''Dark phrases of womanhood Of never having been a girl
-''Half-note scattered without rhythm -''Without rhythm
''No tune distraught
''Her laughter falling over A black girl's shoulders
-''lt's funny -''Funny
''lt's hysterical The melodylessness of her dance
''Don't tell nobody Don't tell a soul
-''She's dancing on beer cans and shingles -''Beer cans and shingles
''This must be the spook house
''Another song with no singers Lyrics, no voices
''And uninterrupted solos Unseen performances
''Are we ghouls?
-''Children of horror? -''Children of horror?
''The joke? Don't tell nobody, don't tell a soul
''Are we animals?
-''Have we gone crazy? -''Have we gone crazy?
''l can't hear anything
''But maddening screams and the soft strains of death
''And you promised me
''You promised somebody, anybody
-''Sing a black girl's song -''Sing a black girl's song
''Bring her out to know herself To know you
-''But sing her rhythms caring, struggle -''Caring, struggle
''Hard times sing her song of life
''She's been dead so long
-''Closed in silence so long -''ln silence so long
''She doesn't know the sound Of her own voice, her infinite beauty
''She's half-notes scattered without rhythm No tune
''Sing her sighs
''Sing the song of her possibilities
''Sing a righteous gospel Let her be born
-''Let her be born and handled warmly -''Let her be born and handled warmly
-''And this is for colored girls -''ls for colored girls
-''Who have considered suicide -''Considered suicide
''But moved to the ends of their own rainbows''
What you got to eat?
''l've got a lot of work to do and l can't with a man around
''Here's your clothes, there's some coffee on the stove
''There's a paper cup
''lt's been very nice But l can't see you again''
What did you say to me?
''You got what you came for, didn't you?
''l couldn't possibly wake up with a strange man in my bed.
''Why don't you go home?''
l'm sure your wife is looking for you.
Yeah. You know what?
You know what? lt's not even worth it.
Crazy-ass bitch. Where my shoes at?
l'm looking for a Crystal Wallace.
-Yes? -Miss Wallace?
My name is Kelly Watkins. l'm with Child Welfare Services.
What can l do for you?
l need to discuss the safety of your children.
Safety of my children? What you talking about?
Miss Wallace, please, open the door,
or l'm required by law to come back here with the police.
512.
Hold it!
Thank you.
Miss Wallace, no elevator?
lt's a walkup.
lt's a walkup. She kidding?
Frank? Frank, open the door, l know you are in there.
Franklin!
You got a woman in there? l'm tired of this, you know? l am sick of your shit.
''Without any assistance Or guidance from you
''l have loved you assiduously For eight months, two weeks and a day
''l've been stood up four times
''Left seven packages on your doorstep 40 poems
''Two plants, three handmade note cards And l had to leave town to send them
''But you've been no help to me on my job
''You call at 3:00 in the morning On weekdays
''Charming, charming But you have been of no assistance
''l want you to know This has been an experiment
''To see how selfish l could be
''To see if l could really carry on Or to snare a possible lover
''To see if l was capable of debasing myself For the love of another
''To see if l could stand not being wanted When l want to be wanted, and l cannot
''So, without any further assistance Or guidance from you
''l am ending this affair
''There's a note attached to a plant that l've been watering since the day l met you
''You may water it your damn self''
-Good morning. -Good morning, Miss Gilda.
ls somebody coming up?
You know somebody's coming up, Miss Gilda.
Who is it? ls that Beau Willie?
Can you get my mail when you go downstairs?
Yeah, l'll get it.
You're gonna clean that up.
-lt's dust. lt will blow away. -Everything don't blow like you.
Got a lot of men coming through your house.
You jealous 'cause you don't have no men coming at all.
Why don't you mind your business? Your old ass better leave me alone.
You have been the bane of my existence since they voted you apartment manager.
Shit.
l can't stand that heifer. Just a tramp.
Coming in here all hours of the day and night, these men.
-l'll talk to you later, Miss Gilda. -Okay.
Hi.
-l need to start exercising again. -You just did.
Can l get you some water?
That'd be nice.
-l told the doctor she was okay. -Yeah, l understand that,
but any time a child is seen repeatedly in the emergency room,
we have to make a home visit.
lt's just a bruise.
Where are the children?
Come on. Come on, baby. Come on out.
Hi. Hi, you must be Kenya.
-Are you Kenya? -Yes.
And are you Kwame, then?
-l like your dress. -Thank you.
-ls that the children's father? -Yes. He's sleeping.
Come on over here.
l just have a few questions for you.
So, l'm Miss Watkins.
Do you remember when you got hurt the other day?
Can you tell me how that happened?
l just fall down.
lt's all right, baby. What?
You want.. . Let's go find that toy, okay? Come on. Come on. Come on, sweetheart.
Who are you?
My name is Kelly Watkins from Child Welfare Services.
Child welfare?
Ain't this a bitch? l called six months ago to get my veterans benefits.
l can't get a case worker, and you.. .
How the fuck you gonna come down here for some damn kids?
-Sir, the city is very concerned.. . -l've been asking them bastards!
l defended this damn country so you can have this job,
and you gonna come in here with this bullshit.
Come in here about some damn kids. What the fuck is wrong with you?
Get the fuck out of here!
Hey, come here.
Diaz, can you call me back about the Wallace house, please, right away?
lt's not her that's hurting them kids. lt's him. l babysit them. l know.
l can hear everything through this wall. That's why l called you.
-You called? -Yes.
She can't protect them from him.
Ever since he came back from the war he's been crazy,
and he drinks like a fish.
''Came home crazy as hell
''Went to Veterans Affairs To try to go to school
''But they kept right on Putting him in remedial classes
''He couldn't read worth a damn
''So Beau accused the teachers Of trying to hold him back
''Went and got himself a gypsy cab to drive But the cab kept breaking down
''Cops was always messing with him
''And then Crystal went And got pregnant again
''He most beat her to death When she told him
''She still got a scar under her right tit Where he cut her up''
Do her a favor, take them kids.
-Thank you, ma'am. -Yes, yes.
-What? What? -l need money.
-For what? -Things.
l gave you money on the first.
-l still need some things. -For what?
Do you know how hard it is to come up here to have to ask you for anything?
-Then stop doing it. -l wouldn't if l didn't have to.
What do you need money for?
Granddaddy put me in charge of his little will
'cause he knew you would give all of it to that cult.
lt is not a cult.
You would know that if you spent any time down at the Temple of Elnohim.
What is it that you don't understand? l'm not giving you any money.
You are gonna rot in hell!
So, if l give you money, l'm blessed of Elnohim,
and if l don't, l'm gonna burn in hell, that it?
l'm praying that you see God
through the mists of the distances that Satan has put in your heart.
Goodbye, Alice.
He has deceived you. He has deceived you! Lured you with deception!
Repent! Repent!
Praise Elnohim.
-Praise Elnohim. -This one in particular, her name is Nyla.
And l really think that she.. .
