Women of a certain age trying to stay attractive to their partner...
are advised not to look down when they are on top.
I read these things somewhere and they get stuck in my head.
Just like:
86 per cent of the Dutch population...
feels embarrassed watching a sex scene in a film.
Why do I always remember...
Sorry. ...such useless information...
while I can't come up with a way to keep my marriage interesting?
Another fact:
The males of most species do not mate more than once with the same female.
Because genetically that's completely pointless.
Kasper and I have already done it at least 1445 times.
What does that say about us?
Can we still look each other in the eye...
and say that we're happy?
Give it to me.
You've had your turn.
Let go of my bean bag. Twit. Let go.
Dumbo. - Boys. My file.
I want peanut butter. - No, that sticks in your gut.
Get off your brother's bean bag.
How on earth did you manage to do that? What did you do to it?
Nothing. Just used it to make calls.
Okay, I may have left it outside last night.
Mom.
Good morning, Nes. - Morning.
Nes, we need to leave at five.
We'll take the boys to hockey. You pick them up.
On Monday? - It's in the diary.
Sas has a dental appointment.
Why doesn't anyone bring back their cup from school?
Sas, you have to go.
Sas? - Dad.
Bye, honey. Be careful.
Kas, you answer that.
Boys, hurry up. Daddy's waiting.
Answer it. - Where is it?
Boys, where's the phone?
I can't find it.
Huh? Where...
How hard can it be?
Keep your hands off my bean bag.
Alright.
Off to school.
Mom, I'll look stupid.
You should have looked after your cup then.
Come on.
Bye, hon.
Bye.
Bye bye, sweeties.
Good morning. - Morning.
God, this is impossible.
Let me help.
Hey, smoking kills.
I hardly smoke, so I'll only die a little bit.
You alright?
At 9 you have a meeting about the Good Food deal.
If you take your 10.15-10.25 phone conference in your car...
you should make it to the tour at Flora-NL in time.
Which starts at? - 10.30 in Almere.
Sharp. The Chinese are very punctual.
Lunch at Sampang at 2.
Followed by a 5 o'clock staff meeting in the office.
We need your input and this was your only free time slot.
So I planned it in.
And then you need to come and sign some contracts.
Where do I need to go? - Sampang, I told you.
And a staff meeting in the office at 5.
I tried to reschedule... - I understand. Five o'clock.
No problem. I'll be there.
Come on.
Grammy. - Come on, walk now.
Kasper is going to be held up.
Hi, Mom. - Hi. Hey.
And you had time to fill in? - Well, no.
I had my annual back-to-basics walk.
I sacrificed myself to stop things from falling apart here.
That's good of you, Mom. Don't you think that's sweet, boys?
Where are you going?
Mom. Not inside.
KookSoof catering service. Nes speaking.
Mom, can we have a snack? - Ask your grandma.
She's busy. - What do you mean?
What?
Do you mean to say that you did not ask for an advance?
So that dickhead just cancelled?
O Soof, how could you?
Finances are not my thing.
Well, we can always freeze it...
So you're saying you're not breaking even?
Well, no. Not yet. It still needs to take off.
But you're not getting there now. Despite all the work you put into it.
Then you should quit.
Just do the math.
This is good.
And if you stayed home more?
That would be lovely. But someone has to pay the mortgage.
A hundred years ago, Kas and I'd often see the sun rise together.
Of course we'd feel hung over, but we didn't care.
I don't quite know when we stopped having fun.
It's probably to do with the kids. They always get the blame.
Fortunately, one develops hobbies.
It hardly compensates.
But at least it's something.
So much for a grand and glorious life.
But it could have been worse. And that's a comfort.
Jesus.
Bye.
Can you hold back the next course? - Of course.
Shall I do it now? - I suppose.
Instead of between the main and dessert?
No, I think you should do it now.
Did you enjoy it?
Thank you.
Didn't we go to school together?
I'm going out for a smoke.
It should've been black. Would've been more credible.
Sorry, what? - Well, in terms of size...
Two frogs are walking in the woods.
And one says: - Good of you to come, Gerrit.
You just need to bring this next door.
What did you discuss with Jim Cole? - Who?
Come on, Soof. You know who he is.
Of course I do. He's that choreographer from TV.
