Your attention please
This film has been classified as vulgar comedy
It contains high amounts of coarse language, adult themes,
political incorrectness, discrimination and sexual situations
As such, this film has been rated
one level higher than Parental Guidance:
Parental Censure
Any persons who are unable to accept these themes
will be granted 10 seconds of screen time
to leave the cinema
As a result of seeing this film
If any persons develop symptoms of
emotional distress
illness
unhappiness
or erectile dysfunction
the film and the cinema would like to make clear that
it's none of our fucking problem!
Aiyah sorry, sorry, sorry!
I didn't expect you to be so punctual
I thought most film people are always late
Personally, I am usually pretty on-time
Not just during film shoots
Even going to the cinema, I'm never late
When you're watching a movie
if you're late, you just miss a bit
But when you walk to your seat
you're blocking other people's view, asshole
Let's start when the students are all here
Isn't he cool? Arriving later than the professor
OK, everyone. All here?
Then let's start
I'm very pleased to have here with us today a film producer
My old friend Mr. To Wai-cheung
Please give him a warm welcome
Oh, and please remember to turn off your cellphones
don't disturb our little get-together
Ah To - you don't mind me calling you that, right?
Love it
We have many students here from different departments
but they're all interested in the subject of "producing"
However, theory and practice are usually different Right
So we hope you can share your experience with us
We're recording this lecture, ok?
Not a problem
Alright! Let me ask the first question then
Exactly what kind of work does a producer do?
Professor, that's a good question
Many people want to know that
If you want to know what a film producer does
then you must first understand
his role in a film production
Professor, may I ask you a biological question?
Sure! What is the point of having pubes?
Excuse me?
Pubes!
There are a lot of students here...
Oh, yes. Sorry
Forgot that there are girls here too Yes
Let me make it clearer
What is the pubic hair's function?
Don't say you don't know
Pubic hair is very strange
It looks ugly and sheds easily
If you don't let it breathe, it'll stink
If you're competing for Miss Hong Kong
when you get to the swimsuit event
some pubic strands may stick out of your bikini
so embarrassing
So how can something so ugly
still serve a purpose?
It does
During sexual intercourse
the bodies collide against one another
which then generates friction
The function of the pubic hair
is to ease that friction
Try shaving it off
you'll find that it really hurts
Producers then are responsible for
easing the friction between people
A normal producer is like a patch of straggly pubes
A good producer is like a great thick bush of pubic hair
So my parents paid for me to study for four years
just to learn how to become like pubic hair?
Exactly!
Not really
You'll also get a diploma out of it too
Let's get back to the subject then
I have been talking about the subject
Besides that handful of...
I mean, producers also work in other areas
For example, how do you find investors?
That's another good question!
Finding money is very important
Once you have money
you can fool around
friction will then turn up
So those thick pubes will come in handy again!
Can we not always use pubic hair as an example?
I'm sorry. I only used it twice
This is an institution for higher learning
Why don't we talk about
is it hard to find funding nowadays?
There are many ways to find money
Having a big studio boss is one way
brands promote their products using "soft sell"
That's right, class!
I know lots about product placement
Let me explain it to you
Product placement is now very popular
During a movie
brands promote their products using "soft sell"
then the advertising is paid to the film company
It's like killing two birds with one stone
What's your question?
Most product placements these days are too obvious
As a producer
do you accept money from anyone?
In principle, yes
But you must understand
clients want their product onscreen
for the whole film
but the director doesn't want even a single shot
As the pube...l mean producer
I must mediate between the two sides
You make yourself sound so smart
but can you really appease both side?
Hey! Good morning
What's up with you?
The traffic in Central is so bad in the morning
It's crazy man!
I didn't think that you'd show up to a presentation
while wearing slippers!
I have yoga class tonight
This way it's easier for me to change clothes
If you don't like it, I can go home and...
You're in a rush
Why don't I just go and buy a new pair
That store's shoes are ok
Oh shit! I forgot to bring my VIP...
Without my VIP card, it means no discount
Hey, VIP. Why don't you just disappear
Please just give me the director's synopsis
Hold this. He e-mailed it to me last night
So I saved everything into this...
Hello Kitty USB
Shall I go over the details with you first?
No need. Is it similar to the last version?
Just tiny changes
Fine. I'll present it myself
Nowadays, soft product placement
for a multinational corporation's brand building
is especially important
Union, as the world's 4th largest insurance company
it is even more crucial
to build an international image
In this story, the director is trying to present
Union's status and significance in the global community
Imagine Jay Chou as part of your company's insurance staff
with a happy family and good career prospects
Just think about it
Jay Chou. Such a suave guy
wandering back and forth in front of your company logo
As a female audience
how can you resist buying insurance from Union?
That's right, he accidently finds out that
the company every year has over
USD 10 million missing...
Under Jay Chou's investigation
he finds that this is connected to a huge international conspiracy
It turns out that your company
every year sends this huge amount of money
via an offshore account directly to...
Al-Qaeda?
Yes, al-Qaeda
Because“.
If the planes are covered by Union insurance
and accidents occur and the planes crash
your company...would ask the terrorist organisation
to confess to the attacks
Since terrorist attacks aren't covered by insurance
therefore Union can then
reject all claims from the victims' families
Please... Everybody calm down
Not everyone in the company is bad
only the management
To expose the truth, Jay Chou
continues his investigation until he's stopped by the top brass
In order to stop Jay
Oh motherfucker
They...even murder his wife and family
And their insurance records
are all confiscated and deleted by management
To fight for justice
and for his family's insurance claim
he confronts Union's management
and exposes the plot to the world
Fine. I won't try to justify this
How about this
I promise that your company logo
will appear in this film for at least 10 minutes
Sorry, sorry
That doesn't work!
It means you failed
Indeed, it failed
But each failure paves the way for success
As a producer, you must be able to endure constant rejection
Next
What you're saying is
being a producer is all about bragging
There's no practical work
You can say that
But if anyone who brags can be a producer
then Professor Cheng wouldn't be here
It's a tough world outside
That's right. Since the stakes are so high
that's why a producer
should be able to sacrifice himself for cinema
You make it sound so good
So what have you sacrificed for cinema?
You want to know what I have sacrificed for cinema?
Can you please tell the staff to stop recording?
If you stop recording, I'll tell you
Turn it off, turn it off
You really want to know what I've sacrificed for cinema?
OK, I'll tell you now
fucking scare your pants off!
This is ridiculous!
Why didn't you tell me beforehand?
I did, I told you this morning
You said he only changed it a little bit
Why is your work quality nosediving?
You're driving me nuts
Was anyone looking for me?
Who?
Fat Wei
What did he say?
You asshole, the cheque bounced three fucking times
Lawyer Tsang called
Got it. Next
Lawyer Tsang called
Who is Lawyer Tsang?