God bless you.
God bless you. God bless you.
The golden kingdom awaits you.
You just bought your way out of hell for a dollar.
l guess l did.
Yeah, so go ahead, you were talking about the girls.
lt's so great. You should meet some of them. They have so much hope.
And they're getting that from dance.
l love how your face lights up when you talk about them.
Yeah, l know, they excite me.
You know, most of my girls graduate from high school and go on to college.
-That's amazing. -lt is.
What?
No. lt's just that every day since l met you two weeks ago we walk this route.
l go off to work, you go off to your dance class,
and you still haven't answered my question.
Bill, l told you.
Do you know how much courage it took for me to step to you on a crowded subway?
-Come on now. -l just got out of a bad relationship.
l'm not trying to marry you. l just want to take you to a nice dinner.
-l'm gonna be late for my class. -Okay, l see how it is.
What?
You're one of those people who only give. You never let anyone give to you.
Okay. Dinner. Tomorrow night.
8:00. Tonight.
-Okay. See you tonight. -lt's gonna be great.
''lt was graduation night And l was the only virgin in the crowd
''Bobby Mills, Martin, Jerome, Sammy Yates Eddie Jones and Randy
''All cousins
''They pick me up in a black Buick Smelling of alcohol and ladies in heat
''We rambled from Camden to Mount Holly Laughing at the afternoon's speeches
''Our tassels dangling From the rearview mirror
''Climbing different sort of project stairs
''We went to a party and l got drunk
''And couldn't figure out Whose hand was on my thigh
''But it didn't matter because these cousins Martin, Eddie, Sammy, Jerome and Bobby
''Was my sweethearts alternately Since the seventh grade
''So, me and my fellas, we was dancing
''Doing nasty old tricks That l had been thinking about since May
''lt was graduation night So, it had to be hot
''So, l had to make like my hips Was getting in some business
''That way everybody thought Whoever was getting it
''Was an older man who couldn't Run the streets with no youngsters
''The party got crazy and me and Bobby Left the party before the police came
''And we were in the backseat of his Buick
''And, girl, he started looking at me
''Yeah, he started looking at me real strange
''Like l was a woman or something
''And he started talking real soft ln the backseat of that old Buick
''And by the time the sun was coming up
''l just couldn't stop grinning
''Girl, you gave it up in the back of a Buick?''
You better be talking about a ride to school.
-We are. -Have you done your warm-ups?
-Yes. -Yes.
Yes? So, everyone ready to begin?
Positions, from one.
And five, six, seven, eight.
No. And again.
Five, six, seven, eight.
And Nyla.. . And spin.
Nice.
Keep going, ladies. Keep going. Sorry.
Are you okay?
Yeah, l'm just.. . l'm just a little nauseous. l don't know what it is.
l think you're just nervous about college and being on your own.
l've seen this before. Hey, you'll be fine. You're a smart girl.
Come on, l'll get you a ginger ale.
Excuse me.
-Coffee. -Thanks.
Unit's centered in the vicinity of 135th Street,
be on the lookout for a silver BMW parked in an alleyway.
Possible illicit activity. Over.
This is Officers Watkins and Moreno. We'll check it out.
Resuming normal radio traffic.
Ten-six unit's on check.
-Get out of the car, sir. -You're under arrest.
-She's ready to see me? -l'm sorry, it'll be just a few more minutes.
-Where is Crystal? -She called. She's on her way.
-Does it take that long to make tea? -l've got it right here.
-l'm sorry, she'll be right with you. -Honey, l'm the one sorry for you.
This is boring, boring, boring. These are all boring.
lt's boring.
The desk.
This is all boring.
Robe Rouge is a magazine. lt is not a Web site.
We need for this.. . Look, this layout.. .
This layout needs to pop. lt needs to be lush.
We need to make our readers want to buy.
Go back to the drawing board, give me something with some sort of style,
because this isn't it. l don't like this, not one bit.
-What about putting Rihanna on the cover? -No, that's not gonna work.
All right.
l'm so sorry.
Look who finally decides to show up at work.
So tell me, Crystal, what was it this time?
You overslept, the babysitter didn't show up. What is it?
l'm sorry.
You know, l have my limits, even for very good assistants.
Yes, ma'am.
-Katina, where's my binder? -Yes, l left it here on your desk.
l knew you would need it for your meeting this morning.
-And my circulation reports? -Circulation reports are attached.
And your 9:00 is here.
9:00? lt's 10:00.
You agreed to meet with Juanita Sims. She runs a non-profit organization.
-Shall l ask her in? -lt's fine. Fine.
-Juanita Sims. -Hi!
l'm Juanita Sims, and l'm so glad you took this meeting.
Now l'll be quick, because l know you're very busy.
l read in your magazine about your upbringing.
l just knew that this would be a program that you would respond to.
First of all, l'm a nurse, and l have just opened a free health and wellness clinic
in a community center in one of the poorest neighborhoods in this city.
Forgive me. l'm just a little nervous.
-As you know.. . -Where do l come in?
Well.. .
lt's a little non-profit, and everything l do l do out of my own pocket and.. .
Let me stop you right now.
l give to cancer, l give to Africa, l give to education.
-Those are my charities of choice. -Well, those are all very good charities,
but there is so much need in our own community.
''Our?''
We are all afforded the same opportunities in ''our'' community.
What they do with theirs, it is not my issue. Your answer is no. End of conversation.
-End of conversation? -Crystal, show Miss Simmons out.
-lt's Sims. Miss Juanita Sims. -Right this way.
No.
l've been waiting out there in that damn lobby of yours
for over an hour for you.
Now, it's cool, you don't want to give any money, l get that.
But this attitude, this blatant disrespect for other people's time and feelings,
well, honey, that's just ridiculous. Does it take all of this for you to be that?
Then, honey, if it does, then you may be paying just a little too much.
And l can see myself out of this tacky-ass place.
Ain't got no color up in here, all this white. No color up in this place, including you.
Tacky-ass heifer. Wait till l tell everybody how tacky you are.
l can show my own self out, thank you very much.
How do l open this damn door?
This is why you haven't been able to conceive.
Your fallopian tubes are scarred here and here.
We usually see this form from a pelvis infection that was once untreated.
What was once untreated?
-Should we talk alone? -No, it's okay.
An untreated STD can cause this issue.
ls there a surgery or something that we could.. .
l honestly wouldn't recommend it. lt's very risky.
Right. Okay. Excuse me.
Thank you, Doctor.
Babe.
-Babe. lt's okay. Would you.. . -l'm sorry l have to go to work.
Would you talk to me?
Do you know how hard it is looking at all those people
who do not want the children that they have? And we.. .
-Okay, let's talk about it. -Let's talk later, okay?
We'll talk later.
-l love you. -l love you, too.
Now, first off, these condoms are free, okay? They're free.
Now, how many times have you heard your man say, ''lt don't feel the same''?
