[train horn honking]
♪ Well, you know where I use my path ♪
♪ I'm a woman There's no time to talk ♪
♪ Loud music and warm women ♪
♪ I've been kicked Since I was born ♪
♪ And now it's okay It's okay ♪
♪ And you might look the other way ♪
♪ We can try to understand ♪
♪ The New York Times effect on humans ♪
♪ Are you a brother? Or are you a mother ♪
♪ You stay alive, stay alive ♪
♪ Feel the city breakin & apos; And everyone shakin & apos; ♪
♪ And we stay alive ♪
- One or two? - Let me get three
Three.
How do you feel, Tracy
Who is Tracy?
♪ Stay alive ♪
♪ Well, now I'm going down and I'm tall ♪
♪ And if I'm also can't get it I'm really trying ♪
♪ Got the wings of heaven in my shoes ♪
Do you do layaway
What, what am I looks like a banker for you?
I just made love to you
What?
♪ Are you a brother? Or are you a mother ♪
♪ You stay alive, stay alive ♪
♪ Feel the city breakin & apos; And everyone shakin & apos; ♪
♪ And we stay, stay alive
♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah ♪
♪ Stay alive ♪
Aaah
[cheering, clapping]
Yes!
Blast!
Wow. That's a lot of love.
Yes, thank you
Thank you very much. Thank you.
We can do it.
Everyone here knows I got hit With that pesky Walmart truck.
It could have been worse.
I could have been hit by a Bob Discount Furniture truck.
You know they have no bad luck. </ P>
Encouraged by some men named Rico. No license, no insurance. </ P>
No registration
INS is on his ass. </ P>
Saat berada di kursi roda itu, Saya masih berbelanja di Walmart.
You still can't beat the price.
After my settlement, everything went up by one cent.
I'm still here. I didn't go down. But you know I'm not unlucky.
You know I'm not bad luck.
Because you know that expression, "Only the good are young."
God saw them angels taking me through the pearl gate, he said, "Uh-eh.
Bring the bastard back down.
He will do a total of 89 years, Damn he did in third grade. </ P>
Put a bag of doo-doo on the teacher's desk. </ P>
Just because he disappoints him < br /> in Social Studies. "
When I'm in heaven, I see some people I know.
I saw Biggie Smalls. He looks good, losing weight.
Get diabetes under control, you know?
Elvis Presley still looks like bullshit
Can't leave fried food alone.
Ol & apos; Dirty Bastard already has ten new children. </ P>
Michael Jackson told me what really happened. </ P>
He said, "Tracy, I died in that damn Pepsi ad. "</ P>
But the soup train was very good they had a similar look,
and the bastard went crazy. </ P>
Start dangling the baby from the window.
Namin & apos; & apos; em Blankets and blankets.
Then he starts telling me something about Lato and Bubbles.
I said, "Michael, I don't want to hear this.
Start from a bad place. "
I see some people there that I don't like.
I saw a man owed me money when he was alive
I asked God, "How can he enter heaven? He owes me money."
He said, "Your stupid donkey is the only who lent it to him.
Everyone knows Luther doesn't pay back.
He's a crackhead. He's got an illness.
Now take your ass back to earth and be smarter with your money. "
And I said, " God works in a mysterious way. "
He also has questions for me.
One day he took out his cellphone and showed me your picture
Kim Kardashian naked on Instagram
He said, "How can he be the titties and the ass?
I didn't give it to him.
And why did he show it? all over the world
She's a married woman with two children.
Alright. At least she doesn't have it Ray J contingent inside him. "
[laughs]
When I'm in that coma, I see white light.
But I don't go For that I think it's a cop. </ P>
I have warrants, man. </ P>
You can't enter heaven with priors. </ P>
Everything is included in the ledger. </ P>
Everything. </ P>
After my coma, right, before the accident...
I was able swear it's three Kardashians, Kim, Khloé and Kourtney.
And after I'm out of coma, six of them are bastards.
And one of them won the decathlon in 1976.
Being in the Wheaties box like this.
Caitlyn is a hot MILF. I will fuck shit out of her.
Caitlyn can get this dick. I will fuck shit out of him. </ P>
I'll get pregnant. </ P>
You know I'm old school. I don't pull out. </ P>
He may not have a vagina now, But when I finish sleeping with him, he will do it. </ P>
Prolaps dirt from the boot hole. </ P>
This is Caitlyn's butt here. </ P >
He has to go to the hospital use the kilt
"Um, excuse me, My donkey is hanging on my ass."
"You mean, "Do you suffer from hemorrhoids?" </ P>
"No, my ass is hanging on my ass." </ P>
"Oh, you have colitis." </ P>
! "
"What's your name?" "Caitlyn." </ P>
"How do you say it, with & apos; C & apos; K & apos;" "
" Bruce, bitch! "</ P>
I have severe injuries, you know?
Traumatic brain injury.
Look at every bone in my face, my ribs.
I destroy my thigh bone.
And through all that, I asked my doctor, I said,
"Is my penis okay?
