This is Dave.
He tells dirty jokes to make a living.
That look is the most place from the hard work that happened.
This signifies a deep thought,
the fire of the alchemist that changes fear and tragedy
become levity and livelihood.
Dave calls it "trance".
Thank you! Thank you very much!
Thank you all.
Oh wow.
That's interesting, right?
Thank you, friend. Have a seat, feel comfortable, relax.
I want to thank everyone in LA for a wonderful week
It's been great here.
Do you know what? It's been ten years Since the last time I played in Los Angeles,
if you can imagine
I know! I know, I have gone for a very long time
And without your knowledge, is ten difficult years.
I will not take you through all the suffering that I have experienced,
but it's difficult
Some of them you might see.
I don't know if you've seen TMZ big title:
"Drunk Dave Chappelle on stage in Detroit."
Well, if you see it, I'm not drunk.
I have smoked some reefer...
with some rapper.
Yes. I don't know if you know anything about hanging out with a rapper,
but their weeds are very strong,
stronger than what I usually experience.
The article continues to say that I was ridiculed offstage,
which is also wrong
I am mocked
I'm not leaving.
It's a long bomb.
That was a nightmare. Two gusts of weeds, that's all.
Two gusts.
I never experienced that, where I took two puffs of weeds,
I looked at the man beside me, I was like, "I'll bomb, nigga.
I can feel it."
And that person called my name.
"Dave Chappelle!"
Niggas like...
Usually, when you do comedy shows...
you don't know what it looks like here,
but the niggas only looks up to you like...
That's how the program starts.
It doesn't take long for their faces to change like, "What the hell?"
They began to search among themselves.
So I know I'm not doing good. I don't remember what I said.
It only takes one person to break the ice.
That is a black woman with a Ford Motor shirt on.
Stand up suddenly. "Fuck, Dave Chappelle!"
I said, "Excuse me?"
He said, "I work all week. For this nonsense, and this program sucks!"
And in strange racial harmony,
a conservative white man stands and supports him.
"Yes!"
The whole crowd united and started singing,
"We want our money back! We want our money back!"
I said, "Oh, shit." I flinched from it.
"Good people in Detroit, listen to me. Listen to me now.
You will never be able to your fucking money back."
Fuck it
I said, "I am like Evel Knievel. I was paid for the effort.
I did not promise this nonsense would be good."
"Boo!" They say, "Fuck it!"
This lasts a long time. And then, after the show, I feel very bad,
I take half of the money from the show... thousands of dollars...
I said, "I will give this to charity." Do you know what I did?
I bought $ 25,000 of gum
and drove around Detroit and handed it to the homeless so they can chew it and still hungry.
I was very angry in Detroit that night.
Because I'm not just a bomb,
I have to go back to the same room the next night and do it again.
A annoying nightmare It will be like If you have sex with a woman
and, for some reason... this will never happen...
but for some reason, He has a mouse trap in his vagina.
You are caught in a trap.
And then you have to fuck her again tomorrow night.
I will still do it, but I will be careful next time.
Old mousetrap-in-the-pussy tricks, eh?
I'm so stupid.
Yes. Yes, this is a difficult time. And I want to give up sometimes.
I almost gave up, But then, right before I gave up,
I decided not to do it.
But I called. They answer the phone.
"Hello, Dancing with Stars."
I said, "Not yet. Not yet."
Yes.
If you see me in that crap, it's over. Trust me. My spirit is broken If you see me waiting for them to judge...
criticized on my cha-cha, fuck it
I've been hanging out in... I haven't worked in LA,
But I'm out here and hanging out and bad luck.
I was here a few weeks ago. I was almost arrested.
I'm not bullshit. This happens to many black people.
What happens is...
I'm out of one from a Hollywood nightclub
and my friend saw me I think I'm rocking or something.
So, he just went out of business. She's my best friend.
She's like, "Hey, Dave, give me the key."
I'm like, "Okay, okay, just take the key."
And I arrived at the passenger side from my car, and he drove it.
That's fine. Just talking, cutting it off.
And then, on the 10th, blue-and-white hits us.
Now, I have to tell you, The friend who escorted me was black,
which really has nothing to do with the story
other than telling you There is fear in the car.
Not my fear. I'm black,
But I'm also Dave Chappelle.
So, I think, you know, Damn it might be okay.
Traffic stops starting on the right foot
Police approach the driver's side. "Hi, what are you doing tonight?"
And he immediately recognized me. "Oh, Dave Chappelle."
And I saw my friend like, "We're out of this nonsense."
And then he said, "You're writhing on a small road. Do you mind just stepping out of the car for a while?"
There is still no reason to be alert. I look in the rearview mirror.
Arrest body language looks good
Just talking.
So, I started making love to the radio.
You know the traffic stop is going well if you are listening to the radio
When there are other people outside the car.
But then, when I looked back in the rearview mirror,
something has gone terribly wrong The bastard returned there like...
And the next thing I know, is that right stuffing him behind the car,
and I think what people think in such situations:
"My God. What will happen to me?"
