minds - Alright... You want to write down?
"Feed our minds."
Large. Okay, what else?
Dolphins. Dolphins are good.
- dolphins are fish - No, they are not...
- They live in water -. That does not mean they are fish.
Relax and talk about something else What else do you want to talk about?
where does the baby come from?
Let's go back to the topic of dolphin dolphins and discuss...
or if there is something else in someone's mind we can talk about...
- other than that -. Write down.
- Okay, what's more - Can we...
What are you going to say, Ben?
I can see you will say something What's up, kid?
Options...
- picture - other images?
Yeah! Like pictures, and so on. This is really fun.
- Okay, yes, good. Image again - Yeah.
- More chasing bad people - Good idea...
We can pursue the Joker.
Now, wait a second, friend . That's a bad guy Batman.
You're Flash, so you want to pursue...
- Lex Luthor - That number is Superman ?.
You want to catch Boomerang Captain, Gorilla Grodd, Flash Lookup.
The Riddler?
What have you done for these children?
From tomorrow, Phil will be hosting a Three Stooges film festival in the TV room.
I know everyone is looking forward for that, right?
Thanks, Dad!
Last but not least, Sucker Thumb Support Group will have a meeting...
under the tree after nap time...
which starts right after you finish your snack.
So after you're done, take the blanket, get a place, and we have it.
Also, next week will be Alpha Girl Group.
And we will have Tai Chi under the tree.
And we will also have a pet day, so you bring your pet in.
We have to show pets and say.
This is my rabbit. His name is Tiny.
I feed him a lot. Five times a day.
He defecated a lot, too. Six times a day.
It's like little marbles.
This is my turtle, Sparks.
He is fast. He is the fastest turtle in the world.
Leave! Go on, Sparks!
This is my parrot, Paulie I taught him to speak... Talk.
Shut up, Butthead.
Okay, Becca, where is your pet?
I have a tarantula, but I don't know where he is.
Okay, okay, don't panic.
What do you mean, don't panic ? There are big spiders here.
I got a spider in my head!
- So what we bet today is - I'll do a diaper stroke, okay?
Alright.
Well, if it's not the genius that brings the world of Veggie-Os.
- So, how is unemployment - Actually, I have the best job I've ever had.
Yes, this is start-up.
We offer professional time management facilitation for most work.
That's a difficult market . That sounds pretty cruel.
- Yes. This is a real blood sport. What is the money?
Bruce! Let's go, I'm Botox.
Hi, Charlie. Hi, Phil.
- Hey, Crispin - What's up, little man.
How do you know my child?
They're the days of care gurus, What do you think?
Day to care? What is that?
Oh, God You are wiping boogers to make a living...
Losers.
You pay us to do it too, you know.
Losers.
"Do you like green eggs and ham? " I don't like them, Sam-l-Am . I don't like green eggs and ham.
"Do you want to eat here or there? " I don't want to eat them anywhere I don't like green eggs and ham...
"I don't like them, Sam-l-Am." Okay?
Now look, he will blow Sam-Am, but he steps away.
You don't hit, see . He walked away with it?
Where are you?
Mommy has to work today.
Remember when you used it worked all times?
Yes, back when I had a real job.
Have you lost your job?
I think. I think so. I missed it.
But don't get me wrong. It's not like I don't like to hang out with you.
It's just that Dad used to be big shot down at work.
I have my own office and scenery, which is quite large Remember that big, Daddy has enough views?
I like it when you spin around me in the cold chair.
Yeah, that's a cool chair.
Lots of cool things about work that is Best... chair.
I have people working under me...
and, only between you and me, the pay is not so bad.
- Input that is down. What do you think about that - What is that ??
What do you mean This is a dog in the sun?
- It doesn't look like one - That's because it's abstract...
You have to squint when you see it.
And when you see it like this, is abstract.
Yes? You see it?
What if you tilt your head to the side?
- No, vice versa - Still doesn't look like one...