I don't need a thigh bone, bastard. I need my dick. "</ P>
That would be terrible if you came out coma and doctor to be like,
" Father Morgan, your penis is cut off. "
I'll be like," Well, I'll be back in this comma, bastard.
Kill me, bastard < br /> What am I doing alive? "
I sue everyone.
Hospital, doctor, especially my wife
Because she always calls me selfless bastards.
Your pen is missing
And you are trying to be normal here.
Goin & apos; to the club, try to pick up a woman,
know that You can't do anything for them. </ P>
"Hey, what, honey? </ P>
Why don't you come to my house? </ P>
so I can rug- burn and scissors dirt from you
We will start the campfire Rub these coochies together.
Come on. Let's rub it.
Keep rubbing
Oh, keep rubbing.
Oh, rub it. "
I'm from ghetto, man. I'm from the ghetto. </ P>
Dan setelah saya keluar dari koma, Aku buta selama seminggu.
And where I come from, you don't want to be blind for a second.
All kinds of garbage start to disappear in my hospital room
One day my uncle trying to walk out with my fucking heart monitor.
I said, "Michael, where did you go with my heart machine?"
He said, <br "Oh. I only held it for you." </ P>
Trying to sell it to another hospital. </ P>
"Put back my heart machine, you fucking crackhead . "
When I came out of a coma,
My whole family came to the hospital to visit me just to say that they loved me.
My whole family came to tell me they love me. </ P>
Kecuali untuk nenekku.
Like every other black woman, All she cares about is education.
I'm like, "Grandma...
I succeeded.
I survived. "
He said," Good. Now you can go back and get your GED
Do something with yourself. You get a second chance. "</ P>
I said," But, Grandma, I'm in Rock. "</ P>
He said," If you have your GED, you
Go get your fucking GED.
Get your damn GED. "
Now, he's one of those old Southern women. < br /> Church and shit, you know?
So he always prays.
One morning I woke up, he was praying for me.
Dan saya bilang, "Nenek, berhenti berdoa untukku.
I have died and gone to heaven and spoke to God. "
He said," What did he say? "
I said," God said, & apos; Tell your grandmother to close the fuck up!
Between him and Tim Tebow, I can't sleep well.
The world is on fire and I'm too tired to get rid of this.
Jesus, turn on the music damn it. "
He-she is a Jehovah's Witness. My grandmother is a Jehovah's Witness.
Yes I know. I know.
If you think it's messed up when they pop Get to your house at 8:00 a.m.,
it's worse when they pop up on Hospital bed and thigh bone You break. </ P>
You can't run away from them. </ P>
Those damn Watchtower magazine are starting to pile up.
He came to my hospital room, I pretended I was back in a coma.
"He is moving." "No, no." </ P>
In a coma. </ P>
Then he starts singing they are black people. </ P>
♪ God, Lord, Lord ♪
God, God, God ♪
Even at home, he sings this crap. </ P>
♪ God, God, God ♪
♪ Mm-mmm ♪
I said, "Grandma, stop it. <
You are not in the field of picking cotton.
You are at home in your kitchen making a grilled cheese sandwich
for your grandchildren. "
Because he is a Civil Rights activist.
One time he even marched 30 miles
just to sit in a restaurant
and have lunch with people white skin who hates his black ass.
So you know there's nothing I can do about removing him from my hospital room
There is no & apos;.
But it's good to have relatives around you when you're recovering like that,
Because they give you strength and the motivation to be better. </ p >
Just as long as you get away from from their ass again
You know your motivation when you first go home.
"I have to get rid of it from all of you crazy bastards
I will do this Thanksgiving and Christmas,
tapi aku tidak akan melakukan ini dari hari ke hari. Tidak!"
I fear the most to come see me
My Flossie's aunt.
Because she didn't come see me because she cares about me.
He just wants to be in the middle from some nonsense family
He is an aunt who is always in the middle of family nonsense.
I know he's in the hospital before he comes to my room
Because I heard his voice in the waiting room
"Who are you calling to?"
He is the most judgmental, Means good I know.
Like, he will sit on the chair in the corner of my hospital room
and judge everyone who came in that room to see me
"Who is this bitch?
with these nylon stockings and this tight dress?" <
"Flossie, that's my nurse."
"Is that so? Is that so? He looks like the chicken sucks at me.
Cluck, cluck.
He doesn't have to be rubbin & apos; to you.
Rubbin & apos; your arms go up and down, say everything will be fine
Touch on you you're married, Tracy
He is a ho.
He put & apos; ho & apos; on ho-spital. "
Just judging
My grandmother 84 year now.
When he was 72 years old, he returned and gave him a GED.
And we are very proud of him.
We are very proud.
We have a party for him and everything. A big party with family.
He sits in a corner, "That slut is still stupid." </ p >
"That's your mother, Flossie."
"Is that so? I see?
Will he go to college now?
How can he get there, Underground Railway? "
He's just disgusted.
Nobody in my family is like that.
He even intended for her husband, Bobby.
Bobby is my favorite uncle. He's a good person. </ P>
He's a butcher. He can't read and write. </ P>
You know how he introduced it to people else?
