1
00:00:14,481 --> 00:00:17,507
Yeah, Cheech and Chong!

2
00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:31,656
Cheech and Chong!

3
00:00:44,911 --> 00:00:47,004
Cheech and Chong, yeah!

4
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:52,511
Welcome to QTV,

5
00:00:52,619 --> 00:00:55,417
I'm your correspondent Doug,
and this is my partner Dougie.

6
00:00:55,522 --> 00:00:56,454
Hello.

7
00:00:56,556 --> 00:00:58,080
How did you get these seats, dude?

8
00:00:58,191 --> 00:01:00,921
Oh, my cousin gave them to me.

9
00:01:01,027 --> 00:01:03,052
Yeah, after I put a knife up to his throat.

10
00:01:04,364 --> 00:01:08,027
And we're here to critique the costumes
of the Cheech and Chong show.

11
00:01:08,135 --> 00:01:09,659
I like these guys, man.

12
00:01:09,770 --> 00:01:11,237
Yeah, they're funny.

13
00:01:11,338 --> 00:01:13,636
Got all their records.

14
00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:15,799
I stole all their 8-tracks.

15
00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:17,809
All right, all you knuckleheads
in the back drinking,

16
00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:19,674
get your asses back here
and in your seats

17
00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:21,270
so we can get this show going.

18
00:01:27,654 --> 00:01:29,952
Ladies and gentlemen,
your featured act this evening

19
00:01:30,056 --> 00:01:32,547
has appeared on Howard Stern
and Comedy Central.

20
00:01:32,659 --> 00:01:35,253
She's also appeared in
three Cheech and Chong movies.

21
00:01:35,362 --> 00:01:37,159
She's Tommy Chong's favorite co-star.

22
00:01:37,264 --> 00:01:42,497
Please welcome the very funny
and very sexy Shelby Chong.

23
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:52,203
Oh, hola.

24
00:01:52,312 --> 00:01:55,213
Let's hear it for San Antonio.

25
00:01:55,315 --> 00:01:57,374
A little skinny for me,
but that bitch is hot.

26
00:01:57,484 --> 00:01:58,712
Yeah.

27
00:01:58,819 --> 00:02:01,219
Did everybody get high
to come see Cheech and Chong?

28
00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:04,920
I had a little shitzu like that.

29
00:02:05,025 --> 00:02:07,050
- You're serious.
- Mmm.

30
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:09,253
Did you guys get high
at home or in the car?

31
00:02:13,533 --> 00:02:15,728
Don't you love pot?

32
00:02:17,737 --> 00:02:20,001
Isn't it the best thing in the whole world?

33
00:02:22,542 --> 00:02:24,840
I love pot!

34
00:02:24,945 --> 00:02:27,539
It makes everything better.

35
00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:31,275
Food tastes better.

36
00:02:33,553 --> 00:02:37,250
Tommy thinks I'm a fabulous cook.

37
00:02:37,357 --> 00:02:40,724
Sex is better.

38
00:02:42,963 --> 00:02:44,988
Hey, this is cool out here, man.

39
00:02:45,098 --> 00:02:47,430
Hey, all right.

40
00:02:47,534 --> 00:02:50,094
Yeah, this is nice.

41
00:02:50,203 --> 00:02:51,670
Fucking cold, man.

42
00:02:51,771 --> 00:02:54,171
Do you guys know what
smoking pot is good for?

43
00:02:54,274 --> 00:02:57,004
Everything!

44
00:02:57,110 --> 00:02:59,203
Well, it's good
for when you're PMSing.

45
00:02:59,312 --> 00:03:03,942
When I'm PMSing,
Tommy smokes a ton of pot.

46
00:03:04,050 --> 00:03:05,142
Hey, well, light it up, man.

47
00:03:05,252 --> 00:03:06,150
Light what up?

48
00:03:06,253 --> 00:03:08,278
The joint, come on.

49
00:03:08,388 --> 00:03:09,286
I don't have a joint.

50
00:03:09,389 --> 00:03:10,287
What?

51
00:03:10,390 --> 00:03:11,482
You invited me out here, man.

52
00:03:11,591 --> 00:03:13,218
But I don't--

53
00:03:13,326 --> 00:03:15,021
Stupid.

54
00:03:15,128 --> 00:03:16,026
Hey, Shelby's kicking ass.

55
00:03:16,129 --> 00:03:17,118
Yeah, she's doing good.

56
00:03:17,230 --> 00:03:18,925
And when we first met Cheech,

57
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:21,432
we didn't even know
what a Mexican was then.

58
00:03:21,534 --> 00:03:24,594
And then Tommy figured it out.

59
00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:29,471
He said, "Shelby, it's like
an Indian without a casino."

60
00:03:29,576 --> 00:03:31,635
I got a roach. Ha ha! I have a roach.

61
00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:33,679
Hey, the roach will do.

62
00:03:33,780 --> 00:03:34,872
Oh, shit, it's starting to rain.

63
00:03:34,981 --> 00:03:35,879
Here.

64
00:03:35,982 --> 00:03:37,176
Here, put this on your head.

65
00:03:37,284 --> 00:03:40,219
It'll keep you dry-- hat dry for the show.

66
00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:42,413
Oh, okay.

67
00:03:42,522 --> 00:03:43,420
What a good idea.

68
00:03:43,523 --> 00:03:44,421
All right, light it up.

69
00:03:44,524 --> 00:03:47,857
- I don't have a match.
- What?

70
00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:50,452
I got no--

71
00:03:50,563 --> 00:03:52,258
Fuck, it's cold.
We got to go. Come on.

72
00:03:52,365 --> 00:03:57,200
We don't have time. Let's go.

73
00:03:57,304 --> 00:04:02,765
Fuck Bush for putting Tommy Chong
in jail for selling a bong.

74
00:04:02,876 --> 00:04:05,470
- Yeah.

75
00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:07,136
I'm so glad we're rid of him.

76
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,145
There's no door handle.

77
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:09,146
What? Well, open it.

78
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:11,342
It's not opening.

79
00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:16,048
Hey, hello.

80
00:04:16,156 --> 00:04:18,647
And I woke up.
My head was banging.

81
00:04:18,758 --> 00:04:21,158
Then I realized it was someone
banging at the door.

82
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:22,421
Hey!

83
00:04:22,529 --> 00:04:23,689
I can't hear when
you're fucking banging.

84
00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:24,786
Hold on.

85
00:04:24,898 --> 00:04:27,366
And there's, like,
ten cops standing there.

86
00:04:27,467 --> 00:04:29,162
They got their rifles out
and their helmets on.

87
00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:31,669
They're, like, banging,
banging at the door.

88
00:04:31,771 --> 00:04:34,171
Finally, Tommy opened up
the door and goes,

89
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:37,266
"Hey, man, Dave's not here."

90
00:04:37,377 --> 00:04:38,867
We got to go. We got to go.

91
00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:40,810
- There's a thing.
- Oh, that looks dangerous, man.

92
00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:41,812
Well, you go first.

93
00:04:41,915 --> 00:04:43,075
Why me?

94
00:04:43,183 --> 00:04:44,480
Because you go on first. Come on.

95
00:04:44,584 --> 00:04:45,482
Let's go.

96
00:04:45,585 --> 00:04:46,950
Well, how-- how do you do this?

97
00:04:47,053 --> 00:04:49,817
It's weighted.
You just got to go to the end.

98
00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:52,756
Hey, any you guys seen
my guys around anywhere?

99
00:04:54,761 --> 00:04:56,023
Oh, shit.

100
00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:57,926
I'm getting close here, you know?

101
00:04:58,031 --> 00:05:01,228
And I really am getting
a little bit nervous.

102
00:05:01,334 --> 00:05:02,266
Shit.

103
00:05:02,369 --> 00:05:03,666
Come on, we got to go, man.

104
00:05:03,770 --> 00:05:06,000
Shelby must be off by now.

105
00:05:06,106 --> 00:05:09,075
If you guys are gonna start
a glass business or a bong business,

106
00:05:09,175 --> 00:05:11,666
don't put your face on the bong.

107
00:05:14,547 --> 00:05:15,445
That doesn't look stable at all.

108
00:05:15,548 --> 00:05:17,448
Wait, whoa.

109
00:05:17,550 --> 00:05:18,847
And then the cop comes up and goes,

110
00:05:18,952 --> 00:05:21,887
"Mr. Chong, have you got
any marijuana in here?"

111
00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:25,549
"Of course I do. I'm Tommy Chong."

112
00:05:28,628 --> 00:05:32,394
And the judge sentenced Tommy
to nine months in jail.

113
00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:33,659
See you, sucker.

114
00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:34,893
I'm sitting there thinking,

115
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:38,801
"Wow, I fucked up.
I should've married Cheech."

116
00:05:38,905 --> 00:05:42,397
But thank God for conjugal visits.

117
00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:45,478
If Cheech didn't visit me once a week--

118
00:05:45,578 --> 00:05:47,170
Fuck off, man. Don't piss around.

119
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:51,011
I wouldn't have fucked anybody.

120
00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:54,876
Hey, hello.

121
00:05:54,988 --> 00:05:56,649
Jesus Christ.

122
00:05:56,756 --> 00:05:58,246
Fuck! God damn it.

123
00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:01,657
Thank you very much.
That's my time.

124
00:06:01,761 --> 00:06:04,093
Now for the stars of the show.

125
00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:06,427
Through those doors.

126
00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:09,934
The Maharishi of Marijuana!

127
00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:11,765
- Excuse me.
- Hey, back up.

128
00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:13,202
Hold on. Hold on.

129
00:06:13,306 --> 00:06:14,898
We're Cheech and Chong.

130
00:06:15,008 --> 00:06:16,339
Join the other Cheech and Chongs.

131
00:06:16,443 --> 00:06:17,603
Get in the back of the line.

132
00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:19,678
We're Cheech and Chong.
This is Cheech.

133
00:06:21,181 --> 00:06:23,115
The Pope of dope.

134
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:25,480
Why don't you get in line
like everybody else?

135
00:06:25,585 --> 00:06:28,076
Cheech and Chong!

136
00:06:28,188 --> 00:06:29,553
Shit.

137
00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:33,181
Hey, guys. Come on, man.

138
00:06:33,293 --> 00:06:35,227
She's about to go off.

139
00:06:35,328 --> 00:06:37,228
- What are you doing, man?
- How come the doors are locked?

140
00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:38,797
Tommy is right in back of me.

141
00:07:01,287 --> 00:07:02,982
Which one is that, Ching or Chang?

142
00:07:06,226 --> 00:07:07,921
He gained a little bit of weight, didn't he?

143
00:07:08,027 --> 00:07:09,392
A little weight, yes, he did.

144
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,092
He's giving those suspenders a workout.

145
00:07:23,576 --> 00:07:25,806
You're Tommy?
Can I have your autograph?

146
00:07:25,912 --> 00:07:27,880
Chinga, chinga, chinga, chinga,

147
00:07:27,981 --> 00:07:29,346
chinga, chinga, chinga, chinga.

148
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,644
Chinga, chinga, chinga--

149
00:07:31,751 --> 00:07:35,209
Cabrón, cabrón, cabrón, cabrón.

150
00:07:35,321 --> 00:07:37,516
Puta, puta, puta, puta, puta, puta.

151
00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:41,253
Hey, I'm just a love machine

152
00:07:41,361 --> 00:07:43,556
And I don't work
for nobody but you

153
00:07:43,663 --> 00:07:45,824
Ooo, hey.

154
00:07:45,932 --> 00:07:49,732
San Anton', baby, what's up, huh?

155
00:07:49,836 --> 00:07:51,531
Hey, mami, want a ride?

156
00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:53,571
Come on over.

157
00:07:53,673 --> 00:07:55,698
I'll clear a place for you to sit down.

158
00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:56,968
Yeah, right there, honey.

159
00:08:01,347 --> 00:08:02,780
Fuck you, stuck-up bitch.

160
00:08:02,882 --> 00:08:04,213
Man, shit.

161
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:07,377
I'm just a love machine

162
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:08,579
And I don't work

163
00:08:08,688 --> 00:08:10,918
Ooh, look at that kid's hitchhiking.

164
00:08:11,024 --> 00:08:11,922
Hey, hey, baby.

165
00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:13,720
You, come on, you want a ride?

166
00:08:13,826 --> 00:08:15,316
Yeah, bend over.
I'll drive you home, honey.

167
00:08:16,529 --> 00:08:17,894
And pick him up. Pick him up.

168
00:08:19,899 --> 00:08:21,161
Oh, here comes the other one.

169
00:08:22,535 --> 00:08:24,093
This is his grandfather, I think.

170
00:08:42,589 --> 00:08:45,456
Hey, you ain't a chick, man.

171
00:08:45,558 --> 00:08:47,753
Yeah, I know, man.

172
00:08:47,860 --> 00:08:50,761
Hey, it's the only way
I can get a ride, man.

173
00:08:50,863 --> 00:08:54,424
I've been hitchhiking
out there for hours, man.

174
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,468
I almost froze my balls off.

175
00:08:56,569 --> 00:08:59,766
I didn't think you had any.
That's why I stopped, man.

176
00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:01,237
Shit.

177
00:09:01,341 --> 00:09:03,707
Wow, I like your car, man.

178
00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:05,869
Oh, you do?

179
00:09:05,979 --> 00:09:07,412
Are these dingle balls?

180
00:09:07,513 --> 00:09:10,778
Yeah, yeah, old school, dude.

181
00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:14,512
I got them at oldschool.com.

182
00:09:14,621 --> 00:09:16,612
And what's on the headliner, man?

183
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:19,157
That's shag carpet, man.

184
00:09:19,259 --> 00:09:20,749
Yeah.

185
00:09:20,860 --> 00:09:23,886
Yeah, I got the last 2 yards
of pink shag they had, man.

186
00:09:23,997 --> 00:09:25,658
It's just I put it everywhere, dude.

187
00:09:25,765 --> 00:09:29,633
I put it on the headliner,
on the dashboard, on the floor, man.

188
00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:31,226
I even put it in the ashtrays, man.

189
00:09:32,605 --> 00:09:34,368
It's like being inside a giant pussy.

190
00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:41,603
Yeah, I never thought
of it like that, man.

191
00:09:41,714 --> 00:09:43,579
God damn, I feel like
a tampon now, man.

192
00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:48,118
Uptight and out of sight.

193
00:09:50,056 --> 00:09:51,250
You know what's weird?

194
00:09:51,357 --> 00:09:52,255
What?

195
00:09:52,358 --> 00:09:53,552
You look like a tampon, man.

196
00:09:53,660 --> 00:09:55,059
Do l? Oh.

197
00:09:55,161 --> 00:09:58,392
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

198
00:09:58,498 --> 00:09:59,590
And you know what's really cool?

199
00:09:59,699 --> 00:10:02,793
This car smells like a pussy, man.

200
00:10:02,902 --> 00:10:05,200
Yeah, expensive, man.

201
00:10:06,639 --> 00:10:08,072
No, fishy.

202
00:10:08,174 --> 00:10:09,801
Oh, no, no, that's me.

203
00:10:09,909 --> 00:10:11,001
I work at Red Lobster, man.

204
00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:12,304
Oh.

205
00:10:12,412 --> 00:10:15,210
Hey, what do you got
under the hood, man?

206
00:10:15,315 --> 00:10:16,247
Anything special?

207
00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:17,907
Oh, you want to find out, man?

208
00:10:18,017 --> 00:10:19,143
Here we go.

