1
00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:48,746
Seasoned crooks swear you
only remember two days
2
00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:50,982
about your stretch in jail:
3
00:00:51,040 --> 00:00:52,551
The day you get in...
4
00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:56,869
- Oh, boy.
- ...and the day you get out.
5
00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:04,347
But I'll tell you, those guys,
they never been to a Polish prison.
6
00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:06,741
'Cause, buddy, you don't
forget a second of your stay
7
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:09,221
in the Warsaw penal system.
8
00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:16,622
Oh, boy.
9
00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:19,949
And you never stop thinking about
what you done that got you there,
10
00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:22,341
and what you're going
to do when you get out.
11
00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:25,902
And who you're going to do it to.
12
00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:32,581
I reckon it takes a
betrayal before you realize
13
00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:37,780
the real currency in the world
ain't money... it's trust.
14
00:01:40,040 --> 00:01:43,587
Hey. So, guess I'm topsies, huh?
15
00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:50,190
'Cause if you got no trust...
16
00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:52,820
Oh, boy.
17
00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:55,626
Then what do you got?
18
00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:11,546
Now, there's no such thing
as one last big job,
19
00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:13,748
but Poland was pretty close.
20
00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:19,111
We were doing a smooth switch using
a standard base to our scam.
21
00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:21,189
The first thing you need is a mark.
22
00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:24,224
Stash Bartkowiak was just
like all the others:
23
00:02:24,280 --> 00:02:28,430
rich, corrupt and most
definitely dangerous.
24
00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:31,663
So Stash picks up a stolen Gauguin
ripped from an Oslo gallery
25
00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:33,549
by a couple of smash-and-grabbers.
26
00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:35,429
So, of course, he wants to get
the painting authenticated.
27
00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:41,064
But what he didn't know, was the man
he turned to was Nicky Calhoun.
28
00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:43,826
And Nicky Calhoun
is my half-brother.
29
00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:47,541
A crew needs an idea man
and ours was Nicky.
30
00:02:47,640 --> 00:02:50,630
Paddy McCarthy, he was our Rolodex,
31
00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:52,862
the guy who knows any
guy you need to know.
32
00:02:52,920 --> 00:02:55,751
And Guy De Cornet was our forger.
33
00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:57,948
Best scratcher I've ever known.
34
00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:01,024
Now there was a time,
if you ask anyone in our game,
35
00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:03,990
who the best damn
wheelman around was,
36
00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:07,349
and I'm guaranteeing you, you're going
to hear the name Crunch Calhoun.
37
00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:10,470
And that's got nothing to
do with how fast I drive
38
00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:12,702
and everything to do with trust.
39
00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:15,431
'Cause without that
you've got anarchy.
40
00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:17,150
I like that jacket.
41
00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:18,980
Well, clothes tell you
a lot about the man.
42
00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:20,511
That's why it's a saying.
43
00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:22,310
I don't know, Nicky.
Take Guy there.
44
00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:25,589
The only thing his fancy white
leotard tells me is that
45
00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:27,464
he ain't circumcised.
46
00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:30,106
You misunderstand fashion.
Fatsoes. Look at you.
47
00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:31,910
- Fatsoes?
- Women go crazy for this...
48
00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:33,789
Boys! There it is!
49
00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:38,662
I'll see you at the lab, Crunch.
50
00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:51,306
Don't touch the art, lad.
All alarmed.
51
00:04:08,320 --> 00:04:11,469
Wow! Love the track suits.
52
00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:14,664
Fellas, I'd like you to
meet Professor O'Connor.
53
00:04:14,720 --> 00:04:16,948
Doc, these are the fellas.
54
00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:20,422
As I said, Dr. "O" here,
is real discreet.
55
00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:22,344
Very discreet, gentlemen.
56
00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:29,820
Oh. Paul Gauguin.
"Tahitian Beach," 1893.
57
00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:32,267
Painting is stolen. But is real?
58
00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:35,902
We'll see. Needs a density scan.
59
00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:37,704
What is density scan?
60
00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:40,989
I'm not so sure myself,
but doctor knows best.
61
00:04:58,240 --> 00:05:03,631
OK, great. So a guy walks
into a bar with a monkey.
62
00:05:18,280 --> 00:05:21,907
Oh. What is this?
63
00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:23,949
What?
64
00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:26,341
- No, no, no, no, no.
- What?
65
00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:28,389
- More red. More red.
- No, no, no, no, no.
66
00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:29,951
Don't do this, Guy, please.
You're killing me.
67
00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:32,023
They're identical.
Just swap the frames!
68
00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:33,705
My work...
69
00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:35,783
Oh fuck, Guy! Come on,
they're identical!
70
00:05:35,840 --> 00:05:38,705
- Just change them!
- My work must be perfect-o!
71
00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:42,311
You've got five minutes.
72
00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:45,942
So I say, "I'm looking for Mario."
73
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:49,104
And this kid says, "There's
a thousand Marios in Naples."
74
00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:52,065
I say, "Yeah, but this
one's a criminal."
75
00:05:52,160 --> 00:05:57,061
And he goes, "Two thousand!"
76
00:05:58,080 --> 00:05:59,864
Guy. Guy.
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00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:02,586
Guy! They will fucking
kill Nicky and Paddy
78
00:06:02,640 --> 00:06:05,061
if I don't make it
back there in time!
79
00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:09,623
Guy, you got ten seconds.
That's it. Ten!
80
00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:15,463
Nine, eight, seven,
six, five. Put it in.
81
00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:20,143
- Three, two, one. Now!
- Au revoir.
82
00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:22,701
You fuck!
83
00:06:32,840 --> 00:06:33,987
Bastard!
84
00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:41,509
So naturally I tell the Turkish
prostitute, "I'll take two."
85
00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:15,465
So are any of you guys Ukrainian?
86
00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:17,622
No? OK then.
87
00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:31,144
Ah, fuck!
88
00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:09,987
She's a genuine Gauguin,
boys. Priceless.
89
00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:17,902
I don't believe this.
90
00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:20,711
There's millions of dollars of
paintings and we're doing nothing.
91
00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:23,067
- Leave it, lad.
- This is Poland!
92
00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:25,268
We can do whatever
the fuck we want.
93
00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:27,184
Nicky, boy,
the Gauguin's worth more
94
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:30,071
than five rooms of paintings in
this place and they're all alarmed.
95
00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:33,144
Are you kidding me?
There's no alarms.
96
00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:37,581
There's alarms.
97
00:09:03,880 --> 00:09:05,630
Boys, let's all split up!
98
00:09:05,680 --> 00:09:10,024
Train to Berlin. Ten AM.
Bright and early like!
99
00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:13,149
Shit!
100
00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:29,860
Go! Here. What are you...
what are you...?! Wrong way!
101
00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:35,186
That crash was a stroke of luck.
102
00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:39,145
And the cops showed up
before Stash could kill him.
103
00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:42,470
Uh...
104
00:09:42,560 --> 00:09:45,823
Did I tell you the
one about the, uh,
105
00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:48,347
three prostitutes and
the bruised melon?
106
00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:53,109
We only want painting back.
107
00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:55,945
One painting, one arrest.
108
00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:58,546
It could be you or someone else.
109
00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:06,469
You have record in Europe,
so that's 20 years sentence.
110
00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:09,265
We make deal, huh?
111
00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:12,947
The painting and a fall guy.
112
00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:18,222
For Nicky, I figure it
was just basic math.
113
00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:20,951
He's facing 20 years and
I got a clean sheet.
114
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:24,946
I can't blame him for that.
But I can hate him for it.
115
00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:29,469
Oh, boy.
116
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,262
So I went home.
117
00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:53,549
And I couldn't go back to the life.
118
00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:56,101
The trust was gone.
119
00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:58,149
Crew was gone.
120
00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:00,701
And everybody went
their separate ways.
121
00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:05,747
And I met a girl.
Someone I could bank on.
122
00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:07,743
And even if I couldn't,
buddy, I'll tell you,
123
00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:10,790
she wasn't the worst person
I shared a bunk with lately.
124
00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:13,705
But I could bank on Francie.
125
00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:17,785
Francie was a young buck I caught
pinching hubcaps off my truck.
126
00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:20,671
Most folks probably would have called
the cops, but I gave him a job.
127
00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:25,621
'Cause every new and then,
you got to take a leap of faith.
128
00:11:25,680 --> 00:11:29,626
Hey, Crunch. Lace 'em up.
129
00:11:32,240 --> 00:11:35,981
The only way we're gonna get the crowd
tomorrow is if you take a dive today.
130
00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:38,746
Nope, not gonna happen, not again.
131
00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:41,989
It pains me to say it, Crunch, but the
only reason why these folks are here
132
00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:43,949
is in the hope that you
crack your skull open.
133
00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:47,104
You have to crash your bike.
That's what you do.
134
00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:50,309
One hundred eighty-eight
stitches, 26 broken bones.
135
00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:54,101
Twelve totaled bikes. Three comes.
136
00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:56,308
Twice pronounced legally dead.
137
00:11:56,400 --> 00:12:01,984
- I'll give you $700.
- The one, the only, Crunch Calhoun!
138
00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:07,102
Let me say this out loud,
'cause I can't believe my own ears.
139
00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:12,750
You expect me to deliberately take a
dive, risk my life, for 700 bucks?
140
00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:16,621
- Twelve.
- Seven.
141
00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:18,305
- Eleven.
- Six.
142
00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:20,349
- Eight.
- Deal.
143
00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:21,786
Call the ambulance.
144
00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:30,310
Ladies and gentlemen,
145
00:12:30,360 --> 00:12:32,064
let's give old Crunch
a moment of silence
146
00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:36,862
as he prepares to go down, down,
down into the ring of fire!
147
00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:38,660
How'd she do? Tell me
at least a thousand.
148
00:12:38,680 --> 00:12:42,023
No, $800. So just
don't do it, Crunch.
149
00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:44,148
I'll pay you $800 not to spill 'er.
150
00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:46,547
If you got $800,
I'm payin' you too much.
151
00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:49,988
Just don't do it, bud.
152
00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:54,708
I'll be all right, Francie. Besides,
"Fortune favors the bold."
153
00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:56,464
Who said that one?
154
00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:58,861
- Virgil.
- Right.
155
00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:07,063
Excuse me, sir. Would you
consent to a voluntary search?
156
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:15,661
- Right this way, please.
- Bad luck, chief.
157
00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:19,911
Thank you.
158
00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:25,865
Ground rules, same as last time.
159
00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:29,229
You talk when I tell you to talk
and when I don't, you do not talk.
160
00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:31,348
Don't bark at me. I'm not your dog.
161
00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:35,346
Did I say to talk? Because I don't
recall telling you to talk.
162
00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:37,343
How many more times
must I do your job
163
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:40,026
before I've paid my
proverbial debt to society?
164
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:43,946
Warning: You make me look
stupid, I will crush you.
165
00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:48,101
- That looked hot.
- Yes, a little bit.
166
00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:49,910
We're going to start with
"good cop, bad cop".
167
00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:51,505
- I'm not a cop.
- OK.
168
00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:53,583
How about "good cop,
just do what I fuckin' say"?
169
00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:55,265
You're not a cop.
170
00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:59,106
Correction. The "pol" in
Interpol, it stands for police.
171
00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:02,150
- Then where is your pistol?
- I don't need a gun.
172
00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:04,189
I've got something far
more dangerous than that.
173
00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:07,105
Is it a whistle that you blow
to summon the real police
174
00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:11,231
- when a crime is being committed?
- No. It's actually a pen.
175
00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:14,463
And, with it, I can
deny your parole.
176
00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:17,385
So why don't you shut the
hell up and follow my lead?
177
00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:21,188
Where's the fucking
painting, fucko?
178
00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:25,226
Whoa.
179
00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:28,788
My name is Agent Bick. This is
my associate, Samuel Winter.
180
00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:31,585
I know Sam.
181
00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:33,344
Sam, what are you doing
with Dirty Harry, here?
182
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:35,741
You know how they pair
professional athletes
183
00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:37,470
- with slow kids?
- Yep.
184
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,145
It's kind of like that.
185
00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:43,669
Two weeks ago, this
painting "Model, Rear-View"
186
00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:47,029
by Georges Seurat was stolen by
an art collector in Mexico City
187
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:48,705
by a woman we had
under surveillance.
188
00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:51,870
Yeah, I've never seen
that woman before...
189
00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:53,306
before yesterday.
190
00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:55,701
Do I look like a
fucking clown to you?
191
00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:59,069
Clowns try to be funny. You're
just unintentionally hysterical.
192
00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:01,188
Shut your giggle hole
193
00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:03,422
and open the damn case.
194
00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:07,741
It's called "Tio Puno Loco".
195
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,426
Which translates
"Uncle Crazy Fist."
196
00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:13,550
Now, if you gentlemen will excuse
me, I've got to water ski...
197
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:16,909
Sit down! Winter,
this is not "pointerism".
198
00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:19,381
Every painting tells a story.
199
00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:24,306
- All good art tells a story.
- This one tells two.
200
00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:28,391
Say Nicky here is
stopped at Customs.
201
00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:32,590
All they see is this rubbish,
202
00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:35,505
not the masterpiece underneath.
203
00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:39,346
Acetate solution loosens
the top acrylic layer.
204
00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:45,109
Peel it on back and you're left with
the original oil painting underneath.
205
00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:48,070
What the fuck is that?
206
00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:52,862
It's a marvelous picture. I'm delighted
to have it as part of my collection.
207
00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:57,230
Well, boys, have a nice day.
208
00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,344
Where's the Seurat?!
209
00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:03,424
Long gone.
210
00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:09,989
- Sunny.