Was that Jim Cole?
Funny. On TV he seems a lot more... - Sexy.
Do you think?
What the...
Kasper speaking.
Oh? No, I don't know.
That depends. I'm not home right now.
Hey, hi. - Hi.
Wasn't that Sas's dance teacher? - Really?
I thought it was some politician.
Sorry, I have to take this. Kasper Hansen speaking.
What is the matter with me? - I have to check.
I'm not home, like I said. - You push the trolley.
I'll check it for you.
It sounds like a skeleton in the closet and a reason to withdraw.
Yes.
Yes, I'm on it.
Mom. - Oh, boys.
How did you do that?
Wait.
Kas, Kas.
KookSoof catering service. Soof speaking.
Listen to me. Mind your head.
And you come out as well. Now.
Dad. - Yes?
Can you take over? I have to...
You stop that. Get off there. For God's sake.
Bloody hell. Look at me. I've had it with you.
Stand here and not a word.
For how many people? - 75.
75? - Yes.
How will you manage?
If I can cook for 10 people, I can cook for 75.
And if everyone helps out at home... Guys. Come on.
Okay, fine. Thanks a lot.
Hi, Mom.
Gerrit, find a place for that freezer. - What's all this?
Wait. - Calm down, boys.
Something smells in here.
Sorry, Mom. - Ouch.
You're squashing me.
Careful. Hot.
Open the door, will you?
Mom?
- What?
When are we having dinner? - Ask your grandma.
Grammy's asleep.
There you go, my little monkeys.
Grammy. - Mom, Grammy stole our dinner.
What am I looking for? - They're wispy green things.
This? - Yes, that's alfalfa.
Just taste it, so you won't forget.
Yuck. Like eating pubic hair.
I know a joke about pubic hair.
Mom, what's a bongo? - A type of African drum.
We have to bring one to school tomorrow.
Where's Grammy? - Out here having a smoke.
Can you send Sascha out? - Sas.
Come on, put it in a bowl.
How can you promise to bring a bongo if we don't have one?
Where's the couch? - Sas.
Bring your Madagascar zebra. That's from Africa.
How can we watch TV without a couch? - You're not supposed to watch TV.
Give me that. Go and do something sociable.
Come on, Sas. Grammy will take you. Dad will pick you up.
Bye.
Hi, honey. It's me. I won't be able to make it.
So what time will you be home? - I don't know. Late.
God, I thought you said you'd help out.
I've got to go.
Bye.
- Bye.
Guys, I'm out of here.
Can you sign this? It needs to go tonight.
I would like to... - Hang on.
There. - Thanks. And call Jansen.
Could you give me your login codes so I can get things started?
Good luck.
Kasper, do you have a minute? Some issues have come up.
Just join us for a second. - Yeah, sure.
Mom? I'm tired. - What?
Can we go to bed now?
Yes.
Soof?
Hi there.
You know it's the weekend? - Yes, but it's urgent.
Your mom will be here soon. - No, not Grammy again.
I would have preferred to have my Saturday off too.
Bye. - Right.
Stop that.
Come on. Knock it off.
Shit. They're not eating.
Alright. Bring on the booze.
Not for me. For them.
Do you have any ketchup? - No.
Well, honey. If you don't want him, I'll have him.
I'm married, Nes.
That was unexpectedly good. - Really? Why, thank you.
It's just... From the way you look...
I was expecting pumpkin soup and vegetable pie. You know?
But it was very good. Really great.
Vegetable pie?
Otherwise he'll never guess.
Tupac?
Did you know that in the seventies we went on all these marches...
so that you men'd be at home more? - No. As a matter of fact, I didn't.
A chicken. A chicken.
Right.
Now I am up for it.
Jesus, Soof. - Hey.
How did it go? - Very well.
So it was a success? - Yes.
Three more. - What?
Three new assignments? - Yes.
Wow.
You need to call a client. - Please leave a message...
You have a prep meeting at nine.
You must attend... - The only time slot...
Hi.
Can I help you? - Yes.
I'm looking for something that doesn't make me look like a vegetable pie.
KookSoof catering service. Soof here.
Oh, great. Good of you to call back.
Oh, excellent. For how many people?
46? Alright, fine. I'll book you in.
Yes, thank you.