209
00:10:38,004 --> 00:10:39,699
Hey, how far you going, man?

210
00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:42,502
The end of the block is fine, man.

211
00:10:42,709 --> 00:10:46,167
Here we are at the live
Cheech and Chong Light Up America Show.

212
00:10:46,279 --> 00:10:49,214
And look who we have here.
Sister Mary Elephant.

213
00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:52,409
Hey, ese, you ain't afraid
of a little speed are you, man?

214
00:10:52,518 --> 00:10:54,782
You got speed, man?

215
00:10:54,887 --> 00:10:57,583
Oh, no, you know what?
I had a bunch of speed last night, man.

216
00:10:57,690 --> 00:10:59,055
But I had to take it

217
00:10:59,158 --> 00:11:01,922
because I had to cram for my urine test
this morning, man.

218
00:11:02,028 --> 00:11:04,394
Hey, but you know what I do got, man?

219
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:07,125
I got a joint, man.

220
00:11:09,035 --> 00:11:13,301
I taught Cheech in grade school
from grade 1 to 8.

221
00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:14,338
I can't believe it.

222
00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:15,805
And what kind of a student was he?

223
00:11:15,908 --> 00:11:19,639
Well, he was very squirrelly
until we got him on those pills,

224
00:11:19,746 --> 00:11:21,077
and then he calmed down quite a bit.

225
00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:25,947
Come on, light it up
and let's get Chinese eyes, man.

226
00:11:26,052 --> 00:11:28,520
Looks like a toothpick, man.

227
00:11:28,621 --> 00:11:30,111
No, no, it's just rolled real tight, man.

228
00:11:30,223 --> 00:11:31,121
Tight, tight.

229
00:11:31,224 --> 00:11:33,089
No, it's a toothpick.

230
00:11:33,192 --> 00:11:34,716
It's not a--

231
00:11:34,827 --> 00:11:37,660
Fuck, it's a toothpick.

232
00:11:37,764 --> 00:11:39,561
What do you think of marijuana?

233
00:11:39,665 --> 00:11:41,929
Oh, I didn't teach her.

234
00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:43,831
Must've got the wrong pocket, man.

235
00:11:43,936 --> 00:11:47,099
I got it over in
the secret stash over here.

236
00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:49,436
No, that's my dick.

237
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:51,009
Ouch.

238
00:11:51,110 --> 00:11:52,008
No, here, here.

239
00:11:52,111 --> 00:11:53,009
Here's the other one, man.

240
00:11:53,112 --> 00:11:55,706
Light that puppy up, man.

241
00:11:55,815 --> 00:11:58,010
Geez, I hope your dick's
bigger than this, man.

242
00:12:00,987 --> 00:12:03,080
You want to walk, man? Shit, fuck.

243
00:12:03,189 --> 00:12:04,486
You're here to see Cheech and Chong?

244
00:12:04,590 --> 00:12:06,558
Well, yes, because Dave's not here.

245
00:12:06,659 --> 00:12:07,785
I don't know what that means.

246
00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:08,792
Oh, my goodness.

247
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:09,793
But I have the T-shirt.

248
00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:10,794
Please, boys and girls.

249
00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:12,956
Please, could you bring it down?

250
00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:15,795
You know, I wouldn't
feel right smoking this little guy.

251
00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:16,800
What?

252
00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:17,801
Give it back, man.

253
00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:21,738
You keep it. I got a joint I've been
carrying around with me for a while.

254
00:12:21,841 --> 00:12:22,899
Oh, that's cool.

255
00:12:23,009 --> 00:12:26,308
Boys and girls. Boys and girls.

256
00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:28,141
Shut up!

257
00:12:37,223 --> 00:12:39,919
It looks like a number 3 burrito, man.

258
00:12:40,026 --> 00:12:42,790
All right, fuck, yeah, man. Shit, man.

259
00:12:44,263 --> 00:12:46,595
Yeah, man, this tastes--

260
00:12:46,699 --> 00:12:49,497
Fuck.

261
00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:51,968
Is he supposed to be smoking a joint?

262
00:12:52,071 --> 00:12:55,336
Uh, I don't know.
I can't see that far, man.

263
00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:58,035
Kind of grabs you
by the poo-poo, don't it?

264
00:12:59,979 --> 00:13:01,469
Hey, smoke a real one, man.

265
00:13:03,082 --> 00:13:04,515
Tastes weird, man.

266
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:07,108
Oh, that's the K-Y jelly, man.

267
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:08,414
What?

268
00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:11,149
Yeah, I got a friend in jail, man.

269
00:13:11,257 --> 00:13:14,818
And he wanted me to smuggle some dope
in for him, you know?

270
00:13:14,927 --> 00:13:18,454
So I smuggled it in,
but I forgot I had it, man.

271
00:13:20,733 --> 00:13:23,827
So I smuggled it back out, man.

272
00:13:23,936 --> 00:13:25,665
I thought that was
peanut butter on there, man.

273
00:13:25,771 --> 00:13:26,738
Fuck.

274
00:13:31,744 --> 00:13:33,041
Eh, fuck it.

275
00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:39,515
I kind of like the K-Y jelly

276
00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:42,679
because that way your lips
don't stick to the paper.

277
00:13:46,025 --> 00:13:49,290
But you only need a little bit, man,
because this shit will tear you up.

278
00:13:50,863 --> 00:13:55,926
God damn, man, I can't feel my lips.

279
00:13:56,035 --> 00:13:58,629
Oh, that's the Preparation H, man.

280
00:13:58,738 --> 00:14:02,401
Am I driving okay, man?

281
00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:05,477
I think we're parked, man.

282
00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:12,374
Am I parked okay?

283
00:14:12,485 --> 00:14:15,886
Well, we're stopped
in the middle of the road, man.

284
00:14:15,988 --> 00:14:18,582
Fuck, my heart is beating
really fast, man.

285
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:19,623
I can't breathe, man.

286
00:14:19,725 --> 00:14:20,657
Whoa, hey, hey.

287
00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:22,250
- Hold on, man.
- I'm gonna pass out, man.

288
00:14:22,361 --> 00:14:25,489
Here. I got something that'll
take the edge off, man.

289
00:14:25,598 --> 00:14:27,589
Here, just take
a couple of these, man.

290
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:28,598
Okay.

291
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:29,599
Oh, wait, hey.

292
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:32,136
Don't take those, man.

293
00:14:33,272 --> 00:14:34,398
What? What?

294
00:14:34,507 --> 00:14:39,467
Fuck, man.
I almost gave you the wrong shit.

295
00:14:39,579 --> 00:14:40,773
I already took them, man.

296
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,575
Oh!

297
00:14:42,682 --> 00:14:44,013
What?

298
00:14:44,116 --> 00:14:45,981
Oh, man.

299
00:14:46,085 --> 00:14:47,985
What was in that shit, man?

300
00:14:48,087 --> 00:14:50,078
You just ate all my acid, man.

301
00:14:50,189 --> 00:14:52,783
What?

302
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,757
There's at least 10,000 hits on that.

303
00:14:54,860 --> 00:14:56,225
What?

304
00:14:56,329 --> 00:14:58,695
I never had no acid before, man.

305
00:15:03,235 --> 00:15:06,568
I'm sorry. I don't mean to laugh, man.

306
00:15:06,672 --> 00:15:08,469
But I hope you're not busy for about a year.

307
00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:10,701
Oh, my head is going to explode, man.

308
00:15:10,810 --> 00:15:13,438
God damn, I see those guys
around my neighborhood had too many acids.

309
00:15:13,546 --> 00:15:15,036
No, no, no, man.

310
00:15:15,147 --> 00:15:16,045
Mellow out, man.

311
00:15:16,148 --> 00:15:17,445
Come on, ohm. Ohm with me.

312
00:15:17,550 --> 00:15:20,280
Ohm...

313
00:15:20,386 --> 00:15:22,786
- Ohm...
- Ohm...

314
00:15:27,126 --> 00:15:29,686
There. You mellow?

315
00:15:29,795 --> 00:15:32,229
Yeah.

316
00:15:32,331 --> 00:15:33,992
Feels good, don't it, man?

317
00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:35,328
Yeah.

318
00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:36,492
Blah!

319
00:15:42,808 --> 00:15:45,174
Hey, are farts supposed
to be lumpy, man?

320
00:15:49,215 --> 00:15:51,445
I'm on fucking acid, yeah.

321
00:15:51,550 --> 00:15:53,074
Fuck, man. Hey.

322
00:15:53,185 --> 00:15:56,518
The cops pulled up behind us.

323
00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:57,520
The cops are be--

324
00:15:57,623 --> 00:15:59,682
Just be cool. Be cool.

325
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:01,259
- Hey, we're on acid!
- Fuck, man.

326
00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:07,856
Haa!

327
00:16:11,570 --> 00:16:12,730
What?

328
00:16:12,838 --> 00:16:14,829
Where's my license?

329
00:16:14,940 --> 00:16:17,340
It's on the bumper back there.

330
00:16:19,578 --> 00:16:21,443
Oh, I got my drive--

331
00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:27,645
I thought of something really funny.

332
00:16:27,753 --> 00:16:28,651
Your mama.

333
00:16:31,290 --> 00:16:34,748
What? What's my name?

334
00:16:34,860 --> 00:16:37,021
Oh, fuck.

335
00:16:37,129 --> 00:16:39,461
Isn't it on there on the license, man?

336
00:16:39,565 --> 00:16:41,999
What's his? I don't know.

337
00:16:42,101 --> 00:16:43,966
I picked him up--
All right, all right.

338
00:16:44,070 --> 00:16:45,298
Fuck, dude. Chill.

339
00:16:45,404 --> 00:16:47,304
Hey, man, the dude wants
to know your name, man.

340
00:16:47,406 --> 00:16:48,304
Tell the dude your name.

341
00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:53,611
Uh, his name is Ralph, man.

342
00:16:53,779 --> 00:16:55,713
Go. Out.
Everybody out. Everybody out.

343
00:16:55,815 --> 00:16:57,578
- Stand by to restore.

344
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:02,612
Restore, go, in the center.
Get Tommy.

345
00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:05,282
There you go.
Both spots on Tommy. That's it.

346
00:17:05,391 --> 00:17:06,881
Thank you.

347
00:17:06,992 --> 00:17:09,119
Thank you.

348
00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:13,555
Thank you. Thank you.

349
00:17:20,239 --> 00:17:21,228
Thank you, my children.

350
00:17:21,340 --> 00:17:23,740
Bless you. Bless you. Bless you.

351
00:17:23,843 --> 00:17:26,505
Well, our long nightmare is finally over.

352
00:17:26,612 --> 00:17:28,978
Cheech and Chong
are back together again.

353
00:17:30,082 --> 00:17:32,073
Yes, yes.

354
00:17:32,184 --> 00:17:36,086
Whoa, Cheech and Chong
back together, yeah.

355
00:17:36,188 --> 00:17:39,089
How exciting is it being
at the Cheech and Chong show?

356
00:17:39,191 --> 00:17:40,123
Isn't this great?

357
00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:41,989
I'm plotzing here.

358
00:17:42,094 --> 00:17:44,085
No one's happier than l,
I'll tell you, man.

359
00:17:44,196 --> 00:17:46,096
Because I was tired
of hanging out at Home Depot.

360
00:17:46,198 --> 00:17:49,599
You know?

361
00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:51,670
Really, I'd look over the guys,
and if I found one

362
00:17:51,771 --> 00:17:53,830
that looked like Cheech I'd hire him.

363
00:17:53,939 --> 00:17:55,907
He get in the car
and he'd go "¿Trabajo?"

364
00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:57,305
I'd go, "No, smoko."

365
00:17:57,409 --> 00:17:58,774
There you go.

366
00:17:58,878 --> 00:18:00,106
It's sort of a bummer, though,

367
00:18:00,212 --> 00:18:03,511
that you guys didn't
get to be in the show.

368
00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:05,277
Well, we-- They asked.

369
00:18:05,384 --> 00:18:07,818
Our agent really screwed everything up.

370
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:09,410
He thought we were busy.
We weren't busy.

371
00:18:09,522 --> 00:18:10,420
And we weren't busy.

372
00:18:10,523 --> 00:18:11,956
Of course you weren't busy.

373
00:18:12,057 --> 00:18:13,354
Who would want to hire you guys?

374
00:18:13,459 --> 00:18:15,723
We were busy, but not that busy.

375
00:18:15,828 --> 00:18:17,318
Not that we couldn't
drop everything

376
00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:18,327
to do Cheech and Chong.

377
00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:19,658
We'd do them in a second.

378
00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:22,325
The truth is we broke up
because we got rich.

379
00:18:22,434 --> 00:18:25,528
And you can't make
a rich Mexican do shit, boy.

380
00:18:31,744 --> 00:18:33,006
Yeah!

381
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:35,171
Over the years I'd say,
"Cheech, we got to work."

382
00:18:35,281 --> 00:18:39,149
He'd go,
"l don't think so, man.

383
00:18:39,251 --> 00:18:40,684
"You go ahead, ese. I'm gonna--

384
00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:43,949
"I'm gonna stay here
and do something for my people.

385
00:18:44,056 --> 00:18:46,354
"Yeah, I'm going to learn Spanish."

386
00:18:48,561 --> 00:18:50,085
Hey, I'm learning Spanish.

387
00:18:50,196 --> 00:18:53,563
I know my Mexican name--
pendejo.

388
00:18:56,368 --> 00:19:00,862
Yes, it means
"my very good friend," right?

389
00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:01,997
Yes.

390
00:19:02,107 --> 00:19:04,075
But when we got together,

391
00:19:04,176 --> 00:19:05,575
the only problem we had
was what to do.

392
00:19:05,678 --> 00:19:07,168
Because we hadn't been
together for a long time.

393
00:19:07,279 --> 00:19:08,746
So what we did, we got on YouTube.

394
00:19:08,848 --> 00:19:11,783
And the one bit that really stuck out
is the one we're gonna do now.

395
00:19:11,951 --> 00:19:13,885
It's called
"Let's Make A Dope Deal,"

396
00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:15,453
and here's your host,

397
00:19:15,554 --> 00:19:17,385
Wayne Dickerson.

398
00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:18,387
Let's make a dope deal.

399
00:19:18,490 --> 00:19:20,754
I don't got nothing on me.

400
00:19:20,860 --> 00:19:22,259
Hey.

401
00:19:22,361 --> 00:19:24,261
Hey, peace on you.

402
00:19:24,363 --> 00:19:26,490
Peace on you. Peace on you.
Peace on you.

403
00:19:26,599 --> 00:19:30,933
Hey, Jimmy, the idiots in the balcony
are throwing shit, okay?

404
00:19:31,036 --> 00:19:31,968
Shit.

405
00:19:32,071 --> 00:19:33,766
- It's joints, but still.
- Okay.

406
00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:36,171
Play America's favorite
daytime buzz show,

407
00:19:36,275 --> 00:19:38,243
Let's Make A Dope Deal.

408
00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:39,743
Are you ready to play?

409
00:19:39,845 --> 00:19:42,541
I don't know if blue
is the best jacket for him.

410
00:19:42,648 --> 00:19:45,139
All right, is everybody ready?
Are they toked up?

411
00:19:45,251 --> 00:19:47,981
I wonder who he blew.

412
00:19:48,087 --> 00:19:49,213
So let's not waste any more time.

413
00:19:49,321 --> 00:19:50,549
Let's bring up our first contestant.

