1 00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:50,215 ♪ Woo ♪ 2 00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:52,968 ♪ Every night is just a party night ♪ 3 00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:55,179 ♪ Every day I'm lying by the pool ♪ 4 00:00:55,263 --> 00:00:58,974 ♪ Everybody's passing through my sight ♪ 5 00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:02,061 ♪ I don't even have to go to school ♪ 6 00:01:02,145 --> 00:01:05,147 ♪ Maybe I should get a working job ♪ 7 00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:07,775 ♪ And I could quit living like a slob ♪ 8 00:01:07,859 --> 00:01:10,069 ♪ But in my dreams ♪ 9 00:01:10,153 --> 00:01:14,198 ♪ it goes on and on ♪ 10 00:01:14,282 --> 00:01:17,326 ♪ I want a ♪ 11 00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:20,370 ♪ I want an American summer ♪ 12 00:01:20,455 --> 00:01:23,415 ♪ I want a ♪ 13 00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:26,126 ♪ I want an American summer night ♪ 14 00:01:32,801 --> 00:01:35,719 ♪ I can kick it in a great big house ♪ 15 00:01:35,804 --> 00:01:38,347 ♪ I would hang out with the movie stars ♪ 16 00:01:38,431 --> 00:01:41,600 ♪ Everyone would wanna be in my crowd ♪ 17 00:01:41,684 --> 00:01:44,812 ♪ We would drink it up and smoke cigars ♪ 18 00:01:44,896 --> 00:01:47,856 ♪ Maybe I should get a working job ♪ 19 00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:50,526 ♪ And I could quit living like a slob ♪ 20 00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:56,740 ♪ But in my dreams it goes on and on 21 00:01:56,825 --> 00:01:59,159 ♪ I want a ♪ 22 00:01:59,244 --> 00:02:02,996 ♪ I want an American summer ♪ 23 00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:05,124 ♪ I want a ♪ 24 00:02:05,208 --> 00:02:08,627 ♪ I want an American summer ♪ 25 00:02:08,711 --> 00:02:11,130 ♪ American summer American summer ♪ 26 00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:14,299 ♪ American summer night ♪ 27 00:02:15,426 --> 00:02:18,720 Meet my cousin, Alex Sperling. 28 00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:21,890 You're probably wondering, "Hey, who's this Alex kid 29 00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:25,060 and why is he fighting a guy dressed as a unicorn?" 30 00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:26,520 And more importantly, 31 00:02:26,604 --> 00:02:29,064 who are all those girls with really big tits? 32 00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:33,152 I can explain all those things, but first, let's rewind. 33 00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:36,738 Okey-dokey. 34 00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:38,949 Here we are, like two months earlier, 35 00:02:39,033 --> 00:02:41,493 graduation day in Southfield, Michigan. 36 00:02:41,578 --> 00:02:42,619 You've seen it all before. 37 00:02:42,704 --> 00:02:44,705 Caps, gowns, kvetching parents, 38 00:02:44,789 --> 00:02:46,915 typical graduation speeches. 39 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:50,085 Graduates, we are about to step into the real world 40 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,212 and, frankly... 41 00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:56,008 it blows. 42 00:02:56,092 --> 00:02:57,467 I wanna live now. 43 00:02:57,552 --> 00:03:00,512 I wanna travel and get high at concerts 44 00:03:00,597 --> 00:03:02,389 and bungee-jump naked 45 00:03:02,473 --> 00:03:05,350 and experiment sexually with multiple partners. 46 00:03:07,395 --> 00:03:11,398 So I say to you, senior class, carpe diem. 47 00:03:11,482 --> 00:03:13,192 Suck the marrow out of life. 48 00:03:13,276 --> 00:03:15,319 Suck it, suck it, suck it! 49 00:03:19,991 --> 00:03:20,324 Thank you. 50 00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:28,498 Thank you, Class President Victoria Mills. 51 00:03:28,583 --> 00:03:32,211 That was very, uh, graphic. 52 00:03:32,295 --> 00:03:34,504 Our final speaker 53 00:03:34,589 --> 00:03:37,507 is one of Southfield's shining lights. 54 00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:41,136 National Merit Scholar Alex Sperling. 55 00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:45,265 Bravo! 56 00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:47,434 Oh, and there's his folks, 57 00:03:47,518 --> 00:03:48,227 my Uncle Martin and Aunt Nancy. 58 00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:50,896 Little stiff, but good people. 59 00:03:50,980 --> 00:03:54,107 They're anthropologists or orthodontist-ists or-- 60 00:03:54,192 --> 00:03:56,109 Something with an "-ist." 61 00:03:58,696 --> 00:04:00,822 Wow, that went fast. 62 00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:02,866 We're done. 63 00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:04,576 But, you know, this is only the beginning... 64 00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:05,577 Blah, blah. 65 00:04:05,662 --> 00:04:07,329 I know you don't want to hear the speech. 66 00:04:07,413 --> 00:04:09,706 I was there and, frankly, it kinda sucked, 67 00:04:09,791 --> 00:04:10,290 so let's get to the good part. 68 00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:12,376 That's where I show up. 69 00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:13,502 Oh, have a good summer. 70 00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:17,839 - My boy! - Hey, Mom. 71 00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:19,299 Congratulations, baby. 72 00:04:19,384 --> 00:04:20,425 Thank you, thank you. 73 00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:22,344 - Dad? - You're a man now. 74 00:04:22,428 --> 00:04:24,513 Congratulations. 75 00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:25,973 Harvard is lucky to be getting you. 76 00:04:26,057 --> 00:04:27,516 Thank you, sir. 77 00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:29,184 Oh, my God. 78 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:32,062 Roger? 79 00:04:32,146 --> 00:04:34,231 When did this become a VIP event? 80 00:04:34,315 --> 00:04:35,607 You didn't tell us you were coming. 81 00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:38,026 There I am, Roger Sperling. 82 00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:39,027 I have a speaking engagement 83 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:41,280 at an engineering conference here in Detroit. 84 00:04:41,364 --> 00:04:43,907 Owner of my own hydraulic engineering firm, 85 00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:47,160 philanthropist, philosopher and all-around love machine. 86 00:04:47,245 --> 00:04:48,787 Ow! 87 00:04:48,871 --> 00:04:50,580 So I thought I'd surprise you guys. 88 00:04:50,665 --> 00:04:53,041 I can't believe you're here! 89 00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:54,710 - You were awesome. - Thank you. 90 00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:56,253 - Congratulations. - Thanks. 91 00:04:56,337 --> 00:04:57,671 So, Aunt Nancy, Uncle Martin, 92 00:04:57,755 --> 00:04:59,339 you mind if I steal boy wonder for a second? 93 00:04:59,424 --> 00:05:00,340 - No, not at all. - Have a little heart-to-heart. 94 00:05:00,425 --> 00:05:02,801 Great. 95 00:05:02,885 --> 00:05:04,052 Hey! 96 00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:05,304 So you going to the afterparty down in Addison's pond? 97 00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:07,222 Between you and I, 98 00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:08,682 that's where I lost Teri Raskin's virginity, 99 00:05:08,766 --> 00:05:10,726 so if you happen to see it there, just let me know. 100 00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:12,227 No, man, I-- look, I can't go to the pond. 101 00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:15,105 I fly out to D.C. at like 6:00 a.m. 102 00:05:15,189 --> 00:05:17,649 Do you know how many strings my dad had to pull 103 00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:19,359 to get me this internship with Senator Brewster? 104 00:05:19,444 --> 00:05:22,863 And, Roger, I have to show leadership this summer 105 00:05:22,947 --> 00:05:24,281 because if I don't get this scholarship, 106 00:05:24,365 --> 00:05:25,449 I can't go to Harvard 107 00:05:25,533 --> 00:05:26,825 and if I don't go to Harvard, I mean... 108 00:05:26,909 --> 00:05:29,119 Hey, hey, Alex, come on. 109 00:05:29,203 --> 00:05:30,329 You're gonna get the scholarship, relax. 110 00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:32,873 Breathe. 111 00:05:32,957 --> 00:05:35,250 When you're in D.C. or at Harvard, if you need anything, 112 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:36,376 advice, letter of recommendation, 113 00:05:36,461 --> 00:05:40,672 a stock tip, you call your cousin Roger 114 00:05:40,757 --> 00:05:42,132 and I'll hook you up, all right? 115 00:05:42,216 --> 00:05:43,258 Yes, thank you. 116 00:06:04,781 --> 00:06:06,323 - "The Post" is on the phone! - Excuse me? 117 00:06:06,407 --> 00:06:07,616 - Hi. - Do me a favor. 118 00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:09,284 - Unplug that phone. - Oh, sure. 119 00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,703 Wow, it's a busy place. 120 00:06:11,788 --> 00:06:13,288 Um, my name's Alex Sperling. 121 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:14,706 it's a pleasure to be joining the team. 122 00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:15,999 Welcome to Washington. 123 00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:17,709 - Start shredding. - Oh, well, I don't-- 124 00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:20,170 - Shred! - Sure, okay. 125 00:06:20,254 --> 00:06:22,714 No problem, I just wanted to thank you and the senator, 126 00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:24,341 you know, for the opportunity to get my scholarship... 127 00:06:24,425 --> 00:06:26,760 ... so I can go to Harvard, 128 00:06:26,844 --> 00:06:29,179 and it's truly rare in politics nowadays 129 00:06:29,263 --> 00:06:31,223 to find someone with such character 130 00:06:31,307 --> 00:06:34,226 - and integrity and... - Come on, flush, you bastard! 131 00:06:34,310 --> 00:06:35,435 Come on! 132 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:36,478 What are you going? Whoa! 133 00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:37,938 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 134 00:06:38,022 --> 00:06:39,564 We're not having such a great day, are we? 135 00:06:39,649 --> 00:06:40,649 I hate to disappoint you, 136 00:06:40,733 --> 00:06:42,984 but your man of character and integrity 137 00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:44,820 has one tiny little weakness. 138 00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:46,655 Oh, well, you know, I heard Abraham Lincoln 139 00:06:46,739 --> 00:06:48,740 couldn't turn down a piece of cake. 140 00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:51,701 Could Honest Abe pass up ten-year-old Filipino boys? 141 00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:52,536 - Excuse me? - FBI! 142 00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:53,453 Get your hands up, let's go, son! 143 00:06:53,538 --> 00:06:55,372 Leave it alone! 144 00:06:55,456 --> 00:06:56,873 - Let me see your hands! - Freeze! 145 00:06:56,958 --> 00:06:58,375 Stop the shredding now! 146 00:06:58,459 --> 00:07:00,085 if you need anything, 147 00:07:00,169 --> 00:07:01,420 you call your cousin Roger and I'll hook you up. 148 00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:03,588 Now, I never would have said that 149 00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:06,299 if I thought he was gonna take me seriously. 150 00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:08,385 ♪ in Los Angeles ♪ 151 00:07:08,469 --> 00:07:12,764 ♪ I know that my dreams will come true ♪ 152 00:07:12,849 --> 00:07:15,559 ♪ in the City of Angels ♪ 153 00:07:15,643 --> 00:07:19,187 ♪ I'll follow my heart ♪ 154 00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,565 ♪ Right to you ♪ 155 00:07:21,649 --> 00:07:24,651 ♪ Right to you ♪ 156 00:07:26,737 --> 00:07:30,073 Hey, cuz, need a stock tip already? 157 00:07:30,158 --> 00:07:31,700 Uh, no, not exactly. 158 00:07:32,577 --> 00:07:35,579 You know how you said to call you if I needed anything? 159 00:07:35,663 --> 00:07:36,371 Yeah, anything. 160 00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:37,414 What's up? 161 00:07:37,498 --> 00:07:40,959 Well... I need you to pick me up. 162 00:07:41,043 --> 00:07:42,711 I'm at LAX. 163 00:07:42,795 --> 00:07:44,629 You're here? Now? 164 00:07:44,714 --> 00:07:45,755 Yeah. 165 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:47,132 Look, I'll explain everything when you get here. 166 00:07:47,216 --> 00:07:49,259 Just meet me at baggage claim, okay, Roger? 167 00:07:49,343 --> 00:07:50,302 No, no-- 168 00:07:50,386 --> 00:07:53,472 Hey, hey, Alex, Al-- Alex, Alex? 169 00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:55,891 Roger, stop lounging. 170 00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:57,225 Let's get the pool cleaned. 171 00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:58,977 Lounge-- I was just waiting for the chlorine to stabilize, 172 00:07:59,061 --> 00:08:00,353 Mr. Davi, sir. 173 00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:01,730 Yeah, well, stabilize by getting the pool cleaned. 174 00:08:01,814 --> 00:08:03,398 - I got people coming over. - Yes, sir, Mr. Davi. 175 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:06,067 And stop with the Eddie Haskell bullshit. 176 00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:07,736 Just clean the pool. 177 00:08:07,820 --> 00:08:08,653 Okay, yes, I lied. 178 00:08:08,738 --> 00:08:11,698 To you, to Alex, to everyone in the world, 179 00:08:11,782 --> 00:08:14,409 I don't own my own hydro-engineering 180 00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:16,286 whatever-the-hell-I-said. 181 00:08:16,370 --> 00:08:19,164 I clean pools for a living and I'm a liar, 182 00:08:19,248 --> 00:08:21,166 'cause, frankly, "captain of industry" 183 00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:23,043 works much better than "pool boy" 184 00:08:23,127 --> 00:08:24,669 when you're trying to get a date. 185 00:08:30,092 --> 00:08:31,009 Yo, what's up, homey? 186 00:08:31,093 --> 00:08:32,427 Give me your money, dog! 187 00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,095 Hey. 188 00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:35,388 - What's up, bro? - Thanks for coming. 189 00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:37,516 I really appreciate this on such short notice, thank you. 190 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,309 Hey, what happened in D.C.? 191 00:08:39,393 --> 00:08:42,187 - Senator Brewster? - Ooh, he's dirty. 192 00:08:42,271 --> 00:08:42,938 He didn't touch you, did he? 193 00:08:43,022 --> 00:08:45,148 Oh no, turns out I'm not his type. 194 00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:45,774 Too bad-- I am. 195 00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:47,651 Whistle, ooh, whistle! 196 00:08:47,735 --> 00:08:49,444 - Ow! - Big bag for the weekend. 197 00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:51,154 You wanna hit the beaches or what? 198 00:08:51,239 --> 00:08:52,322 I need a job. 199 00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:57,410 My parents are in Africa on a research grant. 200 00:08:57,495 --> 00:08:58,453 if I don't have a job, then I can't get this scholarship, 201 00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:01,414 then how am I gonna pay for college? 202 00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:02,666 Let alone Harvard. 203 00:09:03,709 --> 00:09:06,753 I need your help, Roger. 204 00:09:06,837 --> 00:09:07,504 Seriously? 205 00:09:07,588 --> 00:09:10,090 Yeah. 206 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:17,347 Yeah, all right, fine. 207 00:09:17,431 --> 00:09:19,683 - All right. - I mean, I can't pay you. 208 00:09:19,767 --> 00:09:22,477 No, that's okay, it's an internship. 209 00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,354 Do you know anything about aquatic engineering? 210 00:09:24,438 --> 00:09:25,772 it's not as glamorous as you think. 211 00:09:25,856 --> 00:09:26,940 No, that's okay. 212 00:09:27,024 --> 00:09:28,441 I don't need glamour, I just need a job. 213 00:09:28,526 --> 00:09:30,193 I mean, it's really not glamorous in any way, 214 00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:31,403 - shape or form. - That's totally fine. 215 00:09:31,487 --> 00:09:31,903 Are you good at math? 216 00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:34,030 There's a lot of math. 217 00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:34,614 Yeah, no, I'm good. 218 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:44,791 All right, here we are. 219 00:09:44,875 --> 00:09:46,334 Sorry again about the car. 220 00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,670 I can't wait to get my Mercedes back. 221 00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:51,339 These auto-shop loaners are a real disaster. 222 00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:52,924 it's okay, I love NASCAR. 223 00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:55,135 Yeah. 224 00:09:55,219 --> 00:09:56,344 That's good. 225 00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:01,558 You live here? 226 00:10:01,642 --> 00:10:03,727 Yeah, right. 227 00:10:03,811 --> 00:10:06,479 it belongs to one of my junior engineers. 