1
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:26,747
This is the story of my brave,
foolish friend, Harry Deane.

2
00:03:26,831 --> 00:03:29,917
Mr. Deane's work
as an art curator in London

3
00:03:30,001 --> 00:03:33,378
had gone, he felt,
largely unappreciated.

4
00:03:33,463 --> 00:03:37,382
He told me of countless insults
suffered at the hands of his employer,

5
00:03:37,467 --> 00:03:42,387
Lionel Shabandar,
media tycoon, art collector

6
00:03:42,472 --> 00:03:45,057
and an absolute brute of a fellow.

7
00:03:45,141 --> 00:03:48,143
Do not touch my person. You!

8
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,520
- Yes, my lord?
- Idiot! Give me your boot.

9
00:03:51,439 --> 00:03:55,067
40 years ago,
I'd have called this Shabandar a cad.

10
00:03:55,151 --> 00:03:57,778
Now the prevailing parlance
for a fellow of this type

11
00:03:57,904 --> 00:04:01,490
is, I believe, shitbag.

12
00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:02,616
Hello.

13
00:04:02,700 --> 00:04:04,743
This bloody thing is not operational.

14
00:04:04,827 --> 00:04:07,663
Ah, well, that's because,
I believe, my lord...

15
00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:11,083
Because you believe what,
you steaming turd?

16
00:04:11,209 --> 00:04:14,586
Now he would have his revenge,

17
00:04:14,671 --> 00:04:17,214
for Mr. Deane had a plan.

18
00:04:17,298 --> 00:04:19,841
To be grandiose, a heist.

19
00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:22,719
To be accurate, a bit of a thieving.

20
00:04:22,804 --> 00:04:24,888
This is where I came in.

21
00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:30,352
I am, you see,
a rather capable forger of fine art.

22
00:04:30,478 --> 00:04:34,606
I was pleased my little hobby
might prove of use to him.

23
00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:40,195
The plan relied on securing the aid
of one PJ Puznowski.

24
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:44,366
"Find this Puznowski," Mr. Deane told me,

25
00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:47,911
and it would all fall nicely into place.

26
00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:52,499
Excuse me.
We were given to understand

27
00:04:52,583 --> 00:04:55,210
that there was an equestrian tourney
in the area.

28
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:58,213
Well, we got a law attorney,

29
00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:01,550
don't know his religion,
up downtown Alpine.

30
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:04,511
He's a fairy.

31
00:05:04,637 --> 00:05:06,430
Moved here from Albuquerque,

32
00:05:06,514 --> 00:05:09,516
it'll be five, no,
six years ago, come May.

33
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:12,352
Not that I judge.

34
00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:16,064
How terribly interesting, but is there
a tournament of some description

35
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:18,025
with various rowdy goings-on?

36
00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:21,153
Rough-riding,
bronc-busting sort of thing.

37
00:05:21,237 --> 00:05:25,699
It's a competition.
A test of skill involving farm animals.

38
00:05:25,783 --> 00:05:28,160
Yippee-ai-yay.

39
00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:31,163
Alright, Pecos!

40
00:05:31,247 --> 00:05:36,251
This is the West of the Pecos Rodeo,
featuring America's number-one team,

41
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:41,048
Team Ghostrider with Tim Lepard
and his cowboy monkeys.

42
00:05:43,509 --> 00:05:45,635
Go on, Suzie! Go get 'em!

43
00:05:49,098 --> 00:05:52,768
And it's brought to you by Charlie
Goodnight and all those good people

44
00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:55,896
down at Charlie Goodnight's
Implements 'n' Feed.

45
00:06:05,406 --> 00:06:07,866
Let's put some hands together
for the monkeys!

46
00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:15,457
And first out of the chute
is PJ Puznowski from down Terlingua way.

47
00:06:15,541 --> 00:06:16,750
- Gonna try to quick...
- There.

48
00:06:16,834 --> 00:06:21,963
Gonna try to put a rope around Rodney
from the Lazy L Sickle Y Bar Ranch.

49
00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:25,258
And, folks,
Rodney ain't gonna be heppin' any.

50
00:06:35,561 --> 00:06:39,856
That's 11.7 for PJ Puznowski!

51
00:06:40,566 --> 00:06:43,402
- That's her.
- Alright, Jammies!

52
00:06:48,783 --> 00:06:51,034
<i>♪ If you wanna go ♪</i>

53
00:06:52,453 --> 00:06:53,578
<i>♪ Let's go rodeo ♪</i>

54
00:06:54,038 --> 00:06:56,790
<i>♪ If you wanna rock ♪</i>

55
00:06:56,874 --> 00:06:59,668
What makes you so certain
she'll be game?

56
00:06:59,794 --> 00:07:03,255
Good God knows, she works in a poultry
processing plant for minimum wage.

57
00:07:03,339 --> 00:07:06,842
- You think she'll turn this down?
- How much are you going to tell her?

58
00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:09,428
Just as much as she needs to know.

59
00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:16,476
That's nice.

60
00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:32,617
This is Major Nigel Nelson-Wingate,
King's African Rifles, retired.

61
00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:34,661
- Sunday painter.
- Madam.

62
00:07:41,210 --> 00:07:44,254
Now, the simple question is,

63
00:07:44,338 --> 00:07:48,884
how would you like to make
half a million pounds sterling?

64
00:07:49,844 --> 00:07:52,012
I have a little plan.

65
00:07:58,478 --> 00:07:59,561
Straight?

66
00:08:12,116 --> 00:08:14,326
- Have a good day, sir.
- Shut up.

67
00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:31,176
- Sorry, sir.
- Bloody hell, man, be careful!

68
00:08:31,260 --> 00:08:33,053
Shabandar Media.

69
00:08:33,137 --> 00:08:37,307
Sir, I wonder if you might approve this last
photo layout for the Horse and Hunt.

70
00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:44,022
Is there a problem, sir?

71
00:08:44,815 --> 00:08:47,317
Slazenger, give me a loupe.

72
00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:56,785
Haystacks, Dusk.

73
00:08:58,162 --> 00:08:59,496
Get me Harry Deane.

74
00:09:04,752 --> 00:09:06,836
Old man just called me up.

75
00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:09,297
Yes, he's expecting you.

76
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:12,551
- No, no, no.
- Oh, I am sorry, sir.

77
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:17,305
What? Come in.
Have them proof it quick as possible.

78
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:21,017
We'll try and get it into next month's.
Deane, sit down.

79
00:09:21,852 --> 00:09:25,397
Have a look at these.

80
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,733
I've sent the plane
to collect this woman.

81
00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:31,653
Arrives at Heathrow in about an hour.
You'll gonna pick her up.

82
00:09:31,737 --> 00:09:33,989
Interesting. Oh, I see, the painting.

83
00:09:34,073 --> 00:09:37,909
- A reproduction, though so, in my opinion.
- Bloody hell. Based on what?

84
00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:41,538
Based on the fact that it's hanging
on the wall of a caravan, sir, in Texas.

85
00:09:41,622 --> 00:09:46,751
Yes, precisely.
But whose caravan, you plank?

86
00:09:48,170 --> 00:09:52,090
- The cowgirl, sir.
- Puznowski, Deane.

87
00:09:52,174 --> 00:09:56,595
PJ Puznowski. Think, man.

88
00:09:57,138 --> 00:09:59,222
You stupid bastard, what!

89
00:10:14,739 --> 00:10:16,615
Welcome to London.

90
00:10:16,699 --> 00:10:19,367
Before we throw you
into the thick of it,

91
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,620
I should give you a bit
of the history.

92
00:10:21,746 --> 00:10:23,872
Monet's Haystacks.

93
00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:29,169
On September 15th, 1891, during
the course of one very productive day,

94
00:10:29,253 --> 00:10:31,087
the master impressionist

95
00:10:31,172 --> 00:10:33,548
finished two oil paintings:

96
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:36,676
"Haystacks, Dawn",
"Haystacks, Dusk".

97
00:10:36,761 --> 00:10:40,221
"Haystacks, Dawn" was traded
amongst various private collectors

98
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:41,556
over the years.

99
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:45,018
"Haystacks, Dusk" was put on display
in Paris at the Jeu de Paume.

100
00:10:45,102 --> 00:10:48,271
That is,
until the Nazi occupation of 1941.

101
00:10:51,359 --> 00:10:53,943
"Haystacks, Dusk"
was carted off to Carinhall,

102
00:10:54,070 --> 00:10:57,113
the private residence
of Air Marshal Hermann Göring,

103
00:10:57,198 --> 00:11:01,076
for the delectation of his eyes only.

104
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:05,372
In 1945, Carinhall is overrun
by the first division of Patton's army,

105
00:11:05,456 --> 00:11:07,207
the Big Red One.

106
00:11:07,958 --> 00:11:14,172
The point platoon is led
by Sergeant Brian "Bulldog" Puznowski,

107
00:11:14,256 --> 00:11:16,633
the Killer of Kilgore, Texas.

108
00:11:16,717 --> 00:11:18,176
Your grandfather.

109
00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:21,888
For the next 67 years,
the whereabouts of Haystacks, Dusk

110
00:11:21,972 --> 00:11:25,350
has proved one of the art world's
most tantalising mysteries.

111
00:11:25,434 --> 00:11:27,185
And what is all this to Shabandar?

112
00:11:27,269 --> 00:11:30,188
A man of outsized appetites
and enormous enthusiasms,

113
00:11:30,272 --> 00:11:33,942
and no few eccentricities;
is an avid nudist, a case in point.

114
00:11:34,068 --> 00:11:37,654
Owing to his considerable fortune
and my not inconsiderable knowledge,

115
00:11:37,738 --> 00:11:40,115
he has now assembled
the most important collection

116
00:11:40,199 --> 00:11:42,742
of impressionist masterpieces
currently in private hands.

117
00:11:42,827 --> 00:11:45,412
The prize? Haystacks, Dawn.

118
00:11:46,747 --> 00:11:49,624
Acquired at auction 20 years ago
in spirited bidding.

119
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:53,628
The bid is with the gentleman
on the aisle. The bid is £8 million.

120
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:56,548
- Good heavens.
- I have eight and a quarter.

121
00:11:56,632 --> 00:11:59,217
The bid is with the gentleman
on my left.

122
00:12:00,094 --> 00:12:04,472
The bid is against you, sir. The bid
is eight and a quarter million pounds.

123
00:12:04,598 --> 00:12:07,809
Shabandar rolled
all his competitive impulses into a ball

124
00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:11,271
and outbid his great rival,
Akira Takagawa.

125
00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:15,567
He purchased the painting
for £11 million.

126
00:12:20,531 --> 00:12:23,908
His ownership of the one has merely
whet his appetite for the other.

127
00:12:23,993 --> 00:12:26,911
For years now, Shabandar
has been seeking Haystacks, Dusk

128
00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:29,122
with a passion
bordering on monomania.

129
00:12:29,206 --> 00:12:30,665
When he saw that photograph,

130
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:34,753
Shabandar conducted his own
investigation into your family history.

131
00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:37,714
Best to let the fish
work the hook in himself, eh, Major?

132
00:12:37,798 --> 00:12:39,716
Much the best, Mr. Deane.

133
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:42,218
He will want to negotiate
the price with you.

134
00:12:42,303 --> 00:12:45,180
You must stick at 12 million.

135
00:12:45,264 --> 00:12:47,140
Pounds.

136
00:12:47,224 --> 00:12:51,311
He'll pay it,
no matter how much he protests.

137
00:12:53,230 --> 00:12:56,983
Be firm. Be polite, but firm.

138
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:03,031
He will try to charm you.
He will try to impress you.

139
00:13:03,157 --> 00:13:05,533
- Ms. Puznowski!
- He will try to...

140
00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:07,869
An honour! Welcome, welcome.

141
00:13:07,953 --> 00:13:10,413
Painting in the gallery, men.

142
00:13:10,498 --> 00:13:13,583
I knew a Koznowski once,
charming man, no relation I suppose.

143
00:13:13,667 --> 00:13:17,921
Baron Koznowski. Quite the equestrian.
Man had horse blood in his veins.

144
00:13:18,839 --> 00:13:20,632
This way, please.

145
00:13:20,716 --> 00:13:23,593
Right, let's take a look, shall we?

146
00:13:23,677 --> 00:13:25,720
Mere formality, of course.

147
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:27,889
Oh, yes.

148
00:13:29,433 --> 00:13:31,434
So...

149
00:13:35,272 --> 00:13:37,440
What do you think, Deane?

150
00:13:37,525 --> 00:13:41,736
- Yes, I'll need a few moments, sir.
- Oh, yes. Quite.

151
00:13:43,906 --> 00:13:46,324
You may not realise it,
Ms. Puznowski,

152
00:13:46,450 --> 00:13:49,661
but Harry Deane knows Monet
like I know...

153
00:13:51,622 --> 00:13:54,040
Actually, I don't know anything
quite like that.

154
00:13:54,124 --> 00:13:57,919
The artist has used a light ground
true to Monet's habit.

155
00:13:58,003 --> 00:14:01,840
The palette is very limited,
no blacks or browns.

156
00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:06,052
Cerulean blue and cadmium yellow
to achieve his broken colour.

157
00:14:06,136 --> 00:14:10,139
And unlike the heartbreaking fraud
perpetrated on the Austrians,

158
00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:12,141
the signature is correct.

