Come on.
Central Security Agency.
This is Wallace.
Operation Big Drip is cresting Level Two.
I need Devlin. I need him now.
Hold, please.
No, no, don't put me on hold!
Mother...
Hello, Agent Wallace.
I need your nine-digit security code, please.
Hello? Agent Wallace?
Agent Wallace?
Agua la vista... baby.
Hello, my name's Jimmy Tong
and I was wondering if there's anything I could say
that would convince you to have lunch with me.
Oh, Jimmy, you're so cute.
Let's go back to your apartment
and make like... donkey.
You got me nervous again.
It's just a salesgirl.
To you... but to me...
I dream of her
before I ever saw her.
No, that there! That!
That is the line.
Go tell her that. That line.
Listen.
Hi.
My name is Jimmy Tong.
When I see you, I have a wet dream.
Is that what I say?
No, no, you know...
Just ask her out to lunch now
and later, we work out that line.
But hurry up, man. We be wasting time, man.
Come on. We have to drive.
And whatever you do, do not be yourself.
Just joking.
Thank you so much.
You're welcome. Goodbye.
I can do it.
Hi. My name's Jimmy Tong.
Okay...
Hi.
Pretty colors.
Will you excuse me for just one moment?
Okay.
Just between us guys...
you don't come around here for the art, do you?
Who would?
Yeah.
Uh... let me, as owner of this gallery
give you a little bit of friendly advice.
Don't waste any time.
You go over there and you ask Jennifer out.
You think so?
Yes. That way, she can say no
and we can get on with our little lives.
Thank you for your advice.
Yeah.
Hello. My name Jimmy Tong.
What can I say to convince you to have lunch with me?
I'm sorry. Are you hurt?
I'm terr... I didn't...
Come here, you little runt.
Hi. Hello.
Get back here! Come here!
Where'd you go?
Where are you?
Sauer... sauerkraut or sauercrop?
Sauerkraut?
Hey... hey, hey!
Hey! I just washed that car.
What the hell wrong with you, boy?
Want I jam this in your ass and break it?
You want a go? Come down here.
Whoa, whoa, wait, oh. Not too fast.
Hey, I just want to talk.
Eh, eh, you do that there, man. You do that.
Oh, you're scared now.
Just... just go and get yourself
some training wheels!
Go get a tattoo of a chicken!
Go!
I thought all your people know karate.
Not everybody Chinese is Bruce Lee.
Just calm yourself, eh, Jimmy, calm yourself.
Just not my day.
Do you think you can get me to 70 Fleming Street?
Of course. Wait a second.
You Jimmy Tong?
That's who I am.
Who are you?
The name is Steena.
So, how come you drive so fast?
More fares.
Is that why you had your license
suspended nine times for speeding?
But no accidents.
Do you remember where I'm going?
70 Fleming.
Get me there before I finish putting on my makeup
and I'll, uh, double the meter.
You serious?
Do I look like I have a sense of humor?
Okay.
Hurry, open the gate!
Hey, Jimmy... ho, ho, ho, ho!
LAZY ASS! OPEN THE GATES!
I'M ON MY COFFEE BREAK. SHUT UP, OLD MAN!
IT'S JIMMY, YOU FOOL!
DON'T RUN OVER THE CHICKENS!
You drive too fast!
♪ Oh, I got mad skills, I will get wild
♪ I got mad skills, I will get wild
♪ I will get wild, I will get wild
♪ I got mad skills, I will get wild
♪ I will get wild, I will get wild...
Yeah, I got mascara and eyeliner left.
You got five blocks.
Don't tell me you're slowing down.
You know, you drive like an old woman.
You're not scared, are you?
♪ I got mad skills, I will get wild
♪ I will get wild, I will get wild.
Hey, you! What do you think you're doing?
Back off, buddy.
She's mine.
Oh, it's you, miss.
Well, you lived up to your reputation.
The job is yours.
I have a job. A good one.
Oh, yeah? How much do you make at this "good job"?
$475 a week, plus tips.
So how would you like to make $2,000 a week
plus room and board?
When do I show up?
Tomorrow morning, 7:00 a.m.
You'll be driving Clark Devlin, Mr. Tong.
Good day, miss.
Now, you! Out of here!
Good morning, Mr. Tong.
You put your face on without me, huh?
Please have a seat.
Those are the house rules.
Memorize them.
Especially number one.
Never talk directly to Mr. Devlin.
If you have any questions
you'll find all the answers in there.
And, if I were you, I'd get rid of the mildew on the chin.
My soul patch?
Uh, yeah.
You like working for this Devlin guy?
I don't work for him.
I'm not a professional driver, but I'd always believed
that thing you're staring into is designed
for the monitoring of traffic, not passengers.
Am I wrong?
While I'm really enjoying our time together
shall we try moving?
Wallace has been my partner for years.
Something's happened to him.
He wouldn't just disappear.
Now, you get your job done
and find my partner.
So tell me how.
You're the head of an intelligence agency.
Why don't you be intelligent?
I don't understand what you're talking about.
Well, why don't you call me back
when you do understand what I'm talking about.
Did we just take the Balsam Road exit?
Of course.
You have to take the surface street.
Sorry.
Did you get a copy of the rules?
Did you read them?
Jimmy, let me tell you something, my friend...
I hate the rules.
Take Grant Boulevard all the way.
The lights are timed.
Thank you.
And, Jimmy...
crank the music up.
Yes, sir.
Deputy Director Chalmers, ladies, gentlemen,
I present to you Special Agent Wallace.
Deceased two days, 14 hours, five minutes... approximately.
Pretty interesting.
Now, why don't you, uh, tell me a little about him?
Well, in simplest terms, he drowned in his bathtub.
Contusion here suggests he hit his head,
fell prone, unconscious.
