I thought we would go do a show, and then we would go...
If you want to do slices, we will get a piece
- I will do slices if I can get a fountain... - Come on in here
Do they have a soda fountain? Because I don't like cans. </ P >
Yes, here it is
- I like it, yes - Yeah right.
But I mean, if I enter indoor ball... female ball...
and I'm at the top of the key, I'll sink even more.
Yes, but we are not permitted at Y again.
No, but I say if...
Listen, you don't have... you can go in disguise to where you want,
if you know what you are doing in a harsh court
- I'm nervous tonight - Why?
Because we're shooting for TV shows.
I don't care I'll be tall before...
♪ Tonight when I'm chasing a dragon ♪
- Time to show! - Time to show!
[announcer] Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to the Lyceum Theater.
Unfortunately for this performance,
the role of Gil Faizon and George St. Geegland
will be played by Gil Faizon and George St. </ P>
Let's do Broadway. </ P>
See you at the show. </ P>
So damn stupid. </ P>
And now, please welcome, Gil Faizon and George St. Geegland. </ P>
[applause]
Oh, hey! I know you. </ P>
[keduanya] Oh, halo.
- Charmed I'm sure, I'm Gil Faizon - And I'm George St. Geegland. </ P>
And we are two legendary bachelors
who live on Upper West Side Manhattan. </ P>
Which is a coffee breath from
We want to give a shout to the mezzanine and balcony!
[applause]
You are the reason we did this show!
But we will make eye contact only with an orchestra.
We will have fun tonight
because the theater is hot, new thing now
There is Hamilton and there are no other examples.
Now, talking about theater is hot,
You will see that we are filming tonight's show
Yes. You see cameras everywhere.
We filmed this as a special for Discovery Investigation.
No, this is for Netflix.
It's a party dinner.
It's a party You are watching an episode of a show, so you wait a week,
and then you binge-watch another episode.
Also, if you see camera,
You know, look down the lens barrel, okay?
And you know, we try to convey that we have a diverse audience,
so if you're white, tonight, if you can't.
Yes!
[audience laughs]
All right, it covers business. </ P>
We also want to shout for our dear Ravi on the booth. </ P>
Scream to Ravi! </ P>
GOOD. < br /> This is Ravi.
Ravi is a junior at NYU Tisch School for the Arts.
Yes, he learned to be a playwright,
so he did tech for us, not paid, for nine months
Yes. He's Ravi Nandan, okay?
He's one of these new Indian types.
He's right- right "Aziz, forgive me."
[audience laughs]
But we like to joke that Ravi is a pleasant master.
One from us well-known turns out.
Back to us
Some of our awards:
We are the recipients of from the 1997 detention order.
Keeping us 100 feet every moment from America's biggest actor,
Mr. Alan Alda.
Alan Alda, double A, beeping, beeping! "Let go of mine!" </ P>
Tapi siapa kita sebenarnya? Kamu tahu?
What is our essence How do you explain it?
You know when you get to the bottom from a hummus tub.
And you can't enter your carrot there,
so you have to use your finger to scoop it up?
Bam! That's us, baby!
[applause ]
How can I explain the type of vibration we give?
You know when you walk with a travel agency
and you are like, "What ? "
- Here it is. - Yeah.
We are Yerba Mate tea bags,
steaming counter top from culture American pop.
But who are we as individuals?
Do you mind if I get into my big story?
Look at the stage, use it. </ p >
And I received the stage from you, sir.
Of course, all of you know me, I'm George St. Geegland. </ P>
- [hooting crowd] - Hush. </ P>
I'm a human type You will catch at a party
go through coat.
I am not Jewish, or a woman,
but like many men over 70 years old,
I have reached that point in life /> where I am somehow both.
I was born in Providence, Rhode Island,
and I am responsible for reintroducing the Polio virus to my school district.
As a novelist, I was compared to Philip Roth.
I've also been compared to police sketches
from Central Park flasher this.
And guess what, ladies and gentlemen, I've been married three times.
Damn in love, we like to joke.
Great! Great! Great!
My three wives died the same way on the same staircase.
Every death learns from and fixes the death before that.
And fun facts for tonight's show, </ p >
I use competing drugs.
[applause]
Well, I was amazed, I'm Gil Faizon.
I am Tony's performer Award. </ P>
And am I living? in your building or not,
I am somehow on your co-op board. </ P>
I looks like Steven Spielberg doesn't make money
[audience laughs]
For years, I've been really back and forth
some kind of tête-à-têtes with fellow actor, Richard Dreyfuss.
He certainly leads in Jaws,
and I have lockjaw from all the cocaine I've ever done.
I'm also a non-licensed doula.
But I have made the most of my life as a magic artist.
I am very nearly CBS official voice. </ P>
Yes he is... forgive me, I did not mean to disturb you,
but you did that a wonderful audition for CBS.
Will you do it for them tonight? Your CBS audition?
I don't know whether the audience wants to hear it
[applause]
I'll do it regardless, you know.
It's my audition for CBS.
[clears throat]
Charmed, I'm sure, this is Gil Faizon represented by Don Buchwald & Associates.
Reading for the role of CBS.
This is CBS, baby! </ p >
Fun and flirtatious,
But am I crazy, did you do it? like the second substitute?
- Yeah. - Right, you do
As an actor, you have to give a choice, okay?
This is one of the main things that I taught in my acting seminar,
that called, "Improvisation for Not Listener."
This is a five-hour seminar, and you have chicken lunch.
This is a buffalo chicken wrap.
- Very cold... - This is 90 percent romaine lettuce.
This is a cold wrap, warm Mist Sierra,
- This is on Saturday, it costs 900 dollars. - yes...
Really, that's how it is.
This took two, Gil Faizon, fascinated, I'm sure,
was previously represented by Don Buchwald and Associates,
read for CBS roles. </ P>
CBS? </ P>
[high pitched] All right! </ P>
Perfect! </ P>
Perfect! And I say something,
I'm like, Raven-Symoné level is angry that you don't get the job.
George, it's very it's hard for you to say.
This isn't ravin & apos; it's true.
You, Gil Faizon, how many times have I said?
You are the strongest actor in New York? </ P>
Ah, this person...
This person is my stone. </ P>
It was he who delivered the news to me that I will not get a CBS job.
- Who knows? Who knows? Who knows? - [high-pitched] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And do you know what?
He won't let me sulk for one second, nay, nay, nay.
He told me to go back to the horse.
We started doing heroin that afternoon
And we will shoot it between our toes to keep our arms clear for fireballs.
Yes.
Then what does he do?
He gave me the biggest gift that a writer can give an actor.
He wrote a drama for me to enter.
Which take us to tonight.
You know, for years, I have written some plays for Gil and me to do...
- George, you remember the first one? - the first game we've ever done?
- Yes. - Yes. I will never forget it
The first game we have ever done? I will never forget.
I was inspired by and was immediately stolen from...
Sam Shepard's Classic, True West.
Yes, but we were called, Right Upper West. </ P>
That's a big one M. Night Shyamalan twist at the end. </ P>
Is it in the end, you will expand, which is hard to do in playing. </ P>
But you will widen. </ P>
And all the time That is the Upper West side,
and there is like, Judaica shop,
it's always closed
Who is that? </ P >
Who is that? Who is that person
That is a pop-up gutter guy.
Anda tahu, seorang pria muncul dari selokannya, "Tidak, terima kasih," kembali turun.
Now, famous in the rise of True West, you will see Reilly and...
- I'm sorry. And "Phil Sey" Hoffman. - [groans]
I'm sorry.
It's difficult, because we choked on a signal At the same time, every show.
We just really want to make Death of Philip Seymour Hoffman about us.
You know?
Ladies and gentlemen, it behooves you when famous people die,
blame the year and make it about you.
- [George] Yes, yes - [audience applauds]
To take Getty's picture, a watermarked Getty image,
This means the world to these deceased people.