Your ex-wife
You haven't paid alimony for three months
If you don't pay it immediately
don't even think about seeing your daughter
Anything else?
Lui Wing-shing called you from Guangzhou
Really?
Brother Wing-shing, looking for me? What's up?
What are you up to?
Nothing, still working on Blackie Tak's action film
What? Still Blackie Tak, really?
Hey, I know a boss in Guangxi
Are you interested in a chat?
Guangxi? Did he invest in movies before?
Nope. Guangxi gangster. Triad head
Got rich by smuggling rare golden turtles
You're my sworn brother
Why don't we give it a shot
Do you have time to come up?
If we can close the deal, he has cash
Does he really have money?
Bro, it's golden turtles, not wet market chicken
Of course he's loaded!
All these are yours
Thank you so much
When did you start running grey imports?
Not really
I just buy them to please the bosses
How can I carry with just two hands?
True
You have no idea how in demand milk powder is
Hey, is your boss really trustworthy?
Asking us to meet here? Seems suspicious
Hey, don't worry. We're mates
I know he's awesome
Really? How did you meet him?
At GaGa
Guangzhou's GaGa Bar? Lots of girls there
Yeah, but he still tried to compete with me
He hit me over a girl
But we ended with a friendship dinner
Isn't he awesome?
Shing! Brother Tyrannosaurus
Let me introduce
Sit! Sit! Sit!
This is our Hong Kong movie producer, To Wai-cheung
Big Producer
Nice to meet you
I'm sorry. I should have gone to pick you up today
but one of my enemies was just publicly executed
See? He's dressed so smart today
Of course! How can you not dress up for an execution
Hey, let's not mention these
the facade may seem shabby here
But the best delicacies in Guangxi are here
Let me order the best food for you
Ho, tell the chef to bring out the dishes
Big Producer
Here in Beihai
we don't go for those karaoke
or saunas or massages
We go straight to the point
So let's give you a warm welcome
Don't say anything. Have some tonic first
then it's time for fun
Fun!
Since you got all the way here
it means you're my friend
Obedience is better than politeness
Cheers! Then let's drink up and be friends
Sure, sure.Thank you, Brother Tyrannosaurus
After tonight
we'll be brothers-in-law
Cheers! Cheers! Thank you, Brother Tyrannosaurus
Thank you, thank you Cheers! Cheers!
Cheers!
Can you explain what these dishes are?
Let me introduce them to you. It must be your first time
This is braised rabbit head
This is deep fried frog
Ah, this one is fucking awesome
A deep fried family of field mice the father, mother and the off springs
Eat the mother first
This one's braised soft-shell turtle
Look at it! The head looks just like you
Just kidding! Let's have some soup!
OK!
Not bad. This is chestnut soup Yes, vegetables
What chestnut? It's bull's eye. It's good for you!
Ah here's the main dish
It's called the dragon-tiger-phoenix delight
Fucking amazing
What does the dragon-tiger-phoenix refer to?
Snake, cat and chicken
Woah, cat? I can't do it
Hey, when in Rome, do as the Romans do
I fucking told you basket case so many fucking times
Don't fucking disgrace me in front of my fucking guests
Why the fuck are you always fucking up like this?
Am I fucking right?
When we have guests,always fucking let them pick first
What the fuck did I tell you before?
I'm so fucking sorry, Big Brother
Why say that shit to me?
Say it to Big Producer
I'm so fucking sorry
No problem. Let's continue
No way. This is the rule
You're our guest. You first
Actually I don't eat much
You're fucking making us lose face
Big Brother ordered this especially for you
You want us to fucking lose face?
Of course not. It's just that I need to drive later
These dishes must have been cooked with wine
I get drunk easily
What are you fucking scared of?
If you get drunk and hit someone
just say you know me, end of story
Of course, better to not run over anyone too famous
I told you he's powerful in Guangxi
You can't get out of it.
Take some I'll try a little
Tastes real gamey!
You motherfucker!
You fucking want Big Brother to lose face?
I'm just not used to eating these
We common people just eat common food
Is there anything more normal to eat?
Big Producer isn't used to eating these. Don't force him
Do you eat cow?
Cow? Great!
I love beef!
Tell the chef to cook my signature dish
Cheers! Brother Tyrannosaurus
I'm so sorry
Sorry, Brother Wah Tao. Sorry, brothers
Cheers! Quit talking bullshit
It's truly delicious
Hong Kong doesn't have beef this good
So smooth and so soft
Not too tough and not too rough
And I never knew preserved vegetable tastes
so good with beef
The texture is sticky but it's easy to eat
No tendons. Better than those in Kowloon City
What part of the cow is it?
Is it the neck or the cheek?
It's...cow bliss
Cow bliss? What does that mean...
Cow bliss is cow vagina
You can't always order it. But our timing is just right
Think about it
one cow only has one vagina. It reduces once you cook it
So guess how many cows you need to cook just one dish?
Yeah. Lucky that we have Brother Tyrannosaurus here today
Otherwise
there'd be more preserved vegetables than vaginae
Still not fucking giving face to my boss?
Drink it all!
If you don't fucking finish it, don't talk to me
Brother Tyrannosaurus, it's my fault
I'll drink!
It's alright! It's alright!
That's good. We've all been getting too worked up
Let's enjoy mule pussy after dinner. How about that?
What is "mule pussy"?
Never heard of it
But you can tell from what thay say
they're pussy crazy, so they should be dependable
Brother Tyrannosaurus. We Hong Kongers are ignorant
What is "mule pussy"?
You don't understand Cantonese?
Mule pussy is the pussy of a mule
How can that be?
"Dragon-tiger-phoenix" means snake, cat and chicken
"Cow bliss" is cow's vagina
How the fuck can "mule pussy" mean mule's pussy?
Why not?
Big Brother. It took us half a day to find it
Hey, come in. You're so damn late
If you really know how to fuck
then you'd know that mule pussy is the best
I didn't touch my girl for ages afterwards
It's true
I didn't touch my girl for ages afterwards
Why did you take so fucking long?
Big Brother, the mule was easy to find
But I thought of hanging a corsage on it to celebrate
It's so hard to find a corsage!
Which one would you like?
You fucking asshole. Don't push me any more
The whole night you forced me to eat all this shit
You want me to eat cow's vagina? Fine
But when I'm drunk you tell me to go fuck animals?!
I'll kill anyone who tells me I should go fuck a mule!
I've been putting up with you all night
Don't think you're so special
just because you've made movies
I greeted you with exotic dishes
and you didn't appreciate it. Fine
You wanted to eat beef
I ordered beef and you still didn't appreciate. Fine
I treated you with sincerity
but you made me lose face in front of my men
You two had better settle this with us tonight!