228 00:10:06,564 --> 00:10:08,064 Oh, thank God. 229 00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:11,651 They're off-site right now building a dam in Dubai. 230 00:10:13,904 --> 00:10:15,739 He's just letting me crash here for a couple months 231 00:10:15,823 --> 00:10:17,991 until my place in the Palisades is done. 232 00:10:18,075 --> 00:10:19,075 it's six months overdue. 233 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:19,993 Do you believe that? 234 00:10:20,077 --> 00:10:21,870 Dude, contractors. 235 00:10:21,954 --> 00:10:23,872 I mean, they're worse than... 236 00:10:23,956 --> 00:10:24,623 Yo, Rog! 237 00:10:24,707 --> 00:10:26,625 ... drug dealers. 238 00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:28,251 I got your weed, man. 239 00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:30,837 I couldn't remember, did you want an eighth or a quarter? 240 00:10:30,921 --> 00:10:34,674 Get away from the building, you-- you purveyor of sin! 241 00:10:34,759 --> 00:10:36,259 Yeah, I wanted an eighth. 242 00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:37,385 An eighth of Hindu Kush, you got it? 243 00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:38,261 Okay. 244 00:10:38,346 --> 00:10:39,554 Get-- get out of here! 245 00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:41,848 Jerk! 246 00:10:41,932 --> 00:10:42,724 Huh. 247 00:10:42,808 --> 00:10:44,726 Yes. 248 00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:47,020 Sorry about that. 249 00:10:47,104 --> 00:10:48,271 What was that all about? 250 00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:49,314 That guy, Eddie, 251 00:10:49,398 --> 00:10:51,524 he's just a bad element in the neighborhood. 252 00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:56,863 So this is it, my temporary digs. 253 00:10:58,366 --> 00:10:59,699 And this is where you'll be spending 254 00:10:59,784 --> 00:11:02,869 the next six weeks. 255 00:11:02,953 --> 00:11:05,747 it's-- it's actually a lot more comfortable than it looks. 256 00:11:06,874 --> 00:11:09,626 Okay, now, Alex wasn't a total idiot. 257 00:11:09,710 --> 00:11:13,088 There's one surefire way to keep any red-blooded male 258 00:11:13,172 --> 00:11:14,798 from thinking properly. 259 00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:18,051 Hey, Rog, Whole Foods doesn't actually sell 260 00:11:18,135 --> 00:11:19,344 Wonder Bread, Miracle Whip, 261 00:11:19,428 --> 00:11:21,680 so I got you cracked wheat and Vegenaise. 262 00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:23,181 - Hi. - Hi. 263 00:11:23,265 --> 00:11:25,558 Oh, this is my cousin Alex. 264 00:11:25,643 --> 00:11:26,601 Alex, this is my neighbor-- 265 00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:29,896 My employee's neighbor, Laura. 266 00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:33,608 Um, I gotta go put my stuff away, 267 00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:37,195 so... welcome to LA, Alex. 268 00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:44,619 ♪ Ooh-hoo-hoo ♪ 269 00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:48,748 ♪ What up yo? ♪ 270 00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:50,709 ♪ Here we go ♪ 271 00:11:50,793 --> 00:11:52,544 ♪ Gonna get high so we don't stay low ♪ 272 00:11:52,628 --> 00:11:56,339 ♪ Nothing matters even if it did ♪ 273 00:11:56,424 --> 00:11:58,174 ♪ Look out man don't give a damn ♪ 274 00:11:58,259 --> 00:11:59,843 ♪ I know this life like the back of my hand ♪ 275 00:11:59,927 --> 00:12:02,262 - So people actually live here? - Yeah, it's embarrassing. 276 00:12:02,346 --> 00:12:03,638 it doesn't even have a tennis court. 277 00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:06,725 All right, technological supplies. 278 00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:10,228 This right here is a sediment displacer. 279 00:12:10,312 --> 00:12:12,981 That is a polymer-based discharge reservoir. 280 00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:14,065 Right. 281 00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:17,068 - Submersible sonic piping. - Uh-huh. 282 00:12:17,153 --> 00:12:18,737 Very important, liquid attitude adjuster. 283 00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:19,738 Okay. 284 00:12:19,822 --> 00:12:22,532 And... let's do some engineering. 285 00:12:22,616 --> 00:12:23,742 All right. 286 00:12:23,826 --> 00:12:26,244 Now, what you're gonna see here looks like a common pool, 287 00:12:26,328 --> 00:12:29,539 but what I'm doing is very cutting-edge. 288 00:12:29,623 --> 00:12:32,041 Yeah, it's one of my-- my test houses. 289 00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:34,961 I like to be out in the-- in the field. 290 00:12:35,045 --> 00:12:37,005 Good for morale. 291 00:12:37,089 --> 00:12:39,924 Um... I'm working on a new salinity test for 292 00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:40,842 aquatic entertainment environments. 293 00:12:40,926 --> 00:12:42,927 Wow. 294 00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:47,223 I'm gonna put a 60-inch plasma in the deep end. 295 00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:48,808 - Really? - Sure. 296 00:13:03,032 --> 00:13:04,699 Jesus Christ. 297 00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:15,168 Hey, whoa! 298 00:13:15,252 --> 00:13:17,170 Oh, sh-- Hector, Hector! 299 00:13:17,254 --> 00:13:19,088 - Roger! - Hector, that's my cousin! 300 00:13:19,173 --> 00:13:20,381 Who are you, cabrón? 301 00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:21,925 And why were you staring at la Senora Ashmore? 302 00:13:22,009 --> 00:13:22,967 I wasn't! 303 00:13:23,052 --> 00:13:24,302 - Hey! - Roger! 304 00:13:24,386 --> 00:13:26,387 That's my cousin, Alex! 305 00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:28,223 He's helping me out today. 306 00:13:28,307 --> 00:13:30,350 - Oh, que paso, Rogelio? - Yeah. 307 00:13:30,434 --> 00:13:30,934 Hey. 308 00:13:31,018 --> 00:13:33,478 I'm sorry, mister, okay? 309 00:13:33,562 --> 00:13:34,646 Nice to meet you. 310 00:13:34,730 --> 00:13:35,438 - Yeah, nice to meet you. - Yeah. 311 00:13:37,608 --> 00:13:40,401 Oh, Mr. Stenson told me to tell you that the pool needs 312 00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:41,778 a filter because it's getting clogged up. 313 00:13:41,862 --> 00:13:44,739 La muerta Bethany is getting stickers all over the pool 314 00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:47,534 Hablamos manana. 315 00:13:51,747 --> 00:13:53,206 - Okay. - Thank you. 316 00:13:54,875 --> 00:13:56,417 Ciao. 317 00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:02,924 You're a pool boy. 318 00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:05,134 I'm more of a pool man. 319 00:14:05,219 --> 00:14:07,679 You're a pool boy. 320 00:14:07,763 --> 00:14:08,972 Great. 321 00:14:09,056 --> 00:14:10,431 He's a pool boy. 322 00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:12,058 - Um... - That's fantastic. 323 00:14:12,142 --> 00:14:14,269 So you don't have a house in the Palisades? 324 00:14:14,353 --> 00:14:15,103 No house. 325 00:14:15,187 --> 00:14:17,564 And you don't drive a Mercedes-Benz. 326 00:14:17,648 --> 00:14:17,981 I have driven one. 327 00:14:18,065 --> 00:14:19,941 And that. 328 00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:22,193 That's no poly-waddle discharge whatever. 329 00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:23,695 it's a plastic bucket. 330 00:14:23,779 --> 00:14:24,988 That is, in fact, a bucket. 331 00:14:25,072 --> 00:14:27,240 So then who the hell are you, man? 332 00:14:27,324 --> 00:14:27,991 - I'm your cousin, Roger. - No. 333 00:14:28,075 --> 00:14:29,951 No, no, no, you're not. 334 00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:32,078 My cousin Roger went to Harvard. 335 00:14:32,162 --> 00:14:35,373 He graduated Phi Beta Kappa and Summa Cum Laude. 336 00:14:35,457 --> 00:14:36,958 Roger owns his own aquatic engineering firm. 337 00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:38,918 Roger... 338 00:14:39,003 --> 00:14:41,880 that guy dropped out. 339 00:14:41,964 --> 00:14:44,799 I dropped out after my freshman year. 340 00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:46,009 Just... 341 00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:52,015 Well, that's perfect. 342 00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:56,728 - Oh! - Shit. 343 00:14:56,812 --> 00:14:59,063 All right, come on, where you going? 344 00:14:59,148 --> 00:15:00,690 - Back to Michigan. - You can't go back to Michigan. 345 00:15:00,774 --> 00:15:02,942 You don't have a job and your mom and dad are in Africa. 346 00:15:03,027 --> 00:15:04,611 Well, it beats sleeping on an eviscerated sofa 347 00:15:04,695 --> 00:15:06,112 - with some fraud. - Hey, hey, hey! 348 00:15:06,196 --> 00:15:07,488 Let me ask you a question. 349 00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:09,991 Who's the guy that gave you his entire collection of "Swank" 350 00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:13,912 and "Penthouse" when you turned 13 years old? 351 00:15:13,996 --> 00:15:15,121 I came out here 352 00:15:15,205 --> 00:15:17,457 because I thought that you had a real job. 353 00:15:17,541 --> 00:15:19,042 My entire life depends on this scholarship. 354 00:15:19,126 --> 00:15:20,001 What am I supposed to tell them at the interview? 355 00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:22,837 That I learned how to balance pH levels? 356 00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,380 First of all, that's harder than it looks. 357 00:15:24,465 --> 00:15:26,007 And second of all, you're not gonna lose your scholarship. 358 00:15:26,091 --> 00:15:27,967 All right, we're smart guys. 359 00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:30,345 We'll think of something. 360 00:15:30,429 --> 00:15:31,846 it's like my buddy Kierkegaard said: 361 00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:36,100 "Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom." 362 00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:38,353 And you're just a little dizzy, that's all. 363 00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:39,979 All right? 364 00:15:40,064 --> 00:15:40,980 So big breaths. 365 00:15:41,065 --> 00:15:43,983 Ooh, look it, that's tension. 366 00:15:44,068 --> 00:15:45,985 Let that go, shake that thing out. 367 00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:47,612 - Don't touch me. - Come on. 368 00:15:47,696 --> 00:15:49,781 Let me show you the beauty of cleaning a pool. 369 00:15:49,865 --> 00:15:51,449 Shall I? 370 00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:55,244 Nice T-shirt. 371 00:15:55,329 --> 00:15:56,829 isn't it ironic? 372 00:15:56,914 --> 00:15:58,831 No, I'm going to Harvard in the fall. 373 00:15:58,916 --> 00:16:00,249 Yeah, right. 374 00:16:00,334 --> 00:16:00,917 Guess where I'm going today? 375 00:16:01,001 --> 00:16:03,628 Villefranche-sur-Mer. 376 00:16:03,712 --> 00:16:04,045 That's in France. 377 00:16:04,129 --> 00:16:06,130 That's in Europe. 378 00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:08,257 You ever been to Europe? 379 00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:11,427 - Yeah. - You have not. 380 00:16:11,512 --> 00:16:13,554 Hey, guess what I'm getting when I'm 16? 381 00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:15,473 A BMW 760Li. 382 00:16:15,557 --> 00:16:17,600 That's a $140,000 car. 383 00:16:17,685 --> 00:16:18,893 What do you drive? 384 00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:20,645 Right about now, I'm thinking about this pool skimmer 385 00:16:20,729 --> 00:16:21,771 through your head. 386 00:16:23,774 --> 00:16:25,274 Bethany. 387 00:16:27,194 --> 00:16:28,111 There you are. 388 00:16:28,195 --> 00:16:30,279 You all packed, honey bun? 389 00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:32,115 You're not my mother, Caitlin! 390 00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:36,536 And I'm not packed! 391 00:16:36,620 --> 00:16:37,704 Damn it! 392 00:16:40,207 --> 00:16:41,958 - Hi, Roger. - Hi, Mrs. Stenson. 393 00:16:42,042 --> 00:16:43,209 Ooh, sorry about that. 394 00:16:43,293 --> 00:16:44,836 You excited-- you excited for your trip? 395 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:46,462 Oh, my God, I haven't been out of the country 396 00:16:46,547 --> 00:16:47,714 397 00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:49,590 We were down in Mexico, got totally drunk off, 398 00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:51,092 like, Jell-O shots, danced on the bar-- 399 00:16:51,176 --> 00:16:53,720 No, I don't care and don't call me back until this deal is done, 400 00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:54,095 - got it, huh? - Sounds awesome. 401 00:16:54,179 --> 00:16:56,931 Hey, Roger Dodger. 402 00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:58,224 What's going on, boss? 403 00:16:58,308 --> 00:17:01,227 Do us a favor, keep an eye on the place while we're gone. 404 00:17:01,311 --> 00:17:02,729 We'll be back in about six weeks. 405 00:17:02,813 --> 00:17:04,063 Yes, sir. 406 00:17:04,148 --> 00:17:06,691 And here's a little something extra for your trouble. 407 00:17:06,775 --> 00:17:08,276 Oh, no, you don't have to-- you don't have to-- 408 00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:09,027 No, you don't have to worry about that, sir. 409 00:17:09,111 --> 00:17:10,987 No, here, here, here you go. 410 00:17:13,615 --> 00:17:14,407 Okay, let's go, sweetheart. 411 00:17:14,491 --> 00:17:16,659 is that a five, is that a five, sir? 412 00:17:16,744 --> 00:17:18,286 - Yeah. - Hey. 413 00:17:18,370 --> 00:17:20,663 This should pay for my gas coming up your driveway. 414 00:17:20,748 --> 00:17:21,122 Uh-huh. 415 00:17:21,206 --> 00:17:24,459 Uh-huh, cocksucker. 416 00:17:24,543 --> 00:17:25,168 Roger! 417 00:17:25,252 --> 00:17:27,128 My fountain isn't spurting. 418 00:17:27,212 --> 00:17:29,922 Can you make it spurt? 419 00:17:30,007 --> 00:17:31,758 Spurting is my specialty. 420 00:17:31,842 --> 00:17:33,718 I'm on my way, Mrs. Ashmore. 421 00:18:09,213 --> 00:18:11,047 Oh! 422 00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:14,467 Roger! 423 00:18:18,305 --> 00:18:20,556 Hey, what are you doing swimming? 424 00:18:20,641 --> 00:18:22,100 This is a business, that is unprofessional. 425 00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:27,230 - Wine cooler, boy? - Sounds delightful. 426 00:18:27,314 --> 00:18:29,273 Oh, look it-- David's back! 427 00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:30,983 Thanks, Roger! 428 00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:34,570 So this is what your life is like. 429 00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:37,281 You work for about an hour and then you sit around 430 00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:39,367 drinking with half-naked women? 431 00:18:39,451 --> 00:18:40,284 Not always. 432 00:18:40,369 --> 00:18:41,119 Sometimes they're fully naked. 433 00:18:44,081 --> 00:18:45,081 You weren't really in Michigan 434 00:18:45,165 --> 00:18:47,667 speaking at an engineering conference, were you? 435 00:18:47,751 --> 00:18:49,293 No, I actually just wanted to see 436 00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:51,295 my cousin graduate valedictorian 437 00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:53,923 and it just so happened to coincide with PoolCon, 438 00:18:54,007 --> 00:18:55,800 our annual trade show. 439 00:18:57,761 --> 00:18:59,762 Pool cleaners have trade shows? 440 00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:01,514 Yes, why is that funny? 441 00:19:01,598 --> 00:19:04,559 You have to stay up with technology. 442 00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:06,602 Look, I know you think that I have a crap job, 443 00:19:06,687 --> 00:19:09,981 but keeping a pool is a lot like life, right? 444 00:19:10,065 --> 00:19:11,315 Make sure you have enough water, 445 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:12,483 your chemicals are balanced 446 00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:15,820 and you keep the scum away and you'll be all good. 447 00:19:25,873 --> 00:19:27,665 Good morning, sunshine. 448 00:19:27,749 --> 00:19:30,042 Just another beautiful day in paradise. 449 00:19:34,131 --> 00:19:37,091 is it me or did the world just get very dark? 450 00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:38,509 Maybe it's an eclipse. 451 00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:41,053 Has to be a full moon for an eclipse. 452 00:19:41,138 --> 00:19:42,180 You sure you got into Harvard? 453 00:19:44,391 --> 00:19:47,351 Ahh, it touched my face. 454 00:19:47,436 --> 00:19:49,395 - Tom, turn the valve on! - You got it. 455 00:19:49,479 --> 00:19:50,980 Hey. 456 00:19:51,064 --> 00:19:55,067 There's a big tent thing over my-- my place of residence. 457 00:19:55,152 --> 00:19:56,277 - is that so? - What's going on? 458 00:19:56,361 --> 00:19:58,112 Vermin infestation, boy. 459 00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:00,114 We gotta fumigate the building, 460 00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:01,949 we gotta fumigate the whole building, 461 00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:04,118 right to left to the top to the bottom. 462 00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:05,661 That sounds toxic. 463 00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:11,500 Oh, shit. 464 00:20:11,585 --> 00:20:17,089 Roger? 465 00:20:17,174 --> 00:20:18,174 Eddie? 