[DOG MOANS THEN BARKS]
[ALARM CLOCK RINGING]
[BARKING CONTINUES]
[SNORING]
[RINGING]
[CROAKING]
[WHIMPERING]
[DOG BARKS]
[WHIRRING]
[DOOR CLOSES]
[BICYCLE BELL RINGING]
[SQUEAKING]
[GROANS]
Mr. Wilson!
Dennis.
Oh.
What is it, George? Another one of your dreams?
It wasn't a dream, Martha.
It was a nightmare.
A nightmare.
MAN: Ho-ho-ho.
[BICYCLE BELL RINGING]
JACK: Hey, Mitchell.
Nice bike. Where did you get it, the junkyard?
JACK: How about a race?
You and me. Last one to school is a loser.
Guess that will be you, loser.
[BELL RINGS, GASPS]
Ahh!
[SCREAMING]
JACK: Loser!
Just wait, Jack Bratcher. One day I'm gonna beat you.
[KIDS SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
[BELL RINGING]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Ah! That will be 50 cents, Henry Mitchell.
Mm. No discounts for husbands?
- Oh. Not today. Where's Dennis? - He's backstage with the rest of the kids.
- It looks like this'll be quite a show. - Oh, I hope not.
Oh, wow. Just relax, it's gonna be fine. All he has to do is say his lines...
...and walk off stage with the rest of the kids. What could possibly go wrong?
[INHALES DEEPLY]
DENNIS: Hey, Mr. Turkey.
How are you doing in there?
[TURKEY CLUCKING]
He doesn't look so happy.
Whatever he is, just keep that thing away from me.
- I'm allergic to turkey feathers. - Hey, guys.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- And what are you supposed to be? - A green bean casserole.
What's that smell?
I'm wearing cranberry perfume. It's all the rage in Paris.
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
Ugh. Boys are so unsophisticated.
My, isn't this lovely, George?
George?
George, you know, I could have delivered my pie myself.
Oh, nonsense, Martha.
[KIDS LAUGHING]
Now, George, you're just gonna have to get over this.
Dennis Mitchell is just a boy.
Yes, like a hurricane is just a hurricane.
George, Dennis is going to be all the way up on the stage...
...and you're going to be all the way down here in the audience.
What could possibly go wrong?
I understand, Mr. Bratcher, but we have a lot...
...of children in the show. - But you have only got one Jack Bratcher.
And I wanna see him front and center in the spotlight.
[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]
I'll do what I can.
[MUSIC PLAYS]
Showtime.
All right, children, let's get ready.
[TURKEY CLUCKING]
All right, now listen to me.
When you get out there...
...I don't care if you have to knock someone down.
You get in front. You got it?
- Yeah, Dad. - And don't forget your lines.
I don't want people to think I'm a bad parent. Now give me five.
Hoo!
Got you.
[LAUGHS]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Hey, dork face.
Dennis, I think he's talking to you.
Yeah, I'm talking to you, snail boy.
Nice race today, loser.
I'm not a loser.
Really? Then how come I beat you today? Huh?
Because you're a loser.
Oh, yeah? Well, I'm gonna ask Santa for a new bike this Christmas...
...then life in this town is gonna change.
Puh-lease.
Christmas is so totally...
...stupid.
[ALL GASP]
[CLUCKS]
You just said the S word.
[MUSIC PLAYS]
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
[APPLAUSE]
[CACKLING]
Okay, thank you, Merle. Thanks. Thank you, Merle.
Thank you. Merle, stop it, okay?
[MUSIC STOPS, FAINT LAUGHTER]
Oh-ho-ho. Well, goodness. Heh.
How did all of you people get into my office?
[FAINT LAUGHTER]
Thank you, thank you. And thank you all for coming out tonight.
On behalf of the staff and the students of Franklin Elementary...
...I would like to welcome you all to our Thanksgiving pageant...
...bake sale and pie baking contest.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Tonight I'm looking forward to tasting all of our ladies' goodies.
[LAUGHS]
[INHALES DEEPLY]
So.
PEEVES: We're going to begin a very special history lesson...
...from Mrs. Walsh-Mellman's first graders...
...who have put together their own version of how Thanksgiving came to be.
And now without any further ado...
What's the matter, Mr. Turkey? Are you thirsty?
[TURKEY PURRS]
- First grade class and their story of Thanksgiving.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AUDIENCE: Aww.
PEEVES: The children have worked very hard on this...
...so I know we're all in for a real treat.
- Where's Dennis? PEEVES: Including...
A special surprise guest...
[CLUCKING]
I'll be right back.
PEEVES: But let me just say that I think...
...you're all going to gobble up this presentation.
[APPLAUSE]
[ALL CHEERING]
And so the pilgrims and their new Native American friends...
...shared their bounty and started a tradition...
...that has lasted even today.
Here you go.
[GASPS]
The tradition of Thanksgiving.
[SNEEZES]
[CHUCKLES]
[SNEEZES]
[TURKEY CLUCKING]
Eeek! My turkey feather allergy.
Get it away from me!
[KIDS SCREAMING]
I told you something was going to go wrong. Let's get out of here.
Hey, don't just stand there, fight back.
- Oh, no. - Food fight!
Oh, no.
Maybe it's part of the show.
Keep moving, Martha.
Keep moving.
- Henry, do something. - Okay, all right.
HENRY: Right here. Right here. Right here.
That's not what I meant.
- Go get Dennis. - Right.
Ahhh.
[SCREAMING CONTINUES]
I'm hit.
Dennis Mitchell.
I think we made it.
[CLUCKING]
[SQUISHING]
Ooh!
ALL: Ooh!
Oops.
MARTHA: George?