85 people for 26 April. Of course. I'll book you in.
I also have that in a safari print.
Nice.
Surprise.
What? - May I take your coat?
Can I take you to your seat?
What's all this? - Daddy's staying home.
Can I please tell her myself?
You're what?
I've taken a sabbatical.
But why?
Because it is your turn now.
But... Surely you don't need to give up work altogether.
Shouldn't we have discussed this first?
Then it wouldn't have been a surprise.
Then who's taking care of the mortgage?
You.
I'll take care of things at home and you bring in the money.
We have high expectations. Right, boys?
Oh, really? - Absolutely.
Yuck. - Sex.
So you'll do the housework? - Sure. How hard can it be?
Cheers. - Cheers.
Cheers, guys.
Hi.
I'll go get an apron. - Of course. No problem.
No, that would be fine.
Yes?
That same evening? I'm going to need that table.
Alright. - No, I was talking to someone else.
No, we don't make our own cheeses. It's French cheese.
I've booked you in. Bye.
Hello? Yes, of course. For how many people would that be?
Alright. Sure.
So where do I sit? - Sorry, I need all the space today.
Why don't you go sit in your study?
Are you getting anywhere with that, Gaby?
Right. Just press it down. Like that.
Gently now. Excellent.
Gently. Like that. Careful.
Dies won't let me have the fart cushion. - This one's mine.
Go to Daddy, boys.
Hey, let go. - No, I'm keeping it now.
Boys. What did I tell you?
But Daddy's not home. - We've looked everywhere.
Sorry.
I'll be right back.
What the hell is it this time?
There you are.
Kas? Kas.
What?
Go do something fun. With the kids. Outside.
Now.
Come on, Sas. - What?
We're going to do something fun.
Dad, I have homework to do. - I know.
If I don't pass, it's on you. - Okay.
It's gonna be fun, fun, fun
Don't forget the shopping, Mr. Sabbatical.
Mind your hands. Bye now.
Shut up.
Dad, say something.
What's the problem? Just join in. It's gonna be fun, fun, fun.
Yes, I know. I know.
Maybe you can squeeze me in?
No. No, I understand.
Oh, how stupid. Come on, darling.
Excuse me. Where can I find the school sex?
It probably says school snacks.
How's the coat? - My coat...
Very good. Thanks again. - You're welcome.
Captain Cookie. - Sorry?
Raisins. Crackers.
School snacks.
In the aisle with the biscuits. You'll see.
Hang in there.
Here, Sas. And you take this.
Are you wearing that to work?
Hi, Mom.
Yes, I'm wearing this to work.
I've made too much food, so you won't have to cook. Bye.
Dad, do you think it has bones? - I should think so.
Soof, isn't it? - Yes.
I spotted you on Twitter. Very witty.
Where were you all this time?
Ehm... In the kitchen, mostly.
I mean, why are we only hearing about you now?
Your style of cooking, that basic know-how.
All those ingredients you combine to perfection.
I've never seen anything like it.
Like this thing. It is vegan, but it doesn't have the vegan feel.
Where did you learn to cook so well?
With a little help from goodfood.com.
Excuse me?
Sas?
Shouldn't you be in bed?
It is your fault that I'm still on my homework now.
Do we have to do this now? I'm making sabayon.
Careful now.
No peeking.
Are you ready?
One, two...
And? - Imagine:
A giant cooking suite, right in the middle. In stainless steel.
With glass panes all round.
And over here... - Right.
Look where you're going. - Do we still have that shit?
That shit's worth money. - O God, more to clean up.
This'll be storage. High storing racks. - Right.
I was thinking here... No, there... The cold storage.
Big plans. - The size of a walk-in closet.
How do we pay for that? - We have a little saved.
If you keep cooking like you do, it will pay itself back. Mind your step.
Kas, I can't handle a building project right now.
Don't you worry your pretty little head about that.
I can't wait around all day for the children to get back.
I'm going to build you a super kitchen.
So I said to myself: No worries. I'll just pop it all into the freezer.
Gerrit?
Attic. - Attic?
No, no, No attic.
Kas? - It's working again.
Your Pole is looking for you.
His name is Zlaveck. - Whatever.
Kas? She has a dance class.
Oh great, Dad.
Sorry.