Okay, well, are you there working, Michelangelo?
What is that?
There is not abstract about that now, is not it?
Thank you.
That's pretty good.
You have a head Daddy kind of looking for a round, though.
Is my head that round?
- But I have your mustache - Yeah, I see... A nice green mustache.
That's all children, right.
I only pay the mortgage, car loans and electricity bills.
Look at the balance in the checking account.
- 74 cents - Yeah... Right, 74 cents.
- You are Superman - You are right...
I have worked hard, and I think it's time to let go of my little frustration.
It's time for you to take care of you Superman.
- My Superman. Come here, baby - Right...
No! That monster will get me!
This might be a nightmare.
- Coming back soon - Okay, hurry up... Mother is coming!
No, I want Daddy.
- Does everything go okay - Yes, everything is fine?
What is that face?
Since when does he want you is better than he likes me?
No, not even travel. This is not like that.
I just spent more time with him, so he wants me.
He is far more confident.
Remember how he wasn't going to play with other people at first?
Now, he even plays with the kid, Crispin.
Crispin happens to say "thank you" during lunch today without being told.
And the girl Becca is small, she can read She's just a baby...
I saw him take a "Curious George" book, sit and read like an adult.
What is that face?
I don't see you being excited about something for a long time.
Yes, I will not be ahead.
They have a little crumb snail under my skin.
Mrs. Plager, I can't continue to expose other children...
such a dangerous, self-destructive behavior is very addictive.
So it's good for Juliette to stop sucking her thumb...
or you just have to find yourself another preschooler.
Are you busy?
Just trimming some weeds from the garden . What is that?
Okay, I just think you should know...
we have lost three students.
Do you really recommend You don't know where they are?
No, ma'am.
- I know where they are - So am I.
Daddy Day Care.
First, it's really fun.
Then it's annoying.
Now that really starts ticking me.
Get me a copy of "Child Care Day Regulations".
Phil, get the door.
Get the door!
Okay, I got it.
Mr. Kubitz. What are you doing here?
- Is this a bad time - No, this is the right time.
Are people home at home?
"Home man."
Charlie! Mr Kubitz here Child Services!
I'll be there soon.
So, I ask. Where are the children?
outside. Marvin who gave them puppet show.
Nice. What is in this program? "Pinocchio" "Little Red Riding a Hood" ??
No, "Wrath from Khan".
- Mr. Kubitz. Hi - Hi !.
- Wait! What are you doing - What?
- What's wrong with your face - My face?
What are all things, man? Come on What's wrong with you?
Becca and Jamie.
If you excuse me, I have to see two little girls...
because now I'm big.
He's having fun with... Mr. Kubitz, so what brings you here today?
- I have received another complaint... - I think we know who came.
I understand that you have acquired three children since my last visit.
Yes. We are 14 at all now.
This is still three adults, so we are still in a 5: 1 ratio.
Right. But you see, is a completely different problem now.
Charlie, can I talk to you for a minute?
Mr. Kubitz, forgive me the second . I'll go deal with this.
- Are cookies - Sure... Thank you.
What happened?
- What's wrong - Flash is missing?
- What do you mean, leave? Where is it - I can't find it?
- You see everywhere? In the garage - Everywhere?
What do we do?
- Are there some types of problems here - Not at all, Mr. Kubitz ?.
We only have small conversations about...
- Okay, because if it's... - No problem at all. Why don't you...
Children! Why don't you meet our good friend, Mr Kubitz.
- Say hi - Hi, Mr. Kubitz ..
Hi, guys.
it won't be better if Mr. Kubitz plays with you...
while we have an important conversation?
- Will you be so kind - Is that a good idea ??
We have adult conversations children don't have to know secrets.
- So it's only a second. Please - Sure... That's different.
- I'll check the backyard - I'm going upstairs...
I'll check the basement.
Do we have a basement?
We have to do laundry. God!
Oh, God! They yawn at him!
He can't have far. I'll call the police.