Brother, please listen to me
Put away your gun first. Put it back
I'll set up a friendship dinner. How about that?
We shouldn't get so upset because of a pair of mules
It's not worth it, right?
My friend got drunk. Please forgive him
Like back in GaGa
I'll set up a friendship dinner. How about that?
I'll tell you now
I, Tyrannosaurus, have never been so insulted
I treated you with courtesy
so you must fuck the mule first before you can leave
You came today, you then need to fuck a mule
Otherwise, I won't let you walk out of here
Cheung, listen to me. I'm so sorry
Brother Tyrannosaurus, it's me who brought him here
I'll do it on his behalf
Both mules for me
You think this is a wedding?
The best man drinks the groom?
One man on each mule!
What's the big deal?
Stop it! Stop it. Let me speak
Stop talking. Listen to me
I ask for one thing
What?
Can I have a pre-coital cigarette?
Go ahead
Cheung, as your buddy, I'm so sorry
Lui, don't say that shit
It seems like we can't escape this time
How about I cover for you. You run away first
Fuck you. Do I look like someone who'll do that?
I have a sense of personal loyalty
So...
how about you protect me first while I run
FUCK you!
No matter what fucking happens, I promise you
Whatever happens tonight, only you and I will know
And the few of them
and the two mules
We won't say a word!
Why are you talking so fucking loud?
Are you proud of it?
Are you two ready to fuck or what?
Do you need to take so fucking long?
I never realized before that smoking a cigarette
lasts for such a short time
If I can just puff on it for a little longer
then it would be great
If you've ever been to those old cinemas
where there was a dress circle for midnight shows
then you may have experienced the same thing
Halfway though a show
the film burns up
because the projector got too hot
part of a reel is missing
There's no picture
When you drink too much, you may also lose some footage
You forget what happened to you
and what you've done
If it's something we really want to forget
we can also force ourselves to lose some footage
What the hell happened that night?
I just remember us having dinner
after that cigarette
I don't remember anything
But since then
whenever I see a four-legged animal like
a horse
a COW
a goat...
I can't help but start flinching
I try to make myself forget because
what happens in Vegas
stays in Vegas
What happens in Guangxi
I'd rather not think about it
Hey, everything's fine
Brother Tyrannosaurus thinks we did good last time
He wants to invest in the film
What? What film?
The story he mentioned to you
Damn! I'm really missing some footage
I don't remember a thing
What the fuck. You already promised him!
Fuck me. What kind of film?
I told you it was great!
Once you try it, you will never go back
See? These two fuckers are still savoring it
Big Producer, since we're brothers now
I don't mind telling you that
since I was a kid, I've always admired film people
You guys have talent and imagination
How can we compare with you?
It's nothing, really
When I was a child in Guangxi
I loved going to see Hong Kong movies
What was my favourite film?
Big Brother, your favourites must've all been pornos
Do you need to say it?
Of course! What was it called?
Oh yes
"Confession of a Concubine"
Starring that erotic film star...
Yum Yum Shaw, right?
Yes, yes! I loved her since I was a kid
Whenever I think of her, I'd want to jerk off
Just mentioning her makes me hard
Do you think we can make her come back
and make a film?
Do you have money?
Of course!
Then I know her very well!
Great!
Then just remake "Confession of a Concubine"
I've even come up with a new title
"Confessions of Two Concubines"
If it makes money, then let's make
"Triple Confessions of Concubines"
If that also makes money, then we must make
"Four-Way Confessions of Concubines"
Good idea, no?
OK it's settled. You make it, I invest in it
As long as you have money!
You shoot...no. You invest, we shoot
It's bound to be good
OK then let's do it
Cheers! Cheers!
Let's drink the whole bottle!
The condoms we left for you
Why didn't you use them?
Did you bring your own?
You need a condom to fuck a mule?
Big Brother, how can you fuck a mule without a condom?
Of course not
Look at these crazy and reckless Hong Kongers
So disgusting
We'd better not use the same utensils
Good fucking idea
I think movies are just like fashion
There are cycles
Just like bell-bottommed trousers
they were popular in the 70s
But after a few decades, they'll become popular again
Everyone has regrets about their first time
But a second opportunity can come very fast
Life is full of surprises
When this second opportunity comes, you may ask yourself
if I can do it again
This time, how can I improve my performance?
Today, your opportunity has comes
What the fuck, Cheung? You've got to be kidding me
I thank you for coming to me with a new film idea
But I'm an old lady now, and you're still asking me to strip?
Are you nuts?
Don't scold me yet
My big boss really loves you
He saw you in "Confession of a Concubine" when he was a child
If you're in "Confessions of Two Concubines",
it'll surely be a hit
When he was a child, right?
Asking me to take off my clothes?
Even if I say yes
I'll just end scaring youngsters away!
You asked me out for lunch. I appreciate it
You give me a new role. I also appreciate it
But please don't ask me
to do this at my age
so I won't get teased by people, ok asshole?
But my boss said that we must have Yum Yum Shaw
You see what kind of influence you still have ?
Ok, even if you deny it
at least your presence still affect me
It's fine if you don't help me
But think about yourself
Why not show off your beauty before it's too late?
I'll treat you to this meal
Please, I beg you, go play around with young girls
But don't try to fool this old lady. Eat!
Daddy, what are you scratching? I'll scratch too
No, Jacqueline
Only low-lives scratch like that in public
Mr. To
I let you see Jacqueline
because I have a meeting in Shanghai
so I can't go with her to school
No matter what, you're still her father
After you meet her teacher
I'll ask the maid to pick her up
No way
You're gonna leave her alone at night?
She can stay with me
The maid will look after her
Why must the maid look after her?
You'll let her sleep alone all night?
Auntie Lin will stay with her
Why must she stay with the maid?
Our daughter isn't a horse trainer
Daddy, why does a horse trainer need to sleep with a maid?
Oh, because those horse trainers are desperate
They need to work in the middle of the night
When they finish work
they have needs in the morning Enough
Why do you say these things in front of your daughter?
I'll send you Auntie Lin's mobile number
After the parents' meeting...
I want to stay at Daddy's place
Lawyer Tsang
I hope you will respect the wishes of the parties
Thank you
Jacqueline, Mommy can let you stay at Daddy's place
But you must promise me something
If you touch anything dirty there
wash your hands immediately
Clean with soap for 15 seconds
while singing "Happy Birthday", OK?
Call Mommy anytime if you have any problems
or call Auntie Lin, OK?
OK
Are you done scratching?
I don't know why
it's so itchy!
Come, let's go have ice cream
To Siu-kuen's academic performance is really poor
After going through her records
She was ranked no.1 before she transferred here
But now she's almost the worst student
As her parent
you should let her focus more on her studies
Miss Cheung, she's been very focused
You should reduce her activities outside of school
so she can concentrate on her studies
Such as?