The man infiltrated a Serbian death squad
with not even a scratch.
He goes down in a bathtub?
Life's a bitch.
You want to put him back in the fridge?
He didn't drown, sir.
He was murdered.
Does that make life a little less bitchy?
And... and you would be?
That's Del Blaine, sir.
She's having a filter installed
between her brain and mouth next week.
So you don't think he drowned?
Well, sir, there was water in his lungs
but the pulmonary vein
was filled with collapsed platelets
indicative of dehydration.
He died of thirst.
Thirst.
And it wasn't just city tap water.
The mineral profile fit a high-end bottled water
but what was really weird is that
it contained a strain of bacteria that I, so far
haven't been able to culture.
Anyway, uh... didn't mean to interrupt.
Ooh, the woman seems to know a lot about water.
Yeah. She thinks she knows a lot about a lot of things.
You know, we have a special situation in the field.
I think we could use your talents.
You interested?
When do I start?
You ever hear of Clark Devlin?
Rumors and innuendo.
Del, I could tell you a thing or two
about Clark Devlin.
Uh, you think we could keep our minds
out of the gutter for about a second?
Meet me upstairs in an hour.
You might just become
Clark Devlin's next partner.
I'm going to need
that Gerris marginalis as soon as possible.
Yes. My contacts in Guatemala
have what you're looking for, I'm sure.
Good.
And, meanwhile...
I'll take one of these beautiful Uticella marginalis.
Just gorgeous.
Now, you're going to call me?
Is your phone number on file?
I'm having a bit of trouble
with the phones at the moment. It might be better
if you dropped it off yourself.
It may take a while.
Well, why don't you
familiarize yourself with the route?
There's a little gathering at my house tonight...
a fund-raiser for the Natural History Museum.
I would so love to have you.
Should I send a car?
I drive myself.
Admirable.
Eight o'clock.
And, uh, be sure not to wear anything
too distracting, or no one will get their checkbooks out.
How did you learn to be so smooth?
I've seen the way you drive.
You have the same instincts I do.
You lack confidence.
The girl in the art gallery's not beyond you, you know.
You know about her?
Every time we leave the house
we go by the art gallery and slow down.
You just need a little polish.
I'll never be a Clark Devlin.
Don't tell anyone this, Jimmy, but there's a lot less
to Clark Devlin than meets the eye.
I've got a couple of good lines
and a couple of very expensive suits.
Apart from that, we're exactly the same.
How about a couple hundred million?
Trust me... 90% of it is clothes.
The other ten percent?
The other ten percent's in there.
You've got plenty of it.
Oh, Mr. Devlin, can I ask you a big favor?
Yeah?
Can I stop wearing my hat?
All right.
Thank you.
No, just stay smooth. Remember... smooth.
Thank you.
Steena, Devlin.
This driver, this Jimmy, I like him.
Let's get him a proper suit.
Something sexy. You pick it out.
All right.
Always a delight talking to you too, darling.
Home, James.
Absolutely, Mr. Devlin.
Watch your step.
Thank you, sir.
This definitely not a rental.
Hello.
My name's Clark Devlin.
Would you like to dance?
Admirable.
There is just one rule.
Never touch my tuxedo.
I didn't.
Good.
Don't.
Yes, sir.
Jimmy.
Get the car.
Let's go for dinner.
Yes, sir.
What'll you have? It's my treat.
Anything.
All right.
Two Whoppers, hold the onion, extra ketchup.
Toast the bottom bun only, medium well-done.
Two large fries, extra well-done.
Two chocolate milkshakes, however the chef likes.
That's it.
Your order's ready. Pull forward.
That's pretty quick.
It's fast food. Anything else?
Yeah.
I'll have a personal pizza, crispy crust.
He doesn't eat out much.
They don't serve pizza at Burger...
New item, huh?
Do you have chicken chow mein?
Thank you.
- Jimmy? - Yes?
It's a drive-through. Let's drive.
Watch out!
Watch it, man!
Sorry, pal.
Let's go.
Why are we running away
from a skateboard?
I think it's probably a bomb.
I thought you said a bomb.
What do you mean, a bomb?
No good. Out!
Mr. Dev...
Move!
Jimmy, you okay?
I'm fine.
You okay, boss?
Yeah.
Yeah, all in a day's work, eh?
Look.
Oh, damn.
Mr. Devlin.
You got any aspirin?
Who did this to you?
Water stri...
Walter Strider... he's the one?
Wat... er... stri...
Walter... Walter Strider.
No... no police.
Okay. Uh...
I need an ambulance right now.
His name is...
Trust nobody.
Uh... his name is...
Brad Dillford.
Wear it.
Wear...
Boss! Boss!
Hold on, boss. You'll be fine.
Give me the clipboard.
I'll take care of you.
Wa...
stri...
Sir!
Please wait in the waiting room.
Okay.
I will find Walter Strider.
Hey! Hey!
I'm sorry.
I promise.
What do you want
my mother's maiden name for?
Last time she was in here, I was born.
I'm sure my dad had something to do with it
at least I hope so.
Dr. Angela.
Where is Dr. Angelo?
Dr. Angelo.
Are you Dr. Angela?
Dr. Angela.
Dr. Ang... ela.
Hey!
There's no smoking in a hospital.
I was nervous. How is he?
He might be here a while.
You might want to get him
some things from home in case he comes to.
He had this clutched in his hand.
I don't know if it means anything.
Orderly with wheels
to the front desk.
I do need Dr. Angelo.
Dr. Angelo.
Dr. Angelo is on holiday today.
- Oh, my God. - Yeah.
I'll tell you, I'm pretty excited.
I mean, nervous, but I'm excited.
I'm pumped, you know.