414
00:19:50,656 --> 00:19:53,454
Let's have a big warm welcome
for Bob Mitchell!

415
00:19:53,559 --> 00:19:55,754
Yeah! Whoo!

416
00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:10,205
Yeah!

417
00:20:10,309 --> 00:20:11,401
Nothing's sadder than an old hippie.

418
00:20:11,510 --> 00:20:12,534
Mmm.

419
00:20:12,645 --> 00:20:13,577
How you doing, Bob?

420
00:20:13,679 --> 00:20:16,079
Uh, bitchen, man.

421
00:20:16,181 --> 00:20:17,842
He's bitchen. Well, you look bitchen.

422
00:20:17,950 --> 00:20:19,076
This is for you, man.

423
00:20:19,184 --> 00:20:21,914
Oh, thank you, man.
You smell bitchen, too.

424
00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:24,888
Now, I understand, Bob,
that you're the head

425
00:20:24,990 --> 00:20:28,426
of the experimental chemistry department
at Texas A&M University.

426
00:20:28,527 --> 00:20:29,425
Yes, I am, man.

427
00:20:29,528 --> 00:20:30,426
Wow.

428
00:20:30,529 --> 00:20:32,429
Longhorns!

429
00:20:32,531 --> 00:20:33,429
That is-- That is--

430
00:20:33,532 --> 00:20:34,794
Moo!

431
00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:37,164
That is very impressive.
Now, what kind of experiments

432
00:20:37,269 --> 00:20:38,861
you guys been doing lately?

433
00:20:38,971 --> 00:20:42,463
Lately, we've been just fucking the dog
and selling the pups.

434
00:20:47,780 --> 00:20:49,771
Really, man.

435
00:20:49,882 --> 00:20:50,780
That's-- That's great, Bob.

436
00:20:50,883 --> 00:20:53,044
We're on national TV.

437
00:20:53,152 --> 00:20:54,050
Really?

438
00:20:54,153 --> 00:20:55,745
Hey, anybody want to buy a pup?

439
00:20:55,854 --> 00:20:57,879
- Oh, let's--
- They're really cute.

440
00:20:57,990 --> 00:21:01,016
Tell you what. Why don't we just get
right into the game, okay?

441
00:21:01,126 --> 00:21:02,388
All right, you know the rules.

442
00:21:02,494 --> 00:21:05,588
You start off with a stash
of 10 ounces of BC bud.

443
00:21:05,698 --> 00:21:06,596
Oh, 10 ounces?

444
00:21:06,699 --> 00:21:07,597
10 ounces.

445
00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:08,598
Can I quit now?

446
00:21:08,701 --> 00:21:11,169
Uh.

447
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:12,897
No, no, no,
you have to play the game.

448
00:21:13,005 --> 00:21:14,131
All right, Bob,

449
00:21:14,239 --> 00:21:15,570
now, the questions
get harder at every level.

450
00:21:15,674 --> 00:21:18,438
So how many ounces you want
to bet on the first question?

451
00:21:18,544 --> 00:21:19,442
The whole 10, man.

452
00:21:19,545 --> 00:21:20,443
All of them!

453
00:21:20,546 --> 00:21:22,639
He's gonna double his stash.

454
00:21:22,748 --> 00:21:23,976
Double my stash.

455
00:21:25,184 --> 00:21:26,446
All right, here we go, Bob.

456
00:21:26,552 --> 00:21:27,450
For 15 ounces, you ready?

457
00:21:27,553 --> 00:21:28,485
Okay.

458
00:21:28,587 --> 00:21:30,748
All right, 15 ounces. Here we go.

459
00:21:30,856 --> 00:21:34,348
For our first question,
what is your name?

460
00:21:37,096 --> 00:21:39,121
It's Bob.

461
00:21:39,231 --> 00:21:40,323
Dumb fuck.

462
00:21:40,432 --> 00:21:42,866
This is the easiest question.

463
00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:46,836
Remember? I said,
"Hey, let's have a big hand for..."

464
00:21:46,939 --> 00:21:47,837
Neal.

465
00:21:47,940 --> 00:21:49,965
- No, no, no. Close.
- Bob.

466
00:21:50,075 --> 00:21:52,669
Bob, all right, Bob.

467
00:21:54,947 --> 00:21:56,972
All right, Bob,
you now have 9 ounces.

468
00:21:57,082 --> 00:21:58,242
Way to go, okay.

469
00:21:58,350 --> 00:22:02,047
How many you want to bet this round?

470
00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:03,052
Well, all of them--

471
00:22:03,155 --> 00:22:04,053
All of them!

472
00:22:04,156 --> 00:22:05,248
He's gonna double the stash again.

473
00:22:05,357 --> 00:22:07,086
All right, here we go, Bob.

474
00:22:07,192 --> 00:22:09,558
Second question, gets harder now.

475
00:22:09,661 --> 00:22:11,652
Spell your name.

476
00:22:13,699 --> 00:22:14,597
Spell your name.

477
00:22:14,700 --> 00:22:15,598
Spell Bob.

478
00:22:15,701 --> 00:22:16,599
Spell Bob?

479
00:22:16,702 --> 00:22:17,669
Spell Bob.

480
00:22:17,770 --> 00:22:18,964
All right, I'll give you a hint.

481
00:22:19,071 --> 00:22:19,969
It starts with a B.

482
00:22:20,072 --> 00:22:20,970
B.

483
00:22:21,073 --> 00:22:22,904
B, right.

484
00:22:23,008 --> 00:22:23,997
O!

485
00:22:24,109 --> 00:22:26,202
Uh, I'll give you another hint.

486
00:22:26,311 --> 00:22:27,403
It ends with a B.

487
00:22:27,513 --> 00:22:29,447
BB.

488
00:22:29,548 --> 00:22:30,981
So close. So close.

489
00:22:31,083 --> 00:22:33,677
Tell you what. I'm going to double
your stash again.

490
00:22:33,786 --> 00:22:34,878
What do you think of that?

491
00:22:34,987 --> 00:22:36,249
- Oh!
- Absolutely right-- O.

492
00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:37,822
B-O-B.

493
00:22:37,923 --> 00:22:40,118
You just went on to the next level.

494
00:22:40,225 --> 00:22:42,284
- Way to go. Let's have a hand for him.
- I'm on a roll, man.

495
00:22:42,394 --> 00:22:43,486
You're on a roll.

496
00:22:43,595 --> 00:22:45,062
All right, how many
do you want to bet now?

497
00:22:45,164 --> 00:22:46,153
All of them.

498
00:22:46,265 --> 00:22:47,232
He's gonna double his stash again.

499
00:22:47,332 --> 00:22:48,230
Here we go, Bob.

500
00:22:48,333 --> 00:22:50,733
For 9 ounces--

501
00:22:50,836 --> 00:22:52,599
Wait a minute, man.

502
00:22:52,704 --> 00:22:53,602
What?

503
00:22:53,705 --> 00:22:56,173
I started out with 10, man.

504
00:22:56,275 --> 00:22:58,436
Yeah, and you doubled it.
You doubled it again.

505
00:22:58,544 --> 00:22:59,704
You're gonna double to a third time.

506
00:22:59,812 --> 00:23:01,336
Three times three is nine.

507
00:23:01,447 --> 00:23:04,041
Oh, okay.

508
00:23:05,784 --> 00:23:07,342
All right, Bob, for 9 ounces,

509
00:23:07,453 --> 00:23:08,613
questions get harder--

510
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:09,618
Bob!

511
00:23:09,721 --> 00:23:10,619
Right, Bob, that's--

512
00:23:10,722 --> 00:23:11,620
You're in the right direction.

513
00:23:11,723 --> 00:23:14,783
But spell Bob backwards.

514
00:23:19,031 --> 00:23:19,929
B-O-B.

515
00:23:20,032 --> 00:23:20,930
Absolutely right.

516
00:23:21,033 --> 00:23:22,330
B-O-B.

517
00:23:24,770 --> 00:23:27,136
- Aah, he's too smart.
- Go, Longhorns!

518
00:23:27,239 --> 00:23:28,137
You're sharp as a spoon.

519
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:29,172
Here we go.

520
00:23:29,274 --> 00:23:31,572
You have 5 ounces now.
Here we go.

521
00:23:31,677 --> 00:23:35,477
For 5 ounces, complete this phrase.

522
00:23:35,581 --> 00:23:38,141
No stems, no seeds
that you don't need

523
00:23:38,250 --> 00:23:39,182
Acapulco gold is--

524
00:23:39,284 --> 00:23:40,182
Bad-ass weed

525
00:23:40,285 --> 00:23:42,981
Absolutely right.

526
00:23:43,088 --> 00:23:46,489
Absolutely right.
You have 3 ounces, Bob.

527
00:23:46,592 --> 00:23:48,150
Whoa!

528
00:23:48,260 --> 00:23:51,525
All right. Last question, Bob.

529
00:23:51,630 --> 00:23:54,064
In front of you, you see three doors.

530
00:23:55,734 --> 00:23:58,794
Oh, that's right. Morrison died.

531
00:23:58,904 --> 00:23:59,802
No--

532
00:23:59,905 --> 00:24:01,372
No, not those kind of Doors, Bob.

533
00:24:01,473 --> 00:24:02,838
I know.

534
00:24:02,941 --> 00:24:06,138
I just wanted to see how many
old fucks are here tonight.

535
00:24:07,346 --> 00:24:09,507
Well, sounds like a lot of old fucks.

536
00:24:09,615 --> 00:24:12,106
All right, behind one of those doors, Bob,

537
00:24:12,217 --> 00:24:14,845
is 100 pounds of Willy Weed.

538
00:24:14,953 --> 00:24:16,113
Ooh.

539
00:24:16,221 --> 00:24:17,119
100 pounds.

540
00:24:17,222 --> 00:24:18,120
I want that door, man.

541
00:24:18,223 --> 00:24:20,088
I'll bet you do.

542
00:24:20,192 --> 00:24:22,092
Behind another one of those doors, Bob,

543
00:24:22,194 --> 00:24:25,527
is 500 pounds of Black Afghani hash.

544
00:24:25,631 --> 00:24:28,395
Ooh.

545
00:24:28,500 --> 00:24:30,195
How long has it been
since you've had hash?

546
00:24:30,302 --> 00:24:32,497
Look at my eyes, man.

547
00:24:32,604 --> 00:24:34,071
About 15 minutes, yeah.

548
00:24:34,173 --> 00:24:36,073
Very good. Very good.

549
00:24:36,175 --> 00:24:40,111
But behind another one of those doors
is Sergeant Sedanko of the DEA.

550
00:24:40,212 --> 00:24:41,736
Ooh.

551
00:24:41,847 --> 00:24:43,678
We don't want that door, do we?

552
00:24:43,782 --> 00:24:45,079
I don't want to get busted, man.

553
00:24:45,184 --> 00:24:46,981
Very good. Good strategy.

554
00:24:47,085 --> 00:24:48,575
All right, so what will it be, Bob?

555
00:24:48,687 --> 00:24:51,349
Will it be door number 1,
door number 2, or door number 3?

556
00:24:51,456 --> 00:24:53,356
- 4.
- 4-- We don't have 4.

557
00:24:53,458 --> 00:24:54,755
I don't want to get busted, man.

558
00:24:54,860 --> 00:24:56,953
I know, but you got to choose 1, 2, or 3.

559
00:24:57,062 --> 00:24:57,994
Come on, 1, 2, or 3.

560
00:24:58,096 --> 00:24:59,188
- 2, 1.
- 2, 1.

561
00:24:59,298 --> 00:25:01,095
1, 1, 2, 1, 2--

562
00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:02,224
- 3.
- 3.

563
00:25:02,334 --> 00:25:03,665
Okay, 2.

564
00:25:03,769 --> 00:25:05,100
All right, 2.
Let's open up door number 2

565
00:25:05,204 --> 00:25:06,296
and see what's behind that door.

566
00:25:06,405 --> 00:25:07,997
It's 500 pounds of Black Afghani hash!

567
00:25:08,106 --> 00:25:09,937
You win the grand prize, Bob!

568
00:25:10,042 --> 00:25:12,476
Get the grand prize up here for him.

569
00:25:16,982 --> 00:25:19,644
Let me show you where my heart is.

570
00:25:19,751 --> 00:25:22,743
I'm going to donate all my hash
to you people, yes.

571
00:25:22,854 --> 00:25:24,048
Yeah, I'll take the hash.

572
00:25:24,156 --> 00:25:25,054
Yeah, man.

573
00:25:25,157 --> 00:25:26,647
Sell that motherfucker.

574
00:25:26,758 --> 00:25:28,123
I can fence it for you.

575
00:25:29,361 --> 00:25:31,226
How many Mexicans are here tonight?

576
00:25:33,765 --> 00:25:35,460
Okay.

577
00:25:35,567 --> 00:25:37,558
Okay.

578
00:25:37,669 --> 00:25:40,069
How many are here illegally?

579
00:25:40,172 --> 00:25:42,766
Eh, ¿qué pasa?

580
00:25:42,874 --> 00:25:45,934
We did research
and we found that Mexicans

581
00:25:46,044 --> 00:25:49,138
are in every state
of the Union in America.

582
00:25:50,415 --> 00:25:54,875
Every state, including Alaska.

583
00:25:54,987 --> 00:25:57,080
I met Cheech in Canada.
That's how far he snuck up.

584
00:25:57,189 --> 00:25:59,589
All the way to Canada.

585
00:25:59,691 --> 00:26:02,421
Who, me, me, me, me

586
00:26:02,527 --> 00:26:05,894
Yeah, you, you, you, you

587
00:26:05,998 --> 00:26:07,226
Oh--

588
00:26:07,332 --> 00:26:09,732
Oh, crap. Come on, man.

589
00:26:17,309 --> 00:26:18,503
Ow.

590
00:26:21,947 --> 00:26:25,906
There's only one place
that Mexicans have not conquered yet.

591
00:26:26,018 --> 00:26:28,213
They haven't snuck into outer space.

592
00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:30,117
Tonight we're going
to take care of that.

593
00:26:30,222 --> 00:26:33,521
We're going to show you
the first Mexican in outer space.

594
00:26:33,625 --> 00:26:35,786
Here he is.

595
00:26:42,634 --> 00:26:45,102
Hey, man, you see those guys there?

596
00:26:45,203 --> 00:26:46,135
Ooo.

597
00:26:46,238 --> 00:26:47,136
Who's this little cutie pie?

598
00:26:47,239 --> 00:26:48,672
Oh, this is Javier.

599
00:26:48,774 --> 00:26:49,672
Say hi to Shelby.

600
00:26:49,775 --> 00:26:50,673
Hello, Shelby.

601
00:26:50,776 --> 00:26:52,038
Oh, hi, Javier.

602
00:26:52,144 --> 00:26:53,702
They must be friends of Cheech's.

603
00:26:53,812 --> 00:26:56,212
Is that a dog collar he's wearing?

604
00:26:56,315 --> 00:26:58,875
He has everything he owns
wearing collars.

605
00:27:44,296 --> 00:27:46,161
Launch sequence engaged.

606
00:27:46,264 --> 00:27:49,495
10, 9, 8, 7, 6,

607
00:27:49,601 --> 00:27:54,095
5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

608
00:27:54,206 --> 00:27:55,833
Ignition.

609
00:28:45,056 --> 00:28:46,853
Oh, look at all you pigeons.

610
00:28:46,958 --> 00:28:49,153
You know ol' Charlie's coming, don't you?

