1
00:00:05,080 --> 00:00:09,517
Hello, my name is Sean Anders.
Screenwriter and director of <i>Sex Drive.</i>

2
00:00:11,686 --> 00:00:14,246
Hi, John. I didn't
see you there.

3
00:00:14,322 --> 00:00:19,157
- This is John Morris. - Screenwriter
and producer of <i>Sex Drive.</i>

4
00:00:19,227 --> 00:00:22,060
- Welcome to the unrated...
- Uncircumcised...

5
00:00:22,130 --> 00:00:23,427
edition of...

6
00:00:23,498 --> 00:00:25,398
- <i>... Sex Drive.
- Sex Drive.</i>

7
00:00:25,467 --> 00:00:27,958
How many times has
this happened to you?

8
00:00:28,036 --> 00:00:32,370
You purchase an unrated DVD to view with
your friends. Only with your friends...

9
00:00:32,440 --> 00:00:36,570
Only to find that you got the same old
movie with a few extra curse words,

10
00:00:36,644 --> 00:00:38,942
and maybe an
additional tit or two.

11
00:00:39,014 --> 00:00:41,073
- What a jip.
- And how...

12
00:00:41,149 --> 00:00:42,480
Not this time.

13
00:00:42,550 --> 00:00:46,714
That's right, John. On this
unrated DVD we promise you,

14
00:00:46,788 --> 00:00:48,119
the viewer,

15
00:00:49,190 --> 00:00:53,149
a genuinely wacky, zany and
unrated viewing experience.

16
00:00:53,228 --> 00:00:56,129
- We promise... - Plus,
we promise more tits.

17
00:00:56,197 --> 00:00:58,461
Bare tits like these.

18
00:01:00,201 --> 00:01:02,032
These tits are good.

19
00:01:03,038 --> 00:01:06,007
Plus, more cock, like this.

20
00:01:07,142 --> 00:01:09,042
That's good cock, John.

21
00:01:09,477 --> 00:01:13,777
That's right, John, and that's not all,
we promise lots of additional scenes,

22
00:01:13,848 --> 00:01:18,182
takes and other bullshit that
will make the movie way too long.

23
00:01:18,253 --> 00:01:21,017
And this means a lower standard
of filmmaking for you,

24
00:01:21,089 --> 00:01:22,129
- the viewer.
- The viewer.

25
00:01:22,323 --> 00:01:26,851
So, if you've never seen <i>Sex
Drive</i> before, please, for real,

26
00:01:26,928 --> 00:01:29,396
do not watch this version first.

27
00:01:29,464 --> 00:01:33,195
Watch the real theatrical version and
then come back and watch this one.

28
00:01:33,268 --> 00:01:34,360
Why?

29
00:01:34,436 --> 00:01:38,998
Yes, because this version of
the movie is going to suck.

30
00:01:46,114 --> 00:01:50,073
Sorry, but I couldn't help but notice you.
I have this exact same tribal tattoo.

31
00:01:50,151 --> 00:01:52,119
Mine's one my...
It's on my back.

32
00:01:52,187 --> 00:01:55,987
But actually I have a town car
outside if you wanna go see...

33
00:02:03,098 --> 00:02:05,293
All right. Why
don't you do one more?

34
00:02:26,054 --> 00:02:29,046
We open up against
Michigan in two weeks.

35
00:02:30,525 --> 00:02:32,925
Coach's got me hitting
the bench pretty hard.

36
00:02:38,099 --> 00:02:41,227
Shit. How much is a lot?

37
00:02:42,971 --> 00:02:45,064
One... No, two.

38
00:02:50,044 --> 00:02:52,911
I'm putting up three hundy.

39
00:03:01,756 --> 00:03:03,849
Well, let's see, Tasty.

40
00:03:09,197 --> 00:03:10,289
Wow!

41
00:03:11,799 --> 00:03:12,799
Um...

42
00:03:14,769 --> 00:03:17,738
Wow, you're really pretty.
I've never seen...

43
00:03:18,106 --> 00:03:19,300
No, stop it, stop it.

44
00:03:19,374 --> 00:03:23,140
Don't be so fucking desperate.
Come on, be a dick. Be cool.

45
00:03:25,113 --> 00:03:27,993
<i>Don't be a
pussy. Tell her she's an ugly skank.</i>

46
00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:32,477
Yeah.

47
00:03:32,554 --> 00:03:33,782
Not bad.

48
00:03:35,223 --> 00:03:36,383
I've seen better.

49
00:03:41,796 --> 00:03:43,354
Yeah, whatever.

50
00:03:44,465 --> 00:03:49,027
Coach's got us running
two-a-days, so I gotta bounce.

51
00:04:12,293 --> 00:04:15,956
Miss Tasty? How
did you get here?

52
00:04:17,165 --> 00:04:18,165
Shh!

53
00:05:37,912 --> 00:05:40,346
Ian, wake up, faggot.
Judge rolls in 20,

54
00:05:40,415 --> 00:05:42,474
so if you want a ride to work you
better get your poop in a group.

55
00:05:42,550 --> 00:05:44,677
- Okay, I'll be right down.
- No. Now, Clay Aiken.

56
00:05:44,752 --> 00:05:46,743
- All right.
- No, now, homo.

57
00:05:46,821 --> 00:05:48,861
- Just give me a minute. - No,
no, no, no. Now, sissy.

58
00:05:48,923 --> 00:05:51,687
- Just... - No,
now, chode-stroker.

59
00:05:52,860 --> 00:05:54,350
Now, ball bag.

60
00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:02,263
Hey...

61
00:06:02,470 --> 00:06:04,768
- Ow! Cut it out.
- Hurts, doesn't it?

62
00:06:04,839 --> 00:06:06,966
Shut up! I'm trying to sleep.

63
00:06:07,375 --> 00:06:11,209
Hey, Big D, sorry. Go back
to sleep. You're Golden.

64
00:06:11,279 --> 00:06:14,009
- You, get your ass up.
- Give me a minute.

65
00:06:14,248 --> 00:06:15,772
What're you doing
under there, huh?

66
00:06:15,850 --> 00:06:19,286
What're you doing? You're
firing off your skin pistol?

67
00:06:19,687 --> 00:06:21,348
Come on, get up.
What are you hiding?

68
00:06:21,422 --> 00:06:23,413
You got a big fattie
under there, don't you?

69
00:06:23,491 --> 00:06:27,723
Yeah, you do. You're stroking
it, too. What the F?

70
00:06:28,496 --> 00:06:32,432
Your little brother's sleeping
not ten feet away. Jesus Christ!

71
00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:34,200
Good. My boys are all here.

72
00:06:34,268 --> 00:06:36,236
- Dad, Ian's free...
- Can it, Rex.

73
00:06:36,304 --> 00:06:39,740
Your pop's got a bombshell
to drop, so ears open.

74
00:06:39,807 --> 00:06:42,776
Last night, your old man
popped the question.

75
00:06:43,978 --> 00:06:45,639
Show them, Karen.

76
00:06:48,349 --> 00:06:50,010
I'm so happy.

77
00:06:52,387 --> 00:06:54,855
Hey, way to go!

78
00:06:54,922 --> 00:06:58,380
Ian, you wanna get off your duff and
come over here and give Karen a hug?

79
00:06:58,459 --> 00:06:59,459
Um...

80
00:06:59,994 --> 00:07:04,727
- Yeah, Ian, come on. You're being rude.
- Can we do that later?

81
00:07:04,799 --> 00:07:08,257
- Damn it, Ian, get up...
- No, no, honey. It's okay.

82
00:07:08,936 --> 00:07:13,236
We have to give him time
to get used to the idea.

83
00:07:15,252 --> 00:07:16,652
- Karen?
- Are you okay?

84
00:07:16,677 --> 00:07:18,736
- Karen? Karen, honey?
- You okay?

85
00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:19,813
Sweetheart?

86
00:07:20,381 --> 00:07:22,246
What smells like jizz?

87
00:07:27,555 --> 00:07:30,217
Let's go! Kick it
in the ass, dildo!

88
00:07:40,234 --> 00:07:43,533
Come on, get in. Get in!

89
00:07:51,846 --> 00:07:53,143
You suck!

90
00:07:55,149 --> 00:07:58,312
Okay, seriously. Quit being
such a fag and get in.

91
00:08:03,324 --> 00:08:05,815
Never go down
So let's get it up

92
00:08:09,597 --> 00:08:13,556
Ian, I'm gonna ask you a question,
and I want a straight answer.

93
00:08:13,968 --> 00:08:15,833
- You queer?
- What?

94
00:08:15,903 --> 00:08:18,371
- God damn it! I knew it!
- I didn't say anything.

95
00:08:18,439 --> 00:08:20,737
Exactly. If someone asks you
if you're a pole smoker,

96
00:08:20,808 --> 00:08:24,244
you just deny it, straight off.
No pause, no farting around.

97
00:08:24,312 --> 00:08:25,711
Rex, I'm not gay.

98
00:08:25,780 --> 00:08:27,771
- Dad thinks you're gay.
- What?

99
00:08:27,849 --> 00:08:30,977
- You're breaking the old man's heart.
- No, I'm not. I told him I'm not.

100
00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:34,180
Ian, you're 18, and you've
never had a girlfriend.

101
00:08:34,255 --> 00:08:36,951
That's how people wind up
getting gay, you know.

102
00:08:37,024 --> 00:08:38,992
I don't think that's
really how it happens.

103
00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:41,500
Is that not how it happens? So
tell me how it happens, expert.

104
00:08:41,529 --> 00:08:43,963
Fucking cock expert. Cockspert.

105
00:08:44,031 --> 00:08:46,111
Hey, what do you like better,
the shaft or the balls?

106
00:08:46,133 --> 00:08:49,193
- That's gross. - You like
them both, don't you?

107
00:08:49,370 --> 00:08:53,807
It's like, sometimes like, Tuesdays you
want the big, old fucking shiny-ass cock,

108
00:08:53,875 --> 00:08:57,276
and Wednesdays and Thursdays
you're on to the balls.

109
00:08:57,345 --> 00:08:59,540
- I don't know why you're talking about
it. - You can't choose, can you?

110
00:08:59,614 --> 00:09:02,515
That's a tough one. You love it
and you're obsessed with it.

111
00:09:02,583 --> 00:09:05,017
No, you are. You keep
talking about it.

112
00:09:05,086 --> 00:09:06,849
Why're you smiling at me?
I'm serious.

113
00:09:06,921 --> 00:09:09,856
Don't fucking smile at me. You know I'll
knock you out of this goddamn earth.

114
00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:11,789
What does it taste like?

115
00:09:11,859 --> 00:09:14,225
Like, right when you take your
mouth off and it's like kind of

116
00:09:14,295 --> 00:09:17,526
like you can almost see your
reflection in that fucking cock.

117
00:09:17,598 --> 00:09:19,759
Smack you in the face
with it a little bit.

118
00:09:19,834 --> 00:09:21,961
- You don't like that?
- I don't eat...

119
00:09:22,036 --> 00:09:28,942
Just cut. Just like, shiny fucking
stiff, hot vascular mushroom head.

120
00:09:29,010 --> 00:09:30,204
Yeah, yeah.

121
00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:32,542
Look, every guy's got a
fantasy about another guy,

122
00:09:32,613 --> 00:09:36,344
but you got to bury that shit way
down. This is America, God damn it.

123
00:09:36,417 --> 00:09:40,410
There is... There is a girl
that I've been kind of...

124
00:09:40,488 --> 00:09:43,389
All right, I'm listening.
Where'd you meet her?

125
00:09:43,457 --> 00:09:45,015
On the... Online.

126
00:09:46,727 --> 00:09:50,185
What? For fuck's sake, Ian,
don't you watch <i>Dateline</i>?

127
00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:54,667
She's probably a guy. Some fat old dude
who wants to RAM you in the tailpipe.

128
00:09:54,735 --> 00:09:58,296
But you'd love that, wouldn't
you? 'Cause you're a homo.

129
00:10:12,353 --> 00:10:16,551
Hey, Ian. Try not to come home
any gayer than you are now.

130
00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:21,861
Seriously, though. You're a fag.

131
00:10:21,929 --> 00:10:24,955
Hey, don't look at me like that. I'll
punch you in the goddamn throat.

132
00:10:34,008 --> 00:10:38,104
Hey.

133
00:10:38,713 --> 00:10:42,171
<i>What's your favorite song?</i>

134
00:10:42,249 --> 00:10:45,082
<i>Maybe we could hum along.</i>

135
00:10:46,287 --> 00:10:52,658
<i>Well, I think you're
smart, you sweet thing.</i>

136
00:10:53,794 --> 00:10:58,561
<i>Tell me your name,
I'm dying here.</i>

137
00:11:04,171 --> 00:11:07,629
<i>Got you where I want you.</i>

138
00:11:08,809 --> 00:11:10,299
<i>Yeah.</i>

139
00:11:18,219 --> 00:11:24,624
- Hey, Becca. How are you? - I'm
good. I'm fine. Whatever.

140
00:11:24,725 --> 00:11:28,855
Hey, Becca.
Looks like you had a long, nasty night.

141
00:11:28,929 --> 00:11:32,763
- Ron and Ian want the four-one-uno.
- Whatever. You guys are gross.

142
00:11:32,833 --> 00:11:37,395
- I'm not gross. I didn't say anything.
- Okay, who's going on coupon rounds?

143
00:11:39,974 --> 00:11:43,273
- No, Becca, I did it yesterday.
- Please, Ian.

144
00:11:45,546 --> 00:11:47,275
I love you so much.

145
00:11:48,482 --> 00:11:53,044
Hello. This is a coupon for six
free... No? Okay. Sorry. Donuts? No.

146
00:11:53,718 --> 00:11:55,798
- Six free donuts with the
Bandito's Dozen. - Thanks.

147
00:11:55,823 --> 00:11:57,415
You're welcome. Sorry.

148
00:11:58,826 --> 00:12:01,317
Excuse me. Do you know
where the Gap is?

149
00:12:01,395 --> 00:12:05,456
- It's just past the movie theater.
- Thanks, man.

150
00:12:09,904 --> 00:12:11,371
Yeah, real funny.

151
00:12:15,276 --> 00:12:17,301
Free donuts, free coupons.

152
00:12:17,545 --> 00:12:19,877
Felicia. How's
it fitting, hon?

153
00:12:31,959 --> 00:12:35,417
Well, you look nice.

154
00:12:35,974 --> 00:12:38,374
You know, sweetie, there's still
time to have your boobs done

155
00:12:38,399 --> 00:12:39,559
before my wedding.

156
00:12:39,633 --> 00:12:42,101
Darren and I already discussed
them, and he said he'd pay for it.

157
00:12:42,169 --> 00:12:45,332
I mean, he's a dentist, so
it's totally not a big deal.

158
00:12:46,707 --> 00:12:48,800
Excuse me, do you have
a pair of scissors?

159
00:12:48,876 --> 00:12:50,935
Oh! Sure, sweetie. Do
you have a stringie?

160
00:12:51,011 --> 00:12:54,503
Oh, no. I was just hoping you could
slit my wrists for me quickly.

161
00:12:54,582 --> 00:12:57,380
My husband killed
himself last Christmas.

162
00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:02,715
I am so sorry. I was just...

163
00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:07,586
Hello. This is a coupon for
six free donuts. Donuts?

164
00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:19,238
Oh, my God! You look
so hot in that.

165
00:13:19,707 --> 00:13:22,642
Hey, sweetheart, listen. Please
don't take this the wrong way,

166
00:13:22,710 --> 00:13:24,644
but your whole trying
too hard thing,

167
00:13:24,712 --> 00:13:27,374
it's just coming across
as needy, you know?

168
00:13:27,448 --> 00:13:29,780
And I think you're better
than that, Kimberly.

169
00:13:29,850 --> 00:13:34,753
- But all I was saying was that...
- Shh! Let's see it in a large. Okay?

170
00:13:34,886 --> 00:13:36,966
I mean, Christ, I'm out
buying him clothes right now.

171
00:13:36,991 --> 00:13:40,859
He's 18 years old. I don't
have to do that shit anymore.

172
00:13:40,928 --> 00:13:45,456
Look, Judy, listen, I'm sorry, I'm
losing you. I'm going into a tunnel.

173
00:13:47,067 --> 00:13:50,798
Well, it's official, Lance, your
mom's still bat-shit crazy.

174
00:13:50,871 --> 00:13:53,169
What? You're telling me
she doesn't shit-talk me?

175
00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:56,141
No, actually, she doesn't.
She doesn't, ever.

176
00:13:56,210 --> 00:13:59,043
All right. Let me give you
some advice, Lance, all right?

177
00:13:59,113 --> 00:14:02,105
Don't ever get married. Just an
endless parade of horseshit.

178
00:14:02,183 --> 00:14:05,880
And whatever you do, man,
always wear a rubber. Christ.

179
00:14:05,953 --> 00:14:08,786
Nice. Always classy.

180
00:14:08,856 --> 00:14:12,622
Hey, come on, Lance, I didn't
mean it like... Come on, dawg.

181
00:14:16,297 --> 00:14:20,165
Hey, Sir. I've got something
yummy for your little girl.

182
00:14:22,736 --> 00:14:26,672
Oh, my God. Excuse me! Sorry!

183
00:14:32,079 --> 00:14:36,072
- Ian? Oh, my God, dude, what happened?
- I don't know.

184
00:14:36,150 --> 00:14:38,550
Is there a cock and balls
on the front of me again?

185
00:14:38,619 --> 00:14:41,110
- Like a little tree trunk.
- Thank you.

186
00:14:42,256 --> 00:14:44,121
Oh, my God.

187
00:14:47,094 --> 00:14:51,053
- Whoa. You look pretty.
- God, shut up, Ian!

188
00:14:51,131 --> 00:14:55,033
What? I'm just saying, you usually
dress so... You look nice.

189
00:14:55,102 --> 00:14:57,434
Ian, why do you got to work the
mouth when you talk to us?

190
00:14:57,504 --> 00:15:00,996
- Yeah, Ian. - Sorry, it's a...
- It's a habit.

191
00:15:01,075 --> 00:15:04,115
Hey, that girl you work with, Becca, you
gonna bring her to my party tonight?

192
00:15:04,178 --> 00:15:08,877
- Yeah, I asked her. She said no. - Good.
- Dude, she's totally wrong for you.

193
00:15:08,949 --> 00:15:11,417
That's what you say
about everyone.

194
00:15:11,485 --> 00:15:13,485
She made you wear the fucking
costume again, right?

195
00:15:13,554 --> 00:15:15,994
- You know, I don't mind... - Dude,
if you told her to fuck off,

196
00:15:16,056 --> 00:15:19,389
she'd be two knuckles deep right now
daydreaming about your big black cock.

197
00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:20,654
Ian, do not listen to him.

198
00:15:20,728 --> 00:15:23,424
Okay, girls want a nice guy
who's gonna treat them well.

199
00:15:23,497 --> 00:15:25,124
- Really?
- Yes. Really.

200
00:15:25,199 --> 00:15:27,429
Look, all I'm saying is
everybody wants a challenge.

201
00:15:27,501 --> 00:15:29,901
- Everybody wants... - What they
can't get. I know, I got it.

202
00:15:29,970 --> 00:15:33,303
Do you get it? 'Cause I mean, it feels
like I'm teaching you to walk sometimes.

203
00:15:33,374 --> 00:15:37,367
- That shit does not work.
- It works on you.

204
00:15:37,444 --> 00:15:39,207
No, it doesn't.

205
00:15:43,817 --> 00:15:45,284
Felicia!

206
00:15:45,552 --> 00:15:49,318
Balls! I got to go. Evil
cousin's spending the weekend.

207
00:15:49,390 --> 00:15:52,257
- Pretty cousin? - Ian,
she's the anti-Christ.

208
00:15:52,326 --> 00:15:55,454
- She's still super hot.
- Fuck you, too. See you.

209
00:15:56,497 --> 00:15:57,618
So what happened with Becca?

210
00:15:57,665 --> 00:15:59,257
You been doing like I
told you, being a dick?

211
00:15:59,333 --> 00:16:03,793
Yeah, kind of. Being kind of a
dick. I'd say... No, not really.

212
00:16:04,738 --> 00:16:06,706
I mean, you know, I've
sort of been practicing

213
00:16:06,774 --> 00:16:09,971
your whole being-a-dick thing
with this girl I met online.

214
00:16:10,044 --> 00:16:12,012
- And I get it, but I just...
- Thanks.

215
00:16:12,079 --> 00:16:13,910
I don't think I could
do that for real.