Like looking after her dog
Impossible
I cannot force my daughter to give up her dog
When I was a child, I didn't have to study like this
My mother didn't push me to study every night
unlike her nasty mother
What do you do, Mr. To?
I'm a film producer
How about your wife?
Barrister
There you go
Actually, our school is most concerned about our reputation
If our students cannot reach a certain standard
it will end up affecting us too
Based on To Siu-kuen's academic performance
things are not looking good
Although Lawyer Tsang
pleaded with our principal to take her in...
Only her mother did the begging, not me
Are you going to kick her out?
Don't wait until next week
I can go enrol her at Oxford
Oxford?
Oxford Road Subsidised Primary School
I have never agreed with most of her mother's arrangements
The average IQ is 120
Our daughter's score is just two points more
122. What's the big deal?
But her mother had to transfer her from a normal school
to your so-called genius school
What's so great about a school for geniuses?
The school's genius
is in charging us $15,000 every month for tuition!
My daughter was the top in a normal school, right?
But she insisted on making her come last among geniuses
Mr. To, you're wrong
All parents want their children to do better than they did
They want them to make friends with smarter people
to upgrade themselves
Of course, some losers like to be
with people at their own level
It makes them feel more comfortable
Mr. To, you are one of these
It doesn't mean To Siu-kuen needs to be like you, right?
Miss Cheung, I don't know what the fuck you're saying
Sorry
Producer, you're back
What's going on?
Fat Wei brought them up here
Fat Wei?
Hey' Pan?! Lap-Wei!
What the fuck are you doing? All I owe you is some money
Hey, you don't just owe me money, but all of us
If you don't pay me, OK
But the whole crew needs to make a living
Who the hell are these people?
Your place is so big, and you're not making a film
So I rented out half of it for you
and let these guys shoot some pseudo-models
How else would you find money to pay people?
Before, you would call me Producer this, Producer that
Now I have no film, so you fuck me over like this
Let Big Sis tell you something
in this world, sometimes being big is not the most important thing
Small can be cute too
Look at me, pretty cute, no?
What kind of writing is this?
Producer To, do you remember me?
Not really
Popping Candy!
Popping Candy?
Maybe I do know you?
You not only know me
but you've tasted me too
Wow, then I really totally don't recall
What are you doing here?
Well, after you said no to me on your last film, I took your advice
Since I don't have much going on
I became a part-time model
Is this your company? Yes
Why did your office become a studio?
Just ask my friend, Fat Wei
They wanted to find a venue for a photography club
They couldn't find a space, so they begged me
My place here is big, no it's not a big deal
Daddy, Daddy
Miss, I like your costume
Actually I'm a nurse. Isn't it pretty?
So cute! I've never seen this type of nurse uniform before
Daddy, I want one too
Hey, wait until you grow bigger...
I mean when you grow up first
Who are you looking for?
Blackie Tak
Come in
Thanks
Producer
Director, what are you doing here?
Well, my friend opened this gambling den
So he asked me to help him
What is this place?
A children's playground?
Nowadays gambling dens are very user friendly
Housewives want to play mahjong
but who looks after the kids?
So we hire maids to look after their children
Do you remember Auntie Chau? She just left
Auntie Chau?
Yes! Excuse me
Mrs. Leung, it's time for you to go home
Let me finish
Your husband will be back in half an hour
What? OK, I should leave
Yes, stop playing
Really? Damn
Billy, let's go
How about the dishes?
Maria has cooked them for you
Your service is really perfect
We always put our customers firsts
Come early next time
Don't, don't, don't
Remember your husband is on leave this Thursday
Behave yourself, OK? Bye bye
OK. Thank you
Tak, what are you doing here?
What can I do? The film market is so damn quiet
How goes the sales pitch on our last project?
How can I even sell it?
I have always given you freedom
But how could you write that
they donate money to al-Qaeda?
Why do you need cameras?
It's just to be on the safe...
Police, everybody freeze!
We suspect you're running an illegal gambling den
Who's the owner?
There's no owner here
I'm the production manager. We're filming in here
This is our director, our camera
our extras, our lighting gears
You dare to try and fool us?
I've been watching you for the past two weeks
You're filming the same scene every day?
Your dialogue is the same every day?
I've even recorded it
Like "pong", "seung", "Chow", "kong"
"Aiya, I lost"
And "Fuck you for such a risky tile"
I'll let our director explain
Sir, this is a gambling film
The words "pong", "seung", "kong",
are required in the film
And Sir, "Fuck you..."
"...for such a risky tile"
clearly expresses a gambler's rage
How about the money?
Fake money
It looks this real?
If it looks fake,
Hong Kong movies won't look professional
You! What do you do?
I'm the most miserable. I'm the producer of this film
Everyone squat down. Pull out your ID cards
Squat down... Pull out your ID cards
You too
Blackie Tak, you can't be like this your whole life
You think I don't want to make movies?
Just look at my name
I've had bad luck for the last few years
You've had bad luck for more than a few years
But now your chance is coming
An investor wants to remake a classic film
I want you to direct it
Really? Remake what?
"Confession of a Concubine"
"Confession of a Concubine"?!
Keep quiet
Sorry! Sorry!
Why are you alone? Where's Quin ?
She was in a rush to go to yoga, so she left first
What the hell?
Hey hi. My legs and arm are bent,
my hands can't reach the phone
Please leave your message after the tone. Call you back
Hey, don't just get bent out of shape.
Why don't you just oack up?
How many times did I say your performance is nosediving?
This is my daughter
How can you leave her alone like this?
Call me back!
Daddy, I'm actually not alone
Big Sis is with me
Which big Sis?
I can only find some biscuits
Hey, you're back!
Did you help me look after her?
Yeah, I saw your assistant leave
So I stayed to keep her company after the shoot
I actually wanted to go down to buy something to eat
But I was worried about her staying here alone
Don't eat these. Let's go out to eat
Be careful. It's hot
At this moment, I find that I may have misjudged Popping Candy
Before, I thought that at most she was a "wet nurse"
but in fact she might turn out to be a good mother
Daddy, I haven't slept at your place for so long
Actually, I really want to sleep here
Then you should tell Mommy that
Mommy says she doesn't want me to see you so much
Otherwise, I'll start becoming more like you
She said your films are all Category III
and they're not suitable for children
The films you made before
I actually told my classmates about them
But none of them have heard of the titles
Their families only let them go see
stuff like "Lord of the Rings" and "infernal Affairs"
Daddy, what was the name of your last film?