611
00:28:49,261 --> 00:28:51,695
Yeah, there-- There you go.

612
00:28:51,797 --> 00:28:53,731
Here's some bread crumbs for you.

613
00:28:53,832 --> 00:28:55,925
Oh, I got some cookies, too.

614
00:28:56,034 --> 00:28:57,899
Oh, you like this, don't you?

615
00:28:58,003 --> 00:28:59,470
There you go.

616
00:28:59,571 --> 00:29:01,596
Oh, don't get greedy.
There's enough for everybody.

617
00:29:01,706 --> 00:29:03,833
Oh, come on.

618
00:29:03,942 --> 00:29:04,931
Get your little--

619
00:29:05,043 --> 00:29:06,340
Come on, little fat butt over here.

620
00:29:08,814 --> 00:29:10,304
Oh, you're a big fat guy, aren't you?

621
00:29:10,415 --> 00:29:12,610
Come on over here. There you go.

622
00:29:15,287 --> 00:29:17,152
He got that pigeon good, didn't he?

623
00:29:24,429 --> 00:29:27,296
Yep, gonna have a little
pigeon taco tonight.

624
00:29:27,399 --> 00:29:29,299
Have you ever had squab?

625
00:29:29,401 --> 00:29:30,493
And here he comes. Pick him up.

626
00:29:34,973 --> 00:29:36,702
Hey, fuck you.

627
00:29:37,876 --> 00:29:40,310
Yeah, fuck you, too.

628
00:29:44,783 --> 00:29:46,512
Hey, fuck you, too.

629
00:29:46,618 --> 00:29:48,051
Hey, we know him, man.

630
00:29:48,153 --> 00:29:49,814
- Yeah.
- Hey, give us some beer.

631
00:30:04,269 --> 00:30:06,430
Excuse me, sir.

632
00:30:06,538 --> 00:30:07,436
Huh?

633
00:30:07,539 --> 00:30:11,942
I don't want to interrupt your meal,
but do you speak English?

634
00:30:12,043 --> 00:30:13,476
Uh, yeah.

635
00:30:13,578 --> 00:30:15,375
Good. Fuck off.

636
00:30:17,682 --> 00:30:20,344
Hey, that's good. I like you, old man.

637
00:30:20,452 --> 00:30:23,182
"Fuck off."

638
00:30:23,288 --> 00:30:27,088
Hey, want some beer, man?
Come on, have some beer.

639
00:30:27,192 --> 00:30:28,284
Oh, I get it. I get it.

640
00:30:28,393 --> 00:30:29,519
You speak it,

641
00:30:29,628 --> 00:30:31,653
but you don't understand it.
Is that your problem?

642
00:30:31,763 --> 00:30:33,731
What?

643
00:30:33,832 --> 00:30:35,925
Oh, then can I ask you a serious question?

644
00:30:36,034 --> 00:30:37,831
Okay, okay.

645
00:30:37,936 --> 00:30:40,564
Did you shit your pants?

646
00:30:40,672 --> 00:30:42,799
Uh, yeah, I did, man.

647
00:30:43,942 --> 00:30:45,603
How could you tell?

648
00:30:45,710 --> 00:30:48,474
Well, why the hell don't you go home
and change them, for Christ's sake?

649
00:30:48,580 --> 00:30:50,104
Hey, I ain't done yet, man.

650
00:30:53,351 --> 00:30:54,249
Hey, pull my finger.

651
00:30:54,352 --> 00:30:57,219
Get the hell out of here.

652
00:31:00,058 --> 00:31:02,219
If you don't fuck off,
I'm gonna get out of this chair

653
00:31:02,327 --> 00:31:03,726
and I'm gonna kick you in the balls.

654
00:31:03,828 --> 00:31:05,955
Oh, you gonna kick me
in the balls, huh?

655
00:31:06,064 --> 00:31:10,524
Okay, Pele, give it a shot, man.

656
00:31:10,635 --> 00:31:12,364
Bend them like Beckham.

657
00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:20,706
Well, you sure the hell
don't give a guy much of a target, do you?

658
00:31:20,812 --> 00:31:25,044
Hey, hey, you're
really funny, funny bunny.

659
00:31:26,851 --> 00:31:28,341
Come on, let's play a game, funny bunny.

660
00:31:28,453 --> 00:31:29,351
Don't touch me.

661
00:31:32,324 --> 00:31:33,621
Come on, let's play some--

662
00:31:33,725 --> 00:31:35,556
Let's play race car driver, okay?

663
00:31:41,366 --> 00:31:44,824
You like that one?

664
00:31:44,936 --> 00:31:47,928
You know, you should have
more respect for me.

665
00:31:48,039 --> 00:31:49,563
Oh, yeah, why's that?

666
00:31:49,674 --> 00:31:52,939
For all you know,
I could be your daddy.

667
00:31:53,044 --> 00:31:56,480
- Yeah, you could be my daddy.
- That's right.

668
00:31:56,581 --> 00:31:58,913
I used to fuck buffalos.

669
00:32:03,288 --> 00:32:06,189
By Jesus, you look an awful lot
like your mama, you know that?

670
00:32:06,291 --> 00:32:08,282
- Hey.
- Well, you do.

671
00:32:08,393 --> 00:32:10,793
And you sure the hell smell like her.
That's for goddamn sure.

672
00:32:10,895 --> 00:32:12,795
That's enough, man.
Come on, you want to get down?

673
00:32:12,897 --> 00:32:14,524
You think I'm scared of you,
you son of a bitch?

674
00:32:16,701 --> 00:32:18,430
I'll give you one in the head.

675
00:32:23,908 --> 00:32:27,537
Hey, no time outs, man, come on.

676
00:32:33,251 --> 00:32:36,311
Hey, I'm going to take your wallet.

677
00:32:36,421 --> 00:32:39,254
I'm going to take your wallet.

678
00:32:39,357 --> 00:32:42,724
Fucking pigeon in here, God damn.

679
00:32:42,827 --> 00:32:46,092
¡Cochino!

680
00:32:47,532 --> 00:32:49,830
Hey, come on, dude.
Quit fucking around.

681
00:32:49,934 --> 00:32:50,832
Come on, let's go.

682
00:32:50,935 --> 00:32:52,960
I was having a good--

683
00:32:53,071 --> 00:32:54,732
- Hey.
- Hey.

684
00:32:57,042 --> 00:32:58,839
Oh, fuck.

685
00:32:58,943 --> 00:33:01,605
Hey, hey, sir.

686
00:33:05,450 --> 00:33:07,714
Hey, Mister sir.

687
00:33:09,688 --> 00:33:10,586
Hey, oh, shit.

688
00:33:10,689 --> 00:33:12,850
Oh, shit, fuck, God damn.

689
00:33:12,957 --> 00:33:15,949
Hey, I'm on parole, fucker.

690
00:33:16,061 --> 00:33:17,426
Hey, run.

691
00:33:17,529 --> 00:33:18,427
Oh, fuck, I'm sorry, dude.

692
00:33:18,530 --> 00:33:19,997
I'm sorry, I didn't mean--

693
00:33:20,098 --> 00:33:22,658
Scared the shit out of you that time.

694
00:33:22,767 --> 00:33:24,530
Didn't l, you little bastard.

695
00:33:25,970 --> 00:33:27,130
I knew he wasn't dead.

696
00:33:27,238 --> 00:33:28,136
Oh, yeah?

697
00:33:28,239 --> 00:33:29,263
- Yeah.
- Oh.

698
00:33:29,374 --> 00:33:31,467
Because they got to do
the rest of the show, man.

699
00:33:31,576 --> 00:33:32,474
Oh, yeah.

700
00:33:32,577 --> 00:33:35,205
That's Chong. That's Chong.

701
00:33:35,313 --> 00:33:37,213
Go, out. Everybody out.

702
00:33:37,315 --> 00:33:38,714
There we go.

703
00:33:38,817 --> 00:33:40,284
Okay, standby to restore.

704
00:33:40,385 --> 00:33:42,148
Same thing, in the center on Tommy.

705
00:33:42,253 --> 00:33:44,346
Thank you.

706
00:33:46,458 --> 00:33:49,723
Before we get into
our music portion of the show,

707
00:33:49,828 --> 00:33:52,922
I would like to talk to you
a little bit about my time in jail.

708
00:33:53,031 --> 00:33:55,261
Hey, homeboy.

709
00:33:55,366 --> 00:33:58,529
Up here. We've been in jail.

710
00:33:58,636 --> 00:34:00,866
It's not as bad as you think it is.

711
00:34:00,972 --> 00:34:02,064
You know all that Bubba stuff?

712
00:34:02,173 --> 00:34:03,538
That homo stuff?

713
00:34:03,641 --> 00:34:04,539
It's not true.

714
00:34:04,642 --> 00:34:06,109
It doesn't hurt.

715
00:34:06,211 --> 00:34:08,975
No, I'm only kidding. I'm only kidding.

716
00:34:10,882 --> 00:34:11,780
Hickey, come on, two minutes.

717
00:34:11,883 --> 00:34:14,909
Oh, okay.

718
00:34:15,019 --> 00:34:17,214
Me, me, me, me, me, me, me

719
00:34:18,656 --> 00:34:21,250
You, you, you, you, you, you, you

720
00:34:22,427 --> 00:34:24,418
Him, him, him, him, him, him, him

721
00:34:24,529 --> 00:34:27,293
They put me in jail for bongs, right?

722
00:34:27,398 --> 00:34:29,298
The whole time I was in jail,
I kept thinking,

723
00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:31,061
"What were they trying to prove here?"

724
00:34:31,169 --> 00:34:34,070
Take away our bongs,
we won't be able to smoke our dope?

725
00:34:34,172 --> 00:34:37,266
Because the truth is you get a bud
and no way to smoke it,

726
00:34:37,375 --> 00:34:39,775
you turn into MacGyver
in a heartbeat, don't you?

727
00:34:43,481 --> 00:34:47,247
I've known hippies that couldn't find
their ass with either hand,

728
00:34:47,352 --> 00:34:49,445
but hand them anything
and tell them to make a pipe,

729
00:34:49,554 --> 00:34:51,249
and they'll grab it--

730
00:34:57,028 --> 00:34:58,359
I got it.

731
00:34:58,463 --> 00:35:01,796
You can use anything
to smoke pot out of, man.

732
00:35:01,900 --> 00:35:05,131
My favorite is a Tampax tube.

733
00:35:05,236 --> 00:35:09,104
Got a real familiar taste,

734
00:35:09,207 --> 00:35:12,142
built-in filter,

735
00:35:12,243 --> 00:35:14,143
and the greatest thing--
if you got to hide it,

736
00:35:14,245 --> 00:35:15,576
just hand it to your old lady.

737
00:35:18,416 --> 00:35:20,077
And it's got the little flag on the end

738
00:35:20,185 --> 00:35:21,675
so you always know
where your dope is.

739
00:35:28,526 --> 00:35:31,620
Oh, shit.

740
00:35:44,008 --> 00:35:48,604
The other thing I had to do in jail was
I had to take a drug education course.

741
00:35:48,713 --> 00:35:50,772
Well, actually, I taught it.

742
00:35:50,882 --> 00:35:52,076
I did.

743
00:35:52,183 --> 00:35:53,775
Fuckers didn't know
anything about dope, man.

744
00:35:53,885 --> 00:35:57,184
They're trying to tell us
that marijuana is a dangerous drug.

745
00:35:57,288 --> 00:35:58,585
I told them. I said marijuana is

746
00:35:58,690 --> 00:36:01,318
the friendliest drug
you'll ever come across.

747
00:36:01,426 --> 00:36:03,656
- Right?

748
00:36:03,761 --> 00:36:07,424
Listen to me. It's the only drug I know
where you take a hit,

749
00:36:07,532 --> 00:36:11,593
your first impulse is to give it to somebody.

750
00:36:14,672 --> 00:36:15,764
But I like this one, too.

751
00:36:15,874 --> 00:36:17,205
Marijuana makes you
lazy and unmotivated.

752
00:36:17,308 --> 00:36:19,776
Whoa.

753
00:36:19,878 --> 00:36:23,370
Now, there's a reason
to put someone in jail, huh?

754
00:36:23,481 --> 00:36:24,709
Pretty soon, that'll be against the law,

755
00:36:24,816 --> 00:36:26,306
and I'll be the first guy in court.

756
00:36:26,417 --> 00:36:27,714
I can just see the judge now.

757
00:36:27,819 --> 00:36:29,446
He'll be looking at me going,

758
00:36:29,554 --> 00:36:31,920
"Mr. Chong, you have been charged
with being lazy and unmotivated.

759
00:36:32,023 --> 00:36:35,459
How do you plead? Mr. Chong?"

760
00:36:36,694 --> 00:36:40,095
"Bailiff, will you wake
the prisoner, please?"

761
00:36:40,198 --> 00:36:42,223
Well, it's true.
Marijuana does make you lazy.

762
00:36:42,333 --> 00:36:44,801
In fact, I remember
one time I was stoned.

763
00:36:44,903 --> 00:36:46,632
I'm laying on the couch,

764
00:36:46,738 --> 00:36:50,265
and I couldn't find
that channel changer, man.

765
00:36:50,375 --> 00:36:52,707
But I noticed if I moved
my ass a certain way,

766
00:36:52,810 --> 00:36:55,870
the TV would change anyway.

767
00:36:57,282 --> 00:37:00,740
I never did find that changer, man.

768
00:37:00,852 --> 00:37:04,583
But I got so good, I could
TiVo that motherfucker.

769
00:37:04,689 --> 00:37:06,520
Let's go, buddy.

770
00:37:06,624 --> 00:37:08,421
Our first musical guest tonight

771
00:37:08,526 --> 00:37:11,154
is a young man that appeared
in Cheech and Chong's Next Movie.

772
00:37:11,362 --> 00:37:13,057
Let's hear it for Red Hickey!

773
00:37:24,876 --> 00:37:25,968
How y'all tonight?

774
00:37:26,077 --> 00:37:26,975
Hey, man, where's the bathroom?

775
00:37:27,078 --> 00:37:28,170
You have to use the dressing room.

776
00:37:28,279 --> 00:37:29,712
That's the only one that's available.

777
00:37:29,814 --> 00:37:32,180
I-- l-- I'm kind of nervous up here.

778
00:37:32,283 --> 00:37:33,614
I'm a street singer.

779
00:37:33,718 --> 00:37:36,209
I'm not used to being
on the stage or nothing, boy.

780
00:37:36,321 --> 00:37:40,121
Boy, I'm so nervous, you couldn't get a pin
up my ass with a jackhammer right now.

781
00:37:40,224 --> 00:37:42,556
I'll tell you what.

782
00:37:42,660 --> 00:37:43,888
Thank you very much.

783
00:37:47,532 --> 00:37:51,730
Aah, hey, Chong.
What's up, motherfucker?

784
00:37:51,836 --> 00:37:53,633
Hey, hey, it's me-- Juno.

785
00:37:53,738 --> 00:37:54,636
How'd you get in here?

786
00:37:54,739 --> 00:37:57,037
Oh, man, it's me-- Juno, you know?

787
00:37:57,141 --> 00:37:58,039
Juno?

788
00:37:58,142 --> 00:37:59,200
Juno what I'm talking about?

789
00:37:59,310 --> 00:38:03,110
God damn, it's hot up here
with all these lights and everything.

790
00:38:03,214 --> 00:38:06,012
I get relative humidity, you know?

