So, just so you know, I get high a lot.
Like a lot a lot.
Any three things can be a triangle.
Any three things. You, me, the car.
Any three things without exception.
♪ I send a message at 3:00 a.m. ♪
♪ It's old news to you ♪
♪ That I've been drinking again ♪
♪ In love with you replacin' my old friends ♪
♪ So if you've got the time, this is how my story begins ♪
♪ They told me I was born to lose ♪
♪ I got a winner's heart ♪
♪ But a failure's shoes ♪
♪ There's not much that I can do ♪
♪ But if I had the chance, I'd try to marry you ♪
♪ Thanks for wasting time ♪
♪ With me again ♪
♪ Well, thanks for wasting time ♪
♪ On me ♪
♪ Your friends think they're better than me ♪
♪ And if I thought real hard, I'd have to agree ♪
♪ I smoke cigarettes and too much weed ♪
♪ And I cuss a lot when I drink whiskey ♪
♪ I wanna give you what you need ♪
♪ I got a lot of flowers and no money ♪
♪ There's not much that I can be ♪
♪ But I swear to God I got devil in me ♪
♪ Thanks for wasting time ♪
♪ With me again ♪
♪ Well, thanks for wasting time on me ♪
♪ Thanks for wasting time ♪
♪ With me again ♪
♪ Well, thanks for wasting time on me ♪
Any three things in the world can be a triangle.
Okay. What's you, me and this joint? How is that a triangle?
Because we're getting high,
and it's bringing us closer together.
Okay. I like that.
I feel like moving.
Why are you going away from me?
Are you a backseat virgin? Maybe.
Oh, my God, you're totally a backseat virgin.
I'm not. Yeah, you are.
I got my shoelace caught on my e-break.
Whoo!
Cheers. Cheers.
Abundant smokehouses there tonight, of the people who were there.
Why don't you call girls girls? Smokehouses?
Just call them girls. It's this kind of insensitivity
that will prevent you from ever getting premium trim.
God! Ew. What?
Oh, my God!
I'm sorry. But you're like my brothers.
What does that mean?
Yeah. Why did you say "trim"? "Trim"? "Premium trim"?
Okay, let's just clear the air, okay?
I like a girl's sniz. "Sniz"?
I love having a mouthful of smacker.
What's smacker?
The southern muscle.
What? The muscle.
Southern muscle? Ugh!
Below the equator lives a muscle, and...
Oh, my God. Put your hand down, please.
You talk like a car salesman when you talk about girls.
I wanna talk to you. I am getting bumped up the ladder at CCR.
All right! Oh, that's great.
I am not gonna be able to attend rehearsals
with the same amount of frequency that we have...
I can't go to as many... I can't go to as many rehearsals.
Okay. I can go to no rehearsals.
And similarly, we're gonna have to scale back shows on my end.
I cannot go to any shows.
So I'm going on a hiatus for a while.
So you're quitting the band?
No, I'm not quitting the band, but I am taking, again,
a hiatus that will last indefinitely and probably permanent.
Actually, uh, um...
Uh...
Sheila and I got... We're gonna headline the Roxy next Saturday night.
That's awesome. Oh, my God!
Everybody was saying their good news. I wanted to say our good news.
I didn't wanna tell you, 'cause I didn't want you to freak out.
We're doing better than Tor Eagle.
Right now. I am learning many instruments.
That's why you got that fife. Mm-hmm.
I don't think that we...
I don't have time for Tor Eagle anymore.
Are you quitting the band too? I'm not quitting.
I just need to maybe take a break,
'cause we're doing better.
Define "better."
We're getting paid to do shows.
It's like Michael Jackson was good in the beginning, but then he sucked.
Now he sucks 'cause he's fucking dead just like we're fucking dead.
You guys are the doctor who killed Michael Jackson.
You guys are killing Tor Eagle. He was doing the best he could.
That's so mean. You're on the doctor's side.
You would be on the doctor's side. I am on the doctor's side.
Fucking shit. Malpractice suits are rampant.
I'm saying this is not a bad thing.
This is out of the ashes the phoenix will rise.
I wanna be in a band. I've wanted to be in a band forever,
and now, all of a fucking sudden, I'm not in a band.
And my best fucking friends don't even give me any warning.
You give Starbucks two weeks, assholes.
Oh, that... No, that's an old wives' tale.
You don't. It's just one week.
I worked there.
Well, I got two minutes.
So I guess tonight was our last gig.
Thanks for letting me know.
Ah...
Shit.
Shut... Shut up.
Jimmy!
Let's go! Get down here!
Jimmy! Here you go.
Listen, I want you going to school today, okay?
I don't want you running around the neighborhood doing whatever it is you do.
- Hey! You understand that? - Yes or no? What?
Yes.
Look, I get it, okay? I get it.
Mom's not here anymore, and it sucks.
But I'm dealing with it.
And you need to start dealing with it, too, all right?
And go to school today. Jesus Christ!
What's up, dude? Hey.
I'm gonna sit down.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm working in my office.
Baby-cakes, I'm leaving. Oh.
Bye. Bye.
Mmm!
I made you lunch. You did?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Monica, this is Jimmy. Ohh!
Hello. Hi.
He's a neighborhood kid I'm helping out.
Kind of mentoring him or, like, whatever.
Oh. That's nice.
Jimmy, do you want a cookie? Uh, yeah. Okay.
Hey. Yo, yo. Fitz man. Hey, dude.
You're early.
You've met Uncle Creepy, right?
He's my buddy. I don't think I have, no.
He's like a buddy from old days.
It's Bob, okay?
Very nice to meet you. Not Creepy.
All right. Awesome.
The rock opera is based on the triangle theory.
It's like a triangle theory. Like all things in the universe
are, like... they come in threes,
so they're connected in groups of three.
So, like, you and me would be, like, you, me and weed.
I... No...
It's like Jimmy and me, I guess.
It's like me and Jimmy and the garage.
Right. Everything's a triangle.
Totally. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You get it. Yeah.
You get it. Okay.
Boom, kaboom. Cool.
Dude, thank you. Great. Yeah.
You wanna play some PS3 or something?
- Let me tell you a story. - Okay.
I was in Miami covering Haiti.
Did you then go to Haiti?
No. But turns out
there was a real story in Miami
about transportation to Haiti. Oh, okay.
And Wolf Blitzer came through the airport.
He did? Yeah.
And I was like, "Hey, Wolf." He's like, "Barry."
Were you starstruck? Well, I mean, we go back.
You do? Yeah.
You're friends? Well...
You used to be friends? Yeah.
Wow! I mean, we have...
We have... I had no... That's awesome!
We're brothers in news.
So you used to, like, hang out or what?
How does that work? Yeah.
I mean, you know...
He'll...
He'll watch a segment of mine,
and then, like, I'll see him on the news that night,
and I'll just sort of be, like, I can see it...
that he, like, was inspired by my piece.
Anyway, he said to me,
"Barry, the news game...
it's a marathon, not a sprint."
And then he just went right through airport security, straight to Haiti.
I want you to think about two things. Okay.
Number one... Yeah.
What's my future look like...
Yeah.
With a rock opera guy?
Number two...
What's my future look like in the news game?
And how to they interrelate?
Dear Glen,
life is dyn-o-mite.
Let's be friends again.
Hang soon?
Love, Dad. Uh, Arnie.
PS, thinking about getting e-mail.
Worth it?
Nope.
Are you willing to do anything for this?
I'll do anything. Literally?
Well, yeah. I mean...
I will... Crazy.
Well, I will train and run the marathon.
Will you murder Richard? No.
What do we got, Richard? How we doing?
This common coffeemaker could turn itself on and start a house fire.
Kitchen sponge teeming with E.coli bacteria.
It's good. It's scarier.
Yeah, it's a lot scarier. Yeah.
Ls your kitchen killing you?
Um, by the way,
a bunch of us are going out to Banana Joe's for cocktails.
Oh, really? Tonight? Yeah.
You should come.
Normally, I would totally be there slurping away.
But Fitz is not over his band breaking up,
and I have to be his support system right now.
You know, networking is a big part of network news.
Right.
Oh, no, thank you.
I'm writing about this lady who has a cookie jar museum in her garage.
I wanna go to that. I know.
It's cool, right? It's really cool.
You look really cute. You look cute in this hat. Yeah?
Mm-hmm. I feel like a sailor.
You look like you're in the Perfect Storm.
Hey, it's late.
