1
00:00:01,920 --> 00:00:07,258
<i>♪ Christmas, Christmas ♪</i>

2
00:00:07,342 --> 00:00:11,012
<i>♪ Christmas ♪</i>

3
00:00:11,095 --> 00:00:15,600
<i>♪ Well, it's Christmas time,
pretty baby ♪</i>

4
00:00:15,683 --> 00:00:17,852
<i>♪ And the snow is falling on the ground ♪</i>

5
00:00:17,936 --> 00:00:22,190
<i>♪ Christmas, Christmas ♪</i>

6
00:00:22,273 --> 00:00:26,611
<i>♪ Well, it's Christmas time,
pretty baby ♪</i>

7
00:00:26,694 --> 00:00:28,571
<i>♪ And the snow is on the ground ♪</i>

8
00:00:28,655 --> 00:00:33,034
<i>♪ Christmas, Christmas ♪</i>

9
00:00:33,117 --> 00:00:37,121
<i>♪ Well, you be a real good little girl ♪</i>

10
00:00:37,205 --> 00:00:39,332
<i>♪ Santa Claus is back in town ♪</i>

11
00:00:39,415 --> 00:00:44,546
<i>♪ Christmas, Christmas ♪</i>

12
00:00:44,629 --> 00:00:48,424
<i>♪ Got no sleigh with reindeer
No sack on my back ♪</i>

13
00:00:49,551 --> 00:00:53,137
<i>♪ You're gonna see me comin'
In a big black Cadillac ♪</i>

14
00:00:53,221 --> 00:00:56,891
<i>♪ Whoa, it's Christmas time,
pretty baby ♪</i>

15
00:00:56,975 --> 00:00:59,269
<i>♪ And the snow is falling on the ground ♪</i>

16
00:00:59,352 --> 00:01:03,565
<i>♪ Christmas, Christmas ♪</i>

17
00:01:03,648 --> 00:01:10,154
<i>♪ Well, you be a real good little baby
Santa Claus is back in town ♪</i>

18
00:01:10,238 --> 00:01:11,531
<i>♪ Christmas ♪</i>

19
00:01:11,614 --> 00:01:13,616
- What the fuck?

20
00:01:13,700 --> 00:01:15,368
- [yells in foreign language]
- [arguing, indistinctly]

21
00:01:15,451 --> 00:01:18,705
<i>♪ Hang up your pretty stockings
And turn off the light ♪</i>

22
00:01:18,788 --> 00:01:21,583
- [speaks in foreign language]
- [blabbers]

23
00:01:21,666 --> 00:01:24,377
<i>♪ Down your chimney tonight
Ooh ♪</i>

24
00:01:24,460 --> 00:01:27,171
You think I want this piece of shit?
Fuck you!

25
00:01:27,255 --> 00:01:30,425
<i>♪ And the snow is falling on the ground ♪</i>

26
00:01:33,595 --> 00:01:36,973
<i>- ♪ Well, you be</i> a <i>real good little baby ♪
- Hey, hey, hey!</i>

27
00:01:37,056 --> 00:01:38,766
- Get away!
- FUCK you!

28
00:01:38,850 --> 00:01:40,518
[head valet] Horny drunk!

29
00:01:40,602 --> 00:01:46,983
<i>♪ Christmas, Christmas, Christmas ♪</i>

30
00:01:47,066 --> 00:01:51,654
<i>♪ Christmas, Christmas ♪</i>

31
00:01:51,738 --> 00:01:53,197
<i>[Willie] Let's just say my whole life</i>

32
00:01:53,281 --> 00:01:56,951
<i>has been one long fucking
miserable nightmare most of the time.</i>

33
00:01:57,035 --> 00:01:59,495
<i>And pure shit on a good day.</i>

34
00:01:59,579 --> 00:02:00,913
[whispers] Goddamn it.

35
00:02:00,997 --> 00:02:04,042
<i>[Willie] Yeah, I guess there have been</i>
a <i>few dull bright spots here and there.</i>

36
00:02:04,125 --> 00:02:05,126
[whispers] Fuck it.

37
00:02:05,209 --> 00:02:06,878
<i>Like a piece of ass
who didn't look me in the eye</i>

38
00:02:06,961 --> 00:02:09,589
<i>or wanna show me pictures
of her fucking vacation.</i>

39
00:02:09,672 --> 00:02:13,092
<i>Or a good drunk
when I didn't choke on my own vomit.</i>

40
00:02:13,176 --> 00:02:15,720
<i>- Ah!
- I even almost had</i> a <i>friend once.</i>

41
00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:18,306
<i>Sure, he was a mouth-breathing,
snot dripping 8-year-old</i>

42
00:02:18,389 --> 00:02:20,642
<i>who couldn't find his fat ass
with both hands,</i>

43
00:02:20,725 --> 00:02:22,226
<i>but he was clueless enough to think</i>

44
00:02:22,310 --> 00:02:25,980
<i>I wasn't the worthless piece of shit
everybody else thinks I am.</i>

45
00:02:26,064 --> 00:02:27,357
<i>Including me.</i>

46
00:02:29,025 --> 00:02:33,571
<i>I also found what was the closest thing
I ever had to an actual girlfriend.</i>

47
00:02:33,655 --> 00:02:38,368
<i>She liked the job I had at the time,
especially while I was in uniform.</i>

48
00:02:38,451 --> 00:02:41,287
<i>Sounds like a happy ending, don't it?</i>

49
00:02:41,371 --> 00:02:42,413
<i>- But,</i> you see...
- [unzips pants]

50
00:02:42,497 --> 00:02:44,916
<i>...you can only puke in somebody's lap
so many time♪</i>

51
00:02:44,999 --> 00:02:47,251
<i>before the romance takes a shit.</i>

52
00:02:48,419 --> 00:02:51,839
<i>And the kid,
he still creeps around every now and then</i>

53
00:02:51,923 --> 00:02:53,341
<i>and I still chase him off.</i>

54
00:02:53,424 --> 00:02:55,218
<i>For his own good.</i>

55
00:02:56,219 --> 00:02:59,597
<i>So you see, happy endings are bullshit.</i>

56
00:02:59,681 --> 00:03:02,517
<i>Actually, there aren't such things
as endings at all,</i>

57
00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:04,394
<i>because when some shit gets over with,</i>

58
00:03:04,477 --> 00:03:07,438
<i>some other whole thing starts
that sucks ass.</i>

59
00:03:09,065 --> 00:03:10,650
<i>Merry fucking Christmas.</i>

60
00:03:10,733 --> 00:03:12,110
[scoffs]

61
00:03:13,236 --> 00:03:14,362
[remote control thuds]

62
00:03:17,407 --> 00:03:23,162
<i>♪ Oh, there's no place like home
For the holidays ♪</i>

63
00:03:23,246 --> 00:03:27,709
<i>♪ 'Cause no matter
how far away you roam ♪</i>

64
00:03:30,753 --> 00:03:36,843
<i>♪ When you pine for the sunshine
Of a friendly gaze ♪</i>

65
00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:42,598
<i>♪ For the holidays
You can't beat home sweet home ♪</i>

66
00:03:44,392 --> 00:03:49,731
<i>♪ I met a man who lives in Tennessee ♪</i>

67
00:03:49,814 --> 00:03:54,777
<i>♪ And he was headin' for Pennsylvania ♪</i>

68
00:03:54,861 --> 00:03:58,406
<i>♪ And some homemade pumpkin pie ♪</i>

69
00:04:00,199 --> 00:04:04,746
<i>♪ From Pennsylvania folks are traveling ♪</i>

70
00:04:04,829 --> 00:04:08,791
<i>♪ Down to Dixie's sunny shore ♪</i>

71
00:04:08,875 --> 00:04:12,670
<i>- ♪ From Atlantic to Pacific ♪
[gulps]</i>

72
00:04:12,754 --> 00:04:15,965
<i>♪ Gee, the traffic is terrific ♪</i>

73
00:04:16,048 --> 00:04:18,926
Goddamn it.

74
00:04:19,010 --> 00:04:24,474
<i>♪ Oh, there's no place like home
For the holidays ♪</i>

75
00:04:26,976 --> 00:04:28,770
<i>♪ For the holidays ♪</i>

76
00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:33,149
<i>♪ You can't beat home sweet home ♪</i>

77
00:04:34,442 --> 00:04:36,611
[sighs deeply]

78
00:04:38,863 --> 00:04:41,491
- [grunts, gags]
- [knocking on door]

79
00:04:41,574 --> 00:04:45,244
- [Thurman] Willie?
- [knocks on door]

80
00:04:45,328 --> 00:04:49,832
- Willie? It's me, Thurman.
- [Willie gagging]

81
00:04:49,916 --> 00:04:54,337
Willie, what are you doing?
Did you get yourself stuck up there?

82
00:04:56,130 --> 00:04:57,965
- [grunts]
'[groans]

83
00:04:58,049 --> 00:05:02,094
Okay, I'll go. But this package
came to my house for you, Willie.

84
00:05:02,178 --> 00:05:04,806
There's a lot of money in it.
And a phone.

85
00:05:04,889 --> 00:05:05,973
And a note.

86
00:05:09,018 --> 00:05:10,061
What? Chair!

87
00:05:11,395 --> 00:05:13,439
- Chair?
- Chair!

88
00:05:14,190 --> 00:05:15,191
Chair.

89
00:05:15,858 --> 00:05:17,318
Give me the goddamn chair.

90
00:05:19,570 --> 00:05:21,739
- Willie, you fell.
- [Willie groans]

91
00:05:22,615 --> 00:05:26,661
Goddamn. Are you
a complete fucking retard?

92
00:05:26,744 --> 00:05:30,665
No. The Hungry Hoagies people tested me.
I'm top of the spectrum.

93
00:05:30,748 --> 00:05:32,917
So they made me
a full-time sandwich consultant.

94
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:36,504
- Well, I'm glad you followed your passion.
- What's that smell?

95
00:05:37,255 --> 00:05:40,132
Is the oven on?
Are you making Hot Pockets?

96
00:05:40,216 --> 00:05:42,301
We do hot sandwiches
at Hungry Hoagies now.

97
00:05:42,385 --> 00:05:44,637
But I always burn my hand
getting them out of oven.

98
00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:47,974
Darlene says I should put butter
on my hand, but that's stupid.

99
00:05:48,057 --> 00:05:51,185
We only put butter on food.
Hand isn't food.

100
00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:54,772
<i>♪ Merry Merry Christmas ♪</i>

101
00:05:56,566 --> 00:05:58,734
<i>♪ Christmas everywhere ♪</i>

102
00:06:01,195 --> 00:06:03,197
<i>♪ Merry Merry Christmas ♪</i>

103
00:06:03,281 --> 00:06:05,366
I know we left on bad terms.

104
00:06:05,449 --> 00:06:08,035
But you gotta understand,
it was only business.

105
00:06:08,119 --> 00:06:09,370
We were partners.

106
00:06:09,453 --> 00:06:11,998
And I broke that sacred bond.
It's not an excuse.

107
00:06:12,081 --> 00:06:13,958
But Lois got all up in my kitchen.

108
00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:17,712
Crazy bitch had me all turned around
with her magical Laotian pussy.

109
00:06:17,795 --> 00:06:21,966
- Don't blame it on the snapper.
- I was pussy-blind. I'm ashamed.

110
00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:25,094
You tried to murder me, you little prick.
Remember that?

111
00:06:25,177 --> 00:06:27,346
And not with some
little nubbin-dick gun,

112
00:06:27,597 --> 00:06:29,682
but with adult
man-sized bullets.

113
00:06:29,765 --> 00:06:33,394
- And now I'm here to make it up to you.
- Why are you even out of the joint anyway?

114
00:06:33,477 --> 00:06:36,981
Some pity case
on account of you're a genetic defect?

115
00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:39,692
You know, they used to
sterilize guys like you.

116
00:06:39,775 --> 00:06:42,778
Keep the world from becoming
some Negro Land of Oz.

117
00:06:42,862 --> 00:06:46,032
Shut the fuck up!
Early release. Overcrowding.

118
00:06:46,115 --> 00:06:47,992
Well, it must've been packed to the gills

119
00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:50,620
if they couldn't cram
your three-foot ass in there.

120
00:06:50,703 --> 00:06:54,665
We got a job, Willie. That two grand
is just to show I'm serious.

121
00:06:54,749 --> 00:06:56,042
Can you still crack a safe?

122
00:06:56,125 --> 00:06:58,377
Or did you get carpal tunnel
from jacking off?

123
00:06:58,461 --> 00:07:02,340
- I can crack just fine, thanks.
- I'm talking millions this time.

124
00:07:04,717 --> 00:07:06,552
- Where at?
- Chi-Town.

125
00:07:06,636 --> 00:07:08,554
I thought you were all done
with the gooks.

126
00:07:09,555 --> 00:07:12,224
Chicago, you racist moron fuck!

127
00:07:12,308 --> 00:07:15,227
I got an associate out there
who has got this thing all lined up.

128
00:07:15,311 --> 00:07:18,439
- What associate?
- I'm not at liberty to disclose just yet.

129
00:07:18,522 --> 00:07:20,066
But they know your work.

130
00:07:20,149 --> 00:07:24,070
And they want to bring us in and put us up
in some fine-ass metropolitan digs

131
00:07:24,153 --> 00:07:25,655
and finance the whole operation.

132
00:07:26,447 --> 00:07:28,324
You're outta your fucking skull.

133
00:07:28,407 --> 00:07:30,534
What are you gonna do?
Try and kill yourself again?

134
00:07:30,618 --> 00:07:32,912
That's none of your
goddamn business what I do.

135
00:07:32,995 --> 00:07:34,872
Don't let the door hit you in the ass.

136
00:07:34,956 --> 00:07:37,792
Or I won't let it hit me in the ass.
Whatever the fuck it is.

137
00:07:37,875 --> 00:07:40,127
Did you
even score once while I was away?

138
00:07:40,670 --> 00:07:42,838
I'm talking two mil here.

139
00:07:42,922 --> 00:07:45,341
That's a lot of fat-ass bitches
and whiskey.

140
00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:48,302
Fuck you.

141
00:07:49,387 --> 00:07:51,973
Why do you have to go so soon?
We just got back together.

142
00:07:52,056 --> 00:07:54,058
Cut that shit out.
We're not back together.

143
00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:55,434
Guess you don't know what today is.

144
00:07:55,518 --> 00:07:58,604
[sighs] I don't even know
what fucking year it is, kid.

145
00:07:58,688 --> 00:08:00,564
It's my birthday.

146
00:08:00,648 --> 00:08:03,067
- Today is your fucking birthday?
- Uh-huh.

147
00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:05,236
I'm 21. Officially a man.

148
00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:09,198
Goddamn. You're 21 already.
That's creepy.

149
00:08:09,281 --> 00:08:12,451
- Are you still gonna pop my cherry?
- Am I gonna what?

150
00:08:13,494 --> 00:08:14,745
No! Fuck no!

151
00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:18,374
But you said that when I was 21
that you'd pop my cherry.

152
00:08:18,457 --> 00:08:21,377
I said I'd get it done by somebody else.

153
00:08:21,460 --> 00:08:25,089
Besides that, I'm a fucking guy.
You didn't turn funny, did you?

154
00:08:25,881 --> 00:08:27,466
Am I funny?

155
00:08:29,135 --> 00:08:31,470
So you haven't done it with anybody yet.

156
00:08:31,554 --> 00:08:34,849
Not a man or a woman
or an animal or anything.

157
00:08:34,932 --> 00:08:36,559
No, I waited for you.

158
00:08:36,642 --> 00:08:41,397
- But surely, you jerked off or...
- You mean masturbate, don't you?

159
00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:44,191
Well, if you wanna be scientific,
yeah, I guess so.

160
00:08:44,275 --> 00:08:45,276
My friend Ronnie says,

161
00:08:45,359 --> 00:08:47,653
it's when you play with your wiener
and think about your mother.

162
00:08:48,279 --> 00:08:51,115
I did it once, but it felt weird.

163
00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:54,452
She's in heaven with God,
you know. Watching me.

164
00:08:58,414 --> 00:09:00,583
[car honking]

165
00:09:04,003 --> 00:09:08,174
Okay, so here's how it's gonna go down.
He's already asked me where his cherry is.

166
00:09:08,257 --> 00:09:10,676
So you could tell him
to put his dick in your purse

167
00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:12,720
and he wouldn't know
any fucking difference.

168
00:09:12,803 --> 00:09:14,889
It's gonna be the easiest 20 bucks
you ever made.

169
00:09:14,972 --> 00:09:17,641
Twenty bucks? [scoffs]

170
00:09:17,725 --> 00:09:19,727
You must be high
on some strong shit, Willie.

171
00:09:19,810 --> 00:09:23,105
A hundred. Or I'm gonna carry my ass
outta this old piece of a room right now.

172
00:09:23,189 --> 00:09:25,649
All right.
Fifty, or I'll just go get your mother.

173
00:09:26,859 --> 00:09:27,860
Sixty.

174
00:09:28,652 --> 00:09:29,653
All right.

175
00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:32,323
And nothing up my ass.
You done took all that, Willie.

176
00:09:32,406 --> 00:09:33,449
[softly] Okay.

177
00:09:33,532 --> 00:09:36,452
Well, let's get to it.
I gotta pick up my grandson from ballet.

178
00:09:36,535 --> 00:09:38,913
- Can I fix you a sandwich?
- [chuckles] No.

179
00:09:38,996 --> 00:09:41,832
- I got your sandwich, baby.
- Willie, I made you a sandwich.

180
00:09:41,916 --> 00:09:44,835
I ain't sticking around.
Just give it to Opal after.

