1
00:00:49,649 --> 00:00:52,846
Gentlemen, me and Hannah had sex.

2
00:00:52,919 --> 00:00:54,546
- No way. Hannah?
- Yeah.

3
00:00:54,621 --> 00:00:55,986
And I'm just gonna tell you right now,

4
00:00:56,056 --> 00:01:00,425
if you ever have the experience to,
like, lose your virginity in a car,

5
00:01:00,493 --> 00:01:04,930
the Acura MDX, where it's at.
Spacious as fuck.

6
00:01:04,998 --> 00:01:06,522
- That was a little unnecessary.
- I'm just doing to you

7
00:01:06,599 --> 00:01:07,793
what you did to Hannah!

8
00:01:07,867 --> 00:01:09,858
- And I also got you this.
- Is that a bong?

9
00:01:09,936 --> 00:01:11,267
Yeah, man.

10
00:01:13,473 --> 00:01:15,566
Dude, happy virginity day.

11
00:01:16,042 --> 00:01:18,602
- I'm dedicating this bong right now.
- To what?

12
00:01:18,678 --> 00:01:19,804
It's to the four of us.

13
00:01:19,879 --> 00:01:24,373
We will only smoke it on days
on which one of us loses our virginity.

14
00:01:24,451 --> 00:01:26,919
- So we're smoking it four times.
- Yes.

15
00:01:26,986 --> 00:01:29,045
Until the last nut has been busted.

16
00:01:29,889 --> 00:01:30,878
But I don't smoke weed.

17
00:01:30,957 --> 00:01:32,288
- Okay, Matt...
- We'll work something out.

18
00:01:32,358 --> 00:01:33,916
It's not really about the high anymore.

19
00:01:33,993 --> 00:01:35,984
I like that we're just putting it away
for special occasions.

20
00:01:36,062 --> 00:01:37,552
Yeah, it's ceremonial, you know?

21
00:01:37,630 --> 00:01:39,757
There's a spiritual bond
between the four of us.

22
00:01:40,967 --> 00:01:42,059
- To virginity!
- Goodbye.

23
00:01:42,135 --> 00:01:44,000
- To goodbye virginity!
- Okay.

24
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:48,768
- She's back.
- All right.

25
00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:53,404
Zack, Zack, Zack. Anything strange
happen in your life recently

26
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:54,777
that we should know about?

27
00:01:57,750 --> 00:01:59,809
- My man.
- Look at that.

28
00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:13,160
- Shit.
- That was fucking...

29
00:02:13,233 --> 00:02:15,827
- Nasty. Nasty.
- Wow.

30
00:02:16,469 --> 00:02:20,530
Hey, pal! You must open the V-card.
Let's do this.

31
00:02:21,241 --> 00:02:24,972
Smoke that shit. The virginity hit!

32
00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:27,972
- First hit.
- Congratulations!

33
00:02:28,047 --> 00:02:29,446
- Congrats, dude.
- Thank you.

34
00:02:29,516 --> 00:02:31,211
- I'm so happy for you, pal.
- Thank you.

35
00:02:31,284 --> 00:02:33,013
- I'm really proud of you.
- Thank you.

36
00:02:33,086 --> 00:02:34,678
Justin, will you just grab
the camera really quick?

37
00:02:34,754 --> 00:02:35,743
Yeah.

38
00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:38,290
- Best friends forever!
- Mr. Man.

39
00:02:38,358 --> 00:02:41,122
- I'm so proud of you...
- So proud of you.

40
00:02:41,194 --> 00:02:42,525
...for getting that nut off.

41
00:02:42,595 --> 00:02:43,892
- I'm proud of you, Justin.
- Very important.

42
00:02:43,963 --> 00:02:46,864
- Matt, you're next.
- Matt. You're next, brother.

43
00:02:48,034 --> 00:02:50,002
- When is it going to happen, man?
- "I'm going to have sex soon!"

44
00:02:50,069 --> 00:02:51,229
"I'm Matt!"

45
00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:58,910
Hey, what are we doing?

46
00:02:59,546 --> 00:03:01,912
It's my anniversary with Nicole,

47
00:03:03,049 --> 00:03:06,610
and, you know, you know,
we thought we'd spice it up a little bit

48
00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:09,849
and actually have sex this time.

49
00:03:09,923 --> 00:03:11,652
Which condoms do you think are the best?

50
00:03:11,724 --> 00:03:14,056
- Really, I just need...
- How big is your penis?

51
00:03:14,127 --> 00:03:17,790
You want lubricated,
non-lubricated, spermicidal?

52
00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:21,265
Dude, it's just condoms.
Why are you freaking out?

53
00:03:21,334 --> 00:03:25,930
- We're filming. He's losing his virginity.
- He's telling everyone, basically.

54
00:03:26,306 --> 00:03:28,536
Are you having sex with a virgin?

55
00:03:29,008 --> 00:03:31,238
She'll be tighter.

56
00:03:34,347 --> 00:03:36,212
- Did you get it?
- Yeah.

57
00:03:36,282 --> 00:03:38,113
I think it's really good.

58
00:03:38,184 --> 00:03:41,813
- Nicole, what is it about Matt?
- What is it?

59
00:03:42,088 --> 00:03:45,524
That you're willing to give yourself to him
so readily?

60
00:03:45,592 --> 00:03:48,755
- Well, he's funny...
- That's one.

61
00:03:48,828 --> 00:03:51,490
...and attractive.
- Two.

62
00:03:52,498 --> 00:03:53,726
That's much better, actually.

63
00:03:56,803 --> 00:03:59,431
How did you get such a great girl, Matt?

64
00:04:00,273 --> 00:04:01,706
I mean, honestly. I mean, come on.

65
00:04:02,375 --> 00:04:07,278
Well, I mean,
by using my wit and my charm, my skills.

66
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:10,106
My heart just melted after that.

67
00:04:11,884 --> 00:04:13,249
That's so gay.

68
00:04:13,319 --> 00:04:17,688
So gay. It's, like, borderline awesome.
I'm happy for you guys.

69
00:04:17,757 --> 00:04:19,952
- Me, too.
- Thank you.

70
00:04:20,493 --> 00:04:23,894
- Oh, Nicole
- Oh, Nicole

71
00:04:23,963 --> 00:04:27,364
You're so wonderful to me

72
00:04:27,433 --> 00:04:29,526
To me

73
00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:32,127
- You're so wonderful to me
- Oh, Nicole

74
00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:34,164
- That's it?
- Yeah.

75
00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:35,707
That's $2.50. All you gotta do

76
00:04:35,775 --> 00:04:38,767
is just take it slow and enjoy yourself.

77
00:04:38,845 --> 00:04:41,405
You'll have a good night, sir.
Enjoy yourself.

78
00:04:41,481 --> 00:04:42,607
You, too.

79
00:04:42,682 --> 00:04:44,013
What are you guys doing this for?

80
00:04:44,350 --> 00:04:48,582
So, you just decided you wanted
to record your journey?

81
00:04:48,655 --> 00:04:51,249
He records everything.

82
00:04:51,324 --> 00:04:54,919
Matt, trust me when I say this.

83
00:04:54,994 --> 00:04:58,828
As a filmmaker, and as your best friend,

84
00:04:58,898 --> 00:05:03,528
I'm gonna do to your virginity
what Alfred Hitchcock did to Birds.

85
00:05:03,603 --> 00:05:08,131
- It's gonna be scary?
- No. Matt, it's gonna be beautiful!

86
00:05:08,207 --> 00:05:13,645
My whole life, I wanted to get things
on camera or in a picture.

87
00:05:14,847 --> 00:05:17,407
- Oh, my God!
- Find your own refrigerator!

88
00:05:19,919 --> 00:05:25,551
But you losing your virginity is the most
exciting thing that's ever happened.

89
00:05:27,493 --> 00:05:30,223
This is gonna be our best movie ever.

90
00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:45,299
What do you got planned
for the big night, man?

91
00:05:45,378 --> 00:05:49,075
He's trying to, like,
keep it a secret from me,

92
00:05:49,148 --> 00:05:53,050
but, like, he asks me
really obvious questions...

93
00:05:53,119 --> 00:05:55,383
- Like what?
- so, like, I know what we're doing.

94
00:05:55,455 --> 00:05:56,682
What did he ask you?

95
00:05:56,683 --> 00:05:58,983
He's like,
"What's your favorite restaurant"?

96
00:05:59,058 --> 00:06:02,687
Like, "If you were gonna go
on a really fancy date,

97
00:06:02,762 --> 00:06:03,786
"what restaurant would you go to?"

98
00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:07,162
- He literally asked that question?
- Yeah, he really did.

99
00:06:07,633 --> 00:06:10,534
Wow. These are sexy. Check these out.

100
00:06:10,603 --> 00:06:12,833
- I want to wear a dress.
- Right, right, right.

101
00:06:12,905 --> 00:06:15,931
- Do you like it? Yes?
- Yes, very much so.

102
00:06:16,008 --> 00:06:20,274
Hey, Nicole, you know,
when Matt's been kissing you, how is he?

103
00:06:20,346 --> 00:06:21,745
He's been getting better.

104
00:06:21,814 --> 00:06:23,304
- Yeah? It's okay.
- It'll be okay.

105
00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:24,441
I'm relaxed. I'm relaxed.

106
00:06:24,517 --> 00:06:27,748
Just, you know,
sometimes he gets a little stiff, like...

107
00:06:29,756 --> 00:06:32,520
Where exactly does he get stiff?
Because that might be a good thing.

108
00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:36,623
Sometimes he doesn't really know
what he's doing with his hands.

109
00:06:36,696 --> 00:06:37,924
Yeah, where does he put them?

110
00:06:37,997 --> 00:06:39,897
- Nowhere.
- Lf you show me where...

111
00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:42,662
You should know where the hands go, dude.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Calm down.

112
00:06:42,735 --> 00:06:46,364
Can you instruct Matt on how this
would come off, you know, easily?

113
00:06:46,439 --> 00:06:49,772
You would take it from this area
and just pull it...

114
00:06:49,842 --> 00:06:52,367
I just can't wait for you guys
to make love to each other,

115
00:06:52,445 --> 00:06:56,541
because that is just gonna be
such a fucking release.

116
00:07:07,226 --> 00:07:11,390
- Shit, the string snapped.
- Well, you ruined the song, you dickhole.

117
00:07:11,998 --> 00:07:13,966
- Come on. Mom!
- Yeah?

118
00:07:14,033 --> 00:07:15,022
Can you do me a favor?

119
00:07:15,234 --> 00:07:17,759
- I call top.
- That's what she said.

120
00:07:19,839 --> 00:07:21,534
- Justin, up here.
- Throw a ball.

121
00:07:21,607 --> 00:07:22,596
- Got it.
- You got it?

122
00:07:22,675 --> 00:07:25,075
- I got it. You're good.
- Everybody wave. Everybody wave.

123
00:07:25,144 --> 00:07:26,611
Hi!

124
00:07:26,679 --> 00:07:31,616
Hey, Mom, will you describe to me
how we inherited Matt?

125
00:07:31,684 --> 00:07:34,209
How we inherited Matt?

126
00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:37,518
- What?
- Your unfortunate inheritance that is Matt.

127
00:07:38,357 --> 00:07:39,949
Matt's mother and I worked together.

128
00:07:40,026 --> 00:07:43,393
When you guys were in the first grade,
that's when we started working together.

129
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:46,591
- Good job, Zack.
- And you've been inseparable ever since.

130
00:07:46,666 --> 00:07:48,463
Yeah! Score, score, score!

131
00:07:48,534 --> 00:07:53,028
When you guys were about nine or 10,
that's when Lois got sick,

132
00:07:53,105 --> 00:07:55,733
and she'd been receiving chemo,

133
00:07:55,808 --> 00:08:00,541
and one day, I was taking Lois home
from one of her appointments,

134
00:08:00,613 --> 00:08:04,913
and she turned to me
with a tear in her eye and she said,

135
00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:09,819
"Take care of my little boy".
And she died three weeks later.

136
00:08:09,889 --> 00:08:11,754
- Yeah.
- That's how we have Matt.

137
00:08:11,824 --> 00:08:15,089
She knew how much we all loved him,
and your father and I love Matt

138
00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:16,856
as much as we love you and Krysta.

139
00:08:16,929 --> 00:08:18,624
- All right, well, I'll shoot for her.
- Is it my shot?

140
00:08:18,698 --> 00:08:20,689
- Yes, it's your turn.
- Well, nobody's taking my shot for me.

141
00:08:20,766 --> 00:08:21,755
Hey.

142
00:08:23,536 --> 00:08:27,939
I feel like Nicole has become,
like, part of the family.

143
00:08:28,007 --> 00:08:32,410
Not like a mom or sister,
but, like, crazy aunt.

144
00:08:32,478 --> 00:08:35,003
- Yeah.
- I mean, even though two years

145
00:08:35,081 --> 00:08:39,313
and our relationship isn't as intimate
as other people's,

146
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:45,120
I know that nothing
would ever come between us. Ever.

147
00:08:56,302 --> 00:08:59,635
I was taking a pee the other day on C floor,

148
00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:03,766
and two guys came in,
and they were talking about Nicole.

149
00:09:04,877 --> 00:09:07,437
- All right.
- This guy was like,

150
00:09:07,513 --> 00:09:12,143
"I heard she did something
with some dude at a college party".

151
00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:18,350
- It's funny. It's really funny.
- I'm not... I'm not lying.

152
00:09:18,424 --> 00:09:22,485
I'm putting you on speakerphone.
Yeah, we just said...

153
00:09:23,496 --> 00:09:25,623
They were in bed and...

154
00:09:25,698 --> 00:09:27,393
They got naked.

155
00:09:27,466 --> 00:09:29,400
- But it's just a rumor, man.
- That's what I heard.

156
00:09:29,468 --> 00:09:32,164
Remember last year when everyone thought
I was moving to Canada?

157
00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:33,762
- Everybody believed it.
- Could you pull over, man?

158
00:09:33,839 --> 00:09:34,863
- I'll see you there.
- Man...

159
00:09:34,941 --> 00:09:37,375
Try and keep your head up, Matt.
You need a baseball bat?

160
00:09:37,443 --> 00:09:38,671
Don't give him that!

161
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:43,075
- And she cheated on me!
- Hey, I had a girlfriend, too, all right?

162
00:09:43,149 --> 00:09:44,639
- We all go through this.
- Hey!

163
00:09:44,717 --> 00:09:47,982
- It's a rumor, man!
- We will find out if it's real, okay?

164
00:09:48,054 --> 00:09:49,385
- Just call.
- I just can't...

165
00:09:49,455 --> 00:09:51,286
I can't picture her doing this to me,
all right?

166
00:09:51,357 --> 00:09:53,120
I know, I know. But you need to call...

167
00:09:53,192 --> 00:09:56,252
We were gonna lose our virginities
to each other.

168
00:09:56,329 --> 00:09:59,127
Clearly, she wasn't a virgin.

169
00:09:59,198 --> 00:10:00,358
- Get the fuck out.
- Okay, okay.

170
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:02,560
- Slow down.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey!

171
00:10:02,635 --> 00:10:05,433
- Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys!
- Calm down! Calm down!

172
00:10:05,504 --> 00:10:10,271
- Grab him, grab him.
- This is for your own good, buddy.