466 00:20:18,258 --> 00:20:19,258 Hey, hey, get up, man! 467 00:20:19,343 --> 00:20:21,636 Back off, man! 468 00:20:22,721 --> 00:20:24,013 it's the aliens, man! 469 00:20:24,097 --> 00:20:24,639 We didn't pay our intergalactic taxes 470 00:20:24,723 --> 00:20:26,599 and now they're gassing us! 471 00:20:26,683 --> 00:20:27,850 Snap out of it! 472 00:20:27,935 --> 00:20:29,143 We need to get to Wyoming to the Devil's Tower. 473 00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:30,436 - And we need mashed potatoes! - I'll get you out of here. 474 00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:31,812 - We need mashed potatoes, man! - I got you, man! 475 00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:34,232 I'm talking about mashed potatoes, mashed potatoes! 476 00:20:34,316 --> 00:20:36,359 The aliens, man, are gonna suck our brains out, 477 00:20:36,443 --> 00:20:37,193 we're totally screwed! 478 00:20:41,031 --> 00:20:43,658 That's my cousin, choking out on the ground. 479 00:20:43,742 --> 00:20:45,701 - Are you okay? - Yeah. 480 00:20:46,453 --> 00:20:48,329 You just saved my life, man. 481 00:20:48,413 --> 00:20:50,164 I owe you huge. 482 00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:52,166 - Don't worry about it. - No. 483 00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:53,834 I will train. 484 00:20:53,919 --> 00:20:56,629 I will be your ward, your page. 485 00:20:56,713 --> 00:20:58,005 Robin to your Superman. 486 00:20:58,090 --> 00:20:59,257 Wherever you go, I will protect you. 487 00:20:59,341 --> 00:21:00,758 it's-- it's okay, Eddie. 488 00:21:00,842 --> 00:21:04,387 Oh, good, 'cause I got a shift at Applebee's at... 489 00:21:04,471 --> 00:21:05,263 Oh, shit, that's right now. 490 00:21:05,347 --> 00:21:07,390 it's a good thing that this happened 491 00:21:07,474 --> 00:21:08,599 or I would have been late. 492 00:21:08,684 --> 00:21:10,226 Yeah. 493 00:21:10,310 --> 00:21:12,353 Take it easy. 494 00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:13,688 What is going on here? 495 00:21:13,772 --> 00:21:14,814 Excuse me? 496 00:21:14,898 --> 00:21:16,023 How long is this gonna be on here? 497 00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:17,608 - I work out of my apartment. - Let's see. 498 00:21:17,693 --> 00:21:19,568 You got 72 hours for the termites. 499 00:21:19,653 --> 00:21:21,362 You got 36 or so for the spiders, 500 00:21:21,446 --> 00:21:22,238 then you got 48 for the rats-- 501 00:21:22,322 --> 00:21:25,157 What-- what-- what am I supposed to do? 502 00:21:25,242 --> 00:21:26,075 I have a client at 10:00. 503 00:21:26,159 --> 00:21:27,451 I don't know what you're supposed to do. 504 00:21:27,536 --> 00:21:28,953 You better call your client and tell him to bring some 505 00:21:29,037 --> 00:21:30,997 chalk or something for y'all can play some hopscotch on the floor 506 00:21:31,081 --> 00:21:32,290 'cause I don't know what you're gonna do. 507 00:21:32,374 --> 00:21:33,916 All right, everyone just relax for one second. 508 00:21:34,001 --> 00:21:35,876 I know a place we can go and chill out 509 00:21:35,961 --> 00:21:37,962 unless you have a better option. 510 00:21:40,507 --> 00:21:42,800 Hey, Roger, wait. 511 00:21:42,884 --> 00:21:45,553 Just a-- just a second. 512 00:21:45,637 --> 00:21:46,679 Hey. 513 00:21:46,763 --> 00:21:47,680 Come on, come on, come on, come on... 514 00:21:47,764 --> 00:21:49,015 No, I just-- 515 00:21:49,099 --> 00:21:50,850 Look, will you please talk some sense into him? 516 00:21:50,934 --> 00:21:52,810 - You tell him. - I'm trying to tell him. 517 00:21:52,894 --> 00:21:53,644 - Roger! - What? 518 00:21:53,729 --> 00:21:55,521 Roger, this is not such a good idea. 519 00:21:55,605 --> 00:21:58,190 Yeah, Stenson gave me five bucks to watch the place. 520 00:21:59,943 --> 00:22:02,320 He-- he gave me the code in case of emergency. 521 00:22:02,404 --> 00:22:04,447 it's "titties." 522 00:22:04,531 --> 00:22:05,489 isn't that funny? 523 00:22:05,574 --> 00:22:06,324 This isn't really an emergency, Roger. 524 00:22:06,408 --> 00:22:08,534 it is for me. 525 00:22:08,618 --> 00:22:11,162 Now this I could get used to. 526 00:22:13,290 --> 00:22:14,874 He's got a bad-ass stereo. 527 00:22:19,588 --> 00:22:20,880 Listen to that reverb! 528 00:22:20,964 --> 00:22:22,256 Hey, why don't you just send a memo to the whole neighborhood 529 00:22:22,341 --> 00:22:24,300 letting them know we're here? 530 00:22:24,384 --> 00:22:25,676 it's 10:00 a.m. 531 00:22:25,761 --> 00:22:28,888 They're either at work, Pilates or rehab. 532 00:22:28,972 --> 00:22:31,474 it feels so good loud. 533 00:22:31,558 --> 00:22:34,894 ♪ I'll take you down... ♪ 534 00:22:34,978 --> 00:22:36,437 Shit, um... 535 00:22:36,521 --> 00:22:37,688 my client's early. 536 00:22:37,773 --> 00:22:38,981 Rog, will you turn it down? 537 00:22:39,066 --> 00:22:40,733 A little. 538 00:22:40,817 --> 00:22:43,152 And, Alex, will you let him in while I change? 539 00:22:43,236 --> 00:22:44,320 - Yeah, okay. - Great! 540 00:22:47,324 --> 00:22:50,159 ♪ I'll take you down ♪ 541 00:22:50,494 --> 00:22:52,286 Hello? 542 00:22:52,371 --> 00:22:53,496 Yes, I'm here to see Laura? 543 00:22:53,580 --> 00:22:55,748 Uh, yeah, she's expecting you. 544 00:22:55,832 --> 00:22:56,874 - Why don't you come in? - Oh, thank you. 545 00:22:56,958 --> 00:22:57,917 Sure. 546 00:23:01,046 --> 00:23:02,797 is there a restroom I could use? 547 00:23:02,881 --> 00:23:05,132 Yeah, I think it's in the office. 548 00:23:05,217 --> 00:23:06,342 Thank you. 549 00:23:06,426 --> 00:23:08,052 I'll just let her know you're here. 550 00:23:08,136 --> 00:23:09,011 Thank you. 551 00:23:12,933 --> 00:23:14,642 Hey, Laura, your client's here. 552 00:23:14,726 --> 00:23:15,351 Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. 553 00:23:15,435 --> 00:23:18,145 Alex, it's okay. 554 00:23:18,230 --> 00:23:19,563 I just thought you were dressed. 555 00:23:19,648 --> 00:23:20,356 I am. 556 00:23:22,484 --> 00:23:23,567 For a meeting? 557 00:23:23,652 --> 00:23:25,861 What are you, a prostitute? 558 00:23:30,492 --> 00:23:33,411 You're a prostitute? 559 00:23:33,495 --> 00:23:35,204 We prefer "escort." 560 00:23:40,669 --> 00:23:42,128 Mr. Burger! 561 00:23:42,212 --> 00:23:44,380 Mr. Burger, sit! 562 00:23:44,464 --> 00:23:45,381 Sit! 563 00:23:49,302 --> 00:23:50,719 Good boy. 564 00:23:50,804 --> 00:23:52,721 Yes, who's a good boy? 565 00:23:52,806 --> 00:23:53,764 You're a... 566 00:23:53,849 --> 00:23:55,266 Yes, you're a good boy. 567 00:23:55,350 --> 00:23:57,184 Yeah, you like your bone? 568 00:23:57,269 --> 00:23:58,686 You're doing dog fetishes now? 569 00:23:58,770 --> 00:24:00,020 That's bitchin'. 570 00:24:00,105 --> 00:24:01,814 Hey, how come you didn't tell me what she did? 571 00:24:01,898 --> 00:24:03,691 Whoa, whoa, time out. 572 00:24:03,775 --> 00:24:05,484 Alex, Laura is an escort. 573 00:24:05,569 --> 00:24:06,652 Do you feel better now? 574 00:24:06,736 --> 00:24:08,279 Hey, does he do any tricks? 575 00:24:09,156 --> 00:24:10,614 Hey, Mr. Burger. 576 00:24:10,699 --> 00:24:12,575 Come here, boy! 577 00:24:12,659 --> 00:24:13,909 Come here! 578 00:24:13,994 --> 00:24:14,452 God, I can't believe this is what you do. 579 00:24:14,536 --> 00:24:16,412 Come here, big boy. 580 00:24:16,496 --> 00:24:19,039 - Oh, those scruffy ears! - Oh, my God. 581 00:24:19,124 --> 00:24:19,707 Come here, Mr. Burger! 582 00:24:19,791 --> 00:24:22,877 Oh, you're such a good dog! 583 00:24:22,961 --> 00:24:24,336 I can't be a part of this. 584 00:24:24,421 --> 00:24:25,504 Okay, Alex, then I will find someplace else. 585 00:24:25,589 --> 00:24:28,007 No, well-- that's not what I-- 586 00:24:28,091 --> 00:24:28,382 Laura, just wait a second. 587 00:24:31,261 --> 00:24:33,095 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Mr. Burger! 588 00:24:33,180 --> 00:24:34,680 No, no, no, no, no, down! 589 00:24:34,764 --> 00:24:35,764 Bad dog, bad dog! 590 00:24:35,849 --> 00:24:37,933 - Off, off! - Come here, boy! 591 00:24:38,018 --> 00:24:39,185 Come get the bone! 592 00:24:39,269 --> 00:24:40,561 Come on, there you go. 593 00:24:40,645 --> 00:24:42,438 Hiyah! 594 00:24:42,522 --> 00:24:43,606 That's it! 595 00:24:43,690 --> 00:24:45,649 Hiyah! 596 00:24:47,652 --> 00:24:49,069 Thanks. 597 00:24:49,154 --> 00:24:51,030 Dude, where do you get off talking to her like that? 598 00:24:51,114 --> 00:24:52,615 - She's a hooker. - No, don't call her that. 599 00:24:52,699 --> 00:24:53,574 She's my friend. 600 00:24:53,658 --> 00:24:54,825 Why are you being such a dick? 601 00:24:54,910 --> 00:24:58,120 I'm not being a dick, it's just that she's-- 602 00:24:58,205 --> 00:24:59,955 Oh, my God. 603 00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:02,166 - You have a crush on her. - What? 604 00:25:02,250 --> 00:25:03,501 No, I don't have a crush on her. 605 00:25:03,585 --> 00:25:06,212 it makes sense, she's a gorgeous girl. 606 00:25:06,296 --> 00:25:07,588 I do not have a crush on her! 607 00:25:07,672 --> 00:25:09,465 Okay, fine, you don't have a crush on her. 608 00:25:09,549 --> 00:25:11,800 it's probably a good thing, seeing as how 609 00:25:11,885 --> 00:25:13,636 - you just drove her away. - What? 610 00:25:13,720 --> 00:25:15,971 Uh, exit, stage left. 611 00:25:16,056 --> 00:25:18,891 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Laura, hold on! 612 00:25:18,975 --> 00:25:20,226 Laura, wait! 613 00:25:20,310 --> 00:25:22,269 Alex, I don't even put up with clients being rude 614 00:25:22,354 --> 00:25:24,104 - and they pay me. - No, please. 615 00:25:24,189 --> 00:25:24,605 Look, look, look, look. 616 00:25:24,689 --> 00:25:27,149 I'm sorry, okay? 617 00:25:27,234 --> 00:25:28,484 it's-- it's just this whole thing just 618 00:25:28,568 --> 00:25:30,444 really caught me off-guard and-- 619 00:25:30,529 --> 00:25:33,739 Look, I would never want to insult you. 620 00:25:33,823 --> 00:25:36,200 Please don't go. 621 00:25:36,284 --> 00:25:38,494 Promise me you're cool with this. 622 00:25:38,578 --> 00:25:42,289 Yeah, I'm totally cool with this. 623 00:25:44,543 --> 00:25:49,088 He's peeing on me, isn't he? 624 00:25:49,172 --> 00:25:51,131 it just means he likes you. 625 00:25:54,761 --> 00:25:56,595 What in the world is this? 626 00:25:56,680 --> 00:25:59,473 Vegan barbecue salad with seitan edamame 627 00:25:59,558 --> 00:26:01,475 and cashew soy cheese. 628 00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:02,893 How could you eat that? 629 00:26:02,978 --> 00:26:04,311 The body is your temple, Alex. 630 00:26:04,396 --> 00:26:05,563 You should be very particular about what you put in it. 631 00:26:05,647 --> 00:26:08,399 isn't that kind of ironic coming from a-- 632 00:26:09,568 --> 00:26:10,609 Wait, no, no, no. 633 00:26:10,694 --> 00:26:13,904 Look, I'm just trying to understand. 634 00:26:13,989 --> 00:26:17,700 I mean, your temple does get more worshipers than most. 635 00:26:17,784 --> 00:26:19,493 Yes. 636 00:26:19,578 --> 00:26:22,538 Yes, but I don't let in just anybody. 637 00:26:22,622 --> 00:26:24,623 You know, they have to be clean, 638 00:26:24,708 --> 00:26:26,625 they have to take off their shoes. 639 00:26:26,710 --> 00:26:28,794 I never let anybody use the back door. 640 00:26:30,755 --> 00:26:33,716 Look, Alex, I have a very select group of clients. 641 00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:35,718 Most of my clients don't even want to have sex. 642 00:26:35,802 --> 00:26:38,762 They just have some fantasy they want to play out, y'know? 643 00:26:38,847 --> 00:26:40,139 Plus, I'm putting away a lot of money. 644 00:26:40,223 --> 00:26:41,348 I'm not gonna do this forever. 645 00:26:47,063 --> 00:26:49,732 I'm gonna get some more wine. 646 00:26:49,816 --> 00:26:51,025 Red or white? 647 00:26:51,109 --> 00:26:53,152 I don't know, what goes good with Satan? 648 00:26:53,236 --> 00:26:54,987 it's seitan. 649 00:26:55,071 --> 00:26:56,488 And white. 650 00:26:58,700 --> 00:27:00,868 So, what are we doing tomorrow? 651 00:27:00,952 --> 00:27:02,536 I'll tell you what we're not gonna do. 652 00:27:02,621 --> 00:27:05,664 We're not gonna worry about your scholarship. 653 00:27:05,749 --> 00:27:06,749 What are you talking about? 654 00:27:06,833 --> 00:27:08,208 Dude, you don't need a scholarship 655 00:27:08,293 --> 00:27:09,877 if you can pay for a full tuition. 656 00:27:09,961 --> 00:27:12,254 What, are we gonna rob a bank now? 657 00:27:12,339 --> 00:27:13,631 No. 658 00:27:13,715 --> 00:27:15,716 Something better. 659 00:27:21,181 --> 00:27:22,556 ♪ A little bit of me... ♪ 660 00:27:24,476 --> 00:27:25,142 Good morning, Alex. 661 00:27:25,226 --> 00:27:27,394 Roger: See, I'm always thinking. 662 00:27:27,479 --> 00:27:29,813 I mean, I was smart enough to get into Harvard, right? 663 00:27:29,898 --> 00:27:32,399 So I figure, here we are in this huge house 664 00:27:32,484 --> 00:27:35,235 and I know Laura's got friends in the lady business. 665 00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:37,279 I should have told Alex what I was thinking, 666 00:27:37,364 --> 00:27:38,572 but I don't know. 667 00:27:38,657 --> 00:27:40,574 I thought it'd be fun to see the look on his virgin face 668 00:27:40,659 --> 00:27:42,576 when he found out what I had cooked up. 669 00:27:42,661 --> 00:27:43,702 Good morning! 670 00:27:43,787 --> 00:27:44,703 Your house is "wunderbar." 671 00:27:44,788 --> 00:27:47,539 And what a great pool. 672 00:27:51,294 --> 00:27:52,836 ♪ A little bit of me... ♪ 673 00:27:56,466 --> 00:27:59,301 Roger, these women are all prostitutes. 674 00:27:59,386 --> 00:28:01,887 Alex, prostitutes wear tube tops, clear heels 675 00:28:01,971 --> 00:28:03,013 and chew Bubblicious. 676 00:28:03,098 --> 00:28:05,724 These women are professional escorts. 677 00:28:05,809 --> 00:28:07,559 We had a little extra space in the house, 678 00:28:07,644 --> 00:28:11,897 so I asked myself, "Self, what would Jesus do?" 679 00:28:11,981 --> 00:28:12,731 Jesus would open a brothel? 680 00:28:12,816 --> 00:28:15,150 Jesus was down with Mary Magdalene 681 00:28:15,235 --> 00:28:16,985 and she was a pro, kid. 682 00:28:17,070 --> 00:28:18,987 Now, you've already met the tectonic wonder 683 00:28:19,072 --> 00:28:20,531 Hedda, all right, 684 00:28:20,615 --> 00:28:23,867 but over by the stereo is Julia. 685 00:28:23,952 --> 00:28:25,869 But don't pronounce the "J," it's "Hoo-lia. " 686 00:28:25,954 --> 00:28:27,121 I already got busted for that. 687 00:28:27,205 --> 00:28:28,872 And on the couch is Lin. 688 00:28:28,957 --> 00:28:30,708 Now, Lin doesn't speak a lick of English, 689 00:28:30,792 --> 00:28:31,667 but she is pierced head to toe. 690 00:28:31,751 --> 00:28:34,002 How fucking hot is that? 691 00:28:34,087 --> 00:28:34,962 Watch this. 692 00:28:35,046 --> 00:28:36,380 Hey, Lin! 693 00:28:36,464 --> 00:28:39,341 I like your boobs! 694 00:28:39,426 --> 00:28:41,093 She has no idea what I'm saying. 695 00:28:41,177 --> 00:28:43,387 She thinks I'm asking her what time it is. 696 00:28:43,471 --> 00:28:45,097 But my favorite is Debbie. 697 00:28:45,181 --> 00:28:48,851 Au naturel and built like a brick shit house. 698 00:28:48,935 --> 00:28:50,394 Wanna know the best part, 699 00:28:50,478 --> 00:28:52,062 other than the fact that they're all ridiculously hot, 700 00:28:52,147 --> 00:28:52,813 is that as the house, 701 00:28:52,897 --> 00:28:55,774 we get 30% of whatever they make. 702 00:28:55,859 --> 00:28:57,943 The thing I always forget 703 00:28:58,027 --> 00:29:00,112 is Alex is the world's biggest pessimist. 704 00:29:00,196 --> 00:29:01,363 I need to talk to you for a second, get in here. 705 00:29:01,448 --> 00:29:03,949 Why are your panties all in a bunch? 706 00:29:04,033 --> 00:29:05,159 Are you out of your mind? 707 00:29:05,243 --> 00:29:06,618 I know talent when I see it 708 00:29:06,703 --> 00:29:07,703 and there's a Huggy Bear in there somewhere. 709 00:29:07,787 --> 00:29:10,122 No, I'm not gonna become a pimp, 710 00:29:10,206 --> 00:29:11,498 it's incredibly illegal. 711 00:29:11,583 --> 00:29:13,834 So is squatting, yet here we are. 712 00:29:13,918 --> 00:29:16,295 Only because you roped me into it. 713 00:29:16,379 --> 00:29:17,880 Okay, look, you're gonna make some money, 714 00:29:17,964 --> 00:29:19,298 you're gonna pay for Harvard, 715 00:29:19,382 --> 00:29:19,840 you're gonna have the summer of your life. 716 00:29:19,924 --> 00:29:22,301 No. 717 00:29:22,385 --> 00:29:22,968 I'm gonna continue cleaning your pools 718 00:29:23,052 --> 00:29:26,054 until I can find a real job. 719 00:29:26,139 --> 00:29:26,722 Okay. 720 00:29:29,893 --> 00:29:32,352 That's a mistake, though. 721 00:29:32,437 --> 00:29:34,188 ♪ I'm gonna party like a rock star ♪ 722 00:29:34,272 --> 00:29:35,105 ♪ Hit a bunch of strip bars ♪ 723 00:29:35,190 --> 00:29:38,650 ♪ Wake up naked in a hotel room... ♪ 724 00:29:38,735 --> 00:29:39,693 Roger: I think Nietzsche said, 725 00:29:39,778 --> 00:29:41,862 the best way to let a man learn 726 00:29:41,946 --> 00:29:44,531 is from his own mistakes. 727 00:29:44,616 --> 00:29:46,492 Or is that an episode of "Kung Fu"? 728 00:29:46,576 --> 00:29:49,495 ♪ ... around my car ♪ 729 00:29:49,579 --> 00:29:51,121 ♪ And party like a rock star ♪ 730 00:29:55,919 --> 00:29:58,128 Hey, the pool boy. 731 00:29:58,213 --> 00:29:59,213 Whoa. 732 00:29:59,297 --> 00:30:01,757 - Where's my man, Roger? - I'm filling in for him. 733 00:30:01,841 --> 00:30:04,009 Frank Priestley, US Army. 734 00:30:04,093 --> 00:30:05,344 - Sure, yeah. - Retired. 735 00:30:05,428 --> 00:30:06,553 Kind of late, aren't you, son? 736 00:30:06,638 --> 00:30:07,805 Yeah, it's just been a really long day, sir, I'm sorry. 737 00:30:07,889 --> 00:30:11,350 Well, my pool shouldn't take you too long. 738 00:30:14,437 --> 00:30:15,896 I'll be inside if you need anything. 