181
00:09:44,919 --> 00:09:46,420
Now, listen, here's how it works.

182
00:09:46,504 --> 00:09:49,673
She's gonna pull her rig off.
And she's gonna get on all fours.

183
00:09:49,757 --> 00:09:53,010
Now, you stand behind her
and drop your rig.

184
00:09:53,094 --> 00:09:56,847
Then, you're gonna see something that
looks like some kind of Japanese food.

185
00:09:56,931 --> 00:10:00,017
It ain't, so don't eat it.
That's the bulls-eye.

186
00:10:00,101 --> 00:10:02,770
Then you just start tugging
on your little soldier.

187
00:10:02,853 --> 00:10:05,397
Wait till he gets to attention,
then poke him in there.

188
00:10:05,481 --> 00:10:08,025
Keep poking it in there till he spits up.

189
00:10:08,109 --> 00:10:09,276
[Willie] You're gonna need a raincoat.

190
00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:11,737
She'll have one,
so don't worry about that.

191
00:10:11,821 --> 00:10:15,241
As soon as you're done,
run to the bathroom, wash your crotch.

192
00:10:15,324 --> 00:10:18,661
That way, you don't wake up wondering
why you got oatmeal in your carpet.

193
00:10:18,744 --> 00:10:21,205
Breathe through your mouth
so that you don't puke.

194
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:24,875
Shouldn't be a problem for you.
You got it?

195
00:10:24,959 --> 00:10:27,419
- [whispers] You got 60 bucks?
- No.

196
00:10:27,503 --> 00:10:29,338
- What you got?
- I have $20.

197
00:10:29,421 --> 00:10:30,756
Keep it down.

198
00:10:31,549 --> 00:10:35,177
- [whispers] I have 20.
- Give it to her after.

199
00:10:35,261 --> 00:10:36,679
[car honking]

200
00:10:36,762 --> 00:10:38,889
- Later, Opal.
- Mm-hmm.

201
00:10:38,973 --> 00:10:40,683
Come on, baby. Come on.

202
00:10:40,766 --> 00:10:43,978
Get a bite of this pumpernickel bread.

203
00:10:45,062 --> 00:10:47,606
Damn it, Willie. Hurry up!
We're gonna miss our train.

204
00:10:47,690 --> 00:10:50,025
You see me walking backwards, asshole?
I'm coming.

205
00:10:50,985 --> 00:10:53,445
[Opal] Kid, get over here
and take your pants off.

206
00:10:53,529 --> 00:10:55,281
[Thurman] No!

207
00:10:55,364 --> 00:10:56,699
[door closes]

208
00:10:58,075 --> 00:11:00,661
- Ah, fuck.
- [engine accelerates]

209
00:11:00,744 --> 00:11:04,165
<i>♪ Sleigh bells ring
Are you listening? ♪</i>

210
00:11:04,248 --> 00:11:08,043
<i>♪ In the lane snow is glistening ♪</i>

211
00:11:08,127 --> 00:11:12,339
<i>♪ A beautiful sight
We're happy tonight ♪</i>

212
00:11:12,423 --> 00:11:15,509
<i>♪ Walking in a winter wonderland ♪</i>

213
00:11:15,593 --> 00:11:22,224
<i>♪ Gone away is the bluebird
In his place is a new bird ♪</i>

214
00:11:22,308 --> 00:11:24,226
Here's your ID.

215
00:11:27,146 --> 00:11:30,232
- "Randall Cook"?
- What the fuck wrong with that?

216
00:11:30,316 --> 00:11:32,526
Randall sounds Irish.
I want something whiter.

217
00:11:32,610 --> 00:11:35,613
I'm Davis, you're Cook.
End of fucking story.

218
00:11:35,696 --> 00:11:38,616
You got one job this time. Open a safe.

219
00:11:38,699 --> 00:11:42,453
Till then, just keep your drunken
deviant fucking mouth shut.

220
00:11:43,704 --> 00:11:46,081
You know what you need?
You need some pussy.

221
00:11:46,165 --> 00:11:48,542
I'll see if I can find you
a cat somewhere.

222
00:11:54,715 --> 00:11:56,300
Put that shit away.

223
00:11:58,135 --> 00:12:00,679
[Willie] "Giving City Foundation.

224
00:12:00,763 --> 00:12:03,307
Bringing food and shelter
to those in need."

225
00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:05,935
Hold the fucking phone.

226
00:12:06,018 --> 00:12:09,730
I traveled all the way across the country
to rob a goddamn charity?

227
00:12:09,813 --> 00:12:11,440
Why? You got a problem with that?

228
00:12:11,523 --> 00:12:13,609
Yeah, you damn right
I got a problem with it.

229
00:12:15,611 --> 00:12:17,571
No way these assholes
have 2 million bucks.

230
00:12:17,655 --> 00:12:20,282
Will you keep it down, man. Moron.

231
00:12:21,075 --> 00:12:22,201
[softly] I don't know.

232
00:12:22,284 --> 00:12:25,663
["Joy to the World" playing]

233
00:12:25,746 --> 00:12:29,291
- I see they made you some chairs already.
- Fuck you.

234
00:12:34,296 --> 00:12:37,049
He's Cook. I'm Davis.
We're here for the orientation.

235
00:12:37,967 --> 00:12:41,178
Empty your pockets.
Place any metal items in the tray.

236
00:12:42,972 --> 00:12:44,723
[thudding]

237
00:12:44,848 --> 00:12:47,184
- [sloshes]
- What's that?

238
00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:50,271
- Cough medicine.
- Let me see that.

239
00:12:54,191 --> 00:12:55,192
[guard sniffs]

240
00:12:55,901 --> 00:12:59,280
That's a level three contraband.
I'm gonna have to compensate that.

241
00:12:59,363 --> 00:13:00,864
The fuck you are.

242
00:13:00,948 --> 00:13:04,785
All right, big shot.
You can stay out here with your GD flask.

243
00:13:04,868 --> 00:13:07,913
- We'll get it on the way out.
- Gina!

244
00:13:07,997 --> 00:13:09,832
[guard] Show these boys to the line-up.
They're late.

245
00:13:09,915 --> 00:13:12,293
Meeting started ten minutes ago.

246
00:13:12,376 --> 00:13:14,753
But I think I can sneak you guys in.
Come on.

247
00:13:17,548 --> 00:13:19,758
["Joy to the World" playing]

248
00:13:28,183 --> 00:13:32,021
- Hey, Diane! I got two more.
- Come on in, fellas.

249
00:13:32,104 --> 00:13:34,606
- Goddamn.
- [Marcus] That's Diane Hastings.

250
00:13:34,690 --> 00:13:36,150
She and her husband run the joint.

251
00:13:36,233 --> 00:13:38,485
[Diane] So like I was saying,
finish filling out these forms

252
00:13:38,569 --> 00:13:41,363
and you can drop them off
at the front desk, please.

253
00:13:41,447 --> 00:13:44,241
And then, you can go to the common room
and pick up your uniforms.

254
00:13:44,325 --> 00:13:47,077
I bet that pussy got lips
like an orangutan.

255
00:13:48,871 --> 00:13:52,750
- Excuse me, Mr...
- Um, Cook. Randall Cook.

256
00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:55,711
- What's up?
- Have you been drinking?

257
00:13:56,754 --> 00:13:59,465
Uh, I don't know. Some vodka...

258
00:13:59,548 --> 00:14:02,760
Because we don't allow alcohol
or drugs of any kind at Giving City.

259
00:14:02,843 --> 00:14:03,927
Why's that?

260
00:14:04,011 --> 00:14:08,390
You may not be aware of this, Mr. Cook,
but we're a charity.

261
00:14:08,474 --> 00:14:10,434
When you walk out those doors,
you're representing us.

262
00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:14,438
- So please try and make us look good.
- Oh, we'll make you look great.

263
00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:16,607
- [Marcus] Promise.
- Yeah.

264
00:14:17,941 --> 00:14:19,151
[Willie] Mmm.

265
00:14:20,694 --> 00:14:21,695
A hard-on?

266
00:14:21,779 --> 00:14:23,113
[Marcus] You sick fuck.

267
00:14:23,197 --> 00:14:25,240
I'm the one that's been in prison
for ten years.

268
00:14:25,324 --> 00:14:27,743
It's just a semi.
Don't get all bent out of shape.

269
00:14:27,826 --> 00:14:29,411
Shut the fuck up.

270
00:14:29,495 --> 00:14:31,288
Ho, ho, ho. What's up, Santas?

271
00:14:31,372 --> 00:14:32,748
Hey, don't forget to remind people,

272
00:14:32,831 --> 00:14:35,250
if they don't have cash,
they can always text in their donation.

273
00:14:35,334 --> 00:14:37,378
Give me some. Yeah.

274
00:14:37,461 --> 00:14:39,671
Hey, Di. Is it the midget
that's fully proportional?

275
00:14:39,755 --> 00:14:41,215
- Or is it the dwarf?
- [Diane whispers] Regent.

276
00:14:41,298 --> 00:14:42,383
- What?
- You can't say that word.

277
00:14:42,466 --> 00:14:44,468
Hey, I'm gonna be home
late again tonight.

278
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:46,512
End-of-the-year accounting stuff. [scoffs]

279
00:14:46,595 --> 00:14:48,305
See you, babe.

280
00:14:49,139 --> 00:14:50,766
[woman] Thank you
for helping us out again.

281
00:14:50,849 --> 00:14:52,684
Goddamn it.

282
00:14:52,768 --> 00:14:54,395
Sir? This way, please.

283
00:14:54,478 --> 00:14:56,814
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it.
Don't be touching me.

284
00:14:56,897 --> 00:14:59,358
- Merry Christmas.
- Yeah, whatever.

285
00:14:59,441 --> 00:15:00,776
Lying little fuck.

286
00:15:00,859 --> 00:15:03,362
You didn't tell me I'd have to get
in the fucking suit again.

287
00:15:03,445 --> 00:15:07,282
I thought it would be a bonus.
And I just wanna remind you of something.

288
00:15:07,366 --> 00:15:10,702
It's Christmas.
A time for forgiveness. For family.

289
00:15:10,786 --> 00:15:12,579
I'm gonna remind you to fuck yourself.

290
00:15:12,663 --> 00:15:15,374
Ronald Davis.
I was told you have a suit to fit me.

291
00:15:15,457 --> 00:15:18,460
Oh, yes. I have it right here.

292
00:15:19,461 --> 00:15:23,424
No. I need a Santa suit.
This is an elf suit.

293
00:15:23,507 --> 00:15:25,134
I'm supposed to be a Santa.

294
00:15:25,217 --> 00:15:28,762
Oh, sorry about the confusion.
That's all we have in your size.

295
00:15:28,846 --> 00:15:35,185
Uh, I do have a gingerbread man costume
in a child's large, if you prefer.

296
00:15:35,269 --> 00:15:36,770
I guess there is a God.

297
00:15:36,854 --> 00:15:38,730
[woman] Step right up. Don't be shy.

298
00:15:38,814 --> 00:15:42,860
Shitstick! What's it been?
Fifteen years? Twen...

299
00:15:45,195 --> 00:15:50,409
Well, one thing hasn't changed.
You still hit like your fucking father.

300
00:15:50,492 --> 00:15:54,037
Fucking associate. No goddamn way.

301
00:15:54,121 --> 00:15:55,456
[chuckles]

302
00:15:55,539 --> 00:15:58,584
Not working with that poison bitch.
Never again.

303
00:15:58,667 --> 00:16:00,794
You tricked me, you little shithole!

304
00:16:00,878 --> 00:16:02,087
You know fucking well you did.

305
00:16:02,171 --> 00:16:04,381
But I thought your dad
was the one you hated.

306
00:16:04,465 --> 00:16:08,010
I hate him more than anything
in the goddamn world! Except her.

307
00:16:08,093 --> 00:16:09,720
[siren wailing]

308
00:16:09,803 --> 00:16:11,680
[Marcus] Willie, stop! Willie!

309
00:16:12,764 --> 00:16:15,726
Okay, shitstick, just give me back
the money for the train ticket,

310
00:16:15,809 --> 00:16:16,894
then we're square.

311
00:16:16,977 --> 00:16:20,856
Or you could do your dumb-ass self a favor,
at least hear me out before you quit.

312
00:16:25,777 --> 00:16:28,405
[Sunny] Boy, you been selling
your blood for booze?

313
00:16:28,572 --> 00:16:32,117
You look like a fucking albino scarecrow.

314
00:16:32,201 --> 00:16:35,579
Anyway, still good to see you.

315
00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:37,831
Uh, I can't say I feel the same.

316
00:16:39,875 --> 00:16:42,336
Goddamn, what a shit hole.

317
00:16:42,419 --> 00:16:45,130
You conned me, you little prick.

318
00:16:45,214 --> 00:16:48,091
Make yourselves at home.
Bedroom's mine.

319
00:16:48,175 --> 00:16:51,929
That sofa folds out,
so you guys can fight over that.

320
00:16:52,012 --> 00:16:53,180
I got chicken feet in the fridge.

321
00:16:53,931 --> 00:16:57,976
- So that's what smells like nut sack.
- Boy, have a beer.

322
00:16:59,353 --> 00:17:02,940
- I even got minis for the midget.
- Don't you ever fucking call me that.

323
00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:06,568
Hey, listen, little man,
I don't speak politically correct,

324
00:17:06,652 --> 00:17:10,072
so if you got a problem with that,
you take it up with the Lollipop Guild.

325
00:17:10,155 --> 00:17:13,742
Shut the hell up!
Just break it down for him, Sunny.

326
00:17:13,825 --> 00:17:16,119
[Sunny] I'll break it down, all right.

327
00:17:16,203 --> 00:17:19,414
Giving City is a charity
at 98 cents every dollar

328
00:17:19,498 --> 00:17:21,333
goes to this A-hole at the top.

329
00:17:21,416 --> 00:17:22,918
Regent Hastings.

330
00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:26,088
He takes in tens of thousands
in donations,

331
00:17:26,171 --> 00:17:28,715
and he squirrels them away
in an offshore account.

332
00:17:28,799 --> 00:17:33,262
- And how are you supposed to get it?
- You mean, how are we supposed to get it?

333
00:17:33,345 --> 00:17:37,724
These little buckets here,
they're filled with cash,

334
00:17:37,808 --> 00:17:39,351
up to the brim, every day.

335
00:17:39,434 --> 00:17:43,855
And then at night, they store that cash
in the safe in Regent's office.

336
00:17:43,939 --> 00:17:47,150
And that's our target. Right here.

337
00:17:47,234 --> 00:17:49,570
Christmas Eve,
they have a big charity concert.

338
00:17:49,653 --> 00:17:51,822
So while the kids and volunteers
are all singing,

339
00:17:51,905 --> 00:17:55,033
the money's just sitting there,
waiting for an armored transfer.

340
00:17:55,117 --> 00:17:59,538
That's our take window.
Last year, the haul was almost 2 mil.

341
00:17:59,621 --> 00:18:02,958
- And how do you know all this shit?
- Because I work there, dumb-ass.

342
00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:05,627
It's a part of my release from the joint.
I've been there 3 months.

343
00:18:05,711 --> 00:18:07,963
Just did a little digging,
a little Googling,

344
00:18:08,046 --> 00:18:11,216
a dry hand job to Isaac
in Accounting. Boom.

345
00:18:11,300 --> 00:18:13,218
The concert's in five days.

346
00:18:13,302 --> 00:18:16,138
Meantime, we wear the suit,
hit the pavement,

347
00:18:16,221 --> 00:18:18,307
we ring the bell,
just like the rest of the volunteers.

348
00:18:18,390 --> 00:18:19,641
[Willie] All right.

349
00:18:19,725 --> 00:18:23,186
Well, it looks to me like you jackals
already got the whole job figured out.

350
00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:26,064
What do you need me for?
You can crack a fucking safe.

351
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:29,234
Well, I'd like to say
it's because I've missed you, my angel.

352
00:18:29,318 --> 00:18:32,779
But I got a touch of the Parkinson's
and my hearing ain't what it used to be,

353
00:18:32,863 --> 00:18:34,698
so I'm gonna need you on the safe.

354
00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:36,908
Mmm.

355
00:18:36,992 --> 00:18:40,537
And when do you pull your little
Roy Rogers pistol out on me again?

356
00:18:40,621 --> 00:18:43,665
I said I was sorry.
You gotta let that shit go, Willie!

357
00:18:43,749 --> 00:18:45,667
No, I think I'll hang on to it.

358
00:18:45,751 --> 00:18:47,294
[Sunny] Oh, Christ.

359
00:18:47,377 --> 00:18:49,963
If I cut ties with every numbnut
who tried to shoot me,

360
00:18:50,380 --> 00:18:51,173
I never would've gotten pregnant with you.

361
00:18:51,923 --> 00:18:55,927
[Sunny] Come on, boy.
Be just like old times.

362
00:18:56,011 --> 00:18:57,638
- Old times?
- Mm-hmm.

363
00:18:57,721 --> 00:19:01,224
You mean a living fucking nightmare?
Why didn't you say so? I'm in.

364
00:19:02,017 --> 00:19:04,603
You gotta be shitting me.
Good luck with the shakes.

365
00:19:04,686 --> 00:19:08,649
Willie, come on.
Just give it a chance. [sighs]

366
00:19:08,732 --> 00:19:10,108
[door closes]

367
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,115
[gate creaks]

368
00:19:17,199 --> 00:19:19,660
What, you don't trust your mother?

369
00:19:19,743 --> 00:19:22,120
Yeah, I trust her
about as far as I can throw you.

370
00:19:22,204 --> 00:19:24,539
And I trust you
about as far as I can throw her.