173
00:10:10,343 --> 00:10:12,834
- Look at me. We'll get to the bottom of it.
- Okay.

174
00:10:12,912 --> 00:10:14,243
- Calm.
- I got it.

175
00:10:14,313 --> 00:10:15,371
- You got it?
- Cool heads prevail.

176
00:10:20,519 --> 00:10:25,320
Okay, Matt. I'm here to find out
if Nicole fucked that dude.

177
00:10:25,391 --> 00:10:29,657
- Excuse me. Hey, are you Harry?
- No, man. I'm not Harry.

178
00:10:29,729 --> 00:10:30,889
Thank God.

179
00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:33,693
You know, I did meet her I think.

180
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,161
She was at this party, I do remember...

181
00:10:37,203 --> 00:10:39,433
I just need to know if you fucked her.

182
00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:42,805
Hey, do you wanna see a stripper?

183
00:10:44,176 --> 00:10:46,736
We had a party three days ago,
and she never left.

184
00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:48,439
She's trying to shake us down
for more money.

185
00:10:48,514 --> 00:10:50,880
As soon as you give me my $300, I'll leave.

186
00:10:50,950 --> 00:10:53,578
No, we paid you already, so...

187
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:55,052
- Hey, man.
- Anyway, what was I...

188
00:10:55,121 --> 00:10:56,588
We were talking about Nicole.

189
00:10:57,189 --> 00:11:00,989
- Thank you.
- Dude, back to Nicole.

190
00:11:01,060 --> 00:11:02,687
- Hey, I got pickle juice all over me now.
- Harry!

191
00:11:02,762 --> 00:11:04,286
- Are you happy?
- I don't know who they're talking about.

192
00:11:04,363 --> 00:11:06,422
That better be the best fucking pickle
you've ever had.

193
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:10,367
Hey! Hey, Harry, Harry, Harry. Can you...

194
00:11:10,436 --> 00:11:13,872
Sorry, man. I just...
I need to know what happened with Nicole.

195
00:11:16,275 --> 00:11:19,972
- Just tell your buddy I'm sorry, okay?
- Dude, you gonna have to tell him yourself.

196
00:11:20,046 --> 00:11:21,445
Sure. How?

197
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:22,776
- Just look into the camera.
- Just like this?

198
00:11:22,848 --> 00:11:24,873
Yeah.

199
00:11:24,950 --> 00:11:26,975
Matt.

200
00:11:27,053 --> 00:11:29,487
Matt. Matt.

201
00:11:29,555 --> 00:11:32,786
I really am sorry
about what I did with your girl.

202
00:11:37,496 --> 00:11:39,930
- Okay?
- Okay.

203
00:11:39,999 --> 00:11:43,765
- What did you do?
- I can't get into that. That's frat policy.

204
00:11:43,836 --> 00:11:46,828
Here's what I can say.

205
00:11:46,906 --> 00:11:50,069
Matt, Nicole is a very nice girl,

206
00:11:51,277 --> 00:11:53,211
and she likes to party.

207
00:12:09,261 --> 00:12:12,492
Looks yummy. Cookies?

208
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,863
You used to make cookies all the time...

209
00:12:15,534 --> 00:12:17,001
They're good.

210
00:12:19,371 --> 00:12:23,102
Hey. Sweetheart, what's the matter?

211
00:12:23,175 --> 00:12:25,769
- She cheated on me.
- I'm sorry.

212
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:29,510
- Hey, guess what?
- Yeah.

213
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,914
I talked to your sister.
She's gonna come here this weekend.

214
00:12:31,984 --> 00:12:33,315
That's great.

215
00:12:34,286 --> 00:12:38,882
- These cookies are really good.
- Zack, zip it!

216
00:12:38,958 --> 00:12:41,085
Can't you just back off for a little while?

217
00:12:41,660 --> 00:12:45,596
Do you have to always be
in everybody's face constantly?

218
00:12:45,664 --> 00:12:47,689
I'm just trying to get this so he'll realize

219
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:49,064
- how silly he was later.
- Yeah, I can't understand

220
00:12:49,135 --> 00:12:51,035
anything you're saying
with your mouth full of food.

221
00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:52,400
Your mouth...

222
00:12:53,672 --> 00:12:56,232
Hey, dick-munch! Krys is here.

223
00:12:56,308 --> 00:12:58,799
- Grab the camera. You got it?
- Yeah.

224
00:13:01,046 --> 00:13:05,449
Hey, hey! Krys is here. Krys is here.
Heads up.

225
00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:11,150
Hey!

226
00:13:11,223 --> 00:13:12,747
- Hey!
- Hey, what's up?

227
00:13:12,825 --> 00:13:14,850
- How are you, lady?
- Come on. No. Jesus!

228
00:13:14,927 --> 00:13:17,919
Zack! Shit! Zack, stop! You...

229
00:13:17,997 --> 00:13:21,160
- Just so you know, this is not my idea.
- Out of the way! That's for me!

230
00:13:21,233 --> 00:13:23,030
Hey! Stop!

231
00:13:23,102 --> 00:13:24,592
Oh, my God.

232
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:28,232
Jacob, take the keys! No!

233
00:13:29,575 --> 00:13:31,839
- Yeah!
- You're such a...

234
00:13:31,911 --> 00:13:33,242
I'm such a dick! Did you hear that?

235
00:13:33,312 --> 00:13:35,371
- Welcome home, honey.
- Oh, my God.

236
00:13:35,447 --> 00:13:36,937
Welcome home.

237
00:13:37,016 --> 00:13:38,950
Krysta. Want to dry off?

238
00:13:39,018 --> 00:13:41,111
- Thank you, Matt.
- Hey, dickhole!

239
00:13:41,187 --> 00:13:44,918
Matt's the only person in this whole house
that's nice to me.

240
00:13:45,858 --> 00:13:48,418
Thank you.

241
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:53,124
- So wet and disgusting.
- I know. I'm a wet girl.

242
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:57,928
Very athletic.

243
00:13:58,003 --> 00:13:59,334
You've been waiting for this for

244
00:13:59,405 --> 00:14:01,600
however long that you guys
have been going out?

245
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:04,108
- Two years.
- Two years.

246
00:14:04,176 --> 00:14:09,512
You've been waiting for this for two years,
and now she fucked somebody else?

247
00:14:09,582 --> 00:14:13,040
You should go on that date
you were talking about.

248
00:14:13,118 --> 00:14:15,678
- Have sex with her there.
- Go on the date.

249
00:14:15,754 --> 00:14:19,656
Go do all the things, and the carriage
and the flowers and the hotel,

250
00:14:19,725 --> 00:14:21,158
and then have sex with her.

251
00:14:21,227 --> 00:14:24,594
You get all of those feelings out,
and then you get out of it unscathed.

252
00:14:24,663 --> 00:14:27,564
- I'm becoming aroused, yes.
- I don't want to do that to her, though.

253
00:14:27,633 --> 00:14:28,861
- She meant too much to me.
- Why not?

254
00:14:28,934 --> 00:14:31,425
There's no revenge.
It's just making it right.

255
00:14:31,503 --> 00:14:33,198
- His girlfriend cheated on him.
- Damn!

256
00:14:33,272 --> 00:14:35,263
Look, you get to pick
how this song ends, okay?

257
00:14:35,341 --> 00:14:38,469
I think you're gonna feel better if you do.

258
00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:42,344
Hey, Nicole. It's Matt. How are you?

259
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:47,876
I'm sorry I missed your calls before.

260
00:14:48,354 --> 00:14:51,016
I was feeling kind of sick, kind of ill.

261
00:14:51,090 --> 00:14:55,754
But I'm much better,
and I can't wait until Saturday.

262
00:14:55,828 --> 00:14:57,728
I am very excited.

263
00:14:57,796 --> 00:15:01,061
So, give me a call back. All right, see you.

264
00:15:03,035 --> 00:15:04,969
- Did that sound phony?
- That was fucking awesome.

265
00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:09,335
- What're you doing?
- I'm calling it off.

266
00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:12,638
I just don't think I can do it.

267
00:15:13,479 --> 00:15:19,349
- I don't love her anymore, dude.
- Sex isn't about love. Sex is about sex!

268
00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:22,319
Who's your favorite porn star?

269
00:15:22,388 --> 00:15:23,753
- What does it matter?
- Just tell me.

270
00:15:23,822 --> 00:15:24,811
Sunny Leone.

271
00:15:24,890 --> 00:15:28,826
Okay, close your eyes
and think about Nicole,

272
00:15:28,894 --> 00:15:31,692
and visualize her body, okay?

273
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:35,530
Put Sunny Leone's head on her body.

274
00:15:36,101 --> 00:15:40,401
- That's someone you love, right?
- Sunny Leone, yes.

275
00:15:40,472 --> 00:15:42,133
Have sex with her.

276
00:15:43,809 --> 00:15:44,943
I'll try.

277
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:49,142
- Nice fucking place, dude. Good choice.
- Thank you.

278
00:15:49,214 --> 00:15:50,272
You got style.

279
00:15:50,349 --> 00:15:52,677
I thought it would...
it would...

280
00:15:52,678 --> 00:15:55,378
be, like, a really romantic setting
for our first time.

281
00:15:55,454 --> 00:15:59,049
Whatever, dude. You're here now.
We're gonna make the best of it.

282
00:15:59,124 --> 00:16:00,284
- You ready?
- Yeah, let's go.

283
00:16:02,127 --> 00:16:05,528
I'm here to check out the rooms
under the name "Matthew".

284
00:16:05,597 --> 00:16:08,725
- Matt, check how many rooms.
- Two rooms.

285
00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:11,770
Two rooms? Are y'all gonna throw a party?

286
00:16:11,837 --> 00:16:14,567
- No. I'm not.
- What?

287
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:18,098
- This is a great place to party.
- I'm very good.

288
00:16:20,079 --> 00:16:22,707
- Adjoining rooms.
- Very nice.

289
00:16:22,781 --> 00:16:24,305
Here's the other one.

290
00:16:24,383 --> 00:16:28,615
- Yeah, this is great!
- Very nice, sir. Very nice indeed.

291
00:16:28,687 --> 00:16:30,552
Wow! Yeah, we get this room.

292
00:16:30,622 --> 00:16:34,023
Can you check how sturdy it is, Jacob?

293
00:16:34,093 --> 00:16:35,458
- Yeah.
- Fuck on it.

294
00:16:35,527 --> 00:16:37,620
Yeah!

295
00:16:37,696 --> 00:16:39,823
- Is that a good fucking?
- Jacob, is that the way that you fuck?

296
00:16:39,898 --> 00:16:41,661
It is when there's no one to fuck.

297
00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:45,670
I want y'all boys to know
all these beds are up to snuff.

298
00:16:45,971 --> 00:16:49,407
My wife and I have tried out every bed

299
00:16:49,475 --> 00:16:53,206
- and couch and cot in this whole hotel.
- Really?

300
00:16:53,278 --> 00:16:55,143
Your wife sounds like
a truly amazing woman.

301
00:16:55,547 --> 00:16:59,210
Well, she's got Alzheimer's,

302
00:16:59,284 --> 00:17:03,584
- and that's no fun when you... For sex.
- I'm sorry.

303
00:17:03,655 --> 00:17:04,713
Yeah.

304
00:17:04,790 --> 00:17:08,726
- Anyway, I'll bring back some champagne.
- Excellent.

305
00:17:08,794 --> 00:17:10,125
- Thank you, thank you.
- Thank you very much.

306
00:17:10,195 --> 00:17:13,255
- I have a big...
- Oh, my God, he's back.

307
00:17:13,332 --> 00:17:16,460
I have a really strong connection
with you guys,

308
00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:20,631
and I don't know what it is, and I hope
we can be friends for a long time.

309
00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:23,174
All right.

310
00:17:23,242 --> 00:17:27,338
- Okay. All right. I'll be seeing you.
- Thanks, buddy.

311
00:17:27,413 --> 00:17:30,280
- Oh, my God.
- Do not drink anything he gives you.

312
00:17:30,349 --> 00:17:31,475
All right, this is what's gonna happen.

313
00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:34,917
You're gonna be fucking over here.
On the bed.

314
00:17:34,987 --> 00:17:37,785
Then we are gonna be over in this room,

315
00:17:37,856 --> 00:17:41,485
and we're gonna have speakers set up
all over the place so we can all hear it.

316
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:45,018
Now, once you're done,
you're gonna knock twice,

317
00:17:45,097 --> 00:17:47,827
so we'll be like...

318
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:49,026
Busted!

319
00:17:49,101 --> 00:17:50,831
And you're gonna break up with her
on film.

320
00:17:51,132 --> 00:17:52,232
Okay.

321
00:17:53,305 --> 00:17:55,432
I'm so happy you're doing this.

322
00:17:55,507 --> 00:17:57,634
Okay, could you just give me
a little bit of room?

323
00:17:57,709 --> 00:17:58,733
- Guys.
- Yeah, no problem.

324
00:17:58,811 --> 00:18:00,642
- All right, man. Come on.
- We need to set up

325
00:18:00,712 --> 00:18:02,339
how I'm gonna, like, tape shit down.

326
00:18:04,550 --> 00:18:06,108
Do you think I should really do this?

327
00:18:06,185 --> 00:18:10,246
Yes. She cheated on you.
Remember that. Okay?

328
00:18:10,322 --> 00:18:11,550
Okay.

329
00:18:12,458 --> 00:18:14,016
- Hey, Matty, Zack.
- Hey, sir.

330
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:15,890
- Hey!
- How are you today?

331
00:18:15,961 --> 00:18:17,258
Good, good, good.

332
00:18:17,329 --> 00:18:20,662
- Why are you so dressed up?
- Well, you know, it's our anniversary,

333
00:18:20,732 --> 00:18:21,721
so I just wanted to...

334
00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:25,258
- Your anniversary of what?
- We're going out.

335
00:18:25,337 --> 00:18:26,531
Nothing. Just...

336
00:18:26,605 --> 00:18:27,765
Please. Please don't.

337
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,432
- No.
- No, I couldn't.

338
00:18:29,508 --> 00:18:32,272
- Here we are. Here, just take it.
- I don't feel right.

339
00:18:32,344 --> 00:18:36,906
It's not for you, Matt.
It's for my daughter, all right?

340
00:18:36,982 --> 00:18:39,007
Let me show you something.

341
00:18:40,686 --> 00:18:41,846
There it goes.

342
00:18:43,455 --> 00:18:45,218
Forty miles an hour!

343
00:18:49,194 --> 00:18:53,255
Here, now drink a glass of this,
and tell me...

344
00:18:53,332 --> 00:18:56,529
- Matt, don't drink that.
- Go ahead, go ahead.

345
00:18:56,869 --> 00:19:00,305
- What do you think?
- Frothy. It's...

346
00:19:00,372 --> 00:19:02,033
It's definitely...

347
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:11,082
- Oh, my God.
- That's a really good...

348
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:14,415
- Does that shit turn you into the Hulk?
- It's good.

349
00:19:16,321 --> 00:19:19,154
- Is she beautiful or what?
- Very beautiful.

350
00:19:21,193 --> 00:19:22,888
- Hey. You look great.
- Thanks.

351
00:19:23,228 --> 00:19:24,923
Well, listen.
Y'all have a good time tonight.