Now, the famous, in the resurrection return True West,
John C. Reilly and "Phil Sey" Hoffman
will switch parts every night
We will do our version for that.
We will replace medicine, okay?
I'll take George's anti-psychotic.
And I'll apply Gil's eczema cream.
But many of you are millennial may know us
from our hit existential drama, Waiting for Godot...
Hello.
But in our version, Godot appears, like three minutes,
and then we joke that mofo with Too Much Tuna, baby
We come out with bowler hats. </ P>
We let them go, [click tongue]
We have two tuna sandwiches in our heads. </ P>
And the audience at the stitches. </ P>
Literally, because we performed < br /> in a burn ward in Washington Heights.
And this...
- Say it. - This damn Dominican...
It feels like... Hey, close the door. It feels like...
Like they don't understand it.
And people who understand English, Like that, they don't like it.
Most of our games have been installed in hospitals,
or killed shelters or as comedy dramas at rest in AA.
That's why it's an honor to be here tonight
At the Winter Garden Theater! </ P>
No, no, Lyceum Theater! </ P>
[pat hands]
I think we ordered Winter Park Theater
Have you tried handling with the Shubert Organization?
I mean, this is a historic theater.
Liza Minnelli installed her icon Liza with "Z" at this stage,
directed by the great Bob Fosse.
And if you listen carefully,
You can hear in rafter Bob Fosse's ghost,
snort Dexedrin and drink Visine.
Here at this theater, haunted by ghosts who can't order a different theater.
Here at this theater which is basically on Sixth Avenue.
So many great playwrights have held their work.
Tennessee Williams and her sister Serena.
You know, they are rivals but they love each other.
- I blame father < br /> - [both] He pushed them too hard.
- I like you to take - I like your style.
That's why this is the perfect place
for us to present to you...
our new game!
Ravi, curtain!
[cheering]
Can you imagine a show on Broadway exceeding your expectations
by having a set? </ P>
All these items are combined from the Broadway set discarded </ p >
from some strange warehouse in Secaucus, New Jersey.
They have everything in this place.
Old props, old costumes,
Newsies curled up on a fiery trash can.
This is here, this is the actual collection from 2005 the rise of Steel Magnolias
installed here at the Lyceum Theater.
Baja Magnolias, first play, then a movie, then again, a drama.
Setara Broadway move back with your parents.
August Wilson, the famous African-American Drama
But I'm going to walk here now.
And what's this here? A door trap, huh.
This is a trapdoor from the shooting location Anne Frank's Diary. Yes!
Don't get confused with Anne's diary Hathaway
that we stole from his wallet at Gotham Awards. </ P>
Oh, me, oh, me! </ P>
This is a pillowcase from Martin McDonagh's The Pillowman.
And for those people who are in that bad scene who can't see this, raise your hand
Raise your hand if You can't see this. Okay. GOOD. </ P>
So next time, get your ticket or just make more money. </ P>
And in honor of Jean-Paul Sartre classic game, No Exit,
we have put a "No Exit" sign.
What the New York city says we are a big fire hazard.
And what is this here, gramophone that?
and the shelf unit from a Tony Award winning drama,
again installed here at the Lyceum Theater, I am my own wife. </ p >
You know, I once had Gil pretending to be my own wife,
to throw away the detective time line
I wear a dress
Why is he wearing a dress to call, we will never know
And what is this here? This is the heart and soul of this set.
This is the original roof from The Cosby Show.
What we have for like, nothing.
They pay us to take it.
They are like, "This thing is there Juju is bad, get out of our hands", you know.
But of course, the last part of the ornament set is lifeless,
are you, the audience
A collection of comedy nerds and dorks theater and...
[Laughter] the child whose parents has making severe miscalculation
You all gather together,
wondering if there will be a break.
Will not!
When you are in the theater, some basic rules to follow
Basic rules, first, cellphones, turn them on!
Take calls
p>
Take a call, text person.
Also, we have free Wi-Fi for everyone here tonight
The network is "Hotel Kimpton" and the password is "guest". </ p >
If you have a winter hat and coat,
put your poop wherever you want.
Treat this theater the way an Ultra-Orthodox Jew treats a plane fly.
Spread!
The chair is for hats, baby
Maybe you don't have time before the show
for eat at Guy Fieri 's Great American Garbage Fire.
- Eat food in the theater. - Eat while playing.
Even if you are like a nurse Jamaica,
and you bring your dinner in a big weird Tupperware. </ P>
And when you open the lid,
Wow! </ P>
This changes the pH of the room.
Maybe you bring yourself a sweet treat because you get low blood sugar.
Be sure to open your little plastic candy...
- [ wrinkled paper] - very slow
Think they will make a little noise, while this will make more noise.
Really, spoil wrinkles when you take off your Swedish fish clothes,
Lamborghini from gummies.
Or maybe you bring yourself a Werther & apos; s Original,
AMBER caramel warning. </ P>
[audience laughs]
Now, people you know our oeuvre, which means eggs,
will recognize this game
It's a bit more autobiographical than our other dramas.
- That's right. Oh, hello - Oh, hello
We live 70 years of life.
First job, second marriage.
When you open the door of your taxi become a city biker
as silent protest against Mayor De Blasio.
This is a game about Emotional moments in life,
like when you get multi vitamins caught in your throat
and the burn was so bad that you could make it up at the wedding of your daughter
I played the character named George Reddington.
Yes, he is a little based on me.
He is a very successful novelist,
who has a lot of problems with this Swedish Fish now. </ p >
And I play Gil Stone,
a working actor who just shouted backstage
to move a chair at Union House.
I'm sorry.
Oh yeah? What do you know
In English, that's a term slang for cigarettes, so...
We love great traditions from the theater
and that's why we plan to pay humpage to them tonight.
For example, one-sided telephone.
Oh, this is very good One-sided phone.
This is when the character is playing, make phone calls,
but they repeat everything Information on hard phone calls
to other characters on the stage.
First, call No one will have real life.
Oh, hello.
Then as an actor, do too much business with a telephone, okay?
Really making damn food from it.
And now, we are humbly present one-sided phone.
Ravi, melodramatic washing. </ p >
Oh, hello?
Oh, fascinated, I'm sure.
Police?
Who are you
Car accident?
Princess George
Where's head ends?
- Are they talking... - I'm talking on the phone, I'm on the phone, man.
I'll tell him
Oh, fascinated, I'm sure.
Hey, George, my friend from all friends.
Look me!
I have terrible and terrible news,
but it's a one-sided phone!
[airhorn voice]
[applause ]
You are stupid.
My daughter isn't dead, I talked to her a year ago.
Another device I like in theater coughing into a handkerchief
to show the audience that you are dying.
- Will you help me with this? - Alright.
[groans]
Hey, little boy, take it Your ice cream. Get...
Are you sick, Mr. Manzini?
No, Giuseppe.
I'll be fine
Boom time!
He is not healthy.
That person is sick as a dick.
- Audience likes to be yelled at. - Right. </ P>
Contemporary backbone American theater screaming. </ P>
For starters, it raises the audience towards the end of the third action. </ P>
Tapi juga itu mengungkapkan hal-hal dari masa lalu.
My father is my brother and that's why we can't go to lunch today.
Do you want to know why?
Do you want know why, Karen?
Because I can't afford Adobe Photoshop!
My dear.
My chair is baby
He kill you
Why?
[applause]
That's of course, from Chair lonesco.
Let's talk about the ending.
I like it when the character says something rather significant,
and then the lights dim,
and you sit in your seat, you like...
Huh?
What is it... is it...
"Is that the end of the game?"
May I show one of these horrible dim lights?
- Porcupine please - Thank you.
Is there a central sign for me to stand up?
Alright, that will happen.
Ravi, can you write a "G" for that so I know this for George and not Gil? </ P>
Thank you. </ P>
Ravi, hit me with the spotlight.