Yes, you've heard that. Or he might say, ''Baby, l ain't got nothing.' '
And his ass ain't even been to the doctor. You.. .
Excuse me for just one minute. Take as many as you think you might need.
Frank.
-Hey, baby. -Frank.
l don't want to talk to you. l haven't seen you in four days.
Baby, you know l drive that truck.
Frank, l know you. l can smell her all over you. You've been with her.
Baby, l've been eating donuts, okay?
Look, l miss you.
You don't miss me. Look, l'm too old for this shit, Frank.
You don't want to be with me unless you can't be with her.
-Baby, l love you. l do. -You don't love me.
Well, if you love me so much, why don't you leave me the hell alone?
-Now, come on. Don't hurt me like that. -Hurt you?
Get your ass out of here. l've got to go talk to my ladies.
-Baby, l just want to kiss those lips. -Will you.. .
Okay, ladies.
Remember when you're using your condoms
you need a water-based lubricant. Where are they?
Sure, why not?
Excuse me. Let me have a double vodka straight.
What?
You can tell a lot about a man by what he drinks.
And what does my drink say about me?
That you're married, here on business,
and you want to get a buzz on quick so that you can have a good time,
forget about the wife at home and all of that.
-Wow. -Am l right?
Dead on.
-So what are my chances? -For what?
Having a good time in your beautiful city.
l'll tell you what.
l'm off in a couple of hours. l could show you around, if you're up for it.
l'd like that.
l kept the dinner warm for you.
-How'd it go today? -What are you talking about?
-Thought you were gonna look for a job. -Ain't nobody trying to hire a veteran.
Get me a drink.
You're not doing what l asked you to do.
-l want a damn drink! -Beau, maybe you shouldn't drink tonight.
-You saying l got a problem? -l'm saying you need to take your meds.
-Now you're telling me what l should do? -l'm telling you what l think.
l'm not accusing you of anything.
-Are you hungry? -What?
-l'm not an alcoholic. -l know.
l'm trying. l'm trying, Crys.
l know that, too.
l know what the military did to you. l'm on your side.
l know why you get mad sometimes. l get mad.
But sometimes when you drink,
you get out of control.
Don't drink tonight, okay?
You love me?
Man, l have loved you since we were 1 4 years old.
Ain't nothing changed at all with Crys, right?
lf you love me, then why won't you marry me?
Beau.
We got more things to worry about than getting married.
Listen, l know we had a fight last night,
but the silent treatment just isn't good for me.
You were supposed to meet for dinner. Call me. l'm worried about you.
''My papa thought he was Puerto Rican
''We would've been, except we were Just regular negroes with hints of Spanish
''So off l made it to this 36-hour marathon
''Con salsa con Ricardo Sugar Ray on Southern Boulevard
''lt was up, up, up, up, up stairs and stairs And lots of hallway
''My colored New Jersey self Didn't know what anybody was saying
''Except if dancing was proof of origin l was Jibarita herself that night
''l kept smiling and right on stepping lf he could lead, l was ready to dance
''lf he couldn't lead l caught this attitude l'd seen Rosa do
''And would not be bothered''
-Mrs. Bradmore, are you ready to order? -No, Danny, l think l'm just gonna go home.
Can you have my driver pull around and get my coat, please?
-Yes, ma'am. Right away, ma'am. -Thank you.
-Hey, Mama. -Hey.
-You moved my box. -What?
-l had a box there. Where's my box? -lt's right there, Mama.
l don't like it when you move my things. l.. .
l'm sorry.
-l know you're tired, Mama. -l'm tired.
Come on.
You're my angel. You're nothing like your sister.
-lt's only $38, Mom. -That's all l made.
l tried to get some more, but your sister wouldn't give me any money.
Maybe you shouldn't have told her it was for me.
l didn't tell her it was for you, but you know l don't lie.
-l know. -She can't stand you.
lt's because you're so much better than she is.
lf l told her that l needed money for you to better yourself,
she would never give it to me.
She holds on to that wallet like Jacob holding an angel.
Maybe l can speak to your teachers and l can pay it off over time.
No, don't. She won't do that.
Miss Yasmine said if l don't get the money, then l can't get the application to apply.
Elnohim will find a way. Don't worry.
-All right, shall l read? -Okay.
''And dance is my thank you for music
''And l love you more than dance
''More than Aureliano Buendia Loved Macondo
''More than Hector Lavoe loved himself
''More than the lady loved gardenias
''Or Graciela loved El Son
''More than the flamingos love being pretty''
We're here.
-l had the best time. -l told you.
-Thank you. -You're welcome.
So, can l come up?
-lt's getting late. -Okay.
-Well, good night. -Good night.
Hey, you know what? l was thinking. Maybe on our next date you can cook.
You know, help a brother save some money.
-l had such a good time, l will do that. -Nice. Okay.
Go on in. l want to make sure you're safe.
Bye.
Wait, wait, wait.
Look, l got something to tell you.
l only have about $80 on me.
-What are you talking about? -That's all l have.
lf you want to go to the ATM, we can do that.
You think l'm a hooker?
-Aren't you? -No!
-l'm sorry. l'm drunk. -What is so funny?
l guess l'm just old-fashioned. What kind of woman picks a man up in a bar
and brings him back to her place if she's not a hooker?
One that likes to fuck.
-Don't laugh at me. -l'm sorry.
Don't laugh at me.
-This is some sick shit. -You men with your double standards.
You can do it, but a woman can't.
Get out. Get out!
That's a good idea. You seem to do this too often to be healthy.
You think l have some kind of disease?
lf it ain't in your body, it is definitely in your head.
You ain't one to judge me you son of a bitch!
Now, what do you want?
-Why won't you give Mom some money? -Don't say a word.
-A word. -Bitch.
l make sure that her rent is paid and that she has groceries.
-What more does she want? -She needs some money.
For what?
Look, l have to pay my college application fees.
What?
l got a scholarship to college, but l have to pay my application fees,
and she didn't want to tell you that,
because she knew you wouldn't do it if you knew it was for me.
How much?
$300.
Girl, you think l'm Boo Boo the fool? That don't sound right.
lt's true.
You've been fucking.
-What? No, l haven't. -l can see it in your face.
-Are you pregnant? -Not everybody is like you, Tangie.
Yeah, but you are, little sister.
And Mama is so proud of you.
-Wait till she finds out you're pregnant. -l'm not pregnant.
How you gonna go to college like that?
Mama's gonna die. You know it.
l can't wait.
He didn't use a condom? Baby, you've got to use a condom.
l remember the first time l got pregnant.
l was so scared.
l went to this apartment on 138th.
A red building in the middle of the block.
Down a back alley. Apartment 331 .
l didn't have money for no college application.
But l wasn't pregnant anymore.
l'm not giving you any money.
l'm not pregnant.
l've been trying to reach you all night.
Yeah, my battery died.
Your battery died. And you couldn't call me from another phone and tell me that?
You know, Carl, l was so worried about you that l even called the police.
You called the police? What they say?