159
00:14:14,228 --> 00:14:18,815
It is Monet and it is very fine indeed.

160
00:14:18,899 --> 00:14:21,818
And that, Mr. Deane,
is good enough for me.

161
00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:25,864
Shall we discuss terms?

162
00:14:38,752 --> 00:14:40,712
System armed.

163
00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:45,383
System armed.

164
00:15:05,486 --> 00:15:07,322
Hello, kitty.

165
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:11,868
Your wages.

166
00:15:11,994 --> 00:15:15,997
£500,000 and your ticket home.
First class, of course.

167
00:15:16,081 --> 00:15:19,876
No, no, no. No, no, no.
Please, do not thank us.

168
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:23,588
It is the Major and I who should be
thanking you for the self-possession,

169
00:15:23,672 --> 00:15:27,842
the good humour and the élan with which
you played your small but vital part.

170
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:31,054
- Eh, Major?
- Hear, hear, sir. Jolly well played.

171
00:15:31,138 --> 00:15:34,599
We should be arriving
at Heathrow in mere minutes.

172
00:15:34,683 --> 00:15:35,767
Mr. Deane.

173
00:15:37,102 --> 00:15:40,563
Mr. Deane? Mr. Deane.

174
00:15:42,191 --> 00:15:44,525
Shouldn't have to tell her
any more than that.

175
00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:48,071
Quite right.
But you will have to talk to her.

176
00:15:52,868 --> 00:15:54,869
Hmm.

177
00:15:56,997 --> 00:15:58,998
Back in a flash.

178
00:16:00,876 --> 00:16:06,547
Mr. Deane, for all his talents,
was given to one particular flaw.

179
00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:09,759
He saw the world
as he wished to see it.

180
00:16:09,843 --> 00:16:15,264
But, as we know, an optimist is simply
a man who hasn't heard the news.

181
00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:18,142
As my time in the African Rifles
had taught me,

182
00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:22,313
one ignored the elephant in the room
at one's peril.

183
00:16:22,398 --> 00:16:26,025
Half a million pounds sterling.
Half a million...

184
00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:28,820
- Hello.
- I believe the lady said get lost.

185
00:16:33,617 --> 00:16:35,410
I'll take the chunky one!

186
00:16:35,494 --> 00:16:38,371
Gonna open a can of whup-ass
on you now.

187
00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:43,668
Major, for heaven's sake,
just be gentle.

188
00:16:43,752 --> 00:16:45,920
- I'm trying to get...
- No, that's enough.

189
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:49,590
- Those people are barbarians.
- Other countries, other customs.

190
00:16:49,717 --> 00:16:53,344
- How are we going to meet this woman?
- I remember one terrible night in Botswana...

191
00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:55,805
She's surrounded
by a Cro-Magnon Swiss Guard.

192
00:16:55,889 --> 00:16:59,684
This wasn't the plan, Major.
How are we going to get back on plan?

193
00:16:59,768 --> 00:17:02,603
You boys OK, huh?

194
00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:04,814
Faces still on rightways round?

195
00:17:06,066 --> 00:17:09,027
Yes, thank you.
All present and correct.

196
00:17:09,111 --> 00:17:12,530
I do apologise on Merle.
He just loves a brawl.

197
00:17:12,614 --> 00:17:15,533
Nose been broke so many times,
2 years ago, he had the cartilage taken out

198
00:17:15,617 --> 00:17:18,077
so there wouldn't be so much downtime
between bar fights.

199
00:17:18,203 --> 00:17:22,415
An expedient we might consider
if we spend much more time in Texas.

200
00:17:23,584 --> 00:17:26,335
Heigh ho, friend.
I wouldn't recommend it.

201
00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:30,089
Ms. Puznowski may I draw your attention to the matter
which brought us here to meet you?

202
00:17:31,675 --> 00:17:33,301
Sure.

203
00:17:33,385 --> 00:17:38,389
So you're saying
that's like $800,000 American? Wow!

204
00:17:38,474 --> 00:17:40,683
Of course, we don't have the money yet.

205
00:17:40,768 --> 00:17:44,353
- But it's gonna work out, right?
- Absolutely as long as we stay on plan.

206
00:17:44,438 --> 00:17:47,774
Sounds like you really wanna
stick it to this guy. Here we are.

207
00:17:49,151 --> 00:17:52,236
Inside is a man who weighs half a ton.

208
00:17:52,362 --> 00:17:56,115
Michael was fork-lifted onto a stretcher
for transporting killer whales.

209
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,993
Shame! Shame!

210
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:02,080
Hey, Grandma! Alright, well, here it is.
Take your pick.

211
00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:04,999
- Plenty of walls to choose from.
- Good morning.

212
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:07,168
Too fat!

213
00:18:09,379 --> 00:18:13,049
Major, if you'd like to set
your camera up over there.

214
00:18:13,675 --> 00:18:16,552
Perhaps if your grandmother
would move over for a moment.

215
00:18:16,637 --> 00:18:22,058
Grandma Merle, these nice people
wanna take a picture here in the house.

216
00:18:22,142 --> 00:18:24,268
Is everyone in this state named Merle?

217
00:18:24,394 --> 00:18:27,522
- There you go.
- Good God. Is she unwell?

218
00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:30,108
Oh, no, she's fine.
Grandma Merle just chews.

219
00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:33,986
Ms. Puznowski, could you slide
a little closer to your grandmother?

220
00:18:36,990 --> 00:18:39,534
Ready, ladies? Say cheese.

221
00:18:41,829 --> 00:18:45,665
Hard facts,
honest reporting. Shabandar.

222
00:18:45,749 --> 00:18:48,417
His door is rather firmly shut
at the moment.

223
00:18:48,502 --> 00:18:51,754
- Would you care to wait?
- Yes, thank you, I'll wait.

224
00:18:56,593 --> 00:19:00,847
Lionel Shabandar
explains his formula for success

225
00:19:00,931 --> 00:19:04,183
in his startling
new autobiography, "Me".

226
00:19:08,021 --> 00:19:12,483
Welcome to the jungle.
We're here to help you cut through...

227
00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:14,569
Huh!

228
00:19:16,363 --> 00:19:18,573
Shabandar Media. Creating...

229
00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:35,214
Go right in, Mr. Deane.

230
00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:39,427
- Your lordship...
- Yes, Deane?

231
00:19:42,973 --> 00:19:45,516
That's a very nice suit, sir.

232
00:19:45,601 --> 00:19:47,852
- What?
- Nothing.

233
00:19:48,937 --> 00:19:52,607
Thus it to say I was leafing through the advance
on the Horse and Hunt the other day.

234
00:19:52,691 --> 00:19:55,776
- The layout pages.
- Why on earth were you doing that?

235
00:19:56,945 --> 00:20:00,656
Well, as a matter of fact, it's...
Well, why be coy?

236
00:20:00,741 --> 00:20:04,785
It's a simple explanation,
so simple, in fact, that I...

237
00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:08,706
Well, it's my favourite of your...
of your publications, sir.

238
00:20:09,458 --> 00:20:12,793
Our publications
here at Shabandar Media.

239
00:20:12,878 --> 00:20:17,882
In fact without wanting to overstate things,
I would say it may be my favourite...

240
00:20:17,966 --> 00:20:23,095
publication ever, without the...
qualification of Shabandar Media,

241
00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:24,555
et cetera, et cetera.

242
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:27,141
- Do you ride?
- Good God, no.

243
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:28,601
That is, I have ridden.

244
00:20:28,685 --> 00:20:31,687
A birthday party. They had ponies.
Little Shetland ponies.

245
00:20:31,772 --> 00:20:34,190
We traipsed around
in a circle in the garden.

246
00:20:34,274 --> 00:20:37,485
I was, oh, six, seven years old.

247
00:20:38,528 --> 00:20:41,364
It was my friend
Bobby Montaigne's birthday party.

248
00:20:41,490 --> 00:20:43,908
He's a speech pathologist now.

249
00:20:43,992 --> 00:20:47,370
And how well I remember it.
Made a deep impression, sir.

250
00:20:47,454 --> 00:20:50,873
- OK, Deanne. Is there something I can help you with?
- Yes, sir, there is. Thank you very much.

251
00:20:50,999 --> 00:20:54,210
You see, I snuck an advance peek,
as I said, at the Horse and Hunt.

252
00:20:54,294 --> 00:20:57,713
I was struck most particularly
by the piece on this PJ Puznowski,

253
00:20:57,798 --> 00:20:59,840
the Texan horse person.

254
00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:04,136
Equestrienne,
not a mutant or a mythical creature.

255
00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:09,976
One imagines a... well, the bosom
of a woman and the hindquarters of...

256
00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:12,270
- Did you happen to see it, sir?
- Yes.

257
00:21:12,396 --> 00:21:14,855
I was struck most specifically by one particular picture.

258
00:21:14,940 --> 00:21:16,148
Haystacks, Dusk.

259
00:21:16,233 --> 00:21:20,569
- Yes. Exactly, sir.
- A reproduction, of course.

260
00:21:20,654 --> 00:21:24,365
Really? You think so, sir?
Based on what, if I may ask?

261
00:21:24,449 --> 00:21:28,828
Based on the fact that it was hanging on
the wall of a bloody caravan in Texas.

262
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:31,622
There is that.

263
00:21:31,707 --> 00:21:34,125
- Is that all?
- Yes, sir.

264
00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:37,295
Thank you.

265
00:21:38,171 --> 00:21:41,424
But shouldn't we check, sir, do little research?
I could put together a memo.

266
00:21:41,508 --> 00:21:45,177
- One of your memos, yes.
- The point is the painting is so rarely reproduced,

267
00:21:45,262 --> 00:21:47,638
I don't even know
if I've seen a reproduction in fact.

268
00:21:47,723 --> 00:21:51,267
And it's the very incongruity of it,
hanging, as you so discerningly...

269
00:21:51,351 --> 00:21:54,729
Fine. Ring this woman up
and ask if she has an original Monet

270
00:21:54,813 --> 00:21:59,567
on the wall in Shitbird, Texas.

271
00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:05,239
- Did he bite, our little fishy?
- He's not hooked yet.

272
00:22:05,365 --> 00:22:08,492
- But he's circling the bait.
- Not sure I follow you, old thing.

273
00:22:08,618 --> 00:22:11,746
He's seen the painting
and he's considering being intrigued.

274
00:22:11,830 --> 00:22:14,165
- Considering?
- Considering being, yes.

275
00:22:14,249 --> 00:22:16,375
- Where's the girl?
- In a hotel in Dallas.

276
00:22:16,460 --> 00:22:20,254
- Why is she in a hotel in Dallas?
- The passport office is there.

277
00:22:20,339 --> 00:22:23,632
It turns out that the dear girl's
never been out of the country.

278
00:22:23,717 --> 00:22:28,637
Now, ordinarily, a passport takes
eight weeks, but they can expedite.

279
00:22:28,764 --> 00:22:32,183
Pay a couple of hundred pounds,
they'll hurry it along.

280
00:22:32,267 --> 00:22:36,228
That's very nice of them.
Couple of hundred.

281
00:22:36,313 --> 00:22:38,314
Right.

282
00:22:42,402 --> 00:22:43,944
Your post, Mr. Deane.

283
00:22:50,744 --> 00:22:52,787
It is extraordinary, isn't it, sir?

284
00:22:52,871 --> 00:22:56,874
Well, it's very amusing if you should
turn out to have been right.

285
00:22:56,958 --> 00:23:01,045
I am here to amuse, sir.
So shall we bring her in?

286
00:23:01,129 --> 00:23:05,633
- Who?
- The cowgirl, sir. PJ Puznowski.

287
00:23:05,717 --> 00:23:09,136
Her grandfather, and all this
confirmed in the US military records,

288
00:23:09,221 --> 00:23:10,554
Bulldog Puznowski.

289
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:13,557
Yes, yes, I read the memo,
but why would I bring her in?

290
00:23:13,642 --> 00:23:17,144
If the painting is real
and if she wants to sell it,

291
00:23:17,229 --> 00:23:20,856
I certainly don't want to seem
overly eager. No, no, no, no.

292
00:23:20,941 --> 00:23:23,984
Ring her up and tell her
if ever she finds herself in London,

293
00:23:24,069 --> 00:23:27,196
I'd be happy to carve out
a few minutes for a chat.

294
00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:30,032
Let her invest
in the deal coming off.

295
00:23:30,117 --> 00:23:33,786
- I see, sir. It's brilliant.
- Nonsense, Deane. It's elementary.

296
00:23:34,538 --> 00:23:36,831
- Prat.
- Wanker.

297
00:23:36,915 --> 00:23:40,960
- Unrestricted economy fare.
- That's what they call it, sir.

298
00:23:41,086 --> 00:23:44,255
Of course, they use the word "economy"
with a certain looseness.

299
00:23:44,339 --> 00:23:47,341
Looseness? It's a positive leap
of the poetic imagination.

300
00:23:47,426 --> 00:23:49,260
Very good, sir. Well put.

301
00:23:49,344 --> 00:23:51,929
- Still, we can't count our pennies. Won't they?
- Oh, no, sir.

302
00:23:52,013 --> 00:23:54,765
Not with millions in the offing.

303
00:23:54,850 --> 00:23:58,185
- There she is.
- Great to meet you. You take care.

304
00:23:59,604 --> 00:24:01,939
Hey, boys! Hi!

305
00:24:04,234 --> 00:24:07,403
Wow. That was a very comfortable flight.