"Hi, this is my husband, Bobby. He is limited. "
Just to make love to him, he will do bad luck, like on Christmas day,
he will make him put the children's toys together know he can't read the instructions
He will go, "Hey, Bobby, put the children's toys together.
Bobby sits there with instructions that are struggling.
When they tie them to the gurney, he will appear and leave, "See you tomorrow." </ p >
But he has three older brothers.
We call him Uncle Jailbird because I don't know this bastard.
His final conviction,
he was arrested for stealing iPods from several children at the bus stop.
The judge gave him three years extra to steal obsolete technology.
Stupid nobles </ p >
His first conviction,
he was arrested for trying to sell cold cuts stolen for prostitutes
on a truck stopped on the New Jersey motorway.
He rolled up the truck and left, "What can I get for a turkey sandwich?"
"Damn, I didn't suck your dick not to eat meat during the day."
But selling all those pussy, you're hungry
Before you know That, there's a line of prostitutes outside the truck.
"Can I buy a salami sandwich?"
He turned the window down and left, "I know you will come back.
I know your whore is back. "
The pimps are chewing it.
The prostitute is too swollen to sell pussy, </ p >
of all sodium from cold cuts.
They knocked on his buttocks. "We have to take him out of here.
Bring him out of this parking lot. < br /> He must go.
This is a truck stop, damn it. We sell nice pussy here.
These girls work hard, damn it. "
In his sentence, a judge asked him,
"Where did you get the idea? to sell cold stolen pieces to prostitutes
on a truck stop /> on the New Jersey motorway? "
This fool looks at the judge and leaves, " Hos must eat too. "
But he was nervous about Flossie.
One time Flossie went to visit him on a visit, and he was really nervous.
He sat there in the living room trying to make small talk with him.
Saying damn like - [chuckles]
"Thank God today is Friday, isn't it?"
He said, "In prison, every day is Friday for you, bastard
There is no Monday or Tuesday.
There are only days where you can get it screwed in the ass,
and the day you didn't do it. "
He starts shouting at the guards, " Take me out of here!
This is abuse! "
And on the way back to his cell he shouted,
" You'd better hope today is your lucky day and you're upstairs, bastard. "
My family is crazy
Everyone here got that dark side from their family they didn't make love to.
He messed up his head. < br /> Yup, everyone here gets the dark side.
They are bullshit. They only relate to you.
You know who I'm talking about.
You're on your way home on Thanksgiving,
and your father is driving a car and you are in the back seat.
And he turned to leave, "We only have half an hour left."
Those bastards
You'll get there Try to have it A nice dinner, and their house is dirty.
You will eat turkey and crawl a roach on the wall,
and your father goes, "God damn it! Let's go.
This bastard is a savage
It smells like a German shepherd and a donkey here
I don't want to drink water packaging with this bastard
And this chicken is not dead at all.
Let's go. "
Even worse when they come to your house.
12:00 at night, one of them damn cousin is knockin "at the door.
Your mother goes to the door with that dirty evening dress
that rips here and you can see half of the areola.
Big ass areola Looks like He dips his chocolate in chocolate. </ p >
"Who is this?"
"This is me, Jimmy."
"This is Jimmy. This is Jimmy. This is Jimmy. This is Jimmy. "</ P>
Your father a funky-faced bastard. </ P>
Enter this gloomy Fruit Weaving Tool. </ P>
And he underwent surgery at His knee, So he lifted the big knee brace.
And he got up and went to the door limply.
"Damn, Jimmy. </ p >
You stole my damn TV.
That's a nice 27-inch Zenith.
Call the police. Call the police. "
It's family. </ P>
My family is tapped. </ P>
My family is crazy
I have a big family.
And in front of the family are a lot of parents,
and they are starting to die.
And because of settlements I
they think I have to pay for everyone's funeral
And that nonsense is expensive.
I have to sit down those bastards < and go, "Wait a minute.
Some of you niggas have to be cremated.
And that's without a box.
Slide your ass like pizza.
If you want to go to the ground, I'll buy a giant coffin
and rent a deep fridge,
and who even those who died that year, every December walking on the ground.
And if you don't like it, I'll fire you.
Hey, I understand All Black Living Material,
But your niggas must be dead.
And you niggas doesn't matter. "
They're crazy.
I have a lot of aunt who have babies by bastard bastards.
All of them are fucking kids. </ p >
And they think they should put all their kids in fucking college.
You fucked them. You made them.
You pay their school fees.
I'm all for high learning.
But this is not United Niggas College Fund.
If the bastard can't play football basketball or run 4.3 at 40, he fucked.
Don't be angry UPS is hiring.
When I get out of coma, I'm getting deeper.
I want to learn who I am, where I come from
So I'm online and get that ancestral poop.
The results just returned last week. You know, the graph says
25% of Native Americans, 25% African American, 10% Irish
My whole chart just said "Nigga from Brooklyn." </ P>
Hey. </ P>
I come from a long line from niggas from Brooklyn
I'm from the project.
For all white people here who don't know what it is,
Do you remember the movie The Lion King?