739 00:30:15,980 --> 00:30:17,189 Yeah. 740 00:30:25,448 --> 00:30:25,781 Hey, cuz. 741 00:30:25,865 --> 00:30:27,866 How was your day? 742 00:30:27,951 --> 00:30:28,951 Oh. 743 00:30:29,035 --> 00:30:30,202 My day was great. 744 00:30:30,286 --> 00:30:31,787 Clogged filters and then algae that I think 745 00:30:31,871 --> 00:30:33,497 was growing other algae. 746 00:30:33,581 --> 00:30:35,165 isn't that the life? 747 00:30:35,250 --> 00:30:36,917 I'm choosing to think of it as a case study 748 00:30:37,001 --> 00:30:38,877 on why not to drop out of college. 749 00:30:38,962 --> 00:30:40,003 How was yours? 750 00:30:40,088 --> 00:30:42,089 Oh, you know, it was all right. 751 00:30:42,173 --> 00:30:44,132 I mean, we didn't make that much money, 752 00:30:44,217 --> 00:30:45,968 but other than that, 753 00:30:46,052 --> 00:30:48,595 it was pretty un-freaking-believable. 754 00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:49,972 Dude, beautiful women asking me 755 00:30:50,056 --> 00:30:51,849 to apply lotion all over their bodies 756 00:30:51,933 --> 00:30:54,226 and then to re-tie bikinis. 757 00:30:54,310 --> 00:30:56,311 I had to take off three pairs of leather pants 758 00:30:56,396 --> 00:30:57,521 and I started snooping around 759 00:30:57,605 --> 00:30:59,398 and I found Stenson's stash of cigars 760 00:30:59,482 --> 00:31:00,941 and I found some great porn and his 761 00:31:01,025 --> 00:31:04,152 - Oh! - Speedo collection. 762 00:31:04,237 --> 00:31:05,362 No, Roger-- 763 00:31:05,446 --> 00:31:06,572 is that-- 764 00:31:06,656 --> 00:31:09,199 Goddamn it, that is really unsanitary. 765 00:31:09,284 --> 00:31:10,075 I'm sorry about that, cousin. 766 00:31:10,159 --> 00:31:12,452 Are you putting your money in a sock? 767 00:31:12,537 --> 00:31:13,662 Yes, I am. 768 00:31:13,746 --> 00:31:15,330 I would have put it under the mattress, 769 00:31:15,415 --> 00:31:17,374 but they were all in use. 770 00:31:17,458 --> 00:31:18,959 Genius. 771 00:31:26,968 --> 00:31:29,011 Let me guess. 772 00:31:29,095 --> 00:31:31,305 Japanese guy with a literary fetish under the bed. 773 00:31:32,056 --> 00:31:33,765 Just me trying to chill. 774 00:31:33,850 --> 00:31:36,518 Running this place is actually harder than I expected. 775 00:31:36,603 --> 00:31:38,103 I thought Roger was taking care of all that. 776 00:31:38,187 --> 00:31:40,022 Yeah, well, Roger is enthusiastic 777 00:31:40,106 --> 00:31:42,983 but he gave two clients the wrong directions here today 778 00:31:43,067 --> 00:31:45,903 and double-booked Lin with Mr. Gibbs and Mr. Ramsay. 779 00:31:45,987 --> 00:31:48,739 Luckily, both guys were into it. 780 00:31:50,241 --> 00:31:51,533 Yeah, it's been so busy. 781 00:31:51,618 --> 00:31:53,952 I actually haven't had time for a client all day. 782 00:31:54,037 --> 00:31:57,706 Oh, wow, that's too bad. 783 00:31:57,790 --> 00:32:00,876 You know, um... if you wanted to help out, 784 00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:03,045 Roger said you've got a real head for numbers. 785 00:32:03,129 --> 00:32:05,005 Well, I don't wanna brag, 786 00:32:05,089 --> 00:32:06,924 but I did break all the sales records 787 00:32:07,008 --> 00:32:08,842 as business manager of the school newspaper 788 00:32:08,927 --> 00:32:10,636 and was runner-up in 789 00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:15,265 the Michigan State Econ Olympics and... 790 00:32:15,350 --> 00:32:19,186 None of that sounds cool when you say it out loud. 791 00:32:19,270 --> 00:32:19,895 So good night. 792 00:32:24,317 --> 00:32:25,651 Good night, Alex. 793 00:32:28,988 --> 00:32:32,407 You have been a very, very bad boy. 794 00:32:32,492 --> 00:32:33,367 Oh, sorry, you scared me a little bit. 795 00:32:33,451 --> 00:32:35,327 I don't think we've met, my name's Alex. 796 00:32:35,411 --> 00:32:37,412 You must be one of Laura's friends. 797 00:32:37,497 --> 00:32:38,538 Or not. 798 00:32:38,623 --> 00:32:40,582 - Did I tell you to talk? - What? 799 00:32:40,667 --> 00:32:41,625 I don't know what's going-- 800 00:32:41,709 --> 00:32:43,418 Oh, ahh! 801 00:32:43,503 --> 00:32:44,002 Are you crazy, lady? 802 00:32:46,214 --> 00:32:48,048 Whoa! 803 00:32:48,132 --> 00:32:49,925 - Stay! - What are you, sick? 804 00:32:50,009 --> 00:32:51,718 You make me puke. 805 00:32:51,803 --> 00:32:54,096 You pathetic, disgusting, loathsome, 806 00:32:54,180 --> 00:32:57,015 - shrimp dick excuse of a man. - Ahh! 807 00:32:57,100 --> 00:33:00,644 You putrid donkey shit! 808 00:33:00,728 --> 00:33:02,270 Roger, somebody help me! 809 00:33:02,355 --> 00:33:04,064 Bree, stop! 810 00:33:04,148 --> 00:33:05,774 You're in the wrong room! 811 00:33:07,026 --> 00:33:09,027 Oh, my God, I am so sorry. 812 00:33:09,112 --> 00:33:11,863 I am so sorry, are you all right? 813 00:33:11,948 --> 00:33:13,365 Here-- here, let me-- 814 00:33:13,449 --> 00:33:14,074 Oh, my God. 815 00:33:16,077 --> 00:33:18,203 Oh, my God, you went to Camp Tamakwa? 816 00:33:18,287 --> 00:33:19,997 I went to Camp Winnepisaqui right across the lake. 817 00:33:20,081 --> 00:33:22,207 That's where Sam and I met. 818 00:33:22,291 --> 00:33:23,125 Go, fighting Beavers! 819 00:33:26,295 --> 00:33:28,755 Well, I gotta go do the whole discipline thing, 820 00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:31,550 so it was really nice meeting you. 821 00:33:31,634 --> 00:33:33,593 Bye. 822 00:33:36,639 --> 00:33:38,390 Julia! 823 00:33:43,896 --> 00:33:45,355 Oh! 824 00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:47,482 So, so sorry, I forgot my gimp. 825 00:33:55,575 --> 00:33:56,658 Thanks, Rog. 826 00:33:56,743 --> 00:33:58,160 Those girls are amazing. 827 00:33:58,244 --> 00:34:00,078 I mean, they let me do the flaming porcupine. 828 00:34:00,163 --> 00:34:01,997 I'm in love-- real love! 829 00:34:02,081 --> 00:34:03,707 Gall dang! 830 00:34:04,834 --> 00:34:07,002 So, Jimbo, maybe we should pay the piper? 831 00:34:07,086 --> 00:34:08,670 Huh, a little settle-up time? 832 00:34:08,755 --> 00:34:10,505 Uh, yeah. 833 00:34:10,590 --> 00:34:12,674 See, I'm gonna need to broker right now, 834 00:34:12,759 --> 00:34:15,218 but we got Modest Mouse playing at the club tomorrow night. 835 00:34:15,303 --> 00:34:17,804 How about I hook you up VIP? 836 00:34:17,889 --> 00:34:19,181 Call it even? 837 00:34:19,265 --> 00:34:21,058 Me likey big time. 838 00:34:21,142 --> 00:34:22,768 - Yeah. - Deal. 839 00:34:22,852 --> 00:34:23,769 Woo! 840 00:34:23,853 --> 00:34:27,022 And you're welcome back anytime big Jimbo. 841 00:34:27,106 --> 00:34:29,608 Modest Mouse. 842 00:34:31,444 --> 00:34:34,780 Did you just take our services for a rock concert? 843 00:34:34,864 --> 00:34:36,531 Actually, I would call Modest Mouse 844 00:34:36,616 --> 00:34:38,867 more emo than rock. 845 00:34:38,951 --> 00:34:40,494 Damn it, Roger, that is not the point. 846 00:34:40,578 --> 00:34:42,454 Okay, if we're gonna have this conversation, 847 00:34:42,538 --> 00:34:44,247 you're gonna have to cover those puppies up. 848 00:34:44,332 --> 00:34:46,625 You know what, we don't do charity lays, Roger. 849 00:34:46,709 --> 00:34:48,376 This isn't high school. 850 00:34:48,461 --> 00:34:50,212 Goddamn, I went to the wrong high school. 851 00:34:56,511 --> 00:34:58,678 Beverly Hills might seem glamorous, 852 00:34:58,763 --> 00:35:00,055 but you're not just cleaning hot tubs. 853 00:35:00,139 --> 00:35:03,433 You're cleaning famous people's hot tubs. 854 00:35:03,518 --> 00:35:04,309 Here's a little secret for you. 855 00:35:04,393 --> 00:35:07,104 Famous people, in general, are psychos. 856 00:35:09,190 --> 00:35:10,816 What the fuck are you doing on my property? 857 00:35:10,900 --> 00:35:12,234 I'm just here to clean the pool. 858 00:35:12,318 --> 00:35:14,694 - Let me see your ID. - My pool-cleaning ID? 859 00:35:14,779 --> 00:35:16,113 Do not be a smart-ass with me. 860 00:35:16,197 --> 00:35:18,198 I'm a certified member of the Beverly Hills Police Department. 861 00:35:18,282 --> 00:35:20,158 I have a license to kill you right now. 862 00:35:22,245 --> 00:35:24,079 Hey. 863 00:35:24,163 --> 00:35:25,372 Aren't you Tom Arnold? 864 00:35:25,456 --> 00:35:27,207 No, I'm Shaquille fuckin' O'Neal. 865 00:35:27,291 --> 00:35:29,793 - You work for the law? - I am the law, motherfucker. 866 00:35:29,877 --> 00:35:31,920 And it's not some honorary thing, either. 867 00:35:32,004 --> 00:35:33,213 I took down a thief. 868 00:35:33,297 --> 00:35:35,048 Okay, he was stealing one of my plasmas. 869 00:35:35,133 --> 00:35:37,759 My inner hero came out, I went Rambo on his ass. 870 00:35:37,844 --> 00:35:38,718 You beat him up? 871 00:35:38,803 --> 00:35:40,595 I ran him over with my Bentley. 872 00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:42,097 And I so impressed the chief of Police of Beverly Hills 873 00:35:42,181 --> 00:35:43,765 that he gave me this. 874 00:35:43,850 --> 00:35:45,142 There's a lot of weird shit going on in Beverly Hills 875 00:35:45,226 --> 00:35:46,852 people don't know about. 876 00:35:46,936 --> 00:35:48,228 Now word on the street is there's a prostitution ring 877 00:35:48,312 --> 00:35:50,772 being run out of this very neighborhood. 878 00:35:50,857 --> 00:35:52,440 Do you know anything about that? 879 00:35:52,525 --> 00:35:54,359 No, no, no, I don't know anything about that. 880 00:35:54,443 --> 00:35:56,111 Damn. 881 00:35:56,195 --> 00:35:58,780 'Cause I'm really horny... 882 00:35:58,865 --> 00:36:00,198 kinda perverted and... 883 00:36:00,283 --> 00:36:02,159 I'd just like to be a part of it. 884 00:36:02,243 --> 00:36:04,161 All right, I'm gonna go do my tantric yoga. 885 00:36:04,245 --> 00:36:06,121 Make me real limber. 886 00:36:06,205 --> 00:36:09,332 in about three weeks, I'll be able to blow myself. 887 00:36:09,417 --> 00:36:11,376 I may never get married again. 888 00:36:11,460 --> 00:36:12,794 You clean the pool. 889 00:36:12,879 --> 00:36:14,713 And keep it quiet out here, all right? 890 00:36:14,797 --> 00:36:15,088 Quiet! 891 00:36:25,391 --> 00:36:26,766 Alex Sperling. 892 00:36:26,851 --> 00:36:28,768 Shit! 893 00:36:28,853 --> 00:36:31,188 I said no fucking noise! 894 00:36:31,272 --> 00:36:32,439 You see what I mean? 895 00:36:32,523 --> 00:36:35,650 And Tom Arnold is one of the well-adjusted ones. 896 00:36:37,236 --> 00:36:39,070 - Here you go, Rog. - Thanks, Brad. 897 00:36:44,911 --> 00:36:46,453 Hey. 898 00:36:46,537 --> 00:36:47,829 What's up, cuz? 899 00:36:47,914 --> 00:36:49,122 How's the great American job search going? 900 00:36:49,207 --> 00:36:51,666 Well, I called 156 places, 901 00:36:51,751 --> 00:36:53,335 spent 20 minutes dialing, four hours on hold 902 00:36:53,419 --> 00:36:56,671 and three minutes being rejected by everyone 903 00:36:56,756 --> 00:36:59,507 and then capped off the day by being shot at by Tom Arnold. 904 00:36:59,592 --> 00:37:01,092 You didn't get hit, did you? 905 00:37:01,177 --> 00:37:02,802 - No. - Oh, you're fine. 906 00:37:04,222 --> 00:37:05,513 How was your day? 907 00:37:05,598 --> 00:37:07,224 My day was terrible, thank you for asking. 908 00:37:07,308 --> 00:37:09,976 I hung out with five ridiculously beautiful women. 909 00:37:10,061 --> 00:37:12,854 Can you say "high maintenance"? 910 00:37:12,939 --> 00:37:15,106 Look, I'm not gonna say that I'm over my head, 911 00:37:15,191 --> 00:37:18,276 but I might be just a little bit over my head. 912 00:37:18,361 --> 00:37:21,529 I could really use your help. 913 00:37:21,614 --> 00:37:22,781 Really? 914 00:37:22,865 --> 00:37:24,824 Yes. 915 00:37:24,909 --> 00:37:26,243 - Okay. - Seriously? 916 00:37:26,327 --> 00:37:28,328 - On one condition. - Yeah. 917 00:37:28,412 --> 00:37:31,206 Go ahead and name it. 918 00:37:31,290 --> 00:37:33,333 That you help me get the Westington Scholarship. 919 00:37:33,417 --> 00:37:35,210 And how do I do that? 920 00:37:35,294 --> 00:37:37,629 - By doing what you do best. - Which is? 921 00:37:37,713 --> 00:37:38,838 Bullshitting. 922 00:37:38,923 --> 00:37:40,423 Oh, I'm very good at bullshitting. 923 00:37:40,508 --> 00:37:42,217 Yeah, we're gonna make the scholarship committee think 924 00:37:42,301 --> 00:37:43,468 that I've been working for your 925 00:37:43,552 --> 00:37:45,804 "aquatic engineering firm" all summer, okay? 926 00:37:45,888 --> 00:37:46,930 And then you can help me with the paperwork 927 00:37:47,014 --> 00:37:49,182 and the interview and whatever else I need to do, 928 00:37:49,267 --> 00:37:50,267 but I need to get that scholarship. 929 00:37:50,351 --> 00:37:52,560 Yeah, that's it? 930 00:37:52,645 --> 00:37:55,522 - Deal? - Dude, deal, yes. 931 00:37:55,606 --> 00:37:57,315 You kidding me? 932 00:37:57,400 --> 00:37:58,525 Bah! 933 00:37:58,609 --> 00:38:00,318 So now we had Alex' business sense, 934 00:38:00,403 --> 00:38:02,112 my impressive people skills 935 00:38:02,196 --> 00:38:05,699 and five girls with majors in humping. 936 00:38:05,783 --> 00:38:07,659 Still, we were missing something. 937 00:38:07,743 --> 00:38:08,868 Los muscle. 938 00:38:08,953 --> 00:38:09,494 I don't think so. 939 00:38:09,578 --> 00:38:11,538 Hector, we're talking about 940 00:38:11,622 --> 00:38:13,498 a serious business opportunity here. 941 00:38:13,582 --> 00:38:14,416 Cara de rana, mira. 942 00:38:14,500 --> 00:38:16,751 No thank you. 943 00:38:16,836 --> 00:38:19,212 I have good business already, man, okay? 944 00:38:19,297 --> 00:38:20,505 Good luck. 945 00:38:20,589 --> 00:38:21,381 You used the wrong incentive. 946 00:38:21,465 --> 00:38:25,593 We'll help you land Señora Ashmore. 947 00:38:31,475 --> 00:38:34,019 How would you know that? 948 00:38:34,103 --> 00:38:34,269 Que paso? 949 00:38:36,314 --> 00:38:40,358 Rogelio, why would she go out with me, eh? 950 00:38:40,443 --> 00:38:42,444 I'm a gardener. 951 00:38:42,528 --> 00:38:44,237 You are a gardener. 952 00:38:44,322 --> 00:38:46,614 But you are muy handsome. 953 00:38:46,699 --> 00:38:49,284 Look, I mean, dude, she's not that picky. 954 00:38:49,368 --> 00:38:54,080 Yeah, yeah, Hector, she's a woman, she's lonely. 955 00:38:54,165 --> 00:38:55,957 Yeah, all you need is some dough. 956 00:38:56,042 --> 00:38:58,251 You upgrade your ride, you get some new threads, 957 00:38:58,336 --> 00:39:02,172 take her on the kind of date a woman like that deserves. 958 00:39:02,256 --> 00:39:03,631 Bennigan's? 959 00:39:03,716 --> 00:39:05,717 Olive Garden, baby. 960 00:39:08,012 --> 00:39:10,305 Olive Garden. 961 00:39:10,389 --> 00:39:11,264 We got business! 962 00:39:11,349 --> 00:39:14,142 - All right! - All right! 963 00:39:14,226 --> 00:39:15,310 - Hey, hey, hey! - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 964 00:39:15,394 --> 00:39:18,146 Hold on, hold on, buddy. 965 00:39:18,230 --> 00:39:19,981 Just like that, we were up and running. 966 00:39:20,066 --> 00:39:21,524 Alex laid out the business plan, 967 00:39:21,609 --> 00:39:24,110 Hector worked security and I-- 968 00:39:24,195 --> 00:39:27,489 Well, I did a lot of very important stuff. 969 00:39:27,573 --> 00:39:28,907 Point is, all of a sudden, 970 00:39:28,991 --> 00:39:30,992 we had a real business on our hands. 971 00:39:31,077 --> 00:39:32,285 All we needed was clients. 972 00:39:32,370 --> 00:39:33,286 Luckily, this was Beverly Hills. 973 00:39:33,371 --> 00:39:35,663 You can't throw a rock in Beverly Hills 974 00:39:35,748 --> 00:39:37,499 without hitting some horny rich guy. 975 00:39:37,583 --> 00:39:39,250 Yeah, Frank's an okay guy. 976 00:39:39,335 --> 00:39:40,835 I've cleaned his pool before. 977 00:39:40,920 --> 00:39:42,379 it definitely didn't look like this. 978 00:39:42,463 --> 00:39:43,963 I think it's gonna be an easy sale. 979 00:39:44,048 --> 00:39:45,715 Are you sure you don't need Roger for that? 980 00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:47,175 No, I think I can handle it. 981 00:39:47,259 --> 00:39:48,259 Oye, mira. 982 00:39:48,344 --> 00:39:49,886 Look, if he decides to call the police, 983 00:39:49,970 --> 00:39:51,096 you yell out my name, okay? 984 00:39:51,180 --> 00:39:52,389 - Comprendes Mendez? - Yeah. 985 00:39:52,473 --> 00:39:54,140 Comprendes, "friend-e." 986 00:39:54,225 --> 00:39:55,892 I don't think it's gonna be a problem, though. 987 00:39:55,976 --> 00:39:58,311 Cuantas veces le has dicho "comprendes Mendez" 988 00:39:58,396 --> 00:39:59,354 y este no agarra la palabra? 989 00:39:59,438 --> 00:40:02,357 Esta bonita la casa, no? 990 00:40:03,609 --> 00:40:07,070 Good morning, Frank. 991 00:40:07,154 --> 00:40:08,571 Alex. 992 00:40:08,656 --> 00:40:10,115 What are you doing here? 993 00:40:10,574 --> 00:40:13,535 How many years you been married, Frank? 994 00:40:13,619 --> 00:40:16,913 Oh, God, about 20 years, I guess. 995 00:40:17,498 --> 00:40:20,250 Wow. 996 00:40:20,334 --> 00:40:22,293 Sex with one person for all those years 997 00:40:22,378 --> 00:40:25,171 must be getting pretty-- 998 00:40:25,256 --> 00:40:26,673 Well, I don't wanna say stale. 999 00:40:26,757 --> 00:40:27,674 You can say stale. 1000 00:40:27,758 --> 00:40:30,260 Well, I just mean that after all that time, 1001 00:40:30,344 --> 00:40:32,512 you might be wanting a little variety? 1002 00:40:32,596 --> 00:40:36,474 Now, I'm sure your wife is wonderful, but sometimes, 1003 00:40:36,559 --> 00:40:40,562 you're looking for something different, right? 1004 00:40:40,646 --> 00:40:43,273 Are we talking... 1005 00:40:43,357 --> 00:40:44,357 a business transaction? 1006 00:40:44,442 --> 00:40:46,776 Yeah. 1007 00:40:46,861 --> 00:40:49,487 Something clean, private... 1008 00:40:49,572 --> 00:40:52,657 and our little secret. 1009 00:40:52,741 --> 00:40:54,576 Oh. 1010 00:40:54,660 --> 00:40:57,412 Well, to be honest, it wouldn't be the first time 1011 00:40:57,496 --> 00:40:59,581 - I've done something like this. - Really? 