By the way, Ravi, it's too hard with intro music. Too loud
You take the house in half, then you make the announcement.
Never pooch opening on my show again
Alright, we have fun, so...
So this is a dialogue line < br /> and then dim.
You know, looking back, My father is a poor person,
but in the end, he gave us a present the biggest of all,
Toyota Tercel 1997.
[laughter and applause]
Thank you.
- What did you eat? - cashews
Oh!
- it's expensive - But imaginary
- Here it is. - Alright, yeah
I'm allergic
- Uh, I took a complaint. - With my appearance? </ P>
No, the performance is Pontiac's perfection. Yes
- I take a complaint with the dialogue. - Too poignant?
- Too significant - Yes.
I like playing when it's just a sentence.
Naturalistic things, where playwrights try to say,
There is no good dialogue in real life,
- so why should I work hard? - Yeah. </ P>
- Mother, may I - Speak in innocence, child. </ P>
[muttering to myself]
Oh, maid,
I'll drink one more root beer.
Humans...
[laughter and applause]
I'm cold.
[shouting happily]
- I'm cold. - Are you cold?
- Are you... - [yelps] I got it
You are shivering, are you sick?
No, I'm cold from your appearance extraordinary.
- Even though I suffer from pneumococcal pneumonia. - Alright.
You know, I have mesothelioma.
How do you get it?
From the ad.
Well, we will start right away.
But before we do it...
- You will hold it ? - Yeah.
- Alright. - There's the film...
- I'll just shake the tip. - GOOD.
It worked a billion times Even worse there.
We will start.
- No, damn... No. - What?
Not in life or playing,
nails on my nails.
Inside my head.
For real, don't ever do it again, real.
- This... It's a protected settlement. < br /> - Yeah.
[runaway]
Then I'm Netanyahu, baby!
- Because you're my little aunt. - Yeah that's right
Why are you holding on to my finger?
Because I'm nervous. I want the show to go well.
Because we're on Broadway.
But, Gil, remember what we always say?
Treat four like six, and he'll thank you.
No, let's do our best.
- Oh! - Jesus Christ!
Enjoy the game!
[cheering]
- This crowd sucks. - Yeah, that's great.
George stepped forward to read the direction of the stage
He leaned on one side because "stage direction" is italicized.
Our game starts on the Upper West Side of Manhattan,
73 & Columbus, to be exact.
Arrangement: Large Upper West Side rent-controlled buildings.
Type of place where are all recycling bins
filled with used oxygen tank
And what's this here?
What?
Why, that's the front door from our two apartment apartments.
A mezuzah is nailed to the door frame.
Just below the nail painted from a former mezuzah
And for you be observant enough for hours,
This Mezuzah is on the wrong side from the door frame,
You play correctly.
[audience laughs]
We open in a brown room, with peanut-colored sunlight
Brighten up what you have to pound fired, dry old man's skin.
We met George Reddington.
George could barely it's hard, so he has to use a tongue suppressant
as a splint on his benefit.
I don't know
George is hung like a hotel painting,
p>
in that case it's crooked and has seen terrible things.
[audience laughs]
Well, I did it pretty well, considering I'm a 72-year-old novelist,
and I live with my best friend Gil and he's an actor Okay , goodbye
That's when, Gil Stone was 40 years old.
- Are you sure you can play 40? - [high-pitched] huh!
Gil Stone is 40 years old.
He's drenched by rain.
No matter what health food store you visit,
Gil blocks the vitamin aisle. </ P>
Gil's hair, This is like the JonBenét Ramsey case. </ P>
The more you look into it, the more questions you have.
Gil speaks and says the sentence is written.
George, have you ever noticed it? New York is raining
like jazz?
No, I haven't, my friend, but keep on going with this
Well, they are in drops. There are like brushes on tight snare drums.
[snares play]
And the horns horn. Oh!
That's like Miles, baby.
[playing jazz]
And for the subway? You have yourself xylophone.
Bing bong
"Stop the rain falling."
I don't want to do water anymore.
Whoa! Whoa!
Bad luck water spray the strongest part of the show
Make my glass runny. </ P>
Listen, I know that, okay? </ P>
You know, Mark and Judy came with their adult child last week,
they told me that they like water spray.
But Mark and Judy are like Stomp.
- You know, I like Stomp. - I like Stomp.
They bang on everything.
This is new... you've got it to go see Stomp tour.
- It's the same. - Ah!
So, tell me, Gil, how was your meeting? Today with the agent
- That's terrible - Oh no.
I mean, he didn't catch me at all. You know?
I'm a serious theater actor.
He told me to go out for advertising.
Can you imagine me,
Gil Stone, poke Scotch Tape?
That's it again with artistic integrity.
Look at me? I'm all about money
What are we, two characters with different perspective?
[scattered laughter]
- I can't do it anymore, George. - Gil.
- I have to get out of this rat race. - Be pragmatic.
I left the audition today. </ P>
For Clamato, I mean...
We're talking about Clamato, George. </ P>
Number one shell / tomato Juice operation in the current country. </ P>
Some will say the only one. </ P>
How can you get out of it? What happened to you? </ P>
I promise, George. A promise.
To my parents.
I miss them, you know.
You know , my father, before he died, He told me two things.
First, he raved other Jews during the Holocaust.
And the second, and more importantly...
You say, you have to be yourself.
And that's what I want to do every day In this crazy rat race, man.
I have to be me.
I have to be Gil! </ p >
This line is hanging in the air
like Lenny Kravitz is very good, the penis is very full,
Remember when the pants are broken and fall.
There's a video. It's like, 15 months ago.
We are here at Oh, Hello feel this
doesn't get enough attention at that time.
[audience laughs]
Gil continues to talk.
But then suddenly and quite inorganically, he started singing.
So I left the audition,
and I headed to the Supermarket Fairway to persecute olives
And that's when I touched me .
♪ Rosalie is sweet She works on five and a dime ♪
I have that song Hold in my head all day, Gil.
♪ Train back to Hackensack With rosemary wine ♪
♪ Yo deedle doe dee ♪
[imitating bass]
♪ Cocaine, snort ♪
♪ We both like cocaine ♪
- God, what is the song? - Steely and it should, right?
Oh, this is one billion percent Steely And. </ P>
Remember seeing Steely And on Beacon Theater, nine consecutive nights? </ P>
I like Beacon Theater. </ P>
Oh, Beacon Theater , It's like the Apollo Theater
for people who are afraid to go to Apollo.
Walter Becker from Steely Dan,
playing the guitar like he did in the band at the end of Lunesta's ad.
Donald Fagen in the key
It seems Ray Charles plays an organ in a synagogue that has
[beatboxing bass guitar]
George, do you know the name Steely and
originated as a dildo in William Burroughs's novel? </ p >
Of course, I know that.
You and I know a lot about Steely Dan.
- Gil? - this
- Have you checked the letter for me? - Alright. </ P>
I am waiting for an answer from my publisher
about my new novel, Next Stop: Ronkonkoma. </ P>
This is a story about a Long Island train trip
told from a hundred different perspectives. </ P>
Let's look here. [clears throat]
"Attention, tenants.
Water will be turned off from 9am to 4pm
to punish unemployment."
It seems very excited, right?
I made my own water.
Oh yeah, okay This one.
"Dear Mr. Reddington and Mr Stone,
Your rental apartment controlled is no longer controlled by rent. "</ P>
But we've lived in this apartment for 40 years, </ p >
paying $ 75 a month
That is the right given by our Lord to pay the same amount of rent
regardless of property value or inflation.
This is an anger.
Ravi, I need that chair to destroy.
Let me see this
"Your rent is increasing to $ 2,500 per month. "
Twenty-five hundred dollars for bedrooms five very few
with offices, crown moldings, and fireplaces?
How much money do I have against me?