306
00:24:07,529 --> 00:24:09,363
Excellent. Welcome to London.

307
00:24:09,448 --> 00:24:12,950
Thank you. Oh, thank you, Major.

308
00:24:14,619 --> 00:24:16,579
Yes, still holding.

309
00:24:17,414 --> 00:24:20,166
Can't see her today? Any time today?

310
00:24:20,250 --> 00:24:23,419
At the end of the day, could he see her?
Needn't take long.

311
00:24:25,088 --> 00:24:29,216
No, I understand. No, I understand.

312
00:24:29,301 --> 00:24:31,302
Right. Cheers.

313
00:24:58,038 --> 00:25:01,499
Hey! Is this bothering you?

314
00:25:03,001 --> 00:25:04,752
No, not at all.

315
00:25:04,836 --> 00:25:06,795
- I'm going to make some tea.
- OK.

316
00:25:11,092 --> 00:25:14,803
- What you got hanging here?
- Sorry?

317
00:25:14,888 --> 00:25:17,765
On your wall. Is this a Monet?

318
00:25:17,849 --> 00:25:19,016
Careful.

319
00:25:22,437 --> 00:25:25,773
Alfred Sisley. They were contemporaries.

320
00:25:29,152 --> 00:25:31,445
It's of his son, Pierre.

321
00:25:31,530 --> 00:25:34,198
The boy was ten at the time, I think.

322
00:25:35,116 --> 00:25:37,409
Sure is small.

323
00:25:37,494 --> 00:25:42,289
It cost me a ridiculous amount of money.
Rather put me in a hole.

324
00:25:44,167 --> 00:25:46,335
I like it.

325
00:25:47,128 --> 00:25:49,129
It's nice.

326
00:25:51,466 --> 00:25:53,133
It's very beautiful.

327
00:25:58,265 --> 00:26:00,599
- Good morning.
- You know what time it is, mate?

328
00:26:00,684 --> 00:26:02,726
Yes, Mr. Knowles. It's just coming...

329
00:26:04,896 --> 00:26:06,897
Morning.

330
00:26:10,527 --> 00:26:14,655
Psst. Come on, wake up.
He can see us now.

331
00:26:14,739 --> 00:26:19,285
Creating and distributing news,
sports and entertainment.

332
00:26:19,369 --> 00:26:22,621
- Come on, let's go.
- It's a jungle out there.

333
00:26:22,706 --> 00:26:25,708
The lion's share of the world's media.

334
00:26:25,834 --> 00:26:29,461
Shabandar. Hear us roar.

335
00:26:31,172 --> 00:26:33,841
- Let me do the talking.
- Sure.

336
00:26:33,925 --> 00:26:35,342
Ms. Puznowski.

337
00:26:35,427 --> 00:26:37,511
- Howdy.
- Delighted to meet you.

338
00:26:37,596 --> 00:26:39,722
Good grief, Deane.
What happened to you?

339
00:26:39,848 --> 00:26:43,309
A fellow in the pub expressed
a preference for Matisse over Cézanne.

340
00:26:43,393 --> 00:26:45,728
Had to set him straight.
I'm joking, of course.

341
00:26:45,812 --> 00:26:48,439
Love Matisse. Use of colour.

342
00:26:48,523 --> 00:26:52,901
No, bent down to pick something up,
bookshelf in the way. Hello, bango.

343
00:26:52,986 --> 00:26:55,279
So, shall we sit?

344
00:26:55,363 --> 00:26:57,615
So, how do you find London?

345
00:26:57,699 --> 00:27:01,118
Well, everybody knows
the answer to that one.

346
00:27:01,202 --> 00:27:03,037
You turn right at Greenland.

347
00:27:04,289 --> 00:27:06,874
Indeed. And where are you staying?

348
00:27:06,958 --> 00:27:11,503
Er, well, one of them,
erm, big hotels downtown.

349
00:27:11,588 --> 00:27:14,381
I can't remember the name of it.
You remember, Harry?

350
00:27:14,466 --> 00:27:15,799
- Connaught.
- Me neither.

351
00:27:15,967 --> 00:27:18,260
- But it's one of them big ones.
- The Connaught.

352
00:27:18,345 --> 00:27:20,804
We spoke about the Connaught Hotel.

353
00:27:22,974 --> 00:27:26,060
That's a stupid name.
Staff seems pretty can-do.

354
00:27:26,144 --> 00:27:28,228
You certain about the Connaught, Deane?

355
00:27:28,313 --> 00:27:29,980
- Sorry?
- It's fine, I suppose of it.

356
00:27:30,065 --> 00:27:33,275
But I'll make a few calls,
get our friend in at the Savoy.

357
00:27:33,360 --> 00:27:35,819
- I much prefer it.
- No, sir, there's really no need.

358
00:27:35,945 --> 00:27:39,448
Let him do it, Harry. I'm sure
the service is plenty good there, too.

359
00:27:39,532 --> 00:27:42,201
Good anywhere, I reckon,
if you got the do-re-mi.

360
00:27:42,327 --> 00:27:43,952
And I don't mind shelling it out.

361
00:27:44,037 --> 00:27:48,916
I guess Harry here told you about
this here painting I'm aiming to unload.

362
00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:52,961
Ms. Puznowski feels that in light of
the precedential value of the piece...

363
00:27:53,046 --> 00:27:55,130
You're hardly her agent, Deane.

364
00:27:55,215 --> 00:28:00,302
And anyway, Ms. Puznowski seems
perfectly capable of expressing herself.

365
00:28:00,387 --> 00:28:02,055
Well, yes, sir.

366
00:28:03,139 --> 00:28:05,474
Yes, sir. English is my mother tongue.

367
00:28:05,558 --> 00:28:08,394
But you don't have to Ms. Puznowski me.

368
00:28:08,478 --> 00:28:10,813
No, you can call me PJ. Or Jammies.

369
00:28:10,897 --> 00:28:14,483
That's my rodeo handle.
Or Philomena, which is my real name.

370
00:28:14,567 --> 00:28:18,445
Well, thank you, PJ.
And you may call me Lionel.

371
00:28:18,530 --> 00:28:21,031
Let's hope that doing business
on a first-name basis

372
00:28:21,116 --> 00:28:24,493
will be conducive to plain speaking
and clear understanding.

373
00:28:24,577 --> 00:28:27,246
Amen to that, Lionel.

374
00:28:27,330 --> 00:28:29,373
Well, then, let's get to it.

375
00:28:29,457 --> 00:28:31,709
I want £12 million
for this here picture.

376
00:28:31,793 --> 00:28:34,336
That's 6,000 tons
if I've done my math right.

377
00:28:34,421 --> 00:28:38,006
And maybe you'd like to throw in
a nice four-by-four to haul it off in,

378
00:28:38,091 --> 00:28:42,094
with an auto tranny, a CD deck
and graduated tint on the windshields.

379
00:28:42,178 --> 00:28:43,804
Please and thank you.

380
00:28:44,556 --> 00:28:48,308
Well, that's marvellous,
and tell me, PJ,

381
00:28:48,393 --> 00:28:51,854
what makes you think
this painting is worth £12 million?

382
00:28:52,814 --> 00:28:58,402
Well, Lionel, first off, it's oil.
Ain't it, Harry?

383
00:28:58,486 --> 00:29:01,655
Indeed, the medium is oil,
and its provenance is promising.

384
00:29:05,994 --> 00:29:09,830
But I would like to take it to your country house to
compare it to it's mate before I write a definitive opinion.

385
00:29:09,956 --> 00:29:12,499
- Is it being shipped in?
- Arrives Tuesday.

386
00:29:12,584 --> 00:29:14,668
Well, it works out, you can run it up to the house.

387
00:29:14,753 --> 00:29:17,045
We'll take a look at it
at the gala on Wednesday.

388
00:29:17,130 --> 00:29:19,548
- You've never been to the house. Have you been?
- No, sir, no. I...

389
00:29:19,632 --> 00:29:22,217
I have an annual party
up at the estate.

390
00:29:22,302 --> 00:29:25,804
That sounds nice. That's another thing
I got going in my favour.

391
00:29:25,889 --> 00:29:27,681
You've got this other Haystacks that goes with it,

392
00:29:27,766 --> 00:29:31,185
and the man ain't exactly churning 'em out,
what with his being dead an' all.

393
00:29:31,311 --> 00:29:36,440
So, looks like if you want the set,
I got you by the short and curlies.

394
00:29:36,524 --> 00:29:39,860
I really don't think it's a situation
of one party trying to subdue the other.

395
00:29:39,944 --> 00:29:43,655
Nonsense, Deane. It's a pleasure doing business
with someone who knows her position

396
00:29:43,740 --> 00:29:46,200
and is able to clearly set it out.

397
00:29:47,702 --> 00:29:51,413
Unfortunately I have
another appointment at 11 o'clock.

398
00:29:51,498 --> 00:29:53,707
But I believe this is worth pursuing.

399
00:29:53,792 --> 00:29:57,878
Let's see if we mightn't find
some common ground.

400
00:29:57,962 --> 00:30:00,589
Why, thank you. A gentleman.

401
00:30:02,425 --> 00:30:03,592
Thank you.

402
00:30:03,676 --> 00:30:06,637
I'm booked the rest of the day
and I have a business dinner as well.

403
00:30:06,721 --> 00:30:10,682
But a thought occurs to me. Perhaps
you might be my dinner companion.

404
00:30:10,767 --> 00:30:14,728
We'd have some time to talk and you might
even help me with a business matter.

405
00:30:14,813 --> 00:30:16,855
Thank you. That would be delightful.

406
00:30:16,940 --> 00:30:21,860
Don't bother yourself, Deane.
I'm sure PJ and I can handle things.

407
00:30:21,945 --> 00:30:23,821
To plain speaking.

408
00:30:23,905 --> 00:30:25,781
- Yes, sir.
- Going down.

409
00:30:25,865 --> 00:30:28,283
- Shall we say eight o'clock?
- Sure.

410
00:30:28,368 --> 00:30:29,618
Pick you up at?

411
00:30:29,702 --> 00:30:32,412
- The Savoy.
- Why not?

412
00:30:38,837 --> 00:30:42,923
As I drove the two of them
to the most expensive hotel in London,

413
00:30:43,007 --> 00:30:46,385
I was rather taken by Ms. Puznowski.

414
00:30:46,469 --> 00:30:52,182
Her invigorating lack of decorum
would have enraptured my younger self.

415
00:30:52,267 --> 00:30:54,935
Still, for the successful execution
of the plan,

416
00:30:55,019 --> 00:30:59,398
Mr. Deane would require a firm hand
to bring her into line.

417
00:30:59,482 --> 00:31:03,277
I won't deny
I doubted the strength of his wrists.

418
00:31:03,361 --> 00:31:05,654
I don't think
I need to remind you, do I,

419
00:31:05,738 --> 00:31:07,614
of the consequences
of room service?

420
00:31:07,699 --> 00:31:10,242
- Uh-huh.
- This place is absurdly expensive.

421
00:31:10,326 --> 00:31:12,828
Well, this was all your idea.

422
00:31:12,912 --> 00:31:15,998
- Not your actually staying here.
- It's not my fault neither.

423
00:31:16,165 --> 00:31:19,585
We told him our story and either
we keep laying on the bamboozlement

424
00:31:19,669 --> 00:31:21,587
or we might as well
pack it in and go home.

425
00:31:21,671 --> 00:31:24,882
Mamacita! I bet this place has cable.

426
00:31:25,800 --> 00:31:27,801
What are you doing?

427
00:31:29,178 --> 00:31:31,471
The Major gave me a rag to dry this

428
00:31:31,556 --> 00:31:34,349
and, good God,
I believe it has motor oil on it.

429
00:31:35,643 --> 00:31:38,979
Hello. Do you have a single room?

430
00:31:39,063 --> 00:31:43,317
Very, very small. Tiny, in fact.
Just for one evening.

431
00:31:43,401 --> 00:31:45,444
Certainly, sir. I'll just take a look.

432
00:31:45,528 --> 00:31:49,823
Not even the whole evening necessarily.
We could just use it for...

433
00:31:49,908 --> 00:31:53,243
We are rather hemmed in
at the moment, sir.

434
00:31:53,328 --> 00:31:58,624
All I see for this evening is a very
comfortable suite overlooking the river.

435
00:31:58,708 --> 00:32:00,542
We'll take it.

436
00:32:00,627 --> 00:32:02,336
Hold on. What's the tariff?

437
00:32:02,420 --> 00:32:06,423
You know what, Hoss, if you're gonna nickel-and-dime
me, we can call this whole thing off.

438
00:32:06,507 --> 00:32:10,427
- I'm beginning to have second thoughts on you.
- Why would you be having second thoughts?

439
00:32:10,511 --> 00:32:12,721
Because there's moral issues you know. Right and wrong.

440
00:32:12,805 --> 00:32:14,306
What would my momma have said

441
00:32:14,390 --> 00:32:17,684
if she saw me doing this deceiving somebody
with you and your little Major?

442
00:32:17,769 --> 00:32:21,063
The Major has made quite a mess here.
Good God, it's really embarrassing.

443
00:32:21,147 --> 00:32:24,274
- Don't you feel a little ashamed?
- I'm not remotely ashamed.

444
00:32:24,359 --> 00:32:26,652
- Just run that through.
- Sir, I already have.