216
00:16:13,981 --> 00:16:16,074
Dude, sure you can. I
believe in you, you know.

217
00:16:16,150 --> 00:16:19,916
You just got to stop worrying about
being the good guy all the time.

218
00:16:19,987 --> 00:16:22,080
I mean, okay, look at Andy
and Randy over there.

219
00:16:22,156 --> 00:16:24,036
You think they care what
women think about them?

220
00:16:24,124 --> 00:16:26,024
They could give a fuck.

221
00:16:26,627 --> 00:16:29,357
- What's up? What's up?
- What's up, what's up?

222
00:16:29,430 --> 00:16:32,797
Hi. I'm collecting for the
underprivileged children of Ecuador.

223
00:16:32,866 --> 00:16:34,306
- Would you like to help?
- Not really.

224
00:16:34,368 --> 00:16:36,802
- We don't have any money.
- No jobs.

225
00:16:37,638 --> 00:16:39,105
You wanna party?

226
00:16:39,173 --> 00:16:41,334
Um... I'm kind of
working right now.

227
00:16:41,408 --> 00:16:43,740
- When are you done? - Yeah,
what are you doing after?

228
00:16:43,811 --> 00:16:45,369
I have a church thing tonight.

229
00:16:45,446 --> 00:16:47,380
- Kick ass, we'll come.
- Yeah, where is it?

230
00:16:47,448 --> 00:16:49,473
Is there gonna be more hot
snatch like you there?

231
00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:52,542
Those guys are total nards.
They never get anywhere.

232
00:16:52,619 --> 00:16:54,553
That's just 'cause they
don't know how to close.

233
00:16:54,621 --> 00:16:56,422
But they're ability to
open is fucking heroic.

234
00:16:56,590 --> 00:16:59,024
- Do you wear thong underpants? - Do
you want us to take our shirts off?

235
00:16:59,093 --> 00:17:01,425
- What color bra are you wearing?
- Is your mom hot, too?

236
00:17:01,495 --> 00:17:03,087
Are you into me?

237
00:17:03,163 --> 00:17:04,892
- Where do you live? - What
color car do you have?

238
00:17:04,965 --> 00:17:06,645
- Where do you live?
- What's your address?

239
00:17:06,734 --> 00:17:08,395
- Do you want us to come over?
- Do you like pizza?

240
00:17:08,469 --> 00:17:10,369
We've been to a motel.

241
00:17:14,241 --> 00:17:18,109
- Fuck off, donut.
- Rex, it's me.

242
00:17:19,346 --> 00:17:21,280
What the fuck is this all about?

243
00:17:21,348 --> 00:17:25,250
I broke the key off of our locker.
I couldn't get my clothes out.

244
00:17:25,319 --> 00:17:29,221
Stow that shit in the trunk. Christ,
you look like a Mexican butt-hole.

245
00:17:33,861 --> 00:17:35,726
You suck.

246
00:17:39,299 --> 00:17:41,164
Becca? Hey.

247
00:17:41,635 --> 00:17:44,604
Wow, I didn't know that
you were coming over.

248
00:17:45,472 --> 00:17:50,637
Cool. I didn't even know that you
knew where I lived. I mean...

249
00:17:50,711 --> 00:17:53,373
- Yeah, I do.
- Yeah.

250
00:17:53,447 --> 00:17:56,883
- So... - Oh! It's a
funny story. I broke...

251
00:17:56,950 --> 00:18:00,750
I broke my key off and
Ron let me borrow the...

252
00:18:00,821 --> 00:18:04,552
Anyway, so this is great.
You changed your mind.

253
00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:05,905
Now, the party, it doesn't start

254
00:18:05,926 --> 00:18:09,760
- for a few hours. - Actually, I
was wondering if Dylan's here.

255
00:18:12,099 --> 00:18:14,567
- Dylan?
- Yeah. Is he here?

256
00:18:14,635 --> 00:18:17,035
- My 14-year-old brother Dylan?
- Yeah.

257
00:18:17,104 --> 00:18:22,064
- Nice underpants, Ian.
- Snap! Dang, that was funny.

258
00:18:22,142 --> 00:18:24,133
You know he's 14, right?

259
00:18:42,696 --> 00:18:46,291
Laura, Cindy, this shit is
totally gratuitous. I love it.

260
00:18:56,743 --> 00:18:59,439
- Hey, congrats. Good to see you.
- Hey.

261
00:19:03,450 --> 00:19:05,213
Is this the plan?

262
00:19:14,661 --> 00:19:18,927
Ian, dude, there's like 80 wet chicks
here. Get off your wallflower ass.

263
00:19:18,999 --> 00:19:21,968
- Are you smoking cigars now?
- Yes.

264
00:19:22,035 --> 00:19:25,300
- Hey, Lance. Tight party.
- Okay, rude.

265
00:19:25,372 --> 00:19:27,203
You can see I'm having
a conversation here.

266
00:19:27,274 --> 00:19:30,209
Now, I'll be with you
in a few minutes, okay?

267
00:19:30,277 --> 00:19:31,608
- Thank you.
- We're sorry.

268
00:19:31,678 --> 00:19:33,646
- Don't apologize to her.
- I'm sorry.

269
00:19:33,714 --> 00:19:35,409
Don't apologize to me.

270
00:19:39,956 --> 00:19:41,797
Hey, I'm gonna go see who
Felicia's talking to.

271
00:19:41,822 --> 00:19:44,052
No, dude, forget Felicia, okay?

272
00:19:44,124 --> 00:19:46,149
I know you guys are BFF
and all that shit,

273
00:19:46,226 --> 00:19:48,592
but tonight's about getting
that dick a little daylight.

274
00:19:48,662 --> 00:19:50,687
Hey, Lindsay, sweetheart,
where you going?

275
00:19:50,764 --> 00:19:53,232
Come here, we're not done.
Get in here.

276
00:19:53,300 --> 00:19:57,134
- You know my boy Ian? - Yeah.
- No. I don't know.

277
00:19:57,204 --> 00:20:01,106
- You used to be on my paper route.
- Okay, sure. My mom likes you.

278
00:20:01,175 --> 00:20:07,603
Fucking A your mom likes Ian. Look at him.
He's a big, bright crimson King. Right?

279
00:20:07,681 --> 00:20:09,876
You know what else?

280
00:20:09,950 --> 00:20:12,077
Ian is a bust-ass virgin.

281
00:20:14,721 --> 00:20:16,086
I'm so sorry.

282
00:20:16,156 --> 00:20:19,387
Don't let that deter
you from fucking him.

283
00:20:25,098 --> 00:20:28,329
Yeah. No, I'm pretty stoked. I got
into the University of Wisconsin,

284
00:20:28,402 --> 00:20:30,632
and I'm gonna go for veterinary
medicine, 'cause that's where...

285
00:20:30,704 --> 00:20:33,138
- Are you gonna go to college?
- University of Boulder.

286
00:20:33,207 --> 00:20:34,902
It's a great party school.

287
00:20:34,975 --> 00:20:40,345
You know, I read that they have a
really great astronomy program.

288
00:20:40,414 --> 00:20:42,348
I don't know if that's what
you're going there for or...

289
00:20:42,416 --> 00:20:48,082
Because it's really high elevation, and
you can see the stars really well...

290
00:20:50,958 --> 00:20:52,220
Planets.

291
00:20:52,826 --> 00:20:56,318
Wow! A little tip action there.
That's really suggestive.

292
00:20:56,396 --> 00:20:59,627
I'm not saying that you're
gonna do that on my, well...

293
00:20:59,733 --> 00:21:02,964
You can just stick with my finger if you
want 'cause this feels great, so...

294
00:21:04,338 --> 00:21:09,401
You're really good at that.
That's really wet. Two...

295
00:21:12,412 --> 00:21:14,932
- Ian! Dude! - I'm...
- Could you excuse me for a second?

296
00:21:14,948 --> 00:21:16,939
Hello. Hello?

297
00:21:17,017 --> 00:21:20,384
- Hey!
- Hey! What up?

298
00:21:20,454 --> 00:21:24,220
- What are you doing in there, man?
- What're you doing out here, man?

299
00:21:24,291 --> 00:21:27,124
- I asked you first.
- Nothing.

300
00:21:27,194 --> 00:21:30,960
No, I just... I spilled beer on
my shirt, so then I had to...

301
00:21:31,031 --> 00:21:35,968
- I thought you had, like, a girl
in there. - Yeah, right. I wish.

302
00:21:36,036 --> 00:21:39,563
So, okay. So, are your
parents, like, still going

303
00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:41,699
to Dylan's motor-cross
thing this weekend?

304
00:21:41,808 --> 00:21:43,435
Yeah, yeah, yeah. They all
take off in the morning.

305
00:21:43,510 --> 00:21:44,772
Okay. Awesome.

306
00:21:44,845 --> 00:21:49,873
'Cause my evil cousin is driving
me nuts, so, I don't know,

307
00:21:49,950 --> 00:21:53,113
you think, like, maybe I could
hang at your place this weekend?

308
00:21:53,220 --> 00:21:55,882
Yeah. Yeah, like a sleepover
or something. It'll be fun.

309
00:21:55,956 --> 00:22:02,259
Oh, my God! Thank you so much.
Hey, I have a secret.

310
00:22:03,664 --> 00:22:06,531
- Okay. - But it's like
a girl secret, so...

311
00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:11,333
- Can you handle it? Are you sure? Okay.
- Yeah.

312
00:22:11,438 --> 00:22:14,202
Hey, Dibits, fuck off.

313
00:22:16,476 --> 00:22:19,877
Okay, so I... Oh my
God, this is so lame.

314
00:22:19,946 --> 00:22:24,406
- Look at you acting like such a girl. - I
know, I know. Okay, okay. Here it is.

315
00:22:26,253 --> 00:22:30,690
I have a crush on
someone, a boy, a guy.

316
00:22:31,291 --> 00:22:33,885
Yeah? Well, who is it?

317
00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:36,758
Come on, you know me better than
anyone. I bet you know who it is.

318
00:22:36,830 --> 00:22:38,388
Come on, guess.

319
00:22:40,434 --> 00:22:41,434
Um...

320
00:22:42,235 --> 00:22:43,793
I think I know.

321
00:22:52,079 --> 00:22:57,881
I'm kidding. Oh, God! I got you.
You're so easy. You're so easy!

322
00:23:01,888 --> 00:23:04,982
- You're my best friend. - I
know, and you're my best friend.

323
00:23:05,058 --> 00:23:09,017
That's why it's funny that we
would kiss, because we wouldn't.

324
00:23:11,198 --> 00:23:15,259
So who is it? Who's
the lucky <i>Caballero</i>?

325
00:23:15,802 --> 00:23:18,032
Um... Nobody.

326
00:23:18,105 --> 00:23:21,939
- Nobody? - I... I
was kidding, too.

327
00:23:22,909 --> 00:23:25,002
- That is funny.
- It's hilarious.

328
00:23:25,078 --> 00:23:27,444
- That is so funny.
- That is so funny.

329
00:23:28,215 --> 00:23:29,978
Oh! I...

330
00:23:30,050 --> 00:23:31,050
- You got...
- Yeah.

331
00:23:31,118 --> 00:23:33,643
- All right. So...
- Hey!

332
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:35,085
Okay.

333
00:23:40,994 --> 00:23:42,154
Harsh.

334
00:23:53,206 --> 00:23:55,333
Well, come on, Ian.

335
00:23:56,543 --> 00:23:58,738
You know what? I'm good.
I'm just gonna...

336
00:23:58,812 --> 00:24:01,645
Ian, come on, baby.
Don't be shy.

337
00:24:01,715 --> 00:24:05,742
No, thanks. It looks like you got
your hands full there, so...

338
00:24:05,819 --> 00:24:08,014
Sure you don't want
to get in on this, bro?

339
00:24:08,088 --> 00:24:10,147
No, thanks, man.

340
00:24:10,223 --> 00:24:13,624
It looks like you fellows
got it all under control.

341
00:24:13,693 --> 00:24:17,686
So I'm just gonna skedaddle.
You all take care now.

342
00:24:17,764 --> 00:24:19,322
Lindsay, say hi to your mom.

343
00:24:20,500 --> 00:24:21,990
All right. See
you later, buddy.

344
00:24:29,810 --> 00:24:31,937
Ian. Dude, where you going?

345
00:24:34,181 --> 00:24:35,273
Shit.

346
00:24:43,690 --> 00:24:45,681
Hey, Goldie, scoot over.

347
00:24:52,432 --> 00:24:55,629
- Hey, babe, you wanna party?
- I'm at a party.

348
00:24:55,702 --> 00:24:57,829
You should pee on us.

349
00:24:57,904 --> 00:24:58,962
Why don't you
take a picture, Ian?

350
00:24:59,039 --> 00:25:01,769
Yeah, and post it on
Totalfuckingawesomeness. Com.

351
00:25:01,842 --> 00:25:03,867
Backslash-we-rule!

352
00:25:03,944 --> 00:25:05,104
Where'd you
come up with that?

353
00:25:05,178 --> 00:25:10,275
- Hey, can I ask you guys a question?
- You just did.

354
00:25:11,036 --> 00:25:13,197
- Can I ask you another question?
- You just did again.

355
00:25:13,220 --> 00:25:15,415
- What's up? What's up?
- What's up, what's up?

356
00:25:15,489 --> 00:25:18,754
Nice hair. It'll look
even better in my crotch.

357
00:25:21,895 --> 00:25:24,728
- Dude, where you going?
- Come on.

358
00:25:24,831 --> 00:25:27,800
What's going on? Something
troubling you? Be a buddy.

359
00:25:27,868 --> 00:25:32,965
- I'm... All right, all right.
- You got to get over the monkey.

360
00:25:33,039 --> 00:25:37,203
Where do you guys get the confidence
to, like, hit on every girl you see?

361
00:25:37,277 --> 00:25:41,111
- 'Cause we're the shit. - Yeah,
you oughts to know that, bitch.

362
00:25:44,184 --> 00:25:47,585
- So where's Felicia?
- Fel-ate-cha. Yeah.

363
00:25:48,555 --> 00:25:51,922
- She's in... - Fe-lay-cha!
- You banging her?

364
00:25:52,759 --> 00:25:54,351
We're just friends.

365
00:25:54,427 --> 00:25:56,190
- I'm uncircumcised.
- Yeah.

366
00:25:56,363 --> 00:25:58,558
- I'm into you and I'm hard.
- Yeah.

367
00:25:58,632 --> 00:26:01,032
- Hey, I was born to fertilize.
- Yeah.

368
00:26:01,101 --> 00:26:03,262
- I'm a firefighter.
- Fuck off!

369
00:26:04,704 --> 00:26:06,501
Wait, I thought you
took her to prom.

370
00:26:06,573 --> 00:26:09,542
Yeah, but it was a
just-friends kind of thing.

371
00:26:13,880 --> 00:26:16,041
You should bang her. We would.

372
00:26:16,182 --> 00:26:17,774
Dude, we would
bang her so hard.

373
00:26:17,951 --> 00:26:20,317
We would take that
ass and just...

374
00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:25,400
Yeah, tell her we'll bang her
for you if you're not into it.

375
00:26:25,425 --> 00:26:26,790
Yeah. Hard.

376
00:26:26,860 --> 00:26:29,090
- With our dicks! - Yeah,
our dicks are huge.

377
00:26:29,162 --> 00:26:32,290
You could see them from space!
What's up?

378
00:26:32,365 --> 00:26:35,334
- What's up? - Hey, do
you have a phone number?

379
00:26:36,436 --> 00:26:38,028
You don't. Okay.

380
00:26:44,244 --> 00:26:46,041
I'll call you from nationals.

381
00:26:49,382 --> 00:26:51,907
Say it. - You're
my little donut girl.

382
00:26:56,089 --> 00:26:59,752
- Bye, sexy.
- Yo, Ian.

383
00:27:00,894 --> 00:27:04,728
- You want to smell my finger?
- Yeah, okay.

384
00:27:09,235 --> 00:27:11,726
Are you sure you got
the right hole?

385
00:27:19,646 --> 00:27:20,772
Kids.

386
00:27:27,821 --> 00:27:29,083
Awesome.

387
00:27:34,828 --> 00:27:37,126
Hmm... '69.

388
00:27:44,604 --> 00:27:45,696
Whoa.

389
00:27:54,481 --> 00:27:56,449
Don't puss out. Be cool.

390
00:27:59,219 --> 00:28:01,653
I don't know.

391
00:28:01,988 --> 00:28:07,893
That is a long drive,
my sugar biscuit!

392
00:28:10,096 --> 00:28:13,065
Sugar biscuit? God,
I suck at this.

393
00:28:25,111 --> 00:28:26,578
Holy buckets.

394
00:28:28,782 --> 00:28:31,080
She wants me to give her the D.

395
00:28:32,218 --> 00:28:33,242
Well, honey.

396
00:28:33,319 --> 00:28:34,319
<i>What ya got, Mr. Mans?</i>

397
00:28:34,387 --> 00:28:35,820
<i>I got a lot of money.</i>

398
00:28:35,889 --> 00:28:37,823
<i>I don't see no
keys in my hands.</i>

399
00:28:37,891 --> 00:28:40,758
<i>I just wanna nasty girl.</i>

400
00:28:42,162 --> 00:28:44,528
<i>Now tell me, is that
nasty girl you?</i>

401
00:28:44,597 --> 00:28:45,791
<i>Do you like what you see?</i>

402
00:28:45,865 --> 00:28:52,429
<i>Could you be my nasty girl and let
me do that dirty dance with you?</i>

403
00:28:52,505 --> 00:28:54,598
<i>I can love you long time</i>

404
00:29:08,388 --> 00:29:11,687
I like 'em all
in shapes and sizes.

405
00:29:12,325 --> 00:29:14,953
<i>And it don't make no
difference to me.</i>

406
00:29:15,862 --> 00:29:20,322
<i>If you're short, tall, big or small
Long if there ain't no big surprises.</i>

407
00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:22,630
<i>Chances are you'll
suit me to a T.</i>

408
00:29:31,377 --> 00:29:32,708
Love beef.

409
00:29:36,549 --> 00:29:38,210
Terry, phone call.

410
00:29:42,222 --> 00:29:45,521
Dude, weren't you in my gym
class? What is it? Egan?

411
00:29:45,592 --> 00:29:47,583
Yeah, yeah. Hey, Jordan.

412
00:29:52,632 --> 00:29:56,728
Right. Whatever, scrotch. You
can't get your fist pregnant.

413
00:29:56,803 --> 00:30:00,466
Russ, man, check it out. Yo,
look who's buying Jimmys.

414
00:30:01,407 --> 00:30:03,898
You want these
gift-wrapped, Egan?

415
00:30:08,548 --> 00:30:10,140
Just ring it up, man.

416
00:30:10,216 --> 00:30:12,582
Karen, let me have that for you.

417
00:30:13,386 --> 00:30:15,946
Dad, what did you
do with my helmet?

418
00:30:35,308 --> 00:30:42,237
Ian, honey, I made you
some tollhouse cookies.

419
00:30:43,116 --> 00:30:45,550
I'll just leave
these here for you.

420
00:30:46,786 --> 00:30:48,151
I'll get them later.

421
00:30:48,822 --> 00:30:51,791
There's $40 in the
cow for fun money,

422
00:30:52,458 --> 00:30:55,859
so be safe and sorry
I didn't knock.

423
00:30:57,330 --> 00:31:01,130
Anytime. It's your home now.

424
00:31:02,302 --> 00:31:03,826
Oh, dear.

425
00:31:07,607 --> 00:31:09,234
- Dude.
- Hey.

426
00:31:09,309 --> 00:31:12,335
What is going on with you?
You bought rubbers?

427
00:31:13,079 --> 00:31:15,547
- How did you know that?
- It's on Russ Miller's blog.

428
00:31:19,652 --> 00:31:21,779
Jesus! That was, like,
11 minutes ago.

429
00:31:21,855 --> 00:31:23,288
What's the deal? Dude.

430
00:31:24,791 --> 00:31:27,760
She wants me to meet her tonight
at the Big Boy in Knoxville.

431
00:31:27,894 --> 00:31:31,796
This is a fucking written invitation
to your dick from the Internet.

432
00:31:31,865 --> 00:31:33,127
Oh, Jesus.

433
00:31:33,199 --> 00:31:35,497
Seriously, dude, pack your shit.
We're going to Knoxville.

434
00:31:35,568 --> 00:31:37,627
No. Stop it. Put these back.

435
00:31:37,737 --> 00:31:39,500
This is the type
of girl who has...