371
00:19:24,623 --> 00:19:26,249
Come on, Willie, I need this.

372
00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:29,878
And I know your sorry ass does too.
Look at you, man.

373
00:19:30,921 --> 00:19:34,007
[coughs]

374
00:19:41,264 --> 00:19:44,142
Okay, if you want me in on this,
it's you and me against her.

375
00:19:44,226 --> 00:19:45,644
You got it?

376
00:19:45,727 --> 00:19:49,189
She don't get a fucking nickel
of what's in that safe. Get me?

377
00:19:49,272 --> 00:19:52,859
- We'll cut her out after the grab.
- Damn right.

378
00:19:54,486 --> 00:19:55,946
[door closes]

379
00:20:00,075 --> 00:20:04,788
I knew you couldn't stay away.
You always were your mama's boy.

380
00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:07,457
You just pipe down
about the family stuff, okay?

381
00:20:07,541 --> 00:20:09,835
I'm in this for the dough, period.
You get me?

382
00:20:09,918 --> 00:20:12,671
Well, it's starting to feel
like Christmas.

383
00:20:12,754 --> 00:20:14,089
[bell ringing]

384
00:20:14,172 --> 00:20:16,383
Spare some change.

385
00:20:16,466 --> 00:20:19,261
Think about somebody
besides your fucking selves.

386
00:20:19,344 --> 00:20:21,972
We gotta get eyes on that safe.
Need to know the make.

387
00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:24,599
Now you're asking
the right questions, shitstick.

388
00:20:24,683 --> 00:20:26,727
The trash chute's the best way in.

389
00:20:26,810 --> 00:20:28,478
I'm gonna need a hand
getting into position.

390
00:20:28,562 --> 00:20:31,273
Recon. Good. We'll go tonight.

391
00:20:32,399 --> 00:20:34,568
Look at those cheeks!

392
00:20:34,651 --> 00:20:36,069
[chuckles]

393
00:20:36,153 --> 00:20:38,613
That's the ugliest fucking baby
on the planet.

394
00:20:38,697 --> 00:20:41,324
- I guess the abortion didn't take.
- [chuckles]

395
00:20:41,408 --> 00:20:45,829
Well, bless your heart.
Cheap little fucker.

396
00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:47,873
Fucking dimes? Are you shitting me?

397
00:20:47,956 --> 00:20:50,959
- This ain't no strip joint.
- What a fucking Sokes family.

398
00:20:51,042 --> 00:20:53,670
[Marcus] This is what happens
when you screw your cousins.

399
00:20:53,754 --> 00:20:55,839
I taught this muskrat everything he knows.

400
00:20:55,922 --> 00:20:59,718
- Well, you don't know shit, then, do you?
- Hey, listen, before we had midget...

401
00:21:00,635 --> 00:21:03,638
Excuse me... little people, we had Willie.

402
00:21:03,722 --> 00:21:06,975
He was my original elf.
Remember those times, Willie?

403
00:21:07,058 --> 00:21:09,352
- There ain't enough booze to forget it.
- [chuckles]

404
00:21:09,436 --> 00:21:12,647
Well, he'd get panic attacks.
It was embarrassing.

405
00:21:12,731 --> 00:21:16,485
I had to make him stay outside
when I was turning a trick or bowling.

406
00:21:16,568 --> 00:21:19,404
Wait a fucking minute,
you were embarrassed?

407
00:21:19,488 --> 00:21:22,657
Isn't that kind of like the pot
calling the other cot a fuck kettle,

408
00:21:22,741 --> 00:21:24,451
- or whatever it was?
- What the fuck you say?

409
00:21:24,534 --> 00:21:26,912
[laughs] He's home-schooled.

410
00:21:26,995 --> 00:21:28,705
[Sunny laughing]

411
00:21:31,166 --> 00:21:32,709
I need a refill.

412
00:21:32,793 --> 00:21:36,505
- And another fucking corner.
- Stop it, Willie.

413
00:21:36,588 --> 00:21:39,341
What? We're gonna steal this shit
any fucking way. Who cares?

414
00:21:39,424 --> 00:21:42,219
But if we get fired,
we got no access to the building.

415
00:21:42,302 --> 00:21:45,472
And if we got no access to the building,
we got no access to the safe.

416
00:21:45,555 --> 00:21:47,265
And if we got no access to the safe,

417
00:21:47,349 --> 00:21:51,770
there's no reason for me to be standing
out here, freezing my fucking nuts off.

418
00:21:51,853 --> 00:21:53,313
You mean your nuts
haven't been scraped off

419
00:21:53,396 --> 00:21:55,899
because they're so low
to the ground already?

420
00:21:55,982 --> 00:21:57,943
You know every time you're passed out,

421
00:21:58,026 --> 00:22:00,403
I lay them on your forehead
and take a picture of it.

422
00:22:00,487 --> 00:22:03,573
I got a whole Instagram of that shit
of me tea-bagging you.

423
00:22:03,657 --> 00:22:07,160
Four thousand followers and counting,
motherfucker. Ha-ha!

424
00:22:07,244 --> 00:22:08,453
- [Sunny laughs]
- [bell rings]

425
00:22:08,537 --> 00:22:10,789
Well, knock yourselves out.
I'm getting the fuck out of here.

426
00:22:10,872 --> 00:22:13,041
Aw, come on,
we're having family time here.

427
00:22:13,124 --> 00:22:17,045
He's always been too goddamn soft.
Probably because he was born early.

428
00:22:17,128 --> 00:22:20,674
Hell, I didn't even know
I'd given birth until I tripped over him.

429
00:22:23,552 --> 00:22:25,220
[phone ringing]

430
00:22:26,137 --> 00:22:28,181
- Hello.
- Hi, Willie.

431
00:22:28,265 --> 00:22:29,808
Kid, how'd you get my number?

432
00:22:29,891 --> 00:22:31,226
[Thurman] <i>The cherry pop lady
gave it to me.</i>

433
00:22:31,309 --> 00:22:32,310
Oh, Jesus.

434
00:22:32,394 --> 00:22:35,105
I cleaned your apartment, Willie.
And I fed your insects.

435
00:22:35,188 --> 00:22:36,648
They're getting really big.

436
00:22:36,731 --> 00:22:38,233
[Thurman] <i>Do you want me to get you</i>
a <i>Christmas tree?</i>

437
00:22:38,316 --> 00:22:41,611
- What? Why would I want a tree?
- So we can spend Christmas together.

438
00:22:41,695 --> 00:22:43,321
<i>[Willie over</i> phone]
<i>I'm in fucking Chicago, kid.</i>

439
00:22:44,239 --> 00:22:45,824
So you're not coming back for Christmas?

440
00:22:45,907 --> 00:22:50,078
- No, I'm not coming home for Christmas.
- Chicago's in the Midwest, Willie.

441
00:22:50,161 --> 00:22:51,705
[Thurman]
<i>They have Hungry Hoagies there too.</i>

442
00:22:51,788 --> 00:22:53,874
Well, good.
I'll tell them you said hello, okay?

443
00:22:53,957 --> 00:22:56,084
Except I don't know anyone
at that Hungry Hoagies.

444
00:22:56,167 --> 00:22:58,378
All right, listen, you gotta quit
fucking calling me, okay?

445
00:22:58,461 --> 00:23:01,006
- You're burning my minutes.
- But what if it's an emergency?

446
00:23:01,089 --> 00:23:03,216
Fine! If it's an emergency,
call me, all right?

447
00:23:03,300 --> 00:23:05,343
Otherwise, leave me the fuck alone, okay?

448
00:23:05,427 --> 00:23:07,470
Okay. I'll only call if it's an emergency.

449
00:23:08,096 --> 00:23:08,555
<i>[Willie] Good deal.</i>

450
00:23:08,638 --> 00:23:10,307
- Bye.
- [phone snaps]

451
00:23:10,390 --> 00:23:13,226
[Andy Williams' "it's the Most Beautiful
Time of the Year" playing]

452
00:23:13,310 --> 00:23:19,357
<i>♪ It's the most wonderful time
of the year ♪</i>

453
00:23:19,441 --> 00:23:23,028
[Willie] Okay, feed the kids.
Come on. Give it up.

454
00:23:23,111 --> 00:23:25,280
You've seen them babies with beer bellies.

455
00:23:25,363 --> 00:23:29,242
Ho, ho! Come on, you got Jesus
and the lambikins watching over you,

456
00:23:29,326 --> 00:23:31,244
checking their list twice.

457
00:23:31,328 --> 00:23:33,538
Here you go, lady,
how about a little money?

458
00:23:33,622 --> 00:23:35,665
You know what,
you'd better hope the orphans don't riot.

459
00:23:35,749 --> 00:23:37,626
They'll eat your fat ass
right off the bat.

460
00:23:37,709 --> 00:23:40,754
You know, a lot of these kids
don't got any arms and legs and shit.

461
00:23:40,837 --> 00:23:42,631
You're lucky. See, ma'am?
Yours got all their parts.

462
00:23:42,714 --> 00:23:45,884
- [woman] There you go.
- There you go. Thank you. See you later.

463
00:23:45,967 --> 00:23:47,677
- Damn. Mama ain't bad.
- [Jolly Santa] Whoa!

464
00:23:47,761 --> 00:23:50,639
Whoa-ho-ho! My spot.

465
00:23:51,681 --> 00:23:53,391
You are standing on my spot.

466
00:23:53,475 --> 00:23:56,061
Really? That's funny, I don't see
your fucking name on it anywhere.

467
00:23:56,144 --> 00:23:58,355
Well, in fairness,
I did leave it unattended,

468
00:23:58,438 --> 00:24:01,775
but that's only because
I had to run off to the little boys' room.

469
00:24:01,858 --> 00:24:03,735
What are you,
a fucking game show host or something?

470
00:24:03,818 --> 00:24:06,321
- Dial it back a notch.
- But now I am back.

471
00:24:06,404 --> 00:24:08,823
- Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
- [bell rings]

472
00:24:08,907 --> 00:24:11,034
'Tis the season of giving!

473
00:24:11,117 --> 00:24:15,830
And if you don't have cash,
you can always text XMAS 999...

474
00:24:15,914 --> 00:24:19,209
Bullshit. No fucking way.
Fucking cash only.

475
00:24:19,292 --> 00:24:20,627
- Ten dollars or more.
- Okay.

476
00:24:20,710 --> 00:24:22,212
- Hundreds are better. What?
- [speaks indistinctly]

477
00:24:22,295 --> 00:24:24,965
I am going to have to ask you
to watch your language

478
00:24:25,048 --> 00:24:26,675
when you're representing the suit.

479
00:24:26,758 --> 00:24:29,636
And I'm going to have to ask you
to suck my fucking dick.

480
00:24:29,719 --> 00:24:30,804
I'm warning you.

481
00:24:30,887 --> 00:24:35,558
Nothing and no one is getting in the way
of me spreading my joy!

482
00:24:35,642 --> 00:24:36,851
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!

483
00:24:36,935 --> 00:24:39,104
You know what,
I think you're some kind of pervert

484
00:24:39,187 --> 00:24:42,190
and you're afraid I'm muscling in
on your fucking fondle territory.

485
00:24:42,273 --> 00:24:46,194
- That's what I think.
- I see what's going on here. Yes, I see.

486
00:24:46,277 --> 00:24:48,071
- You are hurting inside.
- Is that right?

487
00:24:48,154 --> 00:24:50,198
And there's only one thing
that can change that.

488
00:24:50,281 --> 00:24:52,242
- Yeah? What's that?
- A hug.

489
00:24:52,325 --> 00:24:54,369
- Are you out of your goddamn mind?
- A hug from Santa!

490
00:24:54,452 --> 00:24:56,162
No, I don't need
no fucking hug from Santa.

491
00:24:56,246 --> 00:24:58,623
- Let go of me, motherfucker.
- Melt all that stress away!

492
00:24:58,707 --> 00:25:00,083
Would you cool it, pal?

493
00:25:00,166 --> 00:25:02,127
You're scaring all the kids away.

494
00:25:02,210 --> 00:25:04,504
- You are a fucking creep!
- [grunts]

495
00:25:04,587 --> 00:25:06,589
[grunts]

496
00:25:06,673 --> 00:25:08,341
- Let go of me.
- [Jolly Santa] Aw!

497
00:25:08,425 --> 00:25:10,385
- [thuds]
- [Willie] Fuck!

498
00:25:10,468 --> 00:25:11,720
- [Jolly Santa] Ooh!
- Fucking asshole!

499
00:25:12,679 --> 00:25:15,682
This guy's a pedophiliac, here,
and he's after all your kids.

500
00:25:15,765 --> 00:25:17,475
- You better get out of here.
- [siren wailing]

501
00:25:17,559 --> 00:25:22,397
- You fucking perverted fucking asshole!
[gasping]

502
00:25:24,649 --> 00:25:26,276
[Willie] Hang on a second.

503
00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:28,820
He's the fucking kid diddler, not me.
I'm a hero!

504
00:25:29,821 --> 00:25:31,031
[grunts]

505
00:25:33,533 --> 00:25:37,203
- Sure you won't die up there?
- I've done smaller spaces, trust me.

506
00:25:37,287 --> 00:25:42,042
Well, if you don't make it, son,
I got a cigar box, make a nice casket.

507
00:25:42,125 --> 00:25:43,835
Who you calling "son"?

508
00:25:43,918 --> 00:25:46,588
Well, I'm proud to say that my pussy
is color-blind, so you never know.

509
00:25:47,130 --> 00:25:48,173
[bangs]
- Oh!

510
00:25:49,841 --> 00:25:54,054
Whoa! You go, little sperm.
Get up in there.

511
00:25:55,722 --> 00:25:58,099
Well, you don't see
something like that every day.

512
00:25:58,183 --> 00:26:01,436
[Pants]

513
00:26:03,438 --> 00:26:06,649
- [exhales]
- [bottles clinking]

514
00:26:07,984 --> 00:26:11,696
Ow! Bottles! Recycle that shit!

515
00:26:12,697 --> 00:26:17,285
Oh! What the fuck is tha... Oh, shit! No!

516
00:26:25,627 --> 00:26:26,961
Hey.

517
00:26:29,005 --> 00:26:31,758
I always wanted to fuck me a Santa.

518
00:26:31,841 --> 00:26:34,803
Well, I always wanted to shit
on a tattooed dick

519
00:26:34,886 --> 00:26:36,721
so we're perfect for each other.

520
00:26:38,098 --> 00:26:41,976
- Cook, let's go.
- See you in my dreams, chief.

521
00:26:44,479 --> 00:26:45,897
[Diane] Thank you. [sighs]

522
00:26:47,190 --> 00:26:49,359
You're not the first volunteer
to go off the rails.

523
00:26:49,442 --> 00:26:52,195
Lucky for you, Giving City
has a high standing in the community,

524
00:26:52,278 --> 00:26:53,571
so you won't get charged.

525
00:26:54,906 --> 00:26:57,033
You can turn in your suit
when you clean yourself up.

526
00:26:57,117 --> 00:26:59,369
Now, hang on a second. You're firing me?

527
00:26:59,452 --> 00:27:01,704
I rooted out a pervert.

528
00:27:01,788 --> 00:27:04,040
You should be throwing me
a fucking parade.

529
00:27:04,124 --> 00:27:07,210
And we're very grateful.
But you reek of whiskey.

530
00:27:07,293 --> 00:27:09,379
You know the rules
and you're flouting them.

531
00:27:09,462 --> 00:27:10,672
Flouting?

532
00:27:10,755 --> 00:27:14,717
I never sucked jizz out of nobody's ass.
I mean, with a straw.

533
00:27:14,801 --> 00:27:17,053
I believe that's felching.

534
00:27:17,137 --> 00:27:18,930
[Diane] Not that I would know.

535
00:27:19,013 --> 00:27:24,602
Uh, happy holidays, Mr. Cook.
Consider your freedom a gift from me.

536
00:27:25,395 --> 00:27:30,441
Well, hang on a second. Hang on!
I only had one drink.

537
00:27:30,525 --> 00:27:33,862
And that was just to keep warm out there.
I'm freezing my nuts off.

538
00:27:33,945 --> 00:27:36,990
And if we're being honest here,
you, you guys should be supplying us

539
00:27:37,073 --> 00:27:39,409
with some kind of electric underwear
or some shit.

540
00:27:39,492 --> 00:27:44,789
Oh, well, if we're being honest,
I don't like being lied to.

541
00:27:44,873 --> 00:27:49,043
- Please. I need this.
- Why do you care so much?

542
00:27:49,127 --> 00:27:54,090
[scoffs] Why do I care? Why do I care.

543
00:27:55,633 --> 00:27:59,596
[softly] I'll tell you why I care.
Because the world's a fucking shit hole.

544
00:27:59,679 --> 00:28:02,682
But when I put this suit on,
I feel like...

545
00:28:02,765 --> 00:28:07,187
Well, I feel like General MacArthur
must have felt when he put his uniform on

546
00:28:07,270 --> 00:28:09,022
and went and killed all them Filipinos.

547
00:28:09,105 --> 00:28:12,025
Look, I, I put up with
a lot of shit from kids...

548
00:28:12,108 --> 00:28:18,114
[stammers] For the kids.
I won't piss on the suit. I really won't.

549
00:28:18,198 --> 00:28:21,451
I mean, give a broke-dick
motherfucker a chance, will you?

550
00:28:22,827 --> 00:28:27,498
Fine. I'll give you a second chance.
If you give me a chance to help you.

551
00:28:29,083 --> 00:28:30,501
All right.

552
00:28:32,253 --> 00:28:33,922
[clattering]

553
00:29:08,873 --> 00:29:10,541
How we looking, Alice?

