Hello. I should use a microphone.
Hi.
God.
Thank you.
That is the perfect number of applause.
I don't have to stand here too awkwardly long
Thank you for coming. I'm Jen
If you don't know, maybe you enter, Now you have fun with me.
Um...
That has caught my attention by a doctor,
some independent yoga teachers, and all those who have met me
that I am joined high.
And... it's been suggested... therapy isn't enough,
that I need to meditate.
So, now, I am one of these people who meditate.
And with "I meditate," I mean, "I never meditate."
But...
I have a meditation playlist, some gongs go, "gong, gong."
I have an application, I think about meditation.
I have a meditation chair in my living room
You also have it. It's just a fucking chair.
But...
I put the candle beside it and I call it my meditation chair, huh.
And when you come, I show you,
"Oh, don't mind that, that's all, um... That's my meditation chair, yeah. No, every morning I wake up and I think about doing it and I don't do it. I wake up and I... sit in it and take a few deep breaths.
Don't be intimidated, you can sit in it if you want. Yes, this is not...
Not everyone in the spiritual field the same,
but we have no rules
in this... happy to go home with a chair and...
Don't worry about why the candle has never been lit, just... "
But this one day, I did meditate because I had to do something important.
I want to write and I want someone to pay me for it.
I want an interview and I want to get it.
So, if you say, There is a slight nerve in the morning.
I think Maybe I will try this meditation thing
what everyone is talking about
And I do it about five minutes meditation.
And if you aren't impressed with that, then you never meditate.
Because after five seconds, you like, "Why did God stop time?"
Five minutes are long to clear your mind of things and I do it.
And I wake up and get out of it and I like:
"Oh, I understand what everyone is talking about. I feel very...
Like, I can handle anything. If I don't have to leave home today, I can really handle anything . "
But I have to leave home. So, I entered my car and I drive in traffic in Los Angeles 9 a.m.
When I see the green light, I'm like, "Green beauty."
And I'm trying to find out What does green mean, like, at a deeper level.
And I'm like, "Green, what can I say to me?"
And I didn't realize at the time,
What I need to know about green that means fucking go
So, I, "Green," and I began to slow down.
And the people behind me start losing it
because they are late for work.
And that's how they are, "beeping!" and they sound their horns and horns,
and I'm like, "Oh, now it's yellow. Oh, red. Oh, that's fun."
And I realized... I stopped on a red light, normal,
but I really stopped at the green light. And then I realized, "Oh, my God, I...
I messed up these people." That can make a difference
between them being early and late. People behind are very upset like:
I saw it in the rearview mirror. And I just... I feel very calm,
because I meditated. Yes so...
I just turned around and gave him a wave It just said like, "I'm very sorry.
I'm sorry you thought You're late for work, but...
You don't know what I know.
There is no time, yes, yes. "
I'm even embarrassed to say that I heard the horn
It doesn't really meditate from me.
Is that sound, isn't it? That...
That's just the meaning I'm placed on it, right?
I've been able to hear anything. I've been able to hear butterflies eating sweets.
So... I'm driving, feel very good about myself,
and only, like... Much better than other people who are very angry And that is that meditation, is to feel superior to others.
So...
I turn the corner and we go to the next traffic light...
and I pulled it and so did the man Behind me was all upset.
And I have an open sunroof, window below
I'm very happy to be able.
Again, did I mention it? I meditated that morning?
And the man next to me,
what do you think about Los Angeles if you haven't
A man with a producer, is kind of chewing a cigar,
bald, rather fat, in the red BMW, Maybe 50, two divorces.
And he sat there and he was annoyed at me.
And he was in his car... and he just looked up and left,
"Hey, idiot, What did you do at that time?"
And I just sit in my car like:
"I meditate today.
Can't be angry
How does it feel to kill him? Don't think about it."
So, he shouted again, "Hey, stupid, what did you do at that time?
Sending your girlfriend?"
That one caught me.
Because I don't have a boyfriend and I'm not happy with that.
Then I'm upset. I like, "He thinks I text my girlfriend?
That's what he thinks when a woman makes a traffic mistake?
It's always about a man. Whenever you see a stack of five cars,
It's like, 'Are you going home for dinner? or not? '"You know?
So, I'm like, " This person won't bully me.
Fuck this I don't care about meditation. Everyone is angry.
I'm not a saint. "
It doesn't mean they meditate, but whatever they do
So, I put the car in the park and I stand in my seat
about what he did like him, "Oh, my God, I have to think
before I speak and put myself in someone else's shoes.
You never know what someone is experiencing.
So, I told him something was right, That is, I really said it.
Content is not true.
I said, "What did I do? I am thinking.
I just found out my mother died this morning. "
I didn't say that I was a good person, I just said I was meditating.
He said," You're still stupid. " And I'm like:
"What kind of person said it to someone whose mother just died?"
He doesn't, he doesn't know. He is a bad person.
I am the winner of this story.
And then I just lost it.
And I went, "Oh, go on your car."
I also don't know what that means, but I just...
I have to keep going, like I know what I'm talking about
Like, "Yeah, hold your penis. in the exhaust, buddy.
And what, you...? You tell young girls You will put them in the film?
You don't have a movie to put it in. You are a loser
And the light turns green and he...
The light turns green and he leaves.
That's what you do in the green light, you go
So, when he drove, he shouted, "You're crazy." And I like:
And I shouted out of... From the passenger seat sunroof:
"I'm not crazy. I'm meditating today, motherfucker."
Thank you.
Which is an ancient song from the Buddha.
So... But then I thought... My adrenaline left, I trembled.
And I went, "Damn, all this happened and I meditated today. What if I don't, you know?"
And there are only a few lessons for you guys, don't call crazy women
unless you want to see a woman go fucking crazy, okay Don't do it
Save yourself. If you want to see... If you want to tell a woman that she is crazy,
just call him calm
That will only throw us away and everything is gone. Just leave,
"Hey, you're really calm right now."
"Oh, thank you, a psychic told me I am very calm. Thank you.
What do we fight for? I don't even know."
So... I drive and I like:
"Okay, take it easy. Adrenaline will go down."
I'm heading for the next traffic light. The lamp of this lantern has never changed.
The man is there again and I like it, "Okay, don't start anything, Jen.
Stay in your path and, literally, don't become or look crazy."
So, I use music and I'm having fun as usual.
"Look at me, I'm not crazy at all.
I'm not just shouting, "I'm meditating, motherfucker."
I am fun and happy. "
And he looked at me and he shouted at my car,
" Hey... sorry about your mother. "
And I like, " Oh, shit, I forgot my mother died. "
So, you know...