Oh, forget it.
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening to you all.
And welcome on behalf of the Postcode Lottery.
I hope you're enjoying your food. We're about to serve dessert.
Congratulations on the fabulous prize you've won.
You're all millionaires now. That must be a wonderful feeling.
All I can say is I wish you all a happy and a healthy life.
Can I have a vodka? - Sure.
There you go.
Excuse me. Can I have that back?
We'll put in the siphon first.
What do I use? This one? - I use that for tap.
It's long enough, isn't it? - Sure.
Guys, we need to celebrate life. I've brought booze.
Zlaveck doesn't drink.
Really? Not even vodka? - No. Coke, apple juice.
You call yourself a Pole?
And you? - I need a clear head in the morning.
Pussies.
So do I use this one? - Yes.
Soof? I'm off to take the kids to school. - Alright.
Here. This just came. By courier.
Aren't you going to open it?
What is it?
A joke. - From whom?
Doesn't matter. Can I wipe now?
Start by bearing the patient's chest.
If necessary, remove their upper clothing.
Is Bing really allowed behind the steering wheel?
With the engine running?
What did I tell you? Get out of there.
Get away from the wheel this instant. Move it. Now.
Sixty years ago, we were on the battlefield together.
We have colleagues here from the Indies. From Korea.
Is Kasper struggling as a stay-at-home dad?
Three of our comrades have passed away...
Headaches all the time, right?
We're all getting on. Death comes for us all.
Meanwhile...
Hey, you know what they say, right?
I'm glad we're all here, in this wonderful place.
It's simply wonderful that we can still get together to share our stories.
Soof's signed up for a course in parachute jumping.
Looking good, hon.
Jan Jaap is interested in our renovation project. Why don't you join us?
Pasta alla vongole. Isn't it just divine?
We could do it now?
Would you like that?
And you?
Let's just go to sleep. It's already late.
Bloody mice.
Kas?
Kas.
Don't you think...
I mean...
What? - Shouldn't we...
I want to start the under floor heating. - I'll be right there.
Shouldn't we what? - Make a bit more of an effort?
Who's taking me to the dentist?
We'll sort that out later. Mommy and I are talking. Now scram.
What exactly do you mean by that?
Are you not coming to our swimming test tomorrow?
Oh, how stupid of me. Oh, shit.
Oh. Come here, my lovely. - What is it?
Mommy can't come to our swimming test tomorrow.
I'll be there. Mommy has to work. We're talking. Scram.
I'm so sorry. So stupid of me. This is terrible.
They need a set of old clothes. They're in the bag under the bed.
When you were still working, Dad, we never had this kind of problem.
Do you think I want to be lectured by my 15 year old daughter?
Just brilliant, Sas. Makes me feel so much better. Not.
Big fat bum. - Big fat bum.
Honey, I can't. I'm busy all day.
I told you, Soof. Pay some attention.
Don't bother making me lunch. I'll throw it away anyway.
I'll reschedule the dentist.
He won't like it. - He won't like it.
I thought you were going to take care of these things.
...you were going to take care of these things.
I'll call my mom. - No, not Grammy again.
Never mind, I'll take her. No problem.
Good. I don't want that silly yoga nut in my kitchen either.
Good morning. - Morning.
...don't want that silly yoga nut in my kitchen either.
We'll never get the building done this way. You do realize that?
Where are the snacks for our Africa project?
You said you'd do snacks for our Africa project.
O, sweeties. How stupid of me. - You can make me one too.
But you know, it is not so bad.
Having nothing to eat is in fact very African. Just ask your teacher.
I just stopped by to drop this off.
The phone never stopped ringing this morning.
I mean, it really is a fun piece.
Mom, could you whip up something nice with a mango?
Well... As a matter of fact, I was on my way to a bowel detox party.
But if you need me to... - No, don't worry.
Bye.
'With a little help from goodfood.com.' - Look at that. You're in the paper.
So you're even in the papers now.
Zlaveck. - Bye.
Hey, that looks nice.
This one or that one?
Can we look around some more? - No time.
Hello.
I don't like either of them.
Zlaveck's waiting. You have to choose now.
I wanted to pick something out together. - So, this one or that one.
They're both perfect.
You can't find better than this.