And the police walk to the window.
"Mr. Chappelle, we have to catch your friend
He refused to take our breathalyzer test. "
I said," That bastard.
Not obeying That's weird.
So, officer, what will happen to me? "
" You're fine, we just need to ask you to get out of the car so we can confiscate vehicles,
and we will arrange you to go home. "
I said," Oh, well, no. I prefer you to give me the key. "
He said," Mr. Chappelle, your friend has told us
he is your designated driver We cannot let you drive in this condition. "
I'm like, "No, okay, I'm good."
Then suddenly, shit turned into Vegas.
She's like...
"I will let you blow it for that."
I said, "Excuse me?"
He said, "If you blow my breathalyzer..."
I said, "Oh, yeah, I thought . You tried to get your penis sucked.
What...
Wow!
Wow!"
"If you blow a breathalyzer and pass, I will give you the keys to the car."
I said, "Uh...
set them up, okay. Let's play."
And I blew that thing.
And it makes a scene. "Sounds!" I said, "Uh-oh."
And he saw it. He said, "Oh well, Mr. Chappelle,
I think you're free to go."
I said, "Me?"
I don't know that doesn't take weeds
I returned home on 10 30 miles per hour.
Yes, everything works.
Everything works.
I'm one of the lucky ones. No works well for everyone.
I saw footage of the woman being beaten in LA traffic.
Do you see that crap in rush hour traffic?
They hit the butt of a black woman. This woman doesn't even make mistakes.
This is chaotic. It's very chaotic, Don't even go to court.
City of L.A. only gave the woman $ 1.5 million for her pain and suffering.
That's not bad,
considering the amount is equal to money made by Marcos Maidana
to fight Floyd Mayweather the second time.
And this woman is clearly not trained the day in her life
You can see it on the tape. He doesn't participate in fighting.
His bodyguard is low. He took a lot of shots.
Everyone is angry with the police now. I saw that...
You saw that crap on Netflix, Made a murderer?
Steven Avery's story.
If you haven't seen it yet, check it out.
Steven Avery is in more trouble than white people
in the history of the United States has already been entered
In the justice system designed for him to develop,
he failed miserably twice
I can't even wrap my mind around it.
If Making a Killer about a black man,
that shit will be called Duh!
Of course everything will be wrong.
It seems like he did it, alright. The bastard even has $ 200,000
for legal defense.
That will make you go in Wisconsin. It's like OJ money.
What he needs to go down which he doesn't have
is a single black jury.
Only that is needed.
Because only black people in the United States
can see 11 other dudes and be like, "I think the police are doing this nonsense."
He's messed up in the game.
That's how OJ went down.
I have watched the new OJ program. I can't get enough of that crap.
Doesn't that bring back good memories?
But I forgot how to polarize The OJ case.
And you know, I've met OJ Simpson on four different occasions in my life.
And before the end of the show,
I will tell you about each from that opportunity
The first time I met OJ Simpson, I was in Santa Monica.
- Santa Monica! - yes!
I can't believe that black man is like, "Santa Monica!"
You are the last number I expected to say that
Let me see your shoes. Do you have a few Vans? What did you get?
"Santa Monica!"
you?
I was 18 years old at the time. I have done the show,
and the guy from the club came and like, "Hey, OJ Simpson is here,
and he said he wanted to meet you."
I said, "What? Fuck it!" I ran down the stairs,
and OJ is there. He is like, "Hey, young man how are you?
Nice to meet you And you do a really good job,
and I hope good things happen for you in your life."
I'm like, "Man, thank you, Mr. Juice."
Standing next to it, is...
I don't know a good way to say this...
his wife will soon be fired.
Ladies and gentlemen, man fuck up,
or you will not succeed until the end of this event
Only humans stumble.
He died. We already know what happened.
We don't know who did it, But we know what happened.
I have to tell you, The woman is very nice to me.
He really hugged me.
He said, "I think you are adorable," and he hugged me
He said, "Good luck," and he held me for a long time.
And I whispered in his ear, "Bitch, Are you trying to get us both killed?"
I'm just kidding. I didn't say that, but...
That is the first time, in short.
It's good to see so much... There are so many different people here
It seems you think Bernie Sanders will come out in this bastard
But... surprise!
This is me.
Yes, you know, I'm happy, really, to see black people coming.
Many black people don't love with me like they used to.
I mean, that would be my guess. I don't know what...
Actually, my own action is making slices between me and the community I hold it so dear
A few weeks ago, I should be in Flint, Michigan,
for charity that should be to increase alertness
for terrible conditions from water in Flint.
I don't know if you know this,
but the water in Flint is fucking poisonous This really makes people sick.
Hollywood people like, "So what? At least they have water."
But this water...
This water is chaotic.
So, many black celebrities fly to Flint,
and they do extraordinary charity,
and I am on the schedule to appear.
Uh...
So, the reason many people have never heard of this benefit...
That is the same day as Oscar.