They told me to call back in 24 hours, but you could have at least called me.
Fine, Jo.
This is about the fight the other night, isn't it?
No. l said my battery died.
Yeah. You're still angry. l can hear it all in your voice. You're still mad.
Jo, l'm not mad, l'm not angry.
Good, 'cause you don't have a right to be.
Well, you could have told me, you know?
-l could have told you. l could have told you. -Yeah, you could have told me.
l could have told you just the same way you could have told me
that you were gonna take $200,000 of my money, put it in some stock,
and you didn't check with me, not one time, Carl.
lt's always about you and your damn money.
Yes, it is. lt is. l earned it.
Jo, l'm a broker.
Everybody down at the firm knows who you are.
lt's embarrassing to me
that l can't come home and make a decision as a man in this house, so l took it.
Okay? l took it, and l said l was sorry. l don't want to talk about this shit anymore.
That's fine. Don't talk about it.
You're gonna listen. Yeah, you're gonna listen, Carl.
l know l have issues with trust,
but when you make choices like this, it doesn't help me, not one bit.
You don't just have trust issues, you got issues.
l'm gonna go take a shower.
Can l take a shower? Do l have permission to take a shower?
Thank you.
-Hey. -Hey.
You're up late.
l can't sleep.
-How was the rest of your day? -lt's where l left it.
l understand that.
-Are you hungry? -No, babe.
-You want to know what happened? -You want to tell me what happened?
Do you remember my friends from college?
-Kiana and Nicole? -Yeah.
''The three of us were like a pyramid Three friends
''One laugh, one music One flowered shawl knotted on each neck
''We all saw him at the same time
''And he saw us
''l felt a thump in each one of us Didn't know what to do
''We all wanted what was coming our way So we split
''But
''He found one
''And l loved him''
Okay.
''The other two were tickled
''And spurned his advances When the one who loved him wasn't there
''l couldn't figure out what was happening
''And then the rose
''l left by his pillow
''l found on my friend's desk''
There was nothing to say.
Eight months later l woke up with the worst cramps in my life.
And now l can't give you a baby.
Baby, you give me so much more than l ever need.
l love you. lt doesn't matter. We'll get through it.
Let me lock up so they don't steal this thing.
-Jesus. -Hey, baby.
-Leave me alone, Frank. -Can't we at least talk about it?
Go home. That's right, you ain't got no home to go to.
-What? -Somebody told me
you moved out of your apartment. What you do, move back in with her?
-Hell, no! -l'm sick of your lies and shit.
Baby. Baby, l'm sorry.
l'm sorry. l don't know why l keep going back there. l mean.. .
No, listen. This time it was different, baby. The whole time l was there, l just.. .
The whole time l was just thinking about you.
l mean, listen, if l can't have you, baby, l don't know what l'm gonna do.
What would l look like letting you back in my life
after all the advice l give to the women at my clinic?
-Babe, listen to me. -Frank, you listen.
Every time l let you move back in, you do the same thing,
and every time l come home and you're not here, l do the same thing.
l go through that closet, l go through the drawers
to see if your things are gone!
l have to set an example for my women!
You want me to be honest. Now, l'm telling you the truth.
-Baby, please.. . -l'm not listening to this shit no more!
lf you meant that, how come you didn't say it in the first damn place?
Because l didn't know how. Okay? l didn't know how. Kiss me, sweetie.
-Frank, just leave. Okay? -Just kiss me. Kiss me.
-Frank, no. Go. Frank. Frank. -You love me. You love me, baby.
-Frank. -l love you, sweetheart.
-Oh, my God, l love the way you smell. -Frank. Frank, no. Frank.
l missed you so much, baby. Let me stay. Please, let me stay.
Frank.
You got any condoms?
l called Dr. Belken. He can see you this afternoon.
Okay.
These are from your husband. He's on line three.
What a pleasant surprise.
Look, babe, l just called to tell you
how sorry l was for the way l've been acting the last few days.
You're so right.
l should not have taken the money out of your account.
l guess l just thought.. .
Well, l thought l was helping you, or us, l should say.
And l thought it would gain interest,
and l thought it would make you really proud of me.
But obviously l was wrong,
so l'm just gonna say l don't blame you for taking my name off the account.
lt won't happen again, baby. l'm really sorry.
Thank you.
l got you tickets to the opera tonight.
You really must be sorry if you're gonna sit through that again.
What did you call it last time? Water torture.
Yeah, water torture. Water torture. But not with you, babe. Anything for you.
See you tonight.
-Bye. -Bye.
-l love you. -l love you, too.
Bye.
-You Yasmine? -Yeah.
-lt's your birthday? -No, just a guy l went to dinner with.
He's nice. A gentleman.
He wants to fuck you.
Can l help you with something?
Yeah, l'm here to pay for the college application.
l don't know what you mean.
Sorry, l'm Tangie, Nyla's sister,
and she said that she had $300 to pay for a college application or something.
-No, everything here is free. -What?
Everything here is free.
Nyla's one of my best students. l'm sure she won't have trouble getting in anywhere.
That little slut!
Bitch! She your favorite while fucking me around. Bitch!
-All right. -Put your money down.
Hold on. l'm trying to read something here.
You don't move my cheese, man.
You looking for me?
Third floor.
l'm Nyla.
You don't have no name, girl.
Come on. Sit down now on the table. Right here.
Come on.
You got my money?
Take your bottoms off and your shoes.
Come on, girl.
Come on, sit down. Come on.
l've done this a million times, girl. Relax.
''Young girls go out in the world And they got to come see me
''That world is something l used to live in that world
''Then l moved to Harlem And my universe is now six blocks
''A tunnel with a train l can ride anywhere
''Remaining a stranger
''l could stay alone
''A woman in the world then But l moved to Harlem
''l come in around dusk Stay close to the curb
'''Round midnight praying Won't no young man think l'm pretty
''ln a dark morning wouldn't be good Not good at all
''To meet a tall, short, black-brown man
''Full of his power in the dark ln my universe of six blocks
''Straight up brick walls
''Women hanging out of windows Like old silk stockings
''Cats crying and children giggling And a tavern with red curtains
''Bad smells and kissing ladies smiling
''And dirt sidewalks spitting
''And men cursing
'''Come here, bitch Can't you see there's $5?'
''l used to be in the world
''Like, really be in the world Free and sweet-talking
''You know, 'Good morning'
''And 'thank you' and 'nice day'
''But not now
''l can't be nice no more l can't be nice to nobody
''Nice is a rip-off
''But l was in the world A woman in the world
''l had a right to the world
''Then l moved to Harlem For six blocks of cruelty piled up on itself
''A tunnel closing
''Open your legs, girl''
Come on.
-Hey. -Hey. Come on in.
-Wow, nice place. -Thanks.
What smells so good?
-Me. -Yeah, okay. Okay.
l am cooking a Cuban feast for you, my friend.
We might have to just go on and skip dinner and go right to the dessert.