Suddenly I was annoyed, I went:
"Oh, I know, this is a difficult morning. So many documents. "
What? I don't know... what is that...?
Why is there a document so fast, one hour?
If it's real, he lives in Boston, I live on L.A.
he died an hour ago, there is a document, do I have a fax machine
It's like, "Someone dies, come on," do you know?
So, he looked at me and left,
"Okay, honey, we're a bit hot, but I hope you have a good day
whatever you do And I'm like," You're human too. "
And he leaves and I start to sob . I'm like, "Oh, my God.
So full of emotion, you know. I don't know if it's only my mother or just... me...
That's just kind of... You know, I've talked to two people this morning already
and I will never do that, But it's meditation,
it brings us together.
This is very strong. "
So, I parked the car.
I am no longer crying, or excited, or crazy, or demeaning because I meditated.
And I entered this meeting, introduced myself, we have chat,
they will pay me, I will do the work, I nail it.
I am like, "I shouldn't be allowed to do that.
I shouldn't be allowed to be normal Because I act like a crazy person. "
Why don't they need to know what I do
You are allowed to enter the building and be whatever you want even though you scream. I don't believe we do that, but we do it.
I like, "But sex prostitutes are registered. Don't do it."
I feel like, I have to... When I'm crazy like that,
I have to be treated like registered sex offenders.
Like, they have to go door to door. "I'm your neighbor. I have something in my past." Like, I have to go to a meeting,
like, "Hello, I'm a good person, But I just shouted, 'I meditate today,'
in the middle of the road and..." But I just escaped.
It's like... If you ever go to a party
and you are in the car with your partner and only... you hate them and you like:
"The clothes are not suitable.
What's funny you talk to? about how much you love your mother
and she used to put you in these clothes. She's fucking sucked
Teaching you how to dress. = Oh, yes, I will start with your mother. Oh, yes, me. Oh yes I am.
Oh no. No, don't even... No, no, no.
What do you know? I want to go to this party for five minutes and I don't want to see you They are my friends, not mine. "
Then you go in," Hey, I brought a muffin, "and you're like...
You want to stay all night " Don't we have fun? "
She's in the corner and your friend like:
"Isn't he great?" And he is like, "He is very great."
And you go back to the car and you forget about the fight from before
and you like, "Isn't that a muffin the good one? I'm great."
And he just saw you like it, "Shut up, I know who you really are."
I know you might be able to feel it I'm a little badass. Um...
No... I didn't mean because of that story, But you can say that I have a tattoo.
I know you can.
Um...
I have... Not everyone gets it, you know.
There are badasses and the rest of you and, um...
But I have a tattoo and I will only have it.
I think the whole tattoo is very similar to children.
Like, first of all, some people want it,
some people don't want one, some people want a lot, like...
And all their arms and it seems like a lot of work. But...
But you go somewhere, you lie down, there is a lot of pain and you like:
"God, I hope I like it, it's permanent."
I see...
So, I have a tattoo is not a child.
And... So, for me, I'm one of the one-and-doner types.
So, you know that my tattoo must be very meaningful right? If...
If you have ever thought of getting a tattoo, you think about it for a while.
"I don't want to get something stupid to have something that means something."
And I have been waiting for my whole life to find something concise it means something that I can use my body permanently.
I thought of something several years ago and I like:
"Don't do it, give it another year
and if you still think about it, do it." That's what I did.
And I'm inspired by my friend who got a tattoo from his grandfather's name on his wrist and his birthday
because he has an amazing story, so...
I... my friend's grandfather survived the Holocaust
because he is a Nazi.
But...
No, that's... alright.
Sorry.
That...
That's just a fun joke. Not that...
I don't make you wake up, Actually there is a story about my friend.
I just have to give up because of him...
My friend's grandfather survived the Holocaust And my friend, just like his father and his father's father,
and like many of us in this country, suffer from depression and anxiety
And the story he must know is is the story of the survival of his mind.
While in the camp, he will say a prayer of thanks to God
and say, "I don't... If this should end this way, fine, but thank you for making me and not one of the bad guys.
Thank you for pouring out love in my heart. " And it is mind-blowing.
Of course you put that person's name on your wrist
The most beautiful story I've ever heard.
And I don't have someone in my family like that.
ME...
I come from a Catholic family from Boston
and we don't talk to God like that.
We don't like God. We are angry with God and we think he is angry with us.
Jennifer, why do you have gratitude? because God is so evil to you?
Maybe he will think you like him there and he will hold you there.
We don't bother God with all this gratitude
unless something good happens.
Nothing bad has happened in our family, but it can
and we will complain beforehand and we will remain vigilant.
So, there's no tattoo Whatever our family says. "
So, I have to go somewhere else.
So, I will show you my... my tattoo... and then I will explain it.
It says, "JKL," which stands for JK life,
who stands to stay alive,
namely Matthew McConaughey's slogan.
Thank you.
This tattoo is not ironic at all.
I mean with all my heart.
Continue to live... inspire me.
And I did not commit suicide.
But I am a soul trapped in the body. I don't ask to be born
and I'm afraid of death. And that's the nonsense that I live every day.
And so on...
Yes.
I like what you like. "Yes, right, we are stuck!"
Before you judge, or if you think I'm fair some Hollywood superficial people. No, no, no.
There is a story behind "stay alive."
Just like my friend has a story Behind his grandfather's tattoo.
So, I'm at the nail salon and I'm having a bad day...
but I don't know why I had a bad day. I just don't feel well.
Physically, I feel fine.
Mentally, not into it.
So, I'm rolling People magazine
and I saw an article about Matthew McConaughey.
Well, he also had a hard day.
I'm not sure why you laugh. This is very serious He is filming Dazed and Confused and he knows he will be a big star,
But his father is dying, so, he is like:
"Something good and something bad is happening together. Well, I guess I should stay alive."
And then it becomes the slogan.
And I see You are not moved to silence it because you are a Holocaust story.
And it's okay. Different things for different people.
The thing about this tattoo is it in an uncomfortable place
If my friend has a bad day, he can remind himself,
"Not as bad as my grandfather has," by going like this
I must like:
"I will take this plane soon, . I have a bad day,
and I need a reminder... Go... Please. Go. Continue."
People say things about tattoos like, "You will regret it, it looks stupid."
I'm like, "This looks stupid now, . I'm ready. Thank you."
I understand, uh... I really got the tattoo on my birthday last year.
Didn't do something fun for my birthday this year. Have a present from mom.
That's not my only gift, But he handed me this piece of paper.
Um...
He did it now that he is getting older I don't know if he made a will, but it seems like he sent me an item
and give me things whenever I meet him and that is always a dramatic speech.