I might prefer a carpet. Or wood.
Do you sell wood? No? Too bad. Then I'm leaving.
Soof. It is your kitchen.
Oh, now it's my kitchen? Even if I don't have a say in anything?
Can't believe I took a day off to choose between two identical stone tiles.
And it's not even fun. - They're not the same.
They're not the same.
This is Ardennes, that's Vosges.
We visited Jim Cole...
who showed us why he was chosen to do the choreography...
for Hugh Grant's new film. - Isn't that Mommy's friend?
Mommy? Mommy works with him.
With that little sex gnome?
Dad, he's not a sex gnome.
Boys.
Are you going out? - Yeah, sorry.
I really don't feel like it. But I have to.
Where to? - A film premiere.
Nice. Whose? - Hugh Grant.
Hugh Grant? - Jim did the choreography for it. So...
Nice.
Shall I come with you?
This is fun. It's been ages since we've done anything together.
Kas?
What are you doing? - It's not funny.
Please help. - Come here.
I can't get it undone.
It's a hook clasp. - It's tangled up.
So pull it loose. Ouch.
Never mind. I'll do it myself.
Why don't you take that one off first?
Do you have the tickets?
Very nice.
Who's that? - Joop Braakhekke.
Really? The famous chef?
And he waved at me? - Yes.
Hi.
Joop Braakhekke.
I say. What a coincidence. - Hi. What are you doing here?
I worked on the set as a physiotherapist.
For Hugh Grant?
And now you're an item.
What are you doing here? - I'm here with my wife. If I can find her.
I seem to have lost her.
What do you mean I was overdoing it?
You don't even remember. You were wasted.
I had a couple of glasses of wine. Am I not allowed to have fun now?
Are you serious? You're having nothing but fun.
Hang on. Is that what this is all about?
Hang on. Wait. Do you feel slighted?
Well, you listen to me. I have tried to balance work and family for years.
For years. Do you hear me?
Hello. - Hi.
And now it's my turn...
I told you I disliked them.
Sorry, hon. But as you're screwing someone else, I don't really care.
Yes?
No, we don't read the Telegraph, Mom.
Mom.
Mom, I'll call you right back.
Wait a moment. Kasper.
Did you think I wouldn't notice? It's so obvious.
I'm not involved with Jim. At least not in the way you think.
Jesus, Kasper. I want you.
I want you back.
Oh, cut it out. I don't care what you want.
We've been doing what you want for months.
That is complete bullshit.
I didn't start that stupid building project. - So now it's my fault?
All you think about is you. You wanted this project, you wanted to quit work.
I didn't want that stupid kitchen.
So you didn't want that kitchen. Let me tell you...
Why did they cut Daddy out of that picture?
Why do you think?
Smile.
Next.
I want to be the monkey. - Me too.
Mom. - Yes?
Can I go home now? - By all means, hon.
Smile.
Are you done?
Right, boys. Let's go check out the dancing.
Look, a mouse.
Of course. Vitamin supplements.
Dad, something's wrong with Bing.
Hello? - Where are you?
What? - Bing ate rat poison.
We're at the hospital.
They've pumped his stomach.
You can make that.
No, stop.
You can come through now. - You wait here.
Can he come home with us? - We need to wait for the test results.
But I can have them put an extra bed in his room?
If you would.
May I? Excuse me.
Where were you?
I've really had it with you.
I'm 14, Mom. Not you.
All parents I know just get divorced.
But of course my parents have to come up with something ridiculous like this.
Hi, Sas. How are you doing?
I just thought I'd carry on. I'm almost done.
Alright.
Ooh, sexy.
So this is where we're going to cook now?
Look at that floor. He's done a good job, that husband of yours.
Yeah, it has turned out well, hasn't it?
Who sleeps there?
Is this what I think it is?
Are you getting a divorce? - Of course not.
We just need some time apart.
Because of that Jim guy. - Who's Jim?
Are you alright? - Yes, I'm fine.
Really? - Yes.
So, what's in the diary?
Are you never going to sleep here with us again?
How's Daddy? - Fine.
What do you think of the new lamp we made?
You're very old, right?
That's because you smoke.
First you got fat and then you got wrinkled.
That's right, grab a bite.
There are some on my back as well.
Here, take it. It's free.