Okay, I know. So, I was on my way to the airport to go to Flint,
and then Chris Rock calls me and like,
"Hey, Dave, I got a ticket for you for Oscar Can you make it?"
And I'm like, "Sure, yeah. I'm on my way to the airport right now."
Come on, man. What will I do about the water?
Am I, shit superhero? I have to have fun. I have to live too!
I didn't screw that water!
Stevie Wonder is there. They don't need me.
I'm sorry, everyone I've never been to an Oscar.
You have seen a movie that I made.
I am very happy. I know I will get into trouble,
because when I was walking on the red carpet,
black press chasing me. "Sorry, brother."
When you hear someone calling you "brother" too much,
something terrible will happen
"Excuse me, brother?"
And I looked back, and the bastard had a tuxedo with a kente cloth tie.
I said, "Uh-oh."
He said, "I just want to ask you a few questions."
I said, "What other publications?"
He said, "Me? I'm with The Daily Bongo."
I said, "Daily Bongo? What is this? Who reads this?"
He said, "Listen, brother, . I just want to ask a short question. You understand that this year, is a boycott for Oscars.
So, I just want to know what made you, from everyone,
crossing the picket line mom and being here tonight. "
I said," Boycott?
Nigga, I haven't worked in ten years.
What do you mean, boycott? I've been on strike.
You niggas don't stop working.
I have to watch Key and Peele do my show every night So, damn Daily Bongo, " is what I said
I went to Oscar and had fun.
I went into that damn green room. It's full of so many stars,
I don't even believe what I saw.
Hollywood seduces me again.
I sit back there. I smoke, drink with stars.
And then two Hollywood film producers came in, right for me "Oh, God, Dave Chappelle," said one leader.
He is obviously gay.
Some people, you can know.
Others look like money people. Maybe he is from Texas or bullshit.
But the gay is definitely the leader because he did all the talking.
And then he hit me with: "So, David, um...
Do you have a movie idea? What do you want to pursue? "
Actually, I'm not. But if you know the game,
You shouldn't tell a bastard You don't have an idea. I'm like," Yeah, man. I have many ideas. "
And he calls my boss. " Really? What is it like? "
" Huh?
Um...
um... "
And then I started making nonsense I thought maybe he wanted to see it.
I said," I have a superhero idea. " He said," Really? "
I went "Yes, he... He is a gay superhero. "
He is like, "Really?!
What is it called?"
"Hah? Oh, this is called... This is called Same Hero, New Boots.
This is about sous gay chef in San Francisco...
that gets a little by radioactive mice on the shift
when he throws out the garbage
and is blessed with strength Out of his wildest dreams,
gay supersonic type.
And he starts saving everyone in San Francisco.
But initially, he just save gay people.
Then, he saved everyone,
and the whole city fell in love with him.
The only problem is, Nobody remembers it when he saved them. "
" Well, I don't understand. Why don't they remember it? "
I said," Because, stupid, he's gay.
He keeps changing his clothes.
People come... "Thank you for saving me, sir.
What's your name? '
He's like,' Same Hero, New Boots! '
And the villain flew away. "
She's like, "I like it very much."
The Texans don't like that crap at all. He is upset.
"That's impossible, a gay superhero."
I said, "What? Well, I have someone else. I have a superhero that you love,
Because he is stronger than Superman and he fights for truth, justice and the American way, like Superman,
but more than Superman.
He defeated Mexicans for no reason. "
Texans like, "You get my attention."
I am like, "Man, this bastard is so strong,
he can fly and do all this nonsense.
Only a problem with this person whether he can't even activate his power
unless he touches...
unless he touches the woman's vagina.
Soon, only a few pats. "
He said," Okay, what's the problem with that?
I said, "The problem, sir, is that our hero is not a handsome man. And he often lacks cash. So, whenever the problem breaks, he has to go around town and convince woman to let her pat their pussy.
'Please, forget! The building is on fire. Can I pat the vagina? Immediately. People are dying!'
But he can't say exactly why.
'Eww! Stay away! You are dirty!
'Please, forget it! People are dying! Just a few pats! '
'Eww! Dirty! Stay away! '
So, he raped her.
I know I know. That is a dilemma for the audience.
Because he raped, but he saved a lot of lives.
And he saved more than raping, and he only raped to save.
But he is rape. "
I didn't realize it, but overall Green room looked at us. All celebrities were disgusted.
" Ohh. "
The person from Texas was like, " This is my card, call me Monday . "
That works.
The second time I met OJ Simpson.
That's right after this century trial
That's me, now a 23 year old young man.
OJ Simpson is the most famous, or famous, face on planet earth.
I was at a restaurant in Beverly Hills with my agent
I'm not alone in a restaurant, but myself.
I'm the only black person in the restaurant.
And in the 90s, which felt very uncomfortable.
Now I tend to enjoy it at this age.
I was having dinner with my agent,
celebrating the agreement that they said was profitable,
But I then learn fucking sucked.
And suddenly, a group of women passed by.
Every race is in that group.
Black, white, Asian, Latina,
white, white...
and white again.