554
00:29:10,625 --> 00:29:12,085
Well, according to this report,

555
00:29:12,168 --> 00:29:14,712
Giving City's gonna lose
a record amount of money this year.

556
00:29:14,796 --> 00:29:17,465
Ugh, every time you say that,
my dick gets so hard.

557
00:29:17,548 --> 00:29:20,260
- Okay.
- Hey, why don't we just do it right now.

558
00:29:20,343 --> 00:29:21,719
- Come on.
- No.

559
00:29:21,803 --> 00:29:23,680
[Regent] I'll up your commission
to five percent.

560
00:29:23,763 --> 00:29:26,474
[Alice] Make it ten, and I'll let you do
that thing with my shoe.

561
00:29:26,557 --> 00:29:28,476
Both shoes. And you have to watch.

562
00:29:28,559 --> 00:29:30,895
Deal.

563
00:29:31,980 --> 00:29:33,022
[sighs]

564
00:29:33,773 --> 00:29:37,110
- [man] You can't smoke here, sir.
- [Willie] So call the fucking law.

565
00:29:37,193 --> 00:29:39,237
And while they're rolling
their fat asses down here,

566
00:29:39,320 --> 00:29:42,115
I'll be smoking like an old Buick,
all right?

567
00:29:43,992 --> 00:29:47,537
Arrested? Christ! William.

568
00:29:47,620 --> 00:29:51,291
- Not arrested. I was detained.
- Yeah. Shot of gin.

569
00:29:52,709 --> 00:29:56,671
What were you thinking?
You could have fucked this whole thing up.

570
00:29:56,754 --> 00:29:58,548
- I handled it.
- Mmm.

571
00:29:58,631 --> 00:30:00,675
Told her I'd go to an AA meeting with her.

572
00:30:00,758 --> 00:30:05,555
[scoffs] Don't buy their shit, William.
No such thing as an alcoholic.

573
00:30:06,472 --> 00:30:08,057
Just a sign of a weak liver.

574
00:30:08,141 --> 00:30:10,852
[sighs] I said I fucking handled it.
What are you, deaf?

575
00:30:10,935 --> 00:30:14,355
Well, you talk like you have a cock
in your mouth, shitstick.

576
00:30:14,439 --> 00:30:15,857
[Sunny laughs]

577
00:30:15,940 --> 00:30:18,234
Hey, you know why we call him "shitstick"?

578
00:30:18,943 --> 00:30:21,863
Because even when he was a baby,
he tried to butt-fuck everything.

579
00:30:21,946 --> 00:30:25,199
- Goddamn it.
- Stuffed monkey, neighbor's dog.

580
00:30:25,283 --> 00:30:28,619
I'm telling you,
if it had a butt, he'd try to fuck it.

581
00:30:28,703 --> 00:30:30,705
He's with his little nub, going.

582
00:30:30,788 --> 00:30:32,874
[Sunny laughs]

583
00:30:33,750 --> 00:30:37,462
Anyway, I think you ought to be working
the sexual angle with her,

584
00:30:37,545 --> 00:30:40,882
because I know for a fact
that that husband isn't getting it done.

585
00:30:40,965 --> 00:30:42,925
That guy never rocked a clit in his life.

586
00:30:43,009 --> 00:30:46,512
And that is one piece of motherly advice
I hope you took to heart.

587
00:30:46,596 --> 00:30:50,433
You motorboat that O-button
till she's speaking in tongues.

588
00:30:51,351 --> 00:30:56,397
- You know what "son" means, right?
- When did you turn into such a pussy?

589
00:30:59,233 --> 00:31:03,112
- Don't worry, I'm fine.
- I'm not worried.

590
00:31:03,196 --> 00:31:06,115
I just don't want you hacking up
your lung in my drink, okay?

591
00:31:06,199 --> 00:31:10,036
Not a chance.
Nah, this chassis' built to last.

592
00:31:10,119 --> 00:31:13,498
You know,
I smoked two packs of menthols a day,

593
00:31:13,581 --> 00:31:15,666
washed it down with a liter of this gin...

594
00:31:16,542 --> 00:31:20,380
And I could still fill that shot glass
with this man's jizz.

595
00:31:21,089 --> 00:31:26,219
- I said I don't give a shit, okay?
- Fine. I get it. You're mad at me.

596
00:31:26,302 --> 00:31:29,138
You think I was really ready
to be a mom at 13?

597
00:31:29,222 --> 00:31:32,100
[Sunny] Huh? We were gonna wait
at least another year.

598
00:31:32,183 --> 00:31:34,602
I mean, the one time
your son of a bitch father

599
00:31:34,685 --> 00:31:37,313
didn't put it in my ass,
I had to go and get pregnant.

600
00:31:37,397 --> 00:31:40,817
- Shit happens.
- That's fucking beautiful.

601
00:31:40,900 --> 00:31:43,611
Look, I'm not gonna pretend
I was a perfect mother.

602
00:31:43,694 --> 00:31:44,695
Yeah, no shit.

603
00:31:44,779 --> 00:31:48,408
You made me take the fall for you
when I was 11.

604
00:31:48,491 --> 00:31:50,910
Well, there's no sense in us
both going down.

605
00:31:50,993 --> 00:31:55,790
Besides, it made a man of you.
You are who you are because of me.

606
00:31:55,873 --> 00:31:58,209
No, I'm not anything like you.

607
00:31:58,292 --> 00:32:01,963
Yeah?
Well, you keep telling yourself that.

608
00:32:02,046 --> 00:32:04,799
Now where's your fucking midget?
It's getting late.

609
00:32:05,216 --> 00:32:08,511
[moaning]

610
00:32:08,594 --> 00:32:09,595
<i>[cell phone ringtone rings]</i>

611
00:32:09,679 --> 00:32:12,181
<i>♪ Pop that pussy
Hey, pop that pussy, baby ♪</i>

612
00:32:12,265 --> 00:32:14,934
- [Alice] What... What is that?
- [ringing stops]

613
00:32:15,017 --> 00:32:16,018
Shit!

614
00:32:16,102 --> 00:32:18,479
[Alice]What, do you have
a speaker up there?

615
00:32:18,563 --> 00:32:20,398
[Regent] Dorfman, get up here.

616
00:32:20,481 --> 00:32:26,237
You sure it was a phone ring?
Might have just been the fan turning over.

617
00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:30,366
Well, Dorfman, last time I checked,
fans don't "Pop That Pussy."

618
00:32:30,450 --> 00:32:32,702
No, I suppose they don't.

619
00:32:32,785 --> 00:32:34,912
No, I think Diane hired someone
to spy on me.

620
00:32:34,996 --> 00:32:38,124
- Diane? That doesn't sound like her.
- I want you to watch her.

621
00:32:38,207 --> 00:32:41,085
Anything unusual, I wanna know about it.
And cover the whole building.

622
00:32:41,169 --> 00:32:43,379
I'm talking microphones,
cameras, everything.

623
00:32:43,463 --> 00:32:46,466
Copy. Ladies' room
is already taken care of.

624
00:32:48,092 --> 00:32:50,219
[Sunny chuckles] He's fucking Alice.

625
00:32:50,303 --> 00:32:53,181
- [scoffs] Go figure.
- Why the fuck would you call me?

626
00:32:53,264 --> 00:32:55,349
Well, you're the genius
who left your ringer on.

627
00:32:55,433 --> 00:32:58,853
Because you the only two people I know.
Why would you call?

628
00:32:58,936 --> 00:33:02,231
- What's she doing
with that shoe? Oh, God!

629
00:33:02,315 --> 00:33:05,067
He heard a noise in the fucking vent.
What's the big deal?

630
00:33:05,151 --> 00:33:09,113
He heard "Pop That Pussy" in the vent,
and that is a big fucking deal.

631
00:33:09,197 --> 00:33:10,364
Think she knows?

632
00:33:10,448 --> 00:33:13,201
- [Sunny] Who?
- You know, the redheaded gal, Diane.

633
00:33:13,284 --> 00:33:14,744
That her husband's
fooling around with the help?

634
00:33:14,827 --> 00:33:18,080
I'm saying, do you think she knows
that her fucking husband

635
00:33:18,164 --> 00:33:20,333
is ripping off the goddamn charity?

636
00:33:20,416 --> 00:33:23,044
Who gives a shit?
As long as she doesn't get in the way.

637
00:33:23,127 --> 00:33:26,672
- Can you crack the safe?
- Of course I can crack the fucking safe.

638
00:33:26,756 --> 00:33:29,884
Probably take me about three minutes.
Three and a half tops.

639
00:33:29,967 --> 00:33:32,970
Well, you shave a minute off that,
you may be good for something.

640
00:33:33,054 --> 00:33:36,432
- What about the alarm system?
- It's a Centaur 2100.

641
00:33:36,516 --> 00:33:39,977
We power it down,
we have ten minutes before it reboots.

642
00:33:40,061 --> 00:33:42,772
But I'm gonna need a key
to the electrical room to access it.

643
00:33:42,855 --> 00:33:45,816
- It's the only way in.
- Ah, shit, how are we gonna get that?

644
00:33:45,900 --> 00:33:47,777
[keys jangle]

645
00:33:52,031 --> 00:33:53,533
[Marcus] Don't even
think about it, Willie.

646
00:33:53,616 --> 00:33:56,244
That big bitch is mine.

647
00:33:57,870 --> 00:34:00,122
He should show you some respect.

648
00:34:00,206 --> 00:34:03,334
- You're the talent, not him.
- [Diane] Hey, Randall!

649
00:34:03,417 --> 00:34:04,794
Mind giving me a hand over here?

650
00:34:04,877 --> 00:34:06,504
I've gotta get this stuff
to the auditorium.

651
00:34:06,587 --> 00:34:10,675
He'd love to, darling.
Strong, strapping man like him.

652
00:34:10,758 --> 00:34:13,135
Clitoris, son. Do it for Mama.

653
00:34:13,219 --> 00:34:14,595
Thanks, Sunny.

654
00:34:14,679 --> 00:34:17,640
She's so sweet. I wish I had
a hundred volunteers like her.

655
00:34:17,723 --> 00:34:20,893
Oh, yeah, she's something.
I'm sure they only made one of her.

656
00:34:23,771 --> 00:34:25,231
[coffee pours]

657
00:34:27,692 --> 00:34:29,110
How you doing, beautiful?

658
00:34:29,193 --> 00:34:31,112
- [Marcus] Gina, was it?
- That's right.

659
00:34:31,195 --> 00:34:36,075
- Ronald. We haven't officially met.
- Well, hello, Ronald. Officially.

660
00:34:36,158 --> 00:34:39,745
I bet you got no idea
how beautiful you really are.

661
00:34:39,829 --> 00:34:42,415
I don't know.
I think I've got some idea.

662
00:34:42,498 --> 00:34:44,750
- Oh, you do, do you?
- Maybe a little.

663
00:34:44,834 --> 00:34:47,837
I don't mean to be indiscreet,
but I do pretty well.

664
00:34:47,920 --> 00:34:51,257
So if you can't bring your A game,
don't even try.

665
00:34:51,340 --> 00:34:54,343
Sweetheart, I'm not sure
you could handle my A game.

666
00:34:54,427 --> 00:34:56,929
You get one hit of me
and you'll be addicted.

667
00:34:57,013 --> 00:35:01,601
- [chuckles] I like your confidence.
- I'd light you up like the Fourth of July.

668
00:35:01,684 --> 00:35:05,187
Look, Ronald,
I'm just gonna cut to the chase here.

669
00:35:05,271 --> 00:35:07,773
I am strictly first-class.

670
00:35:07,857 --> 00:35:13,112
I'm talking Chrysler 300,
factory-direct, fully loaded.

671
00:35:13,195 --> 00:35:16,198
And after that... lobster.

672
00:35:16,282 --> 00:35:18,784
Now if you think you can handle that,

673
00:35:18,868 --> 00:35:23,456
then maybe, just maybe,
I'll pencil you in.

674
00:35:23,539 --> 00:35:25,499
Bye.

675
00:35:25,583 --> 00:35:30,212
<i>- ♪ Joy to the world, the Lord is come ♪
- [Diane giggles]</i>

676
00:35:31,547 --> 00:35:32,632
Aren't they great?

677
00:35:33,674 --> 00:35:36,552
Regent likes to focus on the business,
but I'm like you.

678
00:35:36,636 --> 00:35:38,929
I am all about those kids
and the Christmas concert.

679
00:35:39,013 --> 00:35:40,681
[Diane] We all participate.

680
00:35:40,765 --> 00:35:44,727
Volunteers, staff.
If you're interested, you could join us.

681
00:35:44,810 --> 00:35:46,270
You outta your goddamn mind?

682
00:35:46,354 --> 00:35:49,065
I ain't dancing around
with a bunch of candy canes and shit.

683
00:35:50,441 --> 00:35:53,694
Because I'm all about
the birth of Christmas.

684
00:35:53,778 --> 00:35:56,697
You know, the wise guys

685
00:35:56,781 --> 00:36:00,242
kicked him out of the hotel
and the ejaculate conception

686
00:36:00,326 --> 00:36:03,245
and the drummer that didn't have shit
to give him but some perfume...

687
00:36:03,329 --> 00:36:08,250
And the King Midas or one of them
threatened to cut the kid in half,

688
00:36:08,334 --> 00:36:11,003
turn him into gold and but, see, I...

689
00:36:11,087 --> 00:36:14,799
It's a heavy deal for me.
Pretty damn heavy.

690
00:36:14,882 --> 00:36:17,593
Are you talking about
the true meaning of Christmas?

691
00:36:18,594 --> 00:36:21,263
- Exactly.
- Right.

692
00:36:21,347 --> 00:36:23,516
Don't forget about the meeting
tomorrow night at 7:30.

693
00:36:23,599 --> 00:36:27,645
- Oh, yeah.
- Hey, it's only scary the first time.

694
00:36:27,728 --> 00:36:29,063
[camera clicking]

695
00:36:40,199 --> 00:36:42,201
- Does this bus go to Chicago?
- [bus driver] No.

696
00:36:42,284 --> 00:36:44,870
Son, this bus goes
to the Arrowhead Premium Outlets.

697
00:36:45,830 --> 00:36:48,916
- Is that close to Chicago?
- [bus driver] No.

698
00:36:48,999 --> 00:36:51,127
[sighs] Okay.

699
00:36:54,213 --> 00:36:56,549
How do I look?

700
00:36:56,632 --> 00:37:00,177
You look like one of those trolls
that gang-fucked Willy Wonka.

701
00:37:00,261 --> 00:37:03,889
[Sunny laughs] Good one, shitstick.

702
00:37:03,973 --> 00:37:07,226
Hey, Shaft, you ready to stick it
to this chick tonight?

703
00:37:07,309 --> 00:37:08,602
Bitch, let me tell you something.

704
00:37:08,686 --> 00:37:12,940
When I was at the pen,
everyone called me tripod.

705
00:37:13,023 --> 00:37:14,233
[laughs]

706
00:37:14,316 --> 00:37:16,110
Well, if your legs are six inches long,

707
00:37:16,193 --> 00:37:18,529
that's not that big
of a fucking deal, see.

708
00:37:18,612 --> 00:37:21,323
Now, if you're six foot five
and they called you tripod,

709
00:37:21,407 --> 00:37:23,909
- then you're talking about something.
- [laughs]

710
00:37:23,993 --> 00:37:28,581
- Miserable fucks, both of you.
- Mm. [burps]

711
00:37:28,664 --> 00:37:32,918
- Goddamn, did you eat your own shit?
- No, I've been eating caramels.

712
00:37:33,002 --> 00:37:36,464
[Sunny] You know how caramels
make Mama belch. Remember?

713
00:37:36,547 --> 00:37:38,674
No. No, I don't.

714
00:37:38,758 --> 00:37:40,968
[Sunny] No, come on. You remember.

715
00:37:41,051 --> 00:37:43,846
Look, when you were a baby,

716
00:37:43,929 --> 00:37:48,350
I used to chew and feed you caramels,
just like a mama bird does.

717
00:37:48,434 --> 00:37:54,273
I'd chew and chew and chew
till they were all milky.

718
00:37:54,356 --> 00:37:55,691
Goddamn.

719
00:37:55,775 --> 00:37:58,944
And then I'd... [spits]
spit them right in your little mouth.

720
00:37:59,028 --> 00:38:01,864
And you'd just,
you'd just squint your little...

721
00:38:01,947 --> 00:38:05,367
Can't you see I'm trying to eat
a fucking pizza here?

722
00:38:08,704 --> 00:38:12,249
I swear to God, a fucking electric oven.

723
00:38:12,333 --> 00:38:17,797
[Leo Delibes' "The Flower Duet" playing]

724
00:38:34,313 --> 00:38:35,981
[keyboard clicking]

725
00:38:41,821 --> 00:38:47,243
Anyway, it took this new set of teeth
to finally see the light.

726
00:38:50,246 --> 00:38:53,165
- Jesus, I already need a fucking drink.
- [shushes]

727
00:38:53,249 --> 00:38:55,543
[man] People ask me
if I miss my old teeth.

728
00:38:55,626 --> 00:39:00,840
But sometimes, you have to
lose something to gain something.

729
00:39:03,884 --> 00:39:08,597
Now, I'm dating again,
and I'm ready to find The One.

730
00:39:08,681 --> 00:39:10,683
- [applause]
- [group leader] Thank you for that, Jason.

731
00:39:10,766 --> 00:39:14,979
- With no teeth, he ought to try dudes.
- [softly] Terrible.

732
00:39:15,062 --> 00:39:16,355
Would anyone else care to share?

733
00:39:18,732 --> 00:39:20,025
Anyone?

734
00:39:21,527 --> 00:39:22,695
[group leader] The stage is yours.