- Yeah. How'd it go?
211
00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:11,551
Ah, it went.
212
00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:13,987
Bad luck, chief.
213
00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:18,830
You got the money?
214
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:21,341
There you go.
215
00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:25,986
- It feels a little light.
- Well, why don't you open it?
216
00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:29,146
"I'm sorry.
217
00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:31,820
I'm sorry for hitting
you with a lead pipe."
218
00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:33,823
What the fuck...
219
00:17:46,120 --> 00:17:48,302
Crunch, honey, we're out of ice.
220
00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:50,747
Oh yeah, all right.
221
00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:55,741
- Thank you, Crunchie.
- Adios, fellas.
222
00:17:55,840 --> 00:17:59,626
Ice? $50 for ice? It's wintertime.
223
00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:01,709
Crunch, she's, she's not
even trying anymore.
224
00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:05,342
- Happy wife, happy life, right?
- So you say.
225
00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:07,980
Oh, I don't know, Francie.
226
00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:11,747
When I was a young buck
I thought I'd make history,
227
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:15,109
not just sit there
reading about it.
228
00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:20,191
Hell, I thought I'd be a great man.
229
00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:26,342
OK, so you're not... stereotypically
great, like Alexander the Great.
230
00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:31,347
But you're great like,
great like, like...
231
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:33,025
You're a great guy!
232
00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:36,468
Great men don't take dives for
a couple of hundred bucks.
233
00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:41,627
And great men don't
miss their fate.
234
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:45,188
Somewhere along the line I...
235
00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:48,184
I missed mine, Francie.
236
00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:51,184
I was probably staring at it
the whole time and I just...
237
00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:54,584
I missed it.
238
00:18:57,000 --> 00:19:01,424
My God, you're a downer.
A fuckin' boner killer.
239
00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:02,547
And what are you going to do?
240
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:04,639
Are you gonna sell fuckin'
insurance or something?
241
00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:07,903
Just shut the fuck up
and cheer up, please.
242
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:11,661
Allow me.
243
00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:16,822
- Yo, Dennis Calhoun?
- Who's asking?
244
00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:20,551
- It's fuckin' Sunny.
- Sounds about right.
245
00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:25,388
Hey, Crunch, there's some guy with
an eye-patch here to see you.
246
00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:43,587
Oh, easy, man!
247
00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:46,027
Where's your fuckin' brother?
248
00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:49,160
I was gonna cut bait and go home then
I realized Nicky said he had a brother.
249
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,980
Oww. Fuck!
250
00:19:56,760 --> 00:20:01,422
Sweet Baby Jesus.
What are you, a pirate?
251
00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:05,479
Hey, hey, hey. Look! I don't
know where Nicky is, all right.
252
00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:07,662
- He said you work with him.
- Yeah, a long time ago.
253
00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:10,346
Now, look, I got like $300
stashed in the bedroom there.
254
00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:13,231
It's yours. A guy in your line of
work might prefer doubloons...
255
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:14,381
I'm not a fuckin' pirate!
256
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:18,829
I don't even talk to Nicky.
I hate him.
257
00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:21,426
Here's what's what.
I want the 30 grand
258
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:23,582
- or I want that fuckin' painting.
- What painting?
259
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:26,391
- The Seurat.
- Whoa! Whoa! What?
260
00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:27,826
- The Seurat!
- What?
261
00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:30,551
The Georges Seurat,
you ignorant fuck!
262
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:32,702
The seminal French
"Post-Impressionalist".
263
00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:36,831
The father of pointillism. That
Georges Seurat, you fuckin' baboon.
264
00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:40,627
Now I want the
30 grand, the painting
265
00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:42,908
or a bullet in your fucking head!
266
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:48,309
Hey, uh...
267
00:20:48,360 --> 00:20:51,191
- Crunch, is everything OK?
- Yeah.
268
00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:53,946
What... what's happening, exactly?
269
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:57,388
- Nothing.
- What?
270
00:20:57,480 --> 00:20:59,787
I'm being held at
gunpoint by a pirate.
271
00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:01,465
I'm in the bathroom.
What do you think, Francie?
272
00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:04,305
All right. Sorry for
fuckin' askin'!
273
00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:06,986
I ain't leavin'
without the 30 grand.
274
00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:11,828
Sorry, Sinbad, but I don't think
that musketoon's gonna even fire.
275
00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:15,348
So go ahead and pull the trigger
'cause I got no painting,
276
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:19,186
no Nicky and no 30 fucking grand!
277
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:25,630
Who owns that fuckin' bike outside?
278
00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:27,185
Wait a minute, man.
279
00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:40,391
- What the fuck?
- What's going on?
280
00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:43,390
- Nicky's back.
- What?
281
00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:44,905
And so am I.
282
00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:48,143
What the fuck just happened?
283
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:52,311
Fate! Fate is what just happened.
284
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:54,145
Uncle Paddy.
285
00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:56,587
How are you, lad?
Still in the land of the living?
286
00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:59,505
You wanted to know when I was
ready to go back to work.
287
00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:01,424
Well, I'm ready.
288
00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:07,710
- Citizenship?
- Various.
289
00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:09,186
Anything to declare?
290
00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:12,549
Nothing but my undying
love for you, beautiful.
291
00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:15,981
Pull over.
292
00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:23,664
Hey, Paddy?
293
00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:37,749
- What's that?
- A Seurat.
294
00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:41,586
If this is even close to real,
Paddy's gonna make a bundle.
295
00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:44,425
Oh, it's real.
296
00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:47,948
I was hoping to get Paddy
to move it for me.
297
00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:55,671
- Oh, hi. I'm Nicky...
- I know.
298
00:22:55,720 --> 00:23:00,951
Right. Well, could you be so kind
as to give me and my brother
299
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:03,467
a moment here to catch up?
300
00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:14,270
So.
301
00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:18,391
How'd you get the scar? Motorbike?
302
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:21,944
No.
303
00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:23,585
All right, man.
304
00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:37,906
You must be Francie, are ya?
305
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:40,791
Paddy McCarthy. But for
you, it's Uncle Paddy.
306
00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:43,400
So, is there a donnybrook a-brewin'
in there? How she gettin' on?
307
00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:48,071
I understood the word "Francie".
308
00:23:48,120 --> 00:23:51,030
Fightin', are they? Ha.
So much alike those two.
309
00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:54,866
- They're literally nothing alike.
- Oh, different mothers.
310
00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:56,670
They grew up on different
sides of the country.
311
00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:59,300
Their father was the
Johnny Appleseed of sperm.
312
00:23:59,360 --> 00:24:01,144
That's revolting.
313
00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:04,543
You're gettin' old, Crunch.
314
00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:06,862
You never used to be that easy.
315
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:10,428
Look, if it's an apology you
need to put this thing to bed...
316
00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:13,504
An apology? You sent
me to prison, man.
317
00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:15,344
Exactly. I owe you one.
318
00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:18,902
No. You owe me five and a half.
319
00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:22,348
But right now, I just
wanna go back to work.
320
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:24,389
Let's do that, then.
Let's go back to work.
321
00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:27,060
I mean, I practically
apologized here.
322
00:24:27,120 --> 00:24:29,621
You boys done fistin'
in to one another?
323
00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:33,148
Ah, man. I wish you wouldn't
use that turn of phrase.
324
00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:34,830
So, can we get down to work now?
325
00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:37,267
No, Paddy. I'm not gonna help
Nicky fence that painting.
326
00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:39,119
This has nothin' to do
with Nicky's paintin'.
327
00:24:39,120 --> 00:24:41,507
And, by the way, Dennis,
he is your brother
328
00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:42,900
and one day you're gonna
have to forgive him.
329
00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:44,340
Please don't call me Dennis.
330
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:47,265
And, Nicky Boy, you're gonna pay the
piper for what ya did to Dennis.
331
00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:50,264
- I'll see to it meself.
- I want to pay the piper.
332
00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:52,468
Still not workin'
with Nicky, Paddy.
333
00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:55,191
Oh, just listen to the story
before you say no, lad.
334
00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:56,751
There's a good moral to this story.
335
00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:58,823
How big a moral are we
talking about here?
336
00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:01,904
One and a half million dollars.
337
00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:04,666
Jesus.
338
00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:08,063
Two weeks ago, I gets
a knock on me door.
339
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:17,270
Julius Friedman.
You've heard the name.
340
00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:20,105
Just stories. I've heard stories.
341
00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:22,667
The things in this man's
collection, I mean,
342
00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:27,109
if it were public knowledge, it'd close
the books on a hundred major art thefts.
343
00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:31,505
Believe me, I've seen it.
344
00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:35,585
So then Friedman asked me if I've
ever heard of the Gutenberg Bible.
345
00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:37,310
Gutenberg invents
346
00:25:37,360 --> 00:25:41,784
the printing press in 1440.
It changes everything.
347
00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:45,023
The first book he printed
was the Gutenberg Bible,
348
00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:47,023
the Mona Lisa of books.
349
00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:49,831
The most valuable
book in the world.
350
00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:51,520
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Back that shit up.
351
00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:53,469
We can't steal a Gutenberg Bible.
352
00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:56,191
We're not stealing
the Gutenberg Bible.
353
00:25:56,280 --> 00:26:00,704
The second book Gutenberg printed was
well outside the beliefs of the Church.
354
00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:05,263
The Gospel According to James.
Well, that's a legend.
355
00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:07,221
The church has been trying
to bury this gospel
356
00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:09,627
since before the
time of Constantine.
357
00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:13,341
And, to Friedman, that makes
the Gospel According to Jimmy
358
00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:14,740
even more priceless.
359
00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:17,784
So we nick your fancy book,
360
00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:21,228
hand it on over,
and make scads of loot.
361
00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:25,908
But the thing is,
it's already been stolen.
362
00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:32,511
So last month at the Vanderloos
Gallery in Amsterdam,
363
00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:37,109
our man almost gets nabbed by a cop
who sees him crawlin' out the window.
364
00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:41,511
So how is it I've not
heard that such a fancy,
365
00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:43,469
famous book as yours was nicked?
366
00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:45,429
No one knows it's stolen.
367
00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:48,311
We swapped it out for a fake.
368
00:26:48,360 --> 00:26:53,671
No one's gonna know it's
missing... until Saturday.
369
00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:56,141
Now, here's where we come in.
370
00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:58,906
They flew the book
from Europe to Canada.
371
00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:02,542
Since 9/11 you can't fly
anythin' into America anymore.
372
00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:06,461
It was supposed to go from Montreal
to Detroit, crossin' through here.
373
00:27:06,560 --> 00:27:09,664
But the driver got greedy and
tried to smuggle a brick of hash
374
00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:11,185
along with the Gospel.
375
00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:14,423
So they arrest our man,
put the Gospel in storage
376
00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:17,311
and have an expert
coming in on Saturday.
377
00:27:17,400 --> 00:27:19,502
But any expert's gonna
look at that Gospel
378
00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:22,027
and know it's the
Guttenberg original.
379
00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:24,467
Which means the Gospel
According to James
380
00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:27,863
is gonna be put under so
many locks and so many keys
381
00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:33,026
that Julius Friedman will never
catch a whiff of it again.
382
00:27:35,120 --> 00:27:37,666
We get the Bible,
we take it to Detroit.
383
00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:39,988
We collect one and a
half million dollars.
384
00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:42,620
And that, laddiekins, is that.
385
00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:50,143
Well, you're shittin' me, right?
386
00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:54,066
First off, I ain't ever heard of
this Gospel According to Jimmy.
387
00:27:54,120 --> 00:27:59,386
And number two, we're not equipped to
rob an international border station.
388
00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:03,909
Look! There's guards.
There's cameras everywhere.
389
00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:07,223
This would take months of planning and
skill sets we just don't possess!
390
00:28:07,280 --> 00:28:10,111
Forget it! We're not
the A-Team here, guys.
391
00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:13,503
I'd peg us at a D-minus
for this kind of thing.
392
00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:16,951
I thought you had something, Paddy.
393
00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:20,547
- I'm out.
- Hey, Crunch...
394
00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:23,021
- Leave him, lad.
- I got him.
395
00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:25,421
Let's go, boy.
396
00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:28,982
Sir, I'm telling you,
it's happening.
397
00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:31,302
- What's happening?
- Paddy's here, Nicky's here
398
00:28:31,360 --> 00:28:34,623
and they all just happened to converge
in the city where Crunch lives?
399
00:28:34,680 --> 00:28:36,703
And Crunch, we know he's
desperate for money.
400
00:28:36,760 --> 00:28:38,350
Sir, this is all about the Seurat.
401
00:28:38,440 --> 00:28:41,350
So I need you to authorize
eyes on every entry point
402
00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:43,389
into the country within
a half a day's travel.
403
00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:46,464
I need a full surveillance kit,
I need manpower and I need a gun.
404
00:28:46,520 --> 00:28:48,748
Look, there's no fuckin' way
you're getting a firearm.
405
00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:49,901
OK. No gun.
406
00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:53,661
Come on! Hold up!
407
00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:55,584
Let's take it down,
you're a little testy.
408
00:28:55,640 --> 00:28:57,788
Yeah, well, jail will
do that to a man.
409
00:28:57,880 --> 00:29:01,268
Let me add that "Polish Prison" isn't
quite as hilarious as it sounds.
410
00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:03,343
Whoa! Pardon me.
411
00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:05,867
I can't believe you're
still doin' that.
412
00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:06,987
- What?
- That.
413
00:29:07,040 --> 00:29:08,869
Eh, keeps me sharp.
414
00:29:08,920 --> 00:29:11,022
Listen...
415
00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:14,866
Bottom line is, I know that
you're hard up for cash.