445
00:32:26,736 --> 00:32:30,697
There seems to be a problem with this
card. Perhaps you've exceeded the limit.

446
00:32:30,782 --> 00:32:35,702
Bloody hell. Alright, try the... This
is a mistake. I'll show you try the American Express.

447
00:32:35,787 --> 00:32:38,580
I don't know why I worry.
You ain't up to it anyway.

448
00:32:38,665 --> 00:32:41,750
- You or the Major.
- The Major is quite capable, I assure you.

449
00:32:42,034 --> 00:32:44,211
- Well!
- What? What's the laugh for?

450
00:32:44,295 --> 00:32:47,214
Laughing at the Major? Are we?
He's handled better than you, my dear.

451
00:32:47,298 --> 00:32:49,758
He's been in any number
of sticky spots in and out.

452
00:32:49,884 --> 00:32:52,427
And should you choose to play coy
this late in the game,

453
00:32:52,512 --> 00:32:53,762
the Major would be aroused

454
00:32:53,888 --> 00:32:56,640
and I could not be held responsible
for the consequences.

455
00:32:56,724 --> 00:32:59,643
From what I've seen,
ain't nothin' gonna arouse the Major.

456
00:32:59,727 --> 00:33:02,771
Very good, sir.
This one worked brilliantly.

457
00:33:02,855 --> 00:33:06,483
There you are. That's room 344.

458
00:33:07,276 --> 00:33:10,904
Remember this evening, it is very important
to stay on topic. Keep it businesslike.

459
00:33:10,989 --> 00:33:14,074
The man were dealing is not above mixing
the professional with the personal

460
00:33:14,158 --> 00:33:16,868
- to get what he wants.
- What's that supposed to mean?

461
00:33:16,953 --> 00:33:20,664
Don't make me say it.
The man is... Well, he's a cad.

462
00:33:20,748 --> 00:33:23,875
It's obvious. He's up to something.
He excluded me from your little date.

463
00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:29,464
Hell, maybe I don't mind being seduced,
chased after by a multi-zillionaire.

464
00:33:29,590 --> 00:33:31,883
I don't know,
that don't sound so terrible.

465
00:33:31,968 --> 00:33:35,887
What a depraved point of view.
You said that the man's money makes him attractive?

466
00:33:35,972 --> 00:33:38,807
Yeah. Money and manners Momma always called
money and manners

467
00:33:38,891 --> 00:33:40,809
the pork and beans of personality.

468
00:33:40,893 --> 00:33:44,062
- What an odd woman.
- There we are. 344, right?

469
00:33:44,147 --> 00:33:48,150
And I beg you,
do not abuse the minibar.

470
00:33:52,280 --> 00:33:54,573
Is that...

471
00:33:54,699 --> 00:33:56,700
Good God!

472
00:33:58,828 --> 00:34:01,204
- It's a Ming.
- Harry.

473
00:34:01,289 --> 00:34:02,456
Key.

474
00:34:07,211 --> 00:34:09,880
- That's your side.
- This is a real nice car, Lionel.

475
00:34:09,964 --> 00:34:12,049
- It's nicer than my house.
- Indeed.

476
00:34:12,133 --> 00:34:14,009
Would you classify this as a limo?

477
00:34:14,093 --> 00:34:15,886
Well, I suppose you could.

478
00:34:25,104 --> 00:34:28,190
Shabandar.

479
00:34:28,274 --> 00:34:29,983
Yes. Good to see you.

480
00:34:30,068 --> 00:34:34,905
Martin Zaidenweber,
this is PJ Puznowski.

481
00:34:34,989 --> 00:34:39,159
- This is her? It's so nice to meet you.
- It's very nice to see you too.

482
00:34:39,243 --> 00:34:43,038
- Are you excited to be here in London?
- I'm so excited. It's my first time.

483
00:34:43,122 --> 00:34:45,248
No! No, come on.

484
00:34:45,333 --> 00:34:49,377
Now, I have heard about this painting.
I mean, what a story.

485
00:34:49,462 --> 00:34:52,047
Almost incredible. Almost incredible.

486
00:34:52,131 --> 00:34:54,132
I thought it'd be good idea
for you two to meet.

487
00:34:54,217 --> 00:34:56,218
Martin here will be examining your painting.

488
00:34:56,302 --> 00:34:58,512
He's going to curate
my private collection.

489
00:34:58,596 --> 00:35:00,222
Ja.

490
00:35:01,099 --> 00:35:04,267
Wow. I thought that
that's what Harry did.

491
00:35:04,352 --> 00:35:08,355
For the moment,
but the man's a bit of an idiot.

492
00:35:08,439 --> 00:35:11,358
- Don't you think?
- No, no, no, Shabandar.

493
00:35:11,442 --> 00:35:13,235
No. Harry is a good man.

494
00:35:13,319 --> 00:35:16,488
Not much of an eye, but a good man.

495
00:35:17,990 --> 00:35:21,576
I am for five years a director
of the Kunst Museum in Köln.

496
00:35:21,661 --> 00:35:26,915
Und before that I curated the collection
of Baron Thyssen-Bornemisza.

497
00:35:26,999 --> 00:35:31,628
But the Baron's collection is...
heavily Flemish.

498
00:35:32,547 --> 00:35:38,218
Titian, Rubens,
all the women, so saftig und heftig.

499
00:35:38,302 --> 00:35:44,099
I mean, how many years can you spend
looking at the Walloons, huh?

500
00:35:44,183 --> 00:35:46,643
Anyway, now I prefer the impressionists.

501
00:35:46,769 --> 00:35:50,105
Und I'm now considered
as the top man on Monet.

502
00:35:51,232 --> 00:35:53,900
Say, your English
is pretty darn good there, Martin.

503
00:35:53,985 --> 00:35:56,361
I mean, for someone
from the country of Germany.

504
00:35:56,445 --> 00:35:59,865
Oh, thank you. Well,
I speak eight languages fluently.

505
00:35:59,949 --> 00:36:04,202
Und I'm internet-savvy, but you have
to be these days, don't you think?

506
00:36:04,287 --> 00:36:06,955
I pluck chickens,
so there ain't a lot of call for me

507
00:36:07,039 --> 00:36:09,541
to be traipsing around
tweetin' and bloggin' you know.

508
00:36:09,625 --> 00:36:11,585
Ja, ja.

509
00:36:12,795 --> 00:36:16,089
I'm unfamiliar with this expression,
"I pluck chickens".

510
00:36:17,216 --> 00:36:19,217
Anyway, tell me this remarkable thing.

511
00:36:19,302 --> 00:36:22,137
This painting was hanging
always in your house,

512
00:36:22,221 --> 00:36:25,056
ever since you can remember,
even as a little kinder?

513
00:36:27,727 --> 00:36:28,768
Yep.

514
00:36:40,198 --> 00:36:41,615
Hmm!

515
00:36:43,826 --> 00:36:45,202
Bloody hell.

516
00:36:47,580 --> 00:36:52,459
- So, Harry's out on his butt, huh?
- Yeah, Harry is, as you say, out on his butt.

517
00:36:53,336 --> 00:36:55,712
He's a bit of a disappointment, really.

518
00:36:55,838 --> 00:36:58,256
Something a little desperate
about the man.

519
00:36:58,341 --> 00:37:00,550
- I don't know.
- A little shifty, a little weak.

520
00:37:00,635 --> 00:37:01,968
Not that bright.

521
00:37:02,053 --> 00:37:05,222
I like to look a man in the eye,
"Lionel Shabandar, how do you do?"

522
00:37:05,306 --> 00:37:08,642
"This is what I should like. What do
you fancy?" Just have out with it, you know.

523
00:37:08,726 --> 00:37:12,270
It's easier to live up to that kind of thing when
you're rich and can call all the shots.

524
00:37:12,355 --> 00:37:15,565
Character is tested in many ways.
Money brings its own burdens and

525
00:37:15,650 --> 00:37:20,153
you, I'm certain, will pass every test.
Deane, I don't know.

526
00:37:20,238 --> 00:37:23,031
I think maybe
you're just not looking deep enough.

527
00:37:23,115 --> 00:37:27,202
Like Momma always said, if you can't tell
the difference between a pig and a javelina,

528
00:37:27,286 --> 00:37:30,747
well, you could lose a big old chunk
out of your ass.

529
00:37:31,749 --> 00:37:33,583
Indeed.

530
00:37:37,004 --> 00:37:40,382
Mr. Deane was a proud man
in a difficult moment.

531
00:37:40,466 --> 00:37:44,177
His credit exhausted,
his coffers near empty,

532
00:37:44,262 --> 00:37:48,056
he was forced to contemplate
desperate measures.

533
00:37:48,808 --> 00:37:52,811
Yet he could allow no chink
to appear in the plan.

534
00:37:52,895 --> 00:37:56,773
And though his accomplice might seem,
shall we say, less than perfect...

535
00:37:58,099 --> 00:38:00,902
...he would maintain control.

536
00:38:00,987 --> 00:38:05,365
These are the moments
that try men's souls.

537
00:38:05,491 --> 00:38:07,701
So how is His Lordship this evening?

538
00:38:07,785 --> 00:38:09,536
- He's...
- No problems?

539
00:38:09,620 --> 00:38:13,123
- He wasn't rude or bullying, I hope.
- No, he was polite enough.

540
00:38:13,207 --> 00:38:16,084
Hey, Harry, what are you doing
with all your quarters?

541
00:38:16,168 --> 00:38:19,546
These, madam, are pounds and pence,
not quarters.

542
00:38:19,630 --> 00:38:23,258
- Just putting my affairs in order.
- Harry Deane, are you tapped out?

543
00:38:23,342 --> 00:38:28,596
Hardly. I do this periodically
so as to have use of the jar.

544
00:38:28,681 --> 00:38:31,308
I bag the coins
and donate the proceeds to charity.

545
00:38:31,392 --> 00:38:32,851
Uh-huh.

546
00:38:36,564 --> 00:38:37,856
Tea?

547
00:38:39,275 --> 00:38:43,486
So where do we stand with
our little affair, scheme, programme?

548
00:38:43,571 --> 00:38:46,865
You know, hoss,
I don't think it's gonna work out.

549
00:38:46,991 --> 00:38:49,826
What? Nonsense.
Everything's going exactly according to plan.

550
00:38:49,910 --> 00:38:52,579
We have the painting,
or so Shabandar believes.

551
00:38:52,663 --> 00:38:55,790
And I, my dear, have
that credulous boob's confidence.

552
00:38:55,875 --> 00:38:57,751
On plan, don't you understand?

553
00:38:57,835 --> 00:39:01,338
Well, then, I guess it's just me
having second thoughts, then.

554
00:39:01,422 --> 00:39:04,966
Second thoughts? Well,
it's a little late for that, young lady.

555
00:39:05,051 --> 00:39:08,011
- Don't young lady me, hoss.
- Don't you hoss me, young lady.

556
00:39:08,095 --> 00:39:09,137
That is it.

557
00:39:10,514 --> 00:39:14,476
Listen here, I have invested thousands of pounds
in this little caper of ours,

558
00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:19,356
not to mention the Major, who has
painted his heart, his soul, his guts

559
00:39:19,440 --> 00:39:21,316
into his forgery of Haystacks, Dusk.

560
00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:25,278
You call the Major, you tell him about your
second thoughts, your silly little...

561
00:39:25,363 --> 00:39:28,114
What is it anyway?
Cold feet, moral qualms again?

562
00:39:28,199 --> 00:39:29,366
Yeah, that's part of it.

563
00:39:29,450 --> 00:39:32,660
Besides, the man
is a cold-blooded, heartless bully.

564
00:39:32,745 --> 00:39:35,330
- I happen to think he's quite charming.
- Charming?

565
00:39:35,414 --> 00:39:39,376
He's really charming in a thoroughly reptilian,
repulsive sort of way. Repulsively charming certainly yes.

566
00:39:39,460 --> 00:39:42,087
But you fail to see his manners
are completely ersatz.

567
00:39:42,213 --> 00:39:44,214
Good God, women. I knew you were naive and provincial...

568
00:39:44,298 --> 00:39:47,884
And look at you,
trash-talkin' my origins!

569
00:39:47,968 --> 00:39:51,596
I respect your origins,
your entire double-wide way of life,

570
00:39:51,680 --> 00:39:53,848
but the face fact it does leave you vulnerable to...

571
00:39:53,933 --> 00:39:57,227
Leaves me vulnerable? I don't know
how to tell you this, Harry.

572
00:39:57,311 --> 00:40:00,522
- But you're fired.
- Oh, I'm fired?

573
00:40:00,606 --> 00:40:02,607
- Yep.
- Very amusing.

574
00:40:02,691 --> 00:40:06,069
Let me remind you who's running
this little enterprise, madam. Moi.

575
00:40:06,153 --> 00:40:09,781
And it is you who are fired!
Except you're not.

576
00:40:09,865 --> 00:40:14,411
In due course, when I have authenticated
the Major's beautiful work, then,

577
00:40:14,495 --> 00:40:17,497
then we shall discuss
the termination of your employment

578
00:40:17,581 --> 00:40:19,374
and come to some understanding

579
00:40:19,458 --> 00:40:23,503
as to how to bear the onus
of your ridiculous expenses.

580
00:40:23,587 --> 00:40:28,341
Wrong, hoss. Wrong, wrong and wrong.