They are all beautiful. I see them passing by.
Then I see my familiar face.
Al Cowlings, man from the famous Bronco chase,
walk with and hug one woman, and they walk towards the door.
Don't believe what I see. And then, close behind,
is OJ Simpson, has just been released from prison The restaurant fell.
I was surprised. I didn't mean to say it out loud, but it just came out.
"OJ!"
He stopped, turned to see who said it,
see my black face and assumed correctly it was me.
I'm sitting in a corner of the booth.
He bowed over all white people I was having dinner together
and shake my hand.
"How are you, young man?"
He looks into my eyes, and I can see in his eyes
that he doesn't remember ever meeting me first time.
And then he walked away.
And I look back at my agent,
and everything is nothing short disgust on their faces And the one with courage to voice their disgust
is a woman named Sharon who usually represents me
"How can you do that?" he says.
"How can you shake hands? with the killer?
I said," Sharon, with all due respect,
the killer ran more than 11,000 yards.
And he was released. So, you know, damn it.
Gloves aren't right.
Get rid of yourself. "
Some people can't do that.
Some people can't handle themselves Gay people have difficulty doing that recently.
We start. This is deep water.
No, recently I noticed.
I saw it with the Manny Pacquiao controversy.
Yes, that... Now, in the defense of the gay community,
Manny Pacquiao says some nonsense about gay people,
Very bad things that I won't repeat,
But there are biblical verses and some analogies with animals.
That's not a good look. Nike immediately took his shoes.
Which I think is rather rude. A little rough, do you know what I mean?
Only because he's Asian. Do you know what I mean?
How will you take the shoes? from an Asian man to calm a gay man?
Do you know what I mean? Not? You don't know what I mean.
But Asians know what I mean. Not? There are no Asians in front? Not?
No, this is what I meant. Listen, you are Asian...
I say this without respect. We are all Americans, right?
And we can agree that America _ has a large number of bodies throughout the world,
but no more than Asia.
Literally, if you look at history, just now,
we have bombed that masculinity from all continents
We dropped two atomic bombs in damn Japan,
and they have been drawing Hello Kitty and bad luck ever since.
There are lots of boys after our bombs
And I know these things because of my Asian wife She's a Filipino.
Okay okay So, that explains it.
Now you know why you see me on all of the Philippine events.
I'm not picking up pussy. I dropped a few off.
I took my wife to all that nonsense.
I brought my wife to see Pacquiao against Mayweather
We sit ringing, okay? That...
Yes, it is a journey home in a quiet car, That's what it is.
But if you know what happened in the Philippines,
You know that they get a whole generation of children in the Philippines grow without their mother Yes.
Many women in the Philippines go to the Arabian Peninsula,
they come to the United States, they make all their money here,
they send all the money home,
which is still one of the number one staples in the Philippine economy...
money sent by expatriates back to the Philippines
People, on the other hand, are allowed to raise children,
twirling their thumbs, waiting for their wife's check
These people have been harassed.
Then suddenly, a boxer rose from between them and restore their maturity with a fist.
This is not the person who should to ask,
"What do you think of homosexuals?"
She's not your hero.
Dirt. That's why I don't have a sneaker agreement,
Because if you say something that people don't like,
they will take off your shoes.
If Martin Luther King has a sneaker agreement, We are still behind the bus.
That's right. The Nike executive will appear...
"Hi, Martin. Uh...
We need you to reduce conversations _ civil rights and blacks become human beings.
This disappoints our Southern distributors."
"But I don't understand. I think that's why I have a sneaker agreement in the first place."
"Not really.
Really, this is walking shoes. And we like to line up, but...
Trying to understand. "
Fuck it bad luck. You know, I understand. I understand why gay people are angry,
and I empathize.
Do you know what? I just said this as a black man. I support your movement. But if you want to take a few suggestions from a Negro, one step yourself. These things take a long time.
Just because they have passed the law does not mean they will like it.
Brown v. Board of Education in 1955
Someone called me a negro in traffic last Wednesday.
It takes a while.
My wife's friend, Stewart, said that to me. My wife has many gay friends.
Stewart is their leader.
He has many gay friends. And I don't like them.
Not because they are gay.
I only judge them on the benefits of their character.
They are just not good dudes. They are rude housemaids.
They sit on my couch, giggle with my wife,
eat my mother's macaroni.
Then I go in, and they act like a party above.
"Hey, Stewart, what happened?"
This person talks to me on the road A cat will talk if a cat can talk.
"Hi, David."
"Stewart, is that all beef, man? What happened..."
He always wants to have a kind of gay political argument.
The last is about a petition in federal court
to take the words "husband and wife" out law.
I said, "Why do you want those words? out of law?"
He said, "Because it discriminates against against same-sex couples."
I'm like, "Niggas, please, save me semantics
Believe me Take your chips and get out of the casino. You will be nonsense! yourself,
and one of you is a gayer, is his wife. "
No no. Stewart doesn't like it.
Stewart educates me about this movement. I don't even know anything about it.
