1
00:02:17,179 --> 00:02:18,101


2
00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:24,121
The angels...

3
00:03:24,246 --> 00:03:26,340
...not half so happy in heaven,

4
00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:28,208
went envying her and me.

5
00:03:29,126 --> 00:03:33,256
That was the reason as all men
know in this kingdom by the sea.

6
00:03:33,463 --> 00:03:37,388
<i>That the wind came out of
the cloud by night,</i>

7
00:03:37,676 --> 00:03:38,973
chilling...

8
00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:41,350
and killing...

9
00:03:41,805 --> 00:03:43,398
...my Annabel Lee.

10
00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:45,479
What?

11
00:03:46,852 --> 00:03:48,229
Wrong answer!

12
00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:02,370
The White Man versus the Indians.

13
00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:04,247
<i>That's what we all learned in school.</i>

14
00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:06,412
<i>But that's not entirely
accurate.</i>

15
00:06:09,828 --> 00:06:12,422
<i>It was actually the
White Man versus the Indians...</i>

16
00:06:12,622 --> 00:06:14,044
<i>versus the Indians.</i>

17
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,968
<i>You see, when the Europeans
first came to the New World,</i>

18
00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:19,095
<i>the Indians viewed them
as just another tribe.</i>

19
00:06:19,421 --> 00:06:21,674
<i>One to trade with, fight with,</i>

20
00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:23,174
<i>or ally with</i>

21
00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:25,184
<i>...against other Indians.</i>

22
00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:27,141
<i>But the Europeans brought
with them something</i>

23
00:06:27,345 --> 00:06:29,063
<i>that the Indians had
never seen before...</i>

24
00:06:29,347 --> 00:06:31,224
<i>...and had no defense against.</i>

25
00:06:31,433 --> 00:06:35,063
<i>And I'm not talking about guns and
disease and facial hair...</i>

26
00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:37,147
<i>though that was true, too.</i>

27
00:06:37,314 --> 00:06:40,693
<i>No,
I'm talking about GREED.</i>

28
00:06:41,276 --> 00:06:44,655
<i>And soon, the Indian tribes
were being backstabbed</i>

29
00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:46,615
<i>and treaties were being broken,</i>

30
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:48,583
<i>and whole peoples were being slaughtered</i>

31
00:06:48,783 --> 00:06:50,626
<i>and moved onto reservations...</i>

32
00:06:50,869 --> 00:06:52,917
<i>...and that was completely barren</i>

33
00:06:53,121 --> 00:06:54,714
<i>and worthless.</i>

34
00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:57,919
<i>And that was supposed to be the
end of the story.</i>

35
00:06:58,043 --> 00:07:00,091
<i>Except for the fact
that the Europeans forgot that</i>

36
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:02,051
<i>greed is contagious.</i>

37
00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:04,888
<i>And the Indian tribes,
along with Smallpox</i>

38
00:07:05,050 --> 00:07:07,098
<i>and Whooping Cough,
had caught it...</i>

39
00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:09,930
<i>and learned to wield it against
their conquerors.</i>

40
00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:11,730
<i>Wichch is where I come in</i>

41
00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:14,481
<i>Victim number 299 million</i>

42
00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:16,569
<i>458 thousand,</i>

43
00:07:16,728 --> 00:07:18,401
<i>327</i>

44
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:24,235
<i>There I am now.</i>

45
00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:26,120
<i>Not a bad looking guy.</i>

46
00:07:26,655 --> 00:07:27,781
Ohhh!

47
00:07:27,906 --> 00:07:30,034
<i>Maybe that's not the best
place to start.</i>

48
00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:40,882
<i>There we go. Much better.</i>

49
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:44,010
<i>So there I was.</i>

50
00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:47,013
<i>At an Indian Gaming Casino.
Just passing through.</i>

51
00:07:47,175 --> 00:07:49,974
<i>I was like an old West gun fighter
coming into town,</i>

52
00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:53,310
<i>looking to right
past wrongs and make a fortune.</i>

53
00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:57,773
<i>Except, of course..</i>

54
00:07:57,894 --> 00:08:01,444
<i>I didn't have a gun or know
the first thing about fighting.</i>

55
00:08:06,695 --> 00:08:08,618
<i>So I played the slots instead...</i>

56
00:08:10,615 --> 00:08:13,710
<i>before realising I needed to
try my luck elsewhere.</i>

57
00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:16,880
Name, address, phone number.

58
00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:19,166
What do you want my social too?

59
00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:20,667
Sign here.

60
00:08:23,253 --> 00:08:24,425
Good luck sir.

61
00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:28,595
<i>There Was
an Elvis impersonation contest...</i>

62
00:08:28,758 --> 00:08:30,385
<i>...usually only a Vegas thing.</i>

63
00:08:30,552 --> 00:08:31,474
<i>So on a whim,</i>

64
00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:32,686
<i>I joined.</i>

65
00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:35,266
<i>Talk like an angel,</i>

66
00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:38,985
<i>but I got wise.</i>

67
00:08:39,102 --> 00:08:41,855
<i>Your the Devil in Disguise.</i>

68
00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:43,823
<i>Oh yes you are</i>

69
00:08:44,274 --> 00:08:45,196
<i>Did okay.</i>

70
00:08:45,316 --> 00:08:46,909
<i>Not enough to win or anything, but</i>

71
00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:48,695
<i>okay enough to grab the attention of</i>

72
00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:50,746
<i>a beautiful lady at the bar.</i>

73
00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:52,866
<i>With your kisses</i>

74
00:08:53,408 --> 00:08:55,877
<i>You cheated and you schemed.
</i>

75
00:08:56,327 --> 00:08:58,580
John Smith lied to Chief Powhatan

76
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:00,457
about why he had come to the
New World in the first place...

77
00:09:00,582 --> 00:09:02,084
that's why Pocahontas had to save him.

78
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:04,085
Ah ah, she was in love.

79
00:09:04,252 --> 00:09:05,128
She was eleven.

80
00:09:05,295 --> 00:09:06,512
I'm not eleven.

81
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:08,515
No, your ah...

82
00:09:09,174 --> 00:09:10,346
...you're not.

83
00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:12,265
Mmm.
Buy me another drink?

84
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:13,853
Mmm!

85
00:09:14,345 --> 00:09:15,847
<i>She seemed reelly interested in me</i>

86
00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:18,441
<i>and I was pretty sure I knew
where this was going.</i>

87
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:27,571
Unfortunately...

88
00:09:27,692 --> 00:09:30,366
<i>...life doesn't always
go the way you think it will.</i>

89
00:09:32,489 --> 00:09:33,661
<i>As it turns out,</i>

90
00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:35,746
<i>she was more
interested in what was in my wallet...</i>

91
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:37,669
It was nice meeting you.

92
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:40,005
<i>Than what was in my pants</i>

93
00:09:44,501 --> 00:09:45,593
<i>Which is so ironic,</i>

94
00:09:45,710 --> 00:09:47,929
<i>considering I don't keep
my money in my wallet.</i>

95
00:09:54,511 --> 00:09:56,855
Thank you!

96
00:09:57,055 --> 00:09:59,854
<i>So instead of a night of crazy wild sex,</i>

97
00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:01,268
<i>I ended up playing poker</i>

98
00:10:01,392 --> 00:10:03,144
<i>With a bunch of the Elvises
from the contest.</i>

99
00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:04,941
<i>And not that Texas Hold Em bullshit</i>

100
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:07,654
<i>you see on TV where everyone
now thinks they're an expert.</i>

101
00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:08,946
<i>No no, I'm talking about</i>

102
00:10:09,192 --> 00:10:10,193
<i>good old fashioned</i>

103
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:14,448
<i>backroom, cigar smokin'
five card draw.</i>

104
00:10:15,490 --> 00:10:17,367
Oh, you're going down this time.

105
00:10:20,245 --> 00:10:21,337
I like to go down.

106
00:10:24,415 --> 00:10:25,462
I bet you do.

107
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:30,930
But I' m more worried about the Midget.

108
00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:35,427
It's not Midget, asshole.

109
00:10:35,552 --> 00:10:37,020
It's "Little Person".

110
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:41,565
Oh, that's much better.

111
00:10:42,058 --> 00:10:44,106
Midget is offensive...
but little person is okay?

112
00:10:44,352 --> 00:10:45,945
Who decides these things?

113
00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:46,904
Screw you, bitch.

114
00:10:47,063 --> 00:10:48,406
Are you in or not huh?

115
00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:49,817
Well...

116
00:10:50,066 --> 00:10:51,534
Last week my girlfriend of three years

117
00:10:51,693 --> 00:10:53,570
decided playing doctor with her doctor,

118
00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:55,454
kicked me out of the house and stole my dog.

119
00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:56,956
Oh, that is just rude.

120
00:10:57,615 --> 00:11:00,084
She said, "history would be
written without me. "

121
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:01,293
What's that mean?

122
00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:02,913
Have no idea, so I just got in my car,

123
00:11:03,121 --> 00:11:04,168
came down here,

124
00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:06,587
got dissed by a girl at the bar, lost at slots,

125
00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:08,168
and had my wallet stolen.

126
00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:10,553
So hell yes boys, I am in.

127
00:11:10,879 --> 00:11:13,257
Read 'em and weep.
Aces and sixes.

128
00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:15,429
Ha! Unlucky in love,

129
00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:17,552
unlucky in cards, bitch.

130
00:11:17,719 --> 00:11:18,595
Three deuces.

131
00:11:19,470 --> 00:11:21,097
Little person, little hand.

132
00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:24,275
Read 'em and weep boys.
Straight to the ten.

133
00:11:24,392 --> 00:11:25,689
Yeah.

134
00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:27,904
I don't think so.

135
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:31,817
Hail to the Queen! Baby.

136
00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:35,821
Hell, well this is a game of Elvises.

137
00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:38,706
We're going to hail to the King!

138
00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:42,285
First you win the contest,

139
00:11:42,410 --> 00:11:43,707
now you're taking all our money.

140
00:11:43,953 --> 00:11:45,296
You know something we don't?

141
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:47,666
Yeah. How to pay cards.

142
00:11:47,999 --> 00:11:50,923
I thought was strictly a Vegas thing,
what's the deal here?

143
00:11:51,085 --> 00:11:53,508
Yeah well the Chief,
he has a thing for Mr. Presley.

144
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:55,048
The Chief? Who is the Chief?

145
00:11:59,093 --> 00:12:02,188
The Chief, head of the tribe,
owner of the casino.

146
00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:04,524
He worships the King almost as much as he does

147
00:12:04,641 --> 00:12:06,735
his ancient Apache Warrior Mask.

148
00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:11,364
This is our hotel!

149
00:12:11,606 --> 00:12:12,778
We're all kings here.

150
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:14,443
We're VIP's.

151
00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:16,819
Access to everything.

152
00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:18,704
You didn't stand a chance in that contest.

153
00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:21,082
Thanks very much.

154
00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:22,784
So are we gonna play some more cards,

155
00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:24,786
or is Mr. Miyagi still mad?

156
00:12:25,036 --> 00:12:26,003
He might...

157
00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:28,631
...chop, chop our heads. Hoi!

158
00:12:30,708 --> 00:12:32,756
Oh, I get it I get it.
'Cause I'm Asian,

159
00:12:32,961 --> 00:12:34,053
I must be Japanese,

160
00:12:34,295 --> 00:12:35,262
I must do karate.

161
00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:36,927
You know, that's really clever.
You got another one.

162
00:12:37,048 --> 00:12:39,392
Yeah, your driving, it sucks.

163
00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:42,930
You know, even though flying monkeys
scare the hell out of me,

164
00:12:43,054 --> 00:12:45,182
I don' t give you a hard time
about the Wizard of Oz, do I?

165
00:12:45,515 --> 00:12:46,141
Woo.

166
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:48,439
And if Whitey the Clan Member here
wants to bomb abortion clinics,

167
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:49,523
I don't try to stop him.

168
00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:52,280
I mean, getting molested by a priest
can really screw a kid up.

169
00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:53,861
<i>Oh, what about you?</i>

170
00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:56,409
If I bend over, are you gonna fantasize
about my ass?

171
00:12:56,526 --> 00:12:57,948
<i>You going to "Queer Eye"
my apartment?</i>

172
00:12:58,027 --> 00:12:58,994
I wouldn't have a problem if you did

173
00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:00,872
'cause that' s the kinda guy I am.

174
00:13:01,656 --> 00:13:02,532
<i>What are you looking at?</i>

175
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:05,164
What are you some kind of
generic European hybrid?

176
00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:07,454
Look man my ah...

177
00:13:07,537 --> 00:13:08,880
My wallet and ID got stolen.

178
00:13:08,997 --> 00:13:10,214
That's my story.

179
00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:11,799
And now we took your money.

180
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:13,384
That's just terrible.

181
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:15,803
<i>I now had no girl</i>

182
00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:18,010
<i>No ID and no money.</i>

183
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:18,757
<i>But overall,</i>

184
00:13:18,923 --> 00:13:22,018
<i>The Elvises seemed to be a pretty
good bunch of guys.</i>

185
00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:44,248
<i>But, of course, looks can be
deceiving.</i>

186
00:13:48,286 --> 00:13:49,287
Ah, crap.

187
00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:54,960
Guys! Guys! Take it easy!

188
00:13:55,460 --> 00:13:57,588
Come on guys!
I know I do a really bad Elvis but

189
00:13:57,712 --> 00:13:59,134
this is a little extreme huh?

190
00:14:01,424 --> 00:14:03,472
<i>And here we are again.</i>

191
00:14:03,968 --> 00:14:06,096
Well, no use stalling anymore.

192
00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:11,855
Hey wait! Wait I though...

193
00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:15,150
Native Americans are supposed
to be peace-loving, philosophy spouting,

194
00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:16,693
protectors of nature?

195
00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:23,405
That's a blatant stereotype.

196
00:14:24,739 --> 00:14:26,207
The Apaches...

197
00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:28,835
...are the most fearsome
warriors...

198
00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:31,500
...the world has ever seen.

199
00:14:31,746 --> 00:14:35,171
Wait! Ash! Wait!

200
00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:36,713
Where's the mask?

201
00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:38,135
What mask?

202
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,849
The ancient Apache Warrior Mask that you stole.

203
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:53,689
I didn't steal anything.

204
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,193
Who is he?

205
00:14:59,774 --> 00:15:01,868
He doesn't have any ID on him.