735
00:39:23,988 --> 00:39:27,992
- Hi, I'm Diane and I'm an alcoholic.
- [AA group] Hi, Diane.

736
00:39:28,075 --> 00:39:30,411
Maybe next time,
you'll feel comfortable speaking.

737
00:39:30,494 --> 00:39:32,371
I don't know about that.

738
00:39:36,166 --> 00:39:37,710
- [sighs]
- [Diane] Okay. Fine.

739
00:39:37,793 --> 00:39:40,296
Maybe you can just talk to me
if that's easier.

740
00:39:40,379 --> 00:39:43,549
Do you ever feel like you hit rock bottom?

741
00:39:44,508 --> 00:39:45,843
You gotta be shitting me.

742
00:39:47,136 --> 00:39:49,889
I sure did. In my late 20's.

743
00:39:49,972 --> 00:39:52,516
You know, some people
can have one drink and they're fine.

744
00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:55,853
I am not that kind of person. I get wild.

745
00:39:55,936 --> 00:39:58,856
- I'm all ears. How wild?
- What?

746
00:39:58,939 --> 00:40:01,650
You mean like sex stuff?
That kind of thing?

747
00:40:02,443 --> 00:40:03,485
Yes.

748
00:40:03,569 --> 00:40:06,155
Alcohol led me to make
some not-so-good choices.

749
00:40:06,238 --> 00:40:08,324
But I've cleaned up my life.

750
00:40:08,407 --> 00:40:10,910
- I met Regent...
- Wait a minute, hang on. [chuckles]

751
00:40:10,993 --> 00:40:14,288
You picked that douche bag up
when you were sober?

752
00:40:14,371 --> 00:40:16,790
He was different
when he was in the Peace Corps.

753
00:40:16,874 --> 00:40:18,334
He helped me find focus.

754
00:40:18,417 --> 00:40:22,963
You don't understand, it was bad.
Three-ways, five-ways...

755
00:40:23,047 --> 00:40:26,175
Five-ways? How many holes do you have?

756
00:40:26,258 --> 00:40:30,304
- Anyway, the drinking had to stop.
- Yeah, I guess so.

757
00:40:30,387 --> 00:40:32,765
It was probably making you forget
all the fun you had.

758
00:40:33,974 --> 00:40:36,143
I'm talking about addiction, Mr. Cook.

759
00:40:36,226 --> 00:40:38,562
Like sex? Or booze?

760
00:40:39,939 --> 00:40:41,732
Listen, I'll tell you what,

761
00:40:41,815 --> 00:40:44,109
I'd like to get you in
that back seat there.

762
00:40:44,193 --> 00:40:47,821
And tear your little panties off
and get that ass in my face

763
00:40:47,905 --> 00:40:51,200
and just fuck that pussy
like you can't imagine.

764
00:40:51,951 --> 00:40:53,160
Excuse me?

765
00:40:54,036 --> 00:40:56,246
You filthy, dirty...

766
00:40:56,330 --> 00:40:58,332
Well, I thought that's what
we were talking about here.

767
00:40:58,415 --> 00:40:59,708
Get out of my car!

768
00:41:01,210 --> 00:41:02,878
- Damn, no sweat.
- [Diane] Unbelievable.

769
00:41:02,962 --> 00:41:05,756
- [Willie] Goddamn.
- [camera clicking]

770
00:41:05,839 --> 00:41:07,883
- [Diane] I'm trying to help you.
- [Willie] Look, I'm sorry.

771
00:41:07,967 --> 00:41:10,511
- I fucking read you wrong. I was just...
- [tires screech]

772
00:41:16,266 --> 00:41:18,686
[Gina] Well, thank you, Ronald.

773
00:41:18,769 --> 00:41:22,147
- That was some fine crustacean.
- Yeah.

774
00:41:22,231 --> 00:41:24,358
Maybe we should take this upstairs.

775
00:41:24,441 --> 00:41:26,068
- Hmm.
- [Marcus] What?

776
00:41:26,151 --> 00:41:29,113
When it's right, it's right.
I feel it, you feel it?

777
00:41:29,196 --> 00:41:32,324
- You're really fun, but just...
- I'm not tall enough for you?

778
00:41:32,408 --> 00:41:33,993
- What?
- Go on and say it.

779
00:41:34,076 --> 00:41:37,371
No! Your height has nothing to do with it.
I don't even see height.

780
00:41:37,454 --> 00:41:39,665
What's the trouble then, baby?

781
00:41:41,291 --> 00:41:42,835
Ok, it's your height.

782
00:41:42,918 --> 00:41:45,295
I mean, I ate lobsters that were bigger
than you, tonight.

783
00:41:45,379 --> 00:41:46,797
I don't even know how it would work.

784
00:41:46,880 --> 00:41:49,008
It would be like a chihuahua
fucking a Great Dane.

785
00:41:49,842 --> 00:41:51,719
But thanks for the lobster.

786
00:41:54,346 --> 00:41:56,015
Ain't that but a bitch!

787
00:41:56,306 --> 00:41:59,184
Damn! Shit!

788
00:42:04,690 --> 00:42:06,400
[Diane] Fine, get in!

789
00:42:06,483 --> 00:42:09,111
Regent and I haven't had sex
in over a decade.

790
00:42:09,194 --> 00:42:10,696
We stay together for the charity.

791
00:42:10,779 --> 00:42:15,325
I'm a good girl, Mr. Cook,
but sometimes I need to be bad.

792
00:42:15,409 --> 00:42:17,828
Now get your filthy ass in the car.

793
00:42:17,911 --> 00:42:20,706
[chuckles] See, that's what I thought.

794
00:42:20,789 --> 00:42:22,833
[Diane moans] Oh, yeah!

795
00:42:22,916 --> 00:42:25,753
Fuck me like the dirty little slut
that I am.

796
00:42:25,836 --> 00:42:27,671
- [moans]
- Call me Santa.

797
00:42:27,755 --> 00:42:29,757
- What?
- Call me Santa.

798
00:42:29,840 --> 00:42:32,926
Don't be weird. Tell me how dirty this is.

799
00:42:33,343 --> 00:42:36,388
Uh, it's a dumpster in an alley.

800
00:42:36,472 --> 00:42:38,599
It's pretty, pretty fucking dirty,
I guess.

801
00:42:38,682 --> 00:42:41,685
- Tell me it's fucking dirty!
- Okay, it's fucking dirty.

802
00:42:42,352 --> 00:42:43,437
[Diane] I'm so dirty!

803
00:42:47,775 --> 00:42:51,361
It was a one-time thing.
That never happened.

804
00:42:52,529 --> 00:42:53,530
All right.

805
00:43:02,539 --> 00:43:04,291
- [television playing]
- What the fuck?

806
00:43:04,374 --> 00:43:06,543
I'm not missing The Bachelor finale.

807
00:43:06,627 --> 00:43:10,339
I gotta see who the dingleberry
gives his last rose to,

808
00:43:10,422 --> 00:43:13,050
Goiter Face or Drunk Slut.

809
00:43:14,551 --> 00:43:17,262
Fuck! Ugh! Get out of my brain!

810
00:43:17,346 --> 00:43:21,058
- Hey, Homeo, you got the key?
- I'm gonna need a little more time.

811
00:43:21,141 --> 00:43:23,685
[Sunny] Is he always this fucking useless?

812
00:43:23,769 --> 00:43:26,939
- [woman in television] Ow!
- Oh, call the medic!

813
00:43:32,820 --> 00:43:38,325
<i>♪ Frosty the Snowman
Was a jolly happy soul ♪</i>

814
00:43:38,408 --> 00:43:42,955
<i>♪ With a corn cob pipe and a button nose
And two eyes made of out coal I'</i>

815
00:43:43,038 --> 00:43:47,918
<i>♪ Frosty the Snowman
Is a fairy tale they say ♪</i>

816
00:43:48,001 --> 00:43:50,838
<i>♪ He was made of snow
But the children know I'</i>

817
00:43:50,921 --> 00:43:53,340
<i>♪ How he came to life one day ♪</i>

818
00:43:53,423 --> 00:43:57,511
<i>♪ For Frosty the Snowman
Had to hurry on... ♪</i>

819
00:43:57,594 --> 00:44:01,056
- Do you know Willie?
- Willie? No.

820
00:44:01,140 --> 00:44:04,852
- [driver] Who the hell is Willie?
- Can I ride the bicycle now?

821
00:44:04,935 --> 00:44:06,019
[laughs]

822
00:44:09,606 --> 00:44:11,775
[Regent] Why the fuck
were they at an AA meeting?

823
00:44:11,859 --> 00:44:12,943
[Dorfman] I don't know.

824
00:44:13,026 --> 00:44:15,779
- Maybe he's an alcoholic.
- Brilliant insight, Dorfman.

825
00:44:15,863 --> 00:44:17,656
No, I'm wondering why they were together.

826
00:44:18,532 --> 00:44:19,700
I wanna know who he is.

827
00:44:19,783 --> 00:44:22,870
Find out everything.
Schools, arrests, financials, meds.

828
00:44:22,953 --> 00:44:25,122
Whatever's out there on this guy,
I wanna see it.

829
00:44:25,205 --> 00:44:26,623
Copy.

830
00:44:26,707 --> 00:44:29,251
Yeah, I need full dossier
on a Randall Cook.

831
00:44:32,212 --> 00:44:34,173
Yes, I said "dossier."

832
00:44:34,256 --> 00:44:38,594
I'm sorry. I was under the impression
that was the correct nomenclature.

833
00:44:39,511 --> 00:44:41,013
"Nomenclature."

834
00:44:42,139 --> 00:44:43,974
Fine! A file, then.

835
00:44:44,057 --> 00:44:45,684
Asshole.

836
00:44:45,767 --> 00:44:47,186
<i>♪ Everybody shake your ungh ♪</i>

837
00:44:47,269 --> 00:44:49,146
<i>♪ Shake it to the left
Shake it to the right ♪</i>

838
00:44:49,229 --> 00:44:51,148
<i>♪ Shake it to the east, baby
Shake it all night ♪</i>

839
00:44:51,231 --> 00:44:53,025
<i>♪ Shake it to the left
Shake it to the right ♪</i>

840
00:44:53,108 --> 00:44:54,902
<i>♪ Shake it to the west, baby
Shake it all night ♪</i>

841
00:44:54,985 --> 00:44:56,486
<i>♪ Move your feet
Come on I'</i>

842
00:44:56,570 --> 00:44:58,155
[car horn honks]

843
00:44:58,238 --> 00:45:02,576
Shitstick! Let's go!
I got a side gig, just the two of us.

844
00:45:03,452 --> 00:45:06,788
- I'm busy.
- [Sunny] I said get in the van.

845
00:45:06,872 --> 00:45:09,166
I said I'm fucking busy!

846
00:45:09,249 --> 00:45:10,792
[car horn honks]

847
00:45:11,793 --> 00:45:15,339
[car horn continues honking]

848
00:45:15,422 --> 00:45:18,717
One fucking thing I get to enjoy
and you shit on that too.

849
00:45:18,800 --> 00:45:22,804
[Sunny] So I help field incoming calls
for the Santa appearances

850
00:45:22,888 --> 00:45:26,141
and shows and whatnot,
so I snagged this one just for us.

851
00:45:30,896 --> 00:45:35,025
Every year, these rich assholes throw
this huge party to benefit the needy kids.

852
00:45:35,108 --> 00:45:37,945
And this year, they requested
Mr. and Mrs. Santa Claus.

853
00:45:38,028 --> 00:45:41,865
So, while you're playing Santa,
I'm gonna clean these buggers out.

854
00:45:41,949 --> 00:45:43,158
Hang on a second here.

855
00:45:43,242 --> 00:45:46,411
I'm gonna spend my whole day
with a bunch of damn kids on my lap?

856
00:45:46,495 --> 00:45:49,039
- I'm retired from that shit anyway.
- Give me that.

857
00:45:49,122 --> 00:45:51,083
Give me that, you fucking lush.

858
00:45:51,166 --> 00:45:54,711
- I need you sharp.
- Goddamn it.

859
00:45:54,795 --> 00:45:59,174
<i>♪ Dashing through the snow
In a one-horse open sleigh ♪</i>

860
00:45:59,258 --> 00:46:03,804
<i>♪ O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way ♪</i>

861
00:46:03,887 --> 00:46:07,182
<i>♪ Ha ha ha
Bells on bobtails ring ♪</i>

862
00:46:07,266 --> 00:46:09,726
<i>♪ Making spirits bright ♪</i>

863
00:46:09,810 --> 00:46:14,231
<i>♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride
And sing these songs tonight ♪</i>

864
00:46:14,314 --> 00:46:16,984
- Hey, keep those coming, will you?
- Mm-hmm.

865
00:46:17,067 --> 00:46:19,611
<i>- ♪ Jingle all the way ♪
- [sighs]</i>

866
00:46:19,695 --> 00:46:21,905
[car horn honking]

867
00:46:21,989 --> 00:46:24,283
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay.

868
00:46:24,366 --> 00:46:27,661
Seriously, you need to
give my bike back. Now.

869
00:46:27,744 --> 00:46:30,163
[Thurman] Where are the cherry pop ladies?

870
00:46:33,166 --> 00:46:35,794
- [hisses]
- Oh, Gina!

871
00:46:36,920 --> 00:46:38,714
Oh, hey!

872
00:46:38,797 --> 00:46:43,427
- You're not mad, are you?
- Mad? No. Because I get you.

873
00:46:43,510 --> 00:46:45,345
You a woman of high standards,

874
00:46:45,429 --> 00:46:46,847
- refined taste...
- [slaps]

875
00:46:46,930 --> 00:46:49,558
- What's up, girl?
- Ooh. You know what's up, playa.

876
00:46:49,641 --> 00:46:53,020
[hisses, moans] I'm sorry, what?

877
00:46:53,103 --> 00:46:56,690
["Hark! The Herald Angels Sing"
playing in piano]

878
00:46:56,773 --> 00:46:58,525
[laughter, chattering in the background]

879
00:47:00,152 --> 00:47:02,362
What the hell are you looking at me
so funny for?

880
00:47:03,572 --> 00:47:06,450
Sorry, Santa. I had to go.

881
00:47:07,951 --> 00:47:11,204
[Willie] Oh, is that you?
I thought it was me.

882
00:47:12,748 --> 00:47:16,710
Hey, Greta. Could you, uh, get me a rag
and a real drink, please?

883
00:47:16,793 --> 00:47:18,128
Of course. I'll be right back.

884
00:47:23,175 --> 00:47:26,762
Come on. Get out of here.
Put a fucking diaper on.

885
00:47:26,845 --> 00:47:28,221
[clanging]

886
00:47:31,850 --> 00:47:35,395
- Hey, you're wet.
- No shit. What can I do for you?

887
00:47:35,479 --> 00:47:39,149
Will you be able to find me
at my grandma's house in Grand Rapids?

888
00:47:39,232 --> 00:47:44,363
Because no one's going to be
at our Chicago house for two weeks.

889
00:47:44,446 --> 00:47:48,909
Oh, yeah. Don't worry. I'll find you.
But, hey, do Santy a favor, will you?

890
00:47:48,992 --> 00:47:51,203
You know the address
of where you're not gonna be?

891
00:47:51,286 --> 00:47:54,373
Write it down on a piece of paper
and bring it back to Santy, will you?

892
00:47:55,374 --> 00:47:56,458
All right, honey. Good girl.

893
00:47:57,918 --> 00:47:58,960
What do you want?

894
00:47:59,044 --> 00:48:02,089
<i>I want Minecraft, Halo 5 Guardians,
Rise of the Tomb Raider,</i>

895
00:48:02,172 --> 00:48:05,133
<i>Project X Zone Two, Assassin's Creed
Chronicles Trilogy, As...</i>

896
00:48:05,217 --> 00:48:07,677
Yeah, yeah. That's great, that's great.
I, I don't know.

897
00:48:07,761 --> 00:48:09,513
- <i>Call of Duty Black Ops III...</i>
- I don't know what you're talking about.

898
00:48:09,596 --> 00:48:10,931
I have no idea what that shit is.

899
00:48:11,014 --> 00:48:14,017
You could be speaking fucking Swahili
and I wouldn't know any better.

900
00:48:14,101 --> 00:48:16,812
- Grand <i>Theft Auto V.</i>
- Nah, I don't care.

901
00:48:22,317 --> 00:48:23,568
What can I get you?

902
00:48:23,652 --> 00:48:25,570
A stuffed cow that moos
but doesn't poop.

903
00:48:25,654 --> 00:48:29,741
- Some duct tape so I can build a boat.
- What?

904
00:48:29,825 --> 00:48:34,287
A stuffed cow that moos but doesn't poop.
Some duct tape so I can build a boat.

905
00:48:34,371 --> 00:48:35,831
Okay.

906
00:48:37,249 --> 00:48:40,043
Have a seat. What can Santy Claus get you?

907
00:48:40,127 --> 00:48:42,462
A penguin. It doesn't have to be alive.

908
00:48:46,383 --> 00:48:47,551
[jangling]

909
00:48:50,679 --> 00:48:52,556
[vibrator vibrates]

910
00:48:54,141 --> 00:48:56,935
- What's up, champ?
- I want a hand grenade.

911
00:48:57,018 --> 00:48:58,728
Yeah, well, I want a hand release,

912
00:48:58,812 --> 00:49:00,897
but you don't see me
holding my breath, do you?

913
00:49:00,981 --> 00:49:04,568
- What's a hand release?
- It's kind of a compromise.

914
00:49:04,651 --> 00:49:07,821
Anyway, Santy ain't no arms dealer,
so I can't help you out.

915
00:49:07,904 --> 00:49:10,073
See you later.