1012 00:40:59,665 --> 00:41:04,043 Yeah, well, back when I was stationed in Germany-- 1013 00:41:04,128 --> 00:41:05,545 Well, let's just say 1014 00:41:05,629 --> 00:41:08,631 I might have unloaded some friendly fire. 1015 00:41:11,302 --> 00:41:13,511 Well, a man's got to do what a man's got to do, right? 1016 00:41:15,514 --> 00:41:16,431 What the hell? 1017 00:41:16,515 --> 00:41:17,515 - I'll do it. - Great. 1018 00:41:17,600 --> 00:41:20,685 Well, we have a few different options for you, 1019 00:41:20,769 --> 00:41:22,687 I mean, depending on what your preference is. 1020 00:41:22,771 --> 00:41:23,980 I would probably go ahead and recommend 1021 00:41:24,064 --> 00:41:27,192 the starter... package. 1022 00:41:27,276 --> 00:41:28,485 Ready to deploy when you are, Private! 1023 00:41:28,569 --> 00:41:31,362 Oh, God! 1024 00:41:31,447 --> 00:41:32,530 Hector! 1025 00:41:32,615 --> 00:41:34,449 - Hector! - Hector? 1026 00:41:34,533 --> 00:41:36,868 All right, this just keeps getting better and better. 1027 00:41:36,952 --> 00:41:38,912 - Two for the price of one. - No, no, you don't understand. 1028 00:41:38,996 --> 00:41:40,371 Hector's not-- 1029 00:41:40,456 --> 00:41:41,748 Oh, my God! Shit! 1030 00:41:41,832 --> 00:41:43,583 I'm so-- oh, I'm really, really sorry, Frank. 1031 00:41:43,667 --> 00:41:46,127 No, it's okay. 1032 00:41:46,212 --> 00:41:47,420 The rougher the better! 1033 00:41:47,505 --> 00:41:49,547 No, no, no, Frank, there's been a misunderstanding, okay? 1034 00:41:49,632 --> 00:41:51,466 - Hector, please! - Hey. 1035 00:41:51,550 --> 00:41:53,676 You need Hector to go first, that's cool. 1036 00:41:53,761 --> 00:41:54,719 I'm up for whatever. 1037 00:41:54,803 --> 00:41:55,845 Pitcher, catcher, spectator. 1038 00:41:55,930 --> 00:41:58,473 Frank, there's gonna be no ball game of any kind! 1039 00:41:58,557 --> 00:42:00,892 So what? 1040 00:42:00,976 --> 00:42:03,353 You got the little general standing at attention 1041 00:42:03,437 --> 00:42:04,979 and it's, "Sorry, Frank, 1042 00:42:05,064 --> 00:42:06,481 go back to your wife, Frank"? 1043 00:42:06,565 --> 00:42:07,649 it's just that I'm not-- 1044 00:42:07,733 --> 00:42:10,109 You're just like Gary from racquetball-- 1045 00:42:10,194 --> 00:42:11,486 pants down, pussy out! 1046 00:42:13,572 --> 00:42:15,782 Oh, yeah, incoming. 1047 00:42:15,866 --> 00:42:17,951 Oh, Mexican sneak attack, I love it! 1048 00:42:19,537 --> 00:42:22,372 You didn't know Frank was gay ? 1049 00:42:22,456 --> 00:42:24,707 - He's got a wife and two kids. - So? 1050 00:42:24,792 --> 00:42:25,833 That doesn't mean anything. 1051 00:42:25,918 --> 00:42:26,918 This is Beverly Hills. 1052 00:42:27,002 --> 00:42:28,586 He probably needed a tax write-off. 1053 00:42:28,671 --> 00:42:30,463 Look, it's okay, one lost client won't kill us. 1054 00:42:30,548 --> 00:42:31,714 What other leads do you have? 1055 00:42:31,799 --> 00:42:33,341 Well, sort of none. 1056 00:42:33,425 --> 00:42:34,884 You can use my leads. 1057 00:42:35,928 --> 00:42:37,178 Where'd you get those? 1058 00:42:37,263 --> 00:42:38,805 What, you think I sit around all day jerking off 1059 00:42:38,889 --> 00:42:40,682 to Caitlin's workout videos? 1060 00:42:40,766 --> 00:42:42,559 That took like a minute and a half. 1061 00:42:42,643 --> 00:42:43,893 And then I hit the town. 1062 00:42:43,978 --> 00:42:46,145 Country clubs, golf courses, Porsche dealerships. 1063 00:42:46,230 --> 00:42:47,981 Basically, I went anywhere where rich guys 1064 00:42:48,065 --> 00:42:50,066 who don't get laid hang out. 1065 00:42:50,150 --> 00:42:51,693 Thank you, Roger. 1066 00:42:53,737 --> 00:42:55,947 Eurasia? 1067 00:42:56,031 --> 00:42:57,740 You're like a little hot ninja. 1068 00:43:01,787 --> 00:43:02,662 With my leads, business really took off. 1069 00:43:02,746 --> 00:43:05,623 Within a week, we had to fly new girls in. 1070 00:43:05,708 --> 00:43:08,126 Soon, every room in the house was rockin'. 1071 00:43:08,210 --> 00:43:09,502 And it wasn't just straight humping either-- no. 1072 00:43:09,587 --> 00:43:13,131 We were willing to serve any pervert with enough money. 1073 00:43:13,215 --> 00:43:15,717 You name it, we did it, right on down to my favorite, 1074 00:43:15,801 --> 00:43:18,469 the Algerian wang-a-doodle. 1075 00:43:18,554 --> 00:43:20,221 ♪ Everything's all right to say ♪ 1076 00:43:20,306 --> 00:43:23,933 ♪ I'm hoping to not getting nowhere ♪ 1077 00:43:24,018 --> 00:43:26,436 ♪ I could be wrong you could be right ♪ 1078 00:43:26,520 --> 00:43:29,105 ♪ But I'm giving up without a fight ♪ 1079 00:43:38,657 --> 00:43:44,078 ♪ I've got nothing left to say ♪ 1080 00:43:45,623 --> 00:43:47,332 ♪ So I'll just shut my mouth ♪ 1081 00:43:51,754 --> 00:43:54,255 - Keep pouring those drinks. - You bet. 1082 00:43:56,133 --> 00:43:56,758 Julia, looking good. 1083 00:43:56,842 --> 00:43:59,969 What's up, guys? 1084 00:44:00,054 --> 00:44:01,679 Hey, make sure you get more drinks at the bar, guys. 1085 00:44:01,764 --> 00:44:04,057 - Come on now, girl! - Jimmy... 1086 00:44:04,141 --> 00:44:07,060 Jimmy is bucking and soon we'll be fucking! 1087 00:44:07,144 --> 00:44:08,978 Hey, Hector, you good? 1088 00:44:09,063 --> 00:44:10,688 Come on, French maid, whip it! 1089 00:44:10,773 --> 00:44:11,564 Whip it good! 1090 00:44:18,947 --> 00:44:20,281 Hey, he's one of our best clients. 1091 00:44:20,366 --> 00:44:21,491 I know. 1092 00:44:21,575 --> 00:44:22,700 - Nice dress, baby. - Thanks, made it myself. 1093 00:44:22,785 --> 00:44:24,619 You guys good, everything's okay? 1094 00:44:26,830 --> 00:44:28,665 - You owe me one. - Hey. 1095 00:44:28,749 --> 00:44:29,707 Are there any rooms in here 1096 00:44:29,792 --> 00:44:32,418 that aren't being used for sex? 1097 00:44:32,503 --> 00:44:34,003 Possibly the bedrooms. 1098 00:44:34,088 --> 00:44:35,546 Which reminds me, don't go in the kitchen. 1099 00:44:35,631 --> 00:44:37,423 Oh, wait, where are we supposed to eat? 1100 00:44:37,508 --> 00:44:38,800 There's an Easy Oven in Bethany's room, 1101 00:44:38,884 --> 00:44:39,717 but don't take long, we're about to start a batch 1102 00:44:39,802 --> 00:44:42,637 of my famous magic brownies, all right? 1103 00:44:42,721 --> 00:44:45,473 Stop looking at my penis. 1104 00:44:45,557 --> 00:44:48,101 Roger, you're a fuck. 1105 00:44:48,185 --> 00:44:49,143 Push! 1106 00:44:49,228 --> 00:44:50,812 Just keep pushing, push! 1107 00:44:50,896 --> 00:44:52,772 Come on, Alex, we can take-- 1108 00:44:52,856 --> 00:44:55,650 Just keep pushing, just keep pushing her! 1109 00:44:57,778 --> 00:44:59,570 Yeah? 1110 00:44:59,655 --> 00:45:01,572 Alex, you have the telephone call. 1111 00:45:01,657 --> 00:45:02,990 Tell 'em I'm busy! 1112 00:45:03,075 --> 00:45:04,742 They say they call from Africa. 1113 00:45:04,827 --> 00:45:06,369 Oh, shit, that's my parents! 1114 00:45:06,453 --> 00:45:07,912 it's my parents! 1115 00:45:07,996 --> 00:45:09,747 Oh, you mother and father of Alex? 1116 00:45:09,832 --> 00:45:12,417 Oh, Hedda love Alex. 1117 00:45:12,501 --> 00:45:14,502 He's so sweet and so smart. 1118 00:45:14,586 --> 00:45:15,628 Here's Alex. 1119 00:45:15,713 --> 00:45:16,754 Hedda, Hedda, will you give me the phone please? 1120 00:45:16,839 --> 00:45:17,797 Hiya, Mom, Dad. 1121 00:45:17,881 --> 00:45:19,674 Who was that? 1122 00:45:19,758 --> 00:45:20,675 That's Hedda, Roger's office manager. 1123 00:45:20,759 --> 00:45:21,759 She's great. 1124 00:45:21,844 --> 00:45:23,636 What's up? 1125 00:45:23,721 --> 00:45:24,846 Honey, tell him about the wildebeest. 1126 00:45:24,930 --> 00:45:28,057 Your mother wants me to tell you that we saw a lion 1127 00:45:28,142 --> 00:45:30,810 chase down and kill a defenseless wildebeest. 1128 00:45:30,894 --> 00:45:33,396 - How's it going with Roger? - Tell him about the hippos. 1129 00:45:33,480 --> 00:45:35,773 He doesn't wanna hear about the hippos. 1130 00:45:35,858 --> 00:45:37,817 How is it going with the company? 1131 00:45:37,901 --> 00:45:39,193 Oh, it's really good. 1132 00:45:39,278 --> 00:45:40,695 Roger's... 1133 00:45:40,779 --> 00:45:43,448 He's hands-on. 1134 00:45:43,532 --> 00:45:44,282 Alex, I don't have to remind you 1135 00:45:44,366 --> 00:45:45,825 how important this scholarship is. 1136 00:45:45,909 --> 00:45:47,869 Don't worry, I'm not gonna let you down. 1137 00:45:47,953 --> 00:45:50,455 Okay, love you! 1138 00:45:54,585 --> 00:45:56,002 is this why you dropped out of Harvard? 1139 00:45:56,086 --> 00:45:58,463 it's effect, my brother, not a cause. 1140 00:46:00,340 --> 00:46:02,091 So did you flunk out? 1141 00:46:02,176 --> 00:46:03,885 Dude, I never flunked anything. 1142 00:46:03,969 --> 00:46:07,680 I'm talking about a 4.0, writing for the "Crimson," 1143 00:46:07,765 --> 00:46:08,890 singing with the Kroaks. 1144 00:46:08,974 --> 00:46:11,851 I was the BMOC. 1145 00:46:11,935 --> 00:46:12,685 Uhh. 1146 00:46:12,770 --> 00:46:14,854 So then why'd you leave? 1147 00:46:16,648 --> 00:46:19,484 I don't know, I just freaked out. 1148 00:46:19,568 --> 00:46:22,528 All I was doing was studying and working 1149 00:46:22,613 --> 00:46:23,905 and running on the treadmill 1150 00:46:23,989 --> 00:46:27,575 to keep up with all the other fucked-up overachieving robots. 1151 00:46:27,659 --> 00:46:29,702 I hate running on treadmills. 1152 00:46:29,787 --> 00:46:32,622 Wow, you're really making me excited to go, Rog, thanks. 1153 00:46:32,706 --> 00:46:34,832 I just want you to enjoy it. 1154 00:46:34,917 --> 00:46:36,918 I mean, it may be Harvard, but it's college, right? 1155 00:46:37,002 --> 00:46:42,381 College is supposed to be the best time of your life. 1156 00:46:42,466 --> 00:46:45,593 No, this is the best time of my life. 1157 00:46:45,677 --> 00:46:46,928 Can you imagine leaving all of this? 1158 00:46:51,391 --> 00:46:55,937 "And summer's lease hath all too short a date. 1159 00:46:56,021 --> 00:46:58,940 "Sometime... 1160 00:46:59,024 --> 00:47:00,983 "too hot the eye of heaven shines 1161 00:47:01,068 --> 00:47:07,031 and often is his gold complexion dimmed." 1162 00:47:07,115 --> 00:47:07,740 it's tight, right? 1163 00:47:10,035 --> 00:47:11,828 What? 1164 00:47:11,912 --> 00:47:14,247 it's just Shakespeare's way of saying 1165 00:47:14,331 --> 00:47:15,623 that in a few short weeks, 1166 00:47:15,707 --> 00:47:18,626 the Stensons will be home and you'll be off at Harvard 1167 00:47:18,710 --> 00:47:22,964 and I'll be back... cleaning this pool. 1168 00:47:23,048 --> 00:47:26,843 Only with slightly fewer gambling debts. 1169 00:47:26,927 --> 00:47:29,887 I think I liked that better in Shakespearean form. 1170 00:47:29,972 --> 00:47:33,474 Amen, my brother, amen. 1171 00:47:33,559 --> 00:47:35,726 You see all the people on the ship? 1172 00:47:35,811 --> 00:47:36,936 Hi! 1173 00:47:42,067 --> 00:47:44,694 That was the most elegant dump I've ever taken. 1174 00:47:46,697 --> 00:47:47,822 it's amazing how you Americans 1175 00:47:47,906 --> 00:47:49,323 are always challenging yourself. 1176 00:47:49,408 --> 00:47:50,533 Everything was going well, 1177 00:47:50,617 --> 00:47:51,784 but we knew there was still room for improvement. 1178 00:47:51,869 --> 00:47:55,705 That's why when the bachelorette party called... 1179 00:47:55,789 --> 00:47:58,040 Allow me to introduce to you, 1180 00:47:58,125 --> 00:48:00,960 Hector El Fueg-whoa! 1181 00:48:01,044 --> 00:48:02,920 Go, go, go, go. 1182 00:48:18,437 --> 00:48:19,478 Ahh! 1183 00:48:19,563 --> 00:48:21,022 Can you feel it, can you feel it?! 1184 00:48:21,106 --> 00:48:23,816 Give him the tushy, give him the tushy! 1185 00:48:23,901 --> 00:48:26,736 - Come on chiquitas. - Crushed! 1186 00:48:28,739 --> 00:48:31,282 - That's it, son. - Get him, get him! 1187 00:48:31,366 --> 00:48:33,826 He's hot tonight, ladies. 1188 00:48:36,121 --> 00:48:37,747 Crotch rocket, baby. 1189 00:48:39,374 --> 00:48:39,832 You will like it! 1190 00:48:39,917 --> 00:48:41,918 Ride the pony, girls. 1191 00:48:42,002 --> 00:48:43,085 Hey, hey! 1192 00:48:45,172 --> 00:48:46,505 Oh! 1193 00:48:46,590 --> 00:48:46,923 Give 'em the sex. 1194 00:48:51,345 --> 00:48:53,971 After "the flamenco incident," as it came to be known, 1195 00:48:54,056 --> 00:48:56,682 we decided to stick with our core competencies. 1196 00:48:56,767 --> 00:48:58,309 ... but you'll get used to him. 1197 00:48:58,393 --> 00:48:59,602 Oh, and remember, 1198 00:48:59,686 --> 00:49:02,355 anything he says, just go with it, okay? 1199 00:49:02,439 --> 00:49:04,398 Mr. Arnold? 1200 00:49:04,483 --> 00:49:06,067 We're here to clean your pool. 1201 00:49:06,151 --> 00:49:06,943 Stop right there, you son of a bitch! 1202 00:49:09,404 --> 00:49:09,904 No, no, no, no! 1203 00:49:09,988 --> 00:49:12,281 Mr. Arnold, please, stop! 1204 00:49:12,366 --> 00:49:13,324 Ahh... 1205 00:49:13,408 --> 00:49:16,452 Alex, I'm sorry, man, I didn't recognize you. 1206 00:49:16,536 --> 00:49:17,828 I'm really high on mushrooms. 1207 00:49:17,913 --> 00:49:18,996 - I'm sorry, Alex. - Cool. 1208 00:49:21,833 --> 00:49:22,917 Those chicks are hot, man. 1209 00:49:23,001 --> 00:49:25,294 They're really hot, man. 1210 00:49:25,379 --> 00:49:27,213 Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa! 1211 00:49:27,297 --> 00:49:28,422 Oh... 1212 00:49:28,507 --> 00:49:29,298 Whoa. 1213 00:49:29,383 --> 00:49:31,550 Am I glad I got my new defibrillator 1214 00:49:31,635 --> 00:49:33,094 after my last heart attack. 1215 00:49:33,178 --> 00:49:35,429 I'm just kidding, I'm kidding. 1216 00:49:35,514 --> 00:49:36,889 I'm healthier than I ever have been. 1217 00:49:36,974 --> 00:49:38,599 I swim three laps in that pool every day 1218 00:49:38,684 --> 00:49:40,184 whether I need it or not. 1219 00:49:40,268 --> 00:49:42,103 - Tom Arnold. - Clarissa. 1220 00:49:42,187 --> 00:49:43,562 - Clarissa. - Trish. 1221 00:49:43,647 --> 00:49:44,772 Trish. 1222 00:49:44,856 --> 00:49:46,023 - You guys are a couple, right? - Yes. 1223 00:49:46,108 --> 00:49:47,984 Yeah, well, I couldn't want to get your names wrong 1224 00:49:48,068 --> 00:49:49,652 in the heat of the battle. 1225 00:49:49,736 --> 00:49:52,571 I'm gonna show you my very own Golden Globe. 1226 00:49:52,656 --> 00:49:55,658 I've almost got Roseanne's name completely scratched off of it. 1227 00:49:57,577 --> 00:49:59,745 To us. 1228 00:49:59,830 --> 00:50:02,081 How magical. 1229 00:50:02,165 --> 00:50:05,084 Another prom night to remember. 1230 00:50:05,168 --> 00:50:08,838 Shall I fetch the children's menu? 1231 00:50:08,922 --> 00:50:10,631 - Joon? - Lin! 1232 00:50:20,600 --> 00:50:21,809 Girl! 1233 00:50:27,190 --> 00:50:31,277 I'll bring you a nice bottle of Dom. 1234 00:50:31,361 --> 00:50:34,030 All right, Lin, yes! 1235 00:50:34,114 --> 00:50:37,450 Dude, I thought you were, like, Cuban or something. 1236 00:50:42,247 --> 00:50:45,207 Damas y caballeros. 1237 00:50:45,292 --> 00:50:46,542 Con permiso. 1238 00:50:46,626 --> 00:50:47,543 Excuse me. 1239 00:50:47,627 --> 00:50:50,379 There is a flower that needs to be attended. 1240 00:50:52,591 --> 00:50:53,883 He is a gardener. 1241 00:50:57,429 --> 00:50:59,388 A rose for a rose. 1242 00:50:59,473 --> 00:51:01,307 Buenas noches, Señora Ashmore. 1243 00:51:01,391 --> 00:51:03,976 Hector, what a pleasant surprise. 1244 00:51:04,061 --> 00:51:05,144 A beautiful woman shouldn't be alone. 1245 00:51:08,023 --> 00:51:09,648 Will you join me for dinner tonight? 1246 00:51:09,733 --> 00:51:11,192 Oh, I would love to. 1247 00:51:11,276 --> 00:51:14,236 This place is really nice, but I prefer Olive Garden. 1248 00:51:15,238 --> 00:51:17,073 - Olive Garden! - Yeah! 1249 00:51:17,157 --> 00:51:19,408 La cuenta, cabrón! 1250 00:51:28,627 --> 00:51:30,211 - Thank you. - For what? 1251 00:51:30,295 --> 00:51:33,589 You're actually one of the best friends I've ever had. 1252 00:51:36,093 --> 00:51:37,218 Then thank you. 1253 00:51:40,097 --> 00:51:42,723 Although... 1254 00:51:42,808 --> 00:51:45,267 What? 1255 00:51:45,352 --> 00:51:46,977 Never mind. 1256 00:51:49,231 --> 00:51:53,984 it's just that, you know, best friends, 1257 00:51:54,069 --> 00:51:56,195 it's usually not... 1258 00:51:58,698 --> 00:52:00,491 You know what I mean. 1259 00:52:00,575 --> 00:52:02,118 Yeah. 1260 00:52:04,371 --> 00:52:06,122 Hey. 1261 00:52:06,206 --> 00:52:09,834 Don't knock friendship. 1262 00:52:09,918 --> 00:52:13,963 Finding someone you care about who cares about you, 1263 00:52:14,047 --> 00:52:16,090 that's the hard part. 1264 00:52:16,174 --> 00:52:18,134 Okay, maybe Alex had other things on his mind. 1265 00:52:18,218 --> 00:52:21,303 His big interview for the Westinghouse Scholarship 1266 00:52:21,388 --> 00:52:22,721 was the next day, 1267 00:52:22,806 --> 00:52:24,849 so while everyone was sleeping off their hangovers, 1268 00:52:24,933 --> 00:52:27,101 we made the downstairs look legit and professional. 1269 00:52:29,563 --> 00:52:30,479 Oh, my God. 1270 00:52:30,564 --> 00:52:31,939 Oh, my God, he's here! 1271 00:52:32,023 --> 00:52:33,065 Oh, my God, he's here! 1272 00:52:33,150 --> 00:52:35,526 Let him in and act like a pro! 1273 00:52:35,610 --> 00:52:38,070 Not like a pro, like a secretary! 1274 00:52:38,155 --> 00:52:38,737 Shit. 1275 00:52:38,822 --> 00:52:40,573 - All right, ready? - Yeah. 1276 00:52:40,657 --> 00:52:43,117 Hello, sir, and welcome to your... 1277 00:52:43,201 --> 00:52:47,454 And just when I thought things were going perfect. 1278 00:52:47,539 --> 00:52:50,249 Roger? 1279 00:52:50,333 --> 00:52:52,751 What the hell are you doing here... in my suit? 1280 00:52:52,836 --> 00:52:54,753 Oh, my God, is that my Prada? 1281 00:52:54,838 --> 00:52:56,213 - it looks so good on you. - Thank you. 1282 00:52:56,298 --> 00:52:58,174 Caitlin, please. 1283 00:52:58,258 --> 00:52:59,258 Bethany, go to your room. 1284 00:53:02,429 --> 00:53:03,429 Will you do something? 1285 00:53:03,513 --> 00:53:06,056 Tucker's gonna be here any second! 1286 00:53:06,141 --> 00:53:07,725 Roger. 1287 00:53:07,809 --> 00:53:09,310 Mr. Stenson. 