206
00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:03,911
My ID was stolen last night.
My wallet...

207
00:15:04,028 --> 00:15:05,701
my ID everything.
You should really do something

208
00:15:05,780 --> 00:15:07,657
about the security in this place.
You got these two...Allright! Allright!

209
00:15:08,074 --> 00:15:10,372
Smith. John Smith.
Don't hit me again!

210
00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:11,828
John Smith.

211
00:15:11,953 --> 00:15:13,205
Well Mr. Smith,

212
00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:17,175
an Elvis impersonator just stole the
Chief's sacred warrior mask.

213
00:15:18,626 --> 00:15:19,718
You guys saw my performance

214
00:15:19,877 --> 00:15:21,720
I'm the worst Elvis impersonator
that ever lived.

215
00:15:22,130 --> 00:15:23,598
Where would I be hiding it?
In my pants?

216
00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:30,643
The White Man has stolen this mask before.

217
00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:32,056
And the Tribe...

218
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:34,768
...has suffered many hardships because of it.

219
00:15:47,321 --> 00:15:49,665
<i>It took almost a century to recover it.</i>

220
00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:56,214
<i>Before it was learned that the
white man had once again</i>

221
00:15:56,330 --> 00:15:59,254
<i>broken his word and
invaded sacred ground.</i>

222
00:16:08,176 --> 00:16:09,052
<i>But this time</i>

223
00:16:09,927 --> 00:16:12,521
<i>...the Chief and his men
were victorious.</i>

224
00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:25,155
<i>And only then...</i>

225
00:16:25,276 --> 00:16:28,325
<i>...did glory and prosperity return
to our people.</i>

226
00:16:29,947 --> 00:16:32,791
That's a really great story and ahh...

227
00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:36,421
...I know how it feels to
loose something valuable.

228
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:38,582
<i>I sympathize there,</i>

229
00:16:38,706 --> 00:16:41,004
I give you guys all my support
in the world in finding it now

230
00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:42,376
<i>if you just uncuff me</i>

231
00:16:42,460 --> 00:16:43,552
<i>and get me out of here</i>

232
00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:44,921
<i>you can go look for it!</i>

233
00:16:46,297 --> 00:16:48,516
One million dollars.

234
00:16:50,051 --> 00:16:51,724
That's the price.

235
00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:54,601
I want that mask back here...

236
00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:56,440
...by tomorrow night.

237
00:16:56,599 --> 00:16:57,691
Words going to get out.

238
00:16:59,060 --> 00:17:00,778
Call the Indian.

239
00:17:01,479 --> 00:17:02,776
Who's the Indian?

240
00:17:04,482 --> 00:17:05,699
You hear that?
Agh

241
00:17:06,234 --> 00:17:09,488
Your friends are in for it now.

242
00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:12,989
Looks like we're hunting Elvises.

243
00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:14,958
It seem as though the contest winner...

244
00:17:15,076 --> 00:17:17,170
...wrote down his
address on his entry form.

245
00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:19,209
Who would be that stupid?

246
00:17:19,455 --> 00:17:22,459
Name, address, phone number.

247
00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:24,461
Sign here.

248
00:17:26,254 --> 00:17:27,972
All right, I'll stop talking.

249
00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:29,302
What about him?

250
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:32,552
Well, he's an Elvis impersonator.

251
00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:35,721
There's only one way to be safe.

252
00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:38,015
Kill him.

253
00:17:38,432 --> 00:17:39,149
Hey!

254
00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:40,268
And besides.

255
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:42,896
Native Americans can do without
another John Smith.

256
00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:44,988
Come on, no! No! No!
Take it easy!

257
00:17:45,106 --> 00:17:46,198
Guys! Guys! Come on!

258
00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:47,692
Really, you don't have to do this!

259
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:50,449
I'm nothing, I'm nobody!
Ask my exgirlfriend.

260
00:17:50,611 --> 00:17:51,533
That's why we can do this.

261
00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:53,372
You think the Rancher is responsible?

262
00:17:53,489 --> 00:17:54,786
He's always responsible.

263
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:56,375
Who's the Rancher?

264
00:17:59,787 --> 00:18:01,755
The guy that hired you to steal the mask.

265
00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:04,212
Hey, nobody hired me remember?

266
00:18:04,542 --> 00:18:07,045
The guy who hired the guy...

267
00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:08,762
who stole the mask.

268
00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:10,969
In the past when the Government
wanted to screw the Tribe.

269
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:12,763
It was always over money!

270
00:18:12,967 --> 00:18:14,264
And almost always

271
00:18:14,385 --> 00:18:16,934
that money went into the Ranchers pocket.

272
00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:19,515
And he hates Native Americans.

273
00:18:20,016 --> 00:18:21,689
But you guys are so friendly!

274
00:18:22,143 --> 00:18:23,611
Oh oh, God!

275
00:18:24,145 --> 00:18:25,863
Hey, hey look I could scream.

276
00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:30,489
What's college boy going to do?

277
00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:32,704
<i>Crush beer cans on our heads?</i>

278
00:18:36,073 --> 00:18:37,620
Which one's yours?

279
00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:38,705
Agh...

280
00:18:39,827 --> 00:18:40,749
Duh...

281
00:18:45,541 --> 00:18:46,713
That one.

282
00:18:48,252 --> 00:18:50,004
That piece of crap?

283
00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:52,344
Buy American. Come on,
you guys are Native American,

284
00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:53,387
I thought you'd be proud.

285
00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:01,269
What are you doing?

286
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:05,319
I'm copying down this Elvis
address just in case.

287
00:19:05,436 --> 00:19:07,313
Oh come on, you think the guy
who stole the mask put his

288
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,232
real address down on an entry form?

289
00:19:09,398 --> 00:19:10,615
Get in!

290
00:19:10,941 --> 00:19:11,988
Where?

291
00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:13,694
The tunk!

292
00:19:21,702 --> 00:19:22,919
<i>You're in tune...</i>

293
00:19:24,288 --> 00:19:25,540
<i>...with K.Z.R.E...</i>

294
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:28,168
<i>where we play you
the best of yesterday...</i>

295
00:19:28,292 --> 00:19:30,010
<i>...and today.</i>

296
00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:37,514
I awoke not knowing where I was

297
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,933
<i>Which is probably
a good thing.</i>

298
00:19:47,978 --> 00:19:49,230
<i>Yeah!</i>

299
00:19:58,489 --> 00:19:59,911
Agh!

300
00:20:00,491 --> 00:20:03,244
Come on!

301
00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:05,003
Okay!

302
00:20:15,923 --> 00:20:17,266
Oh Shit!

303
00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:28,936
Oh...What?!

304
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:30,612
Jesus!

305
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:22,828
Well looks like Elvis gets to live another day.

306
00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:32,253
You really think the guy who
stole the mask wrote his...

307
00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:35,420
...real address down
on an entry form.

308
00:21:39,340 --> 00:21:40,933
Let's hope.

309
00:21:54,855 --> 00:21:56,402
Your attention please.

310
00:21:56,565 --> 00:21:59,193
<i>This is an announcement
for Train 735...</i>

311
00:21:59,360 --> 00:22:03,035
<i>...to San Antonio,
Baton Rouge and Tacoma</i>

312
00:22:03,489 --> 00:22:06,368
<i>This train has been delayed for
approximately one hour.</i>

313
00:22:06,534 --> 00:22:08,457
<i>Please remain in the station.</i>

314
00:22:08,536 --> 00:22:12,131
<i>for further notices.
All passengers will board...</i>

315
00:22:49,118 --> 00:22:51,291
Once upon a midnight dreary...

316
00:22:51,495 --> 00:22:54,294
while I pondered weak and weary.

317
00:22:55,541 --> 00:22:57,214
There came a tapping,

318
00:22:57,334 --> 00:23:00,588
gently rapping on my chamber door.

319
00:23:00,921 --> 00:23:02,218
Little lady...

320
00:23:02,631 --> 00:23:04,178
you better get the hell outta here...

321
00:23:04,300 --> 00:23:07,600
before I pull out the big gun on you.

322
00:23:09,638 --> 00:23:11,766
Baby, your gun doesn't work on me.

323
00:23:12,016 --> 00:23:13,609
Now, where...

324
00:23:14,018 --> 00:23:15,395
...is the mask?

325
00:23:18,147 --> 00:23:19,444
I don't have it.

326
00:23:21,275 --> 00:23:22,743
Wrong answer!

327
00:23:38,459 --> 00:23:39,631
Hmm.

328
00:23:40,336 --> 00:23:42,179
He is telling the truth.

329
00:23:44,131 --> 00:23:45,804
Oh well.

330
00:24:22,336 --> 00:24:23,883
All right Elvis.

331
00:24:24,254 --> 00:24:26,302
Let's see if this is where you really live.

332
00:24:28,676 --> 00:24:29,973
I'm ready for you.

333
00:24:40,020 --> 00:24:41,567
Hello?

334
00:24:47,820 --> 00:24:49,288
Oh.

335
00:25:09,508 --> 00:25:12,227
You really did put your address
down on the entry form.

336
00:25:13,887 --> 00:25:16,561
You certainly Won't be winning
any thieving contests.

337
00:25:29,445 --> 00:25:31,413
None of you will be.

338
00:25:33,115 --> 00:25:34,867
If I were an ancient Apache Warrior mask,

339
00:25:34,992 --> 00:25:36,665
where would I be hiding?

340
00:25:39,371 --> 00:25:41,294
I know...

341
00:25:41,707 --> 00:25:42,799
...the couch!

342
00:25:47,254 --> 00:25:48,756
Uh!

343
00:25:58,807 --> 00:25:59,808
<i>Hello ?</i>

344
00:25:59,933 --> 00:26:00,980
<i>Is anybody home ?</i>

345
00:26:00,981 --> 00:26:02,148
Who are you?

346
00:26:02,853 --> 00:26:04,025
I'm the girl next door.

347
00:26:06,398 --> 00:26:07,570
Of course you are.

348
00:26:08,233 --> 00:26:09,200
Can I come in?

349
00:26:09,359 --> 00:26:11,110
No. No. Go away.

350
00:26:11,111 --> 00:26:12,613
That's not very neighbourly of you.

351
00:26:12,696 --> 00:26:14,039
That's because I'm not your neighbour.

352
00:26:14,239 --> 00:26:16,537
You know, I've never been in here before.

353
00:26:18,494 --> 00:26:19,871
Oh, neat lamp.

354
00:26:20,287 --> 00:26:21,129
Ha.

355
00:26:21,413 --> 00:26:23,336
Come on, cute girl comes
in here and wants to make

356
00:26:23,499 --> 00:26:25,376
small talk with you and you tell her to leave?

357
00:26:25,542 --> 00:26:26,589
What are you gay or something?

358
00:26:26,752 --> 00:26:28,174
No, I'm not gay.

359
00:26:28,670 --> 00:26:31,014
It's okay if you are.
It's cool.

360
00:26:31,131 --> 00:26:32,678
I'm old enough to be your fath...

361
00:26:33,092 --> 00:26:34,435
...your really cool uncle.

362
00:26:34,551 --> 00:26:35,598
No, you're right.

363
00:26:35,844 --> 00:26:36,686
You could be my father.

364
00:26:36,804 --> 00:26:38,056
Could have been an accident, you know.

365
00:26:38,514 --> 00:26:41,233
Unplanned, high school, maybe after prom.

366
00:26:41,975 --> 00:26:42,817
What?

367
00:26:43,060 --> 00:26:44,812
What are you even doing here anyway?

368
00:26:44,895 --> 00:26:45,896
Oh, sugar.

369
00:26:46,021 --> 00:26:47,068
I need a cup.
Do you have any?

370
00:26:47,231 --> 00:26:47,902
Seriously?

371
00:26:48,023 --> 00:26:50,151
No... it's not the 50's.

372
00:26:50,275 --> 00:26:52,494
Hell, maybe you are too old for me.

373
00:26:52,611 --> 00:26:53,578
See you around Uncle.

374
00:26:53,695 --> 00:26:55,572
Hey if you need anything, I'm right next door.

375
00:27:26,103 --> 00:27:27,855
Give me the mask.

376
00:27:29,106 --> 00:27:30,107
I don't have it!

377
00:27:33,485 --> 00:27:34,657
Give me the mask...

378
00:27:34,736 --> 00:27:36,488
...or I kill your
next door neighbour.

379
00:27:36,655 --> 00:27:38,749
She's not my neighbour, I don't even live here.

380
00:27:38,991 --> 00:27:39,913
Agh!!

381
00:27:40,242 --> 00:27:41,209
That hurt!

382
00:27:41,660 --> 00:27:43,128
Ugh!

383
00:27:43,954 --> 00:27:45,251
So that's how it feels.

384
00:27:46,123 --> 00:27:47,215
Nice punch.

385
00:27:47,541 --> 00:27:48,588
Nice bite.

386
00:27:59,094 --> 00:28:01,313
I'm only going to ask you once.

387
00:28:02,681 --> 00:28:04,399
Where is the mask?

388
00:28:04,725 --> 00:28:05,851
Who are you?

389
00:28:07,394 --> 00:28:08,737
I'm the Cowboy.

390
00:28:10,606 --> 00:28:12,074
That was obvious.

391
00:28:14,860 --> 00:28:16,282
And I can shoot the whiskers

392
00:28:16,403 --> 00:28:18,371
off your chin from 50 yards.

393
00:28:19,239 --> 00:28:20,616
That'd be pretty weird.

394
00:28:21,658 --> 00:28:23,126
Well don't you think the cop behind you

395
00:28:23,243 --> 00:28:24,586
might have something to say about that?

396
00:28:28,707 --> 00:28:29,708
Look behind you?

397
00:28:29,833 --> 00:28:30,959
I can't believe he actually fell for it!

398
00:28:31,084 --> 00:28:32,085
Which one is your car?

399
00:28:32,252 --> 00:28:33,128
I don't have a car!

400
00:28:33,253 --> 00:28:33,970
What do you mean you don't have a car?

401
00:28:34,046 --> 00:28:34,842
I don't know.
How do you get around?

402
00:28:34,963 --> 00:28:36,306
Thankfully I have a cool Uncle.

403
00:28:36,465 --> 00:28:37,887
How did you get here?
I walked!

404
00:28:38,008 --> 00:28:39,009
You walked?
Yeah.

