1 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:15,000 2 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:15,000 1 00: 00: 21,341 -> 00: 00: 26,341 3 00:00:31,513 --> 00:00:33,481 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, 4 00:00:33,483 --> 00:00:34,548 my name is Simon. 5 00:00:34,550 --> 00:00:35,783 My name is Simon. 6 00:00:35,785 --> 00:00:36,788 My name is Simon. 7 00:00:37,621 --> 00:00:39,622 Hi Tex, where are you, Cincinnati? 8 00:00:39,624 --> 00:00:41,825 Hi Tex, where are you from? Cincinnati? 9 00:00:42,426 --> 00:00:44,626 How did the punk rocker cross the street? 10 00:00:44,628 --> 00:00:46,530 He clamps the chicken on his head. 11 00:00:46,764 --> 00:00:47,829 Hey, doctor. 12 00:00:47,831 --> 00:00:49,897 I got this problem, no one has noticed me. 13 00:00:49,899 --> 00:00:51,502 Next, please. 14 00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:54,302 Hey, doctor. I got this problem, 15 00:00:54,304 --> 00:00:56,774 I can't have friends, You are fat big fat fat. 16 00:00:57,041 --> 00:00:58,306 Hey! 17 00:00:58,308 --> 00:00:59,677 Grasshoppers enter a bar. 18 00:01:00,845 --> 00:01:02,578 The bartender is seen in the grasshopper and says, 19 00:01:02,580 --> 00:01:04,513 "Hey, you know we drink named after you?" 20 00:01:04,515 --> 00:01:05,714 Grasshopper said, 21 00:01:05,716 --> 00:01:07,552 "You drink named Herman? Ho!" 22 00:01:09,454 --> 00:01:11,490 Hi Tex, where are you, Cincinnati? 23 00:01:14,326 --> 00:01:17,527 So I go to this bar, and go to the bartender and say, 24 00:01:17,529 --> 00:01:19,899 "Hey, do you want to hear a good Polish joke?" 25 00:01:20,731 --> 00:01:23,501 He left... "I'm Polish. 26 00:01:23,901 --> 00:01:25,538 Did you see that guy with a big neck? 27 00:01:26,004 --> 00:01:29,242 He's fucking Polish. Still want to tell the joke?" 28 00:01:29,741 --> 00:01:31,775 I said no. " He left, " Why, are you afraid? " 29 00:01:31,777 --> 00:01:33,710 " No. " " Then why don't you want to to tell jokes? " 30 00:01:33,712 --> 00:01:35,681 " I don't want to explain it twice. " 31 00:01:37,083 --> 00:01:38,082 Applause. 32 00:01:38,084 --> 00:01:39,486 Copy. 33 00:01:44,390 --> 00:01:45,726 Whoa. 34 00:01:46,059 --> 00:01:48,796 I got a message. " Sally wants to talk to you. 35 00:01:49,028 --> 00:01:50,662 Do you have time? " 36 00:01:50,664 --> 00:01:52,531 Do I have time? Come on, I always have time for you. 37 00:01:52,533 --> 00:01:54,098 I want you to do me a little help, 38 00:01:54,100 --> 00:01:55,335 This is about Simon. 39 00:01:55,703 --> 00:01:57,438 Tonight is a big night. 40 00:01:57,704 --> 00:02:00,639 I want you to give Simon has a chance. 41 00:02:00,641 --> 00:02:02,543 Just this once. This is a big problem. 42 00:02:04,545 --> 00:02:05,612 Sal. 43 00:02:05,846 --> 00:02:08,012 - Simon, a thief joke? - I know I know. 44 00:02:08,014 --> 00:02:09,715 Yes you know... 45 00:02:09,717 --> 00:02:11,716 There are people here who don't exactly love him, huh? 46 00:02:11,718 --> 00:02:13,885 I care about that person, he's a good guy. 47 00:02:13,887 --> 00:02:15,822 But you ask a lot. 48 00:02:15,824 --> 00:02:17,055 He tells a good joke. 49 00:02:17,057 --> 00:02:18,623 When he told them, they were funny. 50 00:02:18,625 --> 00:02:19,792 She's funny. 51 00:02:19,794 --> 00:02:21,026 She's a cute little worm, isn't she? 52 00:02:21,028 --> 00:02:23,631 Yes, and he stole from the best. 53 00:02:24,966 --> 00:02:26,735 Do you want me to do it for help? 54 00:02:27,034 --> 00:02:29,337 Or do you want me to do it a favor for you? 55 00:02:29,636 --> 00:02:31,069 That is the same thing. Listen, I want... 56 00:02:31,071 --> 00:02:33,438 - Uh, uh, uh! - That is the same thing. 57 00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:34,740 I mean, I want him to be able to 58 00:02:34,742 --> 00:02:36,075 to prove to himself that he can do it. 59 00:02:36,077 --> 00:02:38,145 This is national. This will be national! 60 00:02:38,147 --> 00:02:40,884 For me, is this help for you? 61 00:02:41,517 --> 00:02:42,782 Yes. This is help for me. 62 00:02:42,784 --> 00:02:44,151 Then it's finished. Why do you even ask? 63 00:02:44,153 --> 00:02:46,620 You know, for you, I will do anything. 64 00:02:46,622 --> 00:02:48,757 - Enter him. - I love you, friend. 65 00:03:02,539 --> 00:03:03,637 Yes? 66 00:03:03,639 --> 00:03:05,041 Hey, Simon. Hi, it's Seb. 67 00:03:05,441 --> 00:03:07,141 Uh... do you want something to eat? 68 00:03:07,143 --> 00:03:08,379 What do you mean? 69 00:03:09,380 --> 00:03:11,512 What are you, Jenny Craig, Do you want to feed me? 70 00:03:11,514 --> 00:03:12,946 No no! 71 00:03:12,948 --> 00:03:14,815 I'm very big room service orders 72 00:03:14,817 --> 00:03:16,850 very well, a bottle of beautiful wine 73 00:03:16,852 --> 00:03:18,486 going up, do you want it? 74 00:03:18,488 --> 00:03:20,053 Yes, I appreciate it. Yes, I will take care of you. 75 00:03:20,055 --> 00:03:21,855 You don't have to pay for anything. 76 00:03:21,857 --> 00:03:24,628 Just look at the peephole and it will close. 77 00:03:25,530 --> 00:03:27,062 Good. Thank you. 78 00:03:27,064 --> 00:03:29,668 No problem. Have a good meal, enjoy yourself. 79 00:03:29,866 --> 00:03:30,802 Yes. 80 00:03:33,070 --> 00:03:36,674 Damn man! Jenny Craig from everyone. 81 00:03:48,053 --> 00:03:50,656 - Yes? - Come on down, I need you here. 82 00:03:51,022 --> 00:03:52,088 I'm here. 83 00:03:52,090 --> 00:03:53,557 Put the tray down, down here. 84 00:03:53,559 --> 00:03:55,093 I need you now, okay? 85 00:03:55,693 --> 00:03:56,728 Good. 86 00:03:57,162 --> 00:03:58,664 Kiss my ass. 87 00:04:00,998 --> 00:04:01,934 Others. 88 00:04:31,865 --> 00:04:33,199 Amy, baby. 89 00:04:33,899 --> 00:04:35,067 Is it my brother yet? 90 00:04:35,735 --> 00:04:37,872 It's a little early for your brother. 91 00:04:38,205 --> 00:04:39,671 You know, I love it, 92 00:04:39,673 --> 00:04:41,576 but you are too soft to your brother. 93 00:04:41,875 --> 00:04:44,813 If I will be soft on someone, it will be my brother. 94 00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:47,682 She's the only brother I have. 95 00:04:48,515 --> 00:04:49,484 And I love him. 96 00:05:03,665 --> 00:05:05,031 Sí? I mean, huh? 97 00:05:05,033 --> 00:05:06,899 You know, in the second thought, don't bother. 98 00:05:06,901 --> 00:05:08,169 It has been taken care of. 99 00:05:09,037 --> 00:05:10,638 You don't need me anymore? 100 00:05:11,305 --> 00:05:12,207 Good. 101 00:05:16,744 --> 00:05:17,745 Good. 102 00:05:22,850 --> 00:05:25,120 Where are all of them? 103 00:05:29,325 --> 00:05:30,058 Hello? 104 00:05:30,993 --> 00:05:32,560 Simon, is that you? 105 00:05:32,562 --> 00:05:33,794 Yes. 106 00:05:33,796 --> 00:05:35,162 I'm here at The Basement Comedy Club. 107 00:05:35,164 --> 00:05:37,330 - Yes? - And then they... 108 00:05:37,332 --> 00:05:40,200 They will be national tonight. They want you to do a set. 109 00:05:40,202 --> 00:05:41,137 Tonight? 110 00:05:42,837 --> 00:05:45,007 I just made myself something nice to eat. 111 00:05:46,175 --> 00:05:48,042 - What do they pay for? - Two hundred. 112 00:05:48,044 --> 00:05:50,213 Two hundred dollars? 113 00:05:50,814 --> 00:05:52,146 Am I not saying two hundred? 114 00:05:52,148 --> 00:05:54,886 - And how long is this set? - Five minutes... 115 00:05:55,785 --> 00:05:56,821 What will I wear? 116 00:05:57,087 --> 00:05:58,819 You know what you will wear. 117 00:05:58,821 --> 00:06:00,891 Wear what you always use. 118 00:06:11,034 --> 00:06:12,767 - Hey - Daddy, do you want me? 119 00:06:12,769 --> 00:06:14,139 Come on, sit down. 120 00:06:15,940 --> 00:06:17,707 Listen, I want to talk to you. 121 00:06:17,709 --> 00:06:18,911 What do I do now? 122 00:06:20,745 --> 00:06:21,844 You did nothing. 123 00:06:21,846 --> 00:06:23,315 You know You are a great salesman. 124 00:06:23,747 --> 00:06:25,113 Customers love you. 125 00:06:25,115 --> 00:06:26,716 I got a lot of reports, a lot of feedback. 126 00:06:26,718 --> 00:06:28,017 I got a lot of feedback. 127 00:06:28,019 --> 00:06:30,051 Your brother, he's a good administrator. 128 00:06:30,053 --> 00:06:32,690 But you, You can sell anything. 129 00:06:33,156 --> 00:06:36,962 Fridge expresses to Eskimo. 130 00:06:40,666 --> 00:06:41,734 Daddy! 131 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:43,135 Daddy! 132 00:06:45,404 --> 00:06:47,069 I just sold my first car 133 00:06:47,071 --> 00:06:48,874 and I'm really dirty urinating from this idiot. 134 00:06:49,375 --> 00:06:50,674 Yes, he did it. 135 00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:59,786 I just said, you know, everything has a shelf life. 136 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:01,886 Including me. 137 00:07:01,888 --> 00:07:03,257 But I still have a lot of kicks left. 138 00:07:03,956 --> 00:07:06,257 But you know, I'm headed for retirement. 139 00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:08,362 I want to spend more time with your mother. 140 00:07:09,728 --> 00:07:11,898 And this business, is yours. 141 00:07:12,665 --> 00:07:16,136 And I want you to take care of business. 142 00:07:16,703 --> 00:07:18,606 I want you to continue selling cars, 143 00:07:19,338 --> 00:07:21,372 I want your brother to become an administrator because he is great at that. 144 00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:22,507 - So he will be my boss? - You are good at selling cars. 145 00:07:22,509 --> 00:07:24,409 - He won't be your boss. - Simon. 146 00:07:24,411 --> 00:07:26,647 I will never be your boss. 147 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:28,782 But I will always be your sister. 148 00:07:29,683 --> 00:07:31,251 Simon, 149 00:07:32,219 --> 00:07:33,120 we know what you want. 150 00:07:33,820 --> 00:07:35,123 151 00:07:35,890 --> 00:07:37,692 We know what you want to be a comedian. 152 00:07:38,325 --> 00:07:40,661 And you are talented. You're funny. 153 00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:43,731 And I don't want to stand up in your way. 154 00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:46,330 But you must always have it replacement plan. 155 00:07:46,332 --> 00:07:49,334 A backup plan, in case it doesn't work. 156 00:07:49,336 --> 00:07:50,470 And here it is. 157 00:07:50,472 --> 00:07:52,338 You can always return and sell cars. 158 00:07:52,340 --> 00:07:54,473 This business will always be yours. 159 00:07:54,475 --> 00:07:56,244 That will be yours... 160 00:07:56,944 --> 00:07:57,879 and yours. 161 00:07:58,080 --> 00:07:59,345 But he will run it. 162 00:07:59,347 --> 00:08:02,348 He will run it, and you will sell the car. 163 00:08:02,350 --> 00:08:03,953 Daddy, you know I love you. 164 00:08:04,319 --> 00:08:06,386 That's your business, do what you want. 165 00:08:06,388 --> 00:08:07,821 You built this 166 00:08:07,823 --> 00:08:09,221 and I don't want to talk again, okay? 167 00:08:09,223 --> 00:08:11,324 - I have to go. - Simon! 168 00:08:11,326 --> 00:08:12,228 Bro! 169 00:08:15,731 --> 00:08:17,166 Daddy, let me talk to him. 170 00:08:17,733 --> 00:08:19,235 No no 171 00:08:20,435 --> 00:08:22,969 No, this is not a brother for your thing, 172 00:08:22,971 --> 00:08:25,709 this is a... thing to father to child. 173 00:08:26,041 --> 00:08:27,344 I will talk to him. 174 00:08:38,788 --> 00:08:40,023 for a moment? 175 00:08:42,091 --> 00:08:44,092 You take my office now? 176 00:08:44,094 --> 00:08:46,828 Simon! Nobody goes to take your office. 177 00:08:46,830 --> 00:08:47,963 Can I sit down? 178 00:08:47,965 --> 00:08:49,231 This is your place. 179 00:08:49,233 --> 00:08:51,169 You can sit wherever you want, father. 180 00:08:52,335 --> 00:08:54,938 I will clear something immediately. 181 00:08:55,873 --> 00:08:58,008 This is our place. 182 00:08:59,977 --> 00:09:01,112 Simon... 183 00:09:01,779 --> 00:09:04,249 I know what we are talking about there hurts your feelings. 184 00:09:04,982 --> 00:09:06,382 But listen, kid. 185 00:09:06,384 --> 00:09:08,854 You don't have faith or believe in me. 186 00:09:09,821 --> 00:09:11,423 I trust you implicitly. 187 00:09:13,091 --> 00:09:14,456 But someone must be a driver, 188 00:09:14,458 --> 00:09:17,161 and you always love being a passenger. 189 00:09:17,861 --> 00:09:18,996 And that's you. 190 00:09:19,264 --> 00:09:21,196 He will drive business. 191 00:09:21,198 --> 00:09:22,467 You are the passenger. 192 00:09:23,568 --> 00:09:25,335 You will sell a car, 193 00:09:25,337 --> 00:09:29,476 and I'm sure you will go for success in your dreams. 194 00:09:30,476 --> 00:09:32,044 And that's what I want. 195 00:09:32,812 --> 00:09:33,913 But now... 196 00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:36,915 I want to give you something. 197 00:09:37,183 --> 00:09:38,282 That is very important. 198 00:09:38,284 --> 00:09:40,019 Is that my entertainment gift? 199 00:09:40,419 --> 00:09:41,386 This... 200 00:09:42,321 --> 00:09:44,090 This is a vest that my father gave me. 201 00:09:44,823 --> 00:09:46,258 And his father gave him. 202 00:09:47,993 --> 00:09:49,396 Already inherited 203 00:09:50,096 --> 00:09:51,365 and I think it's a fortune vest. 204 00:09:52,232 --> 00:09:53,932 I can't use it anymore, do you know? But... 205 00:09:53,934 --> 00:09:56,136 I want you to have it. 206 00:09:57,036 --> 00:09:58,071 This will be a fortune vest for you, Simon. 