-Stop it. -How about l get a hug?
-You smell good, too. -Thank you.
Let me check on the bread. You want some wine?
l'll have some if you have some.
-ls red fine? -Yeah, it's fine.
-l had a really nice time the other night. -Me, too.
l haven't done anything like that in a really long time.
Look at you. You even chopped everything up all nice.
-You can really cook. -A girl has to eat, right?
Guess so.
Here's to good times.
-Yeah, that's good. -lt is.
Bill, come on, we're supposed to be having dinner.
You know what was really nice about the other night?
What's that?
l don't know it just seemed.. . Wasn't like.. . Sometimes a date can be such a fake thing
when people put on this personality and it was so easy.. .
-Bill. -What?
-.. .to be there with you. -Yeah, it was nice.
You know those times.. .
-Put your clothes on. -Why?
Come on, we're both adults.
And l know why you asked me to come over here tonight.
-No, you've got it wrong. -No, l got nothing wrong.
Stop it.
-Where you going for lunch today? -l'm not sure.
l was thinking maybe Thai.
Tea?
-Where's the list of advertisers? -Page seven of the report.
Do you see it on page seven, Crystal?
l took it home to make sure it was right. l must have left it there.
l have a very important meeting in 45 minutes.
What do you propose l do?
l'll get on the train right now and go home.. .
No. lt's gonna make me late.
Come on, l'm gonna have to take you home. Purse.
Hurry up, Katina.
-You're not coming up, are you? -No.
l hate coming to neighborhoods like this.
-Are the doors locked? -Yes, ma'am.
Hi.
-l saw you pull up in that car. -lt's my boss.
l thought your boss was a woman.
She is.
Then who's the dude in the front seat?
You think l'm crazy, don't you? You think l'm crazy?
Where's your medication?
ls that my mama?
Did l ever tell you how l met my husband?
''His name was Toussaint l was eight years old
''The library was right down from the trolley tracks
''Right across from the Laundromat
''Through the big shining doors and big pillars that old St. Louis was famous for
''l found Toussaint l knew l wasn't supposed to
''But l ran into an adult reading room
''And came across Toussaint My first black man''
One.
Too far.
You're gonna be a whore all your life?
Beau Willie Brown, you want the kids to see you acting a fool?
Come on. Come on with Mama. Sit by Mama. Right here.
Come on, baby.
''l just want to hold them
''Don't want to cause you any trouble
''l just want to marry you And give you things''
Come here, Kenya.
l want to go to Daddy.
Daddy, be nice to Mommy, 'cause you have to be nice.
And Mommy loves you.
Mommy's sick, baby.
You see, Crystal? l can be a good father.
Now, let me see my son. Come here, Kwame.
You're still fine, strong.
Didn't you get right back up, that time we had that little fight?
-You went right back to work. -You gotta get help, Beau.
You gonna marry me?
Damn it, Beau, no. l'm not gonna marry you.
My babies can't keep seeing their mama like this.
Your.. . Your kids?
So, what you trying to say? That they ain't mine?
You're just a damn whore.
ls that your man down there in that car? Are these his kids?
-Give me my kids! Beau! No! -Get off me!
Where the hell is she?
Get off!
-Beau Willie! -No, no!
Beau Willie!
-Give me the babies! -Get off! How're you gonna do this to me?
Help her.
Help her! Help her! Help! Help her!
Help! Help!
Here they come!
Help her! Help her!
Help her! Help her! Help her! Help her!
Help her! Help her! Help her! Help her somebody!
Don't just stand there!
-Willie! -Oh, my God.
You're gonna marry me, bitch!
-Beau! -Answer!
No, please don't do that.
No!
Where?
ln my apartment.
ln your apartment? A friend?
-Very difficult to press charges against. -He's not a friend.
You'll hear things like,
''She knew him. She must have wanted it.
''A misunderstanding.
''These things happen.
''She invited him in. What did she expect was gonna happen?''
Ma'am, are you sure you didn't suggest?
No.
l have to ask. Had you been drinking?
One sip of wine. l don't drink.
A rapist doesn't have to be a stranger to be legitimate.
Someone you never saw.
But if you've been in public with him,
danced one dance,
kissed him goodbye lightly
with closed mouth,
pressing charges will be as hard
as trying to keep your legs closed while five fools try to run a train on you.
''These men, friends of ours
''Who smile nice and stay employed And take us out to dinner
''Lock the door behind you And we are left with the scars
''Being betrayed by men who know us
''And expect like the stranger we always Thought was coming that we will submit
''We must have known
''Women relinquish all personal rights
''ln the presence of a man who could Apparently be considered a rapist
''Especially if he has been Considered a friend
''And is no less worthy
''Of being beat
''Within an inch of his life
''Being publicly ridiculed Having two fists shoved up his ass
''Then the stranger we always thought lt would be who never showed up
'''Cause it turns out The nature of rape has changed
''We can now meet them ln circles we frequent for companionship
''See them at the coffeehouse With someone else we know
''We could even have them over for dinner
''And get raped in our own houses
''By invitation
''By invitation''
Okay. l'll pick the bastard up.
-l'm looking for my daughter. -What's her name?
Nyla Adrose.
She's with a social worker.
Police found her passed out in the street. ln here.
Mama, please don't be mad at me.
Rock of ages, let me hide myself in thee from this sin.
l'm sorry, Mama.
Can you remember anything at all?
Speak, child.
All l remember
''ls tubes
''Tables Whitewashed windows
''Grime from age wiped over once
''Eyes crawling up on me
''Eyes rolling in my thighs
''Metal horses gnawing
''My womb dead
''Get off of me all of this blood, bones
''Shattered like soft ice-cream cones
''l couldn't have her looking at me pregnant
''l couldn't have my friends see this
''Dying, dangling between my legs.
''So l didn't say a thing
''Not a sigh
''Or a fast scream to get those eyes off of me
''Get those steel rods out of me
''This hurts
''This hurts me
''Nobody came
'''Cause nobody knew
''Once
''l was pregnant
''and ashamed''
of myself.
-Oh, no! No! No! -What's going on?
Crazy-ass man dropped her children out the fifth-story window.
Why'd he do that?
l apologize in advance,
but l'm gonna have to ask each of you a few questions.
-Did each of you witness what happened? -Yes.
-How do you all know each other? -Well, l don't know.. .
l'm the manager of the apartments. l live next door to her.
-She's my assistant. -Okay.
Donald.
Excuse me.
-What? -What did you do? What did you do?
-Mama! Stop it, Mama! -You sent her there. You sent her there.
-You are the darkness. What did you do? -You all right, baby?
Get out. Get out.
Do you even know her name?
Do you even know her? Do you know anything about her? Get out!
-Get out! Get out before l kill you! Get out! -No, no. Mama, stop it!
What's wrong with you?
Letting all these men crawl up inside you like that.
How can you have any relationship with God inside me?
She could've killed her.
-She could've killed me. -l was with you!
-You think that made it okay? -Yes!