405
00:28:39,176 --> 00:28:40,473
From where?
Somewhere between here...

406
00:28:40,761 --> 00:28:42,308
What?
...and the Indian Reservation.

407
00:28:42,554 --> 00:28:43,897
Even the settlers used horses!

408
00:28:44,056 --> 00:28:45,478
Trust me, if I had a horse,

409
00:28:45,641 --> 00:28:46,358
I would have used it.

410
00:28:46,475 --> 00:28:47,852
Hey, I've seen that guy before.

411
00:28:47,935 --> 00:28:49,061
Outside the casino.

412
00:28:51,271 --> 00:28:52,147
Agh!

413
00:29:02,324 --> 00:29:03,041
Wait!

414
00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:04,497
What the hell's going on?

415
00:29:04,576 --> 00:29:05,873
We're running for our lives.

416
00:29:05,994 --> 00:29:06,745
Is there any particular reason

417
00:29:06,870 --> 00:29:08,622
why Cowboys are trying to kill you?

418
00:29:08,747 --> 00:29:09,589
And Indians!

419
00:29:09,748 --> 00:29:11,671
Cowboys and Indians are trying to kill you?

420
00:29:12,042 --> 00:29:13,544
What's the deal with this mask?

421
00:29:13,919 --> 00:29:16,297
It's an ancient Apache warrior mask.

422
00:29:16,421 --> 00:29:17,047
A what?

423
00:29:17,172 --> 00:29:18,094
It's a long story.

424
00:29:18,298 --> 00:29:20,141
Well, give me the abridged version.

425
00:29:22,803 --> 00:29:25,522
Ulucky in love...
Unlucky in cards, bitch.

426
00:29:25,764 --> 00:29:26,765
Straight to the 10!

427
00:29:26,890 --> 00:29:27,937
Hail to the Queen!

428
00:29:28,058 --> 00:29:29,230
We're going to hail to the King.

429
00:29:29,351 --> 00:29:30,398
Where's the mask?

430
00:29:32,646 --> 00:29:33,488
Uh!

431
00:29:40,904 --> 00:29:42,247
It's a long story.

432
00:29:42,531 --> 00:29:43,908
Well give me the abridged version.

433
00:29:44,199 --> 00:29:45,451
And here we are!

434
00:29:45,701 --> 00:29:46,623
Wow!

435
00:29:46,785 --> 00:29:48,412
You know you should probably call the Sheriff,

436
00:29:48,495 --> 00:29:49,667
tell him what the hell is going on.

437
00:29:49,955 --> 00:29:51,298
Sheriffs.

438
00:29:51,415 --> 00:29:52,712
Sheriff's as in plural.

439
00:29:52,833 --> 00:29:55,461
Yup, and they're both corrupt.

440
00:29:56,712 --> 00:29:58,259
The Chief owns one.

441
00:30:00,549 --> 00:30:02,517
And the Rancher owns the other one.

442
00:30:05,470 --> 00:30:06,938
Lovely.

443
00:30:07,055 --> 00:30:09,649
So it looks like I'm stuck with you
until I find this mask

444
00:30:09,975 --> 00:30:11,727
I am the Girl Next Door.

445
00:30:11,852 --> 00:30:13,354
My name is Cindy, by the way.

446
00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:14,772
I don't live...

447
00:30:14,855 --> 00:30:16,232
...never mind, I'm John.

448
00:30:16,523 --> 00:30:17,274
Cool!

449
00:30:17,607 --> 00:30:19,400
I always wanted an Uncle John.

450
00:30:32,414 --> 00:30:34,257
You have the right to remain silent.

451
00:30:37,461 --> 00:30:39,338
Two perfect kill shots through the windshield.

452
00:30:40,255 --> 00:30:41,802
Theories?

453
00:30:42,215 --> 00:30:43,558
Don't know.

454
00:30:44,634 --> 00:30:47,513
These Indians are a little
far from the reservation.

455
00:30:52,851 --> 00:30:54,273
Native Americans.

456
00:30:54,478 --> 00:30:55,320
What?

457
00:30:55,479 --> 00:30:57,607
They like to be called, Native Americans now.

458
00:30:58,065 --> 00:30:59,157
Whatever.

459
00:30:59,775 --> 00:31:02,449
So what are two...
...Native Americans...

460
00:31:03,153 --> 00:31:05,451
...doing away from the
casino?

461
00:31:05,822 --> 00:31:07,415
In such a crappy car?

462
00:31:08,033 --> 00:31:09,080
Besides getting killed?

463
00:31:09,785 --> 00:31:11,458
Car's got out-of-state
plates, too.

464
00:31:15,749 --> 00:31:16,796
Hmm.

465
00:31:18,794 --> 00:31:19,795
What you got?

466
00:31:29,388 --> 00:31:30,685
The car...

467
00:31:32,015 --> 00:31:34,188
Belongs to a John Smith.

468
00:31:38,021 --> 00:31:40,319
Two Native Americans stole the car...

469
00:31:40,482 --> 00:31:42,359
...of a guy named
John Smith?

470
00:31:44,861 --> 00:31:46,704
Well, that's some irony for you.

471
00:31:50,075 --> 00:31:51,247
I already told you...

472
00:31:51,410 --> 00:31:52,627
...we can't call the Sheriffs.

473
00:31:52,744 --> 00:31:54,087
I'm not calling the Sheriff.

474
00:31:54,204 --> 00:31:55,456
Sheriff's!

475
00:31:57,040 --> 00:31:57,882
Who you calling then?

476
00:31:58,041 --> 00:31:58,792
Nobody.

477
00:31:58,959 --> 00:31:59,676
Oh I get it...

478
00:31:59,793 --> 00:32:01,261
...you're going to be like my
crazy Uncle.

479
00:32:01,378 --> 00:32:02,630
You'll be Crazy Uncle John.

480
00:32:02,754 --> 00:32:04,006
When I was in the apartment next to yours...

481
00:32:04,131 --> 00:32:05,178
See, I told you we were neighbours.

482
00:32:05,424 --> 00:32:06,641
We're not...Never mind.

483
00:32:06,883 --> 00:32:08,260
When I was in that apartment, I noticed

484
00:32:08,385 --> 00:32:10,604
there were some headshots on
the Wall of the other Elvises.

485
00:32:11,096 --> 00:32:12,564
Now I'm willing to gamble

486
00:32:12,722 --> 00:32:14,144
that in this small town,
that there's not too many

487
00:32:14,266 --> 00:32:15,358
Takashi Toshiros.

488
00:32:15,475 --> 00:32:17,398
I thought you said you were a terrible gambler.

489
00:32:18,145 --> 00:32:20,364
Nope, I've only lost in slots, poker...

490
00:32:20,522 --> 00:32:22,240
...and love.

491
00:32:22,774 --> 00:32:24,526
You'd think in a day and age of cell phones...

492
00:32:24,651 --> 00:32:26,528
...the payphone would've died
a horrible death and yet...

493
00:32:27,529 --> 00:32:28,655
...some remain,

494
00:32:28,864 --> 00:32:30,081
fighting destiny...

495
00:32:30,282 --> 00:32:31,579
...marking a...

496
00:32:31,908 --> 00:32:33,205
simpler time.

497
00:32:33,326 --> 00:32:34,578
That's beautiful.

498
00:32:34,953 --> 00:32:36,671
Now give me the mask!

499
00:32:38,039 --> 00:32:39,006
Midget Elvis!

500
00:32:39,166 --> 00:32:40,418
Little person, bitch!

501
00:32:40,876 --> 00:32:42,503
Oh you said he was a little touchy about that.

502
00:32:44,004 --> 00:32:45,130
Very touchy.

503
00:32:45,255 --> 00:32:47,383
Now give me the mask
or I'll blow your balls off!

504
00:32:47,549 --> 00:32:49,893
She doesn't have balls... you don't have
balls... she doesn't have balls.

505
00:32:50,135 --> 00:32:51,728
I'm not screwing around!

506
00:32:51,845 --> 00:32:52,892
Look man, I don't have it!

507
00:32:53,054 --> 00:32:54,476
He doesn't! I would
know, he's my neighbour.

508
00:32:54,681 --> 00:32:55,603
I'm not...

509
00:32:55,724 --> 00:32:57,442
Why does everybody think I have it?

510
00:32:57,601 --> 00:32:59,023
Because you stole it.

511
00:32:59,144 --> 00:32:59,940
I didn't!

512
00:33:01,730 --> 00:33:03,198
Last chance.

513
00:33:04,399 --> 00:33:05,571
Well what do you think the cop behind you

514
00:33:05,692 --> 00:33:06,568
is going to say about it?

515
00:33:06,693 --> 00:33:08,115
Do you think I'm stupid?

516
00:33:08,278 --> 00:33:09,530
I'm not falling for that!

517
00:33:09,654 --> 00:33:10,746
Everything all right?

518
00:33:12,866 --> 00:33:14,664
Yes, everything's fine.

519
00:33:14,993 --> 00:33:16,495
Because I just hate it...

520
00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:18,872
...when people make fun of a little person.

521
00:33:19,414 --> 00:33:22,167
No, listen officer we weren't
making fun of a little person

522
00:33:22,292 --> 00:33:24,294
we're just asking for some
directions. Really.

523
00:33:24,461 --> 00:33:25,303
Right? Yup

524
00:33:25,378 --> 00:33:26,630
Yeah. Have a nice day.

525
00:33:26,838 --> 00:33:28,556
Right.
Thank you Deputy.

526
00:33:37,891 --> 00:33:40,440
Looks like Elvis died on the toilet.

527
00:33:40,685 --> 00:33:42,153
Yep.
Again.

528
00:33:43,104 --> 00:33:44,606
I don't think he's dead.

529
00:33:47,234 --> 00:33:48,110
Which one?

530
00:33:48,235 --> 00:33:49,202
Which one what?

531
00:33:50,153 --> 00:33:51,325
Which Elvis do you think is still alive?

532
00:33:51,488 --> 00:33:52,785
The real one, or that guy?

533
00:33:53,865 --> 00:33:54,616
Both.

534
00:33:54,741 --> 00:33:55,663
Both'?

535
00:33:56,159 --> 00:33:57,206
Really?

536
00:33:57,327 --> 00:33:58,670
Everybody knows that the King

537
00:33:58,787 --> 00:34:00,460
faked his death to get away from the Colonel...

538
00:34:00,580 --> 00:34:02,958
...lead a normal life,
live happily ever after.

539
00:34:03,083 --> 00:34:04,585
That guy however,

540
00:34:04,751 --> 00:34:06,503
is an impersonator.

541
00:34:07,128 --> 00:34:09,222
No shit.

542
00:34:09,965 --> 00:34:11,763
No actually I'm afraid there is.

543
00:34:11,883 --> 00:34:12,759
H g

544
00:34:13,009 --> 00:34:14,807
Don't start with the
toilet humor. All right.

545
00:34:14,928 --> 00:34:15,975
Too late.

546
00:34:16,721 --> 00:34:17,893
So Sheriff...

547
00:34:18,139 --> 00:34:21,188
...you've determined in
your expertise...

548
00:34:21,643 --> 00:34:23,816
...that the dead guy here
is not the real Elvis...

549
00:34:23,895 --> 00:34:25,863
...but rather an
Elvis impersonator.

550
00:34:25,981 --> 00:34:27,403
No, Sheriff,

551
00:34:27,524 --> 00:34:29,117
I've determined in my expertise

552
00:34:29,234 --> 00:34:31,612
that the dead guy is not a
real Elvis impersonator,

553
00:34:31,695 --> 00:34:33,572
you can tell by the boots.

554
00:34:35,240 --> 00:34:37,368
Any true Elvis lover would know that the King

555
00:34:37,492 --> 00:34:38,960
would never be caught dead in those.

556
00:34:39,119 --> 00:34:39,790
No pun intended.

557
00:34:39,911 --> 00:34:42,334
Hmm. Elvis impersonator...

558
00:34:42,414 --> 00:34:44,041
impersonator.

559
00:34:48,378 --> 00:34:50,096
John Smith.

560
00:34:50,505 --> 00:34:53,008
The owner of the car with the dead Indians.

561
00:34:53,133 --> 00:34:54,259
Native Americans.

562
00:34:55,051 --> 00:34:56,724
So what do two dead "Native Americans�

563
00:34:56,845 --> 00:34:59,894
and a dead Elvis impersonator
impersonator have in common?

564
00:35:01,933 --> 00:35:03,059
John Smith.
John Smith.

565
00:35:05,937 --> 00:35:09,111
So this is luxurious estate of Asian Elvis, huh?

566
00:35:09,441 --> 00:35:12,069
I guess Elvis impersonating
doesn't pay all that well.

567
00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:13,703
So what's your plan?

568
00:35:13,862 --> 00:35:14,784
My Plan?

569
00:35:14,904 --> 00:35:15,871
I was going to go in there and demand

570
00:35:15,989 --> 00:35:17,081
that he give me the mask.

571
00:35:17,240 --> 00:35:18,708
That's a popular plan these days.

572
00:35:19,284 --> 00:35:20,536
Simple and sweet.

573
00:35:20,869 --> 00:35:21,916
I like it.

574
00:35:24,914 --> 00:35:26,666
Very popular plan.

575
00:35:34,049 --> 00:35:35,551
Maybe its the maid's day off?

576
00:35:37,469 --> 00:35:39,187
Sure hate to be the owner of this place.

577
00:35:39,471 --> 00:35:41,144
That's why I rent!

578
00:35:41,306 --> 00:35:42,102
Hey!

579
00:35:42,223 --> 00:35:44,146
And here I thought I'd have to come after you.

580
00:35:44,351 --> 00:35:45,819
We ahh, we didn't see you there.

581
00:35:45,894 --> 00:35:47,737
Because Asians are sneaky, right'?

582
00:35:47,854 --> 00:35:50,107
Starting right off with the stereotypes.

583
00:35:50,231 --> 00:35:50,982
What?

584
00:35:51,107 --> 00:35:52,529
Give me the mask!

585
00:35:52,859 --> 00:35:53,985
Hey that was your line.

586
00:35:54,235 --> 00:35:55,657
Look, like I'm telling everybody else,

587
00:35:55,737 --> 00:35:56,989
I don't have it!

588
00:35:57,155 --> 00:35:58,828
First you steal the mask,

589
00:35:58,990 --> 00:36:00,333
then you kill Alan.