207 00:09:59,106 --> 00:10:01,475 That's special. 208 00:10:03,376 --> 00:10:04,345 This is inheritance. 209 00:10:04,977 --> 00:10:06,313 And when I don't exist anymore... 210 00:10:07,314 --> 00:10:09,349 You will think of me when you use this, 211 00:10:11,318 --> 00:10:13,889 212 00:10:14,555 --> 00:10:18,160 and that will take you lot of luck. 213 00:10:19,326 --> 00:10:22,195 This is yours, Simon. I love you. 214 00:10:26,066 --> 00:10:27,168 Love you, son. 215 00:10:31,238 --> 00:10:34,108 They offer you two fucking dollars. 216 00:10:35,476 --> 00:10:36,478 Good. 217 00:10:38,913 --> 00:10:40,179 I will be there. 218 00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:42,317 Now! Like now, like five minutes ago. 219 00:10:43,018 --> 00:10:44,184 Good. 220 00:10:44,186 --> 00:10:45,551 OK? Do not be late. 221 00:10:45,553 --> 00:10:48,088 Hey, no, no. Try to listen. Do not be late. 222 00:11:03,172 --> 00:11:05,274 What is this? 223 00:11:07,610 --> 00:11:08,676 Hello? 224 00:11:08,678 --> 00:11:10,377 - Simon. - Hey, William. 225 00:11:10,379 --> 00:11:13,015 Hey, you got in today, bro? 226 00:11:13,982 --> 00:11:15,518 I'm sorry. No, I did not enter. 227 00:11:16,251 --> 00:11:19,252 Got a big break tonight. I'm going to The Comedy Basement 228 00:11:19,254 --> 00:11:22,259 to do a set, and it will be broadcast on television. 229 00:11:23,226 --> 00:11:25,863 Wow congratulations! That's good news. 230 00:11:26,297 --> 00:11:27,632 Thank you, I appreciate it. 231 00:11:28,097 --> 00:11:29,299 Can I get a car? 232 00:11:29,632 --> 00:11:31,301 Simon, you know I can't do that. 233 00:11:33,304 --> 00:11:35,202 What is this, friend? We have a dealer 234 00:11:35,204 --> 00:11:36,672 and you won't give me a car? 235 00:11:36,674 --> 00:11:38,974 Every time we give you a company car, you sell it. 236 00:11:38,976 --> 00:11:40,311 I'll take you. Uber. 237 00:11:40,977 --> 00:11:43,146 Come on, man. I don't want to enter Uber. 238 00:11:44,178 --> 00:11:45,883 They all smell foul like curry. 239 00:11:46,350 --> 00:11:49,154 Simon, not every Uber driver comes from India. 240 00:11:49,420 --> 00:11:53,389 There are many types of people: Irish, Italian, Chinese! 241 00:11:54,626 --> 00:11:56,362 Come on, please. 242 00:11:57,295 --> 00:11:58,660 Tell me when you need a car, 243 00:11:58,662 --> 00:12:00,231 and I will take it there. 244 00:12:00,497 --> 00:12:01,432 Twenty minutes. 245 00:12:02,032 --> 00:12:04,435 Finish Hey, I'm proud of you. 246 00:12:04,669 --> 00:12:05,670 Are you coming? 247 00:12:06,070 --> 00:12:07,238 Right. 248 00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:09,605 Very? 249 00:12:09,607 --> 00:12:10,541 I will be there. 250 00:12:11,444 --> 00:12:13,143 - OK. - I love you. 251 00:12:13,145 --> 00:12:15,148 - I'll meet you tonight, bro. - Thank you. 252 00:12:39,005 --> 00:12:40,540 Mr. Simon! Welcome! 253 00:12:41,407 --> 00:12:42,707 My brother is an idiot. 254 00:12:42,709 --> 00:12:45,443 I'm Jagdish but you can call me Jerry. 255 00:12:45,445 --> 00:12:46,614 How are you, Jerry? 256 00:12:49,249 --> 00:12:50,451 Easy. 257 00:13:00,227 --> 00:13:01,596 Everything is bent, sir? 258 00:13:03,096 --> 00:13:04,499 I have to put my seat belt on? 259 00:13:04,765 --> 00:13:06,367 That's the law, sir. 260 00:14:17,407 --> 00:14:19,310 How was your day, sir? 261 00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:20,544 Good. 262 00:14:21,612 --> 00:14:26,418 By the way, do you like my car? That's new. 263 00:14:28,185 --> 00:14:29,087 Very nice. 264 00:14:29,552 --> 00:14:31,455 I am very proud of it. 265 00:14:32,790 --> 00:14:33,724 Good. 266 00:14:34,391 --> 00:14:35,728 That's fast. 267 00:14:36,193 --> 00:14:37,459 Like a tiger! 268 00:14:37,461 --> 00:14:39,628 Can you help me, though? Can you slow it down? 269 00:14:39,630 --> 00:14:41,531 Because of what I eat for breakfast it will come out from my nose and my ass. 270 00:14:41,533 --> 00:14:43,735 Very good, sir. 271 00:14:44,369 --> 00:14:45,537 What are you doing, sir? What is your profession? 272 00:14:49,608 --> 00:14:52,375 273 00:14:55,913 --> 00:14:59,650 I'm a... I'm a comedian. 274 00:14:59,652 --> 00:15:04,224 You tell and write a joke, then? 275 00:15:06,558 --> 00:15:08,861 I tell jokes, I write a few jokes. 276 00:15:09,361 --> 00:15:10,460 But I'm a comedian. 277 00:15:10,462 --> 00:15:12,164 So, some people sing, 278 00:15:12,365 --> 00:15:13,799 but they don't need to... 279 00:15:14,500 --> 00:15:15,802 write all their songs. 280 00:15:16,903 --> 00:15:19,438 I have never met teller jokes before. 281 00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:22,142 An honor. 282 00:15:22,674 --> 00:15:24,578 Thank you, I appreciate it. 283 00:15:25,312 --> 00:15:28,249 Is this... a good job? 284 00:15:29,815 --> 00:15:33,784 That... I think you have it to commit... to that. 285 00:15:33,786 --> 00:15:35,887 Only, I guess, like you committed 286 00:15:35,889 --> 00:15:37,254 for the work you do. 287 00:15:37,256 --> 00:15:38,291 I like my job. 288 00:15:38,525 --> 00:15:41,261 I like my job! 289 00:15:41,562 --> 00:15:43,394 I hope you love your work, sir. 290 00:16:00,547 --> 00:16:02,150 Hah. Damn it. 291 00:16:08,289 --> 00:16:09,358 Hey, what time is it now? 292 00:16:10,324 --> 00:16:11,894 It starts in ten minutes. 293 00:16:12,661 --> 00:16:13,630 Fuck. 294 00:16:14,964 --> 00:16:16,563 Damn Simon. 295 00:16:16,565 --> 00:16:20,537 Please sir. Tell me a joke. I like to laugh. 296 00:16:20,969 --> 00:16:22,602 Good. 297 00:16:22,604 --> 00:16:26,308 Do you know why a blonde woman has a belly bruise? 298 00:16:27,743 --> 00:16:28,942 No. 299 00:16:28,944 --> 00:16:30,580 Because a blond man is also stupid. 300 00:16:32,580 --> 00:16:35,683 I... I don't understand. 301 00:16:35,685 --> 00:16:37,321 Because blonde people are stupid. 302 00:16:37,519 --> 00:16:39,353 They think the belly button is the vagina, 303 00:16:39,355 --> 00:16:40,758 so they knocked it. 304 00:16:42,759 --> 00:16:43,726 Excuse me. 305 00:16:44,961 --> 00:16:46,326 Hello? 306 00:16:46,328 --> 00:16:47,395 Simon. Where are you? 307 00:16:47,397 --> 00:16:49,396 I'm in Uber, I'm on my way. 308 00:16:49,398 --> 00:16:50,768 Twenty-two minutes, sir. 309 00:16:51,868 --> 00:16:52,970 Thank you for that. 310 00:16:53,702 --> 00:16:55,737 Turns out 22 minutes. 311 00:16:55,739 --> 00:16:57,874 Simon, please don't screw this up, okay? 312 00:16:58,508 --> 00:16:59,611 I'm on my way. 313 00:17:01,379 --> 00:17:03,882 Simon? Si... Making love. 314 00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:13,390 Is that... your best joke, sir? 315 00:17:14,491 --> 00:17:16,827 This is very good. Uh, very good. 316 00:17:17,394 --> 00:17:18,626 But you don't laugh. 317 00:17:18,628 --> 00:17:20,828 Well, I don't understand, 318 00:17:20,830 --> 00:17:22,864 but I'm new to this country, and... 319 00:17:22,866 --> 00:17:24,634 Can you help me and slow down? 320 00:17:24,636 --> 00:17:26,502 Because I will be sitting fucking 321 00:17:26,504 --> 00:17:27,903 in your spare tire right away, Jerry. 322 00:17:27,905 --> 00:17:30,640 I'm sorry sir. This is a very fast car. 323 00:17:30,642 --> 00:17:31,941 I just learned how... 324 00:17:31,943 --> 00:17:33,878 So maybe You should buy... 325 00:17:34,413 --> 00:17:35,481 a Hyundai. 326 00:17:35,946 --> 00:17:39,284 Hyundai is very good car too, but... 327 00:17:39,717 --> 00:17:41,853 this one is fast like a tiger. 328 00:17:56,636 --> 00:17:58,802 Take it easy. Hey, relax. 329 00:17:58,804 --> 00:18:00,538 To be honest with you brother, he's your brother. 330 00:18:00,540 --> 00:18:02,643 Will you stop it, you suck. 331 00:18:03,076 --> 00:18:03,977 Good. 332 00:18:04,577 --> 00:18:06,443 Good. Ooh! 333 00:18:06,445 --> 00:18:07,712 - Hi. - Hi. How are you? 334 00:18:07,714 --> 00:18:09,613 - Pretty good. - Is my brother busy? 335 00:18:09,615 --> 00:18:10,647 Does that matter? 336 00:18:10,649 --> 00:18:12,483 Even if he is, he always has time for you. 337 00:18:12,485 --> 00:18:13,617 - Continue. - Appreciate that. 338 00:18:13,619 --> 00:18:15,555 - Can I enter? - Yes, of course. 339 00:18:19,892 --> 00:18:21,893 Look who it is! 340 00:18:21,895 --> 00:18:23,962 - How are you, bro? - Hi, friend. 341 00:18:23,964 --> 00:18:26,000 What is that? Come here, you! I love you. 342 00:18:26,766 --> 00:18:28,700 - Nice to see you, come in! - You too. 343 00:18:28,702 --> 00:18:30,635 Sally, what's wrong? Hey, champ. 344 00:18:30,637 --> 00:18:33,474 - Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey. - Come on. 345 00:18:35,377 --> 00:18:36,544 I see. 346 00:18:37,078 --> 00:18:38,514 What can I do for you? 347 00:18:38,812 --> 00:18:40,049 Yes you know... 348 00:18:40,581 --> 00:18:41,813 I am a small slug. 349 00:18:41,815 --> 00:18:43,518 I am rather strict, and... 350 00:18:44,119 --> 00:18:45,685 for some scratches, 351 00:18:45,687 --> 00:18:47,656 and I hope You can give me a down payment. 352 00:18:48,156 --> 00:18:49,591 Simon, you know the deal. 353 00:18:49,823 --> 00:18:51,390 We get paid the same every month. 354 00:18:51,392 --> 00:18:52,591 If I blow my money, 355 00:18:52,593 --> 00:18:53,761 I did not cut myself another check. 356 00:18:54,094 --> 00:18:56,428 I see. But you, You can step out to the floor 357 00:18:56,430 --> 00:18:57,765 whenever you want, 358 00:18:58,600 --> 00:18:59,968 and make it happen. Listening. 359 00:19:00,602 --> 00:19:01,901 Go there and sell cars, 360 00:19:01,903 --> 00:19:03,603 I will give you commission now. 361 00:19:03,605 --> 00:19:07,509 Well, thank you for seeing us but I don't want to sell cars. 362 00:19:08,476 --> 00:19:10,010 Do it! Make it a reality. 363 00:19:10,012 --> 00:19:12,044 I'm not even dressed, I don't even have a jacket. 364 00:19:12,046 --> 00:19:12,981 I got you. 365 00:19:16,185 --> 00:19:19,755 There we go. Wow! It's a 30 pound jacket. 366 00:19:22,123 --> 00:19:24,761 - Don't make me sell cars. - Come on, come on. 367 00:19:25,429 --> 00:19:27,098 It's like breathing for you. 368 00:19:27,898 --> 00:19:29,766 Do you keep my jacket behind your door? 369 00:19:30,065 --> 00:19:31,035 Yes. 370 00:19:31,935 --> 00:19:33,070 Go get them, tiger! 371 00:19:36,806 --> 00:19:37,908 Watch this. 372 00:19:38,175 --> 00:19:39,474 Watch this? What are you talking about? 373 00:19:39,476 --> 00:19:40,742 He is my good friend. 374 00:19:40,744 --> 00:19:42,944 He will return here in two seconds by contract. 375 00:19:42,946 --> 00:19:44,548 Beware. 376 00:19:45,782 --> 00:19:47,182 Good evening... how are you? 377 00:19:47,184 --> 00:19:49,150 - Good thank you. How are you? - My name is Simon. 378 00:19:49,152 --> 00:19:51,922 - Hi, Bernard. - Nice to meet you, Bernard. 379 00:19:53,658 --> 00:19:56,191 Call me Bernie. I just looked around. 380 00:19:56,193 --> 00:19:57,592 Bernie? 381 00:19:57,594 --> 00:19:58,660 I will only tell you about cars, 382 00:19:58,662 --> 00:19:59,762 because that's my job. 383 00:19:59,764 --> 00:20:01,063 - Sure. - Do you like cars? 384 00:20:01,065 --> 00:20:02,098 I like that, huh. 385 00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:03,265 You know, Bernie, I have to tell you something. 386 00:20:03,267 --> 00:20:05,700 When they say they don't make it they are like before... 387 00:20:05,702 --> 00:20:06,901 Thank God, because they were first 388 00:20:06,903 --> 00:20:08,236 a pile of dirt. 389 00:20:08,238 --> 00:20:10,940 This is a car. The highest level of technology, 390 00:20:10,942 --> 00:20:13,243 the software synchronizes with your phone, 391 00:20:13,245 --> 00:20:14,914 is it Apple or Android. 392 00:20:15,146 --> 00:20:17,546 All wheel drive, 2000 CC, 393 00:20:17,548 --> 00:20:19,783 This is the same driving machine, This is good for gas. 394 00:20:19,785 --> 00:20:21,116 This is a fast car. 395 00:20:21,118 --> 00:20:22,818 - Yes Very nice. - And look at the back seat. 396 00:20:22,820 --> 00:20:24,688 If you want a girl in the back seat, 397 00:20:24,690 --> 00:20:26,122 You will not break a vertebra. 398 00:20:26,124 --> 00:20:29,926 I am married, But thanks for the information. 399 00:20:29,928 --> 00:20:32,064 Bring your wife in the back seat. 400 00:20:32,564 --> 00:20:33,964 - Do you love cars? - Yes, yes. 401 00:20:33,966 --> 00:20:35,700 Can I give a suggestion, Bernie? 402 00:20:35,702 --> 00:20:37,901 - Sure. - Come on, get into my office and talk. 403 00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:40,039 - What do you think? - Okay, Simon. 404 00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:43,009 Thank you. 405 00:20:47,946 --> 00:20:49,713 - Bernie, please come in. - Yes 406 00:20:49,715 --> 00:20:51,050 - Sit down, friend. - Thank you. 407 00:20:54,621 --> 00:20:55,722 Bernie. 408 00:20:57,656 --> 00:20:58,990 I was born in this business. 409 00:20:58,992 --> 00:21:00,858 This is my father who started this business, 410 00:21:00,860 --> 00:21:02,129 he started as a seller. 411 00:21:02,829 --> 00:21:04,598 I speak to you like a brother. 