Okay, I'll tell you what. I'm gonna set the alarm.
I'm gonna take a melatonin, you're gonna brush your teeth,
and then we'll meet in the bedroom.
Does that sound good? Okay.
Okay. I'm gonna be a dining room virgin forever.
What's up, dude?
Yeah, I have Kermit.
Uh, usually I don't,
uh, deal in that much Kermit the Frog.
Did you read newest draft of my thing?
It's a very incoherent and very bad rock opera.
I'm gonna just tell it to you straight, because that's what they teach me here.
Your rock opera is really terrible.
It's a really terrible piece of work.
It's not terrible. Look at me. It's really terrible.
You didn't like the new character? No, I didn't.
The traitor? The traitor, who is based obviously on me.
Oh, get over yourself. It's totally based on Snapes.
Snape? Yeah.
From Harry Potter? Yes.
I'm not a narcissist. A faggy praying mantis
with a Bluetooth walks onto the stage.
Yeah. And he used to be down. Now he's not down.
Okay, you go take it to fucking
the Dumbledore in your life, if I'm Snape, okay?
You don't come to the person you're ridiculing to finance that project.
Look, I'll tell you something. Everybody comes to me with favors.
Everybody wants favors. Everyone wants me to grease wheels for them.
What about when I was in Tor Eagle?
You guys would stonewall me. You wanted my brains, you wanted me to book the gigs,
you wanted me to use my fucking Quicken program to balance our checkbook,
but when it came time for you to pony up
on a song that I wrote, oh, no.
You're stuff sounded like reggaeton, dude.
That's my culture.
That is not your culture. That's my culture.
Your parents are from Connecticut. But my nanny is from Haiti.
I'm sorry. I didn't know that you felt like that.
Yeah. So I apologize.
Apology accepted, "mon."
God, look at her. I need the strongest stuff you have.
Give me the Jamaican Dank or whatever the fuck,
because she's gonna need a lot of coaxing.
You know what I mean? Good Lord.
Yeah.
What do I owe you?
Nothing. I'm not a drug dealer.
You are a drug dealer. I'm not a drug dealer.
You have a backpack full of weed, right?
I like weed. And sometimes my friends need me to hook them up.
You got a three-day beard, right? Yeah.
Sort of directionless in your life? Sort of.
Pissed off at your dad? Yeah.
You're a drug dealer. No. I'm an artist.
Triangles, dude, everywhere.
Lakers, D-Fish, Kobe, Pau.
Phil Knight is a big supporter of my triangle theory.
It's Phil Jackson, first of all, and second... Phil Knight.
Who's Phil Knight? Nike guy. He started Nike.
I'm thinking of Phil Jackson.
Okay, now we're just getting way off topic.
Nike's swoosh is based on a triangle. Did you know that?
It's, like, a check. It's based off a check.
It's got a point on the back. Not everything's triangles, dude.
You don't believe in the triangle theory...
Because it doesn't make sense. It does make sense.
Okay. All right. Are you listening?
Yeah. I got a triangle for you.
It's you, a piece of dog shit and another piece of dog shit.
That's not... That doesn't work?
No, 'cause me and the dog shit don't have... There's three segments.
Fitz, why weren't you here for the couch delivery? Ohh!
I don't understand. Tommy and Richie both have real jobs.
They have shitty jobs. Tommy's job is bullshit.
What about the five-year plan?
What five-year plan? Our five-year plan.
I don't have a five-year plan. I've never had an any plan.
Just gonna buy some stuff.
What's up?
Sorry I'm late. My girlfriend was yelling at me.
Terrible, dude. Happens all the time.
Sorry to hear that, bro. She used to be so cool.
Yeah. I guess that's why my policy is bros only.
Makes sense. You're lucky.
So, uh, you got it? Yeah.
Hey, do you think that your nephew
would like this for his quinceañera, Ramón?
Shut up. Don't say my name, dude.
Sorry. Sorry.
She used to be, like, so fucking cool when we met.
She'd, like, come to my shows, and, like, she'd sell merch and stuff.
Yeah. Now she's got this, like, fucking news job.
That sucks, dude. Listen, I gotta go.
I'm running late for Bonnaroo, okay?
Do you have it or don't you? Yes, I have it.
All right. I have the money. Let's go.
I'm in a rush, too. I have stuff to do as well.
Hey, we all got something to do, right?
I know. It's busy. I'm really busy right now.
I'm working on my rock opera. It's all here.
What are you doing? There's a fucking camera right there.
Maybe I should stop doing this.
Come on, man. You got it or you don't? I gotta go.
We should figure out something to do together.
Yeah, that'd be great. I really gotta go.
Okay. I don't like selling this much. All right?
Later, bro. Have fun.
Yeah.
Good one.
This is gonna be a great day.
Hang on a second. Police officer.
Mind if we ask you a couple questions here today?
Take your hands off. No, dude.
Oh, what's this? That's not mine, man.
Oh. That's not mine.
That's the real shit.
No, no, no, dude.
Both hands on the car. Spread your legs.
You guys are under arrest. Spread your fucking legs.
Hey, why don't you profile that guy?
Officer, right? Go check...
Yeah. Go check him out. Hey, you, in the stripes!
- Hey! Police! - It's not Arizona, man.
Come here!
Fuck it.
Ow! Hey, come on, man!
He's clean. I got him.
Okay. We're all good.
All right. Come on. Let's go. This is bullshit.
All right. Unlock the door.
I can't. It's locked. What the hell are you doing home?
Why aren't you at school?
They let us out early. Really?
They let you out early, huh? Like the morning. Y'all came for one hour?
I just got a call from your principal there, smart guy.
You know what he said?
That I'm a smart guy?
Hey. Hey.
Grab my weed. Grab all my weed.
Fitz... Grab all my weed! Grab all my weed!
Fitz, you're sweating! Oh, my God! All my weed.
I know. I've been running. I sold Ramón
kind of a lot of weed,
and he just got arrested by the cops.
And he's not a great guy, so...
Fitz, what are you talking about? Where is it?
Everywhere.
Look everywhere. Everywhere?
I think I might have to go to Oakland
for a while.
What are you talking about? Oakland?
Yeah. I have some friends that live there. For what?
Just to hide. Hey, those are my sausage links.
No, this is hash.
You know what, Jimmy? This is it. All right?
You're going to military school. There it is.
Awesome. Thanks, Dad. Finally. There it is. Done.
That's your solution for everything. We talked about it.
You're bringing this on yourself.
I'm not the one who couldn't play baseball. It's all my fault.
I'm not the one who's out there failing his classes
and skipping school.
You're going to military school, and that's it.
Is this whole house made of weed?
Fucking Ramón! What are you doing?
I'm clearing away my stuff. Hold this.
Help me! Shit!
Stop! Jesus!
How did I not see that before?
I don't know. It's the fucking cops.
No, it's the couch guy. Well, get rid of him!
We're gonna figure this out. It's gonna be okay.
Okay. Fine.
Get the couch guy. I'll meet you down there.
Okay. All right. Thank you.
I love you.
What are you doing? What are you doing?
Why is the garage door closed?
I can't hang out today, man. What's going on?
This creepy guy was following me. Oh, yeah?
Yeah. I gotta go see my friend in Oakland.
You're going to Oakland? Yeah.
Can I come? No, man. Take off.
Take me to Oakland! My mom lives in Oakland. Please?
No. Jimmy, get the fuck outta here. Hey, hey, hey.
This is the guy! He's the molester!
Whoa, whoa, back up.
Get the fuck out!
You calm down. And you back off!
This is my driveway. Get the fuck outta here.
I'm gonna knock the shit outta you! You're not gonna do shit!
Shut the fuck up, all right? Okay.
Are you calm? Yeah.
I want you calm. I'm calm!
I'm gonna let you go. You understand?
I don't want any trouble. Okay.
Where do you think you're going, huh?
Hey...
Oh! Oh, God.
Dude, I just knocked that fucking guy out!
That's my dad. What?
He is a fucking creep. He beats the shit out of me. He's been on a bender lately.
You gotta take me with you. Fuck, no, dude!
Get outta here! Take me to Oakland. My mom lives in Oakland.
I gotta go to Oakland. He's waking up!
No, you're not getting in the car! Why?
No way! Please! Please!
Go! Come on! What is that?
Would you just... The honking!
No! No! Fuck you! What? What?
What are you doing? Why did you do that? No. No. No. No.