590
00:36:00,450 --> 00:36:01,167
Alan?

591
00:36:01,284 --> 00:36:02,285
<i>Gay Elvis.</i>

592
00:36:02,410 --> 00:36:03,206
Gay Elvis?

593
00:36:03,328 --> 00:36:05,706
Murdered in a train station bathroom.

594
00:36:06,998 --> 00:36:08,375
They're hunting down all the Elvis'

595
00:36:08,458 --> 00:36:09,334
trying to find the mask.

596
00:36:09,459 --> 00:36:12,258
Heard on my Police scanner that
he was shot on the toilet multiple times.

597
00:36:12,587 --> 00:36:13,634
You have a police scanner?

598
00:36:13,755 --> 00:36:14,722
Of course I do.

599
00:36:14,839 --> 00:36:16,887
Because I'm Asian, I must be
good with technology, right?

600
00:36:16,966 --> 00:36:17,512
What?

601
00:36:17,717 --> 00:36:19,890
Let me guess, you think every Asian knows karate

602
00:36:20,011 --> 00:36:21,183
I bet computers too.

603
00:36:21,304 --> 00:36:22,851
And I suppose I must've
gotten really good grades in school,

604
00:36:23,098 --> 00:36:24,020
studied every night,

605
00:36:24,099 --> 00:36:25,692
all while working at my
parents dry cleaners store

606
00:36:25,809 --> 00:36:26,901
on the weekend.

607
00:36:27,227 --> 00:36:29,525
Well in my case, that's just not true.

608
00:36:30,522 --> 00:36:31,648
Except for the Karate part.

609
00:36:31,856 --> 00:36:32,778
Hey ah!

610
00:36:34,484 --> 00:36:36,578
No one's hunting this Elvis down

611
00:36:36,695 --> 00:36:38,572
you generic European hybrid.

612
00:36:40,615 --> 00:36:42,037
And who are you supposed to be?

613
00:36:42,701 --> 00:36:44,123
The Girl Next Door?

614
00:36:44,577 --> 00:36:45,624
Exactly.

615
00:36:45,829 --> 00:36:46,921
Well little girl.

616
00:36:47,330 --> 00:36:48,331
Tell me where the mask is

617
00:36:48,415 --> 00:36:49,462
or I'm going to open up a can of

618
00:36:49,582 --> 00:36:50,549
whoop-ass on you too.

619
00:36:50,667 --> 00:36:52,510
I don't know where the mask is,
I've never even seen the mask.

620
00:36:53,044 --> 00:36:55,012
I suppose you think I wouldn't hit a girl.

621
00:36:55,088 --> 00:36:56,305
Hey ah!

622
00:36:56,464 --> 00:36:57,886
Wrong again!

623
00:36:58,091 --> 00:36:59,263
Ah, Oh.

624
00:36:59,509 --> 00:37:01,102
I can't believe you just did that.

625
00:37:02,262 --> 00:37:03,184
I know...

626
00:37:03,304 --> 00:37:05,306
I'm just breaking every stereotype today!

627
00:37:05,432 --> 00:37:07,776
Your little White Man's brain
must be ready to explode.

628
00:37:07,892 --> 00:37:09,394
You really are an asshole, aren't you!

629
00:37:09,561 --> 00:37:10,858
Takes one to know one.

630
00:37:11,229 --> 00:37:12,822
Did you really just say that?

631
00:37:12,939 --> 00:37:14,189
Yes I did.

632
00:37:14,190 --> 00:37:15,533
Now give

633
00:37:15,650 --> 00:37:16,526
me

634
00:37:16,651 --> 00:37:17,618
the

635
00:37:17,861 --> 00:37:19,283
mask!
Agh!

636
00:37:21,573 --> 00:37:22,665
Yes!

637
00:37:31,374 --> 00:37:32,500
Look behind you.

638
00:37:32,625 --> 00:37:33,842
Look behind me?

639
00:37:34,210 --> 00:37:35,962
Remember the stereotype little girl,

640
00:37:36,087 --> 00:37:37,714
Asian's are smart.

641
00:37:38,047 --> 00:37:39,390
Not dumb!

642
00:37:54,230 --> 00:37:55,607
I'm here for the mask.

643
00:37:58,026 --> 00:37:59,278
Shocker.

644
00:37:59,402 --> 00:38:00,574
You better pray you're not Elvis.

645
00:38:00,987 --> 00:38:02,989
No no, I'm a Smith.

646
00:38:04,991 --> 00:38:06,208
John Smith?

647
00:38:06,367 --> 00:38:07,289
Yeah!

648
00:38:07,744 --> 00:38:08,836
Aren't you dead?

649
00:38:08,953 --> 00:38:10,705
I don't think so.

650
00:38:12,207 --> 00:38:13,629
Wait, wait. You're a...

651
00:38:14,125 --> 00:38:15,251
you're the Indian.

652
00:38:18,171 --> 00:38:19,423
Do I look like I'm from India?

653
00:38:19,589 --> 00:38:21,182
I meant uhh... Native
American.

654
00:38:21,257 --> 00:38:22,634
Do I look like I work...

655
00:38:22,884 --> 00:38:23,931
...at Seven Eleven?

656
00:38:24,093 --> 00:38:26,141
Wait, wait! That's a little
racist too, isn't it!

657
00:38:26,888 --> 00:38:27,980
Suppose you think...

658
00:38:28,723 --> 00:38:30,191
this a tomahawk?

659
00:38:30,308 --> 00:38:33,027
I was going to say hatchet,
but now that you mention it.

660
00:38:33,394 --> 00:38:35,772
And what? I'm going to
scalp you, is that it?

661
00:38:35,855 --> 00:38:38,074
No, that would be racially
insensitive of me to think that!

662
00:38:38,191 --> 00:38:39,363
That's good.

663
00:38:39,943 --> 00:38:41,490
You're not stupid as you look.

664
00:38:41,653 --> 00:38:42,620
Thank you.

665
00:38:45,031 --> 00:38:46,783
But unfortunately for you...

666
00:38:47,283 --> 00:38:48,751
...it is a tomahawk.

667
00:38:49,327 --> 00:38:50,670
And this Indian...

668
00:38:51,037 --> 00:38:51,788
Help!

669
00:38:53,748 --> 00:38:55,170
...is going to scalp you!

670
00:38:59,254 --> 00:39:00,471
Should have looked behind you.

671
00:39:01,422 --> 00:39:02,639
Come on, let's go.

672
00:39:02,640 --> 00:39:04,100
Never argue with a woman.

673
00:39:05,635 --> 00:39:07,933
Look behind you! What are you
three for three with that?

674
00:39:08,054 --> 00:39:08,930
Four for four.

675
00:39:09,013 --> 00:39:10,230
But to be fair, three of the four times,

676
00:39:10,348 --> 00:39:11,565
there was actually someone behind them.

677
00:39:11,683 --> 00:39:13,060
Okay, come on, come on.

678
00:39:18,773 --> 00:39:20,070
That was my first tomahawking

679
00:39:20,191 --> 00:39:21,363
what about you?

680
00:39:21,901 --> 00:39:22,777
I changed my mind.

681
00:39:23,194 --> 00:39:24,446
I think we need to call the Sheriff's.

682
00:39:24,821 --> 00:39:26,949
The mask is worth one million dollars.

683
00:39:28,032 --> 00:39:29,909
Maybe the sheriff's can
wait a little bit longer.

684
00:39:30,326 --> 00:39:31,543
Not even the girl next door

685
00:39:31,661 --> 00:39:32,753
is immune to greed.

686
00:39:33,162 --> 00:39:34,664
Well, I caught it from my Uncle.

687
00:39:35,415 --> 00:39:36,086
Hey...

688
00:39:36,416 --> 00:39:37,463
...there's that guy again.

689
00:39:37,667 --> 00:39:38,384
<i>What guy?</i>

690
00:39:38,918 --> 00:39:40,170
That guy from the casino!

691
00:39:40,378 --> 00:39:41,174
Hey you!

692
00:39:41,379 --> 00:39:42,255
John, wait!

693
00:39:42,505 --> 00:39:43,597
I want to talk to you for a minute.

694
00:39:43,715 --> 00:39:44,682
What?

695
00:39:44,841 --> 00:39:45,763
Who are you?

696
00:39:46,217 --> 00:39:47,434
Dude what happened to your face?

697
00:39:47,594 --> 00:39:49,312
I just got beat up by an Asian Elvis,

698
00:39:49,429 --> 00:39:51,022
but that is not important right now.

699
00:39:51,222 --> 00:39:53,475
Really I saw you outside the casino

700
00:39:53,641 --> 00:39:54,893
what's you deal?

701
00:39:54,976 --> 00:39:56,899
Dude, unless you want to also
get beat up by a college kid,

702
00:39:57,020 --> 00:39:58,192
I'd walk away right now.

703
00:39:58,313 --> 00:39:59,565
No, I'm not going anywhere man,

704
00:39:59,689 --> 00:40:01,783
until you tell me why you are following us.

705
00:40:02,108 --> 00:40:03,155
Okay.

706
00:40:05,028 --> 00:40:05,950
Agh!

707
00:40:09,908 --> 00:40:11,626
Agh!! Uh!

708
00:40:11,743 --> 00:40:13,461
Stick to fighting Elvises, moron.

709
00:40:13,661 --> 00:40:14,537
Huh!

710
00:40:15,038 --> 00:40:16,711
Stop it! Get away from him!

711
00:40:17,123 --> 00:40:18,420
What! He was
asking for it!

712
00:40:19,208 --> 00:40:20,380
I can't believe it!

713
00:40:20,668 --> 00:40:22,136
The Chief's men were right!

714
00:40:22,253 --> 00:40:24,381
He actually just crushed a beer can on my head.

715
00:40:24,714 --> 00:40:25,840
Just get out of here!

716
00:40:29,469 --> 00:40:31,722
I'd listen to the lady if I was you, boy.

717
00:40:31,930 --> 00:40:33,022
Yes sir!

718
00:40:36,434 --> 00:40:37,811
You look good.

719
00:40:38,144 --> 00:40:39,236
Thanks.

720
00:40:39,604 --> 00:40:41,606
You broke my nose, asshole.

721
00:40:41,981 --> 00:40:43,608
I know how you feel.

722
00:40:43,691 --> 00:40:45,193
Are there any Hispanics in this town

723
00:40:45,360 --> 00:40:46,657
'cause right now that's the only ethnicity that

724
00:40:46,736 --> 00:40:48,409
<i>hasn't kicked my ass yet.</i>

725
00:40:49,822 --> 00:40:51,074
Somebody wants to talk to you.

726
00:40:51,240 --> 00:40:52,287
Ah!

727
00:40:52,408 --> 00:40:54,251
I can't imagine what that's about.

728
00:40:54,494 --> 00:40:56,496
I already killed me two Injun's today.

729
00:41:03,586 --> 00:41:05,304
Don't make me kill you too.

730
00:41:27,735 --> 00:41:29,703
I want the mask.

731
00:41:30,029 --> 00:41:32,031
Well that's refreshing, usually people say

732
00:41:32,198 --> 00:41:33,450
"give me the mask", you went with

733
00:41:33,574 --> 00:41:34,917
"I want" the mask.

734
00:41:37,120 --> 00:41:38,622
Do you know who I am?

735
00:41:39,205 --> 00:41:40,331
You're the Rancher.

736
00:41:40,707 --> 00:41:43,335
Yeah I was ah, going to guess the Rancher too.

737
00:41:45,211 --> 00:41:46,929
I own this town.

738
00:41:47,672 --> 00:41:50,551
Several others just like it,
most of the land in-between.

739
00:41:51,759 --> 00:41:53,887
Goverment says I can't own
the Indian Reservation,

740
00:41:54,012 --> 00:41:55,980
but that doesn't matter, that's
worthless anyway until the...

741
00:41:56,514 --> 00:41:59,267
...Chief's built his Casino.

742
00:41:59,976 --> 00:42:01,319
See that, whether you're rich or poor

743
00:42:01,477 --> 00:42:02,399
we all have problems.

744
00:42:02,729 --> 00:42:04,731
It's been very nice meeting you.
Very enlightening.

745
00:42:04,814 --> 00:42:06,407
Uncle John, I think it's time to shut up now.

746
00:42:06,691 --> 00:42:08,568
That's a smart girl.

747
00:42:09,610 --> 00:42:11,783
I'd listen to her If I was you.

748
00:42:13,906 --> 00:42:15,328
Continue.

749
00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:18,002
This...

750
00:42:18,161 --> 00:42:22,007
Warrior Mask is where the Apache
gain all their power.

751
00:42:23,374 --> 00:42:24,796
When it was lost in...

752
00:42:25,001 --> 00:42:26,924
battle with U.S. Calvalry
they were dfeated

753
00:42:27,086 --> 00:42:29,805
and forced to live as drunks in the reservation.

754
00:42:30,214 --> 00:42:31,636
When it was found...

755
00:42:31,883 --> 00:42:33,851
they became powerful again

756
00:42:33,968 --> 00:42:35,766
and built their casino.

757
00:42:36,345 --> 00:42:39,144
Interestingly, I've heard this story before.

758
00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:40,562
From the Indians...

759
00:42:40,767 --> 00:42:43,111
Not with your colorful descriptions added.

760
00:42:43,311 --> 00:42:45,609
But I bet you don't know the best part.

761
00:42:47,523 --> 00:42:49,821
The Apache don't make warrior masks.

762
00:42:50,318 --> 00:42:51,615
Hopi do.

763
00:42:51,694 --> 00:42:52,661
Hopi?

764
00:42:52,862 --> 00:42:54,705
Hopi. It's another tribe.

765
00:42:54,822 --> 00:42:55,823
There's not many of them left.

766
00:42:55,990 --> 00:42:56,912
Wich means

767
00:42:57,033 --> 00:42:59,536
that Chief's tribe originally stole the mask

768
00:42:59,660 --> 00:43:00,912
from some other tribe.

769
00:43:01,245 --> 00:43:03,543
And now, like all good European white man,

770
00:43:03,831 --> 00:43:05,504
we're gonna take it from them.

771
00:43:05,750 --> 00:43:06,751
Greed.

772
00:43:07,085 --> 00:43:08,132
What?

773
00:43:08,544 --> 00:43:09,295
Nothing.

774
00:43:09,462 --> 00:43:11,635
Now don't feel too bad for the savages.