-l didn't want to be there! -l was with you!
-l didn't want to be there! -l was watching her!
You weren't by yourself!
l didn't want to be.. . You made me go!
She's an alcoholic demon. She could've killed her.
You sent her there alone.
The pair of you could not have come from me.
He only left you that money
so you could control me,
like he did.
He used to put his hands up my dress,
told me l was the only one he needed.
He told me l was ugly.
And when l was 15, he gave me to a white man.
He said he wanted beautiful grand-girls.
No.
Not like me.
He said, ''Don't sleep with the darkness.' '
-And then you came. -Mama, please stop lying.
-He touched you. -Shut up!
He touched you, too.
l can tell. l can smell it on you.
You don't know me.
l do.
l know you.
''You used to wear
''These orange butterflies.. .
''l am a deliberate coquette.. .
-''.. .A nd aqua sequins.. . -''.. .W ho could never do without.. .
''.. .Ensconced between slight bosoms
''.. .W hat l want
-''And l wanted to be unforgettable -''Silk roses darting from behind your ears
-''The passion flower of you.. . -''l wanted to be a memory
-''.. .Meandered down Hoover Street.. . -''A wound to every man
-''Arrogant enough to want me -''.. .past dark shuttered houses
''Where women from Louisiana shelled peas Round three o'clock
-''And sent their sons whistling to the store -''l am the wrath of women in windows
''Fingering shades Lace curtains
-''Camouflaging despair and stretch marks -''You glittered in heat
''Seemed to be looking for a ride When you wasn't
-''And absolutely eyed every man.. . -''l glittered
-''.. .W ho wasn't lame, white, or nodding out -''Honestly delighted, l am desired.. .
''You let your thigh slip From under your skirt crossing the street
-''.. .T o experience my body and spirit.. . -''You slowed to be examined
''.. .T earing so easily Blending with theirs
-''l watched you -''And they were so happy
''The rhinestones etching The corners of your mouth suggested
''Tears, fresh kisses That had done no good.. .
''Full and wet
''Lined with iridescent feathers The hairs around your navel.. .
-''And l kissed them reverently -''.. .Seemed to dance and you never let on.. .
''That you knew from behind Your waist was aching to be held''
You don't know me.
l know you.
You're the devil.
Get out.
Get out!
You don't know me. You don't know me!
Get out!
You think you're so holy? You let him do that to me!
You're just like me!
What the hell are you looking at, you old bitch?
Nothing.
Open my door.
Not till you apologize for talking to me like that.
l said open this motherfucking door! Open my door!
Hey, hey, hey! What the hell are you doing in here?
Have you lost your damn mind? Get your ass out of my apartment.
Gilda! Gilda!
Sit down and shut up.
-l'm gonna say this for the last time. -Sit down and shut up.
lf you don't put this ice on your face, you're gonna turn black and blue.
You want that?
-lt makes sense, you know. -What?
You and your mama.
Sleeping with all these men thinking it's just sex.
lt ain't just sex, honey. lt all has a root.
And you gotta find that root to pluck it.
''At 4:30 a.m . you rise Moving the arms and legs that trapped you
''You sighed Affirming the sculptured man
''And make yourself a bath Of dark musk-oil Egyptian crystals
''And Florida water to remove his smell
''To wash away the glitter To watch the butterflies melt into suds
''And the rhinestones Fall beneath your buttocks
''Like smooth pebbles in a Missouri creek Laying in water
''You become yourself
''Ordinary brown-braided woman With big legs and full lips, regular
''And those who fall prey to the dazzle Of hips painted with orange blossoms
''And magnolia-scented wrists
''Had wanted no more Than to lay between her sparkling thighs
''And had planned on leaving before dawn
''And when you finish writing your account Of her exploit
''ln a diary embroidered With lilies and moonstones
''You place the rose behind your ear
''And cry yourself to sleep''
Damn you, listening to all my business through this wall.
l used to be you.
Frank?
Not when l need him most. Why do l always do this shit to myself?
l got.. .
Hey, baby.
-Hey. -l got your favorite Chinese.
What's wrong?
l'm okay. Just hold me. Just hold me.
-You all right, baby? -l'm okay.
-Baby.
-Just hold me. -Yeah.
-Hold me. -lt's gonna be all right, sweetheart.
Where were you?
Playing basketball with the fellas.
Jo, what's wrong?
My assistant's children were murdered today.
-Wow. -l saw it.
l saw everything.
For eight years.. .
Eight years this girl has been working for me, and l never knew she was abused.
Crystal.
What kind of person am l?
Every single day, she's in my face, Carl. l never knew it.
You okay?
l was sitting here and l was thinking,
''Who can l call? Who can l talk to?''
You should've called me.
Come on, come on. Come on.
l'm here now. Okay? l'm here.
Let me get you cleaned up, okay?
l'll get you cleaned up. l'll run a nice, hot bath for you, make you feel better.
l got you, baby.
Mama, l am so sorry.
That that was growing inside you was a sin.
lt had to be destroyed.
You go pray to Elnohim for forgiveness.
l don't hear you praying.
Kind and gentle God, l pray that you will forgive me, for l have sinned.
Give me the strength to resist the temptations
-that the devil puts in front of me. -l don't hear you praying.
l pray for your forgiveness,
-and then l can become a better person. -Hear yourself, child.
We call upon you to take the devil out of this child!
Take the devil out of this child!
Clear this child. Come out! Come out, child!
Why doesn't somebody come and save you?
Let go of me!
Repent! Repent! Repent!
Hi.
l can't get this blood out.
lt's here,
and people walking all over it, my babies' blood.
A part of me knows this happened, but most of me feels like l'm dreaming.
Am l awake?
l don't feel awake.
This must be what death feels like.
Have some respect for my babies!
-l'm sorry. -Nyla.
-She just pulled my hair hard, that's all. -Crystal, do you have a dry towel?
Crystal?
Can l have a dry towel?
No, l like you, too. Hey, you better be careful.. .
-You happy now, Tangie? -What're you doing in there?
You sent me to that woman and you knew.
You should have told me that the $300 was for an abortion,
instead of lying like you did.
-Baby. Baby, who's that? -That's just my sister.
Can she come over and join us?
-She's 16. -And?
Motherfucker, get your ass out of my hallway.
-Baby. -No, l don't want to see your face!
l don't want to see your face!
Crazy bitch.
Yeah, you got the short eyes. Yeah? You like to fuck little boys, too?
You like me 'cause l got my little titties? They remind you of a kid?
Sick-ass motherfucker!
-What's she doing in here? -Who are you?
l'm her sister.
She had a fight with your mother. l'm gonna let you guys talk.
-Hey. -lt's not funny.
Sweetie, with a mother like ours, you better learn how to laugh,
to keep from crying. Did she do the oil?
l got it, too.
But l did not think that she would do it
-to her favorite.. . -Stupid bitch! Stop laughing at me!
lt's not funny!
l'm sorry.