581
00:40:28,426 --> 00:40:32,262
You are fired, by Lionel,
cos he told me hisself.

582
00:40:32,346 --> 00:40:35,390
And he introduced me to some
stuck-up heinie, Martin Zaidenweber,

583
00:40:35,474 --> 00:40:36,641
who's getting your job

584
00:40:36,725 --> 00:40:40,270
and you won't be authenticating
your dumb old hay painting.

585
00:40:40,354 --> 00:40:42,730
So I'm going back to the Savoy
to stay the night

586
00:40:42,815 --> 00:40:45,567
and I might just order up
some surf 'n' turf.

587
00:40:45,651 --> 00:40:49,028
And tomorrow I'm going to Texas,
get my job back at the chicken plant.

588
00:40:49,113 --> 00:40:50,655
'Cause it ain't no fault of mine

589
00:40:50,739 --> 00:40:53,658
that your whole cockamamie scheme
just went blooey.

590
00:41:14,430 --> 00:41:16,431
Hmm!

591
00:41:26,317 --> 00:41:28,152
Zaidenweber.

592
00:41:30,196 --> 00:41:33,323
Hmm. It's a little late
to apologise now.

593
00:41:37,536 --> 00:41:40,538
How could he? Zaidenweber.

594
00:41:40,623 --> 00:41:43,791
The man is a... Admittedly he knows
his way around the Walloons.

595
00:41:43,876 --> 00:41:47,629
But when it comes to the impressionists,
the man is a hopeless ignoramus.

596
00:41:47,713 --> 00:41:50,590
And this would be comical
if it weren't actually dangerous.

597
00:41:50,674 --> 00:41:52,217
I refer not just to my nose,

598
00:41:52,301 --> 00:41:55,553
which this time I fear
may be well and truly broken.

599
00:41:55,638 --> 00:41:58,348
Perhaps since our little caper
is far from over,

600
00:41:58,432 --> 00:42:01,643
perhaps we should consider
removing the cartilage.

601
00:42:01,727 --> 00:42:04,938
Don't be an ass. I'm hardly likely
to be hit in the face a third time.

602
00:42:05,022 --> 00:42:06,898
That was the third time, sir.

603
00:42:07,650 --> 00:42:09,359
This isn't a maths class.

604
00:42:09,443 --> 00:42:12,612
The point is what are we going to do about
Zaidenweber who, once hired on,

605
00:42:12,696 --> 00:42:16,366
is not going to authenticate
our dumb old hay painting?

606
00:42:18,369 --> 00:42:21,287
Perhaps, Major, could you not
contrive to neutralise him

607
00:42:21,372 --> 00:42:25,166
simply with a...
well, with a gun of some sort?

608
00:42:25,251 --> 00:42:29,462
With a silencer screwed onto the tip
of the thing, the barrel there?

609
00:42:30,464 --> 00:42:33,591
- Mr. Deane.
- Hmm?

610
00:42:33,676 --> 00:42:36,427
Too much? No, you're right,
it's too outlandish.

611
00:42:36,512 --> 00:42:38,513
I'll take care of Zaidenweber.

612
00:42:38,597 --> 00:42:41,057
It's almost less of a problem more pressing
is how do we get our rogue elephant

613
00:42:41,183 --> 00:42:43,851
out of the most expensive hotel
in London?

614
00:42:44,812 --> 00:42:49,232
Oh, er, sorry, sir. I haven't quite got
the knack of this.

615
00:42:50,359 --> 00:42:53,278
She is a person without vision, Major.

616
00:42:53,362 --> 00:42:57,282
She cannot see the plan,
so she will not believe in the plan.

617
00:42:57,366 --> 00:43:00,910
Instant gratification is her
modus vivendi, discipline a dirty word.

618
00:43:00,995 --> 00:43:03,538
There's something
awfully refreshing about her.

619
00:43:03,622 --> 00:43:06,958
Refreshing? There's something refreshing
about being plunged into an ice bath

620
00:43:07,042 --> 00:43:08,835
and flogged with a birch switch.

621
00:43:08,919 --> 00:43:11,546
Oh, yes, good flogging.

622
00:43:11,630 --> 00:43:15,842
Madam Olga, Pennypockets Lane,
third floor to the rear.

623
00:43:20,931 --> 00:43:22,640
- Yeah?
- Martin?

624
00:43:22,725 --> 00:43:27,061
- Ja, this is Martin Zaidenweber, ja.
- Martin, it's Harry.

625
00:43:29,356 --> 00:43:33,067
- Harry Trinkwasser?
- No, Harry Deane, calling from London.

626
00:43:34,069 --> 00:43:36,529
- How's Cologne?
- Köln?

627
00:43:38,032 --> 00:43:41,367
Oh, ja! Köln is... is good, not so bad.

628
00:43:41,452 --> 00:43:44,329
Of course, I'm in Köln.
You catch me at my gym.

629
00:43:44,413 --> 00:43:49,000
Practising physical culture. I am gaily
shvitzing away the kilos, you know?

630
00:43:49,960 --> 00:43:52,211
We have to fight the heftiness!

631
00:43:52,296 --> 00:43:54,297
Oh, absolutely.

632
00:43:54,381 --> 00:43:57,091
Look, I know this will seem
a little out of the blue,

633
00:43:57,176 --> 00:43:59,135
and it's sort of embarrassing to say,

634
00:43:59,261 --> 00:44:02,180
but I'm calling to ask
if you might have a job on offer anytime soon.

635
00:44:02,264 --> 00:44:04,349
- Job?
- I'm going to be free soon.

636
00:44:04,433 --> 00:44:06,309
I'm about to kiss Shabandar off.

637
00:44:06,393 --> 00:44:09,854
- You will kiss him off?
- Quitting, yes.

638
00:44:09,980 --> 00:44:13,024
Rather embarrassing as I say,
but Shabandar's having problems.

639
00:44:13,108 --> 00:44:14,609
Business problems.

640
00:44:14,693 --> 00:44:17,654
Rumour has it he's built himself
a bit of a house of cards.

641
00:44:17,738 --> 00:44:20,031
- A card house?
- Yeah.

642
00:44:20,783 --> 00:44:24,744
Just last week,
my pay cheque didn't clear.

643
00:44:30,417 --> 00:44:32,168
- Good evening.
- Good evening, sir.

644
00:44:32,294 --> 00:44:35,421
- What can we do for you?
- Well, I'm checking my friend out. I'm sorry to say.

645
00:44:35,506 --> 00:44:37,590
It's a lovely room.
She's quite enjoyed her stay.

646
00:44:37,675 --> 00:44:40,885
But the fact to the matter I can authorise no further payments
against my credit card.

647
00:44:40,969 --> 00:44:43,471
Sir, looks, we're going to have to
throw her out on her ear.

648
00:44:43,555 --> 00:44:45,640
- Actually, sir...
- Give her the old heave-ho.

649
00:44:45,724 --> 00:44:47,433
Bags packed, out on the pavement.

650
00:44:47,518 --> 00:44:52,563
Actually, sir, those charges have been
assumed as of 4:17 this afternoon

651
00:44:52,648 --> 00:44:54,148
by another party.

652
00:44:54,233 --> 00:44:59,237
In fact, I believe she has been
moved up to a senior suite.

653
00:44:59,363 --> 00:45:02,073
Senior suite.

654
00:45:02,157 --> 00:45:04,534
She's been moved up to...
Who the bloody hell?

655
00:45:04,618 --> 00:45:07,954
Lord Shabandar
called round actually. You just missed him.

656
00:45:08,080 --> 00:45:11,457
He left with the young lady
in evening wear.

657
00:45:11,542 --> 00:45:12,792
Hmm.

658
00:45:12,876 --> 00:45:14,711
- Evening wear?
- Yes, sir.

659
00:45:14,795 --> 00:45:16,421
- Quite striking.
- Indeed.

660
00:45:16,505 --> 00:45:19,257
A gift from His Lordship.

661
00:45:19,383 --> 00:45:22,635
Fine. Excellent. Well, good, then.

662
00:45:22,720 --> 00:45:26,222
But I'd be happy
to close out your account. Let me see.

663
00:45:26,390 --> 00:45:29,642
Charges accumulating
prior to this evening...

664
00:45:29,727 --> 00:45:31,185
Yes, here we are.

665
00:45:34,982 --> 00:45:37,692
It'll just be two shakes, sir.

666
00:45:47,536 --> 00:45:50,997
How is the...
the Major this evening, sir?

667
00:45:52,958 --> 00:45:55,126
- Hmm?
- The Major.

668
00:45:56,503 --> 00:45:58,504
He's alright, I suppose.

669
00:45:59,423 --> 00:46:03,009
- Seems like a busy little fellow.
- Not so little, I would hazard.

670
00:46:05,554 --> 00:46:07,513
He's lost a bit of weight recently.

671
00:46:08,474 --> 00:46:11,517
- Semi-retired now.
- That is a pity, sir.

672
00:46:11,602 --> 00:46:15,438
- At least it's... semi.
- Hmm.

673
00:46:21,361 --> 00:46:24,447
Leaving that on the American Express
card, are we, sir?

674
00:46:24,531 --> 00:46:26,240
Yes, thank you.

675
00:46:40,214 --> 00:46:43,883
Now, the task this evening
is quite straightforward.

676
00:46:43,967 --> 00:46:45,885
The Japanese ran the world in the '80s

677
00:46:45,969 --> 00:46:48,805
and my little friend Takagawa
screwed me a dozen times.

678
00:46:48,889 --> 00:46:51,098
Well, now the boot is on the other foot.

679
00:46:51,183 --> 00:46:53,935
So it's kind of like a grudge match.

680
00:46:54,019 --> 00:46:56,938
He's still pissed off
that I beat him to Haystacks, Dawn.

681
00:46:57,022 --> 00:47:00,608
Now, if I can get his lackeys to sell me
their 220 television channels,

682
00:47:00,692 --> 00:47:04,779
I become the third largest provider
of premium cable in the whole of Asia

683
00:47:04,863 --> 00:47:09,367
and the Shabandar lion
can finally roar over Japan.

684
00:47:12,454 --> 00:47:15,790
Hello. Good day, Mr. Shabandar.

685
00:47:15,874 --> 00:47:20,044
I am your interpreter
from Konichiwa Media Group.

686
00:47:20,128 --> 00:47:23,214
- I am Chuck.
- Delighted to meet you.

687
00:47:24,007 --> 00:47:27,844
This is Ms. Philomena Puznowski.

688
00:47:27,928 --> 00:47:29,262
Hi.

689
00:47:29,346 --> 00:47:34,767
Hello. Good day. I am your interpreter
from Konichiwa Media Group.

690
00:47:34,852 --> 00:47:36,811
I am Chuck.

691
00:47:36,895 --> 00:47:40,356
This is Mr. Katsuhara Cho.

692
00:47:40,482 --> 00:47:44,652
Very powerful big man
of Konichiwa Media Group.

693
00:47:44,736 --> 00:47:50,491
I present Mr. Shabandar
and Ms. Puznoskusam.

694
00:47:50,976 --> 00:47:51,993
Marvellous.

695
00:47:59,042 --> 00:48:02,128
I think we'll just pick up the names
as we go along, don't you?

696
00:48:02,212 --> 00:48:07,008
- It's a pleasure to meet you all.
- And that goes double for me.

697
00:48:07,092 --> 00:48:09,927
As I said,
these dinners can be difficult.

698
00:48:10,012 --> 00:48:12,471
Don't worry about it.
These guys seem pretty harmless.

699
00:48:12,556 --> 00:48:15,182
They're evil little shits.
Watch me crush them.

700
00:48:20,981 --> 00:48:25,067
It occurs to me, I'm afraid
I left my glasses up in the room.

701
00:48:25,152 --> 00:48:29,196
Would it... Would the key still work
for me to run up and have a look?

702
00:48:29,281 --> 00:48:33,326
- You're wearing them, sir.
- These, to be sure, yes.

703
00:48:33,410 --> 00:48:36,913
No, I mean my other glasses,
my distance glasses.

704
00:48:38,957 --> 00:48:40,499
Distance.

705
00:48:40,584 --> 00:48:43,544
I'll run you another key, sir.

706
00:49:05,233 --> 00:49:06,484
Huh.

707
00:49:56,159 --> 00:49:58,119
Bloody hell!

708
00:50:03,917 --> 00:50:08,045
Hello!

709
00:50:18,432 --> 00:50:21,517
This is Extra Vroom-Vroom channel.

710
00:50:21,643 --> 00:50:24,228
- Aim at people love car.
- Hmm.

711
00:50:24,312 --> 00:50:27,273
This is Extra Killer Whale channel

712
00:50:27,357 --> 00:50:30,943
for people like watch whale
eat other people.

713
00:50:31,028 --> 00:50:34,530
- Very popular after ten o'clock.
- Hmm.

714
00:50:34,614 --> 00:50:37,283
This is Let's Young channel.

715
00:50:37,367 --> 00:50:41,245
For young teenage wear hair extra crazy,

716
00:50:41,329 --> 00:50:45,249
drink sake all night, puke in street.

717
00:50:45,333 --> 00:50:48,377
Combined viewer for Konichiwa TV,

718
00:50:48,462 --> 00:50:51,047
42 millions, I think.

719
00:50:51,173 --> 00:50:54,175
- Yes.
- Yes, yes, very impressive.

720
00:50:54,259 --> 00:50:56,761
Of course,
I'm familiar with the figures.