775
00:43:11,798 --> 00:43:13,971
They'll kill to get that mask.

776
00:43:14,592 --> 00:43:15,809
When they lost it the firs time

777
00:43:15,927 --> 00:43:18,021
they killed whole family just to get it back.

778
00:43:28,064 --> 00:43:29,657
Careful, it's very old.

779
00:43:31,192 --> 00:43:32,739
Just like that.

780
00:43:32,902 --> 00:43:34,236
How did you find it'?

781
00:43:34,237 --> 00:43:36,990
His new boss sent him out there
looking for old war artifacts and

782
00:43:37,115 --> 00:43:38,367
he finds this.

783
00:43:40,827 --> 00:43:42,955
All right. Let's wrap it up.

784
00:44:29,458 --> 00:44:31,131
That family worked for me.

785
00:44:31,878 --> 00:44:34,222
Mother, Father, Little boy, all killed.

786
00:44:34,547 --> 00:44:37,300
Except for some old Indian woman,
some sort of...

787
00:44:37,592 --> 00:44:39,390
code of the savages.

788
00:44:40,178 --> 00:44:41,054
: She lives.

789
00:44:41,345 --> 00:44:43,347
: Only the white man
dies today.

790
00:44:43,598 --> 00:44:44,975
That's horrible.

791
00:44:45,766 --> 00:44:49,236
Um, so where again did you
say the Father found the mask?

792
00:44:49,687 --> 00:44:50,654
What's it matter?

793
00:44:51,564 --> 00:44:53,942
He found it, they killed him, the Chief got it!

794
00:44:54,108 --> 00:44:55,234
Without that mask the whole tribe

795
00:44:55,401 --> 00:44:57,824
would still be forced to sork
for me If they weren't too drunk.

796
00:44:57,945 --> 00:44:59,697
to get off that casspool of a reservation..

797
00:44:59,822 --> 00:45:01,369
But Instead...

798
00:45:01,490 --> 00:45:02,742
they built a casino

799
00:45:02,867 --> 00:45:05,165
now make even more money than I do.

800
00:45:05,286 --> 00:45:08,756
So you hired the Elvises
to steal the mask for yourself.

801
00:45:08,873 --> 00:45:11,797
You exploit whatever weaknesses our enemy has..

802
00:45:12,126 --> 00:45:13,878
That casino is a fortress.

803
00:45:14,212 --> 00:45:16,806
Only Apache warriors and Elvis impersonators

804
00:45:16,923 --> 00:45:19,426
are allowed into the Chief's Inner sanctum.

805
00:45:20,051 --> 00:45:21,428
So what happened?

806
00:45:22,178 --> 00:45:23,680
I don't know.

807
00:45:24,430 --> 00:45:27,104
But that's why I have your Uncle John here.

808
00:45:28,059 --> 00:45:30,278
So, Captain Smith, you and...

809
00:45:30,394 --> 00:45:32,988
Pocahontas have 'till tomorrow
to brig me the mask.

810
00:45:33,105 --> 00:45:34,573
or I'm going to cut off your head and hang it.

811
00:45:34,732 --> 00:45:36,826
next to all the other animals on my wall.

812
00:45:39,654 --> 00:45:41,531
Do we understand each other?

813
00:45:42,531 --> 00:45:43,657
Yes sir.

814
00:45:46,077 --> 00:45:47,499
Agh!

815
00:45:58,464 --> 00:45:59,841
We're right back Where we started.

816
00:46:02,260 --> 00:46:03,933
He just threatened to cut off our heads

817
00:46:04,053 --> 00:46:05,930
Well technically he only threatened
to cut off my head.

818
00:46:06,013 --> 00:46:07,356
<i>Well greet, / feel so
much better.</i>

819
00:46:07,473 --> 00:46:09,316
I won't get killed because of a technicality.

820
00:46:09,433 --> 00:46:10,525
Well if it makes you feel any better

821
00:46:10,643 --> 00:46:11,735
there's plenty of other people out there

822
00:46:11,852 --> 00:46:13,195
who are willing to kill you today.

823
00:46:13,437 --> 00:46:14,984
So how are we going to find this mask?

824
00:46:15,273 --> 00:46:17,401
All we know is that an Elvis has it.

825
00:46:17,900 --> 00:46:19,322
That's all we need to know.

826
00:46:20,278 --> 00:46:21,825
There were five Elvises.

827
00:46:22,571 --> 00:46:25,040
<i>One of them stole the meek
and betrayed the others-</i>

828
00:46:26,575 --> 00:46:29,749
<i>If you take me outta the equation,
that leaves only four.</i>

829
00:46:30,705 --> 00:46:31,672
<i>Midget Elvis...</i>

830
00:46:31,789 --> 00:46:33,257
<i>I mean little person Elvis...</i>

831
00:46:33,374 --> 00:46:34,921
<i>...came ater me
looking for the mask.</i>

832
00:46:35,042 --> 00:46:36,339
<i>So we know it wasn't him.</i>

833
00:46:36,460 --> 00:46:38,554
<i>Takashi aka Asian Elvis,</i>

834
00:46:38,671 --> 00:46:40,924
<i>also demanded the mask
the moment he saw us.</i>

835
00:46:41,048 --> 00:46:42,516
<i>So it couldn't have been him either</i>

836
00:46:43,134 --> 00:46:45,057
<i>And before he got a tomahawk in the back</i>

837
00:46:45,136 --> 00:46:46,513
<i>Takashi told us that Alan...</i>

838
00:46:46,679 --> 00:46:48,056
<i>aka, Gay Elvis...</i>

839
00:46:48,180 --> 00:46:49,682
<i>had been killed
at the train station.</i>

840
00:46:50,224 --> 00:46:53,478
<i>Which leaves only the
contest winner himself</i>

841
00:46:53,728 --> 00:46:55,571
<i>Elvis... Elvis.</i>

842
00:46:55,688 --> 00:46:56,940
Your neighbour.

843
00:46:57,106 --> 00:46:58,358
But I thought you were my neighbour.

844
00:46:59,025 --> 00:47:00,322
I'm your uncle.

845
00:47:00,609 --> 00:47:03,032
I'm talking about your real next door neighbour.

846
00:47:03,446 --> 00:47:04,993
So where is this
Elvis-Elvis?

847
00:47:45,071 --> 00:47:48,245
<i>So, if I where an Elvis
impersonator...</i>

848
00:47:48,407 --> 00:47:51,786
contest winner who just stole an
ancient Apache warrior mask

849
00:47:51,911 --> 00:47:53,913
Worth one million dollars, where would I be?

850
00:47:54,121 --> 00:47:54,997
Hopi.

851
00:47:55,122 --> 00:47:56,123
What?

852
00:47:56,248 --> 00:47:57,750
Ancient Hopi warrior mask.

853
00:47:57,917 --> 00:47:59,089
Right.

854
00:47:59,460 --> 00:48:00,586
<i>I do have an idea.</i>

855
00:48:00,753 --> 00:48:02,426
You still think we shouldn't
call the sheriff's'?

856
00:48:02,546 --> 00:48:04,344
No, we need to find the mask, save our heads,

857
00:48:04,507 --> 00:48:05,975
get rich and live and live happily ever after.

858
00:48:06,133 --> 00:48:07,180
Hmm.

859
00:48:09,261 --> 00:48:10,763
I couldn't agree more.

860
00:48:10,971 --> 00:48:12,018
Midget Elvis!

861
00:48:12,098 --> 00:48:13,691
Little person, asshole!

862
00:48:13,766 --> 00:48:14,608
Sorry.

863
00:48:14,725 --> 00:48:17,148
I knew you bitches would
return to the scene of the crime.

864
00:48:17,269 --> 00:48:18,236
Which crime is he talking about?

865
00:48:18,354 --> 00:48:20,322
I don't know. There's been
so many, I've lost track.

866
00:48:20,439 --> 00:48:22,783
It's just a figure of speech, dickwad!

867
00:48:22,900 --> 00:48:25,073
I meant you finally camo back home.

868
00:48:25,194 --> 00:48:27,822
I don't live here.
She lives next door.

869
00:48:27,947 --> 00:48:28,994
Thanks.

870
00:48:30,699 --> 00:48:33,919
You're a sick twisted bastard, you know that.

871
00:48:34,328 --> 00:48:36,501
Having all our pictures taped to your wall...

872
00:48:36,747 --> 00:48:38,169
...jerking off to them at night!

873
00:48:38,332 --> 00:48:39,754
What?
That is pretty sick.

874
00:48:39,917 --> 00:48:42,340
It wasn't good enough for you
just to steal the mask.

875
00:48:42,503 --> 00:48:46,178
No you had to live out your perverted
fantasies and kill all of us.

876
00:48:47,133 --> 00:48:48,601
You get off on that, don't you?

877
00:48:48,759 --> 00:48:50,511
What the hell are you talking about?

878
00:48:50,845 --> 00:48:52,438
First you kill Gay Elvis...

879
00:48:52,555 --> 00:48:54,899
in a bathroom stall no less!

880
00:48:55,057 --> 00:48:56,604
Then you kill Asina Elvis...

881
00:48:56,767 --> 00:48:58,519
by thrusting a hatchet into his back!

882
00:48:58,644 --> 00:49:01,443
Hey wait. It wasn't a hatchet,
it was a tomahawk.

883
00:49:01,564 --> 00:49:02,861
Apparently there is a difference.

884
00:49:02,982 --> 00:49:05,405
And now you want to try and kill me.

885
00:49:05,526 --> 00:49:06,869
Well ass wipe...

886
00:49:06,986 --> 00:49:08,613
it's not going to happen!

887
00:49:08,696 --> 00:49:10,369
Excuse me, in Uncle John's defense

888
00:49:10,489 --> 00:49:12,082
he didn't kill any of those people.

889
00:49:12,867 --> 00:49:14,961
The Indian did...l think.

890
00:49:15,161 --> 00:49:16,663
Uncle John?

891
00:49:16,787 --> 00:49:18,710
So now you're screwing your niece?

892
00:49:19,081 --> 00:49:22,005
Damn! You are one
perverted bastard!

893
00:49:22,126 --> 00:49:24,549
No, no. It's not like that.
She's my neighbour.

894
00:49:24,670 --> 00:49:26,843
Not actually my neighbour...

895
00:49:26,964 --> 00:49:28,341
Now tell me where the mask is

896
00:49:28,466 --> 00:49:30,514
before I cut you both down to my size!

897
00:49:35,389 --> 00:49:37,483
Yes, tell us where the mask is.

898
00:49:38,767 --> 00:49:39,984
Nice outfit.

899
00:49:40,102 --> 00:49:41,194
Thank you.

900
00:49:41,312 --> 00:49:42,939
Who the hell are you?

901
00:49:44,648 --> 00:49:46,491
It's some visitor, I murdered,

902
00:49:46,734 --> 00:49:48,361
tapping at my chamber door.

903
00:49:48,486 --> 00:49:50,659
This it is, and nothing more.

904
00:49:50,738 --> 00:49:51,910
Edgar Allen Poe?

905
00:49:52,031 --> 00:49:53,032
An educated man.

906
00:49:53,574 --> 00:49:54,951
Then you're smart enough to know

907
00:49:55,117 --> 00:49:57,461
who will be walking out of here
with that duffle bag.

908
00:49:57,870 --> 00:49:59,338
Did you jurt threaten me?

909
00:50:01,624 --> 00:50:04,343
Because bitch, this midget will fuck you up!

910
00:50:04,460 --> 00:50:05,256
Ahh, little person.

911
00:50:05,336 --> 00:50:05,962
Whatever!

912
00:50:06,212 --> 00:50:08,089
Oh I've had about enough of this.

913
00:50:13,802 --> 00:50:14,644
Aghh!

914
00:50:21,185 --> 00:50:22,027
Uh!

915
00:50:40,454 --> 00:50:42,377
Hmm.

916
00:50:46,335 --> 00:50:47,882
How many assassins do they have in this town!

917
00:50:48,003 --> 00:50:48,925
Oh!

918
00:50:49,088 --> 00:50:50,340
Ouch!

919
00:50:50,464 --> 00:50:51,556
That looks like it hurt.

920
00:50:54,134 --> 00:50:56,637
John Smith, I presume.

921
00:50:57,846 --> 00:50:59,439
Yeah.

922
00:51:00,057 --> 00:51:01,525
Well we just heard gunshots.

923
00:51:02,101 --> 00:51:03,353
We going to find another...

924
00:51:03,519 --> 00:51:04,941
dead body up there?

925
00:51:05,229 --> 00:51:06,481
Probably.

926
00:51:06,605 --> 00:51:07,697
Imagine that.

927
00:51:07,940 --> 00:51:10,193
We follow the address written
on the hand of a dead Indian...

928
00:51:10,359 --> 00:51:11,326
Native American.

929
00:51:11,860 --> 00:51:14,830
Native American, lying in a pool
of blood next to another dead...

930
00:51:14,947 --> 00:51:16,949
Native American in a car...

931
00:51:17,074 --> 00:51:18,166
registered to you.

932
00:51:18,284 --> 00:51:20,082
And we find your credit card lying on the body

933
00:51:20,202 --> 00:51:22,625
of a dead Elvis
impersonator-impersonator

934
00:51:22,746 --> 00:51:24,248
in the bathroom of a train station.

935
00:51:24,373 --> 00:51:25,625
And now here you are.

936
00:51:25,874 --> 00:51:27,217
I haven't killed anybody.

937
00:51:27,334 --> 00:51:28,051
Who said you did?

938
00:51:28,168 --> 00:51:29,420
So, ahh, upstairs...

939
00:51:29,878 --> 00:51:31,846
are we going to find a dead Elvis...

940
00:51:32,006 --> 00:51:32,882
or dead Indian.

941
00:51:33,007 --> 00:51:34,054
Native American.

942
00:51:34,174 --> 00:51:35,096
Whatever.

943
00:51:37,094 --> 00:51:38,437
Probably an Elvis.

944
00:51:39,138 --> 00:51:42,233
Agh! I'm tellin' ya,
you got the wrong guy.

945
00:51:44,018 --> 00:51:45,065
Somebody else.

946
00:51:45,561 --> 00:51:47,814
I like that, somebody else.

947
00:51:47,980 --> 00:51:49,982
What about the girl you were with?

948
00:51:50,107 --> 00:51:52,530
No, you don't want her either,
she doesn't know anything,

949
00:51:52,651 --> 00:51:54,073
she's just the girl next door.