916
00:49:12,909 --> 00:49:14,119
[indistinct chatter]

917
00:49:18,582 --> 00:49:19,916
Let's go.

918
00:49:22,377 --> 00:49:25,130
[kids laughing]

919
00:49:27,549 --> 00:49:29,426
- [thudding]
- Gods!

920
00:49:29,509 --> 00:49:31,595
Walk. Don't run!

921
00:49:33,430 --> 00:49:36,308
That's quite a grip you got there.
What are you, a lumberjack?

922
00:49:36,391 --> 00:49:39,686
- Shot put. Olympic alternate.
- Nice.

923
00:49:39,769 --> 00:49:42,230
[car engine starts]

924
00:49:46,401 --> 00:49:48,278
[Willie exhales]

925
00:49:48,695 --> 00:49:51,031
Davis! Davis!

926
00:49:52,073 --> 00:49:54,951
- Where's your friend at?
- I ain't got any fucking friends!

927
00:49:55,035 --> 00:49:56,328
Hey, watch your language.

928
00:49:56,411 --> 00:49:59,915
Why don't I watch my dick go in and out
of your wife's pussy lips while I'm at it?

929
00:49:59,998 --> 00:50:04,544
Oh, yeah? Well, joke's on you
because my wife died six months ago. Boom!

930
00:50:04,628 --> 00:50:09,466
Like that will fucking stop me?
Rigor mortis just make the pussy tighter.

931
00:50:09,549 --> 00:50:11,635
Oh. Where's Cook?

932
00:50:13,970 --> 00:50:16,264
- [clinking]
- [Sunny] You see that?

933
00:50:16,348 --> 00:50:19,643
Huh? [chuckles] Yeah.

934
00:50:19,726 --> 00:50:22,979
- We still got it, kid.
- Yeah, I guess so.

935
00:50:23,063 --> 00:50:25,690
It was always supposed
to be this way, William.

936
00:50:25,774 --> 00:50:30,278
You, me. Before I fucked it all up.

937
00:50:31,863 --> 00:50:34,366
But even when I was in the joint,
I thought of you.

938
00:50:34,449 --> 00:50:38,245
And I always had a drink
on your birthday... January third.

939
00:50:39,371 --> 00:50:41,289
- [sniffs]
- Seventh.

940
00:50:41,373 --> 00:50:44,459
- August fourth.
- Fourth?

941
00:50:44,543 --> 00:50:46,753
And August. Yeah.

942
00:50:46,836 --> 00:50:51,925
Well, fuck a duck.
Anyway, uh, the point is that I miss this.

943
00:50:52,008 --> 00:50:57,389
Just think of the damage we could do.
Just the two of us. All the time.

944
00:50:58,223 --> 00:51:00,767
Hey. You know what? I got you a gift.

945
00:51:00,850 --> 00:51:03,937
You never got me a gift
in my entire fucking life.

946
00:51:04,020 --> 00:51:05,105
[Sunny] Well, boohoo.

947
00:51:05,188 --> 00:51:09,317
You think it was raining presents
in my backyard when I was a kid?

948
00:51:09,401 --> 00:51:13,321
Look, I'm trying to make up
for lost time here.

949
00:51:13,405 --> 00:51:16,908
- You know, be a better...
- Parent?

950
00:51:18,952 --> 00:51:22,330
Yeah. I found this in the bedside table.

951
00:51:22,414 --> 00:51:23,415
- Think fast.
- [vibrator vibrates]

952
00:51:23,498 --> 00:51:26,376
- The fuck?
- [laughs]

953
00:51:26,459 --> 00:51:29,671
- Don't do that.
- Oh, that's for me.

954
00:51:29,754 --> 00:51:31,256
[chuckles] Shut up.

955
00:51:31,339 --> 00:51:33,383
- Pew-pew.
- Don't touch me with the fucking thing.

956
00:51:33,466 --> 00:51:34,926
[chuckling, sniffs]

957
00:51:35,010 --> 00:51:39,306
No, seriously. I did get you a gift.

958
00:51:39,389 --> 00:51:43,268
- I want you to have this.
- What the fuck's that for?

959
00:51:43,351 --> 00:51:49,149
The midget. He tried to kill you once.
I'm not gonna give him a second chance.

960
00:51:49,232 --> 00:51:54,487
- I think he knows better by now, okay?
- Hey, hey, hey.

961
00:51:54,571 --> 00:51:58,617
You're my shitstick. And nobody's
gonna mess with you on my watch.

962
00:52:03,580 --> 00:52:04,581
I'm fine.

963
00:52:05,457 --> 00:52:10,545
[coughing]

964
00:52:11,338 --> 00:52:13,673
We gotta get rid of this van and split up.

965
00:52:13,757 --> 00:52:15,508
- Hey, pull over right here.
- What for?

966
00:52:15,592 --> 00:52:17,344
[Willie] Just fucking pull over, okay?

967
00:52:21,723 --> 00:52:23,933
Okay, just wait right here.
Keep it running.

968
00:52:25,185 --> 00:52:26,603
Be right back.

969
00:52:36,905 --> 00:52:38,657
[vibrator vibrates]

970
00:52:39,741 --> 00:52:41,493
- Wow.
- [car door opens]

971
00:52:41,576 --> 00:52:42,786
Okay, go, go, 90, 90, 90!

972
00:52:42,869 --> 00:52:44,746
- Hey! Hey! Open the door!

973
00:52:48,083 --> 00:52:51,336
[shopkeeper] Fuck!
- What you got?

974
00:52:51,419 --> 00:52:53,546
Here, drink this.

975
00:52:55,298 --> 00:52:58,551
- You sweet little muskrat.
- Don't get all choked up.

976
00:52:58,635 --> 00:53:00,303
I'm just tired of that fucking coughing.

977
00:53:01,596 --> 00:53:02,847
Ahhh.

978
00:53:02,931 --> 00:53:06,810
- I hadn't gotten 'tussed up in a while.
- [Dorfman] Yeah.

979
00:53:06,893 --> 00:53:09,938
Nothing but an old address
somewhere outside Albany.

980
00:53:10,021 --> 00:53:12,273
- Nothing else? Shit.
- The guy's a ghost.

981
00:53:12,357 --> 00:53:14,317
Okay, call Detective O'Neill
at Precinct 12.

982
00:53:14,401 --> 00:53:17,612
- Have him run a facial rec.
- Fuck yeah. Facial rec.

983
00:53:17,696 --> 00:53:21,157
- That's a level-nine surveillance.
- Yeah.

984
00:53:36,756 --> 00:53:38,800
Yes! Oh! Oh!

985
00:53:38,883 --> 00:53:41,428
[moans]

986
00:53:41,511 --> 00:53:43,221
- Don't hold back.
- Don't hold back?

987
00:53:43,304 --> 00:53:47,183
What do you want, a fucking jackhammer?
Goddamn, I nearly broke my fucking pelvis.

988
00:53:47,267 --> 00:53:49,644
No, I mean hurry up and cum.
I can hear someone.

989
00:53:49,728 --> 00:53:51,521
- [groans]
- Call me "Santa."

990
00:53:51,604 --> 00:53:53,815
- [pants]
- Fine.

991
00:53:53,898 --> 00:53:55,567
- Fuck me, Santa.
- Louder

992
00:53:55,650 --> 00:53:57,569
- Fuck me, Santa!
- There you go.

993
00:53:57,652 --> 00:53:59,863
Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa!

994
00:53:59,946 --> 00:54:03,908
Fuck me, Santa!
Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa!

995
00:54:03,992 --> 00:54:05,452
[Diane] Fuck me, Santa!

996
00:54:05,535 --> 00:54:08,663
Fuck me, Santa!
Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa!

997
00:54:08,747 --> 00:54:10,665
- [Willie] No, more.
- [Diane] Oh, fuck me, Santa!

998
00:54:10,749 --> 00:54:13,376
[Diane] Fuck me, Santa!
Fuck me, Santa!

999
00:54:13,460 --> 00:54:15,962
- [groans]
- Oh.

1000
00:54:16,045 --> 00:54:18,381
[gasps]
- Merry fucking Christmas.

1001
00:54:24,679 --> 00:54:26,639
- [Willie] All right, then.
- [Diane] That also...

1002
00:54:26,723 --> 00:54:29,976
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, I know, I know!
Uh, it never happened. I get it.

1003
00:54:31,269 --> 00:54:36,357
Um, I ain't exactly what you call
the romantic type, you know.

1004
00:54:36,441 --> 00:54:39,068
I don't go in for all the sappy shit.

1005
00:54:39,152 --> 00:54:44,824
But, um, I gotta tell you,
you got gigantic titties.

1006
00:54:44,908 --> 00:54:50,205
- And that's no shit.
- Um... thanks?

1007
00:54:50,288 --> 00:54:53,333
- No sweat.
- [cell phone rings]

1008
00:54:53,416 --> 00:54:55,418
- See you.
- [car door closes]

1009
00:54:58,004 --> 00:55:00,006
- [cell phone rings]
- Fuck.

1010
00:55:00,089 --> 00:55:02,801
- This better be an emergency.
- Willie, where are you?

1011
00:55:02,884 --> 00:55:05,136
I'm in Chicago,
but I can't find you anywhere.

1012
00:55:05,220 --> 00:55:08,306
Wait, hang on a second.
What are you doing in fucking Chicago?

1013
00:55:08,389 --> 00:55:10,558
I wanted to surprise you for Christmas.

1014
00:55:10,642 --> 00:55:12,852
The best Christmas gifts
are always a surprise.

1015
00:55:12,936 --> 00:55:17,065
Are you off of your goddamn nut?
Is that what you do?

1016
00:55:17,148 --> 00:55:19,400
<i>[Willie over</i> phone] <i>You follow people
all the way across the fucking country?</i>

1017
00:55:19,484 --> 00:55:21,110
Not everyone. Just you.

1018
00:55:21,194 --> 00:55:24,906
- [Thurman over phone] Are you surprised?
- No, this shit happens every day.

1019
00:55:24,989 --> 00:55:28,451
- [Thurman] <i>It does?</i>
- No. On what fucking planet...?

1020
00:55:28,535 --> 00:55:30,537
<i>[Willie] Never mind.
What the fuck are you doing?</i>

1021
00:55:30,620 --> 00:55:35,083
Uh, Willie, it's really cold here.
I didn't bring a coat. Only my gloves.

1022
00:55:35,166 --> 00:55:37,836
<i>[Willie] Goddamn it.
You gotta be shitting me.</i>

1023
00:55:37,919 --> 00:55:40,505
<i>Do you got a pencil
or some shit to write on?</i>

1024
00:55:44,968 --> 00:55:46,636
[knocking on door]

1025
00:55:55,311 --> 00:55:58,565
- [knocking continues]
- Who is it?

1026
00:56:03,611 --> 00:56:06,781
- Who the fuck are you?
- Grandma Willie!

1027
00:56:08,575 --> 00:56:10,076
[man talking on TV]

1028
00:56:10,159 --> 00:56:12,328
[Thurman] And Willie was in such a hurry
to get me my elephant

1029
00:56:12,412 --> 00:56:13,705
that I guess he forgot to pay for it.

1030
00:56:13,788 --> 00:56:18,126
And that made the policemen really mad.
So they followed him back to the house.

1031
00:56:18,209 --> 00:56:20,712
And Willie ran really fast
and he almost got to the door,

1032
00:56:20,795 --> 00:56:23,840
but then they shot him
like eight times in the back.

1033
00:56:23,923 --> 00:56:26,551
In the cowboy movies,
they say that's not even fair.

1034
00:56:26,634 --> 00:56:30,680
And this is the first present
Willie ever got me for Christmas.

1035
00:56:30,763 --> 00:56:31,806
With his blood.

1036
00:56:34,100 --> 00:56:38,187
- Willie, you're home!
- Goddamn, kid. Watch the spine bone.

1037
00:56:38,271 --> 00:56:40,857
I was just telling your morn
how you're a hero.

1038
00:56:40,940 --> 00:56:43,735
Yeah, yeah. Hang on a second.

1039
00:56:43,818 --> 00:56:46,988
You didn't bring a fucking coat,
but you brought that elephant?

1040
00:56:47,071 --> 00:56:50,283
- You didn't tell me to bring a coat.
- I didn't tell you to come.

1041
00:56:50,366 --> 00:56:54,245
- Is this your spawn?
- Do I look like I made him?

1042
00:56:54,329 --> 00:56:55,705
Well, if this ain't
fetal alcohol syndrome,

1043
00:56:55,788 --> 00:56:57,332
then what the fuck is it?

1044
00:56:57,415 --> 00:57:01,044
- He keeps trying to make me a sandwich.
- That's what he does.

1045
00:57:02,837 --> 00:57:04,213
- Elf!

1046
00:57:05,590 --> 00:57:07,008
Hey! You get that key?

1047
00:57:09,218 --> 00:57:10,219
You got smaller.

1048
00:57:14,015 --> 00:57:18,102
- [sighs]
- What the... Am I tripping?

1049
00:57:18,186 --> 00:57:20,480
You might be, because,
you know, certain pussy

1050
00:57:20,563 --> 00:57:23,691
has hallucinogenic aftereffects
if you eat too much of it.

1051
00:57:24,150 --> 00:57:28,112
One time, I ate too much turkey bacon,
I didn't poop for two weeks.

1052
00:57:28,196 --> 00:57:30,031
For four weeks.

1053
00:57:34,243 --> 00:57:37,914
- The key, shorty.
- Okay, first of all, fuck you!

1054
00:57:37,997 --> 00:57:41,125
See that? I told you.
I knew he didn't have it in him.

1055
00:57:41,209 --> 00:57:44,963
And second of all,
what in the fuck is he doing here?

1056
00:57:45,046 --> 00:57:47,924
- That is not how you serve a sandwich.
- Willie.

1057
00:57:48,007 --> 00:57:50,051
I'm working on it, okay?

1058
00:57:50,134 --> 00:57:52,178
[clears throat] Hey, kid, listen.

1059
00:57:52,261 --> 00:57:55,431
This is really not the right place
for you to be, okay?

1060
00:57:55,515 --> 00:57:59,102
Because there's not enough beds?
I only counted one, plus a couch.

1061
00:57:59,185 --> 00:58:01,688
- Exactly.
- You should get bunk beds, Willie.

1062
00:58:01,771 --> 00:58:03,022
[Willie] Yeah, maybe we'll do that.

1063
00:58:03,106 --> 00:58:05,608
But, uh, in the meantime,
let's you and me head out, all right?

1064
00:58:06,859 --> 00:58:09,237
Bye, Elf. Bye, Willie's mom.

1065
00:58:09,320 --> 00:58:12,907
My mom's in Jesus' house with Mary
and Joseph and the talking walnut.

1066
00:58:14,659 --> 00:58:17,495
- You 100 percent sure he's not yours?
- Yeah.

1067
00:58:17,578 --> 00:58:20,540
Well, then, cut him loose.
Set some boundaries, for chrissake.

1068
00:58:20,623 --> 00:58:24,168
You can't have every stray
following you around like a lost puppy.

1069
00:58:24,252 --> 00:58:26,963
- [Sunny] Jesus!
- I said I'm going, okay?

1070
00:58:27,046 --> 00:58:31,592
Can we get a Chicago pizza?
It's like pizza, but in Chicago.

1071
00:58:31,676 --> 00:58:34,429
Yeah, we'll get a pizza. No sweat.

1072
00:58:40,018 --> 00:58:43,479
This is really fun, Willie.
I didn't even know you had a mom.

1073
00:58:43,563 --> 00:58:47,692
- What'd you think? I was just hatched?
- Well, where were you born?

1074
00:58:47,775 --> 00:58:52,947
I was born in the Pulaski County Juvenile
Detention Center in Little Rock, Arkansas.

1075
00:58:53,031 --> 00:58:57,160
- Oh, that sounds really nice.
- Well, it wasn't nice.

1076
00:58:57,243 --> 00:59:00,997
And she's a mean fucking bitch,
so don't go getting any ideas, all right?

1077
00:59:01,080 --> 00:59:04,500
Well, sometimes you're not nice.
But you're still Santa.

1078
00:59:04,584 --> 00:59:09,297
Listen kid, seriously.
You're all grown-up and shit now, okay?

1079
00:59:09,380 --> 00:59:13,009
- You gotta stop that.
- Well, I know you're not the Santa.

1080
00:59:13,092 --> 00:59:14,761
But you're still my Santa.

1081
00:59:23,436 --> 00:59:24,562
Come on. Let's go.

1082
00:59:31,110 --> 00:59:32,779
[cell phone vibrates]

1083
00:59:37,575 --> 00:59:40,411
[cell phone vibrates]

1084
01:00:07,313 --> 01:00:08,397
[softly] Fuck.

1085
01:00:48,020 --> 01:00:51,232
[Willie] Fuck! Fucking pussy!

1086
01:00:57,446 --> 01:01:00,908
[indistinct chatter]

1087
01:01:00,992 --> 01:01:03,828
Look at all the Santas!
I really get to stay here?

1088
01:01:03,911 --> 01:01:06,581
Goddamn right.

1089
01:01:06,664 --> 01:01:09,292
So how long is the kid staying here?

1090
01:01:09,375 --> 01:01:11,377
Hell if I know,
I ain't his fucking secretary.

1091
01:01:11,460 --> 01:01:17,091
- You run the joint.
- [chuckles] Cook, you crack me up.

1092
01:01:17,175 --> 01:01:18,384
I what?

1093
01:01:19,927 --> 01:01:23,431
Boarding room's downstairs on the left.
Any bed that's not taken.

1094
01:01:27,268 --> 01:01:29,437
Alrighty, here we go.