What's this? "Remember, you have Alzheimer's."
What does that mean?
I'm so sick of finding all the notes This fool is in all my nonsense.
When I found that guy it put them there...
What would you do to him, Georgie?
You know, c & apos; they are jabroni.
Stay away from my mirror.
[Gil] Yes, yes, yes.
Tell me, Gil, is there a third...
Tell me, Gil, is there a third letter from me...
- This works best if I set up. - GOOD.
Gil, is there... Wait wait!
[laughs out loud]
Say, Gil, is there a third letter? from my publisher?
Maybe if they send a substantial down payment,
we don't need to worry about new rent.
- Give me the damn letter - Just ask the letter
- are we on the same team ? - Yeah.
& apos; 86 Mets.
- You're fine, you know that? - Yes, thank you, man.
- This is from them and it's nice and thin. - More or less, Georgie.
The good news comes in a thin envelope.
"Dear Mr. Reddington. </ P>
We received your amazing manuscript, Next Stop: Ronkonkoma. </ P>
A thousand pages, documents that are truly unproofed. </ P >
Unfortunately, we are only interested in in adult adult pieces now.
Like Twilight or The Corrections.
Maybe you should think more about it for a younger audience. "
The nerves of these people.
I always think of teenagers.
But, George, what does the letter say?
It says I won't get a book deal.
Oh my God, I won't get a book agreement.
And I've bought the sheep dog for the author's photo
Wow, that person will return to Chinatown.
[the audience complains and laughs]
Strap in, folks.
[laughter and clapping]
What happens if you don't get an advance?
Without that progress, we don't have money,
and we will lost our apartment.
But we've lived in this apartment for 700 days
[good music game]
1951, Flatbush Avenue.
I am five years old and there are two things in this world that I love. </ p >
The Brooklyn Dodgers,
and when my mother pushed my head among her big breasts in Poland.
[toy ice cream truck]
Ice Cream Man is here.
He said I could have a big boy's cone If he could put a finger on my tushie.
1951, Providence , Rhode Island. </ P>
I'm five years old and my mother is raising me as a girl. </ P>
My father drinks whiskey in a pitch-black room
and we are not allowed to go in there.
My brother Spuddy grabbed me.
"Hey, George, do you want to go see the dead body?
He took me to the train line,
but I've seen it before.
Going fast. I'm a new student at Zero Mostel High.
My friend Lamar challenged me to drink all canola oil bottle.
I did it, and to this day, When I burp, popcorn comes out.
Going fast. I am a sophomore at Jonesy School for Misfits.
Only me and a nun and young Robert Durst.
Fun facts: Robert Durst and my mother jump from the same roof
In the other hand, I'm sad my mother committed suicide,
but on the other hand, I'm glad it's my birthday.
That's right. He. He is right.
Flash advances to forgotten and rarely discussed decades,
1960s.
- Ravi? - Song music Ravi, music.
[music starts]
[George] Ravi, damn it! Too late! Too late! Ravi, it's too late! Excuse me. </ P>
As soon as he says "1960s," you come quickly with groovy music.
Ravi, you have to hit the signal or he will go banana
No, no, I'll go banana bread to you,
and will too dry to swallow.
You ever fuck up one of the monologues,
and I'll strangle you, Slumdog.
George!
That's very expensive for you.
You have to lose like seven pounds.
[audience laughs]
That's right.
That's all Tate cakes, you know?
They're so thin...
You finish one arm and you like, "Well, there's only one left arm."
Flash forward, 1960s.
I'm at the University Columbia as a violator. </ P>
I distributed flyers For this cult I have joined, you know. </ P>
Fun fact: I am the only man to be kicked out of the cult
to be too into it
But we are a big group.
That is a LSD bicycle cult, now known as Soul Cycle.
1960s
[no music]
[music signal at the end]
I am a student at Columbia
after an Army psychiatrist considered me too harsh for Vietnam
1969, millions of people watched Neil Armstrong walk on the moon
I will never forget where I am.
On the sound stage in Queens helped fake the moon landing.
But in the 60s, you know? </ p >
I remember one day
I walked past the Columbia quad.
But in the 60s, you know?
I remember one day, /> I walked past the Columbia quad. </ P>
[both] And I saw this really cool guy. </ P>
- Oh, peace, Oh, hello. - & apos; Oh, hello to you
Cannabis. </ P>
I just heard about this really groovy new apartment on 73rd Street
- You want to be a roommate? - I want to be a roommate, new friend.
But I have to warn you, I might have to move soon,
Because I'm engaged to this girl who won't shut up
Alright, I have to warn you that I'm afraid of raccoons.
People these guys are crazy, they have these little shoulders
and that big belly like a hairy jar, you know?
Be careful, raccoons, < br /> they will steal your food,
But the next thing you know, they will steal your heart
Raccoons said, "How are you? A cat or fox, don't you? "
- you raccoon - you are raccoon, to be exact.
And suddenly, they stand up straight, it's weird, you know?
They got that tail that looks like a Swifter tied tie.
And has Swifter been found?
You get that human hand it will [pop] pop your eyeballs out,
eat it like green grapes
You've heard raccoon eat green wine That's like...
[rough rage]
And I bet in Australia, they call them garbage thieves.
And they're so, very sexy.
And one more thing about raccoons...
And we've been together since then.
[pat hands]
And then an incoming letter by mail from some postman
Because we don't have $ 2,500, we will lose our house </ p >
♪ Oh, George, I'm very depressed that we're moving ♪
[harmonizing]
Okay, that's interesting.
Aku punya beberapa masalah besar dengan itu, Gil.
First, we have no right to "Movin Out" Bill Joel.
That's right, that's why I scolded him.
That's too big from the line reading.
So don't do it again.
Of course, of course.
[clears throat]
Um, if we do feedback, I-I'm thinking,
Maybe you don't need to give I take notes while playing.
Oh!
- Oh, little boy huh? - No...
Oh, Gil is driving a big wheel now, huh?
No, no, no, hey, I like it.
Uh, I want to ask a question.
You don't want to blow this the way you do CBS, right?
[ooh viewers] </ p >
No.
You think if you are OD & d tomorrow will anyone be annoying?
You are a loser born of God, you know that?
You are God... There's no way out. Hey, no, no! </ P>
[clears throat]
Look, we both said a lot of things hurt, okay
Is Mike Jackson, is it King Pop. Come on, Jackson.
Yes!
[imitating camera clicks]
- Mike Jackson - I want to hang the baby on the balcony. </ P>
That is the funniest thing it ever happened
There's only one way back, Mike .
Yes.
- Mike Jackson - Yeah.
- You succeeded in that. - I want to walk on the moon someday.
Oh, that's sad GOOD .
Come back in, okay. I don't think the audience knows.
And then an incoming letter by mail from some postmen
Because we You don't have $ 2,500, we will lose our house.
Oh, George, I'm very depressed. We move.
Me too.
But you know what?
Don't get depressed.
If this is our last stay in New York, Let's have fun.
I think. </ P>
What if we go down to the old WOLO Studio
and record a small episode You Know What. </ P>
What do you know? </ P>
Our game shows that contestants have to guess what you know? </ P>
That is a show that is faint and loud. </ P>
Because we never narrow it what it is, I can know
And once the man guessed it, I lied.
No, fat legs, I'm talking about our other shows.
[music mood is played]
We take you now to the big midtown New York City restaurant,
Where even ice cream tastes good.
Everyone ugly.
Do you know what I mean? Everyone...
in their own way...
it's bad </ p >
The menu is like, 19 pages long.
And even though it's a restaurant, it has things like lobster on it.
And you're almost tempted to order it to see what will happen
We see the beauty of Gil Stone.
Because he is in the restaurant, he eats like he is in the 70th movie. / p>
Hey, honey, bring me chicken cacciatore
or other food it's not there anymore
Hey, honey, can I get coffee in the 1970s,
it's so runny and gray and the gun next to it on the table.