When Mufasa was talking to Simba, and he said,
"All the light touched ours." </ P>
And Simba said, "What is the dark area that? "
He said," That's the project, nigga.
You don't go there, bastard. Keep your ass here at Pride Rock.
Do you understand me?
That's where pit bulls and the Latin King.
Your Uncle Scar is the Latin King.
That's how he cut his head.
Keep Your ass is here at Pride Rock. "
I'm from the ghetto, man. The ghetto is crazy
- [people's shouting, unclear] - Ghetto is crazy
Not from TripAdvisor LLC having a normal name no longer
Since then Five Percent religion came,
bastards changed their names to names that doesn't even fit their personality.
Like I know a dude named Knowledge, doesn't know anything
Motherfucker named Universe who never leaves the neighborhood around.
I know one bastard named Unique, have identical twin brothers
Crazy bastard
[clears throat]
When I was in the hospital, all my friends from Brooklyn called me, man.
Jay Z called me.
- Chris Rock called me - [ woman] We love you, Tracy!
And I love you too.
Let me see your titty now.
[laughter]
As I said, all my friends from Brooklyn are called, you know? </ P>
All my friends from Brooklyn call. Jay Z calls. Call Chris Rock </ p >
Exclaimed Eddie Murphy. Call Mike Tyson
Yeah, Mike. Mike called me He said, "Tracy."
I said, "Who is this?" He said, "I, Mike Tyson. </ P>
When I got home from the hospital, I will come visit you
Kita bisa menerbangkan merpati dan mendapatkan tato wajah yang serasi. "
I said, "No, you won't come to my house, Mike
My brain has been messed up. I don't need your crazy rubbin from me.
I got hit by a truck, right. I'm not stupid. "</ P>
When I came out of a coma, I acted erratically. </ P>
I acted very erratically And the doctor told my wife,
"Madam Morgan, that's the trauma of her brain."
And my wife looked at the doctor and said, "Well. </ P>
No
Nigga is always crazy." </ P>
[clapping, cheering]
"I hope the accident <
Like old TV that you can't get pictures to work God damn, come on.
Archie Bunker's comic at.
♪ Boys, how to play Glenn Miller ♪
My brain is really messed up, man. It's really chaotic, man.
I'm remember coming out of coma, This Donna Summer song is in my head.
For some reason, I understand This Donna Summer song is in my head, man.
But I can't remember his words All day long, just singing this fucking Donna -
[humming songs]
♪ On the radio ♪
All day, just singing this nonsense. </ P>
[humming songs]
♪ On the radio ♪
I can't remember the words and that scares me.
I say to myself, if I don't remember words for this, or simple nonsense,
they will never let me get out of this hospital
All day long.
[humming songs]
♪ On the radio ♪
And then I realized.
I never knew those damn words for the song
I don't think Donna Summer knows the words < br /> for the song, and he wrote the song.
I tell you though, man,
When I was in the hospital, I masturbated constantly.
That's all I do all day. Beat this dick.
That's the only part of my body it works
This dick is defeated
I beat this dick like he owes me.
[mumbles] Give me my dirty back.
My cock issued a restraining order in my right hand
I ripped my rotator cuff on my left arm beatin> on this dick
Must have a Tommy John operation.
One day, the heart machine rang. < br /> The nurse came running in.
I was there defeating him.
They said someone needed to teach Solitaire the mother bastard or whatever.
Crosswords or something. </ P>
I do physical therapy. </ P>
Do physical therapy. I keep my physical therapist close to me. </ P>
Because my wife and I plan get married when everything is OK. </ P>
I want to take my wife down the aisle. </ P>
- Without crutches. Without a stick - [cheering, clapping]
So I held it near me. But when he came to my house for the first time,
physical therapist, I opened the door and I was like, "Wow."
This white woman is 6 & apos; 1 ".
Blue eyes, blonde hair And I never saw a white woman with booty like this.
Yes. Big, nice, fat, small waist.
It looks like he swallowed hard a young black girl from Harlem.
Cursing.
An amazon Can I get me?
Ah, she's beautiful. I mean, I remember one day -
One time she bowed in front of me, I saw, like, a five inch crack in the ass. </ p >
And it's beautiful. It feels like watching the sun set.
I feel I should be lying hammock,
sippin & apos; on piña colada.
Beautiful scenery to witness.
Beautiful ass This will inspire young black men to stay in school
One day I suffered damage to the wardrobe and my cock has come out.
And the mouth on my dick Grinning at him.
Then he starts singing for him.
[humming songs]
♪ On the radio ♪
And he will give me a job. </ P>
This woman really forced me out.
He was dedicated to getting me on my feet
He worked me out sittin & apos; between my legs and stretched out my body.
And rubbed my muscles and relaxed my muscles.
And I will look at him.
And I began to fall in love with him.
I started to have feelings for him.
Tapi itu tidak benar. Itu hanya sindrom.
This is called Florence Nightingale syndrome.
True story. Florence Nightingale was a nurse in the Crimean War in the 1800s.
