1
00:00:19,240 --> 00:00:22,437
<i>Mistress,</i>
<i>spank my bottom. Spank it really hard!</i>

2
00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:24,033
<i>Please, spank my bottom!</i>

3
00:00:24,200 --> 00:00:26,270
- That is unpleasant.
<i>- Spank it really hard.</i>

4
00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:28,678
<i>Lick my nipples.</i>

5
00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:30,512
No, thank you, pregnant lady.

6
00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:32,634
<i>Strip, soldier!</i>

7
00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:35,188
<i>You're gonna find out</i>
<i>why they call me the drill sergeant.</i>

8
00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:27,796
That's... <i>That's</i> nice, baby.

9
00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:32,473
No, Frizzy! No!

10
00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:39,677
No, no, no, Frizzy! No!

11
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:40,989
Frizzy.

12
00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:44,594
No, no, no, wait! Cody! No.

13
00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:06,469
<i>No, no, no, Frizzy! No!</i>

14
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,949
<i>Don't</i> worry about it, man.
<i>Everyone's</i> got a sex tape.

15
00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:10,075
Please.

16
00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:12,071
Yeah, except they're having sex with people.

17
00:02:13,120 --> 00:02:14,155
<i>- Frizzy.</i>
- Right.

18
00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:17,835
<i>It's</i> not technically incest
if your family <i>member's</i> a different species.

19
00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:19,638
So, are you getting close with Dana yet?

20
00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:22,154
The rumours are true. <i>She's</i> taken the pledge.

21
00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:24,674
No sex? She was your sure thing.

22
00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:28,270
- Faith-camp propaganda, man.
- <i>She's</i> waiting until marriage.

23
00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:30,436
I thought she had sex with six guys.

24
00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:36,309
What?

25
00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:38,668
Get to class.

26
00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:40,833
No cell phones in the hall, Alyson.

27
00:02:40,920 --> 00:02:43,195
You can pick this up from my office
today after school.

28
00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:46,716
<i>No, no, no, Frizzy! No! Frizzy!</i>

29
00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:48,792
Well, I've seen worse.

30
00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:51,835
<i>No, no, no, Frizzy! No!</i>

31
00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:55,790
Miss Johnson. Lunch today?

32
00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:59,797
I'll have to check my calendar, perv... Pete.

33
00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:06,557
<i>No, no, no, Frizzy! No! Frizzy!</i>

34
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,312
Look. Look. Look at that.

35
00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:12,191
<i>No, no, no, Frizzy! No! Frizzy!</i>

36
00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:17,709
- Hey, just ignore them.
- Oh, God. You saw it, too?

37
00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:21,435
- Just so you know, <i>it's</i> not at all...
- Hey, <i>don't</i> worry about it.

38
00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:24,234
<i>Frizzy's</i> a good-looking dog.

39
00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:28,470
So, do you wanna do it? Are we on?

40
00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:32,952
Rob? Rob? Are we on for seventh period?

41
00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:35,469
Yeah. I... I'll...

42
00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:38,350
- I'll meet you over there.
- Okay.

43
00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:42,677
- Doggy style!
- Hey, Stifler.

44
00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:44,159
Is that your girlfriend?

45
00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:46,515
No, we're just... We're just... We're friends.

46
00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:49,189
Just friends? How sweet.

47
00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:53,316
Well, she seems awful ripe.
If you <i>don't</i> pick the fruit, I will.

48
00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:56,477
Hey, beautiful.

49
00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:01,555
Wow!

50
00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:05,598
<i>Good morning,</i>
<i>East Great Falls Blazers.</i>

51
00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:08,478
<i>Don't forget about the big game</i>
<i>against Central this week</i>

52
00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:12,473
<i>and the Aloha Dance this Friday</i>
<i>from 7:00 to midnight.</i>

53
00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:16,599
<i>Hawaiian shirts and leis</i>
<i>are recommended for entrance.</i>

54
00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:20,872
<i>- Charles, knock that off.</i>
<i>- Sorry.</i>

55
00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:44,310
<i>Let's</i> focus on the quiz, please.

56
00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:56,313
Douche bag.

57
00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:25,316
<i>I'm</i> serious about this pledge, you know.

58
00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:26,475
I know.

59
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:29,472
- So just dancing tonight.
- Yeah. Just dancing.

60
00:05:29,840 --> 00:05:31,353
The horizontal hula.

61
00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:33,112
Nathan.

62
00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:41,228
Poor Nathan.

63
00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:43,834
His willy must be hard enough
to cut glass by now.

64
00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:46,195
Nathan loves me, and Nathan respects me.

65
00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:50,353
Okay. A, a guy never respects a girl
enough to give up sex.

66
00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:52,631
And, B, well, what about you?

67
00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:55,593
You must be feeling
pretty randy by now, Dana.

68
00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:58,828
Okay, well, yeah, maybe, like, the tiniest bit,

69
00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:01,275
but I really feel like <i>I'm</i> connecting
with the higher power here.

70
00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:03,828
Yes, I know, and that is totally fab,

71
00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:07,151
but I know I <i>couldn't</i> do it.
<i>I'm</i> way too into giving blow jobs.

72
00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:09,113
Ask Richard.

73
00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:11,910
Hey, <i>don't</i> listen to Imogen, okay?

74
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:14,878
Sex is a really big deal,
and if you feel like you're not ready,

75
00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:17,030
then I think you should wait.

76
00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:19,675
But...

77
00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:22,991
No offence, Heidi, but you have no idea
what you're talking about.

78
00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:27,758
Text me later.

79
00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:36,391
- Hey, Rob.
- Yeah?

80
00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:38,996
- Can I ask you something?
- Sure. <i>What's</i> up?

81
00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:40,991
Well, <i>it's</i> kind of personal.

82
00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:44,074
Okay.

83
00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:48,555
I've been thinking.
You know <i>I'm</i> a virgin, right?

84
00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:50,834
<i>It's</i> just... I <i>don't</i> know.

85
00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:53,150
<i>Everyone's</i> already done it
like a million times already,

86
00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:56,556
and I know I <i>don't</i> have a boyfriend
or whatever, but...

87
00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:59,516
But sometimes I feel like I should just
get it over with.

88
00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:03,639
You know? I mean,
just get past this whole thing, this virgin.

89
00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:06,191
What does that even mean, anyway?

90
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:09,711
So I've never had a penis in my vagina,
but so what?

91
00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:13,271
Why do I have to label everything?
Like, "She's too innocent.

92
00:07:13,360 --> 00:07:16,238
<i>"She can't</i> handle it." <i>I'm</i> not that innocent.

93
00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:18,515
I've seen <i>Showgirls</i> and <i>Blue Lagoon.</i>

94
00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:25,272
Anyways, I think I've decided to just do it.
But what do you think?

95
00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:30,914
Yeah. I think you should definitely
go ahead and get it over with.

96
00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:32,712
Thanks.

97
00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:37,119
<i>Let's</i> get back to work.

98
00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:59,552
Stifcam coming at you live
from the Aloha Dance

99
00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:01,671
here at the East Great Falls...

100
00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:03,673
This chick just grabbed my ass.

101
00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:06,194
She wants to play
the <i>Stifmeister's</i> flute skin.

102
00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:08,999
Let go find some of that
sweet-looking pinoche, Gibbsy.

103
00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:34,951
Hey, check it out. <i>There's</i> Heidi.

104
00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:38,388
All right, all right.
She looks highly doable.

105
00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:40,871
All right, so <i>what's</i> the game plan here?

106
00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:42,791
I <i>don't</i> know. Ask her to dance, I guess.

107
00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:46,190
You need a plan, all right?
<i>It's</i> all about establishing your intentions.

108
00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:49,238
See, right now,
she thinks of you as just a friend.

109
00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:50,999
You need to break that paradigm.

110
00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:54,550
Remember, friends <i>don't</i> let friends
just be friends.

111
00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:57,359
- Right.
- <i>I'm</i> serious. You cannot puss out here.

112
00:08:57,440 --> 00:09:00,000
All right, take it easy.
<i>I'm</i> gonna go talk to her.

113
00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:03,914
Wait. <i>Aren't</i> you forgetting something?

114
00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:07,633
Oh. Oh. Oh.

115
00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:09,398
Here, <i>don't</i> forget these.

116
00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:12,276
You only need those when you're alone.

117
00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:14,473
Right. Right. Okay.

118
00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:28,880
- Okay!
- What? <i>What's</i> wrong?

119
00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:30,188
I can't.

120
00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:33,238
- But <i>it's</i> only second base.
- I know. But if we go there,

121
00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:35,311
then we're gonna wanna go further.

122
00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:38,071
But Adam and Eve did it.

123
00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:41,589
<i>I'm</i> sorry. Hey, hey.

124
00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:44,314
I love you. Do you know that?

125
00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:48,559
Come here.

126
00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:54,034
Is God okay with a blow job?

127
00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:58,316
I thought you understood
how I felt about this.

128
00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:01,073
I told you, <i>it's</i> important for me
to save myself until marriage.

129
00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:02,673
You've had sex with seven guys.

130
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:09,195
And it was six, not seven!

131
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,868
Well, one was a black guy,
so he counts as two.

132
00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:13,909
Dana.

133
00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:16,797
- Dana, come on.
- Fuck off.

134
00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:20,118
Dana. Come on, Dana. Dana!

135
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:31,111
Hey, girls.
This is gonna be for Sit-on-my-face-book.

136
00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:33,475
I need you to kiss one time, okay?

137
00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:35,269
I <i>don't</i> know.

138
00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:38,432
Come on.
<i>It's</i> gonna be seen by millions of people.

139
00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:40,869
Okay.

140
00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:46,394
Okay, we're gonna go again,

141
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:49,153
but this time,
sneak in some tongue for daddy.

142
00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:50,514
Okay.

143
00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:59,236
<i>That's</i> what <i>I'm</i> talking about, baby!

144
00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:03,791
Stifmeister strikes again!

145
00:11:05,560 --> 00:11:06,675
Dude.

146
00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:09,790
You're gonna love this. Check this out.

147
00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:13,553
Yeah. So?

148
00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:15,194
Watch and learn.

149
00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:21,239
<i>"You're</i> hot.

150
00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:26,919
<i>"Give me your number
and <i>let's</i> get together."

151
00:11:29,560 --> 00:11:31,835
I throw this at a hot girl,

152
00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:35,196
and <i>she's</i> so impressed
that <i>I'm</i> literally throwing around a Benjamin

153
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:37,515
that she wants to hook up with me.

154
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:40,034
Yeah. Good luck with that.

155
00:11:40,560 --> 00:11:42,869
- <i>I'm</i> gonna go find Dana.
- All right, man.

156
00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:08,434
Oh, no.

157
00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:10,193
Oh, God.

158
00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:16,280
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Watch out. Coming through.

159
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:22,433
So, I was thinking about what
we were talking about, you know, before.

160
00:12:22,680 --> 00:12:27,629
- Yeah. Yeah, I remember.
- Right. So I was thinking, why wait?

161
00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:30,519
Right? I mean, you might as well,
you know, get it over with.

162
00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:32,750
What? Like, here? At the dance?

163
00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:34,671
Well, <i>there's</i> always the library.

164
00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:37,400
- Yeah, the library.
- <i>I'm</i> kidding.

165
00:12:37,560 --> 00:12:40,279
- Yeah. I know.
- But seriously, after the dance,

166
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:41,395
I <i>don't</i> know if you...

167
00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:46,679
- What are you doing?
- Looking for my money.

168
00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:49,236
- C-note thing?
- Yeah.

169
00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:51,517
- Lose your money?
- Shut up.

170
00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:52,869
Ooh.

171
00:12:56,720 --> 00:13:00,235
And we're back. <i>What's</i> up, dude?
<i>Where's</i> Heidi?

172
00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:03,154
I <i>don't</i> know.

173
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:06,958
- She was here a second ago.
- Maybe she went to the bathroom.

174
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,953
- Yeah, maybe.
- <i>Dana's</i> pissed at me.

175
00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:12,510
Dude, you gotta play along
with this whole pledge thing.

176
00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:14,079
Well, <i>that's</i> easy for you to say.

177
00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:15,798
You <i>haven't</i> exactly
broken the seal yet, either.

178
00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:18,235
Dude, I've been getting to third base
on a regular basis.

179
00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:20,436
I <i>can't</i> go back to jacking off now.

180
00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:24,399
Dude, just use your left hand.
It feels completely different.

181
00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:28,678
- <i>I'm</i> gonna go find Heidi.
- <i>I'm</i> gonna go find Dana.

182
00:13:52,880 --> 00:13:55,952
No! Dude,
you're gonna make me hurl.

183
00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:04,959
Heidi?

184
00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:14,430
No, no, no, no!

185
00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:16,755
Wait.

186
00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:19,439
Dude, yo.

187
00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:22,239
Sluts.

188
00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:47,154
What the hell?

189
00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:51,509
Relax, dude.

190
00:14:58,200 --> 00:14:59,519
Get off me, you freak!

