1 00:03:06,386 --> 00:03:10,389 You want me to make you breakfast? 2 00:03:10,391 --> 00:03:12,491 With what? There's nothing in the fridge. 3 00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:17,296 I'll go to the store when you get paid. 4 00:03:17,298 --> 00:03:19,865 We can crash dinner at my mom's tonight. 5 00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:23,435 I'd rather starve. 6 00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:34,980 If I had a million dollars, I'd stay in bed with you all day. 7 00:03:46,259 --> 00:03:48,594 I'm gonna be late for work, wife. 8 00:03:48,596 --> 00:03:50,762 You know I'm quick, husband. 9 00:04:03,509 --> 00:04:05,310 Hey, Pete. 10 00:04:10,683 --> 00:04:13,552 Whoops. 11 00:04:13,554 --> 00:04:15,621 Oh, oh, oh. 12 00:04:27,567 --> 00:04:30,435 Hey, fellas. Good morning. 13 00:04:38,378 --> 00:04:40,812 Good morning. I have a great new offer for you today. 14 00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:43,448 Uh-huh. 15 00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:46,385 - Good morning. Hi, Donna. - Hi, John. 16 00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:51,456 Okay, let's do this. Let's sell some... Television warranties. 17 00:04:52,425 --> 00:04:53,992 No, um, 18 00:04:53,994 --> 00:04:57,763 I have not had experience supervising others. 19 00:04:57,765 --> 00:05:01,366 But I am a confident leader, 20 00:05:01,368 --> 00:05:04,536 And I respond very well to stress and deadlines. 21 00:05:06,072 --> 00:05:11,009 No, um, I have not had, uh, experience supervising others. 22 00:05:11,944 --> 00:05:14,746 But I am a confident leader, 23 00:05:14,748 --> 00:05:21,420 And I respond well... very well... to stress and deadlines. 24 00:05:21,422 --> 00:05:23,522 Hi, good morning, Mr. Sandveg. Hope I didn't wake you. 25 00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:24,890 Hi, auntie. Are you there? 26 00:05:24,892 --> 00:05:26,958 Uh, no, my name is John Macy. 27 00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:29,428 Um, sir, would you be interested by any chance, 28 00:05:29,430 --> 00:05:33,765 what happened is, we've suddenly started to hit real well. 29 00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:36,001 What's that? But our pitching is just terrible. 30 00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:40,005 Hello? Hello? Mr. Sandveg? 31 00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:41,506 Hey, what went wrong on that sale there, John? 32 00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:47,346 Um, this sale. Dementia. 33 00:05:47,348 --> 00:05:49,681 Okay. Think about what we talked about. 34 00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:52,718 Productivity, performance, punctuality, 35 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:56,021 The three main pivot points to you recapturing your optimal performance level. 36 00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:57,789 Why is this a problem? 37 00:05:57,791 --> 00:06:01,526 Oh, I just think it's honestly a pretty bad economy right now. 38 00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:04,096 Don't tell me economy. Everyone's blaming the economy. 39 00:06:04,098 --> 00:06:06,465 You gonna blame somebody? Blame... 40 00:06:06,467 --> 00:06:08,467 The damn republicans? 41 00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:11,970 What? Don't sass me. And don't sass my party. 42 00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:14,973 I... make some calls. Focus up. 43 00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:17,709 Get rid of those dumb-ass toys. 44 00:06:24,584 --> 00:06:26,551 First I'm here 45 00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:28,920 then I'm there 46 00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:32,557 and I know it's a drag 47 00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:37,896 and I know it's a drag but I'm here 48 00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:40,832 I've spent the last three years finishing my undergraduate degree. 49 00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:43,135 It's been tight, but worth it... 50 00:06:43,137 --> 00:06:47,739 So I could sit here today, fully qualified for my dream job. 51 00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:51,576 I'm ahead of the pack for once. 52 00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:53,412 We have a lot of applicants, 53 00:06:53,414 --> 00:06:56,848 All of whom have master's degrees... 54 00:06:56,850 --> 00:07:00,085 Or ten years' experience. 55 00:07:02,488 --> 00:07:03,655 Okay. 56 00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:07,092 Flower power, minishirts 57 00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:09,461 in the big city 58 00:07:17,670 --> 00:07:20,739 What do you want? Came by for the rent check. 59 00:07:20,741 --> 00:07:23,608 It's not due for another three days, arnie. 60 00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:24,843 Well, then I saved you a stamp. 61 00:07:24,845 --> 00:07:26,178 Ow. 62 00:07:42,495 --> 00:07:46,598 Here. You can't cash that until Friday. 63 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:51,536 Weren't you, uh, voted most likely to succeed in high school, Alice? 64 00:07:51,538 --> 00:07:53,138 Yeah. Why? 65 00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:56,942 - Just wondering what happened. - Oh. 66 00:07:56,944 --> 00:08:01,513 Oopsies. Oh, yeah, that guy. 67 00:08:01,515 --> 00:08:03,615 Mmm. You know, he's getting promoted. 68 00:08:03,617 --> 00:08:05,851 And I'm considering several job offers right now. 69 00:08:05,853 --> 00:08:07,719 Oh, that's good. That's nice. Yeah. 70 00:08:07,721 --> 00:08:09,221 Arnie. Yard's a little shaggy. 71 00:08:09,223 --> 00:08:11,623 Oh. Bang! 72 00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:14,192 Ah! Ah! Ah! 73 00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:24,703 Hello, darling wife. Hello, husband. 74 00:08:26,806 --> 00:08:31,576 So, this is the part where you tell me you got a promotion at work... 75 00:08:31,578 --> 00:08:32,978 And a huge bonus. 76 00:08:36,984 --> 00:08:41,152 You tell me to go get sexy because you're taking me out. 77 00:08:42,755 --> 00:08:46,992 I, uh, found a hoagie time coupon in the men's room. 78 00:08:46,994 --> 00:08:50,262 It's a bogo. 79 00:08:50,264 --> 00:08:53,131 Ooh. 80 00:08:53,966 --> 00:08:56,001 Love when you spoil me. 81 00:08:56,003 --> 00:08:58,803 Get inside. 82 00:08:58,805 --> 00:09:00,872 It's hoagie time. 83 00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:07,646 Yes! You die. 84 00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:10,849 I think I should just become a navy seal or something. 85 00:09:10,851 --> 00:09:12,817 'Cause I'm a tactical genius. 86 00:09:12,819 --> 00:09:15,887 Why is it that real blood makes you pass out, but this is entertainment? 87 00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:19,591 Because I'm killing drug dealers and pimps. It's God's work. 88 00:09:19,593 --> 00:09:22,861 Hey, which credit card has no interest until next year? 89 00:09:22,863 --> 00:09:25,196 Um, citibank in July. 90 00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:30,235 Oh! I died, baby. 91 00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:33,104 So, when Arnie cashes our check, 92 00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:35,173 We will be left with... 93 00:09:38,978 --> 00:09:42,180 why do you care so much about what Payton and Ricky think? 94 00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:44,616 Because they're our friends, John, and we went to high school together. 95 00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:46,718 These people tortured me in high school. 96 00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:51,022 Hi, um, Alice and John Macy. I see you're on the list. Yeah. 97 00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:53,992 Yeah, come on in. Thank you. 98 00:09:57,129 --> 00:09:59,130 Oh, my God. 99 00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:05,170 Honey, was there anything about a dress code in the invitation? 100 00:10:05,172 --> 00:10:07,939 I wanna die right now. Yeah. 101 00:10:11,978 --> 00:10:17,015 Seven years ago, she was copying my trig and banging all the jocks. 102 00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:20,151 Her father gave her a bullshit six-figure desk job... 103 00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:23,722 While holding a solid "c" average in communications after seven years of college. 104 00:10:23,724 --> 00:10:26,791 Her degree is as authentic as her bouncy new tits. 105 00:10:29,228 --> 00:10:32,330 Shall we go see some of our good friends now? 106 00:10:38,671 --> 00:10:40,038 Two whiskeys, neat. Sure. 107 00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:42,707 Hey, Ricky, what do you say? 108 00:10:42,709 --> 00:10:45,010 Hey... Guy. 109 00:10:45,012 --> 00:10:48,179 High five. 110 00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:50,115 It's getting hot outside, right? 111 00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:52,817 - Real hot around here. - Here you go. 112 00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:54,786 Walked outside yesterday my whole... 113 00:10:56,288 --> 00:10:59,057 My whole dick was out just swingin' around. 114 00:10:59,059 --> 00:11:00,392 Louise! 115 00:11:00,394 --> 00:11:03,928 Hi. I'm so glad that you're here. 116 00:11:03,930 --> 00:11:05,930 Yes. Hey. How are you? 117 00:11:05,932 --> 00:11:07,732 Good. How are you? You'll have to excuse me. 118 00:11:07,734 --> 00:11:10,301 I'm gonna go to the bar and drink enough to kill a horse. 119 00:11:10,303 --> 00:11:12,070 You want anything? Yes, two beers please. 120 00:11:12,072 --> 00:11:14,072 Got it. Immediately. 121 00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:18,777 Hi. So, I guess I didn't get the memo to wear something short and shiny. 122 00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:20,445 Hey! What's up, man? 123 00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:23,948 I'm so happy you're here. I'm so glad you're here. 124 00:11:23,950 --> 00:11:26,117 Thought I was gonna have to spend the whole night hiding in the bathroom. 125 00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:28,820 Yeah. Yeah, I tried that one out. At the vegan barbecue. 126 00:11:28,822 --> 00:11:30,822 Oh, that was you? That was me. 127 00:11:30,824 --> 00:11:34,426 Dude, I spent 45 minutes shittin' kale into a hat in the backyard. 128 00:11:34,428 --> 00:11:37,796 My mom got sick again. So, it's like... it's okay. 129 00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:40,865 It's just that we had to pay for all the hospital bills, 130 00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:42,934 And I didn't get the scholarship. 131 00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:44,436 So it's like... it's a lot. 132 00:11:44,438 --> 00:11:48,073 I'm really depressed now. Tell me about it. 133 00:11:48,075 --> 00:11:50,975 But good people win out in the end. 134 00:11:50,977 --> 00:11:53,712 Let's go do shots. Yes, please. 135 00:11:53,714 --> 00:11:56,748 It's a nice theme they've got going on. Yeah. Nice theme. Pink. 136 00:11:56,750 --> 00:12:00,051 Looks like a fuckin' asshole in here. 137 00:12:06,158 --> 00:12:09,227 Breakin' rocks in the hot sun 138 00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:12,997 I fought the law and the law won 139 00:12:12,999 --> 00:12:16,201 she's the best girl that I ever had 140 00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:19,137 I fought the law and the law won 141 00:12:19,139 --> 00:12:22,340 I fought the law and the law won 142 00:12:22,342 --> 00:12:25,310 I fought the law and the law won 143 00:12:25,312 --> 00:12:28,847 I fought the law and the... 144 00:12:39,225 --> 00:12:41,226 Why did we drink so much? 145 00:12:41,228 --> 00:12:43,228 Because it was free. 146 00:12:46,398 --> 00:12:48,933 We need to go shopping if we want to eat today. 