436
00:31:39,572 --> 00:31:42,200
She has it shaved
into a landing strip.

437
00:31:42,609 --> 00:31:44,008
I can't deal with
a landing strip.

438
00:31:44,077 --> 00:31:46,739
Okay, dude, you don't know that. I mean,
she could have anything under there.

439
00:31:46,813 --> 00:31:51,375
There could be a little Hitler
or just a full, nasty Chewbacca.

440
00:31:52,919 --> 00:31:56,082
But I'm guessing this
chick is baby fresh.

441
00:31:56,155 --> 00:32:00,023
You know, she doesn't even
want me. She wants him.

442
00:32:01,194 --> 00:32:04,960
I'm sorry. This is good.
This is fine.

443
00:32:05,031 --> 00:32:07,124
I mean, that looks like you.
Like the eyes.

444
00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:09,925
Tasty's probably a guy, anyway.

445
00:32:10,003 --> 00:32:12,699
Maybe. But what if she's not?

446
00:32:13,172 --> 00:32:16,664
You know, I mean, look, you've already
opened, and I could help you close.

447
00:32:17,210 --> 00:32:18,609
We just need one thing.

448
00:32:24,117 --> 00:32:28,747
Ian, just look at this. I mean,
you roll up in a '69 GTO,

449
00:32:28,821 --> 00:32:31,449
she's gonna drop an egg right
there in the Big Boy parking lot.

450
00:32:31,524 --> 00:32:33,492
Hey, Ian, come give
me a hand with this.

451
00:32:34,560 --> 00:32:37,654
Here. Strap that end down.
Tight.

452
00:32:38,264 --> 00:32:41,461
- The cord's too short. - Put a
little sack into it, powder puff.

453
00:32:45,371 --> 00:32:47,771
- All right. Thanks, little brother.
- Yeah.

454
00:32:48,174 --> 00:32:49,835
- Hey, Ian.
- Yeah.

455
00:32:50,276 --> 00:32:52,477
Did I hear something about you
wanting to borrow my car?

456
00:32:52,478 --> 00:32:55,140
No, no, it's fine. Thanks.
Thank you.

457
00:32:56,182 --> 00:32:57,444
You sure?

458
00:32:58,818 --> 00:33:02,276
You're my little brother, Ian.
All you gotta do is ask.

459
00:33:04,324 --> 00:33:05,416
Okay.

460
00:33:06,559 --> 00:33:09,050
Could I use The
Judge this weekend?

461
00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:18,664
Fuck-stick, I wouldn't let you drive The
Judge if it was parked on my shouts.

462
00:33:22,275 --> 00:33:24,505
- Let's go, Dad.
- What a dick.

463
00:33:24,577 --> 00:33:26,408
You should take his car
just on principle.

464
00:33:26,813 --> 00:33:28,747
What do you want me
to do, you know?

465
00:33:28,815 --> 00:33:31,375
I mean, I doubt I can hot-wire it, since
I don't even know what that means.

466
00:33:31,451 --> 00:33:32,918
What are you doing?

467
00:33:36,823 --> 00:33:39,849
No. Lance, no! Put it back. Did
you just hear him? Please.

468
00:33:39,926 --> 00:33:42,087
Come here, we're
gonna have a talk.

469
00:33:42,428 --> 00:33:44,623
She's only nine short
hours away, okay?

470
00:33:44,697 --> 00:33:47,564
We're gonna head down there tonight and
you're gonna put a dent in that shit.

471
00:33:47,633 --> 00:33:50,602
Ian's gonna treat it like it's
meat that needs tenderizing.

472
00:33:50,670 --> 00:33:52,365
With his dick instead
of a hammer.

473
00:33:52,438 --> 00:33:54,565
You can pound it till it bleeds.

474
00:33:54,640 --> 00:33:58,269
Yeah, it's just a fucking girl's
mess, and then we're gonna be...

475
00:33:59,445 --> 00:34:02,107
- What're you doing?
- Still rolling.

476
00:34:02,181 --> 00:34:04,945
Who's gonna pound on it? Say it.
Ian's gonna pound on it.

477
00:34:05,018 --> 00:34:07,714
We're back tomorrow before Rex
even knows the car is gone.

478
00:34:07,787 --> 00:34:10,787
Now, listen, these girls at Madison are
gonna be fucking at a college level.

479
00:34:11,024 --> 00:34:13,049
I need you ready for that.

480
00:34:13,393 --> 00:34:15,384
Wait! Put it... Put it back.

481
00:34:16,162 --> 00:34:17,254
Back here.

482
00:34:33,880 --> 00:34:37,407
For God's sake. You two rump rangers
couldn't wait five minutes?

483
00:34:53,166 --> 00:34:54,292
Shit.

484
00:35:10,850 --> 00:35:12,408
- Shit!
- Fuck!

485
00:35:12,485 --> 00:35:15,010
I told her she could
stay here this weekend.

486
00:35:15,521 --> 00:35:19,048
Dude, what the hell? Why
are you driving Rex's car?

487
00:35:19,125 --> 00:35:20,922
I thought me and...

488
00:35:22,662 --> 00:35:25,324
- Are you bitching out on me?
- No.

489
00:35:25,398 --> 00:35:26,592
- No.
- No.

490
00:35:26,666 --> 00:35:29,396
Good. Well, then
where are we going?

491
00:35:30,403 --> 00:35:32,963
Um... Knoxville, Tennessee.

492
00:35:34,107 --> 00:35:35,540
Okay. I'm gonna go tell my mom.

493
00:35:35,608 --> 00:35:39,442
Okay. Are you gonna... Awesome.

494
00:35:39,645 --> 00:35:41,135
Dude, what the fuck?

495
00:35:41,214 --> 00:35:43,045
- I don't want her along.
- Really?

496
00:35:43,116 --> 00:35:45,277
You don't want to bring
Yoko on your sex trip?

497
00:35:45,351 --> 00:35:47,683
Yeah, no shit. She's
always cock-blocking you.

498
00:35:47,753 --> 00:35:50,313
No, she isn't. She
doesn't even have a...

499
00:35:50,389 --> 00:35:52,584
Okay, twat blocking.

500
00:35:52,658 --> 00:35:53,750
Professor.

501
00:35:53,826 --> 00:35:54,850
When will
you be coming back?

502
00:35:54,927 --> 00:35:56,258
No, tomorrow.

503
00:35:56,329 --> 00:35:59,389
- When?
- No. Bye! God.

504
00:35:59,465 --> 00:36:01,797
You guys
drive safe now. Bye!

505
00:36:02,368 --> 00:36:04,063
So, what's in Tennessee?

506
00:36:04,737 --> 00:36:07,501
My grandma has got some cancer.

507
00:36:08,307 --> 00:36:10,138
- Grammy K?
- She's fine.

508
00:36:10,443 --> 00:36:13,503
She's gonna live forever.
Well, a long time.

509
00:36:14,780 --> 00:36:16,611
It's, you know... I mean,
what is it called?

510
00:36:16,682 --> 00:36:18,762
- It's foot cancer. - She's
got a little foot cancer.

511
00:36:18,818 --> 00:36:21,013
She'll be hopping
around in no time.

512
00:36:21,854 --> 00:36:24,254
So what's she doing
in Tennessee?

513
00:36:24,524 --> 00:36:28,620
Oh! Um... Well, there's this
kick-ass cancer center there.

514
00:36:28,694 --> 00:36:32,494
- Yeah. - Yeah, it's like...
- It's famous.

515
00:36:32,732 --> 00:36:35,360
- Yeah. - So if you
ever get any cancer,

516
00:36:35,434 --> 00:36:39,666
you should totally check it out.

517
00:36:41,073 --> 00:36:42,199
I would.

518
00:36:45,211 --> 00:36:49,511
So you want I-80 East and then
65 goes all the way through Indiana.

519
00:36:50,583 --> 00:36:52,483
- So how's it feel?
- What?

520
00:36:53,052 --> 00:36:56,954
I don't know, breaking the rules,
talking some shit, driving The Judge?

521
00:36:58,191 --> 00:36:59,715
It feels pretty good.

522
00:36:59,792 --> 00:37:02,090
I'm feeling
rough, I'm feeling raw.

523
00:37:02,161 --> 00:37:04,254
<i>I'm in the prime of my life.</i>

524
00:37:08,601 --> 00:37:14,233
<i>Let's make some music, make some
money Find some models for wives.</i>

525
00:37:18,077 --> 00:37:22,377
<i>This is our decision To
live fast and die young.</i>

526
00:37:22,915 --> 00:37:28,046
<i>We've got the vision Now
let's have some fun.</i>

527
00:37:30,356 --> 00:37:32,984
<i>I said, yeah, yeah, yeah.</i>

528
00:37:36,896 --> 00:37:38,557
This dude wants to race.

529
00:37:40,266 --> 00:37:41,597
Let's go, ladies.

530
00:37:41,667 --> 00:37:44,363
Lance! Cut it out! Come on, you
don't know who's in there.

531
00:37:44,437 --> 00:37:48,567
Dude, I don't care if fucking Steve
McQueen's zombie corpse is in that car.

532
00:37:48,641 --> 00:37:51,633
I refuse to be embarrassed by a car
that looks like a Trapper Keeper.

533
00:37:51,711 --> 00:37:53,838
I am not racing in
my brother's car.

534
00:37:54,847 --> 00:37:56,906
Holy shit.

535
00:37:57,950 --> 00:37:59,611
What the hell is that?

536
00:38:01,854 --> 00:38:03,913
Looks like a Nachos BellGrande.

537
00:38:03,990 --> 00:38:05,457
And a chalupa!

538
00:38:05,758 --> 00:38:07,123
Medium Coke!

539
00:38:08,494 --> 00:38:09,518
Go right!

540
00:38:09,695 --> 00:38:11,788
- Turn the wipers on!
- They are on.

541
00:38:11,998 --> 00:38:13,488
They're not working!

542
00:38:13,699 --> 00:38:16,532
Please, don't yell at me.
I'm doing the best I can.

543
00:38:17,503 --> 00:38:18,936
- Winnebago!
- Where?

544
00:38:19,005 --> 00:38:20,836
Winnebago! Winnebago!

545
00:38:28,381 --> 00:38:30,474
Oh, my God, are you all right?

546
00:38:35,421 --> 00:38:38,822
Yeah, nobody offer to help.
I got this under control.

547
00:38:46,198 --> 00:38:50,362
- Are you all right? - Do I
look like I'm all right? Fuck!

548
00:38:52,672 --> 00:38:57,541
You know what might make you feel
better? Putting 40 on pump two.

549
00:39:12,758 --> 00:39:16,592
Hey. You okay in there?

550
00:39:18,798 --> 00:39:22,757
God damn! My back
teeth are snorkeling.

551
00:39:28,574 --> 00:39:30,064
Sweet relief.

552
00:39:33,045 --> 00:39:35,104
You got the shy bladder?

553
00:39:36,082 --> 00:39:37,413
- Yeah.
- Damn.

554
00:39:39,885 --> 00:39:43,116
Paruresis. That's
what they call it.

555
00:39:43,189 --> 00:39:45,987
Let me tell you something.
I didn't catch your name.

556
00:39:46,058 --> 00:39:47,320
It's Ian.

557
00:39:47,393 --> 00:39:51,887
Let me tell you something, Ian.
I had it something fierce.

558
00:39:55,468 --> 00:39:58,869
You can do it, Ian.
You can do it.

559
00:40:05,177 --> 00:40:07,668
Go running down by your sister.

560
00:40:07,747 --> 00:40:10,841
Excuse me, ma'am,
that was my pump.

561
00:40:11,250 --> 00:40:14,913
Yeah? You move your meat,
you lose your seat. Hmm.

562
00:40:16,255 --> 00:40:19,713
Logan, do not eat that. You
will fuck up your appetite!

563
00:40:21,093 --> 00:40:22,185
Damn.

564
00:40:23,295 --> 00:40:25,456
Listen, Reba.

565
00:40:25,531 --> 00:40:30,059
If you value the rest of your
teeth, you will shut off that pump.

566
00:40:35,474 --> 00:40:38,875
So I tells my daddy, "You know
what? You're not the boss of me."

567
00:40:38,944 --> 00:40:42,539
"Not you, not Angie," that's that
girl I was telling you about.

568
00:40:42,615 --> 00:40:44,674
"And sure as hell not
this bladder of mine."

569
00:40:44,750 --> 00:40:46,843
Well, he looked at me,
and you should have...

570
00:40:46,919 --> 00:40:50,685
Ian. Where you going?
Don't give up.

571
00:40:53,592 --> 00:40:56,527
Jesus. I've been
pissing for an hour.

572
00:41:01,033 --> 00:41:05,026
- Another one for the collection.
- Cool. Thanks.

573
00:41:07,773 --> 00:41:08,865
What?

574
00:41:14,380 --> 00:41:17,577
It's okay, Brandy. It's
okay, baby, don't cry.

575
00:41:17,650 --> 00:41:19,345
Lance, what are you doing?

576
00:41:19,418 --> 00:41:21,352
Dude, you should be
ashamed of yourself,

577
00:41:21,420 --> 00:41:25,356
because I'm just trying to show another
human being a little compassion.

578
00:41:25,958 --> 00:41:27,357
And my dick.

579
00:41:29,862 --> 00:41:32,922
It's okay, baby. Just
let those tears fall.

580
00:41:32,998 --> 00:41:35,398
You know why? 'Cause our
love will dry them up.

581
00:41:35,468 --> 00:41:39,165
Love will keep us alive. Just like
that song. You know that song?

582
00:41:39,238 --> 00:41:43,368
That's our song now. That
song represents our bond.

583
00:41:45,144 --> 00:41:47,806
Don Henley's words
represent our love.

584
00:41:54,286 --> 00:41:55,810
What have you got?

585
00:41:56,188 --> 00:41:58,622
Hey, kid, where you from?

586
00:42:00,059 --> 00:42:04,826
- I'm from Chicago, I mean, outside
Chicago. - Are you two married. No?

587
00:42:06,265 --> 00:42:12,101
- No, we're just friends. We're
<i>amigos.</i> - You make a good couple.

588
00:42:12,671 --> 00:42:15,367
She's pretty. Marry that girl.

589
00:42:15,474 --> 00:42:19,035
See my lady and I here,
we've been married forever.

590
00:42:19,111 --> 00:42:21,511
And I tell you she was gorgeous.

591
00:42:21,580 --> 00:42:25,016
The first day I saw her, I said,
"This is gonna be my wife."

592
00:42:25,084 --> 00:42:27,644
And you know what? It happened.

593
00:42:27,720 --> 00:42:31,383
I tell you, that was a
very good year for corn.

594
00:42:31,457 --> 00:42:33,823
Made lots of money.

595
00:42:33,893 --> 00:42:39,661
I fixed my 4X4 and bought my
lady a sexy French lingerie.

596
00:42:39,732 --> 00:42:42,860
Boy, those were the best
six bucks I ever spent.

597
00:42:45,137 --> 00:42:48,334
You kids want to help
yourself to a can of Purple?

598
00:42:48,741 --> 00:42:52,700
- Purple sounds great, Ian.
- Purple? - Yeah, I can go...

599
00:42:55,347 --> 00:42:57,508
Say, the boys still hanging?

600
00:42:58,484 --> 00:43:01,976
- You ever had a peppermint fatty?
- No. Let's have that.

601
00:43:02,121 --> 00:43:04,021
See how that shoe fits.

602
00:43:07,459 --> 00:43:10,189
Oh my God. Do you have
a degree in this?

603
00:43:12,498 --> 00:43:15,763
You know that thing, when runners
say they break the wall?

604
00:43:15,834 --> 00:43:18,496
You know, and it's
all good after that?

605
00:43:18,938 --> 00:43:20,803
I feel like that when my
dick's in your mouth.

606
00:43:21,840 --> 00:43:24,274
It actually says Purple Soda.

607
00:43:29,114 --> 00:43:31,082
Bad boy.

608
00:43:35,821 --> 00:43:37,846
You like him, don't you?

609
00:43:40,926 --> 00:43:45,295
- What? Who? - Lance. I mean,
he's the crush, right?

610
00:43:45,431 --> 00:43:50,232
Oh, yeah! I like Lance,
'cause he's so hot.

611
00:43:50,302 --> 00:43:54,170
I wanna have his baby, he's...
Whatever.

612
00:43:57,943 --> 00:44:01,003
Brandy! Uh-oh!

613
00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:04,106
Brandy! Shit.

614
00:44:06,986 --> 00:44:08,920
- Howdy.
- Howdy.

615
00:44:08,988 --> 00:44:13,857
Mr. McBroom. Ma'am. Where
the fuck's Brandy at?

616
00:44:22,935 --> 00:44:28,532
- You ever hear of a rolling brown-out?
- No. Let's try it.

617
00:44:30,175 --> 00:44:31,836
You bleach that.

618
00:44:32,378 --> 00:44:36,576
Wait. No, no, no, no! Nothing brown!
Nothing brown! Nothing brown!

619
00:44:36,649 --> 00:44:39,049
What're you gonna do?
Hit a girl?

620
00:44:39,318 --> 00:44:43,482
No, but I'm gonna pummel
his ass real good.

621
00:44:43,555 --> 00:44:45,921
There you go. There you go.

622
00:44:46,992 --> 00:44:47,992
Hey!

623
00:44:48,127 --> 00:44:49,458
I have to go to church.

624
00:44:50,329 --> 00:44:53,264
Come on, baby! Open
the goddamn door!

625
00:44:59,171 --> 00:45:03,232
All right, this is not what it looks
like. It was a project for school.

626
00:45:03,308 --> 00:45:04,468
Purple Soda!

627
00:45:13,686 --> 00:45:14,880
Wiener!

628
00:45:18,824 --> 00:45:19,824
Ow!

629
00:45:42,147 --> 00:45:43,637
There you are.

630
00:45:45,884 --> 00:45:48,819
Come on, come on. I do
not want to die naked.

631
00:45:55,194 --> 00:45:59,460
Fuck you! Motherfucking
son of a bitch!

632
00:46:07,406 --> 00:46:11,001
Get on your feet, you
motherfucking pussy!

633
00:46:11,210 --> 00:46:15,271
I'm gonna ask you this just one
time. Did she give you the nugget?

634
00:46:15,681 --> 00:46:17,148
Hey, hold on!

635
00:46:18,773 --> 00:46:20,094
Come on, man, she's
not worth it.

636
00:46:20,119 --> 00:46:22,815
She's just gonna shit
all over you. Trust me.

637
00:46:23,222 --> 00:46:26,248
- She touch your butthole?
- No, no. Jesus, no!

638
00:46:26,325 --> 00:46:28,953
- Let's see! - I thought
she was a man. I'm gay.

639
00:46:29,027 --> 00:46:30,619
I'm gay as hell.

640
00:46:33,098 --> 00:46:35,566
Eat bat, dickhead!

641
00:46:37,169 --> 00:46:38,602
Holy shit!

642
00:46:40,706 --> 00:46:41,866
Ian just killed that guy.

643
00:46:41,940 --> 00:46:44,067
Sir? Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
Are you all right?

644
00:46:44,143 --> 00:46:47,476
Look, I have my insurance card. I'm
sorry. We're from out of town.

645
00:46:47,546 --> 00:46:51,038
I couldn't see you through
the corn. I'm sorry.

646
00:46:54,537 --> 00:46:56,897
- Where the hell's the road?
- It feels like left.

647
00:46:56,922 --> 00:46:58,082
I told you we didn't
have time for this,

648
00:46:58,157 --> 00:47:00,421
- but all you care about is
your stupid dick. - Ian.

649
00:47:00,492 --> 00:47:02,153
And you leave us out there
with her mom's weird soda.

650
00:47:02,227 --> 00:47:04,627
- Ian. - And her dad's
balls in plain view...

651
00:47:04,696 --> 00:47:05,822
Ian, Ian, whip a shitty!

652
00:47:05,898 --> 00:47:07,195
Motherfucker!

653
00:47:18,010 --> 00:47:21,207
Holy fucking shit!
That's how you do that!

654
00:47:21,380 --> 00:47:25,180
Oh, my God, Ian, amazing
driving. Lance, you suck!

655
00:47:25,315 --> 00:47:27,795
- Where the hell are we?
- Where are the Google maps?

656
00:47:27,820 --> 00:47:30,254
- They're in my pants.
- Which are?

657
00:47:30,956 --> 00:47:32,753
In the trailer.

658
00:47:34,426 --> 00:47:36,587
Mmm-hmm. Great.

659
00:47:37,296 --> 00:47:41,562
Shit. I got gum in my bush.