191
00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:07,791
Hey, a hundred bucks!

192
00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:26,999
What are you doing?

193
00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:29,990
Rob? You said...

194
00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:31,509
Rob!

195
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,272
Dude, nice cock block.

196
00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:41,239
<i>I'm</i> on fire.

197
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:43,433
- <i>I'm</i> on fire.
- Oh, my God.

198
00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:47,149
<i>There's</i> a fire. <i>There's</i> a fire, and <i>it's</i> on me.

199
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:53,388
Oh, my God.

200
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:58,796
Rob! Rob! Put it out. Take off
your pants! Take off... Take your pants off!

201
00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:00,354
Oh, God!

202
00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:02,072
Come on!

203
00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:07,353
Oh, my God. Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

204
00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:09,829
Hurry, Rob, come on.

205
00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:11,952
Get it out! Get it out!

206
00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:17,875
Oh, God.

207
00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:23,471
What the hell is going on in here?

208
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:32,510
Two months seems like an awfully long time
for Saturday detention.

209
00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:34,591
We're supposed to clean up the library.

210
00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:37,197
Do you guys know where the vacuum is?

211
00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:38,395
Nope.

212
00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:42,675
What were you doing in the library anyway?

213
00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:45,591
I <i>wasn't</i> doing anything.
Heidi was already in there.

214
00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:48,478
- I was just looking for her.
- I heard she was blowing some dude.

215
00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:52,394
Cody! Well, I <i>don't</i> know
how you're gonna go on the school ski trip

216
00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:53,833
if you're still on detention.

217
00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:56,593
Mom, I <i>don't</i> see what that has to do with it.
I <i>didn't</i> do anything.

218
00:16:56,680 --> 00:16:58,159
I heard you were the fluffer.

219
00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:00,791
- Cody.
- Look. His lips are chapped.

220
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:03,274
Well, we'll see.

221
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:06,629
All right. I have to go get ready.

222
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,031
Maybe <i>it's</i> in the garage.

223
00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:17,352
Rob? I wanna have a little chat with you.

224
00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:18,675
Do we have to?

225
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:22,070
Honey, I know that you're growing older,

226
00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:25,675
and I <i>don't</i> know what your father
has told you about things,

227
00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:28,672
but I think <i>it's</i> important to discuss
everything, you know?

228
00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:30,478
Like about sex.

229
00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:34,788
- Are you having sex?
- Mom, I <i>don't</i> wanna talk about this.

230
00:17:34,880 --> 00:17:39,396
No, well, <i>it's</i> just that I found
this sock in the laundry, and, well...

231
00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:42,149
Oh, God, Mom. Put that away.

232
00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:49,549
And, also,
somebody sent me a link to this video.

233
00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:51,917
<i>No, no, no, Frizzy! No.</i>

234
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:53,592
- Mom, just turn it off!
- I <i>don't</i> know how!

235
00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:55,238
Your brother made it my start-up screen.

236
00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:57,231
- Okay, I can... I can fix that.
- You can? Great.

237
00:17:57,320 --> 00:17:58,309
- Yeah.
- Thanks.

238
00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:00,118
<i>- No, no, no, Frizzy! No!</i>
- Thank you for that.

239
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:01,758
- Okay.
- And we're done. Right? Yeah.

240
00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:04,070
Well, honey, please.
<i>There's</i> no reason to be ashamed.

241
00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:05,752
Masturbation is perfectly natural.

242
00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:09,628
I mean, boys your age
are maybe into experimentation

243
00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:12,837
and trying new things with animals.

244
00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:16,830
I mean, Frizzy, <i>she's</i> been in our family for...
Since she was a puppy...

245
00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:18,871
Hey, <i>I'm</i> late.

246
00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:31,589
- You're tardy.
- Sorry.

247
00:18:32,640 --> 00:18:34,790
You can start by cleaning off
all the damaged books

248
00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:38,270
and separating the ruined ones.
I'll be checking on you.

249
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:43,559
Heidi. Look, about last night...

250
00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:45,519
I <i>don't</i> wanna talk about it.

251
00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:49,109
- Well, I just wanted to tell you...
- Rob.

252
00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:53,077
<i>I'm</i> gonna go empty this bucket.

253
00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:43,636
Do you have any idea what I found here?

254
00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:46,109
- This is the bible.
- I thought that was an urban legend.

255
00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:48,475
No. This is real. This goes back decades.

256
00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:50,391
Okay. So what?

257
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,948
This is exactly what we need
to finally get laid.

258
00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:56,069
How is this thing gonna help us get laid?
<i>It's</i> ruined.

259
00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:58,310
You <i>can't</i> even read most of it.

260
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:01,198
This book has helped one lucky guy
each year at Great Falls.

261
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:04,392
And this year, that lucky guy is us.

262
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:08,396
Even with the damage, it still has
a ton of useful stuff. Check this out.

263
00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:12,756
<i>"February 1st, 1977. The G-spot."

264
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:17,794
What else you got?

265
00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:21,670
<i>"1991. How to shave your pubes
to make your dick look bigger."

266
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:23,673
Dad showed me that one.

267
00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:27,719
<i>"2003. I just had
the most amazing sexual experience."

268
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:31,714
Something I <i>can't</i> read.
<i>"She used a breath mint."

269
00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:34,674
A breath mint? For what?

270
00:20:35,120 --> 00:20:39,432
You moron. You stick it up your tailpipe and
the minty-ness makes your asshole twitch.

271
00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:41,993
Everyone knows that.

272
00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:44,996
Dude, I <i>don't</i> know. This sounds pretty weak.

273
00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:47,548
Plus, I mean, we can find most of this stuff
on the internet anyway.

274
00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:50,313
No, this is different.
This has personal experiences.

275
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:52,709
Plus, <i>it's</i> custom-tailored to Great Falls girls.

276
00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:54,518
Since when does punani have a zip code?

277
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:57,558
What have we got to lose? Nathan,
you've been working on Dana for, what?

278
00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:01,349
Like six months? Only to find out that
she loves the Lord more than sex?

279
00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:06,277
And, Lube, how have all your schemes
to get laid been working out so far?

280
00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:07,429
Minus $100.

281
00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:12,036
Exactly, and me, well, I've been wasting
all my time on some fantasy that someday

282
00:21:12,120 --> 00:21:15,157
<i>Heidi's</i> gonna fall madly in love with me.
Face it, guys, we need help.

283
00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:17,669
And this is it, staring us right in the face.

284
00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:20,434
- <i>I'm</i> in.
- All right.

285
00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:22,309
<i>I'm</i> in.

286
00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:23,469
- Yeah.
- Yes.

287
00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:25,875
- Yeah!
- Yeah!

288
00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:27,678
Hey, easy. Guys, <i>it's</i> old.

289
00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:30,117
<i>"May 1st, 1990.

290
00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:35,309
<i>"The simplest way into a girl's</i> pants
is still basic flattery."

291
00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:39,155
<i>That's</i> it? Just flatter her?

292
00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:41,112
- <i>That's</i> it.
- Well, think about it.

293
00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:42,997
How many times do you actually do it?

294
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:46,118
Walk up to a girl and say,
<i>"Wow, you have beautiful eyes."

295
00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:50,796
Like, never. <i>It's</i> telling us the only proven
way to get women is to be an asshole,

296
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:53,997
<i>'cause the guys that actually spew
that kind of crap get laid.

297
00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:56,469
Check it out. Twelve o'clock.

298
00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:32,509
- All right. <i>Let's</i> put this bible to a test.
- Yes.

299
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:35,400
- You go talk to her.
- <i>I'm</i> not trying it out on Ashley.

300
00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:38,392
Why <i>don't</i> you go talk to her,
<i>'cause you're the one who likes her?

301
00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:41,830
- <i>I'm</i> eating.
- Okay. I'll do it.

302
00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:14,236
Hey, Ashley.

303
00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:16,276
Hey, Rob. Shopping for your girlfriend?

304
00:23:16,360 --> 00:23:19,557
No... This is... <i>It's</i> for my mom.

305
00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:22,714
<i>She's</i> dating again.

306
00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:39,549
Well, you know, I...
Actually, I wanted to say,

307
00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:44,398
you know,
you have the most gorgeous teeth.

308
00:23:49,120 --> 00:23:52,317
Hey. Come with me.

309
00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:59,438
Jealous? <i>He's</i> making a move
on your lady friend.

310
00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:02,075
Unlike you, I <i>don't</i> mind sharing my women.

311
00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:04,950
And what are
you wankers up to today?

312
00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:06,871
- Cheerio.
- Hello, love.

313
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:07,949
Word to your mumsie.

314
00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:10,156
Just waiting for some ladies
to join us, in fact.

315
00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:12,754
You nancy boys <i>couldn't</i> get laid
at a Jonas Brothers concert

316
00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:16,310
with a fistful of backstage passes. Cheerio.

317
00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:20,239
Was that a slam?

318
00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:22,073
You bet your bollocks.

319
00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:23,599
- Hold this.
- Yeah.

320
00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:38,793
How does this look?

321
00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:42,439
Great, I'll take it.

322
00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:44,629
Stand up.

323
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:51,676
Wait, what... What's... Wait, hold... Hold on.

324
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:53,389
Oh.

325
00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:07,114
Should I call you?

326
00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:11,119
Just walk out of the store
and meet me at the food court.

327
00:25:13,360 --> 00:25:14,475
Act natural.

328
00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:42,275
Can I help you?

329
00:25:42,360 --> 00:25:46,512
No. No. I'm... <i>I'm</i> just browsing.

330
00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:50,279
Okay, then.

331
00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:53,035
- Have a nice day.
- You, too.

332
00:25:59,120 --> 00:26:02,635
<i>I'm</i> sorry! I <i>wasn't</i> stealing.
It was a... It was a prank.

333
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:05,598
I am so sorry.
I think we left the tags on your garments.

334
00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:09,355
Please come back to the register.
We'll figure this out. <i>I'm</i> so embarrassed.

335
00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:21,432
Oh, my God.

336
00:26:23,120 --> 00:26:25,236
Sorry, I... I got excited.

337
00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:33,392
That'll be 149.90.

338
00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:36,835
- How much?
- 149.90.

339
00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:39,279
But they're so small.

340
00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:49,674
- Madeleine?
- <i>It's</i> my mom. I'm... I have a note.

341
00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:05,676
- Thank you.
- Have a nice day.

342
00:27:06,360 --> 00:27:07,679
Come again.

343
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:17,672
What took you so long? Did you get it?

344
00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:21,594
Sure did. I even stole you a bag so
you <i>don't</i> have to touch it till you get home.

345
00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:23,113
Great. Thanks.

346
00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:25,711
Hey. <i>What's</i> up, Ashley?

347
00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:27,671
What are you pillow biters doing here?

348
00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:28,795
Stifler.

349
00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:31,474
<i>Don't</i> eat that. You're gonna get fat.

350
00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:34,597
<i>I'm</i> super horny.
Wanna suck me off in the Sharper Image?

351
00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:35,869
Okay.

352
00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:54,029
Dana.
Excuse me. <i>I'm</i> so sorry.

353
00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:56,754
<i>Didn't</i> mean to disrupt the...
This <i>morning's</i> mass.

354
00:27:56,840 --> 00:27:59,308
What are you doing here?

355
00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:01,511
I wanted to say <i>I'm</i> sorry.

356
00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:04,792
Did you really think that
this is the best time to discuss this?

357
00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:07,478
Well, you <i>weren't</i> answering any of my texts.

358
00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:11,431
- I'll be right back, okay?
- Okay.

359
00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:13,556
<i>What is faith?</i>

360
00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:15,995
<i>When you flip the light switch</i>
<i>in your kitchen,</i>

361
00:28:16,080 --> 00:28:18,389
<i>you know that the light will turn on.</i>

362
00:28:18,480 --> 00:28:23,713
<i>Some might call that faith, but I tell you,</i>
<i>that is not the real faith.</i>

363
00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:27,755
Okay, so what is so important that
you needed to come and interrupt church?

364
00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:29,478
I <i>don't</i> really get why
you're so mad at me right now.

365
00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:33,519
Because you <i>don't</i> respect me.
This is all just a big joke to you.

366
00:28:33,680 --> 00:28:37,036
You know what? You're right,
because this is just another phase for you.

367
00:28:37,120 --> 00:28:38,599
Just like your little stint on yearbook.

368
00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:41,035
You stuck with that for, what,
two weeks before you got bored with it?

369
00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:43,475
Why is it so hard for you to believe
that I wanna

370
00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:44,879
<i>wait until marriage?</i>

371
00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:46,109
<i>Because you slept with Doug Wheeler</i>

372
00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:48,236
<i>and Scott Thompson on the same night.</i>

373
00:28:48,320 --> 00:28:50,311
<i>That doesn't count. I was drunk.</i>

374
00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:51,469
Is that Dana?