147 00:12:53,305 --> 00:12:57,075 How did your, um, interview go the other day? 148 00:12:58,344 --> 00:13:00,512 If anything, I was over-qualified. 149 00:13:02,414 --> 00:13:05,884 Well, maybe you should just, you know... 150 00:13:05,886 --> 00:13:08,419 Set your sights a little lower. 151 00:13:09,855 --> 00:13:12,423 I have a $40,000 degree in art history. 152 00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:14,826 I really don't want to work at the mall. 153 00:13:14,828 --> 00:13:18,897 Baby, I'm not worried. You're gonna have an amazing job one day. 154 00:13:20,065 --> 00:13:22,333 I know. Things will get better. Mmm. 155 00:13:31,076 --> 00:13:34,179 Oh! Son of a bitch. Are you okay? 156 00:13:34,181 --> 00:13:35,446 Yeah. You're sure? 157 00:13:35,448 --> 00:13:39,884 Yeah, I think so. Look at me. You're okay. 158 00:13:39,886 --> 00:13:43,421 Yeah, looks like someone sawed this thing clear off. 159 00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:45,590 Honestly, we could've been killed very easily. 160 00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:48,459 That was intentional. Yeah. 161 00:13:48,461 --> 00:13:51,896 That's been happening a lot in this neighborhood lately. 162 00:13:51,898 --> 00:13:55,466 People comin' around sawin' off stop signs. 163 00:13:55,468 --> 00:13:59,037 - I can't pay for that. - We can't be held accountable for any of this. 164 00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:01,172 Neither of you are gonna be paying anything today. 165 00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:03,341 I been here 30 years... I feel like shopping. 166 00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:08,613 Alice! Hey! Jesus Christ. 167 00:14:08,615 --> 00:14:10,114 Slow down! You're speedin' here! 168 00:14:49,321 --> 00:14:52,423 Hello. Can I help you? 169 00:14:52,425 --> 00:14:56,261 No, thank you. I'm just browsing right now. 170 00:14:56,263 --> 00:14:59,097 Hey, Alice? I'm back here. 171 00:15:01,367 --> 00:15:04,302 I, uh, I don't think the axle's bent or anything so... 172 00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:07,305 You wanna get out of here and get some food? 173 00:15:07,307 --> 00:15:09,474 Well, the antiques roadshow is coming this weekend. 174 00:15:09,476 --> 00:15:13,177 Why don't we look around? See if we can find something, get on tv. 175 00:15:13,179 --> 00:15:14,979 You wanna look around here? Yeah. 176 00:15:16,548 --> 00:15:18,917 Um, excuse me. 177 00:15:18,919 --> 00:15:23,388 Hi. Do you have any, like, old-fashioned records or comic books or... 178 00:15:23,390 --> 00:15:26,190 Nothing for you. 179 00:15:26,192 --> 00:15:28,993 Nooses? Shotguns? Poison? 180 00:15:28,995 --> 00:15:31,996 Okay. I'm gonna go just... In the car. 181 00:15:31,998 --> 00:15:36,634 This is me, before the war. 182 00:15:36,636 --> 00:15:38,236 You were beautiful. 183 00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:44,242 That's the telephone. 184 00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:00,585 Shit. 185 00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:03,321 I got the car to work, baby. Okay, great. Go! Go! Go! Go! 186 00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:04,689 Go! Go! Go, now. 187 00:17:08,727 --> 00:17:11,462 Why'd you run out of there like baby face nelson? What happened? 188 00:17:14,099 --> 00:17:16,634 Stealing? Are you kidding me? 189 00:17:16,636 --> 00:17:19,070 We're, like, two steps above white trash as it already is. 190 00:17:19,072 --> 00:17:22,140 This is so pretty. Look at it. 191 00:17:46,098 --> 00:17:48,433 - Ow! - Alice! 192 00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:50,301 What are you doing? 193 00:17:51,203 --> 00:17:53,337 I was fighting in my dream. 194 00:17:53,339 --> 00:17:57,208 Okay. No more kung fu movies before bed. 195 00:18:01,448 --> 00:18:06,084 I love cats. They get me much more than people do. 196 00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:09,587 Which reminds me. Did you know Mr. Tutor is having an affair? 197 00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:12,590 - Mr. Tutor? - Yeah. He's into some very kinky, kinky stuff. 198 00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:13,658 Do you wanna see? Come on. 199 00:18:13,660 --> 00:18:16,661 Seriously. 200 00:18:16,663 --> 00:18:19,797 Oh, my God. Where... oh, my... 201 00:18:19,799 --> 00:18:22,800 - Hi, Mrs. Tutor. Hi. - Hi. 202 00:18:22,802 --> 00:18:25,536 Nice to see you. You havin' lunch with the boss today? 203 00:18:25,538 --> 00:18:27,572 Every Friday. 204 00:18:27,574 --> 00:18:30,408 You know, it's little things like that that keep a marriage special. 205 00:18:30,410 --> 00:18:34,512 Have a good day. You too. 206 00:18:34,514 --> 00:18:37,815 I'm calling about the, uh, position that you had listed. 207 00:18:37,817 --> 00:18:40,118 No, I don't have my master's, 208 00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:42,487 But I have my bachelor's degree. 209 00:18:42,489 --> 00:18:47,158 And I actually graduated in the top third of my class. 210 00:18:48,327 --> 00:18:52,463 Okay. Um, is there any other position? 211 00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:54,699 Something entry-level, maybe? 212 00:18:54,701 --> 00:18:55,900 Ow! 213 00:19:37,576 --> 00:19:39,177 Ow! 214 00:19:44,816 --> 00:19:47,618 Holy mother of God. 215 00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:55,359 Seven hundred dollars. 216 00:20:03,969 --> 00:20:05,836 Oh, shit! 217 00:20:05,838 --> 00:20:07,705 Ow. Ow. 218 00:20:26,425 --> 00:20:29,594 John, I've come to the realization that... 219 00:20:29,596 --> 00:20:33,264 You may not be a great salesman. Okay. 220 00:20:33,266 --> 00:20:36,634 You don't smile when you speak to clients on the phone. 221 00:20:36,636 --> 00:20:41,539 Right. And-and you think my clients notice when I don't smile... 222 00:20:41,541 --> 00:20:42,940 Over the phone? 223 00:20:47,379 --> 00:20:49,680 It's for my wife. She has great taste. 224 00:20:50,649 --> 00:20:51,716 What? 225 00:20:54,319 --> 00:20:56,921 Good for her. Okay. Listen up. 226 00:20:56,923 --> 00:20:58,823 We're letting people go, John. 227 00:20:58,825 --> 00:21:00,625 And, uh, you're the first. 228 00:21:00,627 --> 00:21:04,395 - Hold on. - Me? The first? 229 00:21:04,397 --> 00:21:06,864 I've been here longer than half the people out there. 230 00:21:06,866 --> 00:21:08,599 I'm one of two people with a degree. 231 00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:10,968 And Donna's is from an animal husbandry school. 232 00:21:10,970 --> 00:21:13,437 We're not basing this on seniority, number one. 233 00:21:13,439 --> 00:21:15,406 Number two, don't belittle Donna... 234 00:21:15,408 --> 00:21:17,375 For her passion for animal insemination, 235 00:21:17,377 --> 00:21:20,344 What it's done for this community and what she's done for this company. 236 00:21:22,447 --> 00:21:26,050 We're letting you go. Do you have anything else to add? 237 00:21:33,659 --> 00:21:36,994 No. 238 00:21:56,548 --> 00:21:58,316 Alice! 239 00:21:59,985 --> 00:22:02,353 Jesus. What the... 240 00:22:04,756 --> 00:22:05,823 Alice! 241 00:22:08,927 --> 00:22:09,994 Alice. 242 00:22:09,996 --> 00:22:14,332 Hey, baby. Baby, can you hear me? 243 00:22:14,334 --> 00:22:15,833 Alice. Johnny boy. 244 00:22:15,835 --> 00:22:18,569 What happened to you? 245 00:22:18,571 --> 00:22:21,639 - There's someone in the house. - What? What do we do? 246 00:22:25,578 --> 00:22:27,011 You're my hero. 247 00:22:29,114 --> 00:22:31,949 You're kidding? 248 00:22:31,951 --> 00:22:35,519 Baby, just tell me what the hell happened? 249 00:22:35,521 --> 00:22:38,689 - I fell down the stairs. - We don't have stairs. 250 00:22:38,691 --> 00:22:41,859 Ow. There we go. 251 00:22:41,861 --> 00:22:45,863 I think... baby, I think we need to take you to the hospital. 252 00:22:45,865 --> 00:22:48,499 I'm fine. 253 00:22:48,501 --> 00:22:51,035 Not everybody has to go to the emergency room for a mosquito bite. 254 00:22:52,437 --> 00:22:54,004 It was one time. 255 00:22:54,006 --> 00:22:55,773 Thing looked like a hummingbird. 256 00:22:58,411 --> 00:22:59,744 Are you drowsy or nauseous? 257 00:22:59,746 --> 00:23:03,681 I feel very awake. More than I have in years. 258 00:23:05,751 --> 00:23:07,451 I think you're concussed. Look. 259 00:23:08,587 --> 00:23:10,521 Watch me. 260 00:23:24,736 --> 00:23:27,004 See? I'm fine. 261 00:23:37,516 --> 00:23:39,750 Why aren't you at work, baby? 262 00:23:44,956 --> 00:23:47,158 They fired me. 263 00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:49,794 How can they do that? I'll find another job. 264 00:23:49,796 --> 00:23:52,830 - How hard can that be? - Seriously? 265 00:23:55,133 --> 00:23:57,668 It doesn't matter. 266 00:24:04,443 --> 00:24:06,510 What? 267 00:24:10,483 --> 00:24:11,015 You feel funny? 268 00:24:13,985 --> 00:24:16,220 Like I might be having a panic attack. 269 00:24:16,222 --> 00:24:18,122 I'm so sorry for this, John. 270 00:24:19,591 --> 00:24:21,792 What the... 271 00:24:21,794 --> 00:24:24,528 What the hell? Look! Look. 272 00:24:24,530 --> 00:24:26,497 Look. It's better than any paycheck. 273 00:24:28,834 --> 00:24:30,201 You're giving me money so you can hit me? 274 00:24:30,203 --> 00:24:32,036 No, I'm not. The teapot is. 275 00:24:32,038 --> 00:24:35,239 It gives money when you hurt yourself. 276 00:24:35,241 --> 00:24:38,142 - What? - How else can you explain it? 277 00:24:38,144 --> 00:24:41,846 Alice. Alice! 278 00:24:41,848 --> 00:24:45,649 You put the money in the teapot before you hit me. 279 00:24:45,651 --> 00:24:48,185 No. No, I didn't. 280 00:24:48,187 --> 00:24:49,753 It's empty. 281 00:24:49,755 --> 00:24:51,555 Empty. 282 00:24:51,557 --> 00:24:52,990 What are you doing? 283 00:24:56,528 --> 00:24:58,729 Abracadabra. 284 00:24:58,731 --> 00:25:02,266 Ow. I guess that really does hurt. 285 00:25:02,268 --> 00:25:05,135 - Where did that come from? - Seriously, John? 286 00:25:06,605 --> 00:25:08,205 Okay. 287 00:25:08,207 --> 00:25:10,941 Ow! Ow. 288 00:25:10,943 --> 00:25:12,543 Jesus, Alice. What the... 289 00:25:13,545 --> 00:25:15,679 Ouch. 290 00:25:18,049 --> 00:25:20,885 Ouch. 291 00:25:22,020 --> 00:25:24,255 Stop doing that. 292 00:25:24,257 --> 00:25:26,724 This is the first time I've been the breadwinner. It feels good. 293 00:25:26,726 --> 00:25:31,262 It's not a paycheck! Alice, this is not a job. Good. 294 00:25:31,264 --> 00:25:35,599 Most people kill themselves for decades and get nowhere. 295 00:25:35,601 --> 00:25:38,969 It's a gift from the Gods, John. 296 00:25:38,971 --> 00:25:43,307 It could end badly. Very badly. 297 00:25:43,309 --> 00:25:46,844 We can dig ourselves out of this hole. 298 00:25:46,846 --> 00:25:50,281 Get out of this place. Get our own house. 299 00:25:50,283 --> 00:25:53,083 Make a million bucks and never work again. 300 00:25:57,690 --> 00:25:59,890 It came to us for a reason. 301 00:26:17,576 --> 00:26:19,343 John? 302 00:26:21,279 --> 00:26:23,113 John? 303 00:26:41,933 --> 00:26:44,668 No. No, John! No! 304 00:27:11,062 --> 00:27:12,630 Are you a gift from the Gods? 305 00:27:36,187 --> 00:27:38,055 Whoo. 306 00:27:39,357 --> 00:27:43,127 So, John, how did you come upon this teapot? 