660
00:47:45,295 --> 00:47:47,815
Hey, pick this guy up. Maybe he
can show us back to the highway.

661
00:47:47,840 --> 00:47:51,401
- Ian, do not pick up a hitchhiker.
- Don't worry, I won't.

662
00:47:53,045 --> 00:47:54,842
No, no, no.

663
00:47:56,114 --> 00:47:58,014
Oh, my God.

664
00:48:00,252 --> 00:48:04,245
Hey! Thanks for the lift, man.
I've been out there for hours.

665
00:48:04,690 --> 00:48:06,385
Not one car. Can you believe it?

666
00:48:06,458 --> 00:48:09,086
- Listen, Sir, we didn't...
- You're good people.

667
00:48:09,161 --> 00:48:12,619
- Guy, you're not wearing any pants.
- Yeah, I know.

668
00:48:13,065 --> 00:48:14,089
Right on.

669
00:48:14,166 --> 00:48:16,066
Let's go. We better go.

670
00:48:17,636 --> 00:48:19,501
Hey, you got my stuff.

671
00:48:21,974 --> 00:48:25,876
Hey, real quick, guys, what's
the story of the girl?

672
00:48:25,944 --> 00:48:29,937
- I'm 25 years old. - I don't
know what he's talking about.

673
00:48:39,591 --> 00:48:44,153
I got nothing. There's no bars. You
know, it probably just needs water.

674
00:48:44,463 --> 00:48:45,987
Got any in the trunk?

675
00:48:46,198 --> 00:48:48,792
Hey, sweetheart, men are
talking. We got this one.

676
00:48:48,867 --> 00:48:51,836
Yeah, thanks, but this happened
to my brother's car once

677
00:48:51,904 --> 00:48:54,702
- and you just piss in the radiator.
- Really?

678
00:48:54,940 --> 00:48:56,532
Yeah.

679
00:48:57,676 --> 00:48:59,803
Oh, God! Damn it!

680
00:49:01,246 --> 00:49:03,214
- Are you okay?
- Fuck. Yeah.

681
00:49:03,282 --> 00:49:04,977
That's a lesson learned.

682
00:49:07,619 --> 00:49:09,539
You can watch, if you're
into that kind of thing.

683
00:49:09,554 --> 00:49:12,990
Wow, thanks, but I think we've all
seen your dick enough for one day.

684
00:49:13,058 --> 00:49:17,893
- Do you hear that? There's a ringing.
- Your loss. It's like razor blades.

685
00:49:17,963 --> 00:49:22,764
What? There's
ants down here. FYl.

686
00:49:22,834 --> 00:49:27,601
All right, you're up.
Grip it and rip it.

687
00:49:28,340 --> 00:49:31,605
Okay. Go away.

688
00:49:32,010 --> 00:49:36,140
Dude, seriously? Still? I
thought you got over this shit.

689
00:49:37,683 --> 00:49:39,150
You're a grown man.

690
00:49:46,525 --> 00:49:50,017
Flowing river, gentle stream.
Flowing river, gentle stream.

691
00:49:50,095 --> 00:49:54,555
- Yo, stage fright, how're we doing?
- Damn it, Lance, just give me a minute.

692
00:49:55,968 --> 00:50:00,462
Excuse me. We kind of need
you to pee in the radiator.

693
00:50:01,006 --> 00:50:04,134
- Why?
- We just do.

694
00:50:05,477 --> 00:50:09,004
I'm sorry. I just took a squirt
a couple of minutes ago.

695
00:50:10,082 --> 00:50:12,073
You want me to shit in it?

696
00:50:13,185 --> 00:50:15,517
- We'll get back to you on that one.
- All right.

697
00:50:17,689 --> 00:50:20,283
- I'm telling you, I could shit right now.
- Awesome.

698
00:50:22,227 --> 00:50:25,219
Our new friend's got
nothing left in the tank.

699
00:50:29,768 --> 00:50:30,928
What?

700
00:50:34,539 --> 00:50:39,203
No. Guys, come on. I don't
have the aim that you do.

701
00:50:39,277 --> 00:50:43,008
Every drop helps so much.

702
00:50:44,416 --> 00:50:48,216
Hey, look what I
found in my bag.

703
00:50:48,286 --> 00:50:49,617
Thank God.

704
00:50:50,055 --> 00:50:53,320
- No! - What the
fuck are you doing?

705
00:50:57,095 --> 00:51:01,054
You all just wait 20 minutes
and I'll top it off for you.

706
00:51:03,702 --> 00:51:05,260
Could be ten.

707
00:51:05,337 --> 00:51:09,103
Fine, fine. Okay. But if
any of you pervs peek,

708
00:51:09,174 --> 00:51:12,405
I swear to God it will be
your last conscious act.

709
00:51:20,352 --> 00:51:21,478
Shit.

710
00:51:36,134 --> 00:51:38,102
You kids need some help?

711
00:51:44,976 --> 00:51:46,000
Hi.

712
00:51:52,217 --> 00:51:53,411
Are you okay?

713
00:51:53,485 --> 00:51:56,613
Yeah, I'm great. I just
beaved a family of four.

714
00:51:57,789 --> 00:51:58,983
Try it.

715
00:52:04,463 --> 00:52:05,623
All set?

716
00:52:05,697 --> 00:52:08,530
Look, I'm sorry, Sir, but
we can't give you a ride.

717
00:52:10,635 --> 00:52:12,728
I'm gonna say this once.

718
00:52:12,804 --> 00:52:16,797
You unlock this fucking
car, or God is my witness,

719
00:52:17,342 --> 00:52:19,503
I'll stake you all
to the ground,

720
00:52:19,578 --> 00:52:22,843
cut you open and let
the dogs get at you.

721
00:52:24,349 --> 00:52:25,349
Oh, yeah?

722
00:52:28,153 --> 00:52:30,348
Bye-bye.

723
00:52:35,494 --> 00:52:37,792
Shit, shit, shit, shit.

724
00:52:37,863 --> 00:52:39,694
- What happened?
- It's stuck.

725
00:52:43,435 --> 00:52:44,800
Uh-oh.

726
00:52:44,870 --> 00:52:47,805
That didn't work out like
you planned, did it?

727
00:52:47,873 --> 00:52:52,242
You know what? Mostly I'm disappointed.
It shows zero character.

728
00:52:52,310 --> 00:52:53,868
I know, I'm sorry.

729
00:52:53,945 --> 00:52:55,606
And you're a dick.

730
00:52:56,181 --> 00:53:00,379
You're a dick. You know what,
ma'am? You're a dick, too.

731
00:53:05,123 --> 00:53:07,853
- Here's that pee you ordered.
- Roll them up.

732
00:53:09,794 --> 00:53:13,730
You're soaked with pee.

733
00:53:13,798 --> 00:53:15,356
Quick car wash?

734
00:53:15,433 --> 00:53:17,867
- God!
- Gross.

735
00:53:17,936 --> 00:53:21,531
It smells like beef Jerky.
You know?

736
00:53:22,207 --> 00:53:25,267
It's just got like
that sour sweetness.

737
00:53:27,412 --> 00:53:29,972
How can nobody go down a
road for an hour and a half?

738
00:53:30,048 --> 00:53:31,879
Why did they even make
this stupid road?

739
00:53:31,950 --> 00:53:34,282
It's so hot out here.

740
00:53:34,352 --> 00:53:35,352
Ow!

741
00:53:38,790 --> 00:53:43,454
Oh, my God, your head. Wait...
Does it hurt? Let me see.

742
00:53:43,595 --> 00:53:45,654
Yes. It hurts.

743
00:53:47,933 --> 00:53:51,369
- What is that?
- Oh, my God.

744
00:53:54,940 --> 00:53:55,940
Wow.

745
00:54:08,620 --> 00:54:11,145
That is so beautiful.

746
00:54:20,365 --> 00:54:21,457
Need some help?

747
00:54:22,634 --> 00:54:27,662
- Yeah, but no offense...
- Right, 'cause I'm Amish,

748
00:54:27,739 --> 00:54:30,708
so I wouldn't know anything
about your '69 GTO Judge.

749
00:54:31,009 --> 00:54:34,775
455 Big Block, RAM Air. 4-11
posi, something like that.

750
00:54:34,846 --> 00:54:37,872
Weird, that thing must have
fallen straight from space.

751
00:54:37,949 --> 00:54:40,645
Well, good luck with the
future ride, spaceman.

752
00:54:43,355 --> 00:54:45,482
Hey, dude, wait up. Hold on.

753
00:54:45,857 --> 00:54:47,017
Wow!

754
00:54:47,092 --> 00:54:48,116
Okay.

755
00:54:48,193 --> 00:54:52,493
What are you doing? Whoa, whoa. No,
no, no. Leesh, that's a bad idea.

756
00:54:52,664 --> 00:54:53,824
- What?
- Come on.

757
00:54:53,898 --> 00:54:56,423
You don't know how far we have to walk.
Those are your only pair of shoes.

758
00:54:56,501 --> 00:54:59,766
You know what? You're probably
right. God, you're so sensible.

759
00:54:59,938 --> 00:55:02,600
But maybe I should?
Or maybe I shouldn't?

760
00:55:02,674 --> 00:55:03,971
I should.

761
00:55:06,478 --> 00:55:08,173
I can't believe you
just did that.

762
00:55:08,246 --> 00:55:11,340
So he met this chick on the
Internet, which is sketchy.

763
00:55:11,416 --> 00:55:12,906
The Internet?

764
00:55:13,285 --> 00:55:17,847
Yeah, it's like a series of computers
that are connected through...

765
00:55:17,922 --> 00:55:19,253
Computers?

766
00:55:20,892 --> 00:55:24,487
A computer is like a big calculator,
you know, with the screen.

767
00:55:24,562 --> 00:55:27,002
I'm just busting your balls, man.
I know what the Internet is.

768
00:55:29,734 --> 00:55:31,793
- Okay. - You ever
heard of Rumspringa?

769
00:55:31,870 --> 00:55:34,304
Yeah, that ska band
from Delaware.

770
00:55:34,372 --> 00:55:38,570
No, it means "run wild. " It's an Amish
tradition where when we turn 16,

771
00:55:38,643 --> 00:55:41,203
we can go live like you
heathens for a while.

772
00:55:41,279 --> 00:55:46,512
You go nuts, party for months or years
till your folks start hassling you,

773
00:55:46,584 --> 00:55:48,950
and then it's back
to the Stone Age.

774
00:55:49,020 --> 00:55:51,020
But if you're on Rumspringa,
what's with the buggy?

775
00:55:51,089 --> 00:55:54,286
Oh, no. I'm not. Not anymore.

776
00:55:54,359 --> 00:55:56,759
I probably shouldn't even
be talking to you but...

777
00:55:56,828 --> 00:55:59,661
I'm a little bit of
an Amish floutlaw.

778
00:55:59,731 --> 00:56:03,189
- Sometimes I just miss the world.
- What do you miss the most?

779
00:56:03,268 --> 00:56:06,465
You know, I miss sarcasm. It's
mostly lost on my people.

780
00:56:06,538 --> 00:56:07,562
Oh.

781
00:56:07,639 --> 00:56:13,339
And gambling. Went to Vegas
once. And buttfucking.

782
00:56:14,979 --> 00:56:17,174
Have a lot of nice
memories there.

783
00:56:17,248 --> 00:56:19,079
- I hear that.
- Oh, yeah.

784
00:56:19,918 --> 00:56:21,249
Buttfucking.

785
00:56:22,320 --> 00:56:24,788
Wait, are we talking
about dudes?

786
00:56:25,523 --> 00:56:27,889
- No.
- Okay. Then yeah.

787
00:56:28,927 --> 00:56:32,761
I mean, unless that's what
you're into, and then, whatever.

788
00:56:32,831 --> 00:56:34,560
- It's not.
- No?

789
00:56:34,632 --> 00:56:35,632
No.

790
00:56:36,167 --> 00:56:38,829
- Not into dudes.
- No, no, no, no, no.

791
00:56:39,270 --> 00:56:41,795
- How old are you?
- Old enough.

792
00:56:43,408 --> 00:56:45,035
How old are you?

793
00:56:50,782 --> 00:56:52,613
This is gonna happen.

794
00:56:54,786 --> 00:56:57,118
It's gonna happen whether
you fight it or not.

795
00:56:57,188 --> 00:56:59,622
So I kind of want
you to fight it.

796
00:57:01,259 --> 00:57:02,283
Cut.

797
00:57:02,360 --> 00:57:05,420
- All right. Now you.
- No way. Forget it.

798
00:57:05,497 --> 00:57:08,022
Dude, you never do
anything crazy. Ever.

799
00:57:08,099 --> 00:57:11,227
Hey! I'm driving halfway
across the country to go to...

800
00:57:11,302 --> 00:57:14,863
To visit your grandma? Whoa!

801
00:57:15,006 --> 00:57:17,804
So anyway, we're there
and she's like...

802
00:57:19,744 --> 00:57:20,744
Oh, yeah.

803
00:57:21,546 --> 00:57:22,740
Like, she won't stop crying.

804
00:57:22,814 --> 00:57:24,304
- That's the funniest thing, too.
- I know.

805
00:57:24,382 --> 00:57:28,216
I know, I was with this stripper in
Vegas, and I was like, "you want this?"

806
00:57:28,286 --> 00:57:31,881
So she's like, "Yeah, I
want it, I want it."

807
00:57:33,124 --> 00:57:35,456
And I was like, yeah, this
gets hotter by the second.

808
00:57:35,527 --> 00:57:39,258
"What're you crying about?" She's
like, "... wanted to be a doctor."

809
00:57:39,330 --> 00:57:44,267
And I'm like, "Yeah, you're
a fucking Ph. D. of cock."

810
00:57:44,335 --> 00:57:46,235
- Yeah.
- Yeah, exactly.

811
00:57:46,304 --> 00:57:50,468
And then coercing my load
out on to the crying face.

812
00:57:50,542 --> 00:57:54,342
Vegas in general is just...
Good times.

813
00:57:55,480 --> 00:57:57,641
You can get a blowjob for $10.

814
00:57:57,749 --> 00:58:01,947
Or for free if you meet the right girl
and tell her "I'm on Rumspringa."

815
00:58:02,020 --> 00:58:04,818
"What is this blowjob
that you speak of?"

816
00:58:05,523 --> 00:58:07,889
"Your techno music beguiles me."

817
00:58:09,227 --> 00:58:11,286
Let me put it in your butt.

818
00:58:11,362 --> 00:58:13,057
You know, when you cut
your foot on a piece of glass,

819
00:58:13,131 --> 00:58:15,565
- don't think I'm gonna carry you.
- You know what? I will be fine. Okay?

820
00:58:15,633 --> 00:58:20,536
- I was born barefoot.
- Hey! Wait!

821
00:58:20,605 --> 00:58:23,665
Hey! Stop!

822
00:58:27,378 --> 00:58:29,369
Have a nice walk, shit-birds.

823
00:58:32,650 --> 00:58:33,981
Oh!

824
00:58:37,489 --> 00:58:40,117
Hey, Ian, Felicia, this
is my boy, Ezekiel.

825
00:58:40,191 --> 00:58:41,886
What up, English?

826
00:58:50,835 --> 00:58:52,666
There's no service out here.

827
00:58:52,961 --> 00:58:56,082
- I can't even tell her I'll be late.
- Good. That's perfect. Keep her waiting.

828
00:58:56,107 --> 00:58:58,268
You don't want to come
off as desperate.

829
00:58:58,343 --> 00:59:01,073
I'm driving nine hours. How am
I not coming off desperate?

830
00:59:01,145 --> 00:59:05,172
- We had shit to do. - Uh-oh!
- See that creamy stuff?

831
00:59:06,084 --> 00:59:08,848
You blew your head gasket.
That's not good.

832
00:59:08,920 --> 00:59:11,445
- Shit. - Don't cry.
- We can fix it.

833
00:59:11,523 --> 00:59:13,650
- Really? - Yeah, really.
- We're good at it.

834
00:59:13,725 --> 00:59:15,249
- Yeah? - Yeah. I didn't
mean to undersell it,

835
00:59:15,326 --> 00:59:16,486
but it's an impressive thing.

836
00:59:16,528 --> 00:59:18,359
- Yeah. We'll fix it.
- Wow, that'd be cool.

837
00:59:18,429 --> 00:59:22,661
Yeah, would be cool, wouldn't it? I
might be the coolest guy you ever met.

838
00:59:22,734 --> 00:59:23,962
- Wow.
- Wow.

839
00:59:24,969 --> 00:59:26,561
- Thank you. - Yeah.
- You're welcome.

840
00:59:26,638 --> 00:59:29,232
That's what you say when
people do nice things for you.

841
00:59:29,307 --> 00:59:31,366
You know, there's a pretty big
shindig shaping up next door

842
00:59:31,442 --> 00:59:34,468
if you guys want to hang
there while we work on it.

843
00:59:34,546 --> 00:59:37,379
Take it easy while we
do all this for you.

844
00:59:40,018 --> 00:59:43,510
- Does he have an attitude?
- No, he's fucking with you.

845
00:59:44,389 --> 00:59:45,549
Okay.

846
00:59:46,925 --> 00:59:50,759
Just relax, man. I got a good
feeling about this, you know.

847
00:59:50,828 --> 00:59:52,261
You're gonna party
with the Amish.

848
00:59:52,330 --> 00:59:55,390
Yeah, I'm sure it's gonna be
one kick-ass quilting bee.

849
00:59:58,369 --> 00:59:59,859
What's up, man?

850
00:59:59,938 --> 01:00:05,001
- Hey.
- No f-ing way!

851
01:00:07,078 --> 01:00:12,015
When I'm home alone
I just can't stop myself.

852
01:00:12,684 --> 01:00:15,278
- This is insane!
- I know.

853
01:00:17,822 --> 01:00:24,785
<i>Signing off, "I'm all right in
bed, but I'm better with a pen".</i>

854
01:00:24,862 --> 01:00:29,856
<i>I'm all right in bed, but
I'm better with a pen.</i>

855
01:00:30,401 --> 01:00:35,464
<i>I'm all right in bed, but
I'm better with a pen.</i>

856
01:00:36,040 --> 01:00:41,535
<i>The kid was all right,
but it went to his head.</i>

857
01:00:49,253 --> 01:00:54,657
<i>Thank you, guys, very, very, very
much. You guys fucking rule, man.</i>

858
01:01:10,475 --> 01:01:14,206
Dude. Don't even bother. Your game
is not gonna work on that girl.

859
01:01:14,512 --> 01:01:18,642
What do you know about girls? I've
never even seen you with a girl.

860
01:01:19,384 --> 01:01:21,614
I'm gonna go check on the car.

861
01:01:27,592 --> 01:01:29,526
Yeah, fuck it. Let's dance.

862
01:01:29,961 --> 01:01:34,398
- Bite me. I'm not your consolation prize.
- Come on. Don't be hating.

863
01:01:39,070 --> 01:01:40,560
Fine.

864
01:01:52,285 --> 01:01:54,126
So at this point,
her panties are off,

865
01:01:54,151 --> 01:01:56,415
but I'm still apprehensive
about her husband being there,

866
01:01:56,487 --> 01:01:58,045
'cause he is just staring at me.

867
01:01:58,122 --> 01:02:03,822
Whoa! Hey, what is this?
Why are the seats out?

868
01:02:03,895 --> 01:02:06,227
Ian, do you know anything about
fixing these old Pontiacs?

869
01:02:06,297 --> 01:02:10,393
I don't care, okay? Ezekiel,
take all the pieces and just

870
01:02:10,468 --> 01:02:13,528
- put them back in there. I don't want...
- Ian, you've gotta calm down.

871
01:02:13,604 --> 01:02:15,004
Do you know any
breathing exercises?

872
01:02:15,006 --> 01:02:17,167
Because you are right on
the verge of a freak-out.

873
01:02:17,241 --> 01:02:22,042
You don't know my brother, okay? He's gonna
fuck my ass with a roll of quarters.

874
01:02:22,113 --> 01:02:25,742
What? He's gonna what?
With what?

875
01:02:25,816 --> 01:02:30,583
Oh, yeah! He's gonna go get off work
early, and he's gonna walk into the bank,

876
01:02:30,655 --> 01:02:32,748
stand in line, change a 10,

877
01:02:32,890 --> 01:02:36,724
find my ass and just fuck it
with a roll of fucking quarters.

878
01:02:51,809 --> 01:02:53,606
Yeah, witness sucks!

879
01:02:55,179 --> 01:02:57,841
We've got to get that
guy laid tonight.