375
00:28:51,560 --> 00:28:53,357
As soon as you get bored
with this whole pledge thing,

376
00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:56,078
<i>you're just gonna jump right back</i>
<i>in the saddle again.</i>

377
00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:58,276
<i>And when you get to college,</i>
<i>don't even tell me</i>

378
00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:01,079
<i>that you won't be experimenting</i>
<i>with the standard lesbian hookups,</i>

379
00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:03,355
having three-ways, trying anal.

380
00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:05,509
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

381
00:29:05,600 --> 00:29:06,589
<i>That's</i> what <i>I'm</i> talking...

382
00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:07,874
<i>Fine. Just relax.</i>

383
00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:09,029
- Do something!
<i>- Faith is...</i>

384
00:29:09,120 --> 00:29:10,473
- <i>She's</i> your daughter.
- Go!

385
00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:12,118
<i>Faith is the rock-solid...</i>

386
00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:14,998
<i>You don't think I'm committed to this?</i>
<i>My parents waited until marriage.</i>

387
00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:18,117
<i>My dad</i>
<i>went to high school with your mom.</i>

388
00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:19,633
<i>He said she blew the whole football team</i>

389
00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:21,039
and had to have her stomach pumped.

390
00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:23,833
<i>Don't be gross, okay?</i>

391
00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:25,553
<i>Plus, your dad was a Beta.</i>

392
00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:27,278
Those guys are notorious poon slayers.

393
00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:30,150
<i>Fuck it! This is bullshit!</i>

394
00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:34,231
You know you want this.

395
00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:36,274
Did we miss communion?

396
00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:39,316
<i>Been a rough go for the</i>

397
00:29:39,400 --> 00:29:40,594
<i>East Great Falls Blazers in this game...</i>

398
00:29:40,680 --> 00:29:41,999
Go, Blazers!

399
00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:45,277
<i>...which is surprising, since this is</i>
<i>the last home game of the season.</i>

400
00:29:45,360 --> 00:29:47,271
<i>You'd think they'd really</i>
<i>pump up the power there.</i>

401
00:29:47,360 --> 00:29:49,032
Look at him! Watch that guy! Watch that guy!

402
00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:53,159
<i>Even though it's close to a tie,</i>
<i>we were hoping for better defence from the...</i>

403
00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:55,913
Oh, my gosh, wait.
So, what did your dad say?

404
00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:58,230
He said if he ever sees Nathan
within 100 feet of me,

405
00:29:58,320 --> 00:30:00,311
<i>he's</i> gonna castrate him
with a rusty Garden Weasel.

406
00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:03,949
Oh, no. So what?
Is it over between you guys or what?

407
00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:05,189
I <i>don't</i> know.

408
00:30:05,280 --> 00:30:08,716
Well, if you ever want to try a ménage,
you're welcome to join Richard and me.

409
00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:11,314
- No.
- No.

410
00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:13,835
<i>Please don't say</i>
<i>"young boy" around Coach Daly.</i>

411
00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:15,319
<i>Yeah, out here he's...</i>

412
00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:16,719
- What about you, missy?
- What?

413
00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:18,199
<i>How's</i> your sex life?

414
00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:20,794
You guys, <i>I'm</i> gonna go through with it.
I am. I am.

415
00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:23,952
You're so boring.
I would've thought <i>you'd</i> be fielding offers

416
00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:25,996
after your striptease in the library.

417
00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:29,388
Yeah, I'm...
<i>I'm</i> still just waiting for the right time.

418
00:30:32,280 --> 00:30:37,798
Blue and white,
<i>let's</i> go, fight, win. <i>Let's</i> go, fight, win.

419
00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:42,915
Blue and white, <i>let's</i> go, fight, win. Blazers!

420
00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:45,992
Fight, win.
Blue and white, <i>let's</i> go, fight, win.

421
00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:15,953
I think that is quite enough pictures
of the cheerleaders.

422
00:31:16,040 --> 00:31:18,349
How about we get some of the game?

423
00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:38,113
As you were.

424
00:31:42,880 --> 00:31:44,154
Douche bag.

425
00:31:44,560 --> 00:31:46,152
Blue and white...

426
00:31:46,240 --> 00:31:47,559
<i>Shearson's bringing the ball up court.</i>

427
00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:49,949
<i>He passes it off to Scott Stifler.</i>

428
00:31:57,240 --> 00:31:59,913
<i>Central takes a charge from Shearson.</i>

429
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:02,958
<i>Time out, Blazers.</i>
<i>What are we gonna do now, Bill?</i>

430
00:32:03,320 --> 00:32:04,309
<i>Ten seconds in the game.</i>

431
00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:05,958
<i>I think these guys</i>
<i>really need to get their act...</i>

432
00:32:06,040 --> 00:32:09,589
Get your head in the game, doggy style.
You can finish your wet dream later.

433
00:32:09,680 --> 00:32:11,398
- <i>I'm</i> sorry.
<i>- This is it for this game.</i>

434
00:32:11,480 --> 00:32:13,391
Hey, Scott? Can I talk to you for a sec?

435
00:32:13,480 --> 00:32:16,040
- Are you nuts? <i>I'm</i> in the middle of a game.
<i>- Last home game of the season.</i>

436
00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:18,355
<i>Really gotta get their act together.</i>

437
00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:23,873
<i>Tie game, 89 all, 3.9 seconds left.</i>
<i>Let's see what's gonna happen here.</i>

438
00:32:23,960 --> 00:32:25,234
Go, Blazers!

439
00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:27,959
<i>They have the advantage.</i>

440
00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:29,948
<i>Looks like... Double screen!</i>

441
00:32:30,040 --> 00:32:33,112
<i>Shearson gets the ball.</i>
<i>He passes it to Scott Stifler. It's good! It's in!</i>

442
00:32:34,280 --> 00:32:37,795
<i>The game's over.</i>
<i>91-89 for East Great Falls Blazers.</i>

443
00:32:37,880 --> 00:32:41,509
<i>This is incredible, folks!</i>
<i>This means we're going on to the playoffs!</i>

444
00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:43,636
<i>Unbelievable! It's exciting.</i>

445
00:32:44,280 --> 00:32:47,750
<i>What a chain of events</i>
<i>that has occurred here today!</i>

446
00:32:53,480 --> 00:32:55,596
Honey, I need to talk to you.

447
00:32:56,360 --> 00:32:57,679
Yeah, sure.

448
00:32:58,800 --> 00:33:00,518
Is... Is that a Bible?

449
00:33:00,680 --> 00:33:02,079
What? No. No, it's...

450
00:33:02,160 --> 00:33:05,072
Well, honey, <i>it's</i> okay to read the Bible.
I mean, gosh, you act like

451
00:33:05,160 --> 00:33:06,149
I caught you reading pornography.

452
00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:09,753
What did you wanna talk about?

453
00:33:09,840 --> 00:33:12,513
Well, I just got
my credit card statement and...

454
00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:15,910
And here on your card
<i>there's</i> a charge here for a lingerie store.

455
00:33:16,720 --> 00:33:19,280
Yeah, I'm...
<i>I'm</i> gonna pay you back for that, Mom.

456
00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:22,638
Is there a girl you're seeing?

457
00:33:22,720 --> 00:33:25,792
No. Mom, <i>it's</i> complicated.

458
00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:29,520
- Did you buy something for yourself?
- No!

459
00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:31,272
Because <i>it's</i> a very normal area
of exploration.

460
00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:34,636
My book says that most fetishes are not
homosexual in nature,

461
00:33:34,720 --> 00:33:36,472
and, well, you know, boys, they tend to...

462
00:33:36,560 --> 00:33:40,030
Yes, Mom, <i>that's</i> it. You figured it out.
I love wearing <i>women's</i> underwear.

463
00:33:40,120 --> 00:33:42,634
Thongs, G-strings,
a little teddy now and then.

464
00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:45,154
<i>It's</i> so soft and silky smooth.
The frillier the better.

465
00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:46,229
Sexy.

466
00:33:46,320 --> 00:33:48,436
Oh, God! Come on.

467
00:33:48,520 --> 00:33:49,509
Gotcha.

468
00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:55,877
So it was for a girl.

469
00:33:57,200 --> 00:33:58,474
Yeah, Mom.

470
00:33:59,040 --> 00:34:00,155
Great.

471
00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:16,998
So, you know that thing
you told me before the dance?

472
00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:18,115
Yeah.

473
00:34:18,200 --> 00:34:20,555
Right, well,
I was thinking about that conversation.

474
00:34:20,640 --> 00:34:22,312
So, what about it?

475
00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:26,399
I was just thinking, you know,
maybe you should wait.

476
00:34:27,320 --> 00:34:30,949
I know. You know, I've thought about it, too,

477
00:34:31,040 --> 00:34:33,508
but I still feel like
<i>I'm</i> making this whole thing

478
00:34:33,600 --> 00:34:37,593
into, like, this huge deal. I mean,
<i>it's</i> consuming my every thought.

479
00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:42,792
I <i>don't</i> know, Rob.

480
00:34:42,880 --> 00:34:46,156
I still feel like <i>it's</i> best
if I just get it over with.

481
00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:49,114
Yeah. I can see that.

482
00:34:52,680 --> 00:34:54,750
<i>You figured it out.</i>
<i>I love wearing women's underwear.</i>

483
00:34:54,840 --> 00:34:57,070
<i>Thongs, G-strings,</i>
<i>a little teddy now and then.</i>

484
00:34:57,160 --> 00:34:59,799
<i>It's so soft and silky smooth.</i>
<i>The frillier the better.</i>

485
00:34:59,880 --> 00:35:01,996
What is up with this crap, butt nugget?

486
00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:05,834
That was taken completely out of context.
All right? I was being facetious.

487
00:35:07,200 --> 00:35:08,713
That means he <i>wasn't</i> being serious.

488
00:35:10,080 --> 00:35:12,674
I know what facetious means, dick face.

489
00:35:13,080 --> 00:35:15,310
Are you trying to repel
all the pussy in school?

490
00:35:15,400 --> 00:35:16,879
- No...
- Tick tock, doggy boy.

491
00:35:16,960 --> 00:35:18,313
You cock is on the clock.

492
00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:22,471
Excuse me. Take notes.

493
00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:28,519
- Hey, Imogen.
- Stifler.

494
00:35:29,240 --> 00:35:31,356
The word for the day is "legs."

495
00:35:32,240 --> 00:35:33,229
So?

496
00:35:33,320 --> 00:35:36,710
So, why <i>don't</i> we go back to my place
and spread the word?

497
00:35:37,600 --> 00:35:40,068
Well, how about you save your breath?

498
00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:42,515
You're gonna need it
to inflate your date later.

499
00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:49,360
Gentlemen, it is time we got laid.

500
00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:51,789
Really? And what is it
we've been trying to do all this time?

501
00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:56,715
No, no. We need to get laid.
Right here. September 9th, 1995.

502
00:35:57,800 --> 00:36:00,075
Can you give us the executive summary?

503
00:36:00,160 --> 00:36:03,948
No, not that. This.

504
00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:08,713
We are going on a road trip.

505
00:36:26,840 --> 00:36:28,592
How long do you intend
on staying in Canada?

506
00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:31,317
Just a couple of hours.

507
00:36:32,400 --> 00:36:33,833
<i>What's</i> the nature of your visit?

508
00:36:33,920 --> 00:36:37,356
We've driven many miles
in search of vertical smiles.

509
00:36:39,640 --> 00:36:41,471
We use kilometres here.

510
00:36:43,040 --> 00:36:48,672
Then we've driven many clicks
to wet our dicks?

511
00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:50,509
- Yes!
- Yeah!

512
00:36:50,600 --> 00:36:52,272
- That works, right?
- Bye-bye.

513
00:36:54,880 --> 00:36:56,233
Fucking Americans.

514
00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:01,795
You know, the exchange rate on the dollar
is really gonna help us out.

515
00:37:01,880 --> 00:37:02,869
Yeah.

516
00:37:02,960 --> 00:37:04,552
Okay, up ahead, turn right.

517
00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:05,868
- You sure?
- Yes. Turn right.

518
00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:25,835
Okay, boys. <i>Let's</i> do this.

519
00:37:25,920 --> 00:37:27,399
Are you sure this is a good idea?

520
00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:29,357
Come on, you pussy. <i>Let's</i> get laid.

521
00:37:32,560 --> 00:37:34,516
The bible says to ask for Monique.

522
00:37:44,400 --> 00:37:46,709
Hi. Are you Monique?

523
00:37:46,800 --> 00:37:50,793
No, <i>moi,</i> no, no, no.
<i>Mais,</i> Monique, she is inside.

524
00:37:51,240 --> 00:37:52,639
Come. Come, boys.

525
00:37:59,440 --> 00:38:03,115
Boys, <i>entrez chez nous.</i>

526
00:38:03,200 --> 00:38:07,830
<i>C'est magnifique,</i> no? I will get Monique.

527
00:38:08,080 --> 00:38:12,153
She will be so happy to see you.

528
00:38:12,240 --> 00:38:15,038
In the meantime, make yourselves at home.