Hey, Soof.
I'm out of here.
You're having dinner with Mommy.
Can I trust that you'll do your homework when I'm gone?
Dad? Don't you think you should start working out?
What do you mean?
How long has it been since you last exercised?
Thirty years?
Kasper said you're having a hard time, with the house, your relationship...
Is something wrong with him? - No, don't worry.
He's going to redo my kitchen. - Kasper?
As a contractor. With a guy called Zlaveck.
I admire his courage to have a career change.
For people like you, exercise can be beneficial...
except that alcohol and exercise don't go well together.
As you well know.
Wow.
It's your favorite. Pasta alla vongole.
To celebrate. The doctor told me.
Oh, that. Exciting, isn't it?
Nice lamp you made. - Yeah?
Do you like it? - Yes. And I also think it's sweet.
And that floor... It wasn't my first choice, as you know.
But it is rather sexy.
Sexy?
Alright.
How did we ever let things go this far?
You had an affair. Didn't that have something to do with it?
But maybe I have some blame in that as well.
Yes, you do.
I'm sorry, but you haven't made much of an effort lately.
I built you a kitchen. - Wait. You don't understand.
Sometimes you have to do something...
to make the other person feel they still matter.
Like going parachute jumping. - It doesn't have to be that big.
Take those sweats. - What about them?
Well... They're not really...
Sexy.
Soof, I'm a bit pressed for time. - Right. I've got to run too.
Okay.
Hi, Mom.
Hi, Sas. This is for you. Can you give it to your dad?
What is it? - An invitation. I'd love you to come.
From Mommy.
KookSoof grand opening 5 September
When are you coming over to sleep at our house?
I don't know...
Daddy won't let us watch TV for more than half an hour.
And he makes us eat pancakes using a knife and fork.
Hey, it's not that bad.
Really? So like this?
The gluteus maximus runs from your pelvis to your hamstrings.
Here, you mean? From here to there?
Soof. Soof, stop that.
This is not happening. - Soof.
Everything alright?
That remains to be seen. - Too right.
Anything else we can do?
Excuse me. Can we talk? - O, dear. Is there a problem?
Parking. Have you thought about it? - Not really.
Well, we have. Harm Jan, the parking protocol.
Well, I don't know...
No need to worry. We'll take care of KookSoof's valet parking.
Bye, Thomson and Thompson. - See you tonight.
Hi.
I came to wish you luck tonight.
That's sweet, Sas. Thank you.
I've decided not to feel embarrassed by you anymore.
Oh, that's nice.
And I miss you. - I miss you too.
Aren't you supposed to give me a hug now?
Will you be there tonight? - Yes.
And your dad?
Some cilantro? - No, that's for the shrimps.
Are there still things in the oven?
Here's one, Harm Jan.
Yes.
KookSoof's valet parking. Good evening.
Just follow the path down.
KookSoof's valet parking. Keys still in there? Great.
Good evening. It's down there.
Going well.
Hello, Soof. - Hi.
Good evening. Please sit down.
Valet parking. We'll take care of your car. Have fun.
What do I do? There are too many. - Stay calm. You take that one.
I have to... - Wait. Shut up.
Whose is this?
That belongs to this one. I just told you. Or was it this one?
No, this one. - It's not working.
You take care of that bus.
Let me. You there. Yes, you, sir.
You're very much in the way.
We're having a party. And you are blocking the road.
What can I do?
Hi, my sweethearts.
My honeybuns.
So glad you're here.
Is Daddy coming too? - I don't know.
Me neither. - Come on.
Alright. I'll see you later.
I've really messed up, Mom. - No, you haven't.
Happiness is within your reach.
I lost it.
There's a silver lining on the horizon. You just have to look for it.
Mom, you're babbling. - Yes. Maybe you're right.
I'm just a silly yoga nut.
And you don't want me in your kitchen.
The boys told me all about it.
Rather fun, really. That telephone cat.
And you still came to my party.
Of course, honey.
You're my daughter.
And I love you.
Why don't you go back in now? Go on.
It'll be fun.
Sure.
Chances are that Kasper and I will be doing it for the 1446th time.
Genetically that is of course still pointless. But who cares?
As long as we can look each other in the eye.
Even when, at times, we're not so happy.