950
00:51:54,194 --> 00:51:56,538
Next door to the apartment
that you say you don't live in.

951
00:51:56,614 --> 00:51:57,581
Right.

952
00:51:57,698 --> 00:52:01,828
Okay Mr. Smith we're going to
hold you in this car for 12...

953
00:52:01,952 --> 00:52:03,374
Make it 24.

954
00:52:03,579 --> 00:52:05,206
24 hours!

955
00:52:05,414 --> 00:52:07,667
We'll see if anymore dead people show up.

956
00:52:07,791 --> 00:52:09,885
That's not going to
work for me. Okay!

957
00:52:10,002 --> 00:52:12,972
A lot of stuff is going to happen
in the next 12 to 24 hours.

958
00:52:13,130 --> 00:52:15,553
Sorry jail's cutting into your busy schedule.

959
00:52:16,133 --> 00:52:17,510
You could always tell us what's relly going on

960
00:52:17,635 --> 00:52:18,978
and speed up the process.

961
00:52:22,014 --> 00:52:26,019
Native Americans, Cowboys,
Elvis Impersonators, and Blonde Women

962
00:52:26,143 --> 00:52:27,645
they are all trying to kill me.

963
00:52:27,770 --> 00:52:29,443
Any particular reason?

964
00:52:29,563 --> 00:52:30,530
They don't like me?

965
00:52:30,648 --> 00:52:32,696
We're going to let you in on
a little secret here, John.

966
00:52:33,359 --> 00:52:34,827
We don't like you either.

967
00:52:35,027 --> 00:52:36,449
See you in the morning.

968
00:52:38,697 --> 00:52:42,292
None of the settlerd liked
the real John Smith either.

969
00:52:42,951 --> 00:52:44,749
Neither did the Indians.

970
00:52:44,870 --> 00:52:47,464
But they all needed him to survive.

971
00:52:47,706 --> 00:52:49,083
They tried to kill him too.

972
00:52:49,625 --> 00:52:50,797
You stole my wallet.

973
00:52:50,959 --> 00:52:53,132
Yeah. But it had no money in it.

974
00:52:53,253 --> 00:52:54,470
What are you doing in here anyway?

975
00:52:54,588 --> 00:52:55,840
Solicitation.

976
00:52:55,964 --> 00:52:57,090
You're a prostitute?

977
00:52:57,174 --> 00:52:59,597
Yes, John. I'm a prostitute.

978
00:53:01,095 --> 00:53:02,563
So what's the deal with the mask?

979
00:53:02,721 --> 00:53:03,597
You know where it is?

980
00:53:03,722 --> 00:53:05,440
You too? How do you
know about it?

981
00:53:05,599 --> 00:53:07,272
John like to talk during sex.

982
00:53:07,518 --> 00:53:08,815
We didn't have sex.

983
00:53:09,228 --> 00:53:10,195
Not you...

984
00:53:10,729 --> 00:53:11,821
Heeyah, heeyah!

985
00:53:12,064 --> 00:53:13,737
I was doing this guy named the Cowboy.

986
00:53:13,857 --> 00:53:15,109
Giddyup, giddyup!

987
00:53:15,651 --> 00:53:17,653
The Elvises stole the Chief's mask.

988
00:53:18,654 --> 00:53:20,782
Gaw dang it Mo, I'm a little busy,
can't you see!

989
00:53:20,906 --> 00:53:22,283
They haven't reported in.

990
00:53:22,408 --> 00:53:24,285
The Rancher is asking for ya'.

991
00:53:24,702 --> 00:53:26,500
Oh hell, why didn't you say so.

992
00:53:27,121 --> 00:53:28,043
Uh.

993
00:53:29,289 --> 00:53:30,461
That's it?

994
00:53:30,666 --> 00:53:32,543
I got to go find me some Elvises.

995
00:53:34,461 --> 00:53:35,633
Pay the gal.

996
00:53:35,754 --> 00:53:38,177
Few minutes later the Sheriff's
came and arrested me.

997
00:53:38,257 --> 00:53:39,474
At least somebody came.

998
00:53:39,633 --> 00:53:41,226
You would have had a better time with me.

999
00:53:41,385 --> 00:53:43,808
I like girls, John.

1000
00:53:44,763 --> 00:53:46,140
So what happened to your face?

1001
00:53:46,265 --> 00:53:48,188
You weren't this ugly the last time I saw you.

1002
00:53:48,308 --> 00:53:49,901
There's a lot of bad people out there.

1003
00:53:50,018 --> 00:53:51,645
There's some in here too.

1004
00:53:51,854 --> 00:53:53,151
Aren't you a murderer?

1005
00:53:53,313 --> 00:53:54,280
That's funny.

1006
00:53:54,648 --> 00:53:55,649
You know they found my credit card

1007
00:53:55,733 --> 00:53:57,656
that you stole at one of the crime scenes.

1008
00:53:57,735 --> 00:53:59,112
I'll make you a deal.

1009
00:53:59,528 --> 00:54:01,530
I'll talk to the Sheriff's and get you off...

1010
00:54:01,613 --> 00:54:02,739
no pun intended...

1011
00:54:03,031 --> 00:54:05,250
If you tell me where the mask is.

1012
00:54:05,576 --> 00:54:08,125
Looks like you and I will be spending
the night together after all

1013
00:54:08,245 --> 00:54:11,169
because right now I have
no idea where that mask is.

1014
00:54:11,290 --> 00:54:13,088
You where in that Elvis contest.

1015
00:54:13,208 --> 00:54:14,710
You played poker with those guys,

1016
00:54:14,877 --> 00:54:16,174
I know you know something.

1017
00:54:16,253 --> 00:54:17,755
Goodnight my sweet love.

1018
00:54:17,921 --> 00:54:18,922
Men!

1019
00:54:42,154 --> 00:54:44,282
<i>I woke feeling not too bad.</i>

1020
00:54:44,573 --> 00:54:46,166
<i>True, I was in jail.</i>

1021
00:54:46,283 --> 00:54:48,502
<i>A whole bunch of people
were trying to kill me.</i>

1022
00:54:49,077 --> 00:54:53,002
<i>But somehow I felt today was
going to be better than yesterday.</i>

1023
00:54:53,332 --> 00:54:55,426
Rise and shine, Mr. Smith!

1024
00:54:55,542 --> 00:54:56,759
Or maybe not.

1025
00:54:57,169 --> 00:54:59,592
The girl next door, posted your bail.

1026
00:55:00,297 --> 00:55:02,095
Don't I need to be charged with something first?

1027
00:55:02,257 --> 00:55:04,385
I'd stop talking if I were you,
we're letting you out.

1028
00:55:04,510 --> 00:55:05,762
It's called a bribe.

1029
00:55:05,886 --> 00:55:08,184
Anything new you want to
tell us this morning, John'?

1030
00:55:10,098 --> 00:55:11,600
I couldn't get laid by a prostitute,

1031
00:55:11,725 --> 00:55:13,193
you know what that does to a man's ego?

1032
00:55:13,310 --> 00:55:15,859
I can tell you something new this
morning, Sheriff's.

1033
00:55:15,979 --> 00:55:17,071
I'm listening.

1034
00:55:17,731 --> 00:55:20,405
Will it get me out of here?

1035
00:55:21,610 --> 00:55:23,829
Depends on what you tell us, sugar.

1036
00:55:24,613 --> 00:55:26,957
The Chief's ancient Apache warrior mask

1037
00:55:27,074 --> 00:55:29,702
was stolen by bunch of Elvis impersonators.

1038
00:55:29,868 --> 00:55:31,461
And he knows where it is.

1039
00:55:32,412 --> 00:55:34,380
I do not!
Really?

1040
00:55:34,498 --> 00:55:35,715
Sheriff's come in.

1041
00:55:36,583 --> 00:55:38,802
Sheriff Hutchins. What
is it Deputy.

1042
00:55:42,506 --> 00:55:45,259
There is broken down car off Highway 18.

1043
00:55:45,384 --> 00:55:46,556
Uregistered.

1044
00:55:46,969 --> 00:55:48,312
No sign of the driver.

1045
00:55:51,473 --> 00:55:53,100
There's a cut water hose and a

1046
00:55:53,225 --> 00:55:54,522
bone dry radiator.

1047
00:55:54,643 --> 00:55:57,522
Who goes out into the desert without
checking their water level?

1048
00:55:57,896 --> 00:55:59,694
Anything inside the vehicle honey.

1049
00:56:02,025 --> 00:56:03,402
The only thing is a Elvis trophy.

1050
00:56:03,694 --> 00:56:04,661
<i>Say again.</i>

1051
00:56:05,028 --> 00:56:08,999
A first place Elvis Impersonation
contest trophy.

1052
00:56:09,157 --> 00:56:10,329
Pretty cool.

1053
00:56:11,702 --> 00:56:13,670
Keep me posted.
Hutchin's out.

1054
00:56:13,829 --> 00:56:14,921
Told you.

1055
00:56:15,205 --> 00:56:16,457
Let's go Mr. Smith.

1056
00:56:17,082 --> 00:56:18,504
Hey, what about me?

1057
00:56:18,667 --> 00:56:20,135
When I get back I'll let you blow me,

1058
00:56:20,294 --> 00:56:21,420
then we'll talk about it.

1059
00:56:21,545 --> 00:56:22,387
Wow...

1060
00:56:22,546 --> 00:56:25,265
you sure know how to make a
girl feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

1061
00:56:25,382 --> 00:56:26,804
Bye bye my love.

1062
00:57:02,461 --> 00:57:04,213
Thank you for getting me the hell out of there.

1063
00:57:04,338 --> 00:57:05,555
Wasn't cheap.

1064
00:57:05,672 --> 00:57:07,891
But I didn't want to have a
jailbird for an uncle.

1065
00:57:08,008 --> 00:57:09,134
What would the other kids say.

1066
00:57:09,259 --> 00:57:11,387
Mmm, thank you,

1067
00:57:11,511 --> 00:57:12,558
I owe you.

1068
00:57:12,846 --> 00:57:13,938
So what's the plan?

1069
00:57:14,014 --> 00:57:16,108
There's a plan?

1070
00:57:16,266 --> 00:57:17,518
I hope so.

1071
00:57:17,893 --> 00:57:19,861
I mean the Rancher hired the
Elvises to steal the mask.

1072
00:57:19,937 --> 00:57:21,939
And the head Elvis screwed
over the other Elvises.

1073
00:57:22,105 --> 00:57:23,778
Framed you and then took the mask for himself.

1074
00:57:23,857 --> 00:57:25,859
He's probably going to try and
sell it to the highest bidder.

1075
00:57:26,443 --> 00:57:27,911
So where do you think he is?

1076
00:57:27,912 --> 00:57:29,576
That is the million dollar question isn't it?

1077
00:57:29,696 --> 00:57:30,538
Literally.

1078
00:57:30,614 --> 00:57:31,957
You said you had an idea, though.

1079
00:57:32,074 --> 00:57:33,872
I do have an idea.
Did I?

1080
00:57:33,992 --> 00:57:35,164
Yeah, that was the last think you said to me

1081
00:57:35,285 --> 00:57:37,538
before blonde assassins
started killing midget Elvises.

1082
00:57:37,663 --> 00:57:38,915
Little person Elvises.

1083
00:57:39,081 --> 00:57:40,048
Whatever.

1084
00:57:41,166 --> 00:57:42,213
Him again.

1085
00:57:45,379 --> 00:57:47,928
Stop. Remember what
happened last time.

1086
00:57:48,048 --> 00:57:49,015
I'll take care of it.

1087
00:57:52,970 --> 00:57:54,142
Women.

1088
00:57:56,056 --> 00:57:57,649
Wise men say...

1089
00:57:57,933 --> 00:58:00,402
only fools fall in love.

1090
00:58:01,103 --> 00:58:03,401
It's not fools fall in love, it's fools rush in.

1091
00:58:03,814 --> 00:58:05,862
Oh you're going to correct me
on my Elvis lyrics now.

1092
00:58:05,983 --> 00:58:07,576
Yep Didn't she just pay you guys off?

1093
00:58:07,693 --> 00:58:08,615
Ow Hey!

1094
00:58:08,694 --> 00:58:10,822
Bribery is against the
law, Mr. Smith.

1095
00:58:10,946 --> 00:58:12,869
We call it consulting fees.

1096
00:58:13,615 --> 00:58:15,538
You know that's her boyfriend, don't you'?

1097
00:58:15,742 --> 00:58:16,789
That's her boyfriend?

1098
00:58:16,910 --> 00:58:19,163
Ex-boyfriend, thank you
very much.

1099
00:58:19,287 --> 00:58:20,539
Are we ready?

1100
00:58:22,666 --> 00:58:24,213
Where we going?

1101
00:58:24,292 --> 00:58:26,169
You're going to help us find that mask...

1102
00:58:26,503 --> 00:58:28,255
...cause I hear it's worth
a lot of money.

1103
00:58:28,380 --> 00:58:29,597
That wasn't part of the deal.

1104
00:58:29,756 --> 00:58:31,178
We're changing the deal.

1105
00:58:31,508 --> 00:58:33,055
I'm assuming you don't mind sitting in the back.

1106
00:58:33,176 --> 00:58:34,348
Do I have a choice?

1107
00:58:34,469 --> 00:58:37,188
I could get you two in a lot of trouble.

1108
00:58:37,305 --> 00:58:39,603
Ooh... Tell it to the
Sheriffs.

1109
00:58:40,684 --> 00:58:41,776
You coming?

1110
00:58:46,690 --> 00:58:48,112
Sorry Oh don't worry about it.

1111
00:58:48,233 --> 00:58:49,701
Why's your ex-boyfriend
following me?

1112
00:58:49,776 --> 00:58:51,198
He's not following you.
He's following me.

1113
00:58:51,361 --> 00:58:53,489
But the Sheriffs won't do anything about it!

1114
00:58:53,613 --> 00:58:55,456
What was he doing at the casino?

1115
00:58:55,532 --> 00:58:56,624
That was before I even met you.

1116
00:58:56,825 --> 00:58:58,122
He's got a gambling problem.

1117
00:58:58,243 --> 00:58:59,335
That's why we broke up.

1118
00:58:59,494 --> 00:59:01,417
She said she was high-classed

1119
00:59:01,538 --> 00:59:03,381
but that was just a lie.