Why would you do that? You need to get your game face on, all right?
You need to not tell me what to do!
I can tell you what I want to if you have a joint in your mouth.
You're gonna be sober for this entire trip.
I'm always high! I know.
I'm pretty much freaked out. I don't do well not high.
Whatever. I don't want you driving me while you're stoned.
Sorry. I don't want you under the influence. You need to get your damn game face on.
I have my game face on. No, you don't.
You had a joint in your mouth. That's not what a game face consists of.
This is my game face. My game face looks different than people's.
Our step one should be switching cars.
We gotta get another vehicle, because we're in, like, a hot ride right now.
It's like Running Away 101.
They're gonna be chasing us down in your car.
Simple vice aid.
I'm not basing my escape from the police
on some fucking video game. It's a stupid idea.
How is it a stupid idea? It makes perfect sense.
We can't be riding around in the car that we left in.
You know what we should do?
Rich and Sheila are playing a show in Bakersfield.
We should go switch cars with them.
That way they can't track us.
Way to go, Fitz! You're the best!
We're just gonna run through some self-defense techniques.
We're gonna go over knife attacks.
I want you to thrust at me.
One... block. Okay?
My hips are out of the line of danger.
Two... slide up to the elbow.
Three... twist. Okay. Let's try that again.
One, two, three. One... block.
Two... slide. Three... twist.
Adios, Anthony. Okay? See how that goes?
Slide. Three... twist. See you later, Steven.
Okay. And we're done, okay?
Hey. Want to do it in full sweep?
Why don't you answer your phone?
I got no pockets. I don't have my phone. What's wrong?
Run some drills.
Cardio. Some interval training.
What happened to your head?
Yeah. I'll tell you what happened to my head.
I went down to get Jimmy... The kid has so much potential.
You don't have to tell me! I know, man!
He's going off the rails! Smart kid and...
I went to get him, and I'm running his ass home,
because I'm sending him to fucking military school!
What's gotta be done is gotta be done.
But then I get out in the alley, and this fucking drugger...
some drug-head comes at me sideways.
Didn't see it. Sucker punches me
with a fucking brick in the head!
Oh, goddamn. I went down like a sack of rocks.
I'm fucking embarrassed. But as I came to,
I looked, and Jimmy is in the fucking car with this guy...
What? ...and they're taking off.
So Jimmy's been kidnapped? Well, I don't know that.
Definitely been kidnapped. That's what I'm worried about.
Maybe he was. He's abducted. Okay.
Do you have some detective friends I can talk to?
I do, but I could help you, Jim.
I graduated the academy. I can help you. I don't know...
I have interrogation techniques, forensics.
I can do this. You run the gym.
I need a detective. Yeah. Yeah.
Come on. Let's do this.
You have anything? Any leads? Anything?
Yeah. I got the license plate.
You got the license plate? Yeah.
We're way ahead of the game. Let me sign out of Facebook.
Also, I got a description of the guy, too.
See? Already. You see it's going?
Why is it so slow?
It's DSL. It does what we need it to do in the gym.
Rich is, like, really cool.
I mean that in a totally not-gay way.
It didn't even sound gay. You said he was a cool guy.
If you don't think that sounded gay, then this will sound gay.
If I had to fuck one guy, it would definitely be Rich.
That was really gay. If I did, I...
Okay. So, in not a gay way.
You didn't have to say that just because I said the other thing wasn't gay.
I was gonna say it anyway.
You just had to top your gayness for no reason.
I did not. That's what you did.
You ever heard my EP?
No. Finally. It's awesome.
I made this when I was 19. First song is about my mom.
♪ I heard you sayin' I don't like romance ♪
♪ Well, I love, well, I love ♪
It's not bad.
♪ And I'm up on love ♪
♪ I'm up on love ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
I gotta get on the DMV Web site.
Uh...
DSL. We're almost there.
Okay. When did this happen?
About 45 minutes ago.
45. Bup, bup, bup... Two hours and 15 minutes.
Okay. It's great that you came here immediately.
The first three hours of any abduction is what they call the kill zone.
A very dangerous time. What?
It's a crucial time. So we gotta find this person in this time...
I've never heard of any kill zone.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Well, it's the kill zone. This is where people are stabbed, shot, murdered.
This is when the perpetrator usually panics
and goes off his rocker... All right. Shut up.
Don't talk about the kill zone anymore.
That fucking bugs me. I don't know what happened to him.
It's also 90% of the sexual crimes happen...
Shut the fuck up, Fogerty! I'm just trying to be honest.
That's my son! Well, he's a good-looking kid.
Are you out of your fucking mind?
Are you out of your fucking mind? I'm not.
I don't mean to get your feathers all riled up.
Well, you did, asshole! I didn't mean to do that.
He's not getting raped, and he's not getting killed!
We don't know what's happening to him right now.
We don't know, so quit saying it!
That's why it's crucial that we find out.
What do you mean, he's a good-looking kid? What are you talking about?
We got one more guy that's gotta crash this party.
A guy by the name of Boston Johnny.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I didn't think you were allowed to carry that.
Not through the department. But I do have this registered.
It's not the department. It's a legal entity. It doesn't matter.
It's legal. I got a permit. Take this. I don't have any pockets.
Okay. Great. I don't wanna see that, by the way.
You won't see it unless you have to see it,
unless he makes me show him this.
Rico, I'm back in 20 minutes. Gotta run an errand.
Whoa.
Are you okay? No.
Come on. Come on. Come here.
Jeff, Maryanne, can you guys give us a second?
Thank you.
I'm embarrassed. Why?
It's just emotions coming out.
It's okay. Yeah.
Talk to Barry.
Well, it's Fitz.
He's been dealing weed... Okay.
And it was all over our house.
And I don't know where he is right now.
Where is he? And I'm freaked out.
He left. He won't answer any of my phone calls.
You should call him
And I don't know what to do. I'm pregnant.
With his baby? Yeah.
Whoa. Wow.
I'm so fucked. I'm so fucked, Barry.
I don't... I fucked this up so bad.
I have no idea what to do. There, there.
I just feel like such a fucking idiot. Just...
I fucked everything up.
Y-You didn't do anything.
I mean, do I even want this?
Do I even want a fucking baby?
I don't know. I...
Oh...
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
Ew! Barry!
I... What...
Barry!
What the fuck? Wah!
What the crap? Aw, man.
What am I supposed to do? Should I quit?
No. Why would you quit? You're great at your job.
Oh! You're married!
Things are really bad at home with my wife.
Ew! I don't need to hear that.
I don't. You should fucking... I thought...
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
I thought you were hitting on me.
I'm gonna take a sick day.
Leave, relax. Totally come back.
Ew, ew, ew.
Aah! Aah! Ew! Ew!
It's funny. Weird. What...
It's ridiculous.
All the classic bands like Zeppelin, The Who...
I mean, how do you explain that?
Those are trios. No, they're not.
Front man and guitar count as one.
Your triangle totally ruined the Godfather series,
because that was fine until it added your third vertices.
Yeah. Of course, there's bad triangles.
75% of the Earth is covered in water.
They still call it Earth. Hey, what's up?
You got an extra smoke, man?
I buy them at the store. They come in packs of 20.
You should probably do the same thing. Okay.
Uh, my friends are in there. I'm just gonna run in and get them.
Yeah, it's closed. There's a rehearsal going on.
Yeah, but the people rehearsing are, like, my buds.
Yeah, I got a lot of friends, too.
Okay.
What, are you doing a chaperone deal? What's up?
No, this is my buddy. We're friends from college.
College? Yeah.
Old college buds. College of children?
No. Children...
I lost my wallet. I don't have my I D.
Yeah, no I D, no go in.
I recognize you. I've played here before.
I was in a band called Tor Eagle.
What does that even mean?
The name of the band is Tor Eagle.
It's, like, the first two letters of everybody's name.
T-O... Tommy. R-I... Richie.
G-L... Glen. That's my name.
Did you guys vote on that?
We made it up when we were 16.
♪ ♪ Sounds about right.
If you're not gonna let me in, can you go get them?
Yeah.
Just yell out "Tor Eagle"?
I don't know. His name's Rich. Okay.
Her name's Sheila. Don't move.
You want a bicycle to hang around on or something?
All right. I get it. I'm a kid. Yeah, you're a kid.
I'm not gonna go anywhere. Clear out!
He's a fucking asshole. I know.
You wanna take a break? What's up?
Hi.