1288 00:53:09,394 --> 00:53:11,187 What the hell is going on here? 1289 00:53:13,773 --> 00:53:15,316 There is a... 1290 00:53:15,400 --> 00:53:18,277 We are here and we saw... 1291 00:53:21,364 --> 00:53:23,365 You're not supposed to be home yet. 1292 00:53:23,450 --> 00:53:25,284 Well, Bethany didn't like France. 1293 00:53:25,368 --> 00:53:27,369 They were all ruder than she was. 1294 00:53:27,454 --> 00:53:28,287 I can see that. 1295 00:53:29,372 --> 00:53:31,207 Bethany! 1296 00:53:31,291 --> 00:53:33,042 I'm sure she's fine. 1297 00:53:33,460 --> 00:53:35,127 Daddy, Daddy! 1298 00:53:35,212 --> 00:53:38,088 Oh, my God, Daddy, look what they did! 1299 00:53:39,424 --> 00:53:40,466 Bethany! 1300 00:53:40,550 --> 00:53:41,634 Oh! 1301 00:53:41,718 --> 00:53:43,969 They turned him into a girl! 1302 00:53:44,054 --> 00:53:46,305 Sir, without a penis, it was really just a matter of time. 1303 00:53:46,389 --> 00:53:48,390 They broke my tea set, bent my baton 1304 00:53:48,475 --> 00:53:50,392 and they used my Easy Oven! 1305 00:53:50,477 --> 00:53:53,145 You-- you didn't eat one of those brownies, did you? 1306 00:53:53,230 --> 00:53:54,855 I can eat whatever I want! 1307 00:53:54,940 --> 00:53:58,275 it's my oven and it's my room and it's my... 1308 00:53:58,360 --> 00:54:01,028 my... my... 1309 00:54:02,364 --> 00:54:04,365 I could so eat the fuck out of a milk shake right now. 1310 00:54:08,954 --> 00:54:10,412 Let's leave your daddy alone. 1311 00:54:10,497 --> 00:54:12,081 You're pretty. 1312 00:54:14,125 --> 00:54:16,001 Okay, Mr. Stenson. 1313 00:54:16,086 --> 00:54:20,005 Sir, we apologize, but... 1314 00:54:20,090 --> 00:54:21,298 I think there's something that we could probably work-- 1315 00:54:21,383 --> 00:54:24,134 Save your breath, kid. 1316 00:54:24,219 --> 00:54:28,347 So, considering that you stole my clothes, 1317 00:54:28,431 --> 00:54:31,850 you turned my home into a whorehouse, 1318 00:54:31,935 --> 00:54:33,269 I have one question for you. 1319 00:54:33,353 --> 00:54:35,646 - How much you make here? - What are you talking about? 1320 00:54:35,730 --> 00:54:36,939 Spare me, Sperling. 1321 00:54:37,023 --> 00:54:39,650 I'm an asshole, not an idiot. 1322 00:54:39,734 --> 00:54:40,359 These girls are hookers, huh? 1323 00:54:40,443 --> 00:54:42,194 - Hey. - You're a hooker, right? 1324 00:54:44,906 --> 00:54:46,198 Hey! 1325 00:54:46,283 --> 00:54:48,659 - They prefer "escorts." - Oh, really? 1326 00:54:48,743 --> 00:54:55,791 How much did you make? 1327 00:54:55,875 --> 00:54:58,168 if I were a couple of stoner idiots running a brothel, 1328 00:54:58,253 --> 00:55:02,298 where would I hide my stash, I have to ask myself, huh? 1329 00:55:02,382 --> 00:55:04,008 So... 1330 00:55:04,092 --> 00:55:07,761 Oh, yeah, getting warm, getting warmer, huh? 1331 00:55:07,846 --> 00:55:09,263 I'm hot-- ooh, I'm on fire. 1332 00:55:09,347 --> 00:55:11,390 Oh, yeah, I'm right on the money. 1333 00:55:15,145 --> 00:55:16,603 Shit. 1334 00:55:19,733 --> 00:55:20,774 What do we got here? 1335 00:55:20,859 --> 00:55:22,818 Let's see here. 1336 00:55:22,902 --> 00:55:25,237 Oh, the mother lode. 1337 00:55:29,534 --> 00:55:32,995 Now, I'm a businessman, 1338 00:55:33,079 --> 00:55:34,747 so I'm gonna give you a choice. 1339 00:55:34,831 --> 00:55:39,126 Option one: I call the cops, you go to jail. 1340 00:55:39,210 --> 00:55:42,421 Option two: you hand over whatever you made to me. 1341 00:55:42,505 --> 00:55:46,133 We can call it rent. 1342 00:55:54,559 --> 00:55:56,810 Excuse me. 1343 00:55:56,895 --> 00:55:57,978 I'm not sure I have the right house. 1344 00:55:58,063 --> 00:55:59,980 I'm looking for Alex Sperling? 1345 00:56:00,065 --> 00:56:01,065 Yes. 1346 00:56:01,149 --> 00:56:02,274 Hello, I'm Alex Sperling. 1347 00:56:02,359 --> 00:56:05,736 Donovan Tucker, Westington Scholarship Committee. 1348 00:56:05,820 --> 00:56:07,154 Absolutely. 1349 00:56:07,238 --> 00:56:09,448 This doesn't taste like cherries. 1350 00:56:11,534 --> 00:56:14,078 is she okay? 1351 00:56:15,997 --> 00:56:17,414 Sorry, sir, the whorehouse is closed. 1352 00:56:20,585 --> 00:56:22,711 Whorehouse? 1353 00:56:22,796 --> 00:56:23,545 I think you misunderstood. 1354 00:56:23,630 --> 00:56:25,964 I'm from the Westington Scholarship 1355 00:56:26,049 --> 00:56:26,799 for Business Leadership. 1356 00:56:26,883 --> 00:56:29,218 I have an interview with Alex here. 1357 00:56:29,302 --> 00:56:30,344 Oh, we gotta talk. 1358 00:56:32,889 --> 00:56:36,100 And that was the end of Alex's scholarship interview. 1359 00:56:44,818 --> 00:56:46,985 I am-- I'm so sorry, you guys. 1360 00:56:47,070 --> 00:56:47,945 Why? 1361 00:56:48,029 --> 00:56:49,696 I'm not. 1362 00:56:49,781 --> 00:56:52,866 Come on, who needs that guy and his scholarship? 1363 00:56:52,951 --> 00:56:55,285 You know, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. 1364 00:56:55,370 --> 00:56:57,538 That's Nietzsche, right? 1365 00:56:57,622 --> 00:57:00,499 Nietzsche died syphilitic and insane. 1366 00:57:00,583 --> 00:57:03,419 Well, I'm just saying, this could be a good thing. 1367 00:57:03,503 --> 00:57:05,754 Who wants to get on that treadmill 1368 00:57:05,839 --> 00:57:07,589 with those fucked-up robots anyway? 1369 00:57:07,674 --> 00:57:09,174 That's what you said, right? 1370 00:57:09,259 --> 00:57:10,926 - You don't mean that. - Yeah, I do. 1371 00:57:11,010 --> 00:57:12,553 Come on, we've still got the clients and the girls. 1372 00:57:12,637 --> 00:57:14,555 Alex, I don't think you fully understand 1373 00:57:14,639 --> 00:57:15,722 what just happened here. 1374 00:57:15,807 --> 00:57:19,059 This is your life-- Harvard, your future, everything. 1375 00:57:20,728 --> 00:57:21,687 Oh, come on, Laura. 1376 00:57:21,771 --> 00:57:23,355 Hey, give her time, let her go. 1377 00:57:23,440 --> 00:57:25,357 Well, what's she so upset about, man? 1378 00:57:25,442 --> 00:57:27,526 I mean, this is the life of fun and freedom, right? 1379 00:57:27,610 --> 00:57:29,653 Not Harvard. 1380 00:57:29,737 --> 00:57:31,738 You think this is freedom? 1381 00:57:31,823 --> 00:57:33,323 Freedom is graduating college 1382 00:57:33,408 --> 00:57:36,952 and having your pick of careers, right? 1383 00:57:37,036 --> 00:57:40,205 it's income and respect 1384 00:57:40,290 --> 00:57:43,208 and choices-- choices, dude, that's freedom. 1385 00:57:43,293 --> 00:57:44,460 And this, this is bullshit. 1386 00:57:44,544 --> 00:57:47,045 Look, I can scrounge together some money 1387 00:57:47,130 --> 00:57:48,505 to get you a ticket back-- 1388 00:57:48,590 --> 00:57:50,007 Why the fuck should I listen to you? 1389 00:57:50,091 --> 00:57:51,925 You've been lying to me for years 1390 00:57:52,010 --> 00:57:53,093 and the fact of the matter is 1391 00:57:53,178 --> 00:57:54,970 is that if you would have been man enough to admit 1392 00:57:55,054 --> 00:57:56,138 that you were a pool boy 1393 00:57:56,222 --> 00:57:57,556 I'd probably never be out here in the first place, 1394 00:57:57,640 --> 00:57:59,641 because I sure as hell 1395 00:57:59,726 --> 00:58:01,560 would never spend my entire summer with a loser! 1396 00:58:28,004 --> 00:58:29,463 Leave the homeless man alone. 1397 00:58:30,673 --> 00:58:33,842 Hey, it's my guardian angel! 1398 00:58:33,927 --> 00:58:35,302 What the heck are you doing here, man? 1399 00:58:35,386 --> 00:58:37,262 Come here, give me some love, bro. 1400 00:58:37,347 --> 00:58:39,306 So good to see you, man. 1401 00:58:39,390 --> 00:58:40,390 Hey, guess what? 1402 00:58:40,475 --> 00:58:41,391 I learned Mexican. 1403 00:58:46,481 --> 00:58:47,439 I gotta tell you, man. 1404 00:58:47,524 --> 00:58:49,233 Getting booted out of that shit-hole apartment, 1405 00:58:49,317 --> 00:58:50,609 best thing that ever happened to me. 1406 00:58:50,693 --> 00:58:51,944 Really? 1407 00:58:52,028 --> 00:58:53,612 Yeah, I left town and went and lived a little bit 1408 00:58:53,696 --> 00:58:55,155 and I just cleared the biggest deal 1409 00:58:55,240 --> 00:58:56,615 - of my life down in Oaxaca. - Congratulations. 1410 00:58:56,699 --> 00:59:00,619 And it is all thanks to you, man. 1411 00:59:00,703 --> 00:59:04,540 This guy is a lifesaver! 1412 00:59:04,624 --> 00:59:05,999 No, seriously, man. 1413 00:59:06,084 --> 00:59:07,668 Everybody had written old Eddie off, but you saved me, 1414 00:59:07,752 --> 00:59:09,586 'cause you gave me the best advice of my life. 1415 00:59:09,671 --> 00:59:11,463 Really, what was that? 1416 00:59:11,548 --> 00:59:13,298 You said, "Snap out of it!" 1417 00:59:13,383 --> 00:59:14,758 And I was like, fuck, man! 1418 00:59:14,842 --> 00:59:16,343 This little bird here is right. 1419 00:59:16,427 --> 00:59:18,512 I gotta grow a pair and man up my own shit, you know? 1420 00:59:18,596 --> 00:59:20,389 Just because you're at the bottom, doesn't mean 1421 00:59:20,473 --> 00:59:21,765 - you're out, right? - Sure. 1422 00:59:21,849 --> 00:59:22,558 if you were at the bottom, you know which way you're swimming, 1423 00:59:22,642 --> 00:59:24,726 - you know what I'm saying? - What? 1424 00:59:24,811 --> 00:59:26,061 Right, puppies? 1425 00:59:26,145 --> 00:59:27,813 Hey, I'm gonna go get strip-searched. 1426 00:59:27,897 --> 00:59:29,690 Buenos tacos, man! 1427 00:59:29,774 --> 00:59:30,649 What's up, fellas, how you doing? 1428 00:59:36,531 --> 00:59:37,573 He's a good kid, you know. 1429 00:59:37,657 --> 00:59:39,199 I mean, he's good-looking and he's smart. 1430 00:59:39,284 --> 00:59:42,119 He's better off than both of us put together. 1431 00:59:42,203 --> 00:59:44,538 - You must be very proud. - Thanks, Brad. 1432 00:59:44,622 --> 00:59:45,664 I don't know if it's proud, really. 1433 00:59:45,748 --> 00:59:47,624 Jealous is more like it. 1434 00:59:49,961 --> 00:59:53,338 - I knew you'd be here. - Speak of the devil. 1435 00:59:53,423 --> 00:59:55,465 What, did you come back to insult me some more? 1436 00:59:55,550 --> 00:59:57,342 No. 1437 00:59:57,427 --> 00:59:58,969 I apologize, okay? 1438 00:59:59,053 --> 00:59:59,720 I was a real asshole. 1439 01:00:02,682 --> 01:00:04,224 Wow, all right. 1440 01:00:04,309 --> 01:00:06,518 Apology accepted. 1441 01:00:06,603 --> 01:00:08,604 So what's up, you need air fare? 1442 01:00:08,688 --> 01:00:10,188 No, no. 1443 01:00:10,273 --> 01:00:11,648 I'm not going back to Michigan with my tail between my legs. 1444 01:00:11,733 --> 01:00:15,110 I was thinking, if we get all the girls together, 1445 01:00:15,194 --> 01:00:16,194 if we get all the clients together, 1446 01:00:16,279 --> 01:00:17,946 we could make a lot of money. 1447 01:00:18,031 --> 01:00:19,740 - You think so? - Yeah. 1448 01:00:19,824 --> 01:00:21,783 You know, one good party, 1449 01:00:21,868 --> 01:00:24,536 we could make three or four Harvard tuitions. 1450 01:00:24,621 --> 01:00:26,622 You know what you could do? 1451 01:00:26,706 --> 01:00:28,457 You could make... 1452 01:00:28,541 --> 01:00:31,835 two full tuitions and, like, killer housing, with books. 1453 01:00:31,919 --> 01:00:33,795 Why would we need two? 1454 01:00:33,880 --> 01:00:35,505 Look, they always said to me, 1455 01:00:35,590 --> 01:00:38,508 when you're ready to come back, come back. 1456 01:00:40,928 --> 01:00:43,680 And I'm thinking... I'm ready. 1457 01:00:43,765 --> 01:00:45,140 - Are you serious? - Yes. 1458 01:00:45,224 --> 01:00:46,224 This is great, that's great. 1459 01:00:46,309 --> 01:00:47,434 One good party then. 1460 01:00:47,518 --> 01:00:50,771 One big fucking bash. 1461 01:00:50,855 --> 01:00:51,980 - All right. - All right? 1462 01:00:52,065 --> 01:00:52,689 Yes, let's do it. 1463 01:00:58,780 --> 01:01:02,616 Hi. 1464 01:01:04,827 --> 01:01:07,204 So we came up with a plan to get our money back, 1465 01:01:07,288 --> 01:01:09,289 but we're gonna need your help. 1466 01:01:09,374 --> 01:01:10,457 Don't panic. 1467 01:01:10,541 --> 01:01:12,250 it's like my good friend Aristotle once said. 1468 01:01:12,335 --> 01:01:15,337 He said, "in the arena of life, it is..." 1469 01:01:15,421 --> 01:01:16,713 ♪ Look at me ♪ 1470 01:01:16,798 --> 01:01:20,133 Fuck what that guy said. 1471 01:01:20,218 --> 01:01:23,428 ♪ More than the blood in my veins ♪ 1472 01:01:24,972 --> 01:01:27,432 ♪ The scenery ♪ 1473 01:01:27,517 --> 01:01:29,267 ♪ is changing so fast... ♪ 1474 01:01:29,352 --> 01:01:29,810 I'm sorry. 1475 01:01:29,894 --> 01:01:32,437 I'm sorry, too. 1476 01:01:32,689 --> 01:01:34,606 I have some experience with bad decisions 1477 01:01:34,691 --> 01:01:36,983 and I was upset that you weren't 1478 01:01:37,068 --> 01:01:40,278 taking your future seriously. 1479 01:01:40,363 --> 01:01:41,822 But you don't walk out on people you care about. 1480 01:01:41,906 --> 01:01:44,241 Even if they're being an idiot? 1481 01:01:44,325 --> 01:01:46,785 Especially if they're being an idiot. 1482 01:01:46,869 --> 01:01:47,744 Yeah, you used the wrong incentive, pal. 1483 01:01:47,829 --> 01:01:51,039 Yeah, I got that much. 1484 01:01:51,124 --> 01:01:51,707 So what's the plan? 1485 01:01:51,791 --> 01:01:53,959 I'm so excited! 1486 01:01:54,043 --> 01:01:56,795 We're gonna have champagne fountains and tiki torches 1487 01:01:56,879 --> 01:01:58,505 and I have the perfect caterer. 1488 01:01:58,589 --> 01:02:00,507 We used him for my husband's funeral. 1489 01:02:00,591 --> 01:02:02,050 God rest his soul. 1490 01:02:02,135 --> 01:02:05,053 ♪ Me siento loco por tu amor ♪ 1491 01:02:07,181 --> 01:02:08,390 My friends! 1492 01:02:08,474 --> 01:02:09,975 What are you doing here? 1493 01:02:10,059 --> 01:02:11,768 Honey, we're gonna have a party. 1494 01:02:11,853 --> 01:02:13,520 Like last night? 1495 01:02:13,604 --> 01:02:15,355 Yeah, but just with more people. 1496 01:02:15,440 --> 01:02:18,316 ♪ Let the rain fall down on me ♪ 1497 01:02:18,401 --> 01:02:20,193 ♪ it feels so good ♪ 1498 01:02:20,278 --> 01:02:22,195 ♪ Feels so good ♪ 1499 01:02:22,280 --> 01:02:24,823 ♪ And let me take control of you ♪ 1500 01:02:24,907 --> 01:02:26,742 ♪ You know I could ♪ 1501 01:02:26,826 --> 01:02:30,412 ♪ You know I would... ♪ 1502 01:02:31,956 --> 01:02:33,790 Hey, how's it going? 1503 01:02:35,877 --> 01:02:37,127 Good to see you. 1504 01:02:37,211 --> 01:02:37,961 Hello, ladies. 1505 01:02:38,045 --> 01:02:39,045 Have a good time. 1506 01:02:39,130 --> 01:02:41,047 Joon, thank you so much for coming. 1507 01:02:41,132 --> 01:02:42,632 I am at your service. 1508 01:02:44,051 --> 01:02:45,051 Okay. 1509 01:02:45,136 --> 01:02:46,762 Carry on, all right? 1510 01:02:46,846 --> 01:02:48,472 Hey, Eddie! 1511 01:02:48,556 --> 01:02:50,140 - Yo, Alex. - What are you doing here, man? 1512 01:02:50,224 --> 01:02:51,641 I thought you were in jail. 1513 01:02:51,726 --> 01:02:53,143 Bailed out this morning. 1514 01:02:53,227 --> 01:02:54,644 My dad's the biggest lawyer in LA. 1515 01:02:54,729 --> 01:02:55,896 Cool. 1516 01:02:55,980 --> 01:02:58,482 - Have fun, okay? - Drinks. 1517 01:03:02,820 --> 01:03:04,029 Hey, have fun, sir. 1518 01:03:04,822 --> 01:03:06,782 Hey! 1519 01:03:12,205 --> 01:03:13,789 Oh, get out of here. 1520 01:03:13,873 --> 01:03:16,875 You don't look so bad yourself. 1521 01:03:18,461 --> 01:03:20,879 Are you ready to start this party? 1522 01:03:20,963 --> 01:03:23,131 "Hell yeah. 1523 01:03:23,216 --> 01:03:23,757 Where do you want me to set up?" 1524 01:03:23,841 --> 01:03:25,926 Uh, out back? 1525 01:03:26,010 --> 01:03:28,428 Okay, good. 1526 01:03:28,513 --> 01:03:29,721 Good work, boys, thank you very much. 1527 01:03:29,806 --> 01:03:32,057 So you know sign language? 1528 01:03:32,141 --> 01:03:33,391 it's either that 1529 01:03:33,476 --> 01:03:34,392 or I just told our DJ to steal second base. 1530 01:03:34,477 --> 01:03:37,312 Well, not to be critical, but our DJ's deaf? 1531 01:03:37,396 --> 01:03:38,772 Beethoven was deaf every day of his life. 1532 01:03:38,856 --> 01:03:40,857 He rocked out. 1533 01:03:40,942 --> 01:03:43,610 Yeah, but he was smart and stuff. 1534 01:03:44,028 --> 01:03:45,987 Hey. 1535 01:03:46,072 --> 01:03:47,447 Good luck. 1536 01:03:47,532 --> 01:03:50,408 ♪ Let the rain fall down on me ♪ 1537 01:03:50,493 --> 01:03:53,203 ♪ it feels so good ♪ 1538 01:03:53,287 --> 01:03:54,412 Trish, there you are. 1539 01:03:54,497 --> 01:03:54,913 Someone said you were looking for me. 1540 01:03:54,997 --> 01:03:57,207 What's wrong, you okay? 1541 01:03:57,291 --> 01:03:58,750 Roger, Mr. Lewis passed out halfway through my session. 1542 01:03:58,835 --> 01:04:00,836 Do I charge him full price or half price? 1543 01:04:00,920 --> 01:04:04,172 No, double, charge him double. 1544 01:04:04,257 --> 01:04:05,423 Teach him a lesson. 1545 01:04:05,508 --> 01:04:08,051 Okay, good, there you go. 1546 01:04:08,135 --> 01:04:09,803 Mrs. Stenson, what are you here? 1547 01:04:09,887 --> 01:04:10,804 Are-- are you even 21 years old? 1548 01:04:10,888 --> 01:04:13,890 I know, I'm so sorry. 1549 01:04:13,975 --> 01:04:15,058 I didn't mean to crash your party, 1550 01:04:15,142 --> 01:04:16,268 but it sounded like so much fun. 1551 01:04:16,352 --> 01:04:18,645 Don't-- don't touch her. 1552 01:04:22,191 --> 01:04:23,567 Hey, cuz, what's up, man? 1553 01:04:23,651 --> 01:04:25,443 - This party's banging. - Alex, Alex, donde estas? 1554 01:04:25,528 --> 01:04:26,528 Donde estas? 1555 01:04:26,612 --> 01:04:27,571 Hey, hey, hey, tut-tut-tut-tut-tut... 1556 01:04:27,655 --> 01:04:29,656 No, no, no, no, no, no, ta-ta-ta-ta-ta nada! 1557 01:04:29,740 --> 01:04:31,241 The basement is supposed to be the dungeon 1558 01:04:31,325 --> 01:04:33,118 and this one brought her first two guys down there. 1559 01:04:34,370 --> 01:04:35,954 Roger, answer this. 1560 01:04:36,038 --> 01:04:37,205 Hey, ladies, please, ladies! 1561 01:04:37,290 --> 01:04:38,748 Just, um... 1562 01:04:38,833 --> 01:04:39,833 Okay, how about you take the first 1563 01:04:39,917 --> 01:04:40,834 20 minutes in the dungeon, you take the second. 