307 00:27:43,129 --> 00:27:45,963 I just found it at a garage sale. 308 00:27:45,965 --> 00:27:49,266 Just sitting there next to a blender and an old treadmill. 309 00:27:49,268 --> 00:27:51,035 That's very fortunate. 310 00:27:51,037 --> 00:27:53,804 'Cause I must tell you, when I saw this vessel come in, 311 00:27:53,806 --> 00:27:55,205 My heart skipped a beat. 312 00:27:55,207 --> 00:27:57,441 I don't say this often, on the show, 313 00:27:57,443 --> 00:28:00,310 But I have never seen anything quite like this before. 314 00:28:00,312 --> 00:28:04,348 Tremendous quality. The alchemy of the metal is spectacular. 315 00:28:04,350 --> 00:28:07,284 Mostly brass, but some other metal, possibly silver. 316 00:28:07,286 --> 00:28:12,022 And notice here the detail and the artistry in this 24 karat gold filigree. 317 00:28:12,024 --> 00:28:16,093 It's impeccable. Truly, truly an amazing find you have here. 318 00:28:16,095 --> 00:28:18,162 Wow. Where do you think it came from? 319 00:28:18,164 --> 00:28:20,798 I would guess the middle east... 320 00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:24,835 Or quite possibly ancient china. 321 00:28:24,837 --> 00:28:28,072 I've seen similar vessels like this... 322 00:28:28,074 --> 00:28:31,308 With the same structure of sorts from some of the earlier dynasties. 323 00:28:31,310 --> 00:28:34,912 But nothing this unique or well-preserved. 324 00:28:34,914 --> 00:28:39,016 This is truly as if it hasn't aged for several, several centuries. 325 00:28:39,018 --> 00:28:43,120 Do you know anything at all else about this teapot? 326 00:28:43,122 --> 00:28:45,255 Um, no, I don't, really. 327 00:28:45,257 --> 00:28:48,826 Except for the fact that... 328 00:28:48,828 --> 00:28:51,962 It's traveled across the world, through the hands of many important people... 329 00:28:52,931 --> 00:28:54,431 All of whom are now dead. 330 00:28:57,335 --> 00:28:59,336 Okay. 331 00:28:59,338 --> 00:29:03,307 I'm going to estimate the value of your teapot at $5,000. 332 00:29:03,309 --> 00:29:06,343 Well done. Well done. Thank you. 333 00:29:15,019 --> 00:29:18,789 We have to promise to stop before it gets out of control. 334 00:29:18,791 --> 00:29:20,390 We make our million and we stop. 335 00:29:27,398 --> 00:29:29,099 Ready? 336 00:29:35,807 --> 00:29:38,442 Ow, ow, ow, ow. Aah! Ow, ow. 337 00:29:38,444 --> 00:29:43,046 Hello. How are you today? Good. 338 00:29:43,048 --> 00:29:47,217 Can I take your bag for you? No, no, I'd rather keep it here if that's okay. 339 00:29:47,219 --> 00:29:50,354 I'll take the full brazilian. I want it all gone, okay? 340 00:29:50,356 --> 00:29:51,455 Okay. 341 00:29:54,393 --> 00:29:57,461 You know what? Let's do this the old fashioned way. 342 00:29:57,463 --> 00:30:00,030 Sure. Great. 343 00:30:05,204 --> 00:30:07,070 Oh, my God. 344 00:30:07,072 --> 00:30:10,541 Ow! Ow! Ow! 345 00:30:10,543 --> 00:30:13,243 Yeah, that's gonna be great. 346 00:30:21,052 --> 00:30:24,087 Are you sure you don't want to just take it to the bank? 347 00:30:24,089 --> 00:30:25,889 How would we explain that to the irs? 348 00:30:26,991 --> 00:30:30,527 - How much is it? - $194,173. 349 00:30:30,529 --> 00:30:32,429 Yes. 350 00:30:32,431 --> 00:30:33,931 Wow. 351 00:30:40,071 --> 00:30:44,241 Hey. You want to go for an even 200? 352 00:30:44,243 --> 00:30:47,377 Tonight? How? 353 00:30:55,253 --> 00:30:57,354 Spank me. 354 00:30:57,356 --> 00:31:00,057 - You want me to spank you? - Spank me, John. 355 00:31:00,059 --> 00:31:03,227 Huh. Okay. 356 00:31:08,534 --> 00:31:11,201 - You want me to spank you with that? - Yeah, I do. 357 00:31:11,203 --> 00:31:12,636 I don't want to hurt you. 358 00:31:15,874 --> 00:31:17,474 - You ready? - Do it. 359 00:31:19,377 --> 00:31:22,512 How was that? Harder? 360 00:31:22,514 --> 00:31:26,383 - Yeah. - This is crazy. 361 00:31:26,385 --> 00:31:28,151 Harder! 362 00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:30,020 Harder! 363 00:31:30,022 --> 00:31:32,222 This is crazy. I'm sorry. 364 00:31:32,224 --> 00:31:33,624 You're pathetic. I'm sorry. I can't. 365 00:31:36,028 --> 00:31:39,196 Hey, wow. Okay. 366 00:31:40,331 --> 00:31:42,199 Oh! Ow. 367 00:31:42,201 --> 00:31:45,969 Jesus Christ. Ow. Just hit, like the cushy part. 368 00:31:45,971 --> 00:31:47,371 Don't get my... ow! Yeah, yeah 369 00:31:47,373 --> 00:31:50,574 Okay, that's enough. That's enough. 370 00:31:50,576 --> 00:31:52,576 Oh, it's enough? 371 00:31:52,578 --> 00:31:55,112 I've been so fast this day hmm. 372 00:31:55,114 --> 00:31:56,480 Hands all over your face 373 00:31:56,482 --> 00:31:57,915 Ow. 374 00:31:57,917 --> 00:32:00,050 I'll never leave behind 375 00:32:00,952 --> 00:32:03,020 Where'd you learn all this? 376 00:32:03,022 --> 00:32:05,289 I had moves before I met you, John. 377 00:32:05,291 --> 00:32:07,958 I met you in high school. Yeah? 378 00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:09,359 You were a stripper in eighth grade? 379 00:32:10,929 --> 00:32:12,296 Ow. 380 00:32:12,298 --> 00:32:15,032 Read your mind to save your life 381 00:32:15,034 --> 00:32:17,134 bye 382 00:32:20,405 --> 00:32:24,107 Happened so fast 383 00:32:24,109 --> 00:32:26,076 hands all over your face 384 00:32:26,078 --> 00:32:28,345 you ready for me? 385 00:32:29,415 --> 00:32:31,181 Oh, my God. 386 00:32:32,083 --> 00:32:33,684 Ow. 387 00:32:33,686 --> 00:32:35,285 Whoa. 388 00:32:35,287 --> 00:32:39,156 Wait, wait, wait. No, no, no, no, no. 389 00:32:42,126 --> 00:32:46,096 Baby, when we go inside... 390 00:32:47,231 --> 00:32:48,665 Will you be nice to my mom? 391 00:32:50,201 --> 00:32:53,070 Because she's always so nice to me. 392 00:32:55,106 --> 00:32:57,207 - Be nice, okay? - Hey, Trudy. 393 00:32:57,209 --> 00:33:00,177 - You look great. - Oh, God. 394 00:33:00,179 --> 00:33:02,512 Hi, mom. How are you? 395 00:33:04,615 --> 00:33:07,684 We are just so excited that you both could join us... 396 00:33:07,686 --> 00:33:11,688 For our mostly vegan feast. 397 00:33:11,690 --> 00:33:13,523 - Mostly. - Thank you so much, sis. 398 00:33:13,525 --> 00:33:16,560 - Yummy. - So, John, are you still with the same company? 399 00:33:16,562 --> 00:33:21,598 Actually, no. I'm not. We switched to private investing. 400 00:33:21,600 --> 00:33:23,133 Looks like you're doin' all right. 401 00:33:23,135 --> 00:33:26,703 - And you, Joe? - Still non-profits. 402 00:33:26,705 --> 00:33:30,640 Right now I'm working on a huge campaign for the stock island tree snails. 403 00:33:30,642 --> 00:33:33,276 - Tree snails. - Yup. 404 00:33:33,278 --> 00:33:37,180 Delicious with butter. 405 00:33:37,182 --> 00:33:39,149 We have a lot of snails and flower fairies in our garden. 406 00:33:39,151 --> 00:33:41,084 Yes, we do. 407 00:33:41,086 --> 00:33:42,753 Oh, yeah? Do you like magic? 408 00:33:42,755 --> 00:33:45,055 - Yeah. - John. 409 00:33:45,057 --> 00:33:48,158 If no one is going to ask... 410 00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:52,062 How have you gotten so far on the paycheck of a pesky goddamn telemarketer? 411 00:33:52,064 --> 00:33:54,331 We actually made it big on an investment, mom. 412 00:33:54,333 --> 00:33:58,402 - What investment? - Oatmeal futures. Sexy shit. 413 00:33:58,404 --> 00:34:00,570 If he's pimping you out, I want you to come home with me right now. 414 00:34:02,574 --> 00:34:06,610 Yeah, why aren't you out on the street turning tricks? 415 00:34:06,612 --> 00:34:08,412 You little... Slut. 416 00:34:08,414 --> 00:34:10,447 I tell you what. Let's just have a pleasant dinner... 417 00:34:10,449 --> 00:34:12,382 Minus the language please. 418 00:34:12,384 --> 00:34:15,752 I'm a white pimp in the suburbs. That's how we talk. Legit. 419 00:34:15,754 --> 00:34:18,355 I want answers! Actually, 420 00:34:18,357 --> 00:34:21,525 We're selling Alice's eggs to sterile mothers. 421 00:34:21,527 --> 00:34:26,229 It's beneficial for everybody. Cage free, farm fresh. 422 00:34:26,231 --> 00:34:28,231 But are they organic? 423 00:34:29,300 --> 00:34:30,834 Eggs. 424 00:34:31,569 --> 00:34:34,071 So, Alice, 425 00:34:34,073 --> 00:34:38,542 Have you and John put any thought into having a b-a-b-y? 426 00:34:38,544 --> 00:34:40,710 Mmm. 427 00:34:40,712 --> 00:34:43,313 Why is that funny? 428 00:34:43,315 --> 00:34:45,082 Because that's what you're supposed to do next, right? 429 00:34:45,084 --> 00:34:47,350 Have a baby? Well, of course. 430 00:34:47,352 --> 00:34:53,323 Why would I want an organism growing exponentially inside of my body... 431 00:34:53,325 --> 00:34:57,627 And then ripping its way out of my tight, sweet, fresh, 432 00:34:57,629 --> 00:35:00,797 Young, undamaged v-a-g-I-n-a? 433 00:35:00,799 --> 00:35:04,668 Alice, you are the only one in our family who hasn't reproduced. 434 00:35:04,670 --> 00:35:07,170 Having a child... 435 00:35:07,172 --> 00:35:11,641 It's like the essence of your soul is reflected back at you. 436 00:35:11,643 --> 00:35:16,480 It is like God holding up a mirror to your soul... 437 00:35:16,482 --> 00:35:19,516 Saying "shazam" and enjoy. 438 00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:24,654 Maybe I should've just gotten knocked up in senior year like you. 439 00:35:24,656 --> 00:35:28,258 Well, summer after senior year. 440 00:35:28,260 --> 00:35:31,795 Mmm. Oh, yeah. That's right. 441 00:35:31,797 --> 00:35:34,164 I'd forgotten. 442 00:35:34,166 --> 00:35:37,634 Have you tried the 12-bean salad? Mmm. 443 00:35:37,636 --> 00:35:40,203 - Time to meet the sidewalk! - Come on. 444 00:35:40,205 --> 00:35:42,706 Come on! 445 00:35:42,708 --> 00:35:46,309 Baby, we are officially out of debt. 446 00:35:46,311 --> 00:35:51,481 Well, isn't that good news? Wow, so that means we'll be at a million before Christmas. 447 00:35:51,483 --> 00:35:53,550 What's the rush? Oh. 448 00:35:53,552 --> 00:35:56,520 Don't we want a few of life's necessities? Mmm. 449 00:35:56,522 --> 00:35:58,755 Some of the things we've gone without? Mm-hmm. Such as? 450 00:35:58,757 --> 00:36:01,558 I want lots of new clothes. 451 00:36:02,627 --> 00:36:06,196 Vodka. I want my own vodka label. 452 00:36:06,198 --> 00:36:07,364 Premium shit. 453 00:36:07,366 --> 00:36:09,866 Okay. 454 00:36:14,339 --> 00:36:16,540 Who the hell is that? 455 00:36:17,709 --> 00:36:19,242 Coming! 456 00:36:21,412 --> 00:36:23,180 Coming! 457 00:36:28,186 --> 00:36:29,252 Shabbat shalom. 458 00:36:29,254 --> 00:36:30,754 I'm sorry, guys. We're not religious. 459 00:36:32,390 --> 00:36:36,393 Oh, my God! Baby! Baby, no! 460 00:36:36,395 --> 00:36:39,696 Oh, baby, no. 461 00:36:39,698 --> 00:36:42,699 Oh, baby! 462 00:36:43,634 --> 00:36:46,236 Hey! 463 00:36:48,339 --> 00:36:51,341 - Where is the teapot? - Teapot? 464 00:36:51,343 --> 00:36:52,876 Ow! 465 00:36:52,878 --> 00:36:55,579 - Ow! - The one you had on the television. 466 00:36:55,581 --> 00:36:57,781 It's a precious family heirloom. 467 00:36:57,783 --> 00:37:03,853 Our grandmother risked her life to save that teapot during the holocaust. 468 00:37:03,855 --> 00:37:06,790 - I bought it from the old lady. She gave me a really good deal. - Impossible. 469 00:37:14,732 --> 00:37:17,968 It was the last thing she talked about before she passed. 470 00:37:17,970 --> 00:37:21,338 She said her teapot was missing. 471 00:37:21,340 --> 00:37:21,938 She died? 472 00:37:24,575 --> 00:37:25,308 Aah! 473 00:37:26,777 --> 00:37:28,011 Where is it? 474 00:37:28,013 --> 00:37:31,681 We sold it! We sold the teapot. 475 00:37:31,683 --> 00:37:34,584 So where's the cash? We want the money! 476 00:37:34,586 --> 00:37:38,688 Stop it! 477 00:37:38,690 --> 00:37:41,958 Please stop. It's just five grand, and you can keep the change. 