412 00:21:04,798 --> 00:21:06,131 The car... Do you like that car? 413 00:21:06,133 --> 00:21:07,932 I like that car. This is a beautiful car. 414 00:21:07,934 --> 00:21:09,268 ... it suits you very well. 415 00:21:09,270 --> 00:21:11,135 - The car must fit you, friend. - Yes. 416 00:21:11,137 --> 00:21:13,805 It has a CC 2000 the same driving engine, 417 00:21:13,807 --> 00:21:15,140 This is good for gas. 418 00:21:15,142 --> 00:21:16,240 That's not a dog. 419 00:21:16,242 --> 00:21:18,812 Because most of these cars are fuel-efficient You have to get out and damn push. 420 00:21:19,078 --> 00:21:21,012 But... this is the problem. 421 00:21:21,014 --> 00:21:23,615 If you don't take this car, 422 00:21:23,617 --> 00:21:24,752 and they sell it, that's six, eight, maybe ten weeks. 423 00:21:25,886 --> 00:21:28,587 Nearly a year full of models. And I will not go back and forth. 424 00:21:28,589 --> 00:21:31,156 I will give you the best deal, 425 00:21:31,158 --> 00:21:33,159 first time. 426 00:21:33,161 --> 00:21:34,560 Make a deal, then you can take it. 427 00:21:34,562 --> 00:21:36,296 428 00:21:36,298 --> 00:21:37,997 I can have it PDI & apos; d 429 00:21:37,999 --> 00:21:40,769 and leave the showroom tomorrow 430 00:21:43,704 --> 00:21:45,137 No, not at all. 431 00:21:45,139 --> 00:21:48,077 No, I have to check it with my wife, you know? 432 00:21:50,679 --> 00:21:51,745 I appreciate that. 433 00:21:51,747 --> 00:21:53,981 The second biggest investment your life is your car. 434 00:21:53,983 --> 00:21:55,816 - Yeah right. - I'm on your side, Bernie. 435 00:21:55,818 --> 00:21:58,618 And you might try to slam it in the back seat, 436 00:21:58,620 --> 00:22:00,119 as you say. 437 00:22:00,121 --> 00:22:01,588 There is a lot of space. There is nothing like romance. 438 00:22:01,590 --> 00:22:02,889 This is what I will do. 439 00:22:02,891 --> 00:22:04,357 I want to hold the car for you. 440 00:22:04,359 --> 00:22:06,760 So, there is a small box here where is the greeting, 441 00:22:06,762 --> 00:22:08,865 I will put "Must... 442 00:22:09,999 --> 00:22:10,932 request... 443 00:22:10,934 --> 00:22:12,936 wife... 444 00:22:13,669 --> 00:22:14,772 permission... 445 00:22:16,005 --> 00:22:17,140 to buy... 446 00:22:17,773 --> 00:22:18,906 car." 447 00:22:18,908 --> 00:22:21,778 If he gives you a green light, then we release this. 448 00:22:22,012 --> 00:22:23,677 Give me the document. 449 00:22:23,679 --> 00:22:25,614 No one told me whether I could buy a car or not. 450 00:22:25,616 --> 00:22:27,081 You're a good kid, Bernie. 451 00:22:36,793 --> 00:22:37,929 Thank you! 452 00:22:38,696 --> 00:22:39,932 Thank you, thank you! 453 00:22:41,632 --> 00:22:42,734 Thank you. 454 00:22:43,801 --> 00:22:44,937 Thank you! 455 00:22:45,703 --> 00:22:47,235 Welcome to the Comedy Basement. 456 00:22:47,237 --> 00:22:49,739 And remember, when you are here, in the Comedy Basement, 457 00:22:49,741 --> 00:22:51,974 there is only one place left to go, 458 00:22:51,976 --> 00:22:53,309 and that's up! 459 00:22:56,046 --> 00:22:57,848 My name is Freddy C. 460 00:22:58,082 --> 00:23:01,184 I am your host and owner this beautiful establishment. 461 00:23:01,186 --> 00:23:03,256 My first guest 462 00:23:04,023 --> 00:23:06,389 is a newcomer, he is known in all areas, 463 00:23:06,391 --> 00:23:08,824 we feel honored to have, women and men, 464 00:23:08,826 --> 00:23:10,394 he is no longer driving for NASCAR, 465 00:23:10,396 --> 00:23:11,427 Mr. Jeff Elliott! 466 00:23:23,142 --> 00:23:25,612 Hi friends. How are you? 467 00:23:26,145 --> 00:23:28,615 Good. I really started to feel my age. 468 00:23:29,015 --> 00:23:30,651 I hurt myself sleeping. 469 00:23:33,152 --> 00:23:34,985 Do you know that is something Can you do it? 470 00:23:34,987 --> 00:23:36,090 I'm taking a nap. 471 00:23:36,422 --> 00:23:38,891 I'm awake, my shoulder really hurts. 472 00:23:39,459 --> 00:23:40,893 Don't leave for two weeks. 473 00:23:41,428 --> 00:23:43,127 So I went to the doctor, they took some X rays. 474 00:23:43,129 --> 00:23:45,196 Ah... it turns out I ripped my rotator cuff... 475 00:23:45,198 --> 00:23:46,397 Aw. 476 00:23:46,399 --> 00:23:48,300 ... when I was taking a nap! 477 00:23:50,871 --> 00:23:52,304 If you are familiar with this injury, 478 00:23:52,306 --> 00:23:54,308 it is usually provided for professional athletes. 479 00:23:55,075 --> 00:23:56,909 Specifically, baseball thrower 480 00:23:56,911 --> 00:23:58,647 ripping their rotator cuffs a lot. 481 00:23:58,879 --> 00:24:00,281 I know I'm good at sleeping. 482 00:24:02,383 --> 00:24:04,652 Looks like I'm ready for the big league! 483 00:24:05,318 --> 00:24:07,186 I will say this too, this baseball pitcher 484 00:24:07,188 --> 00:24:08,419 ripping their rotator cuffs, they're done. 485 00:24:08,421 --> 00:24:10,893 For a year, they don't play baseball. 486 00:24:11,393 --> 00:24:13,860 I returned to bed sleeping that night. 487 00:24:21,036 --> 00:24:24,036 My next guest is the most famous socks 488 00:24:24,038 --> 00:24:25,471 all over the world! 489 00:24:25,473 --> 00:24:27,439 Unlike his brother who never succeeded. 490 00:24:27,441 --> 00:24:30,008 He is an existing sock left on the highway. 491 00:24:30,010 --> 00:24:31,244 Ah... 492 00:24:31,246 --> 00:24:32,946 Women and men, Ed the Sock! 493 00:24:39,055 --> 00:24:40,824 Alright, shut up! 494 00:24:41,190 --> 00:24:42,922 I don't believe in your sincerity. 495 00:24:42,924 --> 00:24:44,391 Thank you very much for the introduction. 496 00:24:44,393 --> 00:24:47,995 I like that beard, by the way. Very much Wesley Snipes. 497 00:24:49,397 --> 00:24:52,133 And thank you for reference to my brother 498 00:24:52,135 --> 00:24:53,470 who's out on the highway. 499 00:24:54,737 --> 00:24:57,138 I have never heard anything like that before. Even though, of course, it's better 500 00:24:57,140 --> 00:25:01,012 from "brother you jerked in as a teenager." 501 00:25:03,347 --> 00:25:05,079 Friend! I'm a socks! 502 00:25:05,081 --> 00:25:07,315 That's my ethnicity. I am not defined by it. 503 00:25:07,317 --> 00:25:09,017 Let's pass the joke, okay? 504 00:25:11,387 --> 00:25:12,456 Our next action... 505 00:25:12,889 --> 00:25:14,489 We are happy to see this man when he comes 506 00:25:14,491 --> 00:25:16,057 and collect our stage, 507 00:25:16,059 --> 00:25:19,059 The Canadian... Glen Foster! 508 00:25:21,097 --> 00:25:23,234 Alright, come on, come on... 509 00:25:27,437 --> 00:25:30,975 We start. Oh thank you very much. It is very nice. 510 00:25:31,542 --> 00:25:33,475 I hope I look fine. I, uh... 511 00:25:33,477 --> 00:25:36,412 I have reached the age of where no matter what I wear, 512 00:25:36,414 --> 00:25:39,248 I just got down looks like a retired police officer. 513 00:25:39,250 --> 00:25:41,053 I see... 514 00:25:41,351 --> 00:25:44,252 After all, I don't need more pressure in my life. 515 00:25:44,254 --> 00:25:47,124 I live with my pre-teen daughter, 516 00:25:47,126 --> 00:25:49,859 - Oh! - My pre-menopausal wife, 517 00:25:51,397 --> 00:25:56,266 and... previously abused Australian female Shepherd. 518 00:25:56,268 --> 00:25:58,268 Oh yeah! 519 00:25:58,270 --> 00:26:00,236 There are a few days I walk through the door, 520 00:26:00,238 --> 00:26:02,873 it's a bitch, bitch, bitch. 521 00:26:05,845 --> 00:26:09,011 But the dog is cute, so... 522 00:26:11,150 --> 00:26:12,216 I will give you another joke. 523 00:26:12,218 --> 00:26:16,053 So this person is in his room. He is in the hospital. 524 00:26:16,055 --> 00:26:16,989 And... 525 00:26:16,991 --> 00:26:19,022 the doctor came to the room, and he said, 526 00:26:19,024 --> 00:26:21,592 "Mr. Smith, I got good news, 527 00:26:21,594 --> 00:26:23,127 and bad news." 528 00:26:23,129 --> 00:26:26,196 So he said, "Give me the bad news first and then you can calm me down with the good news." 529 00:26:26,198 --> 00:26:29,202 Goes, "Well, the bad news is 530 00:26:29,535 --> 00:26:30,902 You have gangrene on both of your legs, 531 00:26:30,904 --> 00:26:32,169 we will have to cut it." 532 00:26:32,171 --> 00:26:33,437 "So, what is this? Good news?" 533 00:26:33,439 --> 00:26:34,575 534 00:26:35,309 --> 00:26:38,180 "Men in another room want to buy all your shoes." 535 00:26:39,246 --> 00:26:42,082 Because they use the same... they use the same size. 536 00:26:42,984 --> 00:26:44,151 And then? 537 00:26:45,553 --> 00:26:47,285 Oh, is that it? 538 00:26:47,287 --> 00:26:49,388 I have to check my message because you made me depressed. 539 00:26:49,390 --> 00:26:50,492 OK? However. 540 00:26:51,592 --> 00:26:53,591 That's a really good joke, sir. Very good. But I am... 541 00:26:53,593 --> 00:26:56,328 - Looks like it doesn't. - I have never heard of it before. 542 00:26:56,330 --> 00:26:59,565 I really want to learn your joke so I understand them. 543 00:26:59,567 --> 00:27:02,070 If you have to learn jokes, is not funny. 544 00:27:04,506 --> 00:27:06,939 Now our next action is known throughout the world 545 00:27:06,941 --> 00:27:08,207 as your neighbor's child. 546 00:27:08,209 --> 00:27:10,075 Women and men, please give up 547 00:27:10,077 --> 00:27:11,244 for Jerry Caring! 548 00:27:12,948 --> 00:27:16,216 Yes! What is happening here? What is going on? 549 00:27:16,218 --> 00:27:18,254 Hey! Pasta fazool, how are you? 550 00:27:18,687 --> 00:27:20,957 Hi, how are you? Glad to see you. 551 00:27:21,390 --> 00:27:25,062 Hey! Faccia in polenta! How are you? 552 00:27:25,561 --> 00:27:26,964 How are you? 553 00:27:29,164 --> 00:27:30,499 How are you, huh? 554 00:27:34,938 --> 00:27:36,907 What is the crowd, what is the crowd! 555 00:27:37,507 --> 00:27:40,006 - Do you feel good? - Yes! 556 00:27:40,008 --> 00:27:41,309 Ay! 557 00:27:41,311 --> 00:27:43,013 Faccia in polenta, how are you? 558 00:27:43,211 --> 00:27:46,148 Anyway, um... The Godfather. 559 00:27:47,116 --> 00:27:48,683 It's getting serious. He is in his office. 560 00:27:48,685 --> 00:27:50,020 Something is happening. 561 00:27:50,386 --> 00:27:52,990 So he called Rocco. "Rocco, enter here! 562 00:27:53,723 --> 00:27:55,259 I have to ask a question." 563 00:27:56,125 --> 00:27:57,427 "Yes, Godfather. Anything." 564 00:27:58,295 --> 00:27:59,663 "What are five plus five?" 565 00:28:00,396 --> 00:28:03,265 Rocco's answer, "Seven." 566 00:28:04,300 --> 00:28:05,936 The foster father slaps his face. 567 00:28:06,537 --> 00:28:09,204 "You are a good child. You are very smart. 568 00:28:09,206 --> 00:28:11,641 Thank you. Go get Anthony. Send him here. 569 00:28:11,643 --> 00:28:12,510 Stay outside." 570 00:28:13,644 --> 00:28:16,214 Anthony comes in, is a little worried. 571 00:28:18,316 --> 00:28:20,552 Godfather asks Anthony, "Anthony... 572 00:28:21,318 --> 00:28:24,289 I will ask you a question. Give me a straight answer. 573 00:28:24,588 --> 00:28:25,721 Are you ready?" 574 00:28:25,723 --> 00:28:27,122 Anthony said, "Yes." 575 00:28:27,124 --> 00:28:28,324 "What are five plus six?" 576 00:28:28,326 --> 00:28:30,395 "Ah, that's easy. It's eleven." 577 00:28:31,596 --> 00:28:33,563 Pulling the gun, bang! 578 00:28:34,500 --> 00:28:36,169 Fall to the floor! No! 579 00:28:36,602 --> 00:28:39,502 Rocco ran in, "Godfather! What happened? 580 00:28:39,504 --> 00:28:40,572 What did you do?" 581 00:28:42,607 --> 00:28:43,640 "He knows too much." 582 00:28:43,642 --> 00:28:45,342 Oh! 583 00:28:45,344 --> 00:28:48,112 This woman has been known to throughout the world 584 00:28:48,114 --> 00:28:50,279 for his role in Growing Pains. 585 00:28:50,281 --> 00:28:52,348 He also collected the cover, 586 00:28:52,350 --> 00:28:57,121 and throughout America is known as a stunning Playmate 587 00:28:57,123 --> 00:28:58,455 in Playboy magazine. 588 00:28:58,457 --> 00:29:00,791 Women and men, please give to... 589 00:29:00,793 --> 00:29:02,292 Julie McCollough! 590 00:29:12,305 --> 00:29:13,637 How are you? 591 00:29:16,342 --> 00:29:18,609 Thank you very much for having me here. 592 00:29:18,611 --> 00:29:21,413 I've lived everywhere United States, all of you. 593 00:29:21,415 --> 00:29:24,183 I used to live in North Carolina, West by God Virginia, 594 00:29:24,185 --> 00:29:28,220 Florida, Louisiana, Missouri, Nevada, 595 00:29:28,222 --> 00:29:30,492 Texas... Woo hoo for Texas! 596 00:29:31,358 --> 00:29:35,196 California, and I was born in Hawaii. Woo hoo! 597 00:29:36,364 --> 00:29:38,263 You can know I'm a Hawaiian, right? 598 00:29:38,265 --> 00:29:42,068 Blonde hair, Southern accent... A dead gift, she's Hawaiian! 599 00:29:47,309 --> 00:29:49,809 - siblings. - Whoo! 600 00:29:52,080 --> 00:29:54,246 Ooh! 601 00:29:54,248 --> 00:29:55,848 That means nothing at all. 602 00:29:57,386 --> 00:29:59,155 Now, our next guest... 603 00:29:59,588 --> 00:30:03,426 He can tell jokes, he's funny, he can sing, but please... 604 00:30:03,692 --> 00:30:06,760 don't make him dance here now. 605 00:30:08,296 --> 00:30:09,631 Women and men, Constantine Meglis! 606 00:30:20,142 --> 00:30:21,809 Good night, ladies and gentlemen. 607 00:30:21,811 --> 00:30:23,080 How are you? 608 00:30:23,279 --> 00:30:25,416 I happened to be six feet nine. 609 00:30:25,614 --> 00:30:26,614 Ooh! 610 00:30:26,616 --> 00:30:30,150 It's not... high, it's like a tall monster. 