"Sudan Red vs. Malachite Green"
But my classmates have never heard of it
In this world, there are many kinds of movies
Some are shot more expensively
some are not so expensive
Daddy right now's making movies that are not so expensive
It's cheaper, so there's less money
less promotion, fewer cinemas will show them
so fewer people know
But Mary who sits next to me said
all film premieres are featured on the "Entertainment Scoop" program
So whenever Mommy works late
I turn on the TV to watch the program
but I never see them feature one of your films
Daddy, can you ask "Entertainment Scoop"
to feature one of your films next time?
So even if I can't watch the film
I can still tell my classmates that
my daddy's film was on "Entertainment Scoop".
OK. I promise
Don't forget your promise!
Sleep tight
Hey, sorry. I didn't bring my own clothes
I found these in your closet. Do you mind?
Of course not. My ex-wife left them here
As long as you don't find them too tight
It's OK
Seems you like playing video games
Yup. I'm not good at much except playing video games
Come on, that's not true
When I was a little girl, I thought
I'd become a video game designer
But apparently you must be good at maths. And I'm not
You're kidding. You wanted to be a video game designer?
May I ask what kind of game would you design?
Don't you think holding this game controller
is kinda like giving someone a handjob?
So I was thinking
there should be a game that helps people jerk off
Mind if you explain how you'd make a jerking off game?
Why not?
You owe people lots of money
so the player must clear the debt by working at a massage parlour
That's fucking sad. What's so fun about it?
What's not fun about it?
You need to give handjobs to clear your debt
so you gotta do it fast
If you do it quickly and accurately
you can earn promotions and keep your clients
If your techniques aren't right, you will hurt your wrists
and you'll get less business
You have a point
But nobody will play your game
Why?
Liking video games
doesn't mean you'll also like jerking off
If you like giving handjobs
then why not work at a real massage parlour?
Why play a video game?
Not necessarily.
My friends wouldn't help their moms with the cooking
but they'd play Cooking Mama in the living room
Maybe some guys would buy it
to train their girlfriends
Sounds like you did your research
Yes, once I have lots of money
I will start developing this video game
Hey, are you really gonna give me a role?
Really, newcomers like you
think you'd get a role just by sleeping around
I'll ask you this:
last time, you slept with assistant director Sunny Luk
did he give you a role?
He said he didn't have a role for me yet
Fuck him - he's already working as a director
You know what he's most worried about?
He's scared of people gossiping
So what does he do?
He won't let you go on set
So why would he give you a role ?
And you?
I'm a producer. It's different
Gossips don't bother me
But it's fucking hard to even begin shooting
If I can make one, Hlgetyouin
Actually, you're not the first to promise me a role
and then bring me to god knows where
But...
you're the first who's willing to tell me the truth
I'm sorry
I'm not that interested in your private life
I wanna know - did you really fuck that donkey?
Miss
it means you haven't been paying attention
See, mules and donkeys are different
A mule is the result of a horse and a donkey fucking. Understand?
You guys are not interested at all in
what happens between me and the girl?
Go back to talk about the mule
Right, let's humor everyone and talk about the mule?
But surely you want to know
why Popping Candy is called Popping Candy?
Why then?
The reason Popping Candy is called Popping Candy is because
she has a secret weapon
What is it?
Exploding
Candy
mouth
Half a year ago
Producer
thanks for the meal today
No problem
Just now, you taught me lots of things
I'm lucky to have listened to you
Otherwise, I really would have taken that role
Since I'm a newcomer, I've got a lot to learn
I really thought that film was a 3D movie
If it's in 3D, then it should be a big production
You got it all wrong
"3D" doesn't mean it's filmed in 3D
You can already tell by looking at its title:
"The Avenger in...
...33D"
That's too small for you
Without you, I wouldn't know what to do
As a newcomer, you already fulfill one basic requirement
You have a sweet tongue
How do you know my tongue is sweet?
In this industry, these are the most important words
"Rely on your mouth"
Just look at me
There are many ways to use the mouth
One of them is... If you're good enough
you can get twice the result with half the effort
My mouth can learn pretty fast
As a producer, I always like to instruct newcomers
Wait a sec
What?
Let me find my popping candy first
Why do you want candy right now?
I have something else for you
It's not for me. It's for you!
I have diabetes. I can't eat too much sugar
I'm not normally this quick
You're already not bad
So far, only one person
can stand it for more than a minute
Really? How did he manage to hold it in?
He... Actually I can't say he could hold it either
I blew him for five minutes
but saw that he had no reaction
I was gonna compliment him
but then I realised that he'd had a stroke
I was pretty lucky then
Hey, hey. It's hard again
Do you have any more popping candy?
Auntie, who are you looking for?
What did you say?
Where's To Wai-cheung?
Producer, someone's looking for you
Excuse me, you should take off your shoes
Aren't you ashamed?
What?
You bring some tramp home in front of your daughter?
Hey, you can yell at me, but don't insult others
She's not a tramp
This is my friend Popping...
What's your name?
Tsui Ka-yan
Your daughter's here, and you bring a teenage girl home?
Are you nuts? How much older than your daughter is she?
That's why we don't have a generation gap Jacqueline...
Smart move. You even managed to talk back to a barrister
Bye-bye, Daddy
I'll visit you again next week
My letter of attorney states clearly
If you don't pay your alimony
you will never see your daughter again
Let's go, Jacqueline
Bye-bye, Big Sis
Bye-bye. Bye-bye
Come over here
Do you remember what Mommy told you?
You forgot
When you touch dirty things at Daddy's place
you must wash your hands
Open your hands
Sing Happy Birthday
Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you...
Just ignore her
I'm thinking
I know
Hey I'm really thinking about something serious
Don't bother me now
I'm not bothering your brain
The upper and lower half aren't related
Your upper half can keep on thinking
I'll "pop" the bottom half
What did you just say?
Your upper half can keep on thinking.
I'll "pop" the lower half
Not that, before
The upper and lower half are not related?
Sorry. I'm not normally that quick
Aren't you deceiving your audience?
Yum Yum, you make it sound so serious
With the advancements in technology
Even "Avatar" could make a guy turn into a blue creature
We can paste your head onto a newcomer's body
No big deal, right?
Your face is still so attractive
and she has an hourglass figure
Sorry, all this talk is making me hard
Will it really work?
I'm really hard now. Of course it works
Idiot, I mean the film
Why won't it work?
You coupled with her will be so sexy
How about the lead actor? Who are you looking for?
You have any suggestions?
Chow Yun-fat?
Of course, he'd be perfect
But his schedule is booked for the next three years
I thought of a potential candidate
He's on a similar level
He's like the Chow Yun-fat of Hong Kong Cat III films
Who is he?
Hiro Hayama!
Coffee, thanks. OK
Don't speak so loud, OK?
Your name is bigger than my voice
How can I not speak up?