He will take care of all wounded soldiers back together,
and they will fall in love with him. </ P>
And that happened to me. </ P>
And one day my wife saw that nonsense.
He said, "What is happening?
And why is your penis singing? & apos; On Radio & apos; to him?"
I said, "No, dear. I'm sorry.
I don't love him. I love you.
I don't mean it. I love you. </ P>
It's just a syndrome. It's called Florence Nightingale syndrome. "</ P>
Dia berkata, "Ya, bajingan, coba tebak. Saya juga mendapat sindrom.
This is called the Big Dick Mailman syndrome.
Dan Pool Pooler Pussy-eatin syndrome. "
I said," Do you have a double syndrome?
Can I watch? "
My speech therapist is a good woman. He helped me out, helped my life.
You know, I keep it close to me because
I want to take the oath of to my wife in our marriage properly.
I want to say "I know," and not "Fuck you."
So he works very close to me.
And because of brain trauma, some it's dark, and some days are fine.
I remember one day , he came on a dark day,
and he said, "Father Morgan, I want for you
to repeat after me, okay?
Say, & apos; The man is in the corner. & apos; Okay? Say that. </ P>
"The man is on the corner." "
And I said," The man is on the corner. "
He said no. Say, & apos; The person & apos;" -
I said, "Bitch, that's what I'm talking about. </ P>
Everyone can see that guy in the damn corner
Don't talk to me about that damn guy
He has a green jacket? That My Uncle Marvin is in that damn corner.
He sold cold stolen pieces in that damn corner. "
And he saw that he hurt me.
He said," Mr. Morgan, are you OK? " I said, "I'm fine." </ P>
He said, "No, say, me" -
I said, "Bitch, I already said that was what I was talking about."
Then I saw that I was hurting him.
And I said, "You are good okay? "
He said," I'm fine. "
I said, " This whore is playing with my head now.
He tried to get into my head and stay rented for free, damn it.
Okay, you win
The guy is on the corner. "
[laughter]
[applause]
You know what's cool When I'm in my wheelchair.
My daughter is 14 months old , and I can see it taking its first step.
- And there - - [cheering, applause]
Yes, thank you </ p >
I have to see it.
That's important for a man.
It inspired me to get out of my wheelchair, and I took my first step.
So now, me and my daughter walk hand in hand to live. <
Because we learn how to walk at the same time.
- It's magic - [cheering]
Magic.
I will never forget it
I remember, One night my wife and I, Megan,
we saw him running down the aisle,
for the first time in Pamper's doo-doo.
I started running down the aisle in my doo-doo Pamper,
tried to catch the ass small.
"Come here, damn it."
Then it becomes competitive with me and my daughter
One day I saw her breastfeeding < br /> with my wife.
I said, "Damn, he sucked better than me."
I took the technique because I love me some titty milk.
Milk Titty and Splenda.
I have to watch my carbs, you know?
Ben & Jerry must make it new taste
Can I get two spoons of milk Titty and Splenda? </ P>
No, just put it on a small cup. </ P>
I don't want a waffle cone. Just a little cup. Titty Milk and Splenda. Thank you. </ P>
Thank you very much. </ P>
I miss you
I miss doing this
[cheering]
I really miss you I love you.
Wow, that's... scary.
I know when I'm ready to go back.
Because of my wife, my stone, stop feeling sorry for me
That's when I found out.
Because when the accident happened, you know, I was depressed,
You know, watching my friends, like Tina Fey, Kevin Hart,
everyone does what I like to do.
I started eating lots of good food.
And I wear
And then one day my wife just got sick and looked at me
lying on the couch like a stranded whale.
Disgusted.
It feels like I'm counting a stretch sign, you know?
And he said, "Why don't you get off the couch?
and go to comedy club and do some comedy,
You are big-gut, shit, Pamper yourself?
And I jump and say, "I'm back ! "
[cheering]
What
Because I told you something, man.
Let me tell you something.
You are not what -apa I don't care about who you think you are,
how special you think you are, how much money and beautiful and visible.
You are okay - without your health.
Take it from me, man.
Don't take it for granted.
You have to take care of yourself, know what what I'm saying
Look at Tiger Woods, the biggest golfer in the world
Four operations come back later, he's just as normal as me
I mean, The blackest thing Tiger Woods has ever done
suck golf
Kalian bisa menangani nigga sekarang.
I just don't believe, like, at height from his career he refused to be black.
I'm like, "Tiger, your father's name is Earl Woods." </ p >
[laughter]
"Every Earl Woods I know is black.
And he drives a white van.
He sells fish on the back That van.
And he's fucking my aunt.
Tiger, you have two half-small brothers in Harlem
You need to go see them.
Rodney and Darius. "
Tiger Woods decreases when he starts cheatin & apos; to his wife.
Only boys
You have a good rider, A nice woman with you by your side,
You don't cheat on him.
You have a good woman by your side. And what I say basically, fellas,
Don't go chasing waterfalls.
[laughter] </ p >
Please stick to rivers and lakes you're used to
Chasing them young girls out there.