"Jennifer, I have to give this to you
because if I die How do you know I have it? "
I went," I will search the house. Yeah, I'll get everything, don't worry. "
But he gave me this thing and is as old as me.
He is 42 years old.
This is the piece of paper they gave him. When he left the hospital with me
When I was a little baby
I know, it's very funny. I weighed seven and a half pounds when I was born. So thin. Now I'm 42 years old and I've discussed this before,
You know, when we talk about it Praising women and men too,
Tell their people to look young. This is a scary thing.
Don't do this for people, okay? Stop praising people by saying,
"You don't see your age." Do not do it.
I don't like it When women in their 20s like:
"Oh, my God, I think your age is old." Not praise. I'm in my 20s.
I don't want to look like I have four annoying roommates and towels.
I don't want to look like that. So...
Thank you.
I'm the only one I know that love is called "Mom." I like it. I...
Whenever someone leaves, "Your change, madam,"
I like, "You know, thank you. I have a truly rich and multilevel life. Yes. I, um...
No, I have time to tell you.
I have a pager, sure, yes. ME...
I was a cashier before scanning technology, made a change in my head
And I was around Bruce Willis thought he had to record an R & B album.
So, yes.
Survivor, it looks a lot. Thank you. "
After all, my mother gave me this.
This is all they gave in the 70s when you had children,
the creature you have to take care of. Even 8-once-10.
"Here it is. See you later."
This I find very strange.
It is said, "Friends and relatives, These people are interested in your baby."
Oh, thank you.
"And they want to hold and hug him."
Oh, they don't have daughters in the 70s.
"We must be careful with you to keep visitors away from your baby.
A newborn is best kept as much as possible for himself."
Different from now. I go to my friend's house, they are like:
"Look at the baby, swing the baby, You can breastfeed the baby. It's okay."
But in the 70s, like, "Joyce, don't you have a baby?"
"Yeah, three months ago."
"Where is he?" "He is in another room.
We haven't brought it out yet.
You know, they said, the doctor said
too much seeing, and touching, and fussy, that...
this can cause a sense of well-being, so we don't want it, we will just...
don't look at him. "
But...
Can't you feed the baby,
put him in another room where no friends or family can see him...
If five minutes pass, you can check and see if there are no pins inside him?
If it's not there, go away, "I think he will cry for a while."
But, no, this says three hours.
You can see movies in three hours. But you don't have a VCR at that time.
So, you have to go to the movies and you can come all the way back,
and only 15 minutes left before you check your child
"Should we check it out?" "It's said three hours. We don't want to smother."
"You are right, we have 15. For me to drink, then we will enter, I will..." So...
I basically knew that I had just been thrown into another room
with pins sticking in I grew up.
That's why I'm very comfortable alone and I do acupuncture.
But, um...
I travel alone, . I went to Italy alone this year.
And that causes a lot of reactions from people You would think I said, "I started a race riot this year."
People like, "What? What are you doing?"
People are very scared alone.
Like, I like being alone. I think that's good.
People like, "How do you do it?"
How do I decide that I don't like others and make sure I'm not around?
Very easy. People like:
"I don't even want to go to the cinema."
Why do you want to go? with others
What can you do in the cinema with other people
besides annoying them or something?
Nothing can be done in theaters.
And I'm an adult woman.
I don't care if people think I'm a loser because I'm alone.
I was very happy for this trip before people began to suppress it.
My father said, "Are you not afraid of ISIS?
ISIS is everywhere Fear of ISIS
I am like," Who... I am a woman. I have no time to be afraid of ISIS.
I'm just busy scared plain old man Are you kidding me? "
You ever walked in front of a bar at 1 o'clock in the morning when dudes in a baseball cap came out?
Fuck ISIS. ISIS is adorable.
ISIS has a costume and a beard, looks like a bartender
ISIS, they are not... I am not afraid at all.
I see...
I packed up for my trip and I thought like, "Where should I go?"
Like, you know, I made a list, like, where I will see and what I will do
Then I googled right at the last minute, Because I booked a trip to Venice.
I just Googled,
"What is the safest place in Italy? where are women not raped?"
- Oh! - "Oh, Oh, he said rape."
Let me fucking tell you something.
Rape is there, I will talk about it. That's not a joke, it's a fact.
I saw that because I didn't want to be raped.
I will stop talking about rape When men stop raping.
So, don't give me your anger, "Ooh, oh, oh!"
I see...
But it's true, there is a website for this Well, it's only yelp.
There must be... There must be a "Relp" for like, "Where will I be raped? Help."
So you go on that website.
So... I feel very safe in Venice,
and if anyone cares about me getting out of it Without injury, this is a very safe time.
But people told me:
"Don't you better wait for and go with men?"
Not for security, it's just not fun to leave, I think, without a man.
And I'm in a relationship and that's what surprised people again.
"Why isn't he leaving?"
Because I'm a comedian, I happened to be in Europe for some work too.
I thought I'd go there to Italy for a few days,
and he has a job and so he can't just do it.
And they're like, "He's rude." I'm like, "No, no, he is just...
He only has a different job, and I have free time, and...
It will be in vain not to go to Italy, Only two hours left. "
And they are like, "He must be by your side for this."
I'm like, "This isn't chemo. I'm just on my way.
Everything is good, they have food there, they have wine,
they have people talking, Same as here, like here. "
But I don't understand. Obviously, you sometimes want to Spend time with your partner.
But the trip... Why risk the relationship? Why travel with a partner right?
I go to Paris once with my husband. Guess what, now he's my ex-husband. I...
You don't need to travel with your partner
This is when you see it 24 hours a day
and everything they do, you like:
"Why are you walking on a plane? use your feet Allah! "
If you are traveling alone, you can eat with your hand
I'm eating a salad. I will rub it. Very good.
The only thing that sucked my trip,
and I hate complaining about very special things to go to Italy alone,
is that I ordered a walking tour Because I like that item.
And I ordered a Venetian ghost tour, which I thought would be very pleasant.
I am reading the website, people left comments
"Very nice, Then the theater group jumped towards us
and they tried to scare us
and we see sites where people Slaughtered back in the 1700s,
We heard this crazy ghost story and we see this secret channel and this secret and keep it a secret. "
And I like, " I want that, I want all the secrets. "
So, I registered for it.
And it was my last night in Venice.
And at the last moment, I check my e-mail confirmation from the company
And I accidentally ordered private tour
And I was like, "No." Thank you for understanding. "I don't want to walk alone with someone during 90 minutes
That's my worst dream. "
And they made me meet him on the bridge, like a romance.
And he saw me and he left, " Is it just you? "
And I left," Yeah. "
And he goes, "Oh, this breaks my heart."