George, are you all right, dear?
MARTHA: Oh, my apple pears pie is ruined.
MR. WILSON: Dennis!
And another thing. If you think my insurance company...
...is paying for this catastrophe, you're nutso.
But, Mr. Bratcher, you did sell us an insurance policy.
Oh, yeah?
Well, look at this, bucko.
Read the fine print.
"The Dennis Clause."
[IN UNISON] The Dennis Clause?
It absolves my company of responsibility...
...in the event of any and all disasters caused by one Dennis Mitchell.
I'm sorry, but it's true.
After the unfortunate kindergarten show-and-smell incident...
...they added the Dennis Clause to our policy.
This is just ridiculous.
- He's a 6-year-old boy. DAVID: That's right.
And you were the same way when we were kids.
Always getting into trouble. Your old man having to clean up your mess.
And still...
[SINGSONG] La-la-la, la-la-la.
Happy-go-lucky all the time. What's up with that?
Yeah, what's up with that?
Hmm. I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, huh?
Dennis Clause.
Hoo!
[LAUGHS]
Sorry.
DENNIS: But I didn't mean for it to happen.
The turkey looked thirsty.
Dennis...
...you're gonna have to start taking responsibility for your...
- Your situations. - I'll work it off. I promise.
Hey, I can wash windows.
[IN UNISON]: No.
[ALICE SCREAMS]
Uh... Sorry.
Do the dishes?
[IN UNISON]: No.
[PLATES BREAKING]
Hey, Dad, what if I help you change the oil in the car?
[IN UNISON]: No.
[HORN HONKS, SIRENS WAILING]
I'm gonna get a drink of water.
We'll talk about this later, okay?
HENRY: Oh, not looking good, Alice.
This coming on the heels of the Halloween disaster.
That wasn't all Dennis' fault.
They shouldn't have stacked those pumpkins so high.
Regardless, there's not gonna be a lot of money left over for Christmas.
Well...
...they're hiring down at the mall.
Oh, Alice...
They had a sign up looking for a gift wrapper.
- I've always been very good with bows. - Honey, I hate for you to have to do that.
It's only temporary. Just to get us through the holidays.
Dennis is gonna be on vacation, home from school.
I'll call Dad. He loves spending time with his grandson.
I thought he was climbing Mount Kilimanjaro.
Well, he's supposed to be back on Sunday.
Well, I suppose we have no choice.
[INHALES DEEPLY]
Who could've planned on the unexpected expenses of a spirited child?
Henry, he's a boy. He'll grow out of it.
Let's hope.
[INHALES DEEPLY]
[DOG PANTING]
Hey, Ruff, what am I gonna do?
[DOG WHIMPERS]
[OBJECT SHATTERS, CAT MEOWS]
MAN: Oh. Oh. Hah.
Whoo! Oh. Ugh.
[BONE CRACKS, GRUNTS]
[EXHALING]
[SIGHS]
Well, I'm here. Now what?
[DOGS BARKING]
[KIDS PANTING]
Wow.
That's what I want. The Razzle Dazzle Beauty Center with sparkle attachment...
...and automatic color changer. It's beautiful.
What do you want, Joey?
Me? I just want it to snow in time for Christmas.
My mom says it hasn't snowed for Christmas in 30 years.
She says it's the global warming.
Wow.
MARGARET: Cool, the Mite-Y-Max racing bike.
- Wow, it's... It's... - Majestic.
Well, if it isn't Mr. Snail and the snailettes.
- Get lost, Jack. - Make me.
- Maybe I will. - You'll have to catch me first.
That'd be way too easy.
As if, Mitchell.
You're so slow you couldn't catch a cold in a snowstorm.
Oh, yeah? Well, you wait until Christmas. Then you'll be the loser.
You daring me to a race, Mitchell?
Okay. A race.
You and me. Christmas Day.
Unless you're too chicken.
You're on, Jack Bratcher.
You're so going down.
MARGARET: You can't win, Dennis.
Yeah, everybody knows Jack gots the fastest bike at school.
Don't worry, guys. This race is in the bag.
All I need is a little help from Santa Claus.
[TYPING]
Come on, honey. It's time for the secret Santa draw.
HENRY: I wanna thank everyone for coming again this year.
We all know what to do, right? We do, okay. Pass it around.
Hey, Henry, do you think you can pull some snow out of that hat?
I wish.
[ALL LAUGH]
It hasn't snowed at Christmas around here in how long?
ALL: Thirty years.
Hey, come on, everybody. Just because there's no snow on the ground...
...doesn't mean we can't have a little Christmas in our hearts?
Pick a name, get a gift, spread some Christmas cheer. No peeking.
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[WHISPERS] "Mr. Wilson." Cool.
[DOG WHIMPERS]
George, the lights are lovely this year. Come and see.
I've seen the lights, Martha.
Every year, I have seen the lights.
Well, maybe this year we could maybe just...
- No, no. - Just a few little red...
...and green ones around the front porch. - You know how I feel about this thing.
It's shameless capitalism at its worst. Besides, it's a waste of electricity.
- Yes, dear. - I'm going to look at my stamps.
Yes, dear. Have a nice time.
[DRAWER SLIDES OPEN]
[CLICKS TONGUE THEN SIGHS]
[SIGHS]
Okay, so far we have presents...
...a Christmas tree, cookies and lights.
Who can tell me one more thing...
...that represents the Christmas spirit to them?
Dennis?
Yes, Mrs. Walsh-Mellman?
Do you have a fifth thing to add to our list of Christmas spirit?
That's easy. Santa Claus.
Very good, Dennis. Santa Claus it is.
[WRITING ON THE BOARD]
Well, now aren't you happy we came out for a walk?