721
00:50:59,931 --> 00:51:01,934
However...

722
00:51:04,019 --> 00:51:07,730
...my offer for the group was made
in pounds sterling, not yen.

723
00:51:07,814 --> 00:51:11,192
But the recent rise of your currency
relative to the pound

724
00:51:11,276 --> 00:51:14,195
would raise my cost fully ten percent,

725
00:51:14,279 --> 00:51:17,114
and that, gentlemen,
is an obligation I never undertook

726
00:51:17,199 --> 00:51:20,701
and do not propose to undertake now.

727
00:51:29,294 --> 00:51:32,254
There is snow on the mountains
in the winter

728
00:51:32,339 --> 00:51:35,424
and the man, in despair,

729
00:51:35,509 --> 00:51:38,761
cannot walk to the next valley.

730
00:51:38,845 --> 00:51:43,474
But in spring, snow melts

731
00:51:43,558 --> 00:51:47,770
and is remembered in tranquillity.

732
00:51:49,189 --> 00:51:52,274
Right. Sure, OK, I got you.

733
00:51:52,359 --> 00:51:56,112
Yeah, see, what I think the big man here
is trying to tell you is

734
00:51:56,196 --> 00:51:59,573
he may have been tough on the price
and a real son of a bitch until now,

735
00:51:59,658 --> 00:52:03,828
but if you kind of party down with him
so he don't lose face,

736
00:52:03,912 --> 00:52:05,496
maybe things'll go your way.

737
00:52:05,580 --> 00:52:09,416
But he ain't about to say it straight
out and look like a wimp, right?

738
00:52:12,045 --> 00:52:14,463
If you really wanna
butter these boys up,

739
00:52:14,548 --> 00:52:17,383
you ought to invite them all
out to your house.

740
00:52:17,467 --> 00:52:20,553
You know, break some bread, mano a mano.

741
00:52:21,972 --> 00:52:24,974
Have 'em out for the gala,
why don't you?

742
00:52:25,058 --> 00:52:26,725
Maybe you're right.

743
00:52:26,893 --> 00:52:29,103
God, what a bore.

744
00:52:33,984 --> 00:52:35,943
Can't be so terribly difficult.

745
00:52:42,200 --> 00:52:43,868
Just one foot...

746
00:52:45,162 --> 00:52:46,829
...in front of the other.

747
00:52:46,913 --> 00:52:48,956
Let's go dancing!

748
00:53:33,585 --> 00:53:35,044
Oh, sod it.

749
00:53:35,128 --> 00:53:38,756
You're a bit of a marvel. I hope
you'll stay on, even after the gala.

750
00:53:38,882 --> 00:53:41,050
I could use somebody
with your qualities.

751
00:53:41,176 --> 00:53:43,636
Well, I guess I got qualities at that.

752
00:53:43,720 --> 00:53:47,640
That you do, Ms. Puznowski.
That you do.

753
00:53:47,724 --> 00:53:51,477
For Pete's sake, Lionel, this time I think
you really are trying to get me drunk,

754
00:53:51,561 --> 00:53:53,145
with all that rice wine an' all.

755
00:53:53,230 --> 00:53:55,689
Well, why not?
No more business this evening.

756
00:53:55,774 --> 00:53:58,067
This is a strictly social part
of the day.

757
00:53:58,151 --> 00:54:01,820
Let's get, as you might say, down,
I believe, shall we?

758
00:54:03,031 --> 00:54:07,409
- Say that one more time, please.
- Let us get down.

759
00:54:22,884 --> 00:54:24,969
Oh, bugger me.

760
00:54:35,021 --> 00:54:38,524
Well, Lionel,
tonight was real, real fun.

761
00:54:38,608 --> 00:54:40,859
That sounds like the past tense.

762
00:54:42,612 --> 00:54:44,863
The...

763
00:54:44,990 --> 00:54:47,616
Bloody tart!

764
00:54:53,456 --> 00:54:56,875
Well, that seems to have had
the desired effect.

765
00:54:58,253 --> 00:54:59,712
My pants.

766
00:55:00,672 --> 00:55:02,256
My bloody trousers!

767
00:55:04,259 --> 00:55:08,387
Lionel, you know,
this ain't the place to be...

768
00:55:08,471 --> 00:55:09,596
Nonsense.

769
00:55:09,681 --> 00:55:13,225
This is precisely what hotels are for.

770
00:55:13,310 --> 00:55:15,311
In the tree!

771
00:55:15,395 --> 00:55:17,438
- Taxi!
- My bloody trousers!

772
00:55:19,774 --> 00:55:25,279
Out snogging about when I'm trying
to bloody stay on plan.

773
00:55:30,201 --> 00:55:31,869
This is absurd.

774
00:56:01,483 --> 00:56:04,777
Good evening, madam.
I am terribly sorry.

775
00:56:04,861 --> 00:56:07,571
Tomorrow evening's Kirov Ballet
is quite sold out

776
00:56:07,655 --> 00:56:09,406
and it's the last performance.

777
00:56:09,491 --> 00:56:12,201
- Oh, my!
- Yes.

778
00:56:12,285 --> 00:56:15,079
Shall we try The Cherry Orchard
at the Duke of York's?

779
00:56:15,163 --> 00:56:17,164
- Yes, let's.
- Lovely.

780
00:56:17,248 --> 00:56:21,877
Lovely. Still just the one...
the one ticket?

781
00:56:21,961 --> 00:56:25,130
- Yes, just the one.
- Lovely. As you please.

782
00:56:25,215 --> 00:56:29,343
- Have a very nice evening.
- Yes, I shall try.

783
00:56:29,427 --> 00:56:33,138
Straight back into bed to do. My husband
doesn't arrive until Thursday.

784
00:56:34,223 --> 00:56:37,518
Of course, madam.
It must seem like an eternity.

785
00:56:40,980 --> 00:56:42,648
There.

786
00:57:03,586 --> 00:57:05,587
The vase.

787
00:57:07,841 --> 00:57:10,050
Just nipping down the hall for some ice.

788
00:57:28,278 --> 00:57:31,613
You can fly private,
but you still have to take the time.

789
00:57:31,698 --> 00:57:34,992
That's why you need a place like this
to lay your sleepy head.

790
00:57:35,118 --> 00:57:36,869
Oh, look. Here we are.

791
00:57:36,953 --> 00:57:40,497
Here we are. Well, thanks
for escorting me up, Lionel.

792
00:57:40,582 --> 00:57:43,834
I'm pretty tuckered out,
so I should probably just...

793
00:57:43,918 --> 00:57:46,920
- Nonsense. Let's have a nightcap.
- What?

794
00:57:47,005 --> 00:57:50,340
A nightcap, that's code, really,
for a bit more conversation

795
00:57:50,425 --> 00:57:54,011
- and then... who knows?
- Er...

796
00:57:54,095 --> 00:57:57,097
- Well...
- I'm making you uncomfortable.

797
00:57:57,182 --> 00:57:59,683
- Perhaps another time.
- Oh, no, that's fine.

798
00:57:59,809 --> 00:58:05,063
We should do it tonight, so here we go.
Let's go on in. You first.

799
00:58:05,148 --> 00:58:08,317
- What are you doing?
- What?

800
00:58:08,401 --> 00:58:11,111
- Evening, Mr. Deane.
- Evening.

801
00:58:12,947 --> 00:58:14,907
Hey, get your butt in here. Come on.

802
00:58:17,744 --> 00:58:20,871
Quite the extensive bar.
What are you having?

803
00:58:20,955 --> 00:58:23,582
Let me think about it.
I'll be right there.

804
00:58:23,666 --> 00:58:26,585
What are you doing here?
Where are your pants?

805
00:58:26,669 --> 00:58:30,047
There hanging on the tree downstairs.
What are you doing with Shabandar?

806
00:58:30,173 --> 00:58:31,715
They're what?

807
00:58:31,799 --> 00:58:34,927
Hanging on the tree downstairs.

808
00:58:35,011 --> 00:58:37,095
Good God, I can hardly put it
more plainly!

809
00:58:37,222 --> 00:58:39,848
There's Scotch, gin, Jägermeister...

810
00:58:39,933 --> 00:58:41,892
Why would you hang your pants
in a tree?

811
00:58:41,976 --> 00:58:44,561
- It ain't Christmas already.
- I didn't hang them there.

812
00:58:44,646 --> 00:58:46,730
Why did you invite Shabandar
to your room?

813
00:58:46,814 --> 00:58:50,067
Do your orgiastic impulses know no limits?
You've been drinking. Haven't you?

814
00:58:50,193 --> 00:58:54,071
If I wanna have a nightcap, well,
I am of drinking age and voting age

815
00:58:54,155 --> 00:58:56,198
and the age of consent.

816
00:58:56,282 --> 00:58:58,283
And I can have anyone I want
up to my room,

817
00:58:58,368 --> 00:59:01,245
cos you ain't your boarding house
cos you ain't paying for it no more anyways.

818
00:59:01,329 --> 00:59:05,082
- What? Are you jealous?
- Jealous? Don't be absurd.

819
00:59:05,166 --> 00:59:06,333
Champagne cooling.

820
00:59:06,543 --> 00:59:11,088
Are you coming out or are you slipping
into something more approachable?

821
00:59:11,172 --> 00:59:13,340
Yeah, that's it.

822
00:59:13,424 --> 00:59:15,968
All sense of shame
is well and truly atrophied.

823
00:59:16,052 --> 00:59:19,096
Not only do you not seek to disguise
your wanton behaviour...

824
00:59:19,264 --> 00:59:21,598
My behaviour? Why don't you go first?

825
00:59:21,683 --> 00:59:24,393
Why were you out on that ledge,
what was in that vase

826
00:59:24,477 --> 00:59:26,895
and why are your pants
hanging in a tree?

827
00:59:26,980 --> 00:59:31,066
You know you're a very suspicious person, really.
There was nothing in the vase.

828
00:59:31,150 --> 00:59:34,695
And as for the rest of it, it is involved,
but unlike your shenanigans,

829
00:59:34,779 --> 00:59:37,447
there's a sensible plan
governing my behaviour.

830
00:59:37,532 --> 00:59:40,909
- Jealous. Good God.
- Ready or not,

831
00:59:41,286 --> 00:59:43,203
here I have to come.

832
00:59:43,288 --> 00:59:45,455
I need to use the lavatory.

833
00:59:45,540 --> 00:59:49,585
But I shall respect your modesty.

834
00:59:53,673 --> 00:59:56,425
I don't suppose you could dash down
and get my trousers?

835
00:59:56,509 --> 01:00:00,012
You get out of here, Harry Deane.
You go get your own damn trousers.

836
01:00:00,096 --> 01:00:02,139
Well, thanks a lot.

837
01:00:03,600 --> 01:00:06,101
- So you don't have any ice, then?
- What?

838
01:00:06,185 --> 01:00:07,521
What did you say?

839
01:00:09,606 --> 01:00:10,981
What did you say?

840
01:00:11,941 --> 01:00:15,110
- Do we have any ice?
- No, not with champagne.

841
01:00:15,236 --> 01:00:17,237
Harry. Harry.

842
01:00:17,322 --> 01:00:21,325
- Harry.
- It's alright. I've practised.

843
01:00:22,327 --> 01:00:24,911
Are you decent?
I'm coming out.

844
01:00:28,666 --> 01:00:33,128
I've never told you, have I,
the story of the Shabandar lion?

845
01:00:34,505 --> 01:00:36,757
Oh! Wanker.

846
01:01:13,086 --> 01:01:16,213
Stroke of luck, madam. One ticket left
for The Cherry Orchard.

847
01:01:16,381 --> 01:01:19,549
- Third row in the stalls, aisle seat.
- Ah, wonderful.

848
01:01:19,634 --> 01:01:21,927
Splendid.
Book that for you straightaway.

849
01:01:22,011 --> 01:01:25,180
Oh, that's where it is. Excuse me.

850
01:01:25,264 --> 01:01:27,808
Housekeeping.

851
01:01:27,892 --> 01:01:29,893
Evening, Mr. Deane.

852
01:01:31,229 --> 01:01:33,230
Sometimes I wonder if they drink.

853
01:01:35,316 --> 01:01:36,942
Right, shan't bother you again

854
01:01:37,026 --> 01:01:41,154
and I'll tell switchboard to put
a Do Not Disturb on room 318.

855
01:01:44,826 --> 01:01:46,910
318?

856
01:01:52,709 --> 01:01:53,750
Good evening.

857
01:01:53,835 --> 01:01:56,128
Good evening, sir.
Did you find your glasses?

858
01:01:56,212 --> 01:01:58,171
Yes, thank you. Got 'em right here.

859
01:01:58,256 --> 01:02:00,674
Not forgetting anything else,
are we, sir?

860
01:02:00,758 --> 01:02:03,218
No, no, I shouldn't think so.

861
01:02:05,722 --> 01:02:09,725
- At least he's wearing a tie.
- Extraordinary fellow.

862
01:02:37,044 --> 01:02:39,254
Good morning.

863
01:02:44,469 --> 01:02:47,554
Harry Deane, are you spying on me?

864
01:02:47,638 --> 01:02:50,140
No, not at all.
It's just that seducing Shabandar,

865
01:02:50,224 --> 01:02:52,476
last I checked,
was not part of our plan.