- I will call his parents -. Lf I'm Betazoid, I can feel him.
- This child - I don't know. What is your name?
Tony.
- Flash name is Tony -. Actually, the name Flash is Wally Barat...
- Why don't you wear a Flash suit - I don't want to turn on again?
- You don't? Who do you want to be - Tony?
- Listen to that? He wants to be Tony - He wants to be Tony...
That's good. You want to be Tony . Nice.
Tony, has a cookie. Have a fresh one.
What are you talking about? I love you I'm just not in love with you ..
What are you talking about? I love you I'm just not in love with you...
Fifteen months of therapy, is the best you can do?
That's the dumbest line I've ever heard.
My mother is right about you.
Wait.
For what? You think this will change You think I will change ??
Do you think this is what I have in mind?
Being a 55-year-old man, living with his mother?
Do you think that's my idea of a good time?
I like passive-aggressive losers.
According to state regulations, child care centers in family homes...
limited to 12 children.
- We have a lot of space here for children - I don't make rules, I apply it...
You cannot have more than 12 children in the type of location.
So if we want to stay in business, we have to fire two children.
Unless you want to move to permanent facilities in another place, then yes.
So, who do we cut loose?
What about Becca and Jamie?
I can't do it.
We have to do something.
Why don't we get more space?
"Space The Final Frontier .."
I'm serious. Blasphemous women say we are not real . Let's be real.
Let's get more space, more kids, employ more people...
and giving this woman money.
- Large. Let's get a new room -. Yes, Final Frontier!
If you don't stop with "Star Trek", I will push you in a bush sticker. Stop!
No! I say that there is space available ". The Final Frontier" called
This used to be my home away from home.
Jerry, the person who owns this place, has the main collection of memorabilia.
Do you know what he has? Tricorder.
That Ensign Riley wore on "The Doomsday Machine".
Yes. I've never seen an episode.
I'm with him, not watching too.
Needs a lot of work.
That just means we can fix it how we want to improve it.
But we will need money to do that.
To make money, you have to spend money.
To spend money, you must have money.
"Rock for Father's Day Care. " Help us finance our new permanent home. "
Do you know what this means?
This is an opportunity to improve ourselves through a little healthy competition?
No, you stupid bubbleheaded This is a death sentence...
If they get their hands in a large enough space, they will destroy me.
They sell fun. I can't compete with fun.
I should have destroyed them early when they were weak.
This will be more difficult now, but I have no choice . I have to stop them.
How will you do it?
In any way needed.
Yes, ride a pony.
Pet goat.
Get the T-shirt made. Something to eat.
Enjoy music!
- They display "Run Logan", Friday... - Friday night at 8:00.
If you're not busy Friday night...
- maybe you want... - Yes, sure.
Large.
So we are talking, like, only dinner, shower, bed?
- Work - What ??
You want me to sit so you can go to the movies, right?
Marvin, I want you to go with me.
OK.
- OK. Great - Alright... Here is your thing.
Thank you very much. Okay. This is it.
I don't think we should do this.
Jennifer, my love, there are winners and losers.
And if you want to be a winner, sometimes you have to play dirty.
I will show you. I will paint face first And then you paint yourself...
See? Put a little paint . And I will only...
What's wrong?
That's not painting! This is glue!
Can I have more from a delicious potato salad?
Have you tried that? Right. This is very good.
- What's the matter - Look?
And they go all except for pie.
Okay, but don't panic . We will only sell people's cakes, that's all.
Wow. Goats really love cakes.
Leave them for two hours.
You got it.
Everyone just takes a deep breath and let's go back for fun.
OK?
- How do we do it - We haven't even put a dent in it?
- Hello - Charlie, Jim Fields?
How will your vacation be ? No, I just pulled your leg.
Listen, friend, are you still looking for work?
I have a job for you, unless you have other offers.
No, that's really interesting.
But I have something happening now.
Before you say no, let me fax you through the proposal.