Hey, honey, bring me half a cantaloupe, spoon of cottage cheese,
and steak Diane's side.
Oh, shit, shit, we live. </ P>
[clears throat]
[both] Oh, hello. </ P>
[woman] ♪ Too many tuna ♪
[applause]
Oh, hello and welcome to Too Much Tuna
at WOLO Public Access.
We welcome all viewers us.
Are you a cat, alone in an apartment
Or a Honduran cleaning woman
who's not sure if he's allowed to change the channel
We welcome our viewers.
Too Many Tuna is a joke event...
- Uh, eh! - Oh, shit Cannot say Right. Take two. </ P>
- Too many Tuna are talk shows - yes! </ P>
- No element prank - No no. </ P>
We only interviewed the greatest personalities in New York
and they did not get a big fucking passion.
This is our last episode Too Many Tuna ever
like we were forced to leave our apartment in Manhattan.
But for the episode our last, we have special guests.
- We really did it - He's a good guest
- Dia adalah tamu yang hebat Semacam mendapatkan yang baik. - Ini bagus.
He started as a writer during the Smothers Brothers comedy,
and since then, He is one of the rising stars
in the entertainment world
Welcome, Steve Martin.
[applause]
See you, thank you for coming. God bless you, thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
♪ Too Many Tuna ♪
♪ Welcome to Steve to Too Much Tuna ♪
How long should I do that?
[cheering]
[Gil] Come on!
[Steve] thank you
Yes, your belt?
- I look great with this... - Yeah, you do you want to release...
I actually used the mic because I always wear a mic.
- You never know. Do you want me to do this? - Sure. <br Oh, yes, go ahead. </ P>
Let me go in there. </ P>
- Like you're dressed. - Yes. Oh thank you.
Yes, I look like you now.
- I don't want that button - no, okay
Do you want to leave it open?
- You know, I've been there. - Yes ok.
Oh no. We know.
- How nice. < br /> - Yeah.
By the way, the sound is good.
- Good, that's good to hear. - Thank you for the measured compliment.
Let's put it this way, I have great hopes from here on out.
Oh, that's great.
You yourself are a playwright of some great awards.
Thank you very much.
- But I thought you had nailed it. - Thank
- You nailed the essence of drama script writing. - Thank you.
By the way, you know what Mike Nichols said to me.
- He said, there was... - Oh, you dropped something
Jesus Christ. Two minutes into the interview.
- Not that Mike Nichols. - Oh well. </ P>
He told me that RKO Pictures has a philosophy that if...
in their films, when the phone rings, if the news is sad,
you answer the phone happily.
And if it's good news, you answer the phone sadly. </ p >
I don't understand.
- Can I see this example? - Yes. Where is the phone?
Let's call Steve, okay.
We start.
Do you want to do a cross? Or do you want to sit down?
How do you want to do this?
I think I have to cross. We have to talk. </ P>
Is the news happy or sad? </ P>
- It will be sad. - This will be sad. </ P>
Oh, That's how it is...
I know, that's great. That's very funny...
Sorry.
GOOD!
Action one. Action one.
- I think it must be fair, I have to... - Yes ok.
I'm much worse in a banter that's okay than him, but I'll do my best
I will do my best, okay.
Ba, ba, ba, ba...
Oh my God.
Oh my God I'm so...
He is?
Did I tell you who told me the story?
- Who is that? - Mike Nichols
Oh my God! </ p >
Mike Nichols's podiatrist on 83rd Street
- Let's save it. - Do you want to save it?
- First of all, I take it - You took it Welcome to that
Everyone, by the way, take whatever you want
Whatever you want
Do you have memorabilia from the film,
the things you have taken are specific to you
- Yes. - Will you do you give their name now?
Oh!
I have my Three Amigos clothes.
- have you ever installed it? - did I ever put it down?
- you've used it - I don't want to go there now
- You can be deported very quickly. - [Gil] Yeah! </ P>
[applause]
- You know, Trump is doing a remake. - Oh , him?
Yeah, that's called No Amigos.
[Steve] yes
Have you ever known Trump in your relationship...
- I've never met him, no - never
He's not at a New York cocktail party?
- No. - No? </ P>
- That would be very unlikely, right? - Yes, that would be
- But you are an art collector. - Yes, that...
I have collected several paintings uh, all my life
I am happy to say that I have really gotten more money doing that than showing business.
- really - No, I'm kidding
Hello, who is that person?
Don't Jews master the art world?
- Do people think you are Jewish or not? - No, they don't
Oh, congratulations.
I can honestly say that there isn't one person.
You have never been stopped on the road? "Are you Jewish?" </ P>
- "Are you Jewish? - No. </ P>
The Presbyterian did not do that? " Are you a Presbyterian?
We need 10 Presbyterians
to make mayonnaise sandwiches, please come with us. "
There is always a crisis with Jews on the road.
Are you religious?
- No, not at all. - No?
- Have you ever believed in God? - Maybe when I was little.
But nothing more.
Is it magic... Is it because you believe in magic?
Yes, study... when I realize the card trick is actually a hoax,
- I say, there must be no God. - Yes.
You start rereading the miracle Jesus and you are like, "I know how to do it." </ P>
Plexiglass under water. </ P>
You just break the fish into several different parts.
- Or palming the fish. - Yeah, you palm of the fish and...
Oh, look what's here
What's tricky the first thing you learn? Do you remember?
That's really personal.
It might be a trick to buy a shop.
Not only tasty?
Well, I'll learn later. Yes.
- Are you still know a little? - I still know a little.
- Can you do it with french fries? - Sure.
[applause] </ p >
It's okay. It's okay.
That's for you.
Yeah that's right.
Oh okay.
- you have children now - I did
So what is it, like money wise? I mean, is this tighter now? </ P>
He paid for his own way. </ P>
It's working. It's beautiful. < br /> That's really cool.
And what do you do for fun?
I am a comedian, actor, writer, huh.
[babbling ]
You know, which do you really love?
When you are doing an amphitheater, Steve Martin, 1979.
You are doing an amphitheater You were doing the Hollywood Bowl.
What did you make that night?
Well, at that time, I was criticized for charging high prices. <
- What's that? - Ten dollars.
- You know how much this is... - I know.
I've been trying to get to your event for so long,
and I can't get a free ticket. </ P>
And then tonight, you say, if I can go on stage with you
You have to sell Picasso to enter here
You do that... You write...
- No , let him fight. - My answer is...
Uh, uh, uh.
Picasso on Lapin Agile,
This is the game you wrote. I am slim to something.
Wow, you made a great transition.
He covered me because I don't remember Lapin Agile,
- Yeah. What would you say? - Picasso in the Bistro.
I will say it Picasso at Au Bon Pain.
That's the French phrase for breakfast at LaGuardia
How did you first hear it? that this is a historical example
of Einstein and Picasso meeting in a bar
- This is artificial. - This is made up?
They have never met, as far as I know.
- They didn't meet? - No, I don't think they ever met.
I think everything is that they met...
Well, this is called a game!
- Yeah. - I mean, is this real?
- Alright, I'm sorry - I don't know
This?
Speaking of which, how do we get Uber in this case?
- did you do Uber? - I do,
What is your address?
Now, Steve, here it is...
Steve, here it is < br /> We have eaten French fries and our fake hamburgers,
and you haven't had one bite...
- [playing festive music] - God! </ P>
[Gil] Steve, Steve. </ P>
[George] This is unprecedented. </ P>
[Gil] This has never been /> happened before in our lives
- And see what you have... - Yes!
Oh my God.
♪ Too Many Tuna ♪
Steve!
Steve, which just came down from this prop
that we stole from Angels in America?
At first, I thought it was Rauschenberg.
No...
Look at the size of that thing. Look at this
Look at this damn Botero in front of you, huh?