I knew I was doing good work for Banning International
but I didn't know Mr. Banning
would be taking so much notice of me so soon.
I'll say this, though, when I'm CEO of this place
I won't be having my headquarters
in the bottom of a boat, you know what I mean?
Why did you choose Mr. Lundeen?
He questioned my growth projections.
No, that's not it.
I don't like his hair.
Mr. Banning.
So, word filtered down to me
that you don't share my optimism about our company's future.
Oh, no.
Actually, I just...
Drink?
Oh, yes, thank you.
I just felt that to meet
your projections, pretty much every person on Earth
would have to drink only Banning Springs water.
Yes, indeed.
Water, Mr. Lundeen, comprises 60% of your body.
Don't you find it incredible
that two hydrogen atoms and an oxygen atom can combine
to create something so beautiful
so useful, so essential?
I find water to be
miraculous.
Do you think I'm silly?
Not at all.
Feeling thirsty?
Yes.
You're helping me out by being a guinea pig
for a new product.
Oh, I see.
What a brilliant idea.
Water that makes you thirsty.
What's in it?
Salt?
There's no profundity in salt.
Bacteria.
Once ingested
its DNA will instruct your cells' cytoplasm
to spill electrolytes into your bloodstream
causing dehydration.
It's virulent
but, unfortunately, it's too fast.
Way too fast.
As we speak, your internal organs are shriveling.
You're becoming as dry as...
Well, as dry as your limited imagination.
Gentlemen, fetch the vacuum, won't you?
Thank you.
Schiffer, Schwartzkopf, Sondheim, Springsteen...
No Strider.
Welcome to the Tactical Uniform Experiment.
Tuxedo recognizing new user.
Mapping user's neurological structure.
Activate wristwatch for desired function.
Demo...
Okay, show me.
Caution... demolition mode.
The Tuxedo will consider
any object a target and act to destroy it.
Oh, what's happening?
Exit the demolition mode immediately.
♪ Burn, baby, burn
♪ Disco inferno
♪ Burn, baby, burn
♪ Burn the mother down
♪ Burn, baby, burn...
Mr. Devlin, is everything all right?
This is Jimmy.
I think Mr. Devlin wants you to clean his room tomorrow.
It's a little bit messy.
I think he threw the party.
Should I send someone up now?
No. Maybe after he leaves.
Very good.
Hello?
Are we on?
Are we on what?
I take my work seriously, Mr. Devlin, so please
stop using that ridiculous accent.
What?
What accent?
All right.
You're the senior officer.
I'll play it however you want.
Deitrich Banning is holding a meeting with water CEOs.
The Agency wants us to find out what he's planning.
Wh... What about Walter Strider?
Who is he?
I don't know. You tell me.
Okay.
So, we will meet tomorrow. V-15, 10:00.
I'll be wearing a gray suit.
Your code is "nice rack".
I'll respond
"I forgot my bra".
That passes
for humor around here.
10:00, V-15.
What's the cross street?
Very funny.
May I join you?
Uh, yeah.
Nice rack.
Hello.
Mr. Devlin, there's been a change of plans.
But I'm here already. Where are you?
Don't get all pissy about it.
They just told me, so I'm telling you.
We'll meet tonight
8:00, Pier 17, base of the silo and...
forget the password.
Oh, now you tell me.
Oh, hey, there he is. Oh, my God, that's him.
I got to go.
Guy in the raincoat. Get him!
I see you tonight. Sorry.
Stop!
Get back here, you creep!
So, we've got five minutes to get into position.
I secured the rooftop.
The equipment's good to go
and I just have to say
it is such an honor to be working with the legendary...
Clark Devlin?
I'm Del Blaine.
Have we met before?
No.
Good.
Okay, Del Blaine, let's do what we've come here to do.
I'll follow you.
Ladies first.
Okay.
A couple of details changed from what was in the file.
You read it?
The files are crap.
Give me the short version.
Deitrich Banning's holding a meeting
of international water company CEOs.
We think he's trying to force them
into selling their companies to him.
Where are you going?
I'm thinking.
We had Agent Wallace working undercover
at his bottled water factory.
That is, until last week.
Wallace calls us on his cell phone
to tell us that the operation had reached critical mass
and, suddenly, wham! Dead.
As you requested, a Klineholtz bolt-action nine-millimeter
titanium folding stock with 20-time infrared sniper-scope
and counterweighted micro-rifled barrel.
My favorite gun.
But I don't kill people anymore.
Killing?
You're planting a bug.
It was all in that "crap" file.
Go look through your binoculars.
They're arriving.
Ready?
It's critical we get a listening device
in Banning's meeting.
Range... 962 feet.
Aim for the briefcase.
Should be a piece of cake for you, sir.
You kind of missed.
In the year 2001
$35 billion worth of bottled water was consumed worldwide.
Today, bottled water costs more per gallon than gasoline.
We, my friends, are the new oil barons.
We at Banning Springs
have developed a new filtration process
that would protect your assets
against the biological holocaust that's coming.
Looks like we got company.
CSA would be my bet.
You've heard what I have to say.
Now I'd like to hear you.
How much is this plan going to cost us?
It won't cost you a penny, out of pocket.
All I ask is to become
your slightly-more- than-equal partner.
Banning says he's got the only process
to make their water safe.
But to use it, they've got to give him
half of their companies?
He's trying to muscle these guys
into selling their companies to him.
Banning says that their water sources are in danger.
Something about everyone being defenseless
against more deadly forms of bacteria.
I can barely make out what he's saying.
Do you want to listen to this?
What do you think that means, sir?
Del Blaine!
Yeah, I'll be there in a minute.
Yeah, I'd really like some help up here, sir.
Del Blaine!
Do you hear me, sir?
I know this is not near as exciting
as most of your missions, but could you humor me
with just a little professionalism?