866
01:02:52,560 --> 01:02:54,519
Well, like Momma always used to say,

867
01:02:54,604 --> 01:02:57,481
You should scratch it if it itches,
even if it's in your britches.

868
01:02:57,565 --> 01:03:01,109
Miss, I've had sufficient
of your mother's gnomic utterances.

869
01:03:01,194 --> 01:03:03,195
Relax, Harry.

870
01:03:03,279 --> 01:03:07,199
Face it, our little plan
ain't exactly operational any more.

871
01:03:07,283 --> 01:03:08,950
You're wrong.

872
01:03:09,035 --> 01:03:10,660
Look...

873
01:03:15,249 --> 01:03:19,544
We gotta have a little talk here.
See, there's two kinds of people.

874
01:03:19,629 --> 01:03:23,715
There's people like Lionel with big
deals and big cars and manners an' all,

875
01:03:23,800 --> 01:03:25,258
and there's people like us.

876
01:03:25,343 --> 01:03:28,261
Come on, look at you, running around
all desperate and cockamamie,

877
01:03:28,346 --> 01:03:31,807
pretending like you're gonna
take Lionel for a gazillion dollars.

878
01:03:31,891 --> 01:03:34,768
Well, Harry Deane,
it ain't gonna happen.

879
01:03:34,852 --> 01:03:39,064
You're not Lionel,
and why would you wanna be?

880
01:03:39,148 --> 01:03:40,857
You got your own thing going on,

881
01:03:40,942 --> 01:03:44,277
with all your art
and your beautiful little painting.

882
01:03:45,988 --> 01:03:49,115
But you gotta quit
trying to be something you're not.

883
01:03:49,909 --> 01:03:53,662
It's OK, you know.
You being you is... is OK.

884
01:03:55,665 --> 01:04:00,252
Look, I understand how certain
unforeseen wrinkles in my plans

885
01:04:00,336 --> 01:04:02,963
have conspired to diminish
your confidence in me.

886
01:04:03,631 --> 01:04:06,216
Consider that you might
still have an obligation,

887
01:04:06,342 --> 01:04:09,010
having incurred considerable expense,

888
01:04:09,095 --> 01:04:11,137
having pledged
a degree of cooperation

889
01:04:11,222 --> 01:04:16,101
and having...
having wounded me personally

890
01:04:16,185 --> 01:04:19,145
by fraternising with a man
who does not deserve your respect,

891
01:04:19,230 --> 01:04:21,815
who's a cynical manipulator
of those less powerful

892
01:04:21,899 --> 01:04:24,401
and who's a degenerate nudist at that.

893
01:04:24,485 --> 01:04:28,071
Only person I've seen traipsing round
London in their underwear is you.

894
01:04:28,155 --> 01:04:30,156
That is not the point.

895
01:04:32,326 --> 01:04:35,745
You know you sure do have nice eyes
for a fella who never smiles.

896
01:04:35,830 --> 01:04:39,124
Too bad you're all wrapped up
in your crazy scheme.

897
01:04:39,208 --> 01:04:43,503
Maybe you could ungrit your teeth
a little bit every once in a while.

898
01:04:47,383 --> 01:04:49,467
OK, I get it.

899
01:04:49,552 --> 01:04:54,931
I think it's trouble, but...
I'll play along at Lionel's party,

900
01:04:55,016 --> 01:04:57,350
if that's what you want.

901
01:04:57,435 --> 01:05:00,562
Yes, yes. Thank you, madam,
that is all I ask.

902
01:05:03,190 --> 01:05:06,735
And I'm certain after tonight, you shall
have reason to admire the skills

903
01:05:06,819 --> 01:05:11,197
of a reborn, reinvigorated
and surprisingly capable Harry Deane.

904
01:05:12,867 --> 01:05:14,868
If you say so.

905
01:05:36,432 --> 01:05:40,393
- Very good evening to you.
- You're most welcome.

906
01:05:45,900 --> 01:05:47,275
Thank you.

907
01:05:49,403 --> 01:05:53,239
There are moments in a life
that define a man.

908
01:05:53,324 --> 01:05:55,617
This was Mr. Deane's.

909
01:05:55,701 --> 01:05:57,786
He was sprung for action

910
01:05:57,870 --> 01:06:01,915
and yet perfectly capable
of blowing it completely.

911
01:06:01,999 --> 01:06:04,000
Here we go.

912
01:06:11,342 --> 01:06:12,926
Zowie.

913
01:06:19,934 --> 01:06:22,268
- This the painting?
- Painting's in the crate.

914
01:06:22,353 --> 01:06:25,063
This is my easel so I can have a look
at the bloody thing the best go up.

915
01:06:25,147 --> 01:06:28,233
You can uncrate the painting in the gallery.
I'll look at it up there.

916
01:06:28,317 --> 01:06:33,113
Managed to get hold of the guest list.
No sign of Zaidenweber, thank God.

917
01:06:33,197 --> 01:06:36,324
You should go, Major.
No reason to put yourself at risk.

918
01:06:36,409 --> 01:06:38,368
You know where to find me.

919
01:06:38,452 --> 01:06:40,412
Good luck, old thing.

920
01:06:52,133 --> 01:06:54,009
- Howdy.
- Good evening.

921
01:06:54,093 --> 01:06:56,386
- Hey, there. Great mask.
- Thank you.

922
01:06:56,470 --> 01:06:58,471
- Hi.
- Good evening.

923
01:07:04,061 --> 01:07:05,603
I'm so glad you could make it

924
01:07:05,688 --> 01:07:09,399
and that you've decided
to consummate our little transaction.

925
01:07:09,483 --> 01:07:13,069
Perhaps you might allow me try to do
the same with our other little affair.

926
01:07:13,154 --> 01:07:15,113
You can try all you want, Shabby.

927
01:07:15,197 --> 01:07:17,032
Shabby.

928
01:07:17,116 --> 01:07:21,202
- Shabandar-san!
- Oh, Christ.

929
01:07:21,287 --> 01:07:23,747
It is I, Chuck.

930
01:07:24,290 --> 01:07:27,959
We wish to thank you for extending

931
01:07:28,044 --> 01:07:31,046
of your hospitality
of your extra-big house.

932
01:07:31,130 --> 01:07:36,676
Oh, yes, quite. Delighted.
I see you managed to find the bar.

933
01:07:36,761 --> 01:07:40,346
And if you're hungry,
there's a big old spread over there.

934
01:07:40,431 --> 01:07:42,599
Our boy Lionel pulled out all the stops.

935
01:07:42,683 --> 01:07:44,434
Many thanks, Ms. Puzkoza.

936
01:07:55,279 --> 01:07:57,989
- Hey, Harry.
- Oh, Deane.

937
01:07:58,074 --> 01:08:01,034
You know, they probably think
you're pretty strange too, Lionel,

938
01:08:01,118 --> 01:08:03,912
what with you being a nudist an' all.

939
01:08:03,996 --> 01:08:06,122
What with my being a what?

940
01:08:06,207 --> 01:08:08,666
- A nudist.
- Nothing wrong with that, is there, sir?

941
01:08:08,751 --> 01:08:11,961
Hell, no. I think
it's real relaxing going naked.

942
01:08:12,046 --> 01:08:14,047
What the devil are you talking about?

943
01:08:14,131 --> 01:08:17,884
I understood you to have said once
that you attended the Eden Retreat.

944
01:08:17,968 --> 01:08:21,137
That isn't a nudist gathering.
Somebody's been having you on, Deane.

945
01:08:21,222 --> 01:08:24,182
It's one of the most formal gatherings
you could possibly imagine.

946
01:08:24,266 --> 01:08:27,435
You see once again, Deane,
you have things arse backwards.

947
01:08:27,520 --> 01:08:30,897
- Yes, I understand, sir. I apologise.
- Just forget it.

948
01:08:30,981 --> 01:08:34,818
Deane... we really need
to have a private talk.

949
01:08:34,902 --> 01:08:37,112
There is something
I have to discuss with you.

950
01:08:37,238 --> 01:08:38,738
Hey, you boys get your bellies full?

951
01:08:38,823 --> 01:08:42,325
Blast, here they come again.
You see I really would rather not have to talk to them at all.

952
01:08:42,409 --> 01:08:45,495
- Can't we just do business?
- I can take care of these old boys.

953
01:08:45,579 --> 01:08:48,081
And I shall just pop up
and examine the painting.

954
01:08:48,165 --> 01:08:51,251
Gentlemen.
Found some nourishment, I see.

955
01:08:52,795 --> 01:08:57,715
Have you boys heard of a little thing
called live karaoke?

956
01:09:08,561 --> 01:09:12,272
<i>♪ How lucky can one guy be? ♪</i>

957
01:09:12,356 --> 01:09:15,066
<i>♪ I kissed her and she kissed me ♪</i>

958
01:09:15,985 --> 01:09:18,153
<i>♪ Like a fella once said ♪</i>

959
01:09:18,237 --> 01:09:21,281
<i>♪ Ain't that a kick in the head? ♪</i>

960
01:09:23,325 --> 01:09:26,744
<i>♪ The room was completely black ♪</i>

961
01:09:32,543 --> 01:09:35,253
Thank you, gents. That'll do.

962
01:10:00,196 --> 01:10:01,362
Hmm.

963
01:10:01,447 --> 01:10:05,366
Whoo! Let me tell you
a little bit about Texas.

964
01:10:05,451 --> 01:10:10,538
<i>♪ The stars at night are big and bright ♪</i>

965
01:10:10,623 --> 01:10:13,625
<i>♪ Deep in the heart of Texas ♪</i>

966
01:10:15,085 --> 01:10:19,005
<i>♪ The prairie sky is wide and high ♪</i>

967
01:10:28,891 --> 01:10:31,351
Yippee-ai!

968
01:10:31,435 --> 01:10:34,854
<i>♪ Deep in the heart of Texas ♪</i>

969
01:10:39,068 --> 01:10:42,779
That's my boys!
Deep in the heart of Texas!

970
01:10:56,460 --> 01:10:59,712
Assuming I close this deal,
may we conclude yours as well?

971
01:10:59,797 --> 01:11:01,172
The painting arrived, yes?

972
01:11:01,257 --> 01:11:03,466
Harry told you
he was going upstairs to take a look at it.

973
01:11:03,550 --> 01:11:07,053
No, he couldn't have.
My security's on, you see.

974
01:11:07,137 --> 01:11:08,221
Your security?

975
01:11:08,305 --> 01:11:11,140
It's quite an ingenious system.
I dreamt it up myself.

976
01:11:11,225 --> 01:11:13,601
I hope he's not stupid enough
to have gone up there.

977
01:11:13,686 --> 01:11:15,645
Then again,
we are talking about Deane.

978
01:11:47,970 --> 01:11:50,221
Oh. Shit.

979
01:11:52,474 --> 01:11:54,392
Go away.

980
01:11:56,436 --> 01:11:57,895
No, there's no need for that.

981
01:12:00,065 --> 01:12:01,482
Now, stop it.

982
01:12:03,736 --> 01:12:05,069
Stop it. Oh!

983
01:12:05,154 --> 01:12:06,654
Harry?

984
01:12:08,824 --> 01:12:10,825
Damn.

985
01:12:12,286 --> 01:12:14,829
OK, Harry,
I'm gonna have to take him down.

986
01:12:15,456 --> 01:12:17,582
Ya! Come on, big boy!

987
01:12:19,043 --> 01:12:22,337
Bad lion! Bad lion! Come on!

988
01:12:23,380 --> 01:12:25,548
Heel! Come on!

989
01:12:33,265 --> 01:12:34,807
To the deal, then.

990
01:12:36,810 --> 01:12:38,686
Banzai!

991
01:12:38,771 --> 01:12:40,772
Oh!

992
01:12:46,904 --> 01:12:49,530
Well, that's that.

993
01:12:50,699 --> 01:12:53,284
- Are you sure he's secure?
- That's a double granny.

994
01:12:53,369 --> 01:12:54,952
He can't work out of that.

995
01:12:57,122 --> 01:13:00,666
Ms. Puznowski,
your timing is impeccable.

996
01:13:00,751 --> 01:13:02,585
Thank you.

997
01:13:02,669 --> 01:13:05,004
Yeah, well, I can handle anything
that's got four legs.

998
01:13:05,089 --> 01:13:06,881
Once you trip 'em up, they're gravy.

999
01:13:06,965 --> 01:13:09,050
As your momma used to say.

1000
01:13:09,134 --> 01:13:11,511
I'm going to get somebody
to deal with him.

1001
01:13:18,519 --> 01:13:20,478
Hey, Shabby.

1002
01:13:20,562 --> 01:13:22,438
Where on earth have you been?

1003
01:13:22,523 --> 01:13:23,689
Well...

1004
01:13:27,486 --> 01:13:30,988
God, Deane,
this is so typical of you.

1005
01:13:31,073 --> 01:13:34,659
What on earth were you doing larking
about up here creating a nuisance?

1006
01:13:34,743 --> 01:13:37,745
More than a nuisance,
a bloody dangerous situation.

1007
01:13:37,830 --> 01:13:40,456
PJ could well have been mauled,
and all to no end.

1008
01:13:40,541 --> 01:13:44,877
I'm sorry, sir, but it's hardly say to no end. It is my job to ensure
after all the integrity of the collection.

1009
01:13:44,962 --> 01:13:46,921
Sorry, Deane, it isn't your job.