I suppose.
- But... - But?
- I just wish it would snow. - Oh, Martha.
You know it hasn't snowed around here at Christmas time for 30 years.
I know, but it just does not seem like Christmas without snow.
It seems to be perfect just the way it is.
Fresh air. Nothing but peace and quiet.
MR. WILSON: Oh, no.
MARTHA: What? - Come on, honey.
DENNIS: Mr. Wilson. Hey, Mr. Wilson.
Hey, Mrs. Wilson.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Hello, dear. George, say hello to Dennis.
- Dennis. - Do you know what today is?
It's the start of Christmas vacation.
- School's out for two weeks. - Marvelous.
Are you excited for Christmas, Mr. Wilson?
[GROANS]
- Actually... - Are you excited, dear?
You better believe it. It's my favorite holiday ever.
So you got your Christmas list made yet, Mr. Wilson?
- As a matter of fact... - Do you have a list made, Dennis?
Yup. And there's only one thing on it.
- Do you know what it is? - I'm afraid to ask.
The Mite-Y-Max racing bike.
Then I'll be the fastest kid in town.
I've been pretty good this year, too...
...so it's as good as mine. - Ahem.
- George. - So, Mr. Wilson...
- Don't you want anything for Christmas? - Well...
You know, dear, Mr. Wilson isn't a big fan of Christmas.
It dates back to his days when he was a postal worker.
I threw my back out every year...
...delivering those stupid letters to Santa Claus.
[SOFTLY] You said the S word.
George, don't say stupid. It's not nice.
I'm sorry, but Christmas... Ugh.
Nothing but shameless capitalism.
I'm sorry, Dennis, but we're going to have to be going now.
MARTHA: You have a lovely holiday.
This is gonna be harder than I thought.
ALICE: What do you mean, there's no other way out of Tanzania?
Three days?
By yak.
Ugh.
I gotta go. I'll figure something out. I gotta go.
Yeah, I love you too. Bye.
No Grandpa?
Don't ever ask someone climbing Mount Kilimanjaro to babysit.
How about a babysitter?
[SCREAMING]
Oh, yeah. Okay, what's plan B?
[SIGHS]
[CHRISTMAS CAROLS PLAYING OVER P.A.]
I'll bet I can find something for Mr. Wilson's Christmas present here.
Please, Dennis, not today. Just stay with me, okay?
Oh, Mom.
Oh, it's just too much. Too much.
I had four Santas the past week.
All the four of them quit within 15 minutes of taking the job.
So if you don't work out...
...I'm going to close the whole thing. - You can count on me.
Because this is not just a job, this is something I have to do.
If I can give the spirit of Christmas to at least one person...
- Well, then... Ha-ha-ha. - Oh, yes. Well, that's wonderful.
- Now do you mind if we do the fitting? - Mr. Souse?
Uh...
Sousez. Not Souse, Sousez.
Oh, Mrs. Mitchell, how nice of you to join us.
Thank you. I'm sorry.
- I couldn't find a babysitter. - Ah.
- Dad says we're blacklisted. - Oh, really?
[ALICE CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
How interesting.
Mrs. Mitchell, they're going to want you at the wrapping table.
I'll be there in a moment. Go on.
- Okay, come on, honey. - Go, go. Go, go.
Ah. Now, ahem, ahem, Robert, about that fitting.
Ah.
How did you do that?
I like to be prepared.
Sit over there, okay?
[WOMAN CHUCKLING]
Okay, honey, now you stay put. And please stay out of trouble.
Relax, Mom. I'll be fine.
I'll take those.
Thank you.
ALICE: Merry Christmas. Who's next?
Great. Oh, aren't you sweet. Ha-ha.
Thank you. Yes, my son is over there. Isn't he adorable? Ha-ha.
Yes, thanks. See you later. Merry Christmas.
Number 36?
Well, it's about time.
[BELL RINGING]
ALICE: Have a happy holiday.
I don't see how we're supposed to do that without snow.
They say it hasn't snowed around here at Christmas time for about...
Thirty years, I know, I know.
WOMAN: It's just not natural, no snow at Christmas.
[BELL JINGLING]
What are you doing?
[PEOPLE GASPING]
Dennis.
Oh, oh. Ah!
[GROANS]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
DENNIS: Wow.
- Look what you did. BOB: Get me up.
[BOB GROANS]
SOUSE: Oh!
Goodness, gracious. What in the name of heaven is going on here?
This child. This deplorable little boy...
...grabbed me in my private area.
Madame, please.
Okay, honey, time to go.
What little boy?
- That one right there. - Huh?
He was right there. I'm sure he was right there.
Oh... Oh...
This is going to be a long Christmas.
Look at that.
I found one.
I actually found one. Martha.
Martha.
Martha, I found one. A 1954...
Oh, Alice, of course we'll babysit Dennis.
What?
ALICE: I would never ask unless I was desperate.
Don't give it a second thought, we'd love to.
- What? ALICE: Thank you both so much.
I'll be home at 5:30.
DENNIS: Hey, Mr. Wilson.
Looks like I'm your new roommate.
[CLOCK TICKING]
- What? - Oh, nothing.
Then why are you staring at me like that?
No reason. I was just wondering...
...what someone like you would be interested in.
I am interested in reading this newspaper.
I mean, you know, like a hobby or something.
Or a gift you would like.
My hobby is reading the newspaper.
And I would like the gift of silence.
- Well, I'm off. - Oh, where are you going?
Oh, I have a few errands to run, dear.
- You're leaving me home with... - George.
- You're leaving me alone? - Lf you want dinner tonight I am.
Now, Dennis, I saved these crayons from your last visit.