I would really love some help...
What are you doing?
What's with the jumpy-jumpy?
Take off your headphones!
- What? - Your headphones!
Okay, Chapter Six of the training manual.
Unarmed assailant frontal attack.
Begin!
Stomach, head! Stomach, head!
God!
What's my name?!
Yeah!
You okay?
Where the hell have you been?!
Stop pushing!
Aah, my hand!
Yeah! Not bad.
Sir?!
Sir, are you okay, sir?
Don't let go! Don't!
No, no, no, let go!
You're... you're... you're ripping...
my sl... sleeve! You... you...
No, no. No, not, not my...
Sir!
My ring.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my... oh!
This was not... part of the plan.
Del Blaine?
Del...
Confidence.
Del...
Nice of you, moron.
Not in the manual.
Creep!
Del Blaine! Stop!
Get off of me!
Why didn't you stop?
God, what the hell is wrong with you?!
How do you... fall off a building
and end up... uh...
You okay?
Would you stop that?
It's okay.
I am in the car with a psychopath.
We are not safe.
Are you upset?
Why would I be upset?
I've always wanted to begin and end my career
with a big fat failure!
Thank you very much, Mr. Devlin.
It's my first time.
I mean... every mission is like my first time.
It's so difficult being Clark Devlin.
Sorry.
I didn't do that.
What...
is wrong with you?!
I'm not who you think I am.
Stay away!
I'm a little over-amped myself right now.
Let's just call it a day.
Get some rest and medication.
What?
We'll be in communication.
I don't have your phone number!
Who am I kidding?
I have no idea what I'm doing
or why I'm doing it.
I felt the same way
when I took my first field assignment.
Then I met Clark Devlin
and life just got a whole lot better...
and a little more complicated.
Let's, uh, can we get a close... can we...?
How do we pan down...
Yeah. Just hit the second button there.
Everybody warned me, he was unorthodox
but he's way irrational, bordering on nutso.
We'll just get, uh... That's it.
There, yeah. That's it, there.
Look at that.
Move it over, over just a bit.
He's getting under your skin, isn't he?
He got under my skin once
and I'm still feeling it.
Yeah, you told me.
What about his English?
Oh, I can never understand half of what he says
but don't you just love his accent?
She can't hear anything from here...?
No, I don't think... Whoa!
God, I wish I was still back in the field.
How do you like me now?
She's got issues, man.
Holy...
Can your, uh, can your
girlfriend shoot, uh...
A groin out of a target?
Let's go.
Let's get our nails done.
Okay.
Have a nice day, boys.
Dr. Angelo, Dr. Angelo...
They ran out of "get well soon".
You said to wear this, but I don't know.
Being Clark Devlin is not easy.
Hello.
So, Mr. Devlin,
how are you feeling today?
Not so good, I'm afraid.
Well, you've got a few hours
to pull yourself together.
What do you mean?
After the fiasco of planting the bug
I'd say we have only one choice.
Level One surveillance.
In other words...
Infiltration.
Banning's going to be at the Lanford Hotel tonight
entertaining three of his new partners.
Chalmers has agreed to get us at the next table.
Is this a black-tie event?
No. But I'm sure you'll wear whatever you want.
Maybe we can find Walter Strider.
Meet you there at 8:00.
Water... strider...
What?
Water...
Mr. Clark Devlin.
Stri... der...
What are you doing?
Uh, he needs help.
Security! Security!
♪ At last
♪ My love has come along
♪ My lonely days are over...
Del Blaine.
Hey.
I know how partial you are to that monkey suit of yours
so I got gussied up.
Good job. You gussy very well.
Oh, and here's a little something for you.
Thank you.
Sorry, I don't have anything for you.
It's a video camera.
Act normal.
We don't want everybody to know.
Sorry.
Good evening.
Uh, name, please.
Name?
Lincoln.
Washington.
You're a billionaire
and you try to grease the guy with seven bucks?
You think I have money to throw away?
You on the list?
Perfect.
Let me talk to him.
No. You know what, we'll do this my way.
I've got a T-135 disorientation module.
You just stand there.
Hi. Could you... hold this for me?
Aw, thanks.
Now, where did I put those tickets?
What's happening, Snowman?
What's happening?
What's happening, Snowman?
Hey... what's happening?
Oh, hey.
I can't believe it.
James Brown.
The Godfather of Soul.
Mr. Brown.
Forgive us for bothering you.
We came to see your show and...
Yeah, she forgot to make reservations.
Don't worry about it.
I can get tickets for the front row for you.
Oh, thank you very much, Mr. Brown.
See? The things work out.
There's one more thing I'd like to say, um...
It's not the 'in' thing today
to give compliments to a young lady
but I just got to let you know that...
you got a nice rack.
Oh, thank you, Mr. Brown.
Enjoy the show.
What...
is wrong with you?!
He fell down by himself.
You killed James Brown.
No, he's fine.
He's not fine.
And Banning is going to leave.
Don't panic.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Are you... praying?
Miss Cleo told me this would happen.
$4.99-a-minute Miss Cleo?
Just go out and tell them
Mr. Brown is not here.
There will be another act.
Nice to meet you.
And right about now, it is style time!
If you will, ladies and gentlemen,
introducing the hardest-working man in show business
ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Dynamite...
James Brown!
Uh, ladies and gentleman...
What's going on?!
Mr. James Brown will not be appearing tonight...
due to unforeseen circumstances
but stay right where you are
because the Lanford Hotel is really proud to present
the Last Emperor of Soul.
And, um, well, here he is.
Hi.
Hi, everybody. Good evening.
How are you tonight?!
Go home!
Who wants to get funky tonight?!
Go ahead and make it funky.
Yeah.
♪ Get up!