One young girl will give You have herpes in your mouth. </ P>
And everyone at CVS knows what the cream is for
You don't want to be a man in his 50s sittin & apos; at that free clinic
with those young bastards.
Only sittin & apos; there
"Excuse me. Are you a doctor?" </ p >
"No, I applaud. I'm next."
"What is clapping?"
"VD old school."
"After we get our shots, can you buy My friends and I drink beer?"
"Will you make me some young bastards?"
It was captured by the construction. You have to grow fuck up. </ P>
[woman] yeah! </ P>
You did
Can't keep on doing nonsense < br /> You did when you were 18 years old.
I was watching Couples Therapy another day.
They have Flavor Flav there.
Flavor Flav is 62 years old. </ P>
I did not call a 62-year-old man Flavor Flav. </ P>
What is your real name? Crane? </ P>
And take that hour, damn it. </ P>
Arrested development. </ P>
He has a hat to the side with reading glasses. </ P>
When you read glasses,
it's time to turn around ahead
and become a true Padres fan.
And put the belt, damn it.
They're kids young out there.
That's why I didn't go to strip the club again.
It was arrested for construction.
I didn't go to the strip club again.
I just got tired of fighting with them bitches
how many songs I paid in lap dances.
I say three songs.
Mixtapes don't count.
I'm just bored with them bitches recognize me on the road
while I'm with my wife and child my child.
"Hi, Tracy.
This is me Janet, aka Cinnamon."
"Damn, Cinnamon! I said don't talk to me
unless we are in the Boom Boom Room. "
You don't want to be a parent bring flowers on Valentine's Day
In a strip club. You don't want to be like that.
"Hi, Cinnamon. This is for you. "</ P>
" Oh, this is great. Can you set this in the water there
while I wipe -dance this person until he comes with his pants? "
Arrested by development. Ladies, you can also be arrested.
My wife and I go to parties wedding two weeks ago.
And when you reached a certain age, this danced.
Two-steppin & apos;.
That's all you have to do...
is one step.
Stomach out Stomach at
Perut keluar Perut di
That's all you have to do.
We danced beside him this 50-year-old woman,
and this bitch started doing it all the talk Ciara's blank.
And I'm still smiling. But in my mind, I said,
"If this bitch kicks me in the femur...
I will knock it out. "
Keep beating it, you big bitch.
Arrested by development.
Madonna has also caught up with developments.
You see all plastic surgery has he tried to look like a young girl?
I like mother's saggy slack.
I like that.
You breastfeed two children with their titties. </ P>
They have the right to relax. </ P>
Titties sepanjang jalan turun oleh bekas luka di bagian C nya.
These nipples and pussy are far away.
As far as I know,
There is nothing better than eating pussy and sucking on titties at the same time.
[laughing, cheering]
Woman, don't be ashamed of your body.
Don't be shy
My first love is 300 pounds.
In the ghetto. And that is Big Mertis. 300 pounds.
That is my baby.
I and he returned to fourth grade. < br /> He is 250 years old.
I love Big Mertis. He The first girl I have ever fucked naked.
You know? Because when you're in high school,
you pull pants to your knees when you make love...
in case someone comes up the stairs. </ P>
You can pull your shit back up. </ P>
Dia membiarkanku menidurinya.
Because his mother works at night.
So I'll go up there and kill him for ten minutes,
then sleep for two hours, like I do now
I remember one time, I tore her pussy.
And she said, "Tracy, I want you to pick me up and I'm sleeping on the wall. "
I said," Bitch, you weigh 300 pounds.
You know I have scoliosis in my spine.
You have to pick me up < and make love to me on the wall. "
And he did it!
He put my dirty stuff off the wall.
And he healed my scoliosis. </ p >
Alhamdulillah it is a wall that is holding back.
That is my baby. He is heartbroken.
Mematahkan hatiku. Menghancurkan omong kosongku
Because I don't know Everyone in the tent fucked her.
Everyone fucked her. I found it in a difficult way.
One time I have a doggy style, tearing up -
"Who is this pussy? Who is this pussy?"
And he turned and said, "You mean now? </ P>
Well, that's yours now, But in ten minutes when Derek came,
it would be his
But go ahead and kill yourself. Cursed, commit suicide. </ P>
Go knock yourself. "</ P>
Pattin & apos; loot. " Go and kill yourself . "
I love everything about a woman's body.
I am everything I love everything
I like to make love with women who got a C-section scar.
And I'm not talking about that little gap there
I'm talking about that old garbage.
Old school His stomach looks like who cut Frankenstein's forehead.
"Friends."
Just married.
[cheering]
Just remarried.
This is my second marriage. This one must work.
I screwed that first marriage.
I screwed it up.
This one has to work. </ P>
Find out how much child support and support is sure
I have to get hit by with the second Walmart truck. </ P>
And a Doritos truck. </ P>
And a FedEx plane. </ P>
Hearing you can make 20 million is empty of FedEx planes. </ P>
If you stick with all your abilities and limbs and dirt.
It will be messed up if you are only a torso and a head.
Your friend takes you around in a Gucci bag on his back.
"Yo, take me to the beach, man. Place me where the prostitutes are.