529
00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:21,198
Jesus, tits. We came to the right place.

530
00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:23,313
Is that a moose?

531
00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:24,909
Condom?

532
00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:27,750
Why, thank you.

533
00:38:29,080 --> 00:38:30,354
Gentlemen.

534
00:38:33,680 --> 00:38:34,795
Thank you.

535
00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:36,274
Very much.

536
00:38:36,560 --> 00:38:37,879
Thank you.

537
00:38:40,560 --> 00:38:41,993
<i>Can't</i> wait to see Monique.

538
00:38:56,920 --> 00:38:59,195
We're here to see Monique.

539
00:39:01,880 --> 00:39:05,190
I am Monique.

540
00:39:06,760 --> 00:39:09,593
Well, that's... <i>That's</i> okay.

541
00:39:10,320 --> 00:39:16,077
Come, come. I make you a nice drink.

542
00:39:36,240 --> 00:39:39,118
Could you just give us just one minute?

543
00:39:43,720 --> 00:39:46,837
Okay. <i>Let's</i> go.

544
00:39:48,400 --> 00:39:50,197
<i>Let's</i> just talk about this for a second here.

545
00:39:50,280 --> 00:39:53,317
- Yeah, I mean, it <i>can't</i> be that bad, right?
- Are you insane?

546
00:39:53,400 --> 00:39:57,188
Listen, I put a lot of mileage on my <i>mom's</i>
minivan coming all the way up here.

547
00:39:57,280 --> 00:39:59,748
The bible says <i>she's</i> got a lot of experience.

548
00:40:04,560 --> 00:40:08,678
- This could be very educational for all of us.
- Really?

549
00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:19,040
- <i>He's</i> up.
- No, no. Why am I first?

550
00:40:19,120 --> 00:40:20,394
It was your idea.

551
00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:23,472
Don't... <i>Don't</i> insult Monique.
She has an entire chapter in the bible.

552
00:40:23,560 --> 00:40:25,073
Come on, you're going to have a nice time.

553
00:40:25,160 --> 00:40:27,913
You two crazy kids have fun.

554
00:40:48,560 --> 00:40:50,437
And welcome.

555
00:40:53,960 --> 00:40:57,111
So... So, how does this work?
Am I supposed to pay you?

556
00:40:57,200 --> 00:40:58,952
No, no, no. Not yet.

557
00:41:06,320 --> 00:41:07,753
I see.

558
00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:03,872
You've got one active imagination, boy.

559
00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:09,199
How long was I out?

560
00:42:09,680 --> 00:42:11,272
Only about eight seconds that time.

561
00:42:28,840 --> 00:42:32,469
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No. No. No, no, no.

562
00:42:32,560 --> 00:42:34,949
Yes. Yes.

563
00:42:40,520 --> 00:42:44,559
Monique! <i>That's</i> really nice.

564
00:42:57,320 --> 00:42:58,594
<i>That's</i> it.

565
00:43:04,880 --> 00:43:08,236
<i>I'm</i> so sorry. I usually last a lot longer.

566
00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:11,189
Hey.

567
00:43:11,760 --> 00:43:15,116
Hey, was I supposed to
tap you on the shoulder or something?

568
00:43:17,240 --> 00:43:18,798
Oh, no. No.

569
00:43:20,240 --> 00:43:23,869
Help! Help! Help, help, help!

570
00:43:24,680 --> 00:43:26,955
- Go, go, go! Go!
- <i>I'm</i> coming!

571
00:43:28,760 --> 00:43:29,875
- Jesus. Dude.
- Oh, God!

572
00:43:29,960 --> 00:43:31,188
What, do you need an audience?

573
00:43:31,280 --> 00:43:32,952
No, no. Wait, guys. I think <i>she's</i> dead!

574
00:43:33,520 --> 00:43:34,555
Excuse me?

575
00:43:34,640 --> 00:43:36,358
Oh, my God. This is not good.

576
00:43:36,440 --> 00:43:38,954
I <i>can't</i> get her off.
I think she had a heart attack.

577
00:43:39,040 --> 00:43:41,031
Help! <i>She's</i> got lockjaw. Get her off of me!

578
00:43:41,120 --> 00:43:43,270
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
- <i>It's</i> lockjaw.

579
00:43:43,360 --> 00:43:46,238
Lockjaw! Lockjaw, lockjaw, lockjaw,
lockjaw, lockjaw!

580
00:43:46,320 --> 00:43:47,912
- Okay.
- Get her off!

581
00:43:51,760 --> 00:43:52,988
<i>I'm</i> sorry!

582
00:43:55,040 --> 00:43:58,919
Phone. Phone. Wait. Clear!

583
00:44:00,760 --> 00:44:02,352
Shit. What am I doing?

584
00:44:02,440 --> 00:44:04,032
Clear, clear!

585
00:44:07,240 --> 00:44:11,597
Okay. Come down here.
Grab her legs. One, two, three.

586
00:44:13,640 --> 00:44:16,518
Forget it. <i>It's</i> totally screwed up. Oh, God.

587
00:44:19,720 --> 00:44:21,438
What you do to <i>maman?</i>

588
00:44:29,840 --> 00:44:33,435
<i>Maman!</i> You killed <i>maman!</i>
You killed <i>maman!</i>

589
00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:54,753
Fucking Americans! Come back here.
I'll kill you! I'll kill you, you cowards!

590
00:44:57,160 --> 00:44:58,479
I killed her.

591
00:44:58,560 --> 00:45:00,278
I killed her with my sperm!

592
00:45:00,360 --> 00:45:03,318
Hey, man, when <i>it's</i> your time to go,
<i>it's</i> your time to go. She led a full life.

593
00:45:03,400 --> 00:45:04,389
How do you know that?

594
00:45:04,480 --> 00:45:06,630
Man, what do you want me to say?
You're the one that murdered her!

595
00:45:06,720 --> 00:45:10,156
I <i>can't</i> believe that was the woman
the bible said we should have sex with.

596
00:45:10,240 --> 00:45:13,630
Right <i>here.</i> "September 9th, 1995."

597
00:45:14,440 --> 00:45:15,759
Let me see that.

598
00:45:16,720 --> 00:45:22,477
No. No, <i>that's</i> a seven!
<i>That's</i> 1975. <i>It's</i> from the '70s.

599
00:45:22,920 --> 00:45:25,036
Shut up! Shut up!

600
00:45:25,120 --> 00:45:29,511
- I <i>didn't</i> do anything!
- Shut up! Just shut up! I wanna go home.

601
00:45:29,600 --> 00:45:30,749
I <i>don't</i> wanna be here.

602
00:45:31,960 --> 00:45:33,996
Oh, my God! I just hit a squirrel.

603
00:45:36,960 --> 00:45:38,678
Well, that went well.

604
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:41,230
Guys, I think <i>it's</i> time
we try my interpretation.

605
00:45:41,320 --> 00:45:44,312
Look, Nathan, you've been trying to
convince Dana to sleep with you,

606
00:45:44,400 --> 00:45:46,470
instead of just listening to her.
Right, you know?

607
00:45:46,560 --> 00:45:49,472
Trying to see things from her point of view?
Showing just...

608
00:45:49,560 --> 00:45:51,471
Just a little respect.

609
00:45:51,560 --> 00:45:54,358
And you, you're still trying
to trick women into sleeping with you,

610
00:45:54,520 --> 00:45:56,397
instead of just being honest.

611
00:45:56,880 --> 00:46:00,077
And you're still too much of a pussy
to tell Heidi you're into her.

612
00:46:08,960 --> 00:46:10,996
You going to <i>Stifler's</i> house tonight?

613
00:46:11,080 --> 00:46:13,355
Yeah. I'll probably go with Dana.

614
00:46:13,480 --> 00:46:16,870
So any luck losing that thing you were
trying to get rid of?

615
00:46:16,960 --> 00:46:19,269
- Rob.
- <i>I'm</i> just asking.

616
00:46:19,360 --> 00:46:21,396
Maybe you should mind your own business.

617
00:46:25,240 --> 00:46:26,798
<i>What's</i> with you today?

618
00:46:36,280 --> 00:46:40,034
I wanna tell you something that
I've been wanting to say for a long time.

619
00:46:40,120 --> 00:46:41,155
Okay.

620
00:46:46,160 --> 00:46:47,752
I really like you.

621
00:46:48,360 --> 00:46:50,316
I really like you, too.

622
00:46:51,000 --> 00:46:55,915
No, not like that. I really like you.

623
00:46:58,080 --> 00:46:59,069
Oh.

624
00:47:01,240 --> 00:47:02,468
- Rob...
- I think you're great.

625
00:47:02,840 --> 00:47:07,391
You have a great personality.
I laugh at all your jokes. You're pretty.

626
00:47:07,480 --> 00:47:11,996
Oh, God, you're pretty. You even smell great.

627
00:47:13,640 --> 00:47:16,677
I <i>don't</i> know. <i>I'm</i> just...
<i>I'm</i> happy when <i>I'm</i> around you.

628
00:47:16,760 --> 00:47:18,512
Now, I <i>don't</i> know if you feel the same way,
but if you do...

629
00:47:18,600 --> 00:47:20,511
<i>Let's</i> not waste any more time. Right?
<i>Let's</i> just

630
00:47:21,560 --> 00:47:23,835
see where our feelings take us.

631
00:47:27,520 --> 00:47:29,112
I feel the same way.

632
00:47:30,240 --> 00:47:32,231
- You do?
- Yes.

633
00:47:32,320 --> 00:47:35,392
This is great.
Why <i>didn't</i> you say something?

634
00:47:35,480 --> 00:47:36,913
Why <i>didn't</i> you?

635
00:47:40,240 --> 00:47:45,678
<i>It's</i> about that time, so I gotta go.
But I'll see you tonight?

636
00:47:46,480 --> 00:47:47,515
Yes.

637
00:48:06,480 --> 00:48:07,515
- Dad?
- Mmm-hmm?

638
00:48:08,240 --> 00:48:09,639
There she is.

639
00:48:17,160 --> 00:48:19,833
They saw me!
Get down! Get down!

640
00:48:23,360 --> 00:48:25,316
- Oh, my God. Oh, my gosh.
- Drive. Drive.

641
00:48:25,400 --> 00:48:27,118
<i>It's</i> cool. <i>It's</i> cool.

642
00:48:28,200 --> 00:48:31,112
Nathan, look, I've been thinking.

643
00:48:32,240 --> 00:48:33,878
Maybe I've been too hard on you.

644
00:48:34,680 --> 00:48:35,908
You have?

645
00:48:36,160 --> 00:48:39,835
You obviously love my daughter,
and you two should be together.

646
00:48:40,800 --> 00:48:43,234
- We should?
- Absolutely.

647
00:48:43,760 --> 00:48:47,389
Honey, it is not right
to give a man blue balls.

648
00:48:47,480 --> 00:48:52,190
If you want boys to like you, you gotta
put out. Here, start with <i>Nathan's</i> friend.

649
00:49:03,720 --> 00:49:05,039
This is so not cool.

650
00:49:05,120 --> 00:49:07,588
I mean, fantasising about
your best <i>friend's</i> girlfriend?

651
00:49:08,880 --> 00:49:10,711
Oh, my God!

652
00:49:11,920 --> 00:49:13,831
- Dad! Stop! Stop.
- Fucknut!

653
00:49:38,880 --> 00:49:40,711
All right, girls.

654
00:49:41,040 --> 00:49:42,871
- Party looks good.
- Yeah.

655
00:49:42,960 --> 00:49:44,075
Uh-huh.

656
00:49:44,520 --> 00:49:47,034
All right, listen to me. Stay focused.

657
00:49:47,120 --> 00:49:50,317
Be honest, show respect
and just say <i>whatever's</i> on your mind.

658
00:49:50,400 --> 00:49:51,389
Stop, jerk.

659
00:49:51,480 --> 00:49:52,515
I <i>can't</i> even get near Dana.

660
00:49:52,600 --> 00:49:53,953
She'll be here. <i>She's</i> coming with Heidi.

661
00:49:54,040 --> 00:49:56,474
Just try and think of things
from her point of view.

662
00:49:56,560 --> 00:49:59,154
Yeah, and I might as well just crack
the Da Vinci Code while <i>I'm</i> at it.

663
00:49:59,240 --> 00:50:01,196
Just get her some frankincense and myrrh.

664
00:50:01,280 --> 00:50:02,269
<i>That's</i> a great idea.

665
00:50:02,360 --> 00:50:04,555
I'll just pick up some roofies for you
while <i>I'm</i> out.

666
00:50:04,640 --> 00:50:07,757
You need a prescription for that,
from what I hear.

667
00:50:07,840 --> 00:50:09,671
Lube, pay attention. This applies to you, too.

668
00:50:09,760 --> 00:50:13,548
All right.
<i>Let's</i> try to go in there and just be real.

669
00:50:14,480 --> 00:50:16,072
All right, Oprah.

670
00:50:38,640 --> 00:50:43,236
So, here is my sister getting undressed.