Look at this size.
- Has a nice aroma too. - Yes. </ P>
What we do is mayonnaise and tuna,
and we prepare it and then we put it under the lights at 5 pm
And it looks like...
- You keep moving it from you. - Yeah.
- This is my subconscious - I know that
We follow it after...
Well, this is Chris Christie's longing, what is that
I don't know if you saw when Chris Christie is wearing a baseball uniform,
But he really squeezes it like that.
I hope the audience can see what I see
Yes. [laughs]
This is like Kandinsky painted on two sides.
Yes, this is Kandinsky.
Quite smart, yes, Steve?
Drama and the painting.
Good...
Do you like tuna?
Uh...
I like tuna, but I like pine nuts.
- Oh, pine nuts - We don't have it
- I like avocados. - Avocados are good. </ P>
I have learned the worst thing the tuna sandwich is tuna.
Yes!
Well, unfortunately for you,
You got a big damn mountain that's in front of you now
I have to say that this is actually, too much tuna for me
Yay!
♪ Too Many Tuna ♪
- Steve Martin, everything - Steve Martin, everyone
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
- Have a nice evening - I stole this from your pocket
- I'll keep my mic. - You want to save your mic?
I will save my mic so I can comment to the audience. </ P>
Save your mic and whenever you think some are not funny, tell us
- Ladies and gentlemen... - People around me now
Yes, Steve Martin, everyone! </ P>
♪ Too many Tuna ♪
[pat hand]
Steve just whispered to us.
He will be in the lobby after the show,
talking about the early days
And also , really great.
He wants to take it cellphone picture with you
Yes.
But he said, "Be sure to give your camera
for someone who doesn't know how to use it. "
You know, Steve, there is a beautiful story Behind the phrase, too much tuna.
You know, many years ago, We used to drink tunatinis.
Yes, that's him Martini based on tuna. </ p >
If it is not known as Martuna.
Or as is known in lesbian community, Martuna Navratilova.
And one day, the bartender made a mistake and Gil famously said,
"Too much tuna is here,
But the Martuna needs more tuna,"
and we laugh at it.
And you know, Steve,
we delivered that to Talk of the Town, and New Yorker magazine,
and they canceled our subscription. </ P>
Once again for Mr. Steve Martin.
[applause]
Wonderful work, yo.
And now, back to playing.
Actually , George, can we take five minutes My stomach is a little...
No, I'm good. </ P>
George and Gil have been expelled from their apartment,
even though they have a few adult children with guest rooms.
They live in Riverside Park.
[both] Oh, shit .
Can't believe we live on the park bench
We can live in the subway tunnel
if you don't blow it with moles.
Living in a park isn't so bad. I've met someone
She's very beautiful. Pretty glamorous.
It's Lisa's name. She's raccoon.
A new raccoon, how can you meet this one?
In the trash.
We both eat the same pizza from both sides,
like Lady and the Tramp.
That's adorable.
But in the case this, I ended up having sex with a raccoon.
You know, this is an open park, I see it.
New York was a city for artists and people who claim to be artists,
But those days are gone.
I hate being the first person who said it, but New York has changed.
Remember what the city used to be in the 1970s?
1970s Boys, isn't it? </ P>
[music drama]
In the late 1970s, New York went bankrupt, crime is a mess, and that's amazing! </ P>
Tires roll on a burning road.
And inside the tire, baby with a knife
In the 1970s, Broadway Theater is hell. <
There is no Disney theater.
Disney is only a man in California,
trying to freeze himself So he can live longer than Jews.
Going fast.
1980s
[playing rock music]
Ed Koch. Ed Koch.
Mayor of New York City, Ed Koch New York regulations with weak fists
Sexual politics changes.
Gil and I go to the queen show drag Made famous in Paris is Burning.
God, there are some < br /> beautiful girls.
Those are guys, George.
They are girls, remember, they are dressed.
No , they dragged the queen, They are men dressed...
No no No. I blew a girl.
Wait a minute.
Where I parked
Flash forward, 1989.
The Berlin Wall fell.
Everything is bad
But the Iron Curtain was destroyed , so many years later,
Vladimir Putin and Donald Trump can ride without clothes riding horses
for charred human remains.
Moving fast.
1990s
[music drama]
Mad About You, pesto sauce,
O. J. Simpson broke 45 years did not kill. </ P>
O. J. Simpson killed The two people were so hard,
they stopped making the Ford Bronco. </ P>
Can you imagine doing something so chaotic, </ p >
No more Toyota Camry?
[quick beat]
While on the East Coast,
Sieg heil, Rudy Giuliani
< New York rules with the Gestapo tactics.
Excuse me, that person recovered from all pornography in Times Square,
Now you have to walk one block west to 8th Avenue?
And now Avenue 8 is this free space.
You go to 44 and 8th /> to the workspace?
What's the name again, Shake Shack?
[music stops]
Oh, yes, come on our Wacky Shack < br /> and we will get rid of you,
and there is a bunch of damn families get out of there
While waiting, this vibrates the plug butt to stick to your upright.
So I took this bad thing and pushed it into my prostate,
while I released myself from me.
And I am one /> that was thrown out?
But Rudy Giuliani, he's really a hero of 9-11
because nobody else is the mayor of the day.
September 11
until September 19, 2012
Steely and played the Beacon Theater
for nine consecutive nights,
and his voice filled the air of New York. </ p >
[both] ♪ Speaking of Sweet Rosalie ♪
♪ She works on five and a dime ♪
[imitating guitar]
♪ Train back to Hackensack with rosemary wine ♪
[yodeling]
♪ I'm sad, cocaine ♪
♪ Snort ♪
♪ We both like cocaine ♪
[both] Oh, shit. </ P>
I started thinking that song doesn't even exist
Maybe that just a dream, like our time in Manhattan.
[phone rings]
Suddenly, there is a telephone.
Gil gets up and crosses the stage correctly to answer the phone
But he doesn't pick up the receiver
and the sound effect continues until he does,
- So this time, Ravi is waiting. - Oh!
[ringing]
[audience laughs]
You like really poor Steve Martin. </ P>
Yeah, alright. </ P>
May I ask... Give me a few examples. </ P>
Gray hair to gray hair. </ P>
Someone who, in his case, There are actually a few things. </ P>
And I'm really poor. </ P >
You are someone who claims to be a playwright.
This is our first successful performance.
- you believe that now - After everything we have.
My version of The Color Purple is good.
After all, it's a one-man show.
It's a one-man show
called The Color Purple where I only wear a chicken ring
Yes. </ P>
And then remember when I was directed the Bye Bye Birdie version
sponsored by Grindr called Bi-Curious Bye. </ P>
Yes.
Maybe Steve will help us out with our Terri Schiavo musical.
[ringing]
- You mean you are delaying , You Lost? - Yeah. </ P>
Let me take the phone
[laughs]
[sobbing sobbing]
Oh, hello? </ P>
Head of New York One? </ P>
Who are you
You see Too Much Tuna, You like it,
You want to make it a TV show
and pay us enough money that we can pay our rent and then some?
Well, head of New York One, I'm happy to say to you,
no thanks, see you soon
What? "No thanks, goodbye"?
We only get enough money /> to save our apartment
by doing Too Much Tuna, and you say, "No thanks, goodbye"?
I'm not an ordinary person, George !
Jesus Christ! Again with our character differences?
[audience laughs]
- I have not really been honest with You - Be really honest
I don't want to leave the park. </ P>
Things get very serious with me and Lisa
You know, he became a Yoko between us.
A Yoko raccoon. Raccoko!
- Separate him. - I can't
- Kick him to the side of the road. - No, they like sidewalks.
Just throw him away He's a raccoon. He
George, he's pregnant!
Lisa is pregnant and it's my raccoon baby.
You don't use protection? </ p >
He said he was taking the pill.
Maybe I just saw him eat Advil from a puddle.