If it's too hot, I'll go, & apos; Ooh! & apos; That means come take me. "
You are just a body with chinchillas.
[chuckles]
You will know if I have gone bankrupt. You hear about me.
Ridin & apos; on the highway, dress in black at ten speed.
"There's the news of the van again."
I put the first marriage to bed , friend.
I screwed it up, man.
Drinking too much.
I remember my first DUI.
The police gave me a line test and I kept stepping on his shoes.
And I said, "Move your feet, bastard!"
He doesn't think it's funny. He brought my black ass to jail.
My second DUI, they didn't even give me a Breathalyzer.
I just sat in the back seat myself.
I know how much I drink.
I have two Long Island Iced Teas and three Extraordinary Hulks.
Let's go.
I read my own Miranda rights myself. You have the right to stay -
Then I release them.
Then I beat the crap from myself just to be black
They made me go to the AA meeting. That crap is sad
A bastard stood at the meeting and said,
"Alcohol made me burn my house."
Another bastard stood up and said, "Alcohol makes me want to kill myself." </ P>
I stand up and say, "You bastard is a group of liars. </ P>
It's not alcohol. It's cracked."
Alcohol doesn't do it for you. When I'm drunk at the club,
What I want to do is pull my cock out on the dance floor and sing.
♪ He came from somewhere to the back In the past ago ♪
♪ He has a place in his life ♪
They make me do community service
But things are messy about that, no one wants me in their community
They want to see you on TV.
Don't want to see your black ass in anyone's backyard...
peeping & apos; in their bush.
"Who is that in Jim's backyard < br /> pee in the bush drinking at> 40? "
" That's Tracy Morgan from Saturday Night Live. "
" If you urinate in the bush- This bush,
will be Tracy Morgan from Saturday Night Dead. "
My wife is strong. She's a strong woman.
He shows his strength to him. He is strong. </ P>
As a woman, you must be strong
to have a bastard with a face like this above you.
I look like a cross between Wesley Snipes and Biz Markie.
I remember the first time I had sex with my wife after the accident.
I came hard
I mean, I came with difficulty. Like in high school.
I came hard
Remember in high school, you will come hard and unlucky ?
I have a William Tell dick.
I can drop an apple from your head from here
Remember in high school, your penism It's hard - High school is difficult?
You can break the brick with that penis, Fuck.
But when you are 40 and 50, you are playing semipro now.
He has to suck your penis for two hours just to get you semi-hard.
His nose starts bleeding, mascara runs.
He must release his jaw like a boa constrictor.
"You need help."
And, woman, while making love, spit on his penis Spit on it.
Spit on that dick. I like it when a woman spits on me -
Spit on it like you hate it.
Call it a racial sluri. "You Czechoslovak son of a "-
Fuck.
Spit on that damn dick.
" You are Ecuadorian mother "-
" You are a person Mexican immigrant puto "-
Please, vomit on that penis, damn it. </ P>
Spit on that damn dick. </ P>
I'm now older. So intimate with my wife now, you know,
is different, you know
Before having sex, I have to take out the black tool bag. </ P>
Inside the bag is a Zorro mask...
a vibrator, some spare batteries and an apology letter.
"What's the apology letter?"
"You will see.
You will see. "
I don't care who you are here. If you are a partner, stay bad.
You have to. Keep the relationship You stay hot. </ P>
Because if you live together and you are no longer unlucky,
you are just roommates. </ P>
Don't let him get sick That head. Because they always start with it.
"I have a headache."
"Yeah, well, you will get a headache With this dick inside you, damn it.
I drove that truck all week. I spent a lot of money here, damn it. "
Fuck all the head dirt.
" You need Bufferin, damn it?
Do you need Bufferin? "
You have to stay hot
I don't care if you are 90 years old. You put the foreskin inside her.
I don't care if you find one hump left. Damn, here
With a bunch of foreskin.
It must stay hot.
Foreplay is not just before having sex.
Foreplay throughout the day.
p>
You let him know I'm still interested in for your anatomy
When he's in the cooking kitchen for you and children,
Enter go there and squeeze the booty.
"Just go ahead, Robert.
You see these damn kids here. You'd better leave now." </ p >
When you drive in a car, pull it towards the red light.
"You'd better stop it! I'm not playing with you
And, fellas, when you fuck for your wife, take your damn socks.
Woman, if she doesn't take off her socks, it's not love </ p >
It's only two ships passing at night.
My wife is 18 years younger than me.
Okay, my wife is 18 years younger from me.
Sometimes - Sometimes the age difference Can be a little difficult.
Like we had a fight that night, and I told him,
"Look, I'm 47 years old.
I won't sit here with you all night and argue about Beyonce."
He said, "But Beyoncé and Jay Z is showing business royalties. "</ P>
I said," Let me tell you something. Jay Z has just been hit by Solange. </ P>
Aku tertabrak truk Walmart. "
I fell in love with him, man. That's my baby
My wife. I fell in love with her, man.