611 00:30:31,187 --> 00:30:32,456 OK? 612 00:30:33,156 --> 00:30:34,759 Even when I was little. 613 00:30:35,292 --> 00:30:36,828 My kindergarten picture... 614 00:30:38,228 --> 00:30:40,765 I am five years old, is the same as other children. 615 00:30:41,232 --> 00:30:42,801 I look like I'm a teacher. 616 00:30:47,403 --> 00:30:49,471 Sir, you are too hard on your joke. 617 00:30:49,473 --> 00:30:52,241 I'm sure people who understand they will find it funny. 618 00:30:52,243 --> 00:30:53,678 I just don't understand them. 619 00:30:54,544 --> 00:30:55,447 Good. 620 00:30:56,313 --> 00:30:58,717 Will you give a show tonight? 621 00:31:01,753 --> 00:31:02,855 Well, I... 622 00:31:03,354 --> 00:31:05,588 I'm part of the show, because of this... 623 00:31:05,590 --> 00:31:09,324 it's a group of comedians, it's like a procession, 624 00:31:09,326 --> 00:31:11,463 and being broadcast on television on cable. 625 00:31:11,862 --> 00:31:15,331 God! It sounds very impressive. 626 00:31:15,333 --> 00:31:17,202 I wish I could attend. 627 00:31:17,401 --> 00:31:20,472 But I have to drive my car. 628 00:31:20,872 --> 00:31:23,610 Are you... excited, sir? 629 00:31:25,377 --> 00:31:26,579 I won't say... 630 00:31:27,446 --> 00:31:28,613 I'm happy, but... 631 00:31:30,650 --> 00:31:35,255 I might, I would say, relief, because if I do good, 632 00:31:35,488 --> 00:31:38,658 This is basically the break I was looking for. 633 00:31:38,924 --> 00:31:40,392 If I do bad, 634 00:31:40,625 --> 00:31:42,895 I will sell the car for the rest of my life. 635 00:31:43,629 --> 00:31:47,468 God. That is so very important event, then. 636 00:31:48,367 --> 00:31:50,337 Yes, you can say that. Yes. 637 00:31:50,804 --> 00:31:55,176 I wish you the best luck, sir. 638 00:31:55,675 --> 00:31:57,241 It's best Good luck? 639 00:31:57,243 --> 00:31:58,478 It's best Good luck. 640 00:31:58,945 --> 00:32:03,517 Well I am the best respect your wishes. 641 00:32:03,849 --> 00:32:07,251 And I hope that is true for me and for my sake. 642 00:32:07,253 --> 00:32:10,791 And congratulations on your car, which is a tiger... 643 00:32:11,326 --> 00:32:12,594 uh, in heat. 644 00:32:12,827 --> 00:32:15,928 I understand that joke, sir. 645 00:32:17,664 --> 00:32:19,401 "Tiger in heat" do you think is funny? 646 00:32:19,901 --> 00:32:21,933 Well, the tiger in the heat will be very funny. 647 00:32:21,935 --> 00:32:26,305 Uh, dangerous, but I understand how you make it funny. 648 00:32:26,307 --> 00:32:28,410 You... you are a good comedian. 649 00:32:29,978 --> 00:32:31,279 Good. 650 00:32:35,651 --> 00:32:38,821 Are there women here considering breast implants? 651 00:32:39,288 --> 00:32:40,554 - No! - Yes! 652 00:32:40,556 --> 00:32:42,422 Everyone here considers their woman must have a breast implant? 653 00:32:42,424 --> 00:32:43,824 Hey, here it is, ladies. 654 00:32:45,327 --> 00:32:46,593 If you are with a man who wants you 655 00:32:46,595 --> 00:32:47,861 to get a breast implant, get rid of him! 656 00:32:47,863 --> 00:32:50,700 The best breast enlargement sits closer! 657 00:32:51,834 --> 00:32:54,804 Honest, breast enlargement that a man wants you to have, 658 00:32:59,376 --> 00:33:02,676 659 00:33:02,678 --> 00:33:05,046 just because he can't his penis is made bigger. 660 00:33:05,048 --> 00:33:06,817 Oh! 661 00:33:09,519 --> 00:33:11,019 I tried to take care of myself Because I'm a single man. 662 00:33:11,021 --> 00:33:12,720 Trying to find out what women find interesting in a man. 663 00:33:12,722 --> 00:33:14,489 I think I have several things. I don't know if you pay attention, 664 00:33:14,491 --> 00:33:16,457 but my hand... 665 00:33:16,459 --> 00:33:17,695 very beautiful. 666 00:33:18,528 --> 00:33:19,827 I take good care of them. 667 00:33:19,829 --> 00:33:22,697 I have been told the woman is seen in your hand 668 00:33:22,699 --> 00:33:23,932 when they first met you. 669 00:33:23,934 --> 00:33:25,501 They also saw your eyes, I've been told. 670 00:33:25,503 --> 00:33:27,405 I have some sweet baby blues happens behind this safety goggles. 671 00:33:27,605 --> 00:33:28,904 And I've heard the leg before, which I don't understand. 672 00:33:28,906 --> 00:33:30,606 That sounds dirty. 673 00:33:32,510 --> 00:33:34,076 Who saw a man's feet? 674 00:33:34,078 --> 00:33:34,710 675 00:33:34,712 --> 00:33:36,645 676 00:33:36,647 --> 00:33:39,347 This is the size, right? They think you have big shoes, 677 00:33:39,349 --> 00:33:40,848 You got... 678 00:33:42,019 --> 00:33:43,521 ... big panties, right? 679 00:33:44,522 --> 00:33:45,589 I have size 11. 680 00:33:46,658 --> 00:33:48,457 That's a little above average. 681 00:33:50,494 --> 00:33:51,961 They are actually 11 in width. 682 00:33:51,963 --> 00:33:53,766 Whoa! 683 00:33:55,033 --> 00:33:57,767 I can barely get my beautiful hand around that object. 684 00:34:02,640 --> 00:34:05,040 So, do you have... all your friends and family 685 00:34:05,042 --> 00:34:07,780 come to see your appearance tonight? 686 00:34:08,613 --> 00:34:09,678 Are you sure you will go the right way? 687 00:34:09,680 --> 00:34:11,752 Faster, sir. Faster. 688 00:34:12,518 --> 00:34:14,521 - Are you sure? - Very sure. 689 00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:17,121 I don't know if my family comes. 690 00:34:17,123 --> 00:34:18,688 I mean... 691 00:34:18,690 --> 00:34:21,791 My mother and father are no longer here, 692 00:34:21,793 --> 00:34:23,060 - unfortunately. - I'm very sorry, sir. 693 00:34:23,062 --> 00:34:25,929 And I have a brother, and he's married. 694 00:34:25,931 --> 00:34:28,067 And... that's us. 695 00:34:28,701 --> 00:34:30,469 So hopefully he will... 696 00:34:31,536 --> 00:34:32,936 My sister is coming tonight. 697 00:34:54,695 --> 00:34:57,562 Come on, mom is waiting. Let's go say goodbye. 698 00:34:57,564 --> 00:35:00,002 I can't leave. I... I can't do it. 699 00:35:03,004 --> 00:35:03,939 Simon. 700 00:35:04,873 --> 00:35:07,139 Let's go upstairs and say goodbye to mom. 701 00:35:07,141 --> 00:35:08,643 I don't want to say goodbye. 702 00:35:10,011 --> 00:35:10,978 You have to do it. 703 00:35:12,547 --> 00:35:13,582 Hey. 704 00:35:14,448 --> 00:35:15,917 You were not there when father died. 705 00:35:16,151 --> 00:35:17,585 He is waiting for you. 706 00:35:17,785 --> 00:35:19,120 Don't make the same mistake. 707 00:35:19,620 --> 00:35:20,888 Why did you say that? 708 00:35:21,589 --> 00:35:23,059 He wants to say goodbye to you. 709 00:35:23,858 --> 00:35:25,427 I know you regret that. 710 00:35:26,061 --> 00:35:28,664 Let's go, don't make the same mistake. Come on! 711 00:35:29,498 --> 00:35:30,697 That's it, there. Let's go. 712 00:35:59,662 --> 00:36:01,765 Can you give us a minute, please? 713 00:36:11,175 --> 00:36:14,112 Simon? There is a line at the gate of heaven. 714 00:36:14,712 --> 00:36:16,947 Why are you keeping me waiting, my son? 715 00:36:18,882 --> 00:36:22,654 You've tried all your life to make people laugh. 716 00:36:23,721 --> 00:36:26,123 And you always cry for yourself. 717 00:36:26,858 --> 00:36:29,060 Why are you so sad, my son? 718 00:36:39,805 --> 00:36:42,538 And what about your wife, sir? 719 00:36:42,540 --> 00:36:44,109 Are you married? 720 00:36:44,709 --> 00:36:46,812 - I'm not married, no. - Ah. 721 00:36:47,812 --> 00:36:49,881 Have you ever been married? 722 00:36:50,249 --> 00:36:52,015 Jerry, this is quite difficult to get along with yourself, especially with other people. 723 00:36:52,017 --> 00:36:54,017 No, I... 724 00:36:54,019 --> 00:36:54,953 never married. 725 00:36:55,687 --> 00:36:56,923 That's sad. 726 00:36:58,625 --> 00:36:59,760 A man must marry. 727 00:37:00,560 --> 00:37:02,029 Why, to be miserable? 728 00:37:02,695 --> 00:37:03,897 Hm... You haven't found the right woman, I guess. 729 00:37:05,063 --> 00:37:09,569 Do they call you Jerry 730 00:37:09,869 --> 00:37:11,101 Because you like Jerry Springer? 731 00:37:11,103 --> 00:37:12,769 Who is that? 732 00:37:12,771 --> 00:37:14,641 This is not important. 733 00:37:14,873 --> 00:37:16,641 734 00:37:16,643 --> 00:37:18,775 Do you know what? Everyone finds their own happiness, Jerry. 735 00:37:18,777 --> 00:37:21,814 I'm happy at... in... 736 00:37:23,182 --> 00:37:26,920 survival. I am doing fine. I am fine. 737 00:37:28,155 --> 00:37:29,591 Yes I understand. 738 00:37:30,090 --> 00:37:32,593 I am very happy with my Sharmila. 739 00:37:34,093 --> 00:37:36,063 He is not with us anymore, but... 740 00:37:36,829 --> 00:37:38,632 I still talk to him every day. 741 00:37:41,869 --> 00:37:43,671 I have to take this, Jerry, okay? 742 00:37:44,004 --> 00:37:45,139 Of course, sir. 743 00:37:45,940 --> 00:37:47,007 Hello? 744 00:37:47,009 --> 00:37:49,074 Si... What... What the hell is this what are you doing, Simon? 745 00:37:49,076 --> 00:37:51,746 Do you know what? I don't know if I want to do this. ME... 746 00:37:52,047 --> 00:37:54,148 I don't want to embarrass myself. ME... 747 00:37:55,116 --> 00:37:57,349 This is... I think this is a big leap for me, 748 00:37:57,351 --> 00:37:58,351 and I don't think I'm... 749 00:37:58,353 --> 00:38:00,186 I don't think I want to do it. 750 00:38:00,188 --> 00:38:01,587 What are you talking about? 751 00:38:01,589 --> 00:38:04,223 I put my fucking ball on the phone for you. 752 00:38:04,225 --> 00:38:05,824 But you said they wanted me, 753 00:38:05,826 --> 00:38:09,128 why did you tell me is yours? 754 00:38:09,130 --> 00:38:09,695 I don't understand. 755 00:38:09,697 --> 00:38:10,830 Of course they want you! 756 00:38:10,832 --> 00:38:13,367 But I still have to put it my fucking ball on the phone. 757 00:38:13,369 --> 00:38:14,501 You know, credibility! 758 00:38:14,503 --> 00:38:16,303 I'm the person who recommended you. 759 00:38:16,305 --> 00:38:17,870 What's wrong with you? They want you! 760 00:38:17,872 --> 00:38:18,972 Stop shouting in my damn ear. 761 00:38:18,974 --> 00:38:20,307 Don't do this to me. 762 00:38:20,309 --> 00:38:21,941 Don't do this for yourself. 763 00:38:21,943 --> 00:38:23,309 Come here. What are you doing? 764 00:38:23,311 --> 00:38:25,314 Good. 765 00:38:26,148 --> 00:38:28,716 Sometimes I feel like I'm married to you, Sally. 766 00:38:28,718 --> 00:38:31,087 Good. I will do it. We are on our way. 767 00:38:31,387 --> 00:38:33,189 Damn it! 768 00:38:58,115 --> 00:39:00,950 - Hey, Simon! - Hey Do you bring money? 769 00:39:00,952 --> 00:39:02,354 - Of course I do. - Good. 770 00:39:02,854 --> 00:39:04,720 So, tonight do you know what I'm thinking? 771 00:39:04,722 --> 00:39:06,691 I want you to play which is dumb deaf. 772 00:39:07,758 --> 00:39:09,425 I don't want to play which is dumb deaf. 773 00:39:09,427 --> 00:39:10,959 You messed it up already 774 00:39:10,961 --> 00:39:12,764 playing deaf. 775 00:39:42,294 --> 00:39:43,759 Hey, Garry. 776 00:39:43,761 --> 00:39:45,127 Hey, Simon, what happened? 777 00:39:45,129 --> 00:39:47,231 Give me scotch with a few cubes, please. 778 00:39:47,233 --> 00:39:48,268 Sure. 779 00:39:49,402 --> 00:39:52,271 What do you want to drink? 780 00:39:56,409 --> 00:39:57,744 Are you sure? 781 00:39:58,811 --> 00:40:00,748 - Beer, for my friend. - Sure. 782 00:40:11,325 --> 00:40:12,292 OK? 783 00:40:14,428 --> 00:40:15,763 How are you? 784 00:40:17,430 --> 00:40:19,867 I, ah... I speak sign language. 785 00:40:20,334 --> 00:40:23,000 That's nothing that I recognize. 786 00:40:23,002 --> 00:40:24,171 Do you know why? 787 00:40:24,504 --> 00:40:26,307 Because we speak dialects. 788 00:40:27,908 --> 00:40:30,011 Oh 789 00:40:30,410 --> 00:40:31,378 Good. 790 00:40:40,121 --> 00:40:42,088 This is my favorite restaurant in the whole world. 791 00:40:42,090 --> 00:40:45,461 I like this place. Food is truly amazing. 792 00:40:45,994 --> 00:40:47,360 Well, do you know why I came here? 793 00:40:47,362 --> 00:40:49,898 Waiter. He is like a father to me. Push up! 794 00:40:50,931 --> 00:40:52,067 Buddy, we are ready. 795 00:40:54,969 --> 00:40:56,705 Your favorite wine, Simon? 796 00:40:56,904 --> 00:40:57,840 Right. 797 00:40:58,207 --> 00:41:00,173 This is my favorite restaurant, I... 798 00:41:00,175 --> 00:41:01,941 I come here all the time and I like servants. 799 00:41:01,943 --> 00:41:04,511 She's like... father to me. 800 00:41:04,513 --> 00:41:06,147 Push up? 801 00:41:06,149 --> 00:41:08,015 This is my favorite restaurant in the whole world. 802 00:41:08,017 --> 00:41:09,319 I like this place. 803 00:41:09,986 --> 00:41:11,922 And... that waiter 804 00:41:12,789 --> 00:41:14,925 like a father to me. Push up! 805 00:41:15,358 --> 00:41:16,892 We are ready, friend. 806 00:41:17,859 --> 00:41:19,162 Your favorite wine, Simon? 807 00:41:23,534 --> 00:41:25,470 - Miss? - Please. 808 00:41:26,002 --> 00:41:27,002 Thank you. 809 00:41:28,806 --> 00:41:30,806 - Madam? - Please. 810 00:41:32,342 --> 00:41:33,474 Pinello! 811 00:41:33,476 --> 00:41:35,210 You spoil me, Simon. 812 00:41:35,212 --> 00:41:37,148 - Miss? - Yes, please. 813 00:41:41,851 --> 00:41:43,254 Do you mind if I order for us? 814 00:41:43,821 --> 00:41:45,320 Ah... no. Thank you. 815 00:41:45,322 --> 00:41:47,356 We won't need it menu. I know exactly... 