416
00:29:14,920 --> 00:29:17,421
And let's just say, hypothetically,
417
00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:20,703
I feel bad and I wanna
make it up to you.
418
00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:24,031
So we do this thing with Paddy
419
00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:26,660
and I cut you in for
ten percent on my end.
420
00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:30,108
A sort of "Sorry for fucking
you over" money. Huh?
421
00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:32,670
Oh. Hi, little girl.
What's your name?
422
00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:35,664
- Robin.
- Oh yeah? Very cute.
423
00:29:36,920 --> 00:29:40,263
Everything out of your
mouth is nothin'.
424
00:29:40,320 --> 00:29:43,105
- How could you say that?
- Gee, I don't know.
425
00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:46,389
Maybe 'cause you just knocked over
a nine-year-old little Chinese girl.
426
00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:48,622
There's supposed to
be a code, Nicky!
427
00:29:48,720 --> 00:29:51,391
You never prey upon the
virtuous or the poor.
428
00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:53,429
You never put the
paycheck over your honor.
429
00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:55,429
And you never,
ever betray your family!
430
00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:57,987
Sure, maybe it's all just horseshit
431
00:29:58,040 --> 00:30:00,461
that we feed ourselves so we
can go to sleep at night.
432
00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:02,827
Maybe it's horseshit so
that we can fancy ourselves
433
00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:05,711
a cut above the thugs and
the gangsters of the world.
434
00:30:05,760 --> 00:30:07,703
But I bought into that
horseshit, Nicky!
435
00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:11,148
And you, you just trample
all over that horseshit.
436
00:30:11,240 --> 00:30:14,822
And you just, now you, you got shit
all over your, your boots, you know.
437
00:30:14,880 --> 00:30:17,187
You, you just... you,
you got shitty boots.
438
00:30:17,240 --> 00:30:18,751
Hey, the analogy's breaking down.
439
00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:20,265
Yeah, maybe a little.
You know what I fuckin' mean.
440
00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:22,866
Hey, what's a fella got to
do to make amends with you?
441
00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:26,303
The only thing I trust about you is
you'll be a greedy, snaky motherfucker
442
00:30:26,360 --> 00:30:28,622
- the second you see an angle.
- There is no angle.
443
00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:30,390
There's always an
angle with you, man.
444
00:30:30,440 --> 00:30:32,986
You're always hedging,
you're always working it.
445
00:30:33,040 --> 00:30:36,781
You think this is
about money, Crunch?
446
00:30:36,840 --> 00:30:38,669
Well, I got news for you.
447
00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:43,427
Think again.
448
00:30:44,560 --> 00:30:46,344
Gotta be a cheaper way to do this.
449
00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:55,426
Just because he says he's sorry
doesn't make him a changed man.
450
00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:59,380
Like just 'cause you like being drunk
doesn't make you an alcoholic.
451
00:30:59,440 --> 00:31:00,746
Ah, shit. Lola. Lola.
452
00:31:00,800 --> 00:31:04,507
Babe. Yeah. Hey.
453
00:31:04,560 --> 00:31:07,470
Go. I need to talk to Crunch.
454
00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:11,620
What are you doin' with him?
455
00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:13,708
Nicky told me you were out.
456
00:31:13,760 --> 00:31:15,749
- Yeah.
- I told him you're back in.
457
00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:16,981
Forget it. This thing smells.
458
00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:20,986
Crunch! We need the money.
How are we gonna pay our bills?
459
00:31:21,040 --> 00:31:22,904
Wow! She's good.
460
00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:26,746
Oh. So, so you made her do this?
461
00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:28,868
No. Crunch needs this.
462
00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:31,148
He needs me.
463
00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:33,946
It's a brother thing.
You wouldn't understand.
464
00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:36,831
Oh. Well, what
I understand is that,
465
00:31:36,880 --> 00:31:40,143
that's my guy and he
doesn't need you.
466
00:31:40,200 --> 00:31:45,101
Well, he needs someone to stop
him from taking dives for $800.
467
00:31:48,520 --> 00:31:50,065
Take care.
468
00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:05,267
All right. I'll do it. But
this one we do my way.
469
00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:07,064
What did ya have in mind?
470
00:32:07,120 --> 00:32:10,508
Well, let's just say things
are gonna get a little loud.
471
00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:16,265
That's where the
motorcycle kicks in.
472
00:32:16,320 --> 00:32:21,221
Simultaneously, Francie has broken out
of our giant, ceramic Trojan Horse
473
00:32:21,280 --> 00:32:23,189
with at least three
minutes of oxygen left.
474
00:32:23,240 --> 00:32:25,502
Paddy's taking care of the
guards, after rappelling
475
00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:28,027
through the ceiling and
changing out of his cat suit.
476
00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:30,467
And Nicky's already dealt
with the main gate
477
00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:34,830
using 2.5 pounds of
all-American TNT.
478
00:32:34,880 --> 00:32:37,586
In and out in 4.25 minutes.
479
00:32:37,680 --> 00:32:41,865
This may be the worst idea
in the history of the world.
480
00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:46,469
- We just need a computer guy!
- Crunch, there is no computer guy!
481
00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:49,430
There's no dude who can feed a video
loop to make some security guard
482
00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:51,025
think all is hunky dory,
483
00:32:51,080 --> 00:32:54,821
while burglars in cat suits
rappel from the ceiling.
484
00:32:54,880 --> 00:32:59,463
By the way, I think Uncle Paddy's black
Spandex days are way behind him.
485
00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:02,544
And as for your Trojan Horse thing,
486
00:33:02,600 --> 00:33:05,021
well, I don't even know
where to begin with that.
487
00:33:05,080 --> 00:33:07,262
I actually thought that
was kind of bad-ass.
488
00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:10,071
- Pardon me, you are who?
- He's my apprentice.
489
00:33:10,120 --> 00:33:15,021
- Oh. So you're a wizard now?
- Ah, fuck you, Nicky.
490
00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:18,070
Look, the Reverend's got
somebody on the inside.
491
00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:21,110
And we need to find out
who that is. Uncle Paddy,
492
00:33:21,160 --> 00:33:23,740
I want you to call the
Reverend and get us a name.
493
00:33:41,120 --> 00:33:42,745
Call me Ponch.
494
00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:45,506
I'm Nicky. Paddy. Francie. Crunch.
495
00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:49,187
Those are some shitty aliases.
Y'all sound like chocolate bars.
496
00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:52,344
Where's Twix?
497
00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:56,903
Oh, wait. Crunch Calhoun?
498
00:33:56,960 --> 00:33:59,745
No! Dude.
499
00:33:59,800 --> 00:34:04,462
I once saw you almost jump six
cars in Buffalo. Changed my life.
500
00:34:04,560 --> 00:34:07,231
Listen, the Reverend said that you
could help us out for 10,000.
501
00:34:07,280 --> 00:34:08,711
Tempting, but not a chance. No.
502
00:34:08,760 --> 00:34:11,067
I told the Reverend everything
I know for twice that.
503
00:34:11,120 --> 00:34:14,030
And I got so sick from nerves
I didn't eat, shit or sleep for a week.
504
00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:17,707
- I'm not your guy.
- If you were our guy.
505
00:34:19,040 --> 00:34:21,222
If I were your guy,
I'd go about forgetting it.
506
00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:25,101
There's 12 cameras, 12 of them.
That's one dozen cameras.
507
00:34:25,160 --> 00:34:27,627
- Any in the storage room?
- No, but everywhere else.
508
00:34:27,680 --> 00:34:31,307
Three guards, backup generator.
It's impossible.
509
00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:35,181
- I don't accept that.
- Well, accept it, Snickers.
510
00:34:35,240 --> 00:34:40,471
- There's always a way.
- All right, look.
511
00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:42,384
I'll tell you what I told
the Reverend, OK?
512
00:34:42,440 --> 00:34:44,941
That we called an expert.
She comes in Saturday at 10.
513
00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:46,989
Don't call me again.
514
00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:49,746
You said, "She". Who's the "she"?
515
00:34:49,800 --> 00:34:52,221
- Who?
- The expert.
516
00:34:52,280 --> 00:34:54,587
Olga Something-Long.
517
00:34:54,640 --> 00:34:57,584
Olga Something-Long?
518
00:34:57,640 --> 00:35:01,984
Olga Panofsky-Cienfuegos?
519
00:35:02,040 --> 00:35:03,824
Something like that.
520
00:35:07,120 --> 00:35:08,460
Later, Crunch.
521
00:35:10,320 --> 00:35:13,503
Wait, why... Who's, who's
Olga Something-Long?
522
00:35:13,560 --> 00:35:17,107
- A badly burnt bridge.
- Oh, she was intoxicating.
523
00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:20,184
Thanks to Uncle Fucks-A-Lot,
there's no way we can get near her.
524
00:35:20,240 --> 00:35:21,359
Wait. Why not?
525
00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:23,383
Old Sloppy Balls McCarthy here
526
00:35:23,440 --> 00:35:25,239
slept with her and then
slept with her sister.
527
00:35:25,240 --> 00:35:27,388
She was intoxicating too.
528
00:35:27,440 --> 00:35:30,987
It's too bad. Olga would've
helped out for a little cash.
529
00:35:31,040 --> 00:35:34,383
- She wasn't exactly a nun.
- No, she certainly was not.
530
00:35:34,480 --> 00:35:36,264
There's gotta be like,
what, ten experts
531
00:35:36,360 --> 00:35:38,667
in the whole country
they could've called.
532
00:35:38,720 --> 00:35:42,984
Paddy probably balled half of them.
Let it go. There's always another way.
533
00:35:43,040 --> 00:35:46,701
Can we please stop talking
about old people fucking?
534
00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:54,668
OK. I got the plan.
535
00:35:54,720 --> 00:35:57,903
No. You've got "a plan."
536
00:35:57,960 --> 00:35:59,949
This ain't a dictatorship, Nicky.
537
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:01,670
We need a forger.
Let's call Dirty Ernie.
538
00:36:01,760 --> 00:36:06,263
Dirty Ernie? No, if we
need a forger we call Guy.
539
00:36:06,320 --> 00:36:07,990
What time is it in France?
540
00:36:14,400 --> 00:36:16,741
- Hello?
- Yeah, Guy, it's Nicky.
541
00:36:18,720 --> 00:36:20,390
I do not know you, Nicky.
542
00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:22,304
The son-of-a-bitch hung up on me.
543
00:36:22,360 --> 00:36:24,030
Here. Come on.
544
00:36:26,760 --> 00:36:29,625
- Hello?
- Hey, Guy.
545
00:36:29,680 --> 00:36:32,943
Hey, Crunch!
546
00:36:33,040 --> 00:36:35,746
Wow, no. Sorry. I just used up
the totality of my French there.
547
00:36:35,800 --> 00:36:39,905
It's OK. When you speak French,
it's like a donkey cock right in my ear.
548
00:36:39,960 --> 00:36:43,860
I'm on Paddy's phone so I'm gonna
keep it short. How ya fixed for work?
549
00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:46,546
You are working? With Paddy?
550
00:36:46,640 --> 00:36:49,107
- Yeah.
- With Nicky?
551
00:36:49,160 --> 00:36:51,149
Listen, I'll explain it all
to you if you come over here.
552
00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:54,986
- To America? Absolument.
- Not exactly America. Canada.
553
00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:56,790
Hm. America Light.
554
00:37:06,640 --> 00:37:08,629
OK, you want to throw things?
Throw things, OK!
555
00:37:08,680 --> 00:37:10,703
I don't give a shit! Motherfuck!
556
00:37:10,760 --> 00:37:13,386
OK. OK. No, be careful with that.
No, don't do that, OK?
557
00:37:13,440 --> 00:37:15,747
I want to see the piece of paper
that says you can go through that!
558
00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:17,425
No, don't touch it.
That is $2,000...
559
00:37:17,480 --> 00:37:22,063
He's clean. First Nicky,
then Paddy, now Guy.
560
00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:24,427
- I'm telling you, something's up.
- This is bullshit!
561
00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:27,390
- And you know it and you know it!
- I thought we had a 10-32.
562
00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:32,546
Ten thirty-two? You trying
to impress me with numbers?
563
00:37:32,640 --> 00:37:37,348
I'll give you an
impressive number: 52.
564
00:37:37,440 --> 00:37:40,464
That's the number of
millions they said I stole.
565
00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:43,066
I got a number for you: one,
566
00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:45,302
as in you help me land
this one and you're out.
567
00:37:45,360 --> 00:37:47,861
- On the lives of my kids.
- I've seen your kids.
568
00:37:47,920 --> 00:37:50,341
- You'd be better off without them.
- You're a cunt.
569
00:37:50,400 --> 00:37:51,911
You wouldn't know a vagina
570
00:37:51,960 --> 00:37:54,506
if it was four foot tall and
staring you in the face.
571
00:37:54,560 --> 00:37:57,140
I'm gonna punch you
in the fucking...
572
00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:02,751
- Aw, shit. Interpol.
- Interpol?!
573
00:38:02,840 --> 00:38:04,510
No, no, no. Don't look.
574
00:38:06,920 --> 00:38:09,785
- There's no way that's a coincidence.
- That can't be a coincidence.
575
00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:11,624
What do we do? What's the play?
576
00:38:11,720 --> 00:38:13,470
- I'll talk to him.
- No.
577
00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:14,786
He'll talk to me.
He won't talk to you.
578
00:38:14,840 --> 00:38:18,183
- I said no!
- Interpol's a real thing?
579
00:38:18,240 --> 00:38:21,389
I'm not going to cut
my fuckin' leg off.
580
00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:23,230
- Five minutes.
- Get outta here, Francie.