671
00:50:44,040 --> 00:50:48,875
And this one is my cousin in the shower.
<i>She's</i> hot, huh?

672
00:50:49,640 --> 00:50:54,919
And this one is
my grandma masturbating. Yeah?

673
00:50:55,000 --> 00:50:56,911
I love <i>Grandma's</i> work.

674
00:50:58,800 --> 00:51:03,430
So, anyway, every time <i>I'm</i> in the hardware
store and I pass by the stud-finder station,

675
00:51:03,520 --> 00:51:05,397
they always go off.

676
00:51:18,960 --> 00:51:20,029
Fuck!

677
00:51:29,320 --> 00:51:31,914
Hey. <i>Isn't</i> that that chick from Central?

678
00:51:33,560 --> 00:51:34,629
Yeah.

679
00:51:35,000 --> 00:51:36,399
Hey, Stifler.

680
00:51:36,840 --> 00:51:38,273
Oh, hey, there...

681
00:51:38,760 --> 00:51:39,909
Katie.

682
00:51:40,120 --> 00:51:43,556
Katie, right. I knew that.
Just having some fun with you.

683
00:51:43,880 --> 00:51:47,429
Can I talk to you for a second,
like, in private?

684
00:51:48,080 --> 00:51:49,149
Yeah, sure, you know what?

685
00:51:49,240 --> 00:51:52,118
Let me just grab another beer
and I'll be right back with you.

686
00:51:52,200 --> 00:51:53,952
<i>Don't</i> you flake on me.

687
00:51:56,120 --> 00:51:58,918
Dude, you been working out?
<i>Didn't</i> think so.

688
00:51:59,040 --> 00:52:02,316
You two, stay amazing. My God.

689
00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:07,158
Hey, <i>what's</i> up, beautiful?

690
00:52:07,240 --> 00:52:09,071
You know, I got so drunk last weekend

691
00:52:09,160 --> 00:52:12,436
that I nailed my cock to a table,
then set it on fire.

692
00:52:12,840 --> 00:52:14,273
Wanna check it out?

693
00:52:14,360 --> 00:52:16,157
The table or your cock?

694
00:52:16,440 --> 00:52:18,271
God, I love that accent.

695
00:52:18,360 --> 00:52:20,112
Could you do me a favour and just say,

696
00:52:20,200 --> 00:52:23,875
<i>"Spank me, Stifler.
Spank me wee little bum."

697
00:52:25,120 --> 00:52:27,634
How did you know I like to be spanked?

698
00:52:28,480 --> 00:52:30,630
Awesome!

699
00:52:31,720 --> 00:52:35,395
So <i>where's</i> this boyfriend Richard you keep
talking about non-stop all the time?

700
00:52:35,480 --> 00:52:37,914
He <i>doesn't</i> attend high-school parties.

701
00:52:38,000 --> 00:52:42,357
Sounds like you might be in the market
for some home-grown American beef.

702
00:52:42,440 --> 00:52:43,998
Sorry, <i>I'm</i> vegan.

703
00:52:45,040 --> 00:52:46,189
Cheers.

704
00:52:49,240 --> 00:52:51,037
What if I use a cucumber?

705
00:52:51,200 --> 00:52:56,672
Jackie, Sarah, and Krissi with an <i>"I,"</i>
<i>here's</i> how the game works.

706
00:52:56,760 --> 00:52:59,911
Every time you get a question wrong,
you get to pop your top.

707
00:53:00,320 --> 00:53:03,437
- Hey, I've played this game before.
- Krissi,

708
00:53:03,920 --> 00:53:07,629
do you believe that new drugs should be
tested on Animal Crackers?

709
00:53:07,880 --> 00:53:10,110
Absolutely not. Wait...

710
00:53:11,960 --> 00:53:15,236
Poppy toppy! If only you listened better.

711
00:53:18,160 --> 00:53:20,879
All right, boys. <i>Tonight's</i> the night.
Wish me luck.

712
00:53:20,960 --> 00:53:22,109
Good luck, buddy.

713
00:53:22,200 --> 00:53:24,555
Good luck, dude.
Tonight, you become a man.

714
00:53:24,640 --> 00:53:26,756
<i>That's</i> it. Tonight, <i>I'm</i> getting laid!

715
00:53:27,040 --> 00:53:28,996
- Yeah, buddy! Yes!
- Yeah, buddy.

716
00:53:29,080 --> 00:53:30,433
- Yes!
- Right here.

717
00:53:30,520 --> 00:53:32,397
Just give it to her nice and slow at first.

718
00:53:32,480 --> 00:53:34,118
Then speed her up.

719
00:53:34,440 --> 00:53:35,509
Dana!

720
00:53:36,520 --> 00:53:37,794
Dana!

721
00:53:42,160 --> 00:53:43,149
Yeah!

722
00:53:44,440 --> 00:53:47,159
Sarah, have you ever made out
with a thespian?

723
00:53:48,360 --> 00:53:50,271
- What?
- Sorry.

724
00:54:00,360 --> 00:54:03,113
- I <i>can't</i> find Heidi anywhere.
- Maybe she <i>didn't</i> come.

725
00:54:03,200 --> 00:54:05,236
No, no. Her car is outside.

726
00:54:06,280 --> 00:54:07,395
How you making out?

727
00:54:07,480 --> 00:54:08,913
Check it out.

728
00:54:10,520 --> 00:54:13,956
<i>Don't</i> you think maybe <i>Ashley's</i>
just a little bit out of your league?

729
00:54:14,040 --> 00:54:18,113
I <i>don't</i> know. <i>I'm</i> just saying, you know,
you've been at it for years.

730
00:54:18,280 --> 00:54:20,475
Maybe <i>it's</i> just not in the cards for you.

731
00:54:20,560 --> 00:54:21,959
<i>I'm</i> a man of refinement.

732
00:54:22,040 --> 00:54:25,157
Why settle for a six
when you can get a perfect 10?

733
00:54:28,040 --> 00:54:31,112
Okay, whatever you say, man. Good luck.

734
00:54:31,320 --> 00:54:33,629
Right. <i>I'm</i> gonna do it.

735
00:54:35,120 --> 00:54:36,997
Hey, <i>what's</i> up, Ashley?

736
00:54:37,480 --> 00:54:38,754
Hey, Lube.

737
00:54:38,840 --> 00:54:40,068
You want a beer?

738
00:54:40,160 --> 00:54:41,479
Got a beer.

739
00:54:41,640 --> 00:54:42,755
Right.

740
00:54:44,120 --> 00:54:45,189
So...

741
00:54:48,040 --> 00:54:51,589
You obviously know that I'm,
like, totally into you. Right?

742
00:54:51,840 --> 00:54:53,353
Yeah. I've seen the shrine.

743
00:54:55,680 --> 00:54:57,238
All right.

744
00:54:58,160 --> 00:55:01,709
Okay, so <i>I'm</i> just gonna be honest with you.
<i>I'm</i> just gonna lay it out on the line.

745
00:55:01,800 --> 00:55:04,189
No tricks, no hidden agenda at all.

746
00:55:05,560 --> 00:55:08,552
I happen to be a sensitive and expert lover.

747
00:55:13,160 --> 00:55:16,709
I can guarantee that I will satisfy you
in every way possible,

748
00:55:16,800 --> 00:55:18,916
and I shall not stop until <i>I'm</i> certain

749
00:55:19,000 --> 00:55:22,151
that you are completely happy
with my endeavours.

750
00:55:26,280 --> 00:55:27,349
Okay.

751
00:55:35,280 --> 00:55:40,308
Look, that was a really interesting speech,

752
00:55:40,400 --> 00:55:44,359
and I <i>don't</i> really wanna embarrass you
in front of everyone, but...

753
00:55:45,120 --> 00:55:46,951
But <i>it's</i> not gonna happen.

754
00:55:47,040 --> 00:55:50,396
I mean, I think that you're,
like, really super cool,

755
00:55:50,480 --> 00:55:52,198
and you're really funny in class
and everything,

756
00:55:52,280 --> 00:55:54,919
but I <i>don't</i> wanna have sex with you.

757
00:55:55,760 --> 00:55:56,795
Okay?

758
00:55:57,240 --> 00:55:59,037
Yeah, yeah. Sure. Okay.

759
00:56:00,360 --> 00:56:02,715
- So are we cool?
- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

760
00:56:03,040 --> 00:56:04,189
All right.

761
00:56:04,280 --> 00:56:05,793
Well, <i>I'm</i> gonna go get another beer.
Do you want one?

762
00:56:05,880 --> 00:56:08,440
No, no. I'm... <i>I'm</i> good. <i>I'm</i> good.

763
00:56:13,080 --> 00:56:14,798
- Hey.
- Hey.

764
00:56:15,040 --> 00:56:17,918
What you said just now?

765
00:56:18,200 --> 00:56:19,269
Yeah?

766
00:56:19,400 --> 00:56:20,879
Was that true?

767
00:56:21,440 --> 00:56:26,719
Guaranteed satisfaction and you <i>won't</i> stop
until a girl is completely satisfied?

768
00:56:27,840 --> 00:56:28,875
Yeah.

769
00:56:30,480 --> 00:56:33,040
All right. Well, what the hell.

770
00:56:33,720 --> 00:56:36,792
Meet me upstairs
in the first bedroom to the left.

771
00:56:49,440 --> 00:56:52,193
The truth is, yes,
I was trying to pressure you,

772
00:56:52,280 --> 00:56:54,919
because I really, really wanna have sex.

773
00:56:55,040 --> 00:56:58,919
But I really wanna have sex with you.

774
00:56:59,840 --> 00:57:03,549
And, also, I mean, with us,
hooking up has always been about me.

775
00:57:05,600 --> 00:57:09,752
I wanna forget myself for once
and try to make you feel good for a change.

776
00:57:09,840 --> 00:57:14,550
Like, maybe try and make you feel
the way that you make me feel.

777
00:57:20,960 --> 00:57:23,679
So Stifler tells me
you're a foreign exchange student.

778
00:57:23,800 --> 00:57:24,789
<i>Ja, ja.</i>

779
00:57:24,880 --> 00:57:27,633
My cousin, Nadia, was student here
at East Great Falls 10 years ago.

780
00:57:27,760 --> 00:57:29,034
Not Nadia, Nadia.

781
00:57:29,120 --> 00:57:30,189
<i>Ja, ja.</i>

782
00:57:30,280 --> 00:57:32,840
You mean the Nadia? The legendarily hot...

783
00:57:32,920 --> 00:57:36,799
I mean, really academically gifted Nadia?

784
00:57:36,880 --> 00:57:38,871
<i>Ja, ja.</i>

785
00:57:38,960 --> 00:57:40,996
Well, how do I know for sure?

786
00:57:50,880 --> 00:57:52,757
You are <i>Nadia's</i> cousin.

787
00:57:55,960 --> 00:57:56,949
Oh!

788
00:58:08,920 --> 00:58:09,909
Oh.

789
00:58:11,000 --> 00:58:13,514
You shouldn't... You shouldn't...
<i>It's</i> my phone.

790
00:58:13,600 --> 00:58:14,999
<i>Don't</i> read my phone.

791
00:58:15,080 --> 00:58:19,358
<i>What's</i> this supposed to mean?
<i>"Give her a dose of manthrax"?</i>

792
00:58:19,560 --> 00:58:20,549
Well, I don't... What does that...

793
00:58:20,640 --> 00:58:22,392
I <i>don't</i> know what that...
Do you know what that means?

794
00:58:22,480 --> 00:58:24,311
<i>"I'm</i> getting <i>laid"?</i>

795
00:58:25,440 --> 00:58:27,670
You're advertising this
before it even happens?

796
00:58:27,760 --> 00:58:28,795
- No.
- Wow.

797
00:58:28,880 --> 00:58:31,155
You must be some special kind of asshole.

798
00:58:31,240 --> 00:58:33,435
No. No, no, no! No. I didn't... It was...

799
00:58:34,600 --> 00:58:35,999
Later, loser.

800
00:58:40,760 --> 00:58:44,719
Faster. Okay. Now, slower. Yes, yes.

801
00:58:45,040 --> 00:58:47,679
Slower. Tickle the bunny. Yes, yes.

802
00:58:47,760 --> 00:58:50,194
Oh, God, the man in the boat is out.

803
00:58:50,280 --> 00:58:52,510
Paddle, paddle, do the alphabet. Swirl.

804
00:58:52,600 --> 00:58:56,070
Back to the bunny. <i>That's</i> it.
Okay. Now, more to the left.

805
00:58:56,480 --> 00:58:58,072
More to the left!

806
00:58:58,320 --> 00:58:59,958
- My left or your left?
- My left, my left, my left!

807
00:59:00,040 --> 00:59:01,029
All right.

808
00:59:02,720 --> 00:59:04,631
Hey, have you seen Heidi?

809
00:59:05,360 --> 00:59:06,509
Thanks.

810
00:59:08,040 --> 00:59:09,268
Hey, Rob.