816 00:41:47,358 --> 00:41:49,959 - Do you mind if I order for us? - Not all. 817 00:41:49,961 --> 00:41:51,796 - Do you mind if I order? - Not. 818 00:41:52,229 --> 00:41:54,296 We will have filet mignon, 819 00:41:54,298 --> 00:41:55,399 lobster tail, 820 00:41:56,099 --> 00:41:58,002 and I want it to make angel hair... 821 00:41:58,369 --> 00:42:01,003 like they did for me, all puttanesca. 822 00:42:01,005 --> 00:42:02,370 Please? Thank you. 823 00:42:02,372 --> 00:42:04,976 So we will have filet mignon, 824 00:42:05,242 --> 00:42:06,943 with lobster. 825 00:42:06,945 --> 00:42:09,314 We will have angel hair paste all puttanesca. 826 00:42:09,915 --> 00:42:11,384 OK? Thank you. 827 00:42:11,884 --> 00:42:13,984 We will have filet mignon, 828 00:42:13,986 --> 00:42:15,319 lobster tail, 829 00:42:15,321 --> 00:42:18,589 and can you make angel hair all puttanesca, please? 830 00:42:18,591 --> 00:42:20,125 - Of course. - Thank you. 831 00:42:21,861 --> 00:42:23,263 - Cheerful. - Cheerful. 832 00:42:26,531 --> 00:42:27,897 - Cheerful. - Cheerful. 833 00:42:27,899 --> 00:42:29,199 Thank you for coming out tonight. 834 00:42:29,201 --> 00:42:30,969 Thank you for having me. 835 00:42:44,450 --> 00:42:47,050 Is it okay? I got to make a speed dial outside. 836 00:42:47,052 --> 00:42:48,586 - I'll be right back. - No problem. 837 00:42:48,588 --> 00:42:50,954 I will make a quick call. Can I? 838 00:42:50,956 --> 00:42:52,457 Not all of them. Use your time. 839 00:42:52,459 --> 00:42:54,425 I have to make a quick call, if you don't mind. 840 00:42:54,427 --> 00:42:55,894 - Is that okay with you? - Mm-hm. 841 00:42:55,896 --> 00:42:56,894 - Sure. - Back soon. 842 00:42:56,896 --> 00:42:57,897 Everything okay? 843 00:42:57,899 --> 00:42:59,034 - Amazing. - Good. 844 00:42:59,901 --> 00:43:01,069 Give me a minute. 845 00:43:02,469 --> 00:43:03,437 I'll be back soon. 846 00:43:05,973 --> 00:43:07,209 Come back soon. 847 00:43:20,053 --> 00:43:21,453 Is everything okay? 848 00:43:21,455 --> 00:43:23,423 Everything is amazing, but... Jack, where is Simon? 849 00:43:23,425 --> 00:43:25,525 He is on the phone. It's been a long time... 850 00:43:25,527 --> 00:43:26,992 Is everything okay? 851 00:43:26,994 --> 00:43:28,463 Yes, amazing... 852 00:43:32,034 --> 00:43:33,266 Is everything okay? 853 00:43:33,268 --> 00:43:35,170 Mm, good, thank you. 854 00:43:40,474 --> 00:43:41,509 Where is Simon? 855 00:43:42,043 --> 00:43:43,311 Will he come back? 856 00:43:43,679 --> 00:43:44,981 No 857 00:43:48,551 --> 00:43:50,283 Motherfucker! 858 00:43:50,285 --> 00:43:53,222 You jerk! 859 00:43:54,089 --> 00:43:56,022 I will scratch it his eyes come out 860 00:43:56,024 --> 00:43:57,223 next time I see it! 861 00:44:13,009 --> 00:44:14,509 Simon, are you okay? 862 00:44:14,511 --> 00:44:16,179 Yes I'm good. Listening to... 863 00:44:16,646 --> 00:44:19,380 First of all, thank you for the way you care for me, 864 00:44:19,382 --> 00:44:20,414 I appreciate it. 865 00:44:20,416 --> 00:44:22,085 Anything for you. It's okay, Simon. 866 00:44:22,453 --> 00:44:25,387 That last girl, I think her name is Margaret... 867 00:44:25,389 --> 00:44:26,121 Yes. 868 00:44:26,123 --> 00:44:28,259 How does he do it pay bills? 869 00:44:28,592 --> 00:44:30,161 Good... 870 00:44:30,427 --> 00:44:32,597 When he saw the bill, he began to laugh. 871 00:44:41,006 --> 00:44:42,241 Good... 872 00:44:45,243 --> 00:44:47,243 Leave here. He starts laughing? 873 00:44:47,245 --> 00:44:49,011 Yes, he laughed. 874 00:44:49,013 --> 00:44:50,381 Did he call me name? 875 00:44:51,115 --> 00:44:52,617 No. 876 00:44:53,417 --> 00:44:54,519 Very? 877 00:44:55,220 --> 00:44:56,519 Ok, thank you, friend. 878 00:44:56,521 --> 00:44:58,121 I appreciate it. I will see you soon. 879 00:44:58,123 --> 00:45:00,092 - OK? - It is okay. Whatever, Simon. 880 00:45:12,438 --> 00:45:13,440 Hello? 881 00:45:13,773 --> 00:45:15,608 Um... Margaret? 882 00:45:16,741 --> 00:45:18,544 That's Simon. 883 00:45:19,811 --> 00:45:22,148 Wow, ah... 884 00:45:22,716 --> 00:45:24,381 I'm surprised. 885 00:45:24,383 --> 00:45:26,051 I honestly don't think I will hear from you again. 886 00:45:26,053 --> 00:45:28,321 I'm really... I'm sorry I have to go, something... 887 00:45:28,655 --> 00:45:31,589 come and I can't get out , and I'm sorry. 888 00:45:31,591 --> 00:45:32,557 Ah-ha. 889 00:45:32,559 --> 00:45:34,426 I want to make it up for you, if possible. 890 00:45:34,428 --> 00:45:36,564 Can I take you out again? 891 00:45:38,365 --> 00:45:41,369 You... do you want me to buy you dinner again? 892 00:45:42,602 --> 00:45:47,442 No no. I want to redeem it to you, and I get... 893 00:45:48,109 --> 00:45:49,708 I got big things happened tonight, 894 00:45:49,710 --> 00:45:51,810 I appeared on The Comedy Basement. 895 00:45:51,812 --> 00:45:55,249 Being aired on television. 896 00:45:55,850 --> 00:45:57,750 And if you come... If you can make it tonight, 897 00:45:57,752 --> 00:46:00,589 I appreciate it, and I will make it up for you. 898 00:46:02,656 --> 00:46:04,191 Ah... 899 00:46:06,326 --> 00:46:08,696 Let me think about it. 900 00:46:10,164 --> 00:46:11,363 Good. 901 00:46:11,365 --> 00:46:12,765 Sorry about that, really. 902 00:46:12,767 --> 00:46:14,771 I'm sorry about that, I will make it up for you. Well? 903 00:46:15,369 --> 00:46:17,239 - It's okay. - Try to make it tonight. 904 00:46:18,139 --> 00:46:19,374 - OK. - Goodbye. 905 00:46:19,641 --> 00:46:21,144 - Goodbye. - Goodbye. 906 00:46:28,650 --> 00:46:30,517 My father is a coal miner on the hill 907 00:46:30,519 --> 00:46:32,385 from the West by God Virginia. 908 00:46:32,387 --> 00:46:34,187 So I'm a daughter of a coal miner. 909 00:46:35,859 --> 00:46:37,525 He is a marine, 910 00:46:37,527 --> 00:46:40,464 he's in the United States Marine Corps, so oorah! 911 00:46:40,730 --> 00:46:42,496 - Yes! - Oorah! 912 00:46:42,498 --> 00:46:45,665 My mother, she works in a church in Durham, North Carolina. 913 00:46:45,667 --> 00:46:48,668 So naturally, I'm a Playboy Playmate. 914 00:46:52,475 --> 00:46:54,678 Right, I'm Miss February... 915 00:46:55,178 --> 00:46:56,747 Whoo! 916 00:46:58,682 --> 00:47:00,349 ... 1986. 917 00:47:02,552 --> 00:47:04,253 I hate saying that year, 918 00:47:04,255 --> 00:47:05,523 This is a dead giveaway. 919 00:47:06,590 --> 00:47:09,760 I'm old... erish. 920 00:47:10,728 --> 00:47:14,162 I am 33 years old in the Playmate year! Whoo hoo! 921 00:47:18,434 --> 00:47:21,837 Everyone here likes to send photos of their penis to prospective date? 922 00:47:21,839 --> 00:47:23,741 Good, I'm glad nobody's clapping. 923 00:47:24,942 --> 00:47:26,843 Because I know most of you are liars, 924 00:47:28,479 --> 00:47:30,582 but at least you have common sense 925 00:47:31,415 --> 00:47:32,748 don't recognize it in the crowd. 926 00:47:32,750 --> 00:47:34,850 Not sure why a man will send a penis to a woman. 927 00:47:36,520 --> 00:47:38,788 928 00:47:38,790 --> 00:47:42,192 Is that what they expected later during dating 929 00:47:42,194 --> 00:47:43,625 they can't be imitated? 930 00:47:45,398 --> 00:47:48,199 Like, "Wait a minute, I've seen your penis, 931 00:47:48,201 --> 00:47:50,469 and it's not your penis!" 932 00:47:52,505 --> 00:47:54,338 I just don't understand it. 933 00:47:54,340 --> 00:47:57,474 Women are not suitable for men for the penis. 934 00:47:57,476 --> 00:47:58,612 Am I right, woman? 935 00:47:59,646 --> 00:48:02,278 When you know the size of a man's penis, 936 00:48:02,280 --> 00:48:03,616 You are committed. 937 00:48:04,516 --> 00:48:06,349 There is a woman who has seen it on the penis and said, 938 00:48:06,351 --> 00:48:07,721 "Sorry, I'm out of here?" 939 00:48:10,524 --> 00:48:11,990 I imagine that will happen 940 00:48:11,992 --> 00:48:14,392 not because it's too small, but because it's too big. 941 00:48:14,394 --> 00:48:16,394 Ooh! 942 00:48:16,396 --> 00:48:18,231 Ladies, do you like them very big? 943 00:48:18,932 --> 00:48:20,497 Hey, I don't understand that. 944 00:48:20,499 --> 00:48:22,633 I think the idea of sex is that it is intimacy. 945 00:48:22,635 --> 00:48:24,368 Why do you want to have sex with a man 946 00:48:24,370 --> 00:48:25,673 who is in another room? 947 00:48:29,575 --> 00:48:30,941 Is everything okay, sir? 948 00:48:30,943 --> 00:48:32,345 It's okay, I guess. 949 00:48:33,480 --> 00:48:36,882 You seem to be very drunk with that phone call. 950 00:48:36,884 --> 00:48:38,583 Sorry? 951 00:48:38,585 --> 00:48:40,385 Sorry, calm, sad. 952 00:48:40,387 --> 00:48:41,355 For a comedian, 953 00:48:42,223 --> 00:48:43,791 that doesn't sound good, I don't think. 954 00:48:44,625 --> 00:48:46,694 I'm not sad. I just... 955 00:48:47,962 --> 00:48:49,864 I think I'm just... 956 00:48:50,398 --> 00:48:51,896 got a lot of things that happened on my mind Because I appear and there is a lot of pressure, 957 00:48:51,898 --> 00:48:54,699 & apos; Causing five minutes for a comedian is eternity. 958 00:48:54,701 --> 00:48:57,706 Hmm... I understand. 959 00:48:57,972 --> 00:49:00,409 But are you ready for for five minutes? 960 00:49:01,876 --> 00:49:04,813 Am I ready? 961 00:49:05,881 --> 00:49:07,383 Has anyone been prepared in life? 962 00:49:08,416 --> 00:49:10,352 963 00:49:10,952 --> 00:49:12,551 I don't know. We will see later. 964 00:49:12,553 --> 00:49:14,354 I mean, everything is time. 965 00:49:14,356 --> 00:49:18,962 Sometimes when you're on stage your time is bang-on, and... 966 00:49:20,028 --> 00:49:22,462 You are in rhythm audience and crowd, 967 00:49:22,464 --> 00:49:24,331 and sometimes when you are not active, 968 00:49:24,333 --> 00:49:26,569 and you die slowly. 969 00:49:27,569 --> 00:49:30,873 Hmm Well, I have believe in you, sir. 970 00:49:33,576 --> 00:49:35,713 What kind of faith are you talking about? 971 00:49:38,982 --> 00:49:40,516 In my country... 972 00:49:41,851 --> 00:49:43,854 there are only a few reasons for faith. 973 00:49:44,788 --> 00:49:45,991 In this country, 974 00:49:46,657 --> 00:49:48,492 You have every reason for faith. 975 00:49:49,327 --> 00:49:50,395 I have faith. 976 00:49:51,595 --> 00:49:52,731 Do you have faith? 977 00:49:53,430 --> 00:49:55,467 I have a feeling about you, sir. 978 00:49:58,102 --> 00:50:00,772 But you don't even know who I am, or who I am. 979 00:50:03,207 --> 00:50:05,606 You know there are two types of people in the world, right? 980 00:50:05,608 --> 00:50:08,512 What do you mean, two types of people? 981 00:50:09,046 --> 00:50:10,714 There is a good soul, 982 00:50:10,716 --> 00:50:12,382 and there are bastards. 983 00:50:12,384 --> 00:50:14,887 How do you know I'm a good soul and not a bastard? 984 00:50:16,020 --> 00:50:17,823 Faith, sir. Faith. 985 00:50:20,658 --> 00:50:22,625 The dog is cute. Roxy, that's the name. 986 00:50:22,627 --> 00:50:25,027 We have a little compromise with that dog. 987 00:50:25,029 --> 00:50:26,596 I want to get a male dog so we have two castrated men in the family. 988 00:50:26,598 --> 00:50:28,531 What happened was I took my daughter to see the puppies, 989 00:50:30,035 --> 00:50:32,935 and he fell in love with a woman, 990 00:50:32,937 --> 00:50:34,972 and he named the Roxy, 991 00:50:34,974 --> 00:50:36,773 because he had never been to a strip club before. 992 00:50:36,775 --> 00:50:41,512 I know, is the name of a stripper! 993 00:50:42,749 --> 00:50:44,447 If you are a man, there is a list of names in your head and they don't in your head all cute, 994 00:50:44,449 --> 00:50:46,751 not like, "Roxy!" 995 00:50:46,753 --> 00:50:48,017 It's like, "Roxay!" 996 00:50:48,019 --> 00:50:49,753 997 00:50:49,755 --> 00:50:52,391 998 00:50:53,025 --> 00:50:54,457 "Come to the dog park 999 00:50:54,459 --> 00:50:57,795 now, gentlemen, it's Roxay!" 1000 00:50:59,031 --> 00:51:01,433 I know, I feel creepy just calling this dog. 1001 00:51:01,435 --> 00:51:05,038 I say, "Roxy! Here is the girl..." 1002 00:51:05,471 --> 00:51:06,737 "Who wants big bones? 1003 00:51:06,739 --> 00:51:09,576 Hah? Who wants?" 1004 00:51:10,611 --> 00:51:12,879 Why are you so happy? 1005 00:51:14,013 --> 00:51:15,482 Look around you, sir. 1006 00:51:16,450 --> 00:51:17,448 And? 1007 00:51:17,450 --> 00:51:18,685 This is heaven. 1008 00:51:23,992 --> 00:51:25,594 Is this heaven for you? 1009 00:51:25,960 --> 00:51:26,961 Very much so. 1010 00:51:30,632 --> 00:51:31,800 Good. Do you know what? 1011 00:51:32,534 --> 00:51:34,802 I will take it consider... 1012 00:51:35,836 --> 00:51:36,771 tonight. 1013 00:51:37,639 --> 00:51:40,876 And hopefully giving me a big break. 1014 00:51:43,143 --> 00:51:44,445 Hopefully. 1015 00:51:45,981 --> 00:51:46,883 Have faith, sir. 1016 00:51:48,551 --> 00:51:49,886 Do you have faith in life? 1017 00:51:51,854 --> 00:51:53,723 I'm grateful every morning. 1018 00:51:56,859 --> 00:51:57,861 For what? 1019 00:51:58,526 --> 00:51:59,561 For who I am. 1020 00:51:59,995 --> 00:52:03,866 For me... happiness, for my children. 1021 00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:06,669 Because of life. 1022 00:52:07,002 --> 00:52:08,538 Good. Good. 1023 00:52:13,143 --> 00:52:15,579 My father always plans for the future. 