581
00:38:23,320 --> 00:38:24,910
- Crunch... Yeah, OK.
- Now.
582
00:38:30,240 --> 00:38:33,105
- Crunch.
- Sam?
583
00:38:34,920 --> 00:38:38,422
Men of our vintage
should be retired.
584
00:38:40,880 --> 00:38:42,982
You know, when I heard you were
working for the other side,
585
00:38:43,040 --> 00:38:46,349
I just couldn't believe it.
586
00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:49,265
At least tell me they don't
make you wear a wire.
587
00:38:49,320 --> 00:38:52,264
No. They don't make me wear a wire.
588
00:38:52,320 --> 00:38:56,744
And I get to see some fine art.
589
00:38:56,800 --> 00:39:00,985
So... what do you think they're
talking about down there?
590
00:39:02,560 --> 00:39:04,071
Still about the art, huh?
591
00:39:05,040 --> 00:39:06,983
My mother got me into it.
592
00:39:07,040 --> 00:39:11,862
We were always hard up,
but she did her best.
593
00:39:11,920 --> 00:39:14,421
Worked as a barmaid between kids.
594
00:39:16,520 --> 00:39:18,384
When I was ten or 11,
595
00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:22,306
she took me to the
V and A in London.
596
00:39:23,640 --> 00:39:26,220
And I saw an object
that blew my mind.
597
00:39:27,880 --> 00:39:33,111
It was a drinking cup fashioned
from a single piece of jade.
598
00:39:33,160 --> 00:39:38,061
It was just a cup,
but it was perfect.
599
00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:41,667
And it made me look at
everything differently.
600
00:39:41,720 --> 00:39:46,906
Turner, Monet, Vermeer,
those guys kept my eyes open.
601
00:39:46,960 --> 00:39:52,271
It was a feeling I had,
a completeness when art touched me.
602
00:39:54,560 --> 00:39:59,461
I only started getting into trouble
when I wanted to possess it.
603
00:40:01,040 --> 00:40:05,225
And you... what makes you do it?
604
00:40:05,280 --> 00:40:06,506
Money.
605
00:40:06,560 --> 00:40:09,630
Well, at least you're honest.
606
00:40:09,680 --> 00:40:12,465
It's always nice to know...
607
00:40:13,560 --> 00:40:15,981
who you can trust.
608
00:40:16,040 --> 00:40:18,461
I'm gonna find this painting.
609
00:40:18,560 --> 00:40:22,870
Not because I want to get you
or your brother in trouble.
610
00:40:22,920 --> 00:40:26,024
I just want to hold it.
611
00:40:29,800 --> 00:40:32,426
Let me ask you a question.
612
00:40:32,480 --> 00:40:34,548
You ever seen the
inside of Sing-Sing?
613
00:40:34,600 --> 00:40:37,306
- I haven't.
- 'Cause I know a lot of guys
614
00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:40,191
who would like to fuck
you inside there.
615
00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:44,148
Are you hitting on me?
616
00:40:46,440 --> 00:40:47,951
I will...
617
00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:49,386
Fuck!
618
00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:52,191
It's been a breath of fresh air.
619
00:40:52,240 --> 00:40:54,229
Looking good, Sam.
620
00:40:59,680 --> 00:41:01,782
Interpol? Fucking Interpol?!
621
00:41:01,840 --> 00:41:05,069
I'm not going to fuckin' prison!
I'm not cut out for that shit!
622
00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:06,949
You see these fuckin' arms, man?
623
00:41:07,000 --> 00:41:10,388
These wet noodles will prevent
very few prison rapes.
624
00:41:10,440 --> 00:41:12,542
Francie, I promise you
on my mother's eyes,
625
00:41:12,600 --> 00:41:15,021
- you're gonna be fine.
- You don't know that.
626
00:41:15,080 --> 00:41:19,469
You gotta trust me. Look,
ever since I've been back,
627
00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:23,227
you've been there for
me like nobody else.
628
00:41:23,280 --> 00:41:28,546
Now... I might have to
toss in the "f" word here
629
00:41:28,600 --> 00:41:32,386
to make this a bit easier but...
I fuckin' love you, man.
630
00:41:32,440 --> 00:41:34,747
OK, my turn.
631
00:41:36,240 --> 00:41:37,580
That has to be Guy.
632
00:41:40,400 --> 00:41:42,946
All right, Guy just landed
and we got a little problem.
633
00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:46,309
- Interpol.
- All right. Well, we'll adapt.
634
00:41:46,360 --> 00:41:48,303
OK?
635
00:41:51,880 --> 00:41:53,106
So?
636
00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:57,783
I'm curious to know what
kind of game you're running?
637
00:41:57,840 --> 00:42:00,830
I was curious about your game.
638
00:42:00,880 --> 00:42:04,587
We need to get on the same page.
639
00:42:04,640 --> 00:42:06,868
What do we do first?
640
00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:08,300
First, we're gonna need a fake.
641
00:42:08,360 --> 00:42:11,066
- How good must it look?
- Good enough to fool the eye.
642
00:42:12,240 --> 00:42:15,583
Identical on the outside,
inside doesn't matter.
643
00:42:15,640 --> 00:42:18,220
You've got four days.
644
00:42:18,280 --> 00:42:21,589
Crunch, I'm sorry for making
fun of your Trojan Horse idea
645
00:42:21,680 --> 00:42:22,799
because it actually plays.
646
00:42:22,800 --> 00:42:25,710
We're gonna hide that fake in
a Trojan Horse of our own.
647
00:42:25,760 --> 00:42:27,079
Something that draws attention.
648
00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:29,069
Paddy, see what you
can come up with.
649
00:42:29,120 --> 00:42:31,951
I got the perfect thing in mind.
650
00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:33,750
I don't know, what do you think?
651
00:42:33,800 --> 00:42:36,983
It makes me feel...
652
00:42:37,040 --> 00:42:40,349
safe and scared.
653
00:42:41,520 --> 00:42:43,384
Mostly scared.
654
00:42:43,440 --> 00:42:46,942
It's weird. It's
like it follows you.
655
00:42:48,080 --> 00:42:50,831
First, you caress.
656
00:42:50,920 --> 00:42:54,263
Too rough, she cracks.
657
00:42:54,320 --> 00:42:57,264
Too soft, she will not
succumb to the touch.
658
00:42:57,320 --> 00:43:03,143
Just right. It's you. Ahh.
659
00:43:04,800 --> 00:43:06,868
Then we need to get our
horse into their corral.
660
00:43:06,920 --> 00:43:11,264
But, how? You say this border
station, they inspect everything.
661
00:43:11,320 --> 00:43:14,424
Exactly. Everything going
in, everything going out.
662
00:43:14,480 --> 00:43:17,470
We can't walk in our fake
or walk out our original.
663
00:43:17,520 --> 00:43:20,942
So we're gonna get them
to take it in for us.
664
00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:25,867
We're going to use our sullied
reputation to our advantage for once.
665
00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:30,582
Crunch sets off the
bells and whistles.
666
00:43:32,040 --> 00:43:35,667
There's a standard 30-day
impound on undocumented art.
667
00:43:35,720 --> 00:43:38,585
And, because it's Crunch,
convicted art thief,
668
00:43:38,640 --> 00:43:41,664
transporting art without
the proper paperwork,
669
00:43:41,760 --> 00:43:44,625
they're gonna call the gallery
where it was purchased right away,
670
00:43:44,720 --> 00:43:46,788
to make sure that it's not stolen.
671
00:43:46,840 --> 00:43:49,261
But it ain't goin' anywhere
until Crunch shows up
672
00:43:49,320 --> 00:43:51,900
with the proof of
ownership, which we've got.
673
00:43:51,960 --> 00:43:54,222
And we know where it's being kept.
674
00:43:54,280 --> 00:43:56,303
The toad is in the hole.
675
00:43:56,400 --> 00:43:57,945
What the fuck are
you talking about?
676
00:43:58,000 --> 00:44:01,422
The fuckin' huge vagina is
in the border station now.
677
00:44:01,480 --> 00:44:05,107
Because of Crunch's record,
Interpol will be brought in.
678
00:44:05,200 --> 00:44:08,782
But, since no crime has been
committed, they can't touch us.
679
00:44:08,840 --> 00:44:11,102
What the hell am I looking at?
680
00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:14,389
It's four foot high and
staring you in the face.
681
00:44:14,440 --> 00:44:16,861
And on the day,
what about Interpol?
682
00:44:16,960 --> 00:44:19,427
They're going to be watching
us, which we need to fix.
683
00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:21,309
Francie and I will distract them
684
00:44:21,360 --> 00:44:23,827
while the switch goes down
at the border station.
685
00:44:23,880 --> 00:44:27,701
But most important thing is we've
gotta deal with Olga Something-Long.
686
00:44:27,760 --> 00:44:31,421
- Paddy?
- Well, that'll be something hard.
687
00:44:31,520 --> 00:44:34,544
Things between Olga and me
are rough as a bear's arse.
688
00:44:34,600 --> 00:44:36,039
She's got to miss that appointment.
689
00:44:36,040 --> 00:44:38,541
But, more importantly,
is we need those forms.
690
00:44:38,600 --> 00:44:41,943
- No paperwork, no access.
- I'll start tomorrow.
691
00:44:49,600 --> 00:44:53,625
- Olga, darlin'.
- Oh, no.
692
00:44:53,680 --> 00:44:56,021
No, no, no, no, you
don't get to do this.
693
00:44:57,120 --> 00:44:59,302
It took me years to forget.
694
00:44:59,360 --> 00:45:02,862
You are dead to me. You are dead!
695
00:45:02,920 --> 00:45:04,670
I'm not asking for forgiveness.
696
00:45:04,760 --> 00:45:06,988
God can forgive me, that's his job.
697
00:45:07,040 --> 00:45:11,031
- You have no control over me.
- We should never be together.
698
00:45:11,080 --> 00:45:12,944
I hate you.
699
00:45:13,000 --> 00:45:16,388
You crushed me heart and
you stained me soul.
700
00:45:16,480 --> 00:45:18,389
Fuck you.
701
00:45:18,480 --> 00:45:21,231
No, darlin'.
702
00:45:23,160 --> 00:45:25,547
Fuck you.
703
00:45:34,200 --> 00:45:35,870
Are we ready to do this?
704
00:45:41,240 --> 00:45:42,580
Let's roll!
705
00:45:43,680 --> 00:45:46,590
Just, uh, try to act natural.
706
00:45:46,680 --> 00:45:49,067
Yeah. I, I don't know
what that means.
707
00:45:49,120 --> 00:45:51,666
What do we have here?
708
00:45:53,200 --> 00:45:57,385
Two perps, one box, red.
709
00:45:57,480 --> 00:45:59,344
I betcha there's something in that.
710
00:46:02,000 --> 00:46:03,909
Here we go. They're on the move.
711
00:46:03,960 --> 00:46:06,745
Thank you. I needed to know that.
712
00:46:06,800 --> 00:46:10,621
Please continue to point out the
obvious to me as it comes up.
713
00:46:10,680 --> 00:46:13,545
- You're starting the car.
- OK. That's enough.
714
00:46:13,600 --> 00:46:17,500
- You're putting the car into gear.
- I so very much want to stab you
715
00:46:17,560 --> 00:46:19,185
in the face and throat.
716
00:46:19,240 --> 00:46:21,468
With your magic pen, no doubt.
717
00:46:28,720 --> 00:46:32,905
Saturday, ten AM. Guy walks
into the border station.
718
00:46:32,960 --> 00:46:34,519
And, man, will you
please wear a suit?
719
00:46:34,520 --> 00:46:36,987
No offense, but you
look like a slutty elf.
720
00:46:37,040 --> 00:46:40,986
What... is "elf"?
721
00:46:42,320 --> 00:46:44,309
The station gets a
call the day before
722
00:46:44,400 --> 00:46:46,343
from a woman they think is Olga.
723
00:46:46,400 --> 00:46:48,628
I cannot make it, but
my colleague, Philippe,
724
00:46:48,680 --> 00:46:50,782
- he should be there.
- Hello.
725
00:46:50,840 --> 00:46:54,501
Oh. I think I chipped a tooth.
726
00:47:05,440 --> 00:47:08,430
Olga gets a call the
day before from a man
727
00:47:08,480 --> 00:47:10,070
she thinks is from the border.
728
00:47:10,120 --> 00:47:13,349
So, while we'll not be
requiring your services,
729
00:47:13,400 --> 00:47:15,980
we will, of course, still pay.
730
00:47:31,680 --> 00:47:34,021
- Yeah, where're we at?
- I got Guy on the other line.
731
00:47:34,120 --> 00:47:36,302
OK, I'm in. How will
I know where it is?
732
00:47:36,360 --> 00:47:40,431
It's pink and three feet tall.
You're a Frenchman, you'll find it.
733
00:47:48,120 --> 00:47:51,224
Like Ponch said, with no
security cameras in the room,
734
00:47:51,280 --> 00:47:54,111
Guy can make the switch.
735
00:47:54,160 --> 00:47:56,262
All right. We got an hour to go.
736
00:47:56,320 --> 00:47:59,981
- Did you get the nylons?
- I did indeed.
737
00:48:00,040 --> 00:48:02,620
- One?
- Well, it says one pair.
738
00:48:02,680 --> 00:48:05,260
- One pair? Like a pair of pants.
- Yeah.
739
00:48:05,360 --> 00:48:07,588
Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Condescending,
740
00:48:07,640 --> 00:48:09,230
I don't buy a whole lot
of fuckin' pantyhose.
741
00:48:09,320 --> 00:48:10,990
- Fishnets?
- Yes.
742
00:48:11,040 --> 00:48:13,540
Put these over our heads we'll
look like a couple of waffles.