And he does this big thing.
"I don't want to give you tour ghost story
Oh, this is too sad. You are alone in Venice.
Oh, no, no, no. We tour love stories. "
I went," I want to see where people were killed
Tell me about a baby who has died. I want to hear all kinds of crazy bullshit. "
And he asked," Where is that person? "
I don't know if he means my boyfriend or" guy "who dropped us off. I'm like," If I know where 'that guy' being, we will all be free, "right? and so...
I don't know what he is talking about. He is very concerned, I have to explain,
" I am... "You know, like all goes Tourism starts this way, you explain. You are in a relationship, very happy. You only take a time alone. Don't worry
Then I kneel and scream:
"Why, God, I miss him!
I have never seen a penis in a week! Oh God!"
But then we started the tour.
But when... Other problems... Not just being a woman with a man.
If you are anyone with anyone, when you are alone on a walking tour,
they can start taking advantage of you. So, he is like, "Miss,
If you don't mind, I don't feel so much like walking tonight."
I like, "You choose the wrong job."
She's like, "I'm a little tired.
This is a hard day. I am sad and very hot.
Can we stand here? "
So I said yes.
I was standing under a bridge with a man
while he told me That's not a ghost story
for 90 minutes, okay
And I know which is inevitable I know it will happen. He asked me... why am I in Italy?
And I said, "For vacation." He said, "But why yourself?"
I said, "Okay, I'm in London Doing some work and I come here. "
"What work do you do?"
And me... I don't want to tell him I'm a comedian.
You guys are good for comedians When we are on stage,
but in real life, People say bad things to us.
They consider us comedians They are like, "You don't seem funny."
"I will clean my colon, That's why."
I see...
I always lie every time I check-in to a hotel, enter Uber.
"What brings you to the city?" Close them.
"My friend has an abortion. I have to enter immediately.
And that's a man so this is a strange procedure,
so please leave me alone I don't want... "
So, I told him I was a comedian and then he left:
" Madam, this is not a provocation...
but your life doesn't seem interesting enough
that you have to travel the world and say. "
And he's right, right?
And that's how the tour ended did he say" not provocation " and then gave me a big old provocation. And then he did one nice thing.
I try to see what's positive, I'm a meditator.
Did he take me to an Italian restaurant. Obviously, I am in Italy.
He took me to a restaurant, I don't need to say an Italian restaurant.
"Is this an Italian restaurant? or what?"
So, he took me...
He took me to a restaurant. He doesn't sit with me,
he just brought me there
And I'm actually very grateful because on the Grand Canal and if you've been anywhere,
You sometimes don't know what the original restaurant is and what are cheap tourist attractions.
So, I said, "I will never choose this place.
I don't know by seeing in a restaurant on the Grand Canal
what is authentic and what is not, So, thank you for bringing me here. "
Now he stands on my desk, Waiter brings wine,
Things start happening and he says, " Can I tell you one more story, then? "
I go," Alright. "
He hasn't told a ghost story yet, . So I'm like," Maybe this is it. "
He said," You remind me, There is a story about perception.
You bring up You don't know What restaurant is good based on appearance
Isn't that alive?
You don't know someone or someone, is only based on seeing them,
what is in their souls There may be a man and he is fun and he walks and he tells his story.
But maybe he just went home and he killed himself. "
" That's all? " He said," Yes. "
I went," Alright, good night. Thank you for the tour. "
What...?
" Keep on living. "
I'm upset because he never told his horror story.
He only told me that love story. I'm like," Oh, that's how... I do not...
Not everyone is meant for this world. Whatever he wants, I don't care. "
But I thought, maybe I should complain. Like, I don't want to get him fired,
but I want to complain and get my money back
and then just have the manager just say it to everyone,
"Hey, you know, we can't play with tours.
Give people what they want. "So, maybe, What if I call the manager now?
What if he's like," Sergio?
He didn't meet you at the bridge at 7 o'clock. "
I will be like," He did it. "
He will be like, "Oh, no, Mom, At 6:30 he killed himself."
I will be like, "Oh, my God, . It's the biggest ghost tour ever!"
Yes. Now you like suicide jokes If it's been a little hit there, right?
So, you know, I'm a hypochondriac, but not...
I didn't find anything.
It's just that when something happens, I think it's worse than that, right?
I had an incident with my doctor six months ago...
Where he says I can't go back for a year even if I'm really dying.
Because I have like hypochondriacal episodes...
and make my own ass.
Now, I want to tell the story, but it will be filmed...
and now the cliche will be stuck on me.
Because the story also concerns my period.
And people have problems When women talk about their menstruation.
"People." Male
I see...
the general wisdom that people say is not cute women
Okay, good. I can not do anything.
If you don't think I'm funny, check other women, right?
"Woman" is not a type of comedy.
"Woman" is the type of person.
I think women are people, I'm not sure. Anyway, but...
Let's distinguish why it's so difficult to talk about a period
I think sometimes people don't know how many periods
So, a man doesn't want to hear it because he's like:
"I feel stupid, I don't know what that is."
And it doesn't matter. They also didn't explain it to us.
I am 11 years old, my mother said, "You will get your period."
"What is that?" "The thing you will get."
"When?" "Anytime between now and the next seven years." "Oh, God."
And then you just walk to school like, "Will get my menstruation
What is my period? Get out of here Do I have it Can anyone see?"
So, this... This...
This is the period. Let's start with education and arrive at a pleasant story about my hypochondria and menstruation right?
We start. Who knows does not know what the period is,
Every month a woman takes off the interior from the lining of her uterus
because she's not pregnant, because she's a dirty and dirty prostitute...
who do not do one thing God placed it on earth to do,
that makes babies
And that's three- to five days of punishment.
So... that's a period.
Now...
I think men can handle that fact right?
And I'm not making fun of men. I mean, I...
The problem... Men don't mean to us about our period when we talk about it.
They never mean anything to us. They don't want to hear it.
And I understand that because the world serves you
and you don't need to hear anything that you don't know.
And it must be very scary when you have to, so, we have to...
We must be kind to men.
I don't like the old hacker, "If men have menstruation,
they will be like, 'Yeah, blood everywhere. Will name the bar after that. Yes...'"
You know.
Maybe that's right, maybe not. But I don't know if it's true
because if men are the people who get their periods,
then women will become people don't get their periods
So, that's not fair. And I know what I am like
when I don't understand many things in a man's body. Know what I mean?
Like, "Why do you have a ball?" "Because I have it." "Get rid of it."
Like, I'm not necessarily good.
So, I want to know what I will be like later If I have a girlfriend who gets menstruation
because men get menstruation and I have never had it.