1024 00:52:16,947 --> 00:52:19,049 But the future is short-lived for him. 1025 00:52:20,683 --> 00:52:21,918 What will you do? 1026 00:52:26,056 --> 00:52:28,188 I do a number of TV shows you might know, 1027 00:52:28,190 --> 00:52:31,059 I'm in Growing Pains, I'm on The Drew Carey Show, 1028 00:52:31,061 --> 00:52:33,495 I play Peaches, the neighbor of the village. 1029 00:52:33,497 --> 00:52:34,796 I'm in The Golden Girls, 1030 00:52:34,798 --> 00:52:37,001 I am them neighboring neighbor. Mary. 1031 00:52:37,267 --> 00:52:39,868 Um, I did Beverly Hills 90210, 1032 00:52:39,870 --> 00:52:42,504 I did nine covers Playboy magazine 1033 00:52:42,506 --> 00:52:43,839 all over the world, whoo hoo! 1034 00:52:46,243 --> 00:52:47,910 Thank you very much. 1035 00:52:47,912 --> 00:52:50,011 I want everyone to know which I thought I was. 1036 00:52:51,883 --> 00:52:53,915 Because what I really is just a small city, 1037 00:52:53,917 --> 00:52:55,783 wear blue jean, riding four wheels, 1038 00:52:55,785 --> 00:52:58,054 hamlet people talk, listen to country music, 1039 00:52:58,056 --> 00:52:59,889 sit like a truck, give a blowjob, 1040 00:52:59,891 --> 00:53:01,791 loving blue-collar boy gal type. 1041 00:53:08,132 --> 00:53:09,565 Most people are here, 1042 00:53:09,567 --> 00:53:11,000 when a Playboy Playmate speaks, 1043 00:53:11,002 --> 00:53:15,639 it's "wah wah wah, wah wah wah, give blowjob, 1044 00:53:15,641 --> 00:53:17,677 wah wah wah wah." 1045 00:53:18,676 --> 00:53:21,814 I'm sorry that he's not here for... 1046 00:53:22,782 --> 00:53:23,984 present tonight. 1047 00:53:25,285 --> 00:53:26,553 Me too. 1048 00:53:27,119 --> 00:53:28,218 Me too. 1049 00:53:28,220 --> 00:53:29,590 He is my biggest fan. 1050 00:53:29,988 --> 00:53:33,593 And he accompanied me when I was ridiculed. 1051 00:53:34,026 --> 00:53:34,961 But he is here. 1052 00:53:39,298 --> 00:53:42,999 You have to forgive me, Jerry, because it's a little cynical. 1053 00:53:43,001 --> 00:53:45,237 I really, really, don't want to offend 1054 00:53:45,239 --> 00:53:48,674 what you believe in, in... your culture and religion, 1055 00:53:48,676 --> 00:53:49,775 but I don't believe in that nonsense. 1056 00:53:49,777 --> 00:53:51,112 My father has faith, 1057 00:53:52,011 --> 00:53:54,181 so is my mother, and they both left. 1058 00:53:55,716 --> 00:53:57,852 Do they have a good life? Are they happy? 1059 00:54:00,187 --> 00:54:01,152 Yes, they are. 1060 00:54:01,154 --> 00:54:02,987 Well, I never saw it My father is on his deathbed, 1061 00:54:02,989 --> 00:54:05,290 because I don't have the guts. 1062 00:54:05,292 --> 00:54:07,194 I don't have the guts. 1063 00:54:07,761 --> 00:54:10,099 But my mom, huh. I was there when... 1064 00:54:10,731 --> 00:54:15,070 he has the last breath of his life before they delete... 1065 00:54:15,903 --> 00:54:17,639 the battery from it. 1066 00:54:19,708 --> 00:54:20,976 Yes, he is happy. 1067 00:54:24,646 --> 00:54:26,180 You are there for your mother. 1068 00:54:28,383 --> 00:54:30,920 That is a tremendous blessing. 1069 00:54:33,622 --> 00:54:34,557 I agree. 1070 00:54:35,859 --> 00:54:39,062 I do it, Jerry, I agree. I'm happy I can say goodbye to him. 1071 00:54:39,629 --> 00:54:42,933 And I'm disappointed in myself, honest with you, 1072 00:54:43,633 --> 00:54:45,832 that I did not get the chance to say goodbye to my father, 1073 00:54:45,834 --> 00:54:47,202 because I'm a coward. 1074 00:54:51,640 --> 00:54:53,140 And the whole theory is about, 1075 00:54:53,142 --> 00:54:55,712 You know, how about black people Everything should be hung properly? 1076 00:54:56,011 --> 00:54:58,646 You think about the damage it's for black men 1077 00:54:58,648 --> 00:54:59,780 which is hung on average? 1078 00:55:01,784 --> 00:55:04,284 Just think about how they have to take a walk 1079 00:55:04,286 --> 00:55:06,887 knowing that one day they will show their penis 1080 00:55:06,889 --> 00:55:09,324 and it won't happen 12 inches soft. 1081 00:55:10,994 --> 00:55:13,061 And just think about how bad they will feel compared to to people in porn. 1082 00:55:13,063 --> 00:55:14,999 Because that's the only place The penis is actually very big. 1083 00:55:15,298 --> 00:55:18,636 Oh, there is a woman here Who doubts that? 1084 00:55:19,302 --> 00:55:21,671 The man sitting next to him beamed. 1085 00:55:23,006 --> 00:55:24,809 1086 00:55:25,109 --> 00:55:26,676 - Yes - Where is your hand? 1087 00:55:26,678 --> 00:55:27,877 Why under the table? 1088 00:55:30,214 --> 00:55:33,915 Let us not be sad, You are a funny man. 1089 00:55:33,917 --> 00:55:35,750 You will be performing tonight. 1090 00:55:35,752 --> 00:55:38,055 You are a very funny man. I know it! 1091 00:55:38,321 --> 00:55:40,455 Are you from Jerry Seinfeld? 1092 00:55:40,457 --> 00:55:41,760 Who? 1093 00:55:42,359 --> 00:55:43,729 No problem. 1094 00:55:44,328 --> 00:55:46,797 I give you two jokes and you don't laugh. 1095 00:55:46,799 --> 00:55:48,034 I don't understand that. 1096 00:55:50,168 --> 00:55:51,103 Try another one. 1097 00:55:52,237 --> 00:55:53,206 Well... 1098 00:55:53,971 --> 00:55:55,137 But thank you, Jerry, 1099 00:55:55,139 --> 00:55:56,842 I really appreciate that, actually. 1100 00:55:58,409 --> 00:56:02,144 I don't want to take Uber, because, I told my brother 1101 00:56:02,146 --> 00:56:03,746 "They all smell like curry." 1102 00:56:03,748 --> 00:56:05,949 - Hm? - But your car smells new. 1103 00:56:05,951 --> 00:56:07,717 Because it's new! 1104 00:56:07,719 --> 00:56:10,354 Next week, if I pick you up, it smells like curry, but... 1105 00:56:10,356 --> 00:56:13,026 That's funny. 1106 00:56:13,959 --> 00:56:16,761 At least you're honest... You're a good man, Jerry! 1107 00:56:16,763 --> 00:56:17,865 Thank you, sir. 1108 00:56:18,865 --> 00:56:19,767 Are we close? 1109 00:56:20,066 --> 00:56:22,035 Three and a half minutes, sir. 1110 00:56:25,338 --> 00:56:26,839 Three and a half minutes. 1111 00:56:28,441 --> 00:56:30,107 Because I am a playmate, 1112 00:56:30,109 --> 00:56:31,508 everyone just thinks I know everything about sex. 1113 00:56:31,510 --> 00:56:33,113 Sex, sex, sex... Noah-uh! 1114 00:56:34,148 --> 00:56:35,847 I will get married, 1115 00:56:35,849 --> 00:56:38,319 I don't even know how to give... blowjob! 1116 00:56:38,953 --> 00:56:40,351 And, um, then... 1117 00:56:40,353 --> 00:56:43,154 I can't have sex talks with my mother, 1118 00:56:43,156 --> 00:56:45,324 Because he works in the church and it's not comfortable. 1119 00:56:45,326 --> 00:56:48,427 So I went to Ms. Mary, Secretary Hugh Hefner. 1120 00:56:48,429 --> 00:56:50,896 Has anyone watched The Girls Next Door show? 1121 00:56:50,898 --> 00:56:52,230 - Do you know the show? - Yes! 1122 00:56:52,232 --> 00:56:54,166 Okay, you know who Mrs. Mary? 1123 00:56:54,168 --> 00:56:58,437 False. Mary was in her 70s when she gave me sex talk. 1124 00:56:58,439 --> 00:56:59,974 And this is what he said. 1125 00:57:00,242 --> 00:57:02,542 He said: "Honey, You really know that & apos; blows & apos; 1126 00:57:02,544 --> 00:57:04,544 only expressions, right? 1127 00:57:05,847 --> 00:57:07,249 It must be called" suck it "." 1128 00:57:10,919 --> 00:57:12,285 I did it very well. 1129 00:57:12,287 --> 00:57:14,153 I have these good eyes, size of feet that is worth it, 1130 00:57:14,155 --> 00:57:15,988 and this is beautiful, beautiful hands. 1131 00:57:15,990 --> 00:57:17,524 Whoo! 1132 00:57:17,526 --> 00:57:20,096 What they don't say to me is that if you lose your hair, 1133 00:57:20,461 --> 00:57:22,163 there are no other bad things. 1134 00:57:26,868 --> 00:57:28,738 I recently started to shave my head. 1135 00:57:29,437 --> 00:57:32,475 I think as an act of giving up in the name of my hair, really. 1136 00:57:33,176 --> 00:57:35,042 That's obviously losing war to my forehead 1137 00:57:35,044 --> 00:57:36,576 for my face dominance. 1138 00:57:39,047 --> 00:57:40,484 That hair makes a great fight. 1139 00:57:40,949 --> 00:57:42,583 But the force continues to retreat, 1140 00:57:42,585 --> 00:57:44,418 and backwards, and backwards... 1141 00:57:44,420 --> 00:57:45,790 Yes. 1142 00:57:46,990 --> 00:57:49,157 And then some of my foreheads flank them from behind. 1143 00:57:53,963 --> 00:57:55,930 Are there other famous comedians 1144 00:57:55,932 --> 00:57:57,300 like yourself tonight? 1145 00:57:58,202 --> 00:58:00,434 Um, you know what, I'm really bad with names, 1146 00:58:00,436 --> 00:58:02,838 but yes, it's very... 1147 00:58:02,840 --> 00:58:06,006 People are far more talented than me, people are very famous. 1148 00:58:06,008 --> 00:58:08,343 I'm not famous at all, no one knows me. 1149 00:58:08,345 --> 00:58:10,179 Oh, then this sounds like 1150 00:58:10,181 --> 00:58:12,050 good opportunity for you. 1151 00:58:13,884 --> 00:58:15,953 Yes, and I'm actually... 1152 00:58:17,955 --> 00:58:20,288 quite surprised, and trying to understand why do I have this opportunity, because... 1153 00:58:20,290 --> 00:58:22,493 I think I'm rather... 1154 00:58:23,093 --> 00:58:24,960 Being a little honest with myself, 1155 00:58:24,962 --> 00:58:26,531 I don't believe I have the right to get this opportunity 1156 00:58:27,297 --> 00:58:29,265 1157 00:58:29,267 --> 00:58:31,002 because I've been very lazy. 1158 00:58:33,639 --> 00:58:36,809 Opportunities not come to those who deserve, 1159 00:58:37,208 --> 00:58:40,112 the same as bad things happen for those who are inappropriate. 1160 00:58:40,545 --> 00:58:44,049 You only have to accept it, and not judge it. 1161 00:58:45,316 --> 00:58:47,251 So you mean going with the flow? 1162 00:58:47,253 --> 00:58:50,123 Well, thank for that opportunity. 1163 00:58:52,458 --> 00:58:54,994 And kill! 1164 00:58:55,226 --> 00:58:56,193 "Killing?" 1165 00:58:56,195 --> 00:58:57,498 Isn't that what they say? 1166 00:58:58,163 --> 00:59:00,267 Yes, is true. 1167 00:59:01,267 --> 00:59:04,003 I will do my best, Jerry, I will do my best. 1168 00:59:05,272 --> 00:59:07,138 By the way, have you ever noticed 1169 00:59:07,140 --> 00:59:08,672 that there are lots of jokes you can't say anymore? 1170 00:59:08,674 --> 00:59:11,475 Things become very sensitive, there are jokes that you can't tell. 1171 00:59:11,477 --> 00:59:15,048 Which one, okay, I understand, we are far more enlightened now. 1172 00:59:15,415 --> 00:59:16,413 But what we will do 1173 00:59:16,415 --> 00:59:18,649 with all the great Newfie people and Polish jokes? 1174 00:59:20,319 --> 00:59:22,253 Who is the target now? 1175 00:59:22,255 --> 00:59:24,222 So, come on the idea of the submarine 1176 00:59:24,224 --> 00:59:26,260 with screen door, it's funny! 1177 00:59:27,561 --> 00:59:30,695 The idea of mission to the sun who landed at night? 1178 00:59:30,697 --> 00:59:31,996 That's funny! 1179 00:59:33,300 --> 00:59:35,700 But now we can't install it for any ethnic group. 1180 00:59:35,702 --> 00:59:37,635 What group can we still make fun of? 1181 00:59:37,637 --> 00:59:39,938 I think there is one group we can still make fun of 1182 00:59:39,940 --> 00:59:41,307 that everyone hates. 1183 00:59:41,309 --> 00:59:42,307 Parents. 1184 00:59:43,510 --> 00:59:46,645 Am I wrong? Everyone hates parents. 1185 00:59:48,316 --> 00:59:51,219 And let's face it, parents are your age plus 40. 1186 00:59:53,155 --> 00:59:54,990 I started losing my hair when I was 19 years old. 1187 00:59:55,189 --> 00:59:58,126 - Ooh! - Yes, it seems unfair at all. 1188 00:59:58,526 --> 01:00:01,530 I left one day I had to use a fake ID to enter the bar, 1189 01:00:02,229 --> 01:00:04,631 The next day I got a senior discount at Denny & sos; 1190 01:00:14,009 --> 01:00:16,210 We are almost there, Mr. Simon. 1191 01:00:16,212 --> 01:00:17,347 Are you practicing? 1192 01:00:20,583 --> 01:00:21,551 I never practiced. 1193 01:00:25,320 --> 01:00:26,223 Never? 1194 01:00:27,556 --> 01:00:28,491 Never. 1195 01:00:29,493 --> 01:00:33,196 Then you have to Be perfect. 1196 01:00:34,064 --> 01:00:35,700 I am far from being perfect. 1197 01:00:36,233 --> 01:00:38,236 Maybe that's why I don't practice. 1198 01:00:39,269 --> 01:00:41,502 I have to practice everything I do 1199 01:00:41,504 --> 01:00:44,075 because I want to be perfect. 1200 01:00:45,108 --> 01:00:46,977 Maybe that what should I do. 1201 01:00:48,579 --> 01:00:50,544 Mr. Simon, remember what you said: 1202 01:00:50,546 --> 01:00:54,649 there are two types of people, good souls and bastards. 1203 01:00:54,651 --> 01:00:56,120 You are a good soul. 1204 01:00:56,788 --> 01:00:58,090 do you think? 1205 01:00:58,690 --> 01:01:00,359 - I know. - Do you really think? 1206 01:01:01,225 --> 01:01:02,157 I have faith. 1207 01:01:07,498 --> 01:01:08,399 Thank you, Jerry. 1208 01:01:10,067 --> 01:01:12,136 That means a lot to me, I appreciate it. 1209 01:01:13,670 --> 01:01:15,139 Maybe that's what I need. 1210 01:01:16,306 --> 01:01:17,575 I need a little confidence. 1211 01:01:22,814 --> 01:01:26,682 Actually, I've done it many shows on cruise ships, 1212 01:01:26,684 --> 01:01:29,322 but the market is dry type now. 1213 01:01:30,155 --> 01:01:31,120 I see... 1214 01:01:32,691 --> 01:01:35,258 My favorite Cruise ship recently... 