880
01:02:58,282 --> 01:03:00,409
Is your sister still a slut?

881
01:03:25,676 --> 01:03:30,010
Check it out. It's
totally working.

882
01:03:30,081 --> 01:03:32,311
You're the best wing-man ever.

883
01:03:32,383 --> 01:03:34,908
She's in, she's in. Watch this.

884
01:03:45,062 --> 01:03:48,327
Rumspringa! Whoo!

885
01:03:50,201 --> 01:03:52,533
- I took a wicked digger.
- Yes, you did.

886
01:03:52,603 --> 01:03:55,094
I think you may have had a little too
much to drink. Maybe you should...

887
01:03:55,172 --> 01:04:00,371
Maybe you should shut your face hole
'cause I've only had one beer ever.

888
01:04:03,948 --> 01:04:06,781
- First day of Rumspringa?
- Rumspringa!

889
01:04:09,920 --> 01:04:11,512
- Uh-oh!
- Oh!

890
01:04:14,091 --> 01:04:15,183
Hey.

891
01:04:17,395 --> 01:04:22,992
- All right. Okay. You good? All right.
- Aw! You guys are so nice.

892
01:04:23,067 --> 01:04:25,058
Don't let her step in it.

893
01:04:26,771 --> 01:04:30,502
I love you guys 'cause
you're awesome.

894
01:04:30,574 --> 01:04:32,405
'Cause you're awesome.

895
01:04:33,144 --> 01:04:36,170
Let's just find a safe
place to sleep it off.

896
01:04:37,148 --> 01:04:40,242
What? What's wrong with you?

897
01:04:40,484 --> 01:04:44,250
- Yeah, what's your problem, bitch?
- Nothing. I'm fine.

898
01:04:44,388 --> 01:04:47,414
Nothing. She's fine.
God, lay off.

899
01:04:47,725 --> 01:04:49,158
- It's Lance, right?
- No.

900
01:04:49,226 --> 01:04:51,592
I'll bet he's in there with that
Amish girl and you're out here.

901
01:04:51,662 --> 01:04:52,686
Wrong.

902
01:04:52,763 --> 01:04:55,630
Come on, Leesh, just drop the
hard-ass thing for two minutes.

903
01:04:55,699 --> 01:04:59,328
You know. It's okay.
You're into Lance.

904
01:05:01,839 --> 01:05:05,206
- God, I'm such an idiot. - Look,
there's something about Lance.

905
01:05:06,343 --> 01:05:10,575
Everybody likes Lance.
I like Lance.

906
01:05:12,083 --> 01:05:15,018
Just promise me you won't
ever be like Lance.

907
01:05:16,954 --> 01:05:21,755
What is wrong with us? Let's
go have some fun. Come on.

908
01:05:22,293 --> 01:05:24,318
- No. No.
- No?

909
01:05:24,829 --> 01:05:29,766
Come on, we're young, and we're
Amish, and it's Rumspringa.

910
01:05:29,834 --> 01:05:31,324
Rumspringa!

911
01:05:58,629 --> 01:06:01,427
Ian, you little cock-sucker!

912
01:06:39,370 --> 01:06:40,394
Ah!

913
01:06:40,471 --> 01:06:43,133
Leesh, you're so stubborn.
Look at your feet.

914
01:06:43,207 --> 01:06:45,505
They are fine. All right?

915
01:06:47,011 --> 01:06:49,275
Hey. What's the plan?

916
01:06:50,614 --> 01:06:53,515
I might as well find
a phone and call Rex

917
01:06:54,285 --> 01:06:58,312
- so he can get on with killing me.
- What about visiting your grandma?

918
01:06:58,556 --> 01:07:02,014
Yeah, dude. You been putting off
visiting your grandma for too long.

919
01:07:02,092 --> 01:07:05,357
- It's about time you visited Grandma.
- Yeah.

920
01:07:05,429 --> 01:07:10,662
Lance, you know, I really do
want to visit my grandma, but...

921
01:07:10,734 --> 01:07:15,603
Dude, I really can't stress enough how
much you're gonna enjoy visiting Grandma.

922
01:07:15,973 --> 01:07:19,534
You know, I visit my grandma
sometimes two or three times a week,

923
01:07:19,610 --> 01:07:22,807
and it is always a pleasure.
She's just a delight.

924
01:07:22,947 --> 01:07:23,971
What am I supposed to do?

925
01:07:24,081 --> 01:07:26,379
Our transportation is all
over the floor of that barn.

926
01:07:26,450 --> 01:07:27,781
Hey, Mary!

927
01:07:30,154 --> 01:07:31,154
Hi.

928
01:07:34,925 --> 01:07:38,224
Wow, you look beautiful.

929
01:07:38,696 --> 01:07:39,924
Oh, please.

930
01:07:39,997 --> 01:07:45,230
I mean, seriously, you wearing
that, churning some butter. Sexy.

931
01:07:45,302 --> 01:07:48,032
So I had the best time
with you last night.

932
01:07:48,105 --> 01:07:49,538
Yeah, me, too.

933
01:07:49,607 --> 01:07:52,474
So you got my number. You're
gonna call me, right?

934
01:07:53,644 --> 01:07:54,838
No.

935
01:07:56,013 --> 01:07:58,743
"No. " You're funny.

936
01:07:59,483 --> 01:08:05,183
I mean, Lance, I really like you,
but Rumspringa's over for me.

937
01:08:06,023 --> 01:08:08,116
- So...
- Rumspringa!

938
01:08:14,398 --> 01:08:15,763
Sorry.

939
01:08:41,692 --> 01:08:42,886
You fixed it?

940
01:08:42,960 --> 01:08:46,452
Yeah, we hit a few snags, but
she's banging like a champ now.

941
01:08:46,530 --> 01:08:49,397
Man, I don't even... I don't
even know what to say here.

942
01:08:49,466 --> 01:08:51,866
You know, I don't
really have much...

943
01:08:51,935 --> 01:08:53,732
Oh, no, we're good. We're good.

944
01:08:53,804 --> 01:08:57,501
I mean, the opportunity to help
a neighbor, that's a gift.

945
01:08:57,875 --> 01:09:01,140
Man, you're too... Here, thanks.
Thank you so much.

946
01:09:01,211 --> 01:09:02,872
- You're welcome. - Thank
you, it's really cool.

947
01:09:02,946 --> 01:09:04,914
It is. You know, I mean,

948
01:09:04,982 --> 01:09:08,315
if you felt the need to
reciprocate in some way,

949
01:09:08,385 --> 01:09:10,785
I mean, there's a lot of chores
that need to be done around here.

950
01:09:10,854 --> 01:09:14,950
Yeah, no, the only thing about that is
we're kind of behind schedule right now.

951
01:09:15,025 --> 01:09:17,050
Yeah, but, I mean, we
could totally come back.

952
01:09:17,127 --> 01:09:19,425
- We could hit you on our
way back through. - Okay.

953
01:09:19,496 --> 01:09:22,124
Yeah, you should. You should
really get on the road.

954
01:09:22,199 --> 01:09:27,034
I mean, you got a smooth-running vehicle
now, you know, 'cause we fixed it.

955
01:09:27,104 --> 01:09:31,939
- Yeah. No, but it's... So we're good?
- We're good. Yeah, technically.

956
01:09:32,209 --> 01:09:34,404
I mean, we fixed your car for
free, and you're leaving.

957
01:09:34,478 --> 01:09:37,106
So I'd say that makes
us dead square.

958
01:09:38,515 --> 01:09:39,846
We'll come back. I promise.

959
01:09:39,917 --> 01:09:43,216
- I'm looking forward to that.
- Hey, no, seriously, we will.

960
01:09:43,287 --> 01:09:45,721
Okay. We'll all hold our
breath till you get back.

961
01:09:45,789 --> 01:09:48,883
On three, guys. Three, two...

962
01:09:58,569 --> 01:10:02,096
My stomach's killing me. Tell
me if you see a rest stop.

963
01:10:02,930 --> 01:10:04,450
You know, I really
feel sorry for Mary

964
01:10:04,475 --> 01:10:08,343
because her lifestyle is
keeping her from being happy.

965
01:10:08,412 --> 01:10:10,642
And that's no way to live.

966
01:10:10,714 --> 01:10:14,514
Lance, don't you know your little theory
of "People want what they can't get."

967
01:10:14,585 --> 01:10:17,019
That's all she is.
Ian, gas station.

968
01:10:17,087 --> 01:10:22,024
No. Felicia, this is different
okay, because she changed me.

969
01:10:22,092 --> 01:10:24,754
You know, I'm a butterfly
now because of her.

970
01:10:24,828 --> 01:10:29,424
Because when I'm with her, I was like
a spiritually whole human being.

971
01:10:29,500 --> 01:10:33,630
And if you don't believe
that, you can suck my dick.

972
01:10:53,657 --> 01:10:56,649
Fuck. I know you didn't
take my car, Ian.

973
01:10:56,894 --> 01:10:58,735
'Cause you're a big, giant
pussy. That's right.

974
01:10:58,762 --> 01:11:02,493
I'm gonna lift up this door and my
big fucking glorious bitchy Judge

975
01:11:02,566 --> 01:11:05,228
is gonna be sitting right
there gleaming at me,

976
01:11:05,302 --> 01:11:08,362
or I'm gonna have the fucking
neighborhood squirrels eat your asshole.

977
01:11:25,956 --> 01:11:27,116
Want some of this?

978
01:11:32,663 --> 01:11:34,358
He took my fucking baby.

979
01:11:36,366 --> 01:11:37,697
Cocksucker!

980
01:11:41,872 --> 01:11:42,930
Shit!

981
01:11:43,006 --> 01:11:46,669
Hey, Knievel, what say you get your
bike out of the fricking road?

982
01:11:46,810 --> 01:11:49,301
Hey! Hey!

983
01:12:08,532 --> 01:12:10,329
All <i>ocupado,</i> sport?

984
01:12:15,606 --> 01:12:18,404
Sounds like someone's
got one in sideways.

985
01:12:24,281 --> 01:12:25,475
Gents.

986
01:12:26,083 --> 01:12:30,281
Well, looks like we're up.
Go on, get in there.

987
01:12:38,829 --> 01:12:39,829
Oh!

988
01:12:40,764 --> 01:12:42,595
Am I getting a signal?

989
01:12:44,167 --> 01:12:47,398
Tasty, I got sidetracked
last night.

990
01:12:48,472 --> 01:12:51,498
I had to party with
some new homies.

991
01:12:54,244 --> 01:12:58,442
Tonight, 8:00 p. M. at Big Boy.

992
01:13:00,150 --> 01:13:01,913
I'm worth the wait.

993
01:13:06,823 --> 01:13:07,823
Yes!

994
01:13:15,933 --> 01:13:19,960
No! Oh, God! No, thank you!
No, thank you!

995
01:13:23,040 --> 01:13:26,567
Hello? Little buddy? Hello.

996
01:13:28,378 --> 01:13:30,312
Spooner. Spooner. Spooner.

997
01:13:32,983 --> 01:13:36,646
- Was that you screaming in there?
- I don't want to talk about it. Ever.

998
01:13:36,720 --> 01:13:39,746
- Where's Felicia? - She
went to get corn dogs.

999
01:14:04,948 --> 01:14:07,246
Can you believe the
girls around here, man?

1000
01:14:07,317 --> 01:14:11,310
But, man, where am I ever gonna
find another girl as cool as Mary?

1001
01:14:14,524 --> 01:14:15,923
You like it?

1002
01:14:20,697 --> 01:14:23,257
- What about Felicia?
- What about her?

1003
01:14:26,703 --> 01:14:30,434
- She's into you. - Yeah,
no shit. Get in line.

1004
01:14:30,507 --> 01:14:33,237
What is that? She's not
good enough for you?

1005
01:14:33,310 --> 01:14:35,244
Felicia's awesome,

1006
01:14:35,312 --> 01:14:38,440
but the obvious statement to
make here is that you like her.

1007
01:14:39,282 --> 01:14:43,776
- What? No, I... - You're
shocked. You can't believe it.

1008
01:14:43,854 --> 01:14:48,257
- This bombshell. Come on. - You
know, she's not into me anyways.

1009
01:14:48,325 --> 01:14:52,386
Yeah, I know. But it doesn't matter. I
still... I could never do that to you.

1010
01:14:53,764 --> 01:14:57,598
Okay, but you do know that
she's not into you, right?

1011
01:14:57,668 --> 01:15:02,128
- Yeah. Well, maybe you don't know.
- No. No, no, I'm gonna stop you.

1012
01:15:02,205 --> 01:15:06,665
There's no maybe. Okay? And I'm
saying this as your best friend,

1013
01:15:06,743 --> 01:15:12,340
but never. Never fucking ever.
You know?

1014
01:15:12,416 --> 01:15:13,678
Because you guys are friends.

1015
01:15:13,750 --> 01:15:17,481
You know what every girl I've
ever banged had in common?

1016
01:15:18,622 --> 01:15:20,852
I wasn't friends
with any of them.

1017
01:15:20,924 --> 01:15:24,382
And usually they have awesome
tits, but not always.

1018
01:15:25,228 --> 01:15:28,129
Sometimes you get that
bronze medal, you know?

1019
01:15:28,198 --> 01:15:31,656
Real simple. Climb the rope,
hit the bell, win a prize.

1020
01:15:31,735 --> 01:15:35,262
Hey, there, Bilbo Baggins,
there's no height requirement.

1021
01:15:35,372 --> 01:15:39,103
Why don't you step up and win
your girlfriend a prize?

1022
01:15:39,176 --> 01:15:41,440
We're not... She's
not my girlfriend.

1023
01:15:41,511 --> 01:15:44,605
- What about your other girlfriend there?
- Nice.

1024
01:16:02,265 --> 01:16:04,062
All right, come on, Ian.
You can do it.

1025
01:16:04,134 --> 01:16:07,297
Come on, you're almost there!
You're almost there! Go, go, go!

1026
01:16:07,504 --> 01:16:09,301
<i>Winner!
Winner! Winner!</i>

1027
01:16:10,674 --> 01:16:13,074
- That was awesome. - How
the hell did you do that?

1028
01:16:13,143 --> 01:16:15,338
We had one of these at Cub Scout
camp. I kind of mastered it.

1029
01:16:15,412 --> 01:16:17,437
Yeah, you think you're hot shit?

1030
01:16:19,483 --> 01:16:22,418
- Lolly?
- Thank you.

1031
01:16:26,156 --> 01:16:27,885
Hey, hey, hey, ass.

1032
01:16:31,428 --> 01:16:33,419
Hey. What's your secret?

1033
01:16:33,497 --> 01:16:36,330
You just... If you keep
your shoulders down...

1034
01:16:36,399 --> 01:16:39,061
- No coaching.
- What?

1035
01:16:39,469 --> 01:16:41,835
No coaching there, Lombardi.
Read the sign.

1036
01:16:43,106 --> 01:16:44,505
No coaching.

1037
01:16:46,843 --> 01:16:48,470
Cheese and rice!

1038
01:16:49,012 --> 01:16:50,012
Oh!

1039
01:16:51,448 --> 01:16:54,815
- Thanks. I'm Sandy.
- I'm Ian.

1040
01:16:55,385 --> 01:16:56,647
- Hi.
- Hey.

1041
01:17:00,624 --> 01:17:04,822
- Consolation prize? - Wow!
- Thank you so much.

1042
01:17:04,895 --> 01:17:07,591
You know, my dance team's performing
over at the tent in a couple of minutes.

1043
01:17:07,664 --> 01:17:09,029
You guys should come watch.

1044
01:17:09,099 --> 01:17:11,932
- Actually, we were just about to go.
- That sounds super fun. He'll be there.

1045
01:17:12,002 --> 01:17:13,663
Great. See you.

1046
01:17:14,905 --> 01:17:17,135
Dude, that girl reeks of sex.

1047
01:17:17,974 --> 01:17:19,464
- Really?
- Yeah.

1048
01:17:19,709 --> 01:17:22,872
Hey, Harry Potter, take you and
your girlfriends out of here.

1049
01:17:24,648 --> 01:17:28,379
What are you looking at, Ellen
DeGeneres? I will crush you.

1050
01:17:28,985 --> 01:17:31,579
That's right. I'm not
afraid to hit a lady.

1051
01:17:33,456 --> 01:17:36,550
Everybody's talking
all this stuff about me.

1052
01:17:37,093 --> 01:17:40,119
<i>Why don't they
just let me live?</i>

1053
01:17:41,431 --> 01:17:42,864
<i>I don't need permission.</i>

1054
01:17:42,933 --> 01:17:44,833
- Do we really have time for...
- Hey, hey.

1055
01:17:44,901 --> 01:17:46,562
You have to stop
doing that to him.

1056
01:17:46,636 --> 01:17:48,570
- Doing what?
- Twat blocking.

1057
01:17:48,638 --> 01:17:51,801
I'm not twat... Doing that.

1058
01:18:00,684 --> 01:18:04,984
<i>Yeah! Let's give it up
for the AX Dancers!</i>

1059
01:18:06,089 --> 01:18:09,422
<i>Come on, girls, let's help me
get some fellas up in here.</i>

1060
01:18:11,294 --> 01:18:12,556
- Ian.
- Oh, no. Please.

1061
01:18:12,629 --> 01:18:14,688
Get up there. Come on.

1062
01:18:14,764 --> 01:18:16,026
Come on!

1063
01:18:16,900 --> 01:18:18,629
<i>In the back! In the back!</i>

1064
01:18:18,935 --> 01:18:21,028
<i>Yeah!</i>

1065
01:18:24,307 --> 01:18:26,298
<i>Come on, two more, two more!</i>

1066
01:18:28,411 --> 01:18:29,411
<i>Yeah!</i>

1067
01:18:32,415 --> 01:18:33,939
Dude, turn around.

1068
01:18:42,292 --> 01:18:47,696
<i>Look at this fine crop of
handsome fellas I got here.</i>

1069
01:18:49,399 --> 01:18:52,095
<i>But before we get
down to business,</i>

1070
01:18:52,168 --> 01:18:53,692
<i>there's a young woman here</i>

1071
01:18:53,770 --> 01:18:56,762
<i>who would like to share her
story with these young men.</i>

1072
01:18:56,840 --> 01:19:00,833
- <i>Kristy, you ready, baby?
- Okay.</i>

1073
01:19:03,680 --> 01:19:07,946
<i>So, last year I was at a
dance with my boyfriend.</i>

1074
01:19:08,018 --> 01:19:10,111
<i>He wanted to go to his car.</i>

1075
01:19:10,787 --> 01:19:12,049
<i>So I did.</i>

1076
01:19:12,589 --> 01:19:18,084
<i>So we were both naked in the back
seat and we started having oral...</i>

1077
01:19:42,419 --> 01:19:44,011
<i>MAN IMITATING SOUL
Yeah!</i>

1078
01:19:57,100 --> 01:19:59,034
<i>Daddy likes that!</i>

1079
01:20:01,471 --> 01:20:02,563
Excuse me!

1080
01:20:02,973 --> 01:20:08,343
<i>Excuse me! Is this tragic
story turning you on?</i>

1081
01:20:18,288 --> 01:20:23,555
<i>This courageous young lady pours her
heart out and this is getting you hot?</i>

1082
01:20:24,227 --> 01:20:26,593
<i>It's time for you to pledge.
Right now!</i>

1083
01:20:27,097 --> 01:20:29,964
<i>Boy, you need this
more than anybody.</i>

1084
01:20:31,334 --> 01:20:33,495
Hey, keep a wrinkle
in it, captain.

1085
01:20:34,971 --> 01:20:39,431
I can't believe you took a fucking
abstinence pledge with a hard-on.

1086
01:20:39,609 --> 01:20:40,667
It's classic.

1087
01:20:40,744 --> 01:20:43,941
Look, I didn't even know what she was
talking about. That doesn't count! Okay?

1088
01:20:44,014 --> 01:20:45,879
- Ian! Hey!
- It gets better.

1089
01:20:45,949 --> 01:20:47,849
I am so proud of you!

1090
01:20:48,351 --> 01:20:49,943
Get away from me. Is
that what you do?

1091
01:20:50,020 --> 01:20:53,353
You go out and you lure little dorks like
me into your little no-having-sex club?

1092
01:20:53,423 --> 01:20:55,414
Ian, it's not like that at all.

1093
01:20:55,492 --> 01:20:58,154
Just go away. Now.

1094
01:21:01,998 --> 01:21:04,933
- I would've eaten your asshole, you know.
- Really?

1095
01:21:05,001 --> 01:21:06,093
- Oh, man.
- Wow.