478 00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:43,927 Where did all this come from? From my bra. 479 00:37:43,929 --> 00:37:46,429 - It's the rainy day fund. - Is there more? 480 00:37:46,431 --> 00:37:47,964 No, no. Look. 481 00:37:47,966 --> 00:37:49,933 Oh. 482 00:37:55,439 --> 00:37:57,474 One bad deed for another, huh? 483 00:38:03,347 --> 00:38:06,983 Oh, baby. Are you okay? I'm so, so, so sorry. 484 00:38:06,985 --> 00:38:10,053 Is anything broken? Ow. 485 00:38:10,055 --> 00:38:12,956 We have to find out what the hell this thing is. Okay. 486 00:38:20,331 --> 00:38:24,901 Ce30, period, 415g, period. 487 00:38:24,903 --> 00:38:27,304 Wait. Wait. 488 00:38:29,073 --> 00:38:33,043 A practical history of magical objects and potions. 489 00:38:33,045 --> 00:38:35,979 It's the biggest book I've ever seen in my entire life. 490 00:38:37,315 --> 00:38:39,949 The legend of the brass teapot. 491 00:38:39,951 --> 00:38:41,384 Wow. 492 00:38:43,621 --> 00:38:46,489 The legend of the brass teapot first appeared in folklore... 493 00:38:46,491 --> 00:38:49,526 Around the time of Christ’s crucifixion. 494 00:38:49,528 --> 00:38:51,828 That's what the scholar at the roadshow said, 495 00:38:51,830 --> 00:38:53,997 That it was probably from first or second century. 496 00:38:53,999 --> 00:38:57,400 It also says... 497 00:38:57,402 --> 00:39:01,838 That the teapot possesses extraordinary and inexplicable powers. 498 00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:04,007 - Well, that's one way of putting it. - Right? 499 00:39:06,811 --> 00:39:10,513 It's like it just goes on forever and ever and ever. 500 00:39:10,515 --> 00:39:12,882 Oh, my God. 501 00:39:14,618 --> 00:39:15,719 Oh, here, here. I have one. 502 00:39:15,721 --> 00:39:17,587 Oh, whoopsie. 503 00:39:22,727 --> 00:39:25,628 - Shh. - Shh! 504 00:39:25,630 --> 00:39:27,097 There's no one else here. 505 00:39:27,099 --> 00:39:29,733 This book just goes on and on and on. 506 00:39:29,735 --> 00:39:31,968 All these different temples and religions. Let me see. 507 00:39:34,138 --> 00:39:38,842 "Bhardwaj warned that those associated with ownership of the teapot... 508 00:39:38,844 --> 00:39:41,077 Were in for unsavory consequences, 509 00:39:43,381 --> 00:39:44,814 including.." 510 00:39:49,086 --> 00:39:52,622 No! Somebody ripped out the page. 511 00:39:52,624 --> 00:39:56,526 - What? - Why would somebody rip out the page? 512 00:39:56,528 --> 00:39:59,529 No! What do you think "unsavory consequences" mean? 513 00:39:59,531 --> 00:40:03,700 I don't know. But it's a really old book, you know? 514 00:40:03,702 --> 00:40:07,103 And we're probably not gonna learn that much more from it right now. 515 00:40:07,105 --> 00:40:09,873 I think we should go have fun. I think we should go spend our money. 516 00:40:09,875 --> 00:40:11,875 Can you look at my face for a second? 517 00:40:11,877 --> 00:40:16,646 Two Hasidic jewish men came and beat the shit out of me in my own house... 518 00:40:16,648 --> 00:40:18,481 When I was wearing a silk, pink robe. 519 00:40:20,651 --> 00:40:23,186 Don't gimme that face right now. 520 00:40:23,188 --> 00:40:25,655 You ever have sex in a library? 521 00:40:25,657 --> 00:40:28,458 - What? - Go fuck a headphone 522 00:40:45,443 --> 00:40:50,480 We got a time bomb we got a time bomb we got a time bomb 523 00:40:50,482 --> 00:40:51,948 na, na, na, na 524 00:40:51,950 --> 00:40:54,951 time bomb tickin' time bomb tickin' 525 00:40:54,953 --> 00:40:57,053 got a time bomb tickin', go 526 00:40:58,757 --> 00:41:00,757 We're going sideways highways 527 00:41:00,759 --> 00:41:04,027 riding on an elevator cold just like an alligator 528 00:41:04,029 --> 00:41:05,562 now my baby's out of date 529 00:41:05,564 --> 00:41:07,564 fighting and lightning and tightening 530 00:41:07,566 --> 00:41:10,700 above the buckles on an atom bomb's time bomb 531 00:41:10,702 --> 00:41:11,901 tickin', tick tick tick 532 00:41:24,915 --> 00:41:27,050 Canape? Oh, no, thank you. 533 00:41:27,052 --> 00:41:28,785 Guys? Canape? No, I'm allergic. 534 00:41:28,787 --> 00:41:30,987 Hi, neighbor! Hi. 535 00:41:30,989 --> 00:41:32,755 You look gorgeous. 536 00:41:32,757 --> 00:41:36,159 When you said the place next to ours, 537 00:41:36,161 --> 00:41:39,028 I thought you meant up the street, not this place! 538 00:41:39,030 --> 00:41:42,031 How did this happen? 539 00:41:42,033 --> 00:41:45,969 Uh... um... 540 00:41:45,971 --> 00:41:48,238 Alice, hey. Hey. 541 00:41:48,240 --> 00:41:50,840 Hi. Hi. You look amazing. Hey. 542 00:41:50,842 --> 00:41:53,710 Thank you. You must have gotten your dream job. 543 00:41:53,712 --> 00:41:56,646 Dreams are for people who are sleeping, not doers. 544 00:41:57,781 --> 00:42:00,049 You could still dream, I guess. 545 00:42:04,189 --> 00:42:05,989 You like the sound of that? Yeah. 546 00:42:05,991 --> 00:42:08,558 Sounds nice, doesn't it? Sounds like they're really here. 547 00:42:08,560 --> 00:42:10,760 This is my, uh, favorite part of the house. 548 00:42:10,762 --> 00:42:13,596 Exclusive invite only. 549 00:42:13,598 --> 00:42:15,665 Try this on for size, huh? Really? 550 00:42:15,667 --> 00:42:17,600 To hard work. 551 00:42:19,905 --> 00:42:23,973 Ew. Ooh. It's a work in progress. 552 00:42:23,975 --> 00:42:26,976 Well, I have to go and show Payton something upstairs. 553 00:42:26,978 --> 00:42:29,746 - Okay. - Come on. Let's go. 554 00:42:29,748 --> 00:42:31,881 Okay. Yeah. See you around. 555 00:42:31,883 --> 00:42:33,283 Hello. 556 00:42:33,285 --> 00:42:35,985 Hi, I'm sorry. Were we being too loud? 557 00:42:35,987 --> 00:42:37,887 Dr. Li Ling. 558 00:42:39,990 --> 00:42:43,259 What is the theosophist society? 559 00:42:43,261 --> 00:42:47,130 We have interest in antiquities. Specifically teapots. 560 00:42:47,132 --> 00:42:50,300 I have come from china, John. May I enter? 561 00:42:50,302 --> 00:42:53,570 We can talk right here. 562 00:42:53,572 --> 00:42:54,637 Are you alone? 563 00:42:54,639 --> 00:42:56,039 Yes. 564 00:42:58,075 --> 00:43:02,011 I'm sorry. Can you just give us one moment just to talk amongst ourselves? 565 00:43:02,013 --> 00:43:03,580 Thank you. 566 00:43:03,582 --> 00:43:06,916 We should probably listen to what he has to say. 567 00:43:06,918 --> 00:43:09,652 Interest in teapots? Seriously? 568 00:43:12,156 --> 00:43:14,958 If he takes it, the party will end. 569 00:43:19,129 --> 00:43:23,132 Hi. Dr. Ling, I wish you would have called us sooner. 570 00:43:23,134 --> 00:43:25,602 We donated the teapot to a museum. 571 00:43:25,604 --> 00:43:26,869 Tax write-off. 572 00:43:26,871 --> 00:43:30,173 - We must talk. - We don't have it. 573 00:43:30,175 --> 00:43:34,344 You are in grave danger. You must listen to me before it is too late. 574 00:43:34,346 --> 00:43:37,814 Leave us alone and get off of our property! 575 00:43:43,154 --> 00:43:45,121 You buy girl scout cookies once... 576 00:43:47,725 --> 00:43:49,859 The best. They were the best. 577 00:43:49,861 --> 00:43:53,696 We were so close and then... we used to come here with Marcy and Dan. 578 00:43:53,698 --> 00:43:56,966 But they don't splurge since his dad went to prison for embezzlement. 579 00:43:59,738 --> 00:44:01,938 Well, we believe in splurging every once in a while. 580 00:44:01,940 --> 00:44:04,140 Don't we, baby? 581 00:44:04,142 --> 00:44:06,709 We're trapped in "splurgatory." 582 00:44:06,711 --> 00:44:09,379 So what sort of dog do you two have? 583 00:44:09,381 --> 00:44:12,315 I heard him howling last night. Sounds like a big fella. 584 00:44:12,317 --> 00:44:14,951 Oh, we don't have a dog. 585 00:44:14,953 --> 00:44:17,186 That was just some really violent sex. 586 00:44:19,023 --> 00:44:22,125 We used to have an australian shepherd. Casper. 587 00:44:22,127 --> 00:44:27,230 Beautiful, beautiful dog. Ran off last year. 588 00:44:27,232 --> 00:44:30,199 - I left the door open. - I'm not blaming you. 589 00:44:30,201 --> 00:44:31,401 Okay. 590 00:44:33,237 --> 00:44:35,304 Oh, let us get the bill. Yes, we insist. 591 00:44:35,306 --> 00:44:37,206 No, no, no. You guys paid last time. 592 00:44:37,208 --> 00:44:41,811 You sure, Alice? That wasn't boone's we were drinking. 593 00:44:46,050 --> 00:44:48,117 Holy shit. 594 00:44:48,119 --> 00:44:49,786 No wonder why it's so dark in this place. 595 00:44:49,788 --> 00:44:51,988 One of us needs to go to the bathroom, baby. 596 00:44:51,990 --> 00:44:54,691 We certainly do. 597 00:44:54,693 --> 00:44:57,293 - I went last time. - I went yesterday. 598 00:44:57,295 --> 00:45:01,230 Hmm. Fine. 599 00:45:01,232 --> 00:45:03,966 But you're going to the bathroom the next two times, okay? 600 00:45:03,968 --> 00:45:07,103 Okay. Excuse me. 601 00:45:08,372 --> 00:45:10,173 - John... - Yes, dear? 602 00:45:10,175 --> 00:45:11,774 Don't forget this. Oh. 603 00:45:13,377 --> 00:45:15,178 Thank you. 604 00:45:15,180 --> 00:45:17,180 Why does he need your bag? 605 00:45:18,282 --> 00:45:20,016 Hemorrhoid cream. 606 00:45:20,018 --> 00:45:24,187 Oh. Alice, that's T.M.I. Yes. 607 00:45:26,356 --> 00:45:29,192 Oh, no! 608 00:45:32,963 --> 00:45:35,064 When do the vodka profits start rolling in? 609 00:45:37,435 --> 00:45:39,368 What? Mmm. 610 00:45:43,273 --> 00:45:45,074 I might've misread the market... 611 00:45:46,243 --> 00:45:48,978 Pretty badly actually. 612 00:45:48,980 --> 00:45:53,916 It's okay. As long as we've got the teapot, everything's gonna be okay. 613 00:45:55,919 --> 00:45:59,455 Why do I get the feeling that, when the time comes, 614 00:45:59,457 --> 00:46:01,958 I'm going to have to cut off one of your stubby little fingers... 615 00:46:01,960 --> 00:46:04,393 To throw this thing into mount doom? 616 00:46:04,395 --> 00:46:05,928 What? 617 00:46:05,930 --> 00:46:08,131 It's a literary reference. 618 00:46:08,133 --> 00:46:10,533 Lord of the rings is not literature. 619 00:46:10,535 --> 00:46:12,401 It certainly is. 620 00:46:12,403 --> 00:46:15,772 God, you're such a geek. Ow. 621 00:46:15,774 --> 00:46:17,473 Oh, you're such a slut. 622 00:46:17,475 --> 00:46:18,941 Hey. 623 00:46:18,943 --> 00:46:22,945 I'm a slut? Ow! Jesus Christ. 624 00:46:22,947 --> 00:46:25,081 Not now, please. Ow. 625 00:46:26,984 --> 00:46:29,852 Ow! Geez. That's enough. Stop. 626 00:46:31,488 --> 00:46:33,456 I think you, like, splintered my tibia or something. 627 00:46:35,827 --> 00:46:38,127 Who is that? I don't know. 628 00:46:40,097 --> 00:46:41,164 Could've helped you. 629 00:46:44,067 --> 00:46:47,136 Hey, hey! Whoo! Whoo! 630 00:46:47,138 --> 00:46:49,205 - It's a party! - Holy shit! 631 00:46:49,207 --> 00:46:51,808 - What are you doing here? - This is awesome! 632 00:46:51,810 --> 00:46:53,476 - What are you doing here, Arnie? - Wow! 633 00:46:53,478 --> 00:46:55,812 I was wondering, 634 00:46:55,814 --> 00:47:00,082 Why the hell are you beating the crap out of each other and laughing about it? 635 00:47:01,118 --> 00:47:03,286 She hit me first. Mmm. 636 00:47:03,288 --> 00:47:07,323 That's one question. Dos question. 637 00:47:07,325 --> 00:47:12,995 How are the world's two biggest losers livin' in this neighborhood? 638 00:47:12,997 --> 00:47:15,097 You are wasted, Arnie, and I think you should go home. 639 00:47:15,099 --> 00:47:17,967 You can't wait for me to go, can you? 640 00:47:17,969 --> 00:47:20,169 Well, I think it's a little late to just drop by. 641 00:47:20,171 --> 00:47:22,538 Really. Hold that. 642 00:47:22,540 --> 00:47:24,841 - No! Arnie! - Still want me to go? 643 00:47:24,843 --> 00:47:26,909 - Don't touch that, Arnie! - Arnie! Arnie! 644 00:47:26,911 --> 00:47:29,846 Just give it to me. Please, please. 645 00:47:29,848 --> 00:47:31,180 Do what he says, Arnie! 646 00:47:31,182 --> 00:47:32,982 Give it to me! Please! 647 00:47:32,984 --> 00:47:36,285 No! Get him! Get him! Get him! 648 00:47:39,023 --> 00:47:42,425 Arnie! Arnie! Arnie! 