1010
01:13:47,005 --> 01:13:49,298
Sorry to have to break it to you
like this,

1011
01:13:49,383 --> 01:13:51,467
but we're knocking it on the head.

1012
01:13:51,552 --> 01:13:54,429
I've got a new man.
It was a bloody chore hiring him.

1013
01:13:54,513 --> 01:13:56,597
I had to advance him two years' salary.

1014
01:13:58,267 --> 01:14:00,893
- Zaidenweber?
- Zaidenweber.

1015
01:14:13,949 --> 01:14:16,033
I am pleased to inspect.

1016
01:14:16,160 --> 01:14:19,454
- Inspect yes, fine, but I hardly think you're the right...
- Stand down, Deane.

1017
01:14:26,253 --> 01:14:29,464
How does it look, Martin?
What do you say?

1018
01:14:35,929 --> 01:14:38,848
Ja. Almost incredible.

1019
01:14:39,558 --> 01:14:42,727
Almost incredible.

1020
01:14:44,062 --> 01:14:45,897
But...

1021
01:14:57,326 --> 01:14:59,368
Yeah.

1022
01:15:00,621 --> 01:15:02,288
The painting is in order.

1023
01:15:02,372 --> 01:15:04,790
- It's beautiful, isn't it?
- Hm-hmm.

1024
01:15:04,875 --> 01:15:07,627
The brush strokes. The impasto.

1025
01:15:07,711 --> 01:15:11,339
Everything is just quite the way
it should be.

1026
01:15:11,423 --> 01:15:14,300
And there are certain things, you know,
that you cannot phoney up.

1027
01:15:14,384 --> 01:15:18,471
Gross depiction, maybe, but
the finer fingerprints of technique, no,

1028
01:15:18,555 --> 01:15:20,473
absolutely not, you cannot, no.

1029
01:15:20,557 --> 01:15:25,061
I mean, this is, I have to say,
really quite bloody marvellous.

1030
01:15:25,187 --> 01:15:27,772
This is authentic.

1031
01:15:27,856 --> 01:15:31,734
Now, you can do tests
until your testicles are cerulean blue,

1032
01:15:31,818 --> 01:15:34,946
but there is no doubt in my mind.

1033
01:15:35,030 --> 01:15:37,198
- Alright, then.
- Bollocks.

1034
01:15:40,994 --> 01:15:42,828
- I beg your pardon?
- Bollocks.

1035
01:15:42,913 --> 01:15:44,121
Excuse me?

1036
01:15:46,375 --> 01:15:52,338
Anyone with an eye can see
that something is amiss here.

1037
01:15:52,422 --> 01:15:54,340
What the devil are you?

1038
01:15:56,133 --> 01:15:58,094
Harry!

1039
01:16:00,430 --> 01:16:02,890
Fake.

1040
01:16:02,975 --> 01:16:06,185
The impasto is a caricature
of Monet's actual brush handling,

1041
01:16:06,311 --> 01:16:08,521
which was infinitely more subtle.

1042
01:16:08,605 --> 01:16:11,774
And as far as I'm aware,
Monet never painted over

1043
01:16:11,858 --> 01:16:14,277
a rather hackneyed portrait of...

1044
01:16:22,828 --> 01:16:23,953
Martin.

1045
01:16:27,499 --> 01:16:29,500
I'm disappointed.

1046
01:16:37,634 --> 01:16:39,844
Imagine how I feel.

1047
01:16:45,392 --> 01:16:48,311
Auf Wiedersehen, meine Lieblinge.

1048
01:16:54,234 --> 01:16:57,778
And as for you, you're either
rather clever or not clever enough.

1049
01:16:57,863 --> 01:17:01,449
Either way, it's clear
that you're of no further use to me.

1050
01:17:01,533 --> 01:17:03,909
Speaking of clever, what did you expect?

1051
01:17:03,994 --> 01:17:06,287
It was hanging on a wall
in a trailer in Texas.

1052
01:17:06,371 --> 01:17:10,416
And besides,
I was never gonna be any use to you.

1053
01:17:10,500 --> 01:17:14,128
Well, no harm done.

1054
01:17:15,797 --> 01:17:19,884
Just a bit of a waste of time,
that's all.

1055
01:17:19,968 --> 01:17:23,304
Well, Deane, against expectations,

1056
01:17:23,388 --> 01:17:25,765
you seem to know
what you're on about rather.

1057
01:17:25,849 --> 01:17:28,309
You will continue in the job.

1058
01:17:28,393 --> 01:17:30,978
- Now, if you'll excuse me...
- I think not, sir.

1059
01:17:34,316 --> 01:17:35,524
You think not what?

1060
01:17:35,609 --> 01:17:38,694
I think not regarding
continuing in the job.

1061
01:17:38,779 --> 01:17:41,072
I'm afraid I can no longer
render services

1062
01:17:41,156 --> 01:17:45,326
to a man who'd wilfully insult
the intelligence and moral character

1063
01:17:45,410 --> 01:17:48,371
of a woman I have so come
to admire and respect.

1064
01:17:52,793 --> 01:17:54,794
You are a boor, sir.

1065
01:17:55,962 --> 01:17:59,048
And a bully. And I've had enough.

1066
01:17:59,132 --> 01:18:01,717
So I'll just gather my kit...

1067
01:18:04,137 --> 01:18:07,682
...and bid you a semi-fond farewell.

1068
01:18:08,934 --> 01:18:10,851
Ms. Puznowski, may I see you out?

1069
01:18:12,688 --> 01:18:14,689
Yes, you may.

1070
01:18:15,399 --> 01:18:16,857
Excuse me.

1071
01:18:20,028 --> 01:18:21,654
You know, Harry Deane,

1072
01:18:21,738 --> 01:18:24,865
for an Englishman, you sure do have
some big old cojones.

1073
01:18:36,128 --> 01:18:39,922
They say
you can't put a price on dignity,

1074
01:18:40,006 --> 01:18:43,592
but if you could, in Harry Deane's case,

1075
01:18:43,677 --> 01:18:48,097
it would be approximately £11 million.

1076
01:18:48,181 --> 01:18:50,850
Well, that didn't go
exactly according to plan.

1077
01:18:52,477 --> 01:18:56,605
I know it sounds funny coming from me,
but now I wish you'd let him buy it.

1078
01:18:56,690 --> 01:18:58,858
I just couldn't help myself, you know?

1079
01:18:58,942 --> 01:19:00,693
Hear, hear.

1080
01:19:01,528 --> 01:19:03,362
I'll make it up to you, I promise.

1081
01:19:03,488 --> 01:19:05,865
No, no, you did your bit.
I owe you your wages.

1082
01:19:09,244 --> 01:19:10,494
Here we are.

1083
01:19:12,622 --> 01:19:14,623
Well, here we are.

1084
01:19:35,312 --> 01:19:37,354
Your tickets.

1085
01:19:37,481 --> 01:19:40,566
- I regret that it's economy.
- Unrestricted.

1086
01:19:45,322 --> 01:19:49,950
- Well, goodbye, Harry.
- Goodbye.

1087
01:20:00,754 --> 01:20:02,129
Come here.

1088
01:20:06,843 --> 01:20:08,844
- Major.
- Madam.

1089
01:20:23,235 --> 01:20:24,985
Shall we, Major?

1090
01:20:30,200 --> 01:20:31,492
No problems, then, sir?

1091
01:20:31,576 --> 01:20:34,203
Security was a little tougher
than I'd anticipated.

1092
01:20:34,287 --> 01:20:36,789
But you had time
to make the switch?

1093
01:20:36,873 --> 01:20:39,625
Oh, yes.
Shabandar will never suspect.

1094
01:20:39,709 --> 01:20:41,085
Beautiful work, Major.

1095
01:20:41,169 --> 01:20:43,379
- On which one?
- Both of them.

1096
01:20:43,463 --> 01:20:47,216
Although I'm afraid I had to destroy
your Dusk to prove it was a fake.

1097
01:20:47,300 --> 01:20:50,261
Understood, sir. No hard feelings.

1098
01:20:58,103 --> 01:21:02,940
Thoughtful of this gentleman to make
the trip. It ain't major. Saves us going to Japan.

1099
01:21:04,860 --> 01:21:06,193
Mr. Takagawa.

1100
01:21:06,278 --> 01:21:08,320
- Hello, Harry.
- Hello, Charlie.

1101
01:21:08,405 --> 01:21:10,614
Hello, Major. Hello, Harry, everything alright?

1102
01:21:10,699 --> 01:21:13,826
- Everything according to plan. Ain't I, Major?
- Right you are, Mr. Deane.

1103
01:21:14,995 --> 01:21:16,179
Very good.

1104
01:21:22,711 --> 01:21:25,296
Mr. Takagawa wants to thank you.

1105
01:21:25,380 --> 01:21:28,883
He says he has been waiting 18 years
for this moment.

1106
01:21:30,209 --> 01:21:31,844
Not at all. Pleasure to have done it.

1107
01:21:34,347 --> 01:21:35,681
Oh, yes.

1108
01:21:35,765 --> 01:21:38,893
I'm clever. But look.

1109
01:21:39,895 --> 01:21:42,396
Monet.

1110
01:21:42,480 --> 01:21:47,067
Inimitable. Though no doubt
your version will satisfy Shabandar.

1111
01:21:51,156 --> 01:21:53,490
He assures me
the transfer has been made.

1112
01:21:53,617 --> 01:21:55,826
The money should now be
in your Swiss account.

1113
01:21:55,911 --> 01:21:58,120
- Excellent.
- Hello?

1114
01:21:58,204 --> 01:22:00,205
Major?

1115
01:22:01,249 --> 01:22:03,751
It's gone through.

1116
01:22:03,835 --> 01:22:05,920
So much better
than having to count it all.

1117
01:22:06,004 --> 01:22:09,757
I'd have got it all bollocksed up
before I got to ten million.

1118
01:22:09,841 --> 01:22:12,301
- Thank you, gentlemen.
- Thank you, Harry.

1119
01:22:13,470 --> 01:22:16,263
Has anyone given you anything
to take on your flight today?

1120
01:22:16,348 --> 01:22:18,390
- No, ma'am.
- Thank you.

1121
01:22:35,867 --> 01:22:37,868
Oh, Harry Deane.

1122
01:22:39,746 --> 01:22:41,997
You'll see
she gets what we owe her?

1123
01:22:42,082 --> 01:22:45,751
Certainly, sir.
And should we upgrade her ticket?

1124
01:22:45,835 --> 01:22:48,003
Yes, why don't we?

1125
01:22:48,088 --> 01:22:50,839
- Bit of an extravagance.
- Oh, well.

1126
01:22:51,925 --> 01:22:54,426
How will you explain it?

1127
01:22:54,552 --> 01:22:57,012
You know me, Major.
I'll think of something.

1128
01:22:58,598 --> 01:23:00,599
Fancy trying your hand at Picasso?

1129
01:23:00,725 --> 01:23:02,851
Do you think we'd find a use for it?

1130
01:23:02,936 --> 01:23:05,771
Seems Donald Trump
is obsessed with the fellow.

1131
01:23:05,855 --> 01:23:08,774
And there's many a billionaire in Texas.

1132
01:23:08,858 --> 01:23:10,109
Mr. Deane.

1133
01:23:10,193 --> 01:23:14,405
Oh, yes, Major.
The opportunities are endless.

1134
01:23:41,725 --> 01:23:45,102
<i>♪ How lucky can one guy be? ♪</i>

1135
01:23:45,186 --> 01:23:48,772
<i>♪ I kissed her and she kissed me ♪</i>

1136
01:23:48,857 --> 01:23:51,025
<i>♪ Like a fella once said ♪</i>

1137
01:23:51,109 --> 01:23:54,153
<i>♪ Ain't that a kick in the head? ♪</i>

1138
01:23:56,239 --> 01:23:59,033
<i>♪ The room was completely black ♪</i>

1139
01:23:59,743 --> 01:24:03,120
<i>♪ I hugged her and she hugged back ♪</i>

1140
01:24:03,204 --> 01:24:08,333
<i>♪ Like a sailor said, quote,
"Ain't that a hole in the boat?" ♪</i>

1141
01:24:09,586 --> 01:24:12,629
<i>♪ My head keeps spinning ♪</i>

1142
01:24:12,756 --> 01:24:16,175
<i>♪ I go to sleep and keep grinning ♪</i>

1143
01:24:16,259 --> 01:24:19,762
<i>♪ If this is just the beginning ♪</i>

1144
01:24:19,846 --> 01:24:24,725
<i>♪ My life is gonna be beautiful ♪</i>

1145
01:24:24,809 --> 01:24:28,353
<i>♪ She's telling me we'll be wed ♪</i>

1146
01:24:28,438 --> 01:24:31,356
<i>♪ She's picked out a king-size bed ♪</i>

1147
01:24:32,067 --> 01:24:35,152
<i>♪ I couldn't feel any better ♪</i>

1148
01:24:35,278 --> 01:24:37,237
<i>♪ Or I'd be sick ♪</i>

1149
01:24:38,823 --> 01:24:40,824
<i>♪ Tell me quick ♪</i>

1150
01:24:41,993 --> 01:24:43,994
<i>♪ Oh, ain't that a kick? ♪</i>

1151
01:24:46,081 --> 01:24:47,831
<i>♪ Tell me quick ♪</i>

1152
01:24:47,916 --> 01:24:53,337
<i>♪ Ain't that a kick in the head? ♪</i>