If I'm having dinner... and my girlfriend out of the bathroom and she's like:
"Uh, Jen... we have to go."
"Jonathan, we didn't order it
"Jen, I just had a period a day early and I wear white pants.
We have to go. We have to go."
"Uh, what do you mean You get your menstruation a day early? Doesn't that happen on the same day every month? " "No, this is hormonal,
it's not regular I can't control it . "
"Oh, I can't control my body.
Oh, that hormone makes me do it.
Come on, you can control it."
"Jen, I can't." "Do they have tampons in the bathroom?"
"No, they came out and I... So, we have to go."
"Do you have a tampon in your wallet, Jonathan?"
"No, I forgot."
"Jonathan, how many times have I told you be a damn man
and keep a tampon in your bag in case... you get your initial period.
And why wear white pants close to this week
from period do you expect?
God, what...? How long has it been Have you got this, 20 years now?
Why don't you do this, Jonathan? You may go. I eat here
We already have this reservation for two weeks. Go away, I live Leave. Tie your jacket around your waist, Jonathan. Everyone can see your menstruation. "
Then I call my friend, " I'm in the restaurant alone.
Yes. But Jonathan gets menstruation.
No, of course not.
He doesn't know it will come, no. He never knew Oh, like Jonathan has a tampon. You are crazy?
We are talking about Jonathan. He is... I don't know if I can be with him
Because if he can't plan for himself, then, How, how can he plan for me, you know? "
So, maybe like a woman . If men get their periods. This is what happened to me.
Now, my menstruation comes on the same day every month. Never before, it's never too late . I'm not cramped. Thank you.
I see...
One morning... When I was 41 and half years old
and really felt it... just thinking about it,
God... almost 50.
I mean, not really, but... closer than me when I was 13 years old.
Right?
I woke up in the morning and I went to the women's room.
There are no women's rooms in my house.
It's not like a woman, a man, a wheelchair, You know, this is... I'm leaving... I'll urinate.
And I saw my underwear and there were a few drops of fresh blood.
Now, again... it's two weeks from when I should have menstruation.
And this is Not blood that resembles the lining of the uterus.
This is fresh blood pricking your fingers. It really looks like blood...
that was owned by my roommate years and years ago.
When I was young with a roommate in Brooklyn
and he has a dying cat.
And the cat dragged its body on the floor
When a small drop of blood comes out because the cat's kidney fails.
That's right. And my roommate Must put the cat in a cage
and the cat was revealed that day,
The same day drops of blood appear in the morning
And I saw myself and I left, "Today is the day I will be dropped. I don't have a human-sized cage and I live alone.
I know if I don't start a family this will happen,
but I have to lower myself.
I will call the vet and I will make an appointment. "
Because I know it's internal bleeding.
My kidney failed. I have internal bleeding. But before I panicked, I checked my vagina for glass.
So I just wanted to make sure... Because I often take sleeping pills, You can sleep in bed.
I want to make sure that in the middle of the night
I don't start walking in sleep, then enter the bar fight,
break the bottle, and then put it in me and you go, "Come on me!"
I see...
I called a friend, I like it, "Can I fight with my vagina?"
They are like, "I don't think so." I'm like, "thank you
The bad news is at that time I have to put it down today.
This is internal bleeding. I'll call my doctor."
So, I call I said, "I have to go in. I have internal bleeding."
I got there, he put me in the stirrup, the stupid one
I am like, "This is not a period. Perform an x-ray. I have internal bleeding.
My kidney failed. Fast Come on."
He looked up and left, "Jen, this is your period."
I go, "No, no." And he goes, "Yes, right."
"It shouldn't be here two weeks." He left, "Two weeks early."
I go, "I want a second opinion."
He left, "What do you think?"
I said, "I still think this is internal bleeding."
And he said, "Not so." And I said, "How do you know?"
And he said, "Because you see blood outside."
"Oh, that's really amazing. I never thought about that.
That's why people die from internal bleeding,
because they don't see the blood.
Okay, I understand. = = = Good. Alright. I'm stupid. "
He looked at me and said, "Are you okay?"
And I left, "I don't think so, no, I don't..."
And like a child given a toothbrush by a dentist, he just gave me a tampon and like, "Get out of here." And, um...
Now, the worst part is that I subscribe to tampons on Amazon.
And I keep forgetting to cancel it, So every month, I get so many tampons.
And there is a closet with them. They will live longer than me.
I will not... I will experience menopause before they I will die.
One day I will be in a chair, no blood is left in my body, like:
"I have never even seen blood on my teeth, especially this."
I don't have children, I don't have anyone to give them.
I'm a weird woman on Halloween every year where it's like, "Trick or treat."
And I'm like, "You will be a woman someday. Yes, take this."
Even you, little boy, you never know. Take it, take it. Take it, everyone. "
It's amazing what we don't know about our bodies, we don't think of many things. Like, I wasn't taught anything about my body growing up.
I didn't lose my virginity until I basically almost 22 years,
which I have a lot of shame about. I think it's a bit old, rather tacky.
And even the person I lost my virginity didn't know that he took it,
Because I have to lie that I lost it at age 16 under the creeping willow tree.
You are really detailed when you lie about things, don't you?
I lost my virginity at the age of 21, but, like, almost 22, like, 21 and 11 months.
And it's not because I'm a shy person. I want to lose my virginity.
It has always been the purpose of my life Ever since I was little.
Just grow up someday and lose my virginity.
And the thing that stopped me... That is a Catholic thing.
Well, first of all, I don't understand what sex is right?
I mean, I have sex education, as we all do.
They don't, like, teach you how to make love, it's like...
They never say anything, like, _ make love and sensuality, and...
There have never been gay people involved.
It's only men lying next to a woman, they are pregnant I'm like, "Why does someone do that?" Etc...
A single bed for life, right? And so on...
Everything we have in sex education for girls, we have large posters of the fallopian tubes.
And I'm like, "Are they inside me?"
They look giant, like, "Why not? Out my mouth?" It's like...
And there is only a vagina there with eggs here
Looks like a ball in a catching glove.
It seems like the eggs are always there, Like, "Let's play the ball.
Impressing me Come on, we'll go around the grounds."
And then for boys, they only have sperm posters.
And they taught us
in one drop of semen There are billions and billions of sperm.
I'm like, "Alright." That's all I remember.
Because I have to be a teenager, My mom is like:
"Never have sex, You will get pregnant at any time."
And I'm like, but I think he's right Because I rethink the two signs,
eggs waiting and ready and then billions and billions of sperm.
What are the possibilities? One billion one. You will have a baby right?
I'm like, "Why do women only have it? Why aren't they like:"
Like, why not a baby? just, like, spilled from everyone?