649 00:47:42,427 --> 00:47:44,327 Arnie, bring your ass back here! 650 00:47:44,329 --> 00:47:48,231 Arnie, please give us our teapot! Arnie! 651 00:47:48,233 --> 00:47:50,867 Please give me back my teapot, Arnie! 652 00:47:50,869 --> 00:47:53,202 - Why do you even care about this thing so much? - Because we like it. 653 00:47:53,204 --> 00:47:54,637 This is what we look like when we like something. 654 00:47:54,639 --> 00:47:57,173 Oh. God, Alice. 655 00:47:57,175 --> 00:48:00,476 You used to be so hot in high school, 656 00:48:00,478 --> 00:48:03,045 And then this guy turned you into some weird freak-o. 657 00:48:03,647 --> 00:48:05,114 Freak-o? 658 00:48:05,116 --> 00:48:07,516 - You're not better than me. - No. 659 00:48:07,518 --> 00:48:10,920 - Remember that. - Course not, Arnie. Look at your truck. 660 00:48:10,922 --> 00:48:14,924 Yeah, I know. 661 00:48:14,926 --> 00:48:18,427 Hey, John, remember when you tried out for football? 662 00:48:18,429 --> 00:48:19,395 And you sucked? 663 00:48:21,498 --> 00:48:24,066 - Go long. - Yeah! Yeah. 664 00:48:24,068 --> 00:48:26,435 - Down! - No, no, no! No, Arnie! 665 00:48:26,437 --> 00:48:28,204 - Set! - No, no! Don't throw that! 666 00:48:28,206 --> 00:48:30,406 Hike! 667 00:48:30,408 --> 00:48:32,341 Arnie, please be careful! No! 668 00:48:32,343 --> 00:48:33,910 Arnie! 669 00:48:36,013 --> 00:48:37,446 Arnie! 670 00:48:37,448 --> 00:48:40,116 Arnie! Arnie, don't do it! Arnie! 671 00:48:42,552 --> 00:48:44,387 Whoo! Arnie! 672 00:48:48,458 --> 00:48:51,527 - No! - Enough, Arnie! 673 00:48:51,529 --> 00:48:53,496 No. My teapot! 674 00:48:56,401 --> 00:48:59,268 No, my teapot. My... 675 00:49:10,580 --> 00:49:13,616 It's perfect. 676 00:49:13,618 --> 00:49:15,484 Not even a scratch. 677 00:49:17,087 --> 00:49:19,622 How is that possible? 678 00:49:19,624 --> 00:49:22,024 It's not possible. 679 00:49:22,026 --> 00:49:25,328 It... what the hell is this thing? 680 00:49:45,349 --> 00:49:48,050 Please, come in. 681 00:49:49,553 --> 00:49:54,390 That teapot has been around for 2,000 years. 682 00:49:54,392 --> 00:50:00,363 It has gone through the hands of some of the greatest and worst characters in history. 683 00:50:00,365 --> 00:50:06,635 Although we have not seen it since it disappeared from a nazi concentration camp in 1945. 684 00:50:06,637 --> 00:50:09,572 Our founder, Dr. A.K. Bhardwaj, 685 00:50:09,574 --> 00:50:13,309 Learned that in the wrong hands, it could cause great harm. 686 00:50:13,311 --> 00:50:19,281 If there is one ounce of evil or hatred in either one of you, 687 00:50:19,283 --> 00:50:21,650 The teapot will draw it out. 688 00:50:21,652 --> 00:50:24,787 We're in total control. We're good people. 689 00:50:24,789 --> 00:50:27,289 This is how it always starts. 690 00:50:27,291 --> 00:50:30,426 - John and I know our limits. - They all did. 691 00:50:30,428 --> 00:50:35,031 So, what do you suggest we do? 692 00:50:35,033 --> 00:50:37,299 Give it to me. 693 00:50:37,301 --> 00:50:40,469 Go back to your lives and pretend it never happened. 694 00:50:40,471 --> 00:50:42,104 I told you this was coming. 695 00:50:42,106 --> 00:50:43,739 I will rid the world of it. 696 00:50:43,741 --> 00:50:46,342 You can get rid of it? 697 00:50:46,344 --> 00:50:48,477 It cannot be destroyed. 698 00:50:48,479 --> 00:50:51,714 But it can be hidden in such a way... 699 00:50:51,716 --> 00:50:53,716 That no one will find it again. 700 00:50:53,718 --> 00:50:55,551 Ever. 701 00:50:55,553 --> 00:50:59,121 No. Absolutely not. We are keeping it, John. 702 00:50:59,123 --> 00:51:02,058 Why are we better than the people who had it before us? 703 00:51:02,060 --> 00:51:04,693 It's a magic teapot, 704 00:51:04,695 --> 00:51:06,629 Not an atomic bomb. 705 00:51:08,132 --> 00:51:11,167 I didn't believe that guy. I don't trust him. 706 00:51:11,169 --> 00:51:15,438 He wants it for himself... Or maybe even North Korea. 707 00:51:15,440 --> 00:51:17,640 Did you even think about that? 708 00:51:17,642 --> 00:51:19,141 Hey. 709 00:51:21,278 --> 00:51:24,113 We're John and Alice Macy. 710 00:51:25,382 --> 00:51:27,650 We're the salt of the earth. 711 00:51:27,652 --> 00:51:29,852 Frickin' good guys. 712 00:51:31,154 --> 00:51:33,556 It's not gonna get out of hand, okay? 713 00:51:40,697 --> 00:51:44,700 I'm so annoyed you went skiing and didn't even invite me. 714 00:51:44,702 --> 00:51:46,635 I'm sorry. 715 00:51:46,637 --> 00:51:49,505 You know, it was Switzerland, last minute. 716 00:51:49,507 --> 00:51:50,573 Yeah. 717 00:51:50,575 --> 00:51:52,141 Oh, Mr. Smoothie! 718 00:51:52,143 --> 00:51:54,410 I love Mr. Smoothie! 719 00:51:54,412 --> 00:51:55,811 That's so childish, right? 720 00:51:55,813 --> 00:51:58,147 No. It's like mall gourmet. 721 00:51:58,149 --> 00:51:59,748 I know. 722 00:51:59,750 --> 00:52:01,684 Hello! 723 00:52:01,686 --> 00:52:03,152 Hello? 724 00:52:03,154 --> 00:52:05,554 Hello. 725 00:52:05,556 --> 00:52:08,190 You can never get anyone to serve you in these places. 726 00:52:10,327 --> 00:52:12,161 Oh. 727 00:52:12,163 --> 00:52:14,797 I, uh, ducked when I saw you guys coming... 728 00:52:14,799 --> 00:52:16,398 So we could avoid this. 729 00:52:19,302 --> 00:52:21,237 What happened to you? 730 00:52:21,239 --> 00:52:24,540 Uh... I had a skiing accident. 731 00:52:24,542 --> 00:52:26,475 It's a tough life. 732 00:52:27,511 --> 00:52:29,545 What are you doing here, Louise? 733 00:52:29,547 --> 00:52:34,216 What am I doing here? Um, it's a second job, you know. 734 00:52:34,218 --> 00:52:36,318 And I save money because I get to eat smoothies all day. 735 00:52:36,320 --> 00:52:38,220 I have a chronic brain freeze. 736 00:52:39,623 --> 00:52:41,357 Bit of advice, Louise? 737 00:52:41,359 --> 00:52:42,458 Yeah. 738 00:52:42,460 --> 00:52:45,261 Don't eat the merchandise. 739 00:52:45,263 --> 00:52:46,629 Make it a treat. 740 00:52:47,864 --> 00:52:51,700 Um, could I get a nonfat yogurt smoothie... 741 00:52:51,702 --> 00:52:53,435 With maraschino cherries? 742 00:52:53,437 --> 00:52:55,804 Why not? 743 00:52:55,806 --> 00:52:57,740 So, you want the same thing, right? Yeah. 744 00:52:59,509 --> 00:53:01,944 - Dos. - You ladies are in luck... 745 00:53:01,946 --> 00:53:04,413 Because we're having a two-faced special today. 746 00:53:24,801 --> 00:53:26,268 John. 747 00:53:27,637 --> 00:53:29,772 John, there's someone breaking in. 748 00:53:30,974 --> 00:53:32,875 There's someone breaking into the house. 749 00:53:33,810 --> 00:53:35,311 Huh? 750 00:53:35,313 --> 00:53:37,880 Yeah. Bet it's 50 ninjas. 751 00:53:37,882 --> 00:53:40,349 Good night. Are you serious? 752 00:53:40,351 --> 00:53:41,917 Do you not hear that? 753 00:53:41,919 --> 00:53:43,652 They're coming upstairs. 754 00:53:45,222 --> 00:53:47,423 Come on. Come on. 755 00:53:48,291 --> 00:53:49,658 Come on. 756 00:53:50,627 --> 00:53:52,761 Shh, shh. 757 00:53:52,763 --> 00:53:55,364 Amateurs. 758 00:53:55,366 --> 00:53:57,333 They hid it in the bathroom. You found it. 759 00:53:58,868 --> 00:54:01,670 It's the brothers again. What do we do? 760 00:54:01,672 --> 00:54:04,273 They're taking my money. Shh. Our money. 761 00:54:06,643 --> 00:54:09,511 No. I'm not going out there. 762 00:54:09,513 --> 00:54:11,013 Alice! Alice! Go! 763 00:54:13,951 --> 00:54:16,285 What are you going to do, tough guy? 764 00:54:19,489 --> 00:54:20,556 Oh. 765 00:54:20,558 --> 00:54:21,657 Back off. 766 00:54:21,659 --> 00:54:23,292 Tiny underwear. 767 00:54:23,294 --> 00:54:25,461 Did you shave the top of your thighs? 768 00:54:30,433 --> 00:54:32,401 Alice, get back inside. 769 00:54:38,875 --> 00:54:41,310 Would it have made any difference if we'd warned you? 770 00:54:41,312 --> 00:54:44,346 You knew we had the teapot the whole time? 771 00:54:44,348 --> 00:54:46,615 You were creating our rightful inheritance. 772 00:54:46,617 --> 00:54:51,453 So we'll just take the cash, and you can keep that beast. 773 00:54:51,455 --> 00:54:52,921 You don't even want the teapot? 774 00:54:52,923 --> 00:54:55,357 If you're smart, you'll get rid of it before it's too late. 775 00:54:55,359 --> 00:54:57,459 Bubby waited too long. 776 00:54:57,461 --> 00:55:01,063 A woman of her age, she should have been relaxing, playing mahjongg or something. 777 00:55:01,065 --> 00:55:05,034 Instead she was out every night sawing off stop signs, hoping for the worst. 778 00:55:05,036 --> 00:55:06,735 Wha... 779 00:55:06,737 --> 00:55:09,004 Don't say we didn't warn you. 780 00:55:10,340 --> 00:55:13,042 - No one leaves! - Take it easy now, huh? 781 00:55:13,044 --> 00:55:16,412 Take it easy? That is my money! 782 00:55:16,414 --> 00:55:18,514 Mine! 783 00:55:21,319 --> 00:55:22,551 Oh! 784 00:55:24,488 --> 00:55:26,822 No, baby! 785 00:55:26,824 --> 00:55:29,692 - No. Don't touch it. - Oh, my God. 786 00:55:30,827 --> 00:55:32,494 Wait! Where are you going? 787 00:55:32,496 --> 00:55:34,697 Give that to me. That's mine! Come on! Now! 788 00:55:34,699 --> 00:55:37,066 That is my money! 789 00:55:37,068 --> 00:55:39,902 - Give that... - What are you doing? 790 00:55:39,904 --> 00:55:42,004 Give that to me! Come on! 791 00:55:42,006 --> 00:55:44,006 It's my money! 792 00:56:12,736 --> 00:56:13,969 Alice. 793 00:56:15,071 --> 00:56:17,139 Alice? 794 00:56:17,141 --> 00:56:19,108 Alice. 795 00:56:19,976 --> 00:56:21,543 Are you okay? 796 00:56:22,645 --> 00:56:25,981 Baby... they took everything! 797 00:56:25,983 --> 00:56:29,051 Why didn't you stop them? 798 00:56:46,569 --> 00:56:48,170 Seriously? 799 00:56:52,609 --> 00:56:54,076 Hi, honey. 800 00:56:54,078 --> 00:56:56,145 We need to talk about your lawn. 801 00:56:56,147 --> 00:56:58,414 Now, the block council sent three letters, 802 00:56:58,416 --> 00:57:00,916 And everyone has been talking about it. 803 00:57:00,918 --> 00:57:02,851 The gardener didn't show. 804 00:57:05,990 --> 00:57:08,557 It's my office. I have to take it. 805 00:57:08,559 --> 00:57:10,959 So you'll take care of this, right? Of course. 806 00:57:10,961 --> 00:57:12,995 Great. Hey, mar. 807 00:57:14,898 --> 00:57:16,732 Oh, great. 808 00:57:18,568 --> 00:57:19,868 Bitch. 809 00:57:19,870 --> 00:57:22,070 We need to get to work. 810 00:57:22,072 --> 00:57:23,972 I have been working since 7:00. 811 00:57:28,778 --> 00:57:30,512 Is it still, uh... 812 00:57:30,514 --> 00:57:32,948 Less today than it was before? 813 00:57:32,950 --> 00:57:35,818 Yeah. It's only fives and ones. 814 00:57:35,820 --> 00:57:38,454 The teapot doesn't like paying like it used to. 815 00:57:47,497 --> 00:57:48,864 I... 816 00:57:50,800 --> 00:57:52,568 We need help. 817 00:57:52,570 --> 00:57:55,003 Living's for the living 818 00:57:55,005 --> 00:57:57,172 dying's for the dead 819 00:57:57,174 --> 00:58:00,209 I'll tell you right now 820 00:58:00,211 --> 00:58:03,145 How's it going? 821 00:58:03,147 --> 00:58:07,249 Who's the toughest, meanest, baddest motherfucker in this place right now? 822 00:58:07,251 --> 00:58:08,984 Big fella back there. 823 00:58:10,119 --> 00:58:12,488 He just got out of prison for murder. 824 00:58:12,490 --> 00:58:13,589 Huh. 825 00:58:14,257 --> 00:58:15,757 Two whiskey shots, please. 826 00:58:26,769 --> 00:58:29,905 I'm telling you how it is 827 00:58:29,907 --> 00:58:32,941 Call 911. Hey, babe, wait. 828 00:58:32,943 --> 00:58:34,810 Don't forget that. 829 00:58:34,812 --> 00:58:36,211 Right. 830 00:58:42,920 --> 00:58:46,221 Been ridin' with the devil 831 00:58:46,223 --> 00:58:48,657 been such a long time 832 00:58:48,659 --> 00:58:50,192 You are cute. 833 00:58:50,194 --> 00:58:52,294 Oh! Oh! 834 00:58:52,296 --> 00:58:54,062 Whoa! 835 00:58:54,064 --> 00:58:56,265 Whoa! 836 00:59:19,557 --> 00:59:21,123 Heavy flow day, John? 837 00:59:25,328 --> 00:59:27,296 You know, it... 838 00:59:28,698 --> 00:59:30,132 Hello, John. 839 00:59:30,134 --> 00:59:33,135 Jesus Christ! Whoa. 840 00:59:34,337 --> 00:59:36,071 Hi. 841 00:59:36,906 --> 00:59:38,874 You don't look so good. 842 00:59:38,876 --> 00:59:41,677 Feel like a million bucks. You are changing. 