352
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:28,455
- Thank you, sir.
- Call me if you need anything, all right?

353
00:19:28,534 --> 00:19:30,331
- You look great.
- You look fantastic.

354
00:19:30,402 --> 00:19:31,494
Y'all have a good time.

355
00:19:31,570 --> 00:19:34,198
Bye, bye. I love you.

356
00:19:34,273 --> 00:19:35,934
I love you, too, David.

357
00:19:36,275 --> 00:19:38,607
- Are you excited?
- Yeah.

358
00:19:42,281 --> 00:19:45,773
Can't wait.
After all the planning and secrecy.

359
00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:47,443
Yeah, I know.

360
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:50,678
You guys are so cute.

361
00:19:50,756 --> 00:19:53,816
- I cannot wait to hear how this goes.
- Bye.

362
00:20:06,738 --> 00:20:09,673
You're fucking like this.
You see a fucking mike!

363
00:20:09,741 --> 00:20:11,732
Let's just put it in her vagina.

364
00:20:12,077 --> 00:20:15,740
Can you hear that? Squeaking?

365
00:20:15,814 --> 00:20:17,213
Is it, like, white noise,

366
00:20:17,282 --> 00:20:19,546
- or does it sound like they're fucking?
- No, no. It's clear as fuck.

367
00:20:26,291 --> 00:20:28,589
Test, test.

368
00:20:28,660 --> 00:20:31,220
"Oh, baby, that's the wrong hole".
Sounds good.

369
00:20:31,964 --> 00:20:35,400
This one is perfect.
If she squirts, we're gonna hear it.

370
00:20:36,668 --> 00:20:37,794
Come on, let's go.

371
00:20:55,454 --> 00:20:57,479
For you.

372
00:20:57,556 --> 00:21:00,548
All right.
Should I pop this or should you pop this?

373
00:21:00,626 --> 00:21:01,792
Let them pop it.

374
00:21:01,793 --> 00:21:03,556
- This is gonna be so good!
- This is so good!

375
00:21:03,629 --> 00:21:07,725
- This is, like, the peak of our genius.
- We got it!

376
00:21:07,799 --> 00:21:10,165
Hey! Hey, you want to see me jump over...

377
00:21:10,235 --> 00:21:11,964
Matt's gonna get fucked

378
00:21:12,037 --> 00:21:14,130
Hell, yeah! Jump over this.

379
00:21:16,642 --> 00:21:18,041
Nice, nice.

380
00:21:19,544 --> 00:21:22,240
Don't watch me while I do that.
That's me time.

381
00:21:23,148 --> 00:21:27,676
All right, guys. So what's happening
is we're gonna fucking make Nicole

382
00:21:27,753 --> 00:21:29,220
feel like the bitch she is.

383
00:21:29,688 --> 00:21:31,622
- Bitch. Slut, whore.
- Slut.

384
00:21:31,690 --> 00:21:34,352
And then fucking break it online.

385
00:21:35,961 --> 00:21:37,092
Hell, no!

386
00:21:37,093 --> 00:21:39,693
Who's excited for Matt
losing his virginity?

387
00:21:39,765 --> 00:21:42,563
- Yeah!
- Can we go check the mikes?

388
00:21:43,402 --> 00:21:45,370
Checking. We're by the bed.
Can you hear this?

389
00:21:45,437 --> 00:21:48,565
- We're having sex now. This is so much fun.
- Oh, my God.

390
00:22:02,120 --> 00:22:05,647
Shut up! Shut up, guys.
Guys, shut the fuck up.

391
00:22:05,991 --> 00:22:07,959
- Hey, Matt.
- Hey, man.

392
00:22:10,696 --> 00:22:14,792
What are you talking about? Yes. Yes.
Are you almost here?

393
00:22:15,567 --> 00:22:19,833
No. Nicole... Then that's perfect.

394
00:22:21,406 --> 00:22:25,502
Okay, okay, okay.
Hey, guys, they're leaving right now.

395
00:22:43,962 --> 00:22:46,522
Champagne? That's so sweet.

396
00:22:49,167 --> 00:22:52,159
- To us.
- Cheers.

397
00:22:52,237 --> 00:22:55,035
Do you want to take a shower with me?

398
00:22:57,209 --> 00:23:00,474
See, actually, I'm good right now.
I just actually... I took a shower.

399
00:23:00,545 --> 00:23:04,447
- Come on.
- I hate... I hate him.

400
00:23:06,618 --> 00:23:07,915
Fuck.

401
00:23:09,154 --> 00:23:11,918
- Hey. Get these off.
- Okay.

402
00:23:13,592 --> 00:23:14,684
What?

403
00:23:17,329 --> 00:23:19,320
Is everything okay?

404
00:23:19,398 --> 00:23:23,892
- Fine.
- Maybe you're trying too hard?

405
00:23:25,170 --> 00:23:27,604
- Oh, no!
- Dude, he can't get it up.

406
00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:33,139
Do you want... How about you lie down?
Let me take care of you.

407
00:23:33,211 --> 00:23:34,235
Oh, my God.

408
00:23:34,312 --> 00:23:36,507
Can you hold that thought?
I have to run to the bathroom really fast.

409
00:23:36,581 --> 00:23:39,448
- Okay.
- Okay. Really fast. Just one minute.

410
00:23:42,521 --> 00:23:45,388
- Is he...
- He's jacking off.

411
00:23:45,624 --> 00:23:49,253
- No, we'd hear it.
- I hear nothing. What's going on?

412
00:23:54,032 --> 00:23:55,124
Fuck.

413
00:24:00,639 --> 00:24:03,164
- Oh, no.
- What did they eat at the...

414
00:24:03,241 --> 00:24:05,004
Poor guy.

415
00:24:07,479 --> 00:24:09,811
- Oh, my God. That's a problem.
- That's a machine gun.

416
00:24:11,850 --> 00:24:14,648
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.

417
00:24:14,719 --> 00:24:18,883
Actually not. I have to go back...
I have to go back to the bathroom.

418
00:24:18,957 --> 00:24:22,825
- Oh, my God. He's not done.
- Oh, my God.

419
00:24:26,832 --> 00:24:30,700
That's what they call a dirty job.
It doesn't get nastier than that.

420
00:24:30,769 --> 00:24:33,738
- Oh, my God.
- What is wrong with him?

421
00:24:33,805 --> 00:24:35,295
He could burn his asshole.

422
00:24:39,110 --> 00:24:41,135
What's wrong?

423
00:24:41,213 --> 00:24:44,239
- Fuck this. This is wrong.
- What do you mean?

424
00:24:47,719 --> 00:24:49,016
What are you talking about?

425
00:24:49,087 --> 00:24:51,681
- Shit!
- Open!

426
00:24:51,756 --> 00:24:55,283
- No comprende. I am from Mexico.
- Is that Zack?

427
00:24:55,360 --> 00:24:59,023
All right, Zack, come on. I can't do it.

428
00:24:59,097 --> 00:25:00,394
- Hello.
- What the fuck?

429
00:25:00,465 --> 00:25:04,697
Nicole, where you going?
I just want to tell you, you look beautiful.

430
00:25:06,104 --> 00:25:07,696
Nicole, stop.

431
00:25:10,609 --> 00:25:14,545
...and he says if I win this one,
I get to suck on your tits.

432
00:25:14,613 --> 00:25:19,312
I know that what I did was stupid, okay?
But I didn't fuck him.

433
00:25:19,551 --> 00:25:21,678
And I was drunk,
and I know that if I wasn't drunk

434
00:25:21,753 --> 00:25:25,655
I wouldn't have let it happen,
but it just seemed like it wasn't so bad.

435
00:25:25,724 --> 00:25:29,592
I put two years into this relationship,
and I thought it was going...

436
00:25:29,661 --> 00:25:30,787
It was working very well.

437
00:25:30,862 --> 00:25:32,853
And you fucked it up.

438
00:25:34,499 --> 00:25:35,557
Okay?

439
00:25:35,634 --> 00:25:39,502
I know that I fucked up, but, like,
what is this with all the cameras?

440
00:25:39,571 --> 00:25:43,166
Like, are you fucking kidding me?
Like, you would do that to me?

441
00:25:44,476 --> 00:25:47,411
I didn't do anything on purpose
just to hurt you.

442
00:25:47,479 --> 00:25:51,882
You're doing this on purpose
just to hurt me, Matt.

443
00:25:58,189 --> 00:26:02,285
It's over, Nicole.
I'm breaking up with you, all right?

444
00:26:02,360 --> 00:26:03,759
- It's done.
- I get it. I get it, Matt.

445
00:26:03,828 --> 00:26:04,817
Do you?

446
00:26:07,299 --> 00:26:10,029
Matt, kick his ass. Fuck you, old man!

447
00:26:12,771 --> 00:26:14,500
Kick his ass, Matt!

448
00:26:35,860 --> 00:26:39,762
Why the fuck would you post this?
I look like an idiot.

449
00:26:39,831 --> 00:26:42,026
- It's you in the video.
- What's funny about it?

450
00:26:42,100 --> 00:26:45,399
Everyone thought she fucked Harry.

451
00:26:45,470 --> 00:26:46,562
She just got her tits sucked!

452
00:26:47,606 --> 00:26:49,836
Matt. What's that?

453
00:26:49,908 --> 00:26:51,899
What? What are you doing?

454
00:26:52,477 --> 00:26:54,638
Some Asian dude responded.

455
00:26:56,715 --> 00:26:59,912
Hi, Matt. What you did to that girl?

456
00:27:01,386 --> 00:27:03,650
It disgust me!

457
00:27:03,722 --> 00:27:08,159
All she wanted to do
was get her titties sucked.

458
00:27:08,226 --> 00:27:12,390
Like this. Suck it, baby.

459
00:27:14,466 --> 00:27:16,627
Maybe, you know, maybe I need to grow up,

460
00:27:16,701 --> 00:27:19,465
maybe I'm a bit of a baby,
but at least I'm not a cheater, you know?

461
00:27:19,537 --> 00:27:21,232
- Right?
- Good way to look at it.

462
00:27:21,306 --> 00:27:22,500
Sure, dude.

463
00:27:22,707 --> 00:27:24,504
- Hey!
- Take a bite.

464
00:27:27,278 --> 00:27:32,238
- Seth, when did you start balding?
- When did I start balding?

465
00:27:32,317 --> 00:27:35,718
When I was 22.

466
00:27:35,787 --> 00:27:38,779
Matt, you're gonna start balding at 22.

467
00:27:38,857 --> 00:27:40,791
No. Matt has a great head of hair.

468
00:27:40,859 --> 00:27:43,020
- I think I get it from my mom.
- Yes.

469
00:27:43,094 --> 00:27:47,190
Look it, I got something kind of special.
A little something for you.

470
00:27:48,033 --> 00:27:49,500
Check it out.

471
00:27:51,703 --> 00:27:53,694
Is there something I'm...

472
00:27:55,140 --> 00:27:56,471
It's a sobriety chip.

473
00:27:56,541 --> 00:27:58,372
- Is that a poker chip?
- It's a sobriety chip.

474
00:27:58,443 --> 00:28:01,378
- No, that's a sobriety chip, man.
- That's amazing.

475
00:28:01,446 --> 00:28:02,879
- It's six months?
- You got a sobriety chip?

476
00:28:02,947 --> 00:28:05,006
- Yeah, absolutely.
- I'm proud of you.

477
00:28:05,083 --> 00:28:06,780
Thanks, Matt. It's been hard.

478
00:28:07,381 --> 00:28:08,481
Did it for you.

479
00:28:08,482 --> 00:28:11,182
Happy birthday.
Here's a six-month chip.

480
00:28:12,057 --> 00:28:14,787
- Wow!
- How many months do you have?

481
00:28:16,127 --> 00:28:17,856
- Who wants more cake?
- I'll have some.

482
00:28:17,929 --> 00:28:20,454
Dude, dude, dude. It's a big deal, you know?

483
00:28:20,532 --> 00:28:22,193
- He's a good kid.
- Thank you.

484
00:28:22,267 --> 00:28:25,395
In spite of the fact
that you're his dad. Father.

485
00:28:25,470 --> 00:28:29,566
- That's kind of un-cool, but whatever.
- Yeah, I know, I'm real un-cool.

486
00:28:29,974 --> 00:28:32,772
He didn't have to come.
At least he made the effort.

487
00:28:35,580 --> 00:28:36,569
Yeah.

488
00:28:38,016 --> 00:28:39,381
I love you.

489
00:28:42,353 --> 00:28:45,345
- Yeah, I can do that.
- I got you something.

490
00:28:45,423 --> 00:28:46,981
Zack, that's sweet!

491
00:28:51,262 --> 00:28:52,923
- Panties?
- What the heck is that?

492
00:28:52,997 --> 00:28:54,624
They're Sunny Leone's.

493
00:28:54,699 --> 00:28:57,463
- Sunny Leone? Who's...
- These are Sunny Leone's panties?

494
00:28:57,535 --> 00:28:58,627
- Yeah.
- Who's Sunny Leone?

495
00:28:58,703 --> 00:29:01,968
Dude, open the...
It's your son's favorite actress.

496
00:29:02,040 --> 00:29:04,099
She's an adult film star.

497
00:29:04,175 --> 00:29:05,164
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, God.

498
00:29:05,243 --> 00:29:07,734
That's her wearing them. Show the picture.

499
00:29:08,213 --> 00:29:09,908
Oh, my God!

500
00:29:09,981 --> 00:29:14,281
"This is to attest to the fact that these
panties are genuine Sunny Leone panties,

501
00:29:14,352 --> 00:29:17,014
"as worn by Sunny herself.
This is awarded to Matt".

502
00:29:17,088 --> 00:29:18,248
Signed by Sunny.

503
00:29:18,323 --> 00:29:21,121
Couldn't you have just gotten him
an autographed baseball or something?

504
00:29:22,193 --> 00:29:23,387
Matt?

505
00:29:25,396 --> 00:29:28,867
It's good. It's a good present. Thanks, man.

506
00:29:33,171 --> 00:29:36,163
- Time to wake up, dirt bag!
- No!

507
00:29:37,575 --> 00:29:40,271
It's your lucky day.
Do you always have a boner?

508
00:29:40,345 --> 00:29:42,677
- What the fuck is that, dude?
- Morning wood. It's called morning wood.

509
00:29:42,747 --> 00:29:46,740
Dude, I've got the biggest surprise
you've ever seen in your life.

510
00:29:46,818 --> 00:29:48,945
Click on the video.

511
00:29:49,020 --> 00:29:51,454
Hi, my name's Becca.

512
00:29:51,523 --> 00:29:54,959
I saw a video yesterday called
"Matt's Big Night,"

513
00:29:55,026 --> 00:29:58,484
and Matt, if you see this,
I want to make you an offer.

514
00:30:00,064 --> 00:30:03,090
I thought that it was pretty shitty
what happened with your ex-girlfriend,

515
00:30:03,168 --> 00:30:08,697
and I thought I'd offer myself
to your cause, I wanna be your first.

516
00:30:09,574 --> 00:30:15,513
So I'm 25.
I'm very sexual, very experienced woman,

517
00:30:15,613 --> 00:30:19,709
and I'm also a direct descendant
of Cleopatra,

518
00:30:25,123 --> 00:30:27,523
I hope that you contact me
and we could take this further,

519
00:30:27,592 --> 00:30:31,858
and I promise you won't regret it.
All right, thanks.