Like, there are billions and billions of sperm and one egg.
So, I don't want... I don't want to, You know, losing my virginity is so fast.
That is the fault of the Catholic Church. Like, now, I'm cool with Jesus.
I know Jesus doesn't mind if I have sex Because Jesus loves prostitutes, right?
It's in the Bible.
He gets along with prostitutes, they are his favorite people.
When he was fed up with the apostles, "Where is my whore?"
"Here."
He will be like, "We will not write about you in the Bible."
And then he befriended them.
So, I know that once I have sex, I will only confess to Jesus,
"I have sex." He will be like, "I like that." I will be like, "just tell you."
And that will be fine.
What I feared was pregnant.
Obviously, I don't want to be a teenage mother or mother's age.
I know if I'm pregnant, I have to have an abortion and I am very afraid of abortion because of the church
Not because of Jesus, but because of the pastor in the church.
Every single priest's sermon In my church is about abortion.
Even though it's not in the Bible that day, you know
They will be like, "Merry Christmas, everyone.
And we are here because Mary has a baby.
She keeps it even though she doesn't know who gave it to her And we will celebrate Mary.
= = He doesn't have an abortion
like you girls who go to clubs and use it as a family planning device. Then if you have an abortion, You go to hell
If you know someone It's abortion, you go to hell .
Guys, don't worry We will be your high-five. You have a pregnant woman.
But the women go to hell. "
And I like, " I don't want to go to hell. "
I decided I would never get pregnant
and the easiest way to do that is to never have sex.
And I'm right really don't understand How abortion is. I don't know It's a safe medical procedure
that prevents pregnancy from being pregnant
I thought you took the baby full time and then at the doctor's office , they, like, shoot in the head.
You know, I like, "I didn't do that."
I don't judge, but I don't do it.
So, it's not sex...
Instead of sex, I am a girl who likes to be touched.
I like to grope. Loved?
I still like it. I like fingers.
I bring back the fingering. So fabulous. Do it for everyone.
This is not just for... Not only that for children. It's like sugar cereal.
Adults can enjoy it too. This is amazing.
You will go directly to the source. The greatest feeling on Earth
So... I have a beautiful girlfriend my usual finger.
And the first time I got a finger... My God.
I mean, I touched myself before,
but when you can go hands free, It's like, "Whee!" Very nice.
And the feeling is so strong that after I feel,
every time after that that I don't get a finger,
I have deep and dark depression.
That's why when you see it Goth girls walk around,
they are not trying to get attention, they are angry
They have felt once and have never been touched since.
They are like, "It's very dark It's terrible I don't feel anything."
So, anyway...
My boyfriend usually goes first to me Because he's a good person.
But this is once I want to reply.
So I took my two dry hands,
and I rubbed his penis up and down like you did, and almost burned.
And...
So, like a skilled firefighter, He grabs it like a hose
and like, "I understand this," you know.
And he came in his hand like a 17 year old boy,
wiping it on his shirt in the basement
and then he enters to return the favor
Everything I saw on that finger...
I can't see it, But I know it's there.
Billions and billions of sperm.
I don't want to be like:
"Can you wash your hands? I'm not ready to be a mother."
Because it's tacky, right?
Then I like, "You can't get pregnant from your fingers.
They must have told us. They must have said it at school.
Unless they don't know what this is, and we just found it. "
I'm like, "I need that good feeling," so I let that happen
There are no consequences. I don't care I woke up in the middle of the night and put my hand on my stomach and I feel my heartbeat and I like:
"Oh, my God, I'm a mother."
I'm so stupid.
I don't know that you can feel the pulse somewhere other than your wrist
That's the first time I've noticed it a pulse elsewhere in my body.
And I think I planted a baby in four hours.
I'm like, "Whoo! It happens quickly.
No wonder this abortion is a hot topic.
There are people who live and breathe there. "
Well, I can't tell my mother. She will kill me
I don't have internet at that time,
Not only because my mother didn't allow me, It not found yet, okay?
So, all I have is a typewriter, and you can't ask for your typewriter:
"Can I touch, and then get pregnant from that? "
Because your typewriter only has a piece of from paper looking back at you, like:
" I don't know if you can get pregnant. I'm a typewriter. "
So, you're just stuck. It's stuck, isn't it?
So, I have to go... to the library.
And I can't ask librarians because he is my mother's friend.
I can't be like, "I jerked. What do you think, baby or not?"
So, I have to take a walk to the card catalog
What if you are younger and you don't know,
That's what we had before the internet in the library.
This is a catalog containing cards.
And there are cards that have the name from each book in the library.
Now, as the year goes by and more information is out there,
they continue to make more cards in the catalog
They don't get additional catalogs, no, no. Just push it on one.
You put your finger in and take risks.
You might not get your finger back. Like, "Aah!"
So I have to see for a book about pregnancy Now, once again, the card catalog is not in alphabetical order. No, no, no.
This is in something is called the Dewey Decimal System,
which is a complex set of numbers
the librarian must go to college to study.
But they threw it in the lobby at us, like, "You will find out."
So... I found a book about pregnancy and, of course, not just say pregnancy and then gang P.
No, I have to memorize, like, 12 numbers.
So, that's when we were smart. We can memorize 12 numbers.
We don't need to take pictures or anything.
And so on...
Then I walk all the way back... to the shelf
I didn't give example number 12 Because I'm too stupid now.
There is no book What to Expect If You're Expecting 'Because You Have Been Wanted,
so I'm like, "Argh!"
So, I did nothing. If I am pregnant,
it's definitely like the TV program where I only have it in the toilet
But nine months later, when there were no babies coming, I was like, "I must have had a miscarriage.
So tragic, but it's right for me, you know."
So, then I found it. I found all the facts.
Eggs don't sit there, it only comes once in a while.
And if you use a condom It's 99.9 percent effective.
I'm like, "I have to lose my virginity at that time."
But my girlfriend and I broke up and I was just going to college,
I'm like, "How will I go? lose my virginity now
I don't know anyone in college. What, will I go in and go to a man and leave,
" Want to have sex ? " They must fall in love before they do that? And then I think, " Wait, how can I get a guy?
to be interested in me unless he thinks I'm experienced?
No guy wants to sleep with a virgin. "
I don't know that either.
So, I spread rumors about myself.
I told everyone that at the age of 18, entered college in 1992,
that I've slept with ten people.
That's a lot, ten people. I mean, not now, but then.
That's a lot. Ten people aged 18 years a lot.
Some people don't have ten people in their city Ten people.
And 1992 was an innocent and innocent time.
Beverly Hills, 90210, Brenda and Dylan,
they wait a year lose their virginity to each other.