MARTHA: So... - Thank you.
You're welcome.
Now, you boys be good, and I'll be back soon.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
[TAPPING]
[DENNIS HUMMING]
Now what?
I don't know what to draw.
Why don't you try writing a letter to Santa Claus?
I already e-mailed him.
Then just...
...color something.
[DENNIS SIGHS]
What to draw?
There's gotta be something Mr. Wilson needs for Christmas...
...and I'm gonna find it.
[GRUNTING]
Oops.
[CREAKING]
Oops.
Mr. Wilson sure has a lot of letters to mail.
Hmm.
MARTHA: I'm home.
George?
Oh.
- Just reading the paper, Martha. - Where's Dennis?
Off with his crayons someplace.
Well, his crayons are here, dear.
Dennis.
Dennis, where are you, dear?
Oh, dear.
Oh, no.
Oh, hi. Good news, Mr. Wilson. Your mail is all ready to go.
My stamps.
Now, dear, remember your blood pressure.
And look at this one.
[GROWLING SOFTLY]
Hey, Mr. Wilson, what's the matter with your face?
MR. WILSON: Dennis!
MR. WILSON [OVER PHONE]: I don 't want him around my house.
I don 't want him anywhere near me.
Of course, Mr. Wilson. You will be completely reimbursed.
[MR. WILSON CONTINUES TALKING]
Okay, you have a good night. And again, we are very sorry...
[DIAL TONE HUMS]
Hello?
- Ten thousand dollars. - For stamps?
Yes, it was a collection. Apparently a lot of antiques.
Don't they have insurance?
They have the, uh...
[IN UNISON] Dennis Clause.
What are we gonna do, Henry?
We don't have that kind of money. It's Christmas. We have to buy gifts.
Dennis wants that racing bike so badly.
We will manage somehow. Everything's gonna be fine.
[OBJECT BREAKS, DOG BARKING]
Dennis.
Dennis?
Dennis? Son, what are you doing?
Well, I thought that maybe if I could figure out...
...the right gift to get Mr. Wilson for Christmas...
...he wouldn't be mad anymore.
Except even if I could figure it out...
...I don't have any money to get him anything.
Well, Dennis, that's the great thing about Christmas.
It's not about the money.
Christmas is about...
...thoughtfulness and kindness and good will.
It's the gesture of giving a gift that counts, not the gift.
It's about family...
...friends...
...and love.
I think what Daddy is trying to say is sometimes the best gifts are free.
I love you, Alice.
I love you, Henry.
Hello? I'm in the room.
[CHUCKLES]
You have to think a little harder.
You'll come up with something. I know you will. There we go.
What do you think, Ruff?
What can I give Mr. Wilson for Christmas that he really, really needs?
[DOG WHIMPERS]
That's it.
I'm gonna give Mr. Wilson the Christmas spirit.
[DOG BARKS]
Hey, Mr. Wilson.
- Hello, Dennis. - What you doing?
I'm going shopping for stamps. Alone.
Oh, I thought maybe you were gonna get a present for Mrs. Wilson.
You know, for Christmas.
Mrs. Wilson and I do not exchange Christmas presents.
We haven't for years.
But I thought Mrs. Wilson liked Christmas.
She likes Christmas, but she doesn't like presents.
Are you sure about that?
Well, she has never come right out and said so but...
So how do you know?
[GROANS]
I hate shopping.
Especially during the holidays. All the crowds, the noise...
...those awful blaring Christmas carols. How's a person supposed to think?
That's okay, Mr. Wilson. I brought backup.
- What? KIDS: Hi, Mr. Wilson.
MARGARET: Come on, Mr. Wilson, come on.
JOEY: We're going to help you.
[SPRAYS]
[TYPING ON CASH REGISTER]
[CASH REGISTER DINGS]
Ump.
See, Mr. Wilson? I told you we'd help you.
Well...
...Martha will sure be pleased.
- Here you go, Mr. Wilson. - Here you go, Mr. Wilson.
- Be careful, Mr. Wilson. - Oh, don't worry about me, Dennis.
I was a dancer in my youth.
MR. WILSON: Two-time regional division tap-dance champion.
There it is.
- What is? - The Mite-Y-Max.
- A bicycle. - It's majestic.
Do you even know what that word means?
JACK: Hey, Mitchell.
Ready to lose on Christmas Day? Loser.
What an unfortunate little boy.
DENNIS: Hey, Mr. Wilson, you dropped your present.
[GASPS THEN GRUNTS]
[GROANING]
Mr. Wilson, I thought you said you could dance.
I hate Christmas.
Yes, dear.
[GROWLING]
WOMAN: Thank you for sharing, Connie.
We have a new member tonight...
...and I'd like you all to make her feel welcome. Go ahead.
ALICE: Hello, everyone.
My name is Alice...
...and I have a spirited child. ALL: Hello, Alice.
[DRAGGING]
DENNIS: How lucky can you get?
We need a Christmas tree for Mr. Wilson...
...and we find one just sitting there. Right on the sidewalk.
GINA: Must be your lucky day.
He's gonna be so surprised when he gets home from the hospital.
- This tree is filthy. - It's called nature, Margaret.
It's called gross.
[RATTLING DOORKNOB]
It's locked.
Ugh.
[WINDOW SLIDES]
It's open. Excellent.
DENNIS: Okay.
Just point the tree in my direction. On the count of three.
One.
Two.
- Three. ALL: Yeargh!
[GLASS BREAKS]
[SIRENS WAILING]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
There's a Christmas tree in here.
[DISPATCHER TALKING INDISTINCTLY OVER RADIO]
That's him. That's the guy.
COP 1: George Wilson, you're under arrest...