He told me it was called "LBGTQ!"
I'm like, "What is this 'Q'?"
Does that make sense? "Q"?
It turns out "Q" like vowels.
That nonsense is sometimes "Y."
This is for gay dudes. It doesn't really know they're gay.
Like a homosexual who likes, "What? I'm not gay, nigga. I only suck on this penis to pass the time.
I'm not 'G.' I am 'Q.' Ugh. "
I think... Okay, once again, from all the letters,
"T" has the toughest road ahead.
Actually, I think "T" must stand for "A difficult road ahead."
They have the longest mental chasm bridging.
That's all I say.
Because every time I see it from them Ts on the road,
I don't mind them, But I will be like, "Man, I miss Bruce."
I'm sorry, guys
I am 42. I remember Bruce Jenner.
Before the Kardashians, before all that,
This bastard is a white American superhero.
That's amazing. He defeated Africans in the lane and field
We have never seen anything like this.
He was in a cereal box I grew up.
Do you know how much cereal I eat? Nigga, I don't know he will do that.
I know before you know. I heard things on the road in Hollywood.
You just came out, saw people.
"Hey, what's up, Kanye? Why is the face long?"
"Nigga, you will see. I have two mother-in-law now."
And when I hear he will do it, I'm afraid.
I don't think the public is ready. I don't think the media is ready.
And do you know what? I am wrong.
It's not just the public to hug him, But the media is good.
I've never seen anything like this.
"Welcome to the world, Caitlyn. So long, Bruce.
Hello, Caitlyn."
I'm surprised! Did this happen?
Wait a minute. Is this time in American history where an American can make a decision for themselves,
and even though other Americans Don't understand it, they will support it and let this person live happily?
Is this what happened? If yes, then it's good for America.
That's Dave Chappelle, an American.
Although, Dave Chappelle, is black American,
he's a little jealous I'm like, "How are you? are transgender people? defeating black people in the Olympic Games discrimination?"
If the police shoot half of it transgender like they did last year's niggas,
There will be a pesky war in LA.
I know black dudes in Brooklyn... hard street bastards...
Only those who wear high heels feel safe.
Transgender is a gangster.
I used to do business with a transgender in Hollywood.
Man, everyone must be afraid of him in the meeting room.
He will go in there, the newly printed woman, high heels, wallet
Will not say anything to us, just walk around the conference table,
looks bad and bad.
Then he will walk to the head from the conference table, look at us all,
Grab his wallet, pull his old dick and throw it on the table.
"Let's talk business, gentlemen."
"Aaah!"
Damn is scary as a fuck.
If your best friend tells you about it, you will be horrified.
"Yo, nigga, let's go to the hospital
and cut our penis and make the pussies out of them dirt."
"What ?!
Can't we get a matching jacket or a tattoo or something?
Are you sure what you want to do? " " There are only ways to find out, no.
Wu-Tang! Pow! Pow!
Let's go to the club and the niggas trick to fucking us. Yes. "
The third time I met OJ Simpson...
The third time I met OJ Simpson, I did my best in life. I just finished the second season from Chappelle's Show.
Man, it's a good day. I'm playing a comedy club in Miami, Repair
I don't know if you've done it, but if it's already,
You will know the green room door right on on stage
Can you imagine something like that?
If I exit the door from the green room,
bam, I'm here, directly from the locker room
And I do that. I walked out, and the whole crowd was like, "Hurray!"
And I see... Ma'am, as close as you are to me...
I saw it when I left: Juice.
And I saw a confession in his eyes,
and that makes me proud that he knows who I really am.
I don't acknowledge his presence because it is a white audience,
and I don't want to start panicking.
But I did my show. The show went great.
I said, "Good evening, everyone." They all said, "Yay!"
And I don't say anything to OJ,
But I only gave him a sign To tell him, I knew he was there.
And I go into the green room,
and OJ is already there!
I like, "How is this possible?"
I'm scared.
And then my friends come in, and we all start talking.
We sit on the sofa.
And I just said what I saw with my own eyes
You can trust me or not trust me.
But in my experience, OJ Simpson... was one of the greatest men I've ever met.
She's good at me. He is good for my friends.
Conversations filled with warmth and flexibility, humor and wisdom.
We talked for 90 minutes, Then suddenly, Juice said,
"What do you know? I have to go. But it's nice to meet you again,
and I'm glad everything works well."
I said, "Thank you, Juice."
And my friend said, "Yeah, goodbye, Mr. Juice."
They are new to the game.
He said, "No. Thank you... for your hospitality Good evening friends."
And we said, "Good evening." And he just walked out of the room.
And once the door is closed, we all look at each other like,
"The Nigga does that crap.
Do you feel that?
I can feel like...
murder in that room."
Well, you young head skipped that crap.
You're too young You don't remember that
- How old are you, young, man? You. - Twenty-four.
Twenty-four? You don't know anything
You have to be Google pesky that I live.
Look, this is the reason I locked the bastard's cellphone.