Dylan is an alcoholic who lives alone. She's still a virgin.
That is the time of the innocent.
So, no guy wants to have sex with me because they think I have PMS
because I screwed ten people.
So, I go from year to year is not laid down
until I met someone who transferred to my college my senior year
and he has never heard the rumor and I did not tell him.
We have sex, it's fun, no problem. I don't remember every detail
Because it's been a long time, but it's beautiful. And I walked home that day,
just, you know, listening to my Discman, listening to Madonna,
You know, the Bedtime Stories album. I like, "I understand, I'm also sexual, Madge."
And, um...
But something stopped me dead when I was walking
and I like, "Wait a minute, my hymen doesn't break."
That's another thing they teach us girls. We have a hymen. This is a piece of skin
It's somewhere in our vagina and the penis stabs it
and we bleed and get dirty sheets and we suck, fuck you, you dumped.
So now...
My hymen doesn't break and I'm like, "Uh-oh. I hope my hymen isn't pushed into my body
and now it's suffocating, You know, my internal organs."
I don't even know what a hymen is. How strong is that? How does it work?
And I'm like, "I have to go to the doctor."
So, I went to the school nurse, but I don't want to act like I just lost my virginity, So, I tried playing everything "cas."
I entered, I was like, "Hey, quick question.
Um...
When I lost my virginity, whenever it was...
uh...
My hymen not broken. What's wrong with that? "
She's like, "That's an old life story.
It's okay. If you already use tampons
or ride horses or take dance classes They can stretch, can break."
I go:
"Okay, can't it be pushed and start strangling your organs?"
"No, this is tissue." "Can it be rocked and...?"
"No, not tissue, like, this..."
I go, "Oh, okay, okay."
He saw my chart like, "Around 22." He goes:
"So, you don't just lose your virginity, no?" "No, I fucked like ten people."
And that's when I underwent the first STD test.
I see...
So, I'm in a relationship,
and I don't have a joke about it because this is a good story.
I am with someone I really love, we have known each other for a long time...
And see you calm down. Nobody likes good things, I understand.
But there are times in my life when I am what I call "single" singular,
when I was like, "God, it seems like nobody likes me."
I'm not picked and I don't like how it feels.
And I read self-help books like that, take yourself.
So, I did that. And I will sit in the bar
and... people will come and go, "Can I sit here?" I go, "no. I also sit there, please stop.
I'm... I'm dating myself, So, please?"
I started saying nonsense things,
You can't love someone until you love yourself, You know? "What nonsense?
You can love someone If you don't love yourself. What a pleasant disturbance right? I see...
But my friend did this. He decided to have a party.
He calls it Facebook on Real Life. And he invites a group of people...
The idea is great. He invites people like that to get to know each other. You can guarantee someone If you don't know them well . So, you can be like, "Oh hey, John is fun. He is a murderer.
Don't go home with him, but it's fun at parties. Good. "
They are like," Oh, cool. " I met this man, a very nice guy. liked the same thing, talked about the same thing
he didn't send pic dick, nothing was inappropriate
I felt respected and then, you know, after a few weeks,
he asked me to go drinking wine with him. I'm like, "We're going on a date."
We sit there and drink and talk.
I don't get a vibration he wants to sleep with me,
No, I'm acting interested. I'm like, "Tell me about your boyfriend?"
And...
There's nothing wrong with getting along with women if you have a boyfriend
Absolutely not I have many male friends.
But that's it, the door is closed. Thank you, I have a male friend.
I don't need it anymore. I don't need it anymore.
I have a lot, right I don't understand what the angle is.
I said, "Is your girlfriend angry You came out with a woman?"
He said, "Oh, no, he knows I love women. I am a male feminist."
I go, "'I'm a male feminist.'
Thank you very much for being on our side, men fucking... "
If I want to drink damn wine With feminists, I will stay at home
and I might even be able to lay down. I...
And my fingers don't have billions and billions of sperm.
I started thinking about it, like, "I see how life is different.
I see how it's different. "Back at day, the man will marry the woman
who cooks and cleanses and has a baby
and she starts to stare at him more like a mother.
All right, me and all the other women won't be whores of your mind, dude,
OK?
You won't finger him then come out, drink with me
and talking about documentaries until midnight, you pig
Thank you.
So... we are not friends anymore, but I really...
I know it sounds like I hate men. I'm really not I like men
and I see them the way I see children,
which is like, "Oh, my God, for people who doesn't know what you are doing,
You have so much energy about it, you know."
But... the... One...
A really cool area, I like people saying they're feminists,
and that's like, you know, white people can do it Say they identify for Black Lives Matter,
and men can say that they are feminists.
This is really cool. There is one area that I don't know why we can't bite this,
it will be very fast and easy to do, is street harassment
There's still one thing that we scream at some men
to understand, you know, That is a very scary thing.
And I feel like if you would scream out of your car to a woman, commit to it.
Get an old car with horns like, "Aooga!"
This is very stupid.
So, you know, mo... All my male friends are not idiots, they don't act like this,
But I found one of my friends who do I respect doing this
I like, "Are you disturbing the streets?" "It's not harassment, this is praise."
And I went, "What did you do?" "I already shouted, 'Nice breasts.'"
"Are you shouting 'nice breasts' to women?"
He said, "The tits are good."
"I understand the inspiration behind it, I just...
You can't do that to us. This... This... It's scary."
He said, "What's scary about 'nice breasts'?" I go, "alright..."
He said, "This is a compliment." I go, "I understand, let me separate this.
I get on his face that 'her breasts are good,' dictionary, technically a compliment, huh.
But we don't know, if we don't respond way what you want us to respond to,
or if we don't respond at all, 'nice tits' can be followed up
with, 'Damn, bitch,' and then we get scared. "
And my friend left," Oh, I understand.
What if I just shout 'nice breasts' But don't shout 'fuck you, bitch' after? "
I'm like," No, but we don't...
We don't know. We don't know. 'Good things...' "
Praise and murder both start with praise.
So, we don't know. We don't know. We don't know
when someone says" her breasts are good "
if only, beeping, beeping, "Good tits, goodbye," and they leave,
or if it will happen like, "her breasts are good"
stop the car and like it,
'"Good tits are so good, will cut them off, put them in a blender. Then I'll put them in the fridge
and make the breasts appear. Tits, tits, tits. know.
So, my friend left, "What should I say?" I go, "Don't say anything. Say no words.
Say no words."
He goes, "That is my free speech. It is free speech. You cannot do that."
I go, "This is not... Whatever free speech means.
But, okay, fine, freedom of speech.
I'm not saying that you can't say 'nice breasts' I said, please don't shout at us.