You guys look cool.
Thank you. Oh, yeah.
We're in a White Stripes cover band.
Awesome.
We're called 8th Nation Army. Get it?
'Cause of the song. Yeah. Yeah.
Can I talk to you? Sure.
Oh, this is Sheila. Rich, Jimmy.
Hi. Is that a kid or something?
This is the gig that Tommy got you guys?
Yes. And it pays way better than you think it does.
You're in a tribute band? Yes.
And it's actually really fun. Sheila's good.
Are you feeling a little sad?
I know we just met, but I sort of have a sense about these things.
Some of my friends consider me kind of a healer.
Uh-huh. I'm not certified,
but I usually am pretty spot-on about them.
Um...
Uh, I guess.
You are sad.
Yeah, I can feel it. Sure.
What do you want?
I need to borrow your van for a few days.
No. I can't let you use my van, man.
It's only a couple days. I wouldn't ask you if I didn't need it.
I didn't know I was giving off a sad vibe.
You're confused. Okay.
Things are changing in your body.
People find that confusing. Yeah.
I remember being scared to death when that happened to me.
You look at yourself in the mirror,
and you don't necessarily recognize
who's looking back at you.
Facial hair. You know what else.
Can I offer you some advice?
So I'm taking him to Oakland to hang out with his mom,
and I'm gonna chill with Arnie for a little bit.
Your dad Arnie? Yeah.
You're gonna go hang out with your dad?
I mean, if that's any indication about how desperate I am...
Jesus.
Just don't mess up my car. Okay. I won't.
You don't have any smokes, do you?
No. I've got nicotine gum in the car,
but it tastes like shit.
You have any weed? No. I quit.
I'm just kidding.
Jesus, I was about to disown you.
I don't have it here with me. It's at the hotel.
That sucks. Yeah.
Wanna come to Oakland?
I can't, man.
Trust me, if you eat these things,
you'll grow six inches in six months.
Really?
Nuts. Nuts.
Yeah. Really good for you.
Buzz Aldrin... when he landed on the moon, you know what he had in his pocket?
A picture of his family and nuts.
A picture of his family and nuts. Mm-hmm.
Speaking of hydration, that's the ticket.
Coconut water. That's right.
It hydrates you 75 times faster than normal water.
Really? Mm-hmm. It says right there.
What does that even mean? It means if you drink that,
it's like drinking eight bottles of water.
Just in this? Yeah.
Why is it called Coconut? It's from a coconut.
Good luck, man. Thanks.
Say hi to your dad. I know, right?
Maybe you can play some milky-milky cakey-cake.
That shit's so weird.
I know. I can't believe it.
Okay, listen. Just follow my lead.
The most important thing is to have a calm demeanor.
You wanna establish some trust with the, uh...
with the, uh, witness here.
Hey, just don't fuck this up, all right?
Okay.
You don't have to knock that hard.
Hi. My name's Peter Fogerty.
I'm with the sheriff's department.
This is my partner Deputy Malone.
We're here investigating a missing person's report.
We've traced some license plates to this residence.
It's the LKA of a Glen Fitzgerald.
Oh, yeah. I know Glen. What's LKA?
Last known address. How do you know Glen?
Glen's my boyfriend. Terrific.
All right. We're on our way.
Where is Glen now?
Oh, I couldn't tell you that. I have no idea.
Really? Well, it's very important that we find him, because...
Look, really, you don't know where your boyfriend is?
Really?
That's what we're figuring out now. Come on.
Are there places of business that he frequents often
that maybe we might be able to find him?
No. Maybe he's shopping...
I find that very suspicious that you wouldn't know where your boyfriend goes.
I'm wondering if we can just step inside real quick and take a look around.
No. I'm sorry. I have to go to work.
Well, there may be an I PP going on as we speak.
What's an... It doesn't matter what it means.
No. I'm sorry. If you give me a business card, I can call you.
Sure. I'd be happy for you to take a look at my business card.
Hold on a second. If we have to come back, we're coming back with a warrant.
And we'll see everything!
Including the drugs and the pornography! Hey, calm down.
Did you notice there was a gun in there? Yeah.
I'm pretty sure John Wayne Gacy had a gun.
He's gone, and he's out of our lives, right?
And that's for the best, trust me.
I feel like I disappointed you.
You disappointed us? Of course not.
Fitz?
You don't have anything to say to him.
Hang up. Who cares where he is.
Tell him you're done, good-bye.
Hang up the phone. Just give him the phone.
Give me the phone. I'd like to have a word with him.
Tell him that he's a piece of shit!
Why should I call you? You're the one that left.
Well, I'm kind of busy running from the cops.
I'm on the lam. You're on the lam?
What does that mean, you're on the lam?
It means I'm running from the cops.
Jimmy's dad and some fucking maniac named Fogerty came over today.
They say you're a pervert.
I'm not a pervert. He's the pervert.
What's going on? I'm alone here.
Where are you?
I'm, like, halfway to Oakland.
Come home! I don't understand. You tell him he's human garbage.
He belongs in a garbage pail. And he can take that to the bank.
He doesn't do a goddamn thing. Stop!
Get the fuck in the house!
All right.
Fitz, I don't know what's going on.
I'm really freaked out. I don't know where you are.
I fucking made out with Barry.
You made out with Barry? Yeah. I mean, yeah.
I'm gone for six hours, and you make out with your fucking boss?
Fuck.
4-1 -1. The Berlin.
It's a nightclub.
What happened?
My girlfriend made out with some dick named Barry,
who just so happens to be her fucking boss and really rich!
So the next hour, we just sit here and not talk!
They're probably gonna catch us if we don't...
Good note.
That sucks about your girlfriend.
Yeah, it sucks. Life sucks.
Bingo bango! We got a text from Rico.
Interesting.
Looks like our plates popped up in Bakersfield.
All right! All right. Let's hit the highway.
Let's get there quick.
Bakersfield just got... It was in the headlines.
They just had a porn sting in Bakersfield.
Everything you say upsets me.
You guys... You have good health insurance, right?
Why would you ask that?
I know the circumstances could be better,
but it's kind of great that we can spend
some time together finally, you know?
Are you fucking kidding me?
No, I'm not. How many times do we say we wanna go out
and take a road trip or go out and just get to know each other?
It's been a while.
You think maybe we can hit the PCH highway on the way back?
Beautiful drive.
Don't worry about the PCH fucking highway.
Worry about Jimmy!
I'm getting better at this now.
Maybe I can play something besides just quarter notes.
I mean, if you wanna try something new,
we could, you know, work on it.
Do you think we should send Tommy something?
Like a basket?
Yeah, that's a good idea.
Maybe just get him...
Whoa. Out of the car.
Piece of shit! No! I don't know you!
Get outta the car! What the fuck?
You fuck... Get out of there.
Come here. Jesus Christ!
Is that him? No, that's not him.
Jesus. Peter Fogerty, sheriff's department.
This is my partner Deputy Malone. You guys are cops?
That's right. We're cops. I didn't do shit!
We wanna know if you know a Glen Fitzgerald?
Hands! Hands!
10:00 and 2:00, missy! Up! What?
Hey, she's cool. I'll put them 10:00 and 2:00.
The clock. Like the clock. Good.
- Do you know a Glen Fitzgerald? - Glen Fitzgerald...
You know, it's not a brainteaser.
Yes-or-no question. Do you know the man or not?
Yes, I know him. Yes. All right.
Now, where is Glen Fitzgerald?
I don't know. I haven't seen him. Come on.
You're in his car, the same one he was in this morning, you asshole.
Now, where is he? Yeah. I don't know, man.
He's got my kid, you douche bag! Speak words.
Hey! Oh, my God!
Kicking my... We switched cars with him!
He's going to Oakland to see Arnie Fitzgerald, his father.
Are you okay? Why are you telling them that?
Because he kicked you in the stomach! He didn't kick me.
He kicked the shitty car.
He can't do anything. He's in sweatpants.
He is in sweatpants. Ma'am...
What? You shut up, and you please keep talking.
And what kind of car was he driving?
Um... Talk!
A yellow car. That was a Duster.
A yellow Duster. A yellow Duster. Good. Great.
Now we're getting somewhere. And the plates?
Samantha.
He has a plate named Samantha? Without the vowels.
Smnth? Okay.
Smnth, yellow Duster, all right?
Hold on. Wait. What the fuck is with the outfits?
Is this some sort of cult? No.
We're in a White Stripes cover band.