791
00:38:06,117 --> 00:38:07,982
That's the sweat that forms on your balls

792
00:38:08,086 --> 00:38:10,577
when you're doing your cousin.
You know, relative humidity?

793
00:38:13,424 --> 00:38:15,221
You get it?

794
00:38:15,326 --> 00:38:16,520
Thank you very much.

795
00:38:16,627 --> 00:38:19,152
Aah, you look good, motherfucker.

796
00:38:19,263 --> 00:38:20,161
Yeah.

797
00:38:23,301 --> 00:38:25,735
You know, y'all ought to
put me on the show, man.

798
00:38:25,837 --> 00:38:28,601
I'm a rapper. I do rap.
I could breakdance, and l--

799
00:38:28,706 --> 00:38:31,436
- Oh.
- I could introduce y'all.

800
00:38:31,542 --> 00:38:33,066
Right, right, a black rapper in jail.

801
00:38:33,177 --> 00:38:35,577
- Yeah, now I remember you.
- Yeah, yeah, all right.

802
00:38:35,680 --> 00:38:38,774
What do you get when you
cross a leprechaun with a prostitute?

803
00:38:38,883 --> 00:38:41,511
You get a little bitty fucker
about that big.

804
00:38:44,555 --> 00:38:47,217
You get it?

805
00:38:49,060 --> 00:38:50,857
-
- Thank you very much.

806
00:38:50,962 --> 00:38:52,361
How'd you get in here?

807
00:38:52,463 --> 00:38:55,660
I got a little gig
delivering Chinese food, man,

808
00:38:55,767 --> 00:38:59,168
so I thought, hey, bring this over
to the theater for Chong.

809
00:38:59,270 --> 00:39:01,261
Man, that mother's my dawg, man.

810
00:39:01,372 --> 00:39:02,566
Yeah.

811
00:39:02,673 --> 00:39:05,164
How you jack off a dinosaur?

812
00:39:05,276 --> 00:39:08,040
Like this here.

813
00:39:18,222 --> 00:39:21,089
You get it?

814
00:39:21,192 --> 00:39:22,887
-
- Thank you very much.

815
00:39:22,994 --> 00:39:24,757
Could y'all help me out, man?

816
00:39:24,862 --> 00:39:26,853
I'm a little short right now.
Maybe, you know, a couple hundred,

817
00:39:26,964 --> 00:39:28,727
500, a thousand,
whatever you got, you know.

818
00:39:28,833 --> 00:39:30,494
You know, I don't carry any cash on me.

819
00:39:30,601 --> 00:39:32,330
I'm right in the middle
of the show, man.

820
00:39:32,437 --> 00:39:33,870
I'd really like to do it, but l--

821
00:39:33,971 --> 00:39:35,836
Yeah, gonna be like that?
All right. All right.

822
00:39:35,940 --> 00:39:37,168
No, seriously, man.

823
00:39:37,275 --> 00:39:40,870
Well, you know, I just
brought your Chinese food.

824
00:39:40,978 --> 00:39:44,573
So have your Chinese food,
Chinese motherfucker.

825
00:39:44,682 --> 00:39:47,344
We've been traveling all over the country
with the Ching and Chang show.

826
00:39:47,452 --> 00:39:50,546
Sometimes we don't know
where the hell we are, you know?

827
00:39:50,655 --> 00:39:54,955
But I knew today that we were coming
to San Antonio, Texas, boy.

828
00:40:02,266 --> 00:40:03,631
And I love San Antonio

829
00:40:03,734 --> 00:40:06,931
'cause my dear departed daddy,
he was from San Antonio.

830
00:40:07,038 --> 00:40:09,370
I remember the last words
he ever said to me.

831
00:40:09,474 --> 00:40:13,342
He said, "Hey, watch this."

832
00:40:20,351 --> 00:40:23,184
-
- Thank you very much.

833
00:40:23,287 --> 00:40:24,845
I'd like to liven up the mood here,

834
00:40:24,956 --> 00:40:28,392
and I want-- l-l-I want--
I want to sing a song.

835
00:40:29,560 --> 00:40:31,425
Thank you very much.

836
00:40:31,529 --> 00:40:35,329
I want to dedicate it
to my girlfriend of 16 years.

837
00:40:35,433 --> 00:40:37,993
Well, she'll be 16
in about two weeks, so--

838
00:40:39,537 --> 00:40:41,505
-
- Thank you very much.

839
00:40:41,606 --> 00:40:44,268
- I always love dressing cowboy, don't you?
- Mm-hmm.

840
00:40:44,375 --> 00:40:46,639
Boy, these young girls today,
I'll tell you what, man.

841
00:40:46,744 --> 00:40:49,611
Th-they're all wild.
They got piercings and tattoos

842
00:40:49,714 --> 00:40:51,409
all over every place, you know?

843
00:40:51,516 --> 00:40:56,476
I think he pulls it off.
I think he pulled it off a scarecrow.

844
00:40:56,587 --> 00:40:57,713
My girl come home t'other day,

845
00:40:57,822 --> 00:40:59,847
and she had a tattoo of a clam shell

846
00:40:59,957 --> 00:41:02,084
right on her inner thigh
there, you know?

847
00:41:02,193 --> 00:41:04,718
You could put your head up to it
and smell the ocean, you know?

848
00:41:04,829 --> 00:41:06,888
It was just a beautiful thing.

849
00:41:06,998 --> 00:41:09,330
Beautiful.

850
00:41:11,235 --> 00:41:12,964
All right, so I want to
sing you a little song.

851
00:41:13,070 --> 00:41:15,834
And it's a love song,
and if you know the words,

852
00:41:15,940 --> 00:41:17,931
I want you to join on in.
Okay? Here goes.

853
00:41:18,042 --> 00:41:19,703
Goes something like this here.

854
00:41:19,810 --> 00:41:21,710
Me

855
00:41:21,812 --> 00:41:24,906
And my old lady

856
00:41:25,016 --> 00:41:28,452
We like, we like,
we like to get outside

857
00:41:28,553 --> 00:41:30,043
Oh, thank you very much.

858
00:41:30,154 --> 00:41:34,955
But sometimes people
space us out

859
00:41:35,059 --> 00:41:40,554
So we just make like a bakery truck
and haul buns out of there

860
00:41:40,665 --> 00:41:45,364
Oh, sometimes we are
so much in love

861
00:41:45,469 --> 00:41:50,702
That we go on a picnic
and don't even take any beer

862
00:41:50,808 --> 00:41:53,572
We just cruise around

863
00:41:53,678 --> 00:41:55,475
Looking for the main drag in town

864
00:41:55,580 --> 00:41:57,047
Listen to this cowboy motherfucker.

865
00:41:57,148 --> 00:42:02,108
We go to the 7-Eleven
and get ourselves some beef jerky

866
00:42:02,220 --> 00:42:03,949
Motherfucker's song don't even rhyme.

867
00:42:04,055 --> 00:42:06,580
...and my old lady

868
00:42:06,691 --> 00:42:10,787
Oh we like, we like,
we like to get outside

869
00:42:14,865 --> 00:42:16,332
Thank you very much.

870
00:42:16,434 --> 00:42:18,766
- You like country music?
- Yeah, I do, man.

871
00:42:21,038 --> 00:42:23,199
- I like that one song.
- Which one?

872
00:42:23,307 --> 00:42:27,107
Oh, that "l lost my dog."

873
00:42:27,211 --> 00:42:28,838
I want to bring out another
musical friend of mine.

874
00:42:28,946 --> 00:42:31,437
Ain't no motherfucking friend of mine.

875
00:42:31,549 --> 00:42:33,847
He's from Africa, Mississippi.

876
00:42:34,986 --> 00:42:36,476
So let's have a big, warm welcome

877
00:42:36,587 --> 00:42:40,751
for none other than Blind Melon Chitlin.
Come on.

878
00:42:44,528 --> 00:42:46,792
He's so old, he farts dust.

879
00:42:49,133 --> 00:42:51,397
Blind Melon, head him on--

880
00:42:51,502 --> 00:42:53,060
Gonna walk off the fucking stage there.

881
00:42:53,170 --> 00:42:55,263
Come on, over here,
Blind Melon. Hyah, hyah.

882
00:42:55,373 --> 00:42:57,773
Here, doggie, hyah, hyah.
Hyah hyah hyah.

883
00:42:57,875 --> 00:42:59,740
Hyah, hyah. There.

884
00:43:01,245 --> 00:43:02,837
All right, there you go.
Let's have another hand for him.

885
00:43:02,947 --> 00:43:05,711
Blind Melon Chitlin. Come on.

886
00:43:20,131 --> 00:43:22,463
He ain't playing it. That ain't him, is it?

887
00:43:22,566 --> 00:43:25,501
- Yeah.
- Nah, that ain't him.

888
00:43:25,603 --> 00:43:26,831
It's a record.

889
00:44:00,004 --> 00:44:02,734
I'm Blind Melon Chitlin

890
00:44:04,475 --> 00:44:08,377
I used to drink 4 quarts
of whiskey every day

891
00:44:14,652 --> 00:44:17,519
Then I started pissing
blood in the morning

892
00:44:19,924 --> 00:44:22,916
So I stopped that shit right away

893
00:44:23,027 --> 00:44:24,756
I can't understand
a word he's saying.

894
00:44:24,862 --> 00:44:26,227
- But he's sober.
- Not a fucking word.

895
00:44:26,330 --> 00:44:29,857
He's sober.
Well, I wish he'd get drunk again.

896
00:44:29,967 --> 00:44:32,834
Now all I do is smoke my reefer

897
00:44:35,106 --> 00:44:38,769
And get as high
as a motherfucker every day

898
00:44:38,876 --> 00:44:40,776
Every way

899
00:44:40,878 --> 00:44:45,872
Every goddamn day, yeah

900
00:44:51,922 --> 00:44:54,254
Thank you all.

901
00:44:55,626 --> 00:44:57,594
Thank y'all.

902
00:44:58,863 --> 00:45:00,228
Right now I want to sing a song

903
00:45:00,331 --> 00:45:03,596
and dedicate it to all the freaky women
in the audience tonight.

904
00:45:07,004 --> 00:45:09,472
I love women. I tell you,
when you're blind,

905
00:45:09,573 --> 00:45:11,302
there's only two kind of women--

906
00:45:11,409 --> 00:45:14,810
those that smell good
and those that don't.

907
00:45:14,912 --> 00:45:18,848
I love them both.

908
00:45:18,949 --> 00:45:21,042
Yeah, I love a stinky woman.

909
00:45:21,152 --> 00:45:23,916
At least you know where she's at.

910
00:45:24,021 --> 00:45:26,717
Dah dah dah dah. Yeah.

911
00:45:26,824 --> 00:45:29,122
I had me a freaky woman
the other night.

912
00:45:29,226 --> 00:45:31,160
Oh, let me tell you about her.

913
00:45:31,262 --> 00:45:34,493
I took her home, and the first thing she did
when she walked in the door,

914
00:45:34,598 --> 00:45:37,499
she took off her leg
and put it on the dresser.

915
00:45:39,503 --> 00:45:41,664
Then she took off her titties
and put them on the dresser.

916
00:45:43,107 --> 00:45:45,337
Then she took out her teeth
and her glass eye and her hair,

917
00:45:45,443 --> 00:45:47,001
and put them on the dresser.

918
00:45:47,111 --> 00:45:49,807
Hell, I didn't know whether to get in bed
or get on the dresser.

919
00:45:54,985 --> 00:45:57,317
But that old toothless bitch,
she could sing.

920
00:45:57,421 --> 00:45:59,321
Let me tell you.

921
00:45:59,423 --> 00:46:02,119
So I played a little guitar,

922
00:46:02,226 --> 00:46:04,694
and she sang a song
went like this here.

923
00:46:06,464 --> 00:46:08,625
She said Blind

924
00:46:08,732 --> 00:46:10,927
This party's jumping

925
00:46:11,035 --> 00:46:13,765
- I'm having a good time

926
00:46:13,871 --> 00:46:16,203
But you know what's really on my mind?

927
00:46:16,307 --> 00:46:19,276
Don't clap. You'll fuck me up.

928
00:46:19,376 --> 00:46:22,641
You mind if I get comfortable?

929
00:46:22,746 --> 00:46:26,147
Take off all my shit
and put it on the dresser too

930
00:46:28,919 --> 00:46:31,114
And while I'm giving you some head

931
00:46:31,222 --> 00:46:34,055
Play me some
of your down-home blues

932
00:46:35,759 --> 00:46:37,488
Down-home blues

933
00:46:37,595 --> 00:46:39,859
Down-home blues

934
00:46:39,964 --> 00:46:44,162
All she wanted to hear
was some down-home blues

935
00:46:44,268 --> 00:46:46,395
All night long

936
00:46:46,504 --> 00:46:50,372
It's the only thing she let me do

937
00:46:53,043 --> 00:46:55,238
She gave me the best head

938
00:46:55,346 --> 00:46:58,611
And I boogied off
her down-home blues

939
00:46:59,750 --> 00:47:03,948
I played her some blues, I said.

940
00:47:17,201 --> 00:47:19,499
I said, "Baby, how do you
like my blues so far?"

941
00:47:22,039 --> 00:47:25,065
Well, she looked up at me
with tears in her eyes.

942
00:47:25,175 --> 00:47:27,336
And this is what she said.

943
00:47:31,515 --> 00:47:33,574
Oh, hell, yeah

944
00:47:44,261 --> 00:47:45,785
Down-home blues

945
00:47:45,896 --> 00:47:48,296
Down-home blues

946
00:47:48,399 --> 00:47:50,959
All she wanted to hear was my

947
00:47:51,068 --> 00:47:52,365
Down-home blues.

948
00:47:52,469 --> 00:47:55,063
Well, y'all sound
like a busload of retards, man.

949
00:47:55,172 --> 00:47:56,901
Come on.

950
00:47:57,007 --> 00:47:59,032
Let's do that again.

951
00:47:59,143 --> 00:48:01,805
This time, I want all the men
with dicks over 10 inches,

952
00:48:01,912 --> 00:48:03,777
y'all sing. Here we go.

953
00:48:03,881 --> 00:48:06,782
When I say "Down-home blues,"
you repeat it, here we go.

954
00:48:08,285 --> 00:48:09,343
Down-home blues

955
00:48:09,453 --> 00:48:10,977
Down-home blues.

956
00:48:13,023 --> 00:48:15,389
Lot of black folk
in the house tonight, uh-huh.

957
00:48:17,628 --> 00:48:20,791
And some tough women.
I heard a woman sing on that last one.

958
00:48:21,865 --> 00:48:24,060
That's okay, Ellen, strap-ons count.

959
00:48:24,168 --> 00:48:26,363
Just give me some good head

960
00:48:26,470 --> 00:48:29,928
And I boogie off
your down-home blues

961
00:48:39,083 --> 00:48:40,846
Thank y'all.

962
00:48:41,986 --> 00:48:43,317
Thank y'all.

963
00:48:43,420 --> 00:48:45,752
Right now, ladies and gentlemen,

964
00:48:45,856 --> 00:48:48,484
it's my extreme pleasure
to bring out this little motherfucker

965
00:48:48,592 --> 00:48:50,150
that just got out of rehab.

966
00:48:50,260 --> 00:48:53,661
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck.

967
00:48:53,764 --> 00:48:55,527
Please welcome the one, the only--

968
00:48:55,633 --> 00:48:59,228
This is gonna be weird, man. Fuck. Geez.