811
00:59:11,000 --> 00:59:12,149
Heidi?

812
00:59:13,160 --> 00:59:16,436
Hey, doggy style.
I told you, you snooze, you lose.

813
00:59:16,520 --> 00:59:19,830
So unless you want mop-up duty,
close the door, pervert.

814
00:59:30,080 --> 00:59:31,195
Hey, where are you going?

815
00:59:31,280 --> 00:59:33,396
This was a horrible idea.

816
00:59:40,400 --> 00:59:42,197
Rob? Excuse me.

817
00:59:43,400 --> 00:59:46,995
Excuse me. Rob. Rob.

818
00:59:47,880 --> 00:59:49,552
- Go away.
- I didn't. I...

819
00:59:49,640 --> 00:59:52,108
I <i>don't</i> wanna see your face right now.

820
00:59:52,960 --> 00:59:54,029
Rob.

821
01:00:06,600 --> 01:00:08,511
Whoa, whoa.

822
01:00:08,680 --> 01:00:09,715
What are you doing?

823
01:00:09,800 --> 01:00:13,713
What happened to forgetting about yourself
and making me feel good?

824
01:00:14,480 --> 01:00:16,118
But I thought I just...

825
01:00:16,200 --> 01:00:17,633
What? You thought that what, Nathan?

826
01:00:17,720 --> 01:00:20,917
That you could just pretend that you cared
about my feelings and my pledge

827
01:00:21,000 --> 01:00:23,798
and then just go
and try again when my guard was down?

828
01:00:23,880 --> 01:00:26,075
No. You <i>don't</i> get it. I...

829
01:00:26,160 --> 01:00:29,072
No. No, you're the one
<i>that's</i> not gonna get it.

830
01:00:39,320 --> 01:00:41,914
Dude, you need to slow down.

831
01:00:42,000 --> 01:00:44,195
Yeah, seriously. <i>Let's</i> just go home.

832
01:00:44,280 --> 01:00:47,636
You, sir...
You, sir, were right about the bible.

833
01:00:48,400 --> 01:00:51,073
Because assholes get laid!

834
01:00:52,280 --> 01:00:53,269
Yes.

835
01:00:55,680 --> 01:00:58,513
No. No, no, dude. You were right.

836
01:00:58,840 --> 01:01:00,910
- <i>There's</i> something to it.
- What are you talking about?

837
01:01:01,000 --> 01:01:04,470
We tried the nice guy thing
and I believe we're all still virgins.

838
01:01:04,560 --> 01:01:07,791
Well, the nice guy vibe got me
past the bouncer, man.

839
01:01:08,480 --> 01:01:09,549
Hey.

840
01:01:13,400 --> 01:01:19,589
Well, gentlemen, you failed,
and the proof, as they say, is in the Jell-o.

841
01:01:20,560 --> 01:01:22,949
So I will see you later, nice guys.

842
01:01:26,560 --> 01:01:28,357
- Hey.
- Hey.

843
01:01:28,640 --> 01:01:30,153
I know you want me.

844
01:01:30,240 --> 01:01:33,391
<i>I'm</i> gonna let you take me upstairs
and do me right now.

845
01:01:33,840 --> 01:01:35,319
- Really?
- Yeah.

846
01:01:36,000 --> 01:01:37,194
Kiss me.

847
01:01:41,360 --> 01:01:43,316
Y'all ready for some pain?

848
01:01:47,600 --> 01:01:49,477
Hey, ladies.

849
01:01:58,240 --> 01:01:59,593
Oh, my God.

850
01:02:00,160 --> 01:02:01,673
Oh, my God!

851
01:02:02,160 --> 01:02:03,912
Look at those taters!

852
01:02:12,440 --> 01:02:14,078
Do me from behind.

853
01:02:14,400 --> 01:02:15,469
What?

854
01:02:17,040 --> 01:02:19,429
I thought you liked it doggy style.

855
01:02:23,800 --> 01:02:25,028
Huh?

856
01:02:25,680 --> 01:02:28,114
What are you doing back there? <i>Let's</i> go.

857
01:02:29,400 --> 01:02:32,278
You're not putting your dick in that,
are you?

858
01:02:34,520 --> 01:02:36,988
Are you kidding me? Gross.

859
01:02:58,000 --> 01:02:59,672
Here. This'll help.

860
01:02:59,960 --> 01:03:01,109
Thanks.

861
01:03:02,000 --> 01:03:05,276
Honey, I know that I <i>can't</i> stop you
from doing certain things,

862
01:03:05,360 --> 01:03:08,397
but I can insist that you are safe.

863
01:03:08,840 --> 01:03:10,478
Did you drink and drive?

864
01:03:10,560 --> 01:03:12,949
No. John Costello drove me home.

865
01:03:13,560 --> 01:03:18,509
Well, I want you to know that if
you find yourself in any carnal situation,

866
01:03:18,600 --> 01:03:21,034
that you... You will use protection.

867
01:03:21,440 --> 01:03:23,431
What do you mean by carnal?

868
01:03:26,000 --> 01:03:26,989
This.

869
01:03:31,880 --> 01:03:33,598
<i>Are you kidding me? Gross.</i>

870
01:03:33,680 --> 01:03:35,671
Is there no such thing as privacy any more?

871
01:03:35,760 --> 01:03:39,355
I will tell your father that
you're just not up to seeing him today.

872
01:03:39,440 --> 01:03:41,271
You're not feeling well.

873
01:03:42,080 --> 01:03:43,274
Thanks.

874
01:03:46,840 --> 01:03:48,239
How was she?

875
01:03:49,720 --> 01:03:51,631
- How was who?
- Vomit girl.

876
01:03:52,000 --> 01:03:53,035
How do you know about that?

877
01:03:53,120 --> 01:03:56,317
Who do you think is forwarding
all those videos to Mom?

878
01:04:01,000 --> 01:04:02,718
<i>I'm</i> ready to give up.

879
01:04:03,080 --> 01:04:04,354
I thought I had the answers.

880
01:04:04,440 --> 01:04:07,989
<i>It's</i> too bad that 99% of the <i>bible's</i>
completely unreadable.

881
01:04:09,840 --> 01:04:11,114
<i>That's</i> it.

882
01:04:11,800 --> 01:04:13,836
We need to reconstruct the bible.

883
01:04:13,920 --> 01:04:14,955
Why?

884
01:04:15,040 --> 01:04:16,393
The secrets are in there.

885
01:04:16,480 --> 01:04:19,278
I mean, <i>there's</i> no one single answer
to getting laid.

886
01:04:19,360 --> 01:04:21,237
Right? We need the whole book
to understand.

887
01:04:21,320 --> 01:04:23,311
Probably has a lot of crap in there
that we need to know, too,

888
01:04:23,400 --> 01:04:26,278
like positions, techniques,
angle of insertion.

889
01:04:26,360 --> 01:04:30,399
Exactly. <i>That's</i> what the bible was
created for, to help guys like us.

890
01:04:30,560 --> 01:04:33,552
And we owe it to the others.
I ruined the bible.

891
01:04:33,880 --> 01:04:36,314
I owe it to future generations
to restore its wisdom.

892
01:04:36,400 --> 01:04:39,039
Dude, <i>I'm</i> all for it, but how?

893
01:04:44,800 --> 01:04:46,392
Where do we start?

894
01:04:48,360 --> 01:04:49,998
From the beginning.

895
01:04:50,440 --> 01:04:52,158
This must be the guy
who created the bible.

896
01:04:57,120 --> 01:04:58,269
Hello?

897
01:04:58,360 --> 01:05:01,033
<i>Hi. May I speak</i>
<i>to Noah Levenstein, please?</i>

898
01:05:01,120 --> 01:05:02,109
Speaking.

899
01:05:02,200 --> 01:05:04,430
Are you the one who created the bible?

900
01:05:05,720 --> 01:05:08,029
No, that would be God.

901
01:05:08,200 --> 01:05:09,952
<i>No, no, no. Hold on.</i>

902
01:05:10,240 --> 01:05:13,437
<i>I'm</i> referring to the bible.

903
01:05:14,320 --> 01:05:15,992
<i>I'm calling from</i>
<i>East Great Falls High School.</i>

904
01:05:19,080 --> 01:05:22,959
It was the summer
of my junior year, 1969,

905
01:05:23,040 --> 01:05:25,679
and my buddies and I,
we take this trip to Amsterdam,

906
01:05:25,760 --> 01:05:29,514
where we run into a group
of semi-attractive Dutch nymphos

907
01:05:29,600 --> 01:05:33,639
who were willing to trade their bodies
for a handful of Jimi Hendrix LPs.

908
01:05:33,720 --> 01:05:38,032
Well, needless to say, we had ourselves
one super weekend with those gals,

909
01:05:38,240 --> 01:05:40,834
sexually speaking, if you get my drift.

910
01:05:41,600 --> 01:05:44,353
But the sad news was,
we had no idea what we were doing.

911
01:05:44,440 --> 01:05:46,112
We had no technique.

912
01:05:46,480 --> 01:05:49,119
And then one day, we were out sight-seeing,

913
01:05:49,200 --> 01:05:52,033
and we run into this Dutch hooker
in the red-light district,

914
01:05:52,120 --> 01:05:54,429
and she tells us about this book.

915
01:05:55,560 --> 01:06:00,395
It was a sex manual, evidently written
in the 19th century by some priest.

916
01:06:00,480 --> 01:06:02,755
Well, we read that thing cover to cover,

917
01:06:02,840 --> 01:06:05,195
and then when we got back
to East Great Falls,

918
01:06:05,280 --> 01:06:07,919
I had the bright idea to write my own book

919
01:06:08,000 --> 01:06:11,879
and add my own observations
and experiences and advice

920
01:06:11,960 --> 01:06:15,714
and leave it in the library for some
other hapless virgin in the class below us.

921
01:06:15,800 --> 01:06:19,713
But I had no idea it had been
passed down for 40 years.

922
01:06:19,920 --> 01:06:22,434
Your book is a legend, Mr Levenstein.

923
01:06:24,840 --> 01:06:26,273
Do you have it here?

924
01:06:26,360 --> 01:06:27,395
Yeah.

925
01:06:27,480 --> 01:06:29,072
May I see it?

926
01:06:32,760 --> 01:06:33,875
Oh.

927
01:06:34,240 --> 01:06:35,389
Oh, my.

928
01:06:36,880 --> 01:06:37,915
Boys.

929
01:06:39,520 --> 01:06:42,193
This is a real piece of history here.

930
01:06:42,880 --> 01:06:44,598
What happened to it?

931
01:06:44,760 --> 01:06:46,432
Well, <i>that's</i> why we're here.

932
01:06:46,520 --> 01:06:47,714
The bible kinda got ruined,

933
01:06:47,800 --> 01:06:51,588
so we wanna call everyone on the list
and try to reconstruct it.

934
01:06:52,680 --> 01:06:53,874
Oh.

935
01:06:54,920 --> 01:06:58,674
Well, I think you boys might need
some help.

936
01:07:00,600 --> 01:07:04,354
Well, girls have the advantage,
because girls talk to each other,

937
01:07:04,440 --> 01:07:07,034
and <i>don't</i> kid yourself,
they talk about the penis.

938
01:07:07,120 --> 01:07:10,396
Penis size, penis shape,
the angle of the bend.

939
01:07:10,720 --> 01:07:12,358
Whether it winks at you. They talk.

940
01:07:12,440 --> 01:07:16,194
Now, to really make love to a woman,
you gotta really care about her.

941
01:07:16,280 --> 01:07:20,068
But... Hey, sex is great, but sex with
someone you love? <i>That's</i> awesome.

942
01:07:20,160 --> 01:07:21,832
Dude, that is so profound.

943
01:07:21,920 --> 01:07:23,035
Telling you.

944
01:07:23,120 --> 01:07:24,917
Yeah, definitely gets lonely on the road.

945
01:07:25,000 --> 01:07:27,434
Sure, I made love to all kinds
of different food groups.

946
01:07:27,520 --> 01:07:29,636
Did you ever try making love
to a peanut-butter sandwich?

947
01:07:29,720 --> 01:07:30,948
Nothing comes close.

948
01:07:31,040 --> 01:07:32,075
What?

949
01:07:32,160 --> 01:07:36,233
Well, maybe a deboned ham hock,
but that takes a whole lot of prep.

950
01:07:36,800 --> 01:07:37,835
Bend your knees.

951
01:07:37,920 --> 01:07:40,593
Next time you spank it, sit Indian-style.

952
01:07:40,800 --> 01:07:42,472
You <i>won't</i> come, not in a million years.

953
01:07:42,560 --> 01:07:45,154
Our sex organs
are like musical instruments.

954
01:07:45,240 --> 01:07:47,071
Sure, you can have any technician
blow on your horn,

955
01:07:47,160 --> 01:07:50,118
but to place your instrument into
the hands of a true expert?

956
01:07:50,200 --> 01:07:52,794
That, my young friend, is true harmony.