520
00:30:34,332 --> 00:30:36,732
- Fucking awesome.
- No way.

521
00:30:36,801 --> 00:30:39,235
- Yeah.
- No.

522
00:30:40,738 --> 00:30:42,535
You're such a fucking idiot.

523
00:30:42,640 --> 00:30:47,441
I can't do it, I mean,
I don't want to... fuck a stranger.

524
00:30:47,545 --> 00:30:50,844
- Why not?
- Strangers kill other strangers.

525
00:30:50,915 --> 00:30:54,180
Strangers also blow other strangers.
You're not making sense.

526
00:30:54,252 --> 00:30:58,655
Maybe this lady is, like,
your long lost love,

527
00:30:58,723 --> 00:31:01,590
and you guys were meant to be together.

528
00:31:03,228 --> 00:31:05,992
This is exactly
why God invented the Internet.

529
00:31:06,064 --> 00:31:08,555
No, he invented the Internet for porn.

530
00:31:08,633 --> 00:31:11,033
How is this not porn?
This is porn that comes home.

531
00:31:11,102 --> 00:31:12,569
Porn is safe!

532
00:31:12,637 --> 00:31:16,095
Having sex leads to babies, leads to STDs...

533
00:31:16,174 --> 00:31:19,041
- Dude, porn is your last priority...
- leads to commitment, marriage.

534
00:31:19,110 --> 00:31:22,011
...and me walking in. Okay?
That's what porn is.

535
00:31:22,080 --> 00:31:24,776
Porn is me seeing you every day, sad.

536
00:31:27,151 --> 00:31:29,881
Okay, I know this isn't your thing,

537
00:31:29,954 --> 00:31:34,687
but you really need something
to help you forget about Nicole.

538
00:31:36,527 --> 00:31:39,655
I mean, it's whatever you decide, okay?
It's up to you.

539
00:31:39,731 --> 00:31:44,191
- I don't even know anything about her.
- Not yet you don't.

540
00:31:48,539 --> 00:31:53,374
Okay, guys, this is a phone conversation
between Becca and her doctor.

541
00:31:55,613 --> 00:32:00,482
TB, HIV, syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia,
all negative.

542
00:32:00,551 --> 00:32:03,816
You have no transmittable diseases
of any kind.

543
00:32:03,888 --> 00:32:07,346
- Good.
- You do, however, have high cholesterol.

544
00:32:07,425 --> 00:32:10,622
That's something we should
maybe talk about getting you...

545
00:32:10,695 --> 00:32:12,564
It's no big deal, right?
That doesn't affect...

546
00:32:12,565 --> 00:32:13,665
It's pretty hot, actually.

547
00:32:13,731 --> 00:32:16,757
- Remember Matt? I told you about that guy?
- Yeah.

548
00:32:17,402 --> 00:32:22,066
He's losing his virginity. He's nervous.
He's worried. Tell him what I'm like in bed.

549
00:32:22,140 --> 00:32:25,109
If this is your first time,
and it's gonna be with her,

550
00:32:25,176 --> 00:32:26,404
you're the luckiest guy in the world.

551
00:32:28,346 --> 00:32:31,213
She'll get on top of you
and throw you around like a rag doll,

552
00:32:31,282 --> 00:32:33,307
which is something that most men love.

553
00:32:33,384 --> 00:32:38,481
She's just like... She's like a stripper.
Like, arms, legs, tongue.

554
00:32:39,190 --> 00:32:40,953
It's fucking amazing.

555
00:32:41,025 --> 00:32:44,688
"Hey, Becca, it's Matt.

556
00:32:45,430 --> 00:32:49,696
"Please send me some naked photos".

557
00:32:55,573 --> 00:32:59,009
- "Why?" She wants to know why.
- I don't know.

558
00:32:59,110 --> 00:33:03,137
"To make sure you are without penis".

559
00:33:06,084 --> 00:33:07,574
I think that's good.

560
00:33:07,652 --> 00:33:11,520
Yeah, is there anything else
that you can say to help young Matt

561
00:33:11,589 --> 00:33:13,853
feel more comfortable, maybe?

562
00:33:13,925 --> 00:33:18,726
Well, in addition to being disease-free,
you're on birth control,

563
00:33:18,796 --> 00:33:20,957
so the risk of pregnancy is very low,

564
00:33:21,032 --> 00:33:23,523
and, Matt should feel good about that
as well.

565
00:33:23,601 --> 00:33:24,761
What more could you ask for?

566
00:33:25,036 --> 00:33:27,368
You're not going to find many other girls
who don't have diseases.

567
00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:32,473
- What the fuck!
- What... Hold on, hold on, hold on.

568
00:33:32,543 --> 00:33:34,511
- Enlarge it, enlarge it.
- There's her vagina.

569
00:33:34,579 --> 00:33:37,013
She has a vagina.

570
00:33:37,582 --> 00:33:40,016
"Well, are we going to do this or not?
Last chance".

571
00:33:40,084 --> 00:33:41,244
It's up to you, pal.

572
00:33:41,319 --> 00:33:45,312
All right. Good night. Have a happy...

573
00:33:46,591 --> 00:33:48,582
Good night.

574
00:33:48,659 --> 00:33:52,561
She wants me to buy a suit.
Ralph Lauren, Black Label.

575
00:33:52,630 --> 00:33:57,465
She said if I want to fuck like a man,
I have to dress like a man.

576
00:33:59,337 --> 00:34:02,033
- I get that.
- God!

577
00:34:02,106 --> 00:34:03,573
I'm actually gonna do this.

578
00:34:04,575 --> 00:34:08,944
Hey, I need to get a suit.
Ralph Lauren, Black Label.

579
00:34:09,013 --> 00:34:10,037
- Sure, this way.
- Okay.

580
00:34:10,114 --> 00:34:12,878
- You're, like, a 36?
- I guess so.

581
00:34:12,950 --> 00:34:16,886
Okay. So, this is a Black Label suit.
And they usually run in the...

582
00:34:16,954 --> 00:34:19,354
This one's $1,795.

583
00:34:19,424 --> 00:34:22,518
And that's the price point right there
for Black Label suit.

584
00:34:22,593 --> 00:34:25,061
Seventeen... $1,700.

585
00:34:25,129 --> 00:34:27,529
Becca, I want to go for it,

586
00:34:27,598 --> 00:34:31,534
but it's all just super, super expensive,

587
00:34:31,602 --> 00:34:35,868
and if we could just not worry about this...

588
00:34:39,077 --> 00:34:42,012
Yeah. I understand. I got you.

589
00:34:43,014 --> 00:34:44,914
All right, see you. Bye.

590
00:34:44,982 --> 00:34:47,883
- What did she say?
- She said, "No suit, no sex".

591
00:34:47,952 --> 00:34:50,182
- So we'll get you the suit.
- It's not the end of the world

592
00:34:50,254 --> 00:34:51,949
that I'm not gonna have sex with Becca.

593
00:34:52,023 --> 00:34:54,958
- I've never met a single girl...
- Look at me.

594
00:34:58,129 --> 00:34:59,494
What?

595
00:34:59,564 --> 00:35:01,998
After that. I mean, come on, dude.

596
00:35:03,167 --> 00:35:04,896
- It's not like you don't have the money.
- I don't have the money.

597
00:35:04,969 --> 00:35:08,564
You have a college fund
that's overflowing with money.

598
00:35:09,540 --> 00:35:12,441
Your mom would want you to do this.

599
00:35:15,079 --> 00:35:18,810
Matt, this is your last tape,

600
00:35:18,883 --> 00:35:22,375
and I just wanted to let you know
that I've put away a little money for you.

601
00:35:22,854 --> 00:35:27,621
I hope it will help with college and make
your life just a little easier, okay?

602
00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:34,060
I wish I could be at your graduation.
I'm really proud of you.

603
00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:37,365
I love you.

604
00:35:39,971 --> 00:35:43,532
Sir, it looks as if your account
has been liquidated.

605
00:35:44,842 --> 00:35:49,108
That's... That's impossible.
I mean, nobody has access to my account.

606
00:35:51,382 --> 00:35:54,613
So, I went to take money
out of my bank account,

607
00:35:54,685 --> 00:35:58,746
and apparently my dad had cleaned out
all my funds for college.

608
00:35:58,823 --> 00:36:00,347
Oh, my God.

609
00:36:01,959 --> 00:36:03,927
Poor Matt. I'm so sorry.

610
00:36:05,930 --> 00:36:10,060
- Maybe we should call the cops.
- I don't want to have him arrested.

611
00:36:12,470 --> 00:36:15,633
Maybe you should just punch him in the face
and ask for the money back.

612
00:36:15,706 --> 00:36:19,369
Okay, yeah, that's gonna do a lot of good.
Let's just punch people in the face.

613
00:36:19,443 --> 00:36:21,468
Why don't you just call him? Maybe...

614
00:36:21,546 --> 00:36:24,515
He's on this path to recovery.
Maybe he'll give it back.

615
00:36:24,582 --> 00:36:26,049
Well, he doesn't have a phone.

616
00:36:26,117 --> 00:36:29,109
- He's living in the swamps right now.
- Well, then, let's go. In the swamps?

617
00:36:29,187 --> 00:36:32,213
- Yeah.
- Can we go there?

618
00:36:32,290 --> 00:36:34,383
- Let's go.
- Well, I'll confront him,

619
00:36:34,458 --> 00:36:37,120
- and we will talk about it.
- I think that's a great idea.

620
00:36:37,195 --> 00:36:39,063
I'd like to see you confront someone.

621
00:36:40,198 --> 00:36:41,995
- There he is, right there.
- All right, Zack, ready?

622
00:36:42,233 --> 00:36:43,461
Come on!

623
00:36:45,102 --> 00:36:48,196
- Come on!
- Road trip, motherfucker!

624
00:36:48,272 --> 00:36:51,070
Get the fuck in the car, you fucker!

625
00:36:52,143 --> 00:36:54,236
- All right, drive. Drive!
- Go!

626
00:36:55,680 --> 00:36:59,081
Everybody wave.
Say hello to that guy.

627
00:36:59,550 --> 00:37:01,450
We're going! Where am I going?

628
00:37:10,161 --> 00:37:11,651
Nicole keeps texting me.

629
00:37:11,729 --> 00:37:13,162
Are you going to talk to her?

630
00:37:13,331 --> 00:37:14,559
I don't think I should.

631
00:37:14,665 --> 00:37:16,895
I'm trying to think more in the moment,
and right now,

632
00:37:16,968 --> 00:37:20,404
I need to stop thinking about Nicole
and start thinking about Becca.

633
00:37:20,471 --> 00:37:21,733
I understand that.

634
00:37:21,806 --> 00:37:25,606
Some of the best sex I've ever had
is with people I don't know.

635
00:37:25,676 --> 00:37:28,509
- That's really sketchy.
- It's true!

636
00:37:29,447 --> 00:37:32,541
- Who wants water gators?
- What in God's name is this?

637
00:37:34,385 --> 00:37:35,477
What the fuck?

638
00:37:35,720 --> 00:37:37,381
Get excited, man.

639
00:37:37,455 --> 00:37:40,913
There's nothing more fun
than something a little wrong.

640
00:37:40,992 --> 00:37:45,793
And what you're doing is so fucking wrong
that it's awesome.

641
00:37:46,364 --> 00:37:49,492
Before you know it, you're doing shit
you would have never imagined.

642
00:37:54,138 --> 00:37:56,368
- Snooker Island?
- Do you know where Snooker Island is?

643
00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:58,704
Untie this little rope around here.

644
00:37:58,776 --> 00:37:59,765
- Oh, shit!
- Oh, shit.

645
00:37:59,844 --> 00:38:00,868
You ain't going nowhere.

646
00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:17,188
Hey, Dad.

647
00:38:17,261 --> 00:38:20,560
Hey, hey. What's up, Matt?

648
00:38:22,767 --> 00:38:27,295
How's it going there? Loving it?
You loving this baby?

649
00:38:28,839 --> 00:38:32,798
So, I kind of put some extra care
into outfitting it.

650
00:38:32,877 --> 00:38:34,469
I'm just so grateful
to have this in my life.

651
00:38:34,545 --> 00:38:39,482
It's the only thing that I have that's mine,
you know?

652
00:38:39,550 --> 00:38:41,643
But someday it'll be yours.

653
00:38:44,021 --> 00:38:45,010
Thank you.

654
00:38:46,324 --> 00:38:49,452
Dad, do you have a minute
that we can go talk in private?

655
00:38:50,027 --> 00:38:51,016
Yeah.

656
00:38:52,363 --> 00:38:58,063
- I'm sorry. Are you saying I stole money?
- I wasn't talking to you. I was...

657
00:38:58,135 --> 00:38:59,727
Did you do this?

658
00:39:02,006 --> 00:39:04,099
- What are you? A moron?
- No.

659
00:39:04,175 --> 00:39:05,199
You know something about your dad?

660
00:39:05,276 --> 00:39:08,268
I don't know if you know this or not,
but your dad is a little bitch.

661
00:39:08,346 --> 00:39:10,109
Did you know that?
You probably do know that,

662
00:39:10,181 --> 00:39:13,014
'cause you lived with him for a while.
If people weren't here...

663
00:39:13,084 --> 00:39:14,745
Just fucking get that shit out of my face.

664
00:39:14,819 --> 00:39:18,448
We came all the way out here just for that,
and I...

665
00:39:18,522 --> 00:39:22,686
Do I look like a bank?
I mean, I can't press a button

666
00:39:22,760 --> 00:39:25,786
and money's gonna
just fucking pop out of nowhere.

667
00:39:25,863 --> 00:39:28,058
You could, you know,
have some compassion for me

668
00:39:28,132 --> 00:39:29,224
and stuff like that. I mean...

669
00:39:29,300 --> 00:39:32,997
- I have plenty of compassion for you.
- Can I just say something?

670
00:39:33,070 --> 00:39:36,870
I just wanted you to know that, you know,

671
00:39:36,941 --> 00:39:39,341
the person who did
whatever it is that you think I did

672
00:39:39,410 --> 00:39:40,502
was not really me,

673
00:39:40,578 --> 00:39:44,036
'cause that was a person
who was on drugs who did that.

674
00:39:45,983 --> 00:39:48,451
So, let me get...
Are you using drugs right now?

675
00:39:48,519 --> 00:39:51,647
- No, of course I'm not using drugs.
- You're clearheaded?

676
00:39:51,722 --> 00:39:54,782
Yeah. No. I mean, yeah. Absolutely.

677
00:39:54,859 --> 00:39:56,918
And you have no intention
of paying me back?

678
00:39:58,929 --> 00:40:00,920
Well, I'm a drug addict, man.

679
00:40:01,499 --> 00:40:04,229
Matt, let's get the fuck out of here.

680
00:40:06,170 --> 00:40:09,697
- All right, you guys ready?
- Wait, Matt, where you going?

681
00:40:30,995 --> 00:40:32,622
That was awesome.

682
00:40:33,931 --> 00:40:37,594
Thanks for nothing, dickwad!

683
00:40:41,472 --> 00:40:44,208
- Matt, let's go get drunk.
- Yeah.