No, l know what it's like to be laughed at.
-l apologize. -Why do you hate me so much, Tangie?
-l don't hate you. -Yeah? Because you act like it.
Yeah, l know.
Come on.
You can't love somebody with that much hurt in them.
l'm learning that more and more.
l don't know what's wrong with me.
''l've lost touch with reality l don't know who's doing it
''l thought l was, but l was stupid
''l was able to be hurt
''And that's not real
''Not anymore
''We should be immune
''lf we're still alive
''How are we still alive?
''My dependency on other living beings For love
''l survive on intimacy
''And tomorrow that's all l've got going
''lt's all l've got Being alive
''And being a woman
''Being colored is a metaphysical dilemma l haven't conquered yet
''Do you see the point?''
We're sisters, Tangie.
l think the least that we can do is just be there for each other.
''Once there were quadroon balls
''Elegance in St. Louis
''Laced mulattoes Gambling down the Mississippi
''To Memphis, New Orleans
''And okra crepes near the bayou Where the poor white trash would sing
''Moaning strange liquid tones Through the swamps
''Sechita had heard these things
''She pushed the clinging Delta dust With painted toes
''Creole Carnival was playing Natchez
''Sechita, Egyptian goddess of creativity Second millennium
''Threw her heavy hair in a coil over her neck
''The recording of history Spread crimson oil on her cheeks
''Waxed her eyebrows
''And unconsciously slugged The last hard whiskey in the glass
''The broken mirror she used To decorate her face
''Made her forehead tilt backwards Her cheeks appear sunken
''Sechita had learned to make allowances For the distortions
''But the heavy dust of the Delta Left a tinge of grit and darkness
''On every one of her dresses
''Sechita was anxious To get back to St. Louis
''The dirt there didn't crawl from the earth lnto your soul
''At least in St. Louis The grime was store-bought
''Second-hand.
''Sechita could hear redneck whoops And slapping on the back
''She gathered her sparsely sequined skirt And made her face immobile
''Like Nefertiti approaching her own tomb''
ls that him, ma'am?
Yes. What happened to him?
He raped a woman, and she stabbed him.
l guess the bastard got what was coming to him, huh?
l guess so.
Paging Dr. Peter, please call...
Dr. Peter, please call...
-They just pumped her stomach. -Can we see her?
Not just yet. As soon as she stabilizes, l'll let everybody know.
Babe. Come on to bed.
l will.
How long are you gonna do this?
l was supposed to get them out of there.
Because we had to go see a doctor about not being able to have a child,
meanwhile, leaving those two kids in that apartment.. .
Hey, one thing has nothing to do with the other.
No matter what, l love you. Come to bed.
Frank?
Frank, l know you thought l forgot this morning, but l didn't.
Frank! Happy birthday?
No. No!
''Somebody almost walked off With all of my stuff
''And didn't care enough To send a note home saying
''l was late for my solo conversation
''Or two sizes too small For my own tacky skirts
''What can anybody do with something Of no value on an open market?
''Did you get a dime for my things? Hey, man
''Where are you going with all of my stuff?
''This is a woman's trip And l need my stuff to 'ooh' and 'ah' about
''Honest to God, somebody almost ran off With all of my stuff
''And l didn't bring anything But the kick and sway of it
''The perfect ass for my man And none of it is theirs
''This is mine Juanita's own things
''That's my name Now give me my stuff
''l see you hiding my laugh
''And how l sit with my legs open sometimes To give my crotch some sunlight
''This is some delicate leg And whimsical kiss
''l gotta have to give to my choice
''So you can't have me Unless l give me away
''And l was doing all that Till you ran off on a good thing
''And who is this you left me with? Some simple bitch with a bad attitude
''l want my things
''l want my arm with the hot iron scar
''l want my leg with the flea bite
''Yeah l want my things
''l want my calloused feet And quick language back in my mouth
''l want my own things How l loved them
''Somebody almost ran off With all of my stuff
''And l was standing there Looking at myself the whole time
''lt wasn't a spirit that ran off with my stuff
''lt was a man whose ego Walked 'round like Rodan's shadow
''lt was a man faster than my innocence
''lt was a lover l made too much room for
''Almost ran off with all my stuff
''And the one running with it Don't know he got it
''l'm shouting, 'This is mine' And he don't even know he got it
''My stuff is the anonymous Ripped-off treasure of the year
''Did you know Somebody almost got away with me?
''Me, in a plastic bag under his arm Me, Juanita Sims
''Somebody almost walked off With all my stuff''
Tell them.
Why is it that every time somebody knocks on this door yours opens?
Now, what do you want with her?
Just get your nosy ass back in your apartment.
Go on!
Hi. Hi.
We're having a get together at the community center tonight,
-and we would love for you to come. -No. l don't think so.
lt will be good for you to get out, you know?
lt's in honor of my little sister's going away to college,
and getting her out of my apartment. lt'll be fun.
-lf l feel up to it. -Yeah. Yeah, all right.
You can bring somebody if you want to.
Don't.. . Don't bring her.
l feel you looking at my ass, old lady.
-All right, you can come. -ls that your way of apologizing to me?
l notice you haven't had any visitors lately.
-Mind your business. -l see you're starting to mind yours.
''Ever since l realized There was someone called a colored girl
''Or an evil woman A bitch or a nag
''l been trying not to be that And leave bitterness in somebody else's cup
''Come to somebody to love me
''Without deep and nasty smelling scars From lye
''Or being left screaming in a street Of lunatics whispering, 'Slut, bitch, bitch'
''Nigga, get out of here with all of that l didn't have any of that for you
''l brought you what joy l found
''And l found joy
''And then there's that woman who hurt you
''And who you left three or four times And then you went back
''After you put my heart ln the bottom of your shoe
''You just walked back to where you hurt
''And l didn't have nothing
''So l went to where somebody Had something for me
''But none of them were you
''l got a real dead loving here for you now
'''Cause l don't know anymore How to avoid my own face wet with my tears
''Because l had convinced myself That colored girls have no right to sorrow
''l lived for you
''l know l did it for myself But l couldn't stand it
''l couldn't stand being sorry And colored at the same time
''lt's so redundant in the modern world''
-l guess this is goodbye. -Like you've never seen it before.
Crystal?
Crystal.
Did you eat today?
No, you didn't.
No.
Crystal, what is your plan?
What are you doing, baby? You just gonna lay here and die?
How could he do it?
lt wasn't just him, honey.
But l tried to stop him.
You had to stop him long before he got to that window.
-Are you saying this is my fault? -What l'm saying, Crystal,
is you gonna have to take responsibility in some of this.
How much of it you take is up to you, but you gotta take some of it.
Until you do,
you're just gonna be living to die. l know it hurts,
but you gotta get up from here.
But l didn't save my babies.
Then save some other woman's babies.
Help another woman who's missing what you're missing.
There's too much life wrapped in your voice.
You gotta get up from here.
Come on. Come on, baby.
Come on.