...theft of a Christmas tree, one count. - I unload my tree from the car...
...we go into the house to use the can, we come back out and it's gone.
- Yeah, it's gone. - You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.
- You have the right to an attorney. - Uh...
- I didn 't take your Christmas tree. - I saw the kids drag it into your house.
- You're the ringleader. MARTHA: Don 't worry, dear.
I'll bail you out of the slammer.
Dennis.
[HORN HONKING]
- He-he-hey, Mitchell. - Hello, Mr. Bratcher, how are you?
I'm great.
I just sold five more insurance policies, all of them with Dennis Clauses.
Your kid's gonna make me rich.
[CHUCKLING]
Loser.
[CLOCK TICKING]
Is Mr. Wilson okay?
Yes, dear. He just had a rough night in jail, that's all.
[SIGHS]
Uh-oh.
Dennis, I'm gonna run to the drug store very quickly...
...before Mr. Wilson wakes up...
...and get him some more of his special medication.
Can you promise me that you'll stay right here with him until I get back?
I promise.
Very good, dear. Okay, I'll be right back.
Hmm.
Time to bake cookies.
Mmm. Kind of boring.
[VIBRATING]
Oops.
[JAIL CELL DOOR SLAMMING]
[SIGHS]
[CLOCK TICKING]
[MOANS]
[FOOTSTEPS]
DENNIS: Mr. Wilson, I made you something.
They look delicious...
...but Mrs. Wilson doesn't allow me to have cookies.
They're bad for my blood pressure.
Not even one?
Mmm.
MR. WILSON: Maybe just one. After all, it is Christmas.
[CRUNCH] [SIRENS WAILING]
[DISPATCHER TALKING INDISTINCTLY OVER RADIO]
Now, Dennis, you're going to have to tell the doctor...
...exactly what you put in those cookies.
- Is Mr. Wilson gonna be okay? - Yes, dear.
MARTHA: He'll be fine.
Just as soon as they pump his stomach.
[GRUNTING]
[GROANING]
MR. WILSON: Dennis.
[GROWLING]
Hey, Mitchell, I'm waiting for you. Loser!
Why does he gotta be such a bully?
He probably hasn't gotten in touch with his true inner self.
It's genetic, like musical talent or exceptional good looks.
My dad says people are bullies because they don't get enough love at home.
They just need a little more patience, support...
...kindness from members of their communities to turn themselves around.
Okay, now that's just gross.
Okay, this is the last one. Ready, guys?
Set.
And jump.
Perfect. When Mr. Wilson gets home from the hospital tonight...
...he's going to be so happy.
JOEY: Yeah, what could possibly go wrong?
[GROANING]
MARTHA: All right, be careful, dear.
Thank you.
We'll go inside and I'll make you a nice cup of clear broth.
[GROANING]
Look at the lights.
[GASPING]
Aah!
[LIGHT BULBS BREAKING]
Whoa. Oh.
[SIREN WAILING]
[DISPATCHER TALKING INDISTINCTLY OVER RADIO]
George, remember your blood pressure.
I, uh... I am so sorry, Mr. Wilson.
We'll pay for everything, don't you worry about that.
We'll pay for everything somehow.
[SIGHS]
Oh, God.
How bad is it?
- You don't wanna know. - Oh.
MAN [OVER TV]: And now, sit back, relax and enjoy our presentation...
... of Children of the Damned.
MAN 2: We return to The Bad Seed after these messages.
MAN 3: Rosemary's Baby right after this.
- Maybe we should read. - Yeah, read.
Prr.
JACK: Hey, slug.
Enjoy Christmas Eve tonight. Because tomorrow is the day you lose.
[BELL RINGING]
[ALL PANTING]
I hope you put that jerk in his place, Dennis Mitchell.
It doesn't matter.
- What? - Tomorrow's Christmas.
And the only thing left on my Christmas spirit list...
...to give Mr. Wilson is Santa Claus.
How the heck am I gonna do that?
You wanna come and play ball with us or something?
Get your mind off it?
[BELL RINGING]
All right, merry Christmas. Merry... Hello.
No. Thanks anyways. You guys go on. I'll see you later.
- Hi. - Yo, what's up? Oh, hey.
[LAUGHS]
- Ho-ho-ho. Merry Christmas. - You're the Santa from the mall, right?
I was, all right? I lost that gig.
So, what are you doing out here?
Hello? I'm trying to spread the Christmas spirit.
If I can give it to just one person, one person.
Maybe you can help my friend Joey. He really wants snow for Christmas.
[LAUGHS]
Snow? Oh, man. It hasn't snowed on Christmas here in 30 years.
You need to put a dollar in this bucket.
Wait a minute. What did you say?
I said what you need is a dollar in this bucket.
No, before that. Did you say Christmas spirit?
- That's right. See, I came here to- - Do you need to give it to somebody?
- Yeah. - You know what, Santa?
I know just the guy.
[BELL RINGS]
[COUGHING]
MR. WILSON: Martha?
[COUGHING CONTINUES]
Martha, what's going on?
I was just trying to warm up the room.
That hole in the wall makes it a little drafty in here.
[CRACKLING]
Ah, there must be something stuck in the chimney.
[THUD]
- Ooh. - What the dickens is going on?
[THUD]
[COUGHING]
What are you doing up there?
Ho-ho-ho, Mr. Winston.
Get down off my roof, you idiot. The name is Wilson.
[COUGHING CONTINUES]
Hey, Mr. Wilson. Surprise.
Dennis. I might have known you'd have something to do with this.
That's right. I'm your secret Santa.
- You're my what? - Your secret Santa.
[COUGHING, CLEARING THROAT]
You be quiet up there. And get down.