Yeah. Oh, yeah. The White Stripes. Sure. The rock duo.
They're brother and sister that were possibly fucking each other.
Some people think they were husband-wife, husband-ex-wife.
But there was definitely some kinky shit going on.
Yeah, they're not... I think it's rock mystique.
Gray area. They got a raw simplicity.
Their composition and arrangements are really raw.
There's two of them. Who gives a shit about this stuff, all right?
Did you see my boy? Yes.
What is it? Did you see him or didn't you? Yes. Yes!
I don't think you understand what you're dealing with.
Oh, my... I don't think you do understand what you're dealing with.
Do you have a gun in your sweatpants? Oh!
Oh, the powers of observation are unbelievable, sir.
I'm just saying, there's no Gary Glitter shit going on.
There better not be any Gary Glitter shit going on.
Oh. Oh. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's Gary Glitter shit?
Gary Glitter was a glam rocker in the '70s
that got convicted of possessing child pornography. Yeah.
Many, many magazines. Many videos.
He ended up going to Vietnam so he can diddle young boys.
Ended up in a Vietnam prison.
Then he got out of there, went to Thailand,
got arrested there.
They put him in jail there.
He got released, and then he was in Cambodia for a while.
Got booted outta that country.
Had to go back to the U K, but they confiscated his computer.
♪ ♪ You know, at the arenas.
That's the fucking guy? That's the guy.
She should have opened a Pavilion,
even in a Town Square, she would do.
Yeah.
Okay, I've got to call you back.
Okay.
I love you, too.
I feel like... I don't want to ask you this,
but can I borrow your car?
I have to go find him. I have to go figure out...
You want to borrow my beamer?
Yeah, if that's okay, just... I just need it for...
to go up and just figure out what's going on and to go see him...
Let's get you a drink.
I think you need a drink.
Okay, thank you.
You want something with maraschino cherries?
Um...
I've been balling this girl who works at Costco.
My dad was always kind of crazy.
You know, like kind of a weird drug guy.
When my mom died,
he just went, like, fucking nuts.
Really?
I feel like baseball is just my dad's thing.
Yeah. You know?
He just, like, tries to force it on me.
Dads suck.
Everybody would be a lot better off
if dads didn't exist.
I could deal with two moms.
Dude, I fucking would love two moms.
Two moms would be a dream.
Sandwiches all the time.
Oh, there's no shortage of sandwiches with my dad.
Really? Yeah. He has this thing...
like, sandwich diplomacy. That's what I called it when I was younger.
We'd get in a huge argument,
and then, like, 30 minutes later, he'd knock on my door
and be like, "Hey, you want a sandwich?"
No, I don't want a fucking sandwich. I think it's cute, actually.
It's not cute. I think it's cute.
I'm pregnant.
You're pregnant?
I just found out. With Fitz's baby?
In there? In your ass?
In your vagina there's a baby?
In my uterus.
Hi, Cole? You know what I was thinking about? Here. Take it.
Get off the phone. I was thinking about malls.
Honestly, we need to use malls,
because that is where people congregate when they wanna buy.
Tommy, I just told you I'm pregnant.
They don't do concerts at the Smithsonian.
What is your fixation with museums?
Tommy, I just told you I'm pregnant. Yeah. Okay.
Can you please... Thank you. You're right. It's done.
Okay. Thank you. Okay.
It's off? You're pregnant. Yes.
Have you considered the A-bomb?
"The A-bomb"? The A-bomb.
"A-bomb"? "The A-bomb"? You know what I'm talking about.
The A-bomb.
Abortion bomb. A-bomb?
I guess I don't have to say "bomb" if I just say "abortion."
I haven't thought about that.
No, Cole, I wasn't talking to you.
I agree with you... what you were describing.
Me?
Yeah. Or Cole?
Tommy, what the fuck? Cole isn't even in the room. Don't hang up.
You can't play in a movie theater.
People are there to see movies. You're getting your media mixed up.
That's where people fly off the rails.
- A-bomb. - Right?
So where the fuck... Where are we?
I don't know.
In, like, the desert. Or we're in California.
I don't see anything.
Fuck, where are we?
Let's think long and hard about this.
Fitz can sire a child, but can he father a child?
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I don't...
You're a career woman, right? Yeah.
You are. There's other options.
Lesbian women who are desperate for a baby
but don't wanna get sperm in them, you know?
I can see ambition in your eyes.
I recognize it, because it lives in here, too.
Right? You're on an ascent.
Do you think J .P. Morgan took breaks
to go to fucking buy a BABY BJRN?
No. 'Cause he was too busy shaping the steel industry.
Okay? You know what? I'm gonna be honest with you.
People told me not to hire you. Can you say good-bye to Cole?
Please say good-bye to Cole. They said...
Don't get off the phone.
Did you just tell him not to get off the phone?
I just hope...
You did... I know you are, but what am I?
You think you're like Jerry Maguire. I am like Jerry Maguire.
You are nothing like Jerry Maguire.
I am just like Jerry Maguire. No, you're not.
Cole, I'll call you back. You're not like Jerry Maguire at all.
Jerry Maguire has heart.
He sticks up for Cuba.
You're Jay Mohr's character.
You're Bob Sugar. Oh, you're out of your fucking mind.
Are you kidding me?
I'm Bob Sugar? Yeah, you are Bob Sugar.
No, I'm not. If anything, I'm Renée Zellweger.
You're Jay Mohr's character. I know who Bob Sugar is.
You don't have to tell me who plays him.
Okay, Monica. I'm gonna do something
that I have not done for anybody before.
Monica, I'm gonna give you the keys to my Beamer.
Thank you, Tommy.
Thank you.
Just do not touch the presets.
I will fucking...
Namaste.
We gotta stop at this diner up ahead... Cadillac Jack's.
No way, dude. Please? Why?
No. We're going straight through.
I used to go there with my parents all the time.
It was my favorite place.
There. Yeah?
Yeah. Okay.
Best fucking turkey sandwiches.
Get them to go. I'll be two seconds.
Hey. Hey.
Do you have a lighter?
Yes, I have a lighter.
Thanks. Mm-hmm.
So, uh, you window shopping, or are you looking to buy?
Oh. No. I'm fine.
Thanks.
You're a faggot?
Excuse me?
Are you a faggot?
No, I'm not a faggot. I actually had a girlfriend, so...
But she broke up with you 'cause you're such a faggot?
No, I broke up with her, because she made out with Barry.
Barry sounds like a faggot. Barry kind of is a faggot.
I have no idea why Monica made out with him.
Monica? Yeah.
Monica sounds like a whore. What... What... What...
You got a whore and a faggot making out. That's funny.
Close your eyes and I'll give you a hand job. Why would I close my eyes?
So you can picture a dude. You're a faggot.
I'm not gay.
Want a blow job?
No, I don't want a blow job. You want a blow job.
Who doesn't want a blow job? Only faggots don't want blow jobs.
I want a blow job. He does not want a blow job.
What is this? She's a hooker.
Really?
I'm not a hooker. You are.
I'm not a hooker.
I'll give you a hand job. A hand job?
Get in the car, Jimmy.
What... I'm talking... He said he wants a hand job.
He doesn't want a hand job. Do you want a hand job?
Yeah. No, he doesn't.
You don't want a hand job. He doesn't want one. Yeah, I do.
I want a hand job. Do you have money?
No, you don't. Yeah, I have money.
Jimmy, get in the van. Van! All right.
You're bossy.
You are a rude hooker.
So thank you very much.
Okay. See you later.
Why are you running around with him?
'Cause we're, like, friends or whatever.
Like butt friends?
No, we're not butt friends.
Next door, room 20.
Room 20. Got it.
Enjoy your fucking chili dog.
It's a turkey sandwich, thank you.
Only faggots eat turkey sandwiches. That's not true at all.
Everybody eats turkey sandwiches. You're right. I'm sorry.
Unless you're a vegetarian. Right. Faggot food.
It's not faggot food. Why is that faggot food?
Fucking rude hooker.
That hooker liked me, man.
She likes everybody. She's a fucking hooker.
She said I was cute.
She says that to everybody, dude. No, she didn't say it to you.
Yeah, she did. Before you came out.
I don't think so.
What the fuck?
What are you doing? Uh... Wha...
Ohh! Fuck!
What time is it? I don't know.
Why the fuck... The clock's broken.
I had a... You made me eat all that turkey,
and the tryptophan made me have nightmares,
you fucking asshole.