What will we do? Kill him, go through town? </ P>
No! I'll marry him, George! </ P>
He wants to convert. </ P>
He took classes with Rabbis
Backpacks and Rabbits sitting across the table from each other?
That's like every New Yorker cartoon put together.
- I'm happy for you - thank you
It's just that, I've never had money before and I want some.
There are things you want I bought it.
[melodramatic music]
Things I've never told anyone about before
What is it like, George?
I want to rent out all the new Kia Sorento.
I want to buy ThunderShirt.
This is a shirt that you pack a dog who is panicking,
and dogs stop panicking, mostly.
Two things I want...
Oh, George, I don't know. <
How can I tell anyone?
Growing up in my family, Boys don't rent Sorentos.
Because Kia isn't a car brand.
It's like a brand recently. I don't know
Alright, I'll do too much tuna in New York One with you
Alright , Gil...
But wait a minute. </ P>
You leave the park so fast. </ P>
Is everything okay with Lisa? </ P>
George, I just got a text message.
It turns out that Lisa is the navel with a thief's mask!
- again? - Thrice! </ p >
New York One, number one channel chronologically!
[high note]
We are now at the midpoint of Act One.
At this time in the drama, we will add surreal ballet.
Well, this is hoping to win
who will take you and us
walk, walk, get out of our comfort zone.
This dance is choreographed by an old Asian woman
doing tai chi in Prospect Park.
George and Gil descend the stairs like two walking Swastika.
We are now at the cemetery that you saw on the way to LaGuardia.
[making airplane sounds]
We saw Ed Koch's tomb
The grave of Ed Koch,
a symbol of a dead New York.
But from LaGuardia, we see the beautiful horizon of New York
with the phallus of the father's light from the Empire State Building.
Do it and the nipples of the mother from the San Remo apartment tower.
Oh, my God, look at the audience get everything turned on
Like they were in regional production from Chicago
The front row is trying to hide their anger under the dry iceberg.
You know, this is not a sex show.
- This is primal art. - this is prehistoric
Mother's father.
And dear?
We see baby tuna, we have to go there
We go to care for our tuna baby, but...
[tuna laughs]
The baby is a devil.
The baby is possessed by a demon
like when Mia Farrow has that bad child
- Soon-Yi? /> - Right. </ P>
After Soon-Yi's solid fire, we run away. </ P>
- Gil, where are you - Where is my friend George? </ P>
Gil, save yourself Fly away. </ P>
Oh no. I don't need to fly. I'll run away with you. It's okay.
You remember, if you believe, you can fly!
George, I'm not really attached.
This isn't a good idea. Damn, no. I won't do it. </ P>
I saw too much production Spider-Man where a man died. </ P>
I didn't do it.
Good. Gil and George are now safe from monster tuna.
[roars]
[both] It looks expensive.
[cackling]
That Too Much Tuna...
trademark.
There are so many production values.
George and Gil are now really dizzy so they kneel.
And then a bridge poses, and then Martha Graham,
and then we lie down.
[applause]
Ravi.
This is George.
I'm on the floor.
My blood sugar is crashing.
Can you take me? Ferrero Rocher chocolate? </ p >
Or Lindt Lindor truffles?
My favorite taste is blue.
Ravi, this is Gil Faizon, fascinated I'm sure.
Will you go to bodega for me?
and get me a box from cereal Kashi's best friend?
The tallest and most dusty box you can find.
Ravi.
This is George, I'm on the floor.
I want you to go to Just Salad,
at like, 1 pm when they are busiest.
And just on line and become like, "Now, let's see, how does it work?"
Ravi, this is Gil Faizon.
Will you go to Chipotle and get a big bowl of Ebola?
Ravi!
Will you go to any pizza place in New York
and bring me the most blazing sun headshot of Danny Aiello? <
Ravi, this is Gil Faizon, fascinated, I'm on the floor.
Will you go to Magnolia Bakery
as shown in Sex and the City walking tour
and just opening fire?
Ravi!
Will you go to Long Island City, Queens, Because I don't want to.
OK, the nap time is over.
Going fast.
One year later.
George and Gil is in New York One and lives on top of the world. </ P>
Gil can't stand because he has a polenta body. </ P>
Meaning, everything is united
Gil now stands like a toddler on YouTube videos
Flash forward, one year later.
Too Many Tuna is a big hit show throughout Tri State Area,
and George and Gil live a high life. </ P>
They can get a table at La Famiglia Pizza in port of authority
whenever they want
George finally was able to to fly JetBlue Mint
from JFK to LaGuardia.
And Gil fulfilled his dream long life try biscotti,
and it's not worth doing.
George comes back in
in a view that can only be explained as safari pussy.
[techno music]
We are now at the company location and successful Too Much Tuna.
God, people treat me in a different way Now I'm famous.
It's like a sudden, jewelry shop Have a bathroom that I can use. </ p >
Hey, what's up, everyone?
- Hey, grandma's room - Oh, hi.
Oh, good you have a craft service what I like
Watermelon in the fridge for three weeks,
so that when you eat it, It's like spicy.
Hey, Gil, let's take a photo of the press. </ P>
[camera click]
We will be on the cover from Wired magazine
because anyone can.
Things really change.
Do you know that black high school I live?
Ordinary kids scream , "Hey, shiboy fruity booty" or
"Look at that bastard looking away."
Now when I'm passing by, they all just grumble and scream,
"Wheat-cream Nigga gets a TV show."
Alright, let's work, everything.
Now our mascot has arrived.
- Hey, what's up, Tony? - Hello, Tony Tuna, how's your weekend?
Oh, my God, he uses it again. </ P>
I don't want to say anything But he won't go to the meeting again. </ P>
Jesus! </ P>
That's his new girlfriend. He helped him do cocaine. </ P>
- Because he doesn't have a weapon. - Who, Tony? </ P>
- No, he's a sandwich with eyeball. - [telephone ring]
- Oh, hello? - Oh, hello?
What? No, New York One, please, it's unacceptable
Apa? Ini bukan ponsel?
Did you hear what New York One will appear on our show?
They want to turn us into a clam show called "That & apos; s A Lot-o Clamato" ?
That is a terrible title.
I will call it, "You Got Clam Juice, You are White Trash Idiot."
George, uh,
I don't know if you remember But I said, I have to be Gil,
I have to get out of this rat race I won't work for Clamato.
So none of us will do it.
Gil, we will face the president from New York One,
and tell him our integrity not for sale
Great! So let's take the subway, which is 4-5?
No, let's go up R then the way.
Shake!
[dramatic music]
The climax of the game.
We are now in luxury, billion dollars New York One headquarters.
Ada glass trophy case,
filled with Xeroxes from other Emmy Awards.
- George... - Gil and...
Gil and George, armed with their integrity,
- ready to fight with the evil one... - George, please, I just need... </ p >
who, tonight, in a very special treat for us,
and for everyone here,
played by Broadway legends, Mr. Matthew Broderick! </ P>
- Holding! - Holding? Shit! </ P>
Matthew, no Don't come out We are detained.
What does it hold?
I have to go to the bathroom.
- No, you will hold it. - I have been holding it since Steve Martin.
Please. Please, don't do this to us, okay?
You are an adult You can control your stomach.
No, this is pointed.
[audience laughs]
Can we rest?
No! No damn breaks!
They spoil the flow of the show.
Will you stop the Super Bowl halfway to do a lot bullshit?
You don't go to go to the bathroom
[soft moans]
OK, I'm not... </ p >
I don't need to go to the bathroom again
Kemari. Let me talk a little with you. Come here.
Apakah Anda hanya mengambil kotoran di korduroi acara Anda?
Are you just taking shit in your show corduroy?
No!
Damn it!
We don't have double that of them !
Lights, Ravi.
What?
George Reddington don't want to turn on the lights
I'm no longer George Reddington .