1120
00:59:04,082 --> 00:59:05,254
See, I got that lyric correct.

1121
00:59:05,417 --> 00:59:06,634
You're a genius.

1122
00:59:07,794 --> 00:59:10,547
Where we headin' Mr. Smith.

1123
00:59:11,840 --> 00:59:13,433
We're looking for the driver of the car

1124
00:59:13,550 --> 00:59:15,598
that your Deputy found on Highway 18.

1125
00:59:15,761 --> 00:59:17,183
If he didn't die of heat stroke,

1126
00:59:17,554 --> 00:59:18,931
there's only one place he could be.

1127
00:59:49,878 --> 00:59:51,130
Be right back.

1128
01:00:13,110 --> 01:00:15,158
I think you guys better get here pretty fast.

1129
01:00:15,862 --> 01:00:17,330
There's a new player in town.

1130
01:00:27,332 --> 01:00:28,629
The angels...

1131
01:00:29,000 --> 01:00:31,219
...not half so happy in heaven,

1132
01:00:31,294 --> 01:00:33,217
went envying her and me.

1133
01:00:34,089 --> 01:00:36,808
That was the reason as all men know...

1134
01:00:36,925 --> 01:00:38,677
<i>...in this kingdom by
the sea...</i>

1135
01:00:39,177 --> 01:00:42,272
<i>...that the wind came out
of the cloud by night.</i>

1136
01:00:43,014 --> 01:00:44,482
<i>Chilling... .</i>

1137
01:00:44,683 --> 01:00:46,356
<i>And killing...</i>

1138
01:00:46,893 --> 01:00:48,645
...my Annabel Lee.

1139
01:00:49,062 --> 01:00:50,154
What?

1140
01:00:50,814 --> 01:00:51,986
Wrong answer.

1141
01:00:56,736 --> 01:00:57,908
Agh!

1142
01:01:11,877 --> 01:01:13,470
What's so funny?

1143
01:01:35,817 --> 01:01:37,694
Elvis has left the building.

1144
01:01:44,492 --> 01:01:48,167
For the moon never beams
without bringing me dreams

1145
01:01:48,288 --> 01:01:49,665
of the beautiful Annabel Lee.

1146
01:01:49,789 --> 01:01:50,790
What?

1147
01:01:50,957 --> 01:01:52,459
Nice satellite phone.

1148
01:01:53,043 --> 01:01:54,511
Cells don't work out here.

1149
01:01:54,669 --> 01:01:55,761
Interesting.

1150
01:01:55,921 --> 01:01:57,719
Did you just call the Rancher...

1151
01:01:57,881 --> 01:01:59,349
...or the Chief?

1152
01:01:59,841 --> 01:02:00,967
Both.

1153
01:02:01,218 --> 01:02:02,344
Really?

1154
01:02:02,469 --> 01:02:05,643
I work for the Rancher,
but I owe money to the Chief.

1155
01:02:05,764 --> 01:02:07,687
Playing both sides.

1156
01:02:08,099 --> 01:02:09,726
I like that.

1157
01:02:10,227 --> 01:02:12,855
Well, give them a message for me.

1158
01:02:16,733 --> 01:02:17,780
<i>See we made it.</i>

1159
01:02:17,901 --> 01:02:20,029
After how many hours of wrong turns'?

1160
01:02:20,237 --> 01:02:21,534
Next time I'm driving.

1161
01:02:21,613 --> 01:02:22,489
Like you could find a bus stop

1162
01:02:22,572 --> 01:02:24,574
in the middle of the desert any faster.

1163
01:02:25,492 --> 01:02:27,119
Don't I take you to all the best places?

1164
01:02:27,244 --> 01:02:28,712
Whatever happened to dinner and a movie?

1165
01:02:28,870 --> 01:02:29,962
Shut up.

1166
01:02:30,455 --> 01:02:33,129
Looks like the cowboy is already here.

1167
01:02:33,291 --> 01:02:35,794
Cowboy, he's the one that took a shot at us.

1168
01:02:35,961 --> 01:02:37,178
Did he hit you'?

1169
01:02:37,254 --> 01:02:37,925
No.

1170
01:02:38,046 --> 01:02:38,922
Too bad.

1171
01:02:44,177 --> 01:02:45,929
It's the Sheriffs!

1172
01:02:46,721 --> 01:02:48,689
Come on outta there boys.

1173
01:02:53,770 --> 01:02:55,113
Sheriffs.

1174
01:02:56,314 --> 01:02:57,861
What can we do for you?

1175
01:03:00,694 --> 01:03:03,243
We're here for the
mask. Mo...

1176
01:03:09,619 --> 01:03:11,496
Well ain't we all.

1177
01:03:11,871 --> 01:03:12,918
Elvis in there?

1178
01:03:13,081 --> 01:03:14,207
Elvis is dead.

1179
01:03:15,208 --> 01:03:17,631
Put down your guns and step away from the bus!

1180
01:03:19,629 --> 01:03:21,097
I told you we didn't kill the Elvises.

1181
01:03:21,172 --> 01:03:21,968
Shut up!

1182
01:03:22,257 --> 01:03:25,010
Sheriff Covley, I understand the
Rancher pays you real good.

1183
01:03:25,844 --> 01:03:27,517
So I'm going to give you a little advice.

1184
01:03:28,972 --> 01:03:30,019
You take that other sheriff there,

1185
01:03:30,140 --> 01:03:30,891
and you get in your vehicle

1186
01:03:31,057 --> 01:03:32,559
and you ride on outta here.

1187
01:03:32,684 --> 01:03:34,231
'Till I tell you It's okay to come back.

1188
01:03:34,352 --> 01:03:35,524
Yeah, about that.

1189
01:03:35,645 --> 01:03:36,737
See ahh...

1190
01:03:36,813 --> 01:03:38,781
...this mask seems to be...

1191
01:03:39,024 --> 01:03:40,401
...pretty valuable.

1192
01:03:41,109 --> 01:03:43,658
We're going to be renegotiating my contract.

1193
01:03:44,863 --> 01:03:46,285
He works for the Chief.

1194
01:03:46,406 --> 01:03:48,204
We work for whoever is willing to pay us

1195
01:03:48,325 --> 01:03:50,123
the most for that mask.

1196
01:03:50,243 --> 01:03:52,416
Think of it like there's
two new Sheriffs in town.

1197
01:03:53,413 --> 01:03:55,131
And they're even greedier than the last ones.

1198
01:03:56,041 --> 01:03:57,042
So ah...

1199
01:03:57,459 --> 01:04:00,133
...like that other Sheriff said...

1200
01:04:01,421 --> 01:04:02,923
...drop your guns...

1201
01:04:03,089 --> 01:04:04,762
...and step away from
the bus!

1202
01:04:04,883 --> 01:04:06,100
Careful Sheriff.

1203
01:04:06,301 --> 01:04:09,430
I hear he's a pretty good shot.

1204
01:04:14,309 --> 01:04:15,606
I'm also a quick draw.

1205
01:04:21,107 --> 01:04:23,485
This town wasn't big enough
for the both of them.

1206
01:04:24,402 --> 01:04:25,699
Either of them.

1207
01:04:26,488 --> 01:04:28,035
Hell any of them.

1208
01:04:31,451 --> 01:04:33,294
John Smith!

1209
01:04:33,411 --> 01:04:35,880
The Rancher gave you 24 hourd to get us the

1210
01:05:17,997 --> 01:05:21,297
Cowboys and Indians, just like the old days.

1211
01:05:24,671 --> 01:05:26,639
We both know how that turned out.

1212
01:05:26,923 --> 01:05:28,300
We need to see who's in that bus.

1213
01:05:28,425 --> 01:05:31,053
Situation's a little volatile
right now don't you think?

1214
01:05:31,136 --> 01:05:32,183
Exactly.

1215
01:05:41,813 --> 01:05:42,905
Agh!

1216
01:05:48,862 --> 01:05:50,580
Talk is cheap white man.

1217
01:05:51,406 --> 01:05:53,204
Just like the old days.

1218
01:05:54,534 --> 01:05:55,535
Agh!

1219
01:06:15,013 --> 01:06:17,061
Agh! Agh!

1220
01:06:17,265 --> 01:06:19,734
You seem to be difficult to kill
as your namesake.

1221
01:06:19,893 --> 01:06:21,895
John Smith was sentenced to death three times,

1222
01:06:22,020 --> 01:06:23,363
twice by his own people!

1223
01:06:24,898 --> 01:06:26,741
He was spared each time!

1224
01:06:28,151 --> 01:06:30,119
You think you ought to be spared?

1225
01:06:34,699 --> 01:06:36,827
Kill 'em.
Let's get the mask.

1226
01:06:41,331 --> 01:06:43,675
Wait! Wait!
No! No! Wait!

1227
01:06:43,791 --> 01:06:44,508
You can't kill him!

1228
01:06:44,709 --> 01:06:45,585
Why not?

1229
01:06:45,752 --> 01:06:47,720
Just like Pocahontas, you're
not eleven, are you?

1230
01:06:47,879 --> 01:06:50,348
Because if you want your mask,
you have to bring him...

1231
01:06:50,840 --> 01:06:52,137
...and the money.

1232
01:06:52,467 --> 01:06:54,310
Slight twist on Pocahontas.

1233
01:06:54,427 --> 01:06:55,553
She's right.

1234
01:06:56,221 --> 01:06:57,894
That's what it says on the bus.

1235
01:07:00,892 --> 01:07:02,769
You're making the right choice, Chief.

1236
01:07:02,852 --> 01:07:03,853
Thank you.

1237
01:07:05,605 --> 01:07:07,027
Where do we go then?

1238
01:07:08,024 --> 01:07:08,900
Station 12.

1239
01:07:13,029 --> 01:07:15,248
<i>Station 72 was an old west outpost...</i>

1240
01:07:15,365 --> 01:07:17,333
<i>on the border of the Chief's
reservation.</i>

1241
01:07:17,867 --> 01:07:19,744
<i>It was once Native American land,</i>

1242
01:07:19,953 --> 01:07:22,126
<i>the site of a long
forgotten skirmish...</i>

1243
01:07:22,247 --> 01:07:24,341
<i>...between the tribe
and the U. S. Cavalry.</i>

1244
01:07:24,499 --> 01:07:26,251
<i>To keep the peace...</i>

1245
01:07:26,334 --> 01:07:28,507
<i>no-one was supposed
to go the-re.</i>

1246
01:07:28,836 --> 01:07:31,965
Thanks for not killing me earlier, by the way.

1247
01:07:32,840 --> 01:07:34,888
You can thank your girl next door for that.

1248
01:07:35,677 --> 01:07:36,803
Thanks for that.

1249
01:07:37,220 --> 01:07:39,143
The Rancher also wants him dead.

1250
01:07:39,430 --> 01:07:42,104
Maybe the Rancher isn't so bad after all.

1251
01:07:42,600 --> 01:07:45,194
Being Native American,
doesn't it tug at your soul,

1252
01:07:45,311 --> 01:07:46,733
knowing everyone wants me dead?

1253
01:07:46,813 --> 01:07:47,609
Indian.

1254
01:07:47,730 --> 01:07:48,902
Excuse me?

1255
01:07:49,065 --> 01:07:50,032
I'm Indian.

1256
01:07:50,149 --> 01:07:51,742
I thought all you guys wanted
to be called Native American.

1257
01:07:51,859 --> 01:07:54,487
No, no moron.
I'm from India.

1258
01:07:55,071 --> 01:07:56,414
The Chief and his casino

1259
01:07:56,531 --> 01:07:58,204
are equal opportunity employers.

1260
01:07:58,449 --> 01:08:01,419
Not everyone is a racist white man like you.

1261
01:08:02,161 --> 01:08:03,788
I did not see that one coming.

1262
01:08:04,497 --> 01:08:06,841
Well, we're here.

1263
01:08:23,600 --> 01:08:25,773
Glad you boys could all make it.

1264
01:08:28,062 --> 01:08:30,531
Bet you never thought you'd be back here, Chief.

1265
01:08:32,650 --> 01:08:34,652
I could kill him right now.

1266
01:08:34,777 --> 01:08:36,620
And end this war once and for all.

1267
01:08:36,988 --> 01:08:38,365
I wouldn't advise that If I were you.

1268
01:08:38,489 --> 01:08:40,082
I'm a pretty good shot.

1269
01:08:41,117 --> 01:08:42,494
So was the Cowboy.

1270
01:08:46,706 --> 01:08:48,333
You're outnumbered Rancher.

1271
01:08:49,917 --> 01:08:51,635
Not exactly.

1272
01:08:53,504 --> 01:08:54,596
Where'd that come from?

1273
01:08:54,714 --> 01:08:55,510
Took it from the Sheriff.

1274
01:08:57,592 --> 01:08:58,718
Just like the Indian did.

1275
01:08:58,843 --> 01:08:59,890
Which Indian?

1276
01:09:01,012 --> 01:09:02,229
The one from India.

1277
01:09:04,432 --> 01:09:05,684
You don't have to do this.

1278
01:09:05,808 --> 01:09:06,900
Everything's going to be fine.

1279
01:09:07,143 --> 01:09:08,110
I know it is.

1280
01:09:08,561 --> 01:09:10,529
You just need to choose which
side you're on, Uncle.

1281
01:09:10,647 --> 01:09:13,491
Pocahontas would never shoot
her father, Chief Powhatan.

1282
01:09:13,608 --> 01:09:15,155
The Chief isn't my father.

1283
01:09:16,611 --> 01:09:17,954
The Rancher is.

1284
01:09:18,780 --> 01:09:20,282
That's my girl.

1285
01:09:21,908 --> 01:09:25,128
No, no, no.
You're just the girl next door.

1286
01:09:25,244 --> 01:09:26,336
You don't even live there.

1287
01:09:26,496 --> 01:09:27,713
I don't live there either.

1288
01:09:28,164 --> 01:09:31,134
So your ex-boyfriend was
really following me around hey?

1289
01:09:31,250 --> 01:09:32,046
Of course he was.

1290
01:09:35,922 --> 01:09:37,424
How do you think I knew
you were in that apartment?

1291
01:09:37,548 --> 01:09:39,767
And neither the angels in heaven above...

1292
01:09:39,884 --> 01:09:41,852
...nor the demons
down under the sea...

1293
01:09:42,053 --> 01:09:44,431
...can ever dissever my
soul from the soul...