Jesus!
I have to go to the bathroom.
We should leave real soon.
All right.
Just hang out. Yeah. I'm gonna stay here.
What the fuck?
I mean, this is a very dangerous-looking place.
Have you seen the color of this place?
Pink activates the violent tendencies
of these perpetrators.
This whole thing is pink.
It's the color thing... it activates... All right, all right.
Speaking of colors, look for a yellow Duster.
Are you even looking? Not here.
I was looking as we came in the driveway. I knew it wasn't here.
But I'm hungry, and this guy might be in here anyway.
You never know.
Hey, man, I'm, uh, sorry about this.
I was going off a hunch, you know?
Hey, hey, hey. That's all you got sometimes.
Some of the greatest cases have been broken on hunches.
The Zodiac Killer.
Did they ever catch the Zodiac Killer?
I can't talk.
Let's just get back on the road.
Let's go. Hey, uh, actually,
I'm gonna take a shit.
Okay.
Hey, uh, sorry to bug you. You gonna be a while or...
Uh, yeah, I'm almost, uh...
I'm almost done... pooping.
♪ ♪ Let's roll!
Aah!
Hey!
♪ I heard you sayin' that I can't dance ♪
Come on, man!
I know! Oh!
Get outta the way!
Stop!
Hey!
Come on! Come on! Shit!
Aw, come on! My new radials!
Come on! This way! Come on! Come on! My radials!
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Aw, shit!
What are you doing? Trying to go for the tires!
It's a fucking gun! I hate you, Jimmy!
You're gonna get me fucking killed!
Are you out of your mind? Jimmy's in there!
I was going for the tires! Just shut up.
That's an '89 Dodge Ram van. 8-S-2...
Midnight black, I would say. Quit saying numbers.
8-S-2-1 -2-4-2. Looks like a winter tread on the Firestone tires.
Just remember 1 -2-4-2, would you? Midnight black.
Fuck, man.
I cut my fucking hand on my knife.
You're totally fucking up my exit strategy.
Yeah, you're a liability to me.
I was gonna sneak out of town, hide out for a little while,
wait till things cooled off, go back and live my life
with my fucking girlfriend!
And now I got two bounty hunters chasing me
'cause I kidnapped a fucking minor!
You're just pissed 'cause Monica made out
with her fucking boss yesterday.
Fuck you, Jimmy. ...and you're taking it out on me.
Watch it, dude. I got it, didn't I?
That's the last fucking straw. You're out of this van.
I'm pulling over on the side of the road. Good.
I'm kicking your ass out. Thanks, Dad.
Don't call me your dad.
Fucking...
You can drive yourself to Oakland.
Fucking stupid brat.
Girlfriend making out with everybody.
Fuck Barry.
Tommy, too. Have a nice life.
Assholes don't wanna be in my band anymore.
Fat idiot. Damn it. Damn it!
Hey! Go away, Jimmy!
What the fuck, man? I'm 16!
I don't even have my fucking permit!
Figure it out! You're so fucking smart all the time!
I can't drive. You're supposed to be my guardian.
I'm not your guardian, okay? I never agreed to any of this.
I have to go get reconstructive fucking facial surgery
in South America!
I'm no good in the States anymore! You get that?
I am a big-time drug dealer!
A drug dealer, Jimmy!
I'm going to jail if people catch up with me!
I'm like the Hulk...
whatever the Hulk guy's name was when he wasn't the Hulk,
except I don't get to turn into the Hulk!
My girlfriend's making out with everybody,
and everybody's fucking looking for me!
I'm off the grid now! I'm done!
I am John fucking Doe!
What...
Was that your phone? My whole life is...
Oh, my God, dude.
You just threw up everywhere.
Oh, God.
You should probably stop chewing the nicotine gum.
Oh, my God.
The nicotine can't be too good for you.
You shoved, like, six pieces in your mouth.
Oh, my God.
Fuck, I threw my phone. Yeah.
You should've at least taken your SIM card out.
Fuck! Yeah, foolish thinking, man.
It didn't even do any good.
Ow! Oh, my God.
So much just came out of your back.
Give me that sock. This is so humiliating.
So much stuff came out. Is that Tommy's car?
What?
Hey, guys.
Hi. Hey.
I'm so glad to see you. How are you?
Hey! Ohh!
This space.
I found out that Fitz
has been dealing a lot of weed.
What do you mean you found out?
I ...
I found out that Fitz has been dealing...
Okay. You know, okay.
You didn't know that Fitz deals weed?
Everybody knows that Fitz deals weed.
Yeah. He's everybody's weed dealer.
How did you... It's all over the... Okay. Let's just...
Fitz fucking farts weed.
He doesn't fart weed, but he does sell it.
Okay. Thank you.
You didn't see it land?
Well, I mean, I did.
Like this area. This region, you know?
We're in the right place. I just don't know...
Should I call your phone? I turned it off.
What do you mean? You threw it spontaneously. How did you turn it off?
I turned it off 'cause Monica kept calling me, and I didn't wanna talk to her.
And plus...
It was actually your idea for me to turn my phone off. Yeah, I know.
It practically was. Okay. Sure.
This is shared responsibility right now.
Fuck.
If it's in a fucking rat hole, dude, I'm not gonna...
Oh, shit!
Oh, fuck! Wait! Hey! Wait!
Stop!
Wait!
Stop! Wait!
Oh, fuck! Oh, shit!
I haven't told him that I'm pregnant.
Why would you tell him that you're...
Whoa. 'Cause I'm pregnant.
You're really pregnant?
Really? I'm really pregnant.
Really pregnant? So fucked up.
You guys are gonna be the best parents ever.
Your child is gonna go to Harvard, law.
See, I'm just not sure that Fitz is gonna be the best parent ever.
Why? I don't know where he is.
I don't know why the fuck he's going to Oakland.
He's going to Oakland to see his dad. Dad.
His own dad.
His dad Arnie.
But Fitz said that he doesn't have a relationship with him.
Well, 'cause he's embarrassed, and he didn't know he was gonna do,
and I guess he does now.
Apparently his dad's sober and trying to get his shit together.
And he just didn't fucking tell me about this.
Who the fuck am I living with, Jason Bourne?
Let me look at it. I'm gonna lift your sleeve. It's probably gonna hurt.
Keep your head up. Keep your head up.
All right?
Ohh, gross! What? What?
Is it okay? Gross! Yeah.
Ohhhh! Fuck!
Keep your arm straight. All right?
I'm kind of jealous.
Why the fuck are you jealous?
Dude, that's rad! It's awesome! That fucking hurt.
Hon, can I come in? Yeah, you can come in.
Are you okay?
Yeah. I've been better.
Well, you know that Jason Bourne isn't a real person, right?
Yeah.
They just made him up for a movie.
Yeah, I know.
I have something here for you. Oh, yeah?
Yeah. It's called Airborne. Oh.
It was invented by a teacher... a teacher of children.
I know when I'm feeling kind of down, I like to make myself up one.
It makes me feel a lot better.
Here you go. Oh, thank you.
Just don't drink it until it's finished fizzing. Okay.
I don't know. Maybe I'm the crazy one.
I just think that maybe lying in a relationship
is not necessarily the worst thing in the world.
I mean, even people that maybe you look up to
have lied before in the past.
You know, like Richard Nixon, for example.
I mean, was there a better President than Richard Nixon?
I don't think so.
And he is known for being a liar.
Think about it.
Didn't you kind of lie right back to him
when you didn't tell him that you were pregnant?
Some people may consider that a lie. I guess that's true.
You're just a couple of liars in love.
Maybe that's what makes you guys so perfect for each other.
Okay, so, Arnie, Fitz's dad... Yeah?
Like, when we were kids, he used to play this game.
It was called milky-milky cakey-cake.
It was awesome. What is that?
Okay. He would take a sheet cake and a gallon of milk. Okay.
Then he would eat out a hole,
and then he'd fill it with milk, and then he'd eat that.
And they eat out another hole, fill it with milk and eat that.
And he would do it until...
The game was over when all the cake and the milk was gone.
Milky-milky cakey-cake. That's fucking awesome.
Yum. For kids? Yeah.
I wanna play it kind of, though,
even though I'm a grown-up.
Okay, so, um,
Arnie's not the kind of guy that's listed, right?
Right. So, I remember Fitz telling me
that he does this thing...
Yeah? ...this performance thing,
and I found it online.