♪ Get on up
♪ Get on up, y'all
♪ Get on up
♪ Gonna get-get-get-get-get on up
♪ Get on up
♪ Stay on the scene
♪ Get on up
♪ Like a sex machine
♪ Get-get-get-get get on up
♪ Get on up
♪ Gonna get-get-get-get get on up
♪ Get on up
♪ Stay on the scene
♪ Get-get-get-get get on up
♪ Get on up
♪ Like a sex machine
♪ Gonna get-get-get-get get on up
♪ Get on up
Wait a minute!
♪ Shake your arm, then use your form
♪ Stay on the scene
♪ Like a sex machine
♪ You got to have the feeling
♪ Sure as you're born
♪ Get it together
♪ Right on, right on
Good God!
So, you had fun up there.
I was blending, that's what agents do.
Would you please stop?
I'd like to get to Banning's table before morning.
Whoa! Hey, slut, thanks.
I hate celebrities who brush off their fans.
Banning's girlfriend has been drinking.
Okay, she might be able to tell... Clark!
Yes.
Stop.
Get on the scene, Sex Machine.
Great job, man.
Hi.
Hi. Good evening.
Hello.
Well, we're all
vaguely honored you could join us, I suppose.
Singing is my favorite type of music.
Oh, admirable.
Regrettably, this is
my vacuous fiancée.
I think her name is Cheryl
something.
Oh, charmed.
I could look at you all day.
Do you ever dance unprofessionally...
Emperor?
Let's see what I can do.
Oh, excuse us.
Of course.
Do you know how to mambo?
I hope so.
Hmm... '92 Dasani.
Gentle bouquet with a hint of vinyl polychloride.
Earthy yet... ethereal.
Cheers.
I spilled.
You and Banning seem very close.
Tell me about his work.
I don't want to talk about him.
I want to talk about you.
You're such a handsome devil.
So are you.
When I can't sleep at night, which is quite often
I step into my laboratory and I play.
It's not work, you see.
It's glorious
wet... play.
Well, maybe I can come over and play.
That would be very nice.
The thing is, I, uh...
I have a small problem trusting people.
I don't know if I can trust myself with you, Deitrich.
Well, maybe we can come up
with a way for you to pro...
Her name's Del Blaine. She's CSA.
Oh, bloody hell.
He drives a BMW, registered to Clark Devlin.
You told me you dealt with Devlin
with the skateboard bomb.
Yeah, well, he looks pretty alive to me.
Pretty good dancer. He's all over Cheryl.
You want me to do something about that?
No.
Maybe the rancid tart
might actually be of some use for once.
Get the boys, would you?
Whoo! I am so bushed.
I'm sorry, you'll have to excuse me.
Unfortunate interruptus.
So, my long streak of love, here is the key
to the hospitality suite
should you feel the need to spend the night.
Goodbye.
Well, I think I'll just go up
to room 72, excuse me, 68
and take a long, hot bath
in room 7268.
Good night.
And once again, we end up with nothing.
I can get her to talk.
And say what?
Oh, Emperor, would you sign my bra?
Oops, I'm not wearing one.
What is it with you and bras?
She has information.
Oh, right, and that's why you have to go up to her hotel room.
You have never seen my work.
This is what Clark Devlin does best.
Can I go home?
No, you have to cover me.
With what, a shot of penicillin?
Fine.
I'll be waiting by the pool.
Oh, wait.
What's her room number again?
7268.
7268. 7268. 7268.
Cheryl!
Hey, you little devil.
♪ You'll never find...
What kind of bubbles do you like?
Little...
♪ As long as you live
...or big?!
♪ Someone who loves you
Hang it for me, will you?
♪ Tender like I do
♪ I'm not bragging on myself...
So...
I know you can dance, but...
what else can you do?
Get on the bed.
I'll show you.
Okay, Mr. Devlin, let's see your magic.
Oh, my God, your hands are like a machine.
Oh, I am never working with him again.
So, tell me about Deitrich's good friend, Walter Strider.
Never heard of him...
but I know Dry Martini.
Maybe someone should mix us a couple.
Y-O-U spells "you".
You're smart.
Really?
And a good speller.
Thanks. I graduated top two-thirds
of my sixth grade class.
♪ But I know somehow, some way...
What a gentleman.
♪ Some way, you are...
♪ You're gonna miss my lovin'...
Look, it's Cocktail Barbie.
Take your clothes off and stay a while.
I... I like my clothes on.
Kinky boy.
Wh... Wh...?
Where did you get that pin?
Oh. Deitrich.
Want to have a closer look?
I'm sorry.
Look at the time. I got to go.
Oh, Emperor.
Where are you going?
What are you doing?
Oh, Emperor.
Oh, where are you going
you naughty boy?
I adore romance when it's rough.
Get back here!
You're dead meat!
Come on!
Take a bath.
Oh, yes, because I've been a dirty, dirty girl.
Go fill the tub.
Do you like it with bubbles?
Hot bubbles.
♪ Tiny bubbles in my wine...
♪ Makes me feel fine
Come on, her voice reminds me of my mother.
Is that room service?
What's happening?
What's going on under those cute little boxers of yours?
Emperor, the bubbles are perfect.
Come to mama, Emperor!
Coming!
Help!
Say good night... agent!
Del Blaine. Del Blaine.
Sorry.
Emperor...
This is not what I signed up for!
I need my bathroom bud.
She's in there taking a bath.
What happened to your nose?
Sorry!
Honeymooners.
Yes, some things never change.
Emperor!
Emperor, come back!
Please!
Go! Get going.
Can't you do anything?
Why are you so mad?
Gee, let me think.
Because big, ugly men are trying to kill me?
Because I got stuck
with a millionaire playboy dilettante for a partner?