But when you have a young wife who pretty like that you're married,
and you're in love with him,
This puts you in a disadvantageous position in relationship
Because you will never leave. </ P>
You will never leave it. Never. </ P>
You talk your bullshit like you will, but you no.
And he knows that.
I told my wife a few days ago, "Let me tell you something.
You still treat me like you treat me,
One morning you will wake up,
and I will sit there, Fuck. </ P>
Bag black medical and your cappuccino
There. I don't go anywhere.
I'm not going anywhere. "
They are not going anywhere.
My wife is beautiful. She is half white and half black.
There is an upper side and the bottom side, you know?
Because he uses the word nigga with me, I don't know what side calls me nigga.
If it's the black side call me nigga, cool
But if the white side calls me nigga, we get a problem.
You will make me say, "Don't call me a nigga,
Whore your insults
Because when I fight with my wife, I hope I argue with white people,
Because white women don't curse you and insult your genitals
In an argument, a white woman will listen to you...
and then she will be shaken,
Then she will walk into her room and contact his lawyer.
I mean, where do you think the term is "The irreconcilable difference" originates?
It's not from a black woman.
For black women, any differences can be reconciled,
As long as he has a knife and a fucking rolling pin.
Because we live very the environment is prosperous now
So when we argue...
we don't scream anymore because there is an echo in the suburbs.
And that crap echoes all the way around the block. </ P>
"Bastard Bastard Bastard Bastard
Bastard Bastard Bastard Bastard -
Oh, shit! Someone in our house. "
But in the ghetto, it's not an echo.
There's only a bunch of bastards shouting at each other.
And if you think someone is in your house, someone is at your house
Now I forgive the driver. I forgive the driver who hit me.
I'm not even angry with him.
But I will tell you who is angry with him. All of my neighbors are white. </ P>
"Well if you never hit this horse, he won't stay next to me!
I have a daughter.
A group of biracial bastards running around here. "
You know, God gave me a second chance.
And I want to do better.
[cheering, clapping]
Aku ingin berbuat lebih baik.
Especially at my marriage. Like my wife, I love my wife.
He called me with my bullshit.
He said, "Tracy, I tell you something, man.
It's okay to be a bastard, but don't be nonsense. "
Because there's a difference between jerk and bullshit
Bastards will ruin your summer A piece of crap will ruin your 20s.
A bastard will call you fat
A piece of dirt will sell diabetes medication for Powerball tickets.
Just trying to control my emotions now.
When my wife yells at me, I don't shout back.
I just went to the side of my house and I muttered.
Sometimes I tripped and I said the word "bitch" too hard.
The black side heard that. "Who do you call a bitch?
You want this rolling pin raise your head again?"
Then I take offense , and I walked into my room and called my lawyer.
I'm a jealous person, man.
I didn't mean to be with my wife,
But I might be jealous in the hereafter
In the hereafter... I told my wife a few days ago,
You know, "If I have to leave this earth before you, God forbid...
You'd better sit in that vagina for two years.
Show your damn love. If you want to go to another woman, cool. </ P>
Saya hantu. Aku akan menghantuimu. Aku mungkin menginginkan tindakan gadis-gadis.
But if you give it to another man, I'll put my ghost's foot on his ass.
And if that doesn't work, I'll use a Cellphone or candlestick, damn it that. "
I'm serious, man
You're giving that shit too fast, you will be ridin & apos; the next bastard,
and I'll knock a picture of a wall.
"He's here!"
"Who is here?
You'd better ride this dick, damn it. I drive that truck all week. </ P>
I spend a lot of money here. "
Let me tell you something, man. When is my time to go back to heaven,
I'm ready.
I won't be afraid.
I'm ready.
I'll be fine.
I met God. He is cool.
You know, he's a hard donkey, But it's only because he is the Old Testament.
Old Testament.
You know, Jesus is cool. </ p >
I'm up there partying with Jesus. He's cool
Because he's a New Testament.
Do you know what that guy is like?
Jesus is that person It's always at the party
and he always brings a good reefer. </ P>
They don't call it weed. They call it reefer.
And it was he who rolled the spliffs in the corner
above the cover of Stevie Wonder's album.
And poppin his party caused him.
Here is Jesus at the party roll your joints. </ P>
[playing funk music]
[knocking on the door]
Who is this? </ P>
This guy Jimmy Mack.
Let him enter. He's cool. That's my man Let him enter
[funk music continues]
[knocking on door]
Who now
[man] This is Tracy Morgan.
Well, don't let that number enter. He is crazy. </ P>
Send him back
[funk music continues]
[knocking on door]
[knocking on door] </ p >
[human] Jesus!
Turn the crap over right now!
That's what I appeared.
Use something soft.
[Donna Summer singing] ♪ On the radio ♪
[clapping, cheering]
My name is Tracy Morgan. I love you. Peace I'm out.
[cheering]
[music continues]
♪ On the radio ♪
♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh on the radio ♪
♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Things aren't the same Since we broke up in June then ♪
♪ The only thing I want to hear is that you love me still ♪
♪ And that's what you think you will be home soon ♪
♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Yeah, you kind of made me feel proud When I heard he said ♪