684
00:40:44,341 --> 00:40:47,333
Party's all inside.
Bring us a beer on your way out.

685
00:40:47,411 --> 00:40:48,503
Okay.

686
00:41:01,959 --> 00:41:05,417
I want to grow up to be him.

687
00:41:09,500 --> 00:41:12,435
Hey! Who has a match? Who has a match?

688
00:41:16,140 --> 00:41:19,632
Smoking's bad. Smoking's bad.

689
00:41:54,011 --> 00:41:57,003
- You're so good.
- Thank you.

690
00:41:57,081 --> 00:41:59,413
- You're good.
- Hey.

691
00:42:11,695 --> 00:42:14,163
- You guys into incense porn?
- Incense?

692
00:42:14,231 --> 00:42:17,530
- Zack, stop it! Stop it!
- Incest porn?

693
00:42:17,601 --> 00:42:19,466
You guys into incest porn?

694
00:42:20,237 --> 00:42:23,070
Like you've never gotten a boner off of me.

695
00:42:23,140 --> 00:42:26,303
- Like you've never seen me in the buff.
- I've never gotten your...

696
00:42:26,377 --> 00:42:27,969
- What the fuck?
- I have.

697
00:42:28,045 --> 00:42:29,171
Thank you, Jacob.

698
00:42:29,246 --> 00:42:32,909
Zack, why are you so upset, buddy?
I mean, think about it, now. Be honest.

699
00:42:32,983 --> 00:42:36,316
They're not really brother and sister.

700
00:42:36,387 --> 00:42:38,048
They're not related.
It's not like you and Krysta.

701
00:42:38,122 --> 00:42:39,953
But they're my brother and sister.

702
00:42:40,024 --> 00:42:44,893
But they're not related. Admit it.
They're not really brother and sister.

703
00:42:44,962 --> 00:42:46,293
There's no blood shared there.

704
00:42:47,932 --> 00:42:51,629
That is why I wouldn't make out
with my brother and Krysta.

705
00:42:54,471 --> 00:42:57,338
Fuck. Jesus!

706
00:42:57,408 --> 00:42:58,636
Write...

707
00:43:01,145 --> 00:43:02,237
Nice.

708
00:43:05,683 --> 00:43:06,707
- Justin.
- What?

709
00:43:06,784 --> 00:43:09,480
I think Matt and Krysta are hooking up.

710
00:43:27,237 --> 00:43:29,967
- Zack.
- What the fuck?

711
00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:33,373
Just get up.
Look, there's something you gotta see.

712
00:43:33,444 --> 00:43:36,072
- Did someone die?
- There's a situation.

713
00:43:39,817 --> 00:43:43,014
No, no, don't go that way. Zack, come here,
come here, come here, come here.

714
00:43:43,087 --> 00:43:45,146
- Just open up that tent.
- What...

715
00:43:48,492 --> 00:43:53,520
This is pathetic. She's still sleeping.
It's not funny.

716
00:43:55,566 --> 00:43:56,590
Stop it.

717
00:43:56,667 --> 00:44:00,763
Why are you guys naked?
Oh, no, no, no. Matt, out.

718
00:44:03,273 --> 00:44:05,104
- Hey. Now.
- Get out of here.

719
00:44:05,175 --> 00:44:08,110
Everybody calm down.

720
00:44:08,178 --> 00:44:10,339
It's all good.

721
00:44:13,984 --> 00:44:15,383
It's all good!

722
00:44:16,720 --> 00:44:18,347
Other tent. Now. I'm serious.

723
00:44:18,422 --> 00:44:20,481
- I will fucking hit you.
- Mind your own fucking business.

724
00:44:20,557 --> 00:44:23,856
- I'm sorry?
- Yes! Mind your own business!

725
00:44:25,863 --> 00:44:26,921
Good night, Matt.

726
00:44:26,997 --> 00:44:29,124
- And Krysta.
- What? Stop it.

727
00:44:29,199 --> 00:44:34,068
- I'm very disappointed in you.
- Well, I can do whatever the fuck I want.

728
00:44:34,138 --> 00:44:36,129
I don't think you want to fuck Matt.

729
00:44:41,979 --> 00:44:43,412
- Krysta?
- What?

730
00:44:43,647 --> 00:44:48,482
Can we make a new rule?
No more attempted sibling sex?

731
00:44:50,754 --> 00:44:52,187
Deal.

732
00:44:52,256 --> 00:44:56,784
Hey, just so you know,
I was really drunk last night.

733
00:44:56,860 --> 00:45:00,057
That's... It's not ever gonna happen again.

734
00:45:01,465 --> 00:45:05,265
- I... Yeah, I... I understand. It's cool.
- Listen.

735
00:45:06,837 --> 00:45:10,102
You're not gonna lose your virginity
with me, okay?

736
00:45:13,410 --> 00:45:16,208
Get up, baby. We're gonna get you that suit.

737
00:45:16,280 --> 00:45:18,840
Yeah.

738
00:45:33,063 --> 00:45:35,088
- Sorry, dude.
- Dude, everybody's in the position.

739
00:45:35,165 --> 00:45:38,692
- Ready to go. Are you ready?
- Hey, dude. Okay.

740
00:45:38,769 --> 00:45:40,168
Don't even worry.

741
00:45:40,237 --> 00:45:44,503
The guy out front goes on break right now.

742
00:45:45,442 --> 00:45:46,500
I look okay?

743
00:45:46,577 --> 00:45:49,205
- You look like a child pornographer.
- Thanks.

744
00:45:49,279 --> 00:45:54,046
How can I sustain $40,000 right now?
I'm not a fucking bank! Dumb motherfucker!

745
00:45:54,118 --> 00:45:57,849
I'm gonna start counting.
I get to three, one, two, three...

746
00:46:02,092 --> 00:46:03,684
Fuck! We're dead!

747
00:46:05,763 --> 00:46:06,923
Sorry.

748
00:46:08,966 --> 00:46:11,730
Rape! Rape! Rape!

749
00:46:25,783 --> 00:46:28,377
How many spots are on a baby giraffe?

750
00:46:28,452 --> 00:46:31,114
A baby giraffe
A baby giraffe

751
00:46:31,188 --> 00:46:33,383
Let's count the spots on a baby giraffe

752
00:46:33,857 --> 00:46:35,449
Let's start with one

753
00:46:35,526 --> 00:46:38,984
- One. One, two, three
- One, two, three, four, five

754
00:46:39,062 --> 00:46:42,190
- Four, five, six, seven
- Six, seven, eight, nine, 10

755
00:46:42,266 --> 00:46:44,200
I'm gonna be completely honest right now.

756
00:46:44,268 --> 00:46:46,259
I thought you were gonna fucking pussy out.

757
00:46:46,336 --> 00:46:48,395
You did so good, dude.
It was fucking awesome.

758
00:46:48,472 --> 00:46:54,604
I... I don't know. I've... I've never...
I've never felt anything like this before.

759
00:46:54,678 --> 00:46:56,908
- What?
- Not even when I was with Nicole, man.

760
00:46:56,980 --> 00:47:02,350
I've... I've never felt this close to...
To having sex.

761
00:47:04,021 --> 00:47:07,257
- I'm excited for you.
- Thanks, man.

762
00:47:15,032 --> 00:47:16,363
Hey, Becca.

763
00:47:17,935 --> 00:47:19,994
- Becca. Wow!
- What's going on? How you doing?

764
00:47:20,070 --> 00:47:23,733
You look even prettier...
You look even prettier than...

765
00:47:23,807 --> 00:47:25,900
Than the pictures that you sent.
You're prettier in real life.

766
00:47:25,976 --> 00:47:31,073
Thank you. I like your glasses.
Hi, honey! How are you?

767
00:47:31,315 --> 00:47:34,182
- Hey, little guy.
- That's my son, Renner.

768
00:47:34,952 --> 00:47:36,249
- Can you say hi, Renner?
- Son?

769
00:47:36,320 --> 00:47:38,220
- Hi.
- Renner, you remember...

770
00:47:38,288 --> 00:47:40,620
Do you remember Matt from the video?

771
00:47:40,691 --> 00:47:44,923
- You showed him my video?
- Is this the guy that had diarrhea?

772
00:47:44,995 --> 00:47:48,431
Yes, I did have diarrhea once.

773
00:47:53,303 --> 00:47:57,205
Sure. Renner, do you want a photo?

774
00:47:57,274 --> 00:47:59,242
- Okay.
- Okay. All right.

775
00:47:59,309 --> 00:48:01,402
You ready? Say cheese.

776
00:48:05,782 --> 00:48:08,751
You guys look great. You look like a family.

777
00:48:12,422 --> 00:48:17,257
Hey, Renner, have you ever seen
your mom naked? I have.

778
00:48:23,734 --> 00:48:25,099
- So, I will see you tomorrow.
- Okay.

779
00:48:25,168 --> 00:48:28,831
- All right, great. So, I'll just get a...
- Sounds good. I'm gonna give you this.

780
00:48:28,906 --> 00:48:32,467
- Thank you.
- There's that. Just a...

781
00:48:32,542 --> 00:48:34,533
- Thank you.
- I'll see you.

782
00:48:40,217 --> 00:48:46,087
I could be a dad. It says, "Please be
showered, shaved, and no pubic hair".

783
00:48:47,291 --> 00:48:48,315
Holy shit.

784
00:48:48,392 --> 00:48:50,189
I mean, we talked about it a little bit.

785
00:48:50,260 --> 00:48:54,253
She said pubic hair, you know,
prevents people from getting as deep

786
00:48:54,331 --> 00:48:58,097
- as... You know, as possible.
- Then do it.

787
00:48:58,168 --> 00:49:00,602
I'm kind of...
I have butterflies in my stomach right now.

788
00:49:00,671 --> 00:49:02,536
You should have butterflies in your penis.

789
00:49:02,606 --> 00:49:08,306
I feel, I feel, I feel happier than I have
since, since I broke up with Nicole.

790
00:49:08,745 --> 00:49:10,303
High-five.

791
00:49:10,380 --> 00:49:11,847
Kickflip.

792
00:49:17,554 --> 00:49:21,251
You need to control every single thing
that happens in that room.

793
00:49:21,325 --> 00:49:24,556
Not only will it make you feel better,
it's gonna turn her on.

794
00:49:24,628 --> 00:49:27,062
I would actually be more comfortable
if I didn't have

795
00:49:27,130 --> 00:49:29,291
- to be in control. I like letting it...
- I would be more comfortable

796
00:49:29,366 --> 00:49:30,697
if my brother wasn't an old woman.

797
00:49:32,202 --> 00:49:33,396
Shall we check further along?

798
00:49:34,705 --> 00:49:36,195
Dude, you're being a pussy.

799
00:49:37,541 --> 00:49:40,908
Slightly, yes. I mean, very slightly.

800
00:49:40,978 --> 00:49:42,377
I don't know where
to begin with her, though.

801
00:49:42,446 --> 00:49:44,573
- What do I say? What do I...
- You say...

802
00:49:44,648 --> 00:49:48,982
You say anything you want to say.
You have no reason to freak out.

803
00:49:49,052 --> 00:49:52,613
I... I'm... I'm...
I'm thinking of all the possibilities.

804
00:49:52,689 --> 00:49:55,954
She could, you know, get on top,
take the initiative,

805
00:49:56,026 --> 00:49:59,393
and, you know, just... Just be a man for...
Just this once.

806
00:49:59,463 --> 00:50:00,896
You need to grow a pair of balls.

807
00:50:00,964 --> 00:50:02,989
- I have balls.
- Fucking give it to her.

808
00:50:03,066 --> 00:50:06,866
- I have the balls to give it to her.
- She's gonna fuck your brains out.

809
00:50:08,405 --> 00:50:09,394
Yeah.

810
00:50:14,411 --> 00:50:16,845
- That's gonna hurt.
- All right, I got a razor, buddy.

811
00:50:19,950 --> 00:50:20,974
You ready?

812
00:50:21,051 --> 00:50:25,317
Such a... This is, like,
the weirdest situation I've ever been in.

813
00:50:26,323 --> 00:50:27,347
Let's do this.

814
00:50:30,927 --> 00:50:32,656
- Why is that funny?
- It's not a massage.

815
00:50:32,729 --> 00:50:36,790
You rub it around the fucking hairy parts,
not your whole dick, you weirdo.

816
00:50:37,634 --> 00:50:40,364
- Just keep shaving, man.
- It's tedious work, dude.

817
00:50:40,437 --> 00:50:42,837
You're not really getting very much off.

818
00:50:42,906 --> 00:50:45,841
- Can't see what I'm doing.
- Just push hard. Push harder.

819
00:50:49,880 --> 00:50:53,782
Hey, you got this. You're golden.

820
00:50:53,850 --> 00:50:57,513
- I can't do it.
- Yes, you can, dude. Get up.

821
00:50:57,587 --> 00:50:58,952
You can do this.

822
00:50:59,022 --> 00:51:00,649
- I can't.
- Yeah, I'll do it with you.

823
00:51:01,558 --> 00:51:06,962
Could you? 'Cause I really can't.
No, my hands are shaking too much.

824
00:51:07,030 --> 00:51:12,662
So, when you're fucking her tonight,
you know what you should say?

825
00:51:12,736 --> 00:51:17,173
I was thinking about this last week.
You should say,

826
00:51:17,240 --> 00:51:21,301
"Girl, I'm gonna fuck the taste
right out of your mouth".

827
00:51:22,813 --> 00:51:26,909
No. No, I'm not saying that to anyone.

828
00:51:26,983 --> 00:51:28,644
- It's classy.
- It's not classy.

829
00:51:28,718 --> 00:51:32,814
It's very classy. That's something...
That's like holding the door for a woman.

830
00:51:32,889 --> 00:51:34,220
Saying that I want to fuck the taste

831
00:51:34,291 --> 00:51:37,089
- out of the woman?
- Absolutely.

832
00:51:37,160 --> 00:51:38,962
I am good at this.

833
00:51:40,864 --> 00:51:43,424
You ready? This is it.

834
00:51:45,802 --> 00:51:46,826
Let's go.

835
00:51:48,572 --> 00:51:49,732
Becca?

836
00:51:52,242 --> 00:51:53,436
Becca!

837
00:51:55,712 --> 00:51:57,077
Hey!

838
00:51:57,147 --> 00:51:59,479
The lock is messed up.
I'll lower a key to you.

839
00:51:59,883 --> 00:52:00,975
Okay.

840
00:52:06,590 --> 00:52:08,785
- Got it.
- Okay, come on up.

841
00:52:11,027 --> 00:52:12,085
Wow.

842
00:52:12,329 --> 00:52:14,354
You look fantastic.

843
00:52:14,531 --> 00:52:16,021
Got you these flowers.

844
00:52:16,466 --> 00:52:18,366
- They look great.
- Thanks.

845
00:52:19,136 --> 00:52:20,694
So, see you later.

846
00:52:20,770 --> 00:52:21,964
All right.

847
00:52:22,038 --> 00:52:23,699
Thanks, dude.

848
00:52:24,441 --> 00:52:26,136
I can take it from here.

849
00:52:26,209 --> 00:52:27,301
Okay, bye.

850
00:52:27,377 --> 00:52:29,709
Bye. I'll see you guys later. Have fun.