969
00:49:04,575 --> 00:49:06,873
Fucking Alice is having
a fucking hissy fit.

970
00:49:06,977 --> 00:49:09,912
We always knew it could fucking
go wrong with him anyway.

971
00:49:10,014 --> 00:49:12,983
Alice! Alice!

972
00:49:14,718 --> 00:49:18,176
What the fuck is wrong
with you people? What?

973
00:49:18,288 --> 00:49:19,585
Every one of these hot dogs

974
00:49:19,690 --> 00:49:22,250
is supposed to have
brown German mustard on it!

975
00:49:22,359 --> 00:49:23,553
Brown German mustard!

976
00:49:23,661 --> 00:49:25,322
Look. It's on my rider.

977
00:49:25,429 --> 00:49:27,795
Look, it's on--
Where the fuck is it? It's on my rider.

978
00:49:27,898 --> 00:49:29,991
I had-- Ah, there it is.

979
00:49:30,100 --> 00:49:31,658
Brown German mustard.

980
00:49:31,769 --> 00:49:34,329
I'm here alone!
I'm all alone in this place!

981
00:49:34,438 --> 00:49:37,066
Hey, where's the motherfuck
come over to help me, for fuck's sake?

982
00:49:37,174 --> 00:49:42,168
No blue M&Ms. No blue M&Ms!

983
00:49:42,279 --> 00:49:44,509
Not all blue M&Ms!

984
00:49:49,053 --> 00:49:50,145
Jimmy!

985
00:49:50,254 --> 00:49:52,279
Jimmy!

986
00:49:52,389 --> 00:49:55,153
- Jimmy!
- Hey, motherfucker, what the fuck are you--

987
00:49:55,259 --> 00:49:56,226
I can't go on.

988
00:49:56,326 --> 00:49:57,918
What the fuck are you yelling
about, motherfucker?

989
00:49:58,028 --> 00:50:00,519
- Get your damn ass out here.
- Who the fuck are you?

990
00:50:00,631 --> 00:50:02,565
- Who the fuck am l?
- Yeah.

991
00:50:02,666 --> 00:50:04,930
Who's blind around here,
you or me, motherfucker?

992
00:50:05,035 --> 00:50:07,026
Take a look. I'm Blind Melon Chitlin.

993
00:50:07,137 --> 00:50:10,129
- Blind Melon Chitlin?
- Yeah, I just introduced your ass out there.

994
00:50:10,240 --> 00:50:11,571
You're a god!

995
00:50:11,675 --> 00:50:13,302
You're a god. I worship you.

996
00:50:13,410 --> 00:50:14,604
You're a god.

997
00:50:14,712 --> 00:50:16,009
Let me suck your dick.

998
00:50:16,113 --> 00:50:17,774
Hey, hey, we don't have time.

999
00:50:21,719 --> 00:50:23,516
Alice! Alice!

1000
00:50:23,620 --> 00:50:25,315
Puto, puto.

1001
00:50:25,422 --> 00:50:27,253
They're calling "Alice, Alice, Alice."

1002
00:50:27,357 --> 00:50:28,824
- You know what that means?
- What?

1003
00:50:28,926 --> 00:50:31,656
That means you better get
your little skinny ass up there.

1004
00:50:31,762 --> 00:50:34,731
Or the motherfuckers are going to tear
this theater apart, you understand?

1005
00:50:34,832 --> 00:50:36,060
- l--
- They love you.

1006
00:50:36,166 --> 00:50:38,361
- Love me?
- They love you.

1007
00:50:38,469 --> 00:50:40,130
- They love you.
- They love me.

1008
00:50:40,237 --> 00:50:42,899
Yes. The music world loves you.

1009
00:50:43,006 --> 00:50:44,337
They-- They need you.

1010
00:50:44,441 --> 00:50:46,432
- They do. They need me.
- They need you.

1011
00:50:46,543 --> 00:50:48,306
- Yeah.
- Get out there.

1012
00:50:48,412 --> 00:50:50,437
They need me, and they love me.

1013
00:50:50,547 --> 00:50:52,947
All right. All right, I'll do it, Blind.

1014
00:50:53,050 --> 00:50:55,075
- Go. Go.
- Let me suck your dick.

1015
00:50:55,185 --> 00:50:57,483
- No, no, we'll talk about that later.
- Okay.

1016
00:50:57,588 --> 00:50:58,555
I gotta get dressed.

1017
00:50:58,655 --> 00:51:00,816
I'll-- Go introduce me again.

1018
00:51:00,924 --> 00:51:02,016
- Jimmy!
- Yeah, okay.

1019
00:51:02,126 --> 00:51:05,527
- Jimmy, go to--
- Introduce me again. I'm ready.

1020
00:51:11,769 --> 00:51:14,363
They love me. They need me.

1021
00:51:17,274 --> 00:51:20,334
Turn the motherfucker on, man.
Ladies and gentlemen--

1022
00:51:20,444 --> 00:51:22,605
They need me!

1023
00:51:22,713 --> 00:51:25,705
The one, the only Mr. Alice Bowie.

1024
00:51:25,816 --> 00:51:27,716
Here he is!

1025
00:51:27,818 --> 00:51:29,581
- Get his ass out here.

1026
00:51:58,949 --> 00:52:01,747
My mama talking to me
trying to tell me how to live

1027
00:52:04,288 --> 00:52:07,189
But I don't listen
to her 'cause my head is like a sieve

1028
00:52:14,998 --> 00:52:16,329
My daddy, he disowned me

1029
00:52:16,433 --> 00:52:18,333
'Cause I wear my sister's clothes

1030
00:52:20,237 --> 00:52:23,729
He caught me in the bathroom
with a pair of pantyhose

1031
00:52:30,981 --> 00:52:33,541
My basketball coach, he
done kicked me off the team

1032
00:52:35,652 --> 00:52:39,748
For wearing high-heeled sneakers
and acting like a queen

1033
00:53:02,512 --> 00:53:05,003
The world's coming to an end,
I don't even care

1034
00:53:07,584 --> 00:53:11,611
As long as I can have
a limo and my orange hair

1035
00:53:18,128 --> 00:53:21,791
And it don't bother me
if people think I'm funny

1036
00:53:23,734 --> 00:53:26,259
'Cause I'm a big rock star,
and I'm making lots of money

1037
00:53:26,370 --> 00:53:30,204
Money, money, money,
money, money, money

1038
00:53:35,178 --> 00:53:39,308
I'm so bloody rich.

1039
00:53:39,416 --> 00:53:43,409
I own apartment buildings
and shopping centers.

1040
00:53:44,755 --> 00:53:47,622
And I only know three chords.

1041
00:53:49,059 --> 00:53:51,118
Watch me!

1042
00:53:53,597 --> 00:53:55,462
You fools!

1043
00:54:51,088 --> 00:54:52,453
Hey, where-- where's Margaret, man?

1044
00:54:52,556 --> 00:54:54,023
Where'd she go? Where's Margaret?

1045
00:54:54,124 --> 00:54:56,251
I don't know where Margaret is.
She's in the bathroom. Jesus.

1046
00:54:58,261 --> 00:54:59,660
Hey.

1047
00:55:05,736 --> 00:55:07,897
Tutus come in handy in so many ways.

1048
00:55:08,005 --> 00:55:10,337
You know, not just
because they look good.

1049
00:55:10,440 --> 00:55:12,738
But if you walk into a certain spot,

1050
00:55:12,843 --> 00:55:15,073
the tutu will tell you
whether or not you can get out.

1051
00:55:15,178 --> 00:55:17,908
I'm back!

1052
00:55:18,015 --> 00:55:19,846
Few people know that.

1053
00:55:20,050 --> 00:55:21,074
Cheech and Chong!

1054
00:55:21,184 --> 00:55:22,515
Cheech and Chong!

1055
00:55:22,619 --> 00:55:24,382
Cheech and Chong!

1056
00:55:33,597 --> 00:55:35,792
Come on, Margaret,
where the hell are you?

1057
00:55:37,401 --> 00:55:39,733
Get out of that goddamn toilet
and get out here.

1058
00:55:39,836 --> 00:55:41,827
It's only a porno movie.

1059
00:55:41,938 --> 00:55:44,338
That looks exactly like my father.

1060
00:55:44,441 --> 00:55:46,875
That looks like one
of my ex-father-in-laws.

1061
00:55:46,977 --> 00:55:50,469
Christ. I never been
in a porno theater before.

1062
00:55:50,580 --> 00:55:53,743
Sure the hell smells weird.

1063
00:55:53,850 --> 00:55:55,875
Smells like wet puppy.

1064
00:55:57,587 --> 00:55:58,884
And what the hell's on the floor?

1065
00:55:58,989 --> 00:56:01,753
I keep sticking to the goddamn floor.

1066
00:56:03,226 --> 00:56:04,750
There's crap all over the seat.

1067
00:56:04,861 --> 00:56:07,625
There's something-- Ew.

1068
00:56:09,499 --> 00:56:11,990
Well, this one ain't too bad.

1069
00:56:12,102 --> 00:56:14,070
You know, it's
the damnedest thing.

1070
00:56:14,171 --> 00:56:16,969
You know, you pay an arm and a leg
to get in these porno theaters,

1071
00:56:17,074 --> 00:56:20,805
and all they give you is a popcorn box
with the bottom cut out.

1072
00:56:20,911 --> 00:56:22,845
What the hell is this all about?

1073
00:56:22,946 --> 00:56:26,347
Well, there's a guy got one on his lap.

1074
00:56:26,450 --> 00:56:30,079
And he's yanking on something,
that's for sure.

1075
00:56:30,187 --> 00:56:32,621
Margaret! Oh, there she is.

1076
00:56:32,722 --> 00:56:36,249
Margaret. Margaret.

1077
00:56:36,359 --> 00:56:39,294
Margaret, for Christ's sake, I'm over here.

1078
00:56:44,968 --> 00:56:48,369
Now, sit your ass down here.
We're gonna enjoy this.

1079
00:56:48,472 --> 00:56:51,066
I don't want to hear this bullshit.

1080
00:56:52,576 --> 00:56:54,601
What the hell's wrong with you now?

1081
00:56:54,711 --> 00:56:56,645
Well, I know there's
something on the seat.

1082
00:56:56,746 --> 00:56:58,407
That's why I didn't sit there.

1083
00:57:01,284 --> 00:57:03,479
Now, come on, sit down.
They're starting the movie.

1084
00:57:10,093 --> 00:57:12,653
Geez, I hope that's not the star.

1085
00:57:14,364 --> 00:57:18,061
She's uglier than your sister Ethel,
for Christ's sake.

1086
00:57:18,168 --> 00:57:20,363
No goddamn wonder. It is Ethel.

1087
00:57:20,470 --> 00:57:22,802
Margaret, that's
your horny sister Ethel up there.

1088
00:57:25,275 --> 00:57:28,767
Holy-- We wondered what
she'd been doing lately.

1089
00:57:28,879 --> 00:57:32,337
Looks like she's been doing a lot.

1090
00:57:32,449 --> 00:57:34,713
Well, just a minute.
She's taking off her clothes.

1091
00:57:36,153 --> 00:57:38,383
No, that ain't Ethel.

1092
00:57:43,326 --> 00:57:44,953
Oh, come on, lady,
what are you gonna do,

1093
00:57:45,061 --> 00:57:47,495
just stand there
with your finger in your muffin?

1094
00:57:49,499 --> 00:57:51,831
Boy, she's got a hell
of an itch, don't she?

1095
00:57:53,370 --> 00:57:56,737
Oh, those things stretch
a mile, don't they?

1096
00:57:56,840 --> 00:57:59,866
Hey, Margaret, she's smiling at you.

1097
00:58:02,179 --> 00:58:05,546
Look, she's doing impressions now.
Look at this.

1098
00:58:05,649 --> 00:58:08,049
There's Willie Nelson
eating ice cream.

1099
00:58:12,622 --> 00:58:15,591
Now, what the hell's she
got there, a Coke bottle?

1100
00:58:15,692 --> 00:58:18,092
What the hell is she gonna do--
Oh, for Christ's sake.

1101
00:58:20,197 --> 00:58:24,463
Margaret, look.
Things go better with Coke.

1102
00:58:25,969 --> 00:58:29,097
Whoa, the goddamn bottle disappeared.
You see that?

1103
00:58:29,206 --> 00:58:31,436
Oh, there it is.

1104
00:58:31,541 --> 00:58:33,600
Christ, she popped that
clear across the room.

1105
00:58:33,710 --> 00:58:34,972
Did you see that, Margaret?

1106
00:58:35,078 --> 00:58:38,775
Now, that's muscle control,
by Jesus.

1107
00:58:38,882 --> 00:58:39,871
Now what is that?

1108
00:58:39,983 --> 00:58:42,508
A big bowl of grapes?

1109
00:58:42,619 --> 00:58:46,919
What the hell is she gonna--
Well, for Christ's sake.

1110
00:58:47,023 --> 00:58:49,491
She's feeding it.

1111
00:58:49,593 --> 00:58:52,460
The furry little monkey eats grapes.
Look at that, Margaret.

1112
00:58:55,031 --> 00:58:58,467
How the hell is she gonna get them
out of there? That's what I want to see.

1113
00:58:58,568 --> 00:59:01,560
Oh, here they come.

1114
00:59:01,671 --> 00:59:05,300
Oh, Christ, she's
eating them. Oh, Jesus.

1115
00:59:05,408 --> 00:59:06,841
Are you getting sick?

1116
00:59:06,943 --> 00:59:09,377
Well, don't puke in your purse,
for Christ's sake.

1117
00:59:09,479 --> 00:59:11,743
Here, put your head
between your legs.

1118
00:59:11,848 --> 00:59:14,612
Oh, Christ, that might make you sicker.
Sit up here, Margaret.

1119
00:59:17,153 --> 00:59:18,848
If it's gonna make you sick,
don't look, okay?

1120
00:59:18,955 --> 00:59:20,786
I'll tell you when to look.

1121
00:59:20,890 --> 00:59:23,256
Margaret, look.

1122
00:59:23,360 --> 00:59:26,090
They brought in a midget.

1123
00:59:26,196 --> 00:59:29,359
He got a little bitty-- Oh, no, he ain't.

1124
00:59:31,568 --> 00:59:36,005
That's the biggest goddamn
midget I've ever seen.

1125
00:59:36,106 --> 00:59:38,370
He's still coming in the door.

1126
00:59:40,010 --> 00:59:42,808
Margaret, look. He's going up on her.

1127
00:59:46,750 --> 00:59:50,049
He used it as a pole vault
to get up there. You see that?

1128
00:59:53,089 --> 00:59:55,785
Holy geez, he disappeared.

1129
00:59:55,892 --> 01:00:00,192
What the hell is that,
the Bermuda Triangle?

1130
01:00:00,297 --> 01:00:02,663
Oh, she popped him out, too.

1131
01:00:02,766 --> 01:00:06,827
And he's eating the goddamn
grapes. Oh, for Christ's sake.

1132
01:00:09,306 --> 01:00:13,367
Come on, buddy. If you're that hungry,
I'll buy you a hamburger.

1133
01:00:13,476 --> 01:00:17,708
Oh, Margaret, look, look, look.
They brought in a dog.

1134
01:00:17,814 --> 01:00:21,545
He licked that little midget clean.
You see that?

1135
01:00:21,651 --> 01:00:23,778
And he's eating the goddamn grapes.

1136
01:00:23,887 --> 01:00:26,355
Jesus Christ.