957
01:07:52,880 --> 01:07:54,757
Guys <i>don't</i> talk to each other

958
01:07:54,840 --> 01:07:56,671
because they view each other
as competitors,

959
01:07:56,760 --> 01:07:58,398
which I think is crazy. You know?

960
01:07:58,480 --> 01:08:01,790
Because men need to help each other
and work together to get laid.

961
01:08:02,200 --> 01:08:04,077
<i>Noah Levenstein, class of '70.</i>

962
01:08:04,160 --> 01:08:06,754
<i>- Pete Sambrelli?</i>
<i>- That's right, the Noah Levenstein.</i>

963
01:08:06,840 --> 01:08:07,829
<i>Do you have a number for him?</i>

964
01:08:07,920 --> 01:08:10,275
<i>Hi. This is regarding his advice</i>
<i>on the lubricants.</i>

965
01:08:10,360 --> 01:08:13,432
We found the tongue tornado in Regina.

966
01:08:14,760 --> 01:08:16,876
You said bros <i>befo'</i> hos.

967
01:08:16,960 --> 01:08:20,794
<i>Isn't</i> that what you said? Bros <i>befo'</i> hos.
And then you screwed my girlfriend.

968
01:08:20,880 --> 01:08:23,792
Well, so did the entire glee club, Carlito.
<i>What's</i> your point?

969
01:08:23,880 --> 01:08:26,872
I married her, you asshole!

970
01:08:26,960 --> 01:08:29,520
- Noah Levenstein.
- Janice?

971
01:08:29,600 --> 01:08:30,669
Jessica.

972
01:08:31,120 --> 01:08:34,715
Well, congratulations!
Who <i>didn't</i> see that coming?

973
01:08:34,800 --> 01:08:36,950
Look at the time. Gotta go.

974
01:08:39,760 --> 01:08:42,957
<i>It's</i> all about chemistry,
and confidence is the key.

975
01:08:47,040 --> 01:08:49,600
<i>R-E-S-P-E-C-T,</i>
<i>you've heard that song, right?</i>

976
01:08:49,680 --> 01:08:51,352
Boys, we got another confirmation.

977
01:08:51,440 --> 01:08:52,953
You gotta treat your lady right.

978
01:08:53,040 --> 01:08:57,670
You've got to be gentle, kind
and respectful to the one you love.

979
01:08:58,080 --> 01:09:00,310
- Who are you talking to?
- Shut the fuck up.

980
01:09:00,400 --> 01:09:02,152
This is how you get her really excited.

981
01:09:02,240 --> 01:09:05,471
Stick your finger in her ass. Trust me.

982
01:09:05,680 --> 01:09:07,716
Was that two fingers or one?

983
01:09:08,480 --> 01:09:10,198
<i>I'm</i> sorry.
Confidential matter.

984
01:09:11,680 --> 01:09:13,272
Phone, phone. Okay.

985
01:09:13,840 --> 01:09:14,829
Then what happened?

986
01:09:14,920 --> 01:09:17,878
Hello. Yeah. Class of '77.

987
01:09:17,960 --> 01:09:19,439
Yeah, hold on. Let me get a pen.

988
01:09:19,520 --> 01:09:20,589
Pete O'Donnell, please.

989
01:09:21,320 --> 01:09:22,673
Who is this?

990
01:09:23,520 --> 01:09:26,557
Mr O'Donnell, this is Marshall Lubetski.

991
01:09:26,640 --> 01:09:29,359
I just wanted to talk to you about
what you wrote in the bible.

992
01:09:29,440 --> 01:09:33,274
You know, about having anal sex
with Miss Johnson.

993
01:09:44,960 --> 01:09:47,679
...very much! Mark S.

994
01:09:58,040 --> 01:10:00,315
This is not a sex manual.

995
01:10:01,600 --> 01:10:04,034
It is a life manual.

996
01:10:05,600 --> 01:10:08,068
Now, I've been married for 35 years

997
01:10:08,160 --> 01:10:11,550
and not just because
<i>I'm</i> this handsome dude

998
01:10:11,640 --> 01:10:13,915
who knows how to satisfy a woman.

999
01:10:14,080 --> 01:10:17,993
I've been married 35 years
because I love my wife

1000
01:10:18,080 --> 01:10:20,878
and I respect my wife.

1001
01:10:21,200 --> 01:10:23,760
And whether <i>it's</i> Amsterdam
or East Great Falls,

1002
01:10:23,840 --> 01:10:25,478
it all comes down to this.

1003
01:10:25,560 --> 01:10:29,269
If you're honest and treat a girl with respect,

1004
01:10:30,280 --> 01:10:35,752
then whatever happens is meant to happen,
because <i>it's</i> all perfectly natural.

1005
01:10:40,640 --> 01:10:43,598
Boys, I've prepared you for this quest.

1006
01:10:43,960 --> 01:10:47,316
And before you lies
the biggest test of your lives.

1007
01:10:55,720 --> 01:10:57,915
This book is a powerful weapon,

1008
01:11:00,200 --> 01:11:01,918
so use it for good,

1009
01:11:03,520 --> 01:11:04,714
not evil.

1010
01:11:52,280 --> 01:11:53,315
Yes.

1011
01:11:59,840 --> 01:12:01,398
You still looking for the vacuum?

1012
01:12:01,480 --> 01:12:04,438
No. I found it in <i>Cody's</i> room. So strange.

1013
01:12:04,520 --> 01:12:07,432
I mean, I just <i>don't</i> remember
leaving it there.

1014
01:12:07,520 --> 01:12:09,272
Losing my mind, clearly.

1015
01:12:09,360 --> 01:12:11,794
Hey, Mom, can I go on the ski trip?

1016
01:12:13,600 --> 01:12:14,635
Yes.

1017
01:12:15,200 --> 01:12:19,273
But no drinking,
and if you do drink, no driving.

1018
01:12:19,360 --> 01:12:22,750
<i>Don't</i> worry. If I do anything wrong,
<i>I'm</i> sure it'll end up on YouTube, so...

1019
01:12:22,840 --> 01:12:24,751
Call you when I get there.

1020
01:12:43,640 --> 01:12:44,959
Drinking round!

1021
01:12:53,240 --> 01:12:55,595
- Deal me in.
- What are you doing here?

1022
01:12:55,680 --> 01:12:56,669
Katie.

1023
01:12:56,760 --> 01:12:58,990
I know. But what are you doing here?

1024
01:12:59,080 --> 01:13:01,469
- I wanna play.
- Right.

1025
01:13:01,560 --> 01:13:03,710
Just deal her in, Stifler. <i>What's</i> the big deal?

1026
01:13:03,800 --> 01:13:05,392
Yeah, deal her in.

1027
01:13:11,520 --> 01:13:12,839
Hi, Nathan.

1028
01:13:15,560 --> 01:13:17,152
Thanks for the flowers.

1029
01:13:17,240 --> 01:13:20,550
<i>I'm</i> sorry about being a jerk.
And, for the record, I've learned my lesson.

1030
01:13:20,640 --> 01:13:23,473
<i>I'm</i> ready to respect you
and support you on your pledge.

1031
01:13:23,560 --> 01:13:26,870
Really? But why?

1032
01:13:28,160 --> 01:13:31,357
<i>I'm</i> in this for you.
<i>I'm</i> not in it just to have sex.

1033
01:13:31,840 --> 01:13:34,593
Well, I realised that <i>I'm</i> in this for you,

1034
01:13:34,680 --> 01:13:38,355
and if the pledge gets in the way of that,
then how good can it really be?

1035
01:13:38,440 --> 01:13:42,956
Sounds like a good basis for the two of us
to just relax and see what happens.

1036
01:13:43,320 --> 01:13:45,788
Look. I bought a book.

1037
01:13:46,600 --> 01:13:48,511
I was thinking that we could

1038
01:13:48,600 --> 01:13:51,876
start on page one
and then see how far we get this weekend.

1039
01:13:52,680 --> 01:13:54,750
The first three chapters are foreplay.

1040
01:13:54,840 --> 01:13:55,875
Wow.

1041
01:13:56,560 --> 01:13:59,677
You know, I've actually been
reading a book, as well.

1042
01:13:59,760 --> 01:14:02,672
Have you ever heard of the tongue tornado?

1043
01:14:03,240 --> 01:14:04,719
Okay, <i>let's</i> go.

1044
01:14:09,000 --> 01:14:11,070
This is supposed to be fun.

1045
01:14:11,440 --> 01:14:12,919
This <i>isn't</i> fun.

1046
01:14:13,080 --> 01:14:16,117
Just you wait. You possess wisdom now.

1047
01:14:16,840 --> 01:14:18,432
Trust in the book.

1048
01:14:22,840 --> 01:14:26,719
I mean, what does that mean, anyway?
Do you think <i>I'm</i> too clingy?

1049
01:14:26,920 --> 01:14:29,070
No. No, of course not.

1050
01:14:29,400 --> 01:14:30,958
Do you even know how to play poker?

1051
01:14:31,040 --> 01:14:32,029
I know the game.

1052
01:14:32,120 --> 01:14:35,715
And I tell you what,
if I lose, I'll take off all my clothes.

1053
01:14:38,200 --> 01:14:39,633
- Snap.
- Nice.

1054
01:14:39,720 --> 01:14:41,153
And if I lose?

1055
01:14:41,520 --> 01:14:43,238
You apologise to me.

1056
01:14:44,400 --> 01:14:46,391
- For what? Blowing you off?
- Yes.

1057
01:14:46,480 --> 01:14:49,153
If <i>it's</i> not enough, it was my first time.

1058
01:14:49,360 --> 01:14:50,349
I deserve better.

1059
01:14:52,600 --> 01:14:55,990
But if I win,
not only do you apologise to me,

1060
01:14:56,080 --> 01:14:58,196
you gotta run through the snow naked.

1061
01:15:00,160 --> 01:15:02,913
- Yeah.
- <i>It's</i> a deal.

1062
01:15:10,600 --> 01:15:12,670
Start stripping, sweetheart.

1063
01:15:12,960 --> 01:15:14,552
<i>It's</i> not over yet.

1064
01:15:17,120 --> 01:15:18,553
Feeling lucky?

1065
01:15:20,480 --> 01:15:23,392
You better hope for a five on the river, baby.

1066
01:15:31,080 --> 01:15:33,310
She got the five! Unbelievable.

1067
01:15:34,760 --> 01:15:36,034
Oh, my God.

1068
01:15:37,640 --> 01:15:39,232
- Strip.
- Hold on a second.

1069
01:15:39,320 --> 01:15:40,753
- Strip.
- Strip.

1070
01:15:40,840 --> 01:15:43,673
Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip!

1071
01:15:43,760 --> 01:15:48,629
Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip!

1072
01:15:48,720 --> 01:15:51,678
You want me to strip?
You want some of this?

1073
01:15:52,360 --> 01:15:55,193
<i>It's</i> time to get it going, baby!

1074
01:15:56,920 --> 01:15:59,798
All right, <i>let's</i> go! Here we go, baby.

1075
01:16:01,360 --> 01:16:03,396
Wait, <i>let's</i> talk this over.

1076
01:16:05,600 --> 01:16:08,433
Shit. <i>It's</i> freezing out here.

1077
01:16:08,600 --> 01:16:10,079
Now apologise.

1078
01:16:10,360 --> 01:16:12,078
- <i>I'm</i> sorry.
- For what?

1079
01:16:12,440 --> 01:16:14,829
<i>I'm</i> sorry for not calling you afterwards.

1080
01:16:14,920 --> 01:16:16,114
And what else?

1081
01:16:16,200 --> 01:16:18,509
<i>I'm</i> sorry for being a dick, okay?

1082
01:16:18,880 --> 01:16:20,916
Now, open the stinking door.

1083
01:16:21,400 --> 01:16:22,389
Oh!

1084
01:16:31,560 --> 01:16:33,039
Open the door!

1085
01:16:33,120 --> 01:16:37,432
Now, tell everyone how you cry
like a little girl after you come.

1086
01:16:37,520 --> 01:16:39,988
I cry like a girl after I come, okay?

1087
01:16:40,680 --> 01:16:43,035
<i>It's</i> a very intense experience for me.

1088
01:16:48,640 --> 01:16:49,675
Call 911.

1089
01:17:22,520 --> 01:17:23,953
Lube, get the rifle.

1090
01:17:28,600 --> 01:17:29,828
Oh, my God!

1091
01:17:31,960 --> 01:17:34,428
- Was that a moose?
- Was that the tongue tornado?

1092
01:17:38,560 --> 01:17:39,959
Go get 'em.

1093
01:18:16,400 --> 01:18:18,072
Hey, I'll meet you at the lodge later.

1094
01:18:18,160 --> 01:18:19,388
Yeah, yeah, sure. Go.

1095
01:18:20,960 --> 01:18:22,791
Heidi. Wait up.

1096
01:18:30,680 --> 01:18:33,035
Do you mind if I ride up with you?

1097
01:18:33,440 --> 01:18:34,475
Okay.