1095
01:01:29,520 --> 01:01:31,564
Now listen,
don't be sitting on any toilet seats.

1096
01:01:31,647 --> 01:01:34,734
If you gotta take a shit
just stand over it, couple of feet away,

1097
01:01:34,817 --> 01:01:36,319
take aim and blow it in there.

1098
01:01:36,402 --> 01:01:38,905
'Cause I'm pretty sure crabs can jump.
All right?

1099
01:01:38,988 --> 01:01:41,407
Don't let anybody muscle up on you
in the showers either,

1100
01:01:41,490 --> 01:01:42,783
because they'll try.

1101
01:01:42,867 --> 01:01:46,037
And if a fight breaks out, go straight
for the nuts or gouge an eye out.

1102
01:01:46,120 --> 01:01:47,538
[vomits]

1103
01:01:49,916 --> 01:01:52,460
I don't think I like it here, Willie.

1104
01:01:52,543 --> 01:01:55,004
Then you should go home,
like I told you to start with.

1105
01:01:55,087 --> 01:01:57,590
But it's not home if there's nobody there.

1106
01:01:57,673 --> 01:01:59,842
What about Granny?
I'm sure she misses you.

1107
01:01:59,926 --> 01:02:01,177
- [Thurman] She died.
- When?

1108
01:02:01,260 --> 01:02:02,261
[Thurman] Two years ago.

1109
01:02:02,345 --> 01:02:05,389
Same day as the President's Day sale
at Blue Mesa Toyota and Scion

1110
01:02:05,473 --> 01:02:07,767
where they put the "whee" in wheels.

1111
01:02:09,227 --> 01:02:10,561
Well, Granny had a good run.

1112
01:02:10,645 --> 01:02:13,522
She was about
150 fucking years old, anyway.

1113
01:02:13,606 --> 01:02:17,193
Look at this, this is not so bad.
Look, you got bunk beds.

1114
01:02:17,276 --> 01:02:19,028
[Willie] Look at that.

1115
01:02:19,111 --> 01:02:22,657
Ow! Goddamn, kid! Fuck!

1116
01:02:22,740 --> 01:02:24,700
- Will we have Christmas together?
- Fuck, I don't know.

1117
01:02:24,784 --> 01:02:27,370
- But, Willie...
- No "but, Willie." Goddamn it!

1118
01:02:27,453 --> 01:02:30,873
I've been chasing your ass off
ever since I fucking met you.

1119
01:02:30,957 --> 01:02:34,752
Do you not take a hint?
I fucking told you that I ain't that guy.

1120
01:02:34,835 --> 01:02:37,755
Life sucks a big, giant dick, kid.

1121
01:02:37,838 --> 01:02:40,341
But you're a fucking man now
and you gotta face up to it.

1122
01:02:40,424 --> 01:02:42,426
Welcome to the shit show.

1123
01:02:43,261 --> 01:02:45,805
- But you're my family.
- No, I'm not your family.

1124
01:02:46,681 --> 01:02:48,266
[sighs]

1125
01:02:48,349 --> 01:02:54,438
- Okay. I'll try to be a man. For you.
- No, not for me. For you.

1126
01:02:55,982 --> 01:02:58,109
- Even though I'm all alone.
- [Willie] You're not all alone.

1127
01:02:58,192 --> 01:03:02,029
[chuckles] Are you shitting me?
I mean, look around here.

1128
01:03:02,113 --> 01:03:04,699
[Willie] You got all these great guys.

1129
01:03:04,782 --> 01:03:10,079
Except that one jerking off over there.
And that one watching him jerk off.

1130
01:03:10,162 --> 01:03:13,582
You know what, just kind of stay
in this section right here, okay?

1131
01:03:15,918 --> 01:03:17,712
- [breathes nervously]
- You'll be fine.

1132
01:03:19,755 --> 01:03:21,257
[man coughs]

1133
01:03:27,638 --> 01:03:29,390
[door closes]

1134
01:03:30,308 --> 01:03:31,309
Hey.

1135
01:03:32,685 --> 01:03:35,646
- Where the hell have you been?
- What are you, my fucking mother?

1136
01:03:35,730 --> 01:03:37,690
I've been dealing with the kid, all right?

1137
01:03:37,773 --> 01:03:40,526
Oh, well, don't lose your focus.
We still need that key.

1138
01:03:40,609 --> 01:03:43,821
I tried seducing the girl myself
but she's strictly dickly.

1139
01:03:43,904 --> 01:03:46,657
Concert's tomorrow night.
So you better step up, buddy boy.

1140
01:03:46,741 --> 01:03:48,367
I thought the midget was doing it.

1141
01:03:48,451 --> 01:03:50,995
Marcus couldn't fuck his way out
of a wet paper bag.

1142
01:03:51,078 --> 01:03:53,706
I'll make sure she knows you got
the hots for her.

1143
01:03:55,124 --> 01:03:57,960
- Really?
- That's what he told me.

1144
01:03:58,044 --> 01:03:59,920
Oh, here he comes.

1145
01:04:00,004 --> 01:04:01,964
Of course you may have to make
the first move,

1146
01:04:02,048 --> 01:04:03,924
- because he seems like the shy type.
- Okay.

1147
01:04:04,008 --> 01:04:07,845
Hey. We still good for tomorrow? The plan.

1148
01:04:07,928 --> 01:04:11,891
- Cutting her out after the grab. Right?
- Yeah, yeah. We're good.

1149
01:04:12,725 --> 01:04:16,729
Come on, shitstick.
Bring it on home to Mama.

1150
01:04:20,441 --> 01:04:21,692
[softly] Goddamn.

1151
01:04:27,239 --> 01:04:30,493
<i>♪ I just can't wait till Christmas day ♪</i>

1152
01:04:31,911 --> 01:04:35,164
<i>♪ My favorite time of the year ♪</i>

1153
01:04:38,000 --> 01:04:39,960
[thuds]

1154
01:04:40,044 --> 01:04:41,253
[Gina] Hey, Cook!

1155
01:04:43,214 --> 01:04:44,548
[Gina] Hey, Cook!

1156
01:04:48,469 --> 01:04:50,054
Mind if join you?

1157
01:04:53,724 --> 01:04:57,812
It's okay to like what you see.
I like what I see.

1158
01:04:59,188 --> 01:05:00,272
[Gina] Oh, yes!

1159
01:05:00,648 --> 01:05:04,819
Oh, God! Oh, make Mama cum. [moans]

1160
01:05:04,902 --> 01:05:07,321
Don't say "Mama." No mom stuff!

1161
01:05:09,990 --> 01:05:11,575
Oh, shit.

1162
01:05:11,659 --> 01:05:14,829
[grunts] You don't stop till I say stop!

1163
01:05:14,912 --> 01:05:18,749
- Okay, flip over.
- Fine. Bring it.

1164
01:05:21,210 --> 01:05:23,712
Are you washing your fucking hands
right now?

1165
01:05:24,004 --> 01:05:24,839
Not yet.

1166
01:05:24,922 --> 01:05:27,550
Oh, what are you doing?
That's not my... Huh.

1167
01:05:27,800 --> 01:05:29,260
[Gina] Oh, my God!

1168
01:05:29,343 --> 01:05:33,431
Oh, my God! That feels amazing! Holy shit!

1169
01:05:34,723 --> 01:05:36,183
Harder! Yes!

1170
01:05:52,575 --> 01:05:58,372
<i>[choir singing]
♪ Holy infant so tender and mild ♪</i>

1171
01:05:58,456 --> 01:06:04,336
<i>♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪</i>

1172
01:06:06,088 --> 01:06:11,760
<i>♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪</i>

1173
01:06:15,222 --> 01:06:18,809
<i>♪ Silent night ♪</i>

1174
01:06:18,893 --> 01:06:20,769
- ♪ Holy <i>night</i> ♪
- [Thurman] Oh, my gosh.

1175
01:06:20,853 --> 01:06:24,398
You guys are really good at singing.
I like to sing in the bathtub.

1176
01:06:24,482 --> 01:06:27,526
I'm a soprano. My friend Ronnie says
I sound like Marian Carey.

1177
01:06:28,986 --> 01:06:33,908
- Hello. What's your name?
- I'm Thurman. Thurman Merman.

1178
01:06:33,991 --> 01:06:36,619
For real? Ha!

1179
01:06:37,995 --> 01:06:39,955
Would you like to join us, Thurman?

1180
01:06:42,291 --> 01:06:43,918
This looks like it might fit.

1181
01:06:45,711 --> 01:06:48,088
- I get to wear this?
- Of course you do.

1182
01:06:48,172 --> 01:06:52,301
You're a Santa now, Thurman.
Go ahead, put it on.

1183
01:06:57,097 --> 01:06:58,599
It's got a lot of paper trash in it,

1184
01:06:58,682 --> 01:07:02,603
so I think it should be a light landing
for both of you. Okay?

1185
01:07:02,686 --> 01:07:04,021
- [door closes]
- So...

1186
01:07:04,104 --> 01:07:08,192
Where the fuck have you been? We gotta
lock everything down for tomorrow.

1187
01:07:08,275 --> 01:07:11,570
[keys jangling]
- That's my boy!

1188
01:07:11,654 --> 01:07:15,282
- Shit. How'd you get that?
- He tapped that security girl.

1189
01:07:15,366 --> 01:07:20,037
[Marcus] Ha-ha. Very funny.
Wait... for real?

1190
01:07:20,120 --> 01:07:23,749
I didn't exactly have to talk her into it.
She was wetter than Lake Michigan.

1191
01:07:23,832 --> 01:07:26,001
Matter of fact, I think she roofied me.

1192
01:07:26,085 --> 01:07:28,837
[Sunny] Ah, rohypnol.
Excellent icebreaker.

1193
01:07:28,921 --> 01:07:31,632
Of course, it's harder for the girl
because she's gotta get off

1194
01:07:31,715 --> 01:07:33,634
- before the drugs soften the noodle.
- Yeah.

1195
01:07:33,717 --> 01:07:35,427
Ya! You no good motherfucker!

1196
01:07:35,511 --> 01:07:36,637
- What the fuck?
- [Marcus] You...

1197
01:07:36,720 --> 01:07:38,222
- [Willie] God!
- [Sunny] Get off of him!

1198
01:07:38,305 --> 01:07:39,974
- Hey! Get off of him you little shit!
- [grunts]

1199
01:07:40,057 --> 01:07:41,559
- [Marcus] I'll kill your ass!
- [Willie] Let go of me!

1200
01:07:41,642 --> 01:07:43,394
- Motherfucker!
- Get off of him!

1201
01:07:43,477 --> 01:07:45,980
- [grunts]
- Oh, jeez, I'm sorry.

1202
01:07:46,063 --> 01:07:48,190
[Marcus] Hey, goddamn pussy!
You motherfucker!

1203
01:07:48,274 --> 01:07:50,693
Just get off of him. Hey! [groans]

1204
01:07:50,776 --> 01:07:53,737
- [thuds]
- [Willie] Goddamn it!

1205
01:07:53,821 --> 01:07:56,240
- [Willie] Ow!

1206
01:07:58,075 --> 01:08:00,369
- [coughs, groans]
- [Willie] Goddamn!

1207
01:08:02,705 --> 01:08:05,749
My first shot at a good piece of ass
after nearly ten years

1208
01:08:05,833 --> 01:08:08,627
and you gotta go
and take a dump on that too.

1209
01:08:08,711 --> 01:08:10,379
- [Marcus] Fuck you!
- It was just business.

1210
01:08:10,462 --> 01:08:13,007
You just ruined
a perfectly good piece of pussy

1211
01:08:13,090 --> 01:08:15,050
with that diseased-ass dick of yours.

1212
01:08:15,134 --> 01:08:19,221
I'm glad I tea-bagged your drunk ass,
you fucking piece-of-shit motherfucker!

1213
01:08:19,305 --> 01:08:22,641
Would you get it together?
Tomorrow is go time.

1214
01:08:22,725 --> 01:08:25,811
- [Marcus] I need some air.
- [coughs]

1215
01:08:27,521 --> 01:08:28,522
[sighs]

1216
01:08:28,606 --> 01:08:33,944
Now, see? Who the fuck does he think
he is talking to you that way?

1217
01:08:34,028 --> 01:08:37,531
- That's it. We're cutting him out.
- What? Fuck no.

1218
01:08:37,615 --> 01:08:40,701
I mean, he's just steamed a little bit.
He'll be fine.

1219
01:08:40,784 --> 01:08:43,078
Okay, you wanna share
half of your take with him?

1220
01:08:43,162 --> 01:08:45,873
- Be my guest.
- You know, I don't fucking get you.

1221
01:08:45,956 --> 01:08:48,375
I mean, you're the one
that brought that little shit in.

1222
01:08:48,459 --> 01:08:53,130
No, shitstick. I brought you in.
You're the safe cracker.

1223
01:08:53,213 --> 01:08:57,176
He can't even crack his own ass.
Fuck that.

1224
01:08:57,259 --> 01:08:59,970
We're going to Mexico. [coughs]

1225
01:09:00,054 --> 01:09:03,515
[grunts] It's loaded now.
You're good to go.

1226
01:09:03,599 --> 01:09:05,225
[sighs]

1227
01:09:06,518 --> 01:09:08,395
You did this whole fucking thing

1228
01:09:08,479 --> 01:09:11,649
just to have me to go
to shit-ass Mexico with you?

1229
01:09:11,732 --> 01:09:16,278
I just thought it might be fun to spend
Christmas with the only family I got left.

1230
01:09:16,362 --> 01:09:21,200
- Why's that such a surprise?
- Well... [chuckles]

1231
01:09:22,368 --> 01:09:27,164
You know, they'd grant Charles Manson
fucking parole if it wasn't for one thing.

1232
01:09:27,247 --> 01:09:31,251
- He's Charles Manson.
- I get it.

1233
01:09:31,335 --> 01:09:36,840
Maybe I don't blame you.
But things change at the end of the road.

1234
01:09:37,716 --> 01:09:40,469
- [knocking on door]
- [Thurman] Willie?

1235
01:09:40,552 --> 01:09:43,097
- [Thurman] Willie, you in there?
- Get rid of him.

1236
01:09:46,475 --> 01:09:48,435
- Is this an emergency?
- No.

1237
01:09:48,519 --> 01:09:51,063
I just wanted to invite you
to the Christmas concert tomorrow, Willie.

1238
01:09:51,146 --> 01:09:52,231
I'm singing in the choir.

1239
01:09:52,314 --> 01:09:55,776
We're doing all the Christmas carols,
"Silent Night," "Deck the Halls,"

1240
01:09:55,859 --> 01:09:59,071
"Jingle Bells," "Veni, Veni, Emmanuel."
That one's in Latin.

1241
01:09:59,154 --> 01:10:02,616
I know you're busy, but it's only for
an hour and all the parents are coming.

1242
01:10:02,700 --> 01:10:04,785
And I know you're not my real family,

1243
01:10:04,868 --> 01:10:08,205
but when you don't have real family,
then you have to make a new one.

1244
01:10:08,288 --> 01:10:10,040
And it's actually better
because then you get to pick the people

1245
01:10:10,124 --> 01:10:11,583
who are in your family.

1246
01:10:11,667 --> 01:10:13,001
And you're the family I picked.

1247
01:10:14,545 --> 01:10:16,755
And that's why I followed you to Chicago.

1248
01:10:16,839 --> 01:10:18,549
Because I didn't want you
to spend Christmas alone.

1249
01:10:20,634 --> 01:10:23,679
So can you come? And then maybe
after we can go to SantaCon or...

1250
01:10:23,762 --> 01:10:26,598
I, I can't. I can't come.

1251
01:10:32,771 --> 01:10:37,067
- Look, I'll try to make it. Okay?
- Okay. I'll look for you, Willie.

1252
01:10:37,151 --> 01:10:38,861
I'll look for you
and I'll wave like this. Okay?

1253
01:10:38,944 --> 01:10:40,821
Yeah. Okay, All right. Good deal.

1254
01:10:40,904 --> 01:10:44,783
- All right. I'll see you.
- Bye, Willie.

1255
01:10:44,867 --> 01:10:46,410
[door closes]

1256
01:10:46,493 --> 01:10:50,539
What are you, the fucking FBI?
That place is gonna be crowded.

1257
01:10:50,622 --> 01:10:52,040
He won't even know I'm not there.

1258
01:10:52,124 --> 01:10:53,709
- Good.
- [Thurman] Good night, Elf!

1259
01:10:53,792 --> 01:10:55,711
For a minute there,
I thought you were going soft.

1260
01:10:55,794 --> 01:10:57,838
[muttering]

1261
01:10:59,423 --> 01:11:03,260
I hate your guts, motherfucker.
But business is business.

1262
01:11:03,343 --> 01:11:04,636
Let's do this.

1263
01:11:07,347 --> 01:11:10,350
[indistinct chattering]

1264
01:11:10,434 --> 01:11:12,060
- Hi, thank you so much for coming.
- Okay?

1265
01:11:12,144 --> 01:11:14,229
- You look gorgeous.
- Amazing. Hi, good to see you.

1266
01:11:14,313 --> 01:11:16,482
[engine revving]

1267
01:11:17,524 --> 01:11:20,611
- Time?
- Concert starts in five.

1268
01:11:21,904 --> 01:11:23,363
[applause]

1269
01:11:30,370 --> 01:11:32,581
As you know,
Christmas is a time for giving.

1270
01:11:32,664 --> 01:11:35,125
And we want to thank you all
for being here tonight.

1271
01:11:40,214 --> 01:11:44,384
All right, let's sync them up, boys.
At 7:45, the power goes down.

1272
01:11:44,468 --> 01:11:45,552
That's on me.