1215 01:01:35,260 --> 01:01:37,760 That's the Italian that goes up to its side. 1216 01:01:37,762 --> 01:01:39,296 Aw! 1217 01:01:39,298 --> 01:01:41,564 The captain, "Cap & apos; n Crunch" 1218 01:01:41,566 --> 01:01:44,501 because I like to call him, do you know what he did? 1219 01:01:44,503 --> 01:01:48,306 Basically he tried to wave to a friend on the ground, 1220 01:01:48,308 --> 01:01:50,607 and basically he does it, like, maritime equivalent 1221 01:01:50,609 --> 01:01:54,411 buzzing tower on a small plane, huh? 1222 01:01:54,413 --> 01:01:57,382 And he got out of the boat, this person, he got out of the ship, 1223 01:01:57,384 --> 01:02:00,054 before the passengers, before the crew. 1224 01:02:00,319 --> 01:02:01,853 Right? And the reason! 1225 01:02:01,855 --> 01:02:03,587 "Oh, it's dark! 1226 01:02:03,589 --> 01:02:05,589 Dark, I fell in the lifeboat. 1227 01:02:05,591 --> 01:02:09,528 This starts to row by itself, I don't know how to control it. 1228 01:02:09,530 --> 01:02:11,197 I know how to work big ships, 1229 01:02:11,199 --> 01:02:13,631 these little children are a mystery to me. " 1230 01:02:17,104 --> 01:02:20,338 " Oh, I just tried it, I'm testing a lifeboat 1231 01:02:20,340 --> 01:02:23,108 to ensure it is safe for other passengers. " 1232 01:02:24,512 --> 01:02:27,412 And I say, the good thing is happening in Italy. 1233 01:02:27,414 --> 01:02:30,184 Right? Off the coast of Italy. 1234 01:02:30,450 --> 01:02:32,485 Because somewhere else In the world, 1235 01:02:32,487 --> 01:02:34,386 " I don't speak English! 1236 01:02:34,388 --> 01:02:36,823 The boat goes boom boom, it sinks! I don't know what happened! 1237 01:02:36,825 --> 01:02:39,725 I'm just a man standing here, the ship sank there! 1238 01:02:39,727 --> 01:02:42,328 Don't look at me, I'm standing here all day taking care of my own business, the boat sank there. 1239 01:02:42,330 --> 01:02:44,897 1240 01:02:44,899 --> 01:02:47,234 Someone help those people! Ahh! 1241 01:02:47,236 --> 01:02:49,236 Who wears this uniform for me? 1242 01:02:49,238 --> 01:02:50,603 This is not my uniform! 1243 01:02:50,605 --> 01:02:53,676 I overslept, a man put a hat on my head... " 1244 01:02:57,447 --> 01:03:00,250 We are almost there, sir. I am very happy for you. 1245 01:03:02,184 --> 01:03:03,487 I think of me too, now. 1246 01:03:05,255 --> 01:03:06,523 Thank you, Jerry. 1247 01:03:08,291 --> 01:03:09,493 Respecting it. At home, sir. Life is a series of moments. 1248 01:03:12,427 --> 01:03:13,663 And hopefully we will meet again. 1249 01:03:18,201 --> 01:03:21,106 We may not, but if we do, 1250 01:03:21,437 --> 01:03:23,805 then that will happen friendship sign. 1251 01:03:23,807 --> 01:03:25,276 And... another moment. 1252 01:03:25,542 --> 01:03:28,546 You are very philosophical, there, Jerry. But... do you know what? 1253 01:03:29,212 --> 01:03:31,415 If I see you again, it will... 1254 01:03:32,515 --> 01:03:34,482 my honor and my pleasure to call you my friend. 1255 01:03:34,484 --> 01:03:36,287 You see? I'm grateful. 1256 01:03:37,321 --> 01:03:39,424 1257 01:03:40,557 --> 01:03:43,560 1258 01:03:45,963 --> 01:03:48,299 1259 01:03:49,900 --> 01:03:54,436 You know Jerry, ironically, I'm thankful. 1260 01:03:54,438 --> 01:03:57,342 And I always are ungrateful. 1261 01:03:57,576 --> 01:03:59,545 And I just realized something... 1262 01:04:00,811 --> 01:04:02,348 That I am very grateful for many great things in my life 1263 01:04:03,315 --> 01:04:05,315 to many great people. 1264 01:04:05,317 --> 01:04:06,719 Thank you for that, Jerry. 1265 01:04:07,953 --> 01:04:09,555 There are no fees, sir. 1266 01:04:10,856 --> 01:04:12,325 Free. 1267 01:04:13,725 --> 01:04:14,760 We're friends now. 1268 01:04:29,941 --> 01:04:31,741 You need sugar. 1269 01:04:31,743 --> 01:04:32,643 Give me a hug of luck! 1270 01:04:32,645 --> 01:04:35,315 Fuck, are you waiting there? 1271 01:05:09,684 --> 01:05:11,917 What's wrong with you? I thought you were dead! 1272 01:05:11,919 --> 01:05:13,885 - What do you mean, "die"? - That you did not come. 1273 01:05:13,887 --> 01:05:15,988 I told you. 1274 01:05:15,990 --> 01:05:17,490 I know. Wait, listen, You will be last. 1275 01:05:17,492 --> 01:05:19,524 I don't want to go last, that's a lot of pressure. 1276 01:05:19,526 --> 01:05:21,661 I know, but this is the best place. 1277 01:05:21,663 --> 01:05:22,962 1278 01:05:22,964 --> 01:05:25,801 You will be phenomenal. You will be last. 1279 01:05:26,701 --> 01:05:28,734 - That's Joseph Rogers. - Yes, no... 1280 01:05:28,736 --> 01:05:31,404 - Let me ask him. - Look, Simon, Simon... 1281 01:05:31,406 --> 01:05:33,609 Excuse me, Joseph? 1282 01:05:34,810 --> 01:05:35,745 Mr. Rogers. 1283 01:05:39,681 --> 01:05:42,551 Mr. Rogers, can I ask you a question ? Please? 1284 01:05:43,752 --> 01:05:45,555 What? 1285 01:05:45,921 --> 01:05:47,322 You have written a column 1286 01:05:47,324 --> 01:05:48,691 for a long time like I did this, 1287 01:05:49,092 --> 01:05:51,829 why haven't you written is there anything about me? 1288 01:05:52,695 --> 01:05:54,898 Because I only write about comedians. 1289 01:06:03,572 --> 01:06:06,106 I got some beauty tips for girls. 1290 01:06:06,108 --> 01:06:08,710 Listen, instead of getting Botox on your forehead like all pinup gals do, 1291 01:06:08,712 --> 01:06:10,678 um, I recommend bangs. 1292 01:06:10,680 --> 01:06:12,881 Much cheaper and far less painful. 1293 01:06:14,451 --> 01:06:16,854 - Do you know me? - I know who you are. 1294 01:06:20,691 --> 01:06:22,826 1295 01:06:23,026 --> 01:06:24,859 That means a lot to me. Thank you, appreciate it. 1296 01:06:24,861 --> 01:06:27,129 Don't worry about that now. You have a great show tonight. 1297 01:06:27,131 --> 01:06:28,129 Thank you, Mr. Marino. 1298 01:06:28,131 --> 01:06:29,834 - Kill them. - Thank you. 1299 01:06:35,139 --> 01:06:37,139 I'm not a sock, I'm not anyone's doll, 1300 01:06:37,141 --> 01:06:38,508 You don't either. 1301 01:06:41,146 --> 01:06:42,615 Thank you! 1302 01:06:42,947 --> 01:06:45,949 Aww! My time is up! 1303 01:06:45,951 --> 01:06:48,353 Surrender to Julie McCollough, everyone! 1304 01:06:48,619 --> 01:06:51,757 Thank you very much! Thank you for picking me up! 1305 01:06:53,057 --> 01:06:55,527 Thank you very much for women and men. 1306 01:06:56,495 --> 01:06:58,497 Good night. 1307 01:06:59,631 --> 01:07:01,500 Give it to him! 1308 01:07:02,868 --> 01:07:05,571 - How big a crowd! - I love you! 1309 01:07:06,872 --> 01:07:10,443 Enjoy. Thank you. Thank you, thank you very much. 1310 01:07:10,642 --> 01:07:12,678 Thank you very much, sleeping soundly. 1311 01:07:17,649 --> 01:07:18,984 Women and men, 1312 01:07:19,484 --> 01:07:20,786 this man, once he retired 1313 01:07:20,788 --> 01:07:22,454 from quarterbacking Miami Dolphins 1314 01:07:22,456 --> 01:07:23,822 decided to become a comedian, 1315 01:07:23,824 --> 01:07:27,057 please welcome very much, is very funny Mike Marino! 1316 01:07:29,195 --> 01:07:31,431 Come on, guys, make a sound! 1317 01:07:33,199 --> 01:07:34,501 Let's go! 1318 01:07:39,505 --> 01:07:40,875 Thank you, appreciate it. 1319 01:07:41,474 --> 01:07:42,706 Hi everyone, once again 1320 01:07:42,708 --> 01:07:44,074 for all of these great entertainers. 1321 01:07:44,076 --> 01:07:45,611 Come on, aren't they fantastic? 1322 01:07:49,082 --> 01:07:51,017 Thank you very much for letting me come. 1323 01:07:51,019 --> 01:07:53,618 Fantastic, I am very happy to be here. 1324 01:07:53,620 --> 01:07:55,086 My name is Mike Marino, I'm Italian, 1325 01:07:55,088 --> 01:07:58,457 I am from a small place in Italy called New Jersey. 1326 01:08:00,627 --> 01:08:02,028 Yes, make sure you laugh at what I say, 1327 01:08:02,030 --> 01:08:04,966 I'm not even a comedian, this is community service. 1328 01:08:06,667 --> 01:08:07,899 I like being Italian. 1329 01:08:07,901 --> 01:08:09,503 Growing up, a lot people never believed 1330 01:08:09,505 --> 01:08:10,904 I came from an Italian family 1331 01:08:10,906 --> 01:08:13,005 Because I have light skin and have blue eyes. 1332 01:08:13,007 --> 01:08:15,074 Tells you people in this room now, Italy is full of blood, 1333 01:08:15,076 --> 01:08:17,913 my parents were born in Italy. And I can prove it. 1334 01:08:20,716 --> 01:08:22,715 I am 55 years old, 1335 01:08:22,717 --> 01:08:24,718 and I still live at home with my ma. 1336 01:08:31,659 --> 01:08:33,862 Don't worry about that, I see it on your face. 1337 01:08:33,864 --> 01:08:36,734 You will have a good set, Don't worry about that. 1338 01:08:37,100 --> 01:08:38,232 - OK? - Thank you. 1339 01:08:40,770 --> 01:08:42,606 Catch them! Good luck! 1340 01:08:46,609 --> 01:08:48,009 We think we need to be involved Italian 1341 01:08:48,011 --> 01:08:49,743 in more things in this world, we won't have it 1342 01:08:49,745 --> 01:08:51,545 half the problem we have, right? 1343 01:08:51,547 --> 01:08:53,014 - Yes! - Think about that. 1344 01:08:53,016 --> 01:08:55,517 I don't like what the president is doing in the US 1345 01:08:55,519 --> 01:08:56,885 We need something good, _ President of Italy 1346 01:08:56,887 --> 01:08:58,621 from New Jersey to take over. 1347 01:08:58,623 --> 01:09:00,826 - Yes! - I will be a great president. 1348 01:09:01,558 --> 01:09:02,891 I ran for one and a half years, 1349 01:09:02,893 --> 01:09:04,894 I should be there, I will be perfect. 1350 01:09:04,896 --> 01:09:07,966 "Make American Italian Again," That's the slogan. 1351 01:09:10,668 --> 01:09:11,937 That's right. 1352 01:09:12,637 --> 01:09:13,969 I have great ideas. 1353 01:09:13,971 --> 01:09:15,738 I don't even need four years. 1354 01:09:15,740 --> 01:09:17,072 Three months, straighten throughout the country. 1355 01:09:17,074 --> 01:09:18,640 Finish, perfect. 1356 01:09:18,642 --> 01:09:20,041 They will ask me a question, 1357 01:09:20,043 --> 01:09:22,645 like how I ended the war abroad. 1358 01:09:22,647 --> 01:09:24,280 "Hey, Mr. President, you are careful 1359 01:09:24,282 --> 01:09:27,249 the problem is in North Korea, can you tell us what you did?" 1360 01:09:27,251 --> 01:09:28,918 I will be on national television dress up in a three-piece suit, 1361 01:09:28,920 --> 01:09:30,319 1362 01:09:30,321 --> 01:09:33,023 but I have a Cabinet behind me, Do you know my Cabinet? 1363 01:09:33,025 --> 01:09:35,928 Anthony, Nicky, Joey, Sally, Tony... 1364 01:09:36,928 --> 01:09:38,761 Like, "Mr. President, what happened?" 1365 01:09:38,763 --> 01:09:41,631 I will be like, "Oh, do you mean out there in North Korea, 1366 01:09:41,633 --> 01:09:43,001 with that man and thing? 1367 01:09:44,804 --> 01:09:46,038 Now, this is what happened. We went there to talk to him, and then, uh... 1368 01:09:46,339 --> 01:09:49,676 I don't know what happened. " 1369 01:09:50,577 --> 01:09:51,842 Yes. 1370 01:09:53,679 --> 01:09:54,847 "But he's gone now. 1371 01:09:57,649 --> 01:09:58,785 And it's nothing You can do it." 1372 01:09:59,117 --> 01:10:01,218 I always want to be on television during the debate. 1373 01:10:03,089 --> 01:10:04,888 Because if you remember during the debate, 1374 01:10:04,890 --> 01:10:06,222 they make fun of each other on national television, 1375 01:10:06,224 --> 01:10:08,092 and you don't do that. 1376 01:10:08,094 --> 01:10:09,760 That shows weakness abroad. 1377 01:10:09,762 --> 01:10:11,095 1378 01:10:11,097 --> 01:10:12,763 1379 01:10:12,765 --> 01:10:14,735 Imagine they made fun of a guy like me. 1380 01:10:15,069 --> 01:10:17,235 Then the Master of Ceremony looked at me and said, 1381 01:10:17,237 --> 01:10:19,204 "Mr. Marino, Clinton and Trump are just making fun of you 1382 01:10:19,206 --> 01:10:22,644 on national television. Do you want rebuttal?" 1383 01:10:23,210 --> 01:10:24,645 I will say, "Yes I want! 1384 01:10:25,311 --> 01:10:27,111 Go to the advertisement break." 1385 01:10:29,682 --> 01:10:30,949 Then we come back from rest, 1386 01:10:30,951 --> 01:10:32,818 You can't find it one of them anywhere. 1387 01:10:32,820 --> 01:10:34,252 Ooh! 1388 01:10:34,254 --> 01:10:35,921 Then they looked at me and left, "What happened?" 1389 01:10:35,923 --> 01:10:38,157 I am like, "Ah... I don't know what happened." 1390 01:10:43,198 --> 01:10:44,831 "But they have left now, 1391 01:10:44,833 --> 01:10:46,902 and there is nothing You can do it." 1392 01:10:49,738 --> 01:10:50,873 Come on, everybody. 1393 01:10:56,145 --> 01:10:58,147 It's okay. 1394 01:10:58,947 --> 01:10:59,915 It's okay. 1395 01:11:00,916 --> 01:11:02,352 We know what you want to be a comedian. 1396 01:11:03,285 --> 01:11:05,155 And you are talented. You're funny. 1397 01:11:05,754 --> 01:11:09,088 You are a funny guy, You will be performing tonight. 1398 01:11:09,090 --> 01:11:11,760 You are a very funny man. I know it! 1399 01:11:14,163 --> 01:11:17,698 Friends, I actually just returned from doing a USO comedy tour. 1400 01:11:17,700 --> 01:11:20,200 I go to Afghanistan, Baghdad, Kuwait. 1401 01:11:20,202 --> 01:11:22,106 I went to entertain forces. 1402 01:11:22,438 --> 01:11:23,773 Right? 1403 01:11:25,741 --> 01:11:26,975 Now, if you remember, 1404 01:11:26,977 --> 01:11:28,877 when we first went out fighting out there, 1405 01:11:28,879 --> 01:11:30,211 France doesn't want to help America. 