1137
01:00:26,456 --> 01:00:29,186
Oh, now they're getting sick.
Margaret, don't look at this.

1138
01:00:29,292 --> 01:00:32,056
They ruined the goddamn film.

1139
01:00:32,162 --> 01:00:34,460
I'm ready to go. You ready to go?

1140
01:00:34,564 --> 01:00:38,022
Now they brought in some black guy,
for Christ's sake.

1141
01:00:38,134 --> 01:00:40,568
Oh, Jesus.

1142
01:00:40,670 --> 01:00:43,503
Oh, shit.

1143
01:00:43,606 --> 01:00:47,337
Yeah, that's horrible.

1144
01:00:47,444 --> 01:00:49,469
Okay, Margaret, let's go. Come on.

1145
01:00:49,579 --> 01:00:51,376
When they start-- Margaret.

1146
01:00:51,481 --> 01:00:53,210
Oh, get it, baby.

1147
01:00:53,316 --> 01:00:54,408
- Get it, baby.
- Ooh.

1148
01:00:54,517 --> 01:00:55,848
Yeah, get it, baby.

1149
01:00:55,952 --> 01:00:56,941
- Tear it up.
- Yeah.

1150
01:00:58,922 --> 01:01:01,823
Listen, God damn it, I'm leaving.
Are you coming?

1151
01:01:06,730 --> 01:01:09,893
Hey, man, you into old chicks?

1152
01:01:09,999 --> 01:01:12,263
Only if they got money, man.

1153
01:01:12,369 --> 01:01:15,998
And restore, please.
In the center, on Tommy.

1154
01:01:16,206 --> 01:01:18,071
Thank you.

1155
01:01:18,174 --> 01:01:21,166
If you're a stoner
in any way, shape, or form,

1156
01:01:21,277 --> 01:01:23,142
I would suggest you read the Bible

1157
01:01:23,246 --> 01:01:24,907
because I checked it out,

1158
01:01:25,014 --> 01:01:27,141
and I found out that God is a stoner.

1159
01:01:27,250 --> 01:01:29,946
Oh, shit.

1160
01:01:30,053 --> 01:01:30,985
Fuck.

1161
01:01:31,087 --> 01:01:33,317
- My gun.
- Oh, hey, man.

1162
01:01:33,423 --> 01:01:35,152
First of all, the first page,

1163
01:01:35,258 --> 01:01:37,886
God is known as "the most high."

1164
01:01:39,796 --> 01:01:41,388
First page.

1165
01:01:41,498 --> 01:01:45,400
And when he created the heavens
and the earth and the universe,

1166
01:01:45,502 --> 01:01:51,202
on the sixth day,
God gave us green herb.

1167
01:01:51,307 --> 01:01:55,607
Now, what did He do
on the seventh day?

1168
01:01:55,712 --> 01:01:59,614
Nothing. He was too fucked up to work.

1169
01:02:01,284 --> 01:02:03,149
I'm gonna leave you here. You all right?

1170
01:02:03,253 --> 01:02:04,379
This is my dressing room.

1171
01:02:04,487 --> 01:02:05,749
Yep. Right here. Here you go.

1172
01:02:05,855 --> 01:02:08,289
And He turned Moses on.

1173
01:02:08,391 --> 01:02:10,723
And Moses talked to the burning bush.

1174
01:02:13,096 --> 01:02:16,065
I've done that.

1175
01:02:16,166 --> 01:02:18,726
God appeared to Moses
in the form of a burning bush.

1176
01:02:18,835 --> 01:02:20,598
That meant God had to be
the first dealer.

1177
01:02:20,703 --> 01:02:22,466
Of course He was. He's God.

1178
01:02:22,572 --> 01:02:24,506
And I can see God
on that mountain top right now.

1179
01:02:24,607 --> 01:02:26,074
He'd be all looking clean,

1180
01:02:26,176 --> 01:02:27,939
a little bling bling, looking around.

1181
01:02:28,044 --> 01:02:31,343
And He'd go, "Mo, get your ass over here.

1182
01:02:31,448 --> 01:02:33,916
This bud's for Jews."

1183
01:02:41,691 --> 01:02:43,784
Oh, fuck.

1184
01:02:43,893 --> 01:02:46,589
They were looking
for the land of milk and honey.

1185
01:02:46,696 --> 01:02:49,028
The fuckers had the munchies.

1186
01:02:52,635 --> 01:02:56,071
I know that pot's good for you
because my cat loves to get high.

1187
01:02:57,307 --> 01:02:59,207
The first time I got my cat stoned,

1188
01:02:59,309 --> 01:03:02,540
I didn't mean to.
I just didn't see him in the room.

1189
01:03:02,645 --> 01:03:07,014
And I didn't realize he was stoned
till I watched him walk off a table.

1190
01:03:08,852 --> 01:03:11,320
And he didn't land on his feet.

1191
01:03:11,421 --> 01:03:12,911
No.

1192
01:03:13,022 --> 01:03:14,182
He took that one extra step

1193
01:03:14,290 --> 01:03:16,622
and he went all over
and started clawing shit.

1194
01:03:16,726 --> 01:03:18,284
Then he got hung up on one nail,

1195
01:03:18,394 --> 01:03:20,123
and he's hanging there looking at me.

1196
01:03:20,230 --> 01:03:22,664
He gives me that look
like "I'm okay. No, I'm--"

1197
01:03:25,568 --> 01:03:27,092
And he got loose.

1198
01:03:31,941 --> 01:03:34,034
Ohh!

1199
01:03:34,143 --> 01:03:35,838
This tastes like shit.

1200
01:03:35,945 --> 01:03:37,970
And I think he got
cotton mouth or something

1201
01:03:38,081 --> 01:03:39,810
because he looked up at me,
and he went--

1202
01:03:42,018 --> 01:03:44,179
I thought I was going deaf.

1203
01:03:44,287 --> 01:03:47,381
Then I realized he's fucked up.

1204
01:03:47,490 --> 01:03:50,220
So I had to give him
a little kitty drug test.

1205
01:03:50,326 --> 01:03:53,989
I threw him at the curtains,
and he didn't stick.

1206
01:03:54,097 --> 01:03:58,830
But he was so fucked up,
he's thinking, "Fuck, I'm flying, man."

1207
01:03:58,935 --> 01:04:00,960
Now, when I call my cat
in from outside,

1208
01:04:01,070 --> 01:04:02,560
I don't go "Kitty, kitty, kitty."

1209
01:04:02,672 --> 01:04:03,730
No, sir. No.

1210
01:04:03,840 --> 01:04:05,432
I make a little sound like--

1211
01:04:10,346 --> 01:04:14,373
He hears that sound,
he'll come running 50 miles away.

1212
01:04:14,484 --> 01:04:16,782
Then he'll follow me around
the rest of the night

1213
01:04:16,886 --> 01:04:18,478
like a little cat junkie, you know?

1214
01:04:21,124 --> 01:04:23,456
Fire it up.

1215
01:04:26,729 --> 01:04:29,357
Come on, man. I want to sit in the window
and look at shit.

1216
01:04:31,801 --> 01:04:33,530
Okay, throw me at the curtains.

1217
01:04:33,636 --> 01:04:35,365
I wasn't ready, man.

1218
01:04:37,407 --> 01:04:40,570
But right now, we'd like to take you inside

1219
01:04:40,677 --> 01:04:44,044
a backyard of-- Well, let's
make it here in San Antonio.

1220
01:04:44,147 --> 01:04:47,480
Where we meet our heroes
Ralph and Herbie.

1221
01:05:13,443 --> 01:05:15,377
Ralph!

1222
01:05:15,478 --> 01:05:16,740
Herbie!

1223
01:05:16,846 --> 01:05:19,371
- I thought that was you.
- Hey, how the hell are you?

1224
01:05:19,482 --> 01:05:21,916
It's been a long time. How are you?

1225
01:05:22,018 --> 01:05:26,148
Hey, you're looking good, man.

1226
01:05:26,255 --> 01:05:27,813
You got a piercing.

1227
01:05:29,592 --> 01:05:31,423
How'd you do that, man?

1228
01:05:31,527 --> 01:05:33,586
I sat on a stapler about 15 times.

1229
01:05:33,696 --> 01:05:34,856
Wow.

1230
01:05:34,964 --> 01:05:36,488
It looks really punk, huh?

1231
01:05:36,599 --> 01:05:37,793
I like it, man.

1232
01:05:37,900 --> 01:05:39,197
It's so hip. I want to do it.

1233
01:05:39,302 --> 01:05:41,327
- You gotta show me how to do that.
- It's really easy.

1234
01:05:41,437 --> 01:05:42,734
Hey, I love your new haircut.

1235
01:05:42,839 --> 01:05:44,033
Really? Wow.

1236
01:05:44,140 --> 01:05:46,734
What's that? That's like
a reverse mohawk, huh?

1237
01:05:46,843 --> 01:05:48,743
Yeah.

1238
01:05:48,845 --> 01:05:49,971
Wow. I love how you got the hair

1239
01:05:50,079 --> 01:05:53,640
to stick straight out like a porcupine.

1240
01:05:53,750 --> 01:05:56,583
- I'm on a new vegetarian diet.
- Wow.

1241
01:05:56,686 --> 01:06:01,453
My human put me on it because he's trying
to help me get my shit together.

1242
01:06:01,557 --> 01:06:04,617
Thing is, man, with this new diet,
I have to shit every five minutes.

1243
01:06:04,727 --> 01:06:06,888
- Oh, that's--
- In fact, I gotta go right now.

1244
01:06:06,996 --> 01:06:08,725
- Oh, okay.
- Hey, do you want to help me?

1245
01:06:08,831 --> 01:06:10,628
Well, what do you want me to do?

1246
01:06:10,733 --> 01:06:13,463
Well, now that you ask,
will you lick my balls?

1247
01:06:23,546 --> 01:06:26,743
This reminds me of Waiting for Godot.

1248
01:06:29,686 --> 01:06:32,985
Oh, you got a big wad of gum in there.
I ain't licking that.

1249
01:06:33,089 --> 01:06:34,317
- No, no.
- Oh, come on, man.

1250
01:06:34,424 --> 01:06:35,789
No, no, you lick your own.
Lick your own.

1251
01:06:35,892 --> 01:06:37,189
Never mind, I'll do it myself.

1252
01:06:37,293 --> 01:06:38,851
Well, come on.
I need some paper, then.

1253
01:06:38,961 --> 01:06:40,428
Paper? What, are you
gonna read while you shit?

1254
01:06:40,530 --> 01:06:42,998
No. My human, he taught me
how to crap on paper.

1255
01:06:43,099 --> 01:06:44,259
It's the only way I can go now.

1256
01:06:44,367 --> 01:06:45,356
Oh, okay. Well, let me find--

1257
01:06:45,468 --> 01:06:47,459
Oh, here. Here's some.

1258
01:06:48,604 --> 01:06:50,333
Well, no, that's
a gum wrapper, man.

1259
01:06:50,440 --> 01:06:52,738
- I need a newspaper.
- Oh.

1260
01:06:52,842 --> 01:06:55,743
Give me the San Antonio
whatever the fuck they call it.

1261
01:07:02,085 --> 01:07:03,245
There you go. All right.

1262
01:07:03,352 --> 01:07:06,082
Oh, look, it's a picture
of Bush and Cheney.

1263
01:07:06,189 --> 01:07:09,181
Let them go.

1264
01:07:25,041 --> 01:07:27,908
Hey, Herbie, here it comes.

1265
01:07:28,010 --> 01:07:31,969
Oh, it's gonna be a big one, too.

1266
01:07:32,081 --> 01:07:35,244
Oh, looks like the log ride at Disneyland.

1267
01:07:35,351 --> 01:07:36,750
Keep pushing, keep pushing.

1268
01:07:36,853 --> 01:07:38,582
- You got it. Oh.
- Ow.

1269
01:07:38,688 --> 01:07:40,747
Wow, look at the size of that mother.

1270
01:07:40,857 --> 01:07:42,518
Whoa. Did I do that?

1271
01:07:42,625 --> 01:07:45,116
- Man, you're gonna need stitches.
- No kidding.

1272
01:07:45,228 --> 01:07:47,162
I could've used
an epidural for that one.

1273
01:07:47,263 --> 01:07:49,493
You should have heard
the sound when it hit the cement.

1274
01:07:49,599 --> 01:07:51,897
- Sounded like a ham. Boom.

1275
01:07:52,001 --> 01:07:54,128
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- What's the matter? What's the matter?

1276
01:07:54,237 --> 01:07:55,727
- What's the matter?
- Fifi.

1277
01:07:55,838 --> 01:07:58,898
Fifi. Oh, she's in heat.

1278
01:07:59,008 --> 01:08:00,407
- Oh, God.
- Oh.

1279
01:08:00,510 --> 01:08:02,978
- Oh, that little poodle gets me so horny.
- No kidding, man.

1280
01:08:03,079 --> 01:08:04,569
- Oh, man, I just want to--
- Hey, knock it off.

1281
01:08:04,680 --> 01:08:05,977
Hey, hey, no, no. Hey!

1282
01:08:06,082 --> 01:08:07,845
Oh.

1283
01:08:07,950 --> 01:08:09,577
Knock it off!

1284
01:08:14,557 --> 01:08:16,525
I'm sorry. I don't know what got into me.

1285
01:08:16,626 --> 01:08:18,560
Well, I know what got into me.

1286
01:08:21,030 --> 01:08:23,828
- Go ahead, get me back.
- Get out of here, you homo.

1287
01:08:25,601 --> 01:08:27,364
Ralph, Ralph.
Ralph, Ralph, Ralph.

1288
01:08:29,105 --> 01:08:31,539
Hey. Don't pay any attention
to her. I'll back her into you.

1289
01:08:31,641 --> 01:08:34,508
Hey, Fifi. How you doing?
Hey, where you been?

1290
01:08:34,610 --> 01:08:35,736
You been on vacation?

1291
01:08:35,845 --> 01:08:38,313
I like your new glasses.
Is that a new coat?

1292
01:08:38,414 --> 01:08:39,676
You look really good.

1293
01:08:39,782 --> 01:08:41,477
Hey, nice to see you. Here we go.

1294
01:08:41,584 --> 01:08:43,848
All right, I got her, got her.

1295
01:08:45,421 --> 01:08:48,083
No, no, no, not me! Not me!

1296
01:08:49,625 --> 01:08:53,356
Ladies and gentlemen,
give it up for Cheech and Chong.

1297
01:08:53,462 --> 01:08:56,260
And Shelby!

1298
01:08:58,334 --> 01:09:00,894
- Oh, good. I got to take a piss, man.
- Oh, yeah?

1299
01:09:09,779 --> 01:09:12,270
Here. Want some pop?

1300
01:09:19,956 --> 01:09:23,551
And out. Everybody out.

1301
01:09:26,829 --> 01:09:27,989
Yeah, it's wonderful.

1302
01:09:33,803 --> 01:09:37,068
Ready, pick them up.

1303
01:09:43,779 --> 01:09:46,771
Took a walk to the corner store

1304
01:09:46,883 --> 01:09:50,375
Just to buy a loaf of bread
and a box of s'mores

1305
01:09:50,486 --> 01:09:54,252
Up pulls a guy in a yellow van

1306
01:09:54,357 --> 01:09:57,554
A shiny gold badge flashes in his hand

1307
01:09:57,660 --> 01:10:01,323
- He said--
- All right, all you mojados, hit the floor.