743
00:48:40,600 --> 00:48:42,782
This is just great.
744
00:48:42,840 --> 00:48:44,146
OK, let's go.
745
00:48:56,600 --> 00:48:59,180
- Yeah?
- Finished.
746
00:48:59,240 --> 00:49:01,707
All right, Crunch, you're up.
747
00:49:14,440 --> 00:49:18,704
No. Something's not right.
748
00:49:21,680 --> 00:49:24,750
- OK, here we go.
- What are you doing?
749
00:49:24,800 --> 00:49:28,950
This is usually how it works. Perps
go on the move, cops get moving.
750
00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:32,024
A little pro tip for you:
"perps", short for perpetrators.
751
00:49:32,080 --> 00:49:36,504
Just trust me for a second.
Don't switch the engine on.
752
00:49:42,480 --> 00:49:45,390
Seriously, what are we doing?
Why do I listen to you?
753
00:49:46,640 --> 00:49:48,549
You're being distracted.
754
00:49:48,600 --> 00:49:51,943
Like at the Quebec airport.
755
00:49:56,680 --> 00:49:59,021
The border. They're at the border.
756
00:50:09,720 --> 00:50:11,470
They stopped following us.
757
00:50:22,440 --> 00:50:25,669
Pick up. Come on, pick up.
758
00:50:29,600 --> 00:50:31,543
Two minutes away. Come on!
759
00:50:32,640 --> 00:50:33,741
Whoo!
760
00:50:51,600 --> 00:50:52,986
I'm clear.
761
00:51:03,720 --> 00:51:07,347
I'm trying to, I'm trying to.
This is what I...
762
00:51:07,400 --> 00:51:11,061
Hey! Hey! Here we go. Here we go.
763
00:51:14,360 --> 00:51:15,746
Whoo!
764
00:51:17,480 --> 00:51:19,662
Atta boy, Crunch!
765
00:51:22,240 --> 00:51:24,911
All right, just like the old days.
766
00:51:24,960 --> 00:51:27,506
Yeah, the old days where
you threw me to the cops?
767
00:51:27,600 --> 00:51:29,907
Or the old days where a
one-eyed pirate steals my bike?
768
00:51:29,960 --> 00:51:33,587
Uh, uh, uh. Now, now, gentlemen.
769
00:51:33,640 --> 00:51:35,663
Let us drink to James.
770
00:51:35,720 --> 00:51:38,710
- To James!
- To James!
771
00:51:40,680 --> 00:51:43,386
And to Nicky Boy. One for the ages.
772
00:51:48,880 --> 00:51:52,029
- Now you take a bow, Guy.
- Moi?
773
00:51:52,080 --> 00:51:55,707
Four days to fake a
500-year-old masterpiece.
774
00:51:55,800 --> 00:51:57,584
Oh, to have your talent, lad.
775
00:51:57,640 --> 00:52:00,710
It was an inspired effort. I admit.
776
00:52:00,800 --> 00:52:02,948
But I am no Yves Chaudron.
777
00:52:03,000 --> 00:52:06,388
Who's that, Yeeves Show-row?
778
00:52:06,440 --> 00:52:07,780
Stay, Crunch. You'll like this.
779
00:52:07,800 --> 00:52:09,231
Nah, I've heard this
tale a time or two.
780
00:52:09,280 --> 00:52:11,269
- I gotta take a piss.
- Come on, Crunch.
781
00:52:11,320 --> 00:52:13,502
Wait. Who's Yves Shmo-boh?
782
00:52:13,560 --> 00:52:15,981
I shall tell you of Yves Chaudron.
783
00:52:16,040 --> 00:52:19,144
For this is a story of inspiration.
784
00:52:19,240 --> 00:52:21,707
He was everything I aspire to be.
785
00:52:21,760 --> 00:52:24,784
A master, a legend.
786
00:52:24,840 --> 00:52:29,025
A man so gifted his work
would make angels cry.
787
00:52:29,120 --> 00:52:34,750
He was the one true talent behind
the greatest art theft in history.
788
00:52:34,800 --> 00:52:38,268
The theft of the Mona Lisa.
789
00:52:40,040 --> 00:52:42,825
The story begins in Paris, 1911.
790
00:52:42,880 --> 00:52:45,142
Not with Chaudron,
but with an Italian,
791
00:52:45,200 --> 00:52:47,382
a poor carpenter named Perugia
792
00:52:47,440 --> 00:52:51,465
who, a few months before the theft,
works a contract at the Louvre.
793
00:52:51,560 --> 00:52:55,221
As with any menial job,
he learns many menial things.
794
00:52:55,280 --> 00:52:57,144
Such as where the
entrances and exits are,
795
00:52:57,200 --> 00:52:59,951
the guards' names,
rotations and the like.
796
00:53:00,000 --> 00:53:03,946
Little did he know that this
otherwise useless information
797
00:53:04,000 --> 00:53:06,387
would prove to be quite important.
798
00:53:06,440 --> 00:53:09,623
For it is when Perugia's
contract ends
799
00:53:09,680 --> 00:53:12,624
that his destiny begins.
800
00:53:12,680 --> 00:53:16,341
Fate taps Perugia on the shoulder.
801
00:53:16,400 --> 00:53:20,664
Eduardo de Valfierno,
a criminal mastermind.
802
00:53:20,720 --> 00:53:25,064
Valfierno asks Perugia
to steal the Mona Lisa
803
00:53:25,120 --> 00:53:29,464
for $30, 000. It's like
a million back then,
804
00:53:29,560 --> 00:53:33,585
an offer a poor carpenter
could never refuse.
805
00:53:33,640 --> 00:53:36,425
The adventure of the theft
is a story in and of itself.
806
00:53:36,520 --> 00:53:39,863
In short, through luck,
cunning, lazy security
807
00:53:39,920 --> 00:53:43,581
and the horrible disadvantage of
being Italian, he actually succeeds.
808
00:53:43,640 --> 00:53:49,031
The carpenter steals the Mona Lisa
and the theft makes world news.
809
00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:55,262
As promised,
he produces the Mona Lisa.
810
00:53:55,320 --> 00:53:59,061
Valfierno produces the money.
But he makes a strange request.
811
00:53:59,120 --> 00:54:01,507
He asks him to hold on to
her just a little longer
812
00:54:01,560 --> 00:54:04,311
so he can arrange for
her transit overseas.
813
00:54:04,360 --> 00:54:07,304
Perugia agrees and waits,
814
00:54:07,360 --> 00:54:10,031
and waits and waits.
815
00:54:10,080 --> 00:54:12,501
His story ends here.
816
00:54:12,600 --> 00:54:15,704
And it is now that I tell
you of Yves Chaudron.
817
00:54:15,760 --> 00:54:17,942
Six months before the theft,
818
00:54:18,000 --> 00:54:21,946
Valfierno commissions Yves Chaudron,
the world's greatest forger,
819
00:54:22,000 --> 00:54:25,263
to reproduce the Mona Lisa
six times and perfect,
820
00:54:25,360 --> 00:54:28,350
an Herculean task only
Chaudron could accomplish.
821
00:54:28,400 --> 00:54:30,389
Valfierno then sails to America
822
00:54:30,440 --> 00:54:32,861
and finds six of the
greediest art collectors
823
00:54:32,920 --> 00:54:35,182
and poses this question to them:
824
00:54:35,240 --> 00:54:38,105
"Should the Mona Lisa
suddenly become available,
825
00:54:38,160 --> 00:54:40,831
would you pay three hundred
thousand dollars for it?"
826
00:54:40,920 --> 00:54:45,264
He asks all six,
and all six say, "Yes."
827
00:54:45,320 --> 00:54:49,345
And that is when Valfierno pays
Perugia to steal the Mona Lisa.
828
00:54:49,400 --> 00:54:51,867
He then ships Chaudron's
perfect fakes
829
00:54:51,920 --> 00:54:55,388
and collects $1.8 million.
830
00:54:55,440 --> 00:54:58,305
A fortune beyond comprehension.
831
00:55:01,080 --> 00:55:05,390
You see, all he needed
was the news of the theft,
832
00:55:05,440 --> 00:55:08,828
not the Mona Lisa.
833
00:55:08,880 --> 00:55:14,828
To him, she herself, is worthless.
834
00:55:16,760 --> 00:55:20,910
And that is the story of the
theft of the Mona Lisa.
835
00:55:23,440 --> 00:55:26,430
I first heard that story
when I was a small boy.
836
00:55:26,480 --> 00:55:31,586
I knew even then I wanted to have the
skills to pull something that great off.
837
00:55:31,680 --> 00:55:34,989
- And that's why I do what I do.
- I do it for the ladies.
838
00:55:39,080 --> 00:55:41,660
Well, here's to tomorrow,
839
00:55:41,720 --> 00:55:44,744
and the Reverend gets his goods
and we get our just rewards.
840
00:55:44,800 --> 00:55:47,983
- Tomorrow!
- Tomorrow!
841
00:56:02,280 --> 00:56:05,065
Ohhh, fuck.
842
00:56:05,120 --> 00:56:08,110
Oh, Jesus, Mary and Joseph.
843
00:56:08,160 --> 00:56:12,629
I, I taste an ashtray
and battery acid
844
00:56:12,720 --> 00:56:15,471
and, like, stripper perfume.
845
00:56:15,520 --> 00:56:19,784
So, we headed for Detroit? Finish
things up with the Reverend, or what?
846
00:56:19,840 --> 00:56:22,341
Yeah, that's right.
We all just pile into the car
847
00:56:22,440 --> 00:56:25,828
like the Brady Bunch and just
breeze on into the States, right?
848
00:56:25,880 --> 00:56:27,584
They already flagged me
for coming over here.
849
00:56:27,640 --> 00:56:29,390
- Yeah, me too.
- Me too.
850
00:56:29,440 --> 00:56:33,147
They don't like me a lot either, so...
what exactly is your plan?
851
00:56:33,240 --> 00:56:37,425
Well, we need someone with a
clean sheet. Francie, you're up.
852
00:56:37,480 --> 00:56:38,661
Me?!
853
00:56:45,880 --> 00:56:48,586
Really? Why am I wearing this shit?
854
00:56:48,640 --> 00:56:50,230
Because Interpol knows
what you look like.
855
00:56:50,280 --> 00:56:53,543
OK, but don't the Amish
ride horse and carriages?
856
00:56:54,800 --> 00:56:57,346
- Well, you're progressive.
- I can't fucking do this!
857
00:56:57,400 --> 00:57:00,549
Well, you better get your best
Brando on, hoss, 'cause we need you.
858
00:57:00,640 --> 00:57:03,425
Yeah, look, Francie,
it's not The King's Speech.
859
00:57:03,520 --> 00:57:06,385
Come here. You got two lines:
860
00:57:06,480 --> 00:57:09,311
"Going to Detroit."
And "Nothing to declare."
861
00:57:09,400 --> 00:57:11,628
You're gonna be great.
862
00:57:11,680 --> 00:57:14,784
- I'll meet him there.
- Oh. Will you?
863
00:57:14,840 --> 00:57:18,262
Yeah. Hey, look, somebody's
got to be in Detroit
864
00:57:18,320 --> 00:57:21,947
- to close the deal with the Reverend.
- Nicky, I'm goin' with ya.
865
00:57:22,040 --> 00:57:24,063
- We're both hiding in the trunk.
- The trunk?
866
00:57:24,120 --> 00:57:26,507
I'm not hidin' in a trunk.
867
00:57:26,560 --> 00:57:29,425
Well, then no one's
going to Detroit.
868
00:57:29,480 --> 00:57:31,999
'Cause if you're alone when you
get your digits on that money,
869
00:57:32,000 --> 00:57:33,465
we'll never see you again.
870
00:57:35,040 --> 00:57:38,110
All right, man. Fine.
871
00:57:38,160 --> 00:57:40,547
Pop it, Francie.
872
00:57:40,640 --> 00:57:43,425
- What are you doing?
- Yeah, what are you doing?
873
00:57:43,520 --> 00:57:45,031
Hopefully, you won't have to know.
874
00:57:45,080 --> 00:57:48,389
Yes, sir. But if you
just give me...
875
00:57:48,480 --> 00:57:51,470
Sir, we are so very
close on this. We just...
876
00:57:53,400 --> 00:57:56,982
No, I realize I'm not supposed to be
in the field, but that's not the...
877
00:57:57,040 --> 00:58:00,349
OK. Yeah.
878
00:58:00,400 --> 00:58:03,390
Are we clear?
Are we clear? Goodbye.
879
00:58:06,200 --> 00:58:10,385
OK. We need to just start
at the beginning here, OK?
880
00:58:12,320 --> 00:58:13,467
Square one...
881
00:58:17,160 --> 00:58:18,671
art.
882
00:58:20,160 --> 00:58:22,467
- They pay you for this?
- Shut up!
883
00:58:22,560 --> 00:58:27,348
Do you often feel that your
life is just passing you by?
884
00:58:27,440 --> 00:58:32,102
I cannot even be in
the same room as you!
885
00:58:40,880 --> 00:58:43,824
OK. OK, Francie.
886
00:58:47,160 --> 00:58:49,388
I got an idea.
887
00:58:49,440 --> 00:58:53,147
I think we can make a lot
more money off that Gospel.
888
00:58:53,200 --> 00:58:55,064
Hold out for more
from the Reverend?
889
00:58:55,120 --> 00:58:57,222
No, we don't even
deliver it to him.
890
00:58:57,280 --> 00:59:00,145
OK. I fail to see how
that makes us rich.
891
00:59:00,200 --> 00:59:04,589
Guy telling that story about
the Mona Lisa got me thinking.