1406 01:11:30,213 --> 01:11:31,215 Do you remember that? 1407 01:11:31,447 --> 01:11:33,181 France doesn't want to help America. 1408 01:11:33,183 --> 01:11:35,850 So I tell the troops if I run the country 1409 01:11:35,852 --> 01:11:37,785 and France doesn't want to help America, 1410 01:11:37,787 --> 01:11:40,055 I will cut off his head Liberti statue 1411 01:11:40,057 --> 01:11:42,193 and send it back to France as a warning. 1412 01:11:44,996 --> 01:11:47,096 People, don't make me describe a picture for you. 1413 01:11:47,098 --> 01:11:48,798 Imagine the French ambassador 1414 01:11:48,800 --> 01:11:50,331 see the head Statue of Liberty 1415 01:11:50,333 --> 01:11:52,170 come float back on the boat. 1416 01:11:53,136 --> 01:11:54,937 Ok, but there are no body parts, 1417 01:11:54,939 --> 01:11:57,740 just head all screwed with ice in the eyes. 1418 01:11:59,210 --> 01:12:00,809 It sends a message. 1419 01:12:00,811 --> 01:12:02,178 Oh! 1420 01:12:02,180 --> 01:12:04,013 Come on, do you want to talk about discrimination? 1421 01:12:04,015 --> 01:12:06,348 Whenever an Italian is present on television or film, 1422 01:12:06,350 --> 01:12:07,819 what do they make us play? 1423 01:12:08,087 --> 01:12:09,452 - Mob. - Mafia, right? 1424 01:12:09,454 --> 01:12:11,388 That's discrimination against Italians. 1425 01:12:11,390 --> 01:12:14,291 And all I want to play is the mafia boss in the mafia film 1426 01:12:14,293 --> 01:12:16,826 and I've been in two of them, and in both 1427 01:12:16,828 --> 01:12:18,961 I am an Irish police officer in the first 60 seconds. 1428 01:12:18,963 --> 01:12:20,296 Get Italians on some better programs. 1429 01:12:23,935 --> 01:12:25,501 You know, more types of education 1430 01:12:25,503 --> 01:12:27,269 for children. 1431 01:12:27,271 --> 01:12:28,240 1432 01:12:29,240 --> 01:12:30,307 - Yes - Yes 1433 01:12:30,309 --> 01:12:32,009 Do you remember the movie Sixth sense? 1434 01:12:32,011 --> 01:12:33,443 - Yes! - Yes! 1435 01:12:33,445 --> 01:12:35,378 That would be a good place for an Italian actor. 1436 01:12:35,380 --> 01:12:38,185 Because of that the little boy is already considered a rat. 1437 01:12:40,853 --> 01:12:43,153 Think about that, he will leave, "I see dead people!" 1438 01:12:43,155 --> 01:12:44,522 Guy woulda said, "Shut your mouth. 1439 01:12:44,524 --> 01:12:45,890 You don't see anyone. 1440 01:12:46,993 --> 01:12:48,262 We buried them well. 1441 01:12:49,128 --> 01:12:51,128 The next dead person you will see will be you. 1442 01:12:51,130 --> 01:12:52,497 Now go find yourself. " 1443 01:12:52,499 --> 01:12:53,734 Ohh! 1444 01:12:55,134 --> 01:12:58,870 And of course you people know most of the craziest experiments out of California. Isn't that right, friend? 1445 01:12:58,872 --> 01:13:00,972 You see the trial coming out of California: 1446 01:13:00,974 --> 01:13:03,141 O.J. Simpson, Laci Peterson, Robert Blake... 1447 01:13:03,143 --> 01:13:06,278 1448 01:13:06,280 --> 01:13:08,012 In fact the whole trial is Michael Jackson for me like shows in California. 1449 01:13:08,014 --> 01:13:09,950 Because I always say people there 1450 01:13:10,151 --> 01:13:11,917 if they ever kill anyone from New York or New Jersey, 1451 01:13:11,919 --> 01:13:13,519 that bullshit never will get to court. 1452 01:13:13,521 --> 01:13:16,124 Ooh! 1453 01:13:16,322 --> 01:13:18,090 Come on, don't make me paint pictures for you here. 1454 01:13:18,092 --> 01:13:20,028 Imagine if O.J. Simpson was killed someone from an Italian family. 1455 01:13:20,862 --> 01:13:24,734 The judge will ask one-time family, 1456 01:13:25,065 --> 01:13:27,267 "Does the family want to file a claim?" 1457 01:13:27,269 --> 01:13:30,473 The family woulda go, "Ha ha ha... 1458 01:13:31,005 --> 01:13:33,007 No. 1459 01:13:34,341 --> 01:13:35,310 Let him go." 1460 01:13:36,278 --> 01:13:37,446 Yes, "We forgive him. 1461 01:13:38,046 --> 01:13:39,749 Better yet, judge, We will take him home from here. 1462 01:13:40,549 --> 01:13:43,951 Vinny! Get the bat, O.J. will come." 1463 01:13:45,887 --> 01:13:49,258 1464 01:13:49,992 --> 01:13:51,925 That's my time, you have become a big crowd. 1465 01:13:51,927 --> 01:13:53,160 I'm Mike Marino. 1466 01:13:53,162 --> 01:13:54,765 Thank you very much, friends. 1467 01:13:55,131 --> 01:13:56,897 - Thank you friend. - Appreciate that. 1468 01:13:56,899 --> 01:13:58,301 Mike Marino, everyone! 1469 01:14:04,006 --> 01:14:05,342 Mike Marino! 1470 01:14:07,909 --> 01:14:09,310 Mike Marino, women and men. 1471 01:14:09,312 --> 01:14:11,846 The man goes to various places. Is he funny or what? 1472 01:14:11,848 --> 01:14:12,984 Yes! 1473 01:14:14,951 --> 01:14:16,220 Alright, now... 1474 01:14:17,454 --> 01:14:20,224 Now I have to tell you this last guest 1475 01:14:21,158 --> 01:14:23,058 warms my heart, that I have a chance 1476 01:14:23,060 --> 01:14:25,126 to be on this stage in my own place 1477 01:14:25,128 --> 01:14:26,497 and do this introduction. 1478 01:14:27,097 --> 01:14:30,232 Women and men, in their Basement debut, 1479 01:14:30,234 --> 01:14:33,435 my personal friend Simon McCabe. 1480 01:14:33,437 --> 01:14:34,569 Give that to Simon! 1481 01:14:41,478 --> 01:14:42,914 Simon! 1482 01:14:54,558 --> 01:14:56,927 Thank you very much, You are very kind. 1483 01:14:56,929 --> 01:14:59,495 So, ladies and gentlemen, if you win the lottery, 1484 01:14:59,497 --> 01:15:00,931 or you make a lot of money, 1485 01:15:00,933 --> 01:15:02,531 what's the first you gonna do? 1486 01:15:02,533 --> 01:15:04,002 You will buy a car. 1487 01:15:05,136 --> 01:15:06,973 A good car if you are a man, right? 1488 01:15:07,305 --> 01:15:09,373 So this penguin won a million dollars... 1489 01:15:11,943 --> 01:15:14,912 ... and he bought 2018 brand new Camaro. 1490 01:15:14,914 --> 01:15:16,646 Beautiful, very beautiful. 1491 01:15:16,648 --> 01:15:18,080 He likes this car. 1492 01:15:18,082 --> 01:15:19,382 So he drives on the highway, 1493 01:15:19,384 --> 01:15:21,619 and he heard a knock on the machine. 1494 01:15:21,621 --> 01:15:23,290 Around 11:55 in the morning 1495 01:15:23,622 --> 01:15:27,458 So he goes to the GM dealer, which is directly from the highway. 1496 01:15:27,460 --> 01:15:29,262 And he went, "Listen... 1497 01:15:34,134 --> 01:15:35,666 ... there's a knock on the fucking machine. I like this car. I like it, it's my first serious car." 1498 01:15:35,668 --> 01:15:39,003 So the service advisor says, 1499 01:15:39,005 --> 01:15:41,004 "Look, it's 11:55, this is a union shop, 1500 01:15:41,006 --> 01:15:42,942 everyone goes to lunch twelve o'clock. 1501 01:15:43,243 --> 01:15:44,943 1502 01:15:44,945 --> 01:15:46,946 There is a Dairy Queen on the opposite side of the road, go there. 1503 01:15:46,948 --> 01:15:50,151 Get your own ice cream. After lunch we will see it. " 1504 01:15:50,551 --> 01:15:51,887 Penguins say," Okay. " 1505 01:15:53,553 --> 01:15:55,554 Passing, one o'clock he shuffles again, 1506 01:15:55,556 --> 01:15:58,260 he has this triple-decker vanilla ice cream. 1507 01:15:59,459 --> 01:16:00,494 Go to that guy, 1508 01:16:01,462 --> 01:16:03,261 " You got the chance to see my car? " 1509 01:16:03,263 --> 01:16:05,030 Goes," Yes, it looks like you blew a seal. " 1510 01:16:05,032 --> 01:16:07,435 He left," Fuck you! Everything I did licking ice cream. " 1511 01:16:10,605 --> 01:16:12,208 Thank you. You are very good. Become a friend of mine... 1512 01:16:19,047 --> 01:16:21,180 Everyone is a dog? You like dogs? 1513 01:16:21,182 --> 01:16:22,716 - Yes! - Yes. 1514 01:16:22,718 --> 01:16:24,186 You can know a lot about a human 1515 01:16:24,453 --> 01:16:26,185 if they are male dogs. 1516 01:16:26,187 --> 01:16:27,420 But some people carry over, 1517 01:16:27,422 --> 01:16:29,021 1518 01:16:29,023 --> 01:16:30,390 everyone thinks Their dog is the smartest. 1519 01:16:30,392 --> 01:16:31,757 They post it on Facebook... 1520 01:16:31,759 --> 01:16:33,461 But this guy brought his dog everywhere. 1521 01:16:33,463 --> 01:16:35,096 So he is in the bar and his friend is gone, 1522 01:16:35,098 --> 01:16:36,529 "You know, that's a little weird 1523 01:16:36,531 --> 01:16:38,099 You go everywhere with your dog." 1524 01:16:38,101 --> 01:16:40,570 He left, "My dog is a fucking genius. 1525 01:16:41,004 --> 01:16:42,569 My dog can do anything." 1526 01:16:42,571 --> 01:16:44,672 The man said, "Really?" Guy goes, "Look at this. Rover, come here. Get me a gin and tonic." 1527 01:16:44,674 --> 01:16:46,207 "Good." The dog goes to the bar... 1528 01:16:46,209 --> 01:16:48,211 He left, "What do you drink?" 1529 01:16:52,781 --> 01:16:54,347 "Very dry martinis, dirty, with one olive." 1530 01:16:54,349 --> 01:16:56,450 "Rover, dry martini, dirty with one olive." 1531 01:16:56,452 --> 01:16:59,588 "Good." 1532 01:16:59,590 --> 01:17:00,688 So, the man said, "Big fuck. Your dog knows how to make drinks." 1533 01:17:05,662 --> 01:17:08,629 1534 01:17:08,631 --> 01:17:10,565 He said, "My dog is a genius, . He can do anything." 1535 01:17:10,567 --> 01:17:12,034 He left, "Let's test him. 1536 01:17:12,036 --> 01:17:13,270 I will give him 20 dollars, 1537 01:17:13,470 --> 01:17:16,574 tell him to get me Marlborough small. Regular. And bring me back change right." 1538 01:17:17,306 --> 01:17:20,244 "Rover, 20 dollars, 1539 01:17:20,444 --> 01:17:22,014 Marlborough is small, organized. 1540 01:17:22,413 --> 01:17:24,546 Bring back the changes." 1541 01:17:24,548 --> 01:17:25,781 "Good". Leaves dog. 1542 01:17:25,783 --> 01:17:27,385 Fifteen minutes, twenty minutes passed, 1543 01:17:28,653 --> 01:17:30,585 man goes, "Do you know what? Your dog is fucked, 1544 01:17:30,587 --> 01:17:33,321 he's stupid, he's just a dog, and I lost 20 dollars." 1545 01:17:33,323 --> 01:17:35,791 He left, "Impossible. Something's wrong. 1546 01:17:35,793 --> 01:17:37,692 My dog won't do this." 1547 01:17:37,694 --> 01:17:39,295 So they went looking for it all over the place. 1548 01:17:39,297 --> 01:17:41,063 Finally arrived at the park... 1549 01:17:41,065 --> 01:17:42,464 1550 01:17:42,466 --> 01:17:44,367 "Rover, Rover!" They see and there is a Rover banging hell from this French poodle. 1551 01:17:44,369 --> 01:17:46,569 So, the man touches it behind, 1552 01:17:48,106 --> 01:17:49,473 "Rover, you never did it this before." 1553 01:17:49,475 --> 01:17:51,140 "I have never had money." 1554 01:17:51,142 --> 01:17:52,511 Thank you. 1555 01:17:54,146 --> 01:17:55,315 Simon McCabe! 1556 01:18:00,485 --> 01:18:02,187 I just sold my first car 1557 01:19:55,438 --> 01:19:56,805 and I'm really dirty urinating from this person. 1558 01:19:56,807 --> 01:19:58,707 And cut. Keep rolling. 1559 01:19:58,709 --> 01:19:59,808 Do it again. 1560 01:19:59,810 --> 01:20:00,809 -You are angry... 1561 01:20:00,811 --> 01:20:01,976 - I'm very angry directly from him. 1562 01:20:01,978 --> 01:20:03,912 - Do you understand? - Can you do something else? 1563 01:20:03,914 --> 01:20:05,814 No. 1564 01:20:05,816 --> 01:20:07,082 I don't believe that nonsense. You must make rights here. 1565 01:20:07,084 --> 01:20:09,452 Yes, but this goes north. I want to go south. 1566 01:20:09,454 --> 01:20:11,654 Yes, so we can't go south this way, 1567 01:20:11,656 --> 01:20:13,388 1568 01:20:13,390 --> 01:20:14,423 I'm screwed up. 1569 01:20:14,425 --> 01:20:16,458 Why do we talk? 1570 01:20:16,460 --> 01:20:17,695 What happened here? 1571 01:20:18,429 --> 01:20:20,696 What happened here? Don't you say "action"? 1572 01:20:20,698 --> 01:20:21,897 Yes. 1573 01:20:21,899 --> 01:20:23,399 Keep the damn thing over there, brother. 1574 01:20:23,401 --> 01:20:24,833 I love you. I don't want... 1575 01:20:24,835 --> 01:20:26,535 This is not a Canadian film where we will be eliminated with a damn explosion. 1576 01:20:26,537 --> 01:20:28,303 I haven't slept, friends. 1577 01:20:28,305 --> 01:20:30,306 How can I work without sleeping, friend? 1578 01:20:30,308 --> 01:20:31,642 Who can remember all this? 1579 01:20:31,644 --> 01:20:33,310 Action! Actions. 1580 01:20:33,312 --> 01:20:34,848 Start again. 1581 01:20:35,348 --> 01:20:36,480 Do it again, do it again. Wait a minute. 1582 01:20:36,482 --> 01:20:37,748 - I want it to be liquid, ok? - Well. 1583 01:20:37,750 --> 01:20:40,017 Actions. 1584 01:20:40,019 --> 01:20:41,317 See this here? 1585 01:20:41,319 --> 01:20:42,555 You know I love you, right? 1586 01:20:42,854 --> 01:20:44,454 But every time you do this, it becomes lower and lower. 1587 01:20:44,456 --> 01:20:46,522 1588 01:20:46,524 --> 01:20:48,258 Are you trying to kill me? 1589 01:20:48,260 --> 01:20:49,862 Your favorite wine, Simon? 1590 01:20:50,263 --> 01:20:51,495 Please. 1591 01:20:51,497 --> 01:20:52,896 Damn it. Do it again. 1592 01:20:52,898 --> 01:20:54,831 I will not see it, but he will see it. 1593 01:20:56,336 --> 01:20:58,372 I need a menu, and I need two more. 1594 01:20:59,472 --> 01:21:02,339 Get out of my shot, people. 1595 01:21:02,341 --> 01:21:04,511 Hey Ed, I can hear you. 1596 01:21:05,345 --> 01:21:06,777 Ed, I can hear you. 1597 01:21:06,779 --> 01:21:07,881 What happened, bro? 1598 01:21:08,382 --> 01:21:10,618 Sun my tanning ball. 1599 01:21:13,353 --> 01:21:15,288 The world they live in.