843 00:59:41,679 --> 00:59:45,080 The teapot is consuming you and your wife. 844 00:59:45,082 --> 00:59:49,318 Trust me. Your whole life will be destroyed by this object. 845 00:59:49,320 --> 00:59:53,121 You will have nothing left. What then? 846 01:00:04,334 --> 01:00:07,135 Charles graves. Hey! 847 01:00:07,137 --> 01:00:10,639 Got time for an old pal? Barely. 848 01:00:10,641 --> 01:00:12,941 Got you working pretty hard here, huh? Yeah. 849 01:00:12,943 --> 01:00:15,811 Pulling 60-hour weeks so Louise can go back to school. 850 01:00:15,813 --> 01:00:17,212 But, uh... Jesus. 851 01:00:17,214 --> 01:00:20,749 How's things on easy street? You'd be surprised. 852 01:00:20,751 --> 01:00:22,384 What happened? Did good luck finally run out? 853 01:00:22,386 --> 01:00:24,353 Well, 854 01:00:24,355 --> 01:00:27,623 It's not so much bad luck as it is just... 855 01:00:27,625 --> 01:00:30,025 What the hell happened to your face? Your eye is, like, hanging out. 856 01:00:30,027 --> 01:00:32,327 I'm fine. What is going on with you, man? 857 01:00:32,329 --> 01:00:34,329 I'm your best friend. I haven't seen you in forever. 858 01:00:34,331 --> 01:00:36,365 You show up looking like the phantom of the opera. 859 01:00:36,367 --> 01:00:38,867 What the hell is going on here? Chuck, I would... 860 01:00:38,869 --> 01:00:42,237 I would tell you everything in a second, 861 01:00:42,239 --> 01:00:44,806 But I just... I just know for a fact... 862 01:00:44,808 --> 01:00:47,009 That you'd never ever believe me, and... 863 01:00:47,011 --> 01:00:49,211 Whatever it is that's going on, it doesn't matter. 864 01:00:49,213 --> 01:00:52,014 It's not worth it. Do me a favor. 865 01:00:52,016 --> 01:00:55,183 Relax for a minute and remember what's important, okay? 866 01:00:55,185 --> 01:00:57,185 Look, if you need a job or something, you can work here. 867 01:00:57,187 --> 01:00:59,655 It pays shit, but at least the benefits are... 868 01:00:59,657 --> 01:01:01,156 No, there's no benefits. 869 01:01:02,191 --> 01:01:04,226 Yo, James, Ollie off the curb! 870 01:01:04,228 --> 01:01:05,994 Yeah, but I got it. 871 01:01:05,996 --> 01:01:08,864 Oh, my leg. Ow! 872 01:01:10,401 --> 01:01:12,701 All right, let me do it again. 873 01:01:12,703 --> 01:01:14,269 That one hurt. 874 01:01:22,945 --> 01:01:25,147 That is not grown-up behavior. 875 01:01:37,093 --> 01:01:39,261 What are you doing, baby? 876 01:01:39,263 --> 01:01:41,363 Let me ask you a question. 877 01:01:41,365 --> 01:01:44,800 Why am I gonna end up like Muhammad Ali? 878 01:01:44,802 --> 01:01:46,935 Just so we could have a good credit score? 879 01:01:46,937 --> 01:01:49,404 Stop being such a baby. 880 01:01:49,406 --> 01:01:51,406 Move over. I'm about to do my laps. 881 01:01:51,408 --> 01:01:52,974 Wait, baby. 882 01:01:55,144 --> 01:01:58,447 Jesus Christ. What, did you get shot? 883 01:01:58,449 --> 01:02:00,415 I'm fine. 884 01:02:01,951 --> 01:02:04,219 Who isn't fine? 885 01:02:04,221 --> 01:02:06,755 Skateboarder. 886 01:02:09,959 --> 01:02:11,827 Ohh! Yeah! Come on! 887 01:02:13,196 --> 01:02:16,131 Come on! Tear that pussy apart! Yeah! 888 01:02:32,014 --> 01:02:33,915 Okay, you're doing good. 889 01:02:33,917 --> 01:02:36,451 Push! 890 01:02:36,453 --> 01:02:38,420 That's good. Come on! Push! 891 01:02:38,422 --> 01:02:42,023 Security. Who the hell are you? Goddamn it! Oh! 892 01:02:42,025 --> 01:02:43,425 Oh, wow. 893 01:02:55,138 --> 01:02:58,540 Where else is there awful, horrible pain, John? 894 01:02:58,542 --> 01:03:02,043 Alice, I wanna go home. I'm done. No. No. 895 01:03:02,045 --> 01:03:05,947 We have to keep going. I feel energized. 896 01:03:05,949 --> 01:03:08,150 Ever since I first touched it, you know, 897 01:03:08,152 --> 01:03:11,119 Everything's... Louder. 898 01:03:13,055 --> 01:03:16,958 I never wanna lose this feeling. 899 01:03:18,895 --> 01:03:20,195 There's so much hurt out there. 900 01:03:21,297 --> 01:03:23,398 Alice. Alice! 901 01:03:23,400 --> 01:03:25,367 Such a nasty world that we live in. 902 01:03:26,869 --> 01:03:28,436 Alice! Alice! 903 01:03:28,438 --> 01:03:32,374 Hey! 904 01:03:32,376 --> 01:03:34,409 What are you doing? What the hell was that? 905 01:03:34,411 --> 01:03:36,845 He was crossing against the light. 906 01:03:36,847 --> 01:03:39,080 So we should kill him? I... 907 01:03:39,082 --> 01:03:42,250 Alice, we said we'd stop when it got out of hand. 908 01:03:42,252 --> 01:03:44,419 You're on the verge of vehicular homicide. 909 01:03:44,421 --> 01:03:48,490 Bearded maniacs are stealing money out of our toilets. I'd say it's out of hand. 910 01:03:48,492 --> 01:03:51,359 Goddamn it, John! 911 01:03:51,361 --> 01:03:53,428 I knew that this was gonna happen. I knew it. 912 01:03:53,430 --> 01:03:55,063 You... 913 01:03:55,065 --> 01:03:56,398 What? 914 01:03:56,400 --> 01:03:59,401 You can never go the distance with anything. 915 01:03:59,403 --> 01:04:02,003 You make all these big plans and promises, 916 01:04:02,005 --> 01:04:04,339 And you never even took me on a honeymoon. 917 01:04:04,341 --> 01:04:08,176 Well, I'm sorry. I've been working my ass off so you can get your degree. 918 01:04:08,178 --> 01:04:11,346 Well, for as hard as you work, you never get ahead. 919 01:04:11,348 --> 01:04:13,248 How is that possible? 920 01:04:13,250 --> 01:04:17,352 Well, maybe if I didn't have to support a wife who just sits at home... 921 01:04:17,354 --> 01:04:20,388 Thinking about how she should start at the top instead of at the bottom, 922 01:04:20,390 --> 01:04:22,858 Like the rest of the sane world... you know what? 923 01:04:24,328 --> 01:04:27,128 Screw you! Okay, you're gonna get out of the car? 924 01:04:27,130 --> 01:04:29,064 Yeah, I am. I hate you right now! 925 01:04:29,066 --> 01:04:31,132 Baby, get back in the car! I don't wanna be around you! 926 01:04:31,134 --> 01:04:33,368 No. I'm getting out of the car. Please come back. 927 01:04:33,370 --> 01:04:35,370 You're losing your mind. 928 01:04:35,372 --> 01:04:37,105 Watch out. Oh! 929 01:04:39,976 --> 01:04:41,543 Alice. 930 01:04:43,512 --> 01:04:44,980 You okay? 931 01:04:47,583 --> 01:04:49,417 I'm fine. 932 01:04:49,419 --> 01:04:52,254 Where did this come from? I don't know. 933 01:05:00,363 --> 01:05:03,164 I'm sorry for this in advance. 934 01:05:05,568 --> 01:05:07,936 Some men are destined to fail, John. 935 01:05:08,671 --> 01:05:11,673 And you're one of them. 936 01:05:11,675 --> 01:05:15,043 I think the lottery exists because of guys like you... 937 01:05:15,045 --> 01:05:18,013 Who know deep down luck is the only way... 938 01:05:18,015 --> 01:05:21,683 They're ever gonna overcome their spineless, clueless, 939 01:05:21,685 --> 01:05:24,152 Hopeless personalities. 940 01:05:26,088 --> 01:05:27,389 We both know... 941 01:05:29,058 --> 01:05:31,159 That I know... 942 01:05:31,161 --> 01:05:34,362 You know I am too good for you. 943 01:05:38,467 --> 01:05:39,668 Ouch. 944 01:05:56,686 --> 01:05:58,420 Okay. 945 01:05:59,522 --> 01:06:01,156 Now you do me. 946 01:06:03,426 --> 01:06:04,626 What? 947 01:06:04,628 --> 01:06:06,561 Hurt me, John. 948 01:06:06,563 --> 01:06:08,630 No. John. 949 01:06:08,632 --> 01:06:11,032 Hurt me. 950 01:06:12,702 --> 01:06:15,203 Don't do this here. 951 01:06:15,205 --> 01:06:18,139 It's psychological warfare. The teapot really likes it. 952 01:06:20,476 --> 01:06:22,377 Hey. What? 953 01:06:22,379 --> 01:06:24,179 You got secrets, right? 954 01:06:26,415 --> 01:06:28,717 Break my heart, baby. 955 01:06:32,254 --> 01:06:35,123 Uh-uh. I need a man, John. 956 01:06:42,331 --> 01:06:44,265 New year's eve. 957 01:06:45,101 --> 01:06:47,002 Four years ago. 958 01:06:50,172 --> 01:06:52,674 You were ignoring me at the party. 959 01:06:55,644 --> 01:06:58,013 And when the ball dropped, I grabbed Payton... 960 01:06:58,015 --> 01:07:00,148 And I kissed her face off. 961 01:07:05,054 --> 01:07:07,088 And I still think about it. 962 01:07:10,559 --> 01:07:13,194 Sometimes when I'm kissing you. 963 01:07:20,736 --> 01:07:23,405 Oh. 964 01:07:33,616 --> 01:07:36,317 That was a good one. 965 01:07:37,787 --> 01:07:39,421 Oh, no. 966 01:08:00,576 --> 01:08:02,644 Last spring, when we were drinking... 967 01:08:02,646 --> 01:08:04,646 And playing cards with my friends, 968 01:08:04,648 --> 01:08:07,248 The reason why I insisted that we left... 969 01:08:07,250 --> 01:08:10,752 When they started playing strip poker wasn't because I didn't feel well. 970 01:08:10,754 --> 01:08:12,487 Oh, no? 971 01:08:14,090 --> 01:08:16,157 Your flaccid penis is very small. 972 01:08:20,362 --> 01:08:25,233 Well, it's average size. You can look it up. 973 01:08:25,235 --> 01:08:26,601 I have. 974 01:08:41,383 --> 01:08:44,486 I still have the sex tape that I made with the girl that took my virginity. 975 01:08:47,690 --> 01:08:51,559 It's in a, uh, box labeled "Captain Ron," 976 01:08:51,561 --> 01:08:53,728 Next to top gun. 977 01:08:55,798 --> 01:08:58,566 I let Arnie go down on me. 978 01:09:00,636 --> 01:09:03,204 You what? 979 01:09:03,206 --> 01:09:06,407 Arnie? Arnie, as in landlord Arnie? 980 01:09:06,409 --> 01:09:08,810 It was three years ago, before we were married. 981 01:09:09,812 --> 01:09:14,482 Oh, my God! 982 01:09:20,389 --> 01:09:23,291 And you did nothing for him? 983 01:09:27,630 --> 01:09:28,897 I'm so sorry. 984 01:09:32,269 --> 01:09:33,868 What? 985 01:09:33,870 --> 01:09:35,403 Arnie? 986 01:09:59,662 --> 01:10:01,729 What do you want? Oh, nothing. 987 01:10:01,731 --> 01:10:03,865 I've just come to saw your dick off. 988 01:10:03,867 --> 01:10:05,867 Hi. Hey, guys. Hey, Alice. 989 01:10:05,869 --> 01:10:07,602 You must be Brandi. 990 01:10:07,604 --> 01:10:09,437 Mm-hmm. We haven't been formally introduced. 991 01:10:09,439 --> 01:10:11,873 My name's John. I screw Alice... 992 01:10:11,875 --> 01:10:15,376 Who apparently... Blows Arnie... 993 01:10:15,378 --> 01:10:18,713 Who I assume rides you like a big gorilla. 994 01:10:18,715 --> 01:10:21,649 I will fucking punch you in the neck! Hey, this is bullshit! 995 01:10:21,651 --> 01:10:24,385 Stop! Now, listen, you got all this money, 996 01:10:24,387 --> 01:10:26,421 You think you can come here and talk to me like this? 997 01:10:26,423 --> 01:10:28,723 Uh, yeah. 998 01:10:30,594 --> 01:10:31,893 Oh! 999 01:10:31,895 --> 01:10:34,696 Baby, hey. You okay? 1000 01:10:34,698 --> 01:10:37,265 Yeah. Yeah. I'm fine. 1001 01:10:37,267 --> 01:10:39,000 This piece of shit should be broken. 1002 01:10:39,002 --> 01:10:40,702 Slowly. 1003 01:10:40,704 --> 01:10:43,805 Careful. 1004 01:10:43,807 --> 01:10:45,340 Oh! Ow! Oh, no! 1005 01:10:48,577 --> 01:10:50,812 Hey, that's mine. 1006 01:10:50,814 --> 01:10:52,914 Hey, Arnie. 1007 01:10:52,916 --> 01:10:55,783 Yard's looking a little shaggy. 1008 01:10:58,787 --> 01:11:01,789 What the hell is that thing? Answer me! 1009 01:11:04,861 --> 01:11:07,262 Babe! Listen. 1010 01:11:07,264 --> 01:11:10,331 Who's the slut now? I will kill you! 1011 01:11:10,333 --> 01:11:11,933 It was one time, I swear to God. 1012 01:11:23,412 --> 01:11:25,280 You suck at karaoke. 1013 01:11:27,983 --> 01:11:30,451 Ever since I found out about Arnie, 1014 01:11:30,453 --> 01:11:33,354 I've been thinking about sleeping with another woman. 1015 01:11:33,356 --> 01:11:36,791 I'm not sure who yet, but I believe I have many options. 1016 01:11:40,029 --> 01:11:41,963 That was not me. 1017 01:11:50,039 --> 01:11:52,740 Seventy-two bucks and change. 