What is it, George?
It's Santa Claus. I found him in the park...
...and I brought him here to give Mr. Wilson the Christmas spirit.
- Oh, that's nice, dear. - You found him in the park...
...and you brought him here to my home?
Merry Christmas, Mr. Wilson.
Yeah, merry Christmas, Mr. Winston. Ha-ha-ha.
- Wilson! - Ho-ho-ho.
So you got the Christmas spirit yet, Mr. Wilson?
Ohhh.
I need some help.
[SIREN WAILING]
COP: Come on, Santa. - Ohh.
Give me a break.
- I'm trying to spread the spirit. - Yeah.
- In the car. - Can't we all get along?
- We'll get along at the station. In the car. - Watch the hat. It's expensive.
Ugh.
[HURRIED FOOTSTEPS]
[DOORBELL RINGS]
[EXHALING]
[DOOR OPENS]
MARTHA: George, dear?
I brought someone to see you.
I'm gonna leave you two boys alone.
Mr. Wilson?
Now what?
I just came to say I'm sorry. For everything.
Here, I made you a card.
You stay away from here.
Stay away from my wife, from my home, from me.
But, Mr. Wilson...
Don't say my name. Forget you ever knew me.
You're nothing but trouble, Dennis Mitchell.
You're a menace.
Now, go away. I never wanna see you again.
And one more thing.
There is no such thing as Santa Claus.
[CRYING]
[WIND WHISTLING]
BOB: I had you on my good list.
I had toys for you guys.
Now you're on my bad list. Guess who's naughty, both of you.
Don't worry, Santa. We'll get you back to the North Pole on time.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
[DISPATCHER TALKING INDISTINCTLY OVER RADIO]
Pull over, Stenski. Pull over. We lost Santa Claus.
[SIREN WAILING]
- Merry Christmas, everyone. - But it isn 't until Tuesday, mum.
Well, we need it now...
... so let's go ahead and have it. Norah, Ito.
Patrick.
Oh, I did want to pay you some of your back salary...
ITO: Now not another word about it, mum.
You know we wouldn 't think of leaving you.
MAME: Oh, it's isn 't seventeen jewels, Ito.
But I'm not sure that time is worth all that decoration these days.
[SNORING]
- Hey, Martha. BOB: Ahem.
I'm coming.
[GASPS]
Don't be afraid. Ha-ha.
I'm here to help you, Mr. Wilson.
[CHUCKLES]
What, uh...
[CLATTERING]
Hey, that's my ice bucket.
Ahh. Sorry. I knew I should've gone for a smaller set of wings.
You know how it is. You're in a rush, rushing out the door...
...and you grab anything that could fit. - Wait.
Wait, you're the jerk that was stuck in my chimney tonight.
Well, you can call me jerk if you want to but I prefer Bob. Ha-ha.
Yeah, Bob, jerk, or whatever your name is, I'm calling the police.
How did you...?
What, do I got to spell it out for you, Georgie? Come on.
The suit, the wings, it's Christmas. Ha-ha-ha.
This guy...
[CLATTERING]
Ooh. Uh...
I guess that was valuable to you too, huh?
Sorry. It's a nice lamp.
[CHUCKLES]
You're an angel.
Pfft.
Not exactly. More like... Let's see, the Christmas spirit. Whoa.
- Whoa! - Oh.
Heh. Whew! That was a close one.
Spirit?
I'm dead.
He did it to me, didn't he?
Dennis.
He finished me off.
[LAUGHING] No, no.
You're not dead.
Well, at least not in the traditional sense. Ha-ha-ha.
What is that supposed to mean?
- Let me show you. - I'm not going anywhere with you.
But, Georgie...
[FRAME BREAKS]
Anything. All right, I'll go, as long as you get out of my house.
Sounds good to me. Hold on.
Why?
BOB: Whoo-hoo!
[BOB HUMMING]
[MR. WILSON GASPS]
Hey, this...
- This flying is all right. - Ha-ha. Really?
I could never get the hang of it, man.
- What? - Ooh, oh!
[VEHICLE PASSING BY]
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
Where are we?
Mr. Newman. Mr. Newman.
That's...
That's me.
Mr. Newman.
Boy, you were such a cute kid. Heh.
What happened?
[DOORBELL RINGING]
- Oh, Georgie. - Look, Mr. Newman.
Here's a picture of it in my comic.
NEWMAN: "The Fabulous Freddy Fishing Rod."
GEORGIE: Yeah, isn't it swell? NEWMAN: Yeah.
The one I told you about. I send the picture to Santa...
...and he'll know exactly what I want.
Yes, I'm sure he can hardly wait.
The things I do in the name of neighborliness.
He was a very patient man.
Really?
MAN [OVER RADIO]: Folks, today I have good news from Hollywood.
The little girl with the big dimples and the sunshine in her eye.
June Allyson, star of...
NEWMAN: Mrs. Newman left you some crayons and paper.
She should be back from the market any time now.
Swell. I think I'll work on my letter to Santa.
NEWMAN: Good.
And just stay out of trouble until your mother gets home from work. Hmm?
- Sure, Mr. Newman. - Go, go, go, go.
[WOMAN TALKING INDISTINCTLY OVER RADIO]
[SIGHS]
Ahh. That can't be right.
[SIGHS]
Mr. Newman?
- Yeah? - You got any stamps?
- Yeah, around here somewhere. - Okey-dokey, dominokey.
NEWMAN: Ahh...
[HORN HONKING]
Uh-oh. Where were you going?
I remember this.
Gosh, I wonder why Mr. Newman left his boats out here.
I better put them back where they belong.
MR. WILSON: No, no, no. No.