1098
01:19:02,320 --> 01:19:04,515
Hey. <i>What's</i> up?

1099
01:19:05,560 --> 01:19:08,358
We... We're in the same gondola.

1100
01:19:09,200 --> 01:19:10,599
Yeah, look at that.

1101
01:19:21,720 --> 01:19:22,948
Oh, God.

1102
01:19:39,240 --> 01:19:40,559
I <i>didn't</i> sleep with Stifler.

1103
01:19:40,640 --> 01:19:42,278
Yeah. I heard.

1104
01:19:43,400 --> 01:19:45,436
- But you still hate me?
- No.

1105
01:19:46,960 --> 01:19:48,871
No. Why would you say that?

1106
01:19:48,960 --> 01:19:51,918
You <i>haven't</i> said a word to me
since that night.

1107
01:19:52,560 --> 01:19:54,471
I know. <i>I'm</i> sorry.

1108
01:19:55,320 --> 01:19:58,949
I guess I just...
I needed time to work through my feelings.

1109
01:20:03,920 --> 01:20:06,832
And? What did you decide?

1110
01:20:10,000 --> 01:20:13,549
Gibbs says that Stifler has to sit on
a foam rubber doughnut for six weeks.

1111
01:20:13,640 --> 01:20:17,269
And he says they're talking about
amputating his feet from frostbite.

1112
01:20:17,360 --> 01:20:20,397
Gibbs is a liar.
Stifler <i>doesn't</i> need amputation.

1113
01:20:20,480 --> 01:20:22,948
<i>That's</i> too bad. I got an A in Shop.

1114
01:20:28,520 --> 01:20:30,317
Oh, my. Was that a snort?

1115
01:20:44,720 --> 01:20:45,914
Come to gloat?

1116
01:20:46,000 --> 01:20:48,036
No. Just looking for a fag.

1117
01:20:48,200 --> 01:20:51,749
Just 'cause I took a moose pickle up my ass
<i>doesn't</i> mean <i>I'm</i> gay.

1118
01:20:51,840 --> 01:20:54,559
Very funny. <i>How's</i> your bum?

1119
01:20:54,640 --> 01:20:58,599
Feels like I gave birth to a mayonnaise jar,
but thanks for asking.

1120
01:20:59,320 --> 01:21:02,312
Hey, I heard about your boyfriend.
That really sucks.

1121
01:21:02,400 --> 01:21:05,472
Yeah. I thought only high school boys
were jerks.

1122
01:21:05,560 --> 01:21:07,198
It turns out they never outgrow it.

1123
01:21:07,280 --> 01:21:10,829
Imogen, no offence,
and you're the most mature girl I know,

1124
01:21:11,480 --> 01:21:15,234
but a 24-year-old dude <i>isn't</i> gonna take
a high-school girl seriously.

1125
01:21:15,320 --> 01:21:16,673
I suppose not.

1126
01:21:17,720 --> 01:21:19,392
You wanna sit down?

1127
01:21:20,040 --> 01:21:21,234
What for?

1128
01:21:21,400 --> 01:21:24,233
I just thought we could both use
a friend right now.

1129
01:21:36,400 --> 01:21:37,389
Stifler.

1130
01:21:37,480 --> 01:21:38,959
My bad. Reflex.

1131
01:21:41,960 --> 01:21:43,279
<i>I'm</i> sorry.

1132
01:21:43,680 --> 01:21:44,908
You have to make your own decisions.

1133
01:21:45,000 --> 01:21:48,788
You know, I just...
I thought we had something.

1134
01:21:48,880 --> 01:21:50,074
We did.

1135
01:21:51,680 --> 01:21:52,829
We do.

1136
01:21:54,160 --> 01:21:55,559
I was scared.

1137
01:21:56,240 --> 01:21:57,434
Of what?

1138
01:22:01,200 --> 01:22:02,758
I really like you.

1139
01:22:04,200 --> 01:22:06,430
And I want it to be special.

1140
01:22:07,800 --> 01:22:10,837
I guess I just wanted to be ready.

1141
01:22:12,760 --> 01:22:16,992
So you almost had sex with Stifler
so <i>you'd</i> be ready for me.

1142
01:22:18,360 --> 01:22:19,395
Yeah.

1143
01:22:20,280 --> 01:22:22,999
<i>That's</i> the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

1144
01:22:24,040 --> 01:22:26,508
Well, I heard you got some practise.

1145
01:22:27,160 --> 01:22:29,958
You know, the truth is,
is nothing happened.

1146
01:22:31,840 --> 01:22:34,513
I <i>didn't</i> want it to be random like that.

1147
01:22:34,720 --> 01:22:35,869
And...

1148
01:22:38,520 --> 01:22:42,399
I <i>couldn't</i> picture my first time
being with anybody else but you.

1149
01:23:02,040 --> 01:23:03,473
What was that?

1150
01:23:04,200 --> 01:23:05,758
I <i>don't</i> know.

1151
01:23:08,960 --> 01:23:10,837
- Looks like we're stuck.
- Yeah.

1152
01:23:16,520 --> 01:23:19,717
You know, we could be up here for a while.

1153
01:23:19,800 --> 01:23:20,835
Yeah.

1154
01:23:45,880 --> 01:23:47,598
Hey, can I ask you a question?

1155
01:23:47,680 --> 01:23:49,318
Yeah, sure. Whatever.

1156
01:23:49,400 --> 01:23:51,834
Why do you hook up with assholes
like Scott Stifler anyway?

1157
01:23:51,920 --> 01:23:54,115
Excuse me, but you <i>don't</i> know me.

1158
01:23:54,200 --> 01:23:57,237
You know,
you're just the same as all the rest.

1159
01:23:57,320 --> 01:23:58,435
<i>I'm</i> just some sort of trophy to you.

1160
01:23:58,520 --> 01:24:00,875
You <i>don't</i> care about me.
You just wanna sleep with me,

1161
01:24:00,960 --> 01:24:03,679
because you think
<i>it's</i> some sort of status symbol.

1162
01:24:03,760 --> 01:24:04,875
Sorry.

1163
01:24:07,200 --> 01:24:08,189
God.

1164
01:24:09,720 --> 01:24:11,995
How long are we gonna be up here?

1165
01:24:13,760 --> 01:24:15,193
I'll get help.

1166
01:24:16,760 --> 01:24:18,113
What are you doing?

1167
01:24:18,200 --> 01:24:20,839
<i>It's</i> not that far down,
and there's, like, 20 feet of snow.

1168
01:24:20,920 --> 01:24:22,831
What, is this supposed to impress me?

1169
01:24:22,920 --> 01:24:24,876
The thought had crossed my mind.

1170
01:24:24,960 --> 01:24:26,951
Absolutely not. First of all, <i>it's</i> just wrong.

1171
01:24:27,040 --> 01:24:29,235
Second of all,
you're not even supposed to touch the door.

1172
01:24:29,320 --> 01:24:33,393
And third, <i>it's</i> just really dangerous, okay?
So just get away from there.

1173
01:24:33,480 --> 01:24:35,835
Right. What was I thinking?

1174
01:24:39,600 --> 01:24:40,635
Whoa!

1175
01:24:44,000 --> 01:24:45,319
Are you okay?

1176
01:24:45,400 --> 01:24:46,833
I think I hurt my leg.

1177
01:24:48,320 --> 01:24:49,389
Idiot.

1178
01:25:04,120 --> 01:25:05,553
Are you okay?

1179
01:25:06,440 --> 01:25:07,919
Are you crazy?

1180
01:25:09,040 --> 01:25:10,439
Are you okay?

1181
01:25:11,040 --> 01:25:14,112
Yeah, <i>I'm</i> fine. No, <i>I'm</i> fine. <i>I'm</i> fine.

1182
01:25:14,200 --> 01:25:17,590
About what you said
about how I <i>don't</i> care about you

1183
01:25:17,680 --> 01:25:20,319
and you're just a trophy,
<i>that's</i> actually not true.

1184
01:25:20,400 --> 01:25:24,757
I really like you.
We went to elementary school together.

1185
01:25:25,040 --> 01:25:28,077
I remember when you sang <i>Hey Ya!</i>
In the sixth-grade talent show.

1186
01:25:28,160 --> 01:25:32,119
I remember when you fell off the pyramid
at the homecoming game, freshman year.

1187
01:25:32,200 --> 01:25:34,953
You were so embarrassed, but I <i>didn't</i> care.

1188
01:25:35,120 --> 01:25:38,669
I just liked how you played it off
like it was all part of the routine.

1189
01:25:38,760 --> 01:25:45,074
I mean, yeah, sure, you're a super-hot babe,
but I actually like you for you.

1190
01:25:47,160 --> 01:25:49,754
Look, this may be a shock to you,

1191
01:25:49,840 --> 01:25:53,913
but I have no idea what <i>I'm</i> doing with girls.

1192
01:25:55,400 --> 01:25:58,597
But I really wanna learn.
You just give me a chance.

1193
01:25:59,480 --> 01:26:01,277
<i>That's</i> all <i>I'm</i> asking.

1194
01:26:01,960 --> 01:26:05,794
And I guarantee that
I will make it my <i>life's</i> mission

1195
01:26:05,880 --> 01:26:09,077
to satisfy you in every way possible.

1196
01:26:44,200 --> 01:26:46,714
- <i>Let's</i> go back to the...
- To the cabin.

1197
01:27:41,720 --> 01:27:44,314
Dude. You forgot to sign it.

1198
01:27:51,560 --> 01:27:54,028
You sure we <i>can't</i> just keep it
for one more year?

1199
01:27:54,120 --> 01:27:56,031
No, guys, <i>it's</i> someone <i>else's</i> turn.

1200
01:28:37,880 --> 01:28:40,155
<i>This is my little brother, Cody,</i>

1201
01:28:40,480 --> 01:28:44,109
<i>and this is what he does</i>
<i>with the vacuum every day.</i>

1202
01:28:45,040 --> 01:28:46,917
No! Hey! No!

1203
01:28:47,400 --> 01:28:50,358
<i>Help! It's stuck! I can't get it off!</i>

1204
01:28:51,920 --> 01:28:54,309
<i>Help! Help! It's stuck.</i>

1205
01:28:54,920 --> 01:28:56,035
<i>Gotcha.</i>

1206
01:28:57,280 --> 01:28:58,349
<i>Help!</i>

1207
01:29:01,520 --> 01:29:02,509
No!

1208
01:29:05,920 --> 01:29:10,391
She was using me. I... That was really bad.

1209
01:29:10,760 --> 01:29:13,069
Father, why hast Thou forsaken me?

1210
01:29:13,920 --> 01:29:16,480
Wanna suck me off in the Sharper Image?

1211
01:29:16,760 --> 01:29:19,320
Rob, are you some kind of jive turkey?

1212
01:29:21,280 --> 01:29:24,192
<i>He's</i> like an inch away from the real McCoy.

1213
01:29:24,840 --> 01:29:26,637
Did you bring condoms?

1214
01:29:26,800 --> 01:29:27,835
What?

1215
01:29:27,920 --> 01:29:30,912
I wet the bed until I was 13 years old, okay?

1216
01:29:31,040 --> 01:29:33,474
You nancy boys <i>couldn't</i> get lucky
at a Jonas Brothers concert

1217
01:29:33,560 --> 01:29:35,596
with a fistful of backstage passes.

1218
01:29:35,960 --> 01:29:39,555
<i>Faith in God and His promise of eternal life.</i>

1219
01:29:41,080 --> 01:29:43,913
Now, put the condom on the banana.

1220
01:29:44,920 --> 01:29:48,435
Who <i>didn't</i> see that coming?
Look at the time. Gotta go.

1221
01:29:49,440 --> 01:29:52,079
I think that is quite enough pictures
of the cheerleaders.

1222
01:29:52,160 --> 01:29:53,559
How about we get some of the game?

1223
01:29:55,000 --> 01:29:56,035
We're eating.

1224
01:29:58,080 --> 01:30:00,389
You've been fucking Americans or...

1225
01:30:01,000 --> 01:30:02,638
Watching, loving...

1226
01:30:06,160 --> 01:30:07,149
Bear with me.

1227
01:30:07,240 --> 01:30:09,993
If <i>she's</i> down, bring her flowers.

1228
01:30:10,280 --> 01:30:12,669
If <i>she's</i> thirsty, serve her fine champagne.

1229
01:30:12,760 --> 01:30:15,035
Yeah, 'cause, <i>I'm</i> telling you,
my wife is pretty effing hot.

1230
01:30:15,120 --> 01:30:18,430
<i>I'm</i> talking a tight, tight ass
and squeaky clean.

1231
01:30:19,240 --> 01:30:21,834
Is that cream-filled? You rock.

1232
01:30:22,400 --> 01:30:24,470
Oh. <i>Don't</i> mention that, okay?

1233
01:30:25,080 --> 01:30:29,312
And whenever it comes to making out,
put on side one of <i>Led Zeppelin IV.</i>