1308
01:10:01,430 --> 01:10:05,867
I got one question to ask and nothing more.

1309
01:10:05,968 --> 01:10:09,131
Answer in English. That is, if you can.

1310
01:10:10,172 --> 01:10:11,764
Where were you born, man?

1311
01:10:13,209 --> 01:10:16,110
Where was I born?

1312
01:10:16,212 --> 01:10:18,680
That's right, menudo breath,
read my lips.

1313
01:10:18,781 --> 01:10:21,306
Where were you born?

1314
01:10:21,417 --> 01:10:25,251
I was born in East L.A.

1315
01:10:25,354 --> 01:10:28,755
Man, I was born in East L.A.

1316
01:10:28,858 --> 01:10:31,827
Oh, you were born
in East L.A., were you?

1317
01:10:31,928 --> 01:10:33,987
I'm from East L.A.

1318
01:10:34,096 --> 01:10:35,495
Well, then, I guess you could tell me

1319
01:10:35,598 --> 01:10:37,259
who the new President
of the United States is.

1320
01:10:37,366 --> 01:10:38,390
What's his name?

1321
01:10:38,501 --> 01:10:39,763
The President.

1322
01:10:39,869 --> 01:10:40,927
That's right.

1323
01:10:41,037 --> 01:10:42,436
Oh, yeah, yeah, I know that guy.

1324
01:10:42,538 --> 01:10:43,630
The black guy. He just got elected.

1325
01:10:43,739 --> 01:10:44,933
His name is-- He has a cool name.

1326
01:10:45,041 --> 01:10:48,135
It's like Arock-- Arock--
Arock Your Mama.

1327
01:10:48,244 --> 01:10:50,838
Rock Your Mama's the President.

1328
01:10:50,947 --> 01:10:52,608
Sorry, wrong answer.

1329
01:10:52,715 --> 01:10:54,910
You're under arrest, Pedro.
Come on, let's go.

1330
01:11:01,657 --> 01:11:04,558
One spot on Tommy and Shelby,
one spot on Cheech.

1331
01:11:04,660 --> 01:11:06,491
Keep them separate, there you go.

1332
01:11:06,595 --> 01:11:08,722
Good.

1333
01:11:14,270 --> 01:11:16,295
Next thing I know,
I'm in a foreign land

1334
01:11:16,405 --> 01:11:18,703
People talking so fast,
I couldn't understand

1335
01:11:18,808 --> 01:11:20,708
Nobody there to lend a helping hand

1336
01:11:20,810 --> 01:11:22,903
I was cold, it was dark,
it was a burger stand

1337
01:11:23,012 --> 01:11:25,310
I wanna go back to East L.A.

1338
01:11:25,414 --> 01:11:27,541
I wish I was back in East L.A.

1339
01:11:27,650 --> 01:11:29,811
I don't belong here in downtown TJ

1340
01:11:29,919 --> 01:11:32,114
'Cause I was born in East L.A.

1341
01:11:32,221 --> 01:11:34,212
I crawled under barbed wire,
swam across the stream

1342
01:11:34,323 --> 01:11:36,848
Went under six different trucks
packed like sardines

1343
01:11:36,959 --> 01:11:38,586
Walked all day in the burning sun

1344
01:11:38,694 --> 01:11:41,322
Now I know what it's like
to be born to run

1345
01:11:41,430 --> 01:11:43,625
Up ahead was the promised land

1346
01:11:43,733 --> 01:11:45,724
Shining like a star
just beyond my hand

1347
01:11:45,835 --> 01:11:47,803
All I could see was a golden glow

1348
01:11:47,903 --> 01:11:50,269
I looked up, the sign said 5 zillion sold

1349
01:11:50,373 --> 01:11:53,069
And I was back in East L.A.

1350
01:11:53,175 --> 01:11:54,608
Back in East L.A.

1351
01:11:54,710 --> 01:11:57,076
You know I'm never gonna stray

1352
01:11:57,179 --> 01:11:59,306
'Cause I was born in East L.A.

1353
01:11:59,415 --> 01:12:01,076
Oh, L.A.

1354
01:12:01,183 --> 01:12:03,174
Too saltay

1355
01:12:03,285 --> 01:12:05,082
I'm proud to say

1356
01:12:05,187 --> 01:12:08,213
I'm from East L.A.

1357
01:12:29,011 --> 01:12:30,603
Let's hear it
for Tommy and Shelby Chong.

1358
01:12:30,713 --> 01:12:32,340
Come on.

1359
01:12:34,116 --> 01:12:35,549
Whoo!

1360
01:12:35,684 --> 01:12:39,085
I love being in San Antonio, man.

1361
01:12:42,525 --> 01:12:45,619
So we'd like to do something
very special tonight for you.

1362
01:12:45,728 --> 01:12:48,629
I hope you like it.
It's the only serious part of our whole show.

1363
01:12:48,731 --> 01:12:51,165
It's a song of my people.

1364
01:12:51,267 --> 01:12:53,201
And I hope you like it.

1365
01:12:55,037 --> 01:12:57,505
Mexican Americans

1366
01:12:57,606 --> 01:12:59,904
Don't like to just get into gang fights

1367
01:13:00,009 --> 01:13:05,208
They like flowers and music
and white girls named Debbie, too

1368
01:13:07,783 --> 01:13:10,547
Mexican Americans love education

1369
01:13:10,653 --> 01:13:13,588
So they go to night school
and they take Spanish

1370
01:13:13,689 --> 01:13:16,783
And get a "B"

1371
01:13:18,427 --> 01:13:19,917
Mexican Americans

1372
01:13:20,029 --> 01:13:22,429
Don't like to get up
early in the morning

1373
01:13:22,531 --> 01:13:28,265
But they have to,
so they do it real slow

1374
01:13:28,370 --> 01:13:31,237
Mexican Americans love their nanas

1375
01:13:31,340 --> 01:13:34,104
And their nonos and their ninas
and their ninos

1376
01:13:34,210 --> 01:13:37,737
Nanoo Nanoo ninanono

1377
01:13:39,115 --> 01:13:41,345
Don't call them beaners

1378
01:13:41,450 --> 01:13:42,974
They're all over the place

1379
01:13:43,085 --> 01:13:44,575
Don't call them beaners

1380
01:13:44,687 --> 01:13:46,518
They'll up and kick you in the face

1381
01:13:46,622 --> 01:13:48,385
Don't call them beaners

1382
01:13:48,491 --> 01:13:50,049
When they drown in their cologne

1383
01:13:50,159 --> 01:13:51,820
Don't call them beaners

1384
01:13:51,927 --> 01:13:53,690
Even though they're nice
when they're alone

1385
01:13:53,796 --> 01:13:55,730
Don't call them beaners

1386
01:13:55,831 --> 01:13:59,961
They don't like to be called beaners

1387
01:14:03,439 --> 01:14:07,466
You can dress him up,
but you can't take him out.

1388
01:14:07,576 --> 01:14:09,874
Where was l? Oh, yes. My people.

1389
01:14:09,979 --> 01:14:13,346
Mexican Americans are named Chata

1390
01:14:13,449 --> 01:14:16,111
And Chela and Chema

1391
01:14:16,218 --> 01:14:18,243
And little Chema

1392
01:14:18,354 --> 01:14:20,652
And have a son-in-law named Jeff

1393
01:14:23,626 --> 01:14:26,686
Mexican Americans don't
like to go to the movies

1394
01:14:26,795 --> 01:14:28,490
Where the dude has to
wear contact lenses

1395
01:14:28,597 --> 01:14:29,894
To make his blue eyes brown

1396
01:14:29,999 --> 01:14:33,560
'Cause don't they make
my brown eyes blue

1397
01:14:36,438 --> 01:14:38,599
Mexican Americans
live in Los Angeles

1398
01:14:38,707 --> 01:14:43,076
San Diego, San Francisco,
and San Antonio, Texas

1399
01:14:45,614 --> 01:14:50,642
And Jesus Christ, it's hot out there

1400
01:14:50,753 --> 01:14:53,881
Mexican Americans
have been here forever

1401
01:14:53,989 --> 01:14:55,786
And we're gonna be here forever

1402
01:14:55,891 --> 01:15:00,225
And we only want what's fair

1403
01:15:00,329 --> 01:15:03,696
Mexican Americans!

1404
01:15:06,769 --> 01:15:09,363
Thank you, Mexican Americans.

1405
01:15:09,538 --> 01:15:10,903
We want to sing
one more song for you.

1406
01:15:11,006 --> 01:15:12,974
We want you all to sing
along with us, okay?

1407
01:15:13,075 --> 01:15:14,804
It's a song I know you all know.

1408
01:15:14,910 --> 01:15:16,172
But if you don't know all the words,

1409
01:15:16,278 --> 01:15:18,303
they're gonna be right up here
on the big screen.

1410
01:15:18,414 --> 01:15:20,507
So join my partner, Mr. Tommy Chong,

1411
01:15:20,616 --> 01:15:21,674
and sing the following song.

1412
01:15:21,784 --> 01:15:23,183
Chengo?

1413
01:15:39,969 --> 01:15:42,767
Here's some marshmallows for you.

1414
01:15:49,612 --> 01:15:51,546
All right, come on, Mexican Americans.

1415
01:15:59,321 --> 01:16:00,618
All right.

1416
01:16:00,723 --> 01:16:02,691
Hey, how come you don't inhale, man?

1417
01:16:02,791 --> 01:16:04,224
I'm on probation.

1418
01:16:04,326 --> 01:16:06,191
All right, beaners. All the beaners.

1419
01:16:13,535 --> 01:16:14,502
Come on, beaners.

1420
01:16:44,266 --> 01:16:45,358
All right!

1421
01:16:52,308 --> 01:16:54,799
Everybody flip their phones on.
I want to see all those lights.

1422
01:16:54,910 --> 01:16:56,537
Come on, flick the phones on.

1423
01:17:01,984 --> 01:17:05,351
Come on in the balcony,
let me see them on.

1424
01:17:12,194 --> 01:17:14,788
All right, come on,
real loud, one more time.

1425
01:17:22,738 --> 01:17:24,763
One more time, real loud, everybody.

1426
01:17:56,472 --> 01:17:58,269
It's nice to be back. We love you.

1427
01:17:58,374 --> 01:18:00,137
Woo!

1428
01:18:00,242 --> 01:18:01,766
Yeah, dawg.

1429
01:18:01,877 --> 01:18:04,812
- Yeah, it's wonderful.
- One thumb way up.

1430
01:18:06,749 --> 01:18:09,081
Fist way up, way up there.

1431
01:18:09,184 --> 01:18:10,845
Calm down.

1432
01:18:10,953 --> 01:18:12,784
I love those guys.

1433
01:18:18,494 --> 01:18:19,722
Cheech and Chong!

1434
01:18:19,828 --> 01:18:21,455
Cheech and Chong!

1435
01:18:21,563 --> 01:18:23,087
Cheech and Chong!

1436
01:18:23,198 --> 01:18:24,893
Cheech and Chong!

1437
01:18:25,000 --> 01:18:26,524
Cheech and Chong!

1438
01:18:26,635 --> 01:18:28,296
Cheech and Chong!

1439
01:18:28,404 --> 01:18:30,304
Cheech and Chong!

1440
01:18:30,406 --> 01:18:31,930
Cheech and Chong!

1441
01:19:46,715 --> 01:19:47,943
Cheech and Chong!

1442
01:19:48,050 --> 01:19:49,449
Cheech and Chong!

1443
01:19:49,551 --> 01:19:51,143
Cheech and Chong!

1444
01:19:51,253 --> 01:19:52,811
Cheech and Chong!

1445
01:21:22,778 --> 01:21:24,336
- Ah.
- Oh, fuck.

1446
01:21:24,446 --> 01:21:26,380
This place is a trip, man.

1447
01:21:28,317 --> 01:21:29,944
Wow.

1448
01:21:30,052 --> 01:21:31,280
Ah.

1449
01:21:31,386 --> 01:21:33,513
San Antonio, man. I didn't
know I had so many cousins.

1450
01:21:33,622 --> 01:21:34,782
Oh, Jimmy.

1451
01:21:34,890 --> 01:21:35,822
Ooh, where'd you get that?

1452
01:21:35,924 --> 01:21:38,222
- Had my eye on it.

1453
01:21:38,327 --> 01:21:40,557
- Those yo-yos in the balcony threw it down.
- They threw it?

1454
01:21:40,662 --> 01:21:42,323
- And it made it all the way here?
- Yeah.

1455
01:21:42,431 --> 01:21:43,489
Way to go.

1456
01:21:43,599 --> 01:21:45,260
- Did you hear them yelling?
- Yeah.

1457
01:21:45,367 --> 01:21:48,632
When you were--
You were pretending to smoke a joint

1458
01:21:48,737 --> 01:21:49,863
and they were trying to help you out.

1459
01:21:49,972 --> 01:21:52,167
"Hey, here, smoke a real one."

1460
01:21:52,274 --> 01:21:54,037
No, I just heard what the guy said

1461
01:21:54,142 --> 01:21:56,838
when I was doing old man
in the park and you died.

1462
01:21:56,945 --> 01:22:00,142
"Run! Run!"

1463
01:22:00,248 --> 01:22:01,613
Good audience, man.

1464
01:22:01,717 --> 01:22:03,617
Good dope.

1465
01:22:03,719 --> 01:22:05,311
- Free.
- Good fans. Thank you.

1466
01:22:05,420 --> 01:22:07,513
- Where we going?
- I don't know. Next city.

1467
01:22:07,623 --> 01:22:09,250
- Where is that?
- I don't know.

1468
01:22:09,358 --> 01:22:10,723
I think it's still in Texas.

1469
01:22:10,826 --> 01:22:12,316
Let's go to the party.

1470
01:22:12,427 --> 01:22:14,452
- All right.
- What time's the party?

1471
01:22:14,563 --> 01:22:16,155
- Party's now.
- Where's the party?

1472
01:22:16,264 --> 01:22:18,061
In your mouth. Everybody's coming.

1473
01:22:18,166 --> 01:22:21,567
- Oh, that's so funny.
- Hey, which way? Come on, man.

1474
01:22:21,670 --> 01:22:23,968
I don't know, man. Ow. Fuck.

1475
01:22:24,072 --> 01:22:25,437
Look. Hey, there's a door.

1476
01:22:25,540 --> 01:22:26,939
Well, there's no door handle.

1477
01:22:27,042 --> 01:22:28,566
Well, open it, man.

1478
01:22:28,677 --> 01:22:30,076
There's no door handle.

1479
01:22:30,178 --> 01:22:32,544
Stick your dick in it.
Use it as a crowbar.

1480
01:22:32,648 --> 01:22:34,548
- Hello!

1481
01:22:34,650 --> 01:22:36,447
- Hey!
- Hey, we're locked in here!

1482
01:22:36,551 --> 01:22:38,678
- Hello!
- Hey, quit banging, man.

1483
01:22:38,787 --> 01:22:40,812
- I'm trying to hear.
- Well, excuse me.

1484
01:22:40,922 --> 01:22:42,753
- Okay.
- Okay, put your head right up next to it.

1485
01:22:42,858 --> 01:22:46,157
- Hey! Hey! Hey!

1486
01:22:46,261 --> 01:22:48,195
Okay, this isn't funny anymore.

1487
01:22:48,296 --> 01:22:50,958
- Hello! Hey, we're locked in here!
- Hey!

1488
01:22:51,066 --> 01:22:52,693
It's Cheech and Chong!