1018 01:12:00,884 --> 01:12:04,752 The first time in my life I've been totally honest with someone. 1019 01:12:10,326 --> 01:12:12,393 You know, I really used to believe... 1020 01:12:12,395 --> 01:12:17,765 That people on this side of town were so much happier and better. 1021 01:12:19,968 --> 01:12:21,936 Wait. 1022 01:12:21,938 --> 01:12:23,705 They have nastier secrets... 1023 01:12:23,707 --> 01:12:26,007 Than you and I could ever imagine. 1024 01:12:33,650 --> 01:12:37,085 Well, I can't foresee this ending badly. 1025 01:12:52,468 --> 01:12:55,069 You sure about this? 1026 01:12:55,071 --> 01:12:58,406 Yep. It's another level. 1027 01:13:00,043 --> 01:13:03,144 Oh, boy. 1028 01:13:03,146 --> 01:13:05,747 Well, hey, guys. What is this? 1029 01:13:07,649 --> 01:13:09,917 Just open it. Get it over with. 1030 01:13:19,128 --> 01:13:20,762 Casper? 1031 01:13:20,764 --> 01:13:24,165 Your careless wife left him in a hot car for three hours... 1032 01:13:24,167 --> 01:13:26,901 When you were out of town last summer. 1033 01:13:26,903 --> 01:13:29,070 How could you? 1034 01:13:29,072 --> 01:13:31,139 Ricky. No! Get away from us! 1035 01:13:40,417 --> 01:13:42,717 Please don't make me do this. 1036 01:13:46,055 --> 01:13:48,022 Fun. 1037 01:13:50,893 --> 01:13:53,961 Yeah, that's this office that we're in right now. 1038 01:13:53,963 --> 01:13:58,499 That's your husband's foot in... in josh the intern's mouth. 1039 01:13:59,636 --> 01:14:02,637 And that's the couch that we're sitting on. 1040 01:14:06,976 --> 01:14:09,210 That should be all right. That should be enough. 1041 01:14:09,212 --> 01:14:12,513 Thank you very much. Um, you can keep that. 1042 01:14:13,850 --> 01:14:17,852 She thinks she can 1043 01:14:17,854 --> 01:14:22,690 but nobody knows what lies behind 1044 01:14:22,692 --> 01:14:25,993 the days before the day we die 1045 01:14:25,995 --> 01:14:29,464 da-da-die, da-da-die, die 1046 01:14:29,466 --> 01:14:31,232 da-da-die 1047 01:14:34,837 --> 01:14:37,872 He has no idea he's not the kid's father? 1048 01:14:37,874 --> 01:14:40,475 She got pregnant before she met him. 1049 01:14:40,477 --> 01:14:43,778 Told him it was his and said the baby was premature. 1050 01:14:43,780 --> 01:14:46,647 Nine pounds, six ounces. 1051 01:14:46,649 --> 01:14:48,816 And Joe believed her. 1052 01:14:48,818 --> 01:14:50,218 Poor bastard. 1053 01:14:58,560 --> 01:15:01,996 Hey, honey, why don't you go finger-knit with the other kids... 1054 01:15:01,998 --> 01:15:03,564 In the other room? 1055 01:15:04,199 --> 01:15:05,933 Great. 1056 01:15:05,935 --> 01:15:08,569 See you. Here's some lemonade. 1057 01:15:08,571 --> 01:15:10,171 Fresh-squeezed. 1058 01:15:15,043 --> 01:15:17,712 Hey, guys. 1059 01:15:17,714 --> 01:15:20,214 So, what brings you? Are you all in the neighborhood? 1060 01:15:20,216 --> 01:15:21,883 What is the haps? 1061 01:15:21,885 --> 01:15:24,051 I know. 1062 01:15:24,053 --> 01:15:25,653 You're pregnant. 1063 01:15:25,655 --> 01:15:27,588 That's it, right? 1064 01:15:27,590 --> 01:15:30,791 Oh, honey, let her say it. We've already said it five times. 1065 01:15:30,793 --> 01:15:34,128 No. No, I'm not pregnant. 1066 01:15:34,130 --> 01:15:36,531 But we have come here to say something. 1067 01:15:37,733 --> 01:15:39,133 There's a lie in this room, 1068 01:15:39,135 --> 01:15:40,902 And we've come to clear it up. 1069 01:15:40,904 --> 01:15:43,638 What are you talking about? 1070 01:15:44,806 --> 01:15:46,908 I think you know. 1071 01:15:48,710 --> 01:15:50,144 Joe, 1072 01:15:50,146 --> 01:15:53,047 I think there's something that... 1073 01:15:53,049 --> 01:15:55,316 We need to get out in the open, 1074 01:15:55,318 --> 01:15:58,119 Something that Alice told me earlier today... 1075 01:15:58,121 --> 01:16:01,088 That... that, uh, 1076 01:16:01,090 --> 01:16:04,592 I think would be better if you knew about. 1077 01:16:06,596 --> 01:16:08,296 A while ago, 1078 01:16:11,733 --> 01:16:14,001 You... I'm jealous of your family. 1079 01:16:20,275 --> 01:16:22,243 Jealous? 1080 01:16:24,580 --> 01:16:28,616 In the past I've been such a bitch to you, and I'm sorry. 1081 01:16:28,618 --> 01:16:32,186 It's just that you find happiness so easily. 1082 01:16:34,156 --> 01:16:37,158 Life seems so effortless the way you live it. 1083 01:16:38,694 --> 01:16:41,062 It's amazing. 1084 01:16:41,064 --> 01:16:43,731 Oh! Do you really mean that? 1085 01:16:43,733 --> 01:16:45,700 Yeah. 1086 01:16:45,702 --> 01:16:47,635 From the bottom of my heart. 1087 01:16:47,637 --> 01:16:50,004 Oh, sister. 1088 01:16:51,673 --> 01:16:54,075 Oh, wow. 1089 01:16:55,877 --> 01:16:59,146 You're gonna get your chance to have a baby too. 1090 01:17:00,716 --> 01:17:02,717 Also, you guys, 1091 01:17:04,620 --> 01:17:06,687 We're thinking about going vegan. 1092 01:17:06,689 --> 01:17:08,823 Ahh! 1093 01:17:08,825 --> 01:17:11,359 That's fantastic. 1094 01:17:11,361 --> 01:17:13,394 I'll get the recipe book. 1095 01:17:30,012 --> 01:17:32,380 Uh... what? 1096 01:17:32,382 --> 01:17:34,415 I can't believe I couldn't go through with it. 1097 01:17:34,417 --> 01:17:37,918 No, that's a good thing. Human, even. 1098 01:17:37,920 --> 01:17:39,253 It set us back, John. 1099 01:17:42,190 --> 01:17:44,759 I've been thinking. 1100 01:17:44,761 --> 01:17:46,794 One big score, 1101 01:17:46,796 --> 01:17:48,429 We make the million... 1102 01:17:49,998 --> 01:17:52,066 And say good-bye to the teapot. 1103 01:17:52,068 --> 01:17:54,402 Don't we have enough? 1104 01:17:54,404 --> 01:17:56,804 Especially after today. 1105 01:18:00,308 --> 01:18:01,942 Okay. 1106 01:18:03,345 --> 01:18:05,212 Just say it. 1107 01:18:07,015 --> 01:18:12,153 There are pedophiles and drug dealers on playgrounds. 1108 01:18:13,755 --> 01:18:16,057 We can take out just one. 1109 01:18:19,294 --> 01:18:22,029 If we knock off one low-life scumbag, 1110 01:18:22,031 --> 01:18:26,067 We do the world a favor. 1111 01:18:26,069 --> 01:18:29,303 We knock off two, and we're heroes. 1112 01:18:29,305 --> 01:18:31,238 Rich heroes. 1113 01:18:38,814 --> 01:18:40,214 Why'd you stop? 1114 01:18:40,216 --> 01:18:42,183 I think I'm done. 1115 01:18:44,019 --> 01:18:47,254 You got to bury a body at least six feet underground... 1116 01:18:47,256 --> 01:18:50,324 or somebody will find it. 1117 01:18:50,326 --> 01:18:54,195 Alice, can you just stop and listen to yourself for a second? 1118 01:18:54,197 --> 01:18:56,897 You're talking about killing a man. 1119 01:18:56,899 --> 01:18:59,934 You're talking about burying him in a grave. 1120 01:18:59,936 --> 01:19:02,136 One big score, John. 1121 01:19:02,138 --> 01:19:04,505 One big score. 1122 01:19:04,507 --> 01:19:07,475 Well, I can't do this. I can't do this. 1123 01:19:07,477 --> 01:19:10,211 I'm not capable of killing a person in real life. 1124 01:19:10,213 --> 01:19:13,247 So I have to do it by myself, as usual. 1125 01:19:13,249 --> 01:19:15,449 No, nobody has to do anything by themselves. 1126 01:19:15,451 --> 01:19:18,185 You don't have to do anything by yourself either. Dr. Ling was right. 1127 01:19:18,187 --> 01:19:21,889 I didn't wanna listen to him at first, but I see what he means now. 1128 01:19:21,891 --> 01:19:23,758 You're turning evil. 1129 01:19:23,760 --> 01:19:28,262 There is nothing evil about wanting more. 1130 01:19:28,264 --> 01:19:32,133 There's nothing evil about that teapot. 1131 01:19:34,102 --> 01:19:36,137 It's precious. 1132 01:19:36,139 --> 01:19:40,040 What if I ask you to choose between me and this thing right now? 1133 01:20:18,213 --> 01:20:20,080 I need your help. 1134 01:20:22,150 --> 01:20:23,517 Come in, John. 1135 01:20:30,926 --> 01:20:32,426 It's bad. It's... 1136 01:20:32,428 --> 01:20:35,262 I should have done something more, but I don't know... 1137 01:20:35,264 --> 01:20:37,431 I don't know what else I could have done. 1138 01:20:42,537 --> 01:20:46,173 My father, his father, 1139 01:20:46,175 --> 01:20:48,876 His father for two centuries took oath... 1140 01:20:48,878 --> 01:20:54,281 To find a teapot and hide away forever. 1141 01:20:54,283 --> 01:20:57,585 I have opportunity they wait lifetime for. 1142 01:20:57,587 --> 01:21:02,857 I found teapot in hands of average people, good people. 1143 01:21:02,859 --> 01:21:04,558 Where is Alice, John? 1144 01:21:05,527 --> 01:21:07,361 She will want more. 1145 01:21:07,363 --> 01:21:11,932 Soon not just the bad people, but those weakest. 1146 01:21:11,934 --> 01:21:14,301 Why wouldn't you just break into our house and take the teapot? 1147 01:21:14,303 --> 01:21:17,638 It must be given, not taken. 1148 01:21:17,640 --> 01:21:20,641 That is the only way to rob it of power. 1149 01:21:20,643 --> 01:21:25,012 Only answer is for you both to give it to me. 1150 01:21:25,014 --> 01:21:27,214 But... 1151 01:21:27,216 --> 01:21:28,949 That will never happen. 1152 01:21:30,318 --> 01:21:31,986 Dr. Ling. 1153 01:21:31,988 --> 01:21:36,590 Please, just tell me what I can do to get her to wake up. 1154 01:21:36,592 --> 01:21:39,526 There is no more hope. 1155 01:21:39,528 --> 01:21:42,196 Most likely is already too late for you. 1156 01:21:42,198 --> 01:21:44,431 You're giving up on us? 1157 01:21:44,433 --> 01:21:48,502 I will never give up on the teapot. 1158 01:21:49,437 --> 01:21:52,339 I will wait and wait... 1159 01:21:52,341 --> 01:21:55,242 Until the teapot destroy you, 1160 01:21:55,244 --> 01:21:59,613 And then I will follow it to the next owner... 1161 01:21:59,615 --> 01:22:01,582 And the next. 1162 01:22:01,584 --> 01:22:05,619 I will knock on their door and tell them what I told you. 1163 01:22:06,955 --> 01:22:09,924 Maybe they will listen. 1164 01:22:33,115 --> 01:22:35,082 Ugh! 1165 01:22:35,084 --> 01:22:37,217 Ugh! 1166 01:23:01,576 --> 01:23:03,711 What are you doing? 1167 01:23:03,713 --> 01:23:06,013 Just promise me that you'll end it. 1168 01:23:07,549 --> 01:23:09,116 Give it to Ling, 1169 01:23:10,118 --> 01:23:12,119 And he'll get rid of it. 1170 01:23:13,488 --> 01:23:15,456 Okay. 1171 01:23:15,458 --> 01:23:18,492 Ju... please come back in. 1172 01:23:18,494 --> 01:23:20,527 Stay back, Alice. 1173 01:23:20,529 --> 01:23:22,229 I didn't kill anyone. 1174 01:23:23,465 --> 01:23:25,199 But you will. 1175 01:23:25,201 --> 01:23:28,102 - We'll get rid of it. - We'll do it right now. 1176 01:23:29,571 --> 01:23:31,338 Promise? 1177 01:23:31,340 --> 01:23:34,775 I promise. Yeah. 1178 01:23:46,354 --> 01:23:48,555 You say I never go through with anything. 1179 01:23:50,458 --> 01:23:52,559 No. No. John! 1180 01:23:52,561 --> 01:23:55,129 No! John! 1181 01:23:56,365 --> 01:23:57,765 Oh, my God. 1182 01:23:57,767 --> 01:23:59,533 John, no, please! 1183 01:23:59,535 --> 01:24:01,168 My God! Oh, my... 1184 01:24:03,438 --> 01:24:06,240 John! John. John. 1185 01:24:06,242 --> 01:24:08,208 Hey. Hey, wake up. 1186 01:24:08,210 --> 01:24:10,244 Please. 1187 01:24:10,246 --> 01:24:15,215 John. John, please wake up. 1188 01:24:15,217 --> 01:24:17,151 Please wake up. 1189 01:24:17,153 --> 01:24:19,053 Please. 1190 01:24:19,055 --> 01:24:22,222 I can't do this without you. 1191 01:24:22,224 --> 01:24:23,824 I love you. 1192 01:24:31,733 --> 01:24:34,234 Wake up, please! 1193 01:24:38,840 --> 01:24:41,275 You're alive? 1194 01:24:42,610 --> 01:24:44,645 Yeah. Wow. 1195 01:24:46,682 --> 01:24:49,316 Now you promise we'll get rid of it? 1196 01:24:50,618 --> 01:24:52,352 I promise. 1197 01:24:53,188 --> 01:24:55,122 I'm so ready. 1198 01:25:02,130 --> 01:25:06,366 If you find me here 1199 01:25:06,368 --> 01:25:10,504 a wreck upon your shore 1200 01:25:10,506 --> 01:25:15,509 would you hide me in your arms 1201 01:25:15,511 --> 01:25:19,113 and quell the ocean's roar? 1202 01:25:19,115 --> 01:25:21,748 Hey. 1203 01:25:21,750 --> 01:25:24,184 I hear someone downstairs. 