You don't care how you make people feel.
I happen to be
an extremely sensitive person.
Okay, you think you know feelings.
Look at me.
How do I feel?
Sick.
Sad.
What about now?
Constipated.
Creepy.
Horny.
Is funny.
Is angry.
Is crazy.
You know nothing.
This is why you don't have a boyfriend.
No wonder you didn't get anything from Banning.
Oh... right, I didn't get anything from Banning
except where his friggin' lab is.
Where?
Let's see if the great master "agent" can figure it out.
Banning said he sometimes has trouble sleeping.
All men have trouble sleeping.
Sometimes at night, he goes down and works in his lab.
He sleeps in his lab?
He sleeps in his bedroom.
His lab's in his bedroom?
No.
Get your facts straight.
His lab is at his house...
His casa, where he lives... get it?
Excellent.
You passed the test.
I put in a good word with the boss.
Well, let's go see Chalmers tonight.
No.
Keep him out of this.
Just you and me.
You know, if you're so good at this
why don't you tell me something about me?
Okay.
You have big crush on me
and I know your name is Del Blaine.
First of all, you wish, and...
my real name is Delilah.
Delilah?
Suits you.
Hey...
Oh... oh, Emperor!
Hey!
Oh, God, Clark, isn't anything sacred?
Oh, rug burns are so sexy!
It's the driver.
Oh, my God.
Thank you.
Invitations?
Oh, yes.
Why don't you offer him five bucks?
I have them somewhere.
♪ Birds of a feather...
Nice party, huh?
So, you're the strong, silent type, huh?
That's the whole bouncer package.
I didn't mean your package.
Thank you...
Dr. Schwartz.
Shalom.
Come, darling.
Product launch, my ass.
Let's go find Banning's lab.
Let's go.
Are you trying to get me alone?
Where'd they go?
Don't tell me the great Clark Devlin
can't come up with an answer.
Although
he can walk on water.
It's a trick, right?
Come on.
Mr. Devlin likes insects, too.
What?
Oh, uh, I mean
sometime I speak of myself in the third person.
Del Blaine thinks you're a freak.
Have you cleaned the tanks?
What are they doing down there?
I don't know.
When you're done here
you can go and sweep the tunnels.
Don't use the blower!
I can tell the difference.
And don't touch the tequila for me and Mr. Banning.
Whatever you say there, Dr. Simms.
Yes, Dr. Simms.
Louder!
Yes, Dr. Simms.
We better hope the little ones follow the queen.
Well, if they don't
the stock is going to be worthless.
Follow the queen?
Have you seen Cheryl?
Maybe he's gay.
Cheryl? No.
Man, let's get out of here.
Let's go have a smoke.
It still stinks.
Hey.
How did you...?
Whatever.
Look at this.
He's pinpointed the national reservoirs.
He's going to poison the water?
Not with that stuff.
It's too detectable
and there's government safeguards.
Let's check out the computer.
Now you're thinking.
Who are they?
They shouldn't be in the lab.
Let's go.
Oh, my God.
Oh, your God what?
DNA recombinant microbes
carrying a T-4 genome.
English.
Genetically induced hydrogen-oxygen barrier.
Normal person's English.
Dehydrating water.
Drink it, you'll shrivel up and die
but the big question is, how is he possibly
going to introduce it into the water supply?
I think we better go.
Go.
Quick, over there by the wall.
Nobody here.
Let's check the hatchery.
You're on my foot.
What was that about?
Go!
How did they miss us?
What, are they blind?
Don't look up my skirt.
♪ Set adrift on memory bliss of you
♪ The camera pans the cocktail glass
♪ Behind a blind of plastic plants
♪ I found the lady with the fat diamond ring
♪ Then you know I can't remember a damn thing
♪ I think it's one...
Banning's got the bacteria
but he has to transport it from his lab to the water.
There's no way he can.
Maybe with airplanes.
Not possible.
Besides, even if he could get it to a reservoir undetected
an alarm would trigger
the second the surface of the water's broken.
You're really smart.
It's an act.
I'm an inexperienced girl
who's trying to bluff her way through.
You are?
Come on, stop humoring me.
Just be honest.
♪ ...assuming that there are some out there...
Honest?
All right.
You think I'm the great Clark Devlin.
♪ ...gonna say I look lovely...
Yeah, hello?
Steena, I can't talk right now.
♪ ...I can't lie
♪ She's just one of those corners in my mind
♪ And I just put her right back...
Yeah.
Yeah, I can handle it.
Bad news?
Can we go somewhere and be... alone?
Sure.
I didn't know you were so strong.
Take off your clothes.
Let's not do anything we'll regret.
Take off your clothes.
What's happening?
Look, I knew the second I met you
you weren't Clark Devlin.
Now take off the tuxedo. It doesn't belong to you.
I wanted to tell you, but I just didn't know how.
Take off your clothes.
What is that?
Hey!
You, out here!
Okay.
Take the clothes.
Okay.
Slow down.
My name is Jimmy Tong.
I'm Mr. Devlin's driver.
He asked me to find Walter Strider.
I don't want to hear
any more of your lies.
Now, give me the watch and the shoes.
Now, where's Clark Devlin and how did you think
you were going to get away with this?
Things happened.
I decided to go with the flow.
What about the underwear?
They're mine.
I... I mean, my roommate.
Jimmy.
Suits you.
These are my roommate's too.
Go finish your business.
Have you seen the Emperor?
No.
Impolite to leave
without saying goodbye to the host.
I was just looking for Deitrich.
I'll take you to him then.
Like a big terrier with a little rat.
I think she was down in the lab.
Well, at least your interest in water was genuine.
Look, I'm here because of you.
You wanted to know if I could be trusted?
I bet this tux is just your size.