I'm shy
If you're shy, then I'm autistic
I have exploding body parts phobia. I'm still taking medicine
Don't ask me to make another Cat Ill film
This is not like your last film
Firstly, no Vonnie Lui this time
So no bodies will suddenly explode
Secondly, I guarantee your cock from beginning to the end
won't get cut off
You sure there are no exploding body parts?
I ensure you that everyone will be normal and caring
Well I can consider it
Yes!
So how many partners will I have?
If it's an orgy then I need to charge extra
Well this is where it gets tricky, so keep it a secret
In principle, there are two lead actresses
One is a famous star, Yum Yum Shaw. The other is...
Wait, wait. Yum Yum Shaw? Who's that?
Shaw Brothers' No.1 porn star
Even before they see her face
her name alone
would give half the audience hard-ons
I'm getting hard too just talking about it
She was very popular backthen
Back then? When was that?
Back when the Da Da department store was still in Mongkok
I wasn't in Hong Kong then
Poor you
You didn't get to see Yum Yum Shaw's golden years
She was like Hong Kong's Ai lijima
But your actual partner
is a newcomer, Tsui Ka-yan
P°PDing Candy?
So you are acquianted with her
then everything is easy
Mr. To
Why do you think Playboy condom should sponsor your film?
Well, this is is a Category III film
Lots of epic lovemaking scenes
People change condoms more than they change clothes
If Playboy can't sponsor us
I don't know who else you could sponsor
Are you kidding?
"Confession of Two Concubines" is a period film
There wew condoms backthen?
Although it's a period piece
what's really popular now is the time travel concept
So adding this will totally fit
What time travel? It's still just porn
Who's the main actress?
We can't reveal her name yet
but I will give you a surprise
A superstar, a Hong Kong Film Award winner
An award-winner who agrees to strip?!
Who is the partner, the main actor?
It's Hiro Hayama
Lately his image isn't so good
He split with his girlfriend
and she called him a fast shooter
Aren't you afraid he's going to aff negatively?
It's exactly because he's fast. That's why I'm pitching you
Why's that?
Think about it. Hiro Hayama is at the premiere
Reporters will ask why he comes so fast
What should he say? I'll tell him to say
"it's because I use Playboy condoms
They're so thin, it's like I'm wearing nothing at all
so I can't help but come too fast!"
Think about it. Once guys hear that
all the fuckers will rush out to buy 'em
For guys, I get it
But wouldn't this give a bad impression to our female customers?
I'm not gonna care that much about the female customers
Those who buy condoms are men
Have you personally seen a woman buying condoms before?
Not even once
Excuse me, Mr. To
Yes?
We all turned off ourceﬂphones
But you've been busy texting
Aren't you disrespecting us?
Let me finish this SMS first
I don't agree with what you said
Professor Cheng gets paid a salary to speak to you
but I'm not paid
There's no reason why I should give up my business just to talk to you
No problem, please don't blame these kids
It's because they're young
so we need to teach them
Otherwise they'll turn out horrible
Take my assistant. I treated her too nicely
So?
That's why I got in trouble
Hi
When is Blackie Tak coming?
I don't know
No worries, let me give him a call
How can you work like this?
I told you to call him to come up ages ago
Why do you let your responsibilities nosedive?
I'm in a hurry to talk to him
You didn't call him yesterday?
Why are you still looking at me?
I hired you to arrange my schedule
Can I ask you what you have arranged for me?
In fact I did arrange something for you
I've arranged a meeting for you
with Miss Leung. Over there!
Leung who?
Just some government person
Nothing... It's very simple
I'm done for the day
Am off to the movies. Bye bye
What movie?
A Western film, called
"Have a Nice Meeting". Goodbye
What the hell?
Hello, Mr. To
I'm Ms. Leung. From the Equal Opportunities Commission
Do you mind if I record this?
Go ahead
I came here to investigate an office sexual harassment case
Your staff, Ms. Quin Lau
asked us for help two weeks ago
According to her verbal statement
you have previously sexually harassed her twice
What are you talking about?
When did I sexually harass her?
The first time was at 3pm on the 8th of this month
After you came back from the insurance company meeting
because of your failure to get sponsorship
you abused her verbally
The second time was at 9pm on the 19th
You left a message on her phone after work
and repeated those unreasonable requests
with language involving
female reproductive organs and oral sex
Wait, wait... What did I say?
This is the statement by Miss Lau
When did I tell her to go "muff diving"?
Fuck! This overseas Chinese girl is so much trouble
If she doesn't know Chinese, she should learn it
What I said was her work performance is "nosediving"
Mr. To, I have to remind you
this conversation is being recorded
The words you say can be used as evidence in court
Please refrain from any more misleading and discriminatory words
What you just said
implies that you and Ms. Lau had a compromising relationship
Where are you going with this?
What did I say? When did I say that?
"Fucking this overseas Chinese girl is so much trouble"
Mr. To, what you just said clearly implies that
the alleged harassment
came after you had sex with her
I said
"Fuck...This overseas Chinese girl is so much trouble"
You said it again
"Fucking this overseas Chinese girl is so much trouble"
What kind of machine is this?!
I really said, "Fuck", break,
then exclamation mark
"This overseas Chinese girl is so much trouble".
That's it
I clearly heard it without the break
Anyway, we already recorded it
So I have to remind you again
You must think carefully before you speak
Dear Officer Leung
As a man
why would I tell a woman to go...diving?
If I really wanted to harass her, I'd tell her to suck...!
Look at me
And where would I find this...
female...organ for her?
All I said was that her work performance is nosecliving!
According to Ms. Lau's statement
Mr. To, you know Ms. Lau does yoga regularly
And in your voice message,
you told her to get bent
I have reason to believe that
you think her body is more flexible than normal
so she can do that particular movement
Mr. To, I'd like to remind you that
during the investigation, you cannot contact the complainant
and you have no right to fire her
Otherwise we will pass the case to the Labour Department
Fuck! This overseas Chinese girl is so much trouble
"nosediving"
Guangzhou Language Dictionary:
"To nosedive is to make a sudden downward plunge"
"nosediving" refers to
rashness, irresponsibility and lacking seriousness
You cannot contact me. You cannot fire me
"Nosediving" isn't a bad word!
After all this talk, a producer's duty is to look for money and actors
Once the film starts shooting, a producer doesn't do much
All remaining responsibilities go to the director
The way you see it is too simple
Once the movie starts shooting, the producer gets even busier
Producer!
Director!
Why are there so many Indians here?
They're Pakistanis
What's the difference?
You're filming an erotic period film
why do you need so many Indians?
They're illegal workers. I'm trying to help you save on costs
You helping me to save money?
I'm fucking different now
I promise, this film won't go overbudget
Really? Absolutely
The actors have arrived Who?
Take a look and you'll know who it is
Hi
Just say it
I'm making an awesome new film
I expect it'll make at least $50 million
Well, that's how I feel
But along the way there are some difficulties
I need to advance some money first
You know how much I have, which is nearly nothing
It's why I need to talk to you
Do you think the alimony payment can be put on hold for a year?