1204 01:25:26,889 --> 01:25:28,589 I got it. 1205 01:25:51,246 --> 01:25:53,680 It's gone. Yeah? 1206 01:25:53,682 --> 01:25:55,549 Arnie took the teapot. 1207 01:25:56,751 --> 01:25:59,653 Let's just give it all away... 1208 01:25:59,655 --> 01:26:02,322 The car, the house. 1209 01:26:02,324 --> 01:26:05,492 Everything. I don't want it anymore. I miss our pinto. 1210 01:26:05,494 --> 01:26:07,461 Wait. 1211 01:26:07,463 --> 01:26:10,531 Did we just give sauron his ring back? 1212 01:26:10,533 --> 01:26:13,400 You're such a geek. No, I'm serious. 1213 01:26:13,402 --> 01:26:15,769 We have to deliver it to Ling ourselves. 1214 01:26:16,738 --> 01:26:18,939 We have to fix it. 1215 01:26:18,941 --> 01:26:21,642 Because we're John and Alice Macy, 1216 01:26:21,644 --> 01:26:23,310 The frickin' good guys. 1217 01:26:24,412 --> 01:26:25,579 Yeah. 1218 01:26:25,581 --> 01:26:27,247 Yeah? Yeah. 1219 01:26:35,523 --> 01:26:38,325 Let's review. He has at least two guns, 1220 01:26:38,327 --> 01:26:40,894 Probably a collection of knives, including the kind that curves... 1221 01:26:40,896 --> 01:26:43,363 Like it was designed specifically for cutting out the entrails... 1222 01:26:43,365 --> 01:26:45,899 Of smaller men with a better developed sense of humor. 1223 01:26:45,901 --> 01:26:48,202 A bowie knife? Uh-huh. 1224 01:26:49,337 --> 01:26:50,871 He's the greediest person we know, 1225 01:26:50,873 --> 01:26:52,706 And he has a magic teapot that pays for pain. 1226 01:26:52,708 --> 01:26:53,941 And he hates us. 1227 01:26:55,577 --> 01:26:57,844 He certainly does. 1228 01:27:19,834 --> 01:27:21,268 Arnie! 1229 01:27:22,737 --> 01:27:25,305 Let us in! 1230 01:27:25,307 --> 01:27:27,307 We know you have the teapot. 1231 01:27:36,017 --> 01:27:37,017 Arnie? 1232 01:27:54,802 --> 01:27:56,970 Jesus Christ. 1233 01:27:58,640 --> 01:28:00,007 We're too late. 1234 01:28:09,484 --> 01:28:11,652 - Seriously? - Oh, my God! 1235 01:28:11,654 --> 01:28:14,321 Look at this. Money just comes walking in my house. I love it. 1236 01:28:14,323 --> 01:28:16,523 Arnie. Arnie, Arnie, Arnie. Just relax. 1237 01:28:16,525 --> 01:28:18,992 Put the gun... Arnie, please put the gun down. 1238 01:28:18,994 --> 01:28:21,995 Oh, come on. No one's gonna miss you two. Put the gun down. 1239 01:28:21,997 --> 01:28:25,499 - Put it down. Listen. - Stop it. Stop it. 1240 01:28:25,501 --> 01:28:27,934 Just hold on a second, Arnie. 1241 01:28:27,936 --> 01:28:31,071 This is insane. Look at yourself. 1242 01:28:33,708 --> 01:28:36,810 I almost feel bad for doing this, you know, with our history and all. 1243 01:28:36,812 --> 01:28:38,979 - No! - Arnie! 1244 01:28:38,981 --> 01:28:40,314 Ow! 1245 01:28:40,316 --> 01:28:43,016 God! Ow! 1246 01:28:44,719 --> 01:28:46,386 You almost look like a man. 1247 01:28:46,388 --> 01:28:48,755 I am a man! 1248 01:28:48,757 --> 01:28:52,559 I've done things to myself that you can never imagine, my friend. 1249 01:28:52,561 --> 01:28:56,463 I've burned, I've cut, I've mutilated... 1250 01:28:56,465 --> 01:28:59,399 Every inch of my body. 1251 01:28:59,401 --> 01:29:03,904 I've gone to the dark side, and I have no fear. 1252 01:29:03,906 --> 01:29:06,807 Now, give us the goddamn teapot. 1253 01:29:19,921 --> 01:29:20,954 No! 1254 01:29:21,556 --> 01:29:24,591 No! No! No! No! 1255 01:29:24,593 --> 01:29:25,625 No! 1256 01:29:28,796 --> 01:29:29,963 Settle down! 1257 01:29:29,965 --> 01:29:31,665 Oh, my God! 1258 01:29:31,667 --> 01:29:33,400 Oh, yeah. 1259 01:29:33,402 --> 01:29:34,901 You all right? 1260 01:29:34,903 --> 01:29:37,104 You okay, baby? 1261 01:29:37,106 --> 01:29:38,472 Give me this. 1262 01:29:38,474 --> 01:29:40,374 Okay. 1263 01:29:44,746 --> 01:29:46,513 Get down on your knees. 1264 01:29:46,515 --> 01:29:49,116 Okay. Okay. 1265 01:29:49,118 --> 01:29:51,918 I always wanted to say that. It's like on cops. 1266 01:29:51,920 --> 01:29:53,487 Hi, Alice. 1267 01:29:55,524 --> 01:29:58,158 You look like shit! 1268 01:29:58,160 --> 01:30:00,994 We're gonna make so much money off you two. 1269 01:30:00,996 --> 01:30:03,063 - You don't wanna do this. Trust me. - Get ready to say good-bye. 1270 01:30:03,065 --> 01:30:04,931 - No. - Sweet dreams. 1271 01:30:04,933 --> 01:30:08,034 Guys, you don't wanna... whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 1272 01:30:08,036 --> 01:30:09,603 - Hey! - Oh, my God! 1273 01:30:09,605 --> 01:30:11,037 Wizards! 1274 01:30:11,039 --> 01:30:12,939 Give us the teapot! 1275 01:30:12,941 --> 01:30:15,108 I'm sorry. Who the hell are you? 1276 01:30:15,110 --> 01:30:19,146 I am God's holy representative. 1277 01:30:19,148 --> 01:30:23,683 Our grandmother stole the teapot from Hitler, 1278 01:30:23,685 --> 01:30:26,520 And these sinners stole it from her. 1279 01:30:26,522 --> 01:30:29,756 So my brother and I have come to take what is ours. 1280 01:30:29,758 --> 01:30:32,526 He touched the teapot, remember? 1281 01:30:32,528 --> 01:30:36,163 - Hell, no. Oh, no. - Hi. You come in here, into my house... 1282 01:30:36,165 --> 01:30:37,764 And you threaten me and my wife? Uh-uh. 1283 01:30:37,766 --> 01:30:39,966 You come in here, and you threaten me? Huh? 1284 01:30:39,968 --> 01:30:41,768 No way. You tell him, baby! 1285 01:30:41,770 --> 01:30:44,971 Give me the teapot, and I might let you live. 1286 01:30:44,973 --> 01:30:46,640 Give him the teapot. Give it to him. 1287 01:30:46,642 --> 01:30:49,676 Put your gun down, redneck, and give us the teapot. 1288 01:30:49,678 --> 01:30:53,113 Excuse me? What did you just say to me? 1289 01:30:53,115 --> 01:30:55,449 - I'm gonna pop a cap in your ass. 1290 01:30:55,451 --> 01:30:56,750 Arnie! 1291 01:30:56,752 --> 01:30:58,452 No! 1292 01:30:58,454 --> 01:30:59,786 Oh, sh... Oh, my God! 1293 01:30:59,788 --> 01:31:01,154 Arnie! 1294 01:31:04,492 --> 01:31:06,059 Give us the teapot! 1295 01:31:07,495 --> 01:31:09,863 Arnie! Oh, no, you terrorists! 1296 01:31:11,166 --> 01:31:12,599 Yoel! 1297 01:31:27,115 --> 01:31:29,082 What's happening? Shh. 1298 01:31:46,534 --> 01:31:49,169 Arnie? Guys? 1299 01:31:55,076 --> 01:31:57,077 Oh, my God. 1300 01:32:09,023 --> 01:32:10,991 That could have been us. 1301 01:32:18,533 --> 01:32:20,066 Oh, my God. 1302 01:32:49,997 --> 01:32:51,898 Let's get rid of this thing. 1303 01:33:54,695 --> 01:33:57,330 Kings, queens, 1304 01:33:57,332 --> 01:34:00,000 Dictators, priests, 1305 01:34:00,002 --> 01:34:02,736 Peasants and generals. 1306 01:34:03,804 --> 01:34:06,640 Thousands before you have held it. 1307 01:34:07,908 --> 01:34:11,745 So few have had the strength to let go. 1308 01:34:12,713 --> 01:34:14,314 Thank you. 1309 01:34:16,684 --> 01:34:18,318 Thank you. 1310 01:34:32,667 --> 01:34:35,935 I'm a man on fire 1311 01:34:35,937 --> 01:34:37,937 walking through your street 1312 01:34:37,939 --> 01:34:40,740 with one guitar 1313 01:34:40,742 --> 01:34:42,442 and two dancing feet 1314 01:34:43,310 --> 01:34:46,112 only one desire 1315 01:34:46,114 --> 01:34:48,848 that's left in me 1316 01:34:48,850 --> 01:34:50,950 I want the whole damn world 1317 01:34:50,952 --> 01:34:52,919 to come dance with me 1318 01:34:55,122 --> 01:34:58,224 ohh, mmm 1319 01:34:59,427 --> 01:35:02,429 come dance with me 1320 01:35:02,431 --> 01:35:05,231 oh, murder and pain 1321 01:35:05,233 --> 01:35:08,134 Oh, my God. 1322 01:35:08,136 --> 01:35:10,837 Chuck! Chuck! Chuck, chuck, chuck, chuck, chuck. come set you free 1323 01:35:10,839 --> 01:35:13,039 We're rich. We're rich. 1324 01:35:13,041 --> 01:35:15,442 Oh, the heartache and shame 1325 01:35:18,379 --> 01:35:22,082 I wanna see your bodies burning 1326 01:35:22,084 --> 01:35:24,951 like old big sun 1327 01:35:27,988 --> 01:35:31,825 I wanna know what we've been learning 1328 01:35:31,827 --> 01:35:34,461 and learning from 1329 01:35:37,364 --> 01:35:39,399 ooh, ooh, ooh 1330 01:35:39,401 --> 01:35:42,902 everybody want safety 1331 01:35:42,904 --> 01:35:44,471 safety love 1332 01:35:44,473 --> 01:35:48,041 everybody want comfort 1333 01:35:48,043 --> 01:35:49,809 comfort love 1334 01:35:49,811 --> 01:35:53,313 everybody want certain 1335 01:35:53,315 --> 01:35:55,415 certain love 1336 01:35:55,417 --> 01:35:59,252 everybody but me 1337 01:35:59,254 --> 01:36:01,221 I'm a man on fire 1338 01:36:01,223 --> 01:36:04,424 walking down your street 1339 01:36:04,426 --> 01:36:06,893 with one guitar 1340 01:36:06,895 --> 01:36:09,829 and two dancing feet 1341 01:36:09,831 --> 01:36:12,766 only one desire 1342 01:36:12,768 --> 01:36:14,768 that's left in me 1343 01:36:14,770 --> 01:36:17,837 I want the whole damn world 1344 01:36:17,839 --> 01:36:20,507 to come and dance with me 1345 01:36:32,553 --> 01:36:37,791 bah-da, bah-da-da, bah-da-da, bah-da-da 1346 01:36:37,793 --> 01:36:43,196 bah-da, bah-da-da, bah-da-da, bah-da-da 1347 01:36:48,402 --> 01:36:53,940 bah-da, bah-da-da, bah-da-da, bah-da-da-da 1348 01:36:59,113 --> 01:37:02,916 hey, hey 1349 01:37:02,918 --> 01:37:05,285 come dance with me 1350 01:37:06,353 --> 01:37:09,389 oh, the heartache and rage 1351 01:37:12,193 --> 01:37:14,527 come set us free 1352 01:37:15,930 --> 01:37:19,165 oh, the panic and strange 1353 01:37:21,268 --> 01:37:24,838 I wanna see your bodies burning 1354 01:37:24,840 --> 01:37:27,907 like old big sun 1355 01:37:30,477 --> 01:37:34,214 I wanna know what we've been learning 1356 01:37:34,216 --> 01:37:36,983 and learning from 1357 01:37:39,553 --> 01:37:41,554 ooh, ooh, ooh 1358 01:37:41,556 --> 01:37:45,058 everybody want romance 1359 01:37:45,060 --> 01:37:46,626 romance love 1360 01:37:46,628 --> 01:37:50,196 everybody want safety 1361 01:37:50,198 --> 01:37:51,931 safety love 1362 01:37:51,933 --> 01:37:55,468 everybody want comfort 1363 01:37:55,470 --> 01:37:57,237 comfort love 1364 01:37:57,239 --> 01:38:03,443 everybody but me 1365 01:38:03,445 --> 01:38:06,179 I'm a man on fire he's a man on fire 1366 01:38:06,181 --> 01:38:08,514 walking down your street walking down your street 1367 01:38:08,516 --> 01:38:11,384 with one guitar with one guitar 1368 01:38:11,386 --> 01:38:13,987 and two dancing feet two dancing feet 1369 01:38:13,989 --> 01:38:16,556 only one desire only one desire 1370 01:38:16,558 --> 01:38:19,125 that's still in me that's left in me 1371 01:38:19,127 --> 01:38:21,961 I want the whole damn world want the whole damn world 1372 01:38:21,963 --> 01:38:28,001 to come and dance with me come and dance with me yeah 1373 01:38:28,003 --> 01:38:30,904 yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah 1374 01:38:30,906 --> 01:38:33,306 man on fire 1375 01:38:33,308 --> 01:38:35,642 oh, oh, oh, oh 1376 01:38:53,060 --> 01:38:57,096 if you find me here 1377 01:38:57,098 --> 01:39:01,301 a wreck upon your shore 1378 01:39:01,303 --> 01:39:06,139 would you hide me in your arms 1379 01:39:06,141 --> 01:39:10,076 and quell the ocean's roar? 1380 01:39:12,947 --> 01:39:17,483 Lovely, dark and warm 1381 01:39:17,485 --> 01:39:22,055 fading with the tide 1382 01:39:22,057 --> 01:39:26,326 they sink beneath the waves 1383 01:39:26,328 --> 01:39:29,729 of the night 1384 01:39:37,705 --> 01:39:42,108 listen in the wind 1385 01:39:42,110 --> 01:39:46,579 a voice that I have known 1386 01:39:46,581 --> 01:39:51,351 soft when daylight fades 1387 01:39:51,353 --> 01:39:55,154 now a whispered moan 1388 01:39:57,992 --> 01:40:02,428 lovely, dark and warm 1389 01:40:02,430 --> 01:40:06,699 fading with the tide 1390 01:40:06,701 --> 01:40:11,204 they sink beneath the waves 1391 01:40:11,206 --> 01:40:15,108 of the night 1392 01:40:33,794 --> 01:40:38,231 lovely, dark and warm 1393 01:40:38,233 --> 01:40:42,568 fading with the tide 1394 01:40:42,570 --> 01:40:47,407 we sink beneath the waves 1395 01:40:47,409 --> 01:40:52,145 of the night