1564 01:04:40,918 --> 01:04:42,919 is 20 minutes good, pal? 1565 01:04:43,004 --> 01:04:44,421 That's bullshit! 1566 01:04:44,505 --> 01:04:46,715 Hey, Uncle Marty, what's going on? 1567 01:04:46,799 --> 01:04:48,258 What's all that noise? 1568 01:04:48,342 --> 01:04:51,261 Oh, just a little Harvard soiree. 1569 01:04:51,345 --> 01:04:52,929 A couple of the alumni boys and I thought 1570 01:04:53,014 --> 01:04:54,639 we'd send Alex off right. 1571 01:04:54,724 --> 01:04:56,141 Oh, it's a great idea. 1572 01:04:56,225 --> 01:04:57,475 is James Kellogg there? 1573 01:04:57,560 --> 01:04:58,977 You know, he runs the business school at Harvard 1574 01:04:59,061 --> 01:05:00,645 and he's in town giving a lecture. 1575 01:05:00,730 --> 01:05:03,231 Yeah, I'm pretty sure he's not here. 1576 01:05:03,316 --> 01:05:03,982 Bob Knuss there? 1577 01:05:04,066 --> 01:05:06,276 No. 1578 01:05:06,360 --> 01:05:08,695 Okay, well, look, don't tell Alex, 1579 01:05:08,779 --> 01:05:10,906 but Nancy and I have a long layover here in LA 1580 01:05:10,990 --> 01:05:12,908 and we're gonna come by and surprise you guys. 1581 01:05:15,286 --> 01:05:16,745 Mission accomplished. 1582 01:05:16,829 --> 01:05:18,663 Okay, we'll see you soon. 1583 01:05:19,999 --> 01:05:21,583 He can't wait. 1584 01:05:21,667 --> 01:05:23,084 What the hell are we gonna do? 1585 01:05:23,169 --> 01:05:25,503 I'm dead, I am dead. 1586 01:05:25,588 --> 01:05:27,797 Dude, did I tell your parents 1587 01:05:27,882 --> 01:05:28,965 that we were running a brothel? 1588 01:05:29,050 --> 01:05:31,009 Did I tell them that we were big ol' pimps? 1589 01:05:31,093 --> 01:05:34,930 Did I tell them anything other than the fact 1590 01:05:35,014 --> 01:05:36,890 that we were having a Harvard function? 1591 01:05:39,143 --> 01:05:41,603 We could totally do it. 1592 01:05:41,687 --> 01:05:44,189 Okay. 1593 01:05:44,273 --> 01:05:46,191 We can do this. 1594 01:05:46,275 --> 01:05:46,942 We have to do this. 1595 01:05:47,026 --> 01:05:49,319 Hello. 1596 01:05:49,403 --> 01:05:50,654 How's it going? 1597 01:05:50,738 --> 01:05:52,113 My name is Roger Sperling, 1598 01:05:52,198 --> 01:05:54,491 I'm one of your host/pimps for this evening. 1599 01:05:54,575 --> 01:05:56,076 First of all, I wanna say thank you all so much 1600 01:05:56,160 --> 01:05:58,578 for changing into your Harvard garb so quickly. 1601 01:05:58,663 --> 01:06:02,040 You all look fantastic and very stuck-up, so thank you for that. 1602 01:06:02,124 --> 01:06:04,292 A couple points I wanna talk about tonight. 1603 01:06:04,377 --> 01:06:06,086 it's essential that at any time 1604 01:06:06,170 --> 01:06:08,421 we are outside of the bang-bang rooms, 1605 01:06:08,506 --> 01:06:10,173 we maintain the Harvard persona, 1606 01:06:10,257 --> 01:06:11,466 'cause we don't want young Alex 1607 01:06:11,550 --> 01:06:13,593 to get busted by his parents, okay? 1608 01:06:13,678 --> 01:06:15,053 A couple talking points. 1609 01:06:15,137 --> 01:06:16,930 Your favorite class is Professor Dougal's 1610 01:06:17,014 --> 01:06:18,390 intro to Psych. 1611 01:06:18,474 --> 01:06:19,224 Everyone loves that class. 1612 01:06:19,308 --> 01:06:21,935 You always played lacrosse, squash 1613 01:06:22,019 --> 01:06:23,687 or ultimate Frisbee in the quad. 1614 01:06:23,771 --> 01:06:25,063 Any sport that takes no athletic ability whatsoever, 1615 01:06:25,147 --> 01:06:27,023 you played it. 1616 01:06:27,108 --> 01:06:28,024 And if you run out of anything to say, 1617 01:06:28,109 --> 01:06:31,569 just talk shit about Yale. 1618 01:06:31,654 --> 01:06:32,696 Got it? 1619 01:06:32,780 --> 01:06:34,614 I mean, it's genetic, it works every single time. 1620 01:06:34,699 --> 01:06:34,906 Okay, everyone good? 1621 01:06:35,992 --> 01:06:39,703 Uh... yeah. 1622 01:06:39,787 --> 01:06:42,580 Are we still gonna get laid? 1623 01:06:42,665 --> 01:06:44,082 That's a big fuck yeah. 1624 01:06:49,088 --> 01:06:50,547 - Just... - You look great. 1625 01:06:50,631 --> 01:06:51,756 Here, you've got... 1626 01:06:51,841 --> 01:06:53,133 They're here, they're here! 1627 01:06:53,217 --> 01:06:55,385 They're here! 1628 01:06:55,469 --> 01:06:56,511 What are you wearing? 1629 01:06:56,595 --> 01:06:58,138 That's not Harvard, that's Berkeley! 1630 01:06:58,222 --> 01:07:00,015 Get out, out, out! 1631 01:07:00,099 --> 01:07:01,307 All right, everyone, they are here. 1632 01:07:01,392 --> 01:07:02,142 Please look uptight, thank you. 1633 01:07:02,226 --> 01:07:04,477 There's a huge bulge in my throat. 1634 01:07:05,229 --> 01:07:07,856 Hi, honey! 1635 01:07:09,316 --> 01:07:11,776 - it's so good to see you. - Hey, Roger, great to see you. 1636 01:07:11,861 --> 01:07:13,069 - How you doing? - Hi! 1637 01:07:13,154 --> 01:07:15,113 You survived the wildebeests. 1638 01:07:15,197 --> 01:07:18,616 - Class of '06 or '07? - Oh, stop it. 1639 01:07:18,701 --> 01:07:19,951 Good to see you. 1640 01:07:20,036 --> 01:07:21,828 Well, this is quite a mixer, Alex. 1641 01:07:21,912 --> 01:07:23,079 I see you've made quite a few fans here in Los Angeles. 1642 01:07:23,164 --> 01:07:26,583 Oh, he certainly has. 1643 01:07:26,667 --> 01:07:31,171 Oh, Mom, Dad, this is Laura, my... 1644 01:07:31,255 --> 01:07:33,298 Girlfriend. 1645 01:07:33,382 --> 01:07:35,341 Yeah, my girlfriend. 1646 01:07:35,426 --> 01:07:38,136 Alex, you never said anything about a girlfriend. 1647 01:07:38,220 --> 01:07:39,429 - Hi. - Hi. 1648 01:07:39,513 --> 01:07:40,930 Well, what a radiant young lady. 1649 01:07:41,015 --> 01:07:43,141 I hope you're keeping Alex on the straight and narrow. 1650 01:07:43,225 --> 01:07:44,100 Actually, it's more the other way around. 1651 01:07:44,185 --> 01:07:47,604 Hello, party people! 1652 01:07:47,688 --> 01:07:52,108 Jimmy's here, flushed with dough and ready to roll! 1653 01:07:52,193 --> 01:07:56,780 Fire me up some poontang if you'd be so kind, my good man. 1654 01:07:56,864 --> 01:08:00,241 Hey, guys, look, it's Brother Jimmy. 1655 01:08:00,326 --> 01:08:01,951 Brother Jimmy, yeah! 1656 01:08:02,036 --> 01:08:03,328 Fire me up! 1657 01:08:03,412 --> 01:08:06,289 I'll get you another glass of poontang from the bartender. 1658 01:08:06,373 --> 01:08:09,459 Ooh, I'll have some poontang. 1659 01:08:09,543 --> 01:08:10,543 Remember, honey? 1660 01:08:10,628 --> 01:08:12,921 Oh, you couldn't get enough of it in St. Barts. 1661 01:08:13,005 --> 01:08:15,715 it's like sangria, only pinker. 1662 01:08:15,800 --> 01:08:17,509 The minute it touches your tongue, 1663 01:08:17,593 --> 01:08:20,053 you get that warm and fuzzy feeling. 1664 01:08:20,137 --> 01:08:22,430 if anyone would like a taste, I'd be happy to share mine. 1665 01:08:22,515 --> 01:08:24,224 I'm sure there's enough poontang 1666 01:08:24,308 --> 01:08:26,976 to go around, sweetheart. 1667 01:08:27,061 --> 01:08:29,104 Listen, Alex, I have invited some more of my alums, 1668 01:08:29,188 --> 01:08:30,855 I hope you don't mind. 1669 01:08:30,940 --> 01:08:33,066 No, Dad, that's be great. 1670 01:08:35,861 --> 01:08:38,029 Excuse me, is this the Harvard party? 1671 01:08:45,287 --> 01:08:48,665 Does a Yaley suck the cock? 1672 01:08:53,087 --> 01:08:55,004 He certainly does, oh, yes. 1673 01:08:55,089 --> 01:08:56,548 Oh, mercy. 1674 01:08:56,632 --> 01:08:58,133 You certainly nailed them. 1675 01:09:00,261 --> 01:09:03,763 James Kellogg, Dean of Harvard Business, '69. 1676 01:09:03,848 --> 01:09:05,723 Eddie Hettinger, missionary. 1677 01:09:06,308 --> 01:09:08,351 How noble. 1678 01:09:08,435 --> 01:09:11,062 - is this your-- your wife? - Oh, yeah, yeah. 1679 01:09:11,147 --> 01:09:13,022 This is the missus. 1680 01:09:13,107 --> 01:09:17,026 We met in Professor Dougal's intro to Psych class. 1681 01:09:17,111 --> 01:09:18,695 Oh, Dougal! 1682 01:09:18,779 --> 01:09:20,697 That fat bastard failed me twice. 1683 01:09:26,036 --> 01:09:27,287 All right. 1684 01:09:27,371 --> 01:09:28,163 Keep this parked out front. 1685 01:09:28,247 --> 01:09:30,540 if you put one scratch on that, 1686 01:09:30,624 --> 01:09:32,500 I'm having you deported back to whatever third-world shit hole 1687 01:09:32,585 --> 01:09:34,127 you come from, brother. 1688 01:09:34,211 --> 01:09:36,296 I'm-- I'm from New Jersey. 1689 01:09:40,176 --> 01:09:41,259 Sorry. 1690 01:09:41,343 --> 01:09:44,220 Still-- still got family back there? 1691 01:09:44,305 --> 01:09:45,972 Yeah, of course. 1692 01:09:46,056 --> 01:09:47,265 Oh, God. 1693 01:09:47,349 --> 01:09:49,976 Listen... 1694 01:09:50,060 --> 01:09:52,228 maybe this'll help buy some of them their freedom, 1695 01:09:52,313 --> 01:09:54,939 at least the women and children. 1696 01:09:55,024 --> 01:09:56,316 Take it. 1697 01:09:56,400 --> 01:09:58,318 Don't be proud. 1698 01:10:00,487 --> 01:10:01,279 Party! 1699 01:10:05,409 --> 01:10:07,452 Kinky. 1700 01:10:09,413 --> 01:10:13,833 Jamie K, answer me this, bro. 1701 01:10:13,918 --> 01:10:19,130 When a Smurf goes without having sex for a long time... 1702 01:10:19,215 --> 01:10:21,841 what color do his balls turn? 1703 01:10:28,390 --> 01:10:31,351 You know, I spend all day around the cream of the crop 1704 01:10:31,435 --> 01:10:32,518 of grad students. 1705 01:10:32,603 --> 01:10:35,897 That is the deepest, the most penetrating observation 1706 01:10:35,981 --> 01:10:37,106 I've heard in years. 1707 01:10:37,191 --> 01:10:37,941 Really? 1708 01:10:38,025 --> 01:10:39,150 'Cause my mom thinks I'm a slacker. 1709 01:10:39,235 --> 01:10:40,193 - No, fuck that bitch. - Seriously! 1710 01:10:40,277 --> 01:10:42,904 Do you know that I am the dean, 1711 01:10:42,988 --> 01:10:45,531 the dean of the Harvard Business School. 1712 01:10:45,616 --> 01:10:46,658 You want to go? 1713 01:10:46,742 --> 01:10:47,200 - Do you? - Sure. 1714 01:10:47,284 --> 01:10:48,243 You're in! 1715 01:10:52,873 --> 01:10:54,165 Do you have any peyote? 1716 01:10:54,250 --> 01:10:57,335 They asked me, how do I become a big star like you? 1717 01:10:57,419 --> 01:10:59,545 And I say, "You can take acting lessons, 1718 01:10:59,630 --> 01:11:00,713 "but that's a waste of money, 1719 01:11:00,798 --> 01:11:02,465 'cause I never took 'em and look at me." 1720 01:11:02,549 --> 01:11:03,925 What I suggest you two do, 1721 01:11:04,009 --> 01:11:06,970 make a little video, home video, have some nudity. 1722 01:11:07,054 --> 01:11:10,390 I have a MySpace page under Hugh Munguspenis, that's me. 1723 01:11:10,474 --> 01:11:11,641 Send it to me, 1724 01:11:11,725 --> 01:11:13,351 - and I'll check it out. - Hey, Tom, Mr. Arnold, 1725 01:11:13,435 --> 01:11:14,560 I'd like you to meet someone. 1726 01:11:14,645 --> 01:11:16,104 Excuse me. 1727 01:11:16,188 --> 01:11:17,522 Well, well, well. 1728 01:11:17,606 --> 01:11:20,149 What a finely aged piece of meat we have here. 1729 01:11:20,234 --> 01:11:21,276 I beg your pardon? 1730 01:11:21,360 --> 01:11:23,152 I'm Tom Arnold. 1731 01:11:23,237 --> 01:11:25,738 - Tom, that's my mother. - Mm-hmm. 1732 01:11:25,823 --> 01:11:27,615 Mm-hmm, come here. 1733 01:11:29,201 --> 01:11:31,953 Um, you know what? 1734 01:11:32,037 --> 01:11:33,663 That's a little sick. 1735 01:11:33,747 --> 01:11:34,789 I'm not one to judge. 1736 01:11:34,873 --> 01:11:36,624 You don't have to whore-out your mom, 1737 01:11:36,709 --> 01:11:37,417 not at least until midnight. 1738 01:11:37,501 --> 01:11:39,419 She's here for the Harvard mixer. 1739 01:11:39,503 --> 01:11:41,254 The Harvard mixer? 1740 01:11:41,338 --> 01:11:43,464 - What the hell's that? - it's... 1741 01:11:43,549 --> 01:11:45,758 a-- a covert operation. 1742 01:11:45,843 --> 01:11:48,261 Everyone's on a need-to-know basis. 1743 01:11:49,805 --> 01:11:50,638 Okay. 1744 01:11:50,723 --> 01:11:52,390 But keep me better informed, all right? 1745 01:11:52,474 --> 01:11:55,184 Don't make me look stupid! 1746 01:11:55,269 --> 01:11:56,227 Come on! 1747 01:11:56,312 --> 01:12:00,023 Mom, Mr. Arnold here is actually rehearsing 1748 01:12:00,107 --> 01:12:01,232 for a movie role. 1749 01:12:01,317 --> 01:12:03,276 isn't that right, Tom? 1750 01:12:03,360 --> 01:12:04,527 No. 1751 01:12:04,611 --> 01:12:07,864 No, Mr. Arnold does not rehearse for film roles. 1752 01:12:07,948 --> 01:12:11,242 Mr. Arnold becomes his film roles. 1753 01:12:11,327 --> 01:12:13,244 if you saw my episode of "Beyond the Actor's Studio," 1754 01:12:13,329 --> 01:12:15,872 or whatever the fuck it's called, 1755 01:12:15,956 --> 01:12:18,916 you'd know that I didn't just play Stanley Stupid, 1756 01:12:19,001 --> 01:12:20,460 I became Stanley Stupid. 1757 01:12:20,544 --> 01:12:22,462 - Howdy, Private. - Hey, Frank. 1758 01:12:22,546 --> 01:12:25,423 Whoa, Frank, what the hell are you doing, man? 1759 01:12:25,507 --> 01:12:27,925 I just lost at poker. 1760 01:12:28,010 --> 01:12:30,053 You're playing strip poker at a Harvard party? 1761 01:12:30,137 --> 01:12:31,888 Strip poker? 1762 01:12:31,972 --> 01:12:32,972 That would have been fun. 1763 01:12:33,057 --> 01:12:34,265 You wouldn't wanna play, would you? 1764 01:12:34,350 --> 01:12:36,225 No, no, no, no, no, no, I don't wanna play. 1765 01:12:36,310 --> 01:12:39,020 Just cover it up, okay? 1766 01:12:39,104 --> 01:12:40,271 Fine. 1767 01:12:40,356 --> 01:12:41,522 So the story I heard was that she could still say 1768 01:12:41,607 --> 01:12:45,318 she's a virgin 'cause she's only taken it up the butt. 1769 01:12:45,402 --> 01:12:47,362 Something she worked out with her father, you know, and... 1770 01:12:47,446 --> 01:12:52,158 So tell me, does the carpet match the drapes? 1771 01:12:52,242 --> 01:12:53,659 Don't tell me, don't tell me. 1772 01:12:53,744 --> 01:12:54,994 I hope you have carpet. 1773 01:12:55,079 --> 01:12:55,912 I mean, it's okay if you don't, 1774 01:12:55,996 --> 01:12:57,497 but a lot of the young gals these days, 1775 01:12:57,581 --> 01:12:59,207 they got none and I miss it. 1776 01:12:59,291 --> 01:13:01,042 I miss carpet. 1777 01:13:01,126 --> 01:13:03,044 Would you please excuse me, Mr. Arnold? 1778 01:13:03,128 --> 01:13:05,546 I really need to get some more poontang. 1779 01:13:07,383 --> 01:13:10,426 You know, you could have told me that up-front? 1780 01:13:10,511 --> 01:13:13,513 Hey, Alex, some lady was looking for you. 1781 01:13:13,597 --> 01:13:14,430 What lady, Eddie? 1782 01:13:14,515 --> 01:13:16,307 Older... 1783 01:13:16,392 --> 01:13:19,143 medium herring... 1784 01:13:19,228 --> 01:13:20,186 smell like peaches. 1785 01:13:20,270 --> 01:13:21,104 My mom? 1786 01:13:21,188 --> 01:13:23,272 No, no, no, no, my mom's with Tom Arnold! 1787 01:13:23,357 --> 01:13:25,149 - No, no, no... - Stroke it, stroke it! 1788 01:13:25,234 --> 01:13:28,194 - Whoa, hey, Tom! - What, what? 1789 01:13:28,278 --> 01:13:29,529 Tom, what did you do with my mother? 1790 01:13:29,613 --> 01:13:30,613 Nothing, man, she's a fucking dyke. 1791 01:13:30,697 --> 01:13:33,699 Hey, where did she go, where did my mother go? 1792 01:13:33,784 --> 01:13:34,492 I'm guessing she went down. 1793 01:13:34,576 --> 01:13:36,494 You mean down to the dungeon? 1794 01:13:36,578 --> 01:13:38,788 Whatever they call it, the furry cave. 1795 01:13:38,872 --> 01:13:40,540 I don't know what it's called. 1796 01:13:41,542 --> 01:13:43,334 Get him, hit him! 1797 01:13:43,419 --> 01:13:45,878 Yes, good job, kick his ass! 1798 01:13:50,968 --> 01:13:52,427 No, no, no, no, no, no, no! 1799 01:13:55,597 --> 01:13:58,474 Jesus Palomino! 1800 01:13:58,559 --> 01:13:59,851 Ahh! 1801 01:13:59,935 --> 01:14:01,227 Hey, guys! 1802 01:14:01,478 --> 01:14:04,313 Hey, everybody! 1803 01:14:04,398 --> 01:14:06,983 There's a unicorn fighting a gimp in the basement! 1804 01:14:09,194 --> 01:14:09,652 Let's go! 1805 01:14:14,700 --> 01:14:15,491 Hey, no, hey! 1806 01:14:15,576 --> 01:14:18,244 Hey! 1807 01:14:18,328 --> 01:14:18,744 What are you doing? 1808 01:14:18,829 --> 01:14:20,705 Get off of each other! 1809 01:14:20,789 --> 01:14:22,290 Get money, get money, get money. 1810 01:14:22,374 --> 01:14:23,666 Hey, knock that shit off! 1811 01:14:23,750 --> 01:14:26,127 Yeah, try it, try it, try it, you bitch! 1812 01:14:26,211 --> 01:14:27,879 Come on, you little bitch. 1813 01:14:27,963 --> 01:14:30,673 You feeling horny, kid? 1814 01:14:30,757 --> 01:14:32,592 Whoa! 1815 01:14:32,676 --> 01:14:33,468 Unicorn guy! 1816 01:14:33,552 --> 01:14:35,553 Knock the shit off! 1817 01:14:35,637 --> 01:14:37,597 All right, get your money out, everyone! 1818 01:14:37,681 --> 01:14:39,515 Get your money out! 1819 01:14:39,600 --> 01:14:41,142 $2,000 on Alex! 1820 01:14:41,226 --> 01:14:42,435 I'll take that action! 1821 01:14:42,519 --> 01:14:44,145 - Are you crazy? - What? 1822 01:14:44,229 --> 01:14:45,855 You can do it, my son. 1823 01:14:45,939 --> 01:14:47,482 As my father used to say to me... 1824 01:14:55,782 --> 01:14:57,158 Yeah. 1825 01:14:57,242 --> 01:14:59,285 What does that mean? 1826 01:14:59,369 --> 01:15:00,536 it really doesn't translate. 1827 01:15:02,581 --> 01:15:04,457 Okay, good talk. 1828 01:15:04,541 --> 01:15:07,376 Meet the devil. 1829 01:15:07,461 --> 01:15:07,919 Huh, come on! 1830 01:15:08,003 --> 01:15:09,504 Hey, everyone time out! 1831 01:15:09,588 --> 01:15:12,673 Come on, bring it on. 1832 01:15:12,758 --> 01:15:14,425 Bring it on! 1833 01:15:16,678 --> 01:15:18,888 Sweep the hoof! 1834 01:15:18,972 --> 01:15:20,556 Come on, I said bring it on, where is he? 1835 01:15:20,641 --> 01:15:22,725 Come on! 1836 01:15:22,809 --> 01:15:24,101 Fist me. 1837 01:15:24,186 --> 01:15:25,770 Oh, that's supposed to scare me? 1838 01:15:30,317 --> 01:15:31,567 He is calling his shot! 1839 01:15:31,652 --> 01:15:34,987 Roger: This probably wasn't the best decision of Alex' life, 1840 01:15:35,072 --> 01:15:37,156 not with dear old Mom and Dad upstairs. 1841 01:15:43,664 --> 01:15:45,456 Oh, my! 1842 01:15:50,170 --> 01:15:51,546 Yeah, whoo! 1843 01:15:53,715 --> 01:15:55,883 Yeah! 1844 01:15:55,968 --> 01:15:57,802 And now, the winner... 