So, maybe if you drive by a woman who has nice breasts,
You roll your window and destroy your face from the glass
and just go, 'Nice tits'. You can do that.
Or see a woman with nice breasts and call friends and leave,
'Good tits, good breasts, I see good breasts. Well. Nice breasts
Or if you have time, turns off the road, goes to the field,
kneel and let God know 'Good tits!' "
My friend and I can't come for any agreement about this
So, I'm like," Maybe he is right. "
If we just shout," No, no, no, " people only hear their mother:
So, we can't just say, "Don't say this, Don't..." There may be a middle ground. Maybe there is something you can say. I don't know what it is.
= = But I have a recent experience. That gave me some kind of idea.
So, I was in North Carolina and I was walking alone.
And I'm on the roadside and it's dusk.
And a white man in a truck... passes.
And then he stopped... and he pulled back...
and he just looked at me from the window.
And I'm like, "Oh, shit."
Because if you are a woman or not white or gay
and you walk alone in the South and a white man in a truck stops,
You know in 20 minutes There will be candles and flowers
where are you standing, right? That... yes.
Guy lowered his window and left, "Excuse me, mom.
Do you mind if I say something really creepy to you? "
And like an idiot, I walk into the truck. " Good. "
And then I'm angry and I think... I spend a little while and think of all women
from real... Severe abuse goes bad, acid on face only a few violations like "nice breasts," and I like it, "No.
No, you can't say anything creepy. " I go," No, you can't and make love to you. "
I started walking away proud of myself and realized," I look crazy. "
That's what happens, is if you're talking to a girl in a bar
and it works fine
and after one minute he is like, "Damn it!"
"What did I do?" "There is no."
But we are taught to be polite and so, we hold it
All we have to say is, "I don't want to talk."
But we talk and we are like, "Damn eating!" And you are very confused. And so on...
We have to be better at that. And so, anyway...
He left, "Ma'am, I didn't mean to frighten you. I'm sorry. I..."
I just want to say that I love your boots. That's it, I like your boots.
I wear big black platform boots, he goes:
"I'm married. I'm not trying to pick you up.
I've never noticed fashion in my life. Well, I have one more question."
"This is a scary question." I go, "What?"
He said, "Are they comfortable?" "Yes." "That's a win-win for you, isn't it?"
I like:
I can't live with myself otherwise. "
And then he left. I like, " He can't live with himself
If he doesn't give me that compliment. " That's very dramatic.
And again, It's hard for men in the world.
We have to be kind to them.
And so on... But my part is evil and I'm like:
"Lord, it must be great if I don't let him praise me. "
Somehow I can see the rest of his life being played, deep regret, you know. This is like a kind of game set in South
and he is at home every night and he is like:
"I'm not hungry tonight, Martha." He's like, "Henry, I made your favorite.
Two nights and you haven't eaten it. You are all bones "Did you cheat me, Henry?" "No, Martha, it's not about sex. Sometimes things about... fashion. Son, if you get that opportunity to praise women and not accept them,
You might not be able to live with yourself.
Listen to your father. "
He was on his deathbed, his father was like, "Son, is there more wisdom before you leave?"
And he was like, "Black shoes," and then he died.
Nobody knows what that means. His wife never understood.
"Black shoes? I know what that means. His father is in war.
His father wears black boots. He wants to wear his father's shoes in his coffin."
And he doesn't. He pushed his father's boots at the foot of his body.
And he is in heaven, like, "I don't mean black boots. I like women's shoes. That's right, Jesus, I like women's shoes.
I can be up here."
I see...
That's when I started thinking.
Praise, if you have to shout at us, yell about our clothes, not our bodies.
We don't want to think about it we have a body every five minutes,
and you make us think about it All the time, and we don't want to.
You know that feeling if you only have your key and phone
and you feel very free? We want to feel like that at the bank,
but can't take our breasts and vagina and leave them on the table.
So, we have to take these things even at 8:30 in the morning.
We're like, "Oh, God, everybody sees." And, you know... And if someone like:
"Good donkey," but we don't feel good, we are like, "Is that sarcastic?"
This is the whole mind of making love right?
But if you only praise clothes, we can all get along, right?
If you want the road to disturb us and you drive
and you are like, "Honey. Hey, baby... that little bow
matches your shoe details. It doesn't disappear to me, dear. I like good accessories. dinner later. It doesn't have to be with a man, can be alone You seem unafraid.
I like that. You walk with your work and freedom
And I'm not at all threatened. I don't need to joke with you.
I just let you know it's boxes and polka dot sometimes it can match you go, toots. "
Thank you very much. You are amazing
Thank you again.
JKL.
Jennifer.
- Oh! - Beloved.
- Hi. - Happy to meet you
- You look really beautiful up there. - Mother Oh thanks. - Jennifer, what are all these foods? - Oh, that's part of my rider
- What is a rider? - Like, Do you know,
the food they bring backstage part of your budget
- Do you like the show? - Did they take this from your salary?
This is a waste of Jennifer, you are not good at money.
This is not my money. Don't like shows or anything or...?
God. Not. Mom, Dad, come out, we are filming We are filming. Cut.
- Jennifer, who is this? - What program?
- This is my first family - Still speeding.
- Can we still roll over this? - Why did you do this?
Why do you hire people to play? Here.
Well, that's you It's done.
He doesn't look like me. I have blonde hair. He has gray hair.
And I'm not an Oriental, Jen.
I'm Japanese.
Oh, Jennifer's best friend at school is Japanese
and he taught Jennifer how to say the word "hello"
- "Konichiwa." - Konichiwa.
But that doesn't matter. Konichiwa for you Listen, this is an actor employed to represent characters
from Jen Kirkman, right? That makes it better?
What? There is no character based on your sister, Gail?
Okay, Gail, I must have put you in it,
but you said when I used to have that joke
about how you were caught smoking a pot, you said:
"Don't put me in your actions again." I see, I don't say anything about you anymore out of respect.
Jen, you just told the story again... on the camera
That's what he did, he talked about everyone
He calls Dad a racist.
- He said, "Oriental." - Maybe we can take a break.
Yes. Where is the pizza? Do you get pizza?
No, I don't get any pizza. I just did a show.
And I'm sorry, there's no part for you,
and the reason is not because I don't think you will be good,
I'm not comfortable. I'm really uncomfortable.
- you are not comfortable How do we feel? - Jen, why are you ruining everything?
- Yeah. Gosh, you know. - I know a good place, guys
- You do - We have to just leave.
- Forget about him. - Are you in the audience,
- because I didn't see you out there - Yeah.
Can we use all of that? Can we use all of that?
because my parents just destroyed my Netflix
and it's kind of fucking awesome.