851
00:52:32,616 --> 00:52:33,947
Bye, Zack.

852
00:52:36,119 --> 00:52:40,749
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was just finding
the stairs. I found them. They're here.

853
00:52:44,828 --> 00:52:46,455
Your suit's nice.

854
00:52:47,731 --> 00:52:53,601
You look good. I jacked off twice today
thinking about you.

855
00:52:56,239 --> 00:53:01,199
Yeah, you know, right back at you.
I've just been, like, 24-7.

856
00:53:01,278 --> 00:53:06,545
That's flattering. Did you do everything
that I asked you to do?

857
00:53:06,616 --> 00:53:08,243
- Yeah.
- Yeah?

858
00:53:10,187 --> 00:53:11,586
Clothes off.

859
00:53:13,523 --> 00:53:14,547
Sorry?

860
00:53:14,624 --> 00:53:19,084
Take your... Take your clothes off.
Let's see. I mean, you know.

861
00:53:23,233 --> 00:53:24,700
How was your day?

862
00:53:24,768 --> 00:53:26,759
- It was good. Good.
- Yeah?

863
00:53:33,843 --> 00:53:38,143
All right. Come on in.
Have a seat on my bed.

864
00:53:39,149 --> 00:53:41,083
Little champagne? No?

865
00:53:41,151 --> 00:53:44,882
Don't have any.
So, what do you want to do to me?

866
00:53:46,957 --> 00:53:49,892
Good sex requires good communication.

867
00:53:53,396 --> 00:53:57,093
All right, what if I started off with...

868
00:53:58,902 --> 00:54:01,200
Massaging your shoulders.

869
00:54:01,271 --> 00:54:05,207
- Okay, that's... That's a good start.
- And...

870
00:54:05,275 --> 00:54:06,299
What else?

871
00:54:09,646 --> 00:54:13,605
I'm not sure. That's all... That's all
for right now. That's all I can think of.

872
00:54:13,683 --> 00:54:19,212
Okay. That's...
That's what you fantasize about 24-7,

873
00:54:19,289 --> 00:54:21,951
jacking off to massaging?
Massaging my shoulders?

874
00:54:22,025 --> 00:54:25,461
Yeah, but then, whatever happens, happens.
Right? You know?

875
00:54:25,528 --> 00:54:30,158
Goes from there to the lower back
to the buttocks.

876
00:54:31,835 --> 00:54:36,135
Yeah. You know what?
I'm not really getting hot from that. Sorry.

877
00:54:36,206 --> 00:54:38,834
No, wait, no.

878
00:54:38,908 --> 00:54:43,436
Okay, what if after all that,

879
00:54:46,016 --> 00:54:49,247
I fuck the taste out of your mouth.

880
00:54:49,319 --> 00:54:51,719
- That's good?
- What? What...

881
00:54:54,391 --> 00:54:59,693
Okay. Tell me, why would I need
the taste fucked out of my mouth?

882
00:54:59,763 --> 00:55:01,824
- I don't... What does that mean?
- Well, I... If you need... If, like...

883
00:55:01,825 --> 00:55:03,325
I don't know.

884
00:55:03,400 --> 00:55:06,233
Do you think that I need the taste
fucked out of my mouth?

885
00:55:06,303 --> 00:55:08,841
I don't think... No.
I don't think you need it.

886
00:55:08,842 --> 00:55:11,742
I'm just saying that maybe
it's, like, a...

887
00:55:13,476 --> 00:55:15,467
- No.
- No.

888
00:55:15,545 --> 00:55:20,039
Just forget I said it.
Let's start at the beginning.

889
00:55:20,116 --> 00:55:21,276
Sorry.

890
00:55:22,619 --> 00:55:25,179
- Okay, you know what we're gonna do?
- What are we gonna do?

891
00:55:25,255 --> 00:55:28,713
Have you ever gone down on a girl?
Given a girl head?

892
00:55:28,792 --> 00:55:31,124
I mean, I got really close.

893
00:55:31,194 --> 00:55:33,492
- It was, like, inches away from my face.
- Okay. Yeah.

894
00:55:33,563 --> 00:55:36,464
- Well, that's where we're gonna start.
- Okay.

895
00:55:36,533 --> 00:55:40,970
Bend over here, and we're just
gonna pretend that this is me.

896
00:55:41,037 --> 00:55:44,165
That's... That has a penis.

897
00:55:44,240 --> 00:55:48,438
So, yeah. Just follow me over here.
She can just lay right here.

898
00:55:49,045 --> 00:55:52,640
And, you know,
we're just gonna start from the basics.

899
00:55:52,716 --> 00:55:54,547
Okay, if you need some support,

900
00:55:54,617 --> 00:55:57,984
pretend that the asshole is a pussy.
If you need to.

901
00:55:58,054 --> 00:55:59,180
Get on your knees first.

902
00:56:00,657 --> 00:56:03,626
On your knees. On your knees.

903
00:56:07,697 --> 00:56:11,155
Okay, take her legs up. There you go.

904
00:56:11,234 --> 00:56:14,294
Pretend... Pretend that's me. All right.

905
00:56:16,439 --> 00:56:18,907
Yeah. There you go.

906
00:56:20,744 --> 00:56:24,680
Now, just start kissing. There you go.

907
00:56:24,748 --> 00:56:28,411
Now, take your hand
and move it to the inside of her leg.

908
00:56:29,052 --> 00:56:32,988
Yeah? It's a little happy spot,
just the top.

909
00:56:35,525 --> 00:56:38,551
Lick and caress me. How does that feel?

910
00:56:38,628 --> 00:56:40,493
- Oh, my God.
- Don't fucking laugh. That's not funny.

911
00:56:40,563 --> 00:56:43,054
You like that?
You just gotta stay with that for...

912
00:56:43,133 --> 00:56:45,567
I've seen enough.
Can we please turn it off, now?

913
00:56:45,635 --> 00:56:48,126
Wait. It gets worse.

914
00:56:49,506 --> 00:56:53,738
Hi, my name is not actually Becca.
My real name is Kelly.

915
00:56:54,344 --> 00:56:57,939
Becca was a persona that I created
for my graduate thesis this year...

916
00:56:58,014 --> 00:57:01,882
on the simplicity of men.
I never returned to the loft last night.

917
00:57:02,252 --> 00:57:05,949
Matt was so desperate for sex
and had so little self-respect...

918
00:57:06,022 --> 00:57:10,254
that he waited for my return for
162 minutes.

919
00:57:10,727 --> 00:57:13,594
None of my other test subjects
waited for more than 50.

920
00:57:13,663 --> 00:57:17,895
Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana,
Maine, Maryland.

921
00:57:17,967 --> 00:57:20,629
Eleven, 12, 13 spots

922
00:57:20,703 --> 00:57:23,570
Thirteen spots are on a big giraffe

923
00:57:23,640 --> 00:57:28,304
A baby giraffe, a baby giraffe
Let's count the spots on the baby...

924
00:57:29,379 --> 00:57:31,370
If you would like any more
of this information,

925
00:57:31,448 --> 00:57:34,906
you can find it at my website,
male-animal. Info.

926
00:57:34,984 --> 00:57:38,920
That's male-animal. L- N-F-O.
Thanks very much.

927
00:57:40,990 --> 00:57:46,326
And also, I borrowed that kid.
He's not really my kid. Thank you.

928
00:57:46,396 --> 00:57:49,263
- How did we miss this?
- He looks like an idiot.

929
00:57:49,332 --> 00:57:51,129
- Yeah, that's...
- That's his own fault!

930
00:57:51,201 --> 00:57:52,828
- Is it his own fault?
- Yeah, I didn't tell him

931
00:57:52,902 --> 00:57:54,267
to eat out a fucking tranny doll!

932
00:57:54,337 --> 00:57:57,431
- Yeah, well, you told him...
- He waited around for 162 minutes.

933
00:57:57,507 --> 00:58:00,601
- What... You told him!
- Because he's a guy!

934
00:58:00,677 --> 00:58:02,167
- He doesn't know how to deal with women.
- His fault.

935
00:58:02,245 --> 00:58:04,611
You told Matt to have sex
with a girl on the Internet.

936
00:58:04,681 --> 00:58:07,149
- Low on the priority list right now.
- You're appalled? You're appalled?

937
00:58:07,217 --> 00:58:09,879
- I... I am absolutely disgusted.
- You have a camera attached to you

938
00:58:09,953 --> 00:58:11,682
at all times.

939
00:58:11,754 --> 00:58:14,882
- Yeah, man. This is true.
- This is what you are doing.

940
00:58:14,958 --> 00:58:17,984
- Jesus. Where's the camera?
- Right there.

941
00:58:19,062 --> 00:58:20,723
- No!
- Fuck!

942
00:58:22,799 --> 00:58:26,326
- I told you not to show anybody!
- Where did you come from?

943
00:58:26,402 --> 00:58:30,338
Guys, stop it. Fight like men! My God!

944
00:58:30,406 --> 00:58:33,500
Matt, why the fuck are you so mad?

945
00:58:33,576 --> 00:58:36,067
- Because you ruined my life!
- No, I didn't!

946
00:58:36,145 --> 00:58:41,184
You were just Rickrolled! Calm down!
You're just Chocolate Rain! This will pass!

947
00:58:43,219 --> 00:58:46,620
Matty? Can we come in?

948
00:58:46,689 --> 00:58:49,852
Maybe he just needs some time
to sort things out.

949
00:58:49,926 --> 00:58:52,986
You can't let him just sleep all day.

950
00:58:53,062 --> 00:58:55,724
He won't show his face over there anymore.
Can you blame him?

951
00:58:55,798 --> 00:58:58,130
Good Lord, what that girl did to him.

952
00:58:58,201 --> 00:59:00,032
Well, you know,
the school year's almost over,

953
00:59:00,103 --> 00:59:03,834
so maybe he can just get his GED.

954
00:59:09,612 --> 00:59:11,375
Matt! Come on!

955
00:59:11,447 --> 00:59:14,211
- Matt, come in the pool, man.
- No.

956
00:59:26,329 --> 00:59:30,527
This is how you have sex. You have
to have your whole body on the inside.

957
00:59:30,967 --> 00:59:33,663
- Matthew.
- Stop it. Stop!

958
00:59:34,671 --> 00:59:36,104
Dude, what the fuck?

959
00:59:37,707 --> 00:59:40,039
Matt, you can fuck the taste
out of my mouth!

960
00:59:43,112 --> 00:59:46,309
I'm a descendent of Cleopatra.

961
00:59:54,123 --> 01:00:00,084
This video is fucking bullshit, that you
fucking give men a fucking bad name, Matt.

962
01:00:00,163 --> 01:00:02,631
I don't care how big
of a fucking nerd Matt is.

963
01:00:02,699 --> 01:00:05,133
Matt, you're a fucking nerd,
and you know it!

964
01:00:05,201 --> 01:00:09,968
You're licking the fucking ass
of a fucking male... What the fuck?

965
01:00:10,206 --> 01:00:14,836
- Do you want to explain these dolls to me?
- Well... Jesus Christ, Mom!

966
01:00:17,880 --> 01:00:20,974
Hey, Matt? You know I'm sorry, right?

967
01:00:24,621 --> 01:00:27,351
- Dude, come on!
- Dude, they're my muffins!

968
01:00:27,423 --> 01:00:31,484
This isn't even my fault. Maybe you
should stop feeling sorry for yourself

969
01:00:31,561 --> 01:00:34,496
and get off your ass and do something.

970
01:00:34,564 --> 01:00:36,657
That's easy for you to say, man.

971
01:00:36,733 --> 01:00:40,965
You don't have a dead mother
and a prick father.

972
01:00:41,037 --> 01:00:44,473
You have two wonderful parents
who do whatever you ask them to do.

973
01:00:44,540 --> 01:00:45,802
They're your parents, too!

974
01:00:45,875 --> 01:00:50,335
They're not my parents.
They're just two people who took pity on me

975
01:00:50,413 --> 01:00:54,213
because their own biological son
was such a fuckup

976
01:00:54,283 --> 01:00:58,219
that he should have been aborted
the second he was conceived.

977
01:00:58,287 --> 01:01:03,520
You know what? That's not nice.
So, fuck you, and fuck your muffins.

978
01:01:20,343 --> 01:01:21,640
Everyone say "suck it!"

979
01:01:21,711 --> 01:01:23,178
- Suck it!
- Suck it!

980
01:01:24,847 --> 01:01:26,781
What the fuck?

981
01:01:28,351 --> 01:01:31,946
Wait, wait, come back. We have to rap.

982
01:01:33,823 --> 01:01:35,757
Fuck!

983
01:01:35,825 --> 01:01:37,690
Fuck-you cam!

984
01:01:37,760 --> 01:01:40,991
Why do you always fucking bring
the camera around? It's so fucking gay!

985
01:01:41,064 --> 01:01:44,591
Fuck-you cam! Fuck-you cam!

986
01:01:48,671 --> 01:01:52,698
- Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
- Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

987
01:01:58,347 --> 01:02:01,441
- That's my hat. When did you get my hat?
- It's a nice hat.

988
01:02:01,517 --> 01:02:04,077
Yeah, you're fucking...

989
01:02:04,153 --> 01:02:06,053
Matt can talk to me himself.

990
01:02:06,122 --> 01:02:10,115
He's not going to.
He hasn't left his room in two weeks.

991
01:02:10,193 --> 01:02:13,651
Well, that's his fault. I couldn't fix it.

992
01:02:13,730 --> 01:02:15,960
You fucking cheated on Matt.

993
01:02:16,432 --> 01:02:21,460
I think he's so insecure
that his heart is so broken

994
01:02:21,537 --> 01:02:25,871
that he's never gonna be able to forgive me,
and it's never gonna work.

995
01:02:28,344 --> 01:02:32,940
So, Nicole,
why haven't you and Matt had sex yet?

996
01:02:33,015 --> 01:02:35,643
- Ask him.
- No, I'm gonna ask you.

997
01:02:35,718 --> 01:02:41,520
It's okay. I... You know, it's my fault.
I just want it all to be perfect.

998
01:02:41,591 --> 01:02:44,924
It's gonna be perfect. I don't know why
you worry about it so much.

999
01:02:45,728 --> 01:02:48,663
Can we just change the subject, please?

1000
01:02:50,533 --> 01:02:52,160
- Yeah.
- I just don't want to complicate it,

1001
01:02:52,235 --> 01:02:54,328
you know?

1002
01:02:54,403 --> 01:02:55,461
Yeah.

1003
01:02:56,172 --> 01:02:58,106
Nicole, do you think Matt's
over-thinking this?

1004
01:02:58,174 --> 01:03:00,642
- Yes. Absolutely.
- Yeah.

1005
01:03:00,710 --> 01:03:03,372
- You're just, like, get it out of the way.
- Yeah.

1006
01:03:03,446 --> 01:03:08,110
Matt has fallen ill
with two acute medical conditions.

1007
01:03:08,184 --> 01:03:14,054
Blue balls and a broken heart.
And my associate, Jacob, and I

1008
01:03:14,257 --> 01:03:16,487
have found a way to cure this problem.

1009
01:03:16,559 --> 01:03:19,153
With all the bad shit
that Matt's been through,

1010
01:03:19,228 --> 01:03:23,665
this is the perfect way to turn his frown
upside down and just get him fucked.