He does a character called Eleanor. Okay.
♪ ♪ How fun.
He's creative.
Okay, Rafael, just put your arm through the sling.
Try to keep it as immobile as possible.
Can you explain to me how you broke your hand again?
That's a pretty serious fracture.
It's a compound fracture. Batting practice.
Rafael, you can answer.
Batting practice.
Batting pract... That's a pretty serious injury.
It was pretty serious batting practice.
I'm gonna call your parents, see if they can come pick you up.
I wish that you could release him to his parents, but they're dead.
Train accident.
Mmm.
Conductor was texting.
Oh, yeah. I heard about that. I'm very sorry.
It was in the news.
May I ask who you are here?
Nice to meet you. I'm Dr. Janis.
Paul. Paul. Very nice to meet you.
Paul Furcal?
Yep.
Okay.
Would you mind if I check your Id? Just a precaution.
I left it in the dugout,
'cause I was in such a rush after he broke his...
Great. I'm gonna go check and see if I can
release him to you without your I D.
So you guys... What are you implying here?
You seem rather suspicious.
All right. Listen. This is what I'm getting.
This is a very attractive cute boy.
Whoa. Who's the weirdo now? Listen, I'm not weird.
That was way weirder than... That was way weirder.
No. I've seen many naked young boys.
That's... Topped yourself again. That's way weirder.
No, it's not weird. It seems like
you might be molesting this child.
You're the one who called him pretty.
I didn't say he was pretty. I said he's an attractive young boy.
Can we get another doctor?
Listen, I'm not a... That's not strange.
I've seen thousands of young men naked.
What? Because I'm a doctor.
That's why.
Maybe hundreds of thousands.
I've done charity work in Haiti. Oh.
It's terrible what's going on down there.
We're gonna have someone from security coming in here.
So you guys just stay right here.
Sure. We will.
Why is he calling you Rafael?
I told him my name is Rafael Furcal.
Who's that? The shortstop for the Dodgers.
That's your alias? Yeah. It doesn't matter. He's a doctor.
He doesn't watch baseball. We gotta get the fuck outta here.
Really? Doctors definitely watch baseball.
Can you walk? Yeah.
Can you run? Yeah.
Run. Why are we always fucking running?
We got a little text from Rico at the gym.
Looks like Mr. Fitzgerald's plates.
We've got a lead. Boo-yah.
My name is Pete Fogerty.
I'm with the LA Sheriff's Department.
My I D there. It says "Sheriff's Department Gymnasium" on it.
It does not matter. I went through the academy.
I don't understand what the problem is.
If I give out a registered vehicle to the non-registered owner,
I could lose my license to tow. So just forget it. Ain't gonna happen.
We don't want the vehicle. We just wanna look in the vehicle.
Someone could lose their life or lose their virginity. We don't know that.
We just wanna look at the vehicle. A good chance that can happen.
All right. I'll tell you what.
Why don't the two of you
go back to your sheriff's gym,
work up a hot lather pumping weights or whatever,
hit the showers and fuck each other?
Give us the fucking keys to that van, you piece of shit! Forget it!
Everybody just calm down. Look, you like to swim?
Hey, put that down! Put that down!
I will tear this fucking garage down!
I will turn this shit-hole into a bigger shit-hole! You're a fucking psycho!
Give me the fucking keys to the van, asshole!
Fine! Take it easy!
Here.
Should've given them to me in the fucking first place!
We didn't have to go through this shit, you dumb piece of shit!
Ow! God!
Oakland. Let's go!
Dude, why did you just break up with Monica like that?
Because you don't make out with other people when you live together.
Amen to that.
This guy knows what's up.
Nasty.
She just made out. She didn't fuck him. She didn't have sex with him.
As far as I know. So far.
Doesn't matter.
Once an animal tastes another animal's blood,
it always wants the same blood again.
What does that...
It means now that she's made out with Barry,
she's always gonna want to make out with Barry,
'cause she knows what it's like to make out with Barry.
Whoever this Barry is, she got that taste in her mouth,
and she always gonna crave Barry.
I get it. He's just looking out for his job,
but, you know, he's being a real jerk.
Ohh. Oh, boy. This doesn't look good, James.
Lots of signs of struggle in here.
Why do you say that? I don't know.
This could be claw marks here.
You know, escape attempts.
That could be anything. Shut up and just see what you can find.
I don't wanna hear what you think.
I got a knapsack back here. I think it's Jimmy's clothes.
What? I got a notebook.
Tor Eagle.
Could be some neo-Nazi sex trade group maybe, or...
Why does there have to be sex involved with everything?
It could be just a notebook. There's a lot of sonnets in here.
It bothers me that he doesn't have his clothes with him right now.
That's my point. This looks like a piss stain.
He was scared, man.
Whatever was going on, he was scared.
Is it a piss stain or not?
I don't have my DNA kit.
Again, these are not great things
to find in a van where no one can hear him scream.
Whoa. Hey. Look at this. What is this?
Okay.
Berlin. I'm looking for a Fitzgerald.
My buddy Fitzgerald. He's not here right now.
Do you know if he's gonna be coming in tonight, or...
Yeah, about 8:00. Thanks very much.
We're going to Berlin.
The bar, not the place.
What the hell's that?
♪ Now, you start out here with a drummer ♪
♪ Yeah, I know it's a bit of a bummer ♪
♪ But when you got his hairy ass in your face ♪
♪ You're not very far from the bass ♪
♪ And you're backstage humpin' the bassist ♪
♪ Yeah, I know he's a bit of a racist ♪
♪ But when he's drawing swastikas on your bra ♪
♪ You're not very far from guitar ♪
♪ Bassist, lead guitar, singer, drummer ♪
♪ Bassist, lead guitar, singer ♪
♪ Touch, feel, kiss, suck ♪
♪ This is the evolution of fuck ♪
♪ And when your bung-hole's filled with his finger ♪
♪ You're not very far from the singer ♪
♪ Now you've fornicated up the ladder ♪
♪ And you lie there while he empties his bladder ♪
♪ Your mouth filling up with his hot golden stream ♪
♪ Finally, you've reached the man of your dream ♪
♪ Bassist, lead guitar, singer, drummer ♪
♪ Bassist, lead guitar, singer ♪
♪ Singer, singer ♪
Dad? Glen.
Fitz?
So, like, what are you, like, a drag queen?
Glen, I'm so much more than that, okay?
I wanna tell you I'm sober.
I run a whole bar, okay?
I host a Lady Gaga night on Wednesday.
I'm a performer.
I own a radio-controlled airplane, okay?
I'm doing all these things.
That's why I wanna talk to you.
That's why I want to make you a sandwich.
I don't want a fucking sandwich.
Sandwich diplomacy didn't work when I was a kid,
and it doesn't work now.
Half a sandwich. No sandwiches!
All right. Okay. You're obviously freaked out by the way I look.
No, I'm thrown by the fact
that you're the shittiest dad I've ever heard of.
For what it's worth, he talks about you all the time.
Who are you? I'm Dirty Carl.
I'm your dad's sponsor.
I am performing on Lady Gaga nights
so I can displace my alcoholic tendencies
♪ Through performance ♪
What are we gonna do about the fact
that you're dealing drugs, Fitz?
I'm dealing drugs. You kidnapped Jimmy.
I didn't kidnap Jimmy.
Jimmy's dad is an abusive father,
and I'm taking Jimmy to his mom's house.
This is a great time for Jimmy and I to make our exit.
Fuck. Wait. All right...
My mom doesn't actually live in Oakland.
Where does she live? She...
died, like, a year ago.
She's not even alive.
Jimmy...
Do you realize that I'm gonna go to jail now, Jimmy?
All right. Calm down. It's not even that...
Fuck you, man! Don't yell at him.
Why did you come here? You drove six hours.
Why are you even here?
I'm pregnant.
That's why I'm here.
Congratulations.
Uhh...
And no one that I talked to thinks that you're gonna be a good father.
Well, who have you talked to? Tommy and Richie and my parents.
Oh, great. So I'm the last person to know that I have a fucking kid.
And I'm the last person to know that you have a dad that's been trying to contact you.
I'm not even sure it's my kid.
Why don't you go tell Barry that he knocked you up?
Really? Yeah.
You know what? Fuck you.
Fucking asshole. Get your shit out of my house!
And that includes your gong.
Are you...
Holy shit, dude. What...
Monica, please.
He didn't mean to call you a bitch. I know. It's okay.