Thank you.
We got a positive location on Blaine, sir.
How long till we get to her?
20 minutes.
I've transmitted the coordinates.
Dear Mr. Devlin
I did the best I could, but it wasn't good enough.
I did not find Walter Strider for you.
I also lost your tuxedo.
I'm sure you will get it back.
I guess I will go back to being what I was before I met you.
Water strider.
Water strider!
Stupid!
My beautiful little darlings.
Gerris marginatus.
Species native to Southeast Asia.
Commonly known as the water strider.
Walter Strider.
Yes, the water strider.
Very good. Very good.
Well, it's brilliant.
They touch down on the reservoirs.
Their little feet transfer a deadly bacteria
without breaking the surface of the water
so no alarms sound, and it looks like
a nasty little trick of nature.
Fortunately
there is one drinkable water source.
Yours.
Deitrich, you're a genius.
Too bad it won't work.
Oh... you so wrong.
Wrong! Wrong! Wrong.
It will work because my plan is perfect.
Sorry, Mr. Banning, it's your plan... and mine.
Um... it's ours.
Shut up. Explain.
Oh, all righty.
The life cycle of the Gerris marginatus
begins with mating...
something Dr. Simms is not personally familiar with.
Anyhoo, the insects swarm
to freshwater
where fertilized eggs are then deposited on the underside
of lotus leaves and hatch into larvae.
Spare me the Discovery Channel blather.
Tell me why it won't work.
Yes, tell us.
Why it won't work?
This is the northern hemisphere, correct?
You incubated insects native to the southern hemisphere.
So, simply, it is too cold for them to mature sexually...
much like Simms here.
Therefore...
they won't mate.
Therefore, they won't seek out water.
Is this true?
No, I knew a girl once, in college, quite well.
Very well.
And then you remember cousin Doris?
No, Simms, the bugs.
The bugs.
Oh, you're not going to believe this hootchie
are you, Mr. Banning?
Oh, yeah?
Ask him if I lied about the tuxedo.
This tuxedo is... It's all right. It's...
All right?
That is the most incredible piece of technology
on the planet.
And I am laying it in your big, hot hands.
Mr. Banning, release the bugs.
Go ahead.
Do what he tells you.
You might have a chance at second prize
at a junior high school science fair
but you can forget your dreams of world domination.
Slip into it, Deitrich.
See how it feels.
The other ten percent's in there.
You've got plenty of it.
Hey, Dr. Schwartz.
Tell your boss Clark Devlin is back.
Drapes nicely.
Well, it certainly puts a spring in one's step.
Happy to have lightened your loafers, Deitrich.
One question.
Why are you doing this?
Hey, what the hell is this?
This is the moment where 50 CSA commandos storm in
take you, your pretentious accent
your jackass sideburns
to the Federal pen where, guess what?
All they serve is highly chlorinated tap water.
Presenting Clark Devlin.
Have I told you how amazing you look in this tuxedo?
Simms, prepare for release.
With pleasure, sir.
Hatchery doors opening.
Water sources targeted.
Pods will begin releasing striders in five minutes.
Maturation level: 85%.
Why are you here?
I've come to save you.
That's great.
What about the big guys with the big guns?
For years, I've heard about you.
Now we finally meet, I find that the great Clark Devlin
is nothing more than an ordinary man
who's about to die an extraordinary death.
You're right
except for one thing.
My name's Tong.
James Tong.
You okay?
Uh, Jimmy, is there
something you want to tell me?
Later.
Oh, you've got a good suit as well.
All right!
Let go!
X-4 genome bacteria-induced
water striders: 100% mature.
Bacteria drop sites identified.
Pods now opening.
What are you doing?! No! No!
She's ruining everything.
Electrical malfunction. Hatchery door is disengaged.
Ah, I knew girls like you in high school.
Yeah? Did they do this?
Uh-huh, they did.
Mr. Banning, you must open the hatch manually.
Sod off.
Manual hatch release required.
Rotate valve counterclockwise to open hatch.
Get off.
Bloody open!
Manual procedure complete. Hatchery doors opening.
Airborne striders awaiting queen release.
Hatchery doors opening.
Clark!
I mean, Jimmy, help me!
I'm busy.
All mature striders ready for release.
Bacteria-laced microbes fully activated.
His head's about to explode.
Look at him.
Look at him!
You might know a few tricks
but you're just a sad, pathetic man.
Smoking is bad for your health.
You okay?
Yeah, duh.
By the way, nice going.
Now millions of people are going to die of dehydration.
You left the hatch open.
They're not flying away.
Yeah, what are they waiting for?
They are waiting... to follow the queen.
Airborne striders awaiting queen release.
Oh, my God. For once, you're right.
The queen is going to lead the striders
to freshwater sites all over North America.
Quick, grab it before it's released.
Queen strider disengaged.
Alert! Queen strider disengaged.
Let's go.
He's got the queen!
Wait!
You dropped it.
Don't move!
Sir, excuse me, I deserve to see this.
Trouble.
Okay, okay, make hustle, ladies.
Let's go. Let's go.
Watch out, Aqua-Lung.
Hey, pal, nice suit.
It's okay, kitten.
Everything's going to be all right.
It is not okay.
You just decked the hero.
I... I'm a genius and I can testify for a piece of immunity.
Also, I'm from a neutral country...
Shut it.
Well, looks like we got here just in time.
Oh, to what? Take credit?
Oh, you're hilarious, Blaine.
Winton Chalmers, CSA.
I spearheaded the operation that took down Deitrich Banning.
I bet you're Jimmy Tong.
Here's your tuxedo. You happy now?
Well, I will be when I get it safely back to headquarters.
By the way, Blaine, not a bad job
for your first time in the field.
Well, I didn't do it alone.