1096
01:21:06,169 --> 01:21:09,229
You can keep your stupid
flipping lollipop, anyway!

1097
01:21:11,975 --> 01:21:14,239
- You are dead, psycho-virgin!
- No, no!

1098
01:21:14,310 --> 01:21:16,244
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

1099
01:21:19,315 --> 01:21:23,752
Hey, are you sure you want to get
dental work done in Floater, Kentucky?

1100
01:21:24,854 --> 01:21:27,220
Dr. Teddescoe will be
with you present-like.

1101
01:21:27,290 --> 01:21:28,780
- Thank you.
- Welcome.

1102
01:21:41,738 --> 01:21:45,037
Fine, okay, you were right.
My feet are killing me,

1103
01:21:45,108 --> 01:21:47,736
and I never should've
tossed my shoes.

1104
01:21:48,044 --> 01:21:51,946
No, come on. I love that
your shoes are in that tree.

1105
01:21:54,651 --> 01:21:57,586
I do. That's premium Felicia.

1106
01:21:58,822 --> 01:22:00,312
Felicia Alpine.

1107
01:22:01,357 --> 01:22:02,357
Oh.

1108
01:22:03,193 --> 01:22:07,391
- So what'd you do to her?
- Hmm?

1109
01:22:07,464 --> 01:22:08,664
Smack her around a little bit?

1110
01:22:08,898 --> 01:22:10,798
She gets out of line,
you pop her one?

1111
01:22:10,867 --> 01:22:14,530
- No. No, Sir, I... - I got you.
- I'm just teasing you, man.

1112
01:22:14,604 --> 01:22:16,196
We have fun.

1113
01:22:17,173 --> 01:22:19,232
- He didn't, though, did he?
- Hmm? Mmm-mmm.

1114
01:22:19,309 --> 01:22:21,800
Blink twice if you
feel you're in danger.

1115
01:22:22,770 --> 01:22:25,290
Be back in a couple minutes. I'm
gonna wait for that to numb up.

1116
01:22:25,315 --> 01:22:26,339
Mmm-hmm.

1117
01:22:26,416 --> 01:22:28,441
Hands to yourself, O.J.

1118
01:22:30,453 --> 01:22:34,514
Ian, you know the other
night at Lance's party?

1119
01:22:37,227 --> 01:22:40,253
- Was I there?
- No, come on.

1120
01:22:41,831 --> 01:22:43,696
Here.

1121
01:22:47,270 --> 01:22:53,231
I mean, you know the only reason is because
I don't want to ruin our friendship.

1122
01:22:54,444 --> 01:22:58,676
Totally, I mean friendship
is awesome. Good call.

1123
01:22:59,883 --> 01:23:03,979
I don't know what I'd
do if I ever lost you.

1124
01:23:11,561 --> 01:23:16,157
- You won't. - What are
you thinking about?

1125
01:23:18,535 --> 01:23:21,595
- What are you thinking about?
- I asked you first.

1126
01:23:26,142 --> 01:23:27,336
You got a little loogie.

1127
01:23:30,413 --> 01:23:32,438
I'm gonna go see if Lance...

1128
01:23:32,515 --> 01:23:33,539
Mmm-hmm.

1129
01:23:33,616 --> 01:23:35,174
Go. Go.

1130
01:23:47,397 --> 01:23:50,924
Um, I'll take these as well.

1131
01:23:55,138 --> 01:23:59,700
They're not for me. They're not.

1132
01:24:08,384 --> 01:24:11,148
- Heads up.
- What's with you?

1133
01:24:13,022 --> 01:24:15,081
I'm thinking maybe
we head back home.

1134
01:24:15,158 --> 01:24:16,921
What? Why?

1135
01:24:17,160 --> 01:24:20,755
Well, Felicia and I
were talking in there,

1136
01:24:20,830 --> 01:24:24,561
- and we kind of had a moment. - Oh!
- Oh, did you guys have a little moment?

1137
01:24:24,634 --> 01:24:26,226
- Yeah.
- You're a moron.

1138
01:24:26,869 --> 01:24:29,394
Fuck you. We've
talked about this.

1139
01:24:29,706 --> 01:24:32,869
Look, we're almost there, and
I'm not letting her do this.

1140
01:24:32,976 --> 01:24:36,002
We're going to Knoxville, and
you're getting your nut.

1141
01:24:36,713 --> 01:24:38,806
No, I'm not. I'm not.

1142
01:24:38,881 --> 01:24:41,679
No, I'm gonna text Tasty, and I'm
gonna tell her I'm not coming.

1143
01:24:41,751 --> 01:24:45,016
- Ian, get in this car. - I'm
not doing it. I'm not doing it.

1144
01:24:45,488 --> 01:24:50,016
Shit, where's my phone?
Hey, you got a new smile.

1145
01:24:50,093 --> 01:24:53,392
You have my phone. I didn't
know... This is for you.

1146
01:24:55,031 --> 01:24:56,328
Mmm! A message came in.

1147
01:24:56,532 --> 01:24:59,433
Your grandma says she's
really excited to see you.

1148
01:24:59,502 --> 01:25:01,834
And something about her
hot, shaved pussy.

1149
01:25:01,904 --> 01:25:03,235
Must be the cancer talking.

1150
01:25:04,407 --> 01:25:07,376
All right. Good deal.
We're going to Knoxville.

1151
01:25:11,214 --> 01:25:13,214
All I've got is frustration, frustration.

1152
01:25:15,551 --> 01:25:18,748
<i>I hate this vacation.</i>

1153
01:25:19,389 --> 01:25:21,857
<i>So, give up, give up
Give up, give up.</i>

1154
01:25:23,059 --> 01:25:26,722
<i>I've got to get away from here It's
killing me just thinking 'bout.</i>

1155
01:25:26,796 --> 01:25:31,733
<i>Frustration, frustration
I hate this vacation...</i>

1156
01:25:31,801 --> 01:25:34,269
Ian, you're going the wrong way.

1157
01:25:34,537 --> 01:25:36,505
- We're going home.
- What?

1158
01:25:37,073 --> 01:25:40,065
Please, do not turn around
because of me. Okay.

1159
01:25:40,143 --> 01:25:42,475
- Yeah, no shit. - I'm
dying to see Ms. Tasty.

1160
01:25:42,545 --> 01:25:43,910
This is going to be hilarious.

1161
01:25:43,980 --> 01:25:46,448
A hundred bucks says
she has a wiener.

1162
01:25:46,516 --> 01:25:49,417
Look, I said we're going home.
I don't want to talk about it.

1163
01:25:49,485 --> 01:25:51,077
I knew you'd find some way
to fuck this up for him.

1164
01:25:51,154 --> 01:25:54,555
Me? You two are fucking scheming
behind my back.

1165
01:25:54,624 --> 01:25:56,990
- No, we're not. - Okay.
- You stole Rex's car.

1166
01:25:57,060 --> 01:25:58,755
You drove halfway
across the country.

1167
01:25:58,828 --> 01:26:01,820
This must be what you want to
do. So do it, chicken shit!

1168
01:26:01,898 --> 01:26:04,298
- Fucking A, chicken shit.
- Fine! You know what?

1169
01:26:04,367 --> 01:26:07,359
I'll turn the car around, I'll flip a bitch,
and I'll go pork somebody. Right now.

1170
01:26:07,437 --> 01:26:08,904
I'll be that guy. Is
that what you want?

1171
01:26:08,971 --> 01:26:10,768
- Be that guy! That guy rules.
- Sounds awesome.

1172
01:26:10,840 --> 01:26:14,435
- That would make me so happy. - All right.
- All right. Fantastic! I'm doing it.

1173
01:26:14,610 --> 01:26:17,545
- Watch out, Ian! Fuck!
- Watch it, Ian!

1174
01:26:19,749 --> 01:26:20,875
Whoo!

1175
01:26:22,051 --> 01:26:24,576
You like that? - Did
your fucking balls just drop?

1176
01:26:24,654 --> 01:26:26,144
Holy shit, Ian.

1177
01:26:27,090 --> 01:26:33,791
- Oh, man, it's this douche again.
- You want it? You got it.

1178
01:26:34,274 --> 01:26:36,874
- Hold on to your pantyhose. - Okay,
we gotta work on your banter,

1179
01:26:36,899 --> 01:26:39,129
but otherwise, this is awesome.

1180
01:26:42,071 --> 01:26:44,869
- You're losing him. - No,
I got him. I got him.

1181
01:26:47,276 --> 01:26:51,007
- Jesus, Ian! Not so close.
- God damn it!

1182
01:26:55,585 --> 01:26:57,553
No way, man! You're dead.

1183
01:26:59,555 --> 01:27:01,455
Sorry. He's all right.

1184
01:27:02,058 --> 01:27:04,652
This guy's
fucking dangerous!

1185
01:27:10,199 --> 01:27:11,894
Where is he? Talk to me, dudes.

1186
01:27:12,001 --> 01:27:14,595
Right up our ass.
He's in our ass.

1187
01:27:19,275 --> 01:27:22,472
- He's tagging out.
- Ladies!

1188
01:27:22,545 --> 01:27:23,569
Ian, look out!

1189
01:27:29,819 --> 01:27:31,116
Oh! Oh!

1190
01:27:31,187 --> 01:27:32,347
God damn it.

1191
01:27:34,123 --> 01:27:37,854
What were you doing, man? Shit.

1192
01:27:39,039 --> 01:27:42,039
Dude, take it easy. This wasn't your
fault. He jumped right in front of you.

1193
01:27:42,064 --> 01:27:44,999
Just shut up, Lance. Of
course it's my fault.

1194
01:27:45,334 --> 01:27:46,801
Now, come on, man, this
possum's not gonna fuck you.

1195
01:27:46,869 --> 01:27:48,427
We gotta go find Ms. Tasty.

1196
01:27:48,504 --> 01:27:52,873
He's suffering, Lance. I'm not gonna
leave him here by himself. Okay?

1197
01:27:54,143 --> 01:27:56,873
Okay. You're right.

1198
01:27:58,815 --> 01:28:02,114
We gotta help him. We gotta
call a vet or something.

1199
01:28:02,652 --> 01:28:07,715
Ian, look at him. There's
not a lot that we can do.

1200
01:28:09,250 --> 01:28:12,170
You may want to cover your eyes,
sweetheart, there could be some splatter.

1201
01:28:12,195 --> 01:28:15,358
- What the fuck are you doing? - I'm
gonna take him out of his misery.

1202
01:28:15,431 --> 01:28:18,958
They don't make little wheelchairs
for him. He's done, man.

1203
01:28:19,035 --> 01:28:22,801
Fuck you, Lance. God, you
don't even give a shit about him.

1204
01:28:24,073 --> 01:28:25,438
I'll do it.

1205
01:28:34,650 --> 01:28:35,981
I'm sorry.

1206
01:28:40,223 --> 01:28:42,020
All possums go to heaven.

1207
01:28:43,259 --> 01:28:49,061
Uh... Ian. It... I
think it's still...

1208
01:28:50,199 --> 01:28:51,598
Shit.

1209
01:28:58,774 --> 01:29:00,708
Oh, no.

1210
01:29:01,444 --> 01:29:04,675
Ian, I'm so sorry, it's...

1211
01:29:04,747 --> 01:29:10,708
Oh, God! Jesus fucking... God damn it!
I'm trying to do the right thing here.

1212
01:29:11,387 --> 01:29:16,086
- He's really hanging in there.
- God! Fuck!

1213
01:29:17,026 --> 01:29:20,985
You know, Jamie Lynn Spears' baby
has got to be about a year old now.

1214
01:29:21,063 --> 01:29:22,624
I can't believe she
had a fucking baby.

1215
01:29:30,189 --> 01:29:32,350
How was I supposed to know
it was an endangered possum?

1216
01:29:32,375 --> 01:29:35,037
You know, the vet said there's actually
a good chance he might pull through.

1217
01:29:35,111 --> 01:29:37,602
You better hope so, mister.
Get in.

1218
01:29:39,715 --> 01:29:41,205
Lock up cell B.

1219
01:29:47,123 --> 01:29:48,647
We are in jail.

1220
01:29:57,824 --> 01:30:00,945
Okay, listen, you have got to be cool,
'cause if they see you shitting yourself

1221
01:30:00,970 --> 01:30:02,051
they're gonna fuck with us.

1222
01:30:02,104 --> 01:30:04,095
Hey! Hey, ladies.

1223
01:30:04,340 --> 01:30:07,901
Hey, how about you sit the fuck back
down before me and you have a problem?

1224
01:30:07,977 --> 01:30:11,708
How about you just chill
out, man? Be cool.

1225
01:30:11,781 --> 01:30:14,306
- All right. We good?
- Yeah, we're good.

1226
01:30:25,928 --> 01:30:30,797
- Excuse me. - Listen, old man,
I'm only gonna tell you...

1227
01:30:32,602 --> 01:30:34,968
You should've seen the
look in his eyes.

1228
01:30:35,538 --> 01:30:38,371
His heart was breaking for
this poor little thing.

1229
01:30:38,608 --> 01:30:43,307
Shit, that boy Ian don't seem
like he got no balls at all.

1230
01:30:43,379 --> 01:30:47,179
Why? 'Cause he got to fussing
some over a suffering critter?

1231
01:30:47,650 --> 01:30:49,675
I think that's real sweet.

1232
01:30:49,752 --> 01:30:53,017
Well, I say this Lance, he
sounds like a real hunk of man.

1233
01:30:53,522 --> 01:30:57,117
The only way you can keep his kind around
is to get his babies up in you pronto.

1234
01:30:57,193 --> 01:30:59,627
But he got no respect
for bitches.

1235
01:31:00,463 --> 01:31:05,162
Shathayd's right. No respect
for bitches. None whatsoever.

1236
01:31:06,402 --> 01:31:08,836
You love Ian, don't you, baby?

1237
01:31:11,907 --> 01:31:16,469
Well, it's just we've been best
friends since we were really little,

1238
01:31:16,946 --> 01:31:20,438
and I don't know, he's the only person
I can really talk to, you know?

1239
01:31:20,750 --> 01:31:23,310
You give your heart to that boy,

1240
01:31:23,386 --> 01:31:28,756
and you can toss that "friendship"
right out the motherfucking window.

1241
01:31:28,824 --> 01:31:34,421
When I was a girl, my best friend was
a fella named Creighton McDaniel.

1242
01:31:35,398 --> 01:31:40,961
We used to stay up all night just
talking and laughing and carrying on.

1243
01:31:42,171 --> 01:31:46,870
Then one day I got it into my head
that we ought to be more than friends.

1244
01:31:46,942 --> 01:31:49,274
So I tell him I love him.

1245
01:31:49,812 --> 01:31:51,302
What happened?

1246
01:31:54,450 --> 01:31:56,145
We dated for a few weeks.

1247
01:31:57,319 --> 01:31:59,719
Then he met a gal
over in Wofford.

1248
01:32:01,090 --> 01:32:03,422
We still talk from time to time.

1249
01:32:04,593 --> 01:32:07,118
But it was never the
same between us.

1250
01:32:14,437 --> 01:32:20,740
Baby. Come here. Come on, now.
Come on, now.

1251
01:32:22,678 --> 01:32:26,045
You know you need a hug.
Come on, honey.

1252
01:32:27,483 --> 01:32:29,007
Cuddle up.

1253
01:32:33,089 --> 01:32:34,089
Dude.

1254
01:32:35,458 --> 01:32:39,087
- What? - Look, you're pissing
in front of everybody.

1255
01:32:41,864 --> 01:32:43,456
Yeah, I am.

1256
01:32:43,532 --> 01:32:46,831
- And that guy's looking right
at your dick. - Atta-boy.

1257
01:32:49,105 --> 01:32:52,666
- Look at you. You're a new man.
- No, I'm not.

1258
01:32:52,875 --> 01:32:57,539
Dude. You stole a car,
ran over a hillbilly,

1259
01:32:57,613 --> 01:33:00,639
you got arrested, you
got in a prison fight.

1260
01:33:01,417 --> 01:33:03,317
See Duane, he was there.

1261
01:33:03,385 --> 01:33:06,013
And I mean, you really beat an
endangered species to death today.

1262
01:33:06,088 --> 01:33:07,749
That's got to count
for something.

1263
01:33:07,823 --> 01:33:12,055
And now you're in here in jail pissing like
a big dog in front of all the perverts.

1264
01:33:12,128 --> 01:33:13,755
I mean, there's only
one thing left.

1265
01:33:13,829 --> 01:33:17,094
Yeah, well, that's out. I was
supposed to meet her two hours ago.

1266
01:33:17,844 --> 01:33:20,244
Dude, when we get out of here,
just tell her you got pinched.

1267
01:33:20,269 --> 01:33:23,568
She'll think that's bad-ass,
because it totally is.

1268
01:33:24,573 --> 01:33:27,599
Lafferty, Nesbitt, your
bail has been posted.

1269
01:33:27,810 --> 01:33:28,834
Really?

1270
01:33:29,011 --> 01:33:33,038
- Time to go.
- Shit!

1271
01:33:33,115 --> 01:33:35,549
- What?
- Rex.

1272
01:33:35,851 --> 01:33:36,851
Oh.

1273
01:33:38,988 --> 01:33:41,115
All right, this is
it for us, Duane,

1274
01:33:41,190 --> 01:33:43,021
but, you know, back to what we
were talking about earlier,

1275
01:33:43,092 --> 01:33:45,185
I don't give a shit
what Denise says,

1276
01:33:45,261 --> 01:33:47,855
I think there's still room for somebody
to write the great American novel.

1277
01:33:47,930 --> 01:33:50,956
So take that for whatever
it's worth, buddy.

1278
01:33:59,308 --> 01:34:00,400
Hey.

1279
01:34:02,178 --> 01:34:03,668
Mary!

1280
01:34:08,517 --> 01:34:10,451
Wait. Wait. How did you find me?

1281
01:34:10,519 --> 01:34:13,545
Well, I called your cell phone,
and then someone answered here.

1282
01:34:13,622 --> 01:34:18,992
- That's awesome. Okay. - Are
you okay? Why are you in jail?

1283
01:34:20,966 --> 01:34:22,406
I mean, there's a
number of charges,

1284
01:34:22,431 --> 01:34:24,626
but the most prominent
ones were animal cruelty

1285
01:34:24,700 --> 01:34:26,759
and the assaulting the officer.

1286
01:34:26,836 --> 01:34:29,436
But it's not nearly as bad as it
sounds on paper, okay? I promise.

1287
01:34:29,471 --> 01:34:32,531
- Okay. - Okay. Wait right here.
- Okay.

1288
01:34:34,376 --> 01:34:35,866
- Teddy.
- Lance, my man.

1289
01:34:35,945 --> 01:34:38,209
- You guys got my stuff?
- It's gonna be a few minutes.

1290
01:34:38,280 --> 01:34:39,338
All right.

1291
01:34:39,415 --> 01:34:41,212
- Your daughter still selling
those cookies? - Yes.

1292
01:34:41,283 --> 01:34:43,911
You find me that
wallet, I'll buy one.

1293
01:34:43,986 --> 01:34:46,011
- That'd be nice of you.
- How is she now?

1294
01:34:46,088 --> 01:34:50,115
I'm just fucking with you. I don't
need one more charge brought.

1295
01:35:16,819 --> 01:35:20,084
You can't know, oh, no
You can't know.

1296
01:35:20,155 --> 01:35:25,787
<i>How much I think
about you, no.</i>

1297
01:35:26,896 --> 01:35:29,956
<i>It's making my head spin.</i>

1298
01:35:33,135 --> 01:35:36,593
<i>Looking at you And you
are looking at me.</i>

1299
01:35:36,672 --> 01:35:40,233
<i>And we both know what we want.</i>

1300
01:35:43,245 --> 01:35:45,213
<i>So close to giving in</i>

1301
01:35:47,016 --> 01:35:53,922
Ian, don't do this. No, don't turn
into Lance. You're a good guy.

1302
01:35:54,590 --> 01:35:56,854
Yeah, well, that's why
I'm still a virgin.

1303
01:35:56,926 --> 01:36:01,727
So what if you're a virgin? God,
Ian, it's just sex. It's not...

1304
01:36:01,797 --> 01:36:06,962
No, Felicia, it's not about
the sex. It's not. I'm weird.

1305
01:36:07,036 --> 01:36:10,733
I'm the only virgin I know.
I need to get this done

1306
01:36:11,440 --> 01:36:14,341
so everyone can just stop
freaking out about it.

1307
01:36:14,743 --> 01:36:17,610
Look, I know you don't approve,
but I'm sorry, I just...