You can look at the numbers, You think about things...
then you go back to me.
- Yes - Okay .. Great.
Your greetings to his wife and daughter... Son.
Let me guess. You can't get child services to return...
so you do an inspection.
I'm sorry. I don't want to be crafty.
However, rule rules.
- Can I enter? I've a proposition for you. Yes, please do it.
Can I get some coffee or tea or water...
- or lizard eyes, maybe - Water will be beautiful.
- Thank you - Water... That's easy.
You don't mind tap water, do you We get out of bottled water?
So, Miss woman is blasted, why are you here?
You look smart, talented, very ambitious.
What do you do run a day care center?
Maybe I enjoy running a day care center.
Obviously. But is this really how you want to spend the rest of your life?
As an entrepreneur, You will have money, power, respect.
Are you going to throw away that all babysitting a group of 3-year-olds?
I said I would listen to your proposition I'm all ears, and I got something else to do...
- So, if you will be so kind... - Alright. Here it is:
If Daddy Day Care has to close, for whatever reason...
I will take all your children for the price you set.
Topflight education at rock bottom prices.
Think about this.
Now wait a minute.
You're blowing us from for Cotton Cotton Balls?
No, Cotton Puffs Candy . Apparently everything is my idea.
They will double my salary and let me run the division.
So, yes, I took myself back.
Please, if that's important to you. I mean...
Phil and I can We will only find other people... Right?
I will too.
This is worse than Spock when Kirk betrayed...
- on "Star Trek V" -. This is not like that.
Come back with us. Not in the letters section, but to be part of our team.
I don't want to be on the team I want to be in this team...
We think a lot about this, man This is a great opportunity...
No, this is a great opportunity here.
This business is one that has limits And we have reached them, okay.
Me and Phil, we have a responsibility to think about.
- We have futures to consider -. How about now? How about children?
These kids are fine before Daddy Day Care.
- They will be fine when it's finished. You say to yourself, Charlie.
I finally found a place where I adjusted...
where I feel like I'm doing something good, and you are just...
You only spoil everything.
It can't go worse.
If you think that goes bad, waits until we tell the kids.
Can I go to work with you?
No, you can't go to work with me, but you can come visit me at work.
And Dad will go home at night and on weekends.
- We will still have fun together -. Will Phil and Marvin still be here?
No, I'm sorry, little man . They won't be around anymore.
This is only for a while, right?
Then you will return and do Daddy Day Care again.
No, this is from now.
Daddy Day Care, we don't do that anymore, Ben.
Let me explain to you like this:
If Daddy does this, I can get money for us.
And I can use the money to take care of the house and buy food...
and clothes and toys for you to play with.
I will sell all my toys.
Why do you want to sell all your toys?
If I don't have toys, we don't need money, and you can stay with me.
I hope it's simple, Ben.
The development department will have the first sample ready next week.
Okay, let's kick around.
What do you think about when you think of cotton candy?
- Clown - Chocolate ..
Cavity.
I've visited the other side and I've seen it firsthand.
When children eat these foods, they crash down so hard they need air bags.
Do you know what the ingredients are for balls?
- Puffs -. They "blow." Forgive me.
Do you know what's here ? Red number four dye and sugar.
Do you know what? Charlie is right You can't ignore reality...
Parents will not want to buy this product for their children.
No, unless the children trample and shout...
and bang their little heads on the floor until blood comes out of their ears.
Charlie, do you have the numbers that I gave you?
Yeah, I have them here . Give me one second to...
We have an independent marketing company doing some preliminary research...
to sort out the core values of this product.
The subjects tested, are 2-6...
which year is the key brand...
- Charlie, you want to join us - Sorry about that, Jim? Yeah.
Why don't you tell everyone what is the core value?
What is the most important thing?
My child.
My child, Jim, is the most important thing.
And I think I made a big mistake.
And so, I stopped.
What did you do to me? You scared me.
- How about a marketing meeting - I stopped?