No, no.
Don't do it. Don't do it.
He can't hear you.
[GASPS]
- Oh... That's not good. - Ahh...
- Ah! - I've gotta stop this.
[RADIO PLAYING IN BACKGROUND]
[FOOTSTEPS]
Mr. Newman, go upstairs, now.
- I told you, he can't hear you. - Mr. Newman.
- There's nothing you can do. - Go upstairs now.
[WATER DROPS FALLING]
Oh! Oh!
Georgie.
Oooh.
Georgie!
[NEWMAN MOANING]
[CHUCKLES]
You were really something, huh? Ha-ha-ha.
Yeah.
Yeah, I guess I was.
That was the year that I accidentally knocked all the power out to the city.
It took them three days to turn it back on again.
I never did get that fishing rod.
Come on. We got places to go.
Are we done?
Nope, not yet.
Hey, that's me.
Nice way to spend Christmas Eve, huh?
[SNORING]
You lucked out with that one, Wilson.
I did, indeed.
[SLIDING DRAWER]
Too bad you don't appreciate it.
Merry Christmas.
I...
I didn't know.
No, you didn't.
What are we gonna do, Henry?
With the damage tonight and the stamp collection...
...and everything else, we're gonna owe Mr. Wilson $40,000.
It's actually closer to 45 but at this point, who's counting?
Well, they do owe me that money.
That child caused all the damages.
It's only fair.
Mm-hm.
[CRYING] Poor Dennis.
He wants that bike so desperately.
I know, honey. I wish we had the money, but we don't.
He's gonna be heartbroken.
[ALICE AND HENRY SIGH]
I know he's a handful but he's a good boy.
And no child deserves to be heartbroken on Christmas.
We're gonna have to sell the house, aren't we?
HENRY: A smaller place might be nice for a change.
Cozy.
- What? - But we're together...
...and that's all that matters.
Can't you do something?
[SIGHS]
If the Mitchells move...
...that means they're taking Dennis with them.
BOB: Isn't that what you always wanted?
Oh.
[CREAKING]
Oh. Hah.
[DOG WHIMPERING]
Mr. Wilson is right, Ruff. I am a menace. I'm no good.
You heard Mr. Wilson.
There's no such thing as Santa Claus. He said it, so it must be true.
I'm not gonna get the Mite-Y-Max bike.
Jack'll win tomorrow and I'll be a loser.
You know what, Ruff? Christmas is stupid.
[DOG BARKS]
Oh, no.
The S word.
He said the S word.
This is bad, very bad.
Invisible, remember?
But not intangible.
Look, I got it, all right?
I'm Scrooge, you're the ghost of Christmas.
I have to learn my lesson, blah, blah, blah.
But this boy is suffering.
This has to stop right now.
Not yet.
Now where are we?
Is this the future?
MAN [OVER P.A.]: Happy holidays to all citizens.
Recycled air will be available free tomorrow to all citizens...
... as a holiday gift from our beloved twin presidents, Mary Kate and Ashley.
[SNICKERING]
- What's that smell? - Heh.
Oh, they had to start adding sun block, SPF 800, to the air around 2019.
I guess we should have listened to Al Gore. Ha-ha-ha.
Oh, no.
MR. WILSON: Is that my house?
Yup.
You lived there with your wife until she died. Rest her soul.
Then you lived there the rest of your life...
...alone.
BOB: No family.
No friends even.
You pushed everyone away until you were left with nothing.
It looks so Ionely.
It is.
[DOG WHIMPERING]
That's the Mitchells' house. Why isn't it decorated?
MAN: Get out of here.
But, Mr. Mitchell, it's Christmas Eve.
I told you, I don't want a wreath. I don't want lights.
I don't want any decorations. I don't like Christmas.
Now get lost.
What happened to Henry?
Shameless capitalism, at its best.
Why is he such a crab?
Alice and Henry sold the house back in '07...
...because of their massive debt that they owed you.
Henry got a second job and so did Alice.
[WHIRRING]
Their lives were never the same after that.
Dennis swore his whole entire life that he was gonna buy that house back.
From that point on, that was his one goal.
He went to college on a skateboard scholarship.
He got a really good job working in an insurance company.
Well, there you go.
With adversity comes success.
But at what price?
He never had a family.
He never had kids.
He barely had any friends.
Where is he now?
Mr. Wilson...
...that's not Henry Mitchell.
Dennis?
His Christmas spirit was broken way back then.
That's the year you told him there was no Santa Claus.
No.
- We've got to do something. - Don't waste your breath, Mr. Wilson.
Dennis, it's me.
Give it up, man. It's too late.
Forget what I said.
I was wrong.
Christmas isn't stupid. It isn't.
- Please. Listen to me. - Merry Christmas, George Wilson.
Dennis.
[EXHALES]
Where am I?
[GRUNTS]
Trying to sell you these wings. These are the original wings.
There are seven left, folks. Seven left. They just sold it, it's going like hotcakes.
Please buy these wings.
Heavenly bodies are trying to give you these wings so you can fly.
- Dennis? - Look at these feathers made of goose.
Real goose. This is not fake. Uh-huh.
It's not something you get in Chinatown. You know what I'm saying? Ha-ha-ha.
[BOB TALKING INDISTINCTLY OVER TV]
Here, I made you a card.
Mr. Wilson, I'm sorry for everything.
DENNIS: Have you got the Christmas spirit yet...
... Mr. Wilson?
It's Christmas.
I've got a lot of things to do.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas, everyone.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas, everyone.
Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Yes.
[HENRY YAWNS, SNIFFS]
- Do you want some coffee, honey? - Yeah.
- Henry. - Yeah?