1308
01:36:17,680 --> 01:36:19,272
I'm not going home a virgin.

1309
01:36:19,348 --> 01:36:21,213
Then, sport, fuck me.

1310
01:36:23,619 --> 01:36:24,779
What?

1311
01:36:26,622 --> 01:36:29,284
Sport, fuck me and
not some stranger.

1312
01:36:30,459 --> 01:36:33,917
We're friends so you know you're
not gonna get some, like,

1313
01:36:33,996 --> 01:36:38,262
crabs or genital warts or some
pussing thing that's coming...

1314
01:36:38,334 --> 01:36:40,859
Wow, Leesh. That's hot!

1315
01:36:43,238 --> 01:36:44,796
You know what?

1316
01:36:45,808 --> 01:36:49,904
I think I'd rather stay a virgin
forever than lose it on pity-sex.

1317
01:36:50,546 --> 01:36:53,481
- I'm not talking about pity-sex.
- Then what are you talking about?

1318
01:36:53,549 --> 01:36:56,677
I don't know. Sex.

1319
01:36:57,386 --> 01:37:03,382
It doesn't have to mean anything. It
doesn't have to jeopardize our friendship.

1320
01:37:03,792 --> 01:37:04,816
Ah!

1321
01:37:04,893 --> 01:37:07,623
Leesh, you know what?
Fuck the friendship!

1322
01:37:08,464 --> 01:37:10,227
I'm sorry, I just can't do it.

1323
01:37:10,299 --> 01:37:14,429
I can't be the guy that you're gonna talk to
about your boyfriends anymore. I can't...

1324
01:37:14,486 --> 01:37:17,247
I can't be the guy who's gonna pick
you up in the middle of the night,

1325
01:37:17,272 --> 01:37:21,641
and you're gonna cry to because Derrick
Dicottes found some other girl.

1326
01:37:22,845 --> 01:37:26,872
And maybe I'm just being selfish
here, but it is not enough.

1327
01:37:26,949 --> 01:37:30,350
Okay, so I'm gonna go out that door,
and I'm gonna go have meaningless sex

1328
01:37:30,419 --> 01:37:35,516
with some random, hopefully hot, hopefully
female person that I met on the Internet.

1329
01:37:37,593 --> 01:37:40,323
Unless you've got something
better to say to me.

1330
01:37:57,646 --> 01:37:59,511
That's what I thought.

1331
01:38:28,610 --> 01:38:30,100
Cyclops.

1332
01:38:33,515 --> 01:38:37,349
- How'd you find me? - You ever
heard of LoJack, cheese-dick?

1333
01:38:42,758 --> 01:38:43,850
Come here.

1334
01:38:43,959 --> 01:38:46,792
Burn that mother down, y'all.

1335
01:38:47,029 --> 01:38:48,428
<i>Burn, baby, burn.</i>

1336
01:38:48,664 --> 01:38:50,495
<i>Disco inferno.</i>

1337
01:38:50,599 --> 01:38:52,089
<i>Burn, baby, burn.</i>

1338
01:38:52,167 --> 01:38:53,191
<i>Burn that mother down.</i>

1339
01:38:53,268 --> 01:38:56,101
Come on, Rex, wait. The girl... The one
I told you about from the Internet.

1340
01:38:56,171 --> 01:38:59,572
She's right across the street, Rex. She
wants to do it with me and everything.

1341
01:38:59,641 --> 01:39:01,370
Like I give a shit!

1342
01:39:14,223 --> 01:39:16,123
Get your shit, queer-bait!
We're going home.

1343
01:39:16,191 --> 01:39:17,852
Okay. Okay, fine.

1344
01:39:18,127 --> 01:39:20,118
Now!

1345
01:39:20,195 --> 01:39:22,095
It probably wouldn't
have changed

1346
01:39:22,164 --> 01:39:25,622
all these feelings that I've
been having lately anyway.

1347
01:39:27,236 --> 01:39:29,727
What are you talking about?

1348
01:39:29,805 --> 01:39:33,673
I don't know, Rex. You
know, just feelings,

1349
01:39:35,277 --> 01:39:40,271
curiosity about men.

1350
01:39:42,784 --> 01:39:44,411
Oh, shit, Ian!

1351
01:39:45,787 --> 01:39:50,815
I think you might be right. I
think I might be getting gay.

1352
01:39:51,026 --> 01:39:55,520
God damn it. Fuck!

1353
01:39:56,832 --> 01:40:00,131
But I just haven't had any
luck with girls, Rex.

1354
01:40:00,202 --> 01:40:04,161
No way! No way my little brother's
taking it in the chili ring.

1355
01:40:10,879 --> 01:40:14,076
All right, you take the car,

1356
01:40:14,983 --> 01:40:17,781
and you go bang the female woman
like the good Lord intended.

1357
01:40:17,853 --> 01:40:19,343
You've got one hour!

1358
01:40:20,255 --> 01:40:22,155
- Ian.
- Yeah?

1359
01:40:24,493 --> 01:40:26,358
Fill up the tank,
would you, buddy?

1360
01:40:26,428 --> 01:40:28,988
- Tank is at a little low.
- Yeah, thanks. - Right.

1361
01:40:51,053 --> 01:40:55,319
Hey, man. You looking
for somebody?

1362
01:40:59,261 --> 01:41:00,523
Ms. Tasty.

1363
01:41:01,830 --> 01:41:03,024
Ian?

1364
01:41:09,404 --> 01:41:12,635
Oh, my gosh! Hey.

1365
01:41:12,708 --> 01:41:15,040
I was sure you were
standing me up.

1366
01:41:16,478 --> 01:41:21,074
- But here you are.
- Look at you. - See you.

1367
01:41:21,149 --> 01:41:24,175
You look a little different
than your picture.

1368
01:41:24,253 --> 01:41:27,848
Yeah, I know. I lost a lot of weight
'cause I had the runs... The flu.

1369
01:41:29,491 --> 01:41:34,019
Well, you're mighty cute, and
your car is really pretty.

1370
01:41:34,896 --> 01:41:36,761
Why don't you take
me for a ride?

1371
01:41:42,537 --> 01:41:46,303
So, Ms. Tasty, what's
your real name?

1372
01:41:47,709 --> 01:41:53,841
- How about I tell you after?
- Yeah, sure.

1373
01:41:55,851 --> 01:41:57,478
Works for me.

1374
01:42:04,726 --> 01:42:11,529
Below the ocean
Where I wanna be.

1375
01:42:12,200 --> 01:42:14,225
<i>She may be.</i>

1376
01:42:14,303 --> 01:42:17,670
<i>Way down below the ocean...</i>

1377
01:42:17,739 --> 01:42:20,902
- No, Mary, wait.
- What?

1378
01:42:20,976 --> 01:42:24,377
- What's wrong? - Nothing.
- I mean...

1379
01:42:24,946 --> 01:42:29,076
Nothing, I just...
I really like you,

1380
01:42:31,787 --> 01:42:36,190
and I don't want to ruin this.
You know?

1381
01:42:37,059 --> 01:42:42,053
But, hey, maybe you could come
to Chicago and we could hang out

1382
01:42:42,130 --> 01:42:43,961
- and take it a little...
- No.

1383
01:42:44,066 --> 01:42:47,900
Lance, it doesn't
work like that.

1384
01:42:51,340 --> 01:42:54,776
And, I mean, if I don't go
back, I'm gonna be shunned.

1385
01:42:56,244 --> 01:42:58,542
I could never see
my family again.

1386
01:43:00,115 --> 01:43:04,518
- This Amish thing is a real motherfucker.
- Yeah, tell me about it.

1387
01:43:13,595 --> 01:43:15,324
- Ian.
- Yeah.

1388
01:43:15,397 --> 01:43:17,627
I think we should
take our clothes off.

1389
01:43:19,501 --> 01:43:21,298
Wow. Really? Right here?

1390
01:43:21,370 --> 01:43:22,370
Mmm-hmm.

1391
01:43:22,804 --> 01:43:25,967
No one's around for miles.
Come on.

1392
01:43:26,875 --> 01:43:28,001
Okay.

1393
01:43:36,418 --> 01:43:39,854
- What do you think?
- Thank you.

1394
01:43:41,556 --> 01:43:47,017
That is one of the better
sets that I've seen today.

1395
01:43:47,462 --> 01:43:49,657
I appreciate your honesty.

1396
01:43:50,665 --> 01:43:51,893
They're nice.

1397
01:43:52,634 --> 01:43:54,261
Really?

1398
01:43:54,336 --> 01:43:56,930
You're fit.

1399
01:43:57,005 --> 01:44:00,964
- You're so sweet.
- Yeah.

1400
01:44:02,811 --> 01:44:06,303
I think we should take
your clothes off now.

1401
01:44:06,381 --> 01:44:09,612
Yeah, maybe we should.

1402
01:44:09,684 --> 01:44:14,747
- I don't play football!
- Okay.

1403
01:44:14,823 --> 01:44:17,087
I... I really don't. I mean, I
don't really even watch football.

1404
01:44:17,159 --> 01:44:19,286
I mean, I got all that stuff
from <i>Friday Night Lights,</i>

1405
01:44:19,361 --> 01:44:22,330
which is a show. It's also a movie
starring Billy Bob Thornton.

1406
01:44:22,397 --> 01:44:24,388
- I don't know if you saw it, but...
- Ian.

1407
01:44:24,466 --> 01:44:30,530
What? You think everything in my
profile's the God's honest truth? No.

1408
01:44:30,605 --> 01:44:33,506
Now, come on, take
your clothes off.

1409
01:44:35,911 --> 01:44:40,541
Look, there's this girl...

1410
01:44:41,616 --> 01:44:45,848
Ian, this can be our little
secret. No one has to know.

1411
01:44:47,389 --> 01:44:48,879
Now come here.

1412
01:45:02,337 --> 01:45:07,365
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I
can't do this with you.

1413
01:45:07,442 --> 01:45:12,141
I'm kissing you, and I'm
thinking about somebody else.

1414
01:45:13,048 --> 01:45:16,950
No, and I know that's a stupid thing
to say. I mean, she's not even...

1415
01:45:18,787 --> 01:45:22,848
Oh, no, no, no. Ms. Tasty,
please don't cry.

1416
01:45:22,924 --> 01:45:26,690
It's not a reflection of...
You're so pretty, like...

1417
01:45:27,395 --> 01:45:29,090
You're laughing.

1418
01:45:29,164 --> 01:45:32,133
Just take your fucking
clothes off, asshole!

1419
01:45:33,235 --> 01:45:36,636
Look, I'm sorry, okay. I don't
mean to lead you on here,

1420
01:45:36,705 --> 01:45:41,165
and I'll give you a ride home, but I
don't think that... What the fuck?

1421
01:45:41,243 --> 01:45:43,677
What's up with the
bandana, dude? Huh?

1422
01:45:44,045 --> 01:45:45,444
What're you, a Gap model?

1423
01:45:48,083 --> 01:45:51,177
- Do you have any Jacks?
- Yup.

1424
01:45:52,587 --> 01:45:56,114
- I win.
- Again.

1425
01:45:56,191 --> 01:45:57,419
Yup.

1426
01:46:01,796 --> 01:46:04,321
- All right, just take your shirt off.
- Okay, good.

1427
01:46:07,402 --> 01:46:11,668
You were right, Ian. '69 Judge.
You were worth the wait.

1428
01:46:14,576 --> 01:46:19,639
- Please, no! Come on, it's not even my
car! - And good luck with the lady friend.

1429
01:46:22,284 --> 01:46:23,581
Fuckface!

1430
01:46:26,922 --> 01:46:30,358
Felicia. Oh, shit! Oh, shit.

1431
01:46:30,458 --> 01:46:34,053
Oh, Bobby, you were so
awesome back there.

1432
01:46:34,129 --> 01:46:35,892
- Love you so much.
- Cool.

1433
01:46:37,165 --> 01:46:41,625
Hey, you know, I was thinking, do you
always have to flash them the twins?

1434
01:46:41,703 --> 01:46:43,864
You know, I mean,
I do got a gun.

1435
01:46:43,939 --> 01:46:48,899
- Oh, baby, you know they're only for you.
- Okay, cool.

1436
01:46:48,977 --> 01:46:52,003
Now, listen. I got another car
coming any minute now, okay?

1437
01:46:52,080 --> 01:46:53,775
- Got it. - So take me
back to the Big Boy

1438
01:46:53,848 --> 01:46:56,248
- and get this goat over to Luis.
- Right.

1439
01:46:57,619 --> 01:47:03,819
And where is Luis?
5th and Crescent!

1440
01:47:04,392 --> 01:47:06,622
- I fucking told you.
- I know where it is.

1441
01:47:11,266 --> 01:47:16,499
And if you do good, momma's gonna
take real good care of you.

1442
01:47:16,871 --> 01:47:18,099
Really?

1443
01:47:20,508 --> 01:47:23,170
You mean the thing I like well?

1444
01:47:28,383 --> 01:47:32,251
Yeah, just want to make sure we're
talking about the same thing here.

1445
01:47:32,320 --> 01:47:34,288
The pepper grinder.

1446
01:47:38,326 --> 01:47:40,419
Pepper grinder!

1447
01:47:41,429 --> 01:47:44,227
Pepper grinder! Yeah.

1448
01:47:52,507 --> 01:47:53,565
Hi.

1449
01:47:59,547 --> 01:48:03,108
- Hey, boys. You finally made it.
- What's up, Ms. Tasty?

1450
01:48:03,184 --> 01:48:05,709
What's up? What's up?

1451
01:48:05,787 --> 01:48:08,415
- Damn, you're hot as fuck.
- Yeah.

1452
01:48:08,490 --> 01:48:11,789
- We brought beers and rubbers.
- And some lotion for your tits.

1453
01:48:13,061 --> 01:48:14,722
- It's not a marathon.
- It's a sprint.

1454
01:48:14,796 --> 01:48:17,230
- Bang. Yeah.
- In chicks.

1455
01:48:31,279 --> 01:48:32,837
You Felicia?

1456
01:48:35,617 --> 01:48:37,016
I'm Bobby Jo.

1457
01:48:38,520 --> 01:48:39,544
Hi.

1458
01:48:49,731 --> 01:48:54,361
I can't believe I'm banging an Amish chick.
I mean, seriously, what are the odds?

1459
01:48:55,470 --> 01:48:57,734
Oh, yeah! More of that.

1460
01:48:59,774 --> 01:49:04,871
So, wait, you do want to party?

1461
01:49:05,580 --> 01:49:06,706
With us?

1462
01:49:06,781 --> 01:49:10,012
Yeah. I want us all to
get naked and party.

1463
01:49:22,497 --> 01:49:25,489
Fuck! I can't fucking
believe this.

1464
01:49:29,938 --> 01:49:32,771
Get your ass out of the
car, motherfucker!

1465
01:49:34,609 --> 01:49:39,273
- Who the fuck are you?
- Holy fucking fuck-balls!

1466
01:49:39,514 --> 01:49:43,678
Okay, my bad.

1467
01:49:43,752 --> 01:49:45,447
Now, I thought you were
someone else, all right?

1468
01:49:45,520 --> 01:49:50,890
You done fouled up my ride, so
I'm gonna have to take yours.

1469
01:49:51,760 --> 01:49:52,760
Fuck that shit.

1470
01:49:53,928 --> 01:49:56,021
Here you go. Pulls to the left.

1471
01:49:57,799 --> 01:49:59,790
What the fuck, dumb-ass?

1472
01:50:03,738 --> 01:50:06,172
Oh, shit!

1473
01:50:06,941 --> 01:50:13,210
Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck! Oh, shit!

1474
01:50:13,281 --> 01:50:14,976
Hey, highlights, back it up.

1475
01:50:16,417 --> 01:50:18,282
Bite my dick, asshole!

1476
01:50:23,158 --> 01:50:25,991
Ow! What the fuck
you do that for?

1477
01:50:27,128 --> 01:50:31,326
- Lance? What the fuck is going on? - That's
the son of a bitch I was looking for!

1478
01:50:31,399 --> 01:50:34,459
Hey, guy. How'd you...

1479
01:50:34,536 --> 01:50:37,937
- Found your computer maps, douche-bag!
- Okay.

1480
01:50:38,006 --> 01:50:39,166
Hey, hey, hey, hey.

1481
01:50:39,240 --> 01:50:42,107
Boat show, you and your
boyfriend bring it in here.

1482
01:50:42,177 --> 01:50:43,498
I don't need no
trouble right now.

1483
01:50:43,511 --> 01:50:45,376
Let's go. Bring it in.

1484
01:50:46,815 --> 01:50:50,512
- Bobby Jo, who the fuck is that?
- Who?

1485
01:50:50,585 --> 01:50:53,850
- That!
- That's Felicia.

1486
01:50:53,922 --> 01:50:56,152
She was hiding in the
back seat, no biggie.

1487
01:50:56,224 --> 01:50:58,715
Fuck! She heard everything then.

1488
01:50:58,793 --> 01:51:01,421
- Hello!
- Damn, you're right.

1489
01:51:03,898 --> 01:51:05,422
Come on, darling.

1490
01:51:05,500 --> 01:51:07,798
- Shut up! - Now, take
it easy on the hair.

1491
01:51:07,869 --> 01:51:10,599
- Get down! - Hey,
hey, come on.

1492
01:51:10,672 --> 01:51:13,539
Take your hands off her!

1493
01:51:25,253 --> 01:51:28,245
- Stop shooting our car.
- Inconsiderate.

1494
01:51:33,761 --> 01:51:35,752
Please! No!

1495
01:51:41,569 --> 01:51:44,629
- All right. Get back, man.
- Ian?

1496
01:51:44,706 --> 01:51:47,402
Everybody just be cool.

1497
01:51:47,475 --> 01:51:50,035
- Felicia, you okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.

1498
01:51:50,111 --> 01:51:53,171
Ian, give me the goddamn gun
before you shoot your dick off.

1499
01:51:53,248 --> 01:51:54,442
- Rex, I got this.
- Ian!

1500
01:51:54,515 --> 01:51:58,246
God damn it, Rex, I got this!
Do not fuck with me! Not now!

1501
01:51:59,153 --> 01:52:02,281
Ease it back, man. That
donut ain't fucking around.

1502
01:52:04,025 --> 01:52:05,754
Hands where I can see them.

1503
01:52:07,095 --> 01:52:11,225
- Ian, dude, you're working the mouth.
- I don't give a shit!

1504
01:52:11,299 --> 01:52:15,429
Okay. All right, sorry. You're
doing so good. Proud of you.

1505
01:52:15,503 --> 01:52:17,095
I mean that. I don't
say it enough.

1506
01:52:17,171 --> 01:52:20,265
- Tasty and you...
- Bobby Jo.

1507
01:52:21,442 --> 01:52:25,105
Ian... Over there. Slowly.

1508
01:52:25,847 --> 01:52:30,045
All right, you, corn-fed, you can
punch my friend Lance, but just once.

1509
01:52:30,151 --> 01:52:33,348
- Dude! What the fuck? - You
nailed his girlfriend.

1510
01:52:33,421 --> 01:52:36,549
- Not exactly. I mean, it was...
- And he came all this way.

1511
01:52:36,624 --> 01:52:40,151
All right. All right, fair
enough. Just not in the nuts.

1512
01:52:43,765 --> 01:52:48,998
- Oh, shit! - Okay.
- Okay, all right.

1513
01:52:50,672 --> 01:52:55,473
What a punch. I think my
kids are gonna be retarded.

1514
01:52:55,543 --> 01:52:57,511
You got a fucking Cannon
for an arm, dude.

1515
01:52:57,578 --> 01:53:02,948
- Yeah, you got a little...
- Thanks. My ears are ringing.

1516
01:53:03,551 --> 01:53:05,416
Stop it! I'm warning you!

1517
01:53:05,486 --> 01:53:08,080
Come on, bro. You ain't
gonna kill no one.

1518
01:53:10,658 --> 01:53:11,750
Whoa!

1519
01:53:13,695 --> 01:53:16,823
- Anybody can shoot a gun in the air,
dude. - I'll shoot you in the leg.

1520
01:53:16,898 --> 01:53:18,490
Suck his cock, Ian.

1521
01:53:18,566 --> 01:53:21,364
- You serious? - Do
I look serious?

1522
01:53:23,404 --> 01:53:25,372
I don't think you
got the plums, boy.

1523
01:53:28,943 --> 01:53:30,672
God!

1524
01:53:35,216 --> 01:53:36,376
Oh, fuck.

1525
01:53:37,218 --> 01:53:39,686
Okay. Okay.