892
00:59:04,680 --> 00:59:06,862
There's a real parallel here.
893
00:59:08,480 --> 00:59:10,947
Great. Parallel. Not interested.
894
00:59:11,000 --> 00:59:12,943
Listen, don't dismiss
the idea out of spite.
895
00:59:13,000 --> 00:59:16,070
- Not interested.
- Hear me out!
896
00:59:16,120 --> 00:59:21,181
Uncle Paddy can come up with
at least ten more buyers.
897
00:59:21,280 --> 00:59:24,463
And we can get Guy to duplicate
a book for each one of them.
898
00:59:24,520 --> 00:59:28,545
We contact the gallery, we let
them know their book is stolen.
899
00:59:28,600 --> 00:59:30,862
The news hits the paper and boom.
900
00:59:30,960 --> 00:59:33,984
Meanwhile we ship off ten
copies to ten buyers.
901
00:59:34,040 --> 00:59:35,660
Each one thinks they
have the original.
902
00:59:35,680 --> 00:59:38,021
Goddamn it if it's not perfect.
903
00:59:42,440 --> 00:59:44,508
You know...
904
00:59:44,600 --> 00:59:48,307
I think we could make
half a mil per book.
905
00:59:48,360 --> 00:59:51,270
No, you know, twice that.
906
00:59:54,080 --> 00:59:56,103
- You know how much that is?
- Ten million.
907
00:59:56,160 --> 00:59:57,944
That's right.
908
01:00:03,840 --> 01:00:05,783
Uh, all right, boys.
909
01:00:05,840 --> 01:00:09,308
We're here so just be quiet, OK?
910
01:00:09,360 --> 01:00:11,940
- Just be cool!
- Two lines!
911
01:00:12,040 --> 01:00:14,666
"Going to Detroit!
Nothing to declare!"
912
01:00:14,720 --> 01:00:17,710
OK, I know! Act normal.
Be normal. Act normal.
913
01:00:17,800 --> 01:00:20,221
Just be a cool guy.
You're a cool guy, Francie.
914
01:00:20,280 --> 01:00:23,623
You're a fuckin' cool guy.
I am not cut out for this.
915
01:00:26,880 --> 01:00:29,062
- Citizenship...
- My name is Francie Tobin!
916
01:00:29,120 --> 01:00:31,985
Well, that's great, son.
917
01:00:32,040 --> 01:00:33,790
- Where you headed?
- Canada!
918
01:00:33,840 --> 01:00:35,465
Uh, you're heading in
the wrong direction...
919
01:00:35,520 --> 01:00:39,147
Arrgghh! Canada's,
that's where I came from.
920
01:00:39,200 --> 01:00:41,462
Where I'm... Detroit
is where I'm heading,
921
01:00:41,520 --> 01:00:45,102
not, not Canada,
which is where I'm from.
922
01:00:45,200 --> 01:00:46,950
Anything to declare?
923
01:00:47,000 --> 01:00:50,229
No. Not... not even a little bit.
924
01:00:50,280 --> 01:00:52,860
Uh, your beard's falling off.
925
01:00:52,960 --> 01:00:58,066
Oh. That's, that's 'cause
I'm, I'm in a play.
926
01:00:58,120 --> 01:01:01,702
- What's the play called?
- Witness, The Musical.
927
01:01:01,800 --> 01:01:03,425
Witness, exclamation mark.
928
01:01:05,080 --> 01:01:06,784
Are you sure there's nothing
you want to declare?
929
01:01:06,840 --> 01:01:08,704
The play is terrible.
930
01:01:10,960 --> 01:01:13,427
- Anything in the trunk?
- No!
931
01:01:14,880 --> 01:01:18,348
Are you absolutely positive
you have nothing to declare?
932
01:01:21,800 --> 01:01:23,311
I'm sorry?
933
01:01:23,360 --> 01:01:25,542
Do you think I have
smugglers in my trunk?
934
01:01:25,600 --> 01:01:28,306
- No!
- I have two American thieves
935
01:01:28,360 --> 01:01:31,828
in the trunk of this car that I'm
crossing your border with right now.
936
01:01:31,880 --> 01:01:33,869
Please! Please, have a look.
937
01:01:33,960 --> 01:01:38,270
See, see all the criminal activity
happening in my trunk right now!
938
01:01:38,320 --> 01:01:40,309
Open the trunk, sir.
939
01:01:40,360 --> 01:01:42,500
- Open the...
- Open the trunk, just open the trunk.
940
01:01:42,520 --> 01:01:44,861
- So I'll just... Oh!
- Nicky, Nicky, Nicky!
941
01:01:44,920 --> 01:01:46,784
Yep. Got 'em. Got 'em.
942
01:01:46,840 --> 01:01:48,942
- On the count of three.
- Drugs, son?
943
01:01:49,000 --> 01:01:51,785
- Oh, no. I'm good, buddy.
- No, I mean, are you on...
944
01:01:51,840 --> 01:01:53,039
Just open the trunk, please.
945
01:01:53,040 --> 01:01:54,824
- Yeah, OK.
- One.
946
01:01:54,880 --> 01:01:56,982
Two. Three.
947
01:01:57,040 --> 01:02:00,622
OK, here we go!
948
01:02:03,280 --> 01:02:06,384
Alrighty, looks like
you're good to go.
949
01:02:07,480 --> 01:02:10,345
Uhh! I just need to
tell you something.
950
01:02:10,400 --> 01:02:14,789
I liked Predator Two.
951
01:02:14,840 --> 01:02:17,147
Well, yeah, I didn't
mind Predator Two.
952
01:02:17,200 --> 01:02:19,302
- It's not bad.
- Its OK. Danny Glover.
953
01:02:19,360 --> 01:02:21,349
- You can't go wrong.
- No.
954
01:02:21,400 --> 01:02:23,502
- Break a leg.
- Oh, yeah! Thank you.
955
01:02:23,560 --> 01:02:25,389
- Because I'm an actor.
- Yeah.
956
01:02:25,440 --> 01:02:27,781
Oh, fuck, this sucks!
957
01:02:57,320 --> 01:02:59,343
- I'm gonna fuckin' kill him.
- Wait your turn.
958
01:03:00,440 --> 01:03:03,271
- Come on!
- I'm never doing this shit again!
959
01:03:03,320 --> 01:03:05,388
- You motherfucker!
- No, no! Hold on!
960
01:03:05,440 --> 01:03:06,985
What the fuck is this! Come on!
961
01:03:07,040 --> 01:03:10,110
- Fuck you!
- Hold on! Hey!
962
01:03:10,160 --> 01:03:11,591
Fuck the both of you!
963
01:03:11,680 --> 01:03:12,941
- You fucked up, man.
- I fucked up!
964
01:03:13,000 --> 01:03:14,380
All right, all right, all right!
965
01:03:14,400 --> 01:03:16,502
I promise you, I'm not
gonna hit the kid.
966
01:03:16,600 --> 01:03:19,021
- All right.
- You fucker!
967
01:03:19,080 --> 01:03:21,228
- What did you do that for?
- Fuck you! Oh!
968
01:03:21,280 --> 01:03:24,190
You had to do it. You
proud of yourself?
969
01:03:24,240 --> 01:03:26,946
- You motherfucker!
- Please!
970
01:03:27,000 --> 01:03:29,671
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Hey, man. How's business?
971
01:03:31,000 --> 01:03:34,229
It's fucking slow, man.
972
01:03:42,080 --> 01:03:43,989
All right, what is this place?
973
01:03:44,040 --> 01:03:45,551
His office is on the third floor.
974
01:03:45,600 --> 01:03:47,987
I think he paid like three
grand for the whole place.
975
01:03:48,040 --> 01:03:50,586
He overpaid.
976
01:03:52,000 --> 01:03:55,741
This is a golden opportunity.
I'm not doing this for me.
977
01:03:55,800 --> 01:03:58,904
You know I'm flush.
I'm doing this for you.
978
01:03:58,960 --> 01:04:01,461
We're dropping this off, we're making
a hell of a decent score here.
979
01:04:01,560 --> 01:04:02,946
And in five minutes
we're going home.
980
01:04:03,000 --> 01:04:04,784
Give me a reason.
Give me one reason.
981
01:04:04,840 --> 01:04:08,547
OK. Where do we find the money
to pay for these fakes?
982
01:04:08,600 --> 01:04:11,067
It cost Guy ten grand to fake one.
983
01:04:11,120 --> 01:04:13,427
These fakes would have to
stand up to carbon dating
984
01:04:13,480 --> 01:04:15,025
and expert scrutiny shit.
985
01:04:15,120 --> 01:04:17,700
Ten grand a book, that's a
hundred grand. I can front it.
986
01:04:17,760 --> 01:04:18,941
You got a 100 grand
laying around, Nicky?
987
01:04:19,040 --> 01:04:21,142
Yes, I do.
988
01:04:24,920 --> 01:04:26,909
You know, I guess this is it.
989
01:04:26,960 --> 01:04:28,789
This could have been big.
990
01:04:28,880 --> 01:04:31,950
We could have made history.
991
01:04:42,760 --> 01:04:44,066
Damn it.
992
01:04:46,280 --> 01:04:49,463
All right, let's go downstairs
and talk about it.
993
01:04:55,160 --> 01:04:58,423
A million per book.
Ten million bucks, guys.
994
01:04:58,480 --> 01:05:01,504
- You interested?
- Of course, I'm fucking interested.
995
01:05:01,560 --> 01:05:04,061
- Wonderful.
- Uncle Paddy?
996
01:05:04,120 --> 01:05:05,745
Ten buyers, I can find. Maybe more.
997
01:05:05,800 --> 01:05:09,268
No, no, no. Let's stick with ten.
Let's not get greedy here.
998
01:05:09,320 --> 01:05:12,185
- Guy, when can you get started?
- Today. Now.
999
01:05:12,240 --> 01:05:15,230
It will take me maybe
three weeks... No, one month.
1000
01:05:15,280 --> 01:05:17,906
- I just need money.
- OK, 100 grand, that's covered.
1001
01:05:17,960 --> 01:05:20,028
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
1002
01:05:20,080 --> 01:05:22,581
Seven hundred,
fifty thousand, minimum.
1003
01:05:22,640 --> 01:05:24,390
You just made one for ten thousand.
1004
01:05:24,480 --> 01:05:28,301
No. I made the cover for ten grand.
The pages are total shit.
1005
01:05:28,400 --> 01:05:32,346
And if you want these to pass the carbon
dating and the professional scrutiny,
1006
01:05:32,400 --> 01:05:35,629
- seven hundred fifty.
- Do we need to carbon date them?
1007
01:05:35,680 --> 01:05:38,021
With our buyers, most certainly.
1008
01:05:38,120 --> 01:05:41,303
That's it, man.
Let's go take it back.
1009
01:05:41,360 --> 01:05:43,588
All right, look.
1010
01:05:43,640 --> 01:05:47,108
I could come up with
about $300,000.
1011
01:05:47,160 --> 01:05:48,182
- But...
- What?
1012
01:05:48,240 --> 01:05:51,662
Gonna take me a couple days.
We still need 450.
1013
01:05:51,760 --> 01:05:54,340
I can pull together
a hundred thousand.
1014
01:05:54,400 --> 01:05:56,184
I can do one hundred.
1015
01:05:56,240 --> 01:06:00,186
OK. That's five.
We're still 250 short.
1016
01:06:00,240 --> 01:06:02,422
Yeah.
1017
01:06:04,280 --> 01:06:07,987
OK, we'll be home at dawn.
Let's figure this out tomorrow.
1018
01:06:08,040 --> 01:06:09,551
OK.
1019
01:06:11,680 --> 01:06:13,544
- Crunch.
- What?
1020
01:06:13,600 --> 01:06:16,431
- How much money have you got?
- I got nothin'.
1021
01:06:18,200 --> 01:06:22,350
If there was ever a reason
to mortgage your home...
1022
01:06:22,400 --> 01:06:23,990
Oh, no, no, no, no, man.
I'm not doing that.
1023
01:06:24,080 --> 01:06:25,989
No, not the house.
That's all I got.
1024
01:06:26,080 --> 01:06:28,706
If we pull this off,
you can buy ten of 'em.
1025
01:06:28,760 --> 01:06:32,501
Look, man, I just...
Look, I don't know, OK?
1026
01:06:32,560 --> 01:06:35,266
Listen, I gotta think about it.
I wanna run it by Lola.
1027
01:06:35,320 --> 01:06:37,519
Well, don't take too long.
We don't have time to lose.
1028
01:06:37,520 --> 01:06:41,022
Don't talk to me about
lost time, Nicky.
1029
01:06:53,600 --> 01:06:55,509
I know what you want.
1030
01:06:55,560 --> 01:07:00,063
Good. 'Cause you're gonna
need to talk to him.
1031
01:07:01,440 --> 01:07:02,826
He will never give
you all that money.
1032
01:07:02,880 --> 01:07:04,311
No, but he'll give it to you.
1033
01:07:04,360 --> 01:07:06,622
- To me?
- He trusts you.
1034
01:07:06,680 --> 01:07:10,466
And we're gonna be wiring
money all over the world.
1035
01:07:10,520 --> 01:07:12,861
You're the only one that's
not on any watch list.
1036
01:07:12,960 --> 01:07:15,028
- Francie isn't.
- Francie hasn't taken a bath
1037
01:07:15,080 --> 01:07:17,751
in six weeks.
1038
01:07:17,840 --> 01:07:19,704
Come on.
1039
01:07:21,360 --> 01:07:22,950
Can you convince him?
1040
01:07:27,120 --> 01:07:29,348
It's no good. It's no good.
She's making you, Crunch.