Come on, baby. Come on. Come.
lt's all right.
Now, Crystal.
Crystal, l want you to breathe.
Come on.
Yes. Yes.
Yes, baby, that's right. That's right, baby, breathe.
Breathe. Breathe for me. That's right.
My last husband, l had a detective follow him,
and even though l didn't do that with you,
l know l ignored everything in me to be with you.
Baby, why don't you just tell me what the hell you're talking about?
l went to my gynecologist,
and before you, every level in my body was fine.
Baby, are you sick? Talk to me.
Tell me the truth, Carl.
Who have you been sleeping with?
Jo, l promise you since.. .
Since you and l have been together, l have not slept with another woman,
and l promise you that.
-What about a man? -What the fuck did you just ask me?
l see the way you look at them when you think l'm not paying attention.
l see it. The pool boy in the Hamptons, my driver,
the guy the other night at the opera. l see it all, Carl.
You have no idea
how much l hate coming up into this motherfucking house sometimes.
Every day, Joanna, if it ain't you telling me what to wear,
how to look, calling the shots over my head.
Are you gay?
How you gonna ask me a question like that?
How did you marry a woman,
and then turn around and let a man bend you over?
Ain't nobody bending me over.
So you doing the bending? ls that what it is?
l don't wake up holding another man,
walking down the street holding some man's hands.
That's gay, okay?
That ain't me.
You're saying a lie, Carl. You're saying a lot without saying nothing at all.
l'm saying
that your husband is a man, Jo.
l'm a man every day of the week.
l'm a man.
l'm just a man who enjoys
having sex
with another man, Jo.
No attachments, no fucking.. .
No relationship,
just sex, you know?
That's what l'm saying,
and l'm sorry.
l'm sorry, Jo,
for my truth.
''Save your sorry
''One thing l don't need Are any more apologies
''l got sorry greeting me at the front door You can keep yours
''l don't know what to do with them l can't even.. . l gotta throw some away
''l can't even get to the clothes in my closet For all the sorries
''You know what? l'm gonna put a sign
''A sign on the door Better yet, l'm gonna leave a voicemail
''A message on my voicemail
'''lf you called to say you're sorry Then call somebody else
'''Cause l don't use them anymore'
''l let.. . l let 'l'm sorry, l didn't mean to'
''And 'how could l know about that?'
''Take a walk down a dark and musty street ln Brooklyn, Carl
''Well, l'm gonna do exactly what l want And l'm not gonna be sorry for none of it
''Let sorry soothe your soul
''l'll soothe mine
''You know You were always being inconsistent
''Doing things And then saying you're sorry about it
''Beating my heart to death Talking about your sorry
''Yeah, well, l'm not gonna call you
''l'm not gonna be nice
''l'm gonna raise my voice l'm gonna yell, l'm gonna scream
''l'm gonna break things
''l'm gonna race the engine And tell all your secrets
''About you to your face And l'm not gonna be sorry for none of it
''l loved you on purpose
''l was open on purpose
''l'm not even sorry about you being sorry
''You can take all your guilt And all your grime
''And do whatever you want with it Just don't give it to me
''l can't use another sorry
''Next time, Carl, admit it
''Admit that you're mean Admit that you're mean
''That you're low-down, down-low, trifling
''And no count straight out
''lnstead of being sorry
''Enjoy being yourself''
When l get back, l want you gone
and take your HlV with you.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
And l am just so excited that you came. l want you to meet everybody.
Ladies? Ladies?
This is Miss Bradmore. She's the one who gave us all the money. Yes!
Now, now, l want to show you the roof. l'm just so excited.
We had it fixed because of you!
Mama!
Come on.
-l brought her some things. -ls it ticking?
Where is she?
Over here.
Nyla.
Hey, Mommy.
l'm so proud of you.
-You want some food, Mama? -No.
l have to go.
This is the devil's music.
Yes, it is.
How many women in your classes have HlV?
Two out of four, and usually from someone they trusted or loved.
You know, l don't know what's worse, if it's the betrayal or the virus.
HlV is not the death sentence that it used to be.
l mean, l have patients that are on their meds
and have great lives and have been living them for the last 20 years.
Women just give up so much.
Just so much of their power.
lt can happen to any of us. Anyone that's in love.
Miss Juanita, look who's here.
-l can't believe.. . -Crystal!
...I 'm having such a good time and there's no man around.
Well, you leave that where it is.
My love is too beautiful to have thrown back on my face.
-That's true. -l like that.
-Try one. -What?
Well, l do it all the time in my class.
You just say, ''My love is too.. .' ' and then you fill in the blank.
''My love is too sanctified To have thrown back in my face''
-All right, now see? -''My love is too magic
''To have thrown back in my face
''My love is too complicated To have thrown back on my face
''My love is too music To have thrown back on my face
''My love is too Saturday night To have thrown back on my face''
Yes, and you remember that
when a man tries to walk off with all of your stuff.
l know that's right, or saying sorry a million times.
We all have ''l'm sorry'' stories, don't we?
''Get this. Just last week My ex old man comes in saying
'''Baby, l don't know How she got your number, l'm sorry'
''No, no, this is it 'Baby, you know l was high
-'''l'm sorry' -'''l'm only human'
'''Our inadequacies Are what make us human
'''lf we were perfect We wouldn't have nothing to strive for
'''So, you might as well go on And forgive me 'cause l'm sorry'
''This one is it.
'''l do you like l do you 'Cause l thought you could take it
'''No? l'm sorry'
'''Now l know you know l love you
'''But l ain't gonna love you The way you want me to love you
'''l'm sorry'
'''Shut up, bitch
'''l told you l was sorry'''
lt's okay.
l asked myself,
how l could let that happen.
l realized
''l was missing something
''Something promised
''Something so important
''A laying on of hands
''Fingers near my forehead
''Strong, cool, moving
''Making me whole, sense, pure
''All of God coming into me
''Laying me open to myself
-''l was missing something -''Something promised
-''Something free -''A laying on of hands
''l know about laying on bodies Laying out a man
''And bringing him all of my fleshy self
''And some of my pleasure being taken Full, eager, wet, like l get sometimes
-''l was missing something -''A laying on of hands
''Not my mama
''Holding me tight Saying l'm always gonna be her girl
''Not a laying on a bosom and womb
''The laying on of hands
''The holiness of myself released
''l sat up one night
''Walking my apartment floors
''Screaming, crying
''The ghost of another woman Who was missing what l was missing
''l wanted to jump out of my bones Be done with myself
''Leave me alone Go on in the wind
''lt was too much
''l fell into a numbness
''Until the only tree l could see
''Picked me up into her branches
''Held me in the breeze
''Made me dawn dew That chill at daybreak
''The sun
''Wrapped me up
''Swinging rose light everywhere
''And the sky laid over me
''Like a million men
''l was cold
''l was burning up
''A child and endlessly weaving garments For the moon
''With my tears
''l found God in myself
''And l loved her fiercely''