- What - I stopped.
- You stopped - I stopped and I felt great?
- You have to stop with me - I have to stop?
- You have to stop now - We only got here...
Do you want to feel how I feel ? Quit. Come on
- Quit - Get out with me!
You will not sell carrot suits, no? Children love it.
this thing...
not for sale!
A literal reader of text might say...
the Goldilocks eats "porridge"...
because he is "hungry."
But what would Freud say?
Language skills are an important component of children's development.
They are part of the core curriculum here at Chapman.
If you follow me this way.
On the path of life, the right first step is very important.
With the guidance of our company, your children...
will take steps here at Chapman.
Our philosophy is that child is like a climbing vine.
With structures to stick to, and gardeners the right to tend to them...
- they will grow to the sky - That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard ..
We don't talk about plants, we're talking about children.
I know you don't want this woman trimming and cutting and weeding you 3-year-olds.
Some people feel uncomfortable with achievement.
No, what I'm not comfortable with is treating children like that adults.
If your children come here, they will be sad in four different languages.
Five. We start Portuguese in the fall.
how many languages do you listen to them on?
Have you ever stopped trying to push knowledge into their throats and just talk to them?
Listen to what they want.
They are children, they do not know what they want.
Yes, they know what they want All of them... And they are all different.
We take some time, talk to children, must know them a little.
- it makes a difference. This helps them. Please. Share your success.
Why don't you tell these people exactly how do you help their children?
Max here is a trained toilet now, okay?
- I did not miss - Right ..
- Dan Becca learns to read -. Yes, I do it.
And Crispin is the most polite child You ever wanted to meet.
- Thank you, Charlie - You are welcome, Crispin...
And I make friends.
Right, little man, You made a few friends.
At this time Daily Care Daddy is back in business.
- Don't be stupid. You won't make nickel - We might not be rich, but we can handle it...
Excuse me. Everything is correct.
How is it?
Every breast can run a child care center : It takes a family to improve some children...
- We will be family from now on -. Family? What a ridiculous concept!
We will just laugh our way to the road.
- Have a nice day - Bye, Miss woman is blasted...
Come on! Let's go!
Get it there! Come on! Let's go!
Come on! Lift!
- Everyone's hands are holding, right ? - Right.
Let's go.
"Daddy Day Care."
Jennifer, how come?
This is a really great place to work . You have to register there...
or not.
- Have a nice day, Miss woman blasted - That's good...
Stop!
Help!
Help! Stuck!
Alright, I'm coming What happened here?
Help!
I'm stuck!
Loser.
Little man.
I would say this is not a bad tradeoff.
Yes, Father.
And, action.
We can spend... you know, we can't spend money without having it.
Wait one second.
What, are you being emitted?
- This is Captain Kirk - Here it is!
Action.
- What did you do to me - Pudding in my hand?
Okay, wait a minute.
- I won't push you on a bush sticker - You can't push me...
No, I will use a shovel on you.
Busy.
Some other children around here hang out with you. How is that sound?
- Look, you will have to work on it - "Mazel tov"...
Remember when you broke me yo-yo?
- I broke up... - And you never gave me a new one.
That's why you sent me to bed.
You have written.
No, I can't even write my letter.
What happened here?
You killed me. You really killed me.
This frying pan is made in the City of Brotherly Love.
- That's a good thing - Okay, Eddie...
They give you a little too much direction, right?
Okay, stop before you urinate on yourself.
- What is my line ? - "I'll sell all my toys."
I will sell all my toys.
I will say my other line again, because I messed it up. I said, "You..."
- Action - Okay, thank you !.
- Just leave it for a moment. There is - Thank you...
That's why I know we haven't been to the moon.
Miss said a blasted woman prepared me for my future.
- You're hungry - Yeah ?.
- What do you want to eat - A peanut butter and jelly sandwich?
Peanut butter and gelatin sandwich.
- I don't know. After this scene.
If I give you...
What's funny?