1526
01:53:41,422 --> 01:53:44,289
Anybody can shoot someone
in the leg, dude.

1527
01:53:45,493 --> 01:53:48,792
- Give me the gun! - Jesus,
man, what do I got to do?

1528
01:53:51,899 --> 01:53:54,800
Don't move, asshole, or
you're a fucking stain.

1529
01:53:54,869 --> 01:53:55,995
Okay.

1530
01:53:57,271 --> 01:53:59,262
Holy shit, Ian. Right on!

1531
01:54:00,708 --> 01:54:02,972
Where do you think
you're going, cunt?

1532
01:54:03,044 --> 01:54:04,443
Cat fight!

1533
01:54:07,148 --> 01:54:10,413
'Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore.

1534
01:54:10,485 --> 01:54:12,043
Damn you, whore!

1535
01:54:12,120 --> 01:54:13,849
<i>I've forgotten what I
started fighting for.</i>

1536
01:54:13,921 --> 01:54:15,548
Fuck you!

1537
01:54:17,725 --> 01:54:21,786
<i>And if I have to crawl
upon the floor.</i>

1538
01:54:22,163 --> 01:54:25,655
<i>Come crashing
through your door.</i>

1539
01:54:26,567 --> 01:54:31,368
<i>Baby, I can't fight
this feeling anymore.</i>

1540
01:54:32,440 --> 01:54:34,533
Drop the weapon, donut man!

1541
01:54:35,977 --> 01:54:38,309
Okay, put your hands
on your head!

1542
01:54:38,379 --> 01:54:41,940
I can't move the other arm.

1543
01:54:42,016 --> 01:54:45,713
- Who said that? Who said that?
- I can't move the other arm.

1544
01:54:48,122 --> 01:54:52,115
Sir, I'm not resisting.
It's foam, Sir.

1545
01:54:55,463 --> 01:54:59,263
The big Mexican won't go down!
Take the shot!

1546
01:55:00,034 --> 01:55:01,695
- Holy shit.
- Jesus!

1547
01:55:01,769 --> 01:55:04,602
Hold your fire! Hold
your fire, okay?

1548
01:55:04,705 --> 01:55:08,801
He is not the bad guy!
She is the car thief.

1549
01:55:09,544 --> 01:55:13,105
Right there. The blond,
in a belt for a skirt.

1550
01:55:21,189 --> 01:55:22,679
Anything else?

1551
01:55:24,625 --> 01:55:27,560
Oh, yeah, apparently
there's a guy named Luis,

1552
01:55:27,628 --> 01:55:31,394
and he has a chop shop
at 5th and Crescent!

1553
01:55:31,466 --> 01:55:33,957
- Thanks. - We were just
banging that chick in our car.

1554
01:55:34,035 --> 01:55:37,163
- Yeah, you mentioned that.
- Yeah, super hard.

1555
01:55:37,238 --> 01:55:43,268
The boy did have some plums.
He had some plums.

1556
01:55:43,344 --> 01:55:46,507
Hey, this is Rick. He's
played arena football.

1557
01:55:46,581 --> 01:55:48,913
- Hi. I'm Mary. - Hi.
- Nice to meet you.

1558
01:55:48,983 --> 01:55:50,644
That's a weird little
dude you got there.

1559
01:55:50,718 --> 01:55:53,619
Are you guys hungry?
Is this place open 24 hours?

1560
01:55:56,357 --> 01:55:58,917
Thank you for coming for me.

1561
01:56:00,027 --> 01:56:03,019
What were you doing
in the back seat?

1562
01:56:03,097 --> 01:56:06,294
Nothing. I was...

1563
01:56:06,367 --> 01:56:10,326
- You were stalking me.
- No, I wasn't. I...

1564
01:56:12,173 --> 01:56:15,609
Okay. Yeah, I was stalking
you just a little.

1565
01:56:17,111 --> 01:56:20,638
I just... I knew you were gonna do
something you were gonna regret, and I...

1566
01:56:20,715 --> 01:56:24,879
Felicia. Why can't
you just say it?

1567
01:56:29,924 --> 01:56:34,020
- Why can't you? - Well,
I asked you first.

1568
01:56:41,836 --> 01:56:43,531
Fine. I'll say it.

1569
01:56:50,178 --> 01:56:53,807
- You love me.
- Fine.

1570
01:56:55,950 --> 01:56:57,815
You love me, too, then.

1571
01:57:03,090 --> 01:57:08,426
Life is beautiful.

1572
01:57:11,465 --> 01:57:15,162
<i>But it's complicated.</i>

1573
01:57:15,236 --> 01:57:16,601
Thank God.

1574
01:57:17,338 --> 01:57:20,273
<i>We barely make it.</i>

1575
01:57:33,788 --> 01:57:35,847
You fucking heifer.

1576
01:57:49,503 --> 01:57:51,061
- You fixed it!
- Yeah.

1577
01:57:51,138 --> 01:57:52,765
Don't Lean on it.

1578
01:57:55,209 --> 01:57:57,507
I guess you get to live.

1579
01:57:57,578 --> 01:58:00,604
- You guys are amazing.
- Thanks.

1580
01:58:00,681 --> 01:58:02,205
Let's talk seriously
for a second.

1581
01:58:02,283 --> 01:58:07,983
I figure with the parts and labor,
you know, out the door... 4,200.

1582
01:58:09,991 --> 01:58:11,015
Oh. Um...

1583
01:58:11,092 --> 01:58:14,755
- It's just a round number.
- Yeah. No, I didn't really...

1584
01:58:18,966 --> 01:58:20,263
I don't know what to...

1585
01:58:20,334 --> 01:58:23,360
I'm fucking with you, Ian. We're good, man.

1586
01:58:23,437 --> 01:58:27,567
- Wait, I mean, you're serious? - Yeah.
- I'm serious. We're good. No worries.

1587
01:58:27,642 --> 01:58:28,973
- You sure?
- Yeah, of course.

1588
01:58:29,043 --> 01:58:30,032
- Thank you, man.
- It's what I live for,

1589
01:58:30,111 --> 01:58:32,011
fixing other people's
shit for free.

1590
01:58:35,716 --> 01:58:36,808
Yeah.

1591
01:58:42,490 --> 01:58:44,822
Straight home, pussy!

1592
01:58:44,892 --> 01:58:49,158
Fucking piece of shit!

1593
01:58:49,263 --> 01:58:52,926
You go on ahead. I think I'm
gonna stay here, kick it Amish.

1594
01:58:53,000 --> 01:58:54,865
Dude, what are you
talking about?

1595
01:58:54,969 --> 01:58:58,496
I don't know, a little hard work,
fresh air, missionary position.

1596
01:58:59,340 --> 01:59:01,069
It's a man's life.

1597
01:59:01,142 --> 01:59:02,837
- Sounds pretty good, you know.
- Yeah, it sounds...

1598
01:59:02,910 --> 01:59:05,538
Come on, Lance. Get serious.

1599
01:59:09,984 --> 01:59:11,383
Come here.

1600
01:59:12,353 --> 01:59:15,220
I gotta tell you, I'm impressed.
I'm proud of you, you know.

1601
01:59:15,289 --> 01:59:18,383
You held out for a good
one, the one you wanted.

1602
01:59:19,226 --> 01:59:21,751
And you fucking made it happen.

1603
01:59:22,863 --> 01:59:27,664
But, please, I'm begging you, go
take that girl to visit Grandma.

1604
01:59:27,735 --> 01:59:29,999
- All right. - And
when you do, don't...

1605
01:59:30,071 --> 01:59:33,268
- Lance, I got it.
- Yeah?

1606
01:59:34,809 --> 01:59:35,901
Yeah.

1607
01:59:37,912 --> 01:59:40,472
Okay. I think you might.

1608
01:59:40,548 --> 01:59:42,311
- See you.
- Bye.

1609
01:59:48,689 --> 01:59:52,216
Well, no, no, me, I never worry.

1610
01:59:52,927 --> 01:59:55,794
<i>Because, me, I never try.</i>

1611
01:59:56,063 --> 02:00:02,662
<i>And I never care to hold onto what
I just couldn't kiss goodbye.</i>

1612
02:00:21,122 --> 02:00:24,990
- Are you sure you're ready?
- Yeah.

1613
02:00:27,128 --> 02:00:29,858
All right, well, come
on, take them off.

1614
02:00:42,243 --> 02:00:43,642
Let's do it.

1615
02:00:49,884 --> 02:00:51,476
Yeah!

1616
02:00:51,552 --> 02:00:53,144
Oh, shit!

1617
02:00:54,188 --> 02:00:56,053
What the fuck!

1618
02:00:56,123 --> 02:00:58,387
Give me that fucking shoe...

1619
02:00:58,459 --> 02:01:01,587
You know what? Fuck you!
I want a divorce.

1620
02:01:01,662 --> 02:01:04,688
<i>A few weeks later, I was
Felicia's date to Tiffany's wedding.</i>

1621
02:01:04,799 --> 02:01:08,235
<i>But this time, it wasn't a
just-friends kind of thing.</i>

1622
02:01:10,504 --> 02:01:13,371
<i>And Rex did make my
life hell for a while.</i>

1623
02:01:14,141 --> 02:01:15,802
<i>But that Thanksgiving,</i>

1624
02:01:15,876 --> 02:01:19,243
<i>we finally found out what's been
up his ass all these years.</i>

1625
02:01:19,313 --> 02:01:23,340
I'm gay! And, so, that's it.

1626
02:01:25,586 --> 02:01:28,180
<i>By Christmas, my dad
got used to the idea.</i>

1627
02:01:28,255 --> 02:01:31,224
<i>And Rex is actually a pretty
great guy these days.</i>

1628
02:01:31,292 --> 02:01:34,056
<i>Yeah, now he only uses the
word faggot during rough sex.</i>

1629
02:01:34,128 --> 02:01:36,688
Karen and I want you to
have this, for Christmas.

1630
02:01:36,764 --> 02:01:38,755
- Merry Christmas.
- Thanks.

1631
02:01:41,202 --> 02:01:42,499
A juicer.

1632
02:01:42,570 --> 02:01:47,974
Oh, my gosh! That's so awesome.
Wow, I gotta get some fruit.

1633
02:01:48,476 --> 02:01:49,534
Wow!

1634
02:01:53,581 --> 02:01:55,048
Thank you, thank you.

1635
02:01:55,683 --> 02:01:58,777
<i>Dylan knocked up Becca
and had to take my old job.</i>

1636
02:02:00,454 --> 02:02:02,445
<i>Let's see, what else?</i>

1637
02:02:03,090 --> 02:02:05,615
<i>Oh, Andy and Randy finally
got a girlfriend.</i>

1638
02:02:08,529 --> 02:02:11,930
<i>And on New Year's Eve, Felicia
and I finally visited Grandma.</i>

1639
02:02:11,999 --> 02:02:13,057
Again?

1640
02:02:14,335 --> 02:02:15,768
Damn, yes.

1641
02:02:18,439 --> 02:02:20,464
- Felicia, you want to do this?
- Yes.

1642
02:02:29,350 --> 02:02:31,113
Oh, that was awesome!

1643
02:03:11,358 --> 02:03:15,294
- Hey, boys. You get some rest? - Thanks,
man. Thanks for fixing the bus.

1644
02:03:15,362 --> 02:03:17,163
- A pleasure. - Yeah,
thanks for fixing our bus.

1645
02:03:17,197 --> 02:03:19,597
- Appreciate it. - Thanks for
playing that show for us, too.

1646
02:03:19,667 --> 02:03:23,000
- Yeah, no worries. - It
was a nice five-song set.

1647
02:03:23,070 --> 02:03:25,470
Yeah, what do you
guys typically...

1648
02:03:25,539 --> 02:03:27,973
I assume you get compensated
very well for that.

1649
02:03:28,042 --> 02:03:30,943
- Must be a good living.
- Yeah, we do. I mean...

1650
02:03:31,011 --> 02:03:33,912
Yeah, you know, I... Gosh,
if I was really to calculate

1651
02:03:33,981 --> 02:03:37,109
what you'd lose if this bus couldn't
have gotten back on the road,

1652
02:03:37,184 --> 02:03:38,378
if you couldn't have
gotten to your shows,

1653
02:03:38,452 --> 02:03:43,321
I imagine all those weeping teenage
girls outside, "I need to dance."

1654
02:03:43,390 --> 02:03:46,359
Could we send you some pictures? We
don't really have cash or anything.

1655
02:03:46,427 --> 02:03:49,396
- Some autographed photos?
- Or we could give you CDs.

1656
02:03:49,463 --> 02:03:51,693
Yeah, we've got a lot of
use for that around here.

1657
02:03:51,765 --> 02:03:53,858
There is a lot of work that
needs to be done around here.

1658
02:03:53,934 --> 02:03:58,200
- You guys are some strapping young lads. - I
don't know if we're really built for that.

1659
02:03:59,640 --> 02:04:02,165
- Yeah.
- I can hear you.

1660
02:04:02,242 --> 02:04:04,642
I'm just saying, you guys
put in a 20-minute show,

1661
02:04:04,712 --> 02:04:06,352
- we spent all night on the bus...
- Yeah.

1662
02:04:06,413 --> 02:04:07,653
I mean, that was a lot of work.

1663
02:04:07,681 --> 02:04:09,876
We could maybe try to
write a check later on,

1664
02:04:09,950 --> 02:04:12,418
or like I said, we could
send you guys some CDs.

1665
02:04:12,486 --> 02:04:14,716
City folk are always trying
to solve things with money.

1666
02:04:14,788 --> 02:04:16,813
It's the spirit of the
community around here.

1667
02:04:16,890 --> 02:04:19,415
Lord, please bless
this Fall Out Boy.

1668
02:04:19,493 --> 02:04:22,257
Keep him safe on the road.

1669
02:04:22,329 --> 02:04:25,423
Help him to aspire to the
heights of Jon Bon Jovi.

1670
02:04:25,499 --> 02:04:26,727
- Help him to...
- Thanks.

1671
02:04:26,800 --> 02:04:28,760
- Okay, thanks, man. - Thanks,
man. We gotta roll.

1672
02:04:28,769 --> 02:04:30,729
- Amen. - We gotta roll, man.
- Thank you very much.

1673
02:04:30,771 --> 02:04:32,329
All right, boys. It was
a pleasure meeting you.

1674
02:04:32,406 --> 02:04:35,375
I loved your penis on the
Internet, by the way.

1675
02:04:35,442 --> 02:04:37,501
- Fucking asshole!
- You're a dick!

1676
02:04:53,927 --> 02:04:57,863
<i>Say my name and his
in the same breath.</i>

1677
02:04:57,931 --> 02:05:01,389
<i>I dare you to say
they taste the same.</i>

1678
02:05:01,468 --> 02:05:04,995
<i>Let the leaves fall
off in the summer.</i>

1679
02:05:05,072 --> 02:05:08,132
<i>And let December
glow feel flames.</i>

1680
02:05:08,709 --> 02:05:11,803
<i>Brace myself and let go.</i>

1681
02:05:11,879 --> 02:05:15,440
<i>Start it over again in Mexico.</i>

1682
02:05:15,516 --> 02:05:19,316
<i>These friends, they
don't love you.</i>

1683
02:05:19,386 --> 02:05:23,049
<i>They just love the
hotel suites, now.</i>

1684
02:05:23,123 --> 02:05:26,183
<i>I don't care what you think.</i>

1685
02:05:26,260 --> 02:05:29,923
<i>As long as it's about me.</i>

1686
02:05:30,064 --> 02:05:33,227
<i>The best of us can
find happiness.</i>

1687
02:05:33,333 --> 02:05:36,496
<i>In misery.</i>

1688
02:05:36,870 --> 02:05:40,465
<i>Said, I don't care
what you think.</i>

1689
02:05:40,541 --> 02:05:44,341
<i>As long as it's about me.</i>

1690
02:05:44,411 --> 02:05:47,676
<i>The best of us can
find happiness.</i>

1691
02:05:47,748 --> 02:05:49,545
<i>In misery.</i>

1692
02:05:55,522 --> 02:05:59,117
<i>Oh, take a chance, let
your body get a tolerance.</i>

1693
02:05:59,193 --> 02:06:02,094
<i>I'm not a chance, but a
heat wave in your pants.</i>

1694
02:06:02,162 --> 02:06:04,722
<i>Pull a breath like
another cigarette.</i>

1695
02:06:04,798 --> 02:06:07,289
<i>Palms up, I'm trading 'em.</i>

1696
02:06:08,102 --> 02:06:09,933
<i>Trading 'em.</i>

1697
02:06:10,003 --> 02:06:13,131
<i>I'm the oracle in my chest.</i>

1698
02:06:13,507 --> 02:06:16,408
<i>Let the guitar scream
like a fascist.</i>

1699
02:06:16,477 --> 02:06:18,172
<i>Sweat it out, shut your mouth.</i>

1700
02:06:18,245 --> 02:06:20,042
<i>Free love on the streets.</i>

1701
02:06:20,114 --> 02:06:24,141
<i>But in the alley and I
ain't that cheap, now.</i>

1702
02:06:24,218 --> 02:06:27,210
<i>I don't care what you think.</i>

1703
02:06:27,287 --> 02:06:31,189
<i>As long as it's about me.</i>

1704
02:06:31,258 --> 02:06:34,318
<i>The best of us can
find happiness.</i>

1705
02:06:34,394 --> 02:06:37,659
<i>In misery.</i>

1706
02:06:37,931 --> 02:06:41,594
<i>Said, I don't care
what you think.</i>

1707
02:06:41,668 --> 02:06:45,434
<i>As long as it's about me.</i>

1708
02:06:45,539 --> 02:06:48,633
<i>The best of us can
find happiness.</i>

1709
02:06:48,709 --> 02:06:50,472
<i>In misery.</i>

1710
02:07:03,056 --> 02:07:06,617
<i>Said I don't care
just what you think.</i>

1711
02:07:06,860 --> 02:07:10,159
<i>As long as it's about me.</i>

1712
02:07:10,230 --> 02:07:13,631
<i>Said I don't care
just what you think.</i>

1713
02:07:13,700 --> 02:07:17,329
<i>As long as it's about me.</i>

1714
02:07:17,404 --> 02:07:20,931
<i>Said I don't care,
I don't care.</i>

1715
02:07:21,041 --> 02:07:24,568
<i>Said I don't care,
I don't care.</i>

1716
02:07:24,645 --> 02:07:30,777
<i>Said I don't care,
I don't care.</i>

1717
02:07:31,285 --> 02:07:32,285
<i>No, I don't.</i>

1718
02:07:32,352 --> 02:07:35,719
<i>I don't care, I don't care.</i>

1719
02:07:35,789 --> 02:07:39,589
<i>I don't care.</i>

1720
02:07:39,660 --> 02:07:42,561
<i>I don't care what you think.</i>

1721
02:07:42,629 --> 02:07:46,156
<i>As long as it's about me.</i>

1722
02:07:46,533 --> 02:07:49,661
<i>The best of us can
find happiness.</i>

1723
02:07:49,736 --> 02:07:53,137
<i>In misery.</i>

1724
02:07:53,207 --> 02:07:56,699
<i>Said I don't care
what you think.</i>

1725
02:07:56,777 --> 02:08:00,577
<i>As long as it's about me.</i>

1726
02:08:00,647 --> 02:08:04,174
<i>The best of us can
find happiness.</i>

1727
02:08:04,251 --> 02:08:10,349
<i>In misery.</i>

1728
02:09:02,843 --> 02:09:06,370
Hi. I'm Amanda Crew,
professional actor.

1729
02:09:06,446 --> 02:09:08,778
You know in all the
teen unrated DVDs,

1730
02:09:08,849 --> 02:09:12,410
you never really get to see
the star's naughty parts.

1731
02:09:12,886 --> 02:09:16,322
Well, that is gonna
change today.

1732
02:09:16,390 --> 02:09:18,290
That's right. Take a seat,

1733
02:09:18,358 --> 02:09:21,191
maybe close the door so
mom doesn't come in.

1734
02:09:21,261 --> 02:09:24,162
Get all ready. Looks good.

1735
02:09:25,565 --> 02:09:26,896
Here we go.

1736
02:09:30,637 --> 02:09:32,127
Suckers!

1737
02:09:33,774 --> 02:09:35,071
This is serious matter.

1738
02:09:36,176 --> 02:09:37,336
Run for your life.

1739
02:09:37,411 --> 02:09:40,011
Oh, shit! You know what? We see
the fake balls on the table there.

1740
02:09:41,181 --> 02:09:43,911
All right. We'll shoot
another. Cut. MAN 3: Cut.