1011
01:03:23,733 --> 01:03:28,295
Yeah. I completely agree. There we go.
There she is. Sunny Leone.

1012
01:03:29,939 --> 01:03:34,569
We spoke to Sunny, we agreed on a price,
and now we just need to raise the money.

1013
01:03:34,944 --> 01:03:37,845
The one thing is, she's also very expensive.

1014
01:03:37,914 --> 01:03:41,350
We both really want him to be happy,
and I think this is one of the only ways,

1015
01:03:41,417 --> 01:03:43,442
if not the only way,
this is actually gonna happen,

1016
01:03:43,519 --> 01:03:46,519
so... we have to get
the money together to...

1017
01:03:46,520 --> 01:03:49,220
get this girl to just...
fuck his brains out,

1018
01:03:49,292 --> 01:03:53,558
and hopefully he'll just shit the stick
right out of his ass. It'd be good for him.

1019
01:03:54,163 --> 01:03:56,131
Not bad.

1020
01:03:56,766 --> 01:03:59,428
We need you all to look as attractive
as you possibly can.

1021
01:03:59,502 --> 01:04:01,129
Which isn't very hard.

1022
01:04:01,404 --> 01:04:02,666
Car wash!

1023
01:04:05,208 --> 01:04:08,109
- Would you like some chocolate?
- We're raising money for our friend Matt.

1024
01:04:08,177 --> 01:04:10,505
He's a virgin,
and we're trying to hire...

1025
01:04:10,506 --> 01:04:12,706
His favorite pornographic film star...

1026
01:04:12,782 --> 01:04:15,114
- You know, Sunny Leone...
- Do you know who Sunny Leone is?

1027
01:04:15,184 --> 01:04:17,311
...to spend some time with him,
if you know what I mean.

1028
01:04:17,386 --> 01:04:18,785
We want to get him laid.

1029
01:04:18,855 --> 01:04:21,156
Happy Christmas!

1030
01:04:21,157 --> 01:04:23,018
A friend is losing his virginity...

1031
01:04:23,119 --> 01:04:26,819
to a porn star, and I'm hiring her,
so I need some money.

1032
01:04:27,396 --> 01:04:28,761
All right, how much is a chocolate?

1033
01:04:28,831 --> 01:04:30,628
- No, I'm not...
- Let me see if I got something.

1034
01:04:30,700 --> 01:04:32,531
- All right. That's what I'm talking about.
- Come on.

1035
01:04:32,602 --> 01:04:35,537
- No, no, it's for the... It's for the kid.
- Don't!

1036
01:04:35,605 --> 01:04:36,663
Are you kidding me?

1037
01:04:36,739 --> 01:04:37,831
Twenty.

1038
01:04:40,042 --> 01:04:41,066
Five dollars.

1039
01:04:44,580 --> 01:04:46,013
Happy Christmas!

1040
01:04:54,390 --> 01:04:59,919
Have you ever lost your virginities?
You want to meet my friend?

1041
01:05:01,130 --> 01:05:02,495
We raised all the money.

1042
01:05:02,565 --> 01:05:05,830
Now the only problem
is getting Matt out of the house.

1043
01:05:05,902 --> 01:05:07,460
- That's the goal.
- What's going on?

1044
01:05:07,536 --> 01:05:08,969
Matt won't come out of his room,

1045
01:05:09,038 --> 01:05:12,064
so we're about to get Jacob
some army clothes.

1046
01:05:12,141 --> 01:05:15,474
- You're actually going to join the army?
- Absolutely.

1047
01:05:15,544 --> 01:05:16,772
Really?

1048
01:05:16,846 --> 01:05:21,408
No, no. I'm just gonna give him
some initiative to get out of the house

1049
01:05:21,484 --> 01:05:23,975
and do something,
so he can get his life back together.

1050
01:05:24,053 --> 01:05:26,851
If he doesn't come out for that,
that's the straw, bro.

1051
01:05:26,923 --> 01:05:28,413
- I think he'll do it.
- Yeah.

1052
01:05:28,958 --> 01:05:32,553
Where are most of the uniforms?

1053
01:05:32,628 --> 01:05:34,960
Fucker!

1054
01:05:35,031 --> 01:05:37,124
- Oh, hello! I'm liking these.
- Exactly.

1055
01:05:37,199 --> 01:05:39,759
Dude, that's a boy scout uniform.

1056
01:05:41,704 --> 01:05:43,433
- Hello!
- I like black.

1057
01:05:44,774 --> 01:05:46,173
Working all night

1058
01:05:46,242 --> 01:05:48,107
- Perfect. Let's go.
- That's nice. Sexy.

1059
01:05:48,177 --> 01:05:49,337
- Thanks, baby.
- I just want to rape you

1060
01:05:49,412 --> 01:05:50,538
up the butt right now.

1061
01:05:50,613 --> 01:05:53,480
- Put the sailor hat on. Dingbat!
- I'm here.

1062
01:05:53,849 --> 01:05:56,750
Everybody ready? All right, ladies.
Fuck that. Come on.

1063
01:05:56,819 --> 01:06:00,619
- This is very, very important.
- I can't believe you joined the army.

1064
01:06:00,690 --> 01:06:02,920
Hey, buddy.
I'm really going to miss you, bro.

1065
01:06:02,992 --> 01:06:06,928
You know, if I don't do it, who will?
Do I want to die? No. Of course not.

1066
01:06:06,996 --> 01:06:10,159
- Do I want to kill somebody? Fuck, yeah.
- Hook me up, Zack.

1067
01:06:10,232 --> 01:06:11,631
Dude, you know where you're going yet?

1068
01:06:12,301 --> 01:06:15,031
Yeah, I'm going all over the place.
I'm going all over the world.

1069
01:06:15,104 --> 01:06:18,904
I mean, fucking many places.
I'm doing a full 10, 12...

1070
01:06:18,975 --> 01:06:20,533
I'm gonna do a 15-year tour.

1071
01:06:20,609 --> 01:06:22,668
After I ship out,
we might never hang out again.

1072
01:06:22,745 --> 01:06:26,181
That's why tonight we're gonna have
the best night of our lives.

1073
01:06:26,248 --> 01:06:27,579
Fucking-A.

1074
01:06:27,650 --> 01:06:30,118
Yeah, let's make a to... Okay.

1075
01:06:30,186 --> 01:06:31,345
- Fuck toasts.
- I'll pour another one,

1076
01:06:31,346 --> 01:06:32,320
I'll pour another one.

1077
01:06:32,321 --> 01:06:37,588
Freedom of the Iraqi people that I will
help bring, 'cause that's one of the...

1078
01:06:37,660 --> 01:06:39,355
- Just cheers to it. Yeah!
- Yeah!

1079
01:06:39,428 --> 01:06:40,725
- Cheers!
- Cheers!

1080
01:06:40,796 --> 01:06:43,165
You sound like a bunch of maniacs.

1081
01:07:15,664 --> 01:07:19,896
Hey, guys,
let's send this fucker off to Iran, huh?

1082
01:07:20,002 --> 01:07:21,367
- Let's do it.
- Ready for a good time, Matty?

1083
01:07:21,437 --> 01:07:23,905
- Yes, absolutely.
- Matty boy!

1084
01:07:23,973 --> 01:07:26,840
- All right. We're on the VIP comp sheet.
- I know.

1085
01:07:26,909 --> 01:07:28,206
Okay. Let's go.

1086
01:07:54,837 --> 01:07:58,739
All right, ladies and gentlemen,
this is what you've been waiting for, boys.

1087
01:07:58,808 --> 01:08:02,573
Very special treat for you
on the stage is triple-X superstar,

1088
01:08:02,574 --> 01:08:03,974
the Vivid contract girl.

1089
01:08:04,046 --> 01:08:08,710
You might have seen her in such films
as Dark Side of Sunny, It's Sunny in Brazil,

1090
01:08:08,784 --> 01:08:11,810
and Sunny & Cher.
Guys, coming up here on the main stage.

1091
01:08:11,887 --> 01:08:17,621
Let's give a huge, warm welcome
to the one and only Miss Sunny Leone!

1092
01:08:34,343 --> 01:08:38,473
- Leave the camera off.
- It's off. It's off. It's off.

1093
01:08:57,032 --> 01:09:00,729
Ladies and gentlemen, we are looking
for that big round of applause.

1094
01:09:00,803 --> 01:09:04,295
People, put those hands together right now.
Better make some noise.

1095
01:09:04,373 --> 01:09:08,605
That is Sunny Leone herself, stepping down
on to the main stage for you there.

1096
01:09:08,677 --> 01:09:10,406
It doesn't get any better than that.

1097
01:09:12,815 --> 01:09:14,407
It's time to meet Sunny.

1098
01:09:14,617 --> 01:09:17,245
- What?
- Let's go!

1099
01:09:17,720 --> 01:09:20,883
- Matt, we fucking hooked you up.
- Hooked you up.

1100
01:09:22,024 --> 01:09:23,753
I don't understand.

1101
01:09:24,793 --> 01:09:27,990
Dude, we got... We got you something that's,
like, fucking insane.

1102
01:09:28,063 --> 01:09:29,155
I don't know how to explain it.

1103
01:09:29,231 --> 01:09:31,529
- It's nothing but good things.
- Hey.

1104
01:09:31,600 --> 01:09:33,795
- Does it mean...
- No. Fuck it.

1105
01:09:38,240 --> 01:09:40,538
- Come on, dude.
- Just be yourself.

1106
01:09:40,609 --> 01:09:44,636
- Hi.
- How's it going, guys? Hi, Matt.

1107
01:09:44,713 --> 01:09:47,546
- It's really nice to meet you.
- It's nice to meet you.

1108
01:09:48,017 --> 01:09:52,886
Sunny, anytime I walk in
on Matt masturbating...

1109
01:09:57,159 --> 01:09:59,252
- It's true.
- It's nice. I'm glad I can help you out.

1110
01:09:59,328 --> 01:10:01,159
- Thank you.
- Did you guys like the show?

1111
01:10:01,230 --> 01:10:02,857
- Yes. Yes.
- It was amazing.

1112
01:10:02,932 --> 01:10:04,559
- You were great.
- Poignant.

1113
01:10:04,633 --> 01:10:06,328
Could I have one of these DVDs?

1114
01:10:06,402 --> 01:10:09,166
- Do you got $20, sailor?
- No. I don't even have any pockets.

1115
01:10:09,238 --> 01:10:10,569
Then you gotta put it back down.

1116
01:10:10,639 --> 01:10:12,834
Well, I'm going to get undressed
and re-dressed,

1117
01:10:12,908 --> 01:10:15,706
- and I'll see you in a couple of minutes.
- All right. Okay.

1118
01:10:15,778 --> 01:10:19,315
- You guys are awesome.
- Little cute boy.

1119
01:10:26,822 --> 01:10:31,225
Oh, my God. This is, like,
the Millennium Falcon of buses.

1120
01:10:34,597 --> 01:10:36,497
- What's up, guys? Come on in.
- Hey.

1121
01:10:38,834 --> 01:10:42,361
Hi. This is my boyfriend, Dirty.

1122
01:10:42,438 --> 01:10:43,564
- Dirty.
- What's up? Pleasure to meet you.

1123
01:10:43,639 --> 01:10:44,697
Hey, Dirty.

1124
01:10:45,207 --> 01:10:47,937
Heard about your shitty situation
with your girl. Sucks.

1125
01:10:48,010 --> 01:10:49,375
Thanks, man.

1126
01:10:49,678 --> 01:10:54,172
I wrote you something. I want to play it
for you. You know, give a listen.

1127
01:10:56,018 --> 01:10:57,280
Oh, Matty

1128
01:10:59,221 --> 01:11:01,246
Got fucked over by Nicole

1129
01:11:03,892 --> 01:11:06,053
Oh, Matty

1130
01:11:06,128 --> 01:11:08,494
Got fucked over by Nicole

1131
01:11:12,034 --> 01:11:14,867
You like it? Yeah?
Work in progress, though.

1132
01:11:14,937 --> 01:11:16,336
- I appreciate the song.
- Yeah.

1133
01:11:16,405 --> 01:11:19,374
- Thank you.
- I like the chord progressions.

1134
01:11:19,441 --> 01:11:23,172
Do you guys want to know
how romantic Daniel is?

1135
01:11:23,245 --> 01:11:27,875
He sent me flowers all across the country
just to win me over.

1136
01:11:27,950 --> 01:11:30,680
And this is before we banged,
just to let you know.

1137
01:11:30,753 --> 01:11:34,655
This is how men get women.
They're very romantic.

1138
01:11:34,723 --> 01:11:36,748
That's right, be good to your girls.

1139
01:11:37,726 --> 01:11:42,493
You know, when Zack first came to me
and told me what happened

1140
01:11:42,564 --> 01:11:44,555
and everything that you went through,

1141
01:11:44,633 --> 01:11:47,363
I thought that, you know,
maybe we could do this,

1142
01:11:47,436 --> 01:11:52,703
but Daniel and I talked it over,
and I can't do this. I'm sorry.

1143
01:11:55,010 --> 01:11:57,501
- You're really sweet, but...
- It's just not right, dude.

1144
01:11:57,579 --> 01:12:00,207
- Are you kidding?
- Why? Is it...

1145
01:12:00,282 --> 01:12:02,443
When you have sex with somebody
for the first time,

1146
01:12:02,518 --> 01:12:04,952
it should be with somebody special

1147
01:12:05,020 --> 01:12:07,818
and someone that you care about,
maybe in love with.

1148
01:12:07,890 --> 01:12:09,915
- I love you.
- Oh, boy.

1149
01:12:09,992 --> 01:12:11,584
You don't love me. You don't know me.

1150
01:12:11,660 --> 01:12:15,960
I do. I've read all of your interviews,
I've seen all of your movies.

1151
01:12:16,031 --> 01:12:19,023
You're smart and funny.

1152
01:12:19,101 --> 01:12:24,562
Making love to you tonight
would be a memory I could cherish.

1153
01:12:24,807 --> 01:12:26,069
Kid, you're embarrassing yourself.

1154
01:12:26,141 --> 01:12:32,080
Sunny, Matt has been through so much shit.
I mean, terrible, terrible shit.

1155
01:12:33,682 --> 01:12:37,118
You have to help him fuck away the tears.

1156
01:12:37,186 --> 01:12:39,484
Zack, that's... Not appropriate.

1157
01:12:39,555 --> 01:12:40,852
"Fuck away the tears"?

1158
01:12:40,923 --> 01:12:45,553
No matter how much you have sex,
you can never fuck away the tears.

1159
01:12:45,627 --> 01:12:47,595
Trust me, I know.

1160
01:12:49,898 --> 01:12:52,059
You're a really sweet kid,

1161
01:12:52,134 --> 01:12:55,262
but you shouldn't
lose your virginity like this.

1162
01:12:57,106 --> 01:12:58,300
If I...

1163
01:12:59,308 --> 01:13:04,143
If I can't do this, do that,
you know, with you,

1164
01:13:04,213 --> 01:13:09,879
could I just spend, like, five minutes with
you alone? Just... Only just five minutes.

1165
01:13:10,519 --> 01:13:13,147
- We're not gonna have sex.
- Right.