She always says nice things about me.
When you finally
do something right, you deserve the credit.
Well, sir
it's an honor to help
the United States of America.
I feel exactly the same way, soldier.
You don't think you're going to be able to get away
with a bureaucratic pat on the butt, do you?
Well, I'm hoping to.
Ooh, man down, people.
Well... there is one thing you can do for me.
And that would be?
All right, tracking systems locked on.
Anybody screws up and your ass is mine.
Block off this end of the street.
Roger that.
All right, we're at T minus 30 and counting.
Is everyone in position?
Manhole agent up.
Flower lady, hot dog vendor, go.
Replace the hot dog vendor. Come on, hustle.
Let's go.
This is Bird Three, the street is secure.
Uh-oh, bike messenger.
Hostile forces moving in. Go on, Randall, take him out.
Roger. T-14 descending.
Advance the lead operation vehicle.
Bring in the package as soon as I cross.
Roger that.
Hustle, people.
The package is on the move.
All right, ladies and gentlemen, it's show time.
How's our package?
I forget what to say.
But you can do this.
Focus. Go.
Go.
Package dropped.
Roger. Target locked.
Jimmy, what do you say?
The name's Tong. James Tong.
I'm the man. I'm the man.
Del, did you tell him to say that?
No. Well, sort of.
Oh, God.
Come on, ladies, relax.
He's just pumping out pheromones.
Clark, shut up.
I do believe I'm in charge of this operation.
Package is locked on target.
Why did you wear those pants?
He's stopping.
- What's he stopping for? - Why is he stopping?
Use the door, Jimmy.
He's really breathing heavy now.
Have you seen her?
He's out of his league, if you know what I mean.
- He's like a hunter. - It's the gallery owner.
Randall, quiet.
Nice.
Clark, please, would you focus?
He's about to speak.
Open your mouth.
Hi.
- He said, "Hi". - Hi.
That's the girl?
He came up with that on his own.
She's not that pretty.
Jimmy, smile, come on.
Move on to something else... quick.
He doesn't look so good.
- Jimmy? Jimmy? - He doesn't look so good.
Clark, give him a line.
Steena, shut up.
- Just look deep into her eyes... - Clark, no.
That crap doesn't work...
Looks like he's hyperventilating.
If I remember rightly, it worked...
Don't listen to them. Listen to me.
I can't think with you screaming in my ear.
Everybody calm down, all right?
Not you, her.
No, no, her, her.
Look deep into her eyes...
It's me.
...and tell her you had a dream about her last night.
Clark, be quiet.
Del, will you shut up?
I hate to say this, Jimmy
but don't take advice from women about women.
Shut up.
Clark, you've been reassigned.
The voices are screaming in my ear.
Hey, if you can hear me
wipe that look off your face.
Remember me?
Hooters.
Soul patch.
Okay, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
I'm the love of my life...
No, no! No, no!
You're the love of my life.
No, you never tell them you love them, Jimmy.
Can you have... dinner with me?
Get out.
Pretty sure he craps his pants, people.
I just want to have dinner.
Get out now.
- Lunch? - Now!
All right, we're terminating this mission.
Pack it up and roll home.
I think I blew it, Mr. Devlin.
Jimmy, I wrote the book on this stuff.
Trust me, you didn't blow it. You outgrew her.
Maybe.
Tell you what. Take the weekend off.
First thing Monday morning
we'll head for somewhere with more interesting prospects.
How about Monte Carlo?
Sounds good.
Thanks, Mr. Devlin.
Thanks, everybody.
It's okay, Jimmy.
Hang in there.
Next time.
Well, if you were trying to get her to notice you
mission accomplished.
What are you planning for the second date?
Running at her with a knife?
It's difficult for me.
What is so hard?
You just have to say something like...
Excuse me, you want to go get some coffee?
When I around beautiful women, I can't talk.
Sure. Beautiful women.
You know, a real knockout.
Like the beautiful lady in the gallery.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
What's wrong?
Nothing.
What?
You can't tell how I feel?
You look sad.
No.
Sick?
No.
Constipated?
No.
A little.
Tell me, what's wrong?
It's just no guy would ever do anything for me
like what you did for her.
Or tried to do.
You know why?
Because you are a pain in the butt.
Yeah, nice working with you too.
Hello.
Delilah, excuse me.
You want to have a coffee?
I only drink organic green tea.
Wrong answer.
You're never going to have a boyfriend.
Fine.
Coffee. I love coffee.
You learn quick.
Is that your happy face or your horny face?
I tell you later.
♪ One, two, three, four
♪ Get up
♪ Getty-get, get-get-get get on up
♪ Get on up
♪ Get up now
♪ Getty-get, get-get-get...
James. James...
Tong...
♪ Get-get-get get on up...
Cut.
♪ Get up now
♪ Getty-get, get-get-get on up
Couldn't tell you what I'm about to say.
Purse!
Cut.
I'm sorry.
The bird hit the guy.
Is this a bunch of crap.
Is this a bunch crap?
Bunch of crap.
Okay.
You think I'm speak very good English, huh?
What's in your head, flies out your mouth.
What's in your head, fly from your mouth.
What's in your mouth...
That's okay. Cut.
This is why you don't have a boyfriend.
That's...
That's... thought...
Frog?
Fraud.
Look at...
Look at her ugly face.
Every time I look...
Every time, she just like this.
How can I act?
- Can we do a single on me? - No.
Action!
No, no, no.
Cut! Cut!
Let's follow 'em. They'll take us to the lab.
Who?
Let's...
Cut.
I got the happy partner over here.
Jimmy.
What do you...?
She smile the whole movie.
Waste of film, waste of time.
What is she doing?
Hit me!
Oh, no!
You're fast.
But I'm faster.
Good God!