He's not a bad person, huh? I know.
He's just scared about being a dad.
I was scared about being a dad.
I punched Joan Jett in the tit once.
I once set fire to a lake.
But you know what?
He's just trying, you know?
I wanna... Listen, please.
I wanna be a good grandpa to your son.
I wanna take him to baseball games
and teach him about trains
and fine wines
and how to sell bottles on the Internet.
Yeah. It's okay. It's over.
No. Please don't say that.
Don't give up on the Fitzgeralds.
'Cause let me tell you something about the Fitzgeralds.
They may be fucked up when they're young, okay? Okay.
But we come on strong in the end,
like a fine wine
or a map, something...
No. Please?
Fitzgeralds forever!
♪ Fight, Fitzgeralds, fight ♪
♪ Fitzgeralds, fight ♪
Sorry I yelled at you. Oh...
My mom's dead too, so... Yeah, I know. I know.
I don't know. Maybe you were just scared
that you might fuck up your kid.
That's pretty insightful for a teenager.
It's a normal thing to be afraid of.
You smoke all fucking day. All day?
Yeah. I star
Whatever. It doesn't matter. You smoke 24-7.
That's gotta stop. I'm gonna quit smoking weed.
Really? Yeah.
You're gonna take my advice? Yeah.
I do want a cigarette, though.
Hey, Carl. Yeah?
You got any smokes?
Yeah, I got a little goody box behind the bar there.
Thanks, man. Sorry I was rude before.
Hey, we're all in this together, bro.
Peace.
Hey, pothead!
God. Dad.
Dad, please... Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Dad... What the hell happened to you?
No. I swear to God, he didn't even touch me.
What happened to your arm? What did that pervert...
Shit!
Dad, please, stop. Get off him, Dad.
Go for the bridge! Hit him in the bridge!
Stand down, big guy! Come on!
Back up. Back up now. Whoa.
Everybody just stay back, all right?
I am immortal!
Hey, stop, stop! Cool it! Just stop, Dad!
Put it... Put it down.
Shut up, you abusive asshole.
Abusive? I've never abused anybody in my entire...
Bullshit! You hit him all the time!
No. I do not hit him.
He's not fucking abusive, okay?
He's just a dick. He wants to send me to military school
instead of just talking to me about my problems.
Okay, okay. Jimmy, calm down.
Dads are weird.
Like, look at my dad. I haven't seen him in ten years.
He thinks his sandwiches are gonna fix everything.
The sandwiches do fix everything.
Okay. Not now.
I know you guys just miss your mom.
And it's hard for dudes to talk to each other, you know?
But you're just both gonna have to find your third vertices.
Dad's suck,
but it's better having a shitty one
than not having one, believe me.
Fuck.
That's a major breakthrough, you guys.
Thanks, Dirty Carl.
I'm sorry I misjudged you. I'm sorry I knocked you out in the alley,
and then pushed you into the mirror in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I jacked you in the face
with everything I had.
Okay...
You guys know he's a brother Mason?
And I'm gonna get a dog.
All right. We're gonna hit it. Yeah.
Stop by the house, though, all right?
We'll have a cookout or something. For sure.
Hey, you ready? Yeah. Let's go.
Cairo. Abiff.
I'll see you out there. Yeah. Uh...
We're both kind of fucked up. Yeah.
Everybody is, I think. Yeah.
You... Um...
I'll stop by the garage or something, yeah? Sure, man.
See you soon? Yeah.
Fuck. Come here.
Take care of yourself. Later, bud.
Arnie, good to meet you. Yeah. I'm gonna...
See ya.
Son, with these sandwiches,
I officially make amends to you.
I know I've been a deadbeat dad,
but as a grandpa,
I'm gonna be live-beat.
I like that.
You're really weird,
but I love you a lot.
Come on.
You even hug weird.
Come on. You've gotta go after Monica.
She's such a lovely girl.
She reminds me a lot of your mom.
Now go get her.
Do you want your apartment key? No, no. That's okay.
Okay.
Don't worry about it.
Dear Glen, you're an angel.
Arnie. Dad.
I wanna give you guys some good news.
The good news is that Monica here... okay...
through her hard work, grit, and determination,
has been promoted to segment producer.
So let that be an example to you guys. Oh, wow.
Thank you. Hard work, grit, and determination,
all right here.
I hope that makes you very happy.
So it's just, like... I feel great, Barry.
Thank you. Yeah. Good. Good. All right.
You should.
Summer fires. This is gonna be our sweeps story.
We need chopper footage of forest fires.
I'm not saying start a fire, but I'm not saying...
Okay. I'm ready to be a dad.
Okay. Whoa.
This is a closed meeting.
Shut up, Barry.
Uh, you shut up.
Not now, Barry? Oh, not now?
Yeah, not now. How about not right now?
How about not right now, Bar? How about not now?
Not now, Barry. Get out.
Not now. You get out. Get...
I see that you're still upset.
Understandable.
I've been kind of an asshole.
I left you alone when you needed me.
But, honestly, kidnapping that kid
was, like, the best thing that I've ever done.
Let's go. I realize that I've been
a fucking asshole recently.
I've been lying to you. I've been selling drugs.
I'm a loser.
I wanna be in my kid's life, though.
I'm a loser 'cause I didn't have a dad,
and I don't want my kid to be anything like me.
I never, ever want to make him sandwiches.
That doesn't make sense.
Parents make sandwiches for their kids all the time.
Dude, I've been in, like, three fights this weekend.
Yeah? I'm getting pretty good at it.
Wanna make it four? Yeah!
Do you? Fine! Catch me then!
I haven't even smoked weed in two days,
and I can go a couple more without any problem.
So, two days at a time eventually.
150 of those. That's, like, a year, babe. Come on, man.
I'm gonna be there all the time for him. I bought that car seat.
If you don't like it, we can go back to the thrift store and get a new one.
They have, like, five different ones. Get out!
How about I call your wife
and tell her that you were making out
with my sad, pregnant girlfriend, you fucking dick?
That would be weird.
I wanna be in my kid's life.
I wanna be in your life as much as you'll let me.
And I'm gonna love you forever.
Yeah. I get that you love me, Fitz.
I can't count on you, though.
Whatever.
Later, loser!
Nothing like a little comic relief.
Um, go to your worksheets for a second.
Listen, don't let
that loser get... Ugh! Okay. You know what?
You are so disgusting. You can keep your promotion.
Okay?
Keep it. I don't need it.
Fitz!
"I don't need to be segment producer."
Fitz! Fitz, wait up!
Fitz.
What are you doing here?
So you like the car seat.
Sure.
You're pregnant now, so we shouldn't...
What, do you wanna die an elevator virgin?
I miss you, too, Mom.
Wish you were still here.
I love you.
Hey, guys.
Guys, can we go back to L.A. Soon?
I'm sorry.
Cemeteries really freak me out.
Okay. Just try to relax, all right? We're going.
Sorry, Katie.
Fogerty's here,
and cemeteries creep him out.
Please? Please? Fogerty, please.
We gotta cut this visit short.
See you soon, Mom.
Fuck. What the fuck...
You couldn't wait two seconds?
Hey.
Are we, like, a triangle now?
Sure. Yeah.
Why not?
That's weird.
♪ l send a message at 3:00 a.m. ♪
♪ It's old news to you ♪
♪ That I've been drinking again ♪
♪ ln love with you and missin' my old friends ♪
♪ So if you've got the time, this is where my story begins ♪
♪ They told me l was born to lose ♪
♪ l got a winner's heart but a failure's shoes ♪
♪ There's not much that l can do ♪
♪ But if l had the chance, I'd try to marry you ♪
♪ Well, thanks for wasting time ♪
♪ With me again ♪
♪ Well, thanks for wasting time ♪
♪ On me ♪
♪ Your friends think they're better than me ♪
♪ And if l thought real hard, I'd have to agree ♪
♪ l smoke cigarettes and too much weed ♪
♪ And l cuss a lot when l drink whiskey ♪
♪ l wanna give you what you need ♪
♪ l got a lot of flowers and no money ♪
♪ There's not much that l can be ♪
♪ But l swear to God l got devil in me ♪
♪ Thanks for wasting time ♪
♪ With me again ♪
♪ Well, thanks for wasting time ♪
♪ On me ♪
♪ Thanks for wasting time ♪
♪ With me again ♪
♪ Well, thanks for wasting time ♪
♪ On me ♪