Seriously. Because of young people,
you need to take a break from it...
We all need to take a break from that technology,
only for a moment.
You know, I'm from a different time, young man. It is dark for you.
I was from the time I wasn't even used to find out who was on the phone
until I answer nonsense
Like, when an ordinary tragedy strikes. I remember I was 12 years old,
and the teacher swings the television into the class
You remember today
And he turned it on to one of three channels
And he said, "Class, the shuttle took off,
and we will all watch it take off."
Man, that shit would be good for like, three to five minutes.
That's right. You remember. It explodes!
Right on television. Everybody on the boat dies.
Immediately suspected of being killed.
That's very bad, the teacher saw at all children and like...
"You can go home."
That is a bad national tragedy.
This is the American Cold War. The Russians laugh at us.
I mean, for men your age won't even know the pain,
because in your generation,
It's like an exploding spaceship every bad day.
How can you care about anything? When do you know all the damn things?
I get more than one police shot, and then one more happens,
and one more happens.
I cried about Paris, and then Brussels happened.
I can't trace all this nonsense. So you just give fuck up.
That's the characteristic of your generation, and it's messed up,
because your generation lives
at the most difficult time in human history This is the spin era.
Age where no one knows what they even see.
Did you know that Planned Parenthood? for abortion?
This is for people It doesn't plan everything at all.
That's right. So, men of your age don't really know how they feel.
Are you pro-choice? Are you anti-consequences?
What does all that mean?
It's easier not to take care of you.
But for us, we are trained to care.
We were raised like that.
I used to watch a fucking cartoon when I was growing up
called Care Bears.
It's about the damn group from the teddy bear people They are like teddy bears, but they are like people,
and they are all different colors,
and they're all fucking just walking around, caring.
They care about each other and other things.
They all have different designs on their stomachs,
and the design tells you something about what they might be like inside.
A group of beings is very, very loving.
And if the dirt is really bad, Just like the teddy bear,
they don't get a meaningful face. They are determined. Hmm!
And the leader will say, "Come on, friends. It's time for Bear Stare Care!"
Remember that nonsense?
And those little teddy bears will lock arms...
and staring at the problem...
and I'm not even nonsense...
the real love will be shot out from their chest...
and it will eliminate anything it's messed up And when we grow up, we want to be like that bear.
And then we are heartbroken,
because we found Life will not let us do that
and it's impossible to shoot love from your chest However, I have shot love to someone's chest before
I always do it. This is the next best thing.
You kids don't know.
Your generation has just been determined angry, angry
Everyone is angry.
Back when we were growing up, Only black people were angry.
Now everyone just tries to enter the action.
I try to think for myself, "When is everyone angry?"
And then I realized this happened before we were born.
This is a long way to go, but...
it might start in the Second World War.
Think about that.
All of these black men, millions of black men,
leave the United States for the first time,
going to Europe with the US Armed Forces
and fight the Nazis and make more money against the Nazis than they ever dreamed they would succeed in the United States.
And many of them, while they are in Europe...
just to be real, not to be rude...
Many of them might get their penis sucked by white women.
I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen. This is World War II Europe,
and this is a difficult time,
and penis sucked for shoelaces and brown
and things that are very reckless.
And it's very difficult to go back to America and sit behind the bus
after you are in the South of France,
get your penis sucking on the Crunch bar or crazy crap like that.
It's a life-changing experience.
And while it happens in Europe, Here, in America, for the first time,
women enter the workforce en masse, by millions.
All men have left. Someone has to run the factory.
The women do it. Right.
This is the first generation of American women have independent income,
and when people return, women are not the same.
American women have grown.
They say the phrase that no woman on Earth has ever spoken before,
things like, "No" and "Shut up" and "I don't feel like that."
And then behind that screen,
there are few government agencies that are known
who began testing mind control drugs in the American public.
They are messed up. They tested it for 12 years.
They don't realize this drug is not controlling the mind.
They are developing their minds.
That is LSD and mescaline and such nonsense
And for the first time, there is a new school of thought
which is chemically induced
which makes people ask the community where they live
In 1960, President of the United States
only 42 years old.
Can you imagine
DMX is older than that.
And he will deliver a new era of peace.
He will avoid the Cold War. He will end segregation.
And they blew the damn brain in front of everyone in Dallas.
This country has never been the same.
There were seven other big murders in the 60s.
Whoever stands up and says anything
shot down on the street like a fucking dog
Kennedy, Kennedy, King, X, Evers, continuously.
You don't even have to be famous.
You can become a student at Kent State,
or in Mississippi, protested the Vietnam War,
and they also shot them.
The 70s were a wild era.
And while all of this happened...
Bill Cosby raped 54 people.
Damn it. That's a lot of rape, man.
This person installed real numbers.
She's like Steph Curry rape.
Man, that's a lot of rape. Fifty-four?
If he raped 30 fewer people...
That's still two dozen rape!
Don't forget, each of these rape has eight hours of sleep in it.
Women and men, That's more than 400 hours of rape.