1845 01:15:57,886 --> 01:15:59,971 by fisting in the fuzz... 1846 01:16:00,055 --> 01:16:02,473 the victor, the one, the only... 1847 01:16:02,558 --> 01:16:05,017 Alex! 1848 01:16:05,102 --> 01:16:08,062 What the hell is going on in here? 1849 01:16:10,482 --> 01:16:10,606 Buzzkill. 1850 01:16:10,691 --> 01:16:13,109 Oh! 1851 01:16:18,740 --> 01:16:19,657 Howdy! 1852 01:16:22,578 --> 01:16:23,786 Shit! 1853 01:16:23,870 --> 01:16:25,246 Ouch. 1854 01:16:27,207 --> 01:16:30,585 Sorry I'm late for the sing-along. 1855 01:16:30,669 --> 01:16:31,544 Anyone know "Fair Harvard"? 1856 01:16:31,628 --> 01:16:34,213 ♪ Fair Harvard ♪ 1857 01:16:34,298 --> 01:16:38,718 ♪ We join in thy Jubilee throng-- ♪ 1858 01:16:38,802 --> 01:16:40,803 Zip it! 1859 01:16:40,887 --> 01:16:43,806 Alexander Hamilton Sperling, 1860 01:16:43,890 --> 01:16:45,683 I have never, in all my life, 1861 01:16:45,767 --> 01:16:49,895 been so humiliated by my own son! 1862 01:16:49,980 --> 01:16:52,648 Alex, I hope you have a good explanation for all this. 1863 01:16:52,733 --> 01:16:55,109 Yeah, I do, Dad. 1864 01:16:55,193 --> 01:16:56,319 Mom. 1865 01:16:57,904 --> 01:17:00,072 I'm a pimp. 1866 01:17:00,157 --> 01:17:00,740 What? 1867 01:17:03,201 --> 01:17:05,786 You-- you're a pimp? 1868 01:17:05,871 --> 01:17:07,538 He's-- he's putting us on. 1869 01:17:07,623 --> 01:17:09,457 Oh. 1870 01:17:09,541 --> 01:17:10,541 I mean, come on, Alex. 1871 01:17:10,626 --> 01:17:12,084 if you were a pimp, there would be prostitutes 1872 01:17:12,169 --> 01:17:14,879 and... 1873 01:17:14,963 --> 01:17:16,005 a dominatrix 1874 01:17:16,089 --> 01:17:18,758 and... sex toys 1875 01:17:18,842 --> 01:17:19,759 and... 1876 01:17:19,843 --> 01:17:22,678 and Tom Arnold would be here. 1877 01:17:22,763 --> 01:17:25,765 Oh, my God, you are a pimp. 1878 01:17:25,849 --> 01:17:29,101 Are you out of your fucking mind?! 1879 01:17:29,186 --> 01:17:30,394 Excuse me, folks. 1880 01:17:30,479 --> 01:17:32,938 This looks like one of those private family-- 1881 01:17:33,023 --> 01:17:35,650 You stay! 1882 01:17:35,734 --> 01:17:38,778 Why are lesbians so angry? 1883 01:17:40,238 --> 01:17:41,364 Look, I can explain. 1884 01:17:41,448 --> 01:17:43,407 - You can explain! - Yes, I can explain. 1885 01:17:43,492 --> 01:17:45,242 Oh, I can't wait to hear this. 1886 01:17:45,327 --> 01:17:45,951 We'd all like to hear. 1887 01:17:46,036 --> 01:17:50,665 Anybody else have any plans? 1888 01:17:50,749 --> 01:17:53,167 I lost the Westington Scholarship. 1889 01:17:53,251 --> 01:17:55,670 Lost the Westington Scholarship? 1890 01:17:55,754 --> 01:17:57,630 So Roger and I started this escort service 1891 01:17:57,714 --> 01:17:59,674 but then the guy's house who we were using, 1892 01:17:59,758 --> 01:18:01,550 he extorted all of our earnings 1893 01:18:01,635 --> 01:18:03,719 and busted me to the scholarship committee, 1894 01:18:03,804 --> 01:18:07,807 so we threw this party to earn back our tuitions. 1895 01:18:07,891 --> 01:18:10,184 What do you mean "our tuitions"? 1896 01:18:10,268 --> 01:18:11,686 Yeah, Roger's a pool boy 1897 01:18:11,770 --> 01:18:12,853 and he dropped out of Harvard. 1898 01:18:12,938 --> 01:18:15,106 Yeah, but not in that order. 1899 01:18:18,360 --> 01:18:19,485 Whoa. 1900 01:18:23,407 --> 01:18:25,908 Okay, your mother's hysterical, are you happy, huh? 1901 01:18:25,992 --> 01:18:28,411 No... come on. 1902 01:18:28,495 --> 01:18:31,455 Nobody's hurt, the police didn't come and-- 1903 01:18:31,540 --> 01:18:32,540 I've made a lot of mistakes, 1904 01:18:32,624 --> 01:18:34,625 but I take full responsibility for all of 'em. 1905 01:18:34,710 --> 01:18:37,128 isn't that what a Harvard man does, Uncle M.? 1906 01:18:37,212 --> 01:18:37,670 He's right. 1907 01:18:40,549 --> 01:18:42,967 Honey. 1908 01:18:43,051 --> 01:18:45,803 And you have enough tuition for both of you? 1909 01:18:45,887 --> 01:18:48,848 Oh, yeah. 1910 01:18:51,351 --> 01:18:52,059 This is a hell of a lot better than any other 1911 01:18:52,144 --> 01:18:55,271 Harvard party I've ever been to. 1912 01:18:55,355 --> 01:18:57,440 I guess I'll buy you another poontang. 1913 01:18:57,524 --> 01:18:58,816 Drinks are on me. 1914 01:19:10,996 --> 01:19:12,204 ♪ Take your money take your money ♪ 1915 01:19:12,289 --> 01:19:14,957 ♪ Take your money and get on the dance floor ♪ 1916 01:19:17,043 --> 01:19:19,044 Show me your boobies and get in the air! 1917 01:19:19,129 --> 01:19:21,046 - How you doing, muchacho man? - Great. 1918 01:19:21,131 --> 01:19:22,631 So you need anything, food, water? 1919 01:19:22,716 --> 01:19:24,383 No thanks, Hector. 1920 01:19:24,468 --> 01:19:25,885 I'm doing really well. 1921 01:19:25,969 --> 01:19:27,636 Hey, me too. 1922 01:19:29,431 --> 01:19:31,515 Or not. 1923 01:19:31,600 --> 01:19:33,851 All right, you two are a lovely couple. 1924 01:19:33,935 --> 01:19:35,603 Sperling, I wanna talk to you. 1925 01:19:35,687 --> 01:19:36,604 Bye. 1926 01:19:36,688 --> 01:19:37,730 I'm a little busy now. 1927 01:19:37,814 --> 01:19:39,064 You're gonna have to find somebody else to extort. 1928 01:19:39,149 --> 01:19:40,483 Screw you, Sperling, I'm looking for my wife. 1929 01:19:40,567 --> 01:19:43,152 - I know she's here somewhere. - Why, did her babysitter call? 1930 01:19:43,236 --> 01:19:46,322 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, don't fuck with me, Sperling. 1931 01:19:46,406 --> 01:19:48,783 You're right, I apologize. 1932 01:19:48,867 --> 01:19:49,784 Man, I'm gonna show you the kind of respect 1933 01:19:49,868 --> 01:19:51,911 that you deserve. 1934 01:19:51,995 --> 01:19:53,746 Your wife is there. 1935 01:19:55,081 --> 01:19:57,291 - Marco! - Polo! 1936 01:19:57,375 --> 01:19:59,084 Hey, honey! 1937 01:19:59,169 --> 01:20:02,254 Get your Speedos, we're gonna play some volleyball. 1938 01:20:04,299 --> 01:20:05,925 I've been looking for something to put on my Christmas card. 1939 01:20:06,009 --> 01:20:08,385 Now, how much do you think it's gonna cost you to pay me 1940 01:20:08,470 --> 01:20:09,929 not to send that out to all of my clients? 1941 01:20:10,013 --> 01:20:12,056 Have you met Jimmy? 1942 01:20:12,140 --> 01:20:12,807 Hey, Jimmy Black, sir. 1943 01:20:12,891 --> 01:20:15,935 Your wife's got beautiful thighs. 1944 01:20:16,019 --> 01:20:17,853 You know... 1945 01:20:17,938 --> 01:20:19,355 Hey, Bethany! 1946 01:20:19,439 --> 01:20:20,523 Hi, Sweetie! 1947 01:20:20,607 --> 01:20:21,482 Aw... 1948 01:20:21,566 --> 01:20:24,151 - Bring it, Bethany! - Hey, Daddy, look! 1949 01:20:24,236 --> 01:20:26,070 We're jamming! 1950 01:20:27,906 --> 01:20:30,616 Would you take a check? 1951 01:20:30,700 --> 01:20:32,159 Actually, I prefer cash. 1952 01:20:32,244 --> 01:20:36,080 Unmarked, nonsequential and in a big sock. 1953 01:20:36,164 --> 01:20:38,165 Be right back. 1954 01:20:38,250 --> 01:20:39,416 Great. 1955 01:20:39,501 --> 01:20:41,001 So you're a pool boy? 1956 01:20:41,086 --> 01:20:42,962 Really more of a pool man. 1957 01:20:43,046 --> 01:20:46,257 - What's that pay? - Not as well as pimping. 1958 01:20:46,341 --> 01:20:48,509 Too soon for that? 1959 01:20:48,593 --> 01:20:50,261 A bit. 1960 01:20:50,345 --> 01:20:52,888 So, Alex, this whole furry-costume-fetish thing, 1961 01:20:52,973 --> 01:20:56,433 is that because we threw out all your stuffed animals? 1962 01:20:56,518 --> 01:20:57,518 What? 1963 01:20:57,602 --> 01:20:59,186 No, I'm not into that, I'm a virgin. 1964 01:20:59,271 --> 01:21:02,106 Oh, honey, we gotta fix that before you to go to college. 1965 01:21:04,025 --> 01:21:05,192 Bye. 1966 01:21:06,653 --> 01:21:07,570 Dad. 1967 01:21:09,906 --> 01:21:12,867 I still think Harvard's lucky to be getting you, son. 1968 01:21:12,951 --> 01:21:14,618 Thank you, sir. 1969 01:21:14,703 --> 01:21:16,120 Roger, I can't say the same for you. 1970 01:21:16,204 --> 01:21:18,998 Oh, I love you, too, Uncle M. 1971 01:21:19,082 --> 01:21:20,958 Hey, thanks for not calling the cops. 1972 01:21:21,042 --> 01:21:22,209 Good luck. 1973 01:21:25,505 --> 01:21:27,423 it really sucks this thing's coming to an end, right? 1974 01:21:27,507 --> 01:21:28,799 I mean, this thing is really going now. 1975 01:21:28,884 --> 01:21:31,218 We got something good here. 1976 01:21:31,303 --> 01:21:32,928 You know, I could take over. 1977 01:21:33,013 --> 01:21:37,224 Your girlfriend has, like, a billion dollars. 1978 01:21:37,309 --> 01:21:39,351 Yes, I know, 1979 01:21:39,436 --> 01:21:42,980 but I think it's important for me to have my own career. 1980 01:21:43,064 --> 01:21:45,107 Good night, my friends. 1981 01:21:45,191 --> 01:21:45,900 Good night, Joon. 1982 01:21:45,984 --> 01:21:49,069 Domo arigato. 1983 01:21:49,154 --> 01:21:51,697 Good night, Private. 1984 01:21:51,781 --> 01:21:52,865 What a handsome couple, huh? 1985 01:21:52,949 --> 01:21:56,827 Oh, shit! 1986 01:21:56,912 --> 01:21:59,163 That's a whole lot of ass he just grabbed. 1987 01:22:00,874 --> 01:22:01,874 Wait a second. 1988 01:22:01,958 --> 01:22:03,918 Am I the only one at the party not getting laid? 1989 01:22:09,382 --> 01:22:11,550 You are a naughty girl. 1990 01:22:11,635 --> 01:22:13,928 You talk to your mother with those hands? 1991 01:22:17,891 --> 01:22:19,975 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm gonna say good night. 1992 01:22:21,603 --> 01:22:23,228 Pimpin' ain't easy. 1993 01:22:31,154 --> 01:22:35,824 So the party's pretty much over. 1994 01:22:35,909 --> 01:22:38,577 I'm not a pimp anymore. 1995 01:22:38,662 --> 01:22:40,913 Which means your rules no longer apply? 1996 01:22:40,997 --> 01:22:42,998 Such as... 1997 01:22:43,083 --> 01:22:44,708 No sex with the girls. 1998 01:22:46,211 --> 01:22:49,588 ♪ I know oh you said it... ♪ 1999 01:22:49,673 --> 01:22:52,383 Roger: Holy shit, the kid finally got laid. 2000 01:22:52,467 --> 01:22:54,635 ♪ I'm not your savior ♪ 2001 01:22:54,719 --> 01:22:57,346 ♪ I didn't die for you... ♪ 2002 01:22:57,430 --> 01:22:58,180 Laura stocked enough money away 2003 01:22:58,264 --> 01:23:00,849 to quit the escort business forever. 2004 01:23:00,934 --> 01:23:03,519 She came out to Boston and opened up her own day spa. 2005 01:23:03,603 --> 01:23:06,271 Alex and I, well, we started at Harvard. 2006 01:23:06,356 --> 01:23:08,691 it took a while, but we finally made it. 2007 01:23:08,775 --> 01:23:10,109 This is one of the finest institutions 2008 01:23:10,193 --> 01:23:11,986 of higher learning in the free world. 2009 01:23:12,070 --> 01:23:14,863 I mean, they don't let just anyone into this place. 2010 01:23:14,948 --> 01:23:15,572 Hey, guys! 2011 01:23:15,657 --> 01:23:17,408 - Thank God I found you. - Eddie? 2012 01:23:17,492 --> 01:23:20,160 Listen, Mather House is having a huge bash this Friday, 2013 01:23:20,245 --> 01:23:21,745 so we need some serious tail for that. 2014 01:23:21,830 --> 01:23:23,580 Also, I got tons of alum coming in 2015 01:23:23,665 --> 01:23:24,873 for the game this weekend 2016 01:23:24,958 --> 01:23:26,291 and I've been selling Viagra by the truckload, 2017 01:23:26,376 --> 01:23:27,626 so I'm gonna need like four or five escorts-- 2018 01:23:27,711 --> 01:23:28,919 No, Eddie, we can't do that. 2019 01:23:29,004 --> 01:23:30,629 Damn right you can't. 2020 01:23:30,714 --> 01:23:31,839 What are you thinking, young man? 2021 01:23:31,923 --> 01:23:34,091 We need every girl you've got for the faculty mixer. 2022 01:23:34,175 --> 01:23:36,760 Oh, let's make a shopping list. 2023 01:23:39,472 --> 01:23:41,765 You know, they may actually have something there. 2024 01:23:41,850 --> 01:23:43,225 You think? 2025 01:23:43,309 --> 01:23:45,185 I'm just saying. 2026 01:23:45,270 --> 01:23:46,937 Got a rich environment. 2027 01:23:47,022 --> 01:23:48,480 Look around, Roger. 2028 01:23:48,565 --> 01:23:50,816 Our girls would make a fortune here. 2029 01:23:50,900 --> 01:23:53,318 Y'know, Alex, Alex, seriously, I was kidding... 2030 01:23:53,403 --> 01:23:54,528 it wasn't a bad idea. 2031 01:23:54,612 --> 01:23:55,946 I mean, there's money in Beverly Hills, 2032 01:23:56,031 --> 01:23:58,407 but there's old money in Boston. 2033 01:23:58,491 --> 01:24:00,617 With Alex business sense, my people skills 2034 01:24:00,702 --> 01:24:04,455 and Laura's girls, I figured we could make a mint. 2035 01:24:04,539 --> 01:24:06,248 I know it was risky in the legal, 2036 01:24:06,332 --> 01:24:07,958 but sometimes you just have to ask yourself, 2037 01:24:08,043 --> 01:24:10,335 what would Jesus do? 2038 01:24:11,212 --> 01:24:12,129 ♪ What up yo? ♪ 2039 01:24:12,213 --> 01:24:13,338 ♪ Here we go ♪ 2040 01:24:13,423 --> 01:24:14,965 ♪ Gonna get high so we don't stay low ♪ 2041 01:24:15,050 --> 01:24:18,844 ♪ Nothing matters even if it did ♪ 2042 01:24:18,928 --> 01:24:20,763 ♪ Look out man don't give a damn ♪ 2043 01:24:20,847 --> 01:24:22,681 ♪ I know this life like the back of my hand ♪ 2044 01:24:22,766 --> 01:24:25,059 ♪ Nothing matters even if it did ♪ 2045 01:24:25,143 --> 01:24:30,105 ♪ Ooh-hoo ♪ 2046 01:24:33,693 --> 01:24:37,279 ♪ I've got a buddy who works at a video store ♪ 2047 01:24:37,363 --> 01:24:40,199 ♪ He used to put the new releases by the back door ♪ 2048 01:24:40,283 --> 01:24:44,078 ♪ Yeah I'd burn a couple copies and trade 'em for pot ♪ 2049 01:24:46,247 --> 01:24:47,831 ♪ Until I got caught ♪ 2050 01:24:47,916 --> 01:24:49,083 ♪ So what? ♪ 2051 01:24:49,167 --> 01:24:50,042 ♪ What up yo? ♪ 2052 01:24:50,126 --> 01:24:51,251 ♪ Here we go ♪ 2053 01:24:51,336 --> 01:24:52,002 ♪ Gonna get high so we don't stay low ♪ 2054 01:24:52,087 --> 01:24:56,632 ♪ Nothing matters even if it did ♪ 2055 01:24:56,716 --> 01:24:58,550 ♪ Look out man don't give a damn ♪ 2056 01:24:58,635 --> 01:25:00,344 ♪ I know this life like the back of my hand ♪ 2057 01:25:00,428 --> 01:25:03,680 ♪ Nothing matters even if it did ♪ 2058 01:25:03,765 --> 01:25:04,890 ♪ Oh yeah ♪ 2059 01:25:19,364 --> 01:25:20,239 ♪ What up yo? ♪ 2060 01:25:20,323 --> 01:25:21,448 ♪ Here we go ♪ 2061 01:25:21,533 --> 01:25:23,033 ♪ Gonna get high so we don't stay low ♪ 2062 01:25:23,118 --> 01:25:26,954 ♪ Nothing matters even if it did ♪ 2063 01:25:27,038 --> 01:25:28,872 ♪ Look out man don't give a damn ♪ 2064 01:25:28,957 --> 01:25:30,749 ♪ I know this life like the back of my hand ♪ 2065 01:25:30,834 --> 01:25:34,461 ♪ Nothing matters even if it did ♪ 2066 01:25:34,546 --> 01:25:36,255 ♪ Gonna shout it out gonna take the blame ♪ 2067 01:25:36,339 --> 01:25:38,298 ♪ Gonna make the least of every day ♪ 2068 01:25:38,383 --> 01:25:42,052 ♪ Nothing matters even if it did ♪ 2069 01:25:42,137 --> 01:25:43,929 ♪ it's all a joke it's all the same ♪ 2070 01:25:44,013 --> 01:25:45,889 ♪ You're stuck it in no matter what you say ♪ 2071 01:25:45,974 --> 01:25:49,059 ♪ Nothing matters even if it did ♪ 2072 01:25:49,144 --> 01:25:53,105 ♪ Ooh-hoo ♪ 2073 01:25:55,191 --> 01:25:57,401 ♪ Nothing matters even if it did ♪ 2074 01:25:57,485 --> 01:25:58,861 ♪ Oh-oh ♪ 2075 01:25:58,945 --> 01:26:00,571 ♪ Nothing matters ♪ 2076 01:26:02,532 --> 01:26:04,867 ♪ Even if it did ♪ 2077 01:26:04,951 --> 01:26:06,410 ♪ I got fired from a Burger King ♪ 2078 01:26:06,494 --> 01:26:08,537 ♪ For suckin' helium out of a soft-serve machine ♪ 2079 01:26:08,621 --> 01:26:10,080 ♪ I've got a friend at the video store ♪ 2080 01:26:10,165 --> 01:26:12,791 ♪ Put the new releases by the back door ♪ 2081 01:26:12,876 --> 01:26:15,419 ♪ Oh hey ♪ 2082 01:26:15,503 --> 01:26:16,795 ♪ Ooh-hoo ♪ 2083 01:26:24,220 --> 01:26:25,304 ♪ I'm gonna party like a rock star ♪ 2084 01:26:25,388 --> 01:26:27,723 ♪ Hit a bunch of strip bars ♪ 2085 01:26:27,807 --> 01:26:30,601 ♪ Wake up naked in a hotel room ♪ 2086 01:26:30,685 --> 01:26:32,519 ♪ Throw my TV out the window ♪ 2087 01:26:32,604 --> 01:26:33,437 ♪ Smoke a bunch of indo ♪ 2088 01:26:33,521 --> 01:26:37,107 ♪ Anything to get my mind off of you ♪ 2089 01:26:37,192 --> 01:26:42,029 ♪ Find a telephone pole to wrap around my car ♪ 2090 01:26:42,113 --> 01:26:43,739 ♪ And party like a rock star ♪ 2091 01:26:50,663 --> 01:26:52,331 ♪ After all the nights we spent ♪ 2092 01:26:52,415 --> 01:26:56,585 ♪ Cuddling on the couch ♪ 2093 01:26:56,669 --> 01:26:59,171 ♪ And all the parties I passed up ♪ 2094 01:26:59,255 --> 01:27:02,299 ♪ Because you didn't feel like going out ♪ 2095 01:27:02,383 --> 01:27:05,677 ♪ I guarantee you Steven Tyler ♪ 2096 01:27:05,762 --> 01:27:08,972 ♪ Didn't put up with crap like this ♪ 2097 01:27:09,057 --> 01:27:11,558 ♪ So tonight I'm making up ♪ 2098 01:27:11,643 --> 01:27:13,936 ♪ For what I missed ♪ 2099 01:27:14,020 --> 01:27:15,145 ♪ Oh yeah ♪ 2100 01:27:15,230 --> 01:27:16,313 ♪ I'm gonna party like a rock star ♪ 2101 01:27:16,397 --> 01:27:18,815 ♪ Hit a bunch of strip bars ♪ 2102 01:27:18,900 --> 01:27:21,526 ♪ Wake up naked in a hotel room ♪ 2103 01:27:21,611 --> 01:27:23,403 ♪ Throw my TV out the window ♪ 2104 01:27:23,488 --> 01:27:24,321 ♪ Smoke a bunch of indo ♪ 2105 01:27:24,405 --> 01:27:28,075 ♪ Anything to get my mind off of you ♪ 2106 01:27:28,159 --> 01:27:32,871 ♪ Find a telephone pole to wrap around my car ♪ 2107 01:27:32,956 --> 01:27:35,249 ♪ And party like a rock star ♪ 2108 01:27:35,333 --> 01:27:36,875 ♪ Hoo ♪ 2109 01:27:36,960 --> 01:27:38,335 ♪ Yeah ♪ 2110 01:27:38,419 --> 01:27:39,461 ♪ Ugh ♪ 2111 01:27:41,005 --> 01:27:43,924 ♪ And the more I think about it ♪ 2112 01:27:44,008 --> 01:27:46,718 ♪ The less it hurts inside ♪ 2113 01:27:46,803 --> 01:27:49,554 ♪ 'Cause tonight I'm wanted dead ♪ 2114 01:27:49,639 --> 01:27:52,849 ♪ Or alive ♪ 2115 01:27:52,934 --> 01:27:55,018 ♪ I'm gonna party like a rock star ♪ 2116 01:27:55,103 --> 01:27:56,395 ♪ Hit a bunch of strip bars ♪ 2117 01:27:56,479 --> 01:27:58,355 ♪ Wake up naked in a hotel room ♪ 2118 01:27:58,439 --> 01:28:01,149 ♪ Throw my TV out the window ♪ 2119 01:28:01,234 --> 01:28:02,693 ♪ Smoke a bunch of indo ♪ 2120 01:28:02,777 --> 01:28:04,027 ♪ Anything to get... ♪