1273
01:11:45,636 --> 01:11:48,597
You got ten minutes to get
to Regent's office, crack that safe,

1274
01:11:48,680 --> 01:11:50,974
grab the money,
throw it down the garbage chute

1275
01:11:51,058 --> 01:11:54,186
and then get the hell out of there
before anybody knows what's hit them.

1276
01:11:54,269 --> 01:11:59,483
Now please join me in welcoming
the Giving City Children's Choir.

1277
01:11:59,566 --> 01:12:01,276
[applause]

1278
01:12:03,111 --> 01:12:06,907
And without further ado, I would like
to introduce our choirmaster, Renee.

1279
01:12:06,990 --> 01:12:08,826
[applause]

1280
01:12:08,909 --> 01:12:12,329
You got a match? Well, send it over!

1281
01:12:12,412 --> 01:12:16,500
Now we're gonna get this party started
with an old favorite.

1282
01:12:16,583 --> 01:12:18,961
<i>[choir singing]
♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪</i>

1283
01:12:19,044 --> 01:12:21,505
<i>Fa la la la la la la la la</i>

1284
01:12:21,588 --> 01:12:26,385
<i>♪ Tis the season to be jolly
Fa la la la la la la la la ♪</i>

1285
01:12:26,468 --> 01:12:31,557
<i>♪ Sing we joyous all together
Fa la la la la la la la la ♪</i>

1286
01:12:31,640 --> 01:12:36,770
<i>♪ Heedless of the wind and weather
Fa la la la la la la la la ♪</i>

1287
01:12:36,854 --> 01:12:43,318
<i>♪ Fa la la la la la la la la
La la la ♪</i>

1288
01:12:45,237 --> 01:12:46,488
[applause]

1289
01:12:46,572 --> 01:12:49,074
- This is all your handiwork.
- [Willie] Huh?

1290
01:12:49,157 --> 01:12:52,578
The money you helped us raise,
it gave Christmas to these kids.

1291
01:12:52,661 --> 01:12:54,621
You're part of the family now.

1292
01:13:02,504 --> 01:13:03,547
Hmm.

1293
01:13:05,799 --> 01:13:08,343
[Gina] Ugh! Boring.

1294
01:13:11,638 --> 01:13:13,557
Ooh, that's hot.

1295
01:13:20,355 --> 01:13:21,398
Oh.

1296
01:13:25,277 --> 01:13:29,406
Oh, yeah. Who's got the pussy lips now,
motherfucker?

1297
01:13:30,866 --> 01:13:33,076
- I never gave you this.
- [choirmaster] Thank you. Thank you.

1298
01:13:33,160 --> 01:13:34,161
Room 523.

1299
01:13:34,244 --> 01:13:35,954
[choirmaster]
I'd like to call to the stage now

1300
01:13:36,038 --> 01:13:39,625
a very special member of our choir.

1301
01:13:39,708 --> 01:13:43,670
Please say hello to Thurman Merman.
Thurman?

1302
01:13:43,754 --> 01:13:45,339
[applause]

1303
01:13:45,422 --> 01:13:48,300
["Silent Night" playing]

1304
01:13:51,803 --> 01:13:55,849
<i>[sings] Silent night ♪</i>

1305
01:13:55,933 --> 01:14:00,228
<i>♪ Holy night ♪</i>

1306
01:14:00,312 --> 01:14:03,607
<i>♪ All is calm ♪</i>

1307
01:14:04,524 --> 01:14:07,903
<i>♪ All is bright ♪</i>

1308
01:14:07,986 --> 01:14:14,993
<i>♪ 'Round yon virgin mother and child ♪</i>

1309
01:14:16,787 --> 01:14:23,418
<i>♪ Holy infant so tender and mild ♪</i>

1310
01:14:24,753 --> 01:14:31,635
<i>♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪</i>

1311
01:14:33,428 --> 01:14:39,059
<i>♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪</i>

1312
01:14:41,520 --> 01:14:45,399
<i>♪ Silent night ♪</i>

1313
01:14:45,482 --> 01:14:49,778
<i>♪ Holy night ♪</i>

1314
01:14:49,861 --> 01:14:56,493
<i>♪ Shepherds quake at the sight ♪</i>

1315
01:14:57,828 --> 01:15:04,668
<i>♪ Glories stream from heaven afar ♪</i>

1316
01:15:06,086 --> 01:15:12,843
<i>♪ Heavenly hosts sing hallelujah ♪</i>

1317
01:15:13,719 --> 01:15:20,600
<i>♪ Christ the savior is born ♪</i>

1318
01:15:22,269 --> 01:15:27,232
<i>♪ Christ the savior is born ♪</i>

1319
01:15:28,817 --> 01:15:30,610
[cheering and applause]

1320
01:15:30,694 --> 01:15:32,320
Find them. All of them!

1321
01:15:37,826 --> 01:15:48,837
[beeping]

1322
01:15:48,920 --> 01:15:50,047
[beeps]

1323
01:15:53,675 --> 01:15:55,302
[applause]

1324
01:15:55,385 --> 01:15:56,803
Go! Go, go, go, go!

1325
01:15:56,887 --> 01:15:58,555
[cheering]

1326
01:15:58,638 --> 01:16:01,141
Gina, check the security cameras.

1327
01:16:01,224 --> 01:16:02,517
Copy, checking.

1328
01:16:04,061 --> 01:16:05,062
Oh, shit!

1329
01:16:09,775 --> 01:16:10,776
[beeps]

1330
01:16:14,738 --> 01:16:17,824
- Three minutes, Willie, come on!
- Shut the fuck up! I can't hear.

1331
01:16:17,908 --> 01:16:20,452
- Just hurry your ass!
- [beeps]

1332
01:16:27,292 --> 01:16:28,376
What the hell is this?

1333
01:16:28,460 --> 01:16:29,878
Wait, bring up my office,
I wanna see the safe.

1334
01:16:29,961 --> 01:16:32,172
I can't, sir.
It still has eight minutes to reboot.

1335
01:16:32,255 --> 01:16:33,632
What? Call the police!

1336
01:16:33,715 --> 01:16:35,217
- Let's go, come on!
- I'm on it.

1337
01:16:36,009 --> 01:16:39,554
Well, that can't be more
than half a million, 600 tops.

1338
01:16:39,638 --> 01:16:41,306
Well, fuck, that's all we got.

1339
01:16:41,389 --> 01:16:44,017
- [gun clicks]
- Perfect amount for my cut.

1340
01:16:47,229 --> 01:16:52,359
Are you shitting me? Really?
You know the old lady's right.

1341
01:16:54,945 --> 01:16:57,072
Not so big now, are you?

1342
01:17:14,214 --> 01:17:16,967
Come on, come on,
come on, come on. [hissing]

1343
01:17:18,844 --> 01:17:20,470
[Regent] Motherfuckers!

1344
01:17:20,554 --> 01:17:25,600
- Lock it down. The whole building!
- We're on a level-ten lockdown.

1345
01:17:25,684 --> 01:17:26,977
Lockdown level ten.

1346
01:17:28,979 --> 01:17:30,856
- Get in!
- You get in!

1347
01:17:30,939 --> 01:17:32,566
[Regent] Evacuate the concert!
And search everyone.

1348
01:17:40,740 --> 01:17:41,908
- [thudding]
[gasps]

1349
01:17:41,992 --> 01:17:45,370
- [Sunny] Halle-fucking-lujah!
- [Willie and Marcus grunt]

1350
01:17:45,453 --> 01:17:47,539
Oh, baby!

1351
01:17:47,622 --> 01:17:50,167
[police car sirens wailing]

1352
01:17:50,250 --> 01:17:51,710
- Oh!

1353
01:17:52,878 --> 01:17:54,796
Sweet Jesus, you made it!

1354
01:17:54,880 --> 01:17:57,716
What's the fucking Santy Claus outfit
all about?

1355
01:17:57,799 --> 01:17:59,509
Now step the fuck back!

1356
01:17:59,593 --> 01:18:02,679
- [giggles] What are you doing, runt?
- It's called thinning the herd.

1357
01:18:02,762 --> 01:18:06,141
World's gonna be a better place
without the fucking Sokes in it.

1358
01:18:06,224 --> 01:18:08,560
I'm gonna live like a king this time.

1359
01:18:08,643 --> 01:18:11,980
- A fucking sultan!
- Not in this lifetime, Sparky.

1360
01:18:12,063 --> 01:18:15,775
- The bag goes with me.
- You mean with us.

1361
01:18:15,859 --> 01:18:19,529
- No, I mean me.
- What the fuck did you just say?

1362
01:18:19,613 --> 01:18:23,742
When I said this was my last job,
I meant it was my last job with you.

1363
01:18:25,410 --> 01:18:29,122
I knew I should've left, second
I saw your miserable fucking face.

1364
01:18:30,874 --> 01:18:32,500
Why did I forget?

1365
01:18:32,584 --> 01:18:36,004
Nice job on the safe, though.
Yeah, I'm real proud of you.

1366
01:18:36,087 --> 01:18:38,465
Well, you know something, Mama?

1367
01:18:38,548 --> 01:18:40,550
Maybe you're not as smart
as you think you are.

1368
01:18:40,634 --> 01:18:44,095
- Did you forget about this?
- [police car sirens wailing]

1369
01:18:44,179 --> 01:18:47,015
Oh, how could I have forgotten?

1370
01:18:48,058 --> 01:18:51,394
Go ahead. Shoot me, shitstick.

1371
01:19:06,868 --> 01:19:08,578
They're blanks, Willie.

1372
01:19:08,662 --> 01:19:13,333
You really think I'd be dumb enough
to put real bullets in that gun?

1373
01:19:13,416 --> 01:19:16,962
Well, I ain't afraid of you, bitch!
I'll blow a hole through your ass so...

1374
01:19:17,045 --> 01:19:18,838
[grunts]

1375
01:19:20,882 --> 01:19:22,467
[Willie] The fuck?

1376
01:19:22,550 --> 01:19:24,427
[police] Drop your weapons!
Put your hands in the...

1377
01:19:24,511 --> 01:19:27,847
Hey, hang on a second. She's got
the money, I'm just a fucking guy!

1378
01:19:27,931 --> 01:19:29,933
[gunfire]

1379
01:19:31,851 --> 01:19:33,311
[gunfire]

1380
01:19:53,873 --> 01:19:56,668
Willie! Hey, Willie!

1381
01:20:01,339 --> 01:20:04,050
[pop music playing]

1382
01:20:07,095 --> 01:20:09,931
- [bouncer] Ticket please.
- [beeps]

1383
01:20:10,015 --> 01:20:12,976
[cheering]

1384
01:20:13,977 --> 01:20:20,191
[loud pop music playing]

1385
01:20:20,275 --> 01:20:22,485
[police car sirens wailing]

1386
01:20:27,240 --> 01:20:29,909
[police] Let us through right now.
We're chasing a suspect.

1387
01:20:29,993 --> 01:20:32,579
[indistinct dialogue]

1388
01:20:33,997 --> 01:20:37,167
[crowd cheering]

1389
01:20:42,130 --> 01:20:45,175
[cop speaking indistinctly]

1390
01:20:55,310 --> 01:20:56,770
- Come here.
- [grunts]

1391
01:20:59,773 --> 01:21:01,858
- [grunts]
- [man] Come on, man.

1392
01:21:15,580 --> 01:21:17,332
[Pants]

1393
01:21:19,167 --> 01:21:21,836
- Hey!
<i>'</i> [groans]

1394
01:21:21,920 --> 01:21:26,257
- Found this on the coffee table.
- Well, hoo-fucking-rah, William.

1395
01:21:26,341 --> 01:21:29,010
Well, give me the fucking bag.
I'm taking this back to the kids.

1396
01:21:29,094 --> 01:21:31,304
I'd rather them have it
than your sorry ass.

1397
01:21:31,388 --> 01:21:35,100
- Don't test me, boy.
- You're gonna shoot me too?

1398
01:21:35,183 --> 01:21:37,060
- [fireworks exploding]
- [grunts]

1399
01:21:37,143 --> 01:21:39,354
[crowd cheering]

1400
01:21:39,437 --> 01:21:45,860
- [groans] You fucking shot me!
- I told you I would. You never listen.

1401
01:21:47,278 --> 01:21:48,363
[grunts]

1402
01:21:48,446 --> 01:21:52,283
[Sunny] Let go of the bag, William.
Let go of the bag.

1403
01:21:52,367 --> 01:21:55,787
Goddamn it, let go of the fucking bag!

1404
01:21:58,164 --> 01:22:01,209
[cheering]

1405
01:22:03,503 --> 01:22:05,755
[man] Money!

1406
01:22:06,881 --> 01:22:09,676
[man] It's raining money!

1407
01:22:14,264 --> 01:22:15,682
[man] She's got a gun!

1408
01:22:18,435 --> 01:22:20,103
[Thurman] Willie!

1409
01:22:24,232 --> 01:22:25,608
[police] Drop the weapon! Get down!

1410
01:22:25,692 --> 01:22:28,069
The fuck is going on? Hey, goddamn it!

1411
01:22:28,153 --> 01:22:31,197
[Willie] I caught a fucking
midget-murdering fucking armed robber.

1412
01:22:31,281 --> 01:22:32,824
I'm a goddamn hero.

1413
01:22:50,592 --> 01:22:53,553
Don't worry, Willie. I'm okay.
It's just in my butt.

1414
01:22:56,139 --> 01:22:57,140
Willie?

1415
01:22:57,223 --> 01:23:00,059
- [heart rate monitor flat lines]
- No!

1416
01:23:02,645 --> 01:23:04,606
[Willie] Oh, f...

1417
01:23:05,565 --> 01:23:09,861
- [Willie groans]
- [woman] Stand clear.

1418
01:23:09,944 --> 01:23:11,696
[grunts]

1419
01:23:11,779 --> 01:23:16,701
Oh! Fuck me!

1420
01:23:16,784 --> 01:23:18,703
- [exhales]
- [sighs]

1421
01:23:18,786 --> 01:23:21,706
- Merry Christmas.
- Yeah.

1422
01:23:27,670 --> 01:23:30,798
<i>[Willie] Well, I guess this is
what they call</i> a <i>happy ending.</i>

1423
01:23:30,882 --> 01:23:34,802
<i>But as far as Christmas miracles go,
shit, I don't know.</i>

1424
01:23:34,886 --> 01:23:37,680
<i>That asshole Regent ended up
getting busted</i>

1425
01:23:37,764 --> 01:23:40,934
<i>while I got off clean by ratting out
my steaming pile of shit mother.</i>

1426
01:23:43,061 --> 01:23:46,648
<i>Guess I did learn one thing about family
from that crazy bitch.</i>

1427
01:23:46,731 --> 01:23:49,984
<i>And that is, if yours happens to be
a bag of dicks, then fuck them.</i>

1428
01:23:50,068 --> 01:23:52,695
<i>- [Willie] Start over.
- J' Oh yeah candles burning low ♪</i>

1429
01:23:54,030 --> 01:23:55,949
<i>♪ Lots of mistletoe ♪</i>

1430
01:23:56,991 --> 01:24:00,078
<i>♪ Lots of snow and ice ♪</i>

1431
01:24:00,161 --> 01:24:03,081
<i>♪ Everywhere we go ♪</i>

1432
01:24:03,164 --> 01:24:05,792
<i>♪ Choirs singing carols ♪</i>

1433
01:24:05,875 --> 01:24:08,586
<i>♪ Right outside my door ♪</i>

1434
01:24:08,670 --> 01:24:11,673
<i>♪ All these things and more ♪</i>

1435
01:24:11,756 --> 01:24:13,967
<i>♪ All these things and more, babe ♪</i>

1436
01:24:14,050 --> 01:24:17,011
<i>♪ That's what Christmas means to me
My love ♪</i>

1437
01:24:17,095 --> 01:24:22,642
<i>♪ That's what Christmas means to me
My love ♪</i>

1438
01:24:22,725 --> 01:24:24,852
<i>♪ >A' Yeah ♪</i>

1439
01:24:26,688 --> 01:24:30,316
<i>[Willie] So maybe there is no such thing
as a Christmas miracle, or whatever.</i>

1440
01:24:33,695 --> 01:24:37,865
<i>But I've worn the suit enough to know
a perfect Christmas gift when I see one.</i>

1441
01:24:42,370 --> 01:24:46,916
<i>And like the kid says,
"The best gifts are always a surprise."</i>

1442
01:24:54,048 --> 01:24:57,135
<i>So if a happy ending is staring at you
right in the fucking face,</i>

1443
01:24:57,218 --> 01:25:01,931
<i>then just say, "All right,
I guess I'll take it."</i>

1444
01:25:02,015 --> 01:25:05,435
<i>♪ And wish you a Merry Christmas, baby ♪</i>

1445
01:25:05,518 --> 01:25:07,103
<i>♪ Wish you a Merry Christmas, baby ♪</i>

1446
01:25:07,186 --> 01:25:10,231
<i>♪ And such happiness in the coming year ♪</i>

1447
01:25:10,315 --> 01:25:13,318
<i>♪ And such happiness in the coming year ♪</i>

1448
01:25:13,401 --> 01:25:16,696
<i>♪ Baby, baby, baby ♪</i>

1449
01:25:16,779 --> 01:25:19,115
<i>♪ All these things and more, baby ♪</i>

1450
01:25:19,198 --> 01:25:22,493
<i>♪ That's what Christmas means to me
My love ♪</i>

1451
01:25:22,577 --> 01:25:25,913
<i>♪ That's what Christmas means to me
My love ♪</i>

1452
01:25:25,997 --> 01:25:28,875
[groans]

1453
01:25:29,000 --> 01:25:30,376
[howls]