It only takes 65 hours to get a pilot license
If rape is an airplane, this number is Top Gun for sure.
Yes, that is difficult.
And I was on stage recently. I am in Syracuse, New York.
Yes. Alright, for Syracuse. But the program didn't work so well...
all because I'm talking about Bill Cosby a little.
Not a little. I will be honest I talk about him for like, 25 minutes.
And a woman stands In the back of the room,
and he shouted, "You damn jerk
to say these things!"
"I know."
Immediately, I feel bad. Not bad with what I say.
I just feel bad like, "Oh, that's too bad . He doesn't like the show."
I didn't realize it at first, but he didn't just say that,
He rushes to the stage.
When I see it, I only see this shadow figure
damn up the hall toward me in full fight mode.
I'm horrified. I said, "Oh, my God!
I will kick this bitch."
Luckily for me, I don't need to do it. Security overcomes it.
But it's really damn bad scene.
A fight ensued. Then,
Finally, he screamed at me,
"Women suffer!"
I said, "I know."
And, woman, I want you to know... I know.
I want you to know Seriously, There are lots of men in this room
who identify themselves as feminists.
I will include myself in that matter.
Never forget, we all have mothers and daughters and sisters and wives,
and we want to see All these women do it well
and not held by their sex.
There are many men like that in this room
There are many men like that In the world.
Or as we know on the streets, donkey niggas.
But when this woman is struggling and yells at me,
I'm starting to get offended. And I will be honest, the race is involved.
She is a young white woman.
Good intentions, but don't think about it all the way through.
"Bitch, how are you going to shout? to black people about discrimination?"
He doesn't understand. He keeps walking. "Women suffer!"
"I know."
"Women suffer!" "The same team."
"Women suffer!" "I know."
And this is when he goes too far: "We suffer like you."
"Slow roll you, bitch. You suffer, yes, but not like me. Unlike us."
He said, "Suffering is suffering. What's the difference?"
I said, "Come on, white woman, You know what that is.
You are in theft. You just don't like your piece."
You suffer, I suffer.
That's how it works.
Can't make a comparative landing.
If you are hungry, and your friend says, "You know, people are starving in Africa,"
"So, I'm still going to have lunch."
Black people know about comparative suffering,
and you know it This is a fucking dead end game.
Blacks and Jews do that to each other all the time.
You've played Who Has More with Jews
It's a difficult match.
Whenever you think you have Jews on a rope,
the bastard will be like, "Well, don't forget Egypt."
"Egypt?! Damn, no, I don't know. We returned to Egypt."
What's wrong with him? What is he thinking?
Does he think that I don't know is rape wrong?
Does he think that is possible? I have no empathy
for Bill Cosby's alleged victim?
And I will be negligent if I don't remind you
Technically all of this is still a charge Although, I admit it looks really bad.
Maybe if he saw it correctly,
he will have empathy for me, the man he attacked,
a 42-year-old black comedian.
Obviously, Bill Cosby is a hero to me.
And he doesn't know how it feels
to think that your hero might have done something very cruel,
God, you can't imagine it.
It's as if you've heard it that chocolate ice cream itself...
has raped 54 people.
You will say to yourself, "Oh, man, but I like chocolate ice cream.
I don't want rape to happen."
Don't want to believe it. Initially, I did not believe.
I said, "These people are obviously trying to destroy Dr. Cosby's rich heritage."
Even 34 accusations into it, I'm still like, "Man...
he might just rape ten or 11 these people."
I know I know. But this is very difficult. You are still young
Imagine if you knew 40 years from now that Kevin Hart raped 54 people.
You will be like, "Oh, my God."
The only one who will believe it will be Katt Williams.
He will be like, "I know that bastard is up to something!
I know Kevin has raped those people."
You know, I'm also very angry with Kevin.
Do you know why? Okay, first of all,
I don't even know Kevin as successful as he is.
I found that crap in a difficult way.
I was at home when my child entered. He said, "Daddy, I need $ 250."
He is only 12 years old, so I panicked.
"What happened, nigga? Did someone try to kill you?"
He said, "No, no.
Kevin Hart came to town, and I want to see the show."
I said, "How much is it?" He said, "They're $ 125."
I said, "God damn, I'm only 80."
I said, "Why do you need $ 250, then?"
He said, "Because I want to go with you, Daddy Please?
And that's him.
So, I took him to the show.
And we go, we sit in front.
Lights lights up, and one opening after the other continues.
Then Kevin goes on stage. The crowd goes off to fucking nuts.
Thousands of people. I'm very angry.
The longer the show continues, I'm angry.
Because the show is fucking amazing.
It's annoying. These people are fucking fucking holding their stomachs.
My son is slapping his knee.
I'm like, "Damn, nigga, me also do this. "
Kevin said, "Good evening." The crowd is going crazy.
And then everyone starts walking to the door, and the lights turn on,
and then my son just stood there, seeing the empty stage
People push past me, and nobody recognizes me.
I'm like, "Man, this place is fucking annoying!"