I am George St. Geegland and you are Gil Faizon,
and this is finished because you ruin it
Matthew Broderick is waiting right behind that door.
Waiting to come out and act, and you ruin it!
George, I'm Peter Pan.
I don't know when I will grow up > or when I'm going to the bathroom
That's what fascinated me so much, I'm sure.
Unless you're not charming, Gil.
Richard Dreyfuss, he charming.
But you're not a fool.
I don't believe CBS people want to give you a job through that voice!
What did you just say? </ p >
N-no
You're only saying that CBS wants me for magic work?
No, I'm just delirious.
I am very sick. </ P>
It won't work for me. I know it's sheep's blood. </ P>
Alright, if I were you, I would just drop this right now.
How can I drop this, George? It's an opportunity that changed my life.
Just drop it, before I have it to start shouting revelation.
- I can handle it - You ordered it!
You ordered a CBS voice over job! You ordered it!
And I took the message and I lied to you!
I lied to my best friend and I love every second!
Is that what you want to hear , huh?
Do you want to hear it how messed up am I inside?
Who took
- Why is that important? - George ?
At least I told me,
who climbed CBS higher responded?
The first or the second, George?
Just because I know how much you appreciate feedback
Most of the higher rises respond to the first take.
This is [high tone] CBS, baby!
You go too big You go too big
Kamu selalu pergi terlalu besar Anda akan mempermalukan diri sendiri.
- And I protect you - Protect me, from what?
I am the strongest actor in New York, Your words.
I lie to you, Gil.
[crowd awes]
You think you are the strongest actor in New York?
There are seven people in front of you.
one name - Bobby Cannavale, Stanley Tucci,
Oliver Platt, Liev Schreiber,
Vincent D & apos; Onofrio, Nathan Lane, Griffin Dunne. </ P>
No, excuse me. Griffin Dunne isn't based in New York. </ P>
What are you saying? </ P>
Oh sorry me, Because the last time I checked,
Griffin Dunne lives in Rhinebeck
and can be in Manhattan in one hour and 15 minutes! </ p >
And every damn casting director in town knows that,
How dare you pretend not?
How dare you pretend not to know
Griffin Dunne's residence?
No no.
George, if you...
[groans]
If you don't apologize for me now, then,
I'm walking, the game is over!
If you have ordered the job,
we will hang out for less.
I never apologized.
Then I think I'll say goodbye.
Goodbye.
Thank you for coming to the show.
So glad you guys are holding hands like that.
You don't have to stop holding hands.
My guess is, you made a choice to hold old hands,
and then you are like, "How do we violate hands holding this hand?"
See you
I look outside in the crowd, I thought Ruth is dating Bill Clinton. </ P>
Goodbye, thank you for coming. Sorry. </ P>
Goodbye. Steve, an honor, really.
Goodbye.
- How old are you? - sixteen
What about you? - I was only 14 years old. </ P>
You're only 14? Do you like all this? </ P>
[Gil] Goodbye
But I guess I'm will miss you very much, mezzanine and balcony!
[applause]
Wait, Gil, wait.
Go kiss your girlfriend, you fag. Fuck you
You know what, I don't need you.
- Well, tell me, how does the toaster work? - Gremlins
You know what, we don't need each other.
Ladies and gentlemen, please enjoy Gil Faizon's new program
that he wrote himself,
Oh, hello and welcome to Gilspeare In The Park.
and as Juliet, We have Lisa, raccoon.
Oh, my sweet Juliet died.
I shouldn't check it out if he just sleeps
I think I'll also kill myself.
No one else says it, but Shakespeare is a damn hack, okay?
Yes, hello, ASPCA?
Hi, I wonder.
Who am I calling, if I know men adult who fucks raccoons?
Oh, is that 3-1-1 for? Oh okay.
♪ I just met a raccoon named Lisa ♪
Hey, young lady , you're 14?
What is Steely Dan's favorite album?
What, you don't know much? About Steely Dan?
Ha ha ha.
Hey, ha, ha.
Hey, you all don't know much about Steely And?
Because of a bunch of games... Damn it! </ P>
Hey, Ravi, what are you doing After the show, you want to hang out? </ P>
We can go to your boarding room at NYU Tisch
and talk about gender loyalty.
[Gil] Oh, no Gosh.
[shrill]
[ George] originally 1964 Fiddler on the roof of the curtain. </ P>
[Gil] Apakah kita memiliki ini sepanjang waktu?
[George] Faizon
Random to see you here.
[Gil] What's up, G St. G, how is your call? </ P>
They are good. Make lots of friends in the audience. </ P>
There is no one out there for me. </ P>
The world just passed me. </ P>
Like I have a clipboard for gay rights. </ P>
[audience laughs]
Yeah, well the band called me and said I can't make raccoons anymore.
This game is a disaster.
You are aware of the audience don't even know who Steely Dan is.
They know the name Steely Dan.
[both] But they don't know specifically.
- Even Ravi blew me. - Dear Ravi
I'm too
- Ravi, hey, that's George. - And Gil, fascinated I'm sure.
Ravi, we just talked.
I hate thinking of what I think is our funny banter,
If yes, we are very sorry.
Please lift Fiddler curtains?
Thank you.
Ravi, you're a good man.
Ravi, you know the letter do you need for credit of course on your internship?
We are very busy now.
Limit, human
Gil?
I am very sorry that I lied to you a life-changing voice opportunity,
and then intimidated you for 40 years.
George, I am very sorry br /> that I really didn't make a mistake.
One day, I will forgive you.
[audience] Woo!
[applause]
Gil Faizon, will you respect me,
perform with me the last scene of this drama,
as written
Alright.
[smooth jazz drama]
Meep meep.
Flash forward, Christmas time.
We go back to Gil and George great New York City midtown restaurant,
but a lot of time has passed, everything is different now
Familiar atmosphere, but something went wrong
Like when your housekeeper brought his child
Gil and George haven't seen each other for years.
Gil's been often hang out with Tony Tuna lately.
Even though Tony got in and out of rehab, but...
Gil didn't judge him.
Because I was one selling cocaine
Oh, no, it's okay, maid. I have my own chair.
Excuse me.
Has anyone ever told you? that you look so terrible like Gil Stone?
Yes, sometimes I understand. [chuckles]
- George? - George Reddington
- We've been... - [both] roommates for 40 years.
Tony Tuna is here He has a mustache now.
To show that time has passed. </ P>
Wow, Gil Stone. </ P>
Hey, you remember years ago When we deal with Matthew Broderick
who is still waiting right behind that door
And look now, you are in Hollywood and you are a big star.
where am I Play the secret agent trying to protect his family called,
"How dare you steal my daughter?"
But me? You, you are number one novelist in America
I guess the vampire series my young adult, Dracula skateboarding went pretty well.
It's pretty good, 15 million copies in one day it's not too shabby.
Yes, but most of those teenagers only bought the book
because in it, I explained how to make a bomb.
[keys]
- Is that your new novel? - this? No. </ P>
A new game that I am running. </ P>
Frankly, it's about me and you.
Well, Tony Tuna and Too Much Tuna and raccoons,
and find your way in the world.
George, this is the best game I've read
Terima kasih.
- I guess I only have one question. - Of course.
What is the end?
New York City.
One million people.
One million stories are different.
And that doesn't even count... commuters.
Oh, servants, I will....
Well, I'll have two more root beer, please
[applause]
[music]
Ravi at the booth.
Mr. Steve Martin.
♪ Cocaine ♪
♪ We both love cocaine ♪
Big It was very fun.
- Can you get some slices? - Get one for yourself.
- Pizza do you want? - Good pizza
You want pizza
♪ Rosalie is sweet She works on five and a dime ♪
♪ The train returns to Hackensack With rosemary wine ♪
♪ Yo deeedle doe dee ♪
♪ Cocaine!
♪ We're the same- Like cocaine ♪