You're so capable. It won't be a big deal for you
Not that I won't pay it, I will!
But I'd like to do it all in one go
Once the film is released and I have money
I'll even add interests
...and I'd like to borrow $300,000 as well
How many years have we known each other?
Twenty years!
I used to drink malted soy milk
but I'm not gonna drink it forever
During high school
you saw so many movies you couldn't buy lunch
so you borrowed from me
After so many years
you still can't earn a living from movies
Don't you think that's a problem?
No! It's because...
that fucking director, he went overbudget
Otherwise I wouldn't be begging you
OK. I can hold the alimony payment for a year
I'll even lend you that $300,000
But you must promise me one thing
You can't see your daughter for a year
Why can't I see my daughter?
If you really care for her, then you shouldn't see her
You should know yourself clearly
At this age, Jacqueline
will learn everything from her parents, both good and bad
Jacqueline was already congenitally affected by you
She's short. Her IQ is lowered because of you
Fine. These things can't be changed now
But can we not let other affect her?
You let her meet your friends
She shouldn't even see those people
And I don't want you taking her to see them
When was I a bad influence?
I don't want to argue with you
Call me if you want the cheque
How about these malted soy milk?
Save it for your teenage girls
How are you, Yum Yum?
It does fit you well
Cheung, you're really something
You can even think of something like this
What else I can do?
Our boss loves you so much, I have to make it work
Don't worry
Your body-double Tsui Ka-yan is famous for her hourglass figure
Her chest looks like it's carrying two pots
Did you meet her?
Yes, we met. But she's too busy to entertain me
Why?
A young girl like her
would rather fool around with the main actor
Really?
Yamete! Yamete!
Motto Motto
That's right.
Yamete! Motto!
That means "Stop it" and "More"
Actually those are hard to do. You know what I mean?
Hi, Producer
You're finally here. Yes!
I've been waiting all morning and you just arrived
I've been here for a while, but you were busy with others
Hey, Hiro. ls acting that hard?
Even off-screen, you still need to hold hands?
Only because it's in the script
Mr. Hayama is teaching me how to emote
He said it'll give me more film roles
I'm afraid that's not all he wants to give
I'll go for my makeup. You guys chat
Bye
Hey
Thanks for giving me this opportunity
Despite the lovemaking scenes, and the green mask
everyone treats me so well
I feel like this is a new beginning in my career
Thank you
No need to thank me. You have so many friends here
It's like you're home
That's in the past
In my heart there's only you
It's true
Talk to you later
Hey, Producer. Running smoothly?
Very smooth. What's up?
Hey, there's something we should talk about
Brother Tyrannosaurus said this is his first film investment
Is it possible to give a role to his girl?
Which boss doesn't have a girlfriend?
Which boss doesn't want his girl in movies?
I understand. But couldn't this come up earlier?
We shot half of it already
I know, I know. It doesn't matter how big or small the role is
The boss understands, he doesn't mind
It's just a consideration
So fucking troublesome
What clothes you want her to wear?
Just wear nothing then
OK!
What the fuck?
Producer!
What the fuck is that?
This is sister-in-law. You've met before
Didn't I tell you that
Brother Tyrannosaurus wants her in the film?
When?
You said it was for Brother Tyrannosaurus' girl
I said Brother Tyrannosaurus' mule
No, you said it was his girl!
I said his mule!
What?!
Doesn't matter if you heard it wrong or I said it wrong
you know Brother Tyrannosaurus' taste
If it's his girl, then it's a mule!
Also
like you requested,
you asked if she could wear nothing
Now she's wearing nothing. I removed them
So you should talk to the director and give her a better role
She must have some dialogue
but don't give her too much
She has trouble talking
she may get confused
Mr. Lui, what the fuck did I do wrong?
Did I kill your whole family in a previous life?
Or did I fuck you in the ass?
Fuck you
Director, let me introduce a brand new star to you
A huge change is coming to the film industry
What's up?
Daddy, did you go to jail?
Why am I in jail?
Mommy said you'll go overseas for a while
Even next year I won't get to see you
Mary said she saw many movies with a similar plot
It means daddy has gone to jail
Daddy, what did you do wrong?
Don't listen to your mom. She's crazy
What jail? Daddy just needs to go overseas to make a film
Daddy, although I'm not very smart, I'm not stupid either
Don't lie to me
You won't see me for so long, so you must be going to jail
Mary said she saw many films about prisons
She said that if daddy goes to jail
I must tell you to be careful of one thing
Careful of what?
She said if you take a shower and drop your soap
don't bend down to pick it up
Otherwise, something horrible will happen
I asked her whether a ghost would appear
but she wouldn't say
So I think it must be something really horrible
So Daddy, remember not to bend down
Remember
Daddy promises you two things
First, Daddy's not going to jail
and I'll be able to see you
Second, in case Daddy really goes to jail
I won't bend down to pick up the soap
Even if I drop the soap, I simply just won't shower. OK?
OK
Bye bye
This is Barrister Tsang Lai-fun, I can't answer your call right now
Please leave your message after the tone
Three things:
One: The thing I asked you before?
Pretend I never said it
I'll pay the alimony
Two: I won't give up seeing Jacqueline
Three: Jacqueline is not really that short
Hey, Brother Hiro!
Fireworks Lau, why you are here?
Long time no see. Blackie Tak asked me to work here
Hey, ever since "Sexy Zen"
we haven't seen each other for some time
Yes, a few months
Things are so dull now
The props crew always want to go for a massage
What massage? It's just a "special massage"
What's so great about getting a hand job?
Every guy knows how to do it
If you can't "blow" your load
then you should consult Fireworks Lau, right?
So I asked those props guys
Why pay someone to give you hand jobs?
They say it's a different experience getting a handjob
If you do it yourself, then you know everything
like where to shoot and when it's almost ready. So boring!
Hey, they are props experts
If they encounter a problem, why can't they find a solution?
Later, I worked it out. Do you want to know how?
Brother Hiro! O2:15:59:07 O2:15:59:26 PO Pauline!
Good morning. Other tea ladies give you green tea
because you're Japanese
But if you really liked Japan
they why would you come to Hong Kong?
So I made you
pu'er tea
Thanks Enjoy!
Do you want to know? Wanna know? You want to!
I only recommend it to friends like you
It's so easy: find a hard chair
put your hands on the chair, and sit on them!
10 minutes
until your hands have no blood circulation and feel tingly
Your hands won't feel like yours
This is when you start to jerking off
The feeling is really amazing
Think about it, they are your hands
but they won't feel like your hands
Interesting, right? Isn't it a great idea?