1041
01:07:29,440 --> 01:07:31,144
She's probably fucking Nicky.
1042
01:07:31,200 --> 01:07:33,985
Hey, easy. Easy, Francie, come on.
1043
01:07:34,040 --> 01:07:36,711
We should just walk.
I mean, he's juicing you
1044
01:07:36,760 --> 01:07:39,830
for hundreds of thousands
of dollars, Crunch.
1045
01:07:39,880 --> 01:07:44,190
Cowards die many times
before their actual death.
1046
01:07:44,240 --> 01:07:46,946
The brave, only but once.
1047
01:07:47,040 --> 01:07:48,904
Is that Julius Caesar?
1048
01:07:49,000 --> 01:07:53,867
Yes! Look, I know how you
feel about Nicky, believe me.
1049
01:07:54,720 --> 01:07:56,629
But this...
1050
01:07:58,760 --> 01:08:02,148
this is the one we're all
gonna be remembered for.
1051
01:08:02,200 --> 01:08:04,906
Ah, Jesus Murphy.
1052
01:08:31,560 --> 01:08:33,105
Ah, you waste no time.
1053
01:08:33,160 --> 01:08:35,069
What can I say? I'm excited.
1054
01:08:35,120 --> 01:08:37,268
OK. Great, we're all here.
1055
01:08:37,320 --> 01:08:40,390
So, starting tomorrow,
there'll be no contact.
1056
01:08:40,440 --> 01:08:43,430
During that time period Paddy
will have made the sales,
1057
01:08:43,480 --> 01:08:47,062
Guy will have completed the books.
Crunch will be ready to ship them.
1058
01:08:47,120 --> 01:08:49,985
And Lola will be
handling the money.
1059
01:08:50,040 --> 01:08:52,791
In a month's time,
we'll contact Amsterdam,
1060
01:08:52,840 --> 01:08:56,990
the news will get out, we ship
the books and we get rich.
1061
01:08:57,040 --> 01:08:59,142
Ha. The Reverend's
gonna be some pissed.
1062
01:08:59,200 --> 01:09:01,701
- I'll take care of the Reverend.
- I'll call you with his number.
1063
01:09:01,760 --> 01:09:04,511
All right, Nicky,
I just gotta say this.
1064
01:09:04,560 --> 01:09:07,584
If you're gettin' ready to
do me wrong here somehow,
1065
01:09:07,640 --> 01:09:10,141
this is your chance. Just don't
take this and all is forgiven, man.
1066
01:09:10,200 --> 01:09:11,711
No harm, no foul.
1067
01:09:13,120 --> 01:09:17,191
Crunch, I'm sorry
about what happened.
1068
01:09:17,240 --> 01:09:19,627
OK, I fucked up.
1069
01:09:19,680 --> 01:09:21,942
I wish I could do
it all over again.
1070
01:09:22,000 --> 01:09:25,070
But I can't. We gotta move on.
1071
01:09:26,720 --> 01:09:31,144
Look, you've always wanted to
do something big, we all have.
1072
01:09:31,200 --> 01:09:32,950
This is our chance.
1073
01:09:33,000 --> 01:09:38,823
Come on, man, let's do this
together, like brothers.
1074
01:09:45,400 --> 01:09:46,387
OK, man, I'm in.
1075
01:09:47,960 --> 01:09:50,586
All right. Here's to us, huh?
1076
01:09:50,640 --> 01:09:52,504
Right!
1077
01:09:54,360 --> 01:09:56,667
Gettin' our just rewards.
1078
01:10:11,480 --> 01:10:14,470
Truly breathtaking, it is.
1079
01:10:14,560 --> 01:10:18,107
Oh, bloody hell. Hey, Midge.
How you fixed for quarters?
1080
01:10:18,160 --> 01:10:20,308
- Dirty Ernie.
- Hey, Nicky!
1081
01:10:20,400 --> 01:10:23,629
- Give us a hug!
- I'm not a big hugger, Ernie.
1082
01:10:23,680 --> 01:10:28,149
Huh. Midge, go take a walk.
1083
01:10:28,240 --> 01:10:30,104
I'll see you at the hotel.
1084
01:10:33,040 --> 01:10:36,189
Now watch it, Ernie. The hookers
in this town aren't the cleanest.
1085
01:10:36,240 --> 01:10:41,267
- Hey! That's my wife.
- Oh. Ernie, I'm sorry.
1086
01:10:41,320 --> 01:10:45,505
Yeah, it's just, I guess the fashion in
Europe is so much further ahead...
1087
01:10:45,560 --> 01:10:50,348
I'm pulling your chain, mate.
That's a hooker.
1088
01:10:52,240 --> 01:10:55,310
So, what's the plan?
1089
01:10:58,040 --> 01:11:02,748
OK. You're gonna knock off ten copies
of the Gospel According to James.
1090
01:11:02,800 --> 01:11:05,141
- All right.
- Simultaneously,
1091
01:11:05,200 --> 01:11:07,780
Guy De Cornet will be in that
building doing the same.
1092
01:11:07,840 --> 01:11:11,103
No. He sickens me, he does.
His work is so ostentatious...
1093
01:11:11,200 --> 01:11:14,224
Oh, forget him. Just
focus on your own work.
1094
01:11:14,280 --> 01:11:18,624
- Here's a key to the building.
- All right.
1095
01:11:18,680 --> 01:11:20,623
Guy's books will be perfect.
1096
01:11:20,680 --> 01:11:23,511
They'll pass carbon dating,
expert analysis, everything.
1097
01:11:23,560 --> 01:11:28,029
However, your copies, they won't
need any of that carbon dating crap.
1098
01:11:28,080 --> 01:11:30,148
They'll just need
to look convincing.
1099
01:11:30,200 --> 01:11:33,702
Oh, that's much, much cheaper.
But tell me this, why?
1100
01:11:33,760 --> 01:11:36,511
Why bother getting all that
proper paper for Guy's books?
1101
01:11:36,600 --> 01:11:39,226
Why... why bother working
that lot at all?
1102
01:11:39,280 --> 01:11:42,111
Because I plan on sending
your ten copies of the book
1103
01:11:42,160 --> 01:11:44,706
to the buyers before
they can send theirs.
1104
01:11:44,760 --> 01:11:46,624
This way, you and I
can split it two ways
1105
01:11:46,680 --> 01:11:49,067
instead of me having to cut
it up five ways with them.
1106
01:11:49,120 --> 01:11:51,541
I see. Family's family,
but money's money, eh?
1107
01:11:51,600 --> 01:11:55,546
Yeah, well, let me tell you
something about family.
1108
01:11:55,600 --> 01:11:59,227
Crunch would do the same damn thing
if he had any brains in his head.
1109
01:11:59,280 --> 01:12:02,702
Yeah, but then he
delivers his books
1110
01:12:02,760 --> 01:12:05,386
a week after you've
delivered yours,
1111
01:12:05,440 --> 01:12:09,511
they're gonna crucify him,
and that greasy twat, Guy.
1112
01:12:09,560 --> 01:12:12,311
But then they're gonna come
after you, my fine chum.
1113
01:12:12,360 --> 01:12:16,510
I won't be around.
1114
01:12:17,560 --> 01:12:19,071
Yeah?
1115
01:12:19,120 --> 01:12:22,190
Nicky, you still want
the Reverend's number?
1116
01:12:22,240 --> 01:12:25,901
- Text it to me, Paddy.
- Consider it done.
1117
01:12:32,200 --> 01:12:34,382
- Yeah, what?
- Yeah. Hi, Reverend.
1118
01:12:34,440 --> 01:12:35,701
It's Nicky Calhoun.
1119
01:12:37,600 --> 01:12:40,749
What? Nicky Calhoun?
1120
01:12:40,800 --> 01:12:43,062
What are you doin' callin' me?
1121
01:12:43,120 --> 01:12:46,144
Listen, I just wanted to let you
know that we've got your book
1122
01:12:46,200 --> 01:12:49,861
and just wanted to give you a
heads up, there's a slight delay.
1123
01:12:49,920 --> 01:12:52,387
- Delay?
- Right. With the delivery time.
1124
01:12:52,440 --> 01:12:56,545
- It might take a month or so.
- Look, I don't know what the fuck
1125
01:12:56,640 --> 01:12:59,391
you're talking about.
Don't call me again.
1126
01:13:01,200 --> 01:13:04,907
Listen, I'm gonna come see you and
we can discuss it then. How's that?
1127
01:13:06,480 --> 01:13:10,141
Reverend? Reverend?
1128
01:13:13,520 --> 01:13:15,668
Not here. Leave a message.
1129
01:13:15,720 --> 01:13:17,060
Reverend, again,
I apologize about the delay.
1130
01:13:17,160 --> 01:13:20,343
I'm on my way to Detroit so you
and I can have a face-to-face.
1131
01:13:34,160 --> 01:13:36,627
Reverend?
1132
01:14:04,440 --> 01:14:06,781
I think he paid, like, three
grand for the whole place.
1133
01:14:06,840 --> 01:14:08,783
Why is it I've not heard
that such as famous book
1134
01:14:08,880 --> 01:14:12,302
as yours was nicked?
1135
01:14:12,360 --> 01:14:14,827
- Paddy, come on.
- Just listen to the story,
1136
01:14:14,880 --> 01:14:17,824
before you say no, lads. There's
a good moral to this story.
1137
01:14:17,880 --> 01:14:19,630
Paddy McCarthy here.
1138
01:14:19,720 --> 01:14:21,424
- Leave me a message...
- Fuck!
1139
01:14:22,720 --> 01:14:24,345
The special Gospel.
1140
01:14:24,400 --> 01:14:25,961
Last month, at the
Vanderloos Gallery...
1141
01:14:28,640 --> 01:14:31,744
- I'd like to report a theft.
- I don't understand.
1142
01:14:31,800 --> 01:14:33,140
We're not the police.
1143
01:14:33,200 --> 01:14:35,268
No, no, no. It's a book
in your collection.
1144
01:14:35,360 --> 01:14:37,622
A Gospel printed by
the Gutenberg Press.
1145
01:14:37,680 --> 01:14:39,703
Yeah. I think you are mistaken.
1146
01:14:39,760 --> 01:14:42,386
No, no, no. It's the Gospel
According to James and it's a fake.
1147
01:14:42,440 --> 01:14:44,781
- Check it out.
- I can't do that.
1148
01:14:44,840 --> 01:14:47,181
- Why not?
- We are sculpture museum.
1149
01:14:47,240 --> 01:14:52,380
We have no books or paintings.
We have only sculpture.
1150
01:14:52,440 --> 01:14:55,225
The Reverend's got
somebody on the inside.
1151
01:14:55,280 --> 01:14:56,711
We have an expert
coming in on Saturday.
1152
01:14:56,800 --> 01:14:58,584
Paddy, get us a name.
1153
01:14:58,680 --> 01:15:01,181
We're sorry. The number you
have reached is not in service.
1154
01:15:01,240 --> 01:15:03,820
- Later, Crunch!
- There's gotta be like...
1155
01:15:03,880 --> 01:15:05,982
- Fuck!
- ...ten experts in the country
1156
01:15:06,040 --> 01:15:07,551
- they could have called.
- Olga Something-Long.
1157
01:15:07,600 --> 01:15:09,589
- Hello?
- It's Nicky Calhoun.
1158
01:15:09,640 --> 01:15:12,027
Have you... Have you seen Paddy?
1159
01:15:12,080 --> 01:15:14,148
- What?
- Did you fuckin' see Paddy?
1160
01:15:14,200 --> 01:15:16,826
He left a couple of days ago.
1161
01:15:16,880 --> 01:15:20,143
What about the Gospel? Did Customs
ask you to look at the Gospel?
1162
01:15:20,240 --> 01:15:22,946
- Gospel?
- The fuckin' Gospel According to James!
1163
01:15:23,000 --> 01:15:25,307
Did they ask you to look at it?
1164
01:15:26,800 --> 01:15:28,186
What?
1165
01:15:41,880 --> 01:15:45,382
And that is the story of the
theft of the Mona Lisa.
1166
01:15:45,440 --> 01:15:50,467
You just took five and half of the
best years of my life away, Nicky.
1167
01:15:50,560 --> 01:15:52,264
Nicky Boy,
1168
01:15:52,360 --> 01:15:53,700
you'll pay the piper for
what you did to Dennis.
1169
01:15:53,760 --> 01:15:55,021
I'll see to it meself.
1170
01:15:55,080 --> 01:15:57,865
- I'll take care of the Reverend.
- I'll call you with his number.
1171
01:15:57,920 --> 01:16:00,307
Yeah?
1172
01:16:00,360 --> 01:16:03,270
Nicky, want the Reverend's number?
1173
01:16:13,360 --> 01:16:15,144
We could have made history.
1174
01:16:23,720 --> 01:16:25,504
Please leave a message.
1175
01:16:25,600 --> 01:16:30,740
Lola, pick up the phone.
Call me! We got a problem!
1176
01:16:33,800 --> 01:16:36,790
So, so what are you telling me?
You don't trust me.
1177
01:16:36,840 --> 01:16:39,830
It's not like I don't
trust you. Come on.
1178
01:16:39,880 --> 01:16:42,711
- Everybody's fuckin' lyin' to me.
- Nobody's lyin'.
1179
01:16:42,760 --> 01:16:46,342
It's like, uh, well, I'll tell you
what it's like, it's like Claudius.
1180
01:16:46,400 --> 01:16:49,709
For my money, the greatest
Roman Emperor of them all.
1181
01:16:49,760 --> 01:16:55,230
You know how Claudius survived some
of the most brutal rulers of his time?
1182
01:16:55,280 --> 01:16:58,509
How he outlived all those crazy-assed
homicidal family members?