I said, "Come on, kid, Let's go from here."
Then my child looked at me and said, "Daddy, please.
I'm like," Oh, my God. "
So, I took him backstage. I've known Kevin for years ,
But can you believe I'm scared knocking on the door of his room?
I almost said...
"Son, I haven't seen him for a long time."
And one of the goons Kevin opened the door.
"Hey, what's up, Dave Chappelle?
What are you doing, man Nice to meet you, brother.
What are you doing in this area? This is a terrible area."
I'm like, "Actually I live around here. Listening...
is Kevin here
My child just wants to meet him quickly."
"I don't know, Because Kevin will have dinner."
Right at that moment, Kevin appeared at the corner to see who it was
"Oh, what, Dave? Come back
I just want to have dinner. I don't know if you eat,
but you're welcome to join me if you want."
And then my son pushed me past me. That is bullshit.
He said, "Actually, Mr. Hart, We haven't eaten in a few hours."
Man, Kevin took us to his room. This person has spread.
It was Tuesday night. This bastard is having Sunday dinner
There is steak, meat, corn with butter on top.
My child is eating all fast, embarrassing me I'm like, "Slow down, kid." He is like...
Then I look at the corner, and there is a box
custom-made jerseys for local teams
Each one is sewn by hand,
and behind, they sewed the "K-Hart" on all of them.
Kevin saw me staring at the box,
and he goes and grabs one of those shirts,
and he walked towards my child.
He said, "Hey, little one. I want you to have this."
And my child is like, "Thank you, Mr. Hart." This is when I'm angry.
He left, "If your father makes you angry,
put it." And he walks out.
Oh, that's bullshit.
Then I realized... I looked up what Kevin made on Google.
I don't believe that nonsense.
Kevin is the first comedian that a Drake song could be about.
Kevin can walk around his house and sing "All Me,"
and the whole song remains true.
"I have everything, I have everything
I can't complain, I can't complain
I don't even know How I really made it
I forgot, this is a lot
Fuck that, especially what I got "
And his wife will be like, " Kevin, let's sleep! "
He'll be like... " Ho, shut up
I'm too much... "
You know how much money you have to have to tell a girl to close the fuck up?
I have" Calm down, help "money at best.
I have to take a loan to "Shut your mouth."
"Shut up..." It is money Jay Z.
And Beyonc has "No, you close his mouth" money. Don't forget Don't forget
I have never met Bill Cosby, so I did not defend him
Let's remember that it has a valuable inheritance
that I can't just throw it away.
I remember him being the first black man ever to win an Emmy on television.
I also remember that he was the first person to make cartoons with black characters
where their lips and nose are drawn proportionally.
I remember that he had a television show
which has the equivalent number to the Super Bowl every Thursday night.
And I remember that he partnered with a clinical psychologist to confirm it that there is no negative image African-Americans on the show.
I say, it's not a small thing.
I already have a television program. I won't do that shit.
He gave tens of millions of dollars to African-American institutions from higher learning,
and is directly responsible for thousands of people Black children will go to college.
Not only people who are raped.
This is the kicker. You are ready?
This is the fact I heard, but not yet confirmed I heard when Martin Luther King stood on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial and said that he dreamed,
he spoke to the PA system paid by Bill Cosby.
So, you understand what I'm saying? The point is this:
He raped, but he saved.
And he saves more than just rape.
But he might do rape.
Thank you very much! Good night!
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
I forgot. The fourth time I met OJ Simpson.
The fourth time is not the funniest time,
but this is the last time I will see Juice.
For some reason, I'm in the Kentucky Derby.
This is a very long story.
This is true after I stopped Chappelle show
in a spectacular way.
There is a party held by by Michael Jordan,
and every athlete I've ever admired is in that room
Yes.
And then I see a familiar face at the bar, standing there, drinking alone
That is Chris Tucker. Now...
You must remember, right now, We are both technically lost.
And we leave, and we talk to each other,
and stunned bastard to see us together.
Seeing me and Chris Tucker at the time
it will be like seeing Bigfoot driving a unicorn
You will not believe That's what you see.
And then, through all the criminals, A familiar face breaks through the crowd.
Here it is again.
Juice.
He prepared the camera. He's like, "Dave, Chris.
Hey, come on, buddy. Let's all get together to take pictures."
And at the same time, I and Chris like, "No.
I can't do that
Sorry, Juice, my career is too thin to survive by taking pictures."
That's the end. Good night.
One last thing. Before you leave,
I just want to admit for true comedy fans.
We can't not know it.
We lost the damn giant in this week's comedy
So, I just shouted out the family and friends of Garry Shandling.
Lots of love for you. My sincere sayings.
And for hip-hop fans in the building...
put two fingers in the air for A Tribe Called Quest
and my dear Phife Dawg.
May he rest in peace forever and forever.
Thank you for the beautiful music.
Good evening everyone. Thank you.
Twos up! Twos up! Hands up, raise your hand! Twos up!
We will do this for Phife! I need everyone to rap with me right now!
I'm rich, man!