I even thought of patenting this method
I asked a lawyer, who said applying for a patent is easy
The problem is how to charge people money
They won't tell others afterwards. What can I do?
I don't know. I need to go back to work
If you can't think of a solution, then try it first. OK?
Try it tonight. I won't charge you until after you try it
What the fuck?
How could you order chicken rice without any chicken wings?
Hey! You lied to me?
How did I lie to you?
You said there'd be no exploding body parts
Why would we suddenly have exploding body parts?
Then why is Fireworks Lau here?
What fireworks? How come I don't know?
Stop pretending. I'm not shooting any more
Hey, listen to me first
Go away!
Cheung! Cheung!
Producer? Producer?
He's awake!
Cheung! Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Cheung!
We're shooting tomorrow?
What film? The film already wrapped
Huh? So fast?
It's not fast. You passed out for three months
So fucking long?
Yeah. Did you know how dangerous it was?
Your heart stopped several times
Like a dead fish
The doctor told us to stimulate you
play you your favourite music
and have people talk into your ears
But there were no reactions at all
Luckily, Yan was there
What did you say to me?
I swallowed some popping candy
and went "bulubulu" to your ears
Yeah. And it worked! Once you heard the popping candy sound
your heart would start beating like crazy
The doctor was shocked
No wonder
I kept dreaming about your popping candy blowjobs
But in fact, you were really
just going "bulubulu" next to me
No, actually, when the nurses were not around
I really did blow you
You are so good to me
Why would I treat you badly?
You're the only person in the industry I truly wanted to blow
How about Hiro Hayama?
There's nothing between us
Don't lie to me
I always saw you two together on the set
whispering to each other
You two must have something
What? I was only chatting with him
He volunteered to help me translate my proposal
What proposal?
It's the jerking off video game I kept on talking about
I've been talking about it for years
Now I finally have a proposal
So he helped to translate it for me
and even sent it to a Japanese video game company
They're interested!
Next week I'm flying to Tokyo to meet them
Oh that's great!
Cheung, it's good that you woke up
Blackie Tak has already finished editing the film
Tomorrow Brother Tyrannosaurus will come down to see it
Fantastic!
All done!
Excellent! I'm so happy
I woke up and it's all fucking done!
What? The film's still finished?
So why do they need you?
Of course we were done
But the real problems started after that
Great! Great film!
Which genius took my goddess Yum Yum's head
and pasting it onto a teenage girl's body?
I did, Brother Tyrannosaurus
Producer, what's your family origins?
Hakka
(in Hakka) You fucking asshole
I fucking wanted to see my goddess Yum Yum's nipples
Why not replace her head with the girl's instead?
Your taste is so extreme?
Brother Tyrannosaurus
Modern technology is very advanced
We can re-do the whole film on a computer
How about I use a computer to redo your mother?
I wanted to make "Confessions of Two Concubines"
How did it turn into this al-Qaeda stuff?
Brother Tyrannosaurus, the fact is
When the film was half-finished, I was in a coma
The director got a bit creative and amended parts of it
Also!
My woman...
Big Brother, please don't be so sad
Brother Tyrannosaurus, regarding Sister-in-Law's accident
we deeply express our regret
I still remember
That day, you were begging me
to let my woman perform
I never thought that when I sent her off
it would be the last time I see her
Who was looking after her?
Do you know how to make a films?!
We really followed strict safety requirements
But I don't know why the donkey walked into that explosion heap
She's not a donkey!
Mule!
No!
Sister-in-Law!
Sister-in-Law
No one wants to see this film
This film is actually using a postposition approach
to pass through illusion and reality
Those post-90s kids will like it
Can you stop talking shit?
Post-90s? Post 90 years old!
Burn the film!
I can't fucking stand
people watching my woman blow up
Keung, we're going straight back to Guangxi
Call up everyone
Get a hall full of tables for my woman's memorial
Tell the restaurant to save some cow bliss for us
What about the snow peas?
Snow peas are for frying with pig's pussy. That's the correct recipe!
So what's cow's pussy fried with?
Preserved vegetables!
Fucking remember that
So what happens?
Yeah, what can you do?
Yes, what happens next?
In order to change Brother Tyrannosaurus' mind, it's simple
If we get audiences to become aware of this film
then we have a chance
But he told you to burn it
How would audiences know about it?
Just like I said earlier
at this very moment, you should ask yourself
what would you sacrifice for your film?
Producer, can you tell us then
what you have sacrificed?
Today, I sacrificed myself
for the interest of this film
I told all of you
my most shameful, hidden secrets
I revealed them all
Producer, we only have a few hundred people here
It's not gonna help much
There's something you don't know
You underestimate your students
After I told you to turn off the cameras
your students have been using their phones to record me
Some of them even posted it online immediately
Really? I didn't notice
Even in the last hour, I've been receiving
non-stop texts from magazine reporters
Moreover, our director Blackie Tak
has already posted the trailer online
In just an hour it got tens of thousands of hits
Amazing. You're good!
By the W3V
you mentioned the mule...remember?
You want to know if I fucked the mule, right?
Yes! Did you?
OK. Let me tell you the truth
I really lost that footage
FUCK you!
On the internet,Confessions of Two Concubines became a hot topic
Brother Tyrannosaurus changed his mind and agreed to release the film
Following the momentum we had built up
it can be said that our premiere was starry, colourful and impressive
Hey, we're waiting for your signature
Hurry up, Producer. Thank you, Boss
For this film, I gave up a lot
I want to dedicate this film to my lover
Big Brother, Big Brother!
Don't be so sad, Big Brother!
Hey, time's up. The film is about to start
Hey, hurry up
OK, I'm coming
I have never missed my own premiere
because filmmaking is a kind of vanity
You work so hard just so that, after the lights go down
we receive everyone's applause
Producer To, can we we have a quick chat?
Sorry, I' ve never been late before
Just a few words!
We're from "Entertainment Scoop"
What do you want to talk about?
There are plenty of mules
Brother Tyrannosaurus later found a new lover
He's no longer angry with us
Due to the success of "Confessions of Two Concubines"
Blackie Tak and I have been making one film after another
The "Confessions" series has reached its seventh instalment
"The Question of Concubines"
which was the runner-up for the Most Popular Erotic Film
at Italy's Udine Far East Film Festival
Finally we are being appreciated
A Japanese company not only bought
Popping Candy's game
She even became the game's representative
Look at her. What's she doing?
Is a thousand-hand goddess necessary for handjobs?
Once I have free time
I'll take Jacqueline with me to visit her in Japan
Of course,I won't forget to carry some popping candy with me
But there's one thing I really want to figure out
Imagine that everything is slowing down, slowing down
Your memory returns back to that night
Everything becomes slow, very slow
Your memory returns back to that night
Everything is slowing down, slowing down
What can you see now?