1294
01:09:44,639 --> 01:09:47,438
...of the beautiful
Annabel Lee.

1295
01:09:48,017 --> 01:09:50,566
Now everyone drop the guns.

1296
01:09:50,687 --> 01:09:52,860
Or no one gets anything.

1297
01:09:54,941 --> 01:09:56,659
You can all kill each other later.

1298
01:10:17,714 --> 01:10:20,388
Good. Now I assume you
both brought the money.

1299
01:10:24,512 --> 01:10:26,014
One million dollars.

1300
01:10:28,891 --> 01:10:30,313
One million dollars.

1301
01:10:30,727 --> 01:10:32,821
How do we know you have what you say you have?

1302
01:10:32,937 --> 01:10:34,314
I have it.

1303
01:10:34,480 --> 01:10:36,198
So who are you going to sell it to?

1304
01:10:36,357 --> 01:10:39,327
Send John Smith in here with all the money...

1305
01:10:40,027 --> 01:10:42,325
...and then we'll see what
side wants it the most.

1306
01:10:47,577 --> 01:10:48,794
I got a better idea.

1307
01:12:08,157 --> 01:12:09,750
As I was saying...

1308
01:12:10,076 --> 01:12:11,749
Give John Smith the money...

1309
01:12:12,203 --> 01:12:14,001
...and I will give him the mask.

1310
01:12:15,706 --> 01:12:17,174
The rest of you...

1311
01:12:17,291 --> 01:12:19,089
...don't bother getting up.

1312
01:12:43,150 --> 01:12:45,528
Head on my wall.

1313
01:12:46,404 --> 01:12:47,621
I'm sorry, John.

1314
01:12:49,991 --> 01:12:51,288
Me too.

1315
01:12:54,120 --> 01:12:55,622
Why him?

1316
01:12:57,081 --> 01:13:00,551
Captain John Smith was friend
and foe of Native Americans

1317
01:13:00,668 --> 01:13:02,341
and White Men alike.

1318
01:13:02,753 --> 01:13:04,721
Sentenced to death by both.

1319
01:13:05,006 --> 01:13:06,724
Killed by neither.

1320
01:13:07,466 --> 01:13:08,934
I thought would be poetic.

1321
01:13:09,218 --> 01:13:10,561
Are you serious?

1322
01:13:11,554 --> 01:13:12,476
No.

1323
01:13:44,462 --> 01:13:46,590
You never dressed like
this when we were together.

1324
01:13:46,714 --> 01:13:48,432
You never turned me on enough.

1325
01:13:48,549 --> 01:13:49,721
Ouch.

1326
01:13:54,055 --> 01:13:55,307
Hello, Annabel.

1327
01:13:55,932 --> 01:13:57,400
Hello, Lee.

1328
01:14:06,567 --> 01:14:08,160
I thought you weren't
interested in any of this stuff.

1329
01:14:08,319 --> 01:14:10,242
Especially being in love with
your doctor and all.

1330
01:14:10,404 --> 01:14:12,748
Well this is a lot of money.

1331
01:14:13,240 --> 01:14:14,913
And she isn't a doctor.

1332
01:14:15,242 --> 01:14:17,620
<i>She?
</i>

1333
01:14:18,663 --> 01:14:21,086
Everything that Elvis has is in that bag.

1334
01:14:30,174 --> 01:14:32,097
You once said that ah...

1335
01:14:32,802 --> 01:14:35,521
...history would be written
without me in it.

1336
01:14:35,888 --> 01:14:37,185
And I was right.

1337
01:14:37,306 --> 01:14:39,434
Still, you could have told me you were coming.

1338
01:14:39,725 --> 01:14:41,773
But what fun would that have been'?

1339
01:14:41,894 --> 01:14:44,113
You know how I feel about guns.

1340
01:14:45,606 --> 01:14:46,903
Suit yourself.

1341
01:14:48,150 --> 01:14:49,777
What are you going to tell them?

1342
01:14:50,736 --> 01:14:52,033
Nevermore...

1343
01:15:14,552 --> 01:15:15,895
What are you waiting for?

1344
01:15:16,012 --> 01:15:17,013
Nothing...

1345
01:15:17,138 --> 01:15:19,812
...just enjoying seeing all
you guys down in the dirt.

1346
01:15:19,932 --> 01:15:22,185
I am going to kill you.

1347
01:15:22,476 --> 01:15:23,853
Not If I kill him first.

1348
01:15:24,020 --> 01:15:25,693
I've been dead before.

1349
01:15:26,022 --> 01:15:27,820
<i>30 years ago, Chief</i>

1350
01:15:27,940 --> 01:15:31,069
Your men killed my entire family, right here.

1351
01:15:31,193 --> 01:15:32,319
<i>The Rancher had sent them</i>

1352
01:15:32,445 --> 01:15:34,618
<i>to a place no one
was supposed to go.</i>

1353
01:15:34,905 --> 01:15:37,829
<i>The burial ground of a battle your
tribe had with the U. S. Cavalry.</i>

1354
01:15:38,743 --> 01:15:40,245
<i>Just like the Rancher guessed ..</i>

1355
01:15:40,619 --> 01:15:43,418
<i>...my family found the warrior mask.</i>

1356
01:15:43,622 --> 01:15:46,125
<i>And also just like the
rancher guessed.</i>

1357
01:15:46,250 --> 01:15:48,298
<i>The Chief ordered them killed
for breaking the peace</i>

1358
01:15:48,419 --> 01:15:50,217
<i>and desecrating the ground.</i>

1359
01:15:50,421 --> 01:15:53,049
My family had no idea where they'd been sent.

1360
01:15:53,257 --> 01:15:55,976
Or that they were pawns
in a centuries old fight.

1361
01:15:56,052 --> 01:15:58,054
You couldn't have been part of that family.

1362
01:15:58,679 --> 01:16:00,181
The Indians killed all of them.

1363
01:16:00,431 --> 01:16:02,854
The Native Americans killed them all.

1364
01:16:04,101 --> 01:16:05,774
Except for a little boy.

1365
01:16:06,896 --> 01:16:09,115
<i>Boy who had been saved
by another Native American.</i>

1366
01:16:09,231 --> 01:16:11,575
<i>My Farher's Hopi guide.</i>

1367
01:16:13,986 --> 01:16:16,489
Go to the highway wait for me there.

1368
01:16:20,951 --> 01:16:25,047
They were just student archaeologists...

1369
01:16:25,164 --> 01:16:28,759
...they had no idea they were
doing your dirty work for you.

1370
01:16:53,317 --> 01:16:54,364
That's my ride.

1371
01:16:54,735 --> 01:16:55,736
I gotta go.

1372
01:16:59,698 --> 01:17:00,870
Who is that?

1373
01:17:04,537 --> 01:17:05,504
Her!

1374
01:17:05,704 --> 01:17:08,127
We'll leave you a present at the car.

1375
01:17:11,836 --> 01:17:13,008
Nice.

1376
01:17:23,264 --> 01:17:24,641
Where's my mask?

1377
01:17:26,267 --> 01:17:27,519
Your mask, Chief?

1378
01:17:27,643 --> 01:17:29,361
Elvis destroyed it.

1379
01:17:33,107 --> 01:17:33,858
What?

1380
01:17:41,949 --> 01:17:44,327
The mask is gone.

1381
01:17:47,413 --> 01:17:50,542
I threw it off a cliff.

1382
01:18:05,181 --> 01:18:05,932
<i>I guess he thought that if he</i>

1383
01:18:06,015 --> 01:18:07,358
<i>wasn't going to
get paid for it.</i>

1384
01:18:07,516 --> 01:18:08,733
No one should.

1385
01:18:08,976 --> 01:18:10,819
But don't feel too bad Chief.

1386
01:18:12,980 --> 01:18:14,482
Then Rancher's covering this one.

1387
01:18:16,442 --> 01:18:18,160
The greedy white man screwed over...

1388
01:18:18,319 --> 01:18:20,572
...your Tribe for a
long time Chief.

1389
01:18:20,654 --> 01:18:21,621
For the last 30 years

1390
01:18:21,739 --> 01:18:23,707
you've been able to do a little screwing back.

1391
01:18:24,950 --> 01:18:26,122
You're just going to have to do it now...

1392
01:18:26,243 --> 01:18:28,245
...without an ancient
Apache Warrior mask.

1393
01:18:29,747 --> 01:18:32,000
And I'm taking the other briefcase,

1394
01:18:32,750 --> 01:18:34,673
...for what happened to
my family.

1395
01:18:37,630 --> 01:18:38,882
This ain't over.

1396
01:18:42,343 --> 01:18:43,265
Be nice.

1397
01:18:43,344 --> 01:18:45,722
I'd hate to have to come back here.

1398
01:19:03,322 --> 01:19:04,790
What's so funny, Chief?

1399
01:19:05,032 --> 01:19:06,158
Greed.

1400
01:19:19,338 --> 01:19:21,090
What about the money?

1401
01:19:21,548 --> 01:19:23,516
And John Smith, Chief?

1402
01:19:24,802 --> 01:19:26,520
There's still a million dollars in that house.

1403
01:19:50,744 --> 01:19:52,417
<i>So really, it was the white man</i>

1404
01:19:52,538 --> 01:19:54,540
<i>versus the white men
versus the Indians.</i>

1405
01:19:54,665 --> 01:19:56,542
<i>versus the Indians.</i>

1406
01:19:57,751 --> 01:20:00,880
<i>The Elvises were there at
the casino to steal the mask.</i>

1407
01:20:01,171 --> 01:20:03,219
<i>Given the Chief's love
for the King...</i>

1408
01:20:03,340 --> 01:20:05,138
<i>...they had even been
given a private room...</i>

1409
01:20:05,259 --> 01:20:07,478
<i>...right down the hall
from the Chief's office.</i>

1410
01:20:07,678 --> 01:20:09,351
That casino is a fortress.

1411
01:20:10,723 --> 01:20:11,975
Only Apache warriors

1412
01:20:12,099 --> 01:20:14,022
and Elvis impersonators are allowed

1413
01:20:14,143 --> 01:20:15,565
in the Chief's Inner sanctum.

1414
01:20:15,686 --> 01:20:17,063
I got to use the little boy's room.

1415
01:20:17,855 --> 01:20:19,949
<i>So after doing some hard core losing.</i>

1416
01:20:20,149 --> 01:20:21,492
<i>I excused myself.</i>

1417
01:20:22,860 --> 01:20:25,283
<i>And took care of
business.</i>

1418
01:20:53,057 --> 01:20:54,354
Where the hell is it?

1419
01:20:57,728 --> 01:20:59,776
Looks like we've been set up boys.

1420
01:21:01,732 --> 01:21:03,359
Every man for himself.

1421
01:21:17,289 --> 01:21:19,337
<i>But only an Elvis
contest winner...</i>

1422
01:21:19,458 --> 01:21:22,553
<i>could walk out of that casino unscathed</i>

1423
01:21:30,260 --> 01:21:31,386
Hi.

1424
01:21:31,512 --> 01:21:32,855
Sorry son.

1425
01:21:33,263 --> 01:21:35,891
There can only be one king.

1426
01:21:40,771 --> 01:21:41,647
<i>And that King...</i>

1427
01:21:41,772 --> 01:21:43,445
<i>put me in my place</i>

1428
01:21:44,525 --> 01:21:45,572
Crap.

1429
01:21:48,529 --> 01:21:50,907
<i>Now if you're going to call in all bet.</i>

1430
01:21:51,031 --> 01:21:54,331
<i>You better make sure you 're
holding all the cards-</i>

1431
01:22:13,137 --> 01:22:16,983
<i>And of course, Elvis-Elvis
didn't destroy the mask.</i>

1432
01:22:26,692 --> 01:22:29,161
<i>I can't believe they
fell for that.</i>

1433
01:22:32,990 --> 01:22:34,617
<i>Well, actually I can.</i>

1434
01:22:34,825 --> 01:22:36,452
<i>My ex, Annabel...</i>

1435
01:22:36,577 --> 01:22:38,079
<i>can be a pretty good liar.</i>

1436
01:22:43,250 --> 01:22:46,754
<i>Elvis has left the building.</i>

1437
01:22:55,971 --> 01:22:57,564
<i>She left me for a doctor?</i>

1438
01:22:58,432 --> 01:23:01,857
<i>Yeah, by doctor you
mean lesbian prostitute.</i>

1439
01:23:08,108 --> 01:23:11,954
<i>And they both always
had my best interests in mind.</i>

1440
01:23:16,742 --> 01:23:18,244
: John Smith.

1441
01:23:20,162 --> 01:23:24,508
<i>But luckily I made sure
and stacked the deck...</i>

1442
01:23:24,625 --> 01:23:27,219
...in my favor, before I ever
walked into that casino.

1443
01:23:51,818 --> 01:23:54,241
<i>But Annabel did leave
me a present.</i>

1444
01:23:57,783 --> 01:24:00,286
<i>The Rancher was right
about one thing.</i>

1445
01:24:00,452 --> 01:24:03,501
<i>It wasn't an ancient Apache
warrior mask that was stoten...</i>

1446
01:24:03,622 --> 01:24:06,501
<i>...It was an ancient Hopi
warrior mask.</i>

1447
01:24:06,625 --> 01:24:08,627
<i>And it was the Hopi that should
get it back.</i>

1448
01:24:13,882 --> 01:24:15,850
<i>But being a greedy
White man...</i>

1449
01:24:17,469 --> 01:24:19,642
<i>...I did take the
Chief's treasure...</i>

1450
01:24:20,055 --> 01:24:21,352
<i>and his money.</i>

1451
01:24:22,808 --> 01:24:24,981
<i>Just like the real John Smith.</i>

1452
01:24:25,102 --> 01:24:28,322
<i>Of course, I wasn't
John Smith at all.</i>

1453
01:24:29,356 --> 01:24:31,358
<i>That random guy was.</i>

1454
01:24:44,913 --> 01:24:47,917
Huh. John Smith.

1455
01:24:48,083 --> 01:24:50,757
Well that's a good name for
an Indian Reservation.

1456
01:24:52,045 --> 01:24:54,423
<i>Yup. I was just an impersonator.</i>

1457
01:24:56,008 --> 01:24:57,510
<i>A really good one.</i>

1458
01:25:00,637 --> 01:25:02,639
<i>Not a bad Elvis either.</i>