1166
01:13:13,222 --> 01:13:15,383
- We're just gonna talk.
- Yes, I got that.

1167
01:13:15,457 --> 01:13:16,515
- Okay.
- Okay.

1168
01:13:26,335 --> 01:13:28,895
You all right in there, baby?
It's been five minutes.

1169
01:13:28,971 --> 01:13:30,836
Okay. Everything's fine.

1170
01:13:32,040 --> 01:13:35,305
- What did they say?
- They're good.

1171
01:13:38,580 --> 01:13:41,447
- Can you move over, man?
- Yeah. Sure.

1172
01:13:41,650 --> 01:13:46,986
I saw this shit on ESPN2, where, like,
these little Asian kids stack cups.

1173
01:13:49,358 --> 01:13:53,055
It's like...
They do, like, like, crazy-ass shit.

1174
01:13:54,563 --> 01:13:55,860
- Thanks again.
- All right.

1175
01:13:55,931 --> 01:13:58,957
Hey, what happened? What happened?

1176
01:13:59,034 --> 01:14:00,524
- Sorry, excuse me.
- What the fuck?

1177
01:14:00,602 --> 01:14:01,660
Thank you very much, sir.

1178
01:14:01,737 --> 01:14:02,863
- Yeah, no problem.
- I really appreciate it.

1179
01:14:02,938 --> 01:14:05,634
All right, guys, let's get out of here.
Come on, let's go.

1180
01:14:05,707 --> 01:14:07,368
- Okay. Fine. Whatever.
- All right, guys.

1181
01:14:07,443 --> 01:14:09,343
- Good luck to you.
- Thanks again, everybody.

1182
01:14:09,411 --> 01:14:12,574
Matt? Dude? What happened? Matt.

1183
01:14:12,648 --> 01:14:15,640
After I talk with Nicole, I promise,
everything will be...

1184
01:14:15,717 --> 01:14:17,582
What? What does Nicole
have to do about that?

1185
01:14:19,988 --> 01:14:21,250
- Matt?
- Yeah.

1186
01:14:21,323 --> 01:14:24,690
Did you have sex with Sunny Leone?

1187
01:14:24,760 --> 01:14:28,355
All right. I sucked her tits.

1188
01:14:28,630 --> 01:14:31,428
$2,500, and all you did was suck her tits?

1189
01:14:31,500 --> 01:14:33,400
Can we just please stay focused
on finding Nicole?

1190
01:14:34,236 --> 01:14:36,033
Be aggressive.

1191
01:14:45,314 --> 01:14:47,111
What did he say, dude?

1192
01:14:47,182 --> 01:14:49,707
He said he was going to take my glasses
and shove them up my rectum.

1193
01:14:49,785 --> 01:14:51,514
Yeah, I don't feel like
getting molested today.

1194
01:14:51,587 --> 01:14:55,751
- Let's get the fuck out of here.
- Where you going? What are you doing?

1195
01:14:55,824 --> 01:14:57,416
- Hey, man...
- Hey, what are you doing?

1196
01:14:57,493 --> 01:14:59,222
Go, go, go, go, go.

1197
01:15:14,243 --> 01:15:15,835
Yeah, yeah.
That's what I thought. All right.

1198
01:15:16,879 --> 01:15:18,676
Put that there.

1199
01:15:20,549 --> 01:15:21,607
Fuck!

1200
01:16:04,393 --> 01:16:06,020
Where is she?

1201
01:16:06,094 --> 01:16:10,428
Her keys aren't even here. What the fuck,
dude? Did you even call her or...

1202
01:16:10,499 --> 01:16:13,024
Well, I wanted to talk to her in person.
I said...

1203
01:16:13,101 --> 01:16:14,568
- Yeah, but you...
- I... I couldn't...

1204
01:16:14,636 --> 01:16:16,035
You never assume someone's at their house.

1205
01:16:17,139 --> 01:16:19,369
Maybe she's in your room.

1206
01:16:21,743 --> 01:16:26,009
- Holy shit! Fuck! Fuck!
- Oh, God. Oh, God.

1207
01:16:27,716 --> 01:16:30,344
- I don't...
- Open this door now!

1208
01:16:33,622 --> 01:16:35,385
I'm gonna call the police!

1209
01:16:35,457 --> 01:16:38,358
- Hang on! I got it. I got it.
- That was my finger!

1210
01:16:39,895 --> 01:16:41,726
- Open the door!
- We gotta get the fuck out of here.

1211
01:16:44,833 --> 01:16:46,300
- Fuck you, Justin.
- Out the window?

1212
01:16:46,368 --> 01:16:47,835
- Will you be okay?
- Yeah, whatever.

1213
01:17:02,551 --> 01:17:03,916
Okay. Okay.

1214
01:17:12,127 --> 01:17:15,187
- Guys, run!
- Look out! There's a puppy.

1215
01:17:18,734 --> 01:17:20,065
Dude! Run, now!

1216
01:17:20,135 --> 01:17:21,937
- We gotta go?
- Yeah!

1217
01:17:22,170 --> 01:17:23,694
Holy shit.

1218
01:17:23,772 --> 01:17:27,333
Hey, all of you, shut up. Hey, cheese. What?

1219
01:17:28,510 --> 01:17:33,106
Where is it? Okay, bye.
She's going to a party.

1220
01:17:33,882 --> 01:17:37,318
Wait. What kind of a party?

1221
01:17:50,265 --> 01:17:53,393
Anybody seen a girl named Nicole?

1222
01:18:08,984 --> 01:18:10,815
Harry! Harry!

1223
01:18:11,420 --> 01:18:13,581
Hey, it's Zack.

1224
01:18:13,655 --> 01:18:17,455
You remember my brother Matt?

1225
01:18:17,526 --> 01:18:20,359
You sucked my brother's girlfriend's tits?

1226
01:18:22,397 --> 01:18:23,830
They're not letting us into the party.

1227
01:18:23,899 --> 01:18:26,766
- You must be Matt. Is that right?
- Yeah.

1228
01:18:26,835 --> 01:18:28,496
Yeah? What's up, buddy? Nice to meet you.

1229
01:18:29,671 --> 01:18:31,400
- Matt.
- Yeah.

1230
01:18:33,341 --> 01:18:34,467
Hey, it's Jacob.

1231
01:18:34,543 --> 01:18:38,604
These four are good. One, two, three, four.
No, no, no, no?

1232
01:18:39,481 --> 01:18:41,381
We have orders to not let any guys in.

1233
01:18:41,483 --> 01:18:45,283
All you guys, we're going in this way.
We're going down there. Let's go.

1234
01:18:45,353 --> 01:18:46,980
Follow my voice.

1235
01:18:48,824 --> 01:18:49,984
Hello.

1236
01:18:50,592 --> 01:18:51,650
Awesome.

1237
01:19:05,140 --> 01:19:06,129
Hey, Nicole?

1238
01:19:08,110 --> 01:19:09,941
Oh, my God! I'm sorry.

1239
01:19:10,011 --> 01:19:12,343
What kind of fucking frat house
do you run here?

1240
01:19:13,582 --> 01:19:15,880
- Is that her right there?
- Where?

1241
01:19:15,951 --> 01:19:18,852
Right there, in the green.

1242
01:19:18,920 --> 01:19:21,445
- The green talking to the guy in the white?
- It's not her.

1243
01:19:21,523 --> 01:19:22,956
Nicole!

1244
01:19:26,027 --> 01:19:27,517
- Matt!
- Nicole.

1245
01:19:32,134 --> 01:19:34,125
What are you doing here?

1246
01:19:34,202 --> 01:19:37,330
I just went on a date with
Sunny Leone last night.

1247
01:19:38,607 --> 01:19:40,438
Congratulations?

1248
01:19:40,976 --> 01:19:43,774
- Did you fuck her?
- No, I didn't.

1249
01:19:43,845 --> 01:19:44,869
Okay.

1250
01:19:49,584 --> 01:19:52,610
All I did with her was suck her tits.

1251
01:19:52,888 --> 01:19:54,788
I don't care, Matt.

1252
01:19:54,856 --> 01:19:56,448
Don't you see?

1253
01:19:56,525 --> 01:19:59,517
I don't care about you and Harry anymore,

1254
01:19:59,594 --> 01:20:03,587
'cause I had my own, you know, event.

1255
01:20:04,466 --> 01:20:06,195
Now we both fucked up,

1256
01:20:06,268 --> 01:20:08,327
but we all fuck up sometimes.

1257
01:20:08,470 --> 01:20:11,906
That's really funny because that's what
I said to you way in the beginning.

1258
01:20:12,140 --> 01:20:15,576
Well, I hadn't fucked up then.
Now we both fucked up.

1259
01:20:15,944 --> 01:20:17,002
Tit for tit...

1260
01:20:17,078 --> 01:20:18,477
Tit for tat.

1261
01:20:18,647 --> 01:20:21,707
You didn't expect me to come back,
but I did.

1262
01:20:23,919 --> 01:20:27,218
I don't know. I just thought
it was a really brilliant plan.

1263
01:20:27,522 --> 01:20:29,490
And it was.

1264
01:20:29,558 --> 01:20:31,287
I mean, you know...

1265
01:20:33,328 --> 01:20:35,762
We were the wonder couple.

1266
01:20:35,831 --> 01:20:37,731
We were going to be like...

1267
01:20:37,799 --> 01:20:40,029
Fantastic Four minus two.

1268
01:20:40,335 --> 01:20:42,496
Fantastic Two.

1269
01:20:45,106 --> 01:20:48,166
I just want to get back together with you.

1270
01:21:17,672 --> 01:21:22,041
Matt, I know I said I wouldn't film,
but you're gonna thank me later,

1271
01:21:22,110 --> 01:21:23,634
'cause your dick looks huge.

1272
01:21:29,584 --> 01:21:31,313
- Hi.
- You all right?

1273
01:21:34,022 --> 01:21:35,853
Where are we parked?

1274
01:21:35,924 --> 01:21:38,119
Matthew!

1275
01:21:38,193 --> 01:21:42,926
Put it to your lips. On your lips.
Just inhale. Take a deep breath and rip it.

1276
01:21:45,133 --> 01:21:47,158
Hold it. Hold it. Release.

1277
01:21:49,638 --> 01:21:50,969
Welcome to the club, man.

1278
01:21:51,039 --> 01:21:52,768
- Virginity...
- I thank you, sirs.

1279
01:21:52,841 --> 01:21:54,069
- Completed.
- Virginity lost.

1280
01:21:54,142 --> 01:21:57,009
- I...
- Virginity depleted.

1281
01:21:57,078 --> 01:21:58,568
- I feel...
- Virginity...

1282
01:21:58,647 --> 01:22:00,979
- Virginity done, son.
- Give us the details.

1283
01:22:01,049 --> 01:22:02,949
Yeah. So, what was it like?

1284
01:22:03,018 --> 01:22:06,146
These are the rules, you know.
What are the details? Come on.

1285
01:22:06,221 --> 01:22:11,989
Hey, respect his privacy. He just got laid.
Give him some minutes.

1286
01:22:12,060 --> 01:22:13,186
Thank you.

1287
01:22:13,261 --> 01:22:15,889
You just need to promise me
you'll tell me one thing.

1288
01:22:15,964 --> 01:22:19,798
- Just one thing, that's all I want to know.
- I'll try. I will.

1289
01:22:19,868 --> 01:22:22,860
Does she squirt?

1290
01:22:22,938 --> 01:22:24,608
Did she have a geyser?

1291
01:22:24,609 --> 01:22:28,309
- 'Cause she totally looks like...
- Her vagina was like Old Yeller.

1292
01:22:28,376 --> 01:22:32,437
No, not Old Yeller. Old Yeller's a dog.
Yellow, you're thinking of...

1293
01:22:32,514 --> 01:22:34,106
- Yellowstone Park.
- Yeah.

1294
01:22:34,182 --> 01:22:36,275
- Old Geyser.
- No, not...

1295
01:22:36,351 --> 01:22:39,514
- Old Yeller. Old Yeller was the dog.
- Old Yeller is the dog.

1296
01:22:39,587 --> 01:22:41,282
What's the name of the geyser?

1297
01:22:41,356 --> 01:22:43,119
- Old Geyser.
- No.

1298
01:22:43,825 --> 01:22:46,350
- Old face...
- Face/Off!

1299
01:22:47,963 --> 01:22:49,453
Jacob, close it out!

1300
01:22:49,531 --> 01:22:50,623
Good man.

1301
01:22:50,699 --> 01:22:54,066
Here's, here's a better question.
Did Matt pull out?

1302
01:22:54,135 --> 01:22:55,261
- No.
- Hell no.

1303
01:22:55,337 --> 01:22:57,669
- Nicole.
- Nicole's not here. Nicole!

1304
01:22:57,739 --> 01:22:58,967
You didn't really bring Nicole.

1305
01:22:59,040 --> 01:23:01,065
- Guest of the hour.
- That is so sweet.

1306
01:23:01,176 --> 01:23:02,768
Can Nicole take her first hit, too?

1307
01:23:02,844 --> 01:23:04,505
- Nicole, will you take your first hit?
- Should I do this?

1308
01:23:04,579 --> 01:23:06,240
- Yeah, come on.
- Make love to you.

1309
01:23:06,314 --> 01:23:11,809
First time fuckers. Big rip.
Big rip. Big rip. Pull out.

1310
01:23:12,320 --> 01:23:13,378
Get in there.

1311
01:23:13,455 --> 01:23:16,947
All right. You got it? Lock lips.
Like, air tight.

1312
01:23:17,192 --> 01:23:20,684
It's all about the air tightness.
Right here.

1313
01:23:20,762 --> 01:23:23,322
Yeah!

1314
01:23:23,398 --> 01:23:24,763
We did it!

1315
01:23:24,833 --> 01:23:28,860
If I had to impart any of my wisdom
from this experience,

1316
01:23:28,937 --> 01:23:31,064
I just want to say,
"Do it with somebody that you love".

1317
01:23:31,940 --> 01:23:36,434
But when you do it,
do it hard and do it long. And fast.

1318
01:24:35,603 --> 01:24:37,195
Come on, get him!

1319
01:24:44,879 --> 01:24:49,145
My favorite thing
that I ever saw on the Internet,

1320
01:24:49,217 --> 01:24:53,984
on the YouTube,
was a horse getting hit by a train.

1321
01:24:54,222 --> 01:24:57,714
- What?
- Wow! You saw that?

1322
01:24:57,792 --> 01:25:01,728
Yeah. It was almost as good
as chimp-frogging,

1323
01:25:01,796 --> 01:25:07,666
where the monkey
was being given head by the frog.

1324
01:29:14,082 --> 01:29:15,344
Oh, Matty

1325
01:29:17,318 --> 01:29:19,445
Got fucked over by Nicole

1326
01:29:21,956 --> 01:29:23,218
Oh, Matty

1327
01:29:25,159 --> 01:29:27,650
I thought I'd give you Sunny's hole

1328
01:29:29,297 --> 01:29:31,288
Oh, Matty

1329
01:29:32,367 --> 01:29:34,801
You know, I'm still writing it,
but you get the point.

1330
01:29:34,869 --> 01:29:36,302
- Dirty, that was beautiful.
- So that's a verse?

1331
01:29:36,371 --> 01:29:37,599
That was so romantic.