1183
01:16:58,560 --> 01:17:00,662
- How?
- Played the fool.
1184
01:17:02,240 --> 01:17:04,183
Played the fool and
fooled them all.
1185
01:17:04,240 --> 01:17:06,707
Even those he loved.
1186
01:17:07,920 --> 01:17:11,467
Bick.
1187
01:17:11,560 --> 01:17:14,664
Uh, OK.
1188
01:17:17,480 --> 01:17:18,945
Hello?
1189
01:17:19,880 --> 01:17:21,630
Four twenty-six?
1190
01:17:22,840 --> 01:17:24,271
OK.
1191
01:17:30,160 --> 01:17:32,866
How long have you been
cooking this thing up?
1192
01:17:32,960 --> 01:17:35,506
Well, you remember Lola's
little hot tub party?
1193
01:17:35,560 --> 01:17:40,029
And great men don't miss their fate.
I missed mine, Francie.
1194
01:17:40,080 --> 01:17:44,902
I was probably staring at it the
whole time and I just missed it.
1195
01:17:44,960 --> 01:17:48,348
So everyone was in on this
except for my lanky ass.
1196
01:17:48,400 --> 01:17:51,390
People are predictable
Francis, you, me.
1197
01:17:51,440 --> 01:17:53,224
If we weren't, we'd
just spend all our time
1198
01:17:53,280 --> 01:17:55,906
trying to figure out what crazy
shit everybody else was up to.
1199
01:17:55,960 --> 01:17:59,428
All I did was drop off a sculpture.
1200
01:17:59,480 --> 01:18:02,231
And then picked it on up.
1201
01:18:02,320 --> 01:18:05,549
I just needed to plant the idea and
let his imagination do the rest.
1202
01:18:05,600 --> 01:18:08,306
Saturday, ten AM. Guy walks
into the border station.
1203
01:18:08,360 --> 01:18:11,270
- I got Guy on the other line.
- OK. I'm in.
1204
01:18:30,520 --> 01:18:34,466
Yeah.
1205
01:18:50,960 --> 01:18:53,745
- You got a warrant?
- I don't need a warrant.
1206
01:18:53,800 --> 01:18:57,621
I'm not a cop. But these guys are.
1207
01:18:57,680 --> 01:18:59,908
Domenic Calhoun, we've
received information
1208
01:19:00,000 --> 01:19:03,343
giving us probable
cause for a search.
1209
01:19:03,400 --> 01:19:05,468
Look who we have here.
1210
01:19:06,480 --> 01:19:08,389
Georges Seurat.
1211
01:19:08,440 --> 01:19:12,784
"Model, Rear-View," 1887.
1212
01:19:12,840 --> 01:19:14,180
Pointillist phase.
1213
01:19:22,960 --> 01:19:25,108
This is so beautiful.
1214
01:19:27,160 --> 01:19:29,342
I love all the little dots.
1215
01:19:29,400 --> 01:19:31,707
It's very artistic.
1216
01:19:42,440 --> 01:19:44,702
- You got it?
- I do.
1217
01:19:46,240 --> 01:19:50,550
- Where's your filly?
- She'll be here, Paddy.
1218
01:19:50,600 --> 01:19:54,910
The lady has $750
grand of our capital.
1219
01:19:56,640 --> 01:19:58,868
I don't know,
mon frere, she's maybe...
1220
01:19:58,920 --> 01:20:01,944
How do you say it?
The scheming bitch.
1221
01:20:02,000 --> 01:20:04,102
Hey, guys, she's doin'
something, all right?
1222
01:20:04,160 --> 01:20:07,104
Says she's got some kind
of surprise for me.
1223
01:20:07,160 --> 01:20:09,422
She's just runnin'
late, that's all.
1224
01:20:11,680 --> 01:20:12,941
We should just go. We should leave.
1225
01:20:13,000 --> 01:20:17,503
Yeah, Crunch, bud, I love you.
You know I'm with you.
1226
01:20:19,040 --> 01:20:22,144
I really think she
just fuckin' split.
1227
01:20:22,200 --> 01:20:23,984
Just as likely to see
a police cruiser
1228
01:20:24,040 --> 01:20:25,719
as her car comin'
around the corner, lad.
1229
01:20:31,440 --> 01:20:34,544
- Oh, cool.
- What?
1230
01:20:34,640 --> 01:20:38,142
I, I saw you fight at the bar.
1231
01:20:38,200 --> 01:20:39,790
Did you?
1232
01:20:39,840 --> 01:20:42,864
Then he said you could
hold onto it as insurance.
1233
01:20:42,920 --> 01:20:45,068
Now I'm gonna point
at you really hard.
1234
01:20:45,120 --> 01:20:46,840
OK, fine. Then I'm gonna
raise up my arms...
1235
01:20:48,000 --> 01:20:49,989
OK, fine.
1236
01:20:52,400 --> 01:20:56,186
So, you mean, you really went
through all this trouble
1237
01:20:56,240 --> 01:20:59,184
just to rob Nicky of 300 grand?
1238
01:20:59,240 --> 01:21:02,549
Three hundred thousand?
Try 20 million.
1239
01:21:02,600 --> 01:21:05,385
This is where the story
becomes interesting.
1240
01:21:05,440 --> 01:21:07,463
Two weeks ago, this
painting was stolen
1241
01:21:07,520 --> 01:21:08,879
from an art collector in Mexico.
1242
01:21:08,880 --> 01:21:12,905
Fate, Francie. Fate is
what just happened.
1243
01:21:12,960 --> 01:21:15,347
I need you to find
something for me.
1244
01:21:15,400 --> 01:21:17,662
Uncle Paddy could come up
with ten buyers easily.
1245
01:21:17,720 --> 01:21:19,868
Ten buyers I can find, maybe more.
1246
01:21:19,920 --> 01:21:23,388
You see, all he needed was
the news of the theft.
1247
01:21:23,480 --> 01:21:26,231
Paddy McCarthy here. I got a piece
you might be interested in.
1248
01:21:26,280 --> 01:21:29,862
- And she's a real beauty.
- Where's the Seurat?
1249
01:21:29,920 --> 01:21:31,784
Georges Seurat, you ignorant fuck!
1250
01:21:31,840 --> 01:21:33,942
The seminal French
"Post-Impressionalist".
1251
01:21:34,000 --> 01:21:35,590
The father of pointillism.
1252
01:21:35,640 --> 01:21:38,061
- That Georges Seurat!
- This is all about the Seurat.
1253
01:21:38,160 --> 01:21:39,386
This has nothing to do
with Nicky's painting.
1254
01:21:39,440 --> 01:21:42,623
If this is even close to real,
Paddy's gonna make a bundle.
1255
01:21:42,680 --> 01:21:44,669
We still need four
hundred and fifty.
1256
01:21:44,720 --> 01:21:47,391
I can pull together
a hundred thousand.
1257
01:21:47,440 --> 01:21:49,781
I can do one hundred.
1258
01:21:53,400 --> 01:21:57,221
This is the one we're all
gonna be remembered for.
1259
01:21:58,480 --> 01:21:59,467
Ah.
1260
01:21:59,600 --> 01:22:04,308
Ten forgeries, seven
already shipped.
1261
01:22:04,360 --> 01:22:06,269
That's twenty million.
1262
01:22:06,320 --> 01:22:09,185
I really like this heist shit.
1263
01:22:09,240 --> 01:22:13,061
- Ah, careful! That's the original.
- Wait, you kept the real one?
1264
01:22:13,120 --> 01:22:15,826
The one... Interpol know the
one in Nicky's room is fake?
1265
01:22:15,880 --> 01:22:17,903
Interpol already thinks
they have the real one.
1266
01:22:17,960 --> 01:22:19,949
I just want to hold it.
1267
01:22:20,000 --> 01:22:22,387
How would you like
live with it, Sam?
1268
01:22:25,880 --> 01:22:28,904
I think I'd like that very much.
1269
01:22:29,000 --> 01:22:30,625
The first time you see it,
1270
01:22:30,680 --> 01:22:34,148
you say it's real,
whether it is or not.
1271
01:22:34,200 --> 01:22:39,704
Absolutely, positively,
the real thing.
1272
01:22:39,760 --> 01:22:43,103
Boom! Oh ho! Come on, boys in blue!
1273
01:22:43,160 --> 01:22:46,389
Suit guy! Whoo! Come on!
1274
01:22:46,480 --> 01:22:49,231
- One for the good guys!
- Indeed.
1275
01:22:49,280 --> 01:22:52,702
Well, everybody,
it's truly been a pleasure.
1276
01:22:52,760 --> 01:22:56,501
- You did it, Dennis.
- One for the ages, eh?
1277
01:22:56,560 --> 01:22:58,344
Either write something
worth reading about,
1278
01:22:58,400 --> 01:23:00,389
or do something worth
writing about.
1279
01:23:00,440 --> 01:23:03,350
Don't spend it all in one place.
1280
01:23:08,280 --> 01:23:11,543
Seasoned crooks swear there's
only two days you remember
1281
01:23:11,600 --> 01:23:15,546
about your stretch in prison:
the day you get in...
1282
01:23:17,520 --> 01:23:19,031
and the day you get out.
1283
01:23:20,520 --> 01:23:22,622
And you'll only remember your last
1284
01:23:22,720 --> 01:23:25,983
so long as you've got
something waiting for you.
1285
01:23:26,040 --> 01:23:28,427
- One wallet. One watch.
- As of the day you're released,
1286
01:23:28,520 --> 01:23:30,668
they can't inspect your mail.
1287
01:23:30,720 --> 01:23:35,587
Oh, and this arrived this
morning. Just cleared.
1288
01:23:35,640 --> 01:23:39,108
- Who's it from?
- Doesn't say.
1289
01:23:39,200 --> 01:23:43,510
I could never be certain,
but I had faith.
1290
01:23:43,560 --> 01:23:45,981
I had trust.
1291
01:23:47,480 --> 01:23:50,231
And if you've got no trust...
1292
01:23:51,960 --> 01:23:53,869
then what do you got?
1293
01:24:50,560 --> 01:24:52,583
- What painting?
- The Seurat.
1294
01:24:52,640 --> 01:24:54,185
Whoa. Whoa. What?
1295
01:24:54,240 --> 01:24:57,150
The Georges Seurat,
you ignorant fuck.
1296
01:24:57,200 --> 01:25:00,110
The seminal post French
"Impressionalisht".
1297
01:25:00,160 --> 01:25:04,106
The father of fucking... Fuck!
1298
01:25:04,200 --> 01:25:07,861
The seminal founder of
"Post-Impressionalism".
1299
01:25:07,920 --> 01:25:10,307
- The father of pointillism.
- Seminal French
1300
01:25:10,360 --> 01:25:13,225
- Post-Impressionist.
- Seminal French Post-Impressionist.
1301
01:25:13,280 --> 01:25:15,189
- And father of pointillism.
- And father of pointillism.
1302
01:25:15,240 --> 01:25:17,741
The seminal French
"Post-Impressionalist".
1303
01:25:17,840 --> 01:25:21,342
The founder of fuckin',
fuckin' and the fuck line-ups.
1304
01:25:21,400 --> 01:25:22,501
Arr, matey!
1305
01:25:22,560 --> 01:25:25,982
The Georges Seurat,
you ignorant fuck.
1306
01:25:26,040 --> 01:25:28,825
The seminal father of
"Post-Impressionalism".
1307
01:25:28,880 --> 01:25:31,187
The founder of fuckin'...
1308
01:25:31,240 --> 01:25:32,910
That guy!
1309
01:25:32,960 --> 01:25:35,301
The Seminal French
"Post-Impressionalist".
1310
01:25:35,400 --> 01:25:36,831
The father of pointillism.
1311
01:25:36,880 --> 01:25:39,142
That Georges Seurat,
you fuckin' baboon.
1312
01:25:40,960 --> 01:25:43,461
He's the seminal French
"Post-Impressionalist"!
1313
01:25:45,200 --> 01:25:47,143
My God, you're a downer.
1314
01:25:47,240 --> 01:25:49,342
What the fuck,
what are you, Eeyore?
1315
01:25:49,400 --> 01:25:50,911
What are you, Morrissey?
1316
01:25:50,960 --> 01:25:53,062
What are you, fuckin' Willy Loman?
1317
01:25:53,120 --> 01:25:54,949
A fuckin' boner killer.
1318
01:25:55,040 --> 01:25:57,746
A boner-killer?
1319
01:26:00,360 --> 01:26:05,102
Even for you, Francie,
I refuse to be a boner killer.
1320
01:26:06,960 --> 01:26:08,869
So, should I get the door?
1321
01:26:10,720 --> 01:26:12,629
I'll get the door.
1322
01:26:13,960 --> 01:26:16,108
I'll get it.
1323
01:26:16,160 --> 01:26:17,625
Hoo hoo!
1324
01:26:19,280 --> 01:26:21,906
- I'm in a play.
- Yeah?
1325
01:26:21,960 --> 01:26:24,267
- What's it called?
- Amish Cats.
1326
01:26:24,360 --> 01:26:26,144
- What's it called?
- Punch My Pussy.
1327
01:26:26,240 --> 01:26:28,263
Punch My Pussy?
1328
01:26:28,320 --> 01:26:30,343
- Wait. What's it called?
- Cats.
1329
01:26:30,400 --> 01:26:32,070
The... The Cats?
1330
01:26:32,160 --> 01:26:35,423
The Cats. Cats or The Cats.
1331
01:26:35,480 --> 01:26:37,981
- All righty. With the beard?
- Yeah.
1332
01:30:10,120 --> 01:30:13,110
It's fuckin' slow, man.