- Henry. - What?
[RUNNING FOOTSTEPS]
Whoa!
No way.
He brought it. He brought it. There is a Santa Claus.
- Did you? - No.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
[IN UNISON] Santa Claus?
Mind if I come in? It's freezing out there.
Now...
...this is an itemized list of the debts that you owe me.
Look, Mr. Wilson, I said we were gonna pay you the money.
I was gonna...
Pay you soon.
Merry Christmas, Henry. Merry Christmas.
Are you okay, Mr. Wilson?
Alice, my dear, I have never been better.
What about the money? The Dennis Clause?
Forget about that. I'm gonna call the school...
...they owe me a few favors. I'll see what they have to say.
Oh.
Thank you, Mr. Wilson.
Uh... George. Well, heck. You can call me Georgie.
Georgie.
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
Mr. Wilson, look. I got my bike. Santa brought my bike.
And well, he should have.
You deserve it.
You have been a very good boy this year.
You...
You are a very good person, Dennis Mitchell.
And I'm quite happy to know you.
You okay, Mr. Wilson?
[CHUCKLES]
Dennis...
...I'm better than okay.
I'm majestic.
Hmm?
Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas, Mr. Wilson. - Ho-ho-ho.
- Huh? - Ha-ha-ha.
[DOOR OPENS]
MARTHA: George?
[SIGHS]
George, I slept so late.
There's a Christmas tree in our living room.
Hmm.
George.
[CHUCKLES]
- Well, what do you think? - Oh.
George, you shouldn't have done all this.
Of course I should have.
I should have done it a long, long time ago, Martha.
And if you promise to forgive me for being an old grouch...
...I promise I'll make up for all the lost Christmases we've ever had.
George, they were never lost...
...you old grouch. We were always together...
...and that's all the Christmas I ever needed.
Oh.
I was saving this for your birthday...
...but since it's Christmas...
[DRAWER OPENS]
You mentioned this a long time ago.
GEORGIE'S VOICE: Look, Mr. Newman. Here's a picture of it in my comic.
"The Fabulous Freddy Fishing Rod."
Yeah, isn't it swell?
MR. WILSON: Martha.
Where did you ever find this?
Dennis taught me how to shop online.
You can find anything you want out there.
Oh, Martha.
I've never had to look that far.
Oh, George.
Mm.
Wow.
[CHUCKLES]
Wow.
[EX CITED CHATTER]
All right, now listen to me.
Back off.
You're gonna go out there and beat that Mitchell kid. You got it?
Yeah.
- What? I can't hear you. - Yeah.
Look at me.
No Bratcher is a loser. Got it?
- Got it. - Say it.
No Bratcher is a loser.
And if you don't come in first, you're a what?
- Huh? A what? - A loser.
Good.
Now go out there and show him who's the fastest kid in town.
Yeah.
All right, son.
Drive safely.
Do your best. And remember, no matter what happens...
...you're always a winner. Mm! - Thanks.
Okay.
Good luck, Dennis. You might not lose.
Dennis, you need to beat this guy, for all of us.
You can do it, I know you can. I believe in you, Dennis Mitchell.
- Holy cow. - Ugh. Whatever.
All right, racers to the starting line.
MARGARET: First one to the end of the block and back is the winner.
On your marks.
Get set.
Go.
[ALL CHEERING]
Come on, Dennis.
Let's go. Don't be a loser.
Come on.
Go, Dennis! Go!
You can do it, buddy!
Come on.
Faster. Beat him.
Do your best, son.
Don't be a loser.
HENRY: The apple doesn 't fall far from the tree.
JACK: Loser!
Loser.
JACK: Loser!
KIDS [CHANTING]: De-nnis! De-nnis! De-nnis!
[SQUEAKS]
[CHEERING CONTINUES]
Dennis.
Come on. Come on. Come on.
Yeah.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
That's it. All right, buddy. That's my boy.
That's how the Bratchers do it, pal. Right on. You see my kid?
My kid won.
Yeah, that's it, pal.
That's how the Bratchers do it, pal.
You're a winner. A winner.
And that kid over there...
BO Y: Good job, Dennis. Nice job. - That kid...
...is a loser.
Say it.
Loser.
Let's go home.
GIRL: You were awesome.
Well, son...
...I know you did your best. - Mm-hm.
What do you say we go have some hot chocolate?
- Be there in a minute, Dad. - All right, buddy.
You let him win, didn't you?
He needed it more than I did.
JACK [IN MEAN VOICE]: Hey, Mitchell.
Thanks.
Merry Christmas, Jack.
Merry Christmas, Mitch... Um...
Dennis.
It's snowing. It's snowing. I knew it would snow.
[KIDS CHEERING]
GIRL: Snow.
KID 1: Snow. KID 2: Hot chocolate.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[CHUCKLES]
- I just love happy endings. Heh-heh-heh. MALE VOICE: Ho-ho-ho.
Okay, I'm coming.
Ah. Tsk. Look at the snow.
MARTHA: I don't remember seeing it snow like this since I was a little girl.
HENRY: Uh-oh.
[MARTHA CHUCKLES]
Be right back.
[CLEARS THROAT]
HENRY: Getting cold out here. - Yeah.
You want some?
No. L...
Come on, Bratcher, it's Christmas. Heh-heh.
Thanks.
HENRY: Congratulations on the race.
George, invite him in.
I'll be right in. I'm just going to shake the snow off the bushes.
[DENNIS GRUNTING]
DENNIS: Aah!
Ah... Ah!
Uh-oh.
DENNIS: Aah, aah, aah!
Mr. Wilson!
[TIRES SKIDDING, DOG BARKS]
MR. WILSON: Dennis!